Dear Webby: Pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 31, 2008

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni
A minister opening his mail one morning takes a sheet of paper from an envelope and finds written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announces, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name but forgot to write a letter."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Goin' to church
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man named Xu in Fuqing City, China Divine lightning reaction? A Chinese man who swore to God that he didn't owe money to a neighbour was hit by lightning a minute later. The man, named Xu, made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, reports Southeast Express. He vowed that he had never borrowed money from Mr Huang, who claimed Xu borrowed 500 yuan, the equivalent of $75, from him three years earlier. "He borrowed 500 yuan three years ago from me for a friend's marriage gift, but he has denied it ever since then," said Huang, who went to Xu's home to demand payment. "I told him that if he dared to swear to God that he didn't owe me the money, then I would waive his debt," said Huang. Xu made the oath, but was suddenly struck by lightning a minute later. He was immediately taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had been hit by lightning. He is expected to make a full recovery. ------------------- That sure would revolutionize election cmpaigns if we could get that happening here!
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re:Pirated XP Dear Webby, Additionally, Microsoft when it does updates adds a tracking system that will not allow you to get some updates, it has also in the past set a balloon in your icon tray by the clock to annoy the illegal users. There is a way to disable that too. You know I had an illegal copy when my system was built for me. You also know that I went out and purchased a legal XP when I could afford it after 3 years. ... Just thought I would pass this along too. In my opinion, I think they are not concerned of the past items, but are after the big fish that sell the pirated versions. I would not want to try and run an unlicensed copy in a business these days. Lots of people cannot afford the legal version, that is the sad truth, so they opt for free or cheaper copies of software. At least you have given them a way to get around it with the suggestion of the Linux system. Have a good day... Sandra Dear Sandra Yes, especially for a business it is not a good idea at all to use a pirated XP. Even though it may work quite OK, sooner or later some employee will brag or complain about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

It was Little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Johnny was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Johnny's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Johnny absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean For a clean tube, try squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Wonder Ho To ?
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Dear Webby: Difference between legitimate and pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 30, 2008

There are only two ways of telling the complete truth-- anonymously and posthumously. --- Thomas Sowell
The proprietor of a successful optical shop was instructing his son on how to charge a customer. "After you have fitted the customer's glasses," he said, "and he asks you what the charge will be, you say, '$100.' Then see if he winces." "If the customer doesn't wince you say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be another $100.'" "If he still doesn't wince, you say firmly, 'Each.'"
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to County Attorney Fred Busroe of Harlan, Kentucky HARLAN, Ky. (UPI) -- An ex-candidate for governor of Kentucky, whose colloquial compliment about two young girls was taken sexually and landed him in jail is free but unhappy. Otis "Bullman" Hensley Jr., who has twice run unsuccessfully for governor, said his offer to trade "a good fattening hog" for a 13-year-old girl and an 11-year-old girl accompanied by their aunt at a Don's Supersaver store was nothing more than an eastern Kentucky saying that is meant as a compliment about someone's children, the Lexington (Ky.) Herald-Leader reported Tuesday. However, the girls' father did not see the humor and pressed felony charges of first-degree attempted unlawful transaction with a minor against the politician. Hensley spent two days in jail in Harlan before he made bail and prosecutor J.D. Smith said authorities have determined Hensley "absolutely meant no harm" by his comment. The charges were dropped on condition that Hensley apologize to the family and have no further contact with them. Hensley said he was outraged. ------------------------- He probably apologized that he mistook them for people with brains. I have heard people in Kentucky and Tennessee use that phrase, and normally the response was "Why, Thank you! You'd probably trade them back fer bisquits when they start fighting with each other." or "Bless yer heart! You'd prolly trade them back fer grits, once they eat you out of house and home!" Neither the compliment nor the graceful response implies anything sexual or any actually intended transacton, or that the person making the compliment owns a hog. It's just Apalachian for:"It's good to see some well mannered kids!" Obviously, the father of the kids is too stupid to live in Kentucky, but County Attorney Fred Busroe should be ridden out of town on a rail. He should have known better!
Everyone in the hotel was talking about the wedding where the groom was 95 years old and the bride was only 23. The groom looked pretty feeble, and some of the guests thought that the wedding night could kill the old man, because his bride was a healthy and vivacious young woman. But the next morning, everyone was surprised to see the bride come down the main stairway slowly, step by step, and painfully bow-legged. She finally managed to hobble to the front desk. The clerk looked very concerned, and he asked the bride, "What happened to you? You look like you just got done wrestling an alligator." "Oh my God," said the bride. "He told me that he had been saving up for 75 years.... I thought he meant his money!!"
TOP 10 REASONS FARM TRUCKS AREN'T STOLEN 10. They have about 20 miles before they overheat, breakdown or run out of gas. 9. Only the owner knows how to operate the door to get in or out. 8. It is difficult to drive fast with all the fence tools, grease rags, ropes, chains, syringes, buckets, boots and loose papers in the cab. 7. It takes too long to start, and the smoke coming up through the rusted-out floorboard clouds your vision. 6. The Border Collie on the toolbox looks mean. 5. They're too easy to spot. The description might go something like this: The driver's side door is red, the passenger side door is green, the right front fender is yellow, etc. 4. The large round bale in the back makes it hard to see if you're being chased. You could use the mirrors if they weren't cracked and covered with duct tape. 3. Top speed is approximately 45 mph. 2. Who wants to steal a truck that needs a year's worth of maintenance, u-joints, $3,000 in body work, tail-lights and windshield? 1. It is hard to commit a crime with everyone waving at you.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allan Re:What is different with the pirated XP Dear Webby, What is the difference between pirated and legitimate XP? Considering that M$ is spending really big money and effort to fight against the proliferation of pirate XP, it must be pretty good. Aside from moral and ethical grounds, is there any reason to pay $150 for a legitimate XP instead $10 for pirate XP? What do you recommend? Allan Dear Allan It is well known that most of the computers in Russia use pirate XP, and similar situations exist in many East Block countries and in China. I have never seen or tried a pirated XP, but considering how many Millions of people use them, it seems to be adequate. Users apparently get the automatic Tuesday bug fixes, but not the SP updates. They don't have to install the SP3 blocker. Microsoft is not doing a witch-hunt against users of pirated XP, even though they claim they could, because that would make Linux the main OS overnight. They probably count each pirated XP installations as "one more Vista sold". Well, it's not a legitimate XP, so it must be Vista, right? However, Microsoft is using their full might to chase sellers of pirated XP, and if your name shows up in a caught sellers database, that you bought a few hundred pirated XP CDs for your business, then they might contact you. My recommendation? If you can afford a legitimate XP, then get the legitimate one. If you can't, get Linux. It's free. The switch from Windows to Linux is easier than the switch from Mac to Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby

I was bar tending at a club nearby. When a bunch of roaring motorcycles pulled up outside, our patrons' eyes swung toward the door and conversation turned into uneasy whispering. A group of tough looking bikers walked up to the bar, and one of them asked me where the phone was. I pointed it out, and the silence in the room let everybody overhear what the biker boomed into the receiver: "Hi, Mom. Just want to let you know I didn't forget to pick up your box of .... thingies at the drugstore, but I'll probably be home late tonight. We are doing the charity run for breast cancer today."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cereal Boxes for Magazine Storage Most cereal boxes can be converted into boxes to store magazines. Just remove the top flaps and cut the upper third of the box off at a diagonal angle. You can put contact paper on the outside of the box to make the box look better. For More Green Living Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny was having problems in English class, so his teacher decided to stop by on her way home to speak with his parents. When she rang the bell, Little Johnny opened the door. The teacher said, "Hello, Johnny. I would like to talk to your mother or your father." Little Johnny said, "Sorry, but they ain't here." The teacher said, "Johnny, what is it with your grammar?" "Beats me," said Little Johnny, "but dad sure was mad that they had t'go bail her out again."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gros Morne National Park
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How can I recognize a pirated XP CD? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 29, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Dancing: The vertical expression of a horizontal desire legalized by music. --- George Bernard Shaw "The shortest distance between two points is usually under construction." --- Wayne H.
A college senior takes his new girlfriend to a football game. As the young couple is watching the action, a substitute is put into the game. "You see that fellow running into the huddle?" the young man asks, pointing to the sub. The girl nods. "Well," says the young man, "take a good look at him. I expect him to be our best man next year." The girl snuggles closer and says to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I've ever heard a fellow to propose to a girl. But regardless of how you said it, I accept."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nitpickers in Bulgarian courts Divorcee to lose house over 37 cents? A Bulgarian divorcee was told he could have his house repossessed because he hadn't coughed up an alimony payment to his ex-wife - of 37 cents. Vasil Yordanov from Haskovo, had been ordered to pay the sum as part of a divorce settlement 15 years ago but forgot. Now a judge has warned him that he is facing a visit from bailiffs and all his property could be repossessed if he fails another order to pay up. Yordanov said: "I got a letter from the courts and at first thought someone was playing a joke on me. Then when I checked I found out they were being completely serious. "It must have cost the courts and my ex-wife's legal team twenty times as much just to send me a letter to remind me. I am perfectly happy to pay up the money or if they would like, I can offer them goods in exchange. "I have had a look around for something in my house worth 37 cents and I thought maybe a toilet roll would be about right."
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television."
Little Johnny had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Little Johnny in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," Little Johnny responded. He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "No Way!!," his bride retorted, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother.....!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re:How to spot pirated XP Dear Webby, The other day you mentioned that there are bootleg copies of Windows XP for sale on the net. How can someone spot a counterfeit copy? The reason I'm asking is because I'm thinking of buying a copy of Windows XP, SP2 off of eBay. Thanks for all your help, David Dear David There is absolutely no way to tell the difference, until you got it in front of you, and the seller is not going to tell you, if it is hot. I stocked up when I told all Humor Letter readers to stock up on XP CDs, but if I needed more, I would buy them from people I know and trust, like Jerome in Texas. His company REALLY stocked up. Have FUN! DearWebby

As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Large Planters Since most planters are wider on top than on the bottom, they can be difficult to move with a hand truck. Use an old skateboard instead. If you don't have one, you can probably find one at your local thrift store. They work well for moving other heavy objects as well. Unusual Ideas for Planters http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf001333.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When my four year old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother and found a water pistol. He squealed with de- light and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with water guns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "I remember."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Action Plus galleries
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Dear Webby: XP and Linux on the same machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 28, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

I don't necessarily agree with everything I say. --- Obama Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. --- Albert Schweitzer
Texan prisons have banned convicts on death row from having a last cigarette, on the grounds that it is bad for their health.
Thanks to Jai for sending this picture of a LadySlipper behind her house:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Depew of Salem, Mass World's most prolific bike thief SALEM, Mass. (UPI) -- Police officers in North Andover, Mass., inadvertently interrupted a movie set thinking it was the site of a robbery attempt, a "director" says. "Director" John Depew said he was filming a scene at a North Andover convenience store last weekend when police suddenly stormed in to apprehend their suspects, Boston's WCVB-TV reported. "They came in and they said, 'Drop the gun' and I couldn't see the officer because he was behind (me)," Depew said. "I said, 'It's a movie, it's a movie -- we're filming a movie!'" Depew said two actors playing robbers were placed in handcuffs by the officers, but were released after the situation was explained. WCVB-TV said the confusion was brought about by a mistaken 911 call from someone who said an actual robbery was taking place at the store. Copyright 2008 by United Press International There was no mention why the "director" failed to inform the police beforehand, and why there was no crew holding off bystanders. I hope they made him pay for the call-out.
Charlie had a massive heart attack and died. His body was delivered to the mortuary. He had been wearing an expensive, expertly tailored black suit at the time of his demise, so he really looked wonderful, considering the circumstances. His wife went to the funeral home to make the final arrangements for his interment. She spoke to the mortician about what her husband would be wearing. The mortician pointed out that the man looked really nice in the black suit he was wearing, and that frankly it would be easier and less expensive to leave him dressed as he was. The woman noted that Charlie had always looked his very best in blue, and that she really wanted him in a blue suit for his trip to eternity. To silence the mortician's continued outcries, she gave him a blank check and said, "I don't care what it costs, but please have my husband in the very best blue suit money can buy for the ceremony." The woman came back the next day for the wake. To her delight, she found her Charlie dressed in a gorgeous blue suit with a subtle chalk stripe; the suit fit him perfectly. She said to the mortician, "Whatever this cost, I'm very satisfied. You did an excellent job, and I'm very grateful. How much did you spend?" To her astonishment, the mortician presented her with the blank check, indicating there was no charge for these extra services. "No, really, I must compensate you for the cost of that exquisite blue suit!" she cried. The mortician responded, "Honestly, ma'am, the change to the blue suit cost nothing. Funny thing, a deceased gentleman of about your husband's size was brought in shortly after you left yesterday, wearing an attractive blue suit. I asked his wife if she minded him going to his grave wearing an attractive black suit. She indicated that it made no difference, as long as he looked nice... So I switched the heads."
All of the farmers in a small town had gathered together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her piece. One of the farmers, attempting to show the woman to be ignorant on the subject of farming, stood up and said, "What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?" Quick as a flash, the woman replied, "Take off your boots Harvey, and count them yourself!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Ubuntu Linux beside XP Dear Webby, Will I be able to install Ubuntu along with XP, and if I cannot handle it, uninstall and still have XP? Or is this asking too much of my lappie? Oh too, the apps I have downloaded, and/or have cd's for, will they run on Ubuntu or are they trash if I move to that OS? Jai Dear Jai With Ubuntu, and most flavors of Linux, you can even run it from a CD. They call it "Live CD". You just boot from the CD, and leave XP on the machine. That's sort of like a trial version. From that you can switch to a permanent Dual-Boot and choose at boot-up whether you want to run Windows or Linux. With the programs, Linux is like UNIX and has it's own set of software. The good news is that in the Linux world most software is free. Some software, like Open Office comes to the Windows World from UNIX / Linux. Have FUN! DearWebby

