Tape to DVD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 31

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed 
a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel
Today, July 31 in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
Western Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen. The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!" ______________________________________________________ Double _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tevin Quayshawn Williams, 19, Charlotte, North Carolina NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel A couple who was visiting Charlotte were reportedly kidnapped, robbed and sexually assaulted by a teenager who was later arrested, according to Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police. Police say the couple was returning to their hotel in uptown Charlotte early Thursday morning and was walking along the 200 block of E. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard when they were approached by a man with a gun. That man, later identified as 19-year-old Tevin Quayshawn Williams, then forced the couple into an alley, bound the man and sexually assaulted the woman. He then reportedly robbed the couple and ran from the scene. He reportedly took their clothes, cellphones and wallets when he left. The couple, according to police, were able to run to a nearby hotel and call 911. Officers say they were able to provide a “very detailed” description of the man. Officers in the area began searching for the man with the police helicopter and K9 units. They later spotted him near Trade and Tryon streets in uptown Charlotte and say he appeared to be trying to avoid officers. He was arrested around 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning. Williams was charged with two counts of first-degree rape, three counts of first-degree sex offense, two counts of first-degree kidnapping, two counts of armed robbery, and possession of a stolen firearm. Arrest records show he was also charged with trespassing, resisting arrest, and urinating in public. Investigators say Williams was recently released from prison on a string of robberies from 2015. Just days ago police investigated a murder at an apartment in uptown. The CMPD offered a piece of advice for anyone traveling throughout the city. “Anytime you’re anywhere walking around at night you should always be aware of your surroundings and that goes without saying,” said Capt. Dave Johnson. Just being aware of the robbers and rapists in Charlotte won't help anybody. Being heavily armed and travelling in large groups might be more helpful. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Laura Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, Thanks for your Humor letters -What a great way to start my day! Since you know so much about computers, I hope you have an answer for this question. I have some old cassette tapes (no longer available for purchase) that I'd like to use my computer to burn onto a CD. Is there an easy way to do this? Thanks, Laura Dear Laura Yes, there sure is. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with google. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Save the music in MP3 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, " I'm going im de odder room do gep my teef!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood and is easy to find in your toolbox. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
A Penny For Your Thoughts
____________________________________________________ An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood- soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!" "Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "just routine shore duty, huh?" ___________________________________________________
Standing above the clouds.
___________________________________________________ Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor yelled: "Next!" You got to be nuts to go to a shrink!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"

Today, on July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western
Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his
process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was
used in fertilizer and gun powder. 

1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was
laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S.
government building. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced
MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a
series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria.

1948 U.S. President Truman helped dedicate New York
International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International
Airport) at Idlewild Field. 

1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the
youngest person to swim the English Channel. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is
known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of
the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a
lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William
R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in the

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 

1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was
a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface. The
craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature length
films sold.

2017  smiled.

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Computer goes onto Standby 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 30

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing
Today, July 30 in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07 Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Dora When my brother was little, he had muscle problems and my parents enrolled him in physical therapy. The therapist would come and work with his legs, often using a large yoga ball. She recommended to my mother that she buy a yoga ball for my brother to use daily. So mom goes to Toys R Us, stops the first little stock boy she sees, who was probably no more than 16, and asks him, "Excuse me, do you have big balls?" I don't know that I've seen anyone turn that color red since! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." ______________________________________________________ Stuck on Sunday _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Sperber, 25, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing A 25-year-old Florida man robbed a Fort Lauderdale bank, stripped naked while fleeing on foot and threw cash into the air in an effort to launch his comedy career, the FBI says. Sperber told the teller he had a gun, pointed his finger at her & stole about $4,700 before his comical flight from the scene Alexander Hayden Sperber has been charged with bank robbery and faces several years in prison, according to court documents from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida. Sperber was arrested near the scene by Fort Lauderdale Police. The incident occurred in broad daylight in busy downtown Fort Lauderdale. He Told the FBI Agent He Woke Up Tuesday Morning & Decided to Rob the Bank to Launch His Career as a Comedian _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I don’t know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie Dear Katie Maybe your computer is hibernating ? Check the power options setting for that. If you have NEVER on that too, then you either have a hard drive problem, or an overheating problem due to too many dust bunnies in the case. Have FUN! DearWebby
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained." The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tater Tot Waffle Cheese and Bacon Sandwich By attosa [374 Posts, 1,793 Comments] Total Time: 12 minutes Yield: 1 huge sandwich that should probably be shared ;) Ingredients: 24 frozen tater tots, thawed 2 slices bacon 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese Steps: Preheat your waffle iron on high. Cut your bacon to fit in the sandwich. If you're using a big round Belgian press, you probably don't need to cut much. Cook them in a pan on both sides until crisp. Drain bacon and set aside. Place the thawed tater tots very close together in an even layer on the waffle iron. Close the lid and press it down. Cook until the tater tot waffle is crisp, about 5 minutes. My waffle maker seems to heat more on one side, so I like to flip them over and cook another few minutes to ensure they're super crisp. On one of the waffles, add half the cheddar cheese. Place cooked bacon on top of cheese. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Place the other waffle on top and press down the top of the iron. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until the cheese has melted. Serve! ____________________________________________________
Pilot lands Harrier Jet on stool when landing gear fails
____________________________________________________ "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________
A machine that prints short stories for you to read while you wait.
___________________________________________________ On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate. The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waitress delivered his drink, the scientist detained her for a moment and asked, "Can you give me an idea why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?" The waitress thought a moment, then said, "I think I can. You see, every morning at 5:30, the C&A Railroad comes through town and blows its big air horns at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up."

Today, on July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 

1619 The first representative assembly in America convened in
Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 

1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile
ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland,

1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the
first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to
use Technicolor. 

1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S.

1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine.
The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima
atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of
1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act
that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the
following year. 

1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted
to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate
investigation and for abuse of power. 

1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the
Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off
the assembly line. 

1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio &
TV Tower. 

1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves
the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was
the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled
off an assembly line. 

2017  smiled.

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Do not call regtistry 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 29

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid 
meth found in her car with 4-year-old
Today, July 29 in
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA.  
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Katie, apparently true occurrence: Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC: There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (twentyish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Syria?" The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your stupid ass, and open it!" ______________________________________________________ Donegal, Ireland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23, Laredo, Texas Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid meth found in her car with 4-year-old A speeding driver’s suspicious behavior during a late night traffic stop tipped off officers that there might be more to the situation that meets the eye, so they called in a sniffer dog. Austin police say their K9 unit, Emma, arrived to the scene in the 5400 block of North Interstate 35 last Wednesday and alerted her handler to the presence of drugs in the vehicle. Officers searched the SUV and found three jugs of Purple Power degreaser. Except, police say those jugs contained about $2 million worth of liquid crystal methamphetamine (about 75 pounds) instead of degreaser. The driver, Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23 of Laredo, was arrested and faces federal drug trafficking charges. Austin police say there was also a 4-year-old in the car as well. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Honor Re: Do Not Call registry Dear Webby, Do you happen to have among your famous facts, the information I need to get on the US 'don't call, don't email' list? I've moved fairly recently and haven't gotten signed up for that on my new numbers and addresses. I hope it isn't too late to do this! I always read your tips...don't always understand them... but some I just print off for future reference, like after I'm smarter! Thanks for all you do for your subscribers! Honor Dear Honor The US DO-NOT-CALL registry is at https://www.donotcall.gov/default.aspx There is no Do-NOT-EMAIL registry. Just use MailWasher, and nuke the mail from the bastids, unseen, like most of us do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every now and then to apologize."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?" ____________________________________________________
When you can walk away from this, you know there's a purpose for your life!
____________________________________________________ A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist. They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. The dog was produced and the manager said, "Fetch the Bible." The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager then said "Find Psalms 23". The dog, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly impressed, the couple purchased the dog. That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?" "Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl. The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief, we've bought a Pentecostal dog!" ___________________________________________________
Being a storm chaser has to be exciting with a big adrenalin rush. Check out some of his other photos.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The surrogate and the photographer The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me." Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." (Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it." The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." Wife - "Oh my goodness!" Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Wife - "She was difficult?" Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on your.....equipment?" Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." Wife - "Tripod?" photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"

Today, on July 29, in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out Jean
Petit from France. 

1773 The first schoolhouse to be located west of the Allegheny
Mountains was built in Schoenbrunn, OH. 

1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S.
patent for the lawn-tennis court. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim
down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure
Island" was released. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance
against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to lift
collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government welcomed
the action and announced its intention to open serious
discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be the
home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker
John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the
Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and he was set

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years
after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against
General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues.

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet
(Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.

2017  smiled.

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"You have won" scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Happy independence Day to Cesar, Gretchen 
and all other friends in Peru!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman arrested for drunken, topless road-rage assault
Today, July 28 in
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for
the standardization of weights and measures throughout the
United States. 
The United States is still the only industrialized country in
the world that does not use the metric system as its predominant
system of measurement, 
except for electricians and scientists. After 150 years the
metric system is creeping in, though. Wine and pop is sold in
metric units, many grocery items have both metric and Imperial
British units printed on them, and while vehicles are still
advertised as so many feet long, below the paint everything is
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If God did not exist, it would be necessary to invent him. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ I went to the store the other day to pick out a new tie for an upcoming wedding (not mine!). I found one that matched my suit but it didn't have a price tag on it. So I asked the clerk, "Hey, buddy, how much is this tie?" He said, "Sixty-five dollars." I said, "What! I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of money." He said, "Maybe, but with your neck, shoes would look silly." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One day at the dry-cleaning shop at Charleston Air Force Base, I overheard a young airman describe in great detail how he wanted his uniform cleaned and pressed. When he finished, the counter clerk asked, "Are you getting an award, or do you have an important military function to attend?" "Nothing like that," the airman said. "I'm going home on leave, and my little brother is taking me to his second-grade class for 'Show-n-Tell.' " ______________________________________________________ He is MINE! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Moe for reporting this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Susan Kettell, 39, Sandwich, Massawhosits Woman arrested for drunken, topless road-rage assault A woman in Massachusetts is facing several felony charges after allegedly waving a dagger at another driver while topless in an apparent drunken road-rage attack. Susan Kettell, 39, of Sandwich, was driving a blue Ford Explorer on Saturday when police received a call from another driver who claimed the woman tried to crash into the victim’s car. Kettell then pulled behind the victim’s vehicle at a red light and began waving a double-edged dagger, the Sandwich Police Department announced Monday. Kettell then allegedly got out of the Explorer and ripped off her shirt before running bare-chested toward the victim’s car while flailing the knife. The caller who contacted police, meanwhile, drove off, police said. Kettell, who police say was intoxicated at the time, was later found and placed under arrest. A male passenger inside her car was also intoxicated and was placed in protective custody, police said. Kettel was charged with operating under the influence, operating on a revoked driver’s license, assault with a dangerous weapon and other charges, police said. No injuries were reported. Sorry, that mugshot is the only picture of Susan Kettell on the web. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Chris Re: "You have won" Dear Webby, I have gotten an e-mail from these people that I had won a prize. I have listed with 'Woman's Day' magazine for things to win. There was nothing in the e-mail about it being from Woman's Day magizine. I'm not sure if I should respond or not. Your information has always been the best so far on the web, can/could you help me with this one. It's isn't that much, but would help out the daughter if it's really true. Thanks again for the jokes/funnies/web help. Hope all is well with you and yours. Chris Dear Chris You may already be a winner, ... yeah sure. Trash it. They all want your address to send spam to you. Some of them even want money to supposedly get your winnings to you. Just trash their scam spam. If you really did win something, they would tell you outright, and not pester you with all kinds of confusion and hype. Have FUN! DearWebby
A newly married sailor was informed by the navy that he was going to be stationed a long way from home on a remote island in the Pacific for a year. A few weeks after he got there he began to miss his new wife, so he wrote her a letter. "My love," he wrote " we are going to be apart for a very long time. Already I'm starting to miss you and there's really not much to do here in the evenings. Besides that we're constantly surrounded by young attractive native girls. Do you think if I had a hobby of some kind I would not be so tempted? " So his wife sent him back a harmonica saying, "why don't you learn to play this?" Eventually his tour of duty came to an end and he rushed back to his wife. "Darling" he said, "I can't wait to get you into bed so that we make passionate love!" "First let's see you play that harmonica!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
drinking helium infused beer
____________________________________________________ A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Oh no," he objected. "Any idiot can open an oyster." ___________________________________________________
Who wouldn't love to have a library like this in their home?
___________________________________________________ A Newfie decides to travel across Canada to see the Pacific Ocean.When he gets to Nanaimo, he likes the place so much that he decides to stay. But first he must find a job. He walks into the MacMillan-Bloedel office and fills out an application as an "Experienced logger." It's his lucky day. They just happen to be looking for someone. But first, the bush foreman takes him for a ride in the bush in the company pickup truck to see how much he knows. The foreman stops the truck on the side of the road and points at a tree. "See that tree over there? I want you to tell me what species it is and how many board feet of lumber it contains." The Newfie promptly answers, "It's a Sitka Spruce and contains 383 board feet of lumber." The foreman is impressed. He puts the truck in motion and stops again about a mile down the road. He points at another tree through the passenger door window. He asks the same question. This time, it's a bigger tree of a different class. "It's a Douglas Fir, it has 690 board feet." says the Newfie. Now the foreman is really impressed. The Newfie has answered quickly and got the answers right without even using a calculator! One more test. They drive a little farther down the road, and the foreman stops again. This time, he points across the road through his driver side window. "And what about that one?" Before the foreman finishes pointing, the Newfie says, "A Yellow cedar,242 board feet." The foreman spins the truck around and heads back to the office. He's a little annoyrf because he thinks that the Newfie is smarter than he is. As they near the office, the foreman stops the truck, and asks the Newfie to step outside. He hands him a piece of chalk and tells him, "See that tree over there. I want you to mark an X on the front of that tree." The foreman thinks to himself, "Idiot! How does he know which is the front of the tree? " When the Newfie reaches the tree, he goes around it in a circle while looking at the ground. He then reaches up and places a white X on the trunk. He comes back to the foreman and hands him the chalk. "That is the front of the tree," the Newfie states. The foreman laughs to himself and asks sarcastically, "How in the heck do you know that's the front of the tree?" The Newfie looks down at his feet, while moving the toe of his left boot clockwise in the gravel, replies, "Cuz someone used the back side for an outhouse." He got the job!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this valuable information: Installing a wireless security system in four easy steps 1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's well used work boots, a really big pair, at least a size 13. 2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of 'Guns and Ammo' magazine. 3. Put a dog dish beside it. A really big dish. 4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammo, be back in 1/2 hour. Don't disturb the Pit Bulls, they've just been wormed and are a bit nasty."

Today, on July 28, in
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for
the standardization of weights and measures throughout the
United States. 

1868 The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was
declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due process of law.

1896 The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated. 

1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World
War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were
demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 

1941 Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House of

1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 

1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York
City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were

1951 The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to

1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban

1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company. 

1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo.

1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution
to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S.
President Clinton. 

2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been
found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the
first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the
Jurassic era.

2017  smiled.

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¸Ransom Pop-Ups 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 27

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Three arrested after striking Boone, IA, 
police chief with vehicle
Today, July 27 in
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports. That did not go over well.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I think that I shall never see a billboard lovely as a tree. Perhaps, unless the billboards fall, I'll never see a tree at all. --- Ogden Nash (1902 - 1971) Ancient Rome declined because it had a Senate; now what's going to happen to us with both a Senate and a House? --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ So the woman calls the town psychiatrist and cries, "Doctor, you've got to come as soon as possible. My husband is in really bad shape!" The shrink rushes over. The worried wife says, "Thank God you are here, doctor. Just go down the hall. He's in the last room on the right." The shrink goes in the room and sees the woman's husband sitting on the edge of the bathtub, dangling a fishline in the toilet. He goes back to the wife and says, "Yes, this is very serious. But why didn't you call me sooner?" "Who had time?" the wife asks. "I've been cleaning fish all week." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ You can generally tell a man's age by the way he reacts to a female's smile. For example: When a teenage girl smiles at a young man, he tries to decide what makes him so sexy. When a young lady smiles at a man in his fifties, he turns around to see the handsome dude behind him. But when a female of any age smiles at a man of 80, he looks down to see if he's unzipped. ______________________________________________________ Just Me _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Erica Shales, 25, of Des Moines, Iowa Craig Collins, 35, of Nevada, Chanel Clark, 32, of Ames, Iowa Three arrested after striking Boone, IA, police chief with vehicle Three people were arrested Monday, after police said that they struck Boone Police Chief John Wiebold with their vehicle while attempting to flee. Erica Shales, 25, of Des Moines, was identified as the driver and charged with eluding, assault on a peace officer with a deadly weapon, possession of a controlled substance, and driving while suspended. She also had a warrant for her arrest out of Polk County Two passengers, Craig Collins, 35, of Nevada, and Chanel Clark, 32, of Ames, were also arrested. Collins was charged with possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Clark was charged with two counts of possession of a controlled substance, and possession of drug paraphernalia. According to the Boone Police Department, officers responded to a report of an assault at the 600 block of Fifth Street around 3 p.m. When officers arrived, they saw a vehicle matching the description of one they were looking for, a silver Dodge Avenger, leaving eastbound from the area. The car traveled to the intersection of Fifth and Story streets where it was stopped because police vehicles were both in front and in back of it, police said. Police said Wiebold got out of his car in an attempt to contact the occupants of the suspect vehicle, at which point Shales accelerated, striking Wiebold before continuing north on Story Street. Wiebold suffered minor injuries and did not require medical treatment. Video shows him getting up and running to his truck. Then the chase was on! According to police, officers then engaged in chase northbound on Story Street and then eastbound on 12th Street at speeds reaching 55 mph, before the car carrying Shales, Collins, and Clark stopped in the 900 block of 12th Street. After stopping, Shales attempted to leave the area on foot but was quickly apprehended, according to police. Chief Wiebold looks like a pro football player. The report does not state who had the most bruises after he tackled Shales. The investigation is continuing. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Barb Re: Pop-Ups Dear Webby, First of all I love your "Humor Letter" and all the advice, pictures, tips, daily history and extra links in it. I need to pick your brain, is there any way to get rid of the pop-ups that pop up on certain websites like newspapers that want you to subscribe to them before you can read their stories or certain sites that want you to subscribe to them. I don't want to subscribe to every "Tom, Dick and Harry" just to read one article that I got to from another website. I know you will know how to handle them. Thanks in advance. Barb Dear Barb For many sites you can use the Google "Poper Blocker" Poper Blocker. It works quite well on the majority of sites, that use hostile pop-ups. However, some sites, like for example National Geogrqaphic, are too sleazy for that, and pop up their ransom demand anyway. You can sometimes get around the ransom demand by turning the Poper Blocker off and using CTRL F4 to close the ransom demand. Sites of large and extremely profitable sites like National Geographic can afford to hire the best programmers to defeat blockers, and newspaper sites quickly copy their tricks. Sometimes all you can do is find an alternate source for what you are looking for, or decide whether what you want to read is worth the demanded ransom. Have FUN! DearWebby
The judge looked at the docket and said, "Good God, man! You're charged with marrying six women. How could you do such a thing?" "Hey, judge, gimme a break," the man replied. "I was only trying to find one good one...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lobster Mac and Cheese By attosa [366 Posts, 1,730 Comments] For special occasions, my husband and I like to order lobster mac and cheese. We've recently realized, as good as it is, it's just not worth $20 for a plate! Here's a recipe for lobster mac and cheese for under $3 a serving. Total Time: 1 hour Yield: 6 Ingredients: 16 oz pasta of choice 2 fresh lobster tails 2 Tbsp butter 1 onion, diced 2 cloves garlic, minced 10 black peppercorns 2 cups milk 4 Tbsp butter 4 Tbsp flour 2 cups Gruyere cheese, shredded 3 cups cheddar cheese, shredded 1 cup grated Parmesan 4 Tbsp breadcrumbs Steps: Fill a large pot with salted water and bring to a rolling boil. Stir in the dry pasta and return to a boil. Cook the pasta uncovered until it is firm to the bite, about 8 minutes. Reserve 2 cups of the hot pasta water, then drain the pasta in a colander set in the sink. Return the pasta water to the large pot and place the lobster tails in the pot, cut-side up. Return the water to a boil, then reduce heat to medium-low, cover, and steam the lobster just until the meat firms and turns opaque, about 3 minutes. Remove the lobster and allow to cool for a few minutes, then remove the meat and cut into bite sized pieces. Reserve the shells. Melt 2 tablespoons of butter in a saucepan over medium heat. Stir in the onion and cook until the onion has softened and turned translucent, about 5 minutes; scrape the onions into a small bowl and set aside. Place the reserved lobster shells, garlic, peppercorns, and milk into the saucepan. Bring to a gentle simmer over medium heat, and cook for 20 minutes. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Melt 4 tablespoons of butter in a saucepan over medium-low heat. Whisk in the flour and stir until the mixture becomes a light golden brown, about 10 minutes. Strain the lobster and milk mixture through a sieve. Gradually whisk the milk into the flour mixture, bring to a simmer over medium heat. Cook and stir until the mixture is thick and smooth, around 10 minutes. Stir the Gruyere and Cheddar cheeses into the thickened milk mixture until melted and smooth. Season to taste with salt and pepper, then stir in the reserved lobster, onions, and pasta. Pour the pasta into a 4 quart casserole and smooth the top. Sprinkle evenly with the breadcrumbs and Parmesan cheese. Bake in the preheated oven until the sauce is bubbly, and the top is golden brown, 8 to 12 minutes. ____________________________________________________
Woob, woob, woob
____________________________________________________ The bank manager was in the final stages of hiring a cashier and was down to two final applicants -- one of which would get the job. The first one interviewed was from a small college in upstate New York. A nice young man, but a bit timid. Then he called for the second man, "Jim Johnson!" Up stepped a burley young man who seemed quite sure of himself. "He looks like he can take care of any situation," thought the manager, and decided, there and then, to hire him. He turned to the first applicant and told him he could go and they would let him know. Turning to Johnson, he said, "Now Jim, I like the way you carry yourself -- that's an important asset for the job as cashier. However, you must be precise. I noticed you did not fill out the place on the application where we asked your formal education." Jim looked a little confused so the manager said, "Where did you get your financial education?" "Oh," replied Jim -- "Yale." "That's very good ... excellent. You're hired!" "Now that you're working for us, what do you prefer to be called?" Jim answered "I don't care... Yim... or Mr. Yonson...." ___________________________________________________
Here's the part of the airplane that no passenger ever gets to see.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for her Italian Pasta Diet: ITALIAN PASTA DIET -- IT REALLY WORKS !! 1.. You walka pasta da bakery. 2.. You walka pasta da candy store. 3.. You walka pasta da Ice Cream shop. 4... You walka pasta da table and fridge. You will losa da weight!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ 1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. 5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans. CONCLUSION Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

Today, on July 27, in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of
France defeated John of England. 

