Free PC Speed-up 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, July 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Todays Bonehead Award: Jail for English on-bike robber who stole woman’s phone – but left his own at the scene Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 6, in 1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA, and deported back to England. More of what happened on this day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him. --- Henry Stimson (1867 - 1950) Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like our government is going to cut overhead and trim down the military forces. They are going to retire six over- aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Oh...I'm sorry to hear your mother will be out of work."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease." ______________________________________________________ An American traveling through Europe is riding a train in Germany. At one point, the ticket inspector comes into the compartment, punches the passengerís ticket, and then chats cordially in German for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. The man, who speaks no German, simply smiles and nods from time to time to show that he is interested. Finally, the ticket inspector bows and leaves the compartment. At that point, a woman sitting across from the man leans forward and says in English, "You don't speak any German, do you?" "No," the man says. "Then that explains why you didn't bat an eye when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction and that the next stop is an hour from now." ______________________________________________________ Lake Braies, Italy ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jail for English on-bike robber who stole woman’s phone – but left his own at the scene Mark Mick, 30, Highbury New Park, England Mark Mick, 30, snatched the phone from the 30-year-old victim after cycling up behind her in Clissold Crescent, Stoke Newington, in December. The woman grabbed hold of him to try and get it back, but was punched in the side of the head and knocked backwards. Mick, of Highbury New Park, then fled the scene, but not before dropping his own phone in the struggle. Police couldn’t believe their luck when they arrived to find it on the floor, and were able to identify him as a result. Mick was eventually nicked in March and picked out in an identity parade by the woman before being charged with robbery. He pleaded guilty and was sentenced yesterday to three years and four months in jail at Wood Green Crown Court. Det Con Scott Johnson of Hackney CID, said: “Mick robbed a lone woman and used violence to carry out the theft. “Thankfully he left his own phone at the scene and we were able to identify him as a suspect and arrest him." “With the assistance of the victim we were able gather all the necessary evidence to charge him and I would like to thank her for her support and courage in bringing this man to justice.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi RE: PC Speed-up Dear Webby, is there any free software that does actually work and will speed up the computer, to where you will notice a difference? tyvm for all he help.its greatly appreciated Richi Dear Richi Lots of software claims to do that. If it actually did, then they could charge BIG money for it. It would be worth more than a new computer! PCMechanic comes pretty close, but the PRO version is not quite free. Use CrapCleaner to clean up. It is at http://www.piriform.com/ccleaner Go through the tools and options and see what it can do for you. Get Revo Uninstaller. http://www.revouninstaller.com/ UNinstall everything, that you don't really use. Get Defraggler at http://www.piriform.com/defraggler Defragment your hard drives. Do that AFTER you uninstall all the crap that you once thought would be handy, but that you never actually use. I realize that it is a bit tedious to do all that stuff, but transferring all your data to a new machine is tedious too, and costs a lot more. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ In the news: "Dr. Benjamin Porter visited the school yesterday and lectured on 'Destructive Pests.' A large number were present." ------------------------ "The sewer expansion project is nearing completion but city officials are holding their breath until it is officially finished." ----------------------- "The ladies of the county medical society auxiliary plan to publish a cookbook. Part of the money will go to the Samaritan Hospital to purchase a stomach pump." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Laminate Floor Cleaner I am looking for a homemade cleaning solution for laminate flooring. By guest (Guest Post) I use vinegar and water. About 1:4 ratio. It also helps to freshen the air. I refilled the Clorox Ready-mop bottle with this solution and it works great. I use old towels cut to fit instead of the pads also. They get washed with the laundry. I love the convenience of the mop but can't stand the waste. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Laura was attending her High School reunion and was having a blast. As the evening was drawing to a close, the master of ceremonies for the night proceeded to hand out bottles of champagne to the graduates who had traveled the farthest distance to attend the reunion, the graduate who had been married the longest time, the graduate who had become the most successful, etc. Laura wondered if she was going to get a prize too. Sure enough, the master of ceremonies called out her name. "Laura, you win with 11 kids." and then, trying to be clever, he added: "And champagne is only half the prize. The other half is a giant, economy size bottle of aspirin." "Don't bother with the aspirin," Laura replied. "It's obvious with this many kids, that I've never had a headache!" ___________________________________________________
competitive four
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said: "I hope you don't start thinking. You would look weird with a bald head !" ____________________________________________________ Many years Fred's wife was to knitting what Tiger Woods is to golf. She designed exotic patterns with ease. There was an occasion when they had lunch in a real Chinese restaurant (only one person spoke partial English, all menus were in Chinese). When she saw the hand-written menu she was so impressed with the caligraphy she tucked the menu in her purse. Some months later she finished the result, a stunning white sweater with the Chinese symbols hand-stiched down the front. She received compliments galore until one cocktail party when they met a distiguished Chinese physician who asked her where she got the symbols. He then wanted to know if she knew what they meant. "I'm afraid to ask," she said, "but tell me anyway." Even she had to laugh when he told her they read, "This is a cheap dish--but good." ____________________________________________________
I love archaeological mysteries!

Today on July 6
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned.

1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in 
 Boston, MA, and deported back to England.

1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during 
 the American Revolution.

1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine.

1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies
vaccine. The child used in the test later became the
director of the Pasteur Institute.

1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between
 officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question 
 was John Walker.

1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence 
 captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks.

1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was
established.

1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half
 years. About 600,000 people died.

1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed 
 after five years of house arrest by a federal court.

1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase 
 Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion.

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans 
 could not pay women smaller monthly payments solely 
 because of their gender.

1988 Several popular beaches were closed in 
 New York City due to medical waste and other debris 
 washing up on the seashores.

1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot 
 rover on the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on 
 the red planet on July 4th.

1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland 
 after British authorities blocked an Orange Order march 
 in Portadown.

2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24
million for the unauthorized use of his name in the comic
book Spawn and the HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO
settled with Twist out of court for an undisclosed amount. 

2016  smiled.


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HTML from MS WORD 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, July 5

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Todays Bonehead Award: Drunk 19-year-old babysitter with 4 kids in car charged with DUI on Long Island. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 5, in 1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the junction transistor. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering It's useless trying to hold a person to anything s/he says while s/he's in love, drunk or running for office. --- Socratex There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ We are now seeing a new, redesigned $20 bill. This is part of an anti-counterfeiting program to redesign all of our old currency, which has become too easy to duplicate with modern color photocopiers- a fact that was made all too clear when Xerox, in its 2012 annual report, reported profits of "$850 Billion, mostly in $20's".
Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Several weeks after his birthday, I stopped by my sister's house and my 7 year old nephew greeted me with, "Thanks for the Sea Scout Signal Whistle you gave me for my birthday ! It's the best birthday present I ever got." "That's great, Did you learn how to pipe any signals on it ?" "Oh, I don't play with it," the little guy said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to blow it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to blow it at night." ______________________________________________________ Anni got a part time job in a local restaurant to pick up a little money. She was concerned about being able to carry the heavy trays and serve from them but a co-worker explained that there were tray stands placed throughout the restaurant. A nervous Anni served all the lunches successfully last Saturday utilizing every stand she could find. Afterward Anni was concerned about an elderly couple that had finished some time ago and paid their check, but remained sitting at the table. When Anni asked if everything had been all right, the man said quietly, " Yes, It was fine, dear, but my wife and I would like to leave now and we were wondering if she could please have her walker back?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drunk 19-year-old babysitter with 4 kids in car charged with DUI on Long Island. Sabrina Macri, 19, Mount Sinai, Long Island Suffolk County police arrested a 19-year-old babysitter Thursday afternoon after a good Samaritan called police to report the woman was intoxicated with four children in her car. The call came around 2 p.m. after the witness observed a driver apparently unable to locate her vehicle in the parking lot of Cedar Beach, located on Harbor Beach Road in Mount Sinai. The suspect, identified as Sabrina Macri, had four boys ranging in age from 4 to 11 in her care. Authorities say that once she located her vehicle, a black 2015 Honda Civic, Macri attempted to drive away, and the good Samaritan -- Nicole Diaz -- used her own vehicle to block the Honda until police arrived. "I just couldn't let her leave with those kids, couldn't let her leave," Diaz said. "I just pulled my car across, I blocked everybody in. She's not getting out, and no one else is." Macri, of Sound Beach, was charged with DWI, Aggravated DWI with a child passenger 15 years or younger (Leandra's Law), four counts of endangering the welfare of a child and two counts of criminal possession of a controlled substance. Prosecutors said Macri was defiant at the scene, telling the officer, "I (expletive) hate you, you guys have to let me go. I didn't do anything. So what if I had a few drinks? That's what people my age do, you (expletive) loser." Diaz said she was horrified at what she saw, and that she is happy the children are OK. "It's a very small lot," she said. "There's one way in, one way out. So I just sat at the exit, waited for her to make her move. And when she decided to drive it out of the parking lot, I wouldn't let her. You just knew that she shouldn't have been driving." Macri pleaded not guilty at her arraignment Friday. The girl's mother was in court but refused to comment as she left, though the family assured the judge that Macri would get treatment. "She's responsible for four children," Diaz said, "Sh needs to act the way someone responsible for four children should act." The judge issued an order of protection on behalf of the children. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria RE: HTML from MS WORD Dear Webby, I write my web pages by saving MS WORD docs as HTML. Usually that works OK. When it didn't, I asked my ISP to look at it and fix it. He got quite rude about it and was of no help. Can you fix it for me? Maria Dear Maria No, I won't, but I'll try not to get rude about it. The HTML produced by WORD does sorta work, but it is definitely not suitable for quick fixes or updating. The code looks awful and any fixes are very time consuming, especially when compared to clean HTML. Your best bet is to just write a new doc and convert that, or use a proper HTML editor to write your pages. I doubt that you will find any volunteer to fix that page for free, or even for pay. You can write the page with Open Office WRITE, and save it as HTML. That produces fairly good HTML that can be updated easily. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ "When I was a youngster," complained the frustrated father, "I was disciplined by being sent to my room without supper. But my son has his own color TV, phone, computer and DVD player. "So what do you do?" asked his friend. "I send him to MY room and I go play in HIS room!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Hardwood Floor Cleaner When we built our home, I talked to the salesman in the Janitorial Supply store and asked him how to keep my floors looking their best. He said that after mopping the floor (I add Mr. Clean which removes the scuff marks and dirt really fast), to use a wide (mine is 24") dust mop and spray dust off on it and then dust the whole floor. It leaves it shiny. This is all I have done to my floors now for 14 years and they still look great. (07/02/2006) By eletha I own a cleaning business and we make most of our own products. We use a mixture of vinegar, alcohol and water with a hint of lemon. If you have pets the alcohol disinfects and prevents cats or dogs from spraying again. The lemon gives it a fresh sent and the vinegar is a fast drying agent. Works great for all floor types, even tile, linoleum. etc. Vist our website at www.HouseCleaningProfessionals.com - we would love to hear about your homemade solutions. Thanks (07/23/2008) By Jennifer ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ I attended an oil exec convention once. The first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas." ___________________________________________________
Funny Cats
____________________________________________________ Safe way to bathe a cat 1.Prepare a tall and heavy stack of towels and tie a long string to the towel at the bottom of the stack. 2. Scrub toilet and flush several times. 3. Fill toilet with warm water and add a squirt of pet shampoo. 4. Drop cat in toilet and slam lid shut. 5. Quickly put the stack of towels on the lid. - The cat's efforts to get out will generate a good deal of sudsing and washing motions. 6. When the cat gets bored, flush toilet a couple of times to rinse the cat. 7. Lay the string that you tied to the towel at the bottom of the stack of towels on the floor out into the hallway, close the door securely. 8. Close the door securely with you safely on the HALLWAY side of it. 9. Pull on the string with short, sharp tugs to get the tall stack of towels to sway and to tumble evenly all around the toilet to absorb the water when the cat erupts from the toilet bowl. 10. Cat will sulk and plot revenge anyway, but if you feed it a pizza under the door before opening the door, it may be not too expensive. Make sure you turn all shoes and slippers upside down to avoid having them filled with tokens of revenge. ____________________________________________________ Phil and Jill had been married for many years but now were in divorce court. The judge asked, "Phil, is it true that the last three years of your marriage, you did not speak to Jill?" Phil replies, "Yes Judge, that is correct." "And how do you explain this unusual conduct?" the judge inquires. Phil replies, "Your Honor, my Ma told me not to interrupt when a woman is speaking." ____________________________________________________
Have a look at residential areas of popular tourist cities. My old farm house looks better and better to me!

Today on July 5
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their
attempt to retake Buenos Aires, Argentina.

1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to 
 declare independence from Spain.

1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior
British force at Chippewa, Canada.

1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers.

1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the 
 press after German Democrats advocate a revolt against 
 Austrian rule.

1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan
Island in China and then occupied it.

1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and 
 distributed supplies to the citizens.

1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for a rotary
engine.

1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet
Union. 

1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the 
Soviet salient. It was the largest tank battle in history.

1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
 its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in 
 Paris. Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit.

1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first 
 time at Osan, South Korea.

1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented 
 the junction transistor.

1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French
rule.

1989 Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver
North received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term
for his  part in the Iran-Contra affair. The convictions
were later overturned.

1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with
 the launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars.

2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian 
 hijacker after he threw a grenade that exploded and
wounded 15 passengers aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner.

2016  smiled.


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Is Incredimail still spying? 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, July 4
If you are in the US, happy Independence Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman beats the crap out of her boyfriend who wanted to go back to his wife. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 4, in 1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President of the Continental Congress in America. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One time while driving through Alabama, I stopped at one of those 24-hour gas station mini-marts to get myself a fresh-brewed cup of coffee. When I picked up the pot, I could not help noticing that the brew was as black as asphalt and just about as thick. "How old is the coffee you have here?" I asked the woman who was reading a magazine behind the store counter. She shrugged. "I don't know. I've only been working here two weeks."
Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
While attending college, I worked evenings at a retail store. On slow nights my co-worker Susan would often sing along with the radio while we did paperwork or restocked merchandise. One evening as the manager was leaving, I expressed my concern to him about our safety, being two women working alone at night. "Oh, you'll be fine," he said, waving of his hand. "If you see anybody who looks suspicious, just warn him that Susan knows karaoke." ______________________________________________________ A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as youI'd look trying to milk a bicycle!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Florida woman beats the crap out of her boyfriend who wanted to go back to his wife. Charlotte Pollock, 37, West Palm Beach, Florida A West Palm Beach woman was arrested Thursday afternoon after being accused of beating the man she was having an affair with, according to Delray Beach Police. Why was she so mad? Apparently, he wanted to get back with his wife. Woman charged with beating lover: ‘You love that (Rolex) more than me’ photo Charlotte Pollock is facing charges of aggravated battery, grand theft and trespassing. Charlotte Pollock, 37, of West Palm Beach, is facing charges of aggravated battery, larceny and trespassing. Pollock, who is married, was allegedly having an affair with a 54-year-0ld married man with whom she worked with. Sometime in mid-June, the man was at his Delray Beach home when he told Pollock he wanted to get back together with his wife, which angered Pollock. According to a Delray Beach Police arrest report, she first struck him over the head with a glass pane from a coffee table, then struck him again with a glass pane as he retreated to his bedroom. Pollock then trashed his bedroom, shoved him on the bed and tried to shove his prescription medication into his mouth and ears while jamming her fingers into his eyes, according to the report. Pollock then picked up a lamp and struck him in the back and shoulder. When the man tried to call police, Pollock allegedly ripped a gold and white Rolex watch off his wrist and said: “You love that [expletive] watch more than me.” She then left the man’s house. After police asked her to come to the station and tell her side of the story, Pollock didn’t show. She did, however, return the watch to the man, dropping it off on the front seat of his car. Pollock was released from the Palm Beach County Jail on Thursday after posting $5,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sandra RE: Incredimail spying Dear Webby, Some of our clients use that "Incredimail" spyware with that silly gullibility reporter ( that little orange envelope icon ). If I have to forward their mail to another department, quite often it causes the mail to stick and not go out as it should. What causes that and what do you recommend to get around that nuisance ? Sandra Dear Sandra The cause for that problem is probably that gullibility reporter trying to report on you and/or the original sender of that mail. If you just go on-line to retrieve the incoming mail from the Internet, but then go off-line while you forward mail to different departments on your internal office network, then that tattle-tale can not snitch on you to Incredimail, but keeps on trying. The same of course also happens whenever the Incredimail server is too busy to accept the report about you. When you forward that type of mail, they hide that orange envelope in a tiny, almost invisible dot near the bottom. Just locate that tiny dot and delete it. After that, the mail will go out instantly. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A fellow nurse at my hospital received a call from an anxious woman. "I'm diabetic and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today," she said. "Are you light-headed?" my colleague asked. "No, not really," the caller answered, "Just a bit at the roots, but other than that I am a redhead this week." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Fireworks After the Holiday Last year I went after the 4th when they were having the buy 1 get 2 free sales (yep I typed that right) and stocked up for this year. We already have a bag full of fireworks waiting for us to light up this year! Of course you need to store them in a safe, fireproof place. The BBQ is NOT a good place to store them! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "Not at all. I just play bridge with my wife." ___________________________________________________
Reading of the Declaration of Independence
____________________________________________________ "Hello?" A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was fed up with wrong number calls. There always eem to be more during times of full moon. "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end...a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well...he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him..." she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean...who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes...please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded this time. "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well...he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry...it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's Very Upset and that I would Like Him to Call Me as Soon As He Gets Home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will...but Becky isn't going to like this..." " Click " ____________________________________________________ A guide is showing a Texan the Niagara Falls. "I'll bet you don't have anything like that in Texas!" "Nope, I reckon we don't," said the Texan. "But we've got plumbers who could fix it." ____________________________________________________
What a beautiful ship!

Today on July 4
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by 
 Thomas Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock,
 the President of the Continental Congress in America.
1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers.
The property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was
for $15 million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of
Discovery," led by Meriwether Lewis and William Clark,
began the exploration of the territory on May 14, 1804.
1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake
Erie and the Hudson River.
1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year
 experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord,
MA.
1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City,
KS.
1886 The first rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ.
1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared 
 Hawaii a republic.
1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the 
 Philippines.
1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after 
 African-American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in
a heavyweight boxing match.
1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight.
1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was
dedicated.
1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the
first time in over four hundred years.
1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia,
PA.
1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of
Information Act, which went into effect the following year.
1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the 
 "Butcher of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of
crimes against humanity and sentenced to life in prison.
1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed on
Mars. A rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather data
about the surface of the planet.
1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island was 
 made free of charge.
2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into
waters off its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions.
2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. 
 It had been closed to the public since 2001.
2016  smiled.


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Electromagnetic pollution 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, July 3

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Todays Bonehead Award: Arizona TV reporters charged after cocaine found in baby's system Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 3, in 1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Study as if you were going to live forever; live as if you were going to die tomorrow. --- Maria Mitchell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One of our patients wasn't taking any chances. Prior to her operation, she taped notes to her body for the surgeon... "Take your time," "Don't cut yourself," "No need to rush," "Wash your hands..." After surgery, as I helped the patient back into her bed, we discovered a new note taped to her, this one from the doctor, "Has anyone seen my wristwatch?"
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I spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options to one of our employees. After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions, he decided to max out, choosing $100,000 worth of life insurance. But he had one last question. "Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?" ______________________________________________________ The man entered the florist shop and ordered a bouquet of flowers to be delivered to his wife. When asked what he wanted on the card, he replied that no card was necessary as she'd know who they came from. Shortly after the flowers were delivered, the florist received a phone call from the wife asking who had sent the flowers. The florist told her that the sender requested no card be included. "Please, I've GOT to know WHO sent these flowers BEFOR0E my husband comes home for lunch!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Arizona TV reporters charged after cocaine found in baby's system Krystin Lisaius, 26, Somchai Lisaius, 42, Oro Valley, Arizona An Oro Valley couple known around Tucson as on-air personalities is facing drug charges after tests revealed there was cocaine in their baby's system. Oro Valley police say 26-year-old Krystin Lisaius and husband Somchai Lisaius were indicted on charges of possession of a dangerous drug, drug paraphernalia and child abuse on June 9. CBS affiliate KOLD reports that authorities said they found less than 2 grams of "white powder or white residue" and other paraphernalia at the couple's home. They made their first appearance in court on Monday. Both were TV reporters in Tucson. Krystin Lisaius worked at KGUN-TV while 42-year-old Somchai Lisaius was a reporter for Tucson News Now. It appears they suddenly don't work at those stations anymore. Riley said the baby was taken to the hospital on May 15 after being breast-fed and appearing to be in distress. Test revealed cocaine in the four-month-old's body. The baby is now living with a relative. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marnia RE: Electromagnetic pollution Dear Webby, How serious are those concerns about "electromagnetic radiation pollution"? My mother-in-law read some stuff about it in some magazine and is all worried about it. Marnia Dear Marnia It doesn't seem to affect everybody the same way. Most people never notice it, but extraordinarily gullible persons may think that something is affecting them and with some coaching from fanatics may indeed worry themselves an ulcer or whatever is fashionable in their circles. I have worked for years in extremely high electromagnetic environments like an aluminum smelter, major electric power plants, and large welding shops, and I have outlived a lot of doctors that I have known. While doctors usually die from cancer, heart disease or mysterious ailments, the people in those high electromagnetic environments seem to die mostly of traffic accidents or old age. However, once somebody believes in the danger of electromagnetic radiation pollution, you can't reason with them, and trying to use logic on them just makes them hostile. Just humor them and play along. Usually those people are so clueless that putting plastic childproofers onto electrical outlets "to stop the electric radiation from leaking out" will make them feel better. In the mid 90's at the peak of the electromagnetic radiation scare period, I sold a good number of protective monitor screens. They were just black metal mesh mosquito screens made up for me by the local window glazing company. I added a ground wire to them and a little alligator clip. Those screens reduced the glare and reflection off the monitor,and thereby reduced eye strain and headaches, but the people who bought them swore their headaches went away because they shielded them from electro- magnetic radiation. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ After a two-week criminal trial in a very high profile bank robbery case, the judge turns to the jury foreman and asks, "Has the jury reached a verdict in this case?" "Yes, we have, your honor," the foreman responded. "Would you please pass it to me," the judge declared, as he motioned for the bailiff to retrieve the verdict slip from the foreman and deliver it to him. After the judge reads the verdict himself, he delivers the verdict slip back to his bailiff to be returned to the foreman and instructs the foreman, "Please read your verdict to the court." "We find the defendant Not Guilty of all four counts of bank robbery," stated the foreman. The family and friends of the defendant jump for joy at the verdict and hug each other as they shout expressions of divine gratitude. The man's attorney turns to his client and asks, "So, what do you think about that?" The defendant, with a bewildered look on his face turns to his attorney and says, "I'm real confused here. Does this mean that I have to give all the bank money back?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Magnet to Hold Brush to Paint Can When you're painting and you need to put your brush down it can be messy, not to mention losing it. Just use a hot glue gun and attach a magnet on to your brush handle. Then when you need to set down your brush it will stay right on your paint can. By coville123 Most paint cans have a groove designed to trap paint and splatter it all over, when you tap the lid in place. Pros take two two inch spiral nails, and hammer two holes each on opposite sides, and leave the nails in one hole each per side. Then we run a rubber band across the paint can berween opposite nails. Now you can lean the brush with the handle on a clean rim and the bristles on the rubber band, dripping into the can. Any paint, that gets onto the rim, drips down through the unoccupied holes, and there won't be any splattering, when you remove the nails and slam the lid. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible,"he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet" the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog."HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Oh!! NO!! He's Pentecostal!" ___________________________________________________
kitten climbs into cage with puppy
____________________________________________________ Little Mary was attending a wedding for the first time. As she sat in the church, she watched the bride slowly approach the altar. Mary whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple. The child thought about this for a moment, then said... "So why is the groom wearing black?" ____________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they would not let him in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ____________________________________________________
Glass wave sculptures. Some people have such vivid imaginations.

Today on July 3
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain.
1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the 
 Continental Army at Cambridge, MA.
1878 John Wise flew the first US dirigible in Lancaster,
PA.
1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish 
 ships in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a
blockade  of U.S. naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish
ships were  destroyed in the battle that followed.
1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced 
 between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila.
1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to
break out of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France.
1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk.
1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the 
 Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first 
 air-strike of the Korean War.
1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine
years after the end of World War II.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated
the Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 
2016  smiled.


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Ezinefinder voting not working 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, July 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
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Todays Bonehead Award: Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 2, in 1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened for business. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Some have been thought brave because they were afraid to run away. --- Thomas Fuller (1608 - 1661) "A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free." -- Nikos Kazantzakis (1885-1957) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Johnny for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Johnny answered, "A lawyer!
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When Jill decided to improve her computer skills, she threw herself into it with enthusiasm. Every week she'd check out two or three instructional books from the library. After about a month the librarian commented, "Wow! You must really be getting knowledgeable at this stuff." "Thanks," Jill said. "What makes you say that?" The librarian answered, "Only one of the books you're checking out this week has 'For Dummies' in the title." ______________________________________________________ My cousin took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On her very first call, she introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." A man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light! Did my dog leave some pee-mail on you ?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Man Ubers across Florida for sex with minor Michael Hoyman, 23, Port St Lucie, Florida A Florida man Ubered his way across the state, at a one-way fare of $248, to have sex with a minor, according to law enforcement here. However, it wasn't a child waiting behind this home's doors. Instead, a multi-agency team swarmed 23-year-old Michael Hoyman and arrested the Port St. Lucie man, charging him with obscene communication for traveling to meet a child after using a computer to lure that child, as well as cruelty toward a child for transmitting harmful information. Hoyman's arrest was one of 22 so far in a sex sting dubbed "Operation Cyber Guardian," which mirrors previous online operations in which undercover officers pose as teens or pre-teens and arrange to meet adults for sex. Two of the men arrested in this sting were registered sex offenders, and one was a registered sexual predator. At 150 miles, Hoyman's Uber ride across the Sunshine State was the farthest trek in this operation; six men were from Cape Coral. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank RE: Ezinefinder problem Dear Webby, Webby, Just a follow up on items. I did not cancel existing subscription. I just clicked on link for the Total Protection package and lo and behold I was only charged the $29.99 plus tax for total of $32.46. I figured it was worth a try and could always cancel if it did not work. McAfee confirmed the order and price. Secondly, I did not again receive your letter this morning (7/1) so I went to site and read it. For the forth day something is strange when I vote and get an odd response that does not let me click to confirm vote. There is a button to un-subscribe...almost a complete blank page from enzine. So if your votes have decreased this is perhaps the reason. I contacted Cox.net about the web mail and explained and after spending almost an hour finally got a tech in Omaha that walked me through how to hopefully correct the problem. She said that many times when people get tired of mail they do NOT un-subscribe, they only mark mail as SPAM. Hence this makes situation worse with ISP's. I am NOT saying this is the case with humor@webby.com but a 'blanket' statement. We'll see what happens going forward but I have a good feeling that the problem is now cured. Dear Frank Re McAfee: Make sure you don't have Auto-Renew on the old subscription! Otherwise you will end up with two. Yes, the Ezinefinder has serious problems again. Less than half the votes are counted, except for the ones for Daily Thrifty Fun. That is their own newsletter and the votes for that seem to be counted manually or hardwired into the program. It appears that none of the votes, that require email confirmation, are counted. Of the votes cast after logging in and selecting your favorites and then voting on those, not all, but most seem to be counted. You can write to support@cumuli.com and support@ezinefinder.com. They don't answer me. They also have a contact form. Maybe they will answer you. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Johnny asked his father to explain the differences between irritation, aggravation, and frustration. His father picked up the phone and dialed a number at random. When the phone was answered, he asked, "Can I speak to Bill, please?" "No! There's no one called Bill here," the person who answered the phone replied. His father hung up. "That's irritation," he said. He picked up the phone again, dialled the same number, and asked for Bill a second time. "No, there's no one here called Bill. Go away. If you call again I'll call the cops," the person replied. His father hung up and said, "That's aggravation." "Then what's frustration?" asked Johnny. His father picked up the phone and dialled the same number a third time. "Hello, this is Bill. Have there been any messages for me?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Wood Cutting Board By hopeful [27 Posts, 135 Comments] 2 found this helpful I use baking soda and/or vinegar to clean my cutting board. Occasionally I oil it with cooking oil. I have used the same hand made wooden cutting board for over 40 years, and it is still in good condition. By Karenhope from Salem, OR ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman was at work when she received a phone call that her daughter was very sick with a fever. She left her work and stopped by the pharmacy to get some medication. She got back to her car and found that she had locked her keys in the car. She didn't know what to do, so she called home and told the baby sitter what had happened. The baby sitter told her that the fever was getting worse. She said, "You might find a coat hanger and use that to open the door." The woman looked around and found an old rusty coat hanger that had been thrown down on the ground, possibly by someone else who at some time or other had locked their keys in their car. Then she looked at the hanger and said, "I don't know how to use this." So she bowed her head and asked God to send her some help. Within five minutes an old rusty car pulled up, with a dirty, greasy, bearded man who was wearing an old biker skull rag on his head. The woman thought, "This is what you sent to help me?" But, she was desperate, so she was also very thankful. The man got out of his car and asked her if he could help. She said, "Yes, my daughter is very sick. I stopped to get her some medication and I locked my keys in my car. I must get home to her. Please, can you use this hanger to unlock my car?" He said, "Sure". He walked over to the car, and in half a minute the car was opened. She hugged the man and through her tears she said, "Thank You So Much! You are a very nice man." The man replied, "Lady, I am not a nice man. I just got out of prison a week ago. I was in prison for car theft. Yesterday I blew my probation by getting drunk and now I have to go back in for another two months." The woman hugged the man again and with sobbing tears cried out loud, "Oh, Thank you God! You even sent me a Professional!" ___________________________________________________
Bandaloop - kinda awesome!
____________________________________________________ One criminal who was accused of several murders and robbery was sentenced to death by the judge of the court. It was decided that the criminal will be shot by a firing squad on a particular day. On that very day, the weather was very foul. It rained cats and dogs. There was not sufficient light to see anything clearly. But duty is duty so the captain of the squad along with his five soldiers took the criminal and started walking to the spot. On the way the criminal told the Captain, "See,what a weather! I am not afraid of death, but this day is not suitable for dying. What do you think?" "Truly, the weather is very foul", the Captain replied, "But you are fortunate as you are only going one way, just think how soaked we are going to get! We have to walk all the way back!" ____________________________________________________ A southern woman was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically throughout her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell - me," she panted in her southern drawl, "is - m - ass out?" "Nope," the man replied, but yer hat's on crooked." ____________________________________________________
Brilliant inventions which will change your life.