An off-duty police officer, familiar with radar guns, drove through a school zone within the legal speed limit when the flash of a camera went off, taking a picture of his license plate. The officer, thinking the radar was in error, drove by again; even more slowly. Another flash. He did it again for a third time, at an even slower speed. Same result. "This guy must have screwed up the settings," the off-duty officer thought. A few weeks later, when he received the violations in the mail, he discovered three traffic tickets: each for not wearing a seat belt!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com College Students and Credit Cards Companies fall over themselves to offer credit to new college students. If you have a child heading off to college, be sure to warn them about this because they can quickly amass high interest credit card debt that could haunt them, and you, for years to come. Visit ThriftyFun for more College Life Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/College%20Life_333.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Police are taking a prisoner to jail when the police cruiser is involved in an accident. The prisoner escapes from the wreckage and runs away across the playground of a kindergarten. As he's running, he shouts, "I'm free! I'm free!" One of the children watching him shouts back, "Big deal. I'm four!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Typewriter Art
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Dear Webby: Vista to XP upgrade service 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 27, 2008

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket."
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture North Shore NFLD
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Igor Kenk, 49, of Toronto, Ontario World's most prolific bike thief Canadian police say they have caught the world's most prolific bike thief. Officers recovered 2,865 stolen bicycles from the owner of a Toronto bike shop, reports The Guardian. Igor Kenk, 49, is awaiting trial on 58 charges of theft, attempted theft, possession of stolen goods and possession of burglary tools. He was arrested after Toronto police, noticing that bike theft had spiked sharply in June, planted bicycles on the streets and watched to see who stole them. As plain clothes officers hid in wait, Kenk and another man walked past. Kenk seemed to tell his companion to cut the locks on two bikes, which he did, before the pair attempted to pedal away. When police raided the Bicycle Clinic, the shop was so jam-packed that the fire service had to remove the upper-floor windows and lower the bikes out by rope. Later, 200 more bikes were seized in Kenk's home, along with large quantities of drugs, in a smart neighbourhood in Toronto. Ten landlords around the city also reported that they had rented garages to Kenk, which were chock-full of bikes. Some 15,000 people have visited the police station garage where the vast collection was taken, hoping to pick out their own lost bikes. Toronto police officers said about 500 people had so far been reunited with their bicycles.
A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She didn't scare the fish. She ate all the bait."
Finding one of her students making faces at others on the playground, Ms. Smith stopped to gently reprove the child. Smiling sweetly, the Sunday School teacher said, "Johnny, when I was a child, I was told that if I made ugly faces, it would freeze and I would stay like that." Little Johnny looked up into her face and replied, "Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcella Re: XP installer Dear Webby, I thought I would eventually get used to Vista, but it is like getting used to driving in first gear only. I don't work under the hood on my car, and I would rather have a real professional work on my computers. You have once mentioned a shop in Texas or thereabouts that professionally upgrades Vista machines to XP. Are they still doing that, or did they run out of XP CDs? If they are still doing it, can you please run their address again? Thanks Marcella Dear Marcella Yes, Jerome is indeed still upgrading computers to XP. I guess his reputation is spreading, because that work is 75% of their work now. To negotiate a price and make shipping arrangements, write to jerome@spiritscents.com He uses only legitimate XP CDs, not the Chinese and Russian pirated XP clones, and you won't have any problems with the automatic updates. Have FUN! DearWebby

Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And, just how many men are you intending to marry?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discounts for Installing Windows If you need to replace the windows in your house, see if your electric company offers any rebates or coupons for new window installation. You can usually find significant savings if you replace them at the right time. You should also save your receipts and check for tax incentives when you file. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Home Improvement Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A client brought a litter of golden retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. So, I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized, too."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: GoldenRay Migration
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Upgrade Acer with Vista to XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 26, 2008

Correction re World Record Wheat Harvest. Thanks to Kathie in Montana, the wanna-be's in Kansas are just hoaxers. That record harvest was in Winkler, Manitoba The event, in August 2006, attracted 105 combines to harvest 162 acres of wheat and yield was 65 bushels per acre. By comparison, in 2006, Norton County, Kansas, averaged 27 bushels to the acre, and there has never been a 100 combine harvest in or near Norton, Kansas. Sorry about the initially wrong information! http://www.worldharvestforkids.com/
A drunk at the DNC in Denver walks into a bar full of customers and slurs to the bartender, "Bartender, buy everyone in the house a drink, pour yourself one, and give me the bill." So, the bartender does just that and hands the man a bill for 76.00. The drunk says, "I haven't got it." The bartender can't believe it. He picks the guy up, beats the living daylights out of him, then throws him out into the street. The next day the same drunk walks back into the same bar and, slurring as always, says, "Bartender, buy every one in the house a drink and give me the bill." In disgust, the bartender says, "What, no drink for me this time?" The drunk replies, "You? No way! You get too violent when you drink."
Thanks to Ann for sending this picture of her very prolific AngelTrumpet:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heidi Dalibor, 20, of Grafton, Wisconsin Failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. A US woman has been arrested and handcuffed for failing to appear in court to answer regarding her refusal to pay library fines for two overdue library books. Heidi Dalibor, of Grafton, Wisconsin, is the first to admit that she ignored calls and letters from her local library. She also admits that she ignored a notice to appear in municipal court or pay the fine, reports the News Graphic. But the last thing she expected was a knock on her door by Grafton police. "They showed me a warrant they had for my arrest," said Miss Dalibor, 20. "They said they had to cuff me and I said, 'Are you serious?'" She said all she could think about was that her neighbours would not know why she was being led away from her home in handcuffs. Once at the police station, she was fingerprinted and photographed, and the marks and scars on her body recorded. Police Captain Joe Gabrish says officers follow the same procedure with every warrant. Library director John Hanson says a couple of dozen people are cited each year for failure to return materials or pay fines. The incident cost Dalibor about $27 for the two overdue paperbacks - and it cost her mother $150 bail money to free her. -------------- Plus a criminal record for failing to appear in court when ordered.
The teacher wrote "Like I ain't had no fun in months" on the board and then she said, "David , how should I correct that?" David replied, "Maybe get a better boyfriend?"
All he asked for was a little goodnight kiss, but she rebuffed him with, "I don't do that sort of thing on my first date!" .... "Well," he replied with sarcasm, "how about on your last date?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hermon Re: Acer with Vista Dear Webby, I read the letter and vote daily and send some parts around the world. thanks for making my day with a great letter. If you had an Acer Aspire 5610Z with Vista pre installed, what would you do to uninstall it and install XP Pro??? Of course we all know you would never have bought the Vista machine , and you tried warning everyone, but some of us Appalachian Americans (better known as Hillbillys) can't walk and chew gum at the same time. Thanks for all the help in the past . Hermon in Kentucky Dear Hermon I would do exactly the same as I did with the computer I bought in the desert, so that I could continue writing and sending out the Humor Letter. All I could get in that desert village was a Vista machine. As soon as I got back to civilization, I stuck an XP set-up-CD into it and installed XP. Nothing to it. I am a hillbilly, not a silly-billy. It may be difficult now to find XP set-up CDs unless you hit the garage sale and look for old klunkers that come with the CD. An alternative is to upgrade your Vista to Vista Ultimate, even though that machine won't be able to run it. If you get a Vista Ultimate license, Microsoft will chalk it up as another Vista sale, and in exchange let you have rights to an XP CD. Microsoft is spending 300 Million dollars to try and make you believe that Vista is not as bad as DOS4, and that any horse can eventually get used to being hobbled. Because of that, most people who stocked up on XP CDs are hanging on to them, but there are a few listed at eBay. However, your best bet is to get the Vista Ultimate + XP from Acer. It will have the drivers that you need. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other Irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers using 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. Add a thin layer of the mixture, then place flowers on top. Slowly add more of the powder until the flowers are covered, pouring on the side rather than right on top, to avoid crushing. Let them sit for 10 days. For More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that supposed to be?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Well, then," snapped the little old lady, "why isn't it...?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Drive Pricng
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Yahoo malfunction 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 25, 2008

I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields She had an unequalled gift... of squeezing big mistakes into small opportunities. --- Henry James
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: Three old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement home in Ft. Lauderdale reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness of a cucumber she could buy for a penny. The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much bigger and cheaper also, and demonstrated the size of two big onions she could buy for a penny a piece. The third old lady remarked, 'I can't hear a word you're saying, but I remember the guy you're talking about.
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture: This one bloomed today. (Echinocereus brandegeei)
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A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for some weeks now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any soon." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, we placed an order for it a couple of weeks ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked about?" The clerk smiled and said... "Parking lot robberies." An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jeanne Shahan of Hallandale beach, Florida Police: Grandma left kids in car at casino HALLANDALE BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Hallandale Beach, Fla., said a grandmother has been arrested after she left her two grandchildren in the car while she gambled inside a casino. Investigators said Jeanne Shahan left the children, a 14 year old boy and a 2 year old girl, in her car with the windows rolled up for at least an hour and 15 minutes while she gambled at the Mardi Gras Casino, WFOR-TV, Fort lauderdale, Fla., reported Wednesday. "The children seem fine," said Daniel Adkins, a representative from the Mardi Gras Casino. "We brought them inside and they both cooperated, gave us the name of who they were here with and we were able to locate the grandmother." Shahan was charged with two counts of aggravated child neglect.
When Kevin came home, his wife, Liz, was crying. "Your mother insulted me," Liz sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" Kevin asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter it said, 'P.S. Dear Liz, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
The first mate on a ship decided to celebrate an occasion with a "little" stowed away rum. Unfortunately he got drunk and was still drunk the next morning. The captain saw him drunk and when the first mate was sober, showed him the following entry in the ship's log: "The first mate was drunk today." "Captain, please don't let that stay in the log," the first mate pleaded. "This could add months or even years, to my becoming a captain myself." "Is it true?" asked the captain, already knowing the answer. "Yes, it's true," the first mate said, lowering his head. The captain growled, "Then if it is true it must be written in the log. That's the rule. If it's true it goes into the log. End of discussion." Weeks later, it was the first mate's turn to make the log entries. The first mate wrote: "The ship seems in good shape. The captain was sober today."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: William Re: Yahoo malfunction Dear Webby, When I open you letter now, I get all the ads on the left just fine, however there is nothing on the right in the body of the letter. So I clicked "reply" to write this message and now I can read everything in the body of the letter on my "reply" message. This is on a yahoo acount that I have been using for better than 10 years. However, they seem to have made so changes as of late to the way it operates. Any clues? Thanks, William Dear William That is just a routine Yahoo malfunction. As you saw, you DID receive the entire Humor Letter, they just don't let you see it, until you threaten to reply or forward. Probably they are sick and tired of you and want you to graduate and get a grown-ups type address. Many thousands have graduated, and you can do it too! Have FUN! DearWebby

An Irish man walks into a pub and the bartender asks him, "What'll you have?" The man says, "Give me three pints of Guinness, please." So, the bartender brings him three pints and the man proceeds to alternately sip one, then the other, then the third until they're gone. Then he orders three more. The bartender says, "Sir, I know you like them cold. You don't have to order three at a time. I can keep an eye on it and when you get low I'll bring you a fresh cold one." The man says, "You don't understand. I have two brothers, one in Australia and one in the States. We made a vow to each other that every Saturday night we'd still drink together. So, right now, my brothers have three Guinness Stouts too, and we're drinking together." The bartender thought that was a wonderful tradition. Every week the man came in and ordered three beers. Then one week he came in and ordered only two. He drank them and then ordered two more. The bartender said to him, "I know what your tradition is, and I'd just like to say that I'm sorry that one of your brothers died." The man said, "Oh, me brothers are fine. Me wife made me join the baptists and it's me who had to quit drinking.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buyer Protection For Online Auction Purchases PayPal and other programs provide buyer protection for online auctions. The problem with this protection is that it doesn't necessarily cover the full price of your bid. Purchases are currently protected for only up $1,000, so expensive items will only be partially covered. For More ThriftyFun Shopping Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_472.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: The 2009 Farmers Almanac, due to go on sale later this week, predicts that there won't be any Gullible Warming tis coming winter. That means heating fuel prices will increase between now and March. Get your firewood, heating oil, propane, pellets, coal, cornhusks, whatever, as soon as you can afford. None of them spoil, and you will need lots this coming winter. DearWebby

A couple had been married for 45 years, had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replied, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: West Texas
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: What files does CrapCleaner delete 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 24, 2008

