Transfer files to new machine 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 11.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!


On Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. --- Roger Allen There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. --- Benjamin Spock
You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: * The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. * People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. * The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up. * Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. * Baptism is referred to as "branding". * There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. * High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. * People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip while lifting a beer keg. * The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. * The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard. * The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. * The final "Amen" is drowned out by all the 4x4's in the parking lot starting up.
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," Morris replied. "Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum. "But it's only $500," Morris insisted. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sunset on Vancouver Island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Desiree Romero, 28, Florence, Arizona Charged With Eating Drugs From Vagina During Jail Search Reported by The Weekly Vice Desiree Romero, a 28-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Thursday after she was caught eating drugs from her vagina while she was being incarcerated on drug charges. According to the Pinal County Sheriff's Office, Romero and 26-year-old Thomas Duke were traveling on Interstate 10 Thursday evening when a deputy stopped a minivan they were traveling in for a traffic violation. The officer noted a large sign covering the van's back window as he pulled in behind it, which prompted a search of the vehicle. Officers recovered 14 large bundles of marijuana from the van at an estimated street value of $272,000. During the search, officers also recovered a vial of meth from Romero's purse. Romero denied having any other drugs located on her person as deputies arrested her and transported her to jail. During the booking process, Romero was asked to submit to a second search. That's when she allegedly retrieved about a gram of marijuana and meth from her vagina and attempted to swallow them. Detention officers were able to grab the drugs out of Romero's mouth before they were ingested. Romero and Duke were booked into the Pinal County Detention Center and charged with possession of marijuana with intent to sell, transportation of marijuana and marijuana possession. Romero was also charged with possession of a dangerous drug, possession of drug paraphernalia and promoting prison contraband. Duke is currently on parole for forgery and identity theft. Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Transfer data from old to new machine Dear Webby My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with Windows 7. Can you recommend a product or method to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is running Windows XP. I understand I need to manually install the application software that she needs. Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day. Regards Mark Dear Mark Since you plan to r-install all programs, why not just format the hard drive, and re-install everything? She is NOT going to like W7, and demand that anyway. After you format and re-install XP, it will be as fast as it was when you originally bought the machine. You could insert a new hard drive, that is no big deal. Then set that one as the main drive, and the old drive as the second drive. You simply move the little jumper on the drive from Master to Slave. Usually there is a little diagram for that right on the drive. Then you can copy what you need from the old drive, as if it was just a different folder. If you decide to get a W7 machine, and incur her wrath, you can do a similar trick. Get a USB remote drive enclosure for the hard drive from the old machine, and plug it into a USB port. It will appear just like a second drive inside the machine, and you can copy from it as easily as if it was just a different folder. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Bag For the Car I have been able to keep my car cleaned up, by hanging a plastic grocery bag on the back of the front passenger seat with a velcro cord holder. (This is a nylon web with velcro on the ends. I was able to find 10/$1 at the Dollar Store.) I put the holder around the metal head rest post and attach the grocery bag. It is easy and safe to get to while I am driving, and it is out of the way. MUCH better than throwing trash on the floor! By dcnfamily from Reno, NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good old family brawl. He rapped on the door with his night stick and the door was opened by a very determined and disheveled woman. "Who's head of the family here?" "You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're trying to settle inside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes in the neighborhood. He knocked on one door, and a little 4-year-old boy opened it. When he saw the priest, he called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

» Tribal Fusion

Today, Aug 11, in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV.
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry 
 S. Parmelee.
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos.
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric 
 light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of 
 Cape Hatteras, NC.
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time.
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced 
 "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany 
 wins the war."
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender.
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh.
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight, the third Russian to go into space.
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the 
 microphone, the President said, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation 
 that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in 
 five minutes."
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudia Arabia to help protect against a possible Iraqi 
 attack.
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. 
 It was the largest shopping mall in the United States.
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 
 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of 
 the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the 
 line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three 
 items in spending and tax bills.
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies 
 with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the 
 largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company.
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile 
 after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah.
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong 
 peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2013  smiled


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Way around W7's lack of backward compatibility 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 10.

National Security Agency director General Keith Alexander
says his agency is working to prevent future leaks by 
replacing the majority of its system administrators, 
—the position Edward Snowden held—, with machines. 

The system administrators are not impressed.
The hacker world, though, is rejoycing. They will get
updates a lot quicker.

By the way, on Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wdnesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Facts do not cease to exist because they are ignored. --- Aldous Huxley
A man went to church one day and afterward he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. He said, "Preacher, I'll tell you, that was a damned fine sermon. Damned good!" The preacher said, "Thank you sir, but I'd rather you didn't use that kind of language in the Lord's House. The man said, "I was so damned impressed with that sermon I put five thousand dollars in the offering plate!" The preacher said, "No shit?!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program Works Bigtime. Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


Judi was almost crazy with her three kids. She complained to her best friend, "They're driving me nuts. Such pests, they give me no rest and I'm half-way to the nut hatch." "What you need is a playpen to separate the kids from yourself," her friend said. So Judi bought a playpen. A few days later, her friend called to ask how things were going. "Superb! I can't believe it," Judi said. "I get in that pen with my laptop and the kids don't bother me one bit!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Falcon Nest (Ford Falcon)
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashton Powers, 24, Tempe, Arizona Jailed for Slashing Police Car Tire While Officer Was Sitting In Car Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashton Powers, a 24-year-old Arizona bonehead, was jailed last Tuesday after he slashed the tire of a police cruiser while an officer was still sitting inside the vehicle. According to Tempe Police, an officer was pulled over at the corner of 7th street and Mill Ave finishing up a police report when he suddenly felt a jolt to his patrol car. The jolt, followed by a strange sound, prompted the officer to step outside the vehicle to see what the problem was. The officer saw that his rear passenger tire had been slashed and noticed a man walking away from the scene with a knife in his hand. The officer caught up to the man, identified as Ashton Powers, and questioned him about his behavior. That's when Powers admitted to slashing the tire, explaining that he didn't see anyone inside the vehicle. Investigators aren't sure why Powers attacked the vehicle, since it was a fully marked police car with the engine running and an officer sitting inside it. Powers was booked into jail and charged with criminal damage to property. More charges may follow. Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: PDF files attached won't open in W7 Dear Webby When somebody sends me an email with a PDF attachment, it won't open in Blonde Windoze. I even installed Nitro, like you once recommended. It can't find it. I use Eudora. What is going on? Frank Dear Frank Some moronic Asshole at Microsoft decided to put a hole into "ProgramFiles" and call it "Program Files", for the sole purpose of being a moronic Asshole, and to make Blonde Windows NOT backward compatible. Luckily the geniuses, who created Euroda 25 years ago, foresaw that and provided a safe detour. Create a new attachment directory, for example C:\!att (The exclamation mark will ensure, that it shows at the top in an alphabetical search.) Then in Eudora, click on Tools, Options, and scoot down to Attachments. Click on the button for Attachment Directory. Change that from the sick Shit-fer-brains location with a space in the directory name to C:\!att. You could actually let Eudora make you a directory, but in case some other programs won't help you there, I'll show you the safe route. After that, Eudora will put all newly arriving attachments into C:\!att, and Nitro or whatever you use to open attachments, will be able to find and open them. Now go to the moronic location, and drag all the old attachments over to the new location. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Oven To clean your oven, spray with oven cleaner at night (I use Easy Off lemon scent). The next day, use a wet sponge to wipe off the oven. Use gloves and a bucket of water, as you'll have to keep washing the sponge. It makes oven cleaning much easier. By Thriftygirl from Boston, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A young woman wasn't feeling well, and asked one her co-workers to recommend a physician. "I know a great one in the city, but he is very expensive. Five hundred dollars for the first visit, and one hundred dollars for each one after that." The woman went to the doctor's office and, trying to save a little money, cheerily announced. "I'm back!" Not fooled for a second, the doctor quickly examined her and said, "Very good, just continue the treatment I prescribed on your last visit." -------------- She sure would not even try that in Wyoming, with the mandatory RFID dog-chip implanted in her butt! As soon as she steps up to the receptionist's counter, her ID and entire medical history will show on the receptionist's computer. Payment history and criminal record too. And of course her driving record and credit rating! Actually, the chip does not have all that info. It just carries the ACCESS KEY to all that. The data can be updated even while the chip carrier is hiding in Africa. Naturally airport security and police use the same dog-chip scanners. That was actually Obama's main argument in favor of chipping all the sheeple. I have a hunch Montana will threaten to secede and join Canada, rather than have all Montanans wear dog chips.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I don't think I'll ever have a mother's intuition. My sister left me alone in a restaurant with my 10-month old nephew. I said, "What do I do if he cries?" She said "Give him some vegetables." It turns out that jalapeno is not his favorite.

» 3D Art on Machines:

Today, Aug 10, in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
 the French Revolution. He was executed the following 
 January after being put on trial for treason.
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain.
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S. 
 Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by 
 $500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson.
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed.
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown.
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical 
 Exhibition.
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, 
 was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia.
1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio.
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual 
faces of the presidents were dedicated later.
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance 
 on Guam.
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, 
 Japan announced they would surrender. The only condition 
 was that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged.
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He 
 set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours 
 and 5 minutes.
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided 
 $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned 
 by the U.S. government during World War II.
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity 
 when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the 
 time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula 
 Corbin Jones.
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme 
 Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she 
 had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue.
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter 
 jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people 
 were killed.
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri Malenchenko 
 were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles above the earth 
 in the international space station. It was the first-ever 
 marriage from space. 
2013  smiled


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Cicero 55BC 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 9.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The muffler on my car was sounding more sporty by the day,
so I had to bust both piggy banks and get a new one. 
On the way back there was a sudden rain squall and really
wicked gusts of wind. When the car ahead of me was blown
into the greenery on the right and cam shooting back across 
my lane and into oncoming lane of traffic. From there he 
was blown back and into the greenery to the right again.

I stomped on the brakes to avoid hitting him, if he made 
it back into my lane. However, he stayed in the greenery, 
presumaby to change his underwear.

I got bounced around for about a quarter mile, but since 
all trafic had stopped, that was no problem. Driving felt 
more like being on a sailboat in a hurricane than in a 
car on the highway. After about quarter mile it settled 
down to just stormy gusts and the downpour stopped. 

Then the whole thing started all over again, this time
the gusts slugging from the passenger side.

I made it through that sillyness in about a quarter mile.
It might have been the beginnings of a tornado. They had
forecast tornadoes in the area. 

Changing the muffler should be no big deal, I figured. 
Yeah, right.
I had left my deep sockets and the Air Impact Driver in the
Yukon, when I moved South. Didn't think I would need them.
Well, there is no other way to remove the rusted nuts on
the muffler clamps. So I phoned around for the lowest price
and earliest possible spot at any auto mechanic in the 
area. 

After trying for a minute with the big air impact driver,
they wound up grinding off the muffler clamp. No wonder I 
could not undo the nuts by hand. The rest was easy, but
time consuming, because the mechanic had to frequently 
stop and work on other vehicles. They probably do that only
when the car owner is watching. That way they did manage to
drag it out to about an hour. That put me $130 deeper into 
debt, but the sporty sound was gone and no longer 
attracting the attention of the cops.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Money in the bank is like toothpaste in the tube. Easy to take out, hard to put back." --- Earl Wilson "THE BUDGET SHOULD BE BALANCED, THE TREASURY SHOULD BE REFILLED, PUBLIC DEBT SHOULD BE REDUCED, THE ARROGANCE OF OFFICIALDOM SHOULD BE TEMPERED AND CONTROLLED, AND THE ASSISTANCE TO FOREIGN LANDS SHOULD BE CURTAILED LEST ROME BECOME BANKRUPT. PEOPLE MUST AGAIN LEARN TO WORK, INSTEAD OF LIVING ON PUBLIC ASSISTANCE". --- CICERO, 55 BC "A lot of friction is caused by half the drivers trying to go fast enough to thrill their girlfriends and the other half trying to go slow enough to placate their wives"
A friend, driving home from a fishing trip in northern Michigan with his boat in tow, had engine trouble a few miles inland from Lake Huron. He didn't have a CB radio in his car, so he decided to use his marine radio to get help. Climbing into his boat, he broadcast his call letters and asked for assistance. A Coast Guard officer responded, "Please give your location." "I'm on Interstate-75, two miles south of Standish." The officer paused, "Could you repeat that?" "I-75, two miles south of Standish." A longer pause. Then an incredulous voice asked, "How fast were you going when you hit shore?"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program Works Bigtime. Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!



Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristal Sharmayne Conley, 22, Waco, Texas Jailed After assaulting Washing Machine and Police Officers Reported by The Weekly Vice Kristal Sharmayne Conley, a 22-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Friday after she allegedly brawled with a washing machine, then attacked officers who came to arrest her for it. According to police, Conley was washing clothes at a Waco area laundromat Friday evening when she became angry and punched the glass out of one of the washing machines there. Officers were called to the scene as Conley attacked a second washing machine at the facility. When officers arrived to rescue the machine, Conley reportedly spat on one officer and attempted to strike a second officer. She was booked into the McLennan County Jail and charged with criminal mischief, assault on a peace office and attempted assault on a peace officer. She remains held in lieu of $21,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: Better download for CrapCleaner Dear Webby When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy download without a lot of greedy fuss? Julia Dear Julia CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they allow download sites like FileHippo provide download locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their advertising that they put in your path when you try to get your download. Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big, powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer cost, don't try it. Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to restrict access to the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tiny Changes To Save Electricity The recent essays on saving money on fuel bills in small ways got me thinking. I was getting annoyed with myself because I was wasting so much power boiling and reboiling my electric kettle. I kept forgetting to only heat as much water as I needed and left the coffee maker heating ring on all day. Realizing that there must be an answer to all this waste, I made these changes to my daily routines to save some electricity and some of my precious cash! I found a 5 pint pump action vacuum flask on sale for $2, a fantastic bargain, but they can be picked up for around $10. I boil the electric kettle twice in the morning, fill the flask and have hot water for tea on tap all day. If there is anything left come the evening, I use it for cooking or dish washing. The answer to the coffee problem was far more simple, I make the coffee, turn off the machine, then microwave it a cup at a time as I need it. It tastes better and saves me money too. Such tiny changes in our ways of doing things may seem insignificant on a daily basis, but they can add up to make a difference at the end of the month when we open the bills. By Ayesha from Kranj You can pre-heat the water with the sun. Pick up a 5 gallon club size coffee percolator at a garage sale or even new. They are cheap. Paint one side flat black with BBQ spray paint. Cover the back side and bottom with thin packaging foam. Then place it on a Southern or Western window or balcony. Fill it with cold water, so as not to run up your electrical bill (Hot water tank is the worst consumer!), and let the sun heat it up. It won't be hot enough for coffee, unless you are in a Southern state, but then you'd be drinking ice tea or sun tea anyway. However, it will be fairly hot and your kettle or microwave has to just top it off for a bit. The bulk of the heating has already been taken care of. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!"

» Amazing Tree Houses

Today, Aug 9, in
1678 American Indians sold the Bronx to Jonas Bronck for 400 beads.
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-year voyage. 
 It was the first ship to carry the American flag around the world.
1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between 
 Schenectady and Albany, NY.
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau.
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames.
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph.
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing machine.
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created 
 by Max Fleischer.
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin Olympics. 
 He was the first American to win four medals in one Olympics.
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council 
 created "Smokey the Bear."
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing 
 came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000 
 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14.
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in 
 Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of Nagasaki
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the 
 Malaysian Federation.
1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. 
 Gerald R. Ford took his place
1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the 
 Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The 
 new Superdome cost $163 million to build.
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade 
 was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles Kings.
1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for the 
 second time.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time 
 in 17 months.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support 
 federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic 
 stem cells.
2004 Trump Hotel and Casion Resorts announced plans to file 
 for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
2013  smiled


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Better download for CrapCleaner 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 8.

Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running on/off hunger 
strike. 

The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Guards were preparing to serve the first in a series of 
special meals Wednesday to prisoners at Guantánamo Bay to 
mark the end of the Muslim holy period of Ramadan, which 
this year brought a lull in a long-running hunger strike. 
The military planned to serve lamb, bread, dates and honey 
as the last daylight fasting period of Ramadan ends, 
followed by three traditional holiday dinners on Thursday.
Nothing but the very best for Obama's buddies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is of interest to note that while some dolphins are reported to have learned English -- up to fifty words used in correct context -- no human being has been reported to have learned dolphinese. --- Carl Sagan (1934 - 1996)
A customer moves away from a bank window, counts his change, and then goes back and says to the cashier, "Hey, you gave me the wrong change!" Cashier: "Sir, you stepped away from the counter. We don't make corrections after you leave. There's nothing I can do about it now. That's the policy of this bank !" Customer: "Well, okay. Just thought you'd like to know you gave me hundred dollars too much. Bye. "
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Leola Starling of Ribrock, Tenn., had a serious telephone problem. But unlike most people she did something about it. The brand-new $10 million Ribrock Plaza Motel opened nearby and had acquired almost the same telephone number as Leola. From the moment the motel opened, Leola was besieged by calls not for her. Since she had the same phone number for years, she felt that she had a case to persuade the motel management to change its number. Naturally, the management refused, claiming that it could not change its stationery. The phone company was not helpful, either. A number was a number, and just because a customer was getting someone else's calls 24 hours a day didn't make it responsible. After her pleas fell on deaf ears, Leola decided to take matters into her own hands. At 9 o'clock the phone rang. Someone from Memphis was calling the motel and asked for a room for the following Tuesday. Leoloa said, "No problem. How many nights?" A few hours later Dallas checked in. A secretary wanted a suite with two bedrooms for a week. Emboldened, Leola said the Presidential Suite on the 10th floor was available for $600 a night. The secretary said that she would take it and asked if the hotel wanted a deposit. "No, that won't be necessary," Leola said. "We trust you." The next day was a busy one for Leola. In the morning, she booked an electric appliance manufacturers' convention for Memorial Day weekend, a college prom and a reunion of the 82nd Airborne veterans from World War II. She turned on her answering machine during lunchtime so that she could watch the Oprah, but her biggest challenge came in the afternoon when a mother called to book the ballroom for her daughter's wedding in June. Leola assured the woman that it would be no problem and asked if she would be providing the flowers or did she want the hotel to take care of it. The mother said that she would prefer the hotel to handle the floral arrangements. Then the question of valet parking came up. Once again Leola was helpful. "There's no charge for valet parking, but we always recommend that the client tips the drivers." Within a few months, the Ribrock Plaza Motel was a disaster area. People kept showing up for weddings, bar mitzvahs, and Sweet Sixteen parties and were all told there were no such events. Leola had her final revenge when she read in the local paper that the motel might go bankrupt. Her phone rang, and an executive from Marriott said, "We're prepared to offer you $1.2 Million for the motel."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rhonney Jacobs, 43, Norfolk, Virginia Road-raging bonehead jailed for shooting himself in the groin Residents of a neighborhood in Virginia say that an angry driver mistakenly shot himself in the groin after they flagged him down for speeding around children. Neighbors in a Norfolk community told WTKR that they never thought that asking 43-year-old Rhonney Jacobs to slow down would escalate into a shooting. “My friends were standing right there in the yard and the guy came flying by and they were like ‘slow down, there’s kids’ and the guy did a U-turn and pulled over,” Ashley Summerson recalled. Witnesses said that Jacobs got out of his car and started waiving around a gun, and pushing and shoving, and then it went off. “Jacobs pulled his gun out trying to shoot one of them but he shot himself,” Summerson explained. “He was holding his groin and there was blood everywhere,” witness Zach Watson added. WTKR reported that the children were only feet away from where the gun went off. “I’m just happy none of the kids got hurt,” Watson said. “I’d rather get shot than one of these kids.” Jacobs was charged with discharging a firearm and brandishing a firearm, Tech Support Pits From: Julia Re: Better download for CrapCleaner Dear Webby When CrapCleaner, which I love!, wants to update, I wind up at weird download sites where they try to trap me on all kinds of detours. Why can't they have a quick and easy download without a lot of greedy fuss? Julia Dear Julia CrapCleaner is free. The programmers have donated their time and money to provide it to you for free. However, since they don't charge for it, they don't have the money to pay for the file transfer for Millions of downloads. So they allow download sites like FileHippo provide download locations. FileHippo makes money on that with all their advertising that they put in your path when you try to get your download. Actually, anybody, including you, can provide download locations for CrapCleaner. However, unless you have big, powerful servers and are willing to pay for the file transfer cost, don't try it. Since you are a subscriber, you can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. As long as you keep that fairly quiet, I won't have to restrict access to the toolbox. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Small Bottle I had an old glass Bo Peep Ammonia bottle. I was thrilled with it, because I love anything vintage. However, it had a very small mouth. The idea to clean it, was to use a small piece of a shim, cut lengthwise (make sure you cut a piece as small as the mouth of the bottle). You could use a wire if you have one, but it needs to be strong, not a bendable one. Then I put a baby bottle nipple brush on the end, and taped it on the "stick." It worked like a charm! Of course, you need to make a cleaning solution to dip the brush in to clean. You might actually have a piece of a shim stick in your house, so look before you go buy! :) By Kathy54 from Cincinnati, OH Here is the traditional method: Wrap the bottle with masking tape to protect it from breakage and to protect the label. Use some paper creased into V shape to fill it about 1/4 full with dried coffee grounds. Use a butter baster syringe to fill the bottle about 1/2 to 2/3 full with hot dish water. Put your thumb onto the opening and shake it vigorously for a minute. Let it stand a few minutes, shake it again. Drain it and fill it with clean rinse water and let it drain. That method of course works with larger bottles too and is my favorite method for cleaning out my big thermos. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Here is a delightful Classic: Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautifulmink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1,500." "Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2007 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price ... and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60,000!" "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." "What?" "It might seem like a lot, but I was reconciling your bank account and...well, I stopped by to see the real estate agent this morning and I saw the house we had looked at last year. It's on sale! Remember? The one with a pool, English garden, acre of park area, beachfront property..." "How much are they asking now?" "Only $450,000... a magnificent price, and I see that we have enough in the bank to cover he down payment..." "Well, then go ahead and buy it, if you can sign today, but just bid $420,000, OK?" "Okay, sweetie. Thanks! I'll see you later!! I love you!!!" "Bye." The man hangs up, closes the phone's flap and asks aloud, "Does anyone know whose phone this is?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border ...when he saw a large sign, , , , "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.65 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The attendant replied, " $3.10 ".

