Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 13, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss 
will add it to your regular duties.
--- Doug Larson

I have often depended on the blindness of strangers.
--- Adrienne E. Gusoff


Thanks to Dianne for this story:
one time Dad was driving Mom's Pinto, I was in the passenger's 
seat and Eric, 5 at the time, was standing between my legs, 
watching out the windshield. We were traveling thru one of 
those old iron bridges. The ones with a wooden floor, 
cross wises, and raised ones for the wheels to ride on, 
length wise. The Pinto slipped off the boards, did a 180, 
and we rolled out the other end of the bridge, facing the 
wrong direction. Did not make contact with the bridge. 

Eric, between my legs, is jumping up and down, yelling, 
"Do it again!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


Thanks to Sandie for this story:
On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a 
reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rear
view mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. 

I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my 
wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration. 

"I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my 
wife handed me the paperwork. 

The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, 
"this is not your registration." 

It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South 
Carolina.





Become A Fat Burning Furnace
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit,
 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted
to be dismissed from serving. He was trying every
excuse in the world, trying to get out of it but none
of them worked.

On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more
shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if
he could approach the bench.

"Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this
trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant.
I took one look at the man in the Grey suit with
those shifty eyes and that dishonest face and I said,
"He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your
Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!"

With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back
in the jury box. That's his lawyer."




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Debra Langham, 51 in Lindale, Texas

Wrong Number Connects Drug Seller With Police
It turned out to be the wrong number the 51-year-old Lindale 
woman was texting looking for a buyer for her marijuana.

Instead of making a drug deal, she was arrested by the Smith 
County Sheriff’s undercover narcotics team, who she unknowingly 
had been texting.

Debra Langham was arrested Tuesday and charged with felony 
possession of marijuana after she set up a deal to meet ‘the buyer” 
at a location on West Gentry Parkway.

Lt. Tony Dana said Ms. Langham began texting an employee 
of the sheriff’s office a couple of weeks ago about a possible 
marijuana buy.

“At the time our narcotics team was really busy and we just 
couldn’t get to it, but she started texting again Monday and 
the officers got involved and played along with the texts,” he said.

Dana said Ms. Langham told the deputies what kind of vehicle 
she would be driving and where to meet her and at what time.

“The narcotics officers sat in a position where they could see 
her if she did show up and when she did they waited until she 
left the parking lot to have a marked unit conduct a traffic 
stop,” he said.

What deputies found inside the car was half a pound of 
marijuana, valued at $400.

Dana said Ms. Langham was charged and taken to the Smith 
County Jail where she was later released on a $5,000 bond.

“This all happened because apparently she put in the wrong 
number to text when this all began several weeks ago,” he said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Mark
Re: How difficult are those online back-ups?

Dear Webby
How difficult are those online back-ups? And how expensive 
are they? Do all of them suddenly get outrageous if you 
accidentally go over some limit? And, how expensive is a
reasonable one?
Thanks
Mark

Dear Mark
The one I recommend is Mozy. 
Lucille, a friend and client from http://couple-or-not.com
installed Mozy just using her text to speech reader. She can't
see. Then half a year later she switched ISPs and got a new
address. At about the same time, her compter died and she
needed a new one. 

With any program except Mozy, that would have spelled total
disaster. Think about it! How do you identify yourself and get
YOUR back-up, if you have a different address?

I sent a quick note to James, the CEO of Mozy, and he himself
called Lucille and talked her step by step over the phone
through getting re-connected with her back-up. 

Your second question about limits:
With Mozy you get 2 GB free, 
or unlimited space for $4.95 a month, with a month free if
you pay for a year. If you get a year's worth before the
end of August through my link at http://webby.com/mozy,
then I can get you an additional 10% discount.

If you go directly to http://mozy.com, you won't get that
discount. Just tell me before you sign up, and I will give
you the discount code for that day.

Once you are signed up for the unlimited, you too can apply 
to become an affiliate and get discounts for YOUR friends.

If you use the free 2 GB limited version, you don't get 
suddenly charged if you go over that limit. You simply hit a
wall and can't go over that.

With the unlimited version, of course, there is no limit at
all to worry about. However, if you are backing up 4 TeraBytes
of pictures and music, your local ISP might get unhappy
about that, plus a big upload like that with automatic updating,
will probably slow down your computer, whenever it is doing
the scheduled updating of the back-up. 

Most people can fit their important and irreplaceable stuff 
into about 5 - 10 GB. That normally updates during your 
lunch time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


When a physician remarked on a new patient's
extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said,
"High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family."

"Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked.

"Neither," he replied.  "It's from my wife's family."

"Oh, come now," said the doctor, "How could your wife's
family give you high blood pressure?"

He sighed.  "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reuse Plastic Cupcake Trays to Start Seeds
Use cupcake trays from the grocery store bakery for mini 
greenhouse to start plant seeds in. Each cake compartment 
holds a peat seed starter pot nicely. All you need to do is 
use a soldering iron to melt some drainage holes and a 
couple vent holes on top. Use peat seed starter pots in 
each cake compartment. When plants get bigger just 
remove the peat pots and reuse your cupcake greenhouse 
over and over.

By Kim from KS
http://www.thriftyfun.com/
Be generous with the vent holes!
Best is one horizontal row of holes near the bottom on one 
side of the bottom tray to pull air in, 
and a vertical row of holes or slots on the opposite side, 
in the cover only. Make a triangle from cardboard or clear
plastic and a scotch tape sleeve to hold it. Dull the scotch tape
where it touches the triangle, so that you can move the triangle
to adjust the temperature. If the top holes are covered and 
only the lower holes open, it gets a lot hotter inside. With the
bottom holes covered and the top holes open, it won't overheat.
That method is a lot safer than propping the lid up, and risk
having the wind catch it and toss it all over the balcony.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:




Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun 
for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.


A man entered a barbershop and said, "I am tired of
looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my
hair from ear to ear!"

The barber nodded and said, "Are you sure?" His
customer said, "yes," so the barber did as he was
told, and the satisfied gentleman left the shop a
happy man.

Three hours passed and the man reentered the barber
shop. "Put it back the way it was," hesaid.

"What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired
of being a non-conformist already?"
"No," the customer replied,
"I'm tired of people whispering at my nose."





 »  Unbelievable

[ view entry ] ( 285 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 488 )

---

Yahoo's Digital PMS 

Thursday, August 12, 2010, 10:43 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 12, 2010

Most people would succeed in small things
if they were not troubled with great ambitions.
--- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

"It is the mark of an educated mind to be able
to entertain a thought without accepting it."
--- Aristotle


Six-year-old Jay's father was a rector in a small
church. One day, his father told Jay that a very
important bishop was coming and that he would be
staying with them.  Jay became very excited and asked
his father if he would get to meet the bishop.

His father thought about this and decided that he would
let Jay bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake
him up. Jay was very excited about the opportunity to
do this.

His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the
door of the bishop's room and then say to him, "It's
the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up."

Jay was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating
them over and over.

Finally, morning came and Jay rehearsed his lines.
He went to the door and knocked.  He was so excited
and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and Jay
said,
"It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on
the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe
everything your child says happens at school, I'll
promise not to believe everything he says happens at
home.


A grandmother came by to show off her just bought Pontiac
Grand Am. The eight-year-old granddaughter took one look at
the car and indignantly proclaimed,
"They spelled grandma wrong!"




Become A Fat Burning Furnace Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor
and she was eager to help. One day during recess she
noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a
playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a
game of soccer at the other.

Sandy approached and asked if she was all right.

The girl said she was.

A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl
was in the same spot, still by herself.

Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me
to be your friend?"
The girl hesitated, gave her a very suspicious look
and then said, "Okay".

Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked,
"Why are you standing here all alone?"
"Because," the little girl said with great
exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Richard Baker, 48,

Asked cops to search the house
A Jefferson County man standing wrapped only in a towel in his front 
yard was arrested this morning, but not because he was near naked.
Fearing someone was in his house, the man asked Jefferson County 
sheriff's deputies to search the home. 
When they did, they found a pound of marijuana.

"Deputies found no signs of an intruder in the house, and little sign 
of intelligence outside the house," said Chief Deputy Randy Christian.

A passerby called deputies about 4:15 a.m. to report a man was 
standing naked in the road in the 2200 block of Old Springville 
Road. 

They arrived to find Richard Baker, 48, cloaked in a towel. 
He told authorities someone was in his house trying to rob 
him and asked they go inside and look for the bad guy.

When deputies entered the home, Christian said, they 
immediately smelled marijuana and spotted a plastic grocery 
bag containing six sandwich bags, each filled with the pot.

The total weight was about one pound with a value of between 
$800 to $1,000.

Baker was arrested for first-degree possession of marijuana 
and possession of drug paraphernalia.

He is in the county jail with bond set at $21,000.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Ellen
Re: Yahoo on PMS?

Dear Webby
A few days ago various subscriptions stopped showing up
in my Yahoo mail, except for those sent from Yahoo groups.
Is this going to be another two month problem, until everything
starts showing up again on it's own, or is there something 
I can do about it?
Ellen

Dear Ellen
Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. It's just
a Yahoo tradition. Some day some of your subscriptions will 
show up again. Those are the ones, where bounces don't get
dropped from the list. Some newsletters never weed out their
lists, and they still send daily letters to people who died 
fifteen years ago. It makes for impressive numbers, but is
just a waste of bandwidth.

Those won't drop you from their lists, but the properly run
newsletter operators will unsubscribe you, if your address
bounces. There is no way to tell whether you graduated,
died, or if Yahoo has digital PMS.

So, when some newsletters start showing up again, subscribe
to the Humor Letter again.

In the meantime, you can read it online at 
http://webby.com/humor,
and drag the little icon at the left side of the browser address
bar onto an empty corner on your desktop. That will give you
a shortcut to it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


An optometrist was instructing a new employee
on how to charge a customer:
"As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how
much they cost, you say '$275.' ...
If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames.
The lenses will be $250.'...
If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.'

----
Looks like I better learn to flutter my eyes!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Fabric Paint to Create Non-slip Surfaces
I use a few dabs of fabric paint (the puff paint 3D type) for 
non-slip items. Make sure to let them dry before use. You 
can draw designs on the bottoms of knitted slippers so it's 
not slippery.

You can make coasters with recycled CDs, felt, and dabs 
of paint on bottom. It won't move around on you! Add a few 
stripes to the soles of slippery tennis shoes or flip flops. 
Or add it to the bottom of slipping cutting boards. 
Use your imagination, the possibilities are endless.

By Becca25 from NY

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The finance committee of our church refuses to provide
funds for the purchase of a chandelier, because none of
the members knows how to play one.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, 
just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on-line or subscribe. 
If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A third grade teacher asked her class:
"I'd like you to be very quiet today. I've got a
dreadful headache."
"Excuse me," said little , "why don't you do
what my mom does when she has a hangover?"
"What's that?" asked the teacher.
"She sends us outside to play."





 »  Unbelievable

[ view entry ] ( 267 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 650 )

---

Password keeper 

Wednesday, August 11, 2010, 10:08 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What happens to a man is less significant
than what happens within him.
--- Louis L. Mann

Nothing in life is so hard that you can't
make it easier by the way you take it.
--- Ellen Glasgow

PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent
visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the
machine and the spirits of the audience.
--- Ambrose Bierce

One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway
near Chicago.  When he turned onto the street at the
end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place
getting into her car.  The driver placed the bucket of
chicken on top of her car, got in and drove off with
the bucket still on top of her car.

So the trooper decided to pull her over and perform a
community service by giving the driver her chicken.
He pulled her over, walked up to the car, pulled
the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.

The driver looked at the trooper and said,
"No thanks, I just bought some."


Food for Wealth
learn how to grow organic food with less than
8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method
to counter food risks and rising costs.
You don't need a big garden or lots of time,
if you get it right.
You can download the book right NOW!
Food for Wealth


The police recently busted a man selling tablets
that he claimed stopped aging..
When going through their files they noticed it was the
fourth time he was caught for doing this.
He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928.


Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was
astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes
available at the local sports shoe store.

While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he
noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it.

"What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?"

"Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your
wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
 
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, 
and it works, even on me!

It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

You deserve it! Go for it!!

"Recently we got a call from that big white church at
11th and Walnut," the paramedic said.  "A frantic usher
was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly
man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead.  The
usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable
breathing."

"What was so unusual and demanding about this
particular call?" the interviewer asked.

"Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys
before we found the one who was dead."


Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Melodi Dushane, 24, of East Toledo, Ohio

McNugget Rampage
Video of rampage
Melodi Dushane, a 24-year-old woman from East Toledo, Ohio, 
became enraged earlier this year when she was told that she 
couldn't buy McNuggets at 6:30 a.m. because her local 
McDonalds restaurants was serving breakfast only.

Duchane went berserk, attacked two McDonalds employees and
smashed a window before driving off.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Abraham
Re: Password keeper

Dear Webby
Since it is too easy to crack the browser's password keeper,
as my 12 year old daughter showed me, when she retrieved
my FaceBook password for me, I need something more solid.

I know you got RoboForm in the side menu. How safe is that,
and do I get it cheaper, if I go directly to their site?
Abraham

Dear Abraham
RoboForm is rock solid and perfectly safe. It is the Industry
standard for password keepers.FireFox, IE, and most other
browsers have simple plug-ins for it, that make RoboForm
act like it was an integral part of the browser.

Regarding the cost: If you use my link to RoboForm,
you bypass all the rigmarole and get the home version free,
without any fuss. You immediately get the "Save" pop-up
asking you where to save it to. 

It is free, and I just carry the link to their no-fuss back 
door as a public service, like almost all links there.

If you need to track many hundreds of passwords for clients, 
like I do, you can upgrade to the PRO version, without losing
any of the stored passwords and user names and comments.

Transferring RoboForm to another machine is simple and easy,
and with their GoodSync you can even automatically synchronize
other machines on the same network.

Most likely the free home version of RoboForm is more than good 
enough for what you need.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A southern Belle  arrived a the church rather late,
just as the congregation was rushing to their cars.

"Is - M-ass out?" she panted to one of the dowagers.

"No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Discolored Stainless Steel Pans
I find that using liquid bleach on the inside of my 
stainless steel pans removes tea stains immediately. 
You can add a little water if you'd like, but I just 
pour a small amount in the pan, swirl it around 
and dump it into the next pan with the stains. 
It works great. I rinse the clean pan immediately 
so the bleaching will stop right away.

By BonsterBonnie from MD

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Mark, went into a convenience store to prepay for
gasoline and  returned with two plastic bottles of
soda.  As he filled the tank, his wife opened a bottle.
To her dismay it fizzed and foamed all over her lap.
Several miles down the road, Mark asked for his soda.

Handing it to him, She warned, "Be careful.  These are
really over-carbonated."
But when Mark opened his bottle, it barely hissed.
Eyes on the road, he nonchalantly said, "You must have
gotten the one I dropped."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams.

"Every night," the man said, "I dream that
these three hideous monsters are sitting
on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me."

"Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can
cure you of this problem. But the treatment
will be costly. I charge $200 per weekly
session and it may take a couple of years
to solve your problem."

"Two hundred dollars per session!" the man
gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the
monsters, Doctor. I think I will give that
bed to my mother-in-law. That will fix
their wagon!"





 »  Pavement Art

[ view entry ] ( 198 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.8 / 281 )

---

Bot not crypted 

Tuesday, August 10, 2010, 10:18 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Human beings are the only creatures 
that allow their children to come back home.
--- Bill Cosby

Good taste is the worst vice ever invented.
--- Edith Sitwell


A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar
voice of a colleague on the other end of the line.
"We need a fourth for poker," said the friend.
"I'll be right over," whispered the doctor.
As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked,
"Is it serious?"
"Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely.
"In fact, there are three doctors there already!"


Two social workers were walking through a rough
part of the city in the evening.
They heard moans and muted cries for help from
a back lane.
Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious
man in a pool of blood.
"Help me, I've been mugged and beaten", he pleaded.
The two social workers turned and walked away.
One remarked to his colleague: "You know the
person that did this *really* needs help. We'll
have to do a study in fall, when it's not so hot,
and file a report."


At Sunday school, the teacher asked ,
"Do you know where little boys and girls go when they
do bad things?"

"Sure,"  replied. "They go out into the bushes in
the back of the church yard."


Looks like nobody wants to become a famous blogger and make money,
so that ad is gone. I still have the information, in case you change your
mind.


Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method of burning fat is quite legit, and it works,
 
even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any

problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!

It is well worth it Go for it!!

"We have women in the military, but they don't put us
in the front lines.  They don't know if we can fight
or if we can kill.  I think we can.  All the general
has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see
the enemy over there?  They say you look fat in those
uniforms.'"
--- Elayne Boosler


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Flounder: 190 KG (418 lb)
Caught by a 10 year old kid in 2 hours

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Justine Locker in Chessington, England

Mermaid too good looking
 Aquarium bosses have put a bikini on an underwater statue 
 of a mermaid - because her boobs were attracting more 
 attention than the fish.

Staff at Sea Life Chessington said they noticed many young 
male visitors to their underwater tunnel were not giving the 
marine life their full attention.

So in a bid to save the mermaid's modesty and get visitors 
concentrating on the fish again, a diver was dispatched to 
cover the statue's breasts with a bikini.

Manager Justine Locker said: "It's a bit of a mistake on our 
part. We hadn't noticed quite how buxom Sally was until we 
clocked young boys, and not so young boys, spending a lot 
of time ogling her in the walkthrough ocean tunnel.

They didn't have the class to use sea shells to hide the fact
that the ancient mermaid looked so much better than the 
manager, they used some bright, gaudy cloth to really make
everybody stop and stare.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Pat
Re: Bot not crypted

Dear Webby
Thoroughly enjoy the daily http://webby.com/humor – thanks 
for producing and sharing it.
 
Recently (in the past two weeks) when I reboot my desktop PC 
(Windows XP Home) I get a message: ‘BOT NOT CRYPTED.’  
Nothing else on the alert.
 
I ran a full CA scan that didn’t address the problem.  Found 
a couple of recent references on the net (all within a day 
or two) so my machine isn’t alone with this problem.
 
Also, which internet security do you suggest?  CA did an 
‘upgrade’ several weeks ago and installed all sorts of junk 
I don’t want that appear to be slowing my already slow 
computer.  I won’t use Norton – had a bad experience with 
them a few years ago when a virus slipped through and their 
tech support had no idea how to get rid of it and still charged 
me $99 for their efforts.
 
Any ideas/insights?  THANKS!
 
Be safe,
Pat 

Dear Pat
I use McAfee.
Norton or CA are not good enough for me.
Not good enough for you either, as you found out the hard way.

I don't know if McAfee shielded me from that "bot not crypted" 
stuff, or whether I simply did not go as far onto the wild side 
as you did.

Trying to get information like that from McAfee is virtually 
impossible. Their Taliban are quite good and helpful when a 
registered user has a problem, but they won't give me any 
information about whether they can help you.

The only useful information I could find was at
http://www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forum ... p?t=165067

You can also try http://www.superantispyware.com/
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by
the curb for trash collection.  Since it was in good
shape, many motorists slowed down for a look.  But
when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave.

Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out.
"This I've got to see," I thought.
They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside
down, and  shook it hard. Then they picked up all the
coins that tumbled out and drove off.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Re-Run of yesterday's
Preventing Fruit Flies
The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all 
produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the 
wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, 
and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of 
produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies 
lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and 
vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the 
problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a 
day or two.

Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the 
vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid 
dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. 
You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few 
days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the 
kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. 
Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until 
the problem clears up.

Source: My future son-in-law.

By Mkymlp from PA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A group of British tourists were being guided
through an ancient castle in Austria.

"This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old.
Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered,
nothing replaced in all those years."

"Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same
landlord I have."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


"Darling," said the young man to his new bride.
"Now that we are married, do you think you will be able
to live on my modest income?"

"Of course, dearest, no problem," she answered.
"But what will you live on?"





 »  Paper Weapons

[ view entry ] ( 194 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 441 )

---

Unidentified publisher 

Monday, August 9, 2010, 09:37 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 9, 2010

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Wise men put their trust in ideas and not
in circumstances.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers.
You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions.
--- Naguib, Mahfouz

One ship sails east, another west,
By the self same winds that blow.
It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails,
That determines the way we go.
--- Ella Wheeler Wilcox


Discover my Quick Cash Concept. Generate extra income by simply placing small image ads.

An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a
blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas,
when a strange bird scurried in front of them.

Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher
replied, "That's a bird of paradise."

The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a
moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??"

...and the fight was on....



Two golden-agers were discussing their
husbands over tea.

"I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails.
He makes me terribly nervous."
"My William used to do the same thing," the older
woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit."

"How?"
"I hid his teeth."
"Serves him right for hiding YOUR teeth so that you
couldn't go to the mall."


In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater
to wine  snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad
department of a  newspaper. She offered for sale what
sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur."

The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine,
but was used  to the infusion of French words into the
local vocabulary.

"Could you please spell that?" she asked.

"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w  M-a-n-u-r-e".



Great deal for you!

Break into blogs

Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.


Thanks to Chuck for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Hiho Webby-O!
I just returned from a wonderful vacation in the 1000 Islands. 
One picture I took of a sunset I said I was taking just for you! 
Here it is attached. Maybe you'd like to use it. I took many 
more and some were better focused and some had fantastic 
colors, but I picked this one for ya.
I love the newsletter. Hope to run into you some day.
Chuck

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, in Augusta, GA

Facebook sex talks lead to woman's arrest
An Augusta woman was arrested Sunday for allegedly having 
sexual conversations under multiple aliases with teenagers on 
Facebook and MySpace, the Augusta Chronicle reports.



An argument between the suspect, Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 
and her husband, Tony Hamm, brought Richmond County 
deputies to their home in the 3500 block of Tullocks Hill Drive, 
according to a Richmond County sheriff's report. Hamm said 
he found text messages and the social networking accounts 
that he said his wife was using to talk with young girls.

The husband of Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, said he discovered 
the encounters with the teenagers after finding several text 
messages and multiple social networking accounts Hamm was 
using to speak with female teenagers, the paper stated.

Hamm told officials her social networking began as an attempt 
to get her husband’s daughter to open up to her.

Charges are pending in the investigation, the paper stated.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Swamprat
Re: unidendtified publisher 

Dear Webby
unidendtified publisher OOo_3.2.1_Win_x86_install_en-US.exe
When selected to run or not, user acct. control says:  "unidendtified publisher".    
Could you tell me,   vhat iss da deel pls. ??  
If this is windows, why "unknown"  ?  Is it SAFE ?
Swamprat

Dear Swamprat
Sounds like Microsoft is in a snit about you installing Open Office.
Don't worry, they will get over it.

Millions of people and companies use Open Office and won't go 
back to Microsoft Office ever again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


One Sunday during the morning church service our
pastor was preaching away and his sermon came to a
high point and he asked the question:
"What is your problem?"
Just as he asked the question a little boy was in
the isle, he  had started toward the bathroom.

Thinking that the preacher was talking to him,
the little guy just stopped, looked up at him,
and said, "I gotta pee."

To say the least the laughter took over and the
sermon was never the same after that!


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Preventing Fruit Flies
The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all 
produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the 
wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, 
and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of 
produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies 
lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and 
vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the 
problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a 
day or two.

Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the 
vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid 
dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. 
You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few 
days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the 
kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. 
Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until 
the problem clears up.

Source: My future son-in-law.

By Mkymlp from PA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Trina is very attentive when she goes out
on a date. Lately, at a movie she was overheard
to say:

Trina: "Can you see, dear ?
Date: "Yes"
Trina: "Is your seat comfortable ?"
Date: "Yes"
Trina: "Is there a draft on you ?"
Date: "No"
Trina: "Good !  Let's change seats."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch
prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of
menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability,
short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc.
returned.

Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling
the pharmacist all about her problems. 

After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people 
asked you to get this refilled?"





 »  Common Cents

[ view entry ] ( 172 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 948 )

---

Windows 7 to XP conversion 

Sunday, August 8, 2010, 09:43 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 8, 2010

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times 
his own weight in other people's patience.
--- John Updike

What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, 
when you can't hear what they say?
--- Logan Pearsall Smith

A person reveals his character by nothing so
clearly as the joke he resents."
--- G. C. Lichtenberg


Jimmmie came home from school one day, all banged up,
bloodied, and bruised.  His father asked him what
happened and Jimmie said,
"Well, dad, it's like this.  I challenged Larry to a
duel and you know how that goes . . . I gave him his
choice of weapons."

"Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair."

"I know . . .
but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"


"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school
teacher.
"He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny.
"How interesting.  What's his favorite trick?" asked
the teacher.
"He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny.
"Wow!  That must be amazing to watch," said the
teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?"
Little Johnny replied,
"One half brother and two half sisters."



Great deal for you!

Break into blogs

Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.


Thanks to Guinn for this picture:


Click on the picture for the Large Version
Hi, DearWebby. 
This is the only lily in bloom in our garden just now, but what a beauty!
Guinn

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Jeanne Jones, 22 of Cinnaminson, NJ

Walmart robber dropped her purse
Jones, 22, of Palmyra, told police that the "devil got into her" when 
she fled a Cinnaminson Walmart on Monday, after walking out with 
$266.19 worth of shoplifted goods and a gift card for exchanged 
items she had never bought.

Jeanne Jones, Cinnaminson, NJ

The devil really got into Jones when she assaulted a female 
loss-prevention officer who witnessed the incident on the store's 
security cameras and tried to stop her as she left, police said.

As Jones took off in her car, however, the downfall to her devilish 
scheme was sitting in the parking lot. Police said that she dropped 
her pocketbook while roughing it up with Walmart security. 
In it was her driver's license.

Shortly after fleeing, police said, Jones began calling the Walmart, 
making vague inquiries into the lost pocketbook.

"First she was saying something happened to her sister at the store; 
then she admitted it was her but apologized," Covert said. 
"She said the devil got into her."

Police eventually spoke with Jones over the phone and said that 
she was very matter- of-fact about her predicament and agreed 
to surrender.

"She said, 'What am I going to be charged with and what's 
my bail going to be?' " Covert said.

She was charged with robbery, theft and shoplifting, and her 
bail was set at $5,000.

Covert said Jones had taken her filled shopping cart to 
customer service instead of the checkout line and returned 
items she hadn't paid for yet. The store gave her a gift card, 
and she walked out with the cart.

"We're not talking rocket science here," he said.

Last month, a man who used counterfeit bills to post bail in 
Cinnaminson was re-arrested when he returned to the 
police station asking for a refund.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hank
Re: Windows 7 to XP

Dear Webby
The windows support says I should go to XP rather than 
Vista. Can I delete Windows 7?
I have another operating disc for an older version of XP. 
Should I install that?
I am using Firefox instead of IE.
 
Thanks again for your help
hank 

Dear Hank
XP is what you are used to, and that would give you the 
speed that you are used to, so that would be the operating 
system of choice.

Check with the manufacturer and get the XP drivers 
(if necessary) for that machine.
They may play stupid, but since you normally CAN get a 
machine with W7-Ultimate or W7-PRO, which includes 
the option to have XP pre-installed, they DO have the 
drivers.

When you run the XP SetUp CD, it automatically formats 
the drive and wipes out W7, plus everything else you have 
on the machine. So back up anything that you want to 
keep onto the net or onto CD/DVD.

It makes no difference, how old your XP disk is. The first
automatic update will bring it up to date.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into
the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a
new set of Woods.

The staff all watched to see what would happen after he
used them for the first time - more than half expecting
he'd come in and demand his money back.

But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.

"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In
fact,I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards
farther than I could my last ones."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Save Your Old Cookware Lids
If you are re-doing your cookware, save the lids if they are 
in good shape. If not, take a good, long look at those pot 
handles and lid knobs. A lot of these items are in standard 
form and interchangeable. I find it so annoying when I 
buy a set of cookware and the lids need to be exchanged 
between pots and skillets (as in I am either using the 6 qt 
pot or using the 12 inch skillet, but I can't cover both at the 
same time). This holds true for the expensive as well as 
the inexpensive sets.

By Cookwie from Richardson, TX

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver
their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the
doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said,
"I have some good news and some bad news. The good news
is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is
that it is a cesarean."
Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a
healthy baby, but I vas kinda hoping it vould be
Svedish!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the
teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five
pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the
loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?"

"Five," said young MacTavish firmly.

"Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?"
"Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a
loan of three pounds, but after what you said at the
last Parent-Teacher meeting, just asking for a loan
doesn't mean you will get it."





 »  Wild Flowers

[ view entry ] ( 17374 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 101 )

---

Search within a page 

Saturday, August 7, 2010, 09:58 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 7, 2010

Life is too short for traffic.
--- Dan Bellack

Life is too important to take seriously.
--- Corky Siegel

When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators
do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.'
--- Theodore Roosevelt


A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish
rabbi were discussing when life begins.

"Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of
fertilization. That is when God instills the spark
of life into the fetus."

"We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at
birth, because that is when the baby becomes an
individual and is capable of making its own decisions
and must learn about sin."

"You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins
when the children have graduated and moved out of
the house."


A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't
sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew
that her friend next door had recently done the same job and
the two rooms were identical in size.

"Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy
for your bedroom?"

"Twenty," said Buffy.

So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job,
but she had 12 rolls left over.

"Buffy," she said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the
bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!"

"Amazing!" said Buffy. "So did I."



Great deal for you!

Break into blogs

Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
 
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?



There are 3 easy ways to get there:

1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or

2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or

3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.



As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,

well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular

blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.

Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,

and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.



Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes

lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework

for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your

hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and 

give yourself a chance!



Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.




Click on the picture for the Large Version
Iguazu Falls

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Julie Bailey, 38,in LaCrosse, WI

Pregnant and drunk robber arrested

A drunken, pregnant La Crosse woman is accused of trying to 
rob a South Side fast-food restaurant for drug money late 
Tuesday but failing when her weapon became jammed in her shorts.

A Taco John's cashier told investigators a heavy-set woman 
wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts approached the 
counter at 1211 Jackson St. about 10:40 p.m. and demanded 
cash, according to La Crosse police reports.

"I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup. Give me all your money," 
the suspect reportedly told the cashier.

The woman tried pulling a hammer from her shorts pocket 
but could not remove the weapon after tugging on the handle, 
reports stated. The cashier pressed the restaurant's panic button 
and called 911. The suspect fled without any money, police said.

Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St., was arrested a few minutes 
later with a wooden hammer in her hand after a short foot pursuit. 
She is facing charges of attempted armed robbery and obstructing 
officers.

According to the La Crosse Tribune, after her roommate threatened 
to evict her if she didn't come up with money she owed for crack 
cocaine, and trying to sell an engagement ring back to K-Mart 
didn't work, Bailey opted for the Taco John's robbery.

While in jail, of course all her maternity expenses will be 
taken care of.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Alexa
Re: Search within a page

Dear Webby
Due to lack of patience, I use FireFox. Is there an easy
way to search for a word or phrase within a page?
Thanks
Alexa

Dear Alexa
Yes, just hit CTRL F and start typing the word or phrase.
It will appear down near the status line. 
The search is double incremental. If it findsthat there is 
only one word that has the 3 letters, that you just typed,
it will ding and show you the part of the page, where that
word is, and highlight it.

If there are no occasions of that combination of letters,
it ill ding and stop you after as little as 3 letters.

If there are lots of occasions of a search word,
it will it will highlight the first one. CTRL N will show you
the Next one.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


After the man received the full treatment - shave,
shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little
Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a tie
to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in
a few minutes."

When Little Johnny's haircut was completed and the
man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks
like your daddy's forgotten all about you."

"That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He
just walked up, took me by the hand and said,
'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com


Trivia At Dinnertime
We all have unused games laying around. Some have educational 
information cards, like Trivia. Take the cards and put a few on 
the table, next to salt and pepper. Interact at dinner by asking 
questions, the answers are on the back. You would be surprised 
how much kids know and how much kids love doing this.

When you know all the answers, change them out; pick up more 
games at yard sales. It's educational and the family does 
something together, a win-win situation.

Source: Restaurant at OBX
By Ruayne from Climax, NC

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


"Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it
forms into lightning, which is attracted to the
Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the
electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up
by power companies and burned in big ovens called
'generators,' turns back into electricity. The power
company sells it to consumers who use TV sets
to transform it into commercials for beer, which
passes through the consumers and back into the
ground, thus completing what is known as a
'circuit.'"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


QUESTION: How many church people does it take to
change a lightbulb?

Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air.

Roman Catholics: None. They use candles.

Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb,
and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the
lights will be on and off.

Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician,
and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb.

Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four
wives to tell him when and how to do it.