A great new search engine that pays you! Free for you! You get paid for searching! I never teach my pupils; I only attempt to provide the conditions in which they can learn." --- Albert Einstein
A man was brought to Mercy Hospital, and went in for coronary surgery. The operation went well, and as the groggy man regained consciousness, he was reassured by a Sister of Mercy waiting by his bed. "Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," the nun said while patting his hand. "We do have to know, however, how you intend to pay for your stay here. Are you covered by insurance?" "No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely. "Can you pay in cash?" "I'm afraid I can't, Sister." "Do you have any close relatives, then?" "Just my sister in New Mexico," the patient replied. "But she's a spinster nun." "Nuns are not spinsters, Mr. Smith," the nun replied. "They are married to God." "Okay," the man said with a smile. "Then send the bill to my brother-in-law."
Thanks to Jerry for sending this picture : Bike lane ?
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Re yesterday's bonehead award, from Gary Dear Webby You missed the funniest part - two nights later they were both arrested AGAIN, and were both tazered AGAIN ! http://snipurl.com/3j809 http://dlisted.com/node/27863 :-) Gary An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Pearce, 32, of Dartford, Kent, England Burglar hanging in there As a burglar, John Pearce thinks nothing of turning his victims' homes upside down. But this time it was the house that turned him the wrong way up. Attempting a daylight raid, the 32-year-old somehow got his foot caught after smashing his way through the front window of a Victorian terrace home at 6pm. Unable to free himself, Pearce was left hanging upside down in the window frame for more than an hour as a crowd of 30 neighbours, police, EMTs and passers-by gathered to ridicule him. It seems they were waiting for more photographers to arrive. http://snipurl.com/3j81j
A Father, passing through his son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch. We'll hose him down and drag him in in the morning."
A man was sick, he constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors didn't give him long to live. He decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen." The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen." The clerk said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you...if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shonda Re: Does CrapCleaner delete pictures Dear Webby, I download the c cleaner, will this make away with my pictures I have saved to my cp, if I do a clean up. Thank You Shonda Dear Shonda No, CrapCleaner does not touch pictures. It cleans left-over fragments from closed programs, which still hang in the RAM memory, and whatever you see in the list that it shows you. Take the checkmark off the cookies. All other defaults are fine as they are. Have FUN! DearWebby

Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Muddy Foot Prints on Carpet Here's a tip for dealing with wet, muddy foot print on carpet. Sprinkle cornstarch over the foot print and let it dry. Once dry, vacuum up the cornstarch. In any case, mud is always much easier to remove when it is dry, if you try to clean it when it is wet, you just spread it around. Click Here For More Carpet Cleaning Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Carpet_296_304.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A golf match is a test of your hard earned skill against your opponent's dumb luck.

Thanks to Ang for today's Bonus Link: Horses and the Flying Frenchman
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: How do I burn Audio CDs? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 23, 2008

No man is exempt from saying silly things; the mischief is to say them deliberately. --- Michel de Montaigne Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys. ---P.J. O'Rourke
Doctor: "Madame, I'd like to give you a thorough examination. Please take off all your clothes." Patient: "But doctor, I only stopped by for the blood test results. Dr. Johnson found me in perfect condition just yesterday." Doctor: "So he told me . . . so he told me."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago Bride and groom arrested at reception LAKESIDE, Mich. (UPI) -- A wedding reception in Lakeside, Mich., ended with the bride and groom spending the night in separate jail cells after a melee, police said. Investigators said Andy Somora, 29, and Anna Pastuszwska, 28, both formerly of Chicago, were shocked with police stun guns and arrested at the July 19 reception at Burnison Galleries after police officers from 14 departments were called to calm things down, the Chicago Sun-Times reported. "The short version of the story is they didn't want to quit their partying," said Mike Sepic, Berrien County's chief assistant prosecutor. "If you put this in the class of wedding receptions gone bad, I guess this would take the cake." Somora's father, uncle, aunt and cousin also were arrested. Somora pleaded guilty to a felony charge of resisting and obstructing police. The groom, who also was charged with disturbing the peace, could face imprisonment at his Sept. 15 sentencing for the felony charge. Pastuszwska pleaded guilty to a reduced charge after she was initially accused of resisting and obstructing. She was fined $600. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ----------------- cops from 14 police departments! That must have been some fight!
Thanks to Irene for this story: It was cold and rainy at the Atlantic Ocean resort where I was spending my vacation, but I finally bundled up and went down to the beach. There I saw a man in a bathing suit, lying on a large beach blanket. I walked up to him and asked why he was punishing himself that way. "I've been saving up all year for this vacation so I could get some color," he said. "And I'm going to get it - even if it's blue."
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Burning Audio CDs Dear Webby, I got up the courage to switch from Internet Explorer to Mozilla Firefox and I love Firefox!!! So glad I heard of it from your newsletter. Should I delete Internet Explorer altogether or just leave it on my computer? One more question - I downloaded some songs on a CD and I can play them fine on my laptop computer but when I tried them in my car, nothing plays, can't play them anywhere except my computer.I put them on a CD-RW. Why can't I hear the music at other sources? Thanks and I love your newsletter - you help so much, I have no one else to ask so I am thankful for you! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Best not to delete IE. To make the sheep believe that IE loads faster than other browsers, Microsoft loads big chunks of IE during boot-up. Since those pieces are now already loaded, other parts of Windows also use them. Best is to leave it installed. It does not take that much space. re Audio CDs: The car does not have a computer for playing Data CDs. It just has an Audio CD player. Good information on how to burn Audio CDs is at Burn Audio CDs Have FUN! DearWebby

There is a theory which states that if anyone ever discovers exactly what the Universe is for, and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Tips: Keep Paint Drips Off Light Fixtures To prevent drips on ceiling light fixtures, cover them with a plastic bag. Turn off the lights first so you don't melt the bags! Secure the bag where the fixture meets the ceiling with masking table. Plastic grocery bags work well for this, just cut off the handles so they don't get in the way. Click Here For More Painting Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_611.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One evening a preschooler, Krystal, and her parents were sitting on the couch chatting. Krystal asked, " Daddy, you're the boss of the house, right?" Her father proudly replied, "Yes, I am the boss of the house." But Krystal quickly burst his bubble when she added, "Cause Mommy gave you that job, Daddy?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: PayPal Spoof 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 22, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

There are two kinds of people, those who finish what they start and so on. --- Robert Byrne Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller
Thanks to Gloria for bringing back this classic: With all the new technology regarding fertility recently, a 65-year-old friend of mine was able to give birth. When she was discharged from the hospital and went home, I went to visit. 'May I see the new baby?' I asked 'Not yet,' She said 'I'll make coffee and we can visit for a while first.' Thirty minutes had passed, and I asked, 'May I see the new baby now?' No, not yet,' She said. After another few minutes had elapsed, I asked again, 'May I see the baby now?' 'No, not yet,' replied my friend. Growing very impatient, I asked, 'Well, when can I see the baby?' 'WHEN HE CRIES!' she told me. 'WHEN HE CRIES?' I demanded. 'Why do I have to wait until he CRIES?' 'BECAUSE I FORGOT WHERE I PUT HIM, O.K.?!!'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture : Record setting harvest was done in 2008, in Norton , Kansas 160 acres was harvested with 100 combines and several grain trucks in 10 minutes and 15 seconds. The picture shows about half of the combines involved. These have already completed one run the length of the field and are now coming back for the swaths left standing between each machine's path. This record will be entered in the Guinness World. Proceeds of this crop is to be sent to a kids camp.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Felix Adler, 40, of Cham, Germany Man left naked and broke A trusting German had to jog two miles naked to a police station after a woman promised him sex and then ran off with his clothes. Felix Adler, 40, said he met the 24-year-old woman in a bar in Cham in southern Germany and they walked to woods on the edge of town where she begged him to have sex. But as he stripped off, she fled with his clothes - including his wallet with £800 in it. He managed to make his way to the police station and gave a full description of the woman to police who later tracked her down. A police spokesman said: "He was very embarrassed and very cold by the time he got to the police station." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_29 ... rangecrime
"Grandma, how long have you and Grandpa been married?" asked young Nina. "Fifty years," Grandma replied. "That is so wonderful," exclaimed Nina. "And I bet in all that time, you never once thought about divorce, right?" "Right Nina. Divorce, NEVER. Murder, lots of times, but never divorce."
A farmer stood leaning on a fence at the edge of his property. He watched as a red sports car came over the top of a hill and followed the road up to the spot where he stood. The driver pulled over to the side of the road and called out to the farmer. "Do you know how I can get to Route 91?" the driver asked. The farmer thought for a few seconds. Then he said, "Nope." "Do you know where the nearest turnpike entrance is?" the driver asked. "Nope," the farmer replied. "How about the town of Hadley. Do you know which direction it is from here?" "Nope." Exasperated, the driver raced his engine. "You don't know very much, do you?" he said. "Nope," the farmer replied. "But I'm not lost."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: PayPal Dear Webby, this came in, and I have had no busineess with PayPal. It did not have my email address or my name, just the name of the buyer as John Angel, and my name in Glenn Dix. Any suggestions? I tried the link, and it said the page could not be displayed. Thank you for any help. -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- From: support@PayPal.Inc.com Subject: Dispute Transaction Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2008 16:44:14 +0300 ....... Dear Glenn That is a typical hoax. Hover, but don't click over the dispute transaction link. You will see in the status line that it actually goes to some number domain. Luckily somebody had already reported the same stuff to spoof@paypal.com and PayPal did the digital equivalent of nuking that site. That is why you got a "Page not found" instead of a trojan invasion. Just dump it and next time, don't click on anything suspicious! Hover the mouse over links and watch the status line, but don't click! Have FUN! DearWebby

The wealthy wife of a very successful Jewish businessman went to the portrait artist for her first sitting. The portrait, a gift for her husband. She explained to the artist what she wanted: "You should paint me like I am. These little wrinkles, you put them on your canvas. The lines under my eyes, the flab on my arms, the turn in my nose, and the mole on my cheek, they all stay... BUT on my hands you put lots of rings with big diamonds and emeralds and bright jewels. Around my neck you put chains of gold and diamonds. Do you understand?" The artist looked at her in earnest and asked why she should want such detail of real life in her physical appearance, but adorn herself with the phony jewelry. She replied: "I am not well. When I die my husband will re-marry. The new wife, she should go crazy looking for the jewels."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Appliances Always try to save up for large appliance purchases rather than putting them on a credit card. High interest credit cards can result in paying double for the appliances if you don't pay them off aggressively. Also, be sure to check the local want ads for used appliances. Click Here For More Budget and Finance Tips From ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... e_442.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Everybody who has a dog calls him Rover or Boy. I call mine Sex. He's a great pal, but he has caused me a great deal of embarrassment. When I went to city hall to renew his dog license, I told the clerk I would like a license for Sex. He said, I'd like one too! I said, But this is a dog.. He said he didn't care what she looked like. Then I said, You don't understand. I've had Sex, since I was 9 years old. He winked and said You must have been quite a kid. When I married and went on my honeymoon. I took the dog with me. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife and me, and a special room for Sex. He said, You don't need a special room. As long as you pay your bill, we don't care what you do. One day, I entered Sex in a contest, but before the competition began, the dog ran away. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing there, looking disappointed. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should have sold my own tickets. When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married. The judge said, The courtroom isn't a confessional. Stick to the case please. Then I told him that after I was married, Sex left me. He said, Me too. Last night, Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over town for him. A cop came over to me and asked, "What are you doing in this alley at 4 o'clock in the morning?" I told him that I was looking for Sex. My case comes up Friday.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lifelike Animation
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: myMemorizer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 21, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again. --- Socratex
A middle aged man wasn't feeling well, so he went to the doctor for a check up. After a thorough examination, the doctor said, "Well, based on my examination, the best thing for you is to cut out all sweets and fatty foods, give up sex and alcohol, and stop smoking." The man said, "Well, to be honest with you Doc, I don't deserve the best. What's the second best?"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Biscardi, bigfoot "expert" Sent in by Ross Searching for Bigfoot group to sue Georgia hoaxers By CHRISTIAN BOONE, KATHY JEFCOATS, etc. Wednesday, August 20, 2008 They claim their hoax was not for profit, but Atlanta residents Matthew Whitton and Rick Dyer received $50,000 from a California Bigfoot tracker who now plans to sue to get the money back. The two Georgia men’s tale of having found a Bigfoot carcass in the North Georgia woods really started to stink when California Bigfoot enthusiasts finally examined the body and found it was just a costume. “There will be legal action” said Catherine Ortez, who works for Searching for Bigfoot, Inc. in in Menlo Park, Calif. The organization paid for rights to the men’s story and their find. “If this was a joke, it was very methodical and thought-out,” she said. The Searching for Bigfoot, Inc site was founded by Tom Biscardi, who authenticated and promoted the alleged Georgia Sasquatch. Biscardi, who did not return calls requesting comment, has his own credibility issues, according to a police officer in a nearby jurisdiction. “He was involved in a similar hoax a few years back,” said Agent Dan Ryan with the Palo Alto (Calif.) Police Department. In an interview with WSB-TV Wednesday night, Whitton and Dyer’s attorney, Steve Lister, blamed Biscardi for blowing his clients’ joke out of proportion. “It started off as some YouTube videos and a Web site,” said Whitton, “We’re all about having fun.” Whitton, 28, a Clayton County police officer for six years and on medical leave since he was shot in the wrist by a robbery suspect this spring, was fired by a hysterically irate Police Chief Jeffrey Turner Tuesday after news of the hoax spread. Dyer, 31, is a former Clayton County corrections officer. Though, according to their site, the pair are not averse to making money off their amusement. For $500, you can join them for a Bigfoot expedition. They also sell Sasquatch-related T-shirts and caps. The answering machine on a “tip line” connected to the pair’s Web site, which still advertises $499 Bigfoot “expeditions,” says they’re still out searching for Sasquatch — as well as leprechauns, dinosaurs, unicorns, Jimmy Hoffa and Elvis. http://www.ajc.com/metro/content/metro/ ... wsuit.html
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."
Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer, while a telephone repairman worked nearby. One preacher claimed, "Kneeling is definitely best." "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas," he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' upside down from a telephone pole in a thunderstorm."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jim Re: myMemorizer Hi Webby I enjoy starting every day with your email and thank Martin for recommending it. Check out mymemorizer.com and consider recommending it. Like so many people, I was forgetting appointments etc and putting them on the computer didn't help as I'd forget to look daily. Mymemorizer is like gmail - server based, and it's neatest feature is that it will send you up to 4 emails reminding you of appointments, birthdays, anniversaries etc. The emails can be sent on the day of the event, one day before, two days before, one week before or whatever you select AND, the event can repeat annually so you can put in birthdays and anniversaries once and forget them. Since it is server based, you also can access it from any computer with internet access using your id and pw. And, since we all open our mail the first thing every morning to look for our webby.com humor letter, we will NEVER forget another appointment. Jim Dear Jim I had a look at it, and was quite impressed. http://www.mymemorizer.com/ Unlike Rainlendar, which I have previously recommended, myMemorizer is not on your computer, but on a server. If something happens to your computer or you lose your data, your spouse's birthday and all other imprtant dates are still safely on-line in your myMemorizer. Don't look for longwinded instructions or help files. It is surprisingly easy to use. Just play with it. Thanks to Jim for this tip! I also put it into my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

