Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, August 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Former patient drove home in hot ambulance
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 22, in 
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is
too much trouble to put makeup on two faces.
--- Maureen Murphy

The truth is rarely pure and never simple.
--- Oscar Wilde

Golf is played by twenty million mature American men 
whose wives think they are out having fun. 
--- Jim Bishop
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

April 1, 1996, the Taco Bell Corp. bought full-page ads in
several major newspapers, describing their recent purchase
of the famous “Liberty Bell”, and their plans to move it
from Philadelphia to their headquarters in California, and
to rename it the “Taco Liberty Bell”. The joke sparked
outrage by concerned Americans, who called and wrote to Taco
Bell, as well as the National Historic Park to complain.
One of the funniest moments that day were when the White
House press secretary was asked about the purchase, he
responded saying that the Lincoln Memorial was also sold and
will now be called the “Ford Lincoln Mercury Memorial.”



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room 
of a famous specialist.

"So, who did you see before coming to me?"
asked the doctor.

"My local General Practitioner."

"Your GP?" scoffed the doctor.  "What a waste of time.  
Tell me, what sort of useless nonsense did he con you into?"

"He told me to go and see you."

______________________________________________________

In a hat shop a salesgirl gushed, "That's the hat for you!
It makes you look ten years younger."

"Then I don't want it," retorted the customer. "I certainly
can't afford to put on ten years every time I take off my
hat!"
______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Lisa Carr, 
43,
Cincinnati,
Ohio

Former patient drove home in hot ambulance

After being discharged from an Ohio hospital and missing the
last bus home, a woman stole an ambulance and drove it to
her residence, according to police who nabbed the suspect
last night following a brief, low-speed chase.

Cops say that Lisa Carr, 43, was released from Deaconess
Hospital in Cincinnati around 11 PM Thursday.

Following Carr's discharge, an ambulance driver flagged down
a cop car to report that his vehicle--which he left running
outside the hospital while dropping off a patient--had been
boosted.

Police officers were quickly able to track the ambulance via
its GPS signal and began following the vehicle on what
became a 20-minute trek to Carr’s residence 10 miles from
the hospital. The ambulance never topped 30 mph, according
to a police report.

Seen above, Carr was subsequently taken into custody and
questioned by cops. She reportedly admitted to swiping the
Ford E-450 ambulance, telling officers she "took the vehicle
because she missed the last bus."

Carr was arrested for theft, driving with a suspended
license, and failure to comply with police. She was booked
into the Hamilton County jail early this morning and is
scheduled for a court appearance later today.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Suzanne
RE: Compacting mail
Dear Webby,
Under my Outlook Express email, there's a choice for
'File, Folders, Compact, Compact All Folders'.  Would
you please shed some light on any advantage in 
compacting email folders?
It sounds like something to save space, so is it 
something I should be doing?  
Thanks very much.     
Suzanne
ps: you've got the best newsletter going, I love it, 
every bit, and am faced every day with the difficult 
decision of opening it first or saving it for last.  
Thanks again.

Dear Suzanne
Most email programs compact mail either automatically
or via a command like that. Compacting the mail is
similar to the Defrag you can do to the hard drive.

It's a good idea to compact your mail now and then,
but it's not a top priority.

Your mail sort and find operations are a little bit faster
after compacting.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Our neighbour used the word hypochondriac to describe the 
phase her teen-age daughter was going though.
One day the girl was convinced that the pain on her left
side was appendicitis.

Her mother explained that the appendix is on the right.

"So that's why it hurts to much," her daughter wailed.
"My appendix is on the wrong side."

____[__________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recipe: Fried Green Beans

By Sandi/Poor But Proud [515 Posts, 2,254 Comments]

This turns a can of green beans into a side dish that is
just delish!

Ingredients:
green beans (fresh is better, but if you can't get them, a
can of green beans is fine. I prefer french cut.)
butter or margarine
garlic powder (not garlic salt)
some lemon pepper, and if you like, some Italian seasoning.
Nice touches: Sliced almonds, mushrooms, and/or maybe bread
crumbs

Directions:
I put my seasonings in the frying pan before I heat it, to
keep the holes from clogging up. Then add the butter or
margarine. Simply drain your can of beans and drop them in.
Fry until they are a bit crispy and the seasonings have a
little crackle to them.
I often add sliced almonds and sometimes some canned
mushrooms.

Servings: 1-2

Time:	
2 Minutes Preparation Time
2 Minutes Cooking Time

Source: My daughter Sabrina made a fresh green bean
casserole for Christmas. It was amazing, as she pre-fried
the beans and used half the soup. It was too good to let it
go for just the holidays, so I just modified it. Now, I
can't eat them any other way! They are so good and quick,
too.
By Poor But Proud from Lake Zurich, IL

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Weary of constantly picking clothes up from the floor of her

son's room, a mother finally laid down the law: each item of

clothing she had to pick up would cost her son 25 cents. 

The plan backfired a bit. By the end of the week, he owed
her $1.50. She received the money promptly, along with a 50
cent tip and a note that read, 
"Thanks Mom; keep up the good work."

___________________________________________________

The Copper Clapper Caper

____________________________________________________

There was a mine in a small town that completely collapsed. 
one of the engineers who miraculously survived the disaster
went into the local watering hole. 

The bar was empty except for one lonely soul at the other 
end of the bar. "Hey bartender" said the Engineer, "I'll
have a beer and pour another one for my friend down at the 
end there."

The bartender responded, "I'm sorry sir but that guy's a 
commie and union organizer, and we don't serve his kind 
around here."

"Well, you'd better because if it weren't for that guy, I 
wouldn't be here. You remember when the mine caved ?
Well I was in the mine and so was that guy. When the last of

us were escaping, he held the roof of the mine up with his 
head! So get him a beer and if you don't believe me, look at

the top of his head and you'll see that it's flat from
holding the roof up."

The bartender skeptically served the commie his beer and 
then came back to talk to the Engineer: "I saw the flat spot

on his head but I also couldn't help noticing a big huge
bruise under his chin. What is that all about?"

The engineer responded: "Oh...that's where we put the jack."

____________________________________________________

Chris:  Why did you sell that brand new pressure cooker at
your yard sale?

Brian:  It may look like a pressure cooker to you, but in
the hands of my wife, it's a secret weapon.  
Last Wednesday, she shot a pot roast into outer space!

____________________________________________________




 
Preserved bog bodies.
____________________________________________________




Today on August 22 in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry V II. 

1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
Netherlands. 

1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 

1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there. 

1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III. 

1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 

1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the
English coast to win a trophy that became known as the
America's Cup. 

1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William
Sheppard. 

1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became the first president of the United States to ride in
an automobile. 

1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with
horn cabinet, sold for $200. 

1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 

1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The
painting reappeared two years later in Italy. 

1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its
first TV broadcast in England. 

1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II. 

1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters perform.
It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game. 

1968 Pope Paul VI arrived in Bogota, Colombia, for the start
of the first papal visit to Latin America. 

1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to
withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S.
President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the
same year. 

1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly line
in New Stanton, PA. 

1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late
Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old nuclear
contamination lawsuit. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for
calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the
Persian Gulf. 

1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S.
Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam
Hussein's demand. 

1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the
summer-long cigarette shortage. 

1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the
collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged
the men that had tried to oust him. 

1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out
against foreigners. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
recipients. 

2004 In Oslo, Norway, a version of Edvard Munch's "The
Scream" and his work "Madonna" were stolen from the Munch
Museum. This version of "The Scream," one of four different
versions, was a tempera painting on board. 

2016  smiled.






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How many phone lines do you need for a home business? 
Sunday, August 21, 2016, 07:57 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, August 21

Have FUN!
DearWebby





Back To School Sale!

3 days only!

Start: 8/18/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/21/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


With THIS LINK you get $60 off!


(You don't have to prove that you are going to school)

For USA only: McAfee Total Protection $29.99


Todays Bonehead Award:
Alabama teenager charged in killing, burning of 
85-year-old Korean War vet
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 21, in 
1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John 
Hampton. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Nobody knows the age of the human race, 
but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better.
--- Socratex

"For every ten jokes, thou hast got a hundred enemies."
--- Laurence Sterne
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Overheard in the elevator:
"Oh, I can see how astronomers
figure out the distance of the stars and their size and
temperatures and all that. What really gets me is how they
find out what their names are!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Having lunch one day, a sex therapist said to her friend,
"According to a survey we just completed, ninety percent of
all people play with themselves in the shower. 
Only ten percent of them sing." 

"Really?" 

The therapist nodded. "And do you know what song they sing?" 
The friend shook her head.

The therapist said, "I didn't think so."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Steph for this one:

God said, "Adam, I want you to do something for me."
Adam said, "Gladly, Lord, what do You want me to do?"
God said, "Go down into that valley."
Adam said, "What's a valley?"
God explained it to him.
Then God said, "Cross the river."
Adam said, "What's a river?"
God explained that to him, and then said, "Go over to the hill......."
Adam said, "What is a hill?"
So, God explained to Adam what a hill was.
He told Adam, "On the other side of the hill you will find a cave"
Adam said, "What's a cave?"
After God explained, he said, 
"In the cave you will find a Woman."
Adam said, "What's a woman?"
So God explained that to him, too.
Then, God said, "I want you to reproduce." 
Adam said, "How do I do that?"
God first said (under his breath), "Geez....."
And then, just like everything else, God explained that to 
Adam, as well.
So, Adam goes down into the valley, across the river, 
and over the hill, into the cave, and finds the woman.

Then, in about five hours, he was back.
God, his patience wearing thin, said angrily, 
"What is it now?"

And Adam said, "What's a headache?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Noella for sending this Craigs List clip:



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Thomas Sims,
18,
Birmingham,
AL

Teenager charged in killing, burning of 85-year-old 
Korean War vet

Gene Emory Dacus often sacrificed his own comfort for that
of others.

At the beginning of the 1950s, he was one of many young men
who shipped off to Korea, fighting a war half a world from
his home in Georgia. After the war ended in 1953 and his
three sons — one of whom is disabled — finished school, he
moved with his wife, Earnestine, to Birmingham, Ala., to
care for his grandparents. There, he was embraced by his
neighbors, for whom he often cut the grass — even at 85
years old — to keep the neighborhood looking tidy.

As his neighbor Helen McComb told AL.com, “He’s been here
forever. People here loved Mr. Gene. He was very sweet to
all of the children. He kept our neighborhood clean.”



After his wife passed away in 2005, he cared for his now 60-
year-old disabled son in the house, alone.

“Good man. Uncomparably good man,” Robert Stanley, a
relative, told WBRC.

His son Gary Dacus credits his own success to his father’s
example.

“He taught me good rules and I have a lot of my father in
me,” he told AL.com. “I’m a successful person for that … He
was the most kindhearted gentleman you ever met. He never
met a stranger, and he helped anybody he could.”

On Wednesday, neighbors alerted Stanley, a neighbor and
relative of Dacus’s, that they smelled smoke and saw fire
coming from the back yard of Dacus’s house. They thought
maybe his RV had caught fire, or that someone had set fire
to it — police said witnesses had seen a young black man
running through a nearby alleyway with a red gasoline jug.

Stanley sent his son to investigate.

But the camper wasn’t on fire. What he found was far more
shocking and horrifying.

It was Dacus’s body, in the back yard of the home he lived
in for more than 50 years, engulfed in flames.

“My son was the one that found him,” Stanley told WBRC. “The
neighbors said they thought the camper was on fire. He went
around back to see if the camper was on fire, and it was
Gene.”

McComb, a neighbor, saw Stanley’s son emerge from the yard.

“I could see something burning,” she told AL.com. “Then a
guy ran out yelling somebody had burned up Mr. Gene.”

Dacus was pronounced dead at the scene by Birmingham Fire
and Rescue, WCMH reported.

Video taken by WIAT shows the place where his body was found
— now just a charred black hole starkly contrasting with
the bright green grass surrounding it.

On Thursday, police charged 18-year-old Thomas Sims with
capital murder in the case, meaning that he could
potentially receive the death penalty. He is being held on
no bond, according to AL.com. It is unclear if he has a
lawyer or if he has entered a plea.

Birmingham Police Lt. Sean Edwards told AL.com that it
appears Dacus and Sims got into an argument, before the
teenage doused him with gasoline and lit him on fire.

“It’s disheartening to see someone this young go to this
level of violence,” Edwards said. “To me, what he did to
that elderly gentleman is evil at its finest.”

As police are awaiting autopsy reports, it’s unclear if
Dacus had died before he was burned, but his son Gary hoped
so.

“The only thing I can hope to God for is that he was dead
before he was burned,” Gary told the newspaper. “You expect
your parents to die before you, but to die a horrendous
death like that is unimaginable. My father’s death is a
tragic loss. The community lost one of its pillars.”

In a news conference, Birmingham Police Chief A.C. Roper
said “This homicide shocks the conscience of any reasonable
person. Our hearts are hurting for the victim, his family
and our community. 
The suspect actually confessed to this crime but we
have not received any logical justification to
explain what happened.” 

It looks like Sims demanded the papers for the vehicles he
had stolen and Gene refused to hand them over.

One factor that might point toward a motive is Dacus’s
missing truck.

Three weeks before Dacus’s death, his car was stolen from
his house, and it hasn’t been recovered. He was worried his
pickup truck, a 1999 white Dodge Ram with a blue hood, would
meet the same fate, so he drove it onto his lawn, AL.com
reported.

The truck went missing around the time of his death, though
it’s unclear exactly when. Police are searching for it and
have said the capital murder charge stems from the theft of
the truck. They also are searching for a second suspect.

Sims now awaits court dates in two cases — the previous
unrelated carjacking and now the case relating to Dacus.
Those dates have not been set.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Irene
RE: How many phone lines for a home office?
Dear Webby,
Since most of our business is done over the net or over the
phone, a business consultant told us to dump the downtown 
office and use the commuting time for either the business or
for leisure. There are a number of savings he outlined,
like 
babysitting expenses, fewer phone lines, etc. What is the 
minimum number of phone lines we have to keep ?
Irene

Dear Irene
First, keep the babysitting expenses. How many times have
you hung up on a telemarketer because they left you waiting
while they ran off to stop kids from fighting or setting the

drapes on fire ?

Either take care of the kids, OR the business.
Once kids are a certain age, you can make a deal with them 
that you won't do much murdering and mutilating if they are
perfectly quiet whenever you are on the phone. Until they 
reach that age, it will be much cheaper for your business
and your sanity to pay for babysitting in an area as far as
possible from your soundproof office. 

While this sounds selfish and coldhearted, it is not. As the

bread-winner of the household, it is your responsibility to 
protect your job, no matter where you park your buns. 

If you worked at a bank downtown, you can't bring a herd 
of screaming darlings to work with you either. Having kids 
scream in the background is almost as bad for your business 
as having an AOL or Ho'mail address.

Re phone lines: 
If you have cable VOIP, that is enough.
If you have DSL, one line will be enough.
Without DSL or cable it's a bit trickier.
You might be able to get Emerson Switchboards from Amazon,
but I don't think they are still being made. The popularity
of DSL seems to have put an end to their production.

That means you need one line for dial-up, 
and one line for voice.

There are still a few methods for sharing Dial-Up and Voice,
but I don't know of any, that are good enough to recommend
here. 
Count on needing two lines or getting DSL.
DSL peels off the Internet from the phone line, just like a
TV tuner peels off the cartoon network from all the other
channels on the cable. You can have fast Internet and a
voice number on the same wire, and send faxes out straight
from your computer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the
burglar who had broken into his house the night before.

"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.

"No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into
the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do
that for years!"

____[__________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pork Medallions with Garlic Strawberry Sauce

By Michele [17 Posts, 2 Comments]
I made this for dinner last night, it is very good. Would be
a great meal for company.
Ingredients
1 pork tenderloin (1 lb), cut into 1/2 slices
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 pepper
1/2 cup all purpose flour
2 eggs, beaten
2/3 cup seasoned bread crumbs
1/2 cup butter, divided
2 cups fresh strawberries
1 tsp. garlic minced
1/4 cup hot water
1 tsp. chicken bouillon granules
Sliced fresh strawberries, optional
Directions
Flatten pork to 1/4 inch thickness; sprinkle with salt and
pepper. Place the flour, eggs, and bread crumbs in separate
shallow bowls. Dip pork in the flour, eggs, then bread
crumbs.
In a large skillet over medium heat, cook pork in 1/4 cup
butter until juices run clear; remove and keep warm.
Place strawberries in a food processor. Cover and process
until blended; set aside.
In the same skillet, saute garlic in remaining butter. Add
the pureed strawberries, water and bouillon; heat through.
Serve pork with sauce. Garnish with sliced strawberries if
desired. Yield: 4 servings.
Source: Comes from Taste of Home's Simple and Delicious
magazine, August 2008 issue, pg. 7
By Michele from Western KY

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

A young man wanted to get his beautiful wife something nice 
for their first wedding anniversary. So he decides to buy
her a cell phone.

She is all excited, she loves her phone. He shows her and 
explains to her all the features on the phone.
The next day she goes shopping. Her phone rings and it's her
husband.
"Hi hun," he says, "how do you like your new phone?"

She replies, "I just love it! It's so small and your voice
is clear as a bell but there's one thing I don't understand
though."

"What's that, baby?" asks the husband.

"How did you know I was at Walmart?"

___________________________________________________

Snake, you don't mess with 
a rabbit!

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Gord for this one:
Over dinner, my wife said to me, "I met this horrible and
rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was
a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad

language; he even threatened me!"

"How did you meet this fellow?" I asked, very concerned.

She said, "Well, we met by accident, I knocked him and his
wheelchair over with the car in the parking lot."

____________________________________________________

Bambi, a young cutie sidled up to a guest at the party.  
She had heard him addressed as doctor and now she said 
diffidently, "doctor, may I ask a question?"

"Certainly," he said.

"Lately," said Bambi, "I have been having a funny pain right 
here over the heart..."

The guest interrupted uncomfortably and said, "I'm terribly 
sorry, Bambi, but the truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy."

"Oh," said the blonde, "I'm sorry!"  She turned away,
but then overcome with curiosity, she turned back.
"Just one more question, doctor.  Tell me, what kind
of disease is philosophy?"

____________________________________________________




 
Eight miles of tunnels full of World War I history were just rediscovered.
____________________________________________________




Today on August 21 in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM. 

1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed. 

1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John
Hampton. 

1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 

1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their
partner. 

1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiska. Kiska had
been the last North American foothold held by the Japanese. 

1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that
had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies
during World War II. 

1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower
also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 

1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops
and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist anti-
government protesters. 

1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune
moon called Triton. 

1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was
led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 

1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost
$980 million. 

1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the
largest food recall in U.S. history. 

1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States. 

2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended
his term in office and granted himself powers that included
the right to dissolve parliament. 

2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.

2016  smiled.






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Painting icons 
Saturday, August 20, 2016, 11:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, August 20

Thank you, Evelyn!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby





Back To School Sale!

3 days only!

Start: 8/18/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/21/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


With THIS LINK you get $60 off!


(You don't have to prove that you are going to school)

For USA only: McAfee Total Protection $29.99


Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas couple arrested for abusing 4 year old girl
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 20, in 
1741 - Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered
Alaska.

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The secret of staying young is to live honestly, 
eat slowly, 
and lie about your age.
--- Lucille Ball

Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting.
--- John Russell
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A young man was visiting his brother and sister-in-law and
was surprised to find his young nephew, Timmy, helping them
bake the cupcakes. After they were done, his sister-in-law
allowed Timmy to put the icing on. When he had finished, he
brought them to the table.

"The cupcakes look delicious, Tim." his uncle said.  He took
a bite while looking at the other cupcakes. "Timmy these
are so good."

As he finished one and took another he again complimented
his little nephew. "The cupcakes look beautiful, Tim," his
uncle said. "How did you get them iced so evenly and
smooth?"

And he took a large bite while waiting for the answer.  His 
nephew replied, "I licked them."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






From Trina
I just picked up a copy of People's 100 Most Eligible 
Bachelors...  I've searched cover to cover and I still can't
find the order form.

______________________________________________________

When I attended a convention of oil men, the first speaker 
was from Texas. He rambled on for a good half hour and then
introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. 

The Texan said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas."

The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just
to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can
out-lie a Texan."

______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Clarence Reed, 47 
Jennifer Denen, 30, 
Hot Springs, 
Ark.

Arkansas couple arrested for abusing 4 year old girl

A 4-year-old found beaten and abused said she thought her
name was ‘Idiot,’ according to police

The 4-year-old girl had deep purple bruises, a black eye, a
swollen cheek and a mark on her forehead.

She also had healing scars across her back, dried blood in
the corner of her mouth and ligature marks on her wrist,
authorities said.

When a police officer asked her what her name was, she had a
startling response: “Idiot.”

Her mother’s live-in boyfriend, police said, regularly
called the child “Idiot” instead of using her actual name.
He also zip-tied the girl to her bed as a form of
punishment, according to a police report.

Clarence Reed, 47, and the child’s mother, Jennifer Denen,
30, both of Hot Springs, Ark., are now charged with domestic
battery, permitting abuse of a minor and endangering welfare
of a minor.

Police received a call Friday from the Cooper-Anthony Mercy
Child Advocacy Center, where a staff member told an officer
that a malnourished 4-year-old had been abused in her home.

Reed and Denen, who were at the center when police arrived,
were later arrested.

Denen told police that she had seen her boyfriend strike her
daughter with a plastic bat and said she’d heard Reed
frequently call the child “Idiot.”

She admitted not seeking medical care for her daughter, the
police report said.

Reed told authorities that he hit the child. But instead of
a plastic bat, he told police, he had used a half-inch-thick
wooden paddle, according to the report.

He also admitted zip-tying the child to punish her for
climbing the kitchen cabinets.

And although he said he had called the child “Idiot,” Reed
told police he meant it as a joke.

Cpl. Kirk Zaner, spokesman for the Hot Springs Police
Department, told The Washington Post that a total of six
children lived in the house, all of whom are Denen’s. One,
an 11-month-old, is her only child with Reed.

Zaner said the 4-year-old girl and the 11-month-old are now
in the custody of the Department of Human Services. The four
older siblings are with their biological father.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Calla
RE: Need new icons
Dear Webby,
I need to make a bunch of icons for vision impaired people. 
Yes, I know there are tons of icons hidden in Windows and 
where, but I have to make new ones. What program do you
recommend for that?
Calla

Dear Calla 
Any decent paint program will work, and even indecently
crude ones, as long as you can save a file as .BMP

Before you start painting, make a directory and call it
ICONS.

You can take existing pictures as long as they have lots of 
contrast and not too many details. Shrink them to 32 x 32 
pixels and see if they are still usable. Many pictures
become unrecognizable when you do that. You may have to
increase contrast and replace the background. Work on it in
maximum Zoom and check it at normal size until it looks OK.

Save the icons in BMP format into that ICONS directory.
Once you have them all done, close the paint program and
use Windows Explorer and rename the files to .ICO

Note! You can not do that if the files are still open in the
paint program. You HAVE to close them.

After that, just right-click on an icon that you want to
replace, click on Properties, Change Icon, and browse to the
ICONS directory, choose the right icon and doubleclick it
to
select it. Then hit APPLY and OK and the new icon will show
up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

While I was visiting my sister one evening, I took out a
candy dispenser that was shaped like a miniature person.
"How does that thing work?" she asked.

As I turned the figurine's arm to pop candy out, my sister
laughed.

"I see…just like my husband," she said. "You have to
twist his arm to get anything out of him."

____[__________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fingernails Splitting

I asked my dermatologist, while being checked for skin
cancers, about my soft, splitting and peeling nails. She
said "Its dry nails" and gave me a sample of Elon, which is
a lanolin based cream. It helped, but I bought a tube of
plain old lanolin from the pharmacy for $2.00 that works
just as good and is much cheaper. (01/04/2007)
By Syd's 2¢

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in
love and is going to get married. He says, "Just for
fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over three women and you
try and guess which one I'm going to marry." The mother
agrees.

The next day he brings three beautiful women into the
house and sits them down on the couch and they chat for
a while. He then says, "Ok, Ma. Guess which one I'm
going to marry." She immediately replies, "the red-head
in the middle."

He was surprised that his mother was able to guess the
correct woman, "How do you know?!" The mother replies,
"I don't like her!"

___________________________________________________

Alien - I Will Survive (an 
oldie, but a goodie)

____________________________________________________

From Nancy
After my husband and I had a huge argument, we ended up 
not talking to each other for days.

Finally, on the third day, he asked where one of his shirts
was.

"Oh," I said, "So now you're speaking to me."

He looked confused,
"What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed I haven't spoken to you for three
days?" I challenged.

"No," he said, "I just thought we were getting along."

____________________________________________________

After his usual, lengthy sermon, the minister announced that 
he wished to meet with the church board following the close 
of the service. 

The first man to arrive and greet the minister was a total 
stranger. "You misunderstood my announcement. This is a 
meeting of the board members," explained the minister. 

"I know," said the man, "but if there is anyone here more 
bored than I am, then I'd like to meet him."

____________________________________________________




 
Eight miles of tunnels full of World War I history were just rediscovered.
____________________________________________________




Today on August 20 in
1741 - Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering discovered
Alaska. 

1866 - The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an
eight-hour workday. 

1882 - Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow. 

1885 - "The Mikado", by Gilbert and Sullivan, opened at the
Fifth Avenue Theatre in New York City. 

1914 - German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during
World War I. 

1918 - The British opened its Western Front offensive during
World War I. 

1923 - The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was
launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage
from the same location on September 4. 

1940 - France fell to the Germans during World War II. 

1953 - It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had
detonated a hydrogen bomb. 

1955 - In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed
in anti-French rioting. 

1955 - Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew
to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of
822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet. 

1967 - The New York Times reported about a noise reduction
system for album and tape recording developed by technicians
R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary, Checkmate
Records became the first label to use the new Dolby process
in its recordings. 

1968 - The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
liberalization. 

1977 - Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record
containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of
music and sounds of nature. 

1985 - The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester
Carlson was the man who invented the machine. 

1991 - A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power. 

1997 - NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka
that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian
Serb President Radovan Karadzic. 

1997 - Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the
Soufriere Hills. 

1998 - Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could
not secede without the federal government's consent. 

1998 - U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets were
chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their connection
with Osama bin Laden. 

1998 - The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections. 

2010 - The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after
more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began. 

2016  smiled.






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Revert from W10 to W7 on new DELL 
Friday, August 19, 2016, 09:58 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, August 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby





Back To School Sale!

3 days only!

Start: 8/18/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/21/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


With THIS LINK you get $60 off!


(You don't have to prove that you are going to school)

For USA only: McAfee Total Protection $29.99


Todays Bonehead Award:
2 South Carolina teens murdered Good Samaritan after he
pulled their stuck SUV from ditch
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 19, in 
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia.

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an 
excellent place for it.
--- Russel Lynes

"One ship sails east, another west,
By the self same winds that blow.
It isn't the gales, it's the set of the sails,
That determines the way we go."
--- Ella Wheeler Wilcox
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A Chicago lawyer named George successfully defends a 
major crime lord from charges of dealing drugs,
racketeering, murder, kidnapping, and selling arms.

As he is leaving the courtroom, an indignant old woman grabs

him by the arm. "Young man, where are your Christian
scruples? I believe you would defend Satan himself!"

"I don't know," George says, "what has your kid done this
time ?"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island
for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view,
and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's
attention. 

The boat comes near the island and the sailor gets out and 
greets the stranded man.

After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you

have here?"

"Well, that's my house there."

"What's that next hut?" asks the sailor.

"I built that hut to be my church."

"What about the other hut?"

"Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

______________________________________________________

Sign at the laundromat:

AUTOMATIC WASHING MACHINES
PLEASE REMOVE ALL YOUR CLOTHES 
WHEN THE LIGHT GOES OUT.

-------------
Seems to be a fun place!
Betty-Sue is ready at the light switch.

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Deon Frasier, 17, 
Dupree Taylor, 19
North Charleston
South Carolina

2 South Carolina teens murdered Good Samaritan after he
pulled their stuck SUV from ditch

Two South Carolina teens were arrested on murder charges
Monday after allegedly killing a Good Samaritan who helped
the pair pull their vehicle out of a ditch.

WCSC-TV reported that Deon Frasier, 17, and Michael Dupree-
Taylor, 19, were denied bond Tuesday after they were
arrested at a North Charleston apartment.

According to a North Charleston police affidavit, the two
teens asked the victim, identified as 45-year-old Chadwick
Garrett, to help them pull their 2016 Dodge Durango out of a
ditch. Witnesses told authorities that Garrett agreed to
help the pair with their SUV for $20.

Authorities said that after Garrett helped the pair pull the
vehicle out of the ditch, Garrett asked Frasier and Dupree-
Taylor about the $20 when Frasier took out a gun and
allegedly fired several rounds and struck Garrett in the
chest.

The station, citing the affidavit, reported that Frasier
jumped into the passenger side of the SUV and Dupree-Taylor
was in the driver’s seat as they fled the scene.

Authorities said a female called 911 about 20 minutes after
the shooting about her SUV being used without her
permission. Investigators said the woman accurately
described the vehicle that was used to leave the scene of
the murder and the two suspects who were driving.

According to WCSC-TV, police officers arrived at the
female’s apartment and she told authorities that Frasier and
Dupree-Taylor were inside. Police said there was a brief
standoff, but they surrendered without incident.

Investigators said that Dupree-Taylor had confessed to being
at the scene of the shooting, while the 17 year old Frasier

confessed to being the gunman that shot and killed Garrett,
hoping to be tried as a juvenile.



BLM = Black Lies & Murder
It will be interesting to see what kind of spin the 
libtard media will put on this! 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Diana
RE: Revert from W10 to W7 on new DELL
Dear Webby,
Can you please give me the URL for a site to get rid of 
Windows 10 and install Win 7.  My daughter ordered a 
Dell and it came with Win 10  installed.  I think I once
read In one of your newsletters that there is a way to
uninstall 10 and install 7.  Is that possible?
Thanks for any help you can give.
Diana

Dear Diana
I think your daughter is out of luck.
You can revert to W7 if you moved from there to W10,
-  if you do it within 30 days.
However, if W10 was installed at the DELL factory in China, 
then there is nothing to revert to.

If she has an old W7 machine, she might be able to
use the Laplink PC-Mover to move the old system 
to the new machine.

Tell her to collect the specs from both machines and 
then contact support at laplink. Their free chat is at
http://www
.laplink.com/index.php/contact or use the link further
down and go to Contact there.
They will tell her if it is possible with those particular 
machines.

Most people just install Classic Shell to get
the Windows 7 or even XP user interface. 
It also adds some features, that w ere forgotten in W10 and 
makes W10 as productive as W7. It is free and works even
with the new W10-A version.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

>From Wendy
This morning when I was sitting on a bench next to a
homeless man, I asked him how he ended up this way. 

He said, "Up until last week, I still had it all!!!! I had a
roof over my head, a cook, my clothes were washed and
pressed, I had TV, internet, I went to the gym, the pool,
the library, school if I wanted..." 

I asked him, "What happened? Drugs? Alcohol? Divorce?" 

"Oh no, nothing like that," he said. "No, no.....I got out
of prison." 

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Kitten Chewing on Wires

By Beth [25 Posts, 1,119 Comments]
I put the Bitter Apple on the wires of my lamps and the
kitten decided very quickly they didn't taste good enough to
bother with any more. You can use a damp cotton ball if you
don't want to spray directly.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Three boys are in the school yard bragging about their
fathers. 
The first boy says, "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece
of paper, he calls it a poem, they give him $50."

The second boy says, "That's nothing. My Dad scribbles a few
words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song, they give him
$100."

The third boy says, "I got you both beat. My Dad scribbles a
few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. And it 
takes eight people to collect all the money!"

___________________________________________________

Deconfliction

____________________________________________________

The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war
and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're
opposed to war?"

Not surprisingly, all hands went up.

The teacher asked, "who'll give us the reason for being 
opposed to war?"

A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.

"Johnny?" The teacher said.

"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and 
then we have to memorize the dates for the exam.

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Susanne for this one:
At breakfast one day, I eagerly waited for my husband to
comment on my first attempt at homemade cinnamon rolls.

After several minutes with no reaction, I asked, "If I baked
these commercially, how much do you think I could get for
one of them?"

Without looking up from his paper my husband replied, "About
10 years."

____________________________________________________




 
Incredible art work!  
____________________________________________________




Today on August 19 in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 

1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by the
New York Herald. 

1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of
condensing milk by vacuum. 

1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the
Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 

1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were
arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime
was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 

1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 

1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its
debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll. 

1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in
Germany as Fuehrer. 

1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded
honorary license #1 to Orville Wright. 

1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a
raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered
about 50 percent casualties. 

1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was
convicted of espionage in Moscow. 

1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union. 

1962 Homero Blancas shot a 55 at the Premier Invitational
Golf Tournament held in Longview, TX. It was the lowest
score in U.S. competitive golf history. 

