Secondary email account problems 

Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 21

Thank you, Lisa!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC Woman threatens to punch babies 
if she sees mums breastfeeding
Today, July 21 in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was 
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I like pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. --- Sir Winston Churchill (1874 - 1965) We learn something every day, and lots of times it's that what we learned the day before was wrong. --- Bill Vaughan ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about stuff for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two Rednecks rob a Brink's Armored truck and all they get away with are two sacks, so they keep one each. After awhile they meet again and one asks the other, "What did you find in your sack?" "Half a million bucks." "Aw... that's a lot! What did you do with all that cash?" "I bought a house and a boat. How about your sack?" "Bah... mine was full o' bills" "And what did you do with them?" "Eh well . . . little by little, I'm paying them off." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Carly Clark, Spartanburg, South Carolina SC Woman threatens to punch babies if she sees moms breastfeeding A mother posted a hateful message to Facebook where she threatened to punch women and their babies if they breastfed in front of her. Furious parents shared the shocking social media rant in which Carly Clark said she was ‘not sorry’. Carly Clark, from South Carolina, US, made the violent threats because she said didn’t want her children to see women breastfeeding in public. ‘The next female that tries to whip her boob out to breastfeed in front of my kids will get a black eye, move that baby bc [because] I’ll punch it too [sic]. On the only full length picture online of Carly Clark she appears to have the chest of an average 12 year old boy. After finding out Carly worked as a manager at pet shop Petsense, some outraged parents sent screenshots to the company. Petsense issued an online statement claiming they did not ‘condone violence such as was recently posted by a Petsense employee’ and that she did not represent the company’s views. A few hours later, a follow- up message claimed that following an investigation, the individual was ‘no longer employed’.
Tech Support Pits From Bill Re: Seconday mail account problem Dear Webby, It's Bill again. Now Eudora won't retrieve mail from my secondary address. It should be the same PW as my "dominant" personality. "Dominant" works. The secondary gives an error message "ERR Authentication failure, mate". I would appreciate any help you can offer. Thanks. Bill Dear Bill Eudora has been able to handle dominant plus secondary accounts since about 1993, however, when semi-skilled and sooty summer help at the ISP messes around, it can turn into a real nuisance. Those kids tend to assume that everybody gets onto the Internet with a SillyPhone, like they are, so they keep changing the settings at the ISP side. Instead of coping with the silly twits, most people simply set the secondary email to automatically forward to the dominant or primary email. That way you get everything at your dominant email address, and don't have to worry about all the others. They simply show up. You still see which address the mail has been sent to. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A boy and his dad were playing with toy cars. The father had the police car and pretended to pull over the car that the boy was playing with. "Do you have a drivers license?" he asked the boy. "No," the boy answered seriously. "Are you resisting arrest?" asked the father. The boy hesitated, then said, "No, I'm not sleepy yet."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." The woman nodded. "Oh good. Then this is my row." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Baking Fish When baking fish, set each fillet on a lettuce leaf. The lettuce will prevent the fish fillets from sticking to the pan. Just discard the lettuce when your fish is done baking. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
The Russian dachas.
___________________________________________________ Carlson was charged with stealing a Mercedes Benz, and after a long trial, the jury aquitted him. Later that day, Carlson came back to the judge who had presided at the hearing. "Your honor," he said, "I want to get out a warrant for that dirty lawyer of mine." "Why?" asked the judge. "He won your aquittal. What do you want to have him arrested for?" "Well, your honor," replied Carlson, "I didn't have the money to pay his fee, so he went and took the car I stole..." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
What is the one thing that all women at singles bars have in common? An untanned ring line on their ring finger. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 21 in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed King of
the Belgians. 

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was the
Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The Confederates won
the battle. 

1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was
convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on
teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later
overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the
fine instead of the jury. 

1930 The Veterans Administration of the United States was

1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double in the U.S. 

1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the Soviet

1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam
and South Vietnam. 

1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that "Lady
Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to
rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying
on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million
dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place at the
PGA Championship. 

1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 20-
year-old men. 

1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States
during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the first
time in 116 years. 

1998 Chinese gymnast Sang Lan, 17, was paralyzed after a fall while
practicing for the women's vault competition at the Goodwill Games
in New York. Spinal surgery 4 days later failed to restore
sensation below her upper chest. 

2000 NBC announced that they had found nearly all of Milton Berle's
kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's early TV shows had
been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit filed by Berle the
previous May. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. At
the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 

2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11
commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that
hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our
government." The report was released to the public the next day. 

2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, "Harry
Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 In Florida, Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at
Kennedy Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final
flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 

2018  smiled.

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Selective screen capture 

Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  July 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Lisa!!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken
after biting deputy
Today, July 20 in
1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf
Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg
headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A motion to adjourn is always in order. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) It is always easier to believe than to deny. Our minds are naturally affirmative. --- John Burroughs Hillary is counting on that! ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Upon entering the little country store, the stranger noticed a sign saying, "DANGER! BEWARE OF DOG!" posted on the glass door. Inside, he noticed a harmless old hound dog asleep on the floor besides the cash register. He asked the store manager, "Is THAT the dog folks are supposed to beware of?" "Yep, that's him," he replied. The stranger couldn't help but be amused. "That certainly doesn't look like a dangerous dog to me. Why in the world would you post that sign?" "Because," the owner replied, "before I posted that sign, people kept tripping over him and bashing out their front teef on the counter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Many many years ago when I was twenty three, I got married to a widow who was pretty as could be. This widow had a grown-up daughter who had hair of red. My father fell in love with her, and soon the two were wed. This made my dad my son-in-law And changed my very life. My daughter was my mother, For she was my father's wife. To complicate the matters worse, Although it brought me joy, I soon became the father Of a bouncing baby boy. My little baby then became A brother-in-law to dad. And so became my uncle, Though it made me very sad. For if he was my uncle, Then that also made him brother To the widow's grown-up daughter Who, of course, was my step-mother. Father's wife then had a son, Who kept them on the run. And he became my grandson, For he was my daughter's son. My wife is now my mother's mother And it makes me blue. Because, although she is my wife, She is my grandma too. If my wife is my grandmother, Then I am her grandchild. And every time I think of it, It simply drives me wild. For now I have become The strangest case you ever saw. As the husband of my grandmother, I am my own grandpa. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Maxwell Elder, 20, St. Augustine, Florida Crook on Fentanyl gets jaw broken after biting deputy A St. Augustine man was arrested Tuesday after a scuffle with St. Johns County deputies, leaving him with a broken jaw. Maxwell Elder, 20, of St. Augustine, was arrested Tuesday and is being charged with possession of narcotics, marijuana and drug paraphernalia, resisting with violence and battery on a law enforcement officer. According to a St. Johns County offense report, police were called by a neighbor who asked them to give Elder a trespass warning. After the call, the report says Elder stole a $300 extension ladder, but the neighbor did not want to press charges against Elder. Once a deputy arrived to his home, he said he found Elder in the driveway. When the responding deputy asked if Elder knew why he was there, Elder responded "Are you with me or against me?" The deputy said he noticed Elder was holding a multi-colored glass pipe with a baggie in his left hand. The report says the deputy immediately secured Elder in handcuffs and took away the suspected narcotics. When the deputy was searching him, Elder told the deputy he had a patch on his leg for bug bites, the report said. According to the report, the deputy suspected it was a fentanyl patch and called fire and rescue to respond to the scene. An additional deputy arrived and, according to the report, attempted to help the initial responder arrest Elder. When the deputies tried to place Elder on the rear of a patrol vehicle, Elder "became enraged for no apparent reason," banging his head forcefully against the back window of the car, the report said. Deputies said Elder tried kicking one of them in the groin, so they took him to the ground to prevent him from injuring himself. That's when Elder bit one of the deputies, the report said. The deputy stated, "Stop biting me." The report said the deputy who was being bitten then attempted to deliver a brachial stun and managed to get Elder to let go. St. Johns County Fire Rescue informed the deputy that the patch was fentanyl, the report said, and Elder was placed under arrest and taken to Flagler Hospital for medical clearance. Doctors told deputies that Elder sustained a broken jaw from the incident, as well as a cut on the inside of his lip, stating it was likely a result from the attempted brachial stun, according to the report.
Tech Support Pits From Fran Re: Selective screen capture Dear Webby, I think you might have answered this before, but I can't find it. How do I capture just the active window, not the entire screen ? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Try ALT and the PrintScreen key. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
By the time a Marine pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded. "Or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant - an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Marine assured him. "I'll take it." The next morning the Marine came down to breakfast bright-eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring, then?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Marine. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came into the room," the Marine explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The loaded mini-van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some great display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system: no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Lemonade Ice Cubes The next time you make lemonade, fill an ice cube tray with it to make some lemonade ice cubes. As they melt, they won't dilute your glass of lemonade. They are also good in iced tea! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
23 Of History’s Most Infamous Objects And Where They Finally Ended Up
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this story: While shopping in a food store, two nuns happened to pass by the beer, Wine, and liquor section. One asked the other if she would like a beer. The second nun answered that, indeed, it would be very nice to have one, but that she would feel uncomfortable about purchasing it. The first nun replied that she would handle that without a problem. She picked up a six-pack and took it to the cashier. The cashier had a surprised look so the nun said, "This is for washing our hair." Without blinking an eye, the cashier reached under the counter and put a package of pretzel sticks in the bag with the beer saying, "Here, don't forget the curlers." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
SHOPPING MATH A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need. GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 20 in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of Elisha
Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a horse-driven
wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas Jefferson at the White

1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 

1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed on all
cigarette packs was passed. 

1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian province. 

1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the Battle
of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal troops.

1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 

1935 NBC radio debuted "G-men." The show was later renamed

1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps,
(WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 

1944 An attempt by a group of German officers to assassinate Adolf
Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg
headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 

1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented
fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention in

1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 

1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr.
became the first men to walk on the moon. 

1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 

1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful landing
on Mars. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 

1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and
silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." The
ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL. 

1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution
against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia. 

1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International
Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 

2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing
reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work.

2018  smiled.

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Intermittent monitor problems 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 19

Had the first raspberries today!
Yeah, I know, in the lowlands they have ripened a long
time ago, but here in the foothills of the Rockies they
finally ripened now. There are going to be lots this year!

Thank you, Claude!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police recognize man fleeing on stolen 
motorcycle, wait for him at his house
Today, July 19 in
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY.
Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
To knock a thing down, especially if it is cocked at an arrogant angle, is a deep delight of the blood. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) It is no good to try to stop knowledge from going forward. Ignorance is never better than knowledge. --- Enrico Fermi (1901 - 1954) Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two highway patrolmen stopped a guy for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they were writing up the ticket, one cop turned to the other and said, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replied, "I don't know." So the first one said, "Well what are we gong to do? If we spell it wrong, the ticket will get dismissed." The second cop said, "Why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Briggs, 38, West Jordan, Utah Police recognize man fleeing on stolen motorcycle, wait for him at his house Police recognize man fleeing from them on stolen motorcycle, dump out of the chase and wait for him at his house to make arrest. A West Jordan man is facing charges after fleeing from police on a stolen motorcycle during a traffic stop for what police said was a “simple traffic violation.” West Jordan Police said they made the stop around eight o’clock Saturday night near 7000 S. Redwood Road, the motorcyclist quickly took off. However, officers decided not to follow the man, because they recognized him. Instead officers went to 38-year-old Brandon Briggs’ home and waiting for him to return. About an hour after the stop police said Briggs showed up at his house and was taken into custody without incident. Police later found out that the motorcycle had been stolen. The bike was found crashed nearby, it is unclear if Briggs caused the crash. Briggs has been charged with possession of a stolen vehicle, failure to stop at the command of an officer and violation of parole or probation.
Tech Support Pits From: Beverly Re: Erratic monitor Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Your hunor letter and my first cup of coffee make my morning. I have an older computer and I'm on a fixed income and can't afford a new one. What's happening is that everything is spread out beyond the sides of the screen. Sometimes it jumps back to normal. Is there anything that can be done? Thank you, Bev. Compaq Dear Beverly That sounds like a monitor that needs what we techs call "Percussive Maintenance". You whack the monitor a good slap with your hand. Then it will usually behave for a while. However, it's definitely destined for a one way trip to the recycling depot. 1) Turn the couch upside down and shake out the lost coins to start your monitor replacement fund. 2) Do a spring cleaning and sell a bunch of stuff on ebay. 3) Select a monitor that fits your desk and budget. A good source is Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A 92 year old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. At his follow up visit, the doctor talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc: 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful.'" The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!", he replied, "We are getting married next month!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Wacky laws: Louisiana: It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol. Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault." New Mexico: Females are strictly forbidden to appear unshaven in public. Oklahoma: Violators can be fined, arrested or jailed for making ugly faces at a dog. Pennsylvania: No man may purchase alcohol without written consent from his wife. A special cleaning ordinance bans housewives from hiding dirt and dust under a rug in a dwelling. (That ordinance was passed after some floors collapsed onto the tenants on the floor below from the weight of the dirt under the rugs.) Washington: All lollipops are banned. A law to reduce crime states: "It is mandatory for a motorist with criminal intentions to stop at the city limits and telephone the chief of police as he is entering the town. (That is why senators use chauffeurs) ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Putting Out Oven Fires Keep salt or baking soda close at hand to throw on oven fires in the bottom of your oven. Once the oven has cooled, it will aid in cleaning up the spill that caused the fire. The same applies for stove-top and barbecue. You can also use sand, dirt from a potted plant, ANYTHING EXCEPT WATER! Never use water on a grease fire. Water will turn the oil or grease into a napalm like substance and spaltter it all over. It turns one little fire into many big ones instantly. Most people have an open box of baking soda in the fridge and cupboard to absorb odors. Know where yours is, in case you have to quickly grab it. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
People Are Awesome Presents: Tosca Rivola-Cyr Wheel
___________________________________________________ A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grand-mother's meatloaf for dinner tonight and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right, because it's the one you gave me. But, it just didn't come out right and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George, because he loves meatloaf. What could have gone wrong"? Her mother replied soothing-ly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud, and tell me exactly what you did at each step and to-gether we'll figure it out." "Okay," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, 'Take fifty cents worth of ground beef.' ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
One day a man called the church office. He said, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" The secretary thought she heard what he said, but said, "I'm sorry, who?" The caller repeated, "Can I speak to the head hog at the trough?" She said, "Well, if you mean the preacher, then you may refer to him as 'Pastor,' or 'Brother,' but I prefer that you not refer to him as the 'head hog at the trough'!" To this the man replied, "Well, I was planning on giving $100,000 to the building fund...." To this the secretary quickly responded "Hang on, I think the big fat pig just waddled in!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 19 in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau League to
fight against the Reformation. 

1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as Queen of
England after claiming the crown for nine days. Mary, the daughter
of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen. 

1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market. 

1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic translations
into Greek, was found in Egypt. 

1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY.
Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 

1870 France declared war on Prussia. 

1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use fiberglass

1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the U.S.
Atlantic coast due to effective American anti-submarine

1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 bombers
attacked Rome for the first time. 

1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 

1971 In New York, the topping out ceremony for Two World Trade
Center (South Tower) took place. The ceremony for One World Trade
Center had taken place on December 23, 1970. 

1974 The House Judiciary Committee recommended that U.S. President
Richard Nixon should stand trial in the Senate for any of the five
impeachment charges against him. 

1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being linked
in orbit for two days. 

1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was overthrown
by the Sandinista National Liberation Front (Frente Sandinista de
Liberación Nacional or FSLN). 

1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the population had
an income below the official poverty level in 1981. 

1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest with a
shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 7 feet 10 inches tall. 

1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be the first
schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She died with six
others when the Challenger exploded the following year. 

2018  smiled.

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Favorite camera brands 

Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 18

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs
Today, July 18 in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Nothing you can't spell will ever work. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" "Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily. "Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey. The farmer couldn’t help but ask what he was planting. “Stewed tomatoes,” was the reply. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, Vero Beach, Florida Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs An inebriated motorist assured Florida police that he was not drinking while driving, but only swigging from a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon when his vehicle paused at stop signs and traffic signals, according to a police report. Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, was arrested for driving his Mercury Grand Marquis while under the influence. The Vero Beach resident, now free on $1500 bond in advance of a July 31 arraignment, was nabbed after a driver called 911 to report that Stevens’s car repeatedly tapped her bumper while they were in a McDonald’s drive- thru lane. When a sheriff’s deputy contacted Stevens, he reeked of alcohol, was slurring his words, and had ”red and glossy” eyes. On the Mercury’s passenger seat was a bottle of Jim Beam, from which Stevens admitted he had been drinking. Asked if he was drinking in the auto, Stevens replied, “No.” He then explained he was enjoying the bourbon at “Stop signs.” The deputy further noted Stevens’s distinction when it came to drinking while driving: “He further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals.” It was their fault for having so many stop signs. Stevens was arrested after failing a series of field sobriety tests, as first reported by Will Greenlee of Treasure Coast Newspapers. A breath test recorded Stevens’s blood alcohol content at nearly twice the legal limit. In addition to a drunk driving charge, Stevens was cited for driving without a license. Stevens, seen above, reportedly told cops that he had two “prior DUI charges from Missouri.”
Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Which digital camera is best? Dear Webby, Which digital camera is best? And which parts of them are the most important criteria? What is better, Canon or Nikon? David Dear David The most important criteria is your budget. If you get too close to the limit of it, the best camera is always not going to be quite good enough. Second most important is lens size. The larger the lens, the more light the chip has to work with. Third is the electronics, especially how the camera interpretes the analog signals into digital. Canon and Nikon are best there, with the rest of them seemingly a class or more below. Fourth is Optical Zoom. Forget digital zoom, that's just cropping the picture, enlarging it digitally and making it coarse. Forget about the number of Megapixels. That number is usually just a number picked by an advertising editor and in the small print they admit that it is "equivalent to so many Megapixels". 3 Megapixels are fine, but at around 5 you start wasting space on the memory chip and get into problems with working on the pictures in full size. How much free and available RAM do you have on your computer? There is no point in paying for 12 or more megapixels and then having to set the camera to take pictures at 1600x1200, ( 1.9 Megapixels ). More pixels don't extend you reach into the dark at all. It's the same amount of light split into more real and calculated pixels. I am a purist and don't use flash. It makes pictures flat. I found that I can reach much farther into the dark with an ancient Canon with a big lens. Canon versus Nikon is a religious question. They are both so good, that the skill of the photographer makes a much bigger difference than the brand. Each has it's own distinct peculiarities, that you can take advantage of, once you get familiar with your camera. But the differences are not big enough that anybody would buy one of each. Remeber the differences in film in the old days? Kodak had a warm tint, Fuji and Agfa a colder tint. For camp fire parties you used kodak, for fishing you used Agfa or Fuji. Canon has a warmer tint, Nikon a colder tint. It is easy enough to adust that on the computer. Personally, I prefer the warmer Canon interpretation. Have FUN DearWebby

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Thanks to Dianne for this fishy story: Fred Green, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with six large size salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing. "Yes!" replied old Fred. Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my rod!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"? ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with a pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles". Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles". By Harlean Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
World Body-painting Festival 2018 in Austria
___________________________________________________ The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Harry for this story: When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am." "I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?" She replied, "The oldies station." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 18 in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 

1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 

1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the
French Revolution. 

1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with
Russia and Sweden. 

1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 

1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for
secret election ballots. 

1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation
division called the Signal Corps. 

1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St.
Lawrence Seaway. 

1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to
the last man against the invading Italian army. 

1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body
Company’s factory in Chicago, IL. 

1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an
uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 

1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in
combat, made its first flight. 

1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of
the hedgerows. 

1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister
due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 

1971 New Zealands and Australias troops got chased out of of

2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train
tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually
closed down downtown Baltimore for several days.

2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded
company was completed. 

2018  smiled.

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Computer positioning 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 17

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
San Diego chainsaw attacker is illegal 
alien who has been deported 11 times
Today, July 17 in
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men. --- Russell P. Askue The skill of writing is to create a context in which other people can think. --- Edwin Schlossberg ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A SOUTHERNER vacationing in Maine stopped at a small convenience store to buy some souvenirs. As he stood in line to pay for his purchases, the southerner was amused by the accent of some local lobster fishermen, who were in the store discussing the day’s catch. Stepping up to the cash register, the tourist commented to the clerk, “Some people around here sure talk with funny accents.” “Aye-yuh,” the clerk replied, “but thay’ll all be gone by Labur Day.” _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Dad _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ GOD: Frank , you know all about gardens and nature. What in the world is going on down there on the planet? What happened to the dandelions, violets, thistle and stuff I started eons ago? I had a perfect no-maintenance garden plan. Those plants grow in any type of soil, withstand drought and multiply with abandon. The nectar from the long-lasting blossoms attracts butterflies, honey bees and flocks of songbirds. I expected to see a vast garden of colours by now. But, all I see are these green rectangles. Saint FRANCIS: It's the tribes that settled there, Lord. The Suburbanites. They started calling your flowers "weeds" and went to great lengths to kill them and replace them with grass. GOD: Grass? But, it's so boring. It's not colourful. It doesn't attract butterflies, birds and bees; only grubs and sod worms. It's sensitive to temperatures. Do these Suburbanites really want all that grass growing there? ST. FRANCIS : Apparently so, Lord. They go to great pains to grow it and keep it green. They begin each spring by fertilizing grass and poisoning any other plant that crops up in the lawn. GOD: The spring rains and warm weather probably make grass grow really fast. That must make the Suburbanites happy. ST. FRANCIS : Apparently not, Lord. As soon as it grows a little, they cut it --sometimes twice a week. GOD: They cut it? Do they then bail it like hay? ST. FRANCIS : Not exactly, Lord. Most of them rake it up and put it in bags. GOD: They bag it? Why? Is it a cash crop? Do they sell it? ST. FRANCIS : No, Sir, just the opposite. They pay to throw it away. GOD: Now, let me get this straight. They fertilize grass so it will grow. And, when it does grow, they cut it off and pay to throw it away? ST. FRANCIS : Yes, Sir. GOD: These Suburbanites must be relieved in the summer when we cut back on the rain and turn up the heat. That surely slows the growth and saves them a lot of work. ST. FRANCIS: You aren't going to believe this, Lord. When the grass stops growing so fast, they drag out hoses and pay more money to water it so they can continue to mow it and pay to get rid of it. GOD: What nonsense. At least they kept some of the trees. That was a sheer stroke of genius, if I do say so myself. The trees grow leaves in the spring to provide beauty and shade in the summer. In the autumn, they fall to the ground and form a natural blanket to keep moisture in the soil and protect the trees and bushes. It's a natural cycle of life. ST. FRANCIS: You better sit down, Lord. The Suburbanites have drawn a new circle. As soon as the leaves fall, they rake them into great piles and pay to have them hauled away. GOD: No. What do they do to protect the shrub and tree roots in the winter to keep the soil moist and loose? ST. FRANCIS: After throwing away the leaves, they go out and buy something which they call mulch. They haul it home and spread it around in place of the leaves. GOD: And where do they get this mulch? ST. FRANCIS: They cut down trees and grind them up to make the mulch. GOD: Enough! I don't want to think about this anymore. St. Catherine, you're in charge of the arts. What movie have you scheduled for us tonight? ST. CATHERINE: "Dumb and Dumber", Lord. It's a story about.... GOD: Never mind, I think I just heard the whole story from St. Francis. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alejandro Alvarez Villegas, 32, Chula Vista, California San Diego chainsaw attacker is illegal alien who has been deported 11 times A California man who attacked his wife with a chainsaw is an illegal alien who has been deported at least 11 times since 2005, immigration officials confirmed Friday Alvarez has a long record of being deported and returning to the U.S., according to Immigration and Customs Enforcement (ICE). “Department of Homeland Security databases indicate Mr. Alvarez- Villegas is a serial immigration violator who has been removed from the United States at least 11 times since 2005,” an ICE spokesperson said, according to NBC7 News in San Diego. The incident began Wednesday, when police in the Los Angeles suburb of Whittier responded to a domestic violence call and found Alvarez’s wife inside their home with chest wounds caused by a chainsaw. The next day, Chula Vista police pulled over Alvarez in an SUV, that had been reported stolen in Los Angeles. Alvarez allegedly tried to ram a police car during the traffic stop, but officers were able to arrest him without any injuries, Chula Vista Police Lt. Kenny Heinz said, according to NBC7. Rumors that he is claiming sanctuary and will be running on the Democratic ticket for governor of Mexifornia have not been confirmed yet.
Tech Support Pits From: Angela Re: Computer positioning Dear Webby, I have a question about the CPU unit of my desk top. I am rearranging my work/study area and was wondering if it is safe to lay the CPU down on its side and set my printer on top of it gain more space on my computer desk. I do not want to place it on the floor because I have too many animals living in my house and do not fully trust them all to behave with it on the floor. Angela Dear Angela The CPU doesn't care, and the hard drives don't care as long as you don't put it with the front side up. The most important consideration is good air flow behind it. Don't shove it into a desk hutch cubbyhole, no matter which way you turn it. Laying flat, with the removable side cover side up, is just fine. That is actually better than standing upright on the floor, where the main air intake at the front bottom sucks in all the dust bunnies and pet hairs off the floor and drastically reduces cooling. Yes, I know it's stupid, but they don't want computers to last forever. Try to lay it flat on the left rear corner of your desk, with the former bottom pointing away from you. That way it sucks fresh air from the left of the desk. Especially n summer, cooling of the computer is very important. While you are moving it, pop the side cover open and vacuum it out. If you are scared of large herds of dust bunnies, get somebody else to do it, but don't neglect that chore! Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
As I drove into a parking lot, I noticed that a pickup truck with a dog sitting behind the wheel was rolling toward a female pedestrian. She seemed oblivious, so I hit my horn to get her attention. She looked up just in time to jump out of the way of the truck's path, and the vehicle bumped harmlessly into the curb and stopped. I rushed to the woman's side to see if she was all right. "I'm fine," she assured me, "but I hate to think what could have happened to me if that dog hadn't honked."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this story: Bill and Sam, two elderly friends, met in the park every day to feed the pigeons, watch the squirrels and discuss world problems. One day Bill didn't show up. Sam didn't think much about it and figured maybe he had a cold or something. But after Bill hadn't shown up for a week or so, Sam really got worried. However, since the only time they ever got together was at the park, Sam didn't know where Bill lived, so he was unable to find out what had happened to him. A month had passed, and Sam figured he had seen the last of Bill, but one day, Sam approached the park and -- lo and behold! --there sat Bill! Sam was very excited and happy to see him and told him so. Then he said, "For crying out loud Bill, what in the world happened to you?" Bill replied, "I have been in jail." "Jail?" cried Sam. "What in the world for?" "Well," Bill said, "you know Sue, that cute little blonde waitress at the coffee shop where I sometime go?" "Yeah," said Sam, "I remember her. What about her?" "Well, one day she filed rape charges against me; and, at 89 years old, I was so proud that when I got into court, I pleaded 'guilty' and the judge gave me 30 days for perjury." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from A Mail Box for Garden Tools A handy place to store pruning shears and small garden tools is in an old mail box. Place the mail box on a post in a convenient spot in your yard and place the small tools that you use regularly in it. Paint the mail box and it can be quite attractive. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
America's forgotten pin-up girl.
___________________________________________________ >From Guzalia Today, my 14 year old son was giving dating tips to our neighbor. He said: "Don't give up. All the pretty ones may be married, but all the smart ones are already divorced." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
>From Stormy Hanging wall paper is messy work. I was struggling to hold a long wet piece of paper in place, when it slipped out of my grasp. My cat and dog just happened to be sitting underneath the ladder. The long gooey thing landed right on them. The startled critters leaped up, crashed into the wall, getting really tangled together. From the barking and hissing, I could tell they were each blaming the other. Stuck together inside the paper, they crashed across the room, thumped over the doorstep, out the open door to tumble across the lawn. The harder they tried to separate, the tighter the paper stuck to their fur. A group of young kids were passing by on their way home from school. They stared at the noisy antics of my unfortunate pets. Two little boys helped me untangle the poor animals. They talked to each other for a moment, then started to giggle. "Hey lady, can we have a piece of this stuff?" I asked why, telling them it had to be wet and put on a wall. "That's okay, we can put water on it." I suggested that their parents might not like them sticking it to a wall," Then I added, "You aren't thinking of putting this on your dog or cat are you?" The giggling turned up a notch. "No, we want to throw it on our sister when she's kissing her boyfriend in the living room!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 17 in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade. 

1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, which ended the
100 Years' War. 

1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at Rochefort,

1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S. 

1862 National cemeteries were authorized by the U.S. government. 

1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath the Chicago
River. The three-year project cost $512,709. 

1867 Harvard School of Dental Medicine was established in Boston,
MA. It was the first dental school in the U.S. 

1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took Santiago de
Cuba during the Spanish-American War. 

1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name to replace
their German names. 

1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin
Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives for an
office building that could house 40,000 War Department employees on
his desk by the following Monday morning. The building became known
as the Pentagon. 

1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and British
Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting at Potsdam in the
final Allied summit of World War II. During the meeting Stalin made
the comment that "Hitler had escaped." 

1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist army
on the Yangtze River. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a Moscow
court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over the Soviet Union. 

1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North Vietnam
forces to defend against American air strikes. 

1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft in orbit.
It was the first link up between the U.S. and Soviet Union. 

1979 Nicaraguan President Anastasio Somoza resigned and fled to
Miami in exile. (Florida) 

1986 The largest bankruptcy filing in U.S. history took place when
LTV Corporation asked for court protection from more than 20,000
creditors. LTV Corp. had debts in excess of $4 billion. 

1987 Lieutenant Colonel Oliver North and rear Admiral John
Poindexter begin testifying to Congress at the "Iran-Contra"

1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its last 400

1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the genome
(genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium. 

2008 In China, construction of the Shanghai World Financial Center
was completed. 

2018  smiled.