Unitarians: They chose not to make a statement
either in favor of or against the light bulb.
However, if you have found in your own journey that
light bulbs work for you, that is fine.

Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light
bulb,and two or three committees to approve the
change. Oh, and also a casserole.

Jews: Twenty five. Twelve to make the light bulb maker
feel guilty, twelve to make the electrician feel guilty,
and a rabbi, of course.

Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change.

Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the
light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be
sure that he doesn't backslide.





 »  Northern Lights

[ view entry ] ( 193 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 454 )

---

Long periods of standby or Hibernation 

Friday, August 6, 2010, 08:44 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 6, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The male is a domestic animal which,
if treated with firmness,
can be trained to do most things.
--- Jilly Cooper

Choice, not chance, determines destiny."
--- Socratex


Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied
offices in the same building. One was 40 years
old, the other over 70.  They rode on the elevator
together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day.
The younger man was completely done in, and he
noted with some resentment that his senior was
fresh as a daisy.

"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can
listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night,
on a day like this, and still look so spry and un-
bothered when it's over?"

The older analyst replied:"Sorry, I can't hear
a thing. The battery in my hearing aid went dead a
many years ago."


A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a
college advertising and marketing class.

"Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly
the friendly skies'?"

"United." Joe answered.

"Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan,
"Don't leave home without it?"

Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no
difficulty.

"Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?"

John answered, "Mom."



I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous

14,000 home wood working plans

  Click Here!

If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be

a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!

Off the cost of the book, not off the handyman!
If you rather pay full price, then procrastinate NOW!
This ad will be gone tomorrow.




Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Natalie M. Tice in Milville, New Jersey

woman vows to kill cops, throw feces and have abortion 
following robbery arrest in Vineland

VINELAND — A Millville woman was charged with robbing a 
New Jersey Transit bus driver and kicking out a police cruiser’s 
window Sunday afternoon.


Natalie M. Tice, 21, of Millville’s Oakview Apartments, punched 
the 63-year-old bus driver in the head and took $48 from him.

The robbery occurred at the Vineland Transportation Center, 
located at 106 W. Landis Ave. It was reported at 4:26 p.m.

The bus driver told police he attempted to prevent Tice from 
boarding the bus, as she had earlier caused a disturbance 
while riding on his bus. Tice ignored his request and boarded 
the bus, then allegedly turned around and punched him, 
causing a cut to the left side of his head.

After Tice was placed under arrest for the robbery, she was 
put in the rear of a police cruiser as police continued their 
investigation.

Police pepper-sprayed Tice after she ignored an order to 
stop kicking the cruiser’s rear, passenger-side window. 
The pepper-spray reportedly had little impact in calming Tice, 
who kicked out the window a few moments later.

Police estimated the damage to the cruiser at $600.

Tice allegedly made several threats to kill the police officers 
involved in the investigation, both during her arrest and while 
being processed at police headquarters.

She also screamed that she was going to defecate in an interview 
room and hurl feces at the officers, and also indicated she was 
going to have an abortion so she could claim she had a 
miscarriage due to the way she was handled following her arrest, 
according to police. The police report did not indicate if Tice was 
pregnant.

Police recovered $50 from Tice, who was taken to South Jersey 
Healthcare-Regional Medical Center for evaluation.

Tice was charged with robbery and criminal mischief, 
with bail set at $100,000.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Guinn
Re: Long periods of standby or hibernate

Hi, Webby. you say to leave the computer on if it is just 
for a few hours. While I have a fairly fast computer, it 
takes some time to come on line after it has been shut 
down so is it all right to leave it in Standby or Hibernate 
for longer periods? 
Guinn

Dear Guinn
Hibernate is quite OK, but avoid Standby. 
However, even in Hibernation, it can't defragment or 
virus-scan.

Remember to allocate time for that, just like you allocate 
some time for an occasional shower.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Tell a man something,
it goes in one ear and comes out of the other.

Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears.

Whisper something near a woman,
it goes in in both her ears
and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

re-run from yesterday

Desert Gardening Tips
I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and 
a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and 
plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water 
sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors 
look droopy.

Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in 
the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our 
water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never 
looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard 
water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and 
soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad.

Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of 
plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, 
and some types of roses which bloom almost all year 
here with very little care and not much water. So we 
are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, 
eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune.
By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Two voices, male and female, on an overnight
"red eye" plane flight:  "I think everyone's
asleep, let's go"
Sound of steps.
"This one's empty.  No one is looking.  You
go in first"
"It's a bit cramped, let me sit down"
"Have you got the condom?  Quick, put it on"
Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything."
"This is great..." (long sigh)

Static on the loud speaker then a new voice.
"This is the captain speaking, to those two
people in the rear toilet. We know what you're
doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the
Government that YOU elected. Now, put those
cigarettes out and take the condom off the
smoke detector...!"
------------
Actually, the easily visible smoke detector is
just a decoy and doesn't work. There is usually
another one up in the light fixture.
If you are on a long flight and need a smoke,
do it like the flight crew: Crouch or kneel in
front of the toilet. You will hear wind noise
from air escaping down the toilet. That air goes
straight outside, and does not go past any smoke
detectors or past the noses of anybody who might
object to your smoking. The flight crew prefers
that you do that, rather than get grouchy at them.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


When the car engine developed a slight knock, Joe
asked his wife if she had bought high octane or
regular gas, but she couldn't remember.

"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said.
"That could account for the roughness of the engine."

"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.

"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband
probingly.

"It cost the same as always," Nancy replied.
"I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."





 »  Plethora

[ view entry ] ( 261 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 446 )

---

More Charter.net email problems 

Thursday, August 5, 2010, 10:06 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 5, 2010

Good judgement comes from experience.
Experience comes from bad judgement.
-- Jim Horning

I don't think anyone should write their
autobiography until after they're dead.
-- Samuel Goldwyn

These days come and go, but they say nothing, and if we do
not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson


Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long
distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of
AT&T, MCI, and Sprint.
"I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one.
"CTC? Who are they?"
"You know," he responded, "Call Them Collect."


One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City.
This was the first time out of their native village,
and it didn't take long before the wife got lost.

The husband asked a passerby for help and was told
to go to the police and report it.

When he got there, a police officer asked him for
the wife's description.

"What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a
description is telling what something looks like.
For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs,
38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about
your wife?"

"Maria can wait, lets go look for yours!"



Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
 
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.

I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.



I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous

14,000 home wood working plans

  Click Here!

If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be

a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!

Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

Click on the picture for the Large Version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Michael Dupree in St Petersburg, Florida

Convicted Burglar Sues Captors Over Citizen's Arrest
A convicted burglar says the man he victimized actually 
committed battery while performing an unnecessarily rough 
citizen's arrest.

Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for cocaine 
possession and burglary after being found guilty of shattering 
Anthony McKoy's car window and stealing a bicycle from inside 
his vehicle in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2007.

Michael Dupree putting on the pounds in prison

But Dupree is seeking $500,000 and punitive damages for 
injuries he says he sustained when McKoy and two other men 
detained him until police arrived, according to the St. Petersburg Times.

Dupree swears another man gave him the bike, which he was 
trying to sell when McKoy and his accomplices confronted him, 
pulled out a gun, handcuffed him and pinned him to the ground 
by painfully placing a knee on his spine.

According to court documents, the citizen's arrest lead to 
"permanent disabilities and psychological disorders which the 
plaintiff continues to suffer."

Unsurprisingly, McKoy has a different version of events.

He told the paper that after realizing his car window was 
shattered, he spotted Dupree -- who happened to be naked -- 
with his bicycle. McKoy and two other men gave chase and 
put Dupree in a shoulder hold until police arrived.

McKoy was stunned after getting served with Dupree's lawsuit.
"I thought it was a joke," he said. "I'm the victim."


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Joyce
Re: Charter.net problems

Dear Webby,
why do i have to have to get your humor letter at gmail     
i don't like it at all       i can't get it set up right       you have 
to sign in every morning
 
i was having problemes with my computer that is why i could 
not get it throught my charter account
Joyce

Dear Joyce
No, the reason you could not get it through Charter.net is 
because of the well known gross incompetence at Charter.net. 
Not your or your computer's fault at all.

Those incompetent morons kept bouncing the subscriptions of 
over 100 of their victims.

Just select an email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, 
Outlook Express, whatever, and check your Gmail with that. 
There is a huge selection of email programs at
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients

A Gmail ADDRESS is just an address.
Don't get stuck with the browser-view. 
The browser view is just ONE of many ways of looking at your mail.
That method is for a fast stand-up check while at the contractor's 
counter at the Home Depot or while visiting a friend. 
THAT mehtod is fast, but very limited, and just intended for
quick peeking while away from YOUR computer.

After you have selected an email program, check in the Gmail 
help how to set up POP email with THAT program. It's actually 
quite easy and straight-forward.

The browser view is like a submarine periscope. Handy under
certain conditions, but very awkward and limited, when you 
are in the harbor and on the surface.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Joe's daughter's eighth grade history class
planned a visit to the US capital.  Unfortunately,
she was not greatly enthusiastic about a trip
that she considered too "educational" to be fun.

However, on their return, Joe was pleased to hear
how she and her classmates had been filled with
awe and emotion as they gazed at the Washington
Monument.

"To think, dad," she marveled.  "We were standing
right where Forrest Gump stood."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Desert Gardening Tips
I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and 
a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and 
plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water 
sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors 
look droopy.

Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in 
the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our 
water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never 
looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard 
water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and 
soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad.

Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of 
plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, 
and some types of roses which bloom almost all year 
here with very little care and not much water. So we 
are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, 
eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune.
By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A man really loved a woman, but he was just too
shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years
and neither of them had ever been married. Of
course, they dated about once a week for the past
sixteen years, but he was so timid he just never got
around to suggesting marriage much less living
together.

But one day, he became determined to ask her the
question. So he calls her on the phone,
"June."
"Yes, this is June."
"Will you marry me?"
"Of course I will!
By the way, who are you?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Son: "Here's my report card, Dad, along with one of
your old ones I found in the attic."

Dad: "Well, Son, you're right. Your report card
isn't any better than mine was.
I guess the only fair thing to do is give you
exactly the same as what my father gave me to smarten
me up, when I brought that one home. Now where is that
old mule whip?"





 »  Plethora

[ view entry ] ( 189 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 687 )

---

Turn it off or leave it running? 

Wednesday, August 4, 2010, 09:39 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame."
--- Benjamin Franklin

Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or 
books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either.
--- Gore Vidal


One day Father Boudreaux and Father Thibodeaux wus
fishin on da side of da road. So as not a make it
obvius that they were fishing, they hung a big
religious poster over a highway sign.
Actually it was da back offa Madonna poster and
dey had hand lettered on it:
"The End is Near! Turn yurself 'Round now afore
it's too late!"

Well, dis one car dat passed didn't appreciate
the sign an da driver wus shouting at dem and hollerin
"Go to hell, you religious nuts!"

Den all of a sudden dey heard a big splash,
an dey looked at each other,
an Fr. Boudreaux said .....
"ya think it's mebbee bad luck ta hang a Madonna
poster onn da 'Bridge Out' sign?"


Thanks to Rollie for this one:
A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest
buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest
and weakest ones at the back that are killed first.
This natural selection is good for the herd as a
whole, because the general speed and health of the
whole group keeps improving by the regular killing
of the weakest members.

In much the same way, the human brain can only
operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive
intake of alcohol,we all know, kills brain cells,
but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest
brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption
of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making
the brain a faster and more efficient machine.

Thasch why you alwaysch feel scho schmart affer 
a few beers.



Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
 
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.

I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.



I found another great deal: 50% off on the famous

14,000 home wood working plans

  Click Here!

If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be

a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!

Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!


Thanks to Janina for this picture:

Large Version

Dear Webby,
This poor dragonfly was dropped by one of the birds who tried 
to have it for dinner in our yard but was challenged for it - 
the birds both lost out but I got a nice photo op :>))   
Looked so nice, thought I'd share with you.  
Thanks for your great advice and humor each day!   
Janina

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to the Hopital staff at Sundsvall, Sweden

Hospital charges man for sewing his wound himself after
too long a wait in ER
A 32-year-old took the needle into his hands when he tired 
of the wait at Sundsvall hospital in northern Sweden and 
sewed up the cut in his leg himself. The man was later 
reported to the police for his impromptu handiwork.

"It took such a long time," the man told the local Sundsvall 
Tidning daily.

The man incurred the deep cut when he sliced his leg on the 
sharp edge of a kitchen stove while he was renovating at home.
"I first went to the health clinic, but it was closed. So I rang the 
medical help line and they told me that it shouldn't be closed, 
so I went to emergency and sat there," the man named only 
as Jonas told the newspaper.

After an hour-long wait in a treatment room, he lost patience 
and proceeded to sew up his own wound.
"They had set out a needle and thread and so I decided to 
take the matter into my hands," he said.

Hospital staff were not as pleased by his initiative and have 
reported the man on suspicion of arbitrary conduct for having 
used hospital equipment without authorization.

While Jonas admitted to the newspaper that he has no prior 
experience of sewing himself up, he sought to play down the 
fuss that his handiwork has caused, arguing that "through the 
ages people have always sewn themselves up". 

---------------
I sure have, until I learned the magic of Crazy-Glue and 
DuckTape!


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Clyde
Re: Turn off, or leave it running?

Dear Webby,
Is it better to turn off every night or let things run until 
there is another reason?
Clyde

Dear Clyde
That depends on how much you use your computer.
If it is used for work 10 or more hours a day, then it 
is better to leave it running, so that your Diskeeper
can defrag it and your anti-virus program can scan 
it while you sleep. 

However, if you are just using it for a few hours a 
day, then it is better to turn it off.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


A customer moves away from a bank window,
counts his change, and then goes back and says
to the cashier,
"Hey, you gave me the wrong change!"

"Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the
cashier. "We don't make corrections after you
leave. There's nothing I can do about it now.
That's the policy of this bank."

"Well, ok," answered the customer.
"Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me
an extra twenty. Bye."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Fresh Mint for Air Freshener
I use fresh mint from my overgrown mint patch for air freshener. 
I gather a small handful and crush it up a bit, put a couple 
of bread ties or rubber band around it and hang it from the 
light fixture of the ceiling fan. I also put one hanging in 
front of the box fan. It leaves a really great smell, free 
and green.
By cheep_livin from Brownsville, OH

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends
relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their
peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome,
visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure
themselves total privacy.

Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door
of their RV:

"Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Scientists were excited this week at having isolated
a brief sound which occurred immediately before
the Big Bang.

Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!."





 »  Big 4 Footers

[ view entry ] ( 335 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 272 )

---

StrikeOut 

Tuesday, August 3, 2010, 08:28 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you
if you could know how seldom they do.
--- Olin Miller

If you aren't fired with enthusiasm,
you will be fired with enthusiasm.
--- Vince Lombardi

A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has
cheated some woman out of a divorce.
--- Don Quinn


One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table
working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter
about government.  The boy turned to his father and asked,
"Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?"

Without hesitation, his father said, 
"Oh, probably less than half of them."


Apparently nobody is interested in the Secret 11 Laws either.
Well, if nobody is interested, I am not donating space for it.
I'll try to find a different treat for tomorrow.

The psychiatrists were attending their
first seminar on emotional extremes.

"Just to establish some parameters," said the speaker,
"Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

"And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?"

"Elation."

"And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?"
Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddy-up."



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.




Ad on the back of a bus in Amsterdam

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Robert Grimstad, 38, in Des Moines, Iowa

Drunk driving on lawn mower, at night
 An Iowa man ended up in jail after he was pulled over for 
 driving on a motorway at night with no lights - on a lawn mower.

Robert Grimstad, 38, was allegedly driving all over Highway 17, 
near Des Moines, when he was stopped by sheriff's deputies.
He told police officers that he was out on his six-speed lawn 
mower picking up cans out of community spirit.

But officers smelt alcohol on his breath, gave him a blood 
test and charged him with drunk driving, reports the Des 
Moines Register.

Boone County Sheriff Ron Fehr says it's illegal in Iowa to 
drive any kind of motor vehicle anywhere in Iowa while drunk.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cookie
Re: Strike-out

Dear Webby,
This morning I was writing a friend and put in 'Happy Monday' 
and I wondered if there was a way to put slash marks or x's 
through those words as a spoof. You know you could still see 
what was written but it would be x'd or slashed through.
 
Thanks againg and have a wonderful day.
Cookie

Dear Cookie
Do you mean strikeout ?