1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus,
U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a
bullet while in the American embassy. 

1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14
fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 

1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail
Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned to
power two days later. 

1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of
Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 

1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to
demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan
Milosevic. 

2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day
at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.

2016  smiled.





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Can you adjust Facebook messenger font size? No 
Thursday, August 18, 2016, 10:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, August 18

Thank you Ian !


For all the ones asking where to get 110 Volt AC irrigation
valves, write to Tom at IPvalves.
He wrote:
The cost on a single #850  1/2" valve   120 VAC solenoid is,

$34.20 each.
sales@ipvalves.com

That way you won't need a transformer. Just get a socekt
outlet like this:

and plug the irrigation valve into that. Whenever the light
comes on, the hose will suddenly drench the trespasser.
Those valves don't turn on gently!

Have FUN!
DearWebby





Back To School Sale!

3 days only!

Start: 8/18/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/21/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


With THIS LINK you get $60 off!


(You don't have to prove that you are going to school)

For USA only: McAfee Total Protection $29.99


Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas Mom Arrested After Children’s Bodies Found Under 
Neighbor’s House and she admitted murdering them
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 17, in 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as 
 the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River 
 on its successful round-trip to Albany. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________
I shall never be ashamed of citing a bad author if the line
is good.
--- Seneca (5 BC - 65 AD)

At the age of eleven or thereabouts women acquire a poise
and an ability to handle difficult situations which a man,
if he is lucky, manages to achieve somewhere in the later
seventies.
--- P. G. Wodehouse (1881 - 1975)

All successful newspapers are ceaselessly querulous and
bellicose. They never defend anyone or anything if they can
help it; if the job is forced on them, they tackle it by
denouncing someone or something else.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)

If you help a relative in need, 
he or she will remember you the
next time they are in need.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in 
the same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70. 


They rode on the elevator together at the end of an 
unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely 
done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior 
was fresh as a daisy. 

"I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen to 
complaining patients from morning 'til night, on a day like 
this, and still look so spry and un-bothered when it's
over?" 

The older analyst replied, "I don't turn on my hearing aid
till 5PM, otherwise the batteries go dead before the evening
is over." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






"Hello," she whispered.

"Hi, Honey.  How's your mother doing?" I asked.

"She's sleeping," she answered, again in a whisper.

"Did she go to the doctor?" I asked.

"Yes.  She got some medicine," my niece said softly.

"Well, don't wake her.  Just tell her I called.  What are
you doing, by the way?"

Again in a soft whisper, she answered, "As soon as I finish
eating, I will be practicing my trumpet."

______________________________________________________

A young, freshly minted lieutenant was sent to Bosnia as 
part of the peace keeping mission. During a briefing on land 
mines, the captain asked for questions.

Our intrepid solder raised his hand and asked, "If we do 
happen to step on a mine, Sir, what do we do?"

"Normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 20 feet in the air
and scatter oneself over a wide area."

______________________________________________________



Homebush Bay, Sydney, Austrailia
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Sheborah Thomas, 
30,
Houston,
Texas

Texas Mom Arrested After Children’s Bodies Found Under 
Neighbor’s House and she admitted murdering them

A Texas community is reeling after police say a Houston
mother admitted to drowning two of her children in a bathtub
and stashing their bodies beneath a neighbor’s home.

Sheborah Thomas, 30, faces two counts of capital murder
after her 7-year-old son and 5-year-old daughter were found
dead Sunday morning, Houston police said.

The children have been identified as Orayln Thomas, 7, and
Kahana Thomas, 5. (Both children’s names have been spelled
differently in various news reports; police would not
confirm the spellings to The Huffington Post.) Thomas also
has a 12-year-old son who has not been harmed, police told
local media.

Thomas allegedly told police that she killed her two younger
children Friday morning and put their bodies, wrapped in
bedsheets, in a trash can behind her house.

The next day, she allegedly tried to bury them near the side
of her house but was unable to dig a hole deep enough.
Police say she then moved the bodies to an area beneath her
neighbor’s home.

A man who knows Thomas reportedly spotted her throwing trash
in a vacant lot near her home on Sunday. Thomas told the
man
that she was moving, and he offered to help her pack, police
told WFAA.

When the man asked Thomas about her children, she allegedly
replied that she killed them, which the man initially took
for a joke. After he asked again and Thomas gave the same
answer, the man drove her to the police station, where
police say she confessed to authorities.

“She was very matter-of-fact in terms of what she stated she
had done,” Kesc Smith, a spokesperson for the Houston
Police
Department, told WFAA.

Kita Thomas-Smith, who identified herself as the children’s
aunt, said the kids’ father is incarcerated and doesn’t yet
know what happened.

“How am I going to tell my brother about his kids?” she 
cried.

Thomas-Smith said she’d previously helped take care of
Thomas’ children and would have done it again if asked.

“I’m just a phone call away,” she said. “I would have come
and got these kids.”

A spokeswoman for Houston’s Child Protective Services
confirmed to the Houston Chronicle that the agency had
previously dealt with Thomas. She declined to provide
details.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: John
RE: Fonts on FaceBook
Dear Webby,
I have only one eye and some times it gets tired ( like the
rest of us). when I am chatting on Facebook is there a way
to increase the size of the type with out increasing the
whole page , Thanks and keep up the good work  Webbys humor
page is first on my list , every morning 
. .John bolin

Dear John
You can't.
With FaceBookou can only zoom the entire page with CTRL and
scrolling the wheel or CTRL and the + or - on the numerical
keypad.
The + or - option is a bit weak and tends to crash FB pages 
occasionally.
Just use CTRL and the mouse scroll wheel.

Yes, I know, that is rather klutzy, but then so is most of
FaceBook with their nailed down and not detachable
messenger, and their childish name restrictions. Even though
I have been DearWebby for 20 years before Facebook, they
make me use the name the cops call me when they nail me for
speeding.

The solution to the font problem in chat is SKYPE.
Like me, Skype has been around for a long time before
FaceBook, and even a generation ago, was never as primitive
as FB Messenger.

Skype is not stuck on a page like a shit stain on a blanket.
You don't need to be on any page, you don't even need to
have a browser open. You can drag the resizeable Skype
window out of the way, even onto the second monitor, if you
use one for work and the other one for communication,
utilities, lookups, etc.

My dad is in a similar situation as you are. He lost one eye
in the mid 60's when an operation to fix a detached retina
didn't work out, and in the other eye, he is restricted to a
small tunnel. And when he was a teacher and prepared some
wood for the kids to work with, he trimmed the fingers on
his left hand down two knuckles with a table saw. His right
arm is frozen at a right angle since a Russian shot off his
elbow when he was in Finland helping them to hold off the
Russians in WWII. So you can imagine, he does not like
typing very much.

With Skype you can, and always could since Day 1, select
fonts, sizes and colors. So he set the font to #16, Arial,
navy. He can read, click on links, and type if he wants to.

He usually doesn't want to. So he clicks on the video button
and we have a nice video chat at noon my time, 8PM his time.
We do that every day for 5 - 15 minutes, and have done that
for about 16 years. Why not? It is free!

So, do yourself a favor and go to http://skype.com 
and move from steerage to First Class!

With Skype you can set the default receiver folder for
received files. There is no limit. If somebody drags a 4
acre picture of their puppydog or grandkid or a new version
of the bible with enlightened commentary and color
illustrations into your chat window, it will wind up in the
folder you designated as the default receiver location.

You can, of course have a family reunion and text or video
chat with a group of people. Or brainstorm for what to do at
the riverside reunion.

The biggest advantege is that it is not a shit-stain like FB
messenger. You can move it around wherever it is not in the
way, and there is no need to have any specific or ANY web
page open. 

Skype is quite civilized, and always has been. And it is
free!

The only part that costs anything is calling landlines and
cellphones of people, who don't have Skype. That costs you a
Euro penny per minute. Yes, I know, Skype has been bought by
Microsoft for 8.2 Billion dollars to prevent Google from
getting it, but because the  Euro is currently worth more
than the Dollar, they charge a Euro penny per minute.
That is about  1.5 US pennies. 

Still no big deal, and the penny is only for calling
landlines or cell phones anywwhere in the world. To Skype
users it is totally free.

The program is free too. Go for it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A couple trying to break into society hosted a dinner party.
As the guests were enjoying their dinner salad, the maid 
called the hostess from the table. The maid informed her 
that the cat had climbed on the kitchen table and eaten a 
large portion of the salmon's midsection.

The hostess decided to quickly drive to the corner store and

get some canned salmon to fill the eaten portion and 
camouflage it with parsley sprigs. 

As the guests were enjoying the fish, the maid called the
hostess into the kitchen again and announced while wringing 
her hands, "Madam, the cat is dead."

The hostess and her husband informed the guests and 
suggested it might be best if everyone went to the hospital 
and had their stomachs pumped.

Returning home, the couple asked the maid where she had 
put the cat. "It is still out on the road where you ran over
it on the way back from the corner store."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Decoupaged Photo on Wood

By Sandy [54 Posts, 44 Comments]

Decoupage is an easy way to place a photo on a wood surface.
Total Time: More than 24 hours

Supplies:
One photo printed on "regular" copy paper. Do NOT use a
photograph printed on anything but copy paper!
wax paper
Martha Stewart Decoupage (There is one for light surfaces
and one for dark surfaces. Choose according to what you are
placing your photo on.)
Rustoleum Ultra Cover Clear Gloss

Steps:
Print out your photo.
Cut photo and lay right side up on wax paper.
Spread decoupage evenly over the surface of the photo.
Turn upside down (decoupage down on wooden surface) If you
use something with a word, take this into consideration!

Wait 24 hours.
Use a sponge and water to wipe off the paper and the photo
will appear.
Spray the clear Rustoeum over the wooden surface.
I would suggest trying this on a scrap piece of wood first.
You will be pleased with the results of even your first
attempt. As you can see, I used a lazy Susan and will be a
welcome gift.



If your local craft store does not
have that or any decoupage glue, you can get it from Amazon.

Keep in mind that pictures will be mirror reversed.
With most paint programs CTRL M mirrors the picture. That
way Aunt Millie's tattoo is readable, Ernie's 7 hairs are
combed from left to right, and your porch did not suddenly
move to the other side of the house.

If you are in a big hurry and can't wait 24 hours, you can
print the picture or sign with a laser printer, iron it on
to transfer the toner, then dissolve and wash away the paper
with warm water. 
When done, dab it dry without rubbing, dry it some more with
a hair dryer, and spray or pour clear sealer on it.

Some people get better results with one method, some with
the other. Try both and see which one works better for you.
Have FUN!
DeaarWebby
 
______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Did you know that dolphins are so intelligent that within 
only a few days of captivity, they can train humans to stand
at the edge of the pool and throw them fish?

___________________________________________________

Turning a junkyard car into a highway demon! (And I complain about my car :) )

____________________________________________________

USER: I'm calling from work. My wife hit the 
stupid telephone pole outside with my truck while
I was online. Ever since then  your @#$% dial-up 
access  has locked me out, and your @#$ dial-up 
access  won't even let me use the regular phone. 
It's not MY fault that the stupid telphone pole 
got hit! When are you going to stop blocking me ?" 

BUZZY: Sorry to hear that. Is your wife OK?

USER: No, I told you she hit the stupid telephone 
pole while I was on-line.

BUZZY: Is the telphone pole OK ?

USER: NO, how many times do I have to tell you 
that my wife hit the stupid telephone pole ?

BUZZY: Looks like you will have to ask the phone 
company to install a smarter telephone pole. 

____________________________________________________

And here is an ancient classic:
A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could
hardly speak. After mass he asked the Monsignor how he had
done. 

The Monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting 
nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the
water glass. If I start to get nervous, I take a sip." 

So next Sunday he took the Monsignors advice.
At the beginning of the sermon, he got nervous and took a
drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to
his office after mass, he found the following note on the
door:
1.   Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2.   There are 10 Commandments, not 12.
3.   There are 12 Disciples, not 10.
4.   Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5.   Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6.   We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J.C.
7.   The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as
Daddy, Junior and the Spook.
8.   David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of
him.
9.   When David was hit by a rock and knocked off his
donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.
10.  We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T"
11.  When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said,
    "Take this and eat it for it is my body.
    He did not say "Eat me."
12.  The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry."
13.  The recommended grace before a meal is not:
    Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the grub, yeah God.
14.  Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at
St. Peter's, not a Peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's.

____________________________________________________




 
12 ridiculous jobs that don't exist anymore.
____________________________________________________




Today on August 18 in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died. 

1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished. 

1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured
Santa Fe, NM. 

1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S.
Congress. 

1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S.
out of World War I. 

1916 Abraham Lincoln's birthplace was made into a national
shrine. 

1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in
Chicago IL. 

1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in
Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later. 

1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the
U.S. and Canada. 

1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan
against possible enemy attacks during World War II. 

1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published. 

1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were
sent back to the U.S. 

1982 The volume on the New York Stock Exchange topped the
100-million level for the first time at 132.69 million
shares traded. 

1982 The longest baseball game played at Wrigley Field in
Chicago, IL, went 21 innings before the Los Angeles Dodgers
defeated the Cubs 2-1. 

1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian
Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow
of an Iraqi oil tanker. 

1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President
Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were
responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively
imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea. 

1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia
Military Institute's 158-year history. 

1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would
acquire the Great American Cookie Co. 

2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game)
where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and
make billion-dollar business deals.

2016  smiled.





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Fill background with logos 
Wednesday, August 17, 2016, 08:23 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, August 17

If you see masked strangers tonight skulking around the
neighborhood with big, bulging (reusable) shopping bags,
don't worry.
This is "Sneak Some Zucchini Onto Your Neighbor's Porch
Week" all over north America.

It is fair game to prank the zuchinators.
You can get motion detector dogs with a really loud and
believable bark, or you can use one of those light bulb
socket outlets to screw into your motion detector light,
and plug in an electric irrigation valve that turns on a
garden hose aimed at the midriff of a zuchinator.

Rememeber to turn it off before you exit to go to work in
the morning!

You can also dig out an old cassette recorder that requires
to be plugged in (-not charged up-). 

Cut the tape and glue it together into a loop. Then record
yourself counting until you get an idea how much time you
got per loop.

Then record something like: "You are on candid camera and
live feed goes to my FaceBook page and is recorded at the
police station."

Set the cassette player to play and jam the play button with
a tooth-pick to be permanently on. When the power comes on,
thanks to the motion detector light, the player plays your
recording over and over until the light goes off after the
Zuchinartor has sprinted away.

The electric water valve setup of course works well at
halloween too. If the electric irrigation valves ($8 - $24)
in your area use 24 Volt AC, a thermostat transformer or any
24 Volt transformer will power them nicely. If you have to
connect it to a power cord, the thin wires go to the power
side, the thick wires go towards the valve.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Conscientious Melbourne burglar called 911 on himself.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 17, in 
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as 
 the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River 
 on its successful round-trip to Albany. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The phrase "action speaks louder than words," is most easily 
proven by a swift kick to the genitals.
--- Devin J. Monroe (1983 - 

My new dress. Do you like it? 
It's from my favorite designer, 
"On Sale." 
--- Rita Rudner
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

At one of the last all girl schools in Dallas years ago, the
instructor in a "Charm Course" was urging her students to
give their escorts every chance to be gallant.  She said,
"Remain seated in the truck until he has had time to step
around and open the door for you."

Then, returning to reality, she added, "But, if the guy is
in the restaurant flirting at the waitress, don't wait any
longer."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Connie called up her electrician. "Didn't you promise to
send someone over to my house yesterday to fix the
doorbell?" she asks.

"I did send one, I sent Judy, the new apprentice," the 
electrician said. "I'm sure of it."

He calls to the back of the shop. "Didn't you go over to 
Washington Street yesterday afternoon to do that doorbell 
job?"

"Yes, sir," was faintly heard. "I was there, and I must have
rung the bell for more than 10 minutes. Nobody answered, 
though, so I figured they were all out."

______________________________________________________

A woman is walking down the street carrying a small box 
with holes punched in the top.
"What's in that box?" a neighbor asks.

"A big cat," the woman says.

"What for?"

"I've been dreaming about mice at night, and I'm scared. 
The cat is to catch them."

"But the mice you dream about are imaginary," her neighbor 
says.

The woman turns to her friend and whispers, 
"So is the cat. Do you think I was crazy enough to lug a 
real cat around all day ?"

______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Zachary Cheek, 
Melbourne,
Floriduh

Conscientious Melbourne burglar called 911 on himself.

A man suspected of turning up at his ex-girlfriend's home
and holding the occupants at gunpoint while under the
influence, apparently decided to phone police to turn
himself in a short while later, reports show.

Zachary Cheek was charged with armed occupied burglary, use
and display of a firearm during a felony, use of a firearm
under the influence of alcohol and aggravated assault with a
firearm after authorities say he called Melbourne police to
report what he had done at a home in the 700 block of Indian
River Drive late Saturday night. Officers arrived within
moments and took Cheek into custody.

Earlier Saturday, police said Cheek turned up at the home
with a loaded 9 mm handgun and simply walked in.

"Apparently he knew the victims. He just walked into the
home and threatened one of the occupants," said Lt. Steve
Sadoff of the Melbourne Police Department. At some point he
left the home, Sadoff said, "he called the police and turned
himself in."

The weapon was also recovered. Police did not release a
motive for the incident.

Cheek is being held at the Brevard County Jail Complex in
Sharpes.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Rob
RE: Fill background with Logos
Dear Webby,
How do I fill a selected area in a drawing with a picture?
I know that sounds confusing, but I want to fill a selected
space with repetitions of the company logo.
Rob

Dear Rob
With Paint Shop Pro that is really easy.
First make a copy of the logo and reduce it to the size that
each of the little repetitions should be. Then use the
selection tool and outline the selection that you want.

Next, open the picture where you want to fill a spot with
the logo. Use the selection tool to outline the to be filled
area. 
Choose the flood-fill bucket, the paintbrush, or the line
tool,
click on the little arrow and select Pattern. 
Rightclick that and select the pattern you want. Your just
selected logo portion will be in the top row. Select that.

Now use that tool in the outlined area in the drawing.
Flood-
fill is good for walls and other large areas.

If you want to make an arrow filled with the logo, then
don't outline the arrow. Use the line tool and select an
arrow for the line style. Set the line width to about right
and try it. If the arrow is too thin, hit CTRL Z to undo,
widen the line and try again.

A road map showing the way to your place is a good example.
Get a road map picture from a map or from mapquest.com,
enlarge it, then select the line, for example arrow at end, 
mode point-to-point, then simply click the intersections
from 
the airport to your place. When you get to your place, hit
CTRL Q to quit inputting points, and the wire-frame line 
changes to a colorful snake with your logo as the skin. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A man went to see his doctor because he was suffering from 
a miserable cold. His doctor prescribed some pills, but they
didn't help.

On his next visit the doctor gave him a shot, but that
didn't do any good.

On his third visit the doctor told the man to go home and
take a hot bath. As soon as he was finished bathing he was
to throw open all the windows and stand in the draft.

"But doc," protested the patient, "if I do that, I'll get
pneumonia."

"I know," said his physician. 
"But I have pneumonia shots that work...."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Rhubarbecue Sauce

By sooz [83 Posts, 71 Comments]
I love this sauce. It can be used with pork, chicken,
spareribs, meatloaf, stews, hamburgers - anywhere you would
use ketchup or barbecue sauce. It will keep in an airtight
container in the refrigerator for about one week and will
keep in the freezer for up to one month. Once you try it
though, I'd be surprised if it lasts that long.
Ingredients:

2 cups chopped rhubarb
1 cup ketchup
1/2 cup water
1 onion, chopped
2 cloves garlic, minced
1/4 cup packed brown sugar
2 Tbsp. Dijon mustard
1 Tbsp. cider vinegar
2 tsp. Worcestershire sauce
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 tsp. hot pepper sauce
Directions:

In a large saucepan, bring all ingredients to a boil. Reduce
heat and simmer, stirring often, until rhubarb is tender,
about 20 minutes. Transfer to blender or food processor;
puree until smooth. Let cool.
Rhubarbecued Pork or Chicken
Ingredients:
4 thick (1/2") pork loin center-cut chops (1 1/2 pounds) or
2 pounds skinless chicken pieces
1/4 tsp. each salt and pepper
rhubarbecue sauce
vegetable oil
Directions:

Sprinkle pork or chicken with salt and pepper. Barbecue or
roast as directed below or until juices run clear when pork
or chicken is pierced and just a hint of pink remains inside
pork. To Barbecue: Place on greased grill over medium heat;
close lid and grill, turning once, for about 10 minutes for
pork or 35 minutes for chicken. Mix 1/2 cup rhubarbecue
sauce with 2 teaspoons oil; brush over pork or chicken
during last 1 to 2 minutes of cooking.
To Oven Barbecue: In a large ovenproof skillet, heat 1
tablespoon oil over medium-high heat; brown pork or chicken,
in batches if necessary. Drain off any fat. Mix 1 cup
rhubarbecue sauce with 1/2 cup water; pour over pork or
chicken. Bake in 375 degree F oven for 20 minutes for pork
or 35 minutes for chicken.
Servings:	4
Time:	5 Minutes Preparation Time
10-35 Minutes Cooking Time
Source: Canadian Living Magazine, May 2002
By sooz from Toronto, ON

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

>From Tanya
I overheard my father telling a family friend about my
newly-assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a 
cutter that escorts cruise ships and international vessels
under the bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my
father told his friend was, "She's involved in some sort of
escort service."

___________________________________________________

don't mess with the cub

____________________________________________________

The following conversation took place one morning between 
a wife and her husband. They were discussing government 
cost cuts that they recently heard about in the paper. 

"Honey," his wife said, while reading the newspaper, "it
looks like the government is going to cut the military
forces. They are going to eliminate an over-aged destroyer."


To which the husband replies, "Sorry to hear that, dear. I'm
sure you'll miss your mother when she's gone."

-------------
That reminds me of the first English speaking girlfriend
I had. I was about 18 then. She was 26 and required at 
least two hours of arguing every night to make her
"headache" go away. 

I sure learned a lot of English! One time, I tried to
jokingly call her "Battle-Axe" but accidentally called her
"Battle-Ship". 

She didn't let me forget that for the 3-4 years that we were

together.

____________________________________________________

>From Sandy
I walked into Dairy Queen the other day and asked
for a hot fudge sundae with extra hot fudge.

The girl replied, "The hot fudge only comes in one
temperature, ma'am."

____________________________________________________




 
What beautiful pottery!
____________________________________________________




Today on August 17 in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as 
 the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River 
 on its successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at 
 the island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack 
 discovering gold on Bonanza Creek in the Yukon. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia 
 University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for an 
 electric ignition device like the ones used in cars for 
 20 years but were never patented. 

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their 
 independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became 
 the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon

 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in 
 Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of
Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight

 crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was 
 carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest
 U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2016  smiled.





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FFA Ads 
Tuesday, August 16, 2016, 09:01 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, August 16

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Philly lobbyist misused welfare grants to pay for line
dancing lessons, political contributions, $250,000 
worth of other "expenses"
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 16, in 
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of 1812. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________
Everyone is as God has made him, 
and oftentimes a great deal worse.
--- Miguel de Cervantes (1547 - 1616)

In journalism, there has always been a tension between
getting it first and getting it right.
--- Ellen Goodman (1941 - )

Nobody is perfect 
until you fall in love with them.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need 
to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly,
and the secretary is not working on stat holidays."

DearWebby: "Is there an error message ? What does it say?"

Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."

DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"

Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel 
inside."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






A preoccupied Croatian businessman drove through city 
streets for 15 minutes before realising he had got into the 
wrong car.

The 50-year-old, from Zagreb, got into what he thought was 
"his" Volkswagen Golf at a car park outside his work.

He had driven miles before he realised some of the familiar 
interior details of his car were missing.

He drove back to the car park where he was confronted 
by police and the angry "owner" of the car he was driving.

Police later confirmed that the man had been able to open 
the car and start the engine because the locks on the 
driver's door and ignition were broken, just like on "his".

The man, who has not been named, claimed he was 
thinking so much about his work that he failed to notice 
he was getting into someone else's car.

Chances are very high that both Volkswagens actually 
belong to people in neighboring countries. In Croatia 
that is normal.

______________________________________________________

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting
anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is
having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the
nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh,
but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because
there may be another one."

Swampy turns a little pale and leaves.

Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he
the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is
another on the way, so call back later."

At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so
he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the
hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived
and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the
bar and orders a double scotch.

Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so
drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded
cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the
recording is still going strong:
"The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the
last one was a duck."

______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Melonease Shaw, 
62,
Philadelphia,
PA

Philly lobbyist misused welfare grants to pay for line
dancing lessons, political contributions, $250,000 
worth of other "expenses"

Health club memberships, political contributions, and $3,000
line-dancing lessons are among the expenses that a well-
connected Philadelphia lobbyist is accused of illegally
charging to a state grant program meant to help welfare
recipients land steady jobs.

Now, Melonease Shaw - who has at times worked as the city's
lobbyist in Harrisburg, and who was, until her arrest,
seeking the job again - faces a court hearing next week on
charges including theft, deceptive business practices, and
tampering with public records.

The case, filed last month by the Attorney General's Office
in district court in Harrisburg, centers on Shaw's work as
president and CEO of the now-defunct nonprofit Transitional
Work Corp.

The organization was founded in 1998 by the state, the city,
and the Pew Charitable Trusts to provide job training and
transitional employment to welfare recipients working their
way off public assistance. Between 2007 and 2011, the year
it shut down, it received $32 million in Department of
Public Welfare grants.

Prosecutors say Shaw, 62, misused more than $250,000 during
that period to purchase items not allowed under the grant.

Neither Shaw nor her lawyer returned calls for comment
Monday.

Shaw has long been a fixture in city Democratic circles.
Since 2007, she has contributed more than $40,000 to party
candidates for city and state offices, and counted State
Rep. Dwight Evans (D., Phila.) and the late School
Superintendent Arlene C. Ackerman as friends.

She has served on transition teams and government committees
for Gov. Wolf and former Gov. Ed Rendell.

Her lobbying and marketing firm, Maven Inc., has counted
SEPTA, Peco Energy, the School District, and SugarHouse
Gaming among its clients, and has received hundreds of
thousands of dollars in state and city money over the years,
including $86,667 in lobbying contracts from the city in
2010 and 2011.

The criminal case filed against her last month had gone
widely unnoticed outside Harrisburg.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Alyssa
RE: FFA Ads
Dear Webby,
In this business seminar I am attending, a lecturer 
recommended that we should take advantage of the Free For 
All classified ads sites on the web and submit to them to
get more traffic. I vaguely remember you mentioning a few
years ago to stay away from those. Has that changed ?
Alyssa

Dear Alyssa
Get your money back and don't go back to those morons, 
EVER. Its people like that who are giving dope a bad name!

Submitting to the FFA classifieds is one of the the most
stupid things one could possibly do. Nobody ever looks at
them, except the spammers who set them up to harvest the 
addresses of the dummies. They know that anybody, who is
THAT dense, will probably buy gas line magnets, instant
mortgages and all kinds of nonsense.

If you do submit, use your mother-in-law's email address,
because the addres you use on FFA classifieds goes straight 
onto all the spammer CD's.

Best is to stay away as far as you can from FFA classifieds,
and from anybody who recommends them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

>From Ed
Playing golf with his buddies, my grandfather had to make a
slick 45-foot, downhill putt.  As he lined it up, he
announced,
"I have a dollar bill that says I can make this putt.  Does
anyone want to bet?"

His three friends eagerly agreed to the wager.  My
grandfather missed the putt by ten feet, and his friends
gathered around to collect their money.  Granddad pulled out
a dollar bill on which he had printed, "I can make this
putt."  

His pals are still trying to collect on the bet; my
grandfather is too.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Soft Scrub for Clean White Shoes

By audrey5682.844 [17 Posts]
To keep your shoes white and clean use Soft Scrub bleach and
an old towel to clean the white parts on the shoe. White
rubber can get dirty really fast so you could do this as
many times as you want, but make sure to clean all the dirt
out of the cracks first so you don't get mud everywhere.
Audrey

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade Marnie that 
she should take out life insurance.
"Suppose your husband were to die," he said,
"What would you get?"

Marnie thought for a while, and then said, 
"Oh, a parrot, I think.  or maybe a kid or two. 
Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."

___________________________________________________

Semis drag racing

____________________________________________________

A college student wrote a letter home: 

Dear folks, 
I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. 
I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another 
hundred, but every cell in my body rebels.  I beg on bended 
knee that you forgive me. 

Your son, Marvin. 

P.S. I felt so terrible that I ran after the mailman, who
picked this up in the box at the corner.  I wanted to take
this letter and burn it.  I prayed that I could get it back.

But it was too late. 

A few days later he received a letter from his father.  It
said, 
"Your prayers were answered. Your letter never came." 

____________________________________________________

The sheriff of a small town was also the town's
veterinarian. One night the phone rang, and his wife
answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband
there?" 

"Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" 
the wife asked. 

"Send both of them!" the caller replied.  
"We can't get our dog's mouth open, 
and there's a burglar in it." 

____________________________________________________




 
Wikimedia Commons picture of the year winners 2016
____________________________________________________




Today on August 16 in
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the
British regulars. 

1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of
1812. 

1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in
Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be
exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 

1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over
operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first
congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 

1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to
U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently
laid trans-Atlantic cable. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states from
trading with the states of the Confederacy. 

1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-
hour workday for its employees. 

1930 The first British Empire Games were held at Hamilton,
Ontario, Canada. The event is now called the British
Commonwealth Games. 

1937 Harvard University became the first school to have
graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 

1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 

1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger.
He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before
opening his parachute over New Mexico. 

1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from
the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 

1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great
Britain. 

1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime
minister by the lower house of parliament. 

2016  smiled.






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How to save or print Chrome Bookmarks 
Monday, August 15, 2016, 08:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, August 15

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman Punches Man Over Movie Chatter Comment
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 15, in 
1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble
Company. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"The most happy marriage I can picture or imagine to
myself would be the union of a deaf man to a blind
woman."
---Samuel Taylor Coleridge
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

One night at McCord Air Force Base, I was dispatched to
check out the security fence where an alarm had gone off.

The fence was at the end of the base runway. When I got to
the scene, I found a raccoon was the culprit, so I ran
around and flapped my arms to scare the animal away.
Suddenly an air-traffic controller came over the public-
address system and announced loudly,
"Attention to the airman at the end of the runway.
You are cleared for takeoff."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Sue told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured 
for fifty-thousand and I want my money."

The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Sue.
Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain
the value of what was insured and what it was worth just
before it burned down, and provide you with a new one of
comparable worth."

There was a long pause before Sue replied, "Then I'd like to
cancel the policy on my husband."

______________________________________________________

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several
night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a
Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a
conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university
education."

______________________________________________________



Here, Kitty, Kitty!
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

LaQuintae Taborn, 
34, 
Portage,
Indiana

Woman Punches Man over Movie Chatter Comment

An Indiana woman is facing a battery charge after allegedly
slugging a fellow moviegoer in the face after he complained
about her talking through the entirety of a showing of
“Suicide Squad.”

According to police, LaQuintae Taborn, 34, and William Mason
were exiting a theater in Portage early Sunday morning when
the confrontation occurred. Cops say that Mason told Taborn,
“I just wanted to thank you for talking through the entire
movie and ruining it for everyone.”

Taborn, a Gary resident, responded by first shoving Mason
and then punching him twice in the face, police allege.
Mason, whose glasses were knocked off, declined medical
assistance and told cops that he did not wish to press
charges.

A probable cause affidavit notes that Mason suffered “pain,
swelling, and watering of the eye.”

During police questioning, Taborn reportedly said that she
pushed the man when he got close to her. As for the punches,
Taborn explained that she hit the man in anticipation of him
retaliating for her pushing him.

Police arrested Taborn on a misdemeanor battery charge and
booked her into the county jail (where the above mug shot
was snapped).

Taborn was released from custody yesterday after posting
$800 bond. She is scheduled for an initial hearing tomorrow
in Porter County Superior Court. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Julie
RE: Save Bookmarks in Chrome
Dear Webby,
Some time ago you gave me instructions on how to save and
print out one's list of Chrome bookmarks. I loaned that
sheet to my hubby and it's disappeared.
 
Could you please send that again? I love your newsletter.
Sincerely, Julie

Dear Julie
So he disappeared? Hmmm
Oh, just the instructions, OK.

Hit Ctrl Shift O
Click the Organize menu and select Export bookmarks to HTML
file.

Save that to a place, that you can remember and find again.
Now you can edit it, or print it, or even send it to
somebody.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

There's this cathedral that's still being worked on,
and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside
so they can get material up and down to the upper
floors.

A characteristic of these 'cage elevators' is that the
doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be
'called' to another floor.

One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes
the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently
needed on the first floor by the sexton.

Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open.

After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times,
to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift
back down.

Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight:

The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling
to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATES!!!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Quick and Easy Crepes for Kids

By Judy = Oklahoma [60 Posts, 750 Comments]
When I was a Cub Scout leader, we made these often. They
were such a big hit, that most of the boys asked for the
recipe so they could make them at home, and my own boys did
too. They are versatile and fun to make. It's good
coordination practice for little ones, who are thrilled to
be able to make their own snack or dessert, and it keeps
them busy for a while! The adults like them too! We still
like to make them even now that my boys are older.

The base is pre-made crepes that I usually find in the
fruit/vegetable section of the store. The kids also like
burrito-size tortillas. Sit the kids around the table with a
crepe on a paper plate or sheet of wax paper. On the table,
set out some bowls with pre-cut bite-size fruit such as
bananas and strawberries, or whatever you like. Each kid
gets an open container of pre-made individual pudding and a
plastic spoon.

Show them how to spoon the pudding into the center of the
crepe/tortilla and spread it out a little, (as if they were
making a burrito) without touching the sides. Remember you
are going to be adding fruit, so they don't want to use the
whole container of pudding or it will be an oozy mess (which
some kids like). You can actually split one container of
pudding between 2 kids, but I found they'd rather eat what
doesn't go in the crepe or make a second one!

Once the pudding is spread (and fingers are licked), let the
kids choose their fillings from the prepared fruit. They
will lay this over the pudding, be careful they don't put
too much or it won't fold. Now, show them how to fold and
roll this like a burrito - then let them eat their
creations! YUM!

Note: Room temperature crepes are easier to fold than
tortillas, which tend to split. They will all split and leak
if over-filled, but kids don't seem to mind the mess!
Fillings are very versatile. Chocolate or vanilla pudding
with sliced bananas and/or strawberries are the biggest hit,
especially with picky eaters. The only limit is your
imagination, what you are willing to eat, and how healthy
you want it to be. Other fillings can include chocolate
chips, nuts, coconut, whipped cream, chocolate syrup, etc. 

A decadent, delicious version is a crepe layered with
vanilla pudding, sliced strawberries and bananas, nuts, and
chocolate syrup with a spoonful of whipped cream to dip the
crepe into - banana split crepe!

If you don't know how to roll a crepe/burrito, here are some
instructions. This one shows to leave one end open,which
works with this dessert. But you can also fold over both
ends before you roll, if you are going to make ahead and
don't want the filling to fall out:
http://mexicanfood.about.com/od/techniques/ht/
burritofolding.htm

Source: Learned at a training class for Cub Scout leaders
many years ago
By lyonpridej from Oklahoma

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

During an arctic training exercise in Alaska an early fall
cold snap played havoc with vehicles and equipment. One
harassed battery commander was trying to cope with vehicles
that wouldn't run and machinery that wouldn't work. He was
wondering what else could go wrong when the door flew open
and a soldier rushed in and announced, 
"Hey, captain, the northern lights are out!

Exasperated and without looking, the captain barked, 
"Well, don't tell me! Go get the generator mechanic and have
him fix the dang things!"

___________________________________________________

Paulette Huntinova on the 
balance beam - funny

____________________________________________________

"Nancy, for heaven's sake, why can't you just talk to me
once in awhile?" whined Jordan

"Huh?" Nancy responded.

"Look around you! he yells as he points around the room. 
"All these books. Your head is always buried in books.
You don't even know I'm alive!"

"Oh.  I'm sorry."

"You know sometimes I wish I were a book! 
Then you'd at least look at me!"

"Hmmm," Nancy mumbled in deep thought, "that's not a bad
idea. Then I could take you to the library every few days
and exchange you for something more interesting...."

____________________________________________________

A psychologist is someone who watches everyone else when
a beautiful girl enters the room.
--------
So do most women. 

____________________________________________________




 
Swedish explorers find a jar Of 340-year-old cheese on a shipwreck.  I don't think I would 
want to eat it though. 

____________________________________________________




Today on August 15 in
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of
King Duncan. 

1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 

1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph
Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word,
"hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy"
when answering the telephone. 

1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble
Company. 

1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial
traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the
Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal
was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. 

1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were
severed. 

1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane
crash in near Point Barrow, AK. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." 

1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in
both unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department
awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 

1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern
France. 

1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed
to surrender unconditionally. 

1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British about 200 years. 

1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 

1948 CBS-TV inaugurated the first nightly news broadcast
with anchorman Douglas Edwards. 

1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate
Bridge was performed for the first time. 

1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin
Wall. 

1970 Mrs. Pat Palinkas became the first woman to ‘play’ in a
pro football game when she held the ball for the Orlando,
FL, Panthers. 

1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on
wages, rents and prices. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic
sanctions against South Africa. The ban included the
importing of steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce
from South Africa. 

1994 The U.S. Social Security Administration became an
independent government agency. It had been a part of the
Department of Health and Human Services agency. 

1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute
FBI officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge
siege in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged
cover-up. 

2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South
Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had not
seen for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans
visited the North. 

2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar
system outside our own. They had discovered two planets
orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 

2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola
Mobility for $12.5 billion. 

2016  smiled.






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Spell check for Windows 10 
Sunday, August 14, 2016, 09:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, August 14

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Two Naked Women Out For An Evening Swim Busted 
After One Kicked Cop In The Groin
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 14, in 
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Bonanza Creek in the Yukon. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________
"Next to power without honor, the most dangerous thing
in the world is power without humor."
--- Eric Sevareid (1912-1992)

Enjoy present pleasures in such a way 
as not to injure future one. 
--- Seneca

The only normal people are the ones you 
don't know very well.
--- Joe Ancis

Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
--- Fran Lebowitz

Oh, really?
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking
really down in the dumps.  "What's the matter?" Bill asked. 

"I don't get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so
confusing. There are so many dam people you have to please. 
Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but
her
father hated me.  Then there was this other woman, both of
her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me.  And
then there was this woman I met last night.  She absolutely
loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, but her
husband couldn't stand me!" 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the 
woman wanted to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I 
noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.

"Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.

"No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come 
shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing 
I could do to him."

______________________________________________________

A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which
had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he
took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the
hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of
learnin' are you teachin'?"

"Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at
the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic."

"What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith...
what did you say?"

"'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in
geometry, algebra and trigonometry."

"Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. 
"That's what my boy needs.
He's the worst darn shot in the family."

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Kadie Naumann,
23,
Kyla Cole,
32,
Myrtle Beach,
South Carolina

Two Naked Women Out For An Evening Swim Busted 
After One Kicked Cop In The Groin

These South Carolina women are facing indecent exposure
charges after a late-night skinny dipping session went
sideways, police report.

Responding to an 11 PM noise complaint Monday, cops found
Naumann, 23, and Cole, 32, “completely nude” at the swimming
pool of an apartment complex near Myrtle Beach.

The women, guests of a resident, “did not have bathing suits
with them so they decided to swim in the nude,” according
to a Horry County Police Department report. The duo and 
two friends, police noted, appeared “highly intoxicated.”

As cops sought to do a warrants check on the quartet,
Naumann (seen above, at left) and Cole began to walk away,
ignoring a police demand to remain in place. Naumann then
became belligerent and allegedly delivered a “mule kick” to
a male cop’s genitals.

Both women were then arrested for indecent exposure, a
misdemeanor. Naumann was also charged with assaulting a
police officer. Naumann and Cole were released from jail
Tuesday afternoon upon posting bond ($5000 for Naumann,
$2500 for Cole).

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
RE: Spell Check for Windows 10
Dear Webby,
I have windows 10 now and how do I get spell checker to work?
Frank

Dear Frank
1) Use Windows key + I keyboard shortcut to open Settings. 
2) Navigate to Devices and go to Typing.
3) Under Spelling, switch the Autocorrect misspelled words OFF
4) and Highlight misspelled words to the ON position. 

The AutoCorrect is a big nuisance an d most people turn it off.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Autocorrect gone wrong 

A man received the following text from his neighbor: 

I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have 
to confess. 
I have been 'tapping' your wife, day and night when you're 
not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at 
home, but that's no excuse. 

I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will 
accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't 
happen again.
 
The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, 
grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and 
killed her.
 
A few moments later, a second text came in:   
"Damn 'autocorrect'.         
I meant 'WIFI', not 'wife'.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Natural Mosquito Repellent with Limes and Cloves

By Robyn [392 Posts, 776 Comments]

Slice a lime in half and press many cloves all around and on
the lime half. When you scatter these around where you are
going to eat outside, then it will keep the mosquitoes away.
This is also supposed to be useful when put near windows
and
doors in repelling most pests.
I found this on facebook when one of my friends posted it
and put it on my page.
We hit them on their head just over
the right eye with a baseball bat or roling pin. That gives
them a headache and they don't come back.



______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

A lady is having a bad day at the roulette tables in Las
Vegas.
She's down to her last $50.  Exasperated, she exclaims, 
"What rotten luck!  What in the world should I do now?"

A man standing next to her, trying to calm her down,
suggests, 
"I   don't know...  Why don't you play your age?"

He walks away.  Moments later, his attention is grabbed by 
a great commotion at the roulette table.  Maybe, she won!  

He rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the 
crowd.  The lady is lying limp on the floor, with the table 
operator kneeling over her.

The man is stunned.  He asks, "What happened?  Is she 
all right?"

The operator replies, "I don't know.  
She put all her money on 29.
Then when 36 came up, she just fainted!"

___________________________________________________

mongolian throat singing

____________________________________________________

Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home
at this time of the night?"

Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear."

Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!"

Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs."

____________________________________________________

Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to
be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment
and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial
from running its proper course.

But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet
calm, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to
serve on the jury.

"Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against
her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."

"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I
could be wrong about capital punishment after all."

____________________________________________________




 
I want one of these trees!

____________________________________________________




Today on August 14 in

1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from
New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the
island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in
Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Bonanza Creek in the Yukon. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. 

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and
British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the
first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of
Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight
crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was
carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1996 Ross Perot was announced to be the Reform Party's
presidential candidate. It was the party's first-ever
candidate. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest
U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public. 

2016  smiled.






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Detail View default 
Saturday, August 13, 2016, 10:35 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, August 13

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:


Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 13, in 



More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Men stumble over the truth from time to time, 
but most pick themselves up and hurry off 
as if nothing had happened. 
--- Winston Churchill 

Its amazing what you can accomplish 
if you do not care who gets the credit. 
--- Harry S. Truman 

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Laura fell for her handsome new dentist like a ton of bricks
and pretty soon had lured him into a series of passionate
encounters in the dental clinic after hours.

But one day he said sadly, "Laura, honey, we have to stop
seeing each other like this. Your husband's bound to get 
suspicious."

"No way, sweetie, he's dumb as a post," she assured him.
"Besides, we've been messing around for six months now
and he doesn't suspect a thing."

"True," agreed the dentist, "but you're down to one
tooth.....!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Thanks to Connie for this joke: 
Betty-Sue went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked 
for glasses. The doctor directed her to read various letters
with the left eye while covering the right eye. 

Betty-Sue was so mixed up on which eye was which, that the 
eye doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see 
through, covered up the appropriate eye and asked her to 
read the letters. 

When he turned the paper sack to the other eye, he noticed 
that Betty-Sue had tears streaming down her face. 

"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get emotional
about getting glasses. Lots of people wear glasses. I do
too!" 

"I know," agreed Betty-Sue, "But I kind of had my heart set 
on wire frames, not paper."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Gayle for this one:
Students in an advanced biology class were taking a mid
term. The last question, worth 70 points or none at all was:

 
Name seven advantages of mother's milk. 
 
The student in question had also partied the night before,
and was hard 
put to think of 7 advantages. He wrote: 
 
1. It is a perfect formula for the child. 
2. It provides immunity against several diseases. 
3. It is always available as needed. 
4. It is always at the right temperature 
5. It is inexpensive. 
6. It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa. 
 
And then, the student was stuck. Finally, just before the
bell rang 
indicating the end of the test was over, he wrote: 
 
7. It comes in cute and handy containers. 
 
He was the only student to ace (100%) the exam 

______________________________________________________



From FB

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Emma Wiley, 
19,
Salem,
Massachusetts

Woman, 19, Bit Off Female Cop's Ear Following 
Brawl Outside Massachusetts Bar

The 19-year-old collegian allegedly bit off the ear of a
female cop who was trying to get her into a police cruiser
following a brawl early Sunday outside a Massachusetts bar.

According to a Salem Police Department report, officers
responding to a 911 call about a fight in progress, found
Wiley tangling with another woman as a crowd of more than
100 people milled about.

Wiley, cops noted, had a fist full of the other combatant’s
hair and was trying to throw her foe to the ground. Pictured
above from her FB page, Wiley was also “screaming and
screechuing totally out of control.”

After officers separated the pair and began escorting Wiley
to a squad car, the teenager --who studies criminal justice
at Salem State University-- yelled, “I’ll fucking kill you
all. Don’t fucking touch me!”

As police struggled to get Wiley inside a cruiser, she
lunged at the face of Officer Jessica Rondinelli, a rookie
cop who has been on the job barely a month. Wiley, cops
charge, “grabbed a hold of Officer Rondinelli’s right ear in
her teeth and refused to let go.”  Rondinelli yelled, "She
has my ear!"

Wiley released her bite when Rondinelli, 27, gouged her in
the eye in the way you defend yourself against alligators.
“She bit my ear off,” Rondinelli told fellow officers. The
cop’s right ear was bleeding and had a “jagged chunk missing
from the top of it,” according to the report.

As Rondinelli was rushed to a local hospital, Wiley
threatened to have “every one of us cops killed,” an
investigator noted.

Officers subsequently found a piece of Rondinelli’s ear in
the rear compartment of the car used to transport Wiley to
the Salem police station. An officer “quickly put the piece
in a plastic bag” and brought it to the hospital where
Rondinelli was being treated. But Rondinelli was informed by
a doctor that, “due to the risk of infection, the nature in
which her ear had been disfigured, it was unlikely that
attaching a bitten off piece was possible and her ear was
going to be permanently marred.”

Wiley, a Marblehead resident, was charged with an assortment
of crimes, including mayhem, aggravated assault, assault and
battery on a police officer, and making threats to kill.

The teenager yesterday pleaded not guilty to the charges and
was ordered held without bail by a District Court judge. In
arguing for Wiley’s detention, a prosecutor stated that
Rondinelli had been “forever maimed” by the defendant.

In addition, MacKenzie noted that Wiley had a long history
of interactions with police in Marblehead, where is from,
though thanks to good lawyers, she has no prior criminal
charges. 

Mark Barry, Wiley's attorney, said that she is a sophomore
at Salem State University and that she suffers from
depression, anxiety and obsessive-compulsive disorder, for
which she takes medications, The Salem News reported. 
'This is a 19-year-old woman who was over-served at a bar,'
Barry told the judge. 'It's the bar's fault.'

Outside of court, Barry said that his client was using a
fake Rhode Island license to be admitted into the bar where
she was served five or six mixed drinks. The report does not
state how drunk she was when she got to the bar.

Wiley will remain in police custody for a minimum of 120
days and has a probable cause hearing scheduled for August
30. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Dave
RE: Detail View
Dear Webby,
Sometime ago, before I was the victim of a virus attack, I
remember a tip to maintain a a 'details' view in a folder. 
Is there a global setting which will always keep a 'details'
view in any folder? I really look forward to these tips! 
Thanks for all - jokes, pictures and especially the tips.
Dave

Dear Dave

ALT V
D

will do the trick.
However, keep in mind that after about 30-40 viewings,
Windows goes senile and fergets. Then you just hit that key 
combination again.

There is a longwinded way to do the same in the registry,
but it's not worth the hassle.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A new hair salon opened up for business right across the 
street from the old established hair cutters' place.
They put up a big bold sign which read:
"WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!"

Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own
sign:
"WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Plant Matchsticks with Peppers

By Judy Pariser S. [138 Posts, 134 Comments]
If you put a couple of matchsticks in the hole before you
put your pepper plant in, you will be providing the plant
with phosphorus, and you will get a more robust plant.


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Thanks to Steph for this one:
Several years ago, I returned home from a trip just when a 
storm hit with crashing thunder and severe lightning. As I
came into my bedroom about 2 a.m., I found my two children
in bed with my wife, apparently scared by the loud storm. 

I resigned myself to sleep in the guest bedroom that night. 

The next day,I talked to the children, and explained that it

was O.K. to sleep with Mom when the storm was bad, but 
when I was expected home, please don't sleep with Mom
that night. 

They said OK. After my next trip several weeks later, my 
wife and the children picked me up in the terminal at the 
appointed time. Since the plane was late, there were 
hundreds of other folks waiting for their arriving
passengers. 

As I entered the waiting area, my son saw me, and came
running shouting, "Hi,Dad! I've got some good news!" 

As I waved back, I said loudly,

"What's the good news?" 

"Nobody slept with Mommy while you were away this time!" 
Alex shouted. 

The airport became very quiet.

___________________________________________________

mind reading card trick

____________________________________________________

"What's the use of having a train schedule if the trains are
always late?" complained an irate passenger to the railroad
engineer. 

"If we didn't have a schedule," replied the engineer, you 
would not know how many minutes we are late."

____________________________________________________

Two husbands were discussing their married lives.  Although
happily married, they admitted that there were arguments
sometimes.  Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."

"Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?"

"It's easy," replied Chad.  
"My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "

____________________________________________________




 
Lets take a cruise on the worlds largest passenger ship. It would take me a whole week just to look at everything on the ship! 

____________________________________________________




Today on August 13
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 

1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the
Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and
Austrian forces. 

1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal
family and imprisoned them. 

1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time in Los
Angeles, CA. 

1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii was
ratified. 

1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to
William Gray. 

1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to St.
Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was dedicated
in Elk City, OK. 

1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-
chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to hold out "for
all or nothing." 

1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in
newspapers. 

1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a
plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a
steel car. Nobody bought it.

1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge. 

1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-
way telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 

1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the
flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall
began. 

1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and
other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 

1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his
three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993. 

1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the
risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.

2016  smiled.






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Alternate color cursor 
Friday, August 12, 2016, 10:14 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, August 12
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
34 Year Old Victorville Woman Convicted for 
Scamming 78 Year Old Man out of a quarter Million bucks
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 12, in 
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"To escape criticism--do nothing, say nothing, be nothing."
--- Elbert Hubbard

"Criticism comes easier than craftsmanship."
--- Zeuxis (~400 B.C.)

"The people who gave us golf and called it a game 
are the same people who gave us bag pipes 
and called it music."
--- TV "Silk Stalkings"
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A young boy comes running down the street looking for
a cop. He finds one and then begs, "Please, officer,
come back to the bar with me, my father's in a fight."

Well, they get back to the bar and there's three guys
fighting like you wouldn't believe. After a while the
cop turns to the kid and says, "Okay, which one's your
father?"

The kid looks up at the cop and says, "I don't know
officer, that's what they're fighting about."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Talking about athelics... 
Why Athletes Can't (Shouldn't) Have Real Jobs

1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role
model: "I wan' all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to
me. I wan' all the kids to copulate me."

2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the 
upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, 
whichever comes first."

3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the 'Skins say: "I'd run
over my own mother to win the Super Bowl, "Matt Millen of
the Raiders said: "To win,I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his
coach, John Jenkins: "He treats us like men. He lets us wear
earrings."

5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 
1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A
genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh:
"I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it
takes." 

7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys
line up alphabetically by height." And, "You guys pair up in
groups of three, and then line up in a circle."

8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison:
"Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to
prison for three years, not Princeton."

9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why
he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: "That's
so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my
clothes."

10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan
training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: "He's a guy
who gets up at six o'clock in the morning regardless of what
time it is."

11. Chuck Nevitt, North Carolina State basketball player, 
explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at 
practice: "My sister's expecting a baby, and I don't know if
I'm going to be an uncle or an aunt." 

12. Frank Layden, Utah Jazz president, on a former player:
"I told him, 'Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or
apathy?' He said, 'Coach,I don't know and I don't care.'"

13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M,
recounting what he told a player who received four F's and
one D: "Son, looks to me like you're spending too much time
on one subject."

14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when
asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road
trips, Phillips responded: "Because she is too damn ugly to
kiss good-bye."

______________________________________________________

"Doctor, My husband thinks he is a chicken."

"Oh no - how long has this been going on?"

"About a year!"

"A year! Why did you wait so long to come see me?"

"Well, we needed the eggs."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jim for this picture:


From Jim

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Shirley Chrissy Urick, 
34,
Victorville,
California

34 Year Old Victorville Woman Convicted for 
Scamming 78 Year Old Man

A conviction was obtained for a Victorville woman who
swindled $200,000 from an elderly man in 2013. Shirley
Chrissy Urick, 34, met the victim, a 78-year-old man, in a
grocery store parking lot in the summer of 2013. She
befriended him and told him her name was Gina Lee. With a
series of clever lies, she convinced him she was in urgent
need of money and would pay him back. This led to 16 months
of "loans" from the victim to Urick. The victim even paid
some of her living expenses. Urick was arrested in January,
2016. Deputy District Attorney Elena Abramson of the Elder
Abuse Section prosecuted the case. Urick may receive up to
eight years in state prison when she is sentenced on August
23. A 34-year-old woman was found guilty Tuesday of stealing
more than $200,000 from an elderly man in a sweetheart
scam, the Los Angeles County District Attorney's Office
announced.

Shirley Chrissy Urick, of Victorville, was convicted of
three counts of theft from an elder, and jurors also found
two excessive loss allegations to be true as well. Deputy
District Attorney Elena Abramson of the Elder Abuse Section
prosecuted the case. In July 2013, Urick met the 78-year-old
victim in a grocery store parking lot and befriended him.
Using the fake name "Gina Lee," Urick told him a series of
lies, saying she needed money and would pay him back. Over
the next 16 months, the victim loaned Urick tens of
thousands of dollars and also paid for some of her living
expenses. After an investigation by the Los Angeles Police
Department's Topanga Division, Urick was arrested in
January. Urick is scheduled to be sentenced on Aug. 25 and
faces up to eight years in state prison.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Pennie
RE: Cursor Color
Dear Webby,
How do I change the  cursor color? 
I have Windows 10.
Pennie

Dear Pennie
Hit START
Control Panel
Ease of Access
"Make the mousie  easier to see"
In there hit the radio button beside "Large Inverting"
That gives you a white cursor when it is on something black,
a black cursor when it is on somthing white, a yello
cursor, when it is on something blue, and so on. It
automatically inverts the color to make it easier to see.

Try to avoid the "Extra Large inverting cursor". That one
seems to be a bit buggy and slow. 
"Large Inverting" works well.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A class in sex education was about to begin, and each
student had to bring in a permission slip in order to
take it. A boy handed in his slip and explained to the
teacher, "My mom says I can take the course 
as long as there's no homework."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Plant Matchsticks with Peppers

By Judy Pariser S. [138 Posts, 134 Comments]
If you put a couple of matchsticks in the hole before you
put your pepper plant in, you will be providing the plant
with phosphorus, and you will get a more robust plant.


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Judy hurries into the emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off. 

"How did this happen?" the emergency room doctor asked her. 
"Well, I was trying to commit suicide," Judy replied. 

"What?" sputtered the doctor. "You tried to commit suicide
by shooting your finger off?" 

"No, Silly!" Judy said. "First I put the gun to my chest,
and I thought: I just paid $3,000.00 for these breast
implants, I'm not shooting myself in the chest." 

"So then?" asked the doctor. 

"Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought: I just paid 
$3000.00 to get my teeth straightened, I'm not shooting
myself in the mouth." 

"So then?" 

"Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: This is going
to make a loud noise. So I put my finger in the other ear
before I pulled the trigger." 

___________________________________________________

tractor square dance

____________________________________________________

The doctor, who had been seeing an 80-year-old woman for
most of her life, finally retired.   
   
At her next checkup, the new doctor told her to bring a list

of all the medicines that had been prescribed for her.   
   
As the young doctor was looking through these, his eyes grew

wide as he realized she has a prescription for birth control
pills.   
  
"Mrs. Smith, do you realize these are BIRTH CONTROL
pills?!?"   
   
"Yes, they help me sleep at night."   
  
"Mrs. Smith, I assure you there is absolutely NOTHING in
these that  could possibly help you sleep!"   
   
She reached out and patted the young Doctor's knee. 

"Yes, dear, I know that.  But every morning, I grind one up
and mix it in the glass of orange juice that my 16 year old
granddaughter drinks... 
And believe me, it helps me sleep at night!"

____________________________________________________

One day Fran took her 5-year-old son with her to visit her
friend, who worked in my office. Everyone here knew Fran,
and just like any visitor, she was offered a cup of coffee.

That day, as one of the employees went to make more coffee, 
Fran's son followed her and asked, "What are you doing?"

"I'm making your mom's favorite drink," she answered.

Imagine the surprise, and laughter when we heard her son
say, "Wow! You know how to make moonshine ?"

____________________________________________________




 
What an ingenious idea!  A puzzle book, you have to solve the puzzle before you can open the next page to read. 

____________________________________________________




Today on August 12
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of
Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and
the Europeans lasted for two years. 

1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine. 

1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister. 

1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the
first sound recording. 

1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 

1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was
first published. 

1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August
15th. 

1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen
bomb. 

1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S.
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications
satellite. 

1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launched a day
before, both landed on August 15. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test. 

1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 

1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an
effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have
been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 

1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 

1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981. 

1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims. 

1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target
that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 

2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-
man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 

2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco
earlier in the year. 

2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 

2016  smiled.






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Mouse driver PopUp 
Thursday, August 11, 2016, 09:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, August 11

Thank you, Cindy!!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Ohio man jailed after raping 3-year old girl
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 11, in 
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an
American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"Be anchored to some ideal, philosophy or cause 
that keeps you too excited to sleep."
-- Brian Koslow

"English is a language where double negatives 
are a no-no."
--- Alfred E. Neuman
   
(Except in 'Bama. In 'Bama that ain't not wrong.)

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

In the subway train the conversation turned to the merits
and demerits of various ways of preserving health.

One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the
subject. "Look at me!" he said.  "Never a day's sickness in
my life, and all due to simple food.  Why, gentlemen," he
continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived
an absolutely simple regular life --- no effeminate
delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances.  Every day, in
fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine
o'clock and up again at five in the morning.  I worked from
eight to one, then had dinner --a plain dinner, mark my
words! After that, an hour's exercise; then.."

"Excuse me, sir," interrupted the facetious stranger in the 
corner, "but what were you in prison for that long ???"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Little Johnny walks up to his Aunt Betty-Sue and says,
"My Gosh, Aunt Betty-Sue, why are you so darn ugly?"

His mother overheard this and pulled Johnny into the
kitchen. and screamed, "how could you say to your aunt
Betty-Sue is so darn ugly!"

"Because she is," said Little Johnny.

His mother said, "You go back in there and apologise
to her, right now! I mean it, you tell her you're sorry!"

Little Johnny goes into the living room, walked over to
his aunt and said, "Aunt Betty-Sue, I am sorry you're so
darn ugly."

______________________________________________________

A minister, on Sunday morning, was preaching with a small 
microphone around his neck attached to long power cord 
that allowed him to move around. 

During the course of his sermon, he would go in circles and
walk all around the pulpit area. As he moved around, he was 
continuously jerking on the power cord to lengthen it or 
straighten it out. 

After a while, one little boy who had been watching the 
minister very closely, turned and whispered to his mother, 
"If he gets loose, who is going to catch him?"

______________________________________________________



From FB

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Charles Sadler, 
34,
Columbus,
Ohio

Ohio man jailed after raping 3-year old girl

A man is in jail after a woman saw him raping a 3-year-old
in a garage and intervened to stop him, WSYX reports.

Charles Sadler, 34, was arrested last Friday on multiple
sexual assault charges after police say he raped a girl he
was babysitting.

According to police, a woman was driving when she saw Sadler
raping the child in an abandoned garage on the west side of
Columbus.

The witness called 911 and followed him for several blocks
until police were able to catch up and arrest Sadler.
Emergency personnel took the child to the hospital.

The suspect’s family, who was home at the time of the
alleged incident, told WSYX they thought Sadler was “passed
out drunk somewhere.” They also said they are “grateful” the
Good Samaritan called 911.

Sadler is in the Franklin County Jail in lieu of a $200,000
bond.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Sona
RE: Mouse driver
Dear Webby,
I got a pop-up that claimed my mouse driver was out of date
and needed updating. Thanks to your preaching I was
suspicious about that, and did not click on it. I got out of
that with ALT-F4 and rebooted. What is the story, and what
should I do about it?
Sona

Dear Sona
Good that you did not click on that! That pop-up carries a
very wicked trojan.

Either the site you were browsing or our computer is
infected. 
Run Spybot-Search&Destroy and a reputable anti-malware
program like Malwarebytes.

If they don't find anything, then the attack was from the
site you were on. Some sites are cluttered with ads, hoping
you would be impatient and a bit careless as you hurry on
trying to get past some silly ad, and that you would click
on an ad about driver updates or stuff like that. 

Try to avoid that site or if you have to go there, be very
careful and precise with your mouse.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

An airline captain was breaking in a very pretty new
stewardess. The route they were flying had a stay-over in
another city. Upon their arrival the captain showed the
stewardess the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop
and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for
the day's route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing.
He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her
up wondering what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said she couldn't get
out of her room.

"You can't get out of your room?" the captain asked, 
"Why not?"

The stewardess replied, "There are only three doors in
here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, 
and one has a sign on it that says 'Do Not Disturb'!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Diesel Smell on Dog's Paws

By Linda [1 Post, 82 Comments]
Use original liquid Dawn dish detergent. Mix with water,
then rinse. Repeat until removed.
I place clothing items in the washer, usually with "cold"
water and let it soak. Sometimes my husbands work clothes
get any of the fuel, diesel, kerosene spilled on them. I
prefer to soak overnight, then empty the tub and just wash
normally. Seems to be working fine for me. I started doing
this cause I remembered the oil spills being cleaned up with
Dawn.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

A rich Texan was showing a visitor his backyard.  
The guest asked, "But why three swimming pools?"

"It's simple," the Texam explained. "One is a hot water
pool and the second a cold water one."  

"And the third one is empty," exclaimed the visitor.  

"Why shore," said the Texan.
"That one is for friends who can't swim!"

___________________________________________________

Matrix Ping-Pong

____________________________________________________

"Armstrong," the boss bellowed, "I happen to know that the
reason you didn't come to work yesterday was that you were
out playing golf! What do you have to say for yourself?"

"That's a rotten lie!" Armstrong protested. "And I have the
fish to prove it!"

____________________________________________________

It was the end of the day when a cop parked his police
van in front of the station. As he gathered his equipment,
his K-9 partner was barking and he saw a little boy
staring in at him.

"Is that a dog you got back there?" the boy asked.

"It sure is," he replied.

Puzzled, the boy looked at him and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, "What did he do?"

____________________________________________________




 
Summer edition of People are Awesome!

____________________________________________________




Today on August 11
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 

1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S.
Parmelee. 

1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an
American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 

1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light
bulb socket with a pull-chain. 

1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever use
the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 

1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time. 

1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill. 

1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 

1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A
formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist
Vietminh. 

1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched on
a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space.


1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test. 

1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and
South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council
had already refused to consider South Korea's application. 

1984 Carl Lewis won his fourth gold medal in the 1984 Summer
Olympics. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just
signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We
begin bombing in five minutes." 

1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 

1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey
by landing safely. 

1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was
the largest shopping mall in the United States. 

1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the
1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President
Clinton. 

1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-
item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in
spending and tax bills. 

1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with
the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest
foreign takeover of a U.S. company. 

2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 

2002 Jason Priestly crashed his car during practice for a
race in the Infiniti Pro Series. He suffered a spinal
fracture, a moderate concussion, a broken nose, facial
lacerations and broken bones in both feet. 

2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 

2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.

2016  smiled.






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Clicking on public serviced ads 
Wednesday, August 10, 2016, 07:02 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, August 10

Thank you, Maude

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Teen stabbed caterer to death in Va. park
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 10, in 
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours and
5 minutes. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________
We learn something every day, and lots of times it's 
that what we learned the day before was wrong.
--- Bill Vaughan

Always forgive your enemies - 
nothing annoys them so much.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)

Plato had slaves...George Washington had slaves... 
So, do I feel intrinsically better than these two men? 
Of course I do! They're dead!
--- Todd Andrew Reid
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Q: How can you tell if a Redneck is Working in your Office?
A: The monitor is up on blocks.

----------
Put the computer up on blocks!
It will suck a lot fewer dust bunnies into it's innards and
run a lot cooler.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Two Irishmen are walking along. One says to the other,
"What a beautiful night Mick, just look at dat moon."

Mick stops and looks at his friend. "You're wrong Paddy, 
dat's not the moon, dat's the sun."

They began to argue when they come upon another Irishmen.

"Excuse us sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what's dat ting up in the sky shining. Is it the
moon or the sun?"

"Sorry fellas, I don't live around here."

______________________________________________________

Everybody's heard of the Air Force's ultra-high-security,
super-secret base in Nevada, known simply as "Area 51?"

