Who owns the Windows you paid for? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



There was a beautiful full moon during tonigh't walk. At the
start of it it was just over the horizon, and almost  a 
daylight moon, by the end it was well up in the already 
dark sky.over the prairies. The prairie sky was still clear,
using up billions of cubic feet of CO2 to grow and matur 
grain. The Gullible Warming wackos should be paying us 
for getting rid of their CO2!

However, any increase in the CO2 is very welcome by the 
farmers. For them, CO2 is wheat fuel, corn fuel, soy fuel,
tomato fuel. Whenever they hear about some volcano cranking
up the CO2, they are grinning! Well, if nobody watches too 
closely. When town folk watch them, they complain about 
not enough rain or too much rain or too high combine 
mortgage payments.

For prairie farmers, a good volcano can make the difference 
between breaking even or not. 

When visiting the prairies it is safest to drive a big Dodge 
RAM 3500 4x4 with a Cummins 6.7 Liter Turbo Diesel, 
definitely not some little import, that doesn't pay it's way 
in CO2, and that they might back over accidentally.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1535 Pope Paul II deposed & excommunicated King Henry VIII
1902 Split skirt 1st worn by Mrs Adolph Landeburg (horse rider) 
1907 England, Russia & France form the Triple Entente 
1919 Communist Labor Party of America formed in Chicago 
1954 Hurricane Carol (1st major named storm) hits New England, 70 die 
1955 1st microwave TV station operated (Lufkin, Tx)
1955 1st sun-powered automobile demonstrated, Chicago, Ill 
1977 Aleksandr Fedotov sets aircraft alt rec of 38.26 km (125,524') 
1978 Symbionese Liberation Army founders William & Emily Harris 
plead guilty to 1974 kidnapping of newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst 
1988 5-day power blackout of downtown Seattle begins 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Hemingway I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. --- Woody Allen
>From Diana I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Madam,, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address."
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Isaac-at-night-08-29-2012 The bright spots are lighning. The rest is just lit by the moon. It is a time exposure, probably a minute long.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Edward Valdez, 45, Sacramento. California Jailed After Fleeing Police On Go-Cart Edward Valdez, a 45-year-old parolee-at-large was jailed after he allegedly led police on a low-speed chase while driving a go-cart. According to police, an officer tried to stop Valdez after observing him on a go-cart driving "recklessly." Investigators say Valdez fled from the officer using the go-cart, reaching speeds of up to 25 mph. Valdez then jumped from the go-cart, ran across a backyard and into a home. Officers located Valdez inside the home and took him into custody without further incident. Valdez was booked into jail and charged with evading arrest and resisting police. According to some people, sitting in a parked Go-Cart is reckless, and not letting a deputy take it for a spin is even more reckless. Dumb move, when the guy is on parole!
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Chess.dll Dear Webby, While trying to defrag my C: drive, I came across some stuff, that I don't need or want. For example, "Wild Tangent." I remember years ago you wrote that "Wild Tangent" was spyware. So I dumped that. Then I found C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Chess I have never played chess and don't even know anybody, who does. When I tried deleting that folder, I was not allowed. Is that some virus hiding in there? Alex Dear Alex You paid for Windows 7, but you failed to read the small print. In there it says you just have the right to use W7 on an "As Is" basis, as long as you are a good boy/girl/otherwise and behave nicely in the eyes of Microsoft. It does not tell you, that you OWN what you bought. You just bought permission to use some parts of what you paid for. It is as if you hired a sexy maid and signed a two year contract without reading the small print, and later found out that she does not do ironing or bedroom chores. You agreed and signed. Tough. Like that Chess folder, there are various places, where you arenot allowed to delete stuff. Wild Tangent you can get rid off, no problem. That is just spyware. But whatever else, that has not been defragmented, is off limits to you. Don't worry about those. Since you don't use them, those fragments are of absulutely no consequence. Just get rid of stuff like that "Wild Tangent", and don't worry about the rest. You can NEVER get the C: drive completely defragmented, because PageFileSys fragments every time you touch the mouse, and the cache files are just as bad. Run the defragmenter now and then, and leave plenty of space on the C: drive, but don't get an ulcer about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda B from Melbourne, Australia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't turn out. "That's ok," she said as she took her camera back. "I always get double prints."
My friend David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Kati for this story: To preface this joke: They started "Dumb Blonde jokes" so brunettes & redheads could understand them. I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss yelled after her: "...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
» Blue Moon


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Air Defense 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 30

Thank you John!

I noticed last week that Ophelia had made her monthly trip 
to Costco for medication, and grazing the samples. 
Today it was my turn. I too find Costco a great deal.
Theoretically it is just for business people, but normally 
they don't check if  Consulting is a real 
company or not. If they do in your area, get a $50 company
check from a friend, who has a company, and use that to 
get your card, with YOUR name and picture on the back.

Once you have a  card, you can invite friends to come along,
and charge them $5 per trip, until your card has been paid
for. You will make your money back quite quickly with the
stuff you buy, but cash from friend's trips is easier to keep
track of.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
31 -BC- Origin of Era of Augustus 
1645 Dutch & Indians sign peace treaty]\
1885 13,000 meteors seen in 1 hour near Andromeda
1888 Lord Walsingham kills 1070 grouse in a single day
1941 Siege of Leningrad by Nazi troops began during WW II 
1945 Hong Kong liberated from Japan
1979 1st recorded occurrence-comet hits sun 
      (energy=1 mil hydrogen bombs) 
1979 Pres Carter attacked by a rabbit on a canoe trip in Plains Ga
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra
"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."
An editor at CNN was busy slaving away at spicing up the copy that came in from reporters, so that there was adequate blood and gore to attract viewers, and enough anti-Republican slant to satisfy the union, when a suit walked in and threw a folder on his desk with the remark: "Today, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "Oh no!" exclaimed the editor, "that's terrible!" People at nearby desks sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the editor sat, head in hands. Finally, the editor looked up and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Daniel Hooper, 42, Saint Louis, Missouri Kidnapping Wheelchair-Bound Woman From Hospital, Sexually Assaulting Her Daniel Hooper, a 42-year-old St. Louis man was jailed after he allegedly kidnapped a wheelchair-bound woman from a local hospital, then sexually assaulted her. According to St. Louis Metropolitan Police, the victim was sitting in her wheelchair at Barnes-Jewish Hospital when Hooper reportedly pushed her outside of the hospital without her permission and proceeded to grope her breasts and genitals. The victim was unable to defend herself due to her medical condition. Investigators say Hooper is not employed with Barnes-Jewish Hospital. According to court records, he has a lengthy criminal past, including past convictions of second-degree assault, burglary, theft, and discharge of a weapon, among other charges. Neither prosecutors nor hospital officials will say how he managed to get the woman past security. No one is saying how Hooper was caught. Hooper was booked into jail and charged with two felony counts of sexual abuse and one count of kidnapping.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bess Re: Facebook Friends Dear Webby, I agree 100 % about what you wrote about FaceBook. The number of FB "frieds" is totally meaningless, since none of them would lift a finger or give you a penny, if you got in trouble and needed help. Strangers always cheerfully accept friend requests, it's jealous relatives you got to watch out for. Somebody suggested making a list of who you sent friend requests to, to find out who is backstabbing you, but why bother? It makes no damn diference anyway. I have not been on FaceBook for two months, and what have I got to show for that? A very nice tan all over, front and back, and every spice jar in all of my spice racks washed and sparkling clean. Bess Dear Bess Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Photos When Traveling My daughter's hobby is photography. On a recent vacation out west, she used the following tip to keep track of her photos. As we entered a new state, she would do one of the following: Take a picture of the "Welcome to" state sign. Take a picture of the road map for that state. Or use sign language to indicate the initial of the state and take a picture of her hand. For example, she would make a signed "M" when we entered Montana and take a picture of that. Then she would know what state the next photos belonged in for her album. Source: My daughter's idea By skeesics56 from NW Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I can react, the exec grabbed the microphone and shouted, "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%& CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded.
One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There were two beggars sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One had a Christian cross in front of him, the other one the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the one sitting behind the cross. A priest came by, stopped, and watched many, many people give money to the beggar behind the cross, but not to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally he went over to the beggar behind the Star of David and said, "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross." The Star of David beggar listened to the priest and, turning to the Christian cross beggar, said: "Moishe, ... look who's trying to teach marketing to the Goldbaum brothers!"
» Hyacinth Macaw


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Blocked on FaceBook 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
5502 -BC- Origin of Alexandrian Era 
29 John the Baptist beheaded
284 Origin of Era of Diocletian (Martyrs)
1526 Hungary conquered by Turks in Battle of Mohacs
1708 Haverhill, Mass destroyed by French & Indians
1758 1st indian reservation established 
1844 1st white-indian lacrosse game in Montreal, Indians win 
1854 Self-governing windmill patented (Daniel Halladay) 
1885 Gottlieb Daimler receives German patent for a motorcycle 
1896 Chop suey invented in NYC by chef of visiting Chinese Ambassador 
1929 German airship Graf Zeppelin ends a round-the-world flight 
1939 Chaim Weizmann informs England that Palestine Jews will fight on 
  England's side in WW II, causing Hitler to become a fanatic Jew hater. 
1944 15,000 American troops liberating Paris march down Champs Elysees
1949 USSR explodes its 1st atomic bomb 
1953 USSR explodes its 1st hydrogen bomb
1970 Black Panthers confront cops in Phila (1 cop killed) 
1990 Saddam Hussein declares America can't beat Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a very important phone number written on it."
The bride-to-be was advised by the marriage counselor to never completely disrobe in front of her husband when retiring, for decorum's sake. One night, six weeks after the wedding, the husband said to his bride, "Is there any insanity in your family?" "Why, no," she said. "Why do you ask?" "I was merely wondering," said he, "why you haven't taken your hat off since we've been married?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Basso32, Dover, Floriduh Slow Learner - Charged With Calling 911, Requesting Female Deputy To Have Sex With, again Joshua Basso, a 32-year-old Florida man was jailed Friday after he allegedly called 911 seven times, asking to have sex with a female deputy. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, Basso called 911 seven times over a two-day period and requested a female deputy that he could have sex with. Deputies finally drove out to Basso's home where he allegedly admitted to placing the calls. He was placed into custody and charged with seven counts of making false 911 calls. Basso looks familiar, doesn't he? He got a Bonehead award for the same thing in 2009 That time he claimed,his phone was out of minutes, and only 911 was free. Basso has a long list of other offenses, that he has been arrested for. Those arrests included charges of grand theft auto, drug possession, trespassing, domestic violence, battery, burglary and several other repeat offenses. Seems to be homesick for jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: Facebook friendling block Dear Webby, I got blocked by Facebook andcan't send Friend requests for two weeks. Yes, I know, Zuckerberg is an AOLer at heart and allergic against accountability, and won't admit to who claimed I spammed them with friend requests. To add insult to injury, one has to listen to some Jewish Princess sniveling about sending friend requests to people I don't know. I don't send friend requests to just anybody, but if I sorta recognize somebody, and see they have 80, 90, or more friends in common with me, then I send them a Friend Request. And whensomebody sends me a Friend Request, or a recommendation to add them, then of course I add them. Is there anything I can do to getout of that block? Anita Dear Anita Everybody gets put into that silly block now and then. Don't worry about it. So what? That might gain you some time, that you can put to productive use. Probably your Mother-In-Law was jealous that you have five times as many Facebook "friends" as she does, sent you a recommendation to add her, recommended by herself, and when you did, you got slapped with the block and had to listen to the sniveler, before you were allowed in to just look around. Be careful about those recommendations! Quite often they lead to traps. Also be extremely careful when somebody nags you about adding them. Also try to read their comments. If they mention going to jail or on vacation, don't send a Friend Request. Ignored requests cause you to getblocked. Above all, though, don't take it personally. It's just a sandbox run by widdle goilies who encourage silly power trips and don't allow accountability. Until the time that they DO admit to who complained about you, you can't take it seriously. Just some silly goilie, who is jealous over how many "friends" you have, is powertripping. So what? Why not doing something productive instead? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch those leaves! Source: Gardeners around the globe By Kghornsten from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dorothy from http://akwildlife.com/ for The Miracle Toddler Diet People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."
» Fiber Arts


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Weekly Hotmail problems 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1776 Battle of Long Island 
1867 US occupies Midway Islands in the Pacific 
1916 Italy declares war against Germany during WW I 
1963 Evergreen Point Floating Bridge connecting Seattle & Bellevue
1964 Race riot in Philadelphia
1968 Police & anti-war demonstrators clash at Chicago's Dem Natl Conven
1986 US Navy officer Jerry A Whitworth sentenced to 365 years for spying 
1988 70 killed in crash of 3 Italian AF fighters at air show in Germany
1990 Iraq declares Kuwait its 19th province 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums. --- G. K. Chesterton
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. Still, he was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Honey, take the wheel... Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it. Later that evening, the wife walked into the livingroom where her husband was reading a novel. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Honey, go into the kitchen. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner, wash the dishes and do the ironing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Antonio Martinez, Spring Hill, Floriduh Floriduh male got ex- girlfriend jailed after beating her because she refused to have sex with him A 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after her ex-boyfriend claimed she attacked him when she refused to have sex with him. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the pair's residence after receiving a domestic violence complaint. Antonio Martinez and the victim are no longer a couple, but they continue to reside together in the same residence. Investigators say deputies spoke with the woman, who stated that she and her ex-boyfriend got into a verbal confrontation after she refused to be intimate with him. That's when he claimed, she allegedly attacked the poor innocent Antonio Martinez, repeatedly striking him in the back. She claimed that her ex-boyfriend hit her in the face and attempted to choke her, however, deputies were unable to find any injuries to substantiate her allegation, even though they took pictures of her busted lip. The woman was booked into the Hernando County Jail and charged with domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, I have a couple questions for you. You mentioned a while back how to change a line into a hyperlink by doing F2+enter? I've tried that and can't get it to work. I tried highlighting, etc. I guess I read you wrong somewhere. The other one is a problem with my homail getting highjacked every Monday afternoon. I have McAfee and have scanned with that and Windows Defender and can't find anything wrong with my pc. Yet, for the third Monday my hotmail account got hacked and I have to go through security questions and change my password to get back into the account. I can't think of anything I did that was unusual or could caused the account to get compromised while I was sitting at the pc this afternoon. Do you think there is a virus on my pc or could it be something else? What do you suggest I do? Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck You have to be in Excel for that. In Excel, type a proper URL, like for example http://webby.com/humor If it does not underline when you hit ENTER, go to a different cell and then back to it, hit F2 to open it for editing, and THEN hit Enter You have to be in Excel for that to work. Or in Eudora, of course. In Eudora that has worked for 20 years now. Re Hoe'mail malfunctions, there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. It seems, Microsoft does not want you to use it any more, and they are going to be a real nuisance until you smarten up and get some different email addresses. It is not just you. On Weekends the mail to thousands of HoeMail users bounces. You can use the email offered free by your ISP, and use the email program of your choice. Take your pick: Comparison_of_e-mail_clients Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from Oregon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh! Isn't that revolting?" "No," the diplomat replied, "that's our second favorite activity."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?" "Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?" "Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"
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How to copy without Windows blocking it? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
26 -BC- Origin of Egyptian Era
1665 "Ye Bare & Ye Cubb" is 1st play performed in N America 
   (Acomac, Va) 
1667 Earliest recorded hurricane in US (Jamestown Virginia)
1776 British defeat Americans in Battle of Long Island
1783 1st hydrogen balloon flight (unmanned); reaches 900 m altitude 
1789 French Natl Assembly issues "Decl of the Rights of Man & the Citizen"
1859 1st successful oil well drilled, near Titusville, Penn
1883 Krakatoa, west of Java, explodes with a force of 1,300 megatons 
  After that the sun was not visible for a year for most of the earth.
  Very poor growing season, but no lasting effect on the climate.
1939 Erich Warsitz makes 1st jet-propelled flight (in a Heinkel He-178) 
1945 US troops land in Japan after Japanese surrender 
1962 Mariner 2 launched; 1st probe to fly by Venus
1966 Race riot in Waukegan Illinois
1990 52 Americans arrive in Turkey from Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller There are two kinds of light-- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. --- James Thurber "You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." --- Ellen DeGeneres
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
Little was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until thought for a second and asked, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version See the flower cradled in the petrified arms? Click on the picture for the large version The arms turn into rock as hard as granite, but carry live nerve bundles and arteries in the center.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Charlie Rogers, 33, in Lincoln, Nebrska Lesbian Charged With Cutting Anti-Gay Slurs Into Her Own Flesh, Reporting It As a Hate Crime Charlie Rogers, a 33-year-old Nebraska woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and then filed police report stating that she had been a victim of a hate crime. Lincoln police and emergency responders were dispatched July 22 when 911 operators received a report of a house on fire. Officers arrived at the scene to find Charlie Rogers sitting across the street. Investigators say Rogers crawled from the burning home naked and bleeding, stating that she had been a victim of a gruesome hate crime. Rogers told police that three masked men broke into her home, carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and tried to burn down her house. She went on to say that one man pinned her down while another man carved a cross into her chest, cut up her legs and sliced derogatory words into her arms and abdomen. The men then turned her over and cut her buttocks and legs. As police began investigating the alleged hate crime, it quickly became apparent that Rogers' account of what happened didn't match up with evidence inside the home. Detectives found a pile of clothes, white gloves and a red box cutter on the living room floor of Rogers' home. Although Rogers claimed that the gloves did not belong to her, a forensics lab found her DNA inside them instead of an alleged perpetrator. Detectives also discovered that Rogers had purchased a box cutter, gloves and zip ties at a local Ace Hardware store a few days prior to the incident. She then sent photographs of her injuries to a friend a few days before the purported attack took place. DUH!!! Detectives examined Rogers' Facebook page which provided them a first possible motive in the case. Police say Rogers posted messages on her Facebook profile that announced a plan she had to "spark change" in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. "So maybe I am too idealistic, but I believe way deep inside me that we can make things better for everyone. I will be a catalyst. I will do what it takes. I will. Watch me," Rogers reportedly posted four days before the alleged attack. Federal and local law enforcement spent more than "change" investigating the case. Final cost of the investigation hasn't been completed because detectives are still investigating and processing evidence. Rogers was booked into jail and charged with making a false police report. She was released without bail pending her next court appearance. They are ready for the pimply-faced 33 year old to pull some other stupid stunt. And she will be fined for the cost of the investigation.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, My mom has a program to copy files from one drive to another, that does not fail, when it encounters a file with the same name. She claims you wrote it for her, when she was still working for the Government in the late 80's or early 90's. She copies that program from one machine to the next, and it simply works. However, she can't explain to me how it works. Just that it does. How can I use it too? Jackie Dear Jackie Most likely that is the XX.bat. It copies whatever is newer at the source than it is at the destination, and unlike Windows or DOS, it does not abort when it encounters a file with the same name or a write protect error. You copy the XX.bat into your Windows/System directory. After that you can use it anywhere. XX source-directory/*.jpg destination * is a wildcard. All files with a .jpg ending will be copied to the destination folder. XX C:\Users\Owner\Music\*.mp3 D:\music copies all the MP3 files from C:\Users\Owner\Music to D:\music If you don't want a certain file to be overwritten with a newer version, simply make it ReadOnly The XX.bat will skip it without stalling. To make the XX.bat, open any clean text editor. NOT a word processor! WordPad or NotePad work OK, justmake sure they don't mess up the file name and hang .txt at the end of it. Open your favorite text editor and save a new file as XX.bat to c:\Windows\system Into the file type: @echo off xcopy %1 %2 /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied %1 to %2 pause The "pause" command at the end will keep it open, tell you what it has done. and ask you to hit any key. Yep, that is where all the "Hit Any Key" jokes are from. Save it, and the program is ready to be used. To use it, go to the folder, where the source files are. HIT CTRL SHIFT right-click That gives you the option to open a command prompt right there. At the command prompt type xx source destination and hit Enter. Naturally, you fill in what the source and the destination are. Otherwise the computer won't know, and the XX will play really stupid. If you copy certain files to a Back-Up drive or camera chip every day or every week, you can make your life even easiser! Let's say the source files are in C:\Accounting\invoices\2012 and the ones, that are newer there than on the 8 GB back-up chip, that goes into the little coin pocket on your bra strap when you go home, then you would write another bat. Save this one as xxchip.bat @echo off echo Remember the chip! xcopy C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\*.xls I:\ /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied XLS files from C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\ to the Chip pause Make a shortcut to it and fit it with a snazzy desktop icon. Then whenever you hit that icon, it will back up your XLS files onto the 8GB camera chip in the card reader. You can of course make bats like that for any copying tasks that you frequently have to do, and hang cute icons on them for handy triggers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Power Strips to Eliminate Energy Waste If you seldom use your computer's peripherals, save money by plugging those devices into a separate plug-strip that you can switch 'on and off'. Even if you have your devices turned off, those little transformers are still drawing watts if plugged in. A separate plug strip (for those peripherals) turned 'off' will save you some money not a tremendous amount, but still savings. Just switch it on when you need to use one of the items. By cajun62234 from Collinsville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line: 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency? Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance. (static in the phone line interrupts call) 911 operator: A what? Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car. 911 operator: Okay, where are you? Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street. (static in the phone line becomes worse) 911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static makes it hard to understand you. Man: I'm at Sycamore Street! (static still continues) 911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell where you're at. Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i- c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll drag the dude over to Lee Street; you can pick him up there. ------------------ That reminds me of the quaint little town in Austria where I went to University. There was a Gasthaus on Gymnasium Alley that was packed full of students every night, trading cheat sheets and exam notes, and drinking lots of beer. Quite frequently freshmen keeled over shortly after exiting into the fresh air on Gymnasium Alley and had an imprompty nap attack. The cops usually picked them up on their hourly rounds, but according to the paper, every single one of them always was reported as having been found sleeping on Burg Street.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to under- stand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual and weird clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
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How to lock the titles or header Excel? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 26

