E-Bay Problems

Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on E-Bay?

I put in a $7 bid for a "Mickey Mouse Outfit", and now it seems I'm only nineteen minutes away from owning Obama's entire Cabinet.



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 4

Can you lose weight with just walking, or do you need more
strenuous exercise?

Yes, half an hour walking every day is more effective than 
an hour of strenuous sweating at a gym once or twice a week.
In addition to that, half an hour walking is less likely to
lead to binge eating to reward yourself for the exercise.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"Pick battles big enough to matter, yet small enough to win."
--- Jonathan Kozol 

Nobody is perfect 
until you fall in love with them.
--- Socratex



An insurance salesman was trying to persuade Marnie that 
she should take out life insurance.
"Suppose your husband were to die," he said,
"What would you get?"

Marnie thought for a while, and then said, 
"Oh, a parrot, I think.  or maybe a kid or two. 
Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




A college student wrote a letter home: 

Dear folks, 

I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. 
I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another 
hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.  I beg on bended 
knee that you forgive me. 

Your son, Marvin. 

P.S. I felt so terrible that I ran after the mailman, who picked 
this up in the box at the corner.  I wanted to take this letter 
and burn it.  I prayed that I could get it back. 
But it was too late. 

A few days later he received a letter from his father.  It said, 
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came." 



Thanks to Sue for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

Brown Thrasher

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 


Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 57

Thief had 25 pairs of panties 
Police in Florida said an off-duty officer arrested a shoplifter 
found to have stuffed a polo shirt and 25 pairs of women's 
panties into his shorts. 

Winter Haven police detective Ken Brewer said he met his 
girlfriend at Bealls Outlet after leaving work at 5 p.m. 
Friday and clerks who saw his badge informed him a 
customer had been spotted concealing items in his 
shorts, The Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger reported Tuesday. 

Brewer said he approached Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 
57, and saw a pair of pink women's underwear hanging 
out of his pocket with the tag still attached. 

The detective said Kennedy struggled with him and 
gave him several fake names. 

Police said Kennedy was found to have shoved a polo 
shirt and 25 pairs of panties into his shorts and a girdle 
he was wearing. Investigators said he was also carrying 
a pair of wire cutters to remove security tags from 
merchandise. 

Kennedy, who had been released the previous week 
after an arrest on charges including loitering, was 
booked into the Polk County Jail on charges of 
retail theft, resisting an officer with violence and 
battery on an officer. 

He will not have to worry about air conditioning bills for
the summer.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Brant
Re: Camera and microscope

Dear Webby
I want to connect a camera to a microscope. What do I need
to know and watch out for ?
Thanks
Brant

Dear Brant
First you have to realize that you got a HUGE amount of 
magnification between the tiny ocular (the lens closest to the 
eye) and the monitor. Don't go for an expensive microscope
with a very high magnification number. Go for one with a 
wider field of view.

The second thing to watch out for is lighting. 
Today's digital cameras go very far into the dark infrared,
and you will probably wind up with too much light and need
to dim the picture. Usualy, the more light you have, the 
better picture you get, but there is a limit to that. 
Chose a microscope that allows both through-light and 
reflected light or a combination of the two. 
Generally, the more room you have to adapt and 
improvise with the lighting, the better.

And finally, you need an adapter tube between the microscope
and the camera. Hold the camera by hand and find the ideal
distance. 

Cut some black plastic pipe to that length with a pipe cutter.
Do NOT use a hacksaw!  Dull the pipe inside and out with very 
fine sandpaper, then clean it thoroughly with a damp or wet rag. 

Clean the lenses perfectly clean with damp lenscloth. Do a
VERY good job on that, because it is the last time you will
ever have to do that.

Assemble the microscope, tube and camera and hold them 
together with a rubber band. 
Test it.
If everyting works OK, use some hotmelt glue or silicone to
permanently attach the tube to the microscope and the camera.
That's all there is to it. You won't have to change the distance
of the camera tube. All changes are made with the the adjustments
on the microscope.

Before you spend a lot of money, try a cheap plastic student's
microscope from Edmund Scientific and a cheap security camera.
Quite likely the results are a lot better than you expect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

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please donate what you can!





The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. 
One night the phone rang, and his wife answered.  An agitated 
voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" 
"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" 
the wife asked. 

"Send both of them!" the caller replied.  
"We can't get our dog's mouth open, 
and there's a burglar in it." 

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes
Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. 
When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, 
but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of 
milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. 
Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well.

By duckie-do from Cortez, CO

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



Connie called up her electrician. "Didn't you promise to send 
someone over to my house yesterday to fix the doorbell?" 
she asks.

"I did send one, I sent Judy, the new apprentice," the 
electrician said. "I'm sure of it."

He calls to the back of the shop. "Didn't you go over to 
Washington Street yesterday afternoon to do that doorbell 
job?"

"Yes, sir," was faintly heard. "I was there, and I must have 
rung the bell for more than 10 minutes. Nobody answered, 
though, so I figured they were all out."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box 
with holes punched in the top.

"What's in that box?" a neighbor asks.

"A big cat," the woman says.

"What for?"

"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. 
The cat is to catch them."

"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor 
says.

The woman turns to her friend and whispers, 
"So is the cat. Do you think I was silly enough to lug a 
real cat around all day ?"





 
» Double Exposure 


The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked
one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech.
When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. 
 
"What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?", he demanded.
"Half the audience walked out before I finished." Jenkins was baffled.
"I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two
extra copies you asked for."

Yonge-Dundas Smackdown
Punched in the face, but fat chance charges will be laid
What constitutes a physical assault in Toronto these days?

This would appear to be straightforward. If, for example, one individual punches another, surely that’s assault. Especially if the punch in question was witnessed. And photographed.

But as I learned firsthand on Sunday, a fist in the face doesn’t necessarily constitute assault in our increasingly culturally sensitive Toronto. Read More...

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One thing kids like is to be tricked.

For instance, I was going to take my kids to Disneyland, but instead I drove them to an old burned-out warehouse.

"Oh, no!" I said. "Disneyland burned down."

They cried and cried, but I think that deep down, they thought it was a pretty good joke.

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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 3

Thanks Sandi !
Thanks Donald!


Neil and Jim sent me links to a program, that neatly takes
care of FireFox bookmarks, weeds out dead and obsolete
links, gets rid of duplicates, makes the good links searchable, 
and lets you export them for use in a spreadsheet or database.
Just what I and many of you have been looking for!

Becasue the program originally was just for weeding out 
dead links, that name stuck: AM-DeadLink. 
It is free! You can download it from AM-Deadlink

I will also put a link to it into my Tool Box, in case you 
need it later for your home machine.

Speaking about browsers,....

Average IQ of users of certain browsers:
100,000 web surfers tested

Naturally, some IE users complain, that 100,000 is not a big 
enough sampling, to jump to any conclusion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"The poor man is not he who is without a cent,
but he who is without a dream."
--- Harry Kemp

"The best way to make your dreams come true 
is to wake up."
--- Paul Valery
 


The following are actual submissions on a series of 
quizzes, tests, and essays.
 
"Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in 
a free state."
 
"H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water."
 
"To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a 
test tube."
 
"When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide."
 
"Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is 
pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water."
 
"Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars."
 
"The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and 
the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax 
contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains 
the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."
 
"Blood flows down one leg and up the other."
 
"Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then
expectoration."
 
"The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader."
 
"Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead 
of the bull."
 
"Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes 
them perspire."
 
"A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold."
 
"Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas."
 
"The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects."
 
"The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out 
and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is 
something to hitch meat to."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's
morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several
members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough
to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she
accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw
his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon.
She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there
would know what he was doing.

George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just
walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny -- he said nothing.

Later that evening, George and his two apprentices quietly parked 
their pickups in front of Sarah's house and left them there all night





Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 


Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22

Meaty deal
PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla., July 31 (UPI) -- A Port St. Lucie, Fla., man 
was arrested for allegedly robbing and shooting at a drug dealer 
he said gave him hamburger meat instead of pot, authorities say.

Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22, was charged Thursday with 
attempted murder, burglary, escape, possession of marijuana 
and providing a false name to a law enforcement officer, 
TCPalm.com reported.

The alleged victim said he was to meet Morrison Wednesday at 
8:30 p.m. behind a gas station to sell him $100 worth of marijuana. 
The dealer said Morrison walked up to his car and demanded the 
drugs. He said that he then gave Morrison a white paper bag 
and then sped away.

Morrison told police he looked in the bag and found hamburger 
meat instead of drugs and then began firing at the dealer's car.

When police arrived at an apartment building in Port St. Lucie 
Thursday afternoon to arrest Morrison, he fled on foot. However 
he was apprehended shortly afterward near the apartment 
building. Detectives said they found 4.7 grams of marijuana in 
his possession.

Morrison is being held without bail in the St. Lucie County Jail.

The dealer, who sent the cops after Morrison, was not arrested 
or charged.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: 4K
Re: How to make filters in Gmail

Dear Webby,
Back last week you said:Â  "I'll send you a Gmail invitation. 
Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want. Once you got it 
set up, subscribe with that address, and make a filter in Gmail, 
so that it never puts mail from humor@webby.com into the 
spam, no matter what naughty words I might mention."

Where is this filter located?  

I keep getting emails from one close friend ending up in Spam.

Now more frequently, but never in the beginning of exchanges.
I may get several a day, of which some make it just fine into my 
mailbox, others go to Spam.  Today, and the past 2 days, all have
gone into Spam!  grrrrrrr

I cannot figure out how to 'filter' her address (only that bit of 
info) to automatically be diverted from Spam to my in box.
This was attempted in the Spam folder where one was waiting.

In other words, dimbo old gray cells do not understand the 
options presented in 'More' drop down offerings....groan.
Would you, please, give me step-by-step instructions even a
5-year-old would understand?  Hell, they probably know!!!

Your usual wonderful help is most appreciated!

4K:)       
LiveLoveLaugh(2)RepeatDaily

Dear 4K
In Gmail hit the sprocket in the right upper corner
then Mail Settings
then in the dark baby blue bar near the top, the 4th item 
from the left is FILTERS.
Scoot down to the bottom of the light baby blue area, and there
you see "MAKE NEW FILTER".

Hit that, and at the very top, partially hidden, will be the 
CREATE NEW FILTER form.

Yes, I know, the user interface looks like it was designed 
by that obnoxious widdle girl from Incredimail, 
and takes some getting used to. I too would much prefer
if they would let her mother do that kind of work.

The filters are quite anemic, compared to the filters in
MailWasher, but you CAN set them to use a FROM 
address as a trigger and never put mail FROM that 
address into spam.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

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please donate what you can!





Esther and Sally, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, 
are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, 
nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself.

Esther says," Sally, you know I'm shy.  Why don't you go over to 
him at the pool and find out a little about him.  He looks so lonely."

Sally agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and
says, "Excuse me, mister.  I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and 
I were wondering why you looked so lonely."

"Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in
prison."

"You're kidding!  What for?"

"For killing my third wife.  I strangled her."