Late one afternoon, the Air Force folks out at Area 51 were
very surprised to see a Cessna landing at their "secret"
base. They immediately impounded the aircraft and hauled the
pilot into an interrogation room.

The pilot's story was that he took off from Vegas, got lost,
and spotted the Base just as he was about to run out of
fuel. The Air Force started a full FBI background check on
the pilot and held him overnight during the investigation.

By the next day, they were finally convinced that the pilot
really was lost and wasn't a spy.  They gassed up his air-
plane, gave him a terrifying "you-did-not-see-a-base"
briefing, complete with threats of spending the rest of his
life in prison, told him Vegas was that-a-way on such-and-
such a heading, and sent him on his way.

The next day, to the total disbelief of the Air Force, the
same Cessna showed up again. Once again, the MP's 
surrounded the plane...only this time there were two 
people inside.

The same pilot jumped out and said, "Do anything you want to
me, but my wife is in the plane and she demands that you
tell her where I was last night!"

-------------
They are a lot less uptight about Area 51 nowadays.
If you want to go there, take I-15 North from Las Vegas,
take a left onto Extraterrestrial Highway (#93), and take
Road 51 left of that. When you see the long air strip, you
are getting close to the gate and probably are on candid
camera. As long as you don't go past the gate, they don't
hassle you.

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lillemor for this pictrue from Sweden:



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Kempton A. Bonds, 
19,
Clifton, 
Maryland

Teen stabbed caterer to death in Va. park

Fairfax County Police charged a 19-year-old with the murder
of a chef who was catering a wedding at the Ellanor C.
Lawrence Park Saturday night.

Kempton A. Bonds, 19, of Clifton, Maryland, is now facing
second-degree murder.

At approximately 10:50 p.m., police say Bonds had an
argument with 35-year-old Tyonne D. Johns, a self-employed
chef.

A police spokesperson tells WUSA9 the first argument started
over noise but calmed down. Then an argument started again,
this time over chairs. Only this time around, things
escalated. Bonds stabbed the 35-year-old chef multiple times
in the torso with a knife, according to police.

Medical staff pronounced the 35-year-old dead at a nearby
hospital. Police recovered the knife on scene but did not
say what type or where it came from.

“Too much wickedness in the world today. We need love. Let's
just love one another, 'cause that's the only way we're
going to keep her alive. It's the love,” said Seymone Spence
crying. Spence tells WUSA9 she and her partner were there
Saturday and described the victim as one of her best
friends.

Spence tells WUSA9 Bonds seemed wound-up and believes this
could have been a crime motived by hate.


Tyonne D. Johns

“He had no respect for us. The way he talked to us, the way
he tried to dictate everything around us was just wrong,”
she told WUSA9. Spence and her partner prayed and cried with
friends at the church Johns also attended, the Empowerment
Liberation Cathedral. It’s an inclusive church located in
Silver Spring, MD.

"Always there to hug you, love you and it's just going to be
very difficult 'cause we're so used to seeing her on
Sunday,” said a Deacon of the church, Manuel Lawery-Perez.

The church’s Bishop also knew the victim well. She tells
WUSA9 Johns had turned to her and the church family as she
was turning her life around to become a professional chef.

"Very passionate about her business trying to make sure that
she was making a difference,” said Bishop Allyson Abrams.

Police are looking into whether the 19-year-old suspect had
any trouble on the job. Police are asking witnesses to come
forward. Officials believe a pocket knife possibly on the
suspect's body was used. 

A police spokesperson says Bonds had been working as a
seasonal Facility Attendant with Fairfax County Parks
Authority for a little over a year, since July 2015.

The friends Bonds was supposed to room with in college this
semester, attended a Sunday news conference. They used the
word ‘frustrated’ after in an interview with reporters. "I
feel like this extremely out of character for him. As of
right now though, I feel not inclined to jump to any sort of
conclusions right now,” said one of those friends.

“Chairs took my friends life. She ordered chairs and was
just trying to get them back on the truck and he thought she
was taking his chairs,” Spence cried out, angry and upset
there is not a First Degree Murder charge.

Bonds is currently being held without bond on the Second
Degree Murder charge. The Parks Authority terminated him
immediately after the incident. 

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Bonnie
RE: Clicking on public service ads
Dear Webby,
Could you explain how clicking on an advertiser's website
pays for whomever carries it?  I click every day on the 4
on your right hand side plus others that I access every day
and hope it's really doing good wherever I go.  Thanks!
Bonnie in Candia, NH

Dear Bonnie
When you click on the Mammogram link or feed the pets or
meal for a homeless vet, you go to a site with another click
invitation. 
It does not cost you anything, and nobody tracks you.

Those sites have all kinds of ads. The advertisers pay those
sites a bit for the ad exposure, and if you buy something,
they get a few bucks. Altogether, their efforts and your
click work out to a meal for a homeless vet, or feeding a
shelter animal, or contributing towards a mammogram for a
woman, who can't afford one.

By just clicking and gawking a bit at the ads there, you can
actually feed somebody or help someone!

The ad there about "Bonnie, Please Feed Dear Webby!"
works differently. That started as a  joke suggested by a
subscriber. You can use that link, though, to click me a
dollar or two via PayPal if you have more money in your
PayPal account than you think you should have.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Thanks to Gayle for this one:
There was an old lady wandering around the supermarket 
calling out, "Crisco, Crisssssssco!"
Soon a store clerk approached. "Madam, the Crisco is in 
aisle D."

The old lady replied, "Oh, I'm not looking for the cooking
stuff, I'm calling my husband."

"Your husband's name is Crisco?" The old lady answered, 

"Oh, no, no, no. I only call him that when we're out in
public."

"Well, what do you call him when you're at home?"

"Lardass"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Get Gas Smell on Suede Boot

Try putting boot and a lot of newspaper in a plastic storage
box with a tight fitting lid. The newspaper should absorb
the smell. Help it along by adding a fridge box of baking
soda to the plastic box,
Cheers.
Tammi (01/27/2005)

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case
which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was
flustered and at her wit's end.

At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened
up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods."

___________________________________________________

Hallelujah Chorus, Alaskan style

____________________________________________________

God looks down and notices that Adam is all alone while 
all the animals have companions, so he decides to create a 
companion for man as well.

He comes to see Adam and says to him, "Adam, you are 
my greatest creation and therefore, I am going to create 
for you the ultimate companion. She will worship the very 
ground you walk on, she will long for you and no other, she 
will be highly intelligent, she will wait on you hand and
foot and obey your every command, she will be beautiful, and
all it will cost you is an arm and a leg."

Thinking for a few moments, Adam replies, 
"What could I get for a rib?"

____________________________________________________

During Joe's freshman year at East Texas State University 
in Commerce, he worked nights as a waiter. The following 
year, wanting his evenings free, he applied for a dormitory 
maintenance job and was asked, "How are you on punctuality?" 

"Oh, I'm good at that," he blurted out. "I'm an English major."

____________________________________________________




 
Summer edition of People are Awesome!

____________________________________________________




Today on August 10
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during
the French Revolution. He was executed the following January
after being put on trial for treason. 

1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 

1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by $500,000
given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 

1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were
appointed. 

1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B.
Brown. 

1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical
Exhibition. 

1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 

1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia after Russia sided with
jSerbia and declared war on Austria. 

1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 

1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 

1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam. 

1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan
announced they would surrender. The only condition was that
the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 

1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours and
5 minutes. 

1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original
title was "Candid Microphone." 

1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by
the U.S. government during World War II. 

1993 A massive deficit-reduction bill was signed into law by
U.S. President Bill Clinton. 

1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had
joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 

1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter
jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people
were killed. 

2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri
Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles
above the earth in the international space station. It was
the first-ever marriage from space. 

2016  smiled.






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Too small fonts on FaceBook 
Tuesday, August 9, 2016, 10:17 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, August 9

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Bonehead arrested for trading dope for 
pictures and sex with 14 year old girl.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 9, in

 1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The
bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima.
About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August
14. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light with the
possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special
laws.
--- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)

"Love is that condition in which the happiness
of another person is essential to your own"
--- Robert A. Heinlein

"Whoever could make two ears of corn ... 
grow upon a spot of ground 
where only one grew before, 
would deserve better of mankind .. 
than the whole race of politicians put together."
--- Jonathan Swift (1667-1745)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Ross for these:
Science Exam Answers
***********************************
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and ketchup.
***********************************
Q: Explain one of the processes by which  water can be 
made safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, deep sheep and canoeists.
***********************************
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
***********************************
Q: What are steroids?
A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.
***********************************
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get 
  intercontinental.
***********************************
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and  looks forward 
   to his adultery.
 ***********************************
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
***********************************
Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?
  (e.g., abdomen).
A: The body is consisted into three parts --   the
  brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. 
  The brainium contains the brain, the borax contains 
  the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity
  contains the five bowels, A,E,I,O and U.
***********************************
Q: What is the fibula?
 A: A small lie.
***********************************
Q: What does "varicose" mean?
A: Nearby.
***********************************
Q: Give the meaning of the term  "Caesarean Section"
A: The Caesarean Section is the red light district in Rome.
***********************************
Q: What does the word "benign" mean?
A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






A minister waited in line to have his car filled with gas
just before a long holiday weekend. The attendant worked
quickly, but there were many cars ahead of him in front of
the service station. Finally, the attendant motioned him
toward a vacant pump.

"Reverend," said the young man, "sorry about the delay. It 
seems as if everyone waits until the last minute to get
ready for a long trip." 

The minister chuckled, "I know what you mean. It's the same
in my racket."

______________________________________________________

Elizabeth was nervous as she took the wheel 
for her first driving lesson. As she was pulling out of the
parking lot, the instructor said, "Turn left here, and don't
forget to let the people behind you know what you're
doing."

Elizabeth turned to the students sitting in the backseat and
announced, "I'm going left."

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Joshua Ryan Williams, 
26,
Gainesville, 
Florida

Florida Bonehead arrested for trading dope for 
pictures and sex with 14 year old girl.

Since April, a 26-year-old Gainesville man has been swapping
marijuana for nude pictures and videos of a teenage girl in
Florahome, according to an arrest report.

Joshua Ryan Williams, of 4143 NW Seventh St., began texting
and calling the girl, then 14, asking her to send him images
of her nude, the Gainesville Police report said. In
exchange, he would drive to her Putnam County home and give
her marijuana.

On several occasions when Williams went to see the girl, the
report said, he had her perform a sex act on him. He told
police that he knew the girl was a teenager.

Williams was arrested Thursday on five felony charges
involving child pornography, cruelty toward a child and
drugs. He was being held Friday in the Alachua County jail
on $425,000 bond.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Fred
RE: Small fonts on FB
Dear Webby,
I don't know how it has happen on my face book but every
thing is in such tiny letter's Can you help me get it back
to normal size. Thank you very much.
Fred

Dear Fred
Hold down the CTRL key and roll the mouse scroll wheel
away from you. That increases the zoom, text and pictures.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Subject: Socrates 

Keep this in mind the next time you either hear or are about
to 
repeat a rumor!   
In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known 
for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an 
acquaintance who said excitedly: 
"Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your 
students?" 

Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me
anything I'd like you to pass a little test.  It's called
the Triple Filter Test. 

"Triple filter?" 

"That's right," Socrates continued "Before you talk to me
about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment
and filter what you're going to say.

The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure
that what you are about to tell me is true?" 

No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..." 

"All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if
it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the
filter of Goodness.   
Is what you are about to tell me about my student something 
good?" 

"No, on the contrary ..." .

"So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad
about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still
pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the
filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my
student going to be useful to me?" 

"No, not really." 

"Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is
neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at
all?"

This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held
in such high esteem. 

It also explains why he never found out that Plato was
messing with his wife.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Lush Recipe

This layered lemon flavored dessert is so delicious you will
be looking for special occasions at which to serve it. This
is a guide about lemon lush recipes.



By Linda [5 Posts, 32 Comments]
5 found this helpful
This dessert is a crowd pleaser.

Ingredients:
1 cup plain flour
1 stick margarine, melted
2 Tbsp. sugar
1 cup nuts, chopped
1 (8 oz.) cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar
1 large carton of Cool Whip
2 boxes Jello instant lemon pudding
2 cups milk
dried shredded coconut or grated sweet chocolate
 
Directions:
Mix flour, butter, sugar, and nuts. Press into a 9x13 inch
Pyrex dish or 9x15 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees F until
brown. Cool. This is your first layer.

Beat together cream cheese and powdered sugar. Fold in half
of a large carton of Cool Whip. Spread on crust. This is
your second layer.

Mix the two boxes of Jello instant lemon pudding with 2 cups
of milk. Spread over 2nd layer. Refrigerate until pudding
sets.
Spread remainder of Cool Whip on top. Sprinkle with coconut
or grated sweet chocolate.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

An Irishman's wife calls the doctor, stating that her 
husband has taken ill. The doctor asks if she had 
taken his temperature; she replied that she hadn't but 
would and then call back.

When she hadn't called within a half hour, the doctor 
called and asked her what had happened. She said, 
"Well, I didn't have a thermometer, so I put a 
barometer on his chest and it said dry,
so I gave him a pint of beer and he went off to work!"

___________________________________________________

tough truckers

____________________________________________________

Morris goes to visit his cardiologist in follow up after 
his life threatening heart attack. 
The doctor explains to Morris that he would be able to 
resume his active sex life as soon as he could climb three 
flights of stairs without becoming winded. 
Morris listens attentively and then says,"I haven't been
able to walk 3 flights of stairs without getting winded
since high school. Guess I'll have to stick to women who
live on the ground floor."

____________________________________________________

A man was showing his friend a new set of matching golf 
clubs he had just bought.

"Doctor's orders," the man told his friend. "My wife and I 
have been gaining too much weight and we went to see the 
doctor about it. He said we needed more exercise, so I 
joined the country club and bought myself this set of golf 
clubs."

"What did you buy your wife?" the friend asked.

The man said, "A new matching bicycle and lawn mower."

____________________________________________________




 
The earliest known versions of everyday items.

____________________________________________________




Today on August 9
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American
flag around the world. 

1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first
trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 

1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton
Treaty, which solved a border dispute. 

1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 

1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 

1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 

1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way
telegraph. 

1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing
machine. 

1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer. 

1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in
one Olympics. 

1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944. 

1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear." 

1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The
bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima.
About 74,000 people were killed. Japan surrendered August
14. 

1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan. 

1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the
Malaysian Federation. 

1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate
affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon. 

1974 U.S. President Richard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald
R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the
U.S. 

1975 The New Orleans Superdome as officially opened when the
Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The
new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 

1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found
guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles
Kings. 

1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would
support federal funding for limited medical research on
embryonic stem cells. 

2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. 

2016  smiled.





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F5 key 
Monday, August 8, 2016, 08:36 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, August 8

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Bonehead, 30, arrested after he head-butted 
mother in face because she brought home chick-fil-a for
dinner.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 8, in

1899 - The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog;
fewer when pursued by a mad woman;
only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion.
--- Robertson Davies
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A young woman who was worried about her habit of biting 
her fingernails down to the quick was advised by a friend 
to take up yoga.

She did, and soon her fingernails were growing normally. 
Her friend asked her if yoga had totally cured her 
nervousness. 

"No," she replied, "but now I can reach my toe-nails so I 
bite them instead."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Charlott stormed into the eye surgeon's office and went 
up to the desk.
"Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday,"
she complained.

The doctor came out and tried to calm her down.  
"I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such 
a thing," he said.  "Why do you think it was taken here?"

"After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was 
cheap-looking and ugly."

"I think," explained the surgeon gently, "that means your 
cataract operation was a success."

______________________________________________________

Annie has been sending resumes to just about any company
in the area, whether they were looking for people or not.

She went the e-mail route for awhile.  Sending electronic
cover letters and attaching her resume to each one.  But
after three months the poor girl was dismayed and confused
that she had not received even ONE request for an interview.

She finally broke down and called one of the prospective
employers she'd sent a resume to.  He explained the
problem.

"Annie, the problem was that your resume wasn't attached
as indicated.  I do want to thank you, though, for the great
lasagna recipe."

--------------------
That's actually a failry old joke.

However, sending resumes as an attachment is a dumb move. 
It's too risky to open an attachment, especially if it is a 
WORD doc and may be full of macros.
That goes straight into the trash, unread, right from
MailWasher. 
Depending on my mood, I might even bounce it back at the
sender.

The only resumes I look at are those that come in a very 
short email with a brief summary and a link to a detailed 
resume on a web page.

While there is a dire shortage of people to work on
construction or in the trades, there is a huge surplus of
people who want to work on the web or in an office. If you
don't make it easy to get hired, you won't be hired. 

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Derek Foreman
30,
Largo, 
Florida.

Florida Bonehead, 30, arrested after he head-butted 
mother in face because she brought home chick-fil-a for
dinner.

Foreman, 30, is nursing a boo-boo he got late Thursday 
after allegedly head-butting his mother in the face 
during a confrontation in their residence at the Oak Crest
Manufactured Home Community in Largo, Florida.

The reason for Foreman’s battering of his 55-year-old
parent?

“Def. and Victim had a verbal disagreement because the
victim brought home Chick-fil-A and the Def. did not want to
eat Chick-fil-A,” a criminal complaint notes.

Faced with the fast food grub, Foreman “became upset” and
head-butted his mother, causing her bottom lip to split,
investigators allege. Foreman was arrested for domestic
battery, a misdemeanor, and booked into the county jail.

After a court hearing Friday, Foreman was released from
custody and directed to have no contact with his mother. A
judge also ordered Foreman to be outfitted with a device
that monitors his alcohol intake.

The report did not state whether Foreman got his nose broken
from head-butting his mother's rolling pin or a cop's
baton.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Ginger
RE: F5 Key
Dear Webby,
Couldn't believe you forgot to mention F5 - refresh - 
I use it all the time.
Ginger

Dear Ginger
You are right! F5 is for Refresh
and 
F2 is to Edit

Here again are the ones from yesterday:

F1 is HELP
CTRL and F4 together closes a window
ALT and F4 together closes a program
CTRL and A together selects everything in the open window
CTRL and C together copies what you have selected
CTRL and V  together pastes what you have copied
CTRL and INSERT  together copies what you have selected
SHIFT and INSERT  together pastes what you have slected
SHIFT and DELETE together copies AND cuts what you
           have selected
CTRL and Z reverses the last action if it was a write or
delete, that is the UNdo key
CTRL S saves the file you are working on
CTRL and ALT and DELETE brings up the System Manager. You
use that for changing your password.
ALT and the SPACE BAR  together open the menu of the
   program you are in, or Launchy, if you are using it.
CTRL and F together is the search for a word in the open
 window.

Some programs use some of the other F keys as well,
but not in a world wide consistent manner. The ones I listed
are the only ones you need to remember nowadays.

There are also some Windows specific keys that use a
combination of the Windows key and a letter.
The "Windows Key" is the one on the bottom row, that has 
the Microsoft flag on it.
To save space here I'll use *W* for the Windows key

*W*  Opens the start menu
*W* and D  minimizes open programs
*W* and E opens Explorer at the top, not at some silly
location
*W* and F opens the file search (computer, not word search
 in the document you are in)
*W* and L  careful with this one, it has to do with logging
OFF or locking your computer
*W* and M  "Boss-Alert" key. Closes open windows, but
    hitting *W* M again does not pop them open again like
  *W* D does.
*W* and R  opens the RUN box.
    *W* R calc     opens the calculator
*W* and U opens the Utility manager for stuff like the
    narrator, magnifier, etc.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

After living in the remote wilderness of Texas all his life,
Sam decided it was time to visit the big city. In one of 
the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.

Not knowing what it was, he remarked, "How 'bout that! 
Here's a picture of my daddy."

He bought the 'picture', but on the way home he 
remembered that Betty-Sue, his wife, didn't like his father.

So he hung it in the barn, and every morning before leaving 
for the fields, he would go there and look at it.

Betty-Sue began to get suspicious of these many trips to
the barn.

One day after Sam left, she searched the barn and found 
the mirror. As she looked into the glass, Betty-Sue fumed, 
"So that's the ugly hussy he's runnin' around with! Just
wait till he gets back from the fields!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Lemon Lush Recipe

This layered lemon flavored dessert is so delicious you will
be looking for special occasions at which to serve it. This
is a guide about lemon lush recipes.



By Linda [5 Posts, 32 Comments]
5 found this helpful
This dessert is a crowd pleaser.

Ingredients:
1 cup plain flour
1 stick margarine, melted
2 Tbsp. sugar
1 cup nuts, chopped
1 (8 oz.) cream cheese
1 cup powdered sugar
1 large carton of Cool Whip
2 boxes Jello instant lemon pudding
2 cups milk
dried shredded coconut or grated sweet chocolate
 
Directions:
Mix flour, butter, sugar, and nuts. Press into a 9x13 inch
Pyrex dish or 9x15 inch pan. Bake at 350 degrees F until
brown. Cool. This is your first layer.

Beat together cream cheese and powdered sugar. Fold in half
of a large carton of Cool Whip. Spread on crust. This is
your second layer.

Mix the two boxes of Jello instant lemon pudding with 2 cups
of milk. Spread over 2nd layer. Refrigerate until pudding
sets.
Spread remainder of Cool Whip on top. Sprinkle with coconut
or grated sweet chocolate.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

At the next table at the restaurant today I overheard a
young woman who was talking with an older woman, apparently
her mother. "I haven't slept in three days," she complained.

"The baby is teething and he's up all night crying."

"Why don't you just wet a finger with some brandy or a sweet
liqeur and rub it on his gums. That will numb them up and
put him right to sleep." answered mom.

"I can't give the baby alcohol! Lord knows what that will do
to him."

"Well, it never hurt you any."

The look on her face was priceless.

___________________________________________________

In the park

____________________________________________________

It took many hours, but they removed ALL of Tammy Faye 
Baker's make up,...
and do you know what they found?

Jimmy Hoffa!

____________________________________________________

One of my first assignments on a summer job at an 
auto-body shop was a car needing a new fender and 
some door repairs. 

I spent hours doing a perfect job, but when the owner 
came to pick it up, he wasn't pleased. 

"What's wrong?" I asked. 

Pointing to the side of the car, he complained about the 
paint not matching, uneven gaps between panels, and a 
host of other nitpicking little problems. He demanded an 
explanation and that it be re-done.

"The repairs were to the other side," I noted. "You 
smashed in the passenger side, not the driver side. 
This side I only washed."

____________________________________________________




 
15 rare historical images that show humor is timeless.

____________________________________________________




Today on August 8
1356 - Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from
Aquitaine. 

1815 - Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena, in the
South Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in
exile. 

1844 - After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27,
Bringham Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 

1876 - Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph.
The mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic
stencils for printing." 

1899 - The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 

1900 - In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S.
team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 

1940 - The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air
raids on Great Britain. 

1945 - The United Nations Charter was signed by U.S.
President Truman. 

1945 - During World War II, the Soviet Union declared war on
Japan. It seemed safe after Hiroshima was nuked.

1950 - Whataburger opened its restaurant in Corpus Christi,
TX. 

1953 - The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security
pact. 

1956 - Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long
and weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in
the world. 

1966 - Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install
an artificial heart pump in a patient. 

1974 - U.S. President Nixon announced that he would resign
the following day. 

1978 - The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried
scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 

1988 - It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and
Iran had begun. 

1989 - The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape
Canaveral, FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day
military mission. 

1990 - American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 

1991 - John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by
his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more
than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in
retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages
were released. 

1991 - The U.N. Security Council approved North and South
Korea for membership. 

1994 - The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened.

1994 - Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a
cooperation agreement. 

1995 - Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their
husbands, and several senior army officers defected. 

2000 - The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean
bottom after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an
attack on the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the
first submarine in history to sink a warship.

2016  smiled.






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F-Keys and other Hot-keys 
Sunday, August 7, 2016, 10:28 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, August 7

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom charged with killing baby with teaspoon of salt 
to ‘get her husband back’
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 7, in

1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple
Heart. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"I know that you believe that you understood 
what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize 
that what you heard is not what I meant."
--- Robert McCloskey

At no time is freedom of speech more precious 
than when a man hits his thumb with a hammer. 
--- Socratex

The more you observe politics, the more you've 
got to admit that each party is worse than the other.
--- Will Rogers
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

The average man's life consists of; 
twenty years of having his mother ask him where he is going; 
forty years of having his wife ask the same question; 
and at the end, the mourners wondering, too! 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Morris, the Governor's most trusted assistant, died in his
sleep one night. The Governor had depended on Morris for
advice on every subject, from pending bills to wardrobe
decisions. In addition, Morris had been his closest friend.

So, it was understandable that the Governor didn't take
kindly to the droves of ambitious office seekers who
wanted Morris' job. "They don't even have the decency to
wait until the man is buried," the Governor muttered.

At the funeral, one eager beaver made his way to the
Governor's side. "Governor," the man said, "is there
a chance that I could take Morris' place?"

"Certainly," the governor replied. "But you'd better
hurry. I think the undertaker is almost finished!!!"

______________________________________________________

Jane's mother-in-law asked Bob to buy ORGANIC vegetables 
from the market. He went and looked around and couldn't 
find any.

So he grabbed an old, tired looking employee and said, 
"These vegetables are for my mother-in-law. Have they been 
sprayed with any poisonous chemicals?"

"The produce guy looked at him and said, 
"No. You'll have to do that yourself."

______________________________________________________



Green Headed Tanager

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________
Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Kimberly Nicole Martines,
23,
Spartanburg,
SC

Mom charged with killing baby with teaspoon of salt 
to ‘get her husband back’

A 17-month-old girl was brought to a Spartanburg, SC,
hospital Sunday suffering from seizures; she died
Wednesday—and authorities say the baby’s mother killed her
by feeding her a teaspoon of salt.

Kimberly Nicole Martines, 23, has been charged with homicide
by child abuse in the death of her daughter, Peyton
Martines, WHNS reports. Kimberly Martines has admitted
feeding Peyton the salt, allegedly telling authorities she
did so in an effort to “get her husband,” from whom she is
separated, “back into her life.” Martines says she was woken
up Sunday by Peyton screaming, CBS News reports; she saw the
child was having seizures and called 911, the State reports.

Peyton was diagnosed with an acute case of salt poisoning—as
WYFF explains, if too much is ingested, the sodium in salt
and soy sauce can cause seizures, coma, or death.

But Martines’ sister insists “there’s a lot more that went
on than people understand” and that Martines is “a great
mother” who would never hurt her children.

Peyton’s twin sister and another sibling were taken into
protective custody. “Peyton was the most beautiful,
happiest, loving baby ever. She never cried and was a silly
baby making everyone laugh,” her family says in a statement.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: JP
RE: F-Keys andother hot keys
Dear Webby,
I am new to computers and was wondering if you could
tell me what the F1 through F12 keys are for that are
located at the top of my keyboard?  What are the Ctrl
and Alt keys used for?  Thanks for the help!
JP

Dear JP
The F Keys (Function Keys) have gone more and more
out of style ever since some dingbats decided to put
them on top, instead of on the left side where God
intended them to be for maximum productivity, just 
so that they can make cubicles narrower.

The only common ones that are still surviving are these:

F1 is HELP
CTRL and F4 together closes a window
ALT and F4 together closes a program
CTRL and A together selects everything in the open window
CTRL and C together copies what you have selected
CTRL and V  together pastes what you have copied
CTRL and INSERT  together copies what you have selected
SHIFT and INSERT  together pastes what you have slected
SHIFT and DELETE together copies AND cuts what you
           have selected
CTRL and Z reverses the last action if it was a write or
delete, that is the UNdo key
CTRL S saves the file you are working on
CTRL and ALT and DELETE brings up the System Manager. You
use that for changing your password.
ALT and the SPACE BAR  together open the menu of the
   program you are in, or Launchy, if you are using it.
CTRL and F together is the search for a word in the open
 window.

Some programs use some of the other F keys as well,
but not in a world wide consistent manner. The ones I listed
are the only ones you need to remember nowadays.

There are also some Windows specific keys that use a
combination of the Windows key and a letter.
The "Windows Key" is the one on the bottom row, that has 
the Microsoft flag on it.
To save space here I'll use *W* for the Windows key

*W*  Opens the start menu
*W* and D  minimizes open programs
*W* and E opens Explorer at the top, not at some silly
location
*W* and F opens the file search (computer, not word search
 in the document you are in)
*W* and L  careful with this one, it has to do with logging
OFF or locking your computer
*W* and M  "Boss-Alert" key. Closes open windows, but
    hitting *W* M again does not pop them open again like
  *W* D does.
*W* and R  opens the RUN box.
    *W* R calc     opens the calculator
*W* and U opens the Utility manager for stuff like the
    narrator, magnifier, etc.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors 
got together and said: If we're going to charge $40 an hour,
we can't call it Jumping up and down.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick

By Judy Pariser S. [133 Posts, 132 Comments]

I like to make my own Bisquick because it is more
economical, and I can't always use an entire box before the
expiration date. A lot of the recipes to make it at home
make very large quantities. I was really happy to find this
recipe. It makes 1 and 1/2 cups.

Total Time: 5 minutes
Yield: 1 1/2 cups

Making Small Amounts of Homemade Bisquick
By Judy Pariser S. [133 Posts, 132 Comments]

I like to make my own Bisquick because it is more
economical, and I can't always use an entire box before the
expiration date. A lot of the recipes to make it at home
make very large quantities. I was really happy to find this
recipe. It makes 1 and 1/2 cups.
 
Total Time: 5 minutes
Yield: 1 1/2 cups

Ingredients:
1 1/4 cup flour (I used half whole wheat, half all-purpose)
2 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup oil or shortening
Steps:
Mix all ingredients together.
Any leftovers can be stored in the refrigerator or freezer.
Source: The Tightwad Gazette

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
___________________________________________________

The middle aged secretary had never been married and 
had had enough of work, as well as the single life.  It was
no secret that she was looking to get married.

As she came back from her lunch hour with another bag 
from the drug store, a co-worker said, "In the past 3 weeks 
you've bought enough birth control pills to last 10 years, 
energy pills for years, and Lord knows how many condoms.  
And you don't even have a boyfriend.  Whom are you 
trying to seduce?"

She smiled slyly and replied, "The pharmacist, silly."

___________________________________________________

In the park

____________________________________________________

A man entered a barbershop and said: "I am  tired of looking
like everyone else!  I want a change!  
Part my hair from ear to ear!"
"Are you sure?"
"Yes! said the man.

The barber did as he was told, and a satisfied customer left

the shop.

Three hours passed and the man reentered the shop.  
"Put it back the way it was," he said.

"What's the matter?" said the barber.  "Are you tired of 
being a nonconformist already?" 

"No," he replied, "I'm tired of people whispering to my
nose!"

____________________________________________________

As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the
youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army
recruiter's office.

There were audible gasps around the table, then some
laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that
he could handle this new situation.

"Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one.  "You didn't
really do that, did you?"

"You would never get through basic training," scoffed
another.

The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was
just staring at him.

When she finally spoke, she simply asked, 
"Do you really plan to make your own bed, EVERY morning?"

____________________________________________________




 
Amazing clairvoyants!  I don't know how 
they do it but they are fascinating.

____________________________________________________




Today on August 7
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by the U.S.
Congress. 

1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple
Heart. 

1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the
revolving door. 

1914 Germany invaded France. 

1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling
striking down the government's attempt to ban the
controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 

1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of
the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during World
War II. 

1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-
man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into
a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 

1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture
of the Earth. 

1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of
communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious TV
and radio broadcasts. 

1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution,
which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing with
reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces, which were
shelling North Vietnam. 

1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope
strung between the twin towers of New York's World Trade
Center. 

1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1
spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life on
Mars. 

1987 The presidents of five Central American nations, met in
Guatemala City, and signed an 11-point agreement designed to
bring peace to their region. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and
warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible
invasion by Iraq. 

2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger announced that he
would run for the office of governor. 

2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for
$200,000.

2016  smiled.





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Missing "Show Desktop" icon 
Saturday, August 6, 2016, 07:05 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, August 6

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Universal Studios guests with fake credit cards arrested
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 5, in

1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb
named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time) 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

When dealing with the insane, the best method is 
to pretend to be sane.
--- Hermann Hesse

"Asking a working writer what he thinks about 
critics is like asking a lamp-post what he feels 
about dogs."
--- Christopher Hampton 
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Herb for this one:
My kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just 
before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt 
to class. She told us the teacher was going to iron an 
anti-drug message on it. 

My wife frantically swept through my daughter's room, 
finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had 
something printed on one side. She sent it off to school 
with my daughter. 

That afternoon, my daughter returned and happily showed off 
her shirt. On one side it said, 

"Families are Forever." And on the other, 
"Be Smart, Don't Start." 



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






From Ellen
After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida
to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The
representative listened patiently as I requested a
wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her
arthritis and impaired vision.

My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me
that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her
profusely.

"Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up
when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a
rental car?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Angel from http://Angelwinks.net for this one:

Used to being the center of attention, Robbie was a little
more than jealous of his new baby sister. The parents sat
him down and said that now that she was getting older, the
house was too small and they'd have to move.