Neil Armstrong died today.

43 years ago he was the first human to step onto the moon.
For many of us the moon never seemed the same after that.
It was no longer a mystical and wondrous thing, but just
hardware, like a street light. If somebody was interested,
they could study it.

The old farmer's rules still applied, though. If you did not
put sewage and manure out onto the fields when the moon
was "under-going", (the crescent like the lower part of a "U"),
then it stunk and you got yelled at. I wonder if NASA has 
figgered out why that is the case?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
55 -BC- Roman forces under Julius C‘sar invade Britain 
1346 English longbows defeat French in Battle of Crocy
1791 John Fitch grants US patent for his working steamboat 
1883 Krakatoa erupts with increasingly large explosions kills 36,000
1914 Germans defeat Russians in Battle of Tannenberg
1920 19th amendment passes-women's suffrage granted
1957 USSR announces successful test of ICBM
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear, Wise is when you know which half to believe. --- Socratex Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. --- George Carlin Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.' --- Jay Leno
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in he world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The head elder then stood and announced, "For our closching schong, let usch sching h-ick, ahem Hymn 365, "Schall We Gather at the Rrrriverrrrr!"
A man sued his wife for divorce. He told the judge, "Your honor, my wife is so immature, she barges in while I'm taking a bath and sinks all my boats!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Lillemor for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44 in Bellview, Illinois Jailed for Attacking Red Lobster Waitress because She Refilled Their Glasses Too Frequently Three Bellview, Illinois women have been charged after they allegedly attacked a Red Lobster waitress because she filled their water classes too frequently. Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44, were jailed Friday after they allegedly assaulted a waitress working at Fairview Heights Red Lobster on Friday. According to police, the women repeatedly struck the waitress with their hands and a menu after they became irritated with the frequency of their water refills. The women were booked into jail and charged with felony counts of mob action and aggravated battery in a public place. Each are being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: How to lock the titles or header Excel? Dear Webby, You showed us how to do it at least once before, but because I did not need it then, I was not paying attention. I need to lock the header row, like you do in Quattro. I think you mentioned that Excel can do it too, but I can't find any option or command for it. How is it done in Excel? Chris Dear Chris In the late 80's and early 90's, when Quattro and Excel were racing each other and at the same time trying to avoid getting sued by Lotus or each other, they sometimes used weird names for doing the same thing. Quattro was first with "locked titles", so Microsoft had to come up with a different term for doing the same thing. They called it "Freezing Panes". Yeah, kinda dumb, but with other items, where they were first, Quattro had to grasp for alternate terms. It was a royal pissing contest in the sandbox, but it sure spurred on development of better and faster spreadsheets. So, to "Freeze Panes" in Excel, you highlight the cell below the header row, or to the right of the side label row, click on Window, and select: Freeze Panes. That accomplishes the same as "Locking Titles" in Quattro. The titles or header row will remain visible, just like they were on a printed strip pasted to the upper monitor rim, while you scroll the rest of the spreadsheet up and down. For those of you, who are curious about Quattro: It is now owned by Corel Office. You can get older versions of Corel Office on eBay for $15 and up. Corel Office contains Word Perfect , Quattro, and a whole suite of office programs. In Quattro you highlight a cell below or to the right of the row or column, that you want to appear like printed and glued on titles, and click on VIEW, Locked Titles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Morris sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked him, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with Sarah, your wife?" Morris replied, "We had a fight, and Sarah told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender commented, "That should make you happy." To which Morris answered, "No, the month is up today!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize that sign!"
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How to sort rows in spreadsheets? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 25

Thank you, Frank!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1609 Galileo demonstrates his 1st telescope to Venetian lawmakers 
1689 Montreal taken by Iroquois
1718 Hundreds of French colonists arrive in Louisiana; New Orleans founded
1830 Belgium revolts against Netherlands
1875 Matthew Webb becomes 1st to swim English Channel (21h 45m) 
1912 1st time an aircraft recovers from a spin 
1919 1st scheduled passenger service by airplane (Paris-London) 
1921 US signs peace treaty with Germany
1940 1st parachute wedding 
1943 US forces overran New Georgia in Solomon Islands during WW II
1944 Paris liberated from Nazi occupation 
1945 Jewish immigrants are permitted to leave Mauritius for Palestine 
1981 Mark Chapman, John Lennon's murderer, is sentenced to 20 years
1983 US & USSR sign $10 billion grain pact (seed grain for USSR)
1990 UN security council authorizes military action against Iraq
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. --- Robert Jackson
One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife decided to have a leisurely bath. She undressed and then remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs. She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps. She realized at once that it was the milkman since the arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen. So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made it just in time. The footsteps grew louder and the door opened. It was the man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter. For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I was expecting the milkman."
Resume Blunders How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am a rabid typist." "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail." "Qualifications: No education or experience." "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version These bloomed today.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Pepe, 30 Atlanta Pimp Given Life Sentence for pimping of 14 Year-Old Runaway A 30-year-old Atlanta man was sentenced to life in prison Monday after being convicted of charges related to sexually abusing and pimping a teenage runaway, the Fulton County District Attorney’s Office announced and the AJC reported. A jury found David Pepe guilty of trafficking of persons for sexual servitude, pimping, aggravated child molestation, enticing a child for indecent purposes and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Pepe sexually abused a 14-year-old whom he persuaded into prostitution within three days of meeting her in April 2009, prosecutors said. The defendant had sex with the teen, took her to pick up customers, took half of the money they paid her and later said he deserved all the money, according to information presented in court. Her mother did not agree with that and text messages, that the teen sent to her mother were forwarded to law enforcement authorities, who returned the teen to her family. Pepe was caught during a traffic stop in Cobb County. The case was the first to be prosecuted by the District Attorney’s human trafficking unit.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: How do you sort in Excel? Dear Webby, You mentioned sorting in a spreadsheet. How do I sort a spreadsheet, so that everything is sorted, not just the first column. I mean, each row has to stay on that row, not staying the same, while the first column only gets sorted. Sounds confusing, but I am sure you know what I mean. Elaine Dear Elaine Yes, I know what you mean. The integrity of each row has to be preserved. You shuffle entire rows up and down, not just parts of them. That is actually the default. Highlight the bottom most and right most cell, that is in use. Hit CTRL SHIFT HOME to highlight everything between that cell and the A1 HOME cell. You can continue to hold down SHIFT and scoot the hughlight down a few rows, if you have column headers taking up more than one row. Once you have just the cells, that you want sorted, highlighted, click on DATA, SORT You get a little screen, where you can specify the three most important sort criteria. The way that works, if you have the column with LAST names as the first search criterium, when there are more than one SMITH, you use the FIRST name as the second sort criterium, and if there are more than on John Doe, then you use their birthdate or weight as the third sort criterium. With each of the criteria, you can select ascending or descending sort.. Click on Header Row, if you want it to ignore one row on top. Then hit OK. In a flash, your spreadsheet will be sorted exactly the way you specified. As long as you remember to exclude header rows on top and total rows at the bottom, the sorting is quick and painless. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out your nearest Bulk Barn. They have unsalted nuts and seeds for incredibly low prices. I once bought $5.00 worth of roasted pumpkin seeds to help me stop smoking. That was about two and a half years ago, and I stopped smoking long before I had eaten all the pumpkin seeds. I noticed the other day, I still have more than a handful of them in that jar. I think they were 29 cents per pound, and since roasted seeds are extremely light weight, not much heavier than popcorn, you get a huge bag for very little. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
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How to insert a row in a spreadsheet? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



It is becoming more and more obvious that General McCrystal
was right, and that peace in Afghanistan is not possible 
without first defeating the Taliban, and scaring the crap out
of them. Dogooderism simply does not impress them, and just
leads to good soldiers being murdered at social events.

Especially with a weak home front, there is no point in
continuing on the current path. Somebody should 'splain that
to the White House. Either get serious, or get out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
79 Mt Vesuvius erupts, buries Pompeii & Herculaneum
410 Rome overrun by Visigoths, symbolized fall of Western Roman Empire 
1572 King Charles IX orders massacre of thousands of French Protestants
1662 Act of Uniformity requires English to accept book of Common Prayer 
1814 British sack Washington, DC, White House burned 
1853 1st potato chips prepared by Chef George Crum 
   (Saratoga Springs, NY) 
1869 Waffle iron invented
1891 Thomas Edison patents motion picture camera 
1909 Workers start pouring concrete for Panama Canal 
1912 Territory of Alaska organized
1949 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) established
1981 Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 yrs to life for 
   John Lennon's murder 
1987 Announcement of possible Martian tornadoes 
1990 Iraqi troops surround US & other embassies in Kuwait City
1991 Gorbachev resigns as head of USSR Communist Party
1991 Ukraine declares independence from the USSR 
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau Better old fashions than no fashions! --- Socratex
Long ago there was once an old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelery to city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?" "Don't know collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "Don't know, has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in tepee." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. "Don't know deposit." "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"
When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied, "Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, hiding in paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others in their backs and pushing their luck!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sean Foxx, 27, Latreila Woods, 24 in SAN ANTONIO, Texas Marriage proposal after arrest for robbing a Dollar Store Police say a man identified as Sean Foxx, 27, proposed to his girlfriend, Latreila Woods, 24, after the pair had just been arrested in connection with an aggravated robbery at a Family Dollar Store. Investigators said Foxx was in a getaway car outside the Dollar store Monday morning waiting for Woods to finish shoplifting and come out. Store managers claim Woods was shoplifting and they attempted to stop her as she was trying to leave through a locked one way door. Foxx saw what happened and then went inside, police said. "He sees that she's in trouble so he goes into the store to try to help her escape, goes on in through one of the open doors next to the one that was locked, and tells her come on out that way. They exit the store. He threatens the managers telling them that he'll be back to get them because they were going to hurt his girlfriend," said Sgt. Daniel Alonzo, SAPD Robbery Task Force. Foxx and Woods were arrested a short time later and charged with aggravated robbery. Police said after the arrest Foxx popped the question and Woods accepted. Foxx also claimed the pair did not rob the store and employees, who stood in the way to block her escape, tried to injure his girlfriend. The boneheads failed to realize that any kind of interaction or altercation elevates shoplifting to robbery, and even though the merchandise at a dollar store is sold profitably for a dollar a piece, stealing stuff is still shoplifting, and trying to evade arrrest turns it into robbery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Insert a row in spreadsheets Dear Webby, I read your Humor letter every day, and vote when it works. Now my problem. My wife is in charge of membership a the Rock club that we belong too and she has to keep up the membership list up to date in alphabecial order. she's working with w spread sheet and I need to know if she can insert a name in order without having re-enter all the names below it, thank you, Frank N Dear Frank Yes, sure! Highlight the row below where you want a new one, by clicking the row counter number in the left margin, click on INSERT select ROW Most spreadsheets will replicate column colors automatically, and also column formatting. For example, if the second column is formatted for Short Date, it will also have that format in the newly created row. If you have formulas or counters, you generally have to copy them from the row above it. You can also add new rows at the bottom, and then sort. You can specify the columns to be used for sort criteria. On some days you may prefer an alphabetical sort, on others a birthday sort, and sometimes you need a sort by renewal due date. Any new member will automatically get sorted in exactly where they belong. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day. "What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man excitedly. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
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Paper or eBooks for course? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 23

At the store today I saw the exact plums, that I grew up with.
Dark blue, with a whitish looking dusting on the blue. Easy to
split, and to remove the pit. In those days, they were called
"Buehler", after the family, that had originally produced it by
trying many different crossbreeds, and finally wound up with
a true hybrid, that could be grafted onto any plum tree.

At the store here they were labelled "Italian Prune Plums".
Ha, little do they know!

My earliest memories of those plums were being a toddler, 
picking up plums to eat, and being told not to pick the soft ones,
because bees and wasps went after those. Well, the soft ones
were sweeter, and yes, I got stung in the mouth. I have stayed
away from soft plums of any kind ever since.

Later memories were from climbing high up into the plum tree.
It was about 40 feet high. My job was to climb up high and 
shake it like a spastic monkey, to shake all the ripe plums down
onto the bedshets spread under it. The grown-ups of course
egged me on to be as crazy as possible, and even threw plums 
at me. 

In the fall I pruned the inside of the tree, basically cut all 
new shoots that would have gotten in the way of me playing
spastic monkey and running up and around inside the crown 
of the tree. 

Even when I went to college and University I was still doing 
that. Somehow my little brothers never got into that.
I loved that tree!
A year after I left for Canada, they said that tree died.

When I saw those Buehler plums today, and that they were 
cheaper than apples, I put my apples back and got some plums
instead.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1572 In France, late this night, Catholic conspirators began 
  massacring thousands of Huguenots (French Protestants), 
  under orders of Catherine de Medici, advisor to her son, 
  Charles IX, King of France. 
1617 1st one-way streets established (London) 
1833 Britain abolishes slavery in colonies
1869 1st carload of freight arrives in SF, from Boston
1872 1st Japanese coml ship visits SF, carrying tea
 1889 1st ship-to-shore wireless message received in US (SF) 
1904 Automobile tire chain patented 
1914 Japan declares war on Germany in World War I 
1917 Race riot in Houston Texas (2 blacks & 11 whites killed) 
1939 USSR & Germany sign a non-agression pact 
1966 Lunar Orbiter 1 takes 1st photograph of Earth from Moon
1977 1st man-powered flight of a mile (Bryan Allen in Gossamer Condor) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact. --- Edmund Burke Nothing endures but change. --- Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)
I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker," she explained, exasperated. "Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a con- venience store a couple blocks down) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me to inspect. I took the key and manually unlocked the door. "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacey Kerres,47, in Melbourne, Florida Babsitter Found Topless, Passed Out In Hotel Parking Lot Stacey Kerres, a 47-year-old Florida woman was jailed Thursday after she was found laying topless in a hotel parking lot - while the child she was hired to babysit was left alone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the River Palm hotel after hotel staff found a five-year-old boy who had been left unattended. Officers arrived to find the boy playing video games with the hotel staff. The boy told officers that he had been left with a babysitter while his mother was at a local casino for the night. During a search of the hotel grounds, officers found Kerres laying topless in the parking lot of the hotel - not far from the room where the mother and her son were staying. Kerres, who appeared lethargic and incoherent, struggled to talk and was unable to tell officers where she had left the boy. She was booked into the Brevard County Jail and charged with child neglect.
Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Paper or e-books Dear Webby, I am planning to take a course and have a choice to get the material on paper books or on e-books. The e-book version is a lot cheaper, of course. Which version would you recommend? Vi Dear Vi I would recommen the e-book version without the slightest hesitation. With e-books you CAN print them, if you need paper. You can even print just those pages that you want, like indexes or summaries. You can also take screen captures of paragraphs or illustrations and paste those into word processor documents, no need to laboriously typing the stuff or manually recreating graphs. With e-books you aren't just saving trees and money, you are getting a lot more value. DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dear Webby, can you bring back that list of silly laws that you once printed? Thanks, Flo Sure, Flo. Here they are: In Klamath Falls, Oregon, it is illegal to kick the heads off snakes. Anyone stealing citrus fruit in Yuma, Arizona can legally be given castor oil as punishment. The California penal code prohibits the shooting of any animal, except a whale, from an automobile. It is illegal to wear a mask in Denver, Colorado. In Kentucky there is a law against sleeping in a restaurant. In Idaho you cannot fish for trout from the back of a giraffe. An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking more than one bath each week. If a Michigan woman leaves her husband, then he is entitled to take possession of all her clothing. In Idaho you cannot buy a chicken after dark without permission from the sheriff. Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine. It is a crime in several states to dance to the "The Star Spangled Banner." It was once illegal in Boston Massachusetts to own a dog more than ten inches high. Public checker-playing is against the law in La Crosse, Wisconsin. In St. Louis Missouri it is against the law to let rubbish collect on your roof. Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Topless is OK, just not in a swim suit) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A friend overheard her aunt and uncle one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Well, they're not in there. Look under the bed."
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Should old drivers be removed? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednsday, August 22