Today on July 2
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed 
 Adolf of Nassua near Worms, Germany.
1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a 
 year of siege.
1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of 
 Marston Moor near York, England.
1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American
colonies "are, and of right ought to be, free and
independent States"  was adopted by the Continental
Congress.
1850 B.J. Lane patented the gas mask.
1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially
opened for business.
1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on 
 imperial lands.
1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared
in the Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the 
world at the equator.
1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening,
dropped land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied
Budapest.
1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air
Force insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness
accounts led to speculation that it might have been an
alien spacecraft.
1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in 
 response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize 
 the Marine base at Con Thien.
1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not
 inherently cruel or unusual.
1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited.
1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft
registration for males 18 years of age.
1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth.
1985 General Motors announced that it was installing
electronic road maps as an option in some of its higher-
priced cars.
1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, 
 Bill Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the
world's richest man. In 1999, he was worth about $77
billion.
1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that
alleged that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill
American defectors during the Vietnam War.
2016  smiled.


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McAfee Coupon 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, July 1
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Sig!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Independence Day Sale
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Florida home invader got tenderized with his own baseball bat Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 1, in 1050 Hagar the Horrible's Great-Grandfather colonized what is now called Newfoundland, Canada. Rumor has it that all that remains is their drinking habits, pieces of ships, some bones and weapons. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Wine makes a man more pleased with himself; I do not say that it makes him more pleasing to others. ---Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) Too bad the only people who know how to run the country are busy driving cabs and cutting hair. --- George Burns ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the family car developed a slight knock, Leroy asked his Betty-Sue she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."
Independence Day Sale
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8 days only.
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With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Flo for this one: The company I work for offers tours through the historic district of Annapolis, Maryland, led by guides dressed in Colonial clothing. While leading a group, Felix, one of our guides, tripped and fell, breaking his wrist. He went to the hospital, and as he sat waiting in the emergency room, a policeman walked by. Doing a double take at Felix in his 18th-century garb, he asked, "Just how long have you been waiting?" ______________________________________________________ A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Florida home invader got tenderized with his own baseball bat Noah Jess Dassat, 33, of Santa Cruz, California A Florida burglar's plan to break into a Sarasota County home ended with the crook sustaining head injuries at the hand of his own weapon. Noah Jess Dassat, 33, of Santa Cruz, Calif., was arrested and charged on June 23 with four felony charges and one misdemeanor for armed burglary, battery and criminal mischief. According to North Port Police, Dassat broke into the home of a married couple and three children armed with a baseball bat. Once inside the house, officers said Dassat attacked a man inside the home. However, the man placed Dassat in a bear hug, and his wife grabbed the bat and tenderized the intruder. Dassat eventually managed to flee the house but was later apprehended by Charlotte County deputies after using a fake name at a Port Charlotte hospital. He is currently in the Charlotte County Jail and being held without bond. Three cheers for THAT Lady! ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank RE: McAfee coupon for next month? Dear Webby, Question...do you happen to know if the following offers can extend my current subscription? My Total Protection expires in August. Frank Dear Frank Unfortunately, that coupon is just for the announced 8 days. No rain checks. As far as I know, those coupon specials are normally just for new subscribers. You would have to unsub from your current deal, sacrifice a month, and then use the coupon as a newbie the next day. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A preacher said to the farmer, "Do you belong to the Christian family ?" "No", he said, " they live two farms down ". "No,no, I mean are you lost ?" "No, I've been here thirty years." "I mean are you ready for Judgement Day?" "When is it ?" "It could be today or tomorrow ". "Well, when you find out for sure when it is , you let me know. My wife will probably want to go both days !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cure for Gel Toothpaste Mess By bsteph1956 My husband makes a mess when using gel toothpaste. There always seems to be a big "glob" around the opening after he uses it. I wipe all of the old toothpaste off around the opening and use a Q-tip to apply baby oil around the cap and rim of the tube. It works very well and no more discussions with my otherwise "perfect" husband! ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Three residents at the Funny-Farm are at the doctor's office for their annual intelligence test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three?" "274," he replies. The doctor asks the second man, "What is three times three?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor says to the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Easy," says the third man. "I subtracted 274 from Tuesday." ___________________________________________________
Roger Whitaker
____________________________________________________ While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones. ____________________________________________________ A man owned a small farm in South Georgia. The Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent to interview him. "You just give me a list of your employees and tell me how much you pay them." "All right," said the farmer. "I have a hired man. Been with me for three years. I pay him $600 a week, plus room and board. I have a cook. She's been here six months. She gets $500 a week plus room and board." "Anybody else?" asked the agent as he scribbled on a note pad. "Yeah," the farmer said. "There's a half-wit here. Works about eighteen hours a day. I pay him ten dollars a week and give him tobacco." "A ha!" the agent roared. "I want to talk to that half- wit!" "You ARE talkin' to him," said the farmer. ____________________________________________________
A real underground kingdom.

Today on July 1
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a 
 Roman Emperor by the Egyptian legions.
1050 Hagar the Horrible's Great-Grandfather colonized what
is now called Newfoundland, Canada. 
1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich.
1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard 
 of Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked 
 Cadiz, Spain.
1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt.
1847 The U.S. Post Office issued its first adhesive stamps.
1867 Canada became an independent dominion.
1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks.
1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made 
 out of wood was opened in San Francisco, CA.
1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt 
 and his "Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on 
 San Juan Hill in Cuba.
1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his 
 new "A" type alkaline storage batteries.
1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of
the Somme began in France. The battle was the first to use
tanks.
1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened 
 to traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on 
 November 7, 1940.
1942 German troops captured Sevestpol, Crimea, in the 
 Soviet Union.
1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding 
 federal income tax from paychecks.
1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near 
 Bikini Atoll in the Pacific Ocean.
1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem 
 the tide of the advancing North Korean army.
1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi
threats.
1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60
countries. 
1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of
Wales.
1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon
the death of her husband, Juan.
1979 Sony introduced the Walkman.
1980 "O Canada" was proclaimed the national anthem of
Canada.
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved.
1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation
Organization visited the Gaza Strip.
1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from 
 Great Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong 
 as a colony for 156 years.
2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show 
 their opposition to anti-subversion legislation.
2016  smiled.


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Fuzzy zoom pictures 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, June 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
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Today's International Bonehead Award: NY businessman demanded kosher meals after mile-high hooker romp to bribe cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 30, in More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy. --- Woody Allen Was he talking about Al Gore, or WhatsHisName? It is dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Only drug dealers and software companies call their customers 'users.' --- Socratex. _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Helloooou, Sandy," whereupon Sandy broke up in roaring laughter. "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get $60 off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
>From Hilla I have CDO. It's like Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, only in alphabetical order, like it should be. ______________________________________________________ At most universities some students operate a "bank" of term papers and other assignments. Nowadays you just buy a photocopy, but when I went to University you rented a hand typed copy for $5, and got $4 back if the number of smudges and beer stains had not increased noticeably. If it didn't come back or looked too badly abused, the $4 went to whoever typed up a fresh copy from the original. Officially the renter was just supposed to use the rented papers "for inspiration and as an example". Yeah, right. A similar system is in operation at the unnamed New England university where this story happened: There were papers to suit all needs and as it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade and C grade. A student who had spent the weekend on pursuits other than his assignment, went to the "bank" and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for an inconspicious C, retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it should have had an A, and now I am glad to give it one!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NY businessman demanded kosher meals after mile-high hooker romp to bribe cops They went from porking to kosher. The Orthodox Jewish businessman who allegedly ordered up a wild, sex-fueled plane ride to Las Vegas as a bribe for NYPD favors demanded rabbi-certified food for the return trip, The Post has learned. Real-estate investor Jona Rechnitz — who shelled out $59,000 for the round-trip travel — requested kosher deli sandwiches and a fruit platter for the group’s flight to Teterboro, NJ. But airline manifests show the same six passengers got “standard stock” meals for the outbound flight, where call girl Gabi Grecko said she had group sex with the men, including now-disgraced Deputy Inspector James Grant. Click through for her Instagram page E-mails obtained by The Post also show Rechnitz, who sources have said is cooperating with the feds in a bid for leniency, griped about having to pay the government its share for the shady getaway. “Tax is 2k each way???” he wrote on Jan. 31, 2013, two days before the trip to Sin City. “Tax is 7.5 %,” replied Keli McCabe-LaCrete of the Apollo Jets charter company. The Post revealed the details of the cross-country trip on Friday after speaking exclusively with Grecko, who is identified in court papers as “Prostitute-1.” Grecko has said Rechnitz’s pal, Jeremy Reichberg, directed the kinky action on the plane. “He’d call me a dirty slut while smacking my a--,” she recalled. She also said she was paid a paltry $1,500 for the trip, because the men placed a big bet on the San Francisco 49ers, who lost Super Bowl XLVII to the Baltimore Ravens, 34-31. She spoke briefly to reporters before a Friday meeting with her lawyer, saying her role in the alleged gifts-for-favors scheme was “very embarrassing.” “It was a dark time in my life. I had to support myself, and I had no other way to pay rent,” she said. “It’s not something I’m proud of, and I definitely don’t want it to define me or my career.” “I am a designer and a reality-TV star, etc.,” she added. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ina RE: Fuzzy zoom pictures Dear Webby, I got a good digital camera that takes excellent pictures unless I use the zoom. Then things get fuzzy. Since it's the same lens, what's the problem? Ina Dear Ina Most likely your hand is not quite as steady as you think it is. Use a sturdy tripod for zoom shots. Don't waste your money on cheap, lightweight tripods unless you have a wireless remote control for the camera. For professional quality pictures get a wooden surveyor's tripod. Not metal, real wood! Second best is fiberglass. Wood dampens vibrations from wind or the ground. Never set a tripod onto a hard road. It amplifies the tiny vibrations from the road. If you have one of those aluminum tripods that fold up really small, throw it away but keep the soft leather case. Fill the case with ice tea powder in a zip-lock plastic bag. That way you can use the case like a lead-bag and rest the camera on it. It works surprisingly well, and when you get thirsty waiting for the perfect lighting, you can make some ice tea. For really windy locations use a proper lead-bag. For that, find a really old soft leather purse with thick lining at some garage sale. Then go to a sporting goods store where they sell shotgun ammo reloading supplies and get two pounds of fine bird-shot. Fill that into the purse and glue it shut. You can then nestle the camera on the purse and you will get full zoom long distance evening shots as clear as bright daylight close-ups. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Trisha is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trisha," she gently chided, "This is not a chat room !" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Delight Chocolate Cake By Benetta [237 Posts, 125 Comments] Turn a gluten free muffin mix into a nice treat for a Sunday afternoon, or make it when you want to entertain your friends. This chocolate cake has a subtle hint of coffee and whiskey, which adds to the rich flavor. Served with an extra dollop of dairy free dessert topping, this cake will make your guests think that you bought it at the local coffee shop. Imagine their surprise when they realize that you were the talented baker! Approximate Time: one hour, excluding time to cool off before decorating Yield: 10-12 slices of yummy cake Turn a gluten free muffin mix into a nice treat for a Sunday afternoon, or make it when you want to entertain your friends. This chocolate cake has a subtle hint of coffee and whiskey, which adds to the rich flavor. Served with an extra dollop of dairy free dessert topping, this cake will make your guests think that you bought it at the local coffee shop. Imagine their surprise when they realize that you were the talented baker! Approximate Time: one hour, excluding time to cool off before decorating Yield: 10-12 slices of yummy cakeDouble Delight Chocolate Cake Ingredients: 375 g Organic gluten free chocolate muffin mix 125 ml milk cooking oil 60 ml Scotch whiskey 30 ml instant coffee powder, dissolved in 10 ml hot water 5 ml eggs 2 non-stick cooking spray To decorate: 250 ml dairy free dessert topping, grated dark chocolate and small chocolate balls Steps: Preheat the oven to 350ş F. Add all the ingredients to a bowl. Use a wooden spoon to mix well together. Lightly grease a 9" bread loaf pan with non-stick cooking spray. Spoon the mixture into the pan. Bake for 40 minutes, or until a test skewer comes out clean when inserted into the middle. Allow to cool off completely before decorating. Use an electric whisk to whip the dessert topping until it forms stiff peaks and holds its shape well. Use a piping bag to pipe small cream rosettes on the cake. Add the chocolate balls to the top of the cream rosettes. Sprinkle a thick layer of grated chocolate on top. Serve with a dollop of dessert topping and strong filter coffee. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A four year old boy ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mom, you know." "I know," said the child, "but this store is full of moms, and I didn't want to have 5 gazillion moms running after me, telling me that they are not my mom." ___________________________________________________
Roger Whitaker
____________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband ?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife ?" and my Mom said, "He better!" ____________________________________________________ Two doctors and an HMO manager are killed in a train wreck and line up at the Pearly Gates for admission to heaven. Saint Peter asks them to identify themselves. One doctor steps forward and says, "I was a pediatric spine surgeon. I helped hundreds of kids overcome their deformities." Saint Peter says, "Enter." The other doctor says, "I was a psychiatrist. I helped rehabilitate thousands of people." Saint Peter nods and invites him into heaven. The third applicant steps forward and says, "I was an HMO manager. I helped countless people get cost-effective health care." Saint Peter tells him, "You can come in, too." As the HMO manager walks by, Saint Peter adds, "But you can only stay for 3 days." ____________________________________________________
Our genes are amazing!

Today on June 30
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum.
1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger
train.
1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross 
 Niagara Falls on a tightrope.
1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for 
 Japanese aid.
1908 An explosion in Siberia, which knocked down trees in a
 40-mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles
 away. It was believed by some scientists to be caused by 
 a fragment from a meteorite, which has since been found.
1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and 
 Spain. It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War.
1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended
when the French failed to take Vimy Ridge.
1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, 
 the British deputy for Northern Ireland.
1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland.
1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the
SA and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long
Knives."
1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," was 
 published in New York City.
1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into 
 Korea and authorizes the draft.
1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly 
 line in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250.
1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament with 
 US made weaponry.
1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the
admission of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union.
1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The 
 three cosmonauts were found dead inside.
1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition 
 to the B-1 bomber.
1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could
outlaw homosexual acts between consenting adults.
2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to 
 give the same legal validity to an electronic signature
as 
 a signature in pen and ink. 
2016  smiled.


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How to get rid of duplicate files 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, June 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: California DUI suspect drives with body lodged in car for a mile, then walks away. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 29, in 1880 France annexed Tahiti. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Each success only buys an admission ticket to a more difficult problem. --- Henry Kissinger Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Andy wants a job as a signalman on the railways. He is told to meet the inspector at the signal box. The inspector puts this question to him: "What would you do if you realised that two trains were heading for each other on the same track?" Andy says, "I would switch the points for one of the trains." "What if the lever broke?" asked the inspector. "Then I'd dash down out of the signal box," said Andy, "and I'd use the manual lever over there." "What if that had been struck by lightning?" "Then," Andy continues, "I'd run back into the signal box and phone the next signal box." "What if the phone was engaged?" "Well in that case," persevered Andy, "I'd rush down out of the box and use the public emergency phone at the level crossing up there." "What if that was vandalised?" "Oh well then I'd run into the village and get my uncle Tony." This puzzles the inspector, so he asks, "Why would you do that?" Came the answer, "Because his wife, my sister, keeps saying his feet smell so bad, the stench could stop a train!"
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One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaking little voice: "The big sissy." ______________________________________________________ Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by California DUI suspect drives with body lodged in car for a mile, then walks away. Esteysi Sanchez Izazaga, 29, Oceanside, California A pedestrian killed in a hit-and-run flew through the front windshield of the car as the woman behind the wheel kept driving for a mile with the body lodged in the front seat, police said. She eventually parked in a cul-de-sac and walked away, police said. The crash happened in Oceanside, a San Diego County beach town, at 6:20 a.m. Monday. Witnesses reported seeing a man walking on the sidewalk along Mission Avenue when he was hit by a car. Esteysi Sanchez Izazaga, 29, who also goes by Stacy Sanchez, drove her car onto the sidewalk and hit the man at random, according to Oceanside police. Because of her speed, the victim flew into the windshield, head down, coming to a rest on the front passenger seat, police said. The man's leg detached from his body and flew through the back window, landing on the trunk of the car, police said. Izazaga continued driving for about a mile, police said, eventually parking her car in a neighborhood cul-de-sac and walking away. She is suspected of DUI. Witnesses called police, who found Izazaga a few blocks away. She was arrested and will be booked into the Vista Detention Facility. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron RE: Getting rid of duplicates Dear Webby, I have a question about duplicate files especially music and pictures. I have windows 10 (by the way I love it) but I have had this problem since windows 98. How can get rid of these excess files? The worst is in Windows Media Player. I have even deleted files manually but they just show up again. Any help would be appreciated. Thank I also hope youyr eyes keep making improvements. Ron Dear Ron Use "SearchEverything", that I have mentioned a few times. It is at http://voidtools.com Make a folder for wav, mp3 and mp4, and so on. Then let SearchEverything search all your drives for *.wav When it has found them all, SHIFT-DRAG them to the new wav folder. When it encounters duplicates, Windows will ask you if you want to skip or move and replace. Move and replace. Checkmark "Same for all others." That gets rid of all the duplicates. Then do the same with MP3 and MP4 and whatever you want to deduplicate. There are also lots of deduplicater programs available, some of them cheap. However, if you have the free SearchEverything, you can do the same a lot faster, and without having to learn a new program. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. I just didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com White Vinegar to Remove Calcium Deposits By Litter Gitter [170 Posts, 599 Comments] To remove calcium deposits on a faucet, wrap a cloth or small towel, that is soaked with white vinegar, around the faucet and let it sit for several hours. It will remove most of the calcium deposit. Afterwards, scrub with steel wool or a scrubbing pad to remove any that remains. In this case, I wrapped the vinegar soaked towel around the faucet and poured more vinegar on the towel and let it sit over night. I was surprised at the results when I removed the towel. I didn't have time to do any scrubbing with steel wool, but you can tell the difference just by looking at the photos that the white vinegar removed most of the calcium deposit. I really didn't think it was going to work and I was amazed at the results Litter Gitter ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Dear Lord, So far today, I am doing all right. I have not gossiped, haven't lost my temper, haven't been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. However, you better watch out! In a few minutes I am going to open my eyes and get out of bed. ___________________________________________________
when you're angry and you spot the camera
____________________________________________________ What is the difference between mass and weight? Mass is where Catholics go on Sunday, and weight is where sundaes go on a Catholic. ____________________________________________________ The full moon a few days ago reminded me of this story: I gaze at the brilliant moon. The same one, I think to myself, at which Socrates, Aristotle, and Plato gazed. Suddenly, I imagine they appear beside me. I tell Socrates about the national debate over one's right to die and wonder at the constancy of the human condition. I tell Plato that I live in the country that has come closest to Utopia, and backed away from it, and I show him a copy of the Constitution and the way the courts and the politicians hacked it to pieces. I tell Aristotle that we have found many more than four basic elements and I show him a periodic table. Then I get a box of kitchen matches and strike one. They gasp with wonder. We spend the rest of the night lighting farts. ____________________________________________________
Different places to vacation for a change.

Today on June 29
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in
Spain.
1652 Massachusetts declared itself independent
commonwealth.
1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue
Acts. The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint,
paper and tea shipped to America.
1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at
Minot’s Ledge, MA.
1880 France annexed Tahiti.
1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first 
 appendectomy in England.
1903 The British government officially protested Belgian 
 atrocities in the Congo.
1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports 
 all over the country. Many ships were looted.
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia.
1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted 
 electric light bulb.
1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in 
 an economic efficiency measure.
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews 
 in Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism.
1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea
blockade of Korea.
1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the
Korean peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor.
1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put 
 down anti-Communist demonstrations.
1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the 
 North Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong.
1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem.
1982 Israel invaded Lebanon.
2007 The Apple iPhone went on sale.
2016  smiled.


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Not getting the newsletter 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, June 28

I got talked into going on an evening hike with the library
Ramblers. Not far, they said, maybe 15 miles. Bring
dinner.

Yeah, 15 miles further than I was in shape for, all up and
down, but mostly up. Nice view from the top, then the same
route back, all down and up. I paid for having been a show-
off in my teens and twenties, and especially for being out
of shape now. 

Almost blew a gasket, but not quite. Made it back to the
car at 9 pm. Stood in the wind for a while before driving
home, made it home just as the sun was setting at 9:25.

I definitely have to get into better shape!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Independence Day Sale
$60 off!!
8 days only.
$60 off at <a href=http://webby.com/mac.html" align=left/>
With this coupon only!
Save $60 if you order it during those 8 days!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: 4 Houston robbers surrender after getting chased into FBI parking lot. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 28, in 1960 - In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil refineries without compensation. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) One is tempted to define man as a rational animal who always loses his temper when he is called upon to act in accordance with the dictates of reason. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) "Karaoke bars combine two of the nation’s greatest evils: people who shouldn't drink with people who shouldn't sing."---Tom Dreesen "There is nobody so irritating as somebody with less intelligence and more sense than we have." --- Don Herold _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After telling the customs agent he had nothing in his bags but clothing, Mark was alarmed when the official decided to open them up and check. In the very first one she opened, cushioned between his socks was a bottle of cognac. "Nothing to declare but clothing, huh?" "Right," Mark extemporized. "That, madam, is my nightcap."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get $60 off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
A new manager spends a week at his new office with the manager he is replacing. On the last day the departing manager tells him, "I have left three numbered envelopes in the desk drawer. Open an envelope if you encounter a crisis you can't solve." Three months down the track there is a major drama, everything goes wrong - the usual stuff - and the manager feels very threatened by it all. He remembers the parting words of his predecessor and opens the first envelope. The message inside says "Blame your predecessor!" He does this and gets off the hook. About half a year later, the company is experiencing a dip in sales, combined with serious product problems. The manager quickly opens the second envelope. The message read, "Reorganize!" This he does, and the company quickly rebounds. Three months later, at his next crisis, he opens the third envelope. The message inside says "Prepare three envelopes". ______________________________________________________ In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 4 Houston robbers surrender after getting chased into FBI parking lot. The four Houstonians arrested by Dallas police in the short-lived chase are Chrisheena Milburn, 25, Ray Hicks, 21, Brandon Mallet, 29, and Fernando Taylor, 28. If you're going to commit a robbery, it's a good idea to have your escape plan mapped out. Four robbery suspects from Houston found that out the hard way on Tuesday in Dallas when they allegedly stole $20,000 from a Gene's Liquor Store employee at a bank northwest of downtown. As police chased them down from the scene of the crime, the four got chased straight into the FBI's parking lot. The Dallas Morning News reports Dallas police believe the three men and one woman caught are suspects in a series of "bank juggings" around Dallas, in which thieves steal from people who make large withdrawals at local banks. The four Houstonians arrested by Dallas police in the short-lived chase are Chrisheena Milburn, 25, Ray Hicks, 21, Brandon Mallet, 29, and Fernando Taylor, 28. Police were tipped off to the four robbers after seeing them driving around in a white Lexus that had paper dealer tags, according to the Dallas Morning News. Police linked the sport utility vehicle to other robberies around Dallas and were on the lookout for it. Undercover police followed the four to One World Bank at 2449 Walnut Hill Lane, the newspaper reports. That's where they attacked the liquor store employee. Taylor punched the employee while Hicks held him down, according to police records reviewed by the Dallas Morning News. The officer tailing the robbers was joined by other police officers who led the chase. The robbers were allegedly seen throwing items out the windows of the getaway vehicle by police. The chase came to an end when the SUV drove into the FBI's parking lot at 1 Justice Way. The Dallas Morning News reports the four surrendered. A bank bag with $20,000 was found behind an air-conditioning vent in the vehicle. All four were booked into the Dallas County Jail on robbery charges. Mallet, Millburn and Taylor have been released on bail. Hicks remained in jail late Thursday on a $25,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank RE: Not getting Humor letter on Weekends Dear Webby, Thank you for your concern, just so you know, I'm on a lot of peoples list but not for the same reason. Here it is Sunday morning before Church and the Humor letter has not arrived. I once again read it on line and VOTED. Then I remembered last Sunday...when I did get your letter it was actually Saturday the 18th letter. Hence I went to the site and read Sundays. Monday through Friday was fine and the letter was here early in the morning as has been the case for years. As an aside...I do not know how many years I've been on your list but I know it is in excess of a decade. An old friend W.E. Stewart, Sr. signed me up when he was in his 80's and proficient with a computer. He was a WWII Marine veteran who was on Iwo Jima during the battle and the last of his company to decease. He passed last July @ 96 yrs. and I think of him often when I see your letter. Just wanted you to know how you affect people in different ways. God Bless Frank Dear Frank Thanks for the vote! I checked the entire bounce log, which is pretty big on weekends because a lot of office workers use auto- responders to bounce mail on weekends. After downloading the 26 MB bounce log that check is actually very fast with NoteTab. 26 MB of bounces indicate that the newsletter arrived at servers OK. It said your address was not in the bounce log. That means the problem is somewhere inside of cox.net. Can you make a filter so that they don't put the Humor Letter into SPAM or Trash? Since 1994 I use a consistent header: FROM: humor@webby.com SUBJECT: Humor: Originally that was to allow people to filter the Humor Letter into a HUMOR archive or mailbox with Pegasus or Eudora. Nowadays, 22 years later, that still works to keep it from getting put into SPAM, even if I talk about computer related stuff. If you can't make filters at COX.NET, contact their support. Have FUN! DearWebby Webby, Just arrived home and read message. Went to Cox's web mail and low and behold there were Saturdays and Sundays (this week) in the Spam box. I've now marked both of them as not Spam and legitimate. I continually learn something from you every time. Cox's Spam folder did not show last Saturdays mail. Ark City does not have much choice in providers and I'm not an admirer of Cox but that is it here and I don't want to switch to gmail at this time. I'll try to keep an eye on the Cox Spam listing which I did not know they had until today. I do use Mailwasher and Eudora, my Mailwasher filter has you at the top of the list and mark as good. Thanks for your support and understanding Frank _____________________________________________________ A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pineapple Pound Cake Recipe A married couple in New York's "Little Italy" went to their Priest to discuss birth control, since they already had seven children. The husband inquired if perhaps oral sex would be an acceptable substitute in the eyes of the Church. The Priest explained that it was still considered a perverted act and a sin; totally banned according to their faith. The wife spoke up fuming, "Look Father, you no play-a da game, you no make-a da rules!" ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After being laid off, Judie papered the town with her resume. Days passed, and she hadn't received a single phone call. She decided to take a closer look at the copies her husband had printed at his real estate office. Judie quickly realized that he hadn't put blank paper into the machine. At the bottom of each copy, written in bold type, was a common real estate disclaimer: "The information contained herein, while deemed to be accurate, is not guaranteed." ----------------------- While that would cause a chuckle to other job seekers, to an employer that says: "This dingbat is not only incompetent, but the crooked bimbo will steal OUR paper to apply for a job elsewhere! NEXT!" ___________________________________________________
girl sees train for first time
____________________________________________________ A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, I REALLY don't want to be president by the time I am your age !!!" ____________________________________________________ My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. Promptly he returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed water melon from trunk". ____________________________________________________
I love animals, they're so awesome.

