Dear Webby: Characters that are not on the keyboard, extended characters 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 30, 2009

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. --- Richard Lamm "A man may be a fool and not know it... but not if he is married." --- H.L. Mencken
A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. Amazed, the bartender says: "Hey, you can talk!" "Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble- quack-mumble ?" Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area. "I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says the duck. "You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You could make a mint." "The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies. "What the mumble-quack-mumble would the mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?"
Some goofy quotes to sneak onto your church bulletin board - Sex on the television can't hurt you . . . unless you fall off. - Love thine enemies...it REALLY pisses them off. - I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Three men at the local Funny-Farm are in the office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three ?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three ?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three ?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chris Karamon, of 1307 Hope St., Stamford, CT Pushy Skater STAMFORD -- A 43-year-old Stamford in-line skater is charged with risk of injury to a minor and assault after a confrontation with a father and his two sons over the right-of-way on a path in Cove Island Park Monday morning, police said. Skater Chris Karamon, of 1307 Hope St., was charged with risk of injury to a minor, third-degree assault, fourth-degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace, according to Stamford Police Lt. Sean Cooney. Shortly after 9 a.m. Monday, Karamon was skating down the path when he shouted and cursed at the father that his 4-year-old son on a tricycle was in a designated area for in-line skaters, police said. "Mr. Karamon's contention is that the 4-year-old was on the wrong side of the path," Cooney said. "But the path is for use by everybody and we can't have Rollerbladers or anybody cursing out people." A short while later, Karamon was approaching the family again and collided with the father who shielded his 4- and 2-year-old sons, Cooney said. Karamon fell to the ground, and threw his helmet and water bottle at the father, police said. Several bystanders called police, Cooney said, and another witness intervened to separate Karamon and the father. Karamon was released on $10,000 bond, and is to appear in state Superior Court in Stamford on Oct. 13.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sherry Re: Characters that are not opn the keyboard Dear Webby, When you use the copyright sign and other fancy characters, that are not on the keyboard, how do you make them? Thanks Sherry Dear Sherry You turn on the NUM-LOCK, hold down the ALT key and type the code number of the character on the numeric keypad. When you let go of the ALT key, the extended character appears. The codes are at http://webby.com/char If you have a laptop without a numeric key pad, then it gets awkward, especially if you are handicapped with Vista. In that case, plug any regular keyboard into a USB port, or copy the characters from http://webby.com/char and paste them where you need them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Heard on a WestJet flight: As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creating a School Year Folder Years ago when my kids started school every year I took a picture of each of them the first day of school. I taped the picture to a large manila folder. I wrote on the outside the teachers name, school and who were the friends at that time. I also made a note of the answer when asked "What do I want to be when I grow up". All year long I collected mementos from the school year. I even kept the autographed picture of McGyver. I kept each of these manila folders in a box together. I plowed through them last year and created a school scrap book for each. What an amazing time travel I had and both of them got teary eyed when I gave them their books for Christmas. By Notwrong Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten her name."
» Secret menus
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Dear Webby: Auto-repeat DVDs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 29, 2009

"It is not enough to have great qualities. We should also have the management of them." --- Duc Francois de La Rochefouchaud "The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless." --- Hosea Ballou
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Thanks to Frank for telling us about his fun weightloss program: Clever Scam - taking advantage of older men Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take ad vantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco.
Overheard at the Ohio State / Michigan game last weekend: First mother: "What position does your son play on the team?" Second mom: "I'm not sure. I think he's one of the drawbacks."
Bumpy Ride
Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. The door almost closed, but not quite. Then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a goose hater from Salt Lake City, Utah Goose hater on the loose A man who is in Rochester for a wedding is in custody for allegedly getting mad at one of the city's goose statues, "just because it was a goose." Police Capt. Brian Winters said the 28-year-old man will be charged with a felony for kicking and hitting the goose statue in front of the library on Second Street Southeast. Winters said the statue is valued at $5,500. There's no damage estimate. An officer on patrol saw a man running west on Second Street Southeast about 12:15 a.m. Sunday. He saw the man kick the base of the statue and hit its head. The officer said he could hear the blows in his squad car. The officer stopped the man, who said he had been at a wedding party and was staying in the city. The man is from Salt Lake City. He had a blood-alcohol level of 0.24 percent, police said, and was taken to detox. The goose statue is part of the Goose is Loose public art promotion by the Rochester Arts Council. This is the first report of vandalism to any of the 18 goose statues.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jennifer Re: Auto-Repeat for DVDs Dear Webby, Thank you for all of your tips, I save every one of them! I have a question about "repeated" play with DVDs. When I go to work I will pop a movie into my PC to play for my dogs. The only series with this option is Baby Einstein, other than that I cannot select "repeat play". Do you know how I can do this with other movies? Thanks! Jennifer Dear Jennifer That option has to be made available when the CD or DVD is created. If it is not on the DVD, then you can't select that. Why don't you just put on some Internet TV or Internet radio plus a screen saver? If you send me a bunch of pictures of you and/or the dogs, I can turn them into a screen saver. Have FUN! DearWebby
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Garden From Early Frost No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
» Invisible Man
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Dear Webby, how to rename files to sequential numbers? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 28, 2009

I daresay one profits more by the mistakes one makes off one's own bat than by doing the right thing on somebody's else advice. --- W. Somerset Maugham,
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Little Johnny and his family were having a fancy dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at OUR house." "That's at OUR house," Johnny explained. "But this is Uncle Rodney's house and HIS cooking ALWAYS turns out OK!"
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees . . . What would you do?"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: These bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police Officials in Brisbane, Australia Uproar over naked drill BRISBANE, Australia (UPI) -- Officials in Australia say they are investigating a high-profile streaking incident in which the perpetrators are said to have been five police officers. Five members of the Queensland hostage negotiation-and-bomb squad were suspended this week after allegedly staging at least four naked "Chinese fire drills" on the streets of Brisbane during a raucous Sunday bachelor party. The Times of London reported Brisbane police didn't see the humor in the incident and turned the matter over to an ethics committee. The newspaper said the circumstances go far beyond a lack of clothing. It appears the officers -- who ranged in rank from senior constable on up to sergeant -- were traveling in an unmarked police vehicle at the time and at least one of them was on duty. -------- Well, so what? And tomorrow you expect them to defuse bombs and negotiate with armed hostage takers. That prank rates a chuckle, not disciplinary action!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Numbering files Dear dear Wonderful Webby. Sometime ago you told us how to number many files at one time by just clicking a couple of keys. I didn't need it then but I sure do now! Can you repeat the instructions again please. Thank you. Patricia Dear Patricia There are lots of free renamers available. I tested a whole bunch of them and found Rename Master to be the easiest to use. It is completely free, not a trial. You can download it from Rename Master Have FUN! DearWebby
A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments. After explaining the commandment to "honor they father and thy mother," he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Garden From Early Frost When it's time for frost to hit and we still have veggies that are still producing, we drape sheets or blankets over the veggies before dark. Then when we get up in the morning before the sun is fully out, we take the sheets or blankets off, so as to not bruise the veggies or give them black spot, especially on the tomatoes. By Betsy from Hoagland, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than a minute later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where did we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
» Spiky trees
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby, how do I fix "generic Host Error"? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 27, 2009

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." --- Marcel Achard The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy!"
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral ‘Most Wanted’ criminal nabbed stealing DS games The scene is a Wal.Mart in Fort Myers, Fla., where career criminal at large, Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral, is attempting to leave the store with “video games in his pants and shoes.” A loss prevention officer at the 1619 Del Prado Blvd store confronts him and he tries to flee but the criminal is quickly detained until the police arrived. When police arrive they find $120 worth of Nintendo DS games on the moron. Now this might be an ordinary story if it was just a case of shoplifting, but it turns out that Larson is on the Lee County Most Wanted List after he managed to get out of jail (on another larceny charge on Sept. 5) with a fake I.D. So here’s this guy shoplifting at Wal.Mart with an active warrant for his arrest already outstanding and he gets take down by - of all people - a Walmart Greeter. Larson is a career criminal with two convictions for armed robbery with a deadly weapon in 1999 and 2004, and another 1999 conviction for kidnapping. Larsen later told police that he was going to sell the video games to fuel his long standing heroin addiction. Larsen’s adventure will cost him. He now faces such charges as violating pre-trial supervision, larceny, resisting a property recovery retail merchant, using false identification, forgery, violating parole and all the other charges he faced before he managed to escape jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Sharon Re: Generic Host error Dear Webby; What nice relaxing pic today. Makes me wish I was with them. I stilll get a generic host error message occasionally. I have been told it has to do with some 3rd party programs. Is there a way to block these 3rd party programs? Also what do you know about the new windows 7 that is due to come out in Oct? I still have windows 6. Thanks for all your wonderul humor & tech answers.. Sharon Dear Sharon The Generic Host Error is actually a Windows bug. They even admitted it and wrote a hotfix for it. It is at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/894391 Scroll down to Windows XP, 32-bit versions download and run that hotfix. Windows 6 is Vista You are probably thinking of Windows XP and IE6 Windows 7 is even slower than Vista, and from what the testers write, has absolutely no "Need to have" stuff that XP does not have. Just more bugs and "undocumented features" So, double your money, fold it and stick it back into your wallet. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bumper sticker on a Winnebago with a Florida license plate: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size). Then I freeze it. When I get home from work, all the hard stuff is done and I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly. Valerie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Years ago in a small country store I saw an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father had gone to lunch. He stated "Ma'am, your pail will only hold two pounds." She looked at him as if he were simple minded and said " Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last twentyfive years!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
» Anatomy 101
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Dear Webby, what is an Affiliate? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 26, 2009

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition. --- William Arthur Ward One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations. --- Steve Allen
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 

You can even make these 120 videos your first 
Affiliate Marketing venture, and make a pile of money before
the weekend is over. You even get a sales page with your code,
send your friends to it, and for every one of them, who is smart
enough to grab this exceptional deal, YOU get $7 into your
PayPal. 

Do you realize what that means?
If you have ONE smart friend, your cost of getting into business
is paid back! 

If you have TWO smart friends, 
then your business shows a NET PROFIT!

How many of the people, to whom you forward jokes and
pictrures, are smart enough to invest $7 in their own future?
You probably didn't pick ALL of them just for their looks,
and you might be in a much higher tax bracket before the
weekend is over.

Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
A friend who prides himself of being an amateur psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and the hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thanks to Sue for sending this picture: Last trail ride to the landing on Lake Diefenbaker for 2009
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Swedish Government vehicle inspector Vehicle inspection driver crashes iconic Ferrari A Ferrari worth 3 million kronor ($434,000) was left nursing a crumpled front end after a hapless Swedish motor vehicle inspection driver took it for an impromptu spin. Before the crash The Ferrari F40 had been recently imported into Sweden by Von Braun Sports Cars in Skene in southern Sweden and was duly subjected to a routine registration inspection in nearby Kinna on Thursday. But when the state-owned Swedish Motor Vehicle Inspection Company (Bilprovningen) driver sat behind the wheel of the powerful Italian sports car something went seriously awry and the vehicle lurched into a fence in the test area. "It is not an easy vehicle to handle, if you are not used to it. A thoroughbred you could say," Torbjörn von Braun, CEO of Von Braun Sports Cars, told The Local on Friday. The red Ferrari sustained damage to its front end in the crash which left the driver shaken from his experience. "I spoke to him yesterday and he wasn't feeling too good about it, I don't think he would have slept much last night," von Braun told The Local. The issue of reponsibility had not yet been established. "It is an issue for our insurance company." While the vehicle is a rare "collector's item" von Braun explained that the damage is repairable and the car would be back on the road before long. "Had it been performing on a race track they would have had the body part ready and replaced within 20 minutes. It is expensive, but can be repaired," he told The Local.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:William Re: What is an Affiliate Seller? Dear Webby, Lately I read a lot about Affiliate sellers making ridiculous amounts of money, and your 120 videos deal looks like something like that. Can you please 'splain it in small words? Thanks William Dear William It is actually quite simple, so simple that most people worry about a hidden catch or complication. There isn't one. You find a product to promote, become an affiliate of hat company, they give you a number, and you ask people to use that number when they go buy the product that you recommend. As soon as they buy, you get your commission. Some products, like for example MailWasher, pay a very small, barely noticeable commission, but I have promoted them for four years for free before they set up an affiliate system, because I like their product and because I think it will make your life easier. Other products pay up to 100% commissions for a first sale, and plan to make their profit on the customer coming back for other stuff that they also sell. The 120 videos is one of that type. When you buy the video bundle, they ask you for your PayPal address (not the password), and give you a URL to promote. That URL has your code in it. When you send your smart sister there and she buys the video bundle, her $7 come directly to your PayPal. If she is the chatty type and sends HER URL to her 35,000 Twitter followers, and 20,000 of them are smart enough to buy the video bundle, she makes a cool $140,000 bucks and tells you to get off your butt and do the same. It is not a complicated MLM deal. You don't get a share of her earnings. You simply get the commission on the people, whom YOU drag in out of the rain. With most affiliate deals a ready made page is provided for you. It has your code built in. You don't have to do anything except send the URL of YOUR page to your friends, sit back and observe which ones are smart enough. That can be a very amusing eye opener! You can, of course also advertise any way you want, except for spamming. If you get caught spamming, your number gets cut instantly. Any other method of advertising is fair game. Just don't dawdle. Otherwise your smart sister will get to all those people before you! Congratulations to the people who were smart and swift enough to already jump at that 120 videos video bundle, just from the brief mention yesterday. Fastest way to pay off the mortgage! Have FUN! DearWebby
Not far from here we have a friend who raises Brahma Bulls. I asked how he got them to breed so well, since he has a very nice herd. He said that he gave the bulls potency pills. I asked what the pills were made of. He said "I don't really know, but they taste a little like a saltine."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Rubber Gloves Into Rubber Bands What do you do when your rubber cleaning gloves get a hole or one of the pair is lost? Don't throw them away. Cut them into strips. They make great heavy duty rubber bands. Put them around hardcover books; they will stay together. Newspapers won't get loose even in a bad wind! They work great in attaching bean poles together. But they will crush tender vines, be careful! By Tim from Science Hill Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon." "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A distinguished clergyman and a friend are playing golf. It is a very close match, and at the last hole the two are only one stroke apart. The clergyman tees up, addresses the ball, swings his driver with great force -- and slices the ball deep into the woods. The clergyman glares and bites his lip. His face turns crimson, but he says nothing. His opponent looks at him for a moment and then remarks, "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard."
» Beever pavement art
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Dear Webby: SWF Player 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 25, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