One night a father was helping his son with his homework. The father asked, "What is the Gross National Product?" His son pondered for a minute and replied, "Spinach?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Routine Start getting your back to school routine started. Have your kids wake up and go sleep at the same time they will the week before school starts. Also serve dinner at the same time you will when school starts. It will make the transition much easier for them and for you. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: SP3 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 20, 2008

"In a time of drastic change it is the learners who inherit the future. The learned usually find themselves equipped to live in a world that no longer exists." --- Eric Hoffer
An Western Canadian was visiting Montreal and was wandering through a park with a local. Suddenly a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the visitor what the bird was, the Quebecer replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The Western Canadian walked on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it?"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture of her canna: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to crooked gas buyers in San Antonio Sent in by Deeli Not Neighborly SAN ANTONIO (UPI) -- A "pump malfunction" sold premium gasoline for 38 cents a gallon to crooked customers for several hours at a San Antonio convenience store, the manager says. Jim Duke, manager of the Dill Food Mart, said he checked it out Thursday after watching an unusually large crowd gassing up at one particular pump Wednesday afternoon. "I was inside and they were paying at the pump and nobody came in so nobody told me what was happening," Duke told WOAI-AM. He found to his chagrin that "a decimal point had slipped" and instead of selling premium gas for $3.89 a gallon, the pump was dispensing it for 38 cents a gallon. "We lost a lot of money," Duke said, although he wasn't sure yet how much. Business was way down at that pump Thursday afternoon. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A man returned from a very fancy hospital and was telling his friend all about his experience. Man: The hospital I was in was very specialized. Friend: How so ? Man: They had a food nurse who gave you food. They had a drug nurse who gave you drugs. They had a coffee nurse who gave you coffee. Then there was the head nurse...
The old man was a witness in a burglary trial.The defense lawyer asks Sam, "Did you see my client commit this burglary?" "Yes," said Sam , "I saw him plainly take the goods." The lawyer asks Sam again, "Sam, this happened at night. Are you sure you saw my client commit this crime?" "Yes" says Sam, "I saw him do it." Then the lawyer asks Sam, "Sam listen, you are 80 years old and your eyesight probably is bad. Just how far can you see at night?" Sam says, "I can see the moon, how far is that?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: SP3 Hi Webby, I have just received a Windows update that XPSP3 is ready to download. Is it safe to download it? Patricia Dear Patricia No, SP3 is not safe for all computers. You can download the SP3 BLOCKER from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby

There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later..."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Your Ideal Budget List everything and how much you spend each month. Then look for ways to cut spending in each category and then list the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the month, calculate your spending and see how close you came to meeting your ideal spending amounts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Budgeting Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_450.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Old man Zack had an incredible mule. They had been together for years and stayed pretty much to themselves. One day, Zack and his mule were walking down the road when a passerby asked if Zack needed a ride to town. Zack accepted the offer and the driver asked, "What about your mule?" Zack said, "Oh, don't worry about him. He'll keep up." Then Zack got into the truck while his mule ran along behind. The driver was a little cruel and decided to speed up a little. The mule was right in back of them as they reached 55 mph. The driver accelerated and the mule and stayed with them. They reached 70 miles per hour and the mule was still right behind them. The driver couldn't believe this. He turned to Zack and said, "I'm worried about your mule. His tongue is hanging out." Zack said, "Which way?" The driver said, "Left." And Zack said, "Well, stay in this lane, he's about to pass."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Montana plant life
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: leave the computer on or turn it off? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 19, 2008

Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. --- Peter De Vries By the time we've made it, we've had it. --- Malcolm Forbes
During class, the chemistry professor was demonstrating the properties of various acids. "Now I'm going to drop this silver coin into this glass of acid. Will it dissolve?" "No sir," one student called out. "No?" queried the professor. "Perhaps you can explain why the silver won't dissolve in this particular acid." "Because if it would, you wouldn't have dropped it in!"
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: :
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Belgian sports minister Michel Daerden Olympic drunk is sports minister A drunk fan of Olympic competitors from Belgium has been identified as the country's sports minister. A loud Belgian fan had been shouting out during a doubles match between Argentinian and Belgian players. Eventually Argentine tennis ace David Nalbandian lost his temper and told him to be quiet. But other Belgian supporters recognised the "very drunk" man as sports minister Michel Daerden, media in the country have reported. Daerden was also spotted drunk when cheering on the Belgian hockey team from the stands, say reports. One Belgian fan, Marc Demeyer, said: "He was drunk as a skunk. It's an embarrassment for the nation."
Two American women stopping at the Hotel in Lisbon wanted another chair in their room. The steward who answered their ring could not understand English. One of the women pointed to the only chair in the room, then tried pantomime, seating herself in an imaginary chair. With a knowing smile, the steward bowed and motioned for her to follow him. At the end of the corridor, he stopped, smiled, and bowed again, and pointed triumphantly to the door of the Ladies Room.
A doctor examined a woman and took her husband aside. "I don't want to alarm you," he said, "but I don't like the way your wife looks at all." "Me neither, Doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and real good with the kids."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Debby Re: leave computer on at night? Hi Webby, I leave my computer on 24/7. Should I turn it off at night? How much electricity is it using to keep it on? What is better for the machine. Love your advice and daily newsletter and jokes. This is not the first time I have picked your brain and probably won't be the last! Thanks Webby. Debby Dear Debby Yes, it is much better to turn your computer off at night. It saves electricity both directly and indirectly, since you don't need AC to get rid of the 500 Watts of heat it produces. So you actually save 1 KW per hour. Turning it off also saves wear and tear on the hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

On the first day of school, the principal made his rounds, and heard a terrible commotion coming from one of the classrooms. He rushed in and spotted one boy, taller than the others, who seemed to be making the most noise. He seized the lad, dragged him to the hall, and told him to wait there until he was excused. Returning to the classroom, the principal restored order and lectured the class for half an hour about the importance of good behavior. When he was finished, he said, "Now, are there any questions?" One girl stood up timidly and said, "Please, sir, may we have our teacher back?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crochet Ball Holder Install a toilet paper roll holder on the edge of your craft table to hold your crochet balls. It makes it easy to dispense yarn as your work on your project. If you want to use more than one color at the same time, you can install a more than one toilet paper holder. To See More ThriftyFun Craft Tips, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The tiresome jury selection process continued, each side hotly contesting and dismissing potential jurors. Another man was called for his question session. "Property holder?" "Yes, I am, Your Honor." "Married or single?" "Married for twenty years, Your Honor." "Formed or expressed an opinion?" "Not in twenty years, Your Honor."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: FREE Teacher Supplies: Also check out Lessontutor.com
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Browser crashes 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 18, 2008

Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
A busload of new recruits arrived at the reception center, and was greeted by an old drill sergeant. He began his speech: "Welcome to Fort Dix, men. From now on, I want you to think of the Army as your family and as your home." Hearing this, one of the recruits broke formation, sat down and lit a cigarette. "Private, what on earth are you doing?" asked the sergeant. "Well," said the private, "I'm just making myself at home. Like you said, this is my home." Thinking fast, the sergeant said, "Son, you listen good, and you're right. This is your home. So, as soon as you finish that cigarette, I want you to report to the mess hall to help your mother with the dishes for the next two weeks."
Thanks to Jai for this picture: : A photo I took of a butterfly on my Zinnia. It is in the Fritillary family, I do not know exactly which one tho. Jai...>^.^<...
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a burglar in Wichita, Kansas Sent in by Ross Burglar flees in boxers, with jeans left in washer A Kansas burglar apparently likes to be clean - but isn't so good about clean getaways. Police in Wichita say it appears a man broke into a house Friday night to wash his clothes but fled in boxers, with his jeans still in the washer. Here's what happened: A woman reported that she returned home, found her basement laundry room in disarray and went upstairs to call her husband. That's when a man wearing only blue boxer shorts came upstairs, grabbed her purse and ran out the door. Police Sgt. Diane Varnell says the woman chased him and recovered her purse, but the burglar is still on the loose. http://www.bakersfield.com/917/story/525830.html
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark has only 16 chapters. I will now proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Harry Re: IE crashing Dear Webby I run my machine as clean as fresh out of the box, but about two or three times a day, IE crashes. What is the cause of that? Harry Dear Harry the cause of that is sloppy programming. There is nothing you can do about it. It happens to me too, and seems to be related to some of the piece-meal bits of the SP3 that Microsoft rams down our hard drives with the regular updates. I don't think they are purposely trying to poison XP, it seems to be just routine klutziness. Just use FireFox. If you visit exactly the same sites in the same time period with FireFox, there won't be a single browser crash. For those sites that require IE, you can use Maxthon, the Chinese IE clone. It seems to be more stable than the original IE. Have FUN! DearWebby

The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organizing Baby Clothes Baby or toddler clothes often come in outfits, matching top and bottom, maybe even a hat and socks. To easily keep these items together, fold them and put them in large zip-lock bags before putting them away. You will be able to easily see the outfit and the bags and be used over and over again. For More Organizing Clothing Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_679.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I have a friend who filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," he thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World's largest truck stop
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Saving to CD 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 17, 2008

Procrastination isn't the problem, it's the solution. So procrastinate now, don't put it off. --- Ellen DeGeneres My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met. --- Rodney Dangerfield
A wife, one evening, drew her husband's attention to the young couple next door and said, "Do you see that couple? How devoted they are? He kisses her every time they meet. Why don't you do that?" "I would love to," replied the husband, "but I don't know her well enough..."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: :
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a school teacher in Haverfordwest, England Woman ‘tricked into sex’ by penis cream treatment A Syrian-born airline pilot allegedly tricked a schoolteacher from Haverfordwest into having sex with him by pretending he had to administer ointment on the end of his penis, a jury heard Tuesday. The teacher claims she put up with the treatment for nine months before telling her doctor. Sbano was arrested at Heathrow while attending a pilots' training facility. He claimed the woman had invented the entire story about the "treatment". Sbano, from Harrow, London, denies nine charges of rape and 11 or obtaining money by deception. During the trial, the prosecution had alleged that Syrian-born Mr Sbano fooled the woman into believing he could cure her herpes by having sex using cream. He was also accused of deceiving both the woman and her mother into giving him thousands of pounds to buy the cream and to receive treatment for cancer. The trial ended before Mr Sbano could give evidence, when the judge halted it because "matters had come to light which would require more investigation". http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/wales/6611735.stm
A boy was smoking and leaving smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"
A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "The company golf tournament tomorrow!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Save to CD OK I give up......I have been trying to figure out how to file to a CD. I have lots of recipes on my hard drive that I need to remove to another file (a CD). I have read the directions from the book that came with my computer....& I just can't figure out how to file to a CD. I have Outlook Express and Word XP on computer. There has got to be a simple easy way to do this. Can you help me? Mary in FL Dear Mary First save those files to an easy to find location, for example a desktop folder. Then put a writable CD into the burner. After a few seconds a File Explorer window will open, showing you the CD. Squish that File explorer window to the side, so that you can see it, and the desktop folder with the recipes. Highlight the recipe folder, hold down CTRL, and drag it to the File Explorer window that shows the CD. Don't take the CD out yet! Right-click in the File Explorer window and select "Write these files to CD". They are just ready to be written, but not completely nailed down yet. At this stage you can still weed out stuff like thumbs.db and similar accidentally copied but not needed files. After you click on "Write these files to CD", it is too late. Then they are already burned onto the CD. Once the burning has been completed, the CD tray usually opens automatically. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is on his death bed with his wife by his side. In his faint, dying breath he tells her that there are two times he suspects she cheated on him and he would like to know the truth, the whole truth, before he dies. Rather hesitantly, she agrees to tell him everything ... the full truth. "Well first," she begins, "remember when you lost your job and a week later you got it back with a big raise?" He slowly nods understandingly. Then she tells him, "Do you remember when the IRS was going to do the big audit on you and a week later they dropped the audit and gave us a big refund instead?" He again weakly nods in understanding. Then he strains to ask, "Were there any more times that you cheated on me." Even more hesitantly, she says "Yes dear. There was just one more time." "Ohhhh," he sighs in agony. "You must tell me." "Ok ... but only because you insist, dear," she stammers. "Remember the time when you were elected president of the golf club, but you were so sure you were going to lose by 23 votes?" "Oh yes ... I remember," winced the dying old man. SUDDENLY, he shot up in his bed and exclaimed, "DAMN ... and I won by 45 votes!!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Scorched Clothing If you accidentally scorch a cotton shirt with an iron, you may be able to save it. Quickly put the shirt in ice cold water and let it soak overnight. Then treat the stain and wash as normal. For More Laundry Tips on ThriftyFun, Click Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the priest. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the priest went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Art of Zaremba: (be sure to check out the galleries!)
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake invitations 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 16, 2008

