You CAN uninstall W10  




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 20

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Drunk arrested when he tried to dig up his father's grave because he wanted to have an argument with him. Details at Boneheads Today in 1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ "Love is an ocean of emotions entirely surrounded by expenses." --- Lord Dewar Press: "How did you find America?" John Lennon: "Turn left at Greenland." A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the sales department, air conditioning is handled by somebody upstairs." ______________________________________________________ "A curiosity-breeding little joker" is how Mark Twain described the typewriter. His Life on the Mississippi (1883) was the first book-length manuscript published that had been written on one of the new machines. It's rumored that a Twain's descendant wrote the first novel on a windows based computer. After losing a chapter when the machine crashed, she is said to have called the computer a #@*#@$ little *$%#@. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck E for this picture: Thousand Islands ______________________________________________________ A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Dale May, 44, Stanford, Kentucky
Drunk arrested when he tried to dig up his father's grave because he wanted to have an argument with him Authorities arrested Michael Dale May after he tried to dig up his father's grave at the Pilot Baptist Church cemetery in Stanford, Kentucky The 44-year-old man told police that he wanted to have an argument with his dad who died about 30 years ago. He was charged with violating a grave and public intoxication Lincoln County Sheriff's Deputies arrested Michael Dale May on Monday night at the Pilot Baptist Church cemetery in Stanford, Kentucky. WAVE reported that the 44-year-old man told authorities that his father died about 30 years ago and was buried at the cemetery, which is located behind the church. According to the cemetery's registry, 13 people with the last name of May are buried at that location. May was charged with violating a grave, public intoxication and possession of marijuana. As of Tuesday afternoon, May had not been released from jail according to Lincoln County records.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Don Re: You CAN UNinstall Windows 10! Dear Webby, I shared some of the info you sent regarding Windows 10 with a friend in California. He recently installed Windows 10 and ended up uninstalling it and going back to Windows 7 or 8, not sure which one. He sent the following note to me-- they say you cannot uninstall 10 but you can. You go to Start, then Settings, Then security screen, and click on restore. You can uninstall within thirty days of download. Don Thanks Don! That makes it suddenly a lot more civilized! I am sure a lot of people will be glad that they don't have to BBQ their computer. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he just had to tell his parents: "I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas! There wasn't a fat Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys who smoked camels had to deliver all the toys! And Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer with his nose so bright wasn't there yet, so they had to have this big star in the sky to find their way around." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Egg Crates for Veggie Storage Use egg crates as a base for vegetables. If a veggie becomes "weepy" before you can use it, it won't drip onto the others. Cut the crates to fit your basket or shelf. By Kelli ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!" ___________________________________________________

How to make your girlfriend shut up :)
____________________________________________________ An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!" ____________________________________________________
Coolest ice cubes ever made! I like the horse and the mermaid.

Today in 
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered Alaska. 
1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew Johnson 
 that the American Civil War was over.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 
1885 "The Mikado", by Gilbert and Sullivan, opened at the 
 Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City. 
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during 
 World War I. 
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive 
 during World War I. 
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was 
 launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage 
 from the same location on September 4. 
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II. 
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had 
 detonated a hydrogen bomb. 
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed 
 in anti-French rioting. 
1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew 
 to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of 
 822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 
1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction 
 system for album and tape recording developed by technicians 
 R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate 
 Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process 
 in its recordings. 
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" 
 liberalization. 
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The spacecraft 
 was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record containing 
 greetings in dozens of languages, samples of music and sounds 
 of nature. 
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester 
 Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 
1991 A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside the 
 Russian parliament building to protest the coup that removed 
 Gorbachev from power. 
1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka that 
 had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian Serb 
 President Radovan Karadzic. 
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean island 
 of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the Soufriere Hills. 
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not 
 secede without the federal government's consent. 
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in Afghanistan 
 and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were chosen for cruise 
 missile strikes due to their connection with Osama bin Laden. 
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions against 
 Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 
2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after more 
 than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 
2015  smiled.


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Windows10 is missing drivers 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 19

Thank you, Michael!!

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Man Bit Off Girlfriend's Finger Details at Boneheads Today in 1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of condensing milk by vacuum. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A cult is a religion with no political power. --- Tom Wolfe (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Right outside her front door, Joe's mother-in-law had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," Joe's wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine." ______________________________________________________ A policeman pulled over a car, walked up to the driver's window, and asked the man if he knew why he was pulled over. "No," the man replied. "You failed to stop at the stop sign," the cop explained. "But I did slow down!" the driver argued. The cop pulled out his riot stick and his big flashlight and, reaching in through the open car window, began a spirited drum solo on the driver's head. "Tell me if you want me to stop or just slow down a bit." --------- My driving tester in Whitehorse, Yukon, told me that one during the test drive in 1971. I never forgot it. ______________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ First Farmer: I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty. Second Farmer: Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch? First Farmer: Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I simply quit a half hour before I heard it. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Butler, 32, Seffner, Florida
Florida Man Bit Off Girlfriend's Finger A man in Seffner, Florida, is facing battery charges after he allegedly bit off a half-inch of a woman's middle finger during an argument. Christopher Butler, 32, was arrested Monday night after being accused of biting off the tip of his girlfriend's finger after she waved it in his face, TampaBay.com reports. Officers on the scene said the victim was lying on a lawn chair when they arrived. Butler was extremely intoxicated, according to ABC Action News. The victim was taken to a local hospital to have surgery on the wound. Butler was also taken there to be treated for a cut on his nose. He was then transported to the Hillsborough County Jail, according to the AP. Butler has been charged with one count of aggravated battery and is also being held on a parole violation without bail. There is no mention of any charges against the grilfriend for the wound on his face.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Goldie Re: W10 is missing drivers! Dear Webby, Do Not download the Free W10. I did, now my computer is useless. Wrong drivers they tell me. So I shut down my old computer as a useless peace of..... Goldie Dear Goldie You can't say I didn't warn you often enough. It was the same with VISTA. Too many missing drivers got people to hate it. At least with VISTA you were able to UNinstall it. With W10 you can't. You either dump your expensive camera or your computer. Which drivers are a problem? Printers, cameras, scanner? I might be able to tell you where you can get drivers, that might work with W10. Good Luck! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes,shore kin." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, mon, how big is your teapot?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Baking Soda to Clean Outside of Refrigerator To clean the outside of your refrigerator and make it look like new, use baking soda. Take a wet rag, pour some baking soda on it and start cleaning. This cleans the textured parts of the frig, like nothing I have ever seen before. By Sarah from Vandergrift, PA ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ North Korea has declared its own time zone that they are calling “Pyongyang Time,” and set their clocks back half an hour. So if it's say, 11:40 here now, in North Korea it's still 1925. ___________________________________________________

Vekoma Stingray coaster - China
____________________________________________________ There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks." ____________________________________________________
Beautiful and mesmerizing spinning clay art

Today in 
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle against 
 the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by the 
 New York Herald. 
1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of 
 condensing milk by vacuum. 
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the 
 Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 
1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were 
 arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime 
 was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in 
 Germany as Fuehrer. 
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary 
 license #1 to Orville Wright. 
1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 
 50 percent casualties. 
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted 
 of espionage in Moscow. 
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit 
 by the Soviet Union. 
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. 
 Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet 
 while in the American embassy. 
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 
 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned 
 to power two days later. 
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of 
 Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to demand 
 the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan Milosevic. 
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock Market. 
 The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day at $100.34 
 with more than 22 million shares traded. 
2015  smiled.


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Is W10 really on 50 Million "devices" ? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 18

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With THIS LINK you get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida drunk, who assaulted boyfriend who viewed porn Details at Boneheads Today in 1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ >From Tim My sister landed a good job with an accounting firm, and after a while she got a generous raise. The day she found out about it, her husband picked her up from work, and they stopped for ice cream. As they continued home, my sister blurted out, "Isn't it hard to believe that I have a job that pays this much money?" Just then, she went to toss the last of her ice cream cone out the window. However, the window was closed, and it smacked against the glass. Her husband replied calmly, "Yes, it is!" ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ One day, while giving with my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter a ride to some event downtown, I beeped the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I told her, "I did that by accident." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't scream 'YOU @#$%&!' after honking, like mom does when she honks!" ______________________________________________________ Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in- law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It sure goes down rough!" "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "You mean you're supposed to cook it?" he asked. ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: I've only seen it close to the Arkansas border. In fact, I'd never seen it until I visited the Boston mountains in Arkansas. When we took the back roads to Florida in 2005, it was all over the south. Where these plants are naturalized, they can be invasive and are considered noxious weeds. The plant climbs over trees or shrubs and grows so rapidly that it kills them by heavy shading. The plant is edible but often sprayed with herbicides." From what I've heard the plant was brought in as an ornamental plant, but very quickly grew out of control. It can overtake a house in a week or less. It is difficult to kill and many southern states use goats to keep it under control. Here's a map, and more info: Kudzu Noella ______________________________________________________ During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Delia Priem, 29, Largo, Florida
Florida drunk assaults boyfriend who viewed porn Florida police say a man suffered a beating when an angry girlfriend caught him viewing porn, after he promised her "he would stop." Delia Priem, 29, of Largo, was arrested Monday and charged with misdemeanor domestic battery after she allegedly awoke her boyfriend with a "slap to the face," according to an arrest affidavit obtained by The Smoking Gun. The affidavit, issued by the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, alleges that Priem "was upset that she found [her boyfriend] watching porn after videoing him." After the wake-up slap, Priem allegedly "pushed him in his bed" and "proceeded to throw items around the room," police said. Priem, according to The Smoking Gun, was jailed for about 12 hours before she was released on her own recognizance. Monday's arrest is not the first sticky situation that Priem has found herself in recently. She was reportedly arrested for drunken driving in April. The outcome of that case is still pending.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ed Re: W10 on 50 Million devices? Dear Webby, I read a headline that W10 apparently is on 50 Million devices. That sounds like a bunch of pelosi to me. What's the real story? Ed Dear Ed That number, if it is more than wishful thinking, would probably include a few ship loads of phones and a few warehouses full of not yet sold computers. Because going back to W7 is nearly impossible, unless you have made a mirror copy of your C: drive, actual use is not really that popular. Most people seem to be waiting for 10.1 and much better networking to W7 machines. W7 does work well now after many years of updates and the off third party utility. I don't see any rush to move to W10 at this time. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Potato Pancakes A traditional Polish recipe that can be doctored for your tastes - sweet OR savory! Approximate Time: 45 minutes Yield: 12 pancakes Ingredients: 3 medium potatoes, peeled and shredded 1 1/2 cup flour 1/4 cup sugar 1 tsp salt 1 tsp baking powder 2 eggs 1/2 cup milk (more or less depending on your batter consistency) Add ins: either 1/2 cup minced onions or 1 Tbsp each cinnamon and vanilla (some likes it savory, I like it sweet) Steps: Combine all dry ingredients in a mixing bowl. Add in egg and milk, whisk together until batter is smooth (2-3 minutes). Enlist your helper to chop, chop, chop up them taters. We have a handy, dandy slap chopper to get the job done, but you could use a food processor or a grater to do it as well. After you have all your taters shredded, add it to the batter and stir it up. Now, my great grandmother did these babies in the fryer, but since we like our arteries, I decided to PAM up a skillet and cook them like normal pancakes. Pour 1/4 cup (or so) of batter onto a skillet and cook until bubbles form, and then flip. Repeat until all your pancakes are cooked up! By Rae G. [16] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe." ___________________________________________________

cell phone crashing
____________________________________________________ A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two." ____________________________________________________
These paper cut outs by Maude White are amazing!

Today in 
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
 American soil of English parents. The colony that is 
 now Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured 
 Santa Fe, NM. 
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I. 
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in 
 Chicago IL. 
1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in 
 Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the 
 U.S. and Canada. 
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against possible enemy attacks during World War II. 
1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S. 
1982 The longest baseball game played at Wrigley Field in 
 Chicago, IL, went 21 innings before the Los Angeles Dodgers 
 defeated the Cubs 2-1. 
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker. 
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia 
 Military Institute's 158-year history. 
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they 
 would acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 
2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game) 
 where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items 
 and make billion-dollar business deals.
2015  smiled.


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No Line Breaks in parts of a newsletter 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 17

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida drunk, who tried to frame her own dog in hit-and-run accident, told cops to arrest dog Details at Boneheads Today in 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Would those of you in the cheaper seats clap your hands? And the rest of you, if you'll just rattle your jewelry. --- John Lennon (1940 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR. ______________________________________________________ A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture: Here's a picture you can use should you want Kudzu in the south (will take over everything within a couple of weeks) - was taken August 2005 Noella ______________________________________________________ When I'm having "I" problems, my wife tells me, it's time to see an optimist. --- Joe Ponkey ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Lamoreaux, 33, Sumter, Florida
Florida drunk tried to frame her own dog in hit-and-run accident, told cops to arrest dog. A suspect in a hit-and-run accident blamed the crash on her dog, telling a patrolman that he should arrest the pooch, police report. Christina Lamoreaux, 33, was involved last week in a one-vehicle crash outside her residence in Wildwood, Florida. Witnesses told cops that Lamoreaux “had left the scene and entered her own apartment.” During a police interview, Lamoreaux copped to fleeing the accident scene, but added that she “did not need to stay there due to the fact that she would pay for the damage.” Lamoreaux, who smelled of booze, then blamed the accident on her dog, though a police report does not detail the animal’s purported role in the crash. She then contended that, “I should arrest her dog,” noted Officer Matthew Reynolds. Instead of caging the canine, Reynolds arrested Lamoreaux, who subsequently failed a series of field sobriety tests at the Sumter County jail. She is facing charges for drunk driving, resisting arrest, and leaving the scene of an accident. Free on $2500 bond, Lamoreaux is scheduled for an August 26 arraignment on the misdemeanor counts. Last month, Lamoreaux posted to Facebook a photo showing her dog sitting in the passenger seat of a car. “The best road trippin friend… No backseat driving and no comments/complaints on the music choices,” the image was captioned.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Long line in question Dear Webby, you know I love you but why are the questions in your newsletters always in one reaaaaaaaaaaaaaly long line? You can see from my screen shot below (and the slider bar below how far right I have to slide it to read it all. It didn't used to be like that months and months ago. I'm on Win7 Pro now but it changed back when I was on XP. Has Winders just gone totally bonkers? Donna Dear Donna That seems to be an AOL feature. Outside of AOL, the question part has a line break at around 60 characters per line, the same as the rest of the Humor Letter. Maybe AOL can't handle the red color or the color change? Nobody else reported that problem. Try contacting AOL support. Maybe they have a way to get around that AOL "feature". Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ George and Nancy get along just great, except that she's a "backseat driver" second to none. After years of putting up with her pestering, he finally decided he'd had enough and advised her that he would no longer drive with her in the car. Later that day, on his way home from doing some shopping at the mall, he heard his cell phone ring, just as he was merging onto a freeway. It was Nancy. By chance, she had entered the freeway right behind George. "Honey," she said, "your turn signal is still on. And put on your lights; it's starting to rain, and...." And George accidentally stomped the brakes. ______________________________________________________ There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making an Orange Candle Here's a super easy way to make a candle out of an orange. It's quick to make, looks cute, and you can eat the scraps! ;) Approximate Time: 5 minutes Orange Candle ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She screams: "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington replies, "OK, I'll tell him." ___________________________________________________

confliction at the Post Office
____________________________________________________ A party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open grave. He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight. A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell into the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful. As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: "You'll never get out of here." - He did! ____________________________________________________
Beautiful movie stars. Where did the time go!

Today in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City. 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the 
 "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its 
 successful round-trip to Albany. 
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the 
 island of St. Helena. 
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack 
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 
1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first 
 electric ignition device. 
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina. 
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence 
 from the Netherlands. 
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one 
 day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to 
 Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in 
 the company's history. 
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the 
 first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in 
 Miserey, France. 
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted 
 permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived 
 in the United States before 1977. 
1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. 
 meat packers walked off the job. 
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with 
 Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, 
 Allen's longtime companion. 
1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight 
 crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was 
 carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 
1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest 
 U.S. bank. 
1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened 
 to the public.
2015  smiled.


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Split focus in Windows, just like in Linux 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 16

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Details at Boneheads Today in 1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the British regulars. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Hank I went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9 mm handgun for home protection. When I was ready to pay for the gun and bullets, the cashier said "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did just as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms finally subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader!!! I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer. Needless to say, I didn't get a gun. But..... .........I still don't think I looked that bad. ______________________________________________________ When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to dad for sending this picture: "Heaven-Candle" ______________________________________________________ What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Thomas Veres, 47, Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
Man Assaulted Brother For Not Sharing Big Macs A Pennsylvania man had a big beef with his brother over a Big Mac, and now he's facing assault charges. Thomas Veres, 47, was arrested early Wednesday morning after he allegedly punched his older brother, Matthew, 58, for eating three Big Macs and not saving one for him. Police said Veres was so mad that he ransacked the home they shared in Union Township, knocking over furniture and appliances and throwing food, the Washington County Observer-Reporter reports. Matthew Veres suffered injuries to his right eye and left cheek and had his ear cut during the assault, police said, according to the Associated Press. Thomas Veres was arrested for simple assault and harassment. He was taken to the Washington County Jail where he remains on $2,500 bond, according to CBS Pittsburgh.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Karl Re: Split Focus like in Linux Dear Webby, Hi, Webby, I found that CTRL+ALT+left or right key moves you through the desktops on Linux. From what I've seen regarding Win10, MSFT is sure asking a lot of it's customers. I appears that Win10 won't support our current file systems. The boss is a little worried. It's been a nice summer here in Denver this year. Nice cool and wet May and June followed by a very warm to hot July and August. It actually stayed green around here through mid July. One thing that I really love about Linux is that I can mouse over a screen in the background and scroll it while keeping another window in the foreground for typing. For example, filling out a form where the information you need is on another window. I can scroll the window down to the information without bringing that window forward. Is there a trick to do that in 'doze? Having fun! Karl in Denco Dear Karl I agree, W10 seems to be a dud, unless you travel by airplane a lot and need a touch screen laptop, because in today's airplanes there is not enough room for using a mouse. Re window focus, forget it. Windows has only one layer focus. If you try to scroll the spreadsheet or whatever in the background, then it becomes the foreground. Even passive stuff like OpenOffice doing an Auto-Save will pop it to the foreground and steal the focus away from Skype or whatever you are doing. A real nuisance. Here it used to be warm/hot until last night. Then the heat wave broke and we got rain. Today rain too. Looks like the fashionably desert brown lawns are turning green, and may need to be mowed again soon. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will be no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and hits a slick spot in the road and the car goes off into a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and yelled, "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you had better let him ride with me before you kill him." ______________________________________________________ Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Belly Flattening Smoothie I got this recipe for my nutritionist friend years ago and after this back-to-back barbecue-full summer, have been using it a lot lately ! It's cheap, easy to make, and totally works. I generally have it a couple hours before bed time and wake up refreshed (and not to mention, it keeps me out of the cookie jar), but it works when you're feeling bloated any time. Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: 1 big smoothie Ingredients: 1/2 lemon 1/3 large cucumber 1 Tbsp grated ginger 1 Tbsp aloe vera juice or fresh aloe vera 1/2 bunch cilantro or parsley 4 fl oz water Steps: Chuck all the ingredients into a blender. Pulse for 30 seconds. If you feel the need to have it sweet (as it is a bit tart), add some raw honey. By attosa [113] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I know you'll never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "YOU, Billy-Bob, YOU really are going to be getting up in time, and not only that, but making your own bed every morning?" ___________________________________________________

Asian/Russian dance - the Beauty Myth
____________________________________________________ A man spent his weekend fishing without a single bite. As he's going home cold and dejected, he stops at a fish store on the edge of the lake and asks for four pike. He tells the clerk, "Pick out the four largest ones you have and throw them at me, will you?" "OK," the clerk says. "But why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because," says the hapless fisherman, "I want to tell my wife that I caught them." ____________________________________________________
Amazing never seen before creatures from the deep.

Today in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of 
 Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed 
 the British regulars. 
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War 
 of 1812. 
1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria 
 to U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the 
 recently laid trans-Atlantic cable. 
1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states 
 from trading with the states of the Confederacy. 
1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the 
 eight-hour workday for its employees. 
1937 Harvard University became the first school to have 
 graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 
1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. 
 It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold 
 before the first issue came off of the presses. 
1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 
1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger. 
 He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before 
 opening his parachute over New Mexico. 
1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from 
 the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 
1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great Britain. 
2015  smiled.


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Netbook screen flipped 90 degrees 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 15

Thank you, Larry !!

