Compressing picture files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech. --- Socratex The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ---------- My professors in college sure did not agree with that!
An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses' exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied: "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!"
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach." "That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house." Mrs. Cohen sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Sarah does. Nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

Thanks to Bill for this story: Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my rather ample tummy. Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to help much, hon." I said, "Sure it does. How else can I see the numbers on the scale?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Donaldson, 21, Brooklyn Caught with his pants down: A cell phone robber fails to get away after tripping over his own sagging jeans Reported by Sailor A Brooklyn man who tried to make a getaway on foot after swiping a woman’s cell phone was caught by police when he tripped and fell over his own sagging pants. Police and eye witnesses say Joel Donaldson, 21, punched his victim Maria Soccoro, in the face Wednesday then snatched her phone and took off running. But as he ran, his ill-fitting jeans kept tripping him up until they were completely around his ankles. Officer Donovan Hunt was directing traffic nearby saw the struggling thief and heard Soccoro’s screams. With Donaldson handicapped with pants at his ankles, Hunt was able to tackle him to the shock and amusement of spectators. ‘He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t run because his pants was falling down,‘ witness Arlene Williams told the New York Post. ‘This cop saw it, and he went right after him,’ Williams said. Donaldson was hauled away by police just blocks away from Brooklyn’s criminal court. He has since been charged with robbery. Tech Support Pits From: Ilah Re: Picture compression Dear Webby: This question has been addressed before but I did not have the brains to print your response and put it on file. IT will be filed this time. How do you compress pictures? We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want to send copies to friends and family. I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter. It gets the day off to a great start. Ilah Dear Ilah When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example, straight out of the camera it is 2400x1800, for email it should be 640 x 480. So, first you change the physical size and save kitty27.jpg as kitty27-640.jpg. That preserves the original for your archive. Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the options and select the compression ratio. Compression does not change the physical size, it just changes the color depth, and the file size. Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is quite OK, but over 20% pictures tend to look a bit washed out. Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away with the compression, you can always start again from the big original. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Anything With a Slick Surface Can Be a "Whiteboard" You can make little "white boards" to use while working with kids or for them to use in the car with any pieces of cardboard that are coated with a slick surface. Or use a piece of metal painted a light color. I recycled several different surfaces, including slick portfolio covers and an old magnetic play board, to use when I was tutoring a lot. Use pens meant for white boards with them, of course. By pam munro Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the president of the company working late. I'll come down there to identify him and explain the system to him again."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what was wrong. His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife. She hired a new secretary for me." The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?" "Neither. Her grandfather is bald."

» Whether the Weather

Today, Aug 31, in
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is 
 known as the Battle of Trocadero.
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The 
 device was used to produce moving pictures.
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin 
 D. Roosevelt.
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth.
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America.
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips 
 announced that they were separating. The marriage was 
 16 years old.
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems.
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede.
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania.
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century.
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target.
1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to 
 earn more than $600 million. 
2013  smiled


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Problems with updating Java 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 30.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )
For the first time in many years, an old man travels from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stops at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. He hands the attendant $1.50 and comments, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replies, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!"
While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife."
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

>From Pat As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a de- ceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up. After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card. It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind. The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent's name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card. "Pardon me," he asked hesitantly, "but how do you pronounce your husband's middle name?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kenneth Enlow, 52, Tulsa, Oklahoma Okla. man, pleads guilty to peeping from septic tank at public park Reported by Sailor A man found hiding in a septic tank under a women's restroom at a public park in Sand Springs has pleaded guilty to a peeping Tom charge. Kenneth Enlow pleaded guilty Thursday in Tulsa County District Court to the misdemeanor charge.The Tulsa World reports that Enlow was sentenced to one year in jail and a $5,000 fine. The 52-year-old man allegedly hid inside a permanent outhouse at White Water Park. He was arrested after a woman taking her daughter to the restroom saw someone looking at her from inside the toilet. A police report says firefighters pulled Enlow from the septic tank and authorities arrested him after he was cleaned off with a fire hose. Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Problem with updating Java Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter it is the way to start the day. I have (UGH) Vista on my machine and I keep getting notices to update Java. The problem is it won't update and when I try to unistall Java it won't do that either. Is there anything out there that can help me? Brenda Dear Brenda VISTA itself is not prohibiting Java. Most likely your machine is infected with some malware. I would run a reputable Anti-Virus program like McAfee or Kasperski, not Norton or one of the Freebies. After that, there should not be any problem with Java. Have FUN! DearWebby Later Brenda wrote: thank you that did the problem with Java Brenda
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Run with Clear Nail Polish To stop a run in your stockings, use clear nail polish at each end of the run. By LaTasha G. from Temple Hills, MD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

» A Mass of A-Maze

Today, Aug 30, in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow.
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at 
 New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became New York.
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established 
 the colony of Pennsylvania in America.
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender 
 the West Point fort to the British army.
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last 
 railroad  link between Leningrad and the rest of the 
 Soviet Union.
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation 
 headquarters in Japan.
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a 
 defense pact.
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East 
 Germany.
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went 
 into operation.
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were 
 inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame.
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its 
 independence.
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. 
 Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a 
 bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement.
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when 
 the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to 
 a merger.
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed 
 when the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull 
 snapped.
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for 
 independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the 
 result on September 4.
2013  smiled


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Sorting and moving files to an external drive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 29.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --- Aristotle - or get hostile about it. --- Socratex
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "Guess!" replied the old man
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, I asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kellie Workman, 36, Logan, West Virginia Jailed After Leaving Four Children Alone In House That Had No Phone, Food, Electricity Or Beds Kellie Workman, a 36-year-old West Virginia woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly left her four young children alone to fend for themselves - without a phone, electricity, food or even a bed to sleep in. According to the Logan County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Workman's home after a neighbor became concerned about the welfare of her four children. Deputies arrived at the scene to discover a home that was in deplorable condition. Parts of the house had been torn down, doors unhinged, screens removed and toys were found strung across the yard. When deputies knocked on the door, several children (ages 5 to 13) answered the door. Deputies entered the residence to find a 1-year-old baby who was being cared for by the other children. When deputies asked the children where a parent or guardian was, the children answered that they had asked their mother where she was going, but she replied that it was "none of their business." Deputies soon-after discovered that the home had no electricity, no phone, no food and no beds for the children to sleep on. The home was filled with over-flowing trash cans and the children told police that they found their way around the house by using a flashlight. When asked, the children told deputies that they were frequently left alone at home. Workman was stopped as she arrived back home at about 11:30 p.m.. During a search, deputies found pills in her pocket that are believed to be Xanax and marijuana inside her vehicle. She was booked into the Logan County Jail and charged with four counts of child abuse/risk of injury to a child and two counts of possessing a controlled substance. The children were placed into the custody of Child Protective Services. Tech Support Pits From: Eileen Re: Moving and Sorting files to external drive Dear Webby, I want to sort my mom's chaotic collection of pictures, music and videos onto an external drive. She said it is easy and that you can 'splain that. So, how do I do that? Eileen Dear Eileen First set your search preferences to NOT include Windows system and operating directories. Then make folders on the external drive for JPG GIF Music Movies and open a file explorer showing the external drive. Next do a search for *.JPG It won't be fast, but eventually Windows will show you an explorer like indow withh all thd JPG files. Click on one, gently so as not to opne it, Hold down CTRL and click on A to select all then drag them into the JPG folder on the external drive. Do the same with GIF. Nowadays GIF files are mostly animated short movies. There will be the odd small logos, but it's easy enough to detect and eliminate them because of their small size. Then do the same with music and movies. Keep in mind that CTRL plus dragging copies, SHIFT plus dragging moves, and deletes them from the old location. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Goop as Laundry Stain Remover I bought a hand cleaner found at Walmart in the automotive section called Goop. I decided to try it on a stain one day, on my child's clothes, and it worked. Now I use it all the time. It even works on set in stains. Just wash your item then apply Goop to the stain and work it in. Let it sit 2-3 hours, stubborn stains maybe 3-4 days. Wash again and stains are gone. It's non toxic, and safe for pets and children. By coville123 If you don't see goop, ANY waterless handcleaner will do the same. However, it is extremely important, that you use it, BEFORE drying clothes! This applies to ANY stain removal trick. Drying heat sets the stain and makes it harder to remove. If you use a waterless handcleaner like Goop, just rub it in before you heave the item into the laundry pile. The stain will be totally gone, without leaving a rim. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
World War III. The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: ATTACK OR RETREAT? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

» U.S. Country Fairs

Today, Aug 29, in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
 regulating wagon brake.
1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child 
 labor laws.
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the 
 Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave the 
 island of Hong Kong to Britain.
1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry 
 Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan 
 defeated Dominick McCaffery in six rounds.
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's 
 chef invented chop suey.
1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of 
 France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down 
 the Champs Elysees in Paris.
1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to 
 officially accept the surrender of the Japanese.
1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was 
 used for the first time to treat cancer patients.
1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a 
 filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours 
 and 18 minutes.
1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened.
1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles 
 ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after 
 eight days in space.
1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil 
 War, was retrieved by divers.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview, 
 declared that America could not defeat Iraq.
1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank 
 accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of 
 the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against 
 Mikhail Gorbachev.
1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement 
 to stay in the Soviet Union.
1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to 
 Somalia to guard the shipments of food.
2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to 
 carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 
 miles, more than enough to reach any point in Pakistan.
2013  smiled


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Is C++ safe? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. (Whack) "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out on the sidewalk still does. Watch out, though, she is a wrestling coach!"
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

A boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, probably less than a quarter of them."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to jason Tyrek Rogers, 20, in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Police Make Arrest in the Cold-Blooded, ‘Senseless’ Murder of 99-Year-Old Woman A 20-year-old man in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder and first-degree burglary in the “senseless killing” of a 99-year-old woman. Jason Tyrek Rogers was arrested on Friday at 11 p.m., two days after Police found Fannie Gumbinger, 99, dead in her home on Wednesday morning, according to Detective Lt. Edward Freer of the Poughkeepsie Police Department. Rogers is being held in Dutchess County Jail without bail or bond. Freer declined to provide a potential motive or even the exact cause of death, only saying that the elderly woman died of “multiple injuries.” Rogers is also a suspect in a number of recent burglaries in the area, police said. “Nobody should [live to be] 99 and die this way,” Police Chief Ron Knapp said during a Monday press conference. “It was a truly senseless killing.” Tech Support Pits From: Donny Re: Is C++ OK? Dear Webby, Noticed your advice in today's newsletter and thought I"d better ask. I have several files in my "Programs and Features" folder named 'Microsoft Visual C++" - from 2005 to 2010. I want to know if they are OK or should be uninstalled ?? I am running Windows 7. Thanks, Donny Dear Donny Yes, those are OK. What you got is for Windows. Her virus called for a utility library, that is not normally on a Windows machine. The Utility library would be quite OK, but when something calls for it on a Windows machine, then something is definitely wrong. You probably have the same libray on your machine, under a name, that is specific for a Windows machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Combine Sweetened And Unsweetened Cereal Buy 1 cheaper unsweetened cereal and mix with one presweetened cereal for less sugar and less money. By ptreskovich Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
On a warm summer day, Little Johnny was laying on a hill in the middle of a meadow. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. Then he said out loud, "God? Are you really there?" To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate. He said, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." Johnny said, "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny," God said. Johnny said, "Wow!" then he got an idea. He said, "You are so generous, God. Can I have just one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Nan At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my three-year-old grand-son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"

» Audubon:

Today, Aug 28, in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson.
1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy 
 of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw 
 Protestantism.
1774 The first American-born saint was born in New York City. 
 Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton was canonized in 1975.
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It 
 was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be 
 built in America.
1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout 
 the British Empire.
1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers, 
 Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later 
 changed to "United Parcel Service."
1916 Italy's declaration of war against Germany took effect 
 duringWorld War I.
1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane 
 took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream" 
 speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than 
 200,000 people attended.
1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals 
 at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world 
 record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 
 2 minutes and 7/10ths of a second.
1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed 
 Kuwait City al-Kadhima.
1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase 
 Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion deal.
1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and 
 Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year 
 marriage.
1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order 
 and legal system based on the Koran.
2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person 
 to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, 
 to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 
2013  smiled


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Cutil infectiona 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870)
Thanks to Annette for this: An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
Back by popular demand!
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A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Teri Jo Knee, 28, Bay City, MI Turned A Weekend Jail Stint Into A Five Year Felony Charge Reported by the Weekly Vice Teri Jo Knee, a 28-year-old Michigan woman, has been jailed after she allegedly used her vagina to smuggle drugs into the county jail. According to court records, Knee was sentenced to 60 days in jail last month after she was arrested and charged with domestic battery. Court records indicate Knee was arrested after she reportedly punched her child's father in the face and then clawed his arm bloody after the two had a disagreement. The judge reportedly granted Knee the option of serving her time over the weekends so she could continue to "work." Investigators say Knee was serving a weekend stint in jail when a fellow inmate told staff that Knee had smuggled drugs into the jail and was ingesting them along with two other inmates. Knee and the two fellow inmates were searched and submitted to urine drug tests. The test samples for the two fellow inmates came back clean, however, Knee tested positive for cocaine and benzodiazepines, according to court records. When officers questioned Knee about the results, she reportedly admitted to placing several pills inside her vagina before arriving at the jail to serve her time. Officers conducted a search and found additional pills and the condom Knee used to placed the pills inside her vagina. She was arraigned on a felony charge of bringing contraband into a jail or prison which qualifies her for an additional five year prison term. She is also scheduled to appear in court next month for violating her probation and no longer has the option of weekend jail time. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Cutil infection Hi Dear Webby, I have lost my Adobe Flash Player. Now, when I try to download a new one, it will only download to around 50% when a message appears that I must close the Internet Explorer and Cutil before I can complete the download. I can close Internet Explorer but I am not able to find out what Cutil is or where it is located. Please help. Thank you, Peggy Dear Peggy cutil is a collection of C++ utilities on Linux, but has no business being on a Windows machine. Run a complete McAfee or Kasperski anti-malware scan and get rid of whatever weird stuff has infected your machine. After that you should be able to download Adobe without a problem. Yes, I know, there are alternatives to Adobe, but there is no point in trying to download them into an infected machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. \ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the young accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars." "Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

» Clodhoppers

Today, Aug 27, in
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to 
 his attacks on King Charles II.
1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by 
 the French National Assembly.
1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent 
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina.
1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was 
 published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story 
 was about the peace demands of England and France 
 being met by China.
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in 
 the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA.
1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet.
1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football 
 team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those 
 who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay 
 Packers. (NFL)
1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.
1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of 
 the Japanese government at the end of World War II.
1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December 
 of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the 
 first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet.
1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first 
 bombings from U.S. warplanes.
1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. 
 The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sank in 1956 
 in the waters off of Massachusetts.
1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. 
 A British communications satellite was onboard.
1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion 
 of 36 Iraqi diplomats.
1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared independence.
1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that 
 would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants.
1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed 
 the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon 
 Mir for financial reasons.
2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B 
 "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported 
 that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down."
2013  smiled


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Best File Transfer Program 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 26.