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How to make a free screen saver 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 16

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman charged with attempted murder for 
beating 92-year-old man with brick
Today, July 16 in
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, 
and began the first manned mission to land on the moon.  
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Every crowd has a silver lining. --- Phineas Taylor Barnum (1810 - 1891) To predict the behavior of ordinary people in advance, you only have to assume that they will always try to escape a disagreeable situation with the smallest possible expenditure of intelligence. --- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900) 99% of the failures come from people who have the habit of making excuses. --- George Washington Carver ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Riddle answer: YOU are the driver. From AmberRose: I passed it on to several friends. Would you believe - none of them got the right answer? _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ The following are copies of ACTUAL written statements submitted to the police on report forms. (Or at least they claim to be ACTUAL statements. You be the judge.) The drivers were instructed to give a brief statement on the particulars of the accident in their own words. Coming home, I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't know. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my Mother-in-law and headed over the embankment. The gentleman behind me struck me on the backside. He then went to rest in the bush with just his rear end showing. In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been driving my car for forty years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident. An invisible car came out of nowhere, struck my vehicle and vanished. The pedestrian had no idea which direction to go, so I ran over him. I saw the slow moving, sad faced old gentleman as he bounced off the hood of my car. The guy was all over the road, I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. To avoid hitting the bumper of the car in front, I struck the pedestrian. I was sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the roadway when I struck him. My girlfriend kissed me. I lost control and woke up in the hospital. When I saw I could not avoid a collision I stepped on the gas and crashed into the other car. As I approached the intersection, a stop sign suddenly appeared in a place where no stop sign had ever appeared before. I was unable to stop in time to avoid the accident. The indirect cause of this accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. I told the police that I was not injured, but on removing my hat, I found that I had fractured my skull. I thought I could squeeze between two trucks when my car became squashed. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Laquisha Jones, 30, Los Angeles, California Woman charged with attempted murder for beating 92-year-old man with brick Laquisha has been arrested five additional times in the past, with a prostitution conviction. This is her sixth arrest. She Shouted Racist Statements at Him & Told Him to ‘Go Back to Mexico,’ Witnesses Say. According to the witness, who asked that she not be named, Jones repeatedly screamed a series of racist statements at Rodriguez while beating him, the Los Angeles Times reports. Laquisha, accused of severely injuring a 92-year-old man with a brick is now facing charges of attempted murder and elder abuse, prosecutors said. Laquisha Jones, 30, allegedly attacked the elderly man with a brick south of Los Angeles on July 4, the Los Angeles County District Attorney’s Office said. A "woman pushed him and dropped him," a witness told ABC station KABC-TV in Los Angeles. "She took the block of concrete and hit him in his head many times." Jones, who prosecutors said fled the scene after seeing that somebody was recording her assault, was arrested Tuesday and initially faced the charge of assault with a deadly weapon. The district attorney's office announced the attempted murder and elder abuse charges on Thursday. “I heard her saying, go back to your country, go back to Mexico,” Borjas told CNN. “When I tried to videotape her with my cell phone, she threw that same concrete block, tried to hit my car.” Despite Jones allegedly telling Rodriguez to go back to his country (he is of Mexican descent, but is a legal U.S. resident), LASD has determined that the attack on Rodriguez “is not a hate-related incident,” the department wrote in a statement. The 92-year-old was hospitalized after the assault in Willowbrook. According to his family, Rodriguez suffered two broken ribs, a broken jaw, broken cheekbones, and bruising throughout his face and body. He is still recovering from his injuries.
Tech Support Pits From: Taurus Re: Making screen Savers Dear Webby, As I have told you many times, I love your Dad's pictures of his cacti. I would like to make them in to screen savers, but my senior mind has forgot how. Can you help me? I have learned many things from your computer tips and enjoy the letter immensely. I like the links you have on left side as they remind me to click on them & feed the poor, animals, and the breast cancer sight. You do lots of good for so many. Many thanks, Taurus. Dear Taurus The easiest way to make a screensaver is this: Use the Windows File Explorer to find your "My Pictures" folder. Make a new folder inside that and call it Archive Switch the File Explorer to Thumbnail view, Click on Folders, so that it shows the folders on the left side. (This works much better in Classical mode) Drag all pictures that you don't want included in your screen saver into the "Archive" folder. Save any new pictures, that you want included, into the "My Pictures" folder. Right-click on the desktop, Properties, Appearance, Screensaver Select "My Pictures" Set the delay time, and hit OK a bunch of times. From then on you will have a slide show of the pictures in "My Pictures" as a screen saver. If you want to make screen savers to send to friends, pick one from ... &meta= Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Riddle answer: Look in the mirror! YOU are the driver.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
I love to read those advice columns in the newspaper. I saw one where they ask what is the worst thing you could receive on your twenty fifth wedding anniversary?" You know what the answer was? "Morning Sickness." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Easily Clean Garden Tools Spray your garden tools with a little cooking oil or WD-40 and they will be very easy to clean when you are done gardening. You can then rinse them off with water. Make sure to recoat when needed. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Georgia USA's Little Grand Canyon
___________________________________________________ A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, seven widows, four widowers, and three single men stepped to the front. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman went down to the Welfare Office to get aid. The office worker asked her, "How many children do you have?" "Ten," she replied. "What are their names?" he asked. "LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, LeRoy, and LeRoy," she answered. "They're all named LeRoy?" he asked "What if you want them to come in from playing outside?" "Oh, that's easy," she said. "I just call 'LeRoy,' and they all come running in." "And, if you want them to come to the table for dinner?" "I just say, 'LeRoy, come eat your dinner'," she answered. "But what if you just want ONE of them to do something?" he asked. "Oh, that's easy," she said. "Then I just use their last name!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 16 in
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of Kuchuk-
Kainardji, ending their six-year war. 

1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured Stony
Point, NY. 

1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was established
as the permanent seat of the United States Government. 

1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed to ratify
the constitution. 

1845 The New York Yacht Club hosted the first American boating

1875 The new French constitution was finalized. 

1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo. 

1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in "National
Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken near the Florida

1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to install
parking meters. 

1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the invasion
of England, known as Operation Sea Lion. England had used to
annexation of the southern part of Poland as reason to start WWII,
but up to that point had ought only outside of England.

1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held them in
the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an agreement between
Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had agreed to not deport French
Jews if France arrested foreign Jews. 

1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their drive toward

1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb in a test at
Alamogordo, NM. 

1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. They
watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup soccer finals in Rio
de Janeiro, Brazil. 

1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was first

1957 Marine Major John Glenn set a transcontinental speed record
when he flew a jet from California to New York in 3 hours, 23
minutes and 8 seconds. 

1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and began the
first manned mission to land on the moon. 

1973 Alexander P. Butterfield informed the Senate committee
investigating the Watergate affair of the existence of recorded

1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing Hasan
al-Bakr to resign. 

1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of Nissan
changed the name of their cars to Nissan. 

2005 J.K. Rowling's book "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince"
was released. It was the sixth in the Harry Potter series. The book
sold 6.9 million copies on its first day of release. 

2009 In Chicago, Sears Tower was renamed Willis Tower. Sears left
after 9/11, expecting a similar attack, because Arabs claim that
Sears is owned by Jews.

2011 The NASA space probe Dawn entered Vesta orbit. 

2018  smiled.

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Alternating high speed providers 

Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, July 12

By the time y9u read this, I will be on my way to Calgary for
Lucentis injections into my eyeballs.
That means no Humor letter on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and 
robbed a 62-year-old. He is in jail now.
Today, July 12 in
1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented
by William W. Lyman.  
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 1784) With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken so long, I'm not sure she is still alive now." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benjamin Victor Hovan, 32, Casselberry, Florida Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and robbed a 62-year-old. In jail now. A man wanted in a South Miami armed home invasion has been arrested hundreds of miles away after police say he raped, robbed, and kidnapped a woman at knifepoint. Benjamin Victor Hovan was arrested Thursday at a Titusville convenience store, just north of Cocoa Beach, after a nationwide arrest warrant was issued, Titusville police said. Brevard County records show Hovan was booked Thursday morning. He was charged with home invasion, sexual battery and kidnapping. Police say Hovan robbed a 62-year-old woman at gunpoint on Wednesday along the 6000 block of Kendall Drive in South Miami. South Miami police say Hovan, 32, pistol-whipped the woman before taking off with her jewelry and Mercedes Benz. On Saturday, police say Hovan was in Casselberry, Florida, just north of Kissimmee, where he held a 24-year-old woman at knifepoint. WFTV9 reported that the woman opened her apartment door thinking it was a pizza deliveryman. It wasn't. Hovan, who police say had been watching the woman and her friend load the car in a grocery store parking lot just hours before, barged in with a knife and raped one of them, the news station reported. Afterward, police said, Hovan kidnapped them in a car owned by one of them, took them to a Publix ATM in a nearby town and demanded they withdraw money. That's when one of the women asked an employee to call 911. By the time police got there, Hovan had fled. Hovan was spotted at a convenience store in Titusville on Thursday. A police officer thought he was acting suspicious and checked the license plate of the car he was driving. He tried to run but the cop put him on the ground with her taser. Hovan was ultimately identified by investigators by his fingerprints in the woman's apartment and in the stolen Mercedes.
Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts Dear Webby, My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at high speed providers and can't find one that will work between the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower and slower. You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice?? Having a lot of fun, Patti Dear Patti While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired Internet or free local dial-out, 4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet. Regarding the migration, call Earthlink and ask them if they still have a Snowbird Special. 1-866-383-3080 or go on their live chat. Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call. They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best is if you talk to them. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
You're driving a bus that is leaving from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people got off and 2 people got on. At the next bus stop, 12 people got on and 16 people got off. At the next bus stop, 5 people got on and 3 people got off. What color are the bus driver's eyes? --------------- Answer on Monday
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
'Twas in a restaurant they first met, Romeo and Juliet. 'Twas there that he got into debt, 'Cause he owed what Juli ate.' ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Gas Saving Driving Techniques Use the correct speed for the gear you are in. Try to drive the speed limit and accelerate slowly when leaving the stop light. The fastest person through the intersection just gets to spend more on gas. There is no need to rev your engine before you turn your vehicle off, it just wastes gas. Here are some tricks I learned in the arctic: Use synthetic WINTER oil all year round. It can easily handle summer temperatures, since the engine has a thermostat anyway. In winter put a rug in front of the radiator and over the engine, so that it reaches proper operating temperature. Even the best engine is a gas guzzler during warm-up, since it is programmed to burn extra fuel to heat up the engine to ideal temp. Without a rug it may never reach ideal temp until March! Change oil and air filters frequently, and vacuum out the duct from the front to the air filter intake. Any leaves or twigs in that duct cost you dearly in gas money, but no mechanic will ever tell you about that. They rather sell you expensive add-ons or better filters, that don't make much difference. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there.
___________________________________________________ An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American. "I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time". "I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American. "Of course he will," said the Irishman. "I haven't been away at all". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, "You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic." And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, "You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are a fish." In order to hang on to their members, Catholics can now eat red meat on Fridays, and are even allowed to use birth control. However, organic birth control like "69" is still a sin. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 12 in
1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria.
There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them safely
the rest of the way to Constantinople. by August 1. 

1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife,
Catherine Parr. 

1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated the Roman
Catholic army of James II. 

1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies at the
Battle of Aughrim, Ireland. 

1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution providing
for the election of priests and bishops. 

1806 The Confederation of the Rhine was established in Germany. 

1862 The U.S. Congress authorized the Medal of Honor. 

1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle where
Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the outskirts of
Washington, DC. 

1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented
by William W. Lyman. 

1912 The first foreign-made film to premiere in America, "Queen
Elizabeth", was shown. 

1933 A minimum wage of 40 cents an hour was established in the U.S.

1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe for the first time. 

1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch®. 

1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records by
surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the first 31
days of its opening. 

1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs rolled
off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI. 

1990 Russian republic president Boris N. Yeltsin announced his
resignation from the the Soviet Communist Party. 

1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals between
France and Brazil. France won 3-0. 

1999 Walt Disney Co. announced that it was merging all of its
Internet operations together with Infoseek into 

2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. The
module was built to be the living quarters for the International
Space Station (ISS.) 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, July 11

What were the biggest news yesterday?
The promised riots against democracy?
Kate Upton topless in Sports Illustrated, pictures and movie clips!
Americans have their priorities.
The riots against democracy will have to wait. 
Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
2nd time in a week DUI driver runs 
back to burning car to light a smoke
Today, July 11 in
1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through 
the Telstar I satellite. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Treat people as they are, and they will remain that way. Treat them as they can be and you help them become what they are capable of becoming. --- Goethe Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide (1869 - 1951) The Americans have need of the telephone, but we do not. We have plenty of messenger boys. --- Sir William Preece, chief engineer of the British Post Office, 1876 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman joined a health spa and on her first day, she eagerly joined in on an exercise class. However, when it ended, she went to the front desk and requested cancellation of her membership. When asked why, she replied, "Your floors are so low, I cannot touch my toes!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Waterbed Testing _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Unk Wes for this story: A simple lesson illustrating the difference between the two parties. Fred Thompson and Hillary were walking down the street when they came to a homeless person. The Republican, Fred Thompson, gave the homeless person his business card and told him to come to his office for a job. He then took $20 out of his pocket and gave it to the homeless person. Hillary was very impressed, so when they came to another homeless person, she decided to help. She walked over to the homeless person and gave him directions to the welfare office. She then reached into Thompson's pocket and got out $20. She kept $15 for her administrative fees and gave the homeless person $5. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Quigley, 25 Citrus Heights, California 2nd time in a week DUI driver runs back to burning car to light a smoke A suspected drunken driver went back to his burning car Sunday to try lighting his cigarette using the flames, according to the CHP. Amy Walker with the CHP says Robert Quigley, 25, rear-ended an SUV that was stopped in traffic on westbound Interstate 80 just west of Antelope Road. At the time of the crash, Quigley was driving around 75 to 80 mph. A CHP officer spotted the car after it burst into flames and turned around in traffic to help. As he did, he spotted Quigley switch seats with his female passenger. Quigley later admitted to the officer that he was behind the wheel at the time of the crash. A witness told officials a shirtless Quigley went back to his burning car to light his cigarette, singeing part of his eyebrows off in the process, according to Walker. Quigley later told the officer at the scene, “Yeah I’m not afraid of fire. I deal with this kind of stuff all the time.” Walker says Quigley sustained a burn on his neck from his seatbelt. No one else was injured in the crash. Quigley has been charged on suspicion of driving under the influence and is being booked into the Sacramento County Main Jail. This is the second time he has been picked up for DUI in the last week after Grass Valley CHP stopped him during a separate incident.
Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Javascript Dear Webby, do i need javascript if i have sun java installed already? thanks, daniel Dear Daniel You don't install Javascript. Javascript is on web pages, using the SUN Java that you already have installed. You can allow or disallow the use of javascript in your browser's Internet Options. If you don't allow it, a lot of pages won't work right. Javascript has been around for a long time. I used to build shopping carts with it 20 years ago. Even today, most banking and shopping pages won't work right if you don't allow scripting. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A student from the University of Washington has sold his soul on eBay for $400. He's a law student, so he probably doesn't need it, but still, that’s not very much. Today, Hillary Clinton said, "Hey, at least I got some furniture and a Senate seat for mine." ---Jay Leno
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The Smiths were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Smith made it clear that he didn't want to spend a lot of money. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered, "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Smith turned to his wife... "Show him your tooth, honey!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Making Non-Slip Hangers By LoveLiveHome Hot Glue on HangerInstead of buying expensive hangers to keep your silky shirts looking nice and from falling off of the hanger, buy plastic hangers and make a zig zag line of hot glue across the hanger. Ta-da! No slip grip! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there.
___________________________________________________ I went along with a friend when she took her female Akita, Sasha to be bred. It is common practice for both the client and the owner of the dogs to oversee the mating, just to be sure a breeding did take place also to prevent the dogs from harming each other. The male was getting on in years but his owner didn't expect any problems. The impressive looking male Akita, General, was introduced to flirlty Sasha. She play bowed, spun in circles, barked, presented the baby making area to him. She was ready. Before she arrived, the owner had put a bowl of home cooked doggie stew out for General. The huge Akita looked at Sasha, looked at the bowl, back at the female. He put a paw on Sasha's shoulder as if in apology, then turned away to flop down in front of the stew to eat. Slowly, his eyes half closed, he was set to enjoy every morsal. I expected the owner to be a bit embarrassed. After all the client had driven 500 miles to have her Akita bred. Watching his male dog choose stew over a pretty female, he just shook his head then mournfully said ,"Please Lord, don't ever let me get that old!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST Julius Caesar (also Gerorge Bush): My last job involved a lot of office politics and back stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that. Jesse James: I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership, extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity measures at numerous banks. Marie Antoinette: My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to think of myself as a people person. Joseph Guillotin: I can give your company a head start on the competition. Hamlet: My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover. Lucrezia Borgia: My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the department, our competition just seemed to drop out of sight one by one. Pandora: I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering new things. Genghis Khan: My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I downsized my staff, my organization, and the populations of several countries. Macbeth: Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion? Lady Godiva: What do you mean this isn't business casual? Elvis: My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries? Hillary: I would like to put my criminal past behind me and get on with governing the Universe, even though it is very difficult to find competent scape goats. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 11 in
1346 Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in

1533 Henry VIII, who divorced his wife and became head of the
church of England, was excommunicated from the Catholic Church by
Pope Clement VII. 

1708 The French were defeated at Oudenarde, Malplaquet, in the
Netherlands by the Duke of Marlborough and Eugene of Savoy. 

1742 A papal decree was issued condemning the disciplining actions
of the Jesuits in China. 

1786 Morocco agreed to stop attacking American ships in the
Mediterranean for a payment of $10,000. They took the money, but
did not stop their piracy until the marines went there and adjusted
their attitudes.

1798 The U.S. Marine Corps was formally re-established by "An Act
for Establishing a Marine Corps" passed by the U.S. Congress. The
act also created the U.S. Marine Band. The Marines were first
commissioned by the Continental Congress on November 10, 1775. 

1804 The United States' first secretary of the treasury, Alexander
Hamilton, was killed by Vice President Aaron Burr in a duel. 

1864 In the U.S., Confederate forces led by Gen. Jubal Early began
an invasion of Washington, DC. They turned back the next day. 

1918 Enrico Caruso recorded "Over There" written by George M.

1934 U.S. President Franklin Delano Roosevelt became the first
American chief executive to travel through the Panama Canal while
in office. 

1955 The U.S. Air Force Academy was dedicated in Colorado at Lowry
Air Base. 

1962 The first transatlantic TV transmission was sent through the
Telstar I satellite. 

1972 U.S. forces broke the 95-day siege at An Loc in Vietnam. 

1977 The Medal of Freedom was awarded posthumously to Rev. Martin
Luther King Jr. in a White House ceremony. 

1979 The abandoned U.S. space station Skylab returned to Earth. It
burned up in the atmosphere and showered debris over the Indian
Ocean and Australia. 

1985 Dr. H. Harlan Stone announced that he had used zippers for
stitches on 28 patients. The zippers were used when he thought he
may have to re-operate. 

1985 Nolan Ryan (Houston Astros) became the first major league
pitcher to earn 4,000 strikeouts in a career. (Texas) 

1995 Full diplomatic relations were established between the United
States and Vietnam. 

1998 U.S. Air Force Lt. Michael Blassie, a casualty of the Vietnam
War, was laid to rest near his Missouri home. He had been
positively identified from his remains that had been enshrined in
the Tomb of the Unknowns in Arlington, VA. 

1999 A U.S. Air Force jet flew over the Antarctic and dropped off
emergency medical supplies for Dr. Jerri Nelson after she had
discovered a lump in her breast. Nelso was at the Amundsen-Scott
South Pole Research Center. 

2000 The video "Jaws," the Anniversary Collector's Edition, was

2000 Liam Neeson broke his pelvis after hitting a deer with his
Harley Davidson motorcycle. 

2018  smiled.

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Checking mail from two mqachines 

Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, July 10

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Neck tattoo with PA man's 
name foils fake ID
Today, July 10 in
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 
134 degrees in Death Valley, CA. 
Did they have a spell of Gullible Warming?
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden (1631 - 1700) Confidence is contagious. So is lack of confidence. - --- Vince Lombardi ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A flight attendant on a cross-country flight nervously announced about 30 minutes outbound from LA, "I don't know how this happened, but we have 103 passengers aboard and only 40 dinners." When the passengers' muttering had died down, she continued, "Anyone who is kind enough to give up his meal so someone else can eat, will receive free drinks for the length of the flight." Her next announcement came an hour later. "If anyone wants to change his mind, we still have 29 dinners available!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A classic! Dear Mom, Our Scoutmaster told us all to write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only one of our tents and two sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her that he's OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride on one of the search and rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put a gas can on a fire, the gas can will blow up? Billy is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you to have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride in the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with ten people in a car. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also, Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and became our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy more bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Johnny ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Chad M Stitch, 35, Greensburg, Pennsylvania Neck tattoo with PA man's name foils fake ID The tattoo gave it away. A Greensburg police officer knew a Greensburg man was giving him a fake name, according to court papers. The evidence was right there in front of him tattooed on the suspect's neck. Chad M. Stitch, who turns 35 today, was riding in a car that was pulled over Wednesday after it was suspected to be involved in a drug deal, according to police. Stitch is being held in the Westmoreland County Prison on $300,000 bail. A witness reported to police an apparent drug deal involving a blue Chevrolet Malibu at 7:15 p.m. in a parking lot along South Main Street. At the same time, police saw the same car speeding in that area, eventually catching up with it close to the Cedar Street exit of Route 30, according to an affidavit. The passenger identified himself as Chad Majors, but Detective John Swank called his bluff. Swank had arrested Stitch in 2012. I told Stitch that he had provided a false name and I knew he was Chad Stitch, Swank wrote in the complaint. He denied that and stated that his name was Chad Majors. I observed Stitch tattooed on the left side of his neck and told Stitch that his name was tattooed on his neck. Police said they seized about 40 bags of suspected heroin stamped Super Mario and Polo, 23 Ecstasy tablets, marijuana and $180. Stitch is charged with drug offenses and false identification to police. He did not have an attorney listed in online court records. A preliminary hearing is set Thursday. A drunken driving charge is pending against the car's driver, police said.
Tech Support Pits From: Barbara Re: Check mail from two machines Dear Webby, Thanks for your previous help. I have another question. How can I use my Outlook Express from my desktop and my laptop using the same name and password. In other words how can I access the same mailbox from both computers and not lose the emails on my desk top? Thank you Barbara Dear Barbara With standard email programs you would set the program on the laptop to "Leave Mail On Server", and on the one on the desktop leave it on the default ("Delete mail off the server when downloaded"). So that you also have the OUT mail on the desktop, you simply BCC your replies to yourself. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Since there was no electricity, the doctor handed the father-to-be a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a baby boy was brought into the world. "Whoa there," said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down ... I think there's yet another one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a baby girl. "No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern ... It seems there's yet another one coming!" cried the doctor. The Goober scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor, "Do you think it's the light that's attractin' 'em?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When my aunt's youngest child was 3, he wanted a curse word that he could use. To appease the kid she told him that he could say, "Dag nabbit." Well, the problem was that when he said it, it came out as, "Damm Wabbit." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Put Straw on Top of Your Potatoes When you plant potatoes, layer about 2 feet of straw on top. The plants will grow through and make potatoes on top of the ground and the straw will shrink down during the summer. By Glenita If you don't have straw, an old bed sheet works even better. When you see the greens lifting the sheet, stab it with a knife and let the greens wiggle out. The potaoes will grow just fine below the sheet, and from early summer on you can reach under the sheet and grab a meal's worth of clean potatoes. That worked well for me even in the Yukon. In cold climate like the Yukon, a plastic tunnel above the potato greenery of course helps a lot. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
How can you eat these beautiful creations?
___________________________________________________ Little Johnny went to the store with his grandmother. On the way home, he looked through her bags to see what she had purchased. In one package, Little Johnny found some panty hose and he began to sound out the words "Queen Size." He then turned to his grandmother and exclaimed, "WOW! Look Gramma! You're as wide as Mom's bed!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A couple had two little boys ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed but asked to see them individually. So the mother sent her 8-year-old first, in the morning, with the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" They boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there with his mouth hanging open, wide-eyed. So the clergyman repeated the question in an even sterner tone, "Where is God!!?" Again the boy made no attempt to answer. So the clergyman raised his voice even more and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened? The younger brother, gasping for breath, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, dude. God is missing - and they think WE did it!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 10 in

1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under the
leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria. 

1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony. 

1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in New York

1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared war
on England. 

1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was sold
by Spain. 

1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil. 

1900 'His Master's Voice', was registered with the U.S. Patent
Office. The logo of the Victor Recording Company, and later, RCA
Victor, shows the dog, Nipper, looking into the horn of a
gramophone machine. 

1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an
altitude of one mile. 

1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 134
degrees in Death Valley, CA. 

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was hand delivered to the U.S. Senate
by President Wilson. 

1925 The official news agency of the Soviet Union, TASS, was

1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures. 

1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world. 

1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II. 

1947 Saab introduced the Model 92 prototype as its first

1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. The
picture tube measured 12 by 16 and sold for $12. 

1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began at

1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time in
133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown. 

1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea after
heavy fighting. 

1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. The
satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between Europe and the

1962 Fred Baldasare swam the English Channel underwater. It was a
42 miles and took 18 hours. 

1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after three
centuries of British colonial rule. 

1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, it was
renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced that they would
continue to sell "New" Coke. 

1990 Mikhail Gorbachev won re-election as the leader of the Soviet
Communist Party. 

1991 Boris Yeltsin took the oath of office as the first elected
president of the Russian republic. 

1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against South
Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward racial

1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton
supported a theory that all humanity descended from an "African
Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago. 

1998 The World Bank approved a $700 million loan to Thailand. 

1999 The heads of six African nations that had troops in the
Democratic Republic of the Congo signed a cease-fire agreement that
would end the civil war in that nation. 

2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents"
sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's. 

2015 In South Carolina, the Confederate flag was removed for the
last time from the Capitol grounds and taken to a state military

2018  smiled.

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Calendar Makers 

Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, July 9

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texan tried to steal an suv with kids inside
then the mom shot him.
Today, July 9 in
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds. --- Albert Einstein I believe that banking institutions are more dangerous to our liberties than standing armies. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals. I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants. --- A. Whitney Brown ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The graduate with a Science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate with an Engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an Accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an Liberal Arts degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny early spring day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to brag to?" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by (Previous mug shot) Ricky Wright, 36, Dallas, Texas A man tried to steal an suv with kids inside then the mom shot him. A Texas mother used her firearm to prevent a kidnapping after a man allegedly tried to steal her SUV with her two toddlers inside. Michelle Booker-Hicks was at a gas station in Dallas on Wednesday night when the attendant alerted her that a carjacker had begun to drive her car away, reported Dallas Morning News. She was able to jump into the back seat, and after a brief altercation, she pulled a gun from her glove compartment. The suspect, Ricky Wright, 36, was shot in the head and immediately crashed the vehicle into a utility pole. Wright was taken to the hospital with non-life threatening injuries. “I should have just emptied the whole clip but I didn’t. I didn’t. I just wanted to give him warning shot, that was it,” Booker said to KTVT-TV. “I’m not a killer or anything like that, but I do believe in defending what’s mine.” Wright was arrested and charged with two counts of unlawful restraint and unauthorized use of motor vehicle. He has an extensive criminal record, with more than 20 charges on a variety of crimes, reported ABC13. The mother and her children were unharmed.
Tech Support Pits From: Tam Re: Calendar maker Dear Webby, thanks for the humor letter, lovin it everyday, I was wondering if you know of anyplace online that I can print calenders..monthy ones. thanks Tam Dear Tam I just use a spreadsheet to make calendars whenever I neend some, but you can go to and generate and print them rightoff their site. Have FUN DearWebby

Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Chuck for this report: I was reminded of the time I was in Washington (the State) eating breakfast at a little diner in the middle of no-where. In the next booth were 3 state police chatting and having coffee. One of them told the story of the time they had set up a speed trap way out in the middle of nowhere. Long stretches between small towns. This guy comes along, really screaming. Gets a ticket. Goes a little way, stomps on the pedal and the next officer in the line stops him and gives him another ticket. The guy ends up with 5 speeding tickets. He was thinking that its so remote, there can't be another cop for miles. And especially after the 4 ticket he knows, there can't be another.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Recycled Water For Plants Don't pour water that you use for cooking vegetables down the drain. It works great for watering plants, especially when there is a water shortage. Fish tank water is also full of nutrients that your plants will love. Dish water and tub water can also be used. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
How can you eat these beautiful creations?
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: At the banquet of their 25th wedding anniversary, Tom was asked to give his friends a brief account of the benefits of a marriage of such a long duration. "Tell us Tom, just what is it you have learned from all those wonderful years with your wife"? Tom responded, "Well, I've learned that marriage is the best teacher of all. It teaches you loyalty, forbearance, meekness, self-restraint, forgiveness and a great many other qualities you wouldn't have needed if you'd stayed single!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
WEIRD QUESTIONS Actual questions I have been asked by pet owners. Q. Why does my dog drink out of the toilet bowl? A. Because you left the lid up. Q. What should I do if I find a snake in my yard? A. Scream, run like hell, leave it alone, he'll leave. Q. How can I keep my clothes dry when I bath the dog? A. Strip. Q. Why does my fish food taste so bad. A. You actually tasted the stuff?. Q.The pet store said my rabbits were both girls. Now there are baby bunnies. What happened? A. Take a deep breath. Ready? One is a boy! Q. The vet said to give my cat three pills a day. My cat won't swallow them. Should I put the pills up his bottom? A. Poor cat. Phone me first, I want to watch! ____________________________________________________

Today, July 9 in
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city. 

0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became Emperor
of the West. 

1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage to his
fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled. 

1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted
Bohemia freedom of worship. 

1755 General Edward Braddock was mortally wounded when French and
Indian troops ambushed his force of British regulars and colonial
militia. He died on July 13. 

1776 The American Declaration of Independence was read aloud to
Gen. George Washington's troops in New York. 

1789 In Versailles, the French National Assembly declared itself
the Constituent Assembly and began to prepare a French

1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet at
the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea. 

1792 S.L. Mitchell of Columbia College in New York City became the
first Professor of Agriculture. 

1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker. 

1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain. 

1847 A 10-hour work day was established for workers in the state of
New Hampshire. 

1868 The 14th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified. The
amendment was designed to grant citizenship to and protect the
civil liberties of recently freed slaves. It did this by
prohibiting states from denying or abridging the privileges or
immunities of citizens of the United States, depriving any person
of his life, liberty, or property without due process of law, or
denying to any person within their jurisdiction the equal
protection of the laws. 

1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel. 

1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas Sanders
and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company. 

1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe. 

1900 The Commonwealth of Australia was established by an act of the
British Parliament, uniting the separate colonies under a federal

1922 Johnny Weissmuller became the first person to swim the 100
meters freestyle in less than a minute. 

1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on

1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to Lt. Philip
Mountbatten was announced. 

1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end the state
of war between the United States and Germany. 

1953 New York Airways began the first commuter passenger service by

1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility of the
Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units. 

1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined $3
million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield. 

2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a large ramp
and jumped across the Great Wall of China. He was the first person
to clear the wall without motorized aid. 

2015 The South Carolina House of Representatives approved taking
down the Confederate flag from the Capitol grounds. The flag was
removed the next day and taken to a state military museum. 

2018  smiled.