When I looked to the East this morning to see what the 
weather was going to be like, the sun was just peeking
over a roof. It was blood red changing to fire engine red
as it quickly grew in size. Smoke is still fairly thick.
They must have some huge fires in BC to produce that 
much smoke.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh robber who tried to rob the wrong congregation and got thumped by the pastor until the cops rescued him. Details at Boneheads Today in 1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. --- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941) The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. --- Sam Levenson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young Easterner decides to make his fortune in the oil business, so he packs up and heads for Texas. Once there, he realizes he'll need money to get started, so he goes to the local bank. "I've come to ask for a loan," the young man says. "Well," says the banker, "how much do you need?" "How much do you have?" the young man answers ______________________________________________________ A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: It took Greg McCown 7 years to catch the perfect picture. ______________________________________________________ A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LAWN MOWER!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Grace, 21, Melbourne, Floriduh
Florida robber tackled by pastor and son A 21-year-old man was arrested on Sunday after he allegedly tried to rob a Florida church congregation during the sermon. Pastor Les Snodgrass was delivering a sermon entitled "The Value of Life," when John Grace drew a weapon and told everyone to get on the ground and hand over their money, Snodgrass said. "He pulled a gun from his bag and put [it] up to my mother's head," Snodgrass told WKMG. Snodgrass said he tried to divert Grace's attention from his mother to himself. After a few moments, he got close enough to spring into action. "I just pushed against the wall with all my might," he said. "I had him by the shoulders, and as soon as I did that, my son leapt from the platform into the air and pounced on him. He punched him in the head a few times." They contined until police showed up. The weapon that Grace had was an "airsoft BB gun realistically modeled after a Sig Sauer pistol," WTSP reports. He also had a large knife, according to police. Snodgrass said that Grace had visited the Door Christian Fellowship Church in Melbourne sporadically over the previous few years, but was not a regular congregant. Grace is charged with robbery, aggravated assault, and false imprisonment, Brevard County records show.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ginger Re: Netbook screen flipped Dear Webby, Dear Webby, I need your help. I was deleting files from a netbook I plan to donate to the local hospital for inpatients to use during longer stays, and I went to hit "CTRL" "ALT" and "DELETE" (forgetting that the Delete button is at the top of the keyboard instead of the bottom....and I hit "END". Now the screen is sideways and I can't figure out how get it back horizontal! Can you help me? Ginger Dear Ginger Usually that is done by a Trojan like Sub7 Do a thorough malware scan with a reputable anti-malware program like McAfee. It's 50% off anyway at http://webby.com/mac You can also try CTRL ALT and the up / down arrows, CTRL ALT PageUp, CTRL ALT PageDown, CTRL ALT HOME Those commands don't normally work on a desktop, but theoretically work on netbooks. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room and bed with?" ______________________________________________________ A girl walked up to the information desk in a hospital and asked to see the "upturn". "I think you mean the 'intern', don't you?" asked the nurse on duty. "Whatever," said the girl. "I want to have a contamination." "You mean 'examination,'" the nurse corrected her. "Whatever, I want to go to the 'fraternity ward,' anyway." "I'm sure you mean the maternity ward." To which the girl replied: "Upturn, intern; contamination, examination, fraternity, maternity.... what's the difference? All I know is I haven't demonstrated in two months, and I think I'm stagnant." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pill Organizer for Beads and Findings I had a few unused pill organizers laying around the house and almost threw them out. Until it dawned on me that their little compartments are perfect for storing small beads and findings. The lids snap securely so I don't have to worry about them spilling. I found that the large organizer worked best for beads, while the smaller one was perfect for the findings. Being clears means I don't even have to label them, although I might later. By lalala... [670] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving." ___________________________________________________

Bugger
____________________________________________________ A preacher of the old school is describing the events of Judgment Day to his congregation. "Oh, my friends," he intones, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth." At that point, one of the elders of the congregation interrupts to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners is old and has no teeth?" The preacher crashes his fist on the pulpit. "My friends," he thundered, "the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured, teeth will be provided." ____________________________________________________
These people are fast and efficient cleaning the "bullet train."

Today in 
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of King Duncan.
1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 
1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph Company in 
 Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word, "hello" would be a 
 more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" when answering the telephone. 
1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble Company. 
1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial traffic as 
 an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the Pacific Ocean. The 
 first vessel to pass through the canal was the American cargo and 
 passenger ship SS Ancon. 
1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were severed. 
1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane crash near 
 Point Barrow, AK. 
1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in both unusual 
 and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department awarded Sgt. Edward 
 Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 
1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern France. 
1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed to 
 surrender unconditionally. 
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided into the 
 countries of India and Pakistan. India had been under British rule
 about 200 years. 
1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 
1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate Bridge was 
 performed for the first time. 
1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin Wall. 
1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages, 
 rents and prices. 
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions against 
 South Africa. The ban included the importing of steel, uranium, 
 textiles, coal, and produce from South Africa. 
1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth" concerning the 
 issue of U.S. servicemen still being held prisoner in Indochina. 
1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI officials 
 in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege in Idaho. The 
 investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 
2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South Korea 
 for temporary reunions with relatives they had not seen for half a 
 century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans visited the North. 
2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar system 
 outside our own. They had discovered two planets orbiting a star 
 in the Big Dipper. 
2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola Mobility for 
 $12.5 billion. 
2015  smiled.


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Is Open Office stealing the focus? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Sure is smokey outside, with a very pretty orange sun.

The sunshine on buildings and vehicles looks like burnt
orange. We have a fire ban on, as usual when the temperature
gets to 30 degrees (86 F), but the smoke is coming over 
the Rockies from BC. It drops the coarse ashes while it 
climbs up the Rockies on the Pacific side, but still carries
enough fine smoke particles to cause that orange glow.

It will drop the temperature in the next few days,
but the camp fire smell will probably hang around until
they put the fires out.

Have FUN!
DerWebby

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
>From Rita Hi Webby, In Outlook I had to go to the Settings, Manage Rules: If sender contains the words "humor@webby.com" then move to Inbox. I never could get Outlook to accept it until I filled this out. Rita Thanks Rita!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NC man, who clogged casino pipes with counterfeit chips worth $2.7 Million Details at Boneheads Today in 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ "A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." - Sir. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk down into the water and stand next to the Preacher. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yess, Preacher..Ah guess so." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least a minute this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My Good man, have you found Jesus yet?" The ole drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you sure this is where he fell in?" ______________________________________________________ A little boy's mother decides that it's time her 10-year- old son has a savings account so that she can teach him the value of saving. The boy agrees, and the two of them go to the bank together. When they get there, the mother says, "It's your account, so you fill out the application." The boy is doing fine until he comes to the space for "Name of your former bank." He pauses to think, then scribbles, "Piggy." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: ______________________________________________________ A teacher asks his fifth-grade students to write an essay telling what they would do if they had 5 million dollars. Each of them begins scribbling away immediately -- all, that is, but one little boy who sits idle, looking out the window. When the teacher stroll around the room he sees only one short sentence on his sheet. "What is this?" the teacher asks. "Is this your essay? Everyone else has written two pages or more, and you have done nothing." "Well," the little fellow replies brightly, "read it. That's exactly what I would do if I had 5 million dollars." The teacher bent down and read: "Hire someone to do the work for me, especially the writing." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Lusardi, 43, Fayetteville, North Carolina
NC man, who clogged casino pipes with counterfeit chips worth $2.7 Million A North Carolina man has admitted bringing millions of dollars in counterfeit poker chips to use in an Atlantic City casino's poker tournament. The scheme was uncovered after the man clogged a pipe by flushing the chips down the toilet in his hotel room. Prosecutors say 43-year-old Christian Lusardi of Fayetteville, North Carolina, pleaded guilty Thursday to trademark counterfeiting and criminal mischief. Officials believe he tried to flush the chips because he feared the scheme would be exposed. Under terms of a plea agreement, Lusardi will be sentenced to five years in prison. He will be required to pay the Borgata Hotel Casino & Spa $463,540 for the revenue it lost when it canceled the 2014 tournament after discovering the fake chips. He'll also owe Harrah's Casino Hotel $9,455 for damaging the pipes.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: Does Open Office steal the focus? Dear Webby, While we're on the subject, with one Chrome (6 tabs) and 2 Open Office calc windows open, whyyyyy does Open office for no reason (having hit no keys that I can duplicate) suddenly declare it is boss of my computer and pull itself to the front, taking over Facebook. Are they enemies? With much thanks... Dear Donna That is normal with Windows. If you have Open Office set to auto-save every five minutes, after doing that it indicates that the document is saved. That brings it to the front. The same thing happens with email programs, that check the mail every so often. Eudora has been doing that for 25 years now. Yes, I know it is a hassle, especially if you are busy typing away in Skype and suddenly realize, that you are not. Eudora, and probably most other email programs, will do that too, not just Open Office. There is nothing you can do about that. Shutting off Auto-Save is NOT a good solution. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two intrepid explorers meet in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. Says one, "I'm here to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?" The second explorer sighs deeply. "I came because my daughter has begun violin lessons." ______________________________________________________ A psychiatrist has been treating a woman's husband, and one day he tells her, "I have good news. Your husband is cured. He will no longer go around thinking he's Napoleon. His original personality has returned, and he is now himself again." "What?" she says angrily. "Before, my husband was someone important. Now I'm going to be the wife of a nobody!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oil to Keep Ants Out of Hummingbird Feeder After several years of trying everything possible, I've found that liberally applying vegetable oil all over the shepard's crook and the feeder hanger itself keeps ants away. Nothing toxic, messy, or unsightly, and the ants don't like it! Re-apply once during the season. By imackeil [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!" ___________________________________________________

a boy's smile This is so charming, I love this little boy
____________________________________________________ Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, raised his hand. The teacher called on for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, answered, "A lawyer!" ____________________________________________________
Trying to ride a backwards brain bicycle looks like it would be easy but it's not!

Today in 
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, 
 Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed 
 on board the USS Constitution. 
1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed 
 after 632 years of rebuilding. 
1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver 
 B. Shallenberger. 
1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within 
 the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to 
 look for gold. 
1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, 
 lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer 
 Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 
1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during WWI. 
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a 
 glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed 
 in the incident. 
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social 
 Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance 
 and pension plans for the elderly. 
1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic 
 Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 
1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct 
 the Pentagon (approximately $83 million).
1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain 
 domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 
1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had 
 surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 
1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 
1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 
1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers 
 got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 
1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene 
 in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 
1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the 
 official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 
1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General 
 Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called 
 off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was 
 Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 
1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement 
 agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by 
 Mexican police. 
1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to 
 Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop 
 mass deaths due to starvation. 
1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the 
 history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military 
 college. She quit the school less than a week later.
1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled 
 that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to 
 regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make 
 it harder for minors to buy cigarettes. 
2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and 
 restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash 
 that killed 110 people in 1996. 
2015  smiled.


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Outloock blocks Humor Letter 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 13

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Iowa Dopey, who was caught because he used too much cologne. Details at Boneheads Today in 1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel car. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. --- Mark Twain The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising on the web) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, a bluehaired lady punched him square in the jaw, and knocked him around a bit, before he was thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!" ______________________________________________________ After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Chuck E for this picture: Hi Webby, Here's a picture I took of a ship carrying the bases for giant windmills. It was going through the 1000 Islands on the St Lawrence River. I got this shot from the balcony of Boldt Castle on Heart Island. Chuck Eames ______________________________________________________ An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few years later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. He stopped to talk to him: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said 'you've got a heart murmur.Be careful'." "Too late now!" he replied. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Nicholas Zanella, 18, Iowa City, Iowa
Iowa Dopey, who was caught because he used too much cologne. Officer Travis Tyrrell may have the most discerning nose in law enforcement. The Iowa cop last night pulled over a vehicle for “improper rear lamps” as it traveled on an Iowa City street, according to a criminal complaint. When Tyrrell approached the auto, he detected the strong odor of cologne emanating from the car. But not just any cologne. Tyrrell specifically identified the fragrance in question as Curve cologne, a Liz Claiborne product, just like his ......... used. Tyrrell noted that driver Nicholas Zanella, 18, appeared nervous and his hands and legs were shaking. While Zanella denied possessing anything illegal, Tyrrell called for a K9 unit to “conduct a sniff of the vehicle,” apparently suspicious that the Curve cloud was intended to mask another odor. After a police dog alerted to something inside the car, Zanella copped to possessing marijuana, a pipe, and a grinder (which were recovered during a subsequent search). Zanella, seen above, was charged with possession of a controlled substance and possession of drug paraphernalia, both misdemeanors. He was released today from custody at 9:15 AM. The criminal complaint offers no further insight into the olfactory acuity of Tyrrell, an officer with the University of Iowa Police. Curve, launched nearly 20 years ago, is a relatively inexpensive and popular fragrance.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ralph Re: Outluck blocks Humor Letter Dear Webby, Well, this interesting. I suddenly quit getting your letter addressed to my OUTLOOK account so I applied to have one sent to my GOOGLE account as well. The latter is forwarded to my OUTLOOK account which I receive okay - hmmm? I know there is nothing you can do but I have to wonder what is going on. What has Microsoft done now? Ralph Dear Ralph Looks like Outluck is trashing it. In Gmail you probably built a filter telling it to never trash stuff coming from humor@webby.com, and in Outluck you probably have a filter to not mess with forwards from Gmail. A similar filter in Outluck concerning the Humor Letter should protect it there as well. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?" ______________________________________________________ While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Salt to Curb Bitterness in Beverages You can add a pinch of salt to your coffee grounds pre-brew to curb the bitterness in your coffee. You can slow sprinkle the tiniest amount of salt in your tonic water to to kill that harsh bitterness of quinine. Try it anything you find slightly overpowering in the bitterness department. You'll be pleasantly surprised! By attosa [111] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young couple lived in a town filled with crime. After three neighbors had been robbed, the couple decided to get a guard dog. Visiting the pet store, the young wife asked for a good guard dog. "Sorry, we're all sold out," the clerk replied. "All we have left is this little Scottie dog. But he does know karate!" The woman didn't believe the clerk, so he told the dog to karate a chair. The dog broke the chair into pieces. Then he told the dog to karate a table, and the dog quickly broke the table in half. So the woman bought the dog and took it home. Her husband was disappointed and skeptical about the Scottie dog's abilities as a guard dog. The wife told him about the dog's excellent karate skills. "Karate, my butt!" the husband yelled. Apparently, to this very day, he is still in the hospital. ____________________________________________________
____________________________________________________ Each Friday night I drove my wife to the station for the train to Weimar, CA, so she could visit HER sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train from Sacramento to manage our household over the weekend. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin' to get caught!" ____________________________________________________
The Cup Song Irish Version – Amhrán na gCupán (Gaelic )

Today in 
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish conqueror 
 Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 
1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the 
 Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and 
 Austrian forces. 
1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal family 
 and imprisoned them. 
1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time in Los 
 Angeles, CA. 
1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii ratified. 
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to 
 William Gray. 
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to 
 St. Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-chancellor 
 of Germany. He said he was going to hold out "for all or nothing." 
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in newspapers. 
1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-bodied 
 car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel car. 
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million Verrazano 
 Narrows Bridge. 
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-way 
 telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the 
 flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall began. 
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and other 
 goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the risk 
 of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.
2015  smiled.


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Open office in other languages 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 12

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a SC woman, who was arrested for bringing weed stuffed bible to jail Details at Boneheads Today in 1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery by Joseph Lister. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. --- Nancy Astor (1879 - 1964) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ You're getting old when... The mail lady gets you so excited that your pacemaker opens the garage door across the street. ______________________________________________________ Jill walked up to an airport ticket counter and asked to buy a round trip ticket. "Where to?" Asked the smiling ticket agent. Jill rolled her eyes and said, "Duuuuuh, back here!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Creston, California ______________________________________________________ After receiving his medication from the pharmacist, the customer asked, "Are these time release pills?" The pharmacist replied, "Yes. They begin to work just as soon as your check clears!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Monika Marie Ryans, 24, Union County, Soth Carolina
SC woman arrested for bringing weed stuffed bible to jail In pot she trusts. A South Carolina woman allegedly tried smuggling marijuana and tobacco into jail by hiding them inside a Bible, WSPA reports. Monika Marie Ryans, 24, allegedly tried passing the contraband to an inmate during a visit to the Union County Detention Center on Friday. She dropped off the good book for the unnamed inmate, but a supervisor said it didn't "look or feel right," according to a report obtained by WSPA. Jail workers X-rayed and then searched the holy handbook. They found three joints and loose tobacco in the binding, Fox Carolina reports. There was also a piece of paper inside with Ryans' name on it. Police arrested her when she returned to the detention center on Sunday. They said she was hiding in a car in the parking lot. They charged her with furnishing prisoners with drugs, the New York Daily News reports.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maria Re: Open Office in other languages Dear Webby, I see Open Office mentioned here and some other places quite often. Where can I get it? I never see any ads for it. Is that some secret cult thing? Another question, is it available in other languages, or just in English? Thanks Maria Dear Maria You probably COULD call the Open Office fans a cult, but it is by no means secret. You can get Open Office at http://www.openoffice.org/download/other.html You can get language packs from Asturian to Vietnamese, take your pick. They have it even in languages that you probably have never heard about. Just scroll down at that page. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor." ______________________________________________________ A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Taliban jokes we knew. After a while I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey you! I'm Afghan and I don't like you telling all those Afghani jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against Talibans." "My mother is in Afghanistan!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. For a moment there I was quite concerned. I wasn't sure what he would have done if he had found a place to plug it in! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Seasonal Clothes In Vacuum Bags Save space and view clothes easily by using vacuum bags that come in multiple sizes. Take clean folded clothes and place in vacuum bags then just suck out the air with a vacuum cleaner. It's fun to see the big pile of clothes just shrink to 1/4 its size. By Gloria Z [8] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The State Department issued a travel warning Friday for Afghanistan, telling Americans that the war on terrorism, lawlessness and food shortages have made travel perilous. " --------- I wonder who told the State Department ? ____________________________________________________

matrix ping pong
____________________________________________________ Scrawled across the dorm wall were the words, "Question Everything!" A couple of days later someone added one word, "Why?" ____________________________________________________
I want one of these in my back yard!

Today in 
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of 
 Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and 
 the Europeans lasted for two years. 
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed 
 sewing machine. 
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery 
 by Joseph Lister. 
1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach 
 him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War 
 Edwin M. Stanton. 
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first 
 sound recording. 
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of 
 the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and 
 the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 
1915 "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was 
 first published. 
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy 
 Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over 
 the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August 15th. 
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb. 
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. 
 from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications 
 satellite. 
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. 
 Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, 
 both landed on August 15. 
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo flight test. 
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 
1985 A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain killing 
 520 people. 
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new 
 rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an 
 effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have been 
 responsible for the Challenger disaster. 
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North 
 American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14 months 
 of negotiations. 
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air 
 traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike 
 in 1981. 
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution to 
 World War II Holocaust victims. 
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her feet 
 on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target that 
 was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 
2015  smiled.


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How to make Windows remember the size and position of a program 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 11

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to Meth lab operators from Iowa Taco Bell arrested Details at Boneheads Today in 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five minutes." More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Public speaking is the art of diluting a two-minute idea with a two-hour vocabulary. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Miss Figpot was giving a lesson to her first grade class. "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?" She asked jumped up and announced to the class, "VERY big hands...!" ______________________________________________________ "So you claim this man just walked up and hit you with malice forethought?" asked the lawyer. "Look, smart alec, I know all about you lawyers and your tricks. You can't mix me up that easy," replied the elderly man. "I said he hit me with his fist, and I'm sticking to it." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Wendy for this picture: This is a Sunset @ Golden Lake, Ontario. You can use this pic in your newsletter if you wish. Cheers, Wendy ______________________________________________________ "How's your mother," a friend asked Linda. "Not good," she answered. "She's got chronic frontal sinusitis." "My goodness," the friend said. "Where did she get that?" "Reader's Digest. Last month's issue." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christopher Adam Matous 31 Kent Jerome Duby, 56 Cedar Rapids, Iowa
Meth lab operators from Iowa Taco Bell arrested Authorities say two men have been arrested after the remnants of a methamphetamine lab were found inside a Taco Bell in eastern Iowa. The Cedar Rapids Police Department says officers found two men outside the restaurant early Tuesday. One identified himself as a Taco Bell employee. Officers entered the closed restaurant and found meth lab remnants in a utility area. The men were identified as 31-year-old Christopher Adam Matous and 56-year-old Kent Jerome Duby. They were arrested and charged with conspiracy to manufacture methamphetamine. Matous faces additional charges including meth possession. Taco Bell says in a statement that one of the men was an employee who's now fired. They say the restaurant will be sanitized before it reopens.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Donna Re: How to make Windows remember position and size? Dear Webby, Using Open Office Calc for tons of things as an administrator @ a Facebook group. @ Windows there is (or used to be a way to say "remember size and position" of a window. I need two spreadsheets open BEHIND FB and one of them just peeking out from beside the edge. Is there any such command within Open Office Calc? I've been sitting here like 10 hours or so, so my brain might be mush, but I can't find it. Donna Dear Donna That is a Windows issue, not Open Office. Open Office is just a client, or victim. The official answer is: To force Windows to record the size of a window and set it as the default size for that program each time it's opened, simply re-size the window to your preferred size, then depress and hold the CTRL key while you click the red X to close it. The program should use that size as the default size until changed. Try that. Hopefully Windows does not get too confused with two separate Calc windows. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A man buys a new suit, then tells the salesman that he would like a tie to go with it. The salesmen shows him a selection, and the man picks out one that he likes. "How much is this one?" he asks the salesman. "Sixty-five dollars." "What?" he says. "I can buy a pair of shoes with that kind of money." "Maybe," says the salesman, "but while shoes around the neck look OK with beach war, they woud clash with that fancy suit." ______________________________________________________ How do you cross a river full of crocodiles? Don't know? Okay, how about... Q)How do you put an elephant in a refrigerator? A)Open the door, put in the elephant, shut the door. Q)How do you put a giraffe in the refrigerator? A)Open the door, take out the elephant, replace with giraffe, shut the door. The king of the jungle was having a meeting and all of the animals in the jungle had to attend. Everyone was there except who? Why weren't they there? The giraffe, he's still in the refrigerator. Now. How do you cross that river? You swim. All of the crocodiles are at the jungle-king's meeting. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Seed From Grocery Store Produce We usually don't think of hot house tomatoes as being as good as those grown in an open garden, and in the past, that was true. It's different, now. I bought a very good tomato from a local grocer. It was a hot house tomato grown in Canada. It was so good, I saved some seed for future planting. The fruits of those seed were delicious and near perfect in appearance. Getting this type results usually works for one year only. Second generation fruits won't be as good, so you would need to save seed from the best 'store bought' tomato, each year. All the bell peppers I grow are from seed collected from peppers I purchase at a grocer. This year, I am growing green, yellow, and orange peppers. I plant three plants per five gallon bucket. My plants are loaded with small peppers. This will be my most productive year. Last year, I grew some delicious cantaloupes. They too, were from seed collected from store bought fruit. If your garden will accommodate a small 'trial patch', then by all means, save the seed from purchased produce you find exceptionally good. You could be deliciously rewarded. By likekinds [97] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance." ____________________________________________________

bible book recitation surprise
____________________________________________________ Bob went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Bob. Six months later the doctor met Bob on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? Three times a week for two years ? I may be crazy but I am not stupid. A bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! And just how, if I may ask?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!" ____________________________________________________
Back To The Fifties Cars

Today in 
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to 
 Harry S. Parmelee. 
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric 
 light bulb socket with a pull-chain. 
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of 
 Cape Hatteras, NC. 
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time. 
1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President 
 Franklin Roosevelt and British PM Winston Churchill. 
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced 
 "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when 
 Germany wins the war." 
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh. 
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go 
 into space. 
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test. 
1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and 
 South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council
 had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the microphone, 
 the President said of the Soviet Union, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation 
 that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in five 
 minutes." 
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 
1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey 
 by landing safely. 
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was 
 the largest shopping mall in the United States. 
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 
 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the 
 line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items 
 in spending and tax bills. 
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with 
 the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest 
 foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile 
 after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong 
 peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2015  smiled.


