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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 14

Summer was back this afternoon. Somehow I feel a lot more 
energetic in shorts and a short sleeve shirt. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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People who say they sleep like a baby, usually don't have one. --- Leo J. Burke I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner
A man was going to attend a costume party dressed in a costume of the devil. On his way it began to rain, so he darted into a church where a revival meeting was in progress. At the sight of his devil's costume, people began to scatter through the doors and windows. One lady got her coat sleeve caught on the arm of one of the seats and, as the man came closer, she pleaded, "Satan, I've been a member of this church for 20 years, but really, when you look at all the gossiping I've done, you'll see that I've really been on your side all the time."
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From Carol: Dear Webby Once upon a time, long, long ago, you had a joke about a granny and the Hawaian Good Luck Sign. Can you PLEASE, pretty please, dig that out and print it again ? I got show it to proof that I am not nuts. Thank you sooo much! Carol No problem, Carol! Here it is: The Letter from Gramma: The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my own horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant. He said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers, grinning of course, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that I had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! Grandma
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Peter Quill, 45, San Juan Capistrano, California Can't handle generator noise SANTA ANA (CBS) — A San Juan Capistrano bonehead is behind bars after assaulting his neighbor with a flashlight over an allegedly noisy generator during a blackout, that left thousands of local homes without power. Peter Quill, 45, is accused of hitting his neighbor, Anthony Morales, over the head with a flashlight after complaining about the loud hum of a generator he was using during the widespread power outage, authorities said. Neighbors say Morales is a Los Angeles firefighter. Quill reportedly confronted Morales shortly before 11 p.m. on Thursday and demanded that he turn off the generator due to the excessive noise, said Orange County Sheriff’s Department spokesman Jim Amormino. When Morales refused repeated demands, Quill then allegedly returned to Morales’ home with a flashlight and attempted to turn off the generator himself, said Amormino. Morales was hospitalized with lacerations and a possible concussion, said Amormino. Many residents and businesses in Orange County used gas generators to power their homes overnight during the outage that lasted through early Friday morning, according to officials. Quill was booked into Men’s Central Jail on charges of assault with a deadly weapon, Amormino said. He is being held on $25,000 bail. Usually the real cause of fights over emergency generators is not over their noise, but caused by envy and the inability to donate power from the generator to neighbors, who spent their money on other things. Generators usually make less noise than a lawn mower and are not a big deal, though it can get rather noisy if every house in a circle has one running.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brig Re: Most powerful filter Dear Webby, I know you are a wiz at making filters in Mailwasher. What is your most powerful filter, and can we have it, please? Brig Dear Brig I checked the cute pie chart in Mailwasher, and my "Boundary" filter does just a hair over 20% of all the filters together. Here it is: If the entire header contains ="----=_ or ----------bound-- then mark the message as mail to be deleted, automatically. Considering how many filters I have, 20% is a huge chunk of the 4000 - 5000 pieces of mail sent towards me every day. Looking at that pie chart in Mailwasher can really cheer me up! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Part of my job as a public-health nurse is teaching new parents how to care for their infants. As I was demon- strating how to wrap a newborn, a young Asian couple turned to me and said, "You mean we should wrap the baby like an egg roll?" "Yes," I replied, "that's a good analogy." "I don't know how to make egg rolls," another mother said anxiously. "Can I wrap my baby like a burrito?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Paper Clips to Hold Bias Tape on Curved Edges I have a rather unorthodox way of attaching bias tape to some items. I just insert the fabric into the fold and stitch it down. Since the place mats are oval shaped, I was having trouble holding them flat and in place. I bought a box of the little plastic paper clips, and they are working just fine. I just stitch a ways and remove them. They are much less expensive than the quilting clips. By MartyD from Houston, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Judi was out driving around and found herself out in the country. She stopped when she saw a farmer tending to one of his animals. "Sir," Judi asked, "why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer thought for a moment, and, in a patient and kindly tone said, "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with their horns. Sometimes we farmers keep 'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. Other times we can fix 'em up by putting a couple of drops of acid where their horns would grow in and that stops 'em cold." Judi nodded. The farmer continued. "Then some breeds of cattle don't even grow horns. But the reason THIS cow doesn't have any horns, ma'am, is because it's a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Myrna for this: Diet is something most of us do religiously. We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight.

» Money Trees

Thanks to Leo for this: My wife and I were traveling on the Kansas Turnpike, bucking 30 to 45 m.p.h. crosswinds. At the tollbooth, I asked the attendant, "What do you people do in Kansas when the wind quits?" The tollbooth attendant didn't miss a beat. She answered, "We take the rocks out of our pockets."





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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 14

Thank you Millie!


Summer has gone into hiding. It cooled off to 7 degrees 
above freezing and I decided to wear long pants and a jacket
for my evening walk, the first time since spring. Without a 
wind, I'd tough it out, but today I ruled on the side of comfort.
The wind is supposed to calm down a bit tomorrow, and we'll
see the sun again. I am not putting the summer shorts away 
just yet!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner. --- Tallulah Bankhead There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine
The minister asked, "Is there anyone in the congregation who wants a prayer said for their shortcomings?" "Yes" said a man in the front pew. "I am a spendthrift. I throw money around like it is growing on trees." "Very well" said the pastor. "We will join in prayer for our brother...just as soon as the collection plate has been passed."
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Rev Jesse's church moved to the empty warehouse beside a liquor store and topless bar, because their old church could not hold all the faithful. The liquor store and especially the topless bar were a real thorn in Rev Jesse's side, especially because some members had the annoying habit of sneaking out during the sermon and coming back rather inebriated, AFTER the collection plates had been hauled around by the deacons. He called the bar evil and a work of the devil and really got some steam up one day, when a nearby storm cut the power and the lights went out. Well, like any proper church, they had enough candles for the deacons and a few other good donors. Rev Jesse lambasted the bar and called for the Good Lord to smite it and burn it to the ground. Just then some very close and very noisy lightning caused somebody to flinch and set the Reverend's wife's wig on fire. The wig got tossed, but unfortunately it landed in the wardrobes at the side entrance and set everything there on fire. Eventually, they got the fire almost under control, but not until it had spread to the adjoining bar. To make a long story short, the bar burned to the ground. Naturally, Rev Jesse claimed the credit for that for himself and the Good Lord, and was not in the least bit shy telling everybody about how he and the Gold Lord had defeated the evil bar next door. Just as naturally, when the bar owner sued the church for damages, Rev Jesse reversed his rethoric and insisted, that it was not a miracle, just an accident. The matter went to court and quite amused the judge. "So, here we have a sinner, who claims the Good Lord accomplished a miracle, and a preacher, who claims that the Good Lord can't do that." Since the fire had started in the church, just seconds after Rev Jesse had called upon the Good Lord to smite the evil bar, the judge sided with the sinner and ordered the church to pay for rebuilding the bar.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yoenis Cristo Banos, 28, in Hialeah, Florida Big Sucker SEPTEMBER 8--Driving a minivan outfitted with a generator-powered vacuum system, a Florida man yesterday surreptitiously siphoned 250 gallons of gasoline from a Citgo outlet before the station’s owner became suspicious and called cops. When Broward County sheriff’s deputies arrived at the Oakland Park gas station, they arrested Yoenis Cristo Banos, 28, on a felony grand theft charge. A search of Banos’s Dodge Grand Caravan revealed that the vehicle’s rear seats were removed and replaced with three huge plastic tanks and a generator used to power the illegal siphoning system. One of the plastic drums held 255 gallons of diesel fuel, valued at $1019.75, according to a sheriff's report. Banos allegedly parked the van above a compartment leading to the underground vaults storing the Citgo station’s fuel supplies. He then somehow dropped hoses into the reservoir and began sucking up the gasoline into the van’s plastic tanks. When Broward County Sheriff’s Office deputies discovered the large amount of gasoline inside the van, a hazardous materials team was called to the station to remove the diesel fuel. After being booked on the grand theft charge, Banos was freed from custody after posting $1000 bond. It is unclear what the unemployed Hialeah resident planned to do with the stolen gas. The tanks look like two 100 gallon and one 250 gallon tank. If he had not been interrupted and had filled all tanks, that would have been about 1700 kg (3750 lb) of fuel.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Forward just part of a mail Dear Webby, You know when someone forwards a cute email with grapics, it usually has a 1,000 other names before you. How does one get rid of the prior name lists and still keep the grapics? I would like to forward it without all the previous names. It is not a photo type, it's when you have a short verse and then an object or person that moves and then another verse and so on. Thanks, Bob Dear Bob With Eudora I would highlight the part that I want to forward, hit Forward, put in the destination address, and hit Send. I don't know how the other 657 email programs do it, but the same trick might work OK in many of them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two priests died at the same time and met Saint Peter at the Pearly Gates. St. Peter said, "I'd like to get you guys in now, but our computer is down. You'll have to go back to Earth for about a week, but you can't go back as priests. So what else would you like to be?" The first priest says, "I've always wanted to be an eagle, soaring above the Rocky Mountains." "So be it," says St. Peter, and off flies the first priest. The second priest mulls this over for a moment and asks, "Will any of this week 'count', St. Peter?" "No, I told you the computer's down. There's no way we can keep track of what you're doing." "In that case," says the second priest, "I've always wanted to be a stud." "So be it," says St. Peter, and the second priest disappears. A week goes by, the computer is fixed, and the Lord tells St. Peter to recall the two priests. "Will you have any trouble locating them?" He asks. "The first one should be easy," says St. Peter. "He's somewhere over the Rockies, flying with the eagles. But the second one could prove to be more difficult." "Why?" asketh the Lord. "He's on a snow tire, somewhere in southern Argentina."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Plastic Paper Clips to Hold Bias Tape on Curved Edges I have a rather unorthodox way of attaching bias tape to some items. I just insert the fabric into the fold and stitch it down. Since the place mats are oval shaped, I was having trouble holding them flat and in place. I bought a box of the little plastic paper clips, and they are working just fine. I just stitch a ways and remove them. They are much less expensive than the quilting clips. By MartyD from Houston, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill was noted for his tact. One night he was awakened at four am by his ringing telephone. "Your dog's barking, and it's keeping me awake," said an irate voice. Bill thanked the caller, told him he would check it out and politely asked his name before hanging up. The next morning at four o'clock, Bills called back his neighbor told him: "Sir, I don't have a dog."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Joe woke himself up with a loud "Hello!" to someone in his dream. As the next day came and went, Joe thought the nocturnal outburst was his alone to remember. But that night, as he and Margaret were getting ready for bed, she said dryly, "If you see anyone you know tonight, just wave."

