Dear Webby: Update for Microsoft Office PowerPoint Viewer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 30, 2008

The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others. --- Bertrand Russell
A mother and a daughter are shopping in the mall, when the mother eyes an expensive fur coat. "This year," she says, "I think that I will buy my present instead of making you and Dad shop for me." The daughter nods in agreement. "And I think this fur coat would be perfect too." The daughter protests, "But Mom, some helpless, poor, dumb creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey," says the mother. "Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks."
Thanks to Wendy for this story: Little Johnny and his Dad were in the park one day when Johnny spotted two dogs mating furiously. Little Johnny stared at the dogs a while and then turned to his Dad and asked what the dogs were doing. "Well, Johnny," his Dad replied hesitantly, "they are making puppies." Little Johnny looked back at the dogs for a second, deep in thought, then ran off to play on the swings. A few weeks later Johnny walked in on his parents when they forgot to latch the lock, and they were going after it pretty wildly themselves. Johnny tapped his Father on the shoulder and asked, "Daddy, what are you and Mommy doing?" "Well, Johnny," his Dad replied out of breath, "we are making a baby." Johnny thought about it for a moment and said excitedly "Dad, turn her over! I'd much rather have puppies."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tom Mueller, 36, from Eisingen, Germany Kidnap charge for wanna-be romeo A lovestruck German banker allegedly staged the kidnap of a workmate - and then rescued her so she'd fall for him. Tom Mueller, 36, from Eisingen, was desperate for his 30-year-old colleague to fancy him but thought he didn't stand a chance. Police say he broke into Tanja Schulze's home in the middle of the night and told her that he was the boss of a ruthless kidnap gang. Wearing a mask and speaking English to disguise his voice, Mueller allegedly tied her up and put a bag on her head while he ransacked her home for four hours. Then he rang the doorbell, ripped off his mask, and rushed into the house to rescue her claiming he'd frightened off the gang. But police say they found Miss Schulze's purse - supposedly stolen by the gang - in his pocket. Now the hapless Romeo is facing kidnapping, unlawful entry, and theft charges over his stunt.
A friend and I were standing in line at a fast-food restaurant, waiting to place our order. There was a big sign posted. "No bills larger than $20 will be accepted." The woman in front of us, pointing to the sign, remarked, "Believe me, if I had a bill larger than $20, I wouldn't be eating here."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Update for Microsoft Office PowerPoint Viewer Dear Webby; Security Update for Microsoft Office PowerPoint Viewer Got this update the other day and installed it. Said it was succsesful. Now here is the problem it keeps coming back up to install it again. Every time I reboot it gets installed. Found out it has been installed 14 times and it's back to install it again. How the hell do I stop it or get rid of it? Mike Dear Mike I use Open Office and don't need the Microsoft PPT viewer. That Microsoft Office PowerPoint Viewer update might be fake. Try UN-installing it, and then run a good virus scan. It is also possible that you got infected with SP3. It causes weird and unpedictable problems on SOME computers. In some cases, SP3 can be un-installed. Have FUN! DearWebby

At a dinner party, several of the guests were arguing whether men or women were more trustworthy. "No woman," said one man, scornfully, "can keep a secret." "I don't know about that," answered a woman guest. "I have kept my age a secret since I was twenty-one." "You'll let it out some day," the man insisted. "I hardly think so!" responded the lady. "When a woman has kept a secret for thirty years, she can keep it forever."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Plastic Spatulas Over time, the edges of plastic spatulas get dull and rough. Sharpen the rough edge by sanding them with an emery board or scraping them with the edge of a sharp knife. You can also do this to wooden spatulas. Visit ThriftyFun For More Kitchen Tool Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... _1194.html If you have kids, they love sharpening and truing them on the side of a concrete block or the sidewalk. For blackened wooden spoons, while some people are proud of the shiny patina, if you don't want the memory of a Thousand stews bleeding into a cake topping, you can quickly get down to bare wood with coarse steel woool. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Thanks to Cookie for this story: One hot summer day, Linda came to town with her dog, tied it in the shade of a tree, and headed into a restaurant for something cold to drink. Twenty minutes later, a policeman entered the restaurant and asked, 'Who owns the dog tied under that tree outside? Linda said it was hers 'Well, your dog seems to be in heat' the officer said. The blonde replied, 'No way. She's cool 'cause she's tied up under that shade tree. The policeman said, 'No! You don't understand. Your dog needs to be bred.' 'No way,' said the blonde. 'My dog doesn't need bread. She isn't hungry 'cause I fed her this mornin.' The exasperated policeman said, 'NO! You don't understand. Your dog wants to have sex!' Linda looked at the cop and said, 'Well ok, go ahead. I always wanted a police dog.'
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Master Crayon Artist
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Register Antivirus XP 2008 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 29, 2008

A liberal is someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money. ---G Gordon Liddy If you don't read the newspaper you are uninformed, if you do read the newspaper you are misinformed." --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Liz for this story: We had made some changes in our lives. My husband had lost 50 pounds and after eight years of being a housewife, I had taken a job in a restaurant. When I returned home after my first day at work, I gave my husband a big hug. He seemed to cling to me longer than usual. "Did you really miss me that much today, dear?" I asked. "No," came the reply. "But you smell so much like pancakes that I hate to let you go."
After volunteering to fight for his country in WW II, Zimmerman joined his unit and lined up for his uniform. As equipment was issued in strict alphabetical order Zimmerman found himself at the back of the queue. By the time he reached the desk all the uniforms had been issued. There were none left. Zimmerman was issued with a badge that said "soldier" in red letters."You didn't want a scratchy old uniform anyway," the quartermaster said. "Join the line for your rifle." Zimmerman joined the back of the rifle queue. When he reached the front Zimmerman found that all the rifles had been distributed and then, once again, there were none left. "You don't want to kill people anyway," said the quartermaster. "I'll issue you with a stick and you can shout Bang Bang!" "Thank you," said Zimmerman, and joined the queue for bayonets. "Join the line for your bayonet." Once again, on reaching the desk Zimmerman was disappointed. The quartermaster issued him with a lollipop stick with the advice that he should shout "Sticky-sticky" when using it.....And so on. Within weeks Zimmerman found himself on the front lines shouting "Bang-bang" for all he was worth. On his second day the German enemy began a mass advance. One by one Zimmerman's unit were killed or wounded until only Zimmerman himself remained standing. "Bang-bang!" he shouted, and was amazed to see his German foes still falling. Soon they began to overwhelm his trench and Zimmerman began to stab wildly with his lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky. Sticky-sticky." Astoundingly it worked. The enemy were dying at his feet. The survivors began to retreat. All, that is, with the exception of one man who was only half way across no-man's land and was still advancing slowly. Zimmerman took careful aim with his stick-rifle and calmly said; "Bang-Bang." The enemy soldier continued his advance. "Bang-bang, bang-bang, bangedy-bang-bang-bang," Zimmerman yelled frantically. Still he came. Before he could reach the trench Zimmerman leapt up and ran at him with the lollipop stick. "Sticky-sticky, he said. And then added "Stab-stab-stab," for good measure. The enemy soldier refused to die and stared at Zimmerman defiantly. By now Zimmerman had had enough. "Wait a minute, " he said. "When I shouted 'Bang' your comrades died, but not you. When I engaged them in hand-to-hand combat with my lollipop stick they fell over dead, but not you. What gives?" "Clankety-Clank, I'm a tank, " said Herr Zanker.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Arnold Gerber, 28, from Altenkirchen, Germany Farmer's 175 mile trip - by combine A German farmer caused traffic chaos after setting off on a 175-mile trip to visit a pal - in a combine harvester. Arnold Gerber, 28, from Altenkirchen, set off in the evening to avoid heavy traffic but soon caused a five mile tailback himself. He was stopped by police 30 miles into his journey and fined for driving too slowly - at the harvester's top speed of 15mph. Gerber said: "I took the combine harvester because I have never had a licence for a car, only a tractor. I did not think I would be doing anything wrong. "I have a friend who lives a long way away and he asked if I wanted to go and see him. I have been driving combine harvesters for years and have to take them along some roads now and again. "I know they are slow-moving vehicles but I thought I could miss most of the traffic by travelling at night. I was wrong." ---------- Obviously not the kind of combines you see thundering down the highways around here!
A little girl runs out to the backyard where her father is working and asks him, "Daddy, what's sex?" Her father sits her down and tells her all about the birds and the bees. He tells her about conception, sexual intercourse, sperms and eggs. He goes on to tell her about puberty, menstruation, erections, and wet-dreams. He covers a wide and varied assortment of sub topics and by the time he's finished, his daughter is somewhat awestruck with this sudden influx of bizarre new knowledge. Her father finally asks: "So why did you want to know about sex?" "Oh, mommy said to tell you lunch would be ready in a couple of secs."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: Register Antivirus XP 2008 Dear Webby; I have been infected by "Register Antivirus XP 2008" I tried System Restore but it is frozen on today's date. Every program I start it takes over and starts a "free scan" of my computer. It says I am in a "Critical Security Problem" Its windows keep popping up with a security warning. How can I get back to where I can navigate and get rid of this? I removed it from "add or remove programs" but its still there. HELP Hank Dear Hank That is the same as the Antivirus XP 2008, that I wrote about on Sept 7 and Sept 9. Jerome told me: The most effective way of removing Antivirus 2008 is to have a professional do it, as there are 127 registry tweaks, and numerous files to clean out, run Hijack and verify all the data, then the most effective of all the scanners in its detection and deletion is A Squared http://snipurl.com/3og2i. A Squared is a good piece of software, but once it has done it’s job, remove it, as it becomes a resource hog. Jerome After that, it would be a good idea to get some decent protection. You can't do a normal install of any of the top anti-virus and anti-malware programs, wile your machine is infected by Antivirus XP 2008. So, first clean up, then protect the machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

A little girl had just finished her first week of school. "I'm just wasting my time," she said to her mother. "I can't read, I can't write and they won't let me talk!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Designate an Area In Your Fridge for Leftovers Leftovers usually need to be used first so create a space on the top shelf of your fridge just for leftovers. Also, try to use clear tupperware or glass jars for leftovers so you can see what is in them at a glance. Visit ThriftyFun For More Leftover Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_951.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

I took my daughter to the doctor for her 2-year-old checkup. They had her do coordination tests, like stacking blocks, and they watch and see if they walk properly. And then the doctor said, "Allison, can you jump on one foot for me?" So she walked over and jumped on his foot.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Master Crayon Artist
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Files lost during file move 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 28, 2008

Emphasize the error, not the person committing it. --- Terri Lonier Who is rich? He that is content. Who is that? Nobody. --- Benjamin Franklin
A man was driving recklessly down the interstate one day and his girlfriend in the passenger seat was getting very upset. When the man finally realized that she was not happy with his driving and said, "Baby I'm sorry for driving so recklessly; I should be more careful when I have precious cargo!" The girlfriend looked at him and said, "Oh, that's so sweet baby!" "Yeah, those golf clubs in the trunk cost a mint!" He is walking with a limp these days. And alone.
There was a guy telling his friend that he and his wife had a serious argument the night before. "But it ended," he said, "when she came crawling to me on her hands and knees." "What did she say?" asked the friend. The husband replied, "She said, 'Come out from under that bed, and fight like a man, you coward!'"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Silvretta Lake, one of the oldest hydro dam lakes.The green water is "glacier milk", loaded with minerals and metals like a super concentrate of nutritional supplements. It tastes quit ok, but definitely not like bland city water.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Evans, 46, from Boulder, Colorado Unlucky, or just dumb cyclist? A US cyclist was knocked down by a car and a train in separate accidents within six hours of each other. Unlucky Robert Evans, 46, from Boulder, Colorado, was first hit by a car in a hit-and-run incident. Mr Evans was taken to hospital but later released, reports Metro. He was on his way back to town when he was hit by a train while he was walking his bicycle across a railroad bridge. He was later found in a creek and again taken to hospital, but his injuries were not life-threatening. To add to his woes, Evans faces a ticket from police for trespassing on the rail bridge which is not open to pedestrians.
One day a professor was giving a big test to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over, the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. This student got back his test and $64 change.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carrie Re: Files lost during file move Dear Webby, I moved a bunch of pictures from my attachments/downloads directory to my Landscapes directory, or tried to. On the way, I accidentally bumped the mouse against my coffee mug, and the files were gone. They are neither where the were before, nor where they were supposed to go. Help! Carrie Dear Carrie Relax. The files are not gone, just in the wrong place. Look in the email or IM, by which you received them, for the name of one of them. Then click on START, SEARCH, and paste that file name. The SEARCH will find the location. All of them will be there. Then you can complete the move from there to the proper destination. Have FUN! DearWebby

The Prussian Army's scheme of classifying recruits: They classified them on two axes: smart vs. stupid, and industrious vs. lazy. Smart + lazy became commissioned officers. Smart + industrious became non-commissioned officers. Stupid + lazy became cannon fodder. Stupid + industrious were taken out back and shot before they did any damage.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 inch squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens Visit ThriftyFun For More Pest Control Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Pest%20Control_705.html Slugs don't like coarse sawdust from chainsaws either. Some woods, like for example cedar, also drive off moths and many different bugs. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

I have five siblings, three sisters and two brothers. One night I was chatting with my Mom about how she had changed as a mother from the first child to the last. She told me she had mellowed a lot over the years: "When your oldest sister coughed or sneezed, I called the ambulance. When your youngest brother swallowed a dime, I just told him it was coming out of his allowance."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Asia Zoo Trail
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Need Cookies 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 27, 2008

In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is. --- Chuck Reid When a man's best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem. --- Edward Abbey
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same time. Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start doing instead of these things?" After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, I don't really know. I'll have to ask him when he gets out of jail."
Tech support people like me spend our days on the phone with customers. Many like to chat while waiting for their computers to reboot. One man told me he'd been a long-haul truck driver. I'd love to drive a big rig," I said, "but I'd worry about falling asleep at the wheel." "Here's a tip to stay awake," he offered. "Put a $100 bill in your left hand and hold it out the window."
Thanks to CC for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to twin sisters from Sweden attempting to get Darwin awards on England's M6 Freeway Sent in by Lillemor Suicidal Dingbats Motorway police have had to deal with two women spotted walking down the central reservation of the M6. The women, twin sisters from Sweden, ran in front of oncoming traffic after wrestling with the police. Video http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/7636577.stm
Two men at a bar had been enjoying a few drinks for the past couple of hours and were pretty drunk when one of them notices a beautiful woman sitting in the corner. One says to the other, "Jeez, I'd really like to dance with that girl." The other man replies, "Well go ahead and ask her, don't be a chicken." The man approaches the lovely woman and says, "Excuse me. Would you be so kind as to dance with me?" Seeing the man is totally drunk the woman says, "I'm sorry. Right now I'm concentrating on matrimony and I'd rather sit than dance." So the man humbly returns to his friend. "So what did she say?" asks the friend. The drunk responded, "She said she's constipated on macaroni and would rather sh*t in her pants."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Roland Re: Cookies needed Dear Webby, I get this message: Your browser is set to refuse cookies. In order to sign on, you will need to reset the option in your browser to accept cookies. Then refresh your screen, re-enter your username and password and click Sign On to begin banking. What is it that causes this? This comes in when I log into my bank account: Roland Dear Roland That is typical with banks. They use cookies as if they were the photo ID cards staff wears at airports and in some industry. They use them to pass you between departments. That is why I have been saying for years that you shouldn't just nuke ALL your cookies, if you do banking and bill paying on-line. You can weed out the cookies with CrapCleaner, and just keep the good ones. But first, you got to allow your browser to allow cookies. With most browsers that is in Tools, Options. Have FUN! DearWebby

One evening, I went with my parents to a fancy restaurant. Dad was about halfway through his meal when he took a hard look at the potato, called the waitress over and said, "This potato is bad!" To my utter amazement, the waitress at this "5-Star" place, picked the potato up, smacked it, put it back on the plate, then told my Dad, "If that potato causes any more trouble, just let me know."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Small Handy Tool Box Put together a small tool box for making minor repairs around the house. Fill it with the essentials: hammer, screw drivers, a chisel, pliers, scissors, a small level, a tape measure and anything else you find yourself needing frequently. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Repair Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Repair_Home_1876_1884.html Add some retractable blade box cutters, so that you don't have to use kitchen knifes for stuff they are not designed for. Also add duck tape, electrical tape, Crazy Glue and Goop. Crazy Glue works great for gluing handles back onto cups, Goop is for gluing flexible items, including leather and vinyl. It also works great for shoe soles. Bachelors might also want to add a tube of Speed-Sew. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