"What happened to your second wife?"

"I shot her."

"And, if I may ask, your first wife?"

"We had a fight and she fell off a building."

"Oh my," says Sally.  Then turning to her friend on the other 
side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Esther, he's single."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes
Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. 
When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, 
but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of 
milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. 
Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well.

By duckie-do from Cortez, CO

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



During an arctic training exercise in Alaska an early fall cold 
snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed 
battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't 
run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what 
else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier 
rushed in and announced, 
"Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!

Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, 
"Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have 
him fix the dang things!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like
an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him.
For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and
forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"...

Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in
interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next
door neighbor.
"My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she
said.

"That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"





 
» Cuba 2011 


From Bing:
Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a
slick 45-foot, downhill putt.  As he lined it up, he announced,
"I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt.  Does
anyone want to bet?"


His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager.  My grandfather
missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around
to collect their money.  Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on
which he had printed, "I can make this putt."  

His pals are still trying to collect on the bet; 
my grandfather is too.

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 2

Looks like we finally got summer! 
Nice and hot but with a pleasant dry wind, that
makes it just perfect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





 "The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to
 myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind
 woman."
 --- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
 


Florida gets its first nude 5K run 
Organizers of the Streak Sunsport Gardens 5K Benefit 
Run & Walk in Florida said the event marks the first 
clothing-optional run in the state. 

Daniel Phillips, 25, an organizer of the Aug. 27 event and 
a member of college nudist group Vita Nuda, said runners 
at the Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort in Loxahatchee 
will only be asked to wear athletic shoes, the Palm Beach (Fla.) 
Post reported Monday. 

"You can do interesting stuff while nude," Phillips said. 
You can do cool stuff. 

"In a clothed society, people tend to be different," Phillips said. 
Nudists ... no one judges anyone, no one has any expectations 
for anything. Phillips said he is hoping the run will be the first in a 
series of clothing-optional 5K runs he plans to organize next year. 

They are expecting about 400 - 500 runners and about 18,000
to 20,000 spectators. 



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Sue told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured 
for fifty-thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Sue. Insurance
doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of
what was insured and what it was worth just before it burned 
down, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Sue replied, "
In that case, cancel the policy on my husband RIGHT NOW!"





Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to Glodualdo Moreno Lojan.

Driving too slow on Freeway causes bust
ANDERSON, S.C. -- A South Carolina trooper says he found a 
kilogram of cocaine in a suspect's prosthetic leg, after he pulled 
over a vehicle for driving slow in the fast lane.

The Anderson Independent-Mail reports trooper Brad Davis 
testified at a preliminary hearing Friday that he felt an odd 
bulge when he patted down Glodualdo Moreno Lojan. 
Davis says a plastic bag was stuffed between Lojan's leg 
and his prosthesis.

Lojan and two others in the car face cocaine trafficking 
charges.

Davis says he pulled over the car with Texas plates in 
July for traveling 50 mph in the left lane on Interstate 85.

Lojan's attorney, Kurt Tavernier, says the car should 
not have been stopped, since 50 mph is over the 
minimum highway speed.

The three remain in jail without bond.

That will teach the boneheads about driving slow in the 
left lane!



From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Mandy
Re: Firefox Bookmarks to Excel

Dear Webby,
Is there a way to get the FireFox bookmarks to Excel or 
OO Calc, so that they can be sorted, searched, deduplicated,
etc?

Thanks
Mandy

Dear Mandy
No, there isn't a way.
FireFox is a pretty good browser, but is totally incompetent
when it comes to bookmarks and managing them. There are some
add-ons, that TRY to ease the pain, but to make them useful, 
you need a separate program for FireFox bookmarks.

You CAN export them to an HTML file, 
browse that and use the FIND. That sort of works, but is klutzy,
and without an HTML editor not practical for sorting.

Since I do like FireFox for everything else, I sincerely hope
I am wrong and there IS some kind of program out there for
sorting and managing FF bookmarks.

Until I find one, I am just pasting bookmarks and comments 
into a speradsheet and do it my way.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that 
in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord 
will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or 
beauty.  Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. 

"Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke 
and a bolt of lightning.  Now, all heads turn toward the dean, 
who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light.  At length, one of 
his colleagues whispers, "Say something." 

The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money." 

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep After School Snacks in the Car
Keep snacks in the car. Fill a sandwich bag with pretzels, 
crackers, cheerios, etc. Keep bottled water also. If you 
pick up your kids, as I do, they are hungry when they 
get in the car. This snack gets them to dinner and 
makes for a more pleasant ride home.

By Wanda from Climax, NC

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to
be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial
from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet
calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to
serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her
husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could
be wrong about capital punishment after all."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself,
"Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven.
Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, 
"What are you doing?"

The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom."

"And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked.

"Yes," he answered.

Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, 
"What are you teaching my son in math?"

The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition."

The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say 
two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?"

After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, 
"What I taught them was, 
two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."





 
» Castles 


One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a 
mother was tucking her son into bed.
She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a 
tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?"

The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. 
"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room."

A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: 
"The big sissy."

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 1

Sandie sent me an article about artificial sweeteners. 
I think I partially read it before, but at that time, I wasn't
that interested.

If you have symptoms similar to MS, Lupus, fibromyalgia,
numbness in your legs,
Cramps,
Vertigo,
Dizziness,
Headaches,
Tinnitus,
Joint pain,
Unexplainable depression, anxiety attacks, 
slurred speech, blurred vision, or memory loss,
then stop using artificial sweeteners and diet pop
for a week. 

If you notice a drastic difference, let me know, and I'll
send you that article. 

No, it is not something to buy, quite the opposite, 
actually. Stop buying stuff that poisons you.

Aspartame and similar artificial sweeteners don't hurt
everybody, but a surprising number of people past
midlife do drastically benefit from avoiding 
artificial sweeteners.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing
in the world is power without humor."
--- Eric Sevareid 
 
Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
--- Fran Lebowitz

The only normal people are the ones you 
don't know very well.
--- Joe Ancis
 


Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a 
storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I 
came into my bedroom about 2 > a.m., I found my two children 
in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. 
I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. 
The next day,I talked to the children, and explained that it 
was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but 
when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom
that night. 

They said OK. 

After my next trip several weeks later, my wife and the 
children picked me up in the terminal at the appointed time. 
Since the plane was late, there were hundreds of other 
folks waiting for their arriving passengers, also. 

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came
running, shouting, "Hi,Dad! I've got some good news!" 
As I waved back, I said loudly, "What's the good news?" 

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this
 time!" Alex shouted. 
 
 The airport became very quiet,



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Two husbands were discussing their married lives.  Although
happily married, they admitted that there were arguments
sometimes.  Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?"

"It's easy," replied Chad.  
"My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "





Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Billy Joe Madden, 28, of Hattiesburg, Miss.

Drunk dad chauffeured by 8 year old son
BATON ROUGE, La. - Louisiana state police say an 8-year-old 
boy was driving a pickup truck down an interstate while his 
drunken father slept in the passenger seat.

Troopers say the man's 4-year-old daughter was in the back 
seat when the truck was stopped Saturday morning in 
Livingston Parish. The child's driving was so erratic that it 
alarmed motorists, who called authorities.

Madden, 28, resident of Hattiesburg, Miss., was pulled over,
well, technically his son was pulled over, at around 6:30 a.m. 
on Saturday on I-12 in Louisiana after state troopers received 
a call "from a concerned motorist."

At 6:30 am, after driving most of the night from Hattiesburg, Miss.,
towards Dallas, Texas, by the time he got to Baton Rouge, La, 
the eight-year-old was apparently not a very good driver any
more. Most likely he was fighting to stay awake.

The children have been handed over to Louisiana Child 
Protective Services.

The father, 28-year-old Billy Joe Madden of Hattiesburg, Miss., 
was booked into the Livingston Parish Jail on charges including 
child desertion and allowing a minor to drive. More charges
are likely to be added regarding interstate crimes.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Martha
Re: Spaces in file names

Dear Webby,
I know that you once told us that leaving spaces in file names
is childish and stooopid and sooner or later causes problems.

The bonehead we have as a computer teacher in summer school 
insists that it is OK to have spaces in file names. What were 
the reasons for not putting spaces into file names?
Thanks,
Martha M

Dear Martha
If a file is not intended to ever leave the computer and
never be used on the web or on another computer, then
broken file names CAN sometimes be used.

However, since broken file names don't work with all
browsers and with very few web servers, it's a really
dumb idea to get into the bad habit of breaking names.

Better stick with the rules that DO work everywhere: 
No broken file names.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are 
always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad 
engineer. 

"If we didn't have a schedule," replied the engineer, we would
not know how many minutes we are late."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Refurbishing A Faded Patio Umbrella
My community has recycling once a month. It is amazing the 
things you can find that people are throwing out. For example, 
our deck table needed an umbrella and someone threw one 
out. It was faded but otherwise in pretty good shape. I decided 
to spray paint it using an indoor/outdoor paint that is good for 
wood, metal, and more. I worked perfectly and I have had no 
problems with the paint running or fading.

By LoracMc from IA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"

"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."

"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"

"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."

"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. 
"That's what my boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las Vegas.
She's down to her last $50.  Exasperated, she exclaims, 
"What rotten luck!  What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down, suggests, 
"I   don't know...  Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away.  Moments later, his attention is grabbed by 
a great commotion at the roulette table.  Maybe, she won!  

He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the 
crowd.  The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table 
operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned.  He asks, "What happened?  Is she 
all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know.  
She put all her money on 29.
Then when 36 came up, she just fainted!"





 
» Sun and Sails 


Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home
at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 31

The world is not really watching with bated breath what will
happen next in the debt ceiling soap opera. It is more like
a comedy, and they are bound to come up with something
really dumb.

Obama wants a blank check to buy the next election,
the Democrats want to get re-elected to a warm place to crap,
and figure election goodies will do the trick,
the Republicans are worried about long term damage due to 
overspending at the wrong time, and needing such drastic
measures, when they get their turn, that they will be kicked
out after one term.

There is no point trying to second-guess what they will do.
I am sure they are quite capable of coming up with something 
a lot dumber than you or I can envision.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"The people who gave us golf and called it a game 
are the same people who gave us bag pipes 
and called it music."
--- TV "Silk Stalkings" 

"If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had 
a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire." 
--- George E. Woodberry
 


Donald MacDonald from the Isle of Skye  went to study at an English
university and was living in the hall of residence with all the
other students there. After he had been there a month, his
mother came to visit him.
"And how do you find the English students, Donald?" she
asked.
"Mother," he replied, "they're such terrible, noisy people. The
one on that side keeps banging his head on the wall and won't
stop. The one on the other side screams and screams all
night."
"Oh Donald! How do you manage to put up with these awful
noisy English neighbors?"
"Mother, I do nothing. I just ignore them. I just stay here
quietly, playing my bagpipes."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks
and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate
encounters in the dental clinic after hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop
seeing each other like this. Your husband's bound to get 
suspicious."

"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been messing around for six months now
and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one tooth!"



Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

Condor

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Julia Lynn Vanhouten, 19, of Bonita Springs, and 
Kerstan Trinere Harman, 18, of Fort Myers,

Jerky theft led to drug arrest
FORT MYERS, Fla., July 28 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said 
a young woman accused of stealing beef jerky from a gas 
station was arrested on drug charges.

The Lee County Sheriff's Office said Julia Lynn Vanhouten, 19, 
of Bonita Springs, and Kerstan Trinere Harman, 18, of Fort Myers, 
fled the Circle K store on South U.S. 41 in Fort Myers when 
employees spotted Harman shoving beef jerky into her pants 
Monday, the Naples Daily News reported Thursday.

Deputies caught up to the pair, who were fleeing in 
Vanhouten's Dodge Charger, and discovered an oxycodone 
pill where Harman had been sitting. They said Harman left 
three syringes and white lace behind in their patrol car and 
she was found to be carrying several needle caps and a straw.

Harman was charged with drug possession and paraphernalia, 
smuggling of contraband into a detention facility, criminal 
mischief, resisting a law enforcement officer and petit theft.

Vanhouten was charged with fleeing and eluding law 
enforcement officers.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Dave
Re: Detail View

Dear Webby,
Sometime ago, before I was the victim of a virus attack, 
I remember a tip to maintain a 'Details' view in a folder. 
Is there a global setting which will always keep a 'details' view 
in any folder? I really look forward to these tips! 
Thanks for all - jokes, pictures and especially the tip.
Dave

Dear Dave
In the File Explorer, hit
ALT V
D
That will do the trick.
However, keep in mind that after about 30-40 viewings,
Windows goes senile and fergets. Then you just hit that key 
combination again.

There is a longwinded way to do the same in the registry,
but it's not worth the hassle. It is not any mre permanent.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

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please donate what you can!





Approaching eighty-five years of age, Mrs. Harris finally decided 
it was time to give up her apartment in New York and move to Miami.  
She was given the name of a Florida realtor, who enthusiastically 
drove her all over Miami, extolling the virtues of every apartment 
they looked at.

"And this one, what a steal," he rhapsodized, "the investment of a
lifetime. Why, in ten years it's gonna be worth three times..."

"Sonny," interrupted Mrs. Harris, "at my age I don't even buy green
bananas."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Print On The Back Side Of Paper
Instead of throwing away copy paper that has been run through 
the printer or copier, I have started to save them. Place the used 
paper in a file folder or appropriate sized box to keep the corners 
flat and paper unwrinkled. I then use the back of these sheets to 
print proof reading copies or other things where it doesn't matter 
if the back has already been used. It can really save money 
and resources. I do this at home and at work and feel good 
about getting all the use I can out of every sheet of paper.

By Bebe52 from Lambert, MS

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Use an empty sewing thread spool, wood or styrofoam, as a
stamp, and a regular stamp pad for inking, and stamp the used
side. That will save a LOT of confusion!

When somebody shows up with a kid, they love stamping the used
sides and usually would gladly do a lot more, than you have 
ready for them. In many offices that trick halves the paper 
expense.

What cuts expenses even more is a good and reliable ink
and toner supplier like Atlantic Inkjet.
We have used their ink and toner for over 10 years and have
been very happy with their prices and fast service.
They even take back unused ink cartridges, when you 
upgrade printers!
Highly recommended!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



The court case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness.
"Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of 
talking to himself when he was alone?"

"I don't know," said the  Irishman.

"Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you 
were intimately acquainted with the deceased?"

"Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be 
with him when he was alone. "



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A new hair salon opened up for business right across the 
street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign:
"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS





 
» Colors 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 30

Thank you Betty!


Ringedingding
DW: "Hi! This is DearWebby at Webby"
Telebimbo: "IS THIS WEBBY INCORPORATED?"
DW: "No. This is DearWebby at Webby"
Telebimbo: "CAN I TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING?"
DW: "No."
Telebimbo: "I NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING 
       WHO IS IN CHARGE OF PURCHASING ADVERTISING!"
DW: "So?"
Telebimbo: "I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Have you tried taking Ex-Lax?"
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Well that's tough. Nobody in marketing talks to telebimbos. Try email."
Telebimbo: "WE DON'T HAVE EMAIL. I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO 
        SOMEBODY IN MARKETING." 
DW: "You can use VideoChat, if you don't have email. Just
      put a paper bag over your head."
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "Well that's tough. Nobody in marketing talks to telebimbos. Try email."
Telebimbo: "SIR, WE DO NOT HAVE EMAIL!"
DW: "Well, if you don't have email, and don't have a paper sack
    to cover your head, then why are you phoning me?"      
Telebimbo: "SIR, I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY IN MARKETING."
DW: "You really should invest in a paper sack. You probably don't look
    too bad with a paper sack over your head. 
    Well, the computer finished booting up. I got to go.
    Don't call us, we'll call you, maybe." Click.

It' amazing how some people figure they can get any business
in today's world while they use last century's methods.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
--- Elbert Hubbard

"Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship."
--- Zeuxis (~400 B.C.)



A friend of mine was telling me her flight from Boston to New 
York was delayed, which meant she missed her connection 
home to Seattle.  She joined a group of other passengers, 
all in the same boat, each hoping to book seats on the next 
flight out.

All of the passengers waited patiently except for one man
who treated the ticket agent very rudely.  "I had an aisle 
seat reserved and I BETTER get an aisle seat when we get
on another plane," he ranted and raved.

A few minutes later the ticket agent announced that there
would be room for everyone.  "And, sir," she said, addressing
the rude fella, "I'm happy to tell you that I was able to get you
an aisle seat, sir. It is at the very back, but it is an isle seat."

The man, still muttering, picked up his carry on, grabbed his
boarding pass, and headed through the door.

The agent continued, "And I'm also pleased to announce the
rest of you will be seated in First Class."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Nike has recalled more than 400 thousand defective shoes after 
reports that the poor workmanship may have injured 6 people. 

A Nike company spokesperson was upset, griping, "You just can't 
get good help for 75 cents a day anymore".





Click through the picture to the large version.

Pink-necked Green-Pigeon

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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Justin Lee Clark, 22, of Canton; Jonathan Lee Earwood, 22, 
of Canton; and Ashley Caudle, 28, of Marietta, GA

Police ID Suspects Accused Of Firing At Cops 
COBB COUNTY, Ga. -- Police have identified three suspects 
accused of shooting at Cobb County police during a chase.

Justin Lee Clark, 22, of Canton; Jonathan Lee Earwood, 22, 
of Canton; and Ashley Caudle, 28, of Marietta, were all 
charged with possession of a firearm by a convicted felon, 
among a whole lot of other charges.

Friday's chase ended with a crash on busy Chastain Road, 
police said.

Investigators said the chase started when a white Honda Civic, 
driven by Clark, tried to provoke a motorcycle officer by 
running into his lane.

"The motor officer yelled at the car, ‘Hey, what are you 
doing?’ The suspect, again, encroached on the officer’s 
lane, the officer initiated a traffic stop and the suspect 
then fled,” said Cobb County police Officer Michael Bowman.

Police said the driver ran a red light, went the wrong way 
down part of Barrett Parkway, and then raised the stakes.

"Sometime between Barrett Parkway and Town Center Mall, 
there are shots fired at the officer. The motor officer is the 
only one there; there are no car units there. Per policy, 
the motor officer is told to disengage the chase,” Bowman said.

That's when police said the driver blew by a marked car, 
which gave chase again and ended when the Honda crashed 
into another car at Chastain Road. The driver dashed off, 
but police quickly caught all three suspects. Two guns were 
found in the car, police said.

Contrary to earlier reports that shots were fired at the 
motorcycle police officer, authorities now say a weapon 
accidentally discharged inside Clark's car as a passenger 
was getting a firearm out of his pants.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Nolan
Re: Restore icon placement

Dear Webby,
My dad plays some weird games on the computer, and he
keeps messing with the resolution. The worst is some old
flight simulator. After that, all the icons are shuffled all over
the place and some can't even be found until I move others.
Is there a way to nail the icons down permanently ?
Nolan

Dear Nolan
No, you can't nail them down. When Windows changes the
monitor resolution, instead of recalculating icon sizes and 
placement, it simply trashes that and re-arranges your icons.

A System Restore will usually bring them back to where 
they belong, but that is pretty hot medicine!

There is a little freeware program that just saves the 
desktop settings and lets you restore those.
It is called "Save My Desktop", and I have had it on my
Tool Box for ages. Just scoot down until you get to a
dark green button Save My Desktop on it.
Don't worry, it is free.

Some of you should be able to download it from here.

Once you have it installed, arrange all your icons and 
desktop features the way you like them, then hit the icon
for "Save My Desktop", and select "SAVE".

When you need to restore them, hit that icon and select 
"RESTORE". That's all there is to it.

Yes, there are probably a dozen copycat programs, that
do the same, and no, I have not tested any of those. 
"Save My Desktop" has worked fine for me since Windows95.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Judy hurries into the emergency room late one night with the 
tip of her index finger shot off. 

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. 
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," Judy replied. 

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide by 
shooting your finger off?" 

"No, Silly!" Judy said. "First I put the gun to my chest, and I 
thought: I just paid $3,000.00 for these breast implants, I'm not 
shooting myself in the chest." 

"So then?" asked the doctor. 

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid 
$3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting myself 
in the mouth." 

"So then?" 

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going to 
make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear before 
I pulled the trigger." 

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Make A Thrifty Recycled Drink Container
I am a person who cannot keep up with her belongings. 
Let me hasten to remind you that it is not age. I have 
always been a scatterbrain and I have watches, umbrellas, 
and car cups scattered all over. I can't make a watch or 
an umbrella, but I have come up with a freebie car cup. 
Older people in Houston need a ready supply of water 
during at least 10 months out of the year.

I took a large plastic mayonnaise jar and a bendy soda 
straw and voila! a car cup. DH drilled the holes in the 
plastic jar lid since he doesn't like me playing with his 
power toys. He drilled one hole for the straw and one 
for water displacement. If I lose it I have a ready supply 
of jars and straws on the shelf.

By MartyD from Houston, TX

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



 Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. 
 Teach him how to fish, 
 and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all weekend. 



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Doug meets Bill at the bar after work and is once again 
looking down in the dumps. "Whats wrong now Doug," asked 
Bill.

Doug replies, "They called in a management team and gave 
everyone in the office an aptitude test to see what they 
were best suited for."

"Yeah, so whats the problem with that?"

Doug sighs, "Well it seems that I am best suited for retirement."





 
» Exceptionally Cute Critter Pix 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

The Saskatoon berries are going to be a week or two late 
this year. They are just barely a reddish green, but there
sure will be lots of them!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"English is a language where double negatives 
are a no-no."
--- Alfred E. Neuman
   
(Except in 'Bama. In 'Bama that ain't not wrong nohow!)

"Be anchored to some ideal, philosophy or cause 
that keeps you too excited to sleep."
--- Brian Koslow



A rich Texan was showing a visitor his backyard.  
The guest asked, "But why three swimming pools?"