» Big cats

A dinner party of different nationalities had arrived at a restaurant. They each ordered a glass of wine, but when the wine arrived they noticed that each of the glasses had a fly in it. * The Swede demanded to have new wine in the same glass. * The Englishman demanded to have new wine in a new glass. * The Finn picked the fly out of the wine and drank the wine. * The Russian drank the wine, fly and all. * The Chinese ate the fly but left the wine. * The Israeli caught the fly and sold it to the Chinese. * The Roman drank two thirds of the wine and then demanded to have new wine. * The Norwegian took the fly and went off to fish for cod. * The Irishman ground the fly and mixed it in the wine, which he then donated to the Englishman. * The American sued the restaurant and claimed for a 65 million dollar compensation for mental suffering. * The Scotsman grabbed the fly by the throat and roared: 'Now spit out all that you swallowed!!'





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Log program with calculator 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 13

Thank you Frank!

I had to laugh about the anti-nuclear fanatics getting all
hysterical about the furnace explosion at Centraco in France.
There isn't even a nuclear reactor at that site, they just 
do waste processing, like burning used gloves and coveralls
and tools and ladders. 

Sure, that stuff has radioactivity, that is measurable with
today's instruments, but nowhere near as serious as say the
big green dots on Grampa's Big Ben alarm clock.

Somebody apparently had thrown something into the to be
burned waste, that caused an explosion. They don't know
yet, whether it was a thermos full of coffee or wine, and
don't really expect to find out for sure. 

All they know is that it had nothing to do with radioactivity 
or nuclear action, just that a waste treatment oven blew up.

That, of course did not stop the hysterical fanatics all over
Europe from trying to incite panic and demanding, that
nuclear powerplants be shut down.

France is the leading country in nuclear power generation,
followed by South Korea. 

Even though France has a lot of hydro project potential in 
the French Alps, the anti development propagandists have
made those pretty well impossible. 

While they were busy getting hysterical against hydro projects, 
nuclear power plants became so common in France, that it is 
difficult to make them appear scary. 70% of the electricity in 
France is from nuclear power plants. 

Most of the hysteria is in the countries surrounding France,
and the waste treatment oven accident is not likely to cause
any changes in France.

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"When a woman tries on clothing from her closet that feels tight, she will assume she has gained weight. When a man tries something from his closet that feels tight, he will assume the clothing has shrunk." --- Socratex
What is a Cat? 1. Cats do what they want. 2. They rarely listen to you. 3. They're totally unpredictable, except that they will always be scheming to make you feel guilty. 4. They whine when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to be alone. 6. When you want to be alone, they want to play. 7. They expect you to cater to their every whim. 8. They're moody and forget all training, when they are unhappy.. 9. They leave hair everywhere. 10. They drive you nuts and cost an arm and a leg. Conclusion: Cats are tiny women in little fur coats. What is a Dog? 1. Dogs lie around all day, sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house or yard. 2. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but have selective hearing when you're in the same room. 3. They can look dumb and lovable all at the same time. 4. They growl when they are not happy. 5. When you want to play, they want to play. 6. When you want to be alone, they stalk off and pout. 7. They are great at begging. 8. They will love you forever if you pet them every day. 9. They leave their toys everywhere. 10. They can be trained. Conclusion: Dogs are tiny men in little fur coats.
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Teacher: Now, children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing? Student: Brotherly love.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hachem Gomez, 19, Mt prospect, Ill Burglar found cooking inside restaurant MOUNT PROSPECT, Ill., Sept. 11 (UPI) -- Police arrested a Mount Prospect, Ill., man who allegedly broke into a restaurant and made himself a meal. Police say an alarm went off at Mr. Beef and Pizza in Mount Prospect early Saturday morning, and when police arrived, they found Hachem Gomez making a meal. Video surveillance of Mr. Beef and Pizza in Mount Prospect allegedly shows Hachem Gomez, 19, entering the restaurant early Saturday by breaking into the drive-through window, the Arlington Heights (Ill.) Daily Herald reported. Assistant State's Attorney Robin Murphy said the video also shows Gomez damaging a cash register before stealing fries and chicken tenders from a freezer and cooking them in a microwave. There was no indication that Gomez was drunk or under the influence of drugs at the time of the burglary and the man has no criminal background, Murphy said. Gomez's bond was set at $5,000 and he is scheduled to appear in court on Sept. 21.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mick Re: log program that has a calculator Dear Webby What is a good daily log program that has a calculator built in ? Mick Dear Mick Just use your favorite spreadsheet, Quattro, Calc, Excel, Lotus, etc. Even Google's online spreadsheet works fine for simple stuff. If you are not familiar with spreadsheets, don't panic. They are so easy now that any kid can learn them by just playing a bit. And they all have good help built in. You will be amazed how easy they are, and how versatile. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Felix was playing golf with our town's fire chief when he hit a ball into the rough. As Felix headed for the brush to find his ball, the chief warned him, "Be careful, the rattlesnakes are out." The chief explained that calls had been coming in all week requesting assistance with removing the snakes. "You've got to be kidding," Felix replied in astonishment. "People actually call the fire department to help them with rattlesnakes? What do you say to them?" "Well," said the chief, "the first thing I ask is, 'Is it on fire?'"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Counter Before Rolling Out Cookie Dough To cool down the counter top when rolling out pastry and cookies or when making candy, chill it with ice packs. You can make your own by filling gallon-size freezer bags halfway with water. Force out as much air as possible, seal, and place them in the freezer on a cookie sheet. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A kind-hearted motorist saw a man struggling to change a tire alongside the highway, and pulled over to see whether he could help. The man had a very red face, and a dark smear across it where he'd wiped off sweat with dirty hands. His tie was undone and his shirt collar askew, and it was clear he had also wiped his hands on his once-white shirt. Close to him stood an immaculately neat woman who was speaking in quick, agitated tones. "Hello, there," said the motorist. "Say, I've changed a lot of tires. . . maybe I can help here." "You sure can," the man with the flat tire replied wearily. "My wife is an expert, too. If you will just do all the arguing with her about how this tire ought to be changed, I can concentrate on the dirty work and get the job done."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In 1643 it was illegal to cook a mince pie or Christmas pudding in the New England and New Haven colonies. The Puritans banned any Christmas celebrations that did not take place in a church. Now people there gather at the mall and few of them have ever been in a church.

» Towering Tree houses

A husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tell you your fortune and weight and dropped in a coin. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and a great person." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."





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Spreadsheet not adding up right 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 12

Re 9/11:
From Argentina:  When I turned the TV on and saw the planes 
flying straight into the towers, I was numbed with shock. A friend 
came home during the afternoon, and we sat and gaped at the 
screen, tears rolling down our faces, commenting now'n'then 
on something that seemed more relevant than the rest.
We could talk of nothing else for a long time!
Manin 

I was frantically getting work done and at the same time 
preparing to fly to Tennessee the next day, on the 12th.
Then the radio interrupted the music and reported a passenger
plane flying into the WTC. While I was trying to hear details,
all phones and the fax got noisy, and over a dozen Skype 
messages popped. This was REAL!

There was no doubt at all, before I even had a chance to
listen to any of the callers. Then people called and told me
about a hockey player and some guys going to storm the cockpit 
of Flight 93, and shortly afterward, how they had brought it
down short of where the terrorists had planned to use it.
That was a spark of hope. 

My flight scheduled for the next day was of course canceled
by the air line. Nothing was flying on the 12th or the 13th,
and everything was messed up for the 14th. When planes flew 
again, it was quite obvious, that the world had changed.
I was the first off the plane and into the empty and echoing
terminal in Nashville. No crowds, no sound except my footsteps
and my breathing. It was eerie!

At the exit, there were the first two people I saw in Tennessee,
two soldiers in full combat gear, with machine guns at the ready.

I realized, there was not going to be a return to "as before 9/11".
We are coping, but just like Pearl Harbor changed the world,
so did 9/11.

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Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business. --- Tom Robbins The capacity to care is the thing which gives life its deepest meaning and significance. --- Pablo Casals
Porridge: Budget conscious parent will tell you that it is a traditional, nutritious, lovingly prepared hot cereal breakfast dish. Kids will tell you that the name is an amalgamation of the words "Putrid," "hORRId," and "sluDGE."
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An artist asks the gallery owner if there has been any interest in his paintings that are on display. "I have good news and bad news," the owner replies. "The good news is that a gentleman inquired about your work and wondered if it would appreciate in value after your death. When I told him it would, he bought all 15 of your paintings." "That's wonderful," the artist exclaimed. "What's the bad news?" "The guy was your doctor."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steven K. Tubbs, 25, of Fort Calhoun and Andrew Mason, 25, of Omaha From ankle bracelet to handcuffs Turns out a court-monitored ankle bracelet is not proper attire for an armed robbery. Apparently Steven K. Tubbs didn't get the memo. His fashion faux pas led to his arrest in connection with an Omaha home invasion where, prosecutors allege, Tubbs pointed a shotgun at a young couple who were sleeping with their infant son. Tubbs, 25, of Fort Calhoun and Andrew Mason, 25, of Omaha were arrested Tuesday, the day after the robbery near 106th and Blondo Streets. Prosecutor Mike Jensen said a parole officer heard the description of the men involved and thought one might be a parolee of the officer's. When the officer checked information on Tubbs' court-ordered ankle monitor, it showed him at the couple's address about the time the robbery was committed. Tubbs was charged with two counts of robbery, use of a weapon to commit a felony and possession of a weapon by a prohibited person. He was ordered held on $500,000 bail. Tubbs was on parole after serving nearly two years in prison for attempted robbery, use of a weapon to commit a felony and terroristic threats. Mason was charged with two counts of robbery and ordered held on $250,000 bail. Among the items taken from the home was an American Express credit card that was used shortly after the robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: BF Re: Spreadsheet not adding up right Dear Webby When adding up columns in an old spreadsheet, I get weird results. Also, I notice that some of the numbers are not lined up the same way as the others. How can I fix that ? BF Dear BF Some of those numbers are not real numbers but just text. If there was a space in front or the back when it was pasted, then the spreadsheet treated it as text. Just highlight the cell and retype the number Have FUN! DearWebby
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According to statistics, last year over 17 million American families paid a lot of money for things that looked funny and didn't work. Seven million of these were antiques; The rest were college students.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mayonnaise for Hair Conditioner Mayonnaise makes a very good hair conditioner at an affordable price. For shiny, silky hair, rinse with vinegar. Don't worry, the smell disappears! To strip conditioner build-up off hair, use Dawn dish soap. This works very well. Source: My sister-in-law who is a beautician. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Keep in mind that commercial mayonaise has a very rude PH, (high, acidic) on purpose, so that nothing can grow in it, and so that even old and stale sandwiches are safe. That is not going to make your hair fall out, but it can really mess up any PH related scheme you got going. If you are paying for a shampoo, that is claimed to lower or raise the PH of your hair, don't negate that with Mayonaise! Have FUN! Dearwebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two high powered executives, Gary and Bill had been called to their companys head office in New York for a pep talk and party. As they staggered out of the party, Bill started crossing the street, while Gary accidently stumbled into a subway entrance. When Bill reached the other side he turned to notice Gary emerging from the subway stairs. "Where've you been?" Bill slurred. "I don't know" replied Gary "but you should see the train set that guy has in his basement..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A factory owner said to a store owner, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, for your patronage. I wish I had twenty customers like you." "Gosh, it's nice to hear that, but I'm kind of surprised," admitted Smith. "You know that I argue every bill and always pay late." The factory owner said, "I'd still like twenty customers like you. The problem is, I have two hundred on the deadbeat list."