1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they
found him guilty of sacrilege. 

1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports. That did not go over well.

1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the
Battle of Killiecrankie. 

1694 The Bank of England received a royal charter as a
commercial institution. 

1775 Benjamin Rush began his service as the first Surgeon
General of the Continental Army. 

1784 "Courier De L’Amerique" became the first French newspaper
to be published in the United States. It was printed in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1777 The Marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help the
rebellious American colonists fight the British. 

1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in the
first Battle of Ushant. 

1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. It
was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 

1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane
flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in
the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 

1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and
began to disarm Irish rebels. 

1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete
barge and was used to carry oil. 

1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates
announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 

1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros.
animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 

1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 

1947 The World Water Ski Organization was founded in Geneva,

1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was
signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 

1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. With no more need
to feed the allied troops, rationing stopped and all school
kids, including me, got their first hot-dog.

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000
advisers to South Vietnam. 

1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and Advertising
Act was signed into law. The law required health warnings on all
cigarette packages. 

1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to
assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 

1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a
hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 

1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an
$8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 

2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.)
that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used
600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to
trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster"
began in the 6th century. 

2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.

2017  smiled.

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Computer freezes when checking mail 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 26

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested after she tried twice to
run over ex-boyfriend
Today, July 26 in
1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first 
steam turbine propelled ship. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Having passed the enlistment physical, Jon was asked by the doctor, "Why do you want to join the Navy, son?" "My father said it'd be a good idea, sir." "Oh? And what does your father do?" "He's in the Army, sir." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Cookie: Golf is the perfect thing to do on Sunday because you always end up praying a lot. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sheena Gordon, 32, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida woman arrested after she tried twice to run over ex-boyfriend A Fort Lauderdale woman was arrested Monday, a day after she tried to run over her ex-boyfriend with her vehicle, authorities said. Police said the incident was reported shortly after 1 p.m. Sunday at 2309 NW 20th St. Police said Sheena Gordon, 32, got into a verbal argument with her ex, because she was upset that he had moved in with someone else. Authorities said Gordon tried to strike the 35-year-old man with her car, but the victim was able to avoid being struck. Gordon then reversed her car and attempted to strike the man again with the vehicle, police said. Gordon was arrested Monday after being stopped in her car in the 2700 block of Northwest 13th Street. Records showed that Gordon had active warrants issued from the Fort Lauderdale Police Department for unrelated charges of aggravated battery, burglary and criminal mischief, police said. Gordon faces an additional aggravated assault charge for Sunday's incident. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Joyce Re: Computer freezes Dear Webby, When I click on a link in any email my computer freezes. Sometimes I can use Ctrl, Shift, Esc and close out my mail and go on. Other times I have to reboot. I'm running W7, use CCleaner, SpyBot and McAfee (all up to date). Thanks for any help. Look forward every day to your Humor Letter. Joyce Dear Joyce That sounds like you are using Outlook or Outlook Express. Clean out your IN, OUT, SENT and ANSWERED mailboxes, so that there are no more than 10 mails in each, and dump the trash. Everything will work fine after that. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: After watching the movie Cinderella, five-year-old Sarah started using her pinwheel as a magic wand, pretending she was a fairy godmother. "Make three wishes," she told her mother, "and I'll grant them." Her mom first asked for world peace. Sarah swung her wand and proclaimed the request fulfilled. Next, her mother requested for a cure for all ill children. Again, with a sweep of the pinwheel, Sarah obliged. The mother, with a glance down at her rather ample curves, made her third wish, "I wish to have a trim figure again." The miniature fairy godmother started waving her wand madly. Finally, totally exhausted she stopped and sighed: "I'll need more power for this!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gasoline and Diesel Fuel Odors From Clothing Best Answer 1 cup of Simple Green along with detergent and wash in hot or warm water. I found this recipe for getting gasoline and motor grease out of clothes, and it works! You won't see it at your grocery store. If you don't see it at your industrial or commercial suppliers, check for a supplier at http://simplegreen.com/ or for small quantities at Amazon. I have used it since the mid 80's. Oil and fuel soaked coveralls and gloves come out fresh and clean without any smell. It also works great on greasy and grimy electric motors and even on floors. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
The Ocean Is Way Deeper Than You Think!
____________________________________________________ An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Wal-Mart. "Wal-Mart?" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Wal-Mart?" "That way I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week." ___________________________________________________
What beautiful streets in Germany
___________________________________________________ At the end of his freshman year, Steve couldn't get home for his dad's birthday. So he sent hiom a set of inexpensive cuff links and a note reading: "Dear Dad, This is not much, but it's all you could afford."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A Scotsman is visiting a zoo in Edinburgh for the first time. At one cage, he's entranced by what he sees. "An whut animal would that be?" he asks the keeper. "That's a moose from Canada," the zookeeper replies. "A moose?!?" exclaims the Scotsman. "Hoot, mon. They must have rats like elephants over there."

Today, on July 26, in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental
Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General was
Benjamin Franklin. 

1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent
application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 

1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in
Chicago, IL. 

1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
propelled ship. 

1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister. 

1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that
prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and federal

1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup led
by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 

1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista
with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern Cuba.
Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later. 

1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized the Suez

1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 

1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they were
forming a joint venture to combine international operations and
develop a new Internet system. 

1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on
display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on sale
later in 1999. 

2017  smiled.

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Attachments, that won't open 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 25

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested after she duped
85-year-old widower for $300 K, left him bankrupt
Today, July 25 in
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional 
pagan sacrifices. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ And that's the world in a nutshell, an appropriate receptacle. --- Stan Dunn The wages of sin are death, but by the time taxes are taken out, it's just sort of a tired feeling. --- Paula Poundstone People often find it easier to be a result of the past than a cause of the future. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A priest and pastor from the local parishes are standing by the side of the road holding up a sign that reads, "The End is Near! Turn yourself around now before it's too late!" "Leave us alone you religious nuts!" yelled the first driver as he sped by. >From around the curve they heard screeching tires and a big crash. "Do you think," said one clergy to the other, "we should just put up a sign that says, 'Bridge Out' instead?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Over breakfast one morning, a woman said to her husband, "I bet you don't know what day this is." "Of course I do," he indignantly answered. "How could you think I would forget?" Whereupon he left for the office. At 10 AM, the doorbell rang, and when the woman opened the door, she was handed a box containing a dozen long stemmed red roses. At 1 PM, a foil wrapped, two pound box of her favorite chocolates arrived. Later, a boutique delivered a designer dress. The woman couldn't wait for her husband to come home. "First the flowers, then the chocolate and then the dress!" she exclaimed. "I've never had a more wonderful 'Hot Fudge Sundae Day' in all my life!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nancy Guy, 49, Pembroke Pines, Floriduh Florida woman arrested after she duped 85-year-old widower for $300 K, left him bankrupt A 49-year-old woman is accused of defrauding an 85-year-old Pembroke Pines man who was seeking a relationship after the death of his wife, police said. Nancy Guy was arrested Thursday on a first-degree grand theft charge. Woman arrested for trying to run over ex-boyfriend, police say Pembroke Pines police said Guy took more than $300,000 from the man, leaving him bankrupt. According to a Pembroke Pines police report, Guy contacted the man on an online dating website and became involved in a relationship with him. Police said she introduced herself as Anna Miller and told the man, during the course of their relationship, that she needed money to expand her business. Police said Nancy Guy claimed that a flood in her warehouse destroyed $400,000 worth of dresses that she had made and promised to pay him back if he helped her, advancing funds from his credit card to her PayPal account. The alleged scam went on from 2013 until November 2015, when the man told Guy that he didn't have any more money. He turned to his son for help, but his son wasn't buying it and alerted police. Police said Nancy Guy called the man and asked him why he had filed a police report about her. During their conversation, Nancy Guy claimed that her phone was broken and promised to call him when she got a new one, but that was the last he heard from her, according to the report. The man told police that he had his car repossessed and had to file for bankruptcy because of Nancy Guy's scam. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lee Re: Mail attachments won't open Dear Webby, Sometime I try to open a piece of mail. A window comes down saying to large for word pad to open. And asks if I want note pad to open it,if i say yes it opens in computer language. which I cant read. What can I do about this. I am 73 yrs old and am a novice at the computer Thank you Lee Dear Lee If you get weird stuff like that, trash it. Trash it without even trying to open it. It's just not worth the hassle. If it does not open normally, it is probably some virus or worm and could really make life difficult. So, when in doubt, trash it. There is plenty of normal mail that opens without hassle. Have FUN! DearWebby
"How was your blind date?" a college student asked her 21 year old roommate. "Terrible!" the roommate answered. "He showed up in his 1932 Rolls Royce." "Wow! That's a very expensive classic car. What's so bad about that?" "He was the original owner, and his nurse was in the back seat."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Pet Hair Off Wood Floors Best Answer By Lizzyanny [9 Posts, 1,388 Comments] As a retired cleaning lady I have tried them all. My favorite is the Hoover Flair stick vacuum. It is light and easy to maneuver. You would need to find it online. My second favorite is a cottom dust mop. It is very effective except for having to occasionally wash the mophead. ____________________________________________________
Powers of 10
____________________________________________________ >From Kim At the beginning of my shift I placed a stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I instructed. "Yeth, they uthed to be," remorsed the patient. ___________________________________________________
Are you brave enough to ride some or all of these trains?
___________________________________________________ A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had done. The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice. At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door: 1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp. 2. There are 10 Commandments, not 12. 3. There are 12 Disciples, not 10. 4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated. 5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass. 6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C. 7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook. 8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him. 9. When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass. 10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T" 11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and eat it for it is my body. He did not say "Eat me." 12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry." 13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God. 14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ At dawn the telephone rings. "Hello, Master Carlos? This is Arnaldo, your country house caretaker." "Ah yes, Mr. Arnaldo. What can I do for you? Is there a problem?" "Um, I am just calling to advise you, sir, that your parrot died." "My parrot? Dead? The one that won the competition?" "That's the one." "Darn! That's such a pity! I spent a small fortune on that bird. Oh well...what did he die from?" "From eating rotten meat." "Rotten meat? Who was so mean as to give him meat?" "Nobody. He ate the meat of one of the dead horses." "Dead horse? What dead horse, Mr. Arnaldo?" "Why those pure breed ones that you had, sir. They died from all that work pulling the water cart." "Are you insane? What water cart?" "The one we used to put out the fire." "Good Lord! What fire are you talking about, man?" "The one at your house! A candle fell and then the curtain caught on fire." "What the.....!!! But there's electricity at the house!!!! What was the candle for???" "For the funeral." "WHAT BLOODY FUNERAL???!!!!!" "Your mother-in-law's! She showed up one night, out of the blue and I thought she was a thief, so I hit her with your new Tiger Woods Nike Driver." SILENCE.................... "Arnaldo, if you broke that driver, you are fired!"

Today, on July 25, in
0326 Constantine refused to carry out the traditional pagan

1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general
expulsion of Jews from France. 

1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire. 

1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in Japan
and ordered all Christians to leave. 

1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to
Roman Catholicism. 

1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara in

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir, Egypt.

1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish a
new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 

1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain,
France and the United States. 

1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 

1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 

1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the American
Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and not for
slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was the
first American officer to hold the rank. 

1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 

1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 

1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English
Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37
minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 

1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian

1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 

1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets. 

1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown in
a coup. 

1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device. 

1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the

1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in
Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro

1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first woman
to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space station
Salyut 7. 

1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that had
existed between them since 1948. 

1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the
second American to win the race. 

2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal
reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-

2017  smiled.

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Can you scan with the computer off? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 24

Last night as I came back from my walk I saw a deer in
the back yard snacking on the scraggly dandylions (arrigula)
and not appearing worried at all. 

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey dealer reports himself
Today, July 24 in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ By trying we can easily learn to endure adversity. Another man's, I mean. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) Home computers are being called upon to perform many new functions, including the consumption of homework formerly eaten by the dog. --- Doug Larson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Newly wed Angus McKenzie comes in to the room and says to his wife, "I'm going to the pub. Get your coat on." The wife, overjoyed that he has included her in his activity, replies, "Does that mean that you are taking me with you, darling?" Angus replies, "No. I'm turning the off the heat." -------------- I would not be surprised if she comes over here to borrow a bible and warm up a bit. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Blackmon, 32, Okaloosa, Floriduh Dopey dealer reports himself He called the police to report that he had been robbed … of his stash of cocaine, according to the Miami Herald. Fort Walton Beach resident David Blackmon called sheriff’s deputies Sunday morning to report the theft of his cocaine stash — about a quarter ounce — and $50 from the center console of his vehicle, in the process actually informing the responding deputy that he was indeed a drug dealer. The Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office shared the incident on its Facebook page, no doubt to the amusement of their followers and supporters. Self Described Drug Dealer Calls OCSO to Report Theft of Cocaine A Fort Walton Beach man called the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office Sunday morning to report that someone had stolen a baggie of cocaine and cash from his car. 32-year old David Blackmon of 119 Carson Drive, who identified himself as a drug dealer, told the responding deputy that someone entered his car while it was parked at 400 Ed Street and stole $50.00 and about a quarter ounce of cocaine off the center console. The deputy however spotted cocaine still in that spot. He also found a crack pipe on the floorboard by the driver’s door and seat and a crack rock on the center console by the cocaine. The money was not located. Blackmon is charged with possession of cocaine, resisting arrest without violence, and possession of drug paraphernalia. Unfortunately for Blackmon, while he may have been the victim of a theft by another criminal, it was he himself who ended up in cuffs and the back of the deputy’s patrol vehicle, as a search of his own vehicle turned up some remnants of the stolen quarter ounce of cocaine and a crack rock on the center console, as well as a crack pipe on the driver’s side floorboard. According to The Washington Times, Blackmon was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine and resisting arrest without violence. He was released from the Okaloosa County jail on Monday after posting $4,000 bail. There was no word on when he is due back in court to face the felony cocaine possession charge he has been slapped with. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jaye Re: Scanning with computer off Dear Webby, I am wondering if my Computer is off will my Norton still do it's scheduled scan? I also have McAfee scanning my e-mail too. The Crap Cleaner is a neat program. But I am wondering if I am supposed to Analyze first, then Run or does it not make any difference. At one point of the scan it asks me if I really want to delete these files. I was not sure about this but did it anyway and so far does not seem to have hurt anything. Thank you for recommending it to one of your readers, I run it weekly. My son works with computers and all 18 of his business Computers are running well using the Crap Cleaner. Sincerely, Jaye When your computer is off, nothing happens, except for the dust bunnies having an orgy in the case. If you meant keeping the computer running but going off the Internet, that is indeed a good idea for while you are scanning. With Crap Cleaner the Analyze function is mainly to show you how much space you will reclaim when you run it. Regarding deleting files, you can uncheck stuff that you want to keep, for example cookies. Once you have set it to your preferences, it's quite safe to run it without analyzing, and deleting what it recommends to dump. Have FUN! DearWebby
On a recent radio station appearance, "Uncle" Larry Reeb was asked, "Are you a college man?" He replied, "Nope. I stayed HOME and got drunk. I couldn't afford that $20,000 cover charge."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towel Rolls as Yarn Organizer By KIM HOGGAN Paper Towel Rolls as Yarn Organizer yarn wrapped around paper tubesHere is a way to keep yarn from being tangled using paper towel and toilet paper rolls. Get a roll and tie a knot at the end. Begin to wrap yarn around just by turning the roll. Once done cut a small slanted line at the edge to insert yarn until needed. ____________________________________________________
kitten tries to catch dog's wagging tail
____________________________________________________ The man told his doctor that he wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English what is wrong with me." "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're just a lazy old fart." "OK," said the man. "Now give me the latin term so I can tell my wife." ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ The fourth-grade class was studying the development of the auto industry. The teacher had emphasized the role played by Henry Ford, whose assembly lines decreased production costs. At the end of the unit, she gave a test including the question: "What did Henry Ford invent that made buying a car more affordable?" One of the brightest students in the class wrote: "0% financing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ It was a sexual harassment case, and it had been a long day. The young lady accusing her boss said that she was too embarrassed to repeat the words that he said to her. The Judge suggested she write them down and that the words be shown to himself and the jury. She passed the note, which read - 'Go and take your knickers off, then come sit on my knee and have a drink with me tonight', to the Judge, who then passed it on to Fred, the foreperson of the jury. Fred went to pass it on to the next juror, a middle-aged spinster who had nodded off in the stuffy courtroom. He had to nudge her to bring back full consciousness. She woke, read the note, smiled, read it a second time, winked and nodded at Fred, then put the note in her handbag!

Today, on July 24, in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in
the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 

1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press. 

1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of
modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland. 

1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin.
The U.S.-British airlift began the following day. 

1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the
Pacific Ocean. 

1978 Billy Martin was fired for the first of three times as the
manager of the New York Yankees baseball team. 

1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda
became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 

2017  smiled.

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When you can't click through links 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 23

>From **grandma@yahoo.com
As you know, I am a Yahoo...  I had trouble receiving your
enewsletter until I discovered if I put your emagazine address
with a name I typed in myself.  I have had no more trouble
except when I get a virus or some screwy bug on my system.  I
don't know if it helps .ATT. but... It works for me.  Keep in
mind I don't know exactly what I am doing on this 'puter
business but I am learning.

Thanks, Janice!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver charged after dramatic video shows 
vicious attack of 74-year-old cyclist
Today, July 23 in
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. That
regional dispute was used by far away England as an excuse to
start  World War I. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves as the sole cause of all our adversities. --- Sophocles (496 BC - 406 BC) If money is your hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a man will have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. --- Henry Ford ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An elderly woman and her little grandson, whose face was sprinkled with bright freckles, spent the day at the zoo. Lots of children were waiting in line to get their cheeks painted by a local artist who was decorating them with tiger paws. "You've got so many freckles, there's no place to paint!" a girl in the line said to the little fella. Embarrassed, the little boy dropped his head. His grandmother knelt down next to him. "I love your freckles. When I was a little girl I always wanted freckles," she said, while tracing her finger across the child's cheek. "Freckles are beautiful." The boy looked up, "Really?" "Of course," said the grandmother. "Why just name me one thing that's prettier than freckles." The little boy thought for a moment, peered intensely into his grandma's face, and softly whispered, "Wrinkles." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Morris realized he needed to purchase a hearing aid, but he felt unwilling to spend much money. "How much do they cost ?" he asked the salesperson. "That depends," he said. "They run from $2.00 to $5,000." "Let's see the $2.00 model," said Morris the miser. The salesperson put the device around Morris' neck. "You just stick this button in your ear and run this little string down to your pocket," he instructed. "How does it work?" , asked Morris. "For $2.00 it doesn't work," the salesperson replied. "But when people see it on you, they'll talk louder!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Fox, 65, Peterborough, Ontario Driver charged after dramatic video shows vicious attack of 74-year-old cyclist A driver has been charged after a dramatic video showed a 74- year-old cyclist viciously attacked on the side of the road with a club. Peterborough police said that just after 11 a.m. Tuesday, the cyclist was riding in the area of Erskine Ave. when an argument broke out between him and a truck driver. The driver climbed out of his truck and attacked the cyclist with a small club, police said. The video shows the cyclist on the ground with his attacker on top of him, striking him over and over in the head and torso. It shows the attacker stopping when witnesses approached and intervened. A truck sits beside them, with a bicycle crumpled on the street in front of the vehicle. The victim was seen bleeding profusely as he walked away. I'm filming all of this, the woman, who recorded the video, says as the driver gets back up and flicks blood off of his hands. The driver then fled the scene in his truck. Where am I bleeding? the cyclist asks the woman recording. Everywhere, she replys. The woman asked for her name to be withheld when later contacted by Peterborough This Week. The sound of the club hitting him was sickening, the woman told the newspaper. Blood was flying off it. She said she didn't witness what led to the encounter. They were flailing their arms around and the guy walked back to his truck, she said. She grabbed her phone to take a photo of the truck because she thought the cyclist might have been hit. Little did she know what the driver would do next. He became enraged and you could see him snap in the truck, she said. She continued recording and ran towards the men while yelling for the attacker to get off the bloodied man. When the woman and a handful of motorists came to the aid of the cyclist, the driver stopped, put the bloody club in his pocket and wiped blood from his own face. The woman helped the cyclist up from the ground and tried to stop the bleeding until paramedics arrived. I didn't know how bad it was because there was so much blood, she said. It was pouring down his face and he couldn't see out of his eyes. Additional witnesses tried to keep the driver in the area until police arrived but he drove off in his truck. The woman is afraid of what would have happened to the man if no one was around. He attacked a senior man and drove away, she said. Police made an arrest about an hour later. The cyclist was treated and released from Peterborough Regional Hospital. Police said the two men did not know each other. David Fox, 65, has been charged with aggravated assault and assault with a weapon. He was released from custody and scheduled to appear in court on Aug. 24. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Can't use links Dear Webby, I have a yet another (recent since changing to broadband) problem that perhaps you know the remedy for. I can't click on a 'link' to go to a website, I can copy and paste the 'shortcut to' but can't just click and go. If you have any ideas I would appreciate them, . I rang my provider and they said it was a Microsoft problem. I've tried Microsoft but too hard and they charge for help even if your registered can't find a way to contact McAfee on the internet as in "an email to them", as far as I can gather if it's not in the "FAQ's they don't want to know you, that goes for Microsoft as well. Thanks if you have an answer or even an address I can email for help from McAfee or Microsoft. Regards Trish Dear Trish That sounds like a mouse problem to me. Try adjusting the double-click speed in the control panel. If that does not help, try a different mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day a farmer's donkey fell into a well. The animal cried pitifully for hours as the farmer tried to figure out what to do. Finally, he decided that the donkey was old, and the well needed to be covered up anyway; so it just wasn't worth it to retrieve the animal. He invited all his neighbors to shovel dirt into the well. At first, the donkey cried horribly. Then, to everyone's amazement, he quieted down. A few shovel loads later, the farmer looked down the well and was astonished; with every shovel of dirt that hit his back, the donkey would shake it off and take a step up. As the farmer's neighbors continued to shovel dirt on top of the animal, he would shake it off and take a step up. Pretty soon, everyone was amazed as the donkey stepped up over the edge of the well and trotted off! Life is going to shovel dirt on you, all kinds of dirt. The trick to getting out of the well is to shake it off and take a step up. Each of our troubles is a stepping stone. We can get out of the deepest wells just by not stopping, never giving up! Shake it off and take a step up! Remember the five simple rules for happiness: Enough of that! The donkey later came back and kicked the last three meals out of the farmer who had tried to bury him. Moral: When you try to cover your ass, it always comes back to get you.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Bathtub with Powdered Dish Detergent By Lynn [6 Posts, 2 Comments] When your bathtub really gets grimy looking and the bathroom cleaners don't seem to be working, try a scrubby sponge and a bit of powder dish washer soap. It doesn't scratch, but it will get things super clean. By Lynn from WV ____________________________________________________
kitten tries to catch dog's wagging tail
____________________________________________________ Two Jewish men are on a train across Poland, each on his way to meet a prospective bride on the other side of the country. Halfway there, the first turns to the second and says, "Forget about this whole marriage thing. I just don't like the idea." So he gets off at the next stop and makes his way back home. Meanwhile, the second man continues on and is met at the final destination by the mothers of the two prospective brides. When the mothers realize what has happened, they instantly begin to fight over whose daughter should wed this precious man. "He's mine!" cries one. "Not on your life," cries the other, "He will marry my daughter!" After bickering for a while, the man and the two mothers decide to go the local rabbi and ask him to resolve the situation. In the grand tradition of the ancients, the rabbi replies, "Well, there is only one solution to this problem. Cut the boy in half, and you each take half home with you." At this, the first mother looks shocked, while the second mother grins and cries emphatically, "Yah! Cut him in half!!" The rabbi points to the second mother and says, "THAT is the real mother-in-law. Case closed." ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ >From Kim: In my job with a credit union, I often run across accounts that are protected by password. The credit-union member, when withdrawing funds, must produce identification and then give the password to the teller. Recently, when I asked a woman for her password, she sighed, rolled her eyes and replied, "Save." I was puzzled until she explained, "My husband used that password so I'd have to say it every time I make a withdrawal."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Groan Alert! A local elementary school principal told his teachers about a workshop that would help them become better teachers. One of his new teachers decided to attend. When she came back boy was she fired up. She was so excited, the principal asked what happened. She said, "I went expecting to come back a better teacher. The first speaker was good and it was just an outstanding workshop. The final speaker summed it all up when she said all you teachers have to do is...follow a simple principal."

