Can vacuuming hurt a computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 23

Even though it cooled off at night to just a few degrees
above freezing, it sure was hot in daytime! During my 
evening walk up to the water tower and from there to the
hospital and the walking trail from there back down into
the valley, I carefully adjusted my route to include the 
shade of some tall pines. I didn't quite stop in the shade,
but I sure slowed down and enjoyed it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. --- Socratex "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." --- Mark Twain "Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." --- Robert Orben
A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides", and, "If there is room, we shall meet in Heaven."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Renata for this story: Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said. "It's my old Plymouth!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Antoine-Pierre, 52, in Port St Lucie, Florida Attack with potted Basil PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla., Aug. 19 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a woman accused of throwing a potted basil plant at her husband during an argument about his cooking. Port St. Lucie police said Andrea Antoine-Pierre, 52, arrived home Monday while her 60-year-old husband, whose name was not released, was preparing food in the kitchen, TCPalm.com reported Friday. "They then began to argue about what type of meat was supposed to be cooked," the police report states. The husband told police he was walking away from Antoine-Pierre when she threw the basil plant, which struck his left shoulder. He said she tried to throw rocks at him outside but did not make contact. Antoine-Pierre told police she threw the plant on the ground and the dirt "must have bounced" to get on her husband's shoulder. Antoine-Pierre was arrested on a domestic battery charge. Nobody will be surprised, if the gent will soon be cooking for a woman, who is more appreciative and has better kitchen manners.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: is vacuuming computers dangerous? Dear Webby, In this letter in the tech dept you said it was a good idea to vacuum out your computer. How do you do that? I really am hesitant to take anything apart for fear I won't get it back together right. Thanks, Sharon Dear Bill Ignore those clueless wussies. Power supplies and battery chargers have always had a 10 MegaOhm bypass resistor to bleed off static. In addition to that, nowadays all chips are CMOS. Think of that as the equivalent of the rubber diaphragm in a truck or train's air brake. The air never gets to the brake pads, it just pushes onto the diaphragm and thereby pushes back the springs, that try to put the brakes on. CMOS chips have the same diaphragm, and no current flows THROUGH them. You just have voltage pushing and pulling on the diaphragm, which in turn activates on/off valves on the other side of it. If there was a static spike, it would get stopped at the next CMOS device. In addition to that, there are bypass resistors to bleed off anything dangerous. Without all that, you could not carry a laptop on a carpet or scratch your head on a dry day. In addition to that, almost all decent vacuum cleaners, except for some really mickey-mouse rechargeable ones, have black hoses and attachments. The black is from soot in the rubber or plastic, that makes them conductive and bleeds off static. Just don't use compressed air or gas! THAT creates dangerous static that can shock YOU and cause you to drop stuff, blows dirt into even less convenient places, and kills kids who "huff" the stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where have you been all my life?" The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Glue Paper Plate to Paint Can You'll keep the floor neater during the next painting job if you glue a paper plate to the bottom of your paint can, instead of trying to move newspapers under the container every time you set it down. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It's graduation day at the teacher's college, and everybody is going to get their diploma but Jon. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Jon graduate, let Jon graduate!" The principal agrees to give Jon one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Jon, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Jon thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted "Give Jon another chance. Give Jon another chance!"

» Plethora

Early one morning a Priest heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he saw a donkey fall over dead. Not knowing what to do about the situation, he called the mayor and related the situation. The mayor couldn't resist jabbing at the Priest and said, "Father, I thought that in a case like that the duty of a Priest was to bury the dead." Without any hesitation, the Priest said, "No, my duty is to to notify next of kin, so that they can pay for funeral arrangements."





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Vacuuming out the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 22

Thank you, Matt!

------------
Just received this from Ivan in Libya:
All the carnage was distant until night fell then the sea 
boiled over with small fast boats that dumped 10 or more 
Special Forces and Al Qaida each at hundreds of points 
along the beach in and around Tripoli. The slaughter began 
at that moment. The distraction of the small gangs inside the 
city proved successful and allowed the unfettered invasion 
from the sea. Killing hundreds of thousands of Libyans in the 
next few days may be the result of this full fledged attack
 by NATO.

1300 innocent civilians killed in Tripoli in the last 11 hours + 
5000 injured. Nonstop bombings and 3 Apache gunships firing 
their mini-cannons constantly are the real killers. The gangs 
of Al Qaida are burning houses, looting shops and kidnapping 
every woman in sight on a street. Any prominent supporter of 
Ghadafi was targeted and their houses attacked first. The number 
of gangs have been increasing, because they are coming in 
from the sea in small NATO craft directed by the Special Forces 
of the 30 participating NATO nations, and include all the 
professional demonstrators, who want to take advantage of
the situation to do some major looting and maybe a bit more. 
Ivan
---------------
Looks like after six months of bombing and a massive D-Day
style allied invasion from the sea, the government of Libya is
about to fall. People are just tired of the continuous bombing
every night, and hope to be able to deal with Al Quaeda and 
the Communists later.

In the meantime, women flush their make-up stuff, burn
Western clothes, and mostly they just hide. 
Somebody is going to be sorry.
There may well be another revolution later on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s. --- Socratex
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Newspapers 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think that Soros bought the right people to run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it. And they are nt quite sure whether it is coke or weed, that is illegal. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated and/or extramarital. 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country .... or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy, as long as they are Democrats. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steve Horner in St George, Utah Bonehead fights Nevada's Ladies Night law Man targets Nevada's ladies' night law ST. GEORGE, Utah (UPI) -- A Utah man known for his sex discrimination lawsuits against businesses with "ladies' night" promotions said his sights are set on repealing a Nevada law. Horner is actually from Minnesota, where he was jailed for being a nuisance to the commissioner of Minnesota's Department of Human Rights, and later encouraged to leave the state. Steve Horner is currently in St. George, Utah and said he wants to see Nevada lawmakers repeal the law, which was passed this summer and takes effect Oct. 1, because it allows for "ladies' night" promotions that offer free admission and discounts on the basis of gender, the Las Vegas Sun reported Friday. Horner said he filed complaints with the Nevada Equal Rights Commission last year against the Blue Martini bar and restaurant in Las Vegas over its ladies' night, but the complaint was rejected because he had never been to the bar in person. Horner said allowing ladies' night promotions is discriminatory and unconstitutional. "How can you say you're an egalitarian state one moment, and then you're not when there's money to be made?" he said. Considering the number of currently shut down casinos, bars and restaurants in Nevada, it is probably a good idea for Horner to stay in Utah.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Vacuuming out the computer Dear Webby, In this letter in the tech dept you said it was a good idea to vacuum out your computer. How do you do that? I really am hesitant to take anything apart for fear I won't get it back together right. Thanks, Sharon Dear Sharon Turn the computer off, but don't unplug it. It's safer if it is properly grounded. Don't unplug anything, but look at the back of the computer. You will see that most of the plugs and cables are closer to one of the side walls than the other. They are closer to the "floor" side. The opposite side is the "lid" side. Usually the lid has thumbscrews or larger screws than the floor side, or a big sliding knob. If you see that knob, try that first. Unscrew the two or three screws on the lid. Then you can slide it backwards and open it easily. Set it aside flat on the floor. If you don't, it will fall over and scare you right when you are under the table. When that happens, it's quite hilarious for the onlookers. Now take a vaccum cleaner and put the narrow crevice tool on it, if you have one. Vacuum out the inside of the computer, preferably without quite touching anything in there. The dust and the dustbunnies and spiderwebs are all lightweight and vacuum up easily. You will see one or more fan shrouds. Normally, they can be removed without tools, but usually you have to look at them with a flashlight, to see where you have to push to snap them loose. Remove those shrouds and clean the fancy looking heat sinks under them really well. You may need a Q-Tip to help you there. Then put the vacuum away so that you don't trip over it, find the lid and re-attach it. Carefully empty the vaccum cleaner and retrieve the vacuumed up lid screws and use them to secure the lid. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, God made you," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash Shower Curtain with Clips Attached I used to hate washing my shower curtain. Undoing all those clips at the top, what a bore! One day, I took the entire curtain, clips and all, and threw it in the washing machine on delicate. What a time saver! No damage was done to the curtain and I saved so much time and aggravation. By junk02915 from Riverside, RI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run down to the cemetery and steal some more flowers!"

» Igneous Rocks

"Doctor, you've got to help me. I'm always talking to myself." "Now, Judy," he replied, "that's not too serious, lots of people these days talk to themselves." "Yes . . ." she whined, "but I'm such a bore!"





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Internet Exolorer stops working 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 21

Thank you, Rose!


If one was to believe all the reports coming out of California,
this might be a good time to back up all your data onto Mozy,
pack up your keepsakes and go for a camping trip to the
mountains. 

Steaming hills, petrochemical smells on the beaches, 
and tens of thousands of micro-tremors, all combine 
to give the predictionists and alarmists reasons to grab 
significant amounts of news time.

Keep in mind, though, this time of year is called the
"Silly Season" by traditional media, because the politicians
are on vacation and not doing anything stupid or newsworthy,
so anything that fills space will be printed.

I even remember reading a Science Fiction novel called
"Silly Season" in the late 70's, where Aliens took advantage
of that, and managed to get quite well established before
anybody took news of their invasion serious.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share expertise about the game. --- Socratex A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's blind luck. --- Socratex Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to complex intelligent behavior. Complex rules and regulations give rise to simple stupid behavior. --- Socratex
A woman walks into her boss' office with this complaint: "All the other women in the office are suing you for sexual harassment. "Since you haven't sexually harassed me, I'm suing you for discrimination."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Mary for this: I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV? So last week, when somebody suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, and who, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself. I baked a batch of cookies, and, without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy's day. When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. "I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the semifinals today." "Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some cookies..." "Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!" I continued, "...and just thought we'd visit a while. But that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on Granny Grady." "Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home; I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast (at which house?) that she had an appointment for a tint job.". So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age 83); she was in the hospital... working in the gift shop... I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China... I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot; he was on his honeymoon. I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don't think I'm up to it.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Evan Salas, 19, and Brandon Smith, 18 in Pinellas County, Florida Florida teens shoot 275 cars JANUARY 27--A pair of Florida teenagers arrested yesterday for damaging 275 vehicles in a BB gun shooting spree that caused in excess of $100,000 in damages told police that they carried out the vandalism because they were “bored.” Evan Salas, 19, and Brandon Smith, 18, were collared for a rampage through three cities in Pinellas County. The men, who shot up cars Friday night into Saturday morning, were each charged with felony criminal mischief, according to arrest affidavits. Salas (left) and Smith are pictured in the above mug shots. When confronted by Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office investigators, Salas and Smith reportedly copped to damaging cars and trucks in Belleair Bluffs, Largo, and Seminole. Asked why they would engage in such behavior, investigators noted, the pair explained they were “bored." According to police, Smith and Salas were both armed with newly purchased CO2-powered BB guns and took turns “randomly shooting at vehicles” from Smith’s car. Following his arrest, Smith admitted “shooting out windows of unoccupied vehicles,” according to an arrest affidavit. Salas made a similar confession, admitting his involvement with “35% to 40% of the shooting.” Both men were booked Wednesday into the county jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lindsay Re: Internet Explorer stops working Dear Webby, Love your newsletter, reading it from side-to-side & top-to-bottom. I've noticed you have solved some concerns for other people, so I thought I'd ask some advice for myself. I have a laptop computer upon which I keep getting a pop-up message stating: "Internet Explorer" has stopped working. Windows will try to fix the problem. So far windows has not been successful, and without the Internet Explorer, I cannot send email's and I cannot play my favorite games, and...well, I can't really do much of anything on my laptop. I've searched and several times I thought I had fixed the problem, but no luck. I thought you might be able to help me. Thanks for considering this problem...keep the newsletter coming! MaryLou Dear MaryLou That sounds like a typical W7 feature. Internet Explorer seems to be not quite compatible with it. It works OK on some sites, but not enough of them to make it practical and usable. For example, it works OK on the online page of the Humor Letter, but miserably fails at the Internet Frog speed test. Just use FireFox. Even an old version of FireFox, like 3.5, works better and quite reliable. It gets along just fine with Gmail and you will never see that silly message again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Overheard in the elevator: And then she said... "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was soo relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid. Naturally, I got the organic, biodegradable kind, even though it was a bit more expensive."
Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Wash Shower Curtain with Clips Attached I used to hate washing my shower curtain. Undoing all those clips at the top, what a bore! One day, I took the entire curtain, clips and all, and threw it in the washing machine on delicate. What a time saver! No damage was done to the curtain and I saved so much time and aggravation. By junk02915 from Riverside, RI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. Then he rushed off. At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time for the next check-up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The obituary editor of our newspaper is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "Where are you calling from?"

» Canning Season

The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass and not an Irishman."





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Wide screens too coarse 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 20

Jerome at SpirtitScents.com
figured out my problem, that my ISP had misconfigured the mess
they made with a proxy on their side. So I cussed at the 
boneheads until they fixed their mess. I didn't have to make 
any changes and I refrained from doing anything on my side,
that would have complicated the issue. After only two hours
of running down the batteries in two cordless phones, they
finally figured how their settings should be, and everything 
worked again. 