» Money in arts

In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut, and don't pout when I yell at them."





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Music styles of today 

JAZZ - Five men on the same stage all playing different tunes.

BLUES - Played exclusively by people who woke up this morning.

WORLD MUSIC - Dozen different types of percussion all going at once.

OPERA - People singing when they should be talking.

RAP - People talking when they should be singing.

CLASSICAL - Discover the other 45 minutes they left out of the TV ad.

FOLK - Endless songs about shipwrecks in the 19th century.

BIG BAND - 20 men who take it in turns to stand up plus a drummer.

HEAVY METAL: - Codpiece and chaps

HOUSE MUSIC - OK as long as it's not the house next door.





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Ad Blockers 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 11

What did YOU do ten years ago today?
How did it affect you?
Let me know!
I will make space for the most remarkable reports.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders." --- Nietzsche
A kindergarten teacher asked, "What is the shape of the earth ?" One lil' girl spoke up: "According to my Daddy -- terrible !"
Are you tired of slow computer start-ups due to too many sloppy updates and unnecessary programs? PC Optimizer PRO will fix all that and get you an even faster start-up, than when your computer was brand new. Get the PC Optimizer PRO now!

To prepare for my daughter's First Communion, I called the church in the town where we used to live to get a copy of her baptismal certificate. We lived there for only a short while, so I didn't know the clergy well. When the secretary asked me the name of the father, I told her that I couldn't remember. After a brief silence, she said, "Ma'am, I'm talking about the name of the baby's father."
Tanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Don't know its name. The flower heads get huge,which usually are crawling with bees. In the off season state the plants look like tiny little brussel sprouts on the soil. Lillemor
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Spencer Cullen, 23, and Adriano Altiveros, 19 in Prescott, AZ Walmart employees rob their store PHOENIX (Reuters) - Two Walmart employees robbed an Arizona store where they worked, stealing $45,000, and planned to buy a car and fund a sex change operation with the proceeds, police said on Wednesday. Police in Prescott, around 80 miles northwest of Phoenix, arrested Spencer Cullen, 23, and Adriano Altiveros, 19, on Friday. They were accused of stealing over $45,000 in cash from the Walmart store in Prescott. "Cullen told detectives that ... her motive for stealing the money was to go forward with a sex change operation that she had wanted," Prescott police spokesman Lt. Andy Reinhardt told Reuters by telephone. "I don't believe that she had made arrangements at that point, but I do believe that she had already started the process (to become a man)," he added. Reinhardt said video surveillance showed that Altiveros distracted cashiers so Cullen could let herself into the locked cash office using a key. After the burglary, Cullen gave the cash to Altiveros, who then used $22,000 to buy a Toyota Supra car from a private seller in the Phoenix area. The two suspects were being held in custody. Reinhardt said that all but 31 cents of the stolen money had been recovered.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Beth Re: Ad Blocker Dear Webby, I got sick and tired of all the banners and ads on all the web pages and installed an ad blocker program. I never buy anything off the net anyway.That has noticeably improved getting TO the sites I want to go to, but many of them don't work any more. I also noticed that many of those sites now require that I sign in with my email address, and others bounce me to very rude and vulgar pages. I pay for my Internet access and have a right to browse to where I want to, without being insulted or kicked out. Where can I complain about that? Beth Dear Beth First, you don't have any more right to browse to wherever you want to, than you have a right to go to a football stadium or concert for free, just because you paid for your shoes. The sites put a lot of time and work and money into their effort to present what they do, and are trying to recover some of that money by showing ads. If you block those ads, they consider you a useless parasite, who is trying to steal from them, because they have to pay for the file transfer costs that YOU incur for them. If you don't like being treated with the same lack of respect that fence crawlers get at the football stadium, then maybe you should remove those programs that declare to the world that you are trying to be a useless parasite. If you don't buy through the net, you are not contributing to the cost of operating the net, and YOUR opinion does not count on the net. It might be time to grow up and realize that you CAN become a respected citizen of the net, and not just be seen as an expensive parasite on the outside the fence. There are thousands of excellent deals availbale on the net, and categorically saying that you never buy through the net, that brands you as too dumb to be on the net. You most definitely don't get any respect that way. Time to open your eyes and see what a wonderful world we have up here. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bob and his wife were driving down a country lane on their way to visit some friends. They came to a big, muddy hole in the road and the car became bogged down. After a few minutes of trying to get the car out by themselves, they saw a young farmer coming down the lane, driving some oxen before him. The farmer stopped when he saw the couple in trouble and offered to pull the car out of the mud for $50. Bob readily accepted and minutes later the car was free. Bob looked at the muddy tracks around the puddle and remarked that a lot of cars must be getting stuck there. "You know, you're the tenth car I've helped out of the mud today, the farmer said" Bob looked around at the fields incredulously and asked the farmer, "When do you have time to plough your land? You must do it at night." "No," the young farmer replied seriously, "Night is when I put the water in the hole. My wife does the farm work with the tractor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Clean Fireplace with Vinegar Remove fireplace soot and grime with undiluted white distilled vinegar. Use a brush to scrub then blot the wetness and dirt off with a towel. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After years of hard work, Joe took his first vacation on a luxury cruise ship. In a deck chair, he recognized a former high school classmate, a long-lost friend from his old hometown. He crossed the deck, seized the fellow's hand and said: "Hello, Pete. I haven't seen you in years. What are you doing these days?" "I'm into politics," whispered Pete. "But don't tell mother. She thinks I'm still a pimp."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A drunk goes to the doctor complaining of tiredness and headaches. "I feel tired all the time, my head hurts, I've got a sore butt, and I'm not sleeping. What is it, Doc?" The doctor examines him thoroughly and says, "I can't find anything wrong. It must be the drinking." "Fair enough," replied the lush. "I'll come back when you sober up."

» Lost Places

The CIA lost track of one of its operatives, and so calls in one of their top spy hunters. The CIA boss says, "All I can tell you is that his name is Murphy and that he's somewhere in Ireland. If you think you've located him, tell him the code words, 'The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning.' If it's really him, he'll answer, 'Yes, and for mist at noon as well.'" So the spy hunter goes to Ireland and stops in a pub in Dublin. He says to the bartender, "Maybe you can help me. I'm looking for a guy named Murphy." The bartender replies, "You're going to have to be more specific because, around here, there are lots of guys named Murphy. There's Murphy the Baker, who runs the pastry shop on the next block. There's Murphy the Banker, who's president of our local savings bank. There's Murphy the Blacksmith, who works at the stables. And, as a matter of fact, my name is Murphy, too." Hearing this, the spy hunter figures he might as well try the code words on bartender, so he says, "The weather forecast calls for mist in the morning." The bartender replies, "Oh, you're looking for Murphy the Spy. He lives right down the street, but he usually doesn't come in here till around 8 PM."





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Safe place for printer ink 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, September 10

Texas school caves in to ACLU, 
changes policy on Pledge of Allegiance
The Examiner

Not my place to comment on that.

Dimitris from Atlantic Inkjet.com leaked me some interesting news:

Coming soon... ink you can eat!  Also known as edible ink, 
this is a new product being developed by Atlantic Inkjet and 
soon to be released.  Why would anyone want to use edible ink? 
For digital prints onto cakes, cupcakes etc.  Now you can print 
your favorite photos onto edible paper (using edible ink) and 
then place the prints onto your cake! Edible paper applies onto 
frosting, so the final product looks like you have printed directly 
onto your cake!  Atlantic inkjet is making their edible ink available 
inside edible ink cartridges that are compatible and easily refillable.

I'll let you know, when the edible ink and edible paper is ready.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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There are painters who transform the sun into a yellow spot, but there are others who, thanks to their art and intelligence, transform a yellow spot into the sun. --- Pablo Picasso I am not young enough to know everything. --- Oscar Wilde
On their first date together, Sandie appeared in the door in a strapless gown which simply defied gravity. "That's amazing," he told her, admiring her . . . uhh, gown. "I don't see what's holding that dress up!" She smiled and replied, "Play your cards right and you will."
Are you tired of slow computer start-ups due to too many sloppy updates and unnecessary programs? PC Optimizer PRO will fix all that and get you an even faster start-up, than when your computer was brand new. Get the PC Optimizer PRO now!

