How to get midi files to play 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 22, 2010

It's still smoky from the 250+ forest fires in BC, and the 
smoke wafting over the top of the Rockies. Visibility has
improved to almost ten miles, but the camp fire smell is 
still as strong as it has been for almost a week.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Wear the old coat and buy the new book. --- Austin Phelps Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper. --- Scottish Proverb Bachelors know more about women than married men; if they didn't, they'd be married too. --- H. L. Mencken Success is getting what you want. Happiness is liking what you get. --- Socratex
Our business professor was lecturing about different ways to bill customers. He asked, "Who can give me an example of a system where you are billed before you actually receive your goods?" One student piped up, "Tuition!"
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can NOW! download the book, get better food and stop spending money on poor quality food! Food for Wealth
The teacher asked if he knows his numbers. He said, "Yes, I do. My father taught me." "Good. What comes after three?" asked the teacher. "Four," says . "What comes after six?" "Seven." "Very good," says the teacher. "Your dad did a good job. What comes after ten?" smiles and says, "A jack."
From Jennifer P.
We have checks ready to send you for offering us your honest opinion on various online surveys that only take a few minutes to complete. So if you're interested in earning a nice extra income each month for just giving your opinion on various surveys then press here to begin.

We can only accept a few more people, but we will accept you if you're interested...and we hope you are! Thank you,
Jennifer P.
PSC Representative since 1998

A perfectionist teacher demands the very best of all of her pupils. So it is only to be expected that she would get furious when one little fellow hands in a sloppily done homework paper. "This is the worst essay it has been my misfortune to read," the woman says through clenched teeth. "It has so many mistakes. I can't understand how one person could have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," the boy replies defensively. "My dad helped me."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Bucket Seat
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Pa. man admitted dropped heroin was his KIMBERTON, Pa. (AP) - A southeastern Pennsylvania man faces drug charges after police said he admitted the heroin discovered on the floor of a bank belonged to him. East Pikeland Township police said 25-year-old Justin Carbone, of Phoenixville, accidentally dropped the drugs inside a Kimberton credit union earlier this week. Police used the check Carbone cashed to track him down shortly after bank personnel discovered the drugs. When an officer pulled up to Carbone and asked him if he'd lost anything in the bank, police said he replied "two bags of heroin." Carbone was released Monday on $10,000 unsecured bail and was due in court again next month.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: Midi files not playing Dear Webby, thanks for the wonderful news letter every day, look forward to it every morning!. I have a problem maybe you will help me with. I have lost the sound to my midis on this computer, when I send a midi with my emails , the person I send it to can hear the music, but I cant. Where do I go on here to get my sound on this computer, I have a Vista, Home Basic. Thanks for all you do every day, Kindest regards, Annette. Dear Annette Try this: Update the Windows Media Player. Then open a File Explorer (Right-click START, select Explore) Tools Folder Options File Types Scoot down to MID (Midi Files) and associate that type with Windows Media Player. OK your way out of there, and find a midi file with the file explorer. Right-click the midi file select OPEN WITH highlight Windows Media Player put a checkmark on "Always use this program for this type of file" Hit OK. If the sound is not muted or turned down, and the speakers plugged in and turned on, then you should hear the midi file now. Have FUN! DearWebby
A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife and her mother are up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! The way YOU play, you don't stand a snowball's chance in hell of hitting her from here!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rent a Cottage for a Summer Vacation For my family's summer vacation, we rented a cottage for a week and truly enjoyed the solitude. Who could ask for better than getting up to fresh coffee while enjoying the sounds of birds singing and the site of a beautiful lake off the balcony. It is one week in my year that I did not have to worry about laundry, housework, work, or any number of other things I do regularly at home. By Karyn01 from Ottawa, Canada http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Jeff goes in to see the manager. "I have to have a raise, boss," the man says. "There are three other companies after me." "Is that so?" the manager says. "What companies are after you?" "The electric company, the telephone company and the gas company."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An American teacher asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." On being asked what the 'DC' stood for, the pupil answered, "Dot com!"

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Mail problems at Juno and Netzero 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 21, 2010

Juno and Netzero seem to have annoyed a lot of people. This week
I got bounces from about a hundred subscribers with Juno and 
about the same with Netzero addresses, all with "Service unavailable".

I can understand one or two people dying, and don't continue
sending subscriptions to dead addresses, but a hundred each in
a week, that might indicate that the service at Juno and Netzero
has gotten so bad, that a lot of people smartend up and moved
to a better ISP.

If you have a friend or relative with a Juno or Netzero address,
it would be a good idea to contact them some other way and get
their new or alternate address. Since the service at Juno and 
Netzero has been deteriorating for quite some time, most of
them do have a Gmail address on the side for important mail.

Don't write Mom off just yet! Give her a call and get her 
new email address.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz
Apparently the reason England has not joined the rest of Europe in adopting the Euro as the common European currency is that they are worried that in the quaint way they talk in England,"spending a pound" would be changed to "Euronating".
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can NOW! download the book, get better food and stop spending money on poor quality food! Food for Wealth
When a guy's printer began to grow faint, he called a local repair shop where a friendly man informed him that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned. Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told him he might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job himself. Pleasantly surprised by his candor, he asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it is my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly. "We usually make a LOT more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
Dwayne's ad got me 7 cups of coffee. Thanks to the seven, who checked it out! Maybe this one will get me a loaf of bread? Unlike with Dwayne's info, with this you probably don't have to worry about getting into a high tax bracket and messing up your fixed income. It seems to be a much more relaxed way of making some extra money.
From Jennifer P.
We have checks ready to send you for offering us your honest opinion on various online surveys that only take a few minutes to complete. So if you're interested in earning a nice extra income each month for just giving your opinion on various surveys then press here to begin.

We can only accept a few more people, but we will accept you if you're interested...and we hope you are! Thank you,
Jennifer P.
PSC Representative since 1998
Here are a few tips that WILL make the difference between surveys being profitable fun versus a time wasting nuisance: 1) Get some disposable addresses, because if you are good, then you will probably get swamped with too many survey requests. Even if you funnel those addresses to your main address, that will make it easier to filter them to a separate folder, or the trash when you go on vacation. 2) Get the free RoboForm from the left side menu to automate filling in your profile on those surveys that require that. 3) Keep a log of which surveys you filled out, and check your PayPal once a month against that log, to find out which ones are paying the most. Focus on those, and ignore the ones, that are just handing out the occasional coupon. 4) Be realistic! The survey racket is not like Dwayne's info for skipping up a few tax brackets, but simply supplemental spare time income. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two city swingers were walking in the country when one of them spotted a bug walking across the road. "What kind of bug is that?" he asked his companion. The companion leaned over and looked at the bug. "It's a Lady bug." The first man looked at the bug again, then at his friend, and said: "Man, you sure got good eyes."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Young Green Heron
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Derick A. Reedy, 22, in Kingsport, Tennessee Con Artist caught The Tennessee man was arrested yesterday for a harebrained scheme to defraud a Chili's. According to a Kingsport Police Department report, Reedy admitted fabricating a story that two Chili’s workers were “talking sexually about sex and dildos” while he and his wife were eating. Reedy, 22, allegedly did this in a bid to extract a refund for the meal (which he never actually had). While a Chili’s manager did not part with cash, he did give Reedy $70 in gift certificates. Subsequently, the manager called cops after he “discovered that the suspect attempted this at several other businesses.” Confronted by police, Reedy “admitted he lied about the incident in an attempt to obtain money or compensation.” Reedy was charged with fraud, false pretense or swindling and transported to the Kingsport city jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Michael Re: Outlook Limitations Dear Webby, For those of us with brain-dead email readers like Outlook 2007, who would like to contribute to keep your humor letter coming, but for who the PayPal link does not work (though all the rest of the links in your newsletter work just fine), can we send contributions to humor@webby.com via PayPal? Aloha, Michael Dear Michael Yes, sure that works, or you can go to the online copy at http://webby.com/humor or, as you suggested, send money to humor@webby.com Thank you very much! Have FUN! DearWebby
A missionary heard about a native who had five wives. He paid a visit to the native's hut, and sure enough there were five wives. The two men sat outside the hut and talked. The missionery said "You are violating a law of God. Man can only have one wife, so you must go and tell four of those women that they can no longer live here or consider you their husband." The native thought a few moments, then said, "I'll wait here. You tell 'em."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pot Holders Under Plants to Protect Furniture Use pot holders under plants to protect your furniture. I use the ones with the rubber side. I try to get a pot holder the size of the planter. Sit the plant on the cloth side and put the rubber side next to the furniture. It will absorb any leaks or spills and not go through on the furniture. By Wanda S. from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A wife says to her husband one weekend morning, "We've got such a clever dog. He brings in the daily newspapers every morning." Her husband replied, "Well, lots of dogs can do that." The wife responded, "But we've never subscribed to any papers!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
a] The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. On the other hand, the French eat a lot of fat and also suffer fewer heart attacks than the British or Americans. [c] Conclusion: Eat what you like. It's speaking English that kills you. That reminds me..... Because of the anti-smoking propaganda and restrictive laws, the percentage of the population that smokes has decreased. Now, if there was any relation between smoking and cancer, the percentage of people who get cancer should theoretically have decreased at exactly the same rate. It didn't. It INCREASED! OK, so what HAS increased at the same rate as cancer ? Taxes on tobacco products. Kinda makes you think, eh ?

» Mythical Creatures
A little boy runs up to his mother and shouts, "Mommy! Mommy! I want to be a drummer when I grow up!" The mother sweetly replies, "You can't do BOTH."





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Is 10" big enough? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 20, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler "You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now." --- Joan Baez
A New Yorker was being shown around the back country of Louisiana by his cousin. "Is it true that an alligator won't attack you if you carry a flashlight?" he asked. The cousin smirked, "Depends on how fast ya carry it."
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
Nancy doesn't go to church much anymore. She joined the Seventh Day Absentists. That seems to be a very popuar religion these days!
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. The ad is safe. No virus or malware will attack you. It forwards through a perfectly harmless click counter. That is nothing to worry about, even if a child-safe setting on your browser freaks out.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....It probably won't make you $136,808 every month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !
I can give it to you today for FREE
Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne
By the way, that is not a $250 ad, not even a $10 for subscribers only ad. But if you subscribe to Dwayne's newsletter, even without ever buying anything, and even if you unsubscribe next week, then they pay me for a small, plain black coffee. These days that really helps! Thanks DearWebby
While my son was on board the Navy carrier USS GEORGE WASHINGTON, the air wing was busy with training missions. After talking to a pilot, one air-traffic controller accidentally left his microphone on and remarked to a nearby buddy, "That guy sounded just like Elmer Fudd." The airwaves got strangely quiet as everyone listened, realizing that the pilot had also heard the comment. After about ten seconds, the pilot broke the silence by announcing, "Be vewy, vewy quiet. We awe hunting submawenes."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Havasu Falls
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Kevin Crockett, 25, in Cincinnatti Bank robber drops wallet CINCINNATI, Aug. 18 (UPI) -- A Cincinnati bank robber allegedly ran away so fast he dropped his wallet, stained from an exploding dye pack inside a stolen bag of money, police say. Kevin Crockett, 25, and an accomplice allegedly stole an undetermined amount of money July 29 from Key Bank before dropping the loot -- along with his wallet -- and fleeing the scene before officers could respond, The Kentucky Post reported Wednesday. Police say they found the money bag and Crockett's wallet on the sidewalk. Both had been stained from an exploding dye pack a teller had inserted into bag, The Cincinnati Enquirer said. Police arrested Crockett Tuesday. He was arraigned Wednesday, charged with one count of robbery and given $75,000 bond, WLWT-TV, Cincinnati, reported. Crockett was released from prison in 2007, having served time on a bank robbery conviction. An accomplice remained at large, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Amanda Re: Is 10 inch big enough?
Dear Webby A cousin wants to sell his 10" notebook to my daughter to use at college. He claims it is wide screen and plenty good enough, and that young girls have no problem reading small stuff. Somehow I have some doubts, partly because of who he is, so I want to ask you. Is a 10" wide screen good enough for college and worth $300? Amanda Dear Amanda The answers are NO, and NO. That 10" wide screen monitor is only 600 dots high. Even using the tiniest font and a hand held magnifying glass, it is simply not good enough for what they do in college nowadays. For $300 she can buy a very good used 15" laptop that will be just fine for college. Have FUN! DearWebby
The late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? In Canada they say: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you kow where the beer is?" In England they say: "Its 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock. Do you know where your husband is?" In California they say:" Its 11 o'clock do you know how high you are?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pot Holders Under Plants to Protect Furniture Use pot holders under plants to protect your furniture. I use the ones with the rubber side. I try to get a pot holder the size of the planter. Sit the plant on the cloth side and put the rubber side next to the furniture. It will absorb any leaks or spills and not go through on the furniture. By Wanda S. from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The plane was only half-full. When an attractive young woman asked if the seat next to mine was free, my male ego soared. Soon we were chatting pleasantly, and she told me it was her first flight. "Mom said to sit next to someone I thought I could trust," she confessed nervously. "And you look just like my grandpa."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When Lisa noticed a broken vise grip in the trash can, she decided to buy her husband a new one for his birthday. She went to the hardware store and asked the salesman, "Do you have any heavy-duty vise grips?" "Sorry, ma'am," he replied. "I had to give them all up when I got married."

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Web of Trust false warnings 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 19, 2010

The task ahead of us is never as great as the power behind us. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest." --- Mark Twain "It is better to give than receive...especially advice." -- Mark Twain
You can compress the diameter of a rolled up sleeping bag by running over it with your car. Tempting as it may be to "just-do-it", it IS considered good manners to tell your mother-in-law to get out of her sleeping bag before that procedure.
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
There is this American tourist on a trip around Ireland. When the tour arrives at Belfast he decides to go for a stroll with the aim of taking in this new culture. After he's been walking for a while someone rushes up behind him and sticks a gun in his back. The person says to the tourist, "What are you, Catholic or Protestant?" The American thinks to himself "Great -- if I say I'm Catholic, this guy is sure to be Protestant. If I say I'm Protestant, he's sure to be Catholic. Either way I'm dead." Then he has a brain wave and says to the guy, "Actually I'm Jewish." This, he thinks to himself, will surely keep him safe. The guy behind him then replies, "Gee, I must be the luckiest Arab in Ireland."
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me. The ad is safe. No virus or malware will attack you. It forwards through a perfectly harmless click counter. That is nothing to worry about, even if a child-safe setting on your browser freaks out.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....It probably won't make you $136,808 every month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !
I can give it to you today for FREE
Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