Today on June 28
1635 - The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in
the Caribbean. 

1675 - Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes.


1709 - The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the
Battle of Poltava. 

1776 - American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on
Charleston, SC. 

1778 - Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an
American artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during
the Battle of Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's
place at his gun after he was overcome with heat. 

1902 - The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it
authorized a canal to be built across the isthmus of
Panama. 

1914 - Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the
Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along
with his wife, Duchess Sophie. England used that as an
excuse to mix in on the side of the assassin and start WWI.

1919 - The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War
I exactly five years after it began. The treaty also
established the League of Nations. 

1939 - Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic
passenger service. 

1942 - German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet
oil fields in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 

1945 - U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of
Japanese resistance in the Philippines. 

1949 - The last U.S. combat troops were called home from
Korea, leaving only 500 advisers. 

1950 - North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 

1954 - French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin
Province. 

1960 - In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil
refineries without compensation. 

1964 - Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American
Unity to seek independence for blacks in the Western
Hemisphere. 

1965 - The first commercial satellite began communications
service. It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 

1967 - Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under
its sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in
the June 1967 war. 

1971 - The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion
conviction of Muhammad Ali. 

1972 - U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees
would be sent to Vietnam. 

1976 - The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 

1978 - The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at
the University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke.
Bakke, a white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse
racial discrimination. 

1996 - The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-
old men-only policy at the South Carolina military school. 

1997 - Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight
title fight in Las Vegas, NV. 

1998 - Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to
lease U.S. aircraft to bring military force up to NATO
standards. 

1998 - The Cincinnati Enquirer apologized to Chiquita
banana company and retracted their stories that questioned
company's business practices. They also agreed to pay more
than $10 million to settle legal claims. 

2000 - The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law
that outlawed "partial birth abortions" was
unconstitutional. About 30 U.S. states had similar laws at
the time of the ruling. 

2001 - The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of
Columbia Circuit set aside an order that would break up
Microsoft for antitrust violations. However, the judges did
agree that the company was in violation of antitrust laws. 

2004 - The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's
interim leadership. The event took place two days earlier
than previously announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at
undermining the transfer. 

2004 - The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a
24-year break. 

2004 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants
could challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 

2005 - The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World
Trade Center) was formally unveiled. 

2007 - The American bald eagle was removed from the
endangered species list. 

2010 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have
the right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live.


2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, June 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's International Bonehead Award: Georgia man charged with putting feces in disabled mother's mouth Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 27, in 0363 - The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan Revival. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ You see things; and you say, 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say, "Why not?" --- George Bernard Shaw _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A pastor and two of his deacons are out on the river fishing in their rowboat. Twelve o'clock rolls around, and one of the deacons notices a nice spot on the bank to have lunch. He turns to the others and says, "That looks like a nice spot for lunch. What do you say we have lunch over there?" The other deacon agrees, and so does the pastor. The deacon stands up in the boat, steps out onto the river and walks over to the bank. The pastor looks on with amazement, and thinks to himself, if THIS deacon is holy enough to walk on water, surely he can too. The other deacon stands up, picks up the picnic basket, steps out of the boat, and walks over to the bank and sits with the first deacon. Again, to his amazement, the pastor thinks again, if even his second deacon is holy enough to walk on water, then surely he can too. He stands up, gingerly steps out of the boat, and sinks. The first deacon turns to the second and says, "Think we should have told him where the rocks are?"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Brendan had spent a week visiting his family in Kentucky. His sister-in-law and seven-year-old nephew went with him when he returned to the airport. After verifying his seat number with the attendant, Brendan walked back to his relatives and said that he'd have to wait another three hours in the airport. "How come?" his nephew asked. "My plane has been grounded," Brendan explained. "Grounded?!" the little boy said. "I didn't know planes had parents." ______________________________________________________ The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Georgia man charged with putting feces in disabled mother's mouth Quami Dewayne Kelly, 20, Augusta, Georgia A 20-year-old Augusta man is facing charges after he put feces into his disabled mother’s mouth, police said. Quami Dewayne Kelly was booked into the Richmond County jail today on a charge of exploitation of the elderly or disabled. According to an incident report, deputies were called to Kelly’s Melrose Drive home about 7 p.m. Tuesday after his mother’s caretaker found feces in her mouth. The report states that the victim, now 45, was diagnosed with dementia several years ago, is unable to talk and requires constant care. The caretaker, who has worked with the woman for one year, told police she has noticed that recently the woman has had a foul odor to her breath but she could not figure out what was causing it. On Tuesday, the woman was lying on the couch when Kelly leaned down, kissed her goodbye and stuck something into her mouth before leaving home. The caretaker stated she thought it was chocolate until she smelled something foul and discovered the feces in her mouth. She quickly worked to remove it, resulting in getting it on her shirt, which the deputy observed on arrival. The caretaker stated she has expressed concern to Kelly’s father about how Kelly acts around his mother, saying “something has seemed strange for a few months.” Kelly’s father, who was at the residence when the deputy arrived, told police he did not understand why his son would do such a thing. He said his son refused to get a job and wanders the neighborhood day and night. The deputy stated in the incident report that Kelly “acted very uncaring when I advised him of why the police were called.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Blu RE: Saving Favorites Dear Webby, How do I copy and paste the Favorites List? I think it was also asked how do I print the Favorites List? I might be wrong. But you did have something in your newsletter about this. I would greatly appreciate it if you could please print again the information that you did have about the Favorites List. Thank you so very much. Blu Dear Blu That's FINE ! Not yelling at you. Just remember the word "fine !" Hold down the ALT key type F (you can let go of the ALT key after that) type I type N type E hit ENTER (FINE !) Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A passenger train is creeping along, slowly. Finally it creaks to a halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walk by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pineapple Pound Cake Recipe By Jackie H. [169 Posts, 58 Comments] This is my own homemade recipe. It is a very moist fruit filled pound cake. Approximate Time: About 20 minutes to add and mix 45 minutes to bake Yield: 1 large loaf Ingredients: 1 /2 cup (1 stick) butter, melted 1 cup of sugar 1 tsp vanilla 1 tsp almond extract 3 eggs 1 can (20 oz.) crushed pineapple and juice 1/3 cup of vegetable oil 1 1/2 cup flour 1/2 tsp salt 1/2 tsp baking powder 1/2 tsp baking soda Glaze (optional) 1 cup powdered sugar 2 Tbsp milk (I use dairy creamer) 1/2 tsp vanilla Steps: Measure out your flour, baking powder, salt, and baking soda and set aside. In a mixing bowl, put 1 stick of butter in the microwave to melt for 30 seconds. Add 1 cup of sugar. Begin to mix using an electric mixer. Add vanilla, almond extract, and eggs, 1 at a time, mixing until fluffy and smooth. Add pineapple and juice, then the vegetable oil. Mix well. Add flour mixture slowly mixing until all is mixed. Pour into a greased and floured loaf pan. Bake at 350 degrees F for 45 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let this cool, turn onto a plate and turn again until the top is upright. Pineapple Pound Cake You can glaze this if you like to. I find it rich enough not to. It is so moist and fruit filled. You will find this delicious. :) ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in a long long line for judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven - others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into a burning fire pit. Every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss the soul to one side in a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the better of him. So he strolled over and tapped Satan on the shoulder. "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering why are you tossing those souls aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?" "Ah," Satan said with a grin. "Those are from Seattle ... they're too wet to burn!" ___________________________________________________
girl sees train for first time
____________________________________________________ Funny Laws Iowa: Kisses may last for as much as, but no more than, five minutes. Kentucky: By law, anyone who has been drinking is "sober" until he or she "cannot hold onto the ground." It is illegal to transport an ice cream cone in your pocket and then sit close to somebody on a bus or train. Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." Pennsylvania: A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in an apartment dwelling. (If the floor collapses onto the apartment below, that is sufficient proof for conviction of this crime) No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. ____________________________________________________ A friend asked a gentleman why he never married? Replied the gentleman, "Well, I guess I just never met the right woman... I guess I've been looking for the perfect girl." "Oh, come on now," said the friend, "Surely you have met at least one girl that you wanted to marry." "Yes, there was a girl... once. I guess she was the one perfect girl; the only perfect girl I really ever met. She was just the right everything... I really mean that she was the perfect girl for me." "Well, why didn't you marry her," asked the friend. "She was looking for the perfect man." ____________________________________________________
Watch a slideshow of once beautiful, majestic mansions that have slowly died over the years from lack of care.

Today on June 27
0363 - The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to
the Pagan Revival. 

1693 - "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton
in London. It was the first women's magazine and contained
a "question and answer" column that became known as a
"problem page." 

1743 - King George II of England defeated the French at
Dettingen, Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 

1787 - Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the
Roman Empire." It was published the following May. 

1801 - British forces defeated the French and took control
of Cairo, Egypt. 

1847 - New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 

1871 - The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 

1885 - Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a
patent for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 

1893 - The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the
year 600 banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 

1905 - The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the
Black Sea. 

1918 - Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the
first time. 

1929 - Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed
a system for transmitting television pictures. 

1931 - Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which
marked the breakthrough in US helicopter technology. 

1940 - Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril
MacBryde and Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at
8' 11.1." He was only 22 at the time of his death on July
15, 1940. 

1942 - The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi
saboteurs who had been put ashore from a submarine on New
York's Long Island. 

1944 - During World War II, American forces completed their
capture of the French port of Cherbourg from the German
army. 

1949 - "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on
the Dumont Television Network. 

1950 - Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S.
President Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the
Korean conflict. The United Nations Security Council had
asked for member nations to help South Korea repel an
invasion from the North.

1954 - The world's first atomic power station opened at
Obninsk, near Moscow. 

1955 - The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile
seat belt legislation. 

1967 - The world's first cash dispenser was installed at
Barclays Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented
by John Sheppard-Barron. The machine operated on a voucher
system and the maximum withdrawal was $28. 

1967 - Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot
in Buffalo, NY. 

1969 - Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York
City's Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This
incident is considered to be the birth of the homosexual
rights movement. 

1972 - Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for
$2,500,000. He became a player and coach of the Winnipeg
Jets of the World Hockey Association. 

1973 - Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 

1980 - U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving
draft registration. 

1984 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual
colleges could make their own TV package deals. 

1985 - Route 66 was officially removed from the United
States Highway System. 

1985 - The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the
use of combat troops in Nicaragua. 

1986 - The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken
international law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 

1995 - Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-
Thani ousted his father in a bloodless palace coup. 

1998 - An English woman was impregnated with her dead
husband's sperm after two-year legal battle over her right
to the sperm. 

2002 - In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission
required companies with annual sales of more than $1.2
billion to submit sworn statements backing up the accuracy
of their financial reports. 

2005 - In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-
million year old dinosaur track was discovered. The track
was form a three-toed Cretaceous period dinosaur.

2016  smiled.


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Is there an UV-protective glass? 





Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, June 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Lee Merrett jailed for punching partner and baby at Dymchurch caravan park Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 25, in 1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400 river miles. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "A German psychologist says that women talk more than men because they have a bigger vocabulary. But, it evens out because men only listen half the time." --- Jay Leno _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An eighty-five-year-old couple, married for almost sixty years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last ten years, in spite of of her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the Pearly Gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen and a master bath suite with a sauna and Jacuzzi. As they "oohed and aahed" the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course that the home backed up to. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to new one that represented one of the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the green fees?" Peter's reply: "This is heaven; you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is heaven; it is free!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part: You can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is heaven." With that, the old man threw down his hat, stomped on it, and shrieked wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here ten years ago!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent- over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!" ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for this picture from last night. 2 Queens Of The Night! They bloom just one night of the year. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lee Merrett jailed for punching partner and baby at Dymchurch caravan park Lee Merret 23 Dymchurch, England A mother clutched her bruised, nine-month-old child in her arms after fleeing her drunk partner on a Dymchurch caravan park. The terrified woman frantically ran to nearby homes at the New Beach Park to try to raise the alarm after bully Lee Merrett beat her and punched her baby in the face. The mum – who had been hit several times by bully Lee Merrett – banged on several doors before someone came to her aid. Now, 23-year-old Merrett has been jailed for 15 months for the assaults, which a judge described as "frankly unforgivable, disgraceful and cowardly". Prosecutor Scott Brady told Canterbury Crown Court that Merrett and the woman had come to the park for a week’s holiday last July. During the day, Merrett, 23, had downed most of a bottle of Jack Daniel’s whiskey before the two began arguing. Mr Brady said Merrett wanted to go and play in the amusement arcade but the woman asked him to stay with her and their child. He said: "She lay on the bed with the child in her arms when the argument began over his drinking. At this point he punched her in the face repeatedly, causing bruising and leaving her with marks near her left eye, and marks to her neck." During the argument, Merrett picked up an aerosol can and threw it at his partner, hitting her in the right arm, leaving a bruise. "Violence against a child of his age is frankly unforgivable" - Judge Simon James The prosecutor added that Merrett also punched the crying baby in the face, leaving him with a swollen black eye, before headbutting his lover in the back of the head. "It was at this point she managed to escape from the caravan and she went to a number of caravans, banging on the doors, until she found someone to let her and her child inside, and called the police," he said. Merrett, from Walsall in the West Midlands, who admitted two assaults, was found hiding under a caravan by officers. He later told police he had been drinking whiskey and lager since 7pm and had wanted to go to the arcades. The prosecutor added that she claimed she was struck 20 times during the argument and their three-year relationship was now at an end. Judge Simon James told him: "You punched your young child in the face, causing bruising. "Violence against a child of his age is frankly unforgivable. "It was a disgraceful and cowardly act. It was your job to protect your child, not subject him to violence." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Doris RE: Protect printed pictures Dear Webby, I read that printed pictures should be behind UV-protective glass if displayed on a an inside wall. Is that true and where would I get that kind of glass ? Doris Dear Doris UV does not go through glass. That is why you don't get a sun tan working inside a house. Inkjet pictures fade over time just from oxidation. Sprying them with a good varnish delays that. And naturally, a glass picture frame will protect them quite well. Laser printed pictures last much longer. They are protected by the wax, that carries the pigments. However, they too last longer if they are in a glass picture frame. Whenever somebody tries to con you into paying extra for UV-protective glass, then you know they are lying crooks. Any cheap glass will block UV. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Steve wasn't feeling well and so he went to the doctor to get himself checked. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, Steve, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up alcohol, and stop smoking." "To be honest with you, Doc," said Steve, "I don't deserve the best. What's the SECOND best?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting a Bird Bath By Elaine [7 Posts, 32 Comments] Good morning.. I suggest that you use "Patio Paints" made by DecoArt- they are strictly for indoor/outdoor projects and I do have a few instructions leaflets for birdbaths from Terra Cotta Pots and it suggests to use these type paints. Good luck..oh, you can find them at Michaels or Hobby Lobby. I have not seen them at any Walmart. Best is a Porch & Floor paint. For a bird bath use light colors. Battleship Grey or Light Grey seem to work best. Somehow birds feel more comfortable with those colors than with dark or bright colors. Have FUN! DearWerbby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the five little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'Heather, will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'Tonight I'll pay for supper'." ___________________________________________________
girl sees train for first time
____________________________________________________ The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural-history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with the answer: "They don't have OSHA." ____________________________________________________ At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender." ____________________________________________________
Some of these things invented in 2015 are really terrific!

Today on June 25
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across
Sava, Hungary. 

1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by
the Mongols. 

1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 

1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of
Fleurus. 

1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of
the Kansas River after completing a westward trek of nearly
400 river miles. 

1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 

1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City,
NJ, was opened to the public. 

1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike in
sympathy with Pullman workers. 

1900 The United States announced that it would send troops
to fight against the Boxer rebellion in China. 

1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the
fight against the deadly disease yellow fever. 

1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be
taken against revolutionaries. 

1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform
elements of Parliament in Persia. 

1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France
with the American Expeditionary Force. 

1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in
Hollywood. 

1926 A memorial to the first U.S. troops in France was
unveiled at St. Nazaire. 

1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops left
the Dominican Republic. 

1927 The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New
York. 

1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is the
first practical helicopter. 

1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the
first time. 

1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San
Francisco, CA. 

1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and
France started ferrying supplies to the isolated western
sector of Berlin. 

1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean
War. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen
Elizabeth II in ceremonies officially opening the St.
Lawrence Seaway. 

1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 

1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for
Daniel Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon
Papers. 

1974 In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first
bar code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product
with a bar code was scanned for the first time. The product
was Juicy Fruit gum. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state
of emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 

1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public.
The official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It
was the world's tallest free-standing stucture and the
world's tallest tower until 2010. 

1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was
retiring as world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1985 Wilbur Snapp was ejected after playing "Three Blind
Mice" during a baseball game. The incident followed a call
made by umpire Keith O'Connor. 

1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military
Institute to admit women or forgo state support. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications
Decency Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute
indecent material on the Internet. 

1997 J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's
Stone" was published in the U.K. The book was later
released in the U.S. under the name "Harry Potter and the
Sorcerer's Stone." This was the first book in the Harry
Potter series. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow
for a ban on doctor-assisted suicides. 

1998 The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to
patrol Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always
potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct
toward an employee. 

2000 The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp.
jointly announced that they had created a working draft of
the human genome. 

2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a
state of emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of
fighting between Christians and Muslims. 

2001 Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his
retirement just 17 days after winning his first Stanley
Cup. Bouque retired after 22 years and held the NHL record
for highest-scoring defenseman and playing in 19
consecutive All-Star games. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
protection. 
2016  smiled.


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What is CSS 




Good Morning, ,
Thank you Joe in Danville!!

Today is Saturday, June 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: San Diego high school cheerleader charged in fatal beating of homeless man Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 25, in 1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ It is by universal misunderstanding that all agree. For if, by ill luck, people understood each other, they would never agree. --- Charles Baudelaire (1821 - 1867) Life is a sexually transmitted disease. --- R. D. Laing "We are all inclined to judge ourselves by our ideals; others by their acts." --- Harold Nicholson (1820-1904 _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A crusty old colonel on his way to the Legion for his FNB (Friday Night Brew) got tangled in a small crowd on the sidewalk at some gala event downtown, hosted by a local liberal arts association, and was quickly hustled inside by some of the fanatically idealistic ladies involved in that event. He vaguely remembered similar events from his long gone by college days and he quickly spotted one of those serving trays with drinks on them, grabbed one and with an officious looking, fast stride skirted the crowd, trying not too hard at all at offering drinks to people. He had emptied almost every glass on the tray and was almost back to the counter where the full trays were in readiness for the hostesses to pick them up for serving. One of those approached the colonel for conversation. She said, "Excuse me, sir, but you seem to be a very serious man. Are you this way all the time, or is something bothering you?" "No," the colonel said, "just serious by nature." The young lady looked at his awards and decorations and said, "It looks like you have seen a lot of action." The colonel's short reply was, "Yes, you could say that." He didn't tell her that the ribbons and medals were for good attendance or completing first aid courses, and that "action" for a supply colonel in an Idaho training base was mostly in the back of the warehouse. The young lady, tiring of trying to start up a conversation, said, "You know, you should lighten up a little - relax and enjoy yourself." The colonel raised his eyes from his tray of drinks, which just happened to be in a straight line of sight with some attractive areas of her figure, and stared at her in his most serious manner. He had thought he was enjoying himself Finally the young lady said, "You know, I hope you don't take this the wrong way, but when is the last time you had sex?" The colonel looked at her and replied, "1955." She said, "Well there you go; you really need to chill out and quit taking everything so seriously - I mean, no sex since 1955, isn't that a little extreme?" The colonel, glancing at his watch, said in his matter-of-fact voice, "Oh, I don't know. It's only 2035 now! The evening is still young"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
I stepped into the restroom at the Motor Vehicle Registration office and found this neatly printed sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the Minister of Transportation." ______________________________________________________ In my day, we didn't have history class. It was all current events! When God said, "Let there be light," I had to go turn on the sun! ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by San Diego high school cheerleader charged in fatal beating of homeless man Hailey Suder, 18, Preston Mostrong, 19, Austin Mostrong, 20, San Diego, California A high school cheerleader has been charged in connection with the beating death of a homeless man in San Diego County, officials said. Hailey Suder, 18, pleaded not guilty Monday to two felony counts of being an accessory after the fact, according to Tanya Sierra, spokeswoman for the San Diego County district attorney’s office. Suder was dating one of two brothers charged with killing 50 year-old George Lowery, the San Diego Union-Tribune reported. Sheriff’s homicide investigators did not say what role she played in Lowery’s death, and which brother she was dating. Suder was a senior at Santana High School, but did not graduate with her class this month, said Catherine Martin, spokeswoman for the Grossmont Union High School District. She was a cheerleader, Martin said. Brothers Austin Mostrong, 20, and Preston Mostrong, 19, have admitted involvement in Lowery’s beating, according to Deputy Dist. Atty. George Modlin. Lowery’s wife found him unconscious April 24 near their camp in a river bottom at Chubb Lane and North Magnolia Avenue in Santee, according to the San Diego County Sheriff’s Department. Lowery suffered severe trauma after being kicked and punched in the head. He was taken to a hospital, where he died days later. Sheriff’s investigators alleged Lowery was tortured during the attack. The Mostrong brothers were on probation at the time of the murder, and their bail was set at $3 Million. Lowery’s daughter, Katey Torres, set up a GoFundMe account to raise funds for the family’s expenses. See the most-read stories in Local News this hour >> She said her mother and father had been married 25 years. “His whole life revolved around his wife, Penny,” Torres said. “Working and doing any handy work he could to provide for him and his wife and family. Her mother, she said, found her father “brutally beaten, bloody, tied up, face down and unconscious. Covered up to die.” Torres described her father as a generous man who suffered in his last days. He had a stroke and two brain hemorrhages as a result of the beating. “Although he did not have much he was always giving,” she said. “Anyone he came across loved his personality and he was always talking to people. Anyone he saw that needed help or just needed a smile he'd be there lifting your spirits. If someone was in need he would do what he could to help, no matter how hard the task. If he came across good fortune, he shared it.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Art RE: What is a CSS Dear Webby, I thought I knew my way around HTML and writing web pages. Like most people, I had learned by copying pages and modifying pages, but for some reason I never figured out what CSS is about. Now I got asked in an interview if I was familiar with CSS. Of course I said I was. You better teach me right quick! Art Dear Art CSS are just Cascading Style Sheets. First you define a basic corporate style of backgrounds, fonts, colors, etc. Then you refine that with exceptions. For example you could make the normal fonts Arial, size medium. But then you can define the fonts for inside table headers to be Verdana, large. And so on. All the styles can be defined in one style sheet that is then linked to in every page. You can additionally make style sheets that apply to only one page, but use the corporate stuff and only enhance it with exceptions for that page. Using CSS ensures a consistent corporate look. It also saves a lot of wear and tear on your typing finger because once all those styles are defined, they are automatic on every page that links to the style sheet. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery-store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son-in-law's arm and said: "No deposit, no return." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting a Bird Bath By Elaine [7 Posts, 32 Comments] Good morning.. I suggest that you use "Patio Paints" made by DecoArt- they are strictly for indoor/outdoor projects and I do have a few instructions leaflets for birdbaths from Terra Cotta Pots and it suggests to use these type paints. Good luck..oh, you can find them at Michaels or Hobby Lobby. I have not seen them at any Walmart. Best is a Porch & Floor paint. For a bird bath use light colors. Battleship Grey or Light Grey seem to work best. Somehow birds feel more comfortable with those colors than with dark or bright colors. Have FUN! DearWerbby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Recently a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the guests were many well-known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the pulpit and, gathering the entire crowd's attention, said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that wasn't my wife!" The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother!" The crowd burst into laughter and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later one of the ministers who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It seemed a bit foggy to him this morning. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman that was not my wife!" His congregation sat shocked. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!" ___________________________________________________
Bathroom prank
____________________________________________________ Each Friday night I drove my wife to the train station so she could go visit her sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train so that she could manage our house over the weekend while my wife was gone and I was out coaching. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you sure have some system going! But one of these days the 5:25 train is gonna be late and you're gonna get caught!" ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ruth for this one: A woman was helping her computer-illiterate husband set up his computer, and at the appropriate point in the process, told him that he would now need to choose and enter a 6 character or longer password... Something he will use to log on. The husband was in a rather amorous mood and figured he would try for the shock effect to bring this to his wife's attention. So, when the computer asked him to enter his password, he made it plainly obvious to his wife that he was keying in "p e n i s". His wife fell off her chair laughing when the computer replied PASSWORD REJECTED. NOT LONG ENOUGH ____________________________________________________
Vegetables go wild. We grew a potato one year that looked just like a duck.

Today on June 24
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated Lothar
at Fontenay. 

1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory
to be deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement
III. 

1580 The Book of Concord was first published. The book is a
collection of doctrinal standards of the Lutheran Church. 

1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls in
India. 

1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were ordered
home. 

1788 Virginia ratified the U.S. Constitution and became the
10th state of the United States. 

1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began
building a mine tunnel underneath the Confederate lines. 

1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 

1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an
eight-hour day to workers employed by the Federal
government. 

1868 Florida, Alabama, Louisiana, Georgia, North Carolina
and South Carolina were readmitted to the Union. 

1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso
XII. 

1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry
were killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big
Horn in Montana. The event is known as "Custer's Last
Stand." 

1877 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell
demonstrated the telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron
Kelvin) and Emperor Pedro II of Brazil at the Centennial
Exhibition. 

1906 Pittsburgh millionaire Harry Kendall Thaw, the son of
coal and railroad baron William Thaw, shot and killed
Stanford White. White, a prominent architect, had a tryst
with Florence Evelyn Nesbit before she married Thaw. The
shooting took place at the premeire of Mamzelle Champagne
in New York. 

1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings
stamps. 

1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France. 

1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna. 

1921 Samuel Gompers was elected head of the AFL for the
40th time. 

1938 Gaelic scholar Douglas Hyde was inaugurated as the
first president of the Irish Republic. 

1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union. 

1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese
independence. 

1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by
intercepting river barges heading for the city. 

1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean
War. 

1951 In New York, the first regular commercial color TV
transmissions were presented on CBS using the FCC-approved
CBS Color System. The public did not own color TV's at the
time. 

1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a
new agrarian reform law. 

1959 Eamon De Valera became president of Ireland at the age
of 76. 

1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of
unofficial non-denominational prayer in public schools was
unconstitutional. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval
personnel to Mississippi to assist in finding three missing
civil rights workers. 

1968 Bobby Bonds (San Francisco Giants) hit a grand-slam
home run in his first game with the Giants. He was the
first player to debut with a grand-slam. 

1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down
a ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations
to put telephone calls on the air without the permission of
the person being called. 

1973 Erskine Childers Jr. became president of Ireland after
the retirement of Eamon De Valera. 

1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S.
President Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up. 

1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn
in as president after 477 years of Portuguese rule. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft
registration was constitutional. 