As a retired Theologian with many years experience, I have concluded that most people earnestly desire to serve God -- In an advisory capacity. --- Dr. W.C. Farmer
DUMBWAITER: Waiter who asks if the kids would care to order dessert AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has changed 600 diapers to make love again. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained broccoli.
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied. "Tell him . . . mother didn't come after all."
Thanks to Carolyn for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Davor Ivanovic, Croatia Radio show catches out cheating hubby A cheating husband was caught out - when his wife arranged a live call from his favourite radio programme as a birthday treat. Davor Ivanovic was supposed to be alone on a business trip to Zagreb, Croatia. But when DJ Barbara Kolar called his room a woman answered and said he was taking a shower. When he came to the phone he claimed the woman had been his wife - while his furious real-life wife Jasna was listening in on another line. Ignoring pleas from radio staff to keep quiet she screamed at her hapless husband: "Who are you with?" And stunned Davor shouted at the show hosts before hanging up: "Why have you done this to me? We have kids."
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Ella Re: SWF player Dear Webby, I bought a $697 course that consists of access to whole bunch of videos. It's easy enough to log in and watch them, but I want to be able to watch them at the cabin, where I can't go on-line. I managed to capture them, but they are in SWF format. Should I buy a converter to convert that to MP3 or wmf, or is there an affordable SWF player available? Thanks Ella Dear Ella I use SWIFF. It is a free and hassle free SWF player. It even offers to become your default SWF player during the installation. Put a checkmark on that, and your SWF worries are ancient history. It doesn't overreach it's territory and try to grab authority over files it can't handle like Quiccrap or Windows Media Player do, but it handles SWF files perfectly, often better than the original on-line player. You can download SWIFF free at Swiff It is not a bait and switch trial or teaser, but the full program. They don't even beg for donations! I have been and am quite impressed with Swiff. By the way, if you are interested in a video course that has 120 videos teaching you all aspects of making money with an Internet business, click on http://webby.com/120 I bought into it and you can now get the entire series of 120 videos for $7. It is worth about $700, but for a few days you can get it there for just $7 If you are in the least bit interested in making money on the net, grab it quickly before the price goes back up to $700. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his laptop again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filter for Potting You can use a paper coffee filter to put in a flower pot to cover the hole, before putting the soil in. It keeps the soil from running out when being watered. By Gracie Pie from Astor, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said, "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you lazy bum! Get out of bed!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A robust-looking and very well dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you beat me up and had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you for the same chore again."
» Pianolady
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Dear Webby: Internet Radio 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 24, 2009


"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." --- John Lennon
Thanks to Dianne for this story: After staying up far too late one night watching football, my husband fell asleep in his chair in front of the television. He looked so comfortable I couldn't bear to wake him and just let him spend the night there. In the morning, I shook him awake and said, "Get up, it's twenty to seven." Without missing a beat, he said, "Which team has twenty?"
First Hunter (panting): "I just met a great big bear in the woods!" Second Hunter: "Good! Did you give him both barrels?" First Hunter: "Both barrels? I gave him the whole gun!!"
Thanks to Trish for sending these pictures: Bondi Beach Sydney Australia early today 23.09.2009 Sydney Harbour Bridge Australia early today 23.09.2009 Sydey Australia early today 23.09.2009
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristopher Wayne Kuster of Crestview, Florida Stolen property recovered with thief's wallet inside CRESTVIEW — On Sept. 17, deputies responded to a home on Pandora Drive that had been burglarized. Over 16 items were stolen valued at a total of $4,150. Among the items were several guns, knives, money and a camera, according to a report from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. Following the initial investigation, the victim informed officers that his neighbor had found a gun case hidden underneath some azalea bushes. Deputies speculate that the case was to be picked up at a later time. The victim identified the case as his and several items inside the case were also identified as his. Deputies also found a black wallet containing a chrome chain with the Florida Driver’s License and Social Security Card for Kristopher Wayne Kuster. Deputies went to the address listed on his license, which was approximately 300 yards from the victim’s home. An interview was conducted with both Kuster and the woman he was living with. The woman provided information about seeing the stolen property and the time-frame that Kuster left to commit the burglary. Kuster was taken into custody and later provided information on the woman he was living with that was an accomplice in the act. Kuster was arrested for armed burglary, criminal mischief and grand theft.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Adriane Re: Internet radio Dear Webby, We moved and I don't at all like the local radio stations. You once mentioned some Internet radio, but at that time I was not interested. Is there one that is safe and does not require joining anything or buying a special player? Thanks Adriane Dear Adriane Accuradio is safe and works just fine with FierFox or IE6, and probably many other browsers too. You don't need any special player. Just open a fresh browser window, browse to that link, select one of the about 20 channels, adjust the volume and size that window down to credit card or stamp size, so that you just see the volume and the skip control. Then open a separate browser window for your regular stuff. If you just open it in a tab, it is harder to find, if you need to silence it quickly for a voice call. The volume control on it is independent of your main volume control, and it doesn't interfere with Skype calls. You can leave it playing. However, with landline or cell calls on hand sets that have a very small microphone and greatly amplify the input, you will need to pause the radio. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?" The little girl said, "I don't know..... I haven't learned how to cook those yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Shelves in Front of Your Windows If you need more space and have no place to hang shelves you can hang open-backed shelves in front of your windows. In the kitchen, this is a great place to store colored glass ware (like depression or cobalt glass) because the sun looks great shining through the glass. And in a craft room you can put clear plastic shoe boxes with your crafts inside. Just remember to never store fabric or things that can absorb moisture on a window shelf, but window shelves are a great place to store your pottery, dishes and glasses! By CDR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After the plane reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Calgary to Denver. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD, NO, AHHH!!!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing! ............He should see the BACK of MINE!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Thanks to Ethel for this one: Dear Webby, want to make a tasty and nutritious meal out of those left-over banana peels? Put them in a coffee can and bury them to a depth of two feet. Leave them there all summer. When you dig them up and open the can, the odor is so bad that it will actually cause birds to fall from the sky. Cook birds at 400 degrees for half an hour. Sincerely, Ethel.
» Australia
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Dear Webby: Which defragmenter? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 23, 2009


Press: "How did you find America?" --- John Lennon: "Turn left at Greenland." [During an interview with The Beatles.] You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position, you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, "Yes we made good time, but look, that little red tanker got here first and is ready for us already!"
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam.
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Morning-Mist-on-Lake-Diefenbaker
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesse Williams, 28, of Petros, Tennessee Woman, 75, shoots burglar, rescues son PETROS, Tenn. (UPI) -- Authorities in Tennessee's Morgan County said a 75-year-old woman shot and wounded a man who allegedly broke into her son's home and fought with him. William Angel, chief sheriff's deputy, said Jesse Williams, 28, allegedly broke into the Petros home of David Brandenburg, 43, Thursday night and the men began fighting, the Knoxville (Tenn.) News-Sentinel reported Friday. Angel said Ruth Robbins, 75, Brandenburg's mother and next-door neighbor, heard the commotion when the fight spilled into the yard. The deputy said Williams assaulted Robbins when she initially tried to intervene, leading her to shoot him in the leg. Williams was treated and released from a hospital. He was charged with burglary, aggravated assault and simple assault. Angel said Robbins will not face any charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Lu Re: Which Diskeeper Dear Webby, I remember that you have recommended "Disk Keeper" as a way to improve my computer's performance. I went on their site through your site, and would have bought it, but there were SOOO many versions I wasn't sure what to get. I have three computers on my network, one of which is my netbook. Of course, I'd like the cheap one, but not if it isn't going to improve the whole network. I'd be happy to buy you two cups of coffee if I could do something to help all of my little computer friends. >/i> Dear Lu The version you need is Diskeeper 2009 Professional You COULD use three individual packages. Together, they cost just as much, but don't give you central management. With Diskeeper 2009 Professional you can control from your main machine when each machine is defragmented and how. None is missed, and all are running at top speed. The proper defrag and optimizing that Diskeeper does makes your hard drives outlast the rest of the machine. I have not had a single drive crash since I finally got DisKeeper about ten years ago. Incidentally, Diskeeper 2009 Professional is the version I use myself. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he just had to tell his parents: "I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas! There wasn't a fat Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys who smoked camels had to deliver all the toys!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save With a Vacuum Sealer Five years ago, I brought a vacuum sealer on sale for $20. We save a lot of money using by resealing snack packages and breaking down family packs of meat into smaller portions. Since 2006, we've experienced an economic downturn that forces us to shop out the freezer. If we had to buy one now, we couldn't. I'm thankful we turned to frugal living while we had money. By Drawlee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was. He told me and I went inside for happy hour!"
» Origin of state names
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Dear Webby: Needs help for dealing with spam 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 22, 2009


If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. --- Henry J. Tillman All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. --- Richard Phillips Feynman
First Farmer: I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty. Second Farmer: Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch? First Farmer: Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I simply quit a half hour before I heard it.
An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes,shore kin." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, mon, how big is your teapot?"
From my office window
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Avari D. Baker, 29 and 32-year-old Leonard L. Harris of Freeport, Ill 2 Men Struck, Killed Fighting On Wis. Highway DARLINGTON, Wis. (AP) Authorities in southern Wisconsin have released the names of two Illinois men who were struck and killed after their fight spilled onto a highway. Lafayette County sheriff's officials say 29-year-old Avari D. Baker and 32-year-old Leonard L. Harris of Freeport, Ill., were passengers in a vehicle driven by a Darlington woman. The driver pulled over along Highway 78 near the state line after the men began arguing. The two men got out and started fighting on the highway and were struck about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday. Sheriff's deputies say the men were pronounced dead at the scene. The driver of the vehicle that hit the men was taken to a hospital for minor injuries. Two children in her car weren't hurt. The driver of the other vehicle was cited for drunken driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Bonnie Re: help for dealing with spam Dear Webby, I don’t know that this is the right address for this question – please correct me if there’s a better one to contact you – but can you tell me how to block spam in my gmail? I can’t find whatever I might need to do that, and I’m getting nearly 50 every day – easy to delete but I’d rather stop them to begin with, if possible. Many thanks for your daily letter! I vote every single day and I was appalled when you recently posted the percentage of folks who vote. They should be ashamed – and I have spoken! Bonnie in Candia, NH >/i> Dear Bonnie! You can just hit REPLY on the Humor Letter to write me. Easier on the typo finger '-) I use MailWasher . Because I have used the same addresses for 15 or so years, and had them exposed on many web sites, they are probably on 10,000 spammer's CDs. So I get between 5,200 and 6,000 spams every day. Do I care? Nope. MailWasher nukes them right on the server. I only see the pretty graph, if I want to look at it and grin, but I don't see the spam. Google is actually pretty good at cleaning your gmail. If 50 a day slip past it's filters, you probably get a fair amount of spam. Remember to dump the spam folder now and then, so that you don't run over the 7 GB limit. (or whatever size they set as your limit) You CAN make some very crude and basic filters in gmail, but those are mostly for preventing legitimate, but spammy looking, mail from going into their spam folder. With MailWasher you can make intelligent and complicated filters really easily. For example, I made one that dumps any mail that has Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Arabic or Cyrillic characters in it, without showing them. I can't read those anyway, so It just quietly murders them in the dark. Or all the junk I get with humor@webby.com forged in as the sender address. If it has that address as the sender, but the Subject line does not start with "Humor: ", then it murders them, unseen, on the dark side of the web. . You can even bounce mail back at the sender. You don't use that against spammers, they always forge the sender address anyway. But you can use the bounce against your mother-in-law, so that she thinks you changed your email address ;-) With the MailWasher filters you can play with IFs and BUTs and BUT-NOT-IFs and HOWEVERs and really get creative. You don't need any code for that. It's more like a game. You select your weapons! For example select: CONTAINS / DOES NOT CONTAIN, AND / BUT-NOT, and so on. This may sound complicated here in email, but once you start playing, it immediately makes sense and is actually quite fun! Plus it does it's own filtering and cleaning before it even shows you what is left over. In addition to all that, you can let MailWasher check a whole bunch of different email accounts. With the amount of mail I get, it would never finish downloading, if I tried spam filtering on my computer. Life is so much easier when the dirty work is done for me on the dark side of the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up Webcam for a Virtual Birthday Party Our grandchildren live out of state and we couldn't be there for our Grandson's 5th birthday, so we sent all the party favors and money for food and presents. They set up their web-cam and we set up ours and we watched the whole thing! It was just like being there, two thousand miles away! We could hear all the goings on and talk with them too! It's the neatest thing ever. By Ariela from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the personnel department, air conditioning is handled by somebody upstairs." "Well, can't you do SOMETHING religious?", she whined. So he got up and started taking a collection.
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Thanks to Dianne for this story: An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly. She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch. When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?" Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing." "Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
» TV Online
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Dear Webby, does McAfee slow down your computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 21, 2009


Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. --- Janet Long The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson
Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. The deer are all safe. Next time pray for the hunters!"
A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Daturas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Mylett, 23 of Bradenton, Florida Definitely too drunk to drive Manatee County, Florida - A man stopped for reckless driving and driving without headlights in Bradenton is in jail this morning after deputies say he backed his pickup truck into one of their cars. Manatee County Sheriff's investigators say 23-year-old Matthew Mylett was pulled over around 2 a.m. Sunday on State Road 64. They say Mylett put his truck into reverse and backed into Deputy Josetta Coleman's patrol car, causing about $2,000 in damage. Deputies say Mylett failed a field sobriety test. He is charged with DUI.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Margee Re: Does McAfee slow down your computer? Dear Webby, Question about McAfee. Does it slow down you computer when running ordinary programs? Or is it only a problem on rare occasions? Thanks, Margee :) >/i> Dear Margee You can schedule the scanning for times when you are not doing anything strenuous, however, a scan doesn't slow down things very much anyway. The update downloads naturally slow down other downloads, that you try to do at the same time. If you are downloading a 2 GB movie at the same time, on slow dial-up, it all has to come through your modem. If you are trying to do some fast shopping at the some time, it will be frustratingly slow. But that is because your modem can handle only so much traffic. That applies to ANY virus protection, not just McAfee. McAfee probably sends updates a bit more often than others, but on a fast connection you barely notice it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Celebrate! Develop a sense of occasion! Life is so much nicer when broken up with little celebrations, for birthdays, anniversaries and the other holidays throughout the year. You don't have to fall victim to the advertising hype. Just have simple but heartfelt festive touches and maybe some feasting! Being careful with your money doesn't mean that you have to be grim! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual. We'll hose him down and try to sober him up in the morning."
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Right outside her front door, Joe's mother had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," Joe's wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine."
» Sound Waves
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Dear Webby: AVG and Avast 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 20, 2009


"No wife can endure a gambling husband - - unless he is a steady winner." --- Thomas R. Dewar
A party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open grave. He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight. A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell into the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful. As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: "You'll never get out of here." - He did!
One day, while giving with my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter a ride to some event downtown, I honked the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I told her, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't say '@#$%&!' after beeping, like mom does when she beeps!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Looks like it is going to rain soon!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Inspector Adam Busil of the Papua New Guinea police Police hunt banana sex cult leader Police in Papua New Guinea are hunting the leader of a cult who promised villagers a bumper banana harvest if they had sex in public. The man and his followers fled naked into the wilderness when police tried to arrest them at the weekend, the Post Courier newspaper reported. It said the villagers in Morobe province had been promised their banana harvest would increase 10-fold every time they had sex in public.It said the cult leader was wanted for a range of alleged offences over the past four months, including threatening people and illegal sexual activity. Inspector Adam Busil said officers had surrounded the man's hut but he refused to come out. The suspect then made a dash for freedom with about seven naked followers. "He used his two wives as a human shield to avoid being shot at by the policemen," he said. "They were called on to surrender but they refused." --------------- The inspector wanted the cops to shoot him, because of sex in public? What a bonehead!
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Kathy Re: AVG and Avista Dear Webby, What do you know about AVG and Avast? Kathy Dear Kathy They are "Better than nothing at all" virus and malware protection programs for people, whose data is not worth the $30 a year, that McAfee costs. If somebody is never searching for anything and accidentally landing on a bad site, and if they just have easily replaceable games on their computer, then they can often get away with just those programs for years. However, if you get into business seriously enough to use a business email based on your business domain, then I would highly recommend that you get McAfee. I get mail quite frequenty from people who relied on those programs and assumed they were safe, but only maybe once every five years from somebody who got infected, even though they had McAfee, and then usually because somebody had turned McAfee off to speed up a file transfer from a peer to peer music sharing site. Have FUN! DearWebby
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Local Museums For Free Museum Day In Sept Visit the link below to find out which museum nationwide near you is part of the Smithsonian Museum Day on Saturday, September 26, 2000 and has free admission! http://microsite.smithsonianmag.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in- law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It sure goes down rough!" "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
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During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
» Hema
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Dear Webby: Reorganize and clean up the startup list 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 19, 2009


It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall. --- John Wayne Men have become the tools of their tools. --- Henry David Thoreau (He must have been talking about golfers, not computer addicts!) Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Pend Orielle County WA
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mitchel L. Legg, 26 of Richmond, Indiana Officers sniff out pot, gun 26-year-old visits RPD for permit, but marijuana odor arouses suspicion, leads to arrest Mitchel L. Legg got the $50 back that he paid Thursday with his application to carry a gun. He also was arrested on a charge of carrying a gun without a license. Legg visited the Richmond Police Department at 11:30 a.m. to fill out an application. Officers and staff members noticed a heavy marijuana smell as he was doing the paperwork. "He reeked of marijuana, so they patted him down," said Chief Kris Wolski. "Officers (Heather) Edwards and (John) Lackey were aware that things just didn't add up. It's a good thing they did." That's because the patdown discovered that besides marijuana, Legg was carrying a .22 semiautomatic handgun. "It (gun) was in a little nylon holster under his shirt," Wolski said. Legg, 26, of 327 S. W. 17th St., was arrested and lodged in Wayne County Jail at 12:15 p.m. on a Class D felony charge of possession of marijuana and a Class A misdemeanor charge of carrying a handgun without a license. He was released after posting a $750 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Carol Re: Reorganize and clean up the startup list Dear Webby, I'd like to ask you about Startup and what we should have (as a minimum) checked and what we should not have checked. I also need to know the easiest way to change these settings. I'm afraid that if I take an "x" off of the box, it will lock up my computer and I won't be able to start it up again. Is there a web site that I could go to for these answers? I know this is simplistic for you, I'm learning everyday! Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol I use StartupCop from PC-Magazine Utilities for that. Here is a screen shot of what I have in my start-up: You can temporarily disable items and see if everything works OK. There is a short link to it in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools. Just scroll down until you see a sheriff's badge. That link is straight to Startup Cop. If you go to the PC Magazine Utilities, you can eventually find it there too, but try not to get sidetracked and download three hundred utilities that you will never get around to use or read the instructions for. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds: "According to Zen, change must come from within."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Negotiate Payment Plans for Bills When dealings with your bills, remember; everything is negotiable, even utility bills. I have lived in the same place for 20+ years with the same account so I find that I can negotiate payments for my phone, gas and electric bills. Always ask for a payment plan! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- whom can he tell...?"
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Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "OK, I'll tell him."
» Sharpie Decor
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Dear Webby: Computer restricted to Solitaire 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 18, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. --- Douglas Adams Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers
Serena requested a re-run of this story: In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students? "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I would like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "Well, no, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, I suppose it isn't really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that his wife was banging Plato.
A A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will have no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and gets out onto the soft shoulder. The car goes off in a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and yells: "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you better let him ride with me before you kill him wisch your recklesch drivin !"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture Sunset in Mt. Baker National Park
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa. Burglar leaves his Facebook page open MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped to check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings. Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday on one count of felony daytime burglary. According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary. She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window. There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar. The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer. The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer. The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate. During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house. Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's. The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there. He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused. As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail. If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Computer restricted to Solitaire Dear Webby, Is there anything you can suggest for my friend's computer It will not let her do anything except play " solitaire " when she turns it on? She had a pop up asking her to press a button if she didn't want to get a virus. And she pressed the button. Thanks,Great Granny Vi Dear Great Granny Vi If the silly ninny slums around at yahoo, and does not have reasonable protection, then that's what she gets. Her computer is under control by hackers and used to send out spam. Millions of people hate her guts now for lending her computer to the spammers. Next time you get spam, thank her! An expert can probably restore the machine to her control, but I doubt she has any chance of doing that herself, if the hackers limited her to Solitaire. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man spent his weekend ice fishing without a single bite. As he's going home cold and dejected, he stops at a fish store on the edge of the lake and asks for four pike. He tells the clerk, "Pick out the four largest ones you have and throw them at me, will you?" "OK," the clerk says. "But why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because," says the hapless fisherman, "I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Run Your Mower Out of Gas Before Storing If you have a gas lawn mower, every time you use it, before storing it, make sure the mower runs out of gas. You'll stop the carburetor from gumming up. Also, they make a fuel additive for lawn mowers, that helps clean the carburetor. This will make the mower easier to start the next time. Remember to change the air filter regularly. More so in dusty conditions. By Terri from NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties."
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As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I know you'll never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "YOU, Billy-Bob, YOU really are going to be getting up in time, and not only that, but making your own bed every morning?"
» Frankfurt Auto Show
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Dear Webby: How do I remove the JunkNavQuar virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 17, 2009


You are not paid to work hard. In fact, you are not paid for effort at all. You are paid for results. It's not what you do; it's what you get done." --- Larry Winget:
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving."
When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to J. Dante Krauss, 45 in Ocala, Florida OCALA - An alert Marion County Sheriff's Office deputy spotted a nude motorcyclist driving near Interstate 75 and State Road 200 in Ocala early this morning. "I thought the driver of the motorcycle was not wearing clothing," said Capt. Moshoji "Mike" Rolls, who followed the silver motorcycle to investigate. At about 12:30 a.m., the motorcycle driver, J. Dante Krauss, 45, headed north along I-75 and exited at Highway 40 in Ocala. When Krauss ran a red light, Rolls stopped him and confirmed that the man was not wearing clothes. Asked where he was coming from, Krauss said, "I don't know." But he admitted he had been drinking, according to Marion officials. He smelled of alcohol and his eyes were watery and bloodshot, according to a report. According to the police video at http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/loc ... 6936.story the black deputy was cracking up laughing, so the white, female deputy interviewed the drunk at length, while he was standing there, butt naked, by his bike. "The defendant could not explain why he was not wearing any clothing," said Judge Cochran, a Marion County spokesman. Later a deputy located a shirt for Krauss and a shawl on the motorcycle's handlebars was used to wrap around Krauss' waist. Krauss underwent field sobriety tests and then was arrested for driving under the influence. His blood alcohol level was .178 after a test, officials said. Tuesday morning's arrest was Krauss' fifth for DUI. He was released from the Marion County Jail at about 1:17 p.m. today and probably won't repeat that until after dark..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dale Re: Junk NavQuar Dear Webby, I have read your letter for several years now, had plenty of laughs, voted, and learned a lot from your Tech tips. You answered perfectly a question I had a few years ago but now I have a bigger problem. McAfee tells me I am infected by Junk NavQuar. They cannot remove it but they send a message that what they have done often disables the program. It tells me "no action required" but when I scan the computer, the infection shows up again. I can't seem to find out exactly what the infection is and what it may do. Spybot doesn't catch it. Can you help? Dale Dear Dale Junk-NavQuar is an ancient virus from 2004. Possibly it has been dropped from the list of viruses, that McAfee removes routinely. 1) Go to my tool box and grab the "Command prompt here" add-on. 2) search for 'Whistler.vxe' and write down where it is located. 3) Restart your computer and start pressing the F8 key on your keyboard. On a computer that is configured for booting to multiple operating systems, you can press the F8 key when the Boot Menu appears. Select an option when the Windows Advanced Options menu appears, and then press ENTER. When the Boot menu appears again, and the words "Safe Mode" appear in blue at the bottom, select the installation that you want to start, and then press ENTER. In Safe Mode open the File Explorer, (not Internet Explorer!) and browse to the location that you had written down. Go one level up, so that that folder can be selected, highlioghted and right-clicked. One of the options in the right-click menu will be the newly installed: "Open a DOS command prompt here". That will open a good old-fashioned DOS screen. Yes, deep down inside, the DOS engineis still there, even in VISTA. You could also get the command prompt by hitting START, RUN, typing cmd and hitting Enter. However, then you would have to manually navigate to the location where that file is. Once the prompt shows that location, type attrib -r -a -s -h Whistler.vxe and hit Enter. then type del Whistler.vxe and hit Enter. then type exit and hit Enter. reboot to normal mode and you should not have that problem any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
To get acquainted with his new Parish, a new Priest decided to call on some different parishoners every day. One he selected was a young widow, whose husband had died two years ago, according to the index card he had. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't...."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Robert wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and quit cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic!
» Still tasty
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Dear Webby: Printer not communicating 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 16, 2009