Kathleen sent me a long letter about Caring bridge
Caring Bridge is not just for taking your dogs for a walk 
and doing your shopping, if you have an accident and can't 
do it yourself for a while. It also works as a central information
resource, where out of state friends and relatives can look 
up how you are doing, if you are in hospital and can't update
them yourself. Definitely worth checking out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
565 St Columba reported seeing monster in Loch Ness
1454 Jews are expelled from Brunn Moravia by order of King Ladislaus 
1485 Richard III slain at Bosworth Field-last of Plantagenets
1775 King George III proclaims colonies to be in open rebellion 
1787 John Fitch's steamboat completes its tests, years before Fulton 
1791 Haitian Revolution begins
1846 US annexes New Mexico
1851 Gold fields discovered in Australia 
1906 1st Victor Victrola manufactured
1910 Japan annexes Korea 
1988 Australia unveils 1st platinum coin (Koala) 
1989 1st complete ring around Neptune discovered
1990 Pres Bush calls up military reserves
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away! --- Socratex
>From Roland A New York retail clerk was suffering from aching feet. "It's all those years of standing," his doctor declared. "You need a vacation. Go to Miami, soak your feet in the ocean and you'll feel better." When the man got to Florida, he went into a hardware store, bought two large buckets and headed for the beach. "How much for two buckets of that seawater?" he asked the lifeguard. "A dollar a bucket," the fellow replied with a straight face. The clerk paid him, filled his buckets, went to his hotel room and soaked his feet. They felt so much better he decided to repeat the treatment that afternoon. Again he handed the lifeguard two dollars. The young man took the money and said, "Help yourself." The clerk started for the water, then stopped in amazement. The tide was out. "Wow," he said, turning to the lifeguard. "Some business you got here!"
A man limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?" "I'm 98," the man announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You are almost one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Barb for this picture Click on the picture for the large version The local Calgary penguins assemble for the weekend's Gullible Warming Convention
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sandra Russell, 26, and Steve McDaniel, 29, Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez During a raid on the Long Island home of an alleged pimp, cops recovered a handwritten list of ten management rules to follow when turning women out on the street, investigators report. In announcing today’s arrest of eight defendants for their alleged roles in a prostitution and heroin ring, Suffolk County prosecutors released a copy of “Rule's 2 Da game of Hoez!!!” The list, which investigators allege was prepared by Steve McDaniel, was recovered from the Coram home he shares with Sandra Russell. McDaniel, 29, and Russell, 26, were allegedly the ringleaders of the narcotics operation. Additionally, Russell has been accused of running the prostitution ring from her residence, where she paid hookers in heroin, according to Suffolk County District Attorney Thomas Spota. The “Hoez” rules was a “document from Steven McDaniel outlining for Russell his management advice on the operation of a prostituton business,” added Spota. Pictured in the above mug shots, McDaniel (3 counts) and Russell (15 counts) were named today in a felony indictment filed in Supreme Court
Tech Support Pits: From: Sophie Re: Remove old drivers ? Dear Webby, I bought the mouse that you recommended and I'm VERY happy with it. However, I have a question. I didn't UN-install the driver for the old mouse. Is that going to cause grief some day? Thanks Sophie Dear Sophie Unused drivers are like last weeks horoscope: Not looked at any more. Windows only looks at the driver for the currently active mouse. Old mouse drivers are totally ignored. However, since they do take up space, I recommend to un-install no longer used drivers. DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A woman in Arkansas brought her baby in to see the doctor, and he determined right away the baby had an ear ache. He wrote a prescription for ear drops. In the directions he wrote, "Put two drops in right ear every four hours" and he abbreviated "right" as an R with a circle around it. Several days passed, and the woman returned with her baby, complaining that the baby still had an earache, and his little behind was getting really greasy with all those drops of oil. The doctor looked at the bottle of ear drops and sure enough, the pharmacist had typed the following instructions on the label: "Put two drops in R ear every four hours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher was teaching his kids about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then in the back eagerly raised a hand. "Yes, , what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the teacher. replied, "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that, ?" the teacher asked. "Well," answered , "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the teacher. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, 'Put that red nine on top of that black ten'!"
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How do Idelete addresses from Gmail? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 21

Don't be in a rush to install Microsoft updates or McAfee
updates. They clash and cause major problems.
For now the fix is to start in Safe Mode and revert to before
the Microsoft Updates.

McAfee got really busy and seems to have fixed their 
problem by about 4:30 am this morning. They sure wasted 
a lot of my time! Don't combine updates for a while!

Nobody knows when the new and improved bugs in Windows 
are ready for prime time. Just hold off with updating 
Windows until at least next Tuesday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1680 Pueblo Indians took possession of Santa Fee from Spanish 
1841 John Hampson patents venetian blind
1883 Providence shuts out Phillies 28-0 
1959 Hawaii becomes 50th US state
1963 Martial law declared in S Vietnam
1972 1st hot air balloon flight over the Alps 
1988 Cease fire between Iran & Iraq takes effect after 8 years of war
1991 Communist coup is crushed in USSR in 2 days 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The Constitution is not an instrument for the government to restrain the people, it is an instrument for the people to restrain the government - lest it come to dominate our lives and interests". -– Patrick Henry All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell It's all right letting yourself go as long as you can let yourself back. --- Mick Jagger "Television is a medium because anything well done is rare." --- Fred Allen Washington is a city of Southern efficiency and Northern charm. --- John F. Kennedy
I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy, the ears could be easily corrected later during childhood. The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your elephant ears!"
A man pacing back and forth glanced at his watch and yelled upstairs to his wife, "Honey, are you ready yet?" Shouting back, the woman replied, "For crying out loud, Ed, I've been telling you for the last hour... I'll be ready in a minute!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Cesar Osuna. Child Abuser Who Fled To Mexico Found Impaled On Fence Cesar Osuna, a former Delano, California man accused of beating his girlfriend's 2-year-old son to death, suffered a gruesome death after he was found impaled on a fence. New information has been released after the conviction of a mother, 23-year-old Noemi Mendoza, who reportedly left her 2-year-old son in the custody of a man she knew to be dangerous. According to police, Cesar Osuna fled from the scene after he allegedly used a blunt object to beat his girlfriend's 2-year-old son to death. An autopsy revealed that the boy died from blunt force trauma, multiple rib fractures, torn abdominal membranes and a skull fracture. Police say Osuna abused the child in the past, and that the mother was aware of the abuse and left the child in his care anyway. Mendoza was convicted of willful cruelty to a child, while Osuna fled the country to Mexico to avoid prosecution. Investigators say Osuna was on a job, when he touched a live wire, fell and was impaled on a metal fence, where he eventually died. Delano police traveled to Mexico and met with federal police who showed them the body. Photographs of various tattoos and other physical attributes belonging to Osuna were matched to the body found in Mexico. The mother, who is now serving her sentence, has two children and is pregnant with twins. Her children will be cared for by relatives while she completes her sentence.
Tech Support Pits: From: Denise Re: How do I delete addresses from Gmail? Dear Webby Thank you for your great newsletters. I would like to delete some old email addresses from my gmail account. Can you tell me where to find this. . . Denise I thought Denise meant the Auto-Complete and described how to weed that out. Well, Denise was not happy with that, and found the right solution: Regarding cleaning up the address book in google: At the top left corner where it says Gmail, click the marker and it will open up the address book. Thanks for your help and patience. Denise Dear Denise I had not known about that feature, always just used the Auto-Complete. Your trickis definitely worth knowing and passing on! Thanks DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Gravel From Your Lawn Edge Getting the stones and gravel out of the edge of your lawn which were dumped by highway trucks for ice and snow is a tedious job. I found that using a shop vac is much easier and faster and does a very nice job. By Frances from Bath, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A well respected surgeon was relaxing on his sofa one evening just after arriving home from work. As he was tuning into the evening news, the phone rang. The doctor calmly answered it and heard the familiar voice of a colleague on the other end of the line. "We need a fourth for poker," said the friend. "I'll be right over," whispered the doctor. As he was putting on his coat, his wife asked, "Is it serious?" "Oh yes, quite serious," said the doctor gravely. "In fact, three doctors are there already!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
» Hype-Realistic Paintings or Photos


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What to do when CTRL C and CTRL V don't work 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 20

Have you noticed that the left-wing media is whining about
Putin and his election victory, like they did about Bush, 
when he won. It really irks them, when a conservative, 
pro-Free Enterprise politician wins. Putin's election was not
a close one at all, but the left-wing media believe that the 
losers have a right to violent protests, and that assaulting
police or pro-government people is "free speech".

Well, Putin knows how to deal with that. He used to be a 
colonel in the KGB. And he has a decisive majority of voters
on his side, even if The Los Angeles Times  and certain
Union spokesmen don't agree.

I view the happenings in Russia as a preview of what we will
see here this winter. If the population shift towards the right
continues and the left-wing media does not get what they 
want, they will be inciting protests and violence. 
Violence on behalf of the Left is "free speech", and besides
that, blood and gore sells a lot more ads anyway.

I have a hunch the CIA has a herd of people in Moscow,
taking notes. 

Today in 
1852 Steamer "Atlantic" collided with fishing boat, 
        sinks with 250 aboard 
1866 Pres Andrew Johnson formally declares Civil War over
1896 Dial telephone patented
1913 1st pilot to parachute from an aircraft (Adolphe P‚goud-France) 
1914 German forces occupy Brussels, Belgium during WW I
1918 Britain opens offensive on Western front during WW I 
1929 1st airship flight around the Earth flying eastward completed 
1953 Russia publicly acknowledges hydrogen bomb test detonation 
1960 USSR recovers 2 dogs; 1st living mammals to return from space 
1968 650,000 Warsaw Pact troops invade Czechoslovakia 
1980 Reinhold Messner is 1st to solo climb Mt Everest 
1985 Israel ships 96 TOWs to Iran on behalf of the US 
1990 Iraq moves Western hostages to military installations 
   (human shields) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped. --- Sam Levenson
Family leaving Church after services: Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I've ever heard." Mother; "The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key." Little Tommy; "I don't know, all in all it wasn't bad show. Three of us for a dollar."
Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Michelle Almonte-De Jesus, 27,Grand Island, NE Woman Charged With Incest After Husband Catches Her Having Sex With Son Michelle Almonte-De Jesus, a 27-year-old Nebraska woman has been charged with repeatedly having sex with her teenage step son. According to police, an investigation was launched when the father of a 16-year-old boy saw his wife having sex with the boy. Investigators say Almonte-De Jesus began having sex with the victim when he was 15-years-old and continued until he was 16-years-old. The alleged sexual encounters reportedly took place between Jan 1 and August 10 of this year. The victim reported three incidents of sexual assault, eight incidents of incest, two incidents of creating obscene material and exposure to child pornography. Both the victim and Almonte-De Jesus reportedly admitted to the sexual encounters. Almonte-De Jesus was booked into the Hall County Jail on felony charges of first-degree sexual assault and incest. Her bond has been set at $50,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re: Lost CTRL C and CTRL V Dear Webby, I don't know what happened, but I seem to have lost my CTRL+C and CTRL+V capabilities! Any thoughts on how to get them back? Sorry if it's a stupid question! Jerry Dear Jerry Your usable amount of RAM is in use or bunged up. Hightlight a comma or period, copy that, and paste that. That will normally clear the clipboard of any big stuff. After that run CrapCleaner from http://webby.com/tools to clean up the temporary files. Rebooting also helps. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm the foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time. A lot of people are counting on that!" The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
» not just ANY flat fish


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Problem using Logitech wireless keyboard 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 19

If you are planning to buy a laser printer, stay away from
Samsung and HP. They are probably the same printers 
anyway, with just different stickers on them. Apparently
they have gone a bit too far to combat third party toner
cartridges, so far, that they block their own new cartridges.

In Europe they have laws protecting consumers from that
kind of greed. They even mandate, that all cell phones MUST
accept standard batteries. No more slightly different 
batteries for different models or brands. And the same with
printer consumables.

In North America we don't have that kind of consumer
protection, so we have to expect sleazy tricks from certain
companies. If you make enough noise and get enough thrid 
party support, Samsung will reluctantly replace the printer
with one, that can cope with the new Samsung cartridges.
In the meantime, you might be printing on the printer,that
you borrowed from mom, or buy a DELL.

I have learned to stay away from Samsung and HP printers,
but since I use toner from Atlantic Inkjet .com I would
not have the problem with Samsung's own new cartridges
anyway.

Today in 
1099 Crusaders beat Saracens in Battle of Ascalon 
1263 King James I of Argon censors Hebrew writings 
1812 US warship Constitution defeats British warship Guerriere
1826 Canada Co chartered to colonize Upper Canada (Ontario) 
1909 1st race at the Indianapolis 500 Speedway 
1934 Plebiscite in Germany approved sole executive 
   power to Adolph Hitler 
1942 1,000 Canadian soldiers killed raiding Dieppe, France 
1942 1st American offensive in Pacific in WW2, Guadalcanal
1955 Hurricane Diane kills 200 & 1st billion $ damage 
   storm (N.E. US) 
1960 Sputnik 5 carries 2 dogs, 3 mice into orbit (later 
   recovered alive) 
1979 Crew of Soyuz 32 returns to Earth aboard 
   Soyuz 34 after 175 day flight
1981 2 US Navy F-14 jet fighters shot down 2 Soviet-built 
   Libyan SU-22 just for fun and practise
1988 Iran-Iraq begin a cease-fire in their 8-year-old war
1991 Coup in Russia deposes Mikhail Gorbachev 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

An eccentric philosophy professor gave a one question final exam after a semester dealing with a broad array of topics. The class was already seated and ready to go when the professor picked up his chair, plopped it on his desk and wrote on the board: "Using everything we have learned this semester, prove that this chair does not exist." Fingers flew, erasers erased, notebooks were filled in furious fashion. Some students wrote over 30 pages in one hour attempting to refute the existence of the chair. One member of the class however, was up and finished in less than a minute. Weeks later when the grades were posted, the rest of the group wondered how he could have gotten an A when he had barely written anything at all. His answer consisted of two words: "What chair?"
An old couple was just settling in to bed one night when the phone rang. The husband got out of bed and went into the living room to answer the phone. His wife could hear him say, "Hello?" Then he said, "Sure is." Then he hung up the receiver and went back to bed. A minute later the phone rang again. The husband got out of bed and went into the other room and his wife could hear him say, "Hello?" and then he said, "Sure is." And again he hung up the receiver and went back to bed. The wife asked who it was. The man said he didn't know. The wife then asked, "Well, what did the person say?" He said, "It's odd, a woman just keeps saying, 'Long distance from Chicago..'"
It was the beginning of term at a primary school in Brooklyn. The teacher asked the children their names one at a time, and for each to spell their name out loud. When she came to a young boy and asked his name, the boy replied, "Ravashanka Vankatarataam Bannerjee" "How do you spell that? asked the teacher. "My mother helps me" said the little boy.
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version That is in the lean-to against the house.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rev Angel Armando Perez, 46, in Woodburn, Oregon Reverend Charged With Molesting Boy, Chasing Him Down Street Wearing Only Underwear Angel Armando Perez, a 46-year-old Woodburn area priest, was jailed Sunday after he allegedly molested a 12-year-old boy, then chased him down the street wearing only his underwear. According to the Marion County Sheriff's Office, Perez was hosting a sleepover at his residence Monday when he allegedly stripped to his underwear and touched a 12-year-old boy's genitals. The victim immediately ran out of the house while Perez gave chase, still wearing nothing but his underwear. The boy found another adult a short distance away and explained that he was being chased and needed help. The witness, along with his sister, watched as Perez rounded the corner and stopped in his tracks when he encountered the two adults. "He was staring at us," stated the witness. "Then he stood there with his hands on his hips like, 'You're really not going to give him to me?'" Perez reportedly fled the scene when the two adults told him they were calling police. Investigators say the boy stated that Perez gave him a beer, which he drank about half of before falling asleep. He was awoke later that night to find Perez holding a camera in one hand and his penis in the other hand. That's when the boy fled the residence and ran down the street. Perez told police that he had drank too much at a prior community event. He admitted that he had sat down to watch a movie with the victim, but didn't remember what happened after that. Perez was booked into jail and charged with sexual abuse, abuse of a child in the display of sexually explicit conduct, furnishing alcohol to a minor and DUI.
Tech Support Pits: From: Gene Re: Problem using Logitech wireless keyboard Dear Webby, Webby, I have a problem that I thought that you could help me with. I have a Dell desktop with OEM XP installed. When I use the wireless keyboard that I just bought, it works perfectly along with the matching mouse except that when I try to start the machine, before I get to windows, I get a message that the keyboard is not functioning and to press F12 to enter setup (duh) . If I reconnect the wired keyboard it starts up normally and I can remove the wired keyboard then the wireless board works ok. I'm sure that it is in the BIOS but not sure what to do about it. I contacted the Taliban at Logitec and after a bunch of repetitive explaining, they said that they would get back to me, which of course they never did. Thank you, Gene Dear Gene That sounds like the usual pissing contest between Microsoft and Logitech. Try running the setup CD again, that came with the keyboard. Somewhere in the setup there should be an option to make that keyboard the default. If there is no Setup CD, try downloading a driver for XP. Keep in mind, that machine was shipped long before Logitech started building that series wireless keyboards. DELL machines usually work fine with Logitech mice and keyboards, and even with two keyboards attached. If you have a USB multiplier, plug the old wired keyboard into that and stash it behind the monitor. It will tell the computer, that there IS a keyboard attached. That will give it time to start up and see the wireless receiver, after Windows is running. I know it is silly, but with that particular keyboard you might have to do that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dust Cakes With Powdered Sugar Instead of Frosting When my mother used to have friends over in the evening she wanted to serve a snack (cake and coffee) but most of them were elderly and would turn down the cake because of the frosting. The problem was solved by using a round single layer cake. Buy 8-inch doilies, place a doily on top of the cake, and sprinkled it lightly with confectioner's sugar. Remove the doily and you have a lacy design on the cake without all of the icing. By Clynnaltemus from Inglis, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart OC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

An elderly couple, sitting together watching television. During one of those commercials, the husband asked his wife, "Whatever happened to our sexual relations?" After a long thoughtful silence, the wife replied during the next commercial, "You know, I don't know. I don't even think we got a Birthday card from them this year!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try to gain access to my house via the cat flap," Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen, Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is because they're too small for people, and perhaps I should have realized that." Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener from Bremen, was relating how he had become trapped in his own front door for two days, after losing his house keys. "I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory. I began shouting for help, but my head was in the hallway so my screams were muffled. After a few hours, a group of students approached me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in street art. Please give generously' and left me there." "People were passing by and, when I asked for help, they just said 'very good! Very clever!' and threw coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me. In fact, I only got free after two days because a dog started licking my private parts and an old woman complained to the police. They came and cut me out, but arrested me as soon as I was freed. Luckily they've now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM3,000 in my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."
» not just ANY flat fish


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O Bummer lies lies lies 

Terry anderson, a black los angeles talk radio host, went down a list of things Senator Obama has said that aren't exactly correct.