When asked for her occupation, a woman charged with a traffic violation said she was a schoolteacher. The judge rose from the bench. "Madam, I have waited years for a schoolteacher to appear before this court," he smiled with delight. "Now sit down at that table and write: 'I will not pass through a red light' five hundred times!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Iconoclast Pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Tagged 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 26, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Thanks to Sandie for this story: Having grown up just outside New York City, I barely knew a cow from an ear of corn. Until, that is, I married a small town Ohio girl. While I was in seminary school, I had a temporary assignment at a church in a rural community. The day of my first sermon, I tried very hard to fit in. Maybe too hard. With my wife sitting in the first pew, I began my discourse, "I never saw a cow until I met my wife."
Thanks to Annette for this story: In the small Texas town of Mt. Vernon, Drummond's bar began construction on a new building to increase their business. The local Baptist Church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed right up till the week before opening when lightning struck the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, until the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the building's demise in its reply to the court. As the case made its way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork. At the hearing he commented, 'I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that does not.'
Thanks to Deelie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, W. Va. Farting around at the cop shop SOUTH CHARLESTON, W.Va. - A man has been charged with battery on a police officer for allegedly passing gas and fanning it toward a patrolman. Jose A. Cruz, 34, of Clarksburg, W. Va., was pulled over early Tuesday for driving without headlights, police said. According to the criminal complaint, Cruz smelled of alcohol, had slurred speech and failed three field sobriety tests before he was handcuffed and taken to a police station for a breathalyzer test. As Patrolman T.E. Parsons prepared the machine, Cruz scooted his chair toward Parsons, lifted his leg and "passed gas loudly," the complaint said. He was also charged with driving under the influence, driving without headlights and two counts of obstruction. ------------ Update: The prosecutor threw out the farting charge this afternoon, but all the other charges remain.
Thanks to Wendy for this story: Mr. Wilson comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck. I have great news. I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, Mrs. Wilson receives a telephone call from AEC (Atlanta Electric Company) because the electricity bill has not been paid. "Am I speaking to Mrs. Wilson?" "Yes. Speaking." AEC guy, "You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the AEC guy. "What are you saying? It's in your files. HOW?" "Yes. We have a system of finding out who's overdue." "GOD! This is too much." "Madam, I am sorry. I am following orders. I have to inform you are overdue." "I know that. Let me talk to my husband about this tonight. He will speak to your company tomorrow." That night, she tells her husband about the call, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to AEC office the next day morning. "What's going on? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the lady at the reception at AEC, "It's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? And if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rose Re: Tagged Dear Webby, my friend just send me an invitation to join Tagged, what is it and is it safe.Thanks. I enjoy your news letter Rose Dear Rose Info about Tagged is at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tagged Rumors have it that Tagged is more fun than re-sorting the phone book numerically. Have FUN! DearWebby

A motorcycle patrolman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed appendix. The doctor operated and after the surgery advised him that all was well. However, in the recovery room the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs on his chest. Worried that it might be a second surgery the doctor hadn't told him about, he finally got enough energy to pull his hospital gown down so he could look at what was making him so uncomfortable. Taped firmly across his hairy chest were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off easily. Written in large black letters was the sentence... "Get well quick...from the nurse you gave a ticket to last week."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing a Large Area Rug Save old belts to use when storing or moving large area rugs. Roll up the rug and wrap a couple belts around it, using the belt buckles to secure the belt in place. The belts are great for preventing the rug from unrolling and also work as handles for moving the rug. Visit ThriftyFun For More Storage Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Five tips for a woman.... 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man loves you and spoils you. 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Those Old Westerns:
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Get rid off saved wrong password 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 25, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --- Doug Larson We seem to believe it is possible to ward off death by following rules of good grooming. --- Don Delillo
When I went to lunch today, I noticed an old lady sitting on a park bench sobbing her eyes out. I stopped and asked her what was wrong. She said, "I have a 22 year old husband at home. He makes love to me every morning and then gets up and makes me pancakes, sausage, fresh fruit and freshly ground coffee." I said, "Well, then why are you crying?" She said, "He makes me homemade soup for lunch and my favorite brownies and then makes love to me for half the afternoon." I said, "Well, why are you crying?" She said, "For dinner he makes me a gourmet meal with wine and my favorite dessert and then makes love to me until 2:00 a. m. I said, "Well, why in the world would you be crying?" She said, "I can't remember where I live!"
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Seen at Billetproof in Antioch
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Laura Marchesi in Parma, Italy Man fined for putting out wife's cat A man has been fined £400 for throwing his wife's cat out of the house for urinating in his briefcase. Laura Marchesi set animal rights campaigners on husband Allessandro for putting her cat Ivano out on the balcony. She contacted the Italian Animal and Environment Defence Association which found her lawyers specialising in similar cases. Mrs Marchesi told them she had found the cat shivering with cold and hungry after spending the night trying to get back into their Parma apartment. Now a court has ordered Mr Marchesi to pay his wife £400 for vets' expenses and emotional damage. Mrs Marchesi said: "I am so pleased with all the help from the lawyers. "I love my cat very, very much and what happened to it affected me deeply. It is only fair that I receive some compensation." No public announcements have been made yet as to what effect the row has had on the couple's relationship, but that is quite predictable. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3020418.html
Mr. Allen, a high-powered executive trying to impress a client in his office, flipped on his intercom switch and barked to his secretary, "Miss Hunter, get my broker!" The client was impressed until he heard the secretary's clear voice saying, "Yes, sir, stock or pawn?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Glenn Re: Wrong saved password Dear Webby, I sure enjoy your humor letter, and I really wish I knew where you get all the information that you so graciously pass along to us novices! I tried to sign in to a website, but used the wrong password. Now it is stuck in there, and as soon as I click on the site, it loads the name and password, tells me it is the wrong password, and kicks me back to square one. How can I remove that password and start over? Glenn Dear Glenn If the password is in the Windows password manager, you can edit them by clicking on START, RUN, and typing: rundll32.exe keymgr.dll, KRShowKeyMgr However, usually they are just in the browser. Firefox: Tools -->Options -- Security --> Passwords: unselect "Save passwords" Explorer: Tools --> Internet Options --> Content --> Autofill --> Settings: unselect "Usernames and passwords" If that doesn't help either, use CrapCleaner to weed out your cookies and dump the cookie for that site. Have FUN! DearWebby

A gushy reporter told Jack Nicklaus, "You are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What's your secret?" Nicklaus replied, "The holes are numbered".

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Faux" Hamburger Fool your finicky eaters with low-fat ground turkey. The trick, add some browning sauce to mixture as you are frying it. It turns the turkey browner, more like hamburger (and doesn't change the clean taste much at all!). Visit ThriftyFun For More Cooking Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me..... I know we've been friends for a long time..... but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know? -------------- If she had subscribed with her name or nickname, instead of leaving it blank like most AOLers, I would have greeted her every morning with her name.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Faces in places
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: XP computers available 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 24, 2008

Character is much easier kept than recovered. --- Thomas Paine Psychiatry enables us to correct our faults by confessing our parents' shortcomings. --- Laurence J. Peter
Thanks to Dave for this story: My mother has a "lead foot," so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires ! out?"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: This one bloomed today, second time this year. Philocactus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Sandra Meiser, 26, in Norf, Germany Bum Rap A bank robber was caught as she tried to raid the same branch twice - when a witness identified her by her big bum. Police say Sandra Meiser, 26, got away with a $22,000 robbery in Norf, western Germany, after threatening bank staff with a gun. Witnesses told officers that the raider was a woman with a "very large" backside and "powerful thighs". Then weeks later one witness found himself behind what he believes to be the same bottom as they stood in a queue at the same branch. "He called the police and they arrested her and found her ski mask and hand gun in her jacket. He said he recognised her bottom straight away - he'd never forget something that big," said one bank worker. Now Meiser is facing up to 10 years in jail on robbery and firearms charges while the 61-year-old witness has landed a $7,400 reward. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_3018786.html
St. Peter was at the pearly gates, making his usual list of names of people waiting to get into heaven. The first man walked up and Peter asked, "Who are you?" "It's me, Albert Jones," the voice replied. St. Peter took his name and let him in. St. Peter asked the second one the second same question, "And who are you?" "It's me, Charlie Anderson." St. Peter took his name and let him in. Finally he turns to the third, asking the same question, "Who are you?" "It is I, Vera Chapman," answered the third. "Oh, great," muttered St. Peter. "Another English teacher."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hubcap Re: XP computers Good Morning, Dear Webby I have been with sbcglobal since 2004 and haven't missed a Humor Letter yet....guess I have been one of the LUCKY ONE'S Another question...I am wanting to update to a newer system, but am a bit confused as to which Vista to get. I know they are all pretty bad, but probably better than my old Windows'. I have seen the Vista Home version, or something like that at most computer places I have been, but would rather find one with XP on it. Most places don't even talk about it any more, and is difficult to find with out paying an arm and a leg to get it installed. Any reasonable info, please. Hubcap Dear Hubcap SBCGLOBAL doesn't block the Humor Letter. The new Yahoo email clashes with Internet Explorer. As long as you can avoid updating the Yahoo email program, you'll be fine. Or if you use any browser other than IE. You will of course also be fine if you use a respectable POP email program. Re new computer, try Tiger Direct Business Entrance Lots of XP computers there. You just have to use the business entrance. The same with Dell. If you act like a gullible grannie, then all they show you is Vista. But go in the business door, and it's totally different. Businesses buy XP, Linux, ---- or the Vista Business that comes with XP installed and Vista on a shrink-wrapped CD, suitable to replace all those old mail-out AOL CD style beer coasters. Just in time too! Ours were getting rather scratched and shabby looking. Have FUN! DearWebby

Letters to a pastor **Dear Pastor, I know God loves everybody but He never met my sister. Yours sincerely, Arnold. Age 8, Nashville. **Dear Pastor, My father should be a minister. Every day he gives us a sermon about something. Robert, age 11, Anderson **Dear Pastor, My mother is very religious. She goes to play bingo at church every Thursday, even if she has a cold. Yours truly, Annette. Age 9, Albany **Dear Pastor, I would like to go to heaven someday because I know my brother won't be there. Chrissy. Age 8, Chicago **Dear Pastor, I think a lot more people would come to your church if you had free donuts. Lorreen Age 9. Tacoma **Dear Pastor, Please say a prayer for our Little League team. We need God's help or a new pitcher. Thank you. Alexander. Age 10, Raleigh **Dear Pastor, I liked your sermon on Sunday. Especially when it was finished. Ralph, Age 11, Akron

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tablecloths for Fabric If you sew, a great way to find cheap fabric is to look at garage sales for tablecloths. Even if they have a stain or two, there will be plenty of good fabric for you to use for other projects. Visit ThriftyFun For More Sewing Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Thanks to Sandie for this report: If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Sarah Palin" in the subject line, do not open it. Instead of pictures it will contain a virus. If you get an e-mail with "Nude Photos of Hillary Clinton", do not open it. It might contain nude photos of Hillary Clinton.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Autumn Foliage
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: SBCGLOBAL problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 23, 2008

Philosophers say a great deal about what is absolutely necessary for science, and it is always, so far as one can see, rather naive, and probably wrong. --- Richard Feynman
Thanks to Dianne for this story: (Yeah, we got elections in Canada too, just shorter campaign periods) A farmer finally decided to buy a TV. The store assured him that they would install the antenna and TV the next day. The next evening the farmer turned on his new TV and found only political ads on every channel. The next morning he turned the TV on and found only political ads again. When he came in to eat lunch he tried the TV again but still only found political ads. The next day when he still found only political ads he called the store to complain. The owner said that it was impossible for every channel to only have political ads, but agreed to send their repairman to check the TV. When the TV repairman turned on the TV he found that the farmer was right. After looking at the TV for a while he went outside to check the antenna. In a few minutes he returned and told the farmer he had found the problem. The antenna had been installed on top of the windmill and grounded to the manure spreader.

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 37 year old burglar in Dusseldorf, Germany. Drunk burglar Two Polish builders left a £50,000 trail of destruction when they drove to an off-licence booze vendor in a digger truck after running out of booze on the building site. Marek Cowalski, 27 and Tomasz Dzwonicki, 19, ploughed into parked cars, garden walls and fences and a set of traffic lights on their way to buy more drinks for a birthday binge on a building site in Glogow, south-west Poland. "No one tried to stop them because people were too stunned," said a local shopkeeper, "People just stopped on the spot and stared at them. "Who do they think they are making all that mess anyway? You could see they were drunk a mile off - the digger was zigzagging across the street." The sight of workmen drinking on construction sites is not uncommon in Poland as drinking laws are more lax. But police were forced to act when the boozy pair tried to reverse into a parking space outside the off licence - and drove straight into the shop and got stuck. Fire crews eventually managed to cut the dozy pair out and they were taken straight to jail, where they face up to five years for their stunt.
A guy goes to the supermarket and notices an attractive woman waving at him. She says hello. He's rather taken a back because he can't place where he knows her from. So he says, 'Do you know me?' To which she replies, 'I think you're the father of one of my kids.' Now his mind travels back to the only time he has ever been unfaithful to his wife and says, 'My God, are you the stripper from my bachelor party, who laid me on the pool table, with all my buddies watching, while your sister whipped my face with celery tops duck-taped to her boobs??? She looks into his eyes and says calmly, 'No, I'm your son's teacher.'
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vic Re: SBCGLOBAL problems FOR THE PAST FEW DAYS YOUR LETTER ARRIVES AS ALWAYS BUT IS TOTALLY BLANK EXCEPT FOR THE HEADINGS. THIS HAS NOT HAPPENED BEFORE-----------------ANY IDEAS? Dear Vic It's too bad you don't read the Tech Support Pits. I have long lost track of how many times I have mentioned that SBCGLOBAL treats their victims as if they were a bunch of silly yahoos, who don't deserve proper mail. To fool them, you have to hit REPLY, or FORWARD, as if you were going to show somebody how bad SBCGLOBAL is. THEN all of a sudden you can see the parts that they had been hiding from you. Another way around the tricks of the incompetent bozos at the moron farm is to use FireFox GoogleChrome Opera Maxton Safari as your browser. The bozos mess up only Yahoo Mail for Internet Explorer. They have not figured out yet how to mess up the other browsers. So, to read HTML newsletters, either hit REPLY, or use a different browser. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint himself. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he's paroled next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Record Driving Directions I use my car's cassette player to "read" directions for me. I make the tape ahead of time, and start and stop it as needed along the way. This is especially good if someone has given you directions to their home, etc. Visit ThriftyFun For More Helpful Hints http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_Helpful% ... 6_138.html Wow! I remember those! While it might be difficult nowadays to find a car with a cassette player, you can use a digital dictaphone for that. They look like a fat key-fob and you can hang them on the ignition key ring, or stick one of these potholder hooks onto the dash. They are sturdy enough that, for office use, you can tap them with your shoe to start or stop talking. You can most definitely slap them against the dash for that. They are from $15 - $50. Also considerably cheaper than an antique car with tape deck is a GPS, that will read you the turn by turn directions just before each turn. Those are from $69 and up. If I lived in a big, complicated city, I would definitely get one of those. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

With some misgivings, we left a young baby-sitter in charge of our three energetic youngsters. When we returned a few, hours later, she was sitting alone watching TV. I went to check on the children, and found them in our narrow hallway. By bracing their arms and legs against the walls, two of them had climbed up to the ceiling. "The baby-sitter taught us how," they said gleefully. The sitter joined me, her face a deep red. "Since they had me climbing the walls, I figured they might as well be too," she stammered.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Birth of a Hummingbird
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How to get out of being blacklisted 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 22, 2008
Happy Equinox!