1985 ABC's "Monday Night Football" began with a new line-
up. The trio was Frank Gifford, Joe Namath and O.J.
Simpson. 

1985 New York Yankees officials enacted the rule that
mandated that the team's bat boys were to wear protective
helmets during all games. 

1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the
Contras fighting in Nicaragua. 

1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John
Paul II at the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due
to allegations that Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an
individual, whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-
sustaining medical treatment. "The right to die" decision
was made in the Curzan vs. Missouri case. 

1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years
after the Warsaw Pact invasion. 

1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia
declared their independence from Yugoslavia. 

1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman prime
minister. She assumed power upon the resignation of Brian
Mulroney. 

1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned
cargo vessel. Much of the power supply was knocked out and
the station's Spektr module was severely damaged. 

1997 U.S. air pollution standards were significantly
tightened by U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto
thereby striking down presidential power to cancel specific
items in tax and spending legislation. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with
HIV are protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. 

1998 Microsoft's "Windows 98" was released to the public. 

1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust
memorial to be built in Berlin. 

2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had
completed a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup of
human beings. The project was 10 years old at the time of
the announcement. 

2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to be
filed against American Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly
subscribers who were forced to view "pop-up"
advertisements. 
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Back-Up Concept 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Florida National Cemetery worker stole from deceased WWII veteran Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 24, in 1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. One of Hagar the Horrible's ancestors had established a colony there around 1050, but they later were killed by the Indians or left. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other things. --- Robert Louis Stevenson _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Jones was reading a letter at breakfast. Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband. "Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from Mother saying she isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to want her. What does she mean by that? I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience. You did write, didn't you?" "Er, yes, I did," said the husband. "But I couldn't spell convenience, so I made it risk."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Just as she was celebrating her 80th birthday, our friend received a jury-duty notice. She called to remind the people at the clerk's office that she was exempt because of her age. "You need to come in and fill out the exemption forms," they said. "I've already done that," she replied. "I did it last year." "You have to do it every year," she was told. "Why?" came the response. "Do you think I'm going to get younger, or are YOU getting too old and forgetful?" ______________________________________________________ As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. "Look, honey," one man said to his wife. "Here comes your anesthesiologist." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Penny An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Florida National Cemetery worker stole from deceased WWII veteran Kevin A. Cullen, 33, Bushnell Florida A Florida National Cemetery worker stole a deceased veteran's wallet from an urn and bought pizza and video gaming cards with the vet's credit card, Sumter County deputies say. Kevin A. Cullen, 33, of Bushnell was arrested Monday on several charges, including fraudulent use of personal identification of a deceased person and credit card theft. Cullen was responsible for interring the ashes of a 93- year-old World War II Navy torpedoman who died in late November but whose ashes were not interred until April, Sumter County deputies said. Family members were resolving the veteran's financial affairs when they found suspicious credit card charges on his accounts that occurred on the same day the veteran was interred, deputies said. Sumter detectives and a special agent from the Department of Veterans Affairs Office of Inspector General met with Cullen before he reported for duty at the cemetery Monday morning. During an interview at the Sheriff's Office, deputies said he admitted to taking the deceased veteran's wallet from the urn and buying the pizza and gaming cards with the credit card. Cullen was booked in the Sumter Detention Center on $11,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Howard RE: Back-Up concept Dear Webby, I just got transferred to the Eastcoast and was trying to set up the same system of backing up every machine onto the next one, so that going around in a circle, everything was backed up, just like I had done in the Midwest. The girls in the offices didn't call me an idiot outright, but their eyebrows said it clear enough. For disciplinary reasons I did not want to ask them why they thought that was a stupid idea. Can you please enlighten me? Howard Dear Howard At the Eastcoast burglaries are a lot more common than in the Midwest, where you have proabbly led a very sheltered life. Where is your company's business if all the machines in that office are burglared or destroyed by fire ? The only method that is even sillier is to back up onto a second drive in the same machine. The ladies are probably used to either upload the day's new data onto the net, or onto little portable drives that they throw into their purses or pockets or vehicle or bank night deposit slot. Then if something happened to the office overnight, the insurance supplies new computers, you dump the off-site stored data into them, and by noon it's business as usual. Next time their eyebrows say "What a moron!", ask them how they are used to doing things. Willingness to learn actually earns you respect. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ That baseball bat joke reminds me of this one: A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How to Detect a Two Way Mirror When we visit toilets, bathrooms, hotel rooms, changing rooms etc, how many of you know for sure that the seemingly ordinary mirror hanging on the wall is a real mirror, or actually a two-way mirror? Just conduct this simple test: Place the tip of your fingernail against the reflective surface and if there is a GAP between your fingernail and the image of the nail, then it is a GENUINE mirror. However, if your fingernail directly touches the image of your nail, then BEWARE, for it is a two-way mirror! By Marti M. Editor's Note: Another way to detect whether a mirror is a two way mirror is to turn off the lights and put a flashlight up against the mirror. If there is a room behind the mirror, you will see it. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One night Buffy brought her boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance; fake leather jacket, cowboy boots, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Buffy," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the blonde daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?" ___________________________________________________
Rio Welcome Sign
____________________________________________________ Anna's third-grade class students were bombarding her with questions about her newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" Little Johnny tried answering that one: "Well, the way your ears stick out like an open barn door, I could do it from fifty feet with my '22." ____________________________________________________ Gladys was the preacher's wife and accompanied her husband each Sunday to Church. One particular Sunday when the sermon seemed to go on forever, many in the congregation fell asleep. After the service, to be sociable, she walked up to a very sleepy looking gentleman. In an attempt to revive him from his stupor, she extended her hand in greeting, and said, "Hello, I'm Gladys Dunn." To which the gentleman replied, "You're not the only one!" ____________________________________________________
Rooftop gardens. What a great idea!

Today on June 24
1314 - Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over
Edward II of England at the Battle of Bannockburn in
Scotland. 

1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys,
off the Flemish coast. 

1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of
England, landed in North America on what is now
Newfoundland. One of Hagar the Horrible's ancestors had
established a colony there around 1050, but they later were
killed by the Indians or left.

1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 

1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was
founded. 

1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacred
colonists at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

1717 The Freemasons were founded in London. 

1793 The first republican constitution in France was
adopted. 

1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for
vulcanized rubber (rubber + sulfur + soot). 

1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle
of the Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon
III defeated the Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in
northern Italy. 

1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at
Mathias Point, Virginia. 

1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the
Dagu forts in China. 

1869 Mary Ellen "Mammy" Pleasant officially became the
Vodoo Queen in San Francisco, CA. 

1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea. 

1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with
Bulgaria following border disputes over Macedonia and
Thrace. 

1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of
neutrality. 

1940 France signed an armistice with Italy. 

1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political
convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia,
PA.


1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible
support to the Soviet Union. 

1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 

1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the
Bering Strait. 

1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting
in 1965, cigarette manufactures would be required to
include warnings on their packaging about the harmful
effects of smoking. 

1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part
of the Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed
down by authorities. 

1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the
Gulf of Tonkin Resolution. 

1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president
could be sued for damages connected with actions taken
while serving as President of the United States. 

1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National
Historic Landmark. 

1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The
Roswell Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that
an alien spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947. 

1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges,
must make the decision to give a convicted killer the death
penalty. 

2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for
$20.2 million. 

2003 In Paris, France, manuscripts by novelist Georges
Simenon brought in $325,579. The original manuscript of "La
Mort de Belle" raised $81,705. 

2010 Apple released the iPhone 4. 

2016  smiled.


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USB cable to the top 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 23

Thanks Frank!!!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Floriduh bonehead breaks church windows because God allowed him to lose his phone. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 23, in 1868 - Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention that he called a "Type-Writer." More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) If it weren't for Philo T. Farnsworth, inventor of television, we'd still be eating frozen radio dinners. --- Johnny Carson (1925 - 2005) If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jews don't recognize Christ as their savior, Catholics don't recognize Jews, Baptists don't recognize one another in the liquor store or at hooters, and moonshiners don't buy corn in their own village.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Canada Day and Independence Day are coming up. If you have a remote controlled barbecue, turn off the gas to make sure you don't get any surprises if guests store their fireworks in there! Some barbecue lids are still in orbit from last year. ______________________________________________________ One rainy evening John and his wife emerged from a restaurant only to find that he had locked the keys in the car.He insisted he could open the door with a wire coat hanger, so they went back to the restaurant to get one. There were none to be found. John then ran to a department store a quarter-mile away and returned with a hanger. After a few attempts, he got the door open and they climbed in. As they sat there, soaked and cold, he stuck the hanger under his seat. With a smug grin, he said, "Now if this ever happens again, I'll have a coathanger ready!" ______________________________________________________ Nebraska storm ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Floriduh bonehead breaks church windows because God allowed him to lose his phone. Justin Meeks, 27, Pinellas, Floriduh A man who said he was angry with God was arrested after he broke a window at a church, Pinellas deputies said. It happened this week at the Church of God on 66th Street around 5 p.m. Pinellas deputies got several complaints about a man who was breaking windows at the church. When they responded to the address and started talking to the man, he told them he was angry with God. The man identified as Justin Meeks, 27, explained to them that he had lost his cellphone and that’s why he was angry. The damage to the church window is estimated at above $200. Meeks was taken to the Pinellas County jail on the charge of criminal mischief to a place of worship. His bond is set at $5,000. He’s had one previous arrest in the county in 2012. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bean RE: Instead of USB cable Dear Webby, If your new digital camera records pics onto a Compact Flash or SD card, it's a lot easier on your camera's batteries to just pop the card out, stick it in a reader and go from there. You're no longer locked into the usually clunky camera manufacturer's software, and you save lots of time moving things around. Bean Dear Bean I have recommended that countless times. The same thing still applies. Bring a USB cable up to the side of the monitor and power a USB hub with it. Then you can conveniently plug in a card reader, keyboard, mouse, and all kinds of gadgets into the USB hub, without having to crawl around under your desk. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner. He does not like being boiled or fried." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vinegar as a Fabric Softener By Cassie [20 Posts, 60 Comments] Making your own fabric softener is so simple, just take a one gallon jug of white vinegar and add your own preference of essential oils. I add 40 drops of the oils to the vinegar and shake back and forth to mix up. During the washer's rinse cycle, add 1/4 cup and it will leave your wash smelling so nice and fresh. It lasts longer than traditional fabric softeners. By cassie from Paragould, AR ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Some people are like Slinkies . . .. not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs. ___________________________________________________
a boy's imagination
____________________________________________________ A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counselling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts." "He communicates real well and I act like I'm listening." ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Jim for this one: I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was out of there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Just what I learned in college: Stealing cars, selling dope and running moonshine." They've never called back. ____________________________________________________
Timing is everything!

Today on June 23
1683 - William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni
Lenape Indians in Pennsylvania. 

1700 - Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a
truce with the Ottoman Empire. 

1758 - British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at
Krefeld in Germany. 

1760 - The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut,
Germany. 

1757 - Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won
control of Bengal. 

1836 - The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which
contained a provision for turning over surplus federal
revenue to the states. 

1848 - A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted. 

1865 - Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a
Cherokee chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate
army at Fort Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory. 

1868 - Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an
invention that he called a "Type-Writer." 

1884 - A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle,
Indochina. 

1902 - Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the
Triple Alliance for a 12 year duration. 

1904 - The first American motorboat race got underway on
the Hudson River in New York. 

1926 - The first lip reading tournament in America was held
in Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 - Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York
on the first round-the-world flight in a single-engine
plane. 

1934 - Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after
defeating the country. 

1938 - The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established. 

1938 - Marineland opened near St. Augustine, Florida. 

1947 - The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding
President Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 

1951 - Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire
discussions in the Korean War. 

1952 - The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu
River, Korea. 

1956 - Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt. 

1964 - Henry Cabot Lodge resigned as the U.S. envoy to
Vietnam and was succeeded by Maxwell Taylor. 

1966 - Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed
by tear gas. 

1972 - U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff
H.R. Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct
the FBI's Watergate investigation. 

2003 - Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac
desktop computer. 

2004 - The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series
of nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period
in exchange for economic benefits. 

2005 - Roger Ebert received a star on the Hollywood Walk of
Fame. 

2013 - In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a
quarter mile tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River
Gorge. 

2015 - NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit
around Mars. The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23,
2001. 

2015 - Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion
purchase of AOL, Inc. 
2016  smiled.


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USB cable for camera 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 22

Thanks Mildred!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Convicted sex offender asks mother of 14-year-old 'I want her, what do you want for her?' Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 22, in 1611 - English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. --- Woody Allen _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was left to fix lunch. When his mother returned with a friend, she noticed that Johnny had already strained the tea. The two women then sipped their tea happily while having lunch. "Was it hard finding the tea strainer in the kitchen?" Johnny's mother asked. "I couldn't find it Ma, so I used the fly swatter," he replied. His mother nearly fainted, so Johnny hastily added: "Don't get excited, Ma, I used the old one!" ---------------------- That should have cleaned up the old flyswatter quite nicely!
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Barbarella Two brawny men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. Shortly after they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them my fee: $45. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Penny for this one: WOMAN SUES HOSPITAL A recent article in the Kentucky Post reported that a woman, one Anne Maynard, has sued St. Luke's Hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he had lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied, "Mr. Maynard was actually admitted into Ophthalmology - all we did was correct his eyesight." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Convicted sex offender asks mother of 14-year-old 'I want her, what do you want for it?' Ricky James Overhulser, 53, Lubbock, Texas A Lubbock man has been arrested and charged with attempt to compel prostitution after he allegedly approached a 14- year-old girl at a 7-11 gas station on Parkway Drive on Tuesday. The man has also been identified as a registered sex offender. According to Lubbock police documents, just after 1:30 p.m., officers responded to the gas station after reports of an attempted kidnapping. The victim, a 14-year-old girl, was fueling up her mother's car while her mother paid inside. Reports say 53-year-old Ricky James Overhulser pulled up next to the girl and told her to get into his car. The girl refused and Overhulser told her again to get in his car and she refused a second time. He then asked her if she "dated." She told him "no" and went into the store to get her mother. "She got pretty startled, as a 14-year-old would," said Lt. Ray Mendoza with the Lubbock Police Department. Police say when the mother came outside, Overhulser had driven away. She was finishing fueling up her car when he returned, pulled up close to her car and fanned cash while he asked, "how much for your daughter." The girl's mother called him a "dirty old man" and let him know she was calling police. Overhulser drove away in a white Pontiac passenger car. Mendoza says the mother and daughter were able to get a license plate number. "The detectives get called to the scene, they immediately go looking for him, try to hunt him down," he says. "We put out a broadcast to all our local officers. We reached out to DPS and the Sheriff's Department to be on the lookout." Enough information was gathered to obtain an arrest warrant late Wednesday night. "He had a couple of municipal court warrants, so they were at least, trying to arrest him while the investigators continued to work the case," Mendoza explains. Overhulser was already in the Lubbock County Jail on unrelated charges and was re-arrested on the new charges. Overhulser has been a registered sex offender since 2000, where his victim was a 16-year-old female, according to the Texas Department of Public Safety sex offender registry. He spent 10 years in jail, from 2000 until 2010. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon RE: USB cable connected Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun letter today. I finally did invest in a digital camera. Have just begun to read the book. I have 2 questions. 1) Would it be ok to connect the usb cable to the pc & leave it plugged in even when not connected to the camera? My connection is at the base of the pc which is on the floor & it is sometimes difficult to get down to connect it. 2) I haven't tried sending the pic to the pc yet so I can email them to family & friends but am curious as to what size would good to send. Some pics I have received have are so big they seem to take so long to download. Any size suggestions? Thanks so much for your help. This will be a new experience for me. Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure you can leave the cable plugged into the PC. Just put the open end into a cup, in case any chips drip out. Just kidding about anything dripping out. It is just an extension cord. Go to the Dollar Store and buy a 4 or 7 outlet USB hub, and a USB extesion cord. The camera cable usually has male ends on both sides. What you need is a proper extension cord with a female end on one side for the USB hub to plug into. Then glue the USB hub to the side of the monitor with a strip of double sided tape or crazy glue, and snug up the extension cord with a pretty ribbon or twist tie to make sure you don't roll over it with your chair or trip over it. Now you can plug the camera cable and anything else into the USB hub without crawling around under your desk and bashing your head when you stand up. For picture size, save the original indo a folder named Originals, and save resized versions with a slightly different name. Rename the Original from it's silly number to for example SunsetJune2016-L.jpg The -L is for Large. Name the resized version SunsetJune2016-.jpg, and if you make a small thumbnail, name that one SunsetJune2016.jpg. For mailing picture a width of 600 is ideal. If you have a web site, you can put monitor size pictures up there at 1024x768 or similar, and have a small picture in the mail linking to it, like I do with the Humor letter. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Faye for this one: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly vistors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Permanent Marker from a Car If you want it to be EASY, grab a sponge and pour some NAIL POLISH REMOVER on the sponge, and wipe it gently or angrily, depending on how you feel, it will be like erasing writing on the white board. SO EASY! Nail Polish Remover is the master of all. (12/08/2007) By Sexy Saechao ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Sir," said the timid employee to his boss, "my wife says I'm to ask you for a raise." "Fine," the boss replied. "I'll ask my wife if I can give you one." ___________________________________________________
Robin Williams Flag Tribute
____________________________________________________ When my neighbor's son Billie came home from college for the summer, it only took him 2 seconds to recreate the "look and feel" of his dorm room. He opend his suitcase and his backpack, and rotated rapidly about three times. He used to be quite a snappy dresser in highschool, and his parents were quite disenchanted when they noticed that his dressing style had dropped to about the same level as the organization in his room. Over dinner, they tried to touch on the informal versus formal dress codes that life outside of college might require. Billie, however, shared his own firmly held dress code guidelines: 1. informal: sock (s) not required 2. semiformal: two socks required 3. formal: both socks must match ____________________________________________________ Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying." ____________________________________________________
These Dads are so cool!

Today on June 22
1558 - The French took the French town of Thioville from
the English. 

1611 - English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several
other people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by
mutineers. 

1772 - Slavery was outlawed in England. 

1807 - British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a
provocation leading to the War of 1812. 

1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 

1832 - J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 

1870 - The U.S. Congress created the Department of Justice.


1874 - Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known
practice of osteopathy. 

1909 - The first transcontinental auto race ended in
Seattle, WA. 

1911 - King George V of England was crowned. 

1915 - Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern
Front as the Russians retreat. 

1925 - France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd
el Krim in Morocco. 

1933 - Germany became a one political party country when
Hitler banned parties other than the Nazis. 

1939 - The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at
Jones Beach, on Long Island, New York. 

1940 - France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne,
on terms dictated by the Nazis. 

1941 - Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the
Soviet Union. 

1942 - A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the
mouth of the Columbia River. 

1942 - In France, Pierre Laval declared "I wish for a
German victory". 

1942 - V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first
time. 

1944 - U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI
Bill of Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of
the war. 

1945 - During World War II, the battle for Okinawa
officially ended after 81 days. 

1946 - Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the
first time. 

1956 - The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in
Casbah were blown up. 

1959 - Eddie Lubanski rolled 24 consecutive strikes in a
bowling tournament in Miami, FL. 

1964 - The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's
book, "Tropic of Cancer", could not be banned. 

1970 - U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of
the Voting Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting
age in the United States to be 18. 

1973 - Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the
Pacific after a record 28 days in space. 

1974 - In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (Willis
Tower) 

1978 - James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered
the only known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 

1980 - The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of
its forces from Afghanistan. 

1989 - The government of Angola and the anti-Communist
rebels of the UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in
their 14-year-old civil war. 

1990 - Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 

1992 - The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-
crime laws that ban cross-burning and similar expressions
of racial bias violated free-speech rights. 

1998 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally
obtained by authorities could be used at revocation
hearings for a convicted criminal's parole. 

1998 - The 75th National Marbles Tournament began in
Wildwood, NJ. 

1999 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with
remediable handicaps cannot claim discrimination in
employment under the Americans with Disability Act. 

2009 - Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would
discontinue sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.

2016  smiled.


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Searchable Log 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Pennsylvania parents give away 14 year old daughter in exchange for financial help. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 21, in 1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Man is the Only Animal that Blushes. Or needs to. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) We must always change, renew, rejuvenate ourselves; otherwise we harden. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) Where all think alike, no one thinks very much. --- Walter Lippmann A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janet for this one: Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Ma'am, he's not THAT sick!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Last night a lady on the table next to mine in the restaurant asked the waiter if they had frozen yoghurt for desert. He replied: "We sure do, in all the popular flavors." Then she asked: "Is it low fat yoghurt?" The waiter answered: "It sure is! We serve only zero fat, low calory, diet yoghurt with fresh frozen fruit mixed in." She said: "Hmmm, that sounds delicious!" The waiter then asked her: "Would you like whipped cream on top of that?" Her reply was: "That sounds even better! Yes, please! Lots of it!" ______________________________________________________ While attending a marriage seminar on communication, David and his wife listened to the instructor declare: "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other. He addressed the man, "Can you name your wife's favourite flower?" David leaned over, touched his wife's arm and whispered, "Pillsbury All-Purpose flour, isn't it?" ______________________________________________________ A good wife creates a balance. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pennsylvania parents give away 14 year old daughter in exchange for financial help. Daniel Stoltzfus, Savilla Stoltzfus, Lee Kaplan A Pennsylvania couple is accused of child endangerment after police said they gave away their 14-year-old daughter to a man who helped them financially. The friend has been charged with sexually assaulting the teen, who had two children with him. Officials acting on a tip Thursday found 51-year-old Lee Kaplan at his Feasterville home, along with 12 girls ranging in age from six months to 18 years. According to an affidavit, the girl's father, Daniel Stoltzfus, told an officer he gave his daughter to Kaplan after he helped the family out of financial ruin. He told police he thought it was legal after he did some research online. Kaplan faces a number of charges including statutory sexual assault and aggravated indecent assault. Daniel Stoltzfus is charged with conspiracy of statutory sexual assault and children endangerment. His wife, Savilla Stoltzfus, is charged with endangering the welfare of a child. All three are being held on $1 million bail. No lawyer information was listed in court documents. The girl, now 18, told police she and Kaplan have a 3-year- old and a six-month-old. "This child gave birth to two other children through an inappropriate relationship," Lower Southampton Police Lt. John Krimmel said. Krimmel said the Stoltzfuses told police they were Amish, and a criminal complaint shows their address as Quarryville, in Lancaster County. However, Krimmel said it appeared the couple had been living with Kaplan, although it was unclear for how long. The Stoltzfuses told police they were going to lose their farm until Kaplan "came out of the blue and saved them from financial ruin," said Bucks County District Attorney David Heckler. The couple told police the other nine girls in the house were their children, Krimmel said. No birth certificates or Social Security cards could be located to confirm they were the parents, he said. The children have been placed in child protective custody, Krimmel said. Investigators are still piecing together what exactly happened, Heckler said, including how Kaplan and the couple met each other. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wilson RE: Searchable Log Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I need a searchable log that does not cost an arm and a leg. It's just for typing in names and phone numbers and summaries of incoming phone calls. What would you recommend? W.Wilson Dear Wilson I use NoteTab from http://notetab.com It produces clean text, that you can import or paste into anythiung. It has lightning fast search, and you can even open multiple sub-windows side by side in the same window, not just multiple tabs. Copy-paste to and from spreadsheets and word processors works flawlessly. NoteTab does accurate sorting instantly, lets you toggle WordWrap on and off, and has enough features to write a book.I use probably 2% of all the features in it, but I know what to click on for the rest. Bulleted List? Justifying text, HTML, convert HTML to text, whatever. It is all there. They have a free and a very low cost version. I have used it for about 15 years and am quite happy with it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The McGillicuddy's next door are inseparable. In fact, last night it took four state troopers and a dog to stop the fight. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Birds Out of the Garden By amy [5 Posts, 2 Comments] I love growing my summer garden in large containers. It's much easier to control the soil quality, fertilizer, and water. I keep them near my back door for easy reach from the kitchen. My only problem is that birds will not leave them alone. One perfect beautiful tomato after another pecked to pieces. My solution? I cut strips of low cost (I bought at my local Dollar Tree) silver metallic gift wrap and tied them to to the wooden tee pees that support the tomatoes. The birds seem frightened by them waving brightly in the sun. They have left the whole garden alone ever since. By Amy from MS Delta ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Mrs. Morris Siegel beckoned to a salesman in Bergdorf Goodman's, pointed to white wool designer dress on a mannikin, and said, "Hey Sonny boy , so how much is the dress on that store dummy over there?" "That dress is $899.95, Madam," sneered the rather snotty salesman. "Oy! For $99.95 I could get the same dress at Klein's downtown!" "But Madam," said the salesman, "You'll find that the dress at Klein's is recycled wool. This original is 100% pure virgin wool." "Nu! So for $800 I should be caring what the sheep at night do?" ___________________________________________________
Robin Williams Flag Tribute
____________________________________________________ Isaac was in his usual place in the morning sitting at the table, reading the paper after breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress that was about to marry a football player who was known primarily for his lack of smarts and common knowledge. He turned to his wife Sherry, with a look of question on his face. "I'll never understand why the biggest schmucks get the most attractive wives." Sherry replied, "Why thank you, dear!" ____________________________________________________ "Hey you! Pull over!" shouted the traffic cop. The lady complied, and the judge next day fined her twenty-five dollars. She went home in great anxiety lest her husband, who always examined her checkbook, should learn of the incident. Then inspiration struck and she marked the check stub, "One pullover, $25." ____________________________________________________
25 Awesome photos

Today on June 21
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at 
Machynlleth and was crowned Prince of Wales.
1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when 
 New Hampshire became the ninth state to ratify it.
1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical 
 mechanical reaper for farming. His invention allowed 
 farmers to more than double their crop size.
1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent.
1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump 
 from an airplane.
1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the 
 Arctic to Black Sea.
1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from 
 the North Atlantic NATO fleet.
1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American 
 flag as a form of political protest was protected by the 
 First Amendment.
2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by 
 Mike Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 
 minute flight. The height is about 400 feet above the 
 distance scientists consider to be the boundary of space.
2016  smiled.


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Searchable Log 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 20

Sorry about the problem with the newsletter.
I hope it is all fixed now and will work properly
like it did the last 22 years till Saurday night.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Cincinnati, Ohio mother lets her drug dealer have sex with her 11 year old daughter as payment for heroin. April Corcoran, even let Shandell Willingham videotape it a few times. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 20, in More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Anni showed up at the photo shop with an old picture of a former beau wearing a hat, She wanted to know if the photographer could retouch the photo and remove the hat from the picture. He convinced Anni, that it could easily be accomplished, he would just take a picture of it, and work on it with PaintShop Pro or Photoshop. Then he asked her what side of his head did the man in the picture part his hair on. - Thinking hard for a moment, Anni said, "I forget, but you can see that for yourself when you take off his hat."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Thanks to Martin for this story: A group of Americans was traveling by tour bus through Holland. As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through a process of cheese-making, explaining that goats' milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. These, she explained, were the older goats who had been put out to pasture when they no longer produced. She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janice for this one: Reality at its best This morning I was sitting on a bench next to a homeless man and I asked him how he ended up this way. He said: "Up until last week, I still had it all!!! A cook, my clothes were washed & pressed. I had a roof over my head, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool, the library, I could still go to school. I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce???” "Oh no, nothing like that" he said. "No, no ... I got out of prison." ______________________________________________________ From dad Mt Etna, Italy ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cincinnati, Ohio mother lets her drug dealer have sex with her 11 year old daughter as payment for heroin. April Corcoran, even let Shandell Willingham videotape it a few times. CINCINNATI (WKRC) - A Warren County woman has admitted to trading out sex with her 11-year-old daughter for heroin. April Corcoran pleaded guilty in a Hamilton County courtroom to ten charges of trafficking in persons, complicity to rape, corrupting another with drugs and child endangering. Corcoran would drop her daughter off at Shandell Willingham's Colerain Avenue apartment so he could have sex with her, say prosecutors. Sometimes, Prosecutor Joe Deters said he would videotape the encounter. Deters said Corcoran would then come back and get heroin and her daughter. Corcoran also admitted to giving her daughter heroin. Shandell is in jail in Indiana on drug and child porn charges. He still faces charges of rape, gross sexual imposition, trafficking in persons and endangering children related to this case in Hamilton County. He's expected back in Hamilton County sometime next week. Prosecutors say they accepted the plea deal to protect the victim. As a result of the plea deal, seventeen other counts were dropped. Corcoran will have to register as a sex offender when she gets out in 50 or so years. She will be sentenced July 19. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wilson RE: Searchable Log Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I need a searchable log that does not cost an arm and a leg. It's just for typing in names and phone numbers and summaries of incoming phone calls. What would you recommend? W.Wilson Dear Wilson I use NoteTab from http://notetab.com It produces clean text, that you can import or paste into anythiung. It has lightning fast search, and you can even open multiple sub-windows side by side in the same window, not just multiple tabs. Copy-paste to and from spreadsheets and word processors works flawlessly. NoteTab does accurate sorting instantly, lets you toggle WordWrap on and off, and has enough features to write a book.I use probably 2% of all the features in it, but I know what to click on for the rest. Bulleted List? Justifying text, HTML, convert HTML to text, whatever. It is all there. They have a free and a very low cost version. I have used it for about 15 years and am quite happy with it. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ "I hope you didn't take it personally, Pastor," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Birds Out of the Garden By amy [5 Posts, 2 Comments] I love growing my summer garden in large containers. It's much easier to control the soil quality, fertilizer, and water. I keep them near my back door for easy reach from the kitchen. My only problem is that birds will not leave them alone. One perfect beautiful tomato after another pecked to pieces. My solution? I cut strips of low cost (I bought at my local Dollar Tree) silver metallic gift wrap and tied them to to the wooden tee pees that support the tomatoes. The birds seem frightened by them waving brightly in the sun. They have left the whole garden alone ever since. By Amy from MS Delta ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only two blocks from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know." ___________________________________________________
Whack a Kitty :D Don't blast me! I love kitties - no kitten was hurt!
____________________________________________________ >From Dr Bill re bagpipes: I found over the years quite to my surprise that bagpipes stir a martial spirit within me - combination no doubt of Scottish and Irish ancestry, and if the neural memory theory is correct it could account for my sudden desire at the sound of the pipes to kill an Englishman Bill ____________________________________________________ Q: I show you exhibit 3 and ask you if you recognize that picture? A: That's me. Q: Were you present when that picture was taken? A: No, I was at home reading lawyer jokes. ____________________________________________________
Beautiful Mother Nature, with a little help from man and woman.