Charlie was a regular visitor at the racetrack. One afternoon he noticed an unusual site. Right before the first race, a Catholic Priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and, sure enough, the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the Priest before the next race. Again, the Priest went to the stables and blessed another horse. Charlie quickly put two dollars on that horse and won close to fifty bucks! The Priest kept blessing horses and Charlie kept betting on them and they won! The last race of the day was the biggest and Charlie saw the Priest with that horse, also! He quickly went to his bank and withdrew his life's savings of $20,000, went back to the racetrack and put it all on that horse! He watched the race in certain anticipation of leaving a millionaire! The horse was last to cross the line and Charlie was dead broke! He couldn't believe what happened so he went looking for the Priest. He found the man and asked, "What happened to that last horse you blessed? Because your blessing didn't work, I've lost all of my money!" The Priest said, "That's the trouble with you Protestants. You can't tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites!"
Click on the picture for the Large Version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Duane Bush, 61, in Bethany, NY DWI suspect drove 11 miles with missing tire BETHANY, N.Y. (AP) - Authorities said a western New York man whose license expired 33 years ago has been charged with driving while intoxicated after police said he drove a van 11 miles without one of its tires. The Genesee County Sheriff's Office said another motorist reported seeing a tire falling off a van weaving on a road in Bethany late Monday night. Deputies later arrested 61-year-old Duane Bush at his home in Bethany, 32 miles southwest of Rochester. Deputies said the van traveled 11 miles through the rural town without a rear right tire. Bush was charged with aggravated DWI and unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle. Deputies said his blood-alcohol level was more than three times above the legal limit of .08 percent.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: WOB Dear Webby Mozilla has WOB (web of trust) that rates sites in a number of ways. Dwayne's ad of $136808 per month rates very poor with warnings against going to this site. Do you check the honesty of the ads you place? Bob Dear Bob Read the ad. It's all about FREE stuff. Good and valuable information. That silly WOB program just sees a dollar sign and numbers, and jumps to wacky confusions. Don't use crap like that as a substitute for thinking! Of course there is going to be money mentioned when you go to learn about making money. If you have some religious reasons against money, or worries, that a few thousand bucks a month would mess with your pension, then don't go there. However, if somebody is interested in making some extra cash, then the free information at that link is a good place to start. If they want to go further and spend five bucks, AFTER they have read the free information, that is entirely up to them. By then, they will be able to make an informed choice THEMSELVES, not have their future decided for them by some wacky dogooder program. Some of those silly dogooder programs even put up warnings if a link goes through a counter, indicating that somebody might make a few cents per 1000 clicks. That could be helping somebody pay their bills and that might be against your religion, even though it does not cost you anything. That kind of paranoia doesn't get you anywhere. And if everybody thought that way, the Hunger Site and the Breast Cancer support site would have to shut down. With Dwayne's site, if you subscribe to his free newsletter, without spending a single penny of your money, I get a few in a month. Since I don't have a fixed income or salary, every penny helps in this currently messed up economy. So, if you DO get a chance to help me out without having to spend any money, please do! I appreciate it! Have FUN! DearWebby
A robber went to the bank and pointed a gun on the cashier and said, "Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!" The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say HISTORY." The burglar answered, "Dangit, don't change the *subject*!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Flannel at Thrift Stores This is the time of the year when the thrift stores have flannel sheets on sale for around a quarter. I just bought a couple more mismatched ones to sew into flannel PJ bottoms and nightgowns. Buying flannel in the sheets is much cheaper than paying the $8 a yard or more at Walmart! By Mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A store manager overheard a clerk saying to a customer, "No, ma'am, we haven't had any for quite some time now, and it doesn't look as if we'll be getting any more." Alarmed by what was being said, the manager rushed over to the customer who was walking out the door and said, "That isn't true, ma'am. Of course, we'll have some soon. In fact, I personally placed an order for them just a couple of days ago." Then the manager drew the clerk aside and growled, "Never, never, never, never say we don't have something. If we don't have it, say we ordered it and it's on its way. Now, what was it she asked if we had any?" "Muggers in the parking lot"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signaled a car to pull over to the curb. When Bubba asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "No way," Bubba said, "Ol' Blue don't need none. He's getting too shortsighted fer doin' the drivin'."

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JPG versus PNG 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 18, 2010

If people concentrated on the really important things in life, there'd be a shortage of fishing poles. --- Doug Larson I have opinions of my own - strong opinions - but I don't always agree with them. --- George Bush
A six-year-old ran up and down the supermarket aisles shouting frantically, "Marian, Marian!" Finally reunited with his mother, he was chided by her, "You shouldn't call me 'Marian.' I'm your mother, you know." "I know," said the child, "but the store is full of mothers."
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
One evening a man was very impressed with the meat entree his wife had served. "What did you marinate this in?" he asked. His wife immediately went into a long explanation about how much she loves him and how life wouldn't be the same without him, etc. Eventually, his puzzled expression made her interrupt her answer with a question of her own, "What did you ask me?" She chuckled at his answer and explained, "I thought you asked me if I would marry you again!" As she left the room, he called out, "Well, would you marry me again?" Without hesitation, she said, "Vinegar and barbecue sauce."
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !
I can give it to you today for FREE

Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected up sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being -- a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol; whom one can treat as one's absolute own; who will be kind and faithful when times are hard; who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Sure I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 40 year old bike rider in Hamilton, Ontario Half naked bike rider arrested HAMILTON - A Hamilton, Ont. man is facing several charges after taking an early-morning motorcycle ride wearing nothing but a T-shirt. Police spotted the nearly-nude 40-year-old going down a city street dotted with shops and homes without a helmet at around 4 a.m. on Sunday. The man tried to get away once he saw an officer, momentarily losing control of his bike before steadying himself and speeding away. Police caught up with the nearly nude man a short time later. He tried to flee on foot, but was arrested close to his home after a brief struggle. Acting Staff Sgt. David Hennick said the man had been drinking, but was not impaired. Despite his nudity, the pants-free rider was not charged with indecent exposure. "No one else was around, it was just the officer and the accused," said Hennick. "It is kind of bizarre," he chuckled. The man faces several charges, including flight from police, dangerous driving and wat caused the police to notice him in the first place, failing to wear a helmet.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Gordon Re: JPG versus PNG Dear Webby Can you please settle the debate here about whether to use PNG or JPG for web sites? Gordon Dear Gordon For pictures, that don't require perfection, for example jokes, cartoons or funny pictures, JPG is good enough, UNLESS you expect to have to edit it in the future. A JPG suffers each time it is saved, edges get blurry and "artifacts" (blemishes) appear. However, if you won't have to touch it ever again, then the good file size compression of JPG is a deciding factor. Today's picture further up is a good example. When quality is important, and editing a possibility in the future, then I prefer PNG. It saves with loss-less compression and does not degrade each time it is saved. A good example of that is Lillemor's rose. It definitely rates PNG, and deserves the little bit of extra file size, that PNG demands. Click on the picture for the Large Version There are other advantages to PNG as well. You can have transparent sections in a PNG, same as with GIF, however, that works only reliably with FireFox, Opera and Safari, but not with all versions of IE. That means, it will depend on your audience, whether you can use transparent sections and fades overlapping text, that is "live" and line-wraps when a browser's width is adjusted. If most of your visitors use various versions of IE, forget the fancy stuff and stick with JPG and GIF. IE handles plain PNG files without transparencies and fades quite well. Just go easy on the fancy stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife: " What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy Flannel at Thrift Stores This is the time of the year when the thrift stores have flannel sheets on sale for around a quarter. I just bought a couple more mismatched ones to sew into flannel PJ bottoms and nightgowns. Buying flannel in the sheets is much cheaper than paying the $8 a yard or more at Walmart! By Mom-from-missouri from NW Missouri http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At long last the good-humoured boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Q. What's the difference between a car salesman and a computer salesman? A. The car salesman knows when he's lying to you.

» Buggy Stuff






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How to play MP3 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 17, 2010

I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them. --- Robert Orben "Advice is probably the only free thing which people won't take." --- Lothar Kaul What you get free costs too much." --- Jean Anouilh "If it's free, it's advice; if you pay for it, it's counseling; if YOU can use either one, it's a miracle." --- Jack Adams
Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked: "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only a kiss a yard, " replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take ten yards." With expectation and anticiPaddyion written all over his face, the clerk hurriedly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then held it out teasingly. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma will pay the bill," she smiled.
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
Colonel Jack: What's your name, driver? Driver: Alfred, sir. Colonel Jack: I always call my drivers by their last names. What's your last name, driver? Driver: It's Darling, sir. Colonel Jack: Drive on, Alfred.
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !
I can give it to you today here

Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time, and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, maite, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya blimey idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, aiy!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Donelle Flores, 29, and Billy Evans, 24, now in Kern County California jail Crooks visiting jail get to stay BAKERSFIELD, Calif. -- Two people visiting someone in jail Thursday ended up behind bars themselves. Donelle Flores, 29, and Billy Evans, 24, were visiting Lerdo Detentions Center on Lerdo Highway when they were arrested, according to the Kern County Sheriff's Office. Flores was arrested when deputies discovered she was wanted on outstanding felony warrants. She was also found with three syringes, two pouches containing suspected methamphetamine, a pill case containing suspected marijuana, a handcuff key and a small knife. Evans, who accompanied Flores to the jail, was arrested for being a felon on jail grounds and for receiving stolen property. He was in possession of checks that deputies suspect were stolen. Both visitors were booked into the Kern County Jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: can't play MP3 Dear Webby Question. Someone sent me a WAV and a MP3 file. I have attached them FYI. The only problem is they will not play on my lappie. This is the message I get: ...This file does not have a program associated with it ... She says Windows Media should play it, but it does not. Any idea what to do with this, how to fix it? I am very limited in my knowledge here.... Thanks a lot! Jai Dear Jai They both play fine for me Open the file Explorer TOOLS Folder Options File Types find mp3 and wav, and associate those types with Media Player or QuickTime If you don't see MP3 in there, update Media Player. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dina for this one: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plan Ahead When Shopping Plan every shopping trip, especially those to the grocery store. Learn the prices of items, so you'll know what is a good buy and what isn't. The more coupons, the better prepared grocery list, the less that has to come out of our wallets. It's money that can be used for other purposes. By Badwater from NV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

They were burying Paddy today and the priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Paddy to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Paddy, even though Paddy was a drunk and a fighter and a crook and never paid back what he had borrowed. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of us MUST get up and say something nice about the man.It's our duty." So as the priest sat down again, in the back pew got up, cleared the throat, and with hat in hand, said, "His brother was worse!".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Baseball in the Bible? It all started "In the Big Inning." Eve stole first. Adam stole second. Abraham made a sacrifice. Jacob struck out. The prodigal son made a home run. Everybody played baseball until the fall of the Roamin Umpire.

» Cape Town

Trishia is five feet, three inches tall and pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her sister accompanied her to the emergency room. The triage nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 125 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her sister leaned over to her. "Trishia," she gently chided, "This is not the Internet."





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Realistic looking 3D contrast with digital pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 16, 2010

You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. --- Tom Wilson But he that dares not grasp the thorn, Should never crave the rose. --- Anne Bronte
"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," she insisted. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
A group of women were talking together. One woman said, "Our congregation is sometimes down to 30 or 40 on a Sunday." Another said, "That's nothing. Sometimes our congregation is down to six or seven." A maiden lady in her seventies added her bit, "Why, it's so bad in our church on Sundays that when the minister says 'dearly beloved,' it makes me blush."
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal !
I can give it to you today here

Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

The homeowner was delighted with the way the painter had done all the work on his house. "You did a great job," he said and handed the man a check. "Also, in order to thank you, here's an extra $80 to take the missus out to dinner and a movie." The painter thanked him and agreed to do that. Later that night, the doorbell rang and it was the painter. Thinking the man had forgotten something he asked, "What's the matter, did you forget something?" "Nope," replied the painter. "I'm a man of my word. I'm here to take your missus out to dinner and a movie like you asked."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to William Hussey, 22 from Chapel Hill, NC Stuck in chimney The Knoxville News Sentinel quoted Knoxville police who said a homeowner heard cries for help and traced them to her chimney early Friday. Police found a sport utility vehicle abandoned with a door open in the road near the home. There were seven gasoline containers in it and a strong smell of petroleum coming from it. Then, they found Hussey in the chimney of someone he didn’t know. Hussey is 22 and is from Chapel Hill, N.C. The fire department used a rope to hoist him and he was taken to a hospital to be examined. Police charged Hussey with public intoxication, vandalism and aggravated trespassing. According to officers, Hussey had no believable explanation for why he was in the chimney.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharlene Re: Portrait pictures Dear Webby You mentioned once, once upon a time, long, long ago, what to do to take decent portrait pictures with a digital camera. Can you please tell us, or me anyway, once more what needs to be done, to avoid that flat look? Thanks Sharlene Dear Sharlene First, the problem is not unique to digital cameras. You probably have seen drawings of photographers from hundred or more years ago, where the photographer was holding up a flash pan as far as he could reach to the left and upward. That wasn't to avoid singing his hair when the gunpowder and magnesium went off in the borrowed dust pan. The reason for that stretching was to make the flash arrive from an angle, and thereby produce some mose and cheek shadows, and result in a more 3D look. If you do the same with a Slave Flash, held up and sideways just like the photographers held the flash pan, then your pictures will be just as good. Some cameras have a connector for a remote flash, but a lot of them nowadays expect you to get a smart Slave Flash, that gets triggered when it sees the flash on your camera. That works quite well, if you are the only one taking picures. Just glue or tape some white cardboard or plastic an inch in front of the camera flash, so that it will bounce over to where you hold the Slave Flash. Check with the manufacturer of your camera what brand and model of flash they recommend to use with that camera. Most are surprisingly cheap. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Martin for this story: I just applied for a building permit for a new house. It was going to be 100 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system. It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with titty pink trim. The City Council told me to go to hell. So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque. .........Work starts on Monday
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Jar Extras in Ice Cube Trays Saving the contents of a partially opened can and other tips to use freezing certain condiments, spices and even garlic. This one is really easy. Once you have opened a large jar of a product, usually it goes into the refrigerator, and sometimes spoils if you do not use it quickly enough. This applies to most canned goods, or other things that may only be used a certain amount of the time. By Bella S. from Forks, WA more at ... http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "would you please thank her for two pies?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A flying saucer was low on fuel, so it landed near a local gas station. On its side were the letters "UFO." The gas station attendant was stunned, but his curiosity got the best of him. "Does that stand for Unidentified Flying Object?", he asked. "No," one of the other-worldly travelers responds. "It stands for 'Unleaded Fuel Only.' "

» Puppy Power

A pastor told his congregation that he was going to do a 4 point message series over the next few weeks. Whatever word I end on", he told them, "I want you to sing a song that goes with that word". The first week the word was Rock. So the congregation sang "Rock of Ages". The 2nd week the word was Assurance. So they sang "Blessed Assurance". The 3rd week the word was Cross. They sang "At the Cross". The 4th week the word was sex. The congregation was baffled at what to sing. Finally an 85 yr old woman stood up from the back of the church and started singing "Precious Memories". Try singing that song next time without laughing.