Intelligence without ambition is a bird without wings. — Salvador Dalí
"Mom," said the little girl, "Is it alright to say you are going to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water?" "Yes," said her mother, "that is the correct thing to say." "Well then, I'm going to milk the cat."
Received this beautiful photo of Ålesund Norway as seen from the village of Måndalen. Best Regards,Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 37 year old burglar in Dusseldorf, Germany. Drunk burglar A burglar who pinched a bottle of expensive champagne to celebrate after stealing money and jewellery was caught after he parked his car to sleep it off. Police were called out by worried passers-by who saw the 37-year-old man slumped behind the wheel of a car at the side of the road in Dusseldorf, Germany. Officers who woke him up checked his ID and found he was wanted for a string of robberies. A police spokesman said: "The officers couldn't believe their luck when they found out who he was. "He even had the stolen goods from his latest burglary with him in the car. And we also got him for drunk driving as well."
"Guess what I heard today?" a man says to his wife. "What, hon?" she asks. "The mailman has seduced every woman on our block but one." "Huh," his wife says, "I bet it's that 96 year old snooty Phyllis next-door."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Get out of Blacklisting Dear Webby, You hit the nail right on the turnip! I have told my daughter the same thing dozens of time, but she figures she is so precious, that people don't mind that annoying verification nonsense and squinting at squiggly and hard to read letters. The silly bimbo even got herself blacklisted at the place where she works, and can't mail stuff she dos at home to her machine at work. She has to burn it onto CD, or use my computer and email. How can she get her home address off the company wide blacklist? Thanks Judy Dear Judy The first step is to stop that silly verification rigmarole. The second step is to get a new and different email address. She just has to write to her ISP and request a new address or an address change. That is normally free. Have FUN! DearWebby

A married couple was in a terrible accident where the woman's face was severely burned. The doctor told the husband that they couldn't graft any skin from her body because she was too skinny. So the husband offered to donate some of his own skin. However, the only skin on his body that the doctor felt was suitable would have to come from his buttocks. The husband and wife agreed that they would tell no one about where the skin came from, and requested that the doctor also honor their secret. After all, this was a very delicate matter. After the surgery was completed, everyone was astounded at the woman's new beauty. She looked more beautiful than she ever had before! All her friends and relatives just went on and on about her youthful beauty. One day, she was alone with her husband, and she was overcome with emotion at his sacrifice. She said, "Dear, I just want to thank you for everything you did for me. There is no way I could ever repay you." "My darling," he replied, "Think nothing of it. I get all the thanks I need every time I see your mother kiss you on the cheek."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discretionary Vs. Mandatory Spending When budgeting, separate mandatory expenses (like rent) from discretionary (like eating out). When times get rough financially or when you want to save money for something, you can start by eliminating discretionary expenses from your monthly budget. Visit ThriftyFun For More Tips On Saving Money http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_471.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Thibodeaux was driving his car past Boudreaux's house down by da bayou and saw a sign out front that read: "Boat For Sale". So Thibodeaux marches up to Boudreaux front porch and raps hard on the door. When Boudreaux opens it: Thibodeaux says, "Boudreaux! How long we ban frands? Boudreaux says, "Well.........All our lives,Thibodeaux." Thibodeaux says, "Why don't you told me you gotta boat?" Boudreaux says, "I ant gotta boat!" Thibodeaux says, "Da' sign say 'BOAT FOR SALE'." Boudreaux says, "OH-NO Thibodeaux! See dat old '72 Ford pickem'up truck over dare" Thibodeaux says, "Yas, I see dat old pickem'up truck" Boudreaux says, "See dat '76 Cheverlet see-dan" Thibodeaux says, "Yas, I see dat see-dan." Boudreaux says, "Well, dey boat for sale.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Georgia
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Losing email because of verification 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 21, 2008

Students achieving Oneness will move on to Twoness. --- Woody Allen I didn't really say everything I said. --- Yogi Berra
Thanks to Roland for this one: My daughter Lili was five when she received a foam CD holder with plastic sleeves for all her music CDs. I explained to her that CDs are sensitive to light and heat, so she should not leave the holder in the sun. During our home addition, the electrician was working in the backyard and Lili had gone to play in the sandbox, leaving her new CD holder on the patio table. My wife saw it and told Lili she was going to put it in the house. Lili stood up in the sandbox and said, "Mommy, put it where the sun don't shine!" The electrician had to take a break.
I know you put the Sacandaga sunset on earlier this week, but I took another last night and thought it even better than the other. Jim The Great Sacandaga Lake - sunset, Sept 20, 2008
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Wendy Brown, 33, of Ashwaubenon, Wisconsin Not acting her age GREEN BAY, Wis. (UPI) -- A 33-year-old Wisconsin woman assumed her 15-year-old daughter's identity so she could be a high school cheerleader, police allege. Police said Wendy Brown of Ashwaubenon allegedly told authorities she posed as her daughter at Ashwaubenon High School -- and even practiced with a cheerleading squad -- to rekindle high school memories, the Green Bay (Wis.) Post-Gazette reported. Brown's true identity was discovered during a truancy investigation initiated after the woman did not attend school after the first day. Since Brown allegedly used her teenage daughter's personal information, including Social Security card and birth certificate, to register for school, she faces a felony charge of identity theft. The newspaper said Brown was previously convicted of obstructing a police officer, burglary and deceptive practices and was arrested Sept. 3 on an unspecified misdemeanor charge. ------------------ If she had attended classes like she had signed up to do, she might not have been caught.
The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jill Re: Not getting all mail Dear Webby, I signed up with earthlink like you suggested. Except for them using clueless Taliban for support, everything works fine. But lately I am not getting all my mail and I am even losing all my newsletters. When I write for support, no matter where, I never get a reply. I use the email verification thingie, and I am sure people don't mind filling that out. So what is the problem? Jill Dear Jill The problem is you. People DO object to that silly email verification rigmarole, They dumped you. They no longer consider you as somebody to be included, when they send fun stuff to FRIENDS. The same of course also applies to all your newsletters. If you think that the people, who write newsletters, will hire somebody to fill out those silly email verification forms, then you need to hire a rutabega (very dense turnip) to tutor you. Support is the same, everywhere. Techs don't mind researching the problem and finding answers for you, but there is no second layer to wipe up baby drool and fill out email verification forms. You simply get blacklisted. Automatically. Get rid of that silly rigmarole, and change your email address to one that is not blacklisted. You also get excluded from any postcards. Postcard pick-up notices are sent out. Period. There is no baby-drool squad to fill out email verification forms. Often ANY autoresponder results in blacklisting. You probably don't, but some turnip brains have after hours autoresponders, telling people they won't be abusing their work machine for fun stuff until the next morning or Monday. Most people consider that a nuissance and will blacklist you, if their spam control doesn't automatically do that. Have FUN! DearWebby

Easy Quiz Questions --------------------- 1. What is 5 divided by 1/2 plus 3? 2. I have two coins making 55 cents but one is not a nickel. How can that be? 3. Why are 1977 dollars worth more than 1976 dollars? 4. What word in the English language does nearly everyone pronounce incorrectly? 5. In the United States is it legal for a man to marry his widow's sister? 6. How much dirt is there in a hole that measures two feet by three feet by four feet? 7. Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days; how many have 28? 8. Which is correct - eight and eight IS fifteen or eight and eight ARE fifteen? 9. A 10 foot rope ladder hangs over the side of a boat with the bottom rung at the surface of the water. There is one foot between rungs and the tide goes up at the rate of 6 inches per hour. How long until three rungs are covered? 10. Mr. and Mrs. Smith have six daughters and each daughter has one brother. How many people in the family?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Vacuum Your Sewing Machine Over time, particles of dust, pieces of thread and other debris can buildup inside your sewing machine and cause it to run poorly. Remove the thread, bobbin and face plate and vacuum out the inside of your sewing machine periodically. Visit ThriftyFun For More Craft Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Easy Quiz Answers ------------------ Well, it's supposed to be fun, not work! 1. 13. 5 divided by .5 = 10 + 3 = 13 2. Only one is not a nickel, because it is a 50 cent piece. The other is a nickel. 3. Because $1977.00 is more than $1976.00. 4. The word 'incorrectly'. 5. No. If he has a widow, then the man is dead and cannot marry anyone. 6. There is no dirt in a hole. 7. All the months. 8. Neither. Eight and eight equals SIXTEEN. 9. The rungs will never be covered because the boat rises with the tide 10. 9 family members total. 6 daughters, 1 brother, Mr. Smith and Mrs. Smith
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Unusual Nature & Floral Pix
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version






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Dear Webby: Clipboard 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 20, 2008

Perhaps in time the so-called Dark Ages will be thought of as including our own. --- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
"The body consists of three parts - the branium, the borax, and the abominable cavity. The branium contains the brain, the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abominable cavity contains the bowels, of which there are five - a, e, i, o, and u."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Muhammad al-Munajid, a Saudi Cleric Sent in by Deeli Scared of Mickey Mouse September 19, 2008 - Riyadh, Saudi Arabia - UPI A Saudi sheik has declared Disney animated icon Mickey Mouse "a soldier of Satan" who "should be killed in all cases." Islamic cleric Muhammad al-Munajid, a former diplomat who once served at the Saudi Embassy in Washington, said during an interview with al-Majd Television that Islamic law declares the mouse as "a repulsive, corrupting creature" and he condemned cartoons that glorify rodents, including Mickey Mouse, Ynetnews reported Tuesday. "Mickey Mouse has become an awesome character, even though according to Islamic law, Mickey Mouse should be killed in all cases," al-Munajid said. "The shari'a (Islamic religious law) refers to the mouse as 'little corrupter,' and says it is permissible to kill it in all cases. It says that mice set fire to the house, and are steered by Satan. The mouse is one of Satan's soldiers," he said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International ------------------------- Personally, I think he is just scared of mice and embarrassed that he shrieks and jumps onto the table, when he sees one, just like a lot of little girls do.
A university student was told by his dentist that he would have to have his wisdom teeth removed. Concerned about the expense, he consulted his roommate. "I'm not sure I can afford to have my wisdom teeth pulled," he complained. "I know," his friend replied seriously. "I've seen your SATs."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Robert Re: Where is the Clipboard Dear Webby, Of all the years I've used a Computer, I don't know what the Clipboard is used for nor can I locate it. I ran a test and they said it was posted to my clipboard and I should copy the results and paste the results when sending to my ISP. Where is it? I always appreciate the advice and daily Humor. Take Care & Thank You Dear Robert The clipboard is a scratch pad in RAM. If you highlight a paragraph and hit CTRL C, that paragraph is in the clipboad. When you hit CTRL V, whatever is in the clipboard is pasted wherever the cursor is. The clipboard is not limited to text. I can copy a picture in PSP, jump to the email and hit CTRL V. The picture is then pasted into the email. That might not work with all email programs, but with Eudora it has worked fine since about '93. The clipboard is also indispensable when you work in spreadsheets. Highlight a cell or range of cells, hit CTRL C to copy, drop down to a different layer in 3D layered spreadsheets, put the cursor where you want what you copied, hit CTRL V and it is pasted. You can copy / paste from email to spreadsheets or word processors or graphics programs or web page editors and back. All of that is handled by the clipboard. You can even hit PrintScreen and copy whatever is on the screen into the clipboard, for example a cute picture in a screen saver. Then jump to a graphics program, hit CTRL V and paste the screen capture as a picture. The clipboard is a one shot deal. Whatever you copied last, is in it. You can paste it as often as you want, UNTIL you copy something else. The moment you copy something else, the previous copy is gone, forever. The clipboard is just in RAM, not on your hard drive. To see what is in the clipboard, hit CTRL V to paste it. To erase that naughty picture that you had just copied and pasted elsewhere, copy a comma or period from some text. Yep, a single period will totally obliterate and replace a 5 MB picture. When you reboot or shut down, the clipboard also gets dumped. There are programs available that let you copy a whole series of shots, but they are memory hogs and usually not worth the hassle. Have FUN! DearWebby

Some people will bet on anything - as long as they're convinced it's a Sure Thing. One afternoon at the race track, an inveterate bettor of this sort, who was known to his buddies as "Sure Thing Sherm," noticed a Catholic priest entering the stable area with one of the owners. Shadowing them, our Sherman watched as the clergyman blessed a beautiful thoroughbred. When the horse next raced, it came in first! Paying close attention, Sherm began to realize that this happened quite often. After checking out this phenomenon very carefully for a few days, "Sure Thing" began betting only on horses that had been blessed; and he did very well. Finally, he decided he could risk his life's savings. He drew out everything he had, monitored the priest's comings and goings like a scholar, and put his entire wad on a longshot, to win. You guessed it: That particular horse not only did not win, he came in last - dead last. Horrified and heart-broken, Sherman sought out the priest and begged him to tell him what had gone wrong. The padre sighed, then explained: "Ah, what a pity. That's the trouble, you see, with not being able to tell the difference between a Blessing and the Last Rites."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fix Dings Before They Become Cracks You can save yourself from having to replace your car windshield down the road by getting dings repaired in a timely matter. If you have comprehensive auto insurance, these repairs may be covered and they often waive your deductible so the repair is essentially free. Visit ThriftyFun For More Auto Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cars_126.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Thanks to Darlene for this story: Two Newfies look at a Sears' Catalogue and admire the models. One says to the other: "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalogue?" The second replies. "Yes, they are darn beautiful! And look at the price!" The first says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they're not very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one." The second smiles and claps him on the back, "Good idea, order one and if she is as beautiful as in the catalogue, I'll get one too." Three weeks later, the Newfie asks his chum "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the Sears' catalogue?" The second replies, "No. But it shouldn't be long now.... I got her underwear yesterday!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Carribean Coral Reefs

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Sneaky SP3 install attempt  



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 19, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

An intellectual is a man who doesn't know how to park a bike. --- Spiro T. Agnew
The prospective father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture and letter from her friend Jamie: Here are a few more pics of the grizzly sow and cub I've been following around at Chilko. I also have two short videos posted on YouTube, see below for the links. They are a bit rough, as they were shot from a boat, but are still an entertaining glimpse into the life of a young grizzly family at Chilko Lake. Fishing Grizzlies http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1KmaJRaE_lc Fishing Grizzlies 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNggvdlnBRA Have a great one! Jamie
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Anthony Smith, 25, from Knoxville, California Sent in by Ross Agent Bozo got stuck The Associated Press | Thursday, Sep 18 2008 12:48 PM Last Updated: Thursday, Sep 18 2008 12:53 PM It wasn't the preferred way to enter the Knoxville Museum of Art, but Richard Anthony Smith told police he was on a mission. The 25-year-old Knoxville man called 911 from his cell phone before dawn Wednesday saying he was trapped in an air conditioning duct leading from the museum roof, Knoxville police spokesman Darrell DeBusk said. Police and firefighters reached the roof, found a rope and cable and followed them to a vent shaft. Peering inside, they spotted Smith about 45 feet down. "Mission failed," he told them. Hoisted up and read his rights, Smith told police he was a "special agent from the United States Illuminati, badge number 0931" and had rappelled onto the museum from a helicopter, a police report said. He said he was following orders to "defuse and confiscate" a Soviet-made nuclear warhead, specifically a "MERV6SS-22AN" warhead, according to the report. The bomb supposedly was hidden in a blue plastic cow sculpture in the museum basement, he said. However, Smith told officers his "agency" called while he was in the air-vent limbo to say it made a mistake and the bomb might be in a Memphis museum instead. Police charged Smith with aggravated robbery. He was being held on $2,000 bond at the Knox County Jail. Authorities said he did not have a lawyer.
Three guys from a mental institution were introducing themselves. The first guy says, "Hi, my name is Paul, from the Bible." The second guys says, "My name is Moses, God gave me the 10 Commandments." The third guy says, "I gave you WHAT????"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leesa Re: Sneaky SP3 install attempt Dear Webby, They have done it again. No matter how cautious I have been, SP3 sneaked in a download before I caught it. No, I hadn't had time to install the blocker. Anyway, it is sitting there in my task bar because my firewall wouldn't let it install. I have AMD Athlon, so know it will cause big problems for me that I don't want to have to deal with. My questions is how to I get rid of it now? I don't want to install it, then have to go to add/remove, if it even lets me do that. Have a good one. Havin' fun now Leesa Dear Leesa Install the blocker first. It's fast. So fast that you ill wonder if it really happened. Next, go one step into the install, and select CUSTOM. In there you can take the checkmark off SP3, and put a checkmark onto "Don't bug me about this stuff again", or something to that effect. Have FUN! DearWebby