The starting point for the "9-11 Ride to DC" has been set:
Harley-Davidson of Washington, DC

Harley-Davidson of Washington, DC is located in 
Fort Washington, Maryland -just outside of Washington, DC.
9407 Livingston Rd, 
Fort Washington, MD 20744

Easy enough to find on MapQuest.

The exact route from there will probably not be released
by the police until closer to Sept 11.

Due to the number of riders, to complete the run before 
nightfall, the parade run will be at highway speed, and 
will probably go past various points of interest.

The police, of course, is reluctant to nail down an exact 
route, until they have a firm number of patriots 
participating.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "How will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."
During the jury-selection process, the judge asked a prospective juror some questions. "Have you formed any opinion about the guilt or innocence of the man on trial, Mr. Ferguson?" "None whatsoever," Ferguson answered. "Are you opposed to capital punishment?" the judge asked. "Certainly not in this case."
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Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "could you thank her for two pies?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Price, 29, Louisville, KY Jailed After Delivering Baby At Department Store, Tossing Child In Trash Bin Reported by the Weekly Vice Jessica Price, a 29-year-old Kentucky woman, was jailed last Wednesday after she allegedly delivered a healthy newborn baby inside a Kohl's Department store - then threw the child into a bathroom trash can before fleeing the scene. According to Louisville Metro Police, Price delivered a healthy full-term baby inside the women's restroom at the store before tossing the child into the trash bin. Store employees discovered the deceased child and called police. Investigators say the child was pronounced dead when emergency responders arrived at the scene. Evidence at the scene showed that the child's death was a deliberate act, according to the arrest affidavit. During a police interview, Price reportedly admitted to concealing her pregnancy before delivering the infant at the store and disposing of the child's body in a trash bin. She was booked into jail and charged with murder. Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: FTP Dear Webby, What do you use fro uploading files to he net? Is it really necessary, to buy an expensive file transfer program? Considering how sloppy Blogs are, it seems weird that uploading pages would require a $100 program. Sarah Dear Sarah You can use FileZilla. It handles regular and secure (SFTP) modes of file transfer, and is the most widely used FTP program. It is free, and updates are free too. You get it at https://filezilla-project.org You can have profiles set up for hundreds of different sites, and it remembers all the settings for each of them. Filezilla up and downloads multiple files at the same time and uses 100% of your connection. When uploading a big batch of pictures, that makes a huge difference! I have used FileZilla for a number of years, and i don't even remember the names of the expensive programs, that I used before FileZilla. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microfiber to Clean Up Dog Hair Brooms don't do a very good job at picking up dog hair from the floor. I put a microfiber cloth around my broom bristles and secure it with a rubberband. TADA! It picks up the dog hair! By Ramona from Granby, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. They decided not to tell their husbands just yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

» I Can Fix That II

Today, Aug 25, in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius 
 Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta."
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic.
1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the 
 first U.S. public kindergarten.
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against 
 the Spanish government.
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar 
 region to Germany.
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan.
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were 
 shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati 
 Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers.
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the 
 U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic 
 missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union.
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 
 31 and became the first German in space.
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft 
 missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over 
 South Korea.
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left 
 Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that 
 national elections would be held.
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of 
 Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was 
 aimed at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims.
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were 
 investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if 
 they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 
2013  smiled


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CrapCleaner for Cookie control 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 25.

>From Trish in Oz
 I would love to be there to watch the 'march' by the 
muslims and the bikers in fact I'd love to be on one 
of the bikes. When is it and where I'm sure it'll be 
telivised, keep me informed, I'm sure you'll have more 
on it here, I had read about it somewhere lately.
Trish

Dear Trish
If I could afford it, I would be riding a bike 
from here to there, and back.

The 9-11 DC ride is on Sept 11 in Washington, DC, past the 
World Trade Center site, where a bunch of fanatic Muslims 
murdered over 3000 people on 9/11/2001
and where now some Muslims want to protest against being 
discriminated against.

The ride is getting organized. People are asked to contact 
their state HOG (Harley Owners Group) and sign up. 
Each state group will travel as a group and arrive well 
in time to assemble for a precisely coordinated ride-by.

As more news become available, I will post them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Thanks to Annette for this story: A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... BUT you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." A bit later, the officer was still laughing, when he relayed the incident over the radio. A voice interrupted him and told him he better shoot them down quick, they were headed for the "401", the TransCanada. Now the "401" has been renamed the "1" in places, and "Highway Of Heroes" to honor the soldiers, who became fallen heroes in Afhanistan, and whose coffins are brought back on that highway.
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

From Myrna Dear Webby, a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's compensation board letter. Do you still have it? Can you print it again, please? Thanks Myrna Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite, because I remember requests for it, when the Humor Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet. Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Jailed After Assaulting Husband's Testicles Until They Bled Sylvia Yazzie, a 39-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly ripped apart her husband's scrotum. According to police, Yazzie and her husband were involved in an argument Sunday afternoon when she grabbed his testicles and and yanked them. Investigators say Yazzie pulled the victim's testicles with such force, the scrotum tore open and began to bleed. Not quite finished at this point, Yazzie then allegedly jumped on top of her husband and began choking his neck. The victim told police that he felt like he was going to lose consciousness during the attack. Yazzie explained her actions to police by stating that she was an alcoholic (the alcohol did it). Yazzie was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with temporary disfigurement and domestic assault /aggravated assault. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: CC and cookies Dear Webby, I downloaded Crap Cleaner today & did an initial cleaning. After that when I went to my msn page to get to mail I had to sign in again. If I do a daily cleaning will I had to do this every time? I saw a box that said I could run CC at startup. Is this advisable? I looked at the options tab & saw that I could opt to keep some "cookies". Will this make it so I do not have to resign in each time after running CC? Sharon Dear Sharon once upon a time cookies were evil and dangerous. Nowadays, they are your helpers. They facilitate signing in not just to your MSN, but to banks and stores, or to get you back to what you found on a previous search in a store. Personally, I have customized CC to leave my cookies alone. I still have to sign in to PayPal or the bank and a few other places, but I am using RoboForm to help me there. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wet Vac to Unclog Toilet I had a clogged toilet that I could not fix! I tried the dawn soap, an auger, taking off the toilet and snaking the drain, vinegar and baking soda, drain cleaner; nothing worked, until . . . I shut the water off of the toilet (not the main water line), stuck my wet vac in there and boom! Gobs of toilet paper were sucked out, unclogging the brand new toilet I just purchased (American Standard 4). By lanyi1975 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

» Crowds

Today, Aug 24, in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans.
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil.
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine.
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to 
 Calais, France making him the first person to swim the 
 English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours.
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome.
1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany.
1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United States.
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in 
 reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of 
 German residents.
1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the 
 Soviet Union and England controlled Iran.
1944 Romania switched allegiances and declared war on Germany.
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. 
 railroads to avert a strike.
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography 
 (CAT scan) was introduced.
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of 
 Jesus Christ went on display for first time in 45 years.
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about 
 Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet.
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion 
 grain pact.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" 
 that ran the Iranian government.
1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending 
 their eight years of war.
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations 
 to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq 
 after their invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union.
2013  smiled


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Humor: Problems with subscriptions 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. --- Richard M. Nixon
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. "Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides to try it anyway. The next day, the hooligan returns, slams his fist down and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke."
Back by popular demand!
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Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop Jailed After the same thing all over again Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, a 32-year-old Iowa bonehead, has been jailed after he was arrested on felony drug charges. According to police, an officer on patrol pulled Beezow over after watching his minivan weave back and forth between lanes. Officers conducted a search of the minivan and uncovered more than a half-ounce of marijuana. Beezow, whose birth name was Jeffrey Wilschke before he had it legally changed, got a Bonehead Award in January 2012 when he was arrested on similar charges. Beezow was booked into jail and charged with felony possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, possession of drug paraphernalia and operating a motor vehicle without registration. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Can't get the newsletter Dear Webby, I have a problem. I have not been able to receive your daily humor letter. Since your last eye injection, when you did not put out a letter, I have not received a daily letter. My ISP, which has been providing mail service is not in any way filtering the e-mail. You are not spam. I then subscribed using my GMAIL. A confirmation letter came and I responded, still no letter in my G-MAIL. I then unsubscribed from both the G-MAIL and IncrediMail and then subscribed again and received a confirmation from you.. Today I subscribed again and received the message that both my e-addresses were in your database. I can only read your daily letter by putting"Dear Webby" in my search engine. What can I do? Thanks! Hank Dear Hank Two versions, Regular Font and Large Font, have been sent to you every day to ******@andycable.com I don't know what your gmail address is. Check your Spam folder or if you don't see your subscriptions there, the spam folders of your ISP. Once your newsletters are in the andycable.com server, there is nothing more, that I can do about them. With Gmail, you can check your spam folder easily enough, drag stuff out of that into your INbox, and even make a filter to make sure, your newsletters will never be put into spam again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and asked, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man is driving home late one afternoon, and he is driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that you were trying to make her go back to me." "Get outa here!"

» Mountain Meadows

Today, Aug 24, in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 
 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum 
 were buried in volcanic ash.
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized 
 the fall of the Western Roman Empire.
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed.
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French 
 Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 
 people.
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by British forces that 
 set fire to the White House and Capitol.
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
 Swarthout.
1891 Thomas Edison got patents for the kinetoscope and 
 kinetograph
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, 
 NJ, took about 19 hours.
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against any one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all."
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect.
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong 
 was sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator 
 while Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first 
 Japanese-American U.S. representative.
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches 
 becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier.
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific.
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South 
 Africa as racial violence rocked the country.
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people 
 were left stranded.
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune.
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait.
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party.
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations.
1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale.
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for 
 U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998.
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians.
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer.
2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the 
 Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found 
 about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it 
 would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would 
 be known.
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an 
 object qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the 
 three rules because it orbits the sun and is large enough 
 to assume a nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has 
 an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it 
 disqualified Pluto as a planet. 
2013  smiled


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Browser Size 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 23.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The 2 Million Bikes ralley is shaping up!
If you can ride, or drive a support vehicle, contact

A permit from DC is expected this morning, and one from the 
police later on today. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. --- Andy Rooney (1919 - ) "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." --- Robert F. Kennedy
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay. "Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?" The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"
An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old trick for just such an occasion. "Try peeing on it," the Mountie said, "That should thaw it." "Can't," replied the rider. So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP
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In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, even though it was physics, I told him I was a music major. "So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music." "He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version From my friend Lee... Sloans Lake Sunset. Denver Beauty! Cookie
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joscilin Smith, 28, and Aaron Roland, 29, Mesa, AZ Couple Jailed After Scorching 4-Year-Old With Boiling Water, Refusing Medical Care Joscilin Smith, 28, and Aaron Roland, 29, have been jailed after they allegedly scorched their son with a pot of boiling water - then refused to get the boy medical treatment for his severe burns. According to police, Smith and Roland were involved in a heated argument late last month when Smith picked up a pot of boiling water and tried to burn Roland with it. Smith succeeded in burning Roland, however a large amount of the boiling water landed on the couple's 4-year-old son - leaving him with severe burns to his arms, legs and back. The boy also suffered 2nd-degree burns to 8% of his body, according to court documents. Investigators say Roland sought medical treatment for himself the same day, but neither parent wanted to take the child to a hospital, fearing they would be charged with child abuse and possibly lose custody of their seven children. The child's injuries reportedly came to light Friday when an officer dropped by the residence to conduct a welfare check on the boy. Initially, Smith and Roland told the officer that the boy was away visiting relatives. When the officer checked the residence anyway, the boy was found hidden inside a closet. The boy was transported to a local hospital where he was treated for burns that hadn't received medical care for 14 days. Smith was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault and three counts of child abuse. Roland was booked into jail and charged with one count of child abuse. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Browser size my screen opens edge to edge on width but stays open about three inches from the bottom.it’s not a big thing but I loose some of the bottom lines.is there a setting for this besides f11or using the max button? daniel Dear Daniel Most browsers open to the same size, as they were last used. Just hit the top bar, and it should open full size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Her big church wedding was fast approaching, and my friend was delighted to hear that her mom, emerging from a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress. Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her new young stepmother had purchased the same dress. My friend asked her stepmother to buy another dress since her mom had already altered her purchase. Her new stepmother refused. After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, the bride's mom found a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve. When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied, "I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

» Mountain Meadows

Today, Aug 23, in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China.
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by 
 John H. Stedman.
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars.
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war 
 on Germany in World War I.
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression
 treaty.
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion 
 Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would 
 abandon the Axis and join the Allies.
1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during WWII.
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect.
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the 
 U.S. and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite.
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel 
 president. He was assassinated three weeks later.
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling 
 cigarettes to children.
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again.
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been 
 buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week.
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in 
 the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During 
 the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds.
2013  smiled


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Humor: Precise picture positioning in WORD 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 22.