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Faked sender spam 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 15, 2010

Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz Good enough never is. --- Debbi Fields
Teacher: , use "defeat," "defense" and "detail" in a sentence. : The rabbit ran across the field, and defeat went over defence before detail.
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
A small, uncertain, and nervous witness was being cross-examined. The lawyer thundered, "Have you ever been married ?" "Yes, sir, once" said the witness in a low voice. "Whom did you marry?" "Well, a woman." The lawyer said angrily, "Of course you married a woman ! Did you ever hear of anyone marrying a man ?" The witness replied meekly, "I don't know about yours, but I know my mother did." -------------- That joke doesn't apply to California any more, where, to the sheer delight of divorce lawyers, same sex marriage, forbidden by popular vote, has been ruled to be legal by a federal judge, who does not give a hoot about what the majority demanded.
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal :)
I can give it to you today here

Are you even a little bit curious to know what it is, that I want to give you?
Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

A number of new Air-Force recruits were being taken on their first training flight. The plane had just leveled out after taking off when one of the engines seized up, and another began smoking badly. Adjusting his parachute, the instructor strove for nonchalance as he made his way to the hatch door. "Now I want you men to keep perfectly calm," he said, "while I go for help."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Kendl Murphy, 43, in Wethersfield, CT Cocain found in bank deposit Wethersfield police said the envelope Kendl Murphy, 43, used to make her deposit at the drive-up window of Rockville Bank at about 4 p.m. Thursday was found to contain a small bag of white powder, leading tellers to call police while the deposit was being processed, The Hartford (Conn.) Courant reported Friday. Police Sgt. Scott Custer said a field test on the bag showed positive results for cocaine. He said Murphy admitted the cocaine was hers and told officers "something to the effect that it was left over from the weekend and she didn't realize she left it in that envelope." Murphy, who police said was not under the influence of any substances at the time of the incident, was charged with possession of narcotics and released without bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Fake sender spam Dear Webby; I love the dog pic today. He is cute. Thanks for sending. I am wondering about some mail trouble. I am getting messages about mail that doesn't get delivered to the receiver (undeliverable etc.) 1st of all I did not try sending anything to that contact because it is not someone I do know, nor is in my address book. Also it is usually mail I never sent, saw nor read (junk or inbox mail). Sometimes this same mail (not read) goes to other contacts that are in my address book. The mail is usually an ad for odd sites such as for meds etc . I use Superantispyware & Avast & run them at least once a week sometimes more. I know your mailwasher caught a few of them. Any tips on why this is happening & what I can do about it? I'm not sure if it's happening in Hotmail or Gmail. I sure appreciate your tips. Thanks so much. Sharon Dear Sharon That kind of spam is called "Fake Bounce". They forge your address in as the sender, and send it to a guaranteed nonexistent address or full mailbox, so that it bounces back to you. If you are a Hotmail or MSN user, they even forge in your name, AND they CC it to addresses from your address book. If you display the header in MailWasher, you can see that it was sent from a Hotmail or MSN address, but with a different IP number from yours. That has been going on for years. The way to block that type of spam is to make a filter in MailWasher that dumps any mail pretending to come from you. If you are in the habit of sending mail to yourself, add an extra qualification to the filter, for example your IP number, if you have a fixed one. Or put a special mark like a ] at the begin of the subject line, whenever you send a mail to yourself, and then use that as a qualification. If the FROM CONTAINS (your address) AND the SUBJECT DOES NOT CONTAIN ] THEN dump it, automatically, on the server, unseen. Once you have made that filter, you will never see that type of spam again. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe: I see you've lost weight since you started your new job. Did your boss put you on a diet?" Amy: No, she put me on commission.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tips for Kids at Summertime Here are some things kids can do over the summer: * Make flower beds, rock beds or hanging gardens. * Make pet rocks. * Have a garage sale and let kids make the signs. * Write down some good ideas and pick from a hat, like movies. * Enjoy events in your local community. The possibilities are endless, be sure to ask the kids what they would like to do. By 123Helen from Senoia, GA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well. However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctors hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down enough so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off. Writen in large black letters was the sentence. "Get well quick..... from the nurse, whom you gave a ticket to last week."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."

» Food Fun

Liz goes to her first show at an art gallery and is looking at the paintings. One is a huge canvas that has black with yellow blobs of paint splattered all over it. The next painting is a murky gray color that has drips of purple paint streaked across it. Liz walks over to the artist and says, "I don't understand your paintings." "I paint what I feel inside me," explains the artist. "You should try some Tums and eat properly!"





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Queer links 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 14, 2010

Money can't buy happiness, but neither can poverty. --- Leo Rosten One man alone can be pretty dumb sometimes, but for real bona fide stupidity, there ain't nothin' can beat teamwork. --- Edward Abbey
An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of it's valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (....repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there and not run away? All the old lady did, was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??" replied the burglar, "Man, she said she had an axe and two 38's!!!"
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
Two women were trying on shoes in the store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"
From Dwayne, the Work At Home Coach Free for a very limited time. If you snooze and loose, don't cry on me.
Here's the deal, TODAY I'm giving away something, that makes me $136,808 per month....I don't know if it will make you $136,808 per month, but it makes ME that much, and you would be CRAZY to not let me give it to you...and yes, it's legal :)
I can give it to you today here

Are you even a little bit curious to know what it is, that I want to give you?
Thank you so much for your time!
Dwayne

A SHORT HISTORY OF MEDICINE: "Doctor, I have an ear ache." 2000 B.C. - "Here, eat this root. That will be one payment on my sandals, please." 1000 B.C. - "That root is heathen, say this prayer. That will be one payment on my donkey, please." 1850 A.D. - "That prayer is superstition, drink this potion. That will be one payment on my wagon, please." 1940 A.D. - "That potion is snake oil, swallow these pills. That will be one payment on my Buick, please." 1985 A.D. - "That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic. That will be one payment on my Mercedes, please." 2002 A.D. - "That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root! That will be one payment on my yacht, please."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Desmond McKenna, 44, in manchester, England The mugger who apologised to his victims is jailed for robbery He carried out a string of vicious robberies across Manchester using a Rambo-style hunting knife, but was dubbed ‘Saint Des’ because he kept saying sorry to his victims. In one audacious raid McKeena, 44, ordered a petrified building society cashier to hand over cash totalling £1,067, but added: ‘I know I'm going to get caught and I'll pay for everything I've done. I'm sorry for doing that.’ In another robbery he said ‘sorry love,’ as he threatened his victim with his huge knife. However, his apologies were brushed aside by Judge Martin Rudland at Manchester Crown Court, who told him: 'The risk you pose is acute and overwhelming.' McKenna, of Old Trafford, was sentenced to serve six years before being considered for parole.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barbara Re: Queer links Dear Webby Is there any way to force links to be underlined, even if some nuisance queer "designer" hid the underline, that shows when some text is a link? It really annoys me, especially when those queers then use underline instead of bold on text, that is not a link, and have SOME links, for example in ads on the side, underlined like honest links. Thanks Barbara Dear Barbara Unfortunately the only solution is to write to the owner of the site, and tell them about it. Quite often they are not aware of the problem, and will gladly tell the "designer" to follow accepted standards and not try to push some weird concept just to show, that she or he is "different". If they have a forum, don't be shy! Quite likely you will trigger quite a storm from people who feel like you do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man was being proselytized by group of friends: "Come join our study group. We want to discuss mankind's relationship to God." "I'm married; I learned long ago that my opinions don't matter." "But, when you die, will you go to heaven or to hell?" "Wherever my wife tells me to."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paper Towels as Packing Material When packing household items to move I use paper towels, the recycled kind. When I unpack, I reuse the paper towels for cleaning jobs! By Kate from Gainesville, FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three couples are in line at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter says to the first couple, "Sorry, I can't let you in." "Why not?" asked the husband. "Because all the two of you ever cared about was drinking. You were either stone drunk or hung over. You didn't have a sober day in your marriage." said St. Peter. "That's not true!" pleaded the couple. "Really, now." said St. Peter. "What's your wife's name?" "Sherry", said the man "See, you even married a woman named after a drink!" said St. Peter just as he released a trap door, sending them straight down to hell. Then he a told the second couple they couldn't get in to Heaven, either. "Why not?" asked the second husband. "Because all you ever cared about was making money, and you didn't care how you did it. You would cheat anybody, anytime to make your fortune." said St. Peter. "You even cheated your own brothers and sisters out of their inheritance!" "That's not true!" pleaded the husband. "Oh, really?" queried St. Peter "What's your wife's name?" "Penny", said the husband. "See?" said St. Peter, "You even have wife named after money." At which point he released the trap door sending them down to hell. The third husband, grinning, said to his wife, "Well, Fanny, I'm sure glad we were not interested in booze or money!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not at all try to understand her.

» Utah in 3D

Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."





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How difficult are those online back-ups? 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 13, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson I have often depended on the blindness of strangers. --- Adrienne E. Gusoff
Thanks to Dianne for this story: one time Dad was driving Mom's Pinto, I was in the passenger's seat and Eric, 5 at the time, was standing between my legs, watching out the windshield. We were traveling thru one of those old iron bridges. The ones with a wooden floor, cross wises, and raised ones for the wheels to ride on, length wise. The Pinto slipped off the boards, did a 180, and we rolled out the other end of the bridge, facing the wrong direction. Did not make contact with the bridge. Eric, between my legs, is jumping up and down, yelling, "Do it again!"
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
Thanks to Sandie for this story: On a long drive from Virginia, I thought I was traveling at a reasonable speed, but the flashing blue lights in my rear view mirror made me realize that I'd been over the limit. I handed the officer my license and made small talk while my wife dug through the glove compartment for the registration. "I'm usually very careful about my speed," I told him as my wife handed me the paperwork. The officer studied it and then gave it back. "Sir," he said gruffly, "this is not your registration." It was a warning ticket I had received for speeding in South Carolina.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit,
and it works, even on me!
It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.
Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any
problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!
You deserve it! Go for it!!
A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He was trying every excuse in the world, trying to get out of it but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the Grey suit with those shifty eyes and that dishonest face and I said, "He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty." So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. That's his lawyer."
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Debra Langham, 51 in Lindale, Texas Wrong Number Connects Drug Seller With Police It turned out to be the wrong number the 51-year-old Lindale woman was texting looking for a buyer for her marijuana. Instead of making a drug deal, she was arrested by the Smith County Sheriff’s undercover narcotics team, who she unknowingly had been texting. Debra Langham was arrested Tuesday and charged with felony possession of marijuana after she set up a deal to meet ‘the buyer” at a location on West Gentry Parkway. Lt. Tony Dana said Ms. Langham began texting an employee of the sheriff’s office a couple of weeks ago about a possible marijuana buy. “At the time our narcotics team was really busy and we just couldn’t get to it, but she started texting again Monday and the officers got involved and played along with the texts,” he said. Dana said Ms. Langham told the deputies what kind of vehicle she would be driving and where to meet her and at what time. “The narcotics officers sat in a position where they could see her if she did show up and when she did they waited until she left the parking lot to have a marked unit conduct a traffic stop,” he said. What deputies found inside the car was half a pound of marijuana, valued at $400. Dana said Ms. Langham was charged and taken to the Smith County Jail where she was later released on a $5,000 bond. “This all happened because apparently she put in the wrong number to text when this all began several weeks ago,” he said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: How difficult are those online back-ups? Dear Webby How difficult are those online back-ups? And how expensive are they? Do all of them suddenly get outrageous if you accidentally go over some limit? And, how expensive is a reasonable one? Thanks Mark Dear Mark The one I recommend is Mozy. Lucille, a friend and client from http://couple-or-not.com installed Mozy just using her text to speech reader. She can't see. Then half a year later she switched ISPs and got a new address. At about the same time, her compter died and she needed a new one. With any program except Mozy, that would have spelled total disaster. Think about it! How do you identify yourself and get YOUR back-up, if you have a different address? I sent a quick note to James, the CEO of Mozy, and he himself called Lucille and talked her step by step over the phone through getting re-connected with her back-up. Your second question about limits: With Mozy you get 2 GB free, or unlimited space for $4.95 a month, with a month free if you pay for a year. If you get a year's worth before the end of August through my link at http://webby.com/mozy, then I can get you an additional 10% discount. If you go directly to http://mozy.com, you won't get that discount. Just tell me before you sign up, and I will give you the discount code for that day. Once you are signed up for the unlimited, you too can apply to become an affiliate and get discounts for YOUR friends. If you use the free 2 GB limited version, you don't get suddenly charged if you go over that limit. You simply hit a wall and can't go over that. With the unlimited version, of course, there is no limit at all to worry about. However, if you are backing up 4 TeraBytes of pictures and music, your local ISP might get unhappy about that, plus a big upload like that with automatic updating, will probably slow down your computer, whenever it is doing the scheduled updating of the back-up. Most people can fit their important and irreplaceable stuff into about 5 - 10 GB. That normally updates during your lunch time. Have FUN! DearWebby
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," said the doctor, "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Plastic Cupcake Trays to Start Seeds Use cupcake trays from the grocery store bakery for mini greenhouse to start plant seeds in. Each cake compartment holds a peat seed starter pot nicely. All you need to do is use a soldering iron to melt some drainage holes and a couple vent holes on top. Use peat seed starter pots in each cake compartment. When plants get bigger just remove the peat pots and reuse your cupcake greenhouse over and over. By Kim from KS http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Be generous with the vent holes! Best is one horizontal row of holes near the bottom on one side of the bottom tray to pull air in, and a vertical row of holes or slots on the opposite side, in the cover only. Make a triangle from cardboard or clear plastic and a scotch tape sleeve to hold it. Dull the scotch tape where it touches the triangle, so that you can move the triangle to adjust the temperature. If the top holes are covered and only the lower holes open, it gets a lot hotter inside. With the bottom holes covered and the top holes open, it won't overheat. That method is a lot safer than propping the lid up, and risk having the wind catch it and toss it all over the balcony. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man entered a barbershop and said, "I am tired of looking like everyone else. I want a change. Part my hair from ear to ear!" The barber nodded and said, "Are you sure?" His customer said, "yes," so the barber did as he was told, and the satisfied gentleman left the shop a happy man. Three hours passed and the man reentered the barber shop. "Put it back the way it was," hesaid. "What's the matter?" said the barber. "Are you tired of being a non-conformist already?" "No," the customer replied, "I'm tired of people whispering at my nose."

» Unbelievable





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Yahoo's Digital PMS 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 12, 2010

Most people would succeed in small things if they were not troubled with great ambitions. --- Henry Wadsworth Longfellow "It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it." --- Aristotle
Six-year-old Jay's father was a rector in a small church. One day, his father told Jay that a very important bishop was coming and that he would be staying with them. Jay became very excited and asked his father if he would get to meet the bishop. His father thought about this and decided that he would let Jay bring the bishop tea in the morning and wake him up. Jay was very excited about the opportunity to do this. His father gave him instructions: first, knock on the door of the bishop's room and then say to him, "It's the boy, my Lord, it's time to get up." Jay was very excited and rehearsed his lines repeating them over and over. Finally, morning came and Jay rehearsed his lines. He went to the door and knocked. He was so excited and nervous though, that his lines got mixed up and Jay said, "It's the Lord, my boy, and your time is up!"
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home.
A grandmother came by to show off her just bought Pontiac Grand Am. The eight-year-old granddaughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.
Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any
problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!
You deserve it! Go for it!!
Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, Sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, Sandy offered, "Would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, gave her a very suspicious look and then said, "Okay". Feeling she was making progress, Sandy then asked, "Why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Richard Baker, 48, Asked cops to search the house A Jefferson County man standing wrapped only in a towel in his front yard was arrested this morning, but not because he was near naked. Fearing someone was in his house, the man asked Jefferson County sheriff's deputies to search the home. When they did, they found a pound of marijuana. "Deputies found no signs of an intruder in the house, and little sign of intelligence outside the house," said Chief Deputy Randy Christian. A passerby called deputies about 4:15 a.m. to report a man was standing naked in the road in the 2200 block of Old Springville Road. They arrived to find Richard Baker, 48, cloaked in a towel. He told authorities someone was in his house trying to rob him and asked they go inside and look for the bad guy. When deputies entered the home, Christian said, they immediately smelled marijuana and spotted a plastic grocery bag containing six sandwich bags, each filled with the pot. The total weight was about one pound with a value of between $800 to $1,000. Baker was arrested for first-degree possession of marijuana and possession of drug paraphernalia. He is in the county jail with bond set at $21,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Yahoo on PMS? Dear Webby A few days ago various subscriptions stopped showing up in my Yahoo mail, except for those sent from Yahoo groups. Is this going to be another two month problem, until everything starts showing up again on it's own, or is there something I can do about it? Ellen Dear Ellen Unfortunately, there is nothing you can do about it. It's just a Yahoo tradition. Some day some of your subscriptions will show up again. Those are the ones, where bounces don't get dropped from the list. Some newsletters never weed out their lists, and they still send daily letters to people who died fifteen years ago. It makes for impressive numbers, but is just a waste of bandwidth. Those won't drop you from their lists, but the properly run newsletter operators will unsubscribe you, if your address bounces. There is no way to tell whether you graduated, died, or if Yahoo has digital PMS. So, when some newsletters start showing up again, subscribe to the Humor Letter again. In the meantime, you can read it online at http://webby.com/humor, and drag the little icon at the left side of the browser address bar onto an empty corner on your desktop. That will give you a shortcut to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer: "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' ... If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.'... If his eyes still don't flutter, you add ...'Each.' ---- Looks like I better learn to flutter my eyes!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Fabric Paint to Create Non-slip Surfaces I use a few dabs of fabric paint (the puff paint 3D type) for non-slip items. Make sure to let them dry before use. You can draw designs on the bottoms of knitted slippers so it's not slippery. You can make coasters with recycled CDs, felt, and dabs of paint on bottom. It won't move around on you! Add a few stripes to the soles of slippery tennis shoes or flip flops. Or add it to the bottom of slipping cutting boards. Use your imagination, the possibilities are endless. By Becca25 from NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The finance committee of our church refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier, because none of the members knows how to play one.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A third grade teacher asked her class: "I'd like you to be very quiet today. I've got a dreadful headache." "Excuse me," said little , "why don't you do what my mom does when she has a hangover?" "What's that?" asked the teacher. "She sends us outside to play."