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Which anti-virus is best? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 9

Thank you, Donna!

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Stoned Driver, who took a "selfie" with arresting officer Details at Boneheads Today in 1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. --- Voltaire ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Once, a long time ago, I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 5-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "They are for my girlfriend". She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! You really must have squewed up!" Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom who was now trying to crawl between the seats! ______________________________________________________ Former Philadelphia mayor Frank Rizzo on his view of the cause of crime: "The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make them unsafe." ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Janina for this picture: Passion flower from my garden. Janina ______________________________________________________ A minister, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a similar position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." The choir all stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gilbert Phelps 20, Iowa City, Iowa
Stoned Driver Took "Selfie" With Arresting Officer After being taken into custody for driving while under the influence of marijuana, a 20-year-old Iowa man asked his arresting officer to pose with him for a Snapchat “selfie,” a request that the cop “happily obliged,” according to a criminal complaint. Gilbert Phelps was behind the wheel of a 2000 Toyota Camry around 2 AM yesterday when the vehicle was pulled over for speeding and having an obstructed registration sticker. During his questioning of Phelps, Iowa City Police Department Officer Ben Hektoen detected the odor of “ingested alcohol” inside the car. Hektoen reported that Phelps copped to “smoking marijuana prior to driving,” adding that the suspect displayed “measurable impairment” during a series of field sobriety tests. After a Breathalyzer test registered a .0 blood alcohol content, Phelps was examined by a “certified Drug Recognition Expert” who concluded that Phelps was “under the influence of cannabis and was unsafe to operate a motor vehicle.” While Phelps was being tested, Hektoen noted, “the defendant requested to take a SnapChat selfie with me to which I happily obliged.” Phelps posed later for a second photo (seen at above) that was snapped by a jail employee. Phelps was charged with operating while under the influence, a misdemeanor. Free on bond, he is scheduled for an August 17 preliminary hearing in District Court. His DUI record will stop him at the border of Mexico, Canada, and most European countries. A couple of years after the US blocked entry to people with a DUI record, or other criminal record, a lot of countries followed the US example.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Meg Re: Which anti-virus is best? Dear Webby, There are so many anti-virus programs out there, each claiming to be the best, but even I know that most of their claims are a bunch of hooey. Which one is really the best? Meg Dear Meg Mcafee has been bought by Intel. Big company, that makes the processor in your computer and a lot of the chips. They have more than enough money to buy all anti virus companies with their small change. They bought McAfee. Does that tell you anything? I negotiated a deal to get you McAfee for 50% off, which makes it quite affordable. It all depends on how much your data and customization is worth. If it is no big deal if you lose it, then get AVG. However, if you would be very upset if you lost it all, then get McAfee. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ Jill chewed out her husband at the company Thanksgiving picnic. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I tell them I'm just filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com George Forman Grill to Make Bear Paws I have little counter space so everything on it has to be a useful appliance! I regularly make grilled cheese or grilled vegetables on an open George Forman grill or zucchini fritters on it. This weekend, I decided to try to make waffles! I just used my Bisquick for the batter and poured a small circle onto the upper portion of the heated grill and let it run down the grill a bit. Don't add too much! I did close it and turned the waffles after the top was slightly browned in some areas. They turned out looking like Bear Paws to me so that's what I now call them! You could name them Pet Paws or Monster Claws around Halloween, which is coming up! By Donna [260] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ "Growing up, my Mom always claimed to feel bad when a bird would slam head-first into our living room window. If she REALLY felt bad, though, she'd have moved the bird feeder outside." --- Rich Johnson ____________________________________________________

Diesel carries a box
____________________________________________________ Two confirmed bachelors sat talking. Their conversation drifted from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook once," said the first, "but I could never do anything with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asked the second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the same way - 'Take a clean dish and....'" ____________________________________________________
I thought everyone needed to know these useless facts.

Today in 
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
 the French Revolution. He was executed the following 
 January after being put on trial for treason. 
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S. 
 Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by 
 $500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed. 
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown. 
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical 
 Exhibition. 
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially, 
 was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 
1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual 
 faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance 
 on Guam. 
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan 
 announced they would surrender. The only condition was 
 that the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. 
 He set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours 
 and 5 minutes. 
1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original 
 title was "Candid Microphone." 
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided 
 $20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned 
 by the U.S. government during World War II. 
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity 
 when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for 
 the time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by 
 Paula Corbin Jones. 
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme 
 Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she 
 had joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter 
 jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people 
 were killed. 
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri 
 Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles 
 above the earth in the international space station. It 
 was the first-ever marriage from space. 
2015  smiled.


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McAfee for different versions of Windows 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 9

Thank you, Donna!

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Georgia woman, who tried eating crack cocaine in front of cops Details at Boneheads Today in 1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A student comes back to the dorm and finds his roommate near tears. "What's the matter, pal?" he asked. "I wrote home for my parents to send money, so that I could buy a laptop. They sent me the laptop." he moaned. ______________________________________________________ In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum. ______________________________________________________ Thahnks tro Ralph for this picture: Rain Clouds at Sunset - Great Salt Plains State Park, OK Pick one your choice Ralph ______________________________________________________ During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- "Annnnnd They're Offf, racing for the parking lot!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Blank, 48, Douglas, Georgia
Woman tried eating crack cocaine in front of cops It sounds hard to swallow but police said a woman in Douglas, Georgia, was eating crack cocaine while officers arrested her. Deputies in Coffee County stopped Linda Blank, 48, on Friday who was on foot. It's unclear why they accosted her, but after a brief investigation, they discovered she was wanted on a probation violation warrant and a bench warrant for shoplifting, according to WFXL.com. As officers proceeded to arrest Blank, they claim she attempted to chew up a small amount of crack, according to WALB TV. Officers stopped Blank from ingesting the drugs and charged her with possession, according to 11Alive.com. Blank was taken to the Coffee County Jail where she posed for a memorable mug shot. She remains in custody, according to jail officials.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: McAfee for different versions of Windows Dear Webby, hope your eye injections are helping mine did some I am now at 20-40. Well the question is I just bought McAfee and it is good for my XP desktop but will it work when I upgrade my laptop from win7 to win10? Thanks. I hope I didnot waste my money for only one machine. Ron Dear Ron McAfee does not care which version of Windows you use. One of their versions even protects your phone. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!" ______________________________________________________ A man was stopped by a game warden in Northern Minnesota recently with two buckets of fish leaving a lake well known for its fishing. The game warden asked the man, "Do you have a license to catch those fish?" The man replied to the game warden, "No, sir. These are my pet fish." "Pet fish?!" the warden replied. "Yes, sir. Every night I take these fish down to the lake and let them swim around for a while. I whistle and they jump back into their buckets, and I take em home." "That's a bunch of hooey! Fish can't do that!" The man looked at the game warden for a moment, and then said, "Here, I'll show you. It really works." "O.K. I've GOT to see this!" the game warden replied. The man poured the fish in to the water and stood and waited. After several minutes, the game warden turned to the man and said, "Well?" "Well, what?" the man asked. "When are you going to call them back?" the game warden prompted. "Call who back?" the man asked. "The FISH." "What fish?" the man asked. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Can Lid Cutting Board I am a compulsive recycler and not all of my recyclables go into the pickup bin. I emptied a large container of coffee this morning and discovered that the plastic cover makes a perfect cutting board for a small item. I wanted a peach and it was too much trouble to get out a real cutting board so I washed the lid and used it. When I get to the point of cutting too many things on it I'll toss it in the bin. By Marty Dick [161] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man started to snore in his seat at the opera. "Please stop snoring," the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "I paid for this seat and I'll do whatever I want." "Yes Sir," said the usher. "But you are keeping everybody awake." ____________________________________________________

the husband hack
____________________________________________________ A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust anybody in this store!" ____________________________________________________
18th Century Puzzle Jug, interesting to watch how it's made.

Today in 
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-year 
 voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag 
 around the world. 
1831 The first US steam locomotive began its first trip between 
 Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph. 
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric 
 washing machine. 
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" 
 created by Max Fleischer. 
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin 
 Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals 
 in one Olympics. 
1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not 
 released until 1944. 
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council 
 created "Smokey the Bear." 
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The 
 bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. 
 About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in 
 Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of 
 Nagasaki, Japan. 
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the 
 Malaysian Federation. 
1974 U.S. President Richard Nixon formally resigned. 
 Gerald R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th 
 president of the U.S. 
1975 The New Orleans Superdome as officially opened when 
 the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition 
 football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 
1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found 
 guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade 
 was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles 
 Kings. 
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister 
 Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth 
 time in 17 months. 
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would 
 support federal funding for limited medical research on 
 embryonic stem cells. 
2004 Trump Hotel and Casino Resorts announced plans to file 
 for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.
2015  smiled.


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Moving Rainlendar to a new computer 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 8

Thank you, Norm !!!


http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Tennessee pervert arrested for masturbatiing in Burger King Details at Boneheads Today in 1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?" ______________________________________________________ Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from Metro. ______________________________________________________ History During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time -- usually on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Randy Wyres, 51, 320 North Ave., Church Hill, pop 6,737 Tennessee
Tennessee pervert arrested for masturbatiing in Burger King A man's graphic and disturbing display in a Kingsport restaurant has spurred his arrest, according to police, as he openly masturbated in the dining area while staring at two teenagers — then when busted, "turned his attention" to a juvenile employee. William Randy Wyres, 51, eventually attempted to flee the scene after getting yelled at, but was soon apprehended behind a nearby convenience store. Police say he was shirtless and in shorts, but sans underwear. The latter was discovered after he was handcuffed and en route to a cruiser, when his cut-off jeans slipped down from his waist, revealing nothing beneath them. Records in Hawkins County General Session Court state the incident was reported at 4:36 Wednesday afternoon. Kingsport police responded to Burger King, 4225 West Stone Drive, following calls of indecent exposure. Questioning and statements would later reveal that a pair of 17-year-old females were in the dining area. Wyres allegedly walked to a trash can to throw away food wrappers, then sat down in a booth near the girls. Adult diners told police that at first, they though Wyres was having a medical emergency: "his head was going back and forth." But they soon noticed, according to an affidavit, that Wyres actually had his penis out and was masturbating. The two juvenile victims added that as Wyres was in the act, he stared at them. One witness immediately alerted an employee, with that juvenile female going to get her manager. When the girl walked back into the dinning area, Wyres is alleged to have "turned his attention to her," continuing to fondle himself. As a Kingsport officer was responding, 911 callers relayed that Wyres had left Burger King and ran behind an adjacent restaurant. Police soon spotted Wyres walking in a nearby field, where he had removed his shirt and was carrying it. He was immediately handcuffed and escorted to a cruiser, with officers then interviewing multiple witnesses and victims. Wyres, address listed as 320 North Ave., Church Hill, was arrested and charged with three counts of indecent exposure. He's also facing three counts of public indecency, due to the alleged graphic sex act performed in public.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Transferring rainlendar to new computer Dear Webby, Thanks. I was able to get that to work. You are so nice to be helpful. Can you give me an idea where to look on my other computer for the data on the calendar so I can transfer it to the new one? Marlene Dear Marlene That is actually really easy. The step by step instructions are at http://wiki.rainlendar.info/index.php?t ... nd_Restore Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette. "And just who has it gotten me?" ______________________________________________________ Jim's beautiful wife was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing the checking account. "The bank returned the check you wrote to the department store," he said. "Good," she replied. "Now I can use it to buy something else." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Trash Bags in Your Car Use an empty paper towel roll. You can use it plain, paint it, or decorate it. It is a great craft projects for the kids. Stuff it full (will hold about 5) with plastic bags. It will fit inside console or pocket on you vehicle. Great for putting trash in, especially when you have children. By cheryl kelly [2] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Another bit of history: President Bush (when he hwas president) was very curious about how the Jewish people knew everything before he did. So he called the CIA and FBI and asked them to figure it out. A week later they came back and said, "Mr. President, the Jews have something called Shabbat, and they meet each other at the synagogue, and there is a code. They sit, they pray, and there is a word that is the key to this secret: 'Nu?'. When one says to another, 'Nu?', the other tells him everything . . . every bit of news." This Bush wanted to see for himself. The secret service dressed him like a Hassid, and taught him to read from the right to the left of the Siddur (prayer book ). Bush arrived at a synagogue on Shabbat, and sat beside another religious man. He waited for a moment, and said, "Nu?" The man answered, "Shh, Bush is coming!" ____________________________________________________

the wife hack
____________________________________________________ Father: "Son, I'm very worried about you being at the bottom of your class." Son: "Don't fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends." ____________________________________________________
How do they do this without a traffic light? How many pedestrians are hit each day? I’m glad I don’t live there.

Today in 
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from Aquitaine. 
1588 The Spanish Armada was defeated by the English fleet 
 ending an invasion attempt. 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the South 
 Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile. 
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham 
 Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 
1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The 
 mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils 
 for printing." 
1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 
1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air 
 raids on Great Britain. 
1945 During World War II, the Soviet Union declared 
 war on Japan to get in on the spoils. 
1950 Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi, TX. 
1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security pact. 
1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and 
 weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the world. 
1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an 
 artificial heart pump in a patient. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign the 
 following day. 
1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried 
 scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 
1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and 
 Iran had begun. 
1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral. 
 The trip was said to be a secret five-day military mission. 
1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 
1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by 
 his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more 
 than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud 
 in retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more 
 hostages were released. 
1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South 
 Korea for membership. 
1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 
1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a 
 cooperation agreement. 
1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands, 
 and several senior army officers defected. 
2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom 
 after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on 
 the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first 
 submarine in history to sink a warship.
2015  smiled.


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msvcr71.dll missing in W8 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thank you, Sig !!


http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a California man, who claimed to be Tarzan, tried swinging into monkey exhibit at zoo Details at Boneheads Today in 1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it. --- Mitch Hedberg (1968 - 2005) Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Twohundred twenty pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-ten, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet." ______________________________________________________ A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde S. Bellingham Bay June2015 ______________________________________________________ A college student who has left his dorm and moved into an apartment goes to a grocery store to shop for cleaning equipment. As he makes his way through the aisles of the store, he loads his cart with a broom, mop, dustpan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute, he tops it all off with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. When he gets to the checkout counter, he sees the checkout clerk eying it all with a puzzled look. Says the young man, "I'm a very messy eater." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Walter, The Stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John William Rodenborn, 37, Santa Ana, California
Shirtless Man Claims to Be Tarzan, Tries Swinging Into Monkey Exhibit at Zoo A man was arrested after police say he swung from trees and tried to enter a monkey exhibit at the Santa Ana Zoo, all while claiming to be "Tarzan." Kent Yamaguchi, the zoo's director, was the one who made the bizarre 911 call on Tuesday. "We have a gentleman who appears to be under the influence of something and is climbing in our trees and jumping into animal exhibits," Yamaguchi is heard in the 911 call recording. "Oh, Okay, wow," the dispatcher responded. Yamaguchi said the man, later identified by police as 37-year-old John William Rodenborn, was shirtless and climbing trees near the zoo's aviary. "He climbed up into the tree and then proclaimed himself that he was 'Tarzan,' and that he was here just to have a good time," Yamaguchi said. After Rodenborn ignored Yamaguchi's request to get down, Rodenborn did a lap and then found a new perch atop the waterfall in the black howler monkey exhibit. "He was covered with mud. He was in the trees saying, 'I am Tarzan,' and we knew at that point, something was probably wrong," Yamaguchi said. Yamaguchi said the monkeys never saw the man. He doesn't believe they were in any danger. He called 911 and his staff kept visitors out of the area as a precaution. "For clearing people out, we did the same thing for an agitated person as we would for an escaped agitated monkey," Yamaguchi said. After a short chase, officers arrested Rodenborn. "He was found to be in possession of crystal methamphetamine and under the influence of crystal methamphetamine. He was booked here at the Santa Ana Jail," said Cpl. Anthony Bertagna with Santa Ana police. Rodenborn faces misdemeanor counts for possessing and being under the influence of methamphetamine and trespassing.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: msvcr71.dll missing in W8 Dear Webby, Here I am again with another question :( I have used rainlender as my calendar for several years. I tried to install on the windows 8.1 machine but it says :msvcr71.dll missing. What can I do? I always use downloads from your toolbox if able and have not had this problem on older pc's. Marlene Dear Marlene That is one of the typical W8 bugs, essential components missing. It's not really a big deal, but it was stuff like that, which caused all that hostility towards VISTA, and now again towards W8 You can get that file from Microsoft msvcr71.dll They were just a bit too sloppy and in too much of a hurry to get W8 out there before third party programmers wrote too many utilities to make W7 more usable. After you have downloaded and installed the runtime, you will have msvcr71.dll in your System32 folder. If the “msvcr71.dll is missing from your computer” errors still occurs, try restarting your PC. Some users report that after having installed Visual C++ 2003 runtimes, the msvcr71.dll file is still missing. In this case look for the file in C:\Windows\Microsoft.net\Framework\1.1.x and copy it to Windows 7 or 8 (8.1) System32 folder. That would probably fix the error. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I was the only one catching any fish!" ______________________________________________________ While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!!" The sheepish-looking stranger just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady.. It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle off of it!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soapy Water for Wasp Removal Wasps seem to hate warm soapy water. I attached a sprayer to my hose with simple dish soap in it. I applied some several times during the day and have successfully deterred a large nest that was visible and inside my covered porch structure. I have animals and plants and was reluctant to use a bunch of wasp spray. By Jill Kayser [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four." ____________________________________________________

won't eat alone
____________________________________________________ My parents have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But you better not call me Louise!" ____________________________________________________
Let's take a trip to South China and visit the mysterious Shilin Stone Forest.

Today in 
1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart. 
1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the 
 revolving door. 
1914 Germany invaded France. 
1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that 
 was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 
1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling 
 striking down the government's attempt to ban the controversial 
 James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 
1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of 
 the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during 
 World War II. 
1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a 
 six-man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed 
 into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 
1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a 
 picture of the Earth. 
1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of 
 communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all 
 religious TV and radio broadcasts. 
1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, 
 which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing 
 with reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 
1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung 
 between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 
1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1 
 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life 
 on Mars. 
1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and 
 warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible 
 invasion by Iraq. 
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he 
 would run for the office of governor. 
2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for $200,000
2015  smiled.