Today, on July 23, in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for
construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 

1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA.

1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first

1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in
Cincinnati, Ohio. 

1886 Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to have made
a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into the East River.

1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches
during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 

1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following the
killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. That
regional dispute was used by England as an excuse to start
World War I. 

1938 The first federal game preserve was approved by the U.S.
Fish and Wildlife Service. The area was 2,000 acres in Utah. 

1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in
service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.

1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser
overthrew King Farouk I. 

1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii,
under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission was to
be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. The Nautils
achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 

1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live
TV broadcast to Europe. 

1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de
France bicycling competition. 

1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first
Earth-resources satellite. 

1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after
it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in
"Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title. 

1985 Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 

1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at
Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 

1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out more
than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique. 

2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 

2017  smiled.

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ATT-Yahoo censoring subscriptions 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man loses it over AT&T trucks parked in 
front of house, shoots out their tires, radiator
Today, July 22 in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading 
rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It only takes 20 years for a liberal to become a conservative without changing a single idea. --- Robert Anton Wilson The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) A man who has not been a socialist before 25 has no heart. If he remains one after 25 he has no head. --- King Oscar II of Sweden ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Martin: The National Transportation Safety Board recently divulged they had covertly funded a project with the U.S. auto makers for the past five years, whereby the auto makers were installing black box voice recorders in four-wheel drive pickup trucks and SUV's in an effort to determine, in fatal accidents, the circumstances in the last 15 seconds before the crash. They were surprised to find in 49 of the 50 states the recorded last words of drivers in 61.2 percent of fatal crashes were, "Oh Sh*t!" In the state of Texas the words were different, where 89.3 percent of the final words were: "Hold mah beer! Y'all watch this!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Aron: A new forestry graduate receives his first 5-year posting way out in the middle of a huge forest with no people around for dozens of miles. Much to his surprise, included in the survival gear that they give him, is a recipe for matzo balls. When he asks why he's receiving a matzo ball recipe, he is told, "Sometime, a few years down the road when the solitude *really* starts to get to you, you'll pull out this matzo ball recipe and start to mix it together. "Within five minutes you'll have a half a dozen Jewish women hovering over you telling you what you're doing wrong!" ______________________________________________________ Biloxi, Mississippi _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jorge Jove, 64, Hialeah, Florida Florida man loses it over AT&T trucks parked in front of house, shoots out their tires, radiator A Hialeah man who is accused of shooting up two AT&T trucks Wednesday that were parked near his home told police that he went "bananas," an arrest report said. Jorge Jove, 64, who is a retired firefighter, was released from jail at 2:25 a.m. Thursday after posting a $30,000 bond. According to Hialeah police Sgt. Carl Zogby, AT&T trucks were hanging lines on utility poles on a residential street in the 600 block of Southeast Fifth Place when Jove got upset and told the workers to move away from his home. An arrest report states that Jove was angry because he feared that the trucks would damage the pavers on his driveway, even though the trucks were parked in front of the driveway, not on it. Zogby said the workers told Jove that they would move as soon as possible, but needed to finish their work first and that they were parked on a public street. Authorities said Jove came out of his home about an hour after exchanging words with the workers and started shooting at the trucks with a Ruger .357 revolver. According to the arrest report, the shooting happened after the workers had already moved their trucks easterly on Fifth Place while running a cable service above ground. Cellphone video taken from one of the workers shows a man, believed to be Jove, shooting out the tires of the trucks. "He flattened their tires. He shot into the bodies of the trucks. He shot out one of the radiators of the truck," Zogby said. "He seemed to be a quiet man, and something made him snap today." A Hialeah police sergeant who responded to the scene said he witnessed Jove firing a shot at one of the workers who was elevated while working on a cable inside a bucket truck. Police said Jove missed and the worker was not injured. Authorities said Jove caused more than $1,000 in damage to the trucks. One truck had the passenger-side front and rear tires shot out. The other truck had bullet holes in all of its tires and a bullet hole in its radiator, the report said. "We're grateful nobody was hurt, and we're working with law enforcement in their investigation," an AT&T spokeswoman said in an email to Local 10 News. Authorities said police ordered Jove to drop his gun as they arrived, and Jove was taken into custody. Detectives said Jove told them that he "went bananas" and wanted to stop the workers from leaving before police arrived. Police said Jove denied shooting in the direction of the worker who was in the bucket truck or pointing his gun at any of the workers. Jove was arrested on two counts of aggravated assault with a firearm and two counts of felony vandalism. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: censored by ATT.NET Dear Webby, your email site is not going to my email.it ends up on the icon screen. I have tried everything to get it changed to the way I want it.i am the administrator,and the site is not even on the server. to: D.J. email: theold*******@att.net I even canceled and re-subscribed again.that didn't work either. am I missing a setting somewhere? daniel Hi Daniel How many times have I told you that ATT.net is just Yahoo with a phony front for those, who are ashamed of being called "silly yahoos"? I can't fix Yahoo or stop them from censoring your mail. As I have told you many times, either contact att.net support and get them to stop stealing your subscription, or else get a Gmail address on the side, and tell me what that gmail address is. You don`t have to dump your att.net address and can remain a yahoo. Just use the gmail address for important stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pet Rocks By Robyn Fed [391 Posts, 1,238 Comments] I always get a smile on my face when I see these around the house, their big painted on smiles and google eyes are so adorable. I get all my supplies except for the rocks at Walmart. ____________________________________________________
Love bird makes new tail
____________________________________________________ A young Scottish lad and lass were sitting on a low stone wall, holding hands, gazing out over the loch. For several minutes they sat silently, then finally the girl looked at the boy and said, "A penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh, I was thinkin'...perhaps it's aboot time for a wee kiss." The girl blushed, then leaned over and kissed him lightly on the cheek. Then he blushed. The two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. Minutes passed, then the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its noo aboot time for a wee cuddle." The girl blushed, then leaned over and cuddled him for a few seconds. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch. After a while, she again said, "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." "Well, uh I was thinkin'...perhaps its aboot time you let me pewt ma hand on yer leg." The girl blushed, then took his hand and put it on her knee. Then he blushed. Then the two turned once again to gaze out over the loch before the girl spoke again. "Another penny for your thoughts, Angus." The young man glanced down with a furled brow. "Well, noo," he said, "my thoughts are a wee bit more serious this time." "Really?" said the girl in a whisper, filled with anticipation. "Aye," said the lad, nodding. The girl looked away in shyness, began to blush, and bit her lip in anticipation of the ultimate request. And he said, "Dae ye nae think it's aboot time ye paid me the first three pennies?" ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picked up a mirror and looked in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, Lizzy, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. Lizzy began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly old hussy he's runnin' around with! At least he could find a better looking one!"

Today, on July 22, in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats
out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 

1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke
Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under
mysterious circumstances. 

1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 

1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea for
the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797.

1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated
the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 

1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New
York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying at
250 feet. 

1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had
traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes.

1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton
captured Palermo, Sicily. 

1941 Plans for the Pentagon were presented to the House
Subcommittee on Appropriations. 

1955 U.S. Vice-President Richard M. Nixon chaired a
cabinet meeting in Washington, DC. It was the first time
that a Vice-President had carried out the task. 

1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S.
citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress. 

1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged
Kuwaiti tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect
them from possible attack by Iran. 

1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching
Israel or Saudi Arabia. 

2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced
that they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 

2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and
Qusai died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 

2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of
the Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and
no injuries were reported. 

2004 The September 11 commission's final report was
released. The 575-page report concluded that hijackers
exploited "deep institutional failings within our
government." The report was released to White House
officials the day before. 

2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century,
lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over
parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 

2017  smiled.

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infection via attached eml files  

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger’s 
Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff
Today, July 21 in
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space
shuttle program.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Middle age is when your broad mind and narrow waist begin to change places. --- E. Joseph Cossman The only thing that saves us from the bureaucracy is inefficiency. An efficient bureaucracy is the greatest threat to liberty. --- Eugene McCarthy (1916 2005) Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French Economist (1801-1850) To err is human--and to blame it on a computer is even more so. --- Robert Orben ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Bonnie I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking powder on the top shelf of a cabinet. Being only five feet tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box. Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call to come to my rescue. "Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the living room. "Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" "Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. "But next time, I'd prefer the title, 'Your Highness'." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Billie, , Janet and Bo Derek were all traveling somewhere in the same train compartment. After several minutes of the trip, the train passed through a dark tunnel and the unmistakable sound of a slap is heard. When the train emerged from the tunnel, Billie had a big red hand print on his cheek. Janet thought: "That dirt-bag Billie laid his hands on Bo Derek and she slapped him." Bo Derek thought: "I bet that sleazy Bilie tried to touch me, but put his hand on Janet by mistake . . . and she slapped him." Billie thought: " must have put a hand on Bo Derek and she slapped me by mistake." thought: "I hope we go through another tunnel soon, so I can smack Billie again." ______________________________________________________ How reliable a witness are you? There is an angy man and a woman. Which one is on the right side? Now move back a couple of feet and tell me, who is on the right side now! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stacy Horton-Garcia Peoria, Arizona Arizona Woman Arrested After Entering Stranger’s Home, Cooking Naked and stealing stuff A woman claimed she went to the wrong house after she was arrested for cooking naked and stealing items from a stranger’s home in Peoria, Arizona, according to television KTVK in Phoenix. Stacy Horton-Garcia is suspected of entering a house through an unlocked door in the area of 91st and Peoria avenues around 3 p.m. on July 11, allegedly to steal the homeowner’s clothes from his closet, authorities said. A surveillance photo captured her cooking food naked inside the home, police said. She also allegedly took a shower before the homeowner returned. Surveillance video showed her running from the house with the homeowner’s belongings, which she dropped outside, police said. Horton-Garcia was later arrested. Police said she told them she was going to her boyfriend’s house and accidentally went to the wrong home. Horton- Garcia said her boyfriend’s name was Mike but she didn’t know his last name. She said she only met him a few days prior at a Circle K in the area. Horton-Garcia was booked on suspicion of second-degree burglary and first-degree criminal trespassing. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: RJR Re: eml Dear Webby, When I try to open certain emails that have the extension .eml I am getting the error box that says "this file does not have a program associated with it...etc." and to create one under settings, folder options. When I check there I do see EML already listed. Does this have something to do with AOL sent emails? I recently removed Earthlink Total Access, which is when I began seeing this error. Thanks for any ideas. Have a happy Thanksgiving. R. J. Dear RJ That's just a virus masquerading as an Outlook Depressed message. That is why some of us have called Outlook Depressed a "Virus Magnet" for many years. It opens that stuff! Turn on the settings for showing all extensions, even known ones, and for showing all hidden files. Probably that file was actually something like "password.eml.exe" but the second extension was hidden. Have FUN! DearWebby
The year is 2025 and the United States of America has recently elected the first woman as well as an openly Jewish President, a Susan Vineberg. So the President elect calls up her mother a few weeks after election day and says, "So ma, I assume you will be coming to my inauguration?" "I don't think so. It's a ten hour drive, and your father isn't as young as he used to be, and my gout is acting up again." "Don't worry about it Mom, I'll send Air Force One to pick you up and take you home. And a limousine will pick you up at your door." "I don't know. Everybody will be so fancy, I don't know what on Earth I would wear." "Oh mom," replies Susan, "don't worry about it. I'll make sure you have a wonderful gown by Christian Day." "Honey," Mom complains, "you know I can't eat those rich foods you and your friends like to eat." The President-to-be responds, "Don't worry Mom. The entire affair is going to be handled by the best caterer in New York, kosher all the way. Mom, I want you to come." So Mom agrees and on January 21, 2025, Susan Vineberg is being sworn in as President of the United States of America. In the front row sits the new President's mother, who leans over to a Senator sitting next to her and says, "You see that woman over there with her hand on the Bible, becoming President of the United States?" The Senator whispers back, "Yes I do." "Her brother's a doctor."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stuffed Mushroom Caps By Sandi/Poor But Proud [633 Posts, 2,527 Comments] These are the best appetizers and even a main course. They can be vegetarian if you leave out the bacon. Easy to make, and on the table in just 35 minutes. Total Time: about 35 minutes. Yield: 10 Source: Food.com has this and I just made it and put it on Pinterest. too. Ingredients: 10 Each large mushrooms ($2.00) 1/2 cup chopped onions ($.20) 1/2 cup breadcrumbs ($.50) 1/2 cup bacon, cooked and chopped ($.75) 4 Tbsp butter, melted ($.15) 2 Tbsp dry white wine ($1.00) 2 Tbsp parsley, freshly chopped ($.15) 2 Tbsp olive oil ($.25) 1 Tbsp garlic powder ($.15) 1 tsp oregano leaves, dried ($.15) salt and pepper to taste ($.02) 1 cup shredded co-jack or monterey jack cheese. ($.75) 1/4 cup olives, finely chopped ($.50) Steps: Wash the caps and remove stems, setting them aside. Dry the caps and place in buttered baking dish. Chop the stems to measure 1/2 cup. In a skillet saute' the stems, onions, olives and garlic in oil. Mix breadcrumbs, bacon, spices, melted butter and wine. Add to the skillet and mix. Let cool about 10 minutes. Roll the mix into balls and place in middle of the cap. Press down a little and cover with cheese mix. Cook 20 minutes in 350 degree F oven. ____________________________________________________
stacking beer bottles & placing golf ball on top with excavator
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this report: DUBLIN, Ireland - A nursing home in Ireland has hit on a cheering way to keep up the spirits of its elderly patients -- by providing its own pub. St Mary’s Hospital in County Monaghan, near the Irish border with Northern Ireland, believes ready access to a good pint may help its patients -- average age 85 -- actually live longer. “We would say the whole social aspect of life does extend the years -- it means the patients aren’t bored to death,” Rose Mooney, assistant director of nursing told Reuters. The pub, which opens at 11 a.m. and closes at 9 p.m. and charges normal bar prices, had also led to an increase in the number of visitors, she said. Having its own bar made the hospital, which has around 140 patients, unique in Ireland, she added. ___________________________________________________
These wood sculptures look good enough to eat!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: One day a father gets out of work and on his way home he remembers that it's his daughter's birthday. He pulls over to a toy store and asks the salesperson, "How much is the Barbie on the display window?" The salesperson answers, "Which one? We have: Work out Barbie for $19.95 Shopping Barbie for $19.95 Beach Barbie for $19.95 Disco Barbie for $19.95 Divorced Barbie for $265.95". The amazed father asks: "What? Why is the Divorced Barbie $265.95 and all the others only $19.95?" The salesperson annoyingly answers : "Sir..., "Divorced Barbie comes with: Ken's Car, Ken's House, Ken's Boat, Ken's Furniture, Ken's Computer and... One of Ken's Friends.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it". For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $75". The next day someone stole it.

Today, on July 21, in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA.
The Confederates won the battle. 

1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T.
Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the
state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of
evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal
technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of
the jury. 

1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in
the U.S. 

1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the
Soviet Union. 

1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North
Vietnam and South Vietnam. 

1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled
that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second
American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the
Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a
million dollars in career earnings after he tied for
second place at the PGA Championship. 

1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19
and 20-year-old men. 

1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United
States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own
power for the first time in 116 years. 

1998 Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a
fall while practicing for the women's vault competition at
the Goodwill Games in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days
later failed to restore sensation below her upper chest. 

2000 NBC announced that they had found nearly all of
Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of
Berle's early TV shows had been the subject of a $30
million lawsuit filed by Berle the previous May. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2004 White House officials were briefed on the September
11 commission's final report. The 575-page report
concluded that hijackers exploited "deep institutional
failings within our government." The report was released
to the public the next day. 

2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series,
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle

2017  smiled.

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Digital camera for kids 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 20

Saw the thinnest and reddest moon crescent in the smoke
tonight. It still smells like camp fire smoke from the
fires in BC, on the other side of the Rockies. I think BC
is waiting for a good rain.


The farmers of course love it. 
CO2 + H2O + a bit of sunshine = Carbohydrates (grain).

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF 
saying she was being harassed by an innocent man 
is jailed 18 months for wasting police time
Today, July 20 in
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey (1911 - 1978) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was sued by the mayor for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After sentencing he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A nun was sitting at a window in her convent one day when she was handed a letter from home. Upon opening it a $50 bill dropped out. She was most pleased at receiving the gift from her home folks, but as she read the letter her attention was distracted by the actions of a shabbily dressed stranger who was leaning against a lamp post in front of the convent. She couldn't get him off her mind and thinking that he might be in financial difficulties. She took the $50 bill and wrapped it in a piece of paper, on which she had written, "Don't despair, Sister Eulalia." She threw it out of the window to him. He picked it up, read it, looked at her with a puzzled expression, tipped his hat and went off down the street. The next day she was in her room saying her prayers when she was told that a man was at her door who insisted on seeing her. She went down and found the shabbily dressed stranger waiting for her. Without saying a word he handed her a roll of bills. When she asked what the bills were for he replied, "That's the four-hundred bucks you have coming. Don't Despair paid 7-1." ______________________________________________________ Snacker _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily-Jo Banks, 23, Kent, England Twisted woman, who sent abusive texts to HERSELF saying she was being harassed by an innocent man is jailed 18 months for wasting police time A woman who sent abusive texts to herself and claimed she was being persistently harassed by a man has been jailed for wasting police time. Emily-Jo Banks, 23, told police that a man was targeting her throughout August and September in 2015. She claimed the man, aged in his 20s, followed her home, spied on her while she was in her back garden, sent threatening texts, attacked her and climbed onto her garage. Officers visited her home in Folkestone, Kent, and acted on her concerns, but she was caught out after a number of suspicious incidents. Police attended the man's address in Dover and found the man had not sent any messages at the times Banks claimed she had received them. They also found the messages stopped while officers were inside her home. In one incident, Banks, who at the time was doing work in the back garden, claimed to have received two texts in quick succession concerning dogs outside the front of her home. Officers questioned how one person could view the front and rear of the property at the same time. They examined Banks' phone and found she was logged into the man's social media profiles and was sending herself threatening messages. Her phone was also linked to an email address she claimed the man had used to send information about herself to the social services and media organisations. She was arrested and subsequently appeared at Canterbury Crown Court on July 7 where she was sentenced to 18 months in prison. Investigating officer Detective Constable Natasha Russell said: 'Banks intentionally perverted the course of justice by lying to the police. 'Not only has she caused significant distress to the victim but she has also wasted the time of hardworking officers. 'The fact that she has received a prison sentence shows the seriousness of this offence. We do not take this issue lightly and anyone caught will be dealt with appropriately.' _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Camera for kids Dear Webby, My grandkids, 6 and 7 years old will be visiting me for a couple or three weeks while my daughter has to go for an operation. I want to buy them digital cameras and teach them the basics of my hobby. What kind of camera would you suggest for complete novices of that age? Not too expensive, preferably. Thanks Shirley Dear Shirley Check Amazon for a Vivitar VXX14, for around $30. It is very small and lightweight and quite suitable for kids. The performance figures, though, will knock your socks off. 20 megapixels, 5200 x 3900 pictures, swivel monitor like a $500 Canon IS camera for shooting around corners, above the head, close to ground without lying down, or for taking selfies, which the kids really love doing. Controls are at an absolute minimum. The small lens makes it a real point and shoot camera. Don't worry about distance, focus, time or anything. Just point and shoot. It also takes movies. It comes with a standard tripod mounting socket, wrist strap, flash, USB cable and CD for handling the pictures on a computer. However, if you have any graphics program and a chip reader, you can transfer the pictures the same as with any camera. A very few years ago all that would have made professional photographers drool and kill for. It does not compare well with a $1500 2017 model SLR, though. The small point and shoot lens is great for daytime, but does not reach as far into the darkness as a camera with a large 2 pound lens. There is no optical zoom. The same as with any camera, the digital zoom is best ignored. You can do that much better once the picture is on the computer. For a kids camera or for a cheap camera in the car, or as a gift for a beginner, you can't really beat that Vivitar VXX14. You will have to get 3 AAA batteries and a camera memory chip separately. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this: Pipe Specifications of the Government 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2km) in length must have the words "long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbows, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use for an Old Golf Bag Use an old golf bag as a tote to help lug your garden tools out to your garden. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com Ask around your neighborhood for a "Little red wagon". Lots of people still have one lurking in the garage or behind the house from when their kids used one. Even if it is dented up and the wheels wobble, it will still be fine for hauling garden tools to the garden and produce from it to the house. If it is too ratty looking, somebody is bound to offer you their li'l red wagon. You can even make some hoops with 1/2" black plastic pipe or willow shoots and cover them with tarp to make a covered wagon to keep your tools dry and your ice tea out of the sun. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
drunk squirrel
____________________________________________________ >From Dave: Best Out Of The Office messages: 1. I am currently out at a job interview and will reply to you if I fail to get the position. Be prepared for my mood. 2. You are receiving this automatic notification because I am out of the office. If I was in, chances are you wouldn't have received anything at all. 3. I will be unable to delete all the unread emails you send me until I return from vacation on September 30th. Please be patient and your mail will be deleted in the order it was received. 4. Thank you for your email. Your credit card has been charged $10.99 for the first ten words and $5.99 for each additional word in your message. 5. The e-mail server is unable to verify your server connection and is unable to deliver this message. Please restart your computer and try sending again. (The beauty of this is that when you return, you can see how many in-duh-viduals did this over and over). 6. Thank you for your message, which has been added to a queuing system. You are currently in 352nd place, and can expect to receive a reply in approximately 19 weeks. 7. I've run away to join a different circus. 8. This is an automatic message to inform you that your email has been forwarded to the Vatican. They will delete emails for me until I return from my vacation. ___________________________________________________
Things found on the internet.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this: Inside information for Catholics only!! It must not be divulged to non-Catholics!! The less they know about our rituals and code words, the better off they are. AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. (The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough.) PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ "Information? I need the number of Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. That's C as in cadence. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."