The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. --- Sam Levenson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl
A man is taking an English class where the instructor is discussing the Greek origins of many English words. "Tell me," he says to the class, "what do the words 'monogamy' and 'monotony' have in common?" From the back of the room comes a gravelly voice: "They're synonyms."
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Breakthrough!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to guards at Chiswick Business Park in London, England Fishbrain guards concerned about toys frightening fish LONDON (UPI) -- A 9-year-old boy was in tears after security guards at a London park informed the child he could not use his toy boat in a local pond, his grandfather says. Paul Fabricius, 57, told The Mail on Sunday when his grandson, Noah Bailey, attempted to play with his model battleship in a Chiswick Business Park pond, park security guards stopped him based on unspecified regulations. "We were informed that the business park had rules, albeit undisplayed, and they had to be enforced and that included toy boats and dogs paddling," Fabricius said of the recent incident. Fabricius said when he questioned a guard about the ban on toy boats, he was told the toys can potentially frighten fish in the pond. "It's just nonsense. How can it frighten the fish? It has only got a tiny electric engine. It gets overtaken by the ducks!" Fabricius told the Mail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruby Re: Printer not communicating Dear Webby, Thank you for your help in the past - but some way I've managed to mess up again. I'm getting a message that the computer and printer are not communicating. I've tried everything suggested except reloading the printer info and I'm not sure where that is or I'd have done that! Any more ideas? You need to be charging ignorant imbeciles like me, you'd make lots of money!! Really enjoy the humor letter and recommend it to my friends. Thanks once again, Ruby Dear Ruby "not communicating" indicates that either 1) the printer is off or has no power, or 2) the printer cable is not plugged in on both ends, or 3) one of the printer doors is not closed properly, or 4) the printer has died, or 5) you selected a printer that you used to have, but don't any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Try Tobacco String Instead of Crochet Thread When crocheting things like a bed spread, you can buy Tobacco string and use it like crochet thread. It comes on a cone and a lot cheaper then the crochet thread. You can buy it at the stores that sell seeds and feed for cattle. The thread is cotton. By Doris from Randleman, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LEAF RAKE !"
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A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
» Spider Silk
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Dear Webby: Which browser? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 15, 2009


"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." --- Sir. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. --- Clive James
A teacher asks his fifth-grade students to write an essay telling what they would do if they had 5 million dollars. Each of them begins scribbling away immediately -- all, that is, but one little boy who sits idle, looking out the window. When the teacher stroll around the room he sees only one short sentence on his sheet. "What is this?" the teacher asks. "Is this your essay? Everyone else has written two pages or more, and you have done nothing." "Well," the little fellow replies brightly, "read it. That's exactly what I would do if I had 5 million dollars." The teacher bent down and read: "Hire someone to do the work for me, especially the writing."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture. Walter stayed at this hotel in Avila, Spain, last night. Strictly business, he says. Apparently some client wants the same type of stone work on his porch. So, before spending a few hundred hours chiseling around on expensive rock, Walter goes to see how they did that sort of thing in the 16th century. One stone carver once told me, that the secret of the ancients is to hit the chisel with your hammer, not your hand.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clumsycrooks.com under attack According to unconfirmed reports the popular clumsycrooks.com site had to yield to attacks and had to shut down, hopefully only temporarily. The rumors claim, that the attack was because they showed this picture:
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randy Re: Which browser should I write pages for? Dear Webby, When designing web pages, which browser should they be designed for nowadays? I obviously don't have to worry about Netscape any more, but what is most popular these days? Thanks Randy Dear Randy That shows the overall popularity for last month. If a page looks fine in FireFox, it will usually show fine in Chrome and Opera too. Those stats are for last month. FireFox is expected to go over the 50% mark some time this month. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two intrepid explorers meet in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. Says one, "I'm here to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?" The second explorer sighs deeply. "I came because my wife has begun violin lessons."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Yourself to Something Homemade! When you feel like going shopping to buy yourself a treat; give yourself a homemade gift instead. Make a nice cup of tea, cook yourself something yummy, write a poem, plant seeds/seedlings, paint a picture, do your own nails, make a beaded bracelet, make a collage. It will save you money but fulfill your need for a treat. By Kay from Tamarac,FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A psychiatrist has been treating a woman's husband, and one day he tells her, "I have good news. Your husband is cured. He will no longer go around thinking he's Napoleon. His original personality has returned, and he is now himself again." "What?" she says angrily. "Before, my husband was someone important. Now I'm going to be the wife of a nobody!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!"
» Best inventions of 2008
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Dear Webby: Camera pictures too big for hotmail 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 14, 2009


It is easier to fight for one's principles than to live up to them. --- Alfred Adler There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written or badly written. --- Oscar Wilde We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like? --- Jean Cocteau
This bluehaired lady in a nursing home stands up and raises her fist in the Rec Center one day and says, "Whoever can guess what's in my hand can have sex with me tonight". A little old smart-ass in the back of the room yells, "an elephant". She yells back, "Close enough, you win!!!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 65 year old German in Schoengleida No more flying OR driving A drunk German pilot had to be guided to land by a rescue helicopter after he radioed the control tower to ask where it was 'hiding'. The 65-year-old amateur pilot had allegedly drank beer and wine before taking to the skies above Thuringia in his Cessna light aircraft, reports the Daily Telegraph. Once airborne, he served himself some cocktails while at the controls. Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the Schoengleida airfield was. "Come on, I know you're down there," he radioed. "Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?" Control tower staff say he also sang a few songs, cracked a mother-in-law joke and told them to "pull their fingers out as I've got a party to go to". The tower scrambled a rescue helicopter which homed in on the Cessna 50 miles west of the airport and gave instructions for the pilot to follow it back. Officials at Schoengleida said the pilot, who has not been named, made a safe landing. The man was unsteady on his feet and smelt of alcohol as he wobbled from the cockpit to his parked car. Concerned airfield authorities alerted police. He was stopped on the way home, breathalysed and found to be nearly four times over the legal limit for driving. Now he has lost his driving licence - and his pilot's licence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leona Re: Pictures too large for hotmail Dear Webby, We just got a new camera and I download my pictures on to the computer. When I try to send them in an e-mail, it always says that the picture is too big. Can this be fixed by a setting on the camera, if not, how do I resize them on the computer. My camera is a Cannon digital. Thanks Leona Dear Leona Most email prorams from the last millenium, like your Hotmail, were not designed with today's cameras in mind. DON'T mess with the camera settings! Try to change the file size that your email program sees as potentially too large. When Hotmail was written as a web based alternative to the POP email programs Eudora and Pegasus about 17 years ago, that file size would have indicated that you accidentally attached Windows to your email, and in the days of 7.2 KB/s dial-up, it would have locked up your and your reipient's email for a day. Eudora and many other email program let you set the file size that triggers the alarm. Nowadays 10 MB is a common setting for that. If you need to shrink the size of the picture or the file size, use a graphics program for that, not the camera! There are hundreds of graphics programs available on the net, most of them are free, and some of them good enough that they are sold for real money. My recommendation is PSP (PaintShopPro). You can get older versions on eBay for $5 - $50. My favorite is version 7, even though I have version 12 on one of my machines. With that you can, for example, crop the face or flower in the right upper third of the picture, and still get an 800 x 600 picture at the original fine resolution. If you had trashed down the size and resolution on the camera, that crop would look like a coarse stamp. So, in summary, ALWAYS leave the camera set for highest resolution and largest size, and process the picture afterward. Have FUN! DearWebby
Each Friday night I drove my wife to the station for the train to Weimar, CA, so she could visit HER sister who was ill. Ten minutes later, MY sister arrived by train from Sacramento to manage our household over the weekend. On Sundays this procedure worked in reverse with my sister departing by train ten minutes before my wife arrived. One evening after my sister left and while I awaited my wife's arrival, a porter sauntered over. "Mister," he said, "you are sure some man! But one of these days you are goin' to get caught!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserving Game Boards and Pieces When my family purchases new games with game boards, before they play the first game, I use wide, clear packing tape and reinforce corners of both the bottom and top of the game box, and any inserts inside the box. I also place a strip of tape down the back side of the folded gameboard to give it extra strength - no more broken boards or untidy, ruined boxes! I then place as many as needed ziplock bags into the box to store games pieces after use. This really extends the life of the game for many generations! Games are expensive these days - try it! By Tracey from Thomasville, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Back in my day, they hadn't invented electricity. We had to watch television by candlelight.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A little boy's mother decides that it's time her 10-year- old son has a savings account so that she can teach him the value of saving. The boy agrees, and the two of them go to the bank together. When they get there, the mother says, "It's your account, so you fill out the application." The boy is doing fine until he comes to the space for "Name of your former bank." He pauses to think, then scribbles, "Piggy."
» Wildlife
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Dear Webby, are X10 caeras any good? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 13, 2009


Life is something that happens when you can't get to sleep. --- Fran Lebowitz Verbosity leads to unclear, inarticulate things. --- Dan Quayle, 11/30/88 The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner
An 87 year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical. A few years later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with a gorgeous young lady on his arm. He stopped to talk to him: "You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said doctor, "Get a hot mama and be cheerful." The doctor said, "I didn't say that! I said 'you've got a heart murmur.Be careful'."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 4 klutzy thieves in Bennington, Vermont. Thanks to Tom for sending this info: One way to infamy Four people were arrested over the weekend after trying to take a 100 percent stake in a large chili pepper. They were trying to steal the green and red chili pepper logo from the roof of a Chili's restaurant in Bennington, Vermont. And that is our last word in business today: hot property. The heist involved 470 feet of extension cord. They ran it from an outlet at the Home Depot across four lanes of traffic and up to the roof of the restaurant. One of the thieves was using an electric drill to try and remove the logo from the roof of the restaurant, but the alarm system went off - who knew that the chili pepper would be alarmed - went off around 4:30 in the morning alerting police. One suspect allegedly wanted to give a friend that red hot chili pepper. They are in jail now.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Are X10 cameras any good? Dear Webby How good are those wireless X10 cameras? I saw an ad that had six cameras with turn and tilt and an interface to TV, PC and the Internet for about $300. Could they be used for nature photography? And how good are their low light cameras? Anna Dear Anna Those cameras are definitely not for Big Screen movies. They are security grade cameras, they show what is going on and people are recognizable and identifyable. Naturally, at that price and size and wireless technology, the pictures are rather coarse. The low light zoom camera is totally unbelievable. Moonlight or a quarter mile away street light makes the scene look like daylight. Again, picture quality is not suitable for high gloss fashion magazines, but you can definitely recognize and identify people, or see what kind of mischief the kids are up to out in the dark yard, while you are doing your emails. Nature photographers love them, because they are wireless, easy to set up, -just lay them on a rock or tree branch-, and use them to observe and plan, or to see when to hit the remote control for their big $5000 camera, The big $5000 camera is not limited by what can be transmitted in real time. It stores the high res pictures on a 16 GB memory chip in the camera. As long as you use them the way they were intended to be used, you will be quite impressed. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Sunday School teacher asked her class, "Does anyone know what we mean by sins of omission?" A small girl replied, "Aren't those the sins we should have committed, but didn't?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apartment Hunting Tips When I search for a new apartment I keep the following things I want in mind: 1. Opt for no corner units as you are heating and cooling 2 walls instead of one and there is no wind-break on corner units. Try choosing a unit in the middle of the building. 2. Most apartments only have windows, patio doors on one side of the unit (unless of course you choose a corner unit); so by choosing a unit that does not face the West and is in the middle of the building (especially in the summer) you do not get the direct heat of the afternoon sun; therefore helping save on your A/C (electric) bill. By Donna from Roanoke, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." "So what's the answer?" my friend asked him when we were out of earshot of the freshmen. The guide replied, "One."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and politely asks: "Would you like to dance?" The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did, I wouldn't dance with you." The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I said 'You look fat in those pants'."
» Luberon Valley
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Dear Webby, I can not transfer scans from printer to computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 12, 2009


