Making download folders 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 31

The smoke from the forest fires is getting rather thick.
Not just a faint camp fire smell, but thick smoke obscuring
vision. This evening, while turning around when I was
bringing my pick-up to Barb, -her car, a PT Cruiser is a
lemon and now needs a water pump-, I backed into the driver
side door of her neighbor across the street.

I lost a taillight, just expensive plastic, but his nice
Volvo now has a nasty crease in the door. 
@#$% Smoke! 

The insurance will pay for the damage to the Volvo, but I
need to find some some cash for the tail light assembly of
my pick-up, before the cops order it off the road.

If you happen to have any excess cash in your piggy bank
 or PayPal, please send it to me! 

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
7-year-old girl was asleep in grandparents' home 
before she was abducted, thrown off bridge
Today, Aug 31 in
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North
Korea. The missile landed in stages in the waters around
Japan. There was no known target. 
Same as the missile they fired 2 days ago.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ When men are pure, laws are useless; when men are corrupt, laws are broken. --- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A misguided father spoke with his teen offspring: "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get! It's an exchange thing." So, the son showed up for his date with flowers. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair,.... hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. "Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'll be right back. There are tons more flowers down at the cemetery, just a block away!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Hey, Sven," said Ole, "how many Swedes does it take to grease a combine?" After Sven replied he didn't know, Ole said, "Only two, if you run them through real slow." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Joshua Hubert, 35, Worcester, Massachusetts 7-year-old girl was asleep in grandparents' home before she was abducted, thrown off bridge by family friend The 7-year-old girl who police say was thrown off a bridge and into Lake Quinsigamond Sunday by a family friend was asleep on a chair inside her grandparent's home when she was grabbed, a prosecutor said Monday. Joshua Hubert, 35, of Worcester denied any involvement in the alleged abduction and attack on the 7-year-old girl Sunday morning. Prosecutor Cheryl Riddle said the girl was asleep in the living room at her grandparent's Forestdale Road home in Worcester when Hubert grabbed her and forced the child into his car around 2:30 a.m. Hubert was at the home attending a cookout, police said. Investigators said Hubert drove around with the girl in his car for more than an hour. At one point he stopped driving and choked the girl, police said. Eventually Hubert drove to a bridge between Worcester and Shrewsbury and threw the girl into Lake Quinsigmaond, police said. Police believe the girl was thrown from the Interstate 290 bridge based on where she ended up in Shrewsbury, but investigators are still working to confirm. The girl survived the fall, swam to shore and walked to a home nearby in Shrewsbury. "At approximately 4:30 a.m., about two hours later, a woman from Shrewsbury was awoken by knocks at her door and found the 7-year-old victim standing at her door in pajamas soaking wet," Riddle said. The girl told investigators she went to the nearest house that had lights on. The girl also identified Hubert as the man who attacked her. The girl had bruises on her body, marks on her neck and other injuries, Riddle said. She told investigators Hubert strangled her and threw her off the bridge. Hubert was arrested at the police station and arraigned on a kidnapping charge Monday in Worcester Central District Court. He is being held without bail until Thursday when he returns to court for a dangerousness hearing. More charges are expected to be filed against Hubert, the prosecutor said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Louise Re: Download directories Dear Webby, There is a site I go to where I can download graphics.When I download them to downloads I can see what I have downloaded. When I go to downloads there is nothing there. Where did they disappear to? Also how would I make a new folder to put these downloads in so I can find them? I appreciate all the help you give me and others. Louise Dear Louise Windows downloads to the last location selected as a download destination, unless you tell it otherwise. Download something else, and you will see where it puts the stuff nowadays. You can also write down the name of the file you downloaded, and then do a search for it. A lot of your missing stuff will also be there. Use "SearchEverything". It is much faster than the Windows search. It will tell you the location of where that stuff is. You don't even need a complete file name, just part of it is usually enough. New folders: Use the File Explorer. Click on TOOOLS, Folder Options. Set it to use CLASSICAL mode and hit OK If necessary, click on Folders, so that it divides into 2 sections, with folders on the left and files on the right. NOW you have a useful tool. Find the root directory: (It's inconveniently hidden way down, in the My Computer icon) C:\ Highlight it. Go to the right side and Right-Click NEW Folder while "NewFolder" is still highlighted, type into it: 1down That will be your easy to find new download directory. Double-click it to go into it. Nothing there yet. Click on the icon to the left of the address bar on top, and drag it to an empty spot on the desktop, near the START button. Now you have a convenient and direct route to "1down". Right-Click in the empty space on the right side of the Explorer, where the new downloads will go, and select NEW, FOLDER. Name this folder PIX Then make one for MUSIC and one for MOVIES and one for KEEPERS. Now download something, but select as the download destination c:\1down It will show up in the folder you made, and if it is a picture, you drag it into PIX. Have FUN! DearWebby

Ole is so cheap that after his airplane landed safely he grumbled, "Vell, dere gose five dollars down da drain for dat flight insurance!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money on Worksheets A great way to get more life out of worksheets is to use the clear plastic sheets made for overhead projectors on top of the worksheet. Then fill out the worksheet using pens made for overhead projectors. You can clean off the sheets and use them again and again. This is an especially useful tip for homeschoolers. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Why TV reporters never wear green
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati, today we have a Minnesota Special. Before any silly dogooders get their bloomers into a knot, I'll clarify the difference between Swedes and Norvegians. There isn't any. They are all Minnasohtans, just some tell Norvegian jokes and some tell Swede jokes. Lena called the airlines information desk and inquired, "How long does it take to fly from Minneapolis to Fargo?" "Just a minute," said the busy clerk. "Vell, said Lena, "if it has to go dat fast, I tink I'll just take da bus." ___________________________________________________
Photos of extreme weather events. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Ole bought Lena a piano for her birthday. A few weeks later, Lars inquired how she was doing with it. "Oh," said Ole, "I persuaded her to svitch to a clarinet." "How come," asked Lars? "Vell," Ole answered, "because vith a clarinet she can't sing."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Lars asked Ole, "Do ya know da difference between a Norvegian and a canoe?" "No, I don't," said Ole. "A canoe will sometimes tip," explained Lars. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 31, in 
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain when
invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is known as
the Battle of Trocadero. 

1852 The first pre-stamped envelopes were created with
legislation of the U.S. Congress. 

1881 The first tennis championships in the U.S. were played.

1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The
device was used to produce moving pictures. 

1920 The first news program to be broadcast on radio was
aired. The station was 8MK in Detroit, MI. 

1920 John Lloyd Wright was issued a patent for "Toy-Cabin
Construction," which are known as Lincoln Logs. (U.S. patent

1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was
prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin D.

1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became
independent within the British Commonwealth. 

1964 California officially became the most populated state
in the USA. 

1980 Poland's Solidarity labor movement was born with an
agreement signed in Gdansk that ended a 17-day strike. 

1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips
announced that they were separating. The marriage was 16
years old. 

1990 U.N. Secretary-General Javier Perez de Cuellar met with
the Iraqi Foreign Minister Tariq Aziz to try and negotiate a
solution to the crisis in the Persian Gulf. 

1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the
harmonizing of political and legal systems. 

1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence
from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics
to announce their plans to secede. 

1991 In a "Solidarity Day" protest hundreds of thousands of
union members marched in Washington, DC. 

1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania. 

1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army
after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland. 

1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the
former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century. 

1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North
Korea. The missile landed in stages in the waters around
Japan. There was no known target.

2017  smiled.

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KVM switch with Audio 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 30

helping in South Texas?

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
North Dakota woman accused in death of pregnant woman 
and kidnapping of newborn
Today, Aug 30 in
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty 
at New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as 
New York. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest. --- Kilgore Trout, Sometimes what's right isn't as important as what's profitable. --- Trey Parker and Matt Stone Every war has two sides, and just two. One of them is called the enemy side. --- Tacitus Nowadays, there is a third side, the media. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man and women who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a transcontinental train. Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly - he in the upper bunk and she in the lower. At 1:00 a.m. the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying, "Ma'am, hate to bother you but would you be willing to reach into the closet and get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold." "I have a better idea" she replied, "just for tonight, let's pretend we are married." "Wow, that's a great idea," he exclaimed. "Good" she replied, "get your own damn blanket." After a moment of silence, he farted, long and loud. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Groan Alert from Sandie! Did you hear about the guy in Paris who almost got away with stealing several paintings from the Louvre? After planning the crime, getting in and out past security, he was captured only two blocks away when his SUV ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied: "Monsieur, I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh!" I suppose that you thought I lacked DeGaulle to send you a story like this ~~!!! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brooke Lynn Crews, 38, William Henry Hoehn, 32 Fargo, North Dakota North Dakota woman accused in death of pregnant woman and kidnapping of newborn New details have emerged in the case of a North Dakota couple charged in the death of their eight-months-pregnant neighbor and the kidnapping of a baby believed to be hers, according to court documents obtained by PEOPLE. Brooke Lynn Crews, 38, and her boyfriend, 32-year-old William Henry Hoehn, are charged in the death of neighbor Savanna LaFontaine-Greywind, who had last been seen Aug. 19 before her body was found in a river Sunday night. According to the documents, Hoehn allegedly told police he arrived home from work on Aug. 19 to find Crews cleaning up blood in the bathroom. She was also holding a baby girl and allegedly told him, “This is our baby, this is our family,” the charging documents state. A newborn girl, believed to be LaFontaine-Greywind’s, was found in the apartment of the suspects, which the pregnant woman visited hours before she was reported missing. According to the court documents, Crews told detectives she had invited LaFontaine-Greywind to the couple’s apartment and taught the pregnant woman how to self-induce birth by breaking her own water. Crews claimed LaFontaine-Greywind gave her the baby on Aug. 21 — two days after LaFontaine-Greywind vanished from the same apartment building. Hoehn allegedly told police he removed garbage bags containing bloody towels and his own bloody shoes and allegedly left them in a dumpster in West Fargo. Crews and Hoehn have each been charged with conspiracy to commit murder, conspiracy to commit kidnapping and providing false information to law enforcement. They have not yet entered pleas to the charges against them. It is unclear if they have lawyers who could comment on their behalf. Both Hoehn and Crews remained in jail on Monday without bond. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Robin Re: KVM plus Audio switch Dear Webby, Starting soon I will have 2 computers on my desk. I understand you can connect both computers with a KVM switch but will connecting 2 computers to one monitor sacrifice performance? I see that there is a switch which includes a speaker and microphone but I don't think that is necessary..I only need speakers for one computer, which I already have..I don't think including an audio set with the switch means you won't have audio unless you get a switch with this feature, but I'm not sure. Your opinion? Thanks....R.J. Dear Robin There is no loss of hardware performance. You only need an audio switch included if you run the audio through your home or office stereo, like I do. However, if you use the little squeakers, that come with computers, connected to each machine, then each will have it's own sound anyway. Personally, I did not bother with an audio switch. Computer 1 goes to the stereo, computer 2 uses it's own squeakers. Those are plenty good enough for error beeps and announcement pings. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Cookie for this story: Our dog, Longie, suddenly began barking daily at 4 a.m. Irritated and sleepy, my husband, Larry, searched the back yard for what might have disturbed this otherwise placid animal. For three mornings in a row he found nothing amiss. Then the dog woke up the neighborhood again at 3 a.m. with frantic barking. When Larry looked out the window, he discovered someone throwing pebbles to land near Longie. Larry hurried outside and confronted the culprit. Crouching on the other side of the fence was our very quiet neighbor, the last man you'd suspect of wrongdoing. My husband demanded to know what he was doing. "My mother-in-law is visiting," the embarrassed neighbor explained. "She said If she loses her beauty sleep one more night, she says she'll leave."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Freezing Green Tomatoes Don't waste all the green tomatoes left over at the end of the growing season. Wash and slice the tomatoes. Pour out some yellow cornmeal in a shallow dish. Coat the tomatoes well. Stack the slices in baggies and freeze. Next time you want Fried Green Tomatoes, just place them in your buttered pan and fry! Salt, pepper or seasonings can be added at this time. By Mairmie ____________________________________________________
YeoJin Shim 2016
____________________________________________________ A man is giving a speech at his lodge meeting. He gets a bit carried away and talks for two hours. Finally, he realizes what he is doing and says; "I'm sorry I talked so long. I left my watch at home." A voice from the back of the room says, "There's a calendar behind you." ___________________________________________________
People have always mugged for the camera. Be sure to look at Volumes 1, 2 and 3 too. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this: My sister went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they registered for Nintendo games."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Liz Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 30, in 
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow, the original

1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at New
Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New York. 

1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established the
colony of Pennsylvania in America. 

1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender the
West Point fort to the British army. 

1806 New York City's second daily newspaper, the "Daily
Advertiser," was published for the last time. 

1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils near
Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after nearby Mt.

1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA. 

1928 The Independence of India League was established in India.

1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last railroad
link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet Union. 

1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan. 

1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense

1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened. 

1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East

1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went into

1965 Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as a
Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black justice to
sit on the Supreme Court. 

1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece. 

1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to travel
in space. 

1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first time.
On the voyage three communications satellites were deployed. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its

1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. Parks
was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a bus in 1955,
which sparked the civil rights movement. 

1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when the
Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a merger. 

1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when the
nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull snapped. 

1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result on
September 4. 

2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S. 

2017  smiled.

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Quality newsletter 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 29

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Clumsy Georgia robbers in Florida drop cash drawer
Today, Aug 28 in
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the
Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, gave Britain a
right and monopoly to sell opium in China and gave the island
of Hong Kong to Britain. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ About the most originality that any writer can hope to achieve honestly is to steal with good judgment. --- Josh Billings (1818 - 1885) To punish me for my contempt for authority, fate made me an authority myself. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves. --- Abraham Lincoln Tarot Reading is the art of describing others as they would like to see themselves. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young vampire bat came flapping in from the night, covered in fresh blood, and perched himself on the roof of the cave to get some sleep. Before long, all the other bats smelled the blood and began hassling him about where he got it. He was tired and needing a rest, so he told them to please leave him alone. However, it was clear that he wasn't going to get any sleep until he satisfied their curiosity. "OK!" he said with exasperation, "follow me," and he flew out of the cave with hundreds of bats following close behind him. Down through the valley they went, across the river and into the deep forest. Finally he slowed down and all the other bats excitedly gathered around him. "Do you see that tree over there?" he asked. "Yes, yes, yes!" the bats all screamed in a frenzy. "Good," said the first bat, "Because I DIDN'T!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Rabbi Morris Schleppman was a perfectionist and demanded the very best of his pupils. So it was only to be expected that he would get furious when Little Johnny handed in a poor paper. "This is the worst Yiddish essay it has ever been my misfortune to read," ranted the rabbi. "It has to many mistakes I can't understand how one person would have made all these mistakes." "It wasn't just one person," replied Little Johnny defensively. "My father helped me...." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by John Kitchen, 29, from Saint Marys, Ga., Dwight Dasher, 29, of Folkston, Ga. in jail in Florida now Clumsy Georgia robbers in Florida drop cash drawer Two men were caught after robbing the Vegas 777 Internet Café in Yulee, the Nassau County Sheriff’s Office said. The robbery occurred shortly before 2 a.m. Monday. Police said two men wearing hoodies entered the business with a gun. One man went to the cash register while one kept an eye on the door, police said. The suspect carrying the drawer full of money dropped it and spilled money all over the floor. The suspects grabbed what they could and fled onto U.S. 17 at a high rate of speed, police said. The Nassau County Sheriff’s Office quickly pulled over the men. Money was on the floorboard on the car. The suspects were identified as John Kitchen, 29, from Saint Marys, Ga., and Dwight Dasher, 29, of Folkston, Ga. Both suspects were arrested and booked into the Nassau County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bris Re: Quality newsletter Dear Webby, I'm amazed at the consistency and quality of your newsletter. Hope you get paid accordingly! Bris Dear Bris Not yet, but I am definitely ready for it! Have FUN! DearWebby

In the cafeteria on the first day of fall semester at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many days until Christmas break."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Friends of the Library Books Sales A great way to support your local library and find good deals on books is to go to library book sales. Most libraries have them multiple times each year and the prices are very reasonable. Plus, the money goes back into the library to support buying new books or community resources. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
In Memory of Jay Thomas, (7-12-48 to 8-24-17) - The Lone Ranger Story
____________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother, "How did the human race come to be?" The mother answered, "God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.." Two days later the girl asked her father the same question.. The father answered, "Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved." The confused girl returned to her mother and said, "Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?" The mother answered, "Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family and your father told you about his." ___________________________________________________
Avocado pits carved into tiny forest spirits. 2017.
___________________________________________________ "Fake breasts, women always say, 'You know they're not real, don't you? She bought them.' I don't care if they're real. I want to buy some too. For the house, put them in different rooms. And on the dashboard of the car, for when I'm driving." --- Arsenio Hall
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Mildred, the church gossip, and self-appointed monitor of the church's morals, kept sticking her nose into other people's business. Several members did not approve of her extra curricular activities, but feared her enough to maintain their silence. She made a mistake, however, when she accused George, a new member, of being an alcoholic after she saw his old pickup parked in front of the town's only bar one afternoon. She emphatically told George and several others that everyone seeing it there would know what he was doing. George, a man of few words, stared at her for a moment and just turned and walked away. He didn't explain, defend, or deny. He said nothing. Later that evening, George and his 2 apprentices quietly parked their pickups in front of Mildred's house....walked home.... and left the trucks there all night! ____________________________________________________

Today, August 29, in 
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
regulating wagon brake. It was never produced. 

1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child
labor laws. 

1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the
Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War, gave Britain a
right and monopoly to sell opium in China and gave the island
of Hong Kong to Britain. 

1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry
Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated
Dominick McCaffery in six rounds. 

1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's chef
invented chop suey. 

1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that was
dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in Washington,

1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of
France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down the
Champs Elysees in Paris. 

1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to
officially accept the surrender of the Japanese. 

1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was used
for the first time to treat cancer patients. 

1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a filibuster
record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours and 18 minutes. 

1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened. 

1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles
("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after
eight days in space. 

1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia
group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut airport.

1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil War,
was retrieved by divers. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview,
declared that America could not defeat Iraq. 

1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank
accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of the
Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail

1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement to
stay in the Soviet Union. 

1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to Somalia
to guard the shipments of food. 

1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a medical
leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of his 1993
radiation treatments. He would sit out the National Hockey
Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season. 

1998 Northwest Airlines pilots went on strike after their union
rejected a last-minute company offer. 

2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to carry
a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 miles.

2017  smiled.

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Getting rid of blacklist 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 28

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
13-year-old driver caught with 25 pounds of 
meth after traffic stop on I-70
Today, Aug 28 in
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It was
the first passenger-carrying train to be built in America. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If time flies when you're having fun, it hits the afterburners when you don't think you're having enough. --- Jef Mallett There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say. --- Cyril Connolly ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . . . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't remember your name. I've thought and thought, but I just can't recall. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just looked at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The coed came running in tears to her father. "Dad, you gave me some terrible financial advice!" she cried. "I did? What did I tell you?" asked the dad. "You told me to put my money in that big bank, and now that big bank is in trouble." "What are you talking about? That's one of the largest banks in the world," he said. "Surely there must be some mistake." "I don't think so," she sniffed. "They just returned one of my checks with a note saying, 'Insufficient Funds.'" "Oh, that's just YOUR funds!", he explained. "You can't write any more checks until you have a job and paid off the checks you have written so far. Oh, and your Debit card won't work either until then. Banks are very strict about that!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by driver, 13 German Michel-Arreola, 22 Irene Michel-Arreola, 19 Los Angeles, California 13-year-old driver caught with 25 pounds of meth after traffic stop on I-70 When investigators pulled over a car for a traffic stop on Interstate 70 on Tuesday morning, they found a 13-year-old boy behind the wheel and 25 pounds of methamphetamine inside, the Mesa County Sheriff's Office said. A deputy with the Western Colorado Drug Task Force stopped the Dodge Avenger at mile post 13 west of Fruita. There were three people in the car -- the 13-year-old driver, 22-year-old German Michel-Arreola and 19-year-old Irene Michel- Arreola. Investigators say they're all from Los Angeles. Investigators say the three consented to a search of the vehicle and that's when they found 23 packages containing a crystalline substance. All three suspects are facing felony drug charges, including manufacturing, possession and distribution of a Schedule I/II substance. The 13-year-old driver is facing additional charges for driving without a license and failing to drive in a designated lane. He is being held at the Grand Mesa Youth Services Center in Grand Junction. German Michel-Arreola and Irene Michel-Arreola are being held in the Mesa County Detention Facility. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Dumping blacklist Dear Webby, Thanks for the hint about not "blacklisting" spam mail in Mail Washer because of the disposable addresses. Once I got all of the blacklisted names deleted (several hundred and adding more daily) and just bounce & delete them now the processes goes much faster. As usual you are still the "Great Tech Guru!!" Cookie Dear Cookie Just set the keep time to 1 day and age off the blacklist automatically every midnight. For known pests like certain inlaws, it's much better to make a permanent filter. Have FUN! DearWebby

Writing Tips: Don't abbrev. About sentence fragments. Don't not use no double negatives. Check to see if you any words out. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. Its important to use apostrophe's right. Don't use commas, that aren't necessary. A writer mustn't shift your point of view. It's better not to unnecessarily split an infinitive. Be carefully to use adjectives and adverbs correct. A preposition isn't a good thing to end a sentence with. Use hyphens in compound-words, not just in any two-word phrase. In letters compositions reports and things like that we use commas to keep a string of items apart. Only Proper Nouns should be capitalized. also a sentence should begin with a capital and end with a period Avoid clichés like the plague.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money on Furniture If you are going to buy cheap furniture, why not buy it really cheap? Visit your local thrift stores and look for gently used furniture. Keep an open mind. A coat of paint can make many pieces of furniture look new. Even particle board furniture can be painted, just use fine sand paper to lightly scuff the surface first. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
YeoJin Shim age 9
____________________________________________________ The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found her- self responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time--we'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children screamed, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!" ___________________________________________________
Avocado pits carved into tiny forest spirits. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD printed on all of them. She she asked the clerk what the letters were supposed to mean, and the clerk replied that the letters stood for What Would Jesus Do, and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. Cassie thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I don't think Jesus would pay $19.95 for one of these caps."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is **I have a headache** and the other story is **It's that time of the month.** " "Granted. Next!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 28, in 
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson. 

1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy of
"One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw

1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It was
the first passenger-carrying train to be built in America. 

1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout
the British Empire. 

1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers,
Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later
changedto "United Parcel Service." 

1916 Italy's declaration of war against Germany because Germany
was losing against the Allies, took effect duringWorld War I. 

1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the White

1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York City.
The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of time

1922 The Walker Cup was held for the first time at Southampton,
NY. It is the oldest international team golf match in America. 

1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane
took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178. 

1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream"
speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than
200,000 people attended. 

1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals at
the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world record
when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2 minutes and
7/10ths of a second. 

1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed
Kuwait City al-Kadhima. 

1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase
Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion deal. 

1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and
Princess Diana. This was the official end to their 15-year

1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order and
legal system based on the Koran. 

2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person to
swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, to
Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 

2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center officially
opened. The observation decks opened on August 30. 

2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was aimed
at delivering products across a city using unmanned flying

2017  smiled.