"A million muslims surrounded by 2 million hogs!”
Muslims plan to make a "Million Muslims" march in DC.
Their march is to protest “anti-Islamic bigotry in the U.S.” 
and then turned into a “March Against Fear”.

The motto of the bikers is “To honor those who were killed 
on 911 and our armed forces who fought those who 
precipitated this attack!”

If you can ride, or drive a support vehicle, contact the
organizers of the ride!

All the patriot Riders, that have protected the families of 
fallen heros from the Westboro Perverts, will of course be 
there too.

Even if there are only 1 1/2 million bikes, that is going 
to be an awesome sound!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It's amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower, or vacuum cleaner. Q: What's the difference between a church bell and a politician? A: A church bell peals from the steeple. --- Stan Kegel Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
>From NanaRina A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38 D. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, Says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 bras He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 D bras and asks the Chinese guy, & I quote "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders snd getting yelled at.
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Here is a picture of the mayor wishing Dad a happy 90th birthday Dad's 90th
Thanks to Cookie for this pictur of lightning in her area: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Francis Edwards Jr., 15, Michael Dewayne Jones, 17, and Chancey Allen Luna, 16, all of Duncan, Okla. Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/teens-charg ... z2ceucpUgu Murder just for fun DUNCAN, Okla. -- With a motive that's both chilling and simple -- to break up the boredom of an Oklahoma summer -- three teenagers randomly targeted an Australian collegiate baseball player who was attending school in the U.S. and killed him for fun, prosecutors said as they charged two of the boys with murder. Prosecutor Jason Hicks on Tuesday called the boys "thugs" as he described how Christopher Lane, 22, of Melbourne, was shot once in the back and died along a tree-lined road on Duncan's well-to-do north side. He said the three teens, from the grittier part of town, chose Lane at random and that one of the boys "thinks it's all a joke." Hicks charged Chancey Allen Luna, 16, and James Francis Edwards Jr., 15, with first-degree murder. Under Oklahoma law they will be tried as adults. Michael Dewayne Jones, 17, was charged with using a vehicle in the discharge of a weapon and with accessory to first-degree murder after the fact. He is considered a youthful offender but will be tried in adult court. Jones wept in the courtroom after he tried to speak about the incident but was cut off by the judge who said it wasn't the time to sort out the facts of the case. Jones faces anywhere from two years to life in prison if convicted on the counts he faces. The two younger teens face life in prison without parole if convicted on the murder charge. "I'm appalled," Hicks said after the hearing. "This is not supposed to happen in this community." In court, Hicks said Luna was sitting in the back seat of a car when he pulled the trigger on a .22 calibre revolver and shot Lane once in the back. Hicks said Jones was driving the vehicle and Edwards was in the passenger seat. The two younger boys were held without bail, while bail for Jones was set at $1 million. The mother of the murderer: "I know my son. He is a good kid," she said. Tech Support Pits From: Allen Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD Dear Webby, How can I position a picture with word at the precise place where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it? Thanks Allen Dear Allen That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it can be done quite easily. Click on the picture to make it active. Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap. Select TIGHT. The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else, where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page. Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it. The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around it and match the contours. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"

» Fresh Water Fish

Today, Aug 22, in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's 
 King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth 
 Field. His successor was Henry V II.
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of 
 Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
 Netherlands.
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called 
 Parliament and its soldiers traitors.
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when 
 Captain James Cook landed there.
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state 
 of open rebellion by England's King George III.
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico.
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English 
 coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup.
1865 A patent for liquid soap wwent to William Sheppard.
1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt 
 became first president of the United States to ride in a car
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began 
 to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with 
 horn cabinet, sold for $200.
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea.
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" 
 had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The 
 painting reappeared two years later in Italy.
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during 
 World War II.
1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters perform. 
 It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.
1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne 
 had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy 
 Rockefeller family.
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked 
 to withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games.
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly 
 line in New Stanton, PA.
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the 
 late Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
 nuclear contamination lawsuit.
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy 
 in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam 
 Hussein's demand.
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the 
 summer-long cigarette shortage.
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the collapse 
 of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged the men 
 that had tried to oust him.
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out 
 against foreigners.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended 
 guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
 recipients.
2013  smiled


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Game not working after Windows update 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 21.

>From Rita
Dear Webby,

  Thank you for your help..I backed up all my files and 
ran a full scan with McAfee..I ran the Smart PC fixer and 
it seemed to have fixed the problem..when I rebooted the 
comp..it showed it was checking system in 3 stages in my 
comp. seems to be alright..so hopefully I won’t have this 
problem again..Thank you so much for your help..

Rita

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder, T "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." --- Edmund Burke "Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -- the apathy of human beings." --- Helen Keller "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." --- Albert Einstein
A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to come and see you."
General Joe Whigham is ordered by the Secretary of Defense to gather together a Navy Lieutenant and Captains from the Army, Marine Corps and Air Force to discover why the services have trouble communicating with each other. He begins by saying that their first project task is to "secure" a certain building and asks each of them to go home and prepare a list of steps for the project management plan and bring them to the meeting the next morning. The Navy Lieutenant calls his Master Chief and says, "Tell those swabs to: -- Unplug the coffeepots -- Turn off the computers -- Turn out the lights -- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupied The Army Captain has his list in his note pad: -- Assemble the company -- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard -- Take control of all exits -- Make sure no one gets into the building without a pass The Marine Corps Captain writes down her steps on the palm of her hand: -- Assemble the platoon and supplies -- Approach the building along three axes -- Bring the building under mortar and SAW fire -- Assault the building under covering fire -- Sequester surviving prisoners -- Establish lanes of fire -- Prepare artillery calls -- Repel counterattacks The Air Force Captain types his list into his laptop: -- Contact real estate agent -- Negotiate 1-year lease -- Be sure to get option to buy
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sean Lewis, 45, Daytona, Floriduh Mother calls deputies on son keeping gator in bathtub Reported by Helen A Deltona woman called deputies on her son after he didn't remove a baby alligator he kept in a bathtub in her home, Volusia deputies said. Sarah Boston said she asked her son to get the reptile out of the house, which he said he would do after a few days, but after several days the gator was still in the tub, so she called deputies to take it away, an arrest report shows. Sean Lewis 45, was arrested Monday and charged with alligator poaching. He is in the Volusia County Branch Jail on $2,500 bail, a booking officer said Tuesday. Deputies found the tub set up like an aquarium. It had water and inside the tub were two pieces of cinder block on which the alligator could climb to sun itself. An artificial light served as the sun, deputies said. Lewis told investigators a female friend dropped off the alligator at his place and was supposed to come back for it but did not, reports show. ----------- That'll teach him to obey ma! She is probably not going to bail him out until he gets a haircut. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Game not working after Windows update Webby I have enjoyed your info for numerous years now and have always gotten a quick and helpful reply to any questions or problems i have had in the past. I bought a new computer game a couple of months back and have not had any problems installing it or playing it for months till i had a update last week and it would not(my laptop) would not let me sign in to the game. On the games websites forum page it said that the update was the cause of the problem and to just take the update off the list of updates. The person said that it was a problem with the way the update was written and it would always cause problems...So i went in the update list and changed my setting to let me know when the updates was available and which ones to install... The update number is KB2859537 dealing with security or the laptop i presume...was i told the whole truth and did i do the correct thing in changing my settings and not installing the above mentioned update. Again i anxiously await a reply to help me out with this new problem i am having. Thanks for the smile everyday. Randall Dear Randall The game peddlers lied to you. The updates went out to many Millions of people, without any problems. Windows WITH that update is the current and official Windows. Just your game can't handle it. Microsoft is not going to change Windows because of one game peddler, who can't cope with normal security. You can run without current security and use the game, or you can demand a game update, that can handle standard Windows updates. If enough people complain, they will fix their problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Mugs Into Gift Candles A good way to use old mugs or even punch cups is to set a few cups on a tray, each one containing store bought votives (normally it takes two). Set the tray in the oven on 250 degrees F and let the candles melt. Remove one of the wicks and leave the other one. As the candle begins to cool, straighten the wick up into the center. There you have it. A lovely handmade gift for about a dollar! (Cups can be purchased at thrift shop most often for 25 cents or watch for them at rummage sales!) By melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO Keep in mind that as the wax cools in cups, it often forms cavities, air bubbles. If you don't lance them with a hot nail, then you may have a fire bomb. When hot luid wax runs down into a hot air cavity,it often shoots a geysir of hot wax past the flame, where it ignites. Burning wax spraying around tends to turn a romantic setting into a disaster zone. It doesn't happen every time, but since you only die once, once is quite enough. Always lance the center of candles, stick the wick in then and pour hot wax into the hole made by your hot nail. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day, "you know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "Former President Bush", his boss quickly retorts. "Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Texas" and off they go. There Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." " Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave Texas, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The new Pope", his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time" So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." and he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing just fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and then the Japanese tourist standing next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sitting in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."

» Artistic Edibles

Today, Aug 21, in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took 
 possession of Santa Fe, NM.
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
 in Virginia. He was later executed.
1841 Patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton.
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs.
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed 
 forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their 
 partner.
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska 
 had been the last North American foothold held by the 
 Japanese.
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program 
 that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's 
 Allies during World War II.
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower 
 also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army 
 troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist 
 anti-government protesters.
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the 
 Neptune moon called Triton.
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse 
 was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin.
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. 
 The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost 
 $980 million.
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it 
 had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was 
 potentially contaminated with E. coli. It was the largest 
 food recall in U.S. history.
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the 
 United States.
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf 
 unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended 
 his term in office and granted himself powers that included 
 the right to dissolve parliament.
2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to 
 oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's 
 rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide 
 the country out of 14 years of civil war.
2013  smiled


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Can you send Internet Postcards via fax? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want. --- Clive Barnes Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have-not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's. --- Earl Wilson
Thanks to Sandie, a blonde, who is allowed to tell blonde jokes, for bringing back this classic: A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are, as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs."
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Jamtland N.Sweden
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, 28, Ft Myers, Floriduh Jailed After Giving Herself A Black Eye, Falsely Claiming That She Had Been Kidnapped And Robbed Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, a 28-year-old Florida woman, has been jailed after she allegedly gave herself a black eye before falsely claiming that she had been kidnapped According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched Wednesday after Del Valle told detectives that she had been kidnapped and assaulted before making a death-defying get-away. Del Valle told detectives that she was stopped at a stop sign while driving to a nearby bank when a man and a woman jumped into her vehicle through the passenger side door and put a gun to her head. Del Valle stated that the two suspects forced her to swallow two pills, punched her repeatedly in the face and robbed her of her cash and jewelry. At some point during the supposed kidnapping, Del Valle bravely doused the suspects with pepper spray before fleeing the scene. After telling her husband about the incident, Del Valle went to a local hospital where she was treated for her injuries. During the investigation, however, detectives noted several inconsistencies with Del Valle's statements. Forensic evidence taken from the vehicle and a bank deposit slip showing that Del Valle had already been to the bank at the time of the alleged assault, gave detectives an opportunity to challenge Del Valle's statements. Detectives also found the jewelry Del Valle claimed had been stolen inside her vehicle. Del Valle eventually admitted to making the entire story up, stating that she didn't expect her husband to report the incident. She also admitted to staging the crime scene and giving herself a black eye to make her story more believable. Del Valle was booked into the Lee County Jail and charged with making a false report. Tech Support Pits From: Pattij Re: Send postcards via fax Dear Webby, Good Afternoon.... I have an older cousin who is a Mennonite and uses faxes for her correspondence. She does not own or use a computer and does very little writing because of arthritis. Is it possible to choose one of your cards and have it delivered via a fax rather than an e/mail? Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.... pj vickery Dear Pattij Just send the card to yourself, and print it to fax. If you have Winfax enabled for sending and receiving faxes, then you can fax it to her without wasting paper. When Winfax is enabled, "FAX" shows up as a choice of printers, when you print something. Choose that. It will then ask you for the fax number of the recipient, and give you the option of starting an address book. You can even add a subject and then hit SEND. When it is all done, it will tell you, that the fax has been sent successfully. Except for newer computers, a socket for plugging in a phone line is standard. With newer ones, you have to buy an external network card with a phone socket, so that you can use dial-up and fax. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Convert Tank Tops Into Bags Take an old child's shirt, preferably with spaghetti straps. Turn it inside out and sew the bottom of the shirt. Turn it right way and you're done. Great for small games and books. We also use them in the summer for each child's swimsuit and towel. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Fran for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand- some young man I married." "Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

» Thousand Islands

Today, Aug 20, in
1641 Scotland and Britain signed Treaty of Pacification.
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Bering discovered Alaska.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow.
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during WWI.
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive 
 during World War I.
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II.
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they 
 had detonated a hydrogen bomb.
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were 
 killed in anti-French rioting.
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" 
 iberalization.
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The 
 spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph 
 record containing greetings in dozens of languages, 
 samples of music and sounds of nature.
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. 
 Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
1991 A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside 
 the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that 
 removed Gorbachev from power.
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean 
 island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of 
 the Soufriere Hills.
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could 
 not secede without the federal government's consent.
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in 
 Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets 
 were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their 
 connection with Osama bin Laden.
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions 
 against Iraq for blocking arms inspections.
2013  smiled


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The Missing Link 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. --- Alice Thomas Ellis
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary." Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, OK. Then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Thanks to Cynn for her picture: Click on the picture for the large version This was the view one morning on my way to work across Halifax Harbour on the ferry. Cynn
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Johnnie Gooden Jr, 29, Bryan, TX Jailed After Telling Bank Teller That he Was Obama's Adoptive Son, Demanding Access To Bank Account Reported by The Weekly Vice Johnnie Gooden Jr., a 29-year-old Texas bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly walked into an area bank, claimed that he was President Obama's adoptive son, and demanded access to Michelle Obama's account. According to police, Gooden walked into a College Station bank and reportedly told the teller that Mr. and Mrs. Obama had recently adopted him into their family. Gooden then went on to say that Michelle Obama contacted him over Facebook and told him that they wanted to adopt him. Investigators say Gooden then demanded access to Michelle Obama's account. When the teller told Gooden that Mr. and Mrs. Obama did not have an account with them, Gooden refused to leave until his access to the account was granted. When an officer arrived at the bank a short time later, Gooden suddenly stopped talking. The officer conducted an i.d. check on Gooden and arrested him after learning that he had outstanding warrants for resisting arrest and assault on a public servant. During a pat down search at the scene, Gooden was found to be in possession of two bags of marijuana. He was booked into jail and charged with possession of marijuana in addition to the two warrants. Someone needs to tell him in which direction entitlement works. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer? Dear Webby, Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer, the program you mentioned in the Sunday issue?? Ron Dear Ron Sorry about not making it clickable: Here it is: SmartPCFixer Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Line Cupboards with Vinyl Tiles Use peel and stick vinyl tiles to line your kitchen cupboards. They are inexpensive and wipe clean so easily. By Connie J. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>From Dianne During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you Determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Nursing Home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the Bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you Want a bed near the window?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away. Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials. "Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled. "We've got 'em on the run now."