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W 10 is more serious threat according to Forbes 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 6

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Virginia bully who was arrested 45 times and again now for attack, robbery and kidnapping Details at Boneheads Today in 1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ I can believe anything, provided that it is quite incredible. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) Ask not what you can do for your country. Ask what's for lunch. --- Orson Welles ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said, as of the time they did the test, you have only 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you to tell you about that since March. ______________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde N. ______________________________________________________ A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

Reported by Karen An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brandon Eugene Frost, 29, 114 Skyview Drive, Rogersville, Virginia
Arrested 45 times and again now for attack, robbery and kidnapping A Rogersville man is charged with kidnapping, robbery, and probation violation after another man was attacked while returning to his home. The victim, 60, told the Hawkins County Sheriff's Department it happened late Thursday. He got out of his car when the attacker came up behind him, pushed him, and struck him in the head with an unknown object, causing him to fall to the ground. Then, the man tied his hands behind him, removed his wallet, cut his belt with a knife, and demanded the code for his ATM card. After that, the attacker blindfolded the victim and put him in the passenger side of his own truck. Then, he drove the victim to his ATM where he withdrew money, and to another location where he used cable ties to attach the victim’s head to the seat’s headrest. Luckily, after a few minutes, the victim didn't hear anything and freed himself. He drove a short distance, realized he was on Devil's Nose Road, and went to the Hawkins County Sheriff's Office. Deputies there saw a severe laceration on his head and bruising on his arm. Authorities watched security video from the bank and saw the suspect conceal his face with a cloth mask, but it fell down for a moment. They also watched video from the Food City in Church Hill where the suspect tried to use the victim’s card again. They said there were numerous other attempts to use the victim’s ATM card. The person in both videos was determined to be Brandon Eugene Frost of Rogersville. Officers went to his home and said they found the victim’s bank card in plain view on a dresser, and some of the clothing and items from the kidnapping and armed robbery in a dumpster. Since 2005 Frost has been arrested at least 45 times on more than 70 charges. His longest stretch in jail was 242 days for aggravated assault in 2011. Frost is being held without bond in Hawkins County Jail. He’d just been released from there on May 6 after serving 110 days for burglary. Authorities said he’d been booked there about 45-50 times on various charges.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: JET Re: W10 more serious Hey Webby, I sent you some info a few days ago on the dangers of Windows 10. I think you are underestimating the seriousness of it. Here is what is posted on Forbes. http://www.forbes.com/sites/gordonkelly ... 10-spying/ You have a lot of readers who take in what you say. I think this is worth noting. JET Dear JET Sure, it is true that Microsoft will search through all your stuff, and key-log what you do on Chat, but that does not mean that they have a herd of Taliban discussing what you do. They just have programs analyzing patterns so that they can get even better at spying on what you do after the sun goes down. Sure, they will patch you over to the NSA and CIA and FBI if they come across certain trigger words, but as long as you don't discuss your next vacation over ==> thataway, nobody will actually pay attention to what you do. You will simply add to a curve in some pretty graph. Keep in mind, though, just because you are paranoid, that does not mean they are not out to get you. I definitely don't agree with all that spying, but that is no reason to get a worry-ulcer or your knickers in a knot. Just do the same as I am doing. There is absolutely NO way they can keep up with my 18 - 20 hour days, no matter how often I mention that I love Nitro Glycerin. I just swamp them with data-overload. If you do something spectacularly stupid, then they will look up what they copied onto their cloud servers, but as long as you behave, you are just contributing to their graphs. However, don't expect that those graphs and stats are in any way realistic. Remember when W8 came out and was a spectacular flop, they claimed that so many Million people had "bought" it or were using it. Those numbers were total BS, and were excused that they included pre-installs in the computer factories China, of machines, that were not actually sold to victims yet. The same is happening now. Their claimed "usage" figures of W-10 are mostly pre-installs still sitting in China. Real and actual usage figures are a totally different story. Do YOU know of anybody aside from paid magazine employees, who have become a W-10 victim? Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A boy was smoking and blowing smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about crashes." ______________________________________________________ A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "Tomorrow my suspension is over and I can go play golf again!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apple Cider Vinegar for Heartburn Although some people might think apple cider vinegar as a remedy is nothing more than an old wives' tale, my father-in-law used to ingest it every day. He'd mix one tablespoon of cider vinegar and a tablespoon of honey into a cup of boiling water. He never had a digestive ailment in all his 80+ years. When heartburn started to bother me a few years ago, I tried his solution and it helped, but it surely did taste awful. Shortly thereafter, I found cider vinegar capsules at Walmart. I take one a day and have no heartburn problems whatsoever (until I forget a day and pay for it the next). In short, it's not a cure, but apple cider vinegar every day is cheaper than antacids and very probably better for us than prescription drugs. By Rose Anne Hutchence [5] Apple Cider vinegar is cheap, usually under $2 per gallon jug. You can make Italian salad dressing with apple cider vinegar, a bit of olive oil, and Italian seasoning herbs and spice mix. It tastes much better than the sugary Italian Salad Dressing from the store. Lettuce does not really have to be sugared. If you do need your lettuce sweetened like the Kraft salad dressing addicts prefer it, you can always add a bit of honey. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was a little old lady standing at a corner. She had both hands holding her hat on while the wind blew her dress up around her waist. A dignified southern gentleman came up and said, "Ma'am, you should be ashamed of yourself, letting your skirt blow around, being indecent, while both hands hold your hat." She said, "Look mister, everything down there is seventy years old. This hat is brand new!" ____________________________________________________

butterflies in a dream
____________________________________________________ A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass of wine. He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world. "Port, however, just makes me fart." ____________________________________________________
What imaginations!

Today in 
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia debate 
 began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 
1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor 
 Francis II abdicated. 
1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 
1879 The first Australian rules football game to be played 
 at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The 
 game was to promote the introduction of electricity to the 
 city of Melbourne. 
1914 After Russia sided with Serbia, Austria-Hungary declared 
 war against Russia. Serbia  declared war against Germany. 
1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in 
 New York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay, 
 dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The 
 bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of 
 Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property 
 in Cuba began. 
1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the 
 British Commonwealth. 
1965 The Voting Rights Act was signed by U.S. President 
 Lyndon B. Johnson. 
1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false 
 alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze 
 due to a grease fire. 
1981 Lee Trevino was disqualified from the PGA Championship 
 in Duluth, GA when he had his scorecard signed by Tom 
 Weiskopf instead of himself. 
1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing 
 brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to 
 Hiroshima. 
1989 Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of 
 Bolivia. 
1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade 
 embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for 
 invading Kuwait. 
1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in 
 rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of 
 the first atomic bombing. 
1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive 
 life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite 
 that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed 
 to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 
1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology 
 in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival. 
1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2 
 hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship 
 with U.S. President Clinton. 
2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale 
 Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft 
 launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on 
 November 26, 2011.
2015  smiled.


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Does Windows 10 spy on you? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 5

http://webby.com/mac.html With this one YOU get 50% off!
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac There is one that even protects your phones, not just computers and tablets!
Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to an Illegal immigrant in Florida, who chewed off his fingerprints to avoid being ID'd. Details at Boneheads Today in 1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was approximately 250. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We live in an age when pizza gets to your home before the police. --- Jeff Marder 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two Elderly Ladies were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!" ______________________________________________________ Once I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light, and I don't talk to dumb poles without a light!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde ______________________________________________________ A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenzo Roberts, 20, Lee County, Floriduh
Illegal immigrant in Florida chewed off his fingerprints to avoid being ID'd. Chew on this: A Florida man suspected of stealing a Mercedes Benz chewed off the tips of his fingers to avoid being fingerprinted. Kenzo Roberts, 20, was arrested Thursday after deputies for the Lee County Sheriff's Office, spotted a 2015 Mercedes that had been reported stolen. Investigators quickly discovered Roberts was using a fake ID, and was carrying a concealed firearm and three fraudulent credit cards, according to the department's Facebook page. Roberts was placed in the back of patrol car. While he was waiting, disturbing surveillance video shows that he didn't want to get fingered for the crime -- so he started chewing off his fingerprints. The tape shows Roberts gnawing at his fingertips, swallowing the flesh and rubbing his hands against a cage in the back, WPTV reports. It didn't work. When officers scanned Roberts' fingerprints, they discovered he had two felony warrants linked to an aggravated arrest with a deadly weapon charge in Broward County, according to the Palm Beach Post. Roberts was charged with three counts of possession of a counterfeit credit card; grand theft auto; possession of a concealed firearm; possession of similitude of a driver's license; driving with a suspended license; and giving false identification to law enforcement, according to the Orlando Sentinel. Officers said Roberts is in the country illegally and that the Border Patrol has been contacted. Roberts remains in custody at the Lee County Jail on $220,000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Tom Re: Is W10 really spying on what you got? Dear Webby, I just read a rather disturbing piece -- Microslop can and will access everything on your computer when you install Windows 10, including things inadvertently downloaded which may contain something illegal. Microslop will then report this to the proper authorities. Questions: 1. Is this true or just a spammer scaremongering? 2. Is there anyway around this privacy violation besides just not touching this in the first place? Thanks, tom Dear Tom Yes, they can and will access everything on your computer. Yes, they will hassle you if you have unpaid copies of Microsoft Office. No, they will not call the cops on you about your collection of busty ladies. They might report the guy down the street for his child porno collection, but they might not. Stuff like that can not be easily detected with simple formulas checking the registry. They will let the authorities have access if there is a suspected terrorist connection or info. No, there is no way around that, and if you click accept on their 27 pages of small print, then you agree to let them do all that and a lot more. Right now it is best to just ignore the hype about W10 and give them some time to fix the silly thing. There is nothing in it that YOU need. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Hammer - In ancient times a hammer was used to inflict pain on ones enemies. Modern hammers are used to inflict pain on oneself. ______________________________________________________ During the 1989 invasion of Panama, United States troops blared out AC/DC's "Highway to Hell" at the highest volume possible to drive Manuel Noriega out of the Vatican Embassy. When vocalist Brian Johnson heard his music was being used as psychological torture, he is quoted as saying, "I guess now we won't get to play for the Pope." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Honey Lime Salad Dressing Very easy to make and perfect for summer. Approximate Time: 10 minutes Yield: 1/2 cup Ingredients: 1/4 cup fresh lime juice (about 2 limes) 1/4 cup olive oil 2-3 Tbsp honey salt and pepper to taste Directions: Mix all the ingredients together. You can whisk them, or put them in a jar and shake it. By Judy Pariser S. [24] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they go and die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease." ____________________________________________________

Things cats do that would be creepy if you did them
____________________________________________________ In Philadelphia the following sign was in the window of a business: "We would rather do business with 1000 terrorists than with a single Jew". Ordinarily this might be cause to get the anti-Hate groups involved but perhaps in these stressful times one might be tempted to let the proprietors, Goldstein's Funeral Home, simply make their statement. ____________________________________________________
Amazing optical illusion paintings.

Today in 
1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population 
 was approximately 250. 
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax. 
 The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
 was rescinded in 1872. 
1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone 
 for the Statue of Liberty was laid. 
1914 Electric traffic lights were installed in Cleveland, Ohio.
1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw. 
 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 
1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese 
 boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 
1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the 
 original World Trade Center began. 
1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars. 
 Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 
1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached. 
 Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate 
 break-in to halt.
1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air 
 traffic controllers. 
1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly 
 created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works 
 of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the 
 Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 
1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic 
 congressional leaders to find out if the release of American 
 hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential 
 election. 
1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret 
 biological weapons. 
1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein stopped cooperating with 
 U.N. weapons inspectors. 
2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The 
 consulate was closed after local authorities removed large 
 concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building 
 to normal traffic. 
2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company was 
 the video software maker On2 Technologies. 
2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had captured 
 photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars during 
 warm seasons. 
2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on a 
 mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft 
 to go to Jupiter. 
2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United 
 States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 
2015  smiled.


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Fix "This could be spam" notice from Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 4

I managed to get a better contract for McAfee.
http://webby.com/mac.html

With this one YOU get 50% off!

That makes it quite affordable. 
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida's Babyface Floyd caught on felony raps, again Details at Boneheads Today in 1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected 13 million phones. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Society, my dear, is like salt water, good to swim in but hard to swallow. --- Arthur Stringer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ According to George, home is where you can say anything you like 'cause nobody listens to you anyway. ______________________________________________________ An optometrist was instructing a new employee on how to charge a customer. "As you are fitting his glasses, if he asks how much they cost, you say '$275.' If his eyes don't flutter, say, 'For the frames. The lenses will be $250.' If his eyes still don't flutter, you add 'Each.'" ----------- Btw., did you know that if farmers had the same mark-ups as optometrists, each egg would cost over $100 ? ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Noella ______________________________________________________ Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a really big farm. The second boy said his dad owned a really big factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boys scoffed. "No man can own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave it to him last night." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Babyface Floyd, 32, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Florida coppers collar Babyface Floyd on felony raps, again The 32-year-old Floridian--whose name recalls Depression-era hoodlums--was arrested yesterday for allegedly stealing a bracelet from a friend’s home (and then pawning the item for $200). According to cops, Floyd stole the jewelry last month while the female victim was at work. Charged with four felonies, he is being held in the Pinellas County lockup on $30,000 bond, according to jail records. Floyd, an unemployed St. Petersburg resident, is familiar with the facility due to prior arrests for domestic battery, cocaine possession, robbery, theft, battery, marijuana possession, witness tampering, false imprisonment, and carrying a concealed weapon. While an arrest affidavit lists Floyd’s given name as “Baby Face Floyd,” multiple jail records indicate that it is actually “Babyface Floyd,” an apparent amalgam of the gangster names Baby Face Nelson and Pretty Boy Floyd.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lavonne Re: "This could be spam" notice from Gmail Dear Webby, I am getting the notice from Google again that this could be spam or.../ any way if you click on 'I trust this' then you will see pics. If I click on the arrow as your pic shows I do not get to always show images. I think it is Google playing games with you again. Have a great day! Dear Lavonne Google is not playing games with ME. On my Gmail they behave exactly the way I have set it in the settings. Just make a filter to tell it that mail from humor@webby.com is OK. That should stop that thilly nonsense. Some sniveling dogooder at Gmail has decided that if a mail has pikshures and colored writing, den it might be spam. Your filter will exclude it from that nonsense. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced: "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!" ______________________________________________________ One day there was a woman who lost her cat named 'Love'. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for Love." In New York that is an indictable offense and she was arrested on the spot. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Camping Cooler Tips We have done a lot of camping and usually go for a week at a time. It was getting costly buying bags of ice all the time for the cooler. Then my husband came up with some solutions. First, we froze water in milk jugs for the beginning of the trip. They would last several days before having to buy ice. He also lined the top of the packed cooler with newspaper for insulation. When traveling in the car to the campground, he would cover the cooler with a heavy towel to protect it from the sun giving even more insulation. By using these methods, we found we could go longer without having to buy bags of ice. We froze as much food as possible before leaving. We also planned our meals so the food on the top was the first meals for the week. Source: My husband By HerkDia [29] Best is to hang the cooler in a thick, wet blanket from a tree or clothes line between trees. It takes about 580 calories of heat to evaporate 1 gram of water. (a cube of water the size of a standard sugar cube is about one gram of water) Some of those 580 calories to evaporate EACH GRAM of water in the wet blanket are supplied by the wind, but a good part of them are taken out of the cooler. You don't have to wrap the cooler. Just set it on the blanket, bring the corners up and knot them. It does not have to be airtight. Let any warm air rise out of it. Then pull it up with a rope. By the way, that is also recommended so that your food is not bear bait. If the weather is chilly and windy, don't make the blanket wet, otherwise everything in the cooler will freeze. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had not played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%!" ____________________________________________________
trashcan love
____________________________________________________ Trisha walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant." The gentleman groaned, and in obvious pain struggled to his feet and lurched across the room to lean on the the water fountain for support. As Trisha sat down, another lady in the waiting room looked her over and said, "You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?" Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!" ____________________________________________________
I love the fields of lavender in France.

Today in 
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal 
 of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly 
 Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal 
 governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not 
 libelous." 
1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 
1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval 
 task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 
1914 Britain declared war on Germany in World War I. 
 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality, for a while. 
1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, 
 was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting 
 down all of its switchboards and switching stations. The 
 shutdown affected 13 million phones. 
1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested 
 eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one 
 of the people arrested. Her diary would be published after 
 her death. 
1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 
1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle 
 over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 
1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the 
 English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 
1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand 
 Forks, ND. 
1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace, 
 the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years 
 in prison. 
1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a baseball 
 during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull. After the 
 game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing unnecessary 
 suffering to an animal." 
1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to 
 Burkina Faso. 
1986 The United States Football League called off its 1986 
 season. This was after winning only token damages in its 
 antitrust lawsuit against the National Football League. 
1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal 
 Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that 
 radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a 
 balanced fashion. 
1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from 
 Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion 
 of the oil-rich Kuwait. 
1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South 
 Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 
 179 crewmembers survived. 
1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The 
 border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 
1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United 
 Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase 
 in full-time positions and defeated a proposed 
 reorganization of the company's pension plan. 
2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space 
 exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended 
 on Mars on May 25, 2008. 
2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American 
 journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for 
 illegal entry earlier in the year. 
2015  smiled.


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How to correct the "No Images" problem 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 3

I managed to get a better contract for McAfee.
With this one YOU get 50% off!
That makes it quite affordable. 
No more need to slum with half working freebies.
Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida carjacker tries to steal unmarked cop car Details at Boneheads Today in 1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day Britain declared war on Germany and turned the traditional European border shuffling into World War I. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Man is a clever animal who behaves like an imbecile. --- Albert Schweitzer (1875 - 1965) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ After church, tells his parents to go and talk to the minister right away. They agree and the pastor greets the family. "I heard you say today that our bodies came from the dust." "That's right, , I did." "And I heard you say that when we die, our bodies go back to dust." "Yes, I'm glad you were listening. Why do you ask?" "Well you better come over to our house right away and look under my bed 'cause there's someone either comin' or goin'!" ______________________________________________________ A grandmother overheard her 5-year-old granddaughter playing "wedding." The wedding vows went like this: "You have the right to remain silent, anything you say will be held against you, you have the right to have an attorney present. You may kiss the bride." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Janina ______________________________________________________ >From James They weren't in my pockets. Suddenly I realized I must have left them in the car. Frantically, I headed for the parking lot. My husband has scolded me many times for leaving my keys in the car's ignition. He's afraid that the car could be stolen. As I looked around the parking lot, I realized he was right. The parking lot was empty. I immediately called the police. I gave them my location, confessed that I had left my keys in the car, and that it had been stolen. Then I made the most difficult call of all to my husband: "I left my keys in the car and it's been stolen." There was a moment of silence. I thought the call had been disconnected, but then I heard his voice. "Are you kidding me?" he barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was my turn to be silent. Embarrassed, I said, "Well, come and get me." He retorted,"I will, as soon as I convince this cop that I didn't steal your damn car!" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dominique Albert, 27, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Carjacker Tries To Steal Unmarked Cop Car A knife-wielding Florida man who attempted a carjacking Thursday night quickly discovered that the vehicle he targeted was an undercover cop car occupied by a pair of armed plainclothes detectives, according to an arrest affidavit. Dominique Albert, 27, allegedly approached the car on a St. Petersburg street around 9:45 PM and yanked open the passenger door. Albert, pictured above, leaned into the car while holding a steak knife in his right hand. While Albert’s would-be victims were initially startled by the interloper, they quickly rallied. “Police!,” shouted Detective Daniel Torok from the driver’s seat as he drew his handgun and leveled it at Albert, who “turned and fled on foot.” Torok and his partner then chased after Albert, who dropped his knife during the pursuit. When the cops caught up with Albert, he “fought Police with violence, but was finally taken into custody after a lengthy fight.” Albert, who allegedly continued to struggle after being handcuffed, stopped resisting after a backup officer “deployed his Taser.” A search of Albert turned up two other “large, fixed blade knives,” police reported. Charged with carjacking, resisting arrest, and aggravated assault on a law enforcement officer, all felonies, Albert is locked up on $170,000 bond. At the time of the attempted carjacking, Albert was free on bond in connection with an arrest last month for shoplifting at a Walmart store.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: No pictures is on your end Dear Webby, Re: no pictures. I still think its on your end because Ophelia's site come in with all the pictures and prompts. Thanks. Frank Dear Frank I can't send pictures to 60,000 people, but not to you and Roland, who has the same problem. It does not work that way. Search for mail from humor@webby.com Click on a listing so that it shows to me Pull down the little arrow besides "me" In there you can set whether or not images are displayed from THAT particular sender. Change that for the Humor Letter, so that they are displayed. Then you will see the pictures even in old Humor Letters. The pictures ARE there, just not displayed. You can set that differently for each of your senders. Probably your computer fixer has a slow connection and turned off the images, and could not remember how to turn them back on. The joke is on him, though. Gmail gets the pictures anyway, just does not display them, when he has his blinders on. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ said, "Hey, mom, can you give me twenty dollars?" "Certainly not," mom said. said, "If you do, I'll tell you what dad said to the maid when you were at the beauty shop." Mother's ears perked up. She grabbed her purse, handed a twenty and said, "Well? What did he say?" "He said, 'Marie, please go into the garden for a bit. One look at your make-up should scare that neighbor's dog enough to shut him up long enough so that I can have a nap in peace and quiet'." ______________________________________________________ A Scotsman went to the zoo for the first time. At one cage, he stopped and asked the keeper, "Now, what animal would that be?" The zoo keeper said, "That's a moose from Canada." "A moose!" exclaimed the Scotsman, "Hoots mon! They must ha' rrrats like elleponts o'er there!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Old Blankets for Quilt Batting Old wool like blankets make great filler or batting for quilts, especially the scratchy ones. By Leona [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An old-timer is someone who remembers every detail of their life story, but cannot remember how many times they have told the same person. ____________________________________________________
giggling dolphin
____________________________________________________ A young boy comes running down the street looking for a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer, come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight." Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your father?" The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know, officer. That's what they're fighting about." ____________________________________________________
A cozy hut built of mud and sticks. This guy knows how to survive!