Thanks, Jerome!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The easiest way to make your old car run better is to check the prices of a new car. --- Socratex If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --- Socratex
Thanks to Jeanne for this one: Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being nearly 60, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my gramma."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?" The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. "My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly." "I'm not afraid of flying," says the man sobbing loudly, "I'm a pilot, but I am trying to give up drinking."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Newberry, 23, Tennessee Man Accidentally Shoots Himself while Driving Down Interstate 24 Clarksville, TN – Today, August 17th, around 1:30pm Justin Newberry, 23 was in a Nissan Altima driving westbound on I-24 when he had to apply his brakes to slow down for traffic. After he applied the brakes, a handgun known as “The Judge” slid out from under the seat. When Newberry reached down to pick it up he grabbed it by the trigger at which time “The Judge” went off. The round, which was a 410 slug, went into right thigh, exited, and continued on until it hit him in the left leg just above the ankle. He was able to safely pull the car into the median area about mile marker 6 and call 911 for help. To shoot through his thigh and into his ankle, the gun must have been held fairly high, as if by a passenger. He was transported by Lifeflight to Vanderbilt and is in stable condition. There were multiple forms of identification from different locations in the car so officers were not able to determine where he is from or where he was headed prior to be taken away by Lifeflight. Additionally, officers on the scene found marijuana and drug paraphernalia inside of the vehicle. Charges are pending. That particular handgun is very odd looking. It is a revolver, with the drum almost twice as long as the barrel, and made to shoot .410 shotgun shells or .410 slugs. They are not known for accidentally going off, but for awsome recoil.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lindsay Re: Coarse wide monitor Dear Webby, I followed your instructions and tried for hours to get acceptable results on my laptop screen. The oily slime look of course did not help at all. It makes it look like a reasonably sharp picture from the distance, but it is just an illusion. Fine graphics are not, and small details on spreadsheet charts are washed together. What can I do, that I haven't done yet? Help! Lindsay Dear Lindsay For a start, stop listening to the liars, who try to con you into believing wide monitors are top quality. They are not. They are rejects, no matter how hysterical the liars get. If you put any wide screen laptop beside, for example, a Lenovo 1600 x 1200 4:3 flat screen monitor, then you will instantly see the difference. The 1600 x 1200 screen has real pixels in the number claimed, not fake pixels claiming to be the equivalent of whatever the advertising department printed. If you shop around and check with PriceGrabber, you can find 16" x 12", 1600 x 1200 monitors for less than the cost of new glasses. Your laptop has a socket in the back for plugging in an external monitor. Then you will see lines on charts, that are only one pixel away from other lines, not washed together lines, and graphics the way they were intended to be seen. Yes, I am quite opinionated on this topic, and quite happy, that I was smart enough to buy a refurbished Lenovo 16" x 12" three - four years ago, and that, in spite of my diabetes, the prescription for my glasses has not changed in four years. A decent monitor makes a huge difference! Have FUN! DearWebby
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During a recent business trip to Boeing's Everett, Washington factory, I noticed several 747 and 777 airliners being assembled. Before the engines were installed, huge weights were hung from the wings to keep the planes balanced. The cast iron weights were bright yellow and black and marked, "14,000 lbs." But what I found particularly interesting was some stenciling I discovered on the side of each weight. Imprinted there was the warning: "Remove before flying."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Clip to Mark Tape End To keep from losing the end of postage tape, place a paper clip on the sticky side of the tape just below where you are making the cut. Store the tape with the paper clip, and you are ready to go next time you need to use the tape. The paper clip is easy to pull off and thick enough to keep from losing the end of the tape. By Hate Litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Judi and Trisha were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear. "Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Trisha asked. "Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill and save a lot of gas!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."

» Who's on first

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. They dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage, much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. He called her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?"





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Wide monitor is inconvenient 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, Aug 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Sure had a frustrating afternoon and evening! The ISP offered
to upgrade the connection from 2 to 15 Mbps and lower the 
cost a little bit.

Well, on the W7 laptop the speed increased download speed to 
7 Mbps, but and decreased  upload speed to a pathetic 375 kbps.
That's the good news.

On the XP desktop, my main work machine, I can no longer use 
browsers. I even uninstalled FireFox and re-installed a known good 
version. That did not help at all. 

What is funny is that I can get and send mail and work on the
server command lines, just browsing is blocked.

Who do I ask for help, when I can't figure out a problem?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people." --- Jack Handey
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Juwan D. Wilson, 18 in Wichita, Kansas Suspect calls the cops himself Authorities say an 18-year-old suspect in a high-speed chase went to class at Hutchinson Community College after the chase was called off Monday morning by the Kansas Highway Patrol. Then, after police found the suspect's green Chevy Blazer parked at the local college and had it towed, Juwan D. Wilson reportedly called the Hutchinson Police Department to report someone had stolen his vehicle. "That kind of made it easy," Patrol trooper Dave Golden said Monday. Wilson, a Wichita resident, was arrested on suspicion of fleeing and eluding law enforcement, reckless driving, driving with a suspended license, and a vehicle registration violation. He was booked Monday into the Reno County jail. The chase started at 10:50 a.m. Monday on K-96 in Reno County, about two miles east of Yoder Road. Golden tried to stop the Chevy Blazer for speeding, but the driver sped off. The pursuit toward Hutchinson twice reached 100 mph, according to Golden, who stopped pursuing the Blazer once it turned onto 11th Avenue in Hutchinson. "When it became too dangerous and came into town, I terminated the pursuit," he said. An HCC student later alerted campus security after spotting the Blazer driving erratically, as it pulled into a college parking lot. Police officers found the Blazer parked at Hutchinson Community College near the Stringer Fine Arts Center and the Sports Arena, according to Hutchinson Police Sgt. Eric Buller. After the vehicle was found, Golden fingerprinted the outside of the Blazer and had it towed. Wilson later came out to the parking lot, saw that his vehicle was missing and called police. "After he was done with class, he saw that it was gone and thought it was stolen," Police officer Lorenzo Bohringer said. A video camera from inside Golden's patrol car helped identify Wilson as a suspect. Wilson was cooperative and later confessed, according to Golden. "He really is a likeable guy, but this was not one of his smarter moves," Golden said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Unsatisfactory wide monitor Dear Webby, I know you do not like the new monitors but I have a 19" and I still must scroll across all day. How wide of a monitor must a person buy to avoid the scrolling across or is it even possible? Thank you for all your help and your excellent Humor letter. Nita Dear Nita My monitor is 16" wide and 12" high, just measuring the actual screen, not the frame. I have the resolution set to 1600 x 1200, 100 dots per inch, and I find that perfect for working. Try setting the resolution higher, and play with the DPI setting to fine tune it, so that everything is perfectly sharp. Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings Slide the slider all the way to the right, or at least to 1600 x 1200. Hit OK to try that out. For fine tuning, Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings Advanced and play with the DPI setting. You may have to adjust icon sizes and fonts and all kinds of stuff afterwards. However, it is well worth it to have perfectly sharp pictures and text in a size, that is right for your eyes. And if you see a 4:3 monitor at a yard sale, grab it! If you pretend to be a professional, you can buy brand new 4:3 monitors, and even 3:4 upright portrait monitors. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An old seed corn salesman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another." The old seed corn salesman replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Cloth Napkins from Remnants I love to have tons of dinner napkins, but I do not like the high price on them. I go to Walmart and look through their remnant bin for cheap materials. I just took a remnant home that cost 39 cents and made four dinner napkins out of it. All I did was cut a triangle edge on it. If I had owned a pair of pinking shears, I could have done it much faster. These can be used for all around cleaning and little place mats. I love these little dinner napkins. I make them in smaller sizes than what you would buy at the store for the children and normal if not smaller sizes for me. I am happy with my large collection of dinner napkins. By Robyn from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A an old country doctor examined a woman from the country, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"

» Tall Ships

Explaining their policy on not cashing checks for people who don't have accounts with their bank, the teller said, "Why if he didn't have an account here, I wouldn't cash a check for my own brother." The irate customer replied, "Well . . . you know your family a lot better than I."





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Why a UV filter for digital cameras? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 18

Found it interesting how the British lawyers and prison 
guards unions are getting hysterical about the sentencing
of the rioters and claim, that it represses free speech.

The prison guard unions are communist controlled and told
to promote anarchy, in order to bring down the state. 
Nothing new there. Surprising is that the lawyers are 
panicking and claiming, that appropriate sentencing might 
cut into their expected business.

Personally, I doubt that they have to worry for a long time.
By taking discipline out of the schools, respect for authority
has been destroyed, and that will come back and bite them in 
the butts for a long time. It will probably take them another
fifteen years just to realize their mistake.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Never attribute to malice that which is adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert A. Heinlein With ogling, the fine line between a complimenting, appreciative glance and and obnoxious stare is not measured in seconds, but depends on the mood of the ogled person. --- Socratex
Asked by the third-grade teacher to spell "straight." did so correctly. "Now," said the teacher, "what does it mean?" "Without water."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

DISASTER "Oh, No!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen anything like it. How anyone could have survived he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Danny kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Danny! Danny!" he whispered to himself. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Danny!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed, "and, for heaven's sake, clean up your room!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jantavia Taylor, 21, in Bradenton, Florida Woman Tried To Assault Girlfriend With Sex Toy Cops: Florida perp, 21, threw strap-on dildo at roomie during beef. AUGUST 16--A Florida woman is facing a felony domestic violence charge after she allegedly tried to strike her live-in girlfriend last night with a “female sex toy,” according to a police report. Responding to call of an aggravated assault with a knife, a cop interviewed Tamara Cadet and Jantavia Taylor about a confrontation in the Bradenton home they have shared for more than a year. Cadet, 23, told the investigator that she and Taylor, 21, “became involved in an argument and that Ms.Taylor then grabbed a knife from an unknown location and began to chase her with it.” Fearful of being injured, Cadet said she fled the couple’s home and ran a block before Taylor stopped chasing her. But when Taylor spoke to a Bradenton Police Department officer, she denied chasing Cadet with knife in hand, instead noting that “the only thing that she threw at Ms. Cadet trying to strike her was a female sex toy (Strap on Penis).” Further police investigation determined that, “The sex toy was located across the street in the yard of another residence.” In his report, Officer Joshua Small noted that the weapon used in the alleged domestic assault was categorized as “other.” Pictured in the above mug shot, Taylor, who works at Popeyes, is being held at the Manatee County jail, where bond has not been set yet. It seems, half the cops don't know how to spell "attempted strapadicktome" and the other half of them can't stop laughing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Why a UV filter? Dear Webby, why is everybody always saying you need to buy an UV filter for every camera? If that filter was so universally necessary, wouldn't the camera companies build it into the camera ? Thanks Hank Dear Hank With a cheap plastic lens camera a real glass UV filter can make a noticeable difference in the picture, however, with most cameras there is SOME glass in there somewhere, and you would not notice a difference. If you did notice a difference, you most likely would not really know for sure which version of a picture you would prefer, with or without UV filter. The main objective of the UV filter nowadays is to protect the main lens from fingerprints, mustard, ketchup, dirt and scratches. Since UV filters are just plain window glass, they used to be very cheap, ($1 - $10), but nowadays some merchants consider them to be gullibility tax and charge outrageous amounts of money for them. Since they are just plain glass, a UV filter from an old camera will work just fine, as long as it is not scratched up. If it does not snap or thread on, clean it well and then simply glue it on. If it does get scratched up by falling off a mountain, you can release the glue by heating the flat UV filter glass with a clothes iron. Have FUN! DearWebby
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*How to speak English Pooperly* 1. Verbs HAS to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat) 6. Also, always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. 11. Contractions aren't necessary and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should NEVER generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 17. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 18. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 19. The passive voice is to be ignored. 20. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 21. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 22. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 23. Understatement is always the absolute best way to put forth earth-shaking ideas. 24. Eliminate quotations. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 25. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: Resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 26. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 27. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 28. Even IF a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 29. Who needs rhetorical questions? 30. Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement. And the last one... 31. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mr. Clean Magic Eraser to Remove Paint Transfer My husband went ballistic when he saw a scrape on my car bumper. My grandkids ride their bikes, etc. and he just knew someone had "nicked" the paint on the bumper. I took a tiny bit of a Mr. Clean sponge and gently scrubbed the "nick". It was gone in no time and not a trace of anything remained. Disaster averted. I even got rid of a few more that looked like nicks! By Halfwhit from Ashdown, AR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Late one Friday night after a big soccer game the policemen spotted a man driving very erratically through the streets of Dublin. They pulled the man over and asked him if he had been drinking that evening. "Aye, so I have. The team won, you know, so me and the lads stopped by the pub where I had six or seven pints. And then there was something called "Happy Hour" and they served these margaritas, which are quite good. I had four or five o' those. Then I had to drive me friend Mike home and O' course I had to go in for a couple of Guinness - couldn't be rude, ye know. Then I stopped on the way home to get another bottle for later.." The man fumbled around in his coat until he located his bottle of whiskey, which he proudly held up for inspection. The officer sighed, and said, "Sir, I'm afraid I'll need you to step out of the car and take a Breathalyzer test." The man said, "Why? Don't ye believe me?!?" The cop replied: "I do believe ya, Paddy. But after ya fall flat on yer drunken mug, it's a lot easier to put the handcuffs on ya."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young couple met with their pastor to set a date for their wedding. When he asked whether they preferred a contemporary or a traditional service, they opted for the contemporary. On the big day, a major storm forced the groom to take an alternate route to the church. The streets were flooded, so he rolled up his pants legs to keep his trousers dry. When he finally reached the church, his best man rushed him into the sanctuary and up to the altar, just as the ceremony was starting. "Pull down your pants," whispered the pastor. "Uh, Reverend, I've changed my mind," the groom responded. "I think I would prefer the traditional service."