Along with Bold, Italic, and Underlined, Strikeout is one of 
the four basic "decorations",
and all decent word processors and email programs have it included.

In HTML you use the STRIKE tag.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


"May I take your order?" the waiter asked.

"Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?"

"Nothing special sir," he said.
"A short prayer and then we just tell them straight out 
that they're going to die."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Shop Once a Week
Shopping only once a week and going to the store on your 
busiest day is the key to spending less on groceries. Over 
the past few months I have stuck to a simple rule: Grocery 
shopping once a week.

By Bella Swan from Forks, WA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A teacher was upset that one little boy was swearing in
class. "Todd," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of
language. Where did you hear those words?"

"My daddy says that," Todd replied.

"Well, that doesn't matter," the teacher explained. "I
don't want to hear that language in here again." Turning
away, the teacher muttered "At least he doesn't know what
it means."

"I do, too!" the little boy replied. "It means the car
won't start!


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Doctor: "Have you ever been troubled by appendicitis?"
Patient: "Only when I've tried to spell it."





 »  P.O. cats

[ view entry ] ( 361 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 485 )

---

Cleaning a digital camera 

Monday, August 2, 2010, 07:30 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 2, 2010

In order to succeed beyond your wildest expectations,
first you need some wild expectations.
--- Socratex

Though no one can go back and make a brand new start,
anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending.
--- Carl Bard


insurance company. Sandy spoke to the insurance
agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty
thousand, and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance
doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will
assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide
you with a new barn of similar worth."

There was a long pause, and then Sandy replied, "If that's how
it works, cancel the life insurance policy on my husband!"


Get The 11 Forgotten Laws
Law Of Attraction, The Secret, etc. 
This is BIG stuff! Don't try it unless you have at least
temporary access to high speed to download it.
Normally $300 or more. With this link, you can get the
whole course for $97, or try it for a week for $5.
I will only have this link for one day.
Get The 11 Forgotten Laws

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story
of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part
of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the
farmer.

She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what
do you think that farmer said?"

 raised a hand and said, "I think he
said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'"

The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10
minutes.



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.


Thanks to dad for this picture:

It's just a small man-made pond to store water for snow-making
in winter, but it sure looks pretty!
If you want to look up on Google Earth where he had gone to yesterday,
the location is: 47° 03.839',9° 58.488'
Pictures from that trip are at http://dawna.com

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Boris Simonov in Moscow, Russia

Threw money into the wind
 A Russian official suspected of accepting bribes threw more 
 than $313,000 out of his car window during a police chase 
 in Moscow.

Fisheries Agency official Boris Simonov frantically flung 
10 million roubles into the wind after he crashed his Cadillac, 
local media reported.

The state-run First Channel television showed scores of 
large-denomination rouble notes being collected by police 
beside a thoroughfare in south-central Moscow.
The TV program showed two suspects handcuffed and lying on 
the road beside the smashed-up Cadillac.

The crash happened as they were being chased by Federal 
Security Service agents on a busy Moscow highway.

Mr Simonov and his boss, Roman Postnikov, are accused of 
having taken bribes from businessmen involved in selling fishing 
permits at reservoirs on the outskirts of Moscow.
The arrested officials worked for the Federal Fisheries Agency 
and it is alleged the businessmen used bribes to obtain an 
illegally back-dated contract.

Both fishery officials will be jailed for two months pending further 
investigation, the committee said.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Patricia
Re: Cleaning a digital camera

Dear Webby,
You have so many helpful hints, how about one for cleaning my 
digital camera casing? It has quite a few years of grime, sticky 
hands belonging to grandkids and myself, smog, etc. I've wiped 
it with a wet cloth but it seems to be stickier.
 
having lots of fun,
Patricia

Dear Patricia
A soft cloth well dampened with Windex or a Citrus based 
household cleaner works well, even on the lens. Well washed
torn up old t-shirts make great camera rags.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


An English professor announced to the class: 
"There are two words I don't allow in my class. 
One is gross and the other is cool."

From the back of the room a voice called out,
"Like, what word is gross and which one is cool ?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Break Your Dishwasher Tabs In Half
Make your dishwasher tabs go twice as far! Buy only the 
dishwasher detergent in tablet form so it can be broken in half. 
Use just one half for each load unless running a very soiled 
load. Dishes get just as clean and the box lasts twice as long! 
Also, there is a $2.25 coupon for these tabs on a regular basis 
that often coincides with a grocery store special.

Source: My frugal self - just tried it a few times and was convinced!
By Nan from Charlotte

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Only in Oklahoma can you hear....

"You wanna Coke?"
"Yeah."
"What kind?"
"Dr. Pepper."
"Sorry, we only got Pepsi"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


 "How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?"
 demanded the policeman.

 The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low
 moan.  His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease
 up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take
 it so hard. It isn't that serious."

 "It isn't?" whimpered the driver. "What happened to my boat and
six cases of beer in it?"





 »  Playing with food

[ view entry ] ( 170 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 290 )

---

Scheduling hard drive defragging 

Sunday, August 1, 2010, 08:34 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 1, 2010

Humans are the only animals that have children on
purpose with the exception of guppies,
who like to eat theirs.
--- P. J. O'Rourke

"Believe that life is worth living and your
belief will help create the fact."
--- William James


 A man goes to the doctor and tells him that
 he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor
 examines him, leaves the room and comes
 back with three different bottles of pills.

 The doctor says, "Take the Big pill with a
 big glass of water when you get up. Take the
 little pink pill with a big glass of water after lunch.
 Then just before going to bed, take the red pill
 with another big glass of water."

 Startled to be put on so much medicine the
 man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly
 what's my problem?"

 Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."


Competition BBQ Secrets
A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and 
the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, 
chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! 
There is more to life than hamburgers!
Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!

Recently, in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive
parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given
his OK for the man to park there.

The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if
he ever saw him  again, and the man replied that he would.

The Judge then said, "Good.  When you see the Officer again,
tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:

Large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Steven Melendez, 24, in Mansfield Ohio

PUI Pushing a stroller while intoxicated
MANSFIELD, Ohio -- A Mansfield man is facing unusual charges 
for pushing his children in a stroller while he was intoxicated.

24-year-old Steven Melendez says his sons,who are one and 
three years-old, mean the world to him. However, Melendez 
concedes he had been drinking when he put the boys in a 
stroller and went to pick up a money order near their home 
on Monday.

Melendez tells Fox 8 "stupidly after having a couple of 
drinks you know I shouldn't be going out but I was trying 
to make sure I had the money and stuff and got it so I had 
everything that day. I went out and about and was headed 
there to get the money and the cops stopped me."

After receiving a 911 call from a concerned resident, 
Mansfield Police arrested Melendez on charges of child 
endangering and public intoxication.

Police say he passed out when they took him to the Richland 
County Jail to be booked, and he had to be taken to a nearby 
hospital for treatment.

Melendez says "point blank I was wrong, I shouldn't have went 
out and had anything to drink, I mean I wasn't stumbling stupid 
drunk or nothing but you know it happened, it's over. 
I've just got to go and do what I have to do to deal with it."

Melendez says he is now taking steps to treat his drinking 
problem.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
Re: Defragmenting the hard drive

Dear Webby,
Thank you for the wonderful humor today. What a great way 
to start the day. 
I just installed Diskeeper trial version today. I looked at their 
help sedction bur got more confused. Hpw do I know if it is 
automatically defragementing at all times? I think I saw 
"automatic defrag" checked but am not sure if it is running. 
Also should i do a manual defrag every so often as I was 
used to doing theur "my computer"?
Thanks again for your fun & tips.
Have a purrfect day,
Sharon  

Dear Sharon
When you got it set to automatically defragment whenever
the screen saver comes on, then of course you will never
SEE it in action. You will simply notice that the computer
is getting faster every day.

It is a good idea to do one manually set defrag first. 
Just set it to start at a time when you are not using the
computer, because all that shuffling around will temporarily
slow it down a bit. While it is doing that, you will see an
activity icon in the task bar.

After that, set it to automatically defrag whenever the 
screen saver comes on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was
speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble
controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the
congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually
not such a big boob."

The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's
okay. We all like big boobs."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

"No Boredom Bag" For Car Trips
For car trips with kids, I make a "no boredom bag". 
It can be a backpack, or any bag, but ones with pockets 
are good. It depends on what age as to what you put in it, 
but I usually put the following for my 9 year old: 4-5 
coloring/activity books, a book to read, a small pack of 
crayons, a small pack of markers, a small MagnaDoodle, 
various snacks, a spill-proof cup, wet wipes, some car 
games, and an mp3 player. Most of it can be bought at the 
dollar store, and can be mixed and matched according to 
the child's preferences and ages, and it solves the 
"Are we there yet?" and "I'm so bored!" comments.

By blueflye from ID

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


That joke above reminds me of Nancy, who is rather top-heavy.
Nancy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the
side of the road.  She didn't have her seat belt on so as
soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before
the officer got to her window. Her downward vision of 
course was blocked, and she was in a hurry fumbling 
the belt.

After talking to her about speeding, the officer said,
"I see you are wearing your seat belt.  Do you believe
in wearing it at all times?"

"Yes, I do, officer," she replied.

"Well," asked the officer, "do you always wear it
looped through your steering wheel?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative
phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising
effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated."

Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change
my mind and volunteer.

I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what
that means?"

She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"





 »  Railway Pictures

[ view entry ] ( 122 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 441 )

---

Reading bookmarks 

Saturday, July 31, 2010, 08:45 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 31, 2010

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case
of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet
meeting.
--- Ronald Reagan

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat
slowly, and lie about your age.
--- Lucille Ball

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
--- John Russell


After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest
military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at
Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight
siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our
many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped
customs area.

A young customs official watched our entourage in
disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, "'Do all these children and
this luggage belong to you?'' 

''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, they're all mine.''

The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am,
do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs
in your possession?''

''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those
items, I would have used them by now.''


Competition BBQ Secrets
A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and 
the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, 
chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! 
There is more to life than hamburgers!
Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!

The young lady walked over to the room where she
knew her friend was.

"May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman
blocking the door.

"We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the
patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of
the family?"

"Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady.

"Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman.
"I'm his mother!"



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.


Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:

Large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to the Kato family in Tokyo, Japan

Tokyo's oldest man dead for 30 years
On the occasion of Sogen Kato’s 111th birthday, officials in 
Tokyo, Japan wanted to pay the oldest man in the city a visit 
to celebrate his amazing milestone. But when they arrived 
at the home, they were turned away by Mr. Kato’s 
granddaughter, who told them, “My grandfather is well, 
but he’s refused to meet with anyone.”

On Wednesday, the granddaughter went to police and told them 
the truth: Mr. Kato had been dead for at least 30 years, and 
was still in his bedroom. His mummified remains were lying in 
bed, wearing long underwear and covered by a blanket. 
A newspaper from 1978 was by his side.

His family said Mr. Kato had taken to his room 30 years ago 
in an effort to be like Buddha and refused to eat or drink, 
the Daily Mainichi News reported.

“He shut himself in a first-floor room about 30 years ago in 
line with his doctrines, refusing to take food or water. When 
we looked inside the room in March this year, we saw the 
skeletal remains of our grandfather,” a granddaughter told police.

Mr. Kato lived with his daughter, 81, son-in-law, 83, and two 
grandchildren, 49 and 53. His wife died in 2004 at the age of 101.

Police are now investigating the family on fraud charges, as 
a US$110,000 survivor’s pension was claimed in Mr. Kato’s 
name. Police also say US$31,000 was withdrawn from 
Mr. Kato’s account this month.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Nita
Re: Reading bookmarks

Dear Webby,
Saving a list of bookmarks is a great idea.  Now I can save 
the list to my desktop then cut and paste them into a document 
and print them to study offline.

My question is this: how can I get these bookmarks to display 
the URL without having to go to each one and open it?   
'Nita

Dear Nita
By default, the bookmarks are saved in HTML format, the 
language that browsers understand.
When you click on the shortcut to the exported bookmarks, 
FireFox, or whatever browser you use, opens the bookmarks file.
When you hover over a link, it shows you the URL in the status 
line. (If you got Status Line checkmarked in VIEW).

If you open the bookmarks file with Open Office Write, it pops 
a thumbnail with the URL whenever you hover the cursor 
over a Link

I don't know of a free program, that will split links into 
Title and URL. However, once you have the bookmarks file open 
in Open Office Write, you can right-click a link, 
select COPY HYPERLINK LOCATION,
move the cursor beside it, 
and hit CTRL V to paste the URL.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Sue gave her hubby a state-of-the-art metal detector.
He excitedly took his new toy to the back yard to
try it out.

When he scattered some change on the ground, it seemed
to work fine. Then, even when he wasn't near the coins,
the thing kept going off.  Over and over, he adjusted and
re-adjusted with no luck.  After watching him for a while,
Sue said, "I think I know what's wrong."

"I know what I'm doing!" he snapped back.

After 20 minutes, he finally turned to her.
"Okay, what's wrong?"

Sue said, "You're standing over the buried oil tank."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reusing Paper Towels
If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, 
reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They 
dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen 
linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish 
towels and avoid using paper towels at all!

By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Back in the 1960s we didn't have the space station buzzing
around within rifle range of the mountains to get all
excited about.  We had to settle for men walking on the
crummy old moon.

In my day, we didn't have virtual reality.  If a one-eyed,
razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe,
you just had to hope your axe was better than his.

In my day you couldn't take basket weaving or acting
instead of math. And that was before they invented
calculators! If you couldn't calculate the trajectory
of an intercontinental missile with a pencil and paper, 
well, then you just repeated Grade 6 until you could.
It's actually not that hard if you know a bit of trig.

In my day, we didn't have school buses. We had to hitch
a ride on a dinosaur or wrap barb wire around our feet for
traction and walk to school 5 Miles, and it was all uphill. 
Both ways!


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.





 »  Asphalt Volcanoes

[ view entry ] ( 391 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 461 )

---

Hotmail Limits 

Friday, July 30, 2010, 10:02 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 30, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to
say a word increases with its likelihood to make a
sailor blush.
--- Socratex


Max dies and leaves Sadie with a total of $20,000 to her name.
After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, 
she tells her closest friend that she has no money left.

The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you
still had $20,000 left just after Max died. How could
you be broke?"

The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $5,000.
And of course, I made a donation to the temple, so
that was another $5,000. The rest went for the
memorial stone."

The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone?
Vayismere! How big is it?"

"Three carats."


Don't worry about everybody learning the tricks in this book.
So far not a single subscriber has been able to scrape together
the $30 for this big cook book. It seems to be priced to keep
those BBQ Competition Secrets a secret of a very small elite.


Competition BBQ Secrets
A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and 
the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, 
chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! 
There is more to life than hamburgers!
Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!


Gina was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to
Germany, where her husband was stationed in the
military.
As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent
asked her some standard security questions.
"Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't
pack yourself?" he asked.

Gina told him that her mother-in-law had given her a
parcel to take to her son.

He looked at Gina very carefully and very slowly and
deliberately asked:
"Does she like you?"



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.



Large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Anthony Lee, 49, from North Yorkshire, England

Tried to sell the Ritz
An out-of-work truck driver has been jailed for five years 
for trying to sell London's exclusive Ritz Hotel for £250 million.

Anthony Lee had persuaded a financier and a property dealer 
that he was an associate of the Barclay brothers, the hotel's 
owners, reports the BBC.

In what the judge called 'an elaborate and outrageous scam', 
Lee intimated that the brothers had secret reasons for selling 
their hotel and wanted to do it through a third party.

The two interested buyers handed over a deposit of £1m, but 
when the sale failed to go through, it was never returned.


By the way, Sandy from near the town of Geelong, featured in
yesterday's Bonehead Award, told me that Geelong is in Victoria,
not Tasmania. Sorry about that!

From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cleta
Re: Hotmail Limits

WEBBY, I HAVE A MSN ADDRESS BUT ALL OF MY E-MAILS GO THRU 
HOTMAIL. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOW HOTMAIL CAN TELL ME 
THAT I HAVE SENT ENOUGH E-MAILS FOR TODAY. THAT I CAN'T 
SEND ANYMORE FOR 24 HOURS, UNLESS I PAY THEM 19.99. 
THEN I CAN SEND 300 OF THEM IF I WANTED TO. 
THANK YOU VERY MUCH WEBBY.

CLETA

Dear Cleta
I have no idea what kind of games they play in that sandbox,
and I have NEVER in my life paid for emails.