While my friend was working as a receptionist for an eye surgeon, a very angry woman stormed up to her desk. "Someone stole my wig while I was having surgery yesterday," she complained. The doctor came out and tried to calm her down. "I assure you that no one on my staff would have done such a thing," he said. "Why do you think it was taken here?" "After the operation, I noticed the wig I was wearing was not mine, but a different one that's cheap-looking and ugly!" "I think" explained the surgeon gently, "that means your cataract operation was a success."
Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Philip Conran, 44 in Hartford, Connecticut Probation for fake orgy ad HARTFORD, Conn. - A Connecticut man has been sentenced to probation for posting a bogus ad about an orgy at the house of a neighbor with whom he had been feuding. Court records show 44-year-old Philip Conran pleaded guilty to risk of injury to a child last week in Hartford Superior Court. He has been sentenced to three years of probation and 200 hours of community service. He also has been ordered to pay for the West Hartford neighbor's house alarm system. Police say Conran posted the Craigslist ad in April 2010 and that several strangers knocked on the neighbor's door. One man went to the wrong home, groped a teenage girl and was arrested. Conran's attorney, Michael Georgetti, says his client regrets his actions. -------------------------------- Not quite a bonehead award, but funny anyway: Distracted
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Siegfried Re: Safe place for printer ink Dear Webby, What is a safe place to buy inkjet cartridges from ? I found out the hard way that what they sell at Staples are what seems to be genuine counterfeit cartridges. They look like the real and official ones, but perform worse than the no-name-brands, especially when you try to refill them. What now? Siegfried Dear Siegfried Whenever the cartridges wear out, we get replacements from Atlantic Inkjet .com. Their cartridges are of consistent and predictable quality and we can count on being able to refill them half a dozen or more times. When you buy the initial kit with the syringes and accessories, you even get the little rubber plugs that some cartridges need. I am quite happy with them and feel good about recommending them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and lame. They start talking and she asks about his life. He talks about his wife and his 13 children. "My, my," says the nun. "13 children, a good and proper Catholic family. God is very proud of you." , "I'm sorry, Sister," he says, "I am not Catholic, I'm Jewish." "Jewish!" she exclaims. "You sex maniac, you!!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Free Coffee Grounds for Your Garden at Starbucks Used coffee grounds are a great, free fertilizer in your garden. Roses and acid-loving plants love it. Starbucks will give them to you for free! By lindal from Vista, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Used coffee grounds are not really a fertilizer. They provide totally neutral mulch and bulk for hydroponic projects, and may eventually compost to something useful. The useful stuff has been destroyed to achieve that trademark burned dishwater flavor, and all kinds of artificial flavorings have been added. Whether that stuff is good for your garden and your health is a matter of finding out the hard way. Grounds from your own, regular, unflavored coffee are OK and help build moisture retaining mass, and when used as pot topping, sometimes discourage weed seeds from germinating. The best use of coffee grounds is in the compost, same as any kitchen waste. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young Jewish lad entered Notre Dame to play football. At the end of the season, he returned home. As luck would have it, he ran into his Rabbi at the airport. The rabbi asked, "Are they trying to convert you at South Bend?" The youngster said, "Of course not, Father!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A plane full of retirees headed for Florida was gripped with fear when the pilot announced, "Two of our engines are on fire; we are flying through a heavy fog, and it has eliminated all our visibility." The passengers were numb with fear, except for one...a retired minister. "Now, now, keep calm," he said. "Let's all bow our heads and pray." Immediately, the group bowed their heads to pray...except one man. "Why aren't you praying?" the minister asked. "I don't know how to pray," replied the passenger. "Well, just do something religious!" instructed the minister. The man got up and passed his hat down the aisle, taking an offering.

» Tome Sculptures

Thanks to Ann for this: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly," everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."





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Which browser is best for today? 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 9
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

I got out of having to mow the lawn all of August, but decided
to mow it now, before the first leaves fall. A short lawn does
not trap them and lets the wind blow them on further down 
the road.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Economics is extremely useful as a form of employment for economists. --- John Kenneth Galbraith "It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor "Happiness is a way station between to little and too much." --- Channing Pollock
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought she was your dog! She was sitting on your door mat, when I drove up."
Cellulite Redux - Not Weight Loss, Not a Gym Routine, No pills and No snake-oils, get the Real INFO on Cellulite Reduction

A young boy, about five years old, was at the corner "Mom & Pop" grocery store picking out a pretty good size box of laundry detergent. The grocer walked over and, trying to be friendly, asked the boy if he had a lot of laundry to do. "Oh, no laundry," the boy said. "I'm going to wash my cat." "But you shouldn't use this to wash your cat. It's very powerful and if you wash your cat in this, he'll get sick. In fact, it might even kill him." But the boy was not to be stopped. He carried the detergent to the counter and paid for it, even as the grocer still tried to talk him out of washing his cat. About a week later the boy was back in the store to buy some candy. The grocer asked the boy how his cat was doing. "Oh, he died," the boy said. The grocer, trying not to be an I-told-you-so, said he was sorry the cat died but added, "I tried to tell you not to use that detergent on your cat." "Well," the boy replied, "I don't think it was the detergent that killed him." "Oh? What was it then?" "I think it was the spin cycle."
As I suspected, yesterday's picture of a whale and a dentist, was a composite. It was too good, though, not to share it. Click through for the big picture. Looks like on the lower McKenzie, except I remember a LOT more mosquitos!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Caine, 23, and Ryan Williams, 24 in Niceville, FL Dope on the shirt NICEVILLE — An officer who stopped a vehicle for a minor traffic violation ended up arresting two men for felonies. Justin Caine, 23, was driving in a 2003 Chevrolet Impala when the officer stopped him for a broken tag light, according to the Niceville Police Department arrest report. When the officer approached the vehicle, he smelled marijuana and called another officer with a police dog for backup. After the second officer arrived, they walked up to the vehicle and saw “a piece of a green leafy substance on the driver’s shirt,” the report stated. At that point, they arrested Caine and found additional marijuana inside his right front pocket. In all, he had 28 grams of marijuana. Possession of more than 20 grams is considered a felony under Florida law. Caine’s passenger, Ryan Williams, 24, said he knew that Caine had the marijuana and had smoked some with him. Both were charged with possession of a controlled substance without a prescription.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Chrome or FireFox? Dear Webby, Which browser is best chrome or firefox? You are a very good computer whizz and I value your suggestions. Love the newsletter and really like all the computer hints along with everything else. Have a very wonderful evening Shirley Dear Shirley FireFox is fast, and quite predictable. If you want a browser, that is fast and predictable, and just want to get work done instead of marveling at what they have done to browsers, then FireFox 6.01 is your best choice. Chrome works, is very fast, but has a few rough edges. It is probably best suited for people, who like experimenting a bit and who don't mind, if some of the functions are not quite the way they expect them. Internet Explorer is not in the top three any more. It has been pushed to #4 by Maxthon. Maxthon, which started as a Chinese clone of Internet Explorer, is tops for all the new touch screen devices coming out of China. It faster and more predictable than IE, even though some of it's error screens still say Internet Explorer. If you want the look and feel of IE, but more speed and reliability, then get Maxthon3. Internet Explorer, in fourth place, is slow and not always predictable, but it comes pre-installed with Windows, so a lot of people are familiar with it. Mac Safari (there is a Windows version) is a great browser for reading eBooks. It has the best font rendering and makes reading easy on the eyes. For anything else, it is not in the same league as FireFox or Chrome, no matter what the Mac fanatics say, but it is definitely worth it's space on your machine for reading eBooks and long texts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grow Morning Glory Around Dog Kennel I tossed Morning Glory seeds all around the dog kennel in hopes it would provide a nice shade cover for summer, and it sure did. It looked nice too. By freedombelle2001 from Bellevue, NE http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man was on his way home with a new car, which was absorbing all his attention, when it struck him that he had forgotten something. Twice he stopped, counted his parcels, searched his pockets, but finally decided he had everything with him. Yet the feeling persisted. When he reached home his daughter ran out, stopped short, and cried: "Daddy, where's Mommy?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The Creation Story As Told By The Cat" On the first day of creation, God created the cat. On the second day, God created man to serve the cat. On the third, God created all the animals of the earth to serve as potential food for the cat. On the fourth day, God created honest toil so that man could labor for the good of the cat. On the fifth day, God created the sparkle ball so that the cat might or might not play with it. On the sixth day, God created veterinary science to keep the cat healthy and the man broke. On the seventh day, God tried to rest, but he had to scoop the litterbox.

» Living Pictures, 360 panorama

My brother was a chaplain in a university residence hall. He was supposed to uphold all of the school rules, which include a ban on pets. That changed when a kitten adopted him. The freshmen in his dorm kept his secret. They covered for him by calling the kitten "the Book," One morning as he was leaving the dorm with the kitten in a beer case, a student stopped him and asked, "Where are you taking the Book?" He exlained that he was taking the kitten to the vet. "She's getting neutered today," he told him. "Hmmm," the student responded, "no sequels."





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Flat looking flash pictures 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 8

Some people told me not to compare shootings in New York
and Afghanistan, because in New York three out of five rounds
hit somebody, whereas in Afghanistan the ratio is more like 
three out of 5000, and the goal there is not to kill, but to keep
the ammo maker unions happy.