» Bottle Cap Nautilus

The rules at a particular university were such that if the professor was not present in the classroom by 15 minutes past the hour, the class was considered a "walk" and the students were free to leave -- with no penalties for missing a class. The rooms were equipped with the type of wall clocks which "jumped" ahead each minute, in a very noticeable fashion. As it were, these clocks were not of the most sophisticated construction. Some enterprising student discovered that if one were to hit the clock with an eraser, it would cause the clock to "jump" ahead 1 minute. So, it became almost daily practice for these students to take target practice at the clock (this particular professor was not the most punctual, and the students considered him severely "absent-minded"). A few well- aimed erasers, and lo, 15 minutes were passed, and class dismissed itself. On those occasions, when the professor showed up on time, the eraer trick came in handy to shorten a one hour lecture to less than half. Well, when the day for the next exam rolled around, the professor strolled into the room, passed out the exams, and told the class, "You have one hour to complete the examination". The professor then proceeded to collect the erasers from around the room and gleefully took aim at the clock. When he had successfully "jumped" the clock forward one hour, he ended the class and collected the exam papers.





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Light version for Outlook users? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 17

Paul corrected me on the oily rag cans. Today's Canadian Tire
cans apparently have a plastic liner, which could make them 
unsuitable.

He found a link to the proper oily rag cans. Those of you, 
who have worked in Industry, will recognize the can.

Dear Webby,
For only a few dollars more you can get the proper, and safe can.  
Additionally, as a bonus, they are not made in China.

Paul


Thanks Paul!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Everyone thinks of changing the world, but no one thinks of changing himself. --- Leo Tolstoy My mom said she learned how to swim when someone took her out in the lake and threw her off the boat. I said, "Mom, they weren't trying to teach you how to swim." --- Paula Poundstone
A Sunday school teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament bible story. As she moved around the class, she saw many wonderful drawings being created. Then she came to Little Johnny, who had drawn a man driving an older car, a convertible with 60's style tail fins. In the back seat were two passengers, both scantily dressed. The teacher said, "It's a lovely picture, Johnny, but which bible story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question and said, "Well, doesn't it say in the BIBLE that God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Looks like they are getting picky in Florida! Help wanted ad in the Orlando, Florida SENTINEL: Shed delivery person - must be smarter than a large box.
Rainbow while watering the Saskatoon bushes You can just barely see the second, reverse rainbow above.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert C. Harding Iowa man tries to lure teen and gets mom's fist instead (CBS/AP) DES MOINES, Iowa - A Des Moines man who allegedly tried to lure a young girl into an alley, wound up with stitches and a black eye after the girl's mother took matters into her own hands, according to authorities. Polk County police sources say that Robert C. Harding tried to lure a 13-year-old girl into an alley near where she was playing with friends outside her home. Instead the smart-thinking teenager went to get her mom who confronted Harding, according to CBS affiliate KCCI. Police say that when the girl's mother, Holly Pullen, confronted Harding he asked how old the girl was and whether he could marry her or would be interested in signing the girl away. "I got down to the alley and I confronted him. I said, 'Why are you staring at the kids?' and he looks at me and says, 'I want to marry the red head.' I came unglued at that point. I was like 'Dude, she's only 13 and that's my daughter,'" Pullen told the station. Police said Pullen punched Harding in the face. Then the girl's father and one of his friends chased Harding and fought with him, KCCI reported. By the time police arrived at Fremont Street, the fight was over. Police questioned Harding who allegedly told them that he was trying to get the girl into the alley so he could "marry her and sex her." Police also said he told them he knew the girl was a minor and that he liked "young girls." Harding is charged with enticing a minor under the age of 16, which is punishable up 4 years in prison and a parole violation. He's being held on $15,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Make a Blonde version! Dear Webby, Why don't you quit your bitching about Blonde Windows and just make a Blonde version of the Humor Letter? Outlook 2007 can't show more than half of it, if you have images set to download and show. Other newsletters, that don't have pictures and color, don't have that problem. Dianne Dear Dianne That is just an old "Undocumented Feature" in Outlook. Yahoo used to have that problem, where the yahoos had to hit REPLY or FORWARD to see the bottom half of long emails. The same trick apparently works for Outlook 2007 on W7. Just pretend to be a yahoo and hit REPLY to read the bottom half. The alternative is to use a better email program or OS. Eudora still works fine fro Windows 3.1 to Windows 7. The same goes for most of the good email programs. For a list of the most popular ones, go to Wikipedia Have FUN! DearWebby
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The teacher asked, "Johnny, did somebody help somebody with your homework last night?" Little Johnny said, "No, Mom did it all by herself. I didn't have to help her at all!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Math Pancakes Pancakes are so easy to manipulate into shapes to teach with, so we are going to start doing plates of multiplication equations. Maybe one or two a week. I am hoping it will help. I know this works for the alphabet. We are also using flash cards but my child doesn't like studying, bless her heart. She is so not into buckling down with anything, but she makes good grades though. Multiplication tables takes on a whole new meaning when they are on the breakfast table. Maybe she won't know she is studying this way, which is my goal! Source: From a teacher a while back! By Robyn Fed from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There were three men at a bar. One man got drunk and started a fight with the other two men. The police came and took the drunk guy to jail.The next day the man went before the judge. The judge asked the man, "Where do you work?" The man said, "Here and there." The judge asked the man, "What do you do for a living?" The man said, "This and that." The judge then said, "Take him away." The man said, "Wait, judge, when will I get out?" The judge said to the man, "Sooner or later."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Some carpenters were working outside the old house and Bill's wife had just finished washing the floor, when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom... With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," she said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already potty-trained."

» Weeds

Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!





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Real Beer 

After the North American Beer Festival, all the brewery presidents decided to go out for a beer.

The guy from Corona sits down and says, "Hey Senor, I would like the world's best beer, a Corona." The bartender dusts off a bottle from the shelf and gives it to him.

The guy from Budweiser says, "I'd like the best beer in the world. Give me 'The King Of Beers', a Budweiser." The bartender gives him one.

The guy from Coors says, "I'd like the only beer made with Rocky Mountain spring water, give me a Coors." He gets it.

The guy from Molson Canadian sits down and says, "Give me a Coke." The bartender is a little taken aback, but gives him what he ordered.

The other brewery presidents look over at him and ask, "Why aren't you drinking a Molson?"

The Molson Canadian president replies, "Well, I figured if you guys aren't drinking beer, neither would I."



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W7 Outlook problem 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 16

Dear Webby,
Reguarding the ThriftyFun tip for using linseed oil on shovels 
and pitch forks, please remind readers that the rags with 
linseed oil on them can spontaneously combust if  not stored 
or disposed of properly.  Here's a link to an check out:  
Spontaneous Combustion of rags

baddog

Dear Baddog

Re linseed oil, yes, that is ancient knowledge.
Don't you remember the galvanized tin rag bucket with hinged 
lid from your school's woodworking shop,
that had to be carried out and emptied every day?

The reason it had a hinged metal lid was to keep the air 
out and the rags from getting hot.

I guess with today's deterioration of education, kids learn 
how to freeload and get grants, and all kinds of ways to 
mooch off society, but basic common sense stuff has 
become a lost art.
I wonder what they do with the tin rag bucket by the 
door in the woodworking shop nowadays?

Lee Valley Tools has the standard galvanized rag bucket, 
that you see in most woodworking shops, and Canadian Tire 
has a stainless steel rag bucket, that is actually cheaper.


Try to spread the word and help keep common sense and safety 
from becoming a lost art!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none. --- Thomas Carlyle Few people can see genius in someone who has offended them. --- Robertson Davies
Thanks to Frank for this: Driving home after working late the other day, I was stopped by a police officer for speeding. I explained that I was rushing home to be with my wife on our first anniversary, which was the truth. However, instead of being let off with a warning, the officer said "Congratulations!" and then proceeded to write out the ticket. As he handed it to me, he said, "The first year is paper, right?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah, but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this, he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our fathers," the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening; however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So, in the tradition of the patriarchs, he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend. "I, too, sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the tradition of the patriarchs, they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi. "I, too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons? Brothers, we must take this to the Lord." They fell to their knees and began to pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed, the clouds above opened and a mighty voice said, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, sent My Son to Israel..."
Thanks to dad for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Israel Cortes, 35, of Ewing, NJ Asleep on the burglary SOUTH BRUNSWICK, N.J. -- Authorities say a New Jersey burglary suspect picked the wrong time to fall asleep. South Brunswick police say officers surprised the alleged burglars at Big Ed's Restaurant on Route 130 Sunday night. But when they went inside to investigate, three suspects fled the scene. Two eventually were caught with the help of state police and officers from neighboring Cranbury. But two hours later, officers searching the restaurant's basement found -- or rather, heard -- 35-year-old Israel Cortes of Ewing sleeping and snoring on top of a large refrigeration unit where he apparently had been hiding. Police say the suspects had targeted the restaurant to steal its copper pipes. The business was targeted by the suspects in order to steal copper pipes to later be sold, police said. Numerous pipes had already been cut out and were being prepared for loading into the suspect vehicles, police said. Recovered from the scene were two Sawzall saws, gloves, and headlight lamps. The business sustained thousands of dollars worth of damage from the robbery, police said. All three were charged with burglary and related crimes and their vehicles were seized. A fourth suspect remains at large.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Russ Re: W7 Outlook problem Dear Webby, We just ‘upgraded’ from XP to Windows 7 Professional & Outlook 2007 and the decision was made by others more powerful than I. My issue with your humor letter is Outlook 2007 requires a separate step to download the pictures (right click, download). If I read the letter without downloading, I can read through the complete letter. But after downloading the pictures, I can only read through a portion of the letter. The end of the letter seems to be lost, usually starting after the picture that you always share with your readers. I receive other newsletters and yours seems to be the only one with this problem. Please advise at your convenience. Thanks, - Russ Dear Russ Sounds like the powerful boneheads didn't consider that Blonde Windoze needs a lot more RAM. I can not fix Blonde Windoze or Outlook 2007, and I can't afford to donate adequate RAM to boneheads. Since the boneheads are in the minority, regardless of the hype from Microsoft, I won't be writing a "Light" version of the Humor Letter in the near future. I will trim down the ads though, and move them to the Tools page, since nobody clicks on them anyway. In the meantime, just use a browser to go to http://webby.com/humor and see it just like those people, who don't have boneheads for bosses, see it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said, "Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what ?" the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup," the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. "Oh great! NOW you tell me," said the beginner.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Throw as a Comforter for Toddler Bed Recently my grandson moved into a toddler bed. The mattress is the same fit as the crib, but I needed a blanket that fit the entire bed. I found that the throws that are sold everywhere are a fit perfect. They come in variety of colors and patterns. I chose a Thomas the Train throw. My grandson's favorite. By xintexas from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A woman was chatting with her next-door neighbor. "I feel really good today. I started out this morning with an act of unselfish generosity. I gave a twenty dollar bill to a bum." "You gave a bum twenty whole dollars? That's a lot of money to just give away. What did your husband say about it?" "Oh, he thought it was the proper thing to do. He even said, 'Thanks.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers."

» Weeds

"I hope you didn't take it personally, Reverend," an embarrassed woman said after a church service, "when my husband walked out during your sermon." "I did find it rather disconcerting," the preacher replied. "It's not a reflection on you, sir," insisted the church goer. "Ralph has been walking in his sleep ever since he was a child."





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Compacting Mail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 15

It sure was a beautiful weekend! 
To help the Saskatoon bushes recover from all the neighbors' 
frantic early morning harvesting, I watered them a few times,
and enjoyed the beautiful rainbows. 