Today on June 20
0451 - Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army
to a halt at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 

1397 - The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and
Norway under one monarch. 

1756 - In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a
cell that became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 

1782 - The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the
United States. 

1791 - King Louis XVI of France was captured while
attempting to flee the country in the so-called Flight to
Varennes. 

1793 - Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He
received the patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated
the American mass-production concept. 

1837 - Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following
the death of her uncle, King William IV. 

1898 - The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to
the Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 

1910 - Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial
law and arrested hundreds. 

1910 - Fanny Brice debuted in the New York production of
the "Ziegfeld Follies". 

1923 - France announced it would seize the Rhineland to
assist Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go
over well and was one of the causes of WWII.

1941 - The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing
the Army Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with
the creation of the United States Air Force in 1947. 

1943 - Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal
troops were sent in two days later to end the violence that
left more than 30 dead. 

1947 - Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly
Hills, CA, at the order of mob associates angered over the
soaring costs of his project, the Flamingo resort in Las
Vegas, NV. 

1963 - The United States and Soviet Union signed an
agreement to set up a hot line communication link between
the two countries to prevent the Cold War from turning into
a real war. 

1967 - Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating
Selective Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S.
Supreme Court later overturned the conviction. 

1977 - The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 

1983 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers must
treat male and female workers equally in providing health
benefits for their spouses. 

1997 - The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement
in exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and
legal bills. 

2002 - The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of
mentally retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel.
The vote was 6 in favor and 3 against. 
2016  smiled.


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Mac pictures on a PC 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, June 18

Nice full moon out. 
Took my hat out for a romantic walk. My hat does
not expect to be wined and dined, just vacuumed off 
after mowing the lawn.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Utah parents charged in connection with 1-year-old daughter's heroin overdose death Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 18, in 1429 French forces defeated the English at battle of Patay. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) "Life is 10% what happens to us and 90% how we react to it." --- Dennis P. Kimbro There is no difference between a wise man and a fool when they fall in love. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When a coworker received a phone call from her daughter, we heard her exclaim joyfully, "Seven and a half pounds! I'm so proud of you!" After she had hung up, I asked, "Boy or girl?" "Neither," my colleague replied... "Diet."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of John, one of the older workmen. After several minutes, John had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "It's a bet! Let's see what you got." John reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right. Get in." ______________________________________________________ Betty-Sue walked into the Emergency Room of a hospital in a small town. She walked up to a nurse and said, "Ah wants to see a Uptern." The nurse looked at her kinda funny and said, "Don't y'all mean Intern?" The girl replied, "Okay, if'n y'all say so, but ah wants a contamination." The nurse is a little confused and says, "Don't y'all mean examination?" The girl replied, "Uptern, intern, contamination, examination, ah don caire, ah ain't demonstrated for 6 months and an ah thinks ah'm stagnant. ______________________________________________________ From dad ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Utah parents charged in connection with 1-year-old daughter's heroin overdose death Cassandra Leydsman, Casey Cormani, Provo, Utah A Utah couple has been arrested months after their 1-year- old girl, Penny, died of a heroin overdose inside their friend's home in Provo, Utah. Casey Cormani, 31, and Cassandra Leydsman, 32, were cuffed and charged Tuesday with child endangerment that led to the drug-related death of their daughter in December, 2015. The pair was also charged with possession of drug paraphernalia, a local Fox affiliate reported. The Provo police department “conducted interviews of witnesses, interrogations of suspects, and gathered physical evidence, and toxicology reports sufficient to establish probable cause that the parents were responsible for the death of the child,” according to a release on their Facebook page. Cormani and Leydsman found Penny unresponsive and with blue lips in her crib on Dec. 2, 2015 after she was fed and put down for a nap, according to police. Leydsman attempted CPR and called paramedics, but they could not save the little girl. An autopsy later found a lethal amount of heroin and codeine in Penny’s body. The couple had been staying at the home of their friends, David and Sina Belgard, in Provo, Utah, who consented to a search of their house after Penny died. When cops searched the home, they found burnt foil, straws with burnt ends and residue both “inside of the room that Cassandra and Casey stayed in both on the ground and among Cassandra’s personal belongings,” according to a warrant. David Belgard later told cops that he had seen Leydsman and Cormani using the straws to inhale the opiates, Fox 4 reported. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richard RE: Mac pictures on PC Dear Webby, I have a technical problem. I use an iMac and occasionally send single jpeg files as attachments (see attached). There are some people with PC's who try to open the attachment, but must save it to disc, open the proper application, and then open the file from within that application. Is this a problem with their browser? Richard Brooklyn, NY Dear Richard Your attached picture opened just fine and looks great. Those people do not have a problem with their browser. I would consider it a user malfunction or somebody pretending to be dumber than they are. JPG, GIF, PNG, TIF have always been compatible between all systems. There is a very slight color shift between the Mac and PC systems, about as much as between Kodak and Fuji films on old fashioned film type cameras. However, unless you have both systems side by side on the same desk, I doubt that you would notice the difference. It is possible that those people are just teasing you because your machine costs way more than theirs and so they think you might be more gullible. Just tell them that you built in an IQ filter, and if they can't see the picture, that would indicate that they would have to increase the brightness on the mouse operator. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: Four retired guys are walking down a street in Milwaukee. Then they turn a corner and see a sign that says "Old Timer's Bar " "ALL DRINKS 10 CENTS !". They look at each other, then go in. The old bartender says in a voice that carries across the room, "Come on in and let me pour one for you, what'll it be, Gentlemen?" There seems to be a fully stocked bar, so the men all ask for a martini. In short order, the bartender serves up 4 iced martinis -- and says, "That'll be 10 cents each, please." They can't believe their good luck. They pay the 40 cents, finish their martinis, and order another round. Again, four excellent martinis are produced with the bartender again saying, "That's 40 more cents, please." They pay the 40 cents, but their curiosity is more than they can stand. They've each had two martinis and so far they've spent less than a dollar. Finally one of the men couldn't stand it any longer and asks the bartender "How can you afford to serve martinis as good as these for a dime apiece?" "Here's my story. I'm a retired tailor from Brooklyn, and I always wanted to own a bar. Last year I hit the lottery for $25 million and decided to open this place. Every drink costs a dime, wine, liquor, beer, all the same." "Wow. That's quite a story" says one of the men. The four of them sipped at their martinis and couldn't help but notice three other guys at the end of the bar who didn't have a drink in front of them, and hadn't ordered anything the whole time they were there. One man gestures at the three at the end of the bar without drinks and asks the bartender, "What's with them?" The bartender says, "They're from Florida, they're waiting for happy hour." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Shirt Don't throw men's shirts into the rag bin when they become a little stained or frayed. Use it as a "paint shirt" when cooking. The sleeves protect your clothing better than aprons and kids love to wear them while helping out in the kitchen. I have short sleeve for summer cooking and long sleeved that I roll to my elbows for winter days in the kitchen. By Lisa ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asks, "Johnnie! What is your problem?!" Johnnie says, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister's in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade!" The teacher had had enough. As a result, she took Johnnie to the principal's office and explained Johnnie's request. While Johnnie waited in the outer office, the teacher explained the situation to the principal. The principal told Johnnie's teacher that he would give the boy a test and if Johnnie failed to answer any of the special questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Johnnie was brought into the room. The principal told Johnnie his terms and Johnnie agreed. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Johnnie: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Johnnie: "36" Principal: "What is 9 x 9?" Johnnie: "81" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. Johnnie appeared to have a strong case. The principal looked at the teacher and told her, "I think Johnnie can go on to the third grade." The teacher, knowing Little Johnnie's tendency toward sexually orineted wisecracks, said to the principal, "Let *me* ask him some questions before we make that decision?" The principal and Johnnie both agreed, Johnnie with a sly look on his face. The teacher began by asking, "What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2 of?" Johnnie: "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have in mine?" The principal's eyes open wide! Before he could stop Johnnie 's expected answer, Johnnie said, "Pockets." The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "I think we should put Johnnie in the fifth grade. I missed the last two questions myself!!!" ___________________________________________________
close your eyes and imagine the rain
____________________________________________________ A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "No. It's the mother in law. As you know, she lives with us. We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man said, "The month is up today!" ____________________________________________________ "I've never understood why women love cats. Cats are independent, they don't listen, they don't come in when you call, they like to stay out all night, come home and expect to be fed and stroked, then want to be left alone and sleep. In other words, every quality that women hate in a man, they love in a cat." ____________________________________________________
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME!

Today on June 18
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome.
1429 French forces defeated the English at battle of Patay.
1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London.
1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. 
 Revolutionary War.
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against
 Great Britain. The conflict began over trade
restrictions.
1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
 international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon 
 abdicated on June 22.
1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from 
 Newfoundland to Wales.
1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign 
 against the French in Indochina.
1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General 
 Neguib as its first president.
1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS
radio.
1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web 
 search engine company Infoseek Corp.
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS 
 probes to the Moon. It was the first American lunar
mission since Lunar Prospector in 1998.
2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, 
 judicial affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom 
 of Denmark. Greenlandic became the official language. 
2016  smiled.


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Where do you report scams? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: 3 Ohio women arrested after assaulting mcDonalds worker Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 17, in 0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from teaching in Syria. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I once wanted to become an atheist, but I gave up - they have no holidays. --- Henny Youngman (1906 - 1998) Men who never get carried away should be. --- Malcolm Forbes The world is full of willing people, some willing to work, the rest willing to let them. --- Robert Frost Humor is an affirmation of dignity, a declaration of man's superiority to all that befalls him. --- Romain Gary (1914-1980) French Writer _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Jessica for this one: A teacher asked a student. “Do you really think people can predict the future with cards?” He quickly replied, “My mother can. She takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home.”
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!" ______________________________________________________ Doris was trying to figure out the best way to break up with her boyfriend. She seemed awfully concerned that he not be angry. "Are you afraid he'll spread lies about you?" I asked. "I don't mind lies, but if he ever tells the truth, I'll break his neck," she answered. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by 3 Ohio women arrested after assaulting mcDonalds worker Ashley England, Mary Jordan, Sammie Whaley, Sandusky, Ohio. Three women are under arrest after they assaulted a McDonald's employee because she was working too slowly in serving them. In their booking photos, two of the women appear to be smiling after their arrests. The assault happened on June 8 at the McDonald's in Bellevue, Ohio. According to police, the female employee was assaulted in the restaurant parking lot after the women, who are from Sandusky, thought she wasn't serving them - and their children - quickly enough. The women are identified by police as Ashley England, Mary Jordan and Sammie Whaley. They were arrested the next day after security video was used to identify them. England was charged with assault, theft and child endangerment. Jordan was charged with assault and child endangerment. The child endangerment charges are due to the fact England and Jordan had their children present with them and the children also participated in the incident. Whaley was also charged with assault. Playing dopey during their arrest will not reduce their jail time. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Christine RE: Where to report scams Dear Webby, I always enjoy your site. Just one question. I have received in my e-mail a letter from some foreigner wanting me to deposit some money or some such in my bank. Ta-da. I'm wondering where I can report this person and his spam? Thanks, Christine Dear Christine Just dump that mail in the garbage. It's only a Nigerian Scam letter. You can't report it to anybody. Imagine yourself walking into the police station and announcing: "I was trying to do some illegal money laundering, nothing big, just a few Million bucks, but then these Nigerian guys cleaned out my bank account and changed the password on me. My paycheck goes in there automatically, but now I can't even pay my phone bill !" The cops would first laugh themselves a hernia, and then charge YOU with attempted money laundering. Not a good idea. The Nigerian scams have been around for a long time and have grown to be the third largest line item in the Nigerian Gross National Product. Just dump it and beware that over the years you will probably get more similar scam letters. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Leroy said to his buddy, "You'll never believe what happened last night." His buddy answered, "Well then, tell me what happened." Leroy relpied: "Last night the doorbell rang, and when I opened the door, there was my ex-mother-in-law on the front porch." She said, "Can I stay here for a few days?" So I said, "Of course, you can stay out there," and shut the door." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Finding Leaks in an Air Mattress By Deanj [914 Comments] In the old days when tires had tubes and one had to find a small pin whole in the tube the mechanic would wet the tube with a mixture of soap and water. The soap made the pin hole easier to see as the soap would bubble up where the hole was. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man dies and goes to Heaven. He was surprised to see God Himself at the Pearly Gates, but God explained that this was St. Peter's day off, and that He, God would check him in and show him around. Well, Heaven turned out to be everything the man had always been told: angles flying around, playing harps, reading, and just enjoying the things they had on earth. There were also pets there, and they were right by their earthly masters. Presently, God and the man arrive at a long section of cubicles, and in each of these cubicles, there was just one person. "What's this section Lord?" the man asks. "Oh this is the section for those people who think they're the only ones up here!" the Lord answers. ___________________________________________________
Robin Hood and Little John Runnin' Thru the Forest
____________________________________________________ An couple is sitting on a park bench, when a pigeon flies by and deposits a little present on the woman's head. "Yech!" yells the woman. "Get me some toilet paper!" "What for? She must be half-a-mile away by now." ____________________________________________________ The 3 fastest means of communication: Tell-a-Belle Tellaphone Tellavision ____________________________________________________
Leng Jun's paintings are so realistic!

Today on June 17
0362 Emperor Julian issued an edict banning Christians from
 teaching in Syria.
1579 Sir Francis Drake claimed San Francisco Bay for
England.
1775 The British took Bunker Hill outside of Boston.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte incorporated Italy into his empire.
1837 Charles Goodyear received his first patent. The
patent  was for a process that made rubber easier to work
with.
1854 The Red Turban revolt broke out in Guangdong, China.
1876 General George Crook’s command was attacked and
defeated on the Rosebud River by 1,500 Sioux and Cheyenne
under the leadership of Crazy Horse.
1885 The Statue of Liberty arrived in New York City aboard 
 the French ship Isere.
1912 The German Zeppelin SZ 111 burned in its hanger in 
 Friedrichshafen.
1913 U.S. Marines set sail from San Diego to protect
American  interests in Mexico.
1917 The Russian Duma met in a secret session in Petrograd 
 and voted for an immediate Russian offensive against the 
 German Army. (World War I)
1924 The Fascist militia marched into Rome.
1926 Spain threatened to quit the League of Nations if 
 Germany was allowed to join.
1928 Amelia Earhart began the flight that made her the
first woman to successfully fly across the Atlantic Ocean.
1930 The Smoot-Hawley Tariff Bill became law. It placed a 
 prohibitive tariff on imports to the U.S.
1931 British authorities in China arrested Indochinese 
 Communist leader Ho Chi Minh.
1932 The U.S. Senate defeated the bonus bill as 10,000 
 veterans massed around the Capitol.
1940 The Soviet Union occupied Lithuania, Latvia, and
Estonia.
1940 France asked Germany for terms of surrender in World
War II.
1944 The republic of Iceland was established.
1950 Dr. Richard H. Lawler performed the first kidney 
 transplant in a 45-minute operation in Chicago, IL.
1953 Soviet tanks fought thousands of Berlin workers that 
 were rioting against the East German government.
1963 The U.S. Supreme Court banned the required reading of 
 the Lord's prayer and Bible in public schools.
1965 Twenty-seven B-52’s hit Viet Cong outposts but lost 
two planes in South Vietnam.
1991 The Parliament of South Africa repealed the Population
 Registration Act. The act had required that all South
Africans  be classified by race at birth. 
2016  smiled.


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Free virus scanner 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: NM man set fire to his apartment to escape neighbors’ sex noises Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 16, in 0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. That gave the Vandals a bad name. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ America is the only country where a significant proportion of the population believes that professional wrestling is real but the moon landing was faked. --- Jay Leno Only in America...could the rich people - who pay 90% of all income taxes - be accused of not paying their "fair share" by people who don't pay any income taxes at all. --- Moe _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Minister was shaking everyone's hand while they were leaving the Church, An elderly gentleman said to him: "Reverend, that was the worst sermon I've ever listened to, it was terrible". While the Minister remained speechless, the gentleman's wife wanting to be helpful said, "Reverend, please don't listen to him, he slept through most of it and is only repeating what he hears other people saying."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Here is another good message for telemarketers who try to be a nuisance at the most inconvenient time: "This is the microwave. The answering machine just eloped with the DVD player, so I'm stuck with taking her calls. If you want your brain cooked some more while you leave your message, just hold your phone near your head." Get your tex-to-speech program to read that, record it with audacity and save it as a wav onto the desktop, so that you can play by doubleclicking it. With almost all text-to-speech programs you can select a voice, that sounds like a robot. For maximum effect add the beeping alarm you get from slowly strangling a large rubber duckie squeaky toy. Have FUN! ______________________________________________________ A husband took his young daughter to the grocery store with him. In addition to the healthful items on the carefully prepared shopping list, they returned with a box of sugar-laden cookies. The man noticed the glare of his wife and said, "This box of cookies has one-third fewer calories than the boxes usually do." "Why is that?" the mother asked. "We ate a third of the cookies on the way home," he replied. ______________________________________________________ While sorting through spring pictures I came across this one. Judging by the vegetation and the mountain, that would place that rock in southwestern New Mexico. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NM man set fire to his apartment to escape neighbors’ sex noises Reuben Cook, 36, Albuquerque, New Mexico A man seeking to escape the sounds of his neighbors having sex took drastic action Sunday night when he set fire to his apartment, according to court documents. Reuben Cook, 36, told police he “tried to burn anything he could think of” in his apartment in order to spend the night in “prison” away from his neighbors, according to a criminal complaint filed in Metropolitan Court. When police arrived at the multi-story, multi-family complex at 5904 Osuna NE a little before 10 p.m. they found minor fire damage, with four separate areas of origin, in one of the apartments. When the officer asked Cook, the apartment’s tenant, to tell him about his day, Cook said “I started the fires in my apartment,” according to the complaint. “He stated that he heard people having sex upstairs and making a lot of noise,” the officer wrote in the complaint. “Mr. Cook stated that by starting the fires he could go to ‘prison’ and get away from the noise.” So the officers took him to the county jail, charging him with arson. Cook’s father, David Cook, said his son suffered from a stroke seven years ago that left him mentally impaired. “They had to remove part of his brain,” David Cook said. “He’s not in control of the things he thinks. It was not something that he planned.” Nataura Powdrell-Moore, a jail spokeswoman, said Reuben Cook was released on his own recognizance Tuesday, so that he can start more fires. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helga RE: Free virus scanner Dear Webby, I need a virus scanner that is free to install on a bunch of machines that we are donating to an old folks home. What would you recommend? Helga Dear Helga Try "HouseCall" from TrendMicro. It is rated better than Norton and almost as good as McAfee. You can download it from http://housecall.trendmicro.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Thanks To Janet For This One: We Had Made Some Changes In Our Diet. My Husband Lost 50 Pounds And I Lost 15. I Felt Good And Active Again And After Eight Years Of Being A Housewife, I Took A Job In A Restaurant. When I Returned Home After My First Day At Work, I Gave My Husband A Big Hug. He Seemed To Cling To Me Longer Than Usual. "Did You Really Miss Me That Much Today, Dear?" I Asked. "No," Came The Reply. "But You Smell So Much Like Decent Food, That I Hate To Let Go." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing a Hole in a Bathtub By kathleen williams [76 Posts, 1,658 Comments] Difficulty: Easy Things You'll Need: Putty knife Automotive body filler Sandpaper Paint Step 1: Determine how large your hole is. If the hole is larger than 3 inches by 3 inches, it will be difficult to patch, and you should consider replacing the tub. However, if your hole is still manageable, you can begin by applying the body filler over the entire hole. Step 2: Leave the body filler to cure for anywhere from six to twelve hours, depending on the size of the hole. Step 3: Go back and file over the hole with sand paper to make it feel like a natural part of your bathtub. After sanding and removing all excess automotive body filler, paint the entire patch with a color that matches your bathtub. Use a tub and tile refinishing paint or use a fiberglass paint. Your bathtub should look as good as new in as little as seven hours of your spare time. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman goes over to her married son's house and walks in to find her daughter-in-law sitting in a chair, entirely nude. The mother-in-law said, "What the heck are you doing?" "I'm wearing my love dress," responds the daughter-in- law, "We haven't made love in a while, so I wore it." So the mother-in-law says, "Hm, maybe I should try that." She goes home and her husband wasn't home yet, so she undressed. Two hours went by and finally she heard her husband's car. He walks in the front door and says, "What the heeck are you doing?" "I'm wearing my love dress," says the wife. "Well," responds the husband, with a grin, "it does look like it needs to be pressed here and there!" ___________________________________________________
Robin Hood and Little John Runnin' Thru the Forest
____________________________________________________ A Bonehead Award goes to the men in the UK. According to a survey conducted by UK's FQ men's magazine, nearly 80 percent of men don't want to have seex with their pregnant partners fearing that it will bring on early labor and the new kid will start raising a ruckus right when there is soccer on the telly, or fearing that the child might remember. These are myths as the baby is fully protected, and children never pay attention to their parents anyway. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty B for this: This was written by a black guy in Texas.....so funny.....what a great sense of humor and creativity!!! When I born, I black, when I grow up, I black, when I go in sun, I black, when I cold, I black, when I scared, I black, when I sick, I black, and when I die, I still black. You white folks....when you born, you pink, when you grow up, you white, when you go in sun, you red, when you cold, you blue, when you scared, you yellow, when you sick, you green, when you bruised, you purple, and when you die, you gray So who you are callin' colored folk's ??? ____________________________________________________
The vine that ate the South.

Today on June 16
0455 Rome was sacked by the Vandal army. That gave the
Vandals a bad name.
1487 The War of the Roses ended with the Battle of Stoke.
1567 Mary, Queen of Scots, was imprisoned in Lochleven 
 Castle in Scotland.
1815 Napoleon defeated the Prussians at the Battle of
Ligny, Netherlands.
1884 At Coney Island, in Brooklyn, NY, the first roller 
 coaster in America opened.
1903 Ford Motor Company was incorporated.
1907 The Russian czar dissolved the Duma in St.
Petersburg.
1922 Henry Berliner accomplished the first helicopter 
 flight in the US at College Park, MD.
1925 France accepted a German proposal for a security
pact.
1955 Argentine naval officers launched an attack on 
 President Juan Peron's headquarters. The revolt was 
 suppressed by the army.
1963 26-year-old Valentina Tereshkova went into orbit 
 aboard the Vostok 6 spacecraft for three days. She was 
 the first female space traveler.
1976 In Soweto, thousands of school children revolted 
 against the South African government's plan to enforce 
 Afrikaans as the language for instruction in black
schools.
2008 California began issuing marriage licenses to same-
sex couples.
2016  smiled.


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Printing just a selection 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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Today's International Bonehead Award: Drunk Tennessee driver found wearing a tutu and a chastity belt on his penis. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 15, in 1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The big thieves hang the little ones. --- Czech Proverb We cannot control the evil tongues of others; but a good life enables us to disregard them. --- Cato the Elder (234 BC - 149 BC) The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler Ours is the age that is proud of machines that think and suspicious of men who try to. --- H. Mumford Jones _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Jean for this one: At a wedding ceremony, the pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and groom. It was their time to stand up and talk, or forever hold their peace. The moment of utter silence was broken by a young beautiful woman carrying a child. She started walking toward the pastor slowly. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groom's mother fainted. The groomsmen started giving each other looks and wondering how best to help save the situation. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear you in the back there."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Letter from a redneck aunt Dear Billy Joe Bob, I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the trailer numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address. We still have the same phone number though, because I brought our old phone along. When you get out of jail, just call us and we will come pick you up. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. The baby looks just like your brother. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and eventually drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days and then the crematorium blew up. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. I was going to put twenty bucks for you into this letter, but I had already sealed it. I'll send them next time. Your Favorite Aunt Edna-Sue ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for this classic: Cinderella was now 75 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now departed Prince, she happily sat in her rocking chair watching the world go by with her cat Alan. One afternoon, out of nowhere, appeared her Fairy Godmother. Cinderella said: "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all these years?" The Fairy Godmother replied, "Well Cinderella, since you have lived a good wholesome life since we last met, I have decided to grant you three wishes. Is there anything for which your heart still yearns? Cinderella was overjoyed. "I wish I was extremely wealthy", she said. Instantly, her rocking chair turned into solid gold. Alan, her cat, jumped off her lap and ran to the edge of the porch quivering with fear. "Oh thank you Fairy Godmother," said Cinderella. "Is there anything else you might wish for", asked the Fairy Godmother. Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I was young and full of the beauty I once had." At once, her wish was granted. Cinderella felt a feeling inside her that she had not felt for years. The Fairy Godmother said, "you have one wish remaining, what shall you have?" Cinderella looked at her frightened cat in the corner and said, "I wish you turn Alan, my old cat, into a handsome young man." Magically, Alan suddenly underwent a change and then before them stood a young man with the looks and body that no other man could match. The Fairy Godmother again spoke "Congratulations Cinderella. Enjoy your new life," and with that she was gone. For a few eerie moments, Cinderella and Alan looked into each other's eyes. Cinderella sat breathless, gazing at the most stunning perfect man she had ever seen. Then Alan walked over to Cinderella and held her close in his muscular arms. He leant in close to her ear and whispered in a warm breath, "I bet that now you regret having me neutered at the vet, don't you?" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Drunk Tennessee driver found wearing a tutu and a chastity belt on his penis. Curtis Scott Eidam 35, Oak Ridge, Tennessee There was more going on than met the eye during this bizarre DUI stop, and the eye was met by plenty. When Curtis Scott Eidam, 35, of Oak Ridge was stopped on suspicion of drunken driving at a sobriety checkpoint last month, his wardrobe immediately grabbed attention, an official said. He was wearing "some kind of red mesh see-through hose" with a ribbon tied in his goatee, said Investigator Bobby Joe Higgs of the Anderson County District Attorney General's office. Capping Eidam's outfit: "He had on some kind of little skirt," Higgs said. Others familiar with the May 14 stop called the garment a tutu. Eidam made a disclosure once in custody, according to the arrest warrant filed by Tennessee Highway Patrol Sgt. Dennis Smith — he needed a key. Eidam told officers he was wearing what he called a locked chastity belt, and it was "attached to his penis," the warrant states. One key was on his key chain, the suspect said, and the other on a necklace around his passenger's neck. That 44- year-old woman, described as "highly intoxicated" in the trooper's warrant, wasn't charged. One of the two keys was retrieved by another officer and given to Anderson County jail personnel, according to court records. Eidam is charged with DUI and possession of a handgun while under the influence. He is scheduled to appear in Anderson County General Sessions Court on July 12. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Renee RE: Print Selection Dear Webby, I like to print the tech advice. How can I do that without coping the whole letter. I highlight the paragraphs and try to cut copy etc. and it prints the whole letter. Renee Dear Renee With SOME printers you can select to print SELECTION You may have to search a bit to find where you select that. With others, after highlighting a section, hit CTRL C then jump to a text editor or word processor, or even your email. Put your cursor where you want the copied stuff, then hit CTRL V to paste. If you have a 5 button mouse, then of couse just use the copy and paste buttons on the mouse. Once you have pasted your selection, you can print that. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >Thanks to JoAnn for this one: There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing. The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left." "Would you care to do it again?" He asks her. "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions."!!!!! "This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and YOU crap on its head." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Knee Pads for Scrubbing the Floor by Hand By Litter Gitter [168 Posts, 595 Comments] We live in a small house which makes cleaning more often a must. I have found that it's easy to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor with a rag, plus I can wipe the baseboards off as I go. We live in a small house which makes cleaning more often a must. I have found that it's easy to get on my hands and knees and scrub the floor with a rag, plus I can wipe the baseboards off as I go. It's rough on the knees though, especially during the summer months when you are in shorts. I found a pair of soft knee pads in the garden center at Walmart and they make scrubbing much more comfortable. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1960's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, the reply was, "That's true, but since the science of economics is explaining today why the perdictions we made last year were wrong, the answers obviously are different every year." ___________________________________________________
wait for it! dogs and a squeaky toy
____________________________________________________ A professor asked a student to remain for a few moments after class. Holding out the young man's assignment, the professor said, "Did you write this poem all by yourself?" The student said, "Every word of it." "Well, then, I'm glad to meet you, Mr. Poe. However,.... since it would be rather tedious to re-write all the books that claim that you have died already," the professor said, as he pulled one of the swords from the coat of arms up on the wall, "....I will have to make a quick correction in your state of livelyness." ____________________________________________________ His wife had been killed in an accident the day before and the police were questioning Finnegan. "Did she say anything before she died?" asked the sergeant. Finnegan nodded. "What did she say ?" "Well, she spoke without interruption for about forty years," Finnegan said, "but I ddidn't put a battery into my hearing aid until just this morning." ____________________________________________________
A cave full of magical glow worms.