The current policy of "Courageous Restraint" apparently
does not encourage killing enemies.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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There are two theories to arguing with a woman. Neither one works. --- Socratex
What are the three great American parties? Democrat, Republican, and Tupperware
Cellulite Redux - Not Weight Loss, Not a Gym Routine, No pills and No snake-oils, get the Real INFO on Cellulite Reduction

Shirley had 2 two red ears and went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a blouse and the phone rang -- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "While I was holding the burned ear with one hand, the guy upstairs called, probably wanting to know what all the yelling and screaming was about, so I picked up the phone, ahem, I mean the iron, with the other hand."
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture: Click through for the big picture. The photo was taken at the entrance to Katlian Bay at the end of the road in Sitka , Alaska ... The whale is coming up to scoop up a mouthful of herring (the small fish seen at the surface around the kayak). The kayaker is a local Sitka Dentist. He apparently didnt sustain any injuries from the terrifying experience. The whale was just around the corner from the ferry terminal, and all the kayaker could think at that moment in time was: "Paddle Man - really fast!"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nathan Mark Hardy, 35 in Biloxi, Mississippi Shoplifter pinched by police after trying to walk out of store with live LOBSTERS in his pants A man in southern Mississippi is accused of trying to walk out of a D'Iberville grocery store without paying for live lobsters he had stuffed into his cargo shorts. Nathan Mark Hardy, 35, was arrested on Saturday after allegedly being caught stuffing two bags of jumbo shrimp, a pork loin and two live lobsters into his pants. Police Chief Wayne Payne said Hardy, of Biloxi, tried to escape by removing the pork loin from the waistband of his pants and throwing it at employees of the local Winn Dixie. But he fell while running away and was arrested at the scene. 'In all my years in law enforcement, I've seen people shoplift steaks and all kinds of items, but never live lobster,' Chief Payne told the Sun Herald. 'It’s a good thing the rubber bands didn’t break.' Police arrived to find Hardy with two live lobsters in the front pockets of his shorts and two bags of jumbo shrimp in his pants. 'He was wearing cargo-type shorts,' Chief Payne said. The shoplifting charge is a misdemeanor, but Hardy remained jailed Wednesday in the Harrison County jail with no bond pending a hearing on a probation violation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Silvia Re: Flash pictures look flat Dear Webby, The flash pictures from my digital camera all turn out flat and boring. What's the trick to make them look more realistic? Silvia Dear Silvia The trick is not to use the built in flash. If you absolutely have to use a flash, use a remote flash attached to the flash "shoe" on top of the camera, and hold the remote flash at the end of an outstretched arm. What I found better than a remote flash is a 500 Watt quartz halogen work light. They come in sturdy, weatherproof housings with a safety grill in front and cost around $12-$15. Set them up to the side and a bit higher than the camera, and set the camera to NOT use flash. The pictures have excellent contrast and a slightly warmer tone than flash, which usually is a lot more flattering than the cold hard light of a flash. Since most digital cameras don't need as much light as a film camera, you can use a regular dimmer switch to turn the brightness down to just the right mood. At about half dimmed down the resultant "mood" of the picture is as if the room was lit by just candles. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A boy was taking care of his baby sister while his parents went to town shopping. He decided to go fishing and he had to take her along. "I'll never do that again!" he told his mother that evening. "I didn't catch a thing!" "Oh, next time I'm sure she'll be quiet and not scare the fish away," his mother said. The boy said, "It wasn't that. She ate all the bait."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Craft Project: Autumn Pins Create some adorable pins to wear during the autumn months in less than an hour. With just a few supplies and a little stitching and gluing, you can make several to sell or give as gifts. You can also make them as magnets or to add to a wreath. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A pregnant Irish woman from Dublin is involved in a car accident and falls into a deep coma. Asleep for nearly 6 months, when she wakes up she sees that she is no longer pregnant and frantically asks the doctor about her baby. The doctor replies, "Ma'am you had twins! a boy and a girl. Your Uncle from Cork came in and named them." The woman thinks to herself, "Oh No, not my Uncle... he's a bloody idiot! She asks the doctor, "Well, what's the girl's name?" "Denise." "Wow, that's not a bad name, I like it! What's the boy's name?" "Denephew."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?"

» The Dachshunds:

When my brother Donnie got home from a five-month deployment of his submarine, he told us one of the ways the sailors kept up their morale was by making wooden cars out of kits and then running derby races. "What do you do for a ramp?" I asked. "Don't need one. We just put the cars on the floor and then tilt the sub."





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Misspellings in spam 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 7

Thank you, Sig!


New York's Labor Day weekend shootings reached 43.
Afghanistan was fairly peaceful by comparison, and 
no shooting fatality was reported for the Labor Day weekend.

Maybe, when the troops get pulled out of Afghanistan, they
should invade New York and civilize that place. It would
be good practise for New Orleans, which is a lot more
dangerous.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Everything starts as somebody's daydream. --- Larry Niven When a newly married man looks happy we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy - we wonder why. --- Socratex "Anger is one letter away from danger." --- Eleanor Roosevelt
A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be, if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"
Cellulite Redux - Not Weight Loss, Not a Gym Routine, No pills and No snake-oils, get the Real INFO on Cellulite Reduction

Married life is very frustrating. In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens. In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens. In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.
Click through for the big picture. Somebody is going to get thumped in a moment.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Fausto Camargo, 19, and Michael Darling, 42, in Phoenix, AZ Pregnant woman aids in bizarre burglary at Turf Paradise PHOENIX. -- A pregnant woman is in the hospital after she broke into Turf Paradise and crawled through a ventilation space, in hopes of making her way to the race track's money room, according to police. The woman, along with two men snuck into Turf Paradise, near 15th Avenue and Bell Road, about an hour before opening time, on Sunday. Police say the suspects threw together a plan just a few hours before. "Overnight these individuals were driving a vehicle and hit a curb and somehow damaged two of their tires. We understand they had concocted this plan to break into the Turf Paradise this morning and break into the cash box," said Sgt. Steve Martos with Phoenix Police. One of the men was armed with a flare gun. Police say they men hoisted the woman up through the crawl space to travel about 50 feet, but the flimsy ceiling tiles gave way in two different spots. Security noticed the clamor and called police who arrested the men. Fausto Camargo, 19, and Michael Darling, 42, were held for 2nd degree burglary. Darling also faces drug possession charges. Officials finally convinced the woman to come down, but she didn't go straight to jail instead telling police she was 5 months pregnant, and felt that perhaps she might be going into labor. She was taken to an area hospital. Her name hasn't been released. General Manager Vincent Francia said he's suspicious. "How would [they] know where our money room is located?" he said. "Most of our employees don't know that." Francia says this time of year, folks at Turf would bet about $150,000 on a Sunday before a holiday. No word on how much cash was inside of the money room. Police say the woman will also be prosecuted once she's released from the hospital. The woman and baby are reportedly doing okay.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elmar Re: Mis-spelled spam Dear Webby, Why does spam nowadays have so many mis-spellings and garbled words in it ? Even the garbage language the kids use on their chats makes more sense. Elmar Dear Elmar The spammers know that we are using filters to get rid of their crap, and they are trying to sneak around those filters. Nobody with the smarts of a mashed potato buys from one of those spammers, but unfortunately there are enough idiots out there to make it profitable enough for the spammers to keep trying. Very few of the spam victims ever get what they paid for, but that does not seem to stop others from believing spammers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman was telling her friend , "It is I who made my husband a millionaire." "And what was he before you married him." asked the friend. The woman replied, "A billionaire".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Wind Chime with Old Beads and Jewelry I recently put together a rather pretty hanger/wind chime for the patio using lots of leftover beads, old odd earrings, bits of old brooches and necklaces, and some colored glass pieces from a broken wind chime. I grabbed a piece of driftwood that was in the garden, drilled six holes through the middle evenly spaced apart. Using 6 strands of colored jewelry wire, approximately 18 inches (45cm) in length, I threaded on all the bits and pieces randomly with the pre-drilled glass at the bottom. I left a bit of wire at the top, threaded it through each of the holes, secured it with some good knots, and voila! a really pretty wind chime. So easy a child could make one, and great for using up all those odd beads, plastic flowers, metal do-dads, etc. cluttering up your jewelry and craft boxes. If you don't have many larger things to thread on, just space them apart by knotting the colored wire. They still look great and sparkle beautifully in the light. Have fun! By Vicki7857 from Yeppoon, Queensland, Australia http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you have old AOL-CDs or any other obsolete CDs, you cd use them in your chime as well. CDs don't survive a Chinook or tornado, but while they last, they sure do look pretty in the sunshine, and they are free. Thread them so that the rest of the string does not depend on them to be in place. Nowadays I use a heavy steel chime, that Sandie had sent me from Florida. It has three 1/4" thick steel plates welded together at the top to form a pyramid. You see, where it used to hit the house. I have since then moved it to a better location, where it does not do any damage, even when it swings around horizontally. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
In a small town, a man just opened a small store selling trumpets and guns. One day his neighbor pays him a visit and says: "So how is your strange business going?" "What do you mean strange?" "Because you sell only trumpets and guns!" "So?" "Well, let me put it this way, what do you sell the most, trumpets or guns?" "It evens itself out. Each time a customer buys a trumpet, one of his neighbors buys a gun."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Saw a funny bumper sticker today: Womens Libbers are not cuter, but they sure are funnier.

» Wieliczka Salt Mine

Flying home after visiting her daughter in England, she arranged to have her husband meet her plane at the Vancouver, B.C. airport. This meant a stop at the border crossing between the United States and Canada, where her husband was asked: "What is your reason for entering the country?" and "How long are you planning to stay?" He replied that he was picking his wife up at the airport after her trip to England. Without missing a beat, the customs officer asked two more questions in the same businesslike tone: "Is the house clean?" and "Are there fresh flowers on the table, or do you want to quickly phone somebody?"





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Sarcasm 

A cubicle is just a padded cell without a door.

Stress is when you wake up screaming & you realize you haven't fallen asleep yet.

Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

Too many freaks, not enough circuses.

Macho Law prohibits me from admitting I'm wrong.

Nice perfume. Must you marinate in it?

Chaos, panic, & disorder -- my work here is done.

I plead contemporary insanity.

How do I set a laser printer to stun?

Meandering to a different drummer.






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Virus warning in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 6

Firefox 3.6 crashed twice on me today. Most likely the still
a bit flakey connection to Telus had a lot to do with that.
At any rate, I decided to try the newest FireFox, 6.01.

I am happy to say, it updated without any hassle at all, 
re-used all my settings and add-ons, even the colored tabs,
and RoboForm was working instantly. I don't like the location 
of the HOME button way over on the right side, but I imagine
enough people will complain about that in the Feedback, 
so that thyey will move it, Reload, Back and Forward to top 
and center, where they are most useful. They are usually
quite responsive.