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Yahoo victims not getting subscriptions 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 27

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom Left 5 Kids Alone To Help Fugitive Boyfriend
Today, Aug 27 in
1789 The Declaration Of The Rights Of Man Was Adopted By 
The French National Assembly. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "There is nothing so powerful as truth, and often nothing so strange." --- Daniel Webster "Many people think that by hoarding money they are gaining safety for themselves. If money is your ONLY hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a person can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. Without these qualities, money is practically useless." --- Henry Ford ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Men and women compared: NICKNAMES -If Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Suzanne, Debra and Rose. -But if Mike, Charlie, Bob and John go out for a coffee, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Godzilla, Peanut-Head, and Useless. EATING OUT -When the bill arrives, Mike, Charlie, Bob and John will each throw in $20, even though it's only for $22.50. None of them will have anything smaller, and none will actually want change back. -When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators. And they split the change to the penny MONEY -A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants. -A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want. BATHROOMS -A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn. -The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. (Not identifiable to most men) ARGUMENTS -A woman has the last word in any argument. -Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument. CATS -Women love cats. -Men say they love cats, but when women aren't looking, men kick cats. FUTURE -A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband. -A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. SUCCESS -A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. -A successful woman is one who can find such a man. MARRIAGE -A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. -A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does. DRESSING UP -A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail. -A man will dress up for weddings, funerals. NATURAL -Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed. -Women somehow deteriorate during the night. OFFSPRING -Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends and favorite foods and secret fears and hopes and dreams. -A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house. MISTAKES -Any married man should forget his mistakes. -There's no use in two people remembering the same thing. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A little old lady was going up and down the halls in a nursing home. As she walked, she would flip up the hem of her nightgown and yell: "Supersex! Supersex!" She walked up to an elderly man in a wheelchair. Flipping her gown at him, she again said, "Supersex." He sat silently for a moment or two looking up at her. He finally answered, "I'll take the soup." ______________________________________________________ Attaching hurricane shutters to Sandie's house when hurricane Wilma approached in 2005. Thanks to her trusty old generator, I was able to write and send the Humor Letter even though power was out for 4 days. Some of you will remember the live reports from under the hurricane. I can definitely understand and feel for the folks in Texas! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tiffany Jackson, 34, Pitcairn, Pennsylvania Mom Left 5 Kids Alone To Help Fugitive Boyfriend Police say a Pittsburgh-area woman is facing charges for leaving her five children alone so she could drive her fugitive boyfriend across the state to avoid arrest. Thirty-four-year-old Tiffany Jackson, of Pitcairn, is charged with child endangerment and with hindering the apprehension of her boyfriend, 24-year-old Raheem Harvey, among other charges. Pitcairn police say Jackson drove Harvey to Philadelphia on Wednesday because police have warrants for his arrest, while leaving her children behind. Police say they range in age from 16 years old to 9 months old. Jackson told her 16-year-old daughter to watch the other children and didn't say when she would return home. The daughter then called her aunt, who contacted Pitcairn Police. “They haven't heard from their mother in over a day,” Pitcairn Police Chief Scott Farally said. “The 16-year-old reached out to her aunt, who was a complainant of this pertaining to them being alone and being concerned and scared.” Police say they've tried but failed to find Harvey at Jackson's house several times and that they have body camera video of her being told he's wanted by police on assault and other charges. Jackson and Harvey were arrested at a Greensburg hotel early Friday afternoon. According to the hotel, Jackson and Harvey checked in last Monday. They reportedly got into a fight and hotel employees threatened to call police. After seeing a news report about a woman accused of abandoning her children, hotel employees called state police Friday morning. State police were forced to taser Harvey after a short foot chase. “We were able to go and pick up Mrs. Jackson at the PSP in Greensburg,” Farally said. “However, Mr. Harvey is still in the custody of Pennsylvania State Police for additional charges.” Jackson was arraigned on numerous counts of endangering the welfare of children, recklessly endangering another person and hindering apprehension. Harvey remains locked up in the Westmoreland County Jail, charged with hindering apprehension and resisting arrest. As for the children, police say there were no serious signs of neglect, but they say baby-sitting four kids who don't know the whereabouts of their mother is too much to ask of a 16-year-old girl. “Is a 16-year-old able to baby-sit? Correct. However, when the 16-year-old reaches out for help, knowing that she's too stressed to do this and she doesn't know what to do, that's when the police got involved,” Farally said. Jackson was previously convicted in 2011 of endangering the welfare of children, when she abandoned them the same way, and she spent two years under house arrest. She is now jailed on $50,000 bond with a preliminary hearing scheduled for September. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Roon Re: Yahoo victim Dear Webby, I used to receive your newsletter daily for many years, but it stopped a while ago. Nothing on my end has changed as I am still using at&t for my ISP and have same user name (UID). I tried to go on and add UID, but your site said that already existed. Then I tried to delete the UID with no success, so I still cannot get your daily humor which I enjoy. Can you check on your end and see if there is a problem in UID Please let me know if you check and find nothing, and I will know if the trouble was on your end if I start receiving it again. I really miss the jokes. Thanks, Ron Dear Ron You are a silly Yahoo! and are just fake fronts for people, who don't want to be called a "silly yahoo". Underneath the phony front, it`s still Yahoo. Yes, you are still subscribed to the Humor Letter. Your newsletters still go out to you every night. Yahoo censors them. Once they have entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I can do. You have exactly three options: 1) You can try to make a filter to guard your newsletters from their censorship, or 2) screech a temper tantrum at Yahoo support and make them stop censoring your newsletters, or 3) get yourself a respectable address on the side, for example a Gmail address, like the one I am using to get around Yahoos censorship to reply to you, and tell me what that address is. Then I will switch your subscription over to that address. Btw., Ho'mail is NOT an option.Microsoft has announced 20 years ago that they are no longer supporting Hoe'mail. It can't be fixed, and the guys who wrote it, are hiding in the French Foreign Legion. Hoe'mail will censor your newsletter just like Yahoo. The sniveling ninnies don't seem to allow colored text and pictures. Get a RESPECTABLE address! I KNOW Gmail works. Proabbly a Million Yahoos use it. Since you get onto the net with Yahoo, your choices are a bit limited, but I am sure you can find out good alternatives on the forums if you are scared of Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Men know that women will wear low-cut dresses and expect the man not to look at their cleavage, but that they will feel snubbed if he doesn't try to look.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Stubborn Lug Nuts Carry a cross shaft lug wrench in your car to use when you get a flat. It gives you greater leverage than the single shaft wrenches that come with most new cars. You can also carry a metal pipe to fit over one of the shafts for even better leverage. Use short, sharp impacts rather than applying constant pressure to loosen a stubborn nut. Tip provided by A small can of WD40 should also be with your spare tire. Spray a bit onto the lug nuts, wait a few minutes, and THEN use the wrench. A rock or an old crescent wrench to beat on the cross wrench is also helpful. Remember, to UNDO lug nuts, you have to turn them counterclockwise. If all else fails, call AAA. You can get a membership over the phone. They will have a friendly guy show up quite shortly and he will have all kinds of tools and even WD40. Keep their local number in your glove box or their silvery sticker on the inside of the trunk. If you got it on the outside, one of their patrols will stop and see if you need help if they see you on the side of the road. I highly recommend a membership in AAA! Btw., you get one free tow per year with your membership. That can easily save you $500. You can sign up online. They will mail you the silver sticker and paperwork. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Cat nurses ducklings
____________________________________________________ A guy took a girl out on her first date. When they pulled off into a secluded area around midnight, the girl said, "My mother told me to say no to everything." "Well," he said, "do you mind if I put my arm around you?" "No," the girl replied. "Do you mind if I put my other hand on your leg?" "N-n-no," the girl stammered. "You know," Barry said, "We're going to have a lot of fun if you keep following your mothers orders!" ___________________________________________________
Hobo nickel with teeth! 2017.
___________________________________________________ A three-year-old in our congregation watches football games with his father and knows some of the signals the referee makes. On a recent Sunday as the pastor raised his hands high to offer a blessing, the child interrupted the service by yelling, "Touchdown!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill Farmer for this one: An oldie for Valentine's day: Two daughters of a recently widowed mother, decided the new young, single Pastor would be a good new Daddy. To get the romance started for their shy Mom, they decided to send a Valentine to the Pastor from their Mother They created their own beutiful heart shaped valentine, and decided the verse had to have something biblical -- searching the scripture they came up with the perfect rhyme. The pastor opened his valentine to read: "If you will be my Valentine, I will be your Concubine." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 27, in 
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to his
attacks on King Charles II. 

1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by the
French National Assembly. 

1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent during
preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 

1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was published
by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was about the peace
demands of England and France being met by China. 

1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the U.S. by
Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 

1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet. 

1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the first
time of his career by George LaBlanche. 

1892 The original Metropolitan Opera House in New York was
seriously damaged by fire. 

1894 The Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act was passed by the U.S.
Congress. The provision within for a graduated income tax was
later struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football
team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those who
worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay Packers.

1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some
papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet, Archibald

1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig. They
had been German until after WWI.

1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of the
Japanese government at the end of World War II. 

1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December
of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the
first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet. 

1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first
bombings from U.S. warplanes. 

1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. The
Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sunk in 1956 in the
waters off of Massachusetts. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first
citizen to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher that
was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died in the
Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 

1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day mission
in which three satellites were launched and another was
repaired and redeployed. 

1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. A
British communications satellite was onboard. 

1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36
Iraqi diplomats. 

1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its independence.

1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that would
halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 

1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to earn
more than $600 million. 

1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed
the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon
Mir for financial reasons. 

2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B
"Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported that
the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down." 

2001 Work began on the future site of a World War II memorial
on the U.S. capital's historic national Mall. The site is
between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. 

2017  smiled.

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Back-up bat with separate log 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 26

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk driver smashed into 17 cars while trying to park
Today, Aug 25 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius
Caesar. That is why there are so many latin words in the
English language.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 1970) If you ever start to feel too good about yourself, they have this thing called the Internet, and you can find a lot of people there who don't like you. --- Tina Fey Yeah, I noticed that too :D ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: (Dianne has two cats) Cookie Recipe Look in cookbook for cookie recipe. Get cup of coffee. Get cat off of cookbook. Find that special recipe. Get cat's nose out of coffee mug. Go to fridge and get eggs. Get dry ingredients from cupboard. Break eggs in small bowl. Sift dry ingredients into a large bowl Answer the phone. Cat ate eggs; get more from fridge. Get cat out of flour bowl and dust cat off. Get Band-Aids for scratches on hands. Throw flour out and get more. Preheat oven for cookies. Glare at cat with desire to bake cat now. Watch cat run for cover into bathroom. Flour the counter to roll out cookie dough. Run to bathroom to investigate loud crashing sound. Cat has toilet paper all over floor and your personal bathroom things have been knocked over on top of it. Yell at cat. Cat falls in toilet bowl. Take cat out of toilet to dry cat off. Get bandages to cover more scratches on arms and legs. Clean up bathroom. Run to kitchen to see what cat is doing now. Get cat off floured counter in kitchen. Try to pick cat hairs out of flour. Step on cat's tail and get bitten in ankle. Get coat, car keys, cat, and drive to store to buy cookies. Squeeze cat through partially open window into a stranger's car with Florida license plates at the store parking lot. Eat most of the cookies on the way home. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ This actually happened in the mid-1980s). In a trial, in a small SC town, a prosecuting attorney called his first witness to the stand. She was sworn in, asked if she would tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth, on the Bible, so help her God. The witness was a proper well-dressed elderly lady, the grandmother type, well-spoken and poised. The prosecuting attorney approached the woman and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, cheat on your wife, manipulate people and talk badly about them behind their backs!!. You think you're a rising big shot when you haven't the sense to realize you will never amount to anything more than a two-bit paper-pushing shyster. Yes, I know you quite well." The lawyer was stunned. He couldn't even think for a few moments. Then, he slowly backed away, fearing the looks on the judge and jurors' faces, not to mention the court reporter who documented every word. Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?" She replied again, "Why, yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, has a bad drinking problem. The man can't build or keep a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. Yes, I know ! him." The defense attorney almost fainted and was seen slipping downward in his chair, looking at the floor. Laughter mixed with gasps thundered throughout the court room and the audience was on the verge of chaos. At this point, the judge brought the courtroom to silence, called both counselors to the bench, and in a very quiet voice said, "If either of you crooked bastards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw you both in jail for contempt, and throw away the key!" ______________________________________________________ No-riding-on-my-back-I'm-still-digesting-the-last-tourist! I came across this picture when I was checking an old camera chip. That was from a trip to the Everglades with Sandie in 2001 or 2002. I was taking pictures of the alligators eyes, when I realized I was way too close and stepped back a few feet to get more of him onto the picture. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tony Futch, 25, Osceola County, Floriduh Drunk driver smashed into 17 cars while trying to park A drunken driver in Florida turned a parking lot into his own personal demolition derby, smashing into 17 cars while trying to park his Chevy Blazer, according to reports. Tony Futch, 25, turned into a one-man wrecking crew Friday in Osceola County when he returned home to the Gate Condominium complex allegedly inebriated, the Orlando Sentinel reported. Futch is accused of first ramming through the gate of the apartment complex around 4 a.m., then driving around in circles and smashing into his neighbors’ parked cars before parking his 2003 Blazer, according to an arrest report. The 17 cars were damaged in eight separate crashes. Becky Olsen, who lives in the complex, estimated her Hyundai Elantra sustained about $2,000 in damage, which she noticed as she was about to go to work. “I just came down, saw that the car next to mine was crooked and thought ‘what kind of jerk parked like that?’” Olsen told the Sentinel. Cops had to pepper spray Futch, who became “combative” and reeked of alcohol, according to an arrest report. The allegedly boozed-up bozo told them, “I’ll tell you everything I did, I will tell you anything you want” as he was being arrested. Futch — who had his license suspended in 2013 for DUI — refused to provide a breath sample. He was arrested on suspicion of drunken driving and also faces a charge of resisting arrest. He’s being held in Osceola County Jail on $9,250 bond. No license, no insurance. Typical. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosie Re: Back Up bat with log Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, when you were a harried mobile tech, occasionally sprinting through our offices with a computer and your tool case under your arms, or a quarter-ton IBM 3810 laser printer on your shoulder, fixing not just hardware, but anything from bimbo-malfunctions to Word Perfect macros, you wrote me a back-up bat. I transfered it to every new machine I got and it worked fine from DOS 3 to Windows 7. Unfortunately, I forgot to take it with me when I quit in a huff and formatted my work computer. Can you pretty please write me a new one just like that one, with a log of backaup dates? Thanks Rosie Dear Rosie We sure had fun in those days! OK, here is your old bat, as far as I remember it: @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\docs e:\docs time /T >> c:\t.txt date /T >> c:\t.txt echo Rosie's back-up bat has done it again! >> c:\t.txt type c:\t.txt pause Here is an explanation what each line does: color 9E changes the screen color from grey text on black to bright yellow text on blue @echo off stops it from echoing the commands to the screen xcopy.... copies only those files and folders that are newer at the source than at the destination time /T >> c:\t.txt puts the time into the t.txt log date /T writes the date in there echo Rosie's ... writes a line of text as a break between groups of date and time, so that it's clear to which date the time belongs. type c:\txt writes the log to the screen pause pauses everything to let you see the log and asks for a key press Anybody new to bats: Write the bat with a plain text editor and save it as b.bat, not b.bat.txt, but as b.bat Then make a shortcut to it and drag the shortcut icon to the desktop. Change the icon to a fun and recognizable one. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Ross for this one: I hate cuties like this one. I remember them during a dull sermon and start to chuckle. A Silent One An elderly couple was attending church services, about halfway through she leans over and says, "I just had a silent fart what do you think I should do?" He replies “Put a new battery in your hearing aid."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning Burned Caramel from a Pan While making caramel corn, I burned the bottom of my saucepan while making the syrup. I used hot water and Dawn to remove it. Put water and soap in the pan and boil on the stove for 10 minutes. The burned stuff came right off. By Pam from Milwaukee, WI Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A Brand New World
____________________________________________________ There are two statues in a park; one of a nude man and one of a nude woman. They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings the two to life. The angel tells them, "As a reward for being so patient through a hundred blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty minutes to do what you've wished to do the most." He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery. The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues. After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and laughing.... The angel tells them, "Um, you have fifteen minutes left, would you care to do it again? He asks her. "Shall we?" She eagerly replies, "Oh, yes, let's! But let's change positions. This time, I'll hold the pigeon down, and you sh.. on his head." AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? ___________________________________________________
Bird-Like Dinosaurs May Have Snuggled Together as They Slept 2017.
___________________________________________________ Classic vasectomy: After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided that was enough (they could not afford a larger doublewide). So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules) and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to have any more children. The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10. The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me" So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion. The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10. Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count. "1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand....
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ While we are in memory lane... It's the Spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date. He's a pretty hip guy with his own car. When he goes to the front door, the girl's father answers and invites him in. "Carrie's not ready yet. Why don't you have a seat?" Carrie's father asks Bobby what they're planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the soda shop or a movie. "Why don't you two go out and screw? I hear all the kids are doing it!" Naturally, this comes as a quite a surprise to Bobby so he asks Carrie's dad to please repeat himself. "Yeah," says Carrie's father, "Carrie really likes to screw; she'd screw all night if we let her!" A few minutes later, Carrie comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt and announces that she's ready to go. Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out of the front door. About 20 minutes later, a very dishevelled Carrie rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her, and screams at her father, "Dad, it's called the TWIST !" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 26, in 
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius

1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta." 

1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S. Congress
to start on July 1st. 

1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic. 

1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the first
U.S. public kindergarten. 

1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the
Spanish government. 

1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the basis of
sex in the voting booth. 

1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar region
back to Germany. France had taken it after WWI.

1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. 

1939 The first televised major league baseball games were
shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati
Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers. 

1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the U.S.
battleship Missouri at the end of World War II. 

1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic
missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union. 

1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled of
the assembly line. 

1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto opened. 

1973 A U.S. Presidential Proclamation was declared that made
August 26th Women's Equality Day. 

1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31 and
became the first German in space. 

1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft
missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over South

1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two
retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its
products door to door for 81 years. 

1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left
Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border. 

1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of Iraq.
The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at
protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims. 

1998 The U.S. government announced that they were investigating
Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they "bullied" Intel
into delaying new technology. 

2017  smiled.

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Superantispyware malfunction 

Good Morning, ,

Today is Friday, August 25
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Texas robber found asleep at the scene.
Today, Aug 25 in
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by 
British forces. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Early morning cheerfulness can be extremely obnoxious. --- William Feather (1908 - 1976) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: The owner of a golf course in Kentucky was confused about paying an invoice, so he decided to ask his secretary for some mathematical help. He called her into his office and said, "You graduated from The University of Kentucky and I need some help. If I were to give you $20, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" The secretary thought a moment, then replied, "Everything but my earrings." You gotta love those quick-witted Kentucky women! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While we're in Kentucky.... A group of Kentucky friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" the others asked. "Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles back up the trail," the successful hunter replied. "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back?" they inquired. "A tough call," nodded the hunter. "But I figured no one is going to steal Henry!" ______________________________________________________ Markhor Goat _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kanyoni Sedekiya, 20, Abilene, Texas Texas robber found asleep at the scene. For one Texas man, the saying, "You snooze, you lose" rings true. Robbery suspect Kanyoni Sedekiya was arrested after he was found dozing at the scene, according to police in Abilene, Texas. A police statement posted on Facebook said that early Friday morning "just before 4 a.m. police were called to a robbery in progress." Sedekiya had argued with his roommate before pulling a gun and demanding money, and "bound the man with tape and fell asleep inside the apartment," the statement read. An affidavit says that amid a verbal dispute, Sedekiya pointed a gun at his roommate and threatened to kill him before binding him with duct tape, according to the Abilene Reporter-News. Sedekiya was also accused in the report of stealing $80 from his roommate and breaking the roommate's phone. "The victim escaped the apartment while the suspect was asleep and called police from a neighbor's apartment," the police statement read. "Officers secured the area and the SWAT Team personnel arrived and were eventually able to negotiate" Sedekiya surrendering, it added. Taylor County jail records showed Sedekiya was being held Sunday on an aggravated robbery charge, with his bond set at $60,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Superantispyware Dear Webby, I have a ? About superantispyware, the free version,,it seems like its not doing its job,everytime I scan it, it usually picks up more than 600 pieces of spyware. Everytime I use it,thats about everyday,so is it not doing its job or should I get rid of it? It doen't seem like its helping at all,where does all the spyware come from and go to?I do have malewarebytes also, should I have them both together? Tyvm for all your help its gr8ly appreciated... Richi Hi Richi Your machine is infected with Incredimail, and in addition to that, you got AVG. You are a real crap magnet! Superantispyware CAN be useful as a "stinger" to go after one specific spyware item, but it is not meant to be used daily. If it picks up "more than 600 pieces of spyware" daily, then it is obviously trashed. UNinstall it completely with Revo Uninstaller or something like that. Download a fresh copy IF and when you need it for a specific spyware item, and dump it after that item has been found and gotten rid of. Then scan with Malwarebytes. That gets rid of bad shit. You can also use the free Spyware-Search&Destroy, and of course CrapCleaner. They get rid of stuff, that is not really bad, but just a nuisance. Both are in my tool box at, and have been for decades. Have FUN! DearWebby

A senior at Kentucky was overheard saying... "When the end of the world comes, I hope to be in Kentucky." When asked why, he replied he'd rather be in Kentucky because everything happens in Kentucky 20 years later than in the rest of the civilized world.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Wine Stains on Washable Fabrics If you spill wine on your clothing or a tablecloth, blot it immediately with a clean piece of cloth and sponge the area with cool water or club soda. If the stain is still there put salt on the stain and then pour hot (near boiling) water through the stain. Once the stain is weakened, wash the clothing normally with detergent. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A Brand New World
____________________________________________________ The young man came running into the store and said to his buddy, "Bubba, somebody just stole your pickup truck from the parking lot!" Bubba replied, "Did you see who it was? "The young man answered, "I couldn't tell, but I got the license number." ___________________________________________________
Photos taken by AI (Artificial Intelligence) 2017.
___________________________________________________ NEWS FLASH! - Kentucky's worst air disaster occurred! when a small two-seater Cessna 150 plane, piloted by two University of Kentucky students, crashed into a cemetery earlier today. Search and Rescue workers have recovered 300 bodies so far and expect the number to climb as digging continues into the evening. The pilot and copilot survived and are helping in the recovery efforts.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctor operated and after the surgery advised him that all was well. However, in the recovery room the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctor hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence... "Get well quick...from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 25, in 
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana.
Some settled in present-day New Orleans. 

1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British

1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil. 

1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine. 

1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to Calais,
France making him the first person to swim the English Channel.
The feat took about 22 hours. 

1916 The National Park Service was established as part of the
U.S. Department of the Interior. 

1920 Ethelda Bleibtrey won the 100-meter freestyle swimming
competition in Antwerp, Belgium. She was the first woman to win
an Olympic competition for the U.S. 

1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska arrived
in Nome. 

1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany. 

1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in
reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of German

1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the Soviet
Union and England controlled Iran. 

1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill
appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon. 

1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending four
years of German occupation. 

1944 Romania declared war on Germany. 

1949 NBC Radio debuted "Father Knows Best." The show went to TV
in 1954. 

1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S.
railroads to avert a strike. 

1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT scan)
was introduced. 

1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of Jesus
Christ went on display for the first time in 45 years. 

1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about
Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet. 

1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion grain
pact, sending free seed grain tothe Soviet Union to make
profitable grain sales a thing of the past.

1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that ran
the Iranian government. 

1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their
eight years of war. 

1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations to
enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq after
their invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union. 

1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking
significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts. 

1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the United
States. He said the spying case against him in China was "all

1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion settlement
with the state of Florida. 

2017  smiled.

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Printing multiple copies with Clickbook 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 24

Thank you, Norm!!!

From here in Canada what is going on in the US looks
ridiculously insane. Robert E Lee was never a slave owner, and
the feds wanted him as a general, but he decided to defend the
Virginia hillbillies against the feds and their unilateral

There was nothing racial about it, just the Southern
Hillbillies standing up against the feds.

If these L-.... swallowed a bunch of mosquitos to get their
combined IQ to a positive number, then they would make Robert E
Lee their hero and patron saint. After all, they want to stand
up against the feds. 

Aside from Soros and Hillary, WHO is their hero?
Who else pays them?

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Parents arrested, children in state custody 
after raid of Florida grow house
Today, Aug 24 in
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadians who set fire to
the White House and Capitol. The White House got its name when
it was whitewashed after the fire. Canadians still brag about
that. The US retaliated by burning down York. York was rebuilt
as Toronto.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ None but a coward dares to boast that he has never known fear. --- Ferdinand Foch (1851 - 1929) Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition that's troublesome. --- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Cindy I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "I’ve never flown before, said the nervous old lady to the pilot. You will bring me down safely, won’t you?" "All I can say ma’am, said the pilot, is that I’ve never left anyone up there yet!" ______________________________________________________ Mt Rainier _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rolando Naranjo, 41, Betsy Espinoza,33, Hialeah, Floriduh Parents arrested, children in state custody after raid of Florida grow house A suspected marijuana grow house in Hialeah has two parents in custody and children found inside in the hands of the Department of Children and Families. The Miami Herald reports a Palm Springs Middle School teacher noticed the smell of marijuana coming from the 11-year-old boy’s backpack. He notified a Miami-Dade Schools police officer. A police report says the boy told officers there are marijuana plants in his house and his dad uses his backpack to transport the drug. He also said people go to his house to buy marijuana. The raid happened Monday at an apartment complex on West 25th Court and West 60th Street. 41-year-old Rolando Naranjo and 32- year-old Betsy Espinoza were arrested and are facing multiple counts, including marijuana possession, possession of manufacturing equipment and child neglect. Police say they had received a call after a teacher for the couple's 11-year-old child said his clothes smelled like marijuana. Once they entered the home, they found the parents, the 11-year-old and a four-year-old child were living in one room while the other bedroom in the apartment was being used to grow the drug. A police report said there was very little food in the house as well as mold growing and dirty clothes throughout the home - along with no way to prevent the kids from entering the room with the drugs. Officials confiscated 10 marijuana plants, weighing a total of 31 pounds, along with high wattage lamps, scales, pipes and other items used for distribution and sale. The apartment is located less than 1000 feet from Ben Shepherd Elementary School. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Printing multiple copies with ClickBook Dear Webby, You wrote about printing brochures with ClickBook a while back. Do you have to print one brochure and then drop the printed paper down into feed bin after each brochure, or can you print a whole bunch at a time? Thanks Rhonda Dear Rhonda You can print one side of a whole bunch of brochures, and then drop the whole stack of them down into the feed tray. If you set it for more copies than you have paper in the tray, it will give you a paper error and continue peacefully after you refill the tray. I wish the folding and stapling was that easy! Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Dave for this story: My job is in the aerospace industry, and it's always been a challenge to explain what kind of work I do. At one gathering, I tried several unsuccessful attempted explanations before deciding to be as generic as possible. When the subject came up while I was talking with a group of guys, I replied simply, "Defense contractor." The men nodded, and as the conversation went on, I silently declared victory to myself. Then, one of them turned to me and asked, "So, what do you put up mainly? Chain-link, or picket?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money on Video Games Don't buy games as soon as they come out. A year later you can often find games for half their original price. Even if you only wait a few weeks you can find the hot games in the used market at local stores or on eBay. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Cards with Willie Nelson
____________________________________________________ Mike's parents have four children. Their names are Penny, Dime and Quarter. What is the fourth child's name? (Answer at the end) ___________________________________________________
A Rift Runs Through It: Iceland's Divergence of the Plates 2017.
___________________________________________________ After much urging by his wife, my Uncle Joe applied for work on a farm. The foreman decided to give him a try and handed Joe a stool and a bucket and told him to milk a cow. An hour later Uncle Joe returned dirty and sweaty, the bucket in one hand and the broken stool in the other. "Extracting the milk was easy," he explained. "The worst part was getting the cow to sit on the stool."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A noted psychiatrist was a guest at an opera lover's banquet, and his hostess naturally broached the subject in which the doctor was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me, Doctor," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask him a simple question which everyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?' The woman thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example, would you? I must confess I don't know much about history." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 24, in 
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000
people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were
buried in volcanic ash. 

0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the fall
of the Western Roman Empire. 

1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed. 

1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 people.

1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by Canadians who set fire to
the White House and Capitol. The White House got its name when
it was whitewashed after the fire. Canadians still brag about
that. The US retaliated by burning down York. York was rebuilt
as Toronto.

1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius

1891 Thomas Edison applied patents for the kinetoscope and
kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168). 

1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through the
U.S. Post Office mail system. Sending kids by mail remained

1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across the
U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, NJ,
took about 19 hours. 

1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into
effect. The agreement was that an attack against on one of the
parties would be considered "an attack against them all." 

1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S.
when the Communist Control Act went into effect. 

1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was
sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while
Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-American
U.S. representative. 

1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches becoming
the first to break the 17-foot barrier. 

1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they
exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific. 

1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South Africa as
racial violence rocked the country. 

1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were left

1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on their

1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs of

1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait. 

1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the head
of the Communist Party. 

1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations. 

1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale. 

1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the evidence
that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the VX nerve
gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S. missiles on
August 20, 1998. 

1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, to
the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse Memorial.
The beads are said to be those that were used in 1626 to buy
Manhattan from the Indians. 

2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle out
of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in a
rollover accident in their Ford Explorer. 

2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the
Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found
about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it
would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would be

2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was randomly
picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case. The judge was
to decide how Microsoft should be punished for illegally trying
to squelch its competitors. 

2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere
Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to budget
restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for monitoring
a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it was designed to
provide information about the upper atmosphere by measuring its
winds, temperatures, chemistry and energy received from the

2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" by
the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's status was
changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object qualifying as
a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules because it orbits
the sun and is large enough to assume a nearly round shape.
However, since Pluto has an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit
of Neptune it disqualified Pluto as a planet. 