Today, on July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas
Jefferson at the White House. 

1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 

1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed
on all cigarette packs was passed. 

1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian

1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since
the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal
troops. (Montana) 

1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.

1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary
Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines,

1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to
assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at
Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.

1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an
unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic
National Convention in Chicago. 

1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London.

1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 

1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 

1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful
landing on Mars. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 

1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins
and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de
Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of
Key West, FL. 

1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet
Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of

1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the
International Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation
of its currency. 

2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began
wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night

2017  smiled.

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MSIE link 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 19

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car
and assaulting rescuer
Today, July 18 in
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic
translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Think of what would happen to us in America if there were no humorists; life would be one long Congressional Record. --- Tom Masson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three wives were bemoaning their husbands' attitudes towards leftovers. "It gets rough," one said. "My husband is a Movie Producer and he calls them 'reruns'." "You think you have it bad," was the reply. "Mine is a Quality Control Engineer and he calls them 'rejects'!" "That's nothing compared to me," said the third lady. "My husband is a mortician. He calls them 'remains'!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Driving my friend Steve and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Steve's girlfriend glanced up at it and announced, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Steve corrected. "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her." ______________________________________________________ If you step back a bit, you will see the face _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Linda An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Heather Query, 21, Indianapolis, Indiana Mother arrested after leaving children in hot car and assaulting rescuer A mother remains in jail after police say she knowingly endangered her two little boys by leaving them alone in a car with temperatures approaching 100 degrees. A total stranger found them in a parking lot outside a Kroger store on Southport Road. "They were screaming and crying. The oldest one was just pushing against the windows, just screaming, screaming, screaming. Face just blood red, tears coming down his face," says Heather Elliott, who found the boys, ages four and one, in that car. Elliot says her motherly instinct went into overdrive. "You just do what you have to do," she says. And what she says she was about to do was try and get into the car and get those boys out. "They looked like they had been there for a long time," Elliott adds. But before she could do that, Elliott says 21-year-old Heather Query, the boys' mom, came out of the south side Kroger. "I said, 'How long were you in there?' and she said, 'Excuse me?' I said, 'How long were you in that store?' I said 'It's 100 degrees outside," recounts Elliott. "She said, 'What do you care? Mind your own business' and she started cussing and came around the car and told me to mind my own business and then I said, 'I'm just concerned about your kids. I'm just thinking about the safety of your kids'." And then came something Elliott says she never expected. "She punched me and just kept coming and going so I just kept pushing back," Elliott explains. Someone called police. "I think it was 97 degrees heat index outside at that time," says IMPD Officer Anthony Schneider. "It's never suggested to leave your children in the car unattended first of all, let alone unattended when the heat index is a high as it was yesterday." Despite her bruised jaw, Elliott says she'd do the same thing again. "An adult, an animal, a child. I'd do it again. You don't think about it. You just do it. It's something that has to be done," Elliott adds. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: MSIE Link Dear Webby, How can I put a link to a website that I use a *lot* in the Int. Explorer toolbar? I tried dragging the URL into a blank spot in the toolbar, but it didn't work (That's the way I do it in Firefox which I use most of the time; but this one particular website will only work correctly in Internet Explorer.) Thanks for any help you can give; love your humor letter! --Lynn Dear Lynn With IE the easiest way is to drag the icon from the address bar onto a blank spot on the desktop or drop it onto a desktop folder. You CAN enable links in the top bar, and drag it to there, but space there is limited, and if you narrow the window, the links are hidden. Personally, I prefer the first method and have a few shortcuts to thematic folders along the left margin of the desktop. For example, a music folder, a graphics folder, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
The two men stood on the lonely lighthouse. Through the fog they could see a small boat making its way toward them, with a lonely occupant. Suddenly a squall lifted the craft and tossed the man into the water. The two men on shore sprang into action. Hurriedly they launched their own craft and fought their way through perilous and treacherous waters to reach the man. At last they got him aboard their boat. "It's a good thing you rescued me," the dripping man said gratefully. "I was coming out to see you about your income tax......" "OOOPS! He fell overboard!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making a Borax and Honey Ant Trap By Robyn [548 Posts, 936 Comments] Sugar ants come around the kitchen and other places looking for sweet stuff to eat. Other kinds of ants follow too but I generally call them sugar ants. Here is how to make a trap to put on the counter. Supplies: 1 tsp 20 Mule Team borax* 2 cups hot water 5 Tbsp honey folded paper towel empty plastic container *Borax is an natural laundry boosting powder available in the laundry section of the store, normally on the top shelf. Steps: Dissolve the borax in hot water. Stir in the honey. Dip the folded paper towel in the solution until it is soaked completely. Press the wet paper towel in the empty plastic applesauce container. Place in a location where you have seen the ants. This bait will be eaten by the ants and taken back to the nest and will then kill the entire nest. Keep away from children by placing on a countertop where they can't reach it. ____________________________________________________
Alone in the Wilderness Part 1
____________________________________________________ A man goes into a pet shop and tells the owner that he wants to buy a pet that can do everything. The shop owner suggests a faithful dog. The man replies, "Come on, a dog?" The owner says, "How about a cat?" The man replies, "No way! A cat certainly can't do everything. I want a pet that can do everything!" The shop owner thinks for a minute, then says, "I've got it! A centipede!" The man says, "A centipede? I can't imagine a centipede doing everything, but okay... I'll try a centipede." He gets the centipede home and says to the centipede, "Clean the kitchen." Thirty minutes later, he walks into the kitchen and... it's immaculate! All the dishes and silverware have been washed, dried, and put away; the counter-tops cleaned; the appliances sparkling; the floor waxed. He's absolutely amazed. He says to the centipede, "Go clean the living room." Twenty minutes later, he walks into the living room. The carpet has been vacuumed; the furniture cleaned and dusted; the pillows on the sofa plumped; plants watered. The man thinks to himself, "This is the most amazing thing I've ever seen. This really is a pet that can do everything!" Next he says to the centipede, "Run down to the corner and get me a newspaper." The centipede walks out the door. 10 minutes later...no centipede. 20 minutes later... no centipede. 30 minutes later...no centipede. By this point the man is wondering what's going on. So he goes to the front door, opens it... and there's the centipede sitting right outside. The man says, "Hey!! I sent you down to the corner store 45 minutes ago to get me a newspaper. What's the matter?!" The centipede says, "I'm goin'! I'm goin'! I'm just putting on my shoes and my skates!" ___________________________________________________
WOW! I'm glad these ginormous sharks aren't around anymore!
___________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store long before 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw by an irate grandmother and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"

Today, on July 19, in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau
League to fight against the Reformation. 

1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen
of England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary,
the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 

1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 

1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic
translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 

1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca
Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 

1870 France declared war on Prussia. 

1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use
fiberglass sutures. 

1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the
U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-
submarine countermeasures. 

1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24
bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 

1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 

1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World
Trade Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for
One World Trade Center had taken place on December 23,

1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after
being linked in orbit for two days. 

1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was
overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front 

1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the
population had an income below the official poverty level
in 1981. 

1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest
with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet
10 inches tall. 

1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be
the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle.
She died with six others when the Challenger exploded the
following year. 

2017  smiled.

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IE only PopUps 

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Control moisture migration 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 17

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Pervert begs paedophile hunters to let him go 
after he was caught trying to meet girl, 12
Today, July 17 in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. --- William Ralph Inge Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. --- H. L. Mencken ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a wall in a ladies room "My husband follows me everywhere" Written just below it "I do not" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Our friends, James and Florence, attend choir practice Wednesday evenings, and often head for a restaurant afterwards with their fellow choir members. Florence soon noticed that every time she had a glass of wine, it was followed by a severe migraine headache. James agreed with her that it might be better if she abstained, and so she did. On one post choir occasion, however, Florence decided, after some hesitation, to order a glass of wine. Some time passed with no untoward consequences. Then she waved happily across the big table where her colleagues all sat and announced in a loud voice, "Hey James! I don't have a headache tonight!" ______________________________________________________ Iceland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Praju Prasad, 24, North Shields, England Pervert begs paedophile hunters to let him go after he was caught trying to meet girl, 12 A man fell to his knees and begged paedophile hunters to let him go after he was snared attempting to meet up with what he thought was a 12-year-old girl. Praju Prasad, 24, had been talking to who he thought was a youngster on social media and arranged to meet her at a train station this week. But he was instead met by members of Guardians of the North, an undercover organisation who catch men who are trying to meet children for sex. The police were called and Prasad was arrested and charged with attempting to meet a girl under the age of 16 after grooming. Before the officers arrived, he got down on his knees and repeatedly begged the group to leave him alone. At Newcastle Crown Court this week Prasad, of Bell Street, North Shields, was handed nine month prison sentence suspended for 18 months and a £140 fine after previously pleading guilty. He was also ordered to sign the sex offenders register for five years. Man chases scooter gang with hammer after they 'try to steal his motorbike' Prasad had originally attempted to book a hotel for himself and the ‘girl’. But when he was told none of them would accommodate a man and a child he instead arranged a meeting at North Shields Metro Station. There he was met by members of the group who filmed themselves confronting him with the words: ‘You are here to meet a 12-year-old girl for sex.’ Prasad then repeatedly begs for mercy as he kneels on the floor and grabs the legs of a group member. He says: ‘Please, leave me alone. Please, I beg you. Please, I beg you.’ Speaking after the case a member of Guardians of the North said: ‘This highlights the important work that we do. ‘If this man hadn’t been caught by us then he could well have gone on to abuse an actual child. ‘We are not happy with the sentence. We believe that judges need to be tougher as this kind of offending needs to be stamped out before more serious crimes are committed.’ Guardians of the North, set up just over a year ago, pose as teen girls and boys online to snare men looking to meet youngsters for sex. They have so far apprehended 117 potential paedophiles and seen around 30 convicted. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Moisture migration Dear Webby, You have been such a help with computer questions, and seem to have a great deal of knowledge on everyday items also. I would appreciate it if you could find an answer for this question. I take my lunch to work in a plastic cooler about 12 X 16 inches and 18 deep. I put a few cans of soda in the bottom, cover them with ice and then put my sandwich in on top. Some time the sandwich is wrapped in Saran Wrap and sometimes in wax paper and then put in a plastic sealable sandwich bag. By lunch time sometimes, and only sometimes, the bread on one side of the sandwich is soggy and the other slice is hard, dried out. I leave my cooler in the car and this seems to happen all year round. (Chicago area) Why does this happen and how do I stop it? Tom Dear Tom Moisture in the sandwich will condense in the cold side, which will reduce the humidity in the sandwich bag, causing more liquid to evaporate on the warm side, and condense on the cold side. The remedy is using a square Tupperware style sandwich container and putting a square or two of bubble-wrap below the sandwich. That bubble-wrap prevents direct conduction of heat from the sandwich to the ice below, and the whole sandwich will have closer to the same temperature, and very little moisture migration. In a pinch, a bubble-wrap padded envelope will work nearly as well. Have FUN! DearWebby
Kids! How Can A Stranger Tell If Two People Are Married? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. Derrick, age 8 What Do You Think Your Mom And Dad Have In Common? Both don't want any more kids. Lori, age 8 What Do Most People Do On A Date? Dates are for having fun, and people should use them to get to know each other. Even boys have something to say if you listen long enough. Lynnette, age 8 When Is It OK To Kiss Someone? When they're rich. Pam, age 7 Is It Better To Be Single Or Married? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. Anita, age 9 How Would The World Be Different If People Didn't Get Married? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? - Kelvin, age 8
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Ice Cream Don't let ice cream soften and then refreeze. The ideal temperature to store ice cream is between -5 and 0 Fahrenheit. Store ice cream inside of your freezer rather than on the door where the temperature is more likely to fluctuate. Make sure the lid on your ice cream container is closed tightly. Some containers are tough to keep closed once they have been opened, store those inside of a plastic bag or wrap them with tin foil. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Birds annoying cats
____________________________________________________ I was peacefully working away when the phone disturbed me. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I don't like people who call wrong numbers. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't Jennifer. Good guess though. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..." *Click* ___________________________________________________
Tree carving like I've never seen before!
___________________________________________________ Two Cajun commercial fishermen, Boudreaux & Thibodeaux went out in the Gulf of Mexico fishing. They were gone a couple of months. On their return, they noticed a Taco Bell had been built while they were away. Boudreaux turns to Thibodeaux and says "Look at dat, we not gone no time and dem Mexicans done come over here & built a teliphone company!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this: The Center for Disease Control has released a list of symptoms of bird flu. If you experience any of the following, please seek medical treatment immediately: 1. High fever 2. Congestion 3. Nausea 4. Fatigue 5. Aching in the joints 6. An irresistible urge to crap on someone's windshield

Today, on July 17, in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 

1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, which
ended the 100 Years' War. 

1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain.

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at
Rochefort, France. 

1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 

1862 National cemeteries were authorized by the U.S.

1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath the
Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709. 

1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took
Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 

1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name.
Their German name had become unfashionable.

1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G.
Edwin Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural
perspectives for an office building that could house
40,000 War Department employees on his desk by the
following Monday morning. The building became known as the

1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and
British Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting
at Potsdam in the final Allied summit of World War II.
During the meeting Stalin made the comment that "Hitler
had escaped." 

1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the
Nationalist army on the Yangtze River. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in
a Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over
the Soviet Union. 

1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North
Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes. 

1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in
orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and
Soviet Union. 

1979 Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and
fled to Miami in exile. (Florida) 

1986 The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took
place when LTV Corporation asked for court protection from
more than 20,000 creditors. LTV Corp. had debts in excess
of $4 billion. 

1987 Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and rear Admiral John
Poindexter begin testifying to Congress at the "Iran-
Contra" hearings. 

1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its last
400 stores. 

1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the
genome (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium. 

2008 In China, construction of the Shanghai World
Financial Center was completed. 

2017  smiled.

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How to UNinstall IE 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 16

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Road Rage suspect chewed wires in police cruiser
Today, July 16 in
1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he
agreed to ratify the constitution.   
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every increased possession loads us with new weariness. --- John Ruskin (1819 - 1900) Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Roland: "I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today" the anxious woman told the nurse over the phone. "Are you lightheaded" the nurse asked. "No" the caller replied. "I'm a Brunette" "Get somebody to drive you over here, NOW!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600?" Bill sighs, "Telling your wife." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Richard Walker, old enough to know better, Winter Garden, Florida Road Rage suspect chewed wires in FHP cruiser Florida Highway Patrol troopers have released surveillance video of a road rage suspect who they say tried to chew through recording equipment in the back of a patrol car. Troopers said the video shows Richard Walker moments after he was arrested on State Road 429 in Winter Garden for intentionally crashing into a vehicle several times. Investigators said he also used a hammer to smash that vehicle. Once handcuffed and put inside the patrol car, Walker was caught on camera putting chewing gum on the lens of a surveillance camera then trying to chew through the camera's wires. Troopers said Walker caused damage to the equipment. Walker became irate during the arrest and also threatened the trooper. Walker was booked into the Orange County Jail on several charges, including aggravated assault, resisting arrest and damaging property. Walker later bonded out of jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Getting rid of IE Dear Webby, How did you go about uninstalling Internet Explorer? I tried through the Control Panel and Revo Uninstaller Pro... couldn't find IE. It must be hidden deep into Windows 7. Thanks . Bill Dear Bill I did that so long ago, I forgot how. Here are some instructions: Uninstall IE Have FUN! DearWebby
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your boyfriend came to me today, and told me that he wants to marry you, and I gave my consent." Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy...." gushed his daughter, "but it's going to be so hard to leave mother after we're married." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed her dad. "You can take her with you.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorizing a Cooler or Ice Chest By Doris [2 Posts, 72 Comments] To clean a cooler, inside and out, cascade, or any automatic dishwashing powder, works really well, and sanitizes while cleaning. It gets the dirt out of the grooves on the outside, too. I don't know why it works better than a cleanser, but it does. It's also food safe, since it is for dishwashing, right? For storage of a cooler with a plug, leaving the plug open is all you need; keeping in mind closing it when you use it! If there isn't a plug, I use a paper towel, folded a few times, to wedge the lid open, placing it near a hinge. If the cooler is musty smelling from storage areas, a quick swipe with some vinegar and baking soda will do the trick. ____________________________________________________
Drone inside Fireworks
____________________________________________________ For each of these questions, there is a "No Problem!" answer. How many will you have a problem with? 1. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? 2. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how hard would it be for four men to build it in ten hours? 3. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? 4. How can a man go eight days without sleep and still be well-rested? 5. How can you easily determine how much dirt there is in an oblong hole three feet deep at one end and two feet deep at the other end, and four feet wide at one end and two feet wide at the other end? "No Problem" Answers: 1. No problem! Concrete floors are very hard to crack! 2. No problem! After all, it is already built, so it takes no time at all. 3. No problem! You will never find an elephant with one hand. 4. No problem! He sleeps at night.. 5. No problem! There is no dirt in the hole. ___________________________________________________
Extraordinary carvings by two artists.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Aaron: Standing on the shore, a Jewish lady watches her grandson playing in the water. She is thunderstruck when she sees a huge wave crash over him. Because when it recedes, the boy is no longer there - vanished! Screaming, she holds her hands to the sky and cries, "Lord, how could you? Have I not been a wonderful mother and grandmother? Have I not scrimped and save so I could tithe to the Temple and contribute to B'nai Brith? Have I not always put others before myself? Have I not always turned my other cheek and loved my neighbors, have I not ...?" A deep loud voice from the sky interrupts, "Enough already, give me a break!'" Immediately another huge wave appears and crashes on the beach. And when it recedes, the boy is standing there, smiling, splashing around as if nothing ever happened. The deep loud voice continues, "I have returned your grandson. Are you satisfied?" Grandmother responds, "He had a hat."

Today, on July 16, in
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of
Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 

1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured
Stony Point, NY. 

1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was
established as the permanent seat of the United States

1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed
to ratify the constitution. 

1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 

1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 

1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in
"National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been
taken near the Florida Keys. 

1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to
install parking meters. 

1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the
invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. 

1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and
held them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part
of an agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis.
Germany had agreed to not deport French Jews if France
arrested foreign Jews. 

1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their
drive toward Germany. 

1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in
a test at Alamogordo, NM. 

1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854.
They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer
finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. 

1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was
first published. 

1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed
record when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3
hours, 23 minutes and 8 seconds. 

1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and
began the first manned mission to land on the moon. 

1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing
Hasan al-Bakr to resign. 

1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of
Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 

1985 The All-Star Game, televised on NBC-TV, was the first
program broadcast in stereo by a TV network. 

2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood
Prince" was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter
series. The book sold 6.9 million copies on its first day
of release. 

2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. 

2017  smiled.

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Annoying PopUps 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 15

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania woman set boyfriend on fire 
then put out flames with urine
Today, July 15 in
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders.   
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948) If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson Love is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed his partner had only one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?" he asked. The other guy replied that he only needed one. "Are you sure?" the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it, so I don't need another one." "Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?" "That's OK," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs? "The other guy replied, "That's OK, too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem." Exasperated, the friend asks, "OK. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?" "No problem," says the other guy, "You see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark." Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that, anyway?" The other guy replies, "I found it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was steaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read: "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- To avoid being courtmarshalled and hanged for stealing a capital ship, make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, Penn Hills, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania woman set boyfriend on fire then put out flames with urine Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, reportedly got into an argument with her boyfriend Grady Spencer III on Saturday evening. Police officers in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania, say that when Spencer fell asleep, Sepelyak doused him with petrol and ignited the fire with a lit cigarette. She then allegedly used a bucket of urine – which they had been using as a toilet – to put the fire out, Fox8 reports. Spencer was rushed to hospital for treatment after Sepelyak’s parents, who live in the same house, heard his screaming. The parents, when they heard screaming and smelled the smoke, helped put him out – I think with the same urine – and went to the hospital, Penn Hills Police Chief Howard Burton said. They never called the police, the hospital called [us]. Spencer suffered burns on 25% to 35% of his lower body. Sepelyak has now been charged with attempted homicide and arson charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Annoying Pop-ups Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Again, an annoying, but not serious problem. When I open a subscribed e-mail from "Gopher Central.com", two pop-ups from "Pulse TV" appear in Firefox. When I contacted their support, they blamed Firefox and suggested that I try Google, Internet explorer, Yahoo or Bing. I like Firefox and don't want to switch. I downloaded two add-ons for Firefox, as suggested on internet searches. Nothing has helped. Also, when I click on a link in "The Straight Dope", Internet Explorer, that I never use, pops-up. I am sure that you will have a solution to these problems. When all else fails, I go to you. Thanks. Bill Dear Bill I UNinstalled Internet Exploder. That helped tremendously. Even Microsoft gave up on it. When a link tries to force Internet Explorer, then you know some hacker is trying to do something sleazy. Honest links don't do that! GopherCentral feeds your address to stuff, that you did not subscribe to, like their video editions and Pulse TV and whatever. I can't recommend them. Since your PopUp problem happens only when you open mail from Gopher Central, the problem is their crap, not your browser's. They are just lying to you and treating you like a gullible idjit. Dump them. I tried them once, many years ago. Luckily I use MailWasher. That sends their stuff to hell without even downloading it or showing it in the list. I really don't give a hoot about whether their stupid PopUps open in hell or not. Not my problem. Whenever I get stuff, that triggers PopUps or anything I did not ask for, I spend 10 15 seconds to make a filter in MailWasher. I never see it again. If you DO want the silly newsletter, that has the PopUps as sleazy payload, try changing your subscription to text instead of HTML. With some newsletters you can do that. I used to have that option, but since I don't use PopUps or any payload, not enough people used that version, so I dumped it. Now you just have Regular Font and Large Font. Have FUN! DearWebby
Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ahi Tuna Wrap By 15mhhm15 [185 Posts, 523 Comments] This is a very light, quick and healthy lunch or dinner. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 4 people By 15mhhm15 [185 Posts, 523 Comments] This is a very light, quick and healthy lunch or dinner. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 4 people Ahi Tuna Wrap fillings Ingredients: 2 lb ahi tuna 1/2 tsp pink salt 1/2 tsp sugar 2 Tbsp sesame oil 1 tsp black pepper 1 tsp chili with black beans 1/2 yellow onion 5 cloves garlic 3 stem green onion 2 Tbsp olive oil 1 each yellow & red bell pepper 1 tomatoes Steps: Clean the ahi tuna and dice into cubes. In a bowl mix your dried ingredients together - pink salt, sugar, and black pepper. And marinate on top of the ahi tuna. Dice green onions, slice onions and mince garlic. Set the onions and garlic aside on a different plate. Add the diced green onions into the bowl of ahi tuna. Slice bell peppers and tomatoes and set aside on a plate also. Get a small pan and cook tomatoes, bell peppers and some onions for a 2 minutes and set aside. This is for the filling of the wrap. Now in a pan on high heat add olive oil, minced garlic, and yellow onions until sizzling. Add ahi tuna fish, add chili with black bean, sesame oil and using your chopsticks stir fry for about 7 minutes and cover the lid for 3 minutes. Now for your wrap - we used tortilla wrap, shredded lettuce, quinoa which is optional and ketchup and Sriracha, mixed and featuring main ingredient ahi tuna cubes. ____________________________________________________
the episode that made us all cry - Goodbye
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: You Don't have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned, on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scooted back into the house. They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I managed to haul the fat ninny downstairs and throw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car. ___________________________________________________
Stolen Beauty of the Chin Girls
___________________________________________________ Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said. "That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on the neighbor's fence and they had to pull splinters out of him for six hours straight, down at the hospital."