1.) Selma March Got Me Born -
NOT EXACTLY, your parents felt safe enough to have you in 1961 - Selma had no effect on your birth, as Selma was in 1965. (Google 'Obama Selma ' for his full March 4, 2007 speech and articles a bout its various untruths.) ! !

2.) Father Was A Goat Herder -
NOT EXACTLY, he was a privileged, well educated youth, who went on to work with the Kenyan Government.

3.) Father Was A Proud Freedom Fighter -
NOT EXACTLY, he was part of one of the most corrupt and violent governments Kenya has ever had.

4.) My Family Has Strong Ties To African Freedom -
NOT EXACTLY, your cousin Raila Odinga has created mass violence in attempting to overturn a legitimate election in 2007, in Kenya . It is the first widespread violence in decades. The current government is pro-American but Odinga wants to overthrow it and establish Muslim Sharia law. Your half-brother, Abongo Oba ma, is Odinga's follower. You interrupted your New Hampshire campaigning to speak to Odinga on the phone. Check out the following link for verification Of that....and for more.

Obama's cousin Odinga in Kenya ran for president and tried to get Sharia Muslim law in place there. When Odinga lost the elections, his followers have burned Christians' homes and then burned men, women and children alive in a Christian church where they took shelter... Obama SUPPORTED his cousin before the election process here started. Google Obama and Odinga and see what you get. No one wants to know the truth.

5.) My Grandmother Has Always Been A Christian -
NOT EXACTLY, she does her daily Salat prayers at 5am according to her own interviews. Not to mention, Christianity wouldn't allow her to have been one of 14 wives to1 man.

6.) My Name is African Swahili -
NOT EXACTLY, your name is Arabic and 'Baraka' (from which Barack came) means 'blessed' in that language. Hussein is also Arabic and so is Obama.

Barack Hussein Obama is not half black. He is the first Arab-American President, not the first black President. Barack Hussein Obama is 50% Caucasian from his mother's side and 43.75% Arabic and 6.25% African Negro from his father's side.
While Barack Hussein Obama's father was from Kenya , his father's family was mainly Arabs.. Barack Hussein Obama's father was only 12.5% African Negro and 87.5% Arab (his father's birth certificate even states he's Arab, not African Negro).

7.) I Never Practiced Islam -
NOT EXACTLY, you practiced it daily at school, where you were registered as a Muslim and kept that faith for 31 years, until your wife made you change, so you could run for office.

8.) My School In Indonesia Was Christian -
NOT EXACTLY, you were registered as Muslim there and got in trouble in Koranic Studies for making faces (check your own book).


February 28, 2008. Kristoff from the New York Times: Mr. Obama
Recalled the opening lines of the Arabic call to prayer, reciting them with a first-rate accent. In a remark that seemed delightfully uncalculated (it'll give Alabama voters heart attacks), Mr. Obama described the call to prayer as 'one of the prettiest sounds on Earth at sunset.' This is just one example of what Pamela is talking about when she says 'Obama's narrative is being altered, enhanced and manipulated to whitewash troubling facts.'

9.) I Was Fluent In Indonesian -
NOT EXACTLY, not one teacher says you could speak the language.

10.) Because I Lived In Indonesia , I Have More Foreign Experience -
NOT EXACTLY, you were there from the ages of 6 to 10, and couldn't even speak the language. What did you learn except how to study the Koran and watch cartoons?

11.) I Am Stronger On Foreign Affairs -
NOT EXACTLY, except for Africa (surprise) and the Middle East (bigger surprise); you have never been anywhere else on the planet and thus have NO experience with our closest allies.

12.) I Blame My Early Drug Use On Ethnic Confusion -
NOT EXACTLY, you were quite content in high school to be Barry Obama, no mention of Kenya and no mention of struggle to identify - your classmates said you were just fine

13.)An Ebony Article Moved Me To Run For Office -
NOT EXACTLY, Ebony has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist.

14.) A Life Magazine Article Changed My Outlook On Life -
NOT EXACTLY, Life has yet to find the article you mention in your book. It doesn't, and never did, exist.

15.) I Won't Run On A National Ticket In '08 -
NOT EXACTLY, despite saying, live on TV, which you would not have enough experience by then, and you are all about having experience first.

16.) Voting 'Present' is Common In Illinois Senate -
NOT EXACTLY, they are common for YOU, but not many others have 130 NO VOTES.

17.) Oops, I Miss-voted -
NOT EXACTLY, only when caught by church groups and Democrats, did you beg to change your misvote.

18.) I Was A Professor Of Law -
NOT EXACTLY; you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

19.) I Was A Constitutional Lawyer -
NOT EXACTLY, you were a senior lecturer ON LEAVE.

20.) Without Me, There Would Be No Ethics Bill -
NOT EXACTLY, you didn't write it, introduce it, change it or create it.

21.) The Ethics Bill Was Hard To Pass -
NOT EXACTLY, it took just 14 days from start to finish.

22.) I Wrote A Tough Nuclear Bill -
NOT EXACTLY, your bill was rejected by your own party for its pandering and lack of all regulation - mainly because of your Nuclear donor, Exelon, from which David Axelrod came.

23.) I Have Released My State Records -
NOT EXACTLY, state bills you sponsored or voted for have yet to be released, exposing all the special interests pork hidden within.

24.) I Took On The Asbestos Altgeld Gardens Mess -
NOT EXACTLY, you were part of a large group of people who remedied Altgeld Gardens . You failed to mention anyone else but yourself, in your books.

25.) My Economics Bill Will Help America -
NOT EXACTLY, your 111 economic policies were just combined into a proposal which lost 99-0, and even YOU voted against your own bill.

26.) I Have Been A Bold Leader In Illinois -
NOT EXACTLY, even your own supporters claim to have not seen BOLD action on your part.

27.) I Passed 26 Of My Own Bills In One Year -
NOT EXACTLY, they were not YOUR bills, but rather handed to you, after their creation by a fellow Senator, to assist you in a future bid for higher office.

28.) No One on my campaign contacted Canada about NAFTA -
NOT EXACTLY, the Canadian Government issued the names and a memo of the conversation your campaign had with them.

29.) I Am Tough On Terrorism -
NOT EXACTLY, you missed the Iran Resolution vote on terrorism and your good friend Ali Abunimah supports the destruction of Israel .

30.) I Want All Votes To Count -
NOT EXACTLY, you said let the delegates decide.

31.) I Want Americans To Decide -
NOT EXACTLY, you prefer caucuses that limit the vote, confuse the voters, force a public vote, and only operate during small windows of time.

32.) I passed 900 Bills in the State Senate -
NOT EXACTLY, you passed 26, most of which you didn't write yourself.

33.) I Believe In Fairness, Not Tactics -
NOT EXACTLY, you used tactics to eliminate Alice Palmer from running against you.

34.) I Don't Take PAC Money -
NOT EXACTLY, you take loads of it.

35.) I don't Have Lobbyists -
NOT EXACTLY, you have over 47 lobbyists, and counting.

36.) My Campaign Had Nothing To Do With The 1984 Ad -
NOT EXACTLY, your own campaign worker made the ad on his Apple in one afternoon.

37.) I Have Always Been Against Iraq -
NOT EXACTLY, you weren't in office to vote against it AND you have voted to fund it every single time.

38.) I Have Always Supported Universal Health Care -
NOT EXACTLY, your plan leaves us all to pay for the 15,000,000 who don't have to buy it.

39.) My uncle liberated Auschwitz concentration camp -
NOT EXACTLY, your mother had no brothers and the Russian army did the liberating.

So, who EXACTLY is this Obama guy and what is he trying to sell us?! Please get to work now...not enough of your loved ones and friends know about this fraud.

Does this guy ever tell the truth? NOT EXACTLY!!!!!!!




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Early Printer's Ink Out alarm 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 18

It is funny how the media are portraying those silly Pussy
Riot bimbos as heroes fighting for free speech. If a punk
band had attempted the same stupid stunt in the 
Washngton Cathedral, or in one of the 36 mosques in 
Washington,  they would have been thrown in jail too.
And most likely beaten up in the process.

Just imagine a semi-musical punk band howling and screeching
in the major Washington mosque, beseeching Mohammed to
get rid of Obama!

Those bimbos did the exact equivalent.
Absolutely no class.

Putin used music during the election campaign. Putin is
definitely not a low class punk. He funded a flash mob in
Moscow, including training and coaching and costumes,
to perform "PUTIN on the Ritz".
It was very well done and a hit on youTube and the media.

After some prodding and rumor mongering, his opposition
was goaded into clamoring, that he had used Government 
money for it. Of course, the more they whined, the further
the news about "PUTIN on the Ritz" spread.
By election time, everybody in Russia was either grinning 
about it, or humming "PUTIN on the Ritz".

They did not understand what "PUTIN on the Ritz"
was about, but it is a neat, catchy tune, with a good rythm,
so that PUTIN fella must be OK.

The Flash Mob happening was Feb 26, the election was
March 4, and even the election monitors were humming the tune.

Contrary to what the US media tried to imply, Putin was elected
by a very clear margin. 

Amongst other things, he did use music, but he did not piss
off a lot of religious people, who had absolutely nothing to
do with the election.

By the way, Walter the Stonecarver of http;//stonecarver.com,
a subsciber since the early 90's and frequent contributor, is one
of the carvers, who worked on the Washington Cathedral. 
Walter does not go there for religious purposes, but I 
don't think he would approve of non-religious punks abusing 
the cathedral for political purposes.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1587 1st English child born in the New World (Virginia Dare) 
1686 Cassini reports seeing a satellite orbiting Venus
1834 Mt Vesuvius erupts 
1835 Last Pottawatomie Indians leave Chicago 
1868 Pierre Janssan discovers helium in solar spectrum 
   during eclipse 
1914 Pres Wilson issues Proclamation of Neutrality 
1936 106.5º F(41º C) Hottest afternoon of year in Iowa 
1958 Fidel Castro makes a speech on Cuban pirate radio Rebelde 
1960 1st photograph bounced off a satellite, Cedar Rapids, Iowa 
1961 Construction on Berlin Wall completed
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Unhappiness is not knowing what we want and killing ourselves to get it." --- Don Herold Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. ---Lily Tomlin Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away! --- Socratex
One evening after dinner, Bob's five-year-old son noticed that his mother had gone out and he asked, "Where did mommy go?" In answer to his questions, he was told, "Mommy is at a Tupperware party." This explanation satisfied him for only a moment. Puzzled, he asked, "What's a Tupperware party, Dad?" Bob had always given his son honest answers, so he figured a simple explanation would be the best approach. "Well, son," he said, "at a Tupperware party, a bunch of ladies sit around and do a lot of screeching and yelling while they show plastic bowls to each other." He nodded, indicating that he understood this curious pastime. Then he burst into laughter. "Come on, Dad," he said. "What is it really?"
On beautiful deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following people are stranded, each group on separate islands: 2 Italian men and 1 Italian woman 2 German men and 1 German woman 2 Greek men and 1 Greek woman 2 English men and 1 English woman 2 Bulgarian men and 1 Bulgarian woman 2 Japanese men and 1 Japanese woman 2 Chinese men and 1 Chinese woman 2 American men and 1 American woman 2 Irish men and 1 Irish woman One month later, on these absolutely stunning deserted islands in the middle of nowhere, the following things have occurred: One Italian man killed the other Italian man for the Italian woman. The two German men have a strict weekly schedule of alternating visits with the German woman. The two Greek men are sleeping with each other and the Greek woman is cleaning and cooking for them. The two English men are waiting for someone to introduce them to the English woman. The two Bulgarian men took one long look at the endless ocean and another long look at the Bulgarian woman and started swimming. The two Japanese men have faxed Tokyo and are awaiting instructions. The two Chinese men have set up a pharmacy/liquor/store/ restaurant/laundry, and have got the woman pregnant in order to supply employees for their store. The two American men are contemplating the virtues of suicide, because the American woman keeps on complaining about her body, the true nature of feminism, how she can do everything they can do, the necessity of fulfillment, the equal division of household chores, how sand and palm trees make her look fat, how her last boyfriend respected her opinion and treated her nicer than they do, and how her relationship with her mother is improving, etc.. The two Irish men divided the island into north and south and set up a distillery. They do not remember if sex is in the picture because it gets sort of foggy after the first few liters of coconut whiskey. But they're satisfied because at least the English aren't having any fun.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Mother-In-Law's Chair You see why it is called that by the enlarged inset. There are wicked thorns like that all over the top, under the soft and comfortable looking wool. The small cactus to the left of it, with the wide blades for thorns, is a Ferro. Those wide blades curve as it grows older, and get strong enough, that you can lift it up by those hooks.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brooke Parent, 21, Portsmouth, NH Slow Learner - Jailed For Prostitution Just Ten Minutes After She Was Released From Jail On Two Prior Prostitution Charges Brooke Parent, a 21-year-old New Hampshire woman who was free on bail after a prostitution bust, was jailed two more times on Wednesday for the same charge. The third charge came just ten minutes after she was released from jail on the second prostitution charge. According to police, Parent was arrested August 2 during a 10-month long investigation that also resulted in the arrest of a clinical psychologist who allowed Parent to use his apartment for the alleged trysts. During her arrest, Parent told detectives that she had a special arrangement with Marino to provide "limited sex services" because she is pregnant. After her release, Parent was arrested on a second prostitution charge on Wednesday after she offered to perform a sex act on an undercover officer in exchange for cash. About ten minutes after she was released on the second charge she was arrested for prostitution a third time after she allegedly offered to sell sex to a different undercover officer. Parent now faces three charges of prostitution and a charge for violating the conditions of her bail. The psychologist, identified as 38-year-old Alexander Marino, was also charged with prostitution. He was released after posting $1,000 bond. An alleged john, 22-year-old John Parra, was also arrested after he leaped through a window while attempting to flee arrest during a police raid on Marino's apartment. Investigators say Parra had an "unfurled" condom in his hand when they took him into custody.
Tech Support Pits: From: Papa Hank Re: Printer Ink Out Alarm Dear Webby, Hi my best morning cheerer upper, good suggestion to "out of ink". Atlantic ink is great with fast shipping and terrific prices. Been using them for years. The ink lasts a long time. One thing the user should know is that when the low ink warning comes on, there is plenty of ink left and on my Canon. It quits printing when then cartridge is really empty. Papa Hank Dear Papa Hank The Ink Out light on printers is like the Low Gas light on cars. No panic, but time to get organized to get a refill. If you order from Atlantic Inkjet .com, you will have the new cartridges sitting there on the printer a week before the ink actually runs out. With Atlantic's Laser toner, when the toner for a color actually does run out, you usually get another day or two, if you take that color cartridge out and shake it a bit. You still have to refill it, but that extra day lets you plan for that. You don't have to stop in the middle of some urgent work, while somebody is standing there waiting for something. Refilling toner with their kit is really easy, and it even comes with a CD with instructions. However, the very first time you use a refill kit, it can be a bit scary and intimidating, until you look at the CD and see how simple it really is. So, for your very first refill budget 10 minutes. After that you can easily do it in two minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Sink Storage Ideas I have a tip for those of us that still like to do dishes by hand. I was tired of looking at the bottle of dish soap on my sink, so I decides to get a cute pickle dish with 3 sections at the dollar store and place my sink items I use every day in it. I also got a lemon squirt bottle for my dish soap. That way you don't waste as much and no big bottle at your sink. You can use ketchup/mustard any refillable smaller bottle. I know I could put it under my sink, but, with everyone using the sink, it's easier for us. I hope some one can use this idea! By diva53d from Foymount, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

"In this job we need someone who is responsible," said the employer. "Then I'm your man," answered the potential employee. "On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Can you please bring back those singing horses? Mia Sure. Click on each horse to turn it on or shut it up. Singing horses http://snipurl.com/2yy3
» Tall Ships 2012


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Can you have icons on both monitors? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Patricia!

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1807 Robert Fulton's steamboat Clermont begins 1st trip up Hudson River
1846 US takes Los Angeles 
1870 1st ascent of Mt Rainier, Washington 
1877 Asaph Hall discovers Mars' moon Phobos 
1896 Gold is discovered on Klondike River 
  two years later the WhipePass& Yukon Route railroad was completed
1940 FDR & Canadian PM William M King agree to 
   joint defense commission 
1942 US bombers staged 1st independent raid on Europe 
   attack Rouen, France 
1978 1st manned balloon crossing of Atlantic Ocean (Eagle II) 
1990 Phyllis Polander sues Mike Tyson for sexual harassment 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We do not know what we want and yet we are responsible for what we are - that is the fact. --- Jean-Paul Sartre I've been on a diet for two weeks and all I've lost is two weeks. --- Totie Fields
The elderly priest, speaking to the younger priest, said, "It was a good idea to replace the first four rows of pews with plush bucket theater seats. It worked like a charm. The front of the church always fills first now." The young priest nodded, and the old priest continued, "And you told me a little more beat to the music would bring young people back to the church, so I supported you when you brought in that rock 'n roll gospel choir. We are packed to the balcony!!" "Thank you, Father," answered the young priest. "I am pleased that you are open to the new ideas of youth." "However," said the elderly priest, "I'm afraid you've gone too far with the drive-thru confessional." "But, Father," protested the young priest, "my confessions and the donations have nearly doubled since I began that!" "I know, son, but that flashing neon sign on the church roof, 'Toot 'n Tell or Go To Hell', that's got to go.
A pair of cows were talking in the field. One says, "Have you heard about the mad cow disease that's going around?" "Yeah, " the other cow says,"makes me glad I'm a penguin."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Make mine a tall, cool lemonade!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Chadwick Lange, 43, New York, NY. Thieves speed off in running Maserati NEW YORK (UPI) -- Police in New York said car thieves made off with a Maserati while its owner was standing nearby, talking to a friend. Investigators said the car's owner, Chadwick Lange, 43, left the keys in the ignition and the engine running when he got out of the vehicle in Times Square to talk to a friend around 4:40 a.m. Sunday when two men approached him and asked if they could take pictures of the car, the New York Daily News reported Tuesday. However, after taking a couple of pictures, one of the men jumped into the car and sped off, with the other man following on foot. They said the car slowed down after a couple of blocks to allow the second man to get into the car. Police said they have yet to identify any suspects. They are still laughing too hard.
Tech Support Pits: From: Luanne Re: Icons on both monitors? Dear Webby, I am using two monitors, the silly, sawed off, wide monitor that came with the new computer, and my good, old 24" 1600 x 1200 CRT monitor. Naturally, I do all the work on the big one, and just use the sawed off runt as a scratch pad. I was wondering, can I safely move all my icons onto the sawed off runt, and sort of use it like a remote control for running programs on the big monitor? Thanks Luanne Dear Luanne Yes, sure. That works fine. Use SMD (Save My Desktop) now and then, in case Windows loses it's marbles. With that you can restore the desktop to whichever way you had it the last time you saved it. SMD is free and in my Tool Box
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Line Kitchen Cabinets with Vinyl Floor Tiles Line your kitchen and bathroom cupboards with floor tiles. It looks attractive and it provides easy clean-up. Apply a cork tile to the inside of your kitchen cupboard door to pin take-out menus, shopping lists, tips, anything really. By sooz from Toronto, ON Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

While looking in the archive for a specific joke, I came across this item from seven years ago: Things I have learned from watching the news on TV during Hurricane Katrina coverage the last couple of weeks: It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane only hit black family's property It's all Bush's fault. New Orleans was devastated and no other city was affected by the hurricane It's all Bush's fault. Mississippi is reported to have a tree blown down It's all Bush's fault. New Orleans has no white people It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane blew a limb off a tree in the yard of an Alabama resident It's all Bush's fault. When you are hungry after a hurricane, steal a big screen TV It's all Bush's fault. If the store that you are looting is out of your size shirts, set the stroeon fir, sothat you won't waste time on it again. It's all Bush's fault. The hurricane did 200 billion dollars in improvements to New Orleans: now the city is welfare, looter and gang free and they are in your city. It's all Bush's fault. White folks don't make good news stories It's all Bush's fault. Don't give thanks to the thousands that came to help rescue you, Instead bitch because the government hasn't given you a debit card yet It's all Bush's fault. Only black family members got separated in the hurricane rescue efforts It's all Bush's fault. Ignore warnings to evacuate and the smart folks will come get you and give you money for being stupid. It's all Bush's fault.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is an actual conversation I over-heard while at lunch today. A young woman was talking with an older woman, apparently her mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained. "The baby is teething and he's up all night crying." "Why don't you just dip a finger into a thimble-full of Southern Comfort, and rub it on his gums? That will numb them up and put him right to sleep." answered mom. "I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do to him." "Well, it never hurt you any." The look on her face was priceless.
» Kalahari Kritters


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How to change icon size in Windows 7? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 16

All the lawns for three blocks in all directions were 
speckled with leaves torn off trees by yesterday's hail.