» Amazing Tree Houses

Today, Aug 8, in
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from 
 Aquitaine.
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the 
 South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there 
 in exile.
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith, Bringham Young was 
 chosen to lead the Mormons.
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
 mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils 
 for printing."
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall.
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain.
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war 
 on Japan.
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated mutual security pact
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons, largest oil tanker in the world.
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install 
 an artificial heart pump in a patient.
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign 
 the following day.
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus.
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and 
 Iran had begun.
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia.
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer was released by 
 his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more 
 than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud 
 in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more 
 hostages were released.
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South 
 Korea for membership.
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened.
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement.
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, 
 and several senior army officers defected.
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack 
 on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
 submarine in history to sink a warship. 
2013  smiled


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Convert formulas to values in Excel 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 7.

"Kirobo, a talking humanoid robot, has been launched into 
space and is headed to the International Space Station. From 
the article: 'Japan has launched the world's first talking 
humanoid robot "astronaut" toward the International Space 
Station. Kirobo — derived from the Japanese words for "hope" 
and "robot" — was among five tons of supplies and machinery 
on a rocket launched Sunday from Tanegashima in southwestern 
Japan, the Japan Aerospace Exploration Agency, or JAXA, said. 
The childlike robot was designed to be a companion for 
astronaut Koichi Wakata and will communicate with another 
robot on Earth, according to developers. Wakata is expected 
to arrive at the space station in November.'"

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The surprising thing about young fools is how many survive to become old fools. --- Doug Larson Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies
"Mr. Quinn, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife $775 a week." "That's very generous and fair of you, your honour," the husband said. "And every now and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."
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Judy was speeding and an officer pulled her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sunset in Sweden
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Corp, 35, Tavernier, Floriduh Jailed After Calling 911 To Stop His Ex-Girlfriend From Moving Out Of Their Apartment Reported by The Weekly Vice Matthew Corp, a 35-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed Saturday after he called 911 because his girlfriend decided to break off her relationship with him and move out. According to the Monroe County Sheriff's Office, Corp called 911 Saturday and told dispatchers that his "wife" had been kidnapped by two men driving in a U-Haul truck. Investigators say a notice was sent out to local law enforcement agencies to be on the lookout for the U-Haul while deputies were dispatched to Corp's home to gather additional information. When deputies arrived at Corp's apartment, they encountered two women walking out the door. One of the women told deputies that she was now Corp's "Ex-girlfriend" and in the process of moving out of his apartment. Corp, who was intoxicated, came out of the apartment and began to yell at deputies, according to a MCSO press release. Corp went on to say that he called in a false kidnapping report to keep his girlfriend from moving out. Corp was booked into the Monroe County Jail and charged with misuse of 911 and resisting arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Rod Re: Change formula to vaule in Excel Dear Webby How do you convert a formula to a value in Excel, so that neither the formula nor the original value is visible? In Quattro it is so easy, but I can't even find the instructions for that in the Excel Help. What's the big secret? Rod Dear Rod In the 80's there was some very hot competition in spreadsheets. After Lotus had copied the concept from Easycalc, they sued everybody, who used similar user interfaces. A bunch of law firms got very rich on that. Quattro had to change the user interface slightly, and when Excel came along, they had to be even more careful. That resulted in some not so elegant solutions. Convert To Values is one of those examples. In Quattro you select the area, then ALT E (Edit) V (conVert to Values) In Excel, select the Area, then Edit, Copy Edit, Paste Special select Values OK The end result is exactly the same, even though it does not seem to be logical or intuitive, if you are used to Quattro. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Ice pack For boo-boos, swelling or high fevers, slip a freezer-sized zipper bag into a tube sock THEN fill it with ice and zip. Tie a knot in the top of the sock, and you have an easy-to -manage ice pack that won't leak and easily conforms around knees, elbows, and foreheads. By Kelli Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an artists gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Dean of admissions at Bates College in Maine reads through reams of applications from nervous high school seniors, some maybe a little more nervous than others. Here are a few: "If there is a single word to describe me, that word would be 'profectionist'." "I was abducted into the National Honor Society." "I function well as an individual and a group." "Mathematics has hung like a stork around my neck."

» Hobbiton, New Zealand

Today, Aug 7, in
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by Congress.
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the 
 revolving door.
1914 Germany invaded France.
1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that 
 was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills.
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down the government's attempt to ban the 
 controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses."
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start 
 of the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during 
 World War II.
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a 
 six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed 
 into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago.
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture 
 of the Earth.
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of 
 communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious 
 TV and radio broadcasts.
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung 
 between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center.
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1 
 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life 
 on Mars.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops 
 and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible 
 invasion by Iraq.
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for 
 $200,000.
2013  smiled


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Deleting individual cookies 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 6.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The problem with political jokes is they get elected. --- Henry Cate VII "Paris Hilton's private diaries have been stolen. Whoever stole the diaries had access to her bedroom, so it could have been anyone." --- Conan O'Brien Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
>From Carol My family has a tradition of naming the cruise control on our cars. We were used to hearing my father proclaim, "Take it, Max," as he flipped on the cruise control during long trips in our station wagon. Recently, I was traveling with my parents in their new car when we hit a wide-open expanse of highway. My dad leaned back and said, "I think I'll let Tom drive for a while." "Tom who?" I asked. My mother translated for me: "Tom Cruise, of course."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


The CIA had an opening for an assassin. After all of the background checks, interviews, and testing were done there were three finalists, --two men and a woman. For the final test, the CIA agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions, no matter what the circumstances. Inside of this room, you will find your wife sitting in a chair. Kill her." The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about five minutes. Then the man came out with tears in his eyes. "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don't have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions to kill her husband. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one shot after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman. She wiped the sweat from her brow, and calmly said, "This gun is loaded with blanks. I had to beat him to death with the chair."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version They heard!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brita West, Huntsville Tennessee Bride Becomes Inmate After Attempting To Pass Drugs To Inmate Boyfriend By Hiding Them Inside Her Dentures Reported by The Weekly Vice Brita West, a Huntsville Tennessee woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly tried to pass drugs to her inmate boyfriend by hiding them inside her dentures. According to the Scott County Sheriff's Office, West was preparing to get married to her inmate boyfriend at the Huntsville Detention Center Sunday when her status changed from "bride" to "inmate" within a matter of minutes. Investigators say West was being searched in preparation for the jailhouse wedding when a deputy noticed that her dentures kept falling out of place. Upon closer inspection, deputies saw a package inside her mouth that she attempted to hide between her dentures and gum. The package was searched and was later determined to contain methamphetamine and suboxone strips. During a search of West's purse and car, deputies uncovered more meth, several syringes, and a crushed pill. West was booked into the same jail and charged with possession of meth, possession of schedule 3 narcotics and introducing drugs into a detention facility. She remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Marcy Re: Deleting individual cookies Dear Webby; Thank you for the information. Now for the stupid question ~How do I clear just that cookie? I have used a computer for about 7 years, but I really don't have much knowledge of how to do things unless someone tells me. I If you have the time, could you please tell me how to remove just one or two cookies? Thank you~ Marcy Dear Marcy The easiest way to sort out and clean your cookies is with CrapCleaner. In case you are one of the very few subscribers who have not gotten CrapCleaner yet, go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and grab it. It's free! In CrapCleaner go to OPTIONS, COOKIES and drag the keepers (bank, Amazon, Barns&Noble, etc) to the right, and the ones you don't need to the left. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Squeak from a Squeaky Toy Meal Planning Saves Money It's a chore that I hate, but admittedly, Meal Planning saves me the most grocery money. I use recipe sites to decide dinner for the next week or two, saving the recipes to my Bookmarks. I make enough of one meal to have leftovers for another day at least, saving me electricity and labor to boot. Having staples on hand for breakfast and is easy enough. Cereal, waffles, eggs and frozen sausage make up quickly during the work week for breakfast. And leftovers are effortless lunches which can be packed the night prior. Then I just include some sandwich fixings and my list is complete. Since I've done this for a year now, I know most of my list prior because of staples. Then it's just a matter of sorting through my saved recipes for the rest. By Lakesta C. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After living in the remote wilderness of Kentucky all his life, an old hillbilly decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it. Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him, "How about that! Here's a picture of my daddy." He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he remembered his wife, didn't like his father. So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving for the fields, he would go there and look at it. His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the barn. One day after her husband left, she searched the barn and found the mirror. As she looked into the glass, she fumed, "So that's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"

» Fancy Fruit Parlor

Today, Aug 6, in
1787 The Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia began. 
 The articles of the U.S. Constitution draft were to be 
 debated.
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor 
 Francis II abdicated.
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru.
1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia 
 declared war against Germany.
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in 
 New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore.
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, 
 dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The 
 bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of 
 Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property 
 in Cuba began.
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the 
 British Commonwealth.
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false 
 alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze 
 due to a grease fire.
1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the 
 Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest surviving 
 recipient of a permanent artificial heart.
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade 
 embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for 
 invading Kuwait.
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers 
 in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first 
 atomic bombing.
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive 
 life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite 
 that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed 
 to have come from Mars and contained a fossil.
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology 
 in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival.
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 
 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship 
 with U.S. President Clinton. 
2013  smiled


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Copying from the net to a doc 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 5.

From Dr Bill
I have ripe white figs here on the Gulf of Mexico
Bill

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it. --- Russel Lynes
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the green pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the blue pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


It's forty below zero one August night in Southern Australia. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." And Pat pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shana Suggs, McAlester, OK Jailed After Setting 5-Year-Old Girl On Fire During Lice Treatment Reported by The Weekly Vice Shana Suggs, a 25-year-old Oklahoma woman, has been jailed after she allegedly poured gasoline on her daughter's head to treat a head lice problem - and ended up setting the little girl on fire instead. According to police, Suggs was attempting to treat her 5-year-old daughter's head lice problem when she brought the little girl into a bathroom and began pouring gasoline over her head. Investigators say a nearby water heater ignited on the gasoline fumes, which set both Suggs and the little girl on fire. Sugg's boyfriend reportedly heard screams coming from the bathroom and used a jacket to smother out the flames - but not before the little girl was severely burned. Prosecutors say the child suffered second and third-degree burns to more than 60 percent of her body. Although the incident occurred in January, the girl continues to receive burn treatments at a Tulsa burn center and a Texas Shriner Hospital. After a long investigation, Suggs was booked into the Pittsburg County Jail and charged with child abuse by injury. Her case is expected to go to trial in January. She remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. ------- Shana Suggs has a Facebook page, and could have easily looked up safe and effective lice remedies. Tech Support Pits From: Shirley Re: Copying from the net to a doc Dear Webby, My husband had a program on our computer that would let me copy and paste to it and then copy and paste to a word doc and then I could make any changes I wanted to and when my puter broke and went to the shop it came back without it and I don't remember the name and my husband has passed so I can't ask him. HELP I used it mainly to copy recipes and re-arrange and delete garbage from them. Shirley Dear Shirley Open a WORD doc and what you want to copy from side by side. Simply smear (select) what you want with your mouse hit CTRL C to copy ALT TAB back to the WORD doc CTRL V to paste ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from Smear (select ) the next batch hit CTRL C to copy ALT TAB back to the WORD doc CTRL V to paste ALT TAB back to the page, where you are copying from Smear (select ) the next batch and so on. Pictures you usually have to copy separately by right-clicking them, and selecting Copy Image Then you can paste it with CTRL V into a graphics program for resizing, and from there you can copy it for pasting into your WORD doc. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing the Squeak from a Squeaky Toy A potato peeler is an excellent tool for removing the squeaker from a child's (or pet's) irritating toy! By emmamartineau Keep the loudest one by the phone for annoying telemarketers! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A farmer was driving along the road with a load of fertilizer. A little boy, playing in front of his house, saw him and called, "What've you got in your wagon?" "Manure," the farmer replied. "What are you going to do with it?" asked the little boy. "Put it on strawberries," answered the farmer. "You ought to live here," the little boy advised him. "We put sugar on ours."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While working in the psychology department at Glen Oaks Community College in Centreville, MI, I was asked to enlarge a chart for a meeting. I called the copy room and asked, "Can I get something blown up down there?" After a pause the voice on the line replied, "I think you want the chemistry lab."

» 3D Lightening

Today, Aug 5, in
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population 
 was approximately 250.
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. 
 The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
 was rescinded in 1872.
1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone 
 for the Statue of Liberty was laid.
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, 
 Ohio.
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 
 348 Jewish prisoners were freed.
1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at 
 Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch.
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese 
 boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. 
 Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth.
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking 
 air traffic controllers.
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly 
 created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The 
 works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period.
1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began 
 meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of 
 the Nicaraguan Contra bases.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the 
 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about 
 secret biological weapons.
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating 
 with U.N. weapons inspectors.
1998 Marie Noe of Philadelphia, PA was arrested and charged 
 with first-degree murder, accused of smothering eight of 
 her children to death between 1949 and 1968. Noe later 
 received 20 years' probation.
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. 
 The consulate was closed after local authorities removed 
 large concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of 
 the building to normal traffic.
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter 
 had captured photographic evidence of possible liquid 
 water on Mars during warm seasons.
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force 
 Station on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first 
 solar-powered spacecraft to go to Jupiter. 
2013  smiled


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Frozen HP Touchpad 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 4.

Thanks to all who wrote to tell me, that Tupperware is still
around.

Tupperware is overpriced, 
but considering the food and the 5:1 female:male ratio at 
traditional Tupperware parties, quite justified. If I got 
an invitation to a Tupperware party, I would  free up some 
time for it, and I would break a piggy bank and cash the 
coins to have plenty of money to buy stuff.

However, I won't buy it on the net and take money out of 
the mouths of some good Tupperware seller's kids.

I buy other stuff on the net, but  with Tupperware prices 
I insist on the traditional party.


The raspberries are sure tasting great and it is difficult
to put three into the basket for every one I eat on the spot.
With the Saskatoons that is a lot  easier. This fall I am 
going to trim the Saskatoon bushes down to six feet. Ten or
more  feet are ridiculous! Sure, the branches are flexible 
and can be pulled down, but that is unnecessary work. They
will just spread more to the sides. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Strange as it seems, no amount of learning can cure stupidity, and higher education positively fortifies it. --- Stephen Vizinczey Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling (1865 - 1936)
>From Lisa Our family owned restaurant is the setting for many of our discussions about how to handle the customer who asks, "What's good tonight?" Obviously, we would never serve anything we didn't think was good. I braced myself one Saturday night when I heard the dreaded question posed to my husband. He calmly replied, "Anything over $13.95."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


>From Ann One morning I was called to pick up my son at the school nurse's office. When I walked through the main entrance, I noticed a woman, curlers in her hair, wearing pajamas. "Why are you dressed like that?" I asked her. "I told my son," she explained, "that if he ever did anything to embarrass me, I would embarrass him back. He was caught cutting school. So now I've come to spend the day with him!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Lee Toben, 86, Virginia Beach, VA Jailed After Waving Sex Toy At Customers In Grocery Store Parking Lot Reported by The Weekly Vice Joseph Lee Toben, an 86-year-old Virginia man, has been jailed after he was allegedly seen in a grocery store parking lot attempting to solicit sex with a sex toy. According to police, Toben was in a Farm Fresh parking located on Independence Blvd., when he drew the attention of two men. Investigators say the men saw Toben inside his vehicle attempting to solicit sexual contact with several customers while waving a sex toy about. When officers arrived on the scene, Toben was still at the location harassing customers. Toben was booked into jail and charged with obscene sexual display. He was released on bond a few hours later. Tech Support Pits From: Sally Re: HP Touchpad Dear Webby, Have read you site for probably close to 15 years. I now have a problem and no one to ask. Got this item for Xmas about a year and a half ago. I got on the www site and looked for phone numbers to call and then spent the afternoon doing just that. Called all of the numbers and was passed on to another person who spoke so fast and not very clear. At the end was told to go do what I had already done and also to call a certain number that had been disconnected. What a waste of time. Small town, no repair people, and I am at a lose as to trash it and buy something else. Is a HP 10 inch and nice when working but maybe I am out of my league. Have had a WebTV for so long and has such a good e-mail program and they are going out of business at the end of Sept. Need to get something and get info transferred. Any help would be appreciated. A senior citizen, Sally Dear Sally Don't expect support from HP. From what I heard, they are busy giving the Taliban a bad name. I don't know anybody who accepts HP Touchpads for repair, because apparently that would cost more than to buy one off eBay. That just leads to arguments and unhappy customers. Consider buying one off eBay, or else buying a Google Chrome Book like the Acer C7 for $199 http://www.google.com/intl/en/chrome/de ... html#ac-c7 It has everything you might need, actually a lot more than your HP touchpad had. It has a real keyboard AND a touchpad, and sockets to connect mouse, big speakers, big HiDef TV screen, etc. Plus, with Acer you get real support. It has * Browsing * Email * Hard Drive for storage * Cloud Storage for back-up * Instant connectivity, even on airplanes * Google Hangout for playing intercontinental poker or hearts or whatever, even with the players on different continents * Camera built in for video conferencing (Like I do every day with my dad in Austria) All of that is installed and working, the moment you unpack it and turn it on. You can, of course download and install all kinds of programs, but I have a hunch, the installed stuff will be plenty for you. It might be years before you add more programs. A Chrome Book is not a powerful starwars machine for juveniles to brag about on the school bus, but it has what you want, ready to run. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tote Bags on Decorative Hooks I have two pretty, sturdy tote bags hanging on decorative hooks on my bedroom wall. You'd be surprised how much they hold. I have wallets, extra pairs of glasses, etc. Things that I don't want to get rid of, but don't want taking up room elsewhere. I found one of the pretty totes at a thrift store for $2.70 after my senior discount. By Betty from Lubbock, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Mr. Clark, I'm afraid I have some bad news for you," the doctor told his anxious patient, "You only have six months to live." The man sat in stunned silence for the next several minutes. Regaining his composure, he apologetically told his physician that he had no medical insurance -- "I can't possibly pay you in that time." "OK," said the doctor, "Let's make it a year."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Phil from Oz for this story: One day some soldiers from a nearby Army camp saw a boy leading a donkey. They thought they would have some fun with him. "Say, boy," called out one of the soldiers. "You sure are keeping a tight rein on your brother, aren't you?" "Sure am," said the boy. "If I didn't he would probably join the Army."

» 3D Lightening

Today, Aug 4, in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal 
 of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly 
 Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal 
 governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not 
 libelous."
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason.
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval 
 task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard.
1821 "The Saturday Evening Post" was published for the first 
 time as a weekly.
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. The U.S. 
 proclaimed its neutrality.
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested 
 eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one 
 of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after 
 her death.
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada.
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle 
 over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph.
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the 
 English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes.
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks, ND.
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to 
 Burkina Faso.
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal 
 Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that radio 
 and TV stations present controversial issues in a balanced 
 fashion.
1987 A new 22-cent U.S. stamp honoring noted author William 
 Faulkner, went on sale in Oxford, MS. Faulkner had been 
 fired as postmaster of that same post office in 1924.
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from 
 Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion 
 of the oil-rich Kuwait.
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South 
 Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179 
 crewmembers survived.
1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The 
 border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed.
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American 
 journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for 
 illegal entry earlier in the year. 
2013  smiled


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Computer up on blocks 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 3.

The raspberries are finally ripening. I managed to pick a
nice bowl full, even though the ripest ones went straight 
into my mouth. I filled them into the smallest fake 
Tupperware containers from Glad, about the size of a muffin
and just right for one meal from me. 