Today, on July 15, in
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. 

1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights
at Tannenburg, Prussia. 

1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live
without the authority of the government. 

1806 Lieutenant Zebulon Pike began his western expedition
from Fort Belle Fountaine, near St. Louis, MO. 

1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the
Allies in Prague to discuss peace terms. 

1834 Lord Napier of England arrived in Macao, China as the
first chief superintendent of trade. 

1885 In New York, the Niagara Reservation State Park

1895 Ex-prime minister of Bulgaria, Stephen Stambulov, was
murdered by Macedonian rebels. 

1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike. 

1904 The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established
in Los Angeles, CA. 

1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was
incorporated by William Boeing. The company was later
renamed Boeing Co. 

1918 The Second Battle of the Marne began during WWI. 

1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the
'Hump' was carried to help China's war effort. 

1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon,
to protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew
October 25, 1958. 

1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-
up pictures of the planet Mars. 

1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the
U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet,
landed at Kennedy International Airport in New York. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon announced he would visit the
People's Republic of China to seek a "normalization of

1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft became the first to
enter the asteroid belt. 

1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law. 

2006 The social networking service Twitter was launched. 

2009 "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released
in theaters in the U.S. It was the sixth movie in the

2011 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" was
released in theaters in the U.S. and U.K. It was the final
film in the Harry Potter series. 

2017  smiled.

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From DropBox to stick 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NH Woman arrested twice in five hours 
after she demanded drugs back and wanted to drive
Today, July 14 in
1789 French Revolution began when Parisians stormed the
Bastille prison and released the seven prisoners inside.  
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You can fool too many of the people too much of the time. --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) A fool's brain digests philosophy into folly, science into superstition, and art into pedantry. Hence University education. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking kid in the back of the room raised his hand. "?" the teacher said. "I hate war," said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A European cruise ship captain has to convince the passengers of his sinking ship to jump overboard. He has to use a different approach with each European. He tells the English it would be unsporting of them not to jump. He tells the French it would be the smart thing to do. He tells the Germans that it is an order. He tells the Russians that there is a duty-fre store on the shore. He tells the Americans there is a nudist camp on the shore, And he tells the Italians that jumping overboard is forbidden. ______________________________________________________ Bubble_Nebula_NGC_7635 _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by Moe An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Emily Morin, 26, Concord, New Hampshire Concord, NH Woman arrested twice in five hours after she demanded drugs back and wanted to drive Emily Morin, 26, of Concord faces several charges after she was arrested twice on Tuesday, police said. Morin was charged with willful concealment and possession of Suboxone about 11 a.m., after being charged earlier with shoplifting from the Macy's Department Store at the Mall at Rockingham Park, police said. Police said they subsequently learned that her driver's license and registration were suspended. Morin was released on $2,500 bail. Her bail conditions included that she commit no crimes while free on bail and that she not drive until her license was reinstated by the state Department of Motor Vehicles, police said. About five hours later, at 3:30 p.m., police said that Morin showed up at the Salem Police Station demanding that the arresting officer return her Suboxone, which had been seized as evidence. Officer Andrew Feole said he explained to her that he "would not be handing her the drugs." Feole said Morin proceeded to get into the driver's seat of a Volvo in the police station parking lot and back out. She refused to get out of the car at Feole's request, police said. Morin was placed under arrest, but continued to sit in the car, police said. Feole said he was forced to open the car door and remove Morin from the vehicle before holding her against the car to handcuff her. In addition to the shoplifting, Morin faces charges of willful concealment, possession of a controlled drug, suspension of vehicle registration, driving after revocation/suspension, resisting arrest and breach of bail. She was arraigned in Salem District Court on Wednesday morning. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Drop-Box to stick Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Can you explain how I can transfer pictures from Dropbox to a stick? Dednise Dear Denise If they are downloaded to your computer in the Dropbox folder then just move them like you would any other file/folder as thats exactly what they are. If they are online you'll need to go to www.dropbox.com/home first and select the ones you want to download and then download them to the flash drive. If you select multiple files they'll download as a zip so you may need to unzip them. Have FUN! DearWebby
A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet know to science - "governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12 assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like sub particles called peons. Governmentium has no electrons and is therefore inert. It can be detected however since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact with. A tiny amount of governmentium can take a reaction that normally occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it takes many months. Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years. It doesn't decay but "re-organizes", a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes. This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration, forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you reorganize, the morass you cover.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Rags Instead of Paper Towels Tired of spending money on paper towels? Sending them to a landfill is not good for the environment. Instead, use rags: Worn out towels, old fabric etc. When these rags might have seen their last scrub, their useful life is not over. Layer 2 or 3 rags and sew them together, each about 12 inches square. Then place your old soap ends and maybe some stinky soap you won't bathe with in the center. Tie the layers together (with your favorite rag on the outside) with a strong string or cord and make a pouch. You can tie this soapy wonder in an outdoor wash area or from the faucet in the bathroom. No fuss or muss, and no icky slime on the sink. When it wears out, compost it and make another. By sue123 from Oroville, CA ____________________________________________________
Not Under My Roof!
____________________________________________________ A Texan looked up at the top of a tall building and discovered a man ready to jump! "Stop," he yelled, "Remember you're someone who has value!" The man yelled back, "I just lost everything of value in the stock market!" "But remember you're important to your wife," yelled the Texan. "She divorced me." "Your children! Remember your children," yelled the Texan. "They never call," said the man. "Then your parents. Remember your parents," yelled the Texan. "Dead as doornails," said the man. "Then 'Remember the Alamo'," yelled the Texan. "What's the Alamo?" inquired the man. To which the Texan replied: "Jump, you stupid Yankee, JUMP !" ___________________________________________________
Classic humorous photos from Life magazine.
___________________________________________________ Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A coupon for WeightWatchers."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ For the four executives, the high point of the annual stockholders meeting was their Sunday afternoon golf game. They had just teed off on the twelfth hole when the assistant golf pro came tearing across the green, red- faced and out of breath. "Mr. Rudeneck, Mr. Rudeneck!" he gasped, "I have terrible news. Your wife has just been killed in a car accident." Rudeneck turned to his companions and said, "Guys, I gotta warn you. Six more holes and you're gonna see a man crying his eyes out."

Today, on July 14, in
1223 In France, Louis VIII succeeded his father, Philip

1430 Joan of Arc, taken prisoner by the Burgundians in
May, was handed over to Pierre Cauchon, the bishop of

1456 Hungarians defeated the Ottomans at the Battle of

1536 France and Portugal signed the naval treaty of Lyons,
which aligned them against Spain. 

1789 French Revolution began when Parisians stormed the
Bastille prison and released the seven prisoners inside. 

1798 The U.S. Congress passed the Sedition Act. The act
made it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false
or malicious statements about the U.S. government. 

1868 Alvin J. Fellows patented the tape measure. 

1900 European Allies retook Tientsin, China, from the
rebelling Boxers. 

1911 Harry N. Atwood landed an airplane on the lawn of the
White House to accept an award from U.S. President William

1914 Robert H. Goddard patented liquid rocket-fuel. 

1933 All German political parties except the Nazi Party
were outlawed. 

1940 A force of German Ju-88 bombers attacked Suez, Egypt,
from bases in Crete. 

1941 Vichy French Foreign Legionaries signed an armistice
in Damascus, which allowed them to join the Free French
Foreign Legion. 

1945 American battleships and cruisers bombarded the
Japanese home islands for the first time. 

1946 Dr. Benjamin Spock's "The Common Sense Book of Baby
and Child Care" was first published. 

1951 The George Washington Carver National Monument in
Joplin, MO, became the first national park to honor an
African American. 

1958 The army of Iraq overthrew the monarchy. 

1965 The American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, and
sent back photographs of the planet. 

1998 Los Angeles sued 15 tobacco companies for $2.5
billion over the dangers of secondhand smoke. 

2001 Beijing was awarded the 2008 Olympics. It was the
first time that China had been awarded the games. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 10 million
applications downloaded. 

2008 In Japan, construction began on the Tokyo Skytree

2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.5 billion
applications downloaded. 

2015 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft became the first space
mission to explore Pluto. 

2017  smiled.

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Problem mice 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 13

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Rapist Uber driver who preyed on drunk women 
jailed for 12 years
Today, July 12 in
1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of
rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Kathleen gets out of bed, throws on her robe and slippers, uncovers the parrot, pulls up the shades, opens the window, puts on the coffee, and sits down to read the paper. The phone rings. A man's voice says with anticipation. "Sweetie, I just flew in from London I'll be right over." She puts down the paper, turns off the coffee, closes the windows, pulls down the shades, covers the parrot, takes off her robe and slippers, and gets back into bed. The parrot says, "Dang! That was a short day." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ How Smart is Your Right Foot ? This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And if you are anywhere near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it! Go ahead KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT ! Have a great day! Now get back to work!! ______________________________________________________ Tsungwei _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jahir Hussain, 37, Poplar, England. Rapist Uber driver who preyed on drunk women jailed for 12 years An Uber driver who waited outside popular east London bars looking for drunk women to rape has been jailed for 12 years. Jahir Hussain sexually assaulted one woman last October and two on the same night in December when they passed out in his back seat after he picked them up in Shoreditch. Snaresbrook Crown Court heard that the 37-year-old’s first victim, who woke to find the father-of-four fondling her breasts and undoing his belt, was frozen in fear as he raped her. His next two attacks came in quick succession in the early hours of December 2. Hussain took advantage of Uber’s system to intercept one woman, telling her that he was the driver ordered to collect her. After she left her work’s Christmas Party, Hussain drover her to a parking bay. He cut her clothing with scissors as she slept – but she woke to find him kissing her, and tried to fight him off. The woman managed to get out of the car and Hussain sped off when she told him she would call the police. Hours later he touched his third victim’s legs and lifted up her dress as she slept, and she later found her tights and knickers had been partly cut off her body. Judge Nicholas Huskinson told Hussain he seriously considered a life sentence and told him: ‘You possess a high risk of harm to adult women, particularly those who are intoxicated. ‘You, Mr Hussain, appear to target them while they are alone and vulnerable. ‘And you used some sort of bladed instrument to cut their clothing when they were asleep. ‘On 2 December you committed two crimes hours apart despite the first victim telling you they would call the police. That did not deter you. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Dead mice Dear Webby, Dear Webby, my problem is mice. Not one mouse. MICE. I'm supposed to be a receptionist, but everybody here figures I have nothing better to do than clean and/or fix their mice. Especially in the warehouse the mice don't seem to last more than a couple of weeks and next time a 10 mouse day coincides with full moon and a bad hair day, somebody around here will be wearing a mouse. I know you work long hours and have for many years. What type of mouse do you recommend and how long do those last? Thanks, Fran Dear Fran Tell them they need wireless Microsoft or Logitech laser mice. Those have no balls, just a laser at the bottom. They have small teflon glider pads for feet. When they get gunked up with ketchup and hamburger drippings and dirt and stuff, just run the mouse hard on some brown packing paper. That will clean them off in seconds. Other Laser or optical mice are similar, but with Microsoft or Logitech there wont be any installation hassles. Have FUN! DearWebby
Communication is the key to a good marriage, say the experts, but it may take time to develop. Consider newlyweds Ole and Lena on their honeymoon trip from their little town in southern Minnesota. They are nearing Minneapolis when Ole puts his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena says, "Ole, you can go farther than that if you vant to." So Ole drives to Duluth.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Lime Deposits Off a Toilet I tried everything, as we were selling our house, including emptying the bowl and adding vinegar. I decided that I'd try the pumice stone as a last resort, only I wished I had tried it first. It can even be used wet so you don't have to empty the bowl first. I bought it at the Dollar store, put on some gloves and got the bowl clean in no time. It won't harm the bowl as it's fine, not rough. Whatever you try, good luck. (07/15/2007) By Mikki I have tried using pumice stones and it worked although it was a lot of work. At Home Depot they sell a product called Zep, and it's just a acidic cleaner that you squirt on. When I used it I was shocked and amazed and will never use anything else, by far the best product out there. (07/15/2007) By pomsarelv Hydrochloric acid works fast and very well if you have to clean a bunch of toilets. For best results, get rid of the water and let it dry, so that you don`t dilute the hydrochloric acid. Make sure you have good ventilation because it `smokes` when it eats the deposits. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Ultimate dog tease
____________________________________________________ On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "He's not a friendly bear, let's go to our secret channel." They all muted their mikes and went to sleep, while the officer went nuts trying to find what secret channel they were using. ___________________________________________________
'Flower-bombing' New York City.
___________________________________________________ Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!" When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Shut up, you stupid, ugly bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Lorna Please send that Spell checker poem again Lorna Here it is SPELL CHECQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

Today, on July 13, in
1099 The Crusaders launched their final assault on Muslims in

1534 The Ottoman armies captured Tabriz in northwestern Persia. 

1558 Led by the court of Egmont, the Spanish army defeated the
French at Gravelines, France. 

1585 A group of 108 English colonists, led by Sir Richard
Grenville, reached Roanoke Island, NC. 

1754 At the beginning of the French and Indian War, George
Washington surrendered the small, circular Fort Necessity in
southwestern Pennsylvania to the French. 

1812 The first pawnbroking ordinance was passed in New York

1832 Henry Schoolcraft discovered the source of the Mississippi
River in Minnesota. 

1836 John Ruggles received patent #1 from the U.S. Patent Office
for a traction wheel used in locomotive steam engines. All 9,957
previous patents were not numbered. 

1863 Opponents of the Civil War draft began three days of
rioting in New York City, which resulted in more than 1,000

1875 David Brown patented the first cash-carrier system. 

1878 The Congress of Berlin divided the Balkans among European

1931 A major German financial institution, Danabank, failed.
This led to the closing of all banks in Germany until August 5. 

1941 Britain and the Soviet Union signed a mutual aid pact, that
provided the means for Britain to send war material to the
Soviet Union. 

1954 In Geneva, the United States, Great Britain and France
reached an accord on Indochina which divided Vietnam into two
countries, North and South, along the 17th parallel. 

1972 Carroll Rosenbloom (owner of the Baltimore Colts) and
Robert Irsay (owner of the Los Angeles Rams) traded teams. 

1978 Lee Iacocca was fired as president of Ford Motor Co. by
chairman Henry Ford II. 

1982 The All-Star Game was played outside the United States for
the first time. They played in Montreal, Canada. 

1984 In Arkansas, Terry Wallis was injured in a car accident and
was left comatose. He came out of the coma in June of 2003. 

2000 Sprint Corp. and WorldCom canceled their planned merger due
to opposition by regulators in the United States and Europe.

2017  smiled.

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Printer spits paper onto the floor 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 12

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Syrian migrant trafficked girls while on bail
after raping another teenager
Today, July 12 in
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria.
There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them safely
the rest of the way to Constantinople by August 1. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ One can survive everything, nowadays, except death, and live down everything except a good reputation. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The happy couple were at Town Hall, applying for their marriage license. After they filled out all the papers, the clerk said, "This license is good for 30 days." "No, you don't understand," replied the nervous bride-to-be. "We want one that's for a long time." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?" ______________________________________________________ Alba _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Zohair Tomari, 20, in jail in England Syrian migrant trafficked girls while on bail after raping another teenager Zohair Tomari, 20, who is believed to be from Syria, invited his 17-year-old victim and her 15-year-old friend to his flat in August 2014 after befriending them. Once there, he gave her alcohol, before slapping and punching both and pulling out a knife. Tomari, of Longford, Coventry, demanded that the terrified teen open her legs and, as he undid his belt, told her that the more she cried, the more he would hit her, before proceeding to rape her. Police arrived at the scene after the youngest girl was reported missing, at which point the other informed them of the incident in private. But he was granted bail and went on to traffic two younger girls, aged 13 and 14, as they walked to a friend’s home in the early hours of the morning in August last year. The pair were enticed into the car – in which Tomari was a passenger – and given drink and cigarettes before being led to a flat in Foleshill, Coventry, where he sexually assaulted them. Tomari was found guilty of rape, in relation to the incident involving the 17-year-old girl, at Warwick Crown Court, and jailed for a total of 12 years and nine months for both incidents. The court heard how Tomari had been jailed at Coventry Crown Court in January this year after being convicted of trafficking for child sexual exploitation and sexual assaults in relation to the other incident. He will also have to serve an additional seven years on licence, and has been ordered to register as a sex offender for life. In relation to the first attack, Judge Andrew Lockhart QC, sentencing, told Tomari: ‘Behaviour of this nature is abhorred in virtually every civilised country on this earth. ‘Sadly, then you were granted bail, and you committed other offences for which you are now in prison. I am driven to conclude you are dangerous. I can see no end to the danger you pose.’ Jeremy Janes, prosecuting, claimed that Tomari had befriended the 17-year-old victim and her 15-year-old friend, and invited them to his flat. The older girl said that both she and the youngster were punched and slapped by Tomari, and she was threatened with a knife and told she ‘better be careful’ or she would be going to Hillfields, Coventry, to ‘open your legs for anyone.’ During the night, two calls were made to police, one just before 10pm and one just before 3am, but neither was completed. Tomari, who claimed to be from Morocco in his pre-sentence report but now claims to be from Syria, then went on to traffic the two young girls in August last year. The pair went to the police about the horror incident after being driven back to the city centre by the sex offender. Tomari was handed a nine-and-a-half year sentence for child sexual exploitation and sexual assaults in relation to the that incident and, once half that sentence has been served, an extended sentence of eight years for the rape of the 17-year-old will begin. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Laura Re: Printer spitting paper Dear Webby, Dear Webby, My Brother printer keeps spitting paper onto the floor when it ejects the printed pages. Is there a way to stop that? Laura Dear Laura That's typical for most Brother printers. Just take a wire coat hanger, bend one end so that it forms a 5 inch wide rectangle. Stick the other end, that you did not modify, under the printer with the rectangle end projecting a couple of inches beyond the built in paper catcher. Bend it up slightly, and it will securely stop all the printed pages. It does not have to be strong. Once the paper eds are on it, they usually slide back down to where they belong. The alternative is to epoxy some stiff cardboard onto the paper catcher to extend it. Don't mess with the insides of the printer. The fast ejection is actually a good feature. They just traditionally have too short paper catchers. Have FUN! DearWebby
At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coastguard on the point and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge any more. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheddar Baked Mac and Cheese Recipe By sharon6345 [38 Posts, 95 Comments] Here is a baked macaroni and cheese that will be divine. I don't know about you, but I love baked mac and cheese. There is nothing better than a well made dish that you have prepared. Have fun and please share. Total Time: 45 min Yield: 5 Ingredients: 4 pinch seasoning salt 1 1/2 cup milk 2 eggs 3 tsp butter elbow macaroni 1 block of sharp cheddar cheese 1 block of cheddar cheese Steps: Boil your desired amount of elbow noodles. Add salt and oil to your cooking water. I use half a box as I normally feed a few people. Grate the cheddar and sharp cheddar cheese. I think Cracker Barrel is the best cheddar for this dish. I grate a block of each. You can get it in white or yellow. The color does not matter. When the macaroni is done, pour into colander. Rinse the pot with cold water to cool it down. Drop the warm noodles back in the pot. Add your favorite milk, eggs, the butter, and most of your cheese. I use three seasonings with a few shakes. You want just enough to taste the seasoning flavor, but not over powering. Mix it all up until it's nice and smooth. Put in your oven dish. Spread the rest of the cheese over the top. Put it in the over on 350 F for about 30 minutes. Turn the oven down for about 15 minutes and it's done. ____________________________________________________
An Amazing Story
____________________________________________________ Teacher to a third grade student: "Billy, if both of your parents were born in 1967, how old are they now?" Billy: "It depends." Teacher: "It depends on what?" Billy: "It depends on whether you ask my father or my mother." ___________________________________________________
The dapper daredevil photographer.
___________________________________________________ Concluding his exam, the doctor said to his patient, "Mr. Franklin, I find very little wrong with you. You are in surprisingly good health despite being quite overweight. My advice to you is this: If you want to stay healthy, give up those intimate little dinners for two unless you have someone to share them with."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A customer at Green's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the proprietor's quick wit and intelligence. "Tell me, Green, what makes you so smart?" "I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Green replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll let you in on it. Fish heads. You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant." "You sell them here?" the customer asks. "Only $4 apiece," says Green. The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he isn't any smarter. "You didn't eat enough, " says Green. The customer goes home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and this time he's really angry. "Hey, Green," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for $4 a piece when I can buy the whole fish for $2. You're ripping me off!" "You see?" says Green. "You're schmarter already."

Today, on July 12, in
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria.
There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them safely
the rest of the way to Constantinople by August 1. 

1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife,
Catherine Parr. 

1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated the
Roman Catholic army of James II. 

1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies at
the Battle of Aughrim, Ireland. 

1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution providing
for the election of priests and bishops. 

1806 The Confederation of the Rhine was established in Germany. 

1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle where
Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the outskirts of
Washington, DC. 

1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was
patented by William W. Lyman. 

1912 The first foreign-made film to premiere in America, "Queen
Elizabeth", was shown. 

1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe for the first

1946 "The Adventures of Sam Spade" was heard on ABC radio for
the first time. 

1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch®. 

1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records
by surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the first
31 days of its opening. 

1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs rolled
off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI. 