"It's no use." Robbie said,
"She's crawling good now and she'd probably just follow us."

______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Yuniel Garrido Llopiz, 32,
Eidrys Reyes Robelt, 30,
Miami,
Florida

Universal Studios guests with fake credit cards arrested

Cops say two South Florida men attempted to live it up at
Universal Studios last week. The trouble was Yuniel Garrido
Llopiz and Eidrys Reyes Robelt tried to pay with phony
credit cards, according to Orlando police.

Llopiz, 32, of Hialeah and Robelt, 30, of Miami were each
charged with possessing personal identification of other
people and misrepresenting themselves.

Robelt was additionally charged with trafficking in
counterfeit credit cards.

In all, they had 17 counterfeit cards on July 5, according
to Orlando police.

They tried to use fake cards to purchase food, clothing,
express passes and gift cards at the theme park, police say.

Robelt waived his right to remain silent during an interview
with police and the U.S. Secret Service.

"Robelt stated he had been given the counterfeit credit
cards in South Florida and knew they were 'not good,'" he
said, according to a report. "Robelt stated he could not
tell us who or how he received the cards because he feared
for his safety and did not want to be a 'snitch.'"

Llopiz doesn't speak English and no Spanish-speaking
detectives were immediately available, the report said.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Laura
RE: Missing Show Desktop icon
Dear Webby,
My mom had some misadventure with her computer and lost a 
bunch of stuff and files. Most of them she has since
restored, although many files were not recovered (no
backup!). 
 
Somehow she had also deleted her quick launch bar.  
I restored that the other day, but the button for "Show
Desktop" is not there.  How do I get that back for her?  

Thanks,
Laura

The easiest way to show the desktop is to hit the 
Windows key and D

The alternative is a very cumbersome rigamarole that you can

find if you click on the desktop, hit F1 and search for 
"How to Re-create the Show Desktop Icon on Quick Launch 
Toolbar"

Much easier to just take a fine line indelible felt pen and
write  
 + D 
onto the Windows key to remind her how to show the desktop.

Windows key and D also restores all open windows, that w ere
hidden when she hits that the first time to find an icon.
It is actually a very handy shortcut.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

COSTELLO: I want to talk about the unemployment rate in
America .
ABBOTT: Good Subject. Terrible Times. It's 5.6%.
COSTELLO: That many people are out of work?
ABBOTT: No, that's 23%.
COSTELLO: You just said 5.6%.
ABBOTT: 5.6% Unemployed.
COSTELLO: Right 5.6% out of work.
ABBOTT: No, that's 23%.
COSTELLO: Okay, so it's 23% unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, that's 5.6%.
COSTELLO: WAIT A MINUTE. Is it 5.6% or 23%?
ABBOTT: 5.6% are unemployed. 23% are out of work.
COSTELLO: If you are out of work you are unemployed.
ABBOTT: No, Obama said you can't count the "Out of Work" as
the unemployed. You have to look for work to be unemployed. 
COSTELLO: BUT THEY ARE OUT OF WORK!!!
ABBOTT: No, you miss his point.
COSTELLO: What point?
ABBOTT: Someone who doesn't look for work can't be counted
with those who look for work. It wouldn't be fair. 
COSTELLO: To whom?
ABBOTT: The unemployed.
COSTELLO: But ALL of them are out of work.
ABBOTT: No, the unemployed are actively looking for work.
Those who are out of work gave up looking and if you give
up, you are no longer in the ranks of the unemployed. 
COSTELLO: So if you're off the unemployment roles that would
count as less unemployment?
ABBOTT: Unemployment would go down. Absolutely!
COSTELLO: The unemployment just goes down because you don't
look for work?
ABBOTT: Absolutely it goes down. That's how it gets to 5.6%.
Otherwise it would be 23%.
COSTELLO: Wait, I got a question for you. That means there
are two ways to bring down the unemployment number? 
ABBOTT: Two ways is correct.
COSTELLO: Unemployment can go down if someone gets a job?
ABBOTT: Correct.
COSTELLO: And unemployment can also go down if you stop
looking for a job?
ABBOTT: Bingo.
COSTELLO: So there are two ways to bring unemployment down,
and the easier of the two is to have people stop looking for
work. 
ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like a Democrat.
COSTELLO: I don't even know what the hell I just said!
ABBOTT: Now you're thinking like Hillary.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Washing Bib Overalls

By mom-from-missouri [198 Posts, 460 Comments]

This is actually a tip I learned from my husband years ago
when we married. He wears bib overalls almost daily, and the
straps tend to tangle. But, if you unbutton the front
pockets, take the strap buckles and place them between the
button and pocket and then rebutton it (or snap on some
pairs) they will stay that way during the wash cycle. (if
you simply buckle them as you do when you wear them, they
come loose in the wash and tangle up)

Another trick I use is saving the buckles when he wears out
a pair. Every so often the buckles break, and I have a spare
buckle I can then use.
The rest of the worn out bibs make great potholders, or
skirts for little girls or tote bags. There are lots of
ideas on them if you google.

___________________________________________________

Dead Dog

____________________________________________________

Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot
summer day.

Their dad wouldn't let them play in the sprinkler because
he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set out to find a
way to get wet and cool without getting into trouble.

They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when
suddenly one of them jumped up and declared,
"I know!  Lets get baptized!"

Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can
get wet at at baptism, so they trotted on down to the
church on the corner and told the pastor they wanted to
get baptized.

The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes
of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's
room and dunked them both head first into the toilet,
then sent them on their way.

The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the
whole adventure, when one of them asked the other,
"Hey, what religion are we now?"

"I don't know," replied the other.  "If we were Baptists,
he would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole
body like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic,
he would have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..."

They sat and thought about it for a while longer when
the first one said in a small voice,
"Since he stuck our head in the toilet, I
think that it means that we're 'pisscopalian."

____________________________________________________

Wayne, a friend of mine, owns an auto-repair business. One 
day a woman called to inquire when he could work on her car.

"I'm not busy now," he replied. "bring it right in." 

A short time later, the woman pulled into the service bay, 
stopping her small car perfectly over the wide, deep grease 
pit. 

"Wow!" Remarked Wayne. "That's great driving. Your wheels 
only have a couple of inches to spare on each side of the 
pit." 

She looked blankly at him and asked, "What pit?" 

____________________________________________________




 
Let's go cliff diving in Maui.  These young people look like they're having a lot of fun.

____________________________________________________




Today on August 6
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia debate
began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 

1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as Emperor
Francis II abdicated. 

1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 

1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia
declared war against Germany. 

1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in New
York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore. 

1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb
named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time) 

1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property in
Cuba began. 

1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the
British Commonwealth. 

1969 The first fair ball to be hit completely out of Dodger
Stadium occurred. Willie "Pops" Stargell, of the Pittsburgh
Pirates, hit the ball 506 feet from home plate. 

1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false
alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze due
to a grease fire. 

1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing
brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to
Hiroshima. 

1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the
Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest surviving
recipient of a permanent artificial heart. 

1989 Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of
Bolivia. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade
embargo with Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for
invading Kuwait. 

1993 Morihiro Hosokawa was elected prime minister of Japan. 

1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in rivers
in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the first
atomic bombing. 

1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive
life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite
that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed to
have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 

1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share technology
in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's survival. 

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2
hours testifying before a grand jury about her relationship
with U.S. President Clinton. 

2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale
Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on
November 26, 2011.

2016  smiled.






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Music too big for CD 
Friday, August 5, 2016, 09:25 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, August 5
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:

Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 5, in

1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population
was approximately 250. Murders were two per year.

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Just think, if there was no such thing as marriage,
men would go through life thinking they had no
fault at all!
--- Socratex

A woman worries about the future until she 
gets a husband.
A man never worries about the future until he 
gets a wife.
--- Socratex
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Barb
There were four churches and a synagogue in a small town: a
Presbyterian church, a Baptist church, a Methodist church, a
Catholic church and a Jewish synagogue. Each church and the
synagogue had a problem with rats.

The Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to
do about their rats. After much prayer and 
Consideration, they determined the rats were predestined to
be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine
will.

At the Baptist church the rats had taken an interest in the
baptistery. The deacons met and decided to put a water slide
on the baptistery and let the rats drown themselves. The
rats liked the slide and unfortunately, knew instinctively
how to swim, so twice as many rats showed up the following
week.

The Methodist church decided that they were not in a
position to harm any of God's creatures. So, they
Humanely trapped their rats and set them free near the
Baptist Church. Two weeks later the rats were back when the
Baptists took down the water slide.

But the Catholic Church came up with a very creative
strategy. They baptised all the rats and consecrated them as
members of the church. Now they only see them at Christmas
and Easter.

Not much was heard from the Jewish synagogue. They caught
one rat and circumcised him. They haven't seen one since.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






WHY I AM SO TIRED
I'm tired.
For a couple of years I've been blaming it on my iron-poor 
blood, lack of vitamins and dieting, and a dozen other 
maladies. But now I found out the real reason I'm tired is 
because I'm overworked.

The population of the USA is 237 million. 104 million are 
retired. That leaves 133 million to do the work.

There are 85 million in school, which leave 48 million to 
do the work.

Of this there are 29 million employed by the federal 
government. This leaves 19 million to do the work.

Four million are in the Armed Forces, which leaves 15 
million to do the work.

Take from that total the 14,800,000 people who work for 
state and city governments and that leaves 200,000 to 
do the work.

There are 188,000 in hospitals, so that leaves 12,000 to 
do the work.

Now, there are 11,998 people in prisons. That leaves just 
two people to do the work.

You and me.

And you're sitting there reading jokes!

______________________________________________________

Fifteen minutes into the flight from Kansas City to Toronto,
the captain announced, "Ladies and gentlemen, one of our
engines has failed.  There is nothing to worry about.  Our
flight will take an hour longer than scheduled, but we still
have three engines left."

Thirty minutes later the captain announced, "One more
engine has failed and the flight will take an additional
two hours.  But don't worry, we can fly just fine on two 
engines."

An hour later the captain announced, "One more engine
has failed and our arrival will be delayed another three
hours.  But don't worry...we still have one engine left."

Nancy turned to the man in the next seat and remarked, 
"If we lose one more engine, we'll be up here forever!!"

______________________________________________________



From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Bonifacio Oseguera-Gonzalez,
29,
Portland,
Oregon

Mexican held in Oregon farm murders had been
deported 6 times previously.

A Mexican national charged with aggravated murder in the
shooting deaths of three people at a rural Oregon blueberry
farm had been deported six times, most recently in 2013,
according to U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement.

Bonifacio Oseguera-Gonzalez, 29, has no significant prior
criminal convictions, but ICE asked Oregon authorities to
turn him over to them if he's released from custody in the
current case, the agency said in a statement to The
Associated Press on Friday.

Oseguera-Gonzalez pleaded not guilty to three counts of
aggravated murder and one count of attempted murder Tuesday
in Marion County Superior Court.

Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump
tweeted about the case Friday, saying the suspect "should
have never been here."

Two men who lived at the blueberry farm in the Willamette
Valley town of Woodburn, in northwest Oregon, died at the
scene of Monday's shooting. The third victim, the girlfriend
of another resident who was not home at the time, was
pronounced dead at a hospital.

A third man was seriously wounded but survived and is able
to speak with investigators.

The Oregon State Police arrested Oseguera-Gonzalez a few
hours later on Interstate 84 in the Columbia River Gorge,
about 100 miles northeast of Woodburn.

He acknowledged to authorities in an interview that he shot
four people, according to a probable cause statement.

The victims were identified as Ruben Rigoberto-Reyes, 60;
Edmundo Amaro-Bajonero, 26; and Katie Gildersleeve, 30, of
Logsden.

Authorities have released few details about the case,
including the relationship between Oseguera-Gonzalez and the
victims, and have declined to specify a motive.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Mellie
RE: Music too big for CD
Dear Webby,
I've gotten alot of good tips from you, and for that I thank
you. 
Here's a problem I'm hoping that someone can help me solve. 
I have several audio files on my hard drive that's too
large for 
the standard 80 minute CD. Is there any way to split those 
files so that I can put these onto disks? I do have them
zipped 
and backed up, but I'd rather put it on a disk so I can play

them in a CD player. Any suggestions?? I'm running xp on my 
system.  
Thanks  mellie

Dear Mellie
If those files don't fit onto a CD, then they came from a
DVD. There are quite a few programs that will let you put a
DVD or parts of one onto regular CD's.

Don't buy any of the crap advertised by spammers. There are
plenty of those programs available for free, and most likely
the spammers are just trying to con you into paying for one
of the many free ones.

The general term for those programs is "Audio Ripper", even 
though they work for movies too. Originally they were used
to "rip off" the music from Music DVD's and make bootleg
copies. 
The name stuck.

Just google for "Audio Ripper" and pick one you like.
There is a huge selection.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Thanks to Roland for this one:
New hubby: "I'll go hunting, fishing, boozing and card-
playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give
me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?

"His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just
understand that there'll be sex here at seven o'clock every
night, 
whether you're here or not."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Egg Shells for Planting Tomatoes

By Litter Gitter [175 Posts, 600 Comments]

To prevent blossom rot, I put a handful of egg shells in the
hole with the tomato plant when setting them. This gives
the tomatoes calcium and it works.

To prevent blossom rot, I put a handful of egg shells in the
hole with the tomato plant when setting them. This gives
the tomatoes calcium and it works.
 
For 2 dozen tomato plants, I use 2 gallons of crushed egg
shells. It takes me a year to save up that many.
Whenever I use eggs, I rinse the sticky stuff out of the
shells and set them on a paper towel to drain. After they
dry, they are ready to crush and add to the bag. I usually
let them build up in the bag and then put them in a bowl and
crush with my hands and fingers. (This also buffs my rough
skin and makes it smooth.) I store the bag in the pantry
until spring planting time.
If you want to try this, you need to start saving your egg
shells.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

When my husband and I showed up at a very popular
restaurant,it was crowded. I went up to the hostess and
asked, "Will it be long?"

The hostess, ignoring me, kept writing in her book. I asked
again, "How much of a wait?"

The woman looked up and said, "About ten minutes."

A short time later, we heard an announcement over the loud-
speaker: "Willette B. Long, your table is ready."

___________________________________________________

Pinwheel puppies

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Deana for this one:
When I went with my stepdaughter to visit a prestigious 
university, our student guide pointed out the nationally
ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She
told us that the professors were the best in the world, and
she recommended my stepdaughter apply early to improve her 
chances for admission. "We get so many applicants,"
she boasted, "because of the stature of the school."

After the tour I asked our guide, "So, why did you choose 
this school?"

"Oh," she replied matter-of-factly, "my boyfriend used to go
here, and now he works at the McDonalds across the street.
I can get a free ride to this University, but wold have to
take the bus to the one on the other side of town."

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Cindy for this one:
About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was
talking with her four-year-old son, Brent. He was asking her
why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound
like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?", Brent asked. 
"They talk funny?"

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. 
"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words 
are d-r-a-w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You
mean they hear funny too?"

____________________________________________________




 
The winners of the National Geographic Travel Photographer awards of 2016. 


>From Barb

____________________________________________________




Today on August 5

1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population
was approximately 250. Murders were two per year.

1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income
tax. The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime
measure was rescinded in 1872. 

1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Adm.
David G. Farragut were led into Mobile Bay, Alabama. 

1914 The first electric traffic signal lights were installed
in Cleveland, Ohio. 

1921 The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was
done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described
the action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 

1921 The cartoon "On the Road to Moscow", by Rollin Kirby,
was published in the "New York World". It was the first
cartoon to win a Pulitzer Prize. 

1923 Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across
the English Channel. 

1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in
Warsaw. 348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 

1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at
Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 

1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United
States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned
nuclear tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 

1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North
Vietnamese boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of
Tonkin. The nerve of them! Objecting to shelling from ships!

1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the
original World Trade Center began. 

1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars.
Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be
impeached. Nixon had ordered the investigation into the
Watergate break-in to halt. 

1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air
traffic controllers. 

1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly
created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The
works of Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year
period. 

1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began
meeting to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of the
Nicaraguan Contra bases. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the
Iraqi invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic
congressional leaders to find out if the release of American
hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush
presidential election. 

1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about
secret biological weapons. 

1992 Federal civil rights charges were filed against four
Los Angeles police officers. The officers had been acquitted
on California State charges. Two of the officers were
convicted and jailed on violation of civil rights charges. 

1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating
with U.N. weapons inspectors. 

2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The
consulate was closed after local authorities removed large
concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the
building to normal traffic. 

2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company
was the video software maker On2 Technologies. 

2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had
captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on
Mars during warm seasons. 

2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station
on a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered
spacecraft to go to Jupiter. 

2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United
States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 

2016  smiled.






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How to prepare for a hurricane 
Thursday, August 4, 2016, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, August 4

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida woman blames her dog for the 
alprazolam and diazepam pills in her car. 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 4, in

1914 Britain declared war on Germany and turned traditional
European border shuffling into a World War.
 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Lack of money is no obstacle. 
Lack of an idea is an obstacle.
--- Ken Hakuta

If the world should blow itself up, 
the last audible voice would be that of an expert 
saying it can't be done.
--- Peter Ustinov

"My vision is to make the most diverse state on earth, 
and we have people from every planet on the earth 
in this state." 
--- G. Davis, Governor of Mexifornia
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

     A Hillbilly translates computer terms...
x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*x*
BAR CODE- The fightin' rules down at the local tavern.

CACHE- What you need when you run out of food stamps.

CHIPS- Pasture muffins you try NOT to step in.

DISKETTE- Female disco dancer.

HACKER- Uncle LeRoy after 32 years of smokin'.

HARDCOPY- Picture looked at when pickin' out a tattoo.

INTERNET- Where cafeteria workers put their hair.

KEYBOARD- Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.

MEGAHERTZ- How your head feels after too many beers.

MODEM- What you did when the weeds got too tall.

NETWORK- Scoopin' up a big fish before it breaks the line.

ONLINE- Where to stay when takin' a sobriety test.

ROM- Where the Pope lives.

SERIAL PORT- A red wine you drink for breakfast.

SUPERCONDUCTOR- AmTrak's employee of the year.

VIRUS - what gives you the sniffles

ANTI-VIRUS PROGRAM - a jug of moonshine every day



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car.
Another hunter approached pulling his along too. 

"Hey, I  don't want to tell you how to do something... but I
can tell you that it's much easier if you drag the deer in
the other direction. Then the antlers won't dig into the
ground."

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, "You
know, that guy was right.  This is a lot easier!"

"Yeah," the other added, "but we're getting farther and 
farther away from the truck."

______________________________________________________

Customer: "My computer crashed!"
Tech Support: "It crashed?"
Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game."
Tech Support: "All right, hit Control-Alt-Delete to reboot."
Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed."
Tech Support: "Huh?"
Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I
crashed  my spaceship and now it doesn't work."
Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'"
Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture from Sweden



______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Anita Wymer,
56,
Fort Pierce,
Florida

Florida woman blames her dog for the 
alprazolam and diazepam pills in her car. 

You’ve heard the explanation that the dog ate my homework?
Anita Wymer, 56, blamed something else on her pooch.

Wymer on July 10 told St. Lucie County Sheriff’s
investigators that alprazolam and diazepam pills – used in
treating anxiety disorders — in her vehicle were prescribed
to her dog, according to an arrest affidavit.

Sheriff’s investigators evidently thought Wymer was barking
up the wrong tree, and threw her not in the dog house but in
the big house.

A deputy stopped Wymer about 3 a.m. after investigators say
she was traveling more than 90 mph in the area of Interstate
95 and St. Lucie West Boulevard.

Wymer smelled of booze, and said she had “a few drinks.”

Wymer took field sobriety exercises and was arrested on a
DUI charge. Breath tests measured her blood alcohol content
at 0.116 and 0.119, greater than the legal limit of 0.08.

In her vehicle, investigators found 13 alprazolam and two
diazepam pills. She couldn’t provide proof that she had a
prescription.

“Wymer then later stated that the pills were prescribed to
her dog and she only took one,” an affidavit states.

Instead of being thrown a bone, Wymer, of Fort Pierce, also
was arrested on charges related to having prescription pills
without a prescription.

Her dog could not be reached for comment.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Chris
RE: How do I prepare for the next huricane?
Dear Webby,
There has been all kinds of weird and wacky advice on
how to prepare for the hurricane that will hit here shortly.
What do YOU suggest?
Chris

Dear Chris
1) If you don't have one, get an external USB hard drive
and put all your important stuff on it, including the
compressed downloads for your software and a file with your
logons and serial numbers.

2) Put all your software CD's and other important CD's into
an unsinkable fishing tackle box or small cooler with a
latchng lid. Also put a flashlight in there.

3) Rent or borrow a laptop for a few days, or lease one 
from Dell.

4) Get a car or truck battery and an automotive battery 
charger and a cheap automotive 12 Volt to 110 Volt AC c
onverter.
NOTE: The most popular is the StatPower 650. It is cheap in
automotive accessory stores, more expensive in electronics
stores, even more expensive in computer stores, and totally
outrageous in aircraft accessories stores. 

5) Get a waterproof LED or fluorescent 12 volt mechanics
light. They float, use very little battery power, and
provide surprisingly decent light. 

Put the battery, charger and converter, and light into a
lockable or at lest latchable 10 or 15 gallon camping
cooler. Put some dry clothes into plastic bags and stuff
them in there to keep the 
pieces from shifting. 

Also put a flashlight in there. You may have to go to the 
washroom.

The reason for using such a large cooler is that a truck
battery or car batteries is heavy. A larger cooler will
float a lot higher in spite of the weight.

A fully charged pick-up truck battery will power a laptop
for more than a week.

Preparations like that are not just in case the water level 
rises to your desktop. The same set-up will also work fine 
if you decide to put pontoons under your desk and raft down

the Mississippi next spring. Don't forget your satellite
modem!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Frustrated at always being corrected by her husband, my
aunt decided the next time it happened, she would have a
comeback. That moment finally arrived, and she was ready.

"You know," she challenged, "even a broken clock is right
once a day!"

My uncle looked at her and replied, "Twice."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Smell from Shoes

By sherry [33 Posts, 14 Comments]

To get the smell out of shoes, I put a mixture of baking
soda, baking powder, and cornstarch in a pair of cotton
socks and stick in the shoes overnight. It works like a
charm.
By Sherry from Onset, MA

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Bob made a suggestion to his wife, "Honey, what do you
say that tonight we change positions?"

Jane responded with, "Yes, I would really like that. 
Tonight, you stand by the ironing board and I'll lay on the 
couch, watch TV and fart."

___________________________________________________

Happy birthday!

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Gale for this one:
During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to
the lab to have blood drawn.  The technician there was
friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day
because he was due to leave the service in two months.

As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that
taking the blood wouldn't hurt much.  Then, noticing my Air
Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did.

When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician
smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I
thought."

____________________________________________________

Tom had this problem of getting up late in the morning and 
was always late for work. His boss was mad at him and 
threatened to fire him if he didn't do something about it. 
So Tom went to his doctor who gave him a pill and told him 
to take it before he went to bed.

That night, Tom slept well and in fact beat, the alarm in
the morning. He had a leisurely breakfast and drove
cheerfully to work. "Boss", he said, "The pill actually
worked!" 

"That's fine" said the boss, "But where were you Friday?"

____________________________________________________




 
This is not graffiti it's awesome art! 





Today on August 4

1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal
of John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly
Journal had been charged with seditious libel by the royal
governor of New York. The jury said that "the truth is not
libelous." 

1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 

1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval
task force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 

1914 Britain declared war on Germany and turned traditional
European border shuffling into a World War.
 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality. 

1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier,
was recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down
all of its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown
affected 13 million phones. 

1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested
eight people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of
the people arrested. Her diary would be published after her
death. 

1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1956 William Herz became the first person to race a
motorcycle over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210
mph. 

1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 

1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the
world auto driving championship. It was his the fifth
consecutive year to win. 

1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand
Forks, ND. 

1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart,
which was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of
potential hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's
"Poor Little Fool." 

1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George
Wallace, the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63
years in prison. 

1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a
baseball during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull.
After the game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing
unnecessary suffering to an animal." 

1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso. 

1987 The Fairness Doctrine was rescinded by the Federal
Communications Commission. The doctrine had required that
radio and TV stations present controversial issues in a
balanced fashion. 

1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from
Iraq and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion
of the oil-rich Kuwait. 

1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived. 

1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 

1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United
Parcel Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in
full-time positions and defeated a proposed reorganization
of the company's pension plan. 

2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space
exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on
Mars on May 25, 2008. 

2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for
illegal entry earlier in the year. 

2016  smiled.






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Does my vote count? 
Wednesday, August 3, 2016, 09:49 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, August 3

My raspberries are ripening faster than I can pick them.
I picked a few pounds today and will probably put them on
cookie sheets and freeze them.

I made an intersting observation. Near the East end of the
first row I have a Maggie plant. Maggie is a strong herb
used sparingly in traditional stews and soups. It grows like
a tall weed and is about as unkillable as rhubarb.
To the left and right of the Maggie bush the raspberry
shoots are 8 feet tall, the rest of the row is about 5 feet
tall. Seems to be a living fertilizer producer.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Parents arrested after crying, barefoot toddler found 
in 96-degree heat, while parents played Pokemon Go
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 3, in

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"In matters of principle, stand like a rock;
in matters of taste, swim with the current."
--- Thomas Jefferson

The trouble with our times is that the future is not 
what it used to be.
--- Paul Valery
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday
morning service.

After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down
to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation.
For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those
who were to be married.

"Will those wanting to get married please come to the
front?" he requested.

Immediately, nineteen single ladies, twelve widows, three
widowers, and two single men stepped to the front.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






What's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over
coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing
fishing trip with your husband."

"Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered.
"First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish.

Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I
was reeling in too soon.

"All that might have been all right; but to make matters
worse, I ended up catching three times more fish than he did!"

______________________________________________________

"What were you before you came to school, boys and girls?" 
asked the teacher, hoping that someone would say 'babies'. 

She was disappointed when Little Johnny cried out, "Happy!" 

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Brent Daley, 27; 
Brianne Daley, 25,
Pinal County,
Arizona

Parents arrested after crying, barefoot toddler found 
in 96-degree heat, while parents played Pokemon Go

An Arizona couple face multiple charges after police say
they abandoned their 2-year-old boy at home to play Pokemon
Go.

The toddler, wearing just a diaper and T-shirt, managed to
wander out of the house and into the 96-degree heat,
according to a Pinal County Sheriff’s Office report. A
neighbor called 911 and deputies found the child wailing
outside the San Tan Valley home, trying to get in, according
to KFVS.

The boy was “red faced, sweaty and dirty” by the time
deputies arrived, according to the report.

Deputies walked into the home – which was unlocked – to find
three dogs but no sign of the parents, 27-year-old Brent
Daley and 25-year-old Brianne Daley, according to officials.
After locating Brent Daley’s phone number, deputies called
him to say they had found the boy abandoned outside the
house, to which Daley allegedly replied, “Whatever,” before
hanging up.

It took the Daleys close to an hour to return home after the
call, deputies said.

The couple had allegedly left the boy sleeping so they could
get gas, but later admitted they were driving to various
parks and other areas while playing Pokemon Go, according to
Sheriff Paul Babeu.

Both parents face charges of child endangerment and child
neglect and were booked into the Pinal County Sheriff’s
Office jail.

The child is now being cared for by the Department of Child
Services.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Carole
RE: Is my vote getting counted?
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby
Is my vote being counted when I get a page like this? I vote
for you everyday and I have noticed you number only goes up
a little bit. What has happened to those people at
ezinefinder?         
Carole

Dear Carole
No, it isn't.

Dear Carole
No, it isn't counted.

I know I sound like a broken record repeating for the
umpteenth time that their email confirmation does NOT work.
Due to a MUM (Mac User Malfunction) they plumb fergot to
include the link to confirm.

Just register there at 
http://www.ezinefinder.com/40697-vote.html

Then put the Humor Letter into the Favorites there.
You see the Favorites button after you log in.

Then you can add all newsletters, that you want to vote for,
into the favorites.

Next day, log in, hit Favorites, and they are ready to click
on.
NO thilly and not working email confirmation required.

You can let RoboForm or your browser remember your logIn.

You might also notice that the frequent and total
malfunctions have chased away a lot of voters. Nowadays
instead of 200 - 300 votes, I get 18 to 22.

That means, if you register a newsletter there, send it to
your fans and ask them to vote, AFTER REGISTERING and not 
wasting their time with the email confirmation version, you
can get into the Top 10 in a week or two.

It makes no difference what you write about, as long as you
can get your fans to register and log in and click to vote
there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

>From Theo
Once I had an employment offer from a large company and 
they paid to fly me out to the meeting on business class. 

During the return flight we were given gourmet brownies and 
cookies.  Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so 
I placed them in one of the air sickness bags. 

After the plane landed I got up to leave and a stewardess 
approached me. She asked, "Sir, would you like for me to 
dispose of that for you?" 

Without thinking, I said, "No thanks, I'm saving it for the
kids." 

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing Smell from Shoes

By sherry [33 Posts, 14 Comments]

To get the smell out of shoes, I put a mixture of baking
soda, baking powder, and cornstarch in a pair of cotton
socks and stick in the shoes overnight. It works like a
charm.
By Sherry from Onset, MA

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A famed explorer was invited to Dartmouth to tell of his 
adventures in the African jungle.
"Can you imagine," he demanded, "people so primitive that
they love to eat the embryo of certain birds, and slices
from the belly of certain animals? And grind up grass seed,
make it into a paste, burn it over a fire, then smear it
with a greasy mess they extract from the mammary fluid of
certain other animals?"

When the students looked startled by such barbarism, the
explorer added softly, "What I've been describing, of
course, is a breakfast of bacon and eggs and buttered
toast."

___________________________________________________

cat on treadmill trying to eat

____________________________________________________

That reminds me of a typical phone conversation between a
hotel guest in Vancouver and Room Service:

Hotel:	Morny, ruin sorbees.
Guest:	Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service.
Hotel:	Rye! Ruin sorbees ... morny! Jewish to odor sunteen??
Guest:	Uh ... yes ... I'd like some bacon and eggs.
Hotel:	Ow July den?
Guest:	What??
Hotel:	Ow July den ... pry, boy, pooch?
Guest:	Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry, scrambled
please.
Hotel:	Ow July dee baychem ... crease?
Guest:	Crisp will be fine.
Hotel:	Hokay. An San toes?
Guest:	What?
Hotel:	San toes. July San toes?
Guest:	I don't think so.
Hotel:	No? Judo one toes?
Guest:	I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what
'judo onetoes' means.
Hotel:	Toes! Toes! ... Why djew Don Juan toes? Ow bow
singlishmopping we bother?
Guest:	English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying
'Toast.' Fine.Yes, an English muffin will be fine.
Hotel:	We bother?
Guest:	No, just put the bother on the side.
Hotel:	Wad?
Guest:	I mean butter ... just put it on the side.
Hotel:	Copy?
Guest:	Sorry?
Hotel:	Copy ... tea ... mill?
Guest:	Yes. Coffee please, and that's all.
Hotel:	One Minnie. Ass strangle ache, creasebaychem, tossy
singlish mopping we bother honey sigh, and copy... rye?
Guest:	Whatever you say.
Hotel:	Ten jew berry mud.
Guest:	You're welcome.

____________________________________________________

During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was 
speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had 
trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she 
told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. 
I'm usually not such a big boob."

The bishop rose to close the session and remarked 
sympathetically, "That's okay. We like big boobs."

____________________________________________________




 
Amazing underwater discoveries. I've never heard of the Lake Michigan Stonehenge.





Today on August 3

1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three
ships. The voyage led him to what is now known as the
Americas. He reached the Bahamas on October 12. 

1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching
methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared
School Management." 

1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag
was officially flown during battle. 

1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 

1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War
I began when Britain declared war on Germany. 

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of
$2.75. 

1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave
Spain due to the Spanish Civil War. 

1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold
medals. 

1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a
private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to
apologize for the incident. 

1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island.


1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation
Sunshine." 

1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 

1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional
Air Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They
were fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 

1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise
Lake, FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or
stay out of sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 

1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made
between U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 

1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been
taken into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in
Moscow's Red Square. 

1989 Hashemi Rafsanjani was sworn in as the president of
Iran. 

1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of
the border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns
that the invasion of Kuwait could spread. 

1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end
the testing of nuclear weapons. 

1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet
under joint command. The agreement was to last for three
years. 

1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face
charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New
York's World Trade Center. 

2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the
public. The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks
on the U.S. on September 11, 2001. 

2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March
2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface
of Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 

2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to
declare the right of indigenous people to govern themselves.


2016  smiled.






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Mail not getting out 
Tuesday, August 2, 2016, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, August 2

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get $60 off!

McAfee Total Protection $29.99 ($60.00 Off)

This weekend only!


Start: 7/29/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/1/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


For USA McAfee Total Protection $29.99


For Canada McAfee Total Protection $29.99


This weekend only!