» Unbelievable





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Password keeper 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 11, 2010

What happens to a man is less significant than what happens within him. --- Louis L. Mann Nothing in life is so hard that you can't make it easier by the way you take it. --- Ellen Glasgow PIANO, n. A parlor utensil for subduing the impenitent visitor. It is operated by depressing the keys of the machine and the spirits of the audience. --- Ambrose Bierce
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into her car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of her car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of her car. So the trooper decided to pull her over and perform a community service by giving the driver her chicken. He pulled her over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looked at the trooper and said, "No thanks, I just bought some."
Food for Wealth learn how to grow organic food with less than 8 hours work a year. This is a breakthrough method to counter food risks and rising costs. You don't need a big garden or lots of time, if you get it right. You can download the book right NOW! Food for Wealth
The police recently busted a man selling tablets that he claimed stopped aging.. When going through their files they noticed it was the fourth time he was caught for doing this. He had earlier been arrested in 1794, 1856 and 1928.
Deciding to take up jogging, the middle-aged man was astounded by the wide selection of jogging shoes available at the local sports shoe store. While trying on a basic pair of jogging shoe, he noticed a minor feature and asked the clerk about it. "What's this little pocket thing here on the side for?" "Oh, that's to carry spare change so you can call your wife to come pick you up when you've jogged too far."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
Learn quickly how to switch your body to burning fat,
instead of storing it. This method of burning fat is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a simple method, not a diet or pills.
Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any
problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!
You deserve it! Go for it!!
"Recently we got a call from that big white church at 11th and Walnut," the paramedic said. "A frantic usher was very concerned that during the sermon an elderly man passed out in a pew and appeared to be dead. The usher could find no pulse and there was no noticeable breathing." "What was so unusual and demanding about this particular call?" the interviewer asked. "Well," the paramedic said, "we carried out four guys before we found the one who was dead."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Melodi Dushane, 24, of East Toledo, Ohio McNugget Rampage Video of rampage Melodi Dushane, a 24-year-old woman from East Toledo, Ohio, became enraged earlier this year when she was told that she couldn't buy McNuggets at 6:30 a.m. because her local McDonalds restaurants was serving breakfast only. Duchane went berserk, attacked two McDonalds employees and smashed a window before driving off.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Abraham Re: Password keeper Dear Webby Since it is too easy to crack the browser's password keeper, as my 12 year old daughter showed me, when she retrieved my FaceBook password for me, I need something more solid. I know you got RoboForm in the side menu. How safe is that, and do I get it cheaper, if I go directly to their site? Abraham Dear Abraham RoboForm is rock solid and perfectly safe. It is the Industry standard for password keepers.FireFox, IE, and most other browsers have simple plug-ins for it, that make RoboForm act like it was an integral part of the browser. Regarding the cost: If you use my link to RoboForm, you bypass all the rigmarole and get the home version free, without any fuss. You immediately get the "Save" pop-up asking you where to save it to. It is free, and I just carry the link to their no-fuss back door as a public service, like almost all links there. If you need to track many hundreds of passwords for clients, like I do, you can upgrade to the PRO version, without losing any of the stored passwords and user names and comments. Transferring RoboForm to another machine is simple and easy, and with their GoodSync you can even automatically synchronize other machines on the same network. Most likely the free home version of RoboForm is more than good enough for what you need. Have FUN! DearWebby
A southern Belle arrived a the church rather late, just as the congregation was rushing to their cars. "Is - M-ass out?" she panted to one of the dowagers. "No, child, but your skirt IS a little short," she replied.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discolored Stainless Steel Pans I find that using liquid bleach on the inside of my stainless steel pans removes tea stains immediately. You can add a little water if you'd like, but I just pour a small amount in the pan, swirl it around and dump it into the next pan with the stains. It works great. I rinse the clean pan immediately so the bleaching will stop right away. By BonsterBonnie from MD http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Mark, went into a convenience store to prepay for gasoline and returned with two plastic bottles of soda. As he filled the tank, his wife opened a bottle. To her dismay it fizzed and foamed all over her lap. Several miles down the road, Mark asked for his soda. Handing it to him, She warned, "Be careful. These are really over-carbonated." But when Mark opened his bottle, it barely hissed. Eyes on the road, he nonchalantly said, "You must have gotten the one I dropped."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A man visited a psychiatrist to talk about his dreams. "Every night," the man said, "I dream that these three hideous monsters are sitting on the edge of my bed, ready to attack me." "Hmmm," said the doctor. "I feel sure I can cure you of this problem. But the treatment will be costly. I charge $200 per weekly session and it may take a couple of years to solve your problem." "Two hundred dollars per session!" the man gasped. "Never mind getting rid of the monsters, Doctor. I think I will give that bed to my mother-in-law. That will fix their wagon!"

» Pavement Art





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Bot not crypted 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home. --- Bill Cosby Good taste is the worst vice ever invented. --- Edith Sitwell
A doctor answers his phone and hears the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, there are three doctors there already!"
Two social workers were walking through a rough part of the city in the evening. They heard moans and muted cries for help from a back lane. Upon investigation, they found a semi-conscious man in a pool of blood. "Help me, I've been mugged and beaten", he pleaded. The two social workers turned and walked away. One remarked to his colleague: "You know the person that did this *really* needs help. We'll have to do a study in fall, when it's not so hot, and file a report."
At Sunday school, the teacher asked , "Do you know where little boys and girls go when they do bad things?" "Sure," replied. "They go out into the bushes in the back of the church yard."
Looks like nobody wants to become a famous blogger and make money, so that ad is gone. I still have the information, in case you change your mind.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here! Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method of burning fat is quite legit, and it works,
even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.
Especially if you or a family member is a diabetic or has any
problem controlling weight permanently, grab this book!
It is well worth it Go for it!!
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'" --- Elayne Boosler
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Flounder: 190 KG (418 lb) Caught by a 10 year old kid in 2 hours
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Justine Locker in Chessington, England Mermaid too good looking Aquarium bosses have put a bikini on an underwater statue of a mermaid - because her boobs were attracting more attention than the fish. Staff at Sea Life Chessington said they noticed many young male visitors to their underwater tunnel were not giving the marine life their full attention. So in a bid to save the mermaid's modesty and get visitors concentrating on the fish again, a diver was dispatched to cover the statue's breasts with a bikini. Manager Justine Locker said: "It's a bit of a mistake on our part. We hadn't noticed quite how buxom Sally was until we clocked young boys, and not so young boys, spending a lot of time ogling her in the walkthrough ocean tunnel. They didn't have the class to use sea shells to hide the fact that the ancient mermaid looked so much better than the manager, they used some bright, gaudy cloth to really make everybody stop and stare.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: Bot not crypted Dear Webby Thoroughly enjoy the daily http://webby.com/humor – thanks for producing and sharing it. Recently (in the past two weeks) when I reboot my desktop PC (Windows XP Home) I get a message: ‘BOT NOT CRYPTED.’ Nothing else on the alert. I ran a full CA scan that didn’t address the problem. Found a couple of recent references on the net (all within a day or two) so my machine isn’t alone with this problem. Also, which internet security do you suggest? CA did an ‘upgrade’ several weeks ago and installed all sorts of junk I don’t want that appear to be slowing my already slow computer. I won’t use Norton – had a bad experience with them a few years ago when a virus slipped through and their tech support had no idea how to get rid of it and still charged me $99 for their efforts. Any ideas/insights? THANKS! Be safe, Pat Dear Pat I use McAfee. Norton or CA are not good enough for me. Not good enough for you either, as you found out the hard way. I don't know if McAfee shielded me from that "bot not crypted" stuff, or whether I simply did not go as far onto the wild side as you did. Trying to get information like that from McAfee is virtually impossible. Their Taliban are quite good and helpful when a registered user has a problem, but they won't give me any information about whether they can help you. The only useful information I could find was at http://www.ukbusinessforums.co.uk/forum ... p?t=165067 You can also try http://www.superantispyware.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Someone in our neighborhood put a huge sofa out by the curb for trash collection. Since it was in good shape, many motorists slowed down for a look. But when they saw how enormous it was, they'd leave. Eventually a compact car pulled up, and two men got out. "This I've got to see," I thought. They removed the cushions, turned the sofa upside down, and shook it hard. Then they picked up all the coins that tumbled out and drove off.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Re-Run of yesterday's Preventing Fruit Flies The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a day or two. Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until the problem clears up. Source: My future son-in-law. By Mkymlp from PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A group of British tourists were being guided through an ancient castle in Austria. "This place," the guide told them, "is 1600 years old. Not a stone in it has been touched, nothing altered, nothing replaced in all those years." "Wow," said one woman dryly, "they must have the same landlord I have."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
"Darling," said the young man to his new bride. "Now that we are married, do you think you will be able to live on my modest income?" "Of course, dearest, no problem," she answered. "But what will you live on?"

» Paper Weapons





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Unidentified publisher 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 9, 2010

We judge of man's wisdom by his hope. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson Wise men put their trust in ideas and not in circumstances. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson You can tell whether a man is clever by his answers. You can tell whether a man is wise by his questions. --- Naguib, Mahfouz One ship sails east, another west, By the self same winds that blow. It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails, That determines the way we go. --- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
Discover my Quick Cash Concept. Generate extra income by simply placing small image ads.
An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird scurried in front of them. Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher replied, "That's a bird of paradise." The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a moment, then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??" ...and the fight was on....
Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over tea. "I do wish that my Elmer would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." "My William used to do the same thing," the older woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "How?" "I hid his teeth." "Serves him right for hiding YOUR teeth so that you couldn't go to the mall."
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e".
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Thanks to Chuck for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Hiho Webby-O! I just returned from a wonderful vacation in the 1000 Islands. One picture I took of a sunset I said I was taking just for you! Here it is attached. Maybe you'd like to use it. I took many more and some were better focused and some had fantastic colors, but I picked this one for ya. I love the newsletter. Hope to run into you some day. Chuck
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, in Augusta, GA Facebook sex talks lead to woman's arrest An Augusta woman was arrested Sunday for allegedly having sexual conversations under multiple aliases with teenagers on Facebook and MySpace, the Augusta Chronicle reports. An argument between the suspect, Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, and her husband, Tony Hamm, brought Richmond County deputies to their home in the 3500 block of Tullocks Hill Drive, according to a Richmond County sheriff's report. Hamm said he found text messages and the social networking accounts that he said his wife was using to talk with young girls. The husband of Zaneta Amoretta Hamm, 42, said he discovered the encounters with the teenagers after finding several text messages and multiple social networking accounts Hamm was using to speak with female teenagers, the paper stated. Hamm told officials her social networking began as an attempt to get her husband’s daughter to open up to her. Charges are pending in the investigation, the paper stated.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Swamprat Re: unidendtified publisher Dear Webby unidendtified publisher OOo_3.2.1_Win_x86_install_en-US.exe When selected to run or not, user acct. control says: "unidendtified publisher". Could you tell me, vhat iss da deel pls. ?? If this is windows, why "unknown" ? Is it SAFE ? Swamprat Dear Swamprat Sounds like Microsoft is in a snit about you installing Open Office. Don't worry, they will get over it. Millions of people and companies use Open Office and won't go back to Microsoft Office ever again. Have FUN! DearWebby
One Sunday during the morning church service our pastor was preaching away and his sermon came to a high point and he asked the question: "What is your problem?" Just as he asked the question a little boy was in the isle, he had started toward the bathroom. Thinking that the preacher was talking to him, the little guy just stopped, looked up at him, and said, "I gotta pee." To say the least the laughter took over and the sermon was never the same after that!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preventing Fruit Flies The best way to avoid fruit fly problem is to water wash all produce, especially bananas, as soon as possible. I put the wet produce on a kitchen towel or paper towel, blot it a bit, and let it sit out until its dries thoroughly. If I have a lot of produce, I use a large tray lined with a towel. Fruit flies lay eggs on produce. The eggs hatch when the fruit and vegetables sits out on the counter. We usually have the problem when I forget to wash any produce or wait a day or two. Use cider vinegar to trap fruit flies. I put some of the vinegar in a wide shallow bowl with a drop or two of liquid dish detergent for hand washing dishes. I don't cover it. You can smell the vinegar but we put up with it for a few days. At night, I put the bowl near the night light in the kitchen. This usually clears up the problem in a few days. Don't forget to keep any produce out of the kitchen until the problem clears up. Source: My future son-in-law. By Mkymlp from PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Trina is very attentive when she goes out on a date. Lately, at a movie she was overheard to say: Trina: "Can you see, dear ? Date: "Yes" Trina: "Is your seat comfortable ?" Date: "Yes" Trina: "Is there a draft on you ?" Date: "No" Trina: "Good ! Let's change seats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Petra had forgotten to get her estrogen patch prescription refilled, and soon the symptoms of menopause--hot flashes, forgetfulness, irritability, short temper, bossiness, aches and pains, etc., etc. returned. Eventually she wound up at the drugstore and was telling the pharmacist all about her problems. After listening patiently, he asked, "So, how many people asked you to get this refilled?"

» Common Cents





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Windows 7 to XP conversion 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 8, 2010

A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his own weight in other people's patience. --- John Updike What music is more enchanting than the voices of young people, when you can't hear what they say? --- Logan Pearsall Smith A person reveals his character by nothing so clearly as the joke he resents." --- G. C. Lichtenberg
Jimmmie came home from school one day, all banged up, bloodied, and bruised. His father asked him what happened and Jimmie said, "Well, dad, it's like this. I challenged Larry to a duel and you know how that goes . . . I gave him his choice of weapons." "Uh huh," said the father. "That seems fair." "I know . . . but I never thought he'd choose his sister!"
"What's your father's occupation?" asked the school teacher. "He's a magician, ma'am," said Little Johnny. "How interesting. What's his favorite trick?" asked the teacher. "He saws people in half," answered Little Johnny. "Wow! That must be amazing to watch," said the teacher. "Do you have any brothers or sisters?" Little Johnny replied, "One half brother and two half sisters."
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version Hi, DearWebby. This is the only lily in bloom in our garden just now, but what a beauty! Guinn
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Jeanne Jones, 22 of Cinnaminson, NJ Walmart robber dropped her purse Jones, 22, of Palmyra, told police that the "devil got into her" when she fled a Cinnaminson Walmart on Monday, after walking out with $266.19 worth of shoplifted goods and a gift card for exchanged items she had never bought. Jeanne Jones, Cinnaminson, NJ The devil really got into Jones when she assaulted a female loss-prevention officer who witnessed the incident on the store's security cameras and tried to stop her as she left, police said. As Jones took off in her car, however, the downfall to her devilish scheme was sitting in the parking lot. Police said that she dropped her pocketbook while roughing it up with Walmart security. In it was her driver's license. Shortly after fleeing, police said, Jones began calling the Walmart, making vague inquiries into the lost pocketbook. "First she was saying something happened to her sister at the store; then she admitted it was her but apologized," Covert said. "She said the devil got into her." Police eventually spoke with Jones over the phone and said that she was very matter- of-fact about her predicament and agreed to surrender. "She said, 'What am I going to be charged with and what's my bail going to be?' " Covert said. She was charged with robbery, theft and shoplifting, and her bail was set at $5,000. Covert said Jones had taken her filled shopping cart to customer service instead of the checkout line and returned items she hadn't paid for yet. The store gave her a gift card, and she walked out with the cart. "We're not talking rocket science here," he said. Last month, a man who used counterfeit bills to post bail in Cinnaminson was re-arrested when he returned to the police station asking for a refund.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Windows 7 to XP Dear Webby The windows support says I should go to XP rather than Vista. Can I delete Windows 7? I have another operating disc for an older version of XP. Should I install that? I am using Firefox instead of IE. Thanks again for your help hank Dear Hank XP is what you are used to, and that would give you the speed that you are used to, so that would be the operating system of choice. Check with the manufacturer and get the XP drivers (if necessary) for that machine. They may play stupid, but since you normally CAN get a machine with W7-Ultimate or W7-PRO, which includes the option to have XP pre-installed, they DO have the drivers. When you run the XP SetUp CD, it automatically formats the drive and wipes out W7, plus everything else you have on the machine. So back up anything that you want to keep onto the net or onto CD/DVD. It makes no difference, how old your XP disk is. The first automatic update will bring it up to date. Have FUN! DearWebby
A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact,I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards farther than I could my last ones."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Old Cookware Lids If you are re-doing your cookware, save the lids if they are in good shape. If not, take a good, long look at those pot handles and lid knobs. A lot of these items are in standard form and interchangeable. I find it so annoying when I buy a set of cookware and the lids need to be exchanged between pots and skillets (as in I am either using the 6 qt pot or using the 12 inch skillet, but I can't cover both at the same time). This holds true for the expensive as well as the inexpensive sets. By Cookwie from Richardson, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver their first baby. As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him. The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is that you have a normal baby boy. The bad news is that it is a cesarean." Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby, but I vas kinda hoping it vould be Svedish!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
MacTavish's little boy was being questioned by the teacher during an arithmetic lesson. "If you had five pounds," said the teacher, "and I asked you for the loan of three pounds, how many would you have left?" "Five," said young MacTavish firmly. "Five?" the teacher said "How do you make it five?" "Well," replied young MacTavish "You can ask for a loan of three pounds, but after what you said at the last Parent-Teacher meeting, just asking for a loan doesn't mean you will get it."