I'll try to take a picture of one and see how it turns out.
However, I think I will sell that Nikon Coolpix L100 to raise
some cash. If anybody is interested, make me an offer!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but would like it to keep in touch. --- Robert Orben
Thanks to Penny for this report: MY LAST TRIP TO COSTCO Yesterday I was at my local COSTCO buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for my loyal pet, Jake, the Wonder Dog, and was in the check-out line when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog. What did she think, I had an elephant? So since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Purina Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms. I told her that it was essentially a Perfect Diet and that the way that it works is, to load your pants pockets with Purina Nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that practically everyone in line was now enthralled with my story.) Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care, because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off a curb to sniff a poodle's ass and a car hit me. I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard. Costco doesn't wan't me to shop there anymore.
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Ole for this story: After a frantic caller told the Battle Creek, Michigan, Humane Society about two ducks trapped by the ice on a pond, the shelter manager, Sven, rushed right over. Sven inched his way out over nearly 100 feet of ice. As onlookers stood by, he carefully made his way to the ducks, and, thankfully, back to safety on the shore. Both of the wooden decoys are expected to survive. ---------- Is the summer really that cold in Michigan this year?
Some colorful weeds along the edge of my back yard.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jennifer Knopp, 39, in Marathon, FL Called cop to sell dope If you're seeking help from the cops, it's never a good idea to call one and ask him if he's interested in buying some marijuana. But that's what Jennifer Knopp, 39, did Thursday night, says the Monroe County Sheriff's Office. Agency officials say Knopp called Deputy Christian Galls on his SWAT-issued cell phone while he was working at the Marathon substation at 9:15 p.m. She had his phone number from a previous case he'd worked involving her, although his arrest report doesn't go into details. The report says Knopp told Galls she "had the stuff he was looking for," meaning "crippie, a slang term known as a potent form of marijuana." She asked how much he wanted, and he said a quarter-ounce. Galls told her he'd call her back, then told narcotics detectives about the phone call. He called Knopp back and agreed to meet her at the Marathon Community Theatre, about a mile from the Sheriff's Office. Galls headed to the theater along with Deputy Paul Bean and, when they parked and walked up to her 1999 Chrysler Concord, she drove away "over two plastic parking rails." Galls and Bean ran back to their cars and pulled Knopp over a short time later. In her car was Christopher Flingos, 42. He refused to be searched and was released right there. Meanwhile, Knopp reportedly told Galls she had pot in her purse and, sure enough, the report says, the deputies found 24.5 grams of it inside. When Galls asked her why she would offer to sell pot to a cop, she reportedly said she hoped he would help her get away from Flingos. She said "she didn't know what else to say," the report says. To confirm she made the earlier call, Galls dialed her phone number and an iPhone in her purse rang. The cop's name and number showed on the screen. Knopp was charged with possessing marijuana.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Suzanne Re: Compacting mail Dear Webby, Under my Outlook Express email, there's a choice for 'File, Folders, Compact, Compact All Folders'. Would you please shed some light on any advantage in compacting email folders? It sounds like something to save space, so is it something I should be doing? Thanks very much. Suzanne ps: you've got the best newsletter going, I love it, every bit, and am faced every day with the difficult decision of opening it first or saving it for last. Thanks again. Suzanne Dear Suzanne Most email programs compact mail either automatically or via a command like that. Compacting the mail is similar to the Defrag you can do to the hard drive. It's a good idea to compact your mail now and then. Rumors, that frequent compacting of the mail will eliminate the inevitable Outlook Express and Outlook crashes, are unfortunately not true. The only way you can postpone the inevitable crashes of those two programs is by keeping the IN, OUT and TRASH folders trimmed down as much as possible. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Driving down the highway one day, I saw this slogan on the back of a well-known trucking company's vehicle: "We Always Go the Extra Mile." Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it: "We keep missing the right Exit."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Linseed Oil to Treat Garden Handles Rub the handles of of pitchforks and shovels once in awhile with a rag dipped in linseed oil. You'll find the shafts both last longer and are much more pleasant to use. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Some wacky definitions. SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. FOREIGN FILM -- any movie shown in Texas theater that isn't a western. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority has no idea what's happened. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man yelled to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, shoot!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my ducks!"

» Yester Year

GOVERNMENT PIPE SPECIFICATIONS 1. All pipe is to be made of a long hole, surrounded by metal or plastic centered around the hole. 2. All pipe is to be hollow throughout the entire length - do not use holes of different length than the pipe. 3. The I.D. (inside diameter) of all pipe must not exceed the O.D. (outside diameter) - otherwise the hole will be on the outside. 4. All pipe is to be supplied with nothing in the hole so that water, steam or other stuff can be put inside at a later date. 5. All pipe should be supplied without rust - this can be more readily applied at the job site. N.B. Some Vendors are now able to supply pre-rusted pipe. If available in your area, this product is recommended as it will save a lot of time on the job site. 6. All pipe over 500 ft (153m) in length should have the words "long pipe" clearly painted on each end, so the Contractor will know it is a long pipe. 7. Pipe over 2 miles (3.2 km) in length must have the words "very long pipe" painted in the middle, so the Contractor will not have to walk the entire length of the pipe to determine whether or not it is a long pipe or a very long pipe. 8. All pipe over 6" (152 mm) in diameter must have the words "large pipe" painted on it, so the Contractor will not mistake it for small pipe. 9. Flanges must be used on all pipe. Flanges must have holes for bolts quite separate from the big hole in the middle. 10. When ordering 90 degrees, 45 degrees or 30 degrees elbow, be sure to specify right hand or left hand; otherwise you will end up going the wrong way. 11. Be sure to specify to your vendor whether you want level, uphill or downhill pipe. If you use downhill pipe for going uphill, the water will flow the wrong way. 12. All couplings should have either right hand or left hand thread, but do not mix the threads - otherwise, as the coupling is being screwed on one pipe, it is unscrewed from the other.





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Paypal credit card info request 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 14

The Saskatoon berries are ripening nicely. I picked
enough to make half a dozen small jars of jam, but then
neighbors and visitors got to them. One neighbor even
brought me fresh salad and parsley and carrots!

No panic, there are still plenty of berries, that will ripen
over the next week or so.

In one of the Saskatoon bushes I found a goose berry
bush. Those will take another two weeks, and I am really 
looking forward to them.

Also found a dogwood bush in there. Pretty, shiny, red berries,
but as far as I know, not edible. It looks like birds seeded 
them, while they were snacking on my berries.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Bigamy is having one wife to many. Monogamy is the same" --- Oscar Wilde "Marriage is the punishment for the fun you had as a bachelor." --- Socratex
Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto, the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our engines has failed. There is nothing to worry about. Our flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still have three engines left." Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and the flight will take an additional two hours. But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two engines." An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three hours, but don't worry - we still have one engine left." A Kansas Beauty turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, "If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here all day!"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

What does a Mississippian say when you ask them to spell 'Mississippi'? "The state or the river?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marvin Lane Ussery, 48 Former inmate arrested for breaking into jail Marvin Lane Ussery was spotted while trying to make his way back into California State Prison in Sacramento. He previously served time for robbery at New Folsom. You would think once being let out on parole in 2009 the 48-year-old wouldn't be keen for a return trip, but he was caught by Corrections Sergeant Tony Quinn scaling a 7ft tall fence, topped with barbed wire, trying to get back behind bars. Officials are now investigating whether Ussery's bizarre behaviour was part of a plan to smuggle in drugs or mobile phones, but have found no evidence as yet. If his intention was simply to return to a prison cell, the 48-year-old has now got his wish, and is now being held in Sacramento County Jail on suspicion of violating his parole and being an ex-convict on prison property. Prison spokesman Tony Quinn told KCRA.com: 'The only statement he made to investigators is that he wanted to reminisce. It must have been a great time for him.' He added that officials at the prison 'quickly realised' they were not dealing with an escapee after discovering Ussery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Stan Re: Paypal credit card info request Dear Webby, I got a notice from Paypal to reconfirm my credit card, and I did. But then I got another one to another one of my email addresses. By that time I realized that neither of those addresses are the one I use at PayPal. I guess I got took! Now what? Stan Dear Stan Yes, you forgot what I had warned about a many times. PayPal will NEVER send out a mail asking you to enter credit card information in a mail form. The REAL PayPal does that on a secure form at their site. Always close all browsers and open a fresh one before doing anything serious at PayPal. You donated your credit card info to some crooks. They may be grateful, as they spend your money, and think about you. But don't count on that. About all you can do is call your credit card company and tell them that you gave your credit card info to some crooks. They will then put a block on that card and issue you a new one. As long as you report it on the same day, they usually just bounce any charges made on that card on that day. With some of them, though, you may have to do some arguing. I would strongly advise that you do the arguing soonest, like RIGHT NOW! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Clerk in flower shop: "Sorry, we don't have potted geraniums. Could you use African violets?" Customer (sadly): "No, it was geraniums my wife told me to water while she was gone. I think, shw would notice the difference."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Exfoliating Glove For Cleaning To clean in between the faucet and knobs in the bathroom, use an exfoliating glove from the dollar store. It works great on the tub faucet and in the kitchen too. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A farmer who has been involved in a terrible road accident with a large truck ended up in court fighting for a big compensation claim. "I understand your claiming damages for the injuries you supposed to have suffered?" Stated the counsel for the insurance company. "Yes, that's right," replied the farmer, nodding his head. "You claim you were injured in the accident, yet I have a signed police statement that says that when the attending police officer asked you how you were feeling, you replied, 'I've never felt better in my life.' Is that the case?" "Yeah, but..." stammered the farmer. "A simple yes or not will suffice," council interrupted quickly. "Yes," Replied the farmer. Then it was the turn of the farmer's council to ask him questions. "Please tell the court the exact circumstance of events following the accident when you made your statement of health," his lawyer said. "Certainly," replied the farmer. "After the accident my horse was thrashing around with a broken leg and my poor old dog was howling in pain. This cop comes along, takes one look at my horse and shoots him dead. Then he goes over to my dog, looks at him and shoots him dead too. Then he come straight over to me, smoking gun in his hand, and asked me how I was feeling. Now, mate, what the hell would you have said to him?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sign at cafeteria entrance: Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria. Scribbled underneath: Socks can eat any place they want.

» On The Hoof

A man goes to a party and has too much to drink. His friends plead with him to let them take him home. He says no, he only lives a mile away. About five blocks from the party, the police pull him over for weaving and ask him to get out of the car and walk the line. Just as he starts, the police radio blares out a notice of a robbery taking place in a house just a block away. The police tell the party animal to stay put, they will be right back and they hop a fence and run down the street to the robbery. The guy waits and waits and finally decides to drive home. When he gets there, he tells his wife he is going to bed, and to tell anyone who might come looking for him that he has the flu and has been in bed all day. A few hours later the police knock on the door. They ask if hubby lives there and his wife says yes. They ask to see him and she replies that he is in bed with the flu and has been so all day. The police have his driver's license. They ask to see his car and she asks why. They insist on seeing his car, so she takes them to the garage and opens the door and there sits their police car, lights still flashing. True story, told by the driver at his first AA meeting in jail.





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Making Icons 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 13

What stopped the riots in England?

The police credit the wisdom of the politicians for beeing too
busy making speeches and claiming credit and not having time 
left over for interfering with police.

What was new and different was the extremely fast organization
of racial vigilante groups, who chased the yobs out of their 
areas and dispersed them. 

Yes, racial! 
When the yobs saw solid lines of Sikhs, not masked, but carrying
baseball bats and pick handles, they ran. The same with groups
of Muslims, and also mixed groups of immigrants, who simply 
did not allow looting and burning and rioting in their neighborhoods, 
and showed the yobs, that they were a lot more serious about 
neighborhood protection, than the yobs were for recreational 
violence. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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People often say that motivation doesn't last. Well, neither does bathing — that's why we recommend it daily. --- Zig Ziglar "Some people are born on third base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." --- Barry Switzer
A man was eating a meal at a restaurant. He checks his pockets and leaves his tip -- three pennies. As he strides toward the door, his waitress muses, only half to herself, "You know, you can tell a lot about a man by the tip he leaves." The man turns around, curiosity getting the better of him. "Oh, really? Tell me, what does my tip say?" "Well, this penny tells me you're a thrifty man." Barely able to conceal his pride, the man utters, "Hmm, true enough." "And this penny, it tells me you're a bachelor." Surprised at her perception, he says, "Well, that's true, too." "And the third penny tells me that your father was one, too."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