"It's simple," the Texam explained. "One is a hot water
pool and the second a cold water one."  

And the third one is empty," exclaimed the visitor.  

"Why sure," said the Texan.
"That one is for friends who can't swim!"



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




"Armstrong," the boss bellowed, "I happen to know that the
reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were
out playing golf! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the
fish to prove it!"



Thanks to dad for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

VictorBurgos.jpg

Man put fake bomb on own car
NEW YORK (AP) - A fugitive from upstate New York who 
taunted police on his Facebook page to 'catch me if you can. 
I'm in Brooklyn' has been arrested.

The Daily News says U.S. marshals and NYPD detectives 
tracked Victor Burgos down to an apartment in Brooklyn's 
Bedford-Stuyvesant neighborhood Monday night, sitting at 
his computer with his Facebook page open.

The 29-year-old suspect was wanted by Utica police on multiple 
arrest warrants for domestic violence and harassment of his 
former girlfriend.

He allegedly issued the Facebook challenge after his mug shot 
appeared on the Utica Police Department's 10 most wanted list.

Utica Sgt. Steve Hauck tells the News: "He told us via Facebook 
to come and get him and we did."



From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Dianne
Re: Extract music from PPS

Dear Webby
My rebuilt computer is missing a lot. What was is, that you
once gave me to extract music from PPS files?
Dianne

Dear Dianne
I still use the Power Point Extractor.
Ignore the name of the program, and just select what you 
want to extract, and in what format. It is free.
You can also get it via my tool box.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Little Johnny farts in the classroom and his teacher gets really
upset and throws him out. He goes and sits outside the class and
can't stop laughing.

The principle walks by and sees him sitting outside laughing.
He says, "Little Johnny what are you doing sitting here laughing?"

Little Johnny says, 
"I farted in class and the teacher threw me out."

The principal says, "Well then, why are you laughing?"

Little Johnny says, "Because he is sitting in the classroom, 
smelling my fart while I am outside in this beautiful, clean air."

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Create Stick Sculptures to Attract Birds
This tip is "for the birds" in your garden. I don't throw 
away large sticks that fall during storms, instead I keep 
them and use them to make stick sculptures for the birds. 
They add whimsy to my garden and the birds LOVE to 
land on them because after all they are sticks from real 
trees. I started with a plain garden hook and just attached 
the sticks as I found them and it's an ever changing 
sculpture. You can add birdhouses or anything you 
want to, but I guarantee you that the birds will land on 
it and land on it often!

By Jeanasina from Richfield, MN

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



"Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken."

"Oh no - how long has this been going on?"

"About a year!"

"A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?"

"Well, we needed the eggs."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Vern for this story:
I had given our daughter, who was 14 at the time, a driver's 
manual. On the way to town one day, I was coaching her as I 
drove. I told her to be studying her book so as to be ready 
when it came time to get her drivers permit. 

"Oh, she said, "I already know everything in the book." 

"You do?" I returned. 

"Yep", she said, very smugly. 

I thought, "OK, I'll give her a hard one." So I asked her, 
"How many feet does it take to stop the car if you are driving 
60 miles an hour and have to slam on the brakes real hard?" 

"One," she replied. 

"What?" I asked. 

"One?!" She repeated her answer and then because of the con-
fused look on my face, she added, "You always told me never 
to use my left foot on the brakes, only use my right one."





 
» 3D Panoramas 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 28

I had to drive into Calgary for a heart stress test. 
Sounds scary, but it was just sitting in a chair, shirt off
with a dozen EKG leads stuck onto freshly shaved and sanded
spots on my chest, and waiting for 40 minutes, 
then walking and jogging on a treadmill, that got faster AND
steeper every three minutes.

Well, I have to admit, that big, ugly GE treadmill beat me. 
After nine minutes the nurse was holding on to my belt at
my back, in case I keeled over. I don't think she could 
have stopped me from falling down, if I did, but it probably 
would have been fun, if she had tried.

After 9 minutes I was getting quite short of air and told her, 
that was enough. I am definitely not in the same shape any 
more, that I used to be at age 20. 
However, the heart handled the stress test just fine. Not a
single malfunction during the entire test.

I realized, though, that I need to shift my exercising from
casual to challenging. 
9 minutes is not long enough '-)

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Words ought to be a little wild for they are 
the assaults of thought on the unthinking.
--- John Maynard Keynes

What looks like wrestling to some, 
might be dancing to others.
--- Andy Griffith



There was an old lady wandering around the supermarket 
calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"

Soon a store clerk approached. "Madam, the Crisco is in 
aisle D."

The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking stuff, 
I'm calling my husband."

"Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answered, 

"Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in public."

"Well, what do you call him when you're at home?"

"Lardass"



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Three men go on a trip to the desert.  One is smart, one is average, and
the third is Bambo.  The smart guy says, "I brought water, so we
won't go thirsty." The average guy says, "I brought food, so we won't go
hungry."  Then, they ask Bambo what he brought, and Tim says, "I
brought this car window, so we can roll it down, if we get hot."

But wait, there's more!

As it turns out, the window Bambo brought came from a stolen car. 
The three men are arrested, taken to jail, and put in separate cells. 
Somehow, the smart guy manages to get hold of the keys, and unlocks each
of their cells.  They then proceed to escaping through a window.

The smart guy goes first, and sees a wall blocking his escape route.  He
also sees a tall tree next to the wall, which he starts climbing,
figuring this was the only way to get past the wall.  As the smart guy
reaches the top of the wall, a guard on the other side hears him.

"Who's there?" asked the guard.

The smart guy replies with a convincing "Meow.  Meow."

"Oh," says the guard, "it's only a cat in a tree." So the smart guy 
gets away.

The average guy goes next.  He climbs the same tree, and the same 
guard hears him.

"Who's there?" 
"Tweet, tweet.  Tweet, tweet."

"It's only a bird in a tree," the guard mutters.  And, last but not
least, it is now Bambo's turn to escape.  Now Bambo has been watching
the others make their escapes, and he likes their approach.  So, he
climbs the same tree, to get over the same wall, and meets the same
guard.  Meanwhile, Tim has been concentrating - what's wrong with that
picture?  -: Ok, animal noises.  Think animal noises.  Of course, the
guard hears him, and asks, "Who's there?"

"Moooo.  Moooo."

Naturally, that gets all three of them caught.
All three men are recaptured, and taken, as targets, to the firing range
as punishment for their jailbreak.  The smart guy, as usual, goes first.
 They bring him out, and the man in charge yells, 
 "Ready...Aim..-" 
 But before he got a chance to continue, the smart guy yells, "Earthquake!!"

Everyone ducks and covers, and the smart guy gets away.

Next, the average guy is brought out.  Again, the man in charge yells,
"Ready...Aim..-"

"Tornado!!"

They all scatter, and the average guy gets away.

Finally, they bring Bambo out.  Once again, Bambo has been
watching the other two, and, once again has been concentrating - twice
in the same day?!  -: Natural disasters.  Natural disasters.
Remember, natural disasters are the key to escape.

Once again, the man in charge yells, "Ready...Aim..-"

"Fire!!!" yells Bambo.



Thanks to dad for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Jeffrey Boreman, 37 in Largo Florida

Man put fake bomb on own car
LARGO, Fla., July 23 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they 
arrested a man accused of strapping a fake bomb to his 
car before taking it in for an oil change.

Largo police said they were called to the Jiffy Lube on 
Walsingham Road July 16 by a mechanic who discovered 
the device while working on the 2004 Nissan Maxima 
brought in by Jeffrey Boreman, 37, the St. Petersburg 
(Fla.) Times reported Friday.

Lt. Edward Sohoski said police determined the device 
was a fake after it was removed and detonated by a 
team consisting of the bomb squad and agents from 
the FBI and the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms 
and Explosives.

Sohoski said security camera footage from a Target 
store depicted Boreman purchasing several of the 
items used to create the hoax bomb.

"There's evidence he's distraught over a pending 
divorce," Sohoski said.

Police said nearby business were evacuated and 
traffic was backed up for hours as a result of the 
incident.

Boreman was charged with planting a hoax bomb 
and was released Thursday on $10,000 bail.



From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Sharron
Re: Google wants info

Dear Webby
 re your International Bonehead : - Shanda Kidd
 
I would absolutely love it if they handed out these kind of 
stiff penalties to the villians over in my country.  
The judges here in Australia are either scared of the 
criminals or they're in their pay - maybe a bit of both.
And I hate "plea bargaining" thats what got the honeymoon 
murderer only 18 months.

BTW - I know it isn't your problem but I too have problems 
receiving your newsletter - I do get it spasmodically but 
usually I check it out at the site.  The strange things is - 
I never have problems getting ThriftyFun.  I was going 
to set up an email account with Google but they wanted 
too much info
Still I do enjoy your newsletter
Kind Regards
Sharron

Dear Sharron
I agree 100% with your view about treating criminals!

Don't worry about Google wanting info.
You can make up every bit of it, as long as you mark it down 
somewhere. All that info is just to help you retrieve your 
password, in case you forget it.

You can call yourself "My Grandma", born January 12, 1798, 
whatever!
Just take a screen shot and save that, so that you can check 
it, if you ever need to. 

Nobody at Google gives a hoot about how close to reality 
that info is, as long as you have a record and can use it 
for password retrieval.

I'll send you a Gmail invitation. 
Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want.
Once you got it set up, subscribe with that address,
and make a filter in Gmail, so that it never puts mail 
from humor@webby.com into the spam, no matter 
what naughty words I might mention.

There is no rush with it, but sooner or later you'll 
have to do it anyway. Preferably before y7mail 
censors their own invoices.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Thanks to Ellie for this story:
One day I took my 6-year-old son with me to visit a friend at work.
Everyone there knew me, and I was offered a cup of coffee.

That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, my son
followed her and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered.

Imagine my shock when I heard my son say, "Wow! You know 
how to make beer?"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Craft Patterns
I love to sew, but one thing I don't like is trying to get the 
pattern pieces back into those little envelopes that have 
the pattern in it originally. I knew I had to do something. 
I went to an office supply store and bought some cheap 
file folders. I sew them along the sides then cut the 
pattern envelope to the size of the file folder and tape or 
glue it on the outside. It is so much easier to fold the 
pattern pieces to fit the file folder. I bought a file 
cabinet at an auction for $1.00 and I was set. 
No more frustration.

By Carole from Klamath, CA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits 
and demerits of various ways of preserving health.