» Roadsworth, A Street Artist

Today, Aug 19, in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle 
 against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia.
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by 
 the New York Herald.
1856 The process of processing condensed milk was patented 
 by Gail Borden.
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred 
 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain.
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made 
 its debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and 
 Charles Correll.
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive 
 power in Germany as Fuehrer.
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration 
 awarded honorary license #1 to Orville Wright.
1942 About 6,000 Canadian soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They 
 suffered about 50 percent casualties.
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was 
 convicted of espionage in Moscow.
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's 
 orbit by the Soviet Union.
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, 
 U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded 
 by a bullet while in the American embassy.
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy 
 F-14 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra.
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev had been removed from power. 
 Gorbachev returned to power two days later.
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue 
 of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to 
 demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President 
 Slobodan Milosevic.
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock 
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the 
day at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2013  smiled


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File system problem on HP laptop 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 18.

Thank you, Donnie!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) Like Al Gore's "Consensus of grant seekers" substituting for verifyable science. Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be much lower." My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!! ...........I tell you, I just messed my pants." The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version After the thunderstorm
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Walter Gafvert, 48, Santa Cruz, California Bonehead caught downloading child porn at police station Reported by Cookie A man arrested on child porn charges was caught downloading even more pornography at the police station. Walter Gafvert, 48, was arrested Wednesday after Santa Cruz police found thousands of illegal images at his home. Police say when they brought him in for questioning they actually caught him downloading more illegal porn onto his smartphone at the police station. Detectives are working to identify those images. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Disk problem on HP Dear Webby, I have a HP laptop with W7..the other day I rebooted my comp..and when it came back on a message came up telling me that it was checking file system file C file is NTFS..one of the discs has to be checked for consistency.. I have no idea what any of that means..After about 1 ½ hrs.. I shut it off and turned it back on with the same message.. so I kept clicking keys and finally got my desktop to come up.. so the next morning my comp. had nothing but a black screen.. I turned it off and back on with the same message..let it run for over an hr. thinking maybe it might run it’s course.. just seemed like it had frozen up..so clicked again and finally my desktop came back on..I haven’t turned my comp off since them..that was 2 days ago..could I have a corrupted hard drive or could the hard drive be going bad? Laptop is 3 years old..any help would be greatly appreciated…. Have a great day. Rita Dear Rita Before you do anything else, back up all your data onto a separate drive or CDs or upload it onto the net. With data, I mean pictures, documents, spreadsheets, email, any stuff you produced or received. Also back up all program registration codes, in case you have to re-install them. After that, once your data is safe, run a reputable virus scan, like McAfee or Kasperski, not one of the freebie ones, that are not good enough to sell for money, and that you probably already have. Then run SmartPCFixer Hopefully that will straighten out the damaged file system. If it doesn't, you may have to format and re-install Windows. You can try calling HP support, however, it is apparently extremely difficult to get any useful help from them. Try those steps for now, and let me know how it worked out. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Lemon Wedges in the Freezer I wash and dry fresh lemons. Cut them into wedges and de-seed them. Toss them into a freezer proof bag or container. Whenever I need a lemon in my drink, I add the frozen wedges. No need to thaw, use them frozen. If you need lemon for cooking/baking, take the wedges out of freezer and let thaw a bit. By Laura from PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?" "I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 18, in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died.
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
 American soil of English parents. The colony that is now 
 Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished.
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured 
 Santa Fe, NM.
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I.
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed 
 in Chicago IL.
1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all 
 American women to vote.
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects 
 the U.S. and Canada.
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against possible enemy attacks during World War II.
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S.
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker.
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President 
 Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. 
 Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for 
 three days while vacationing in Crimea.
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia 
 Military Institute's 158-year history.
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would 
 acquire the Great American Cookie Co.
2013  smiled


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Icons too small after W7 update 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 17.

Thank you, Donnie!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition." --- John Eliot
Two rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came to an overpass. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $5." "That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked." "Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder He walked."
Thanks to ChuckE Click on the picture for the large version I hope you can see this picture I thought I'd send you in case you're looking for something to stick in a newsletter. I shot this this summer when I visited the 1000 Islands. It's been a cool summer up there, but the sunsets are still just as beautiful as always. ChuckE
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, Chicago, Illinois Robbers Told By Restaurant Owner He is Busy Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez walked into the busy Chicago Clifton Grill restaurant and flashed what appeared to be a gun. The owner out of concern for his customers told the robbers he was busy and for them to come back in an hour. When they left, he called police who responded and waited for the robbers to return. Both were arrested when they returned an hour later. The gun Garcia-Hernandez was carrying turned out to be a replica MAC-10 shaped water squirt gun. The report did not state, whether it was loaded or not. Tech Support Pits From: Kara Re: Icons too small after update Dear Webby Ever since the last Windows 7 update, the icons are way too small. I can't find any instructions in Help or on the net on how to restore them to a legible size. Can you please help me? Kara Dear Kara Have you ecer noticed this little picture? Click on the desktop Hold down the CTRL key, and roll the mouse scroll wheel away from you. Gently! A quarter turn of the mouse wheel is probably too much. Just turn the wheel back and forth until the icons are in a comfortable size, then let go of the CTRL key. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Gift Bags Give the kids a stack of brown paper lunch bags to decorate. Use them for small gifts. Add a ribbon tie, a raffia bow or staple shut and add a stick-on bow and you're good to go! By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten lost in the school library. No one was surprised, since the library is large and has a confusing layout. When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she admitted she hadn't actually found the exit herself. She'd used an emergency phone to call for help. Puzzled, I asked, "How did your rescuers find you if you didn't know where you were?" "Easy," she said. "I started reading titles of books around me, and they located my position from the card catalogue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ed During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining about your room number."

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 13, in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City.
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at 
 the island of St. Helena.
1835 Solyman Merrick patented the wrench.
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles.
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War.
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in Alaska.
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia 
 University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name.
1915 Charles F. Kettering patented the electric automobile
 starter.
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina.
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their 
 independence from the Netherlands.
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall.
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that 
 in one day the number of orders for flowers to be 
 delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any 
 other event in the company's history.
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became 
 the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended 
 in Miserey, France.
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that 
 granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who 
 had arrived in the United States before 1977.
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved 
 with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter 
 of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion.
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.
1998 Russia devalued the ruble.
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened 
 to the public. 
2013  smiled


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Printing on both sides od paper 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 13.

Today I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 
And no emails will be answered on those days.
If you have an emergency, please write to Ophelia 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784),
>From Moe One brave doctor During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! Don't remove your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Click on the picture for the large version Somebody heard a can opener!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Wood, 27, of Larose, Louisiana Drunk in court, with kids It's never a good idea to show up drunk to court. It's an even worse idea to bring your kids along for the show. Jessica Wood, a Louisiana woman, decided she'd show up drunk -- and with two children in tow -- to fight charges of driving under suspension, no insurance and failure to secure registration in Lafourche Parish court Aug. 7, according to NBC 33 TV. The judge had Wood arrested for contempt of court after she delivered several profanities with slurred speech while addressing him, and then failed to remain silent at his instruction. The judge entered a plea of not guilty to the traffic charges on Wood's behalf, the Associated Press reported. Tests later revealed Wood's blood alcohol concentration was .271 percent. The threshold for intoxication in Louisiana is .08 percent. A BAC of .3 is considered lethal in some jurisdictions, although that hasn't stopped some people from living to tell about it. Wood temporarily lost custody of her two children due to the incident, and will spend 150 days in jail. She may face additional charges of child endangerment. A pretrial hearing on the traffic charges of failure to secure registration, driving under suspension and no insurance was set for Nov. 12. Tech Support Pits From: Harold Re: Double Sided Printing Dear Webby I have a Brother MFC multifunction printer. It's a great printer, but unfortunately prints on only one side. To print the back side, it's a tedious shuffle to get the papers in the right order so that the page numbering does not get out of sequence. Is there a trick to that? Harold Dear Harold The trick is to click on the ClickBook link in the left side menu, or to go to http://webby.com/clickbook and get Clickbook. It does all the shuffling for you. Whenever I buy an e-book or a lengthy report, I hit CTRL P to print, Select ClickBook as the printer, select "4 pages per sheet Booklet" from the 170 different formats that are available, and let it rip. When the printer stops spitting pages, I drop the entire printed stack, as is, into the paper feed tray. No turning, no flipping, just drop the whole stack. Then it prints the back sides. When the printer is finished with the back sides, I fold the stack in half and shoot some staples through the spine. That way, a 200 page e-book prints on 50 sheets of paper, all pages in perfect sequence and numbering. I have used it for years and it has never messed up a single print job. Whenever something to be printed is more than a single page, I use ClickBook. That little program cuts my paper and ink and printer replacement cost to 1/4 of what it would otherwise be. It's also perfect for reading while traveling. Instead of loose, full size sheets, you have your reading material in compact paperback book size, that is a lot less hassle on a plane. For MapQuest driving directions I select the 4 pages/sheet flip-down format like Ralley maps. That makes quite a difference in fast traffic in a strange city. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Spices and Extract to Deodorize Your Microwave To get rid of the awful lingering smell of burnt microwave popcorn, fill a large microwave-safe bowl with one cup of water and sprinkle your favorite spice like cinnamon or add several drops of vanilla or lemon extract. Bring to a boil. Let it sit inside for 10 to 15 minutes to cool down. Simply wipe the walls down with paper towels. Leave the door open to further air it out. By Rachel's Mom Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and said that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 13, in
1521 - Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish 
 conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians.
1704 - The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War 
 of the Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for 
 English and Austrian forces.
1792 - French revolutionaries took the entire French 
 royal family and imprisoned them.
1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time 
 in Los Angeles, CA.
1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii 
 was ratified.
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued 
 to William Gray.
1907 The first taxicab started on the streets of 
 New York City.
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to 
 St. Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA.
1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was 
 dedicated in Elk City, OK.
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of 
 vice-chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to 
 hold out "for all or nothing."
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut 
 in newspapers.
1935 The first roller derby match was held at the 
 Coliseum in Chicago, IL.
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million 
 Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first 
 two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place.
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt 
 the flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin 
 Wall began.
1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold 
 Schwarzenagger was announced.
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, 
 and other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad.
1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his 
 three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993.
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce 
 the risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon 
 cancer. 
2013  smiled


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File Transfer cable 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 12.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!


Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. --- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Thanks to Cookie for this picture by her sister-in-law Pam: Click on the picture for the large version Virginia sunset
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rebecca Simmons, 45, Riverview, Floriduh Stabbing McDonald's Customer In The Buttocks The commotion began when Rebecca Simmons, 45, reportedly attempted to cut ahead of Mohammad Abukhder, 35, as they were starting their Wednesday morning with a McDonald's breakfast in Riverview, Fla., WTSP reports. Abukhder complained, causing Simmons to exit her car holding a small knife and puncture the hood of Abukhder's 2000 Honda Civic, according to ABC Action News. Then, as Abukhder tried to grab Simmons' keys so she could not leave, she allegedly stabbed him in the right buttocks. Abukhder suffered a small puncture and did not require medical attention. Simmons was arrested and brought to the Orient Road Jail on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief with property damage, according to the Tampa Tribune. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Subject: How to transfer files to new machine Dear Webby I bought the Belkin Easy transfer cable from ebay. Here is one listed for $4.99 http://www.ebay.com/itm/belkin-easy-tra ... 33845a7d76 The cable is also available from many big box stores including Wal Mart. The cost there is somewhat higher. Just plug the cable in to your old machine, and your new one and let it work. All files and program settings will be transferred over including your email settings As the old machine is XP, you will need to install the transfer program on the CD included with the cables. If you are transferring to a XP machine, you will need to install on both machines. Having purchased the cable, I am now in demand among friends and acquaintances to help them. I get numerous free meals out of the bargain! Neil Dear Neil In the 80's and early 90's I used to use the LapLink Cables and disk for that. I still have the blue and the yellow cable, but have long lost the floppy with the program. Most likely that Belking Transfer Cable is a modern improvement of the old LapLink cables, and worth checking out! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee Filter to Hold Snacks Cone shaped filters can be used for small snacks like dry cereal, goldfish crackers, and pretzels. Have children decorate with crayons or markers as they wait for their perfectly portioned snack. Coffee filters are much cheaper than paper cups or bowls, and they're environmentally friendly. My kids always think of creative ways to use them after snack too. By lessisbest from Wilmington, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What My Mother Taught Me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean Underwear, in case you're in an accident." IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" CONTORTIONISM: "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!" STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sam and James were very good friends. One day Sam came over to James's house to visit, but when he entered the home, James wasn't there. James's wife was holding their baby and trying to put up curtains at the same time. She said, "Sam, I'm glad you came, would you mind holding the baby while I finish the curtains? He's in a eally restless mood!" So Sam did his best trying to keep the baby from wrestling out of his arms. A few minutes later, James came in and said to Sam, "How ya doin, Sam?" Sam replied, "I'm holding my own". That's when the battle started.