Today in 
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships. 
 The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. 
 He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was 
 officially flown during battle. 
1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 
1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World 
 War I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 
1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of $2.75. 
1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain 
 due to the Spanish Civil War. 
1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a private. 
 Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to apologize for 
 the incident. 
1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North Pole 
 underwater. The mission was known as "Operation Sunshine." 
1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 
1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air 
 Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were 
 fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 
1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise 
 Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or 
 stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 
1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken 
 into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's 
 Red Square. 
1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of 
 the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns 
 that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 
1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the 
 testing of nuclear weapons. 
1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet 
 under joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 
1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face 
 charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's 
 World Trade Center. 
2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public. 
 The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the 
 U.S. on September 11, 2001. 
2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year 
 journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March 
 2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface 
 of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 
2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to 
 declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves.
2015  smiled.


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No pictures in newsletters on Gmail 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 2

Thank you Noella!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida burglar found asleep surrounded by chicken and beer Details at Boneheads Today in 1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Realism...has no more to do with reality than anything else. --- Hob Broun ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," she answered. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt." ______________________________________________________ >From Lynn When my three-year-old son opened the birthday gift from his grandmother, he discovered a water pistol. He squealed with delight and headed for the nearest sink. I was not so pleased. I turned to Mom and said, "I'm surprised at you. Don't you remember how we used to drive you crazy with waterguns?" Mom smiled and then replied, "...Oh, I remember....!!!!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Noella Blue Moon In Bolivar ______________________________________________________ There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A few years later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jacob Miller, 22, Lake Worth Floriduh
Florida burglar found asleep surrounded by chicken and beer Chicken and beer make for a bad burglary. A Florida family tells police they came home to chicken bones and empty beer bottles scattered about their kitchen floor and a would-be robber passed out on their couch. The Palm Beach County Sheriff's Office reports that deputies found 22-year-old Jacob Miller still asleep when they responded Monday to the Lake Worth home in South Florida. After taking Miller into custody, deputies found numerous items of jewelry on the man that belonged to the family. The Palm Beach Post reports that Miller told deputies he went into the home because he needed a place to stay but refused to answer any other questions. Miller was charged with burglary and theft. Records also showed an open warrant for burglary in Texas.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: No pictures showing in newsletter Dear Webby, I haven't voted in a couple of days because I don't see any promps. I thought it was my pcI just got it back from the repair shop and it does the same thing. Can you help? I have windows 8 Thanks. Frank Dear Frank Looks like you have images in your Gmail turned off. You are missing not only the vote image, but also the Mugshot of the Bonehead Award and the picture of the day. Once you have images turned on again, they will suddenly become visible. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A new nurse listened while Dr. Bryce was yelling, "Typhoid! Tetanus! Measles!" The new nurse asked another nurse, "Why is he doing that?" The other nurse replied, "Oh, he just likes to act like it was him who calls the shots around here." ______________________________________________________ Just about the time when your income gets to the point where food prices don't matter, calories do. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dollar Store Placemats as Drawer Liners I use plastic place mats from the dollar store for this. They are usually durable, come in fun patterns, and they are easy to cut. They work best in drawers, but I've had success on smaller shelves with them. You could glue them down, but I usually cut them to fit snugly in place so they can be removed and washed. By Jensutherland [1] Dollar stores also have soft rubberized mesh drawer liners that keep stuff from slipping and sliding. A roll of those rubber liners is good for a large or two small drawers. They are a dollar per roll, and can be tossed into the wash or dishwasher or rinsed in the sink. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain. (I know some people like that.) Starfish have no brains. (I know some people like that too) ____________________________________________________
80 Miles Per Hour
____________________________________________________ A large office building was showing signs of its advanced age. Structural and cosmetic renovations had been going on for two years and no end was in sight. The chronic chaos moved unpredictably from floor to floor. The tenants were apparently feeling the stress. Posted in the elevator one morning was a hand- lettered sign left by the workmen which read, "Watch your step--floors 3, 4, and 5." By lunchtime, someone had added, ". . . have been removed." ____________________________________________________
A cozy hut built of mud and sticks. This guy knows how to survive!

Today in 
1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their 
 signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 
1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received 
 a joint patent for their nail-making machine.
1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were 
 installed along streets. 
1861 The United States Congress passed the first income tax. 
 The revenues were intended for the war effort against the 
 South. The tax was never enacted. 
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 
1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 
1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first 
 showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the 
 combining of picture and sound for movies. 
1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt 
 urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act 
 prohibited civil service employees from taking an active 
 part in political campaigns. 
1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after 
 being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under 
 the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. 
1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 
1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese 
 attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 
1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The film 
 was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 
1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq claimed 
 that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding production 
 quotas set by OPEC. 
1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers. 
 The two were said to have been caught spying on military sights. 
2015  smiled.


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Camera chip for computer files 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Chief Keef Impostor Busted By The Feds Details at Boneheads Today in 1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known. --- Thomas Pickering (1931 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A boy had reached four without giving up the habit of sucking his thumb, though his mother had tried everything from bribery to reasoning to painting it with lemon juice to discourage the habit. Finally she tried threats, warning her son that, "If you don't stop sucking your thumb, your stomach is going to blow up like a balloon." Later that day, walking in the park, mother and son saw a pregnant woman sitting on a bench. The four- year-old considered her gravely for a minute, then said to her, "Uh-oh ... I know what *you've* been doing." ______________________________________________________ A man is driving with his wife at his side and his mother-in-law in the back seat. The women just won't leave him alone. His mother-in-law says, "You're driving too fast!" His wife says, "Stay more to the right." And so on. After ten mixed orders, the man turns to his wife and asks, "Who's driving this car anyway? You or your mother?" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt. Shuksan, WA ______________________________________________________ A young man called his mother and announced excitedly that he had just met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do? His mother had an idea: "Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?" He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later, the woman came to dinner. His mother called the next day to see how things had gone. "I was totally humiliated," he moaned. "She insisted on washing the dishes." "What's wrong with that?" asked his mother. "We hadn't started eating yet." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Lenny Baldwin, 21, Miami Florida
Chief Keef Impostor Busted By The Feds A Miami man masquerading online as the rapper Chief Keef allegedly coerced and threatened a 14-year-old girl into sending him sexually explicit photos, according to federal investigators. Lenny Baldwin, 21, is charged in a three-count indictment with extortion, sexual exploitation of a child, and coercion and enticement of the victim, a Virginia teen who was randomly contacted by Baldwin via Kik, the messaging application. Baldwin has been locked up without bond since his arrest two months ago. The victim’s mother last year contacted Virginia cops to report that her daughter had sent a series of naked photos to a Kik user with the handle “Gbe_chiefkeef.” The man had told the victim that his name was Keith Cozart. The actual Chief Keef (real name: Keith Cozart) is a 19-year-old performer from Chicago who has a lengthy rap sheet and is considered the violence-plagued city’s leading gangsta rapper. Cozart is founder and CEO of the record label Glory Boyz Entertainment, or GBE. A Chicago mayoral spokesperson recently called the rapper “an unacceptable role model” whose music “promotes violence.” On Saturday night, police in Hammond, Indiana shut down Chief Keef’s appearance--via hologram from California-- at a hip-hop festival, citing unspecified safety concerns. As detailed in a search warrant application, after Baldwin received nude pictures from the girl, he pressured her to send additional explicit photos. In Kik messages, Baldwin demanded new images “or ur gonna get exposed.” A review of Baldwin’s Gmail account, agents reported, turned up nude photos of several females that appeared to be under 18. The images were forwarded from Baldwin’s Kik account, which contains the avatar “Keith Cozart.” In one e-mail, Baldwin warned a woman named Leetricia, “I should expose you.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Camera chip back-up capacity Dear Webby, You have mentioned occasionally using camera chips for backing up files. What is their capacity, and how do you do that? I don't have a camera. Hanna Dear Hanna Wether you have a camera or not, get a chip reader! They are from $5 - $15 and read all the chips. The chip reader plugs into a USB port and acts like an extra hard drive. You can drag files from and to it, as if it was just another hard drive in the machine. You can get those chips from 2 GB to 64 GB at computer, electronics and camera stores. Some of them have 2 GB chips occasionally as free door prizes to get you to visit, however, even 64 GB chips are cheaper than an external hard drive. Usually a 32 GB chip is plenty for backing up real data, unless you have lots of movies and music. Editing picture files sitting on a camera chip can be slow, not so muche becasue of the chip, but because of the computer's USB port. For editing big pictures, drag them onto the C: drive into the folder, where you have that kind of pictures, and edit it there. The chip acts just like any ol hard drive, and you can even use DOS bats to single-click back up onto them. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ My ex once suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It was titled: 'Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong.' ______________________________________________________ The teacher asked to use the words "defeat," "defense," and "detail" in a sentence. said, "The rabbit cut across the field and defeat went over defense before detail." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fishing Boxes as Craft Organizers Organize fabric, ribbons, thread, trim, buttons, needles, and whatever else with cheap fishing boxes from Walmart (~$6). By GRAPE [6] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden. Boy: It's very kind of you, darling. But I don't have any worries or troubles. Girl: Well that's because we aren't married yet. ____________________________________________________
math question - she doesn't "get" it
____________________________________________________ A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an abdominal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, if not a psychopsymatic phase, spoke to the doctor about it. "Don't worry about a thing." the doctor told the nurse, looking somewhat amused. "He really does have a bump on his head. The operation took longer than planned, and about halfway through it we ran out of anesthetic. We had to bean him with the fire extinguisher." ____________________________________________________
The great hermit crab shell swap.

Today in 
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 
1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist 
 Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 
1790 The first U.S. census was completed with a total 
 population of 3,929,214 recorded.
1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an 
 emancipation bill. 
1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. 
 The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 
1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and 
 William Ford. 
1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was 
 over control of Korea. 
1907 The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division that 
later became the U.S. Air Force. 
1914 Germany declared war on Russia after Russia sided with 
 Serbs and declared war on Austria the at the beginning of 
 World War I. 
1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they 
 opened in Berlin. 
1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi occupation 
 began. The revolt continued until October 2 when Polish 
 forces surrendered. 
1953 The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It 
 was the first of this type in America. 
1956 The Social Security Act was amended to provide benefits 
 to disabled workers aged 50-64 and disabled adult children. 
1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was 
 created by the United States and Canada. 
1973 The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 
1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to 
 buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 
2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power 
 when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent 
 an intestinal surgery.
2015  smiled.


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Back-up capacity of camera chips 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, July 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Picked my raspberies and a handful of Saskatoons over them
for sweetening and contrast. 



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida Mom, who chased boy with knife for bugging her daughter on playground. Details at Boneheads Today in 1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) Good breeding consists of concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person. --- Mark Twain As you journey through life take a minute every now and then to give a thought for the other fellow. He could be plotting something. --- Hagar the Horrible ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Over the cover of a women's magazine, a title caught her eye: "Men's Secret Fear About Their Working Wives." She decided to get a first hand account. "What's your innermost fear about my working?" she asked her husband. "That you'll quit," he promptly replied. ______________________________________________________ A man was driving to work when a truck ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a hot concrete slab in front of a huge, yellow and red sign. I didn't realize that somebody was standing in front of the 'S' on the 'SHELL' sign. ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt Adams, WA ______________________________________________________ Two college students are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change. Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust. Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of singles and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile. The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers. Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity. "What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank. "You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze." Matt replies, "And we weren't?" ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Shakella Quinn, 27, Boca Raton Florida
Florida Mom Chased Boy With Knife For Bugging Her Daughter When Shakella Quinn heard about her daughter had a playground argument with a fifth grade boy, she felt obliged to defend the girl's cred -- by allegedly chasing the boy with a knife. Police in Boca Raton, Florida, arrested 27-year-old Quinn on charges of aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, resisting arrest and a probation violation, according to the police report. Quinn's daughter got into an argument with a boy and ran to tell her mother. Witnesses said the suspect responded by grabbing a knife and chasing the boy through a parking lot. The boy eventually ran into an apartment belonging to one of the witnesses, the Palm Beach Post reports. The witness told police that Quinn waited outside the apartment even after being told that police were coming to the scene. Officers said that when they approached Quinn, she was holding a pair of scissors with “an aggressive and threatening grip,” according to the police report, The knife was on the ground nearby, in the parking lot. Neither Quinn's daughter nor the boy she's accused of chasing would talk to police about the incident. Quinn admitted that she yelled at the boy for fighting with her daughter, but denied threatening anyone or using a knife, according to the Florida Sun-Sentinel. Arresting officers said Quinn kicked, screamed and yelled, "I ain't going to jail." She did go to the Palm Beach County Jail. Quinn is currently behind bars in lieu of $25,000 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Hanna Re: Camera chip back-up capacity Dear Webby, You have mentioned occasionally using camera chips for backing up files. What is their capacity, and how do you do that? I don't have a camera. Hanna Dear Hanna Wether you have a camera or not, get a chip reader! They are from $5 - $15 and read all the chips. The chip reader plugs into a USB port and acts like an extra hard drive. You can drag files from and to it, as if it was just another hard drive in the machine. You can get those chips from 2 GB to 64 GB at computer, electronics and camera stores. Some of them have 2 GB chips occasionally as free door prizes to get you to visit, however, even 64 GB chips are cheaper than an external hard drive. Usually a 32 GB chip is plenty for backing up real data, unless you have lots of movies and music. Editing picture files sitting on a camera chip can be slow, not so muche becasue of the chip, but because of the computer's USB port. For editing big pictures, drag them onto the C: drive into the folder, where you have that kind of pictures, and edit it there. The chip acts just like any ol hard drive, and you can even use DOS bats to single-click back up onto them. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A doctor, an engineer, a rabbi and a politician were debating who was the world's first professional. The Doctor said "It must have been a doctor. Who else could have helped with the world's first surgery of taking a rib from Adam to create Eve, the first woman?" "No," said the rabbi. "It must have been a rabbi, since the Lord needed someone to help preach his message to Adam and the world." "Wait," said the engineer. "The world was created in 6 days from nothing. Do you know what a master engineering feat that must have been to create the whole world into an orgnanized and reasonably civilized place from utter chaos?" "Yes, but who created the chaos?" asked the politician. ______________________________________________________ Police was dispatched to an Ohio college campus this week to break up a fight involving two group of students, about 35 students total were involved. A group of black students saw what they thought were members of the KKK white supremacist organization parading around the campus. They took offense and proceeded to yell and throw empty bottles at them. A fight followed. It turned out that they were members of a campus fraternity that were going to a party dressed as the Pope and his entourage of Cardinals. That'll teach people not to wear "evil" costumes! ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vaseline as Diaper Cream I was reading about all the concoctions for belly butter and thought I'd share my sure fire diaper rash preventative. My boys are 60, 57, 55, and 38. I used petroleum jelly (aka Vaseline) on their bottoms after each diaper change. We "never" had diaper rash! Not even after I started giving them "real" orange juice. By Marty Dick [160] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A man walks up the counter and says, "I'll have 2 pounds of Tofu." The man at the counter says, "Oh, you must be from California." The man responds, "How stereotypical! If I had ordered Pepperoni would you think I was Italian?" "No." answers the man at the counter. And besides, pepperoni is more Sicilian than Italian. "If I had ordered Wienerschnitzel would you have thought I was German?" he asks. "No." says the man behind the counter, "and besides, Wiener Schnitzel are from Wien, the capital of Austria." "Then why," he asks, "would you think I was from California, just because I want 2 pounds of tofu ???" The man looks up from the counter and says, "'Cause you're in a hardware store." ____________________________________________________
floppy, floppy spider
____________________________________________________ When a mother saw a thunderstorm forming in mid- afternoon, she worried about her five-year-old daughter who would be walking the three blocks from kindergartenl to home. Deciding to meet her, the mother saw her walking nonchalantly along, stopping to smile whenever lightning flashed. Seeing her mother, the little girl ran to her, explaining happily, "All the way home, God's been taking my picture!" ____________________________________________________
Cut feather art, I especially like #4 and #7.

Today in 
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
 Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 
1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins 
 for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The 
 substance was used in fertilizer. 
1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 
1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He 
 introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows 
 on the South Seas." 
1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched 
 a series of cars under his name. 
1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became 
 the youngest person to swim the English Channel. 
1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures 
 of the moon's surface. 
1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in 
 a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 
1981 The seven-week baseball players’ strike came to an end 
 when the players and owners agreed on the issue of free agent 
 compensation. 
1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 
1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape 
 reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage 
 William R. Higgins. 
1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released 
 in the U.S. 
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 
1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital 
 Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 
1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It 
 was a mission to detect frozen water under the moon's surface. 
 The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 
2015  smiled.


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Can you upgrade from VISTA to Windows 7 without losing files? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 30

Thank you, Charles

Beautiful full moon out tonight!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Fugitive arrested after cops see him reported as actor in horror film Details at Boneheads Today in 1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Some people will never learn anything because they understand everything too soon. --- Alexander Pope (1688 - 1744) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This older couple met their demise in an auto accident and were transported to Heaven. As they were waiting to be processed, they began to look all around at their setting for eternity. The wife was amazed at the beauty, the peace and the contentment she felt and commented over and over about what a nice place Heaven was and how fortunate she felt to be there. She asked her mate:"What would you do if you could go back for just one day?" "I'd go strangle whoever invented bran muffins. We could have been here 15 years ago!" ______________________________________________________ Dr Gordon was a guest at a chic gathering, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," Dr Gordon replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the right track." "What sort of question?" asked the hostess. "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' " The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't haappen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Clyde's Cactus ______________________________________________________ On a Monday the teacher asked what happened over the weekend. said, "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher said, "Good, can you spell that for the class?" thought for a minute and said, "Just kidding, we went to Ohio." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Stange, 44, Tacoma, Washington
Fugitive arrested after cops see him reported as actor in horror film A fugitive has been arrested after federal agents saw his photo in a Washington state newspaper that ran a story about a low-budget horror movie. The News Tribune reports that 44-year-old Jason Stange, a convicted bank robber, plays a leading role in the movie, "Marla Mae." The Olympian newspaper ran a feature story on the film Friday with photos that showed Stange on the film set in Olympia. That tattoo, that face, that name, yes, that's him! Federal agents tracked down Stange and arrested him Friday at a restaurant close to the filming location. Stange pleaded guilty to an armed bank robbery in 2006 and was given a 117-month prison sentence. A federal probation violation warrant was issued last year after Stange left a halfway house in Spokane. The film's producer says Stange will remain in the film, which is scheduled for release in 2016.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: VISTA to Windows 7 Dear Webby, Can you advise, please? Our computer has Vista and we have purchased Windows 7. Do we have to uninstall Vista before we install Windows 7? Thank you Denise Dear Denise If you do it right, you won't have to format and lose it all. First make sure your computer can handle W7. Theoretically it should, but it's best to make sure before you take the plunge. Download and run the Windows 7 Upgrade Advisor to see if your PC is ready for Windows 7. It scans your hardware, devices, and installed programs for known compatibility issues, gives you guidance on how to resolve potential issues found, and recommends what to do before you upgrade. Windows 7 Upgrade Advisor Next print this tutorial: VISTA to Windows 7 Yes, print it out! During the upgrade the computer will reboot a few times, and you will not be able to get back to that online tutorial. Follow the steps in that with a highlighter or red pen to checkmark, and make sure you don't miss any steps. Of course, before you do any of that, it is a very good idea to back up all important data, addresses, mails, spreadsheets, documents, pictures, music, etc. onto a camera chip or DVD. Good Luck! Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ An elderly lady is on a cruise ship and wanders up to the bar and asks for a Scotch with two drops of water. As the bartender gives her the drink she says, "I'm on the cruise to celebrate my 80th birthday and it's today." The bartender says "Well, since it's your birthday, this one is on me." As the woman finishes her drink, the lady to her right says, "I would like to buy you a drink too." The elderly matron says, "Thank you. Bartender, I want a scotch with two drops of water." "Coming up," says the bartender. As she finishes her drink, the man to her left says, "I would like to buy you one also. The lady says, "Thank you. Bartender, I would like another scotch with two drops of water." "Comin' right up," the bartender says. As he gives her the drink he says, "Ma'am, I'm dying of curiosity. Why the Scotch with only two drops of water?" The 80 year old replies, "Sonny, when you're my age, you learn how to hold your liquor. Water, however, is a whole other issue." ______________________________________________________ At the end of their first date, a guy takes the girl home. Emboldened by the night, the guy decides to try for the first kiss. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand against the wall and, smiling, he says to her: "Darling, how 'bout a good night kiss?" Horrified, she replies "Are you mad? My parents will see us!" Him: "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this hour?" Her: "No, please. Can you imagine if we get caught?" Him: "Oh come on, there's nobody around, they're all sleeping!" Her: "No way. It's just too risky!" Him "Oh please, please, I love you so much?!?" Her: "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just can't!" Him: "Oh yes you can. Please?" Her: "No, no. I just can't" Him: "I beg you ... " Suddenly the light on the stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says: "Dad says to go ahead and give him a kiss. Or I can do it. Or if need be, he'll come down himself and do it. But for God sake tell the idiot to take his hand off the intercom." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frozen Yogurt Discs This is a super simple recipe. The kids can even help you make them. My kids can't wait for the discs to freeze. It's one of their favorite frozen treats. Approximate Time: a few minutes, plus time for freezing. Yield: As many as you would like. Ingredients: Yogurt, any type Pieces of fruit (optional) Steps: Put some wax paper onto a baking sheet. It helps to get the discs off later. Scoop some yogurt into a plastic zippy bag. You can make as much or as little as you would like. Snip a small piece off the corner of the bag. Carefully squeeze a little dollop on the wax paper. Keep squeezing the dollops until you run out of yogurt. Optional: You can add a small piece of fruit to each disc if you would like. Then cover with a small amount of yogurt. Put in the freezer. It doesn't take very long for them to firm up. We wait about an hour or so. Pop the discs off to eat, or put in a container for storage. By Becky Miles [58] First step should be to re-arrange the stuff in your freezer so that you have a perfectly level base for your baking sheet. Trying to do that with one hand while holding the baking sheet with the other might result in a big mess. At this time of year, when you frequently toss in containers of fruit, that can be a challenge, so do that first! If you don't have yoghurt, you can use custard, like good ol Birds Custard img src="http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/31c9rPSCCEL._SL75_.jpg" It is cheap and easy and clean product since 1837. 600g of powder makes 16 pints of custard !! That link is of course not the only source! It just shows you what to look for at your grocery store. You can add chocolate chips to flavor it, or any fruit. You can also just drop a spoon full over a berry or pitted cherry. No limit to what you can do. Have FUN! DarWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A cop walking his usual beat sees an older man pulling a box on a leash down a busy street. "Poor fellow," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That's a nice dog you got there," the cop says to the man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," the man replies. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman. "I thought you were a bit....strange." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?" ____________________________________________________
Poor fail
____________________________________________________ A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before. All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "I get all the thanks I need when I see your mother kiss you on the cheek." ____________________________________________________
The extraordinary Birds of Paradise. I could watch these beautiful birds all day, every day.