Zoo: An excellent place to study the habits of human beings. --- Evan Esar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was talking on the phone with my son, who was stationed in Hawaii with the Air Force. He was explaining how the troops were learning to scuba-dive. "We used the buddy system," he said, "and occasionally dived into shark-infested waters." Listening on the extension, my daughter asked, "What do you do if you see a shark?" My son said, "Swim faster than my buddy."
Thanks to Noella for sending this picture taken by her son David with his cell phone: :
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Holly Highfield of Jacksonville, Florida Not safe to be let out in public JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Jacksonville, Fla., said they arrested a woman who allegedly crashed two cars and hit a bicyclist before fleeing authorities in the nude. Holly Highfield allegedly struck a bicyclist intentionally with her SUV before stripping off her clothes and allegedly attempting to make a getaway in another vehicle, WJXT-TV, Jacksonville, Fla., reported Tuesday. Children who were in the SUV with Highfield prior to the incident said she pointed out the bicyclist before striking him with the vehicle. "Do you think this biker is going to get hit? Do you have faith? Are you afraid?" she allegedly asked the children before steering the vehicle to strike the cyclist. A couple riding in a van stopped to help the bicyclist, who was hospitalized with non-life-threatening injuries, and police said Highfield jumped into the van and attempted to drive off but was foiled when the vehicle hit a nearby fence. Highfield, who police said appeared to be under the influence of drugs, was arrested and charged with battery, carjacking, driving under the influence while accompanied by a minor and DUI while causing damage to property. Other charges may be added. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where my husband was stationed in the military. As I checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked me some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. I told him that my mother-in-law had given me a parcel to take to her son. He looked at me very carefully and slowly asked, "Your mother-in-law? Does she like you? Maybe we better have some experts look at that package!"
The census taker rang the doorbell and was quite surprised when the door was opened by a nude woman. "Don't be alarmed," she said, "I'm a nudist." Although somewhat embarrassed, the man proceeded to ask the routine questions. When his asked, "How many children do you have?" The lady replied, "Ten." "Lady," he gasped, "you're not a nudist, you just don't have time to get dressed!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: Fake invitation Dear Webby, Thanks Webby for all your info and funnies. I received an email from a known email address, inviting me to join WAYN.com. Can you tell me about this WAYN.com Denny Dear Denise Never heard of it. Let the owner of that "known email address" tell you all about it. Stuff like that I dump instantly. If somebody is too lazy to tell me about it, but just wants to collect for finding yet another dumb sucker, then they can stuff it where the sun don't shine. Now they are probably sending out "invitations" with your address forged in. Yeah, I am an ornery old goat, but when it comes to weird sites, that attitude comes in handy. Have FUN! DearWebby Thanks Webby for your very prompt reply. I forgot to mention that my friend did not send me the email, however it came from her email address. I emailed her and she told me that she did not send the email and did not know anything about WAYN.com Thanks Denise

Once in a corner near the fireplace, Uncle Ezra had been working industriously with a stub pencil and a piece of paper. Suddenly he looked up and smiled. He exclaimed, "Doggoned it Maw, I done learned to write." Maw got up and looked over his shoulder at the lines scrawled across the paper. "What does it say?" Maw asked. Uncle Ezra said, "I don't know, I ain't learned to read yet."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping For Back To School Clothing Before shopping for clothes, take stock of what you have, starting with the oldest child first.Then make a list of the items that are needed and establish a budget. If at all possible, try to do the bulk of your back to school shopping a week after school starts. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two elderly people are living in a Florida mobile home park. He's a widower and she's a widow. They've known each other for quite a number of years. One evening there's a community supper and these two are at the same table. As the meal goes on, he gives her a few admiring glances and finally gathers up the gumption to ask her: "Will you marry me?" After a few seconds of 'careful consideration,' she smiles: "Yes, Yes, I will!" Their meal ends and with a few more pleasant exchanges they return to their respective residences. Next morning, the old man is troubled. "Did she say 'yes' or did she say 'no'?" He can't remember. Try as he will, he just can't bring it back. With trepidation, he goes to the telephone and calls her. First, he explains to her that he doesn't remember as well as he used to. Then he reviews their lovely evening together. As he gains a little more courage, he inquires, "When I asked if you would marry me, did you say 'Yes' or did you say 'No'?" To his great delight he hears her say "Why, I said, 'Yes, yes I will' and I meant it with all my heart." Then she continues, "And I am so glad that you called, dear, because I couldn't remember who asked me!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cloud Appreciation Society
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Running programs on removeable drives 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 15, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Traditions are group efforts to keep the unexpected from happening. --- Barbara Tober
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A bricklayer at my husband's construction job routinely complained about the contents of his lunch box. "I'm sick and tired of getting the same old thing!" he shouted one day. "Tonight, I'll set my wife straight." The next day, the men could hardly wait until lunchtime to hear what happened. "You bet I told her off," the bricklayer boasted. "I said, 'No more of the same old stuff. Be creative!' We had one heck of a fight, but I got my point across." He had indeed. In front of an admiring audience, he opened his lunch box to find that his wife had packed a coconut and a hammer. He is now dating the sandwich girl from the Deli.
Thanks to Verue in Louisiana for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Candy Klein, 37, of Rapid City, South Dakota Drunk driver asked deputy for help STURGIS, S.D. (UPI) -- An alleged drunken driver near Sturgis, S.D., stopped for directions at a residence that turned out to be the home of a sheriff's deputy, authorities said. Meade County Sheriff Ron Merwin said Candy Klein, 37, became lost while allegedly driving under the influence of alcohol and stopped for directions at a home of a female sheriff's deputy, the Rapid City Journal reported. Merwin said the deputy, whose name was not released, suspected Klein was intoxicated and refused to allow her to drive. He said the suspect then became enraged and attacked the deputy. The sheriff said Klein was arrested and charged with felony driving under the influence and simple assault of a law enforcement officer. Suspect allegedly stole clothes to hide. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
My sister had been ill, so I called to see how she was doing. My ten-year-old niece answered the phone 'Hello,' she whispered. 'Hi, honey. How's your mother?' I asked. 'She's sleeping,' she answered, again in a whisper. 'Did she go to the doctor?' I asked. 'Yes. She got some medicine,' my niece said softly. 'Well, don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?' Again in a soft whisper, she answered, 'Practicing my trumpet.'
Thanks to Cookie for this story: On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question. 'Dad, I know that babies come from mommies' tummies, but how do they get there in the first place?' he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile, my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. 'You don't have to make something up, Dad. It's OK if you don't know the answer.'
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Running programs on a removable drive Dear Webby, I have given up on CD's, as you say you can only rewrite a few times, found that a Attaché USB 2.0 Drive is just what I need. Another question on this, could one down load QUICKEN on this and keep it off the main drive? Roland Dear Roland Yes, sure. Just select the E: drive as the drive to install it to. When it is plugged in, it acts just like any other hard drive. You can run any program, even the Operating System, on any drive. Because most viruses and trojans look for the Windows registry on the C: drive, I frequently partition the primary hard drive into C: and E:, and put XP onto the E: drive. Some programs need access to the Windows Registry to hide their serial number and pass codes, but the bulk of the program, and especially the data produced by it, can be on any drive. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Cookie for tis story: My wife left the car unattended for only a minute, but it was long enough for our two-year-old to climb in, throw the car into reverse and crash into a lamppost. He was fine, but the car wasn't, and I had a hard time explaining who was behind the wheel to the insurance company. After a pause, the adjuster asked, 'Do you let him drive often?'

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Back To School Schedules Create a back to school schedule for the family to help eliminate the stress of starting school again. Write down what time everyone should wake up to make sure they can eat, shower, get dressed and get out the door on time with the least amount of stress. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lunatic is sitting in his cell playing solitaire. Another patient, who has been watching, suddenly cries, "Wait a minute! I just caught you cheating yourself." The first man puts his finger to his lips. "Shhh," he whispers. "Don't tell anybody, but I've been cheating myself at solitaire for years." "You don't say," says his surprised pal. "Don't you ever catch yourself cheating?" The first man shakes his head. "Naw," he says proudly. "I'm much too clever."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sea Eagle and tennis balls
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Storage Media 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 14, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Discovery consists of seeing what everybody has seen and thinking what nobody has thought. --- Albert Szent-Gyorgyi Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. --- Laurence J. Peter
The teacher asked, "Johnny, did your mother help you with your homework last night?" Little Johnny said, "No, she did it all."
Thanks to Joan for forwarding this picture by her friend Shari: Double rainbow over Big Lake, Alaska
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, Sent in by Ross Australian man with rifle and 10lbs of pot caught driving over 90mph while taping himself masturbating Father of three Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, told the court he was masturbating before being pulled over by police for driving over 90mph and recording himself on video as well. Erhardt -- who was disqualified from driving -- also told officers his act was "not dangerous'' as the "only person he could hurt was himself''. In the car was a loaded .22 rifle, a cooler in the trunk containing over 10 pounds of cannabis, drug pipes, and a back seat with cannabis plants on it. The "visibly agitated" Erhardt said he planned on smoking it all at home in Noonamah, Australia. He said the drugs were found at a rest stop, and that the rifle was for shooting kangaroos as he drove. Brendon Alan Erhardt, 39, was granted bail so he could marry his girlfriend of six months before he goes to jail. Details are at http://www.ntnews.com.au/article/2008/0 ... tnews.html
Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box.
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Storage media Hi Webby, I guess I'm still in the dark ages. I either save documents to my hard drive or to my A drive on a floppy. I want to get more modern, but am not sure about CD's. I know one can save information on a CD but can you write over it, such as to edit a document? Thanks ....... Carol Dear Carol There ARE re-writabe CD's, but there is a limit to how often you can re-write them. They tend to become useless without warning. A much better solution is to buy a USB hard drive enclosure and stick a hard drive into it. Quite often the drive from a retired machine is good enough for that. You can also get brand new drives now at incredible bargains. I have seen 500 GB drives advertised for around $100. Check priceGrabber for a store near you. You probably have a 20 or 40 GB drive now. Imagine the storage on a 250 GB or 500 GB drive! Have FUN! DearWebby

An aspiring young actor asked a young lady's father if he could have his daughter's hand in marriage. The father said, "I would never let my daughter marry an actor." The actor said, "Sir, I think you may change your mind if you see me perform. Won't you at least come and see the play?" So the father went to see the play, and the next day he called the actor, "You were right. I did change my mind. Go ahead and marry my daughter. You're no actor. Don't give up your day job just yet!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse One easy way to prevent pen ink from leaking in your purse or briefcase is to store your pens in a plastic travel toothbrush holder. Even pens with caps can sometimes break and leak. Visit ThriftyFun For More Helpful Ideas. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I was on a panel for prospective jury duty. The first lawyer questioning us began right off as an intimidating showman. When he came to his question, "Do any of you here today dislike lawyers?" Before the pause became too long, the judge announced, "I do."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Denali Park
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
For more ezines, check the Ezine Directory: The Ezine Directory Top 20 Ezines





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Dear Webby: RoboForm 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 13, 2008

Advertising is the modern substitute for argument; its function is to make the worse appear the better. --- George Santayana
Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this Classic: A new priest, born and raised in Texas, is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks the older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple of confessions' and then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions. The old priest suggests, 'Cross your arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand and try saying things like 'yes, I see,' and 'yes, go on,' and 'I understand.' The new priest crosses his arms, rubs his chin with his hand and repeats all the suggested remarks to the old priest. The old priest says, 'Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying, 'No sh**... what happened next?'
Thanks to Guinn and JoAnn for this picture: Today's picture of a hawk is indeed a Cooper's. We also have a resident Cooper's and , beliefve it or not, we were preparing to send OUR picture to you today also! Guinn and JoAnn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kirk Gossett in Gilbert, Arizona Too dumb to use an umbrella GILBERT, Ariz. (UPI) -- The insurer for an Arizona high school has rejected a father's claim for damages because this year's graduation ceremony was held in the rain. Kirk Gossett sought $400 from the Arizona School Risk Retention Trust for a sports coat he says was ruined while he watched his son graduate from Gilbert High School and for the cost of flying his daughter from Utah for the ceremony, The Arizona Republic reports. Insurance adjuster Thomas Mullen, in a letter rejecting the claim, said that the high school made a "good faith effort" to hold the ceremony and to do the best by its graduates and their families. While some schools in the area moved graduation indoors because of the unexpected, and, for Arizona, unusual, rain, Gilbert officials decided to go ahead with an outdoor ceremony. "The fact that it rained and caused some disruption and an abbreviated ceremony is unfortunate but does not create a liability," Mullen said. Assistant Gilbert Superintendent Clyde Dangerfield said the rain was the first he has seen on graduation day in 15 years in the town. He said Gossett's claim was a first too.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I heard the dog barking before he and his owner actually barreled into our vet practice. Spotting a training video we sell, the owner wisely decided to buy one. "How does this work?" she asked, handing me a check. "Do I just have him watch this?"
The world's first fully computerized airliner was ready for its maiden flight without pilots or crew. The plane taxied to the loading area automatically, its doors opened automatically, the steps came out automatically. The passengers boarded the plane and took their seats. The steps retreated automatically, the doors closed, and the airplane taxied toward the runway. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen," a computer voice intoned. "Welcome to the debut of the world's first fully computerized airliner. Everything on this aircraft is run electronically. Just sit back and relax. Nothing can go wrong ... Nothing can go wrong...nothing can go wrong...."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: RoboForm Thank you for the info but is this Roboform for anyone such as an armature like me that is new to the Internet also do they charge. Dear Robert Yes, RoboForm is 100% safe. I would not give them a link in the Humor Letter every day, if it was not perfectly safe. I have used it for many years, and would be totally lost without it. And Yes, anybody can use Roboform. The free version is for amateurs and small businesses, and they have a paid version for big business. Both work fine and are easy to use. You can get the free version at http://webby.com/roboform or from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. Have FUN! DearWebby

Why do Italian organ grinders always have a monkey with them? Somebody has to do the bookkeeping.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peeling Hard-Cooked Eggs Tap the egg on the counter all over to crack the eggshell in several places. Rub the cracked egg between your hands to loosen the eggshell. Then dip the egg in a bowl of ice cold water and begin peeling. Don't forget to add the shells to the compost or some of your houseplants! Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dear Mom and Dad, We are having a great time here at Lake Typhoid. Scoutmaster Webb is making us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and were worried. We are okay. Only 1 of our tents and 2 sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Chad when it happened. Oh yes, please call Chad's mother and tell her he is okay. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the Search and Rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Chad for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Chad said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did, also, some of our clothes. John is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked just fine when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that when a car is that old, you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if its hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching Terry how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim and Chad was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad when we lost the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car, so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. He said next time he is going to steal a much newer one. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Dave dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Wade and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Cole P.S. How long has it been since I had a tetanus shot?