The rest of 6.01 seems perfect. It is fast, and deals with
connectivity issues quite gracefully.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I say that a man must be certain of his morality for the simple reason, that he has to suffer for it. --- G. K. Chesterton All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence; then success is sure. --- Mark Twain ---------- hmmm, maybe I should try that!
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said,"Now don't get mad at me.....I know we've been friends for a long time.....but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"
Cellulite Redux - Not Weight Loss, Not a Gym Routine, No pills and No snake-oils, get the Real INFO on Cellulite Reduction

Census Taker: "How many children do you have?" Redneck Woman: "Fo'." Census Taker: "May I have their names, please?" Redneck Woman: "Eenie, Meenie, Minie and George." Census Taker: "Okay, that's fine. But may I ask why you named your fourth child 'George'?" Redneck Woman: "Because we didn't want any Mo'."
Click through for the big picture. Lone Eagle, Colorado
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Tyler Assad, 19 in Eustis, Florida Bike tracks led to burglars EUSTIS, Fla., Sept. 3 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said dirty tracks from a pair of motorized bicycles led them from the scene of a burglary to the apartment where they arrested three suspects. Eustis police said an estimated $3,800 worth of merchandise, including a television, a laptop computer and the motorized bikes, were stolen from the Windhorse Wellness Center about 5:12 a.m. Thursday and police followed the tire tracks about 600 yards to the apartment of former center worker Michael Tyler Assad, 19, the Orlando (Fla.) Sentinel reported Friday. Assad was charged with burglary, grand theft, criminal mischief and possession of burglary tools. Two men living in an adjacent apartment, Parker Kenneth Lloyd and Robert Foisy, both 18, were arrested on charges of burglary and grand theft after stolen items were found in their apartment. Police said Foisy's car was seized when they determined it was used to transport some of the stolen goods. He is not getting that one back either.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bertha Re: Virus warning Dear Webby, I received a warning from my internet provider about a new thing that's going around. It was a notice to delete this particular e-mail A.S.A.P. It's supposed to get you connected to a Porn site. Do you know if this really true or not? I certainly don't wan to get involved in anything like that. Bertha E Dear Berta MailWasher takes care of all of that for me. If a copy of that was sent to me, it murdered it in the dark, without ever showing it to me. Any mail, that makes it through to me and is telling me to delete this, that or the other thing, or irgently download something, will get deleted by me personally, and instantly. I don't waste time on stuff like that, no matter who the writer pretends to be. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My sister Tammy went through knee surgery a few weeks ago. I called her to see how she was doing. My nephew Bryan answered the phone. "Hello?" he whispered. "Hey, B, how's your mama?" "She's sleeping," he whispered again. "Dod she go back to the doctor for a checkup?" "Yeah. She got some medicine," he said softly. "She's doing ok." "All right. Don't wake her up. Just tell her I called. What are you doing, by the way?" Again, softly, "Practicing on my drums."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Kabobs Put a fun and affordable spin on backyard barbecues with a make-your-own-kabob station. Set out a variety of chopped veggies like peppers, zucchini, mushrooms, and marinated cubes of steak or chicken. This is a great way to stretch your ingredients further, while your guests can customize their meal. Source: A sign at my local grocery store By sooz from Toronto, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth. Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all. God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves. Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me! God: My man, I am ashmed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW. Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses every week, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out 3 times a week, and... God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire! Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar. Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You're acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?! Man 3: "I just saw my wife, carrying a skateboard, with the rear wheels worn off."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bess for this story: My engineer husband is meticulous but mildmannered. While our new house was being built, he would leave notes for the workmen, politely calling their attention to mistakes or oversights. Two weeks before we were to move in, the floors still were not finished, the bathrooms not tiled, nor were necessary fixtures installed. I was sure that the work would never be completed in time. However, on moving day, we found that the house was ready to receive us. Curious as to how this miracle had been accomplished, I went and checked where my husband always left his notes for the workmen. Posted prominently on the living room wall was my husband's last note: "After December 1, all work will be supervised by my 5 children and my very impatient wife."

» Box Man

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leaves her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."





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Against the code 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 5
Happy Labor Day!

Thanks to the help from friends I was able to order that 
water heater from Sears. I chatted their support to confirm
the voltage before ordering it. Unfortunately, their support
had lied to me. After muscling it down into the basement
and installing it, I realized, they had shipped a heater of
the wrong voltage.

Now I have to rewire the basement and get a 240 Volt 30 Amp 
line down to it. The water heater only needs 12 Amps, but the only
available 240 Volt breaker, that I can use, is 30 Amps. 
Using 15 Amp wire protected by a 30 Amp breaker would be 
stupid, and against the electrical code. 

In the meantime, the new water heater does work, just with
much slower recovery times. Not a big deal. I don't normally
have more than one shower per day anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's ignorance." --- Confucius "It's what you learn after you know it all that counts." --- John Wooden
An exhausted hunter out in the wilds stumbled into a camp. "Am I glad to see you," he said, "I've been lost for three days." "Don't get too excited, friend," the other hunter replied. "I've been lost for three weeks."
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Two elderly women were eating breakfast in a restaurant one morning. Ethel noticed something funny about Mabel's ear and she said, "Mabel, did you know you've got a suppository in your left ear ?" Mabel answered, "I have? A suppository ?" She pulled it out and stared at it. Then she said, "Ethel, I'm glad you saw this thing. Now I think I know why my hearing aid is not working!"
Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dell Marie Hunter, 37, of 102 Liberty St., Uiontown, PA Burglared same place twice in a row UNIONTOWN, Pa. (AP) — A Pennsylvania woman will stand trial on charges she burglarized the same apartment on consecutive days to steal money she needed for her car. A Uniontown district judge say there's enough evidence for 37-year-old Dell Marie Hunter to stand trial in the break-ins on July 25 and 26. The Herald-Standard of Uniontown says police believe Hunter took money in the first burglary to get her car repaired. Authorities say she returned the next day because she needed money for gasoline. Hunter has of course pleaded not guilty to the burglary charges. Dell Marie Hunter, 37, of Uniontown PA, was charged earlier this year with stealing $1000+ from the Lady Red Raiders Booster fund.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: BB Re: Portrait or landscape Dear Webby, English is not my first language, and I have never understood what "Landscape" and "Portrait" mean, when it comes to printing. Can you explain please? Thanks BB Dear BB Those terms come actually from the ancient museums and picture galleries. A pitcure with a formal portrait of a person standing was always narrow and tall, often from floor to ceiling. A landscape picture was always wide, but not very high. Word processing, for example letters, is done in portrait mode. Accounting, because there are often many columns to show, is usually done in landscape mode. You still feed the paper into the printer normally, you just turn it sideways to read items, that you printed in landscape mode. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A friend of mine has a daughter who started out as a psych major then switched to English Lit. After that, she tried pre-law, which was followed by international affairs, history, and at present, she's in philosophy. She may never graduate, but she's unbeatable at Trivial Pursuit.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Line Kitchen Cabinets with Vinyl Floor Tiles Line your kitchen and bathroom cupboards with floor tiles. It looks attractive and it provides easy clean-up. Apply a cork tile to the inside of your kitchen cupboard door to pin take-out menus, shopping lists, tips, anything really. By sooz from Toronto, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There are two polite people having dinner together. On the table there is a dish with one big piece of fish and one small piece of fish. They politely say to each other: "You may choose first." "No, you may choose first." And this goes on for a while. Then the first person says: "OK, I'll take first." And he takes the BIG piece of fish. The second person: "Why did you take the big piece? That's not polite!" The first person says: "Which piece would *you* have taken?" The second person replies: "Why, I would have taken the SMALL piece, of course." The first person says: "Well, that's what you have now!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Mina for this story: My first grade daughter and her friend both needed new boots as winter approached. The friend got in the car one morning and finally had gotten her boots. "Tina," I commented, "I see you got new boots! Where did you get them?" "At the store," she answered. "Which one?" I asked. She began looking at her new boots and after a pause said, "Both of them!"

» Black and white

Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were playing golf one fine September day. One remarked to the other, "Windy, isn't it?" "No," the second man replied, "it's Thursday." And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a beer."





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Restore underlined hot-keys un menus 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 3

Thank you very much, Virginia!

When I went to get my medicines, I expected with the beautiful 
long weekend, most people would be out of town, and was quite 
surprised, when the Costco parking lot was as full as if it was a 
hockey stadium parking lot at play-off time. 

The inside was pretty full too. They sized their isles to 
accomodate their huge shopping carts, that are the size of a 
British economy car, but a lot of people used the low-bed 
trolleys. Their bed is big enough for a couch.

I didn't notice any splurging or frivolous shopping, and most
people seemed to have done their homework and carried
a list or laptop. They were after the bulk items. Big bags
of flour, sugar, rice, 72 roll packs of toilet paper, etc.
Shopping for the month.

In one isle I noticed what seemed to be an Amish group.
A mother figure strode ahead of them with a finger in a 
book, grabbing items with her other hand and reading 
ingredients and either putting them back or ordering the 
rest of the group to load up so an so many boxes. It was good
to see such organization and cooperation, including the four
youngsters quietly putting their shoulders to the low-bed 
trolley, like they were tug boats moving a super tanker.