Today in 
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands 
 off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 
1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. 
 The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. 
1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the 
 first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to 
 use Technicolor. 
1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women Accepted for 
 Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S. Navy. 
1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. 
 The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima 
 atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 
 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 
1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. 
 national motto. 
1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security 
 Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into 
 effect the following year. 
1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee 
 voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate 
 investigation and for abuse of power. 
1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm 
 the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 
1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled 
 off the assembly line. 
1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl 
 Radio & TV Tower. 
2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three 
 consecutive Tours de France. 
2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle rolled 
 off an assembly line. 
2015  smiled.


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Does an old Excel work on Windows 8.1? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing Details at Boneheads Today in 1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ He's turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now he's miserable and depressed. --- David Frost If a cluttered desk is the sign of a cluttered mind, what is the significance of a clean desk? --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Barb Minister's Wife Jack goes to his friend Mike and says "I'm sleeping with the minister's wife. Can you keep him back in church for an hour after service for me?" Mike doesn't like it, but being a friend, he agrees. After the service, Mike starts talking to the minister, asking him all sorts of stupid questions, just to keep him occupied. Finally the minister gets annoyed and asks Mike what he's really up to. Mike, feeling guilty, finally confesses to the minister. "My friend is sleeping with your wife right now, so he asked me to keep you occupied." The minister thinks for a minute, smiles, puts a brotherly hand on Mike's shoulder and says: "You better hurry home now. My wife died a year ago". ______________________________________________________ When Liz went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended to Liz's daughter to apply early to improve her chances for admission. She said, "We get so many applicants because of the stature and reputation of the school." After the tour Liz asked their guide, "Why did you choose this school?" She said, "Oh, because my boyfriend works at the McDonalds just a block from here since he got his PhD three years ago." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ An Army major, was conducting a field test when communications went dead, just when headquarters initiated a call to him. Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant to speed to the command station. When the major and the sergeant ran in, the group cheered their arrival. The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the major's hand. "Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to his driver. "It was all the sergeant's doing." The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant. "Congratulations, Sergeant!" he said. "The major's wife just had a baby girl." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Clyde: Mt AdamsTahklahk Lake, Washington ______________________________________________________ An amateur golfer is one who addresses the ball twice: once before swinging, and once again after swinging. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sue Godfirnon, 57, St. Petersburg, Floriduh
Floriduh Kindergarten teacher harasses neighbor about barbecuing A video of a Pinellas County code enforcement officer reprimanding two men about BBQ smoke from their grill is now viral. More than 4 million people have seen the video, that was shot July 22 outside the south St. Petersburg home. Godfirnon had in the past called the fire department, the cops, and filed at least 15 complaints with the county. Ajaya Satyal with Pinellas County Air Quality said: “Mostly the complaints have been filed after the fact but several occasions like the last incident our inspector found odor and smoke emanating from this property,” said Satyal about the 15 complaints made about the property on Alcola Way South. “I hope she leaves us alone, I hope she moves out of the neighborhood,” said Dwayne Matt. “I don’t think you know what all we’ve been through,” said Dwayne. The Matt brothers live in the house they grew up in, that they inherited from their parents. Godfirnon is relatively new to the neighborhood. She has not complained about her white neighbor barbecuing. Since the video was posted last week, it has been shared and viewed over 4 million of times. And the incident has become a rallying cry for both conservative bloggers who see government bureaucracy run amok, and African-American activists denouncing the confrontation as harassment. ---------------------- Earliest account of BBQ: Genesis 8:21 Then Noah built an altar to the LORD, and took of every clean animal and of every clean bird and offered barbebcued offerings on the altar. 21: The LORD smelled the soothing aroma; and the LORD said to Himself, "I will never again curse the ground on account of man, ... That is a bit before my time, but it is very clear that the smell of barbecuing is approved by the HIGHEST authority.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marlene Re: Old Excel for W8.1 Dear Webby, I have used an older version of excell for years. Just had to buy a new computer with windows 8.1. can I install the older version or must I buy the new one. thanks for all you do. BTW- you are really missed the days you go for treatment. is there anyway you could set up a "best of webby" for those day Marlene Dear Marlene The next injection trip will be in October. They are getting further and further apart. With Excel, I would try to install it, if you have the setup file. If not, try to find one on Ebay or Amazon. I am using a fairly ancient 2003 version occasionally, and it works OK. You can also install Open Office and use Open Office Calc, like most of Europe and Asia is. It can pick up Excel files from any version, and even save them back as Excel files. Have FUN! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Overheard in the elevator: I tell you, women drivers are a hazard to traffic. Driving to work this morning on the freeway, I looked over to my left and there was a woman in a Mustang doing 65 miles per hour with her face up next to her rear view mirror putting on her eyeliner! I looked away for a couple seconds and when I looked back she was halfway over in my lane. It scared me so bad I dropped my electric shaver in my coffee, and it spilled all over the keyboard on my laptop! ______________________________________________________ Thinking about technology, my neighbor knew a lady who wanted a picture touched up of her late husband. She asked the photosho guru to take the hat off her husband's head in the picture, as well. He asked her, on her way out the door, what side her husband parted his hair on. She thought for a minute, and then said that she didn't remember, but he'd find out when he took the hat off. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leave Sugar Out of Cooked Foods I don't add sugar to my veggies. I just heat them, whether canned or frozen. I don't put sugar in my cornbread. I am not diabetic, I just don't require that all my food be sweetened. By Marty Dick [160] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A young woman meets her old, retired, parish priest and when he asks her how she is, she bursts out crying. "What's the matter child?" he asks. "Oh, Father," she says, "it's my boyfriend. He won't marry me because I'm Roman Catholic." "There, there child. Here's what you do. Explain to him the faith of the Church, the traditions, the ceremonies and the rites. That'll bring him around." Tearfully, the young woman says she'll try it. About a year later, they meet again, and again she bursts into tears when he asks how she is doing. "Is it your boyfriend, child?" he asks. "Yes, Father." "Did you explain about the Church as I suggested?" "Yes, Father," she says, "but that was the problem. He was so taken by it that he's now studying to be a priest." ____________________________________________________
Nearly naked dance with towels
____________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" A voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!" ____________________________________________________
Wine bottle opener machine

Today in 
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle 
 of Gravelines. 
1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 
 25-minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked 
 out Jean Petit from France. 
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was 
 inaugurated when two people held a conversation between 
 New York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 
1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile 
 swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis 
 to Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 
1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 
1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA) 
 was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's 
 stance against artificial methods of birth control. 
1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to 
 lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government 
 welcomed the action and announced its intention to open 
 serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 
1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were 
 married. 
1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be 
 the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 
1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker 
 John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the Terrible." 
 His death sentence was thrown out and he was set free. 
1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years 
 after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth 
 defects. 
1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against 
 General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues. 
2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet 
 (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.
2015  smiled.


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Task manager top menu 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Minnesota man shot 3 women who wouldn't sing 'Happy Birthday' Details at Boneheads Today in 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. However, because Seantors feared losing votes, it has not been made mandatory. Only electricians cheerfully adopted it, because it is so much easier. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Man is only miserable so far as he thinks himself so. --- Jacopo Sannazaro Man seeketh in society comfort, use and protection. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Here is a joke that I cleaned up and re-wrote to this version a few years ago and that came back to me now unchanged, just the way I put it: On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an Army aircraft, the big hand is on the 12 and the little hand is on the 3. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours until happy hour in the lounge." ______________________________________________________ This afternoon there will be a meeting in the south and north ends of the church. Children will be baptized at both ends. Thursday at 5:00 p.m. there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister in his study. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ An applicant was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught." ______________________________________________________ Here is a picture from subscriber Bill: Payette River NW of Boise, Idaho ______________________________________________________ The young wife was in tears when she opened the door for her husband. "I've been insulted," she sobbed. "Your mother insulted me." "My mother!" he exclaimed. "But she is a hundred miles away." "I know, but a letter marked "Private, for George only" came for you this morning and I opened it." He looked stern, "I see, but where does the insult come in?" "In the postscript," she answered. "It said: 'Dear Alice, don't forget to give this letter to George.' ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Delonte Thomas, 20, Minneapolis, Minnesota
Minnesota man shot 3 women who wouldn't sing 'Happy Birthday' A Minnesota man who shot three women at a birthday party last July after they refused to sing "Happy Birthday" to his girlfriend has been sentenced to 27 years in prison. Delonte Thomas, 20, was sentenced on Monday after being convicted of one count of attempted first-degree murder and three counts of attempted second-degree murder on June 16, according to KARE11.com. Authorities said on July 9, 2014, Thomas shot three women at a birthday party in Minneapolis after attendees sang "Happy Birthday" to the guest of honor, but not to his date, who shared the same birthday. The lack of interest in the girlfriend's birthday angered Thomas, who left the party in a huff and returned 20 minutes later with a semi-automatic handgun, according to the New York Daily News. Thomas then fired the gun, focusing on one woman who objected to his song request by shooting her nine times, the paper reports. Another woman was shot eight times, including once in the center of her chest, while a third woman was shot eight times in her legs, the Minneapolis Star-Tribune reports. All three victims survived but required surgery for their injuries, according to KSTP.com. Defense lawyers argued that Thomas should only serve 16 years behind bars, while Hennepin County attorney thought the accused should serve all the sentences consecutively, more than 40 years. The judge split the difference with the 27-year sentence, according to a release by the Hennepin County District Attorney. Thomas requested leniency at his sentencing hearing, according to the release.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mary Re: Task Manager top menu Dear Webby, How do I get my Task Manager back to it's original form, with the multi functions available? Mary Dear Mary Use CTRL SHIFT ESC to open the task manager. It should open in default mode with the six tabs on top, unless you have W8. Have Fun! DearWebby Thanks for the quick response. Your answer didn't work (Windows7), but it did prompt me to ask the "right" question. Thanks for that inadvertent prompt, lol. Windows help and support - " Why does Task Manager look different? Where have the menus and tabs gone? Task Manager has two different views. To see the view that includes menus and tabs, double-click the border of the Task Manager window. To switch back to the view without menus and tabs, double-click anywhere in the border around the tabs." I fixed it, thanks! Mary, Dear Mary That is interesting! All these years I had never double-clicked on the frame, or needed a Task manager without a top menu. Thanks for the tip! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A group Winnebago drivers on route back to Alaska for the summer were sitting in a truck stop. To blend in with the truckers, they had to complain about something, so they were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!" ______________________________________________________ A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had been surprised in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Five Minute Chocolate Mug Cake When you need a quick delicious dessert for one or two. Mix these ingredients in a mug, microwave 3 minutes and it's done! Approximate Time: 5 minutes Yield: one or two per mug Ingredients: 1 coffee mug 4 Tbsp plain flour 4 Tbsp sugar 2 Tbsp baking cocoa 1 egg 3 Tbsp milk 3 Tbsp oil splash of vanilla 3 Tbsp chocolate chips (optional) Steps: Add dry ingredients (flour, sugar, cocoa) into cup and mix together. Add egg and mix. Add milk, oil and vanilla and mix. If adding chocolate chips, add them at this time. Place mug in microwave and cook for 3 minutes. The cake will rise over the mug but mine never spilled over. Just watch it and don't be alarmed when it rises high. Allow the mug to cool. I ran a knife around the inside of the cup and the cake came right out or you may eat it right from the mug. The chips will be soft, hot and wet, sort of like a molten cake mix. At this point you may sprinkle powdered sugar, add a dollop of ice cream or just eat it as is. It's moist enough. Now you can have chocolate cake any time of the day in only 5 minutes. You're welcome! : ) By Donna [255] For those of us, who have outgrown the need for huge amounts of sugar, 1 1/2 teaspoons of honey will sweeten it enough. The milk does not have to be fresh milk. Powdered milk dissolved in 3 TBSP water works just fine. If you are tick and sired of vanilla, a teaspoon of instant coffee makes a nice change. Actually, so will any flavor. One time I added some almond butter from the Bulk Barn and worked it into the wet ingredients. WOW! The recipe is sturdy enough so that you can experiment all you want, and it will still turn out fine. Btw., leave it in the Microwave an extra minute or two. You can watch it rise high over the cup, open the door and watch it slowly retract to just a finger's width over the cup. You can also reverse the mixing and mix the wet ingredients first and then add the dry ingredients. Especially if you have wiped the inside of the cup with butter beforehand, cleanup is faster. No matter what you do, with this recipe you can't go wrong. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it." ____________________________________________________
choirboys singing Meow
____________________________________________________ "How did you lose your job at the dress shop?" a woman asked her friend. "Well, after trying on about 25 dresses, the customer said to me, 'I think I would look nicer in something flowing' . . . and I suggested the Mississippi." ____________________________________________________
Wow! These glass sculptures are amazing!

Today in 
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 
1865 The American Dental Association proposed its first 
 code of ethics. 
1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress 
 for the standardization of weights and measures throughout 
 the United States. However, because Seantors feared losing 
 votes, it has not been made mandatory. Only electricians
 cheerfully adopted it, because it is so much easier.
1914 World War I officially began when England used Austria-
 Hungaria's march into their Serbian protectorate, after 
 Serbia refused to hand over the assassin of the crown prince. 
1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of 
 World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. 
 They were demanding money they were not scheduled to 
 receive until 1945. 
1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated 
 mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 
1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New 
 York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 
 26 were injured. 
1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the 
 number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 
 125,000. 
1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to 
 ban handguns. 
1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that 
 created the second-largest phone company. 
1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of 
 Malisevo. 
1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from 
 prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her 
 relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 
2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had 
 been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and 
 Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found 
 in the period soon after the Jurassic era.
2015  smiled.


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Does W10 have forced updates? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 27

There were quite a few comments about unsalted butter being 
healthier, because it is marked that it lasts only a
month, versus salted butter marked to last four months.
That is mostly just for getting a few gullible people
to throw out perfectly good butter and buy fresh butter.

If butter is kept in an airtight butter container in the 
fridge, it won't go bad. Salted butter uses the salt as an 
additional preservative. 

Just keep it in an airtight butter container in the fridge 
and don't worry about it. You will use it up long before it 
goes bad. 

It will go bad only if you keep it uncovered on the counter
or table. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a NJ man, who snuck into home of former girlfriend, hid under bed for 5 days. Details at Boneheads Today in 1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended. I remember that! Rationing ended and I got my first Hot Dog. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. --- Sir Francis Bacon (1561 - 1626) We don't want to go back to tomorrow, we want to go forward. --- Dan Quayle ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man entered a stationery store and asked the clerk for a "birthday/anniversary card." The clerk replied, "We have birthday cards and we have anniversary cards. Why not take one of each?" The man said, "You don't understand. I need a card that covers both events. You see, we're celebrating the fifteenth anniversary of my wife's twenty-ninth birthday." ______________________________________________________ After listening to an impromptu campaign speech, the minister said, "Before I vote for you for sheriff, I would like to know if you partake of intoxicating beverages?" The candidate for sheriff said, "Before I answer, tell me if this is an inquiry or an invitation." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make off the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters." ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jason Hubbard 23, SPOTSWOOD, N.J.
NJ man snuck into home of former girlfriend, hid under bed for 5 days Police in New Jersey announced details late Tuesday of a bizarre break-in. Authorities say the suspect, Jason Hubbard, broke into the Adamcewicz home on Ellenel Boulevard in Spotswood and camped out under the bed in a spare room for as many as five days. Just before 7 p.m. on May 10, police responded to a 911 for a report of an intruder in the house. Upon arrival, officers came in contact with Hubbard in the home. Police subsequently placed him under arrest for criminal trespass. "He was hiding upstairs underneath the bed, in my daughter's bedroom," Margaret Adamcewicz said. "He used to date my daughter five years ago...It didn't end well...He didn't say why he came back. He just picked our house to hide out in. He didn't have a home to live in." The daughter had in the meantime moved away, but apparently he remembered how to sneak into the daughter's bedroom. Further investigation revealed that Hubbard entered the home through an open door when one resident was taking out the garbage. After entering the house, he proceeded into the spare bedroom, where he stayed under the bed for days. He also began charging his four cell phones utilizing an electric outlet under the bed. "I haven't heard from him in five years," Margaret said. "I wasn't scared, I was just angry." Hubbard remained living under the bed in the spare bedroom until her husband heard a noise in the bedroom. When he looked under the bed, he found Hubbard and immediately called police. The couple's 28-year-old son corralled Hubbard until officers arrived. "I don't think he was eating," Margaret said. "I think he just had water under the bed." Asked what her message would be to Hubbard, she said, "To stay away from this house and never come back." At the conclusion of the investigation, Hubbard was also charged with burglary and theft of services (electric current). He was transported to Spotswood Police Headquarters, where he was processed. He was then transported to Middlesex County Adult Corrections Center in lieu of $50,000.00 bail.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cory Re: Forced updates in W10 Dear Webby, Is it true that Windows 10, due in two days for those who accidentally clicked that uninvited W10 button, will have forced updates of W10 and main apps? That sounds rather scary to me! Cory Dear Cory Yes, that is indeed the plan Microsoft has. If they discover a major OOOPS, and they are bound to with a new operating system, they will push out a fix immediately, whether you like it or not, and in Microsoft style, whether the fix works or not. Unless you are a 14 year old dweeb with half a dozen pens in your pocket protector, and have to brag about having the newest OS in your daddy's old machine, there is really no need to jump to W10 at this time. The included Edge browser is apparently better than IE, but not nearly as good as Chrome or FireFox. Almost all the other "cool" items to impress teens and brag about in highschool are already available as extensions and add-ons for W7 and W8.1, IF you actually need them. Which is very doubtful. There has not been much demand for them. Windows Media Center will be gone. Dead. Just a fond memory. Don’t upgrade to Windows 10 if you rely on and use Windows Media Center on a daily basis! There will be third party apps to take it's place probably within a few months, but initially they might be a bit buggy, especially trying to cope with frantic bug fixes of W10. The same goes for all other third party apps, that you use. Some of them might work OK with W10 initially, but die after one of the forced W10 updates. Some developers will simply give up and wait until W10.1 or until W10.? is stable enough, so that there won't be any more drastic changes. You might remember the W8 chaos, and the quick change to W8.1, and the overtime effort to bring out W10 as fast as possible, so that you might hopefully forget W8. W10 COULD be a great operating system, or it could continue the Microsoft tradition. We will know by the time a new president is elected in the US. Unless you absolutely need to jump to W10, don't rush. The free "update" is good for a year anyway, and if you buy a new computer from China, W10 will be already pre-installed. That is another reason for the forced updates. DELL and other sellers of Chinese computers have cloned the hard drives of many tens of thousands of machines with W10, as it was a few months ago. By now Microsoft may have found some really bad bugs, that need to be fixed immediately. For a year or so you will have to expect forced updates. Developers of third party apps are really worried about those forced updates, since they won't get any advance notice about involved changes. Personally, I am not going to rush into W10 and won't even consider it until year's end. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The owner of a manufacturing facility was complaining in a staff meeting one day, that he wasn't getting any respect. Next morning morning, he came in with a small sign that read, "I am the Boss!" and attached it to his office door. Later that day, when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that read, "Your wife called. She wants her sign back!" ______________________________________________________ A group of young children were siting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" "It goes moo." "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" "It goes meow." "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" "It goes baaa." "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" "Errr.., it goes.. click!" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Healthy Microwave Popcorn I'd been thinking about buying a popcorn machine for the longest time after I found out just how surprising unhealthy microwaveable popcorn was. It is full of chemicals and preservatives! I had no clue. All you need for some perfect fresh popcorn is some popcorn kernels, a microwaveable bowl, a microwaveable plate that fits on top of it, and, if you so desire, a pat of butter (I prefer coconut oil). Pour your kernels into your bowl. Here, I did about 1/3 of a cup. Place your plate on top. Put a pat of butter on the plate. Microwave for about 2 1/2 minutes. You'll notice you have a bowl of popcorn and a plate with melted butter. Using oven mitts, take out the bowl and plate, tip the melted butter on to the popcorn (salt if you want), and enjoy! You will probably have some unpopped kernels. Save them for the next round! By attosa [109] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please." ____________________________________________________
Don't Send a Man for Groceries
____________________________________________________ The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jimmy interrupted. "My Mommy looked back once while she was DRIVING," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into a wrong driveway and crunched a gate!" ____________________________________________________
A husband and wife team perform a funny vaudeville-style act. I thought they were hilarious!