1990 Russian republic president Boris N. Yeltsin announced his
resignation from the the Soviet Communist Party. 

1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals
between France and Brazil. France won 3-0. 

2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. The
module was built to be the living quarters for the International
Space Station (ISS.) 

2017  smiled.

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More than two hard drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 11

Thank you, Gene!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man caught with van full of weed told police, 
‘It’s all for me’. Jailed now.
Today, July 11 in
1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the
church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church
by Pope Clement VII. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881) Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few. --- Pythagoras ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Funk AFTER ENDURING MANY TRIPS to the supermarket with my 11-month-old son, I finally discovered that the way to keep him from taking things off the shelves was to place the cart in which he was riding in the exact center of the aisle. As I selected what I needed, my son tried in vain to reach the items on either side. Just then another woman with a small child came down the aisle. Glancing at my frustrated son, she quipped, "Finally! Successful arms control!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Smiles from the bible Q. What do they call pastors in Germany? A. German Shepherds. Q. Who was the greatest financier in the Bible? A. Noah. He was floating his stock while everyone else was in liquidation. Q. Who was the greatest female financier in the Bible? A. Pharaoh's daughter. She went down to the bank of the Nile and drew out a little prophet. Q. What kind of motor vehicles are in the Bible? A. Jehovah drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden in a Fury. David's Triumph was heard throughout the land. Also, probably a Honda, because the apostles were all in one Accord. Q. Who was the greatest comedian in the Bible? A. Samson. He brought the house down. Q. What excuse did Adam give to his children as to why he no longer lived in Eden? A. Your mother ate us out of house and home. Q. Which servant of God was the most flagrant lawbreaker in the Bible? A. Moses. He broke all 10 commandments at once. Q. Which area of Palestine was especially wealthy? A. The area around Jordan. The banks were always overflowing. Q. Who is the greatest baby sitter mentioned in the Bible? A. David. He rocked Goliath to a very deep sleep. Q. Which Bible character had no parents? A. Joshua, son of Nun. Q. Why didn't they play cards on the Ark? A. Because Noah was standing on the deck. (Groannn...) ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shane Prosser, 50, Caerau, Bridgend, South Wales, Britain Man caught with van full of weed told police, ‘It’s all for me’. Jailed now. A drug dealer who was busted with a van described as ‘full to the brim’ with weed tried to convince police that it was all for him. Shane Prosser, 50, had hundreds of pounds worth of cannabis in his van – and was busted when passing traffic cops noticed the stench. The drug dealing driver and his passenger claimed they had just bought the cannabis and were going to use it for their own personal use. Police also found a key to a nearby farm. The farm in Coytrahen, Bridgend, South Wales, turned out to be the site of Prosser’s ‘substantial’ cannabis-growing factory. Prosser denied producing cannabis and possession with intent to supply but was found guilty at Cardiff Crown Court. Prosser, from Caerau, near Bridgend, was jailed for two years and eight months. ‘As well as the drugs within the vehicle, we later uncovered evidence of a cannabis-growing operation at a farm owned by Prosser.’ Detective Sergeant Kerslake from South Wales Police said: ‘Our officers saw straight through his lies and so did the jury. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Reta Re: More than two hard drives Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Is it possible to have more than two hard drives without converting the whole system to SCUSI and throwing out the old hard drives ? Thanks Reta Dear Reta Yes, sure you can. Just get a removable USB hard drive. They are in a little, flat case about the size of a package of cigarettes (Canadian style, not Winston style) and have a cable that connects to any free USB port. They are cheap. I have seen them for under $100 for a 1 TB drive. Have FUN! DearWebby
>From Adam Dear Webby, once you had a list of definitions about common phrases that women use. Can you please print them again? Thanks Adam Here they are: Definitions of words and terms for men so they might understand what women are really saying. We suggest that each woman make a copy for the man in her life. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'. GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." GO AHEAD At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean and Freshen Artificial Flowers and Plants By Jackie H. [235 Posts, 111 Comments] Okay, you may think this sounds strange, but it works. I have mostly fresh green plants in my large front window in my home. But, I like the look of plants, so I decorate other areas with artificial flowers and plants. They only bad thing is, they get dusty. And then they look horrible when dusty. Clean and Freshen Artificial Flowers and Plants About every 6 months, "it's bath time" Yes, bath time! I bring all my artificial plants and flowers to the bathroom floor, I fill my bathtub with about 4 inches of warm water and 3 capfuls of Downy or Snuggle. Mix it around. First I do the silk flowers, I try to hold as many as possible of the stems in my hand, holding the stems, I take them turn them upside down and gently swish the flowers and leaves around in the water. This shakes off the dusty and revitalizes the brightness to their color again. Do this for only about 15 seconds. Take them out and lie them nicely on a thick bath towel. Spread them out until they dry. For the potted plants, if the plant stems can be removed, do so and repeat what I did above. If the plant stems are glued it to the pot, take the pot, turn it upside down, only getting the leaves or flowers wet (not the artificial soil) holding the pot, and now swish the leaves and/or flowers for about 15 seconds and then keep the plant upside down on the towel, you may have to lean it against a door or cabinet so it does not fall over until the wetness dries. This works, and leaves your plants and flowers not only dust free but a nice fresh smell that last for quite a while. I have been doing this for quite some time and most likely years, to these same plants. And they don't seem to mind. :) Try it, you will like it! ____________________________________________________
When you find out everyone else got a raise.
____________________________________________________ On the way to preschool, the doctor had left her stethoscope on the car seat, and her little girl picked it up and began playing with it. "Be still, my heart," thought the doctor, "my daughter wants to follow in my footsteps!" Then the child spoke into the instrument, "Welcome to McDonald's. Do you want fwies wif that ?" ___________________________________________________
Think you've had a bad day?
___________________________________________________ Having moved into his first apartment, our son invited my husband and me for a visit. As we walked in, our son asked if we'd like a cold drink. Mentally patting myself on the back for teaching him to be such a gracious host, I said, "Yes, what do you have?" He walked over to the refrigerator, opened the door, studied the contents, and then replied, "I have pickle juice or water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >from Chris: I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the Mommy test you have to be the daddy."

Today, on July 11, in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in

1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the
church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church
by Pope Clement VII. 

1708 The French were defeated at Oudenarde, Malplaquet, in the
Netherlands by the Duke of Marlborough and Eugene of Savoy. 

1742 A papal decree was issued condemning the disciplining
actions of the Jesuits in China. 

1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the
Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. 

1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by "An
Act for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the U.S.
Congress. The act also created the U.S. Marine Band. The Marines
were first commissioned by the Continental Congress on November
10, 1775. 

1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury,
Alexander Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a

1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early
began an invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next

1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first
American chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal
while in office. 

1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through
the Telstar I satellite. 

1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 

1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth.
It burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the
Indian Ocean and Australia. 

1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for
stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought
he may have to re-operate. 

1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the
United States and Vietnam. 

1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped
off emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she
had discovered a lump in her breast. Nelson was at the Amundsen-
Scott South Pole Research Center. 

2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was

2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his
Harley Davidson motorcycle. 

2017  smiled.

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Email forwarding reward hoax 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 10

Tonight, I was stalking,
big knife in hand, quietly walking,
by the light of the full moon and stars,
and the silence not broken by cars,
stalking the wild rhubarb at the corner.

OK, you continue that.

I ripped out a bunch of rhubarb, whacked off the leaves
with the knife and hauled the stalks inside. Cut them into
half inch long pieces, simmered them with a teaspoon
of molasses, 4 shakes of Cinnamon and some honey.
Heavenly desert!
Some day I'll make a rhubarb pie, but not tonight.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Oklahoman carged with assaulting roomie 
for silliest reason
Today, July 10 in
1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI 
declared war on England. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Management is doing things right; leadership is doing the right things. --- Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005) "Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are." --- George Eliot Don't ever take a fence down until you know the reason it was put up. --- G. K. Chesterton I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. --- Thomas Jefferson Everyone rises to their level of incompetence. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ------ except in the lamestream media, where they start at that level. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son- in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Desper, 28, West Goshen, Pennsylvania Oklahoman carged with assaulting roomie for silliest reason Jerome Dewayne Whyte, 23, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma An argument over “whether ‘Star Wars’ or ‘Star Trek’ was a better movie” turned violent Saturday afternoon when an Oklahoma man shoved his roommate to the ground and began choking the male victim, police allege. According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, the cinematic dispute resulted in the arrest of Jerome Dewayne Whyte, 23, for the assault of Burke Bradley Warren, 19. During the “Star Wars”/”Star Trek” argument, Warren “became so frustrated” with Whyte that he left the pair’s shared living area and went to his room. As he departed, Warren told Whyte, “You’re just a trick.” That comment prompted Whyte to follow Warren into his room, where Whyte allegedly twice shoved his roommate to the floor and then sought to “choke out the victim,” police reported. While being strangled, Warren “went in and out of consciousness.” Since police judged Whyte to be the “aggressor in this altercation,” he was arrested for assault and battery. He was also charged with marijuana possession. A post-arrest computer check revealed that Whyte had outstanding arrest warrants in connection with prior convictions for passing bad checks and child abuse. In both of those cases, Whyte failed to pay fines and restitution ordered at the time of his sentencing. It is unknown which film Whyte, seen in the above mug shot, believed to be superior. Whyte is currently locked up in the Oklahoma County jail. He loks likme he just realkized, "Oh. sh**, with outstanding warrants and unpaid fines, he was supposed to be on his best behavior, but now he'll go to jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ilah Re: Email tracking Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Is this another hoax? It's the same oldstory - Microsoft will track forwarded e-mails and send checks for huge amounts to senders etc. etc. etc. Faithful Webby Fan Ilah Dear Ilah Microsoft does not have the technology for tracking forwarded emails and is not interested in giving away money. Just send the forwarders to http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby
Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Denver the guilty dog on Good Morning America
____________________________________________________ Morris, a union plumber was called to woman's apartment in New York to repair a leaking pipe. When he arrived he was pleased to discover that the woman was quite a luscious, well-stacked babe, and during the course of the afternoon the two became extremely friendly. About 5.30 p.m. the phone rang, disturbing the bedroom shenanigans. "That was my husband," she said, "He's on his way home, but is going back to the office around 8. Come back then, dear, and we can take up where we left off." Morris, the union plumber looked at the woman in disbelief. ....."What? On my own time??" ___________________________________________________
I'll never be an art connoisseur because I wouldn't give a dime for any of these "master pieces!"
___________________________________________________ Definitions Day ADULT : A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR : A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL : Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS : The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE : A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST : Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP : A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. HANDKERCHIEF : Cold Storage. INFLATION : Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO : An insect that makes you like flies better. RAISIN : Grape with a sunburn. SECRET : Something you tell to one person at a time. TOOTHACHE : The pain that drives you to extraction. TOMORROW : One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN : An honest Opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES : Something other people have. You have character lines.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother . 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do.

Today, on July 10, in
1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under the
leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria. 

1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony. 

1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in New York

1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared
war on England. 

1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was
sold by Spain. 

1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil. 

1900 ‘His Master’s Voice’, was registered with the U.S. Patent
Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, and later, RCA
Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking into the horn of a
gramophone machine. 

1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an
altitude of one mile. 

1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 134
degrees in Death Valley, CA. 

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was hand delivered to the U.S.
Senate by President Wilson. 

1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures. 

1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world. 

1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II. 

1947 Saab introduced the Model 92 prototype as its first

1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented.
The picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12. 

1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began
at Kaesong. 

1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time in
133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown. 

1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea after
heavy fighting. 

1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The
satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between Europe and
the U.S. 

1962 Fred Baldasare swam the English Channel underwater. It was
a 42 miles and took 18 hours. 

1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after three
centuries of British colonial rule. 

1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, it was
renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced that they
would continue to sell "New" Coke. 

1991 Boris Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first elected
president of the Russian republic. 

1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against South
Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward racial

1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton
supported a theory that all humanity descended from an "African
Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. 

1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand. 

1999 The heads of six African nations that had troops in the
Democratic Republic of the Congo signed a cease-fire agreement
that would end the civil war in that nation. 

2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents"
sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's. 

2015 In South Carolina, the Confederate flag was removed from
the Capitol grounds and taken to a state military museum. 

2017  smiled.

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Adding memory 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 6

By the time you red this, I will be in Calgary getting
sharp needles poked into my eyeballs and all kinds of 
freezing and cleaning and disinfecting, and Lucentis 
squirted into the Macular, behind the retina.

That means no Friday, Saturday or Sunday issue of the 
Humor Letter, and no email answered. No  Skype either.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:

Today, July 6 in
1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston,
MA, and deported back to England. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Associate yourself with men of good quality if you esteem your own reputation for 'tis better to be alone than in bad company. --- George Washington (1732 - 1799) Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack. --- Richter cartoon caption ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Years ago, when our daughters were very young, we'd drop them off at our church's children's chapel on Sundays before the eleven o'clock service. One Sunday, just as I was about to open the door to the small chapel, the minister came rushing up in full vestments. He said he had an emergency and asked if I'd speak to the children at their story time. He said the subject was the Twenty-third Psalm. But just as I was about to get up from the back row and talk about the good shepherd, the minister burst into the room and signaled to me that he would be able to do the story time after all. He told the children about sheep, that they weren't smart and needed lots of guidance, and that a shepherd's job was to stay close to the sheep, protect them from wild animals and keep them from wandering off and doing dumb things that would get them hurt or killed. He pointed to the little children in the room and said that they were the sheep and needed lots of guidance. Then the minister put his hands out to the side, palms up in a dramatic gesture, and with raised eyebrows said to the children, "If you are the sheep then who is the shepherd?" He was pretty obviously indicating himself. A silence of a few seconds followed. Then a young visitor said, "Jesus! Jesus is the shepherd!" The young minister, obviously caught by surprise, said to the boy, "Well, then, who am I?" The little boy frowned thoughtfully and then said with a shrug, "I guess you must be a sheep dog." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replies, "a Divorce Attorney." ______________________________________________________ I remember moving that moon just a bit about 20 years ago. Feels good to see my version come back. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Desper, 28, West Goshen, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania Man Charged With Murdering Teen In Savage Road Rage Incident A Pennsylvania man has been charged with the murder of a recent high school graduate during a road rage dispute last week. David Desper, 28, turned himself in to authorities early Sunday, Chester County District Attorney Tom Hogan said at a press conference that morning. He was charged with first- and third- degree murder, possession of an instrument of crime and reckless endangering in the slaying of 18-year-old Bianca Roberson in West Goshen Township last Wednesday. "This is a story of a savage and senseless murder," Hogan said Sunday. "Bianca Roberson, 18 years old, gunned down because somebody didn't want to give way, somebody didn't want her to merge into a lane of traffic." Roberson had just graduated from Bayard Rustin High School in West Chester, Pennsylvania. She was headed to Florida's Jacksonville University in the fall, her family told local outlets last week in appeals to help them find her killer. Roberson was attempting to merge on a road in West Goshen Township where two lanes become one when she was shot. "They jockeyed for a position, and he wasn't happy," Hogan said of the suspect. "So he pulled out a gun and shot Bianca in the head, killing her instantly." The bullet that killed Roberson matched the semi-automatic handgun found in Desper's home, he added. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Fast Eddie Re: Memory Upgrade Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I have a question for you about "Memory!" (and not my own! :) Now what is the difference whatevers out there in this class of memory (You know the different levels) ? And who makes the best kind? What is going on here is that I had spoke to a friend about purchasing another stick of Ram for my computer, and he had told me that sometimes memory can cause a conflict with the computer. It may work well and may not? Why is this? And how can I tell if my RAM is in good shape? Eddie Dear Eddie Knowing you, I would guess that your memory is bunged up. 1) Get http://www.shouldiremoveit.com/ It will tell you which of your 700 utilities and fake speeder- uppers are just a scam and safe to remove. Print that list and UNinstall all that crap. Reboot. Run CrapCleaner Enjoy a fast computer. Depending on how thorough you are, it should run almost as fast as it did, when you bought it. Defragging also would help. Have FUN! DearWebby
The New York City school board has officially declared Jewish English - now dubbed Hebonics - as a third official language beside English and Ebonic. Backers of the move say the city's School District is the first in the state to recognize Hebonics as a valid language and significant attribute of New York culture. They also want to establish Hebonics before new immigrants demand Arabic to be made official. According to Howard Schollman, linguistics professor at New York University and renowned Hebonics scholar, the sentence structure of Hebonics derives from middle and eastern European language patterns, as well as Yiddish. Prof. Schollman explains, "In Hebonics, the response to any question is usually another question plus a complaint that is implied or stated. Thus: "How are you?" may be answered, "How should I be, with my feet?" Schollman says that Hebonics is a superb linguistic vehicle for expressing sarcasm or skepticism. An example is the repetition of a word with "sh" or "shm" at the beginning: "Mountains, shmountains. Stay away. You want a nosebleed?" Another Hebonics pattern is moving the subject of a sentence to the end, with its pronoun at the beginning: "It's beautiful, that dress." Schollman says one also sees the Hebonics verb moved to the end of the sentence. Thus the response to a remark such as: "He's slow as a turtle," could be: "Turtle, shmurtle! Like a fly in Vaseline he walks." Schollman provided the following examples from his textbook, Switched-On-Hebonics. Question: "What time is it?" English answer: "Sorry, I don't know." Hebonic answer: "What am I, a clock?" Remark: "I hope things turn out okay." English response: "Thanks." Hebonic response: "I should BE so lucky!" Remark: "Hurry up. Dinner's ready." English response: "Be right there." Hebonic response: "Alright already, I'm coming. What's with the 'hurry' business? A fire there is?" Remark: "I like the tie you gave me; wear it all the time." English response: "Glad you like it." Hebonic response: "So what's the matter; you don't like the other ties I gave you? Remark: "Sarah and I are engaged." English response: "Congratulations!" Hebonic response: "She could stand to gain a few pounds." Question: "Would you like to go riding with us?" English answer: "Just say when." Hebonic answer: "Riding, shmiding! Do I look like a cowboy?" To guest of honor at his birthday party: English remark: "Happy birthday." Hebonic remark: "A year schmarter you should become." Remark: "A beautiful day." English response: "Sure is." Hebonic response: "So the sun is out; what else is new?" Answering a phone call from son: English remark: "It's been a long time since you called." Hebonic remark: "You didn't wonder if I'm dead yet?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fruit Fly Trap By lalala... [829 Posts, 105 Comments] I absolutely hate fruit flies! This trap is very easy to make and works really well. I always have this trap set up on the counter, so an infestation never has a chance to take hold. :) Total Time: 5 minutes Supplies: red wine vinegar Dawn dish soap plastic wrap rubber band toothpick clear jar Steps: Put 3-4 drops of Dawn soap into the bottom of the jar. Pour 6 Tbsp. of red wine vinegar into the jar (or enough to fill it about 1/4 in.). Gently swirl the jar around to combine the ingredients. Place a piece of plastic wrap over the jar and pull it tight across the top. Secure it with a rubber band. Trim off any excess plastic. Using a toothpick, poke holes into the plastic so the flies can get in. Place your trap near any fruit you have out on the counter. Goodbye fruit flies! NOTE: I change out my mixture about every 2 weeks, more often if I am catching a lot of fruit flies. ____________________________________________________
Kristof Willerton 2013 Gold - Wow!
____________________________________________________ Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked little about the family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little said, "I was just kidding, actually, we went to Ohio." ___________________________________________________
People are AWESOME! Best videos of the month of June 2017
___________________________________________________ Ken's deer hunt 1:00am Alarm clock rings 2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed 2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up 3:00am Leave home for deep woods 3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun 3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight 4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent 4:30am Head out into woods 6:05am See eight (8) deer 6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger 6:07am "Click" 6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill 8:00am Head back to camp 9:00am Still looking for camp 10:00am Realize you don't know where the camp is -Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries 12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back 12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach 12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries 12:45pm Rescued!! 12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped 3:00pm Arrive back at camp 3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer 4:00pm Return to camp for bullets 4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again 5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you 6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in Coleman cooler eatimg your lunch. 6:01pm Load Gun 6:02pm Fire gun 6:03pm One Dead Truck 6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer! 6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner 6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire 6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire 6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods 6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator 6:26pm Start walking 6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud 6:35pm Meet great big Bear! 6:35pm Take aim 6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions. 6:37pm Climb tree 9:00pm Bear departing, wrap gun around the tree 9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone 9:04pm Start climbing down the tree 9:05pm Fall out of tree, break leg. -Midnight- Home at last -Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions. -Monday Game warden falls off chair, laughing. ------------- Here we lay a thin trail of corn into the garage, onto the orange tarp under the engine hoist. Ensure a clear line of fire from the kitchen window to the planned head of the deer and the concrete blocks just past it.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."

Today, on July 6, in
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned. 

1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston,
MA, and deported back to England. 

1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the
American Revolution. 

1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine. 

1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine.
The child used in the test later became the director of the
Pasteur Institute. 

1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between
officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question was John

1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence
captured the port of Aqaba from the Turks. 

1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt Field.
It completed the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by an

1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 

1945 Nicaragua became the first nation to formally accept the
United Nations Charter. 

1966 Malawi became a republic within the Commonwealth with Dr.
Hastings Banda as its first president. 

1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half
years. About 600,000 people died. 

1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed after
five years of house arrest by a federal court. 

1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase
Conoco, Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the time
it was the largest merger in corporate history. 

1983 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that retirement plans could
not pay women smaller monthly payments solely because of their

1985 The submarine Nautilus arrived in Groton, Connecticut. The
vessel had been towed from Mare Island Naval Shipyard. 

1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City due to
medical waste and other debris began washing up on the

1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles at
an ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was under
the terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover on
the surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red planet on
July 4th. 

1997 In Cambodia, Second Prime Minister Hun Sen ousted First
Prime Minister Norodom Ranariddh and claimed to have the capital
under his control. 

1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland after
British authorities blocked an Orange Order march in Portadown.

2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million for
the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book Spawn and the
HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled with Twist out of
court for an undisclosed amount. 

2017  smiled.