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Untamed Animal Photos
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: PowerPoint Defaults 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 12, 2008

Watch for falling stars tonight!
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The other day, my wife and I got into some petty argument. (I say it was petty. She would say it was Armageddon). As is our nature, neither of us would admit the possibility, that we might be in error. To her credit, she finally said, "Look, I'll tell you what. I'll admit I'm wrong if you admit I was right." "Fine," I said. She took a deep breath, looked me in the eye and said, "I'm wrong." I grinned and replied, "You're right."
Thanks to Joan for this picture: IN OUR 5 acre yard.... this is a YOUNG COOPERS HAWK... (we think) He and another one have been hanging around for about a week or ten days. I caught them playing together one day. Joan
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alaska's Division of Elections Sent in by Ross Kodiak voters get Tagalog election pamphlets Many Kodiak residents were a bit confused when they received election pamphlets urging them to "Bumoto!" The pamphlets for four ballot initiatives being decided Aug. 26 weren't in English but in Tagalog, a language widely spoken in the Philippines. An apparent mix-up at the printers was discovered when a resident called Alaska's Division of Elections looking for an English version. Division of Elections spokeswoman Shelly Growden expects pamphlets printed in English to be in voters' mailboxes shortly after the election. Meanwhile, both English and Tagalog versions of the pamphlet are available on the division's Web site: http://www.elections.alaska.gov.
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."
A travelling salesman finds himself stranded in the tiniest town in Australia. He knocks on the door of a little hotel. "Sorry, we don't have a spare room," says the manager, "but you're welcome to share with a little red-headed schoolteacher, if that's okay." "Oh, that'll be great," says the salesman, grinning from ear to ear. "And don't worry, I'll be a real gentleman." "Just as well," says the manager. "So will the little red-headed schoolteacher."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Powerpoint defaults Dear Webby; I have Open Office, as you suggest, and also power point, however when I open a PP type presentation it opens in Open Office and I would much prefer the PP presentation. How do I configure Open Office so PP is the "prefered" program for those presentations please without having to go to the F5 key.. Thanks as always for your help. Ann Dear Ann By default, a.ppt file opens as an automatically running slide show, pps opens as a working view with the thumbnails on the left and the big pictures on the right. If you want a file to always open as a running slide show, just rename it's extension to ppt. That doesn't change the file, it just tells programs how you want them to open that file. Have FUN! DearWebby

I can't say I've ever gotten a shave from a barber, but I've seen others who have. I was in a shop once, and an obviously new barber nicked a customer several times while giving him a shave. The new man, in an effort to smooth things over asked solicitously, "Do you want your head wrapped in a hot towel?" "No thanks." said the customer. "I'll carry it home under my arm."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Going to a New School If your kids are going to new school, take a tour of the campus before school starts so they can get a feel for the layout. It will make their first day of school much less stressful if they know the lay of the land. Check with your school to see if they offer an orientation for new students. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Our high school principal has each teacher report class attendance over the intercom. The instructor must state the number of students present by gender, for example, "I have fourteen boys and thirteen girls in attendance." One day our principal was more than a little miffed at having to remind several teachers of the correct procedure. He was apparently somewhat forgetful, too, when he checked on the girls' physical-education instructor. "I have twenty- seven pupils present, sir," she announced. "Lady," he shouted through the intercom, "I need sex!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 50th Anniversary of NASA
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Power Point Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 11, 2008

Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable. --- Fran Lebowitz Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away. --- Antoine de Saint-Exupery
You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old did you say you are?" "I am seventy-eight," the man said proudly. "Seventy-eight!" the doctor exclaimed. "That's great. You look like a sixty year old. How do you stay so healthy?" The old man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married. Whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. And the old man said, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
This restaraunt owner in China used an online translation site to translate the name of his shop for the Olympics.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to an Israeli couple currently in Paris 'Don't we have five children?' Staff at an airport in Israel have found a three-year-old girl alone in a duty-free shop after her parents accidentally took a plane without her. The parents boarded the flight to Paris from Ben Gurion Airport with four of their five children, reports the BBC. The parents did not realise their mistake until the captain of the plane informed them after take-off, according to police. The girl was put on the next flight to Paris. The parents will be questioned when they return to Israel. "It is usual that travellers in a rush forget their luggage but not a child. This never happens," a police official said.
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard said, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
I stopped at the local Burger King for a cold drink and was reading the menu over the counter. I noticed a sign to the side that stated "Picture Menu Available". I had to ask the clerk what it was for and she told me that they had a number of customers who couldn't read and they used that. Of course, I asked how they would know this picture menu was available and her answer was the classic, "Well, it says so on the sign, doesn't it?"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Powerpoint viewer problem Dear Webby; Thanks for your help with the everyday problems of PC use. For some reason, I can no longer view Powerpoint links sent to me by friends. I have downloaded the MS links that are available (Powerpoint viewing, etc). I have MS Word (2003) and MS Works. Now when slide presentations are sent me I get the first picture and then a box asking for me 13 (or however many) Product code #'s. What is my best solution? Thanks in advance for your help. hank Dear Hank Just get Open Office from http://download.openoffice.org/ It has a PPT reader included. I haven't used the Microsoft PPT reader in years. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young mother of a newborn girl announced to her husband, "I've made up my mind. We'll call our daughter Eulalia." The new father did not care for this choice at all, but he was a very tactful young man. He said, "That's fine, honey. The first girl I loved was named Eulalia, and it will evoke pleasant memories." The wife was silent for a moment, then said, "We'll call her Mary after my mother."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ironing Tip: Ironing Ribbons When ironing ribbons that are difficult to lay flat try holding the end of the ribbon down with your thumb and pull the iron towards you. It's much easier than trying to push the iron forward over an unruly and wrinkled ribbon. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clothing And Laundry Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_Laundry_296_318.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

I saw a news story about a family of ten in Tennessee who were struck by lightning at the burial of one of their family members. Was this God's way of telling the preacher not to lie? "We all know Billy-Bob was a GOOD man . . . " KAZZZZAAAP! "Ok, ok, he was a devoted father . . . " KAZZZAAAAP! "Jesus!" ZAAAP! "Look, we're all just relieved he was wearing clothes when we found him!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Molly, Symbol of Hope
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Remove antivirus 2009 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 10, 2008

A single death is a tragedy; a million deaths is a statistic. --- Joseph Stalin Computer dating is fine, if you’re a computer. --- Rita Mae Brown Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all. --- Socratex
Two older gentleman were talking and one said to the other, "You're having an anniversary soon, right?" The other replied, "Yup, a big one... 20 years." "Wow," said the other, "what are you going to get your wife for your anniversary?" The other replied, "We're going on a trip to Australia." "Wow, Australia, that's some gift!" said the other man. "That's going to be hard to beat. What are you going to do for your 25th anniversary?" "Go back and get her."
Thanks to Eric for sendng this picture: This restaraunt owner in China used an online translation site to translate the name of his shop for the Olympics.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Teah Limitone, 22, of Seminole, Florida Nude passenger leads to five-car crash SEMINOLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Seminole, Fla., said a five-car wreck was caused by a motorist who was distracted by a naked woman changing clothes in her back seat. Pinellas County sheriff's deputies said Teah Limitone, 22, was traveling north in the middle lane of Seminole Boulevard when she heard her changing passenger, Ayla Gabriel, make a distressed-sounding noise, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times reported. The deputies said Limitone turned her head to see if Gabriel was alright and ran a red light while she was not looking at the nude Ayla instead of the road. Limitone's 2003 Acura struck a 2000 Saturn in the intersection before sliding between two cars in the southbound lanes and striking a fourth vehicle. Deputies said Limitone was issued a citation for running a red light after the July 21 incident. No serious injuries were reported.
A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, Preparing for a religious wedding Meets with their rabbi for counseling. The rabbi asks if they have any last questions before they leave. The man asks, "Rabbi, we realize it's tradition For men to dance with men, and Women to dance with women at the reception. But we'd like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world. "Absolutely not," says the rabbi. "It's immodest. Men and women always dance separately." "So after the ceremony I can't even dance with my own wife?" "No," answered the rabbi. "It's forbidden." "Well, okay," says the man, "What about sex? Can we finally have sex?" "Of course!" replies the rabbi. "Sex is a mitzvah a good thing within marriage, To have children!" "What about different positions?" Asks the man "No problem," says the rabbi "It's a mitzvah!" "Woman on top?" the man asks. "Sure," says the rabbi. "Go for it! It's a mitzvah!" "Doggy style?" "Sure! Another mitzvah!" "On the kitchen table?" "Yes, yes! A mitzvah!" "Can we do it on rubber sheets With a bottle of hot oil, A couple of vibrators, A leather harness, A bucket of honey and a porno video?" "You may indeed. It's all a mitzvah!" "Can we do it standing up?" "No." says the rabbi." "Why not?" asks the man. "Could lead to dancing!"
Morty and Saul, are out one afternoon on a lake when their boat starts sinking. Saul the banker says to Morty, "So listen, Morty, you know I don't swim so well." Morty remembered how to carry another swimmer from his lifeguard class when he was just a kid. So Morty is begins tugging Saul toward shore. After twenty minutes, he begins to tire. Finally about 50 feet from shore, Morty asks Saul, "So Saul, do you suppose you could float alone?" Saul replies, "Morty, this is a hell of a time to be asking for money!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: antivirus 2009 If you get a PopUp that mentions antivirus 2009, don't click Yes, and don't click No. Close it, shut down or pull the plug. But don't click anywhere in that pop-up. It is ransom ware, they demand money to get rid of it. Dianne Dear Dianne antivirus2009 is a clone of antivirus2008 and just as difficult to remove, if you don't have top tier protection. The least painful removal is with Anti-Malware from Malwarebytes Have FUN! DearWebby

The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal. "But the other brother studied hard and became a successful, knowledgeable lawyer. "Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who both started out in the same place?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shopping for Back To School Supplies Take stock of what school supplies you already have, check that against the list provided by the school. Most schools now post their school supply lists online and at office supply stores. You can find great deals on school supplies after school starts when stores mark down their leftover stock. Visit ThriftyFun for more Back To School Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Back%20To%20School_2.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A cute young woman was giving a manicure to a man in the barber shop. The man said, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answered. With a wink he said, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she said, "he's shaving you."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake IE7 nudge 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  August 9, 2008

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."
Thanks to Bernie for sendng this picture of a hot squirrel:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 26 teen cheerleaders in Texas 26 teen cheerleaders rescued from elevator How many cheerleaders can cram into an elevator? Apparently not 26. A group of teenage girls attending a cheerleading camp on the University of Texas got stuck and had to be rescued after trying to squeeze into an elevator at a residence hall Tuesday night. One girl fainted and was treated at a hospital and released. Two others were treated at the scene. The elevator doors refused to open after the pack of 14- to 17-year-olds descended from the fourth to the first floor, police said. Responding to a few panicked cell phone calls from the group, police and firefighters summoned an elevator repairman, who spent about 25 minutes extricating them. Campus officials weren't amused. "It's dangerous, actually," said a school police spokeswoman, Rhonda Weldon. "They're lucky that that's all that happened."
Little Johnny had bought Grandma a book for her birthday and wanted to write a suitable inscription. He racked his brain until suddenly he remembered that his father had a book with an inscription of which he was very proud, so Johnny decided to copy it. You can imagine Grandma's surprise when she opened her book, a Bible, and found neatly inscribed the following phrase: "To Grandma, with the compliments of the author."
There was this gracious lady mailing an old family Bible to her brother in another part of the country. "Is there anything breakable in here?" asked the postal clerk. "Only the Ten Commandments," answered the lady.
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Microsoft Re: IE7 latest version I had a good laugh today. Emails from from "admin@microsoft.com", not asking me to stop pointing out Vista problems, but inviting me to download the latest version of IE7 ! DUH! I use and recommend the IE7 BLOCKER. Why would I want to download the latest version of a program that I am blocking? MailWasher flagged them as spam, but the sender name caught my eye. Closer inspection revealed that the sender address was From: "admin@microsoft.com" That was what had triggered MailWasher. The download link didn't go to Microsoft either. It went to dariocondes.iespana.es/images/update.exe The site appears to be a juvenile dating site, that allows members to upload their images, or vicious trojans. They are too dumb to restrict uploads to JPG or GIF. If you see ANY solicitation to update or upgrade, dump it. When you do want an update, use a fresh browser window and go straight to the vendor's site by typing it into the address bar. Don't jump there from a link. Have FUN! DearWebby