Is Tupperware still around? Have not heard about it for
many years.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective
A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4-car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!"
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


A farmer wins the ten million dollar lottery and is being interviewed. He is asked what he is going to do with all the money. "Oh, I guess the first thing I'll do is go and pay a few bills." "And what about the rest?" the reporter asks. Farmer shrugs. "Well, I guess they'll just have to wait"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Relics of early Newfies or the aliens, that landed in Newfoundland, where Hagar The Horrible's Great-Grand-Dad landed 1000 years ago?
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Penny Dane, Daytona beach, Floriduh Police Sgt caught playing Internet porno games on the job Reported by Arca Max Penny Dane, a Daytona Beach Police Sergeant, resigned after she admitted posting nude pictures of herself online while on-duty, CBS affiliate WKMG reports. Dane, who worked in law enforcement for approximately 18 years, admitted to accessing and sending sexually explicit pictures as part of an online game called "Red Light Center," the station reports. Chief Mike Chitwood said he was flabbergasted after viewing the nearly 300 photos and videos that Sgt. Dane accessed using her city-owned computers and internet. In all, 177 images were found on Dane's office desktop computer, 97 images were found on the laptop inside her marked patrol car and at least 23 of the pics were of the sergeant herself. "Extremely pornographic in nature, and in several of the photos that we have since discovered, she was in her uniform," said Chief Chitwood. Investigators were reportedly tipped off by Dane herself when she accused another officer of sexual harassment. After a review of her own e-mails, the self-incriminating evidence was discovered. Dane's sexual harassment claims later proved false. Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Computer up on blocks Dear Webby, Putting your puter on a brick or some sort of wooden block will lessen the amount of dust that can accumulate around the base. Usually just a couple of inches makes a big difference. Wes Dear Wes Yes, that will help a bit with the bigger dust bunnies. However, it does not get you out of opening the side lid and vacuuming the inside and cleaning the heat sinks. Keep in mind that you have two or more powerful fans sucking unfiltered room air into the computer, getting the impurities deposited inside, and blowing clean hot air out the back. Yes, I know it's a stupid way to do it, and I have never hesitated to say so. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Practical Vases For Flowers The dollar stores have become very handy for me. When I go, I get several plastic (or glass if they have it) vases to keep at home. When I want to take flowers to someone, I purchase them for a reasonable price from either a market or a bulk produce place. I then clean them up, cut down the stems, and put them in one of the vases I purchased. I usually put a bit of water in the vase but not enough to spill when moving. This way, when I give the flowers to the recipient all they need to do is fill with more water and place wherever they choose. This way, they do not need to hunt for something to put the flowers in. I use platters or bowels from the dollar store the same way. This way, I do not have to worry about retrieving the item I brought my food in. By Sharon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
There was a little old lady from a small town in Arkansas who had to go to Texas. She was amazed at the size of her hotel and her suite. She went into the huge cafe and said to the waitress, who took her order for a cup of coffee, that she had never before seen anything as big as the hotel or her suite. "Everything's big in Texas ma'am," said the waitress. The coffee came in the biggest cup the old lady had ever seen. "I told you, ma'am, that everything is big in Texas," said the waitress. On her way back to her suite, the old lady got lost in the vast corridors. She opened the door of a darkened room and fell into an enormous swimming pool. "Please!" she screamed. "Don't flush it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An eighty-three year old woman finished her annual physical examination, whereupon her doctor said, "You are in fine shape for your age, but tell me, do you still have intercourse?" "Just a minute; I'll have to ask my husband," she said. She went out to the reception room and said, "Bubba, do we still have intercourse?" Bubba answered impatiently, "If I told you once, I told you a thousand times. We have Blue Cross!"

» Goofy Dogs

Today, Aug 3, in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
 The voyage would lead him to what is now known as the 
 Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12.
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded.
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day 
 World War I began when Britain declared war on Germany.
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
  $2.75.
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
 Spain due to the Spanish Civil War.
1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island.
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
 Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation 
 Sunshine."
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional 
 Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They 
 were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned.
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise 
 Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or 
 stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver.
1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made 
 between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels.
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been 
 taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane 
 in Moscow's Red Square.
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles 
 of the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world 
 concerns that the invasion of Kuwait could spread.
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually 
 end the testing of nuclear weapons.
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet 
 under joint command. The agreement was to last for 
 three years.
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to 
 face charges that he had driven the van that blew up 
 in New York's World Trade Center.
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the 
 public. The site had been closed since the terrorist 
 attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
 journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in 
 March 2011.
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to 
 declare the right of indigenous people to govern 
 themselves.
2013  smiled


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Ho to get rid of Hotspot Shield 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 2.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you Cookie!!


WASHINGTON – The U.S. Army has ordered its personnel not to 
go to the latest postings on the website of the British 
newspaper The Guardian to read revelations of information 
given to its reporter because it contains a “TOP SECRET 
slide show.”

The slide show is about how the NSA spies on US soldiers 
and other tax payers.
The Guardian’s story is mainly about the NSA's new toy, the
XKeyscore, which is an NSA data mining software tool that 
gives the analyst accesses to “everything a user does on 
the Internet.”

I find it rather sad, that the military forbids the soldiers
to read what is public knowledge in other countries, and what
really concerns them!
That puts Snowden and Manning into a totally different light.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a pack of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but...he didn't mention anything about including matches in the package, did he?"
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Jack had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jack. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "Oh boy, dad, did I get it all wrong," Jack groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nafeesa Robinson and Paul Sherman, Osceola County, Floriduh Counterfit Bills, Car Burglary and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor Reported by Sheriff's Office News Releases Osceola County Sheriff's detectives arrested Nafeesa Robinson and Paul Sherman and charged them with three counts of Unoccupied Car Burglary, three counts of Criminal Mischief, three counts of Petit Theft, Possession of Burglary Tools, Possession of Counterfeit Bills and Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor. On July 28 deputies with the Community Response Team West and Tourist Policing Unit were conducting an undercover operation on West 192. The operation was in response to recent car burglaries in Osceola, Orange and Lake counties which targeted restaurant parking lots, specifically employee's vehicles. The suspects would break the car windows with a punch or brass knuckles, steal handbags and use the stolen credit cards to make purchases at local stores. Based on the investigation, detectives obtained information Sherman and his wife, Robinson were possible suspects. On July 28 detectives observed Sherman and Robinson break into a vehicle at the Target located at 3200 Rolling Oaks Boulevard. During the burglary, they had their 6-year-old son with them. Also, in their possession were $650 dollars in counterfeit bills. Robinson and Sherman were placed into custody and cooperated with the investigation. Detectives obtained a search warrant for their residence located at 5512 Huber Drive in Orlando and they found stolen property and additional counterfeit bills. Based on their statements and the evidence, Sherman and Robinson were arrested and booked into the Osceola County Jail. The Department of Children and Families was contacted and the child was released to another family member. The investigation is on-going with additional charges pending. By the way, his head gear is not something religious. It is a fresh bandage. Tech Support Pits From: Sidney Re: How to get rid of Hotspot Shield Dear Webby, My daughter got our computer infected with some crap called Hotspot Shield. It is the most obnoxious and useless crap I have EVER seen. It messes up the email connection, blocks perfectly good web sites, blocks SSH connections to my own domains, etc. If you can't find a way to get rid of it by nightfall, that computer will get a metal stake pounded through it, a few gallons of tar and diesel poured on it and set on fire, to exorcise it! Sidney Dear Sidney Relax. No need to set it on fire. Click on START Control Panel Programs and Features (What used to be ADD/REMOVE Programs) In there, look for Hotspot Right-click it and select UNinstall That will take a while. Afterward run CrapCleaner to complete the cleanup. By the way, I have seen Hotspot Shield on a computer, and I can fully understand and appreciate your feelings. Hotspot Shield is one of the worst programs ever written. I would classify it as Malware. Those idiots simply don't understand the net and how we use it. For example, hijacking your email and running it through their server might be expected, if you are in the US Military and they want to check all your email, but like most businesses I have safeguards in place, that lock up, when they detect what we call a "Man In The Middle Attack". The same goes with command line access to servers and FTP. What Hotspot Shield does is treated like any attack. I can recognize that kind of attack, but most people are simply tempted to use a metal stake and tar and diesel. So, if any of you ever see "Hotspot Shield" mentioned, the answer is NO!!!! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Nearly Free Wall Art A bare wall is a blank canvas waiting to be decorated. However, art can be expensive. I have found that I can decorate my walls at little or no cost simply by using photos from books or magazines. Cheap picture frames can be found at Dollar Stores, yard sales, and thrift stores. I cut out and mount pictures from magazines I subscribe to or find free at various locations. A local library has over-sized books available at their book sale for $1. The book covers are well worn or damaged but the pages inside are usually in good condition. Nature and gardening books often have beautiful pictures in them that look fantastic when framed. I can very inexpensively create a wall of pictures that relate to things I'm passionate about, such as nature scenes, animals and flowers. I like to frequently alter my decor but my budget doesn't allow me to purchase new room accessories very often. Just placing new "free" pictures on the wall will alter the atmosphere and appearance of a room. Temporarily removing standard pictures and replacing them with holiday pictures is an inexpensive way to decorate for Christmas. By VeronicaHB from Asheboro, NC To create the feeling of more space, get an old window or door, that has dividers and small panes. Take some nice scenery picture from the Humor Letter and divide it the same way the window or door is divided. Print and trim the "panes" and stick them onto the door or window. Naturally, if the room is a day use room, choose a daylight picture. Your first "printed window" might be a learning experience, but you will quickly get the hang of it. If you attach the printed panes with double-sided removable tape (similar to Post-It Notes), or a glue stick with the same removable glue, then you can quickly change the view, depending on whether you expect your in-laws or your secret lover. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A teacher asked one of the boys in her class, "Can people predict the future with cards?" His response was, "My mother can." The teacher replied, "Really?" The young boy was quick to explain, "Yes, she takes one look at my report card and tells me what will happen when my father gets home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Goldie: The preacher came over the other day. He said that, at my age, I should be thinking of the hereafter. I told him that I do it all the time. No matter where I am, in the parlor, upstairs, in the kitchen, or down in the basement, I ask myself, "Now, what am I here after?"

» Beach Art

Today, Aug 2, in
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their 
 signatures to the Declaration of Independence.
1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a 
 joint patent for their nail-making machine.
1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were 
 installed along streets.
1861 The United States Congress passed the first income tax. 
 The  revenues were intended for the war effort against 
 the South. The tax was never enacted.
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire.
1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator.
1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first 
 showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining 
 of picture and sound for movies.
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt 
 urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program.
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act 
 prohibited civil service employees from taking an active 
 part in political campaigns.
1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after 
 being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under 
 the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy.
1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded.
1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese 
 attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin.
1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. 
 Iraq claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by 
 exceeding production quotas set by OPEC.
1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers. 
 The two were said to have been caught spying on military sights.
2013  smiled


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Best Location for computer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 1.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Creativity is a drug I cannot live without. --- Cecil B. DeMille (1881 - 1959) Make sure to be in with your equals if you're going to fall out with your superiors. --- Jewish Proverb Most people are other people. Their thoughts are someone else's opinions, their lives a mimicry, their passions a quotation. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Write something to suit yourself and many people will like it; write something to suit everybody and scarcely anyone will care for it. --- Jesse Stuart
Two psychiatrists were at a convention. As they conversed over a drink, one asked, "What was your most difficult case?" The other replied, "I had a patient who lived in a pure fantasy world. He believed that an uncle in South America was going to die and leave him a fortune. All day long he waited for a letter to arrive from an attorney. He never went out, he never did anything, he merely sat around and waited for this fantasy letter from this fantasy uncle. I worked with this man eight years." "What was the result?" "It was an eight-year struggle. Every day for eight years, but I finally cured him. And then that stupid letter arrived!"
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The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version View from my office, actually the deck outside it at 9 PM
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jay Riley, 21, Woodbridge, VA Jailed After Bringing Computer To Police Station, Asking Officers If He Was Wanted On Child Pornography Charges Reported by The Weekly Vice Jay Riley, a 21-year-old Virginia man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly brought his computer to a police station, and asked officers if they wanted to arrest him on child pornography charges. According to Prince William County Police, Riley was surfing porn sites on his computer last week when an "FBI Warning Message" popped up on his screen. Investigators say the message told Riley that he needed to pay a fine or be subject to a child pornography criminal investigation. Taking the message seriously, Riley packed up his computer, headed down to his local police station and asked officers if there were any child porn warrants for his arrest. Officers searched Riley's computer and found several inappropriate photographs and chat log messages Riley had exchanged with a 13-year-old girl from Minnesota. Armed with a search warrant, detectives seized a computer and several other electronic devices from Riley's home. Riley was booked into jail and charged with 3 counts of possessing child pornography, 1 count of using a communication device to solicit certain offenses involving children and 1 count of indecent liberties with a minor. The message that prompted Riley to go to a police station was later determined to be a virus that had been downloaded to his computer. Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: Location for computer Dear Webby, What is a better location for my computer, in a snug cubbyhole on my desk, or on the floor below the desk? Allan Dear Allan On the floor, without any doubt whatsoever. You have to be able to get at the cables on the back. That alone rules out a snug cubbyhole. However, the most important reason is cooling. There is nothing that kills a computer faster than inadequate cooling. It needs unresticted air flow that it can draw through the computer ONCE. Not re-use the heated air for that. Just put it on the floor and once or twice a year vacuum out the dust bunnies and clean the heat sinks. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fixing a Stuck Zipper If your zipper is stuck, use a graphite pencil along the teeth back and front and, presto, it works again! By shi Try to get the zipper to close again with just water as the lubricant. Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth. Wash and dry with the zipper still closed. Iron the fabric that holds the zipper teeth, again. While still hot, run a thin line of rubber cement or any clear flexible glue onto the fabric along the teeth. Just on the fabric side, not across the teeth! The idea is to stengthen the fabric, that had lost it's strength to hold the teeth at the proper angle. Let the glue set overnight. After that, the zipper will be like new. Especially if you had used a graphite pencil or a spray of WD40 to get home, the washing part is essential! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times do I have I to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father. "Now in the future you will always come downstairs like that." "OK," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Granddaddy, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh", she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

» Pretty Pictures
For US

Today, Aug 1, in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela).
1619 The first black Americans (20) arrived at Jamestown, VA.
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist 
 Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly.
1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total 
 population of 3,929,214 recorded.
1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire.
1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. 
 The design was done for San Francisco, CA.
1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and 
 William Ford.
1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute 
 was over control of Korea.
1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division 
 that later became the U.S. Air Force.
1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of 
 World War I.
1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as 
 they opened in Berlin.
1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation 
 began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish 
 forces surrendered.
1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. 
 It was the first of this type in America.
1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) 
 was created by the United States and Canada.
1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal 
 to buy CBS for $5.4 billion.
2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power 
 when he gave his brother Raul authority while he 
 underwent an intestinal surgery.
2013  smiled


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What is Rule 240 ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Here's a rule I recommend: Never practice two vices at once. --- Tallulah Bankhead (1903 - 1968) Many people would sooner die than think; In fact, they do so. --- Bertrand Russell
A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man. After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?" "Well, that's my house there." "What's that next hut?" asks the sailor. "I built that hut to be my church." "What about the other hut?" "Oh, that's where I used to go to church."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


At a jury trial with the jury consisting of 4 men and 8 women: Defendant: "Your Honor, I wish to change my plea." Judge: "Is someone using undue influence to prompt you to change your mind?" Defendant: "No sir, when I pled 'Not Guilty' I didn't know there would be women on the jury. Since my wife always has her mind made up beforehand and resents it, when I try to confuse her with facts, I'll never be able to convince 8 women jurors."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version This was the top part of a 6 foot tall cactus, that fell over and broke into pieces. Dad let the pieces dry a month, then planted them into separate pots. As you can see, they bloomed quite nicely.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julie Hautzenroeder, 36, Colerain Township, Ohio Teacher - Charged With Having Sex With Two Students Reported by The Weekly Vice Julie Hautzenroeder, a 36-year-old science teacher at Colerain High School, has been indicted on sex charges after she allegedly had sex with two students. According to the Hamilton County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched back in May of this year after school officials received information that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with a 16-year-old student. As the investigation unfolded, it was reportedly learned that Hautzenroeder had become sexually involved with two students who she had hired to babysit her daughter. The first student reportedly attends Colerain High School, however the age and location of the second student has not yet been released. According to court records, Hautzenroeder allegedly had intercourse with one students and oral sex with the second student. Hautzenroeder has been indicted on two counts of sexual battery. Tech Support Pits From: Glenis Re: Rule 240 Dear Webby, You travel a lot. What is "Rule 240" really about, and how does it apply under the current security restrictions? Glenis Dear Glenis I used to travel a fair bit, but that is not in the current budget. Re Rule 240, I bet you saw somebody march up to a ticket counter, mentioning "Rule 240", and how she was instantly given wads of hotel vouchers and tickets. "Rule 240" used to be the federal compensation schedule for passengers inconvenienced by delays due to air line mess-ups. Nowadays each airline has their own "Rule 240" filed with the DOT. The "Rule 240" filings are usually quite straight forward. IF you were at the gate on time, and IF there was no force majeure" events: weather, strikes, "acts of God," or other occurrences, that the airlines say they cannot control, or you miss a connection because they were late, they promise to put you up in a decent hotel, give you alternate tickets and meal vouchers. Where the fun comes in is that 99% of the airport counter staff have at one time or another heard about "Rule 240", but have no clue where they can find the copy that is supposed to be at each counter. So they usually fall all over themselves to err on the safe side, rather than get in trouble. If the take-off is delayed because of security problems, then the air line is theoretically off the hook, but very few counter staffers know enough about "Rule 240" to intelligently dispute the points, and rather give you vouchers. The European equivalent is EU Regulation 261/2004. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Be Careful With DIY Beauty Treatments So I just threw in three ingredients in an attempt to clear an oily nose; some lime juice, toothpaste and some scrub. As soon as I put it on it started to burn! I thought that it was just the side effect of the toothpaste but seven minutes later, it's still burning. I've decided to just leave it on for the full fifteen minutes, but I'm afraid of the result. Not pacticulary asking for help but just giving out a warning to potential DIY'ers. Don't do this! By KittyKakes E. Also avoid using dynamite or chainsaws for facial cleaning. That would be just as dumb. Simply sneak out to the garage and look for a can of Waterless Handcleaner. You can also buy it at Walmart, Home Depot, or any automotive parts & accessories store. Waterless Handcleaner is a gentle paste. Dip the tip of a finger into it, smear it onto your greasy nose, and wipe it off with paper towel or facial tissue. That's all there is to it! Believe me, industry would grind to a screching halt, if you took away waterless handcleaner. By the way, it also works very well to remove tar splatters or spray paint from cars, and has effectively removed grease and oil from mechanics faces and hands for over a hundred years. And it doesn't take much. "A little dab'll do ya." Some brands have a hint of lanolin (wool oil) in it to protect the skin after the cleaner has deep cleaned it and removed ALL oil and grease.It doesn't make your skin feel oily, but not dry either. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Sister Mary, who worked for a home health agency, was out making her rounds visiting homebound patients when she ran out of gas. As luck would have it, a gas station was just a block away. She walked to the station to borrow a gas can and buy some gas. The attendant told her that the only gas can he owned had been loaned out, but she could wait until it was returned. Since the nun was on the way to see a patient, she decided not to wait and walked back to her car. She looked for something in her car that she could fill with gas and spotted the bedpan she was taking to the patient. Always resourceful, she carried the bedpan to the station, filled it with gas, and carried the full bedpan back to her car. As she was pouring the gas into her tank, two men watched from across the street. One of the them turned to the other and said, "If it starts, I'm becoming a Catholic."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Lila DearWebby, can you please run that hilarious story about the fallen cake again? Thanks, Lila OK, here it is: Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church ladies' group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute. She remembered it the morning of the bake sale and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying her hair and dressing and helping her son Bryan pack up for Scout camp. But when Alice took the cake from the oven, the center had dropped flat and the cake was horribly disfigured. She said, "Oh dear, there's no time to bake another cake." This cake was so important to Alice because she did so want to fit in at her new church, and in her new community of new friends. So, being inventive, she looked around the house for something to build up the center of the cake. Alice found it in the bathroom -- a roll of toilet paper. She plunked it in and then covered it with icing. Not only did the finished product look beautiful, it looked perfect! Before she left the house to drop the cake by the church and head for work, Alice woke her daughter Amanda and gave her some money and specific instructions to be at the bake sale the minute it opened at 9:30, and to buy that cake and bring it home. When the daughter arrived at the sale, she found that the attractive perfect cake had already been sold. Amanda grabbed her cell phone and called her Mom. Alice was horrified she was beside herself. Everyone would know, what would they think? Oh, my she wailed! She would be ostracized, talked about, ridiculed. All night Alice lay awake in bed thinking about people pointing their fingers at her and talking about her behind her back. The next day, Alice promised herself that she would try not to think about the cake and she would attended the fancy luncheon/bridal shower at the home of a friend of a friend and try to have a good time. Alice did not really want to attend because the hostess was a snob who more than once had looked down her nose at the fact that Alice was a single parent and not from the founding families of Tuscaloosa, but having already RSVP 'd she could not think of a believable excuse to stay home. The meal was elegant, the company was definitely upper crust old South... and to Alice's horror, the CAKE in question was presented for dessert. Alice felt the blood drain from her body when she saw the cake, she started, out of her chair to rush to tell her hostess all about it, but before she could get to her feet, the Mayor's wife said, "What a beautiful cake!" Alice, who was still stunned, sat back in her chair when she heard the hostess (who was a prominent church member) say, Thank you, I baked it myself." Alice smiled and thought to herself, "GOD is good."