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Not obvious link to a site on the desktop 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 5

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Barely Pregnant Florida Woman Arrested 
For Cupcake Battery
Today, July 5 in
1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made 
its debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris.
Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Don't waste yourself in rejection, nor bark against the bad, but chant the beauty of the good. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The high-school girl confessed to her kindly old rabbi that she'd often have sex with her boyfriend in the front seat of his car. "Now my daughter," consoled the rabbi, "I'm sure if you think about it, you'll know you've been doing something wrong." "Yeah, I guess you right." replied the cheerleader. "Maybe it would be more comfortable in the back seat." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher..I schure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?" ______________________________________________________ El-Matador State Beach, California _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Latonya Daugherty, 24, Edddie Yaddow, 30, Vero Beach, Floriduh Barely Pregnant Woman Arrested For Cupcake Battery A pregnant Florida woman was arrested for domestic battery after pelting her brother with frosted cupcakes during a 1:45 AM argument Saturday in the family's Vero Beach residence, police report. According to cops, Latonya Daugherty, 24, was quarreling with her 30-year-old sibling when the verbal argument escalated. Daugherty (seen above) allegedly picked up frosted cup cakes and threw them at Edddie Yaddow. The cupcakes, an arrest affidavit notes, struck Yaddow in the arm and chest. Yaddow, investigators say, retaliated by removing frosting off his arms and wiping it in her hair. Yaddow, pictured at right, also allegedly kicked Daugherty in the stomach. In an interview with police, Daugherty's mother described her daughter as the initial primary aggressor as she threw cupcakes. But Yaddow's reaction, cops concluded, exceeded a reasonable response in self defense, prompting officers to arrest him for aggravated battery. Daugherty--who told police that she was about four to six weeks pregnant--was released from jail Saturday evening after posting $1000 bond. Yaddow remains locked up in lieu of $10,000 bond on the felony battery charge. While police took note of the blue frosting in Daugherty's hair, the cupcakes themselves were not collected as evidence. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Shortcuts to sites Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Is there anyway to put a short cut to a favorite internet site on my desktop and not make it obvious? Tom Dear Tom There sure is, but it's a secret. You have to swear never to tell it to an officer or burocrat who outranks you. Millions of readers in the military and in companies, where they are not allowed email newsletters like the Humor Letter, depend on you to keep it secret. OK, here is the secret procedure: Go to that site, for example http://webby.com/humor Add it to the Favorites to save the favicon Grab the icon on the left side of the address bar and drag it to an empty space on your desktop. Hit F2 and rename the icon title to something related to work If the icon that shows up is too obvious, change the icon to a spreadsheet or word processor icon or something that looks like it might be work related. Have FUN! DearWebby
A hacker went up to a club pro and challenged him to 18 holes of golf for $100. There was one catch, though -- the hacker gets two Gotcha's. The club pro, with his attitude, said, "No problem. Whatever the heck Gotcha's are, I'll still kick your butt all over the course. After the round, the two walked into the clubhouse. Others were stunned to see the club pro pay the hacker $100. They asked the pro how it happened. He remarked, "Well, when I was teeing off on the first hole, right in the middle of my backswing, he reached between my legs, grabbed my balls and yelled, 'Gotcha!' And you have no idea what it is like playing 18 holes waiting for the second Gotcha..."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Souvenirs When You Travel When buying souvenirs when you travel try to buy something that you or the person you are buying it for can actually use. Try to avoid buying something that will just be sold at your next garage sale. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com I bought my dad some of those photo placemats about 40 years ago. Since then, he has bought placemats on every one of his trips, and has accumulated quite a formidable collection by now. By using different ones every day, they will probably outlast him. In the meantime he has breakfast at a different scenic location every day, even when he is travelling just to his breakfast nook in his wintergarden. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Man films tree in woods for one year
____________________________________________________ The Governor made room on his busy calendar to hear the plea of one Senora Rodriguez that her husband be released from the state penitentiary. "What was he sentenced for?" asked the Governor gently. "For stealing a bread truck," replied the offender's wife, nervously fingering her mantilla. "Is he a good husband?" "No," she replied frankly, blushing a bit. "He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he's unfaithful, and really not much good at all." "It sounds to me as though you're better off without him," said the Governor. "Why on earth do you want him out of jail?" "Well," she explained, "we're out of bread again." ___________________________________________________
I dislike spiders (no, I hate spiders!) but this one is fascinating.
___________________________________________________ Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A young Navajo man excitedly calls his mother to say he's been in love awhile, she's the ideal girl, and he is going marry her. "Oh, that's wonderful. Hurry up and bring her over," his mother says with the excitement and impatience typical of mothers. "Not so soon," he laughs. "I want to see how well you know your son. I'm going to bring her over with two friends. You guess which one is her." The next day, he brings three beautiful Navajo women into his mother's house, sits them down on the couch, and they chat pleasantly for awhile. He then says, "Okay, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing! You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."

Today, on July 5, in
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt to
retake Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to
declare independence from Spain. 

1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior British
force at Chippewa, Canada. 

1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers. 

1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the press
after German Democrats advocate a revolt against Austrian rule. 

1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan Island in
China and then occupied it. 

1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and distributed
supplies to the citizens. 

1865 William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren started on the first
successful transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by
two women. They started in New York City and arrived in San
Diego, CA, on September 12, 1916. 

1935 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor
Relations Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize for
the purpose of collective bargaining. 

1940 During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government in
France broke diplomatic relations. 

1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet

1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the Soviet
salient. It was the largest tank battle in history. 

1946 The bikini bathing suit, created by Louis Reard, made its
debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris.
Micheline Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 

1948 Britain's National Health Service Act went into effect,
providing government-financed medical and dental care. 

1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first time at
Osan, South Korea. 

1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the
junction transistor. 

1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old
"exclusionary rule," deciding that evidence seized with
defective court warrants could be used against defendants in
criminal trials. 

1989 Former U.S. National Security Council aide Oliver North
received a $150,000 fine and a suspended prison term for his
part in the Iran-Contra affair. The convictions were later

1991 Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of Credit
and Commerce International (BCCI) in eight countries. The charge
was fraud, drug money laundering and illegal infiltration into
the U.S. banking system. 

1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with the
launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars. 

2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian hijacker
after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 15 passengers
aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner. 

2017  smiled.

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Çat 6 cable 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 4
Happy Independence Day in the US!
Happy Independence Day in the Philippines!
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin registered sex offender beat toddler to death
Today, July 4 in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the
President of the Continental Congress in America. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first
time in over four hundred years. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The days of the digital watch are numbered. --- Tom Stoppard Advertising is a valuable economic factor because it is the cheapest way of selling goods, particularly if the goods are worthless. --- Sinclair Lewis (1885 - 1951) Reason is immortal, all else mortal. --- Pythagoras ------- That is why my good ol friend Pythagoras will be remembered forever! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Billy Joe came visitin' up north, and decided he wanted to do something he could never do in the south... SNOW SKIING. Unfortunately, before he ever made it UP the hill so he could try and come DOWN the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they said they were refusing to cover the injury. "WHAT?!" yelled Billy Joe into the phone. "And why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?" "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That proves you are an idiot... and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," Bob replied. "Is that the same thing?" ______________________________________________________ Happy Independence Day USA and Phillipines! St Augustine, Florida lighthouse _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan J. Maravilla, 30, Green Bay, Wisconsin Wisconsin sex offender charged after he beat a toddler to death. On May 25, St. Mary's Hospital in Green Bay, Wisconsin, called police when a 16-month-old girl died from her injuries after being taken there by her mother. "The autopsy revealed that there was extreme amounts of abuse and the bruising on the child, which led us to believe that there were repeated acts of this abuse of an extended period of time, which this baby was susceptible to," said Captain Kevin Warych of the Green Bay Police Department. The man responsible for the toddler's death and repeated injuries is 30-year-old Juan J. Maravilla, her mother's boyfriend. Maravilla, who is a convicted sex offender, admitted to beating the little girl. He's being charged with first degree reckless homicide and child abuse intentionally causing harm. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Cat 6 Cable Dear Webby, Dear Webby, You had posted a link to Dalco.com a few times and I took great advantage of it. I bought a lot of stuff from there and have been quite happy. On their latest email flyer they list network cable, 50 feet for $2. Is that a mis-print or poor cable or what? Here, downtown, a 10 foot cable costs $25. Steve Dear Steve Cat 6 Cables Dalco Cat6 Shielded Patch Cable - 10 Ft Blue SKU: 70022 MPN: 70022 Price: $6.95 As you can see, those cables have full boots, not cheap connectors. Can't get anything better than shielded Cat 6 with full boot! That will give you the highest speed in even the noisiest environment. They have them in any length you need. Why so cheap then? Well, Dalco probably bought dozens of trucks full of them, and then realized that half of the people who are setting up new networks now are using wireless networking. Rather than getting stuck with truckloads of cables, they seem to be selling them off at a loss. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back this famous fable: Subject: Socrates A lesson in philosophy Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you either hear or are about to repeat a rumor. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely known and lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance that ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, let's take a moment to filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and "... "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you a re about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued. "You may still pass the test though, because there is a third filter - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not re ally..." " Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" Deferring to the awesome wisdom of the sage, the man, defeated and ashamed, said nothing and walked away quietly. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that Plato was banging his wife.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Do I Remove Black Mold on the Ceiling? By Lynne [6 Posts, 38 Comments] NEVER, never, never Remove Mold with Bleach. Google it. You'll see it is the worst. Use vinegar or if you have a Shark steamer steam it off -- then Make sure you buy mold resistance primer and paint - we had this problem in our bathroom because we have no exhaust fan and my husband takes really hot showers -- since we removed it- primered it - and repainted no more mold. But please don't use Bleach it can become toxic and worse from the combination Lynne ____________________________________________________
America the Beautiful (recited by Charlie Daniels)
____________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they both had the same honesty index: zero. ___________________________________________________
Two things come to mind when I look at these photos, too busy or a bad dream.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ann for this story: A rancher needs a bull to service his cows but needs to borrow the money from the bank. The banker who lent the money comes by a week later to see how his investment is doing. The farmer complains that the bull just eats grass and won't even look at the cows. The banker suggests that a veterinarian have a look at the bull. The next week the banker returns to see if the vet helped. The farmer looks very pleased "The bull has serviced all my cows, broke through the fence, and has serviced all my neighbor's cows." "Wow," says the banker, "what did the vet do to that bull?" "Just gave him some pills," replied the farmer. "What kind of pills?" asked the banker. "I don't know," says the farmer, "but they sort of taste like peppermint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man owned a small farm in Iowa. The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years, the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week to keep him going," replied the farmer. "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," said the agent. The farmer said, "That would be me."

Today, on July 4, in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the
President of the Continental Congress in America. 

1802 The U.S. Military Academy officially opened at West Point,

1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. The
property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was for $15
million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of Discovery," led by
Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, began the exploration of the
territory on May 14, 1804. 

1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake Erie
and the Hudson River. 

1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year
experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord, MA. 

1848 In Washington, DC, the cornerstone for the Washington
Monument was laid. 

1863 The Confederate town of Vicksburg, MS, surrendered to
General Ulysses S. Grant. 

1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS. 

1886 The first rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ. 

1892 The first double-decked street car service was inaugurated
in San Diego, CA. 

1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared Hawaii
a republic. 

1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the

1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after
African-American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in a
heavyweight boxing match. 

1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight. 

1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was dedicated. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first
time in over four hundred years. 

1955 The first king cobra snakes born in captivity in the U.S.
hatched at the Bronx Zoo in New York City. 

1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 

1976 The U.S. celebrated its Bicentennial. 

1982 The Soviets performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhl

1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the
"Butcher of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of crimes
against humanity and sentenced to life in prison. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed on
Mars. A rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather data about
the surface of the planet. 

2004 In New York, the cornerstone of the Freedom Tower (One
World Trade Center) was laid on the former World Trade Center

2005 NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft took pictures as a space
probe smashed into the Tempel 1 comet. The mission was aimed at
learning more about comets that formed from the leftover
buidling blocks of the solar system. The Deep Impact mission
launched on January 12, 2005. 

2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into waters
off its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions. 

2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. It had
been closed to the public since 2001. 

2017  smiled.

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How to paste a URL into a browser 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 3
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
YouTuber Charged After Boyfriend Dies 
In Apparent Viral Video Stunt
Today, July 2 in
1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed 
granting civil rights to women. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders. --- Foster's Law Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. ---Abraham Lincoln There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. --- Indira Gandhi He who hesitates is a damned fool. --- Mae West NOW she tells me! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, the young daughter said unhappily, "Mom, do you realize some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?" The woman shot her an angry look, "How dare you talk about your father like that!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Ann After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monalisa Perez, 19, Halstad, Minnesota YouTuber Charged After Boyfriend Dies In Apparent Viral Video Stunt A pregnant YouTuber from Minnesota has been charged with second- degree manslaughter after a video stunt went tragically wrong, authorities say. Norman County Sheriff's Office allege in a criminal complaint that Monalisa Perez, 19, fatally shot her 22-year-old boyfriend Pedro Ruiz III in an accident outside their Halstad home around 6.30 p.m. Monday. The couple were reportedly trying to make a viral clip in which Perez fired a Desert Eagle .50 caliber pistol from around a foot away at a thick, hardback encyclopedia that Ruiz held to his chest. Perez reported that Ruiz believed that the book would stop the bullet, according to the criminal complaint. Ruiz had tested the trick on other books, but the projectile's force proved too powerful for the thick book and it pierced straight through the weighty tome, NBC reports. Ruiz died at the scene from a single gunshot wound as the couple's 3-year-old daughter reportedly looked on. Perez, who is 7-months pregnant with the couple's second child, regularly posted videos of the pair performing stunts and pulling pranks on each other to her YouTube channel La MonaLisa. Norman County Sheriff's Office says in its criminal complaint that it has seized two cameras containing footage that Perez told them had recorded the incident. Law enforcement officials initially arrested Perez on suspicion of reckless discharge of a gun. On Wednesday, she appeared at Norman County District Court via video link from jail in Crookston. Her charge was upgraded to second-degree manslaughter. If convicted, she faces up to 10 years in prison and a $20,000 fine. Perez posted $7,000 cash bail on condition she does not possess a firearm. Her next court appearance is scheduled for July 5. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bali Re: How to paste a URL Dear Webby, Dear Webby, How do you paste URL's in your browser? I am totally un advised. Thanks Bali Dear Bali Highlight the URL, for example http://webby.com/humor Hit CTRL C to copy it click in the browser address bar to highlight the URL that is still in there or delete the old URL then ht CTRL V to paste the new URL there. Then hit ENTER to go to the new URL. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two married friends are out drinking one night, when one turns to the other and says, "You know I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. Take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, get undressed in the bathroom, stick my foot in the toilet and pee down my leg to prevent splashing sounds. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late." His friend looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, pee hard into the toilet water, then use the full flush, throw my shoes in the closet, undress in the bedroom, then jump into bed, slap her on the butt and say 'WHO'S READY FOR FUN?!' She always acts like she's sound asleep. Works every time!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Killing Grass in Rock Ground Cover By Cyinda [213 Posts, 1,286 Comments] If you have the liquidation store "Big Lots" in your area, each spring & summer (& sometimes the rest of the year) they sell their own brand of Landscaping Cloth. It's only $3.99 for a 4 foot x 20 yard roll (It's cost twice that much at Home Depot). If you can remove the rocks, & put Landscaping Cloth down with your rocks on top of it, your effort will be rewarded! If not, then you can use Plain Boiling Water & if THAT doesn't work, then use household vinegar & if THAT doesn't work, then use the stronger Vinegar you can buy where they sell Plant nursery supplies. REMEMBER, start with the least toxic, then work your way up to the strongest. Whatever you pour on the ground, ends up in our ground water! ____________________________________________________
3D house printed in 24 hours
____________________________________________________ Cindy asked her mother, "Do all fairy tales begin with, 'Once upon a time?'" Her mother answered, "No, dear. Once in a while they begin with 'I'll be working late at the office tonight.'" "Does Daddy tell you fairy tales like that?" "He used to." "What made him stop?" "One day he told me he'd be working late, and I said, 'Can I depend on that?'" ___________________________________________________
This Mysterious Fortress In Russia Has Experts Baffled As To Its Origins
___________________________________________________ >Thanks to Dianne for this story: Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the sheetrock is screwed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad in the personals column." he suggested.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what the student was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was intended, he asked the student to first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. Puzzled, the student followed after him to ask the purpose of this action. "It will give me time to run away," said the professor.

Today, on July 3, in
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain. 

1775 U.S. Gen. George Washington took command of the Continental
Army at Cambridge, MA. 

1790 In Paris, the marquis of Condorcet proposed granting civil
rights to women. 

1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a
commercial treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports to
U.S. merchants and protected the rights of American citizens in

1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended after
three days. It was a major victory for the North as Confederate
troops retreated. 

1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company
introduced the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was called the

1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish ships
in Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade of U.S.
naval forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were destroyed in
the battle that followed. 

1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced
between Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 

1939 Chic Young's comic strip character, "Blondie" was first
heard on CBS radio. 

1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break out
of the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 

1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 

1945 U.S. troops landed at Balikpapan and take Sepinggan
airfield on Borneo in the Pacific. 

1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 1942
was driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor Company plant
in Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted due to World War

1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the
Pyongyang-Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first air-strike
of the Korean War. 

1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years
after the end of World War II. 

1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting
underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 150

1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare
illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases was
later named AIDS. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New York
Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue of

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the
Mount Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 

2017  smiled.

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How to stop W10 Nagger 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 2
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mysterious Ghost Voice Turns Out To Be 
Naked Burglar In The Chimney

Today, July 2 in
1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force
insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led
to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft.
Rumors that a few months after an alien met a sheep there,
Pelosi was born, have not been officially proven.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It's never just a game when you're winning. --- George Carlin (1937 - 2008) It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a profoundly sick society. --- Krishnamurti No one wants advice - only corroboration. --- John Steinbeck ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the convenience store." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jo Requillas Bagadiong Split Rock, Minnesota _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jordan Kajewski, 29, Carroll, Iowa Mysterious Ghost Voice Turns Out To Be Naked Guy In The Chimney Brad Sapp thought he heard a mysterious voice whisper, “Get out of here,” in the wee hours of Wednesday morning, when he was sorting cans at the redemption center he owns in Carroll, Iowa, the Daily Times Herald reports. “I honestly thought I was going crazy,” Sapp told The Huffington Post, explaining that he looked all over for the source of the voice. His wife, Carrie, teased him that the voice must have been a ghost. But nine hours later, around 10 a.m., she received a scare of her own when she heard a man yelling for help inside the center’s chimney. Oh, he was also naked. apparently did not want to get his clothews dirty. The man, later identified as 29-year-old Jordan Kajewski, called out, “I’m in the chimney,” while the couple was trying to figure out what Sapp had heard earlier. He said his wife thought the voice was his at first, but she realized what was really going on when Kajewski said again, “I’m in the chimney!” Kajewski told them he fell in while playing hide and seek, but Sapp didn’t quite buy it. He accused the man of trying to break into the redemption center. Sapp stuck by his hide-and-seek story. The couple called 911, and rescue workers were able to get Kajewski out. He was then arrested on trespassing charges, according to the Times Herald. Sapp said he has no clue why Kajewski was naked, though the man did have some clothes with him. The chimney doesn’t seem wide enough for someone to undress inside, which means that Kajewski likely took off his clothes before entering. Though they weren’t exactly well-acquainted, Sapp said he had met Kajewski when the man came in on a few previous occasions to ask for a job. Sapp wasn’t hiring. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wesley Re: W10 upgrade nagger nuisance Dear Webby, I have a Fujitsu laptop which is running Win 7 Pro. This laptop is 7 years old. I like it and my wife uses it with her computerized embroydery sewing machine. I continualy get a notice that updates are available. When I check on those it has always been a failure notice that says Win 10 upgrade failed. I don't want Win 10 on that computer. Is there a way to stop this attempt? Wes I enjoy your news letter very much. I have passed your site info on to many folks. Dear Wes Can't blame you. I refuse W10 as well. I attached what I used, years ago, to stop that nonsense. They have not bothered me since. Gmail MIGHT try to block the zip file or the exe. Let me know if you got them. If not, you can download them from here: http://webby.com/tool/10-NO/README.txt http://webby.com/tool/10-NO/ Have FUN! DearWebby
A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in-law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the wife awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother- in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The silly lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it. Im am not going to shoot her to save a lion."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap White Washcloths for Everyday By Judy, Oklahoma [60 Posts, 749 Comments] If you have young children or teenagers who wear make-up, purchasing a bulk package of plain white washcloths can be very economical! I used to have nice, thick washcloths with pretty designs until I began to have kids. Then it seemed like whenever my kids needed to wash their faces or take a bath, they always seemed to grab the best washcloths. Even my husband seemed to gravitate towards them for the dirty job of wiping grubby little dirt (or food) stained hands and faces. Pretty soon my nice washcloths were ugly and stained! It got even worse when my oldest (a girl) began to wear make-up, then we could add lipstick, mascara, and eye liner to the dirt, fruit punch stains, and even the occasional "boo-boo" blood and cake frosting! The final straw was when my oldest son decided to try the 'gothic-look' and added HIS black eye liner to the mix! And then they began to experiment with the hair dye... I went to the store and bought a big 12 pack of white washcloths for the family bathroom. What remained of the nice stuff was kept in the master bathroom for me (or to be brought out for company). It didn't matter how dirty and stained they got, I could toss them in the washer with some bleach and get the stains out. When they got too grubby looking, they got sent to the rag box. It's been 10 years since I started this habit and I am only on my 2nd pack of 12 white washcloths! Since we've added 5 grandkids to the mix, I'm sure we'll continue this practice for a few more years as you can tell from my twin grandsons Riley and Rhaynan on their 2nd birthday! ;D By lyonpridej from OK You can get those at the Dollar General store and sometimes at the Dollar store. Home Depot has packs of 12"x 12" Microfiber cloths that are not fluffy, but even more absorbent. For spills, that are not quite serious enough to haul out the Wet/Dry Vaccum, those are ideal. Each one soaks up a mug's worth of liquid. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Sounds of Silence. What are We Doing?"
____________________________________________________ >From Linda Johnny, where's your homework? Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand. My dog ate it, was his solemn response. Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that? It's true, Miss Martin, I swear it is, insisted Johnny. I had to smear it with honey, but I finally got him to eat it. ___________________________________________________
2017 National Geographic photographer of the year contest in city scapes.
___________________________________________________ A college student with a young child was pleased when her daughter became eligible to attend the day care center at the University. The director of the day care gave the mother a tour of the facilities. To assure herself of the center's high standards, the young mother asked about the curriculum. "Well," said the director, eyes twinkling, "today we are studying the children's favorite philosopher: Play-Doh."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves some privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."

Today, on July 2, in
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf
of Nassua near Worms, Germany. 

1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of

1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of
Marston Moor near York, England. 

1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an
Anglo-Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of

1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American colonies
"are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was
adopted by the Continental Congress. 

1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein,

1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing
apparatus. (Patent US7476 A) 

1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened
for business. 

1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 

1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in the
Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the

1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated.

1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped
land mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 

1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force
insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led
to speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft.
Rumors that 9 months after an alien met a sheep there Pelosi was
born, have not been officially proven.

1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was
the first Walmart store. 

1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of
1964" into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to
discriminate against others because of their race. 

1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in
response to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the
Marine base at Con Thien. 

1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not
inherently cruel or unusual. 

1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration
for males 18 years of age. 

1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 

1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his
homeade airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-
filled weather balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for
about an hour. 