The class assignment was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his, "Our neighbor Thelma fell in the well last week when she was chasing her dog with a big stick..." he began. "Good heavens," shrieked Mrs. Koop. "Is she all right now?" "She must be," said little Irving. "She stopped yelling yesterday."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Inexpensive Closet Organizer Plastic milk crates make great closet organizers for stacking clothing. The old sturdy milk crates are pretty hard to come by at this point, but you can purchase light weight plastic crates at the dollar store or department store that work just as well. Visit ThriftyFun For More Closet Organizing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_678.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

A young lady visited the government matchmaker for marriage and requested - "I'm looking for a spouse. Can you please help me to find a suitable one?" The marriage officer said, "Your requirements, please." "Well, let me see. Needs to be good looking, polite, humorous, sporty, knowledgeable, good at singing and dancing. Willing to accompany me the whole day at home during my leisure hour, if I don't go out. Telling me interesting stories when I need companion for conversation and be silent when I want to rest." The officer listened carefully and replied, "Hmmmm, I think I understand. You need a television."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: StunningCastles

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Sbcglobal Mail Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 18, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you. --- Bert Leston Taylor A philosopher is a sort of intellectual yokel who gawks at things that sensible people take for granted." --- Alan W. Watts
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A property manager of single family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes! Ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Thanks to Jim for this picture: Sunset on the Great Sacandaga Lake, New York
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Allen Young, 32, of Lancaster, California Cone zone to jail BY STEVE E. SWENSON, Californian staff writer Wednesday, Sep 17 2008 6:47 AM Last Updated: Wednesday, Sep 17 2008 2:18 PM A law-breaking past caught up with two Lancaster men in the cone zone Tuesday evening, the California Highway Patrol reported. David Allen Young, 32, was driving through a construction zone around 6:45 p.m. on Highway 58 near Comanche Road, allegedly going nearly 100 mph. Young swerved his 1991 Honda Prelude from the fast lane to the slow lane and began knocking over orange cones. Workers jumped out of his way, but one didn’t make it entirely out the way. Worker William Duford, 35, of Bakersfield, suffered minor leg injuries as he was struck. California Highway Patrol officer Greg Williams described Duford, a worker for Granite Construction Co., as "the luckiest man alive" for being able to avoid a more serious injury. Young lost control of his car and swerved into oncoming traffic before stopping. A nearby California Highway Patrol officer nabbed him as he was getting out of the car. Young was arrested on a charge of felony drunken driving, and his passenger, Alflie L. Ashmore, 41, of Lancaster, was arrested for public drunkenness, the CHP said. But then the officer learned that the two men have allegedly been involved in a strong arm robbery and assault in Tehachapi. The Tehachapi Police Department brought the robbery victim to the suspects and the victim identified them. So Young and Ashmore were also booked into jail on robbery and assault with a deadly weapon charge. Young’s bail is $96,000 and Ashmore’s is $77,000 but he also has a parole hold, jail officials reported.
A policeman is on scene at a terrible accident - body parts everywhere. He is making his notes of where the pieces are and comes across a head. He writes in his notebook: "Head on bullevard" and scratches out his spelling error. "Head on bouelevard" Nope, doesn't look right - scratch scratch. "Head on boolevard..." dang it! Scratch scratch. He looks around and sees that no one is looking at him as he kicks the head. "Head on curb."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: Sbcglobal Mail Problem Dear Webby my email address is ****51@sbcglobal.net..my husband and i both subscribe to the webby but for some reason for the last couple of weeks we have not received the jokes and pictures like we used to ...all we are getting is the left side of page .. the other side is blank and has nothing on it...as far as we know we have not done anything different than usual and nothing has been done to our computer...could u please email me back and let me know if there is something we can do to start receiving it like we used to...we miss the jokes and pictures.... thank u..darlene Dear Darlene That problem is not anything YOU did. It's because Sbcglobal treats you as if you were a silly yahoo, and pushes the content on Internet Explorer a few feet over to the right. According to them, all silly yahoos are left wingers. They don't need or deserve the content from the right side, right? There is a trick around sbcglobal's shenanigans, though. If you hit REPLY, as if you were going to show somebody how crappy the Sbcglobal.net mail is, then all of a sudden it becomes visible. You don't have to actually send the reply off. The threat alone is enough. Another trick is to use FireFox, Google Chrome, Opera, Maxthon, Safari or any browser other than Internet Explorer. Sbcglobal only messes with Internet Explorer. HTML mail shows fine on all the other browsers. Another solution is to get a better email service, like for example gmail. It is free too. If you want a referral to it, let me know. By the way, the old Humor Letters are archived at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have FUN! DearWebby

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~SOMETHING INTERESTING~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It was the accepted practice in Babylon 4,000 years ago, that for a month after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all the mead he could drink, so that he would not look at the wife too closely, before the marriage had become a habit. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar was lunar based, this period was called the honey month, or honeymoon.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Coconut Meat After cracking a coconut open and draining the liquid, bake the two halves in a 400 degree F oven for 25-30 minutes. The fresh coconut meat will come out very easily with a little help from a soup spoon. And your kitchen will have a tropical scent! Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips And Info http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

By nature Christians are the most forgiving, understanding and thoughtful group of people I've ever dealt with. They never assume the worst at the get-go, they appreciate the importance of having different perspectives, they're slow to anger, quick to forgive and almost never make rash judgments or act in anything less than a spirit of total love. "No, wait -- I meant Labrador Retrievers."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Big Picture
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com




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Dear Webby, what is an eBook ? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 17, 2008

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin Life's greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved. --- Victor Hugo
Thanks to Sandie for this story: On their 50th wedding anniversary, a couple summed up the reason for their long and happy marriage. The husband said, "I have tried never to be selfish. After all, there is no I in the word marriage." The wife said, "For my part, I have never corrected my husband's spelling."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to three teenagers in Baltimore Teens tried to rob undercover cop BALTIMORE (UPI) -- Three teenagers in Baltimore made a poor choice in victims when they allegedly attempted to rob a plainclothes officer, police say. Police said the teenagers lured the undercover officer into an alley with talk of a drug transaction and then tried to rob him, The Baltimore Sun reported. The officer, whose name wasn't released, showed his gun and grabbed one suspect but the other two got away. The 15-year-old suspect was charged with attempted armed robbery. The arresting officer had been working undercover as part of a drug investigation, the newspaper said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
"Miss Johnson, I was just going over this letter you wrote. Your typing is definitely improving. I see that there are only six mistakes here." "Why thank you, sir. I do feel as though I am getting better at this part of my job." "Now then, let's take a look at the second line."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: What is an eBook ? Dear Webby What exactly is an eBook? What do I need to read one? Some eBooks say they have a warranty? Does that mean I can read and copy one, and then get my money back? Wayne Dear Wayne eBooks are just books or magazines or courses in downloadable form. No trees are killed, and nothing is shipped by post or courier. You simply download the file. Almost all eBooks are in PDF format to ensure that everybody sees it in exactly the same way, no matter what kind of computer they have. To read them, you need a PDF reader like Foxit or Adobe Reader. You can get those free in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools You can read eBooks on your computer. There is no need to print them out, though you certainly can. You can even copy them onto your laptop or a CD. Giving a copy to a family member or close friend is generally OK too, but uploading it and selling it or giving it away, will land you in jail. The warranty on eBooks is the same as on a newspaper dispenser. If you don't receive it, you get your money back. But don't expect to get your money back, after you have read and possiby copied a newspaper or eBook. Newspaper dispensers and eBook downloaders work in only one direction. With eBooks, don't pre-judge it by the number of pages, any more than you would Cliffs Notes. Quite often somebody has gone through a LOT of work to condense a mountain of information into a concise study guide that is short enough, so that it does not surpass your attention span or overload you with unnecessary fillers, like paper books usually do. Have FUN! DearWebby

Confusion is one woman plus one left turn; Excitement is two women plus one secret; Bedlam is three women plus one bargain; Chaos is four women plus one lunch check.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cloudy Vases If your flower vases have a cloudy look or a white film buildup inside, try soaking them in white vinegar. It should remove the film. Also try to clean and dry them as soon as possible after using. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cleaning Tips By Clicking Here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

A man was sitting in a bar and noticed a group of people using sign language. He also noticed that the bartender was using sign language to speak to them. When the bartender returned to him, the man asked how he had learned to use sign language. The bartender explained that these were regular customers and had taught him to speak in sign. The man thought that was great. A few minutes later the man noticed that the people in the group were waving their hands around very wildly. The bartender looked over and signed "Now cut that out! I warned you!" and threw the group out of the bar. The man asked why he had done that and the bartender said, "If I told them once I told them 100 times - NO SINGING IN THE BAR!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Buyers Beware

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Erratic mouse 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 16, 2008

You never know how a horse will pull until you hook him up to a heavy load. --- Paul "Bear" Bryant,
A ladder was placed against the bedroom window of a burning house, and a young fireman rushed up. Inside was a curvy brunette in a see-through nightie. "Aha," said he, "You're the second pregnant girl I've rescued this year!" "But I'm not pregnant," indignantly exclaimed the brunette. "You're not rescued yet either."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to some residents of Eastrington, England sent in by Deeli Bonehead Tax EASTRINGTON, England (UPI) -- Residents of Eastrington, England, say the local council's plans to fine them $2,000 for parking in driveways with the wrong kind of curbs are "ridiculous." The owners of 12 houses on the village's Pinfold Street said they received letters from the council citing a 30-year-old law requiring their driveways to have "dropped" curbs that allow for easier access, the Daily Mail reported Wednesday. They said the letters threatened $2,000 fines if they continue to park in their driveways without correcting the curbs. "I just couldn't believe it when the letter arrived," said Ken Laverack, 61. "The council themselves put my drive in 20 years ago and now they're saying I can't use it. It's absolutely ridiculous, my car is just on the road now." Neighbor Adam Stroud agreed. "Why should we have to pay to have this work done to council property -- the footpath -- just so we can cross it to get to our private land?" he asked. A spokesman for East Riding of Yorkshire Council, which sent the letters, said the enforcement is aimed at reducing damage to roads. "Homeowners are able to apply for a properly constructed drop curb to provide vehicular access to property and many thousands of East Riding residents have followed this procedure," he said. Copyright 2008 by United Press International --------------------------------- A $2000 fine for failing to apply for a free dropped curb ? Is that a bonehead tax ?
A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend, "I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go with them to visit Aunt Helen."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Linda Re: Erratic cursor Dear Webby Often my cursor "flies" off the screen. Why is this happening? I recently had to have technical support to repair a problem and the tech gained control of my computer. Repairs were made but now I am faced with this problem. Any suggestions? I need help. Thanks Webby. Enjoy your website very much. Linda Dear Linda 99% of the time that problem is caused by the mouse, especially if it is an optical or laser mouse. Try cleaning the little glider pads under the mouse and then polish them by running the mouse hard over some scrap paper (not glossy or laser printed) After that, use regular white paper as a mouse pad. If that does not help, then you may have some virus infection. Have FUN! DearWebby

In a cafeteria : "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." (hand-written underneath) ~ "Socks can eat any place they want."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Benefits of Buying Used Cars Save on your next car purchase by buying used. One concern I hear is that they will require expensive repairs. Here's one way to look at it. If a new car costs you $35,000 (or more) and a 5 year old version costs $15,000, the difference in price leaves you a lot of room to make repairs. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Auto Buying Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_444.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Do you know about the support group for people who talk too much? It's called "On and On Anon."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: WWII Aviation Museum

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Email for easy picture sending 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 15, 2008

An ignorant person is one who doesn't know what you have just found out. --- Will Rogers Time sneaks up on you like a windshield on a bug. --- Jon Lithgow
Heard on a public transportation vehicle while in Orlando: "When you exit this vehicle, please be sure to lower your head and watch your step. If you fail to do so, please lower your voice and watch your language. Thank you."

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a flaky Vegetarian in Guetersloh, Germany Pigs traumatized by wacky driver A driver was so upset to see a truckload of pigs being taken to the slaughterhouse that she rammed another pig truck. The vegetarian animal lover swerved on the motorway - and hit another lorry full of live pigs on its way to the same abattoir. "The woman suffered little more than a fright - but we don't know anything about the state of the pigs' emotional health," said a police spokesman in Guetersloh, Germany.
Offerings had been down the past several Sundays and the preacher decided he had to do something to change the trend. The next Sunday, as the plate was being passed he said... "Brothers and Sisters, I don't like to have to do this, but there is a man in the congregation who is having an affair with another parishioner's wife, and if there is not at least five dollars in the collection box, I will reveal his name. Later, as he counted the money he found 50 five dollar bills, and a two dollar bill with a note that read "Forever hold your peace, I'll have that other three dollars before sundown.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Connie Re: Email for sending pictures Hi webby, I think I mentioned some time ago that I was purchasing a new Dell computer and now I'm like to ask a question in regards to the two programs you replied to Oscar, Pegasus and Eudora. I have approximately $100.00 left to pay on it abd since I'm not in business in any form other than killing cancer, would either of the two stated above be a good program for me other than OE... Too many hassels with OE in losing emails, especially when sending pictures to family and friends. After all these years of learning how to do different things with your instructions through reading the daily Tech Support Pits, {and I'm sure I've missed quite a few instructions when being so sick and not on the computer, then automaticallly deleting all when I could feel up to sitting and concentrating for a long perios of time, {I truly appreciate your service that more often than not, is a tremendous help to me}, would the two programs as stated above be a help to me after getting the new computer? I have yet to learn how to send pictures, etc., from My Pictures or My Documents from yahoo instead of the OE program. Sometimes I think some of the programs you discuss to help people with their problems is for either the business person or those far more computer experienced than I. I do hope your day has been great. Connie Dear Connie Yes, sure, both of those are good and reliable. To send pictures with Eudora, there are a few fool proof options. For small pictures, I copy the picture, or a part of it, in Paint Shop Pro or any graphics program, jump back to Eudora and hit CTRL V or SHIFT Insert For large originals, no matter how huge they are, I hit CTRL H to attacH the picture. That opens a little browser and I hunt it down, even if it is on a different hard drive or still on the camera, highlight the picture, and hit the ATTACH button. I can also attach any picture by dragging it from a file explorer window into the top of the mail. I can also drag movies or music from a Skype window into an Eudora letter. Have not used Pegasus since 1993, but as far as I remember, it works pretty well the same as Eudora. Have FUN! DearWebby

The boss ordered one of his men to dig a hole 8-feet deep. After the job was completed the boss returned and explained an error had been made and the hole wouldn't be needed. "Fill 'er up," he ordered. The worker did as he'd been told. But he ran into a problem. He couldn't get all the dirt packed back into the hole without leaving a mound on top. He went to the office and explained his problem. The boss snorted. "Honestly! The kind of help you get these days! There's obviously only one thing to do. You'll have to dig that hole deeper!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Old Jeans When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft projects. Denim is durable and great for making quilt blocks, purses, patches or sleeves to hold tools. Visit ThriftyFun For More Craft Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Craft%20Tips_357.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG  

Thanks to Susan for this report: The students in my third grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes," "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "You said, the hole went all the way through. You mean they got both ears with one shot? How far away did they stand?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Share & Compare Your MPG

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Replacement for Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 14, 2008

Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself. --- Jane Wagner A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies. --- Oscar Wilde A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
It was graduation day and Mom was trying to take a picture of their son in a cap and gown, posed with his father. "Let's try to make this look natural," she said. "Junior, put your arm around your dad's shoulder." The father answered, "If you want it to look natural, why not have him put his hand on my wallet?"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hilton Head, South Carolina School administrators Sent in by Walter, the Sonecarver fourth grader suspended for using broken pencil sharpener A 10-year-old Hilton Head Island boy has been suspended from school for having something most students carry in their supply boxes: a pencil sharpener. The problem was his sharpener had broken, but he decided to use it anyway. A teacher at Hilton Head Island International Baccalaureate Elementary School noticed the boy had what appeared to be a small razor blade during class on Tuesday, according to a Beaufort County sheriff's report. It was obvious that the blade was the metal insert commonly found in a child's small, plastic pencil sharpener, the deputy noted. The boy -- a fourth-grader described as a well-behaved and good student -- cried during the meeting with his mom, the deputy and the school's assistant principal. He had no criminal intent in having the blade at school, the sheriff's report stated, but was suspended for at least two days and could face further disciplinary action. ----------------- Police report: http://snipurl.com/3q74s [media_islandpacket_com] Btw., police reported that there was no criminal attempt, and that the kid had a ONE inch long recently sharpened pencil. To me, that would be an indication that the kid did not have the money for a new pencil sharpener, and the situation could and should have been resolved by giving or lending him a working pencil sharpener, and a longer pencil. Now the kid has a record! When he applies for admission to a college or university, he has to answer YES to the question if he has ever been suspended.
Joe walked into his wife's room one day. "If I were disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked her. "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails. "How about if I became crippled and couldn't hug you any more?" he asked nervously. "Don't worry, darling, I'll always love you," she told him, buffing her nails. "Well, how about if I lost my job as vice president?" Joe went on, "If I wasn't making six figures any more, would you still love me then?" The woman looked over at her husband's worried face. "Joe, I'll always love you," she reassured him, "but I would really miss you."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Oscar Re: Professional Email Dear Webby We have used Microsoft Outlook for years. I have to admit that it has some nice features, but the inevitable Outlook crashes that take a user's data with it, are just not tolerable in business. With close to hundred employees, there is about one per week who loses all her mail. It's pretty sad if you have to print all the email to keep a trail. I know you favor Eudora, but it is no longer supported. What else do you suggest? We can't use gmail or anything like that, since we need folders for each client, and sub-folders in those for different projects. Oscar Dear Oscar I have used Eudora since '93, and have never had to contact them for support, and neither have any of my employees. I won't let the lack of vendor support hold me back from installing it onto new machines, and one of these days Eudora 8 (Open Source) will come out of Beta and be ready for prime time. There is also good old Pegasus from http://pmail.com It has been stable since 1992, and I don't know of anybody who ever lost any mail with Pegasus. Pegasus is free. With close to 100 employees you are probably pretty close to switching to Linux. Pegasus has a Linux version, allowing you to make a gradual switch and simply put Linux on all new machines. Your employees will still be using Pegasus for mail and productivity won't be affected. Like Eudora, Pegasus will appear "industrial" to users who expect "cutesy", but in a business environment that is definitely not a handicap. Have FUN! DearWebby

A very attractive young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight now, embarrassed and red faced, knowing everyone in the place heard her, turns to the waiter and demands "Stop That!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says "Sure lady, which way did you fire it?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cherry Tomatoes in a Marinate Salad When making a marinated salad with cherry or grape tomatoes in it, puncture the tomatoes. They will absorb more of the marinade. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

An incompetent counterfeiter spent all day making his funny money. At the end of the day he realizes he spent all his time making $15 bills. He figures that the only way he's going to get anything from this batch of money, is to find a place where the people aren't too bright and change his phony money for real cash. He travels to a small town in West Virginia and walks into a small Mom and Pop grocery store. He goes to the old man behind the counter and asks him, "Do you have change for a $15 bill?" The old man replies, "Ah shore do...How would you like that? An 8 and a 7 or two 6s and a three?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Space Station

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Icon Text Background 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 13, 2008

"The secret of genius is to carry the spirit of the child into old age, which mean never losing your enthusiasm." --- Aldous Huxley "The worst bankruptcy in the world is the person who has lost his enthusiasm." --- H. W. Arnold "Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "I rate enthusiasm even above professional skill." --- Sir Edward Appleton
The blind farmer was often taken for a walk in the fields by a kind neighbor. However kindly the neighbor might have been, he was undoubtedly a coward. When a bull charged towards them one day, he abandoned the blind man. The bull, puzzled by a lack of fear, nudged the farmer in the back. He turned very quickly, caught the bull by the horns and threw it to the ground with a bump that left it breathless. "Aidan," said the neighbor, "I never knew you were so strong." "Faith, and if I could have got that fella off the handlebars of the bicycle I'd have thrashed him properly."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Beaty, 33, of Jamestown, Tennessee Dopey Dealers JAMESTOWN, Tenn. (UPI) Police in Jamestown, Tenn., said a man and his mother were arrested after they allegedly tried to trade drugs with a uniformed police officer. Investigators said Joel Beaty, 33, apparently called the wrong number when he phoned police dispatch and addressed the dispatcher, an off-duty police officer, as if he were a drug dealer, WBIR-TV, Knoxville, Tenn., reported Tuesday. The officer said Beaty seemed to be under the influence of drugs when he requested that the officer come to a parking lot next to his home and sell him morphine in exchange for other drugs. The dispatch officer said he showed up in uniform to make the trade and Beaty's mother, Joyce, handed her son the drugs he was allegedly planning to trade for the morphine. Beaty and his mother were both charged with delivery of Schedule III drugs. The 33-year-old was also charged with public intoxication.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and an advertisement on the net were the main reasons for the long line that formed in front of the store by 8:30, the store's opening time. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw and knocked around a bit, then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
At a small parish in rural New England there lived a priest, and several nuns. One day, one of the older nuns was noticing that the rugs in the church were beginning to fray. She went to the priest and told him, "Father, I believe your rugs need to be replaced soon." The priest thanked her for bringing it to his attention, and told her that he thought that she had been there long enough to refer to church property as "our" not "your." Several days later, the same nun noticed that the hedge needed to be trimmed. She again went to the priest and told him, "Father, I've noticed that your...(-and after a stern look from the priest-) I mean OUR hedge needs to be trimmed." The priest thanked her for again bringing something to his attention and this time asked her if she had seen his watch that had gone missing. She said she hadn't, but assured him she would look for it. Another few days passed, and the parish received word that the bishop would be coming for a visit. The whole parish was in an uproar of cleaning, and decorating. On the day the bishop arrived, while the priest was greeting the bishop in front of the church, the same nun came running down the front stairs yelling, "Father, Father, I found your watch!!" The priest, annoyed at the interruption, gave her another one of his "stern looks". "Why yes, Father, Sorry. I found it under OUR bed."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Find owner of a domain Dear Webby Thanks for all your help. How do I get just the fonts under the icons on my desktop instead of the blue that's there now? Always Kitty Dear Kitty Open System Properties in Control Panel, choose the Advanced tab, and click Settings in the Performance section. Turn on the Use drop shadows for icon labels on the desktop option, and click Ok. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby

Henry was very old - in fact, he was about to celebrate his eighty-third birthday. He went to the doctor for a checkup. The doctor gave him a thorough going-over, and then said, "For a man who's about to be eighty-three, you're in marvelous shape. But why a physical just a day before your birthday?" The old man explained that that very afternoon he was going to marry an eighteen-year-old girl. The doctor tried with a great deal of effort to dissuade him. "I'm goin' ahead with it no matter what," the old man said. "Got any other suggestions, Doc?" "Just one. If you want a really peaceful marriage, I suggest that you take in a boarder." The old man thought about it and said that it sounded like a good idea. The next time the doctor met the old man it was at a church fund-raising affair, half a year later. The old man came up to him and said, "Doctor, congratulate me! My wife's pregnant!" The doctor tried to maintain his poise, and said, "Well, so at least you followed my good advice and took in a boarder." "Oh, sure," said the old man, with a wicked grin, "and the boarder's pregnant too!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Shoes When Painting If you are painting and don't want to get paint on your shoes, cover them with plastic grocery bags and tie around the ankle. Remove the grocery bags when you need to leave the room you are painting and put on the same pair or a new pair if needed before you re-enter the room. Visit ThriftyFun For More Painting Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Two nuns are ordered to paint a room in the convent, and the last instruction of the Mother Superior is that they must not get even a drop of paint on their clothes. After conferring about this for a while, the two nuns decide to lock the door of the room, strip off their clothes, and paint in the nude. In the middle of the project, there comes a knock at the door. "Who is it?", calls one of the women. "Blind man," replies a voice from the other side of the door. The two women look at each other and shrug, and, deciding that no harm can come from letting a blind man into the room, they open the door. "Wow," says the man, "nice to see you! Where do you want these venetian blinds....?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Koozka pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Find the owner of a domain name 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 12, 2008


Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

In the land of the blind, the one-eyed man is stoned to death. --- Joan D. Vinge,
Danny said, "I wonder if it's really bad luck to have a black cat cross your path." Jillian said, "That would depend on whether you're a man or a mouse."
Thanks to Sue for sending these picture of a young plover:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Burglar fall down-go splat (09-11) 12:29 PDT SAN FRANCISCO -- A car-burglary suspect fell to his death early today after he climbed over a wall on San Francisco's Telegraph Hill while trying to flee from police, apparently unaware that on the other side of the wall was a 200-foot cliff, authorities said. The incident began at 12:30 a.m. when police received reports of a someone breaking into a car on the unit block of Alta Street near Montgomery Street, east of Coit Tower. Plainclothes officers set up surveillance in the area and spotted the man getting out of an Audi, said police spokesman Sgt. Neville Gittens. Police tried to stop him, but he took off running. At one point, he stumbled and a screwdriver fell out of his pocket, police said. The man jumped over a 3-foot wall at the end of Alta Street and plunged the equivalent of 20 stories. He was pronounced dead at the scene, west of Sansome Street.
A young man was delighted to finally be asked home to meet the parents of the young woman he'd been seeing for some time. He was quite nervous about the meeting, though, and by the time he arrived punctually at the doorstep he was in a state of gastric distress. The problem developed into one of acute flatulence, and halfway through the canapes the young man realized he couldn't hold it in one second longer without exploding. A tiny fart escaped. "SPOT!" called out the young woman's mother to the family dog, lying at the young man's feet. Relieved at the dog's having been blamed, the young man let another, slightly larger one go. "Spot!" she called out sharply. "I've got it made," thought the fellow to himself. One more and I'll feel fine. So he let loose a really big one. "Spot!" shrieked the mother. "Get over here before he craps on you!"
A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. Then raising his eyes heavenward, he exclaimed, "I thank you, Lord, that I got my hat back from this congregation."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Find owner of a domain Hi Webby Would you know how to find out who owns a domain name? Friend of mine tried to get her name albeit found out it is registered. Doesn't know who actually owns it. Appreciate all the insights you share. Mark Dear Mark The easiest is probably http://dnsstuff.com Or tell me what name she is interested in. I am one of the sharpest consultants in that field, and can probably find a suitable name that is available. The more details about what she plans to do, the closer a match I can find. I can also help her avoid bad names like whorepresents.com that belongs not to whore presents, but to who represents; or expertsexchange.com which has nothing to do with sex change of experts; or therapistfinder.com, apparently not for finding the rapist, but therapists; or speedofart.com, which has not much to do with farts in speedos, and so on. A domain name can make or break a business, and the selection of a domain name should of a domain name should not be taken lightly. Have FUN! DearWebby

My Uncle Joe was arrested for selling home-stilled whiskey. His lawyer put him on the stand and asked the jurors to look carefully at his client. "Now, ladies and gentleman of the jury," concluded the lawyer, "you've looked carefully at the defendant. Can you sit there in the jury and honestly believe that if my client had a quart of whiskey he would sell it?" He was acquitted.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Memory Aid: Changing What's Familiar In order to remember a one-time thing, I take my wedding ring or watch off and put it on the opposite hand. It is so irritating to have it on the wrong hand that I keep reminding myself why it is there. Visit ThriftyFun For More Memory Tricks http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Me ... 9_691.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Upon her engagement the exuberant young woman went to her mother and said, "I've found a man just like father!" Her mother replied, "So what do you want from me, sympathy?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Netherlands Pictures - The Hague
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Removing Google Suggestions 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 11, 2008


Thanks to the soldiers who keep the barbarians 
busy on their own turf instead of here!



Never explain--your friends do not need it and your enemies will not believe you anyway. --- Elbert Hubbard Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
Thanks to Jai for this story: Two bowling teams charter a double-Decker bus for a weekend trip to Louisiana. The A team rode on the bottom of the bus, and the B team rode on the top level. The A team down below really whooped it up, having a great time, when one of them realized she hadn't heard anything from the B team upstairs. She decided to go up and investigate. When she reached the top, she found all the B team members in fear, staring straight ahead at the road, clutching the seats in front of them with white knuckles. So she asked, "What the heck's going on up here? We're having a great time downstairs!" One of them looked up at her, swallowed hard and whispered... " YEAH, BUT YOU'VE GOT A DRIVER!?!"
Thanks to Sandie for sending these pictures: Okie cattle hauler. He bought a bull in Kansas... hauled it to Tulsa, OK.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to kidnappers in Tampa, Florida Texting Allows Kidnap Victim To Turn The Tables On Kidnappers Tuesday September 9, 2008 CityNews.ca Staff Kidnapping is a heinous and heartless crime that sometimes results in the death of the person being held for ransom. But in a strange twist in a case in Florida, it was the victim who emerged unscathed after violently turning the tables on his abductors. Police in Tampa, Florida are still trying to figure out exactly what happened after a man was taken from a local hotel at gunpoint Sunday and forced into a waiting car. The kidnappers apparently believed the victim could lead them to another man they had a dispute with over some stolen coins. So when the trio drove off with their reluctant hostage, he knew he had to look for any break to get away. But he never expected the one that came. Cops say one of the abductors in the back seat temporarily put down his gun so he could send a text message on his cell phone. Without hesitating, the victim picked up the loaded weapon, shot the man next to him and then fired a series of rounds at the other abductor in the front seat. He then put the barrel to the head of the driver and ordered him to stop the car. The victim got out and ran, immediately calling 911 and sending police racing to the scene. Meanwhile, the only uninjured kidnapper drove to a nearby fast food restaurant. When employees there saw two men in the car bleeding and badly wounded, they called authorities as well, and the driver was soon taken into custody. The man who sent the text message was dead while the other suspect was wounded but alive and remains in hospital. The survivors are expected to be charged with kidnapping. The victim wasn't hurt and police are trying to sort out all the bizarre details.
A man goes to a doctor for a routine physical. The nurse starts with the basics. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "Oh, 'bout One-sixty-five." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale. It turns out that his weight is 187. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Oh, 'bout six feet," he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5 feet 8 3/4 inches. She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. "High!" The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and lanky. Now, durnit, I'm short and fat!"
Rabbi Mendel was one day walking along a very narrow street, when he came face to face with a rival Rabbi. The street was too narrow for the two to pass. The rival, pulling himself up to his full height, said haughtily: . . . "I never make way for fools " Smiling, Rabbi Mendel stepped aside and said, . . ."I always do."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Google "suggestions" Dear Webby, Thank you for all your excellent computer advice daily. What search engine do you use? I have used Google for years but do not like their list of filled in names when I go to type in a subject. Google just starting doing this & you cannot delete their lists. If you accidentally click on one of their subject you get spam from that outfit. Thanks again for all you help. Nita Dear Nita 1. Click the Settings button on your Toolbar. 2. Select Options from the drop-down menu. 3. Click the Search Box Settings button. 4. Deselect the 'Suggest popular searches' checkbox. 5. Click the OK button. Have FUN! DearWebby

Some time ago, there was this artist, who worked from a studio in his home. He specialized in nudes, and had been working on what he thought would be a masterpiece for several months now. As usual, his model reported, and after exchanging the usual greetings and small talk, she began to undress for the day's work. He told her not to bother, that he felt pretty bad with a cold he had been fighting. He added that he would pay her for the day, but that she could just go home; he just wanted some hot tea and then, off to bed. The model said, "Oh, please, let me fix it for you. It's the least I can do." He agreed and told her to fix herself a cup too. They were sitting in the living room just exchanging small talk and enjoying their tea, when he heard the front door open and close, then some familiar footsteps. "Oh darn!!!" he whispered loudly, "It's my wife! Quick!!! Take all your clothes off."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver - Quick Stir Fry You can reduce the time it takes to stir fry slow cooking vegetable like carrots and broccoli by blanching them. You can also reduce the cooking time by cutting them thinly. Just be sure to cut all your veggies and as uniformly as possibly so they cook evenly. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cooking Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