"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family .... in another city." --- George Burns There is no distinctly American criminal class - except Congress. --- Mark Twain Politics is the art of preventing people from taking part in affairs which properly concern them. --- Paul Valery
Scrawled across the dorm wall were the words, "Question Everything!" A couple of days later someone added one word, "Why?"
Thanks to Roland for this picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Seth Joiner, 32, of Fort Pierce, FL One way to infamy STUART — A pink “Salt Life” bumper sticker played a key role in helping investigators apprehend a Fort Pierce man accused of robbing a pharmacy of prescription drugs, a police spokesman said Thursday. Seth Joiner, who turns 32 Thursday, entered the CVS pharmacy in the 2600 block of Northwest Federal Highway on Tuesday and announced a robbery, police said. He demanded oxycodone pills and threatened the pharmacist with a knife before fleeing in a four door teal green Honda with a pink “Salt Life” bumper sticker — details noted in a news release issued with a surveillance photo of the suspect after the incident. “I guess marketing is everything,” Sgt. Marty Jacobson said Thursday. “Someone saw that bumper sticker and recognized that car.” Tipsters contacted authorities, and a detective following up on those tips ended up arresting Joiner, of the 1100 block of Binney Drive in Fort Pierce, on Wednesday. “It was the pink bumper sticker in the back window . . . that jarred the caller to call us,” Jacobson said. Jacobson said Joiner, who was booked into the St. Lucie County jail, confessed to the crime. Joiner pretended to be a customer before donning a stocking mask and gloves and approaching the pharmacist, police said. Joiner faces charges including two counts of aggravated assault and single counts each of trafficking in oxycodone and robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Paul Re: Can not transfer scans from printer Dear Webby This box appears at every startup. Cannot find this (0x800106ba.) anywhere. nothing I can find in startup program. a red X. Then: application failed to initialize: 0x800106ba. a probem caused this service to stop. restart etc. now : I cannot scan or copy from my HP Photosmart C6180 printer to my computor. It ind. that there is no "location " to copy to. Have deleted and reinstalled the software and drivers from the disk from HP. In that process I found no location to enter one. any words of wisdom?? oh da--...... forgot to mention have Vista home. Now you won't talk to me ?? Paul Dear Paul Even before you mentioned dumpster-ware, I suspected SP3 or Vista. That problem happens to 20% of XP-SP3 and Vista users. Apparently Microsoft is happy that 80% don't have that problem, and HP has pretty well the same attitude. They are not planning to write new drivers for machines, that have already been paid for. If you connect the printer to an old XP, it will transfer scans just fine. The solution is to format an old XP klunker, re-install XP, network it to the machine with dumpster-ware, and use it as a print server and for back-ups, and whenever you need a fast and reliable machine. You can use a KVM switch (Keyboard / Video / Mouse) that lets you operate both machines with just one keyboard, monitor and mouse. You simply hit ALT and NUM-LOCK, and keyboard, monitor and mouse toggle to the other machine. Yeah, I know, it's pretty sad, when you have to use your old truck instead of the shiny, new sidewalk scooter, but at least it works. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Hanging Towel in the Kitchen To save on paper towels, and land fill. Tie a hanging towel in the kitchen. They are hard to find, but easy to make. I use mine, when cooking and cleaning the whole time. I have been dong this to save money, for years. By Laura from Spartanburg, S.C. Laura, they are not hard to find at all, if you look for "Kitchen Towel". It's just the name "Hanging Towel", that has gone out of fashion. For example Home Depot sells 10-packs of kitchen towels for $12, but often puts them on sale for a lot less. Sawed off Jeans legs work quite well too. Just split them apart at the seams, bleach them and dye them whatever color you want. Old Jeans are extremely absorbent and can take any kitchen abuse. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale (and some advertising on the web) were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, a bluehaired lady punched him square in the jaw, and knocked him around a bit, before he was thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up the second time, he said to the person at the end of the line, "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I'm not opening the store!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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After being with his blind date all evening, the man couldn't take another minute with her. Earlier, he had secretly arranged to have a friend call him to the phone so he would have an excuse to leave if something like this happened. When he returned to the table, he lowered his eyes, put on a grim expression and said, "I have some bad news. My grandfather just died." "Thank heavens," his date replied. "If yours hadn't, mine would have had to!"
» Hubble 09/09/09
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Dear Webby: AOL blocking sites 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 11, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

What were you doing this morning, 8 years ago, 
when the world changed?

I will always remember that morning, 8years ago today,
when all phones started ringing, just as the music got cut in mid song
on the radio and the morning DJ blurted and stuttered about the attack.
And everybody on the phone had the same message. And the emails
poured in like crazy! Within minutes people were sending pictures 
and movie clips of the attack. And I was just as frantically sending
them on.

Even though I was shocked by the cowardly attack, what affected 
me the most was how everybody pulled together instantly. 
All over the world! For example, the first picture I got from 
a client in Europe. On THAT day, there was unity.

DearWebby

"Love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward together in the same direction." - Antoine de Saint Exupery "Love doesn't make the world go 'round. Love is what makes the ride worthwhile." - Franklin P. Jones "Better to light a candle than to curse the darkness." - Chinese Proverb
On a Cathay Pacific 747 in Taipei, the following announcement was heard over the cabin PA system: "Ladies and gentlemen, we are overbooked and are offering anyone $1,000 plus a seat on the next flight in exchange for their seat on this flight......" and continued after a brief pause, "to anybody, except the crew of the plane."
California wild fires
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gilles Catoire, mayor of Clichy-la-Garenne, France One way to infamy Patrick Balkany, the conservative mayor of Levallois-Perret, made the D909 one-way to cut the commuter traffic flowing through his district. But Gilles Catoire, the Socialist mayor of neighbouring Clichy-la-Garenne, complained this increased congestion in his area. So he declared his section of the road one-way, but in the opposite direction, reports the Daily Telegraph. With contradictory road-signs in place, police had to be called in to sort out the resulting commuter chaos, road rage and gridlock. Patrick Strzoda , the governor of the Hauts-de-Seine departement, has now ruled that Mr Balkany was in the right and that Catoire needs to smarten up.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: AOL blocking sites Thanks to Jerome from http://www.spiritscents.com/postcard.html for some good advice for Charlotte, Irene, Myrna and all those who use free or almost free AOL accounts, and are getting harassed and censored by AOL: Dear Webby I have been getting e-mails from my customers about this AOL censoring for about four or five months now. And of course if you talk to their "tech" support, (Mujibar bin Taliban), they aren't censoring anything. I have found that it is only through the AOL browser, that they can censor the card sites. If the person uses Internet Exploder, or FireFox, Opera or any other browser it works perfectly well. So it is definitely something in the AOL front end censorship causing the problem. Take care and have a great day! Jerome Maybe AOL is trying to ease them out gently, and preparing them for the real Internet? Have FUN! DearWebby
Shakey went to a psychiatrist. "Doc," he said, "I've got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I think there's somebody under it. I get under the bed, I think there's somebody on top of it. Top, under, top, under ... you gotta help me, I'm going crazy!" "Just put yourself in my hands for two years," said the shrink. "Come to me three times a week, and I'll cure your fears." "How much do you charge?" "A hundred dollars per visit." "I'll sleep on it," said Shakey. Six months later the doctor met Shakey on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see me again?" asked the psychiatrist. "For a hundred buck's a visit? My bartender cured me for ten dollars." "Is that so! How?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ripening Tomatoes Ripen homegrown tomatoes on a rubber shelf liner. We bought our house 2 years ago and the woman that lived here before me left her rubber shelf liners. I hated the stuff, but also hated to throw it away. I came up with this idea. The rubber cushions the tomatoes and the holes let air circulate around them. It also keeps the tomatoes from sitting in juice from a weepy tomato. You can also put towels, newspaper or paper towels under the rubber liner to soak up the juice from the weepers. When it gets dirty, just throw it in the washing machine with a little bleach. Happy Summer bounty everyone! By Jessie Lou from Wooster, AR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." The operator pauses. "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor . . ."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Last night a few friends and I were in a bar, telling all the Taliban jokes we knew. After a while I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old porcelain. While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me, "Hey you! I'm Afghan and I don't like you telling all those Afghani jokes!" So I said, "Well, they're not against you, just about Taliban." "My mother is in Afghanistan!" He screams, and pulls out a razor. For a moment there I was quite concerned. I wasn't sure what he would have done, if he had found a place to plug it in!
» Folk Art
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Dear Webby: AOL censoring sites 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 10, 2009

You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer If we don't change direction, we'll end up where we're going. --- Socratex
An elderly retired couple were driving down the East coast, when they stopped in Georgia for a fuel stop. The elderly woman was very hard of hearing, and usually asked her husband to repeat everything. An elderly station attendent came to the car and started filling the fuel tank. Making idle talk, he asked if the man liked the weather, to which the man replied, "very much". What'd he say?, asked the woman. "He asked if I like the weather, and I told him yes", replied her husband. "Where are you-all headed", asked the attendant. "Oh, we're going to Jacksonville", he repied. "What'd he say?", asked the woman. "He asked where we're going, and I told him to Jacksonville", the husband replied. "Where are you-all from", inquired the attendant a few moments later. "Oh, we're from Maine," the man replied. "Ah, I was in Maine for two years while I was in the Air Force, replied the attendant. In fact, I dated a girl from Maine while I was there. It didn't last long though. I have to tell you, that girl was the worst cook I ever knew." "What'd he say?" inquired the woman. "He said he thinks he knows you," replied her husband.
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items. She headed for the express line where the clerk was talking on the phone with his back turned to her. "Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out, please?" The clerk turned, stared at her for a second, looked her up and down, smiled and said, "You are looking just fine, don't worry."
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: North Country
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Stephfon Bennett, 20, of Columbus, Ohio Robber returns to ask for a date COLUMBUS, Ohio — Police said they arrested a robber on Sunday after he returned to his victim's home to ask her out on a date. According to investigators, Stephfon Bennett was one of three men who robbed a couple on the city's north side late Sunday night, 10TV News reported. Less than two hours after the robbery, police said that Bennett, 20, returned to the home and asked Diana Martinez out on a date. "We are not exactly sure what he was thinking at the time," said Columbus police Sgt. Sean Laird. "She recognized him right away when he returned and was able to have her cousin call 911." Martinez told 10TV News that Bennett asked her if she had a boyfriend and wanted to go out on a date. Officers arrived and arrested Bennett in front of the house, police said. Stephfon Bennett faces aggravated robbery charges. The other two men suspected of breaking into the home remained at-large.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Charlotte Re: Can't get to Hicards Hello, you have a problem with your site can not get on line with your ecards. Charlotte Dear Charlotte You have to either ask AOL support to stop blocking you from going to http://hicards.com, or visit a friend, who is not handicapped by AOL. Anybody, who is on the real Internet, can go to http://hicards.com without any problem whatsoever. http://hicards.com does not block anybody. Hicards is a clean, family safe site and welcomes anybody and everybody, without any exception. I have no idea why AOL is blocking you from going to http://hicards.com. That is strictly between AOL and you. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day, while a woodcutter was cutting a branch of a tree above a river, his axe fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" The woodcutter told Him that his axe has fallen into water. God went down into the water and reappeared with a golden axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The woodcutter said "No". God again went down and came up with a silver axe." "Is this your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "No". God went down again and came up with an iron axe. "Is this your axe?", God asked. The wood cutter said "Yes". God was pleased with the man's honesty and gave him all the three axes. The woodcutter went home happily. One day while he was walking with his wife along the river, his wife fell into the river. When he began crying, God appeared and asked him, "Why are you crying?" "My wife has fallen into water." God went down into the water and came up with Jennifer Lopez. "Is this your wife?", God asked. "Yes", he said. God was furious. "You cheat! I will curse you......", God scolded. He quickly said, "Forgive me My Lord. It is a misunderstanding. If I say "No" to Jennifer Lopez, you will come up with Catherine Zeta Jones. If I also say "No" to her, you will finally come up with my wife and I will say "Yes". Then you will give all the three to me. I am a poor man. I will not be able to look after all three. So that's why I had to say "Yes" before things got too expensive!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"So you claim this man just walked up and hit you with malice forethought?" asked the lawyer. "Look, smart alec, I know all about you lawyers and your tricks. You can't mix me up that easy," replied the elderly man. "I said he hit me with his fist, and I'm sticking to it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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"How's your mother," a friend asked. "Not good," I answered. "She's got chronic frontal sinusitis." "My goodness," the friend said. "Where did she get that?" "Reader's Digest. Last month's issue."
» Stone home, 700 years ol
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Dear Webby, my PC is slowing down! 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 9, 2009