» Wild Flowers





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Search within a page 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, August 7, 2010

Life is too short for traffic. --- Dan Bellack Life is too important to take seriously. --- Corky Siegel When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not Guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt
A Catholic priest, a Protestant minister, and a Jewish rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Life begins," said the priest, "at the moment of fertilization. That is when God instills the spark of life into the fetus." "We believe," said the minister, "that life begins at birth, because that is when the baby becomes an individual and is capable of making its own decisions and must learn about sin." "You're both wrong," said the rabbi. "Life begins when the children have graduated and moved out of the house."
A young woman decided to redecorate her bedroom. She wasn't sure how many rolls of wallpaper she would need, but she knew that her friend next door had recently done the same job and the two rooms were identical in size. "Buffy," she said, "how many rolls of wallpaper did you buy for your bedroom?" "Twenty," said Buffy. So the girl bought the ten rolls of paper and did the job, but she had 12 rolls left over. "Buffy," she said. "I bought twenty rolls of wallpaper for the bedroom, but I've got 12 left over!" "Amazing!" said Buffy. "So did I."
Great deal for you!
Break into blogs
Have you ever thought about becoming a blogger, and have the
whole world eagerly wait for what you have to write?

There are 3 easy ways to get there:
1) Pull a Godiva stunt and make people curious or
2) Spend a Million bucks promoting your name or
3) Get Warner Carter's "Guest Bloggiing For Profit" book.

As a Guest Blogger you don't even have to set up your own blog,
well at least not initially. You simply submit your two bits to popular
blogs, and let them worry about Godiva stunts and promotion.
Gradually people get used to seeing your name on big show-boats,
and start clamoring for you to open your own blog.

Warner Carter not only tells you how to go about it, but includes
lots of links and resources. He already did all the homework
for you. If you like writing, and if you think more than just your
hair dresser should hear about your opinion, get the book and
give yourself a chance!

Guest Bloggiing For Profit

Early birds get some extra books added free.

Click on the picture for the Large Version Iguazu Falls
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Julie Bailey, 38,in LaCrosse, WI Pregnant and drunk robber arrested A drunken, pregnant La Crosse woman is accused of trying to rob a South Side fast-food restaurant for drug money late Tuesday but failing when her weapon became jammed in her shorts. A Taco John's cashier told investigators a heavy-set woman wearing an oversized floral shirt and shorts approached the counter at 1211 Jackson St. about 10:40 p.m. and demanded cash, according to La Crosse police reports. "I want a soft shell, and this is a stickup. Give me all your money," the suspect reportedly told the cashier. The woman tried pulling a hammer from her shorts pocket but could not remove the weapon after tugging on the handle, reports stated. The cashier pressed the restaurant's panic button and called 911. The suspect fled without any money, police said. Julie Bailey, 38, of 934 Jackson St., was arrested a few minutes later with a wooden hammer in her hand after a short foot pursuit. She is facing charges of attempted armed robbery and obstructing officers. According to the La Crosse Tribune, after her roommate threatened to evict her if she didn't come up with money she owed for crack cocaine, and trying to sell an engagement ring back to K-Mart didn't work, Bailey opted for the Taco John's robbery. While in jail, of course all her maternity expenses will be taken care of.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alexa Re: Search within a page Dear Webby Due to lack of patience, I use FireFox. Is there an easy way to search for a word or phrase within a page? Thanks Alexa Dear Alexa Yes, just hit CTRL F and start typing the word or phrase. It will appear down near the status line. The search is double incremental. If it findsthat there is only one word that has the 3 letters, that you just typed, it will ding and show you the part of the page, where that word is, and highlight it. If there are no occasions of that combination of letters, it ill ding and stop you after as little as 3 letters. If there are lots of occasions of a search word, it will it will highlight the first one. CTRL N will show you the Next one. Have FUN! DearWebby
After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed Little Johnny in the chair. "I'm going to buy a tie to wear for the parade," he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes." When Little Johnny's haircut was completed and the man still hadn't returned, the barber said, "Looks like your daddy's forgotten all about you." "That wasn't my daddy," said Little Johnny. "He just walked up, took me by the hand and said, 'Come on, kid, we're gonna get a free haircut!'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trivia At Dinnertime We all have unused games laying around. Some have educational information cards, like Trivia. Take the cards and put a few on the table, next to salt and pepper. Interact at dinner by asking questions, the answers are on the back. You would be surprised how much kids know and how much kids love doing this. When you know all the answers, change them out; pick up more games at yard sales. It's educational and the family does something together, a win-win situation. Source: Restaurant at OBX By Ruayne from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Electricity originates inside clouds. There, it forms into lightning, which is attracted to the Earth by golfers. After entering the ground, the electricity hardens into coal, which, when dug up by power companies and burned in big ovens called 'generators,' turns back into electricity. The power company sells it to consumers who use TV sets to transform it into commercials for beer, which passes through the consumers and back into the ground, thus completing what is known as a 'circuit.'"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
QUESTION: How many church people does it take to change a lightbulb? Charismatics: Only one. Hands are already in the air. Roman Catholics: None. They use candles. Pentecostals: Ten. One to change the light bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians: None. God has predestined when the lights will be on and off. Episcopalians: Eight. One to call the electrician, and seven to say how much better they liked the old bulb. Mormons: Five. One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him when and how to do it. Unitarians: They chose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the light bulb. However, if you have found in your own journey that light bulbs work for you, that is fine. Baptists: At least fifteen. One to change the light bulb,and two or three committees to approve the change. Oh, and also a casserole. Jews: Twenty five. Twelve to make the light bulb maker feel guilty, twelve to make the electrician feel guilty, and a rabbi, of course. Lutherans: None. Lutherans don't believe in change. Methodists: A whole congregation. One to change the light bulb, and the rest of the congregation to be sure that he doesn't backslide.

» Northern Lights





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Long periods of standby or Hibernation 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, August 6, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The male is a domestic animal which, if treated with firmness, can be trained to do most things. --- Jilly Cooper Choice, not chance, determines destiny." --- Socratex
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and un- bothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied:"Sorry, I can't hear a thing. The battery in my hearing aid went dead a many years ago."
A professor was giving a lecture on company slogans in a college advertising and marketing class. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'Come fly the friendly skies'?" "United." Joe answered. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me which company uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" John answered, "Mom."
I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous
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a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not off the handyman! If you rather pay full price, then procrastinate NOW! This ad will be gone tomorrow.

Click on the picture for the Large Version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Natalie M. Tice in Milville, New Jersey woman vows to kill cops, throw feces and have abortion following robbery arrest in Vineland VINELAND — A Millville woman was charged with robbing a New Jersey Transit bus driver and kicking out a police cruiser’s window Sunday afternoon. Natalie M. Tice, 21, of Millville’s Oakview Apartments, punched the 63-year-old bus driver in the head and took $48 from him. The robbery occurred at the Vineland Transportation Center, located at 106 W. Landis Ave. It was reported at 4:26 p.m. The bus driver told police he attempted to prevent Tice from boarding the bus, as she had earlier caused a disturbance while riding on his bus. Tice ignored his request and boarded the bus, then allegedly turned around and punched him, causing a cut to the left side of his head. After Tice was placed under arrest for the robbery, she was put in the rear of a police cruiser as police continued their investigation. Police pepper-sprayed Tice after she ignored an order to stop kicking the cruiser’s rear, passenger-side window. The pepper-spray reportedly had little impact in calming Tice, who kicked out the window a few moments later. Police estimated the damage to the cruiser at $600. Tice allegedly made several threats to kill the police officers involved in the investigation, both during her arrest and while being processed at police headquarters. She also screamed that she was going to defecate in an interview room and hurl feces at the officers, and also indicated she was going to have an abortion so she could claim she had a miscarriage due to the way she was handled following her arrest, according to police. The police report did not indicate if Tice was pregnant. Police recovered $50 from Tice, who was taken to South Jersey Healthcare-Regional Medical Center for evaluation. Tice was charged with robbery and criminal mischief, with bail set at $100,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Guinn Re: Long periods of standby or hibernate Hi, Webby. you say to leave the computer on if it is just for a few hours. While I have a fairly fast computer, it takes some time to come on line after it has been shut down so is it all right to leave it in Standby or Hibernate for longer periods? Guinn Dear Guinn Hibernate is quite OK, but avoid Standby. However, even in Hibernation, it can't defragment or virus-scan. Remember to allocate time for that, just like you allocate some time for an occasional shower. Have FUN! DearWebby
Tell a man something, it goes in one ear and comes out of the other. Tell a woman something, it goes past both of her ears. Whisper something near a woman, it goes in in both her ears and comes out of the mouth of every woman in town.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com re-run from yesterday Desert Gardening Tips I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors look droopy. Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad. Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, and some types of roses which bloom almost all year here with very little care and not much water. So we are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune. By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two voices, male and female, on an overnight "red eye" plane flight: "I think everyone's asleep, let's go" Sound of steps. "This one's empty. No one is looking. You go in first" "It's a bit cramped, let me sit down" "Have you got the condom? Quick, put it on" Sniff sniff "Ah perfume! You think of everything." "This is great..." (long sigh) Static on the loud speaker then a new voice. "This is the captain speaking, to those two people in the rear toilet. We know what you're doing, and it is expressly forbidden by the Government that YOU elected. Now, put those cigarettes out and take the condom off the smoke detector...!" ------------ Actually, the easily visible smoke detector is just a decoy and doesn't work. There is usually another one up in the light fixture. If you are on a long flight and need a smoke, do it like the flight crew: Crouch or kneel in front of the toilet. You will hear wind noise from air escaping down the toilet. That air goes straight outside, and does not go past any smoke detectors or past the noses of anybody who might object to your smoking. The flight crew prefers that you do that, rather than get grouchy at them.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
When the car engine developed a slight knock, Joe asked his wife if she had bought high octane or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the roughness of the engine." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always," Nancy replied. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth."

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More Charter.net email problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, August 5, 2010

Good judgement comes from experience. Experience comes from bad judgement. -- Jim Horning I don't think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -- Samuel Goldwyn These days come and go, but they say nothing, and if we do not use the gifts they bring, they carry them as silently away. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Classmates at college were lamenting the cost of long distance phone service and debating the relative advantages of AT&T, MCI, and Sprint. "I've found CTC to be the cheapest plan around," offered one. "CTC? Who are they?" "You know," he responded, "Call Them Collect."
One day, a foreign family arrived in New York City. This was the first time out of their native village, and it didn't take long before the wife got lost. The husband asked a passerby for help and was told to go to the police and report it. When he got there, a police officer asked him for the wife's description. "What's that?" asked the man. "Well, you see a description is telling what something looks like. For example, my wife is 25-years-old, 5'11", 140 lbs, 38-25-36 measurements. Now, what can you tell me about your wife?" "Maria can wait, lets go look for yours!"
Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.
I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.

I found another great deal for you: 50% off on the famous
14,000 home wood working plans
Click Here!
If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be
a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the Large Version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Michael Dupree in St Petersburg, Florida Convicted Burglar Sues Captors Over Citizen's Arrest A convicted burglar says the man he victimized actually committed battery while performing an unnecessarily rough citizen's arrest. Michael Dupree is serving a 12-year sentence for cocaine possession and burglary after being found guilty of shattering Anthony McKoy's car window and stealing a bicycle from inside his vehicle in St. Petersburg, Fla., in 2007. Michael Dupree putting on the pounds in prison But Dupree is seeking $500,000 and punitive damages for injuries he says he sustained when McKoy and two other men detained him until police arrived, according to the St. Petersburg Times. Dupree swears another man gave him the bike, which he was trying to sell when McKoy and his accomplices confronted him, pulled out a gun, handcuffed him and pinned him to the ground by painfully placing a knee on his spine. According to court documents, the citizen's arrest lead to "permanent disabilities and psychological disorders which the plaintiff continues to suffer." Unsurprisingly, McKoy has a different version of events. He told the paper that after realizing his car window was shattered, he spotted Dupree -- who happened to be naked -- with his bicycle. McKoy and two other men gave chase and put Dupree in a shoulder hold until police arrived. McKoy was stunned after getting served with Dupree's lawsuit. "I thought it was a joke," he said. "I'm the victim."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Charter.net problems Dear Webby, why do i have to have to get your humor letter at gmail i don't like it at all i can't get it set up right you have to sign in every morning i was having problemes with my computer that is why i could not get it throught my charter account Joyce Dear Joyce No, the reason you could not get it through Charter.net is because of the well known gross incompetence at Charter.net. Not your or your computer's fault at all. Those incompetent morons kept bouncing the subscriptions of over 100 of their victims. Just select an email program like Eudora, Pegasus, Outlook, Outlook Express, whatever, and check your Gmail with that. There is a huge selection of email programs at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients A Gmail ADDRESS is just an address. Don't get stuck with the browser-view. The browser view is just ONE of many ways of looking at your mail. That method is for a fast stand-up check while at the contractor's counter at the Home Depot or while visiting a friend. THAT mehtod is fast, but very limited, and just intended for quick peeking while away from YOUR computer. After you have selected an email program, check in the Gmail help how to set up POP email with THAT program. It's actually quite easy and straight-forward. The browser view is like a submarine periscope. Handy under certain conditions, but very awkward and limited, when you are in the harbor and on the surface. Have FUN! DearWebby
Joe's daughter's eighth grade history class planned a visit to the US capital. Unfortunately, she was not greatly enthusiastic about a trip that she considered too "educational" to be fun. However, on their return, Joe was pleased to hear how she and her classmates had been filled with awe and emotion as they gazed at the Washington Monument. "To think, dad," she marveled. "We were standing right where Forrest Gump stood."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Desert Gardening Tips I live in the Southwest desert and it was costing an arm and a leg to water my plants even though we have no lawn and plant desert adapted versions of plants. Trying to water sparingly just killed the plants and made the survivors look droopy. Finally, I bit the bullet and put in a drip system, which in the summer we run at night to reduce evaporation. Our water use was cut by 75% and the plants have never looked better. To keep the drip working in this hard water area, every few weeks I pull all the drip tips and soak them in vinegar, or CLR if they are really bad. Some of the desert adapted plants are versions of plants grown elsewhere, such as desert gold peaches, and some types of roses which bloom almost all year here with very little care and not much water. So we are able to have a nice, pretty yard that isn't all cactus, eat fresh fruit, and not spend a fortune. By Chiismychi from Tucson, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past sixteen years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! By the way, who are you?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Son: "Here's my report card, Dad, along with one of your old ones I found in the attic." Dad: "Well, Son, you're right. Your report card isn't any better than mine was. I guess the only fair thing to do is give you exactly the same as what my father gave me to smarten me up, when I brought that one home. Now where is that old mule whip?"