A couple of hunters are out in the woods in the deep south when one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be breathing, and his eyes are rolled back in his head. The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator, in a calm and soothing voice, says, "Alright, take it easy. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is silence, and then a gun shot is heard. The hunter comes back on the line. "OK. Now what??"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mixed Photo Slide Show
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Trend Micro locks up customer's PCs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 10, 2008

Incompetents invariably make trouble for people other than themselves. --- Larry McMurtry Our lives improve only when we take chances - and the first and most difficult risk we can take is to be honest with ourselves. --- Walter Anderson
Thanks to Lillemor for this report: When the impending threat of hurricane Gustav was heading to Louisianna, the Governor of Louisiana issued a mandatory evacuation of New Orleans and the surrounding areas. In response to this order the Governor of Texas ordered the demolition of all bridges between the two states. Texas figured it would be cheaper to rebuild the bridges.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Trend Micro Flawed Trend Micro antivirus update cripples PCs It quarantines critical Windows files, prevents booting of some XP, Vista machines September 8, 2008 (Computerworld) Antivirus updates issued by Trend Micro Inc. on Friday crippled Windows XP and Vista PCs when they mistook several critical system files for malware, and blocked access to those files. Some users have yet to regain control of their PCs, according to e-mail sent to Computerworld. Two signature updates that Trend Micro released Friday for its most popular consumer security software incorrectly identified up to eight different Windows files as Trojans, then quarantined those files, thinking they were dangerous. The updates were issued to users running Trend Micro's AntiVirus plus AntiSpyware 2008, Internet Security 2008 and Internet Security Pro 2008. Quarantining the files prevented the PC from booting. his isn't the first time that Trend Micro has pushed a malicious signature update to its customers. In April 2005, the company issued a buggy definition file that locked up Windows XP machines, most of them owned by Japanese users, as the software consumed 100% of the processor's cycles. Last year, an antivirus signature released by rival Symantec Corp. knocked out thousands of Chinese PCs by falsely labeling two Windows .dll files as malware, preventing users from booting their computers. http://snipurl.com/3otoo [www_computerworld_com]
A priest and a minister are standing by the road, pounding a sign into the ground. The sign reads: "The End is Near! Turn Yourself Around Now Before It's Too Late!" A car speeds past them, the driver yelling, "Leave us alone, you religious nuts!" There is the sound of screeching tires followed by a big splash. The priest turns to the minister and asks, "Do you think the sign should just say 'Bridge Out?'"
A flat-chested woman was delighted when her fairy-god mother said her breasts would increase in size each time a man says, "Pardon" to her. She walked down the sidewalk, accidentally bumped into a man and he said, "Pardon me." Her breasts instantly grew an inch and she was ecstatic. The next day, she bumped into a man in the grocery store, he begged her pardon and another inch was added to her breasts. She was in seventh heaven! She walked into a Chinese restaurant,colided with a waiter who bowed and said, "A thousand pardons for my clumsy behavior." The next day, the headline in the local newspaper says, "Chinese Waiter Crushed to Death!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ross Re: Use old PC for backup Dear Webby, I've got an old computer that's seen it's better days, and was wondering if it would be as simple as hooking up a USB cable to extract files on it, and then using it for a backup? Sounded a little to simple to do it that way so figured I ask, and see if it really is. Thanks for all you do, Ross Dear Ross Yes, sure you can network the machines, but simply using the old machine's drive in a USB drive case is easier on your electrical bill and saves desk space. No need for another computer, monitor and keyboard. No need to run that machine, if all you want is it's drive. Just get a USB hard drive case for 4"x6" drives and pop the drive from the old machine into it. As soon as you plug that into the USB port, you see the extra drive n the new machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

A police car pulls up in front of grandma Sarah's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park ... and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris," said grandma, " You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "Lost I wasn't.....just too tired to walk home I was."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com File Away Warranties and Manuals When you buy a new product, create a file folder for the warranty information and manual. If you dispose of the box, be sure to cut off the UPC code and file that too. If there is a problem, you will know exactly where the warranty information is. Visit ThriftyFun For More Organizing Paperwork Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Pa ... 9_695.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

Walking down main street in a *very* rural West Virginia town, two local men met a Catholic nun who's arm was in a sling. "What's wrong with your arm, sister?" asked one local bubba. "It's broken in three places," the nun replied. "How did it happen?" asked the second West Virginian, now wide eyed. "I slipped in a bathtub," answered the nun. After leaving, the first local man asked the other, "Bubba, what's a bathtub?" "Heck, I don't know," said his friend, "I ain't no Catholic!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hair hats
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Best XP Antivirus 2008 remover 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 9, 2008

In America, through pressure of conformity, there is freedom of choice, but nothing to choose from. --- Peter Ustinov
Thanks to Gloria for this story: Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their Lives. When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day. One Day Barb said, 'Rose, we both loved barrel racing all our lives, and we rode Until we could hardly walk. Please do me one favor: When you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's barrel racing there.' Rose looked up at Barb from her deathbed, 'Barb, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favor for you.' Shortly after that, Rose passed on. At midnight a couple of nights later, Barb Was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a Voice calling out to her, 'Barb, Barb.' 'Who is it?' asked Barb, sitting up Suddenly. 'Who is it?' 'Barb -- it's me, Rose.' 'You're not Rose. Rose just died.' 'I'm telling you, it's me, Rose,' insisted the voice. 'Rose! Where are you?' 'In Heaven,' replied Rose. 'I have some really good news And a little bad news.' 'Tell me the good news first,' said Barb. 'The Good news,' Rose said, 'is that there's barrel racing in Heaven. Better Yet, all of our horses who died before us are here, too. Some of us are here as riders, and some as horses. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always summer, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can ride all we want, and our horses never get tired.' 'That's fantastic,' said Barb.. 'It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?' 'You're running Friday.'
Thanks to Dad for sending this picture of a Haageocereus piece. Dad cut down some branches off a Haageocereus, that had gotten too big and had gotten a bit lazy about blooming. Then he cut some of those branches into foot long pieces and hung them up outside to dry, because they have a pretty lace sceleton that looks nice as a cover over the dirt in the pots. Two-three months later this one developed a bud, so he brought it into his breakfast nook. Sure enough, the next morning it popped a flower. Truly amazing survival drive!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno, California Sent in by Ross Burglar rubs spices on sleeping man, whacks another with a sausage and a dog eats the evidence By Louis Galvan, Fresno Bee Article Launched: 09/08/2008 11:11:25 AM PDT FRESNO, Calif. — A burglar who broke into a home just east of Fresno rubbed spices over the body of one of two men as they slept in their rooms and then used an 8-inch sausage to whack the other man on the face and head before running out of the house, police said. Fresno County Sheriff's Lt. Ian Burrimond, describing the crime as one of the strangest he's ever heard of, said a suspect was found hiding in a nearby field a few minutes later and taken into custody on suspicion of residential robbery. Deputies, he said, had no problem linking the suspect to the crime. "It seems the guy ran out of the house wearing only a T-shirt, boxer shorts and socks, leaving behind his wallet with his ID," Burrimond said. Arrested was Antonio Vasquez, 22, of Fresno. Burrimond said deputies headed to the victims' home near Kings Canyon Road shortly after 8 a.m. Saturday regarding a burglary in progress. The victims, both farmworkers, told deputies they were awakened by a stranger applying spices to one of them and striking the other with a sausage. Both the spices and the sausage, Burrimond said, reportedly were obtained from the victims' kitchen. After the man fled, the victims discovered the home had been ransacked and that some money was taken, Burrimond said. Burrimond said the money was recovered, but that the piece of sausage used in the attack was discarded by the suspect and eaten by a dog. "That's right, the dog ate the weapon," Burrimond said. "I tell you, this was one weird case."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A priest was being honored at his retirement dinner after 25 years in the parish. A leading local politician and member of the congregation was chosen to make the presentation and give a little speech at the dinner. He was delayed, so the priest decided to say his own few words while they waited. "I got my first impression of the parish from the first confession I heard here. I thought I had been assigned to a terrible place. The very first person who entered my confessional told me he had stolen a television set and, when questioned by the police, was able to lie his way out of it. He had stolen money from his parents, embezzled from his employer, had an affair with his boss' wife and taken illegal drugs. I was appalled, but as the days went on, I knew that my people were not all like that and I had, indeed, come to a fine parish full of good and loving people." Just as the priest finished his talk, the politician arrived full of apologies for being late. He immediately began to make the presentation and gave his talk. "I'll never forget the first day our parish priest arrived," said the politician. "In fact, I had the honor of being the first person to go to him for confession."
Mrs. Jones sent her daughter Silvia to buy some groceries at the market. On the way she met some boys who asked her to climb up a tree and get them some fruit of which she did. She bought the groceries and got back home to her mother. Mrs.Jones: "Why did you take so long?" Silvia: "I met some boys who asked me to climb up a tree and fetch them some fruit." Mrs.Jones: "Silvia, you should know that when boys ask you to climb up a tree, all they want to see is your underwear. You shouldn't have done it." Silvia: "Mother, I know, that's why I took it off before climbing up the tree..."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: Best Antivirus 2008 cleaner Dear Webby, The most effective way of removing Antivirus 2008 is to have a professional do it, as there are 127 registry tweaks, and numerous files to clean out, run Hijack and verify all the data, then the most effective of all the scanners in its detection and deletion is A Squared http://snipurl.com/3og2i [www_softpedia_com] . Good piece of software, but once it has done it’s job, remove it, as it becomes a resource hog. Sorry I haven’t been around, but I had gall bladder surgery this week, so I was a little incapacitated. Hey, Have a terrific day. Jerome Dear Jerome Hope you get over the gall bladder hassle soon! That XP Antivirus 2008 sounds like the average professional would be overwhelmed by it! The cleaner you got sounds like an excellent tool! Get well soon and Have FUN! DearWebby

A tourist traveling down a country road in the deep south passes a young boy walking down the road with only one shoe on. The tourist stops the car and asks the boy, "You lose a shoe?" "Nope," the boy replies, "just found one..."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Your Crawl Space If your home has a crawl space, go down and look for bugs and moisture. Be sure to crawl under the bathroom and kitchen and look for watermarks, that's a leak that needs to be fixed. If your floor is insulated, cover every inch of your body, wear goggles and a face mask. Fix any drooping insulation. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Maintenance Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improv ... 4_607.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

From Anna Dear Webby, I need that Wheelie Bin joke that you once had. I wheelie need it! Anna Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays," Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya f***en idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Story of a sign
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Help for removing XP Antivirus 2008 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 8, 2008

You cannot depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired,"did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out-of-the-way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the womans face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, bloasting. " Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, "It's pretty clear that he was following you, and taking pictures."
Thanks to Deeli for sending this picture of a squirrel outside her window:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award goes to Carrol Laverne Uitermarkt, 56, of Prairie City, Iowa Suicidal vacuuming One man was seriously injured in an explosion apparently caused by vacuuming gasoline in Des Moines on Monday afternoon. Carrol Laverne Uitermarkt, 56, of Prairie City, was taken to Mercy Medical Center in Des Moines. Police said Ralph Touch and Uitermarkt were using gasoline to clean the basement floor at 5805 New York Avenue. Touch told officers they would put a small amount of gasoline on the floor and then suck it up with a Shop-Vac. Touch told officers they were almost finished with the floor and the Shop-Vac was nearly full of gas when the explosion occurred shortly before 2 p.m. Touch was standing outside on the east side of the house at the time of the explosion, police said. A man riding by on his bike at the time heard the blast and called 911. He then helped Touch get Uitermarkt out of the basement. Officers said in a report: "Uitermarkt was conscious and breathing, with severe burns to the majority of his body." Officials said the force of the explosion blew out the windows and bowed the walls and foundation. A property to the east also was damaged. Uitermarkt later was transferred from Mercy Medical Çenter to University of Iowa Hospitals in Iowa City, where he died. http://snipurl.com/3o3xx [www_desmoinesregister_com]
A couple arrived at town hall seconds before closing time, and caught a judge just as he was about to leave, and asked him to marry them. He asked if they had a license and, when they didn't, sent them off to get one. They caught the town clerk just as he was locking up, and got the license from him. When they got back to the judge, he pointed out they had filled the names in backwards -- his where hers belonged and vice versa. They rushed back to the clerk's office, caught him again, and got another license. This time, the judge noticed that the clerk had filled in the date in the wrong format. Again they catch the clerk... After five reissued licenses, the judge is finally satisfied. Judge: "I hope you appreciate why I made you keep going back. If there are irregularities in the license, your marriage would not be legal, and any children you might have would be technical bastards." Groom: "That's funny - that's just what the clerk called you."
When the store manager returned from lunch, he noticed his clerk's hand was bandaged, but before he could ask about the bandage, the clerk said he had some very good news for him. "Guess what, sir?" the clerk said. "I finally sold that terrible, ugly suit we've had so long!" "Do you mean that repulsive pink-and-blue double-breasted thing?" the manager asked. "That's the one!" "That's great!" the manager cried, "I thought we'd never get rid of that monstrosity! That had to be the ugliest suit we've ever had! But tell me. Why is your hand bandaged?" "Oh," the clerk replied, "after I sold the guy that suit, his guide dog bit me."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: Antivirus 2008 Dear Webby, I got this from a site that helped me get rid of a trojan virus and it worked great. Haven't had any more show up. Also used this on a friends computer that had 4 trojans in it. Hope this might help those that you posed today. Download SDFix and save it to your Desktop. Double click SDFix.exe and it will extract the files to %systemdrive% (Drive that contains the Windows Directory, typically C:\SDFix) Please then reboot your computer in Safe Mode by doing the following : Restart your computer After hearing your computer beep once during startup, but before the Windows icon appears, tap the F8 key continually; Instead of Windows loading as normal, the Advanced Options Menu should appear; Select the first option, to run Windows in Safe Mode, then press Enter. Choose your usual account. Open the extracted SDFix folder and double click RunThis.bat to start the script. Type Y to begin the cleanup process. It will remove any Trojan Services and Registry Entries that it finds then prompt you to press any key to Reboot. Press any Key and it will restart the PC. Mike Dear Mike Thanks for your valuable info! Have FUN! DearWebby

How To Clean A Cat -------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. Dress in leather welder's jacket and pants 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water. 3. Obtain the cat and carry him to the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet, close both lids and stand on them 5. Flush the toilet three or four times. This provides a "power wash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Jump off the toilet as far as you can. Don't worry about opening the lids. The cat will do that automatically. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely, The DOG

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ziploc Bags for Outfits I have two preschool daughters. When we travel, I pack outfits in gallon ziploc bags. I include top, shorts, underwear and socks. That way, they can take a pack and dress themselves and I don't have to sort through all of the clothes each day. Visit ThriftyFun For More Parenting Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

A guy walks into a drugstore operated by a prudish woman. He asks, "Can I have a dozen condoms, Miss?" "Don't Miss me, mister." "Well, in that case, make it 13."
Interesting facts about Obama and Palin

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Hurricane Tracking
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Beware of XP Antivirus08 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 7, 2008