2017  smiled.
Mike's name is Mike

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Multiple Explorer windows 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 23

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illinois Professor's Twisted Fantasies Led to Stabbing
Today, Aug 23 in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in war with China.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Happiness doesn't come from doing what we like to do But from liking what we have to do. --- Wilferd A. Peterson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ This is a Classic, that has been around: A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to yell and scream, "Where did you get that car?" He calmly told them, "I bought it today." "With what money?" demanded his parents. We know what a Porsche costs.." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said. "It was the lady up the street," said the boy. I don't know her name-they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars." "Oh my Goodness!," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on." So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it. "Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and really doesn't intend to come back. He claimed he was stranded and asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A well known diplomat had just returned from a weekend at a stately country home. When he was asked by a friend whether or not he'd had a good time, he said, "If the soup had been as warm as the wine, the wine as old as the chicken, the chicken as tender as the upstairs maid, and the maid as willing as the Lady of the house, it would have been perfect." ______________________________________________________ Emperor Tamarin _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ladarius Blue, 26, Cedar Rapids, Iowa Eclipse aids in arrest of Iowas most wanted sex offender Cedar Rapids Police said the solar eclipse Monday helped them capture a man on the most wanted sex offenders list. Police said the Iowa Division of Criminal Investigation wanted 26-year-old Ladarius Blue of Waterloo for failing to register as a sex offender. DCI agents haven't known where Blue was since early June. The U.S. Marshals and DCI investigators had narrowed the search for Blue to Cedar Rapids. Police, DCI agents, Linn County Sheriff's Deputies, and U.S. Marshals set up surveillance on Monday in the 1300 block of G Avenue and saw Blue leave a residence in what appeared to be an attempt to observe the solar eclipse. When officers approached him, Blue ran off, leading officers on a foot chase through the northeast side of Cedar Rapids. A citizen told law enforcement they had watched a man climb into their yard waste container in the 800 block of Oakland Road NE. That's where officers arrested Blue before taking him to the Linn County Jail. Blue was convicted in 2010 in Fayette County for a lascivious act with a female child under age 13. In 2011, Blue pleaded guilty in Fayette County for failure to register as a sex offender. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Maura Re: Multiple eplorer windows Dear Webby, ... Now I can only open one browser window at a time. I used to be able to have several open at once. What shall I do? Please help! thank you, Maura Dear Maura That's probably the setting in Explorer, View, Folder Options. If you have a checkmark there telling it to re-use the open window, then it will do just that, instead of opening a new, additional window. Have FUN! DearWebby

Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All this time we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Crack a Nut Without a Nut Cracker No nut cracker on hand? Here are some other ways to crack a nut. 1. Use a vice grip or pliers. 2. Place the nut in a towel and hit it with a blunt option like a hammer or mallet. Tip provided by A safer way to crack nuts is to put them into a leather or canvas baggie, and hold that baggie near the hinge of an opened door, where the door and frame make an open "V". Slowly and gently closing the door part way cracks the shells of the nuts in the baggie. Slowly and gently, just in case your fingers are at the wrong end of the baggie. The door hinge vise can be used for all kinds of powerful work. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Science tricks
____________________________________________________ Why do women pay more attention to their appearance than to improving their minds? Because,... A lot of men are stupid, but very few are blind. ___________________________________________________
Badass trees that refuse to die. 2017.
___________________________________________________ "How did the wedding go?" asked the preacher's wife. "Just fine until I asked the bride if she would obey and she said, 'Do you think I'm nuts?' and the groom said, 'I agree,' and then things really began to happen fast."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Gender specific poems: FEMALE POEM I want a man who's handsome, smart and strong. One who loves to listen all day long, One who thinks before he speaks, One who'll call, not wait for weeks. I want him to be gainfully employed, And when I spend his cash, not be annoyed. Pulls out my chair and opens my door, Massages my back and begs to do more. Oh! For a man who makes love to my mind, and knows what to answer to "how big is my behind?" I want this man to love me to no end, And forever be my very best friend. MALE POEM I want a deaf-mute nymphomaniac with huge boobs, who owns a gas station, a liquor store and a fishing boat. I know this doesn't rhyme, but I don't care. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 23, in 
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China. 

1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H.

1902 Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss
Farmer’s School of Cookery, in Boston, MA. 

1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars. 

1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war on
Germany in World War I. 

1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression

1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion
Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would abandon
the Axis and flip to the winning Allies. 

1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World War

1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect. 

1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an infant. 

1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S. and
Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite. 

1979 Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the Bolshoi
Ballet was on tour in New York City. 

1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel
president. He was assassinated three weeks later. 

1984 South Fork Ranch, the home of the fictitious Ewing clan of
the CBS-TV show, "Dallas," was sold. The ranch was to be
transformed from a tourist site into a hotel. 

1987 Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were married.
The event was called the "Union of Great Minds" since Savant
had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor of the artificial

1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state
television with a group of Western detainees that he referred
to as "guests." He told the group that they were being held "to
prevent the scourge of war." 

1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael
Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation. 

1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling
cigarettes to children. 

1998 Protestors in Sudan carried a sign that bore the
resemblance of Monica Lewinsky and the words "No War for
Monika." The anti-U.S. demonstration was in Khartoum, Sudan. 

1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again. 

1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been buried
in rubble from an earthquake for about a week. 

1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the Great
Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43 day ordeal
Bogucki lost 44 pounds. 

2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on CBS'
"Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the island of
Pulau Tida in the South China Sea. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 22

The eclipse was quite neat through my old gas welding
goggles. This was the 4th eclipse I watched with them. As
always I was surprised at how sharp the sun looks through
them. Not uncomfortably bright, but very sharp.

The neatest trick, though, was what Noella did. She used a
mirror to shine the eclipse onto her neighbors siding.
Keep that in mind for the next one!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illinois Professor's Twisted Fantasies Led to Stabbing
Today, Aug 22 in
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III. He noticed!
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Never leave that till tomorrow which you can do today." --- Benjamin Franklin "Procrastinate Now! --- Hilary ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would preach on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of time. A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together. The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text. "Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was" - he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits long, fifty wide and thirty high." He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it that still amaze me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to continue for the next 10 minutes. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Wyndham Lathem Andrew Warren Chicago, Illinois Illinois Professor's Twisted Fantasies Led to Stabbing Two men from the academic world joined forces to live out their twisted murder fantasy, prosecutors said at a hearing for Wyndham Lathem and Andrew Warren in Chicago Sunday. Prosecutors said Lathem, a microbiology professor at Northwestern University, and Warren, a treasurer at Oxford University, communicated for months in an online chat room about their "sexual fantasies of killing others and then themselves," the Chicago Tribune reports. Prosecutors said the men decided to kill other people before killing each other simultaneously. Lathem allegedly decided that their first victim would be Trenton Cornell-Duranleau, his 26-year- old boyfriend. Prosecutors said that on July 27, days after Lathem paid for Warren to travel to the US to carry out their fantasies, they attacked Cornell-Duranleau while he was asleep in Lathem's apartment, the AP reports. The medical examiner testified that the attack left him with 70 stab wounds, some of which almost decapitated him. The two men then went on the run instead of carrying out their plan to kill each other, prosecutors say. After eight days, they surrendered to authorities in California. Lathem's lawyer told the court that his client, a plague expert who has since been fired by Northwestern, is a "distinguished microbiologist," but the judge denied bail for both men. "The heinous facts speak for themselves," he said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rosa Re: Find newsletters Dear Webby, Is there a site somewhere where I can find and select specific newsletters and see a sample or try them out? Thanks Rosa Dear Rosa if you vote for the Humor Letter, then you are already there. if you don't vote, browse to and you will see over 500 top rated newsletters. Each has a short description, and it tells you how often it is issued, for example daily, weekly, monthly. You also see the votes from the subscribers. The votes show you how lively and responsive the subscribers are. Lots of votes indicate a responsive reader family that keeps the author on the straight and narrow. Few votes indicate an audience that does not care or has given up reading. Once you have found what you were looking for, you can subscribe right from there Have FUN! DearWebby

WHAT IS A CAT? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They never listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: They're tiny women in little fur coats. WHAT IS A DOG? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you rub their tummies. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. Conclusion: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Remedy for Too Much Perfume Most people don't even realize they are wearing too much perfume. If you can still smell your perfume a half hour after putting it on, you likely are wearing too much. To help prevent putting too much on, spray it in front of you and then walk through the spray. To remove excess perfume, make a paste of water and baking soda and rub it where you applied the perfume, then rinse off the area with water. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Science tricks
____________________________________________________ Judi was talking to Monika one morning about a recent NASA new article. Judi said, "I can see how astronomers figure out the distance of stars and their size and temperatures and all that. But there's one thing I can't figure out." "What's that?" Monika asked. "How do they find out what the stars' names are?" ___________________________________________________
Badass trees that refuse to die. 2017.
___________________________________________________ A tour bus driver is driving with a bus load of seniors down a highway when he is tapped on his shoulder by a little old lady. She offers him a handful of peanuts, which he gratefully munches up. After about 15 minutes, she taps him on his shoulder again and she hands him another handful of peanuts. She repeats this gesture about five more times. When she is about to hand him another batch again he asks the little old lady, "Why they don't you eat the peanuts yourself?". "We can't chew them because we've no teeth", she replied. The puzzled driver asks, "Why do you buy them then?" The old lady replied, "We just love the chocolate around them."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry M for this report: There is a new study out about women and how they feel about their asses! I thought the results were pretty interesting: 85% of women think their ass is too fat. 10% of women think their ass is too skinny. The other 5% sayd they don't care, they love him, he's a good man, and they would have married him anyway. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 22, in 
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry VII. 

1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the

1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors. 

1762 Ann Franklin became the editor of the Mercury of Newport
in Rhode Island. She was the first female editor of an
American newspaper. 

1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there. 

1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III. He noticed!

1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico. 

1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English
coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup.

1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William Sheppard.

1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became the first president of the United States to ride in an

1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with horn
cabinet, sold for $200. 

1910 Japan formally annexed Korea. 

1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The painting
reappeared two years later in Italy. 

1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its
first TV broadcast in England. 

1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II. 

1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters perform.
It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game. 

1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne
had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy Rockefeller

1968 Pope Paul VI arrived in Bogota, Colombia, for the start
of the first papal visit to Latin America. 

1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to
withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games. 

1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S.
President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the
same year. 

1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly line
in New Stanton, PA. 

1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late
Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old nuclear
contamination lawsuit. 

1989 Nolan Ryan became the first major league pitcher to
strike out 5000 batters. (MLB) 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for
calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the
Persian Gulf. 

1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S.
Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam
Hussein's demand. 

1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the
summer-long cigarette shortage. 

1991 It was announced by Yugoslavia that a truce ordered on
August 7th with Croatia had collapsed. 

1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the
collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged
the men that had tried to oust him. 

1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out against

1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from

2004 In Oslo, Norway, a version of Edvard Munch's "The
Scream" and his work "Madonna" were stolen from the Munch
Museum. This version of "The Scream," one of four different
versions, was a tempera painting on board. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 21

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman caught snorting cocaine from iPhone 
screen in school parent pick-up line
Today, Aug 21 in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took possession of Santa Fe, NM. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Computer dating is fine, if you're a computer. --- Rita Mae Brown ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Just like there is supposedly a "Husband Store", Martin reports there also is a "Wives" store. In contrast: A new WIVES STORE opened across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex, like to cook and have money. The third through sixth floors have never been visited. Nobody knows what is up there. ----------- I sure would like to find out where that store is! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Actual statments from car insurance claims... (and they give these people drivers licenses, GEEZ) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 'I started to slow down but the traffic was more stationary than I thought.' 'A car drove away at speed catching our client who went up in the air and his head went through the windscreen and then rolled off at the traffic lights a good few feet away. The car then sped off and miraculously our client remained conscious and managed to cross the road.' 'Unfortunately our client does not accept your offer. He is extremely interested in keeping the vehicle and would thank you to consider a 'cash in loo' settlement.' 'The customer was reversing his car round a corner. He was concentrating so hard he backed straight into a signpost, denting his car. Fortunately he was in the right place. The signpost was outside a garage and read 'Free estimates for Accident Repairs'.' 'I am responsible for the accident as I was miles away at the time.' 'I pulled into a lay-by with smoke coming from under the bonnet. I realised the car was on fire so took my dog and smothered it with a blanket.' Q: 'Could either driver have done anything to avoid the accident?' A: 'Travelled by bus?' 'I had one eye on a parked car, another on approaching lorries, and another on the woman behind'. 'I started to turn and it was at this point I noticed a camel and an elephant tethered at the verge. This distraction caused me to lose concentration and hit a bollard.' 'I was going down the car park ramp when I hit a giant plastic mouse' 'I was stationary at the junction when a Mini in front rolled back and wrote off my Volvo'. 'On the M6 I moved from the centre lane to the fast lane but the other car didn't give way.' 'On approach to the traffic lights the car in front suddenly broke.' 'The woman jumped onto a Zebra crossing in front of me.' 'Having checked the road was clear I pulled out when the motorcycle approached from nowhere and collided with my car.' 'Insured failed to observe end of pier and careened off into Irish Sea.' 'Three men approached me from the minibus. I thought they were coming to apologise. Two of the men grabbed hold of me by my arms and the first slapped me several times across the face. I kneed the man in the groin but didn't connect properly so I kicked him in the shin.' 'Travelling along road and was hit by vehicle'. 'I hooted at the pedestrian but he stared at me.' A Norwich Union customer collided with a cow. The questions and answers on the claim form were: Q - What warning was given by you? A -Horn Q - What warning was given by the other party? A - Moo 'On approaching roundabout I could see no vehicles coming from my right when suddenly the car in front braked and I hit him in the rear.' 'I was going at about 70 or 80 mph when my girlfriend on the pillion reached over and grabbed my testicles so I lost control.' 'I was riding my motorbike under the influence of cannabis when I was chased by the police and stacked my bike.' 'I didn't think the speed limit applied after midnight!' 'I was on my way to see an unconscious patient who had convulsions and was blocked by a tanker.' 'Mr X is in hospital and says I can use his car and take his wife while he is there. What shall I do about it?' 'No witnesses would admit having seen the mishap until after it happened.' 'I knew the dog was possessive about the car but I would not have asked her to drive it if I had thought there was any risk.' 'While proceeding through 'Monkey Jungle', the vehicle was enveloped by small fat brown grinning monkeys. Number three fat brown money (with buck teeth) proceeded to swing in an anticlockwise direction on the radio aerial. Repeated request to desist were ignored. Approximately 2 minutes and 43 seconds later, small fat brown monkey disappeared in 'Monkey Jungle' clutching radio aerial.' Q: Do you engage in motorcycling, hunting or any other pastimes of a hazardous nature? A: Watch the Marty Caine Show and listen to Terry Wogan. 'First car stopped suddenly, second car hit first car and a haggis ran into the rear of second car.' 'Windscreen broken. Cause unknown. Probably voodoo.' 'The car in front hit the pedestrian but he got up so I hit him again.' 'We had completed the turn and had just straightened the car when Miss X put her foot down hard and headed for the ladies' loo.' 'I had been driving for 40 years when I fell asleep at the wheel and had an accident.' 'Mr O'Leary had his springs attended to.' One policyholder, driving down a road, knocked over a pedestrian. The claim form revealed that the pedestrian's name was J Walker. 'I thought my window was down, but I found out it wasn't when I put my head through it'. 'A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face'. 'A pedestrian hit me and went under my car'. 'I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection a hedge sprang up obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car.' 'I am sure the old fellow would never make it to the other side of the road when I struck him.' 'The pedestrian had no idea which way to run, so I ran over him.' 'I saw a slow-moving, sad faced old gentleman, as he bounced off the hood of my car!' 'The indirect cause of the accident was a little guy in a small car with a big mouth.' 'The telephone pole was approaching. I was attempting to swerve out of the way when it struck the front end.' ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Christina Hester, 39, Fort Myers, Floriduh Woman caught snorting cocaine from iPhone screen in school parent pick-up line Christina Hester, 39, of Fort Myers, was arrested on Tuesday for allegedly snorting cocaine in her car in the parents' pick-up line at Lexington Middle School. A school resource officer said they witnessed Hester chopping up a white powdery substance on her iPhone screen using a credit card, according to a Lee County Sheriff's Office report. The report said she snorted the substance with a cut straw. The officer had her get out of the car and go up to his office, where he made the arrest. The officer field-tested the substance, which tested positive for cocaine. The total package weight was 0.5 grams. Hester is in custody on $6,500 bail, facing charges of cocaine possession and possession of drug paraphernalia. The make and model of her car were not listed in a sheriff's office report. It's not entirely clear whether she is the parent of a student at the school. The report said the Department of Children and Families was contacted. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bruce Re: BCC Dear Webby, I receive forwarded e-mails with lots of valid addresses in them. I've been bugging people to cut and paste just the contents and to use BCC on e-mails. I contend that it will prevent lots of valid e-mail addresses from eventually being forwarded inadvertently to spammers. This doesn't always make me popular, because it's slightly more difficult. Am I just blowing smoke here? Thanks for the newsletter, Bruce Dear Bruce You are 100% right. Most of those silly forwards are just gullibility traps started by spammers. They want to harvest the most gullible newbies, so that they can sell their snake oil and fake Rolexes to them, and get them subscribed to Honest Abe's Stockmarket Tips. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Ross for this classic! Emanuel Macron, The French President, is sitting in his office when his telephone rings. "Hallo, Mr. Macron!" a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy Down at the Harp Pub in County Clare, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on ye!" "Well, Paddy," Macron replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?" "Right now," says Paddy, after a moment's calculation, "there is meself, me Cousin Sean, me next door neighbour Seamus, and the entire darts team from the pub. That makes eight!" Macron paused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100,000 men in my army waiting to move on my command." "Begoora!" says Paddy. "I'll have to ring you back." Sure enough, the next day, Paddy calls again. "Mr. Macron, the war is stil on. We have managed to get us some infantry equipment!" "And what equipment would that be Paddy?" Macron asks. "Well, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Murphy's farm tractor," answers Paddy. Macron sighs amused. "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 6,000 tanks and 5,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I have increased my army to 150,000 since we last spoke." "Saints preserve us!" says Paddy. "I'll have to get back to you." Sure enough, Paddy rings again the next day. "Mr. Macron, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We have modified Jackie McLaughlin's ultra-light with a couple of shotguns in the cockpit, and four boyos from the Shamrock Pub have joined us as well!" Macron was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat "I must tell you, Paddy, that I have 100 bombers and 200 fighter planes. My military bases are surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I have increased my army to 200,000!" "Jesus, Mary, and Joseph!" says Paddy, "I will have to ring you back." Sure enough, Paddy calls again the next day. "Top o' the mornin', Mr. Macron! I am sorry to inform you that we have had to call off the war." "Really? I am sorry to hear that," says Macron. "Why the sudden change of heart?" "Well," says Paddy, "we had a long chat over a few jars of Guinness, and decided there is no damn way we can feed 200,000 prisoners."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Line Drying Clothing Tips and Tricks By andrea.henderso80 [3 Posts, 99 Comments] Using a clothesline outside or a drying rack inside can help save in more than one way. Drip or line drying saves on the electric bill because you aren't using the dryer as much or adding heat to the A/C load by using the dryer. It also saves your clothes because it won't shrink them or wear them out as fast and helps them stay bright and new looking longer. If you need to fluff them up a little or remove those stiff wrinkles, then while they are just a little bit damp, put them in the dryer on low heat with a couple of tennis balls for a little bit. Or after they are dry, put them in the dryer with a damp towel on low heat and again add tennis balls. You will be amazed! The combination of the low heat and a little dampness has a way of releasing wrinkles and the tennis balls add the fluff. You don't really need heat for fluffing your jeans or whatever. Just set the dryer to FLUFF, or DELICATE, no heat, add a tennis ball or smooth baby's sneaker, and they will fluff up quite nicely. Here it is almost always windy, so line drying takes all wrinkles out and it is very rarely that I have to use the dryer. I set up a clothes line on a reel from the porch to the garage. I can hang clothes even in the rain, while I am under the porch roof, and let the rain give the clothes an extra soft rinse. They will dry when the rain stops, then I pull the line and have the clothes come to me. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Science tricks
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, me dog is dead. Could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I'm afraid not; we cannot have services for an animal in the church. But there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature." Muldoon said, "I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?" Father Patrick exclaimed, "Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic? ___________________________________________________
Awesome video compiled by a storm chaser and music to go with the incredible video. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for these stats: Doctors: (A) The number of doctors in the US is 700,000 (B) Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year are 120,000 (C) Accidental deaths per physician is 17.14% Statistics courtesy of the US Dept. of Health &Human Services Guns: (A) The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000 (yes that's 80 million) (B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500. (C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.001875% Statistics courtesy of the FBI So statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. Remember, guns don't kill people, doctors do. FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN, BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS A DOCTOR. Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We should ban doctors before this gets completely out of hand! Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A little boy and a little girl attended the same school and became friends. Every day they would sit together to eat their lunch. They discovered that they both brought chicken sandwiches every day! This went on all through the fourth and fifth grades, until one day he noticed that her sandwich wasn't a chicken sandwich. He said, "Hey, how come you're not eating chicken, don't you like it anymore?" She said "I love it but I have to stop eating it." "Why?" he asked. She pointed to her lap and said "Cause I'm starting to grow little feathers down there!" "Let me see" he said. "Okay" and she pulled up her skirt. He looked and said, "That's right. You are! Better not eat any more chicken." He kept eating his chicken sandwiches until one day he brought peanut butter. He said to the little girl, "I have to stop eating chicken sandwiches, I'm starting to get feathers down there too!" She asked if she could look, so he pulled down his pants for her. She said "Oh, my God, it's too late for you! You've already got the neck and the gizzards!!!!!!!! ____________________________________________________

Today, August 21, in 
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM. 

1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed. 

1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton.

1878 The American Bar Association was formed by a group of
lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY. 

1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs. 

1912 Arthur R. Eldred became the first American boy to become
an Eagle Scout. It is the highest rank in the Boy Scouts of

1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their

1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska
had been the last North American foothold held by the

1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program that
had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's Allies
during World War II. 

1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower
also issued the order for the 50 star flag. 

1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army troops
and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist anti-government

1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the Neptune
moon called Triton. 

1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was
led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin. 

1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. The
fate of the spacecraft is unknown. The mission cost $980

1996 The Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act
of 1996 was signed by U.S. President Clinton. The act made it
easier to obtain and keep health insurance. 

1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the
largest food recall in U.S. history. 

1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States. 

2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended
his term in office and granted himself powers that included
the right to dissolve parliament. 

2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.

2017  smiled.

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Voice message email 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 17

Today I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

>From Cajunbuckeye
Now I surely do miss your paper while  you are gone getting
your eyes medicated and all, but if I may suggest could you
not run reruns of your paper maybe the highest asked
question  of the week or month or so…I am so bored when I
have to waitt till Monday to get my dose of Dear Webby…
have a great weekennd

Dear Cajunbuckeye
The problem is not with the writing, but with the sending.
To prevent unauthorized hackers from abusing the sending
program, it is quite tricky.

That is the reason even Ophelia's newsletters get paused for
three days. I can't delegate the sending. I tried that one

With an average of $30 in donations per good month, I
definitely can't pay anybody to do that for me.

You probably have saved old ones in your archive. Just scroll
through your archive.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Domestic Assault Suspect Rams Patrol Car
Today, Aug 17 in
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Mistakes are the portals of discovery. --- James Joyce (1882 - 1941) We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have thinking without facts. --- John Dewey (1859 - 1952) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On the border of Kentucky and Tennessee there's a small forest. Half of the forest belongs to a Kentucky farmer, while the other half belongs to a Tennessee man. One day, while out for a walk in the woods, the Tennessee man comes across a wolf caught in a trap. He rushes back to his house and calls his Kentucky neighbor. "There's one of your wolves caught in a trap on my side of the forest." "How do you know it's one of *our* wolves?" the Kentucky farmer asked. "Well," the Tennessee man replied, "he's already chewed off three of his legs and he's still trapped." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Anyone who's ever ridden in a cab in Washington DC knows they're some of the world's most brazen drivers. Oddly enough though, their current accident rate isn't all that bad. I asked one of the drivers one day the reason for that. "Easy," he said. "all the really bad drivers are dead now." ______________________________________________________ Mt Tamalpais By Michael Hayashi _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Daniel Gaines, 35, Camdenton, Mo Domestic Assault Suspect Rams Patrol Car A man from Camdenton is jailed after he allegedly assaulted his wife and rammed a deputy patrol car while attempting to evade authorities. 35-year-old Daniel Gaines is accused of hitting his wife in the face and choking her on Monday night. Deputies got a 911 call at 10:20 p.m. Monday about the domestic disturbance off Hidden Drive in Camdenton but Gaines had left the scene before police arrived. Deputies located the man near Highway 54 and the North Highway 5 exit, according to a press release. Deputies with the Camden County Sheriff's Department briefly stopped Gaines' red 2010 F-150 truck around 11:53 p.m. before he sped off quickly. One deputy attempted to pass Gaines during the chase. Gaines rammed the patrol car numerous times on the dry gap bridge prior to the Niangua Bridge, eventually disabling the patrol vehicle. He then continued driving towards his home, through a ditch which eventually brought the chase to an end. Gaines then began to, as the press release states, "advance(d) on the deputies at which time a deputy’s taser was deployed." He was taken into custody and charged with first-degree assault, domestic assault, property damage, resisting arrest, and misdemeanor possession of marijuana. Gaines is being held without bond in Camden County Jail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nadia Re: Voice message email Dear Webby, I keep getting these emails with "Click attachment to listen to Voice Message" supposedly an attachment from some number, name unavailable. Somehow I have a hunch that it probably is not safe to click on that, and besides, I don't like being told to do something by somebody I don't know. What's the story? Nadia Dear Nadia Just dump it. If you had MailWasher, it would have dumped it for you. That is malware from the "Bad Shit" category, to use kind and diplomatic language. You can even make a filter. If mail is FROM vm@( then delete it, automatically, without even showing it in the list. After that, you will never see that crap again. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Ireland OFFICE MEMO Please note that at this year's company party there will be only one cup of booze per person. Please bring your own cup.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Bread Crumbs Save leftover bread in a bag in your freezer. Bagels, baguettes, biscuits, crackers, rolls, sandwich bread all work well. When the bag gets full or you need some bread crumbs, process the bread into very fine crumbs in your food processor or blender. Then store the leftover crumbs in the freezer. Tip provided by If you want gourmet crumbs (coarser, and from mostly crust) make bread sticks from any left over bread dough, let them dry a few days and then smash them to crumbs in a gallon jar by hitting them with a piece of wood. The difference in taste is well worth the effort! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Drawing mendhi on legs
____________________________________________________ >From Mona: I was teaching my 6-year-old daughter how to unbuckle her seat belt. She asked, "Do I click the square?" I said yes. She asked me, "Single click or double click?" ___________________________________________________
Amazing places on our planet. 2017.
___________________________________________________ >From Belinda Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being over 50, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my grandmother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ At the construction site of a new church, the contractor stopped to chat with one of his workmen. "Patty," he asked casually, "didn't you once tell me that you had a brother who was a bishop?" "That I did." "And you are a bricklayer! It sure is a funny world. Things in life aren't divided equally, are they?" "No, that they ain't," agreed Patty, as he proudly slapped the mortar along the line of bricks. "My poor brother is such a klutz, he couldn't do this to save his life!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 17, in 
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from
New York City. 

1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany. 

1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the
island of St. Helena. 

1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 

1863 Federal batteries and ships cannons bombarded Fort
Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 

1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon. 

1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 

1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. 

1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and
British forces entered Messina. 

1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands. 

1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall. 

1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one
day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to
Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the
company's history. 