 On my walk I realized that Thursday is bulk garbage pick-up.
People had all kinds of stuff piled by the street, anything 
from clock radios to king size mattresses. 

So I called Curt, a neighbor of Barb's, to give me a hand
lugging a bunch of old chainlink fencing to the street. 
Afterward I drove to the liquor stroe to get him a six-pack
for his help. 

On the way back we spotted a BBQ on the street,
in much better shape than my old one. It was too big to 
go into the small trunk on the LeBaron, so Curt sat in the
trunk and held the handles of the BBQ, while I slowly drove
home. We must have looked quite silly, but it worked out
just fine. Now I just have to save up $35 for a new propane
tank, or about the same for fittings to adapt it to natural 
gas.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1743 Earliest boxing code of rules formulated in England
1777 Americans defeat British in Battle of Bennington, Vt
1780 British decisively defeat Americans in Battle of Camden, SC
1812 Gen Hull surrenders Detroit & Michigan territory to England 
1819 Manchester Massacre; English police charge unemployed 
    demonstrators
1858 Britain's Queen Victoria telegraphs President James Buchanan
1861 Pres Lincoln prohibits Union states from trading with Confederacy 
1898 Roller coaster patented 
1955 Fiat Motors orders 1st private atomic reactor
1959 USSR introduces installment buying 
1960 Britain grants independence to crown colony of Cyprus 
1960 Joseph Kittinger parachutes from balloon at 
   31,330 m (84,700') 
1984 LA federal jury acquits auto maker John Z DeLorean 
   on cocaine charges
1990 Iraq orders 4000 Britons & 2500 Americans in Kuwait to Iraq 
  That did not go over well at all.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"President Bush called the rebuilding of New Orleans "one of the largest reconstruction efforts the world has ever seen." If you don't count Cher." --- Jay Leno There are only two kinds of people who are really fascinating: people who know absolutely everything, and people who know absolutely nothing. --- Oscar Wilde
A knight and his men return to their castle after a long hard day of fighting. "How are we faring?" asks the king. "Sire," replies the knight, "I have been robbing and pillaging on your behalf all day, burning the towns of your enemies in the west." "What?!" shrieks the king. "I don't have any enemies to the west!" "Oh, no..." says the knight. "Well, you do now."
A minister had just finished an excellent fried chicken dinner at the home of a congregation member when he saw a rooster come strutting through the yard. "That's certainly a proud-looking rooster," the minister commented. "Yes, sir," replied the farmer. "He has reason to be proud-- one of his sons just entered the ministry."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Wild passion flower
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kayla Walters-Merrian, 18, Lexington, S.C. "Booby Trap" - Charged With Luring Young Boys Into Woods, Sexually Assaulting Them Kayla Walters-Merrian, an 18-year-old South Carolina woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly used her breasts to lure a group of young boys into the woods where she sexually assaulted them. According to police, Walters-Merrian exposed her breasts to three boys (ages 11-12) to lure them into a wooded area near her home. Once the four of them were in the woods, Walters-Merrian lifted up her skirt and talked all three boys into performing sexual acts on her. The alleged sexual encounters took place on August 13 and 14. Police launched an investigation Tuesday night after the mother of a victim heard about the incident from another victim's sister. Walters-Merrian was booked into jail and charged with three counts of third-degree criminal sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Change icon size in Windows 7 Dear Webby, After one of those nuisance W7 bug fixes, that required a reboot, the size of my icons suddenly jumped to a much larger size, and there is no way to change the back. I am using the same 1600 x 1200 resolution as you are. Thanks for talking me into that 15 years ago! So, how do I civilize the icons? Bob Dear Bob It's a secret. Have you ever seen this cute little picture, that I painted many years ago? That secret trick works not just for browser zoom, but if you click onto an empty spot on the desktop first, it zooms the icons larger or smaller, depending on which way you crank the mouse scroll wheel. Feel fre to tell people where they can look up tricks like that. I need more subscribers! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com tore Touch-up Paint in Film Canisters Save film canisters and use them to store small amounts of leftover paint for touch-ups. Label each one and store in a handy place. Instead of a label, you can also just paint a part of the film canister lid with the paint for quick reference. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Film containers are probably impossible to find nowadays, however pill ontainers come in many sizes and are just as handy for paint and small screws and springs. For paint store them upside down to ensure an airtight seal. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Sue-Ann "That was nice of you to set up a blind date for your ex- boyfriend." "I know, but I don't hold any grudges." "I'm surprised he trusted you enough to agree to go out with her." "Well, I had to swear to him she's Jennifer Lopez's double." "Wow! Is that true?" "I wouldn't lie. She's twice her weight and twice her age."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The husband and wife go to a counselor after 15 years of marriage. The counselor asks them what the problem is and the wife goes into a tirade listing every problem they have ever had in the 15 years they've been married. She goes on and on and on. Finally, the counselor gets up, goes around the desk, embraces the woman and kisses her passionately. The woman shuts up and sits quietly in a daze. The counselor turns to the husband and says "That is what your wife needs at least three times a week. Can you do that?" The husband thinks for a moment and replies, "Well, I can get her here Monday and Wednesday, but Friday I golf. "
» Buchart Gardens


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When to replace printer ink? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 15

Had some really noisy weather today:
First there ws a  horizontal rainstorm that picked up water 
from the streets and blew sheets of it along. When one of 
those hit the house it shuddered with a loud tud.

Then the wind slowed down to about 30 and the rin changed 
to hail. 

The hail stones were only 3/4 inch in size, but they sure
bounced! On the stret they bounced more than a foot,
on the lawn they bouced two feet. It ws really cute to watch.
By the time I figured i should try to take a picture of that,
and got the camera, it was too late. Still was awfully 
noisy outside, though! 

Then we got thunder and lightning. Quite a show!
 
 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1057 Macbeth, King of Scotland, slain by son of King Duncan
1519 Panama City founded 
1620 Mayflower sets sail from Southampton with 102 Pilgrims
1858 Regular mail to the Pacific coast begins
1870 Transcontinental Railway actually completed 
1893 US no longer allowed exclusive rights in Bering Sea 
1906 1st freight delivery tunnel system begins, underneath Chicago
1914 Panama Canal opens (under cost) 
1918 US & Russia sever diplomatic ties
1945 South Korea liberated from Japanese rule
1945 US wartime rationing of gasoline & fuel oil ends
1947 India becomes independent, Islamic part becomes Pakistan 
1948 Republic of Korea (South Korea) proclaimed
1957 David Simons reaches 30,942 m in Man High 2 balloon
    (101,515 feet)
1964 Race riot in Dixmoor (Chicago suburb) Ill 
1966 Radio Free Asia (South Korea) begins radio transmission
1969 Woodstock Music & Art Fair opens in NY State
    (Max Yasgur's Dairy Farm) 
1991 750,000 attend Paul Simon's free concert in Central Park 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don`t worry about what people think; they don`t do it very often --- Ronelle
At a little hole in the wall restaurant I saw a sign that read: "Women are not served here." And in small letters below that: "You have to bring your own."
One year, Johnny's family was having the "extended family" cookout at their home. One of the special treats that year was the lighting of the fireworks (Roman candles, bottle rockets, missile batteries, etc.) they had bought out of state. (because they are illegal in their state, of course!) Just before they were to arrive, a cousin calls, saying their neighbor's plans had just fallen through, and could they bring them along to the picnic - they even had extra food to bring. "Sure, the more the merrier!" Upon arrival and meeting of their cousin's neighbor, it is discovered that he's a police officer. The father turns as innocently as he can to Johnny, and whispers to him to grab the paper bag of fireworks sitting in the kitchen and hide them somewhere quickly. Johnny disappears, and the father changes the topic to food for the day. The family had brought some chicken to grill, so the father tells then the gas grill is all set to use out back - just turn on the gas and push the ignition button with the lid still closed. They head out the back, as Johnny comes back in through the front door. The father hurries to him and says "Whew, that was close! That man is a police officer, and he almost saw the fireworks. Did you hide them real well?" "Oh, yes! Nobody will ever think to look in the grill!" BOOOM!
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Tree Frog
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Melody Lehigh, 26, in York, Pennsylvania Jailed After Crawling Into Neighbor's Bed To Avoid Arrest, Admitted To Being "Drunk And Crazy" Melody Lehigh, a 26-year-old Pennsylvania woman was jailed Friday after she allegedly crawled into a man's bed while attempting to elude police. According to police, officers were dispatched to an apartment complex after a fight between Lehigh and her boyfriend sparked a noise complaint. Officers arrived on the scene to find a trail of blood leading from the couple's apartment to a public restroom at the apartment complex. When officers opened the restroom door, they found Lehigh's intoxicated boyfriend inside. The boyfriend, who had blood on his clothing, told officers that Lehigh had crawled out of the bathroom through a window about 20 minutes prior to their arrival. A short time later, the officer heard caughing coming from a second-floor apartment balcony. When the officer looked to see where the noise was coming from, he spotted Lehigh hiding on another resident's balcony. Before the officer had a chance to respond, Lehigh allegedly head-butted the window and crawled into the resident's apartment. Officers went to the apartment and found Lehigh, who was attempting to crawl into bed with a man who lives inside the apartment. Lehigh told officers that she had been inside the apartment the entire time. As the officer attempted to handcuff Lehigh, she shouted expletives and repeatedly kicked him in the groin. The officer was eventually forced to use a stun gun to bring Lehigh into compliance. The officer noted in his report that Lehigh was covered in blood, had a bloody nose and was covered with black marks. Lehigh refused treatment stating that she "refused to be a victim" and that she received the injuries from "being drunk and crazy." Lehigh was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, burglary, resisting arrest, criminal trespass and criminal mischief. She was also taken into custody on three outstanding warrants for harassment. Before she became a drunk nuisance, she was quite cute:
Tech Support Pits: From: Carl Re: When to refill ink Dear Webby, If my ink cartridge runs out of one color, is it safe to continue printing with just the other colors ? Thanks Carl Dear Carl It's best to refill immediately. Pumping air and dried ink particles ruin a print head faster than anything else. If you don't have ink in that color, wrap the cartridge in a damp paper towel, put it into a ziplock bag, and use a different cartridge until you get more ink. If you go to AtlantIc inkjet .com and order a refill kit or ink in that color, it will be in your mailbox in a few days. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Post its For Bookmarks I use post it note paper as bookmarks. You can get the really small ones in a variety of colors, they work really great. Plus, they don't slip out of books like regular bookmarks. By LuLu from Chicago, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Rev Garth After finishing an out-of-town errand, I discovered that my car wouldn't start because it was out of gas. A passer-by told me there was a service station a half mile away, so I took a gas can from the trunk and trudged the distance in the sweltering sun. The attendant filled my two gallon can, and I lugged it back and poured the gas into the tank. But when I tried to unlock the car door, it wouldn't open. Just then, I noticed an identical old car parked a short distance away. That was my car. I had filled a stranger's gas tank. Wearily I walked back to the station. The attendant suggested helpfully, "You know, instead of walking back and forth to fill the tank from the can, you could put a couple of gallons in the tank and then drive the car here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Gina Time Zones! Stationed in Okinawa, Japan, my son and his wife were expecting their first baby. I was elated when he called me at work with the news of my grandchild's birth. I took down all the statistics and turned to relate it all to my co-workers. "I'm a grandmother!" I declared. "It's a baby girl, and she weighs five pounds." "When was she born?" someone asked. Recalling the date my son told me, I stopped, looked at the calendar, and said in amazement, "Tomorrow!"
» Alberobello Italy


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Best mouse 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 14

Thank you Gloria!

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is try.
If one of you gets through to them please let me know.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
410 Alaric sacks Rome
1248 Construction of Cologne Cathedral begun
1457 Oldest known exactly dated printed book 
   (c 3 years after Gutenberg) 
1765 Mass colonists challenge British rule by an Elm
1813 British warship Pelican attacks & captures US war ship Argus
1842 Seminole War ends; Indians removed from Florida to Oklahoma 
1846 Henry David Thoreau jailed for tax resistance
1880 Construction of Cologne Cathedral completed
1893 France issues 1st driving licenses, included required test 
1896 Yukon Gold discovery announced
1900 Intl forces including US Marines enter Beijing to put down 
   Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at ridding China of foreigners
1908 Race riot in Springfield Illinois 
1912 2,500 US marines invade Nicaragua; US remains until 1925
1917 China declares war on Germany & Austria at start of WW I 
1935 Social Security Act became law 
1945 V-J Day; Japan surrenders unconditionally to end WW II 
1947 Pakistan gains independence from Britain 
1966 1st US lunar orbiter begins orbiting the Moon 
1971 Bahrain proclaims independence after 110 years of British rule
1971 British begin internment without trial in Northern Ireland 
1973 US bombs Cambodia 
1984 IBM releases MS-DOS version 3.0 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like. --- Phyllis Diller Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him. --- Minna Thomas Antrim
An elderly gentlemen went in for his annual physical exam. The doctor said, "You're in incredible shape. How old are you again?" The man replied, "I am 78." The doctor exclaimed, "Wow, 78. How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." The man explained, "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. The man sighed, "I've pretty much lived an outdoor lifestyle."
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the vegetable lasagna recipe."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Judy for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Na Cola Darcel Franklin, 31 in Whitehall, Pennsylvania She only wanted to kill him a little bit for just a short time. A Pennsylvania woman is accused of fatally stabbing her husband-to-be just hours before they were scheduled to be married. Na Cola Darcel Franklin, 31, is facing homicide charges in the death of her husband-to-be, Billy Rafael Brewster, 36, in the apartment they shared in Whitehall Township, according to the Whitehall Township Police Department. But, according to the Morning Call newspaper, Franklin did not realize her fiance was permanently dead, when she came before a judge that same day. The newspaper reported that Franklin stood mute, and seemingly stunned, when a judge told her she was being charged with a single count of homicide. "You got to check again!" Franklin cried out during the Saturday afternoon court hearing, begging the judge to check once more on Brewster's condition. "He was pronounced dead by the Lehigh County coroner earlier today," District Judge Donna Butler was quoted as saying. The newspaper said Franklin began wailing and rocking, and choked out the words: "I ... did ... not ... kill ... him ... on ... purpose," she said. "I want my family back. ... I want to go home." The judge said that wasn't one of Franklin's options: "You are not going home any time in the near future." It was not immediately clear what led up to the stabbing, which took place about 2:19 a.m. Saturday morning, according to a media statement released by police. The couple were supposed to be married at 10 a.m. Relatives staying with the couple told police that Brewster had announced plans to go out and grab some food for the crowd when an argument ensued, authorities said. Then, police said, Monique Kali of Illinois, who was among those visiting for the wedding, said she heard someone yell "Knife!". Kali told police she saw Franklin swinging a knife. Fearing that her husband might be injured, Kali told police, she tackled Franklin, who was then disarmed. In the meantime, a bleeding Brewster stumbled out onto the walkway outside the apartment and was found there when police arrived some time later. He was taken to a nearby hospital, where he was pronounced dead. Among his injuries: A stab wound to the heart, police said.
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Which is the best Mouse? Dear Webby, I need a new mouse and want to know which is the best one. Thanks Alex Dear Alex That depends on what you use it for. For office work like spreadsheets, web design, word processing, etc. I still recommend the Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. It comes in wired and in wireless versions. If you need it mostly for browsing and light gaming, then the top mouse is the Logitech MX1000 Cordless Laser Mouse. It has a charging stand like a cordless phone and you won't have to keep swapping rechargeable batteries between the mouse and the charger. For art work, my preference is the wired Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. The cordless is by comparison a bit mushy. It's just as precise and unless you compare them side by side, you probably won't notice the difference in speed. However, you will get more work done in a day with the wired one. If fast reaction time is important, choose a wired mouse, not a cordless mouse. With the wired mouse on my main machine my reaction time averages 0.181 seconds, with the cordless mouse on my laptop I average 0.221 sec. Both mice are Microsoft Intellimouse Explorer 2. If you want to check your mousing speed, try Mousing Speed http://snipurl.com/eo9o Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use an Empty Can as a Utensil Holder When Cooking Here is what I use to prevent spilled mess on my counter when I am cooking. I usually use more than one utensil when I am cooking but never know where to place them during the cooking time as I am still using them. Well, since I usually use some type of canned goods with all my meals, I came up with the following idea. I rinse the can that I used, then I use it as a utensil holder while I am cooking. Once I am done cooking, I place the utensils in the sink, rinse the can again and recycle it. So it's kinda like recycling it twice. The bonus is that it saves a mess to clean off my counter or a plate. By tomnsaby from Albuquerque, NM Instead of a lightweight can, that gets knocked over easily, I use a 1 Liter (quart) Pyrex measuring cup, 3/4 filled with water. I have never tipped or knocked that one over. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats?" The girl said, "I don't know....I don't eat cats."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.
» ALVIN


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How long does a McAfee Scan take? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 13