To succeed in the world it is not enough to be stupid, you must also be well-mannered. --- Voltaire One of the lessons of history is that nothing is often a good thing to do and always a clever thing to say. --- Will Durant
A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, exactly the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
Jill chewed out her husband at the company Thanksgiving picnic. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I tell them I'm just filling up the plate for you!"
Thanks to Gary for this picture: Friendly BBQ inspectors at Lake Merwin on the Lewis River in SW Washington not far from Mt. St. Helens
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Latreasa Goodman, 27, of FORT PIERCE, Fla 911 call because McDonalds was out of Chicken Nuggets Angered that her local McDonald's was out of Chicken McNuggets, a Florida woman called 911 three times to report the fast food "emergency." Latreasa Goodman, 27, called police to complain that a cashier would not give her a refund. When cops responded to the restaurant, Goodman told them, "This is an emergency. If I had known they didn't have McNuggets, I wouldn't have given my money, and now she wants to give me a McDouble, but I don't want one." She was arrested and the Police pressed charges for misusing the 911 system.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Hank Re: PC slowing down Dear Webby, My PC has come down with the slows. I use Uniblue Registry cleaner. I have tried cleaning up everything and trying everything I can Think of. I do not have a fast system as my PC is several years old. I use Firefox. I was doing just fine until a week or so ago and not everything Hangs up or works like molasses in winter. I would appreciate any help you can offer Thanks again! Hank Dear Hank Age means nothing to a PC. My five or six year old XP PC runs circles around any brand new Vista machine. I realize that some recent Microsoft patches slowed things down a bit, maybe they are trying to slow XP down to the speed of Vista, but it is still quite acceptable. What are you using to defrag the hard drive? I use DisKeeper, and have for many years. If you keep about 20% of the hard drive free and use DisKeeper, you will see a very noticeable increase in speed. Naturally, I also use CrapCleaner to keep the RAM clean. You might also check your email program and weed out old attachment and embedded stuff. That can really bog things down. And keep the IN, OUT and TRASH folders reasonably small. Have FUN! DearWebby





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Dear Webby: How to transfer pictures from the camera to the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 8, 2009


An American is a man with two arms and four wheels. --- Margaret Thatcher Tradition is what you resort to when you don't have the time or the money to do it right. --- Kurt Herbert Alder Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain
Thanks to Sandie for this one: I was in the express lane at the store quietly fuming. Completely ignoringthe sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped into the express line pushinga cart piled high with groceries. Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come forwardlooked into the cart and asked sweetly, 'So which six items would you like to buy?' ----------------- Something similar happened at the store where I shop. The cashier processed six items, then hit some key that shut the till down and closed the exit gate, and said, she had to go look for the manager to get special authorization to process more items than the lane allowed. And left. I did too. Met Mary, the cashier, outside in the smoker's nook and shared a good laugh. When Mary told me that she was the shift manager, we lit up a second smoke. By the time we got back inside, the 250 item bimbo had gone to a different till.
A burglar, needing money to pay his income taxes, decided to rob the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading: "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the knob." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust anybody anymore!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: That'll do for lunch. Then we'll get serious.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott T. Loher, 21, of Croydon, Pennsylvania Habitual Robber no match for 80 year old wellness fan. A violent would-be robber beat and threatened to kill an elderly man while trying to steal the 80-year-old’s car in the parking lot of the Wellness Center in Warrington Monday night, police said. Scott T. Loher, 21, who police described as being formerly of Croydon, was arrested shortly after fleeing the scene of the 9 p.m. assault on the 800 block of Easton Road/Route 611. According to authorities, Loher approached the victim as he walked to his vehicle and demanded the elderly man’s car keys. Loher told the man he would shoot and stab him if he didn’t surrender the keys. The man refused, and Loher launched an assault that resulted in a bone in the man’s face getting fractured, said police. The victim was treated and released from an area medical facility, according to police. Loher was sent to Bucks County Prison following an arraignment before on-call District Judge C. Robert Roth, who set bail at $50,000. Loher is charged with the following felonies: robbery, robbery of a motor vehicle, theft by unlawful taking and attempted theft by unlawful taking. He also faces a misdemeanor simple assault charge.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marnie Re: Transferring pictures from the camera Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you mentioned the right way to transfer pictures from a camera. Since I didn't have a digital camera then, I didn't pay attention. Now I do, and need that info. Thanks Marnie Dear Marnie The best way is to take the memory chip out of the camera, and sticking it into the chip reader slot on the computer or into a chip reader plugged into a USB port. If you connect the camera with it's 6 Volt system to the 5 Volt system of the USB connector, the camera will try to charge the computer up to 6 Volts. Naturally, the camera batteries lose that battle and they get drained down to 5 Volts in seconds. They still work, but that valuable top is gone, and the number of pictures you can take on that charge or set of batteries, is drastically reduced. Have FUN! DearWebby
I boarded the train and took my seat. The seat next to me was empty, but not for long. A young mother boarded with her 4-year-old daughter and Mom sat down in the seat beside me. I offered my seat to the little girl but Mom said no, she'd sit the young one on her lap. So here I am holding my roses, now with a little lady straining to see what I was holding. "What ya got, mister?" she asked. (Mom is getting a bit flustered and tells her to mind her own business.) I leaned the "package" over a bit and she looks and says loudly, "Ohhhh, ROSES!, who are they for?" (Now, Mom is embarrassed and tapping her on the rear telling her to sit down.) I said, "They are for my secretary". She says again with a loud voice, "WOW, pretty RED ones, and a lot of them, too! You WEALLY must have squewed up!" Needless to say, nearly everyone on the train was in stitches, except Mom, who was now trying to crawl between the seats!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Less Toilet Tissue Sometimes (especially for children), it's easy to use more toilet paper than you really need. Although I don't have kids, I've found I use a lot less toilet paper by keeping a bean bag (or something similar) laying on top of the toilet roll. The bean bag just needs to be lifted slightly when you pull off the sheets you need and it makes me conscious of what I'm doing! Source: Just trying to save a few pennies here and there! By Peggy G. from Yulan, New York Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A minister, having served the same church for many years, decided to leave and take a better paying position in another church. Without telling anyone he had made this decision or writing a letter to the congregation, he waited until Sunday morning to announce his resignation in church. When he spoke to the congregation he said, "The same Jesus that called me to this church many years ago has now called upon me to leave and serve another church." The choir all stood and sang, "What a Friend We Have in Jesus."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in. He said, "Look, I just want to give a message to a friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, then I'll be right out." "Alright," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying."
» Sounds of UK
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Dear Webby: camera batteries don't last 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 7, 2009


Happy Labor Day! If all the cars in the United States were placed end to end, it would probably be Labor Day Weekend. --- Doug Lars It is a curious thing... that every creed promises a paradise which will be absolutely uninhabitable for anyone of civilized taste. --- Evelyn Waugh You can't prevent the birds of sorrow from flying over your head, but can prevent them from building their nest on it. --- Socratex
A city lot was fenced off and a big 962 loader was busy excavating and loading trucks one scoop per truck. Amongst the people watching from the sidewalk, an old union man complained: "That is taking bread out of the mouths of union people's kids! A hundred good men with wheel barrows could do that work." A little old lady standing there replied enthusiastically:" Yeah, or a thousand with soup spoons and buckets!"
Waxing eloquent on the sins of the flesh, the dynamic young preacher who had more enthusiasm than experience with the new echo-cancelling lapel microphone, raised himself to full height, leaned over the pulpit and boomed, "Bwothers and sifters, if hare are any among yooo, who have committed adultewy, may your tongue stick to the woof of youw mouf!"
Just-Friends
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lorna Jeanne Dudash, 51, of Aloha, Oregon 911 abused to get a date A woman in Aloha, Oregon, called 911 because she thought a deputy who had just visited her house on a complaint was good-looking. After her neighbors reported a noise complaint, two sheriff's deputies knocked on Lorna Jeanne Dudash's door. One of them caught her eye. When they left, Dudash dialed 9-1-1 in a desperate attempt to get the deputy she described to dispatchers as “a cutie pie” to return. She said that she didn't have an emergency; she just wanted the dispatcher to “throw the cute one back her way”. The “cute” deputy returned, and, once he determined there was no legitimate emergency, he arrested Dudash for misusing 9-1-1. He now has her complete contact information. Dudash faces a fine of up to several thousand dollars and up to a year in jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: Camera batteries don't last Dear Webby I bought the Canon PowerShot that you recommended some time ago. It works great, but it eats batteries like my wife eats diet pills. Even though I am buying the cheapest batteries I can find, it is starting to get rather expensive. Is that a common problem with that camera? Eddie Dear Eddie No, that is a problem with cheapscates. Camers need a reliable, steady and fairly high voltage. Cheap batteries drop in a fairly straight line, and for low power applications like a clock or digital thermometer will often last longer than expensive batteries. However, in demanding applications like cameras, that need a burst of real power to drive the lens carriage out, the voltage quickly drops below the level that the camera electronics need. When the camera tells you to replace the battery, a cheap Alkaline battery will still power a digital thermometer for a year. Expensive batteries like CopperTops or Energizer Platinum stay high in an almost flat line for a long time, and then drop steeply. Once they drop, they are garbage. They stay up and usable in a camera four to five times as long as cheap batteries. But they cost only twice as much as cheap batteries. So you save money buying the more expensive ones. You save even more by buying really expensive Nickel Metal Hydride rechargeable batteries. They stay flat on top even longer than copper-tops, then fall like switched off. After that, you can re-charge them, again and again. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man started to snore in his seat at the opera. "Please stop snoring," the usher pleaded. "You are disturbing the others." "Look, buddy," the man said angrily, "I paid for this seat and I'll do whatever I want." "Yes Sir," said the usher. "But you are keeping everybody awake."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free TV at Hulu.com Hulu.com is a free website where you can watch movies, TV shows, missed episodes; all for free with no membership. By Diane from Denver, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

During a friendly argument, my husband asked me why I married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," I teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, I requested an explanation. "People get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A young preacher was once contacted by the local funeral director to fill in last-minute and hold a graveside committal service at a small local cemetery, for someone who had died with no family or friends. The preacher started early and set out on the rural route, but quickly ended up lost after making several wrong turns on poorly-mapped country roads. He finally arrived a half-hour late, and saw that the hearse was nowhere in sight, and the workmen were eating lunch in the field. The pastor walked to to the open grave and found the vault lid already closed and in place. Taking out his book, he proceeded to read the service to commit the soul to eternity. As he was returning to his car, one of the workmen turned to the other and said, "Do you think maybe we should tell him that was the septic tank...?"
» Belize
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Dear Webby: Blog versus web site 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 6, 2009


Men who never get carried away should be. -- Malcolm Forbes
Father: "Son, I'm very worried about you being at the bottom of your class." Son: "Don't fret Dad. They teach the same stuff to both ends."
In a way, colleges & insane asylums are both mental institutions. The major difference being you have to show some improvement to "graduate" from an asylum.
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Chinese-Raccoon-Dog
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lloyd Virgil Barclay, 51, of Philadelphia, PA Robber left wallet and ID at the bank BETHLEHEM, Pa. (AP) - Authorities in eastern Pennsylvania say they have identified a suspected bank robber using the wallet he left behind. Bethlehem police say 51-year-old Lloyd Virgil Barclay held up a KNBT branch on Wednesday morning, making off with $800. But Barclay forgot his wallet, which police say he placed on the teller's counter when he presented a note demanding money. The wallet had two photo IDs, a Social Security card and a Philadelphia criminal registration card. Police say the ID pictures match Barclay's image in surveillance footage. Barclay, of Philadelphia, has been charged with robbery and other offenses. He is black, 5 feet 8 inches or 5 feet 9 inches tall with a gold tooth in the front of his mouth. He was carrying a purple backpack, wearing a Baltimore Ravens baseball hat, and is expected to show up at another are bank soon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re: Blog versus web site Dear Webby 'splain to me the difference between a Blog and a Web Site, in the concise and short way only an ornery old curmudgeon like you can do it. Lu Dear Lucille In short, a blog is a Blimey LOG, not a web site, even though some thilly twits, who can't afford a web site, are trying to use a blog as a poor kid's substitute for a site. . A blog is a travel-log, diary, scratch pad, where you casually record the events of the hour or the day, stuff that you might forget by the time you get home. Some of the best Blog ramblings MIGHT make it onto the site, and get framed properly there, for thousands of generations to enjoy, but most of the blog is just disconnected ramblings. Just like a diary, a blog is organized CHRONOLOGICALLY. You can make references and links to your site, proper, where stuff is organized thematically. That is the modus operandi for the blog. To send people to your site! On the blog you giggle and laugh and joke and show cleavage, and entertain the folks. And when their resistance is down, then you sneak in a few links to your site, proper. Trying to pervert a blog into a thematically organized site substitute is thilly. There should be absolutely no duplication of the site, but lots of references to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
During a children's sermon the pastor asked the children what "Amen" means. A little boy raised his hand and said: "It means --- "Annnnnd They're Offf, racing for the parking lot!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. Deposit the money into a federally insured online savings account and you can earn as much as 5% on your money. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Kyle and Justin were about to eat with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle said, "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man was sitting alone in his office one night when a genie popped up out of his ashtray and said, "And what will your third wish be?" The man looked at the genie and said, "Huh? How can I be getting a third wish when I haven't had a first or second wish yet?" "You have had two wishes already," the genie said, "but your second wish was for me to put everything back the way it was before you made your first wish. Thus, you remember nothing, because everything is the way it was before you made any wishes. You now have one wish left." "Okay," said the man, "I don't believe this, but what the heck. I wish I were irresistible to women." "Funny," said the genie as it granted his wish and disappeared forever. "That was your first wish, too!"
» Mountains Away
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Dear Webby, is Snopes credible? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 5, 2009