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Keeping neighbors off your wireless 


Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, July 8

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Counterfeit user in Florida caught
Today, July 8 in
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Cockroaches and socialites are the only things that can stay up all night and eat anything. --- Herb Caen If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner. --- Douglas Adams ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man goes to the doctor and says, "Doc, I would like to live very long. What should I do?" "I think that is a wise decision," the doctor replies. "Let's see, do you smoke?" "Oh.. Half a pack a day." "Starting NOW, no more smoking." The man agrees. The doctor then asks, "Do you drink?" "Oh, well Doc, not much, just a bit of wine with my meals, and a beer or two every once in a while." "Starting now, you drink only water. No exceptions." The man is a bit upset, but also agrees. The doctor asks, "How do you eat?" "Oh, well, you know, Doc, normal stuff." "Starting now you are going on a very strict diet. You are going to eat only raw vegetables, with no dressing, and non-fat cottage cheese." The man is now really worried. "Doc, is all this really necessary?" "Do you want to live long?" "Yes." "Well then, it's absolutely necessary. And don't even think of breaking the diet." The man is quite restless, but the doctor continues, "Do you have sex?" "Yeah, once a week or so..., only with my wife!" he adds hurriedly. "As soon as you get out of here you are going to buy twin beds. No more sex for you. None." The man is appalled. "Doc... Are you sure I'm going to live longer this way?" "I have no idea, but whatever you live, I assure you is going to seem like an eternity!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Tom's barn burned down and his wife, Matilda Jane, called her insurance agent to file a claim... Matilda Jane told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money, right quick!" The agent replied, "Just a minute, there, Matilda Jane. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Matilda Jane replied, "Then I'd like to cancel the policy on my husband... Right NOW!!" ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Priscilla Corpus, 21, North Lauderdale, Florida Counterfeit user in Florida caught A Florida woman's free fast food binge ended Tuesday. According to a Facebook post from the Martin County Sheriff's Office, Priscilla Corpus and her alleged partner in crime Jeffrey Scot Robinson was taken into custody on Tuesday. According to, staffers at Dunkin Donuts tipped off cops to what appeared to be a fake bill. Deputies stopped the pair's trek in Stuart as they were motoring to their next location to hit up. In their car, along with numerous bags of food from restaurants along the Treasure Coast, deputies found more than $500 in counterfeit $20 and $50 bills, along with more than $1,500 in real U.S. currency. "The duo also had two fake guns, a number of wigs and a change of clothing," read the report. Corpus, who is from North Lauderdale, admitted to detectives she would go to various fast/casual food chains like Dunkin Donuts, Panera and McDonald's and pay for a meal with a counterfeit bill, then get authentic money in change. Robinson, who is from Pompano Beach, was the driver, but had no valid license, said the sheriff's department. Corpus, 21, was charged with uttering a forged instrument (three counts), possessing forged bills and permitting an unauthorized operator to drive. She is being held at the Martin County Jail on a $20,400 bond, according to deputies. Robinson was charged with operating a vehicle without a license, and resisting arrest without violence. The 19 year old, who was not involved with any phony cash transactions, cops say, was released from the Martin County Jail on $950 bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Keeping neighbors off your wireless Dear Webby, I have wireless, but always wonder if someone is "piggy- backing" off of my signel. How does one stop a neighbor from doing this? Dear Wes Password your access. Or, if your neighbors don't have any hackabilly teenagers, rent them a share. Most routers are good for six shares. It is still a good idea to password your wireless and give each share a password. In many towns junior geeks go "war cruising" to find open networks, and use them to get onto the net to do all kinds of mischief. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A visitor from Holland was chatting with his American friend and was jokingly explaining about the red, white and blue in the Netherlands flag. "Our flag symbolizes our taxes," he said. "We get red when we talk about them, white when we get our tax bill, and blue after we pay them." "That's the same with us," the American said, "only we see stars, too."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Smith emailed his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he wrote, "my mother-in-law is doing some heavy house-cleaning tomorrow, and my wife wants me to go help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replied. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," Smith wrote back, "I knew I could count on you!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Camp Grill Cooking Tips Apply cooking spray to your grill to keep food from sticking. When cooking it in a pot, use a lid. The food will cook faster and it will help keep dirt and insects out of your meal. Wrap potatoes and other vegetables in foil with a little butter and spices to cook on the grill. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
800 year old doodles. Some things never change.
___________________________________________________ Morris and Manuel were partners in a very successful garment manufacturing company in N.Y.C. They Both were having a ' fling ' with Beckie....a young attractive model who worked for their firm. One rainy day Beckie announced to her two lovers, "I'm pregnant! " Since both partners were married men they decided that Manuel would take Beckie to Mexico where she could have the baby without a scandal. Manuel took off for Mexico with Beckie while Morris ran the business and worried. Several months later an Email arrived for Morris from Manuel. It read..." Dear Partner: Beckie had Twins. Mine died at birth. What do you want to name yours ? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When my sister Andrea got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room as Andrea descended the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "You're not losing a daughter," I reminded her in time- honored fashion. "You're gaining a son." "Oh, forget about that BS!" she wailed with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 8 in
1099 Christian soldiers on the First Crusade march around Jerusalem. 

1608 The first French settlement at Quebec was established by
Samuel de Champlain. 

1663 King Charles II of England granted a charter to Rhode Island. 

1693 Uniforms for police in New York City were authorized. 

1709 Peter the Great defeated Charles XII at Poltava, in the
Ukraine, The Swedish empire was effectively ended. 

1755 Britain broke off diplomatic relations with France as their
disputes in the New World intensified. 

1776 Col. John Nixon gave the first public reading of the U.S.
Declaration of Independence to a crowd at Independence Square in

1794 French troops captured Brussels, Belgium. 

1815 Louis XVIII returned to Paris after the defeat of Napoleon. 

1865 C.E. Barnes patented the machine gun. 

1879 The first ship to use electric lights departed from San
Francisco, CA. 

1881 Edward Berner, druggist in Two Rivers, WI, poured chocolate
syrup on ice cream in a dish. To this time chocolate syrup had only
been used for making ice-cream sodas. 

1889 John L. Sullivan defeated Jake Kilrain, in the last
championship bare-knuckle fight. The fight lasted 75 rounds. 

1907 Florenz Ziegfeld staged his first "Follies" on the roof of the
New York Theater in New York City. 

1947 Demolition work began in New York City for the new permanent
headquarters of the United Nations. 

1950 General Douglas MacArthur was named commander-in-chief of
United Nations forces in Korea. 

1953 Notre Dame announced that the next five years of its football
games would be shown in theatres over closed circuit TV. 

1960 The Soviet Union charged Gary Powers with espionage. He was
shot down in a U-2 spy plane. 

1963 All Cuban-owned assets in the United States were frozen. 

1969 The U.S. Patent Office issued a patent for the game "Twister."

1981 The Solar Challenger became the frist solar-powered airplane
to cross the English Channel. 

1986 Kurt Waldheim was inaugurated as president of Austria despite
controversy over his alleged ties to Nazi war crimes. 

1997 The Mayo Clinic and the U.S. government warned that the diet-
drug combination known as "fen-phen" could cause serious heart and
lung damage. 

1997 NATO invited Poland, Hungary, and the Czech Republic to join
the alliance in 1999. 

2010 The Solar Impulse completed the first 24-hour flight by a
solar powered plane. 

2018  smiled.

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Temp File 


Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  July 7

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Fashist climbs to foot of Statue of Liberty
Today, July 7 in
1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, 
on the Colorado River. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. --- Socratex Nothing is really work unless you would rather be doing something else. --- James M. Barrie (1860 - 1937 ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A mother-in-law arrives home from the shops to find her son-in-law Pete in a steaming rage and hurriedly packing his suitcase. "What happened Paddy ?" she asks anxiously. "What happened!! I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife telling her I was coming home today from my fishing trip. I get home... and guess what I found?? "Yes, your daughter, my wife Jean, naked with Tim McDurmt in our marital bed! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!" "Come now, calm down, calm down Paddy!" says his mother-in-law. "There is something very odd going on here. Jean would never do such a thing! There must be a simple explanation. 'll go speak to her immediately and find out what happened." Moments later, the mother-in-law comes back with a big smile. "There now Pete, you see? I told you there must be a simple explanation! "Well, WHAT is it?" Fumed Pete. "She never got your E-mail!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ MY ahirt! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Knowing that the minister was very fond of cherry brandy, one of the church elders offered to present him with a bottle on one consideration - that the pastor acknowledge receipt of the gift in the church paper. "Gladly," responded the good man. When the church magazine came out a few days later, the elder turned at once to the "appreciation" column. There he read: "The minister extends his thanks to Elder Brown for his gift of fruit and for the spirit in which it was given." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Therese Patricia Okoumou, 44, Staten Island, New York Fashist climbs to foot of Statue of Liberty Okoumou, a fanatic Fashist, climbed to the base of the Statue of Liberty to protest the Immigration and Customs Enforcement agency, which enforces decades-long federal immigration law that predates President Trump's tenure. She is a member of Rise and Resist, an anti-Trump group that claims because they are kinda stupid but noisy, they overrule the elected government, which held an Abolish ICE banner at the foot of the Statue of Liberty before her climb. The Hilarites demand open borders and to allow free and unchecked access for MS13 and other welfare recipients. And as Fashists, they claim they are right and the elected government is wrong. Okoumou vowed to stay atop the Statue of Liberty until all the illegal-alien children are released. In reality, Okoumou came down two hours into her failed publicity stunt after being taken into custody and jailed by the cops. The morons don't realize that the kids of arrested criminals, no matter whether the criminals had burglared into a bank or a country, can not be released onto the street, but have to remain with Child Services. Unlike the Obama era cages, nowadays Child services places the kids with foster homes or juvenile detention schools. Liberty Island had to evacuate 4,500 tourists on Independence Day thanks to Okoumou and her motley crew of fashist protesters. Okoumou is now sitting in jail along with six of her "Rise and Resist" crew, who ruined a holiday for innocent bystanders and police alike. Okoumou is facing charges of trespassing, disorderly conduct, and interfering with government functions. In August 2017, Okoumou was arrested and charged with misdemeanor assault for injuring a cop while resisting arrest during a protest. She has a history of filing unsuccessful race-discrimination lawsuits. In 2003, she filed a wrongful-termination lawsuit claiming racial discrimination after being fired from a battered-women's shelter called Safe Horizons. According to court records, Okoumou's boss said she was fired because she was rude and unprofessional to clients and colleagues. She lost the lawsuit. In 2007, Okoumou unsuccessfully filed another race discrimination complaint against a group home in Staten Island. It's unclear who's paying Okoumou's bills while she participates in weekly anti-Trump protests, or why she didn't launch similar protests when Barack Obama jailed and mass-deported illegal aliens during his eight years as president. The only change is that under Trump the detention facilities and procedures were drastically improved.
Tech Support Pits From: CJW Re: Temp File dear webby. question is there anyway to block this folder %temp%. type it run. see the email below about the question posed to me. thanks helmut! cjw MICROSOFT HAS A SECRET TEMP FOLDER THAT TAKES QUITE A BIT OF SPACE. TO DELETE THIS FOLDER GO TO START, RUN, AND TYPE IN %TEMP%. THEN OPEN, SELECT ALL AND DELETE. YOU 'LL GET A MESSAGE CANT THIS FILE, CLICK OK AND MOVE TO THE NEXT ONES. MAKE SURE ALL OPEN WINDOWS ARE CLOSED. WHEN I STARTED HAD 1700 ITEMS, FINISHED WITH THREE. DO THIS EVERY SO OFTEN. MARY REAL SIMPLE!! LOL CJW Dear Chuck What kind of Caps-Locker BS is that? The temp folder is not secret, never has been secret, and never will be secret. It is at C:\Documents and Settings\YourName\Local Settings\Temp There are more temp files in the same area. So what? You can use CrapCleaner to weed them out, but your browser will be slower, when it has to download stuff instead of re-using it. Honestly, it's not a sinister conspiracy to catch "Agent CapsLock". However, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you! Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
My Parents had not been out together in quite some time. One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my father stepped up behind her. "Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked. Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, "Oh, yes, I'd love to!" They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of it that Dad confessed. His question had actually been directed to the family dog, lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
And old fellow was snoozing away contentedly when he was startled awake by the doorbell. He staggered off the couch to make his way to the door. There stood a gorgeous young woman. "Oh my goodness," the pretty young thing exclaimed, "I'm at the wrong house." "Sweety, you're at the right house," the old guy assured her. "But you're forty years too late." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Bringing Batteries on Camping Trips Before packing electronic devices or flashlights, remove the batteries before and store them in a ziplock bag. That way if something accidentally gets flipped on, you won't run down your batteries. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A strange tooth washed up on the shore in North Carolina a couple of years ago.
___________________________________________________ I was listening to a lady who called a radio pastor. The pastor was a wise, grandfatherly gentleman who has that calm reassuring voice that can melt all fear. The lady, who was obviously crying, said, "Pastor, I was born blind, and I've been blind all my life. I don't mind being blind but I have some well meaning friends who tell me that if I had more faith I could be healed." The pastor asked her, "Tell me, do you carry one of those white tipped canes?" "Yes I do," she replied. "Then the next time someone says that, hit them over the head with the cane," He said. "Then tell them 'If they had more faith that wouldn't hurt!'" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ____________________________________________________

Today, July 7 in
1754 Kings College opened in New York City. It was renamed Columbia
College 30 years later. 

1846 U.S. annexation of California was proclaimed at Monterey after
the surrender of a Mexican garrison. 

1862 The first railroad post office was tested on the Hannibal and
St. Joseph Railroad in Missouri. 

1885 G. Moore Peters patented the cartridge-loading machine. 

1917 Aleksandr Kerensky formed a provisional government in Russia. 

1920 A device known as the radio compass was used for the first
time on a U.S. Navy airplane near Norfolk, VA. 

1930 Construction began on Boulder Dam, later Hoover Dam, on the
Colorado River. 

1937 Japanese forces invaded China. 

1946 Mother Frances Xavier Cabrini was canonized as the first
American saint. 

1950 The U.N. Security Council authorized military aid for South

1969 Canada's House of Commons gave final approval to a measure
that made the French language equal to English throughout the
national government. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan announced he was nominating Arizona
Judge Sandra Day O'Connor to become the first female justice on the
U.S. Supreme Court. 

1983 Eleven-year-old Samantha Smith of Manchester, Maine, left for
a visit to the Soviet Union at the personal invitation of Soviet
leader Yuri V. Andropov. 

1987 Public testimony at the Iran-Contra hearing began. 

1994, Inc. was founded in Seattle, Washington under the
name "Cadabra." 

1998 A jury in Santa Monica, CA, convicted Mikail Markhasev of
murdering Ennis Cosby, Bill Cosby's only son, during a roadside

1999 In Sierra Leone, President Ahmad Tejan Kabbah and rebel leader
Foday Sankoh signed a pact to end the nation's civil war. 

2000 Cisco Systems Inc. announced that it would buy Netiverse Inc.
for $210 million in stock. It was the 13th time Cisco had purchased
a company in 2000. 

2000 announced that they had sold almost 400,000 copies
of "Harry Potter and The Goblet of Fire," making it the biggest
selling book in e-tailing history. 

2003 In Liberia, a team of U.S. military experts arrived at the
U.S. embassy compound to assess whether to deploy troops as part of
a peacekeeping force in the country.

2018  smiled.

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Firefox problems 


Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  July 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
When his waitress told him he was too drunk 
for another drink, he got violent.
Today, July 6 in
1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
If nobody spoke unless he had something to say, the human race would very soon lose the use of speech. --- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965) People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ You Know You're Living in 2018 When... 1. You accidentally enter your password on the microwave. 2. You haven't played solitaire with real cards in years. 3. You have a list of 15 phone numbers to reach your family of 3. 4. You e-mail the person who works at the desk next to you. 5. Your reason for not staying in touch with friends and family is that they don't answer their e-mail. 6. You pull up in your own driveway and use your cell phone to see if anyone is home to help you carry in the groceries. 7. Every commercial on television has a web site at the bottom of the screen. 8. Leaving the house without your cell phone, which you didn't have the first 20 or 30 (or 60) years of your life, is now a cause for panic and you turn around to go and get it. 10. You get up in the morning and go on line before getting your coffee. 11. You start tilting your head sideways to smile. : ) 12. You're reading this and nodding and laughing. 13. Even worse, you know exactly to whom you are going to forward this message. 14. You are too busy to notice there was no #9 on this list. 15. You actually scrolled back up to check that there wasn't a #9 on this list. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Classic! Just as John got in the door, after staying at the bar a bit too long, the cuckoo clock in the hall started up and cuckooed 3 times. He realized his wife would probably wake up, so he cuckooed another 9 times. He was really proud of himself, having a quick witty solution, even when smashed, to escape a possible conflict. Next morning the wife asked him what time he got in and he told her 12 o'clock. She didn't seem disturbed at all. Whew! Got away with that one! She then told him that they needed a new cuckoo clock. When he asked her why, she said "Well, it cuckooed 3 times, said 'Oh, f@#%,' cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another 3 times, snickered, and finally cuckooed twice more, and then it farted." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Banks, 49, Spartanburg, South Carolina When his waitress told him he was too drunk for another drink, he got violent. A Wild Wing Cafe waitress made the call to stop serving drinks to a customer who was too intoxicated, and when the man was cut off, it was the start to a violent, drunken outburst, police say. William Banks was outraged when he was denied another alcoholic beverage shortly after midnight June 22 at the popular chicken wing restaurant, according to the Spartanburg Police Department. In less than an hour after being refused service, the South Carolina man threatened to shoot multiple members of the Wild Wing Cafe staff, assaulted his waitress, then told the officer arresting him he would get him fired, police reported. The waitress said she cut Banks off from alcohol after observing how drunk he was, causing him to become "irate and (he) started cussing her out when she refused him anymore alcohol," according to the police report. Police said Banks then tried to order a drink from the manager, who also refused him service because of his intoxicated state. Banks responded by swearing at the manager and "threatened to shoot her," police say. Banks then returned his focus to his waitress, directing vulgarities at her and "threatening to shoot her, as well," police reported. As the waitress tried to walk away, Banks struck her in the head, according to the incident report, which said a bartender witnessed the assault. At this point, the son of a staff member removed Banks from the restaurant by "physically carrying him outside," police said. The responding police officer found Banks walking down the street and detained the 49-year-old man, according to an incident report. A person who was with Banks at the restaurant during the incident told police "Banks was extremely intoxicated ... and knew Banks was wrong," the report said. After the waitress identified Banks, he was arrested. As Banks was being taken to the Spartanburg County Detention Center, he threatened the officer's job, saying "he knew who worked at the Spartanburg Police Department," according to the incident report. Banks, of Spartanburg, was charged with third-degree assault and battery, and trespassing after notice, according to jail records, which showed he was released the same day without bond.
Tech Support Pits From: Frieda Re: Firefox poblem Dear Webby, What's up with Firefox. All of a sudden when I try tiopen some mail I get a pop up saying couldn't load XPCOM. If Firefox decided to dump XP computers they gave me no warning. I went to Firefox sometime ago because Google kept saying a lot of my contacts did not have a secure site. Everything was fine until a couple days ago. How are you getting along? Sure has been an odd summer down here in States, weatherwise. Any thoughts on my problem will be appreciated. Frieda Dear Frieda Your FireFox is trashed. This method has worked for most of the users and it is very easy to follow. Get into Chrome or Internet Explorer or another browser, simply head over to the following address to download the latest setup file for Firefox, run it and install. By the way, if you use Chrome or Gmail, the message of sites not being secure is meaningless. It just tells you that some sites, that don't need security, like for example the Humor Letter, don't have the same security as the bank. So what? You are not entering your bank info or your bra size in the Humor Letter. Don't worry about that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The company next door was encountering so many errors, they are now seriously considering buying a computer to blame them on.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Kati for this picture: Finally found a way to stabilize my weight! I can't believe I was doing it wrong all these years. We must get the word out. Kati ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Store Craft Supplies in Tackle Boxes By ramya [1 Post, 1 Comment] I use fishing tackle boxes from Walmart or Kmart to store craft supplies or sewing notions like threads, buttons, needles, beads, etc. I also use one box for kids art supplies like crayons, pencils, markers, erasers, etc. They have adjustable plastic dividers that can be fixed to the size of the item you need to store. I store my earrings and jewelery in one and makeup accessories in another. These boxes have handles to carry them around easily and also stack well for easy storage. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A brief compendium of art nouveau treasures.
___________________________________________________ Mrs. Culpepper was almost in tears. "Oh Marie," she said to her maid, "I have reason to suspect that my husband is having an affair with his secretary." "I don't believe it for one minute." Marie snapped. "You're just saying that to make me jealous." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Phil for this story: My two-year-old daughter, Paige, was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. Paige kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, Paige marched up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her shoulder. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!" My wife, Lani, woke from her doze to the sound of the other patients laughing hysterically. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 6 in
1483 King Richard III of England was crowned. 

1699 Captain William Kidd, the pirate, was captured in Boston, MA,
and deported back to England. 

1777 British forces captured Fort Ticonderoga during the American

1858 Lyman Blake patented the shoe manufacturing machine. 

1885 Louis Pasteur successfully tested his anti-rabies vaccine. The
child used in the test later became the director of the Pasteur

1905 Fingerprints were exchanged for the first time between
officials in Europe and the U.S. The person in question was John

1917 During World War I, Arab forces led by T.E. Lawrence captured
the port of Aqaba from the Turks. 

1919 A British dirigible landed in New York at Roosevelt Field. It
completed the first crossing of the Atlantic Ocean by an airship. 

1923 The Union of Soviet Socialist Republics was established. 

1928 "The Lights of New York" was previewed in New York's Strand
Theatre. It was the first all-talking movie. 

1942 Diarist Anne Frank and her family took refuge from the Nazis
in Amsterdam. 

1945 Nicaragua became the first nation to formally accept the
United Nations Charter. 

1947 "Candid Microphone" began airing on ABC radio. 

1966 Malawi became a republic within the Commonwealth with Dr.
Hastings Banda as its first president. 

1967 The Biafran War erupted. The war lasted two-and-a-half years.
About 600,000 people died. 

1981 Former President of Argentina Isabel Peron was freed after
five years of house arrest by a federal court. 

1981 The Dupont Company announced an agreement to purchase Conoco,
Inc. (Continental Oil Co.) for $7 billion. At the time it was the
largest merger in corporate history. 

1985 The submarine Nautilus arrived in Groton, Connecticut. The
vessel had been towed from Mare Island Naval Shipyard. 

1988 Several popular beaches were closed in New York City due to
medical waste and other debris began washing up on the seashores. 

1989 The U.S. Army destroyed its last Pershing 1-A missiles at an
ammunition plant in Karnack, TX. The dismantling was under the
terms of the 1987 Intermediate-range Nuclear Forces Treaty. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder released Sojourner, a robot rover on the
surface of Mars. The spacecraft landed on the red planet on July

1997 In Cambodia, Second Prime Minister Hun Sen ousted First Prime
Minister Norodom Ranariddh and claimed to have the capital under
his control. 

1998 Protestants rioted in many parts of Northern Ireland after
British authorities blocked an Orange Order march in Portadown. 

2000 A jury awarded former NHL player Tony Twist $24 million for
the unauthorized use of his name in the comic book Spawn and the
HBO cartoon series. Co-defendant HBO settled with Twist out of
court for an undisclosed amount. 

2018  smiled.

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Alternate default picture viewer 


Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  July 5

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
SC crook out of jail for 30 minutes   
then stole a police car
Today, July 5 in
1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the junction transistor. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
The most wasted of all days is one without laughter. --- E E Cummings (1894 - 1962) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Tom had proposed to young Maureen and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir", replied Tom, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Maureen's father warningly. "There are twelve of us." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Interview with Yogi Berra Interviewer: Can you explain jazz? Yogi: I can't, but I will. 90% of all jazz is half improvisation. The other half is the part people play while others are playing something they never played with anyone who played that part. So if you play the wrong part, its right. If you play the right part, it might be right if you play it wrong enough. But if you play it too right, it's wrong. Interviewer: I don't understand. Yogi: Anyone who understands jazz knows that you can't understand it. It's too complicated. That's whats so simple about it. Interviewer: Do you understand it? Yogi: No. That's why I can explain it. If I understood it, I wouldnt know anything about it. Interviewer: Are there any great jazz players alive today? Yogi: No. All the great jazz players alive today are dead. Except for the ones that are still alive. But so many of them are dead, that the ones that are still alive are dying to be like the ones that are dead. Some would kill for it. Interviewer: What is syncopation? Yogi: That's when the note that you should hear now happens either before or after you hear it. In jazz, you don't hear notes when they happen because that would be some other type of music. Other types of music can be jazz, but only if they're the same as something different from those other kinds. Interviewer: Now I really don't understand. Yogi: I haven't taught you enough for you to not understand jazz ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Davon Deangelo Fuller 23, Holly Hill, South Carolina SC crook out of jail for 30 minutes then stole a police car A South Carolina man was back behind bars less than 24 hours after being released from a Lowcountry jail. Davon Deangelo Fuller did not waste any time getting back into trouble with law enforcement. The 23-year-old Holly Hill man was released from the Hill-Finklea Detention Center at 9:30 p.m. Monday, reported. By 9:55 p.m. Fuller had not left the parking lot, but Moncks Corner Police said he already committed a crime, according to Fuller stole a car a Berkeley County Sheriff's Office deputy's car from the detention center parking lot, reported. Police said Fuller was caught on surveillance footage hanging around outside the jail after his release. The video showed him attempting to open several cars, according to, which said he wasn't successful until he got to the patrol car of Berkeley County Sheriff's deputy Javon Dingle. The car was unlocked, and a spare set of keys was not the only thing inside, reported. Police said that Dingle's service pistol was also in the vehicle when Fuller stole the car. After viewing the surveillance footage, it didn't take law enforcement long to locate Fuller, who was arrested Tuesday, "in possession of the car and the gun," in St. Stephen, where police reported he told officers "he stole the vehicle because he needed a ride," according to Fuller was charged with grand larceny (value more than $2,000 but less than $10,000), according to jail records. Fuller, who had been in jail for unlawful carrying of a pistol, was behind bars again, this time in the Berkeley County Detention Center, according to the sheriff's office. He has not had a bond hearing for the most recent charge.
Tech Support Pits From: Joyce Re: Choice of picture viewer Dear Webby Whenever someone sends me a picture attachment, the Windows picture viewer pops up with the attachment. How can I change it so that my Picasa shows the picture instead of the Windows picture viewer? Is it even possible to change it to something other than that? Thanks and have a great weekend! Sincerely, Joyce Dear Joyce Go to MyComputer Tools Folder Options DON'T do what Microsoft says at they are a bit confused about it. Instead click on File Types After a while, it will fill it's window with all the file types and shows what programs are associated with them. Find JPG, and change it's file association to Picasa then do the same for GIF and PNG When done, hit OK until you are out of all that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Q: How many women with PMS does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: One. ONE!! And do you know WHY it only takes ONE? Because no one else in this house knows HOW to change a light bulb. They don't even know the bulb is BURNED OUT. They would sit in this house in the dark for THREE DAYS before they figured it OUT. And once they figured it out they wouldn't be able to find the light bulbs despite the fact that they've been in the SAME CUPBOARD for the past SEVENTEEN YEARS. But if they did, by some miracle, actually find the light bulbs, TWO DAYS LATER the chair that they dragged from two rooms over to stand on to change the STUPID light bulb would STILL BE IN THE SAME SPOT!! AND UNDERNEATH IT WOULD BE THE CRUMPLED WRAPPER THE STUPID @*!#$% LIGHT BULBS CAME IN! WHY?! BECAUSE NO ONE IN THIS HOUSE EVER CARRIES OUT THE GARBAGE!! IT'S A WONDER WE HAVEN'T ALL SUFFOCATED FROM THE PILES OF GARBAGE THAT ARE 12 FEET DEEP THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE HOUSE. THE HOUSE!! IT WOULD TAKE AN ARMY TO CLEAN THIS . . . I'm sorry. . .what did you ask me?
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A young and arrogant pilot wanted to "show off" on the aviation frequencies as he was approaching an airfield during the night. So, he disregarded policy and, instead of making an official request to the tower, he said, "Guess who?" The air traffic controller switched the field lights off and replied, "Guess where?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Organized Camping Meals Here's a tip to save to help you organize your meals when camping. Measure ingredients for a recipe into small ziplock bags and then place those into one large bag with a label. It makes meal preparation a snap and ensures that you don't pack a lot of extra ingredients. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A brief compendium of art nouveau treasures.
___________________________________________________ A circus owner walked into a bar to see everyone crowded about a table watching a little show. On the table was an upside-down pot and a duck tap dancing on it. The circus owner was so impressed that he offered to buy the duck from its owner. After some wheeling and dealing they settled for $10,000 for the duck and the pot. Three days later the circus owner runs back to the bar in anger, "Your duck is a rip-off! I put him on the pot before a whole audience and he didn't dance a single step!" "So?" asked the ducks former owner, "did you remember to light the candle under the pot?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Fred had been a faithful Christian and was in the hospital with heart trou8ble. The family called their pastor to stand with them. As the pastor stood next to the bed, Fred's condition appeared to deteriorate and he motioned frantically for something to write on. The pastor lovingly handed him a pen and a piece of paper, and Fred used his last bit of energy to scribble a note, then he died. The pastor thought it best not to look at the note at that time, so he placed it in his jacket pocket. Several days later, at the funeral, as the pastor was finishing the eulogy, he realized that he was wearing the same jacket that he was wearing when Fred had died. He said, "you know, ol' Fred handed me a note just before he died. I haven't looked at it, but knowing Fred, I'm sure there's a word of inspiration there for us all. Let's have his son read it to us!" His son opened the note, and read aloud, "You're standing on my oxygen tube, you useless windbag!" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 5 in
1806 A Spanish army repelled the British during their attempt to
retake Buenos Aires, Argentina. 

1811 Venezuela became the first South American country to declare
independence from Spain. 

1814 U.S. troops under Jacob Brown defeated a superior British
force at Chippewa, Canada. 

1830 France occupied the North African city of Algiers. 

1832 The German government began curtailing freedom of the press
after German Democrats advocate a revolt against Austrian rule. 

1839 British naval forces bombarded Dingai on Zhoushan Island in
China and then occupied it. 

1863 U.S. Federal troops occupied Vicksburg, MS, and distributed
supplies to the citizens. 

1865 William Booth founded the Salvation Army in London. 

1865 The U.S. Secret Service Division was created to combat
currency counterfeiting, forging and the altering of currency and

1892 Andrew Beard was issued a patent for the rotary engine. 

1916 Adelina and August Van Buren started on the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. They
started in New York City and arrived in San Diego, CA, on September
12, 1916. 

1935 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the National Labor Relations
Act into law. The act authorized labor to organize for the purpose
of collective bargaining. 