One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the 
subject.
"Look at me!" he said.  "Never a day's sickness in my life, 
and all due to simple food.  Why, gentlemen," he continued, 
"from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely 
simple regular life --- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, 
no extravagances.  Every day, in fact, summer and winter, 
I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in
the morning.  I worked from eight to one, then had dinner
--a plain dinner, mark my words! 
After that, an hour's exercise; then.."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the 
corner, "but what were you in prison for that long ???"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


An airline captain was breaking in a very new stewardess. 
The route they were flying had a stay-over in another city. 
Upon their arrival the captain showed the stewardess the 
best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay 
overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for
the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her
up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get
out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, 
"Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in here," 
she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, 
and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"





 
» Puerto Rican Rain Forest 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 27

I am amazed at the boneheadedness of Obamanov's advisors.
Obviously they don't realize, that the lenders are getting rather
concerned. Their reluctance to reduce taxes to encourage
economic recovery just makes them look like idiots, who don't
understand the economy or the influence of taxes on it.
The juvenile delusion that taxing the job creators will get
the bills paid is insane. That didn't work for Stalin or 
anybody else, who tried that.

Hopefully somebody will clue them in before month-end!

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it 
himself." 
---A.H. Weiler

Always forgive your enemies - 
nothing annoys them so much.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Plato had slaves...George Washington had slaves... 
So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men? 
Of course I do! They're dead!
--- Todd Andrew Reid



A golfer is playing a round of golf with his buddies.  On the sixth
hole, a hole over water, he proceeds to flub nine balls into the water. 
Frustrated over his poor golfing ability, and about ready to hit
somebody, he heaves his golf clubs into the water, and begins to walk
off the course.

Then all of a sudden he turns around and jumps back in the lake, his
buddies apparently thinking he is going to retrieve his clubs.
When he comes out of the water he doesn't have his clubs and begins to
walk off the course.

Then one of his buddies asks, "Why did you jump into the lake?"

He replied, "I left my car keys in the bag."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Thanks to Andy for this story:
As my five year old son and I were headed to
McDonald's one day, we passed a car accident. 
 
Usually when we see something terrible like that, we say a prayer
for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my
son, "We should pray."
        
From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
"Please, God, don't let those cars block the 
entrance to McDonald's."



Thanks to Sue for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

Daturas

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Jack Van Sickle, 28, Des Moines, Iowa

Driver accused of ramming Des Moines police cruiser
A Des Moines man is in custody for ramming a Des Moines 
police squad car repeatedly Thursday night and early today 
during a chase.

Jack Daniel Van Sickle, 28, is charged with felony eluding, 
assault on a police officer and driving while his license 
was suspended.

He is held in the Polk County Jail on $10,500 bond.

Officer Paul Parizek followed Van Sickle’s vehicle at about 
11:55 p.m. Thursday because Van Sickle allegedly made 
an improper lane change. “Concerned that the driver may 
be impaired I followed after the car to further monitor it’s 
operation,” the officer wrote in a report

When Van Sickle signaled a left turn and then turned right 
shortly thereafter, Parizek activated emergency lights and 
tried to pull him over. After slowing to a stop on East Grand 
Avenue near East 19th Street, Van Sickle reportedly sped 
away, followed by the officer. Speeds reached 70 mph on 
Capitol Avenue, according to the report.

After the suspect’s vehicle appeared to slide under a parked 
semi trailer in a parking lot, Parizek prepared to get out of 
his police cruiser.

“I could see Van Sickle looking at me,” the officer wrote. 
“Van Sickle then suddenly backed up with his car, striking 
mine in the front push dumper area. I thought this may have 
been unintentional at first, but when I didn’t move, Van Sickle, 
while looking directly at me, did it a second time.”

The suspect managed to get away again and raced off down 
Capitol Avenue. Parizek attempted to disable the fleeing 
vehicle by sending it into a spin with a bumper tap. 
Van Sickle accelerated. The bumper of the officer’s car 
became wedged under the passenger door of Van Sickle’s car, 
the officer wrote in his report.

“I could feel Van Sickle  accelerating and bumping his car 
into mine,” the officer said. Another officer rammed his squad 
car into the fleeing Chevrolet Impala.

Parizek applied his brakes and was able to bring the chase 
to a halt. The officer was trapped in his squad car so he 
crawled out a window. Other officers arrived and helped 
remove the suspect from the car.

Officers are checking to see if Van Sickle was impaired 
at the time.

Van Sickle’s car was impounded. Officer Parizek’s car 
was disabled and towed from the scene.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Ann
Re: Email notice about Microsoft update

Dear Webby
can you please let me have the directions for the update for the 
Microsoft Windows Security Update. I recieved 2 notifications 
about it in my mail but both were infected with a worm virus. 
I am not sure if this was sent from Microsoft and the worm 
attached itself along the way, or if it was sent by a nasty type!! 
I have been away for a while and heard about the update from 
friends. Is it necessary to download this?
Thanks Ann

Dear Ann
First, change the date on your computer.
Because your date is incorrect, your mail gets lost 
way back in amongst long taken care of mail. I found 
yours accidentally, because I had to go back there for 
some other mail.

DON'T install or use those phony update notices!
Just carefully find and delete the attachments, then 
delete those mails.

Microsoft does NOT EVER send out update notices, 
especially not from AOL or Yahoo addresses. They have
a lot more class than that. 

Windows has an option built in for automatically getting 
updates directly from Microsoft. Just click on the desktop,
hit F1, and seachr for "updating" to see how that is handled
by the version of Windows that you are using.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





A Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog. 
Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must 
also be a Baptist. 

They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. 
Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he 
had just the dog they wanted.  The owner brought the dog 
to meet the pastor and his wife. 

"Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the 
bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and 
brought it to the owner. 

"Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. 

The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous 
dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct 
passage, pointed to it with his paw. 

The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased 
the dog. 

That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The 
pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him 
locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very 
impressed. 

One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" 

"I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. 

He pointed his finger at the dog. "Heel!" the pastor 
commanded. 

The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw 
on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. 

The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, 
"Good Lord! He's Pentecostal!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Honey Bottle in a Mason Jar
I buy the plastic squeeze bottles of honey at the grocery 
store and they always drip and leave a "honey ring" in my 
cabinet. So here's a great tip. Put the honey bottle right 
inside a mason jar or other jar that it will fit into. No more 
honey drips! The drips stay in the jar and with a lid on it, 
the bugs and ants aren't attracted to it!

By tltrani from Boulder Creek, CA

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

A well cleaned out shampoo pumper works fine for honey.
At worst, you get one precise drop of honey oozing out of 
the long spout after usage, but it is easy enough to catch 
that with one finger. The container stayes clean and dry.
Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



Thanks to Bob for this story:
During my freshman year at East Texas State University 
in Commerce, I worked nights as a waiter. The following 
year, wanting my evenings free, I applied for a dormitory 
maintenance job and was asked, 
"How are you on punctuality?" 

"Oh, I'm good at that," I blurted out without thinking. 
"I'm an English major."



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Two Irishmen are walking along. One says to the other,
"What a beautiful night Mick, just look at dat moon."

Mick stops and looks at his friend. "You're wrong Paddy, 
dat's not the moon, dat's the sun."

They began to argue when they come upon another Irishmen.

"Excuse us sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell
us what's dat ting up in the sky shining. Is it the moon or the
sun?"

"Sorry fellas, I don't live around here."





 
» More Pat-Downs 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 26

A few readers pointed out that, if you have W7 Premium or 
Home Premium, then there are more email programs to select
as default, however, only few of the full featured legacy programs
popular in industry and commerce. It is no problem, though,
since they all start fine when called from a desktop icon, and
it is not that big a hardship, not being able to mail from
the file explorer. Most people can get used to that with just 
minor griping and cussing.

Last night I did major griping and cussing, when the DSL
failed three hours before sending out the newsletters.
With Telus, the night shift support is just some Taliban, 
who try to blame problems on you and waste time until you 
hang up on them.

I did manage to send everything out via slow dial-up, but
as you can probably imagine, I was not happy about that.
When I called them again in the morning, they realised
that almost 300 DSL clients were cut off and admitted, 
that it was not my fault after all. Early afternoon the DSL 
was restored, and I could work at normal speed again.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





We are all apt to believe what the world believes about us.
--- George Eliot

The artist doesn't have time to listen to the critics.  
The ones who want to be writers read the reviews,  
the ones who want to write don't have the time to read reviews.
--- William Faulkner



Working for a pediatrician calls for stifling a chuckle from 
time to time. When a frantic mother phoned to tell us her baby 
had a high temperature of 102, we had to know whether she was 
taking the reading under the arm, in the mouth or elsewhere. 

So we asked, "How are you taking it?" 

Her reply: "Oh, I'm holding up pretty well!" 



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




A small boy stunned his parents when he began to empty his 
pockets of nickels, dimes and quarters.  

Finally his mother said, "Where did you get all that money?"  

"At Sunday School," the boy replied nonchalantly. "They have 
big bowls of it."



Thanks to dad for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Shanda Kidd, 22, in Chicago, Ill.

Woman’s bullets fell out of gun 
just before she tried to shoot cop

Shandra Kidd didn’t realize her gun was empty when she tried 
to shoot a Chicago Police officer.

All the bullets fell out when she was running from the officer.

Unfortunately for her, the officer’s gun was loaded. 
And the officer shot her in the buttocks.

On Thursday, Kidd was sentenced to 55 years in prison for 
attempted murder and unlawful possession of a weapon by a 
felon.

In May 2007, officers were investigating a report of shots 
fired near 78th and Burnham when they stopped a car 
Kidd was riding in. She ran and when an officer caught her, 
she stuck a gun in the officer’s chest and pulled the trigger.

But the gun didn’t go off.

The officer and Kidd struggled and they fell down. When 
they got up, she stuck the gun in the officer’s chest again 
and again pulled the trigger.

Again, it didn’t go off.

That’s when the officer shot Kidd, 22, of the 7700 block of 
South Phillips.

Police later found that the cylinder of Kidd’s gun had opened 
during the chase and all the bullets had fallen out.

Judge Neil Linehan sentenced Kidd on Thursday.
“This is a fitting and a just sentence for anyone who would be 
so bold as to fire a gun at a police officer,” Cook County State’s 
Attorney Anita Alvarez said. “We are grateful that this officer was 
uninjured in this incident and we will continue to prosecute violent 
crimes against police officers to the fullest extent of the law.”

In most other states she would not have survived THAT much
boneheadedness. 



From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Helen
Re: Black menu bar in IE8

Hi, Webby,
Any idea how my menu bar in Internet Explorer could have 
gotten blacked out?
The headings are still there under the black, and they are 
lightly visible when you click on the help menu, but it goes 
back to black when you exit the help pop-up.
A couple of other bars are black, also.  This is IE8.
 
THANKS!!
Helen

Dear Helen
I switched from IE6 to FireFox and 
spared myself all those headaches.

Microsoft is confused about that black bar bug too, not just you.
Microsoft

This guy seems to have found a way around that problem:
Fix black menu bug
Just get into High Contrast mode and out of that again, 
as fast as possible, and it will be fine. Don't stay in 
High Contrast mode, because a lot of stuff simply does not 
work in that mode.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Q: How can you tell if a Redneck is Working in your Office?
A: The monitor is up on blocks.
----------
Put the computer up on blocks!
It will suck a lot fewer dust bunnies into it's innards and run
a lot cooler.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Flavoring Water Without Adding Calories
I can't consume artificial sweetener of any kind without 
getting really sick, so I freeze chunks of fresh fruit and 
put in the freezer to use as a flavoring and cooling agent. 
Pineapple, lemons, limes, apples, pears, watermelon, 
and honeydew are all good choices. I also like the Lipton 
tea bags with herb and orange. A few dips of a tea bag in 
a glass of water with ice will get me 3 glasses of slightly 
flavored beverage that changes up just plain water.