» Dominoes
For US

Today, July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
 Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad.
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins 
 for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. 
 The substance was used in fertilizer.
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted.
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. 
 He introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows 
 on the South Seas."
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched 
 a series of cars under his name.
1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in 
 Austria.
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became 
 the youngest person to swim the English Channel.
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures 
 of the moon's surface.
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time 
 in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV).
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices.
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape 
 reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage 
 William R. Higgins.
1991 U.S. President George H. Bush and Soviet President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty.
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital 
 Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal.
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. 
 It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's 
 surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998.
2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature 
 length films sold. 
2013  smiled


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Alternate SMTP Servers 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 30.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - )
Thanks to Irma for this story: One day, while driving with my 5 year old daughter Melanie, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I said, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't yell '@#$%&!' after beeping!"
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A woman was getting swamped with calls from strangers. The reason? A billing service had launched an 800 number that was identical to hers. When she called to complain, she was told to get a new number. "I've had mine for twenty years," she pleaded. "Couldn't you change yours?" The company refused, so she said, "Fine. From now on, I'm going to tell everyone who calls that their billing service had screwed up and not to worry about their bill." The company got a new number the next day.
Click on the picture for the large version Yesterday morning from my office window.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brian O'Neill, 25, St. Charles, Mo. Jailed After Repeatedly Zapping Wife With Stun Gun Because He Couldn't Find His Wallet Reported by The Weekly Vice Brian O'Neill, a 25-year-old Missouri man, was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly assaulted his wife with a stun gun because he couldn't his wallet. According to police, O'Neill and his wife were at a relatives home earlier this month when O'Neill suddenly realized that his wallet was missing. In retaliation, O'Neill allegedly grabbed a 3.8 million volt stun gun and applied a shock to his wife's neck. When the wife recovered and attempted to get away from O'Neill, he reportedly pinned her down and applied additional jolts to her legs and abdomen. When the woman finally recovered from the second attack, she attempted to flee to her car. That's when O'Neill chased her down and zapped her again with the stun gun before fleeing the scene. Police who arrived at the scene found O'Neill's wallet, which contained a metal pipe with burned marijuana residue inside. They also discovered that O'Neill was already on parole for a recent drug violation. He was booked into jail and charged with felony domestic assault, armed criminal action, property damage and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. The wife later told police that she does not sleep in the same bedroom as O'Neill because she is afraid that he will kill her while she is asleep. Tech Support Pits From: Allan Re: SMTP filtering Dear Webby, My ISP, Telus, is dumping too much of my outgoing mail with their mis-configured SMTP filters. How do I get around that? Writing to their support is useless, they apparently filter and dump their own responses too. Thanks Allan Dear Allan Telus DSL is OK for areas where you can't get cable, but I agree that their mail is definitely not reliable enough for business purposes. Luckily it's easy enough to get around them, or any ISP, by using a remote SMTP server. A very popular and easy to use remote SMTP is at Softstack It's easy to set up and it's free. Then there is SMTP2GO.com If you want something fancier with more options, there is PostCastServer for $49. A fringe benefit of using a remote SMTP is that you never have to change it when you travel or move or change ISPs. Considering that only very few hotels nowadays allow you to use their SMTP, you are never stuck when you use a remote one like one of those. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Frozen Water In Your Fridge Now the weather is turning cold, I leave clean plastic gallon jugs of drinking water outside overnight to freeze. One bottle gives me refreshing iced water in the morning, the others go in the fridge and freezer to fill space and keep cooling costs down. This is especially useful now the furnace is running more often. By Laura P. from Iowa Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Dave for this story: As the manager of our hospital's softball team, I was responsible for returning equipment to the proper owners at the end of the season. When I walked into the surgery department carrying a bat that belonged to one of the surgeons, I passed several patients and their families in a waiting area. I heard one man say to his wife, "Look, honey, here comes your anesthesiologist."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The pastor shocked the congregation when he announced that he was resigning from the church and moving to a drier climate. After the service, a very distraught lady came to the pastor with tears in her eyes, "Oh, Pastor Bob, we are going to miss you so much. We don't want you to leave!" The kindhearted pastor patted her hand and said "Now, now, Carolyn, don't carry on. The pastor who takes my place might be even better than me". "Yeah", she said, with a tone of disappointment in her voice, "That's what they said the last time too."

» A Beautiful Mess

Today, July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay 
 Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage.
1729 The city of Baltimore was founded in Maryland.
1733 The first Freemasons lodge opened in what would later 
 become the United States.
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine 
 automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car 
 Company of Cleveland, OH.
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese 
 submarine. The ship had just delivered key components 
 of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of 
 Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the 
 attack.
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the 
 U.S. national motto.
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social 
 Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. 
 It went into effect the following year.
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to 
 disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact.
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile 
 rolled off the assembly line.
2000 Jennifer Aniston and Brad Pitt were married.
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to 
 win three consecutive Tours de France.
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle 
 rolled off an assembly line.
2013  smiled


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Which is the best FTP program? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 29.

The first few of the Saskatoon berries are ripe.



Due to the end of the Gullible Warming, they are a late,
but they taste exactly the same.

The raspberries are late too, but the first few were delicious!
You see some that are almost ripe.




The enthusiastic plant on the right is Lovage or Maggi, 
a very nice spice. The seeds of it have a quite different 
flavor from the dried leaves. It is time to cut them and
dry them. If you are not familiar witrh that spice, it is
the secret why Gramma's meatloaf tasted better.

The brown pipe holds the hay-wire, that keeps the plants
from leaning out too far.
The galvanized 6" pipe with mosquito netting on top is the 
exhaust from the fridge. In summer I don't want it to heat 
up the kitchen, so I exhaust it to the outside. 
The air intake is down behind the raspberries.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Almost all absurdity of conduct arises from the imitation of those whom we cannot resemble. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
A two-year-old daughter was with her mother while her older sister was being examined by a dentist. The two-year-old kept herself busy playing with toys in the waiting room until she noticed that her mom was resting, with her eyes closed. With about six other patients waiting, the child toddled up to her mother, looked her straight in the face and shook her. "Mommy," she yelled, "wake up! This is not church!"
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If you want to do something special and really crazy, go to the Mobile Phone Throwing World Championship! This year it is on Aug 24, so you still have plenty of time to get to Savonlinna, Finland. You can sign up at Here There is a registration fee to minimize frivolous sign-ups by people, who won't attend. Last year a new world record wast thrown by Ere Karjalainen, Finland. New WR is amazing 101,46 m (331.4 feets)! Second was Jeremy Gallop from South Africa, 94,67 m (308.4 f). 2011 Champion Oskari Heinonen came third with 86,94 m (286.2f). Winner in women's category came also from Finland, Jonna Mattero threw 42,47 m (137.8 feet). Even if you don't quite win, just watching competitors from all over the world, should be a hoot!
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angelina Davis, 18, Oklahoma City, OK Jailed for Strangling Own Father To Death Over Drug Money Reported by The Weekly Vice Angelina Davis, an 18-year-old Oklahoma dope addict and prostitute, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly strangled her father to death when he failed to give her money for drugs. According to police, an investigation was launched back in March after two neighbors found 77-year-old Jay Davis dead inside his tiny, dilapidated house in Oklahoma City. Investigators say the man was found with a cord wrapped around his neck and may have been dead for several days before he was found by concerned neighbors. Officers began a search for the man's daughter, Angelina Davis after obtaining evidence and witness statements that made her the likely suspect in the case. According to the arrest report, Davis reportedly harassed her father for money on a regular basis, beat him, and told friends that she was going to kill her father if he didn't give her money for drugs. Davis also reportedly told a friend the place inside the house where her father died, even though she was not at the scene when police found the body and information about the man's death had not been shared with her. Davis, who is a drug addict and worked as a prostitute, was booked into jail on a charge of murder. Tech Support Pits From: Angie Re: FTP Dear Webby I have always used browser FTP to up and download files, but with my new web host I can't do that any more. I was told to get a proper, grown-up FTP program. Snobs! I looked around and there are hundreds of them availale. Which one would you recommend, preferably one that is not too expensive? Angie Dear Angie Best is FileZilla You can get it free. Yes, totally free! Not even sleazy ads on the download page. FileZilla is just as powerful as the $100 + programs, but in my opinion more user friendly and considerably faster. If your web host insists on SFTP (SECURE FTP), that is absolutely no problem with FileZilla. Filezilla lets you change file permissions on the server, even for whole directory branches at a time. Another nice feature is the ability to transfer a dozen files simultaneously. As you can probably imagine, that really speeds up getting work done! You can even have multiple instances of it open, if you are working on more than one domain. I use FileZilla every day, and like it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bathtub Cleaning Made Easy Use liquid toilet bowl cleaner in your bathtub or shower to remove hard water stains, minerals, mildew, and soap residue. It's stronger than bathtub cleaners and does the job in no time. The thicker formula makes it cling to the sides of the tub while it dissolves the offending grime. If you use a product with a color added (the one I use is blue) it can stain white grout, so be careful not to put it directly on the walls. Rinse thoroughly and do not mix with other cleaners. Source: Heard it from a friend who restores old houses. By Diane from Wonder Lake, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Style and fashion intrude into all walks of our lives. Two fellows who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at the Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh Porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached, bowed, and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A chief and an admiral were sitting in the barber shop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves--the barbers were reaching for some aftershave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a house of ill repute!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a house of ill repute smells like."

» City of Dragons

Today, July 29, in

1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
 of Gravelines.
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France.
1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received 
 U.S. patent for the lawn-tennis court.
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA.
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to 
 Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes.
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress.
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control.
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open serious
 discussions with Cuba on normalization.
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were married.
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio 
 autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard 
 "Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out 
 and he was set free. Then the US deported him to Germany.
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 
 40 years after contaminated food fish were blamed for 
 deaths and birth defects.
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike 
 against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion 
 in lost revenues.
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered 
 a new planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around 
 the sun.
2013  smiled


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How to harvest picturs from PPS 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 28.
Today in 1866 - The metric system was legalized by the 
U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and 
measures throughout the United States.

That was 147 years ago. So far only the electricians,
electronics techs and SOME scientists have switched 
to the metric system. The US is unique in that. The
rest of the world has adopted the metric system long
ago.

Canada switched to the metric system shortly after I
got used to use the Imperial system, so I had to learn
it all over. Since the metric system is so much easier,
that was a breeze.

People got used to it quickly, but with some of the 
units there is still some confusion as to how to 
pronounce them. Is it KILOmeters, like the 
Europeans say it, 
or is it kilOMeters, like the Brits pronounce it, 
or kiloMETERS ?

So people give it nicknames like "klicks", "k-m's",
and some call them "miles", even though they mean
kilometers. In the long run, I think "klicks" will
win out.

However, NOBODY would want to go back to that silly
British Imperial system of inches and feet and yards
and furlongs and fathoms and miles. After all, WE are
no longer a British colony! 
AND, simply moving the decimal point is a lot easier.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Eighty percent of success is showing up. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) As democracy is perfected, the office of the President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day, the plain folks of the land will reach their heart's desire at last and the White House will be occupied by a downright fool and complete narcissistic moron. H.L. Mencken, The Baltimore Evening Sun, July 26, 1920
Thanks to Phil for this report: My boss wanted a "Clean Desk" policy, so he sent a memo saying that any paper left on desks would be removed at night and we would have to fill out a form to get it back. So we left all our garbage paper on our desks every night. Next day, the boss had an office full of garbage, and we never heard about the policy again.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


I was in my car one day listening to a guy on the radio help callers with their home problems. One woman called up hysterical after finding a skunk in her basement. "Leave a trail of breadcrumbs or cat food from your basement to your backyard," suggested the show's host. "That'll get rid of it." An hour later the woman called back, even more upset. "Now I have TWO skunks in my basement!"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesse Lopez, 29, Great Falls, Montana Began His Day By Finding Lost Wallet, Ends His Day At Hospital After Eating Pills From Anus Reported by The Weekly Vice Jesse Lopez a 29-year-old Montana man, was hospitalized and then charged after he allegedly pulled several pills from his buttocks and ate them. According to Great Falls Police, Lopez was at the Great Falls Police station to retrieve a lost wallet that someone had turned in when officers realized that an outstanding warrant had been issued for his arrest. While Lopez was being processed into jail, officers found two crack pipes in his pocket and several plastic spindles that are commonly used to distribute narcotics. At some point during the booking process, another inmate told officers that Lopez was pulling pills out of his buttocks and consuming them. A dogpile of officers were able to retrieve 4 Hydrocodone pills from Lopez' mouth as he attempted to swallow them. The report did not indicate how many pills Lopez was successful in swallowing before officers were able to react. Officers also recovered the broken fragments of several plastic bindles from Lopez mouth that may have contained additional narcotics. Lopez was reportedly rushed to a local hospital and placed into intensive care following the incident. He has been charged with possession with intent to distribute, tampering with evidence and three counts of criminal possession of drug paraphernalia. Tech Support Pits From: Leesa Re: PPS Dear Webby I thought I'd ask you about this one about PPS files. I love these pictures, and would like to use them as my desktop wall paper, one at a time, of course. How can I save them individually into my wallpaper folder? Obviously, I can't right click 'cause the save option isn't there. Appreciate your help, again. Have a wonderful day. Leesa Dear Leesa If you use Microsoft powerpoint viewer, you need to have a graphics program open. Arrange your windows so thet you can jump back and forth between that and the powerpoint viewer. Click it ahead to a picture, that you want to harvest. When you see it, hold down ALT and hit PrinTScreen. That "prints" the picture into the clipboard. Hold ALT and hit TAB That jumps you to your graphics program, without closing the Powerpoint slide show. In the graphics program hit CTRL V or EDIT, PASTE. That opens a new picture and pastes what you had "printed" into the clipboard. ALT Tab will jump you back to the slide show. Advance to the next picture, that you want, and repeat the procedure. If you use Open Office, it is a bit simpler. There you see thumbnails of all the slides on the left side. Select the one you want, right-click and select COPY. ALT TAB to your graphics program and paste it as a new picture with CTRL V. ALT Tab back to the slide show, select the next thumb nail and so on. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cooking Sweet Corn Now that sweet corn is in season, a frugal way to prepare it and save time and water is to make it in your microwave. Use a gallon size freezer bag and place the peeled and cleaned ears of corn inside. Six will fit easily. Add about a half cup of water. Seal the bag three fourths closed. Microwave on high 8-10 minutes. It comes out perfect every time! You can wash out and reuse the bag also. By Cindy S. Instead of laboriously cleaning the corn cold, I stick the cobs with husks and all into the microwave, or at camp into a pot of boiling water. 10 minutes either way. Then I cut the cob at the stalk end EXACTLY at the widest spot. Don't try to cheat! It has to be at the widest spot, just before it narrows down to the stalk. After that, I grab the top of the cob and squeeze. The corn slides out of the husk nice and clean, without any silk. Use an oven mitt or glove for the squeeze. It sure beats cold cleaning, and the corn is juicy enough to spray a bit, when you bite into the kernels. Melt some butter on it, sprinkle a bit of salt and pepper, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>Frm Peter, the Australian version HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR 2030 Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world "Little India" formerly known as Australia . Tasmania, Australia's southern land state, executes last remaining Greenie. White minorities still trying to have English recognised as Australia's third language. Children from two-parent heterosexual families bullied in schools for being 'different'. Tolerance urged. Gay Marriages now overtake heterosexual marriages as preferred 'lifestyle' choice. Melbourne schoolgirl expelled for not wearing Burqa: Being a Christian is no excuse says school. Sharia law must be enforced. Japan announces that they will no longer consume whale meat as whales are now extinct and the scientific research fleet are unemployed. Australian Government has told the Japanese that Cane Toads taste like whale meat. Australia now has ten Universities of Political Correctness. Professor Goldman of the Australian National University says there is still a long way to go in the fight to stop people saying what they think. Australian Deficit 10 $Trillion dollars and rising. Government declares return to surplus in 100 years which is 300 years ahead of time. Prime Minister Mohammed Yousuf claims increased growth through more immigration is the secret to success. Wall Street banks merge to form new super bank, Goldman Rothschild Ebeneezer Epstein Drescher (GREED): Huge bonuses paid to executives to celebrate launch. Baby conceived naturally ! Scientists stumped. Iran still quarantined. Physicists estimate it will take at least a hundred more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels. France pleads for global help after being taken over by Islamic Countries. No other country volunteers to come forward to help the beleaguered nation ! Serves them right. Castro finally dies at age 112. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.. Jose Manuel Rodrigez Bush says he will run for election as US President in 2032. Australia Post raises price of stamps to $18 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only. After a ten year $75.8 billion study, commissioned by the Labor Party: Scientists prove Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss. Average weight of an Australian drops to 115 kgs. Global cooling blamed for citrus crop failure for third consecutive year in Victoria India and New South Iraq. Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed they can now photograph an Australian woman with her mouth shut. Senate still blocking drilling for oil in Canberra even though petrol is selling for 5,000 Rupees per litre and petrol stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays. Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights. Victims to be held partly responsible for crime. Average height of professional basketball players is now nine feet, seven inches. New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2035 as lethal weapons. Australian Tax Office sets lowest tax rate in decades at 75 percent. Carlton won this years National Footy final beating the Hindu Hornets 20-11 to 13-18 Southern Asia (formerly Northern Territory ) voters still having trouble with voting machines. From Peter Australia
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A seafood restaurant had a sign in the window that read, "Big Lobster Tales, $5 each." Amazed at the great value, a man stopped in and asked the waitress, "Five dollars each for lobster tails -- is that correct?" "Yes," she said. "It's our special just for today." "Well," he said, "they must be little lobster tails." "No," she replied, "it's the really big lobster." "Big red lobster tails, $5 each?" he said, amazed. "They must be old lobster tails!" "No, they're definitely today's." "Today's big red lobster tails -- $5 each?" he repeated, astounded. "Yes," she insisted. "Well, here's my five dollars," he said. "I'll take one." She took the money and led him to a table where she invited him to sit down. She then sat down next to him, put her hand on his shoulder, leaned over close to him, and said, "Once upon a time there was a really big, red lobster..."
» Animal Capshunz

Today, July 28, in
1821 - Peru declared its independence from Spain.
1866 - The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress 
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. 
1868 - The Fourteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution 
 was declared in effect. The amendment guaranteed due 
 process of law.
1896 - The city of Miami, FL, was incorporated.
1914 - World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary 
 declared war on Serbia.
1932 - Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" 
 of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945.
1941 - Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. 
 House of Representatives.
1942 - L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox.The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted.
1945 - A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of 
 New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed 
 and 26 were injured.
1951 - The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released.
1965 - U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the 
 number of American troops in South Vietnam 
 from 75,000 to 125,000.
1982 - San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. 
 to ban handguns.
1998 - Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that 
 created the second-largest phone company.
1998 - Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton.
2006 - Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had 
 been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes 
 were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon 
 after the Jurassic era. (That is about 150 Million years ago,
 long before Noah's flood, which was from 5000 to 4500 years
 ago.)
2013  smiled


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Jittery Moon 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 27.