Considering that you can get Earthlink high speed DSL for 
$14.95 a month, 
and nobody giving a hoot about how many emails you send,
it would be rather silly to wait with graduating from the 
sandbox. 

Earthlink is just an example off the top of my head. 
They are at http://www.earthlink.net/access/
check if they are available in your neck of the woods.

If you shop around, you might find even better deals.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


Two is equal to two, except when referring to time.
Two minutes of a child's temper tantrum at the
supermarket last 20 times as long as the two hours
of her nap time.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Reusing Paper Towels
If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, 
reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They 
dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen 
linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish 
towels and avoid using paper towels at all!

By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents
are permitted access to the telephone.

Some people make things happen,
some watch things happen,
some wonder what the heck happened.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Boudreaux left the bayou and moved to Arkansas
and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer.

The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day.
The next day, the farmer drove up and said,

"I'm sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey
died last night."

"Sacri-Bleu" said Boudreaux, "den gimme my money
back."

"I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already."

"OK, den. Jus' unload dat donkey."

"What are you gonna do with him?"

"Hi ham gon-to raffle him off."

"You can't raffle a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!"

"Well dats where you wrong.! You wait you an' you
learn how smart we Cajuns are!"

A month later the farmer ran into the Cajun and
asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?"

"Hi raffled dat donkey off. Hi sold 1000 tickets at two
dollar apiece and made too towsend buck. Dat was
enough for a old JonDeere  with a bucket, an hi use
dat to bury your dead donkey."

"Didn't anyone complain?"

"Jus dat guy who won. So Hi give him his two dollar
back. You got any more donkey?"





 »  Rural America

[ view entry ] ( 309 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 468 )

---

Why not Auto-Renew Anti-Virus programs? 

Thursday, July 29, 2010, 08:55 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 29, 2010

"One man with courage makes a majority."
--- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845)

"What a new face courage puts on everything!"
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson

Courage is the triumph of integrity over fear.
--- Socratex

The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door
handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip.
The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,
weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched
as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run
down by her driver.

She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on
the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to
slow down, he actually accelerated as he
approached the truck.

He slipped his cab through the available space with
an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the
passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?"

"Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."


I found a prize deal for you!
Competition BBQ Secrets
A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and 
the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, 
chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! 
There is more to life than hamburgers!
Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!


One night a wife found her husband standing over
their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him.
As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she
saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief,
doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and
skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and
the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening
she slipped her arm around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered. 

"It's truly amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody
can make a crib like that for only $49.95."



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.



Large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Eilish De Avalon, 40, in Geelong, Australia

Your laws don't apply to me!
A SELF-PROCLAIMED witch in Geelong, Tasmania told a traffic 
cop she was not subject to earthly laws as she was 
"a being from another world".

"Your laws and penalties don't apply to me. I'm not accepting 
them, I'm sorry, I must go, thank you," Eilish De Avalon said, 
driving off with the officer's arm caught in her driver's side door.

The alien defence was played out in Geelong Magistrates' Court 
yesterday when De Avalon, who had also told police she "had a 
universal name that is not recognised here", pleaded guilty to 
recklessly causing serious injury, dangerous driving and driving 
while suspended, using a mobile phone while driving and failing 
to stop on police request on February 23.

"De Avalon was a suspended driver and that is why she took off," 
Leading Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said.

The court heard that the policeman had feared for his life when 
De Avalon drove off with his right arm pinned in her car window.
Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said De Avalon ignored repeated 
calls to stop and instead accelerated, reaching up to 60km/h as 
she dragged Leading Senior Constable Andrew Logan 190m along 
busy Moorabool St.

De Avalon had only stopped after being forced to slow in traffic 
and the officer grabbed the keys from her ignition.

De Avalon, 40, a marriage celebrant, of Victory Way, Highton, 
had initially been stopped after she was seen using a mobile 
phone while driving about 10.40am.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Marnie
Re: Auto-renew McAfee or not?

Dear Webby,
At my last job they were quite fanatic and insistent about 
turning OFF the Auto-Renew for McAfee, but I forgot the reason
why, or if I have ever been told the reason.
What is the point of that?
Marnie

Dear Marnie
yes, most definitely turn the Auto-Renew OFF. They nag and 
pester you to renew anyway, when the time comes.

If you don't turn the Auto-Renew off, they keep automatically
renewing THAT subscription for years, long after that computer
has been turned into a geranium box. 

If new machines come with a trial version pre-installed, 
you don't usually bother to figure out how to transfer the 
license from the old one. Eventually you wind up with 
automatically renewed licenses for a whole bunch of 
geranium planters and garage decorations.

It is a bit tricky, but unused licenses CAN be transferred,
however, you don't get a refund if you retire a computer,
that just has had it's license auto-renewed. So it is best to
turn the Auto-Renew off and just renew manually when it 
is actually due for renewal.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


By chance, John Smith witnessed a mugging. About
an hour later, the cops arrived, and the officer in
charge asked the witness his name. "John Smith,"
said Smith. 

"Cut the funny business," the cop barked sharply. 
"What's your real name?" 

"All right," said Smith, "put me down as Albert Einstein." 

"That's more like it," said the man in blue. "You can't fool ME
with that John Smith stuff."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Check Electricity Continuity in Your Freezer
If you travel often, even if only for a weekend, there is a chance 
your electricity may go off. If so, when you get home, you won't 
know if the food in your freezer has been thawed and then 
frozen again.

In order to know, put 2 or 3 ice cubes in a baggie in the freezer. 
When you come home, check that baggie. If there is a frozen 
puddle, you'll know the electricity was off long enough to defrost 
your food. You may not want to keep those pork chops!

With digital clocks being so sophisticated now, they may not 
blink anymore after a power outage, so the only way you'd 
know is if you check your little ice bag.

By Candace from Scottsdale, AZ

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


At the company water cooler, the office braggart was
boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the
day was about his children's world travels: one son
was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern
Italy. Then he told everyone that his daughter was
working on a year's research project in India.

"What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that
makes your kids want to get THAT far away from you ?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to
confession to deal with his transgression. In the
confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned.

"What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest.
"I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man.
"How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest.
"Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new
doghouse."

The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad."
The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-
car garage."

"Well, now, that's a little more serious."
"Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the
4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!"

With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little
more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a
novena."

"Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've
got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"

(a novena is a rather lengthy set of prayers)





 »  Fancy Edibles

[ view entry ] ( 428 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 96 )

---

Problem with OE receiving, but not able to send email 

Wednesday, July 28, 2010, 09:03 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 28, 2010

If you look at life one way,
there is always cause for alarm.
--- Elizabeth Bowen

Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be
maintained quite unaltered through the
course of hours.
--- Mark Twain


Arnie came into school looking somewhat tired and
bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour
tardiness.

"Our chickens have been disappearing." He said.
"And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But
nothing happened for several nights. Then last night
about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and
his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with
him to the chicken house to see what was going on."

He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and
as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue
cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it.

Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up
a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I
missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."


A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten
ready -- all dressed up, cat put out, etc.
The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of
their home, the cat shoots back into the house.
Not wanting their often-rowdy cat to have free
run of the house while they were out, the husband
went back upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house would
be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just
going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab
and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing
was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her
with the mop to get her to come out!"

The cab driver almost hit a parked car.



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:

Large version

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to a 40 year old female shoplifter in Barrie, Ontario

Thanks to Jackie for sending in this one:

Applicant can add ‘shoplifting’ to resume
Job hunter stole clothes from store where she interviewed

Don't leave your resume behind at the scene of the crime. 
Barrie cops didn't have to look too hard for an alleged 
shoplifter who was hunting for a job at the same time 
over the weekend.

The 40-year-old woman was at a Bayfield St. store for a 
job interview but after meeting the store manager and 
handing over her resume, the woman was spotted on store 
security cameras lifting several items, police said.

She bolted with the items and the store manager, who was 
in the backroom at the time, called the cops. 

Barrie Police attended the store and, as they say in their 
press release, "easily identified the thief using her resume." 

No kidding. 

Investigators sifting through security footage also found the 
woman had been in the store the previous day. 
Police allege she is on video stealing the clothing that she wore 
for her job interview. 

The unidentified woman has been charged with two counts of 
theft under $5,000. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Hank
Re: Can't send mail with Outlook Express

Dear Webby,
I am having problems with my PC. I can receive mail with OE 
but can't send.
I can use GMail to send and receive.
The power was off for three hours and that is when my problems 
began. I had the DSL guys out here (2 of them). They said the 
problem is with my PC as they could recieve  ok with their 
laptops hooked up to my modem. Should I continue just using 
gmail or have the PC taken to the Dr.?

Thanks for your help.
hank

Dear Hank
Those clowns are clueless!
If you can receive but not send, then your modem is OK and 
you either
1) have the wrong SMTP Server named in the email program set-up 
or
2) the SMTP server of your ISP has a problem authenticating you.

With DSL you are normally authenticated by the DSL modem, 
but you can play with that setting in your email program and toggle
"Allow Authentication" on or off.

You didn't mention who the clowns are working for, but it would 
probably be a very good idea to set your Gmail to POP and 
process it with your OE. 
Instructions are here: 
Set OE for Gmail POP

Your Gmail address is a lifetime address, and you won't have to 
change your address every time you change ISPs. Then you 
can tell the clowns to just forward your mail to your Gmail address

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Here is a much requested classic:

A lady picked up several items at a discount store.
When she finally got up to the check-out,
she learned that one of her items had no price tag.
Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got
on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to
hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN,
TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE."

That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of
the store apparently misunderstood the word
"Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS."

In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over
the intercom.
"DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH
YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN
WITH A HAMMER?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Panty Hose to Keep Ceiling Fan Clean
An easy way to keep ceiling fans clean. Cut the legs off old 
pantyhose and put one on each blade, stretching them until 
the whole blade is covered. You'll have extra at the motor end 
so twist this until it's a tight roll then tuck it back into the "leg". 
When the pantyhose gets dusty, just remove and wash.

We live on the edge of a gibber desert where it's very dusty 
so our fans are always dressed in their best. No longer plain 
white, they look very colourful. They're currently wearing 
purple and black.

Works well in the city also, where fans pick up city grime.

By magicalmarilyn from Millstream, Western Australia

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery
center often chatted with patients before their
operations to help them relax.
One day he thought he recognized a woman as a
co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained.

When the patient confirmed that his hunch was
correct, he said,
"So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to
be?"
"Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and
wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at
least ten years and twenty pounds since she had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so she
sought her husband's advice.
"What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini
or an all-in-one?"

"Better get a bikini," he replied.
"You'd never get it all into one."





 »  Brain Buckets

[ view entry ] ( 371 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.4 / 134 )

---

Save all bookmarks at once 

Tuesday, July 27, 2010, 09:03 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A computer will not make a good manager out of a
bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster
and a bad manager worse faster.
---Edward M Esber

"Manners are like the zero in arithmetic; they may not
be much in themselves, but they are capable of
adding a great deal to the value of everything else."
--- Freya Stark


Two campers are walking through the forest when
they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear
rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar.
They're both frozen in their tracks.
The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my
running shoes today."
"It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing,
you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the
second.
"I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun
YOU," he answers, as he takes off.


Overheard in the elevator:

Two sure ways to spot a REALLY sexy man (or
woman)
The first is, he (or she) has bad memory.
......
I forgot the second.



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.





If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, in Penryn, California

Man broke into bar, served patrons
PENRYN, Calif. (UPI) -- Police in Penryn, Calif., said a 
transient who is well known to deputies broke into a bar and 
served customers for a couple of days before being found out. 

The Valencia Club went out of business in June but Travis 
Lloyd Kevie, 29, opened it back up July 16, complete with an 
"Open" sign in the window, the Sacramento Bee reported. 
Kevie served an estimated 30 customers a day during the 
weekend, the newspaper said. 

The reopening apparently was newsworthy in the area, as 
the Auburn (Calif.) Journal even carried an item in which 
Kevie was quoted as saying it was "a dream come true" for 
him to operate the club. 

Placer County Sheriff's Detective Jim Hudson happened to 
see the news item and recognized Kevie. Hudson went to 
the club Wednesday and determined Kevie had no liquor 
license. Kevie was arrested on suspicion of burglary and 
selling alcohol without a license, the Bee said. 

Kevie had worked on a crew brought in to clean the building 
after the Valencia Club was shut down. 

Investigators said Kevie bought a six-pack of beer at a 
convenience store and then used money from selling the 
beer to buy more alcohol -- continuing to build the business 
until he had "10 to 12 bottles of hard liquor and a couple 
of cases of beer." 

Police said they confiscated a large of amount of cash and 
alcohol from the bar. 

If he had obtained a license, he would have gotten away with 
it at least until rent was due.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Jai
Re: Saving FireFox bookmarks

Dear Webby
I have been trying to save all my bookmarks, and I cannot 
figure it out.  Saving one by one would be time consuming, 
do you know a shortcut?
Thanks again,
Jai

Dear Jai
1. Open Firefox.
2. Select Bookmarks > Organize Bookmarks.
3. The Bookmarks Manager opens. Click File > Export…
4. Save the bookmark.html file wherever you wish. Desktop, CD, 
Floppy, Memory Stick, Online, anywhere.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas
station. After he had paid and driven away, he
realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car.
He stopped and looked and, yes, it was lost.

Well, he thought for a second and realized that other
people must have done the same thing, and that it
was worth going back to look by the side of the road
since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he
might be able to find one that fit.
Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he
found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place
with a satisfying click.
"Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found
another one that fits. And this one's even better, 
because it locks ..."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Avoid Watering Down Your Summer Drinks
Instead of watering down your soft drinks with ice cubes, 
I use soda that has gone flat and freeze it in an ice cube 
tray. I also make extra iced tea, and do the same thing. 
Never again do I have watery drinks. Try it. It will make 
a big difference.
By Wayne from St Albans, NY

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room
suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the
salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can
afford it."
The salesman says, "You just make a small down
payment...
then you don't make another payment for six months."

Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips
and demanded: "Who told you about us?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Officers at a military installation were being lectured
about a new computer. The training officer said the
computer was able to withstand nuclear and
chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be
driven over and even dropped from a plane.

Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of
coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking
in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee."

The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?"
"Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."





 »  Fancy Cakes

[ view entry ] ( 220 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 393 )

---

Clean your computer for better speed 

Monday, July 26, 2010, 09:08 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 26, 2010

Baseball is like church. Many attend,
few understand.
--- Leo Durocher

I'm a philosophy major.
That means I can think deep thoughts
about being unemployed.
--- Bruce Lee


Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping
address of their customers to make them fit on the printed
labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently was
not amused when the label on their box displayed,
"Ass Of God Church".


It was little Harry's first visit to the country, and
feeding the chickens fascinated him.
Late one evening he caught his first glimpse of a
peacock strutting in the yard, feathers spread
beautifully in all its glory.
Rushing indoors excitedly, Harry called out for
his grandma. . . .
"Gramma, Gramma, come see! Come see!" he exclaimed.
"One of your chickens is in bloom!"



Become A Fat Burning Furnace

  Click Here!

Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
 
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!

It is a method, not a diet or pills.




 Large version of the picture
Dad hiked over a mountain and came down from the pass into a 
mountain village, where they happened to have a horse & carriage 
parade. So he took a whole bunch of pictures. I put them up onto
his site at http://dawna.com

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to three women in Springfield, Missouri

Diners flee without paying, but forget purses
SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (AP) - A dine-and-dash escapade went bad 
when two of the fleeing diners left their purses behind. The 
Springfield News-Leader reported that no charges had been 
filed as of midweek against the three women who ran from a 
Waffle House restaurant Sunday morning without paying their 
$39 bill. The general manager said the women seemed 
intoxicated or under the influence of drugs.

The Springfield paper said a short time after fleeing, one of 
the women returned to the store and demanded the purses.

The manager said he told the woman she needed to wait for 
police to arrive, but she ran.

A police report said the purses contained identifying documents, 
along with what appeared to be a check stub from another 
Waffle House in Arkansas.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: D.
Re: Computer cleaning controversy

Dear Webby
I remember you usually rant and rave and get quite obnoxious,
when anybody mentions using compressed air for cleaning.
Got a mail where somebody suggests unplugging the computer
and using compressed air and a paintbrush to clean the inside.

What's the official word?
D.

Dear D.
Anybody who suggests unplugging a computer for cleaning,
has not yet graduated from cleaning toasters.