1940 During World War II, Britain and the Vichy government in
France broke diplomatic relations. 

1941 German troops reached the Dnieper River in the Soviet Union. 

1943 The battle of Kursk began as German tanks attack the Soviet
salient. It was the largest tank battle in history. 

1946 The bikini bathing suit, popularized by Louis Reard, made its
debut during a fashion show at the Molitor Pool in Paris. Micheline
Bernardini wore the two-piece outfit. 

1948 Britain's National Health Service Act went into effect,
providing government-financed medical and dental care. 

1950 U.S. forces engaged the North Koreans for the first time at
Osan, South Korea. 

1951 Dr. William Shockley announced that he had invented the
junction transistor. 

1962 Algeria became independent after 132 years of French rule. 

1975 Arthur Ashe became the first black man to win a Wimbledon
singles title when he defeated Jimmy Connors. 

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court weakened the 70-year-old "exclusionary
rule," deciding that evidence seized with defective court warrants
could be used against defendants in criminal trials. 

1991 Regulators shut down the Pakistani-managed Bank of Credit and
Commerce International (BCCI) in eight countries. The charge was
fraud, drug money laundering and illegal infiltration into the U.S.
banking system. 

1995 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to take antitrust
action against Ticketmaster. 

1998 Japan joined U.S. and Russia in space exploration with the
launching of the Planet-B probe to Mars. 

2000 Jordanian security agents shot and killed a Syrian hijacker
after he threw a grenade that exploded and wounded 15 passengers
aboard a Royal Jordanian airliner. 

2000 10 Bengal tigers, including 7 rare white tigers, died at the
Nandankanan Zoo in India. The tigers died of trypanosomiasis
(sleeping sickness). 

2000 Euan Blair, the oldest son of British prime minister Tony
Blair, was arrested after police found him drunk and lying on the
ground in London's Leicester Square. 

2018  smiled.

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Soft foculs for selection 


Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  July 4
Happy Independence Day for the US!

Happy Independence Day for the Philippines!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
 Florida woman tries to abduct kids from park,
 punches pregnant woman
Today, July 4 in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President
of the Continental Congress in America. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence 
for the first time in over four hundred years. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Behind every great fortune there is a crime. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) In mathematics you don't understand things. You just get used to them. --- Johann von Neumann (1903 - 1957) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A child was watching his mother sift through and delete a long list of junk E-mail on the computer screen. "This reminds me of the Lord's Prayer," the child said. "What do you mean?" "You know. That part about 'deliver us from E-mail.' " _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Elena Karneeva _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ >From Mickey My boyfriend and I met online and we'd been dating for over a year. I introduced Hans to my uncle, who was fascinated by the fact that we me over the Internet. He asked Hans what kind of line he had used to pick me up. Ever the geek, Hans naively replied," I just used a regular 20 Mbps DSL modem." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sarah Freeman, 34, Port Orange Florida Florida woman tries to abduct kids from park, punches pregnant woman A 34-year-old Port Orange woman on Monday afternoon tried to abduct two children from a park in the Wilbur-By-The-Sea neighborhood before punching a pregnant woman, the Volusia County Sheriff's Office said. Deputies said they were called shortly before 1:30 p.m. to Toronita Avenue Beach Park at Toronita and South Atlantic avenues after two parents reported they had to pull their children away from Sarah Freeman, Sheriff's Office spokesman Andrew Gant said. Investigators said Freeman approached a 7-year-old girl, told her, "This isn’t a Florida trip you’re going to want to remember," and tried to grab her by the towel she was wearing. The girl's mother, who is six months pregnant, pulled her daughter away from Freeman, who hit the woman during the struggle, deputies said. Investigators said Freeman approached a man whose backside she struck with a stick before saying, "We don’t know you around here." "She told his 5-year-old son, 'It will be all right. He's not your dad,' grabbed him by the arm and started to walk away," Gant said. "The father intervened, got his son back and took him back to his truck, where Freeman tried to force her way in through a passenger window." Deputies said Freeman turned to another woman and said, "I'll just take your kid, then." The woman took her child into their vehicle and locked the doors, investigators said. "Once in custody, she mumbled and made unintelligible statements to a deputy, who noticed she appeared to be under the influence of some unknown substance," Gant said. Freeman was booked into the Volusia County Branch Jail on two counts of attempted kidnapping and one count each of aggravated battery on a pregnant victim, burglary of a conveyance and battery. She is being held without bail.
Tech Support Pits From: Britta Re: More on Soft focus for picture Dear Webby Did somebody rudely interrupt you as you were explaining how to make a sharp spot in a soft focus picture? What is the next step? Britta Dear Britta If somebody did, I would never tell on her '-) Select the relevant part with the lassoo or any selecting tool, Th0en the next step is to play and experiment. Do you want the irrelevant parts of that machine, or whatever you are describing, to be shaded, as if only the relevant part was in the sun ? Then reduce brightness. Do you want a light mist over the irrelevant parts? Then increase brightness and reduce contrast. Just play and experiment until yuo have the results that you want. Then stick with that setting. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A lady lost her handbag at the mall. found it and returned it to her. Looking in her purse, she said, "Hmm, that's funny. When I lost my bag, there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." replied, "That IS funny. The last time I found a lady's purse, she didn't have any change for a reward."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A voice on the bank loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact the main office." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Loading a Moving Truck If you rent a moving truck, these tips may be helpful to consider as you load it. Make sure to stack breakable items towards the top and put the items that you want to get to first in the truck last. Load items as tightly as possible to prevent boxes from shifting while driving. If you have any large furniture or appliances that may have a tendency to tip or slide when driving up or a down a hill, make sure to tie them to the wall. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Inside the deserted mansions of an American heiress.
___________________________________________________ >Thanks to Sarah for this one: (She's not worried that her mother will read his submission. She's not on the net, because she is afraid she might miss a call from her) Phone rings. JEWISH MOTHER picks up the phone and answers) Jewish Mother Hello? Daughter Hi Mom. Can I leave the kids with you tonight? Jewish Mother You're going out? Daughter Yes. Jewish Mother With whom? Daughter With a friend. Jewish Mother I don't know why you left your husband. He is such a good man. Daughter I didn't leave him. He left me! Jewish Mother You let him leave you, and now you go out with anybodies and nobodies. Daughter I do not go out with anybody. Can I bring over the kids? Jewish Mother I never left you to go out with anybody except your father. Daughter There are lots of things that you did and I don't. Jewish Mother What are you hinting at? Daughter Nothing. I just want to know if I can bring the kids over tonight. Jewish Mother You're going to stay the night with him? What will your husband say if he finds out? Daughter My EX husband. I don't think he would be bothered. From the day he left me, he probably never slept alone! Jewish Mother So you're going to sleep over at this loser's place? Daughter He's not a loser. Jewish Mother A man who goes out with a divorced woman with children is a loser and a parasite. Daughter I don't want to argue. Should I bring over the kids or not? Jewish Mother Poor children with such a mother. Daughter Such a what? Jewish Mother With no stability. No wonder your husband left you. Daughter ENOUGH !!! Jewish Mother Don't scream at me. You probably scream at this loser too! Daughter Now you're worried about the loser? Jewish Mother Ah, so you see he's a loser. I spotted him immediately. Daughter Goodbye, mother. Jewish Mother Wait! Don't hang up! When are you bringing them over? Daughter I'm not bringing them over! I'm not going out! Jewish Mother If you never go out, how do you expect to meet anyone? ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man went to the doctor complaining of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination, found absolutely nothing physically wrong with him, and then told him, "Listen, if you ever expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you." "I know," said the man, "but I can't. She will divorce me if I don't. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 4 in
1776 The amended Declaration of Independence, prepared by Thomas
Jefferson, was approved and signed by John Hancock, the President
of the Continental Congress in America. 

1802 The U.S. Military Academy officially opened at West Point, NY.

1803 The Louisiana Purchase was announced in newspapers. The
property was purchased, by the U.S. from France, was for $15
million (or 3 cents an acre). The "Corps of Discovery," led by
Meriwether Lewis and William Clark, began the exploration of the
territory on May 14, 1804. 

1817 Construction began on the Erie Canal, to connect Lake Erie and
the Hudson River. 

1845 American writer Henry David Thoreau began his two-year
experiment in simple living at Walden Pond, near Concord, MA. 

1848 In Washington, DC, the cornerstone for the Washington Monument
was laid. 

1863 The Confederate town of Vicksburg, MS, surrendered to General
Ulysses S. Grant. 

1884 Bullfighting was introduced in the U.S. in Dodge City, KS. 

1886 The first rodeo in America was held at Prescott, AZ. 

1892 The first double-decked street car service was inaugurated in
San Diego, CA. 

1894 After seizing power, Judge Stanford B. Dole declared Hawaii a

1901 William H. Taft became the American governor of the

1910 Race riots broke out all over the United States after African-
American Jack Johnson knocked out Jim Jeffries in a heavyweight
boxing match. 

1934 Boxer Joe Louis won his first professional fight. 

1934 At Mount Rushmore, George Washington's face was dedicated. 

1946 The Philippines achieved full independence for the first time
in over four hundred years. 

1955 The first king cobra snakes born in captivity in the U.S.
hatched at the Bronx Zoo in New York City. 

1957 The U.S. Postal Service issued the 4¢ Flag stamp. 

1959 The 49-star U.S. flag became official. 

1960 The 50-star U.S. flag made its debut in Philadelphia, PA. 

1966 U.S. President Johnson signed the Freedom of Information Act,
which went into effect the following year. 

1976 The U.S. celebrated its Bicentennial. 

1982 The Soviets performed a nuclear test at Eastern Kazakhl

1987 Klaus Barbie, the former Gestapo chief known as the "Butcher
of Lyon," was convicted by a French court of crimes against
humanity and sentenced to life in prison. 

1997 The Mars Pathfinder, an unmanned spacecraft, landed on Mars. A
rover named Sojourner was deployed to gather data about the
of the planet. 

1997 Ferry service between Manhattan and Staten Island was made
free of charge. Previously, the charge had ranged from 5 cents to
50 cents. 

2004 In New York, the cornerstone of the Freedom Tower (One World
Trade Center) was laid on the former World Trade Center site. 

2005 NASA's Deep Impact spacecraft took pictures as a space probe
smashed into the Tempel 1 comet. The mission was aimed at learning
more about comets that formed from the leftover buidling blocks of
the solar system. The Deep Impact mission launched on January 12,

2009 North Korea launched seven ballistic missiles into waters off
its east coast that defied U.N. resolutions. 

2009 The Statue of Liberty's crown reopened to visitors. It had
been closed to the public since 2001. 

2018  smiled.

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Autoresponder nuisance 


Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  July 3

The people in the US, who are still loyal subjects to the
Imperial British measurement system, and have not yet
gotten permission from the Queen to upgrade to metric,
will have to wait another day for their Independence

So it's my day to razz you about your quaint
BTU (British Thermal Unit), Fahrenheit, Feet, Cubits, 
Yards, Furlongs, heaped and struck bushels, and all the
neat stuff we read about in the old fairy tales and history

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman sentenced for hiding 
handcuff key in chicken sandwich
Today, July 3 in
1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first heard
on CBS radio. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After she woke up, a woman told her husband, "I just dreamed that you gave me a pearl necklace for our anniversary. What do you think it means?" "You'll know tonight." he said. That evening, the man came home with a small package and gave it to his wife. Delighted, she opened it to find a book entitled "The Meaning of Dreams." The husband had to visit the hospital after that. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Earth July 2 _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ KNOW YOUR STATE MOTTO.. Alabama Hell Yeah, We Have Electricity. Alaska 11,623 Eskimos Can't Be Wrong! Arizona Yeah, But It's A Dry Heat. Arkansas Lituracy Ain't Everythang. California By 30, Our Women Have More Plastic Than Your Honda. Colorado If You Don't Ski, Don't Bother. Connecticut Like Massachusetts , only smaller Delaware We Really Do Like The Chemicals In Our Water. Florida Ask Us About Our Grandkids And Our Voting Skills. Georgia We Put The Fun In Fundamentalist Extremism. Hawaii Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, Leave Your Money) Idaho More Than Just Potatoes... Well, Okay, We're Not, But The Potatoes Sure Are Real Good Illinois Please, Don't Pronounce the "S" Indiana 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free Iowa We Do Amazing Things With Corn Kansas First Of The Rectangle States Kentucky Five Million People; Fifteen Last Names Louisiana We're Not ALL Drunk Cajun Wackos, But That's Our Tourism Campaign. Maine We're Really Cold, But We Have Cheap Lobster Maryland If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It Massachusetts Our Taxes Are Lower Than Sweden 's And Our Senators Are More Corrupt! Michigan First Line Of Defense Against The Canadians Minnesota 10,000 Lakes... And 10 Zillion Mosquitoes Mississippi Come visit And Feel Better About Your Own State Missouri Your Federal Flood Relief Tax Dollars At Work Montana Land Of The Big Sky, The Unabomber, Right-wing Crazies, and Honest Elections! Nebraska Ask About Our State Motto Contest Nevada Hookers and Poker! New Hampshire Go Away And Leave Us Alone New Jersey You Want A ##$%##! Motto? I Got Your ##$%##! Motto Right here! New Mexico Lizards Make Excellent Pets New York You Have The Right To Remain Silent, You Have The Right To An Attorney... And No Right To Self Defense! North Carolina Tobacco Is A Vegetable North Dakota We Really Are One Of The 50 States! Ohio At Least We're Not Michigan Oklahoma Like The Play, But No Singing Oregon Spotted Owl.. It's What's For Dinner Pennsylvania Cook With Coal Rhode Island We're Not REALLY An Island South Carolina Remember The Civil War? Well, We Didn't Actually Surrender Yet South Dakota Closer Than North Dakota Tennessee Home of the Al Gore Invention Museum Texas Se Hable Ingles Utah Our Jesus Is Better Than Your Jesus Vermont Too liberal for the Kennedy's Virginia Who Says Government Stiffs And Slackjawed Yokels Don't Mix? Washington Our Governor can out-fraud your Governor! West Virginia One Big Happy Family...Really! Wisconsin Come Cut the Cheese! Wyoming Where Men Are Men... And The Sheep Are Scared Home of Brokeback Mtn. The District of Columbia The Work-Free Drug Place ! BC Like California but more rain ALBERTA Where your natural gas comes from SASKATCHEWAN We got grain elevators taller than our mountains MANITOBA Hundreds of lakes and gazillions of mosquitos ONTARIO Center of the universe QUEBEC Everybody assumes you are an asshole, but racism is socially bacceptable NEW BRUNSWICK You are sandwiched between French assholes and drunken Celtic fiddlers NOVA SCOTIA Everyone is a fiddle player PRINCE EDWARD ISLAND You can drive across the the province in two minutes NEWFOUNDLAND Reason for the Newfie jokes YUKON TERRITORY Gold, fish and beer. And Midnight Sun. NORTHWEST TERRITORY Big ass diamond mine and a Million lakes NUNAVUT No scenery but lots of photogenic Polar bears ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Trisha Denlinger, 48, Baldwin, Florida Florida woman sentenced for hiding handcuff key in chicken sandwich The Baldwin woman accused of concealing a plastic handcuff key in a chicken sandwich at Florida State Prison has now been sentenced to 30 months in prison. WOKV told you back in April that 48-year-old Trisha Denlinger had been arrested. She has now pleaded “nolo contendere” in Bradford County to unlawful possession of a handcuff key and conveying tools to aid escape and been sentenced to 30 months, with credit for 60 days time served. Denlinger arranged to visit her husband at Florida State Prison, where he was an inmate, according to her arrest affidavit. Records say she purchased a sealed chicken sandwich, unsealed it, heated it in a microwave, and then gave it to a Correctional Officer to search. Investigators say the Officer found a plastic handcuff key in that sandwich. The arrest affidavit says Denlinger went through three prison fences, four gates, and a metal detector. Her person items had gone through an X-ray scanner, per the Florida Department of Corrections.
Tech Support Pits From Susan RE: Auto responders Dear Webby Hi there, your daily letter is not only funny but invariably useful tech-wise! As always, many thanks (and a question, of course)! Is there an auto-responder software that you recommend? I only want it for the two months this summer when we will be out of the country and away from e-mail (yay). Thanks, Susan Dear Susan Autoresponders are a nuisance and will get you blocked. Since your friends seem to be more or less literate, send them an email telling them that you will be off-line till fall. Send the email to yourself, and put the entire address book into the BCC. Half of them will forget in two minutes and mail you anyway, but will rememeber when there is no speedy reply. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Out canvassing for a charity, my friend Irene and I knocked at a door. It was opened by a huge bear of a man, who was wearing a large black bra, over his shirt. Irene, being a devout Catholic, crossed herself, backed up ready to make a fast retreat. I asked politely for a donation, trying to keep my eyes from wandering to his protruding undergarment. He grinned evilly at me, "Wanna feel em?" Horrified, I turned to leave, when one side of his bra came alive with motion. Irene was now crossing herself with a flurry, muttering, "Jaysus, Mary and Murphy." She was begging the saints to protect her, when a tiny tail flipped out of his bra. "Oh my sweet Lord," she squealed, "He's got rats in his boobs," bolted for the car, offering up 'Hail Mary's.' as she tore off the porch. An old lady came out of the house, glared at the man, who just grinned back. He put his hands up to cradle both cups, which were now writhing with movement. She turned to me asking, "Did he ask you to play with them?" "Yes", I gulped. "Well," she said, patting my hand, " He's not too bright, but it's not what you think." She ordered him to pull his bra out so I could peek inside. Hesitantly I watched, while he pulled the garment down. When I got a good look I burst out laughing. Tiny muzzles with whiskers, long sinuous bodies, small heads with bright beady eyes, stared back at me. "Their mama died," he explained, " This bra is the perfect place to keep them warm." Both cups were filled to the brim with tiny baby ferrets.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Ed was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was really angry. She told him "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 250 in less then 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE!" The next morning Ed got up early and left for work. When his wife woke up she looked out the window and sure enough there was a gift-wrapped box in the middle of the driveway. Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought the box back in the house. She opened it and found a brand new heavy duty bathroom scale. Ed has been missing since Friday. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Birdbath Use two large stackable plastic bowls. Nail one of them onto a fence post, and set the other one into it. That way it will be held securely in any wind, but is easy to remove for cleaning or filling. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Daguerreotypes of anonymous African Americans.
___________________________________________________ The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "He's talking to his wife," the secretary replied. "Right now I'd say he's sheepish." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A newspaper reporter for the Los Angeles Times had received instructions from his senior editor to get photographs of a brush fire in the foothills of northern California. The instructions included hurrying to the Santa Monica Airport to board a small plane, taking some photos of the fire, and hurrying back by noon with the story. The reporter dressed quickly, rushed to the airport, saw the small plane waiting on the runway, drove his car to the end of the runway, parked, and climbed on board. Off they flew into the clear blue skies. At about 5,000 feet, the reporter took out his camera and said to the man flying the plane, "Bank right and I'll take some pictures of this fire." Then he heard the most frightening questions of his life, "Bank right? How do I do that? You ARE the instructor, aren't you?" ____________________________________________________

Today, July 3 in
1608 The city of Quebec was founded by Samuel de Champlain. 

1844 Ambassador Caleb Cushing successfully negotiated a commercial
treaty with China that opened five Chinese ports to U.S. merchants
and protected the rights of American citizens in China. 

1863 The U.S. Civil War Battle of Gettysburg, PA, ended after three
days. It was a major victory for the North as Confederate troops

1871 The Denver and Rio Grande Western Railroad Company introduced
the first narrow-gauge locomotive. It was called the "Montezuma." 

1878 John Wise flew the first dirigible in Lancaster, PA. 

1898 During the Spanish American War, a fleet of Spanish ships in
Cuba's Santiago Harbor attempted to run a blockade of U.S. naval
forces. Nearly all of the Spanish ships were destroyed in the
battle that followed. 

1903 The first cable across the Pacific Ocean was spliced between
Honolulu, Midway, Guam and Manila. 

1930 The U.S. Congress created the U.S. Veterans Administration. 

1937 Del Mar race track opened in Del Mar, CA. 

1939 Chic Young’s comic strip character, "Blondie" was first heard
on CBS radio. 

1940 Bud Abbott and Lou Costello debuted on NBC radio. 

1944 The U.S. First Army opened a general offensive to break out of
the hedgerow area of Normandy, France. 

1944 During World War II, Soviet forces recaptured Minsk. 

1945 U.S. troops landed at Balikpapan and take Sepinggan airfield
on Borneo in the Pacific. 

1945 The first civilian passenger car built since February 1942 was
driven off the assembly line at the Ford Motor Company plant in
Detroit, MI. Production had been diverted due to World War II. 

1950 U.S. carrier-based planes attacked airfields in the Pyongyang-
Chinnampo area of North Korea in the first air-strike of the Korean

1954 Food rationing ended in Great Britain almost nine years after
the end of World War II. 

1974 The Threshold Test Ban Treaty was signed, prohibiting
underground nuclear weapons tests with yields greater than 150

1981 The Associated Press ran its first story about two rare
illnesses afflicting homosexual men. One of the diseases was later
named AIDS. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan presided over a ceremony in New York
Harbor that saw the relighting of the renovated Statue of Liberty. 

1986 Mikhail Baryshnikov became a U.S. citizen at Ellis Island, New
York Harbor. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush formally inaugurated the Mount
Rushmore National Memorial in South Dakota. 

2018  smiled.

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Preparing computer for trip to Europe 


Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  July 2

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Blue Martini employees call police after 
Rolex robber returns to business
Today, July 2 in
1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade
airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather
balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Why do you have to be a nonconformist like everybody else? --- James Thurber (1894 - 1961) The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa (1940 - 1993) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Morris for this story: One day, while driving with my then 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream 'F@#$%&g A********!' after beeping!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ These were actual hospital patient reports...enjoy! 1. The patient refused autopsy. 2. The patient has no previous history of suicides. 3. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital. 4. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night. 5. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year. 6. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared. 7. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed. 8. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993. 9. Discharge status: Alive but without permission. 10. Healthy appearing decrepit 69-year old male, mentally alert but forgetful. 11. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch. 12. She is numb from her toes down. 13. While in ER, she was examined, x-rated and sent home. 14. The skin was moist and dry. 15. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches. 16. Patient was alert and unresponsive. 17. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid. 18. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce. 19. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy. 20. Both breasts are equal and reactive to light and accommodation. 21. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized. 22. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function. 23. Skin: somewhat pale but present. 24. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor. 25. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kira White, 23, Miami, Florida Blue Martini employees call police after Rolex robber returns to business A 23-year-old woman was arrested early Friday, nearly two weeks after she stole $65,000 in jewelry from a man she met at the Blue Martini bar at The Shops at Mary Brickell Village, authorities said. According to an arrest report, the victim, Israel Sosa, met Kira White while standing near the VIP section of the bar around 1 a.m. June 16. Police said they interviewed several employees, one of whom said they served White and the victim several bottles. The employee noticed White would not drink from the glasses and would just push the glass aside, the arrest report stated. Police said White and Sosa left the bar as it was closing and the victim told White he was going to his hotel and that he would pay a driver to take her back home. But White told him she wanted to hang out for a little longer, so she accompanied Sosa back to his hotel, authorities said. Surveillance video from the hotel shows Sosa walking into an elevator with the woman. Sosa, who is from New Jersey, told Local 10 News reporter Nicole Perez via Facetime that he didn't realize White, whose name he thought was Meghan, had already stolen his gold chain. Police said the two had another drink in the hotel room and Sosa left his drink unattended as he used the restroom. Sosa told authorities he woke up several hours later and discovered that White had left, taking with her his $30,000 Cuban-link gold chain and his $30,000 Rolex watch, which had a $5,000 medallion on it. The victim said she also took $5,000 in $100 bills that were inside his wallet. "I ran downstairs and told the front desk at the hotel," Sosa said. "They were, like, dumbfounded, and I was like, 'We need to call the police. This lady just took my belongings.'" Surveillance video from the hotel shows a woman, believed to be White, coming out of the elevator alone and rummaging through what appears to be a bag before she pulls out a towel. Sosa told Local 10 News that he had left his diamond Rolex on top of a towel inside his hotel room. "She gave me another drink. The last thing I recall, she said, 'I'm going to use the restroom.' And then I walked up- there was a watch I had- my diamond watch on top of a towel. And when I jumped up around 7:30, I realized the towel was gone with the watch," Sosa said. A Blue Martini employee told Local 10 News that a member of the nightclub's security team spotted White walking on the street below the business early Friday and notified authorities. White was arrested on a grand theft charge.
Tech Support Pits From: Richard Re: Computer for Europe Dear Webby I have to go to Europe for six month. Can my computer be adapted to work over there, or would it be better to buy one there? I also have an Iomega remote hard drive. Does that one work there? Thanks Richard Dear Richard Yes, they all work just fine in Europe. Take along the power bar that you use now, but cut the plug off. When you get there, go to the nearest hardware store or supermarket and buy a regular plug. Each country there has a different plug, and some countries have different ones in different regions. All that talk about a united and standardized Europe is just BS. The only thing they all have in common is a dislike for Americans, and usually also a fair bit of envy. Get their local plug and attach it to the power bar cord. Computers and Laptop chargers are all rated 100-250 Volt. So, don't worry about the voltage. The Iomega remote hard drive doesn't care what voltage you power it with. It adapts automatically for anything between 100 and 240. The newer remote hard drives are powered by their USB connection and don't even have a separate power supply. You COULD get an adapter for the area that you go to, but they cost 8 - 10 times more than an ordinary power plug, plus shipping. If you are concerned about the remote hard drive causing problems at airport security, you can just get a few 64 GB camera chips and put your important files onto those. They are considerably lighter when carrying your carry-on through a few miles of hard airport corridors. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it?" a passenger asks the captain. "I've no idea. Every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
When her late husband's will was read, a widow learned he had left the bulk of his fortune to another woman. Enraged, she rushed to change the inscription on her spouse's tombstone. "Sorry, lady," said the stonecutter. "I inscribed 'Rest in Peace' on your orders. I can't change it now." "Very well," she said grimly. "Just add, `Until We Meet Again.' " ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Buy a Programmable Thermostat A programmable thermostat can save you 10% annually on your heating and cooling costs. They are easy to install and can be purchased at any hardware or home improvement store for about $30 to $50. That way you aren't heating or cooling the house when no one is home. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
This guy combines animals in Photoshop and now I don’t know what’s real.
___________________________________________________ In Bill Gates' book (Business @ The Speed of Thought), he lays out 11 rules that students do not learn in high school or college. He argues that our feel good, politically correct teachings have created a generation of kids with no concept of reality who are set up for failure in the real world. RULE 1 - Life is not fair; get used to it. RULE 2 - The world won't care about your self-esteem. The world will expect you to accomplish something BEFORE you feel good about yourself. RULE 3 - You will NOT make 40 thousand dollars a year right out of high school. You won't be a vice president with a car phone, until you earn both. RULE 4 - If you think your teacher is tough, wait till you get a boss. He doesn't have tenure. RULE 5 - Flipping burgers is not beneath your dignity. Your grandparents had a different word for burger flipping; they called it opportunity. RULE 6 - If you mess up, it's not your parents' fault, so don't whine about your mistakes, learn from them. RULE 7 - Before you were born, your parents weren't as boring as they are now. They got that way from paying your bills, cleaning your clothes and listening to you talk about how cool you are. So before you save the rain forest from the parasites of your parents' generation, try "delousing" the closet in your own room. RULE 8 - Your school may have done away with winners and losers, but life has not. In some schools they have abolished failing grades; they'll give you as many times as you want to get the right answer. This doesn't bear the slightest resemblance to ANYTHING in real life. RULE 9 - Life is not divided into semesters. You don't get summers off and very few employers are interested in helping you find yourself. Do that on your own time. RULE 10 - Television is NOT real life. In real life people actually have to leave the coffee shop and go to jobs. RULE 11 - Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husband and wife are on the 9th green when suddenly she collapses from a heart attack! 'Help me dear,' she groans to her husband. The husband dials 911 on his cell phone, talks for a few minutes, picks up his putter, and lines up his putt. His wife raises her head off the green and stares at him. 'I'm dying over here and you're putting?' 'Don't worry dear', says the husband calmly. 'they found a doctor on the second hole and he's coming to help you'. 'Well how long will it take for him to get here', she asks feebly?! 'No time at all', says her husband, practicing his putting stroke. Everybody's already agreed to let him play through'! ____________________________________________________

Today, July 2 in
1298 An army under Albert of Austria defeated and killed Adolf of
Nassua near Worms, Germany. 

1625 The Spanish army took Breda, Spain, after nearly a year of

1644 Lord Cromwell crushed the Royalists at the Battle of Marston
Moor near York, England. 

1747 Marshall Saxe led the French forces to victory over an Anglo-
Dutch force under the Duke of Cumberland at the Battle of Lauffeld.

1776 Richard Henry Lee’s resolution that the American colonies
"are, and of right ought to be, free and independent States" was
adopted by the Continental Congress. 

1850 Prussia agreed to pull out of Schlewig and Holstein, Germany. 

1850 Benjamin Lane patented a gas mask with a breathing apparatus.
(Patent US7476 A) 

1857 New York City’s first elevated railroad officially opened for

1858 Czar Alexander II freed the serfs working on imperial lands. 

1881 Charles J. Guiteau fatally wounded U.S. President James A.
Garfield in Washington, DC. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the Sherman Antitrust Act. 

1926 The U.S. Congress established the Army Air Corps. 

1937 American aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart disappeared in the
Central Pacific during an attempt to fly around the world at the

1939 At Mount Rushmore, Theodore Roosevelt's face was dedicated. 

1944 American bombers, as part of Operation Gardening, dropped land
mines, leaflets and bombs on German-occupied Budapest. 

1947 An object crashed near Roswell, NM. The U.S. Army Air Force
insisted it was a weather balloon, but eyewitness accounts led to
speculation that it might have been an alien spacecraft. 

1962 Wal-Mart Discount City opened in Rogers, Arkansas. It was the
first Walmart store. 

1964 U.S. President Johnson signed the "Civil Rights Act of 1964"
into law. The act made it illegal in the U.S. to discriminate
against others because of their race. 

1967 The U.S. Marine Corps launched Operation Buffalo in response
to the North Vietnamese Army's efforts to seize the Marine base at
Con Thien. 

1976 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled the death penalty was not
inherently cruel or unusual. 

1976 North Vietnam and South Vietnam were reunited. 

1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter reinstated draft registration for
males 18 years of age. 

1981 Soyuz T-6 returned to Earth. 

1982 Larry Walters ("Lawnchair Larry") took flight in his homeade
airship that consisted of a lawnchair with 45 helium-filled weather
balloons attached to it. He stayed in flight for about an hour. 

1985 General Motors announced that it was installing electronic
road maps as an option in some of its higher-priced cars. 