By T and T Grandma from Benson, MN

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



A proud mother telephoned a Sunday newspaper to announce she had 
given birth to triplets. The line was bad, and the operator 
didn't hear the message. "Would you repeat that?", the operator 
asked. 

"Not if I can help it, " said the mother.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


A woman was waiting at an airport one night,
With several long hours before her flight.
She hunted for a book in the airport shops,
Bought a bag of cookies and found a place to drop.

She was engrossed in her book but happened to see,
That the man sitting beside her, as bold as could be.
Grabbed a cookie or two from the bag in between,
Which she tried to ignore to avoid a scene.

So she munched the cookies and watched the clock,
As the gutsy cookie thief diminished her stock.
She was getting more irritated as the minutes ticked by,
Thinking, "If I wasn't so nice, I would blacken his eye."

With each cookie she took, he took one too,
When only one was left, she wondered what he would do.
With a smile on his face, and a nervous laugh,
He took the last cookie and broke it in half.

He offered her half, as he ate the other,
She snatched it from him and thought...oooh, brother.
This guy has some nerve and he's also rude,
Why he didn't even show any gratitude!

She had never known when she had been so galled,
And sighed with relief when her flight was called.
She gathered her belongings and headed to the gate,
Refusing to look back at that thieving ingrate.

She boarded the plane, and sank in her seat,
Then sought her book, which was almost complete.
As she reached in her baggage, she gasped with surprise,
There was her bag of cookies, in front of her eyes.

If mine are here, she moaned with despair,
The others were his, and he tried to share.
Too late to apologize, she realized with grief,
That she was the rude one, the ingrate, the thief.





 
» More Pat-Downs 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 25

A friend changed her email address, again. 
I asked her why she keeps doing that and being a nuisance?
She claims, it is the only way to escape the spam.

Considering, that I have used humor@webby.com for about
15 years, unchanged, I had to laugh about that wacky notion.

Expecting everybody else to update your address every time
you think you are getting mor spam, than you can cope with,
just makes you look incompetent. Are you sure, you should be
allowed onto a computer without competent supervision?

I use MailWasher, and have since the last century. 
Wow, that makes me sound old! Actually, it was just a dozen 
or so years ago, that I first got it.

The main advantages of MailWasher are:
1) It, and you, sort the mail on the server, prior to 
downloading it. You only download the mails, that you are
actually going to read / answer / file. You don't waste time
on spam.

2) It is childishly easy to make filters, that will make sure 
mail from specific addresses always gets through, no matter 
what they write about. Yes, Mom MIGHT be joking about a topic,
that you normally consider spam, so you need a reliable way
to get her mail through.

3) MailWasher lets you easily click together very sophsticated
filters using your own rules and regulations and exceptions.

4) It is surprisingly cheap, and it is really easy to transfer
from an old to a new machine. I highly recommend
MailWasher.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"Whoever could make two ears of corn ... 
grow upon a spot of ground 
where only one grew before, 
would deserve better of mankind .. 
than the whole race of politicians put together."
--- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)



The sermon had been going on too long, and the minister
should have been able to see the congregation getting more
than a little restless; he droned on none-the-less for yet
another 15 minutes.  Finally he paused and said, "What else
can I say, Brothers and Sisters?"

"How about 'Amen,' preacher?" said a hungry soul from the
rear of the church.



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




A van carrying a dozen movie stunt men on the way to a film 
location in the mountains spun out of control on the ravel road, 
crashed through a guardrail, rolled down a 190-foot embankment, 
came to stop on it's roof, and burst into flames. 
There were no injuries.





Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Leroy Shaffer, 72, in St Francis, Minn

Councilman mails fake grenade to himself 

ST. FRANCIS, Minn. (AP) - Police say a city council member 
in Minnesota mailed himself a fake grenade to gain sympathy 
from his constituents.

Leroy Schaffer was cited for filing a false police report after 
calling St. Francis officers last week to report a suspicious 
package he received in the mail. Schaffer showed the officer 
a package postmarked from Chicago in his mailbox.

Police say the councilman told the officer he thought it was a 
bomb because "he was in politics and has a lot of enemies.'' 
Schaffer insisted the officer open the package. And, when the 
officer declined, Schaffer ripped it open to reveal what looked 
like a real hand grenade. A note in the box said "The next one 
will be real.''

When Schaffer was interviewed by detectives, he admitted 
driving to Chicago and mailing himself the package in order to 
gain sympathy from the public. 

The mayor and town council don't get along with Shaffer and
don't have any kind words about him, and two local women have
restraining orders against him, however, he traditionally gets 
a lot more votes than any other town councilors.

After being charged in the fake bomb incident, he now has 
resigned from town council.



From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Peggy
Re: Changing the default email program in W7

I have a friend that uses Window 7, and hates the mail program 
because she can't use her stationery---what would be the best 
email program for her to change to, so she can use her pretty 
stationery?   Thank you for your help.  
Peggy

Dear Peggy
She will have to contact Microsoft Support.
Due to very snotty programming, Windows 7 does not allow you 
to set other email programs as default email programs, well 
not without some very serious messing around in the Registry.

She can use other email programs by starting them from an 
icon or from MailWasher, but highlighting a picture or music and 
hitting "SEND" in the explorer defaults to Windows Live Mail.
Yes, the Europeans are planning to sue them about it, like they
did about them making IE the default.

Eudora still works fine in W7, and has handled stationery just fine
for about 20 years. Except for W7 not allowing it as a default 
SEND program, it works just fine on W7. Thunderbird and many
other email programs also work fine on W7, as long as you
start them from an icon or call them from MailWasher.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Thanks to Rosa for this story:
Years ago while attending a dinner party hosted by some friends 
of mine the hostess served a meal with this delicious mushroom 
sauce. After the meal there was a small amount left over and the 
hostess decided to allow her pregnant cat to enjoy the treat as 
well as the guests. The guests all felt it was a great gesture and 
showed the cat was a member of the family.

The sauce was the highlight of the evenings topic of conversation,
everyone commented on how delicious it was, and the hostess 
beamed at all the compliments. One of the guest commented that 
toadstools were much like mushrooms except for being toxic, and 
how funny it would be is such a culinary treat were made from that 
instead.

As if on cue, the pet cat started crying and squirming on the floor,
clutching its belly. The hostess exclaimed, "Oh my God, it's the
mushroom sauce!"

We all went to the emergency room in a mad rush, and had our 
stomachs pumped after telling them we had eaten poisonous 
mushrooms. This was an extremely unpleasant experience.

We we got back, the cat was lying on the floor peacefully looking 
up at us, and had given birth to kittens.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a Window Fan To Cool Home
To keep your house comfy and save money on electricity 
during summertime, buy an exhaust fan that you can easily 
mount/dismount in one of your windows. Use two cheap 
thermometers, or just use your senses, to check whether 
outside temps are lower than inside. When the outside temp 
is lower than inside, turn on the exhaust fan. It will expel warm 
air and cool air must then enter to replace it. You must have 
at least one other window or door open. Stand in front of it 
and enjoy.

By tomatohanger from Canton, OH

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Buy a louvred barn exhaust fan with sturdy aluminum louvres
to maintain good security. Those barn fans also usually have 
strong metal mosquito screens keeping bugs and birds out,
plus, when the fan is not running, the metal louvres fall shut.

They are fairly cheap, but don't go too big or powerful!
half Horsepower should be the absolute maximum, but
a quarter HP is usually plenty.

If you need fast cooling, for example when you et home
from work, hang a blanket onto the opposite window,
where you pull in fresh air from the shady side, and
connect an aquarium pump to a mister spray, that will
spray a very fine mist of water onto the outside of the
blanket. Ideally, the blanket should not drip, and all the 
mist should be evaporated. The system will take all the
necessary evaporation heat, 625 calories per gram of
water, from the air, that gets pulled through the blanket
or curtain. 

This trick works very well in reasonably dry climates, 
but not so well in damp, muggy areas.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to 
me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded 
with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the 
seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little
girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her 
lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little 
lady straining to see what I was holding.

"What ya got, mister?" she asked.
(Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind 
her business.)

I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and 
says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?"

(Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear 
telling her to sit down.)

I said, "they're for my girlfriend".

The little 5 year old said, again with a loud, piercing voice: 
"WOW, pretty RED ones, and a LOT of them, too! 
Man, you really must have f****d up!"

Her mother turned as red as the roses, but all the
other passengers bust a gut laughing.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her 
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had 
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but 
would and then call back.

When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor 
called and asked her what had happened. She said, 
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a 
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"





 
» More Pat-Downs 

Dear Mother-in-Law

Please don't try to tell me how to raise my kids -
I'm married to one of yours and believe me there's room for improvement!

Yours sincerely Your Daughter-in-Law

Tweet

[ view entry ] ( 305 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 754 )

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 24

The most asked about buzz word this month is "cloud computing".
Am I ready for cloud computing?
Well, I have been doing it since about 1994. 
What's the big deal?
Well, it seems to be a big deal when Microsoft or Google are 
involved. I agree, Google Docs and Google spreadsheets are
going to be quite neat, some day. You can already have a
very basic spreadsheet on the cloud, and have a few people
on different locations mess with it. 

"Ya mean just like PowWow Draw 20 years ago, where people
in different locations could work on the same presentation?"
Yes, Gramma, just like that, only now owned and promoted 
by big name corporations.

Wikipedia is another example of cloud computing. People from
different locations can add to documents or edit and correct them.

Cloud computing is more or less just shifting an office LAN into
a WAN (Wide Area Network).

The Internet Postcards, that we have been providing since 1994,
are "on the cloud". People visit the card sites, select pictures,
music, poetry, compose a message and send the card off to 
somebody, without ever downloading any file or data into the
computer, that they are using. The recipient then gets a pick-up
notice and goes to view the postcard on the net.
That is true cloud computing, just withhout confusing buzz words.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





"Love is that condition in which the happiness
of another person is essential to your own"
--- Robert A. Heinlein

"The difference between a job and a career is 
the difference between forty and sixty hours a 
week."
--- Robert Frost



One of my first assignments on a summer job at an 
auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and 
some door repairs. 

I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner came 
to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. 

"What's wrong?" I asked. 

Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the 
paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a 
host of other nitpicking little problems. He demanded an 
explanation and that it be re-done.