If you unplug your computer, then there is nothing to drain
the static electricity to safe ground. Turn it off, sure, but 
leave it plugged in! That way, all the static on you from 
dragging the cats across the carpet, is safely conducted 
away and zeroed the moment you touch the case. 

Don't worry, there is no dangerous electricity in the computer,
ecept in that shiny, pop-riveted power supply box in the corner.

The same goes for the vauum cleaner hose. Any static that 
may be on it, is safely zeroed though YOU, even if you don't
first touch the outside of the case with it, because most
likely you got the other hand resting on the computer case,
and not combing your bee-hive wig while cleaning the computer.

Using compressed air is only recommended by compressed
air salespeople, those, who want to sell you a new computer,
optometrists who want to get paid for digging grit out of your
eyes, and juveniles, who get off on "huffing" canned air.

Unlike a vacuum cleaner, compressed air does not get rid
of anything. It just temporarily moves it out of sight, or
into your eyes. That is rather silly, even when cleaning 
toasters.

After vauuming out the dust bunnies and dust, do NOT try
to generate static by stroking the plastic CPU fan shroud
with a paint brush! Try those experiments with your cats
instead. 

Unclip the fan shrouds. That can be a bit tricky, similar to
opening child proof medicine bottles and may have to be
delegated to a kid. However, they ALL unclip without fancy
tools, if you gently push in the right places.

Then take the shroud and fan/heatsink assembly out and
vacuum it thoroughly. Often the heat sink has a white grease
on one side, where it touches the CPU. Try not to get that 
side dirty or cleaned off. It does need that heatsink grease.

If you accidentally cleaned it off, you can get tiny tubes of it
at the Radio Shack, electronics stores and many computer
stores. You don't need a lot of it, just enough to level the
microscopic imperfections in the surface of the chip. Half
a match-head is usually too much.

If the heat sink, that shiny ribbed piece of metal, is clogged
or dirty, clean it with a Q-Tip and Windex until it looks shiny
and new again. Your CPU is only as good as the heat sink
allows it to be. If it is dirty or clogged, the CPU heats up and
shifts down in speed. All the silly speeder-upper software
in the world won't accomplish what a minute or two with a 
wet Q-Tip can do.

If the CPU fan blades are dirty, clean them the same way.
It runs a lot quieter when the blades are clean and shiny.

Then snap the heat sink / fan assembly back on, snap the
shroud over it, check all the pretty colored cables to make
sure they are still firmly plugged in, and close the lid.
That is all there is to it.

If you do have some cans of compressed air sitting around,
empty them out the window and heave them into the garbage,
so that they will never tempt a juvenile to experiment how
close to dying they can get with huffing.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Mother had decided to trim her household budget
wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry-
cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings,
she boasted to my father,
"Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars
richer because I washed this dress by hand."

"Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more
times and we can pay the phone bill!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Share Your "Buy One Get One Free" Purchases
If you take advantage of the buy one get one free option 
(when it truly is a bargain) offered in some stores, why not 
think about sharing the second one with an elderly neighbor 
trying to live on a fixed income, or the family down the 
street who's trying to make it on unemployment through 
job loss?

Sharing works both ways, and you never know when you 
may need a helping hand yourself.
By Marie from West Dundee, IL

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She
answered all his questions except one. She refused
to tell him her age.
"But everyone tells their age to the census taker,"
he said.

"Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their
ages?" she asked.

"Certainly," he replied
"Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped.

"As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked,
"What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework
again."
"Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my
homework paper into a paper airplane."
"Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the
teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper
and hand it in."
"Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even
sadder. "You see, Johnny hijacked the plane, and
handed it in as HIS homework!"





 »  Cloud Castles

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---

OE mail disappeared 

Sunday, July 25, 2010, 09:16 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, July 25, 2010

Progress is made by lazy men looking for
an easier way to do things.
--- Socratex


An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three
pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room,
drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he
finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders
three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a
pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you
bought one at a time."

The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two
brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia,
and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we
promised that we'd drink this way to remember the
days when we drank together."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and
leaves it there.

The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and
always drinks the same way: He orders three pints
and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and
orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall
silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second
round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on
your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on
your great loss."

The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a
light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me, I have
quit drinking."


On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said,
"If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two
fingers."
A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How
will that help?"


  The Magic of Making Up

  Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
 
  even if you don't need to make up with anybody

  right now. Might come in handy in the future!

  Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce.
        Click Here!      

Last day for this offer. This is a book that should be in every
home, just in case. I sincerely hope, you don't pass on this.




 Large version of the picture
That looks like the spot in the Little Colorado Canyon, where
I lost my yellow cap.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Danny Noel Riggs, 42, 

Tip Toe Tanning owner arrested for burglary of customers' vehicles
FORT WALTON BEACH — The owner of Tip Toe Tanning was 
arrested Thursday after video footage revealed him burglarizing 
customers’ vehicles, according to lawmen.

Danny Noel Riggs, 42, is charged with five counts of burglary, 
according to a news release from n Okaloosa County Sheriff’s 
Office.

Deputies received complaints from Riggs’ customers who suspected 
him of stealing money and other items from vehicles parked at his 
business on Beal Parkway.

On Thursday, an undercover unit used video surveillance to record 
Riggs burglarizing two vehicles. One of them belonged to an 
undercover officer, the release said.

The officer went to Tip Toe Tanning and paid to use a stand-up 
tanning booth. The officer then placed her bag and money in 
the car, the release said.

Riggs entered the car and stole $60 cash and $10 in change, 
the release said.

After burglarizing the vehicle, Riggs went back into the tanning 
salon, where another deputy arrested him. He had the $70 and 
keys to the woman’s car in his hands at the time, according to 
the Sheriff’s Office.
-------------------
What puzzles me is why anybody in that part of Florida would
need a tanning booth, unless they are fresh out of jail. Streaking
across the parking lot or three minutes on a lawn at lunch 
time, should get anybody there a tan, if not a sunburn!


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Verna
Re: OE mail has disappeared

Dear Webby
All of a sudden all my filed and unanswered OE emails have 
disappeared. Poof. Gone. They are not in the Recycle bin
or anywhere that I can find them. Some of them are memos
I sent to myself with vital info, that I still have to work on
or print. I NEED to get that mail back! 
Verna

Dear Verna
With OE, that is normal and to be expected, and why I don't
recommend it. OE and Outlook have done that for the last 
15 years and I get letters like yours all the time.

Some people say, that you can postpone the inevitable by
keeping the IN, OUT and TRASH boxes as close to empty
as possible.

It IS possible that Microsoft has figured out how to retrieve 
all that mail. Try contacting their support.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A famous art collector is walking through the city
when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a
saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a
double take. He recognizes that the saucer is
extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually
into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars.
The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for
sale."

The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat
around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you fifty
dollars for that cat."

And the owner says, "Sold," and hands over the cat.
The collector continues, "Hey, for the fifty bucks I
wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The
cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a
dish."

And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky
saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight stray
cats."

The cat came back half an hour later.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Very Young Kids Can Write Books
I was totally surprised when my granddaughter, who is 6, 
showed me a stack of six books she'd written. She came up 
with the idea herself to write and illustrate her own series of 
books. She uses only computer paper, colored pens and a 
paperclip to hold each book together.

She came up with this on her own, but when she brought them 
to kindergarten the teacher liked them so much, she had the 
whole class make their own. Each book is about a cat or dog 
she or a friend owns. But your child's books could be about 
anything! She also numbers each book (Book #1 "Smokey the 
Dirty Cat") and numbers the pages, then on the back she lists 
each book in the her series. If she can't write up everything by 
herself, she tells her mother what to write.

Me, being an artist, I get the biggest kick out of her illustrations! 
I'm sure she got the idea because her mother takes her to the 
library and reads to her so often. (They are poor but rich!) 
This could be a fun thing for you to do with your kids this summer, 
make your very own books!
By Cyinda from near Seattle

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the
zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials
put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning,
just roaming around the zoo.

A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out.
When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the
next enclosure asked the kangaroo,

"How high do you think they'll go?"

The kangaroo said, "Probably about a hundred feet,
unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


What do you get when you cross an insomniac,
an agnostic and a dyslexic?
Someone who stays up all night wondering
if there really is a dog!





 »  Pine Ridge, SD

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---

Make pictures show in Gmail 

Saturday, July 24, 2010, 09:24 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 24, 2010

A lot of people asked what that red icon, 
that I put on top on Fridays, is about.

Well, first let me make it VERY clear, that it is 
NOT political. It has nothing to do with Bush 
deciding to fight the terrorists on THEIR home 
turf instead of on yours, 
and it has nothing to do with Obama being 
against that and ordering the troops to use 
"courageous restraint" and to turn the other cheek.

That icon is to remind us to show gratitude to the troops, 
who risk their lives to do whatever they are told, to protect
us and our freedom. Not a gesture to politicians, just a simple
and quick gesture to show gratitude to the troops.

You can read more about it at http://snipurl.com/gratittude


"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but
in looking outward together in the same direction."
--- Antoine de Saint Exupery


Thanks to Dianne for sending this story:
My wife has not spoken to me in three days.
I think it has something to do with what happened 
on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise 
downstairs.
She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!"

"What's the matter"? I asked.

"There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating 
the tuna casserole I made tonight."
"That'll teach them!" I replied.


Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: Sure, buddy.
Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's
try it again. Do you have change for a dollar?
Soldier: NO, SIR!!!


  The Magic of Making Up

  Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
 
  even if you don't need to make up with anybody

  right now. Might come in handy in the future!

  Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce.
        Click Here!      


Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:

 Large version of the picture

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to George Horn, 48, in Ft Lauderdale, Florida

Burglar used cross to pry open church poor boxes
JULY 20--A Florida man who used a crucifix to break into a 
donation box at a Catholic church in Fort Lauderdale was 
charged today with burglary in connection with the heist 
last month. George Horn, 48, allegedly broke a window to gain 
access to St. John's Catholic Church on June 26. 

While inside, he took a crucifix from the altar and used it 
as a pry bar to open the donation box under a stand filled 
with devotional candles. Horn--crucifix in hand--was caught 
on video by a church surveillance camera. Along with rifling 
the candle box, Horn also broke into two church poor boxes, 
according to a Fort Lauderdale Police Department report. 

He was charged after police completed a probe that included 
the recovery of DNA evidence from the crime scene, which 
included a large amount of blood left behind by the burglar. 

Horn is being held in the Broward County jail on the felony 
count.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Laura
Re: Showing pictures in Gmail

HI, I just started getting your newsletter again.  Not sure why I wasn't.  
Anyway, in the meantime I have switched over to gmail.  I have my 
sympatico email redirected to my gmail.  None of the graphics are 
working in Gmail.  Is there a setting I need to change to get them?
Thanks
Laura

Dear Laura
The browser "peeker" for Gmail can be configured to show pictures,
but it is just designed for quick and fast peeking from a slow 
connection, away from your own computer. That is why the 
default is set to not show anything, that would slow you down.

The best way to handle it is to 
a) make a filter that tells Gmail to never trash or spam mail 
from humor@webby.com, even if I talk about viruses or spam.

b) Set Gmail to POP

c) Set up your favorite email program (Eudora, ThunderBird, 
Outlook, Outlook Express, whatever) to check laura*****@gmail.com

On those occasions, when you DO want images to show, while 
you are just quickly peeking with the browser, just click on the 
SHOW IMAGES link at the top of the email where you want to 
see the pictures. It won't change the quick peeker into a full-featured 
email program, it will just change the setting for that one email.

Just keep in mind that the browser based peeker was designed 
to quickly check your email while standing at the contractor's 
counter at the Home Depot and using the courtesy computer there.
It is fast, nothing gets downloaded into that machine, and all your 
email stays on the server, so that you can pull it down with 
Eudora or Outlook or whatever, when you get home.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A business executive who had retired last year was
discussing the joys of his new leisure time. He
remarked that he had been compelled to give up
skiing, a sport he had enjoyed for many years.
"Afraid of injuries?" I asked.
"Well, now I am," he responded. "Before I could drag
a cast into work and still do my job, but now I'd be
messing up my golf game."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Store Cords in Toilet Paper Rolls
Organizing electrical extension cords when not in use. Save 
empty TP rolls. Fold your cords in lengths of 8 inches and 
insert each one in an empty TP roll. Write on the outside of 
the roll with a permanent marker the length of the extension 
cord inside of the roll. These will stack neatly in a small plastic 
basket and you know what size of cord you are getting each 
time.
By Marbilite from Indianapolis, Indiana

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A boss in California, to four of his employees: "I'm
really sorry, but I'm going to have to let at least one
of you go and I need you to supply me with a usable 
solution immediately."

Female Employee: "I'm a woman."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you
with an age discrimination suit so  fast it'll make your
head spin."
...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young,
white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then
responds: "I think I might be gay..."

So, without discriminating against any politically
protected group, he fired all four of them for "failure to
perform assigned duties, 
like supplying him with a usable solution".


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A husband and wife were driving down a country lane
on their way to visit some friends. They came to a
big, muddy hole in the road and the car became
bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car
out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming
down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The
farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble
and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50.

The husband accepted and minutes later the car was
free. The farmer turned to the husband and said,
"You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the
mud today."
The husband looks around at the fields incredulously
and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to
plough your land? You must do it at night."
"No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is
when I put the water in the hole."





 »  Pine Ridge, SD

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---

Making desktop shortcuts 

Friday, July 23, 2010, 07:43 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

God gave us memory
that we might have roses in December.
--- James Matthew Barrie

You can complain because roses have thorns,
or you can rejoice because thorns have roses.
--- Tom Wilson

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe,
and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint
on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure.
--- Murphy


In a Phoenix airport boarding area they announced
that the flight was overbooked. The airline was looking
for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange,
they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next
flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an
hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to
take advantage of the offer.

About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat
down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter
announced:
"If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew
who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."


At the supermarket parking lot I saw a lady who
seemed rather upset. When I asked her what was
wrong she said,
"I don't think I like that produce guy. I went
and looked around for organic vegetables for my
mother-in-law, but I couldn't find any. So I asked him
where the organic vegetables were.

"He didn't know what I was talking about so I said,
'These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have
they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?'

"And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that
yourself !'"


  The Magic of Making Up

  Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
 
  even if you don't need to make up with anybody

  right now. Might come in handy in the future!

  Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce.
        Click Here!      


Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:

 Large version of the picture
Rosvik Norbotten, Sweden

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to a 17 year old boy in Leon, NY

Amish DUI chase 
LEON-A 17 year old Amish teen from the Town of Leon is in 
trouble after he led police on a chase through his town.

The teen was observed running a stop sign in his horse and 
buggy. Sheriff's deputies tried to stop him, but he refused 
to stop and a chase ensued for almost a mile. After making 
an unsafe turn, the teen crashed the horse and buggy and 
took off on foot.

He was later found, arrested and charged with underage 
possession of alcohol, overdriving an animal, reckless 
endangerment, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure 
to yield to a emergency vehicle.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Bob
Re: Making a desktop shortcut

Good Morning Webby,
Have a problem placing a short cut icon on my desk top.  
I right click on a open spot on the site I want to make a 
desk top short cut, but when a drop down menu appears  
there is no wording that will allow me to make a short cut.  
Is there another way in which I can 
make a short cut icon on my desk top?
Thank you,
Bob

Dear Bob
Right-click on the desk top
NEW
Shortcut 
Browse to the program or file that you want the shortcut to
NEXT
Type in a nickname for it
FINISH

You probably missed the NEW step.

There IS another way for URLs. Grab the littel icon on the 
left side of the URL in the address bar, and drag that to an 
empty spot on the desktop. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my
birthday," little Jimmie said to his uncle the first
time he saw him since then. 
"It's the best birthday present I ever got."

"That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to
play it?"

"Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom
gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day
and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it
at night."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recycle Plastic Bottles to Water Plants
When it comes to summer time and plants drying out, what 
I find works is taking water bottles (like Perrier water bottles 
found in the recycle box at work), filling them up with water, 
and then sticking them in soil about 2-3 inches in the soil. 
This lasts for about 4 days in containers.

For outdoor garden, I place it close to the plant and it last 
about 3 days. As the soil drys it allows for air to be released 
and allowing the water to fill up the spot where the air has 
been created. No need to worry about overwatering with 
this method, as gravity works its magic. No need to spend 
money on glass balls for watering. If you want to decorate 
them, modpoge them with tissue paper.
Source: My Mom 

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said,
"Men, before anything more is said, I would like to
clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR
ship."