Thank you, Sig!
Thank you, Robert!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The end of the human race will be that it will eventually die of civilization. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882)
The newlywed wife said to her husband when he returned from work one day, "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness. He kissed his wife and said, "Oh darling, this makes me the happiest person in the world." And she said, "I'm so happy you feel this way. I was worried that you wouldn't like my mother moving in with us."
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A child was on his first visit to the country at his grandparents' ranch and feeding the chickens fascinated him. Early one morning he caught his first glimpse of a peacock strutting in the yard. He rushed into the house, where his grandmother was making breakfast and exclaimed, "Grandma, come and see! One of the chickens is in bloom!"
Click on the picture for the large version Ausangate mountain, Andes, Peru
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adam St. Valle, 29, New Port Richey, Floriduh Jailed After Knocking Girlfriend's Teeth Out When She Caught Him Having Sex With Another Woman Reported by The Weekly Vice Adam St. Valle, a 29-year-old Floriduh bonehead, was jailed Friday after he knocked his girlfriend's teeth out because she walked in on him having sex with another woman. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, a woman was attacked by her boyfriend Friday when she walked in and found him having sex with a woman she could only identify by the name "Danielle." Investigators say St. Valle retaliated by repeatedly punching his girlfriend in the face until several of her teeth were knocked out. St. Valle then allegedly held a knife to her throat before deputies arrived on the scene. St. Valle told deputies that the woman injured his penis, however, deputies saw no signs of injury. St. Valle was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with aggravated battery. He remains held in lieu of $5,000 bond. St. Valle has a long arrest history in Pasco County which includes multiple arrests for domestic battery, burglary, evading law enforcement and driving on a revoked license. Tech Support Pits From: Elisa Re: Jittery Moon Dear Webby Thanks for the trick for getting rid of the nuisance Category Tabs in Gmail! I tried to take a picture of the red moon in forest fire smoke a while after dark. I used max Zoom, and wound up with TWO overlapping crescents of the moon, as if it was a double exposure. The sharp tips of the crescent are definitely there twice. What causes that? I rested one edge of the camera on the window sill to keep it steady. How do I avoid that problem? Elisa Dear Elisa You shot the picture in VERY dark conditions, not just after dark, but through forest fire smoke. The camera kept the shutter open long to gather enough light to show the moon, maybe 2 - 3 seconds if you have a camera with a large lens, much longer if it has a small lens. During that time you jittered a bit. Next time you try that, nestle the camera into a bag of sugar or sand. That holds the camera much steadier than resting one edge of it on a hard surface. Once you have the shot lined up, hit the self-timer, stand back and don't breathe until it has taken the picture. The less light you have, the more careful you have to be to avoid jitters. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Masking Tape to Keep Rugs from Slipping I can guarantee that this works. Rugs on hard floors stop slipping if you roll masking tape (the kind that vehicle painters use, which can be bought at any hardware store) at least 5 times around your hand and apply to each corner of the rug. The tape will not damage any tiles or even wooden flooring By Lynne G. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Johnnie's Teacher paid a visit to his house one day. When little Johnny opened the door, she asked "Johnnie, are your father and mother in?" "They was in, but they is out." he answered. The teacher gasped, "Why, Johnnie, it is 'They were in, they are out' Where's your grammar?" "Downtown, but mom and dad are bailing her out."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sometimes women are overly suspicious of their husbands. When Adam stayed out late for a few nights, Eve became upset. "You're running around with other women," she charged. "You're being unreasonable," Adam responded. "You're the only woman on earth." The quarrel continued until Adam fell asleep, only to be awakened by someone poking him in the chest. It was Eve. "What do you think you're doing?" Adam demanded. "Counting your ribs," said Eve.
» Rain Clusters

Today, July 27, in
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of 
 France defeated John of England.
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after they 
 found him guilty of sacrilege.
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports.
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the 
 Battle of Killiecrankie.
1777 The Marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help 
 the rebellious American colonists fight the British.
1778 The British and French fleets fought to a standoff in 
 the first Battle of Ushant.
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. 
 He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air 
 for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds.
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, 
 and began to disarm Irish rebels.
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge 
 and was used to carry oil.
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin.
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare."
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam.
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was 
 signed at Panmunjon, Korea.
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I rememeber that! Meat rationing ended too, since we did 
 not have to feed the occupation troops any longer, and all
 school kids got a hotdog. Brass bands played and church bells
 rang, and speeches were made. I don't remember what they 
 were about, but I remember that hotdog!
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 
 "advisers" to South Vietnam.
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health 
 warnings on all cigarette packages.
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission to 
 assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting.
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against 
 President Richard Nixon.
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a 
 hospital near Cairo, Egypt.
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an 
 $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs.
1995 The Korean War Veterans Memorial was dedicated in 
 Washington, DC, by U.S. President Clinton and South 
 Korean President Kim Young-sam.
2001 The ribbon cutting ceremony was held for American Airlines 
 Center in Dallas, TX. The event set two new world records, 
 one for the 3 mile long ribbon and one for the 2,000 people 
 who cut it.
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) 
 that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation 
 used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation 
 technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of 
 the "Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century.
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2013  smiled


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Gmail TABS and Filters 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 26.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Thank you, Dr Bill!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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I will never be an old man. To me, old age is always 15 years older than I am. --- Bernard M. Baruch (1870 - 1965) Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people. --- W. C. Fields
Three Pastors in the South were having lunch in a diner. One said "You know, since summer started I've been having trouble with bats in my loft and attic at church. I've tried everything--noise, spray, cats--nothing seems to scare them away." Another said "Yea, me too. I've got hundreds living in my belfry and in the narthex attic. I've even had the place fumigated and they won't go away." The third said, "I baptized all mine, made them members of the church and asked for donations. Haven't seen one back since!"
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A teenager lost a contact lens while playing basketball in his driveway. After a fruitless search, he told his mother the lens was no where to be found. Undaunted, she went outside and in a few minutes returned with the lens in her hand. "How did you manage to find it, Mom?" the teenager asked. "We weren't looking for the same thing," she replied. "You were looking for a small piece of plastic. I was looking for $150."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of Stockholm: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aaron Little, 37, Seattle, Washington Sex Offender Charged With Peeking Up Woman's Skirt, Groping Her During Church Service Reported by The Weekly Vice Aaron Little, a 37-year-old registered sex offender, was jailed after he allegedly sexually assaulted a woman during Sunday church service. According to police, Little was sitting behind a woman during a 9:30 a.m. church service when he lifted up the back of her skirt and peeked at her underwear when the congregation stood up to sing a hymn. Although the victim didn't realize that Little was getting a gander at her nether regions, several of the woman's relatives did. The woman's relatives frog marched Little to the door and booted him out of service, however, Little ran through another church entrance and sat down next to the woman before her relatives returned to their seats. That's when Little lifted up the woman's skirt a second time and groped her. Several congregation members dog-piled Little and held him until police arrived on the scene. Little was booked into the King County Jail and charged with suspicion of rape. --------- The bonehead needs to have his head examined! Even if she was wearing a poodle skirt, a peek at her undies and a quick grope was most definitely not worth getting tenderized by a herd of relatives and yhrn the cops, and most likely spending 5 - 10 years in jail. Tech Support Pits From: Alice Re: Gmail Tabs and filters Dear Webby, I agree with you, those Gmail Tabbies are a bloody nuisance for anybody, who gets a serious amount of email. Their totally useless edict from their "mail-noreply@google.com" frosted my buns too. I sure appreciate it, that you showed me how to get rid of those dumb tabbies. Now I got a Gmail related question, that is probably really easy for you: How do I make a filter, to keep something out of the SPAM? Thanks Alice Dear Alice Click the little bicycle sprocket near the right top and select Settings In there you see a line menu at the top and another one just below the bicycle sprocket. In that second line menu the fifth item from the left is Filters. Click on that, and scroll down to the bottom, There you see a tiny line that says Create a new filter. It is not underlined, but is a link. No, I don't know why they are not competent enough to show links underlined. Maybe they want to confuse people. Hit that not underlined link. That gets you to a very crude filter form, well crude when compard to MailWasher, where you just pull down the options, and where you can use regular expressions like IF - BUT NOT, AND, etc. Enter the information, that you want the filter to use, into that little filter form. Don't let that magnifying glass tempt you into testing your criteria. That has not worked right for years. If you do, your carefully made filter gets trashed. Just tell it to contine. Then you can tell it what to do with found mails. Usually all you use Gmail filters for is to keep good mail OUT of the Spam folder. Gmail is pretty good at recognizing spam, but frequently a bit too eager. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repair a Large Screw Hole With Rope If you have a hole that is to large for a screw, just put a piece of natural rope into the hole. I like jute or cotton rope the best. I tried toothpicks and wooden matches at first, but I've since found that rope works far better because it wraps itself around the screw so it fits tightly into the threads! By JLS Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
The young suitor was determined to win the heart of the woman he wanted to marry, in spite of her rejection of his proposal. He began what can only be called a "Campaign" and sent her a token of his affection every day for a month to her house. The plan was successful too -- the young lady fell in love with the UPS man.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The census taker knocked on an old lady's door. He asked her several questions and she answered all of them except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked stubbornly. "Certainly," the census taker replied. Then the lady snapped, "Well, I'm the same age as they are." So, the census taker remarked: OK, I'll put down, "As old as the Hills."
» Heraceleion Below Sea

Today, July 26, in
1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental 
 Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General 
 was Benjamin Franklin.
1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent 
 application for a facsimile telegraph
1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started 
 in Chicago, IL.
1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
 propelled ship.
1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister.
1948 U.S. President Truman signed executive orders that 
 prohibited discrimination in the U.S. armed forces and 
 federal employment.
1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a 
 coup led by Gamal Abdel Nasser.
1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista 
 with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern 
 Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later.
1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized 
 the Suez Canal.
1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL.
1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they 
 were forming a joint venture to combine international 
 operations and develop a new Internet system.
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Gmail Tabs 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 25.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Hold a book in your hand and you're a pilgrim at the gates of a new city. --- Anne Michaels Whoever ceases to be a student has never been a student. --- George Iles
On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the under- ground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter-of-factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


The colonel had three Second Lieutenants eligible for promotion. The problem was, he only had one First Lieutenant Slot available. The colonel called the first butter-bar into his office and said, "This is a promotion test. If I was to tell you that I wanted a flag pole erected in front of Post HQ by 1700, what would you do?" The Lt. thought about it for a second, and said, "Sir. I would get a shovel, head for HQ and start digging . . . " "You're not ready to be promoted," the Colonel interrupted. The colonel asked the same question of the next candidate. "Sir," said the next butter-bar, "I would fill out a CE work order, making sure I made provisions for the appropriate environmental study and . . . " "You are definitely not ready to be promoted," the Colonel said. The Colonel asked the question of the final candidate. Without hesitation, the Lieutenant said, "Sir. I would call the First Sergeant, and say, 'Top, I want a @#$#@ flag pole set up in front of HQ by 16:30, standing perfectly straight!" "You're ready to be promoted," the Colonel said.
Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jaaziah Herrera, 23, St Cloud, Floriduh Cell Phone Salesman Charged With Dragging Woman Into Back Room, Demanding That She Date Him Reported by The Weekly Vice Jaaziah Herrera, a 23-year-old Florida bonehead employed at Metro PCS in St. Cloud, was jailed after he allegedly dragged a customer into a back room and demanded that she start dating him. According to police, a customer was shopping at a Metro PCS store in St. Cloud when an employee, identified as Jaaziah Herrera, suggested that the two of them should date. When the woman turned down Herrera's advances, he reportedly dragged her into a back room at the store and pinned her down so that she was unable to get away. That's when he reportedly told her "Look me in the eyes and tell me you don't want me." The victim reportedly told Herrera "No" several times, explaining that she had a boyfriend and that he would be looking for her. Herrera eventually let the woman go, and she immediately called police. When officers arrived at the store to question Herrera, they found a 5-foot nylon rope in his pocket. Herrera told police that he carried the rope because he had been practicing his knot tying skills. He was booked into the Osceola County Jail and charged with false imprisonment and battery. Tech Support Pits From: Phyllis Re: Confusion with Gmail Dear Webby, Gmail has me completely confused...although being a senior citizen may account for that ,too. They have somehow changed their way of sending out email and when I go to their @Welcome to the new GMail" page, I find no instructions at all. Now I get one or 2 new emails per day, none of which are ones I want. I'm still getting your letter on my alternate email address, but that's not helping for my Gmail. Any ideas? Phyllis Dear Phyllis A lot of people wrote with similar questions or complaints about Gmail. What really frosted a lot of people was that the totally unhelpful edict from the throne was sent by , and they don't know where to complain about the dopey concept. Your address is still in the list and your newsletter is getting sent to you every night. Possibly you got backstabbed with the new wacky tabs, that disorganize your Gmail inbox. Best to take the checkmarks off those thilly tabbies and hope, that sorting by receive date and time will return. They don't seem to have the talent necessary for sorting by column like the good email programs have had for over 20 years, so they are trying to sort emails by category, without really understanding how you take care of your emails. Instead of leaving it sorted by date and time, they shuffle it by category. For example, they put all Linkedin, FaceBook, Twitter, etc. related mails in one bunch at the top, and your electrical bill and mail from your Sweetie and your subscriptions in another bunch somewhere else. If somebody is just a social butterfly and only using Gmail for playing on social networks, that concept MIGHT make sense. For the rest of us, it is a bloody nuisance. Naturally, now most people miss important emails and can't find expected mails and they are cussing about "Blonde Logic" and wondering, what they are smoking at Gmail. Luckily, it is easy to undo the wanky thillyness. Look for the little gear at the right side and pull it down. In there select "Configure Inbox". In there, take the checkmark of all categories except PRIMARY. Save and return to the Inbox. You get back the extra space, that they stole off the top, and the thilly category sorting is gone. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garlic as Remedy for Toothache Garlic is another remedy that works on toothache pain. I place a sliver of garlic between the infected area of the tooth and cheek for as long as I can stand it, because the garlic has a peppery taste. The garlic, like cabbage, will draw out the infection and relieve the pain and swelling. Cloves work to numb the infected area also. By dee53 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man was speeding down the highway, feeling secure in a gaggle of cars all traveling at the same speed. However, as they passed a speed trap, he got nailed with an infrared speed detector and was pulled over. The officer handed him the citation, received his signature and was about to walk away when the man asked, "Officer, I know I was speeding, but I don't think it's fair - there were plenty of other cars around me who were going just as fast, so why did *I* get the ticket?" "Ever go fishing?" the policeman suddenly asked the man. "Ummm, yeah..." the startled man replied. The officer grinned and added, "Ever catch *all* the fish?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
» The Louisville Slugger

Today, July 25, in
0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the traditional 
 pagan sacrifices.
1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general 
 expulsion of Jews from France.
1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.
1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in 
 Japan and ordered all Christians to leave.
1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism 
 to Roman Catholicism.
1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara 
 in Canada.
1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at 
 Aboukir, Egypt.
1845 China granted Belgium equal trading rights with Britain, 
 France and the United States.
1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR.
1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt.
1866 Ulysses S. Grant was named General of the Army. He was 
 the first American officer to hold the rank.
1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper.
1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan.
1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English Channel 
 in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in 37 minutes. 
 He was the first man to fly across the channel.
1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian 
 sovereignty.
1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians.
1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese assets.
1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was overthrown 
 in a coup.
1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in the 
Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device.
1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first 
 woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space 
 station Salyut 7.
1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that 
had existed between them since 1948.
1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the 
 second American to win the race.
2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000 internal 
 reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan from 2004-2010. 
2013  smiled


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Classic Floppy Deal 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, July 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Tammy called up the airline ticket counter and asked, "How long are your flights from Los Angeles to Phoenix?" The counterman answered, "Just a minute." Tammy replied: "Wow, that's pretty fast!", thanked him and hung up.
>From Paul: My wife and I are inseparable. In fact, last week it took four Mounties and a police dog to pull us apart.
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Thanks to lillemor for this picture from her garden: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan Savas, 24, Deland, Floriduh Charged With Sitting On Baby's Head When Baby Refused To Go To Sleep Reported by The Weekly Vice Jonathan Savas, a 24-year-old Florida bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly sat on his baby's head because the child wouldn't fall asleep. According to Deland Police, Savas showed up at a female friend's mobile home Thursday night with his 10-month-old child while looking for a place to stay. The baby, according to the arrest report, didn't have any clothing on when Savas arrived. Investigators say Savas then became angry when the baby refused to stop crying and fall asleep. In retaliation, Savas allegedly placed the baby on a couch and sat on his head while the child screamed out in pain. The female friend tried to intervene, however, Savas told her "It's my baby, I can do what I want." The female friend reportedly waited until Savas left her residence to report the abuse because she was afraid he would harm her. When officers caught up with Savas a couple of days later, he reportedly admitted to placing the child faced down on the couch and then placing his leg on top of the baby to force him to go to sleep. Officers also recovered a hypodermic needle, baggies and a pill container from Savas' backpack. He was booked into jail and charged with child abuse. His bond has been set at $50,000. Tech Support Pits From: - Re: - No Question No answer Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Natural Ant Deterrent My parents lived in Africa and had an infestation of army ants. A local boy gave my mother some brilliant advice; put ash in a ring around the house. The ants will be tricked into thinking there is a forest fire. My mother did this in a great panick to stop the ants swarming over me as a new baby and, like magic, the ants disappeared! I have an infestation in my kitchen at the moment so plan to put ash across the threshold where they are coming in and post a note if it does the trick on English black ants. By fiona.me.mcintyre Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
I just came across this old tech support story. Totally obsolete, but too good to just let it die. Keep in mind that this is from a very long time ago, when Windows came on a stack of floppy disks and when a Mac's standard way of dealing with a PC floppy was to destroy all data on it and format it. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: "I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer." Training stresses that we are "not the Software Police," so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: "Umm-hmm. What happened?" Customer: "As I put each disk in it turns out they weren't initialized." Tech Support: "Oh Oh! Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am?" Customer: (proudly) "I wrote it down. 'This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?'" Tech Support: "Er, what happened next?" Customer: "After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work, and I can't read them in the A: drive; the PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with the responsibility. One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't looked after it?" After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically, "Er.... Once?"
» Rubic's Cube

Today, July 24, in
1847 Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived 
in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah.

1847 Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press.

1923 The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of 
 modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland.

1929 U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, 
 which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy.

1948 Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West 
 Berlin. The U.S.-British airlift began the following day.

1969 The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the 
 Pacific Ocean.

1974 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President 
 Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings 
 to the Watergate special prosecutor.

1985 Walt Disney released their 25th full-length cartoon. 
 The work was "The Black Cauldron."

1987 Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda 
 became the oldest person to climb Japan’s highest peak. 

2013  smiled


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Elongated pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, July 23.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) I never cease being dumbfounded by the unbelievable things people believe. --- Leo Rosten (1908 - )
When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily or breaks off, it was a valuable plant.
A man takes a photo of the front of his house to the local copy store and asks the clerk to put it on disk for him. He does. They are both looking at the monitor to see the results, and the man asks if the picture can be turned. "Sure" says the clerk. The man replies, "Good, I need a shot of the back of my house also."
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Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sarah Maria Torres, 33, Sugar Land, TX Charged With Having Sex With Daughter's 14-Year-Old Ex Boyfriend Reported by The Weekly Vice Sarah Maria Torres, a 33-year-old Texas woman, was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly had sex with her daughter's 14-year-old ex boyfriend. According to Sugar Land Police, an investigation was launched after the boy told a family member about the sexual relationship that he had with his ex-girlfriend's mother. Investigators say the alleged sexual relationship took place on May 23 when the boy stayed home from school. Torres and the boy both live on the same street. The boy's mother reportedly provided officers with evidence that corroborates her son's account of the relationship, according to the arrest affidavit. Torres was booked into the Fort Bend County Jail and charged with sexual assault of a child. Her bond has been set at $150,000. Somehow, I would not be surprised if it turns out that the boy framed her because she terminated his relationship with her daughter. Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: Elongated pictures Dear Webby Love your Humor letter especially the tech help. You gave some advise on making things larger including pictures, can't remember when you gave it, I followed the instructions and things are larger. But my pictures are all elongated and another thing happened at the same time. When ever I hit my mouse it makes a loud click from my desktop when I change pages. Also on my IM the sub-titles across the top are like high lighted. What did I do wrong and how do I go back to the way it was? Thank you Darlene Dear Darlene The reason your pictures appear elongated is probably that you chose a setting intended for a wide aspect ratio monitor. Right-click on the desktop, Properties Settings and in there try different resolutions. I use 1600 x 1200. That looks fine on my monitor, and when I design a 5" x 6" ad, it measures precisely 5" x 6" on the screen. So, play with the resolution settings until you find one that suits your monitor and your eyes. If you got stuck with a sawed off (wide) monitor, they say that eventually your eyes get used to it, as long as you are not working with spreadsheets. Re the mouse click, you can set that in the Control Panel, Mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Cookie and Cracker Package Trays Don't throw out the plastic trays from cookie and cracker bags! They work great as holders for beads or paper pieces for your crafts, but you can also use them as mini-green houses and flower pots. By Angela L. from Sault Ste Marie, ON Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What happens when you have deja vu and amnesia at the same time? You have the feeling that you're forgetting the same thing all over again.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise , God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter." Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man. God said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him." God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?" The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here."
» Poland's Underground Salt Cathedral

Today, July 23, in
1715 The first lighthouse in America was authorized for 
 construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts.
1827 The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in Boston, MA.
1829 William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first 
 typewriter.
1877 The first municipal railroad passenger service began in 
 Cincinnati, Ohio.
1904 The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches 
 during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO.
1914 Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following 
 the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. 
 The dispute led to World War I.
1945 The first passenger train observation car was placed in 
 service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad.
1952 Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser 
 overthrew King Farouk I.
1958 The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, 
 under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission 
 was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. 
 The Nautilus achieved the goal on August 3, 1958.
1962 The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first live 
 TV broadcast to Europe.
1972 Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive Tour de 
 France bicycling competition.
1972 The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first 
 Earth-resources satellite.
1984 Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown after 
 it had been discovered that nude photos of her had appeared in 
 "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to resign the title.
1986 Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at 
 Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996.
1998 U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned out 
 more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning technique.
2000 Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 
2013  smiled


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No newsletters on Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, July 21.