1995 "Forbes" magazine reported that Microsoft's chairman, Bill
Gates, was worth $12.9 billion, making him the world's richest man.

1998 Cable News Network (CNN) retracted a story that alleged that
U.S. commandos had used nerve gas to kill American defectors during
the Vietnam War. 

2000 In Mexico, Vicente Fox Quesada of the National Action Party
(PAN) defeated Francisco Labastida Ochoa of the Institutional
Revolutionary Party (PRI) in the presidential election. The PRI had
controlled the presidency in Mexico since the party was founded in

2018  smiled.

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Computer recommendation 


Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  July 1
Happy Canada Day!

Because Hagar and his crew settled in Newfoundland 300 years
before Columbus, Canada Day is 3 days before the American July 4

The name Canada dates to Jacques Cartier's second voyage (1535-
1536), when he transcribed the Huron-Iroquoian word, Kanata,
meaning  settlement.  By the mid-1500s, Canada was already
appearing on European maps of North America as the area north of
the St. Lawrence River.

Just like on July 4, huge quantities of beer get consumed.
Here is the site of Molson Canadian

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Britain's most prolific criminal, 62, 
back behind bars for his 668th offence
Today, July 1 in
1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Most men are within a finger's breadth of being mad. --- Diogenes the Cynic (412 BC - 323 BC) Happiness doesn't depend upon who you are or what you have; it depends solely on what you think. --- Dale Carnegie ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ These ads could have benefitted from a bit of proof-reading! Dinner Special -- Turkey $2.35; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, and you'll never go anywhere again. Illiterate? Write today for free help. Great Dames for sale. Mt. Kilimanjaro, the breathtaking backdrop for the Serena Lodge. Swim in the lovely pool while you drink it all in. Get rid of aunts: Zap does the job in 24 hours. Stock up and save. Limit: one. Save regularly in our bank. You'll never reget it. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated? Come here first! Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. 3-year-old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included. Mother's helper--peasant working conditions. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale. And now, the Superstore--unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A nun is sitting with her Mother Superior chatting. "I used some horrible language this week and feel absolutely terrible about it." "When did you use this awful language?" asks the elder. "Well, I was golfing and hit an incredible drive that looked like it was going to go over 280 yards, but it struck a phone line that is hanging over the fairway and fell straight down to the ground after going only about 100 yards." "Is that when you swore?" "No, Mother," says the nun. "After that, a squirrel ran out of the bushes and grabbed my ball in its mouth and began to run away." "Is that when you swore?" asks the Mother Superior again. "Well, no." says the nun. "You see, as the squirrel was running, an eagle came down out of the sky, grabbed the squirrel in his talons and began to fly away!" "Is THAT when you swore?" asks the amazed elder nun. "No, not yet. As the eagle carried the squirrel away in its claws, it flew near the green and the squirrel dropped my ball." "Did you swear THEN?" asked Mother Superior, becoming impatient. "No, because the ball fell on a big rock, bounced over the sand trap, rolled onto the green, and stopped about six inches from the hole." The two nuns were silent for a moment. Then Mother Superior sighed and said, "You missed the @#$%^& putt, didn't you?" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Schletter, 35, Duval County, Florida Britain's most prolific criminal, 62, back behind bars for his 668th offence Patrick Ryan, 62, Accrington, Lancashire, England Patrick Ryan, 62, has run up a staggering 469 convictions for a total of 668 offences, costing UK taxpayers a staggering £3 million to take to court. His criminal record runs to 100 pages and is so long a police force once put a note on it warning workers not to print it out as it would waste too much paper. This week at Preston Crown Court a probation officer referred to Ryan's 'sheer number' of convictions and admitted he had 'never seen a record like it'. Judge Andrew Jefferies QC jailed him for 18 months after hearing how he exposed himself to a bus-load of appalled passengers, groped one and urinated. The judge told him: 'You're 62 and you expose yourself and urinate on a bus.. 'You're drunk and stumbling and grope a woman. No one should have to be groped by a drunk man. 'You then go on another bus and because of the effect of the drink, you urinate again. 'Set against that record, I have no hesitation in sentencing you to 18 months in prison. 'You will serve half of that sentence and will be released on licence and supervision after that. 'During the period of licence and supervision, this would be be a good time to look at your mental health and drinking problem.'
Tech Support Pits From: Stormy Re: Computer recommendation Dear Webby I'm giving my Toshiba lap top to my son. What would 'you' recommend for someone who loves to download everything, save up "stuff' and writes? Any help here would be appreciated! The computer store here says they can build one for me, keeping in mind what I want it for. They start at about $1,1000. I am on a diet concerning income, so have to be really sure of what I buy. Thanks, have a super day, stormy Dear Stormy I have heard about the computer stores in your town. Forget them. Go to the next big town, that has a Staples, or shop online. You don't need a high performance machine for bragging on the school bus. The cheapest laptop will be overkill. Staples sometimes have dusty big screen laptops really cheap. I got an Acer Aspire with a 17" screen there for around $300 about 7 years ago, because all the Yuppies want small ones to take into Starbucks, and the huge 17" laptop just gathered dust. It has been my work machine ever since. Don't worry about the disk size. IF and when you run out of space, you can get a USB connected external 2 TeraByte drive, that will become an heirloom. You will never fill that. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. My wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Kentucky An excerpt from brilliant Kentucky state legislation. "No female shall appear in a bathing suit on any highway within this state unless she be escorted by at least two officers or unless she be armed with a club." The following important amendment however is to be considered here: "The provisions of this statute shall not apply to females weighing less than 90 pounds nor exceeding 200 pounds, nor shall it apply to male horses." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keeping Animals Out of Trash A bungie cord securing the lid should prevent trash from spilling out if an animal tips it over. As a deterrent, fill a spray bottle with ammonia and spray the outside of the can every few days. This will keep animals away. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
___________________________________________________ What women say and what they mean: FINE: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. NEVER use fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is a half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so I feel that it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means something and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine." GO AHEAD (with normal eyebrows): This means "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care." You will get a raise! d eyebrow "Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing." SOFT SIGH: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman can say to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow "Go Ahead." At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO: This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, ! so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay." THANKS: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT: This is much different from "THANKS." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be care not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Oh Nothing." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paperwork left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our trash paper on our desks every night. In a week, the boss had an office full of trash, nobody filled out a retrieval form, and we never heard about the policy again. ____________________________________________________

Today, July 1 in
0096 Vespasian, a Roman Army leader, was hailed as a Roman Emperor
by the Egyptian legions. 

1543 England and Scotland signed the peace of Greenwich. 

1596 An English fleet under the Earl of Essex, Lord Howard of
Effingham and Francis Vere captured and sacked Cadiz, Spain. 

1690 The French defeated the forces of the Grand Alliance at
Fleurus in the Netherlands. 

1798 Napoleon Bonaparte took Alexandria, Egypt. 

1845 Uniform postal rates went into effect throughout the United
States. The Act of Congress was passed on March 3, 1845. 

1847 In New York City, the U.S. Post Office issued its first
adhesive stamps. The two stamps available were a 5-cent Benjamin
Franklin and a 10-cent George Washington. 

1862 The U.S. Congress established the Bureau of Internal Revenue. 

1863 During the U.S. Civil War, the first day's fighting at
Gettysburg began. 

1867 Canada became an independent dominion. 

1874 The Philadelphia Zoological Society zoo opened as the first
zoo in the United States. 

1876 Montenegro declared war on the Turks. 

1893 The first bicycle race track in America to be made out of wood
was opened in San Francisco, CA. 

1898 During the Spanish-American War, Theodore Roosevelt and his
"Rough Riders" waged a victorious assault on San Juan Hill in Cuba.

1905 The USDA Forest Service was created within the Department of
Agriculture. The agency was given the mission to sustain healthy,
diverse, and productive forests and grasslands for present and
future generations. 

1909 Thomas Edison began commercially manufacturing his new "A"
type alkaline storage batteries. 

1916 The massive Allied offensive known as the Battle of the Somme
began in France. The battle was the first to use tanks. 

1940 In Washington, the Tacoma Narrows Bridge was opened to
traffic. The bridge collapsed during a wind storm on November 7,

1941 Bulova Watch Company sponsored the first TV commercial in New
York City, NY. 

1942 German troops captured Sevestpol, Crimea, in the Soviet Union.

1943 The U.S. Government began automatically withholding federal
income tax from paychecks. 

1945 New York established the New York State Commission Against
Discrimination to prevent discrimination in employment because of
race, creed or natural origin. It was the first such agency in the

1946 U.S. President Harry Truman signed Public Law 476 that
incorporated the Civil Air Patrol as a benevolent, nonprofit
organization. The Civil Air Patrol was created on December 1, 1941.

1946 The U.S. exploded a 20-kiloton atomic bomb near Bikini Atoll
in the Pacific Ocean. 

1948 The price of a subway ride in New York City was increased from
5 cents to 10. 

1950 American ground troops arrived in South Korea to stem the tide
of the advancing North Korean army. 

1960 Somalia gained its independence from Britain through the
unification of Somaliland with Italian Somalia. 

1961 British troops landed in Kuwait to aid against Iraqi threats. 

1961 The first community air-raid shelter was built. The shelter in
Boise, ID had a capacity of 1,000 people and family memberships
sold for $100. 

1963 The U.S. postmaster introduced the five-digit ZIP (Zoning
Improvement Plan) code. 

1966 The Medicare federal insurance program went into effect. 

1968 The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was signed by 60
countries. It limited the spreading of nuclear material for
military purposes. On May 11, 1995, the treaty was extended

1969 Britain's Prince Charles was invested as the Prince of Wales. 

1974 Isavel Peron became the president of Argentina upon the death
of her husband, Juan. 

1979 Sony introduced the Walkman. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that candidates for federal
office had an "affirmative right" to go on national television. 

1987 John Kevin Hill, at age 11, became the youngest to fly across
the U.S. when he landed at National Airport in Washington, DC. 

1989 The Montreal Protocol, an international treaty, went into
effect. It limited the production of ozone-destroying chemicals. 

1991 The Warsaw Pact dissolved. 

1994 Yasser Arafat of the Palestinian Liberation Organization
visited the Gaza Strip. 

1997 The sovereignty over Hong Kong was transferred from Great
Britain to China. Britain had controlled Hong Kong as a colony for
156 years. 

1999 The U.S. Justice Department released new regulations that
granted the attorney general sole power to appoint and oversee
special counsels. The 1978 independent-counsel statute expired on
June 30. 

2003 In Hong Kong, thousands of protesters marched to show their
opposition to anti-subversion legislation. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 30

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Dean arrested for exposing pecker, 
DUI, resisting arrest
Today, June 30 in
1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line 
in Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a street, where the speed is limited to 30 mph the police stop a driver. "Not only have you been driving too fast, you've been passing cars where it is not allowed. Your lights don't work, your tires all completely worn out. This is surely going to cost you a lot. What's your name?" "Schtrathewisizeski Vocgefastilongchinic." "Well, I'll let you go this time but don't do it again." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Nonaco Grand Prix 1962 Street race, with traffic _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ While standing in line at airport security this morning, the ahead of me poked her index finger at an article in the newspaper she was reading and made a rather unflattering comment about the author. I read: "12 ideas to help you keep that resolution to lose weight." After a couple of paragraphs, the article lists things to do. The second of these hints reads: "When cooking yourself, substitute lower-fat ingredients whenever possible...." "HUH?" she then asked, "Am I supposed to hunt down and cook low-fat jogger instead of myself?" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Schletter, 35, Duval County, Florida Florida Dean arrested for exposing pecker, DUI, resisting arrest A local man who works with children was arrested for a DUI and resisting arrest- after a Nassau County deputy found him with his genitals exposed. It happened in Yulee at The Reserve at Amelia apartment complex. Duval County Public Schools employee Michael Schletter was arrested for DUI, exposing sex organs and resisting arrest. Duval County Public Schools employee Michael Schletter was arrested for DUI, exposing sex organs and resisting arrest. a Nassau County Sheriff’s Office incident report that states that earlier this month, Schletter was found passed out in a car that was parked across multiple parking spaces and, when he got out of the car, he “smelled highly of an alcoholic beverage.” When he was found, the report states, the car’s motor was running and the headlights were on. The report also states that Schletter’s genitals were out and he was asked several times to cover himself, but refused. He was then arrested after failing to directly answer questions and follow commands.
Tech Support Pits From: Yolanda Re: Screen Saver is full screen Dear Webby Good morning. I hope and pray you and yours are doing well?! I messed up, I read this mornings email from you regarding screensavers...ughhhh, should have come with warning Don't try this at I did as you had suggested to your reader and now my screen saver is full screen and I can't get it to down size. I know you have the answer and will you be so kind to share with me...and possibly other readers who have the same issue. Thank you for your time and help in regards to my mess up. Have a Blessed day!! Smiles, Yolanda Dear Yolanda You did not mess up. Screen Savers are always full screen. They are supposed to save and protect the entire screen. In the old days, when we had green monitors, if they were left running overnight, every night, with the word processor menu up, it burned in. To prevent that, screen savers were invented in the 80's. With today's monitors, that is not a problem. Today the screen savers are mostly just to hide the games you are playing or confidential client data while you run for coffee or a nap. However, they are still full screen, and no command exists to make them protect less than the entire screen. As soon as you touch the mouse or hit a key on the keyboard, it goes away and patiently waits for the next time it is needed. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A young man hired by a supermarket reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - Let me show you how."
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Repeat by request: Hillbilly Medical Terms... Benign: What you be after you be eight. Bacteria: Door to the cafeteria. Barium: What doctors do when patients die. Cesarean Section: A neighborhood in Rome. Catscan: Searching for Kitty. Cauterize: Made eye contact with her. Colic: A sheep dog. Coma: A punctuation mark. D&C: Where Washington is. Dilate: To live long. Enema: Not a friend. Fester: Quicker than someone else. Fibula: A small lie. G.I. Series: World Series of military baseball. Hangnail: What you hang your coat on. Impotent: Distinguished, well known. Labor Pain: Getting hurt at work. Medical Staff: A Doctor's cane. Morbid: A higher offer than I bid. Nitrates: Cheaper than day rates. Node: I knew it. Outpatient: A person who has fainted. Pap Smear: A fatherhood test. Pelvis: Second cousin to Elvis. Post Operative: A letter carrier. Recovery Room: Place to do upholstery. Rectum: Damn near killed him. Secretion: Hiding something. Seizure: Roman emperor. Tablet: A small table. Terminal Illness: Getting sick at the airport. Tumor: More than one. Urine: Opposite of mine. Varicose: Near by/close by. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Stubborn Locks If you have a stubborn lock, spray it with some graphite lock spray. You can buy it at any hardware store. In a pinch, you can try using some non-stick vegetable oil on both the lock and key. You can also try dipping your key in talcum powder and inserting it in the lock. All of those items will ensure that your locksmith will charge you extra, because they are a pain in the nuisance to clean out off a lock. Actually, I got the term "pain in the nuisance" from Garry, the guy who taught me most of what I know about locksmithing and burglar alarm security. When a lock gets stubborn, it's not from lack of lubrication, but because of dirt causing friction. Adding more stuff, especially stuff that will attract and hold even more dirt, just makes the inevitable cleaning more expensive. One of the few sprays that won't make things worse is Crown Mold Release spray. It has a very thin carrier fluid that helps flushing grit out, and it covers the parts with a dry, waxy dirt repellant coating. Unless you locked yourself into the garage and need to get out, your best bet is to take the lock to a locksmith, and tell him right away, that you have restrained yourself from spraying weird stuff into the lock. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Roads less traveled, photos of Scotland.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this report: A hot red convertible with an equally hot woman driver raced by as my husband and his friend stopped to stare. "Wow," sighed Rick. "Nice." "Yeah," agreed his buddy, transfixed. "What color was the car?" I asked. They answered simultaneously, "Blonde." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The CIA loses track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a bar in one of the small towns. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on the bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives in the green house right down the street." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 30 in
1097 The Crusaders defeated the Turks at Dorylaeum. 

1841 The Erie Railroad rolled out its first passenger train. 

1859 Charles Blondin became the first person to cross Niagara Falls
on a tightrope. 

1894 Korea declared independence from China and asked for Japanese

1908 A meteor explosion in Siberia knocked down trees in a 40-mile
radius and struck people unconscious some 40 miles away. 

1912 Belgian workers went on strike to demand universal suffrage. 

1913 Fighting broke out between Bulgaria and Greece and Serbia. It
was the beginning of the Second Balkan War. 

1915 During World War I, the Second Battle Artois ended when the
French failed to take Vimy Ridge. 

1922 Irish rebels in London assassinate Sir Henry Wilson, the
British deputy for Northern Ireland. 

1930 France pulled its troops out of Germany’s Rhineland. 

1934 Adolf Hitler purged the Nazi Party by destroying the SA and
bringing to power to the SS in the "Night of the Long Knives." 

1935 Fascists caused an uproar at the League of Nations when Haile
Selassie of Ethiopia speaks. 

1936 Margaret Mitchell’s book, "Gone with the Wind," was published.

1950 U.S. President Harry Truman ordered U.S. troops into Korea and
authorizes the draft. 

1951 On orders from Washington, General Matthew Ridgeway broadcasts
that the United Nations was willing to discuss an armistice with
North Korea. 

1953 The first Corvette rolled off the Chevrolet assembly line in
Flint, MI. It sold for $3,250. 

1955 The U.S. began funding West Germany’s rearmament with US made
jets and bombs.

1957 The American occupation headquarters in Japan was dissolved. 

1958 The U.S. Congress passed a law authorizing the admission of
Alaska as the 49th state in the Union. 

1960 The Katanga province seceded from Congo (upon Congo's
independence from Belgium). 

1964 The last of U.N. troops left Congo after a four-year effort to
bring stability to the country. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the government could not
prevent the Washington Post or the New York Times from publishing
the Pentagon Papers. 

1971 The Soviet spacecraft Soyuz 11 returned to Earth. The three
cosmonauts were found dead inside. 

1971 The 26th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was ratified when
Ohio became the 38th state to approve it. The amendment lowered the
minimum voting age to 18. 

1974 Russian ballet dancer Mikhail Baryshnikov defected in Toronto,

1974 The July 4th scene from the Steven Spielberg movie "Jaws" was

1977 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced his opposition to the B-
1 bomber. 

1985 Yul Brynner left his role as the King of Siam after 4,600
performances in "The King and I." 

1986 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that states could outlaw
homosexual acts between consenting adults. 

1994 The U.S. Figure Skating Association stripped Tonya Harding of
the 1994 national championship and banned her from the organization
for life for an attack on rival Nancy Kerrigan. 

1998 Officials confirmed that the remains of a Vietnam War
serviceman buried in the Tomb of the Unknowns at Arlington National
Cemetery were identified as those of Air Force pilot Michael J.

2000 U.S. President Clinton signed the E-Signature bill to give the
same legal validity to an electronic signature as a signature in
pen and ink. 

2004 The international Cassini spacecraft entered Saturn's orbit.
The craft had been on a nearly seven-year journey. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ivy Leaguer, Nobel nominee with long list of 
liberal bona fides arrested for child porn 
and activity with kids
Today, June 29 in
1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine
in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Our priest suddenly became ill and asked his twin brother, also a priest, to fill in for him and conduct a funeral Mass scheduled for that day. His brother, of course, agreed. It was not until the brother was accompanying the casket down the aisle, however, that he realized that he had neglected to ask the sex of the deceased. This was information that he would need for his remarks during the service. As he approached the first pew where the deceased's relatives were seated he nodded toward the casket and whispered to one woman, "Brother or sister?" "Cousin," she replied. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Thanks to Lynn for this story: As the owner of a clunker, I was used to dealing with a variety of car breakdowns. One day at the supermarket, just after I had filled my trunk with groceries, I noticed a stream of fluid pouring out of the bottom of the car. I knew I had to get home before the car was once again out of action. When I arrived I asked my husband to take a look at the problem. Expecting the worst, I braced myself for his diagnosis. When he came back in, he was smiling. "It's apple juice," he said. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joel Davis, 22, NYC, New York Ivy Leaguer, Nobel nominee with long list of liberal bona fides arrested for child porn and activity with kids An Ivy Leaguer who ran an organization advocating for the end of sexual violence has been arrested in New York for trying to set up a sexual tryst with children as young as two. Joel Davis was charged with attempting to sexually exploit a child, enticing a child to engage in sexual activity and possessing child pornography, The Washington Post reported. What makes the case so egregious is that Davis, a 22-year-old Columbia University student, is the founding executive director of the international group Youth to End Sexual Violence, focused on child victims, the newspaper reported. He has worked alongside actress Angelina Jolie and was reportedly nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Davis is also an active Hillary Clinton supporter. An Ivy Leaguer who ran an organization advocating for the end of sexual violence has been arrested in New York for trying to set up a sexual tryst with children as young as two. Joel Davis was charged with attempting to sexually exploit a child, enticing a child to engage in sexual activity and possessing child pornography, The Washington Post reported. What makes the case so egregious is that Davis, a 22-year-old Columbia University student, is the founding executive director of the international group Youth to End Sexual Violence, focused on child victims, the newspaper reported. He has worked alongside actress Angelina Jolie and was reportedly nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize. Davis is also a Hillary Clinton supporter. And his liberal bona fides don’t stop there, as he served as a youth ambassador for the United Nations. More from the Washington Post: He was the founding executive director of the international organization Youth to End Sexual Violence. He served as a youth ambassador for the United Nations special representative on sexual violence in conflict. He was on the steering committee of the International Campaign to Stop Rape & Gender Violence in Conflict, a group of more than 5,000 human rights organizations and experts worldwide. The Post reported that, according to a federal criminal complaint, Davis exchanged text messages with undercover FBI agents, trying to arrange meetings with a 9-year-old girl, an 8-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. He allegedly sent sexually explicit photos and videos of children and infants, and was clear in his communications with the FBI agents that he wanted to engage in sex with children of any age The complain also said Davis admitted to meeting a 13-year-old boy on the dating app Grindr, speaking with him on Snapchat. He engaged in sexual activity with the child in June at his Manhattan apartment. U.S. Attorney Geoffrey S. Berman called Davis’s alleged actions “unfathomable.” “Davis started an organization devoted to stopping sexual violence, while allegedly engaged in the duplicitous behavior of sharing explicit images of infants engaged in sexual activity,” Berman said, according to The Post. “The conduct alleged against Joel Davis is as unfathomable as it is sickening,” he said, adding that “law enforcement will keep its watchful eye on the darkest corners of the internet to bring predators to justice.”
Tech Support Pits From: Carlie Re: Screen Savers Dear Webby I got all kinds of mail telling me that I need to buy a screen saver to protect my monitor. Is there any truth to that? Carlie Dear Carlie No truth to that at all. Today's monitors don't need screen savers. If you need to hide netflix or farmville from nosy co-workers, you can use the built in screen savers. There is a big choice, all the way from pitch-black to slide show. Next company party take pictures of all the boneheads and drunks, and put them into a new folder. Then Select slideshow or photos for the screen saver, and browse to THAT folder. You can select the time it waits before starting, and how long it shows each picture. Charge $25 to remove somebody's picture. You can also take screen shots of the spreadsheets you work on, and put them into a folder. Make that one flip slides quickly. On one old machine, where I use a traditional screen saver, I use Mystify from Windows 3.3. It still works. There are also screen savers built in. Just right-click on the desktop, Personalize, Screen Saver (right hand bottom) and select one. You can also google for "Free screen savers" and get all kinds of them for your particular version of Windows. For Gramma's birthday you can make her a screensaver with all the pictrues you got that she would love to see. Put them onto a camera chip or thumb drive, and sneak them into a new folder on her machine, then set a screen saver to use those pictures. I bet it will make her cry! Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Since this is their first party and the wife hasn't done much cooking, the husband suggests they order out for Chinese food and she could bake a cake for dessert. She agrees, but on Friday afternoon, the wife calls her husband in tears. "The only recipe I can find is for a cake that will feed four," she says. "Why don't you just double the recipe?" her husband asks. Just before quitting time the husband gets another call from her, and this time she is frantic. "I just can't do it," she says. "It's impossible." "Now, now, what's the matter?" "Well, I doubled everything, just like you said," she tells him, "and it's ready to go in the oven." "Then what's the problem?" he asks. The wife sobs. "The book says that the cake must be baked at 350 degrees. I've checked the oven and it doesn't go up to 700 degrees!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
>From David I'm also a counselor who helps coordinate support groups for visually-impaired adults. Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features. I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself. Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford." Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Inexpensive Desk Make a great desk top out of an old smooth door (knobs removed). Use short filing cabinets or milk crates to support the door. This is a great way to recycle old doors you may have sitting in your garage. Some sanding and staining and then a few coats of marine spar varnish will make it look really great and totally impervious to ANY spills. The darker you stain the door, the easier it will be on your eyes. If the door is painted white, paint it brown or dark green. The slate green that you may remember from old school blackboards is the easiest on the eyes. Have FUN! DerWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Artist gives kids temporary tats to try to make hospital life more fun. Great guy!
___________________________________________________ A Swiss guy, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars. The next morning her designated parking space was occupied by the dumpster. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 29 in
1236 Ferdinand III of Castile and Leon took Cordoba in Spain. 

1652 Massachusetts declared itself an independent commonwealth. 

1767 The British Parliament approved the Townshend Revenue Acts.
The acts imposed import duties on glass, lead, paint, paper and tea
shipped to America. It did not go over well.

1776 The Virginia constitution was adopted and Patrick Henry was
made governor. 

1804 Privates John Collins and Hugh Hall of the Lewis and Clark
Expedition were found guilty by a court-martial consisting of
members of the Corps of Discovery for getting drunk on duty.
Collins received 100 lashes on his back and Hall received 50. 

1860 The first iron-pile lighthouse was completed at Minot’s Ledge,

1880 France annexed Tahiti. 

1888 Professor Frederick Treves performed the first appendectomy in

1903 The British government officially protested Belgian atrocities
in the Congo. 

1905 Russian troops intervened as riots erupted in ports all over
the country. Many ships were looted. 

1917 The Ukraine proclaimed independence from Russia. 

1925 Marvin Pipkin filed for a patent for the frosted electric
light bulb. 

1926 Fascists in Rome added an hour to the work day in an economic
efficiency measure. 

1932 Siam’s army seized Bangkok and announced an end to the
absolute monarchy. 

1946 British authorities arrested more than 2,700 Jews in Palestine
in an attempt to end alleged terrorism. 

1950 U.S. President Harry S. Truman authorized a sea blockade of

1951 The United States invited the Soviet Union to the Korean peace
talks on a ship in Wonson Harbor. 

1953 The Federal Highway Act authorized the construction of 42,500
miles of freeway from coast to coast. 

1954 The Atomic Energy Commission voted against reinstating Dr. J.
Robert Oppenheimer's access to classified information. 

1955 The Soviet Union sent tanks to Poznan, Poland, to put down
anti-Communist demonstrations. 

1956 Marilyn Monroe and Arthur Miller were married. They were
divorced on January 20, 1961. 

1966 The U.S. bombed fuel storage facilities near the North
Vietnamese cities of Hanoi and Haiphong. 

1967 Israel removed barricades, re-unifying Jerusalem. 

1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the death penalty could
constitute "cruel and unusual punishment." The ruling prompted
states to revise their capital punishment laws. 

1982 Israel invaded Lebanon. 

1987 Vincent Van Gogh’s "Le Pont de Trinquetaille" was bought for
$20.4 million at an auction in London, England. 

1995 The shuttle Atlantis and the Russian space station Mir docked,
forming the largest man-made satellite ever to orbit the Earth. 

2007 The first generation Apple iPhone went on sale. 

2011 The state of Nevada passed the first law that permitted the
operation of autonomous cars on public roads. The law went into
effect on March 1, 2012 and did not permit the use of the cars to
the general public. Google received the first self-driving vehicle
license in the U.S. on May 4, 2012 in Nevada. 

2018  smiled.

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Best defragger of today 


Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 28

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
N.H. man arrested twice in one day faces 
drug, DUI charges
Today, June 28 in
2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the right
to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.' --- Jeff Foxworthy Imagination is the highest kite one can fly. --- Lauren Bacall ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This country is so full of opportunity. Where else can a woman hire another woman to do her housework, so that she can volunteer at the Day Care Center where the cleaning woman leaves her child? _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Royal Gorge Bridge, Colorado. 1929 _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself that he starts calling his wife "Mother of Six" in spite of her objections. One night they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home, and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home, Mother of Six?" His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts back..."Anytime you're ready, Father of Four!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benjamin Benoit, 33, Boscawen, New Hampshire N.H. man arrested twice in one day faces drug, DUI charges Police in Concord and Bow said they arrested the same man hours apart on charges of driving under the influence. Benjamin Benoit, 33, of Boscawen, was arrested Thursday afternoon after police received a report of a person at a Bow gas station falling asleep in the driver's seat of a car. Benoit was arrested again Friday morning in Concord after another report was made about a person passed out in a vehicle at a gas station. Concord police said the car Benoit was in was stolen from the owner's place of employment in Pembroke. Benoit is facing multiple charges, including driving under the influence, possession of a controlled substance and possession of stolen property. After each arrest, Benoit was released on personal recognizance bail. He is scheduled to appear in Merrimack County Superior Court on the Bow charges on July 5 and on the Concord charges on July 12.
Tech Support Pits From: Bobbie Re: Defrag never finishes Dear Webby My computer is getting really slow, so a friend suggested that I defrag it. I tried that, but the Windows defrag never finishes. It just keeps re-starting. What am I doing wrong? Bobbie Dear Bobbie There are countless defraggers available on the net. 99% of them are crap. Even the piriform defraggler, that I have recommended in the past, has gone bad. According to Moe, who tests and compares them as his mission, Glarysoft's disk-speedup is currently the best. Just make 100% sure that you don't let their other utilities slither in during the install! The rest of their stuff is bad news, as I found out myself a few years ago. Just do the Disk- Speedup, and don't touch the rest. You can get it here: Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
While digging a shaft into the German homeland, German scientists discovered small pieces of copper at 50 meters. After studying these pieces for a long time, Germany announced that the ancient Germans 25,000 years ago had a nationwide telephone network. Naturally, the British government was not that easily impressed. The British ordered their own scientists to dig even deeper. At a depth of 100 meters, they discovered small pieces of glass. Soon the British announced that the ancient Brits 35,000 years ago already had a nationwide fiber net. Israeli scientists were outraged. They dug 50, 100, and 200 meters underground, but found absolutely nothing. The Israelis concluded that the ancient Hebrews 55,000 years ago had cellular telephones.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
After driving all night, a man arrived in a small town where he decided to stop in the local park and catch some sleep. Just as he dozed off, there was a knock on the window. Outside the car, was a jogger. "Excuse me, can you give me the time?" the jogger inquired. "Groggily, the man replied, "It's 6:27." The man closed his eyes and just as he dozed off there was another knock on the window. There stood another jogger who said, "I'm sorry to disturb you. Do you have the time?" Struggling to keep up his spirits he replied, "It's 6:34." The man rolled up the window but realizing that this could go on indefinitely, he took paper and pen and created a sign which read: "I DO NOT KNOW THE TIME." He stuck the sign in the window, closed his eyes, and was barely asleep when there came yet another tap on the window. The man looked and sure enough, there was another jogger. He disgustedly rolled down the window and said, "Yeah, what is it?" The jogger replied, "It's 6:42." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uneven Cake Layers Sometimes you bake a cake layer that comes out just a little bit lopsided. Level the layer with a serrated knife. Then apply a coat of frosting to the rough edge leftover from the cut. Let the frosting dry before frosting the rest of the cake. A serrated knife sounds rather barbaric to me! Cut some leftover shelving or other wood with the same thickness as a layer of the cake to just fit into your cake pans and sand and varnish it nicely, because some day it will become a heirloom. After you dump the cake, put the wood spacer in and the cake on top of that. Then use the edge of the cake pan as a guide to saw it into layers with dental floss. Remove the cake and put the top layer onto the spacer and trim the top to be precisely the same as the bottom. You will get the same laser smooth cut that the professionals get (who use that same old trick). If you don't have any scrap wood, a book or a stack of junk mail in a ziplock bag works fine too. If you do a lot of cakes in a row, tie the ends of the dental floss to wooden spoons or clothes pegs so that you don't cut your hands. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Get lost in these real world fairy-tale landscapes.
___________________________________________________ Two men were sitting in a doctors office. "What are you here for?" asked one. "Circumcision," came the reply. "That's rough! I had one of those the day after I was born," the first man commented. "Afterward, I couldn't walk for a year." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, walking back and forth and never once getting angry. So finally, a second customer asked why didn't they just throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't have an air conditioner." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 28 in
1635 The French colony of Guadeloupe was established in the

1675 Frederick William of Brandenburg crushed the Swedes. 

1709 The Russians defeated the Swedes and Cossacks at the Battle of

1776 American Colonists repulsed a British sea attack on
Charleston, SC. 

1778 Mary "Molly Pitcher" Hays McCauley, wife of an American
artilleryman, carried water to the soldiers during the Battle of
Monmouth and, supposedly, took her husband's place at his gun after
he was overcome with heat. 