Today on June 15
1215 King John of England put his seal on the Magna Carta.
1381 The English peasant revolt was crushed in London.
1389 Ottoman Turks crushed Serbia in the Battle of Kosovo.
1607 Colonists in North America completed James Fort in 
 Jamestown, VA.
1667 Jean-Baptiste Denys administered the first fully
 documented human blood transfusion. He successfully 
 transfused the blood of a sheep to a 15-year old boy.
1752 Benjamin Franklin experimented by flying a kite 
 during a thunderstorm. The result was a little spark 
 that showed the relationship between lightning and 
 electricity.
1775 George Washington was appointed head of the 
 Continental Army by the Second Continental Congress.
1844 Charles Goodyear was granted a patent for 
 the process that strengthens rubber.
1866 Prussia attacked Austria.
1898 The U.S. House of representatives approved the 
 annexation of Hawaii.
1909 Benjamin Shibe patented the cork center baseball.
1917 Great Britain pledged the release of all the 
 Irish captured during the Easter Rebellion of 1916.
1940 The French fortress of Verdun was captured by
Germans.
1947 The All-Indian Congress accepted a British plan 
 for the partition of India.
1958 Greece severed military ties to Turkey because 
 of the Cypress issue.
1964 The last French troops got chased out of Algeria.
1978 King Hussein of Jordan married 26-year-old American 
 Lisa Halaby, who became Queen Noor.
1992 It was ruled by the U.S. Supreme Court that the 
 government could kidnap criminal suspects from foreign 
 countries for prosecution.
1999 South Korean naval forces sank a North Korean 
 torpedo boat during an exchange in the disputed Yellow
Sea. 
2016  smiled.


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How to stop Russian Spam 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, June 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Resort Guest Doused Boy, 7, With Vodka, kicked cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 14, in 1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in Timor in a small boat. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ "Women and cats will do as they please and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea." --- Robert A. Heinlein Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents'ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!" ______________________________________________________ The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wichita man caught recording sex with 290 unconscious women Jordan L. Stanton, 28, Wichita, Kansas A Wichita physical therapist assistant has surrendered his license to practice after pleading guilty to charges that he sexually battered an unconscious woman in a peacock costume and secretly recorded it on video, the state Board of Healing Arts announced Monday. Jordan L. Stanton, 28, admitted in March to two counts of felony aggravated sexual battery and three counts of breach of privacy, said Lyon County prosecutor Amy Aranda. Stanton committed his crimes in 2010, before he was licensed as a physical therapist assistant by the Board of Healing Arts in 2012, the case history indicates. The charges stemmed from a police investigation finding that Stanton had used hidden cameras to record himself having sex about 290 times with a variety of women in Wichita, Derby, Emporia and Abilene, court records show. The victim in the criminal case, identified in records as “Female 1,” was unconscious and incapable of consenting to sexual activity due to the use of alcohol or drugs, Aranda said. The incidents occurred at a home in Emporia where Stanton had hidden video equipment to secretly record sexual liaisons with women, records said. In one of the two criminal incidents, the woman had been drinking at home and at a Halloween party before meeting Stanton at a bar, where she had more drinks, according to a police affidavit. They returned to his apartment, where they had consensual sex. Later, he initiated more sexual activity after the woman had passed out, leading to one of the two sexual battery charges. Stanton recorded both the consensual and nonconsensual acts using a hidden camera. The woman said she was unaware she was being recorded and did not consent to that, leading to breach of privacy charges. Another incident, with the same woman, had occurred about two weeks earlier, court records show. On Monday, the Board of Healing Arts announced that Stanton had signed a consent order surrendering his license to perform physical therapist assistant services. Neither the criminal file nor the board documents alleged that any patients were harmed by Stanton. Board officials could not immediately say where he had worked. Stanton’s crimes came to light in 2014 when he let a girlfriend use his computer to do her homework and she found a cache of videos of him having sex with several different women, the police affidavit said. Despite Stanton’s pleading with her and an offer to delete all the videos if she kept quiet, the woman turned copies she’d made on a flash drive over to police, the affidavit said. An investigator obtained a search warrant and found about 290 homemade sex videos on Stanton’s computer. The investigator was able to locate some of the women, who identified Stanton and the camouflage-patterned sheets he used in his videos. “The videos appear to have been made without the female’s knowledge or permission and the identified women have since confirmed the videos were made without their permission,” according to the affidavit by Emporia Police Detective Kelly Davis. Stanton’s admission of guilt on five charges was part of a plea bargain to settle a 22-count criminal complaint, according to court records. The plea agreement recommends a sentence of 64 months – 32 months for each of the two sexual battery charges – but leaves open the possibility of a sentence not involving prison time, records show. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ella RE: Russian Spam Dear Webby, I am getting a lot of spam that seems to originate in Russia or link to domains ending ins .ru How can I block those? I am 82 years old and really am not interested in funny blue pills. Ella Dear Ella I had a look at the Pie chart in MailWasher! Yes, apparently I too get a lot of those spams. So, what is my oh so sophisticated and complicated RU filter? If the BODY (pull down selector) CONTAINS (pull down selector) .ru/ (type this in) then dump that mail. (pull down selector) It sure is easy to click together a filter, if you have MailWasher. You can make filters with Gmail too. Not quite as simple, but you can do it! You can get MailWasher at http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ >From Sue One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE INGREDIENTS 250g of cream cheese 2 cups of heavy cream (35%) 1 can of diced pineapple 1 cup sugar 1 box of Graham crackers METHOD 1. Drain pineapple and reserve liquid. 2. Beat cream cheese with sugar. 3. Beat cream into whipping cream. Add to cream cheese mixture. 4. Add pineapple and mix well without beating it too much. 5. Wet crackers in pineapple liquid and put at the bottom and on the sides of cake mould. 6. Pour in cheese and cream mixture. 7. Refrigerate overnight. 8. Unmold before serving. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man had been driving all night and by morning was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Yes?" "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "8:15". The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window and another jogger. "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" "8:25!" The jogger said thanks and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off when there was another knock on the window. "Sir, sir? It's 8:30!" ___________________________________________________
A New Day
____________________________________________________ One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test and $51 change. ____________________________________________________ Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window." ____________________________________________________
Sand sculpture of an elephant playing chess with a mouse. I think the mouse is winning.

Today on June 14
1789 Captain William Bligh of the HMS Bounty arrived in 
 Timor in a small boat.

1834 Cyrus Hall McCormick received a patent for his 
 reaping machine.

1834 Isaac Fischer Jr. patented sandpaper.

1841 The first Canadian parliament opened in Kingston.

1846 A group of U.S. settlers in Sonoma proclaimed the 
 Republic of California.

1900 Hawaii became a U.S. territory.

1907 Women in Norway won the right to vote.

1917 General John Pershing arrived in Paris during World
War I.

1919 The first non-stop trans-Atlantic flight began. 
 Captain John Alcot and Lt. Arthur Brown flew from 
 Newfoundland to Ireland.

1927 Nicaraguan President Adolfo Diaz signed a treaty with

 the U.S. allowing American intervention in his country.

1940 The Nazis opened their concentration camp at
Auschwitz in German-occupied Poland.

1940 German troops entered Paris. As Paris became occupied

 loud speakers announced the implementation of a curfew 
 being imposed for 8 p.m.

1943 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that schoolchildren
could  not be made to salute the U.S. flag if doing so
conflicted with their religious beliefs.

1944 Sixty U.S. B-29 Superfortress' attacked an iron and 
 steel works factory on Honshu Island. It was the first 
 major U.S. raid against Japan.

1945 Burma was liberated by Britain.

1949 The state of Vietnam was formed.

1951 "Univac I" was unveiled. It was a computer designed 
 for the U.S. Census Bureau and billed as the world's 
 first commercial computer.

1952 The Nautilus was dedicated. It was the first nuclear 
 powered submarine.

1954 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower signed an order 
 adding the words "under God" to the Pledge of Allegiance.

1965 A military triumvirate took control in Saigon.

1967 Mariner 5 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. The
space  probe's flight took it past Venus.

1982 Argentine forces surrendered to British troops on the

 Falkland Islands.

1989 Former U.S. President Reagan received an honorary 
 knighthood from Britain's Queen Elizabeth II.

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld police checkpoints that

 are used to examine drivers for signs of intoxication.

2016  smiled.


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Where is the PAUSE key? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, June 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Resort Guest Doused Boy, 7, With Vodka, kicked cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 13, in 1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children may not be sent by parcel post. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ There is no fix for stupidity, but there are some work-arounds. --- Chuck Snyder "By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher." --- Socrates _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The young man told his father, "I want to marry a good woman, a beautiful woman, a smart woman, one who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will make me happy." His father told him he'll have to make up his mind.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Dear Pastor, How does God know the good people from the bad people? Do you tell Him or does He read about it on online? Sincerely, Virginia. ______________________________________________________ A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to be "macho," so he went out walking with one of the hired hands. As they were walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation: "Say, look at that big bunch of cows." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.'" "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Utah mom found passed out in gutter, children home with unconscious teens Amber Renee Bradley, 29, Layton, Utah A woman found passed out in a gutter was arrested after police found her children were at home where teenagers allegedly threw a party of their own with alcohol supplied by the mom, according to police. Amber Renee Bradley, 29, of Layton, was arrested Saturday for investigation of seven counts of child endangerment, intoxication and possession of a controlled substance. According to a Davis County Jail booking report, Bradley was found passed out in a gutter just after 4 a.m. Her speech "was extremely slurred," she was disoriented and needed assistance walking, the report states. Bradley mentioned something about her children, ages 8, 5, and 4, to police, stating a 15-year-old was watching them at her house around the corner, according to the jail report. But when officers went there to check on them, they found four teens, ages 14 to 16, "unconscious lying next to beer, marijuana, drug paraphernalia and Xanax" on the floor and a table next to them, according to the jail report. Bradley's children were found asleep on the floor in a separate bedroom. The teens told detectives that they had earlier been drinking with Bradley, who supplied the beer, the report states. One teen admitted to traveling to Ogden with Bradley to purchase Xanax, according to the report. She told officers she did not have a prescription for Xanax. According to court records, an eviction notice was issued against Bradley on May 24 for owing more than $1,200 in rent. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel RE: Pause key Dear Webby, what keyboard has a " pause " feature ? daniel Hi Daniel ALL of them do near the right top since the 101 key keyboards in the mid 80's. Before that, Telegraph and Teleprinter keyboards used to have it on the right edge. It is usually in or near the upper right corner and labelled Pause Break On Laptops it is sometimes moved a bit inward from the right edge, but still on the top row. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ "New York's Taxi and Limousine commission is looking to increase the fare from JFK airport into Manhattan from $50 to $65. However, the scenic route for tourists who don't speak English, the fare will remain at $300, even if the cab driver can't speak English either." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com PINEAPPLE CHEESECAKE INGREDIENTS 250g of cream cheese 2 cups of heavy cream (35%) 1 can of diced pineapple 1 cup sugar 1 box of Graham crackers METHOD 1. Drain pineapple and reserve liquid. 2. Beat cream cheese with sugar. 3. Beat cream into whipping cream. Add to cream cheese mixture. 4. Add pineapple and mix well without beating it too much. 5. Wet crackers in pineapple liquid and put at the bottom and on the sides of cake mould. 6. Pour in cheese and cream mixture. 7. Refrigerate overnight. 8. Unmold before serving. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ One day a man drove his secretary to her mother's place after her mother had slipped and fallen down the stairs. Although nothing was broken, the mother was hurting and in shock and needed some help and assistance. Although this was a totally proper and formal trip, he decided not to mention it to his wife, who tended to get jealous easily. Later that night, the man and his wife were driving to a restaurant. Suddenly, he looked down and spotted a high heel shoe half hidden between the seats. Not wanting to be conspicuous, he waited until his wife was looking out her window before he scooped up the shoe and tossed it out of the window. With a sigh of relief, he pulled into the restaurant parking lot. That's when he noticed his wife squirming around in her seat. "Honey," she asked, "have you seen my other shoe?" ___________________________________________________
when you're stranded at the airport!
____________________________________________________ Male Vs. Female Logic Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400.correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No Man: Where's your Ferrari? ____________________________________________________ The telephone rings in the principal's office at a school and the principal said, "Hello, this is Dunn Elementary." The caller said, "Hi. I'm calling to let you know that Little Johnny Johnson won't be able to come to school all next week." "What seems to be the problem with him?" asked the principal. The caller said, "We are all going on a family vacation. I sure hope there is not a problem with that." "I guess that would be fine," said the principal. "May I ask who is calling?" The caller said, "Sure. This is my father." ____________________________________________________
Architects have vivid imaginations and some of these buildings are truly breathtaking.

Today on June 13
1415 Henry the Navigator, the prince of Portugal, embarked

 on an expedition to Africa.
1777 The Marquis de Lafayette arrived in the American
colonies  to help with their rebellion against the
British.
1789 Ice cream was served to General George Washington 
 by Mrs. Alexander Hamilton.
1825 Walter Hunt patented the safety pin. Hunt then
 sold the rights for $400.
1898 The Canadian Yukon Territory was organized.
1900 China's Boxer Rebellion against foreigners and
Chinese  Christians erupted into violence.
1912 Captain Albert Berry made the first successful
parachute  jump from an airplane in Jefferson,
Mississippi.
1920 The U.S. Post Office Department ruled that children
may not be sent by parcel post.
1922 Charlie Osborne started the longest attack of
hiccups.  He hiccuped over 435 million times before
stopping. He died  in 1991, 11 months after his hiccups
ended.
1923 The French set a trade barrier between the occupied
Ruhr and the rest of Germany. Germans did not like that.
1940 Paris was evacuated before the German advance on the
city.
1943 German spies landed on Long Island, New York. 
 They were soon captured.
1944 Germany launched 10 of its new V1 rockets against
Britain from a position near the Channel coast. Of the 10
rockets only 5 landed in Britain and only one managed to
kill (6 people in London).
1944 Marvin Camras patented the wire recorder.
1949 Bao Dai entered Saigon to rule Vietnam. He had been 
 installed by the French.
1951 U.N. troops seized Pyongyang, North Korea.
1966 The landmark "Miranda vs. Arizona" decision was
issued  by the U.S. Supreme Court. The decision ruled that
criminal  suspects had to be informed of their
constitutional rights before being questioned by police.
1978 Israelis withdrew the last of their invading forces 
 from Lebanon.
1979 Sioux Indians were awarded $105 million in
compensation for the U.S. seizure in 1877 of their Black
Hills in South Dakota.
1983 The unmanned U.S. space probe Pioneer 10 became the 
 first spacecraft to leave the solar system. It was
launched in March 1972. The first up-close images of the
planet Jupiter were provided by Pioneer 10.
1994 A jury in Anchorage, Alaska, found Exxon Corp. and 
 Captain Joseph Hazelwood to be reckless in the 
 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 France announced that they would conduct eight more 
 nuclear tests in the South Pacific.
2000 In Pyongyang, North Korea's leader Kim Jong Il 
 welcomed South Korea's President Kim Dae for a three-day 
 summit. It was the first such meeting between the
leaders of North and South Korea. 
2016  smiled.


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Kasperski 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, June 12
Thank you, Gordon!!!


From 2012
Today is Tuesday, June 12, 2012
I had to laugh when Lillemor sent me an article about the 
Dept Of Justice getting frantic and trying to forbid
Florida dumping names of dead people off their voting
rolls. Apparently those tens of thousands of ghost voters
are absolutely necessary for Obama to win, and ghost
voters have worked fine in Illinois. 
Obama apparently is entitled to them!

There is one way to correct that. Leave them on the voters
rolls, but redline them.  Whenever a live person shows up
to vote for a ghost, arrest them and throw them into the
slammer for voting fraud.

Florida could easily enough make an Arpaio style tent jail
in the Everglades, guarded by alligators. And keep them
there until they come up with $100,000 bail money or a
$10,000 summary conviction fine. 

If they use the same trick with all the illegals, who were
put onto the election rolls, the fines would get the
state out of debt!

Or would that make too much sense?



Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Resort Guest Doused Boy, 7, With Vodka, kicked cops Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 10, in 1099 - Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ I have noticed that the people who are late are often so much jollier than the people who have to wait for them. --- E. V. Lucas Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. --- George Burns _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bubba & Earl were in the local bar enjoying a beer when they decided to get in on the weekly charity raffle. They bought five tickets each at a dollar a pop. The following week, when the raffle was drawn, each had won a prize. Earl won 1st prize, a year's supply of gourmet spaghetti sauce and extra-long spaghetti. Bubba won 6th prize, a toilet brush. About a week or so had passed when the men met back in the neighborhood bar for a couple of beers. Bubba asked Earl how he liked his prize, to which Earl replied, "Great, I love spaghetti! How about you, how's that toilet brush?" "Not so good," replied Bubba, "I reckon I'm gonna go back to paper."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Groan! This man walked into a Fifth Avenue bank and said to the guard, "Pardon me. I'd like to talk with the fella who arranges loans. The guard replied, "I'm sorry but the loan arranger is out to lunch." "In that case," the man said, "I'd like to talk to Tonto!" ______________________________________________________ A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped." ______________________________________________________ From FB ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Resort Guest Doused Boy, 7, With Vodka, kicked cops Roseanna Marie Kiser, 33, North Carolina A hotel guest swigging from a liquor bottle while at the pool of a waterfront Florida resort allegedly poured vodka “directly into the eyes and face” of a seven-year-old boy who splashed water near her, according to police. As detailed in arrest affidavits, Roseanna Marie Kiser, a 33-year-old North Carolina resident, was at the Sheraton Sand Key Resort in Clearwater Monday evening when she tangled with the underage victim. Kiser, police allege, was intoxicated and “drinking from a vodka bottle” while several young children “were also swimming and playing” in the pool (seen below). Kiser reportedly became angry at the seven-year-old boy “because he was splashing water near her.” So, cops charge, she “opened her bottle of vodka and poured some of its liquid contents directly into the eyes and face” of the child. Kiser then allegedly grabbed the boy by the chest and pushed him “further away from her into the water in the pool.” Responding to a 911 call, Clearwater Police Department officers confronted Kiser (pictured above) in her hotel room. After being told multiple times that she was being ejected from the premises by hotel management, Kiser fought with cops, elbowing and kicking officers in the head, neck, and chest,” according to a felony complaint accusing her of resisting an officer with violence. During the struggle with Kiser, one patrolman was repeatedly kicked in the groin by the suspect. As a result, she was charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, a felony. Kiser is also facing a felony child abuse charge. Kiser was freed from jail yesterday morning after posting a $12,750 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Leslie RE: Kasperski Dear Webby, I’ve come to the point of needing virus protection, Sad but true Do you use Kasperski, if not what do you use I run Windows 8 (I think) Hope your eyes are doing good Peace to you my friend… Dear Leslie I use McAfee. I used Kasperski briefly, just to try it out, but went back to McAfee in less than a month. Kasperski was not suitable for me. Just go to http://webby.com/mac and get about 50% off regular price. To see which version of Windows you got, hold down the Windows key, and hit the PAUSE key. After a while the Systems Info page opens and tells you near the top which version of Windows you got installed. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two old Jewish men are strolling down the street one day when they happen to walk by a Catholic church. They see a big sign posted that says, "Convert to Catholicism and get $100." One of the Jewish men stops walking and stares at the sign. His friend turns to him and says, "Murray, what's going on?" "Abe," replies Murray, "I'm thinking of doing it." Abe says, "What are you, crazy?" Murray thinks for a minute and says, "Abe, I'm going to do it." With that, Murray strides purposefully into the church and comes out twenty minutes later with a big grin on his face. "So," asks Abe, "did you get your hundred dollars?" Murray looks up at him and says, "Is money all that you Jews ever think of? I bet you want to borrow it now!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Three Ingredient Pumpkin Spice Cupcakes By Eileen M. [56 Posts, 240 Comments] This is the easiest cupcake recipe I've ever used and the cupcakes are SO moist! Ingredients: 1 box spice cake mix 1 can (15 oz.) pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling) 1/4 cup water cupcake pan cupcake papers non-stick spray Directions: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Prepare cupcake pan with papers. Spray each paper with non-stick spray inside the papers. Mix by hand spice cake mix, pumpkin, and water. Stir until well mixed. Mixture is much heavier than "normal" cupcakes. Spoon or scoop batter into prepared cupcake pans. Bake for 20 minutes; let cool in pan for 5 minutes, then finish cooling on wire rack. Frost with cream cheese frosting, regular vanilla frosting, or sprinkle powdered sugar on them. Store in covered container. These are supposed to freeze well, but we've never had any last that long! Servings:30 regular size cupcakes Prep Time:5 to 10 Minutes Cooking Time:20 Minutes Source: My math tutor By Eileen from Elk Grove, CA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Shirley M for this one: One hot July day we found an old straggly cat at the door. She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny and hair all matted down. We felt sorry for her and put her in a carrier and took her to the vet. She had no name so we named her Pussycat. The vet decided to keep her for a day or so and said he would let us know when we could come and get her. My husband, [the complainer] said: "OK, but don't forget to wash her, she stinks." My husband and my vet don't see eye to eye. He calls my husband El-cheap-O. My husband calls him El-Take-O. They love to hate each other. Next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, which was located next door to the vet. The doctor's office was full of people waiting to see the doctor. A side door opened and in leaned the vet; he had obviously seen my husband arrive. He looked straight at my husband, "Your wife's pussy is finally clean and shaved. She now smells like a rose. And by the way, I t hink she's pregnant. God knows WHO the father is!" And he closed the door. ___________________________________________________
when you're stranded at the airport!
____________________________________________________ A fourth-grade teacher was giving her pupils a lesson in logic. "Here is the situation," she said. "A man is standing up in a boat in the middle of a river, fishing. He loses his balance, falls in, and begins splashing and yelling for help. His wife hears the commotion, knows he can't swim, and runs down to the bank. Why do you think she ran to the bank?" A girl raised her hand and asked, "To draw out his savings before all the relatives showed up?" ____________________________________________________ Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's snickering voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?" ____________________________________________________
Animals do have a sense a sense of humor.

Today on June 12
1099 - Crusade leaders visited the Mount of Olives where
they met a hermit who urged them to assault Jerusalem. 

1442 - Alfonso V of Aragon was crowned King of Naples. 

1665 - England installed a municipal government in New
York. It was the former Dutch settlement of New Amsterdam.


1812 - Napoleon's invasion of Russia began. 

1839 - Abner Doubleday created the game of baseball,
according to the legend. 

1849 - Lewis Haslett patented a gas mask. (Patent US6529
A) 

1897 - Carl Elsener patented his penknife. The object
later became known as the Swiss army knife. 

1898 - Philippine nationalists declared their independence
from Spain. 

1900 - The Reichstag approved a second law that would
allow the expansion of the German navy. 

1901 - Cuba agreed to become an American protectorate by
accepting the Platt Amendment. 

1912 - Lillian Russel retired from the stage and was
married for the fourth time. 

1918 - The first airplane bombing raid by an American unit
occurred on World War I's Western Front in France. 

1921 - U.S. President Warren Harding urged every young man
to attend military training camp. 

1923 - Harry Houdini, while suspended upside down 40 feet
above the ground, escaped from a strait jacket. 

1926 - Brazil quit the League of Nations in protest over
plans to admit Germany. 

1935 - U.S. Senator Huey Long of Louisiana made the
longest speech on Senate record. The speech took 15 1/2
hours and was filled by 150,000 words. 

1935 - The Chaco War was ended with a truce. Bolivia and
Paraguay had been fighting since 1932. 

1937 - The Soviet Union executed eight army leaders under
Joseph Stalin. 

1941 - In London, the Inter-Allied Declaration was signed.
It was the first step towards the establishment of the
United Nations. 

1944 - Chinese Communist leader Mao Tse-tung announced
that he would support Nationalist leader Chiang Kai-shek
in the war against Japan. 

1963 - "Cleopatra" starring Elizabeth Taylor, Rex
Harrison, and Richard Burton premiered at the Rivoli
Theatre in New York City. 

1963 - Civil rights leader Medgar Evers was fatally shot
in front of his home in Jackson, MS. 

1967 - State laws which prohibited interracial marriages
were ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1975 - Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was found
guilty of corrupt election practices in 1971. 

1979 - Bryan Allen flew the Gossamer Albatross, man
powered, across the English Channel. 

1981 - "Raiders of the Lost Ark" opened in the U.S. 

1982 - 75,000 people rallied against nuclear weapons in
New York City's Central Park. Jackson Browne, James
Taylor, Bruce Springsteen, and Linda Ronstadt were in
attendance. 

1985 - Wayne "The Great One" Gretsky was named winner of
the NHL's Hart Trophy. The award is given to the the
league Most Valuable Player. 

1985 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved $27
million in aid to the Nicaraguan contras. 

1986 - South Africa declared a national state of
emergency. Virtually unlimited power was given to security
forces and restrictions were put on news coverage of the
unrest. 

1987 - U.S. President Reagan publicly challenged Mikhail
Gorbachev to tear down the Berlin Wall. 

1990 - The parliament of the Russian Federation formally
declared its sovereignty. 

1992 - In a letter to the U.S. Senate, Russian Boris
Yeltsin stated that in the early 1950's the Soviet Union
had shot down nine U.S. planes and held 12 American
survivors. 

1996 - In Philadelphia a panel of federal judges blocked a
law against indecency on the internet. The panel said that
the 1996 Communications Decency Act would infringe upon
the free speech rights of adults. 

1998 - Compaq Computer paid $9 billion for Digital
Equipment Corp. in largest high-tech acquisition. 

1999 - NATO peacekeeping forces entered the province of
Kosovo in Yugoslavia. 