1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the
first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France. 

1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977. 

1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job. 

1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with
Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia
Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 

1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight
crew members and a Secret Service employee. The plane was
carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 

1996 Ross Perot was announced to be the Reform Party's
presidential candidate. It was the party's first-ever

1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 

1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the largest
U.S. bank. 

1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 

2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public. 

2017  smiled.

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Making icons, step by step 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 16

Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter
extradited back to Kentucky.
Today, Aug 16 in
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the
British regulars. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason why worry kills more people than work is that more people worry than work. --- Robert Frost (1874 1963) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A mother was preparing pancakes for her 2 sons, the older 5 and the younger 3. The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake. Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson. "If Jesus were sitting here," she said, "he would say 'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'" Kevin turned to his younger brother and said, "Ryan, you be Jesus!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two little girls were sitting in the lunchroom of an elementary school in Beverly Hills. "Guess what," one said. "Mommy's getting married again, so I'll have a new daddy." "Really," said the other girl. "Who's she marrying?" "Winston James, the famous director." "Oh, you'll like him," the other girl exclaimed. "He was my daddy last fall." ______________________________________________________ Pfeiffer Beach, California _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Jude, 35, Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Robber who pepper-sprayed Walmart greeter extradited back to Kentucky. The Mount Sterling, KY, Police Department issued two warrants in connection with a violent shoplifting incident at a Walmart store. After releasing surveillance images of the suspects, police identified them as Michael Jude, 35, and Sandra Yeahquo 36, both of Oklahoma. Police say they were involved in a shoplifting incident at Mt. Sterling Walmart over the weekend. Police say Jude pepper sprayed an 80-year-old employee who confronted him as he left the store with merchandise for which he didn't pay. Authorities captured Judge and Yeahquo in Oklahoma. Jude appeared in an Oklahoma courtroom on Thursday morning. He signed a waiver for extradition; An officer from Mount Sterling will now travel to Oklahoma to bring Jude back to Kentucky in handcuffs to face robbery charges. Pepper spraying an 80 year old is not going to go over easy! As for Yeahquo, court clerks in Oklahoma say she has outstanding charges in Tulsa, that she must face a judge for first. Her extradition hearing will take place next week. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dolores Re: Making Icons Dear Webby, I know you told us in the past how to make icons, but because I didn't need any,I didn't pay attention. Now, to use the trick you told mark today, I do need to know. Can you please tell us again? I do have a graphics program. Dolores Dear Dolores The biggest challenge is to decide, what you want on the icon. You can take any picture you want, but you will see that when you reduce it to icon size, most pitures will be a confusing mess. Usually, unless you have a very high contrast picture like today's or yesterday's picture of the day, it will be easier to just paint something. Create a new image, 64 x 64, and make the background the same as your desktop background. Save it as the name you want to give it, but with a .BMP extension. Yes, BMP, just like we used in the 80's. Microsoft insists that icons be backward compatible all the way back to DOS, just the user interface gets changed all the time to annoy you. Then take a contrasting color and paint a symbol or a number. You can even use the text tool and write a symbol. If you use the WingDingas font, then you get astrological signs, playing cards, and all kinds of neat stuff. Try that first on a bigger picture and write the whole alphabet to see which letter produces the symbol you want. Ok, once you have a recognizable high contrast picture, for example the flying (turned sideways) 69, that is the letter a in Wingding font, save it as for example 69.bmp and close the file. Now use the file explorer or DOS and rename the file to 69.ico. Make sure it is in a place, that you can find easily. Next go to the shortcut that should have that icon. Right-click it, Properties, Change Icon and browse to your new icon. Apply, OK Done. That is all there is to it. Next icon. All you have to remember is: 64 x 64 size, high contrast. Have FUN! DearWebby

A city slicker moves to the country and decides he's going to take up farming. He heads to the local co-op and tells the man, "Give me 100 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. A week later the man returns and says, "Give me 200 baby chickens." The co-op man complies. Again, a week after the man returns. This time he says, "Give me 500 baby chickens." "Wow!" the co-op man replies. "You must really be doing well!" "Naw," said the man with a sigh. "I'm either planting them too deep or too far apart!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Energy When Using Your Oven Any time you open your oven the temperature drops 25 to 30 degrees. If you want to peek at the dish you are baking, use the window on the door and oven light instead. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Elephant plays piano
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for bringing back this steamboat classic: The Romantic Sailor A beautiful young New York woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. But just before she could throw herself from the docks, a handsome young sailor stopped her. "You have so much to live for," said the sailor. "Look, I'm off to Europe tomorrow and I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take care of you, bring you food every day, and keep you happy." With nothing to lose, combined with the fact that she had always wanted to go to Europe, the woman accepted. That night the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he would bring her three sandwiches and make love to her until dawn. Three weeks later she was discovered by the captain during a routine inspection. "What are you doing here?" asked the captain. "I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she replied. "He brings me food and I get a free trip to Europe. Plus he's having me every night." "He certainly is," replied the captain. "This is the Staten Island Ferry." ___________________________________________________
Amazing places on our planet. 2017.
___________________________________________________ >From Paula Dear Webby, can you please bring back that bricklayer's accident report? Paula Sure, Paula. I remember sen ding that around via fax before the Internet, and a few times since then. Here it is: It seems wrong to laugh at someone else's misfortune, but.... This is a bricklayer's accident report, which was printed in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is a true story. Dear Sir I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-storey building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over, which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equally impressive speed. This explains the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collarbone, as listed in Section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of the excruciating pain I was now beginning to experience. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you might imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and severe lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry. Leonard Cromley
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students. "As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?" "Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 16, in 
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's Minutemen routed the
British regulars. 

1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War of

1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in
Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be
exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist. 

1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over
operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first
congressionally authorized local postage delivery. 

1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to
U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently
laid trans-Atlantic cable. 

1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states from
trading with the states of the Confederacy. 

1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-hour
workday for its employees. 

1930 The first British Empire Games were held at Hamilton,
Ontario, Canada. The event is now called the British
Commonwealth Games. 

1937 Harvard University became the first school to have
graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration. 

1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time. It
was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold before
the first issue came off of the presses. 

1960 Cyprus was granted independence by Britain. 

1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph Kittinger.
He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet) before opening
his parachute over New Mexico. 

1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from the
copier market. The fine was $25.6 million. 

1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great

1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime
minister by the lower house of parliament. 

2017  smiled.

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Uncomplicating Explorer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 15

The Perseids meteor shower is not finished yet. 
Even in the thick smoke we have, the falling stars 
are still visible.

Thursday I have to go to Calgary for injections into my
eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday 
and Sunday. Enjoy your vacation!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Mom abandons 10-year-old son with 
special needs in woods
Today, Aug 15 in
1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan 
agreed to surrender unconditionally. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Adventure is just bad planning. --- Roald Amundsen (1872 - 1928) Oh, what a tangled web we weave when first we practice to believe. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that the older generation didn't outgrow. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Anni was taking her time browsing through everything at a friend's yard sale, and said to her, "My husband is going to be very angry when he finds out I stopped at a yard sale." "I'm sure the old boy'll understand when you tell him about all the bargains," her friend replied. "Normally, yes," said Anni. "But he just broke his leg, and he's waiting for me to take him to the hospital to have it set." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ On the outskirts of town, there was huge nut tree by the cemetery fence. One day two boys filled up a bucketful of nuts and sat down by the tree, out of sight, and began dividing the nuts. "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me," said one boy. The bucket was so full, several rolled out toward the fence. Cycling down the road by the cemetery was a third boy. As he passed, he thought he heard voices from inside the cemetery. He slowed down to investigate. Sure enough, he heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me." He knew what it was. "Oh my," he shuddered, "It's Satan and St. Peter dividing the souls at the cemetery." He cycled down the road fast as he could and found an old man with a cane, hobbling along. "Come here quick," said the boy, "You won't believe what I heard. Satan and St. Peter are down at the cemetery dividing the souls." The man said, "Shooo, you brat, can't you see I'm finding it hard to walk as it is." But after several pleas, the man hobbled to the cemetery. Standing by the fence they heard, "One for you, one for me. One for you, one for me..." The old man whispered, "Boy, you've been telling the truth. Let's see if we can see the devil himself." Shivering with fear, they peered through the fence, yet they were still unable to see anything. The old man and the boy gripped the wrought iron bars of the fence tighter and tighter as they tried to get a glimpse of Satan. At last they heard, "One for you, one for me. And one last one for you. That's all. Now let's go get those two nuts by the fence, and we'll be done." They say the old guy made it back to town five minutes before the boy with the bicycle. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Debra Wisler, 39, Millville City, New Jersey Mom abandons 10-year-old son with special needs in woods Debra Wisler, 39, of Millville City A New Jersey woman is accused of abandoning her 10-year-old son, who has special needs, in the woods. Debra Wisler, 39, of Millville City, is charged with endangering the welfare of a child, according to the New Jersey State Police. Troopers said that a passing motorist spotted the boy wandering Aug. 3 in a wooded area near the visitor's center at Joint Base McGuire-Dix-Lakehurst near Trenton. The motorist contacted military personnel at the base, who took the boy in and gave him food, water and treated minor injuries he had suffered. The boy told his rescuers that his mother took him into the woods with his luggage and left him there, troopers said. He said he fell asleep, but woke up hungry. The boy was able to give them his mother's name and phone number. State police investigators and social workers placed the boy in a temporary home while they investigated the case, troopers said. When they talked to Wisler the next day, they determined that she was trying to enroll her son in a child program at the base. CBS New York reported that investigators believe she abandoned him nearby after learning that he was not eligible for the program. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Uncomplicating Explorer Dear Webby, It irks me every time when I open the Windows file Explorer that it starts focused on Desktop, My documents instead of c:\ Is there a way to fix that ? Mark Dear Mark I agree that it's a silly nuisance to have to tippy-toe all the way up to the root first before you can start doing what you plan to do. Fortunately it's easy to fix the stupid rigmarole. Open the file explorer and click on TOOLS, FolderOptions. Select Classic, if you haven't already. Hit OK Go to the address bar on top and type in there C:\ and hit Enter. Drag the little icon to the left of the address bar onto your desktop, preferably near the START button. Touch that new shortcut icon and hit F2 to rename it to C: or something short. Done. Now, when you click that icon, the file explorer will open at the top of the C:\ drive. You can just as easily make shortcuts to your D: drive, your CD, your music folder, your spreadsheet folder, whatever. If you keep those shortcut names short, you can make a compact ribbon of the most used destinations. Making different icons for each is easy enough. Have FUN! DearWebby

A judge was instructing the jury that a witness was not necessarily to be regarded as untruthful because he changed his statement after he gave it to the police. "For example," he said, "when I entered my chambers today, I was positive that I had my gold watch in my pocket. But then I remembered that I left in on my nightstand in my bedroom." When the judge returned home that evening, his wife asked him "Why so much urgency for your watch? Isn't sending three men to pick it up for you a bit extreme?" "What?" said the judge, "I didn't send anyone for my watch, let alone three people. What did you do?" "I gave it to the first one," said the wife, "he knew exactly where it was."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money on Plastic Wrap One way to save money on plastic wrap is to cut a roll in half. Then you have two narrow rolls that work great for small items like brownies and cookies. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Britain's Got Talent surprise
____________________________________________________ "How does Janice like being pregnant?" asked friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" asked. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet . . ." ___________________________________________________
Memoirs of a Playboy Bunny in New York. 2017.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this one: We were sitting in a fine restaurant when my wife looks over at a nearby table and sees a man in a drunken stupor. I said "I notice you've been watching that man for some time now. Do you know him?" "Yes" she replies, "He's my ex-husband, and has been drinking like that since I left him seven years ago." I said, "That's remarkable, I wouldn't think anybody could celebrate that long." She hasn't spoken to me since - did I say something wrong?
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Jake had proposed to young Sarah and was being interviewed by his prospective father-in-law. "Do you think you are earning enough to support a family?" the older man asked the suitor. "Yes, sir," replied Jake, "I'm sure I am." "Think carefully now," said Sarah's father. "There are twelve of us..." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 15, in 
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son of
King Duncan. 

1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett. 

1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph
Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word,
"hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy" when
answering the telephone. 

1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble

1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial
traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the
Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal was
the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon. 

1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were

1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane
crash in near Point Barrow, AK. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." 

1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in both
unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War Department
awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit. 

1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern

1945 The Allies proclaimed V-J Day a day after Japan agreed
to surrender unconditionally. 

1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years. 

1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed. 

1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate
Bridge was performed for the first time. 

1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin

1970 Mrs. Pat Palinkas became the first woman to 'play' in a
pro football game when she held the ball for the Orlando, FL,

1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on wages,
rents and prices. 

1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic sanctions
against South Africa. The ban included the importing of
steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce from South

1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth"
concerning the issue of U.S. servicemen still being held
prisoner in Indochina. 

1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute FBI
officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge siege
in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged cover-up. 

2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in South
Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had not seen
for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South Koreans
visited the North. 

2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar
system outside our own. They had discovered two planets
orbiting a star in the Big Dipper. 

2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola Mobility
for $12.5 billion. 

2017  smiled.

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Make a shortcut to the Music folder 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 14

Get out tonight to watch the Perseids meteor shower!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
DNA from unflushed toilet nailed 
California burglar
Today, Aug 14 in
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming.
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The only reason some people get lost in thought is because it's unfamiliar territory. --- Paul Fix Patriotism is the willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Cohens were shown into the dentist's office, where Mr. Cohen made it clear he was in a big hurry. "No fancy stuff, Doctor," he ordered. "No gas or needles or any of that stuff. Just pull the tooth and get it over with." "I wish more of my patients were as stoic as you," said the dentist admiringly. "Now, which tooth is it?" Mr. Cohen turned to his wife. "Show him your tooth, Sarah!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ During parachute class the instructor took time to anwser any of our silly First Timer Questions. One guy asked: "If our chute doesn't open.....and the reserve doesn't open, how long do we have til we hit the ground?" Our jump master looked at him and in perfect deadpan anwsered: "The whole rest of your life." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew David Jensen, 42, Thousand Oaks, California DNA from unflushed toilet nailed California burglar Police in Thousand Oaks, California, used DNA found in an unflushed toilet to finger a burglary suspect. Andrew David Jensen, 42, was arrested on July 28 on suspicion of committing a burglary last October. Detectives managed to sniff out the suspect after they found some fecal matter in a toilet at the crime scene and had it tested for DNA, according to the Ventura County Star. The sample was sent to the Ventura County Sheriff’s Office Forensic Services Bureau for processing before being submitted to the Combined DNA Information System to see if there was a match with a known suspect. Police got a DNA match on July 25 for Jensen, who they tracked down to his home in nearby Ventura. He was arrested three days later on suspicion of first-degree residential burglary, a felony, according to the Associated Press. His bail was set at $180,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Shortcut to music folder Dear Webby, Is there a way to create a short cut and thus a desk top icon to a music file folder that does not give that option when I right click on it? Getting to my music files is a small nuisance going through explorer & down several more clicks. Thank you!! Bonnie Dear Bonnie Just browse to that folder with the file explorer, drag the icon from the left side of the address bar in file Explorer to an open spot on your desktop. Highlight that icon Hit F2 and rename it to something shorter Right-click the icon and change the icon to something else. Hit APPLY, and OK. Done. Have FUN! DearWebby

In Ireland there is a mental institution that every year picks two of it's most reformed patients and questions them. If they get the questions right they are free to leave. This year the two lucky patients were Patty and Mike. They were called down to the office and left there by the orderly. They were told to wait as the doctor got their files. The doctor came out and motioned for Patty to come in for her questioning. When Patty came into the office she was instructed to sit in the seat across from the doctor. "Patty, you know the tradition of this institution so I imagine you know why you are here. You will be asked two questions, and if you get them right, you will be free to go. Do you understand all that you have been told?" said the doctor with a rather sly grin. Patty nodded, and the doctor began to question her. The first question was this. "Patty, if I was to poke out one of your eyes, what would happen?" "I would be half blind of course," Patty answered without much thought. "What would happen if I poked out the other eye?" "I would be completely blind," said Patty knowing that she had just gotten her freedom. The doctor then sent her outside while he drew up the paperwork and accessed Mike's files. When Patty got into the waiting room however, she told Mike what the questions would be and what the correct answers were. The doctor calls in Mike and he followed the same procedure that he had with Patty. "Mike, the first question is what would happen if I cut off your ear?" "I would be blind in one eye," he said remembering what he had been told. This received a perplexed look from the doctor but he just simply asks the other question so that he could figure out what the man was thinking. "Mike, what would happen if I cut off your other ear?" "I would be completely blind," he answered with a smile as if he knew he had passed. But then the doctor asked him what his reasoning was, and he said flatly, "Me hat would fall down over me eyes."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Save Those Bread Bags! By marie cecchini [204 Posts, 2 Comments] Never toss those bags when you've finished a loaf of bread. They are great for storing home baked goods either to freeze or store in your cupboard - saves on using and washing your plastic containers - less time spent and water used. By Marie from West Dundee, IL ____________________________________________________
Keep the flour away from toddlers
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Connie for this story: An old man is talking long-distance to California when all of a sudden he gets cut off. He hollers, "Operator, give me back the party!" She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to make the call all over again." He says, "What do you want from my life? Give me back da party." She says, "I'm sorry sir, you'll have to place the call again." He says, "Operator, ya know what? Take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where!" And he hangs up. Two days later he opens the door and there are two big, strapping guys standing there who say, "We came to take your telephone out." He says, "Why?" They say, "Because you insulted Operator 28 two days ago. But if you'd like to call up and apologize, we'll leave the telephone here." He says, "Wait a minute, what's da rush, what's da hurry?" He goes to the telephone and dials. "Hello? Get me Operator 28. Hello, Operator 28? Remember me? Two days ago I insulted you? I told you to take da telephone and shove it in you-know-where?" She says, "Yes?" He says, "Well, get ready -- they're bringin' it to ya!" ___________________________________________________
Winners of the National Geographic travel photographer of the year contest 2017.
___________________________________________________ Late one night at the insane asylum one inmate shouted, "I am Napoleon!" Another one said, "How do you know?" The first inmate said, "God told me!" Just then, a voice from another room shouted, "I did NOT!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Gramma Jones tripped on the stairs and broke her leg. The doctor put a cast on it and warned that she wasn't to use the stairs until the cast came off. Four months later he removed the cast and pronounced her well on the way to recovery. "Oh good," she responded. "Is it all right for me to walk the stairs now?" "Yes," said the doctor, "if you will promise to be careful." "I can't tell you what a relief it will be," she sighed. "It was such a nuisance crawling outside and shinnying up and down that drainpipe to my fifth floor apartment all the time!" ____________________________________________________

Today, August 14, in 
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne,
Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 

1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on
board the USS Constitution. 

1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed
after 632 years of rebuilding. 

1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B.

1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within
the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to
look for gold. 

1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations,
lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer
Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 

1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World
War I. 

1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident. It was not blamed on CO2 and Global Warming.

1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social
Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance
and pension plans for the elderly. 

1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic
Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 

1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct
the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was
the new home of the U.S. War Department. 

1941 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister
Winston Churchill issued the Atlantic Charter. The charter
was a statement of principles that renounced aggression. 

1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of
certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 

1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had
surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War

1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 

1953 The wiffle ball was invented. 

1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The
robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 

1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene
in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman

1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the
official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 

1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was

1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement
agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican

1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to
Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass
deaths due to starvation. 

1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the
history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military
college. She quit the school less than a week later. 

2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and
restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that
killed 110 people in 1996. 

2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier. 

2017  smiled.

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He got hijacked 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 13

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for trying to strangle woman 
in Kentucky cemetery
Today, Aug 13 in
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ This is the challenge of writing. You have to be very emotionally engaged in what you’re doing, or it comes out flat. You can’t fake your way through this. --- Gordon Atkinson "...that whoever is not a liberal when young has no heart, whoever is not a conservative when middle-aged has no head, and whoever is still either a liberal or a conservative at age seventy-eight has no sense of humor." --- Herbert Stein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Man: "My wife has the worst memory I ever heard of." Friend: "Forgets everything, eh?" Man: "No, remembers everything." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Rhonda for this story: Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived without her head covering. The priest informs her she cannot enter without it. A few moments later, the lady reappears, wearing her blouse tied to her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." "But Father, I have a divine right," she informs. "Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must wear a blouse to enter this church." ______________________________________________________ Night over West Quoddy, Lubec, Maine West Quoddy Head Light sits on the easternmost point of the contiguous United States. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brice Gross, 19, Georgetown, Kentucky Man arrested for trying to strangle woman in Kentucky cemetery Georgetown Police arrested a man they say tried to strangle a woman in a cemetery, with the intent to kill her. Police say Brice Gross, 19, snuck up behind a woman on Saturday evening in the Georgetown Cemetery. Police say he attacked the woman and began to try to strangle her. The woman was able to fight him off, and Gross ran away, police said. Officers located Gross shortly after and arrested him. According to his arrest citation, Gross told police that he was going to strangle the woman until she was unconscious, then put her body in her own vehicle. He then told police he was going to place a rock on the car’s gas pedal and send it into a body of water. In an interview from jail, Gross told WKYT's Garrett Wymer that he was at the cemetery visiting his uncle's grave, when he blacked out and went into another personality. "I vaguely remember getting her to the ground and then running," Gross said. "That's just about it. I don't remember anything else." Gross said he has several hundred personalities that he deals with - though he says nothing violent like this has happened before. He said he thinks visiting his uncle's grave brought to the surface a lot of emotions that he says likely triggered the personality change on Saturday. He says he knows he needs medical help. Gross is now charged with attempted murder and kidnapping. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Hijacked Dear Webby, It looks like I've been high jacked by Whenever I open a new tab in Firefox, the address automatically goes to I checked on the internet and evidently this is not a virus, but it will redirect your browser to sites of their choice that may be malicious. The only repair that I could find were pay programs. I am sure you will have a better solution, as always. Thanks in advance. Bill Dear Bill That is just a Browser Hijacker. is a browser hijacker that is bundled with other free software that you download off of the Internet. When installed this browser hijacker it will set the homepage and search engine for your web browser to Malwarebytes will get rid of it. Pretty well all valid info I could find, mention MalwareBytes in the first or second step. When done, reset your home page and search engine. The cleaners just get rid of, they don`t know what you had in there before that hijacker deleted it. Btw., what did you download that had that hijacker as payload? Have FUN! DearWebby

>From Irene: During a visit to a military medical clinic, I was sent to the lab to have blood drawn. The technician there was friendly and mentioned that his mood improved every day because he was due to leave the service in two months. As he applied the tourniquet on my arm, he told me that taking the blood wouldn't hurt much. Then, noticing my Air Force T-shirt he asked me what my husband did. When I replied that he was a recruiter, the technician smiled slyly and said, "This might hurt a little more than I thought."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Refrigerator Pops Recipes By Darlene [52 Posts, 14 Comments] With summer almost here, I found some really good but healthy refrigerator pops for the kids. It took a while to dig them out but I did and thought I would share them with you! I hope your kids enjoy them. In fact, they really are good for adults as we have to watch those calories that are not there one day but somehow those shorts you just wore refuse to fit. So here goes, they are considered to be healthy snacking which is hard in the summer to find with all the wonderful looking desserts and fancy ice cream cones. It is hard to find good snacks but here are some. Good Luck and enjoy! Strawberry-Banana Cream Pops Ingredients: 2 (8 oz.) cartons of strawberry yogurt 1 cup sliced fresh strawberries 1 ripe banana 1 Tbsp. honey 8 (3 oz.) cold drink cups 8 wooden sticks Directions: In your blender or food processor bowl with metal blade, combine yogurt, strawberries, banana and honey; blend till smooth. Fill each cup with about 1/3 cup yogurt mixture. Place cups in freezer until partially frozen, (about 1 hour). Insert sticks, freeze until firm (about 2 hours). Remove drink cups and serve. MMMM, now I want one! I am not trying to be funny but I am thinking summer and having one of these! Pineapple Orange Pops Ingredients: 8 oz. carton plain yogurt 8 oz. can crushed pineapple, undrained 6 oz. can frozen pineapple-orange juice concentrate, thawed 8 (3 oz.) cold drink cups 8 wooden sticks Directions: In blender or food processor in bowl with metal blade, combine yogurt, pineapple and pineapple-orange juice concentrate, blend until smooth. Fill each cup with about 1/3 cup pineapple mixture. Place cups in freezer until partially frozen, (about 1 hr). Insert sticks then freeze till firm, about 2 hours. Remove cups and serve. Icy Watermelon Pops Cut watermelon into slices about 1 1/4 inches thick. Cut each slice into pie shaped wedges of desired size. Using a sharp knife, pierce rind, insert wooden stick. Place on waxed paper lined pan or tray, freeze till firm. Wrap individually in foil or plastic wrap. Store in freezer. ____________________________________________________
Weird things caught on camera
____________________________________________________ That reminds me of this one: After a day of grueling maneuvers in the muddy swamp under the blazing Texas sun, the platoon stood in front of the barracks, exhausted, muddy from top to bottom, sweaty and smelly. "All right, ladies, think about this," bellowed the drill instructor. "If you could have ten minutes alone, right now, with anyone in the world, who would it be?" Amid much mumbling, one voice was heard from the back row. "My recruiter." ___________________________________________________
I don't know if this artist saw this unique woodworking in visions or bad dreams.
___________________________________________________ Gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. He quickly phoned his best friend Finney. "Did you see the paper?" asked Gallagher, "They say I died!!!" "Yes, I saw it!" replied Finney. "Where are ye callin' from???"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Dianne I asked the Lord to tell me Why my house is such a mess. He asked if I'd been 'putering', And I had to answer "yes." He told me to get off my butt And tidy up the house. And so I started cleaning up... The smudges off my mouse. I wiped and shined the topside. That really did the trick... I was just admiring my work... I didn't mean to 'click.' But click, I did, and oops I found A real absorbing site That I got SO way into... I was into it all night.<> Nothing's changed except my mouse It's very, very shiny. I guess my house will stay a mess... While I sit here on my hiney. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 13, in 
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians. 

1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of the
Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English and
Austrian forces. 

1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal
family and imprisoned them. 

1867 "Under the Gaslight", by Augustin Daly, opened in New
York City, NY. 

1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii was

1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to
William Gray. 

1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to St.
Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA. 

1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was dedicated
in Elk City, OK. 

1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-chancellor
of Germany. He said he was going to hold out "for all or

1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in

1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a plastic-
bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a steel
car. The media did not like it and very few were sold.

1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge. 

1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-way
telephone conversation by satellite to take place. 

1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the
flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall

1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold
Schwarzenagger was announced. 

1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, and
other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad. 

1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the
risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.

2017  smiled.