If you snooze, you loose $60


Todays Bonehead Award:
Jilted Palm Coast man goes gunning for 
ex-'swinger' partners
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 2, in

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire making cattle farming
in the Wild West economically feasible. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Anybody caught selling macrame in public should be dyed a
natural color and hung out to dry.
--- Calvin Trillin (1935 - )

An ounce of action is worth a ton of theory.
--- Friedrich Engels (1820 - 1895)

"A patriot must always be ready to defend his country 
against his government."
--- Edward Abbey (1927-1989)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A father and son went hunting together for the first time.
The father said, Stay here and be very QUIET. Ill be 
across the field.

Half an hour later, the father heard a blood curdling 
scream and ran back to his son.

What's wrong?  the father asked.  I told you to be quiet.
The son answered, Look, I was quiet when the snake slithered 
across my feet. I was quiet when the bear breathed down 
my neck. 

But when the two chipmunks crawled up my pant legs and 
said, 'Should we eat them here or take them with us?'  
I guess I just panicked.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






The cruise ship docked at a Mexican port during a very high 
tide. Everyone on board was forced to use the ship's narrow

gangplank as a passageway to the dock far below. The staff 
stood motionless when a passenger in her 70s appeared at 
the top of the plank. 

There wasn't room for anyone to assist her, so she edged 
along slowly and finally made it to the dock safely, to 
everyone's relief. As she stepped down, she turned, looked 
back to the top of the gangplank and shouted, "It's okay, 
Mother, you can come down now."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Missy for this one:
Dr. Cutter is the local Veterinarian, known for his wry
humor.
He surpassed himself one summer day when a city dog was
brought to him after an encounter with a porcupine.

After almost an hour of prying, pulling, cutting and
stitching, he returned the dog to its owner, who asked what
she owed.

"Ninety dollars, Ma'am," he answered.

"Why that's simply outrageous!" she stormed.  "That's what's
wrong with you Maine people, you're always trying to
overcharge summer visitors.  Whatever do you do in the
winter, when we're not here to be gypped out of our hard
earned money?"

"In Winter we raise porcupines, Ma'am."

______________________________________________________



Grand Canyon storm
From FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Scott Hurley, 
45,
Brewster Lane, Palm Coast
Florida

Jilted Palm Coast man goes gunning for 
ex-'swinger' partners

A jilted sex "swinger" was arrested after he fired multiple
shots at one member of a Bunnell couple with whom he and his
wife had been sex partners, according to the Flagler County
Sheriff's Office.

Scott Hurley, 45, of Brewster Lane, Palm Coast, was charged
with two counts aggravated assault with a deadly weapon in
connection with the Tuesday night incident. He was released
on $3,000 bail, records show.

According to an arrest report, the victim told officers that
Hurley fired about five gunshots at him and a friend as
they were standing in front of his Papaya Street home just
before 11:30 p.m. Tuesday. He said Hurley then sped off in
his Honda Civic and circled the block, passing the home a
second time with a friend in the passenger seat.

The Bunnell man told deputies Hurley has been harassing him
and his family since he and his wife decided to discontinue
their “swinger” relationship. Reports show deputies also
responded to the Papaya Street home Monday night after
Hurley followed the couple home from the Palm Coast Wal-
Mart. Officers reported finding several cardboard boxes
riddled with bullet holes set up in the road in front of the
couple’s home.

Hurley denied firing any shots, but told deputies he went to
the home to try to lure the Bunnell man into driving his
car, saying he knew his driver’s license was suspended.
Hurley said he was upset because of a previous argument and
the plan was part of a ruse to get the man arrested.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Amy
RE: Mail  not getting out
Dear Webby,
Dear Webby
Almost all of my friends and all my clients claim that they
are not getting my mail. When I send a test mail to myself,
it works OK. What am doing wrong?
Amy

Dear Amy
You are using a yahoo.com email.

Because Yahoo refuses to do anything effective to slow 
down the spam coming from there, all the big blacklists
have them blacklisted. Most of the anti-spam programs
USE those blacklists to pre-clean people's mails. 
Your mail gets trashed, unread. I only saw your mail 
because I was checking mail on the server.

As soon as you get a legitimate address, your mail will
get through again. If you don't have a computer at home
and just use the one at school or work, you can use any
decent web mail. Many ISP's offer it to their clients at
no extra charge, and for $1 - $5 to people who are not
dial-up or hosting clients.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

The pastor was talking to a group of young children about
being good and going to heaven. At the end of his talk, he
asked, "Where do you want to go?"

"Heaven!" Suzy cried out.

"And what do you have to be to get there?" asked the
preacher.

"Good and Dead!" yelled Little Johnny.

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Tip: Rinse and Reuse Coffee Filters

By tootic [2 Posts, 19 Comments]
I use the natural brown unbleached coffee filters for my
electric coffee pot and the non-electric one cup cone coffee
maker over and over again. These can be carefully rinsed and
air-dried to reuse and still work like new. The inexpensive
white ones will fall apart, but the better quality ones
should work also.

The one cup filter is rinsed out while still in the plastic
holder because these are more delicate due of the seam at
the bottom. Then hang upside down on a wooden spoon standing
up in dish strainer. The coffee basket ones can be hung over
the dish strainer edge to dry and then gently placed back in
basket pressing sides to fit snug enough to function like
new.

Keeps paper out of landfill plus stretches your budget.
You'll be surprised how many times you can reuse before
discarding.
By tootic from Plainville, CT

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A man from Edinburgh wrote to an English editor, "If you
don't stop printing those derogatory Scottish jokes, most
of which imply we're cheap, I'm going to quit stealing
your stupid magazine."

___________________________________________________

The Mirror

____________________________________________________

Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to
me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when
my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on
the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the
nurse.

Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour
and 45 minutes!"
-------------------
Due to double-booking it used to be just as bad at the
clinic, where my doctor is. So I simply slouched down and
had a nap. Other people did teh same. Management got the
hint when a whole bunch of us were snoring in concert.
They are keeping the wait time down to about 15 minutes now.

____________________________________________________

A group of expectant fathers sat nervously in the hall.  A 
nurse beckoned to one of them and said, "Congratulations,
you have a son!"

Another man dropped his magazine, jumped up and cried, 
"Hey, what's the idea?  I got here two hours before he did!"

____________________________________________________




 
The last frontier, our incredible oceans.





Today on August 2

1776 Members of the Continental Congress began adding their
signatures to the Declaration of Independence. 

1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a
joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the
first father-son pair to receive a patent. 

1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets. 

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire making cattle farming
in the Wild West economically feasible. 

1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 

1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first
showing of the Vitaphone System. The system was the
combining of picture and sound for movies. 

1938 Bright yellow baseballs were used in a major league
baseball game between the Brooklyn Dodgers and the St. Louis
Cardinals. It was hoped that the balls would be easier to
see. 

1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active
part in political campaigns. 

1943 The U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat, PT-109, sank after
being attacked by a Japanese destroyer. The boat was under
the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. 

1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 

1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese
attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin as if they
owned the place. 

1987 "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs" was re-released. The
film was 50 years old at the time of its re-release. 

1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq
claimed that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding
production quotas set by OPEC. 

1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force
officers. The two were said to have been caught spying on
military sites. 

2016  smiled.





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Protect address book hoax 
Monday, August 1, 2016, 10:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, August 1

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get $60 off!

McAfee Total Protection $29.99 ($60.00 Off)

This weekend only!


Start: 7/29/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/1/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


For USA McAfee Total Protection $29.99


For Canada McAfee Total Protection $29.99


This weekend only!

If you snooze, you loose $60


Todays Bonehead Award:
Indiana woman stabs hubby because he did 
not bring home donuts
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, August 1, in

1774 - Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist
Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Television has raised writing to a new low.
--- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)  

"I think the bottom-line difference between being single 
and married is this:  When you're single you're as happy 
as you are.  
When you're married, you can only be as happy as the 
least happy person in the apartment." 
---Tom Hertz
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton and George W. Bush died and
found themselves standing on the other side of the Jordan
River looking across at the Promised Land. 

Saint Peter was standing on the other side and shouted 
over to the three surprised Americans, "Contrary to what 
you have been taught, each of you will have to wade across 
the Jordan River." 

As he saw their perplexed looks, he assured them by saying, 
"Don't worry. You will sink only proportionally, according
to your sins on earth. The more you have sinned, the more
you will sink into the water." 

The three American sages of political lore looked at one 
another, trying to determine who would be the first brave 
soul to cross the Jordan River. 

George W. Bush volunteered to go first. Slowly he began 
to wade out into the river, and slowly the water began to
get higher and higher, reaching to his waist. George began
to sweat, thinking of all his sins that were coming back to
haunt him. He was beginning to wonder if he would ever see
the other side. Finally, after what seemed like an eternity,
he began to emerge on the river's other bank. 

As he ascended to the other side, he looked behind him to 
see who was next. A shock of surprise registered on his face

as he saw Hillary Clinton almost in the middle of the river,
and the water was only up to her ankles. 

He turned to Saint Peter and exclaimed, "I know about
Hillary Clinton, and she has sinned much, much more than
that!" 

Before Saint Peter could reply, Hillary Clinton, by now knee
deep in the water, was shouting: "Bill is sinking! Bill is
sinking!" 

Bill Clinton was nowhere in sight, so Bush yelled back to
Hillary Clinton, who was by now waist deep in the water:
"How would you know?"
"I'm standing on Bill's shoulders!"



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse
starts with the basics. 
"How much do you weigh?" she asks. 
"Oh, 'bout One-sixty-five." he says.

The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his
weight is 187.  The nurse asks, "Your height?" 

"Oh, 'bout six feet," he says. 

The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4
inches.

She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high.  

"High!" The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came
in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, durnit, I'm short and
overweight!"

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Gloria for this one:
I was in the kitchen one day, trying to reach the baking 
powder on the top shelf of a cabinet.  Being only five feet
tall, I had to stretch, but still couldn't grab the box.
Fortunately, I have two six-foot-tall sons whom I often call
to come to my rescue. 

"Hey, Brian!" I yelled to my second son, who was in the
living room. 
"Will you get your tallness in here and get this for me?" 

"Sure, Mom," he remarked as he bounded into the kitchen. 
"But next time, I'd prefer the title, 'Your Highness'." 

______________________________________________________



Alberta
from FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Michelle Nelson, 
37,
New Albany, 
Indiana

Indiana woman stabs hubby because he did 
not bring home donuts

A woman is in jail after police found her husband bleeding
from a stab wound in his chest in New Albany on Friday.

When police responded to the 200 block of Graybrook Lane
around 11:30 a.m., they found the man sitting against a tree
holding a T-shirt against his chest, according to the police
report. The T-shirt was soaked in blood.

The man told police he had gone to pick up doughnuts for his
wife, 37-year-old Michelle Nelson, New Albany, but the store
didn't have the type of doughnut she normally gets. When he
returned home without doughnuts, Nelson reportedly "got
upset at him for not know[ing] what else she liked after
being together for several years."

The man told police the argument escalated and he tried to
leave the home. Nelson allegedly blocked the door and the
man pushed her out of the way. That's when Nelson reportedly
lunged at her husband while holding a grill fork. The fork
punctured the man's chest.

The man told police he pulled the fork out of his chest and
left the home. Nelson allegedly followed him out the door
and continued yelling at him. A neighbor later told police
they hear arguing and saw Nelson chasing her husband down
the street. The neighbor said blood was running down the
man's chest. The neighbor also noted that the couple had
been fighting about every day recently.

The man was taken to Floyd Memorial Hospital and treated for
non-life threatening injuries, according to the report.
Police told the man that he may face a battery charge and
that the couple's child was taken into custody by the
Indiana Department of Child Services.

Nelson is preliminarily charged with aggravated battery. She
was booked into the Floyd County jail on a $75,000 cash-
surety bond.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
RE: Protect Address Book
Dear Webby,
You seem to know more about computors than anyone that I 
know and I don't like sending chain letters but will this
really 
work?
-------------------------------------------
Here is a copy of an email message I received from a friend.

It might help you protect your Address Book. 

HOW TO PROTECT YOUR ADDRESS BOOK! 
I learned a computer trick today that's really ingenious in
its simplicity. As you may know, when/if a worm virus gets
into your computer it heads straight for your email address
book blah, blah, blah...

In the window where you would type your friend's first name,

type in "A". For the screen name or email address, type 
"AAAAAAA@AAA.AAA". Blah, blah, blah....
If everybody you know does this then you need not ever worry
about opening mail from friends. 
Pass this on to all your friends.
Do you Yahoo!?
----------------------------------
Betty B


Dear Betty
Silly stuff like that is a complete waste of time. 
How would the mail program know that ".AAA" is not one of 
those wacky new hillbilly domains that the spammers are 
advertising, like ".new", ".inf", ".kid", ".prn", ".boz",
etc.?

There is NO substitute for a proper anti-virus program. 

Whenever you read "Pass this on to all your friends.",
then 
you KNOW it is just some prankster testing your
gullibility, and harvesting addresses. After all, if you
fall for THAT hoax, then there is no limit to what kind of
silly stuff can be sold to you.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the 
unusual findings he had made.

"For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at 
a distance of 300 miles."

"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles
away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.

"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but it
sounds something like 'Heeeeeeey! Can you hear meeeeee?'." 

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clean Stainless Steel with Magic Eraser

By Judy Pariser S. [131 Posts, 126 Comments]

I got this terrific stainless steel whistling tea kettle at
the church thrift shop yesterday for $2 (half price sale.)
It was full of grease and dirt. The black handle had some
white residue on it. I figured for $2 I could take a chance
and see how the steel part cleaned up with a soap-filled
pad. I assumed the handle would always be stained, but I
could live with it.

The lady working there told me to use a Magic Eraser instead
of steel wool to clean it. I use the knock-offs from the
dollar store. Within 2 minutes the entire kettle, including
the bottom and handle, looked like new, and I only used half
of one pad.
I wish I had taken before pictures, but you can see the
beautiful after results.



______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when 
life begins.
"Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life
starts when the heart begins to beat."

"We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe
life starts at the moment of conception."

"Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts
when the kids move out."

___________________________________________________

A genius says good bye

____________________________________________________

A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is
ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself: 
"I'd give anything to sink this next putt." 

A stranger walks up to him and whispers: "Would you give up 
a fourth of your sex life?" 
The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will
be meaningless but also that perhaps this is a good omen and

will put him in the right frame of mind to make the
difficult putt and says, "OK." 
He sinks the putt. 

Two holes later he mumbles to himself: "Boy, if I could only
get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his
side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex
life?" 

The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure." 
He makes an eagle. 

Down to the final hole. The golfer needs yet another eagle
to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his
side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of
your sex life to win this match?" 

The golfer says, "Certainly." 
He makes the eagle. 

As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks 
alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair
with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and
from now on you will have no sex life." 

"Nice to meet you," says the golfer. 
"My name's Father O'Malley, and my balls are buried in 
Vietnam." 

____________________________________________________

Bob bought a dog the other day, a really smart one!
However, Bob's not really that bright. He named him "Stay". 
At first he had fun to calling him... "Come here, Stay! 
Come here, Stay!" 

Now the dog just ignores me and keeps typing. 

____________________________________________________




 
Unlikely animal friendships.





Today on August 1
1498 - Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa"
(Venezuela). 

1774 - Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist
Carl Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

1834 - Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an
emancipation bill. 

1873 - Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable rail
car. The design was done for San Francisco, CA. 

1893 - Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and
William Ford. 

1894 - The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was
over control of Korea. 

1907 - The U.S. Army established an aeronautical division
that later became the U.S. Air Force. 

1914 - Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of
World War I. 

1936 - Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they
opened in Berlin. 

1943 - In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo
boat PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer
Amagiri. The boat was under the command of Lt. John F.
Kennedy. Eleven of the thirteen crew survived. 

1944 - In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising against Nazi
occupation began. The revolt continued until October 2 when
insurgent forces surrendered. 

1946 - In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was
established. 

1953 - The first aluminum-faced building was completed. It
was the first of this type in America. 

1957 - The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was
created by the United States and Canada. 

1973 - The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 

1975 - The Helsinki accords pledged the signatory nations to
respect human rights. 

1995 - Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to
buy CBS for $5.4 billion. 

2006 - Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power
when he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent
an intestinal surgery.

2016  smiled.





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Surveillance by Government 
Sunday, July 31, 2016, 08:51 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Sunday, July 31

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get $60 off!

McAfee Total Protection $29.99 ($60.00 Off)

This weekend only!


Start: 7/29/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/1/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


For USA McAfee Total Protection $29.99


For Canada McAfee Total Protection $29.99


This weekend only!

If you snooze, you loose $60


Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Iowa mom took toddler to bar, 
punched child and officer
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 31, in

1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the
Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad.

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep
proving your talent to people who have none.
--- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)

"The great question that has never been answered 
and which I have not been able to answer....is, 
What does a women want?"
 --- Sigmund Freud

 "A man is given the choice between loving women and
understanding them." 
--- Ninon de Lenclos (1620-1705)
 
"To be great is to be misunderstood."  
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
 
and misquoted.
--- Socratex

Write a wise saying and your name will live forever.
-- Anon
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Nan
I sat there waiting for my new doctor to make his way 
through the file that contained my very extensive medical 
history. 
After he finished all 17 pages, he looked at me and said, 
"You look better in person than you do on paper."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Doug was describing a 30 pound bass he'd caught recently
after fighting it for three hours. Bill interrupted the
story saying, "I saw the picture you took of that fish.
You're lucky if it even weighed 10 pounds." 

Doug replied, "Well . . . a fish can lose an awful lot of
weight during three hours of fighting."

______________________________________________________

Lisa was out driving her car and while stopped at a red
light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and
the traffic behind her was starting to pile up. The guy
in the car directly behind her was honking his horn
continuously as Lisa continued to try getting the car to
start up again.

Finally Lisa gets out of her car and approaches the guy
in the car behind her. "I can't seem to get my car started,"
Lisa said, smiling. "Would you be a sweetheart and go and
see if you can get it started for me. I'll stay here in
your car and be a stupid nuisance on your horn for you."

______________________________________________________




Millau Viaduct, France

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Mary Jane Carpenter,
25,
Des Moines
Iowa

Drunk Iowa mom took toddler to bar, 
punched child and officer

An Iowa mother is in custody after police say she was
already drunk when she took her two-year-old daughter to a
bar, according to WHO-TV.

Police say they responded to Miss V’s Honky Tonk Island Bar
on Hubbell Avenue just before 3:30 p.m. Wednesday after a
911 call from a bartender.

Officials say 25-year-old Mary Jane Carpenter was
intoxicated when she arrived at the bar with her child.
While she drank at the bar, the toddler was running around
and rolling on the floor. Police say Carpenter brought the
beverage she was drinking in with her, and was not served by
the bartender.

A bartender was upset because Carpenter was not supervising
her child. When the bartender confronted her, she slammed
down her drink and began yelling obscenities, police told
WHO-TV.

Carpenter left the bar with the child and a witness followed
her, concerned for the child’s safety. The bartender then
called police.

The witness told police Carpenter ran west on Hubbell and
was acting erratically when she abandoned her child in a
stroller. The witness stayed with the child and Carpenter
eventually returned before police arrived.

Officers say Carpenter was clearly under the influence of
alcohol and perhaps another substance. She was taken into
custody at that point without incident.

A breath test administered on scene yielded a blood alcohol
content of .183. A partially full water bottle containing
vodka was also found in the child’s stroller.

Carpenter was allowed to comfort her child in the back of a
police car while they waited for a family member to arrive
to take care of the child.

While in the back of the police car, Carpenter was able to
remove her handcuffs. When officers noticed, they removed
the child from the back seat and Carpenter became very
upset. While trying to get the toddler back, she punched the
child and the officer in the face.

Carpenter was taken to the ground and handcuffed again.

Police say she is facing charges of child endangerment,
assault on a police officer, and public intoxication.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Claudia
RE: Surveillance
Dear Webby,
I read that the Government is installing "Black Boxes" at
ISP's to record where everybody surfs to and what we all
email and what we download. Is there any truth to that? Some
company was advertising software that would protect our
privacy, but if that is stored in a little black box at the
ISP, how can software on my computer stop that?
Claudia

Dear Claudia
You have been reading too much spam.
Remember, spammers lie !
A project to record what everybody does on the net would
cost too many Billions of dollars, and there is no "little
black box" that could hold all the data that goes through an
ISP.

They may record what certain terrorists do, or politicians,
but that is no different from phone surveillance. There
simply is way too much data to record. 

Unless you are a terrorist or serious criminal, don't worry
about it.

And you are right with your hunch. Software on your PC can 
only eliminate data that is on your PC. 

If you are really worried, try Martin's solution.



Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Some teachers at state universities get to know our students
fairly well. One instructor told his communications class
of his plans to propose marriage.

A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his
girlfriend to marry him as well.

"What was her answer?" the instructor asked.

"I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't answered
my e-mailed yet."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pumpkin Mousse Pie

By paula [19 Posts, 81 Comments]

This recipe is a reminder of pumpkin pie, yet lighter and
fluffier.
Ingredients:
1 single pie crust (I used Pillsbury roll out dough)
2 boxes of pumpkin Jello pudding
2 cups of cold milk
6 Tbsp. of brown sugar
2 cups of whipped cream (made from scratch) or Cool Whip
plus 1 1/2 cups for garnish
4 Tbsp. of butter
1/2 cup of pecan halves or large pieces
 
Directions:
Roll out the pie crust on a lightly floured surface until 12
inches in diameter. Place in a 9 inch pie plate, do not tuck
the edges under as you would with a regular pie. You only
want them to drape upward in ruffles. Use a fork to prick
the bottom and sides of crust. Bake pie crust in a 450
degree F. oven for 10-14 minutes or until edges are lightly
browned. Remove from oven and let cool-about 15 minutes.
Mix both boxes of pudding with with the 2 cups of milk. Beat
by hand with a whisk for 2 minutes making sure all the
pudding is dissolved

Fold in the whipped cream until thoroughly mixed.
Spoon into cooled pie crust, smoothing out the top.
Melt butter in a saute skillet, when melted add pecans and
brown sugar. Cook until butter and brown sugar are blended
well remove from heat and let cool 5-8 minutes.
While pecans cool pipe whipped cream around the edge of the
pie or you can dollop on what will be individual pieces.
After the pecans have cooled a bit spoon over the mousse and
garnish whipped cream as well.
If you have more pecans then you care to use store in a
Ziploc bag and use on Ice cream.

Refrigerate until serving.

Servings:	6
Time:	10 Minutes Preparation Time

15 Minutes Cooking Time


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Here is a classic from the days before the Internet:

A guy wanted to buy a gift for his new girl friend's
birthday and as they had only started dating, after careful
consideration, he decided a pair of gloves would strike the
right note: personal, but not too personal.

Accompanied by the girl friend's older sister, he went to 
Herrod's and bought a pair of white gloves. The sister 
purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, however, the clerk got the items mixed 
up and the sister got the gloves and the girl friend got
the panties. 

The guy sent the package to the girl friend with the
following note:

I chose these because I noticed you are not in the habit of 
wearing any in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister, I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons,
but she wears the short ones that are easier to remove. 

These are a delicate shade, but the sales clerk that helped 
me showed me the ones that she has been wearing for the 
past three weeks and they are hardly soiled. 

I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart. 
I wish I was there to put them on for you the first time,
as no doubt other hands will come into contact with them 
before I have a chance to see you again. 

When you take them off, remember to blow into them before 
putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp
from wearing. Just think how many times I will kiss them 
during the coming year. 

I hope you will wear them for me Friday night.

All my love.

PS: The latest style is to wear them folded down with a 
little fur showing.
            
___________________________________________________

Best Ad

____________________________________________________

A young couple had just returned from their honeymoon and 
were settling down in their new apartment. Coming home 
from work one night, the landlady met the man in the
hallway. 
She said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in
town tonight, and I wonder if you and your bride would like
to have them?"

"I'll ask her," the young man responded. He opened his door 
and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver
Twist' tonight?"

"Hey, Pal," she retorted. "If you show me one more trick
with that thing, I'm going home to mother."

____________________________________________________

Pastor Dave Charlton says, "After a worship service at 
First Baptist Church in Newcastle, Kentucky, a mother with 
a fidgety seven-year-old boy told me how she finally got her 
son to sit still and be quiet.

"About halfway through the sermon, she leaned over and 
whispered, 'If you don't be quiet, Pastor Charlton is going 
to lose his place and will have to start his sermon all over 
again!'

"It worked."

____________________________________________________




 
There has to be a trick to this but I can't for the life of me figure it out!





Today on July 31
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the
Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for
his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance
was used in fertilizer. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He
introduced MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on
the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a
series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in
Austria. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group
is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and
separatist organization. 

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures
of the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in
a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage
William R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in
the U.S. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction
Treaty. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It
was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface.
The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature length
films sold. 

2016  smiled.





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How much surveillance is there? 
Saturday, July 30, 2016, 08:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Saturday, July 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get $60 off!

McAfee Total Protection $29.99 ($60.00 Off)

This weekend only!


Start: 7/29/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/1/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


For USA McAfee Total Protection $29.99


For Canada McAfee Total Protection $29.99


This weekend only!

If you snooze, you loose $60


Todays Bonehead Award:
St Louis mother asked relatives to kill witnesses 
in son’s murder trial.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 29, in

1945 - The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the
Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only
316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil
is for good men to do nothing." 
--- Edmund Burke  
 
"The world is a dangerous place to live,
not because of the people who are evil, but
because of the people who don't do anything about it."
--- Albert Einstein  

You must learn from the mistakes of others. You can't
possibly live long enough to make them all yourself.
--- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980)

Ideas are much like children - 
 your own are wonderful.
 --- Socratex

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep
proving your talent to people who have none.
--- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Gayle for this one:
An older gentleman was on the operating table awaiting 
surgery and he insisted that his son, a renowned surgeon, 
perform the operation. 

As he was about to get the anesthesia he asked to speak 
to his son. "Yes, Dad, what is it?"
"Don't be nervous, son; do your best and just remember, if
it doesn't go well, if something happens to me,  your mother
is going to come and live with you and your wife...."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






When my son first start dating he said, "I want to marry a
beautiful woman, a good woman, a smart woman, one 
who'll be a good mother to our kids, a woman who will 
make me happy."

I told him he'd better make up his mind.

______________________________________________________

It was testimony night in the church. A lady got up and
said, "We are living in a wicked land where sin is on every
hand. I have had a terrible fight with the old devil all
week."

Whereupon her husband, who was sitting glumly by her side
said, "It's not all the devil's fault either; she's pretty
hard to get along with."

______________________________________________________




Detians, China. From FB

______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by the Bausell Sailor

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Latasha Mopkins

St Louis,
MO

St Louis mother asked relatives to kill witnesses 
in son’s murder trial.

The St. Louis Circuit Attorney’s Office has filed charges
against five people in connection with a conspiracy to kill
key witnesses for a woman’s son on trial for murder,
according to KTVI.

A St. Louis teen is accused of murder, and his mother is
accused having two witnesses killed, to keep her son out of
jail. This started with the murder of a 16-year-old almost
three years ago. Police arrested a suspect, but prosecutors
dropped the charges last year.

"We had a mom who wanted to make sure her son did not go to
jail, wasn't found guilty of his murder charges. So, she
started this plan. That's what set it off. She used
relatives and other people that she knew to make sure that
they were quieted." said Assistant Circuit Attorney Beth
Orwick.

In September 2013, 16-year old Chauncey Brown was gunned
down near Club 187 in north St. Louis. Homicide detectives
with the St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department believed
Brown, a student at Sumner High School, was killed over a
long-standing feud.

The rest of the story of all the related murders is at 
WQAD8

Who said BLM stands for "Black Lies & Murder" ?

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Claudia
RE: Surveillance
Dear Webby,
I read that the Government is installing "Black Boxes" at
ISP's to record where everybody surfs to and what we all
email and what we download. Is there any truth to that? Some
company was advertising software that would protect our
privacy, but if that is stored in a little black box at the
ISP, how can software on my computer stop that?
Claudia

Dear Claudia
You have been reading too much spam.
Remember, spammers lie !
A project to record what everybody does on the net would
cost too many Billions of dollars, and there is no "little
black box" that could hold all the data that goes through an
ISP.

They may record what certain terrorists do, or politicians,
but that is no different from phone surveillance. There
simply is way too much data to record. 

Unless you are a terrorist or serious criminal, don't worry
about it.

And you are right with your hunch. Software on your PC can 
only eliminate data that is on your PC. 

If you are really worried, try Martin's solution.

http://webby.com/humor/Martins-hot-PC.jpg

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Groan Alert:
It was very windy, and this particular little girl was only 
six years old and small for her age. When her mother asked 
her to clean off the front sidewalk, the wind nearly blew 
her away. She picked up the broom countless times, but each 
time, the wind got the best of her and knocked her over. 

Her mother came out a few minutes later to see how she was 
doing and found her stuffing rocks in her pocket. "I thought 
you were cleaning off the sidewalk," her mother said. "What 
in the world are you doing?" 

The little girl replied: "Now? I weigh me down to sweep."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Chocolate Oat Loaf

By Judy Pariser S. [130 Posts, 120 Comments]
Approximate Time: 35-40 minutes to bake, 
10 minutes to prepare
Yield: 12 slices

Ingredients:
2 cups old-fashioned oats
1 Tbsp pumpkin pie spice
1 Tbsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1/2 tsp baking soda
1 cup pumpkin puree (I used 1/2 can of pumpkin)
1 cup almond milk (I'm sure regular milk or 
another liquid could be substituted)
1 Tbsp pure vanilla extract
2 eggs
3/4 cup chocolate chips

Steps:
Preheat oven to 350 degrees F.
Grease a loaf pan.
In a bowl, combine the dry ingredients.

In a smaller bowl, combine the wet ingredients.

Stir the wet ingredients into the bowl with the dry
ingredients.

Fold in the chocolate chips.

Put into the prepared loaf pan.
Bake 35-45 minutes or until the center is firm.

Cool 10 minutes, then remove from the pan and finish
cooling.
Wrap and place in the refrigerator. It will slice better
when refrigerated.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Looking for something different for my sister's birthday, I 
decided on a pair of pajamas made up of bright scenic
prints 
of the natural wonders of the world. I wrapped them up and 
sent them off. 
Now I just received this e-mail from her...

"You Bozo," she wrote. "I don't mind having '12,948 feet
high' indicated on my chest, but I thoroughly resent 
"greatest natural span" across my bottom!"
               
___________________________________________________

Choirboys singing

____________________________________________________

A man was going to the dentist to get some teeth pulled. 
The dentist was about to give the man some local anesthesia 
to numb the pain.

"Don't give me any drugs doc, having a tooth pulled is 
relatively easy, and it's quick.", the man said.

The doctor pulled the first tooth out and the man just 
grunted. Then the doctor attempted to pull the second 
tooth, only this one snapped in half and the dentist knocked
another tooth out with his pliers. 
But again the man just grunted.

"Wow, that sure is a lot of pain just to grunt at, have you 
ever felt pain like that before?" asked the amazed dentist.

"Well, twice actually." said the man, "The first time was 
when I was out in the woods and had to take use a washrom
really bad. The sit-down type. I pulled down my pants and 
jumped over this log. Just then a bear trap closed on my
balls and I started running...."

"Damn that must have hurt." the dentist interrupted. 
"What was the second time?"

"Oh, that would have been when the bear trap came to the 
end of it's chain."

____________________________________________________

HOW MANY DOGS DOES IT TAKE 
TO CHANGE A LIGHT BULB?

Golden Retriever: The sun is shining. The day is young. 
We've got our whole lives ahead of us. And you're inside 
worrying about a stupid, burned-out light bulb?

Border Collie: Just one. Not only that, but I'll replace any

wiring that's not up to code.

Dachshund: I can't reach the stupid lamp!

German Shepard: No. You told me to sit.

Toy Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border collie's ear and
he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my
nails will be dry.

Rottweiler: You can bring a new lightbulb in, but you are
NOT going to take any lightbulbs or any of my other toys out
of this room. Ever.

Shi-tzu: Puh-leeze, dah-ling.  What are servants for?

Lab: Oh, me, me!!!  Pleeeeeeze let me change the light bulb!

Can I? Can I?  Huh?  Huh?  Can I?

Malamute: Let the Border collie do it.  You can feed me
while he's busy.

Doberman Pinscher: While it's dark, I'm going to sleep on
the couch.

Mastiff: Mastiffs are NOT afraid of the dark.

Hound Dog: ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ

Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb.Yo quiero Taco Bulb.Yo 
quiero Taco Bulb.Yo quiero Taco Bulb.Yo quiero Taco Bulb.

Pointer: I see it, there it is, right there...

Greyhound: It isn't moving. I don't see it.

Australian Shepherd: Put all the light bulbs in a little
circle...

Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? Light bulb? That thing I
just ate was a light bulb?

____________________________________________________




 
What unusual rings!





Today on July 30

1502 - Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay
Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 

1898 - "Scientific America" carried the first magazine
automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company
of Cleveland, OH. 