Thank you Barbara and John 

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is t ry.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1521 Spanish conquerors captured Mexico City from Aztecs 
1642 Christiaan Huygens discovers Martian south polar cap
1868 Quakes kill 25,000 & causes $300 million 
   damages (Peru & Ecuador) 
1906 Black soldiers raid Brownsville Texas 
1907 1st US taxicab (NYC) 
1945 35 Jews blow up Nazi rubber plant in Silesia (WWII has 
   been over since May)
1946 Britain transfers illegal immigrants bound to Palestine, to Cyprus 
1988 Ronald J Dossenbach sets world record for pedaling across 
Canada from Vancouver, BC to Halifax, NS in 13 days, 15 hr, 4 min 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What this country needs is more free speech worth listening to. --- Hansell B. Duckett There comes a time in every man's life and I've had many of them. --- Casey Stengel "Some folks are wise and some are otherwise." ---Tobias George Smolett
Father Murphy walks into a pub in Donegal and says to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do, Father." The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" The priest approached a second man and said, "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest. The priest walked up to O'Toole and said, "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't, Father," O'Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye and said, "You mean to tell me that, when you die, you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiled. "Oh, when I die. Yes, sure, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now."
A lawyer was reading the will of a rich man to the people mentioned in it: "To my loving wife, Rose, who stood by me in the rough times as well as the smooth, I will the house and two million dollars. "To my daughter, Jessica, who looked after me in illness and kept the business going, I will the yacht, the business, and one million dollars. "And to my cousin, Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and who bet that I would not remember him in my will: You are wrong. Dan, I remember that you are a turkey."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Ancient Wooden Stave Church, Norway
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to Neil for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Samuel Dye, 20, in Chester, S.C. Jailed After Attempting To Rape And Murder Grandmother "Because He Was Tired Of Not Having A Girlfriend" Samuel Dye, a 20-Year-Old South Carolina bonehead was jailed Thursday after he beat his grandmother with a hammer, then sexually assaulted her, because he was upset about not having a girlfriend. According to police, Dye's grandmother told police that her grandson, showed up at her home at around 4 a.m. with a hammer. He then proceeded to complain about not having a girlfriend and told his grandmother that he was going to "get some." That's when Dye began striking his grandmother with his hammer. Investigators say the grandmother tried to stop him and suggested that they pray, however, Dye responded by exposing himself and then attempting to rape the woman. He then struck the woman in the head again with the hammer, knocking her to the ground. The attack was stopped when Dye's father heard his mother screaming and came to check on her. Dye was booked into the Chester County Detention Center and charged with attempted murder and attempted sexual contact.
Tech Support Pits: From: Christine Re: How long does mcAfee take to scan? Dear Webby How long does McAfee take to scan a computer? Mine has been at it since Friday evening. Is something wrong? Christine Dear Christine Due to the system and file structure, it takes a lot longer with W7 than it did with XP. The actual amount of time it takes depends on how many files you have. If you have a large external drive, that can add considerable time to it. Just leave your computer running and let it scan. Shutting it off while you sleep will force it to scan while you are working. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Kabobs Put a fun and affordable spin on backyard barbecues with a make-your-own-kabob station. Set out a variety of chopped veggies like peppers, zucchini, and mushrooms and marinated and cubed steak or chicken. This is a great way to stretch your ingredients further, while your guests can customize their meal. Source: A sign at my local grocery store You mean there is a different way than this? Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Dave When I returned home from college for a break, I noticed a paper posted on the refrigerator. It listed some goals my dad had set for himself: Help wife more; lose weight; be more productive at work. I promptly added: "Send Michelle money every month." A few days later my brother wrote: "Make payments on car for Jason." Then my boyfriend joined in with: "Buy Tom a Jeep." Finally my father added a new goal to his amended list: "Wean kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching large fish. One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth. He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy. The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doctor used his fishing scales. The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.
» Time to Chill


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How much RAM for a Windows 7 conversion? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 12

Thank you Barbara and John 

Yes, I know, the Ezinefinder has weekend sickness again.
You can try their contact form at
http://www2.thriftyfun.com/about/contact.lasso
Since they don't answer, it is impossible to tell if that 
form works or not. All you can do is t ry.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1332 Battle of Dupplin Moor; Scottish dynastic battle
1508 Ponce de Le¢n arrives in Puerto Rico 
1851 Isaac Singer granted patent for his sewing machine
1863 1st cargo of lumber leaves Burrard Inlet (Vancouver, BC)
1888 Bertha, wife of Karl Benz, makes 1st motor tour
1898 Hawaii formally annexed to US
1936 120º F (49º C), Seymour, Texas
1953 Soviet Union conducts secret test of its 1st hydrogen bomb 
1960 Echo 1, 1st communications satellite, is launched 
1962 Russia launches Vostok 4 with Pavel Popovich, 
   who lands safely Aug 15 
1964 Race riot in Elizabeth NJ
1965 Race riot in West Side of Chicago 
1972 Last American combat ground troops leave Vietnam 
1981 IBM introduces the PC and PC-DOS version 1.0 
1985 Japanese Boeing 747 crashes, 520 die (worst in-flight toll) 
1990 Iraq President Saddam Hussein says he is ready to resolve the 
    Gulf crisis if Israel withdraws from occupied territories 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"If you can't convince them, confuse them." --- Harry Truman "Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian." --- Dennis Wholey "Some folks are wise and some are otherwise." ---Tobias George Smolett
A motorist driving by a Texas ranch hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth. "Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out." The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer. "Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's post-dated six years from now."
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to neil for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Dillard,34, in Houston, Texas Middle School Teacher Charged With Having Sex With Many Students Bethany Appleton, a 28-year-old teacher at Shelbyville Middle School has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with multiple students after providing them with alcohol and marijuana. According to police, Appleton was taken into custody following a lengthy investigation through the Indiana Department of Child Services. Investigators say Appleton had sex with multiple students over the course of a year. In at least one instance, Appleton had sex with a student at her residence after drinking alcohol and smoking marijuana with the minor. The alleged sexual encounters took place between April 2011 and May 2012. Police have not yet released the age of the alleged victims and classified the investigation as ongoing. School officials have announced that Appleton no longer works for the district. Appleton was booked into jail and charged with 13 counts of sexual misconduct with a minor, child seduction, maintaining a common nuisance and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Officials say additional charges may be forthcoming as the investigation continues. Appleton does not always put on a sad-ass poor-little-me so hard done by show. Here is how she looks, when she is on the prowl: Would be iteresting to find out why none of the grown-ups would mess with her.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: How much RAM for Windows 7? Dear Webby My wife has been talked into getting Windows 7 by her weird women's libber friends. She wants me to upgrade her eight year old XP to Windows 7. How much RAM would I have to add? Rick Dear Rick Buy her a cheap Windows7 computer instead, and quietly adopt her old XP for a spare computer for yourself. Windows7 will never run very well on that old XP, but if you simply format it and re-instally XP, it will run as fast as it did when it was bought, and will run circles around Windows7 computers. Check the specials at TigerDirect, Future Shop, Dell, etc. and buy her a $300 Windows 7 machine. Anything else will just wste your time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee to Keep Away Mosquitoes Age your old coffee grounds for about a month in an open container and sprinkle them wherever you see standing water to kill mosquito larva. (Don't use in fish tanks or where there are water plants, etc.) You can also use leftover coffee in a spray on weeds and outdoor surfaces, as these insects hate the aroma! Cheap, easy, and relatively non-toxic! Source: AARP online newsletter By from Los Angeles, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

A visitor to Denver rushed from the airport into a waiting taxi, trying to keep dry in the heavy downpour. "Can you think of anything worse," grumbled the visitor, "than raining cats and dogs in Denver?" "Sure," said the Karl, cab driver. "Hailing taxis!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship offshore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued."
» Hotter Stuff


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Evil light on mouse 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 11

Ron, in Okinawa: If you did not get my email, contact me on Skype:
dearwebby

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1772 Explosive eruption blows 4,000' off Papandayan Java, kills 3,000 
1866 World's 1st roller rink opens (Newport, RI) 
1877 Asaph Hall discovers Mars's moon Deimos 
1918 Battle of Amiens ends WW I, Allieds beat Germans 
1933 Temp reaches 136º F (58º C) at San Luis Potos
1934 1st federal prisoners arrive at Alcatraz in SF Bay
1945 Allies refuse Japan's surrender offer to retain Emperor Hirohito 
1954 Formal peace takes place, ending 7+ yrs of fighting in Indochina
    between French & Communist Vietminh 
1964 Race riot in Paterson NJ
1965 6 day insurrection starts in Watts section of Los Angeles 
1972 "Cheech & Chong Day" in San Antonio Texas 
1979 28º F (-2ºC)in Embarrass Minnesota 
1984 During a microphone test Pres Reagan joked he "signed legislation to 
   outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in 5 minutes" 
1990 Egypt & Morocco troops land in Saudi Arabia to prevent Iraqi invasion
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.' --- Ronnie Shakes
One of my students could not take my college seminar final exam because of a funeral. "No problem," I told him. "Make it up the following week." That week came, and again he couldn't take the test due to another funeral. "You'll have to take the test early next week," I insisted. "I can't keep postponing it." "I'll take the test next week if no one dies," he told me. By now I was suspicious. "How can you have so many people you know pass away in three weeks?" I asked. "I don't know any of these people," he said. "I'm the only gravedigger in town."
>Friom Orville On a family vacation in Texas, my brother-in-law Mike exhibited the exuberance of a tourist. At a diner, he and his brothers ordered cheeseburgers. When his meal arrived, the first thing Mike noticed was its size. "Wow," he exclaimed, "everything IS bigger in Texas!" As he lifted the burger off the plate, his eyes met the cold stare of the 300-pound waitress.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Thanks to neil for alerting me to this one: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stephanie Dillard,34, in Houston, Texas Mom Left Kids in Crashed Car While She Got Naked, Ate Ice Cream and wrestled with cops. HOUSTON — A Texas mom faces child endangerment charges after police say she was found naked and eating ice cream inside a drug store after leaving her three children alone in a wrecked car. 34-year-old Stephanie Dillard faces one count of child endangerment after police say her car collided with a Houston bus on Friday afternoon. Dillard’s three children, ages 5, 12 and 16, were in the car at the time, and all three suffered minor injuries – including a large gash over the eye of the youngest child, police said. The record does not state whether the bus driver noticed the incident. Police say that after the wreck, Dillard got out the car and walked away, leaving the children alone at the scene. She then allegedly walked to a nearby CVS drug store and started taking off her clothes while she ate ice cream. Investigators said the naked Dillard put up a big fight when officers tried to arrest her. Dillard is being held in the Harris County Jail with bond set at $2,000. The children have been turned over to a grandmother. Police said they have not yet figured out what caused Dillard's strange behavior. Dillard's past criminal history includes a 2009 robbery charge, and most likely she is still on probation from that. A good guess is that the kids were fighting and she was yelling at them, when she hit the stopped bus, and figured getting naked and beating on some cops would get her away from her brats for a while.
Tech Support Pits: From: Len Re: Evil light on mouse Der Webby My mother called me about this "evil light" on her mouse. Apparently it comes on slowly and then fades off slowly, "like an evil heartbeat". She wonders if her computer is infected or if her mouse is possessed. It is a fairly new Microsoft 5 button mouse. Len Dear Len That slow pulsing light is the low battery indicator. The battery in that mouse is getting low and Microsoft is just hurryig that along a little bit, since you-know-who is a major shareholders in certain battery companies. Tell her to get an AA battery and keep it handy, because the battery in her mouse will stop working soon. Once she has replaced the battery, the "evil heartbeat light" will go out. The old mouse battery is by no means dead. It is just below the level, that Microsoft set as the cut-off level. That battery will probably still power a wall clock or a remote thermometer for a year. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Add Storage By Going Up When you don't have a lot of space, try going up instead of around the room. A stacked washer and dryer is a good example. Floor to ceiling gives you lots of storage for anything. Try stacking pieces of furniture for more space. By MelindaR. from Jessieville, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

The new lieutenant was doing the muster. "JACKSON?" "Here!" "KIBBEY?" "Yo." "STEPHENS?" "Present, sir." "SEEBACK?" Nothing. "SEEBACK?!" Still nothing. "DAMMIT, SEEBACK!" I was tempted to let him condemn SEEBACK to kitchen duty, but eventually relented and told him: "Sir, See Back means turn the paper over and see the back side of it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Todd and Jill went to a "Dude Ranch" while in Texas. The cowboy preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or English saddle, and she asked what the difference was. He told her one had a horn and one didn't. Jill replied, "The one without the horn is fine. I don't expect we'll run into too much traffic out here."
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Irritating Things 

There's always a car riding your tail when you're slowing down to find an address.

You open a can of soup and the lid falls in.

There's a dog in the neighborhood that barks at everything.

You can never put anything back in a box the way it came.

You slice your tongue licking an envelope.

Your tire gauge lets out half the air while you're trying to get a reading.

You wash a garment with a tissue in the pocket and your entire laundry comes out covered with lint.

The car behind you blasts its horn because you let a pedestrian finish crossing.

A piece of foil candy wrapper makes electrical contact with your filling.

You set the alarm on your digital clock for 7 p.m. Instead of 7 a.m.

People behind you on a super-market line dash ahead of you to a counter just opening up.

You can't look up the correct spelling of a word in the dictionary because
you don't know how to spell it.

You have to inform five different sales people in the same store that you're just browsing.

You had that pen in your hand only a second ago and now you can't find it.

You reach under the table to pick something off the floor and smash your head on the way up.





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How to solve the CAPS LOCK problem 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 9

I harvested the remaining rhubarb today and cut it into short
slices for freezing. By mid August the oxalic acid in it gets 
a bit strong. It is healthy and said to be a strong anti-oxidant,
but I don't like it when it gets too strong. So I filled a dozen
.28 Liter (half pint) containers and jammed them into the 
freezer compartment of the fridge. A half pint is just right
for a nice desert or dumped over some pancakes.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
480 -BC- Persia defeats Spartan king Leonidas at Thermopylae 
378 Battle of Adrianople, Visigoth Cavalry defeats Roman Army 
1673 Dutch recapture NY from English; regained by English in 1674
1778 Capt Cook passes through Bering Strait
1786 1st ascent of Mt Blanc 
1842 US-Canada border defined by Webster-Ashburton Treaty 
1849 Hungarian Republic crushed by Austria & Russia
1854 Henry David Thoreau publishes "Walden" 
1945 US drops 2nd atomic bomb, destroys part of Nagasaki 
1960 Race riot in Jacksonville Florida 
1972 Rockwell receives NASA contract to construct the Space Shuttle 
1988 Edmonton Oilers sell Wayne Gretzky to LA Kings for $20 millions 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Man is so made that he can only find relaxation from one kind of labor by taking up another. --- Anatole France The scientific name for an animal that doesn't either run from or fight its enemies is lunch. --- Michael Friedman If a man will begin with certainties, he shall end in doubts; but if he will be content to begin with doubts he shall end in certainties. --- Sir Francis Bacon A lie told often enough becomes the truth. --- Lenin
Thanks to Sandie for bringing back the Spelling Checker! I halve a spelling checker, It came with my pea see. It plainly marks four my revue Mistakes I dew knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait aweigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the era rite Its rarely ever wrong. I've scent this massage threw it, And I'm shore your pleased too no Its letter prefect in every weigh; My checker tolled me sew. So gueys and goils, I'm shure u wil Emjoy the impruved quality of Engless In this daly paege!!!!
Becky prepared a pasta dish for a dinner party she was giving. In her haste, however, she forgot to refrigerate the spaghetti sauce, and it sat on the counter all day. She was worried about spoilage, but it was too late to cook up another batch. She called the local Poison Control Center and voiced her concern. They advised Becky to boil the sauce again. That night, the phone rang during dinner, and one of the guests volunteered to answer it. Becky's face dropped as the guest called out, "It's the Poison Control Center. They want to know how the spaghetti sauce turned out."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Crystal Rusaw, 24, in New Port Richey, Florida Played While Boyfriend Was Away - Jailed For Leaving Kids Alone To Have Sex With Neighbor Crystal Rusaw, a 24-year-old New Port Richey woman was jailed Saturday after she allegedly left her 3 small children at home alone to have sex with a neighbor. The children (ages 10 months, 3 and 4) were later found crossing a busy highway without any supervision. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched when a witness spotted the children crossing a four-lane road around 5:00 a.m. The oldest child was carrying the youngest child across the road. The baby was wearing only a urine-soaked diaper. The witness pulled the children out of the road and called 911. Deputies tracked down the mother of the children, identified as Rusaw and questioned her about her whereabouts and why the children were left unattended. Rusaw stated that she had left her children at home alone so she could go have sex with a neighbor. She went on to say that she "accidentally" fell asleep. Police estimated that the children were alone for about 4 hours, in a residence where there are 32 registered sex offenders within a mile radius. Rusaw's boyfriend stated that he had been out of town for the week and didn't know about the incident until he returned. Rusaw was booked into jail and charged with child neglect. She was released after posting bond. The children are now in the care of relatives.
Tech Support Pits: From: Marlene Re: Caps Lock Der Webby I keep hitting CAPS LOCK accidentally, often! Finally my mom said to ask you what to do about it. I NEVER need the CAPS LOCK, so what is the solution? Marlene Dear Marlene There are some tricky software solutions, that may or may not work for you. An then there is my hardware solution. I pry the CAPS LOCK key off the keyboard with a tea spoon or screw driver, whichever is closer by, cut that small central pipe underneath with a sharp knife, so that the key can sit flat on the desk. The I grab a piece of Saran Wrap, lay it on the desk, mix some one or five minute epoxy and fill the upside down key with it. Just before it gets hard, I turn it upright onto the Saran Wrap. When I peel off the Saran Wrap, there is a large, smooth surface. Then I take that CAPS LOCK key and some Crazy Glue and go to Walmart or Staples or wherever I last saw a coin operated copy machine, and glue the CAPS LOCK key onto it. It is priceless to watch employees and customers stare at that CAPS LOCK key and try to figure out how it would work, but none of them dare push it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Brillo Pad Last Longer To prevent a Brillo pad from getting rusty, rinse after use then shake out all of the excess water. Make sure no more water comes out when you shake it. I even hit the pad against the sink wall a few times. The pad will last so much longer! By FI1969 from Catonsville, MD Brillo pads are traditional steel wool pads and usually are the waste from boring the holes in gun barrels with step drills. Unless somebody really trashes their pots by always getting carried away with their email while they should be watching what is on the stove, regular stainless steel pads will work fine, and better cooks can even get away with the traditional yellow/green sponge/abrasive scouring pads. When buying the yellow/green scouring pads, avoid the ones that have the yellow part foam matress style polyethylene foam with uniform small holes in the foam. Always select the ones made from polyurethane foam that looks like natural sponge. Their sponge side cleans much better than the foam, and lasts a lot longer. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

One woman was bragging to her next-door neighbor about her son, a college student at the University of Illinois. "Why, our son is so brilliant, every time we get a letter from him we have to go to the dictionary." "You're lucky," the neighbor said. "Every time we get a letter from our son in college, we have to go to the bank!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Boudreaux been fish'n down by de bayou all day and he done run outa night crawlers. He be bout reddy to leave when he seen a snake wif a big frog in his mouf. He knowed dat dem big bass fish like dem frogs, so he decided to steal dat froggie. Dat snake, he be a cotton mouf water moccasin, so he had to be real careful or he'd git bit. He snuk up behin' dat snake and grabbed him roun de haid. Dat ole snake din't lak dat one bit. He squirmed and wrap hisself roun Boudreaux's arm try'n to git hisself free. But Boudreaux, he had a real good grip on his haid, yeh. Well, Boudreaux pried his mouf open and got de frog and puts it in his bait can. Now, Boudreaux knows dat he cain't let go dat snake or he's gonna bite him good, but he had a plan. He reach into de back pocket of his bibs and pulls out a pint a dat moonshine likker. He pour some drops into de snake's mouf. Well, dat snake's eyeballs kinda roll back in his haid and his body go limp. Wit dat, Boudreaux toss dat snake into de bayou. Den he goes back to fishin. A while later Boudreaux dun feel sumpin tappin on his barefoot toe. He slowly look down and dare wuz dat water moccasin wif two more frogs!
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Why and how do I delete email attachments? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 8

Dianne's Bonus Link is fixed now.