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Turn it off or leave it running? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, August 4, 2010

Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame." --- Benjamin Franklin Today's public figures can no longer write their own speeches or books, and there is some evidence that they can't read them either. --- Gore Vidal
One day Father Boudreaux and Father Thibodeaux wus fishin on da side of da road. So as not a make it obvius that they were fishing, they hung a big religious poster over a highway sign. Actually it was da back offa Madonna poster and dey had hand lettered on it: "The End is Near! Turn yurself 'Round now afore it's too late!" Well, dis one car dat passed didn't appreciate the sign an da driver wus shouting at dem and hollerin "Go to hell, you religious nuts!" Den all of a sudden dey heard a big splash, an dey looked at each other, an Fr. Boudreaux said ..... "ya think it's mebbee bad luck ta hang a Madonna poster onn da 'Bridge Out' sign?"
Thanks to Rollie for this one: A herd of buffalo can move only as fast as the slowest buffalo. When the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first. This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members. In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol,we all know, kills brain cells, but naturally it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. Thasch why you alwaysch feel scho schmart affer a few beers.
Looks like all three subcribers, who want to loose significant weight
before the reunion, have grabbed the Fat Burning Furnace book.
I might bring that link back some day, but for now it is gone.

I found another great deal: 50% off on the famous
14,000 home wood working plans
Click Here!
If they don't let you work with wood anymore, it would be
a great present for your favorite handyman, at a rare 50% off!
Off the cost of the book, not the handyman!

Thanks to Janina for this picture: Large Version Dear Webby, This poor dragonfly was dropped by one of the birds who tried to have it for dinner in our yard but was challenged for it - the birds both lost out but I got a nice photo op :>)) Looked so nice, thought I'd share with you. Thanks for your great advice and humor each day! Janina
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to the Hopital staff at Sundsvall, Sweden Hospital charges man for sewing his wound himself after too long a wait in ER A 32-year-old took the needle into his hands when he tired of the wait at Sundsvall hospital in northern Sweden and sewed up the cut in his leg himself. The man was later reported to the police for his impromptu handiwork. "It took such a long time," the man told the local Sundsvall Tidning daily. The man incurred the deep cut when he sliced his leg on the sharp edge of a kitchen stove while he was renovating at home. "I first went to the health clinic, but it was closed. So I rang the medical help line and they told me that it shouldn't be closed, so I went to emergency and sat there," the man named only as Jonas told the newspaper. After an hour-long wait in a treatment room, he lost patience and proceeded to sew up his own wound. "They had set out a needle and thread and so I decided to take the matter into my hands," he said. Hospital staff were not as pleased by his initiative and have reported the man on suspicion of arbitrary conduct for having used hospital equipment without authorization. While Jonas admitted to the newspaper that he has no prior experience of sewing himself up, he sought to play down the fuss that his handiwork has caused, arguing that "through the ages people have always sewn themselves up". --------------- I sure have, until I learned the magic of Crazy-Glue and DuckTape!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Clyde Re: Turn off, or leave it running? Dear Webby, Is it better to turn off every night or let things run until there is another reason? Clyde Dear Clyde That depends on how much you use your computer. If it is used for work 10 or more hours a day, then it is better to leave it running, so that your Diskeeper can defrag it and your anti-virus program can scan it while you sleep. However, if you are just using it for a few hours a day, then it is better to turn it off. Have FUN! DearWebby
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" "Sir, you stepped away from the counter," said the cashier. "We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank." "Well, ok," answered the customer. "Just thought you'd like to know that you gave me an extra twenty. Bye."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fresh Mint for Air Freshener I use fresh mint from my overgrown mint patch for air freshener. I gather a small handful and crush it up a bit, put a couple of bread ties or rubber band around it and hang it from the light fixture of the ceiling fan. I also put one hanging in front of the box fan. It leaves a really great smell, free and green. By cheep_livin from Brownsville, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Getting away from their high-stress jobs, a couple spends relaxing weekends in their motor home. When they found their peace and quiet disturbed by well-meaning, but unwelcome, visits from other campers, they devised a plan to assure themselves total privacy. Now, when they set up camp, they place this sign on the door of their RV: "Insurance agent. Ask about our term-life package."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "OOOPS!."

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StrikeOut 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, August 3, 2010

You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller If you aren't fired with enthusiasm, you will be fired with enthusiasm. --- Vince Lombardi A bachelor is a selfish, undeserving guy who has cheated some woman out of a divorce. --- Don Quinn
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, probably less than half of them."
Apparently nobody is interested in the Secret 11 Laws either. Well, if nobody is interested, I am not donating space for it. I'll try to find a different treat for tomorrow.
The psychiatrists were attending their first seminar on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the speaker, "Mr. Nichols, what is the opposite of joy?" "Sadness," said the student. "And the opposite of depression, Ms. Biggs?" "Elation." "And you sir, how about the opposite of woe?" Bubba replied, "I believe that would be giddy-up."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Ad on the back of a bus in Amsterdam
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Robert Grimstad, 38, in Des Moines, Iowa Drunk driving on lawn mower, at night An Iowa man ended up in jail after he was pulled over for driving on a motorway at night with no lights - on a lawn mower. Robert Grimstad, 38, was allegedly driving all over Highway 17, near Des Moines, when he was stopped by sheriff's deputies. He told police officers that he was out on his six-speed lawn mower picking up cans out of community spirit. But officers smelt alcohol on his breath, gave him a blood test and charged him with drunk driving, reports the Des Moines Register. Boone County Sheriff Ron Fehr says it's illegal in Iowa to drive any kind of motor vehicle anywhere in Iowa while drunk.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cookie Re: Strike-out Dear Webby, This morning I was writing a friend and put in 'Happy Monday' and I wondered if there was a way to put slash marks or x's through those words as a spoof. You know you could still see what was written but it would be x'd or slashed through. Thanks againg and have a wonderful day. Cookie Dear Cookie Do you mean strikeout ? Along with Bold, Italic, and Underlined, Strikeout is one of the four basic "decorations", and all decent word processors and email programs have it included. In HTML you use the STRIKE tag. Have FUN! DearWebby
"May I take your order?" the waiter asked. "Yes, how do you prepare your chickens?" "Nothing special sir," he said. "A short prayer and then we just tell them straight out that they're going to die."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shop Once a Week Shopping only once a week and going to the store on your busiest day is the key to spending less on groceries. Over the past few months I have stuck to a simple rule: Grocery shopping once a week. By Bella Swan from Forks, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A teacher was upset that one little boy was swearing in class. "Todd," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear those words?" "My daddy says that," Todd replied. "Well, that doesn't matter," the teacher explained. "I don't want to hear that language in here again." Turning away, the teacher muttered "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too!" the little boy replied. "It means the car won't start!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Doctor: "Have you ever been troubled by appendicitis?" Patient: "Only when I've tried to spell it."

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Cleaning a digital camera 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, August 2, 2010

In order to succeed beyond your wildest expectations, first you need some wild expectations. --- Socratex Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. --- Carl Bard
insurance company. Sandy spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth." There was a long pause, and then Sandy replied, "If that's how it works, cancel the life insurance policy on my husband!"
Get The 11 Forgotten Laws Law Of Attraction, The Secret, etc. This is BIG stuff! Don't try it unless you have at least temporary access to high speed to download it. Normally $300 or more. With this link, you can get the whole course for $97, or try it for a week for $5. I will only have this link for one day. Get The 11 Forgotten Laws
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" raised a hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to dad for this picture: It's just a small man-made pond to store water for snow-making in winter, but it sure looks pretty! If you want to look up on Google Earth where he had gone to yesterday, the location is: 47° 03.839',9° 58.488' Pictures from that trip are at http://dawna.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Boris Simonov in Moscow, Russia Threw money into the wind A Russian official suspected of accepting bribes threw more than $313,000 out of his car window during a police chase in Moscow. Fisheries Agency official Boris Simonov frantically flung 10 million roubles into the wind after he crashed his Cadillac, local media reported. The state-run First Channel television showed scores of large-denomination rouble notes being collected by police beside a thoroughfare in south-central Moscow. The TV program showed two suspects handcuffed and lying on the road beside the smashed-up Cadillac. The crash happened as they were being chased by Federal Security Service agents on a busy Moscow highway. Mr Simonov and his boss, Roman Postnikov, are accused of having taken bribes from businessmen involved in selling fishing permits at reservoirs on the outskirts of Moscow. The arrested officials worked for the Federal Fisheries Agency and it is alleged the businessmen used bribes to obtain an illegally back-dated contract. Both fishery officials will be jailed for two months pending further investigation, the committee said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Cleaning a digital camera Dear Webby, You have so many helpful hints, how about one for cleaning my digital camera casing? It has quite a few years of grime, sticky hands belonging to grandkids and myself, smog, etc. I've wiped it with a wet cloth but it seems to be stickier. having lots of fun, Patricia Dear Patricia A soft cloth well dampened with Windex or a Citrus based household cleaner works well, even on the lens. Well washed torn up old t-shirts make great camera rags. Have FUN! DearWebby
An English professor announced to the class: "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "Like, what word is gross and which one is cool ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Break Your Dishwasher Tabs In Half Make your dishwasher tabs go twice as far! Buy only the dishwasher detergent in tablet form so it can be broken in half. Use just one half for each load unless running a very soiled load. Dishes get just as clean and the box lasts twice as long! Also, there is a $2.25 coupon for these tabs on a regular basis that often coincides with a grocery store special. Source: My frugal self - just tried it a few times and was convinced! By Nan from Charlotte http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Only in Oklahoma can you hear.... "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." "Sorry, we only got Pepsi"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
"How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan. His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" whimpered the driver. "What happened to my boat and six cases of beer in it?"

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Scheduling hard drive defragging 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, August 1, 2010

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. --- P. J. O'Rourke "Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact." --- William James
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the Big pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the little pink pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
Recently, in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Steven Melendez, 24, in Mansfield Ohio PUI Pushing a stroller while intoxicated MANSFIELD, Ohio -- A Mansfield man is facing unusual charges for pushing his children in a stroller while he was intoxicated. 24-year-old Steven Melendez says his sons,who are one and three years-old, mean the world to him. However, Melendez concedes he had been drinking when he put the boys in a stroller and went to pick up a money order near their home on Monday. Melendez tells Fox 8 "stupidly after having a couple of drinks you know I shouldn't be going out but I was trying to make sure I had the money and stuff and got it so I had everything that day. I went out and about and was headed there to get the money and the cops stopped me." After receiving a 911 call from a concerned resident, Mansfield Police arrested Melendez on charges of child endangering and public intoxication. Police say he passed out when they took him to the Richland County Jail to be booked, and he had to be taken to a nearby hospital for treatment. Melendez says "point blank I was wrong, I shouldn't have went out and had anything to drink, I mean I wasn't stumbling stupid drunk or nothing but you know it happened, it's over. I've just got to go and do what I have to do to deal with it." Melendez says he is now taking steps to treat his drinking problem.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Defragmenting the hard drive Dear Webby, Thank you for the wonderful humor today. What a great way to start the day. I just installed Diskeeper trial version today. I looked at their help sedction bur got more confused. Hpw do I know if it is automatically defragementing at all times? I think I saw "automatic defrag" checked but am not sure if it is running. Also should i do a manual defrag every so often as I was used to doing theur "my computer"? Thanks again for your fun & tips. Have a purrfect day, Sharon Dear Sharon When you got it set to automatically defragment whenever the screen saver comes on, then of course you will never SEE it in action. You will simply notice that the computer is getting faster every day. It is a good idea to do one manually set defrag first. Just set it to start at a time when you are not using the computer, because all that shuffling around will temporarily slow it down a bit. While it is doing that, you will see an activity icon in the task bar. After that, set it to automatically defrag whenever the screen saver comes on. Have FUN! DearWebby
During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The bishop rose to close the session and remarked, "That's okay. We all like big boobs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "No Boredom Bag" For Car Trips For car trips with kids, I make a "no boredom bag". It can be a backpack, or any bag, but ones with pockets are good. It depends on what age as to what you put in it, but I usually put the following for my 9 year old: 4-5 coloring/activity books, a book to read, a small pack of crayons, a small pack of markers, a small MagnaDoodle, various snacks, a spill-proof cup, wet wipes, some car games, and an mp3 player. Most of it can be bought at the dollar store, and can be mixed and matched according to the child's preferences and ages, and it solves the "Are we there yet?" and "I'm so bored!" comments. By blueflye from ID http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

That joke above reminds me of Nancy, who is rather top-heavy. Nancy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. Her downward vision of course was blocked, and she was in a hurry fumbling the belt. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always wear it looped through your steering wheel?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?"

» Railway Pictures





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Reading bookmarks 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 31, 2010

I have left orders to be awakened at any time in case of national emergency, even if I'm in a cabinet meeting. --- Ronald Reagan The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, "'Do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'' ''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, they're all mine.'' The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your possession?'' ''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those items, I would have used them by now.''
Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to the Kato family in Tokyo, Japan Tokyo's oldest man dead for 30 years On the occasion of Sogen Kato’s 111th birthday, officials in Tokyo, Japan wanted to pay the oldest man in the city a visit to celebrate his amazing milestone. But when they arrived at the home, they were turned away by Mr. Kato’s granddaughter, who told them, “My grandfather is well, but he’s refused to meet with anyone.” On Wednesday, the granddaughter went to police and told them the truth: Mr. Kato had been dead for at least 30 years, and was still in his bedroom. His mummified remains were lying in bed, wearing long underwear and covered by a blanket. A newspaper from 1978 was by his side. His family said Mr. Kato had taken to his room 30 years ago in an effort to be like Buddha and refused to eat or drink, the Daily Mainichi News reported. “He shut himself in a first-floor room about 30 years ago in line with his doctrines, refusing to take food or water. When we looked inside the room in March this year, we saw the skeletal remains of our grandfather,” a granddaughter told police. Mr. Kato lived with his daughter, 81, son-in-law, 83, and two grandchildren, 49 and 53. His wife died in 2004 at the age of 101. Police are now investigating the family on fraud charges, as a US$110,000 survivor’s pension was claimed in Mr. Kato’s name. Police also say US$31,000 was withdrawn from Mr. Kato’s account this month.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Reading bookmarks Dear Webby, Saving a list of bookmarks is a great idea. Now I can save the list to my desktop then cut and paste them into a document and print them to study offline. My question is this: how can I get these bookmarks to display the URL without having to go to each one and open it? 'Nita Dear Nita By default, the bookmarks are saved in HTML format, the language that browsers understand. When you click on the shortcut to the exported bookmarks, FireFox, or whatever browser you use, opens the bookmarks file. When you hover over a link, it shows you the URL in the status line. (If you got Status Line checkmarked in VIEW). If you open the bookmarks file with Open Office Write, it pops a thumbnail with the URL whenever you hover the cursor over a Link I don't know of a free program, that will split links into Title and URL. However, once you have the bookmarks file open in Open Office Write, you can right-click a link, select COPY HYPERLINK LOCATION, move the cursor beside it, and hit CTRL V to paste the URL. Have FUN! DearWebby
Sue gave her hubby a state-of-the-art metal detector. He excitedly took his new toy to the back yard to try it out. When he scattered some change on the ground, it seemed to work fine. Then, even when he wasn't near the coins, the thing kept going off. Over and over, he adjusted and re-adjusted with no luck. After watching him for a while, Sue said, "I think I know what's wrong." "I know what I'm doing!" he snapped back. After 20 minutes, he finally turned to her. "Okay, what's wrong?" Sue said, "You're standing over the buried oil tank."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Paper Towels If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish towels and avoid using paper towels at all! By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Back in the 1960s we didn't have the space station buzzing around within rifle range of the mountains to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy old moon. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe, you just had to hope your axe was better than his. In my day you couldn't take basket weaving or acting instead of math. And that was before they invented calculators! If you couldn't calculate the trajectory of an intercontinental missile with a pencil and paper, well, then you just repeated Grade 6 until you could. It's actually not that hard if you know a bit of trig. In my day, we didn't have school buses. We had to hitch a ride on a dinosaur or wrap barb wire around our feet for traction and walk to school 5 Miles, and it was all uphill. Both ways!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