From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Hey, amigo,
wanna buy my nice, beeg ship?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the
field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field,
with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower
received a call from an aircraft asking,
"What time is it?"
The tower responded, "Who is calling?"
The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?"
The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an
Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock.
If it is an Air Force, it is 15-oh-oh.
If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells.
If it is an Army aircraft, it's 2 hours till Happy Hour.
If it is a Coast Guard plane, it's Mid Afternoon
If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Friday Afternoon."





 »  Boredom Cured

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---

More Charter.Net email problems! 

Thursday, July 22, 2010, 07:32 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 22, 2010

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing
gained control of the country, it would probably fly
around in circles.
--- Pat Paulsen

You can't depend on your eyes
when your imagination is out of focus.
--- Mark Twain


Judi visited her local car dealer and spied a beautiful
Jaguar XK140 convertible. It was wonderfully restored
and she fell in love with its gorgeous red paint work.
An empty check stub later and off she was tearing
down the country lanes enjoying her beautiful new
car. The engine, though rather loud, was roaring
smoothly, music was blaring from the radio, what
could possibly go wrong?
At that thought there was a splutter from the engine
and the car slowly coasted to a stop. She got out and
lifted the hood and concluded after a few minutes that
she didn't have a clue what was wrong. Luckily she
had her mobile phone with her and a quick phone call
to the AutoClub and a short wait saw a bright shiny
yellow van pull up behind her.
"That's a lovely car," said the mechanic. "What
seems to be the matter?
Judi replied, "Well, it just conked out I'm afraid."
"Let me have look." He set to work and ten minutes
later the engine was purring like a kitten again.
"Thank goodness," she said. "What was the matter?"
"Simple really, just crap in the carburetor," he replied.

Looking shocked she asked, "Oh. How many times a
week do I have to do that?"


An elderly couple was sitting together watching
television. During a commercial, the husband asked
his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual
relations?"

After a long thoughtful silence and during the next
commercial, the wife replied, "You know, I don't know.
I don't even think we got Christmas cards from them
this year."


  The Magic of Making Up
  Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it, 
  even if you don't need to make up with anybody right now.
        Click Here!      



Thanks to Lillemor for sending me a link to the story on a 
Swedish newspaper.

 Large version of the picture
A playful baby whale near Hermanus, a bit south-east 
of CapeTown in South Africa. 


 Large version of the picture
The boat made it back to land with it's emergency engine.
The passengers, Ralph Mothes, 59, and Paloma Werner, 50,
were not injured.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Heath Cannon, 43, in Land O'Lakes, Florida

Man stole tractor to buy beer 
LAND O'LAKES, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said a man 
pulled over on a stolen tractor told deputies he took the vehicle 
to make a beer run. 

The Pasco County Sheriff's Office said Heath Cannon, 43, was 
pulled over on Wisteria Loop in Land O'Lakes at about 11 p.m. 
Friday while driving a $15,000 tractor reported stolen from a 
roadside construction site, the St. Petersburg (Fla.) Times 
reported Wednesday. 

Deputies said Cannon, who has previous convictions for theft, 
loitering and prowling, smelled strongly of alcohol. 

"I'm sorry, I drove the tractor to the RaceTrac to buy a beer," 
a sheriff's office report quotes Cannon as telling deputies. 

Cannon was arrested in connection with the theft of the tractor 
and charged with possession of burglary tools. He was taken to 
the Land O'Lakes jail in lieu of $10,000 bail.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carol
Re: Charter.net mail problems

Dear Webby,
Let me first say that I have enjoyed getting your newsletter 
for the past few years and this old grandma has gotten a lot 
of laughs and learned many things from you and your great 
newsletter.  

I have been trying on my end for the past few weeks to try to 
solve the issue of not getting your newsletter daily.  I have put 
your newsletter on my white list in Charter, but that didn't work.   
Tonight I spent over 45 minutes and two Charter "techs", 
trying to solve the problem.  The last one said that it has been 
solved, so would you please send me one or two more issues 
and I will watch for them.  It is hard to explain to someone when 
you can barely understand their broken English.  At least I 
could understand the second "tech" better.  I hope that the issue 
has been solved.
Thank you for your patience,
Carol

Dear Carol
I added you onto the list again,
but I can't guarantee, that the Taliban will allow you to have 
your subscription for more than a day.

The Taliban were just playing stupid and wasting your time, 
since they were very well aware of the situation. 

Remember Deeli, who used to write the Kudos column?
She screeched a temper tantrum at those two idiots last 
week. There is NO way they forgot her.

A bunch of other subscribers also wrote about yelling at 
those two idiots. They have been shown No-Sub by lots of people, 
and have been told numerous times that they have NO legitimate 
excuse for bouncing your subscription. 

However, apparently they get paid by the minute, that they 
can waste people's time, so they play stupid.

Since you obviously can not rely on your email at Charter.net, 
your best bet is to get a gmail address on the side, before 
they censor your utility bills.

I sent Gmail invitations to another 50 Charter.net victims
today, after they got bounced off. Just set your Gmail to POP,
and process it with whatever email program you use anyway.
All email programs allow you to check more than one address
simultaneously. That has been standard for twenty years or 
more.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


 came home from school one day and
said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any
brothers or sisters."

"And what did she say when you told her you were an
only child?" his mom asked.

 said, "Well, she just let out a deep
breath and said, 'Thank goodness'."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Save Extra Paper Petals for Confetti
When you're making flowers using paper sculpting or paper 
quilling and find that you have extra petals, hold onto them and 
use them as confetti at your next party. They're much easier 
to sweep up.
By Angela L. from Sault Ste Marie, ON

http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Young Aaron Finkelstein came home in great
excitement,  saying, "Father! Father! On returning
from school , I ran home behind the bus all the way
and saved the fifty-cent bus fare."
The father replied by slapping the son on the cheek
as he shouted, "Spendthrift! Why didn't you run
behind a cab and save $15.00?"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


The budding young Yuppette had been dating a
successful stockbroker for several months. Just
before his birthday she asked her Mother,
"Whatever can you give a man  who has everything
for his birthday?"

Her Mother smiled knowingly and replied,
"Encouragement dear, encouragement."





 »  Aussi Critters

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---

Mail with your address forged as sender address 

Wednesday, July 21, 2010, 08:51 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 21, 2010

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone
discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it
is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by
something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There
is another theory which states that this has already
happened.
--- Douglas Adams


Let's start with a Classic:
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's,
one of the largest department store chains. He shyly
walked up to the woman behind the counter and said,
"I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquires the man. "There is more than one
type?"
"Look Around," said the saleslady, as she showed a
sea of bras in every shape, size, color and material.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really
only three types of bras," replied the salesclerk.


Confused, the man asked what were the types. The
saleslady replied, "The Catholic type, the Salvation
Army type, and the Baptist type. Which one do you
need?"
Still confused the man asked "What is the difference
between them?"
The lady responded, "It is all really simple."
The Catholic type supports the masses,
The Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen, and the
Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."


One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot
of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her
son, Little Johnny, came running through the house,
BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other.
He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the
pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think
of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he
said nothing.
The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were
one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church
secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said,
"Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what
did you put in them this time?"
Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?"
"Well," said Mary, "this morning I farted when I bent over 
to feed the cat, and shot the canary."




 Large

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Lori Turner in Spartanburg, SC

Woman Shoved Sandwich In Her Pants
Spartanburg deputies handled an unusual complaint on Sunday 
when McDonald’s employees said a woman caused a commotion 
after she bought a sandwich and shoved it down her pants saying 
her order had been shorted.

The woman, later identified as Lori Turner, bought two sandwiches 
and two small coffees, employees said. They said the woman then 
took one of the sandwiches and put it down the front her jeans, 
and said that the employees owed her a free one.

Lori Turner

Employees said when Turner became belligerent, they called 911. 
The responding deputy said he could hear Turner screaming 
obscenities at the cashier when he went into the McDonald’s.

The deputy asked Turner to step outside, and said he could see a 
large grease stain on the front of her pants. He said that Turner 
denied having the sandwich until a female officer arrived to search 
her. The deputy said at that point, Turner pulled the sandwich out 
of her pants and put it on the hood of the police car.

The deputy said Turner continued to shout profanities and smelled 
of alcohol. She was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct.

The McDonald’s refunded Turner’s money and had her put on a 
trespassing order. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Aletta
RE: Mail not from me

Dear Webby
Previous email NOT from me. Do not open links.
I'm sorry.  It appears that my account was hacked.
Aletta

Dear Aletta
I doubt anybody got a fake email from you.

Most likely you just received spam with your address forged 
in as the sender. It is quite common for spammers to fake 
your address into the FROM slot, by putting 
!--@recipient-- into it, 
and if you don't have MailWasher, it will look to you, as if you 
had sent it while you were sleepwalking, or as if your machine
had been hacked and used for spamming.

All your contacts probably got the same spam with THEIR
address forged in as sender.

If you are concerned about that, get MailWasher. If not,
don't worry about it. 

With MailWasher it is easy enough to make a filter, that dumps
mail like that unseen, right on the server. Because I have 
used the same, unchanged addresses for so many years, I naturally
get a lot of spam. Currently about 12% of it is of that type,
but I never see it. I only know because of the pretty pie chart
in the MailWasher stats.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Welcome to heaven, here's your harp and your tuning key."
"Welcome to hell, here's your harp."

---------------------
Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a
bagpipe?
A: Lawnmowers can be tuned.


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use White Wine to Clean Red Wine From Clothing
About 35 yrs ago when I was in my 20's and going out dancing 
a lot, I was a red wine drinker. I sometimes ended up spilling 
more wine than I drank. A friend of mine told me how to get 
red wine out of my white sweater coat. And it worked!

I put the sweater in the sink (with the plug in), and poured 
some of a gallon of cheap white wine on it. You can see the 
red wine disappearing instantly. It's like magic! Just keep a 
jug of that cheap white wine on hand. I still use this method 
after all these years later.

By Candace from Scottsdale, AZ
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


After putting her children to bed, a mother changed
into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green
mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge
in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and
stick curlers into it.

As she heard the children getting more and more
rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she
threw a towel over her head   and stormed into their
room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings.
As she left the room, she heard , her three-year-old
say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?"

-------------------
If you put "Ms Hortensia Penelope Widdlecrock-McIntire" into the
FIRST NAME or NICKNAME slot, when you signed up, 
then that joke sounds rather silly. If you are ready to update
your first or nickname, hit reply and tell me!


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his
parents went to town shopping. He decided to go
fishing and he had to take her along.

"I'll never do that again!" he told his mother
that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!"

"Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare
the fish away," his mother said.

The boy said, "It wasn't that. She thought the bait was
Sushi and ate it all."





 »  Fire Breathing Dragon

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---

Music on Firefox 

Tuesday, July 20, 2010, 08:59 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 20, 2010

"A man may be a fool and not know it...
but not if he is married."
--- H.L. Mencken

 "THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, 
 THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD 
 BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE 
 TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO 
 FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME 
 BANKRUPT.  PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD 
 OF LIVING OFF PUBLIC ASSISTANCE.”
 --- Cicero, 55 BC (before the fall off the Roman Empire)

Mr. Smith was brought to Mercy Hospital (a Catholic
hospital), and taken quickly in for coronary surgery.
The operation went well and, as the groggy man
regained consciousness, he was reassured by a
Sister of Mercy, who was waiting by his bed.

"Mr. Smith, you're going to be just fine," said the nun,
gently patting his hand. "We do need to know,
however, how you intend to pay for your stay here.
Are you covered by insurance?"

"No, I'm not," the man whispered hoarsely.

"Then can you pay in cash?" persisted the nun.

"I'm afraid I cannot, Sister."

"Well, do you have any close relatives?" the nun
questioned sternly.

"Just my sister in New Mexico," he volunteered.
"But she's a humble spinster nun."

"Oh, I must correct you, Mr. Smith. Nuns are not
spinsters - they are married to God."

"Wonderful," said Mr. Smith. "In that case, please
send the bill to my brother-in-law."


A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' station
saying:
"Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's
life are the most dangerous."

Underneath, a nurse had written:
"The last five are pretty risky, too."




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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Dmytro Petrychenko, 19, and Taras Sikalchuk, 20,
in Waukegan, Illinois

Porky Pig attacked at Six Flags

GURNEE, Ill. (UPI) -- Police in suburban Chicago say two Six Flags 
Great America employees visiting the park on their day off 
allegedly assaulted a worker dressed as Porky Pig. 

Gurnee police said Dmytro Petrychenko, 19, and Taras Sikalchuk, 20, 
allegedly hit the 24-year-old woman dressed as the "Looney Tunes" 
character and quite defenseless in her costume, in the back 
and front of her head 10 to 15 times after posing for a picture 
with her, WMAQ-TV, Chicago, reported. 

Police said both men, who are from Waukegan, were removed 
from the park and issued battery citations, the Arlington Heights 
(Ill.) Daily Herald reported. 

The woman was taken to a first aid station, where she was treated 
for head and neck pains and released. 


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Sharon
RE: Can FieFox play wav files?

Dear Webby
Hello Webby......Thanks for the e-mails but now i need help Husband
down loaded Mozilla Firefox because you said it was good.Well i cannot
get my music to play from Marlene....Mama Rock....Missy Alighthouse.
which i have been able to in the pass.We have real player
installed....Quick Time Player also.My cd's play just fine just not
from the internet.
Can and well you help me fix this. 
Thanks 
*´¨)
¸.·´¸.·*´¨)¸.·*¨)
(¸.·´ (¸.·' ¤ Sharon 

Dear Sharon
FireFox plays wav and any other music files just fine, if the 
HTML is reasonably OK.
However, if the page uses the obsolete "bgsound" command,
that went out of fashion in the mid 90's, long before FireFox
came out, then you are out of luck. The same goes for Opera
and Chrome and most browsers. 

The "bgsound" command works only in Internet Explorer and
has never been accepted by any of the other browsers, 
because it is way too limited in scope.

If a page was written in those early days of the Internet, 
by somebody who was a fanatic about allowing only IE and
no other browser, then you need to use IE, any version of it, 
to listen to it. 
You can run IE side by side with any other browser.

If the author of those old pages is still alive, you can suggest
to her or him to add code like this:

<.embed src="123.wav" autostart="false" loop="false"><./embed>

(Without the dots after the brackets. Those are just to make the
code visible instead of trying to play that music.)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his
Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright
boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about
sex and girls."
The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a
solution, please advise. I have the same problem
with his Father."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Your Oven Rack for Perfect Bread Slices
When slicing bread, I open my oven door, pull out the rack 
and place the unsliced bread on the rack. I put a tea towel 
on the open door, under the bread, to catch the crumbs that 
fall through the rack. Then I slice the bread, using the rack 
as a spacing guide, cutting between each rack slot. Perfect 
slices every time!

Source: Me, who can't cut bread straight!
By Catastrofy from Winnipeg, Canada
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A man was invited for dinner at a friends house.
Every time the host needed something, he precede
his request to his wife by calling her "My Love",
"Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc.

His friend looked at him and said, "that's really
nice after all of these years you've been married
to keep saying those little pet names."

The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten
her name."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A young woman came home and told her mom that
her steady boy friend had proposed, but she had
turned him down because she found out he was an
atheist, and didn't believe in Heaven or Hell.
"Marry him anyway, honey. Between the two of us,
we'll show him just how very wrong he is."





 »  Sit Back

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---

Humor: Adjust page size on wide screen monitor 

Monday, July 19, 2010, 08:59 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 19, 2010

"Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they
want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell
the government what they want and their kids pay for it."
--- Richard Lamm


Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with
vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon
meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner
waited nervously for the clerics' reaction.
"Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did
they say?"

"Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy
slipping the seeds into their pockets."


You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit
embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda
was like that. So when she and her new husband
husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there
was any way that they could make it appear that they
had been married a long time.

He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own  suitcase."




 Large
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 Large
 X-Large
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Ridgh Genesis Achille, 19, Alice Springs, Florida

Handcuffed man opened car door, escaped
ALTAMONTE SPRINGS, Fla. (AP) - Police in central Florida say 
a man who was handcuffed somehow managed to open a police 
cruiser's door and escape after complaining he was claustrophobic 
and couldn't breathe.

Altamonte Springs police say the officer had opened the windows 
slightly for 19-year-old Ridgh Genesis Achille, who had been 
arrested Friday night on a shoplifting charge. On the way to the jail, 
the man somehow opened the door from the outside and took off 
running.