"Curiosity", the newest Mars vehicle, seems to be operating
properly, as it should for what it cost. Unlike the 2004 rovers,
Curiosity is not depending on solar cells. It has a proper 
nuclear powerplant, just like the old SkyLab had. 

That means electricity, or the lack thereof, won't be an issue.
They can analyse rocks all they want, even vaporize them to
do proper spectrum analysis as good as any lab on earth.
And with the goofy arrangement of wheels and the light gravity,
nothing should stop them.

The only problem seems to be the same problem most of us face:
Connectivity. Once Curiosity has raised it's main antenna, the Mars
side will improve, but the Earth side will still be limited by 
atmosphere and not much better than an Air-Card cell modem.
Well, the portion of the transmission set aside for pictures 
for the public will be at that speed. The bulk of the transmissions 
will remain reserved for classified data from the instruments. 

The next rover will go up there together with a geostationary
satellite, also nuclear powered. The rover will just transmit to
that satellite, which will always be in the same spot, and 
which will be able to blast data without any atmospheric
slowdown straight to the International Space Station. 

With the acres of solar panels and forests of antennas the
space station can retransmit the data to dozens of earth
based antennas. Then we will get live color video, not just
tiny clips that take a long time to arrive. 

You'll have to be patient for a little while longer.
They have not found the Martians yet anyway.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1579 Cornerstone is laid for Tycho Brahe's Uraniborg observatory
1609 Venetian senate examines Galileo Galilei's telescope
1709 1st known ascent in hot-air balloon, Bartolomeu de Gusmao (indoors) 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for exile on St Helena 
1929 German airship Graf Zeppelin begins a round-the-world flight 
1940 Battle of Britain began as Germany launches air attacks
1945 USSR declares war against Japan in WW II
1945 USSR establishes a communist government in North Korea 
1968 Race riot in Miami Florida
1974 Pres Richard M Nixon announced he'd resign his office
1988 Russian troops begin pull out of Afghanistan after 9 year war 
1988 Temperature hits high of 88 on 8/8/88 in NYC 
1990 Iraq annexes Kuwait, briefly
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Getting caught is the mother of invention. --- Robert Byrne If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle
>From JJS When was young got laid off from five different jobs in four months. got another job driving a forklift in a warehouse. One day, he lost control of a forklift and drove it off the loading dock. Surveying the damage, the owner shook his head. The owner said, I'll have to withhold 10 percent of your wages every week to pay for the repairs." "How much will it cost?" asked. The businessman responded, "About $4,500." "PHEW! What a relief!" said . "FINALLY! I've finally got some job security!"
Neither teenagers nor cats turn their heads when you call them by name. No matter what you do for them, it is not enough. Indeed, all humane efforts are barely adequate to compensate for the privilege of waiting on them hand and foot. You rarely see a cat walking outside of the house with an adult human being, and it can be safely said that no teenager in his or her right mind wants to be seen in public with his or her parents. Even if you tell jokes as well as Jay Leno, neither your cat nor your teen will ever crack a smile. No cat or teenager shares your taste in music. Cats and teenagers can lie on the living-room sofa for hours on end without moving, barely breathing. Cats have nine lives. Teenagers carry on as if they did. Cats and teenagers yawn in exactly the same manner, communicating that ultimate human ecstasy -- a sense of complete and utter boredom. Cats and teenagers do not improve anyone's furniture. Cats that are free to roam outside sometimes have been known to return in the middle of the night to deposit a dead animal in your bedroom. Teenagers are not above that sort of behavior.
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version Morning mist on Fentol Lake, Ontario
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Thanks to Judy for alerting me to this one: Mandy Ramsey, 35, Topless Florida Woman Leads Police On Sexiest Chase Ever A not very wise plan is to drive topless all the way to your house, speed along the way to attract a following of cops, and then to lead police on a chase through the neighborhood, get flustered and damage the pick-up's passenger side mirror against a tree, and try to hide the truck behind your mobile home. According to police, that's what Mandy Ramsey did near Ocala, Florida over the weekend, and she got to spend some time in jail on charges of fleeing and eluding police, but got quickly bailed out by her hubby. The 35-year-old was topless and speeding on County Road 318 in Marion County on Saturday, when an officer tried to pull her over to get a closer look at her features, and/or give her a speeding ticket. Apparently hit with the realization that getting pulled over while partially nude wasn't the best way to spend a Saturday, Ramsey fled and lost the cops. When they eventually caught Ramsey by going to the address listed on her l;icense plate registration, she admitted she didn't stop because she was topless and "on her way to surprise her husband," the Sun reports. Ramsey faces one count of fleeing a law enforcement officer. And he did not get to peek.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Why delete attachments? Hi Webby How do you delete an attachment Before you delete an email? I thought we should not click on those kind of attachments. Thanks. RON P Dear Ron If you don't dump those attachments, then they are land-mines on your hard drive, and can be triggered at any time, when somebody wonders what they are. With traditional email programs like Eudora, you right-click the email while still in the view / preview, and select "Delete Attachment". Eudora has had that option since about 1991 for sure. Most of the clones have copied that feature. If the email program you use, does not have that feature, check it's help. You NEED to know how to do hat! Otherwise, some day you are cleaning garbage from your hard drive, and you see something like Ron.zip or Mom.zip, and wonder what it is about. Bingo. One click and it is too late. You are owned and your computer is controlled by somebody far away. McAfee quarantines that stuff, basically hides it, so that you can't click on it, but why keep it cluttering up your hard drive? Best, of course, awww, here the old fart goes again.... is to use Mailwasher, nuke that crap while it is still on the server, and don't bother downloading it. If I got a dollar for every time somebody said: "Sheet! I should have listened and gotten that Mailwasher!" I would be eating meat. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peel Banana from the Bottom Up If you peel a banana from the bottom up instead of from the top down, you won't have those annoying stringy things from the peeling. By ashleybunkin from WV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

A woman goes to the local psychic in hopes of contacting her dearly departed grandmother. Shortly after the psychic stashed her rather exorbitant fee, her eyelids begin fluttering, her voice begins warbling, her hands float up above the table, and she begins moaning. Eventually, a coherent voice emanates, saying, "Granddaughter? Are you there?" The customer, wide-eyed and on the edge of her seat, responds, "Grandmother? Is that you?" "Yes granddaughter, it's me." "It's really, really you, grandmother?", the woman repeats. "Yes, it's really me, granddaughter." The woman looks puzzled, "You're sure it's you, grandmother?" "Yes, granddaughter, I'm sure it's me." The woman pauses a moment, "Grandmother, I have just one question for you." "Anything, my child." "Grandmother, when did you learn to speak English?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two girls were discussing pranks they had played on people in the past while waiting for a bus. After they boarded a crowded bus and one of them whispered to the other, "Watch me embarrass a man into giving me his seat."Pushing her way through the crowd, she turned all her charms upon a gentleman who looked like he might embarrass easily. "My dear Mr. Wilson," she gushed, "fancy meeting you on the bus. Am I glad to see you. Why, you're almost a stranger. My, but I'm tired." The sedate gentleman looked up at the girl. He had never seen her before, but he rose and said pleasantly, but by no means quietly: "Sit down, Mary, my girl. It isn't often I see you on washday. No wonder you're tired. Being pregnant probably isn't easy. By the way, don't deliver the wash until Thursday. My wife is going to the District Attorney's office to see whether she can post bail to get your boyfriend out of jail for a while."
» Illustration or Illusion


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Fake email from PayPal 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 7

Sorry about the typo in the link to the large version of 
the Snowy Owl. it should have ended with .jpg, not jpgg
Got it fixed for today.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1498 Columbus arrives in Caribbean
1620 Kepler's mother arrested for witchcraft 
1782 George Washington creates Order of the Purple Heart 
1820 1st potatoes planted in Hawaii 
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel of Phila patents revolving door
1927 Peace Bridge between US & Canada dedicated 
1942 1st American offensive in Pacific in WW2, Guadalcanal
1947 Balsa raft Kon Tiki crashes into a Polynesian archipelago reef 
1959 Explorer 6 transmits 1st TV photo of Earth from space 
1961 Cosmonaut Gherman Titov circles Earth for a full day in Vostok 2
1966 Race riot in Lansing Michigan
1970 1st computer chess tournament 
1976 US Viking 2 goes into Martian orbit after 11-month flight from Earth 
1984 Japan beats US for olympic gold medal in baseball 
1987 Lynne Cox swims 4.3 km from US to USSR in 39º F (4º C) Bering Sea 
1990 Saudi Arabia allows US troops on their soil to stop an Iraqi invasion 
2012 Mars rover "Curiosity" soft landed on Mars
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Times have not become more violent. They have just become more televised. --- Marilyn Manson Study without desire corrupts the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. --- Leonardo da Vinci
Smith goes to see his supervisor in the front office. "Boss," he says, "we're doing some heavy house-cleaning at my mother-in-law's home tomorrow, and my wife needs me to help with the attic and the garage, moving and hauling stuff." "We're short-handed, Smith," the boss replies. "I can't give you the day off." "Thanks, boss," says Smith, "I knew I could count on you!"
The minister gave his Sunday morning service, as usual, but this particular Sunday, it was considerably longer than normal. Later, at the door, shaking hands with parishioners as they moved out, one man said, "Your sermon, Pastor, was simply wonderful - so invigorating and inspiring and refreshing." The minister of course, broke out in a big smile, only to hear the man say, "I felt like a new man when I woke up!"
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Snowy Owl
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jessie Beam, 26 in Spartanburg, SC Wimp Attacked Grandmother, 67 A South Carolina woman returned home from the grocery store Saturday afternoon and told her grandson that she had purchased some chicken salad. However, Jesse Beam, 26, clims he misheard his 67-year-old grandmother. “Don’t call me chicken, again!” yelled Beam, according to a Spartanburg County Sheriff’s Office report. Beam’s grandmother told deputies that she “attempted to explain to Jessie she was not calling him chicken,” but her grandson threw a bowl of food at her and shoved her to the ground as she sought to flee her Bethesda Drive residence. Apparently he also kicked her, while she was down. The woman sustained assorted cuts, contusions, and scratches, and possibly a broken nose during the attack. Beam, the wimp with the plucked eyebrows in the above mug shot, was arrested for assault and battery and booked into the Spartanburg County jail. He remains in custody in lieu of $2000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Eloise Re: Mail apparently from PayPal [on Skype] Dear Webby I sent you an email I got from PayPal about a payment being held up, etc. Dear Eloise I didn't receive that email. Apparently MailWasher figured it was a spoof or scam or from North Korea or Nigeria, and dumped it right on the server, murdered in the dark, without ever letting it show up in the list. Don't click on anything in it. Just forward it to spoof@paypal.com and then delete it. If it has any attachments, delete those before deleting the email. PayPal never asks you to click on anything. They tell you to log in and then see if there are any legitimate messages. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Lids Work as Small Dry Eraser Boards Margarine or butter container lids make great dry erase boards. You can use washable markers on them or dry erase markers on them. I cut the rim off of the top of the margarine container lid, made a hole with an icepick and then put a twistie tie through the hole and then clothes pinned it to the kitchen blinds. I'll probably cut the next one into a square and put it on the bedroom or front door for messages. I may or may not decorate them later. By Robyn from Hampton Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
100 healthy snacks It's the snacks that make all the difference! Discover How To Prepare 100 Delicious Snacks with 3 Ingredients Or Less. Now You Can Enjoy Ready-to-eat Healthy Snacks With Over 100 Nutritionist-approved French-style Recipes designed to keep you thin, healthy and satisfied. This looks like an Heirloom book, that will be passed on from generation to generation!

>From Britta My husband and I found a charming bed-and-breakfast nestled in the White Mountains of New Hampshire. Though enchanted, I nonetheless had some questions about the accommodations. "Does the room have its own private bath?" I asked. Nodding, the proprietor answered, "If no one else comes, it does."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The teacher was giving her class of seven-year-olds a natural history lesson. "Worker ants," she told them, "can carry pieces of food five times their own weight. What do you conclude from that?" One child was ready with an answer: "They don't have a union."
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Adding a second hard drive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 6
Civic Holiday in Canada

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1181 Supernova observed by Chinese & Japanese astronomers
1806 Holy Roman Empire ends
1815 US flotilla ends piracy by Algiers, Tunis & Tripoli 
1890 1st use of electric chair in US, John Hart, in NY for murder 
1914 Austria-Hungary declares war against Russia
1914 Serbia declares war against Germany
1934 US troops leave Haiti, which had been occupied since 1915 
1945 Atom bomb dropped on Hiroshima by "Enola Gay" 
1962 Jamaica gains independence from Britain 
1986 Phil Katz releases PKARC version 1.0, for the IBM 
1990 UN Security Council votes 13-0 (2 abstentions Cuba & Yemen) 
   to place economic sanctions against Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster. --- Quentin Crisp "True luck consists not in holding the best of the cards at the table; luckiest is he who knows just when to rise and go home." --- An Texan, a Scot and a Californian were in a terrible car accident. They were all brought to the same emergency room, but all three of them died before they arrived. Just as they were about to put the toe tag on the Texan, he stirred and opened his eyes. Astonished, the doctors and nurses present asked him what happened. "Well," said the Texan, "I remember the crash, and then there was a beautiful light, and then the Canadian and the Scot and I were standing at the gates of heaven. St. Peter approached us and said that we were all too young to die, and that for a donation of $50, we could return to earth. So of course I pulled out my wallet and gave him the $50, and the next thing I knew I was back here." "That's amazing!" said one of the doctors, "But what happened to the other two?" "Last I saw them," replied the Texan, "the Scot was haggling over the price and the Californian was waiting for the government to pay for his." John Hay (1838 - 1905)
A young nun named Sister Margaret Mary, who works for a local home health agency, was making her rounds when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a can to start with and drive to the station for a fill up. The attendant regretfully told her the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but if she would wait - it was sure to be back shortly. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and so she walked back to the car. After looking through the car for something to fill with gas, she spotted a bed pan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried it to the station, filled it with gasoline, and carried it back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into the tank, two men were watching from across the street. One turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'll become a Catholic!"
Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rachelle Heenan, 34, Fort Worth, TX Married Teacher Charged With Having Ongoing Sexual Relationship With Student Rachelle Heenan, a 34-year-old forensics teacher at Hollenstein CTC was jailed Thursday after she allegedly had an ongoing sexual relationship with a student. According to Fort Worth police, an investigation was launched in May after rumors of a sexual relationship between Heenan and a student began circulating around the school. Investigators say the relationship began in February when Heenan and the student began exchanging text messages on a regular basis. "Ultimately the victim and the suspect met each other in the parking lot of a private gym in Fort Worth, held conversations inside the vehicle, and ultimately led to kissing," said Fort Worth police Sergeant Pedro Criado. Sometime in March, the couple met at a local hotel where they engaged in sexual intercourse for the first time. The pair continued the sexual relationship over the next several weeks, meeting at various hotels and Heenan's home. The relationship continued until May 18 - a few days before detectives began looking into the case. Heenan, a married mother with two children was employed at Hollenstein Career and Technology Center at the time. Although the student was 18 years old at the time of Heenan's arrest, police have not stated how old the student was during the course of the relationship. Heenan was booked into jail and charged with 2nd-degree improper relationship between educator and student. She was released after posting a $10,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: Second Hard Drive Dear Webby I need a second hard drive for my machine. Does it have to be the same old FAT format as the old drive, or can I use NTFS ? Thanks Rick Dear Rick Forget drive formats. Simply get a USB eternal drive, the larger, the better. That way your new drive can outlive your computer and simply be plugged into a USB port on the next machine. If you want to re-use a drive from an old computer, then you have to figure out what format it uses, and get a USB external drive enclosure for that format. They usually all cost the same, but you definitely have to specify the fromat for those, because the internal plugs are different. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Tags from Aluminum Roof Flashing You can make garden tags out of leftover aluminum roof flashing (the kind on a roll). I took a simple tag design that I drew, printed it out on heavy paper, and cut it out. I took that template and a sharpie and traced that design onto the flashing metal multiple times. I cut it out with regular scissors, then punched a small hole with a hole punch for a place to hang them. The garden tags can be decorated by embossing if you like, simply etch the name of the plant you are identifying with a sharp tool. By jason0475 from Collegeville, PA Keep in mind that Sharpies and Mark-Alls are NOT garden-proof and fade in a year or two. If you take a short length of 1/2" water pipe and cut it lengthwise about 1/4" with a hack saw and then cut one side in to your cut, it gives you a curved embossing tool. Making a straight embossing tools is easy. Any piece of metal with the same thickness as your curved tool will do. Then you can lay the aluminum or galvanized flashing onto a few layers of lether and punch in whatever names you need. A sharp rap with a small hammer is enough to produce a precise indentation. It is a good idea to write the word onto the tin with blackboard chalk or pencil beforehand. You don't need a complete letter set. All letters are built from straight or curved sections. You can use the tags with the writing just indented, or fill the indented areas with a contrasting color. Exterior laquer is good for many years, foundation tar is good for 50 years. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook you’ll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Bill, the avid golfer, contacts a "Medium" and asks if there is a Golf Course in Heaven. The Medium says that his request is a big order, but he will try and find out and get back to him in a few days. After several days go by, Bill finally gets a call from the Medium. "Well," said Bill, "what did you find out?" "I've got good news and bad news for you," said the Medium. "OK," "what's the good news" Bill exclaimed. "Well," there is a beautiful 36 hole golf course in Heaven, and you'll have 24 hour access with your own personal caddy," blurted out the Medium!! "And the bad news?" asked Bill. "You're due to tee-off next Sunday at around 10:30 in the morning."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd probably limp too."
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How to lock the Internet Explorer Start page? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 5