» No Aphids Here

Today, Aug 12, in
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of 
 Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and 
 the Europeans lasted for two years.
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed 
 sewing machine.
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery 
 by Joseph Lister.
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first 
 sound recording.
1898 Hawaii was annexed by the U.S. Hawaii was later given 
 territorial status and was given Statehood in 1959.
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of 
 the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and 
 the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed.
1915 "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was 
 first published.
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy 
 Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over 
 the Rainbow."
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb.
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. 
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications 
 satellite.
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. 
 Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, 
 both landed on August 15.
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo 
 flight test.
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC.
1985 A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain 
 killing 520 people.
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new 
 rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in 
 an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to 
 have been responsible for the Challenger disaster.
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North 
 American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 
 14 months of negotiations.
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air 
 traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike 
 in 1981.
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution 
to World War II Holocaust victims.
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her 
 feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target 
 that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 
2013  smiled


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Transfer files to new machine 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 11.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!


On Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. --- Roger Allen There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. --- Benjamin Spock
You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: * The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. * People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. * The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up. * Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. * Baptism is referred to as "branding". * There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. * High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. * People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip while lifting a beer keg. * The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. * The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard. * The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. * The final "Amen" is drowned out by all the 4x4's in the parking lot starting up.
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," Morris replied. "Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum. "But it's only $500," Morris insisted. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sunset on Vancouver Island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Desiree Romero, 28, Florence, Arizona Charged With Eating Drugs From Vagina During Jail Search Reported by The Weekly Vice Desiree Romero, a 28-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Thursday after she was caught eating drugs from her vagina while she was being incarcerated on drug charges. According to the Pinal County Sheriff's Office, Romero and 26-year-old Thomas Duke were traveling on Interstate 10 Thursday evening when a deputy stopped a minivan they were traveling in for a traffic violation. The officer noted a large sign covering the van's back window as he pulled in behind it, which prompted a search of the vehicle. Officers recovered 14 large bundles of marijuana from the van at an estimated street value of $272,000. During the search, officers also recovered a vial of meth from Romero's purse. Romero denied having any other drugs located on her person as deputies arrested her and transported her to jail. During the booking process, Romero was asked to submit to a second search. That's when she allegedly retrieved about a gram of marijuana and meth from her vagina and attempted to swallow them. Detention officers were able to grab the drugs out of Romero's mouth before they were ingested. Romero and Duke were booked into the Pinal County Detention Center and charged with possession of marijuana with intent to sell, transportation of marijuana and marijuana possession. Romero was also charged with possession of a dangerous drug, possession of drug paraphernalia and promoting prison contraband. Duke is currently on parole for forgery and identity theft. Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Transfer data from old to new machine Dear Webby My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with Windows 7. Can you recommend a product or method to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is running Windows XP. I understand I need to manually install the application software that she needs. Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day. Regards Mark Dear Mark Since you plan to r-install all programs, why not just format the hard drive, and re-install everything? She is NOT going to like W7, and demand that anyway. After you format and re-install XP, it will be as fast as it was when you originally bought the machine. You could insert a new hard drive, that is no big deal. Then set that one as the main drive, and the old drive as the second drive. You simply move the little jumper on the drive from Master to Slave. Usually there is a little diagram for that right on the drive. Then you can copy what you need from the old drive, as if it was just a different folder. If you decide to get a W7 machine, and incur her wrath, you can do a similar trick. Get a USB remote drive enclosure for the hard drive from the old machine, and plug it into a USB port. It will appear just like a second drive inside the machine, and you can copy from it as easily as if it was just a different folder. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Bag For the Car I have been able to keep my car cleaned up, by hanging a plastic grocery bag on the back of the front passenger seat with a velcro cord holder. (This is a nylon web with velcro on the ends. I was able to find 10/$1 at the Dollar Store.) I put the holder around the metal head rest post and attach the grocery bag. It is easy and safe to get to while I am driving, and it is out of the way. MUCH better than throwing trash on the floor! By dcnfamily from Reno, NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good old family brawl. He rapped on the door with his night stick and the door was opened by a very determined and disheveled woman. "Who's head of the family here?" "You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're trying to settle inside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes in the neighborhood. He knocked on one door, and a little 4-year-old boy opened it. When he saw the priest, he called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

» Tribal Fusion

Today, Aug 11, in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV.
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry 
 S. Parmelee.
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos.
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric 
 light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of 
 Cape Hatteras, NC.
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time.
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced 
 "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany 
 wins the war."
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender.
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh.
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight, the third Russian to go into space.
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the 
 microphone, the President said, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation 
 that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in 
 five minutes."
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudia Arabia to help protect against a possible Iraqi 
 attack.
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. 
 It was the largest shopping mall in the United States.
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 
 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of 
 the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the 
 line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three 
 items in spending and tax bills.
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies 
 with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the 
 largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company.
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile 
 after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah.
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong 
 peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2013  smiled


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Way around W7's lack of backward compatibility 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 10.

National Security Agency director General Keith Alexander
says his agency is working to prevent future leaks by 
replacing the majority of its system administrators, 
—the position Edward Snowden held—, with machines. 

The system administrators are not impressed.
The hacker world, though, is rejoycing. They will get
updates a lot quicker.

By the way, on Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wdnesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House. The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program Works Bigtime. Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that pen with my laptop and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Falcon Nest (Ford Falcon)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashton Powers, 24, Tempe, Arizona Jailed for Slashing Police Car Tire While Officer Was Sitting In Car Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashton Powers, a 24-year-old Arizona bonehead, was jailed last Tuesday after he slashed the tire of a police cruiser while an officer was still sitting inside the vehicle. According to Tempe Police, an officer was pulled over at the corner of 7th street and Mill Ave finishing up a police report when he suddenly felt a jolt to his patrol car. The jolt, followed by a strange sound, prompted the officer to step outside the vehicle to see what the problem was. The officer saw that his rear passenger tire had been slashed and noticed a man walking away from the scene with a knife in his hand. The officer caught up to the man, identified as Ashton Powers, and questioned him about his behavior. That's when Powers admitted to slashing the tire, explaining that he didn't see anyone inside the vehicle. Investigators aren't sure why Powers attacked the vehicle, since it was a fully marked police car with the engine running and an officer sitting inside it. Powers was booked into jail and charged with criminal damage to property. More charges may follow. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: PDF files attached won't open in W7 Dear Webby When somebody sends me an email with a PDF attachment, it won't open in Blonde Windoze. I even installed Nitro, like you once recommended. It can't find it. I use Eudora. What is going on? Frank Dear Frank Some moronic Asshole at Microsoft decided to put a hole into "ProgramFiles" and call it "Program Files", for the sole purpose of being a moronic Asshole, and to make Blonde Windows NOT backward compatible. Luckily the geniuses, who created Euroda 25 years ago, foresaw that and provided a safe detour. Create a new attachment directory, for example C:\!att (The exclamation mark will ensure, that it shows at the top in an alphabetical search.) Then in Eudora, click on Tools, Options, and scoot down to Attachments. Click on the button for Attachment Directory. Change that from the sick Shit-fer-brains location with a space in the directory name to C:\!att. You could actually let Eudora make you a directory, but in case some other programs won't help you there, I'll show you the safe route. After that, Eudora will put all newly arriving attachments into C:\!att, and Nitro or whatever you use to open attachments, will be able to find and open them. Now go to the moronic location, and drag all the old attachments over to the new location. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Oven To clean your oven, spray with oven cleaner at night (I use Easy Off lemon scent). The next day, use a wet sponge to wipe off the oven. Use gloves and a bucket of water, as you'll have to keep washing the sponge. It makes oven cleaning much easier. By Thriftygirl from Boston, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit." -------------- She sure would not even try that in Wyoming, with the mandatory RFID dog-chip implanted in her butt! As soon as she steps up to the receptionist's counter, her ID and entire medical history will show on the receptionist's computer. Payment history and criminal record too. And of course her driving record and credit rating! Actually, the chip does not have all that info. It just carries the ACCESS KEY to all that. The data can be updated even while the chip carrier is hiding in Africa. Naturally airport security and police use the same dog-chip scanners. That was actually Obama's main argument in favor of chipping all the sheeple. I have a hunch Montana will threaten to secede and join Canada, rather than have all Montanans wear dog chips.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.

» 3D Art on Machines:

Today, Aug 10, in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
 the French Revolution. He was executed the following 
 January after being put on trial for treason.
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain.
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S. 
 Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by 
 $500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson.
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed.
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown.
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical 
 Exhibition.
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, 
 was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia.
1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio.
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual 
faces of the presidents were dedicated later.
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance 
 on Guam.
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, 
 Japan announced they would surrender. The only condition 
 was that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged.
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He 
 set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours 
 and 5 minutes.
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided 
 $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned 
 by the U.S. government during World War II.
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity 
 when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the 
 time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula 
 Corbin Jones.
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme 
 Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she 
 had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue.
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter 
 jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people 
 were killed.
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko 
 were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles above the earth 
 in the international space station. It was the first-ever 
 marriage from space. 
2013  smiled


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Cicero 55BC 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The muffler on my car was sounding more sporty by the day,
so I had to bust both piggy banks and get a new one. 
On the way back there was a sudden rain squall and really
wicked gusts of wind. When the car ahead of me was blown
into the greenery on the right and cam shooting back across 
my lane and into oncoming lane of traffic. From there he 
was blown back and into the greenery to the right again.

I stomped on the brakes to avoid hitting him, if he made 
it back into my lane. However, he stayed in the greenery, 
presumaby to change his underwear.

I got bounced around for about a quarter mile, but since 
all trafic had stopped, that was no problem. Driving felt 
more like being on a sailboat in a hurricane than in a 
car on the highway. After about quarter mile it settled 
down to just stormy gusts and the downpour stopped. 

Then the whole thing started all over again, this time
the gusts slugging from the passenger side.

I made it through that sillyness in about a quarter mile.
It might have been the beginnings of a tornado. They had
forecast tornadoes in the area. 

Changing the muffler should be no big deal, I figured. 
Yeah, right.
I had left my deep sockets and the Air Impact Driver in the
Yukon, when I moved South. Didn't think I would need them.
Well, there is no other way to remove the rusted nuts on
the muffler clamps. So I phoned around for the lowest price
and earliest possible spot at any auto mechanic in the 
area. 

After trying for a minute with the big air impact driver,
they wound up grinding off the muffler clamp. No wonder I 
could not undo the nuts by hand. The rest was easy, but
time consuming, because the mechanic had to frequently 
stop and work on other vehicles. They probably do that only
when the car owner is watching. That way they did manage to
drag it out to about an hour. That put me $130 deeper into 
debt, but the sporty sound was gone and no longer 
attracting the attention of the cops.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back." --- Earl Wilson "THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT. PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD OF LIVING ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE". --- CICERO, 55 BC "A lot of friction is caused by half the drivers trying to go fast enough to thrill their girlfriends and the other half trying to go slow enough to placate their wives"
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program Works Bigtime. Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!



Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristal Sharmayne Conley, 22, Waco, Texas Jailed After assaulting Washing Machine and Police Officers Reported by The Weekly Vice Kristal Sharmayne Conley, a 22-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly brawled with a washing machine, then attacked officers who came to arrest her for it. According to police, Conley was washing clothes at a Waco area laundromat Friday evening when she became angry and punched the glass out of one of the washing machines there. Officers were called to the scene as Conley attacked a second washing machine at the facility. When officers arrived to rescue the machine, Conley reportedly spat on one officer and attempted to strike a second officer. She was booked into the McLennan County Jail and charged with criminal mischief, assault on a peace office and attempted assault on a peace officer. She remains held in lieu of $21,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: Better download for CrapCleaner Dear Webby When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy download without a lot of greedy fuss? Julia Dear Julia CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they allow download sites like FileHippo provide download locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their advertising that they put in your path when you try to get your download. Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big, powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer cost, don't try it. Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to restrict access to the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tiny Changes To Save Electricity The recent essays on saving money on fuel bills in small ways got me thinking. I was getting annoyed with myself because I was wasting so much power boiling and reboiling my electric kettle. I kept forgetting to only heat as much water as I needed and left the coffee maker heating ring on all day. Realizing that there must be an answer to all this waste, I made these changes to my daily routines to save some electricity and some of my precious cash! I found a 5 pint pump action vacuum flask on sale for $2, a fantastic bargain, but they can be picked up for around $10. I boil the electric kettle twice in the morning, fill the flask and have hot water for tea on tap all day. If there is anything left come the evening, I use it for cooking or dish washing. The answer to the coffee problem was far more simple, I make the coffee, turn off the machine, then microwave it a cup at a time as I need it. It tastes better and saves me money too. Such tiny changes in our ways of doing things may seem insignificant on a daily basis, but they can add up to make a difference at the end of the month when we open the bills. By Ayesha from Kranj You can pre-heat the water with the sun. Pick up a 5 gallon club size coffee percolator at a garage sale or even new. They are cheap. Paint one side flat black with BBQ spray paint. Cover the back side and bottom with thin packaging foam. Then place it on a Southern or Western window or balcony. Fill it with cold water, so as not to run up your electrical bill (Hot water tank is the worst consumer!), and let the sun heat it up. It won't be hot enough for coffee, unless you are in a Southern state, but then you'd be drinking ice tea or sun tea anyway. However, it will be fairly hot and your kettle or microwave has to just top it off for a bit. The bulk of the heating has already been taken care of. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"

» Amazing Tree Houses

Today, Aug 9, in
1678 American Indians sold the Bronx to Jonas Bronck for 400 beads.
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-year voyage. 
 It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world.
1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between 
 Schenectady and Albany, NY.
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau.
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames.
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph.
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine.
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created 
 by Max Fleischer.
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics. 
 He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics.
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council 
 created "Smokey the Bear."
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing 
 came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 
 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14.
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in 
 Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the 
 Malaysian Federation.
1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. 
 Gerald R. Ford took his place
1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the 
 Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The 
 new Superdome cost $163 million to build.
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade 
 was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings.
1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the 
 second time.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time 
 in 17 months.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support 
 federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic 
 stem cells.
2004 Trump Hotel and Casion Resorts announced plans to file 
 for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
2013  smiled


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Better download for CrapCleaner 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 8.

Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running on/off hunger 
strike. 

The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running hunger strike. 
The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Nothing but the very best for Obama's buddies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. "
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $1.2 Million for the motel."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rhonney Jacobs, 43, Norfolk, Virginia Road-raging bonehead jailed for shooting himself in the groin Residents of a neighborhood in Virginia say that an angry driver mistakenly shot himself in the groin after they flagged him down for speeding around children. Neighbors in a Norfolk community told WTKR that they never thought that asking 43-year-old Rhonney Jacobs to slow down would escalate into a shooting. “My friends were standing right there in the yard and the guy came flying by and they were like ‘slow down, there’s kids’ and the guy did a U-turn and pulled over,” Ashley Summerson recalled. Witnesses said that Jacobs got out of his car and started waiving around a gun, and pushing and shoving, and then it went off. “Jacobs pulled his gun out trying to shoot one of them but he shot himself,” Summerson explained. “He was holding his groin and there was blood everywhere,” witness Zach Watson added. WTKR reported that the children were only feet away from where the gun went off. “I’m just happy none of the kids got hurt,” Watson said. “I’d rather get shot than one of these kids.” Jacobs was charged with discharging a firearm and brandishing a firearm, Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: Better download for CrapCleaner Dear Webby When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy download without a lot of greedy fuss? Julia Dear Julia CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they allow download sites like FileHippo provide download locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their advertising that they put in your path when you try to get your download. Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big, powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer cost, don't try it. Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to restrict access to the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Small Bottle I had an old glass Bo Peep Ammonia bottle. I was thrilled with it, because I love anything vintage. However, it had a very small mouth. The idea to clean it, was to use a small piece of a shim, cut lengthwise (make sure you cut a piece as small as the mouth of the bottle). You could use a wire if you have one, but it needs to be strong, not a bendable one. Then I put a baby bottle nipple brush on the end, and taped it on the "stick." It worked like a charm! Of course, you need to make a cleaning solution to dip the brush in to clean. You might actually have a piece of a shim stick in your house, so look before you go buy! :) By Kathy54 from Cincinnati, OH Here is the traditional method: Wrap the bottle with masking tape to protect it from breakage and to protect the label. Use some paper creased into V shape to fill it about 1/4 full with dried coffee grounds. Use a butter baster syringe to fill the bottle about 1/2 to 2/3 full with hot dish water. Put your thumb onto the opening and shake it vigorously for a minute. Let it stand a few minutes, shake it again. Drain it and fill it with clean rinse water and let it drain. That method of course works with larger bottles too and is my favorite method for cleaning out my big thermos. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Here is a delightful Classic: Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautifulmink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500." "Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000!" "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking now?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover he down payment..." "Well, then go ahead and buy it, if you can sign today, but just bid $420,000, OK?" "Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border ...when he saw a large sign, , , , "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.65 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The attendant replied, " $3.10 ".

» Amazing Tree Houses

Today, Aug 8, in
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from 
 Aquitaine.
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the 
 South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there 
 in exile.
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith, Bringham Young was 
 chosen to lead the Mormons.
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
 mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils 
 for printing."
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall.
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain.
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war 
 on Japan.
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated mutual security pact
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons, largest oil tanker in the world.
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install 
 an artificial heart pump in a patient.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign 
 the following day.
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus.
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and 
 Iran had begun.
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia.
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer was released by 
 his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more 
 than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud 
 in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more 
 hostages were released.
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South 
 Korea for membership.
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened.
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement.
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, 
 and several senior army officers defected.
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack 
 on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
 submarine in history to sink a warship. 
2013  smiled


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Convert formulas to values in Excel 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 7.

"Kirobo, a talking humanoid robot, has been launched into 
space and is headed to the International Space Station. From 
the article: 'Japan has launched the world's first talking 
humanoid robot "astronaut" toward the International Space 
Station. Kirobo — derived from the Japanese words for "hope" 
and "robot" — was among five tons of supplies and machinery 
on a rocket launched Sunday from Tanegashima in southwestern 
Japan, the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, or JAXA, said. 
The childlike robot was designed to be a companion for 
astronaut Koichi Wakata and will communicate with another 
robot on Earth, according to developers. Wakata is expected 
to arrive at the space station in November.'"

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. --- Doug Larson Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very generous and fair of you, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


Judy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sunset in Sweden
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Corp, 35, Tavernier, Floriduh Jailed After Calling 911 To Stop His Ex-Girlfriend From Moving Out Of Their Apartment Reported by The Weekly Vice Matthew Corp, a 35-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed Saturday after he called 911 because his girlfriend decided to break off her relationship with him and move out. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, Corp called 911 Saturday and told dispatchers that his "wife" had been kidnapped by two men driving in a U-Haul truck. Investigators say a notice was sent out to local law enforcement agencies to be on the lookout for the U-Haul while deputies were dispatched to Corp's home to gather additional information. When deputies arrived at Corp's apartment, they encountered two women walking out the door. One of the women told deputies that she was now Corp's "Ex-girlfriend" and in the process of moving out of his apartment. Corp, who was intoxicated, came out of the apartment and began to yell at deputies, according to a MCSO press release. Corp went on to say that he called in a false kidnapping report to keep his girlfriend from moving out. Corp was booked into the Monroe County Jail and charged with misuse of 911 and resisting arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Rod Re: Change formula to vaule in Excel Dear Webby How do you convert a formula to a value in Excel, so that neither the formula nor the original value is visible? In Quattro it is so easy, but I can't even find the instructions for that in the Excel Help. What's the big secret? Rod Dear Rod In the 80's there was some very hot competition in spreadsheets. After Lotus had copied the concept from Easycalc, they sued everybody, who used similar user interfaces. A bunch of law firms got very rich on that. Quattro had to change the user interface slightly, and when Excel came along, they had to be even more careful. That resulted in some not so elegant solutions. Convert To Values is one of those examples. In Quattro you select the area, then ALT E (Edit) V (conVert to Values) In Excel, select the Area, then Edit, Copy Edit, Paste Special select Values OK The end result is exactly the same, even though it does not seem to be logical or intuitive, if you are used to Quattro. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Ice pack For boo-boos, swelling or high fevers, slip a freezer-sized zipper bag into a tube sock THEN fill it with ice and zip. Tie a knot in the top of the sock, and you have an easy-to -manage ice pack that won't leak and easily conforms around knees, elbows, and foreheads. By Kelli Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an artists gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few: "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."

» Hobbiton, New Zealand

Today, Aug 7, in
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by Congress.
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the 
 revolving door.
1914 Germany invaded France.
1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that 
 was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills.
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down the government's attempt to ban the 
 controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses."
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start 
 of the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during 
 World War II.
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a 
 six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed 
 into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago.
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture 
 of the Earth.
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of 
 communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious 
 TV and radio broadcasts.
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung 
 between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center.
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1 
 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life 
 on Mars.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops 
 and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible 
 invasion by Iraq.
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for 
 $200,000.
2013  smiled


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Deleting individual cookies 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. --- Henry Cate VII "Paris Hilton's private diaries have been stolen. Whoever stole the diaries had access to her bedroom, so it could have been anyone." --- Conan O'Brien Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
>From Carol My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while." "Tom who?" I asked. My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, --two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her." The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and calmly said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version They heard!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brita West, Huntsville Tennessee Bride Becomes Inmate After Attempting To Pass Drugs To Inmate Boyfriend By Hiding Them Inside Her Dentures Reported by The Weekly Vice Brita West, a Huntsville Tennessee woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly tried to pass drugs to her inmate boyfriend by hiding them inside her dentures. According to the Scott County Sheriff's Office, West was preparing to get married to her inmate boyfriend at the Huntsville Detention Center Sunday when her status changed from "bride" to "inmate" within a matter of minutes. Investigators say West was being searched in preparation for the jailhouse wedding when a deputy noticed that her dentures kept falling out of place. Upon closer inspection, deputies saw a package inside her mouth that she attempted to hide between her dentures and gum. The package was searched and was later determined to contain methamphetamine and suboxone strips. During a search of West's purse and car, deputies uncovered more meth, several syringes, and a crushed pill. West was booked into the same jail and charged with possession of meth, possession of schedule 3 narcotics and introducing drugs into a detention facility. She remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Marcy Re: Deleting individual cookies Dear Webby; Thank you for the information. Now for the stupid question ~How do I clear just that cookie? I have used a computer for about 7 years, but I really don't have much knowledge of how to do things unless someone tells me. I If you have the time, could you please tell me how to remove just one or two cookies? Thank you~ Marcy Dear Marcy The easiest way to sort out and clean your cookies is with CrapCleaner. In case you are one of the very few subscribers who have not gotten CrapCleaner yet, go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and grab it. It's free! In CrapCleaner go to OPTIONS, COOKIES and drag the keepers (bank, Amazon, Barns&Noble, etc) to the right, and the ones you don't need to the left. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Squeak from a Squeaky Toy Meal Planning Saves Money It's a chore that I hate, but admittedly, Meal Planning saves me the most grocery money. I use recipe sites to decide dinner for the next week or two, saving the recipes to my Bookmarks. I make enough of one meal to have leftovers for another day at least, saving me electricity and labor to boot. Having staples on hand for breakfast and is easy enough. Cereal, waffles, eggs and frozen sausage make up quickly during the work week for breakfast. And leftovers are effortless lunches which can be packed the night prior. Then I just include some sandwich fixings and my list is complete. Since I've done this for a year now, I know most of my list prior because of staples. Then it's just a matter of sorting through my saved recipes for the rest. By Lakesta C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

» Fancy Fruit Parlor

Today, Aug 6, in
1787 The Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia began. 
 The articles of the U.S. Constitution draft were to be 
 debated.
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor 
 Francis II abdicated.
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru.
1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia 
 declared war against Germany.
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in 
 New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore.
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, 
 dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The 
 bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of 
 Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property 
 in Cuba began.
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the 
 British Commonwealth.
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false 
 alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze 
 due to a grease fire.
1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the 
 Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest surviving 
 recipient of a permanent artificial heart.
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade 
 embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for 
 invading Kuwait.
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers 
 in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first 
 atomic bombing.
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive 
 life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite 
 that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed 
 to have come from Mars and contained a fossil.
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology 
 in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 
 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship 
 with U.S. President Clinton. 
2013  smiled


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Copying from the net to a doc 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 5.

From Dr Bill
I have ripe white figs here on the Gulf of Mexico
Bill

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. --- Russel Lynes
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


It's forty below zero one August night in Southern Australia. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." And Pat pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shana Suggs, McAlester, OK Jailed After Setting 5-Year-Old Girl On Fire During Lice Treatment Reported by The Weekly Vice Shana Suggs, a 25-year-old Oklahoma woman, has been jailed after she allegedly poured gasoline on her daughter's head to treat a head lice problem - and ended up setting the little girl on fire instead. According to police, Suggs was attempting to treat her 5-year-old daughter's head lice problem when she brought the little girl into a bathroom and began pouring gasoline over her head. Investigators say a nearby water heater ignited on the gasoline fumes, which set both Suggs and the little girl on fire. Sugg's boyfriend reportedly heard screams coming from the bathroom and used a jacket to smother out the flames - but not before the little girl was severely burned. Prosecutors say the child suffered second and third-degree burns to more than 60 percent of her body. Although the incident occurred in January, the girl continues to receive burn treatments at a Tulsa burn center and a Texas Shriner Hospital. After a long investigation, Suggs was booked into the Pittsburg County Jail and charged with child abuse by injury. Her case is expected to go to trial in January. She remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. ------- Shana Suggs has a Facebook page, and could have easily looked up safe and effective lice remedies. Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Copying from the net to a doc Dear Webby, My husband had a program on our computer that would let me copy and paste to it and then copy and paste to a word doc and then I could make any changes I wanted to and when my puter broke and went to the shop it came back without it and I don't remember the name and my husband has passed so I can't ask him. HELP I used it mainly to copy recipes and re-arrange and delete garbage from them. Shirley Dear Shirley Open a WORD doc and what you want to copy from side by side. Simply smear (select) what you want with your mouse hit CTRL C to copy ALT TAB back to the WORD doc CTRL V to paste ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from Smear (select ) the next batch hit CTRL C to copy ALT TAB back to the WORD doc CTRL V to paste ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from Smear (select ) the next batch and so on. Pictures you usually have to copy separately by right-clicking them, and selecting Copy Image Then you can paste it with CTRL V into a graphics program for resizing, and from there you can copy it for pasting into your WORD doc. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Squeak from a Squeaky Toy A potato peeler is an excellent tool for removing the squeaker from a child's (or pet's) irritating toy! By emmamartineau Keep the loudest one by the phone for annoying telemarketers! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your wagon?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar on ours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."

» 3D Lightening

Today, Aug 5, in
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population 
 was approximately 250.
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. 
 The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
 was rescinded in 1872.
1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone 
 for the Statue of Liberty was laid.
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, 
 Ohio.
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 
 348 Jewish prisoners were freed.
1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at 
 Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch.
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese 
 boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. 
 Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth.
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking 
 air traffic controllers.
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly 
 created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The 
 works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period.
1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began 
 meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of 
 the Nicaraguan Contra bases.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the 
 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about 
 secret biological weapons.
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating 
 with U.N. weapons inspectors.
1998 Marie Noe of Philadelphia, PA was arrested and charged 
 with first-degree murder, accused of smothering eight of 
 her children to death between 1949 and 1968. Noe later 
 received 20 years' probation.
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. 
 The consulate was closed after local authorities removed 
 large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of 
 the building to normal traffic.
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter 
 had captured photographic evidence of possible liquid 
 water on Mars during warm seasons.
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force 
 Station on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first 
 solar-powered spacecraft to go to Jupiter. 
2013  smiled


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Frozen HP Touchpad 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 4.