Happiness is a way station between to little and too much. --- Channing Pollock
Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment, then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, Peter and Gladys were looking at a new living room suite in the furniture store. Peter says to the salesman, "We really like it, but I don't think we can afford it." The salesman says, "You just make a small down payment... then you don't make another payment for six months." Gladys turned on him with her hands on her hips and demanded, "Who told you about us!?""Who told you about us!?"
Howard County Police officers still write their reports by hand, and the data is entered later into their database. One theft report stated that a farmer had lost 2,025 pigs. Thinking that to be an error, the data entry tech called the farmer directly. "Is it true, Mr. Smith that you lost 2,025 pigs?" she asked. "Yeth," lisped the farmer. Being a Howard County girl herself, the tech entered: "Subject lost 2 sows and 25 pigs."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bank of America in Tampa, Florida Dumber than dirt bank Bank turns away man who couldn't provide thumbprint TAMPA, Florida -- A Florida man born without arms says a Tampa bank would not let him cash a check because he couldn't provide a thumbprint. Steve Valdez didn't have an account at a Bank of America location in downtown Tampa, where he tried to cash a check from his wife last week. However, Valdez has prosthetic arms and is unable to provide a thumbprint. He says he presented two forms of identification but was still denied. He tells the St. Petersburg Times a bank manager told him he could either come back to the bank with his wife or open an account himself. Bank of America spokeswoman Nicole Nastacie says the bank has apologized to Valdez. Nastacie says the bank should have "offered alternative requirements if an individual is not able to give a thumbprint."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jack Re: Snopes Dear Webby I have enjoyed your site used your links and even bought stuff from your advertisers. I have asked other COMPUTER questions, but I don't know where to go with this. I have used this site for years blindly, now this. I really respect your opinion. Do you know anything about this site? Thank You for all your work and knowledge over the years. I am a loyal reader and fan of yours Jack Falk Fwd: Snopes Snopes--Eye Opener Dear Jack Snopes has lost all credibility during the last election campaign, when they revealed themselves as rabid and hysterical pinko socialists, and deliberately bent the truth a few times too often. http://truthorfiction.com/ is much more accurate, and they don't try to twist everything to a Socialist / Communist slant. Have FUN! DearWebby
During an award ceremony the wife of Spain's ambassador to Washington asked former Sen. George Mitchell if he could make his speech a bit longer, since the ambassador had still not arrived from the airport. Mitchell replied: "I spent years in the U.S. Senate, Madam. I can speak on any subject for any length of time -- usually on a subject about which I have no particular knowledge."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed on school mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! They're crispy and chewy and my son loves them! By Julie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"Eight long years of college." moaned the budding Yuppette from behind the counter at McDonalds. "And just who has it gotten me?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A student comes back to the dorm and finds his roommate near tears. "What's the matter, pal?" he asked. "I wrote home for my parents to send money, so that I could buy a laptop. They sent me the laptop." he moaned.
» Cowboys
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Dear Webby: Free windmill 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 4, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

In the republic of mediocrity, genius is dangerous. --- Robert G. Ingersoll The more you observe politics, the more you've got to admit that each party is worse than the other. --- Will Rogers
A real estate salesman has just closed his first deal, only to discover that the piece of land he has sold is completely under water. "That customer is going to come back here pretty mad," he says to his boss. "Should I give him his money back?" "Money back?" the boss roars. "What kind of salesman are you? Get out there and sell him a houseboat!"
A wealthy woman is giving a garden party, and several well-to-do guests attend. While the party ensues, two gardeners are out on the back lawn working. One of the guests was watching the gardeners do their thing, and while one gardener was busy weeding the other jumped up and did graceful swirling dance movements. Taken by his grace, the guest remarked to the host, "That man is such a talented dancer, that I'd pay him a hundred pounds to demonstrate his dancing before my aerobics class!" When the host asked the first gardener about such an arrangement, he yelled, "Hey Fred! Do you think for a hundred pounds you could step on that short rake again?"
Thanks to Ross for this picture: Don't worry, it's just Scientists studying how to get grants.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Thomas Zeilinski, 22 in jail in Michigan Robber sues victims CLINTON TOWNSHIP, Mich. - The criminal is finding new and legal ways to victimize the people he ripped off and threatened to kill. "Ridiculous," says a loyal and longtime customer of Nick's Short Stop Party Store regarding 22-year-old Scott Thomas Zeilinski decision to sue the store owner and some of the clerks after he, Zeilinski, was shot during an armed robbery. Zeilinski is serving an 8-22 year sentence for the robbery that happened in November of 2007. According to police and court records, Zeilinski came in wearing a mask and carrying a knife that he put to the throats of several employees, threatening to kill them before stealing cigarettes and cash. As he was leaving--reportedly still making threats--one of the young clerks grabbed a gun and shot him in the arm and back. Zeilinski's lawyer says his client is asking in excess of $125,000 for pain and suffering and emotional distress. Since the robbery the store owner has spent thousands of dollars on security to keep his employees safe. He says he is hoping nothing like this ever happens again. Zelinski says the incident "ruined his life" and believes the store is responsible for it.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandra Re: Sunforce wind generator Dear Webby A friend sent me a link to people-choice-sites.com and their offer of a free windmill. I know they are outright lying, when they claim that it "is also a great choice for powering pumps or charging batteries for large power demands", but I am wondering if it would charge my cell phone during power outages. You used to build windmills, so you should know. And would it be worth the hassle? Sandra Dear Sandra It MAY keep your phone charged, espeially since in your area power outages are usually due to high wind. If the wind is high enough, it may even power the pump in a small indoor aquarium. It is more decoration than anything else. However, a cutesy fence-topper like that is most definitely not worth the hassle of THAT site. That site requires you to surrender all your private information, AND participate in surveys, AND joining programs, AND buying all kinds of stuff you wouldn't buy otherwise. I didn't even finish reading all the requirements. I would not touch that deal with a ten foot pole on remote control! If you DO want a little 400 Watt fence topper, look on eBay. There are bound to be used ones available cheap. With small windmills, forget the claimed top output, that you MIGHT get once a century. 5% - 10% of what they claim as "up to", is a more realistic average, especially in an urban setting. Have FUN! DearWebby
My parents have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But you better not call me Louise!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Test New Plants Before Transplanting If you have little experience with a newly-purchased plant, try it out in its new spot for a few days still in its nursery pot. Be careful to keep it watered as the label directs, and watch it for signs of stress. The spot you've planned for it may not be right for that type of plant. By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, BC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise so that you would not see how scarey she really is. "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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After a long and arduous divorce trial that dragged on for weeks and cost him everything except the clothes he wore, on the way out of the court George was reminded of a phrase in an old song: "being free is nothing left to lose". He realized the truth in that and started laughing and shouting as he skipped down the sidewalk. "I'm free, I'm free!" he shouted. "So what," said a little girl. "I'm almoft four."
» Earth cam
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Dear Webby, How do I shrink the taskbar? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 3, 2009

"Health officials revealed that criminals in British jails actually have a better diet than patients in British hospitals. Of course, both of those groups are eating better than people in British restaurants." --- Jimmy Fallon Happiness isn't something you experience; it's something you remember. --- Oscar Levant Happiness is nothing more than good health and a bad memory. --- Albert Schweitzer
Twohundred pound Nancy is five feet, two inches tall and considers herself pleasingly plump. After she had a minor accident, her mother accompanied her to the emergency room. The ER nurse asked for her height and weight, and she blurted out, "Five-foot-eight, 115 pounds." While the nurse pondered over this information, her mother leaned over and whispered to her: "Nancy," she gently chided, "this is not the Internet."
A nearsighted minister glances at the note that a member of the congregation has delivered to him through an usher. The note reads, "Bill Jones, having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, the minister startles his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: "Did ya see that squirrel invading OUR neighborhood?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Olman Mencia, 21, of Atlantic City, New Jersey; his brother Marvin Mencia, 22, of Egg Harbor, New Jersey; and brother and sister Jeffrey Johnson, 21, and Ciara Johnson, 20, also of Atlantic City. Robbers left keys to getaway car in the bank The practical, fuel efficient Chevrolet Aveo can save you money both on the purchase price and the gasoline it sips in use. The four-door sedan seats four, and the hatchback offers easily accessible load space for canvas sacks stuffed with banknotes. But if you're going to use it for a getaway, hang onto your car keys after you rob that bank. Neglecting that handy hint landed a gang of four robbers in the clink in the town of Bear, Delaware, yesterday, after one of them locked the keys to his Chevrolet Aveo in the bank they had just robbed. Three men wearing wigs, along with one woman, entered the Artisans Bank yesterday morning just after 9 am. They fired a shot into the ceiling, tied up two employees with duct tape, and herded six others into a bathroom. After forcing an employee to get money from the vault and teller drawers, they fled--leaving the car keys inside. Once they realized they couldn't get back inside, the female getaway driver pulled up in a Ford Escort and sped them away. Police stopped the Ford soon thereafter, and arrested Olman Mencia, 21, of Atlantic City, New Jersey; his brother Marvin Mencia, 22, of Egg Harbor, New Jersey; and brother and sister Jeffrey Johnson, 21, and Ciara Johnson, 20, also of Atlantic City. The four racked up six counts of robbery, eight kidnapping offenses, and further charges of aggravated menacing, conspiracy, weapons offenses and wearing a disguise during the commission of a felony. They won't be worrying about fuel efficiency and car keys for a while.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: How do I shrink the taskbar? Dear Webby I had the same probelm before w/ my taskbar on the side & thanks to your tip I was able to bet it back across the bottom. But since then some how my taskbar has doubled in size. I tried dragging it completely down to where it has diaappeared & then very slowly tried moving it back up but everytime I do it still comes up doubled in size. I cannot get it back down to a small size. I even tried restoring it back to a day before this happened. Any tips on how to correct this problem? Thanks so much for your help & laughter Sharon Dear Sharon Close as many programs as possible and clear as much empty gray space on the task bar as possible. Also weed out the Quick Launch portion and use the Quick Launch just for programs that you use at least once EVERY day. Then right-click the taskbar and ensure that "lock taskbar" is not enabled. Then hover your mouse over the edge of the taskbar until you get a double-arrow cursor (the "resize" cursor). Then click and drag downwards slowly. Once you have the task bar the size you want, it's best to keep the task bar locked when you're not intentionally trying to move or size it. That way, you won't accidentally move or size the task bar, when you bat the mouse out of the way of the cookie tray. Have FUN! DearWebby
A college student who has left his dorm and moved into an apartment goes to a grocery store to shop for cleaning equipment. As he makes his way through the aisles of the store, he loads his cart with a broom, mop, dustpan, sponges and a full array of cleaning products. At the last minute, he tops it all off with a lone food purchase -- a large bag of potato chips. When he gets to the checkout counter, he sees the checkout clerk eying it all with a puzzled look. Says the young man, "I'm a very messy eater."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lint Roller To Clean Up Thread When sewing if you need to rip out your work, when you are done run a lint roller over the thread and all the little pieces come right out. By Barat from Crystal Lake, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

What's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I was the only one catching any fish!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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While a Texan was busily preparing for the first day of deer hunting season, his wife started nagging that he never asked her to go along. After several hours of arguments, the wife won. That next morning they drove out to the country, and he placed his wife in a tree about 100 yards from his blind. Just as the hunter reached the blind, he heard a loud bang coming from the wife's position. As he ran up to her, he saw that she was holding her gun on a man nearby and shouting, "It's my deer! Get away from it!! " The sheepish-looking game warden just nodded slowly and said, "OK, lady.. It's your deer. Just let me get my saddle and ticket book off of it!"
» Strange Houses
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Deare Webby, how do I move the task bar? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 2, 2009