Today in 
1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus 
 of France defeated John of England. 
1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after 
 they found him guilty of sacrilege. 
1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act, 
 which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in 
 British ships from British ports. 
1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at the 
 Battle of Killiecrankie. 
1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help 
 the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 
1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable. 
 It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe. 
1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane flight. 
 He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it in the air 
 for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 
1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland, and 
 began to disarm Irish rebels. 
1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete barge 
 and was used to carry oil. 
1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates 
 announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 
1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros. 
 animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 
1944 U.S. troops completed the liberation of Guam. 
1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was 
 signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 
1955 The Allied occupation of Austria ended.
 I remember that! Rationing ended and I got my first Hot Dog.
1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000 
 advisers to South Vietnam. 
1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and 
 Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health 
 warnings on all cigarette packages. 
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission 
 to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban rioting. 
1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures against 
 President Richard Nixon. 
1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died in a 
 hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 
1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced an 
 $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 
1999 The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day mission 
commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was the first 
 shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 
2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.) that 
 there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation used 600 
 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation technology to trawl 
 the loch. Reports of sightings of the "Loch Ness Monster" began 
 in the 6th century. 
2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.
2015  smiled.


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Gas at Costco 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, July 23

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means nothing,including my newsletter, 
will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

>From Unk Wes
One thing I only recently found out about the Costco AM 
Card is that it will give you 3% back on gas no matter 
where the gas is purchased !
Unk Wes



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Big S.C. jackass, who struck little waitress after she asked him to stop using racial slurs Details at Boneheads Today in 1829 - William Burt patented the typographer, which was the first typewriter. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Let not the sands of time get in your lunch. --- National Lampoon The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything except genius. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) By all means marry; if you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. --- Socrates ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." "Well, to tell you the real truth," the host whispered, " I've forgotten her name." ______________________________________________________ The three wise men arrived to visit the child lying in the manger. One of the wise men was exceptionally tall, and bumped his head on the low doorway as he entered the stable. "Jesus Christ!" he exclaimed. Joseph said, "Write that down, Mary; that's a LOT better than Melvin Clyde!" ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dustin Lowery, 23, Myrtle Beach, South Carolina
Big jackass struck little waitress after she asked him to stop using racial slurs A hulking restaurant patron who told South Carolina cops that he “had been joking with an African American family and calling them racial slurs” was arrested Saturday night after allegedly assaulting a female waitress who asked him to leave the eatery due to his behavior. According to police, Dustin Lowery, 23, struck waitress Megan Churchill in the face during the incident at Shuckers, a raw bar in Myrtle Beach. The 260-pound, 6’ 4” Lowery, seen above, was charged with misdemeanor battery. Churchill told police that Lowery and his family “were causing a disturbance and using racial slurs towards another family.” Churchill said the diatribe was “so bad” that the other family left the restaurant. The 23-year-old waitress added that Lowery slapped her in the face when he was asked to leave Shuckers. When questioned by police, Lowery--who smelled strongly of booze--said that he had been jokingly directing racial slurs at the other family, claiming that while “he did not know the family...he didn’t believe they minded” being denigrated. Lowery, who works for a construction firm, claimed that he only struck Churchill after she hit him. Lowery, cops noted, outweighs Churchill by 120 pounds and is 13 inches taller than her. A witness corroborated Churchill’s account of the encounter, saying that the diner “tried to leave without paying and was cursing and using racial slurs.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Unc Wes Re: Gas from Costco Dear Webby, One thing I only recently found out about the Costco AM Card is that it will give you 3% back on gas no matter where the gas is purchased ! Unk Wes Dear Unk Wes That is an excellent deal, even better than what we get in Canada. We get only 2% back. The best deal, though, is to get the gas from the fast Self Serve pumps at Costco, where the gas prices are usually 10% less than downtown. Plus get 2%, or 3% in the US back. It is rare these days to get such a good deal. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's incredible." The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me." _____________________________________________________ Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it don't hurt!" ______________________________________________________ A man was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The neighbor kept talking about chickens being great creatures, and as such they had the right to go where they wanted. The man was having no luck keeping the chickens out of his flower beds, and he had tried everything. Two weeks later, on a visit a friend noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were beginning to bloom. So the friend asked him how he managed to keep the neighbors chickens away. "How did you make your neighbor keep his hens in his own yard?" "One night I hid half a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed, and the next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. He built an 8 foot tall chainlink fence and I wasn't bothered by his chickens after that." ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Unsalted Butter I like the taste of salted butter, but it recently occurred to me that a lot of the things that I have with it - peanut butter, cheese, yeast extract - contain a fair amount of salt themselves. So I experimented with spreading bread or toast with unsalted butter when using these fillings, and found that I didn't miss the salt. In fact, unsalted butter tastes better with peanut butter than salted - its slight sweetness is a good complement. By Verity Pink [32] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS" ____________________________________________________
Paper is not dead
____________________________________________________ Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read." ____________________________________________________
A husband and wife team perform a funny vaudeville-style act. I thought they were hilarious!

Today in 
1715 - The first lighthouse in America was authorized for 
 construction at Little Brewster Island, Massachusetts. 
1827 - The first swimming school in the U.S. opened in 
 Boston, MA. 
1829 - William Burt patented the typographer, which was the 
 first typewriter. 
1886 - Steve Brodie, a New York saloonkeeper, claimed to 
 have made a daredevil plunge from the Brooklyn Bridge into 
 the East River. 
1904 - The ice cream cone was invented by Charles E. Menches 
 during the Louisiana Purchase Exposition in St. Louis, MO. 
1914 - Austria-Hungary issued an ultimatum to Serbia following 
 the killing of Archduke Francis Ferdinand by a Serb assassin. 
 England sided with the Serbs and started World War I. 
1945 - The first passenger train observation car was placed 
 in service by the Chicago, Burlington and Quincy Railroad. 
1952 - Egyptian military officers led by Gamal Abdel Nasser 
 overthrew King Farouk I. 
1958 - The submarine Nautilus departed from Pearl Harbor, Hawaii, 
 under orders to conduct "Operation Sunshine." The mission 
 was to be the first vessel to cross the north pole by ship. 
 The Nautils achieved the goal on August 3, 1958. 
1962 - The "Telstar" communications satellite sent the first 
 live TV broadcast to Europe. 
1972 - Eddie Merckx of Belgium won his fourth consecutive 
 Tour de France bicycling competition. 
1972 - The U.S. launched Landsat 1 (ERTS-1). It was the first 
 Earth-resources satellite. 
1984 - Miss America, Vanessa Williams, turned in her crown 
 after it had been discovered that nude photos of her had 
 appeared in "Penthouse" magazine. She was the first to 
 resign the title. 
1985 - Commodore unveiled the personal computer Amiga 1000. 
1986 - Britain's Prince Andrew married Sarah Ferguson at 
 Westminster Abbey in London. They divorced in 1996. 
1998 - U.S. scientists at the University of Hawaii turned 
 out more than 50 "carbon-copy" mice, with a cloning 
 technique. 
2000 - Lance Armstrong won his second Tour de France. 
2015  smiled.


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Is Costco a good deal? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, July 22

Tomorrow, Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.


One of the computer magazines had a headline:
"A tribute to Windows 8: If it hadn't been so bad, 
Windows 10 wouldn't be almost ready yet."
Windows 10.2, SP2 in 2020 is supposedly going to be 
awesome. Take your time. I am too busy working to 
have time for that anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Maryland dog watcher, who demanded sex from owner Details at Boneheads Today in 1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats out of town is said to have occurred on this date. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Imagine what it would be like if TV actually were good. It would be the end of everything we know. --- Marvin Minsky ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Bambi, a young lady sidled up to a guest at the party. She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said diffidently, "Doctor, may I ask a question?" "Certainly," he said. "Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right here over my heart..." The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy." "Oh," said Bambi, "I'm sorry!" She turned away, but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back. "Just one more question, doctor. Tell me, what kind of disease is philosophy?" ______________________________________________________ An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution, "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. Then I suggested that she try carrying several things at once." The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her twenty minutes to get breakfast ready. Now, I do it in seven." ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for having used a picture, that had been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that some day somebody will demand payment, AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. Hopefully none of those have been uploaded for entrapment purposes. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edward Lewis Thompson, 23, Frederick, Maryland
Maryland dog watcher, who demanded sex from owner A Maryland man is accused of demanding sexual favors as payment for watching a woman's dog while she stepped inside a business. Edward Lewis Thompson, 23, was indicted July 10 on charges of an attempted second-degree sex offense and second-degree assault, according to WUSA9.com. On June 11, Thompson allegedly agreed to watch a pit bull for a woman who needed to go inside a local business in Frederick. The woman told police that when she left the building Thompson asked her for “sexual favors in return for watching her dog,” according to the Washington Post. The woman said the suspect followed her to an alley, grabbed her and again demanded sexual favors. The victim's dog jumped to her aid and scared away the suspect, allowing her to escape and contact police. Frederick police identified Thompson after several interviews and watching video surveillance. Thompson was arrested for the assault charge on June 24 and indicted for the sex offense charge on July 10, an official told The Huffington Post. Good Doggie!
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Freeda Re: Costco Dear Webby, You have mentioned Costco quite favorably a number of times. My neighbor has no good word about them. What's the story? Freeda Dear Freeda I used to be annoyed at them, because at that time they accepted only American Express, and I wanted to get air miles with my VISA. Well, that was a long time ago. Then I had a heart attack and needed meds on the way home from the Rockyviw hospital, where they had totally misdiagnosed me. Well, Costco was the only pharmacy still open that late. So I got my prescription there. I didn't have COPD and pneumonia and this and that and the other thing, so the next day I staggered up to the local hospital, where a kindly old country doc told me that I didn't have any of that stuff, that I was just a walking dead with a heart attack, and that they could fix that. They did, and gave me a new prescription list. This time I phoned the pharmacy down the street, and Costco, for prices. Costco was half price. So I got a Costco membership card. You don't really need one for just medication, but they had all kinds of really good deals. In addition to that, they usually have about a dozen ladies in there giving you samples, pizza, pickled asperagus, chicken nuggets, potato salad, fruit salad, and on and on and on. By the time I have hiked through the store, I am filled up with all kinds of delicacies. AND, most of them are on jaw-dropping introductory sales. I also found out that they quite cheerfully take cash. So I budget myself according to how much cash I want to spend. At the tills they pack your stuff into boxes and put them into a cart. They don't wheel it out to your vehicle, but that is no big deal. It's all smooth pavement. In Canada Costco and AMEX have split their sheets and Costco now accepts Mastercard. They even have their own, where you get 2% back. I didn't think they would give one to me, considering how badly indebted I am, but they approved one right in the store and printed one out to use until a plastic one arrived in the mail. I just use it at the self-serve gas pumps. Fuel is also by far the cheapest at Costco. For members only. That alone is worth the $50 annual membership fee. If you commute or drive a lot, the membership will be paid for in a week, two at most. After that it's clear profit. Another HUGE advantage is their warranty. It is totally the opposite from Walmart, where returning anything is a major hassle. At Costco they ask what the problem was, and they don't argue one bit. Their second question is whether you want cash or have the amount put on your credit card. Done with a smile. Huh? Yep, here is the cash, Sir. Also, unlike Walmart, the employees are not hiding, but hike around and if I look lost or confused, some kind lady flirts at me and guides me to where the stuff is, that I had been looking for. I can highly recommend Costco and I am kicking myself, that I was so boneheaded about the credit cards 15 years ago! Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A friend and I were driving to the mall when we came to a bridge under construction. The road narrowed to one lane, with a red light at either end. We stopped at the red light on our side and when it turned green we started up again. Halfway through we met another car coming towards us. The driver leaned out his window and shouted, "I don't back up for idiots!" Putting his car into reverse, my friend called back, "No problem. I know how to do that." _____________________________________________________ "Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. However there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this here cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse." ______________________________________________________ If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH can stand for O as in Dough If PHTH can stand for T as in Phthisis If EIGH can stand for A as in Neighbor If TTE can stand for T as in Gazette If EAU can stand for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: "GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clove for Toothache Take a clove and let it sit in your mouth for a minute or until soft, then apply over the painful area until the pain goes away. By Katie M. [9] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ The temporary Sunday School teacher was struggling to open a combination lock on the supply cabinet. She had been told the combination, but couldn't quite remember it. Finally she went to the pastor's study and asked for help. The pastor came into the room and began to turn the dial. After the first two numbers he paused and stared blankly for a moment. Finally he looked serenely heavenward and his lips moved silently. Then he looked back at the lock, and quickly turned to the final number, and opened the lock. The teacher was amazed. "I'm in awe at your faith, pastor," she said. "It's really nothing," he answered. "The number is on a piece of tape on the ceiling." ____________________________________________________
Helium Beer
____________________________________________________ "I just hope it's not Alzheimer's," confessed the gentleman to his doctor. "Maybe there's some kind of memory medicine you can give me. See, I'm getting terribly forgetful; I lose track of where I'm going or what I'm supposed to do when I get there. What should I do?" he asked glumly. "Pay me in advance," the doctor promptly suggested. ____________________________________________________
How do they do that!

Today in 
1376 The legend of the Pied Piper of Hamelin leading rats 
 out of town is said to have occurred on this date. 
1587 A second English colony was established on Roanoke 
 Island off North Carolina. The colony vanished under 
 mysterious circumstances. 
1796 Cleveland was founded by General Moses Cleaveland. 
1798 The USS Constitution was underway and out to sea 
 for the first time since being launched on October 21, 1797 
1812 English troops under the Duke of Wellington defeated 
 the French at the Battle of Salamanca in Spain. 
1933 Wiley Post ended his around-the-world flight. He had 
 traveled 15,596 miles in 7 days, 18 hours and 45 minutes. 
1943 American forces led by General George S. Patton captured 
 Palermo, Sicily. 
1975 Confederate General Robert E. Lee had his U.S. citizenship 
 restored by the U.S. Congress. 
1987 The U.S. began its policy of escorting re-flagged Kuwaiti 
 tankers up and down the Persian Gulf to protect them from 
 possible attack by Iran. 
1998 Iran tested medium-range missile, capable of reaching 
 Israel or Saudi Arabia. 
2000 Astronomers at the University of Arizona announced that 
 they had found a 17th moon orbiting Jupiter. 
2003 In northern Iraq, Saddam Hussein's sons Odai and Qusai 
 died after a gunfight with U.S. forces. 
2003 In Paris, France, a fire broke out near the top of the 
 Eiffel Tower. About 4,000 visitors were evacuated and no 
 injuries were reported. 
2009 The longest total solar eclipse of the 21st century, 
 lasting up to 6 minutes and 38.8 seconds, occurred over 
 parts of Asia and the Pacific Ocean. 
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed successfully at Kennedy 
 Space Center after completing STS-135. It was the final 
 flight of NASA's space shuttle program.
2015  smiled.


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Magnifying icons 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, July 21

On Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.



The frantic search by the CIA in Jordan to find a cab driver,
who might have influenced the Chatanooga killer, remind me of
the drunk, who was looking for his key under a street light,
because it was too dark where he dropped it over where his 
car was.

If Abdulazeez had been planning for that long, he would 
have chosen different target locations and killed a lot 
more people. Even the idiotic KKK reject kid in Charleston 
killed more people.

And he most definitely would not have gotten drunk and 
dopey.
That is expressly forbidden in Islam. No ISIS fanatics
would ever even think of doing that. Ever!
DUH!

Most likely, after he was caught on his DIU and was facing 
court, he flipped as the court date got close.
He suddenly remembered his Islamic roots and how his
drinking and dope smoking clashed with that.
 
He realized, that the only way to clear the shame
off his and his family's name was to become a martyr.
So he rented a car, loaded his guns and without any real
planning, went off to become a martyr.

We should be grateful he did not get radicalized in Jordan 
or anywhere. Otherwise he could easily have killed hundreds.
That incident was simply "Chickenshit Suicide By Cop" of a 
religious fanatic. 

No need to hassle cab drivers in Jordan.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Hulking Florida man, who was arrested after he urinated on his pregnant girlfriend Details at Boneheads Today in 1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. --- Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The famous monkey trial today in 1925 reminded me of this: came home from school and mentioned evolution. Dad hit the roof and started screaming that evolution was nonsense. "You migt have descended from an ape!" he yelled, "But I sure didn't!" ______________________________________________________ A small boy was asked by his teacher, "What is the size of the Government?" "About 5 feet 2 inches," he replied promptly. "No, no, no," said the teacher. "I mean, how many members does the Government have? How did you get 5 feet 2 inches anyway?" "Well," replied the boy, "my father is 6 feet tall and every night he puts his hand to his chin and says, "I have had it up to HERE with the Government!" ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Noella for this picture Clicks through to the big picture Juanita K. Hammons Hall ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christian Betts 26, St. Petersburg, Florida
Hulking Florida man was arrested after he urinated on his pregnant girlfriend A hulking McDonald’s employee was arrested yesterday after allegedly urinating on his pregnant girlfriend during an argument in their Florida home. Christian Betts, 26, is locked up on a felony aggravated battery count following his bust by St. Petersburg cops. According to police, the 400-pound, 6’ 8” Betts was arguing with the victim--who is five months pregnant--when he “aimed his penis at her and urinated on her.” Betts then shoved the woman and left their apartment after gathering up some of his belongings. A criminal complaint does not disclose where in the couple's apartment the incident occurred. Seen in the above mug shot, Betts is scheduled this afternoon for a Circuit Court hearing during which a judge could set bail. Betts was released from jail late last night after posting $5000 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maggi Re: Magnifier Dear Webby, Hello, first of all, I thoroughly enjoy your web site. Now the question. I live in a nursing home and across the hall from me is a young lady with MS. I have been trying to help her use her computer which is a nice, new touchscreen Samsung laptop. She has a voice program which works well. The problem is her eyesight. She can't differentiate the icons and can't see the web sites or apps when voice opens them. Is there a program that magnifies the entire screen? It would be wonderful for her to be able to see good enough to enjoy her computer. Thanks for anything help you can offer even if it's a no. Maggi Dear Maggi Have you ever noticed the cutesy little picture I painted in the 90's showing a mouse and a curved arrow over the scroll wheel? Its at the top left of the side menu. That trick, holding down CTRL (or SGRG in Europe) and turning the scroll wheel will work on almost anything. Click on the desktop, and try that. The icons zoom larger if you turn the scroll wheel away from you, or smaller, when you turn it towards you. The same also works in the Humor letter. It zooms not just the fonts but also the pictures. Thry the Hunger Site from the links on the side menu. Many programs also respect that command, for example Open office Write and Calc, and all web sites, that you visit with modern browserrs. The problem with magnification is that you loose the overview. In the long run she will need a large monitor. Check out what 32, 36 or 48 inch monitors cost at your local Costco. They are surprisngly cheap, and they deliver. She might have the money for one, or might be able to get a relative to donate the money. If necessary, check out GoFundMe.com. She might be able to raise enough money in a day. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ Worried that his son was spending too much money on dates, Angus McInnes asked the boy how much his last date had cost. The son calculated a minute then replied, "Oh, about $15 or so I think." "Well," said the Father, "I'm proud of you for finally coming up with an inexpensive evening." "To be honest Dad," the son went on, "we'd have spent more, but that was all the money she had." ______________________________________________________ "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck - his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married." ______________________________________________________ I noticed the neighbor down the street was sitting on his porch all day every every day, so after a few weeks I asked him what was going on. He replied, "I left my job because of illness and fatigue." A few weeks later, his wife gave me the real truth of what happened. Turns out his boss got sick and tired of him. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cake Mix Banana Bread A great way to use up over ripe bananas. Very quick to make. Yield: 2 loaves Ingredients: 1 box yellow cake mix 3 eggs 1/3 cup oil 3-5 mashed bananas (I used 3 very ripe bananas) 1 cup chopped pecans Optional: you could add raisins, craisins or chocolate chips, too. Steps: Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Grease and flour 2 loaf pans. Add the ingredients in the order listed. Add eggs one at a time. Blend well. Pour into the two loaf pans. Bake 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Remove from oven and place on a wire rack for 10 minutes before taking out of the pan. Cool completely on the wire rack. Source: Duncan Hines Website By Judy Pariser S. [17] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ For the second time in a row, Jill was forced to impose on the woman with whom she carpooled to her children's soccer practices. Jill phoned and explained that her husband had the car again, so she wouldn't be able to take her turn. A few minutes before she was due to pick up her son, her husband showed up. Since it was too late for her to call and say she could drive after all, Jill asked her husband to hide the car in the garage and to stay inside. She also explained to her son that he shouldn't mention anything about his father's whereabouts. Unfortunately, her husband forgot and was in front of the house chatting with a friend when her carpool partner arrived. When her son returned from practice, Jill asked him if she had noticed. "Yes," he replied, "she asked me which of the two men in front of the house was my father. But don't worry. I told her I didn't really know for sure." ____________________________________________________
Funny Ballet
____________________________________________________ A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the doctor. "My local General Practitioner." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of dumb and useless advice did he give you?" "He told me to come and see you." ____________________________________________________
Hang on.... just 4 more days until Friday.