OK, for all those who asked for a picture of me at the 
waterfall, not just some silly little tree, here is one
from shortly before I did my canyon edge dance.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The secret of all success is to know how to deny yourself. Prove that you can control yourself, and you are an educated man; and without this all other education is good for nothing. --- R. D. Hitchcock Walking is the best possible exercise. Habituate yourself to walk very far. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) OK, OK, I AM walking every day for about an hour, and even taking Barb's family dog for a walk. (Barb lives a block away.)
>From Dave I wasn't surprised when a friend of my daughter showed me a Japanese symbol on her hip. "Please don't tell my parents," she begged. "I won't," I promised. "By the way, what does that stand for?" She replied, "Honesty."
>A real old Classic from Rex Don't Try This At Home! A formula for inner peace...please read completely: I am passing this on to you because it definitely worked for me and we all could use more calm in our lives. By following the simple advice I heard on a Dr. Phil show, I have finally found inner peace. On the show, Dr. Phil proclaimed: "The way to achieve inner peace is to finish all the things you've started." So I looked around my house to see all the things I started and hadn't finished and before leaving the house this morning, I finished off a bottle of Merlot, a bottle of White Zinfandel, a bottle of Bailey's, a bottle of Kailua, a package of Oreos, the remainder of both Prozac and Valium prescriptions, the rest of the cheesecake, some saltines and a box of chocolates. You have no idea how freaking good I feel.
Smart PC Fixer Fix Windows Errors & Optimize Your System No Blue Screen, No Lock up, No Errors, Less Garbage Files, no memory shortage! Faster and Smoother Running System. Fix Windows quickly and safely!


Thanks to Clyde for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version In a river in Slovakia
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kimberly Womach, 34, New Port Richey, Floriduh Jailed After Driving Drunk To McDonalds, Demanding Free Big Macs Reported by The Weekly Vice Kimberly Womach, a 34-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Sunday morning when she allegedly pulled into a McDonald's drive-thru drunk and demanded a free breakfast. According to the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, Womach pulled up to a McDonald's drive-thru at about 6 a.m. Sunday and demanded that they give her two free Big Macs because she was unsatisfied with a purchase she had received during a previous visit. When the staff informed her that they didn't have any Big Macs available because they were serving breakfast, Womach demanded two free Egg McMuffins instead. When employees informed Womach that she wouldn't be receiving a free breakfast and needed to leave, Womach parked her car in the drive-thru and refused to move. After ten minutes of arguing with Womach, store employees called authorities who arrived on the scene a few minutes later. Deputies noted a heavy smell of alcohol on Womach's breath as she informed them that her rights had been violated by the restaurant because they wouldn't meet her demands. After failing a field sobriety test, Womach was booked into jail and charged with driving under the influence. She was released later the same day after posting bond. Tech Support Pits From: Melody Re: No newsletter on Gmail Dear Webby It has been over a week since I have received your newspaper. Did I miss something? Dear Melody Your newsletter has been sent to you every night. Check your SPAM folder. You will probably have to make a filter to tell Gmail to NOT put the Humor Letter into SPAM. Just go into Settings, Filters. Once you find the spot, it is quite easy. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Face Paint with Oil You can remove face paint or other make up with olive oil or coconut oil. Put some oil on a cotton ball and rub on the face paint. Use another cotton ball to wipe up the excess paint. Finish by washing your face with soap and water. By Stella Bella Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Quebec Math Thibodeau wants a job, but the foreman won't hire him until he passes a little math test. "Here's your first question," the foreman said. "Without using numbers, represent the number 9." "Witout numbers?" Thibodeau says, "Dat is easy." And he proceeds to draw three trees. "What's this?" the boss asks. "Ave you got no brain? Tree and tree and tree make nine," says Thibodeau. "Fair enough," says the boss. "Here's your second question. Use the same rules, but this time the number is 99." Thibodeau stares into space for a while, then picks up the picture that he has just drawn and makes a smudge on each tree. "Ere you go." The boss scratches his head and says, "How on earth do you get that to represent 99?" "Each of da trees is dirty now. So, it's dirty tree, and dirty tree, and dirty tree. Dat is 99." The boss is getting worried that he's going to actually have to hire this guy, so he says, "All right, last question. Same rules again, but represent the number 100." Thibodeau stares into space some more, then he picks up the picture again and makes a little mark at the base of each tree and says, "Ere you go. One hunnerd." The boss looks at the attempt. "You must be nuts if you think that represents a hundred!" Thibodeau leans forward and points to the marks at the base of each tree and says, "A little doggie came along and crap by each tree. So now you got dirty tree and a turd, dirty tree and a turd, and dirty tree and a turd, dat make one hunnerd. So, when I start?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Summer Season
» Summer Season

Today, July 22, in
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats 
 out of town is said to have occurred on this date.
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke 
 Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under 
 mysterious circumstances.
1796 Cleveland was founded by Gen. Moses Cleaveland.
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea 
 for the first time since being launched on October 21/1797
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated 
 the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain.
1926 Babe Ruth caught a baseball at Mitchell Field in New 
 York. The ball had been dropped from an airplane flying 
 at 250 feet.
1937 The U.S. Senate rejected President Roosevelt's proposal 
 to add more justices to the Supreme Court.
1943 American forces led by Gen. George S. Patton captured 
 Palermo, Sicily.
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. 
 citizenship restored by the U.S. Congress.
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti 
 tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from 
 possible attack by Iran.
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching 
 Israel or Saudi Arabia.
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that 
 they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter.
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai 
 were killed in a gunfight with U.S. forces.
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the 
 Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no 
 injuries were reported.
2004 The September 11 commission's final report was released. 
 The 575-page report concluded that hijackers exploited 
 "deep institutional failings within our government." 
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, 
 lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over 
 parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 
2013  smiled


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How long should you keeo a BlackList 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, July 21.



By now, everyone's just about had it with the Westboro 
Baptist Church, a group whose members use national tragedies 
as opportunities to forward anti-gay hate speech. Ironically, 
their planned protests often bring communities together in 
opposition to their message. 

Some of you will remember the "Pervert Alerts", where I listed
the locations, where the perverts were planning to be a 
nuisance at a hero's funeral. Eventually some laws were
created, forcing the perverts to stay away from funerals.

After the ACLU forced the government to order the military 
to accept gay people. After that, the Westboro Perverts 
started their protest actions, making a racket at heros 
funerals and screamming that IEDs were God's revenge
and they were thanking God for killing soldiers.
They were also doing their insane protests at the funerals
of miners killed in mine accidents, claiming that the mine 
accidents were God's punishment for allowing gay people 
into the military. I really don't give a hoot about the 
gay issue, but I don't think it gives the perverts a right
to be a nuisance at a hero's funeral.

Now, an unlikely group has mounted an offensive against 
the perverts.
On Sunday, July 14, the Satanic Temple, a New York-based 
organization that seeks to foster "benevolence and empathy 
among all people" through Satan, performed a ritual called 
a "pink mass" at the Mississippi gravesite of Catherine 
Idalette Johnston, mother of WBC founder Fred Phelps Jr.

The aim? To "turn" the WBC founder's mom gay for all eternity.
"Upon completion of the pink mass ceremony, Catherine Johnston 
is now gay in the afterlife," notes the Satanic Temple website, 
which has the cheeky URL www.westboro-baptist.com. 
"Fred Phelps is obligated to believe that his mother is now gay ... 
[and] if beliefs are inviolable rights, nobody has the right to 
challenge our right to believe that Fred Phelps believes that 
his mother is now gay."

The latter assertion appears to be a play on the WBC's own 
stance that their beliefs are totally infallible.

The Pink Mass was performed twice -- once with two gay men, 
and once with two lesbians -- in an affirmation of the 
Satanist Temple's belief in "freedom and the pursuit of 
happiness for all people." The temple is now encouraging 
same-sex couples to visit the grave and perform their own 
pink masses.

According to the Satanist Temple website, temple spokesman 
Lucien Greaves officiated the ceremonies while wearing horned 
headgear, and then proceeded to put his penis on Johnston's 
grave

Even though I am neither gay nor a Satanist, I find it 
hilarious that the Satanists are mocking the perverts.
More details and pictures are at Pink Mass

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There was a definite process by which one made people into friends, and it involved talking to them and listening to them for hours at a time. --- Rebecca West (1892 - 1983) Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Seuss
Thanks to Martin for this story: We went to breakfast at a restaurant where the \ "seniors's special" was two eggs, bacon, hash browns and toast for $1.99. "Sounds good," my wife said. "But I don't want the eggs." Then I'll have to charge you two dollars and forty-nine cents because you're ordering a la carte," the waitress warned her. "You mean I'd have to pay for not taking the eggs?" My wife asked incredulously. "YES!!" "I'll take the special." "How do you want your eggs?" "Raw and in the shell," my wife replied. She took the two eggs home.
After the christening of his baby brother in church, little five-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quiet. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us brought up in a good Christian home, but, but, but I want to stay with you guys!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Taylor Wright, 23, Pensacola, Floriduh Ashley Wright To Deputy: "You Will Have To Shoot Through My Baby To Get To Me" Reported by The Weekly Vice Ashley Taylor Wright, a 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Monday after she allegedly threw her baby at deputies when they tried to arrest her for shoplifting. According to the Okaloosa County Sheriff's Office, Wright was at the Santa Rosa Mall in Mary Esther Monday evening when she allegedly used a baby stroller to smuggle $260 worth of clothing out of a Dillards department store. When a deputy approached her out in the parking lot, she hopped into a car and told her husband (who was the get-away driver) to flee the scene. When the deputy blocked the vehicle and ordered Wright to exit the vehicle, she held up her baby and told the deputy "You will have to shoot through the baby to get to me." She then tossed the child, who was strapped into a baby carrier, at the deputy's head and tried to flee the scene on foot. The deputy ducked and avoided getting hit by thw bay in the baby carrier and promptly tackled the bimbo to the pavement and placed her into custody. Wright was booked into the Okaloosa County Jail and charged with child abuse, petty theft and resisting an officer. Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: How long to keep blacklist? Dear Webby You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher, but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine. And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing their forged sending addresses? Eliza Dear Eliza MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content of spam. Persistent spammers like the Bed & Bath crooks are best dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and you never see mail from those crooks again. To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days. By then the spammers usually change their address anyway. For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click on the MailWasher button in the left side menu and get a free trial copy. If you are only getting the plain text version, you can get the free trial at http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Conditioner For Shaving Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well, wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I need to shave. I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too! By Laurie Young F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "Have you ever seen one of these before?" one asked. "Yeah, my mom has one," the other replied. "What's it for?" "It's a cussing machine," the second boy answered. "Every time she stands on it she gets really mad and starts cussing at me or dad."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Leroy was visiting a friend in the hospital. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him with a snarl, 'Sir, there's no smoking in here.' "Leroy said, " Lady, I'm not smoking." "But you have a cigar in your mouth!", the woman said. "'Lady", Leroy answered, "I'm wearing Jockey shorts, too, but I don't ride horses indoors either."
» Canada's Ghost Train

Today, July 21, in
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed 
 King of the Belgians.

1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. 
 It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. 
 The Confederates won the battle.
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes 
 was convicted of violating the state law for teaching 
 Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later 
 overturned.
1930 The Veterans’ Administration of the United States 
 was established.
1931 CBS aired the first regularly scheduled program to be 
 simulcast on radio and television. The show featured singer 
 Kate Smith, composer George Gershwin and New York City Mayor 
 Jimmy Walker.
1931 The Reno Race Track inaugurated the daily double 
 in the U.S.
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the 
 Soviet Union.
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II.
1949 The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty.
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into 
 North Vietnam and South Vietnam.
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that 
 "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book.
1961 Capt. Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American to 
 rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He was flying 
 on the Liberty Bell 7.
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million dollars 
 in career earnings after he tied for second place at the PGA 
 Championship.
1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 19 and 
 20-year-old men.
1987 Mary Hart, of "Entertainment Tonight", had her legs insured 
 by Lloyd’s of London for $2 million.
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States 
 during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for the 
 first time in 116 years.
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 
 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded that 
 hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within our 
 government." The report was released to the public the next day.
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, 
 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released.
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center 
 in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle 
 program. 
2013  smiled


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Yahoo email problems 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, July 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind. --- Dr. Seuss When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) Anyone who has gumption knows what it is, and anyone who hasn't can never know what it is. So there is no need of defining it. --- L. M. Montgomery (1874 - 1942)
Thanks to Cookie for this one: LADY'S MEDICAL During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! Don't remove your panties. Just stick out your tongue!"
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

The shopkeeper was dismayed when a brand-new business much like his own opened up next door and erected a huge sign which read BEST DEALS. He was horrified when another competitor opened up on his right, and announced its arrival with an even larger sign, reading LOWEST PRICES. The shopkeeper was panicked, until he got an idea. He put the biggest sign of all over his own shop. It read: MAIN ENTRANCE.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Miaya Ramirez, 31 and hubby Saint Ramirez, 23 in Gering, Nebraska Couple jailed For Post-Wedding Sex In Park Reported by The Smoking Gun JULY 18--A couple who this week celebrated their wedding by having sex in public view at a Nebraska park will be spending their honeymoon in separate jail cells after they pleaded guilty yesterday to indecent exposure. Police arrested Saint Ramirez, 23, and his bride Miaya, 31, after being summoned to the Oregon Trail Park by a trio of teenagers who reported spotting the duo having sex near “a big pine tree” around 8 PM. When a Gering Police Department officer drove his cruiser up to the tree, he saw “Miaya had her pants off and her buttocks exposed. Miaya was moving in an up and down motion on Saint,” according to a probable cause affidavit. “Saint had his pants pulled down to approximately his ankles,” added Officer Michael Modec. While the patrolman loudly advised them to stop, Saint and Miaya continued to have sex. The pair eventually complied and got dressed, laughing as they put their pants back on. The pair was trysting near a playground and the park swimming pool, and “numerous children” were in the immediate area, Modec reported. Asked by the cop what they were doing, “Saint stated they were having sex and had just gotten married.” The newlyweds, pictured in the above mug shots, were in the park with friends and family, including Miaya’s five-year-old daughter (apparently as part of an al fresco wedding reception). After pleading guilty yesterday to public indecency, a misdemeanor, Mr. and Mrs. Ramirez were each sentenced to 30 days in jail. Tech Support Pits From: Kim Re: Yahoo email problem Dear Webby, i have not received a humor letter for a long time now.... what happened? Kim Dear Kim I can't do more than sending it out to you. Yahoo usually drops it. There is nothing I can do about Yahoo's problems. Just get a respectable address on the side, like a Gmail address, or an address based on your ISP. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Conditioner For Shaving Ever wonder what to use those 'conditioner' samples that come in the mail or brands you didn't care for? Well, wonder no more! I keep those little gems for when I need to shave. I find the packets difficult to open in the shower, so just pre-open them or squeeze them all into a bottle or jar. Much cheaper than shaving gel or foam, and much nicer on your skin. A breeze when travelling too! By Laurie Young F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Keli was having trouble with her computer. So she called Paul, the eight year old kid next door, over to her jouse. Paul clicked a couple buttons and solved the problem. As he was walking away, Keli called after him, "So, what was wrong?" And Paul replied, "It was an ID Ten T Error." A puzzled expression ran riot over Keli's face. "An ID Ten T Error? What's that ... in case I need to fix it again??" Paul gave her a grin... "Haven't you ever heard of an ID Ten T Error before?" "No," replied Keli. "Write it down," Paul said, "and I think you'll figure it out." She wrote: I D 1 0 T Keli USED TO like the little jerk before that.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A very elderly gentleman, (mid nineties) very well dressed, hair well groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel, smelling slightly of a good after shave, presenting a well looked-after image, walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. Seated at the bar is an elderly looking lady, in her mid eighties. The gentleman walks over, sits alongside of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "Plese tell me, do I come here often?"
» Tearless Onion Cutting:

Today, July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of 
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a 
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas 
Jefferson at the White House.
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain.
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed 
 on all cigarette packs was passed.
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian 
 province.
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the 
 Battle  of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal 
 troops. (Montana)
1908 In the United States, the Sullivan Ordinance bars women 
 from  smoking in public facilities.
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation.
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps
 began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa.
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate
 Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg 
 headquarters. Hitler was only wounded.
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an 
 unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic 
 National Convention in Chicago.
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. 
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon.
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus.
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful 
 landing on Mars.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of 
 comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely.
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins and 
 silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de Atocha." 
 The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key West, FL.
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet Revolution 
 against communism, stepped down as president of Czechoslovakia.
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International 
 Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency.
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began wearing 
 reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night work
2013  smiled


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Can you change picture sizes on a Forward? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, July 19.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Love is the difficult realization that something other than oneself is real. --- Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999) Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
An old nun who was living in a convent next to a Brooklyn construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways. She decided she would take her lunch, sit with the workers and talk with them. She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked over to the spot where the men were eating. She walked up to the group and with a big smile said, "Do you men know Jesus Christ?" They looked at each other and shook their heads. One of the workers looked up into the steelwork and yelled, "Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?" One of the steelworkers yelled down asking, "Why"? The worker yelled back, "His wife's here with his lunch."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "Surely I can't look that old!" Well, you're gonna love this one... I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist when I noticed his diploma hanging on the wall. It bore his full name and I suddenly remembered a tall, handsome dark-haired boy with the same name. He had been in my high school class some 40-odd years before and I wondered, "Could he be the same guy I had a secret crush on way back then?" When I got into the treatment room I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was much too old to have been my secret crush... or was he? After he examined my teeth I asked if he had attended Morgan Park High School. "Yes, I did. I'm a Mustang!" He said, gleaming with pride. "When did you graduate?" I asked. "1969. Why do you ask?" he answered. "Well, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. To which the ugly, old, wrinkled jerk replied, "What did you teach?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristina Michelle Brown, 23, Oklahoma City, Oklahoma I Had Sex With My Cat And Everyone Knows," Oklahoma Woman Explained To Arresting Officer Reported by Moe Convinced that a neighbor spoke to others about her having sex with a cat, an Oklahoma woman allegedly threatened the man with a knife, saying, “Do you wanna die?” Oklahoma City cops arrested Kristina Michelle Brown following her bizarre confrontation Monday afternoon with 72-year-old Elmer Morrison. The 23-year-old Brown was charged with assault and battery with a deadly weapon, a felony, and booked into jail, where she is being held in lieu of $5000 bail. According to an Oklahoma City Police Department report, Morrison told a cop that Brown had been standing at the fence between their houses yelling, “Come outside I know you are in there.” With a small pocket knife in hand, Brown then repeatedly asked, “Do you wanna die?” When police questioned Brown, she explained she was upset with Morrison “because of what he did to me.” When a cop asked what he did to her, she replied, “Because everyone knows.” She then said, “I had sex with my cat and everyone knows.” A puzzled cop asked Brown (pictured above) what role Morrison had in the cat sex. She replied that her next-door neighbor had “no connection” to the act, saying that she was “just mad because everyone knows.” Investigators reported that Brown said Morrison “does not know about what she did with the cat, she is just mad at him and wants him to die.” In an interview, Morrison, a retired salesman, was incredulous when told of Brown’s statements to police. “This is news to me,” Morrison said, adding that he had little interaction with Brown, who has lived next to him (along with assorted family members, cats, and dogs) for several years. Morrison said that Brown sometimes appeared “glassy-eyed,” and hung out with a crowd that assembled near a local head shop. Tech Support Pits From: Pennie Re: Resizing pictures in a Forward Dear Webby, Thank you so much for the newsletters coming my way and all the wonderful information. I am curious to know how your health is doing, the last time you told about your eyes, is there any improvement? I hope and pray that it is better. Today I have a question that is bothering -- is there any way that you can re-size pictures in a e-mail, (all different sizes) all at once when you want to forward or do you have to do them one by one? Your answer will be greatly appreciated and I am sure helpful to many people. Pennie Dear Pennie The eye specialist claims there is some improvement with my eyes. He is referring to the macular and the danger of going blind. My ability to see has not improved. If you were close enough, I would probably supplement with my Braille readers '-) Re resizing pictures, if you forward, then you can't change anything. If you want to change stuff, you basically have to recreate the email and resize saved pictures one at a time. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Juice as Mini Lunch Ice Packs Save Naked or Odwalla juice bottles and fill with water and freeze. These are just the right size for a child's lunch box. When they thaw, you can have cold water to drink. These are also useful for placing in a larger cooler. By Monica from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to David for this story: Lisa, my co-worker at the travel agency, needed to send a letter of apology to a customer whose trip was a complete fiasco from start to finish. I reminded her of a similar situation a year earlier and dug out the letter I'd written then. "All you have to do," I told her, "is to change the details, the date, and the name." She looked it over and smiled wryly. "We won't even need to change the name."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Two elderly gentlemen from a retirement center were sitting on a bench under a tree when one turns to the other and says: "Slim, I'm 83 years old now and I'm just full of aches and pains. I know you're about my age. How do you feel?" Slim says, "I feel just like a newborn baby." "Really!? Like a newborn baby!?" "Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.
» Polarized Bruins

Today, July 18, in
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau 
 League to fight against the Reformation.
1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as 
 Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. 
 Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed Queen.
1788 Prices plunged on the Paris stock market.
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic 
 translations into Greek, was found in Egypt.
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, 
 NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention.
1870 France declared war on Prussia.
1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 
 B-24 bombers attacked Rome for the first time.
1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test.
1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after 
 being linked in orbit for two days.
2013  smiled


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How to open a PPS file automatically 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, July 18

I took a friend up to Sheep River Falls yesterday evening.
The flood sure made a mess up there! Somehow I had not
expected any flood damage that high up in the mountains.
It took all the picknic benches near the parking area and 
messed up the road and parking area.