1942 - The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women's
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the
U.S. Navy. 

1945 - The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese
submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the
Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only
316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 - The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 - U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social
Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went
into effect the following year. 

1974 - The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee
voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate
investigation and for abuse of power. 

1987 - Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm
the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 - In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile
rolled off the assembly line. 

1991 - In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl
Radio & TV Tower. 

1998 - A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call
themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball
jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 - Lance Armstrong became the first American to win
three consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 - In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagon Beetle
rolled off an assembly line. 

2016  smiled.






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Mysterious dial-up 
Friday, July 29, 2016, 08:08 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, July 29
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get $60 off!

McAfee Total Protection $29.99 ($60.00 Off)

This weekend only!


Start: 7/29/2016 12:00 AM Pacific

End: 8/1/2016 11:59 PM Pacific


For USA McAfee Total Protection $29.99


For Canada McAfee Total Protection $29.99


This weekend only!

If you snooze, you loose $60



Todays Bonehead Award:
Georgia man won $3 million in lottery, 
used money to build failed crystal meth empire
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 29, in

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The great thing about democracy is that it gives every voter
a chance to do something stupid.
--- Art Spander 

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, 
a bore is  someone who talks to you about himself, 
and a brilliant  conversationalist is one who talks to 
you about yourself. 
--- Lisa Kirk
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

There was a woman who spent some months serving 
God in Kenya.  On her final visit to a remote township 
she attended a medical clinic.  

As the Maasai women there began to sing together, 
she found herself deeply moved by their hauntingly 
beautiful harmonies.  She wanted to always remember 
this moment and try to share it with friends when she 
arrived home.  

With tears flowing down her cheeks, she turned to her 
friend and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation 
of the words to this song?"

Her friend looked at her and solemnly replied, 
"If you boil the water, you won't get the shits."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






SMALL TYPOS THAT CAN CHANGE THE MEANING
(and ruin a beautiful resume):

--Education:  College, August 1880-May 1984.

--Work Experience:  Dealing with customers' conflicts
  that arouse.

--Develop and recommend an annual operating expense fudget.

--I'm a rabid typist.

--Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest
  chain operation.

______________________________________________________

On a curvy mountain highway late one night, Bob was 
complaining about the car behind us. "That guy must be
drunk!" he said. "Every time I move over to let him pass, he
slows down. When I get back on the road, he gets closer and
stays on my tail."  

Thirty minutes later, the car turned on a set of flashing
blue lights. Coming up to his window, the officer said, 
"Sir, I'd like you to take an alcohol test. You've been 
swerving on and off the road for half an hour."

--------------------
That happened to me too once. However, I knew the road
and decided to outrun the "drunk".

His buddies were waiting for me in the next town in the 
morning, when I stopped for coffee.


______________________________________________________

Thanks to Lillemor for this picture bfrom Sweden


Sweden
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________

Reported by Annette

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Ronnie Music Jr., 
45,
Brunswick,
Georgia

Georgia man won $3 million in lottery, 
used money to build failed crystal meth empire

It didn’t work out for Ronnie Music Jr., 45, who won $3
million in a scratch-off lottery game last year and decided
to invest that money in a crystal meth trafficking ring,
according to the Atlanta Journal Constitution.

According to federal prosecutors, Music pleaded guilty last
week on federal drug trafficking and firearms charges. His
co-conspirators were caught trying to sell 11 pounds of
crystal meth worth about $500,000 in September 2015. Music
was then identified as the supplier, prosecutors said.

He allegedly used money from his lottery win to buy the meth
so he could resell it. During the investigation, agents
seized more than $1 million in meth along with guns,
ammunition, vehicles and $600,000 in cash.

“Music decided to test his luck by sinking millions of
dollars of lottery winnings into the purchase and sale of
crystal meth,” said U.S. Attorney Ed Tarver.

Tarver said the “unsound investment strategy” could result
in a life sentence.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Kay
RE: Mysterious dial-up
Dear Webby,
My internet dial up screen keeps poping up...not so much
when I'm on the internet, but when I'm working off line...is
there any thing I can do to correct this?
Thanks again for all the laughs and good information that
you send every day.
Kay

Dear Kay
Usually that is a sign of some spy-ware trying to report on
you, or of some mal-ware trying to dial you up via a
Caribbean connection.

I would most urgently advise to run 
MalwareBytes, McAfee, and Spybot-Search&Destroy,
in that order, immediately! 

In very rare occasions that mystery dialling can be cause by
a wrong setting in your mail program AND your dial-up set-
up. If the mystery dialling stops if all Internet related
programs like the mail program are shut down, then that
would indicate that the mail program is trying to check the
mail every so many minutes even when you are off-line. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor 
and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a 
suburban neighborhood.

They parked their truck the end of the alley and worked 
their way to the other end.  At the last house, a woman 
looking out her kitchen window watched the two men as 
they checked her gas meter.

Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged 
his younger co-worker to a foot race down the alley back 
to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a 
younger one.

As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady
from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind 
them.  They stopped and asked her what was wrong.

Gasping for breath, she replied, 
"When I saw two men from the gas company running as 
hard as you two were, I figured I'd better run too!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cocoa Brownie Recipe

By Robin [5,891 Posts, 29 Comments]
Ingredients
3/4 cup flour
1 cup sugar
1/4 tsp. salt
1/4 cup cocoa
1/2 cup soft butter
2 eggs
1 tsp. vanilla
1/2 cup chopped nuts

Directions
Greased 8x8 inch pan. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Sift
dry ingredients together into large mixing bowl. Add butter,
eggs, and vanilla. Beat for 2 minutes on medium speed. Clean
off beater and remove. Stir in nuts with a wooden spoon
until just distributed. Turn into prepared pan and spread
out to even thickness. Bake 20-22 minutes or until barely
done. Mark, cool in pan on cake rack, then cut and store
like brownies. Makes 16 (2 inch) brownies.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Summer Break was over and the teacher was asking the 
class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and
asked what he did over the break.

"We visited my grandmother in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania," 
he replied.

"That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher
said. "Can you tell the class how you spell 'Punxsutawney'?"

Little Johnny thought about it and said, "You know, come to 
think of it, we went to Ohio."
               
___________________________________________________

When The Roses Bloom Again: Billy Bragg and Wilco

____________________________________________________

A child's greatest period of growth is the month after 
you've purchased new school clothes.

____________________________________________________

> From Phil
I went to a medical clinic for an electrocardiogram.  While 
the technician was lining up her machine, I told her I have
dextrocardia.

"What's that?" she asked.

"It means my heart is on the right side of my chest rather 
than on the left," I answered.  "You should set up your 
machine to that side or the signals will be too weak and 
confusing."

As she attached the wires, she asked casually, 
"Tell me, have you had that for long?"

____________________________________________________




 
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! Best of the week July, 2016





Today on July 29

1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle
of Gravelines. 

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out
Jean Petit from France. 

1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S.
patent for the lawn-tennis court. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile
swim down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established.


1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration
(NASA) was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's
stance against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to
lift collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government
welcomed the action and announced its intention to open
serious discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were
married. 

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be
the home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant. 

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio
autoworker John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard
"Ivan the Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and
he was set free. 

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40
years after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths
and birth defects. 

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike
against General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in
lost revenues. 

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new
planet (Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.

2016  smiled.






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Too many Pop-Ups 
Thursday, July 28, 2016, 09:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, July 28

Thank you, Joseph!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illinois Minister caught breaking into another church 
and trying to pry open the safe to steal money.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 28, in

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. 150 years ago.

More of what happened on this day in
history.




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Most people would like to be delivered from temptation but
would like it to keep in touch.
--- Robert Orben

A gossip is someone who talks to you about others, 
a bore is  someone who talks to you about himself, 
and a brilliant  conversationalist is one who talks to 
you about yourself. 
--- Lisa Kirk
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Robert
Florida woman stops alligator attack using a small Beretta
pistol  
 
This is a story of self-control and marksmanship by a brave,
cool-headed woman with a small pistol against a fierce
predator.  What is the smallest caliber that you would trust
to protect yourself? 
 
A Beretta Jetfire testimonial.... Here is her story in her
own words:
"While out walking along the edge of a pond just outside my
house in The Villages with my soon to be ex-husband
discussing property settlement and other divorce issues, we
were surprised by a huge 24-ft. alligator which suddenly
emerged from the murky water and began charging us with its
large jaws wide open.  She must have been protecting her
nest because she was extremely aggressive.  If I had not had
my little Beretta Jetfire .25 caliber pistol with me, I
would not be here today!"  
 
"Just one shot to my estranged husband's knee cap was all it
took.... The 'gator got him easily and I was able to escape
by just walking away at a brisk pace.  It's one of the best
pistols in my collection!  Plus the amount I saved in
lawyer's fees was really incredible."
 
"His insurance was the big bonus. I'm comfortable now."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Bob : "Now my grandfather, he knew the exact day of the
year that he was going to die. It was the right year too.
Not only that, but he knew what time he would die that day,
and he was right about that too."

Bill : "Wow, that's Incredible. How did he know all of
that?"

Bob : "The judge told him."

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Gayle for bringng back this classic:
When I found this recipe, I thought it was perfect for
people, like me, and bachelors who just are not sure how to
tell when poultry is thoroughly cooked, but not dried out.
Give this a try. 
 
BAKED STUFFED CHICKEN 
6-7 lb. chicken 
1 cup melted butter 
1 cup stuffing (Pepperidge Farm is good.) 
1 cup uncooked popcorn (ORVILLE REDENBACHER'S LOW FAT) 
salt/pepper to taste 
______________________________ 
Preheat oven to 350 degrees. 
Brush chicken well with melted butter, salt, and pepper.
Fill cavity with stuffing and popcorn. Place in baking pan
with the neck end toward the back of the oven. Listen for
the popping sounds. 

When the chicken's butt blows the oven door open and the
chicken flies across the room, its done!!! 

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Jim for this picture:


Lake Erie
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

David Utt,
39,
Canmton,
Illinois

Illinois Minister caught breaking into another church 
and trying to pry open the safe to steal money.

The minister of a Canton church was arrested Monday and
charged with burglarizing another church, according to
Canton police.

David R. Utt, 39, of Canton was charged with burglary to a
church, criminal damage to property over $300, and
possession of burglary tools, police said in a news release.
He remained in the Fulton County Jail in Lewistown on
$60,000 bond Tuesday.

Utt is minister of the New Hope Community Church in downtown
Canton, police said in the news release.

About 1:10 a.m. Monday, Canton officers on patrol saw a
minivan in the back parking lot of the First Church of the
Nazarene, 2051 E. Chestnut St. The van was partially in the
grass with the windows down and the key in the ignition. The
van was still warm, but no one was around the vehicle.

Officers located an open door in the church and began a
search. After hearing a noise, they found Utt using tools to
try to break into the office safe, according to the news
release.

And though Utt played poor mouth to police, he was released
from jail a day later, on $6,000 cash bail.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: David
RE: Pop-Ups
Dear Webby,
HELP.
The kids computer is basically useless.  They can do nothing
put close down pop-ups.  They don't stop.

I wonder if this is related.  My wife noted a pop-up,
looking like an "official" Microsoft warning implying she
needed to do a download.  Reading it carefully, she noted
that by clicking ok, she was giving permission for some
company to hit her up with a pop-up at least once a minute.
Obviously, she deleted it.  Suspect the kids may have come 
across the same thing and not read it so carefully.  
Any suggestions?
David  

I would run Spybot-Search&Destroy.
You can get it free at https://www.safer-networking.org/dl/
If that doesn't help, format and re-install Windows.

Also check your phone bill carefully. Some of those things
wait for the screen saver to come on, then take the machine
off-line and quietly dial back up via some Caribbean ISP, 
at $25 or more per minute.

Call your phone company and get them to restrict the line, 
to which the kid's computer is connected, to local calls
only. 

Ask for confirmation of that IN WRITING, and also write down

the date, time, and the name or number of the operator who 
accepted your order for the local-only setting. 
At $25 per minute even one hour can make a huge difference 
in your phone bill.

Until you have placed that order, and have some proof that 
you did, you don't have a leg to stand on for disputing
calls that HAVE been made from your house to those places.

DSL is a bit safer, and cable is currently quite safe in
that regard. But to get rid of the nuisance pop-ups you
still need to run Spybot-Search&Destroy. 

There are simple pop-up stoppers available, but those 
often cause more trouble than they are worth. Best to 
just clean the system and get rid of the spyware.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

The personnel office received an email requesting a listing 
of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The 
personnel office sent this reply:

"Attached is a list of our staff.  We currently have no one 
who is broken down by age or sex. However, we have a 
few alcoholics in the shipping department."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Personal Apple Pies
By Cory [15 Posts, 93 Comments]
This was a quick solution when I had family at the last
minute for dinner. My in-laws favorite dessert is apple pie,
so I made these muffin tin personal pies. This took me about
1 1/4 hours from prep to finish. I made the crust and
filling from scratch. You could use pre-made crust and
filling to cut the time by more than half.
 
Approximate Time: 1 1/4 hours
Yield: 12 individual piesPersonal Apple Pies

Ingredients:
Filling
4-6 large apples
1/2 tsp cinnimon
1/4 cup sugar
1 Tbsp flour
Crust
2 cups flour
1 tsp salt
2/3 cup shortening
5-7 Tbsp ice cold water

Steps:
To make filling: wash, peel and dice apples.
Personal Apple PiesPersonal Apple Pies
Add cinnamon, flour, and sugar. Mix together and set aside.

To make the crust: sift flour and salt together in a bowl.
Place flour and salt mixture in a food processor. Add
shortening. Blend until pea sized pieces form.
Through food processor spout add ice cold water slowly one
tablespoon at a time.

Add water until all flour mixture in moistened and pull away
from edges of food processor to form a ball. Do not add more
than 7 Tbsp. of water.

Divide dough in half.
Personal Apple PiesPersonal Apple Pies
Roll dough out slightly thicker than when putting in a pie
plate.

Cut dough into approximately 4 inch squares and line muffin
tins with them.
Personal Apple PiesPersonal Apple Pies
Place filling in each individual tin, and fold over dough.

Bake at 350 degrees F for about 30 minutes or until golden
brown.

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

A woman devised her own system for labeling homemade 
meals she stored in the freezer.  Instead of calling them 
Chicken Parmigiana or Meatloaf, she labeled them 
Whatever, Anything, I Don't Know and, her favorite, Food.  

That way when she asked her husband what he wanted 
for dinner, she was certain to have it on hand.
               
___________________________________________________

When The Roses Bloom Again: Billy Bragg and Wilco

____________________________________________________

One day a four-year-old son and his mother were watching 
TV.  As they sat on the couch, she stated rubbing his head 
and noticed his hair was getting long. She told him he 
needed another haircut, then asked him, 
"Why does your hair grow so fast?" 
 
He replied, "Because you water it too much!"

____________________________________________________

You have all seen those little hand-painted signs hung in so

many kitchens.  Many are heartwarming and homey, but many 
are simply hilarious.  Here is a collection of the funnier
ones:

*A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen 
and this kitchen is delirious.

*No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

*A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives 
the impression he just cleaned the whole house.

*A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

*Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

*Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they 
shall never cease to be amused.

*A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

*Help keep the kitchen clean - take me out for supper.

*Housework done properly, can kill you.

*Countless number of people have eaten in this kitchen 
and gone on to lead fairly normal lives.

____________________________________________________




 
What young people looked like 100 years ago.





Today on July 28
1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 

1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress
for the standardization of weights and measures throughout
the United States. 150 years ago.

1914 World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary
declared war on Serbia. 

1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of
World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC.
They were demanding money they were not scheduled to receive
until 1945. 

1941 Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House
of Representatives. 

1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated
mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was
inserted. 

1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New
York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and
26 were injured. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the
number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to
125,000. 

1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to
ban handguns. 

1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that
created the second-largest phone company. 

1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of
Malisevo. 

1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from
prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had
been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes
were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon
after the Jurassic era.

2016  smiled.






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Adjust font and icon sizes in Windows 10 
Wednesday, July 27, 2016, 09:03 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, July 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Boneheads arrested after they left 3 children
in desert without water or shoes
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 27, in
1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner
Commission to assess the causes of the violence in the wake
of urban rioting. 
More of what happened on this day in
history.




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became 
obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.
--- Henry J. Tillman

To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes 
may be the biggest mistake of all.
--- Peter McWilliams

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Annette
Which side of the fence?  
 
If you ever wondered which side of the fence you sit on,
this is a great test!   

If a Republican doesn't like guns, he doesn't buy one.   
If a Democrat doesn't like guns, he wants all guns outlawed.

If a Republican is a vegetarian, he doesn't eat meat.   
If a Democrat is a vegetarian, he wants all meat products
banned for everyone.  
 
If a Republican is homosexual, he quietly leads his life.   
If a Democrat is homosexual, he demands legislated respect.

If a Republican is down-and-out, he thinks about how to
better his situation.  
If a Democrat is down-and-out he wonders who is going to
take care of him.  
 
If a Republican doesn't like a talk show host, he switches
channels.   
A Democrat demands that those they don't like be shut down. 
  
If a Republican is a non-believer, he doesn't go to church. 

A Democrat non-believer wants any mention of God and
religion silenced. 
  
If a Republican decides he needs health care, he goes about
shopping for it, or may choose a job that provides it.   
If a Democrat decides he needs health care, he demands that
the rest of us pay for his. 
  
If a Republican reads this, he'll forward it so his friends
can have a good laugh.  
A Democrat will delete it because he's "offended."



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Dear Diary:
MONDAY:
It's fun to cook for Bob. Today I made angel food
cake.  The recipe said beat 12 eggs separately. The
neighbors were nice enough to loan me some extra bowls.

TUESDAY:
Bob wanted fruit salad for supper. The recipe said
serve without dressing. So I didn't dress. What a
surprise when Bob brought a friend
home for supper.

WEDNESDAY:
A good day for rice. The recipe said wash
thoroughly before steaming the rice. It seemed kinda of
silly but I took a bath. I can't say it improved the
rice any.

THURSDAY:
Today Bob asked for salad again. I tried a new
recipe. It said prepare ingredients, then toss on a bed
of lettuce one hour before serving. Which is what led
up to Bob asking me why I was rolling around in the
garden.

FRIDAY:
I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said put
all ingredients in bowl and beat it. There must have
been something wrong with this recipe.
When I got back, everything was the same as when I left.

SATURDAY:
Bob did the shopping today and brought home a
chicken.  He asked me to dress it for Sunday (oh boy).
For some reason Bob keeps counting to ten.

SUNDAY:
Bob's folks came to dinner. I wanted to serve
roast.  All I could find was hamburger. Suddenly I had a
flash of genius. I put the hamburger in the oven and
set the controls for roast. It still came out hamburger,
much to my disappointment.

GOOD NIGHT DEAR DIARY:
This has been a very exciting week. I am eager for
tomorrow to come so I can try out a new recipe on Bob.
If we could just get a bigger oven, I would like to
surprise him with Chocolate Moose.
Lance

______________________________________________________

Recently a young woman came into my father's insurance 
office with her newborn twins. Dad asked her if she ever 
had any trouble telling them apart. 

She gave him a funny look before responding, 
"No, I haven't had any problem. 
This is Benjamin, and that is Elizabeth."

______________________________________________________



Venice,  from FB
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Mary Bell, 34,
Gary Cassle, 29,
29-Plams,
California
Boneheads arrested after they left 3 children
in desert without water or shoes

A mother and her boyfriend were arrested after they punished
her three young children by leaving them in the desert in
Twentynine Palms in temperatures just shy of 100 degrees on
Wednesday, sheriff's officials said.

The children -- a 7-year-old girl, 6-year-old boy and a 5-
year-old boy -- were discovered about 11:20 a.m. near the
74-000 block of Samarkand Drive, according to the San
Bernardino County Sheriff's Department. Their parents were
"down the road from the children,"  sheriff's spokeswoman
Cynthia Bachman said.

Officials haven't determined why the children were being
punished, but they did not need medical treatment after they
were found.

They had been in the desert for about 45 minutes without any
shoes or water before a local resident alerted authorities.
At the time, temperatures were about 95-100 degrees,
according to the National Weather Service.

"The temperature was going up over the course of that hour,"
said Todd Lericos, a meteorologist.

Temperatures topped off at 104 degrees and there was no wind
to help cool the area, he said.


Parents punish 3 kids by leaving them in the desert 
near Twentynine Palms, California, left them without
shoes or water in temperatures of 95-100 degrees.

Mary Bell, and Gary Cassle

A mother and her boyfriend were arrested after they punished
her three young children by leaving them in the desert in
Twentynine Palms in temperatures just shy of 100 degrees on
Wednesday, sheriff's officials said.

The children -- a 7-year-old girl, 6-year-old boy and a 5-
year-old boy -- were discovered about 11:20 a.m. near the
74-000 block of Samarkand Drive, according to the San
Bernardino County Sheriff's Department. Their parents were
"down the road from the children,"  sheriff's spokeswoman
Cynthia Bachman said.

Officials haven't determined why the children were being
punished, but they did not need medical treatment after they
were found.

They had been in the desert for about 45 minutes without any
shoes or water before a local resident alerted authorities.
At the time, temperatures were about 95-100 degrees,
according to the National Weather Service.

"The temperature was going up over the course of that hour,"
said Todd Lericos, a meteorologist.

Temperatures topped off at 104 degrees and there was no wind
to help cool the area, he said.

A mother and her boyfriend were arrested after they punished
her three young children by leaving them in the desert in
Twentynine Palms in temperatures just shy of 100 degrees on
Wednesday, sheriff's officials said.

The children -- a 7-year-old girl, 6-year-old boy and a 5-
year-old boy -- were discovered about 11:20 a.m. near the
74-000 block of Samarkand Drive, according to the San
Bernardino County Sheriff's Department. Their parents were
"down the road from the children,"  sheriff's spokeswoman
Cynthia Bachman said.

Officials haven't determined why the children were being
punished, but they did not need medical treatment after they
were found.

They had been in the desert for about 45 minutes without any
shoes or water before a local resident alerted authorities.
At the time, temperatures were about 95-100 degrees,
according to the National Weather Service.

"The temperature was going up over the course of that hour,"
said Todd Lericos, a meteorologist.

Temperatures topped off at 104 degrees and there was no wind
to help cool the area, he said.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Barb
RE: Getting used to W10
Dear Webby,
Thanks! I just ordered a new computer since a few other
things is wrong with this one and it’s time for a new on.  I
hate the fact that I’ll have to get use to Windoz 10 but I
know I can do it.  It didn’t take me long to learn Windows
7, or XP, nor 98 or 95, can’t remember the old ones now.
LOL!  I like learning new things, keeps the mind sharp.  I
just punch buttons and click on things until I’ve learned
the system and look up on line any questions I have.  I’ll
ask you if I can’t find it online.  

I don’t think Skype comes with my new one since I didn’t
order Windows Office.  Doesn’t it come bundled with Windows
Office?  I have Windows Office and Skype on this one.  I
plan to download Apache OpenOffice since it’s free and does
the same as Windows Office.  I think I can download Skype
from the internet too.  I only use it when my granddaughter
wants to Skype with me.  
 
Barb  

Dear Barb!
You don't have to get used to W10.
Remember the link I posted a number of times  to Classic
Shell ?
Classic Shell

With that you can make W10 look and feel like W7, or even
XP, if you want.

Skype is totally independent, even though Microsoft paid 8.2
BILLION bucks for it to make sure Google didn't get it.
You simply go to http://skype.com, download it
and install it, and it works.
Skype has been around a long time and is quite refined. 

I agree re open Office, 
even though I still use Excel 2000 for a few spreadsheets,
mostly because I am too lazy to transfer them. Other than
that, Open Office is the default on Webby machines.

To change the font and icon sizes, try this:

Settings > System > Display > Change the size of text, apps
 and other items

You can adjust the sizes there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Thanks to Cora for this one:

What are the three fastest means of communication?
1) Internet
2) Telephone
3) Tellawoman!

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Persian Lamb Kabobs

By attosa [224 Posts, 509 Comments]
This is a very simple yet extremely delicious recipe for
authentic Persian lamb kabobs. If you don't have a barbecue
grill, use your broiler.
 
Approximate Time: 20 minutes (3+ hours to marinate)
Yield: 4Persian Lamb Kabobs

Ingredients:
1 lb boneless lamb filet or boneless lamb chops, cut into 1
inch cubes
1 medium onion
2 lemons
1 Tbsp plain yogurt
2 tsp salt
2 Tbsp olive oil

Steps:
Grate onions. In a bowl, combine lamb, onions, juice of 2
lemons, yogurt, salt and olive oil. Let marinate in the
fridge for at least 3 hours. Remove from fridge 20 minutes
before you plan on cooking, to bring it to room temperature.
 
Thread lamb chunks onto metal skewers. If you don't have
any, you can soak bamboo skewers in water for 30 minutes and
use them. For wider meat, use two skewers per row.
 
Add any other types of vegetables desired onto other
skewers. I used tomato halves and mini peppers.
 
On a barbecue, grill for about 5 to 8 minutes per side. If
you're using your broiler, this may take about 5 minutes per
side, depending on how close to the heat the rack is. You
want to get a slight char on all the meat and veggies.
 
Serve with buttered basmati rice and sumac. Perfection!


______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Bob's daughter's 5th-grade class had been studying 
astronomy. One morning at breakfast she announced, 
"On Friday we're having a quiz on the moon."

That's when her little brother piped up, saying, 
"Are you gonna let her go, Mom?"
                 
___________________________________________________

When The Roses Bloom Again: Billy Bragg and Wilco

____________________________________________________

Thanks to Mona for this classic:
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the 
first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and

tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a 
chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow 
patties all over the carpet.

He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders 
cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it."

She turns to him with a smirk and says, 
"You want ketchup on that?" 

The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" 

She says, "They turned off the electricity yesterday
because we are too far behind with paying the bill.

____________________________________________________

A girl says to a salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a
sweatshirt or a windbreaker."

He says, "Well, that depends.  Are you gonna sweat, or are
you gonna break wind?"

____________________________________________________




 
10 Bizarre archaeological discoveries. 





Today on July 27

1214 At the Battle of Bouvines in France, Philip Augustus of
France defeated John of England. 

1245 Frederick II was deposed by a council at Lyons after
they found him guilty of sacrilege. 

1663 The British Parliament passed a second Navigation Act,
which required all goods bound for the colonies be sent in
British ships from British ports. It did not go over well.

1689 Government forces defeated the Scottish Jacobites at
the Battle of Killiecrankie. 

1694 The Bank of England received a royal charter as a
commercial institution. 

1777 The marquis of Lafayette arrived in New England to help
the rebellious American colonists fight the British. 

1866 Cyrus Field successfully completed the Atlantic Cable.
It was an underwater telegraph from North America to Europe.


1909 Orville Wright set a record for the longest airplane
flight. He was testing the first Army airplane and kept it
in the air for 1 hour 12 minutes and 40 seconds. 

1914 British troops invaded the streets of Dublin, Ireland,
and began to disarm Irish rebels. 

1918 The Socony 200 was launched. It was the first concrete
barge and was used to carry oil. 

1921 Canadian biochemist Frederick Banting and associates
announced the discovery of the hormone insulin. 

1940 Bugs Bunny made his official debut in the Warner Bros.
animated cartoon "A Wild Hare." 

1944 U.S. troops took over Guam. 

1947 The World Water Ski Organization was founded in Geneva,
Switzerland. 

1953 The armistice agreement that ended the Korean War was
signed at Panmunjon, Korea. 

1955 The Allied occupation and looting of Austria ended. 

1964 U.S. President Lyndon Johnson sent an additional 5,000
"advisers" to South Vietnam. 

1965 In the U.S., the Federal Cigarette Labeling and
Advertising Act was signed into law. The law required health
warnings on all cigarette packages. 

1967 U.S. President Johnson appointed the Kerner Commission
to assess the causes of the violence in the wake of urban
rioting. 

1974 The U.S. Congress asked for impeachment procedures
against President Richard Nixon. 

1980 The deposed shah of Iran, Muhammad Riza Pahlavi, died
in a hospital near Cairo, Egypt. 

1993 IBM's new chairman, Louis V. Gerstner, Jr., announced
an $8.9 billion plan to cut the company's costs. 

1999 The U.S. space shuttle Discovery completed a five-day
mission commanded by Air Force Col. Eileen Collins. It was
the first shuttle mission to be commanded by a woman. 

2003 It was reported by the BBC (British Broadcasting Corp.)
that there was no monster in Loch Ness. The investigation
used 600 separate sonar beams and satellite navigation
technology to trawl the loch. Reports of sightings of the
"Loch Ness Monster" began in the 6th century. 

2006 Intel Corp introduced its Core 2 Duo microprocessors.

2016  smiled.





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Is Ad-Aware good enough? 
Tuesday, July 26, 2016, 08:52 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Tuesday, July 26

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk Florida bonehead hits 3 cars and a scooter 
and keeps on driving with the scooter driver's
body sprawled across the hood of his car. He was 
also driving north in the southbound lane.
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 26, in


More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The nice thing about standards is that there are 
so many of them to choose from.
--- Andrew S. Tanenbaum

Believe those who are seeking the truth. 
Doubt those who find it.
--- Andre Gide

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

>From Norm
During a lull between the speeches at a recent Parliament
Hill Correspondent's dinner, Sophie Grégoire-Trudeau leans
over to chat with Harjit Sajjan, Minister of Defence.

"Ya know, I bought Justin a parrot for his birthday. The
bird is so smart, Justin has already taught him to pronounce
over two hundred words!"

"Wow, that's pretty impressive," says Harjit, "but, you do
realize that he just speaks the words... he doesn't really
understand what they mean."

"Oh, I know," Sophie replies, "Neither does the parrot."




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






My husband and I had just finished tucking
our five young ones into bed one evening when
we heard sobbing coming from three- year-old
Billy's room. 

Rushing to his side, we found him crying hysterically.
He had accidentally swallowed a penny and was
sure he was going to die. No amount of talking
could change his mind. Desperate to calm him,
my husband palmed a penny that he happened to
have in his pocket and pretended to pull it from
Billy's ear. Billy was delighted. 

In a flash, he snatched it from my husband's
hand, swallowed it and demanded cheerfully, "Do
it again, Daddy!"

______________________________________________________

A philosophy professor stood before his class and had some 
items in  front of him. When the class began, he wordlessly 
picked up a very large  and empty mayonnaise jar and
proceeded to fill it with rocks, about  2" in diameter.
 
He then asked the students if the jar was full? 
They agreed that it was. 
So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured 
them into the  jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles,
of course, rolled into the open  areas between the rocks.
 
He then asked the students again if the jar was full. 
They agreed it was.
 
The professor picked up a box of sand and poured it into the
jar.  Of  course, the sand filled up everything else.
 
He then asked once more if the jar was full. 
The students responded with an unanimous -- yes.
 
The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the
table and proceeded to pour their entire contents into the
jar -- effectively filling the empty spaces in the sand.
 
The students laughed.
 
"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want
you to  recognize that this jar represents your life. The
rocks are the important things - your family, your partner,
your health, your children--things that if everything else
was lost and only they remained, your life would still be
full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your
job, your house, your car. The sand is everything else. The
small stuff."
 
"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued
"there is no room for the pebbles or the rocks. The same
goes for your life. 
If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff,
you will never have room for the things that are important
to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to
your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get
medical checkups. Take your partner out dancing. There will
always be time to go to work, clean the house, give a dinner
party and fix the disposal. 

"Take care of the rocks first -- the things that really
matter. Set your  priorities. The rest is just sand."
 
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the
beer represented.
 
The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to 
show you that no matter how full your life may seem, 
there's always room for a beer with a friend."

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Marc Thomas Boysen, 

New Port Richey, 
Florida.

Drunk Florida bonehead hits 3 cars and a scooter 
and keeps on driving with the scooter driver's
body sprawled across the hood of his car. He was 
also driving north in the southbound lane.

Police in New Port Richey have arrested a man they say hit
and killed a man on a scooter before leaving the scene with
the victim still on the hood of his car. 

It happened just after midnight Saturday in the area of U.S.
Hwy. 19 and Main Street.  Officers say 43-year-old Marc
Thomas Boysen was driving westbound on Main Street when he
crashed into the back of a car stopped at that intersection.
Then, Boysen reportedly left the scene of that crash and
drove northbound on U.S. 19 in the southbound lanes, where
he crashed head-on into a scooter, killing the male driver
instantly.

Boysen then sideswiped another sedan, while still traveling
north in the southbound lanes. Police say Boysen entered the
parking lot of the Winghouse, with the man still on the
hood of his car, then crashed into an unoccupied parked car
which threw the male off the hood of the car.

Witnesses say bystanders from the Winghouse rushed towards
Boysen's car, pulled him out and held him there until police
arrived.

So far, the name of the victim on the scooter has not been
released.