» Asphalt Volcanoes





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Hotmail Limits 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 30, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to make a sailor blush. --- Socratex
Max dies and leaves Sadie with a total of $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just after Max died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $5,000. And of course, I made a donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Vayismere! How big is it?" "Three carats."
Don't worry about everybody learning the tricks in this book. So far not a single subscriber has been able to scrape together the $30 for this big cook book. It seems to be priced to keep those BBQ Competition Secrets a secret of a very small elite. Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
Gina was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. Gina told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at Gina very carefully and very slowly and deliberately asked: "Does she like you?"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Anthony Lee, 49, from North Yorkshire, England Tried to sell the Ritz An out-of-work truck driver has been jailed for five years for trying to sell London's exclusive Ritz Hotel for £250 million. Anthony Lee had persuaded a financier and a property dealer that he was an associate of the Barclay brothers, the hotel's owners, reports the BBC. In what the judge called 'an elaborate and outrageous scam', Lee intimated that the brothers had secret reasons for selling their hotel and wanted to do it through a third party. The two interested buyers handed over a deposit of £1m, but when the sale failed to go through, it was never returned. By the way, Sandy from near the town of Geelong, featured in yesterday's Bonehead Award, told me that Geelong is in Victoria, not Tasmania. Sorry about that!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cleta Re: Hotmail Limits WEBBY, I HAVE A MSN ADDRESS BUT ALL OF MY E-MAILS GO THRU HOTMAIL. CAN YOU PLEASE TELL ME HOW HOTMAIL CAN TELL ME THAT I HAVE SENT ENOUGH E-MAILS FOR TODAY. THAT I CAN'T SEND ANYMORE FOR 24 HOURS, UNLESS I PAY THEM 19.99. THEN I CAN SEND 300 OF THEM IF I WANTED TO. THANK YOU VERY MUCH WEBBY. CLETA Dear Cleta I have no idea what kind of games they play in that sandbox, and I have NEVER in my life paid for emails. Considering that you can get Earthlink high speed DSL for $14.95 a month, and nobody giving a hoot about how many emails you send, it would be rather silly to wait with graduating from the sandbox. Earthlink is just an example off the top of my head. They are at http://www.earthlink.net/access/ check if they are available in your neck of the woods. If you shop around, you might find even better deals. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of a child's temper tantrum at the supermarket last 20 times as long as the two hours of her nap time.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Paper Towels If you don't have a salad spinner and use paper towels to dry lettuce, reuse the paper towels! Just drape them over a drying rack. They dry very quickly. Then fold them up and store with your kitchen linens until the next salad. You can also dry lettuce in clean dish towels and avoid using paper towels at all! By Stephanie from Anchorage, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. Some people make things happen, some watch things happen, some wonder what the heck happened.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Boudreaux left the bayou and moved to Arkansas and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey died last night." "Sacri-Bleu" said Boudreaux, "den gimme my money back." "I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already." "OK, den. Jus' unload dat donkey." "What are you gonna do with him?" "Hi ham gon-to raffle him off." "You can't raffle a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!" "Well dats where you wrong.! You wait you an' you learn how smart we Cajuns are!" A month later the farmer ran into the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "Hi raffled dat donkey off. Hi sold 1000 tickets at two dollar apiece and made too towsend buck. Dat was enough for a old JonDeere with a bucket, an hi use dat to bury your dead donkey." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Jus dat guy who won. So Hi give him his two dollar back. You got any more donkey?"

» Rural America





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Why not Auto-Renew Anti-Virus programs? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, July 29, 2010

"One man with courage makes a majority." --- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) "What a new face courage puts on everything!" --- Ralph Waldo Emerson Courage is the triumph of integrity over fear. --- Socratex
The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets, weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
I found a prize deal for you! Competition BBQ Secrets A barbecue instruction manual for the serious competitor and the back yard barbeque gourmet. Learn how to slow smoke ribs, chicken, butts, brisket, and turkey too! There is more to life than hamburgers! Click Here for the BBQ Secrets Book!
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she whispered. "It's truly amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $49.95."
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Eilish De Avalon, 40, in Geelong, Australia Your laws don't apply to me! A SELF-PROCLAIMED witch in Geelong, Tasmania told a traffic cop she was not subject to earthly laws as she was "a being from another world". "Your laws and penalties don't apply to me. I'm not accepting them, I'm sorry, I must go, thank you," Eilish De Avalon said, driving off with the officer's arm caught in her driver's side door. The alien defence was played out in Geelong Magistrates' Court yesterday when De Avalon, who had also told police she "had a universal name that is not recognised here", pleaded guilty to recklessly causing serious injury, dangerous driving and driving while suspended, using a mobile phone while driving and failing to stop on police request on February 23. "De Avalon was a suspended driver and that is why she took off," Leading Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said. The court heard that the policeman had feared for his life when De Avalon drove off with his right arm pinned in her car window. Senior Constable Geoff Lamb said De Avalon ignored repeated calls to stop and instead accelerated, reaching up to 60km/h as she dragged Leading Senior Constable Andrew Logan 190m along busy Moorabool St. De Avalon had only stopped after being forced to slow in traffic and the officer grabbed the keys from her ignition. De Avalon, 40, a marriage celebrant, of Victory Way, Highton, had initially been stopped after she was seen using a mobile phone while driving about 10.40am.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marnie Re: Auto-renew McAfee or not? Dear Webby, At my last job they were quite fanatic and insistent about turning OFF the Auto-Renew for McAfee, but I forgot the reason why, or if I have ever been told the reason. What is the point of that? Marnie Dear Marnie yes, most definitely turn the Auto-Renew OFF. They nag and pester you to renew anyway, when the time comes. If you don't turn the Auto-Renew off, they keep automatically renewing THAT subscription for years, long after that computer has been turned into a geranium box. If new machines come with a trial version pre-installed, you don't usually bother to figure out how to transfer the license from the old one. Eventually you wind up with automatically renewed licenses for a whole bunch of geranium planters and garage decorations. It is a bit tricky, but unused licenses CAN be transferred, however, you don't get a refund if you retire a computer, that just has had it's license auto-renewed. So it is best to turn the Auto-Renew off and just renew manually when it is actually due for renewal. Have FUN! DearWebby
By chance, John Smith witnessed a mugging. About an hour later, the cops arrived, and the officer in charge asked the witness his name. "John Smith," said Smith. "Cut the funny business," the cop barked sharply. "What's your real name?" "All right," said Smith, "put me down as Albert Einstein." "That's more like it," said the man in blue. "You can't fool ME with that John Smith stuff."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Electricity Continuity in Your Freezer If you travel often, even if only for a weekend, there is a chance your electricity may go off. If so, when you get home, you won't know if the food in your freezer has been thawed and then frozen again. In order to know, put 2 or 3 ice cubes in a baggie in the freezer. When you come home, check that baggie. If there is a frozen puddle, you'll know the electricity was off long enough to defrost your food. You may not want to keep those pork chops! With digital clocks being so sophisticated now, they may not blink anymore after a power outage, so the only way you'd know is if you check your little ice bag. By Candace from Scottsdale, AZ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Then he told everyone that his daughter was working on a year's research project in India. "What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that makes your kids want to get THAT far away from you ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4- car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!" (a novena is a rather lengthy set of prayers)

» Fancy Edibles





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Problem with OE receiving, but not able to send email 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, July 28, 2010

If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm. --- Elizabeth Bowen Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. --- Mark Twain
Arnie came into school looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."
A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready -- all dressed up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shoots back into the house. Not wanting their often-rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with the mop to get her to come out!" The cab driver almost hit a parked car.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 40 year old female shoplifter in Barrie, Ontario Thanks to Jackie for sending in this one: Applicant can add ‘shoplifting’ to resume Job hunter stole clothes from store where she interviewed Don't leave your resume behind at the scene of the crime. Barrie cops didn't have to look too hard for an alleged shoplifter who was hunting for a job at the same time over the weekend. The 40-year-old woman was at a Bayfield St. store for a job interview but after meeting the store manager and handing over her resume, the woman was spotted on store security cameras lifting several items, police said. She bolted with the items and the store manager, who was in the backroom at the time, called the cops. Barrie Police attended the store and, as they say in their press release, "easily identified the thief using her resume." No kidding. Investigators sifting through security footage also found the woman had been in the store the previous day. Police allege she is on video stealing the clothing that she wore for her job interview. The unidentified woman has been charged with two counts of theft under $5,000.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Can't send mail with Outlook Express Dear Webby, I am having problems with my PC. I can receive mail with OE but can't send. I can use GMail to send and receive. The power was off for three hours and that is when my problems began. I had the DSL guys out here (2 of them). They said the problem is with my PC as they could recieve ok with their laptops hooked up to my modem. Should I continue just using gmail or have the PC taken to the Dr.? Thanks for your help. hank Dear Hank Those clowns are clueless! If you can receive but not send, then your modem is OK and you either 1) have the wrong SMTP Server named in the email program set-up or 2) the SMTP server of your ISP has a problem authenticating you. With DSL you are normally authenticated by the DSL modem, but you can play with that setting in your email program and toggle "Allow Authentication" on or off. You didn't mention who the clowns are working for, but it would probably be a very good idea to set your Gmail to POP and process it with your OE. Instructions are here: Set OE for Gmail POP Your Gmail address is a lifetime address, and you won't have to change your address every time you change ISPs. Then you can tell the clowns to just forward your mail to your Gmail address Have FUN! DearWebby
Here is a much requested classic: A lady picked up several items at a discount store. When she finally got up to the check-out, she learned that one of her items had no price tag. Imagine her embarrassment when the checker got on the intercom and boomed out for all the store to hear,"PRICE CHECK ON LANE THIRTEEN, TAMPAX, SUPER SIZE." That was bad enough, but somebody at the rear of the store apparently misunderstood the word "Tampax" for "THUMBTACKS." In a business-like tone, a voice boomed back over the intercom. "DO YOU WANT THE KIND YOU PUSH IN WITH YOUR THUMB OR THE KIND YOU POUND IN WITH A HAMMER?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Panty Hose to Keep Ceiling Fan Clean An easy way to keep ceiling fans clean. Cut the legs off old pantyhose and put one on each blade, stretching them until the whole blade is covered. You'll have extra at the motor end so twist this until it's a tight roll then tuck it back into the "leg". When the pantyhose gets dusty, just remove and wash. We live on the edge of a gibber desert where it's very dusty so our fans are always dressed in their best. No longer plain white, they look very colourful. They're currently wearing purple and black. Works well in the city also, where fans pick up city grime. By magicalmarilyn from Millstream, Western Australia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice. "What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all into one."

» Brain Buckets





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Save all bookmarks at once 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, July 27, 2010

A computer will not make a good manager out of a bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster and a bad manager worse faster. ---Edward M Esber "Manners are like the zero in arithmetic; they may not be much in themselves, but they are capable of adding a great deal to the value of everything else." --- Freya Stark
Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar. They're both frozen in their tracks. The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my running shoes today." "It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the second. "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU," he answers, as he takes off.
Overheard in the elevator: Two sure ways to spot a REALLY sexy man (or woman) The first is, he (or she) has bad memory. ...... I forgot the second.
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.


If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, in Penryn, California Man broke into bar, served patrons PENRYN, Calif. (UPI) -- Police in Penryn, Calif., said a transient who is well known to deputies broke into a bar and served customers for a couple of days before being found out. The Valencia Club went out of business in June but Travis Lloyd Kevie, 29, opened it back up July 16, complete with an "Open" sign in the window, the Sacramento Bee reported. Kevie served an estimated 30 customers a day during the weekend, the newspaper said. The reopening apparently was newsworthy in the area, as the Auburn (Calif.) Journal even carried an item in which Kevie was quoted as saying it was "a dream come true" for him to operate the club. Placer County Sheriff's Detective Jim Hudson happened to see the news item and recognized Kevie. Hudson went to the club Wednesday and determined Kevie had no liquor license. Kevie was arrested on suspicion of burglary and selling alcohol without a license, the Bee said. Kevie had worked on a crew brought in to clean the building after the Valencia Club was shut down. Investigators said Kevie bought a six-pack of beer at a convenience store and then used money from selling the beer to buy more alcohol -- continuing to build the business until he had "10 to 12 bottles of hard liquor and a couple of cases of beer." Police said they confiscated a large of amount of cash and alcohol from the bar. If he had obtained a license, he would have gotten away with it at least until rent was due.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Saving FireFox bookmarks Dear Webby I have been trying to save all my bookmarks, and I cannot figure it out. Saving one by one would be time consuming, do you know a shortcut? Thanks again, Jai Dear Jai 1. Open Firefox. 2. Select Bookmarks > Organize Bookmarks. 3. The Bookmarks Manager opens. Click File > Export… 4. Save the bookmark.html file wherever you wish. Desktop, CD, Floppy, Memory Stick, Online, anywhere. Have FUN! DearWebby
David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, yes, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks ..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Watering Down Your Summer Drinks Instead of watering down your soft drinks with ice cubes, I use soda that has gone flat and freeze it in an ice cube tray. I also make extra iced tea, and do the same thing. Never again do I have watery drinks. Try it. It will make a big difference. By Wayne from St Albans, NY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Pete and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Pete says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys wheeled around with her hands on her hips and demanded: "Who told you about us?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be driven over and even dropped from a plane. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."

» Fancy Cakes





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Clean your computer for better speed 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, July 26, 2010

Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand. --- Leo Durocher I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. --- Bruce Lee
Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping address of their customers to make them fit on the printed labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently was not amused when the label on their box displayed, "Ass Of God Church".
It was little Harry's first visit to the country, and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Late one evening he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard, feathers spread beautifully in all its glory. Rushing indoors excitedly, Harry called out for his grandma. . . . "Gramma, Gramma, come see! Come see!" he exclaimed. "One of your chickens is in bloom!"
Become A Fat Burning Furnace
Click Here!
Don't worry, the link opens in a separate page.
This method is quite legit, and it works, even on me!
It is a method, not a diet or pills.