Looks like it is going to be very nice and hot Sunday. 
I am going to switch my daily 3 - 4 mile walk to morning
instead of evening. Mornings are nice and cool.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1264 Anti-Jewish riots break out in Arnstadt Germany 
1583 Gilbert claims Newfoundland (1st English colony in North America) 
1656 Eight Quakers from England arrived in Boston and were immediately 
  imprisoned by the local Puritan authorities. (The church-and-state 
  amalgam of Puritanism looked upon non-ritual Quakerism with suspicion,   
  regarding it as theologically apostate and politically subversive). 
1772 1st partition of Poland, between Austria, Prussia & Russia 
1846 Oregon country divided between US & Britain at 49th parallel
1858 Cyrus W Field completes 1st transatlantic telegraph cable
1861 US Army abolishes flogging
1861 US levies its 1st Income Tax (3% of incomes over $800) 
1926 Houdini stays in a coffin under water for 1+ hrs 
1945 Atom Bomb dropped on Hiroshima (Aug 6th in Japan) 
1961 118º F (48º C), Ice Harbor Dam, Washington
1963 Britain, US & USSR sign nuclear test ban treaty 
1964 US begins bombing North Vietnam
1981 Pres Regan fires 11,500 air traffic controllers for striking
1985 Flexible-wing glider altitude record (214,250') set by Larry Tudor 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Lack of money is no obstacle. Lack of an idea is an obstacle. --- Ken Hakuta Conscience is the inner voice that warns us somebody may be looking. --- H. L. Mencken Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal
>From Bonnie: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
>From Liz: My husband is wonderful with our baby daughter, but often he turns to me for advice. Recently, I was in the shower when he poked his head in to ask, "What should I feed Lily for lunch?" "That's up to you," I replied. "There's all kinds of food. Why don't you pretend I'm not at home?" A few minutes later, my cell phone rang. I answered it to hear my husband asking, "Yeah, hi, Honey. Uh...what should I feed Lily for lunch?"
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Click on the picture for the large version Notre Dame Basisica, Montreal
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Charles Snowden, 41 in Ormond beach, Florida Nearly Naked Man Charged With Breaking Into Woman's Home To Search For Balls Charles Snowden, a 41-year-old Florida man was jailed Wednesday after he allegedly broke into a woman's home dressed in ripped underwear and claimed he was searching for tennis balls. According to the Volusia County Sheriff's Office, a woman called police around 7:16 a.m. after she woke up to find a stranger, later identified as Snowden, walking around her home. The victim told deputies that Snowden entered her home through a sliding glass door, walked into the kitchen and began rummaging through her silverware drawer. Investigators say the woman was afraid of alerting the man to her presence, so she waited until he left the home before contacting police. She told the dispatcher that he was walking down the street wearing only a ripped pair of boxer shorts. Deputies apprehended him a few minutes later. Snowden told police that he was visiting a friend in the area, and was walking around looking for tennis balls for his friend's dog. He also claimed that he was dressed in his underwear because they had become wet from a pressure washer earlier that day. He denied being inside the victim's residence. Officers believed he was under the influence of drugs and/or alcohol. Snowden was booked into the Volusia County Jail and charged with burglary of an occupied dwelling. He is being held in lieu of a $1,500 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Locking IE start page Dear Webby I am tired of all kinds of programs changing my Internet Explorer start or Home page. Is there a way to lock it, so that absolutely NOTHING and NOBODY (except me) can change it? John Dear John Get Spybot-Search&Destroy from my Tool Box. In that, use TOOLS, IE-Tweaks. You can lock many other settings too and totally frustrate any spyware and malware. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Margarine Tub as Sprinkle Container A new use for reusing margarine tubs. Get out your trusty old hole punch for this one; after washing the tub and lid, punch a few holes along the rim of the lid to make a sprinkle container. We use ours for sprinkling cinnamon-sugar on the kids' morning toast. They love to use it, which saves me a bit of time, as well! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook you’ll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

>From Linda While I was shopping in the mall with my three children, a display in the window of a lingerie store caught my eye. "Do you think Daddy would like this?" I asked the kids, as I pointed to the lacy pyjamas with matching robe. "No way," my horrified six-year-old son replied. "Daddy would never wear that!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing your stupid magazine."
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How do I turn URLs in Excel into clickable links? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 4
Thank you Guinn!
Thank you CFO!

I got a number of emails from people asking for roots of the 
Saskatoon berries. Shipping those across the border is really
frowned upon. Apparently inspectors in the US go totally 
berserk over shipping roots and would accuse you of causing
a mad cow epidemic AND blame you for Pelosi and Hillary.

If you really want to grow some Saskatoons, I can dry some
berries and send them in an envelope. Apparently they don't
become unreasonable about seeds, even from a range 
cattle area.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1181 Supernova seen in Cassiopia
1693 Dom Perignon invents champagne 
1790 US Coast Guard founded as Revenue Cutter Service 
1881 122º F (50º C), Seville, Spain
1914 Britain declares war on Germany
1916 US agrees to buy Virgin Islands from Denmark for $25 million
1927 Peace Bridge between US & Canada opened
1956 1st motorcycle rode over 200 mph 
          (Wilhelm Herz-210 mph/338 kph) 
1961 108º F (42º C), Spokane, WA 
1988 Hertz car rental will pay out $23 million in consumer fraud case 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball There is nothing so absurd but some philosopher has said it. --- Cicero, De Divinatione
>From Penny I just took a leaflet out of my mailbox, informing me that I can have sex at 79. I'm so happy, because I live at number 71. So it's not too far to walk home afterwards. And it's the same side of the street. I don't have to cross the road! Life is good !!! Penny
It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about twenty minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and dishevelled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The camper laughed and retorted, "A black snake isn't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a ninety foot cliff, he is!"
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

Thanks to Guinn for his lilies! Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tina Gianakon, 35 and Julian Call, 22 , Hutchinson, Kansas Kansas Couple Jailed After Masturbating Each Other Inside Wal-Mart Tina Gianakon, 35, and Julian Call, 22,were both jailed Sunday after they allegedly stole a tube of KY jelly from a Wal-Mart shelf, then began masturbating each other in plain sight of other customers. According to the Hutchinson Police Department, witnesses at a Hutchinson Wal-Mart called police after the couple reportedly grabbed some KY Jelly off the shelf, then began fondling each other in front of other customers. Neither suspect was under the influence of drugs or alcohol at the time. Call and Gianakon were booked into the Reno County Jail and charged with lewd an lascivious behavior and theft. They were released after posting a $1,000 bond each. ---------------------- It is normal and quite common that senior couples get frustrated at not finding any help at Walmart and arrange clothing racks in a circle and start shaking them in a suspicious manner, just to lure Walmart staff out of hiding, of course, but they don't steal any KY jelly and they don't do anything lewd out in the open.
Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: How do I turn URLs in Excel into clickable links? Dear Webby How do I turn URLs in Excel into clickable links? Years ago you made me a scary Macro to do that for thousands of URLs all at once, but somehow I lost that in the switch to the new computer. Today I was doing the weekly anti-virus scan with McAfee, while I had the usual mix of programs open and about two dozen tabs in Firefox. Yeah, I know, that is too much for W7, and it caused Firefox to lose it's marbles. Not a big deal, I got all the open tabs saved every ten minutes by SaveMyTabs, but that is in text files. That is kinda dumb, but not a big problem. I open one of those text files with Excel, and it sorts it nicely into columns. Now I need to turn the URLs into clickabel links, but preferably without that big, scary Macro. I know YOU can do it, so please tell me! Laura Dear Laura Put the cursor into a cell with a URL in it. Hit F2 and Enter That makes it a clickable link. If you got XP set up to jump the highlight one cell down when you hit ENTER like Quattro does by default, then you can start at the top of the column with the URLs and with F2 ENTER , F2 ENTER, F2 ENTER, etc. work your way down the column until all URLs are blue, underlined, clickable links. By the way, that works with email addresses too. F2 ENTER and when you hit that address, it opens your email program with that address already pasted into the TO field. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Garden Holder for Your Cell Phone Stay in touch while gardening by making a holster for a cordless phone out of an old shoe. Nail an old shoe to a stake and place it in the garden to hold the phone. Now there's no more running back into the house to grab the phone, and the phone stays out of the dirt. Source: Typical Mary Ellen By Mom of 1 from Wilkesboro, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook you’ll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

Jim's doctor tells him he has only one day to live. When Jim goes home to share the bad news with his wife, she asks what he wants to do with the little bit of time he has left. "All I want," Jim tells his beloved wife, "is to spend my last few hours reliving our honeymoon." Which is exactly what they did. But after hours of blissful romance, she announces that she's tired and wants to go to sleep. "Oh, come on," Jim whispers in her ear. "Look," his wife snaps, "I've got to get up in the morning and go to work. You don't. So simmer down!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An infantry brigade was training in the summer heat, learning methods to counter offensive tactics. That summer, the area had experienced an infestation of rattlesnakes. Officers and NCOs were given one magazine of live ammunition to counter this danger, as several men had already been bitten. So much ammunition was expended shooting, supposedly, at snakes that the post commander demanded that every officer and NCO who had shot at a snake present the dead snake as proof that the expenditure of rounds was justifiable. The next day, the post commander entered his office and spotted a shoe box on his desk. He opened it, revealing a sleepy and sluggish, but very live, rattlesnake. Inside the box were twenty expended cartridges, and a short note. The note said, "I missed!"
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What are Saskatoons? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 3
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Sig!

Had to drive to High River for a doctor's appointment.
Now they are considering implanting some kind of pace maker, 
just in case. They admit that I don't really need it. 
It seems to me they need the installation fees more than I 
need the pace maker. We'll see.

On the way back I reflected on the difference between our
straight and wide roads over the rolling foothills, and the
curvy, narrow roads in Europe, where the roads go around
even small hills. On the narrow roads in Europe you wish your
car was narrower, here I am quite comfortable in an old
muscle car. 

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1492 Columbus sets sail from Palos, Spain for "Indies" 
1914 Germany invades Belgium & declares war on France in WW I 
1921 1st aerial cropdusting (Troy Ohio to kill caterpillars) 
1940 Lithuanian SSR is accepted into the USSR 
1963 Great Train Robbery-$3.25 M robbed 
1977 Radio Shack issues a press release introducing the TRS-80 computer 
    25 existed, within weeks thousands were ordered 
1990 Radio Kuwait goes off the air, due to the Iraqi invasion 
1991 Pan Am games open in Havana 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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People often write me and ask how I keep my wood floors so clean when I live with a child and a dog, and my answer is that I use a technique called Suffering From a Mental Illness. --- Heather Armstrong "To succeed, jump as quickly at opportunities as you do at conclusions." --- Benjamin Franklin It is nobler to declare oneself wrong than to insist on being right - especially when one is right. --- Friedrich Nietzsche -------------------- OK, I give in. Gullible Warming is indeed caused by your farts and by your vehicle and your use of electricity.
Not expecting to do well on the economics exam, John was heartened by the first question: In any given year, and to the nearest ton, how much wheat does the United States export? Smiling confidently, John wrote, "In 1492, none."
Two tourists were driving through Wisconsin. As they were approaching Oconomowoc, they started arguing about the pronunciation of the town's name. They argued back and forth until they stopped for lunch. As they stood at the counter, one tourist asked the employee. "Before we order, could you please settle an argument for us? Would you please pronounce where we are... very slowly? The girl leaned over the counter and said, "Burrrrrr, gerrrrrr, Kiiiing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to James Crittenden, 36, Louisville, KY Wookie Caught Huffing 10 Cans Of Reddi-Wip Inside Kentucky Grocery Store James Crittenden, a 36-year-old Kentucky man was jailed Wednesday after he was allegedly caught huffing multiple cans of Reddi-wip inside a Kentucky grocery store. According to police, officers were dispatched to the Value Market grocery store in Louisville after receiving a report that a man was huffing several cans of Reddi-wip inside the store. Officers arrived on the scene to find Crittenden, who appeared unsteady on his feet and had "extremely" slurred speech. Officers also found 10 cans of Reddi-wip that had been opened and inhaled. Crittenden offered to pay for the opened cans at a cost of more than $26, however, he only had $7 in his pocket at the time. Crittenden told officers that he huffed the cans in an effort to stay awake and that huffing was his constitutional right. Crittenden had been banned from the store in the past for similar behavior. He was booked into jail and charged with shoplifting, public intoxication, disorderly conduct and criminal trespassing. ---------------- Once upon a time, when real whipped cream came in cans, that had Nitrous Oxide (Laughing Gas) as a propellant, huffing the gas, that was still in the can when all the whipped cream was dispensed, "was a gas" indeed. If one was very careful with the whipped cream dispensing, you could indeed get a flushed face and a good laugh out of it. Usually, though, it was funnier for onlookers than for the huffer. Nitrous Oxide is available quite cheaply at welding gas suppliers, however, keep in mind, laughing gas is much funnier for spectators than for users. The dentist, who gives it to a patient, laughs a lot more than the patient. By the way, I doubt that a product like "Reddi-Whip" contains genuine laughing gas.
Tech Support Pits: >From Robert The bat is a Joe Carter Louisville Slugger for Little League worth about $15.00. >From Dani on ebay: 30" TONY GWYNN LOUISVILLE SLUGGER LL797 LITTLE LEAGUE BASEBALL BAT $14.99 From: Ron Re: What are Saskatoons? Dear Webby you keep talkin about Saskatoon berries what are they do they compare to something here in Michigan,USA How about a picture. Thanks RonP Dear Ron Saskatoons are a "superfruit", because they contain an awesome list of vital minerals, metals, vitamines, biotins, polyphenol antioxidants and goodies too numerous to mention here. They taste similar to WILD blueberries (not the bland plantation blueberries), but with a slight nutty tang. Here you see a picture of some Saskatoons, that I placed a tape measure behind, so that you see how big they are. This picture shows how Saskatoons don't ripen all at the same time. Only the hard to see dark ones are ripe. This picture shows my Saskatoon bushes. They are between 8 and 10 feet tall and show no sign of being at their limit. The branches are flexible nd easy to pull down for plucking. Here is a picture from May, when they were blooming: Each of those flowers produces a cluster of 4-12 berries. Saskatoon blossoms close up: Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Counter Before Rolling Out Cookie Dough To cool down the counter top when rolling out pastry and cookies or when making candy, chill it with ice packs. You can make your own by filling gallon-size freezer bags halfway with water. Force out as much air as possible, seal, and place them in the freezer on a cookie sheet. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook you’ll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring and baggy clothes was overheard telling a friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from dragging me everywhere with them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something you'd like to have dinner with." The Women "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a head- ache." The men
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Value of bat 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 2

Thank you, Sig!

Helped Barb pick Saskatoon berries today. Barb does some
of my bookkeeping work, and she drives me to my eye 
injections and back. In an hour we filled all the containers 
she had brought, plus all empty ones I had. So we dumped 
those into old shopping bags. She makes jam and usually
gives me some of it too.

 Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1375 1st roller skating rink opens (London)
1492 Jews are expelled from Spain by King Ferdinand & Queen Isabella
1776 Formal signing of the Declaration of Independence 
1819 1st parachute jump in US 
1939 Hatch Act prohibits political activity by federal workers
1941 Jews are expelled from Hungarian Ruthenia 
1964 North Vietnam fires on a US destroyer in Gulf of Tonkin
1964 Race riot in Jersey City NJ 
1990 Iraq invades & occupies Kuwait 
2012  smiled

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DearWebby


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An economist is a man who states the obvious in terms of the incomprehensible. --- Alfred A. Knopf Speak the truth, but leave immediately after. --- Slovenian Proverb I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason that he has to suffer for it. --- G. K. Chesterton "A pound of pluck is worth a ton of luck." --- James A. Garfield
Sarah and Dick were having dinner with a couple they'd not seen for several years. Each couple tried to re- capture knowledge of the other by recounting their histories. "And soon after we were married," Sarah began, "we were blessed with a marvelous, chubby creature with cute bow legs and no teeth." "You had a baby, I presume," said the other husband. "Nope," Dick broke in, "Sarah's mother came to live with us."
"Grandma, when you and Grandpa had your first baby, did Grandpa ever handle the middle of the night feeding?" "No. I always did that." "That must have been before you had women's liberation." "No, it was before we had baby bottles."
A Tutorial On How To Create A Website Using Wordpress. Great Guide For Beginners! If you have something to say, this guide tells you how to do it without hiring help. Wordpress Starter Guide.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amber Failla, 36, in California City, CA Teacher Charged With Having Ongoing Sexual Relationships With Three Students Amber Failla, a 36-year-old Math teacher at California City High School, was jailed Friday after she allegedly had ongoing sexual relationships with three of her students. According to California City Police, Failla was arrested after an investigation revealed that she had maintained ongoing sexual relationship with three students. Investigators have released few details about the case, other than to say that the students attended California High School and that the alleged relationships continued for more than a year. The charges would also seem to indicate that the alleged victims were under the age of 16. Failla, who also worked as a CCHS cheerleading asst. coach, was taken into custody after detectives obtained a search warrant and seized computers and cell phones from her home. She was booked into the Kern County Jail and charged with suspicion of oral copulation with minors under the age of 16 and sending explicit matter to minors.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Value of Bat Dear Webby A friend is moving out of her home and came across this old bat she has had for years. It's numbered 'LL797' and is in great condition. Anyone know where to find out about such things for her? Thanks in advance, Chris Dear Chris I am more familiar with DOS bats than wooden ones. So, your friend has "bats in the attic" ? I wonder if you know what that phrase means around here ? All joking aside, the easiest way to find out if it is worth more than firewood, is to take a picture of it and post it on e-bay. If nobody bids on it, give it to a kid in exchange for mowing the lawn or weeding the driveway. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a hundredth of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Shoe Tongue From Sliding Quite frequently the tongue in a child's shoe will slip around to the side where it can make the foot very uncomfortable. The situation can be remedied quite simply, however, by making two small slits in the offending tongue and passing the shoelaces through them. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ In this 169 page ebook you’ll find everything you need to know about how to grill some of the most amazing, hard to find recipes from start to finish! Currently with Bonus books: Delicious Pizza Recipes: Over 179 World Famous Pizza Recipes Cooking Like a Chef: This is an amazing guide of 101 of the best tips and techniques for cooking like a real professional chef. 60 Day Money Back Guarantee! Ultimate Guide to a Delicious Back Yard BBQ

A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
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During the historic first manned mission to Mars, two astronauts were charting the Martian surface. "Look at that," said one to the other, "how beautiful this alien landscape is, untouched by man." At that point, he was cut off, as he found his radio com- munications knocked out by unknown interference. They followed the source of the interference until they reached the rim of a crater. "Do you see what the source of that noise is?" asked the first astronaut. "I don't know," said the second, "but it might be coming from that Tim Hortons donut shop behind you."
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