"The repairs were to the other side," I noted. "You 
smashed in the passenger side, not the driver side. 
This side I only hosed off some of the dirt."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




*Dumb Sports Quotes*
“Left hand, right hand, it doesn’t matter. I’m amphibious.” 
--- Charles Shackleford

“Any time Detroit scores more than 100 points and holds the 
other team below 100 points, they almost always win.” 
--– Doug Collins

*"I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." 
--- Greg Norman

*"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, 
but none of them serious."
--- Alan Minter

*"The Queen's Park Oval, exactly as its name suggests, is absolutely
round."
--- Tony Crozier

“The drivers have one foot on the brake, one on the clutch, 
and one on the throttle.” 
--– Bob Varsha

“You can sum up this sport [boxing] in two words: ‘You never know.’” 
--- Lou Duva

“He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning 
regardless of what time it is.” 
--– Lou Deva… again.

“The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.” 
–-- Randy Cross

After being asked if he preferred grass or Astroturf, 
he responded with this gem.
“I dunno. I never smoked any Astroturf.” 
--– Tug Mcgraw

“Baseball is 90% mental. The other half is physical.” 
--– Yogi Berra

“If you come to a fork in the road, take it.”
--- Yogi Berra





Click through the picture to the large version.
Just the volcano

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

John Onak, 49, in Houston, Texas

Perp kept Driving After Hitting, Killing Pedestrian 
(Who Crashed Through Windshield Into His Front Seat) 

The Houston man, 49, was charged in connection with a collision 
early this morning that resulted in the death of a 32-year-old man, 
who had exited his Ford Explorer after it broke down on a freeway. 
The victim was struck by Onak’s Mazda around 12:30 AM as he 
sought to cross the roadway.

Onak, police reported, did not stop driving, despite the fact 
that the victim “went through the front windshield and came 
to a rest in the front passenger seat of the Mazda.” 

Onak, pictured in the above mug shot, was later stopped by a 
cop who noticed that the vehicle “had extensive front-end damage.” 
And that there was a dead guy riding shotgun.

“The driver advised the deputy that he had hit something 
on the freeway but was not aware the victim was lying in the 
passenger seat,” according to a Houston Police Department 
press release. “Onak was believed to be under the influence and 
a mandatory blood draw was taken.”

Onak was charged with felony accident involving injury, though 
the investigation is continuing and additional charges could be 
forthcoming.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Fanny
Re: Uninstall programs on W7

Dear Webby
Windows 7 would not be so bad, if the dummies had not hid 
everything in different places. Is there ANY reason at all 
for moving the gas pedal into the ashtray and the brake
behind the rear view mirror? Is there ANY reason for doing
that, aside from proving they are user-hostile arsehoes
and know the sheeple let them get away with it?

And where the heck did they hide Control Panel, 
Add/Remove Programs ?
Fanny

Dear Fanny
I feel the same way about Windows 7. That is why Vista
was such a failure. They moved stuff around without any 
reason whatsoever, and annoyed everybody. 

To dump a program go to
Control Panel
All Control Panel Items
Programs and Features

Expect having to reboot after un-installing programs. W7 is
a bit too flakey to cope with that without rebooting, so save
and close everything else, before uninstalling any program.

By the way, was that a typo, or is that a new description
of the makers of W7 ?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and  looks forward 
     to his adultery.
                  ***********************************
Q: Give the meaning of the term  "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome.

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Salt Pour Spout With Canning Jars
When finished with an empty cardboard salt container, 
cut the whole round top piece off and measure to fit a 
canning jar ring. Trace and cut with the flat part with 
scissors to fit a pint canning jar. Fill the jar with sugar, 
then cut a second one from a second empty salt container 
for non-dairy coffee creamer. The pour spouts make 
for easy access to your sugar and creamer.

*If desired, half pint jars can be used instead of pint jars.

Source: my grandmother

By Monica from Cortez, CO

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

No new tip today, so I'll add my contribution to this one.
You can get "Sugar In The Raw" in a tubular salt  container
style cardboard dispenser, with a rotating top suitable for
sprinkling, fast dispensing and refilling. When you turn it
far enough, you can insert a finger size funnel and refill
it easily from a bag.

If you paint the cardboard with an acrylic or enamel paint
or varnish, that makes it washable and it will last you a 
lifetime. 

I don't remember how much I paid for that sugar container
twenty or so years ago, but I am sure it was a lot less than
a glass and chrome sugar dispenser.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



I'm a counsellor who helps coordinate support groups for
visually-impaired adults.

Many participants have a condition known as macular degeneration, which
makes it difficult for them to distinguish facial features.

I had just been assigned to a new group and was introducing myself.

Knowing that many in the group would not be able to see me well, I
jokingly said, "For those of you who can't see me, I've been told that I
look like a cross between Paul Newman and Robert Redford."

Immediately, one woman called out, "We're not THAT blind!"



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


Thanks to Earl for this one:
I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, 
and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious 
assault of all time?" 

Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found 
instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs." 





 
» Puyehue, big pictures 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 23

I sure was shocked and saddened to read about the events
in Oslo. Let's hope there won't be any copy-cat incidents!

I was not impressed when some of the media immediately started
pointing fingers at Gadafi, just because Norway enthusiastically
tests their F-16s, whenever somebody reports a short runt
with cool shades, driving a Jeep and accompanied by two tall 
women. Gadafi got blamed for Lockerbie, and punished as if
he had been involved, and is not likely to get involved with
anything like that, especially since Norway has announced
last week, that they expect to run out of bombs by August 1.
Actually, Gadafi condemned the attack

When blond, blue-eyed Norwegian farmer Anders Behring Breivik
was arrested, the media ignored their finger pointing and 
instread reported the arrested terrorist's social media status. 

Apparently he studied at the Oslo Commerce School, and is 
described as considering himself a Christian, conservative, 
nationalist and a one-time Freemason.
His social-media accounts identify him as an admirer of 
Winston Churchill as well as social liberal philosopher John 
Stuart Mill, whom he quoted on his Twitter account before 
the incident.

His profile definitely did not raise any alarms, and made him
look like an ordinary, average Norwegian.

DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Why can't life's problems hit us when we're 
seventeen and know everything?  
--- A.C. Jolly



Charlott stormed into the eye surgeon's office and went 
up to the desk.
"Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,
and left me theirs, " she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down.  
"I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such 
a thing," he said.  "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was 
cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your 
cataract operation was a success."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Annie has been sending resumes to just about any company
in the area, whether they were looking for people or not.

She went the e-mail route for awhile.  Sending electronic
cover letters and attaching her resume to each one.  But
after three months the poor girl was dismayed and confused
that she had not received even ONE request for an interview.

She finally broke down and called one of the prospective
employers she'd sent a resume to.  He explained the
problem.

"Annie, the problem was that your resume wasn't attached
as indicated.  I do want to thank you, though, for the great
lasagna recipe."

-----------------------
That's actually a failry old joke.

However, sending resumes as an attachment is a dumb move. 
It's too risky to open an attachment, especially if it is a 
WORD doc and may be full of macros.
That goes straight into the trash, unread, right from MailWasher. 
Depending on my mood, I might even bounce it back at the
sender.

The only resumes I look at are those that come in a very 
short email with a brief summary and a link to a detailed 
resume on a web page.

While there is a dire shortage of people to work on construction
or in the trades, there is a huge surplus of people who want
to work on the web. If you don't make it easy to get hired,
you won't be hired. 





Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 

Alexandria Marie Penatzer, 18, Levi Wells, 18 and two other 
crooks in Myrtle Beach, South Carolina

Man Beaten With Bible During South Carolina 
Motel Room Assault

During a motel room beating administered by three attackers, 
a South Carolina man was struck in the head by a Bible and 
told by one of his assailants that he needed to read the 
Good Book.

The bizarre incident Sunday resulted in the arrest of the trio as 
well as the 19-year-old victim’s "girlfriend", who had traveled with 
the victim to the Myrtle Beach motel, where the couple 
“had sex a few times.”

For some reason, after the victim fell asleep, Alexandria 
Marie Penatzer, 18, allegedly allowed three men into the room, 
where they beat and robbed the victim. According to a Myrtle 
Beach Police Department report, one of the attackers, 
Levi Wells, hit the victim on the head with a thrown Bible 
“and told him that he needed to read it.”

The 18-year-old Wells and two other men were charged with 
burglary, armed robbery, and kidnapping. Penatzer was charged 
with assault and battery, and acting as an accessory both before 
and after the commission of a felony.

The incident at the Myrtle Beach Holiday South Motel does not 
appear to be an isolated incident, according to recent reviews 
on Trip Advisor.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Penny
Re: Windows 7 - Hotmail clash

Hello,Webby,
I have a computer problem and I am hoping you can help me!  
You seem to be able to help everyone who writes you!  
My problem deals with getting this message: "default mail client
is not properly installed."  This stops me from sending 
answers to people!  I have a relatively new computer and 
never got this message on my old computer.  What must 
I do to correct this problem?

I have no idea and I am not a whiz at computers!  Do you 
have any idea what this is about and what must I do to 
correct it?
Thanks for any help,
I love your newsletter!
Penny

Dear Penny
That sounds like a clash between Windows 7 and Hotmail.
You will have to contact Microsoft about that.

Windows 7 has problems recognizing a lot of popular
email programs, even their own Hotmail. 

However, even though it whines and snivels, if you don't
use Windows Live mail, the other email programs still work.
It is quite safe to ignore the thilly sniveling.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





After living in the remote wilderness of Texas all his life, 
Sam decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of 
the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How 'bout that! 
Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he 
remembered that Betty-Sue, his wife, didn't like his father.

So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving 
for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Betty-Sue began to get suspicious of these many trips to
the barn.

One day after Sam left, she searched the barn and found 
the mirror. As she looked into the glass, Betty-Sue fumed, 
"So that's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with! Just wait
till he gets back from the fields!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Reuse Salt Pour Spout With Canning Jars
When finished with an empty cardboard salt container, 
cut the whole round top piece off and measure to fit a 
canning jar ring. Trace and cut with the flat part with 
scissors to fit a pint canning jar. Fill the jar with sugar, 
then cut a second one from a second empty salt container 
for non-dairy coffee creamer. The pour spouts make 
for easy access to your sugar and creamer.

*If desired, half pint jars can be used instead of pint jars.

Source: my grandmother

By Monica from Cortez, CO

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



Today I overheard a young woman who was talking with an 
older woman, apparently her mother. 
"I haven't slept in three days," she complained. 
"The baby is teething and he's up all night crying."

"Why don't you just wet a finger with some brandy or a sweet
liqeur and rub it on his gums. That will numb them up and put 
him right to sleep." answered mom.

"I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do
to him."

"Well, it never hurt you any."

The look on her face was priceless.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


It took many hours, but they removed ALL of Tammy Faye 
Baker's make up,...
and do you know what they found?
Jimmy Hoffa!





 
» Frozen Lake Photos 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you, Richard!

Some asked me how Microsoft got away with paying just 7% tax.
Easy, by running most of their business trhough off-shore
tax havens like Puerto Rico, Singapore, Ireland, etc.

In addition to that, Windows 7 sales turned out to be as dismal 
as Vista, or worse. Actually, most of those "sales" are not
really honest sales to end users. Most of the time computer
manufacturers just have some sweet deal with Microsoft and
the end user only gets a non-transferable usage license tied
to a specific computer. Unlike previous versions, where 
you could for example buy XP and put it onto whatever machine
you wanted to, with Windows 7 you just paid for the limited
rights to use it on a specific machine, that you bought from 
DELL or Acer or HP.