Large version of the picture Dad hiked over a mountain and came down from the pass into a mountain village, where they happened to have a horse & carriage parade. So he took a whole bunch of pictures. I put them up onto his site at http://dawna.com
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to three women in Springfield, Missouri Diners flee without paying, but forget purses SPRINGFIELD, Mo. (AP) - A dine-and-dash escapade went bad when two of the fleeing diners left their purses behind. The Springfield News-Leader reported that no charges had been filed as of midweek against the three women who ran from a Waffle House restaurant Sunday morning without paying their $39 bill. The general manager said the women seemed intoxicated or under the influence of drugs. The Springfield paper said a short time after fleeing, one of the women returned to the store and demanded the purses. The manager said he told the woman she needed to wait for police to arrive, but she ran. A police report said the purses contained identifying documents, along with what appeared to be a check stub from another Waffle House in Arkansas.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: D. Re: Computer cleaning controversy Dear Webby I remember you usually rant and rave and get quite obnoxious, when anybody mentions using compressed air for cleaning. Got a mail where somebody suggests unplugging the computer and using compressed air and a paintbrush to clean the inside. What's the official word? D. Dear D. Anybody who suggests unplugging a computer for cleaning, has not yet graduated from cleaning toasters. If you unplug your computer, then there is nothing to drain the static electricity to safe ground. Turn it off, sure, but leave it plugged in! That way, all the static on you from dragging the cats across the carpet, is safely conducted away and zeroed the moment you touch the case. Don't worry, there is no dangerous electricity in the computer, ecept in that shiny, pop-riveted power supply box in the corner. The same goes for the vauum cleaner hose. Any static that may be on it, is safely zeroed though YOU, even if you don't first touch the outside of the case with it, because most likely you got the other hand resting on the computer case, and not combing your bee-hive wig while cleaning the computer. Using compressed air is only recommended by compressed air salespeople, those, who want to sell you a new computer, optometrists who want to get paid for digging grit out of your eyes, and juveniles, who get off on "huffing" canned air. Unlike a vacuum cleaner, compressed air does not get rid of anything. It just temporarily moves it out of sight, or into your eyes. That is rather silly, even when cleaning toasters. After vauuming out the dust bunnies and dust, do NOT try to generate static by stroking the plastic CPU fan shroud with a paint brush! Try those experiments with your cats instead. Unclip the fan shrouds. That can be a bit tricky, similar to opening child proof medicine bottles and may have to be delegated to a kid. However, they ALL unclip without fancy tools, if you gently push in the right places. Then take the shroud and fan/heatsink assembly out and vacuum it thoroughly. Often the heat sink has a white grease on one side, where it touches the CPU. Try not to get that side dirty or cleaned off. It does need that heatsink grease. If you accidentally cleaned it off, you can get tiny tubes of it at the Radio Shack, electronics stores and many computer stores. You don't need a lot of it, just enough to level the microscopic imperfections in the surface of the chip. Half a match-head is usually too much. If the heat sink, that shiny ribbed piece of metal, is clogged or dirty, clean it with a Q-Tip and Windex until it looks shiny and new again. Your CPU is only as good as the heat sink allows it to be. If it is dirty or clogged, the CPU heats up and shifts down in speed. All the silly speeder-upper software in the world won't accomplish what a minute or two with a wet Q-Tip can do. If the CPU fan blades are dirty, clean them the same way. It runs a lot quieter when the blades are clean and shiny. Then snap the heat sink / fan assembly back on, snap the shroud over it, check all the pretty colored cables to make sure they are still firmly plugged in, and close the lid. That is all there is to it. If you do have some cans of compressed air sitting around, empty them out the window and heave them into the garbage, so that they will never tempt a juvenile to experiment how close to dying they can get with huffing. Have FUN! DearWebby
Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry- cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more times and we can pay the phone bill!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Share Your "Buy One Get One Free" Purchases If you take advantage of the buy one get one free option (when it truly is a bargain) offered in some stores, why not think about sharing the second one with an elderly neighbor trying to live on a fixed income, or the family down the street who's trying to make it on unemployment through job loss? Sharing works both ways, and you never know when you may need a helping hand yourself. By Marie from West Dundee, IL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he intoned as he wrote on his form.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, Johnny hijacked the plane, and handed it in as HIS homework!"

» Cloud Castles





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OE mail disappeared 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, July 25, 2010

Progress is made by lazy men looking for an easier way to do things. --- Socratex
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender asks him, "You know, a pint goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a time." The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together." The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there. The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way: He orders three pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders two pints. All the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs. "Oh, no," he says, "everyone's fine. It's just me, I have quit drinking."
On her first day the new kindergarten teacher said, "If anyone has to go to the bathroom, hold up two fingers." A little voice from the back of the room asked, "How will that help?"
The Magic of Making Up
Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
even if you don't need to make up with anybody
right now. Might come in handy in the future!
Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce. Click Here!
Last day for this offer. This is a book that should be in every home, just in case. I sincerely hope, you don't pass on this.
Large version of the picture That looks like the spot in the Little Colorado Canyon, where I lost my yellow cap.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to Danny Noel Riggs, 42, Tip Toe Tanning owner arrested for burglary of customers' vehicles FORT WALTON BEACH — The owner of Tip Toe Tanning was arrested Thursday after video footage revealed him burglarizing customers’ vehicles, according to lawmen. Danny Noel Riggs, 42, is charged with five counts of burglary, according to a news release from n Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. Deputies received complaints from Riggs’ customers who suspected him of stealing money and other items from vehicles parked at his business on Beal Parkway. On Thursday, an undercover unit used video surveillance to record Riggs burglarizing two vehicles. One of them belonged to an undercover officer, the release said. The officer went to Tip Toe Tanning and paid to use a stand-up tanning booth. The officer then placed her bag and money in the car, the release said. Riggs entered the car and stole $60 cash and $10 in change, the release said. After burglarizing the vehicle, Riggs went back into the tanning salon, where another deputy arrested him. He had the $70 and keys to the woman’s car in his hands at the time, according to the Sheriff’s Office. ------------------- What puzzles me is why anybody in that part of Florida would need a tanning booth, unless they are fresh out of jail. Streaking across the parking lot or three minutes on a lawn at lunch time, should get anybody there a tan, if not a sunburn!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Verna Re: OE mail has disappeared Dear Webby All of a sudden all my filed and unanswered OE emails have disappeared. Poof. Gone. They are not in the Recycle bin or anywhere that I can find them. Some of them are memos I sent to myself with vital info, that I still have to work on or print. I NEED to get that mail back! Verna Dear Verna With OE, that is normal and to be expected, and why I don't recommend it. OE and Outlook have done that for the last 15 years and I get letters like yours all the time. Some people say, that you can postpone the inevitable by keeping the IN, OUT and TRASH boxes as close to empty as possible. It IS possible that Microsoft has figured out how to retrieve all that mail. Try contacting their support. Have FUN! DearWebby
A famous art collector is walking through the city when he notices a mangy cat lapping milk from a saucer in the doorway of a store and he does a double take. He recognizes that the saucer is extremely old and very valuable, so he walks casually into the store and offers to buy the cat for two dollars. The store owner replies "I'm sorry, but the cat isn't for sale." The collector says, "Please, I need a hungry cat around the house to catch mice. I'll pay you fifty dollars for that cat." And the owner says, "Sold," and hands over the cat. The collector continues, "Hey, for the fifty bucks I wonder if you could throw in that old saucer. The cat's used to it and it'll save me from having to get a dish." And the owner says, "Sorry buddy, but that's my lucky saucer. So far this week, I've sold sixty-eight stray cats." The cat came back half an hour later.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Very Young Kids Can Write Books I was totally surprised when my granddaughter, who is 6, showed me a stack of six books she'd written. She came up with the idea herself to write and illustrate her own series of books. She uses only computer paper, colored pens and a paperclip to hold each book together. She came up with this on her own, but when she brought them to kindergarten the teacher liked them so much, she had the whole class make their own. Each book is about a cat or dog she or a friend owns. But your child's books could be about anything! She also numbers each book (Book #1 "Smokey the Dirty Cat") and numbers the pages, then on the back she lists each book in the her series. If she can't write up everything by herself, she tells her mother what to write. Me, being an artist, I get the biggest kick out of her illustrations! I'm sure she got the idea because her mother takes her to the library and reads to her so often. (They are poor but rich!) This could be a fun thing for you to do with your kids this summer, make your very own books! By Cyinda from near Seattle http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A kangaroo kept getting out of his enclosure at the zoo. Knowing that he could hop high, the zoo officials put up a ten-foot fence. He was out the next morning, just roaming around the zoo. A twenty-foot fence was put up. Again he got out. When the fence was forty feet high, a camel in the next enclosure asked the kangaroo, "How high do you think they'll go?" The kangaroo said, "Probably about a hundred feet, unless somebody starts locking the gate at night."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
What do you get when you cross an insomniac, an agnostic and a dyslexic? Someone who stays up all night wondering if there really is a dog!

» Pine Ridge, SD





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Make pictures show in Gmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, July 24, 2010

A lot of people asked what that red icon, that I put on top on Fridays, is about. Well, first let me make it VERY clear, that it is NOT political. It has nothing to do with Bush deciding to fight the terrorists on THEIR home turf instead of on yours, and it has nothing to do with Obama being against that and ordering the troops to use "courageous restraint" and to turn the other cheek. That icon is to remind us to show gratitude to the troops, who risk their lives to do whatever they are told, to protect us and our freedom. Not a gesture to politicians, just a simple and quick gesture to show gratitude to the troops. You can read more about it at http://snipurl.com/gratittude
"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." --- Antoine de Saint Exupery
Thanks to Dianne for sending this story: My wife has not spoken to me in three days. I think it has something to do with what happened on Sunday night when she thought she heard a noise downstairs. She nudged me and whispered, "Wake up, wake up!" "What's the matter"? I asked. "There are burglars in the kitchen. I think they're eating the tuna casserole I made tonight." "That'll teach them!" I replied.
Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: NO, SIR!!!
The Magic of Making Up
Downloadable Ebook course, well worth it,
even if you don't need to make up with anybody
right now. Might come in handy in the future!
Up to 5,400 times cheaper than a divorce. Click Here!

Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Large version of the picture
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to George Horn, 48, in Ft Lauderdale, Florida Burglar used cross to pry open church poor boxes JULY 20--A Florida man who used a crucifix to break into a donation box at a Catholic church in Fort Lauderdale was charged today with burglary in connection with the heist last month. George Horn, 48, allegedly broke a window to gain access to St. John's Catholic Church on June 26. While inside, he took a crucifix from the altar and used it as a pry bar to open the donation box under a stand filled with devotional candles. Horn--crucifix in hand--was caught on video by a church surveillance camera. Along with rifling the candle box, Horn also broke into two church poor boxes, according to a Fort Lauderdale Police Department report. He was charged after police completed a probe that included the recovery of DNA evidence from the crime scene, which included a large amount of blood left behind by the burglar. Horn is being held in the Broward County jail on the felony count.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: Showing pictures in Gmail HI, I just started getting your newsletter again. Not sure why I wasn't. Anyway, in the meantime I have switched over to gmail. I have my sympatico email redirected to my gmail. None of the graphics are working in Gmail. Is there a setting I need to change to get them? Thanks Laura Dear Laura The browser "peeker" for Gmail can be configured to show pictures, but it is just designed for quick and fast peeking from a slow connection, away from your own computer. That is why the default is set to not show anything, that would slow you down. The best way to handle it is to a) make a filter that tells Gmail to never trash or spam mail from humor@webby.com, even if I talk about viruses or spam. b) Set Gmail to POP c) Set up your favorite email program (Eudora, ThunderBird, Outlook, Outlook Express, whatever) to check laura*****@gmail.com On those occasions, when you DO want images to show, while you are just quickly peeking with the browser, just click on the SHOW IMAGES link at the top of the email where you want to see the pictures. It won't change the quick peeker into a full-featured email program, it will just change the setting for that one email. Just keep in mind that the browser based peeker was designed to quickly check your email while standing at the contractor's counter at the Home Depot and using the courtesy computer there. It is fast, nothing gets downloaded into that machine, and all your email stays on the server, so that you can pull it down with Eudora or Outlook or whatever, when you get home. Have FUN! DearWebby
A business executive who had retired last year was discussing the joys of his new leisure time. He remarked that he had been compelled to give up skiing, a sport he had enjoyed for many years. "Afraid of injuries?" I asked. "Well, now I am," he responded. "Before I could drag a cast into work and still do my job, but now I'd be messing up my golf game."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Cords in Toilet Paper Rolls Organizing electrical extension cords when not in use. Save empty TP rolls. Fold your cords in lengths of 8 inches and insert each one in an empty TP roll. Write on the outside of the roll with a permanent marker the length of the extension cord inside of the roll. These will stack neatly in a small plastic basket and you know what size of cord you are getting each time. By Marbilite from Indianapolis, Indiana http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A boss in California, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm going to have to let at least one of you go and I need you to supply me with a usable solution immediately." Female Employee: "I'm a woman." Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority." Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin." ...To which they all turn to look at the helpless young, white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds: "I think I might be gay..." So, without discriminating against any politically protected group, he fired all four of them for "failure to perform assigned duties, like supplying him with a usable solution".
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
A husband and wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car became bogged. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. The husband accepted and minutes later the car was free. The farmer turned to the husband and said, "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today." The husband looks around at the fields incredulously and asks the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must do it at night." "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole."

» Pine Ridge, SD





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Making desktop shortcuts 



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Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, July 23, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

God gave us memory that we might have roses in December. --- James Matthew Barrie You can complain because roses have thorns, or you can rejoice because thorns have roses. --- Tom Wilson Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe, and he'll believe you. Tell him a bench has wet paint on it, and he'll have to touch to be sure. --- Murphy
In a Phoenix airport boarding area they announced that the flight was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter announced: "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward."
At the supermarket parking lot I saw a lady who seemed rather upset. When I asked her what was wrong she said, "I don't think I like that produce guy. I went and looked around for organic vegetables for my mother-in-law, but I couldn't find any. So I asked him where the organic vegetables were. "He didn't know what I was talking about so I said, 'These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?' "And he said, 'No, ma'am. You'll have to do that yourself !'"
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Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Large version of the picture Rosvik Norbotten, Sweden
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and goes to a 17 year old boy in Leon, NY Amish DUI chase LEON-A 17 year old Amish teen from the Town of Leon is in trouble after he led police on a chase through his town. The teen was observed running a stop sign in his horse and buggy. Sheriff's deputies tried to stop him, but he refused to stop and a chase ensued for almost a mile. After making an unsafe turn, the teen crashed the horse and buggy and took off on foot. He was later found, arrested and charged with underage possession of alcohol, overdriving an animal, reckless endangerment, failure to stop at a stop sign and failure to yield to a emergency vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Making a desktop shortcut Good Morning Webby, Have a problem placing a short cut icon on my desk top. I right click on a open spot on the site I want to make a desk top short cut, but when a drop down menu appears there is no wording that will allow me to make a short cut. Is there another way in which I can make a short cut icon on my desk top? Thank you, Bob Dear Bob Right-click on the desk top NEW Shortcut Browse to the program or file that you want the shortcut to NEXT Type in a nickname for it FINISH You probably missed the NEW step. There IS another way for URLs. Grab the littel icon on the left side of the URL in the address bar, and drag that to an empty spot on the desktop. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Thanks for the harmonica you gave me for my birthday," little Jimmie said to his uncle the first time he saw him since then. "It's the best birthday present I ever got." "That's great," said his uncle. "Do you know how to play it?" "Oh, I don't play it," the little fellow said. "My mom gives me a dollar a day not to play it during the day and my dad gives me five dollars a week not to play it at night."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycle Plastic Bottles to Water Plants When it comes to summer time and plants drying out, what I find works is taking water bottles (like Perrier water bottles found in the recycle box at work), filling them up with water, and then sticking them in soil about 2-3 inches in the soil. This lasts for about 4 days in containers. For outdoor garden, I place it close to the plant and it last about 3 days. As the soil drys it allows for air to be released and allowing the water to fill up the spot where the air has been created. No need to worry about overwatering with this method, as gravity works its magic. No need to spend money on glass balls for watering. If you want to decorate them, modpoge them with tissue paper. Source: My Mom http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men, before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Hey, amigo, wanna buy my nice, beeg ship?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request.
On some air bases the Air Force is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied "It makes a lot of difference. If it is an Airlines Flight, it is 3 o'clock. If it is an Air Force, it is 15-oh-oh. If it is a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If it is an Army aircraft, it's 2 hours till Happy Hour. If it is a Coast Guard plane, it's Mid Afternoon If it is a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Friday Afternoon."

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