Pay no attention to what the critics say; there has never been set up a statue in honor of a critic. --- Jean Sibelius
Thanks to Gloria for this classic: A 5 year old's first job... Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond Formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some Construction workers that will make you believe That we all can make a difference when we give A child the gift of our time. A young family moved into a house, next to a Vacant lot. One day, a construction crew began To build a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an Interest in the goings-on and spent much of Each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, all of them 'gems-in-the-rough,' more or less, adopted her As a kind of project mascot. They chatted with Her during coffee and lunch breaks and gave her Little jobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even Presented her with a pay envelope containing ten Dollars. The little girl took this home to her Mother who suggested that she take her ten Dollars 'pay' she'd received to the bank the next Day to start a savings account. When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the Teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl How she had come by her very own pay check at Such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, 'I worked last week with a real construction crew Building the new house next door to us.' 'Oh my goodness gracious,' said the teller, 'and will You be working on the house again this week, too?' The little girl replied, 'I will, if those a*******es at Home Depot ever deliver the f _ ckin' sheet rock.'
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fabricant, 58, of Staffordshire, England Not worth a ransom Amy Beeman - AHN London, England (AHN) -- A British politician had a scare recently when armed Colombian soldiers mistakenly took his powdered coffee-mate to be raw cocaine. Michael Fabricant, 58, who represents the Staffordshire constituency of Lichfield and Burntwood, was on a trekking vacation in South America when he and his friend ran into a group of soldiers in the jungle. The gun-wielding militants searched their belongings and found an unlabeled jar of powdered coffee creamer. Fabricant told reporters he tried to explain what it was, but spoke very little Spanish. So the soldiers, armed with M16 rifles forced Fabricant to eat several spoonfuls of the white substance. Ingesting large quantities of raw cocaine is poisonous and can cause death. While Fabricant told the press he felt ill from so much of the powder, the fact that he didn't show any signs of sickness convinced the group of militants that the substance was not cocaine, and they allowed Fabricant and his friend to continue their hike. Fabricant said he brought the powdered creamer because he wasn't sure what the quality of milk would be in Colombia. Apparently they realized it would be hopeless trying to get a ransom for somebody like him.
One morning the door-bell rang. The weather was very bad. It was raining cats and dogs. I opened the door and there stood a young lady, a Jehovah's Witness, soaking wet. I felt sorry for her and invited her in the house for a cup of coffee and to dry off a little. As we were drinking our coffee, I asked what her ' happy message ' was. I thought we might discuss some minor or major differences of believes or interpretation, but, she stuttered and said: ..."I'm not sure....I never got this far before...!"
Tom had won a toy at a raffle. He called his kids together to ask which one should have the present. "Who is the most obedient?" he asked. "Who never talks back to mother? Who does everything she says?" Five small and sad voices answered in unison. "Okay, dad, you get the toy."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trish Re: Antivirus 2008 Dear Webby, HELP!!!!! My computer seems to have been affected by something. The only thing I've done recently is update my Microsoft messenger. Since then I have balloon pop ups continuously saying my XP Antivirus 2008 is inactive or threats detected or some critical files have been . . . . .etc etc. If I click on the balloon it wants me to register 'and pay I think for XP Antivirus 2008, doesn't look like a 'proper' windows update site, similar but not the same. How do I get rid of this or at least stop it. I have Trend PC-Cillin Internet Security which tells me all is well, it came with the computer. I will be going back to AVG when time is up and that's soon. Thanks a lot if you have any answers Trish Dear Trish XP Antivirus 2008 is a trojan infection. Yep, your computer is not under your control any more. Some guy in Russia controls it now. XP antivirus 2008 is actually quite evil shit, and according to what I read, not that easy to get rid off. It has been around for a long time and all but the very worst anti-virus programs block it from coming onto your computer via that fake MSN update. There is a fair bit of information about it on the net: XP Antivirus 2008 By the way, since you paid for Trend Micro PC-Cillin, I would screech a hostile temper tantrum at them and make them step you through removing it. Have FUN! DearWebby Hello again I really am worried now about the previouse email I sent re 'XP Antivirus 2008', I can't go to any website as "I am not covered by XP Antivirus 2008 and it may be dangerous to my computer". Thanks again if you can shed some light on this problem. Trish Dear Trish Sounds like the hackers that control your computer now are busy using your computer for a DDOS attack, and don't want you to slow them down. 1) Get the support number for Trend Micro 2) Screech a temper tantrum at them 3) Get them to step you through the process of getting rid of that infection, that they failed to protect you from 4) Un-install TrendMicro 5) Get McAfee Virus Scan for about $30 a YEAR or any decent protection in that class. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two golden-agers were discussing their husbands over lunch. "I do wish that my John would stop biting his nails. He makes me terribly nervous." My Fred used to do the same thing," the other woman replied. "But I broke him of the habit." "Really, how?" asked the first woman. "Easy, I hid his teeth."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Herbs to Prevent Insects Some herbs can help prevent insects from damaging other plants. For example, anise and coriander discourage aphids. Contact your local nursery or agricultural college extension to find out which herbs will work best in your area. Visit ThriftyFun For More Green Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:  

There are three truths in religion: 1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.... 2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the Christians 3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Interesting facts about Obama and Palin

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The Hubble Site - The Entire Collection
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo's wide format 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 6, 2008

You can pretend to be serious; you can't pretend to be witty. --- Sacha Guitry When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. -- Thomas Szasz
Thanks to Sandie for tis: The computer in my high school classroom recently started acting up. After watching me struggle with it, one of my students came up and took over. "Your hard drive crashed," he said. I called the computer services office and explained, "My computer is down. The hard drive crashed." "We can't just send people down on your say so. How do you know that's the problem?" "A student told me," I answered. "We'll send someone over right away."
Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures of his Peruvianus: evening night morning In winter this cactus is in his breakfast nook, that is why he has to keep sawing it off at 7 foot height.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Metro Hotel, in Woking, England Sent in by Linda Wounded Soldier Forced to Sleep in Car After Hotel Denies Him a Room A wounded British soldier home from Afghanistan on sick leave was forced to spend the night in his car after a hotel refused him a room. Corporal Tomos Stringer was told by staff at Metro Hotel, in Woking, that it was company policy to not accept members of the armed forces as guests. The 24-year-old had traveled to the Surrey town to help with funeral preparations for a friend killed in action. It was so late that Cpl Stringer, who had broken his wrist jumping off an Army truck as it was attacked, had no choice but to sleep in his tiny, two-door car, arm covered in plaster. Cpl Stringer, of 13 Air Assault Support Regiment, The Royal Logistic Corps, has now returned to Afghanistan, but his mother, Gaynor Stringer, from Criccieth, north Wales, told The Times that she is still furious about the incident. “I’m very, very angry. It’s discrimination. They would never get away with it if it was against someone of ethnic origin,” she said. She said they had received neither an apology nor an explanation from the hotel, which is part of a family entertainment center called The Big Apple and owned by a company called American Amusements. "In America, they treat soldiers as heroes,” said Stringer, whose son joined the Army when he was 16 and has done multiple tours of duty in Iraq, Northern Ireland and Afghanistan. ---------------- In America, or Canada, there would be roaring thunder from a hundred or more half ton Harleys of the Patriot Riders, and local reporters interviewing any potential hotel customers as to why they would want to stay at a hotel that bans injured soldiers. Even though a lot of us don't agree with the war or how it is conducted, we DO respect the soldiers. Deep down inside many of us realize that, quite possibly, those soldiers are not just keeping the ball and the action in the enemy's zone, but actually might be practising how to protect our precious hide, just in case it comes to that.
A country club didn't allow women on the golf course. Eventually, there was enough pressure that they decided to allow women on the course during the week. The ladies were satisfied with this arrangement, formed a women's club and became very active. After about 6 months, the club board received a letter from the women's club complaining about the men, urinating on the golf course. Naturally, they just ignored the matter. After another 6 months, they received another letter reminding them of the previous letter and demanding action. After due deliberation they sent the women a letter advising them that they had been granted equal privileges!
"The attractive man I met last night insists he just wants to be friends." the girl told her maiden Aunt. "Now I know what to do with a lover, but, what the heck do I do with a 'friend'?" The wise old lady smiled and said, "The same as with your lover, dearie, only not quite so often."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: Wide Format Dear Webby, So what's up with the extra wide screen version? Have a great day..... Eddie Dear Eddie If you are referring to the way the new Yahoo screws up mail on Internet Explorer, try using FireFox as your browser. Or Opera, or Google Chrome. From what I hear, all other browsers interprete HTML newsletters OK. Have FUN! DearWebby

Keli got up late and was rushing to get ready for church. She ran frantically around her house, tore through her closet, threw her clothes on over her head and ran out the door to her car. When she arrived at the church, she saw a man coming towards her. "Tell me," she panted in her southern drawl, "Is mass out?" "No, ma'am" the man replied, "but yer hat's on crooked."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Your Spouse and Your Credit Score If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could affect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts and shared debt. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Credit Rating Advice http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_453.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John, a 72 year-old man went to the Doctor to get a physical. A few months later the Dr. saw John walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. A couple of days later the Dr. talked to the man and said, "You're really doing great, aren't you?" John replied, "Just doing what you said Doctor, "Get a hot mamma and be cheerful." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late!" John replied.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 100 ugliest cars
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Google Chrome Browser 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 5, 2008
Today is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Education is a state-controlled manufactory of echoes. --- Norman Douglas Humanity has advanced, when it has advanced, not because it has been sober, responsible, and cautious, but because it has been playful, rebellious, and immature. --- Tom Robbins
Thanks to Dave for this story: The children begged for a hamster, and after the usual fervent vows that they alone would care for it, they got one. They named it Danny. Two months later, when Mom found herself responsible for cleaning and feeding the creature, she located a prospective new home for it. The children took the news of Danny's imminent departure quite well, though one of them remarked, "He's been around here a long time. We'll miss him." "Yes," Mom replied, "But he's too much work for one person, and since I'm that one person, I say he goes." Another child offered, "Well, maybe if he wouldn't eat so much and wouldn't be so messy, we could keep him." But Mom was firm. "It's time to take Danny to his new home now," she insisted. "Go and get his cage." With one voice and in tearful outrage the children screameded, "Danny? We thought you said Daddy!"
Thanks to Patti for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andres Tamm, Estonia Sent in by Arturas Two Estonian farms establish 'Soviet republic,' seek recognition ST. PETERSBURG, September 3 (RIA Novosti) - Two farms in north-east Estonia have joined forces to declare an independent "Soviet republic" and intend to seek Russia's recognition, a Russian communist organization said on Wednesday. "We no longer want to live in bourgeois Estonia, where nobody cares about the common people...with raging unemployment and corruption, and where everything depends on NATO and the Americans," Russian communists from St Petersburg, who are assisting the 'republic,' quoted its founder, Andres Tamm, as saying. Residents and founders of the 'Estonian Soviet Socialist Republic' have already formed a national 'Soviet government,' a police force, and have begun demarcating the state's borders. Meanwhile, residents of the republic claim that the "bourgeois" Estonian government has sent a "squad of relatives of Estonian Nazi SS veterans" to regain control over the breakaway territory. The republic is currently drafting a treaty of friendship with Russia to be submitted to the Russian president in the next few days. Estonia is a former Soviet republic and a current member of both NATO and the EU. http://en.rian.ru/world/20080903/116519145.html
"Dad," said Little Johnny, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" The father said irately, "Son, it just wouldn't be right." "That's okay," replied Little Johnny, "Sometimes I get it wrong too. Just give it a try, couldn't you?"
A visitor asked a West Texas cowboy, "Doesn't it ever rain out here?" The cowboy replied, "Sure. There was a half-inch of rain a couple of weeks ago just a few miles north of here, but I was too busy and couldn't go." The wind blows so hard out in West Texas that at a drive-in theater it once blew Gene Autry right out of the saddle." It was so dry that the Baptists were sprinkling, the Methodists were spitting, and the Catholics were giving rain checks. A visitor to Amarillo asked a local rancher, "How do you stand the wind blowing every single day?" The rancher said, "You just have to get used to it - learn to lean into it. In fact, one day last fall the wind stopped blowing all of a sudden, and all the chickens in the panhandle plumb fell over."
Thanks to Don for this insight on the Yahoo email problem: Dear Webby, A tip I thought might interest you for your readers. I'm a pseudo Yahoo subscriber - I was with Prodigy way back when Big Al invented the internet, and Prodigy eventually got bought out by Yahoo, so I still have the Prodigy e-mail address but its under Yahoo's control. I know I should drop Prodigy/Yahoo, but I have so much tied to that address I just figure its easier to stay since everything works using Firefox. I noticed that many of you readers complained recently that they were getting a blank Webby letter, but I never had a problem and attributed it to having the Prodigy address. Well, this week I had to take a business trip and use the office laptop which has IE6. When I logged into my account - the Webby letter was blank! I'm back home now and I may have found a helpful tip, you see, as I mentioned, at home I use Firefox as my browser and I see the letter just fine. So I started up IE6 on my home PC and sure enough - blank letter. Looks like its some kind of IE6/Yahoo problem that causes the blank letter. Just thought you might like to know. Keep up the great work, been reading and voting for years and enjoy it every day. Don From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: Google Chrome browser Dear Webby, when I clicked on Google last evening, it said download Chrome BETA for a new browser from Google. Is this a good idea? I always respect your advice. Thanks, Carolyn Dear Carolyn The Google Chrome browser is quite OK. You don't HAVE to use it, but you are welcome to try it. It's Beta Test Version 0.2, sorta "Let's run it up the flagpole and see if they salute it or shoot it." So far it looks and acts like a no frills heavy duty Industrial browser. It is fast and works well. Might take a bit of getting used to, since they put stuff where you had wanted it to be, but never got until now, like edge tabs on the top edge. AND, Google Chrome is totally voluntary. You don't have to install a blocker to prevent it from being slithered into your computer against your will. Have FUN! DearWebby

Elizabeth was surprised to receive ten dollars from her Aunt for her birthday. The Aunt asked how she was going to spend it. "I'm taking it to Sunday School and giving it to God." the little girl replied. "He's gonna crap his drawers with surprise over not getting a dollar like usual."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avocado Peels When peeling an avocado, leave a little fruit on the inside of the avocado skin and use it to scrub your face. The peel with help remove dead skin and avocado fruit makes a great moisturizer. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and then rinse it off. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Beauty Recipes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on a radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a voice said, "He's not a very friendly bear. Let's go to the secret frequency!" None of them knew what the secret frequency was, so they went to sleep. But the British Government is still trying to find it.
Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Awesome Cake Art
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Yahoo and Skype problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 4, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday, time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops!