The old town blacksmith realised he couldn't work so hard anymore. He picked out strong young Chuck Deville to become his apprentice. The old fellow was impatient and exacting. "Don't ask me a lot of questions," he told Chuck, "Just do whatever I tell you to do." One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil. "Get the hammer over there," he said. "When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard." Chuck is no longer an apprentice.
Thanks to Lillemor for this picure: One of our cactuses bloomed today Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thomas Fortenberry, 30, Pasadena Honey-Soaked Naked Girls Were Filmed By Pastor Statute of limitations saves Texan pastor from prosecution AUGUST 8--Using a hidden video camera, a Texas man filmed four naked, honey-drenched teenage girls while they showered at a church in 2007, where he worked as a youth pastor. But since the statute of limitations has already expired, prosecutors today were forced to dismiss felony charges lodged against Thomas Fortenberry, who allegedly did the surreptitious filming in November 2007 at the Greater Harvest Community Church in Pasadena. The 30-year-old Fortenberry, investigators alleged, organized a “Fear Factor” game that included honey being poured over four girls he had picked to participate. After the contest, Fortenberry instructed the minors that they “could take a shower and wash the honey” off their bodies. It was at this point that he allegedly videotaped the four teenagers with a camera he had hidden in the church bathroom. Investigators learned about the filming from one of the girls, who eventually went on to date Fortenberry. “When they became closer and it looked like they might be married,” Fortenberry, pictured above, told the victim, now 21, “that he had secretly videotaped her taking a shower” at the church. The woman, who was 17 at the time of the “Fear Factor” incident, added that Fortenberry confessed to secretly videotaping three other girls (two 15-year-olds and a 17-year-old). When confronted by a police officer, Fortenberry would not deny having filmed the teenagers. “The defendant would only say that he has done things that he should not have done.” Either way, Texas prosecutors today announced that they could not pursue charges against Fortenberry since the incident occurred more than three years ago, beyond the statute of limitations for the improper photography/visual recording count. The felony complaints, which were filed against Fortenberry on August 4, were dismissed today by the Harris County District Attorney’s office.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Calla Re: Making icons Dear Webby I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and wherever, but I have to make new ones. What program do you recommend for that? The machines are all XP. Calla Dear Calla Icons are just .bmp pictures renamed to .ico Paint your icons 32 x 32 pixels, save them as .BMP files, and then rename them by using the file explorer to .ICO. Then you can highlight a shortcut, select properties, chanege Icon and select your just made .ico picture. There are programs available for making icons, some quite expensive, but all you really need is any graphics program, that will let you save files as .BMP. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Once upon a time there was a Prince who, through no fault of his own, was cast under a spell by an evil witch. The curse was that the Prince could speak only one word each year. However, he could save up the words so that if he did not speak for a whole year, then the following year he was allowed to speak two words (this was before the time of letter writing or sign language). One day he met a beautiful woman (ruby lips, golden hair, sapphire eyes,) and fell madly in love. With the greatest difficulty he decided to refrain from speaking for two whole years so that he could look at her and say, "my darling," But, at the end of the two years he wished to tell her that he loved her. Because of this he waited three more years without speaking (bringing the total number of silent years to 5). But, at the end of these five years he realized that he had to ask her to marry him. So, he waited ANOTHER four years without speaking. Finally as the ninth year of silence ended, his joy knew no bounds. Leading the lovely lady to the most secluded and romantic place in that beautiful royal garden the prince heaped a hundred red roses on her lap, knelt before her, and taking her hand in his, said huskily, "My darling, I love you! Will you marry me?" And the lady tucked a strand of golden hair behind a dainty ear, opened her sapphire eyes in wonder, and parting her ruby lips, said, "Pardon?" So he threw her into the moat and married her deaf sister, who did not expect any speeches.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Transfer Patterns with Vinyl Tablecloth Use dollar store plastic or vinyl tablecloths to transfer sewing or craft patterns onto. They last a lot longer by doing this. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A police car pulled up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa got out. The polite policeman explained that the elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park... and couldn't find his way home. "Morris," said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! How come you get lost today?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear, grandpa whispered, "I wasn't lost . . . I was just too tired to walk home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Tina for this story: In my husband's work for a cable-television company, he encounters illegal hookups that drive up costs for other customers. One day he arrived at a repair job just as the homeowner was pulling into the driveway. She pointed the way to the den, where the tv was located, and then walked out to get the mail. As my husband approached the tv, he saw a note taped to the screen. It read: "Don't forget to hide the descramblers before the cable guy comes. Love, Tom."

» Essential Treats

Thanks to Km for this one: Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demonstrating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" Yes, I replied, that was a good analogy. "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap mine like a burrito?"





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Not hiding 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 11


Does that look like the gene pool needs more chlorine?



Monika Konczyk,32, a recent immigrant from Poland, 
jumping from her apartment, after rioters set the ground floor 
shops on fire. 
She was caught by a Romanian man named Adrian.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The truth is rarely pure and never simple. --- Oscar Wilde Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. --- Jim Bishop
A housewife, an accountant and a lawyer were asked "How much is 2+2?" The housewife replies: "Four!" The accountant says: "I think it's either 3 or 4. Let me run those figures through my spreadsheet one more time." The lawyer pulls the drapes, dims the lights and asks in a hushed voice, "How much do you want it to be?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you! It makes you look ten years younger." "Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my hat!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Estern Kingbird
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorena Tavera, with and without $2000 make-over Lorena Tavera, 21, in El Paso However, she is known to police and they had no problem recognizing her. Former Miss El Paso USA arrested for shoplifting A local beauty queen was arrested for shoplifting Friday for allegedly taking a $69 shirt from the Dillard's at Sunland Park Mall. El Paso police arrested Miss El Paso USA 2008 Lorena Tavera at 6:45 p.m. Friday after store employees reported the theft. The workers told police that Tavera, 21, took the shirt and hid it in a plastic shopping bag before walking out without paying for it. Employees stopped Tavera outside the store and had her wait until police arrived. Tavera faces a charge of theft for an item over $50 but under $500. She also had two outstanding traffic warrants. Jail records show she was booked into the El Paso County Jail early Saturday and released Saturday afternoon after posting bond, which totaled $728. A reporter from Channel 9-KTSM who contacted Tavera on Monday quoted her as saying details of the incident were "misconstrued, and it's twisted." She declined further comment to the station, telling them she needed to contact her lawyer. According to a biography posted online, Tavera attends the University of Texas at El Paso and hopes to start a marketing company to promote fashion designers. Tavera was also crowned Miss El Paso Teen USA in 2006. Two years later, after winning the Miss El Paso USA pageant, she placed sixth at the Miss Texas USA pageant.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joe Re: Mailing Address Dear Webby Send me a mailing an address and i will make contribution. Joe Dear Joe I am not hiding! My mailing address has always been near the left bottom corner of the Humor Letter. Webby Box 646 Black Diamond, AB T0L 0H0 Canada If Hotmail cuts it off before you get down that far, you can always browse to the Online copy at http://webby.com/humor Have FUN! DearWebby
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A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So, who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of useless nonsense did he con you into?" "He told me to come and see you."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cardboard From Tissue Box Open up the glued end of an empty large tissue box so it is now flat. Trim off the logo area. You can use the plain white area if you wish. Trim off ends and save them. You can get three tiny gift tags from the ends. You can make 4 cards, 1 bookmark, and 24 tiny tags from a single box or 7 cards and 21 tags from one box! For gift tags, punch a small hole in the top and add a ribbon to tie on to the gift. Attach a ribbon to the top of your bookmark the same way. Not all boxes measure the same, so don't worry if you don't come up with the same cuts or think you made a mistake. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the phase her teen-age daughter was going though. One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left side was appendicitis. Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right. "So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter wailed. "My appendicitis is on the wrong side."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. one of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster went into the local watering hole. The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other end of the bar. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the end there." The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a commie and union organizer, and we don't serve his kind around here." "Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I wouldn't be here. You remember when the mine that caved ? Well I was in the mine and so was that guy. When the last of us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from holding the roof up." The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot on his head but I also couldn't help noticing a big huge bruise under his chin. What is that all about?" The engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."

» Coffee

Earl says he used to yearn for a pretty women. Now the "Y" is silent.





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Ray Stevens 

Ray Stevens and the Obama Budget

http://www.youtube.com/watch_popup?v=J6TcpfBHlbs




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Observations 

The Government wants more money? Why don't they try selling candy bars like the Boy Scouts do?

Many people will spend the summer occupied with fishing and politics. In fishing you use a worm, and in politics a worm uses you.

A person that learns from their mistakes is smart. A person that learns from other people's mistakes is smarter.

Why be difficult? Put some effort in and be impossible.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

I'm learning to speak Spanish by calling my bank and pressing the #2 button.

It takes less time to do something right than to explain why you did it wrong.

The things you tell your teenagers don't reach them 'til they're in their 40s.

He who lives without discipline dies without honor.

I have a speech impediment . . . my foot.

I need some duck tape . . . my duck has a quack in it.

I was thinking of becoming a doctor. I have the handwriting for it.

The more you say, the less people remember.

98% of the time I am right. Why worry about the other 3%.

With proper diet, rest, and exercise a healthy body will last a lifetime.

Thesaurus: ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary.

Practice courtesy. You never know when it might become popular again.

Any sports fan can tell you the most brutal thing about professional football is the price of the tickets.

It's discouraging to think how many people are shocked by honesty and how few by deceit.

The measure of success is not how much money you have in the bank, but rather how much money the bank will lend you.

The real goal is to be rich the moment after you die.

Anyone who starts a sentence "With all due respect..." is about to insult you.

Don't count your fish until they're on dry land.

Don't judge, you idiot.

Marriage is like a tourniquet; it stops your circulation.

Everything on land is within walking distance.

The road to success is marked with many tempting parking places.

We're not truly happy until we focus on others.

Sarcasm: an ingenious way of making intelligent people feel stupid.

Love isn't blind . . . it just has Attention Deficit Disorder.

Life is a bowl of cherries . . . overpriced and only available at certain times.

A lot of good-looking faces are wasted on ugly people.

Funny that most of our best-sellers are written at a 9th-grade reading level.

Small talk is one step down from no talk.

If it weren't for humor, we might never get at the truth.

To understand politics, we must read between the lies.



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Hard to read text on many sites 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 10


NATO bombing in Libya?
Nah, just routine riots in London, England.

Unlike Gadafi's evil cops, who were roughing up arsonists,
looters and shooters, the English cops are keeping their 
cool. I guss they don't want Gadafi to call for NATO to
bomb London.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies." --- Laurence Sterne Yeah, but I am tough, Sterne, and your English stinks!
Thanks to Gord for this one: Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I knocked his wheelchair over with the car in the parking lot."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me." Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?" God said, "Go down into that valley." Adam said, "What's a valley?" God explained it to him. Then God said, "Cross the river." Adam said, "What's a river?" God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......." Adam said, "What is a hill?" So, God explained to Adam what a hill was. He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave" Adam said, "What's a cave?" After God explained, he said, "In the cave you will find a Woman." Adam said, "What's a woman?" So God explained that to him, too. Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce." Adam said, "How do I do that?" God first said (under his breath), "Geez....." And then, just like everything else, God explained that to Adam, as well. So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman. Then, in about five minutes, he was back. God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, "What is it now?" And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Deborah Hunt, 43, in Langport, England V stupid drunk driver A WOMAN drink-driver flicks a V-sign yesterday - after admitting tearing 23 miles down a motorway fast lane in the wrong direction. Uninsured Deborah Hunt, 43 - who was 2˝ times the booze limit - nearly smashed into a cop car at 60mph and ignored chasing police. The jobless mum-of-three stopped on the M5 hard shoulder near Burnham-on-Sea, Somerset, only when she ran out of petrol. Hunt, of nearby Langport, wept as she admitted dangerous and drink-driving and being uninsured. North Somerset magistrates bailed her until sentencing on August 30.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Remy Re: Hard to read text on many sites Dear Webby A lot of web sites are using a black or midnight-blue page background. That makes their normally navy colored text unreadable. How can anybody be that stupid ? And how can I read their text anyway? Remy Dear Remy Most likely you have your browser set to use YOUR color choices for text and for links. Click in your browser on TOOLS Internet Options Accessibility In there take off the checkmarks. That allows the browser to use the text and link colors specified by the webmaster of the site that you are visiting. If they use a blak background, then most likely they specified a silver or white text. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Cindy A man stops by a diner at noon, the busiest time of day, sits down at the counter and asks for a cup of coffee. The waitress, who is very busy, gives him his coffee and rushes off to help the numerous customers having lunch at the diner. The man, who uses both creamer and sugar in his coffee, notices that the container is empty. As the waitress rushes by, he asks her to bring him cream and sugar for his coffee. The waitress, busier than she can ever remember being before, rushes to the back to pick up more orders. As she passes the cabinet where the extra sugar and cream are kept, she sets a plate down and puts sugar cubes and creamer packets in her bra because both her hands are full. After she has served the two plates she was holding, she returns to the man and asks him, "How many sugar cubes did you want in your coffee?" The man says, "Two would be fine." She reaches into her bra, pulls out two sugar cubes and drops them into his cup. "And cream?" she asks. The man looks at her, squarely in the eye and says, "I don't think so!" ---------------- That must have been way over in the East ! A Western Gentleman would have offered to assist her with the search for cream!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Organize Coupons In Card Sheet Protectors I was having a hard time keeping up with my coupons. So a friend of mine bought me a binder for my birthday, and I bought a pack of baseball card holder sleeves and a pack of dividers. Now I am so organized it's scary. My son says what is scary is that I actually know what coupons I have! It's a race to see how many I can use before they expire. I also have a steno pad where I write down for each store what I will use with a coupon. Source: Money Saving Mom By Paula from Weldon http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The father was very proud when his son went off to college. He came to tour the school on Parents' Day and observed his son hard at work in the chemistry lab. "What are you working on?" he asked. "A universal solvent," explained the son, " a solvent that'll dissolve anything." The father whistled, clearly impressed, then wondered aloud, "What'll you keep it in?"