The Orlando Sentinel reports that officers, police dogs and even 
a helicopter were still trying to find Achille on Saturday morning.

Instead of probation or a fine, he can now expect serious jail time.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Brenda
RE: Can you stretch a short monitor view?

Dear Webby
I have to fill in data on forms, but only at the top and bottom.
With these new wide screen monitors, or "sawed off" screens,
as you call them, the company forms don't fit on a page any 
more. I have to take the hand off the keyboard, and waste time
mousing down to the bottom. 

When I zoom the fonts so that the whole form fits on the screen,
the fonts are too small to read. Is there a way to stretch or 
squish a page to make it as usable as it is on a regular monitor?
Thanks
Brenda

Dear Brenda
No, the only way that can be done is by redesigning the form.

If your old monitor has not been trashed or sold , you can 
plug that one in, even to a laptop. For real work the sawed 
off screens are a nuisance, and it will be years until all the
forms have been re-designed to make them shorter. 
4:3 ratio LCD screens are becoming more available, especially
if you enter through the business entrance. They are still
a bit pricey, though. 

In the meantime, you can skip to the end of the page with
CTRL END. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A couple with three children waited in line at San
Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip
to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched
with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation
as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched
one another.

The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail.

Finally, they reached the ticket window.
"Five tickets, please," the father said.
"Two round trip, three one way."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Use Stickers to Change Greeting Cards
You can use any greeting card for any occasion with stickers 
from the dollar store. For instance, I needed a graduation 
card this weekend and all I had was a cute doggie 
"Get Well Soon" card, so I took one of the "You're terrific" 
stickers and covered the "Get Well Soon" part on the front 
of the card. On the inside I used butterfly stickers and 
"Good Job" to cover the writing on the inside. And my 
granddaughter loved it!
By Debseeley from Vero Beach, FL
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Three men at the local Funny-Farm are in the office
for a memory test.  The doctor asks the first man,
"What is three times three ?"

"274," is his reply.

The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling,
and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is
three times three ?"

"Tuesday," replies the second man.
The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third
man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three ?"

"Nine," says the third man.
"That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get
that?"

"Simple," he says, "Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer.
Amazed, the bartender says:
"Hey, you can talk!"
"Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now
can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble-
quack-mumble ?"

Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint
and asks him what he's doing in the area.
"I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says
the duck.

"You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You
could make a mint."

"The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies.
"What the mumble-quack-mumble would the
mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport
flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble
with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?"





 »  Flukes Up

[ view entry ] ( 213 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 289 )

---

Helping Out 

Sunday, July 18, 2010, 09:17 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, July 18, 2010

A man's respect for law and order exists in precise relationship 
to the size of his paycheck.
--- Adam Clayton Powell Jr., 

If you can find something everyone agrees on, it's wrong.
--- Mo Udall

A mission statement is defined as "a long awkward sentence
that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly."
All good companies have one.
--- From The Dilbert Principle


Little Johnny and his family were having Christmas
dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was
seated around the table as the food was being
served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he
started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say
our prayer."

"I don't have to," the boy replied.

"Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a
prayer before eating at OUR house."

"That's at OUR house," Johnny explained. "But this is
Uncle Rodney's house and HE doesn't have Internet.
HIS cooking never burns!"


Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other
day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts"
sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although
the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before
landing, he asked the stewardess about it.
"Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University
of California girls going to Los Angeles for the
weekend.

In back, there are 25 Coast Guard soldiers . . .
What would you do?"



Thanks to Noella for sending this picture from the yard of
her borther in Anchorage, Alaska


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Daryl Simon, 38, in Queens, NY

He couldn't resist one last scam.
A career fraudster was sent to the slammer for nearly 24 
years after giving a White Plains federal judge phony photos 
of himself doing charity work at hospitals and schools in a 
bumbling bid for leniency.

Daryl Simon's bald-faced move included sticking a picture 
of himself into a shot with a physical-therapy patient, then 
flipping the image and placing it next to a teen student.

"Evidence that his image was inserted and flipped can be 
seen by examining the single detail on his shirt above his 
fingers -- that detail appears on the left side of the shirt in 
the top photograph, and on the right side of the shirt in the 
bottom photograph," prosecutors wrote.

 Another particularly heartless snapshot shows the 38-year-old 
 scammer purportedly comforting a sickly patient struggling 
 during a rehabilitation exercise.

Simon even had the gall to submit fake letters of support from 
various charitable organizations and individuals, according to 
the US Attorney's Office.

Judge Stephen Robinson saw through the ruse, blasting Simon 
Thursday for trying to "commit a fraud on the court."
Robinson then slapped him with a 285-month prison term -- 
50 months more than the maximum under sentencing guidelines 
-- for credit-card fraud and bail jumping.

His brazen crimes included buying a sports car with a fake 
cashier's check for $29,500, along with numerous credit-card 
scams and possession of a stolen Mercedes-Benz.

His most recent case stems from a 2006 arrest, in which he 
and a cohort bought electronic gear at a Target store in West 
Nyack, using phony credit cards in the name of "D. Simon."
He pleaded guilty to credit-card fraud the next year, but 
jumped bail before sentencing.

While he was on the lam, he worked as a magician and went by 
the name Justin Lusion. Two years ago, he was found in Queens.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Carolyn
RE: Helping out

Webby, thanks for the (large) picture today and thanks also 
to Lillemor. 

Do you have a coffee jar etc. for donations. I would like to 
send $10. I know it isn't much but would get a little something. 
I do appreciate you very much! 
Thanks, Webby - I keep voting and hope others are.
 
Carolyn from IN

Dear Carolyn
Thank you very much!
And you are most welcome!

If you can help out, I sure would appreciate it!
The "coffee jar" funnels straight to the server bills and is 
in dire straits these days.

There is a PayPal Donate button at 
http://webby.com/humor/thanks.html

Thanks!
DearWebby


A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a
sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments.
After explaining the commandment to "honor they
father and thy mother," he asked,
"Is there a commandment that teaches us how to
treat our brothers and sisters?"

Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy
answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Treasure Your Freedom - Join A Historical Group
I quit my job a little over a year and a half ago. Since then 
I have begun doing things I was unable to do while working. 
I have joined both the Daughters of the American Revolution 
and the United Daughters of the Confederacy. There is also 
an organization called the Daughters of Union Veterans of 
the Civil War. 

more by By Southeastgeorgiapeach  from Jesup, GA at 
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a
storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom,
"Where did we get him?"
His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny."
Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Two church members were going door to door. They
knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not
happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain
terms she did not want to hear their message and
then slammed the door in their faces.

To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it
bounced back open.
She tried again, really put her back into the job, and
slammed the door again.

Same results. The door bounced back like it was
made of Silly Putty.

Convinced one of these rude church members was
sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the
door a slam that would teach them a lesson.

Just then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am,
before you do that again, you might want to move
your cat."





 »  Ajanta Cavest

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---

Hibernate on XP 

Saturday, July 17, 2010, 08:55 AM

   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 17, 2010

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look
at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when
they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if
it stopped."
---Marcel Achard

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once.
--- Tallulah Bankhead


After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for
bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming
from his room.

Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically.
He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a
penny and he was sure he was going to die. No
amount of talking helped.

His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a
dime from his pocket and pretended to pull it from
Sammy's ear.

Sammy was delighted.

In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand,
swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded,
"Do it again, Daddy!"


The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and
asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?"

"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as
she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to
continue.

"Do you have laryngitis?" the man asked
sympathetically.

"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and
strawberry."


Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:

Large

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Sherry Jean Fuscaldo, 26, in Walton Beach, Florida

Woman flashes breasts, bites herself after DUI arrest
FORT WALTON BEACH – A woman kicked a patrol car, flashed 
her breasts, tried to bite a deputy and bit herself, all while being 
booked for DUI.

Sherry Jean Fuscaldo, 26, of the 900 block of Denton Boulevard, 
was placed in a patrol car after she was arrested for DUI around 
12:30 a.m. July 3 on Lovejoy Road, according to her arrest report. 
The deputy making the arrest heard several loud noises, which he 
thought were "military aircraft firing weapons."

He then saw Fuscaldo kicking a patrol car window, the report reads. 
She resisted being put in leg irons, bouncing up and down. A deputy 
had to pick her up and sit her down on her buttocks.

After Fuscaldo was taken to the Shalimar Annex, she undid her 
bra and pulled down her shirt, exposing her breasts, the report 
reads. The arresting deputy didn’t see it happen, but the nudity 
was caught on tape.

He took her to the “Intox-room,” where Fuscaldo grabbed her 
license from the deputy’s desk, according to the report. The 
deputy tried to take it from her, and she tried to bite him. She 
kicked another deputy, causing his fingers to bleed.

“The defendant also attempted to bite me again but bit herself 
in the process,” the report reads.

Fuscaldo complained of asthma and was taken to Fort Walton 
Beach Medical Center, where she was released after 30 minutes 
after workers found no medical problem. The report adds that 
the woman had “road rash” on her feet, forehead and left shoulder.

She was charged with resisting an officer with violence, as well 
as DUI. She is due in court Aug. 3.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: JoAnn
RE: Hibernate on XP

Dear Webby:
My old computer had the Hibernate option when I clicked start, 
turn off computer,standby. There it gave me the option to 
Standby or to hibernate. My new computer with Windows XP pro, 
SP3. The standby does not give me the hibernate option. 
Not using it all that often I just am not sure that this option 
ever was offered at all.  Do you know if it just isn't an option 
at all for me on this system? 
JoAnn

Dear JoAnn
You may have to enable Hibernate.

If you are using Windows XP Home Edition, or Windows XP 
Professional with Fast User Switching turned on, 
the Turn Off Computer menu will present the options to 
Stand By, Turn Off, or Restart your computer. 
To put your computer into Hibernate mode, 
a feature in Windows XP, that is hidden in the "Turn Off" 
box. To manually place your computer into hibernation 
(after enabling hibernation on your computer) 
follow this tip:

1.Click Start, and then click Turn off computer. 
2.Press and hold the Shift key. The label under the first 
button on the left changes from Stand By to Hibernate. 
3.Click the Hibernate button. 

To enable hibernation support on your computer:
You must be logged on as an administrator or a member 
of the Administrators or Power Users group. If your computer 
is connected to a network, network policy settings may prevent 
this procedure.

1.Click Start, click Control Panel, click Performance and 
Maintenance, and then click Power Options. 

2.Click the Hibernate tab, and then select the Enable hibernate 
support check box. If the Hibernate tab is not available, your 
hardware does not support this feature. 

3.Click OK to close the Power Options dialog box. 

Note: When you put your computer into hibernation, everything 
in computer memory is saved on your hard disk. When you turn 
the computer back on, all programs and documents, that were 
open when you turned the computer off, are restored on the 
desktop. 

Once you got Hibernation working the Microsoft way,
you can make a shortcut for it and do it your way.

Step 1: Right click on the blank space of your computer desktop and 
select New and then select Shortcut.

Step 2: The Create Shortcut wizard window will appear and you 
will see a text box with the heading on it like Type the location 
of the item. Now type the following line command in the text box

rundll32.exe PowrProf.dll, SetSuspendState

And click on Next button.

Step 3:You will see Select a Title for the Program.
Give it a name like Hibernate
Then click on the Finish button. Giving it a cute icons should 
be no problem for you.

One thing to keep in mind is that you can't wake the computer
out of hibernation with the mouse or keyboard. No power is
wasted on them during hibernation. You have to tap the power
button on the computer. If the computer is deep under your desk
and the button is tiny and recessed, you may want to epoxy
a clear marble or something transparent on it, to make it easier 
to hit it with your foot, and still see the little light that is 
fashionable with today's power switches.

If you are worried about epoxying the switch permanently
OFF, you can easily make a clapper, like they are used for
silent alarm kick-switches.



Have FUN!
DearWebby


A husband visited a marriage counselor and said,
"When we were first married, I would come home
from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and
our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after
ten years it's all different. I come home, the dog
brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking."

"Why complain?" said the counselor, "You're still
getting the same service."


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recycling Mesh Vegetable Bags
Reuse mesh onion bags as pan scrubbers! Just stuff a few 
into one bag and then tie a knot at the end of the bag!
By Michele G from Buchanan, GA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


Years ago in a small country store I saw an elderly
woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it
put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of
the owner was minding the store while the father had
gone  to lunch.
He stated "Ma'am, your pail will only hold two
pounds."

She looked at him as if he were simple minded and
said " Where is your daddy? He has managed to put
three pounds of lard in this pail for the last five
years!!!!"


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop:
"Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink
flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those
bent-over grandmas in bloomers."

Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the
pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for
the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"





 »  Recycled Veggies into Famous Art


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

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---

Resume Windows as it was before 

Friday, July 16, 2010, 10:40 AM

   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 16, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

"A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition."
--- William Arthur Ward

Anger is a condition in which the tongue works
faster than the mind.
--- Socratex


A woman reported the disappearance of her husband
to the police. The officer in charge looked at the
photograph she handed him, questioned her, and
then asked if she wished to give her husband any
message if they found him.
"Yes," she replied. "Tell him . . . mother didn't come
after all."


A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was
to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at
10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his
wife alive again.

He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man
stepped out from behind some bushes and growled,
"What took ya so long? You're over two hours late."

"Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a
27 handicap."


2008


2010


Yes, the CHANGE is visible!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and goes to Sara Blasse, 23, in Vineland, NJ

Carjacking report was a cover up for car crash during sex
Police say a New Jersey woman admits falsely reporting a 
carjacking to cover up an auto accident that occurred while she 
was performing a sex act on the driver, The Daily Journal reports.

A police report in Vineland, N.J., says Sara Blasse, 23, who 
broke her arm in the accident, was arrested charged with 
filing false reports to law enforcement.

Police found the car, belonging to Blasse's father, smoldering 
after crashing into a tree.

In the hospital, Blasse told officers a stranger she had asked 
for directions pulled a gun, threw her out of her car and took off.

Pressed over inconsistencies in her story, Blasse, according 
to police, admitted that she had picked up an unknown man 
for sex and was performing a sex act on him with the crash 
occurred.

Authorities now say this tale of carjacking and car sex was 
all a ruse to cover up the theft of a laptop computer from 
another vehicle. They have not proved sex while driving.
All they know for sure is that a stolen laptop was jammed in
the crashed vehicle and that they had set the vehicle on fire
some time after the crash.

The woman and her boyfriend have been charged.


From the Tech Support Pits:
From: Cookie
RE: Resume Windows as it was

Dear Webby:
While we are at it, I know you have explained before but of course 
I have forgotten, how to make the computer screen open the same 
way it was when you shut it down, ie. email full screen, or half, etc.
Thanks again for you help 
Cookie

Dear Cookie
To do that, tell the computer to Hibernate instead of shutting it down.
For Hibernating, it stores everything on the hard drive and you can 
"wake it up" to continue where you left off. 

While it is hibernating, it uses only a negligible amount of power 
and a laptop battery will last weeks.

I don't recommend Standby or sleep. In case of a power failure, 
anything that had not been saved, is lost. On Standby it only 
saves the desktop to RAM, not to the hard drive. 
Always use Hibernate instead.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom
scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he
was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she
quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon."

"Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the
numbers?"


Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com

Recycling Mesh Vegetable Bags
Reuse mesh onion bags as pan scrubbers! Just stuff a few 
into one bag and then tie a knot at the end of the bag!
By Michele G from Buchanan, GA
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Traditional Onion Bag "flowers" or puff balls are also handy 
for scrubbing dead bugs off windshields and headlights. 
Some people tie the "flowers" to their car antenna, to make
it easier to find the car in a large parking lot.

Onion bags are also handy for small garden tools. They let
them dry, so that they won't rust, and are very visible.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:


A robust-looking and very well dressed gentleman ate
a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it
off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned
the headwaiter.
"Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago,
I ate just such a repast here and then, because I
couldn't pay for it, you had me beat up and thrown 
into the gutter like a common bum?"

"I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter.

"Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid
I'll have to trouble you for the same chore again."


Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.


Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would
complain to me about the long delay she always
endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally
called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to
get your weight today," said the nurse.
Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied,
"One hour and 45 minutes!"





 »  Egypt, now and then


ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the
Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!

Please give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter

Well, , that's all for today.

Have FUN !
Dear Webby from Webby.com

[ view entry ] ( 307 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 69 )

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