"The doctor said he would have me on my feet in two weeks." "Was he successful?" "Yup, I had to sell my car to pay his bill."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Firewood Tips: Hardwood Burns Longers When getting firewood, remember hardwood will burn twice as long as softwood. So just because a cord of softwood might be cheaper doesn't mean you are getting a good deal. Examples of softwood: Pine, Fir, Cedar. Examples of hardwood: Oak, Ash, Madrona. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips For Your Fireplace Or Stove http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_586.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

As I left the grocery store, I noticed two little kids, maybe six or seven years old, selling candy bars in front of the store to raise money for their school band. "I'll buy a chocolate bar on one condition," I said to the boys. "You eat it for me." I bought one and handed the candy back to one of the boys. He shook his head. "I can't," he said. "Why not?" Looking me in the eye, he responded gravely, "I'm not supposed to take candy from strangers."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: CrapCleaner and passwords 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  August 8, 2008

Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

There are only two kinds of scholars; those who love ideas and those who hate them. --- Emile Chartier
Thanks to Dianne for bringing back this classic: As the bus stopped and it was her turn to get on, she became aware that her leather skirt was too tight to allow her leg to come up to the height of the first step of the bus. Slightly embarrassed and with a quick smile to the bus driver, she reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little, thinking that this would give her enough slack to raise her leg. She tried to take the step, only to discover that she couldn't. So, a little more embarrassed, she once again reached behind her to unzip her skirt a little more, and for the second time attempted the step. Once again, much to her chagrin, she could not raise her leg. With a little smile to the driver, she again reached behind to unzip a little more and again was unable to take the step. About this time, a large Texan who was standing behind her picked her up easily by the waist and placed her gently on the step of the bus. She went ballistic and turned to the would-be Samaritan and screamed, 'How dare you touch my body! I don't even know who you are!' The Texan smiled and drawled, 'Well, ma'am, normally I would agree with you, but after you unzipped my fly three times, I kinda figured we was friends.'
Thanks to Marie for sendng this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jomo Sexton, 34 of Salinas, California Car thief turned in car jacker SALINAS, Calif. (UPI) -- Police said a Salinas, Calif., man stole a Chevy pickup truck only hours before the vehicle was taken from him at gunpoint. Police Cmdr. Kelly McMillin said Edward Bishop, 33, complained to police that after he stole the Chevrolet Silverado truck at about 1 a.m. Saturday, that later that day, another man, -- identified by police as Jomo Sexton, 34 -- entered the truck and pointed a gun at him. He told police Sexton made him drive around Salinas. When the truck ran out of gas, Jomo told Bishop to push the truck, at which point Bishop said he escaped and phoned police. Bishop was arrested on suspicion of vehicle theft and booked into the Monterey County Jail. Jomo Sexton was taken to a hospital for treatment after crashing the stolen truck into a flag pole in front of Salinas Fire Station II the next day, and was then released into police custody. He was arrested on suspicion of kidnapping, carjacking, reckless driving, driving under the influence, unlicensed driving, hit and run and violating his parole. "You couldn't make up something stranger than this," McMillin said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist,"the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came."
An Amish boy and his father were visiting a mall. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. The boy asked his father, "What is this, Father?" The father [never having seen an elevator] responded "Son, I have never seen anything like this in my life, I don't know what it is." While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out. The father said to his son, "Go get your mother."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: CrapCleaner and passwords Webby, I notice when I use Crap Cleaner, it wipes out all the passwords I have used before. Will it do that to Robo Form too if I download it? Carolyn Dear Carolyn You can check and uncheck a whole bunch of stuff in CrapCleaner. If you have a checkmark on Cookies, then of course all those passwords, that are held in cookies, are dumped. I don't use a checkmark on cookies. CrapCleaner does not interfere or mess with RoboForm at all. Roboform stores it's stuff securely encrypted in a special place, not in cookies. Have FUN! DearWebby

Mother: "Soooo... you want to become my son-in-law." Suitor: "No, not really, but I don't see any other way to marry your daughter."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Moving Check List Large markers to mark boxes. Free boxes from home improvement stores, liquor stores and grocery stores. A moving dolly. Moving blankets or old blankets for padding. Packing tape. Twine, rope or clothesline. Newspaper, newsprint, boxes and large plastic bags for packing items. Visit ThriftyFun For More Moving Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Mo ... 9_693.html Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man is a person who, if a woman says, "Never mind, I'll do it myself;" lets her. A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her; gets mad. A man is a person who, if a woman says to him, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad; says, "Now what are you mad about?" A woman is a person who, if she says to a man, "Never mind, I'll do it myself," and he lets her and she get mad, and he says, "Now what are mad about?" says "If you don't know I'm not going to tell you.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Old cars and trucks
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How do I send pictures? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  August 7, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

The only difference between a rut and a grave is their dimensions. --- Ellen Glasgow
A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying."
Swift Current Creek Glacier National Park
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to US organized labor, all the big unions in the US. Sent in by Jolie US Organized Labor too chicken to defend Labor Day When a noisy Islam minority at Tyson foods in Shelbyville, Tennessee wanted a paid Muslim holiday in exchange for Labor Day, Tyson agreed. They didn't give up MLK day, or President's day, but LABOR day, the day legislated in the 1880s to honor ALL workers! And what did organized labor, all the big unions, do about having THEIR day trashed and replaced by a Muslim holiday? Apparently it wouldn't be demoohcratic and might upset Obama, if the big unions made a ruckus defending their day. So they meekly chickened out and pretended it did not happen. Independence day is next. http://www.onenewsnow.com/Business/Defa ... ?id=204060 If Labor Day is taken away from you in your town, you are most welcome to come to Canada and celebrate Labor Day here. On Labor Day.
"And will there be anything else, Ma'am?" the bellboy asked after setting out an elaborate dinner for two. "No, thank you," the lady replied. "That will be all." As the young man turned to leave, he noticed silk pajamas on the chair by the bed. "Anything for your husband?" he asked. "Nah," the lady said. "I'll pick up a postcard for him in the morning."
Some race horses staying in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Daaaaaaaamn!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joanne Re: Sending pictures Dear Webby, How does one go about sending a picture for your consideration? Sincerely, Joanne Dear Joanne Just hit REPLY on the Humor Letter, delete most of it, since I already know what I wrote, write on top what you want to tell me, and attach the pictures. Have FUN! DearWebby

Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she steered the boat to shore and docked it. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner and wash the dishes."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Toys - Squirt Bottles Water fights can be a lot of fun in the summer time. Squirt bottles and spray bottles for dish soap or hand soap that are thoroughly cleaned can make great water guns for small children. Fill up some water balloons as well and let the games begin. Visit ThriftyFun For More Summer Fun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_Sum ... _4980.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After 4 years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three ads that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't waste your time with the one in the second column. It's me."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Museum of Flight
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Fake Flash Player update nudge 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  August 6, 2008

It takes hundreds of nuts to hold a car together, but it takes only one of them to scatter it all over the highway. --- Evan Esar,
A kind-hearted fellow was walking through Central Park in New York and was astonished to see an old man, fishing rod in hand, fishing over a beautiful bed of red roses. "Tsk Tsk!" said the passerby to himself. "What a sad sight. That poor old man is fishing over a bed of flowers. I'll see if I can help." So the kind fellow walked up to the old man and asked, "What are you doing, my friend?" "Fishin', sir." "Fishin', eh. Well how would you like to come have a drink with me?" The old man stood, put his rod away and followed the kind stranger to the corner bar. He ordered a large glass of vodka and a fine cigar. His host, the kind fellow, felt good about helping the old man, and he asked, "Tell me, old friend, how many did you catch today ?" The old fellow took a long drag on the cigar, blew a careful smoke ring and replied, "You are the sixth today, sir!"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Virginia DMV and Geralynn Banks Government con-artists? PORTSMOUTH, Va. (UPI) -- A Portsmouth, Va., woman said she is being sued by the state for $75,000 after she backed into another car during a Department of Motor Vehicles road test. Antoinette Bowser said she learned recently -- two years after the failed road test -- that the state expects her to pay the fine to cover the medical expenses and lost wages of the DMV employee administering the test, The (Norfolk, Va.) Virginian-Pilot reported. The state's lawsuit claims Bowser hit the car with such "force and violence" that the employee, Geralynn Banks, suffered "great pain of body and mind." However, Bowser said she recalls the accident as a minor fender-bender. "I know I walked away. And I know she walked away," she told the newspaper. Bowser, who has yet to get her driver's license, said she doesn't know how she could afford to pay the fine. "I don't have $75,000 laying around," Bowser said to The Virginian-Pilot. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ------------ Normally instructors and testers are responsible for the actions and results of their clients, and their insurance covers it all. Personally, when I see "great pain of body and mind." due to a minor fender bender, my BS detector beeps.
A woman went to a discount store to purchase several items. When she finally got to the checker, she learned one of her items had no price. She thought she'd die of embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear, "Price check on lane thirteen. Tampax. Supersize." As if that wasn't bad enough, the person looking for the price misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "Thumbtacks." In a businesslike tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom, "Do you want the kind you push in with your thumb or the kind you pound in with a hammer?"
Thanks to Bri for this one: My boyfriend and I were at my son's volleyball game when we noticed an adult couple in the bleachers. They were being VERY affectionate. She was running her hands all over him and nibbling on his ear. He had his hands on her chest. I said to my boyfriend, "I don't know whether to watch them or the game." He said, "Watch THEM! You already KNOW how to play volleyball...."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Express Empress Re: Fake Flash Player update Is this scary stuff about fake Flash player updates real, or just scaremongering? http://snipurl.com/3bhc9 Cheers EE Dear EE It is real, though not very common in NorthAmerica yet. So far it seems to be confined mostly to Europe. If some site tells you that you need to update your flash player to see what they got, don't click on anything, just get out of there fast, before you get skunked with trojans and back-doors. If you think your Flash player needs to be updated or upgraded, close all browser windows, open a new one and go straight to http://adobe.com, click on Downloads and select Flash Player. The same advice of course also goes for update nudges for other programs, like Media Player. Always go to the real and legitimate source. Have FUN! DearWebby

A farmer called my veterinary office and asked me to make a house call. Because the road was closed, he parked his ancient pickup in a field for me to drive the rest of the way. But once behind the wheel, I realized the brakes didn't work. The truck sped toward the stable, across the farmyard, into the barn, and embedded itself in a gigantic haystack. Sweating, I climbed out and apologized. "Don't worry," the farmer said to me. "That's how I stop the truck too."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Camping Bowl An empty plastic soda bottle, cut off to a convenient height, will work as a camp bowl. You may want to sandpaper the cut to smooth the edge. Then you can just toss it when you return home. Visit ThriftyFun For More Recreation Tips by clicking here. http://www.thriftyfun.com/Recreation_1808.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A little boy got lost at the YWCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Pilobolus
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Mouse problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  August 5, 2008

Ability will never catch up with the demand for it. --- Malcolm Forbes
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
Thanks to Dad for this picture: This one bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Minneapolis, MN police chief Sent in by Judy Rewards for raiding wrong house Here is another example of "police doing wrong" and being rewarded for it. Last Dec. an informant gave the wrong address to the Minneapolis police department. If they had looked up the address in the reverse phone directory they would have found that the last name of the owner of the house was not who they were looking for, or even the correct race, but they broke into the house any way. The owner thought it was a burglar so he fired his gun, the police returned the fire. The police department had a ceremony for the police involved and gave each a reward for their botched entry. Nobody has been disciplined for not checking the address and raiding the wrong house. http://wcco.com/iteam/swat.team.honored.2.783216.html
A young couple took their three-year-old son to doctor Cohen. With some hesitation, they explained that, although their little angel appeared to be in good health, they were concerned about his rather small penis. After examining the child, the doctor confidently declared, "Just feed him bagels with cream cheese. That should solve the problem." The next morning, when ! the boy arrived at breakfast, there was a huge stack of warm bagels and cream cheese in the middle of the table. "Gee, mom," the boy exclaimed. "For me?" "Just take two," his mother replied. "The rest are for your father."
One day a co-worker told my friend, Stan, that she was going home early because she didn't feel well. Since Stan was just getting over something himself, he wished her well and said he hoped it wasn't something he had given her. A fellow worker piped up, "I sure hope not. She has morning sickness."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Express Empress Re: Mouse problem Good Morning Dear Webby, this is the Express Empress. Yesterday MailWasher Pro advised me that it had processed more than 15,000 emails in two weeks. Then my mouse went manic. This is what I get... http://www.flamingcursor.com/ Please advise Cheers EE Dear EE Be careful not to set your mail on fire! Have FUN! DearWebby