In their advetising, though, Microsoft counts it as a sale.

In spite of all those tricky manipulations, most of Microsoft's
income this quarter came from Xbox and office software.
Will they learn and start to listen what people want?

No, of course not. Don't be silly!

They are frantically working on Windows 8 and they expect 
you to get ready to switch to tablet PCs next year. They say
change is good for you. 

Personally, I am glad that XP still works fine on large 
monitors, and I am in absolutely no hurry to change to small
tablets.

Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





At no time is freedom of speech more precious 
than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. 
--- Socratex

The more you observe politics, the more you've 
got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
--- Will Rogers



The End Of The World
When the end of the world arrives how will the media report it?

USA Today: WE'RE DEAD

The Wall Street Journal: DOW JONES PLUMMETS AS WORLD ENDS

National Enquirer: SHEEP MISSING ALL OVER WORLD

Microsoft Systems Journal: APPLE LOSES MARKET SHARE

Sports Illustrated: GAME OVER

Wired: THE LAST NEW THING

Rolling Stone: THE GRATEFUL DEAD REUNION TOUR

Readers Digest: BYE

Discover Magazine: HOW WILL THE EXTINCTION OF ALL LIFE AS 
WE KNOW IT AFFECT THE WAY WE VIEW THE COSMOS?

TV Guide: DEATH AND DAMNATION: NIELSON RATINGS SOAR!

Lady's Home Journal: LOSE 10 LBS. BY JUDGEMENT DAY WITH 
OUR NEW "ARMAGEDDON" DIET!

America Online: SYSTEM TEMPORARILY DOWN. TRY CALLING 
BACK IN 100 YEARS

Inc. magazine: TEN WAYS YOU CAN PROFIT FROM THE 
APOCALYPSE

Microsoft's Web Site: IF YOU DIDN'T EXPERIENCE THE RAPTURE, 
DOWNLOAD SOFTWARE PATCH RAPT777.EXE.

IBM: ARMAGEDDON TOLERANT SOFTWARE NOW AVAILABLE!

The New York Times: Proof that Bush policies caused global warming

Boston Globe: STRONG N.E. WINDS PREDICTED

Cuba Libre: AMERICA BLOWS UP WORLD

Arizona Republic: Temperatures expected to hit 1016 F today.



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Q:  How many believable, competent, "just-right-for-the-job"
governor candidates does it take to change a light bulb?

A:  It's going to be a dark for a while, isn't it?





Click through the picture to the large version.
Puyehue Volcano

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 
Carl Thomas, 63, Oklahoma City

Wrong way to date
OKLAHOMA CITY -- Oklahoma City police said a woman fought off 
a home intruder with a box fan and the intruder left behind a 
crucial piece of evidence -- his wallet.

Police said a mother was asleep in her room early Tuesday 
morning along with her six children when she woke up to 
63-year-old Carl Thomas climbing in the window above her bed.

The homeowner told police she saw two arms reaching into her 
room and that's when she grabbed the fan next to her bed and hit 
Thomas in the back.

When Oklahoma City Police arrived they found the intruder's 
clothing scattered on the ground next to the window where the 
break-in occurred.

Police found a leather wallet inside the pocket of the shorts, and 
inside they found a man's identification card.

While police were still investigating, they overheard the neighbor's 
dog barking and, with their flashlight, caught a glimpse of Thomas 
in white boxers and socks trying to jump a fence in the 400 block 
of NW 79th Street.

Although Thomas tried to run, K-9 officer's tracked him down, 
according to the police report. Police said Thomas was bitten by 
the K-9 in the process and transported to the Hospital.

The victim was able to identify him as the man who she had seen 
in her window.

The woman told police Thomas had made several attempts to date her, 
but she refused each time. Thomas was booked into Jail and now 
faces burglary charges.


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Linda
Re: Registry Booster

Dear Webby
HELP  this is the best part of your letter. I love it.and of course I
have a problem, I hope you can help me.  Somehow I have acquired a
malware (uniblue registry booster)that my virus proctor missed.  every
time I open my computer it shows up on my desktop and I can not get
rid of it.what can I do without calling a tech person who charge you
to help.  I'm on disability and a fixed income so it's hard to come up
with extra money. there not cheap either.  thank you for any help you
can give me.
Linda

Dear Linda
UniBlue Registry Booster is not malware, not at all!
It is a tool, that cleans up your Registry, and that you 
or somebody in your family paid good money for.
It is not a free tool.

I would not advise to un-install it, 
even though that would be easy enough to do.
Just keep in mind, that it performs a very valuable task,
and let it do it's job.

The new version of Registry Booster lets you specify, 
when it should do it's job, so that it does not interfere when
you start up and are impatient to get to your email.

In the meantime, just relax and let it clean up the mess
Windows or users have made in the Registry.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am  tired of looking 
like everyone else!  I want a change!  
Part my hair from ear to ear!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! said the man.

The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left 
the shop.

Three hours passed and the man reentered the shop.  
"Put it back the way it was," he said.

"What's the matter?" said the barber.  "Are you tired of 
being a nonconformist already?" 

"No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering to my nose!"

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Banana Peels And Tea Bags for Roses
Give your rose bushes your used tea bags and banana peels. 
They will love you for it. Also hydrangeas will love the water 
from when you boil potatoes. You can also use the potato 
peels at the bottom of your plants.

By tennis4two from Madison, IN

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



There are more important things in life than money - 
but they won't go out with you if you're broke.



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest 
son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's
office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter,
as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle
this new situation.

"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.  "You didn't really 
do that, did you?"

"You will never get through basic training," scoffed another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just
staring at him.

When she finally spoke, she simply asked, 
"Do you really plan to make your own bed, EVERY morning?"





 
» Frozen Lake Photos 

   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 21

Remember 8 years ago, when the Hanoi Janes did everything 
they could to mess things up for the troops, just to put 
pressure on Bush? They even tried to divide and defeat the
"Wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!" effort,
by telling the sheeple to wear Democrat Blue on Fridays.

Looks like they are trying that again and forwarding the same
old emails all over. 
The answer is still the same: NO

As long as the poppies in Flanders' Fields are red,
it will be a spot of RED we use to show our support and 
respect for the troops, worldwide, no matter which government 
sent them in harm's way. A spot of red on Friday shows respect 
and support for all troops, fallen and surviving.

You can ask most vets, anywhere in the world, 
for a RED poppy or a bit of red for Friday.



If you need something blue, the Hanoi Jane Urinal Screens
are still qute popular.


Have FUN!
DearWebby



If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Just think, if there was no such thing as marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no
fault at all!
--- Socratex

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
--- Socratex



Thanks to Rosa for this one:
When my husband and I showed up at a very popular
restaurant,it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and
asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked
again, "How much of a wait?"

The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud-
speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."



Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill?
You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things
off or down, just simple know-how.
The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step.
If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!




Thanks to Deana for this one:
When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious 
university, our student guide pointed out the nationally ranked 
library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told us that 
the professors were the best in the world, and she 
recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve her 
chances for admission. "We get so many applicants,"
she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose 
this school?"

"Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend used to go
here, and now he works at the McDonalds across the street.
I can get a free ride to this University, but wold have to take 
the bus to the one on the other side of town."



Thanks to Larry for this picture:


Click through the picture to the large version.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
goes to 


Ryan Letchford, 21, and Jeffrey Olsen, 22,

Two drunks locked themselves inside police van 
RADNOR, Pa. (UPI) -- Police in Pennsylvania said they arrested 
two men who broke into a police van to take gag pictures and 
accidentally locked themselves inside the vehicle. 

Radnor police said Marlton, N.J., residents Ryan Letchford, 21, 
and Jeffrey Olsen, 22, left a party early Saturday and entered 
Constable Mike Connor's van, which had been in the parking 
lot of the condominium where the party was located, the 
Philadelphia Daily News reported Monday. 

Investigators said Letchford and Olsen, who are believed to 
have entered the van to take gag pictures of themselves 
being arrested, got locked in. Police said a friend found 
them in the van after they failed to return to the party and 
called 911 because he was unable to free them. 

Police contacted Connor, who said he must have left a door 
unlocked because there was no sign of forced entry. 

"I came down and unlocked the doors, and 'Dumb and Dumber' 
pranced out of the van," Connor said. "They looked a little 
embarrassed." 

Connor said the men had been smoking cigarettes and spitting 
while inside the vehicle. Cigarette butts and "a large amount 
of saliva" were in the van, police said. 

Letchford and Olsen were arrested and charged with attempted 
theft of a motor vehicle, public drunkenness and criminal mischief. 


From the Tech Support Pits:

From: Laura
Re: Restore the "Show Desktop" icon

Dear Webby
My mom had some misadventure with her computer and lost a 
bunch of stuff and files. Most of them she has since restored, 
although many files were not recovered (no backup!).  
Somehow she had also deleted her quick launch bar.  
I restored that the other day, but the button for "Show Desktop"
is not there.  How do I get that back for her?  
She has Windows 7.  
 
Thanks,
Laura

Dear Laura
The easiest way to show the desktop is to hit the 
Windows key and D

The alternative is a very cumbersome rigamarole that you can 
find if you click on the desktop, hit F1 and search for 
"How to Re-create the Show Desktop Icon on Quick Launch 
Toolbar"

Much easier to just take a fine line indelible felt pen and write  
 + D 
 onto the Windows key to remind her how to show the desktop.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


AD #2

If you can help with the server cost 

please donate what you can!





Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One 
day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car. 
"I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in." 

A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, 
stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease 
pit. 

"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels 
only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the 
pit." 

She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?" 

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Straws for Flower Arrangements
Short-stemmed flowers or curvy stems are hard to put in a 
floral arrangement. What I do is cut the stem under cold 
water and at an angle with sharp scissors. Next, put the 
stem into a plastic drinking straw and put into your own 
custom arrangement. VOILA! I save straws. Silly, I know, 
but I use the skinny ones for thin stemmed flowers and the 
thicker straws for fatter stemmed flowers and it works.

By rythumrat from St. Louis, MO

http://www.thriftyfun.com/
http://www.thriftyfun.com/

Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day,
or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun
Highly recommended!
If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:



The hostess (with a daughter of marriageable age)
sent out an invitation to an officer (who was supposed 
to be the prospective suitor of her daughter's hand).

"Mr.  and Mrs.  Dabney request the pleasure of 
Captain Black's company at dinner on the 26th of July."

She was somewhat dismayed to receive this
enthusiastic reply:

"With the exception of four men on leave, and 
two sick, Captain Black's company accept with much 
pleasure your invitation to dinner on the 26th
of July. There are 64 of us, that will show up. "



Ophelia Dingbatter's News


No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. 


The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got 
together and said: "If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we 
can't call it Jumping up and down. We need a fancy $10 name."





 
» Great Balls of Fire Nyiragongo Crater