Boysen is facing multiple charges, including Leaving the
Scene of a Crash Involving a Death, Leaving the Scene of a
Crash with Property Damage, DUI Property Damage and Felony
D.U.I.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Jessie
RE: Is Ad-Aware good enough?
Dear Webby,
If I have Ad-aware, do I need Spybot Search & Destroy? Do I 
need to run both? Thanks for all the help I gotten from
your tips. 
And the laughs!
Jessie

Dear Jessie
Some computer magazine found that Ad-Aware kills about 50%
of the spyware. In my own tests, maybe because I had it
tuned better, it found about 70% of the stuff that Spybot-
Search&Destroy found.

70% is not good enough for me when it comes to spyware 
and malware.
I want ALL of it dumped.

Vindictive old goat ? You bet :-)

Since both are free, use them both.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

The wife appeared at the breakfast table in curlers and a
worn bathrobe.

The husband looked up from his newspaper and said, 
"Why can't you dress for breakfast like you did before 
we got married?"

"I'm married now!" she snapped back. 
"And I'm not pregnant any more!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Whites Aren't White After Washing

Try laundry bluing. That is what people used in previous
times. It should be in the laundry section of your store,
and this is what it is for, to whiten your whites. 4H kids
use in on the white hair on their show calves. If it works
on those stains, it should work on laundry!
By OliveOyl [601 Comments]

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his
younger sister or brother, the man finally got up the
nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted.

"Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to
cry softly.  "But it didn't work out and they brought
you back."
                  
___________________________________________________

Boeing produces over forty 737 airplanes a month.  The train arrives with the main body in the morning. This 3½ minute video is fascinating. 

____________________________________________________

MOM TAUGHT ME TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE
"If you're going to kill each other, do it outside, I just
finished cleaning!"

MOM TAUGHT ME RELIGION
"You better pray that will come out of that carpet!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT TIME TRAVEL
"If you don't straighten up, I'll knock you into next week!"

MOM TAUGHT ME LOGIC
"Because I said so, that's why!"

MOM TAUGHT ME FORESIGHT
"Make sure you wear clean underwear in case you're in an 
accident."

MOM TAUGHT ME IRONY
"Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT THE SCIENCE OF OSMOSIS
"Shut your mouth and eat your supper!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT CONTORTIONISM
"Will you look at the dirt on the back of your neck?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT STAMINA
"You'll sit there until all that spinach is gone!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT WEATHER
"It looks like a tornado went through your room!"

MOM TAUGHT ME HOW TO SOLVE PHYSICS PROBLEMS
"If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you, would
you listen then?"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT HYPOCRISY
"If I told you once, I've told you a million times-don't
exaggerate!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION
"Stop acting like your father!"

MOM TAUGHT ME ABOUT ENVY
"There are millions of less fortunate kids in this world who
don't have wonderful parents like you do!"

And most of all.....

MOM TAUGHT ME THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
"I brought you into this world, I can take you out!"

____________________________________________________

One morning a local highway department crew reached 
their job site and realized they have forgotten all their 
shovels.

The crew's foreman calls the office and tells his supervisor
the situation.

The supervisor replies, "Don't worry, we'll send some
shovels. Tell them to just lean on each other until the
shovels arrive."

____________________________________________________




 
PEOPLE ARE AWESOME! Best of the week July 2016 





Today on July 26

1775 A postal system was established by the 2nd Continental
Congress of the United States. The first Postmaster General
was Benjamin Franklin. 

1881 Thomas Edison and Patrick Kenny execute a patent
application for a facsimile telegraph (U.S. Pat. 479,184). 

1893 Commercial production of the Addressograph started in
Chicago, IL. 

1907 The Chester was launched. It was the first turbine-
propelled ship. 

1945 Winston Churchill resigned as Britain's prime minister.


1952 King Farouk I of Egypt abdicated in the wake of a coup
led by Gamal Abdel Nasser. 

1953 Fidel Castro began his revolt against Fulgencio Batista
with an unsuccessful attack on an army barracks in eastern
Cuba. Castro eventually ousted Batista six years later. 

1956 Egyptian President Gamal Abdel Nasser nationalized the
Suez Canal. 

1971 Apollo 15 was launched from Cape Kennedy, FL. 

1998 AT&T and British Telecommunications PLC announced they
were forming a joint venture to combine international
operations and develop a new Internet system. 

1999 1,500 pieces of Marilyn Monroe's personal items went on
display at Christie's in New York, NY. The items went on
sale later in 1999. 

2016  smiled.






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Bounces from mail, that I did not send 
Monday, July 25, 2016, 09:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
		








Good Morning, ,

Today is Monday, July 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man robs pizza delivery man, 
craps himself when he sees police
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 25, in


More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

The most overlooked advantage to owning a computer 
is that if you foul up, there's no law against whacking 
it around a little.
--- Joe Martin


In theory, there is no difference between theory 
and practice; 
In practice, there is.
--- Chuck Reid
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

A nice old lady went to an auction sale. There she was 
attracted to a parrot in a gilded cage. The parrot was
large, very healthy looking and exquisitely colored. The old
lady was so attracted by the parrot's appearance that she
couldn't help but bid on it. 

She bid, determined to have the parrot, but another bidder 
competed and drove the price very high. The old lady
eventually bought the parrot. She was at the cashier's desk
and told the cashier that she was so excited about the
beautiful appearance of the parrot that she had neglected to
ask if it could talk. 

The parrot spoke up, 
"Who do you think was bidding against you?" 




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






A funny story circulated recently about Sir Arthur Conan
Doyle, creator of the fictional detective Sherlock Holmes.
Doyle evidently told of a time when he climbed into a taxi
cab in Paris. 
Before he could utter a word, the driver turned to him and
asked,  "Where can I take you, Mr. Doyle?" 

Doyle was flabbergasted. He asked the driver if he had ever
seen him before.  
"No, sir," the driver responded, "I have never seen you
before." 

Then he explained, "This morning's paper had a story about
you being on vacation in Marseilles. This is the taxi stand
where people who return from Marseilles always come to. Your
skin color tells me you have been on vacation. The ink spot
on your right index finger suggests to me that you are a
writer. Your clothing is very English, and not French.
Adding up all those pieces of information, I deduced that
you are Sir Arthur Conan Doyle." 

"This is truly amazing!" the writer exclaimed. "You are a
real-life counterpart to my fictional creation, Sherlock
Holmes!" 

"There is one more thing," the driver said. 

"What is that?" asked Mr. Doyle. 

"Your name is on the front of your suitcase." 

______________________________________________________

Thanks to Leroy for this one:
At my church one day, a woman who had often snubbed me, 
went out of her way to give me a big hug before the service.

I was surprised by her gesture and wondered what had
initiated her change of heart. 

I got my answer at the end of the service. "Your assignment
for next week," the minister instructed, "is the same as
last week. I want you to go out there and hug somebody you
just can't stand." 

______________________________________________________



SandFire Timelapse
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Brent Van Besien, 
30,
Eustis
Florida

Florida man robs pizza delivery man, 
craps himself when he sees police

On June 27 around 8:40 p.m., an employee of the Mount Dora
Domino’s Pizza on Highway 441 was heading out for a delivery
when 30-year-old Brent Van Besien allegedly approached him
with gun, demanding money.

The pizza delivery man asked if it was a joke – and Van
Besien, of Eustis, told him "no, and he would kill” him.

Fearing for his life, the pizza man gave him all that he had
– a whopping ten dollars – and Van Besien ran away.

Van Besien then made his wife drive him home from Domino’s,
according to a Lake County Sheriff's Office report. There,
they changed clothes before going to a gas station.

When the couple tried returning again to their apartment,
Van Besien saw deputies at their home. That's when he soiled
himself – and made his wife take him to his mom’s house.

There, Van Besien told his mother “he did something stupid,
the cops were looking for him and he could get ten years for
it,” according to a report.

Van Besien then asked to come inside because he had “crapped
his pants” and wanted to tell her goodbye, his mother told
deputies.

Van Besien’s mother ultimately let him inside for a short
time before sending him back home, according to a report.
That’s where deputies met him and searched his apartment.

Deputies didn’t immediately find any evidence. They did,
however, find a roll of toilet paper in his wife’s purse
that she said her mother-in-law gave to her.

When deputies questioned his wife, she told them about her
husband’s crime and that she was a victim of domestic
violence, who was forced to drive him around.

The gun was later determined to be a BB gun.

Deputies eventually arrested Van Besien Tuesday and booked
him into Lake County jail.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Maureen
RE: Bounces from mail I did not send
Dear Webby,
I am getting mail claiming I had sent letters infected with
the @MM virus to addresses that I have never seen 
before! McAfee says I don't have a virus.
How do I fix that?
Maureen

Dear Maureen
That virus was kick-started with a spammer's CD full of 
addresses, that were probbaly harvested from AOL and Yahoo,
and from Internet petitions, and they are forged into the FROM field.

Just make a MailWasher filter that looks for a FROM address
of "MAILER-DAEMON", and for the action choose
delete the message and 
do not show it in the list. 

Don't bounce that one. A bounce would just clutter up the 
Internet. To avoid loops, the mailer-daemon does not accept 
bounces back to it anyway and trashes them unread.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

"Look at ME!!" boasted the fit old man, pounding a very flat
and firm stomach, having just finished 100 sit-ups before a
group of young people.

"Fit as a fiddle! And you want to know why?? I don't smoke,
I don't drink, I don't stay up late, and I don't chase after
women!!"

He smiled at them, teeth white, eyes aglitter, "And
tomorrow, I'm going to celebrate my *95th* birthday!!!"

"Oh, really?" drawled one of the onlookers, "How?
With a bran muffin?"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Start a Fire with Water

By Donna
Here is a fun Campers or Survival project. Collect some
kindling and leaves, dried tiny branches and fire starting
materials. Take a round empty bottle like Pom Drinks, you
can use it as a magnifying glass to pinpoint a ray of
sunlight onto your collected leaves and other fire starting
materials to start a flame.
Donna
Keep in mind that many parks don't
allow open fires anymore! 

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

> From Penny
"A big earthquake with the strength of 8.1 on the Richter
scale hits the Middle East.

Two million Muslims die and over a million are injured.
Iraq, Iran and Syria are totally
ruined and the governments ask for help to rebuild.
The rest of the world is in shock
Britain is sending troops to help keep the peace.
Saudi Arabia is sending oil & monetary assistance Latin
American countries are sending clothing.
New Zealand and Australia are sending sheep.
The Asian countries are sending labor to assist in
rebuilding the infrastructure.
Canada is sending medical teams and supplies.
President Donald Trump, not to be outdone, is sending two
million replacement Muslims.
God Bless Trump."
                   
___________________________________________________

Funny Animals

____________________________________________________

>From Linda
Man on phone: “Honey I’ve been asked to go fishing with my
boss for a week. This is a good opportunity for me to get
the promotion. So could you please pack enough clothes for a
week, set out my rod & fishing box. We’re leaving from
office & I’ll swing by the house to pick my things. Oh,
Please pack my new blue silk pajamas!”
The wife thinks this sounds a bit fishy, but being a good
wife she did exactly as her husband said.
The following weekend he came home a little tired but
looking good…
The wife welcomed him & asked if he caught many fish?
He said “Yes, Lots of Salmon, Blue gill & a few Swordfish.
But why didn’t u pack my blue silk pajamas?”

You’ll love the answer..!!
She says, “I did…..They’re in your tackle box”

Game over.

____________________________________________________

Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were
sitting together in church.  Joel giggled, sang, and talked
out loud.  Finally, his big sister had had enough.

"You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed
at Joel.

"Why?  Who's going to stop me?"  Joel shot back.

Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those
two big men in FBI suits standing by the door?"

Joel nodded.

"They're hushers."

____________________________________________________




 
How would you like to drive this bridge every day?





Today on July 25
0326 Emperor Constantine refused to carry out the
traditional pagan sacrifices. 

1394 Charles VI of France issued a decree for the general
expulsion of Jews from France. 

1564 Maximillian II became emperor of the Holy Roman Empire.


1587 Japanese strong-man Hideyoshi banned Christianity in
Japan and ordered all Christians to leave. 

1593 France's King Henry IV converted from Protestantism to
Roman Catholicism. 

1759 British forces defeated a French army at Fort Niagara
in Canada. 

1799 Napoleon Bonaparte defeated the Ottomans at Aboukir,
Egypt. 

1805 Aaron Burr visited New Orleans with plans to establish
a new country, with New Orleans as the capital city. 

1850 Gold was discovered in the Rogue River in OR. 

1854 The paper collar was patented by Walter Hunt. 

1861 The Crittenden Resolution, which called for the
American Civil War to be fought to preserve the Union and
not for slavery, was passed by the U.S. Congress. 

1871 Seth Wheeler patented perforated wrapping paper. 

1907 Korea became a protectorate of Japan. 

1909 French aviator Louis Bleriot flew across the English
Channel in a monoplane. He traveled from Calais to Dover in
37 minutes. He was the first man to fly across the channel. 

1914 Russia declared that it would act to protect Serbian
sovereignty. 

1924 Greece announced the deportation of 50,000 Armenians. 

1941 The U.S. government froze all Japanese and Chinese
assets. 

1943 Italian Fascist dictator Benito Mussolini was
overthrown in a coup. 

1946 The U.S. detonated an atomic bomb at Bikini Atoll in
the Pacific. It was the first underwater test of the device.


1952 Puerto Rico became a self-governing commonwealth of the
U.S. 

1978 Louise Joy Brown, the first test-tube baby, was born in
Oldham, England. She had been conceived through in-vitro
fertilization. 

1984 Soviet cosmonaut Svetlana Savitskaya became the first
woman to walk in space. She was aboard the orbiting space
station Salyut 7. 

1994 Israel and Jordan formally ended the state of war that
had existed between them since 1948. 

1998 The USS Harry S. Truman was commissioned and put into
service by the U.S. Navy. 

1999 Lance Armstrong won the Tour de France. He was only the
second American to win the race. 

2010 WikiLeaks leaked to the public more than 90,000
internal reports involving the U.S.-led War in Afghanistan
from 2004-2010. 

2016  smiled.





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Spybot 
Thursday, July 21, 2016, 10:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Thursday, July 21
Today I have to go to Calgary for injections
into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday. Monday I'll be back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas Waffle House Robber Armed with AK-47
is shot by customer armed witrh legal hand gun
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 21, in
1861 - The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The
Confederates won the battle. 
More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Patience has its limits. Take it too far, 
and it's cowardice.
--- George Jackson (1941 - 1971) 

"There is no pleasure in having nothing to do; 
the fun is in having lots to do 
and not doing it." 
--- Mary Wilson Little

______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

At the exclusive restaurant where I work, a party of diners
was exhausting the waiter with relentless demands. Through
it all, he remained professional.

Finally, after leavin a very shabby tip, one of the patrons
asked the waiter to take the group's picture, and ranted at
reunion they can have because some of them are getting too
old to leace their nursing homes.

He did take 3 pictures, from their necks on down.




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






My Parents had not been out together in quite some time.
One Saturday, as Mom was finishing the dinner dishes, my 
father stepped up behind her.

"Would you like to go out, girl?" he asked.

Not even turning around, my mother quickly replied, 
"Oh, yes, I'd love to!"

They had a wonderful evening, and it wasn't until the end of 
it that Dad confessed.

His question had actually been directed to the family dog, 
lying near Mom's feet on the kitchen floor, and he had been 
afraid she might step back and trip over the dog.

______________________________________________________

My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated
cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since
she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure 
to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum.

"I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a
book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and
decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room.
While I was working, I found two copies of the same darn
book. I had bought them a few years ago."

______________________________________________________



Delonix
______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

 Antoine Devon Cooper, 
26,
Dallas,
Texas

Texas Waffle House Robber Armed with AK-47
is shot by customer armed witrh legal hand gun

A man armed with an AK-47 is alleged to have entered a
Waffle House in DeSoto, Texas, in the early morning hours
last Thursday. The robbery suspect was not counting on the
presence of a Texan with a Handgun License to Carry.

The alleged robber, described as a black man in his mid-
twenties, entered the  DeSoto Waffle House at about 2:30
a.m. on July 7, while armed with an AK-47 rifle, information
obtained by Breitbart Texas from the DeSoto Police
Department revealed. After robbing several of the customers,
the man walked out of the diner. One of the customers
followed the man out of the restaurant and attempted to stop
him.

The customer knew that his wife was on her way to the Waffle
House and feared she might be in danger in the parking lot.
He was afraid the armed man might harm her or others in the
parking lot, officials said.

After following the man out of the Waffle House, the
customer called out to the robber who turned and pointed the
rifle at him.

The customer fired several shots from his handgun and
stopped the robber.

Police officers arrived on the scene a short time later and
found the robber lying in the parking lot. He was 
transported to a local hospital where he remains in critical
condition.

Originally, the suspect had not yet been identified and
police were asking for the public’s assistance in figuring
out who the man is. Overnight, the police learned the man is
26-year-old Antoine Devon Cooper of Dallas, Sergeant Nic
Bristow told Breitbart Texas Thursday morning.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Lis
RE: Spybot
Dear Webby,
You have mentioned Spybot a number of times. 
Where do I get it?
Lis

Dear Lis
It is at 
https://www.safer-networking.org/dl/

or you can go to my tool box at http://webby.com/tools
and scroll down to the big blue button marked Spypot
Search & Destroy.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to
attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his
car-pool members to let them know that he would not be
leaving with them.

Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it
on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without
me. Dave."

At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this
note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. 
Thursday is YOUR day to drive, you Bozo!"

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Frosted Banana Bread Squares
 By Jackie H. 
Ingredients:
1-1/2 cup sugar
1 cup sour cream
3/4 cup butter (1 1/2 sticks), softened
2 jumbo eggs (I use only jumbo)
4-5 mashed ripened bananas
2 tsp vanilla
1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese, softened
2-1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1 tsp nutmeg
3/4 tsp salt
1/2 cup chopped walnuts (opt)
Brown Butter Cream Cheese Frosting
1/2 cup butter
1 pkg (8oz) cream cheese, softened
4 cups powdered sugar
1-1/2 tsp vanilla
3 Tbsp milk (I use vanilla dairy creamer)

Steps:
Preheat oven 375 degrees F. Grease and flour a 15x10 inch
jelly roll pan.

In a large bowl, beat together sugar, sour cream, butter,
and eggs until creamy. Add softened cream cheese & vanilla.
Then fold in the bananas.

In another bowl, mix the flour, baking soda, powder, salt &
nutmeg and stir. Add the flour mix to the cream mixture. Add
walnuts if you choose. Blend for 1 minute.
Spread batter evenly into pan. Bake for 20 - 25 minutes or
until golden brown.

Meanwhile, for frosting, heat butter in a large saucepan
over medium heat until boiling. Let the butter turn a
delicate brown and remove from the heat.
Add powdered sugar, vanilla, softened butter, softened cream
cheese & creamer or milk. Whisk together until all is very
smooth. Frosting will be thicker than a glaze but thinner
than a frosting.

Using a spatula, frost the bars while still slightly warm.
Enjoy!

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Re Govt bigshots parking in student parking lots:

Don't they realize that: (I'm talking about middle school or
college students here)

It takes 8 students 4 seconds to grunt a car onto it's roof.

16 students can lift a car and jog with it. (stick half inch
iron water pipe through under the car and use the
protruding ends as comfortable carry-handles)

It takes 6 students, a bit of grunting, 4 cement blocks,
4 speed-wrenches and 20 seconds to remove 4 wheels 
and two license plates.

Two students with a tube of Crazy Glue can "ice" both door 
locks while they walk past them, without slowing down.

Girls like smearing a big gobs of ketchup with rubber 
tarantulas in it under the door handles. Macho guys prefer
to use fibre-gum, a slow drying and VERY sticky roofing 
gunk.

Splat's of white acrylic paint mixed with Poly-Filla make
very authentic looking pigeon droppings that are very
difficult to remove.

It takes one student 4 seconds to pry the top of a car door
open wide enough for the muzzle of a water gun, and 
completely soak the driver's seat with skunk-oil.

It takes a skinny student about a minute to connect a 
wire from the brake pedal sensor to the horn relay.

A roof rack with a pile of empty boxes, a few paint rollers
and water soluble paint, and a fake fox tail on the antenna,
is all you need to make a car, that has been carried over 4

spots, totally unrecognizable to it's owner.

4 students can lift a corner of a car enough to kick a 
skate board under the wheel. Makes it easy to 
inconspicuously move a car. Be careful on sloped parking
lots!

A mangled old shopping cart wedged solidly under a car,
which has been partially lifted by a few students, will 
generally get the driver into the bad books of any cop
led to the scene. Old baby strollers from the dump work
even better.

And then there's always the old skunk in the trunk trick.
Oh, the good old days! 
                   
___________________________________________________

Never trust a monkey/chimp - whatever 

____________________________________________________

There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler,
at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab,
run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at
several intersections in a row the motorist followed him
until he pulled into a parking lot.

When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once
again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door.
The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be
nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?"

To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have
20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep
half of them flying at all times."

____________________________________________________

A new miracle doctor was in town. 
He could cure anything and anybody, and everyone was 
amazed with what he can do.

Everyone except for Mr. Smith, the town grouch.

So Mr. Smith went to this 'miracle doctor' to prove that he 
wasn't anybody special.

So he goes and tells the doctor, "Hey, doc, I have lost my 
sense of taste. I can't taste nothin', so what are ya goin 
to do?"

The doctor scratches his head and mumbles to himself a 
little, then tells Mr. Smith, 
"What you need is jar number 43."

Jar number 43? Mr. Smith wonders.

So the doctor brings the jar and tells Mr. Smith to taste it.

He tastes it and immediately spits it out,
"This is gross!" he yells.

"I just restored your sense of taste Mr. Smith," says the 
doctor.

So Mr. Smith goes home very mad.

One month later, Mr. Smith goes back to the doctor along 
with a new problem, "Doc," he starts, "I can't remember!"

Thinking he got the doctor, the doctor scratches his head 
and mumbles to himself a little and tells Mr. Smith, 
"What you need is jar number 43..."

Before the doctor finished his sentence,
Mr. Smith fled the office.

____________________________________________________




 
A fun and somehow soothing video to watch.





Today on July 21
1831 - Belgium became independent as Leopold I was
proclaimed King of the Belgians. 

1861 - The first major battle of the U.S. Civil War began.
It was the Battle of Bull Run at Manassas Junction, VA. The
Confederates won the battle. 

1925 - The "Monkey Trial" ended in Dayton, TN. John T.
Scopes was convicted and fined $100 for violating the state
prohibition on teaching Darwin's theory of evolution. The
conviction was later overturned on a legal technicality
because the judge had set the fine instead of the jury. 

1930 - The Veterans Administration of the United States was
established. 

1940 - Lithuania, Estonia, and Latvia were annexed by the
Soviet Union. 

1944 - American forces landed on Guam during World War II. 

1949 - The U.S. Senate ratified the North Atlantic Treaty. 

1954 - The Geneva Conference partitioned Vietnam into North
Vietnam and South Vietnam. 

1959 - A U.S. District Court judge in New York City ruled
that "Lady Chatterley’s Lover" was not a dirty book. 

1961 - Captain Virgil "Gus" Grissom became the second
American to rocket into a sub-orbital pattern around the
Earth. He was flying on the Liberty Bell 7. 

1968 - Arnold Palmer became the first golfer to make a
million dollars in career earnings after he tied for second
place at the PGA Championship. 

1980 - Draft registration began in the United States for 19
and 20-year-old men. 

1997 - The U.S.S. Constitution, which defended the United
States during the War of 1812, set sail under its own power
for the first time in 116 years. 

2000 - NBC announced that they had found nearly all of
Milton Berle's kinescopes. The filmed recordings of Berle's
early TV shows had been the subject of a $30 million lawsuit
filed by Berle the previous May. 

2002 - WorldCom Inc. filed for Chapter 11 bankruptcy
protection. At the time it was the largest bankruptcy in
U.S. history. 

2004 - White House officials were briefed on the September
11 commission's final report. The 575-page report concluded
that hijackers exploited "deep institutional failings within
our government." The report was released to the public the
next day. 

2007 - The seventh and last book of the Harry Potter series,
"Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows," was released. 

2011 - Space Shuttle Atlantis landed at Kennedy Space Center
in Florida. It was the last flight of NASA's space shuttle
program. 

2016  smiled.






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How to carry data from home to office and back 
Wednesday, July 20, 2016, 10:23 AM
Posted by Administrator
		







Good Morning, ,

Today is Wednesday, July 20
Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections
into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday,
Saturday or Sunday. Monday I'll be back.

Beautiful full moon out!

Have FUN!
DearWebby




With THIS LINK you get 50% off!


Check out the 4 top versions at http://webby.com/mac
There is one that even protects your phones,
not just computers and tablets!

Todays Bonehead Award:
27 year old grandson beats his 78 year old 
grandfather with his own cane. 
Details at Boneheads
______________________________________________________
Today, July 20, in
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas
Jefferson at the White House. 
More of what happened on this day in
history.



If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!





______________________________________________________

Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps 
the most fatal to true happiness.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)

The worst sin toward our fellow creatures is not 
to hate them, but to be indifferent to them: 
that's the essense of inhumanity.
--- George Bernard Shaw
______________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!

______________________________________________________

It was after 3 a.m. in the fancy restaurant, and all the
guests but one had gone home. The last guest was sleeping at
his table. 

The cleaning lady, irritated that she was delayed in doing
her  job, turned to the restaurant owner. 

"I've seen you shake the old fool and wake him up five
times," she said. "Why don't you make him go home?" 

"No way !" answered the owner cheerfully. 
"Every time I wake him up, he asks for his bill and pays
it! You go on home. I'll clean his table." 




If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!






Tired of having to balance Cindy's checkbook, Mike made 
a deal with her; he would look at it, but only after she had

spent some time trying to wrestle it into shape. 

The following night, after spending hours poring over stubs 
and figures, Cindy said proudly, "I've done it! I made it 
balance!"

Impressed, Mike came over to take a look.  "Let's see...
mortgage 550.00, electricity 70.50, phone 35.00." His brow 
wrinkled as he read the last entry. "It says here ESP, $615.

What the heck is that?"

"Oh," she said, "That means, Error Some Place!" 

______________________________________________________

Millie's kindergarten-aged daughter suddenly announced just 
before school that she needed to take a clean tee shirt to 
class. She told Moe that the teacher was going to iron an 
anti-drug message on it. 

Millie frantically swept through their daughter's room, 
finding nothing usable but one tee shirt that already had 
something printed on one side. She sent it off to school 
with their daughter. 

That afternoon, the daughter returned and happily showed off
her shirt. On one side it said, 
"Families are Forever." 

And on the other, 
"Be Smart, Don't Start." 

______________________________________________________




______________________________________________________

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 

Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________


An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by

Charles J. Trione, 
27,
Caseyville,
Illinois


27 year old grandson beats his 78 year old 
grandfather with his own cane. 

Police say a 78-year-old Caseyville man was beaten with his
own cane, by his grandson, during an argument over who ate
the last of the leftover pizza.

St. Clair County prosecutors on Friday charged Charles J.
Trione, 27, with aggravted battery and domestic battery.

Caseyville Police Sgt. Gerard Spratt gave the following
account:

Police were called to the 300 block of Bethel Mine Road on
the night of June 30 for a report of a domestic disturbance.

“The disturbance was over who ate the last of the pizza in
the refrigerator at the house,” Spratt said. He said Trione
pushed his grandfather to the floor in the kitchen and then
beat him with the grandfather’s cane.

When police arrived, the suspect was gone. The 78-year-old
had head injuries which were not life-threatening.

Caseyville Police and St. Clair County sheriff’s deputies
located Trione on Wednesday in Caseyville. The case was
turned over to the state’s attorney’s office.

Bail for Trione was set at $75,000, and he remained in
custody as of Saturday at the St. Clair County Jail.

______________________________________________________

Tech Support Pits
From: Fanny
RE: Carry data
Dear Webby,
I'm a teacher and will be at a different school this fall.
At this school I get to ride the school bus, as long as I
carry a big wooden spoon and keep the riots on the bus under
control.
I'm sure it won't be that bad, but they definitely advised
that I don't carry my laptop along. I used the laptop mostly
to carry the data between the school computer and my home 
machine.

What would you recommend for carrying my preparations
and homework between home and school ?
Fanny

Dear Fanny
The most civilized way would be to get yourself a little
web site, upload the day's data to there before you leave
home, and download it into the school machine when you 
get there. All you "carry" is your password.

Second best is to get an SD card and a reader.
The reader just plugs into a USB port and makes the flash
card another drive. Flash cards come from 2 to 128 GB 

They are small enough that you can sew a little pocket for
one onto the inside of a regular belt. If you have a belt
with little pockets for parking meter change, that will do
just fine.

The readers are between $9 and $20, depending on options.
The $9 kind that I use works just fine. You can leave those
attached to the computers and only take the little flash
card along. 

With 2 GB you can easily fit a year's data onto it, and run
your applications using the data right on the flash card. No
need to copy it to the 
computer first.

Of course, the first time you forget to take the memory card
along you will wish you had gone with the option I
mentioned
first. 

Depending on how good YOUR memory is, you might find
it easier to pay $2.50 a month for commercial grade web
space.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

_____________________________________________________


___________________________________________________

Groan Alert

Teacher: "Have you ever hunted bear?" 

Little Johnny: "No, but I've gone fishing in my shorts."

______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, 
    please donate what you can!




______________________________________________________

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Deodorant to Remove Underarm Stains
 By Jackie H. 
I bought a beautiful white sweater at a yard sale. The
challenge though was the sweater had large yellow armpit
stains. I got all sorts of advice, use OXI, use vinegar, use
lemon juice, use baking soda; they all failed. Then someone
said use what "caused the stain". Hmmmmm, deodorant.

I used a stick of solid white deodorant and rubbed it
thickly into both sides inside and out. Let it sit in cold
water overnight. Washed as normal the next morning and Wha-
La! Beautiful white sweater that looks like new!

______________________________________________________



Ophelia Dingbatter's News

No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. 
Read it on line or subscribe. If you subscribe, 
look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
_____________________________________________________

Sam  came home to Anni and said "Guess what?
I've found a great job. A 10 a.m. start, 2 p.m.
finish, no overtime,  no weekends and it pays
$600 a week!"

"That's great," Anni said.

"Yeah, I thought so too," Sam agreed. 
"You start Monday."
                   
___________________________________________________

"What a Wonderful World" sung by Meryl Streep, Bette Midler, Olivia Newton John

____________________________________________________

While strutting through a parking lot in his fancy executive

elevator shoes, Mr Benson's right foot slipped on an oily
patch and after expertly tripping himself, he fell flat on
his face. 

As he was lying there, a woman stopped her car and called 
out, "Are you hurt?"

"No, I'm fine," he said, as he was trying to regain his 
composure and plan a way to exit without beeing seen by
too many people.

"Oh, good," she continued. "Will you be vacating your 
parking space any time soon?"

____________________________________________________

After spending all day Sunday watching football on
television, Bob fell asleep and spent the night in the
chair. His wife woke him in the morning.  "It's twenty to
seven," she called.

"In who's favor?"

____________________________________________________




 
Follow the yellow brick road.





Today on July 20
1801 A 1,235 pound cheese ball was pressed at the farm of
Elisha Brown, Jr. The ball of cheese was later loaded on a
horse-driven wagon and presented to U.S. President Thomas
Jefferson at the White House. 

1810 Colombia declared independence from Spain. 

1868 Legislation that ordered U.S. tax stamps to be placed
on all cigarette packs was passed. 

1871 British Columbia joined Confederation as a Canadian
province. 

1881 Sioux Indian leader Sitting Bull, a fugitive since the
Battle of the Little Big Horn, surrendered to federal
troops. (Montana) 

1917 The draft lottery in World War I went into operation. 

1942 The first detachment of the Women's Army Auxiliary
Corps, (WACS) began basic training at Fort Des Moines, Iowa.

1944 An attempt by a group of German officials to
assassinate Adolf Hitler failed. The bomb exploded at
Hitler's Rastenburg headquarters. Hitler was only wounded. 

1944 U.S. President Roosevelt was nominated for an
unprecedented fourth term of office at the Democratic
National Convention in Chicago. 

1961 "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off" opened in London. 

1969 Apollo 11 astronauts Neil Armstrong and Edwin E.
Aldrin, Jr. became the first men to walk on the moon. 

1974 Turkish forces invaded Cyprus. 

1976 America's Viking I robot spacecraft made a successful
landing on Mars. 

1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan pulled the U.S. out of
comprehensive test ban negotiations indefinitely. 

1985 Treasure hunters began raising $400 million in coins
and silver from the Spanish galleon "Nuestra Senora de
Atocha." The ship sank in 1622 40 miles of the coast of Key
West, FL. 

1992 Vaclav Havel, the playwright who led the Velvet
Revolution against communism, stepped down as president of
Czechoslovakia. 

1998 Russia won a $11.2 billion loan from the International
Monetary Fund to help avert the devaluation of its currency.

2003 In India, elephants used for commercial work began
wearing reflectors to avoid being hit by cars during night
work.

2016  smiled.






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