» Coffee

TEN THINGS A CAT THINKS ABOUT 1. I could have sworn I heard the can opener. 2. Is there something I'm not getting when humans make noise with their mouths? 3. Why doesn't the government do something about dogs? 4. I wonder if Morris really liked 9-Lives, or did he have ulterior motives? 5. Hmmm... If dogs serve humans, and humans serve cats, why can't we cats ever get these stupid dogs to do anything for us? 6. This looks like a good spot for a nap. 7. Hey -- no kidding, I'm sure that's the can opener. 8. Would humans have built a vast and complex civilization of their own if we cats hadn't given them a reason to invent sofas and can openers in the first place? 9. If there's a God, how can He allow neutering? 10. If that really was the can opener, I'll play finicky just to let them know who's boss!





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US Debt: A little perspective 

U.S. income: $2,170,000,000,000

Federal budget: $3,820,000,000,000
New debt: $ 1,650,000,000,000
National debt: $14,271,000,000,000
Recent budget cut: $ 38,500,000,000 (about 1 percent of the budget)

It helps to think about these numbers in terms that we can relate to.
Therefore, let’s remove eight zeros from these numbers and pretend this is a household budget.

Total annual income for the Jones family: $21,700
Amount of money the Jones family spent: $38,200
Amount of new debt added to the credit card: $16,500
Outstanding balance on the credit card: $142,710
Amount cut from the budget: $385





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Too many processes at start-up 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 9

Thank you John H!

A friend asked me what kind of equipment was required to
use Skype. 

A keyboard or something to type, even a touch screen would 
do fine. Anything beyond that is entirely optional.
If you want to use it to voice call land lines and cell phones,
then a head set or microphone and speakers come in handy.
Ear-bud head sets are usually $2.39 and up.
Ear cup head sets are usually from $4.95 and up.
Naturally, equipment made for TV studios is considerably
more expensive, mostly because they have limitless amounts
of money.

The same goes for video chatting. That is entirely optional,
and after the novelty wears off, is usually not much used.
However, if you do want free video chatting, Skype
has a plug and play "Buddy Cam" for $30. 

Yes, you can get web cams for a lot less than that, but you 
may have to read instructions to get the computer to 
recognize them.

The cost and quality of the camera is not really important.
A cheap under $20 camera and a fast Internet connection
produces much better results than the most expensive camera
and a slow connection.

However, don't fret about a camera. You probably won't use
it that much anyway. Who wants to check their hair etc each
time before talking to somebody? 

98% of the time I just use text. 1.9% of the time I use voice,
and only 0.1% of the time I use video.  

And of the video calls, most of them are people trying out
their new video and testing it by skyping dearwebby.

One tip I have to mention amost every time.
Make sure, there is no window behind you!
Web cams are like security cams and reach far into the dark.
What might seem dark to you, is still quite bright for the
camera, and a light window behind you makes your face
black and unrecognizable. If you can't change the location,
put some curtains or blinds in front of the window.

And don't be shy about skyping me to test your system.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball We are inclined to believe those whom we do not know because they have never deceived us. --- Samuel Johnson
A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother agrees. The next day he brings three beautiful women into the house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "the red-head in the middle." He was surprised that his mother was able to guess the correct woman, "How do you know?!" The mother replies, "I don't like her!"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo atonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be performed. Her dad told her that she would be suspended from the ceiling by her heels, so that the tonsil, after it was cut loose, would not fall down her throat, and so that she would not drown in the gallons of blood from the cut. She suspected that he was putting her on and scaring her, but her babbling did slow down. "Dad," she asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone."
Siesta
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Mulvenna, 56, in Barnsley, England Colorblind horse ran red light BARNSLEY, England, Aug. 8 (UPI) -- A British man fined $82 for driving his horse-drawn carriage while drunk said he ran a red light because the animal is colorblind. John Mulvenna, 56, who also received a 12-month conditional discharge when he pleaded guilty in Barnsley, England, to a charge of being drunk in charge of a horse and carriage, maintained he went through the red light because his horse, Fred, is colorblind, The Daily Express reported Monday. Authorities said Mulvenna also directed the horse the wrong way down a one-way street. John Dobbin, Mulvenna's lawyer, said his client had consumed four pints of beer prior to the incident.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Duane Re: Too many processes starting up Hi Webby, I would like to stop so many processes from starting up when I start my computer. I would like to only start up with the necessary ones but when I look at them all I just don't understand which is which an you tell me what all those abbreviations stand for? Thanks, Duane Dear Duane People have wanted and demanded that since the days of DOS, and Microsoft has consistently done the opposite. About all you can do is use programs like "StartUpCop" to weed out a few optional programs and shuffle some of the mandatory ones to get a faster start-up. You can get StartUpCop from my Tool Box, but I would not guarantee, that you gain a huge amount of time. It's prime use is to move optional and not immediately required programs farther down the start-up list, and others, that you need immediately, like for example Skype, closer to the top. Have FUN! DearWebby
AD #2
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Thanks to Bob for this one: "How are you doing with your new girlfriend?" "I'm having second thoughts. I asked her if she could learn to love me." "Yeah-- and?" "And she asked me how much I was willing to spend on her education."
Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Cover Sliding Door With Trash Bags To Keep Cool Keep your house cooler by putting trash bags on sliding doors when it is hot and sunny outside. My sliding door lets a huge amount of sun and heat in, in the morning. I use those large black yard waste trash bags to block the sun and heat. Painters tape will hold the bag. I only need two pieces at the top. When the area is shady I just take the bag down and fold it up to reuse. I stick the painters tape to the sides of the door frame and reuse it also. I am sure it would work the same if you get evening sunlight. Standing outside on a sunny day, you can't even tell it is there. By dlginlove from Saint Peters, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Why not use a "Space Blanket" ? They are cheap ($2.49 - $4.95) and extremely strong. Instead of absorbing the sun's rays and passing them on, a space blanket reflects it back at the sun. A space blanket is strong and durable enough, that you can have it outside, and keep the glass cool. You can use a retractable slide projector screen with a torn screen and tape on the space blanket. A really bad storm will rip off the retractor, but the space blanket won't be damaged. It is also easy enough to make a retractor with a broom handle and an old alarmclock spring. Tape the bottom around a thin dowel, that is a bit wider. When you pull it down, you can hook the dowel ends into small eye-bolts in the frame. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Nancy for this one: After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up not talking to each other for days. Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts was. "Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me." He looked confused, "What are you talking about?" "Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three days?" I challenged. "No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The course was very thorough. What wasn't covered in class was covered on the final exam."

» Thundercat Racing

Overheard in the elevator: "Oh, I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of the stars and their size and temperatures and all that. What really gets me is how they find out what their names are!"





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Etrade Baby Loses Everything 



Online trading: it's like giving guns to monkeys.




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Wrong format newsletters 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 8

The clover flowers were brown and ready to be cut and blown 
all over the lawn. Since clover is tougher than dandylions and
overpowers them, I time my mowing to help them. I noticed 
that this year the department of Education has copied my 
method for the high school soccer field across the street 
from me. Sure beats wasting a big pile of money on weed
killers!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
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"One ship sails east, another west, By the self same winds that blow. It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails, That determines the way we go." --- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" The teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and then some poor innocent kid has to memorize that boring stuff."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

A lady was browsing through everything at a yard sale and said to the hostess, "My husband is going to be so upset when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure he'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains you found," the hostess replied. "Normally, yes," the lady said. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bunch of Greenpeacers in Calgary Greenpeace activists fined Members of Greenpeace who rappelled down from the catwalk of the Calgary Tower to unfurl a huge banner have been fined by a Calgary court. The activists unrolled a banner that read "Separate Oil and State" on August 3, 2010. Police originally charged nine people, eight Canadians and a man from Belgium, with one count each of breaking in and mischief to property under $5,000. Police believe the activists gained entry through a ground level emergency exit and then rode the elevator to the top. Once there, they strapped on climbing gear and crawled out a window on the observation deck and onto the tower's catwalk. Seven of the nine were in court in Calgary on Friday to answer to the charges and were fined $2000 + 15% victim surcharge, Police had decided against shooting them down and allowed the Greenpeace members to finish their protest. They were arrested when they exited the tower. Calgary is not a state, it is a town, and not a captital. The capital of Alberta, a province, not a state, is Edmonton. The province of Alberta is not in the oil business. All oil business in Alberta is 100% Free Enterprise, even though some pension and medical and social service funds do have minority shares in quite a few oil related companies. That is strictly for generating funds, not meddling in the decisionmaking. Possibly the banner had been intended for Syria, or some place, where the state messes with oil, but the Greenpeacers got scared and picked a safer location, even though their banner made absolutely no sense in Calgary. By the way, Calgary had the first G8 summit without violence or property damage.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: PENNIE Re: WRONG FORMAT HI WEBBY, THANKS FOR YOUR NEWSLETTERS -- I REALLY ENJOY THEM. HOW DO I GET BACK TO NORMAL FONT -- I DID NOT ASK FOR LARGE PRINT. COULD YOU PLEASE HELP ME ? TAKE CARE AND KEEP WELL. PENNIE Dear Pennie Remember, you are "one of those silly yahoos", that everybody laughs about, and you don't rate reliable email reception. You are subscribed to both versions, the regular and the large font. *********@yahoo.com|PENNIE|humor HuMorL Both are sent out to you every nght. One or more is apparently censored by YAHOO, because they think you are "one of those silly yahoos" who don't deserve newsletters. Once your newsletter has entered the YAHOO server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Then it is strictly between YAHOO and you. Since you can't get YAHOO to deliver mail reliably, it would be a good idea to get a reliable address on the side. You can still use YAHOO for cyber-sex, or whatever it is that you yahoos do, but at least you will have reliable mail for newsletters, utility invoices, etc. I will generate an invitation to Gmail for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Susanne for this one: At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to com- ment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls. After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked these commercially, how much do you think I could get for one of them?" Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About 10 years."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make A Draining And Drying Frame I needed a way to drain green beans and butter beans after picking and washing them. My husband made a frame and covered it with Hardware Cloth. After washing the beans, I pour them on the wire and spread them out to drain. I have found that the frame has other uses too. This morning, I washed pillows and the frame is perfect for drying them in the hot sun. The picture shows the bottom side of the frame. The top side has no edging which makes it easy to rake the beans off into a bucket after they are dry. By hate litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To determine the source of an internal ailment, Judy had to undergo a battery of diagnostic tests. All was going fine until she was give a form to sign which stated that one out of 10,000 people had a violent allergic reaction to one of the tests. Obviously very concerned, she asked the doctor, "What number are they on now?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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At a boat-rental concession, the manager went to the lake's edge and yelled through his megaphone, "Number 99, come in, please. Your time is up." Several minutes passed, but the boat didn't return. "Boat number 99," he again hollered, "return to the dock immediately or I'll have to charge you overtime." "Something is wrong here, boss," his assistant said. "We only have 75 boats. There is no number 99." The manager thought for a moment and then raised his mega- phone: "Boat number 66," he yelled. "Are you having trouble out there?"

» Uyuni, Bolivia

When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."





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Parental Controls 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 7




Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Keep your head and your heart going in the right direction and you will not have to worry about your feet." --- Socratex
A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs, racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms. As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian scruples? I believe you would defend Satan himself!" "I don't know," George says, "what has your kid done this time ?"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their fathers. The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50." The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him $100." The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it takes eight people to collect all the money!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Bausch, 56, in DeLeon Springs, Florida Man robbed blind woman DELEON SPRINGS, Fla. -- A DeLeon Springs man forced his way into a blind woman's home, pushed her to the ground and stole a pet bird he had traded to her, deputies said. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, Mark Bausch regretting trading his pet sun conure to the 64-year-old woman and her 81-year-old mother in exchange for $50 and a computer. Bausch went to the women's home on Ponce DeLeon Boulevard on Thursday afternoon and demanded the bird back, saying he missed his pet and the computer ran too slow, deputies said. When they refused Bausch's request, he forced his way into the home, shoved the blind woman to the ground and went into her bedroom, where he shoved her again, took the bird and fled in his truck, deputies said. Using a description from the women, deputies said they were able to find Bausch, who was in his truck along with the bird. The sun conure is valued at around $300. Bausch was arrested and charged with home invasion robbery, grand theft and abuse of a disabled adult. He is being held on $13,000 bond at the Volusia County Branch Jail. The woman suffered minor injuries in the altercation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Parental Controls Dear Webby, Your the best there is anywhere on the Net!!! And probably elsewhere too. Your advice is always right on! Anyway i want to ask you a question...I have a 6 year old Granddaughter who is so................Computer savvy... Yes i said 6 and she knows a lot since when she was only a baby her Dad held her while he worked the Puter. She has been going to YouTube and at first it was OK since it was silly Dora stuff and games. Now we find out she has been going to places not fit for an Adult let alone a 5 year old... Where do I go for the Parental stopping her? I would really appreciate your advice also. Thank you , Jaye Dear Jaye I am most definitely not an expert on parental controls. I will mention your plight, and hopefully a reader will respond with good information. Personally, I would be more in favor of educating her about what is good for her and what isn't, than in giving her an incentive to become a better expert in parental controls, than you are. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Vinyl Records To clean the grooves of old records, dip a shaving brush in a mixture of equal parts distilled water and triple distilled vodka. Brush the mixture into the grooves of the record and dry with a tack cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he brought them to the table. "The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said. He took a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these are so good." As he finished one and took another he again complimented his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly?" And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer. His nephew replied, "I licked them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The FDA just approved a new drug for obesity; they say it causes modest weight loss when combined with diet and exercise. Of course, beer combined with diet and exercise does the same thing

» Kilauea

A guy goes to the Patents Office with some designs. He tells the clerk. "I'd like to register my new invention, a folding bottle." "Oh sure says the clerk, "what do you call it?" "A fottle," says the inventor "That's a silly name., can you think of anything else?" "I'll think about it," says the inventor. I've got something else here a folding carton "And what do you call that?", asks the clerk. "A farton." "Thats rude....You can't possibly use that name!" "Gee" says Inventor, "then your'e going to HATE the name of my folding bucket!"