"In our factory, we make lipstick. In our advertising, we sell hope." --- Charles Revson "Our limitations and success will be based, most often, on our own expectations for ourselves. What the mind dwells upon, the body acts upon." --- Denis Waitley My girlfriend is at that stage when her biological clock is telling her it's time for her to be making me feel guilty and immature. Time to get a new one. ---Kevin Hench
Doctor: I have some bad news and some very bad news. Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first. Doctor: The lab called with your test results. They said, as of the time they did the test, you have only 24 hours to live. Patient: 24 HOURS! Thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? What's the very bad news? Doctor: I've been trying to reach you to tell you about that since last October.
A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two guys are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two guys just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first guy turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 23 year old Alabama man in Florida Customer runs out on Hooters bill, hides under bed CRESTVIEW – An Alabama man was accused of retail theft after skipping out on a $188 bar bill at the Crestview Hooters. A Hooters employee told an officer from the Crestview Police Department that she had confronted the man with the rising bill, and he told her that he would pay for it. When the server went back to his table after presenting the ticket, he was gone. No money was left. The man, who is 23, had told the server he was staying at the Super 8 Motel. The officer contacted the motel and spoke with one of the man’s co-workers, who advised that the perpetrator was staying in room 145. A man in room 145, as well as people in all five rooms the man’s employer had rented, told the officer that they didn’t know the location of the perpetrator at the time, according to his Crestview Police Department arrest report. After all the trucks used by the perpetrator’s employer had left the motel, the officer observed the door of room 145 open slightly and close abruptly. After knocking and announcing himself, the officer received no response, but saw a shadow moving back or forth in the window. The officer then called for the front desk clerk to open the door. He found the perpetrator lying on his back, on the floor, under the trundle bed, according to the incident report. The perpetrator told the officer that he did not know the bill wasn’t paid for when he left. He stated that several people were drinking with him, and he did not think his bill should’ve been that high. He stated that he hid under the bed because he was scared. The Alabama man was arrested and charged with resisting an officer without violence and retail theft.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Annette Re: How do I move the taskbar? Dear Webby My task bar is supposed to be at the bottom of my screen but now it is on the right hand side of my screen, how can I get it back to the bottom? You you have always been so helpful, I will be forever grateful to you, thanks, Annette Dear Annette Close enough programs so that you see some empty gray space on the task bar. Then grab it with the mouse and drag it towards the bottom. It does not drag like other stuff, but appears like it was stuck, and then suddenly snaps to the bottom, when the dragging cursor reaches the bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby
A boy was smoking and blowing smoke rings into the air. A girl standing next to him got irritated with the smoke and said to the boy: "Can't you see the warning written on the cigarette package, smoking may be bad for your health" ? The boy replied: "I am a software engineer. we don't worry about warnings, we only worry about errors"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A wife is sitting in the living room watching TV, when all of a sudden she hears her husband in the bedroom, swearing up a storm. He is using every bad word in the book. The wife runs into the bedroom to see what is going on. She finds her husband just sitting on the bed. She asks her husband, "honey, what happened? Did you fall down and get hurt or something?" The husband looks up and replies, "no, I'm fine. I'm just practicing." The wife gets a real confused look on her face, and said, "practicing? Practicing for what?" Then the husband says, "Tomorrow my suspension is over and I can go play golf again!"
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A wealthy playboy met a beautiful young girl in an exclusive lounge. He took her to his lavish apartment where he soon discovered she was not a tramp, but was well groomed and apparently very intelligent. Hoping to impress her, he began showing her his collection of expensive paintings, first editions by famous authors and offered her a glass of wine. He asked whether she preferred Port or Sherry and she said, "Oh, Sherry by all means. To me, it's the nectar of the gods. Just looking at it in a crystal-clear decanter fills me with a glorious sense of anticipation. When the stopper is removed and the gorgeous liquid is poured into my glass, I inhale the enchanting aroma and I'm lifted on the wings of ecstasy. It seems as though I'm about to drink a magic potion and my whole being begins to glow. The sound of a thousand violins being softly played fills my ears and I'm transported into another world. Port, however, it makes me fart."
» Funny Critters
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Dear Webby: Getting through 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 1, 2009

The more original a discovery, the more obvious it seems afterwards. --- Arthur Koestler "Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company." -- Scott Adams Better to write for yourself and have no public, than to write for the public and have no self. -- Cyril Connolly
Once I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light, and I don't talk to dumb poles without a light!"
Two Elderly Ladies were fussing about their husbands over tea one day. "I do wish my Leroy would stop biting his nails. That makes me terribly nervous!" the first one said. "Oh, my Elmer used to do the same thing," the other woman commented. "But I broke him of that habit real quick." "What did you do?" "I hid his teeth!"
Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures from the mountain he hiked today. More pictures are at http://dawna.com. unfortunately none showing him. He can't seem to persuade anybody to go hiking with him. Buncha woossies! Above the summer haze
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryant Rather, 22, of West Mifflin, Brent Ray Potter, 22, of Swissvale, and Myron Knox, Jr., 22, of Homewood, PA Thanks to Deeli for sending this report Read more: http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/09242/994329-455.stm Robbers were GPS'd Victim uses GPS to track robbers Sunday, August 30, 2009 By Kaitlynn Riely, Pittsburgh Post-Gazette Using a computer to tap into the GPS function of his cell phone, a man directed police to the location of the men he said robbed him early yesterday in Shadyside. The victim, who was not identified by police, said two men approached him at about 1 a.m. near the intersection of Amberson Avenue and Amberson Place. He told police the men demanded his wallet and asked for his PIN number for his credit cards; one of the men also showed what appeared to be a handgun. The man told police he turned over his wallet, his PIN number and his iPhone before running away toward Ellsworth Avenue. Officers arrived while he was contacting his bank to cancel his cards. The man later used his computer to track the location of his iPhone to a Wal-Mart in North Versailles, where police said the suspects purchased items with his stolen credit card before moving on to an Eat'n Park restaurant on Route 30. North Versailles police detained the suspects at a gas station. Police said they recovered a black pellet gun, as well as stolen identification, credit cards and cash. Police said they will charge Bryant Rather, 22, of West Mifflin, Brent Ray Potter, 22, of Swissvale, and Myron Knox, Jr., 22, of Homewood, with two counts each of access device fraud, conspiracy, receiving stolen property and possessing instruments of crime. Mr. Rather and Mr. Potter will also be charged with robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marie Re: Getting through Dear Webby I know this isn't really Internet related, but you have answered other business questions before. My problem is that when I call somebody about a shipping or billing problem or anything like that, especially if it is long distance and I use Skype, then I often get treated as if I was a telemarketer. What can I do to get a decent response? Marie Dear Marie Here are some tips that will work: Unlike telemarketers, say your name and the name of your company V E R Y slowly and clearly. Don't rattle it off as if you had already done it a thousand times this week. NEVER ask for the owner, even if you eventually want to talk to the owner. Usually you don't, though. Normally the owner is not the one who handles the day to day details. Telemarketers always ask for the owner or advertising manager or financial manager. When I hear that, I hang up. Do the opposite! Speak slowly and clearly and explain what the call is about, suggest that they tell whoever is in charge of whatever you are calling about, and let them suggest who to talk to. Most people rather transfer you than explain something to a boss. Telemarketers usually don't listen to what the victim says, and quite often they are juggling more than one phone on a dialer machine. Do the opposite! Be perfectly ready when the customer picks up the phone, write down their name and use it, and make an efort to pay a lot more attention to what they say, than a telemarketer would. If you are using Skype to call them, mention that early, so that they are not suspicious about the number that shows on their call display or the better than usual voice quality. The best tip I saved for last: Email them and tell them to expect call from you about whatever it is you need to discuss, and ask for the ideal time and number to call. With those tips you should be able to avoid the rude treatment people reserve for telemarketers. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides, and, if there is room, we shall meet in Heaven."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy School Supplies From The List I always wait until I have an exact list of needed items from the teachers themselves before I buy. In the upper grades, some teachers can be very specific about what they prefer; down to the color of the ink pen or size of the notebook. (We've even had one specify Bic pens, not clickable ones.) When my oldest child started middle school, I had purchased everything in advance and wound up making another trip to buy "the right stuff". A very expensive lesson learned. By Christine from Dalton, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At an international conference, an American, a British and a Russian were discussing the shortcomings of their diagnoses. "I can't stand it some time. We treat people for cancer, and then they go and die of AIDS." "I know what you mean." said the British. "We treat them for yellow fever, and it turns out they had malaria. Then, of course, they die." "That is not a problem in our country" said the Russian doctor. "When we treat people for a disease, they die of *that* disease."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The fireman rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He carried her in his arms down three flights of stairs. As they arrived safely outside the building, she looked at him with great admiration and said, "Oh, you are wonderful. It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you."
» In Flight
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Dear Webby: Fuzzy pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  August 31, 2009

Some people like my advice so much that they frame it upon the wall instead of using it. --- Gordon R. Dickson
Three small boys were bragging about their fathers. The first boasted that his dad owned a real big farm. The second boy said his dad owned a real big factory. The third boy, a pastors son, replied: "That's nothin'. My dad owns hell." "No way," another boys scoffed. "No man can own hell?" "Sure he can," the preacher's son said. "My mom told my grandma that the elders of our church gave him hell last night."
Bidding at a local auction was proceeding furiously when the auctioneer suddenly announced: "A gentleman in this room has lost a wallet containing $10,000. If it is returned, he will pay a reward of $2,000." There was a moment's silence, and then from the back of the room came the cry, "Two thousand five hundred!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terrance Dejuan McCoy, 23 of Detroit, Michigan Detroit Date FERNDALE, Mich. (AP) - Police in Michigan say a first date went from bad to worse when a Detroit man skipped out on the restaurant bill, then stole his date's car. Police say 23-year-old Terrance Dejuan McCoy had dinner with a woman April 24 at Buffalo Wild Wings in the Detroit suburb of Ferndale. The woman says the two met a week earlier at a Detroit casino and she knew McCoy only as "Chris." The woman told police that McCoy said he left his wallet in her car and asked for keys. He then sped away in the 2000 Chevrolet Impala. The Daily Tribune of Royal Oak reports that police identified McCoy by a photo he'd sent to the woman's cell phone, and his phone number. McCoy is charged with unlawfully taking the car, a five-year felony. He waived a preliminary exam and was bound over for trial Thursday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Renee Re: Fuzzy pictures Dear Webby Do digital cameras go bad with time? My camera used to take quite sharp pictures, but lately a lot of them are a bit fuzzy. The lens is perfectly clean and not scratched, because I have always been very careful with it and only cleaned it exactly like you told me years ago, with a well washed t-shirt rag and eyeglass cleaner spray from the optometrist. There is nothing loose or rattling inside. Is it the electronics? Can that be fixed quickly? I need to take pictures at a wedding tomorrow. Renee Dear Renee Hold a fishing pole or a yard stick in your outstretched hand so that the far end almost touches a light switch, and keep it steady for 30 seconds. Does it waver around? If it does, some parts of your muscles have turned to cellulite and muscle action is not as smooth and strong and steady as it once was. While that can be reversed nowadays without the need for re-incarnation and without having to break the piggy bank, that is a separate topic that I'll answer only if requested. And it would not help you today. That takes a few months. To get sharp pictures tomorrow, buy or borrow a tripod. Since you are not into extreme mountain climbing, get the heaviest and sturdiest you can lay your hands on. They are not as expensive as they used to be. If there is no money for a tripod, go to the hardware store and buy a 1" dowel or a replacement broom handle, a 1/4"x20 one inch long bolt, a quarter inch drillbit and some 2 component 5 minute epoxy. Saw the head of the bolt off. Cut the dowel or handle so that when you rest the camera on it, it is properly in front of your eyes. Drill a 1/4" hole in the end of the dowel or the lower end of the broom handle deep enough so that the sawed off screw sticks out about 3/8 of an inch.(Thickness of a cigarette) Epoxy the sawed off end of the bolt into the hole and hold it for a few minutes, so that it does not slide in too deep. That's all there is to it. Now you have a ONE-pod. Naturally, it is not as good as a TRIpod, but it will make a huge difference in your pictures, especially in less than ideal lighting conditions.. Have FUN! DearWebby
One day there was a woman who lost her cat named 'Love'. It was pretty dark outside and she lived in New York. So, thinking that he might be down the street, she put on her house-coat and went looking for him. When a police officer stopped to ask what she was doing, she said very honestly, "I'm looking for Love." In New York that is an indictable offense and she was arrested on the spot.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kids Jacket Swap Kids grow out of their jackets really quickly but the jackets don't seem to wear out quickly. Get together some of your friends and host a jacket or coat swap. You can also do this with adult clothes too. Everyone needs to bring a jacket that is in good shape. And now you can swap for a good jacket that will fit your ever growing kids. By Debra in Colorado Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this Chinese businessman visiting a newly acquired business in the United States. As a gesture of good will, the executives of his newly acquired business took him to a golf course for a round of golf. He had not played the game before. Upon his return to China, his family asked what he had done in the United States. He replied, "Played most interesting game. Hit little white ball with long stick in large cow pasture. Name of game is "Oh @#$%."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Trisha walked into the doctor's waiting room and couldn't find an empty seat anywhere. Finally, she walks over to one gentleman that was sitting down, and said, "I wonder if I might trouble you for your seat. You see, I'm pregnant." The gentleman groaned, and in obvious pain struggled to his feet and lurched across the room to lean on the the water fountain for support. As Trisha sat down, another lady in the waiting room looked her over and said, "You know, if you hadn't told me, I never would have guessed you were pregnant. How far along are you?" Looking at her watch, she replied, "Oh, about a half an hour!"
» Patterns in nature
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