1894 The U.S. Congress made Labor Day a U.S. national holiday. 

1902 The U.S. Congress passed the Spooner bill, it authorized a
canal to be built across the isthmus of Panama. 

1911 Samuel J. Battle became the first African-American policeman
in New York City. 

1914 Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria, the heir to the Austro-
Hungarian throne, was assassinated in Sarajevo along with his wife,
Duchess Sophie. England used that as the start of WWI.

1919 The Treaty of Versailles was signed ending World War I exactly
five years after it began. The treaty also established the League
of Nations. 

1921 A coal strike in Great Britain was settled after three months.

1930 More than 1,000 communists were routed during an assault on
the British consulate in London. 

1939 Pan American Airways began the first transatlantic passenger

1938 The U.S. Congress created the Federal Housing Administration
(FHA) to insure construction loans. 

1942 German troops launched an offensive to seize Soviet oil fields
in the Caucasus and the city of Stalingrad. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur announced the end of Japanese
resistance in the Philippines. 

1949 The last U.S. combat troops were called home from Korea,
leaving only 500 advisers. 

1950 North Korean forces captured Seoul, South Korea. 

1951 "Amos ’n’ Andy" moved to CBS-TV from radio. 

1954 French troops began to pull out of Vietnam’s Tonkin Province. 

1960 In Cuba, Fidel Castro confiscated American-owned oil
refineries without compensation. 

1964 Malcolm X founded the Organization for Afro American Unity to
seek independence for blacks in the Western Hemisphere. 

1965 The first commercial satellite began communications service.
It was Early Bird (Intelsat I). 

1967 Israel formally declared Jerusalem reunified under its
sovereignty following its capture of the Arab sector in the June
1967 war. 

1971 The U.S. Supreme Court overturned the draft evasion conviction
of Muhammad Ali. 

1972 U.S. President Nixon announced that no new draftees would be
sent to Vietnam. 

1976 The first women entered the U.S. Air Force Academy. 

1978 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the medical school at the
University of California at Davis to admit Allan Bakke. Bakke, a
white man, argued he had been a victim of reverse racial

1996 The Citadel voted to admit women, ending a 153-year-old men-
only policy at the South Carolina military school. 

1997 Mike Tyson was disqualified for biting Evander Holyfield's ear
after three rounds of their WBA heavyweight title fight in Las
Vegas, NV. 

1998 Poland, due to shortage of funds, is allowed to lease, U.S.
aircraft to bring military force up to NATO standards. 

1998 The Cincinnati Enquirer apologized to Chiquita banana company
and retracted their stories that questioned company's business
practices. They also agreed to pay more than $10 million to settle
legal claims. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court declared that a Nebraska law that
outlawed "partial birth abortions" was unconstitutional. About 30
U.S. states had similar laws at the time of the ruling. 

2000 Darva Conger announced that she had done a layout for Playboy
magazine. Conger had married Rick Rockwell on Fox-TV's "Who Wants
to Marry a Multimillionaire." 

2000 The European Commission announced that they had blocked the
planned merger between the U.S. companies WorldCom Inc. and Sprint
due to competition concerns. 

2000 Six-year-old Elián González returned to Cuba from the U.S.
with his father. The child had been the center of an international
custody dispute. 

2001 Slobodan Milosevic was taken into custody and was handed over
to the U.N. war crimes tribunal in The Hague, Netherlands. The
indictment charged Milosevic and four other senior officials, with
crimes against humanity and violations of the laws and customs of
war in Kosovo. 

2001 The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia Circuit
set aside an order that would break up Microsoft for antitrust
violations. However, the judges did agree that the company was in
violation of antitrust laws. 

2004 The U.S. turned over official sovereignty to Iraq's interim
leadership. The event took place two days earlier than previously
announced to thwart insurgents' attempts at undermining the

2004 The U.S. resumed diplomatic ties with Libya after a 24-year

2004 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that enemy combatants could
challenge their detention in U.S. Courts. 

2005 The final design for the "Freedom Tower" (One World Trade
Center) was formally unveiled. 

2007 The American bald eagle was removed from the endangered
species list. 

2010 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that Americans have the right
to own a gun for self-defense anywhere they live. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 27

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress,
whose purse he had stolen, when he 
used her credit card to pay for his meal.
Today, June 27 in
1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent
for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886.
More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ He played the king as if afraid someone else would play the ace. --- John Mason Brown (1900 - 1969) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >Thanks to Janet G Los Cabo, Mexico _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Bob took his 4 year old Josh, out to McDonald's for dinner one evening for a "guy night". As they were eating hamburgers, Josh asked "Daddy, what are these little things on the hamburger buns?" He responded that they were tiny seeds and were ok to eat. Josh was quiet for a couple of minutes and obviously in deep thought. Finally, Josh looked up and said, "Dad, if we go home and plant these seeds in our backyard, we will have enough hamburgers to last forever." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shamon West, 21, Pine Bluff, Arkansas Arkansas purse thief nabbed by the waitress, whose purse he had stolen, when he used her credit card to pay for his meal. Authorities say an Arkansas thief got his just deserts when he tried to pay for a meal using the waitress' stolen credit card. Police spokesman Lt. David De Foor said in a news release that officers arrested 21-year-old Shamon West on Tuesday at Shannon's Restaurant in Pine Bluff. He says that "having no desire to pay for the fellow's meal," waitress Flora Lunsford called to report that the man had tried paying for his meal with her stolen credit card. De Foor says officers found other items on West that had been in Lunsford's purse when it was stolen from her car Sunday at a nearby gas station while she was inside the station, including her Social Security card and driver's license. West is being held at the Jefferson County jail in lieu of $2,840 bond on forgery and theft by receiving charges.
Tech Support Pits From: Kathleen Re: Separate Window Dear Webby I saw one of the IT guys pop from a link on a page to a fresh window, without overwriting the one where the link was. I asked him how he did that and he managed o confuse not only me, but also himself. So, how is it done? Kathleen Dear Kathleen Just hold down SHIFT and click the link. If the link is just to a small pop-up, then hold down CTRL while you click the link. That's all there is to it. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing. "You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees." The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?" The cannibals all shook their heads, "No" After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?" A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued. "For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything. But NOOOooo, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Bathroom Maintenance A good way to keep your tub or shower clean is to wipe it down after you use it. You can do it with the towel you use to dry yourself. Teach your kids to do the same. Your tub will require cleaning much less frequently. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Tiny, perfect staircases made by a secret society of French woodworkers.
___________________________________________________ I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door un-locker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenient store) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I Dunno. Do you have an alarm too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me. As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check about the's a long walk." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The skydiving instructor was going through the question and answer period with his new students when one of them asked the usual question always asked: "If our chute doesn't open; and the reserve doesn't open, how long would we have till we hit the ground?" The jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan answered: "The rest of your life." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 27 in
0363 The death of Roman Emperor Julian brought an end to the Pagan

1693 "The Ladies' Mercury" was published by John Dunton in London.
It was the first women's magazine and contained a "question and
answer" column that became known as a "problem page." 

1743 King George II of England defeated the French at Dettingen,
Bavaria, in the War of the Austrian Succession. 

1787 Edward Gibbon completed "The Decline and Fall of the Roman
Empire." It was published the following May. 

1801 British forces defeated the French and took control of Cairo,

1847 New York and Boston were linked by telegraph wires. 

1871 The yen became the new form of currency in Japan. 

1885 Chichester Bell and Charles S. Tainter applied for a patent
for the gramophone. It was granted on May 4, 1886. 

1893 The New York stock market crashed. By the end of the year 600
banks and 74 railroads had gone out of business. 

1905 The battleship Potemkin succumbed to a mutiny on the Black

1918 Two German pilots were saved by parachutes for the first time.

1923 Yugoslav Premier Nikola Pachitch was wounded by Serb attackers
in Belgrade. 

1927 The U.S. Marines adopted the English bulldog as their mascot. 

1929 Scientists at Bell Laboratories in New York revealed a system
for transmitting television pictures. 

1931 Igor Sikorsky filed U.S. Patent 1,994,488, which marked a
breakthrough in helicopter technology. 

1940 Robert Pershing Wadlow was measured by Dr. Cyril MacBryde and
Dr. C. M. Charles. They recorded his height at 8' 11.1." He was
only 22 at the time of his death on July 15, 1940. 

1942 The FBI announced the capture of eight Nazi saboteurs who had
been put ashore from a submarine on New York's Long Island. 

1944 During World War II, American forces completed their capture
of the French port of Cherbourg from the German army. 

1949 "Captain Video and His Video Rangers" premiered on the Dumont
Television Network. 

1950 Two days after North Korea invaded South Korea, U.S. President
Truman ordered the Air Force and Navy into the Korean conflict.
United Nations Security Council had asked for member nations to
help South Korea repel an invasion from the North. 

1954 The world's first atomic power station opened at Obninsk, near

1955 The first "Wide Wide World" was broadcast on NBC-TV. 

1955 The state of Illinois enacted the first automobile seat belt

1959 The play, "West Side Story," with music by Leonard Bernstein,
closed after 734 performances on Broadway. 

1961 Arthur Michael Ramsey was enthroned as the 100th Archbishop of

1964 Ernest Borgnine and Ethel Merman were married. It only lasted
38 days. 

1967 The world's first cash dispenser was installed at Barclays
Bank in Enfield, England. The device was invented by John Sheppard-
Barron. The machine operated on a voucher system and the maximum
withdrawal was $28. 

1967 Two hundred people were arrested during a race riot in
Buffalo, NY. 

1969 Patrons at the Stonewall Inn, a gay bar in New York City's
Greenwich Village, clashed with police. This incident is considered
to be the birth of the homosexual rights movement. 

1972 Bobby Hull signed a 10-year hockey contract for $2,500,000. He
became a player and coach of the Winnipeg Jets of the World Hockey

1973 Former White House counsel John W. Dean told the Senate
Watergate Committee about an "enemies list" that was kept by the
Nixon White House. 

1973 Nixon vetoed a Senate ban on bombing Cambodia. 

1980 U.S. President Carter signed legislation reviving draft

1984 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that individual colleges could
make their own TV package deals. 

1984 The Federal Communications Commission moved to deregulate U.S.
commercial TV by lifting most programming requirements and ending
day-part restrictions on advertising. 

1985 Route 66 was officially removed from the United States Highway

1985 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to limit the use of
combat troops in Nicaragua. 

1986 The World Court ruled that the U.S. had broken international
law by aiding Nicaraguan rebels. 

1995 Qatar's Crown Prince Sheik Hamad bin Khalifa al-Thani ousted
his father in a bloodless palace coup. 

1998 An English woman was impregnated with her dead husband's sperm
after two-year legal battle over her right to the sperm. 

1998 In a live joint news conference in China U.S. President
Clinton and President Jiang Zemin offered an uncensored airing of
differences on human rights, freedom, trade and Tibet. 

2002 In the U.S., the Securities and Exchange Commission required
companies with annual sales of more than $1.2 billion to submit
sworn statements backing up the accuracy of their financial

2005 In Alaska's Denali National Park, a roughly 70-million year
old dinosaur track was discovered. The track was form a three-toed
Cretaceous period dinosaur.

2018  smiled.

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Moving Taskbar icons 


Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 26

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
French Teen detained for two weeks after 
jogging across Canada-US border
Today, June 26 in
1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The
official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the
world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest
tower until 2010. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nothing is said that has not been said before. --- Terence (185 BC - 159 BC) He that is of the opinion money will do everything may well be suspected of doing everything for money. --- Benjamin Franklin ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Linda True friend had a date and didn't have time to eat supper. She grabbed a few dates to help tide her over and went upstairs to change for the date. When the guy came....a different guy than she'd ever gone out with before....her mom said "She's upstairs changing and eating her last date." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Deer family playing in a puddle during a thunderstorm _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the elderly woman left her glasses on the table, but she didn't miss them until they were back on the highway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The elderly man fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant. He called his wife every bad name he could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, and the woman got out of the car to retrieve her glasses, the man yelled to her, "And while you're in there, you might as well get my hat, too." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cedella Roman, 19 White Rock, BC French Teen detained for two weeks after jogging across Canada-US border A young French woman was held by US border control for two weeks after she accidentally crossed the border when she went for a jog. Cedella Roman, 19, ran across the border just south of the town of White Rock in Canada’s British Columbia, into the US state of Washington on the evening of May 21. She headed back when the tide began to come in, going up toward a dirt path before stopping to take a photo of the stunning scenery, then turned around to retrace her steps. It was then that she was apprehended by two US Border Patrol officers who told her she had crossed illegally and had been caught on camera. ‘I told him I had not done it on purpose, and that I didn’t understand what was happening,’ she said. Roman protested that she hadn’t seen any warning signs, and didn’t initially anticipate how serious the matter would become. ‘I said to myself, well I may have crossed the border – but they’ll probably only give me a fine or they’ll tell me to go back to Canada or they’ll give me a warning.’ Complicating matters, Roman, who had come to Canada to visit her mother and work on her English, wasn’t carrying any government-issued ID on her at the time. She was transferred by the officers to the Tacoma Northwest Detention Center, run by the Department of Homeland Security, 200 kilometers (120 miles) south. ‘They put me in the caged vehicles and brought me into their facility,’ she said. ‘They asked me to remove all my personal belongings with my jewelry, they searched me everywhere. ‘Then I understood it was getting very serious, and I started to cry a bit.’ When she reached the centre, she contacted her mother, Christiane Ferne, who quickly reached the centre with her passport and study permits – but the workers at the site said the documents would have to be verified by Canadian authorities. She was held at the centre for two weeks before the matter was resolved and she was allowed to return to Canada. Ferne said the lack of clear signs had led to her daughter’s predicament. ‘It’s like a trap… anybody can be caught at the border like this,’ she said. US Immigration and Customs Enforcement confirmed to CBC that Roman was discharged on June 6. But neither the ICE nor Immigration Canada would comment further on the case, citing privacy concerns. A spokesperson for the US Customs and Border Protection told CBC that anyone who enters the US outside an official port of entry and without inspection has crossed the border illegally and will be detained. ‘This applies regardless of whether or not the individual claims to have inadvertently crossed the border,’ the department said. The Peace Arch and huge US border station are about a quarter mile south of the border but clearly visible from two miles away. The Canadian Welcome sign is about that far north of the border. The beach is about 50 feet from the border station. The customs officers have always looked out the windows on the West, just in case some bikinis were bouncing by. I used to party there with friends in the early 70s. Even then you had to have some legal ID to show, if the customs officers asked for it. It was always a friendly and low key affair, but they made sure you carried legal ID, even in those days. In those days and until 9/11 a drivers license was enough for Canadians to cross the border into the US and for Americans to cross into Canada. On the road there was always a lot of commuting to work, Americans working in BC and Canadians working in the US. During rush hour, having a hard hat or lunch kit on the dash got you waved through with a nod. 9/11 changed that quite brutally. They probably suspected that she was scouting a route for illegal immigrants, and telling everybody in France how easy it was to get into the USA from Canada. Looks like they smartened her up!
Tech Support Pits From: Ginny Re: Move taskbar icons Dear Webby Is there a way to move the icons on the taskbar so that they are in the order that I use them? I can only re-arrange the icons in the little hot-bar section by the START, but the rest of the task bar, that has the buttons for programs that are running, there Windows won't let me move them. Thanks Ginny Dear Ginny Before Windows 7 we used to have to use the Taskbar Shuffler from Nowadays you can drag them. Carefully put the cursor onto a grey corner of a taskbar icon, hold down the left mouse button and drag the icon to where you want it. It acts as if you had the Taskbar Shuffler already installed. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Planning a weekend of entertaining guests, I made a list of things I needed to do, including taking food out of the freezer and grocery shopping. As it happened, a friend whom I had been promising to take to lunch asked if we could make it that Friday. So, hopping into the car, I taped my "to do" list to the dashboard and went and picked her up. As she settled into the car, her face dropped. "Thanks a lot!" she sulked. Then I glanced at my list and saw the first item: "Take out the Turkey."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A consultant is someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Organize Tools With Fishing Tackle Boxes Fishing tackle boxes work great for keeping small power tools and their accessories and bits organized. Whenever I see fishing tackle box at a garage sale or rummage sale, I grab it. You can uses stencils and spray paint to label the outside of the box. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
American vacations of the 1900's in color.
___________________________________________________ An agriculture student said to a farmer: "Your methods are too old fashioned. I won't be surprised if this tree will give you less than twenty pounds of apples." "I won't be surprised either," said the farmer, "From orange trees like this, I expect about 120 pounds of oranges". ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good, too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 26 in
1096 Peter the Hermit's crusaders forced their way across Sava,

1243 The Seljuk Turkish army in Asia Minor was wiped out by the

1483 Richard III usurped himself to the English throne. 

1794 The French defeated an Austrian army at the Battle of Fleurus.

1804 The Lewis and Clark Expedition reached the mouth of the Kansas
River after completing a westward trek of nearly 400 river miles. 

1819 The bicycle was patented by W.K. Clarkson, Jr. 

1870 The first section of the boardwalk in Atlantic City, NJ, was
opened to the public. 

1894 The American Railway Union called a general strike in sympathy
with Pullman workers. 

1900 The United States announced that it would send troops to fight
against the Boxer rebellion in China. 

1900 A commission that included Dr. Walter Reed began the fight
against the deadly disease yellow fever. 

1907 Russia's nobility demanded drastic measures to be taken
against revolutionaries. 

1908 Shah Muhammad Ali's forces squelched the reform elements of
Parliament in Persia. 

1917 General John "Black Jack" Pershing arrived in France with the
American Expeditionary Force. 

1925 Charlie Chaplin's comedy "The Gold Rush" premiered in
That was the only movie about Canada that I had seen before I

1924 After eight years of occupation, American troops left the
Dominican Republic. 

1927 The Coney Island Cyclone roller coaster opened in New York. 

1936 The Focke-Wulf Fw 61 made its first flight. It is often
considered the first practical helicopter. 

1942 The Grumman F6F Hellcat fighter was flown for the first time. 

1945 The U.N. Charter was signed by 50 nations in San Francisco,

1948 The Berlin Airlift began as the U.S., Britain and France
started ferrying supplies to the isolated western sector of Berlin.

1951 The Soviet Union proposed a cease-fire in the Korean War. 

1959 U.S. President Eisenhower joined Britain's Queen Elizabeth II
in ceremonies officially opening the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1961 A Kuwaiti vote opposed Iraq's annexation plans. 

1963 U.S. President John Kennedy announced "Ich bin ein Berliner"
(I am a Berliner) at the Berlin Wall. 

1971 The U.S. Justice Department issued a warrant for Daniel
Ellsberg, accusing him of giving away the Pentagon Papers. 

1974 In Troy, Ohio, a Marsh supermarket installed the first bar
code scanning equipment, made by IBM, and a product with a bar code
was scanned for the first time. The product was Juicy Fruit gum. 

1975 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi declared a state of
emergency due to "deep and widespread conspiracy." 

1976 In Toronto, Canada, the CN Tower opened to the public. The
official opening date is listed as October 1, 1976. It was the
world's tallest free-standing stucture and the world's tallest
tower until 2010. 

1979 Muhammad Ali, at 37 years old, announced that he was retiring
as world heavyweight boxing champion. 

1996 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the Virginia Military Institute
to admit women or forgo state support. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Communications Decency
Act of 1996 that made it illegal to distribute indecent material on
the Internet. 

1997 J.K. Rowlings book "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone"
was published in the U.K. The book was later released in the U.S.
under the name "Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone." This was
the first book in the Harry Potter series. 

1997 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld state laws that allow for a ban
on doctor-assisted suicides. 

1998 The U.S. and Peru open school to train commandos to patrol
Peru's rivers for drug traffickers. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that employers are always
potentially liable for supervisor's sexual misconduct toward an

2000 The Human Genome Project and Celera Genomics Corp. jointly
announced that they had created a working draft of the human

2000 Indonesia's President Abdurrahman Wahid declared a state of
emergency in the Moluccas due to the escalation of fighting between
Christians and Muslims. 

2001 Ray Bourque (Colorado Avalanche) announced his retirement just
17 days after winning his first Stanley Cup. Bouque retired after
22 years and held the NHL record for highest-scoring defenseman and
playing in 19 consecutive All-Star games. 

2002 David Hasseloff checked into The Betty Ford Center for
treatment of alcoholism. 

2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 

2018  smiled.

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MS Office or Libre Office 


Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 25

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman arrested for meth after 
claiming children are missing
Today, June 25 in
1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean War. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then--we elected them. --- Lily Tomlin When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Mark A Cop came to my house this morning. He asked me where I was in between five and six. He seemed irritated when I said kindergarten. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The storm woke up my peonies _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then.." "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for???" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Misty Brock, 39, Funiak Springs, Florida Florida woman arrested for meth after claiming children are missing A woman from DeFuniak Springs who initially claimed her two children had been kidnapped was arrested for possession of methamphetamine and false 911 calls after her children were found safe and sound, according to a press release. Misty Michelle Brock, 39, was charged with false 911 calls, resisting an officer without violence and making a false report to law enforcement by the Jackson County Sheriff’s Office. She was additionally charged with possession of paraphernalia and possession of methamphetamine with intent to sell. According to JCSO, Brock called dispatch reporting that her two children, ages two and five, had gone missing from her vehicle at the Chevron Station on Highway 231 and that she believed they were in a semi-truck that had just departed the area. The call triggered a response from JSCO, along with FHP, Cottondale Police, the Bay County Sheriff’s Office and Houston County Sheriff’s Office as a BOLO (Be on the Lookout) was issued for the semi-truck. During the course of the investigation, deputies noted that Brock displayed several signs that she was under the influence of an illegal substance. A review of security footage showed no children in Brock’s car. Brock was allegedly unable to provide consistent information about her travel itinerary or even what her children were wearing. A JCSO Investigator traveled to the children’s father’s home, where they were located and determined to have been all day. Contact had also been made with Brock’s mother who provided the same information. When deputies tried to relay this information to Brock she stated those children were impostors, according to the press release. During the investigation, several items of paraphernalia were allegedly found in Brock’s purse, along with five grams of “high grade” methamphetamine. As she was being transported to the jail, Brock was reportedly claiming to see her children under vehicles.
Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: MS Office or Libre Office Dear Webby What is the difference between MS Office and Open Office? I have to get one of them. Which one do you recommend? Helga Dear Helga The biggest diffeernce that I can see is that you can install Open Office on a shirt pocket USB hard drive and run it from there when you plug it into any computer's USB port. And unlike Microsoft Office, it is free. With MS Office you would need to buy a license and pay annual license fees for each machine, with the free Open Office you got everything, from settings and preferences to your documents, spreadsheets and pictures on your portable hard drive or thumb drive, and basically just "borrow" the keybaord and the printer and hardware of the computer that you plug it into. The included features are about the same. Whichever one you learn, that's the one you will be good at, and that one will be your preferred choice. There is no single feature that I an think of that is available in only one of them, except maybe the ability to create PDF files. You can do that with Libre Office, but if you have MS Office, you need to shell out another $450 to get Adobe Acrobat Professional to do the same. Microsoft was going to include it, but backed off at the last minute, when Adobe threatened to sue. Seems there was more copying than inspiration involved. Since you don't have either one yet, and would not have to un-learn and trade the peculiarities of one of them for those of the other, I would recommend Libre Office. You can download it free at Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." But then she said: "I'm glad that you feel that way because tomorrow morning my mother moves in with us."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
At a nursing home in Miami, Florida, a group of Senior Citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly lift this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy,".... another went on. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he slowly shook his head. Then there was a short moment of silence. "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank God we can all still drive." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Saving Energy When Drying Clothes It's best to keep your dryer hot by running one load after another. It will help maintain your dryer's heat. It consumes the most energy while it is heating up. Clean the lint dryer between every use and don't over dry clothing. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
American vacations of the 1900's in color.
___________________________________________________ A woman with 14 children, ranging in age from one to fourteen, went to court to sue her husband for divorce on grounds of desertion. "When did he leave you?" the judge asked. "Thirteen years ago," the tired mother replied. The judge was confused. "If he left thirteen years ago, where did all these children come from?" "Well," said the woman, "he kept coming back to say he was sorry." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The young Southern belle came to the hospital for a check-up. "Have you ever been x-rayed?", asked the doctor. "Nope," she replied, "But ah've been ultra-violated a few times." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 25 in
0841 Charles the Bald and Louis the German defeated Lothar at

1080 At Brixen, a council of bishops declared Pope Gregory to be
deposed and Archbishop Guibert as antipope Clement III. 

1580 The Book of Concord was first published. The book is a
collection of doctrinal standards of the Lutheran Church. 

1658 Aurangzeb proclaimed himself emperor of the Moghuls in India. 

1767 Mexican Indians rioted as Jesuit priests were ordered home. 

1864 Union troops surrounding Petersburg, VA, began building a mine
tunnel underneath the Confederate lines. 

1867 Lucien B. Smith patented the first barbed wire. 

1868 The U.S. Congress enacted legislation granting an eight-hour
day to workers employed by the Federal government. 

1870 In Spain, Queen Isabella abdicated in favor of Alfonso XII. 

1876 Lt. Col. Custer and the 210 men of U.S. 7th Cavalry were
killed by Sioux and Cheyenne Indians at Little Big Horn in Montana.
The event is known as "Custer's Last Stand." 

1876 In Philadelphia, PA, Alexander Graham Bell demonstrated the
telephone for Sir William Thomson (Baron Kelvin) and Emperor Pedro
II of Brazil at the Centennial Exhibition. 

1906 Pittsburgh millionaire Harry Kendall Thaw, the son of coal and
railroad baron William Thaw, shot and killed Stanford White.
a prominent architect, had a tryst with Florence Evelyn Nesbit
before she married Thaw. The shooting took place at the premeire of
Mamzelle Champagne in New York. 

1910 The U.S. Congress authorized the use of postal savings stamps.

1917 The first American fighting troops landed in France. 

1920 The Greeks took 8,000 Turkish prisoners in Smyrna. 

1921 Samuel Gompers was elected head of the AFL for the 40th time. 

1938 Gaelic scholar Douglas Hyde was inaugurated as the first
president of the Irish Republic. 

1941 Finland declared war on the Soviet Union after securing help
from Germany.

1946 Ho Chi Minh traveled to France for talks on Vietnamese

1948 The Soviet Union tightened its blockade of Berlin by
intercepting river barges heading for the city. 

1950 North Korea invaded South Korea initiating the Korean War. 

1951 In New York, the first regular commercial color TV
transmissions were presented on CBS using the FCC-approved CBS
Color System. The public did not own color TV's at the time. 

1959 The Cuban government seized 2.35 million acres under a new
agrarian reform law. 

1959 Eamon De Valera became president of Ireland at the age of 76. 

1962 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the use of unofficial non-
denominational prayer in public schools was unconstitutional. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson ordered 200 naval personnel to
Mississippi to assist in finding three missing civil rights

1970 The U.S. Federal Communications Commission handed down a
ruling (35 FR 7732), making it illegal for radio stations to put
telephone calls on the air without the permission of the person
being called. 

1973 Erskine Childers Jr. became president of Ireland after the
retirement of Eamon De Valera. 

1973 White House Counsel John Dean admitted that U.S. President
Nixon took part in the Watergate cover-up. 

1975 Mozambique became independent. Samora Machel was sworn in as
president after 477 years of Portuguese rule. 

1981 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that male-only draft
registration was constitutional. 

1986 The U.S. Congress approved $100 million in aid to the Contras
fighting in Nicaragua. 

1987 Austrian President Kurt Waldheim visited Pope John Paul II at
the Vatican. The meeting was controversial due to allegations that
Waldheim had hidden his Nazi past. 

1990 The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the right of an individual,
whose wishes are clearly made, to refuse life-sustaining medical
treatment. "The right to die" decision was made in the Curzan vs.
Missouri case. 

1991 The last Soviet troops left Czechoslovakia 23 years after the
Warsaw Pact invasion. 

1991 The Yugoslav republics of Slovenia and Croatia declared their
independence from Yugoslavia. 

1993 Kim Campbell took office as Canada's first woman prime
minister. She assumed power upon the resignation of Brian Mulroney.

1997 The Russian space station Mir was hit by an unmanned cargo
vessel. Much of the power supply was knocked out and the station's
Spektr module was severely damaged. 

1997 U.S. air pollution standards were significantly tightened by
U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected the line-item veto thereby
striking down presidential power to cancel specific items in tax
and spending legislation. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that those infected with HIV are
protected by the Americans With Disabilities Act. 