Down by the river there were uprooted trees and bushes
in chaotic piles twenty feet high along the shore. The trail
along the shore was of course gone or under that jumble.

The high trail was not too bad, just barely passable until
the spot, where there used to be a bridge over cut from a tiny
trickle creek. When my secretary Barb's son Malcolm got 
married to Cindy, I took a picture of them on that bridge. 
That bridge was gone. 

Well, I knew a way around that.
The big eye opener was on the rocks past the canyon.
There used to be a tree on a rocky point overlooking the 
canyon and looking very photogenic. It looked weird with
that tree gone, and part of that rocky [oint too.

Further past the canyon trees had snagged bushes and roots
and all kinds of flotsam. 



Those little trees were 120 feet above the normal water level!
And there were some huge junks of rock missing. Sure, the
side of the canyon and the rocks were cracked, but the pieces
that were knocked off and are missing must have weighed 
quite a few tons! The newly exposed rock loocked quite
different from the weathered old rock. 

Sharp edges too, I found out the hard way, when I slipped 
and stumbled and did a bit of dancing on my shins, so as
not to catch myself with my hand, that held the camera.

It must have looked hilarious me doing some weird dance 
at the edge of the canyon, camera held high, and flailing 
with my free hand. I did regain my balance without going 
down, but sure left some blood and skin off my shins on 
the rocks. No big deal, shins heal. The main thing is that
the camera was not damaged.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Love is temporary insanity curable by marriage. --- Ambrose Bierce. "There are two things in the universe that are truly abundant: Hydrogen and Stupidity." --- Frank Zappa
Thanks to NanaRina for this: Why seniors still need newspapers I was visiting my granddaughter last night when I asked if I could borrow a newspaper. "This is the 21st century," she said. We don't waste money on newspapers. Here, use my iPad." I can tell you this. That fly never knew what hit him.
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

Dr Bill replied re the Texan tractor yesterday: Old Zeke finally decided to give up using Mules, and buy one of them new-fangled tractors. The salesman told him it would cut his work in half - so he bought two.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Benton Mackenzie, 47, and his wife, Loretta, 41, in Long Grove, Iowa They just don't get it Reported by Sailor Deputies were turning to leave the Mackenzies' Long Grove, Iowa, home, when Benton Mackenzie allegedly called them back in to show them a court document. There on the coffee table in the basement, the deputies spotted a gram of marijuana and a pipe, Scott County Sheriff's Lt. Bryce Schmidt said. Now Benton Mackenzie, 47, and his wife, Loretta, 41, are charged for the third time in three years with drug possession. The two were in the Scott County Jail on Monday on misdemeanor charges as well as felony charges because they violated probation. A Scott County judge had given each of them probation in 2011 after they pleaded guilty to Class D felony charges of drug possession/delivery. Now they each face five years in prison for violating terms of the probation, which included abstaining from marijuana use. They allegedly violated those terms last month, when deputies searched their home at 27120 183rd Ave., and seized 50 to 75 marijuana plants. They were charged then with drug possession/delivery and spent a day in jail. Their 21-year-old son, Cody Mackenzie, was charged with misdemeanor drug possession. Benton Mackenzie's 74-year-old parents, Dorothy and Charles Mackenzie, were charged with hosting a drug house, an aggravated misdemeanor. After the June 21 search and arrest of the couple, the Iowa Department of Corrections was notified of the new charges and sent Scott County Sheriff's deputies to their home last Thursday to serve probation violation warrants. Schmidt said that's when the deputies spotted the marijuana on the coffee table. "They just don't get it," Schmidt said. They even look happy on their mug shots, as if getting free room and board away from each other for five years was the goal, that they tried to accomplish. Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: PPS Dear Webby ...'sme again. I have sent a PPS file to my friend but he cannot open it. I think because he is still using XP. Do I have to convert it or do something to it, so that he can open it? Thanks for you help. Hugs Ann Dear Ann Windows XP has nothing to do with that. All he needs is a normal pps PowerPoint viewer. He can get one free from Microsoft. The easiest way to get it is to go to http://webby.com/pps That forwards to the mile long link at Microsoft. There are other free PPS viewers available, but that one is quite OK for beginners. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microwave Cloves Before Peeling If you have multiple cloves of garlic to peel, zap them in the microwave for 5-10 seconds. Let them cool for a minute or two, since they get pretty hot. The skins will easily slip off. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thanks to Glen for this one: A man was just getting himself seated at the bar when another man arrived and as he seated himself said "I'll have a Waterlou". The first man thought that the drink sounded interesting and also told the bartender "I would like what he ordered, I too will have a waterlou". The bartender set before them both a tall glass with clear liquid and a lemon wedge. Taking a big swig, the first man almost sprayed it out through his mouth and had a fit of coughing. "That tastes just like water!" he choked out. The second man said, "That's what you ordered, right Lou?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our college just completed a new three-story building. While walking down a hall on the 2nd floor, I overheard two students say, "I really like the skylights on the 3rd floor." "Me too," remarked the second student. "I don't know why they didn't just put some on the 2nd floor too." --------- Political Science students?
» Hyper Realistic Art

Today, July 18, in
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began.
1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England.
1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to 
 back the French Revolution.
1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing 
 for secret election ballots.
1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation 
 division called the Signal Corps.
1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway.
1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to 
 fight to the last man against the invading Italian army.
1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of 
 General Body Company’s factory in Chicago, IL.
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco 
 led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa.
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight.
1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the 
 battle of the hedgerows.
1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and 
 war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country
 in World War II.
1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull 
 their troops out of Vietnam.
2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore 
 train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days 
 and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several 
 days. (Maryland) 
2013  smiled


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How to get rid of Windows log-on prompt 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 17

Thank you Bonita!
Thank you, Frank!


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you drink, don't drive. Don't even putt. --- Dean Martin People always call it luck when you've acted more sensibly than they have. --- Anne Tyler (1941 - ),
Thanks to Lisa for this story: I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM machine down there....."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

A Texan is bragging to his cousin in Montana. "On mah fahrm in Taxas," he drawls, "I can git on mah tractor, ride all daiy long, and still be on mah fahrm by nightfohl." "Yeah", replies his cousin, "I know what you mean. I once used to have a John Deere tractor like that too."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Harris, 25, West Palm Beach, Floriduh Jailed After Leaving Two Young Children Alone In Parking Lot To Watch Concert Reported by The Weekly Vice Brittany Harris, a 25-year-old Florida bonehead, was jailed Sunday after she left her two young children out in a crowded parking lot while she attended a Lil Wayne concert. According to the Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office, a deputy was working the Lil Wayne concert at the Cruzan Amphitheater Sunday night when a concert staff member brought him two children (ages 3 and 5) who had been abandoned out in the parking lot by their mother. The staff member told the deputy that the two children were observed alone out in the parking lot for several hours before they were questioned about where their parent(s) might be. Investigators say the children told the staff member and deputies that their mother, identified as Brittany Harris, left them in the parking lot to attend the concert. About 45 minutes later, deputies made contact with Harris in the parking lot as she was leaving the concert. Harris initially told deputies that her cousin brought the children to the concert. She then admitted to bringing the children and then leaving them in the car so she could watch the concert. Harris was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail and charged with two counts of child neglect. Her bond has been set at $6,000. The two children were placed into protective custody. Tech Support Pits From: Tuck Re: Get rid of Windows log-on prompt Dear Webby You have a great newsletter it is the first one I read every day. Keep up the good work. How do I get rid of the log on prompt in Windoze 7? I want to turn the computer on, go make coffee, and expect it to be up and ready for me, when I get back to it. Thanks Tuck Dear Tuck Click on START and paste this into the Search field: netplwiz It will eventually find it and show it highlighted in a search window. You will, after a few seconds, get a screen named USER ACCOUNTS Among other information you see a checkmarked checkbox. by a line about User must enter name and password Take that checkmark off, hit Hit APPLY and OK. That is all there is to it. No problem at all, as long as you know that top secret wizzards spell: netplwiz Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Puzzle Pieces in Ziploc Bags My toddler grandson loves puzzles. We have many boxes of them - 35-55 pieces each. So the pieces don't get mixed up with other puzzles, I bag each puzzle in a zip locked baggy (sandwich size) and place it back into the puzzle box. No lost pieces or mixed up puzzles. By Shirley from Shepherdsville, KY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thaks to Mona for this story: Our young daughter had adopted a stray cat. To my distress, he began to use the back of our new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," my husband reassured me. "I'll have him trained in no time." I watched for several days as my husband patiently "trained" our new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, my husband deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"
» Hyper Realistic Art

Today, July 17, in
1212 The Moslems were crushed in the Spanish crusade.
1453 France defeated England at Castillon, France, 
 which ended the 100 Years' War.
1785 France limited the importation of goods from Britain.
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte surrendered to the British at 
 Rochefort, France.
1821 Spain ceded Florida to the U.S.
1866 Authorization was given to build a tunnel beneath 
 the Chicago River. The three-year project cost $512,709.
1898 U.S. troops under General William R. Shafter took 
 Santiago de Cuba during the Spanish-American War.
1917 The British royal family adopted the Windsor name.
1941 Brigadier General Soervell directed Architect G. Edwin 
 Bergstrom to have basic plans and architectural perspectives 
 for an office building that could house 40,000 War Department 
 employees on his desk by the following Monday morning. 
 The building became known as the Pentagon.
1945 U.S. President Truman, Soviet leader Josef Stalin and 
 British Prime Minister Winston S. Churchill began meeting 
 at Potsdam in the final Allied summit of World War II. 
 During the meeting Stalin made the comment that 
 "Hitler had escaped."
1946 Chinese communists opened a drive against the Nationalist 
 army on the Yangtze River.
1960 Francis Gary Powers pled guilty to spying charges in a 
 Moscow court after his U-2 spy plane was shot down over 
 the Soviet Union.
1966 Ho Chi Minh ordered a partial mobilization of North 
 Vietnam forces to defend against American air strikes.
1975 An Apollo spaceship docked with a Soyuz spacecraft 
 in orbit. It was the first link up between the U.S. and 
 Soviet Union.
1997 After 117 years, the Woolworth Corp. closed its 
 last 400 stores.
1998 Biologists reported that they had deciphered the 
 genome (genetic map) of the syphilis bacterium.
2013  smiled


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How long to keep a blacklist 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 16


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The computing field is always in need of new cliches. --- Alan Perlis
Thanks to Connie for this: My mother-in-law says that she can not understand how the lackluster, low mentality, loser that her daughter had the misfortune to marry could have produced such smart, intelligent, beautiful, and wonderful grandchildren. She is inclined to believe that genetics skips every other generation. Therefore she is not holding out much hope for her great-grandchildren.
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

I was helping a friend of mine with his roadside farm stand when a man stopped by and asked how much the eggs were. "Sixty cents for the small, seventy cents for the medium, ninety cents for the large and thirty cents for the cracked ones," I answered. "All right," he said, "crack me a dozen of the large ones."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edwin Charles Tobergta, 34, Hamilton, Ohio Edwin Tobergta - Jailed After Having Sex With Pool Raft….. Again! Reported by The Weekly Vice Edwin Charles Tobergta, a 34-year-old Ohio man, was jailed Wednesday after he was allegedly caught by a child having sex with a rubber raft. And if this story seems a little too familiar, there's a reason for that. This isn't Edwin's first incident that involves having sex with inflatable objects. In August, 2011 Tobergta was arrested when he stole a neighbor's pool raft and began having sex with it. This time Tobergta was arrested after he allegedly stripped naked and began having sex with a pink inflatable pool raft in an ally behind his home. The incident took place in front of several children, one of who was the owner of the raft. Tobergta picked up the raft and went back into his home after one of the children shouted at him to stop. Besides the 2011 incident, Tobergta was also arrested in 2002 when he was caught having sex with an inflatable pumpkin. Tobergta has been jailed at least 5 times in recent years for similar acts. Tobergta, who has now been indicted by a grand jury, was booked into the Butler County Jail and charged with felony public indecency. He remains held in lieu of $25,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Eliza Re: How long to keep blacklist? Dear Webby You mentioned at one time how long to keep addresses in the Mailwasher blacklist. I am quite happy with MailWasher, but I noticed that the blacklist file is getting quite large, and sooner or later that must be putting a load on my machine. And how do you deal with spammers that keep changing their forged sending addresses? Eliza Dear Eliza MailWasher generally ignores the sender address, unless it is in the blacklist, since most spammers forge their sender address anyway. MailWasher checks the content of spam. Persistent spammers like the watch sellers are best dealt with a filter. It takes 20 seconds to make a filter, and you never see mail from those crooks again. To keep the blacklist short and fast, I age it off in two days. By then the spammers usually change their address anyway. For those of you who haven't got MailWasher yet, click the link and and get a free trial copy. You can get the free trial at http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mechanical Pencil as Stylus I saw my daughter using one of her empty mechanical pencils as a stylus on her DSI. I am sure it could be used on any electronic which has a touch screen. Editor's Note: Be sure your mechanical pencil does not have a metal tip as this might scratch the screen. By Robyn Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A waitress became violently ill while at work and was rushed by ambulance to the emergency room. In typical hospital fashion, she was placed on an examining table and then all but ignored for the next half-hour. Finally, she noticed a doctor out in the hall and yelled, "Please help me!" "Sorry," he replied, "it's not my table."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An industrious turkey farmer was always experimenting with breeding to make a perfect turkey. His family was fond of the leg portion for dinner, but there were never enough legs for everyone. After many frustrating attempts, the farmer was relating the results of his efforts to his friends at the general store. "Well I finally did it! I bred a turkey that has six legs!" They all asked the farmer how it tasted. "I don't know," said the farmer. "I can't catch him!"
» The Slinky

Today, July 16, in
1774 Russia and the Ottoman Empire signed the treaty of 
 Kuchuk-Kainardji, ending their six-year war.
1779 American troops under General Anthony Wayne captured 
 Stony Point, NY.
1790 The District of Columbia, or Washington, DC, was set 
 as the permanent seat of the United States Government.
1791 Louis XVI was suspended from office until he agreed 
 to ratify the constitution.
1875 The new French constitution was finalized.
1912 Bradley A. Fiske patented the airplane torpedo.
1926 The first underwater color photographs appeared in 
 "National Geographic" magazine. The pictures had been taken 
 near the Florida Keys.
1935 Oklahoma City became the first city in the U.S. to make 
 use of parking meters.
1940 Adolf Hitler ordered the preparations to begin on the 
 invasion of England, known as Operation Sea Lion.
1942 French police officers rounded up 13,000 Jews and held 
 them in the Winter Velodrome. The round-up was part of an 
 agreement between Pierre Laval and the Nazis. Germany had 
 agreed to not deport French Jews if France arrested 
 foreign Jews.
1944 Soviet troops occupied Vilna, Lithuania, in their 
 drive toward Germany.
1945 The United States detonated the first atomic bomb 
 in a test at Alamogordo, NM.
1950 The largest crowd in sporting history was 199,854. 
 They watched Uruguay defeat Brazil in the World Cup 
 soccer finals in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.
1951 J.D. Salinger's novel "The Catcher in the Rye" was 
 first published.
1969 Apollo 11 blasted off from Cape Kennedy, FL, and 
 began the first manned mission to land on the moon.
1979 Saddam Hussein became president of Iraq after forcing 
 Hasan al-Bakr to resign.
1981 After 23 years with the name Datsun, executives of 
 Nissan changed the name of their cars to Nissan.
2013  smiled


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Adding a path to new programs or data 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, July 15 


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I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) You miss 100 percent of the shots you never take. --- Wayne Gretzky (1961 - )
There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court. The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, your Honor, I am primitive. I don't have a proper measure, but I do have a scale." The judge asked, "Then how do you weigh the butter?" The farmer replied "Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker."
The Secrets To Successful Candle Making Discover The Secrets To Successfully Make Exquisite Candles At Home. Learn All The Ins-and-outs Of Working With Soy, Beeswax, Gel, And More! - Years Of Research Invested In This Book Will Benefit Both The Beginner And The Expert. Includes books on selling candles on eBay and at fairs. Get The Secrets To Successful Candle Making now!

"Oh Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken." "Oh no - how long has this been going on?" "About a year!" "A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?" "Well, we need the eggs."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wanda Lee Ann Podgurski, 60, in jail now Fugitive Tweets 'Catch Me If You Can', Gets Caught Reported by Walter, the Stonecarver A fugitive Manhattan Beach woman, who disappeared after being convicted of disability and insurance fraud in January, tweeted, "Catch me if you can," on June 5. She was caught on July 4. Wanda Lee Ann Podgurski, 60, was apprehended Thursday in Rosarita, Mexico, by the Fugitive Task Force. Her case was turned over to the U.S. Marshals and the Computer and Technology Crime High-Tech Response Team. The tweet is thought to have been directed at San Diego District Attorney Bonnie Dumanis: Podgurski's Twitter account has since been deleted, after having first tweeted out words of congratulations to the D.A.'s Office and U.S. Marshals. The former Amtrak clerk had previously been sentenced in absentia to 20 years in prison after being convicted of collecting over $650,000 in disability and insurance payments from seven insurance companies and one government agency after faking fall injuries, reports the L.A. Times. She claimed she slipped and fell at her home in 2006, which caused her to be severely disabled. Podgurski was also ordered to pay more than $1 million in fines and restitution. While she was "injured" and requiring "in-home care," Podgurski traveled to a number of destinations, including China, the Dominican Republic, New York, Seattle, Boston and Fort Lauderdale. During the two-month trial, she was free on $500,000 bail. She fled after her conviction. Her last known address was in Manhattan Beach, though she had previously lived in various places throughout Southern California, including Encinitas, Fallbrook and Leucadia. U.S. Marshals reportedly did not publicly announce how exactly they tracked down Podgurski, but Dumanis suggested the tweet played a pivotal role in her capture, perhaps thanks to an IP address. Dumanis said of Podgurski, "The defendant in this case was brazen in both the large-scale fraud she committed and the way she mocked the criminal justice system." With a tweet like that, we'd say "mocked" is the perfect word. Podgurski pleaded not guilty Monday to failure to appear while free on bail, according to Fox News. She now faces more than 30 years in prison for her ultimately unsuccessful disappearing act. Her bail money is now due in full, and she will not get bail again, ever. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Typo in Preserve picture file creation date Dear Webby, That should have been CMD not CMS Close, but not quite right. By the way, if somebody thought robocopy or the Windows Resource kit was suspicious and dumped it at one time, they can get it again from http://www.petri.co.il/download_windows ... _tools.htm Walter Dear Walter You are right, that should indeed be CMD Still typing more by feel than sight. If you have to put the Resource Kit into the path, add this line to your bat: path %path%;C:\Program Files\Windows Resource Kits\Tools That should do the trick Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Your Packing Material Save all the packing elements from the gifts you got through the mail. The bubble wrap, plastic peanuts, pillows, etc. can easily be re-used. Not to mention padded bags, etc. It's frugal and green, too! By Pamphyila from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A class professor was giving a lecture on company slogans and was asking his students if they were familiar with them. "Joe," he asked, "which company has the slogan, 'come fly the friendly skies'?" Joe answered the correct airline. "Brenda, can you tell me which company has the slogan, "Don't leave home without it?" Brenda answered the correct credit card company with no difficulty. "Now John, Tell me who uses the slogan, 'Just do it'?" And John answered, "Mom."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new senate page was reporting for duty on Capitol Hill in Washington. The department head who was giving him his instructions said, "And another thing. You must remember the telephone number here. IF you are ever calling in from an outside line you must dial Capitol 4-3121." Then, noticing the puzzled look on the page's face, he said, "What's the matter? You look as though you don't understand." "Oh, nohtin , Senor," the new page said. "I jus donnow how to dial ta capital four!"
» Ugly mix of duck, beaver & otter

Today, July 15, in
1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders.
1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights at 
 Tannenburg, Prussia.
1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without 
 the authority of the government.
1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies 
 in Prague to discuss peace terms.
1888 "Printers’ Ink" was first sold.
1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike.
1904 The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established 
 in Los Angeles, CA.
1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated 
 by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co.
1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the 'Hump' 
 was carried to help China's war effort.
1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, to 
 protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew 
 October 25, 1958.
1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close-up 
 pictures of the planet Mars.
1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the 
 U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, landed 
 at Kennedy International Airport in New York.
1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law.
2013  smiled


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Preserving picture creation dates when copying 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, July 14 

Back in the saddle again!