Today in 
1831 Belgium became independent as Leopold I was proclaimed 
 King of the Belgians. 
1861 The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began. It was 
 the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. 
 The Confederates won the battle. 
1925 The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T. Scopes 
 was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state prohibition 
 on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The conviction was 
 later overturned on a legal technicality because the judge had 
 set the fine instead of the jury. 
1940 Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the 
 Soviet Union. 
1944 American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 
1954 The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North Vietnam 
 and South Vietnam. 
1958 The last of "Arthur Godfrey’s Talent Scouts" programs 
 aired on CBS-TV. 
1959 A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled that 
 "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 
1961 Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second American 
 to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the Earth. He 
 was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 
1968 Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a million 
 dollars in career earnings after he tied for second place 
 at the PGA Championship. 
1980 Draft registration began in the United States for 
 19 and 20-year-old men. 
1997 The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United States 
 during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power for 
 the first time in 116 years. 
2002 WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection. 
 At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in U.S. history. 
2004 White House officials were briefed on the September 11 
 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded 
 that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings 
 within our government." The report was released to the 
 public the next day. 
2007 The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series, 
 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 
2011 Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center in
 Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle program. 
2015  smiled.


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Automatic save on power failure 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 20

On Thursday, July 23, I have to go to Calgary for
injections into my eyeballs. That means nothing,including
my newsletter, will be sent out for Friday, Saturday and 
Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Florida man, who was arested at Disney for Dine and Dash for the 6th time Details at Boneheads Today in 1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ What I look forward to is continued immaturity followed by death. --- Dave Barry (1947 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young executive is leaving the office one evening when he comes across the company president standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in hand. "Listen," says the president, "this is important, and my secretary has left. Can you make this thing work?" "Certainly," says the young executive. He turns the machine on, and steps back. "Excellent, excellent," says the president as he shoves his stack of papers into the slot. "I need just one copy." ______________________________________________________ Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the most powerful prayin' I ever did was while hangin' upside down from a power pole during a lightning storm." ______________________________________________________ >From Dad Clicks through to the big picture Tough Rose! ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jerry Moody, 51, Orlando, Florida
Florida man was arested at Disney for Dine and Dash for the 6th time Authorities say a man has made Walt Disney World his happiest place on Earth for dining and dashing. Fifty-one-year-old Jerry Moody was arrested Tuesday after the manager of a lounge at Disney's Contemporary Resort says he racked up a $92 bar tab and tried to leave without paying. The Orlando Sentinel says that according to an arrest report, a waitress recognized him as fitting the description of a man who tried to do the same thing at another lounge the previous night. Both lounges are on Disney property but not inside the theme park. Many Disney restaurants and lounges don't require admission fees. Police say Moody acknowledged that he shouldn't be at the resort but told detectives he likes to go to Disney World. Reports show Moody's been arrested on Disney properties five times. He's being held on a $5,100 bond.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Allene Re: Automatic save on power failure Dear Webby, Does my computer automatically save everything if it shuts down due to a power failure? If not, is there a program that will do that? Thanks Allene Dear Allene No, there isn't. Even with laptops, that will keep on running in the dark until their battery runs down, there is no automatic save. It is up to you to either save manually, or tell the programs, that you use, to auto-save every so often. I have set Write and Calc in Open Office to save every five minutes automatically. No matter what happens, there is a safety copy, that is less than five minutes old. You can probably do the same with most other programs too. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife quipped, "but it sure gets awfully crowded in there!" ______________________________________________________ An expectant mother was being rushed to the hospital, but didn't quite make it. Assisted by the cab driver, she gave birth to her baby on the hospital lawn. Later, the father received a bill, listing "Delivery Room Fee: $500." He wrote the hospital and reminded them the baby was born on the front lawn. A week passed, and a corrected bill arrived: "Greens Fee: $200." ______________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'" ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Fruits and Vegetables in a Cool Place Years ago when our family started getting larger, we needed more refrigeration space so I purchased a small dorm type refrigerator without a freezer compartment. It was great for keeping soft drinks and other items cold. When not needed, I cut the temperature down low just to keep it running. I soon discovered that with the temperature at 50-55 degrees F, this refrigerator was great for keeping potatoes, tomatoes, apples, blueberries, onions and even bananas longer. The banana skins do not turn black either. I didn't realize how much difference it did make until I lent it to a friend for 3 weeks while he was having refrigeration problems. Now when family comes home, I don't give up my small refrigerator for keeping extra food in. It's full of fruits and vegetables that taste much better when not kept at real cold temperatures. By Litter Gitter [124] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ From Lindsey Hi Webby, a few years ago you had a joke about a druggist with all kinds of bad luck and a short temper on the phone. Can you please find it and run it again? Lindsey Sure, Lindsay, I remember that one. It's rather long, but priceless: Upon arriving home in eager anticipation of a leisurely evening, the husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully she explained, "It's the Pharmacist, he insulted me terribly this morning on the telephone." Immediately the husband drove downtown to the pharmacy to demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the pharmacist told him, "Now, just a minute - listen to my side of it." "This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I hurried out to the car, but I'll be damned if I didn't lock the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Then, about three blocks from the store I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting in line. One little old lady thought I ws trying to get ahead of her in the line and smashed my glasses with her umbrella. I finally got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing its head off. Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels, the phone is still ringing - when I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer, which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of perfume bottles on it, and half of them hit the floor and broke. The phone is still ringing with no let up, and so, while I was sitting on the floor in a puddle of perfume and broken glass , I answered it. It was your wife - she wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. Well, Mister, I TOLD HER!" ____________________________________________________
Toilet Office prank
____________________________________________________ A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use, on the average, only 15,000 words a day, whereas women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for a while and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He said, "What?" ____________________________________________________
Emily Kinch performs “The Chandelier” at “The World’s Greatest Cabaret.”

Today in 
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of 
 Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on 
 a horse-pulled wagon and presented to U.S. President 
 Thomas Jefferson at the White House. 
1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 
1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed 
 on all cigarette packs was passed. 
1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian 
 province. 
1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since 
 the Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal 
 troops. (Montana) 
1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 
1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary Corps, 
 (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa. 
1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to assassinate 
 Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at Hitler's Rastenburg 
 headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 
1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an unprecedented 
 fourth term of office at the Democratic National Convention 
 in Chicago. 
1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E. Aldrin, Jr. 
became the first men to walk on the moon. 
1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 
1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful 
 landing on Mars. 
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of 
 comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 
1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins 
 and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de 
 Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of 
 Key West, FL. 
1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet 
 Revolution against communism, stepped down as president 
 of Czechoslovakia. 
1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International 
 Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency. 
2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began 
 wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during 
 night work.
2015  smiled.


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Which mouse lasts longer? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 19

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Knife-Wielding Michigan Intruder, who told victim: 'you're going to smoke some weed with me right now!' Details at Boneheads Today in 1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. --- "Fats" Domino "If stupidity got us into this mess, then why can't it get us out?" --- Will Rogers (1879-1935) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, 'Get behind me, Satan!'" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said, 'It looks great from this angle, too.'" ______________________________________________________ Nita's therapist told her the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what she starts. So far today, she has finished 2 bags of chips and a Chocolate cake. She must be feeling better already because her tech support requests slowed down. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seth Lewis, 36, Cadillac, Michigan
Knife-Wielding Michigan Intruder Told Victim: 'You're Going To Smoke Some Weed With Me Right Now!' A man in Cadillac, Michigan, had a shocking wake-up call early Wednesday when a knife-wielding intruder insisted they get high together, police say. The unidentified man was sleeping on his couch around 2:30 a.m. when another man woke him up and allegedly said, "You're going to smoke some weed with me right now," according to Fox 17 news. Cadillac Police Detective Lt. Todd Golnick told The Huffington Post that the intruder was holding a 7-inch blade. According to police, the victim managed the stall the forced pot-smoking until the attacker put the knife down. At that point, the victim grabbed the weapon and ran to the next home, where he banged on the door. Golnick said the neighbor, unaware of what happened next door and fearing his own home was being invaded, called 911. Police were then dispatched to the scene. "It's a little bit confusing, but the officers saw a man carrying a knife walking towards them and thought it was the invader," Golnick said. "But it was the victim, and he quickly explained what had happened in his own house." Fox 17 reports that officers found the alleged intruder behind the victim's residence, where he had fallen down a steep hill. Golnick said Seth Lewis, 36, has been taken into custody as a suspect in the case. Lewis was taken to the Wexford County Jail and booked on charges of home invasion, resisting and obstructing police, as well as violating probation. Along with the knife, police found a marijuana pipe, Golnick told HuffPost. Golnick said it appears the two men were neighbors, but did not know one another. He told the Cadillac News that break-ins where an intruder is intoxicated or just looking for a place to sleep happen a few times a year, but that this one was extreme. "This was different because he was armed and engaged the first person he saw with an extremely bizarre request," he told the paper. "This was extremely random, and we don’t know what was really going on with this guy. He hasn’t cooperated to let us know what his intent really was.”
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lorry Re: Lasting mouse Dear Webby, Which mouse lasts the longest before it needs a new battery? I am going on a drive to relatives in the country and don't want to worry about batteries. Is it OK to charge my laptop from their little gasoline powered generator, or is there a better way? Dear Lorry A Logitech wireless mouse is good for about a year. If you put a couple neww batteries in before you leave, you shouldn't have to worry. For the laptop, yes, a gas generator works OK, as long as it can keep it's rated speed. A better method is to use a Statpower DC > AC inverter, that you plug into the cigarette lighter in a vehicle or connect to a vehicle battery. If your relatives live way out in the country, off the electrical grid, then they probably have a few Solar panels for lights and just use the generator for power tools. If they have Solar panels, then they will have a bank of 12 Volt batteries. You can connect your StatPower inverter to those and the laptop into that. The Statpower produces clean 110 Volt AC, cleaner than you get off the grid at home. I have done that for many years in the Yukon. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ The orthopedic surgeon I work for was moving to a new office, and his staff was helping transport many of the items. I sat the display skeleton in the front of my car, his bony arm across the back of my seat. I hadn't considered the drive across town. At one traffic light, the stares of the people in the car beside me became obvious, and I looked across and explained, "I'm delivering him to my doctor's office." The other driver leaned out of his window. "I hate to tell you, lady," he said, "but I think it's too late!" ______________________________________________________ Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo and pestered his parents for days. Finally his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked as they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy liked it too." exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "You should have seen him when one of the animals came home at 30 to 1 !" ______________________________________________________ "Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Rain-X to Remove Ink from Dryer Use Rain-X X-treme Clean for baked on ink. Put some on a dry cloth and rub for 10 seconds. It removes it easily and without damage to the dryer surface. Clean after with a wet cloth. Soft Scrub may work too, but may be overly abrasive. You can remove the dryer door for easier access. By mokalabs [1] ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ >From Bobby in Tennessee: If English was good enough for Jesus Christ and King James, then it's good enough for me. Statistics show that teen age pregnancy drops off significantly after age 25. The Ark was not metric, and neither are two-by-fours. America is a free country and we are going to keep using Imperial measurements whether the rest of the world likes it or not. ____________________________________________________
405 Airline
____________________________________________________ "A Woman's Dream" A woman was sitting at a bar enjoying an after work cocktail with her girlfriends when a tall, exceptionally handsome and extremely sexy young man entered. He was so striking that the woman could not take her eyes away from him. The young man noticed her overly attentive stare and walked directly toward them. Before she could offer her apologies for being so rude for staring, the young man said to her, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything, that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100, on one condition." Flabbergasted, the woman asked what the condition was. The young man replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The woman considered his proposition for a moment, withdrew from her purse and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which she gladly pressed into the young man's hand. She looked deeply into his eyes and slowly and meaningfully said... "Clean my house." ____________________________________________________
Sand art that must be sad because some in the audience are crying.

Today in 
1525 The Catholic princes of Germany formed the Dessau 
 League to fight against the Reformation. 
1553 Fifteen-year-old Lady Jane Grey was deposed as 
 Queen of England after claiming the crown for nine days. 
 Mary, the daughter of King Henry VIII, was proclaimed 
 Queen. 
1799 The Rosetta Stone, a tablet with hieroglyphic 
 translations into Greek, was found in Egypt. 
1848 The Women's Rights Convention took place in Seneca 
 Fall, NY. Bloomers were introduced at the convention. 
1870 France declared war on Prussia. 
1939 Dr. Roy P. Scholz became the first surgeon to use 
 fiberglass sutures. 
1942 German U-boats were withdrawn from positions off the 
 U.S. Atlantic coast due to effective American 
 anti-submarine countermeasures. 
1943 During World War II, more than 150 B-17 and 112 B-24 
 bombers attacked Rome for the first time. 
1946 Marilyn Monroe acted in her first screen test. 
1975 The Apollo and Soyuz spacecrafts separated after being 
 linked in orbit for two days. 
1979 In Nicaragua, the dictatorship of the Somozas was 
 overthrown by the Sandinista National Liberation Front 
1982 The U.S. Census Bureau reported that 14% of the 
 population had an income below the official poverty level.
1985 George Bell won first place in a biggest feet contest 
 with a shoe size of 28-1/2. Bell, at age 26, stood 
 7 feet 10 inches tall. 
1985 Christa McAuliffe of New Hampshire was chosen to be 
 the first schoolteacher to ride aboard the space shuttle. She 
 died with six others when the Challenger exploded the 
 following year. 
2015  smiled.


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Is a major cyber-attack coming? 



Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 18

Thank you, Ian!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award goes to a Woman, who told police Obama legalized counterfeiting Details at Boneheads Today in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Private houses had been all wood up to then. More of what happened on this day in history at History ______________________________________________________ Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your incredible sense of humor." ______________________________________________________ Linda and Marion were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business. "I started a new practice last year," Linda said. "I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months." "Why in the world would you do that?" Marion asked. "It's the best way I know of to learn which ones I can do without," Linda said. ______________________________________________________ Getty Images is hassling me, demanding an outrageous amount of money for using a picture, that has been posted to a public domain site over four years ago, without any indication, that somebody will demand payment AFTER it has been used. They demand more than I make of the Humor Letter in 3 years. I simply don't have that kind of money. If the Humor Letter suddenly stops, I'll be in jail. So no more pictures except for those taken by my dad or me, or taken and submitted by you. Instead, here is a random picture at Imgur. Random Picture at Imgur Random pictures are of course not carefully selected by me and could be awful, but theoretically should be family safe. ______________________________________________________
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Pamela Downs, 45, Kingsport, Tennessee
Woman Tells Police Obama Legalized Counterfeiting When Pamela Downs was arrested for trying to pass counterfeit money, she supposedly gave the cops what she thought was a reasonable explanation: Obama made it legal. Downs, 45, was arrested after an incident Sunday night when she allegedly gave a gas station employee in Kingsport, Tennessee, a suspicious-looking $5 bill. The arresting officer noted that the curious currency appeared to have been printed on a home printer with two sides glued together, according to RawStory.com. According to police, Downs said she had received the counterfeit cash from a gas station but never inspected it. After she consented to a search of her purse, the officer said he found a fake $100 bill printed in black and white. The back of the bill was upside down, according to the Kingsport Times-News. The police allegedly found receipts from Walmart for a printer and copy paper. At that point, Downs was arrested and charged with counterfeiting, according to the paper. Officers said when Downs was at the jail, she said that she had read online about a law that allowed people on fixed incomes to print their own money. “I don’t give a f**k, all these other ba*****s get to print money, so I can too,” she allegedly told police, according to CBS Washington. Downs was apparently referring to a 2009 article entitled "Obama Wants Citizens to Print Their Own Money" from The Skunk, a news parody website that provides "Tasteless American Satire For The Ill-Informed." Officers who searched Downs' home said they found counterfeit bills totaling between $30,000 to $50,000. Downs is being held at the Sullivan County Jail, with a court date on Thursday. Bail is expected to be high, and in real money.
______________________________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Cyberattack coming Dear Webby, What do you think about all these warnings about a major cyber-attack coming soon and that the hackers stealing all the Government data are only practising and preparing? Thanks Lynn Dear Lynn Half of that practising and preparing is mostly just pranking, people trying to see if they can do it. The other half is selling the data to spammers and scammers. Those spammers and scammers would get extremely uptight if they had paid tens of Millions of dollars for the data, and then some turkey messed up the Internet or the electrical power grid. They need the Internet to make back their investment and to make the expected profit. It is a good idea, though, to back up all important data on a removeable drive or camera chip, just in case something goes wrong with your computer. Have Fun! DearWebby _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A Jewish lady goes into a furniture store owned by a Jewish man. She picks out a lamp she likes and brings it to the counter. She finds out the price is $69.95 and says, "Oy, down the street at Goldstein's these are only $49.95!" The owner asks why she doesn't buy it from Goldstein's, and she says, "Because they just ran out of them." The owner throws up his hands and says, "Ha! When I'm out of them, they're only $41.95! ______________________________________________________ There was an expectant father who had spent quite some time waiting for the offspring to arrive - at his in- laws place. As his leave balance had gone into the red, he tells his father-in-law: "When my son comes, do not call up office and say that I have become a father of a boy, etc. otherwise I'll have to shell out a lot for parties etc. Just tell me that the clock has arrived. This will be our code for the arrival of the baby." The offspring does arrive one day, but it's a daughter. The father-in-law now thinks - "If I tell him that the clock has not arrived, he'll misunderstand that some thing has happened to the baby and come rushing over." So he sends the message - " The clock has arrived, ... one without a pendulum." ______________________________________________________ A feisty 70 year-old woman had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection, the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for the service call. "Service! One hour?" she exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes!" The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call, since it included travelling time. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of service," the lady responded, and she handed him a rake. The repairman spent the next 55 minutes in her yard bagging leaves. ---I guess for the next furnace emergency service call she might as well write to the Government or pray for warm weather. Emergency repair people have long memories and busy schedules. ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prevent Bitter Tea Tea is better if it's made by the sun, bringing water to a boil on the stove creates 'bitter' tea. And sun tea does not necessarily mean that it has to sit in the sun. Tea bags will make tea sitting on the counter or in the fridge, it just takes time. By llpensinger [15] You might get some violent arguments about that from tea fanatics, but when it comes to ice-tea, I agree 100%. It tastes much better when made in the sun in a big old gallon pickle jar. Take the teabags out when it has almost the right color, - it will darken more on it's own-, add a pinch of salt and the juice from a quarter of a lemon, and if you are in the South, a few TBSP of sugar. Sure beats ANY instant ice tea! Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt in confirmation request.
_____________________________________________________ How was your trip to New Jersey?" "Well, a mugger stopped me and said, 'Gimme your money, or I'll blow your brains out.' " "What did you do?" "I told him to go ahead and shoot. He was so shocked, he ran away." "Wow! He told you to give him your money or he'd blow your brains out, and you told him to go ahead and shoot?" "Yeah. You don't need brains to live in New Jersey, but you can't get along without money." ____________________________________________________
Free kitten
____________________________________________________ An IRS agent goes into a synagogue looking for the rabbi. "Rabbi", he says when he sees him," do you know a Mr. Morris Katz?" "Yes, I do," says the rabbi. "Is he a member of your congregation?" asks the agent. "Yes, he is,"says the rabbi. "Did he make the $100,000 donation to the synagogue, that he claims on his tax return?" asks the IRS agent. "I can assure you that he will!" says the rabbi. ____________________________________________________
I love Animusic! The guys who came up with this have quite the imagination and musical talent.

Today in 
0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. Private houses had been all 
 wood up to then.
1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 
1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to 
 back the French Revolution. 
1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace 
 with Russia and Sweden. 
1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 
1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing 
 for secret election ballots. 
1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation 
 division called the Signal Corps. 
1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the 
 St. Lawrence Seaway. 
1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to 
 fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 
1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General 
 Body Company’s factory in Chicago, IL. 
1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led 
 an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 
1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to 
 fly in combat, made its first flight. 
1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle 
 of the hedgerows. 
1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war 
 minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in WWII. 
1971 New Zealand and Australia announced they would pull their 
 troops out of Vietnam. 
2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore 
 train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and 
 virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days.
2015  smiled.


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