2003 - In Arkansas, Terry Wallis spoke for the first time
in nearly 19 years. Wallis had been in a coma since July
13, 1984, after being injured in a car accident. 

2009 - In the U.S., The switch from analog TV trasmission
to digital was completed.
2016  smiled.


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Is McAfee enough? 




Good Morning, ,


Today is Saturday, June 11

Re Gordon's IE printing problem:
Thanks for your help Webby. I tied Chrome but didn’t
care for the layout of it (too used to IE I guess!).
Then tried Firefox and quite like it.
Both Chrome and Firefox fixed the printing problem I was
having.
Thanks again for your help.
Gordon


Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: Google reports St. Louis man's email account for storing child pornography Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 10, in 1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia when he ran aground. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book. --- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004) Familiarity breeds contempt - and children. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) People in cars cause accidents and accidents in cars cause people. --- Garrison Keillor _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Resume Blunders How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am a rabid typist." "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail." "Qualifications: No education or experience." "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
The other day I observed a rather funny scene at the golf course across the river. A golfer became so mad that he threw his brand new looking set of golf clubs into the river. A few minutes later he came back, waded into the river, and retrieved his clubs. He proceeded to take his car keys out of the bag -- then threw the clubs back into the water. ______________________________________________________ By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Phyllis for sending this picture: ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Google reports St. Louis man's email account for storing child pornography Julien C. Pender, 25, St Louis, Missouri A St. Louis man was caught with thousands of child pornography images and multimedia files when Google alerted the National Center for Missing and Exploited Children, police say. Julien C. Pender, 25, of the 4300 block of Neosho Street, had more than 2,700 files showing children performing sex acts, according to charges filed Tuesday in St. Louis Circuit Court. Pender was caught when Google reported Pender's Gmail account and IP address, police say. Authorities connected the IP address to Pender's address and raided his home with a search warrant on June 12, 2014. In the raid, police said they seized 2,690 graphic files and 46 sexually explicit multimedia files including video of children. Pender was not in custody Wednesday. Reached by phone, he denied intentionally downloading child pornography but said he used to routinely download games, movies and TV shows. "Sometimes files get in there," Pender said. "Sometimes you get viruses. That's a risk you have. And unfortunately I downloaded things I wasn't trying to download." He also said he was "locked out" of the Gmail address Google reported to police as the one being used to store child pornography. Pender said he was unaware of the charges being filed Tuesday. "I thought all that was dropped," he said. "I thought all that was over with." Google's terms of service says the company uses automated systems to analyze content on its servers including emails to identify child pornography that passes through its systems. Google also says it reports illegal content such as child sex abuse imagery to law enforcement. Pender was charged Tuesday with two counts of felony child porn possession. Bail was set at $50,000 cash, each. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi RE: Is mcAfee enough? Dear Webby, im always leary of spyware and i just got Mcafee total Protection, do you think that is enough ? or do i need more spyware pograms? tyvm. for your help.. love the letter Richi Dear Richi Combined with common sense, McAfee is normally enough. If you do get hit with something extraordinary, you can still add Malwarebytes. If you suspect nuisance spyware, get Spybot- Search&Destroy. http://www.safer-networking.org/spybot2-own-mirror-1/ It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ In a Nairobi restaurant: CUSTOMERS WHO FIND OUR WAITRESSES RUDE OUGHT TO SEE THE MANAGER. Scribbled underneath: He's even worse! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How do you fix a scratched glass top stove? I scratched it by shaking the pop corn pan (duh)! Barbara from St Cloud, FL I joined this site just to give you this gem! I did the same on our week old stove that my hubby was craving. Try baking soda on a damp cloth. Once you buff all of the soda off it is as close to new as you are gonna get! I was impressed! Good luck! By katie Rinda [1 Comment] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A lady was driving from her husband's office to the kids' school, with twelve youngsters in the car, when she blew past a red light, and a police car. Much to the delight of the kids, the police officer pulled her over, wrote her a ticket, lectured her on traffic safety, and finished by saying, "Lady, don't you know when to stop?" Tomato red in the cheeks, the embarrassed woman said, "Hey! Only six of those kids are mine!" ___________________________________________________
Johanna channels Aretha Franklin
____________________________________________________ On an Athi River highway: TAKE NOTICE: WHEN THIS SIGN IS UNDER WATER, THIS ROAD IS IMPASSABLE. DUH ! Aside from not seeing a submerged sign, what would be your second clue ? ____________________________________________________ The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone dialed 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LAWN MOWER!!!!" ____________________________________________________
Creepy archaeology.

Today on June 11
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman
Emperor in Germany. 

1509 King Henry VIII married his first of six wives,
Catherine of Aragon. 

1770 Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef
off of Australia when he ran aground. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 

1895 Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent
granted to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven
automobile. 

1912 Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take
off from the roof of a hotel. 

1915 British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 

1927 Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first
Distinguished Flying Cross. 

1930 William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426
feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber
called a bathysphere. 

1934 The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in
failure. 

1936 The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1937 Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army
generals. 

1940 The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at
Malta in the Mediterranean. 

1942 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease
agreement to provide arms and ammo to the Soviets and jobs
to the US arms industry. All those freighter convoys,
that hauled arms and ammo to Russia were funded by the
lend-lease program. When the Soviet Union collapsed, the
debt was forgiven.

1943 During World War II, the Italian island of
Pantelleria surrendered after a heavy air bombardment. 

1947 The U.S. government announced an end to sugar
rationing. 

1950 Ben Hogan returned to tournament play after a near
fatal car accident. He won the U.S. Open. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida
for trying to integrate restaurants. 

1963 Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black
students to enroll at the University of Alabama. 

1967 Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 

1972 Hank Aaron tied the National League record for 14
grand-slam home runs in a career. 

1973 After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State
of Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 

1977 In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came
to an end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school
being held by South Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and
the six terrorists were killed. 

1981 The first major league baseball player's strike
began. It would last for two months. 

1982 Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened. 

1987 Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime
minister in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of
office. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would
prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 

1991 Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The
eruption of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60
miles. 

1993 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit
"hate crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The
court also ruled in favor of religious groups saying that
they indeed had a constitutional right to sacrifice
animals during worship services. 

1993 Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 

1998 Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to
end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S.
government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of
women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and
crude jokes from male workers. 

1998 Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and
offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 

2010 The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the
first time it was held in Africa. 

2016 World Cup opened in France.
2016  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,


Today is Friday, June 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

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Today's International Bonehead Award: NC Mother prostitutes her 2 mentally handicapped teenage daughters for $5 to $20 Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 10, in 1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on the U.S. The dispute was over merchant vessels being able to travel safely through the Mediterranean. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ The most radical revolutionary will become a conservative the day after the revolution. --- Hannah Arendt (1906 - 1975) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley I hope that while so many people are out smelling the flowers, someone is taking the time to plant some. --- Herbert Rappaport _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ SIXTEEN STEPS TO BUILD A CAMPFIRE 1. Split dead limb into fragments and shave one fragment into slivers. 2. Bandage left thumb. 3. Chop other fragments into smaller fragments 4. Bandage left foot. 5. Make pyramid structure of slivers (include those embedded in hand) 6. Light Match 7. Light Match 8. Repeat "a Scout is cheerful" and light match. 9. Apply match to slivers, add wood fragments, and blow gently into base of fire. 10. Apply burn ointment to nose. 11. When fire is burning, collect more wood. 12. Upon discovering that fire has gone out while out searching for more wood, soak wood from can labeled 'kerosene'. 13. Treat face and arms for second-degree burns. 14. Re-label can to read 'gasoline'. 15. When fire is burning well, add all remaining firewood. 16. When thunder storm has passed, repeat steps. --------------------- Modern alternative: 1. Point to the sign that forbids camp fires. 2. Click the propane BBQ ON.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
All Time Dumbest Questions Asked by Banff Park Tourists Yes, they're ALL TRUE as heard at the information kiosks manned by Parks Canada staff!) 1. How do the elk know they're supposed to cross at the "Elk Crossing"signs? 2. At what elevation does an elk become a moose? 3. Tourist: "How do you pronounce 'Elk'?" Park Information Staff: " 'Elk' " Tourist: "Oh". 4. Are the bears with collars tame? 5. Is there anywhere I can see the bears pose? 6. Is it okay to keep an open bag of bacon on the picnic table, or should I store it in my tent? 7. Where can I find Alpine Flamingos? 8. I saw an animal on the way to Banff today - could you tell me what it was? 9. Are there birds in Canada? 10. Did I miss the turnoff for Canada? 11. Where does Alberta end and Canada begin? 12. Do you have a map of the State of Jasper? 13. Is this the part of Canada that speaks French, or is that Saskatchewan? 14. If I go to B.C., do I have to go through Ontario? 15. Which is the way to the Columbia Ricefields? 16. How far is Banff from Canada? 17. What's the best way to see Canada in a day? 18. Do they search you at the B.C. border? 19. When we enter B.C. do we have to convert our money to British pounds? 20. Where can I buy a raccoon hat? ALL Canadians own one, don't they? 21. Are there phones in Banff? 22. So it's eight kilometres away... is that in miles? 23. We're not on the decibel system ya know. 24. Where can I get my husband really, REALLY lost?? 25. Is that two kilometres by foot or by car? 26. Don't you Canadians know anything? 27. Where do you put the animals at night? 28. Tourist: "How do you get your lakes so blue?" Park staff: "We take the water out in the winter and paint the bottom." Tourist: " Oh 29. And the most common question, also referred to as the mating call of the blue haired Winnebagan: "An haw much ees dat in reel mohney?" 30. The mating call of the males is:"We're the Fog Owie?" ______________________________________________________ A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that now the customer is always wrong." ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by NC Mother prostitutes her 2 mentally handicapped teenage daughters for $5 to $20 Teresa Vanover 52, Eden, North Carolina A mother who pleaded guilty to prostituting her two mentally disabled teenage daughters for $20 or less has been sentenced to a minimum of 20 years in prison. Teresa Vanover admitted she allowed local men to perform sexual acts on her daughters in their Eden, North Carolina neighborhood for $5, $10 or $20 bills. The money was used to pay for her husband's medical bills, as well as her crack cocaine habit. Vanover, 52, was charged 24 counts of child abuse by prostitution and 24 counts of promoting prostitution with a minor with a disability. She received the minimum 20 year sentence on three of her charges and a six-and-a-half year concurrent sentence for her other 45 charges. Vanover confessed that she would take her 15-year-old daughter to a neighborhood barber shop, a nearby boat ramp and even one of the men's mother's house. She would then allow the men to perform sexual acts on her daughter, or would make her daughter watch while she had sex with them, according to Greensboro News & Record. When the 15-year-old began to refuse, Vanover used her 13-year-old daughter instead. The 15-year-old told police months after her father died, when she realized there couldn't be any more medical bills her mother needed to pay. 'We don't have to do it anymore because daddy is dead,' the girl told police, according to transcripts read in court. Vanover was arrested in September 2015 and immediately confessed to the crimes. She also led police to four men who would be charged in the prostitution ring: Thomas 'Tommy' Woodall, Everett Ferris Jr, Donnie Carter, and Mickey Snow. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gordon RE: Problem printing from IE Dear Webby, It looks like I need your help again. You always seem to have the answer for the unique things!! I really appreciate any suggestion you may have to fix this problem for me. Thanks Gordon I’m running Windows 7 on my computer. For the last few weeks, when trying to print from pages in Internet Explorer, all I get is a blank page with the following error message (or something similar to it) across the bottom of the page. File:///Users/GORDON~1/AppData/Local/Temp/Low/KIHDDsY2 .htm The rest of the page is blank. If I reboot my computer, it then prints okay for a short while but then, before long, it’s back to the same thing. The problem started suddenly but I can’t seem to get it to go away!! Gordon Dear Gordon Try using a modern browser like Chrome. I ditched IE 4 or 5 years ago. It is not needed. That problem will go away when you uninstall IE. Install Chrome or FireFox first and transfer your bookmarks. Using CrapCleaner might help a bit, just like rebooting does. However, that is not a fix or repair either. Trying to browse to that link will probably not reveal anything useful. Just import all your bookmarks to a better browser, then uninstall IE. Some Microsoft shills tried to scare me that I would need IE for updates. Not true at all. Windows updates just fine with Chrome. Even Microsoft dumped IE. On W10 they use a totally new browser, that doesn't have the problems of IE. For W7 I highly recommend Chrome. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. The attorney asked:"Was the deceased in the habit of talking to herself when she was alone?" "I don't know," said Kelly. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "This might be a bit too logical for somebody like you, but in truth, whenever Georgina was alone, she was alone because I was not with her." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How do you fix a scratched glass top stove? I scratched it by shaking the pop corn pan (duh)! Barbara from St Cloud, FL I joined this site just to give you this gem! I did the same on our week old stove that my hubby was craving. Try baking soda on a damp cloth. Once you buff all of the soda off it is as close to new as you are gonna get! I was impressed! Good luck! By katie Rinda [1 Comment] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Old Andrzej was a minister in a small Polish town. He had always been a good man and lived by the Bible. One day God decided to reward him, with the answer to any three questions Andrzej would like to ask. Old Andrzej did not need much time to consider, and the first question was: "Will there ever be married Catholic priests?" God promptly replied: "Not in your life-time." Andrzej thought for a while, and then came up with the second question: "what about female priests then, will we have that one day?" Again God had to disappoint Old Andrzej: "Not in your life-time, I'm afraid." Andrzej was sorry to hear that, and he decided to drop the subject. After having though for a while, he asked the last question: "Will there ever be another Polish pope?" God answered quickly and with a firm voice, "Not in My life time." ___________________________________________________
A better link: A beautiful trip
____________________________________________________ Some People Live Each Day As If It's The First Day Of The Rest Of April. A Bonehead Award went to a bunch of April Fools in St. Georges, Utah in 2003 Cedar City, Utah, mayor Gerald R. Sherratt, to advertise the upcoming April 1st Himmeslk festival in the city, made up a story for a newspaper advertisement, all in the April 1st spirit, explaining that the city recently discovered ancient Viking artifacts in a nearby cave. And that the artifacts ended up in the city owing to the area having once been part of a South Pacific island that became unhinged by earthquakes and tsunamis and eventually floated all the way over to Cedar City, Utah. And the story finally ends by saying that had the U.S. government not only erased all evidence of the area's history, the U.S. government would owe descendents of King Blodosk, the then Viking king, $88.7 billion. Obviously far-fetched, you say? So, what do you think happened next? Cedar City began getting calls and letters from some people in St.Georges, Utah, claiming to be descendents of King Blodosk, and laying claim to the imaginary treasures in the imaginary cave in the imaginary land. Mayor Sherratt's exasperated explanation that he made the whole thing up to promote the festival has only been met with counter claims that the he and other officials are doing a cover-up. No doubt the lawsuits will be real, but unbelievable. Does anybody have an update on that? ____________________________________________________ "Squawks" are problem listings that pilots generally leave for maintenance crews to fix before the next flight. Here are some squawks submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews: (P)=PROBLEM (S)=SOLUTION (P) Left inside main tire almost needs replacement (S) Almost replaced left inside main tire (P) Test flight OK, except autoland very rough (S) Autoland not installed on this aircraft (P) #2 Propeller seeping prop fluid (S) #2 Propeller seepage normal - #1 #3 and #4 propellers lack normal seepage (P) Something loose in cockpit (S) Something tightened in cockpit (P) Evidence of leak on right main landing gear (S) Evidence removed (P) DME volume unbelievably loud (S) Volume set to more believable level (P) IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) inoperative (S) IFF always inoperative in OFF mode (P) IFF (Identification Friend or Foe) still inoperative (S) No Foes around here during hunting season. (P) Number three engine missing (S) Engine found on right wing after brief search (P) Target Radar hums (S) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics ____________________________________________________
Riveting images of the most natural wonders on the planet.

Today on June 10
1776 The Continental Congress appointed a committee to
write a Declaration of Independence.
1793 The Jardin des Plantes zoo opened in Paris. It was
the  first public zoo.
1801 The North African State of Tripoli declared war on
the U.S.  The dispute was over merchant vessels being
able to travel  safely through the Mediterranean.
1898 U.S. Marines landed in Cuba during Spanish-American
War.
1902 The "outlook" or "see-through" envelope was
patented  by Americus F. Callahan.
1909 The SOS distress signal was used for the first
time.  The Cunard liner SS Slavonia used the signal when
it wrecked off the Azores.
1916 Mecca, under control of the Turks, fell to the
Arabs during the Great Arab Revolt.
1920 The Republican convention in Chicago endorsed woman
 suffrage.
1925 The state of Tennessee adopted a new biology text
book that denied the theory of evolution.
1935 Alcoholic Anonymous was founded by William G.
Wilson  and Dr. Robert Smith.
1940 Italy declared war on France and Britain. In
addition, Canada declared war on Italy.
1943 Laszlo Biro patented his ballpoint pen. Biro was a 
 Hungarian journalist.
1943 The Allies began bombing Germany around the clock.
1946 Italy established a republic replacing its
monarchy.
1948 Chuck Yeager, first American to exceeded the speed
of sound in the Bell XS-1.
1954 General Motors announced the gas turbine bus had 
 been produced successfully.
1967 Israel and Syria agreed to a cease-fire that ended 
 the Six-Day War.
1971 The U.S. ended a 21-year trade embargo of China.
1984 The U.S. Army successfully tested an antiballistic
missile.
1984 The United States and the Vatican established full 
 diplomatic relations for the first time in 117 years.
1985 The Israeli army pulled out of Lebanon after 1,099
days.
1993 It was announced by scientists that genetic
material was extracted from an insect that lived when
dinosaurs roamed the Earth.
1994 U.S. President Clinton intensified sanctions
against Haiti's military leaders. U.S. commercial air
travel was suspended along with most financial
transactions between Haiti and the U.S.
1996 Britain and Ireland opened Northern Ireland peace
talks. The IRA's political arm Sinn Fein was excluded.
1998 The Wisconsin Supreme Court ruled that poor
children in Milwaukee could attend religious schools at
taxpayer expense.
2016  smiled.


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When you can't use email 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, June 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
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Today's International Bonehead Award: Irish jockey gets drunk, steals car and crashes into the woman he's going to meet for their first date, at 87 mph. Gets 21 months in jail. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 9, in 1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the river he named Saint Lawrence. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ When we ask for advice, we are usually looking for an accomplice. --- Marquis de la Grange The sad truth is that excellence makes people nervous. --- Shana Alexander _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jean is a very nervous flyer. During a trip with AA lately it didn't help that her connecting flight from Denver was delayed twice because of mechanical problems. Then, after they were aloft, Jean noticed the lights began flickering. She mentioned this to a flight attendant. "I'll take care of it," the elderly stewardess said. Moments later the lights went out. Clearly she'd solved the problem by turning off the lights. A passenger across the aisle who had been listening leaned over and said, "Whatever you do, please don't ask about the engines."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
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As a professional clown, John entertains groups at parties and company picnics. Once, an inebriated guest began heckling him in the middle of a performance, disrupting his act. Trying to ignore him wasn't working, so he used a different tactic. Slipping his arm around his shoulder, John looked him in the eye and said, "Mister, I get paid to dress up and make a fool of myself - what's your excuse?" ______________________________________________________ A housewife with four young daughters was getting dinner ready when the phone rang. The six-year-old picked it up and said, "Hi, Daddy!" and began telling him about her day. She then passed the phone to her next older sister as was the custom whenever Daddy called from work. When it was finally the wife's turn to talk she took the receiver and said, "Hi, hon." "Thank goodness, lady," the voice on the other end replied. "I just called to tell you that the wallpaper you ordered is here, but those girls think the phone goes one way only!" ______________________________________________________ Gender neutral Bathroom, West Virginia ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Irish jockey gets drunk, steals car and crashes into the woman he's going to meet for their first date at 87 mph. Gets 21 months in jail. Trevor Woodside, 33, Castleview, Killyleagh, Ireland Trevor Woodside (33), was told by a judge at Downpatrick Crown Court, sitting in Newtownards, that it was an "appalling piece of driving'' which had left his victim with "significant long term injuries" both physically and psychologically sick when she discovered who the driver of the other vehicle was. Following the head-on collision, the court heard, the Volkswagen Golf of the victim spun around on the road before careering down a bank and into trees. Such was the force of the impact that the engine of VW Golf car was dislodged onto the road. The driver of the stolen black mercedes was Trevor Woodside and the female driver of the Volkswagen had been on her way to meet him. He was conscious and was complaining of a back injury. He had been drinking and he had no licence,'' said Mr Magee. The court also heard that when the car was examined, the speedometer of the Mercedes car was "frozen''at a speed of between 75-80 mph. The driver of the Volkswagen Golf was knocked unconscious. She was freed from the vehicle and taken to hospital. She underwent open surgery to address her right foot and had a plate inserted. She also sustained an injury to her chest and had a drain inserted into her chest. She had skin grafts to her foot and further surgery will be required to her foot. She spent two weeks in hospital. More at Belfast telegraph ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mina RE: When you can't use email Dear Webby, I hope you don't mind too much if I write you even though I know my computer is infected. I know you are properly protected. My computer came with what I thought was good anti virus utilities, but even though it is only a few months old and has updated the virus stuff regularly, it got infected anyway. I need to write to my dad to come and clean it up for me and install better virus protection, but I don't dare writing him from an infected computer. I can't call him at work, and at home he's always on-line and I can't call him there either. What else can I do ? Mina Dear Mina Dear Mina Just send him a nice Internet post card ! Go to http://angelwinks.net, pick out a nice Father's Day card or any of the thousands of free postcards, and send it to him. You can tell him about the virus problem on that card, or tell him another card will follow and write about it in that one. Internet Postcards are perfectly safe. They can not transfer anything more malicious than bad spelling. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The elementary school teacher was trying impress upon the seventh-grade history class how Native Americans must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," said she, "if someone showed up on your doorstep, who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd figure it was my sister's date. They are all weird." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Mango Lime Bars By attosa [210 Posts, 494 Comments] It's mango season! I keep bumping into mango sales so I thought it's time to come up with something new. These mango lime bars are a lot like lemon bars, but less gooey, more pillowy, and of course, more mango-y! The base is a butter shortbread that will melt in your mouth, but still hold up the custardy topping. You will love these. If you prefer super tart, go with two limes instead of one; the consistency will still hold up. Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 16 barsMango Lime Bars Ingredients: Crust 1 1/4 cup all purpose flour 1/4 tsp salt 1/4 cup sugar 1/3 cup cold butter, cut into little squares Filling 3/4 cup sugar 3 Tbsp all purpose flour 2 large eggs 2 large mangoes 1 medium lime (2 if you like tart) 2 Tbsp powdered sugar (optional, for top) Steps: Preheat oven to 350 F. Lightly grease a 9x9" baking dish. (I've been successful with other sizes and pan types making bars). In a bowl, combine flour, salt, and sugar. Mix well. Cut the cold little squares of butter into the flour mixture. I just quickly squeeze them by hand until the consistency is like coarse sand. You could also use a food processor or two knives. Mango Lime BarsMango Lime Bars Dump into prepared baking dish and press firmly into an even layer. Bake for about 15 minutes at 350 F, until set at the edges. While the crust is baking, prepare the mango lime top. Peel and pit the mangoes and puree in a blender or food processor. In a bowl, whisk together sugar and flour. Beat in the eggs. Zest your lime(s) into the egg mixture, then squeeze in its juice. Mango Lime BarsMango Lime Bars Add mango puree. Mix well. Pour the mango lime filling over the hot crust when it's done baking. Spread evenly. Return baking dish to the 350 F oven and bake for 20-25 minutes, until the filling is set. Cool complete. Dust with powdered sugar, if desired. Cut into bars. Store bars in refrigerator. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss." answered the clerk. ___________________________________________________
A beautiful trip
____________________________________________________ Slash, a well-known murderer, had been on death row for nearly 20 years. During that time, he had befriended the Warden. Now, the Warden still had a job to do, but that didn't stop him from treatin' Slash special from time to time. A week before Slash was to go to the electric chair, the Warden asked Slash if there was anything special he would like. Slash thought for a bit and said he would like the Warden to contact his wife and have her make meatloaf for him the rest of his life (which by this time, was short). Of course, the Warden complied and each day, Slash sat down and had a big feed of his wife's meatloaf. The night before the big day, another prisoner was allowed to visit Slash and asked him. "Aren't you afraid of dying tomorrow?" Slash answered' "I ain't gonna die tomorrow." The other prisoner then said, "but tomorrow is Friday and we all know, that's the day they're sendin' you to the electric chair." "Don't matter," said Slash, "if this meatloaf can't kill me, nothin' can." ____________________________________________________ During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this dime into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out.

"No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you would have asked for MY dime before you dropped it in." ____________________________________________________
Playing with bubbles.world.

Today on June 9
1064 Coimbra, Portugal fell to Ferdinand, the King of
Castile.
1534 Jacques Cartier became the first to sail into the
river he named Saint Lawrence.
1790 Civil war broke out in Martinique.
1923 Bulgaria’s government was overthrown by the
military.
1934 Donald Duck made his debut in the Silly Symphonies 
 cartoon "The Wise Little Hen."
1940 Norway surrendered to the Nazis during World War
II.
1945 Japanese Premier Kantaro Suzuki declared that Japan
 would fight to the last rather than accept
unconditional surrender.
1959 The first ballistic missile carrying submarine, the
 USS George Washington, was launched.
1978 Leaders of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day
 Saints struck down a 148-year-old policy of excluding 
 black men from the Mormon priesthood.
1985 Thomas Sutherland, an American educator, was
kidnapped in Lebanon. He was not released until November
1991.
1986 The Rogers Commission released a report on the
Challenger disaster. The report explained that the
spacecraft blew up as a result of a failure in a solid
rocket booster joint. Few engineers beieved that BS.
1999 NATO and Yugoslavia signed a peace agreement over
Kosovo. 
2000 Canada and the United States signed a border
security agreement. The agreement called for the
establishment of a joint border-enforcement team.
2016  smiled.