Costco is definitely doing their best to earn customer loyalty.
Last month one of the sample stations had some Ramen soup.
I asked if it has MSG, and the lady apologized, that yes, it did.
I mentioned a similar product called simply "NO MSG Beef 
Vegetable Soup". This time that soup was there, at an unbeatable
price. A dozen 4 servings each bowls for about $10. That 
works out to 20 cents per serving, the kind of deal I go for!
Naturally, there is not a lot of beef or vegetables in it, it is mostly
noodles, but it is easy enough to add more carrots or beets 
or leftovers to the very tasty soup. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. --- Janet Long
One day a little girl was watching her mother as she sat before her bedroom mirror arranging her hair. The little girl asked her mother what she called the things she was putting in her hair. The mother replied: "These are waves, dear." The little girl pondered that for a moment and then solemnly declared: "Poor Daddy, he's all beach."
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Little Johnny was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" he asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until Johnny thought for a second and said, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without your long hair."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of one of her orchids: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ahmed Hasnain, 26,in Wichita, Kansas Complaint About The Escorts he hired got him busted A Kansas man who called police yesterday to claim that he was robbed by two female escorts hired via an online service later admitted that he just “wanted a refund” from the women. Ahmed Hasnain, 26, was arrested on a misdemeanor charge in connection with the bizarre incident at a Motel 6 in Wichita, according to a Wichita Police Department report. Hasnain, pictured in the above mug shot, told cops that he had expected only one hooker to show up and “didn’t like that there were two women.” After paying the pair $160, Hasnain decided that he wanted his money back (a request that was rebuffed by the hired hands). So that’s when Hasnain called 911 at around 5 AM to lodge his complaint. Based on his own statements, Hasnain was charged with patronizing a prostitute.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Delores Re: Underlined Hotkeys in menus Dear Webby, My dear hubby, a semi-literate mouser, somehow turned off the underlined letters in menu choices. How do I get them back? Delores Dear Delores Right-click the Desktop, Choose Properties, Click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects button Remove the check mark from the line, "Hide Underlined Letters.." There is one big CAUTION! Whenever you go into Appeareances, Advanced or Effects, Windows tries to totally re-arrange your icons. That is probably not due to sadistic maliciousness, but just routine sloppy programming. However, you better run "Save My Desktop" or a similar program to preserve the way you got your desktop icons grouped and arranged, because Windows WILL mess that up and cause a lot of cussing. You can get "Save My Desktop" in my Tool Box. It is free. Have FUN! DearWebby
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You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 telling them to sit down and shut-up.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Deodorize Toilet With Vinegar Deodorize your toilet bowl by allowing 3 cups white distilled vinegar to sit in it about 30 minutes before flushing. To make the toilet bowl sparkle, pour in a cup or more of diluted white distilled vinegar and allow it to sit for several hours or overnight. Scrub well with a toilet brush and flush. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Now this is the verbal part of your employment test," said the interviewer. "Can you tell me what gross aggrandized annuity means?" "Certainly," replied the applicant. "It means your nice gets the job, and not I."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Recently in Traffic Court a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you $57. Next."

» Winds of Change

If a barber makes a mistake, It's a new style... If a driver makes a mistake, It is an accident... If a engineer makes a mistake, It is a new venture... If parents makes a mistake, It is a new generation... If a politician makes a mistake, It is a new law... If a scientist makes a mistake, It is a new invention... If a tailor makes a mistake, It is a new fashion... If a teacher makes a mistake , It is a new theory... If our boss makes a mistake, It is our mistake...... If an employee makes a mistake, It is a "SCREW-UP"





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Mail program slowed down after 20 years 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 3

Thank you very much, Di Anna!




Have FUN!
DearWebby


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In the long run, the pessimists may be proved right, but us optimists enjoy the trip a lot more. --- Socratex "People who demand neutrality in any situation are usually not neutral but in favor of the status quo." --- Max Eastman
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone home. I will be back after supper."
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

A nervous young minister, new to the church, told the flock, "For my text today, I will take the words, 'And they fed five men with five thousand loaves of bread and two thousand fishes.'" A member of the flock snicked at the preacher's snafu, raised his hand and said, "That's not much of a trick. I could do that." The minister didn't respond. However, the next Sunday he decided to repeat the text. This time he did it properly, "And they fed five thousand men with five loaves of bread and two fishes." Smiling, the minister said to the noisy man, "Could you do that, Mr. Perkins?" The member of the flock said, "I sure could." "How would you do it?" "With all the food I had left over from last Sunday!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amy Horman of 801 N. Main St., Lot #503, Perryville, MO Woman got arrested for trying to sell dope to cops We've heard of stupid criminals, but your average dumbass has nothing on Amy R. Horman. According to the Southeast Missourian, this rocket scientist actually sent a sheriff's deputy a text message, asking if he'd like to buy some dope. Naturally enough, the dude was interested -- interested, that is, in making an arrest. When the sheriff's office showed up, the paper reports, they found three-fourths of a pound of marijuana, along with all sorts of drug paraphernalia. Horman is now facing charges of distribution of a controlled substance and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. Her partner, who has the unusal name of Pandora Cowgur, has been charged with possession of a controlled substance, possession of up to 35 grams of marijuana and unlawful use of drug paraphernalia, and does not look happy about it.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Minky Re: Mail program slow Dear Webby My mother is a Taurus and can't get rid of anything, except husbands. She has been using Eudora since before I was born, and even though she has separate boxes for each of the utilities and clients, one for each year starting in 1990, it is getting a bit too unwieldy, especially transferring it to a new computer. It is already much bigger, than a DVD can hold. And I am worried, that some day it will be too big for Eudora, and it will crash it's archive like Outlook and OE do all the time. What do you suggest? Minky Dear Minky First, don't worry about Eudora crashing before Y3K, and even then, there is nothing really to worry about. To make it easier to transfer, I would first weed it out, when mom isn't watching. Do a CTRL F (find) with ALL mailboxes selected, and search for those pharmaceuticals, that are so popular with spammers, and at the same time also for certain watches. It will take time to do that on twenty year's worth of mail, but eventually it will show you a big list. Hit CTRL A to select all, Delete and OK to dump them. Do the same with other popular spam items. If that does not get the Eudora folder down to the size of a DVD, make an Eudora90 folder, and drag all the mailboxes from the 90's into that. Then make one named Eudora00 for the mailboxes from the last decade. With just 2010 and 2011 to deal with, Eudora will be slim and fast and easy to transfer. Each of those two archive folders can be burned onto DVD, and don't even need to be transferred from computer to computer. IF and when a mailbox from a certain year is required, then that mailbox can easily be copied onto the current machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father replied, "I don't know yet, son, I'm still paying."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy was invited to some old friends' home for dinner. His buddy preceded every request to his wife by endearing terms, calling her Honey, My Love, Darling, Sweetheart, Pumpkin, etc. He was impressed since the couple had been married almost 70 years, and while the wife was off in the kitchen he said to his buddy, "I think it's wonderful that after all the years you've been married, you still call your wife those pet names." His buddy hung his head. " To tell you the truth, I forgot her name about ten years ago."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The new Navy Captain looked the crew over and said, "Men before anything more is said, I would like to clear up one thing. This isn't MY ship, this is YOUR ship." From deep in the ranks came a voice: "Great! Hey guys, if it is ours, let's sell the silly old tub and retire!"

» Whittle Wood

An elderly man in Phoenix calls his son Bob in New York and says, "I hate to ruin your day, but your mother and I are divorcing. Forty-five years of misery is enough! I'm sick of her, and I'm sick of talking about this, so call your sister in Boston and tell her," and then hangs up. The son frantically calls his sister, who goes nuts upon hearing the news. She calls her father and yells, "You are not getting a divorce! Bob and I will be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a single thing, do you hear me?" The father hangs up the phone, turns to his wife, and says, "It worked! The kids are coming for a visit, and they're paying their own way!"





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Beware of FFA Ads! 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 2
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

All that work on my connection yesterday lasted until almost 
5 am. I had to reboot becasue of a McAfee update, but because
the modem had gone bad, the update was bad, and the network
was blocked. 

The tech from Telus brought me a new modem, but it was a
huge modem / router combo, filled with about 60 cubic inches
of Chinese air and a few little chips and wee bitty lights.

That helped me get online with the laptop, but not with the
main machine. Eventually I uninstalled McAfee, downloaded a 
fresh copy into the laptop and hosed it over to the main 
machine with Skype. That did the trick and I got online.

Unfortunately, the new modem/router combo trashed the office
network set-up. Since Skype is fast enough for whatever files
I have to shuffle betwen the machines, that will do fo now.
It feels a bit barbaric, but it works.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or write the first word, as soon as I get around to it. --- Procrastinatus
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I worked, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his classroom with his forehead against a locker. I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?" Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried to offer moral support. "Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?" He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I get this kid out of his locker."
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

"Sally," asked Linda one day, "what would you do if you caught another woman fooling around with your husband?" "With George?" Sally thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the funny-farm."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patricia Lynette Wright, 61, of Blenheim, NZ Woman got arrested for picking up lost dope at the cop shop A 61-year-old housewife was arrested when she went to the Picton police station on August 16 to claim a bag containing 20 grams of cannabis. Patricia Lynette Wright, of Blenheim, appeared in the Blenheim District Court yesterday and was sentenced to six months' supervision for possessing the drug and a pipe used for smoking it. She was also told she must attend counselling as directed by the Probation Service. Police prosecutor Sergeant Graeme Single said a member of the public found a black bag near the Interislander ferry terminal in Picton and handed it in to police. They found 19 individual "tinnies" with about 1g of cannabis each in the bag, along with a pipe. A phone inside the bag began to ring and police told the male caller that the bag was at Picton police station. Wright came to the station to claim the bag and was arrested, admitting the cannabis and the pipe were hers. Judge Peter Hobbs said Wright had a history of drug convictions.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alyssa Re: FFA Dear Webby In this business seminar I am attending, a lecturer recommended that we should take advantage of the Free For All classified ads sites on the web and submit to them to get more traffic. I vaguely remember you mentioning a few years ago to stay away from those. Has that changed ? Alyssa Dear Alyssa Get your money back and don't go back to those morons, EVER. Its people like that who are giving dope a bad name! Submitting to the FFA classifieds is one of the the most stupid things one could possibly do. Nobody ever looks at them, except the spammers who set them up to harvest the addresses. They know that anybody, who is THAT dense, will probably buy gas line magnets, instant mortgages and all kinds of nonsense. If you do submit, use your mother-in-law's email address, because the addres you use on FFA classifieds goes straight onto all the spammer CD's. Best is to stay away as far as you can from FFA classifieds, and from anybody who recommends them. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Daddy," the little boy asked, "what does it mean when the minister takes off his watch and puts it on the pulpit in front of him when he starts his sermons?" "Absolutely nothing," the father sighed, "Absolutely nothing."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Pot as Hose Hanger My husband and I went out in search of a rack for our hose. We were reluctant to pay what was being asked, so I suggested he use an old pot and attach it to a support beam. It looks sorta crazy but it got the hose off the patio. By MartyD from Houston, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. The minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He does."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A group of senior citizens were sitting around talking about their ailments: "My arms are so weak I can hardly hold this cup of coffee," said one. "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't even see my coffee," replied another. "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck," said a third, to which several nodded weakly in agreement. "My blood pressure pills make me dizzy," another went on. "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old," winced an old man as he shook his head. Then there was a short moment of silence... "Well, it's not that bad," said one woman cheerfully. "Thank goodness we can still drive!"