Thanks to all who wrote to tell me, that Tupperware is still
around.

Tupperware is overpriced, 
but considering the food and the 5:1 female:male ratio at 
traditional Tupperware parties, quite justified. If I got 
an invitation to a Tupperware party, I would  free up some 
time for it, and I would break a piggy bank and cash the 
coins to have plenty of money to buy stuff.

However, I won't buy it on the net and take money out of 
the mouths of some good Tupperware seller's kids.

I buy other stuff on the net, but  with Tupperware prices 
I insist on the traditional party.


The raspberries are sure tasting great and it is difficult
to put three into the basket for every one I eat on the spot.
With the Saskatoons that is a lot  easier. This fall I am 
going to trim the Saskatoon bushes down to six feet. Ten or
more  feet are ridiculous! Sure, the branches are flexible 
and can be pulled down, but that is unnecessary work. They
will just spread more to the sides. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)
>From Lisa Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?" Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband. He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


>From Ann One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Lee Toben, 86, Virginia Beach, VA Jailed After Waving Sex Toy At Customers In Grocery Store Parking Lot Reported by The Weekly Vice Joseph Lee Toben, an 86-year-old Virginia man, has been jailed after he was allegedly seen in a grocery store parking lot attempting to solicit sex with a sex toy. According to police, Toben was in a Farm Fresh parking located on Independence Blvd., when he drew the attention of two men. Investigators say the men saw Toben inside his vehicle attempting to solicit sexual contact with several customers while waving a sex toy about. When officers arrived on the scene, Toben was still at the location harassing customers. Toben was booked into jail and charged with obscene sexual display. He was released on bond a few hours later. Tech Support Pits From: Sally Re: HP Touchpad Dear Webby, Have read you site for probably close to 15 years. I now have a problem and no one to ask. Got this item for Xmas about a year and a half ago. I got on the www site and looked for phone numbers to call and then spent the afternoon doing just that. Called all of the numbers and was passed on to another person who spoke so fast and not very clear. At the end was told to go do what I had already done and also to call a certain number that had been disconnected. What a waste of time. Small town, no repair people, and I am at a lose as to trash it and buy something else. Is a HP 10 inch and nice when working but maybe I am out of my league. Have had a WebTV for so long and has such a good e-mail program and they are going out of business at the end of Sept. Need to get something and get info transferred. Any help would be appreciated. A senior citizen, Sally Dear Sally Don't expect support from HP. From what I heard, they are busy giving the Taliban a bad name. I don't know anybody who accepts HP Touchpads for repair, because apparently that would cost more than to buy one off eBay. That just leads to arguments and unhappy customers. Consider buying one off eBay, or else buying a Google Chrome Book like the Acer C7 for $199 http://www.google.com/intl/en/chrome/de ... html#ac-c7 It has everything you might need, actually a lot more than your HP touchpad had. It has a real keyboard AND a touchpad, and sockets to connect mouse, big speakers, big HiDef TV screen, etc. Plus, with Acer you get real support. It has * Browsing * Email * Hard Drive for storage * Cloud Storage for back-up * Instant connectivity, even on airplanes * Google Hangout for playing intercontinental poker or hearts or whatever, even with the players on different continents * Camera built in for video conferencing (Like I do every day with my dad in Austria) All of that is installed and working, the moment you unpack it and turn it on. You can, of course download and install all kinds of programs, but I have a hunch, the installed stuff will be plenty for you. It might be years before you add more programs. A Chrome Book is not a powerful starwars machine for juveniles to brag about on the school bus, but it has what you want, ready to run. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tote Bags on Decorative Hooks I have two pretty, sturdy tote bags hanging on decorative hooks on my bedroom wall. You'd be surprised how much they hold. I have wallets, extra pairs of glasses, etc. Things that I don't want to get rid of, but don't want taking up room elsewhere. I found one of the pretty totes at a thrift store for $2.70 after my senior discount. By Betty from Lubbock, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story: One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."

» 3D Lightening

Today, Aug 4, in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal 
 of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly 
 Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal 
 governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not 
 libelous."
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason.
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval 
 task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard.
1821 "The Saturday Evening Post" was published for the first 
 time as a weekly.
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. The U.S. 
 proclaimed its neutrality.
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested 
 eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one 
 of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after 
 her death.
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada.
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle 
 over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph.
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the 
 English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes.
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND.
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to 
 Burkina Faso.
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal 
 Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio 
 and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced 
 fashion.
1987 A new 22-cent U.S. stamp honoring noted author William 
 Faulkner, went on sale in Oxford, MS. Faulkner had been 
 fired as postmaster of that same post office in 1924.
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from 
 Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion 
 of the oil-rich Kuwait.
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South 
 Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 
 crewmembers survived.
1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The 
 border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed.
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American 
 journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for 
 illegal entry earlier in the year. 
2013  smiled


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Computer up on blocks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 3.

The raspberries are finally ripening. I managed to pick a
nice bowl full, even though the ripest ones went straight 
into my mouth. I filled them into the smallest fake 
Tupperware containers from Glad, about the size of a muffin
and just right for one meal from me. 

Is Tupperware still around? Have not heard about it for
many years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective
A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


A farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money. "Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills." "And what about the rest?" the reporter asks. Farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Relics of early Newfies or the aliens, that landed in Newfoundland, where Hagar The Horrible's Great-Grand-Dad landed 1000 years ago?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Penny Dane, Daytona beach, Floriduh Police Sgt caught playing Internet porno games on the job Reported by Arca Max Penny Dane, a Daytona Beach Police Sergeant, resigned after she admitted posting nude pictures of herself online while on-duty, CBS affiliate WKMG reports. Dane, who worked in law enforcement for approximately 18 years, admitted to accessing and sending sexually explicit pictures as part of an online game called "Red Light Center," the station reports. Chief Mike Chitwood said he was flabbergasted after viewing the nearly 300 photos and videos that Sgt. Dane accessed using her city-owned computers and internet. In all, 177 images were found on Dane's office desktop computer, 97 images were found on the laptop inside her marked patrol car and at least 23 of the pics were of the sergeant herself. "Extremely pornographic in nature, and in several of the photos that we have since discovered, she was in her uniform," said Chief Chitwood. Investigators were reportedly tipped off by Dane herself when she accused another officer of sexual harassment. After a review of her own e-mails, the self-incriminating evidence was discovered. Dane's sexual harassment claims later proved false. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Computer up on blocks Dear Webby, Putting your puter on a brick or some sort of wooden block will lessen the amount of dust that can accumulate around the base. Usually just a couple of inches makes a big difference. Wes Dear Wes Yes, that will help a bit with the bigger dust bunnies. However, it does not get you out of opening the side lid and vacuuming the inside and cleaning the heat sinks. Keep in mind that you have two or more powerful fans sucking unfiltered room air into the computer, getting the impurities deposited inside, and blowing clean hot air out the back. Yes, I know it's a stupid way to do it, and I have never hesitated to say so. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Practical Vases For Flowers The dollar stores have become very handy for me. When I go, I get several plastic (or glass if they have it) vases to keep at home. When I want to take flowers to someone, I purchase them for a reasonable price from either a market or a bulk produce place. I then clean them up, cut down the stems, and put them in one of the vases I purchased. I usually put a bit of water in the vase but not enough to spill when moving. This way, when I give the flowers to the recipient all they need to do is fill with more water and place wherever they choose. This way, they do not need to hunt for something to put the flowers in. I use platters or bowels from the dollar store the same way. This way, I do not have to worry about retrieving the item I brought my food in. By Sharon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An eighty-three year old woman finished her annual physical examination, whereupon her doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute; I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said, "Bubba, do we still have intercourse?" Bubba answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. We have Blue Cross!"

» Goofy Dogs

Today, Aug 3, in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
 The voyage would lead him to what is now known as the 
 Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12.
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded.
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day 
 World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany.
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
  $2.75.
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
 Spain due to the Spanish Civil War.
1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island.
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
 Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation 
 Sunshine."
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional 
 Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They 
 were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned.
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise 
 Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or 
 stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver.
1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made 
 between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels.
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been 
 taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane 
 in Moscow's Red Square.
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles 
 of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world 
 concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread.
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually 
 end the testing of nuclear weapons.
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet 
 under joint command. The agreement was to last for 
 three years.
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to 
 face charges that he had driven the van that blew up 
 in New York's World Trade Center.
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the 
 public. The site had been closed since the terrorist 
 attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
 journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in 
 March 2011.
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to 
 declare the right of indigenous people to govern 
 themselves.
2013  smiled


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Ho to get rid of Hotspot Shield 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Cookie!!


WASHINGTON – The U.S. Army has ordered its personnel not to 
go to the latest postings on the website of the British 
newspaper The Guardian to read revelations of information 
given to its reporter because it contains a “TOP SECRET 
slide show.”

The slide show is about how the NSA spies on US soldiers 
and other tax payers.
The Guardian’s story is mainly about the NSA's new toy, the
XKeyscore, which is an NSA data mining software tool that 
gives the analyst accesses to “everything a user does on 
the Internet.”

I find it rather sad, that the military forbids the soldiers
to read what is public knowledge in other countries, and what
really concerns them!
That puts Snowden and Manning into a totally different light.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nafeesa Robinson and Paul Sherman, Osceola County, Floriduh Counterfit Bills, Car Burglary and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor Reported by Sheriff's Office News Releases Osceola County Sheriff's detectives arrested Nafeesa Robinson and Paul Sherman and charged them with three counts of Unoccupied Car Burglary, three counts of Criminal Mischief, three counts of Petit Theft, Possession of Burglary Tools, Possession of Counterfeit Bills and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor. On July 28 deputies with the Community Response Team West and Tourist Policing Unit were conducting an undercover operation on West 192. The operation was in response to recent car burglaries in Osceola, Orange and Lake counties which targeted restaurant parking lots, specifically employee's vehicles. The suspects would break the car windows with a punch or brass knuckles, steal handbags and use the stolen credit cards to make purchases at local stores. Based on the investigation, detectives obtained information Sherman and his wife, Robinson were possible suspects. On July 28 detectives observed Sherman and Robinson break into a vehicle at the Target located at 3200 Rolling Oaks Boulevard. During the burglary, they had their 6-year-old son with them. Also, in their possession were $650 dollars in counterfeit bills. Robinson and Sherman were placed into custody and cooperated with the investigation. Detectives obtained a search warrant for their residence located at 5512 Huber Drive in Orlando and they found stolen property and additional counterfeit bills. Based on their statements and the evidence, Sherman and Robinson were arrested and booked into the Osceola County Jail. The Department of Children and Families was contacted and the child was released to another family member. The investigation is on-going with additional charges pending. By the way, his head gear is not something religious. It is a fresh bandage. Tech Support Pits From: Sidney Re: How to get rid of Hotspot Shield Dear Webby, My daughter got our computer infected with some crap called Hotspot Shield. It is the most obnoxious and useless crap I have EVER seen. It messes up the email connection, blocks perfectly good web sites, blocks SSH connections to my own domains, etc. If you can't find a way to get rid of it by nightfall, that computer will get a metal stake pounded through it, a few gallons of tar and diesel poured on it and set on fire, to exorcise it! Sidney Dear Sidney Relax. No need to set it on fire. Click on START Control Panel Programs and Features (What used to be ADD/REMOVE Programs) In there, look for Hotspot Right-click it and select UNinstall That will take a while. Afterward run CrapCleaner to complete the cleanup. By the way, I have seen Hotspot Shield on a computer, and I can fully understand and appreciate your feelings. Hotspot Shield is one of the worst programs ever written. I would classify it as Malware. Those idiots simply don't understand the net and how we use it. For example, hijacking your email and running it through their server might be expected, if you are in the US Military and they want to check all your email, but like most businesses I have safeguards in place, that lock up, when they detect what we call a "Man In The Middle Attack". The same goes with command line access to servers and FTP. What Hotspot Shield does is treated like any attack. I can recognize that kind of attack, but most people are simply tempted to use a metal stake and tar and diesel. So, if any of you ever see "Hotspot Shield" mentioned, the answer is NO!!!! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nearly Free Wall Art A bare wall is a blank canvas waiting to be decorated. However, art can be expensive. I have found that I can decorate my walls at little or no cost simply by using photos from books or magazines. Cheap picture frames can be found at Dollar Stores, yard sales, and thrift stores. I cut out and mount pictures from magazines I subscribe to or find free at various locations. A local library has over-sized books available at their book sale for $1. The book covers are well worn or damaged but the pages inside are usually in good condition. Nature and gardening books often have beautiful pictures in them that look fantastic when framed. I can very inexpensively create a wall of pictures that relate to things I'm passionate about, such as nature scenes, animals and flowers. I like to frequently alter my decor but my budget doesn't allow me to purchase new room accessories very often. Just placing new "free" pictures on the wall will alter the atmosphere and appearance of a room. Temporarily removing standard pictures and replacing them with holiday pictures is an inexpensive way to decorate for Christmas. By VeronicaHB from Asheboro, NC To create the feeling of more space, get an old window or door, that has dividers and small panes. Take some nice scenery picture from the Humor Letter and divide it the same way the window or door is divided. Print and trim the "panes" and stick them onto the door or window. Naturally, if the room is a day use room, choose a daylight picture. Your first "printed window" might be a learning experience, but you will quickly get the hang of it. If you attach the printed panes with double-sided removable tape (similar to Post-It Notes), or a glue stick with the same removable glue, then you can quickly change the view, depending on whether you expect your in-laws or your secret lover. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Goldie: The preacher came over the other day. He said that, at my age, I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him that I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