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Alarm about 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 12

Thank you, Svend!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor
Today, Aug 12 in
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the 
double-headed sewing machine. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Dump him on the front porch and we'll drag him in in the morning..." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Wife: "I was a fool when I married you." Husband: "I guess you were, but I was so in love at the time I didn't notice for two years." ______________________________________________________ Protector and bodyguard in the wagon _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Clayton P. Carter, 51, Wesst Goshen, Pennsylvania Anti-Trump fanatic” murders his Republican neighbor The victim G. Brooks Jennings was murdered while his wife watched Clayton stand over her husband and shoot him in the head. Police have charged Clayton Carter, 51, in the shooting death of G. Brooks Jennings. Shortly before 8 p.m. Monday, police responded to the 300 block of Box Elder Drive for a dispute between Carter and Jennings about Carter cursing and noisy video recording in the back yard. Police said they were able to resolve that dispute. Then at approximately 1 a.m. Tuesday, police say the neighbors got into another dispute. Carter told police that Jennings shined a light into his eyes while he was outside. Carter then allegedly pulled a car onto his lawn, shining the high beams of the car on Jennings’ property. Carter then allegedly retrieved a .380 semi-automatic handgun from his house and confronted the victim again outside. Officials say Carter shot Jennings once in the head, knocking him to the ground. Carter then allegedly stood over Jennings’ body and shot him once more in the head. The victim was on his own property, police said. Jennings’ wife allegedly heard the first gunshot, then saw Carter stand over her husband as he fired the second shot. Police recovered two shell casings, the gun and a knife at the scene. One shell casing was located on Carter’s property. The second shell casing was found on the victim’s property, near Jennings’ body. Carter has been charged with murder and related offenses, and is currently being held at the Chester County Prison. Neighbor Brian Dougherty got emotional when speaking of Jennings. “You don’t want to sound cliche, you see this on TV all the time, but he is probably the nicest, best guy I’ve ever met in my whole life. Really, seriously,” Dougherty said. Police say Carter had disputes with a number of other neighbors, and even pulled a gun on Jennings during a past altercation. Neighbors say Carter was a quarrelsome, argumentative man. Court records claim Carter had a history of disputes with many neighbors. His front yard was crowded with cars and hand lettered anti-Trump signs. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Noella Re: Alarm about Dear Webby, I am getting an alarm about every now and then. Malwarebytes is catching it, but what is it? Noella Dear Noella That is just your W10 phoning the emperor (Microsoft) to fink on what you are wearing and what you are doing with W10. Don't worry about it. Microsoft doesn't care about what you are wearing or about you at all, otherwise we would still have a comfortable XP style user interface. Quite the opposite. They just care about how THEIR W10 is working. That is the data they ordered it to send to their metrix servers. Since you don't own your W10 installation, but are just kindly allowed to use it after paying for it, there is nothing you can do about that. Malwarebytes did an update this evening and is now no longer reporting that your computer is sending data to Microsoft's Metrix servers. They were apparently assured that the data is just metrics about W10 and does not include your bra number, just the cup letters. Just kidding. They are not interested in you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Husband shopping A Walmart store that sells husbands has just opened in town where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building. So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The second floor sign reads: Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Wow" so she goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men have jobs, loves kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework. "Oh, mercy me! So she goes to the fifth floor and sign reads: Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. She is so tempted she goes to the sixth floor and sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Wal Mart's Husband Store -
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Scale To Determine Postage By Chuck [22 Posts, 183 Comments] At times I wasn't certain if outgoing mail needed more than a 1 oz. first class stamp, so I'd have to drive to a post office. I decided to build my own scale and it works. A simple balance-beam scale is easy to build. Comparative mass for a one ounce weight (28.3 grams) is almost exactly the same as five modern US quarters (28.35 grams). In my picture I included five quarters in the packages at each end of the scale. It seems the loaded envelope plus stamp is a tiny bit heavier, so I need to add postage. All I needed was an inexpensive laundry hanger section, a few paper clips, and a tool or two, and I was set. By Chuck1 For rare and occasional weighing once or twice a year that sure beats paying $8 plus shipping for a digital kitchen scale from Amazon! ____________________________________________________
Larry the parrot dials an imaginary phone and has conversation.
____________________________________________________ Dispatcher: 9-1-1 Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn.. I think I'm going to pass out. Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from? Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn...... Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic? Caller: No. Dispatcher: What were you doing before you started having trouble breathing? Caller: Running from the cops. ___________________________________________________
Handprint art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Ross for this: You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if..... The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... People ask when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... When the pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Five guys and two women stand up. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... A member of the church requests to be buried in his 4-wheel-drive truck because "It ain't never been in a hole it couldn't get out of." ) You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Baptism is referred to as "branding". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. You Know Your Church! Is A Redneck Church if... People think "rapture" is what you get when you lift something too heavy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The baptismal pool is a #2 galvanized washtub. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Barbecue. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Instead of a bell, you are called to service by a semi air horn. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if.... The minister and his wife drive matching pickup trucks. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The communion wine is Boone's Farm "Tickled Pink". You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... Every pick-up truck in the church parking lot has at least 1/8 of a ton of junk, ahem, "potential resources" in the back. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... "Thou shalt not covet" applies to hunting dogs, too. You Know Your Church Is A Redneck Church if... The final words of the benediction are, "Ya'll come back now!! Ya hear!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Dear Webby I recently purchased Mailwasher, and it's been a godsend! Thank you for posting the link! Dawn ____________________________________________________

Today, August 12, in 
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of
Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and
the Europeans lasted for two years. 

1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine. 

1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery
by Joseph Lister. 

1867 U.S. President Andrew Johnson sparked a move to impeach
him when he defied Congress by suspending Secretary of War
Edwin M. Stanton. 

1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first
sound recording. 

1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed. 

1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was first

1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City. 

1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August

1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen

1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S.
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications

1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before,
both landed on August 15. 

1964 Mickey Mantle set a major league baseball record when he
hit home runs from both the left and ride sides of the plate
in the same game. 

1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test. 

1981 IBM unveiled its first PC. 

1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in an
effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to have
been responsible for the Challenger disaster. 

1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened. 

1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981. 

1994 Major league baseball players went on strike rather than
allow team owners to limit their salaries. The strike lasted
for 232 days. As a result, the World Series was wiped out for
the first time in 90 years. 

1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims. 

1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target
that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 

2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-man
crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea. 

2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San Francisco
earlier in the year. 

2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia. 

2017  smiled.

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Quiet emergency power 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 11
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man kills AAA contract worker 
over response time
Today, Aug 11 in
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen. --- Albert Einstein "If we listened to our intellect, we'd never have a love affair. We'd never have a friendship. We'd never go into business, because we'd be cynical. Well, that's nonsense. You've got to jump off cliffs all the time and build your wings on the way down." --- Ray Bradbury All animals are equal but some animals are more equal than others. --- George Orwell (1903 - 1950) in Animal Farm Animal Farm was the first English book I read. That was in 63 or 64. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At a clearance sale, the wife of a federal district court judge found a green tie that was a perfect match for one of her husband's sports jackets. Soon after, while the couple was vacationing at a resort complex to get his mind off a rather complicated cocaine conspiracy case, he noticed a small, round disc sewn into the design of the tie. The judge showed it to a local FBI agent, who was equally suspicious that it might be a 'bug' planted by the conspiracy defendants. The agent sent the device to FBI headquarters In Washington, DC for analysis. Two weeks later, the judge phoned the Washington office to learn the results of their tests. "We're not sure where the disc came from," the FBI told him, "but we discovered that when you press it, it plays 'Jingle Bells.'" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but you've heard of widowers marrying again, haven't you?" ______________________________________________________ Long Eared Owl by Matteusz Piesiak _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jesus Esquivel, 63, Miami, Florida Florida man kills AAA contract worker over response time A man in Miami faces second-degree murder charges after police said he fatally shot a AAA contract worker over the amount of time he waited to get assistance. Jesus Esquivel, 63, initially threatened a 24-hour roadside AAA technician when he called him to fix a car battery at his home, WPLG reports. The technician then requested AAA dispatch to remove him from Esquivel’s service call, and an employee of a company contracted by AAA came to assist him instead. Once the employee arrived, police said Esquivel confronted him and shot him multiple times. Police said the victim died at the scene, according to WPLG. Police took Esquivel to Miami-Dade County Jail Wednesday after he confessed to fatally shooting the employee. Looks like he has his retirement home picked out. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helga Re: Quiet emergency power Dear Webby, I know you used to live in the arctic, and you were in the last hurricane, but you never missed a single Humor Letter. Obviously you must be a wizz with emergency power. OK, now that I have flattered you up, what free advice do I get about emergency power in an apartment where It would be frowned upon, if I ran a noisy generator in the hallway? I just need the power for the laptop and a few lights. The rest I can fake for a few days. Thanks Helga Dear Helga Just get a few car or truck batteries, an automotive battery charger, and a Stat-Power 12 Volt DC to 120 Volt AC inverter, like the ones you plug into a car cigarette lighter to convert the car's 12 Volt into regular household type electricity. If you keep the batteries charged beforehand, they will power a laptop and a few folded tube fluorescents for a week or more, even more if you get LED lights at the Dollar Tree. Keep in mind, they usually have the tiny end like a sewing machine light, and you may have to get an adapter from Home Depot or an electrical supply business. Printers are not easy on power. Try to avoid printing until the power returns. If you expect the power outage to last longer, you can get one of those cute little Yamaha briefcase style Inverter class generators or something like that. They are very quiet and, if you hang them outside a window, make less noise than a sewing machine. They have a 12 Volt outlet for battery charging built in. Don't hang it outside a window on the ground floor. It would walk away in a hurry! Have FUN! DearWebby

One day God and Adam were walking the garden. God told Adam that it was time to populate the Earth. "Adam, you can start by kissing Eve." "Lord, what is a kiss?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and kissed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord! That was great! What's next?" "Adam, I now want you to caress Eve." "Lord, what is caress?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush and caressed her. A little while later, Adam returned with a big smile and said, "Lord that was even better than a kiss! What's next?" "Here is what gets the deed done. I now want you to make love to Eve." "Lord, what is make love?" asked Adam. God explained, and then Adam took Eve behind the bush. A few seconds later, Adam returned and asked, "Lord, what is a headache?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Get More Juice Out Of Your Lemon By Cajun [58 Posts, 327 Comments] Place lemon(s) in microwave for about 10-20 seconds (based on your microwave) until the lemon is very warm to the touch (almost hot). Wait until you feel comfortable handling the lemon, then cut and squeeze. You should be able to get at least 30-40% more juice than normal. ____________________________________________________
tractor square dance
____________________________________________________ >From Chris in Oz It was dead winter and colder than hell, when Billy noticed his outdoor toilet was full. Now that was a problem he didn't know how to handle, so Billy searched out Clem for advice. Clem told Billy that the thought they could use dynamite to clean out the hole. He just happened to have a few sticks left from a job he done the past summer. The next day Clem went over to Billy's house and they both looked down the hole. Clem said, "Yep, its full. I think this one will take two sticks!" So he and Billy got busy, put the dynamite in the hole and put a long fuse to it. They were standing behind the wood pile nearby when Billy's wife Sally came running out of the house and headed straight for the toilet. Billy and Clem both yelled and hollered for Sally to stop, but she kept going and said, "I don't have time to stop and talk, I gotta take care of business." WELL lo and behold, Sally no more than got seated and the whole toilet blew up. Boards and shit flew all over. Sally picked herself off the ground, looked at Billy and Clem and said, "WHEW, I am sure glad that I didn't let that one go in the house!" --------------------- Believe it or not, but that method is actually quite popular in the arctic. However, there outhouses are built on skids, and for blowing over the frozen pyramid down below, the outhouse is hitched up to the sled dogs and towed 20 feet upwind. Done that many times when I was living in the Yukon. ___________________________________________________
What a strange and wonderful mind this man has.
___________________________________________________ A young man asked an old rich man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said, "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 pm for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars. That was quite a lot of money in those days!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ There once was a king who offered a prize to the artist who would paint the best picture of peace. Many artists tried. The King looked at all the pictures, but there were only two he really liked and he had to choose between them. One picture was of a calm lake. The lake was a perfect mirror for peaceful towering mountains were all around it. Overhead was a blue sky with fluffy white clouds. All who saw this picture thought that it was a perfect picture of peace. The other picture had mountains too. But these were rugged and bare. Above was an angry sky from which rain fell, in which lightening played. Down the side of the mountain tumbled a foaming waterfall. This did not look peaceful at all. But when the King looked, he saw behind the waterfall a tiny bush growing in a crack in the rock. In the bush a mother bird had built her nest. There, in the midst of the rush of angry water, sat the mother bird on her nest ... perfect peace. Which picture do you think won the prize? The King chose the second picture. Do you know why? "Because," explained the King, "peace does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. Peace means to be in the midst of all those things and still be calm in your heart. That is the real meaning of peace." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 11, in 
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV. 

1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S.

1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, an
American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos. 

1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric light
bulb socket with a pull-chain. 

1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever use
the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras, NC. 

1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time. 

1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston

1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced
"the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany
wins the war." 

1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender. 

1951 The first major league baseball game to be televised in
color was broadcast. The Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the Boston
Braves 8-1. 

1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A
formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist

1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched on
a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into space. 

1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test. 

1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and
South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Counsel had
already refused to consider South Korea's application. 

1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just signed
legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin
bombing in five minutes." 

1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack. 

1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey by
landing safely. 

1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was
the largest shopping mall in the United States. 

1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the
1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill. 

1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.

1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-
item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in
spending and tax bills. 

1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies with
the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest foreign
takeover of a U.S. company. 

2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy. 

2002 Jason Priestly crashed his car during practice for a
race in the Infiniti Pro Series. He suffered a spinal
fracture, a moderate concussion, a broken nose, facial
lacerations and broken bones in both feet. 

2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah. 

2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, August 10

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
$1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man’s 
drug arrest
Today, Aug 10 in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during 
the French Revolution. He was executed the following January
after being put on trial for treason. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politics is the skilled use of blunt objects. --- Lester B. Pearson (1897 - 1972) It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --- Aristotle (384 BC - 322 BC) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man came into a shop with a 'Salesman Wanted' sign in a window. He went up to the owner and said, "I-I-I w-w-waannn-t the j-joooob-b." "I don't know if this job would suit you because of your speaking impediment," said the owner. "I h-h-havvve a w-wi-wiiiife and s-s-s-six k-kkkids, iiii-I re-really neeeed thi-thi-this j-j-job!" said the man. "O.K. Here are three Bibles. Go out and sell them." said the owner. So the man went out and came back an hour later. "H-here-sss your m-m-money." said the man. The owner was impressed, so he gave the man a dozen more Bibles and sent him out. The man came back in two hours and said, "Her-ers y-yooour m-m-money." The owner said, "This is fantastic. You sold more Bibles in three hours than anyone has sold in a week. Tell me, what do you say to the people when they come to the door?" "W-welllll," said the man, "I r-r-ring the d-door bell, a-a-and s-s-say 'H-Hel-Hello, M-m-maaaaddam, d-d-do you w-w-want t-t t-to buy thi-thi-this B-B-Bible, oooor d-d-do y-you w-w-want m'me t-toooo read it t-t-t-t-to you?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Last night, my girlfriends and I went to a Ladies Night Club. One of the girls wanted to impress the rest of us, so she pulled out a $10 bill. When the male dancer came over to us, my friend licked the $10 bill and stuck it to his butt cheek! Not to be outdone, another friend pulls out a $20 bill. She called the guy back, licks the $20 bill, and sticks it to his other butt cheek. In another attempt to impress the rest of us, my third friend pulls out a $50 bill and calls the guy over, and licks the $50 bill. I'm worried about the way things are going, but fortunately, she just stuck it to one of his butt cheeks again. My relief was short-lived. Seeing the way things are going, the guy races over to me! Now everyone's attention is focused on me, and the guy is egging me on to try to top the $50. My brain was churning as I reached for my wallet. What could I do? The woman in me took over! I got out my ATM card, swiped it down his butt, grabbed the eighty bucks, and left!!!! ----------------------- OK, that's it. I will NOT dance in Florida! ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Dennis Strickland 33, Sioux City, Iowa $1M bill deposit attempt leads to Iowa man’s drug arrest Authorities say a man who tried to deposit what he presented as a $1 million bill has been charged with drug possession in Iowa. A criminal complaint says Sioux City police officers were called to a Northwest Bank branch Thursday to talk to a man who tried to deposit the bill into his account. The officers asked 33-year-old Dennis Strickland whether he had any more of the bills and that a baggie fell out when he emptied a pocket. The complaint says the baggie contained methamphetamine. The U.S. Treasury Department says it has never produced a $1 million bill. There was no mention yet about a counterfeiting charge. That used to be severely frowned upon. Iowa court records say Strickland is scheduled to be back in court Monday. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dick Re: Resizer Program Dear Webby, I noticed that someone wanted to resize a picture. I use Free Picture Resizer.exe. It's easy to use. The upload may want to add other programs, like Picmos Tools, but this is a useful/harmless program. Dick Dear Dick There are tons of resizer programs, but sooner or later she does need some kind of graphics program. For example, if she wants to cut off a few inches of empty sky or lawn, a resizer won`t help. Or for adding smart-ass captions, or for lightening, darkening, sharpening, etc. Even the simplest free graphics programs do that. Nowadays even MS-PAINT, long derided as an impotent piece of loon shit, can do that, and it is still included free with Windows. Unless you do graphics for 64 foot freeway billboards, you don`t need GIMP. However, even GIMP is still free. All you need is a basic and simple graphics program. Have FUN! DearWebby And From: Doug Re: PixResizer Dear Webby, For resizing pictures, PixResizer is absolutely the best I've found. You can resize one picture or groups of pictures with the click of the mouse. It's simple and easy. It's quick. And it's FREE!! Check it out at: I think you may just take a liking to it as I did. I used to use PaintShop or ThumbsPlus but no more. My resizing is all PixResizer. Especially since getting my new digital camera which take 5+ megapixex photos, I use it all the time because I wouldn't think of putting a picture of that size on a web page! I may link to the full sized photo. Thanks for you wisdom and humor each day. Doug

Robert and Peter had applied for jobs at a large company and had to take an intelligence test. Though both of them found the test a breeze, except that they admitted to being momentarily stumped by the final question: "Name a 14 letter word for someone in charge of a plant." "How did you answer that last one?" asked Robert. "I thought it was tough at first.... then I thought of Superintendent." "I think I got it right too," Pete said. "But I wrote down Horticulturist."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Pull Lettuce Apart Instead of cutting lettuce with a knife, tear it with your fingers. It will help prevent the edges from browning. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Hallelujah Chorus from Quinhagak, Alaska
____________________________________________________ A general noticed one of his soldiers behaving oddly. The soldier would pick up any piece of paper he found, frown and say, "That's not it" and put it down again. This went on for some time, until the general arranged to have the soldier psychologically tested. The psychologist concluded that the soldier was deranged, and wrote out his discharge from the army. The soldier picked it up, smiled and said, "That's it." ___________________________________________________
What a strange and wonderful mind this man has.
___________________________________________________ Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool, Jim suddenly jumped into the deep end. He sunk to the bottom & stayed there. Mary promptly jumped in to save him. She swam to the bottom and pulled Jim out. When the medical director became aware of Mary's heroic act he immediately ordered her to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered her to be mentally stable. When he went to tell Mary the news he said, "Mary, I have good news & bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses. The bad news is, Jim, the patient you saved, hung himself with his bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but he's dead." Mary replied "He didn't hang himself, I put him there to dry."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A South American scientist from Argentina, after a lengthy study, has discovered that people with insufficient sexual activity read their e-mail with their hand on the mouse. Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 10, in 
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during the
French Revolution. He was executed the following January
after being put on trial for treason. 

1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain. 

1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by $500,000
given by scientist Joseph Smithson. 

1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were appointed.

1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B. Brown.

1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical

1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft. 

1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia. 

1921 Franklin D. Roosevelt was stricken with polio. 

1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later. 

1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam. 

1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan
announced they would surrender. The only condition was that
the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged. 

1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours and
5 minutes. 

1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The original
title was "Candid Microphone." 

1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway. 

1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by
the U.S. government during World War II. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity
when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the
time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula Corbin

1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had
joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue. 

1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter jet
shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people were

2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri
Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles
above the earth in the international space station. It was
the first-ever marriage from space. 

2017  smiled.

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Resizing picture on a page 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, August 9

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Airline passenger helps nab child molesters 
after seeing texts on their phone
Today, Aug 9 in
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its 
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.' --- Sam Levenson (1911 - 1980) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ On a recent flight I sat next to a lady who was on her way to meet a guy she had met over the net. She sat there during most of the flight messing with her make-up. She put on eyebrow pencil, eye shadow, eyeliner, eyelashes, foundation, mascara, toner, blush and stuff that I have no clue what it is called. Then she turned to me and said, "Does this look natural?" Well, the truth was that soap and water would have made her look a lot better than all that make-up. So I told her: "If your friend starts looking closely at your war paint, take that as a sign that you have your blouse buttoned up too high." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A husband and wife attend a small service at the local church one Sunday morning. The man was very moved by the preacher's sermon, so he stopped to shake the preacher's hand. "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever did hear!" The Reverend replied, "Oh! Why, thank you sir, but please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity in the Lord's house." "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help myself... it was such a damn good sermon!" The Reverend replied, "Sir, please, I cannot have you behaving this way in Church!" "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to know that I thought it was so damn good, that I put $5,000 in the collection plate." The Reverend's eyes opened wide as he remarked, "Holy Shit!!!! Five Thousand!!! Hot Digity Damn! That will fix the church roof!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Kellar, 56, Gail Burnworth, 50, Tacoma, Washington Airline passenger helps nab child molesters after seeing texts on their phone An eagle-eyed airline passenger is being credited with putting two suspected child molesters behind bars. Police say a man was texting about “sexually molesting young children” aboard a Southwest Airlines flight from Seattle, Washington, to San Jose, California, on Monday, when a woman seated behind him observed his illicit messages and reported it to the crew. The man, identified as 56-year-old Michael Keller, was using a large smartphone with an enlarged font. It allowed the woman to take photos of the text, Seattle police said in a release. “The content of the text messages was very disturbing to the witness as it involved comments about the sexual exploitation of children,” police said. The passenger’s photo revealed that Burnworth told Kellar that she would have the children to herself on Sunday and that she would drug them with Benadryl, then record herself molesting them while they slept, the complaint stated. She also agreed to film Kellar raping the victims while they slept, the complaint stated. The woman, who Mercury News reported is a Seattle-based preschool teacher, alerted the plane’s crew, which then contacted police working inside Mineta San Jose International Airport. Officers detained Keller. The suspected recipient of his messages, identified by police as Gail Burnworth, 50, was then tracked down to her home in Tacoma, Washington, where she was arrested. Two children located at her residence, ages 5 and 7, are believed to have been victimized, police said. Keller was booked on two counts of felony attempted child molestation and two counts of solicitation of sex crime, which is also a felony, according to a release by San Jose police. Burnworth was booked for sexual exploitation of a minor, a felony, first-degree rape of a child, also a felony, and dealing in depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit condition, also a felony. The woman who reported the text message to the flight crew is meanwhile being hailed a hero. Since it was not police, but a random passenger, who spotted the evidence, the evidence should stand up in court. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Resizing picture on a page Dear Webby, i just wanted to say think you again for all your tips. I kno Dianne died but I was looking thru my old Humor Letters and came across one of her links to: Hymalaian People pix that is an aussome site. is there a way to reset the size to the pictures? i have to use 800+600 and i don't know how to change it. Kitty Dear Kitty The pictures on that site are indeed awesome, but they don't auto-resize. Just click through to get the big picture, then save that picture, and then re-size it with PSP, or whatever your favorite graphics program is, to whatever size fits your screen or printer. Have FUN! DearWebby

During a phone conversation, my niece mentioned that she was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "oh, no!" she replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Homemade Cat Repellent By Rob [1 Post, 52 Comments] My friend had a big problem with cats peeing and pooing in his garden. His solution? He got a spray bottle and mixed water, Tabasco sauce, and pee. Yes, he used his own pee, not a lot. The mix was mostly water, so people could not smell it, even in hot summer. He hardly saw a cat, or cat mess in his garden after that. ____________________________________________________
Crazy lady flips out at Barnes & Noble (Do you "get"it?)
____________________________________________________ My job as a land surveyor took me to a golf course that was expanding to 18 holes. Using a machete to clear thick brush in an area I was mapping, I came upon a golf club that an irate player must have tossed away. It was in good condition, so I picked it up and continued on. When I broke out of the brush onto a putting green, two golfers stared at me in awe. I had a machete in one hand, a golf club in the other, and behind me was a clear-cut swath over 100 yards long. "There," said one of the golfers, "is a guy who hates to lose his ball!" ___________________________________________________
Extraordinary artistic carving
___________________________________________________ There was a man driving down the road behind an 18 wheeler, at every stoplight the trucker would get out of the cab, run back and bang on the trailer door. After seeing this at several intersections in a row the motorist followed him until he pulled into a parking lot. When they both had come to a stop the truck driver once again jumped out and started banging on the trailer door. The motorist went up to him and said, "I don't mean to be nosey but why do you keep banging on that door?" To which the trucker replied, "Sorry, can't talk now, I have 20 tons of canarries and a 10 ton limit, so i have to keep half of them flying at all times."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A couple had been debating buying a vehicle for weeks. He wanted a truck. She wanted a fast little sports-like car so she could zip through traffic around town. He would probably have settled on any beat up old truck. Everything she seemed to like was way out of their price range. "Look!" She said. "I want something that goes from 0 to 200 in just a few seconds. Nothing else will do. My birthday is coming up so surprise me!" He did just that. For her birthday, he bought her a brand new bathroom Scale. Nobody has seen or heard from him since. ____________________________________________________

Today, August 9, in 
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American flag
around the world. 

1831 The first American steam locomotive began its first trip
between Schenectady and Albany, NY. 

1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton Treaty,
which solved a border dispute. 

1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY. 

1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau. 

1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames. 

1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way telegraph.

1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing

1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer. 

1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in one

1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944. 

1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear." 

1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The bombing
came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima. About 74,000
people were killed. Japan surrendered August 14. 

1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan. 

1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational
television network went on the air in Alabama. 

1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the Malaysian

1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald R.
Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of the

1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when the
Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition football. The
new Superdome cost $163 million to build. 

1985 Arthur J. Walker, a retired Navy officer, was found
guilty of seven counts of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles

1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time. 

1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would support
federal funding for limited medical research on embryonic
stem cells. 

2004 Trump Hotel and Casino Resorts announced plans to file
for Chapter 11 bankruptcy.

2017  smiled.

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Should you forward spam to the FTC ? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, August 8

Strange sunrise with the sun as red as a traffic light 
in the thick smoke. Sunrise is already almost an hour 
later than it was in the middle of June. 