Genius is only great patience. --- Buffon
A woman goes into a sporting goods store to buy a shotgun. "It's for my husband," she tells the clerk. "Did he tell you what gauge to get?" asks the clerk. And she says, "Are you kidding? He doesn't even know yet that I'm going to shoot him!"
Thanks to DIchord for this picture: Sometimes it gets hot in Calif.'s Central Valley DIchord
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Raninger, Vieanna, Austria Top cop's car stolen Austria's top police officer is fuming after thieves made off with her official car - parked right outside her house. Andrea Raninger, head of the country's Federal Criminal Police, had to report the $36,000 Toyota RAV4 stolen to her own officers. She had been set to leave her home in Vienna for work when she discovered it was missing. A police source said: "It is one of the most embarrassing incidents that could happen to the police force. Either someone targeted her especially because she is the top cop, or it was just a random car theft. "In either case it's one of the worst bits of PR the force can possibly have. They can't even protect themselves from thieves, let alone the general public." -------- Considering the neighborhood, she should have parked it in the garage.
Thanks to Noella for this: Now that Vancouver has won the chance to host the 2010 Winter Olympics, these are some questions people the world over are asking! Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted on an International Tourism Website. (They have also appeared in thr Humor Letter before) Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (England ) A. We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them die. Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA ) A: Depends on how much you've been drinking. Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the Railroad tracks? (Sweden) A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden ) A: So it's true what they say about Swedes. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy) A: Let's not touch this one. Q: Are there any ATM's (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax ? (England) A: What did your last slave die of? Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA) A: Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked. Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA ) A: Face towards the US and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and we'll tell you about East and West. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (England ) A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA ) A: Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked. Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany ) A: No, WE don't stink. You better bring some along for yourself. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Where can I sell it in Canada? (USA) A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather. Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy) A: Yes, gay nightclubs Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA ) A: Only at Thanksgiving. Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round? (Germany) A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gathers. Milk is illegal. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name. It's a kind of big horse with horns. A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent. They roam the city streets eating the brains of anyone walking close to them. Spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking will scare them off. Q: Does everybody in Banff speak Japanese? A: No, the elk, that roam the streets, only speak Canadian, eh! Q: Do the Mounties still ride around on horses and carry mammoth tusk clubs? A: Only during riots, G8 conferences, mud wrestling championships and hippo races. Q: I heard about submarine races at Lost Lagoon in Vancouver. When do they have them? A: Most evenings as soon as it gets dark. You can also park at Stanley Park across the street. Q: Do the guys still smoke at Hooters in Calgary? A: No, the girls were told to slow down.
A young minister sitting down to dinner, was about to say the blessing when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from countless refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously. "It seems to me that I have blessed all this stuff before."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: Yahoo Mail problem Dear Webby I have been a regular Dear Webby fan for several years now - as of today, 9/3 - everything comes up but the letter -- I have no idea why, nor what to do about it - nothing has changed that I am aware of in the configuation of the computer -- I had to have it stripped recently and re-installed, then I re=installed avast!, I have tried to re-install my Skype line, and it does not let me sign on - so something is amiss - but I wasstill getting your mail just fine through Sunday - did not look at the mail yesterday, but both monday and tuesday were blank. Thanks Bill Dear Bill Have you ever overheard people calling you "that silly yahoo" and snicker behind your back? Pretending that sbcglobal is not yahoo is not helping you. You received your Humor Letter quite OK, but because of a screw-up in the current Yahoo system, they won't let you see it until you hit REPLY. They want to make it look to others as if you got proper mail. As I have told thousands of yahoos, you have a choice: Either hit REPLY or FORWAD and threaten to show others how messed up Yahoo is or get some decent email service. Re Skype: I used the Google search in the top of the Humor Letter that you replied with. It worked fine, proving that you did get it 100% OK. Well, anyway, there is no mention anywhere of anything related to the new Yahoo interfering with Skype. Most likely the problem is a security setting in your Avast. I am not familiar with Avast, but most likely you will find a way to OK Skype and allow it. I have used Skype for about half a dozen years now, since it's early Beta, and have never come across that problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

A traffic cop pulls over a guy who has had one drink too many. "Where do you think you're going at this hour of the morning?" the officer asks. "Offischer," the man slurs, while envisioning his waiting wife, "I'm going to a lecture."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Home When Traveling When you are on vacation, your home is susceptible to burglary. One trick is to create the illusion that you are home by putting a few lights on a timer. Program the individual lights to turn on for a while each night. Also have someone check that mail, newspapers, or packages aren't piling up. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _4771.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

President Calvin Coolidge, who was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "He seems to be against it." ------------------- That reminds me: Interesting facts about Palin and Obama

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Fiery" target="_blank" >http://tinyurl.com/FireyFlowers">Fiery Flowers
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: msconfig and regedit blocked 



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Good Morning,  !
It's wednesday,  September 3, 2008

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. — Albert Einstein Education: the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor, an old Florida fellow, was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sundial. See, the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow moves across the dial here, so that a person can read off the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered, "Huh, what will they think of next?!"
Thanks to Kate for this picture: Even wildlife is now just sitting around waiting for the government to take care of them. The Democrats have gotten to even them! Kate
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, Atlanta, Georgia Baggy pants trip up fleeing suspect ATLANTA (UPI) -- An Atlanta man trying to escape from police tripped and fell as he tried to hold his baggy pants up, officers said. Emmanuel Uzowihe, 21, allegedly pointed a gun at the police officers as he lay on the ground, the Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. He was shot and wounded. The incident near the Fulton County Courthouse began when police tried to pull Uzowihe over because of a traffic violation. He allegedly stopped his white Toyota sedan but jumped out and ran away. Anthony Gentile, a police investigator, said an officer followed Uzowihe, ordering him several times to stop. Darrell Jackson said he saw Uzowihe run past, cursing. Other witnesses and police said Uzowihe already allegedly had his gun out while he was running. "He was running pretty fast," Jackson said. "The only thing that messed him up is he was trying to pull his pants up."
My dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband?" And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife?" And mom said, "He does."
What are the three types of men? Those who communicate Those who care and those who aren't broke.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re:msconfig access problem Dear Webby There are also 5 different Trojans that prevent opening the msconfig box too. I’d bet he has one of them. And they are a booger to clean too. Jerome Daniher Dear Jerome Some searching on Google turned up some info that may be helpful: http://www.techspot.com/vb/topic18481.html Have FUN! DearWebby

What should you do if your boyfriend starts smoking? Slow down.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing for Disaster Create a plan so that your family will be prepared in the case of a disaster. The US Department of Homeland Security offer a free downloadable plan in PDF format. Click here to download the Family Disaster Plan http://www.ready.gov/family_plan.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two friends meet on the street after not having seen each other for some time. One of them is using crutches. "What's the matter with you?" asks his friend. "Bus accident," says the man on crutches. "When did that happen?" "About six weeks ago." "And you still have to use crutches?" the friend asks. "Well," says the man, "my doctor says I could get along without them, but my lawyer says I can't."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: The" target="_blank" >http://www.silk-road.com/artl/silkhisto ... ot;>The story of silk
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Spybot protecting admin 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 2, 2008

The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
Thanks to Roland for this story: My bathroom is in the back of the house and it's hard to hear when anyone is on the property. One morning while getting ready for work, and thinking I was the only one at home, I kept hearing something crawl around under my bathroom floor. Thinking that somehow the neighbor's cat had gotten under the house, I began stomping the floor hard and shouting at the top of my lungs, "Get out of there!" and "Stop that!" Finally, the moving stopped so I finished what I was doing and left for work. When I returned home that evening, I found a note that the exterminators had been there for their annual inspection. I turned to my husband and said, "Honey, do the exterminators crawl around under the house?" He said, "Sure, why?" That's when I burst out laughing. It took me several minutes to tell my husband what I had done. He cracked up at the thought of me standing in the bathroom stomping and shouting, and he said, "It's a good thing he didn't answer you back or you would have keeled over dead!"
Thanks to Joanne for this picture: Dear Webby, Another photo for your consideration. I still haven't learned to correct the size of my photos, but am hoping you will work your magic! Joanne
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorenzo Earl Knight. 22. of Tampa, Florida Sent in by Sandie Dirty Mistake A suspected car burglar in Tampa made a dirty mistake when he hid out inside a Port-O-Let. Tampa Police say 22-year-old Lorenzo Earl Knight broke into two cars Saturday. One of the owners fought Knight and chased him to a nearby construction site. Knight tried to hide in the Port-O-Let, but when the victim found him, he overturned the toilet, dumping huge amounts of human waste on Knight. Knight has been charged with auto burglary and possession of burglary tools. Information from: St. Petersburg Times, http://www.sptimes.com
John was grocery shopping with Jill, and he tossed a bag of chips into the cart. "You don't need those!" Jill chided. "What about those twenty chocolate bars you have in there?" John asked. "IT'S THAT TIME OF THE MONTH!" screamed Jill. "Of course, Honey!", replied John, as he took out the bag of chips and piled a double handful more chocolate bars into the cart.
Thanks to Bill for this: My wife suggested a book for me to read to enhance our relationship. It's titled: "Women are from Venus, Men are Wrong."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re:Admin problem Hi Webby I need your help again. I have a 1 year old computer w/ Win. XP as of late when I go to startup via run- msconfig I get an error message as follows. [ An access denied error was returned while attempting to change a service.You may need to log on using an administrator account to make specified changes] This is new to me since I have been using msconfig for years and never saw this message before. I do not know how to use log on as administrator since I have never used that feature on the last 3 computers. What can I do to get rid of this error. I use Crapcleaner, Spybot, Lavasoft and Avg. So I think I am pretty clean. By the way I got all those progs. from your tips. Thanks + RON P Dear Ron Are you using Spybot to block system changes, even from within ? You may have to take the checkmark off that. Have FUN! DearWebby

A burglar entered the house of a Quaker and proceeded to rob it. The Quaker heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clutter Control: Newspaper, Magazines and Junk Mail Recycle junk mail as soon as you get it to keep it from piling up. Be sure to shred all credit card offers. Recycle newspapers weekly and magazines at least monthly. When the magazine rack is full, you know it's time to get rid of them. Click here for more ThriftyFun clutter control tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Cl ... 9_680.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If Biblical Headlines were written by today's liberal media ------------------------------------------- On Red Sea crossing: WETLANDS TRAMPLED IN LABOR STRIKE Pursuing Environmentalists Killed On David vs. Goliath: HATE CRIME KILLS BELOVED CHAMPION Psychologist Questions Influence of Rock On Elijah on Mt. Carmel: FIRE SENDS RELIGIOUS RIGHT EXTREMIST INTO FRENZY 400 Killed On the birth of Christ: HOTELS FULL, ANIMALS LEFT HOMELESS Animal Rights Activists Enraged by Insensitive Couple On feeding the 5,000: PREACHER STEALS CHILD'S LUNCH Disciples Mystified Over Behavior On healing the 10 lepers: LOCAL DOCTOR'S PRACTICE RUINED "Faith Healer" Causes Bankruptcy On healing of the Gadarene demoniac: MADMAN'S FRIEND CAUSES STAMPEDE Local Farmer's Investment Lost On raising Lazarus from the dead: FUNDAMENTALIST PREACHER RAISES A STINK Will Reading to be Delayed
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Slow Windows start 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 1, 2008
Labor Day!

"Difficulties strengthen the mind, as labor does the body." --- Seneca "Excellence in any department can be attained only by the labor of a lifetime; it is not to be purchased at a lesser price." --- Samuel Johnson
"I see you went crazy at the big summer clearance sale," Wanda comments, as she looks at all the bags of merchandise her friend, Carol just brought home from the store. "You got that right ... I almost bought their elevator 'cause it was marked down."
Thanks to Monique and Leviithecat for this picture: My friend is a wonderful photographer and I thought you might like to add this one to your HumorWebby page? Doesn't it look like a plant that's on fire?! We don't know what it's called I'm afraid. All best wishes Monique and Leviithecat!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 15 year old boy in Palm Bay, Florida Police cite computer rage in teen's arrest PALM BAY, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida say a 15-year-old boy flew into a rage, attacking his mother and older brother over changes made to the family computer. Palm Bay police investigators said the teenager became angry after learning of the computer privilege changes and chased his mother with a knife, pushing her repeatedly before striking his older brother with a sugar cane, WKMG-TV in Orlando reported Tuesday. The teenager, who allegedly told police he had felt threatened by his mother and brother, was taken to the Juvenile Detention Center in Sharpes Sunday. He was charged with aggravated assault and battery and is not likely to have any computer privileges in the near future.
A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is black toast intolerant."
A new man is brought into Prison Cell 102. Already there is a long-time resident who looks 100 years old. The new man looks at the old-timer inquiringly. The old-timer says, "Look at me. I'm old and worn out. You'd never believe that I used to live the life of Riley. I wintered on the Riviera, had a boat, four fine cars, the most beautiful women, and I ate in all the best restaurants of France." The new man asked, "What happened?" "One day Riley reported his credit cards missing!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re:Slow start-up Good Afternoon Webby, My computer boots up slowly. I have run crap cleaner, defraged, ran my McAfee to be sure everything was clean... I only very few icons on the right bottom of my screen. I think these are at start up... (email icon; on-line icon; volume icon). I don't know if any of this will help you...I don't understand all of it, but it may give you a clue to something. I have a Dell Dimension 8400 Series, Intel Pentium 4 Processor 550 at 400 MHz I run XP Professional; service Pack 2 Total physical memory 3.072 MB Available physical memory 2.42 GB Total Vertual memory 2 GB Available virtual memory 1.96 GB Do I need to upgrade something? You've helped me so many times before, I just don't get why the computer has slowed down at start up. Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol That set-up looks OK. About the only change I would recommend is to increase the virtual memory to double the size of the physical memory. You can check and weed out the programs that are called by the Start-Up: Click on Start then Run. In the Open box, type msconfig.exe and hit Enter. Once displayed, click on the "Startup" tab. You will see a list of items in the StartUp. Take the checkmarks off any that look suspicious or frivolous. The programs will still work, they just won't be pre-loaded during start-up. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man drove his secretary home from a late afternoon get-together of coworkers because she was drunk and unable to drive. Since nothing happened along the way between the two, the man decided not to mention the secretary to his wife. Later that evening while the man was taking the wife to a movie, he noticed a high-heeled shoe under the passenger seat. So, he asked her to watch out her window for a parking spot close to the theater. While she was busy looking, he picked up the shoe and tossed it out of his window. When they arrived at the theater and were about ready to get out of the car, his wife asked, "Sweetie, have you seen my other shoe?

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080901@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Money On Clothing When buying clothing for you or your children, try to avoid dry clean only clothing, especially when buying clothing that you plan to wear regularly. It can cost between 5 and 20 dollars for professional dry cleaning which quickly adds up. Read more tips on saving money on clothing at ThriftyFun by clicking here Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks too Sandie for this: Seen in the parking lot of a brand new department store, painted on the ground at a crosswalk in letters four feet tall: YELD. Close, but not close enough. The next week, I drove through the same parking lot and found it was changed. They had painted an I between the existing letters. Now, it read: YEILD. About two months later, they finally fixed it. The old lettering was painted over with black and freshly painted on top of that was the word STOP.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Gigantic City Structures
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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Dear Webby: Pirated XP 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  August 31, 2008

Good advice is something a man gives when he is too old to set a bad example. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni
A minister opening his mail one morning takes a sheet of paper from an envelope and finds written on it only one word: "FOOL." The next Sunday he announces, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgotten to sign their names. But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name but forgot to write a letter."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Goin' to church
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a man named Xu in Fuqing City, China Divine lightning reaction? A Chinese man who swore to God that he didn't owe money to a neighbour was hit by lightning a minute later. The man, named Xu, made the oath in front of a crowd of neighbours in Fuqing city, reports Southeast Express. He vowed that he had never borrowed money from Mr Huang, who claimed Xu borrowed 500 yuan, the equivalent of $75, from him three years earlier. "He borrowed 500 yuan three years ago from me for a friend's marriage gift, but he has denied it ever since then," said Huang, who went to Xu's home to demand payment. "I told him that if he dared to swear to God that he didn't owe me the money, then I would waive his debt," said Huang. Xu made the oath, but was suddenly struck by lightning a minute later. He was immediately taken to hospital where doctors confirmed he had been hit by lightning. He is expected to make a full recovery. ------------------- That sure would revolutionize election cmpaigns if we could get that happening here!
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied, "Our house isn't blue."
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re:Pirated XP Dear Webby, Additionally, Microsoft when it does updates adds a tracking system that will not allow you to get some updates, it has also in the past set a balloon in your icon tray by the clock to annoy the illegal users. There is a way to disable that too. You know I had an illegal copy when my system was built for me. You also know that I went out and purchased a legal XP when I could afford it after 3 years. ... Just thought I would pass this along too. In my opinion, I think they are not concerned of the past items, but are after the big fish that sell the pirated versions. I would not want to try and run an unlicensed copy in a business these days. Lots of people cannot afford the legal version, that is the sad truth, so they opt for free or cheaper copies of software. At least you have given them a way to get around it with the suggestion of the Linux system. Have a good day... Sandra Dear Sandra Yes, especially for a business it is not a good idea at all to use a pirated XP. Even though it may work quite OK, sooner or later some employee will brag or complain about it. Have FUN! DearWebby

It was Little Johnny's first day in a new school, so his father looked up the teacher. He told her that Little Johnny was a good kid but that he was a hell of a gambler. He warned her that Little Johnny might win lunch money from the other kids if he was not watched closely. The teacher did not seem disturbed, she assured the father that she had handled many such problems and was very capable of taking care of Little Johnny's urge to gamble. Shortly after lunch, Little Johnny's father called the teacher and asked her how things were going. "Oh, everything is going very well," she said, "I think I may have cured Little Johnny of his gambling habit." The father asked her what had happened. "Little Johnny absolutely insisted on betting me ten dollars that I had a mole on my rear," she said, "I finally agreed to the bet and took him to the teacher's lounge to show him that I had no mole." "Damn!" His father said. "He bet me fifty dollars this morning that he would have your pants down before the day was over!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 080801@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Toothpaste Tube Clean For a clean tube, try squeezing from the bottom. Then put the cap back on the toothpaste tube and roll up the empty tube as you use it. When you squeeze the tube from the bottom, more of the excess toothpaste is sucked back into the tube. Click Here For More ThriftyFun Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Wonder Ho To ?
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com
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