» Beach Art

Today, Aug 2, in
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their 
 signatures to the Declaration of Independence.
1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a 
 joint patent for their nail-making machine.
1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were 
 installed along streets.
1861 The United States Congress passed the first income tax. 
 The  revenues were intended for the war effort against 
 the South. The tax was never enacted.
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire.
1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator.
1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first 
 showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining 
 of picture and sound for movies.
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt 
 urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act 
 prohibited civil service employees from taking an active 
 part in political campaigns.
1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after 
 being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under 
 the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy.
1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded.
1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese 
 attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. 
 Iraq claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by 
 exceeding production quotas set by OPEC.
1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers. 
 The two were said to have been caught spying on military sights.
2013  smiled


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Best Location for computer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 1.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Creativity is a drug I cannot live without. --- Cecil B. DeMille (1881 - 1959) Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors. --- Jewish Proverb Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it. --- Jesse Stuart
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version View from my office, actually the deck outside it at 9 PM
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jay Riley, 21, Woodbridge, VA Jailed After Bringing Computer To Police Station, Asking Officers If He Was Wanted On Child Pornography Charges Reported by The Weekly Vice Jay Riley, a 21-year-old Virginia man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly brought his computer to a police station, and asked officers if they wanted to arrest him on child pornography charges. According to Prince William County Police, Riley was surfing porn sites on his computer last week when an "FBI Warning Message" popped up on his screen. Investigators say the message told Riley that he needed to pay a fine or be subject to a child pornography criminal investigation. Taking the message seriously, Riley packed up his computer, headed down to his local police station and asked officers if there were any child porn warrants for his arrest. Officers searched Riley's computer and found several inappropriate photographs and chat log messages Riley had exchanged with a 13-year-old girl from Minnesota. Armed with a search warrant, detectives seized a computer and several other electronic devices from Riley's home. Riley was booked into jail and charged with 3 counts of possessing child pornography, 1 count of using a communication device to solicit certain offenses involving children and 1 count of indecent liberties with a minor. The message that prompted Riley to go to a police station was later determined to be a virus that had been downloaded to his computer. Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: Location for computer Dear Webby, What is a better location for my computer, in a snug cubbyhole on my desk, or on the floor below the desk? Allan Dear Allan On the floor, without any doubt whatsoever. You have to be able to get at the cables on the back. That alone rules out a snug cubbyhole. However, the most important reason is cooling. There is nothing that kills a computer faster than inadequate cooling. It needs unresticted air flow that it can draw through the computer ONCE. Not re-use the heated air for that. Just put it on the floor and once or twice a year vacuum out the dust bunnies and clean the heat sinks. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing a Stuck Zipper If your zipper is stuck, use a graphite pencil along the teeth back and front and, presto, it works again! By shi Try to get the zipper to close again with just water as the lubricant. Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth. Wash and dry with the zipper still closed. Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth, again. While still hot, run a thin line of rubber cement or any clear flexible glue onto the fabric along the teeth. Just on the fabric side, not across the teeth! The idea is to stengthen the fabric, that had lost it's strength to hold the teeth at the proper angle. Let the glue set overnight. After that, the zipper will be like new. Especially if you had used a graphite pencil or a spray of WD40 to get home, the washing part is essential! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that." "OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Granddaddy, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh", she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

» Pretty Pictures
For US

Today, Aug 1, in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela).
1619 The first black Americans (20) arrived at Jamestown, VA.
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist 
 Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly.
1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total 
 population of 3,929,214 recorded.
1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire.
1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. 
 The design was done for San Francisco, CA.
1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and 
 William Ford.
1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute 
 was over control of Korea.
1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division 
 that later became the U.S. Air Force.
1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of 
 World War I.
1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as 
 they opened in Berlin.
1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation 
 began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish 
 forces surrendered.
1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. 
 It was the first of this type in America.
1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) 
 was created by the United States and Canada.
1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal 
 to buy CBS for $5.4 billion.
2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power 
 when he gave his brother Raul authority while he 
 underwent an intestinal surgery.
2013  smiled


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What is Rule 240 ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. --- Bertrand Russell
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since my wife always has her mind made up beforehand and resents it, when I try to confuse her with facts, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This was the top part of a 6 foot tall cactus, that fell over and broke into pieces. Dad let the pieces dry a month, then planted them into separate pots. As you can see, they bloomed quite nicely.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Hautzenroeder, 36, Colerain Township, Ohio Teacher - Charged With Having Sex With Two Students Reported by The Weekly Vice Julie Hautzenroeder, a 36-year-old science teacher at Colerain High School, has been indicted on sex charges after she allegedly had sex with two students. According to the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched back in May of this year after school officials received information that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with a 16-year-old student. As the investigation unfolded, it was reportedly learned that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with two students who she had hired to babysit her daughter. The first student reportedly attends Colerain High School, however the age and location of the second student has not yet been released. According to court records, Hautzenroeder allegedly had intercourse with one students and oral sex with the second student. Hautzenroeder has been indicted on two counts of sexual battery. Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Rule 240 Dear Webby, You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how does it apply under the current security restrictions? Glenis Dear Glenis I used to travel a fair bit, but that is not in the current budget. Re Rule 240, I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, mentioning "Rule 240", and how she was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets. "Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups. Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with the DOT. The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward. IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or other occurrences, that the airlines say they cannot control, or you miss a connection because they were late, they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you alternate tickets and meal vouchers. Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240", but have no clue where they can find the copy that is supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in trouble. If the take-off is delayed because of security problems, then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240" to intelligently dispute the points, and rather give you vouchers. The European equivalent is EU Regulation 261/2004. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Careful With DIY Beauty Treatments So I just threw in three ingredients in an attempt to clear an oily nose; some lime juice, toothpaste and some scrub. As soon as I put it on it started to burn! I thought that it was just the side effect of the toothpaste but seven minutes later, it's still burning. I've decided to just leave it on for the full fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid of the result. Not pacticulary asking for help but just giving out a warning to potential DIY'ers. Don't do this! By KittyKakes E. Also avoid using dynamite or chainsaws for facial cleaning. That would be just as dumb. Simply sneak out to the garage and look for a can of Waterless Handcleaner. You can also buy it at Walmart, Home Depot, or any automotive parts & accessories store. Waterless Handcleaner is a gentle paste. Dip the tip of a finger into it, smear it onto your greasy nose, and wipe it off with paper towel or facial tissue. That's all there is to it! Believe me, industry would grind to a screching halt, if you took away waterless handcleaner. By the way, it also works very well to remove tar splatters or spray paint from cars, and has effectively removed grease and oil from mechanics faces and hands for over a hundred years. And it doesn't take much. "A little dab'll do ya." Some brands have a hint of lanolin (wool oil) in it to protect the skin after the cleaner has deep cleaned it and removed ALL oil and grease.It doesn't make your skin feel oily, but not dry either. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming a Catholic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Lila DearWebby, can you please run that hilarious story about the fallen cake again? Thanks, Lila OK, here it is: Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

» Dominoes
For US

Today, July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
 Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad.
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins 
 for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. 
 The substance was used in fertilizer.
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted.
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. 
 He introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows 
 on the South Seas."
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched 
 a series of cars under his name.
1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in 
 Austria.
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became 
 the youngest person to swim the English Channel.
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures 
 of the moon's surface.
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time 
 in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV).
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices.
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape 
 reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage 
 William R. Higgins.
1991 U.S. President George H. Bush and Soviet President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital 
 Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal.
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. 
 It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's 
 surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature 
 length films sold. 
2013  smiled


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Alternate SMTP Servers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - )
Thanks to Irma for this story: One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell '@#$%&!' after beeping!"
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A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their billing service had screwed up and not to worry about their bill." The company got a new number the next day.
Click on the picture for the large version Yesterday morning from my office window.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian O'Neill, 25, St. Charles, Mo. Jailed After Repeatedly Zapping Wife With Stun Gun Because He Couldn't Find His Wallet Reported by The Weekly Vice Brian O'Neill, a 25-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly assaulted his wife with a stun gun because he couldn't his wallet. According to police, O'Neill and his wife were at a relatives home earlier this month when O'Neill suddenly realized that his wallet was missing. In retaliation, O'Neill allegedly grabbed a 3.8 million volt stun gun and applied a shock to his wife's neck. When the wife recovered and attempted to get away from O'Neill, he reportedly pinned her down and applied additional jolts to her legs and abdomen. When the woman finally recovered from the second attack, she attempted to flee to her car. That's when O'Neill chased her down and zapped her again with the stun gun before fleeing the scene. Police who arrived at the scene found O'Neill's wallet, which contained a metal pipe with burned marijuana residue inside. They also discovered that O'Neill was already on parole for a recent drug violation. He was booked into jail and charged with felony domestic assault, armed criminal action, property damage and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. The wife later told police that she does not sleep in the same bedroom as O'Neill because she is afraid that he will kill her while she is asleep. Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: SMTP filtering Dear Webby, My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that? Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter and dump their own responses too. Thanks Allan Dear Allan Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get cable, but I agree that their mail is definitely not reliable enough for business purposes. Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server. A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at Softstack It's easy to set up and it's free. Then there is SMTP2GO.com If you want something fancier with more options, there is PostCastServer for $49. A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never have to change it when you travel or move or change ISPs. Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a remote one like one of those. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Frozen Water In Your Fridge Now the weather is turning cold, I leave clean plastic gallon jugs of drinking water outside overnight to freeze. One bottle gives me refreshing iced water in the morning, the others go in the fridge and freezer to fill space and keep cooling costs down. This is especially useful now the furnace is running more often. By Laura P. from Iowa Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Dave for this story: As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too."

» A Beautiful Mess

Today, July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay 
 Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.
1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland.
1733 The first Freemasons lodge opened in what would later 
 become the United States.
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine 
 automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car 
 Company of Cleveland, OH.
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese 
 submarine. The ship had just delivered key components 
 of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of 
 Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the 
 attack.
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the 
 U.S. national motto.
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social 
 Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. 
 It went into effect the following year.
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to 
 disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact.
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile 
 rolled off the assembly line.
2000 Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married.
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to 
 win three consecutive Tours de France.
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle 
 rolled off an assembly line.
2013  smiled


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Which is the best FTP program? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 29.

The first few of the Saskatoon berries are ripe.



Due to the end of the Gullible Warming, they are a late,
but they taste exactly the same.

The raspberries are late too, but the first few were delicious!
You see some that are almost ripe.




The enthusiastic plant on the right is Lovage or Maggi, 
a very nice spice. The seeds of it have a quite different 
flavor from the dried leaves. It is time to cut them and
dry them. If you are not familiar witrh that spice, it is
the secret why Gramma's meatloaf tasted better.

The brown pipe holds the hay-wire, that keeps the plants
from leaning out too far.
The galvanized 6" pipe with mosquito netting on top is the 
exhaust from the fridge. In summer I don't want it to heat 
up the kitchen, so I exhaust it to the outside. 
The air intake is down behind the raspberries.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


If you want to do something special and really crazy, go to the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship! This year it is on Aug 24, so you still have plenty of time to get to Savonlinna, Finland. You can sign up at Here There is a registration fee to minimize frivolous sign-ups by people, who won't attend. Last year a new world record wast thrown by Ere Karjalainen, Finland. New WR is amazing 101,46 m (331.4 feets)! Second was Jeremy Gallop from South Africa, 94,67 m (308.4 f). 2011 Champion Oskari Heinonen came third with 86,94 m (286.2f). Winner in women's category came also from Finland, Jonna Mattero threw 42,47 m (137.8 feet). Even if you don't quite win, just watching competitors from all over the world, should be a hoot!
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angelina Davis, 18, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed for Strangling Own Father To Death Over Drug Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Angelina Davis, an 18-year-old Oklahoma dope addict and prostitute, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly strangled her father to death when he failed to give her money for drugs. According to police, an investigation was launched back in March after two neighbors found 77-year-old Jay Davis dead inside his tiny, dilapidated house in Oklahoma City. Investigators say the man was found with a cord wrapped around his neck and may have been dead for several days before he was found by concerned neighbors. Officers began a search for the man's daughter, Angelina Davis after obtaining evidence and witness statements that made her the likely suspect in the case. According to the arrest report, Davis reportedly harassed her father for money on a regular basis, beat him, and told friends that she was going to kill her father if he didn't give her money for drugs. Davis also reportedly told a friend the place inside the house where her father died, even though she was not at the scene when police found the body and information about the man's death had not been shared with her. Davis, who is a drug addict and worked as a prostitute, was booked into jail on a charge of murder. Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: FTP Dear Webby I have always used browser FTP to up and download files, but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs! I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale. Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is not too expensive? Angie Dear Angie Best is FileZilla You can get it free. Yes, totally free! Not even sleazy ads on the download page. FileZilla is just as powerful as the $100 + programs, but in my opinion more user friendly and considerably faster. If your web host insists on SFTP (SECURE FTP), that is absolutely no problem with FileZilla. Filezilla lets you change file permissions on the server, even for whole directory branches at a time. Another nice feature is the ability to transfer a dozen files simultaneously. As you can probably imagine, that really speeds up getting work done! You can even have multiple instances of it open, if you are working on more than one domain. I use FileZilla every day, and like it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathtub Cleaning Made Easy Use liquid toilet bowl cleaner in your bathtub or shower to remove hard water stains, minerals, mildew, and soap residue. It's stronger than bathtub cleaners and does the job in no time. The thicker formula makes it cling to the sides of the tub while it dissolves the offending grime. If you use a product with a color added (the one I use is blue) it can stain white grout, so be careful not to put it directly on the walls. Rinse thoroughly and do not mix with other cleaners. Source: Heard it from a friend who restores old houses. By Diane from Wonder Lake, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a house of ill repute smells like."

» City of Dragons

Today, July 29, in

1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
 of Gravelines.
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France.
1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received 
 U.S. patent for the lawn-tennis court.
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA.
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to 
 Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes.
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control.
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious
 discussions with Cuba on normalization.
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married.
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio 
 autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard 
 "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out 
 and he was set free. Then the US deported him to Germany.
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 
 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for 
 deaths and birth defects.
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike 
 against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion 
 in lost revenues.
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered 
 a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around 
 the sun.
2013  smiled


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