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man set pregnant girlfriend on fire,
is still on the run.
Today, Aug 8 in
1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, 
Bringham Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Painting: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) We don't bother much about dress and manners in England, because as a nation we don't dress well and we've no manners. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) First secure an independent income, then practice virtue. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ At the gates of heaven there were two lines, with signs above them. One line was labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands", and the other was labeled "Not-Henpecked Husbands." The line labeled "Hen Pecked Husbands" was filled with men and it stretched as far far as the eye could see. The other line "Not-Hen Pecked Husbands" had only one skinny bald little man with thick glasses. After surveying the two lines, St. Peter walked over to the little man in the Not-Henpecked line, grabbed his hand and told him how amazed he was at his accomplishment, and asked him "how in the world did you do it? You are the only man in this line." The little man looked at St. Peter with a puzzled look on his face and said, "Gee mister I don't know what you are talking about, my wife told me to stand here." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Working as a computer instructor for an adult-education program at a community college, I am keenly aware of the gap in computer knowledge between my younger and older students. My observations were confirmed the day a new student walked into our library area and glanced at the encyclopedia volumes stacked on a bookshelf. "What are all these books?" he asked. Somewhat surprised, I replied that they were encyclopedias. "Really?" he said. "Someone printed out the whole CD?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter, the stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Noel Grullon, 32, Hialeah, Florida Florida man set pregnant girlfriend on fire, is still on the run. Police say a Hialeah man who allegedly set his pregnant girlfriend on fire last month is still on the run. Noel Grullon, 32, fled the home he shared with Allyson Rivera on July 27, the day police say he set the pregnant woman on fire after she ended their six month relationship. "He is one step ahead of us," said Hialeah Police spokesperson Carl Zogby. "He hasn't gone back to work and hasn't gone anywhere expected." A nationwide warrant has now been issued for Grullon and his name has been placed in the National Crime Information Center. The day after learning Rivera was ending their relationship, Grullon started pulling drawers off cabinets and throwing them on the floor. When Rivera asked him to stop, Grullon returned with a gasoline can, poured it over her head and set her on fire. Grullon also smashed Rivera's phone so she could not call 911. Grullon is believed to have fled in a 2007 black Ford 150 pickup truck with Florida license plate HVD-E62. Rivera was hospitalized after extinguishing the flames by running to the shower. A social worker reported the domestic violence incident to police. Anyone with information is urged to call 305-687-2525 or Miami-Dade Crime Stoppers at 305-471-TIPS. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ross Re: Forward spam to the FTC Dear Webby, If everyone forwarded their spam to FTC.... Maybe Mailwasher should have an Auto Send To FTC option? Ross Dear Ross I suggested that to Nick when MailWasher was still in the experimental stage about 20 years ago, however he felt that it could lead to abuse and never implemented that. The FTC does not read the spam anyway. They simply count the number of spams that were submitted in hopes that the FTC would do something about it. The submissions are simple counted and deleted. That number is then used to establish the gullibility index, which in turn is probably used by the gas stations to regulate the pump price. Since the Government gets a fixed percentage of that, this helps paying for Senators who promote spam with legislation like the CAN-SPAM law. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth - was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "A fork lift?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Microwave Corn on the Cob By Harlean [145 Posts, 453 Comments] You will never boil sweet corn in a kettle of water again. Prep Time: 10 minutes Cook Time: 5 to 8 minutes Total Time: 15 to 20 minute Yield: 1 or 2 Steps: Begin with ears of corn still in the husk. Cut the bottom end off, and rinse with cold water let drain. Do not peel back the husk. Place one or two ears in the microwave. Set the microwave for 5-8 minutes. If you are using 2 ears add another 3 minutes or so to the timer. You can always change the amount of time, if you like your corn cooked more. Use towel, mitts or potholders to remove the hot ears from the microwave and pull the husks off starting on the top end. The corn silk will come off clean and easily. Cut the husk off at the bottom of the ear. If you need more corn, just wrap the finished hot corn, still in the husk, in a towel while you cook more. Once the husk is removed place in a holder or on a plate and add butter and salt. You will never boil sweet corn in a kettle of water again. And then there is the traditional hillbilly method: 1) Toss the corn into the microwave and nuke it for 8 minutes 2) Cut it at the widest spot, just before it narrows to the stem. 3) Grab it at the hairy end (top) with a pot holder and squeeze hard. If you cut the stem end at the widest spot, the corn will slide out of the husk without any silk. Until you get the hang of that, you may have to re-cut the stem end. Holding it with the hairy end (top) up, and shaking it a bit also helps, if the corn is not that fresh and does not slide easily. 4) Rub some butter on the corn, sprinkle a bit of salt and fresh ground pepper, poke the two-pronged corn spikes into the ends, and enjoy! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
When it's too hot for the dogs to swim outside
____________________________________________________ >From Linda I hate the idea of going under the knife. So I was very upset when the doctor hold me I needed a tonsillectomy. Later, the nurse and I were filling out an admission form. I tried to respond to the questions, but I was so nervous I couldn't speak. The nurse patted my hand and said, "Don't worry. This medical problem can easily be fixed, and it's not a dangerous procedure." "You're right. I'm being silly," I said, "Please continue." "Good," the nurse went on, "Now, do you have a living will?" ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ An old farmer decided to visit a pond in the back of his property that he had not visited in a long time. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing. As he came closer, he discovered a bunch of young women were skinny dipping in his pond. He politely made the women aware of his presence, and soon they all moved to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The farmer replied, "Oh, don't worry about me. I didn't come down here to see you skinny dipping. I'm just here to feed the alligator."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ "I'd like the number for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the young man said to the 411 operator. "There are multiple listings for Jennifer Smith in Richmond, Virginia," the operator said. "Do you have a street name?" The young man hesitated a moment, "Well, uh, most people call me Bubba." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 8, in 
1356 Edward "the Black Prince" began a raid north from

1815 Napoleon Bonaparte set sail for St. Helena in the South
Atlantic. The remainder of his life was spent there in exile.

1844 After the killing of Joseph Smith on June 27, Bringham
Young was chosen to lead the Mormons. 

1876 Thomas Edison received a patent for the mimeograph. The
mimeograph was a "method of preparing autographic stencils
for printing." 

1899 The refrigerator was patented by A.T. Marshall. 

1900 In Boston, the first Davis Cup series began. The U.S.
team defeated Great Britain three matches to zero. 

1940 The German Luftwaffe began a series of daylight air
raids on Great Britain. 

1945 After the end of World War II, the Soviet Union declared
war on Japan. 

1953 The U.S. and South Korea initiated a mutual security

1956 Japan launched an oil tanker that was 780 feet long and
weighed 84,730 tons. It was the largest oil tanker in the

1966 Michael DeBakey became the first surgeon to install an
artificial heart pump in a patient. 

1978 The U.S. launched Pioneer Venus II, which carried
scientific probes to study the atmosphere of Venus. 

1988 It was announced that a cease-fire between Iraq and Iran
had begun. 

1989 The space shuttle Columbia took off from Cape Canaveral,
FL. The trip was said to be a secret five-day military

1990 American forces began positioning in Saudia Arabia. 

1991 John McCarthy, a British TV producer, was released by
his Lebanese kidnappers. He had been held captive for more
than five years. A rival group abducted Jerome Leyraud in
retaliation and threatened to kill him if any more hostages
were released. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council approved North and South Korea
for membership. 

1992 The "Dream Team" clinched the gold medal at the
Barcelona Summer Olympics. The U.S. basketball team beat
Croatia 117-85. 

1994 The first road link between Israel and Jordan opened. 

1994 Representatives from China and Taiwan signed a
cooperation agreement. 

1995 Saddam Hussein's two eldest daughters, their husbands,
and several senior army officers defected. 

2000 The submarine H.L. Hunley was raised from ocean bottom
after 136 years. The sub had been lost during an attack on
the U.S.S. Housatonic in 1864. The Hunley was the first
submarine in history to sink a warship.

2017  smiled.

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Clickbook vs Publisher 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, August 7

Take advantage of the full moon! 
Great time for a late evening stroll.
Would be even better if I could get somebody 
to come along! The orange moon in the wild fire smoke 
wafting over the Rockies from BC is gorgeous!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling 
occupied bus stop with truck and walking away
without helping the 6 victims.
Today, Aug 7 in
1914 Germany invaded France. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Milkman Notes These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter, the stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Gary Paul Daleo, 55, Roseville, Michigan Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling occupied bus stop with truck and walking away without helping the 6 victims. Gary Paul Daleo was behind the wheel of a Dodge Ram pickup truck when it slammed into a bus stop at 12 Mile and Van Dyke. Four people were pinned under his truck and five of the six victims remain hospitalized. Daleo, 55, from Roseville, was arraigned on a six count felony warrant, facing three counts of reckless driving causing serious bodily impairment and three counts of operating while impaired causing serious bodily impairment. Each count has a maximum penalty of five years in prison and or a $5,000 fine. Daleo was arraigned before Judge Michael Chupa of 37th District Court where a not guilty plea was entered and bond was set at $70,000 cash or surety only. His next court appearance is scheduled for Aug. 15. At the time of the crash Wednesday, Daleo is seen on video climbing out of his truck at the scene and swiftly walking past the victims to go inside Subway to use the bathroom. Some of the victims were still pinned under his Ram at the time. Subway employee Christopher Lofton witnessed the crash and spoke to FOX 2 that day. "He walked in calm collected and used the bathroom, then walked right out." he said. "It was just terrible." Witnesses said it looked like he went to the Subway bathroom to dispose of his drugs. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, What does ClickBook have that Microsoft Publisher doesnt have? Wes Dear Wes You CAN print simple booklets with WordPerfect, WORD, even Publisher, if you have lots of time and patience. If you don't have an excess of time and patience for re-shuffling, re-paginating, re-numbering, etc., and want to be able to print ANYTHING, from web pages to accounting spreadsheets, from CD-case inserts to genealogy charts by simply selecting the output format, then get Clickbook. You can even make it your default printer and print everything with a 75% saving on ink and paper. Where you really save is with invoices. We get our phone, electricity, and gas bills via email, and each one usually takes a page and a bit with regular printing. With Clickbook all pages of an invoice are on one sheet.of paper. Publisher would be quite useless for those. I would be lost without Clickbook. It is definitely one of the best tool investments I ever made. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from High Protein Cheesy Breadsticks (Flourless) By attosa [382 Posts, 1,850 Comments] This is an awesome rendition of cheesy breadsticks. It contains no flour whatsoever so it is keto/low-carb friendly and super yummy. I pulsed 10 ounces of leftover rotisserie chicken for this recipe, but you can use canned cooked chicken, too. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: 10 oz ounces cooked and ground chicken 1 oz Parmesan cheese 1 Tbsp dried oregano 1 raw egg 1/3 cup shredded cheese Steps: Preheat oven to 375 F. Put ground chicken in a large bowl and add the Parmesan cheese. Mix well. Mix in the oregano. Crack in the egg and stir well until the crumbly mixture turns into a moist dough. Press dough into a large square shape on a lightly greased baking sheet. Make sure it is at least 1/3 of an inch thick. With a pizza cutter or knife, cut into 1 inch wide sticks. Bake in oven for 20 minutes. Remove and sprinkle with cheese. If so desired, add a bit of garlic powder. I put it on half of this one for a guest who is not so keen on garlic. How dare they?:) Raise heat to 400 F and pop sticks back into the oven for five minutes or until edges are golden and cheese is slightly browned. Serve on its own or with a dipping sauce. ____________________________________________________
Daddy! It's a Pause!
____________________________________________________ To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat. "I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" "You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says, "No, but I will never again do what you've been doing..." ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face, saying, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this." "Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful. Now please stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde named Cathy, with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding." "I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!" The preacher fainted.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Betty: Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked 3-year-old Text-End to hold a flashlight high over mommy, so that he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Text-End did as she was asked. The mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while the baby was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. The baby began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Text-End for the help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what Text-End thought about what had been going on. Text-End quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his ass again." ____________________________________________________

Today, August 7, in 
1789 The U.S. War Department was established by the U.S.

1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart.

1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the
revolving door. 

1914 Germany invaded France. 

1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that was
one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 

1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling
striking down the government's attempt to ban the
controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 

1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of
the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during World
War II. 

1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six-
man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a
reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 

1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture
of the Earth. 

1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of
communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious TV
and radio broadcasts. 

1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution,
which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing with
reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 

1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung
between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 

1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1
spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life on

1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 

1987 The presidents of five Central American nations, met in
Guatemala City, and signed an 11-point agreement designed to
bring peace to their region. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and
warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible
invasion by Iraq. 

2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for

2017  smiled.

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She can't get her newsletters 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, August 6

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Baby sitters arrested for putting flea-infested 
kids in the back of a U-Haul truck
Today, Aug 6 in
1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The bomb
named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of Hiroshima,
Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed. (8:16am
Japanese time) 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I'll be more enthusiastic about encouraging thinking outside the box when there's evidence of any thinking going on inside it. --- Terry Pratchett Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling The nine most terrifying words in the English language are, 'I'm from the government and I'm here to help.' --- Ronald Reagan ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ More than anything, Bob wanted to be a cowpoke. Taking pity on him, a rancher decided to hire the lad and give him a chance. "This," he said, showing him a rope, "is a lariat. We use it to catch cows." "I see," said Bob, trying to seem knowledgeable as he examined the lariat. "And what do you use for bait?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Anna The Students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then two solemn voices called out, "How far away did they stand?" "Did they get both ears with one shot?" ______________________________________________________ Great Captain Island Light, Greenwich, Connecticut _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jamie Adkins, 25, Brian Dekam, 55, Elyria, Ohio Baby sitters arrested for putting flea-infested kids in the back of a U-Haul truck Two city workers thought something was amiss when they saw five children getting into the back of a U-Haul truck at a gas station. They stopped the driver from leaving and called 911. Elyria police and firefighters arrived Wednesday afternoon and found the children, ranging in age from 2 to 15, soaked with sweat, infested with lice and covered with flea and bedbug bites. A woman who described herself as the children's godmother was in the back of the U-Haul being driven by a 55-year-old man. Her fiance was a passenger in the truck's cab. The woman, 25-year-old Jamie Adkins, explained to officers that she had been caring for the four younger children the last two weeks and that they had left Cleveland early that morning to travel to a flea market in Amherst, a city in Lorain County near Elyria. Adkins said she had called the children's mother, who hadn't seen them for two weeks, and had told her where they were going and how they'd be getting there. Adkins told police the mother said she hoped the kids "would have fun." The 2-year-old, a boy, was taken to an Elyria medical center and then flown to a children's hospital in Cleveland to be treated for heat exhaustion. Elyria is about 30 miles (48 kilometers) west of downtown Cleveland. Adkins and the U-Haul driver, 55-year-old Brian Dekam, both Cleveland residents, were taken into custody and charged with multiple counts of child endangering. They were eventually released for medical reasons, police said. Court records don't indicate whether they have attorneys. The four older children, ages 3, 4, 6 and 15, have been placed in foster care in Cuyahoga County, which includes Cleveland. The 2-year-old also will be placed in county custody after leaving the hospital. Elyria police Capt. Chris Constantino on Friday called the two city workers heroes for having "intervened in the right way." He said the 2-year-old was bright red, nonresponsive and in "serious medical duress" on a day when temperatures rose above 80 degrees. "If they hadn't taken action, it could have been tragic," Constantino said. Luckily they knew that hauling kids in the back of a truck, without seatbelts, is highly illegal. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Carolyn Re: Newsletter Dear Webby, I am not receiving yours or the Angelwinks newsletter. The last one I received was two weeks ago. Also, I'm not getting the new cards either. I tried to re-enter my email address on the frequently asked questions site, but it won't take it. Please Advise Carolyn Dear Carolyn That's just your spam control. You have to manually white-list your subscriptions. Newsletters can't jump through the silly rigamarole and type in whatever passcode is on the Captcha verification graphic. Have FUN! DearWebby

Re that shoestore joke: >From Maddy Morgan DO NOT SEND ME ANOTHER ONE OF THESE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! >From Jessica whats the joke i dont get it >From UncWes: Heck with the internet or work... I am going into the shoe sales business... unk wes
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Woven Bacon Shell Breakfast Taco By attosa [382 Posts, 1,850 Comments] This low carb breakfast taco isn't only super delicious, it looks super cool! Weave the bacon, pop it in the oven, and fill with your favourite breakfast foods. This will be a hit for your family and friends. You can do the weaving straight on your baking sheet. I used a coloured silicone mat so you could see what I was doing more clearly and not get a reflection off the baking sheet's shine. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Yield: 1 huge taco to share Ingredients: 10 pieces raw bacon 1 raw egg 1/4 cup shredded cheddar cheese some chopped jalapeno Steps: Preheat oven to 425 F. Lay 5 strips of bacon across a baking sheet, making sure they are flush up against each other. The fatty sides should all face one direction and meaty sides should all face the other direction. Fold every other strip in half onto itself. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those flipped strips back over the perpendicular strip of bacon. Now fold every other strip in the alternating columns. Lay one strip of bacon perpendicular to those strips, flush up against the back of the folds. Unfold those strips back down over the perpendicular strip of bacon. Repeat again with the first set of strips. Do the same thing on the upper half of the weave. There should be the same number of strips going down as there are going across. Trim the edges of the woven bacon a bit to resemble a circle. Pop in the preheated oven for 15 minutes. When it's mostly cooked and holding its shape, remove from oven. Take two tin cans and lay metal tongs or a metal knife across the two to make a bridge. Lay the bacon disc over the bridge. Pop back in the oven for 10 minutes or so, until crisped. To make your quick scrambled eggs, crack your egg into a mug and whisk with a fork. Microwave on high for 45 seconds. Fill bacon shell with cheese, then egg, the more cheese. Sprinkle with jalapeno. Enjoy! Don't forget the Salsa! ____________________________________________________
Boys toys 2
____________________________________________________ A family had moved to Seattle from Texas, and each of them missed their old home. That December, when they went to pick up their first-grade son from school, his teacher told them about a conversation she overheard. One boy said, "We're Catholic, and we are going to Christmas Mass." "Were Jewish," said another child. "And we're going to have a Hanukkah celebration. "Madison chimed in, "We're Texans, and were going to have a barbecue." ___________________________________________________
Interesting body painting.
___________________________________________________ I had been called to examine a ten-year-old Irish Wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker and they were hoping for a miracle. I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family there were no miracles left for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for the four-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience, and realize that Belker would go gently. The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's Family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on. Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away. The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives. Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, "I know why." Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation. He said, "People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life -- like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?" Everyone shook their heads in agreement. The four-year-old continued, "Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin

Today, August 6, in 
1787 At the Constitutional Convention in Philadelphia
debate began on the first draft of the U.S. Constitution. 

1806 The Holy Roman Empire went out of existence as
Emperor Francis II abdicated. 

1825 Bolivia declared independence from Peru. 

1879 The first Australian rules football game to be played
at night took place at the Melbourne Cricket Ground. The
game was to promote the introduction of electricity to the
city of Melbourne. 

1914 Austria-Hungary declared war against Russia. Serbia
declared war against Germany. 

1926 Gertrude Ederle became the first American woman to
swim the English Channel. She was 19 years old at the
time. The swim took her 14 1/2 hours. 

1926 Warner Brothers premiered its Vitaphone system in New
York. The movie was "Don Juan," starring John Barrymore. 

1945 The American B-29 bomber, known as the Enola Gay,
dropped the first atomic bomb on an inhabited area. The
bomb named "Little Boy" was dropped over the center of
Hiroshima, Japan. An estimated 140,000 people were killed.
(8:16am Japanese time) 

1960 Nationalization of U.S. and foreign-owned property in
Cuba began. 

1962 Jamaica became an independent dominion within the
British Commonwealth. 

1965 The Voting Rights Act was signed by U.S. President
Lyndon B. Johnson. 

1969 The first fair ball to be hit completely out of
Dodger Stadium occurred. Willie "Pops" Stargell, of the
Pittsburgh Pirates, hit the ball 506 feet from home plate.

1981 Fire fighters in Indianapolis, IN, answered a false
alarm. When they returned to their station it was ablaze
due to a grease fire. 

1981 Lee Trevino was disqualified from the PGA
Championship in Duluth, GA when he had his scorecard
signed by Tom Weiskopf instead of himself. 

1985 The 40th anniversary of the Hiroshima atomic bombing
brought tens of thousands of Japanese and foreigners to

1986 William J. Schroeder died. He lived 620 days with the
Jarvik-7 manmade heart. He was the world's longest
surviving recipient of a permanent artificial heart. 

1989 Jaime Paz Zamora was inaugurated as the president of

1990 The U.N. Security Council ordered a worldwide trade
embargo of Iraq. The embargo was to punish Iraq for
invading Kuwait. 

1993 Morihiro Hosokawa was elected prime minister of

1995 Thousands of glowing lanterns were set afloat in
rivers in Hiroshima, Japan, on the 50th anniversary of the
first atomic bombing. 

1996 NASA announced the discovery of evidence of primitive
life on Mars. The evidence came in the form of a meteorite
that was found in Antarctica. The meteorite was believed
to have come from Mars and contained a fossil. 

1997 Apple Computer and Microsoft agreed to share
technology in a deal giving Microsoft a stake in Apple's

1998 Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky spent 8 1/2
hours testifying before a grand jury about her
relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 

2012 The Mars rover Curiosity landed on the floor of Gale
Crater. The Mars Science Laboratory/Curiosity spacecraft
launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, FL, on
November 26, 2011.

2017  smiled.

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Copy music CD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, August 5

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' 
caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and 
ATV riding
Today, Aug 5 in
1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax.
The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure 
was rescinded in 1872. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you walk into an open sewer and die. --- Mel Brooks (1926 - ) To be great is to be misunderstood. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson (1803 - 1882) First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac (1799 - 1850) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Groan Alert! Vintners in the Napa Valley who produce primarily Pinot Blancs and Pinot Grigios have developed a new hybrid grape, which acts as an anti-diuretic and will reduce the number of trips an older person has to make to the bathroom during the night. They will be marketing the new wine as Pinot More. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: One day, a kindergarten teacher said to the class of 5-year-olds, "I'll Give $2 to the child who can tell me who the most famous man who ever lived was." An Irish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Patrick." The teacher said, "Sorry Sean, that's not correct." Then a Scottish boy put his hand up and said, "It was St. Andrew." The teacher replied, "I'm sorry, Jock, that's not right either." Finally, a Jewish boy raised his hand and said, "It was Jesus Christ." The teacher said, "That's absolutely right, Marvin, come up here and I'll give you the $2." As the teacher was giving Marvin his money, she said, "You know, Marvin, since you're Jewish, I was very surprised that you said Jesus Christ." Marvin replied, "Yeah. In my heart I knew it was Moses, but business is business. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Linda Hoey, 59, Cannock, Staffordshire, UK Welfare cheat who claimed she 'couldn't walk' caught out by holiday snaps snorkeling and ATV riding Linda Hoey, from the UK, fraudulently claimed a total of £81,000 ($134,000) including £65,244 in Disability Living Allowance and £15,690 in toll charges using a disability card over a 14-year period. Hoey, 58, claimed that degenerative arthritis and back problems meant that she could only walk a metre a minute, and couldn’t stretch her arms above her head. However, she was caught out when pictures from her holiday in the Maldives were passed to the Department for Work and Pensions. Despite claiming that her arthritis meant she was unable to work, she was employed full-time for PartsWorld, a car accessory supplier in Cannock, Staffordshire, for 17 years. A court heard how she was also pictured on her knees altering her daughter’s wedding dress and bent over a pool table with a cue in her hand. Inquiries also revealed that she was a member of a gym, and had been attending regular swimming and badminton lessons. Hoey was found guilty of misrepresenting her benefit claim between 2001 and 2015 and misusing an exemption pass for the M6 Toll Road between 2004 and 2015 at Stafford Crown Court on Friday. Prosecutor Anthony Cartin said: “She had been working full time from 1997 in a desk job doing the exact thing — sitting for a long time in the same position — she said she could not do without pain. “She has lied and exaggerated, cheating you, me and the public out of money from the public purse. Stewart Halstead, Hoey’s former boss at PartsWorld — which she left in 2014 — said he was unaware of her claimed health problems. He revealed that he had never seen her use a stick, and that she would regularly walk up and down stairs with trays of hot drinks. The mum-of-four filed her first form claiming Disability Living Allowance in 1995, and successfully made an appeal for more money in April 2005. After the Department for Work and Pensions received a tip-off, police visited her home in February last year and spotted her walking down the stairs to answer the front door. Her home had not been adapted for her supposed disability. She has been found guilty and will be sentenced some time in the future. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Copy Music CD Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Thanks for the fun all year long. I received a music cd that my son made me. It is on a cd-r music cd. I have a cd writer on my pc. Can I make a copy of this like I save pics to cd-rw? There is no copywrite label on the cd & I would like to make a copy for my pastor. I am not wanting to resell them or anything like that. Thanks so much for the helpful hints. Sharon Dear Sharon Yes, sure. Just copy the contents into a new folder on your computer, then drag them to a fresh CD and burn them. Have FUN! DearWebby

The woman entered the room, and with a knowing smile teasing her full lips,she sank into the comfort of the plush chair in the corner. The handsome stranger turned, having sensed her approach. Locking his steely gray eyes on hers, he moved slowly toward her, his experienced gaze measuring her, hypnotizing her with his soft murmurs of assurance. He sank to his knees before her and without a word, smoothly released her from her constraining attire. With a sigh of surrender, she allowed his foreign hands to unleash her bare flesh. He expertly guided his hands through this tender, often hidden territory, his movements deliberate, confident in his ability to satisfy her every need. Her senses swam. She was overcome with an aching desire that had gone unfulfilled for so long. And, just as it seemed that ecstasy was within her grasp, he paused, and for one heart-stopping moment, she thought, "It's too big! - it will never fit!" Then, with a sudden rush, it slid into place as if it had been made only for her! As pleasure and contentment washed over her, she met his steady gaze, tears of gratitude shining in her eyes. And he knew it wouldn't be long before she returned. Oh, yes, this woman would want more. She would want to do it again and again and again. He knew, deep down inside, that she would return to buy more shoes the next year, and the next, and the next.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Saving Money at Restaurants 1. Don't order alcoholic drinks. 2. Try meatless dishes, they are almost always cheaper. 3. Go out to lunch, instead of dinner. 4. Split large dishes between two people. 5. Order off the senior menu if you can. Lunch menus are usually significantly cheaper than dinner menus. Senior portions cost less and tend to be smaller portions. You may get a bit less food, but that is better for your waistline. Serving sizes are ridiculously large at most restaurants. Tip provided by Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
oung Buck just asking for trouble
____________________________________________________ A rather Posh Lady was stalking around an exclusive London art gallery when she stopped by one particular exhibit. "I suppose this picture of a hideous witch is what you would call modern art?" she asked in a very pompous manner. "No, Ma'm," replied the gallery assistant, "We call that a mirror." ___________________________________________________
39 Bonsai
___________________________________________________ A very self-important college freshman at a recent football game, took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his own. "You grew up in a different, actually almost primitive, world," the student said condescendingly and loud enough for the whole crowd to hear. "We young people today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars... We even have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing...and uh.." Taking advantage of a pause for breath in the student's litany, the "wizened" one said, "You're right, Son. We didn't have those things when we were young. So we invented them, you snotnosed little bozo!! Now, what are you doing for the next generation, aside from lame and noisy hype ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The young couple invited their aged parson for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Pa say to Ma, 'Might as well have the old goat for dinner today as any other day.'"