A 16-year-old girl bought herself a very tiny bikini. Very proud, she came home and put it on. She then showed her mother how she looked in it. "What do you think mom?" she asked. Her mother replied, "If I wore that when I was your age, you would be 5 years older."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flip Your Mattress Get into the habit of flipping and rotating your mattress once a month. This will prevent one side from being worn down more than another. Futon mattresses should also be folded, flipped and rotated regularly. Note, some mattresses aren't designed to be flipped, but can still be rotated. Visit ThriftyFun for more Frugal Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?" One student piped up, "Tuition!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Letrero
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: PC Tips 



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Good Morning,  !
It'sMonday,  August 4, 2008

The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources. --- Albert Einstein
Michele is working in a music store. This guy is looking for a disc by Steve Earl. He's looking in the "S" section. Michelle informs him that all artists are filed by their last name so he should look under "E". The man immediately becomes incensed and says, "Then why the HELL is Joe Jackson filed under '*J*'?"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick Pogan of the New York Police Department Rookie cop gave dubious account of his bicyclist assault http://snipurl.com/3abr8 JULY 29--You may have seen that YouTube video of the New York cop viciously knocking down a bicyclist in Times Square last week. Officer Patrick Pogan's blindside hit on Christopher Long led NYPD brass yesterday to strip the rookie cop of his gun and badge pending a department probe. That review will surely focus on the 22-year-old Pogan's sworn account of the takedown, which led to Manhattan prosecutors filing three misdemeanor charges against the 29-year-old Long, who was participating in a monthly bike ride organized by transportation activists. n the Criminal Court complaint filed against Long (who spent 26 hours in jail after his arrest Friday night), Pogan offered a fantastical version of the incident. Pogan claimed that Long drove his bicycle directly into him, knocking the cop to the ground and causing "lacerations on deponent's forearm." The video, of course, shows Pogan delivering a blow that would have made former Oakland Raider Jack Tatum proud. The trumped up charges are at "The Smoking Gun": http://snipurl.com/3abyk [www_thesmokinggun_com]
While down south on a visit, the young Yankee made a date with a local lovely. When he called for her, she was clad in a low-cut, tight-fitting, long dress. He remarked, "That's certainly a beautiful dress." "Sho 'nough?" she asked sweetly. "It sure does," he replied.
Little Johnny has been bringing his drawings home from kindergarten everyday since he started a month ago. Each day his mother admires the pictures and hangs them on the refrigerator. One thing starts bothering her though. Little Johnny only uses black and browns for his drawings. Fearing a problem with her young son and not wanting to make it worse, she decides to take him to a child psychologist. The psychologist delicately goes to work. He gives Johnny a battery of psychological tests. He chats with Johnny. Everything seems perfectly normal. Everyday for two weeks, the tests continue. Yet everyday, little Johnny continues to bring home drawings in only black and brown. Frustrated at not being able to get to the root of the problem and fearful that something is terrible wrong, the child psychologist decides to give little Johnny some paper and a box of crayons and observe what happens. Little Johnny opens the box of crayons and says "oh boy! A new box of crayons! At school we only have old boxes. The only ones left in mine are black and brown!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janet Re: Not printing all letters Dear Webby, Every day we see an email from someone with a problem and your helpful reply. For those who are new to Dear Webby, I'd like to say that I have been receiving my daily dose of laughter and great links and assistance from the 90's. And each time I have had a problem and written in, Dear Webby has helped me find a solution, even though my email was not printed in the newsletter. I know that I can trust the references, hints, and tips found in the newsletter. And I look forward to receiving it every day. I have it delivered to my gmail account also, so that when yahoo goes woooy I can be sure to get it. Thanks Webby, and keep up the great work. Janet Dear Janet Thanks for the kudos! I get a lot of mail and a lot of help requests. It would be impossible to print all. Usually I try to select one that is representative of the most. Here is a helpful hint from Kate: To Help the Vickster, I have found that: http://pcpitstop.com/ is a wonderful place to test your PC, and get advice step by step to fix any wrongs including viruses. I know Ive been helped many time without much stress. The forum is at: http://forums.pcpitstop.com/ and there are areas that deal directly with virus issues/if any. Kate Have FUN! DearWebby

A wealthy old man looked around the table at his two sons and five daughters and their spouses gathered for a family reunion. "Not a single grandchild," he said with a sigh. "Why, I'll give a million dollars to the first kid who presents me with a little one to bounce on my knee. Now, let's say grace." When the old man lifted his eyes again, his wife was the only other person at the table.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Movie Rewards Cards If you go to the movies often, check if they have a Movie Rewards program. You get points every time you purchase tickets and when you get enough points, you get something free like popcorn, a drink or a free movie ticket. Visit ThriftyFun for more Frugal Entertainment Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Entertainment_2431.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A lawyer and an engineer were fishing in the Caribbean. The lawyer said, "I'm here because my house burned down, and everything I owned was destroyed by the fire. The insurance company paid for everything." "That's quite a coincidence," said the engineer. "I'm here because my house and all my belongings were destroyed by a flood, and my insurance company also paid for everything." The lawyer puzzled asked, "How do you start a flood?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Military Humor at it's Best
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How to recognize an infection 



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Good Morning,  !
It'sSunday,  August 3, 2008

Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment. --- Barry LePatner Reality is the leading cause of stress amongst those in touch with it. -- Jane Wagner “Obama was in Germany [last week], and a lot of people showed up. There was so many Germans shouting and screaming insults and obscenities, that France surrendered again.”
It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." Pat says, "But, I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Thanks to Marie for sending this picture: Ooops! The dog is going to get yelled at.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Best Solicitors law firm in Sheffield, England Divorce letter was mistake A happily married couple were stunned to receive a lawyer's letter saying their divorce had been finalised. John Kitteridge, 65, and wife Joan have been married for 36 years, reports the Sheffield Star. Joan, 59, who burst into tears when she read the letter said: "I couldn't believe what I was reading. I knew deep down it couldn't be true but it was still such a shock. "We've had our ups and downs like any couple! But we'd never get divorced." Security guard John had been working nights and was in bed when the post arrived. He said: "If it had been an old lady or an elderly man who had received it, they could have suffered a heart attack. How does a mistake like that even happen? "We dealt with the same solicitors three years ago on an unrelated legal matter, but everything should be on computers these days so it must have shown up that we weren't getting a divorce." Sheffield-based Best Solicitors apologised and said the mistake had been made after a standard template letter was sent to the Kitteridges. They said details inside the letter, referring to divorce, should have been changed but had been missed.
A farmer had been taken several times by the local car dealer. One day, the car dealer informed the farmer that he had hit a cow on the road the night before, and needed to buy one to replace it, and that he was coming over to purchase a cow. The farmer priced his cow as follows: Basic cow . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 499.95 Shipping and handling . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 35.75 Extra stomach . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 79.25 Two tone exterior . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 142.10 Produce storage compartment . . . . . . . . . . . . 126.50 Heavy duty straw chopper . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 189.60 Four spigot/high output, milk system . . . . . . . 149.20 Automatic fly swatter . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 88.50 Genuine cowhide upholstery . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 179.90 Deluxe dual horns . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 59.25 Automatic fertilizer attachment . . . . . . . . . 339.40 4 x 4 traction drive assembly . . . . . . . . . . . 884.16 Pre delivery wash and comb . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 69.80 FARMERS SUGGESTED LIST PRICE: . . 2,843.36 Additional dealer adjustments: . . . . . . . . . . 300.00 TOTAL LIST PRICE (Including installed options): $3143.36
Deciding to take up jogging, James was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh, that's for cab fare home, when you've jogged too far."
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vickster Re: How to tell that your computer is infected Dear Webby, Sorry to be a pest here with my 76 yr old gray cells! It's a subject that's come up before by other readers and I've wondered, but never asked. Regarding today's "Tech Pits" item: how in the world does one determine they have been infected with something (let alone know what it is!) if none of their programs can detect it?! Vickster Dear Vickster If you have unexpected pop-ups or slow-downs, and see weird stuff in the Task Manager (CTRL ALT DEL), then you check what that weird stuff is about. It would probably be a good idea if you had a look at your task manager, and maybe even print it out. That way you can compare it if you suspect a problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa! But...how???" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was me coming home drunk!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rolling Existing Car Loans Into a New Car Purchase Don't buy a new car if you haven't paid off your old one, unless you have equity accumulated. Dealers roll the existing loan into the new car financing, owing more than the car is worth. This is a bad situation for the borrower but a good one for the dealer. Visit ThriftyFun for moreCar Buying Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_Buying%2 ... 6_130.html Visit ThriftyFun for more Christmas Budget Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/search.ldml?q ... act=Search Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Young Aussie was enjoying his first night in Rome drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe when a pretty girl sat beside him. "Hello," he said. "Do you understand English?" "Only a little," she answered. "How much?" he asked. "Fifty dollars," she replied....

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Glass Bottles in the Making
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: How do I Remove Antispywaremaster? 



   Zoom the font size for best readability!
Good Morning,  !
It'sSaturday,  August 2, 2008

The only correct actions are those that demand no explanation and no apology. --- Red Auerbach
A modern mother is explaining to her little girl about pic- tures in the family photo album. "This is the geneticist with your surrogate mother and here's your sperm donor and your father's clone. This is me holding you when you were just a frozen embryo. The lady with the very troubled look on her face is your aunt, she's the family genealogist who draws those trees with the family branches."
Thanks to Joe for this picture: Fair time in Colorado
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 25 year old woman in New York Too dumb to dress herself New York - Metro New York When a 25-year-old Manhattan graduate student who was assaulted Tuesday night got dressed that morning, she probably didn't anticipate that her T-shirt would provoke four teens into shoving her, pulling out her earphones and spitting in her face. Then again, with a shirt sporting the slogan, "Obama is my slave," it may have been wise to consider the possibility. Now she's suing the $69 shirt's "designer" for "all he's got," the designer claims. But the Israeli-born "designer" says what allegedly happened to his now-disgruntled customer isn't his fault and that his outrageous design reflects not his views but those of "ordinary WASPs." "For a lot of people, when they see Obama, they see a slave. People think America is not ready for a black president," the "designer", a recent immigrant from Israel, said. The "designer" claims that after the customer threatened to sue, he contacted his own lawyer, who assured him he was shielded by the First Amendment from any legal action. The ugly incident over the ugly shirt took place at 8:30 p.m. in Union Square when four African-American female teenagers accosted the student, cursed at her for her shirt and pushed her. The student walked away, but the girls followed her, one pulling the earphones out of her ears, another spitting in her face. ----------- Personally, I think the t-shirt printer should get a bonehead award too, for his extremely immature and stooopid comments. I don't know ANY Americans who associate black color with slavery these days. Menthol cigarettes, different fashion sense, different music, yes, but slavery does never come into conversation or consideration. I guess I am associating with totally different people than that Manhattan t-shirt printer.
The artist tried to concentrate on his work, but the attraction he felt for his model finally became irresistible. He threw down his palette, took her in his arms and kissed her. She pushed him away. "Maybe your other models let you kiss them," she said. "I've never tried to kiss a model before," he swore. "Really?" she said, softening, "How many models have there been?" "Four," he replied, "A jug, two apples, and a vase."
During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Still available! Step By Step PC Tune-Up From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shelley Re: Antispywaremaster I have apparently been infected with a bug called antispyware master. Spybot doesn't see it, neither does my antivirus. I looked it up and it seems to be one of the most common, and one of the worst to get rid of because it changes. Do you, O sage, know how I got this, and how to get rid of it? I am very careful about my surfing! Thank you for everything, especially being someone we can ask and expect straight answers from. Have a great day! Shelley Dear Shelly From what I could find, it comes bundled with some stuff that you or your hubby agreed to get, without reading the small print. http://www.superantispyware.com/ supposedly removes it. Manual removal instructions are at http://www.windowsvistaplace.com/antisp ... re-removal Have FUN! DearWebby

A son comes home from the Army. After a few hours, he finally gets to talk to his father alone behind the barn. "So, son, what did the Army teach you?" asked the father. "Well, they taught me how to kill people," said the son. "With what?" asked father. "We used all kinds of things, like guns and knives, but my favorite was the grenade," said the son. "What's a grenade?" asked the father. "Well, I brought one home to show you. You just pull this pin out and throw it as far as you can," said the son. The son proceeded to give a demonstration. Lo and behold, the son throws the grenade behind the outhouse. KABOOM!!! The outhouse is demolished. All the lumber and everything else lands in a heap in the yard. Grandpa sticks his head out of the pile and says, "Whew, glad I didn't let that one loose in the house!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving For Christmas Don't be caught off guard by Christmas expenses. Start saving now and you can limit the stress that Christmas puts on your financial well being. When it comes time to buy presents and throw parties, stay within your budget and give your credit cards a break. Visit ThriftyFun for more Christmas Budget Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/search.ldml?q ... act=Search Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was in bad shape. He constantly gasped for breath and his eyes bulged. The doctors could not determine the cause of the problem and didn't give him long to live. So, he decided to live it up. Withdrawing all of his money from the bank, he went on a shopping spree. His last stop was at the most expensive haberdashery in the city. He pointed out a dozen silk shirts. He wore a size fourteen. The clerk said, "Your neck looks bigger than fourteen. You need a sixteen." The man said, "I know my size. I want them in a fourteen." The clerk shook his head and said, "I'll get them for you, but I want to warn you, if you wear a fourteen you'll gasp all day and your eyes will bulge."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mother Earth - NAKED
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
For more ezines, check the Ezine Directory: The Ezine Directory Top 20 Ezines





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