1998 Microsoft's "Windows 98" was released to the public. 

1999 Germany's parliament approved a national Holocaust memorial to
be built in Berlin. 

2000 U.S. and British researchers announced that they had completed
a rough draft of a map of the genetic makeup of human beings. The
project was 10 years old at the time of the announcement. 

2000 A Florida judge approved a class-action lawsuit to be filed
against America Online (AOL) on behalf of hourly subscribers who
were forced to view "pop-up" advertisements. 

2018  smiled.

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Coping with hotels 


Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday,  June 24

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
English secondary school makes boys wear skirts 
to make transgender students feel more at home.
Today, June 24 in
1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists 
at Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I never trust people's assertions, I always judge of them by their actions. --- Ann Radcliffe (1764 - 1823) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Morris, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000. In all honesty I cannot fairly accept two bribes." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Morris saying, "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Splendid Fairy Wren _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Secondary school Oxfordshire, England English secondary school makes boys wear skirts to make transgender students feel more at home. A private secondary school in Oxfordshire, England is banning its male students from wearing shorts during the summer months, and is instead requesting that they wear a more "gender neutral" ensemble that includes that staple of men's athletic wear: The skirt. According to the Daily Mail, Chiltern Edge Secondary School's rule change comes after an unfavorable ruling by a government agency tasked with overseeing educational standards. School leaders said the skirts were a "more formal" alternative to shorts, regardless of how uncomfortable they might make male students at the school. Unsurprisingly, parents are complaining about the bizarre school dress code, which is part of a larger trend of schools adopting "gender neutral" uniforms to make transgender students feel more at home, and alienate the straight ones.
Tech Support Pits From: SueEllea Re: Coping with hotels Dear Webby In my new positon, I have to do a fair bit of traveling, and so far I don't like the computer part of it one bit. My daughter told me that you travel a lot and have written about that before. Well, you haven't, since I signed up. Hopefully the other subscribers won't be bored if you write an update on your travel tips. Thanks SueElla Dear SueElla The biggest nuisance with traveling is that most hotels use high tables and low chairs. Nobody knows why, but even hotels that claim to be business oriented and have office type swivel chairs, use ridiculously high tables. Most hotel tables come from China and just like un-hemmed bargain pants, the legs are way too long and need to be trimmed for the actually needed length. Unfortunately, that is too challenging for hotel staff. I cope with that problem by carrying a 5/16" thick piece of plexiglass trimmed to precisely fit into the lid of my big wheeled carryon. Well, nowadays I can't take it on board a plane any more and I have to check it through, but that piece of plexiglass has travelled with me for about 20 years. When I get to a hotel, I jam it into a partly opened dresser or night table drawer, and set my laptop on that. Then the separate keyboard, that I also take along, is at the perfect height for maximum typing speed while sitting in a low hotel chair. Yes, I take a regular keyboard along, with proper numeric keypad. I also take along a 5 button mouse. I am used to using the side buttons for copying and pasting. I also take along the following: Wireless DSL modem card 15 foot network cable 20 foot telephone cable Female-Female telephone cable connector Telephone line one-to-two splitter 20 foot light weight extension cord (Lamp Cord) Two 5 watt LED lightbulbs Print-out of Earthlink access numbers for the areas that I travel to. Naturally, I try to go to hotels that have wireless high- speed connections, but sometimes the room is too far away from the transmitter or the max number of people are already logged on by the time I get set up. Then old fashioned dial-up is better than nothing. I have to say that Earthlink has never let me down, even overseas, however, since their support was moved to Asia, it has deteriorated. Instead of joking with a valley girl, you are now arguing with somebody, who does not speak Engrish very well. That is why you need that print-out of all the local access numbers. Have FUN DearWebby
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A salesman of many years is tired of his job and gives it up to become a policeman. One day, while he's walking his beat, he meets an old friend who asks him how he likes his new work. "Well," says the salesman-turned-cop, "the pay is excellent and the hours aren't bad. But what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A scout for one of the leading colleges went to the office of the athletic director and announced, "Have I got an athlete for you! This guy can play every sport and excels at every position. He is absolutely the finest athlete I have ever seen play." The athletic director was very impressed but had to ask the question, "But how is he scholastically?" The scout replied, "He makes straight "A"s in every subject. However, I must tell you his "B"s are a little crooked." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Hanging Tools If you enough wall space, hang shovels and other garden tools upside down on your walls. For smaller tools, you can get a peg board that you can mount on your wall and fit with a variety of pegs and hooks and store tools that you need to have handy. You can also get mop closet organizers that grip the handles properly with soft cushion grips. That way wet tools don't drool down the handle and leave a blister causing crust, and it helps to keep the lower end of the handle from drying out and getting sloppy. A tight fitting tool tires you out a lot less. A mop handle rack with six spring loaded cusion grips is usually around $4.95 and holds anything except heavy sledge hammers. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Tiny, perfect staircases made by a secret society of French woodworkers.
___________________________________________________ As an instructor in driver education at the local area High School, I've learned that even the brightest students can become flustered behind the wheel. One day I had three beginners in the car, each scheduled to drive for 30 minutes. When the first student had completed his time, I asked him to change places with one of the others. Gripping the wheel tightly and staring straight ahead, he asked in a shaky voice, "Should I stop the car first?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Linda for this story: My wife and I are teachers, and our jobs often spill over into our family life. One morning, as our eight-year-old Maggie was getting ready for school, I peeked into her room just to be sure she had tidied it up. "You call THAT a made bed?" I asked. "No, Dad," Maggie replied. "It's just a rough draft." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 24 in
1314 Scottish forces led by Robert the Bruce won over Edward II of
England at the Battle of Bannockburn in Scotland. 

1340 The English fleet defeated the French fleet at Sluys, off the
Flemish coast. 

1497 Italian explorer John Cabot, sailing in the service of
England, landed in North America on what is now Newfoundland. 

1509 Henry VIII was crowned King of England. 

1664 New Jersey, named after the Isle of Jersey, was founded. 

1675 King Philip's War began when Indians massacre colonists at
Swansee, Plymouth colony. 

1717 The Freemasons were founded in London. 

1793 The first republican constitution in France was adopted. 

1812 Napoleon crossed the Nieman River and invaded Russia. 

1844 Charles Goodyear was granted U.S. patent #3,633 for vulcanized

1859 At the Battle of Solferino, also known as the Battle of the
Three Sovereigns, the French army led by Napoleon III defeated the
Austrian army under Franz Joseph I in northern Italy. 

1861 Federal gunboats attacked Confederate batteries at Mathias
Point, Virginia. 

1862 U.S. intervention saved the British and French at the Dagu
forts in China. 

1869 Mary Ellen "Mammy" Pleasant officially became the Vodoo Queen
in San Francisco, CA. 

1910 The Japanese army invaded Korea. 

1913 Greece and Serbia annulled their alliance with Bulgaria
following border disputes over Macedonia and Thrace. 

1931 The Soviet Union and Afghanistan signed a treaty of

1940 France signed an armistice with Italy. 

1940 TV cameras were used for the first time in a political
convention as the Republicans convened in Philadelphia, PA. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt pledged all possible support
to the Soviet Union. 

1947 Kenneth Arnold reported seeing flying saucers over Mt.
Rainier, Washington. 

1948 The Soviet Union began the Berlin Blockade. 

1955 Soviet MIG's down a U.S. Navy patrol plane over the Bering

1964 The Federal Trade Commission announced that starting in 1965,
cigarette manufactures would be required to include warnings on
their packaging about the harmful effects of smoking. 

1968 "Resurrection City," a shantytown constructed as part of the
Poor People's March on Washington D.C., was closed down by

1970 The U.S. Senate voted overwhelmingly to repeal the Gulf of
Tonkin Resolution. 

1982 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled 5-4 that no president could be
sued for damages connected with actions taken while serving as
President of the United States. 

1985 Natalia Solzhenitsyn the wife of exiled, Soviet author
Alexander Solzhenitsyn, became a U.S. citizen. 

1986 The Empire State Building was designated a National Historic

1997 The U.S. Air Force released a report titled "The Roswell
Report, Case Closed" that dismissed the claims that an alien
spacecraft had crashed in Roswell, NM, in 1947. 

1998 AT&T Corp. struck a deal to buy cable TV giant Tele-
Communications Inc. for $31.7 billion. 

1998 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 600-millionth guest. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that juries, not judges, must
make the decision to give a convicted killer the death penalty. 

2002 A painting from Monet's Waterlilies series sold for $20.2

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday,  June 23

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, 
admits to 'swerving' and being drunk
Today, June 23 in
1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an 
invention that he called a "Type-Writer." 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line is good. --- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD) Now, in reality, the world have paid too great a compliment to critics, and have imagined them to be men of much greater profundity than they really are. --- Henry Fielding (1707 - 1754) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A civil servant is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Ministry of Absorption in Jerusalem. He is taken to Hadassah hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Nu," muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ "TAKE GOOD CARE OF YOUR DEAD NEIGHBORS" If you share a home with a friend or relative, be thankful. They will give you company and support. And if you happen to die, they will miss you dearly, especially when the dishes start to pile up. Not everyone is so lucky. A 40-year-old woman in Marburg, Germany, lay dead in her apartment for more than 10 months before police found her body. The body was discovered only because the landlord cared enough to ask, "Where's my darn rent?" The woman's neighbors hadn't noticed anything strange. They had apparently assumed she was hibernating. Just like Al Gore. Such cases seem to be a major problem in Germany, where death often arrives a few months, even a few years, before the undertaker. That's partly because of the country's efficient banking system, which makes automatic bill-paying so easy, even dead people can do it. In 1998, a Hamburg man was found dead on his sofa. He had expired five years earlier, but, sitting in front of his television, he looked just as lively as most men. The only thing missing was a sign that said, "I'd get up to answer the door, but I'm dead tired." Unfortunately Germany isn't the only country where dead people are taking up valuable apartment space. Russian workers once found a man's skeletal remains in a room in a communal apartment. He had been dead for five years, but the families sharing the other rooms were too preoccupied to realize that a room was available. Even people with roommates sometimes find themselves neglected, as did 43-year-old William Everett Delaney. The Key West, Florida, man lay dead on his kitchen floor for two months. His 78-year-old roommate recalled that Delaney had fallen on the floor, but thought he was still alive, perhaps doing some close-up research on the kitchen tiles. The roommate offered to take Delaney to the hospital or get him something to eat or drink, but when Delaney didn't reply, the roommate made the only logical conclusion: Delaney was very stubborn. The 78-year-old stepped over Delaney's body for two months, probably shaking his head and thinking, "I wish he'd get up and help me clean the kitchen. It's starting to get an awful smell." Nobody deserves to die so anonymously. That's why it's important to check on your neighbors regularly, especially if they're elderly. Just knock on their doors and ask if they're OK. You: "Hello! Is anyone there?" Female neighbor (shouting from behind her door): "Whatever you're selling, we don't want any. That includes religion." You: "I'm not selling anything. I'm your neighbor. Just stopping by to make sure you aren't dead." Neighbor: "Dead? No, I don't think I'm dead. But I'm not sure about my husband. He hasn't moved from the couch since 1983. Do you think that's abnormal?" You: "Only if he isn't holding the remote." If you don't want to disturb your neighbors, keep a lookout for signs that they may have died years ago. Here are a few telltales: ---The grass around their home is so tall, the Boy Scouts want to camp there. ---Their blue Volvo has gradually turned white, getting a free paint job from the birds. ---They have a sign on their driveway that reads, "Grover Cleveland for President." ---They're still flying the confederate flag. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stormi Winters, 29 St. Johns County Jail, Florida Florida woman, clocked at 73 mph in 40 mph zone, admits to 'swerving' and being drunk A St. Johns County woman was jailed on a misdemeanor DUI charge after she was pulled over in the 1800 block of A1A in St. Augustine. Stormi Winters, 29, was stopped at 11:24 p.m. on Wednesday by a St. Johns County deputy, an arrest report said. Deputies said Winters was spotted driving erratically in her 2016 Kia on A1A. The arrest report said that Winters was speeding and "violently turning left" instead of merging. Winters was clocked going 73 mph in a 40 mph zone, deputies said. She was asked if she knew why she was pulled over, she replied, "Because I was swerving all over the road." When she was asking why she was swerving, she replied, "Because I have been drinking," the report said. Winters was texting "frantically" on her phone when she was pulled over, the arrest report said. She told deputies that she consumed "two or three" drinks at "Dunes." She was trying to get home to her 6-year-old son, the report said. Winters is being held in the St. Johns County Jail on $1,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits om: Leonard Re: Launcher Dear Webby You once mentioned a program launcher to replace shortcut icons. I use a lot of programs that I don't really want to advertise on my work machine with shortcut icons, so that launcher would be a good solution, if it is still available. Thanks Leonard Dear Leonard Yes, launchy is still available. Millions of us just love it! For those of you, who don't know about it, it is a microscopic little program that launches whatever you want, by typing the first letter or two of that program name, and hitting Enter. ALT Spacebar opens Launchy. Then you type, for example W it suggests "Word" and you hit Enter. WORD starts up, as if you had found the shortcut icon and double-clicked it. A for Ancestry. H for humor letter, and so on. If you have many programs starting with W, it shows you a list of them, for example Wordpad Weather Wikipedia You use the arrow keys to highlight the one you want, and hit ENTER. You never have to take your fingers off the keyboard and wrestle the cat for the mouse. If you type numbers, it is a calculator. There are countless different "skins" available. I use a very basic black background with a white entry line with black text. You can use the default or pick whatever "skin" you like. Just pick one and figure out what you would like instead. It would take you years to try them all. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
"Mommy, my turtle is dead," the little boy, Futh, sorrowfully told his mother, holding the turtle out to her in his hand. The mother kissed him on the head, then said," That's all right. We'll wrap him in tissue paper, put him in a little box, then have a nice burial ceremony in the back yard. After that, we'll go out for an ice cream soda, and then get you a new pet. "Ice cream?" the little boy said, wiping his tears and smiling, "Oh! Boy!" His mother said, "I don't want you...." Her voice trailed off as she noticed the turtle move. "Futh, you're turtle is not dead after all." "Oh," the disappointed boy said. "Can I kill it?"
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A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Cooking Mushrooms When cooking mushrooms, always be sure to cook them with low heat and do not allow them to cook too long. If you do, they will become tough and will shrivel. Very little additional liquid is needed, because mushrooms are ninety percent water. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
The best of People Are Awesome!
___________________________________________________ David bought his wife a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, his friend Bill asked how she was doing with it. "Oh," said David, "I persuaded her to switch to a clarinet." "How come?" Bill asked. "Well," he answered, "because with a clarinet, she can't sing, plus she can tak it with her, and annoy other people." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A Texan, a Russian and a New Yorker go into a restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but if you wanted the steak you might not get one as there is a shortage." The Texan said, "What's a shortage?" The Russian said, "What's a steak...?" The New Yorker said, "What's excuse me....?" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 23 in
1683 William Penn signed a friendship treaty with Lenni Lenape
Indians in Pennsylvania. 

1700 Russia gave up its Black Sea fleet as part of a truce with the
Ottoman Empire. 

1758 British and Hanoverian armies defeated the French at Krefeld
in Germany. 

1760 The Austrians defeated the Prussians at Landshut, Germany. 

1757 Robert Clive defeated the Indians at Plassey and won control
of Bengal. 

1836 The U.S. Congress approved the Deposit Act, which contained a
provision for turning over surplus federal revenue to the states. 

1848 A bloody insurrection of workers in Paris erupted. 

1865 Confederate General Stand Watie, who was also a Cherokee
chief, surrendered the last sizable Confederate army at Fort
Towson, in the Oklahoma Territory. 

1868 Christopher Latham Sholes received a patent for an invention
that he called a "Type-Writer." 

1884 A Chinese Army defeated the French at Bacle, Indochina. 

1902 Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Italy renewed the Triple
Alliance for a 12 year duration. 

1904 The first American motorboat race got underway on the Hudson
River in New York. 

1926 The first lip reading tournament in America was held in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 Wiley Post and Harold Gatty took off from New York on the
first round-the-world flight in a single-engine plane. 

1934 Italy gained the right to colonize Albania after defeating the

1938 The Civil Aeronautics Authority was established. 

1938 Marineland opened near St. Augustine, Florida. 

1947 The U.S. Senate joined the House in overriding President
Truman's veto of the Taft-Hartley Act. 

1951 Soviet U.N. delegate Jacob Malik proposed cease-fire
discussions in the Korean War. 

1952 The U.S. Air Force bombed power plants on Yalu River, Korea. 

1956 Gamal Abdel Nasser was elected president of Egypt. 

1966 Civil Rights marchers in Mississippi were dispersed by tear

1972 U.S. President Nixon and White House chief of staff H.R.
Haldeman discussed a plan to use the CIA to obstruct the FBI's
Watergate investigation. 

2003 Apple Computer Inc. unveiled the new Power Mac desktop

2004 The U.S. proposed that North Korea agree to a series of
nuclear disarmament measures over a three-month period in exchange
for economic benefits. 

2013 In Arizona, aerialist Nik Wallenda completed a quarter mile
tightrope walk over the Little Colorado River Gorge. 
My yellow cap is down in that gorge. 

2015 NASA's Mars Odyssey completed its 60,000th orbit around Mars.
The spacecraft entered orbit on October 23, 2001. 

2015 Verizon announced it had completed its $4.4 billion purchase
of AOL, Inc. Have not heard much about AOL since then.

2018  smiled.

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Spyware protection 


Good Morning, !
Today is Friday,  June 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family
Today, June 22 in
1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Don't stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed. --- George Burns (1896 - 1996) Washington is the only place where sound travels faster than light. --- C. V. R. Thompson "Miami was voted the worst road rage city. You have 20-year- olds doing 95, and 95-year-olds doing 20, that's why." --- Craig Ferguson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Asked by his third-grade teacher to spell "straight." The boy did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ THE MILLAU VIADUCT – RECORD FIGURES Length: 2,460 m (8,071 ft) Width: 32 m (105 ft) Maximum height: 343 m (1,125 ft), or 19 m higher than the Eiffel Tower Slope: 3.025 %, going up from north to south in the direction Clermont-Ferrand – Béziers Curve: 20 km (12.4 miles) Height of the tallest pier (P2): 245 m (804 ft) Height of the pylons: 87 m (285 ft) Number of piers: 7 Length of the spans: Two end spans of 204 m (669 ft) each and six central spans of 342 m (1,122 ft) each. Number of stays: 154 (11 pairs per pylon laid out in one mono-axial layer) Tension of the stays: from 900 t to 1,200 t for the longest Weight of the steel deck: 36,000 t, or 5 times that of the Eiffel Tower Volume of concrete: 85,000 m3, or 206,000 t Cost of the construction: 400 Million Euros (585 m USD) Contract duration: 78 years – 3 years for construction and 75 years of operations Structural guarantee: 120 years _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was suddenly and silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Oh, no he didn't. In fact, my husband just walked in the front door." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Louise Turpin, 49, David Turpin, 56, Perris, California Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family The 17-year-old girl who called police to report her allegedly abusive parents in Perris, California, said the house the family lived in smelled so badly that she could barely breathe, and she thought she and her 12 siblings might need to go to the doctor. And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911 operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house. "Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go out much." That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin, the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive in a "house of horrors." 'I've never been out': Chilling 911 call reveals abuse in Turpin family By Sonya Hamasaki and Eric Levenson, CNN Updated 4:06 AM ET, Thu June 21, 2018 Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape Play Video Surveillance shows Turpin siblings' escape 01:05 Riverside, California (CNN)The 17-year-old girl who called police to report her allegedly abusive parents in Perris, California, said the house the family lived in smelled so badly that she could barely breathe, and she thought she and her 12 siblings might need to go to the doctor. And when she struggled to remember the address of the home, the 911 operator asked her if she was around the corner from her house. "Yeah, I think," the girl said. "I've never been out. I don't go out much." That chilling 911 call was made public Wednesday as part of a preliminary hearing in the case against David and Louise Turpin, the California couple accused of holding their 13 children captive in a "house of horrors." Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Louise Turpin, left, and David Turpin, right, sit in court for a preliminary hearing on June 20, 2018. Prosecutors say the couple beat and tortured their children, kept them chained to their beds and starved them- all while the family dogs were kept clean and well-fed. They were arrested on January 14 after their 17-year-old daughter escaped from a window and called 911 on a deactivated cell phone. The Turpin siblings are comprised of six minors and seven adults, ranging in age from 2 years old to 29. David Turpin, 56, and Louise Turpin, 49, pleaded not guilty to more than 40 charges, including torture, false imprisonment, abuse of a dependent adult and child abuse. David Turpin also pleaded not guilty to one count of lewd conduct with a minor. Despite the horror of the 911 call, the girl's voice sounded remarkably calm and clear while relating her experience. But the call, as well as police who responded to the scene, provided several disturbing new details from the home and the degree to which the parents controlled their children's lives. "I can't breathe because of how dirty the house is," the Turpin daughter said on the call. "We don't take baths. I don't know if we need to go to the doctor." Accounts of abuse and starvation Other Turpin children told investigators they were abused. A 14-year-old girl said Louise Turpin threw her down the stairs when she was caught in her mom's room, investigator Brett Rooker of the Riverside County Sheriff's Office testified. "She said she was terrified of her mother," he said. An 11-year-old girl said that Louise Turpin would often punch them with a closed fist and hit her with an open hand, Riverside County Deputy Sheriff Daniel Brown testified. The girl said that sometimes, her mother pulled her hair so forcefully it would lift her off the ground, Brown said. The girl said she was "always hungry," he further testified. The children were fed jalapeno baloney sandwiches while the parents ate Jersey Mike's, pizza and fries, he said. The girl said Louise Turpin would buy apple juice but the children weren't allowed to drink it. She kept pie in the fridge or pantry until it became moldy and then threw it away. A doctor who treated the family said the 11-year-old girl was in the worst condition when the examined her, Patrick Morris, Supervising Investigator for Riverside County District Attorney, testified. She had a body weight percentile of .01 and her mid arm circumference was equal to that of a 4.5-month-old baby, Morris testified. The doctor said she had psychosocial dwarfism, stunted growth due to living in an environment that is abusive or neglected. The 15-year-old boy had difficulty walking, vitamin D deficiency, and visible scoliosis. He told the doctor that he wanted to kill animals and could predict the future, Morris testified. The 17-year-old Turpin daughter who made the 911 call weighed about 97 pounds with a BMI of 2.2% when doctors first examined her, Morris said. In other parts of the call, told the operator that her parents were abusive and had chained up two of her sisters, and that she thought her father had guns in the house. She also said she hadn't taken a bath in almost a year. Riverside Deputy Manuel Campos, who responded to the 911 call, testified on Wednesday that the girl appeared much younger than 17. "She appears not to bathe regularly," he also said. "There was odor emitting from her body of one that doesn't bathe regularly." The girl was shaking on the call and "scared to death" from the daring escape out of the window, Campos said. She said that she was kept in the room with her sisters for about 20 hours a day, and that she was only allowed to leave the room to eat, use the restroom and brush her teeth, Campos said. If she broke the rules, she would be disciplined in the form of knocking on the head, pulling of hair, or being smacked in the face. After she watched a Justin Bieber video on a cell phone, her mother choked her, she told Campos. In addition to the physical abuse, there was a sexual incident with her father, the girl told police. She said her father pulled her pants down, grabbed her and put her on his lap. She tried to push him away, and pulled her pants up, Campos said. He also tried to force kisses on her mouth, she told Campos, and this happened about 10 times. The girl said her father told her not to tell anyone, Campos said. They remain in custody in lieu of $12 million bail each after pleading not guilty to all of their charges.
Tech Support Pits om: Pat Re: Spyware Protection Dear Webby love your Humor Letter and was wondering if you could help you know what the best spyware protection to run on your computer..I am haveing problems and don't know what to get. Thanks Pat Dear Pat I use Spybot-Search&Destroy from the right side menu in the Humor Letter. That one is free. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman in my office who had recently divorced after years of marriage, signed up for a refresher CPR course. "Is it hard to learn?" someone asked. "Not at all," my co-worker replied. "Basically you're asked to breathe life into a dummy. I don't expect to have any problem. I did that for 12 years."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Linda is taking the driving portion of her driver's license exam. She handles most of the maneuvers quite well. She has a little trouble parallel parking, however, and winds up a couple of feet from the curb. "Could you get a little closer?" the examiner asks. The blonde then unbuckles her seat belt and slides over toward the examiner. "Now what?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Removing Seafood Odors From Hands To remove seafood odor from your hands after dealing with boiled shrimp, crab, fish, etc., simply sprinkle salt onto wet hands, rub and rinse. No more odors. Lemon juice also works well for removing seafood smells. By Patricia Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Where is your fernweh? My longing is for Cades Cove in the Great Smoky Mountains. The first and only time I visited it I cried all the way through because it felt like I had "come home." I also have a longing for Scotland, Ireland and England, and have always felt I didn't belong in this time period either.
___________________________________________________ HOW CAN A STRANGER TELL IF TWO PEOPLE ARE MARRIED? You might have to guess, based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids. --- Derrick, age 8 WHAT DO YOU THINK YOUR MOM AND DAD HAVE IN COMMON? Both don't want any more kids. --- Lori, age 8 IS IT BETTER TO BE SINGLE OR MARRIED? It's better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them. --- Anita, age 9 HOW WOULD THE WORLD BE DIFFERENT IF PEOPLE DIDN'T GET MARRIED? There sure would be a lot of kids to explain, wouldn't there? --- Kelvin, age 8 ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A fellow got up one Saturday morning with the odd feeling that something about this day was to be different. Something unusual WAS about to happen today. He glanced out the window at the thermometer: 33 degrees. He went downstairs - the clock had stopped at 3 o'clock. He picked up the newspaper and read the date: the 3rd of the month. Threes - that was it! He grabbed the paper and flipped it open to the racing section. Sure enough in the 3rd race, there was a horse named Trio! The fellow hurried to the bank, drew out his life savings and bet it all on the horse to win. The horse finished 3rd. ____________________________________________________

Today, June 22 in
1558 The French took the French town of Thioville from the English.

1611 English explorer Henry Hudson, his son and several other
people were set adrift in present-day Hudson Bay by mutineers. 

1772 Slavery was outlawed in England. 

1807 British seamen board the USS Chesapeake, a provocation leading
to the War of 1812. 

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte abdicated a second time. 

1832 J.I. Howe patented the pin machine. 

1874 Dr. Andrew Taylor Still began the first known practice of

1909 The first transcontinental auto race ended in Seattle, WA. 

1911 King George V of England was crowned. 

1915 Austro-German forces occupied Lemberg on the Eastern Front as
the Russians retreat. 

1925 France and Spain agreed to join forces against Abd el Krim in

1933 Germany became a one political party country when Hitler
banned parties other than the Nazis. 

1939 The first U.S. water-ski tournament was held at Jones Beach,
on Long Island, New York. 

1940 France and Germany signed an armistice at Compiegne, on terms
dictated by the Nazis. 

1941 Under the codename Barbarossa, Germany invaded the Soviet

1942 A Japanese submarine shelled Fort Stevens at the mouth of the
Columbia River. 

1942 V-Mail, or Victory-Mail, was sent for the first time. 

1944 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the "GI Bill of
Rights" to provide broad benefits for veterans of the war. 

1945 During World War II, the battle for Okinawa officially ended
after 81 days. 

1946 Jet airplanes were used to transport mail for the first time. 

1956 The battle for Algiers began as three buildings in Casbah were
blown up. 

1964 The U.S. Supreme Court voted that Henry Miller's book, "Tropic
of Cancer", could not be banned. 

1970 U.S. President Richard Nixon signed an extension of the Voting
Rights Act of 1965. It required that the voting age in the United
States to be 18. 

1973 Skylab astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific after a
record 28 days in space. 

1974 In Chicago, the Sears Tower Skydeck opened. (After 9/11 Sears
got scared and evacuated. It is now the Willis Tower) 

1978 James W. Christy and Robert S. Harrington discovered the only
known moon of Pluto. The moon is named Charon. 

1980 The Soviet Union announced a partial withdrawal of its forces
from Afghanistan. 

1989 The government of Angola and the anti-Communist rebels of the
UNITA movement agreed to a formal truce in their 14-year-old civil

1990 Checkpoint Charlie was dismantled in Berlin. 

1992 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that hate-crime laws
that ban cross-burning and similar expressions of racial bias
violated free-speech rights. 

1998 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that evidence illegally obtained
by authorities could be used at revocation hearings for a convicted
criminal's parole. 

1998 The 75th National Marbles Tournament began in Wildwood, NJ. 

1999 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that persons with remediable
handicaps cannot claim discrimination in employment under the
Americans with Disability Act. 

2009 Eastman Kodak Company announced that it would discontinue
sales of the Kodachrome Color Film.

2018  smiled.

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Fake INTERAC spams 


Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday,  June 21
Longest day of the year!
That always makes me sad. The weather is going to get hotter,
but the days will get shorter. I don't really work outside much
anymore, it's just a hang over from my youth. Oh, well, I will get
over it by December 21, when the days will get longer again.

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 
15-year-old customer's heroin overdose
Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales.