Today in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of
John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had
been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New
York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 

1833 The village of Chicago was incorporated. The population was
approximately 250. 

1861 The U.S. federal government levied its first income tax.
The tax was 3% of all incomes over $800. The wartime measure was
rescinded in 1872. 

1884 On Bedloe's Island in New York Harbor, the cornerstone for
the Statue of Liberty was laid. 

1914 The first electric traffic signal lights were installed in
Cleveland, Ohio. 

1921 The first play-by-play broadcast of a baseball game was
done by Harold Arlin. KDKA Radio in Pittsburgh, PA described the
action between the Pirates and Philadelphia. 

1921 The cartoon "On the Road to Moscow", by Rollin Kirby, was
published in the "New York World". It was the first cartoon to
win a Pulitzer Prize. 

1923 Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the
English Channel. 

1924 In the New York "Daily News" debuted the comic strip
"Little Orphan Annie," by Harold Gray. 

1944 Polish insurgents liberated a German labor camp in Warsaw.
348 Jewish prisoners were freed. 

1953 During the Korean conflict prisoners were exchanged at
Panmunjom. The exchange was labeled Operation Big Switch. 

1960 For the first time two major league baseball clubs traded
managers. Detroit traded Jimmy Dykes for Cleveland's Joe Gordon.

1963 The Limited Test Ban Treaty was signed by the United
States, Britain, and the Soviet Union. The treaty banned nuclear
tests in space, underwater, and in the atmosphere. 

1964 U.S. aircraft bombed North Vietnam after North Vietnamese
boats attacked U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. 

1966 In New York, groundbreaking for the construction of the
original World Trade Center began. 

1969 The Mariner 7, a U.S. space probe, passed by Mars.
Photographs and scientific data were sent back to Earth. 

1974 U.S. President Nixon said that he expected to be impeached.
Nixon had ordered the investigation into the Watergate break-in
to halt. 

1981 The U.S. federal government started firing striking air
traffic controllers. 

1984 Toronto’s Cliff Johnson set a major league baseball record
by hitting the 19th pinch-hit home run in his career. 

1986 It was revealed that artist Andrew Wyeth had secretly
created 240 drawings and paintings of his neighbor. The works of
Helga Testorf had been created over a 15-year period. 

1989 In Honduras, five Central American presidents began meeting
to discuss the timetable for the dismantling of the Nicaraguan
Contra bases. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush angrily denounced the Iraqi
invasion of Kuwait. 

1991 An investigation was formally launched by Democratic
congressional leaders to find out if the release of American
hostages was delayed until after the Reagan-Bush presidential

1991 Iraq admitted to misleading U.N. inspectors about secret
biological weapons. 

1992 Federal civil rights charges were filed against four Los
Angeles police officers. The officers had been acquitted on
California State charges. Two of the officers were convicted and
jailed on violation of civil rights charges. 

1998 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein began not cooperating with
U.N. weapons inspectors. 

2002 The U.S. closed its consulate in Karachi, Pakistan. The
consulate was closed after local authorities removed large
concrete blocks and reopened the road in front of the building
to normal traffic. 

2009 Google purchased its first public company. The company was
the video software maker On2 Technologies. 

2011 NASA announced that its Mars Reconnaissance Orbiter had
captured photographic evidence of possible liquid water on Mars
during warm seasons. 

2011 Juno was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station on
a mission to Jupiter. It was the first solar-powered spacecraft
to go to Jupiter. 

2011 Standard & Poor's Financial Services lowered the United
States' AAA credit rating by one notch to AA-plus. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, August 4
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Arkansas man caught having sex with the 
neighbor's donkeys
Today, Aug 2 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ "Accept the challenges, so that you may feel the exhilaration of victory." --- General George S. Patton The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ An American was golfing at the Old Course in St. Andrews, Scotland. He slices his opening drive out of bounds onto the beach, so he tees another one up and smacks it right down the middle. The golfer turns to his old Scottish caddy and tells him that in America that is called a "Mulligan" and asks him if there is a name for it in Scotland. The caddy replies, "AYE, we call it a three." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A College student was proudly showing off his new apartment to a couple of his drinking buddies. When they made it to the bedroom, they saw a big brass gong next to the bed. "What's a big brass gong doing in your bedroom?" one of his friends asked. "It's not a gong. It's a talking clock," he replied. "A talking clock? Seriously?" askeds his astonished friend. "Yup," he replied. "How's it work?" the friend asked, squinting at it. "Watch," the drunk replied. He picked up the mallet, gave it an ear-shattering pound, and stepped back. The three stood looking at one another for a moment. Suddenly, someone on the other side of the wall screamed, "Quiet, you moron! It's three o'clock in the morning!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Everett Lee Compton, Jr., 49, Siloam Springs, Arkansas Arkansas man arrested after repeatedly having sex with neighbor's donkey A man from Arkansas is being accused of allegedly buggering his neighbors’ donkeys. On Monday, this man landed himself behind bars for several charges. He allegedly trespassed on his neighbors’ property in order to sexually assault their donkeys. Everett Lee Compton, Jr., 49, has been arrested by Siloam Springs police. He is being charged with four counts of bestiality, four counts of criminal trespassing and four counts of misdemeanor cruelty to animals. Emert and Joyce Whitaker set up a game camera because of repeatedly finding plastic bags on their property. The game camera showed them that a neighbor was putting the bags on their donkeys and having sex with them. They informed police about a man performing sexual acts on their donkey during the mornings of May 27th and June 4th. The couple had set up a game camera and has footage of the man and handed them over to authorities. The photos show the man placing a bag upon the head of one of the donkey, and later thrusting his pelvis into the animal. The Whitaker’s also captured this man allegedly performing illicit sexual acts on their donkeys on July 5th and 6th. In the photo, the suspect feeds a donkey from a bread bag while once having sex with the creature. At 1 A.M. on July 16th, the Whitaker’s called the police once again. They spotted the suspect in the field and began recording. This time, they captured footage of the suspect allegedly sexually assaulting their donkey. They described the incident as "some type of sexual interaction." A responding officer arrived on the scene and all egedly found the suspect hiding behind bushes. Compton claims that he was merely taking a walk. A police report obtained by Arkansas Online reports that officer questioned Compton about the donkeys, and the suspect replied that he had only fed the creatures carrots, but he did not have sex with them. Everett Lee Compton claims to not have had sexual relations with those donkeys. The responding officer told the suspect about the video footage taken from Whitaker's camera. Compton allegedly responded by casting the blame upon marijuana, claiming that the cannabis “makes him do sick things.” He has raked up multiple charges, including four counts of bestiality, four counts of criminal trespassing and four counts of misdemeanor cruelty to animals. Compton remains in the Benton County Jail on $5,000 bond. His court date is set for September 11, 2017. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dee Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Okay, just when I thought I had heard about all the programs .... What is 'ClickBook' ??? Dee Dear Dee ClickBook is a printer driver. You install that driver and all of a sudden you have an extra printer. When you print, you can choose it instead of your regular printer or fax. It just adds a whole lot more capabilities to your printer. When you click it, up pops a selector menu to choose a layout. Let's say you click on "Folded Half Size, 4 pages per sheet". (There are about 170 different layouts to choose from.) It prints the first side of all pages, and on top is a helper sheet that shows you how to put the stack back in for the back side. On my printer I simply take the stack, and without turning or flipping put it into the blank paper tray. Then you hit "Print Second Side" and it does that. Afterward you take the stack, fold it in half, bang some staples through the fold and your book is ready. Paperback book size, printed front and back, and all the pages in the right sequence. On a sheet you might have page 7 beside page 256, but when the stack is folded, the math has been done for you and all pages are sequenced properly. There are layouts for anything from CD sleeves to day-planner refills, store flyers, convention table "tents", restaurant menus, flip-down accounting ledgers, etc. Personally, I would be lost without it. Once upon a time, when I was young and beautiful, I used to be able to do that sort of thing by simply wasting an hour or two with a word processor, but I have turned into a spoiled, lazy old fart and forgot how to do it the hard way. Clickbook is not free. It's still only $50, but well worth it. You make that back the first time you print the programs and table tents for a wedding or club event. For printing eBooks 4 pages per sheet, nice and compact so that you can read it on today's narrow airplane seats, Clickbook is indispensable. instead of the long URL, the shortcut straight to it is Have FUN! DearWebby

>From RPC: Our local news anchor (picture a cute, bubbly cheerleader type) was commenting on the newest things allowed on airplanes. Among them were small scissors and screwdrivers. After the story was over, she looked at her co-anchor and said: "I don't know about you, but I've NEVER had a sudden urge to clip or screw ANYTHING on board an aircraft!" Her male co-anchor just looked at her and burst out laughing. LOL, needless to say they cut to commercial immediately!
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Delicious Herb Dip By 15mhhm15 [209 Posts, 608 Comments] Total Time: 4 minutes Ingredients: basil chives parsley 1 clove garlic 1/2 cup extra virgin olive oil 1/4 tsp salt 1/8 tsp pepper 2 Tbsp lemon juice Steps: I used a combination of herbs: basil, chives and parsley (no specific quantity just a handful of each and filled the 2 cup measuring cup). Dice garlic. Add garlic and herbs into food processor with salt and pepper. Pulse. Add olive oil and lemon juice. Blend until you get a nice dip consistency. Add more oil if needed. Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
Nature by numbers
____________________________________________________ >From Chris in OZ At first sight we knew it was the perfect Christmas tree. Tall and full, with no bare spots. Even our grown children were impressed. "Wow," said my son, "if you didn't know it was real, it could easily pass as artificial." ___________________________________________________
What spray painting multiple layers of acrylic glass looks like.
___________________________________________________ Two older women, Coleen and Melinda, who were rivals in a social circle met at a Christmas party at their country club. "My dear," said Melinda, "Are those real pearls?" "They are," replied Coleen. "Of course the only way I could tell would be for me to bite them," smiled Melinda. Coleen responded, "Yes, but for that you would need to borrow some better dentures."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Bonnie: When our dryer broke, my husband set to work. He found the problem quickly and, since he needed to replace the belt, decided to repair a cracked knob and a broken hinge too. Upon arrival at the Sears parts counter, he said he needed a belt, knob, hinge, and a crescent-shaped wire he'd found inside the dryer. He didn't know where it belonged, but he confidently assured the clerk that he could figure it out once he got into the job. "I have the other parts," the clerk said, "but for the wire you have to go to Lingerie. This is an underwire from your wife's bra."

Today in
1735 Freedom of the press was established with an acquittal of
John Peter Zenger. The writer of the New York Weekly Journal had
been charged with seditious libel by the royal governor of New
York. The jury said that "the truth is not libelous." 

1753 George Washington became a Master Mason. 

1790 The Revenue Cutter Service was formed. This U.S. naval task
force was the beginning of the U.S. Coast Guard. 

1914 Britain declared war on Germany. The U.S. proclaimed its

1922 The death of Alexander Graham Bell, two days earlier, was
recognized by AT&T and the Bell Systems by shutting down all of
its switchboards and switching stations. The shutdown affected
13 million phones. 

1944 Nazi police raided a house in Amsterdam and arrested eight
people. Anne Frank, a teenager at the time, was one of the
people arrested. Her diary would be published after her death. 

1954 The uranium rush began in Saskatchewan, Canada. 

1956 William Herz became the first person to race a motorcycle
over 200 miles per hour. He was clocked at 210 mph. 

1957 Florence Chadwick set a world record by swimming the
English Channel in 6 hours and 7 minutes. 

1957 Juan Fangio won his final auto race and captured the world
auto driving championship. It was his the fifth consecutive year
to win. 

1958 The first potato flake plant was completed in Grand Forks,

1958 Billboard Magazine introduced its "Hot 100" chart, which
was part popularity and a barometer of the movement of potential
hits. The first number one song was Ricky Nelson's "Poor Little

1972 Arthur Bremer was found guilty of shooting George Wallace,
the governor of Alabama. Bremer was sentenced to 63 years in

1983 New York Yankee outfielder Dave Winfield threw a baseball
during warm-ups and accidentally killed a seagull. After the
game, Toronto police arrested him for "causing unnecessary
suffering to an animal." 

1984 Upper Volta, an African republic, changed its name to
Burkina Faso. 

1990 The European Community imposed an embargo on oil from Iraq
and Kuwait. This was done to protest the Iraqi invasion of the
oil-rich Kuwait. 

1991 The Oceanos, a Greek luxury liner, sank off of South
Africa's southeast coast. All of the 402 passengers and 179
crewmembers survived. 

1994 Yugoslavia withdrew its support for Bosnian Serbs. The
border between Yugoslavia and Serb-held Bosnia was sealed. 

1997 Teamsters began a 15-day strike against UPS (United Parcel
Service). The strikers eventually won an increase in full-time
positions and defeated a proposed reorganization of the
company's pension plan. 

2007 NASA's Phoenix spacecraft was launched on a space
exploration mission of Mars. The Phoenix lander descended on
Mars on May 25, 2008. 

2009 North Korean leader Kim Jong-il pardoned two American
journalists, who had been arrested and imprisoned for illegal
entry earlier in the year. 

2017  smiled.

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Phony listing service 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday Aug 3

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone 
store bruglary while cops were watching
Today, Aug 2 in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The reason there are so few female politicians is that it is too much trouble to put makeup on two faces. --- Maureen Murphy Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly American criminal class except Congress. --- Mark Twain ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Minnesota Story All of his life Olle had heard stories of an amazing family tradition. It seems that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all been able to walk on water on their 21st birthday. On that day, they'd walk across the lake to the boat club for their first legal drink. So when Olle's 21st birthday came around, he and his pal Corky took a boat out to the middle of the lake. Olle stepped out of the boat and nearly drowned! Corky just managed to pull him to safety. Furious and confused, Olle went to see his grandmother. "Grandma, it's my 21st birthday, so why can't I walk across the lake like my father, his father, and his father before him?" Granny looked into Olle's eyes and said, "Because, you dumb ass, your father, grandfather and great grandfather were born in January, you were born in August, and the lake is not frozen." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland: Jack was in front of me coming out of church one day, and the preacher was standing at the door as he always is to shake hands. The preacher grabbed Jack by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him, 'You need to join the Army of the Lord!' Jack replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.' Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and Easter?' He whispered back, 'I'm in the secret service.' ______________________________________________________ Now THAT is a bouquet! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Danielle Mitchell, 28, Rockford, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, Rockford, Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, Illinois 3 illinois burglars arrested during cellphone store bruglary while cops were watching Three people from Illinois were arrested Saturday in Davenport after police say they broke into a cellphone store and stole more than $60,000 worth of phones. Danielle Mitchell, 28, William Howard Sanders IV, 31, both of Rockford, and Michael Picaseo Davis, 24, of Chicago, face charges of first-degree theft, third-degree burglary, conspiracy to commit a non-forcible felony and possession of burglary tools. They remained in the Scott County Jail Monday on a $10,000 cash- only bond. A preliminary hearing is scheduled for Aug. 9. At 4:46 a.m. Saturday, Davenport police were dispatched to U.S. Cellular, 351 W. Kimberly Road, for a burglary alarm. According to police, the three used a crowbar to enter the business and were wearing gloves to cover their hands. The three then took approximately $66,000 worth of cellphones from the business and tried to drive away from the area but were blocked by officers, according to police. Inside the vehicle, officers found 95 phones, according to police. The theft charge is a Class C felony punishable by up to 10 years in prison. The burglary and conspiracy charges are Class D felonies punishable by up to give years in prison. The possession of burglary tools charge is an aggravated misdemeanor punishable by up to two years in prison. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Martin Re: Listing Service Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Yesterday I rec'd a bill from Listing Corp (NY, NY) for the domain to the tune of $35.00. Was surprised as I thought I pay all such things through you. Is it something extra, to have it listed with the "10 search engines" or........? Martin Dear Martin That's just scam-spam. There is absolutely no reason to be listed in the Nigerian Pork Inquirer or the NY Listing Corp, or similarly obscure "Listing" services, that absolutely nobody ever looks up. Just trash the scam-spam. It's just some scammers trying to con gullibility tax out of you. If you want search engine listings, add relevant text. That is all that counts. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Ross: Friendship Between Women: A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a girlfriend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it. Friendship Between Men: A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a buddy's house. The woman called her husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two claimed that he was still there.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Fork as Barbecue Tongs By joanWZ [109 Posts, 39 Comments] When you're going to a picnic and you forget your tongs, that's not a problem anymore! I used two forks as my tongs for picking up my barbecued food. Simply attached the forks back to back and tie it with a rubber band. Now you have your fork tongs! Don't forget the BBQ! ____________________________________________________
The Lion Whisperer
____________________________________________________ "Get this." said a guy to his friends, "Last night, while I was down at the bar with you guys, a burglar broke into my house. "Did he get anything?" his friends asked. The guy said, "Yeah, a broken jaw, six teeth knocked out, and a pair of broken ribs." One of his friends ask, "Whoa!" The guy answered, "Well, it was really late at night and my wife thought it was *me* coming home drunk!!" ___________________________________________________
The art of making people look twice.
___________________________________________________ Two daughters had been given parts in a Christmas pageant at their Church. At dinner that night, they got into an argument as to who had the most important role. Finally, the 10-year-old said to her younger sister, "Well you just ask Mom. She'll tell you it's much harder to be a virgin than it is to be an angel!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ >From Eva I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry as they were trained professionals and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "has your plane arrived yet?" -------------- That happened to me too once, in Las Vegas.

Today in
1492 Christopher Columbus left Palos, Spain with three ships.
The voyage led him to what is now known as the Americas. He
reached the Bahamas on October 12. 

1750 Christopher Dock completed the first book of teaching
methods. It was titled "A Simple and Thoroughly Prepared School

1777 During the Siege of Fort Stanwix the first U.S. flag was
officially flown during battle. 

1900 Firestone Tire & Rubber Co. was founded. 

1914 Germany declared war on France. The next day World War I
began when Britain declared war on Germany. 

1933 The Mickey Mouse Watch was introduced for the price of

1936 The U.S. State Department advised Americans to leave Spain
due to the Spanish Civil War. 

1936 Jesse Owens won the first of his four Olympic gold medals. 

1943 Gen. George S. Patton verbally abused and slapped a
private. Later, Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower ordered him to
apologize for the incident. 

1956 Bedloe's Island had its name changed to Liberty Island. 

1958 The Nautilus became the first vessel to cross the North
Pole underwater. The mission was known as "Operation Sunshine." 

1979 "More American Graffiti" was released. 

1981 U.S. traffic controllers with PATCO, the Professional Air
Traffic Controllers Organization, went on strike. They were
fired just as U.S. President Reagan had warned. 

1985 Mail service returned to a nudist colony in Paradise Lake,
FL. Residents promised that they'd wear clothes or stay out of
sight when the mailperson came to deliver. 

1988 The Iran-Contra hearings ended. No ties were made between
U.S. President Reagan and the Nicaraguan Rebels. 

1988 The Soviet Union released Mathias Rust. He had been taken
into custody on May 28, 1987 for landing a plane in Moscow's Red

1989 Hashemi Rafsanjani was sworn in as the president of Iran. 

1990 Thousands of Iraqi troops pushed within a few miles of the
border of Saudi Arabia. This heightened world concerns that the
invasion of Kuwait could spread. 

1992 The U.S. Senate voted to restrict and eventually end the
testing of nuclear weapons. 

1992 Russia and Ukraine agreed to put the Black Sea Fleet under
joint command. The agreement was to last for three years. 

1995 Eyad Ismoil was flown from Jordan to the U.S. to face
charges that he had driven the van that blew up in New York's
World Trade Center. 

2004 In New York, the Statue of Liberty re-opened to the public.
The site had been closed since the terrorist attacks on the U.S.
on September 11, 2001. 

2004 NASA launched the spacecraft Messenger. The 6 1/2 year
journey was planned to arrive at the planet Mercury in March
2011. On April 30, 2015, Messenger crashed into the surface of
Mercury after sending back more than 270,000 pictures. 

2009 Bolivia became the first South American country to declare
the right of indigenous people to govern themselves. 

2017  smiled.

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Swapping monitors 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, Aug 2

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Australias Weather Bureau Caught AGAIN 
Tampering With Climate Numbers to fake warming
Today, Aug 2 in
1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome (1859 - 1927) Regret for the things, that you did not do, always hurts much more, than forgiveable guilt for the few misdeeds, which you actually did. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Old age is when former classmates are so gray, wrinkled, and bald they don't recognize you. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "Daddy, how was I born?" Dad answered: "Ah, my son, I guess one day you will need to find out anyway! Well, you see your Mom and I first got together on Skype. Then I set up a date via e-mail with your Mom and we met at a cyber-cafe. We sneaked into a secluded room, where your mother agreed to a download from my hard drive. As soon as I was ready to upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall, and since it was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later a blessed little Pop-Up appeared and said: "You've Got Male!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Andrew Johnson, Director of Meteorology, Australia Australias Weather Bureau Caught AGAIN Tampering With Climate Numbers to fake warming Australian scientists at the Bureau of Meteorology (BOM) ordered a review of temperature recording instruments after the government agency was caught AGAIN tampering with temperature logs in several locations. Meteorologist Lance Pidgeon watched the 13 degrees Fahrenheit Goulburn recording from July 2 disappear from the bureau's website. The temperature readings fluctuated briefly and then disappeared from the government's website. "The temperature dropped to minus 10 (13 degrees Fahrenheit), stayed there for some time and then it changed to minus 10.4 (14 degrees Fahrenheit) and then it disappeared," Pidgeon said, adding that he notified scientist Jennifer Marohasy about the problem, who then brought the readings to the attention of the bureau. "The bureau's quality-control system, designed to filter out spurious low or high values was set at minus 10 minimum for Goulburn which is why the record automatically adjusted," a bureau spokeswoman told reporters Monday. BOM added that there are limits placed on how low temperatures are allowed to go in some areas of the country (so as not to show actual cooling). If temperatures were lower than Global Warming predictions, then they were automatically "adjusted" upward to suit the Global Warming and Carbon Tax activists. Bureaus Chief Executive Andrew Johnson told Australian Environment Minister Josh Frydenberg that the failure to record the low temperatures at Goulburn in early July was due to faulty equipment. A similar failure wiped out a reading of 13 degrees Fahrenheit at Thredbo Top on July 16, even though temperatures at that station have been recorded as low as 5.54 degrees Fahrenheit. Marohasy, for her part, told reporters that Johnson's claims are nearly impossible to believe given that there are screen shots that show the very low temperatures before being "quality assured" out. The equipment itself showed the correct temperature, before the fakers messed with the logs. It could take several weeks before the equipment is eventually tested, reviewed and ready for service, Johnson said. BOM has been put under the microscope before for similar manipulations. The agency was accused in 2014 of tampering with the country's temperature record to make it appear as if temperatures had warmed over the decades, according to reports in August 2014. Marohasey claimed at the time that BOM's adjusted temperature records are "propaganda" and not science. She analyzed raw temperature data from places across Australia, compared them to BOM data, and found the agency's data created an artificial warming trend. Marohasey said BOM adjustments changed Aussie temperature records from a slight cooling trend to one of "dramatic warming" over the past century. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Lynn Re: Swapping Monitors Dear Webby, Love your newsletter! How hard is it to change monitors? I'm using a 2-yr-old, medium-quality 17" flat-panel model on my WinXP PC now and somebody gave me a brand new Dell 17" flat-panel monitor along with the User Documentation disc. Would it be very hard for a mostly computer-illiterate like me to do? --Lynn Dear Lynn The biggest challenge is opening the cardboard box and taking the new monitor out. Cut the tape on top, open the flaps all the way and tape them to the side. Take out any paperwork and styrofoam stuff. Turn the box upside down. Lift the box off the monitor. Lift the monitor from the floor or table to where it is needed. Then the fancy electical work: Unplug the cables at the old monitor. Knock the old monitor onto the floor or onto a soft easy chair. Push the new monitor in place. Plug the old cables into the new monitor. That's all there is to it. You can't plug the cables in wrong, there is only one way they will fit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Ed for this: Wife to Husband... "I'll have you know that I stuck-up for you today". Husband..."Really? What happened". Wife..."Another woman at my card party said that you were so- sloppy that you wasn't fit to live with pigs... and I told her that you definitely ARE!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from How Do I Get Rid of that Fried Smell after Cooking? Place a couple of bowls of straight vinegar in the kitchen. By Lee-Ann I light a candle before I start cooking. It always works for me. By starla ____________________________________________________
Thank you Vietnam Vets
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this old favorite: The strong young man at the construction site was bragging that he could outdo anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is," he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that outbuilding that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the braggart replied. "Let's see what you got." The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then, nodding to the young man, he said, "All right, dummy - Get in." ___________________________________________________
Venus, the second planet from the sun.
___________________________________________________ "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's women's job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ During the wedding reception in the family mansion, the bride's Grandfather slipped her five $100 bills which she concealed in her glove, since he told her to keep it for "mad money". By tradition, the couple spent their first night together in the family's historic house. The bride's Grandmother saw her sneaking down the stairs later that night, and asked where she was going. "I left my gloves in the library, Grand-MaMa, and it's important that I have them." "Oh you youngsters!" the Grandmother sighed. "You march yourself right back upstairs and grab hold of him with your bare hands, just like I grabbed your Grandfather!"

1791 Samuel Briggs and his son Samuel Briggs, Jr. received a
joint patent for their nail-making machine. They were the first
father-son pair to receive a patent. 

1858 In Boston and New York City the first mailboxes were
installed along streets. 

1887 Rowell Hodge patented barbed wire. 

1892 Charles A. Wheeler patented the first escalator. 

1926 John Barrymore and Mary Astor starred in the first showing
of the Vitaphone System. The system was the combining of picture
and sound for movies. 

1939 Albert Einstein signed a letter to President Roosevelt
urging the U.S. to have an atomic weapons research program. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt signed the Hatch Act. The act
prohibited civil service employees from taking an active part in
political campaigns. 

1945 The Allied conference at Potsdam was concluded. 

1964 The Pentagon reported the first of two North Vietnamese
attacks on U.S. destroyers in the Gulf of Tonkin. Apparently the
North Vietnamese did not like getting shelled by foreigners.

1990 Iraq invaded the oil-rich country of Kuwait. Iraq claimed
that Kuwait had driven down oil prices by exceeding production
quotas set by OPEC. 

1995 China ordered the expulsion of two U.S. Air Force officers.
The two were said to have been caught spying on military sites.

2017  smiled.