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Spyware vs Virus 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, June 8

>From Bonnie
That IS funny!
I have not heard from Rachael yet, or if I did, maybe I
told her that I don't have a phone, and she believed it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's International Bonehead Award: West Virginia couple arrested for trying to sell her baby Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 8, in 0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Remember that what you believe will depend very much on what you are. --- Noah Porter (1811 - 1892) They sicken of the calm, who knew the storm. --- Dorothy Parker, 'Fair Weather,' Sunset Gun, 1928 Everything that irritates us about others can lead us to an understanding of ourselves. --- Carl Jung _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly man goes into confession and says to the priest, "Father, I'm 80 years old, married, have four kids and 11 grandchildren. Last night I had an affair and made love to an 18-year- old girl. The priest said: "Well, my son, when was the last time you were in confession?" "Never Father, I'm Jewish." "Then why are you telling me?" "I'm telling everybody...."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Leroy was telling his friend Bubba about the date he had the night before, "It was a bummer. She used four letter words all evening. First and last time I take her out!" Bubba exclaimed, "Really? I can't believe you didn't enjoy that." "Guess again," said Leroy, "All night she kept saying 'Quit', 'Stop', and 'Don't!....'" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Judy for this one: Had to send you this true story: My niece has 4 kids and was breast feeding the baby when #3 child, Jack wanted to climb up into her lap. During the process he was using his elbows to push his way up and hit her other breast so she said: 'watch the elbows Jack'. When Grandmother came over later, Jack climbed up into her lap, patted her rather ample bosom and said 'I like your elbows, Grandma'. Needless to say, they will always be elbows to us from now on! Thanks for all the fun you send, Judy ______________________________________________________ Stanton Mountain, Montana ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by West Virginia couple arrested for trying to sell her baby Ashley Harmon Jonathan Flint Layland, West Virginia Ashley Harmon and Jonathan Flint are charged with child neglect after trying to sell Harmon's 3-month-old baby for $500 to $1000. Deputies said the couple showed up at a neighbor's door and tried to get Carolyn Redden to buy the child. She refused, but took the child in to care for her. Redden did not want to show her face on camera, but she spoke to Eyewitness News about her efforts. "Why have a child if you're not going to care for it?" Redden said. "Just because it is hard doesn't mean you give up on a child." The mother ran away leaving the sick baby at Redden's home. The couple left one soiled diaper and a bottle of spoiled milk. "I ran out and got diapers and more bottles for her," Redden said. "She was shaking, clinching her fists, crying and screaming." The baby had diaper rash so badly and was so sick, Redden called 9-1-1. Her call to law enforcement may have saved the child's life. She gave names and descriptions to Fayette County detectives, and they were able to track down the couple and arrest them. Fayette County deputies said Ashley Harmon has two other children she has left in another part of the state. They also said the baby's biological father had nothing to do with this. He did not know where the mother had taken the child. The baby is currently with Child Protective Services. They will decide if the biological father will get stuck with custody. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Billie RE: Viruses and spyware Dear Webby, All this talk about spyware has gotten me worried. I have that Anti-virus program that came with my computer, isn't that enough protection? What is the diff between viruses and spys anyway? All I use the computer for is for email during work and in the evening I browse a bit and download music and the odd game. Should I be concerned ? Billie Dear Billie Yes, Billie, you should be VERY concerned. OK, first the difference between viruses and spies. Viruses spread from one user to many others. Most viruses nowadays don't harm or slow down your system, they just line it up and get it ready for remote control by a spammer or hacker. Spyware does not normally spread horizontally. It comes down to you directly from music, porno and game servers and also from spam. Spyware spies on you, extracts information that can be simply where you shop and what you buy, but it can also include sensitive information like credit card and bank info. Naturally all that snooping around and reporting slows your system down, and the more spyware you have on your machine, the more it slows down. Most of the spies just quietly snoop and don't show any easily detectable signs other than slowing you down. However, some spyware also adds "hotbars" similar to your regular task bar. Others change your modem settings so that every now and then you dial up through a 1-900 pay line. Some hijack your browser's Home Page choice and substitute theirs, others hijack your browser completely and only let you go to sites affiliated with the spies. Almost all spyware takes your addresses and the ones in your address books and sells them to spammers. There is NO spyware that is beneficial to YOU. The most immediately visible result of cleaning all spyware out of your computer is that it speeds up quite remarkably and runs just as fast as it did when it was new. You can get rid of a lot of spyware with Spybot-Search&Destroy. To get rid of viruses I recommend McAfee Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two paramedics were dispatched to check on an elderly man who had become disoriented. They decided to take him to the hospital for evaluation. En route, with siren going, they questioned the man to determine his level of awareness. Leaning close, one asked, "Sir, do you know what we're doing right now?" The old man slowly looked out the ambulance window. "Oh," he replied, "I'd say about 40, maybe 45." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recipe: Two Ingredient Biscuits By Robyn [382 Posts, 763 Comments] These biscuits are made with whipping cream and self rising flour. These are the only two ingredients. Ingredients: 2 cups self-rising flour 1 cup whipping cream Steps: Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Combine flour and cream in a mixing bowl, stirring just until blended. The dough will be a little stiff. Transfer dough to a lightly floured surface and knead 10 times. Roll to 1/2-inch thickness and cut with a 3-inch cutter. Place biscuits close together on a lightly greased baking sheet. Bake 10 minutes. Makes 12 biscuits. ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Gayle for these classics: In 1983, a Mrs. Carson of Lake Kushaqua, N.Y., was laid out in her coffin, presumed dead of heart disease. As mourners watched, she suddenly sat up. Her daughter dropped dead of fright. A man hit by a car in New York in 1977 got up uninjured, but lay back down in front of the car when a bystander told him to pretend he was hurt so he could collect insurance money. The car got bumped, rolled forward and crushed him to death. ___________________________________________________
Danish ad
____________________________________________________ The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine." She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there. Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole." She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *FIVE* shots were mine!" ____________________________________________________ A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife requests the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ____________________________________________________
In the right light and right angle we live in a fantastic fantasy world.

Today on June 8
0452 Italy was invaded by Attila the Hun.
0793 The Vikings raided the Northumbrian coast of
England. 
1786 In New York City, commercial ice cream was
manufactured for the first time.
1861 Tennessee voted to secede from the Union and joined
the Confederacy.
1866 Prussia annexed the region of Holstein.
1869 Ives W. McGaffey received a U.S. patent for the
suction vacuum cleaner.
1904 U.S. Marines landed in Tangiers, Morocco, to protect
 U.S. citizens.
1953 The U.S. Supreme Court outlawed segregated
restaurants in Washington, DC.
1965 U.S. troops in South Vietnam were given orders to
begin fighting offensively.
1967 Israeli airplanes attacked the USS Liberty in the 
 Mediterranean during the 6-Day War between Israel and
its Arab neighbors. 34 U.S. Navy crewmen were killed.
Israel later called the incident a tragic mistake due to
the mis-identification of the ship. The U.S. has never
publicly investigated the incident.
1978 A jury in Clark County, Nevada, ruled that the
"Mormon will," was a forgery. The work was supposedly
written by Howard Hughes.
1987 Fawn Hill began testifying in the Iran-Contra
hearings. She said that she had helped to shred some
documents.
1991 A victory parade was held in Washington, DC, to
honor veterans of the Persian Gulf War.
1995 U.S. Air Force pilot Captain Scott O'Grady was
rescued by U.S. Marines after surviving alone in Bosnia
after his F-16 fighter was shot down on June 2.
1996 China set off an underground nuclear test blast.
1998 Honda agreed to pay $17.1 million for disconnecting
anti-pollution devices in 1.6 million cars.
1998 The space shuttle Discovery pulled away from Mir,
ending America's three-year partnership with Russia.
2004 Nate Olive and Sarah Jones began the first known
continuous hike of the 1,800-mile trail down the U.S.
Pacific Coast. They completed the trek at the U.S.-Mexico
border on September 28.
2016  smiled.


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Strange long distance numbers 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, June 7

Happy 93rd Birthday Navy Chief Jim!

>From Chubs
Voted each day for you and Ophelia using the last e-mail before you 
shot in the eye. It looks like a few others voted too. As I figure
it you gained 57 votes and she received 17 in that time span. Hope
the shots help a longer period.
Have a great day.
Chubs

Dear Chubs
Thanks for voting!
The next set of shots are scheduled for Thursday, July 21.
My left eye is still hurting from last week's shots, 
but the right one is OK.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Peeping Tom Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 7, in 1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. --- William Feather Searching for lost relatives? . . . Annonce you have won the Lottery! They'll show up. --- Socratex _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The personnel office sent this reply: "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
An American tourist in London decided to skip his tour group and explore the city on his own. He wandered around, seeing the sights, and occasionally stopping at a quaint pub to soak up the local culture, chat with the lads, and have a pint of Guinness. After awhile, he found himself in a very high class neighborhood..... big, stately residences... no pubs, no stores, no restaurants, and worst of all... NO PUBLIC RESTROOMS. He really, really had to go, after all those pints of Guinnesss. He found a narrow side street, with high walls surrounding the adjacent buildings and decided to use the wall to solve his problem. As he was unzipping, he was tapped on the shoulder by a London bobbie, who said, "I say, sir, you simply cannot do that here, you know." "I'm very sorry, officer," replied the American, "but I really, really HAVE TO GO, and I just can't find a public restroom." "Ah, yes," said the Bobbie..."Just follow me". He led him to a back "delivery alley", then along a wall to a gate which he opened. "In there," pointed the Bobbie. "Whiz away,... anywhere you want." The fellow entered and found himself in the most beautiful garden he had ever seen -- manicured grass lawns, statuary, fountains, sculptured hedges, and huge beds of gorgeous flowers, all in perfect bloom. Since he had the cop's blessing, he zipped down and unburdened himself and was greatly relieved. As he went back through the gate, he said to the bobbie, "That was really decent of you .... is that "British Hospitality?". "No" replied the Bobbie, with a satisfied smile on his face, "that is the French Embassy ______________________________________________________ Old Ms Molly tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe all the time!" ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Father leaves 10 year old son alone with 2 loaded guns while he goes peeping in the window of his neighbors 18 year old daughter. Chad Michael Rodrigues, 42, Brooksville, Florida A Brooksville father is accused of peering into the bedroom window of a teenage girl Tuesday night while leaving his 10- year-old son home alone with access to two loaded weapons. The incident happened in a neighborhood off of Trillum Boulevard, just east of the Suncoast Parkway. Deputies say Chad Michael Rodrigues, 42, was seen peering into the bedroom window of an 18-year-old girl by a patrol deputy. When Rodrigues was first approached, he apparently concocted a story about searching for a dog he had lost six weeks prior. When deputies didn’t buy that, he admitted he had been looking at the teenage girl, and that it wasn’t the first time. He also admitted, on one occasion, to masturbating as he looked. Following his arrest, deputies discovered Rodrigues had left his 10-year-old son home alone with access to a loaded 12- gauge shotgun and a loaded 9mm pistol. The child told deputies his father takes walks in the middle of the night all the time, and that he often wakes up to find that no one else is home. Rodrigues was charged with five counts of voyeurism and one count of child neglect. He has since posted his $10,000 bond. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Al H RE: Strange long distance numbers Dear Webby The following message came in, warning against dialing phone numbers with certain prefixes -- that those who do so, risk having horrendous charges to their phong bill. Is this truly a danger? Or is it another email hoax? Does anyone know? I'm even leery of calling the AT&T number listed at the end this message. Al H Dear Al That warning is true. Don't call strange Caribbean numbers ! If you have to communicate to there, use email. Every hotel and every hospital there have email, and because even regular calls without scams are extremely expensive there, they all use email. When you get asked to call numbers in spam, remember: Spammers Lie ! So why should you call a lying spammer long distance ? The same with phone messages. Why would you call some telemarkerter long distance ? Just ignore them like you do (or should) ignore the spam. By the way, most phone books have maps in the front with the area codes on them, and you can always dial 0 for the operator and ask her where a certain area code is. Personally, when some stranger calls me and tells me to call some number, I hang up long before they can even say their number. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Scratches from a Toilet This tip is for anyone who has scratches in their toilet (like from a snake, etc.). This is so easy and so inexpensive! Use Comet cleanser, Bar Keeper's Friend, or similar brand and sprinkle into water. I usually sprinkle maybe 1/8 cup. Let sit for several hours. You do not have to scrub or touch it in any way. The scratches will magically disappear. I don't know how, but they do with no effort on your part. I do not know if this works with Soft Scrub or similar products. I have only tried Comet and Bar Keeper's Friend. By Kathy What you think are scratches, are actually just "writings" from metal. Porcellain is harder than any metal you are likely to have around the house. The metal just "writes" on the hard porcellain. Bar Keepers Friend or Weimans or Hydrochloric Acid dissolves the writing and leaves smooth porcellain. By the way, those cleaners are safe for a septic tank. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A mother was preparing pancakes for her 2 sons, the older 5 and the younger 4 years old. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here," she said, "he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, I'll be pious, I'll let you be Jesus!" ___________________________________________________
Matilda's dance
____________________________________________________ Mike was explaining to Judy about when he'd been a kid he fell through the ice on the pond. He went all the way under. Several panicked minuted passed when Mike couldn't find the hole get out and he was running out of air quickly. Judi put her hand to her mouth and said, "Oh my God, did you get out??" ____________________________________________________ A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to connect the phone." ____________________________________________________
In the right light and right angle we live in a fantastic fantasy world.

Today on June 7
1494 Spain and Portugal divided the new lands they had 
 discovered between themselves.
1498 Christopher Columbus left on his third voyage of 
 exploration.
1654 Louis XIV was crowned king of France.
1712 The Pennsylvania Assembly banned the importation of 
 slaves.
1775 The United Colonies changed their name to the United States.
1776 Richard Henry Lee of Virginia proposed to the Continental 
Congress a resolution calling for a Declaration 
of Independence.
1863 Mexico City was captured by French troops.
1892 J.F. Palmer patented the cord bicycle tire.
1900 Boxer rebels cut the rail links between Peking and 
 Tientsin in China.
1903 Professor Pierre Curie revealed the discovery of Polonium.
1929 The sovereign state of Vatican City came into existence 
 as copies of the Lateran Treaty were exchanged in Rome.
1932 Over 7,000 war veterans marched on Washington, DC, 
 demanding their bonuses.
1939 King George VI and his wife, Queen Elizabeth, arrived 
 in the U.S. It was the first visit to the U.S. by a 
 reigning British monarch.
1942 The Battle of Midway ended. The sea and air battle lasted 
 4 days. Japan lost four carriers, a cruiser, and 292 aircraft, 
 and suffered 2,500 casualties. The U.S. lost the Yorktown, 
 the destroyer USS Hammann, 145 aircraft, and suffered 307 
 casualties.
1942 Japan landed troops on the islands of Attu and Kiska in 
 the Aleutians. The U.S. invaded and recaptured the Alutians 
 one year later.
1944 Off of the coast of Normandy, France, the Susan B. Anthony 
 sank. All 2,689 people aboard survived.
1948 The Communists completed their takeover of Czechoslovakia.
1966 Sony Corporation unveiled its brand new consumer home 
videotape recorder. The black and white only unit sold for $995.
1965 In the U.S., the Gemini 4 mission was completed. The mission 
 featured the first spacewalk by an American.
1968 In Operation Swift Saber, U.S. Marines swept an area 10 miles 
 northwest of Danang in South Vietnam.
1981 Israeli F-16 fighter-bombers destroyed Iraq’s only 
 nuclear reactor.
1983 The U.S. ordered Nicaragua to close all six of its consulates 
 and informed 21 Nicaraguan consular officials that they could 
 no longer remain in the U.S.
2000 U.S. Federal Judge Thomas Penfield Jackson ordered the 
 breakup of Microsoft Corporation. Microsoft appealed.
2016  smiled.


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AudioGrabber 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, June 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to a woman in Santa Ana who changed her appearance after a deadly hit and run. Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 6, in Today, in 1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied Canadian, American and British troops were involved. Thanks to those brave troops we have a Free Enterprise system, instead of what Hitler wanted. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Silence is one of the hardest arguments to refute. --- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885) In science one tries to tell people, in such a way as to be understood by everyone, something that no one ever knew before. But in poetry, it's the exact opposite. --- Paul Dirac (1902 - 1984) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Daffinitions: SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings for half an hour. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority have no idea what happened. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
As a distinguished matron approached the church entrance, a little boy stepped aside and held the door for her. "What a polite little doorman," she said as she walked through. "Is there a tip involved?" "Oh, no," answered the young man. "My mother taught me never to be good for money, but always to be good for nothing." ______________________________________________________ Paul and his wife Lorna had moved to Arizona and were experienceing their first real heat wave. "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," complained Paul as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "They'd probably think that I married you for your money." ______________________________________________________ Mother's Dream! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Police detain woman in Santa Ana hit and run, say she changed her appearance Tracy Clapp, 36, Santa Ana, California A woman who police say hit a 26-year-old man with her car and fled after seeing him injured was taken into custody, authorities announced Sunday. Police said Tracy Clapp, 36, of Santa Ana was detained on Saturday night after a chase in a stolen car and an altercation with officers. She looked much different when she was detained than when she was spotted at the crime scene, police said at a news conference. She apparently tried to conceal her identity by wearing blue contact lenses, dyeing her hair bright pink and getting a face tattoo, said Santa Ana Cpl. Matt Wharton. Clapp was in the hospital recovering from the tussle with officers and a police dog bite, and was expected to be booked on Sunday night on suspicion of several crimes stemming from both the hit and run and the struggle with authorities, including vehicular manslaughter, felony hit and run and assault on a police officer. The announcement comes after authorities and family members appealed to the public for help finding the woman who ran a red light before hitting and severely injuring Christopher Chavez of Santa Ana. Chavez was walking in a crosswalk at Bristol Street and Central Ave. with the right of way to eat at a nearby Denny’s restaurant when he was struck on April 20 at around 2:15 a.m. Police said a woman -- in a black, BMW sedan with paper license plates -- stopped at the scene and walked up to the victim, but then drove off. Chavez was taken to Orange County Global Medical Center with serious injuries and was later declared brain-dead. A witness took a photo of her before she left. With the help of police, they offered a $20,000 reward for anyone who would help them identify the woman who fled the scene. After the family and police appealed to the public, tips came pouring in to investigators. Chavez, a drum line instructor at Saddleback High School in Santa Ana, was studying to become an emergency medical technician at Orange Coast Community College. His family was notified Saturday shortly after the 7 p.m. arrest. They met with news reporters Sunday morning outside police department headquarters. Wharton said the woman has an extensive criminal history. It was “apparent” that she knew police were looking for her, he said. On Saturday night she was traced to an area of southeast Santa Ana, where police saw her exit a house and get into a stolen car. They tried to pull her over, Wharton said, but she kept going. She fled on foot but officers confronted her and took her into custody after a scuffle and a police canine bit her arm. The dog didn't like her either. As for the $20,000 reward offered in exchange for finding the woman, Wharton said no one has been interested in the money. “There is no one interested in the reward at this time. They were just interested in leading us to her.” Chavez’s family had told the public they would be donating his organs to help others. On Sunday, they confirmed that is what happened. “It’s what he would have wanted to do,” his sister Rachel Chavez said. “Christopher will live on in other people.” ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank RE: Audiograbber Dear Webby It won't help with burning the audio cd but to ensure a good audio rip I found Audiograbber to be very good. I even paid for it before it went free (as it now is). You can find it at http://www.audiograbber.org/ Hope your eyes are better. Cheers Frank Thanks Frank! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A customer wanted to ask his attractive waitress for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and blurted out his invitation. To his amazement she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me all this time? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress," I thought you wanted more coffee, and I didn't feel like making another pot this close to the end of my shift." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Tube for Tong Storage By Harlean [142 Posts, 432 Comments] I never used my tongs because they took up too much storage space and were always tangled into everything else in my cabinet drawer. Then I discovered that they fit perfectly in a paper towel roller. Just hold them together and slide them inside the cardboard roller, and they lie neatly in the drawer. By Harlean from Arkansas from Hot Springs, AR ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ City Boy: Say, Dad, how many types of milk are there? Father: Well, there's evaporated milk, buttermilk, malted milk, and ..... --but why do you ask? City Boy: Oh, I'm drawing a picture of a cow, and I want to know how many "spigots" to put on it. ___________________________________________________
abandoned places
____________________________________________________ At a fancy reception a young man was asked by a widow to guess her age. "You must have some idea," she urged when he hesitated. "I have several ideas," he admitted with a smile, "the trouble is that I don't know whether to make it ten years younger because of your looks or ten years older because of your wisdom." ____________________________________________________ A story about the pilot ground school (not good enough for here) got me thinking about my first skydiving instructor. During class he would take time to anwser any of our stupid First Timer Questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan anwsered: "Lots of time. The whole rest of your life." ____________________________________________________
Let's go back to 2014 and the top 25 pictures of the day.

Today on June 6
1674 Sivaji crowned himself King of India.
1813 The U.S. invasion of Canada was halted at 
 Stony Creek, Ontario.
1882 The first electric iron was patented by H.W. Seely.
1924 The German Reichtag accepted the Dawes Plan. It was 
 an American plan to help Germany pay off its war debts.
1925 Chrysler Corporation was founded by Walter Percy Chrysler.
1932 In the U.S., the first federal tax on gasoline went into 
 effect. It was a penny per gallon.
1933 In Camden, NJ, the first drive-in movie theater opened.
1936 The first helicopter was tested in a building in Berlin, Germany.
1941 The U.S. government authorized the seizure of foreign 
ships in U.S. ports.
1942 The first nylon parachute jump was made by Adeline Gray 
 in Hartford, CT.
1944 The D-Day invasion of Europe took place on the beaches 
 of Normandy, France. 400,000 Allied American, British and 
 Canadian troops were involved.
1968 U.S. Senator Robert F. Kennedy died at 1:44am in Los 
 Angeles after being shot by Sirhan Sirhan. Kennedy was was 
 shot the evening before while campaigning for the Democratic 
 presidential nomination.
1982 Israel invaded southern Lebanon in an effort to drive 
 PLO guerrillas out of Beirut.
1985 The U.S. Senate authorized nonmilitary aid to the Contras. 
 The vote authorized $38 million over two years.
1993 Mongolia held its first direct presidential elections.
2005 The United States Supreme Court ruled that federal 
 authorities could prosecute sick people who smoke marijuana 
 on doctor's orders. The ruling concluded that state medical 
 marijuana laws did not protect users from the federal ban.
2016  smiled.


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CD ripping on XP 




Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, June 2

Today I have to go to  Calgary for injections into 
my eyeballs. There won't be any newsletters sent out on
June 3, 4 and 5.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Today's Bonehead Award goes to Maryland arsonist gets 55 years Details at Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, June 2, in 1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted. More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Eunice went to the dentist the other day. It was discovered that she had a cavity that would have to be filled. "Now, Eunice," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like?" Without hesitation Eunice replied, "Chocolate, please."
http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" "I am", she told the clerk, "but my husband was in such deep shock about it, that they buried him instead of me." "Well, if you are deceased," the teller muttered, "you can't have a bank account and it goes to him. But if he is buried, he can't sign the checks!" "That's OK", my sister told her, "they take VISA anywhere. I'll be responsible for the checks, and you can send the VISA bills to him." ______________________________________________________ Kim was telling her friend how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog." ______________________________________________________ Mount Saint Michel, Normandy, France ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Maryland arsonist gets 55 years A 26-year-old Pasadena man, dubbed the "fire selfie" arsonist, was sentenced Friday to 55 years in jail for intentionally setting fire in 2015 to a home with three people inside of it. Justin Michael Clum was sentenced a little less than four months after he pleaded guilty to 25 counts associated with the crime, including attempted first-degree murder, first- degree arson and first-degree assault. "Mr. Clum's intentional and reckless actions in his attempt to kill one intended victim, almost killed another man, woman and child as they slept," said Wes Adams, Anne Arundel County state's attorney, said in a statement. "His actions also put 23 of our first responders in harm's way as they battled this blaze in the middle of the night." Prosecutors said that early in the morning of July 17, 2015, Clum and his girlfriend were drinking vodka on a community pier when Clum learned of a past sexual relationship between his girlfriend and another man. Clum then went and got some gasoline and drove to the man's home with his girlfriend. He poured gasoline on the front porch and set the home on fire, intending to kill the man. However the intended victim, who rented a room in the house on Wendover Road in Glen Burnie, was not home at the time of the fire. Prosecutors said three people were inside at the fire of the fire: homeowners Sandra and Brian Deal and their teen-aged daughter. All three were able to escape after the home's smoke alarms gave them warning. Fire officials said it took 23 firefighters about an hour to control the fire. The house was destroyed. Prosecutors said Clum fled the scene but returned the same day to take pictures of the burned property. "Through his willful actions, the defendant put the lives of the occupants of the home, responding firefighters and the public at risk," Anne Arundel County Fire Chief Allan Graves said in a statement. "This sentence reflects the seriousness of his actions and reflects the continued high level of cooperation between the fire department arson investigators and the state's attorney's office." ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella, David RE: Copying CDs on XP Dear Webby [5:33:56 AM] Noellas: Windows Media player will rip a cd - already on XP - very easy to do [5:34:05 AM] Noella: I use it all the time [5:34:35 AM] Dear Webby: OK, will tell her if she writes back [5:35:25 AM] Noella: there's a tab - JUST for ripping, she can choose which tracks to rip. If there is only one track, she'll have to rip the whole thing and then use Audacity. --------- For Penne on the tracks of her CD being in improper order, the program is organizing under another protocol...likely alphabetical...and is best (IMHO) solved by renaming each track with numbers (01, 02, etc) in front of the track name. I use this method and it works well. (Cautioning of course on the illegality of copying discs with a copyright.) David Thanks Noella! Thanks David! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, "and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me," said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first woman's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Berry Slab Pie By lalala... [747 Posts, 100 Comments] Yield: 24 pieces Ingredients: 1 box refrigerated pie crusts, room temperature 2 (8 oz.) packages cream cheese, softened 2/3 cup sugar 1 Tbsp milk 6-7 cups assorted fresh berries (sliced strawberries, blackberries, blueberries, raspberries) 1 - 1 1/2 cup strawberry glaze Steps: Preheat oven to 450 degrees F. Remove softened pie crust from packaging. Unroll the crusts onto a lightly floured surface, stacking the crusts on top of each other. Use a rolling pin to roll them out into a 17 x 12 inch rectangle. Lay the curst onto an ungreased 15 x 10 x 1 inch pan. Press the crust into the corners of the pan and fold over any extra, even with the edge of the pan. Crimp edges and prick the crust with a fork. Berry Slab PieBerry Slab Pie Bake 10-12 minutes or until golden brown. Remove from oven and cool completely. Berry Slab PieBerry Slab Pie In a medium bowl, combine cream cheese, sugar, and milk. Mix until smooth. Spread cream cheese mixture onto crust and chill for 1 hour in refrigerator. Rinse and slice berries. Then gently dry them. Berry Slab PieBerry Slab PieBerry Slab PieBerry Slab PieBerry Slab Pie Place berries into a large bowl, add strawberry glaze, and gently stir to coat berries. Spoon berry mixure onto cream cheese topping. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve. Note: I suggest serving it fairly quickly, as the crust gets soggy after a while. Source: Pillsbury ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "I have to tell the truth," a young man said to his new girlfriend. "While we've been dating, I've been secretly seeing a psychiatrist." "Don't worry about it," the girl told her boyfriend. "I've been secretly seeing a lawyer and a car salesman." ___________________________________________________
It's not about the nail
____________________________________________________ The new teacher advised the class to start the day with the pledge of allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When his eyes fell on Johnny, he noticed Johnny's hand over the right cheek of his buttocks. "Johnny, I will not continue 'til you put your hand over your heart." Johnny replied, "It IS over my heart." After several attempts to get Johnny to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and MY Grandma wouldn't lie." ____________________________________________________ Here is a real classic from the Humor letter in the days of Windows NT Here is a real classic: After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer. Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply. Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files. Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it. Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command. For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded: Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented command that should fix the problem. Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just add the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' at the end of the autoexec.nt file and everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes. About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer. Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking. Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using? Customer: Windows NT Technician: Well, that's your problem. That version of Windows doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out. When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again. Customer: I need a new power supply. Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply. Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with NOSMOKE. ____________________________________________________
Native American trail markers.

Today on June 2
1537 Pope Paul III banned the enslavement of Indians.
1774 The Quartering Act, which required American colonists 
to allow British soldiers into their houses, was reenacted.
1793 Maximillian Robespierre initiated the "Reign of Terror". 
 It was an effort to purge those suspected of treason 
 against the French Republic.
1851 Maine became the first U.S. state to enact a law 
 prohibiting alcohol.
1883 The first baseball game under electric lights was 
 played in Fort Wayne, Indiana.
1896 Guglieimo Marconi's radio was patented in the U.S.
1897 Mark Twain, at age 61, was quoted by the New York 
 Journal as saying "the report of my death was an 
 exaggeration." He was responding to the rumors that 
 he had died.
1924 All American Indians were granted U.S. citizenship 
 by the U.S. Congress.
1928 Nationalist Chiang Kai-shek captured Peking, China.
1933 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt accepted the 
first swimming pool to be built inside the White House.
1946 Italians voted by referendum to form a republic 
 instead of a monarchy.
1953 Elizabeth was crowned queen of England at 
 Westminster Abbey.
1954 U.S. Senator Joseph McCarthy charged that there 
 were communists working in the CIA and atomic weapons plants.
1966 Surveyor 1, the U.S. space probe, landed on the moon and 
 started sending photographs back to Earth of the Moon's 
 surface. It was the first soft landing on the Moon.
1969 Australian aircraft carrier Melbourne sliced the 
 destroyer USS Frank E. Evans in half off the shore of 
 South Vietnam.
1979 Pope John Paul II arrived in his native Poland on 
 the first visit by a pope to a Communist country.
1995 Captain Scott F. O'Grady's U.S. Air Force F-16C 
 was shot down by Bosnian Serbs. He was rescued six days later.
1998 Royal Caribbean Cruises agreed to pay $9 million to settle 
 charges of dumping waste at sea.
1998 Voters in California passed Proposition 227. The act 
 abolished the state's 30-year-old bilingual education 
program by requiring that all children be taught in English.
2003 In Seville, Spain, a chest containing the supposed
remains of Christopher Columbus were exhumed for DNA tests to
determine  whether the bones were really those of the
explorer. The tests were aimed at determining if Colombus was
currently buried in Spain's Seville Cathedral or in Santo
Domingo in the Dominican Republic.
2016  smiled.


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