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Wisdom is what's left after we've run out of personal opinions. --- Cullen Hightower Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) The difference between a job and a career is the difference between forty and sixty hours a week." --- Robert Frost ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and said, "I sent my daughter in here for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales." The baker looked at her calmly and replied, "Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wilson's bird-of-paradise _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ When I stopped the bus to pick up Chris for preschool, I noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" I asked. "Yes," Chris said. "She's visiting." "How nice," I said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we need her, we just go out there and get her." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Austin Cooper, 21, Willingboro, New Jersey NJ Dealer charged with homicide after 15-year-old customer's heroin overdose A suspected heroin dealer was charged with homicide on Monday after one of his customers a 15-year-old girl fatally overdosed just after Christmas last year. Austin Cooper, 21, of Willingboro, was charged with first-degree strict liability for drug-induced death, the Burlington County Prosecutor's Office said in a statement. On December 26, a family member found Madison McDonald unresponsive at her home in Evesham Township's Marlton section. She was barely alive and transported to Virtua Marlton Hospital, and later flown to Children's Hospital of Philadelphia. She died on December 28. Authorities investigating McDonald's death found that Cooper delivered 10 bags of heroin to the home before she died. He was charged at the time possessing and dealing heroin. Burlington County Prosecutor Scott Coffina has pledged to "aggressively" pursue the strict liability charge when possible in prosecution, to help fight the opioid epidemic. On that charge, a dealer can face 10 to 20 years in state prison, as opposed to three to five years for drug distribution.
Tech Support Pits From: Ana Re: Interac Dear Webby I keep getting these emails looking like they are from Interac claiming that somebody, whose name I have never heard of, had sent me money. Well, nobody ever sends money to me, so I just let MailWasher dump it. Mailwasher flags it as bad. Is there the slightest chance that one of Hillary's buddies is trying to send me money to mess with the next election? I doubt it. So, what is that stuff? Ana Dear Ana Trust MailWasher. It is just spam from Russia. I get it too. It LOOKS like an Interac notice, but with wacky spelling in the hidden header. Just let MailWasher dump it, and most definitely don't click on anything in those fake Interac notices. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A tractor salesman was passing a farm, where the farmer was plowing the field with a bull. He goes over and offers to sell the farmer a tractor to plow with. The farmer tells him "I don't need a tractor, I have three new ones at the barn" Well if you have three new tractors at the barn, why are you plowing this field with that bull, asked the salesman ? The farmer replied, "This is part of the bulls continuing education. I am teaching him that there is more to farming than messing with cows and tearing down fences.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Doctor!" said the woman as she loudly bounced into the room, "I want you to tell me very frankly what's wrong with me." He surveyed her from head to foot. "Madam," he said at length, "I've just three things to tell you." "First, you need to lose at least twenty pounds. Second, you should use about one tenth as much rouge and lipstick. And third, I'm an artist - the doctor's office is on the next floor." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Beans Without Gas You can reduce gas from eating beans by boiling beans for 1/2 hour, rinsing, and soaking for several more hours. This methods works because triglycerides soak out and get discarded. I rinse beans multiple times, even canned ones. By Rose Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Secret doomsday shelters......
___________________________________________________ Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When an express train to London made an unscheduled stop at Reading, the philosopher, C.E.M. Joad, climbed aboard. "You¹ve got to get off sir," the guard told him, "this train doesn¹t stop here." Replied Joad, "In that case, don't worry. If it didn't stop here, I didn't get on it." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 21 in
1404 Owain Glyndwr established a Welsh Parliament at Machynlleth
and was crowned Prince of Wales. 

1788 The U.S. Constitution went into effect when New Hampshire
became the ninth state to ratify it. 

1834 Cyrus McCormick patented the first practical mechanical reaper
for farming. His invention allowed farmers to more than double
their crop size. 

1859 Andrew Lanergan received the first rocket patent. 

1893 The Ferris Wheel was introduced at the World's Columbian
Exposition in Chicago, IL. 

1913 Georgia Broadwick became the first woman to jump from an

1937 In Paris, Leon Blum's Popular Front Cabinet resigned. 

1938 In Washington, U.S. President Roosevelt signed the $3.75
billion Emergency Relief Appropriation Act. 

1941 German troops entered Russia on a front from the Arctic to
Black Sea. 

1945 Pan Am announced an 88-hour round-the-world flight at a cost
of $700. 

1954 The American Cancer Society reported significantly higher
death rates among cigarette smokers than among non-smokers. 

1958 In Arkansas, a federal judge let Little Rock delay school

1958 Linus Pauling and Detlev Bronke, both Americans, were elected
to the Soviet Academy of Science. 

1963 France announced that they were withdrawing from the North
Atlantic NATO fleet. 

1973 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states may ban materials
found to be obscene according to local standards. 

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court decided that pregnant teachers could no
longer be forced to take long leaves of absence. 

1985 Scientists announced that skeletal remains exhumed in Brazil
were those of Nazi war criminal Josef Mengele. 

1989 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that burning the American flag as
a form of political protest was protected by the First Amendment. 

2001 Former Haitian Army colonel Carl Dorelien taken into custody
in Port St. Lucie. Dorelien had been in exile since 1994 when he
was sentenced to life in prison for his role in a 1994 massacre. 

2003 The fifth Harry Potter book, "Harry Potter and the Order of
the Phoenix," was published by J.K. Rowling. shipped out
more than one million copies on this day making the day the largest
distribution day of a single item in e-commerce history. The book
set sales records around the world with an estimated 5 million
copies were sold on the first day. 

2004 SpaceShipOne, designed by Burt Rutan and piloted by Mike
Melvill, reached 328,491 feet above Earth in a 90 minute flight.
The height is about 400 feet above the distance scientists consider
to be the boundary of space.

2018  smiled.

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Any allowance for autoresponders? 


Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday,  June 20

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Police find suspected burglar hiding 
under bed with legs poking out
Today, June 20 in
1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 
Still works fine.

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I'm still an atheist, thank God. --- Luis Bunuel (1900 - 1983) I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. --- Margaret Thatcher (1925 - ), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Schwartz goes to see his Rabbi. He says, "Rabbi, I think my wife is poisoning me." The Rabbi says, "I'll tell you what...let me talk to her. I'll see what I can find out and I'll let you know." A week later the Rabbi calls Schwartz and says, "I spoke to your wife on the phone for four hours, or rather listened to her for four hours." Schwartz says, Do you have any advice?" The Rabbi says, "Yeah. Take the poison." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now but our computer's down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week but you can't go back as humans. What'll it be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing. The week's a freebie." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. St. Peter answered, "He's on a snow tire somewhere in Tasmania." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jan Sivak, Calderdale, England Todays Bonehead Award: Police find suspected burglar hiding under bed with legs poking out If you’re going to hide from the police, perhaps it would be wise to make sure your legs aren’t sticking out from beneath your bed. Burglary suspect Jan Sivak didn’t follow this advice and was snapped with his feet hanging out at his home in Halifax. West Yorkshire Police then posted the picture on social media with the caption: ‘He will not be winning any awards for hide-and-seek champion soon.’ Sivak, from Halifax, had gone on the run after failing to surrender to bail at Bradford Magistrates Court on Tuesday. He had been accused of stealing £4,500 in cash from a fish and chip shop. After he was caught he eventually appeared in court and admitted failing to surrender, which he received a 14 day sentence for. Gulfraz Khan, defending, said Sivak had tried to get to court on the day of his appearance but was unsuccessful. Sivak pleaded not guilty to burglary of a non-dwelling and was remanded into custody until July 28 for trial at Bradford Crown Court.
Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Is there any allowance for auto-responders? Dear Webby I can understand that with your volume of mail you consider autoresponders a silly and unnhecessary nuisance. I use Hoitmail and Yahoo mail, and as you probably know, they are a bit flakey and one never knkows if mail to me actually got through. Woould an auto-responder be OK in my case, telling people that their mail did get to me and will be answered soon? Brenda Dear Brenda Get Gmail. It is free, and very reliable. I have used it since it got started, and have not lost any mail. Some got accidentally sorted into the spam or trash folder, but it DID arrive. Using an autoresponder because you are sleeping or on the potty is silly. If somebody expects an instant reply, then you should tell them to get a life and consider that other people have lives too! I answer mail at all times of day or night. Depending on the time zone, people might be sleeping or cooking or shopping or working away from their computer. So, what? Sooner or later they will see my mail, and that will be soon enough. I also know that many people use their employer's computer for their email. If their address has the domain of some company, then I know not to expect answers on the weekend. I do NOT need an autoresponder telling me that Ms Hortensia Buttflower will return to work on Monday. The same probably applies to you and your contacts. If you don't reply instantly, the smarter ones will realize that you might be working on something else, or sleeping. Once you get Gmail or any reliable mail, forget about having to be a nuisance. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A lady was taking her time browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the homeowner, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," the homeowner replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just fell off the roof and broke both his legs, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Sweetening Whipped Cream Sweeten homemade whipped cream with Confectioner's (powdered) sugar instead of granulated sugar, if you like sweet whipped cream. The cream will hold its shape better, and be fluffier. By Nancy Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Illusions that make you question your eyesight.
___________________________________________________ The priest was passing a group of young teens sitting on the church lawn and stopped to ask what they were doing. "Nothing much, father," replied one boy. "We were just seeing who can tell the biggest lie about their sex life." "Boys, boys, boys!" he scolded. "I'm shocked. When I was your age, I never even thought about sex." In unison they all replied, "You win!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Stopping to pick up my daughter at kindergarten, I found out that the topic of "Show and Tell" that day had been parents' occupations. The teacher pulled me aside. Whispering, she advised, "You might want to explain a little bit more to your daughter what you do for a living." I work as a training consultant and often conduct my seminars in motel conference rooms. When I asked why, the teacher explained, "Your daughter told the class she wasn't sure what you did, but said you got dressed real pretty and went to work at motels." ____________________________________________________

Today, June 20 in
0451 Roman and Barbarian warriors brought Attila's army to a halt
at the Catalaunian Plains in eastern France. 

1397 The Union of Kalmar united Denmark, Sweden, and Norway under
one monarch. 

1756 In India, 150 British soldiers were imprisoned in a cell that
became known as the "Black Hole of Calcutta." 

1782 The U.S. Congress approved the Great Seal of the United

1791 King Louis XVI of France was captured while attempting to flee
the country in the so-called Flight to Varennes. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a cotton gin patent. He received the
patent on March 14. The cotton gin initiated the American mass-
production concept. 

1837 Queen Victoria ascended the British throne following the death
of her uncle, King William IV. 

1863 The National Bank of Philadelphia in Philadelphia, PA, became
the first bank to receive a charter from the U.S. Congress. 

1898 The U.S. Navy seized the island of Guam enroute to the
Phillipines to fight the Spanish. 

1910 Mexican President Porfirio Diaz proclaimed martial law and
arrested hundreds. 

1923 France announced it would seize the Rhineland to assist
Germany in paying its war debts. That did not go mover well.

1928 Washburn-Crosby Company merged with 26 other mills to become
General Mills. 

1941 The U.S. Army Air Forces was established, replacing the Army
Air Corps. The Army Air Forces were abolished with the creation of
the United States Air Force in 1947. 

1943 Race-related rioting erupted in Detroit. Federal troops were
sent in two days later to end the violence that left more than 30

1947 Benjamin "Bugsy" Siegel was murdered in Beverly Hills, CA, at
the order of mob associates angered over the soaring costs of his
project, the Flamingo resort in Las Vegas, NV. 

1963 The United States and Soviet Union signed an agreement to set
up a hot line communication link between the two countries. 

1967 Muhammad Ali was convicted in Houston of violating Selective
Service laws by refusing to be drafted. The U.S. Supreme Court
later overturned the conviction. 

1977 The Trans-Alaska Pipeline began operation. 

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to a massive settlement in
exchange for major relief from mounting lawsuits and legal bills. 

2002 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that the execution of mentally
retarded murderers was unconstitutionally cruel. The vote was 6 in
favor and 3 against. 

2018  smiled.

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Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday,  June 19

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused 
of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room
Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A true friend is the greatest of all blessings, and that which we take the least care of all to acquire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny was in his math class one day when the teacher singled him out. "If I gave you $200," the teacher began, "and you gave $50 to Mary, $50 to Sally and $50 to Susan, what would you have?" "Well, it sure would be no orgy!" Johnny answered, "Helen, my girlfriend, would bust my skull for that!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ had been misbehaving and was sent to bed. After a while emerged and informed mother that had thought it over and then said a prayer. "Fine", said the pleased mother. "If you ask God to help you about your misbehaving, He will help you." "Oh, I don't need help with misbehavin' ", said . "I asked Him to help me not to get caught quite so much." ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Geiselle Stevenson, 31, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Woman called 'Asian Persuasion' accused of robbing man in his W OKC hotel room Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. It happened at the Ramada at 2200 S. Meridian. Police say the suspect whose real name is Geiselle Stevenson helped men ambush the victim. The victim was staying at the hotel from out of town. He told police he went to pick her up at her apartment at the 10 West Apartments and took her back to his room. When he opened the door, he told police two men came up behind him and forced him into the room at gunpoint. The three of them made off with his clothing and cash, and yanked the gold chain he was wearing around his neck. Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" on the street, who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. They escaped in a gray Chevy Impala with a "Jesus" sticker on the back. The victim told police it was Stevenson, describing the tattoos on her face and the gem studs in her cheeks. Police are looking for a woman who goes by the name "Asian Persuasion" who they say helped rob a man at a hotel. She has a number of previous arrests. Back in March, Stevenson was in the news after police say she tried to steal a woman's purse in a motel parking lot. Then, she was caught trying to sneak into a man's room before he slammed the door in her face. She did end up inside another victim's room. The robbers stole four pairs of the victim's Jordan sneakers totaling about $840 and a $600 gold chain, among other belongings, according to the report. One of the men, whom police identified as Dennico Henderson, 25, held the victim at gun point with a .40-caliber semiautomatic pistol while the other man and Asian Persuasion went through the victim's belongings, according to the report. Police impounded the Chevy Impala. They are still looking for Stevenson. Henderson, the gunman, was arrested and released on bail.
Tech Support Pits From: Lollytoo Re: Unavailable Hello, I am unavailable to read your message at this time Lollytoo Dear Lollytoo You don't really have to tell me each time when you are busy playing with yourself. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she commented, "I don't think that is going to help." "Sure it does," he said. "It's the only way I can see the numbers"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A new miracle doctor was in town. He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was amazed with what he can do. Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch. So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he wasn't anybody special. "Hey, doc, I have lost my sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin' to do?" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little, then tells Mr. Smith, "What you need is jar number 43." Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders. So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it. He tastes it and immediately spits it out, "This is gross!" he yells. "I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the doctor. That will be $100. So Mr. Smith goes home very mad. One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!" The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith: "What you need is jar number 43..." Before the doctor finished his sentence, Mr. Smith fled the office. ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Keeping Tupperware Unstained In order to keep your Tupperware looking new, try this. Spray your Tupperware with nonstick cooking spray before pouring in tomato based sauces. There won't be any stains, it should all just wash out. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
When dentures used real human teeth.
___________________________________________________ Q: How can I avoid always being handed other peoples' drooling brats? A: Drop one or two. Keep your hands in your pockets when they try to foist them on you. That method really works! ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A man and his wife were planning a vacation. They ended up in an argument, though..."It's 'Hawaii', I'm telling you!" she said. "I never KNEW someone so stubborn! 'Havaii' is how it's pronounced!" he replied. And so it went all the way to the vacation... As they got off the airplane, they passed a man. The husband abruptly stopped the wife and turned to the man to ask, "Now that we're on the island, you can settle an argument between my wife and me. Is this'Hawaii' or 'Havaii?'" "This is Havaii," the man replied. "Ha!" the husband gloated, turning to his wife. "See, didn't I tell you never to argue with me? I'm alllll-ways right!" As they began to walk away, he turned back and gave the man a hearty "Thank you!" "You're Velcome!!!" ____________________________________________________

Today, June 19 in
0240 BC Eratosthenes calculated the circumference of the Earth
using the length of the shadow of his walking stick at two
locations, and trigonometry. He was quite accurate.

1586 English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, after
failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in

1778 U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left Valley
Forge after a winter of training. 

1821 The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani. 

1846 The New York Knickerbocker Club played the New York Club in
the first baseball game at the Elysian Field, Hoboken, NJ. It was
the first organized baseball game. 

1862 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation
Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 

1864 The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg,

1865 The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 

1873 Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse named
"Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24 stereoscopic
cameras. This is considered the first step toward motion pictures. 

1903 The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed under
investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 

1910 The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington. 

1911 In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board was

1912 The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 

1917 During World War I, King George V ordered the British royal
family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 

1933 France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 

1934 The U.S. Congress established the Federal Communications
Commission (FCC). The commission was to regulate radio and TV

1937 The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces. 

1939 In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed
pinball machines in the city. 

1942 Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21-year-old
neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced in June
of 1946. 

1942 British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in
Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with U.S.
President Roosevelt. 

1943 Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen. 

1944 The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the
Imperial Japanese fleet. 

1951 U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Universal Military
Training and Service Act, which extended Selective Service until
July 1, 1955 and lowered the draft age to 18. 

1958 In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a
congressional committee's questions on communism. 

1961 Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 

1961 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in Maryland's
constitution that required state officeholders to profess a belief
in God. 

1964 The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving an
83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 

1965 Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's youngest
premier at age 34. 

1968 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor
People's Campaign. 

1973 The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S. involvement
in Southeast Asia. 

1973 Pete Rose (Cincinnati Reds) got his 2,000th career hit. 

1973 The stage production of "The Rocky Horror Picture Show" opened
in London. 

1973 Gordie Howe left the NHL to join his sons Mark and Marty in
the WHA (World Hockey League). 

1978 Garfield was in newspapers around the U.S. for the first time.

1981 "Superman II" set the all-time, one-day record for theater
box-office receipts when it took in $5.5 million. 

1981 The European Space Agency sent two satellites into orbit from
Kourou, French Guiana. 

1983 Lixian-nian was chosen to be China's first president since

1987 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down the Louisiana law that
required that schools teach creationism. 

1989 The movie "Batman" premiered. 

1998 Gateway was fined more than $400,000 for illegally shipping
personal computers to 16 countries subject to U.S. export controls.

1998 A study released said that smoking more than doubles risks of
developing dementia and Alzheimer's. 

1998 Switzerland's three largest banks offered $600 million to
settle claims they'd stolen the assets of Holocaust victims during
World War II. Jewish leaders called the offer insultingly low. 

2000 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that a group prayer led by
students at public-school football games violated the 1st
Amendment's principle that called for the separation of church and

2018  smiled.

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Bacdjking up to the cloud 


Good Morning, !
Today is Monday,  June 18

Have FUN!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Homeowner Returns From Work, 
Interrupts Pot And Cake Party
Today, June 18 in
1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against 
Great Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

More of today in history at HIstory
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799) Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Teach a man to create an artificial shortage of fish and he will eat steak. --- Jay Leno ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A van carrying a dozen movie stuntmen on the way to a film location in the mountains of Alberta spun out of control on the icy road, crashed through a guard-rail, rolled down a 1200-foot embankment, landed on it's roof, and burst into flames. There were no injuries. One of them yelled: "Let's do it again!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Linda for this picture: Plitvice Lakes in Croatia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
_____________________________________________________ A driver who was bringing a meticulously prepared and pre-dented bus to a location in New York City for an on-location movie shoot, was too early and drove to a nearby restaurant to wait there. Just to be funny, he carefully lined up the artificial dent at the front with a light pole. When he came back out of the restaurant, there were eight passengers in the bus, moaning and groaning and "Oy-vey-it's me" ing about whiplash and talking to their lawyers on their cellphones. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jeremiah Garib, 19, Morganfield, Kentucky Homeowner Returns From Work, Interrupts Pot And Cake Party Four Union County residents have been accused of breaking into a woman's house, smoking marijuana, baking a cake and stealing a pair of shoes. It happened around 3 p.m. Monday on East Houston Street, according to 'The Gleaner.' The Morganfield Police Department says a resident came home from work to find Jeremiah Garib, 19, Xavion R. Elkins, 20, and two juveniles running out of her house. Officials said the resident was able to positively identify Garib as an acquaintance of her son, who was not home. MPD Chief Geoffrey Deibler said Garib, Elkins and the juveniles did not have permission to be in the dwelling. Police said after looking around the house, the owner discovered that she'd interrupted a party of sorts with cake, ice cream, and marijuana. "When the individuals broke into the home they had baked a cake, and were preparing to eat the cake and some ice cream when the homeowner returned home from work," a news release said. "Upon fleeing they had left some marijuana residue inside the home and the smell of smoked marijuana was in the air." In a later interview with The Gleaner, Chief Deibler said the group apparently couldn't find icing so they opened a jar of homemade jam and were using it to ice the cake. Garib had allegedly left his shirt and loafers behind, but had taken the time to grab a pair of the resident's son's shoes, Deibler said. When Garib allegedly left the house, he went to a local business called Theramax on North Court Street. There he hid some marijuana that had been "packaged for sale" in a trash can, Deibler said. Two were arrested and face charges.
Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Cloud Backup, again Dear Webby, Good Morning: I was wondering if you have had a chance to consider my question about cloud backup. I am presently backing up to two external drives using "EaseUS ToDo". I find this to be less than satisfactory, because I still lose data. The original email appears below. Thanks again. Bill Hi Bill I answered you on June 14. Look for the one where I mentioned Xcopy. To: Subject: Re: Cloud Backup Are you blocking me or sending me to your SPAM folder? Here it is again: ================================== Hi Bill By using an intelligent method to backing up, you can save yourself a lot of money. For example, Windows is stashed on a hidden partition and can be re-installed from there. If the hard drive fails, you can get it again from the manufacturer. Most programs you can download again and re-install, if you have saved the download URL and your registration or serial number. You can print those. Do that with everything, except the stuff you have created or received. That will actually be very little and will easily fit into a free Google Cloud back-up. You can even put it onto a thumb drive or camera chip. You can use a DOS bat using xcopy, the world's most powerful "program". With xcopy you just copy what is newer at the source than at the destination, a trick that saves a lot of time and space. Make a plain text list of what you want to back up. then write a "bat" using that list and pasting xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z in the front of each line, and at the end a space and the destination. An example line would be: xcopy /D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z C:\Program Files (x86)\Qualcomm\Eudora\*.* I:\alpha\eudora I: in this case is the camera chip, that you use for back-up. Once you got all the goodies listed like that, save the file as back.bat Find the file with the file explorer, and make a shortcut icon for it, and drag that to the desktop. Now, every time you swat that shortcut, it will check all items in your list to see what is newer on the computer than on the camera chip. It won't waste time on stuff, that is not newer, and just back up what is newer. You can, of course, use two camera chips, one to be in your safety deposit box, and the other in a chip reader, and once a month you swap the chips. All those "switches" (/D /E /C /H /I /O /R /Y /Z) are optional. You can read up on them here, but no need to study and memorize them. Just use them the way I got them in the example. You can, of course, use different ones. Up to you. XCOPY source [destination] [/A | /M] [/D[:date]] [/P] [/S [/E]] [/V] [/W] [/C] [/Q] [/F] [/L] [/G] [/H] [/R] [/T] [/U] [/K] [/N] [/O] [/X] [/Y] [/-Y] [/Z]
[/EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]...] source Specifies the file(s) to copy. destination Specifies the location and/or name of new files. /A Copies only files with the archive attribute set, doesn't change the attribute. /M Copies only files with the archive attribute set, turns off the archive attribute. /D:m-d-y Copies files changed on or after the specified date. If no date is given, copies only those files whose source time is newer than the destination time. /EXCLUDE:file1[+file2][+file3]... Specifies a list of files containing strings. Each string should be in a separate line in the files. When any of the strings match any part of the absolute path of the file to be copied, that file will be excluded from being copied. For example, specifying a string like \obj\ or .obj will exclude all files underneath the directory obj or all files with the .obj extension respectively. /P Prompts you before creating each destination file. /S Copies directories and subdirectories except empty ones. /E Copies directories and subdirectories, including empty ones. Same as /S /E. May be used to modify /T. /V Verifies the size of each new file. /W Prompts you to press a key before copying. /C Continues copying even if errors occur. /I If destination does not exist and copying more than one file, assumes that destination must be a directory. /Q Does not display file names while copying. /F Displays full source and destination file names while copying. /L Displays files that would be copied. /G Allows the copying of encrypted files to destination that does not support encryption. /H Copies hidden and system files also. /R Overwrites read-only files. /T Creates directory structure, but does not copy files. Does not include empty directories or subdirectories. /T /E includes empty directories and subdirectories. /U Copies only files that already exist in destination. /K Copies attributes. Normal Xcopy will reset read- only attributes. /N Copies using the generated short names. /O Copies file ownership and ACL information. /X Copies file audit settings (implies /O). /Y Suppresses prompting to confirm you want to overwrite an existing destination file. /-Y Causes prompting to confirm you want to overwrite an existing destination file. /Z Copies networked files in restartable mode. /B Copies the Symbolic Link itself versus the target of the link. /J Copies using unbuffered I/O. Recommended for very large files. Instead of a camera chip, you can, of course, also back up onto Google Drive, Microsoft Drive, BackBlaze, whatever. Entirely up to you. The major advantage is that Xcopy is extremely fast, since it does not waste time on files, that are not new since the last back-up. That greatly reduces the chance of a power bump or impatient shut- down while a back-up is still in progress. =========================== From: Darlene Re: SecurityCenter.FirewallDisableNotify Good Morning, DearWebby This is in reply to Don and removing the Firewall Disable notify from his Spybot. I had the same problem all the time and finally I right clicked on it when it appeared in the remove panel and then clicked on DO NOT CHECK FOR THIS and it stopped coming up all the time. Have a super day and thanks again for the great humour letter Darlene Dear Darlene yes, that certainly works, and with that particular item is quite safe to use. You can also tell it not to worry about navigational cookies for your bank, telephone company Amazon, and other legitimate places. Have FUN DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
From Shirley: Sensational warnings spawned south of the border WASHINGTON (AP) - An odd-looking Canadian quarter with a bright red flower was the culprit behind a false espionage warning from the U.S. Defense Department about mysterious coins with radio frequency transmitters, The Associated Press has learned. The harmless ''poppy quarter'' was so unfamiliar to suspicious U.S. army contractors travelling in Canada that they filed confidential espionage accounts about them. The worried contractors described the coins as ''filled with something man-made that looked like nano-technology,'' according to once classified U.S. government reports and e-mails obtained by the AP. The silver-coloured 25-cent piece features the red image of a poppy, Canada's flower of remembrance and support for the troops, inlaid over a maple leaf.. .......... Shirley Dear Shirley We don't just have Support The Troops quarters with the red poppy, we also have Breast Cancer Quarters with the pink ribbon. This one is a bit worn, but the only one I had in my wallet today. Ask your friends to click on the pretty link to the Breast Cancer Site in the right side menu! Give them a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter to make sure they click. Last time I looked you and others who clicked on the breast cancer site button funded 12.1 mammograms for women who could not afford one. That is awesome! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Potato Storage To keep potatoes from budding, place a small apple in the bag with the potatoes. You should also store them in a dark, cool location and keep them away from onions, to avoid moldy potatoes and onions. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Let's snoop around F. Scott Fitzgerald's French Villa
___________________________________________________ An ancient classic: A woman suspects her husband is cheating on her. One day, she dials her home and a strange woman answers. The woman says, " Who is this?" "This is the maid," answered the woman. "We don't have a maid," said the woman. The maid says, "I was hired this morning by the man of the house." The woman says, "Well, this is his wife. Is he there?" The maid replied, "He is upstairs in the bedroom with someone who I figured was his wife." The woman is fuming. she says to the maid, "Listen, would you like to make $50,000?" The maid says, "What will I have to do?" The woman tells her, "I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the jerk and the witch he's with." The maid puts the phone down; the woman hears footsteps and the gun shots. The maid comes back to the phone, "What do I do with the bodies?" The woman says, "Throw them in the swimming pool." Puzzled, the maid answers, "But there's no pool here." A long pause and the woman says, "Is this 555-4821?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dianne for this literary masterpiece: (don't think of it as blasphemy, but as literary art) CARSTIANITY (Read it aloud!) "Haul a Yugo. Haul a Yugo." Gearly beloved, we are Blazered here in the name of our Four-door, who art in Half-ton. I'm speaking of our lord and Mazda, Jeep-sus Chrysler. He is the Alfa and the Romeo. He was born in a Ranger, he was Tempo'd by the DeVille, and he Daihatsu'd for your Sentras. He said, "Dodge not, that ye not be Dodged. Thou shalt not Corvette thy neighbor's Whitewall, but turn the other Cherokee. If ye have Fiat, ye can move Montecarlos. He ain't Chevy, he's my Beretta." He ate the Last Supra, and he climbed the mount of Cavalier, where they Cruise-controlled him on the Motocross. But God, in his Infiniti Mercedes, did Rolls away the Stanza. Let us Prelude: Sayeth the prophet Isuzu, in the Dusenburg Bible, In the 23rd Saab, "The Ford is my Chauffeur. I shall not Walk. He Lexus me in the paths of Right-turn-signals. Yea, though I walk through the Valet of the Shadow of Dart, I shall Fiero no Eagle. Subaru Goodwrench and Mercury shall Volvo me Audi Daytonas of my life, and I shall Dwellmeter house of Delorean, Four-cylinder." Gloria, In Ex-Celica Geo! GM ____________________________________________________

Today, June 18 in
1155 Frederick I Barbarossa was crowned emperor of Rome. 

1429 French forces defeated the English at the battle of Patay. The
English had been retreating after the siege of Orleans. 

1621 The first duel in America took place in the Plymouth Colony in

1667 The Dutch fleet sailed up the Thames toward London. 

1778 Britain evacuated Philadelphia during the U.S. Revolutionary

1812 The War of 1812 began as the U.S. declared war against Great
Britain. The conflict began over trade restrictions. 

1815 At the Battle of Waterloo Napoleon was defeated by an
international army under the Duke of Wellington. Napoleon abdicated
on June 22. 

1817 London's Waterloo Bridge opened. The bridge, designed by John
Rennie, was built over the River Thames. 

1863 J.J. Richardson received a patent for the ratchet wrench. 

1873 Susan B. Anthony was fined $100 for attempting to vote for a
U.S. President. 

1898 Atlantic City, NJ, opened its Steel Pier. 

1915 During World War I, the second battle of Artois ended. 

1918 Allied forces on the Western Front began their largest
counter-attack against the German army. (World War I) 

1925 The first degree in landscape architecture was granted by
Harvard University. 

1927 The U.S. Post Office offered a special 10-cent postage stamp
for sale. The stamp was of Charles Lindbergh’s "Spirit of St.

1928 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
Atlantic Ocean as she completed a flight from Newfoundland to

1936 The first bicycle traffic court was established in Racine, WI.

1942 The U.S. Navy commissioned its first black officer, Harvard
University medical student Bernard Whitfield Robinson. 

1948 The United Nations Commission on Human Rights adopted its
International Declaration of Human Rights. 

1951 General Vo Nguyen Giap ended his Red River Campaign against
the French in Indochina. 

1953 Egypt was proclaimed to be a republic with General Neguib as
its first president. 

1959 A Federal Court annulled the Arkansas law allowing school
closings to prevent integration. 

1959 The first telecast received from England was broadcast in the
U.S. over NBC-TV. 

1961 "Gunsmoke" was broadcast for the last time on CBS radio. 

1966 Samuel Nabrit became the first African American to serve on
the Atomic Energy Commission. 

1979 In Vienna, U.S. President Jimmy Carter and Leonid Brezhnev
signed the Strategic Arms Limitation Treaty (SALT) 2. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved the renewal of the 1965 Voting Rights
Act for an additional twenty-five years. 

1983 Dr. Sally Ride became the first American woman in space aboard
the space shuttle Challenger. 

1998 The Walt Disney Co. purchased a 43% stake in the Web search
engine company Infoseek Corp. 

2000 In Algiers, Algeria, the foreign ministers of Ethiopia and
Eritrea signed a preliminary cease-fire accord and agreed to work
toward a permanent settlement of their two-year border war. 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Reconnaissance Orbiter/LCROSS probes
to the Moon. It was the first American lunar mission since Lunar
Prospector in 1998. 

2009 Greenland assumed control over its law enforcement, judicial
affairs, and natural resources from the Kingdom of Denmark.
Greenlandic became the official language. 

2018  smiled.

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