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Erratic typing on new laptop 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesnday, Aug 1

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Escaped inmate kidnaps, kills asst. warden's teen 
stepdaughter, later dies in shootout with guards
Today, Aug 1 in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela).
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ No one can make you feel inferior without your consent. --- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962) "Beware of the young doctor and the old barber." --- Benjamin Franklin ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for her confession: Fifteen days ago, I read that smoking can kill you. The next day I stopped smoking. Twelve days ago, I read that red meat can kill you. The next day I stopped eating red meat. Eight days ago, I read that drinking can kill you. The next day I stopped drinking. Yesterday, I read that having sex can kill you. This morning I stopped reading. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their small children... "You all have obsessions," he observed. To the first mother, Mary, he said, "You are obsessed with eating. You've even named your daughter Candy." He turned to the second Mom, Ann: "Your obsession is with money. Again, it manifests itself in your child's name, Penny." He turns to the third Mom, Joyce: "Your obsession is alcohol. This too manifests itself in your child's name, Brandy." At this point, the fourth mother, Kathy, gets up, takes her little boy by the hand and whispers. "Come on, Dick, we're leaving." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award, has been earned by Deltra Henderson, 39, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Escaped inmate kidnaps, kills asst. warden's teen stepdaughter, later dies in shootout with guards A prisoner abducted and killed an assistant warden's teenage stepdaughter after he escaped from a Louisiana prison, authorities said Friday. The inmate was later found dead after a standoff with police. Deltra Henderson, 39, walked away from his prison assignment at David Wade Correctional Center on Thursday afternoon, stole a car and kidnapped Amanda Carney, the Claiborne Parish Sheriff's Office said in a statement. The 18-year-old's body was found in a wooded area near the prison where Henderson crashed the car. Sheriff Ken Bailey said during a telephone interview that investigators believe Henderson stabbed Carney to death, but they're awaiting autopsy results. Henderson stole a second vehicle and crashed it, too, before he entered a nearby home on prison property and found a gun, authorities said. He barricaded himself inside after a gunfight with prison guards. Police found his body inside the home after the standoff ended. Investigators suspect Henderson was fatally wounded while he traded gunfire with prison guards, before police arrived, according to the sheriff. Carney, the girl, recently graduated from a local high school and was enrolling at Southern Arkansas University in the fall to study nursing, the sheriff said. Everybody knows everybody (here), the sheriff said. It's just tragic. The corrections department is offering grief counseling to staff members and inmates at the prison in Homer, which is in north Louisiana and can house up to 1,244 inmates. Henderson had been an inmate at the prison since June 2001. He arrived there about a month after he began serving a 30-year prison sentence for convictions on charges of cocaine distribution, attempted armed robbery and aggravated burglary. Henderson had a potential release date of March 28, 2025, the corrections department said. The News-Star reported that Henderson pleaded guilty to a 1999 armed robbery at a Farmerville home where a 14-year-old girl and her mother were seriously wounded by gunfire during the robbery. In 2015, Henderson petitioned a judge for a reduced sentence, expressing remorse and highlighting his status as a first offender, the newspaper reported. In his petition, Henderson wrote that he had completed programs in prison to become a better person and said he had been a young man, running around with the wrong crowd at the time of his offenses. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Erratic Toshiba laptop Dear Webby, I just got a new Toshiba Satellite laptop and cannot do word processing without text being jumbled like the next sentence. It is frustrating. Help! I just got a ndo word proceing cannot ew Toshiba Satellite Thanx Jerry Since you are probably using a mouse anyway, cover that silly touch-pad with a piece of cardboard. That way your thumbs won't accidentally touch it and move stuff around. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Roland for this press release from Lutheran Airlines WE ARE PLEASED TO ANNOUNCE LUTHERAN AIR IS NOW OPERATING FROM DULUTH AIRPORT YA SHURE, YA BETCHA! DIS IS DA LATEST AIR SERVICE TO SPROUT UP IN MINNYSOTA. ALSO SERVING VISCONSIN, NORT AND SOUT DAKOTA. If you are travelin soon, consider Lutran (Lutheran) Air, da no-frills airline. You're all in da same boat on Lutran Air, where flyin is a upliftin experience. Dere is no first class on any Lutran Air flight. Meals are potluck. Rows 1-6, bring rolls; 7-15, bring a salad; 16-21, a main dish, and 22-30, a dessert. Basses and tenors! please sit in da rear of da aircraft. Everyone is responsible for his or her own baggage. All fares are by free will offering and da plane will not land 'til da budget is met. Pay attention to your flight attendant, who will acquaint you wit da safety system aboard dis Lutran Air 599. Okay den, listen up. I'm only gonna say dis vonce. In da event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, I am frankly going to be real surprised and so vill Captain Olson, because we fly right around twenty tousand feet, so loss of cabin pressure would probably mean da Second Coming or someting of dat nature, and I wouldn't bodar with doze liddle masks on da rubber tubes. You're gonna have bigger tings to worry about den dat. Just stuff doze back up in dair little holes. Probably da masks fell out because of turbulence which, to be honest wit you, we're going to have quite a bit of at twenny tousand feets, sort a like driving across a plowed field, but after a while you get used to it. In da event of a water landing, I'd say forget it. Start saying da Lord's Prayer and just hope you get to da part about forgive us our sins as we forgive doze who sin against us, which some people say "trespass against us," which isn't right, but what can you do? Da use of cell phones on da plane is strictly forbidden, not because day may confuse da plane's navigation system, which is seat of da pants all da way. No, it's because cell phones are a pain in da wazoo, and if God meant you to use a cell phone, He would have put your mout on da side of your head. We start lunch right about noon and it's buffet style with da coffee pot up front. Den we'll have da hymn sing; hymnals are in da seat pocket in front of you. Don't take yours wit you when you go or I am going to be real upset and I am not kiddin! Right now I'll say Grace. "Come, Lord Jesus, be our guest and ! let deze gifts to us be blessed. Fadar, Son, and Holy Ghost, may we land in Dulut or pretty close. Amen
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Spoons for an Impromptu Cooling Rack By NoRulesArt [40 Posts, 12 Comments] This is a great way to cool down a pan from the oven. My husband came up with this - AMAZING! He pulled 4 tablespoons out of the drawer turned them upside down and Voila! An instant rack for cooling. Works great if you don't own wire racks or if you don't have enough. By norulesart from Sunny Florida ____________________________________________________
Thank you Vietnam Vets
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand. There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement. Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are $20 bills falling out of that bag..." "Dang!" says the little old lady....."I'd better go back and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!" "Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get all that money?" "Did you steal it?" "Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the bushes, right into my flower beds!" "So, I go and stand behind the fence behind the bushes with a big hedge clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingy through the bushes, I clamp down and say: $20 or off it comes!" "Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck! By the way, what's in the other bag?" "Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay up." ___________________________________________________
This light dance performance is simply incredible!
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Betty for this story: Jennifer's wedding day was fast approaching. Nothing could dampen her excitement -- not even her parents' nasty divorce. Her mother had found the PERFECT dress to wear and would be the best dressed mother-of-the-bride ever! A week later, Jennifer was horrified to learn that her father's new young wife had bought the exact same dress! Jennifer asked her to exchange it, but she refused. "Absolutely not. I look like a million bucks in this dress, and I'm ! wearing it," she replied. Jennifer told her mother who graciously said, "Never mind sweetheart. I'll get another dress. After all, it's your special day." A few days later, they went shopping and did find another gorgeous dress. When they stopped for lunch, Jennifer asked her mother, "Aren't you going to return the other dress? You really don't have another occasion where you could wear it." Her mother just smiled and replied, "Of course I do, dear. I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner the night before the wedding! And I'll be there early."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Nick the Dragon Slayer had a long-standing obsession to nuzzle the beautiful Queen's voluptuous breasts, but he knew the penalty for this would be death. One day he revealed his secret desire to his colleague, Horatio the Physician, who was the King's chief doctor. Horatio the Physician exclaimed that he could arrange for Nick the Dragon Slayer to satisfy his desire, but it would cost him 1,000 gold coins. Without pause, Nick the Dragon Slayer readily agreed to the scheme. The next day, Horatio the Physician made a batch of itching powder and poured a little bit into the Queen's brassiere while she bathed. Soon after she dressed, the itching commenced and grew intense. Upon being summoned to the Royal Chambers to address this incident, Horatio the Physician informed the King and Queen that only a special saliva, if applied for four hours, would cure this type of itch, and that tests had shown that only the saliva of Nick the Dragon Slayer would work as the antidote to cure the itch. The King quickly summo ned Nick the Dragon Slayer. Horatio the Physician then slipped Nick the Dragon Slayer the antidote for the itching powder, which he quickly put into his mouth, and for four hours, Nick worked passionately on the Queen's voluptuous and magnificent breasts. The Queen's itching was eventually relieved, and Nick the Dragon Slayer left satisfied and was touted as a hero. Upon returning to his chambers, Nick the Dragon Slayer found Horatio the Physician demanding his payment of 1,000 gold coins. With his obsession now satisfied, Nick the Dragon Slayer couldn't have cared less, and, knowing that Horatio the Physician could never report this matter to the King, shooed him away with no payment made. The next day, Horatio the Physician slipped a massive dose of the same itching powder into the King's shorts. The King immediately summoned Nick the Dragon Slayer.

Today, on Aug 1, in
1498 Christopher Columbus landed on "Isla Santa" (Venezuela). 

1774 Oxygen was isolated from air successfully by chemist Carl
Wilhelm and scientist Joseph Priestly. 

1834 Slavery was outlawed in the British empire with an
emancipation bill. 

1873 Andrew S. Hallidie successfully tested a cable car. The
design was done for San Francisco, CA. 

1893 Shredded wheat was patented by Henry Perky and William

1894 The first Sino-Japanese War erupted. The dispute was over
control of Korea. 

1914 Germany declared war on Russia at the beginning of World
War I. 

1936 Adolf Hitler presided over the Olympic games as they opened
in Berlin. 

1943 In the Solomon Islands, the U.S. Navy patrol torpedo boat
PT-109 sank after being hit by the Japanese destroyer Amagiri.
The boat was under the command of Lt. John F. Kennedy. Eleven of
the thirteen crew survived. 

1944 In Warsaw, Poland, an uprising by Jews against Nazi
occupation began. The revolt continued until October 2 when the
Jewish forces surrendered. 

1946 In the U.S., the Atomic Energy Commission was established. 

1957 The North American Air Defense Command (NORAD) was created
by the United States and Canada. 

1973 The movie "American Graffiti" opened. 

1975 The Helsinki accords pledged the signatory nations to
respect human rights. 

1995 Westinghouse Electric Corporation announced a deal to buy
CBS for $5.4 billion. 

2006 Cuban leader Fidel Castro turned over absolute power when
he gave his brother Raul authority while he underwent an
intestinal surgery.

2017  smiled.

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Tape to DVD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, July 31

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed 
a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel
Today, July 31 in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the 
Western Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ We are the people our parents warned us about. --- Jimmy Buffett ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A couple phoned a neighbor to extend birthday greetings. They dialed the number and then sang "Happy Birthday" to him. But when they finished their off-key rendition, they discovered that they had dialed the wrong number. "Don't let it bother you," said a strange but amused voice. "You folks need all the practice you can get." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A cowboy rode into town and stopped at the saloon for a drink. Unfortunately, the locals always had a habit of picking on newcomers. When he left the bar some time later, he realized that his horse had been stolen. The cowboy rushed back into the bar, handily flipped his gun into the air, caught it above his head without even looking, and then fired a shot into the ceiling. "Who stole my horse!" he yelled with surprising forcefulness. No one answered. "I'm gonna have another beer and if my horse ain't back outside by the time I'm finished, I'm gonna do what I did back in Texas. And let me tell you, I don't wanna have to do what I did back in Texas!" Some of the locals shifted restlessly. The cowboy had another beer, then walked outside to find his horse was back. So, he saddled up and prepared to ride out of town. The bartender wandered out of the bar and said, "Say partner, what happened in Texas anyway?" The cowboy turned back and said, "I had to walk home!" ______________________________________________________ Double _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tevin Quayshawn Williams, 19, Charlotte, North Carolina NC teen arrested after he kidnapped, raped, robbed a couple of tourists, who were walking to hotel A couple who was visiting Charlotte were reportedly kidnapped, robbed and sexually assaulted by a teenager who was later arrested, according to Charlotte-Mecklenburg Police. Police say the couple was returning to their hotel in uptown Charlotte early Thursday morning and was walking along the 200 block of E. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard when they were approached by a man with a gun. That man, later identified as 19-year-old Tevin Quayshawn Williams, then forced the couple into an alley, bound the man and sexually assaulted the woman. He then reportedly robbed the couple and ran from the scene. He reportedly took their clothes, cellphones and wallets when he left. The couple, according to police, were able to run to a nearby hotel and call 911. Officers say they were able to provide a “very detailed” description of the man. Officers in the area began searching for the man with the police helicopter and K9 units. They later spotted him near Trade and Tryon streets in uptown Charlotte and say he appeared to be trying to avoid officers. He was arrested around 2:30 a.m. Thursday morning. Williams was charged with two counts of first-degree rape, three counts of first-degree sex offense, two counts of first-degree kidnapping, two counts of armed robbery, and possession of a stolen firearm. Arrest records show he was also charged with trespassing, resisting arrest, and urinating in public. Investigators say Williams was recently released from prison on a string of robberies from 2015. Just days ago police investigated a murder at an apartment in uptown. The CMPD offered a piece of advice for anyone traveling throughout the city. “Anytime you’re anywhere walking around at night you should always be aware of your surroundings and that goes without saying,” said Capt. Dave Johnson. Just being aware of the robbers and rapists in Charlotte won't help anybody. Being heavily armed and travelling in large groups might be more helpful. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Laura Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, Thanks for your Humor letters -What a great way to start my day! Since you know so much about computers, I hope you have an answer for this question. I have some old cassette tapes (no longer available for purchase) that I'd like to use my computer to burn onto a CD. Is there an easy way to do this? Thanks, Laura Dear Laura Yes, there sure is. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with google. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Save the music in MP3 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby
An elderly couple came back from a wedding one afternoon and were in a pretty romantic mood. While sitting on their loveseat, the elderly woman looked at her companion and said, "I remember when you used to kiss me every chance you had." The old man feeling a bit obliged leaned over and gave her a peck on the cheek. Then she said, "I also remember when you used to hold my hand at every opportunity." The old man again feeling obligated reached over and gently placed his hand on hers. The elderly woman then stated, "I also remember when you used to nibble on my neck and send chills down my spine." This time, the old man had a blank stare on his face and started to get up off the couch. As he began to walk out of the living room, his wife asked, "Was it something I said, where are you going?" The old man looked at her and replied, " I'm going im de odder room do gep my teef!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood and is easy to find in your toolbox. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
A Penny For Your Thoughts
____________________________________________________ An old Sailor and an old Marine were sitting at the VFW arguing about who'd had the tougher career. "I did 30 years in the Corps," the Marine declared proudly, "and fought in three of my country's wars. Fresh out of boot camp I hit the beach at Okinawa, clawed my way up the blood- soaked sand, and eventually took out an entire enemy machine gun nest with a single grenade. "As a sergeant, I fought in Korea alongside General MacArthur. We pushed back the enemy inch by bloody inch all the way up to the Chinese border, always under a barrage of artillery and small arms fire. "Finally, as a gunny sergeant, I did three consecutive combat tours in Vietnam. We humped through the mud and razorgrass for 14 hours a day, plagued by rain and mosquitoes, ducking under sniper fire all day and mortar fire all night. In a firefight, we'd fire until our arms ached and our guns were empty, then we'd charge the enemy with bayonets!" "Ah," said the Sailor with a dismissive wave of his hand, "just routine shore duty, huh?" ___________________________________________________
Standing above the clouds.
___________________________________________________ Jason went to a psychiatrist "Nobody listens to me!" The doctor yelled: "Next!" You got to be nuts to go to a shrink!
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: A golfer stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity. Looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man, you'll never hit her from here!"

Today, on July 31, in
1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western
Hemisphere, bumped into the island of Trinidad. 

1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his
process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was
used in fertilizer and gun powder. 

1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was
laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S.
government building. 

1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 

1928 MGM’s Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced
MGM’s first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 

1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a
series of cars under his name. 

1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria.

1948 U.S. President Truman helped dedicate New York
International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International
Airport) at Idlewild Field. 

1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the
youngest person to swim the English Channel. 

1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is
known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist

1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of
the moon's surface. 

1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a
lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 

1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 

1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape
reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William
R. Higgins. 

1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in the

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President
Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 

1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital
Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 

1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was
a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface. The
craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 

2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature length
films sold.

2017  smiled.

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Computer goes onto Standby 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, July 30

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing
Today, July 30 in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07 Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Dora When my brother was little, he had muscle problems and my parents enrolled him in physical therapy. The therapist would come and work with his legs, often using a large yoga ball. She recommended to my mother that she buy a yoga ball for my brother to use daily. So mom goes to Toys R Us, stops the first little stock boy she sees, who was probably no more than 16, and asks him, "Excuse me, do you have big balls?" I don't know that I've seen anyone turn that color red since! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." ______________________________________________________ Stuck on Sunday _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alexander Sperber, 25, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing A 25-year-old Florida man robbed a Fort Lauderdale bank, stripped naked while fleeing on foot and threw cash into the air in an effort to launch his comedy career, the FBI says. Sperber told the teller he had a gun, pointed his finger at her & stole about $4,700 before his comical flight from the scene Alexander Hayden Sperber has been charged with bank robbery and faces several years in prison, according to court documents from the U.S. Attorney’s Office for the Southern District of Florida. Sperber was arrested near the scene by Fort Lauderdale Police. The incident occurred in broad daylight in busy downtown Fort Lauderdale. He Told the FBI Agent He Woke Up Tuesday Morning & Decided to Rob the Bank to Launch His Career as a Comedian _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I don’t know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie Dear Katie Maybe your computer is hibernating ? Check the power options setting for that. If you have NEVER on that too, then you either have a hard drive problem, or an overheating problem due to too many dust bunnies in the case. Have FUN! DearWebby
A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained." The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Tater Tot Waffle Cheese and Bacon Sandwich By attosa [374 Posts, 1,793 Comments] Total Time: 12 minutes Yield: 1 huge sandwich that should probably be shared ;) Ingredients: 24 frozen tater tots, thawed 2 slices bacon 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese Steps: Preheat your waffle iron on high. Cut your bacon to fit in the sandwich. If you're using a big round Belgian press, you probably don't need to cut much. Cook them in a pan on both sides until crisp. Drain bacon and set aside. Place the thawed tater tots very close together in an even layer on the waffle iron. Close the lid and press it down. Cook until the tater tot waffle is crisp, about 5 minutes. My waffle maker seems to heat more on one side, so I like to flip them over and cook another few minutes to ensure they're super crisp. On one of the waffles, add half the cheddar cheese. Place cooked bacon on top of cheese. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Place the other waffle on top and press down the top of the iron. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until the cheese has melted. Serve! ____________________________________________________
Pilot lands Harrier Jet on stool when landing gear fails
____________________________________________________ "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________
A machine that prints short stories for you to read while you wait.
___________________________________________________ On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate. The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waitress delivered his drink, the scientist detained her for a moment and asked, "Can you give me an idea why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?" The waitress thought a moment, then said, "I think I can. You see, every morning at 5:30, the C&A Railroad comes through town and blows its big air horns at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up."

Today, on July 30, in
1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands
off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 

1619 The first representative assembly in America convened in
Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 

1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile
ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland,

1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the
first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to
use Technicolor. 

1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women
Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S.

1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine.
The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima
atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of
1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 

1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S.
national motto. 

1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act
that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the
following year. 

1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted
to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate
investigation and for abuse of power. 

1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the
Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 

1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off
the assembly line. 

1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio &
TV Tower. 

1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves
the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was
the largest-ever American lottery. 

2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three
consecutive Tours de France. 

2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled
off an assembly line. 

2017  smiled.

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Do not call regtistry 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, July 29

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid 
meth found in her car with 4-year-old
Today, July 29 in
1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA.  
See More of what happened on this 
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A poem is never finished, only abandoned. --- Paul Valery (1871 - 1945) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Four old timers were playing their weekly game of golf, and one remarked how for Christmas this year he'd love to wake up on Christmas morning, roll out of bed and without an argument go directly to the golf course, meet his buddies and play a round. His buddies all chimed in and said, "Let's do it! We'll make it a priority, figure out a way and meet here early, Christmas morning." Months later, that special morning arrives, and there they are on the golf course. The first guy says, "Boy this game cost me a fortune! I bought my wife such a diamond ring that she can't take her eyes off it." Number 2 guy says, "I spent a ton too. My wife is at home planning the cruise I gave her. She was up to her eyeballs in brochures." Number 3 guy says "Well my wife is at home admiring her new car, reading the manual." They all turned to the last guy in the group and he is staring at them like they have lost their minds. "I can't believe you all went to such expense for this golf game. I slapped my wife on the behind and said, 'Well babe, is it sex or golf?' and she said, "Take a sweater." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ >From Katie, apparently true occurrence: Here's a quote from a government employee who witnessed a recent interaction between an elderly woman and an antiwar protester in a Metro station in DC: There were protesters on the train platform handing out pamphlets on the evils of America. I politely declined to take one. An elderly woman was behind me getting off the escalator and a young (twentyish) female protester offered her a pamphlet, which she politely declined. The young protester put her hand on the old woman's shoulder as a gesture of friendship and in a very soft voice said, "Lady, don't you care about the children of Syria?" The old woman looked up at her and said, "Honey, my father died in France during World War II, I lost my husband in Korea, and a son in Vietnam. All three died so you could have the right to stand here and bad mouth our country. If you touch me again, I'll stick this umbrella up your stupid ass, and open it!" ______________________________________________________ Donegal, Ireland _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23, Laredo, Texas Woman, 23, arrested after $2 million in liquid meth found in her car with 4-year-old A speeding driver’s suspicious behavior during a late night traffic stop tipped off officers that there might be more to the situation that meets the eye, so they called in a sniffer dog. Austin police say their K9 unit, Emma, arrived to the scene in the 5400 block of North Interstate 35 last Wednesday and alerted her handler to the presence of drugs in the vehicle. Officers searched the SUV and found three jugs of Purple Power degreaser. Except, police say those jugs contained about $2 million worth of liquid crystal methamphetamine (about 75 pounds) instead of degreaser. The driver, Seline Lizbeth Ayala, 23 of Laredo, was arrested and faces federal drug trafficking charges. Austin police say there was also a 4-year-old in the car as well. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Honor Re: Do Not Call registry Dear Webby, Do you happen to have among your famous facts, the information I need to get on the US 'don't call, don't email' list? I've moved fairly recently and haven't gotten signed up for that on my new numbers and addresses. I hope it isn't too late to do this! I always read your tips...don't always understand them... but some I just print off for future reference, like after I'm smarter! Thanks for all you do for your subscribers! Honor Dear Honor The US DO-NOT-CALL registry is at There is no Do-NOT-EMAIL registry. Just use MailWasher, and nuke the mail from the bastids, unseen, like most of us do. Have FUN! DearWebby
A woman went to see her lawyer, taking with her a baby and four children under the age of five. "I want a divorce," she said. "On what grounds?" he asked. "Desertion, sir," she said. "Desertion?" he asked, looking at the five young children. "Well," she confided, "he does come home every now and then to apologize."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Keep Pen Ink From Leaking in Your Purse A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?" ____________________________________________________
When you can walk away from this, you know there's a purpose for your life!
____________________________________________________ A Baptist preacher and his wife decided they needed a dog. Ever mindful of the congregation, they knew the dog must also be Baptist. They visited an expensive kennel and explained their needs to the manager, who assured them he had just the dog for them. The dog was produced and the manager said, "Fetch the Bible." The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the manager. The manager then said "Find Psalms 23". The dog, showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed thru the Bible, found the correct passage, and pointed to it with his paw. Duly impressed, the couple purchased the dog. That evening a group of parishioners came to visit. The preacher and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were amazed. Finally, one man asked, "Can he do normal dog tricks too?" "Let's see" said the preacher. Pointing his finger at the dog, he commanded "Heel!" The dog immediately jumped up on a chair, placed one paw on the preacher's forehead and began to howl. The preacher turned to his wife and exclaimed "Good grief, we've bought a Pentecostal dog!" ___________________________________________________
Being a storm chaser has to be exciting with a big adrenalin rush. Check out some of his other photos.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for bringing back this classic: "It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ The surrogate and the photographer The Heberts were unable to conceive children, and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Hebert kissed his wife and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon". Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer rang the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. Good morning madam. I've come to...." "Oh, no need to explain. Come in," Mrs. Hebert cut in. "Really?" the photographer asked. "Well, good! My specialty is babies." "That's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat." After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?" Photographer - "Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room floor is fun too. You can really spread out!" Wife - "Bathtub, couch, bed, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for my husband and me." Photographer - "Well, madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But! if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results." Wife - "My, my, that's a lot of...." Photographer - "Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed with that, I'm sure." (Wife muttering)- "Don't I know it." The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus." Wife - "Oh my goodness!" Photographer - "And these twins turned out exceptionally well, when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with." Wife - "She was difficult?" Photographer - "Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep, pushing to get a good look." Wife - "Four and five deep?" (eyes wide in amazement). Photographer - "Yes, and for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate! Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just packed it all in." Wife (leaning forward) - "You mean they actually chewed on" Photographer - "That's right. Well, madam, if you're ready, I'll set up my tripod so that we can get to work." Wife - "Tripod?" photographer - "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big for me to hold very long. Madam? Madam? Good Lord, she's fainted!"

Today, on July 29, in
1588 The English defeated the Spanish Armada in the Battle of

1754 The first international boxing match was held. The 25-
minute match was won when Jack Slack of Britain knocked out Jean
Petit from France. 

1773 The first schoolhouse to be located west of the Allegheny
Mountains was built in Schoenbrunn, OH. 

1874 Major Walter Copton Winfield of England received U.S.
patent for the lawn-tennis court. 

1914 The first transcontinental telephone service was
inaugurated when two people held a conversation between New
York, NY and San Francisco, CA. 

1940 John Sigmund of St. Louis, MO, completed a 292-mile swim
down the Mississippi River. The swim from St. Louis to
Caruthersville, MO took him 89 hours and 48 minutes. 

1950 Disney's adaptation of Robert Louis Stevenson's "Treasure
Island" was released. 

1957 The International Atomic Energy Agency was established. 

1958 The National Aeronautics and Space Administration (NASA)
was authorized by the U.S. Congress. 

1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirmed the Roman Catholic Church's stance
against artificial methods of birth control. 

1975 OAS (Organization of American States) members voted to lift
collective sanctions against Cuba. The U.S. government welcomed
the action and announced its intention to open serious
discussions with Cuba on normalization. 

1981 England's Prince Charles and Lady Diana Spencer were

1985 General Motors announced that Spring Hill, TN, would be the
home of the Saturn automobile assembly plant.

1993 The Israeli Supreme Court acquitted retired Ohio autoworker
John Demjanjuk of being Nazi death camp guard "Ivan the
Terrible." His death sentence was thrown out and he was set

1997 Minamata Bay in Japan was declared free of mercury 40 years
after contaminated food fish were blamed for deaths and birth

1998 The United Auto Workers union ended a 54-day strike against
General Motors. The strike caused $2.8 billion in lost revenues.

2005 Astronomers announced that they had discovered a new planet
(Xena) larger than Pluto in orbit around the sun.

2017  smiled.

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