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How do yourecognize a scam? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 6

Happy Valentines Day for all the subscribers in China!


On the Chinese Valentine's Day, people in love like to go to 
the temple of Matchmaker and pray for their love and the 
possible marriage. People still single will do the same thing 
to ask their luck of love in the Matchmaker temple.

The Chinese Valentine's Day is also called The Daughter's 
Festival. Long ago, Chinese girls always wanted to train 
themselves having a good handcrafting skill like the 
Weaving Maid. The skill is essential for their future family. 
On that night, the unmarried girls may pray for the 
Weaving Maid star to let them become smarter. When the 
star Vega is high up in the sky, girls do a test, which is 
to put a needle on the water surface. If the needle doesn't 
sink, then girl is already smart enough and ready to find a 
husband. Girls may ask for any wish, but only one per year.

The Weaving Maid is from the really ancient history, about
the 7th daughter of Emperor of Heaven and an orphaned cowherd. 
They were separated by the Emperor. 
The 7th daughter was forced to move to the star Vega and the 
cowherd moved to the star Altair. They are allowed to meet only 
once a year on the day of 7th day of 7th lunar month
This year, that is today, August 6.

The star Vega (Weaving Maid) is the 5th brightest star in the sky. 
Therefore, it's very easy to find in the summer night. The size of 
Vega is 16 times bigger than the Sun. The temperature on its 
surface is more than 10,000 degrees. The brightness of Vega 
is 25 times brighter than the Sun. It's 25 light years away 
from the Earth.

The star Altair (Cowherd) is the 11th brightest star in the sky. 
Therefore, it's not difficult to find in the summer night. The size 
of Altair is 4 times bigger than the Sun. The temperature on its 
surface is about 8,000 degrees. The brightness of Altair is 
11 times brighter than the Sun. It's 17 light years away from 
the Earth.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"You can often measure a person by the size of his dream." --- Robert H. Schuller It's a recession when your neighbor loses his job; it's a depression when you lose yours. --- Harry S Truman If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle
Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. That was for cleaning the dishes all the time!"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

"Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Leroy Michael Smith, 41, in Wilkes-Barre, PA PA. man shot toilet in bar named Shooters WILKES-BARRE, PA. -- Authorities say a man is charged with using a stolen handgun to shoot a toilet in a northeastern Pennsylvania bar named Shooters. Police say they received a report of a toilet being shot in the men's room at the Wilkes-Barre bar early Tuesday. Police say 41-year-old Leroy Michael Smith walked out of the bar after the gunshot and returned five minutes later. Investigators believe Smith hid the gun in the seat of a vehicle. Police say they later recovered the weapon. Smith told investigators he didn't shoot the toilet. He has been released from jail after posting $5,000 bail. It's not clear if he has an attorney. Smith was charged with reckless endangerment, receiving stolen property and illegal possession of a firearm by a convicted felon. Leroy Michael Smith
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Louis Re: How do you recognize something is a scam? Dear Webby, How do you recognize if something is a silly scam or if it is real ? Louis Dear Louis If there is a line that says: "Pass this on to all you friends." then it is a silly scam or political, or both. If it is the opposite, and warns you NOT to tell anybody about it, then it is usually a scam. If somebody wants your help in disbursing illegitimate money, then it definitely is a scam. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Beifeld's Principle: The probability of a young man seeing a desirable and receptive young female increases by pyramidal progression when he is already in the company of: (1) a date, (2) his wife, (3) a better looking and richer, single male friend.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Container Covers from Old Socks If your daughter is going away to college, here is a great tip to use some of her colorful socks if she has any. You can slip glass, plastic, or cardboard containers (whatever they will stretch around) into them for handy organizers. This gives them a little piece of home without being too obvious to others. If she is into jogging, make wrist bands out of them. Cut off the foot part with pinking shears. Run a stitch used for elastic around the raw edge after you turn it under. Good luck to her and to you, if you are an empty-nester now. By latrtatr from Loup City, NE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandma in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
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It was my first year of teaching tenth-graders geometry, and I was frustrated with the lack of effort in the class. Trying to make the group more interactive, I asked, "Who can define a polygon?" The reply was, "A dead parrot."

» Double Exposure

While driving along the back roads of a small town, two truckers came to an overpass with a sign that read CLEARANCE 11'3". They got out and measured their rig, which was 12'4". "What do you think?" one asked the other. The driver looked around carefully, then shifted into first. "Not a cop in sight. Let's take a chance!"





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The Good Old Days 

When I was a kid, adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot...BOTH ways. yadda, yadda, yadda

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way in hell I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of forty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a damn Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it! I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the damn library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents! Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to kick our ass! Nowhere was safe! There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself! Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and @#*% it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled, Baby! Dig?

We didn't have fancy crap like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it! There weren't any freakin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a damn call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY GOD !!! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7!!!

And then there's texting. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are. And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your drug dealer, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, mister!

We didn't have any fancy PlayStation or Xbox video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were screwed when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your ass and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! no remotes!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait all week for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh, no, no electronics to soothe and comfort. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1970 or any time before!

Regards,The Over 40 Crowd/



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What to do when you can't vote 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, Aug 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks, Sig!

Looks like the OPEC leased Senate got away without approving the 
Keysotne XL pipeline. It is a 36 inch pipeline from Alberta,Canada
to Texas, USA, hauling NorthAmerican oil to the refineries and 
distribution points in Texas. 

The Keysotne XL pipeline is privately funded, not tax payer
funded, though undoubtedly, a lot of polititians will arrange 
for donors and relatives to get fancy jobs reporting on it.
However, construction and maintenance of the pipeline
is privately funded and once the permit is approved, will
pump $20 Billion of new spending into the US economy 
and create about 120,000 new jobs and and generate 
an estimated $600 million in state and local taxes along 
the pipeline route, according to the Teamsters Union, which
is quite in favor of the pipeline and the 120,000 new jobs.

The measure passed the House 279-147, but Harry and the 
other pro-Arabian senators managed to hurry off for their
undeserved taxpayer funded vacations, instead of voting
on it. After all, it's only 120,000 jobs. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My new dress. Do you like it? It's from my favorite designer, "On Sale." --- Rita Rudner "Things are more like they are now, than they ever were be- fore." --D. Eisenhower One machine can do the work of fifty ordinary men. No machine can do the work of one extraordinary man. --- Elbert Hubbard If you help a relative in need, he or she will remember you the next time they are in need. --- Socratex
At a major medical convention, a noted internist arises to announce that he has discovered a new miracle antibiotic. "What's it cure?" asks a member of the audience. "Nothing we don't already have a drug for," the internist replies. "Well, what's so miraculous about it?" "One of the side effects is short-term memory loss. Several of my patients have paid my bill three or four times."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

The following conversation took place one morning between a wife and her now ex-husband. They were discussing government cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. "Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it looks like the government is going to cut the military forces. They are going to eliminate six over-aged destroyers." To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone." ---------------------- That sure reminds me of the first English speaking girlfriend I had. I was about 18 then. She was 26 and required at least two hours of arguing every night to make her "headache" go away. I sure learned a lot of English ! One time, I tried to jokingly call her "Battle-Axe" but accidentally called her "Battle-Ship". She didn't let me forget that for the 3-4 years that we were together.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Stambaugh, in jail in Montana Cheetos no excuse for drunk driving Cheetos may be great for a quick snack, but if you're trying to cover up your boozy breath when you get pulled over... not so much. At least that's what the Montana Supreme Court is telling a Lincoln County man, who tried to cover up his alcohol-laced breath when he was stopped for drunk driving and speeding in November 2009. Prosecutors had successfully convicted Charles Stambaugh of the November 2009 traffic stop, where a Lincoln County traffic deputy saw him speeding and followed him to a local truck stop. The deputy told the court he found Stambaugh inside at the snack counter with "red, puffy eyes" in the process of buying the "dangerously cheesy snack," quoting court documents. Prosecutors say that Stambaugh stuffed an "extremely large handful" of Cheetos into his mouth before the deputy could stop him, and continued to shovel them in during questioning. The deputy said Stambaugh was "uncooperative" and "would not relinquish his Cheetos." Stambaugh was then taken to jail where he failed a breath test. Stambaugh had been appointed a public defender, but later dismissed the attorney and tried to represent himself. Almost 10 months later he asked for a new court attorney, but the Justice Court said he hadn't shown "good cause." The high court agreed with that ruling last week, and said the state's evidence was sufficient to uphold Stambaugh's original conviction. The court offered no direct advice on the general issue of Cheetos consumption.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Can't vote Dear Webby, it has been happening fairly frequently that the site for voting does not respond when I try to vote. It did so again this AM. Thought you might like to know, perhaps those folks do not..... Carol Dear Carol They are not on our servers. They are totally independent and on some West coast server. I already wrote them this morning. Their addresses are: reply@thriftyfun.com support@cumuli.com Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator together at the end of an unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to complaining patients from morning 'til night, on a day like this, and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's over?" The older analyst replied, "I don't turn on my hearing aid till 5PM, otherwise the batteries go dead before the evening is over."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Hello," she whispered. "Hi, Honey. How's your mother doing?" I asked. "She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper. "Did she go to the doctor?" I asked. "Yes. She got some medicine," my niece said softly. "Well, don't wake her. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "As soon as I finish eating, I will be practicing my trumpet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party. As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a large portion of the salmon's midsection. The hostess decided to quickly drive to the corner store and get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion and camouflage it with parsley sprigs. As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the hostess into the kitchen again and announced while wringing her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead." The hostess and her husband informed the guests and suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital and had their stomachs pumped. Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had put the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over it on the way back from the corner store."

» Double Exposure

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?





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Ebay 

E-Bay Problems

Does anyone know how to cancel a bid on E-Bay?

I put in a $7 bid for a "Mickey Mouse Outfit", and now it seems I'm only nineteen minutes away from owning Obama's entire Cabinet.





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Digital camera and microscope 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 4

Can you lose weight with just walking, or do you need more
strenuous exercise?

Yes, half an hour walking every day is more effective than 
an hour of strenuous sweating at a gym once or twice a week.
In addition to that, half an hour walking is less likely to
lead to binge eating to reward yourself for the exercise.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Pick battles big enough to matter, yet small enough to win." --- Jonathan Kozol Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them. --- Socratex
An insurance salesman was trying to persuade Marnie that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?" Marnie thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. or maybe a kid or two. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible that I ran after the mailman, who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late. A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Brown Thrasher
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 57 Thief had 25 pairs of panties Police in Florida said an off-duty officer arrested a shoplifter found to have stuffed a polo shirt and 25 pairs of women's panties into his shorts. Winter Haven police detective Ken Brewer said he met his girlfriend at Bealls Outlet after leaving work at 5 p.m. Friday and clerks who saw his badge informed him a customer had been spotted concealing items in his shorts, The Lakeland (Fla.) Ledger reported Tuesday. Brewer said he approached Benjamin Gilbert Kennedy, 57, and saw a pair of pink women's underwear hanging out of his pocket with the tag still attached. The detective said Kennedy struggled with him and gave him several fake names. Police said Kennedy was found to have shoved a polo shirt and 25 pairs of panties into his shorts and a girdle he was wearing. Investigators said he was also carrying a pair of wire cutters to remove security tags from merchandise. Kennedy, who had been released the previous week after an arrest on charges including loitering, was booked into the Polk County Jail on charges of retail theft, resisting an officer with violence and battery on an officer. He will not have to worry about air conditioning bills for the summer.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brant Re: Camera and microscope Dear Webby I want to connect a camera to a microscope. What do I need to know and watch out for ? Thanks Brant Dear Brant First you have to realize that you got a HUGE amount of magnification between the tiny ocular (the lens closest to the eye) and the monitor. Don't go for an expensive microscope with a very high magnification number. Go for one with a wider field of view. The second thing to watch out for is lighting. Today's digital cameras go very far into the dark infrared, and you will probably wind up with too much light and need to dim the picture. Usualy, the more light you have, the better picture you get, but there is a limit to that. Chose a microscope that allows both through-light and reflected light or a combination of the two. Generally, the more room you have to adapt and improvise with the lighting, the better. And finally, you need an adapter tube between the microscope and the camera. Hold the camera by hand and find the ideal distance. Cut some black plastic pipe to that length with a pipe cutter. Do NOT use a hacksaw! Dull the pipe inside and out with very fine sandpaper, then clean it thoroughly with a damp or wet rag. Clean the lenses perfectly clean with damp lenscloth. Do a VERY good job on that, because it is the last time you will ever have to do that. Assemble the microscope, tube and camera and hold them together with a rubber band. Test it. If everyting works OK, use some hotmelt glue or silicone to permanently attach the tube to the microscope and the camera. That's all there is to it. You won't have to change the distance of the camera tube. All changes are made with the the adjustments on the microscope. Before you spend a lot of money, try a cheap plastic student's microscope from Edmund Scientific and a cheap security camera. Quite likely the results are a lot better than you expect. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The sheriff of a small town was also the town's veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Send both of them!" the caller replied. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Connie called up her electrician. "Didn't you promise to send someone over to my house yesterday to fix the doorbell?" she asks. "I did send one, I sent Judy, the new apprentice," the electrician said. "I'm sure of it." He calls to the back of the shop. "Didn't you go over to Washington Street yesterday afternoon to do that doorbell job?" "Yes, sir," was faintly heard. "I was there, and I must have rung the bell for more than 10 minutes. Nobody answered, though, so I figured they were all out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box with holes punched in the top. "What's in that box?" a neighbor asks. "A big cat," the woman says. "What for?" "I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. The cat is to catch them." "But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor says. The woman turns to her friend and whispers, "So is the cat. Do you think I was silly enough to lug a real cat around all day ?"