1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic
road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 

1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, Bill
Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's richest

1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged
that U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American
defectors during the Vietnam War. 

2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action Party
(PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the Institutional
Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential election. The PRI
had controlled the presidency in Mexico since the party was
founded in 1929. 

2017  smiled.

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Copyright Symbol 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 1

Happy Canada Day!
About 850 years after the Vikings colonized Newfoundland, on
July 1 in 1867 Canada became an independent nation. 

Take the fireworks out of the BBQ!
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen Missing 13 Months Rescued From Georgia Home
Kidnapper arrested
Today, July 1 in
1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of the
Somme began in France. The battle was the first to use tanks.

See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three may keep a secret, if two of them are dead. --- Benjamin Franklin (1706 - 1790) An expert is a person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field. --- Niels Bohr ____________________ That used to be true. Nowadays an expert is anybody who agrees with the propaganda pushed by CNN. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Three weeks after her wedding day, Maureen called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Bob: One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Ren Wysolovski, 31, Duluth, Georgia Teen Missing 13 Months Rescued From Georgia Home Kidnapper arrested A 17-year-old North Carolina girl who disappeared from her home more than a year ago was rescued after her family received a tip on Facebook. Hailey Burns, who was 16 when she was abducted in 2016, was found in 31-year-old Michael Ren Wysolovski’s home in Duluth, Georgia on Saturday, according to the FBI. Wysolovski has been charged with aggravated sodomy, cruelty to children, deprivation in the first degree, interference with custody and false imprisonment. A judge on Monday ordered Wysolovski held without bond. Burns was reunited with her family on Sunday. “Hailey is so happy to be home and safe,” her mother, Shaunna Burns, said in a statement to The Atlanta Journal-Constitution. “She is happy to be in her clothes. … In her bed. With her family.” The girl’s parents discovered she was missing from their Charlotte, North Carolina home on the morning of May 23, 2016. There was no sign at the time of forced entry into the home, police said. “We woke up one morning to go wake her up for school like we do every single day and there was nobody there,” her father, Tony Burns, told Charlotte’s WCNC News last year. The teen’s parents told WCCB News she has Asperger’s Syndrome and struggled to make friends. “She really wasn’t 16, she was like maybe 12, so naive and so impressionable and so easily manipulated,” her mom said. Police suspect Wysolovski met the teen online and lured her out of her home. Authorities had no leads on her whereabouts, leading the FBI to offer a $15,000 reward for information in the case. On June 22, Tony Burns posted on Facebook that 394 days had passed since he’d last seen his daughter. “I see her room empty and pictures around me and just wish I could hug my little girl again,” he wrote. “I miss her so very much.” Unbeknownst to Tony Burns, a break in the case was just days away. According to WSOC-TV, a woman from Romania contacted the teen’s parents via Facebook on Friday and told them she had been in contact with the girl online, but did not know where she was being held. All the tipster had was a photo the teen had taken out a window of Wysolovski’s Georgia residence. The family provided that photo to the FBI and agents used it to determine the teen’s location. Authorities have not released further details about the case. Shaunna Burns told WSOC-TV her daughter has lost 15-20 pounds and is trying to readjust to life back home. “There are changes in my daughter,” she said. “She is not the same person that left and that is the hardest part of this.” Wysolovski is set to appear at his preliminary hearing on July 7. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A year or so ago (maybe 3 or 4) you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan Dear Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of course has to be on. The strip I made for laying on top of the keyboard or gluing to the bottom frame of the monitor is at http://webby.com/humor/key-codes.html It has lots of handy keyboard shortcuts on it. Have FUN! DearWebby
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Remove Water Stains in Toilet By Marty Dick [169 Posts, 1,002 Comments] I am a real nutcase about my bathrooms. Our toilets are still fairly new, so there is no need for them to have brown stains. I had a ring around my bowl and streaks coming down where the water runs into the bowl. Since I use CLR on my faucets I decided to dump some into the toilet bowl to try and get rid of that stubborn stain that wouldn't go away. It worked! Now the bowl is new potty clean. ____________________________________________________
Boys toys
____________________________________________________ The mayor of a small town in Texas decided to ride with a policeman to learn what they do when they issue a traffic ticket. The officer told the mayor, " we'll just follow a car for a few miles and the motorist will surely make a mistake somewhere on his trip." They found a guy in a Lexus and began to follow. After three miles no violations. Then six miles no violations and then after ten miles the policeman turned to the mayor and said, "I think I'll stop that driver and congratulate him on being so careful." He pulled the car to the side of the road and went slowly to the drivers window. He complemented the driver for being so careful and the driver said, "Hic! Ya gotta be careful when you're ash drunk ash I am!" ___________________________________________________
Mind bending 'Magic Realism' paintings.
___________________________________________________ >From Dana: As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off- duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my ocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the pocketbook, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. That's why the stuff is in that bushel box. And we'd like to see just how you get all of it into that purse!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large, raging violent river. Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river." Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice. After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river." Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once. Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross this river." Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

Today, on July 1, in
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a Roman
Emperor by the Egyptian legions. 

1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich. 

1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard of
Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked Cadiz, Spain. 

1690 The French defeated the forces of the Grand Alliance at
Fleurus in the Netherlands. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt. 

1863 During the U.S. Civil War, the first day's fighting at
Gettysburg began. 

1867 Canada became an independent dominion. 

1874 The Philadelphia Zoological Society zoo opened as the first
zoo in the United States. 

1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks. 

1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made out of
wood was opened in San Francisco, CA. 

1897 Three years after the first issue of "Billboard
Advertising" was published, the publication was renamed, "The

1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt and his
"Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on San Juan Hill in

1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his new "A"
type alkaline storage batteries. 

1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of the
Somme began in France. The battle was the first to use tanks.

1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened to
traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on November 7,

1941 Bulova Watch Company sponsored the first TV commercial in
New York City, NY. 

1942 German troops captured Sevestpol, Crimea, in the Soviet

1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding federal
income tax from paychecks. 

1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near Bikini
Atoll in the Pacific Ocean. 

1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem the
tide of the advancing North Korean army. 

1960 Somalia gained its independence from Britain through the
unification of Somaliland with Italian Somalia. 

1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi

1961 The first community air-raid shelter was built. The shelter
in Boise, ID had a capacity of 1,000 people and family
memberships sold for $100. 

1963 The U.S. postmaster introduced the five-digit ZIP (Zoning
Improvement Plan) code. 

1966 The Medicare federal insurance program went into effect. 

1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60
countries. It limited the spreading of nuclear material for
military purposes. On May 11, 1995, the treaty was extended

1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of

1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon the
death of her husband, Juan. 

1979 Sony introduced the Walkman. 

1980 "O Canada" was proclaimed the national anthem of Canada. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter signed legislation that
provided for 2 acres of land near the Lincoln Memorial for the
Vietnam Veterans Memorial. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that candidates for federal
office had an "affirmative right" to go on national television.

1987 John Kevin Hill, at age 11, became the youngest to fly
across the U.S. when he landed at National Airport in
Washington, DC. 

1989 The Montreal Protocol, an international treaty, went into
effect. It limited the production of ozone-destroying chemicals.
That turned out to be a hoax.

1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 

1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization
visited the Gaza Strip. 

1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from Great
Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong as a colony
for 156 years. 

1999 The U.S. Justice Department released new regulations that
granted the attorney general sole power to appoint and oversee
special counsels. The 1978 independent-counsel statute expired
on June 30. 

2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show their
opposition to anti-subversion legislation. 

2017  smiled.

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Alarm timer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, June 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Noella just told me that she has so far sent 582 video links.
Thanks, Noella!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Beloved pet killed after Alabama man shoots 
into neighbor's apartment
Today, June 29 in
1894 Korea declared independence from China and 
asked for Japanese aid. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Life is a long lesson in humility. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937) Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Dianne sent me her favorite elephant stew recipe: Dianne's Homemade Elephant Stew 1 elephant (med. size) 2 rabbits (optional) 300 Bay Leaves salt and pepper to taste water (lots of it) kerosene Cut elephant into bite size pieces. Add enough water to cover. Salt and pepper to taste. Simmer over kerosene fire about 4 days. or until tender. Serves 3,800 people. NOTE: If more people come than expected, the 2 rabbits may be added, but do this only if necessary, because most people don't like hare in their stew. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise and had a pretty woman's face painted on top of hers, so that you would not see how scarey she really is. " ______________________________________________________ Lake Louise, Alberta _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Grant Sides, 25, Birmingham, Alabama Beloved pet killed after Alabama man shoots into neighbor's apartment A Birmingham man is jailed after he reportedly opened fire inside his Highland Park apartment, killing his own dog and a dog who was asleep on the bed in the adjacent apartment. Grant Randall Sides, 25, was sought on felony warrants for a shooting complaint and two counts of aggravated cruelty to animals, according to a Crime Stoppers bulletin. Birmingham police investigated the incident, and felony warrants were obtained against him on Friday. Sides was undergoing booking at the Jefferson County Jail at 4 p.m. Monday. His bond is set at $30,000. The shooting happened about 3:30 p.m. Friday, May 26, at an apartment complex on 22nd Street South. Brandon Watkins said he was at work when his landlord called him saying his neighbor Sides had fired shots and they believe some of those bullets had entered Watkins' home. Watkins has one dog of his own, and was keeping his brother's two dogs while he and his family were out of town on vacation. He rushed home to find crime scene tape surrounding the complex. "When I got there, they let me know he had shot his dog and had shot rounds in my apartment,'' he said. "One of my brother's dogs was hit and killed." Two of the pets in Watkins' apartment were in kennels. The third 12-year-old Walter was asleep on Watkins' bed. The shooting happened in Sides' kitchen, which shares a wall with Watkins' bedroom, and the bullet bore through his pillow. At least six shots bore through his wall. "If it had been later in the night, he would have killed me," Watkins said. "Walter was on my pillow where I sleep." Neighbors told Watkins that after Sides fired the shots, he ran out of the apartment yelling that he killed someone and fled the scene. He was arrested moments later when he crashed his vehicle on Highland Avenue, but apparently made bond pending the ongoing investigation. "It's been kind of crazy," Watkins said. "It's all been a blur." Watkins said he had to call and break the news to his brother, who turned around and headed back to Birmingham. "My niece is really upset,'' he said. "She's 9 and Walter was 12 so that's all she's ever known." He said there's still blood on his carpet from where Walter collapsed after getting shot. His own dog, Lennie, is still suffering from the ordeal. "He's traumatized,'' he said. "He won't go back there." Walter's owner, Colby Watkins, said the whole thing is a sad and avoidable situation. "My friends and family are heartbroken over the loss of Walter, but it pales in comparison to the disgust and and anger about this guy killing his own dog in his own kitchen, and the blatant disregard for those around him by firing his gun indiscriminately into other people's homes,'' he said. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dani Re: Alarm timer Dear Webby, Once again I need your expertise. Could you please recommend a good Desk Top Timer? One that doesn't put a lot of other junk on the computer. Thanks in advance for you expert help. Dani Dear Dani I use Alarm.exe since about 1997 It is at http://bluefive.pairsite.com/ However, that site often requires a lot of patience. That site is way overloaded and sometimes difficult. If you have trouble getting Alarm.Exe from there, let me know and I will send you a copy of mine. I don't send attachments uninvited. Or you can download it from my Tools page at http://webby.com/tools Just scroll way down to where you see a screen shot of it. It is old-fashioned FREEware. No payload or bullshit attached, just a plain and simple alarm clock. You set the time, and when the time comes, it pops up and makes a racket. You can leave it at it's default siren, or select any sounds that you have. You can even set it to start a program or if you have a USB powered relay, you can set it to start the pump or valve for watering the garden. You can set it to repeat, like I got mine set to go off every day at a quarter to noon, because my dad comes onto Skype video at noon. That's it. No ads, no browser redirect or search redirect, absolutely nothing on the side. Just a reliable little alarm. It folds away into an icon in the right bottom ^ (More) link until it goes off. Then it pops up, shows the time and makes a racket. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Separate Spatulas When Washing While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up. ____________________________________________________
The Teenage Hussy
____________________________________________________ "Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill." ___________________________________________________
How to keep flies out of your house this summer.
___________________________________________________ A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said " Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Eda Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes. The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc., etc. Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."

Today, on June 30, in
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 

1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 

1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara
Falls on a tightrope. 

1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for
Japanese aid. 

1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-
mile radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 

1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal

1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Spain.
It was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 

1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when
the French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 

1921 U.S. President Warren G. Harding appointed former
President William Howard Taft chief justice of the United

1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the
British deputy for Northern Ireland. 

1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland. 

1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA
and bringing to power the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives."

1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when
Haile Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 

1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," was

1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea
and authorizes the draft. 

1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway
broadcasts that the United Nations was willing to discuss an
armistice with North Korea. 

1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line
in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 

1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament as a
first line buffer against the Soviet Union. 

1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was

1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission
of Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 

1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's
independence from Belgium). 

1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year
effort to bring stability to the country. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not
prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from
publishing the Pentagon Papers. 

1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The
three cosmonauts were found dead inside. The capsule sprung a
leak when it re-entered the atmosphere.

1974 Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected in
Toronto, Canada. 

1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to
the B-1 bomber. 

1984 The longest professional football game took place in the
United States Football League (USFL). The Los Angeles Express
beat the Michigan Panthers 27-21 after 93 minutes and 33

1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600
performances in "The King and I." 

1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw
homosexual acts between consenting adults. 

1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding
of the 1994 national championship and banned her from the
organization for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give
the same legal validity to an electronic signature as a
signature in pen and ink. 

2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's
orbit. The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 

2017  smiled.

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Lightning protection for DSL 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, June 29

Thank you, Moe!!!
Thank you, Allene!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:

Today, June 29 in
1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy (1940 - ) I won't take my religion from any man who never works xcept with his mouth. --- Carl Sandburg (1878 - 1967) There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke. --- Hemingway ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diana for this story: I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Sir, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jo Requillas Bagadiong from "We Love Lighthouses" Oryukdo Lighthouse in South Korea _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Shae Johnson, 22, Orlando, Florida TSA worker caught stealing cash from bag at Orlando airport Most of us have had valuables stolen by TSA employees, and of course they always stick together and deny it. Here finally one got caught. Let's hope he gets a judge, from whom TSA employees have stolen a camera or other valuables. A Transportation Security Administration employee has been arrested after video showed him stealing cash at a Florida airport. The Orlando Sentinel reports 22-year-old Alexander Shae Johnson was arrested on Thursday and records say he faces a third- degree felony grand theft charge. A passenger selected for a pat-down search while going through security at Orlando International Airport saw Johnson standing near her bag. Orlando police say she went through her bag afterward and realized cash was missing before noticing a bulge in Johnson's shirt pocket that turned out to be money. Johnson was arrested despite saying the cash was his, as video showed otherwise. The TSA said in a statement that Johnson was fired. Johnson was released on bail from the Orange County jail. ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Glen Re: Lightning protection for DSL Dear Webby, We are moving to a hilltop and are going to be hit with lightning proabbly as often as the previous owner. I am isolating the power with an electric motor driven generator, so I am not worried about power, just data. What do you recommend to use for lightning protection for the phone and DSL line? Glen Dear Glen Hyperlink Tech makes heavy industrial grade phone line lightning protectors http://www.hyperlinktech.com/web/hgln_dsl.php That will take care of lightning strikes onto phone towers and phone lines. However, I would also add active lightning strike prevention to the building. First, get perfect grounding through metal water and gas lines, plus ground rods. Then put lightning brushes or fans (bundles of sharpened metal rods) every two feet on your roof top. Connect them to ground. They ionize the air and repell and divert lightning. Next put up a metal ham radio tower or any similar metal tower six to 12 feet from the house and 50% higher than the house. Ground that to a separate ground rod system that is not directly connected to the house grounding system. If you set it up like that, even if lightning is headed for your house, it will zig-zag over to the tower and leave the house alone. Have FUN! DearWebby
Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't turn out. "That's ok," she said as she took her camera back. "I always get double prints."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Separate Spatulas When Washing By likekinds If you have spatulas with removable tips, It's best to separate them from the handles before washing. When washing the spatulas, water can get in the handle slot and remain there for a long time. This makes a good breeding ground for germs. ____________________________________________________
Dog is jealous of RoRo's "lovies"
____________________________________________________ My friend David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice. ___________________________________________________
I've eaten this before, it's good, and we have plenty growing all over our farm.
Thanks to Kati for this story: To preface this joke: They started "Dumb Blonde jokes" so brunettes & redheads could understand them. I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss asked her "...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A History professor was explaining how society's ideal of beauty changes with time. "Take Miss America in 1855," he noted. "She stood 5'1" tall, weighed 108 pounds, and had measurements of 30-25-36. How do you think she'd do in today's beauty contest?" "One student piped up, "Not very well! She'd be way too old!"

Today, on June 29, in
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 

1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth.

1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue
Acts. The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint,
paper and tea shipped to America. 

1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry
was made governor. 

1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark
Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of
members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty.
Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 

1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minot’s
Ledge, MA. 

1880 France annexed Tahiti. 

1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first
appendectomy in England. 

1903 The British government officially protested Belgian
atrocities in the Congo. 

1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all
over the country. Many ships were looted. 

1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb. 

1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an
economic efficiency measure. 

1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the
absolute monarchy. 

1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in
Palestine in an attempt to end terrorism. 

1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade
of Korea. 

1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean
peace talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 

1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of
42,500 miles of freeway from coast to coast. 

1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating Dr.
J. Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 

1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down
anti-Communist demonstrations. 

1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North
Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 

1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could
constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted
states to revise their capital punishment laws. 

1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh’s "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought
for $20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 

1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir
docked, forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit
the Earth. 

2007 The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 

2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted
the operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went
into effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the
cars to the general public. Google received the first self-
driving vehicle license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 

2017  smiled.

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Defrag how often? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, June 28

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman charged in stabbing death of 
4-year-old daughter
Today, June 28 in
1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the
Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along
with his wife, Duchess Sophie. When Austria sent troops there,
England decided to start WWI.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Mustard's no good without roast beef. --- Chico Marx (1891 - 1961) Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Ellen After living in our house for four years, we were moving out of state. My husband had backed the truck up to our garage door so that we could start loading all of the boxes. Just then one of our neighbors came walking across the lawn carrying a plate full of muffins. "Isn't that thoughtful," my husband said to me. "They must have realized that we packed our kitchen stuff." The neighbor stuck out his hand and boomed, "Welcome to the neighborhood!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laquita Lewis, 34, Houston, Texas Woman charged in stabbing death of 4-year-old daughter Officials say a woman has been charged with capital murder in the stabbing death of her 4-year-old daughter at a Houston apartment complex. Deputy Thomas Gilliland of the Harris County Sheriff's Office says 34-year-old Laquita Lewis texted family members Sunday, telling them she had hurt her child and apologizing. Gilliland says Lewis texted from the hospital, where she had been taken after being injured in a traffic accident. The relatives contacted the sheriff's office. When deputies arrived, they found Fredricka Allen dead at the apartment around 9 p.m. Authorities believe the girl was stabbed to death earlier in the day, reports CBS affiliate KHOU. Police say Lewis stabbed the girl multiple times in the chest and left her on the floor of the master bedroom, the station reports. Lewis is being held in the Harris County jail Monday. Jail records do not list an attorney to speak for her. Gilliland says deputies haven't determined why Lewis killed her daughter, though they believe she got into a fight with her boyfriend earlier Sunday. "There's not enough words to describe the horrible death of this child," Gilliland told KHOU. BLM ______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Trevor Re: Big drive defragging Dear Webby, we got a new computer in the office with a 2 TB hard drive. How often should that drive be defragged? I'm afraid it will take a whole shift to do that. Trevor Dear Trevor Partition that drive. Either do it yourself, get a program like Partition-magic, or pay somebody to do it. Make one small 20 - 30 GB partition for Windows and the software, and use the rest for storing stuff. I imagine the reason for the huge drive is to store incoming faxes. If those are just viewed and printed but not annotated or edited, then they don't change in size and rarely need defragging. That way you can just quickly defrag the small partition where Windows keeps changing things. That should only take a few minutes. Then you can defrag the big partition over night. Have FUN! DearWebby
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pet ID tags Make sure all of your pets have an ID tag with your current contact information on it. The chances of getting a lost pet back are much greater if your pet has a tag with your current phone number on it. You get can get inexpensive pet tags made at all pet store chains. Tip provided by http://www.ThriftyFun.com ____________________________________________________
Romancing the Wind
____________________________________________________ Any CEO caught using corporate funds for his own personal gains should be charged with impersonating a politician. ___________________________________________________
Why Knights fought snails in the margins of medieval books.
An editor at CNN was busy slaving away at spicing up the copy that came in from reporters, so that there was adequate blood and gore to attract viewers, and enough anti government slant to satisfy Soros, Hillary and the union, when a suit walked in and threw a folder on his desk with the remark: "Today, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "Oh no!" exclaimed the editor, "that's terrible!" People at nearby desks sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the editor sat, head in hands. Finally, the editor looked up and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I can react, the exec grabbed the microphone and screamed: "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%& CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded.

Today, on June 28, in
1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in the

1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 

1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the
Battle of Poltava. 

1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on
Charleston, SC. 

1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American
artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle
of Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his
gun after he was overcome with heat. 

1894 The U.S. Congress made Labor Day a U.S. national holiday.

1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it authorized
a canal to be built across the isthmus of Panama. 

1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the
Austro-Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along
with his wife, Duchess Sophie. When Austria sent troops there,
England decided to start WWI.

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I
exactly five years after it began. The treaty also established
the League of Nations. 

1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after three

1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an assault
on the British consulate in London. 

1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic
passenger service. 

1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet oil
fields in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of
Japanese resistance in the Philippines. 

1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from Korea,
leaving only 500 advisers. 

1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 

1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin

1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil
refineries without compensation. 

1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American
Unity to seek independence for blacks in the Western

1965 The first commercial satellite began communications
service. It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 

1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under its
sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in the
June 1967 war.

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion
conviction of Muhammad Ali. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees would
be sent to Vietnam. 

1976 The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 

1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at the
University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. Bakke,
a white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse racial

1996 The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-old
men-only policy at the South Carolina military school. 

1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight
title fight in Las Vegas, NV. 

1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease
U.S. aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law that
outlawed "partial birth abortions" was unconstitutional. About
30 U.S. states had similar laws at the time of the ruling. 

2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia
Circuit set aside an order that would break up Microsoft for
antitrust violations. However, the judges did agree that the
company was in violation of antitrust laws. 

2004 The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's
interim leadership. The event took place two days earlier than
previously announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at
undermining the transfer. 

2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 24-
year break. 

2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants could
challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 

2005 The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World Trade
Center) was formally unveiled. 

2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the endangered
species list. 

2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the
right to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 

2017  smiled.

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