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A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to payoff with your money. --- G. Gordon Liddy The Carbon Tax scheme is just a transfer of money from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. --- D.W. Government is the great fiction, through which everybody endeavors to live at the expense of everybody else. --- Frederic Bastiat, French economist(1801-1850) Just because you do not take an interest in politics doesn't mean politics won't take an interest in you! --- Pericles (430 B.C.) Marriage worked well in the 18th century because people only lived to be 40. --- Meade
Thanks to Sandie for sending this classic: The computer swallowed grandma Yes, honestly it's true. She pressed 'control' and 'enter' And disappeared from view. It devoured her completely, The thought just makes me squirm. She must have caught a virus Or been eaten by a worm. I've searched through the recycle bin And files of every kind; I've even used the Internet, But nothing did I find. In desperation, I asked Jeeves My searches to refine. The reply from him was negative, Not a thing was found 'online.' So, if inside your 'Inbox,' My Grandma you should see, Please 'Copy,''Scan' and 'Paste' her And send her back to me! This is a tribute to all the Grandmas who have been fearless and learned to use the computer. They are the greatest!!! -------------- And some GreatGrammas too!
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

Once there was a little boy who lived in the country. For bathroom facilities, they had to use an outhouse. The little boy hated it because it was hot in the summer, cold in the winter and stank all the time. The outhouse was sitting on the bank of a creek and the boy determined that one day he would push that outhouse into the water. One day after a spring rain, the creek was swollen so the little boy decided today was the day to push the outhouse into the creek. So he got a large stick and pushed. Finally, the outhouse toppled into the creek and floated away. That evening his dad sternly told him to sit down. Knowing he was in trouble, the little boy asked why. The dad replied, "Someone pushed the outhouse into the creek today. It was you, wasn't it, son?" The boy answered yes. Then he thought a moment and said, "Dad, I read in school today that George Washington chopped down a cherry tree and didn't get into trouble because he told the truth." The dad replied, "Well, son, George Washington's father wasn't in that cherry tree!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version First white one of the year Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Anthony Thomas, 33, Ocala, Floriduh Florida man robs gas station after applying for job Reported by Helen Police say 33-year-old Anthony Thomas was at an Ocala, Florida gas station applying for a job. When the clerk leaves the counter, security cameras show Thomas reaching over and grabbing a handful of cash — around $130 — out of the open register. On Tuesday morning, shortly after filling out a job application with his actual name, Ocala police say Anthony D. T homas, 33, who was standing by a door in the gas station, pilfered money from a drawer and left. A surveillance video shows the theft, which occurred while a store employee wasn't looking. Thomas was arrested and faces charges of burglary, petit theft and resisting arrest with violence, according to the Ocala Police Department. OPD received a call from the Citgo, 1517 SW College Road in Ocala, at 9:48 a.m. A member of the agency's Special Deployment Unit and other officers got a description of the suspect. Thomas was a frequent visitor at the store, where he would buy cigarettes. The officer caught Thomas and held onto him briefly, but the suspect fought him off and squirmed away, according to OPD. The officer grabbed him again and, with help from officers Jeff Hall and Brett Casteel, was able to make the arrest. They reported finding most of the cash on him. Police said $130 was stolen. The suspect had been wearing a shirt during the burglary. Thomas had on jean shorts but no shirt or shoes when arrested. "I did not go into no cash register to get no money," Thomas told a reporter after his arrest. "I didn't rob no store." Tech Support Pits From: Nigle Re: Preserve picture file creation date Dear Webby, When I try to copy pictures to my back-up drive, Windows stomps over the file creation date with the copy date, which is totally useless. Is there a way around that? Thanks Nigle Dear Nigle Not officially, but there IS a way. You have to go into DOS, which is still underneath all the glitter. Click on START type CMS and hit ENTER. The scary black DOS screen pops up. In there, type robocopy /? That will give you all the command options for robocopy I would agree, that is a lot more information than almost all of you, except maybe Moe, are interested in or can digest. All you need, thugh is robocopy source destination Let's say the source are the pictures on the camera chip g:\ and they are in g:\DCIM\303CANON and the destination is the \pix\CANON\July folder on the E: drive. So your command would be robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July Actually quite simple, if you don't complicate it. Robocopy copies the entire folder by default. You can narrow that down by using wildcards, but for your purposes, the entire folder is probably best. Robocopy preserves the creation dates by default, which is usually of extreme importance to photographers. We really don't give a hoot about when a picture was copied from a chip to a drive, we want to know, when the picture was taken. Spend a bit of time getting familiar with robocopy. If typo-ing that whole command is too strenuous on your typo finger, or if you want to delegate that chore to your spouse, you can write a BAT to automate it Use a plain text editor like NoteMaid, NoteTab, or even Notepad or WordPad. With the last two, you have to watch the file saving, They like to change the extension and piss .txt at the end. That kills a BAT. A BAT needs to have .bat as the extension. Save the file as pixcopy.bat or something like that, at a place, that you can find easily, for example right at the top of the C: drive. In the file write: @echo off robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July echo ****** Copied ******* PAUSE exit Save it. Then find that pixcopy.bat with the file explorer, and make a shortcut to it. Drag the shortcut onto the desktop. Change the icon to that shortcut to one, that makes sense for that. Now, when your spouse clicks on that shortcut icon, Robocopy copies all the files from the g:\DCIM\303CANON folder on the camera chip onto e:\pix\CANON\July and then prompts him with white text on a black screen: ****** Copied ******* Hit any key When he does, the black DOS screen disappears. If you want to be devious, you can write in the BAT: @echo off robocopy g:\DCIM\303CANON e:\pix\CANON\July echo ****** Copied ******* PAUSE echo not THAT key! PAUSE exit Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Pads for Protecting Hardwood Floors My dining room chairs were scratching my hardwood floors. Instead of spending money on the stick-on felt thingys that fall off, I cut furry fabric (I used a 2 liter bottle cap as a template for cutting) and hot glued them to the feet of all my chairs. By Jenn from Lenox, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Garden Grass Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous. Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. Here's why. A couple in Morro Bay, California, had a lot of potted plants. During a recent chilly spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants and when it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud scream. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, wouldn't listen to his protests and loaded him on the stretcher and started carrying him out. About that time the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical! Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor man. He volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that he had been bitten by the snake. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now the police had arrived. They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little green snake. The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. The little snake again crawled out from under the sofa. One of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over and the lamp on it shattered and as the bulb broke it started a fire in the drapes. The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, the burning drapes, were seen by the neighbors who called the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire truck ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires and put out the electricity and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car, and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants! for the night. That's when he left her and moved to Alaska. No snakes there.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jack was driving home after a hard days work, and he was not in a good mood. Nothing at the office had gone right, and so when he was about to make the turn off and a car came wildly careening around the corner in his lane, he was furious! To make matters worse, the lady driving the car, a former neighbor whom he knew well, stuck her head out the window and yelled, "PIG! PIG!" Jack couldn't contain himself any longer. He rolled down his window, stuck his head out, and shouted, "BATTLE AXE!" Still fuming, he drove around the corner, and ran into a big pig, standing in the middle of the road.
» Wedding Customs Around the World

Today, July 14, in
1223 - In France, Louis VIII succeeded his father, Philip 
 Augustus.
1430 - Joan of Arc, taken prisoner by the Burgundians in May, 
 was handed over to Pierre Cauchon, the bishop of Beauvais.
1456 - Hungarians defeated the Ottomans at the Battle of 
  Belgrade.
1536 - France and Portugal signed the naval treaty of Lyons, 
  which aligned them against Spain.
1789 - French Revolution began when Parisians stormed the 
 Bastille prison and released the seven prisoners inside.
1798 - The U.S. Congress passed the Sedition Act. The act 
 made it a federal crime to write, publish, or utter false 
 or malicious statements about the U.S. government.
1868 - Alvin J. Fellows patented the tape measure.
1891 - The primacy of Thomas Edison's lamp patents was 
  upheld in the court decision Electric Light Company 
  vs. U.S. Electric Lighting Company.
1900 - European Allies retook Tientsin, China, from the 
 rebelling Boxers.
1911 - Harry N. Atwood landed an airplane on the lawn of 
 the White House to accept an award from U.S. President Taft.
1914 - Robert H. Goddard patented liquid rocket-fuel.
1933 - All German political parties except the Nazi Party 
 were outlawed.
1940 - A force of German Ju-88 bombers attacked Suez, Egypt, 
 from bases in Crete.
1945 - American battleships and cruisers bombarded the 
 Japanese home islands for the first time.
1946 - Dr. Benjamin Spock’s "The Common Sense Book of 
  Baby and Child Care" was first published.
1951 - The first sports event to be shown in color, 
 on CBS-TV, was the Molly Pitcher Handicap at Oceanport, NJ.
1958 - The army of Iraq overthrew the monarchy.
1965 - The American space probe Mariner 4 flew by Mars, 
 and sent back photographs of the planet.
1998 - Los Angeles sued 15 tobacco companies for $2.5 billion 
 over the dangers of secondhand smoke.
2008 - The iTunes Music Store reached 10 million applications 
 downloaded.
2009 - The iTunes Music Store reached 1.5 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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How to stop FireFox from reverting to an unwanted, bad version 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, July 9

Today I have to go to Calgary for more 
injections into my eyeballs. That means no send-out
of any newsletters on Thursday, Friday, Saturday.


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The fragrance always remains in the hand that gives the rose. --- Heda Bejar
"Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor.
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

A classic: A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man then proceeded to look directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri 19-Year-Old Slizzard Bloodies Grandpa’s Nose And Bites His Grandma After They Confront Him For Drinking Up Their Wine Reported by Bossip Interesting description they use for that Bonehead! A Deltona slizzard confronted by his grandmother for drinking her two bottles of wine bit her on the shoulder, investigating Volusia deputies said. Blake Hale, 19, also gave his 70-year-old grandpa a bloody nose, an arrest report shows. Deputies were called to the Albury Avenue home in Deltona at 7:49 p.m. Tuesday where 59-year-old Sue Wilson reported her grandson had bitten her, investigators said. Wilson said Hale was acting drunk when she came home and she noticed her two bottles of wine were empty, deputies said. The woman reported Hale became defensive, angry and started yelling obscenities at her. The verbal argument escalated into a physical confrontation and Hale started to bite Wilson on the shoulder as she walked out the front door, the report said. Wilson had a bite mark on her right shoulder, deputies said. When deputies made contact with Wilson’s 70-year-old husband, he reported Hale had punched him and given him a bloody nose. Deputies arrested Hale and charged him with battery on a person 65 years or older and battery, the arrest report states. Tech Support Pits From: Mare Re: FireFox reverted to bad #22 Dear Webby, Webby, I am so frustrated. I read the letter from the lady who was unhappy with the new Firefox (as I also am very unhappy with it) And took your advice. All was good. I had my normal size print back and my Roboform was back. However, the next day when I turned my computer on, I was right back to the new Firefox. How do I change it and KEEP it? Thanks for so much help in the past. I hope all goes well with your shots. Will you have to do this for the rest of your life? It sounds so painful and my heart goes out to you. Take care and thanks. Mare in Maryland Dear Mare Have not written to you in too long a time! How are you? In FireFox click on TOOLS OPTIONS ADVANCED and set the buttons like this: It will occasionally nag you about updating, but that nag pop-up clicks away with one click. Re the shots, I have to go again tomorrow. No idea how many more times I have to go. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laundry Washing And Drying Tips I supplement regular detergent with borax, and wash in cold water always. When using the clothes dryer (if it's too cold and wet to dry outside or on a rack inside), I throw in a couple clean tennis balls. They move the clothes around more, preventing the inevitable lumping of wet laundry. By Tarah B. from Moses Lake, WA A bit of liquid fabric softener added to the wash makes line dried laundry nice and soft. The benefit is that you are not ripping a year off clothes, like you do every time you put it into a dryer. That handful of lint in the lint catcher is what the dryer ripped off the fabric. I have some shirts, that are over twenty years old, and except for being in dire need of ironing, they are still like new. When I retire, I am going to learn how to iron shirts. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Make me one with everything," the Buddhist monk said to the hot-dog vendor who was hawking food near the temple. The vendor made a frank with mustard, ketchup, relish, and onions. The monk took it and handed over a twenty-dollar bill. The vendor stashed the cash in his apron and turned his attention to the next customer. "But where's my change?" the monk inquired. "Change must come from within, my friend," said the vendor.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One night a teenage girl brought her new boyfriend home to meet her parents, and they were appalled by his appearance: leather jacket, tattoos and pierced nose. Later, the parents pulled their daughter aside and confessed their concern. "Dear," said the mother diplomatically, "he doesn't seem very nice." "Oh please, Mom," replied the daughter, "if he wasn't nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?"
» Pretty Froggies

Today, July 10, in
1609 The Catholic states in Germany set up a league under 
 the leadership of Maximillian of Bavaria.
1679 The British crown claimed New Hampshire as a royal colony.
1776 The statue of King George III was pulled down in 
 New York City.
1778 In support of the American Revolution, Louis XVI declared 
 war on England.
1821 U.S. troops took possession of Florida. The territory was 
 sold by Spain.
1866 Edison P. Clark patented his indelible pencil.
1890 Wyoming became the 44th state to join the United States.
1910 W.R. Brookins became the first to fly an airplane at an 
 altitude of one mile.
1913 The highest temperature ever recorded in the U.S. was 
 134 degrees in Death Valley, CA.
1928 George Eastman first demonstrated color motion pictures.
1938 Howard Hughes completed a 91 hour flight around the world.
1940 The 114-day Battle of Britain began during World War II.
1949 The first practical rectangular television was presented. 
 The picture tube measured 16 by 12 and sold for $12.
1951 Armistice talks aimed at ending the Korean conflict began
1951 Sugar Ray Robinson was defeated for only the second time 
 in 133 fights as Randy Turpin took the middleweight crown.
1953 American forces withdraw from Pork Chop Hill in Korea 
 after heavy fighting.
1962 The Telstar Communications satellite was launched. 
 The satellite relayed TV and telephone signals between 
 Europe and the U.S.
1973 Britain granted the Bahamas their independence after 
 three centuries of British colonial rule.
1985 Coca-Cola resumed selling the old formula of Coke, 
 it was renamed "Coca-Cola Classic." It was also announced 
 that they would continue to sell "New" Coke.
1991 U.S. President Bush lifted economic sanctions against 
 South Africa, citing its "profound transformation" toward 
 racial equality.
1997 Scientists in London said DNA from a Neanderthal skeleton 
 supported a theory that all humanity descended from an 
 "African Eve" 100,000 to 200,000 years ago.
2002 Peter Paul Rubens' painting "The Massacre of the Innocents" 
 sold for $76.2 million at Sotheby's.
2013  smiled


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Laptop and air travel 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Tuesday, July 9

On Wednesday I have to go to Calgary for more 
injections into my eyeballs. That means no send-out
of any newsletters on Thursday, Friday, Saturday.



If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I'm worried that the universe will soon need replacing. It's not holding a charge. --- Edward Chilton All human beings should try to learn before they die what they are running from, and to, and why. --- James Thurber
There was a university in New England where the students operated a "bank" of term papers and other homework assignments. There were papers to suit all needs. Since it would look odd if an undistinguished student suddenly handed in a brilliant essay, there were papers for an A grade, B grade, and C grade. One student, who had spent the weekend on more "extra-curricular pursuits," went to the bank, and as his course was a standard one he took out a paper for a inconspicuous C. He then retyped it and handed the work in. In due course he received it back with the professor's comments. "I wrote this paper myself twenty years ago. I always thought it was worth an A, and now I'm pleased to give it one!"
How To Grow Organic Mushroom At Home for fun and profit: Step-by-step Videos It is easy enough to expand from hobby to professional grower or teacher. Order Mushroom Growing 4 You now!

It was the first camping experience for Jed. As soon as he had pitched his tent, he went for a hike in the woods. In about fifteen minutes he rushed back into camp, bleeding and disheveled. "What happened?" asked a fellow camper. "I was chased by a black snake!" cried the frightened Jed. The other campers laughed and retorted, "Those black snakes aren't deadly." "Listen," groaned Jed, "If he can make you jump off a hundred-fifty-foot cliff, he is!!!!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri Dopey accident victim attempts to kidnap baby of couple that stopped to help him Reported by Sailor Andre Bowman, 30, from Kansas City Missouri was high on PCP when he fell out of a moving car. He then got run over by the vehicle behind him who did not realize that the man just fallen to the ground. Apparently the driver of the vehicle, that ran over Bowman, was under the influence of something strong, and did not notice he had driven over a body. The accident happened around 2 p.m. on Saturday near I-70 & Blue Ridge Cutoff. Some other passing drivers stopped to help Bowman, since his intoxication made it appear as if he was seriously hurt. One couple, Sarah Morris and Matthew Nicotra, who stopped to Bowman help him, had their two babies in the backseat of their car. All of a sudden the "injured" man jumped up and ran to the couple’s car and he tried to kidnap their 2-month-old-baby girl who was inside her car seat. “He was trying to grab her out of the back seat, I got out, grabbed him, told him to let go of my daughter and he wouldn’t let go,” said the baby’s father Matthew Nicotra. “The parents kept yelling at him and pulling the car seat so he couldn’t take the baby, that’s when other drivers stepped in to help.” said one onlooker. Friends of Bowman however say that he is a victim himself. The man was left heartbroken after his 18-month-old daughter Ada, was killed last month by her mother’s boyfriend. The boyfriend, 24-year -old Bryant L. Sykes Jr., admitted to throwing the girl up against the wall. The mother and her boyfriend are facing charges in the death of the young girl. His friend believes that he was not trying to hurt the baby. She believes that the little white girl in the car reminded him of his daughter and he snapped. Bowman is trying to get custody of his other two children Angelicia, 2, and Amileo, 3, but this incident might end his chances of getting custody of his kids. Being so stoned, that he fell out of a car, is not a sign of a good father. As of now, Bowman is in the hospital pending charges of attempted child abduction. Tech Support Pits From: Erika Re: Laptop and air travel Dear Webby, Considering the new restrictions, what do you recommend re laptops, especially if they have to go into the checked luggage? Erika Dear Erika In most places they allow laptops onto the planes again. However, if they don't, take out the hard drive and put it into your purse or wallet. You can even get padded drive wallets made for USB drives. Laptop drives are small enough that you can easily jam them into even a very tight camera case. All you need to take it out and put it back in is a small Phillips screwdriver. The type that looks like a short pencil and goes on a key ring is ideal, but a key, with the edges at the tip sharpened a bit, works fine too. However, if it looks like a screwdriver, put it into the checked luggage. TSA agents seem to be fascinated by screwdrivers and anything, that looks essential, and will confiscate it for sure. The rest of the laptop is replaceable. Don't get one of thoe fancy show-off Zero-Halliburton padded metal cases! Their locks are not TSA approved and your laptop may stay behind while you travel. A fancy case will just tempt somebody to rip it off. When you pack, keep in mind that when the baggage handlers slam the luggage onto the conveyor, they do it with the top down and wheels UP. Put the laptop somewhere in the middle, cushioned by clothes,not near the top of the case. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Flat Sheets Over Comforter With a king sized bed, washing bedding is a major task - and washing blankets and comforters sometimes necessitates a trip to a laundromat to use the high capacity machines. Having two cats sleeping (and shedding) on the bed does not make this any easier. I have a duvet cover for my comforter, but even that takes up an entire load on its own, and in the summer we don't use the comforter at all. I simplified my life, and reduced my laundry expenses, by buying a few flat sheets that coordinate with my bedding and decor. When I make the bed, I spread the flat sheet across the top of the bed (I usually turn it sideways so it hangs nicely - but each sheet varies a bit in dimensions). When I change my sheets, I just grab this sheet also - throw them all in the wash together - and then I have a hair free bed topper and less bulk in my laundry. By Regina from Rochester, NY Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A guy takes his greenhorn wife hunting on a ranch. When they reach their deer blinds, the guy says, "If you shoot a deer, be sure not to let somebody else say he's the one who shot it. Otherwise, he'll take the deer from you. The deer belongs to whoever shoots it." The guy goes to his own blind. Ten minutes later, he hears his wife shooting from her blind nearby. He rushes over and finds her pointing her rifle at a cowboy who's hollering, "Awright, lady, awright - you can have your freaking deer! Just lemme get my saddle off it!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy is walking down the street with his friend. He says to his friend, "I'm a walking economy." His friend replies, "How's that?" "It's like this -- my hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of these factors is putting me into a depression."
» Know Dolls Houses, Past & Present:

Today, July 9, in
0118 Hadrian, Rome's new emperor, made his entry into the city.
0455 Avitus, the Roman military commander in Gaul, became 
 Emperor of the West.
1540 England's King Henry VIII had his 6-month-old marriage 
 to his fourth wife, Anne of Cleves, annulled.
1609 In a letter to the crown, the emperor Rudolf II granted 
 Bohemia freedom of worship.
1790 The Swedish navy captured one third of the Russian fleet 
 at the naval battle of Svensksund in the Baltic Sea.
1808 The leather-splitting machine was patented by Samuel Parker.
1816 Argentina declared independence from Spain.
1872 The doughnut cutter was patented by John F. Blondel.
1877 Alexander Graham Bell, Gardiner Greene Hubbard, Thomas 
 Sanders and Thomas Watson formed the Bell Telephone Company.
1878 The corncob pipe was patented by Henry Tibbe.
1943 American and British forces made an amphibious landing on Sicily.
1947 The engagement of Britain's Princess Elizabeth to 
 Lt. Philip Mountbatten was announced.
1951 U.S. President Truman asked Congress to formally end 
 the state of war between the United States and Germany.
1971 The United States turned over complete responsibility of the 
 Demilitarized Zone to South Vietnamese units.
1997 Mike Tyson was banned from the boxing ring and fined 
 $3 million for biting the ear of opponent Evander Holyfield.
2005 Danny Way, a daredevil skateboarder, rolled down a 
 large ramp and jumped across the Great Wall of China.
2013  smiled


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