» Double Exposure

The CEO was scheduled to speak at an important convention so he asked one of his employees, Jenkins, to write him a punch, 20-minute speech. When the CEO returned from the big event, he was furious. "What's the idea of writing me an hour-long speech?", he demanded. "Half the audience walked out before I finished." Jenkins was baffled. "I wrote you a 20-minute speech," he replied. "I also gave you the two extra copies you asked for."





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No Harm No Foul...For Some 

Yonge-Dundas Smackdown
Punched in the face, but fat chance charges will be laid
What constitutes a physical assault in Toronto these days?

This would appear to be straightforward. If, for example, one individual punches another, surely that’s assault. Especially if the punch in question was witnessed. And photographed.

But as I learned firsthand on Sunday, a fist in the face doesn’t necessarily constitute assault in our increasingly culturally sensitive Toronto. Read More...




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Tricked 

One thing kids like is to be tricked.

For instance, I was going to take my kids to Disneyland, but instead I drove them to an old burned-out warehouse.

"Oh, no!" I said. "Disneyland burned down."

They cried and cried, but I think that deep down, they thought it was a pretty good joke.



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How do I make filters in Gmail? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   


Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 3

Thanks Sandi !
Thanks Donald!


Neil and Jim sent me links to a program, that neatly takes
care of FireFox bookmarks, weeds out dead and obsolete
links, gets rid of duplicates, makes the good links searchable, 
and lets you export them for use in a spreadsheet or database.
Just what I and many of you have been looking for!

Becasue the program originally was just for weeding out 
dead links, that name stuck: AM-DeadLink. 
It is free! You can download it from AM-Deadlink

I will also put a link to it into my Tool Box, in case you 
need it later for your home machine.

Speaking about browsers,....

Average IQ of users of certain browsers:
100,000 web surfers tested

Naturally, some IE users complain, that 100,000 is not a big 
enough sampling, to jump to any conclusion.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"The poor man is not he who is without a cent, but he who is without a dream." --- Harry Kemp "The best way to make your dreams come true is to wake up." --- Paul Valery
The following are actual submissions on a series of quizzes, tests, and essays. "Nitrogen is not found in Ireland because it is not found in a free state." "H2O is hot water, and CO2 is cold water." "To collect fumes of sulphur, hold a deacon over a flame in a test tube." "When you smell an oderless gas, it is probably carbon monoxide." "Water is composed of two gins, Oxygin and Hydrogin. Oxygin is pure gin. Hydrogin is gin and water." "Three kinds of blood vessels are arteries, vanes and caterpillars." "The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u." "Blood flows down one leg and up the other." "Respiration is composed of two acts, first inspiration, and then expectoration." "The moon is a planet just like the earth, only it is even deader." "Artifical insemination is when the farmer does it to the cow instead of the bull." "Dew is formed on leaves when the sun shines down on them and makes them perspire." "A super saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold." "Mushrooms always grow in damp places and so they look like umbrellas." "The pistol of a flower is its only protections agenst insects." "The skeleton is what is left after the insides have been taken out and the outsides have been taken off. The purpose of the skeleton is something to hitch meat to."
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Sarah, the church gossip and self-appointed arbiter of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members were unappreciative of her activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his pickup truck parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She commented to George and others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just walked away. He didn't explain, defend or deny -- he said nothing. Later that evening, George and his two apprentices quietly parked their pickups in front of Sarah's house and left them there all night
Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22 Meaty deal PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla., July 31 (UPI) -- A Port St. Lucie, Fla., man was arrested for allegedly robbing and shooting at a drug dealer he said gave him hamburger meat instead of pot, authorities say. Timethy Delarrance Morrison, 22, was charged Thursday with attempted murder, burglary, escape, possession of marijuana and providing a false name to a law enforcement officer, TCPalm.com reported. The alleged victim said he was to meet Morrison Wednesday at 8:30 p.m. behind a gas station to sell him $100 worth of marijuana. The dealer said Morrison walked up to his car and demanded the drugs. He said that he then gave Morrison a white paper bag and then sped away. Morrison told police he looked in the bag and found hamburger meat instead of drugs and then began firing at the dealer's car. When police arrived at an apartment building in Port St. Lucie Thursday afternoon to arrest Morrison, he fled on foot. However he was apprehended shortly afterward near the apartment building. Detectives said they found 4.7 grams of marijuana in his possession. Morrison is being held without bail in the St. Lucie County Jail. The dealer, who sent the cops after Morrison, was not arrested or charged.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: 4K Re: How to make filters in Gmail Dear Webby, Back last week you said:Â "I'll send you a Gmail invitation. Be as silly and ridiculous on it, as you want. Once you got it set up, subscribe with that address, and make a filter in Gmail, so that it never puts mail from humor@webby.com into the spam, no matter what naughty words I might mention." Where is this filter located? I keep getting emails from one close friend ending up in Spam. Now more frequently, but never in the beginning of exchanges. I may get several a day, of which some make it just fine into my mailbox, others go to Spam. Today, and the past 2 days, all have gone into Spam! grrrrrrr I cannot figure out how to 'filter' her address (only that bit of info) to automatically be diverted from Spam to my in box. This was attempted in the Spam folder where one was waiting. In other words, dimbo old gray cells do not understand the options presented in 'More' drop down offerings....groan. Would you, please, give me step-by-step instructions even a 5-year-old would understand? Hell, they probably know!!! Your usual wonderful help is most appreciated! 4K:) LiveLoveLaugh(2)RepeatDaily Dear 4K In Gmail hit the sprocket in the right upper corner then Mail Settings then in the dark baby blue bar near the top, the 4th item from the left is FILTERS. Scoot down to the bottom of the light baby blue area, and there you see "MAKE NEW FILTER". Hit that, and at the very top, partially hidden, will be the CREATE NEW FILTER form. Yes, I know, the user interface looks like it was designed by that obnoxious widdle girl from Incredimail, and takes some getting used to. I too would much prefer if they would let her mother do that kind of work. The filters are quite anemic, compared to the filters in MailWasher, but you CAN set them to use a FROM address as a trigger and never put mail FROM that address into spam. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Esther and Sally, two elderly widows in a Florida adult community, are curious about the latest arrival in their building -- a quiet, nice looking gentleman who keeps to himself. Esther says," Sally, you know I'm shy. Why don't you go over to him at the pool and find out a little about him. He looks so lonely." Sally agrees, and later that day at the pool, she walks up to him and says, "Excuse me, mister. I hope I'm not prying, but my friend and I were wondering why you looked so lonely." "Of course I'm lonely, he says, "I've spent the past 20 years in prison." "You're kidding! What for?" "For killing my third wife. I strangled her." "What happened to your second wife?" "I shot her." "And, if I may ask, your first wife?" "We had a fight and she fell off a building." "Oh my," says Sally. Then turning to her friend on the other side of the pool, she yells, "Yoo hoo, Esther, he's single."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Ranch Dressing to Mashed Potatoes Use up that last bit of ranch salad dressing in the bottle. When making mashed potatoes, just make them as usual, but add the last bit of ranch dressing. Pour a little bit of milk into the bottle and shake to loosen the dressing. Pour into mashed potatoes and mix well. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
During an arctic training exercise in Alaska an early fall cold snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open and a soldier rushed in and announced, "Hey, captain, the northern lights are out! Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, "Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have him fix the dang things!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

» Cuba 2011

From Bing: Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a slick 45-foot, downhill putt. As he lined it up, he announced, "I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt. Does anyone want to bet?" His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager. My grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends gathered around to collect their money. Granddad pulled out a dollar bill on which he had printed, "I can make this putt." His pals are still trying to collect on the bet; my grandfather is too.





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Got It! 


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Exporting FF bookmarks to spreadsheets 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 2

Looks like we finally got summer! 
Nice and hot but with a pleasant dry wind, that
makes it just perfect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind woman." --- Samuel Taylor Coleridge
Florida gets its first nude 5K run Organizers of the Streak Sunsport Gardens 5K Benefit Run & Walk in Florida said the event marks the first clothing-optional run in the state. Daniel Phillips, 25, an organizer of the Aug. 27 event and a member of college nudist group Vita Nuda, said runners at the Sunsport Gardens Family Naturist Resort in Loxahatchee will only be asked to wear athletic shoes, the Palm Beach (Fla.) Post reported Monday. "You can do interesting stuff while nude," Phillips said. You can do cool stuff. "In a clothed society, people tend to be different," Phillips said. Nudists ... no one judges anyone, no one has any expectations for anything. Phillips said he is hoping the run will be the first in a series of clothing-optional 5K runs he plans to organize next year. They are expecting about 400 - 500 runners and about 18,000 to 20,000 spectators.
Do you want to reverse your electrical meter and power bill? You CAN! Legally! Not a sneaky gimmick, not turning things off or down, just simple know-how. The Power 4 Home system shows and explains every step. If you are still paying for electricity, then this is for YOU!

Sue told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty-thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Sue. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of what was insured and what it was worth just before it burned down, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth." There was a long pause before Sue replied, " In that case, cancel the policy on my husband RIGHT NOW!"
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Glodualdo Moreno Lojan. Driving too slow on Freeway causes bust ANDERSON, S.C. -- A South Carolina trooper says he found a kilogram of cocaine in a suspect's prosthetic leg, after he pulled over a vehicle for driving slow in the fast lane. The Anderson Independent-Mail reports trooper Brad Davis testified at a preliminary hearing Friday that he felt an odd bulge when he patted down Glodualdo Moreno Lojan. Davis says a plastic bag was stuffed between Lojan's leg and his prosthesis. Lojan and two others in the car face cocaine trafficking charges. Davis says he pulled over the car with Texas plates in July for traveling 50 mph in the left lane on Interstate 85. Lojan's attorney, Kurt Tavernier, says the car should not have been stopped, since 50 mph is over the minimum highway speed. The three remain in jail without bond. That will teach the boneheads about driving slow in the left lane!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mandy Re: Firefox Bookmarks to Excel Dear Webby, Is there a way to get the FireFox bookmarks to Excel or OO Calc, so that they can be sorted, searched, deduplicated, etc? Thanks Mandy Dear Mandy No, there isn't a way. FireFox is a pretty good browser, but is totally incompetent when it comes to bookmarks and managing them. There are some add-ons, that TRY to ease the pain, but to make them useful, you need a separate program for FireFox bookmarks. You CAN export them to an HTML file, browse that and use the FIND. That sort of works, but is klutzy, and without an HTML editor not practical for sorting. Since I do like FireFox for everything else, I sincerely hope I am wrong and there IS some kind of program out there for sorting and managing FF bookmarks. Until I find one, I am just pasting bookmarks and comments into a speradsheet and do it my way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An angel appears at a faculty meeting and tells the dean that in return for his unselfish and exemplary behavior, the Lord will reward him with his choice of infinite wealth, wisdom, or beauty. Without hesitating, the dean selects infinite wisdom. "Done!" says the angel, and disappears in a cloud of smoke and a bolt of lightning. Now, all heads turn toward the dean, who sits surrounded by a faint halo of light. At length, one of his colleagues whispers, "Say something." The dean sighs and says, "I should have taken the money."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep After School Snacks in the Car Keep snacks in the car. Fill a sandwich bag with pretzels, crackers, cheerios, etc. Keep bottled water also. If you pick up your kids, as I do, they are hungry when they get in the car. This snack gets them to dinner and makes for a more pleasant ride home. By Wanda from Climax, NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A little boy was doing his math homework. He said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a bitch is nine...." His mother heard what he was saying and gasped, "What are you doing?" The little boy answered, "I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated, the mother asked the teacher the next day, "What are you teaching my son in math?" The teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning addition." The mother asked, "And are you teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped laughing, she answered, "What I taught them was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is four."

» Castles

One summer evening during a violent thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."





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