» Pro-Create

One day I found my five-year-old daughter, with the telephone, which she quickly hung up when she saw me. "What were you doing?" I asked her. "Calling Aunt Sarah." "How could you have called Aunt Sarah ?" I asked. "You don't even know her number." "Yes, I do and I did call her," the girl replied. I wasted a lot of breath trying to convince her that she didn't know her number, but she insisted she had made the call. "Okay," I said finally. "What did she say, then, if you called her?" "She told me I had the wrong number."





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Anti-Virus for Mac 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 1

After enough complaining a Telus tech showed up today.
He replaced the ligning arrestor, the splitter, it is now
Eh! DSL instead of ADSL, "That's a Canadian thing."

Well, instead of the black ADSL splitter, I now have a white
ADSL2+ splitter.

We also replaced the thick, shielded brown Station Z cable 
from the splitter in the basement to my desk with some white
cable, that has thinner gauge wires in it.

He also gave the modem a stern look and threatened it with 
replacement.

A couple hours before he showed up, Telus had reduced their
nominal speed at their side from 10 to 8, and the nuisance sync
problems had disappeared.

Nobody knows which of the many actions did the trick, but now
I have fairly steady 8 Mbps download and 0.4 Mbps upload,
and no sync problems. I stay connected. That is the most
important part for me. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Behind every great fortune there is a crime. --- Honore de Balzac A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members. --- David Coblitz A senate can make decisions, that are dumber than any of it's committees. --- Socratex
Esther wanted a divorce from Irving. The judge asked, "What fault do you find with your husband?" "Your Honor, he's a liar, a brute, a thief and a brainless idiot." "That's very serious," exclaimed his Honor, "Can you prove all that?" "Prove it? Why everybody knows it." "If you knew all this, then why did you marry him?" "I didn't know it before I married him." Irving shouted out, "She did, too!"
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food - drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."
Thanks to Betty for this picture of her Tiger Lily: Click trhough for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Andes, 29 in Bridgeport, Conn Man called cops on self over parking spot BRIDGEPORT, Conn. (UPI) -- Police in Connecticut said they arrested a man who reported himself for parking illegally in a handicapped spot, then allegedly became aggressive with officers. Bridgeport police said Michael Andes, 29, called police about 2 a.m. Thursday and told them he had "purposely parked his vehicle" in a handicapped spot on Howe Avenue despite not having a handicapped parking permit, the Connecticut Post, Bridgeport, reported Friday. Police Lt. Robert Kozlowsky said officers located the car and Andes told them the police "aren't doing their job." "Officers attempted to detain him, but he pulled away and took an aggressive stance at the officers," the spokesman said. Kozlowsky said Andes did not comply with orders from officers, who then used a stun gun on him and taser him for a while.. Andes was charged with second-degree breach of peace and interfering with a police officer. He was also given an infraction ticket for parking in a handicap space without a permit, the next day, by a Parking Bylaw Officer, and had his car towed to the impond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Anti-Virus for Mac Dear Webby, I have a friend that is a 'Mac' user and as such is very limited on virus protection. Recently a few people from his address book have been getting spam from him but not everyone. I for one got a couple but none recently but others have as recently as this morning. Again, not I. Is there any program that you are aware of that, in your opinion' would work on a 'Mac' to help with his problem? Frank Dear Frank McAfee has a Mac version. Just tell him to visit http://webby.com/humor and half way down the left side margin, he can get McAfee at a $40 discount. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A protestant moved into a completely Catholic comunity. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their comunity. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So, when their neighbor began barbequeing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they conviced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said: You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic. And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling pepper on the beef saying: You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are a fish.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Scrubs as Pajamas Medical scrubs make very comfortable, cheap pajamas. They are available in a variety of colors and styles (including large sizes if required). I got mine from RMF Scrubs. By Verity from Norfolk, UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This old guy wobbles into an ice cream shop. He has a hard time walking. He is hunched over. He goes up to the counter and says, "Banana Split, please." The lady at the counter replies, "Crushed nuts?" The old man says, "No, Arthritis."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It's the day before Thanksgiving, and the butcher is just locking up when a man pounds on the door. "Please let me in," says the man. "I forgot to buy a turkey, and my wife will kill me if I don't come home with one!" "Okay," says the butcher. "Let me see what's left." He goes into the freezer and discovers that there's only one scrawny turkey left. He brings it out to show the man. "That one's too skinny. What else have you got?" he says. The butcher takes the bird back, waits a few minutes in the freezer, and then brings the same turkey back out to the man. "Oh no, he says,"that one doesn't look any better. You better give me both of them.

» Predator & Prey

"Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell.





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More Spam Filters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 31

The British media, once the noisiest whiners about Gullible 
Warming, are now complaining about cold summers.


Metro UK Aug 30/11

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Character is easier kept than recovered." --- English Proverb "Would you want to do business with a person who was 99% honest?" --- Sydney Madwed
Sign seen in an animal shelter: "All children left unattended will be given a free kitten." In another one: Re your lost kid: If there are no remains in the alligator pen, wait 24 hours.
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Many people hold down two jobs, so I wasn't surprised when my hairdresser mentioned to me that he also worked part-time at the race track. "That's interesting," I said. "What do you do?" As he finished styling my hair, he replied, "I groom horses."
Thanks to Betty for this picture of her yucca: Click trhough for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Parker, 24 from Eau Claire, Wisconsin Farm Boy in the city "I am a dumbass white boy from Wisconsin." That’s the best Christopher Parker, 24, could offer Chicago cops Wednesday morning after he was pulled over during a traffic stop and officers found a handgun, a stack of cash, and a load of marijuana in his SUV. Parker, pictured in the mug shot at right, allegedly offered police $100,000 if they would let him go, according to a police report. "I know that’s more than your salary," he said, adding, "Take the car, take the money. I don't care. Just let me walk, bro. Please let me go." Along with describing himself as a “dumbass,” the Eau Claire resident noted that, "I watch ‘Gangland,’ and I came to the South Side of Chicago to act like a big baller. I borrowed a gun from a friend for protection, and I was scared to be driving down here. I’m on vacation with my family and I have the gun because my girlfriend is scared, too." [“Gangland” is a History Channel series that focuses on criminal organizations across the United States.] Along with gun and drug counts, Parker was charged with trying to bribe a cop. He is being held in the Cook County jail in lieu of $90,000 bail. Considering that gun related fatalities are six times higher in Chicago than in Afghanistan, he was lucky to get caught early in his silly game.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kim Re: Filter Tips Dear Webby, How about some more filter tips ? That ISO filter works great. Like you suggested with new filters, I kept it red and visible for a month, and there was not a single false alarm, but it caught 10 or more spams every day. I put it on auto-delete now. Now I need something for all the spams that just have pictures and randowm text. Thanks Kim Dear Kim I catch those by filtering for "font color=white" OR "font color=#FFFFFF" That even nabs those PayPal scam-spams. Without the quote marks. It might also get the odd Christmas Cheer letter from your mother-in-law with white text on green background, but if you keep an eye on the filter for a month, you should be able to spot and rescue those (if you want '-) Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man goes to see the doctor because he has a sore throat. The nurse tells him to take all his clothes off and sit on the bench in the hall. The man tries to protest, but the nurse doesn't listen and just repeats the same orders then leaves the area. The man complies with her orders and joins another naked man sitting on the bench. The man starts complaining to the man already sitting there, that he only has a sore throat and doesn't understand why he has to take all his clothes off. The man who was already sitting on the bench nude, looks at the other man and says "You think that's bad, I'm just here to fix the air conditioner."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Flavored Drinks with Soda Water Use carbonated spring water, which is available cheaply from chains like Asda (Walmart in US), to make up orangeade, lemonade, etc. This enables you to have a wide choice of fizzy drinks without either buying big bottles of pop which go flat quickly, or individual cans/bottles which cost more. By Verity Eileen from Norfolk, UK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ It is easy to make better than bought Ginger Ale and Root Beer. Lots of good recipes on the net. If you have berry or fruit syrup, it is eaven easier. You can use a bit of yeast to produce the carbonation, or a CO2 kit. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Little Susie came running into the house after school one day, shouting, "Daddy! Daddy! I got 100 in school today!" "That's great, Sweetheart," said her daddy. "Come in the living room and tell me about it." "Well," began the confession, "I got 50 in spelling, 30 in math, and 20 in science."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The anniversary party had turned into a marathon with numerous guests coming and going. At one point, a man knocked on the door, was greeted heartily though no one knew who he was, and was led to the bar in the basement. He sat there happily for about an hour before a strange light dawned on his face. "You know," he confided to his host, "I wasn't even invited to this party. I just came over to tell you that some of your guests' cars are blocking my driveway. My wife's been sitting out in the car waiting for me to get them moved."

» Country Photos

After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss and several squeezes, and gave her some more when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine."





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Making Spam Filters 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 29

Bertha wrote:
the thrill is not the same for anything .  LOL
btw there was a reason for the cold showers in those days........lol
Bertha
we made out ok with God's help with hurricane irene, 
here in New Bedford
Bertha

Solar shower are NOT cold! The challenge is the oposite.
Even though the outside of the bag feels OK, the center is
usually as hot as the center of a microwaved jelly filled donut.
YIPE!!!!

The trick is to use two or more black bags for heating up the
water, mixing them and a bucket of cold water in a plastic
garbage pail, that has a shut-off valve and the shower hose
glued into it. That way you carry only one bag or bucket
at a time up the ladder, can mix the water to ust perfect 
temperature, climb down the ladder and into the shower,
and then turn it on for a nice, long, luxurious shower.

Somehow, if you have only ice cold creek or lake water all
day, you tend to use a lot more hot water in the shower in
the evening, especially when it is free.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Assuming either the Left Wing or the Right Wing gained control of the country, it would probably fly around in circles. --- Pat Paulsen Those men who can eat anything they want and not gain weight should do it out of sight of women. --- Socrata Men hate self-service. It's always so damn bad ... and slow too. --- Socratex
Coming out of church, Mrs. Smith asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't notice," admitted Mr. Smith. "And that dress Mrs. Davis was wearing," continued Mrs. Smith, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper outfit for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Smith. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Smith. "A lot of good it does you to go to church!"
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Jerry was hired by a supermarket and reported for his first day of work. The manager greeted him with a warm handshake and a smile, gave him a broom and said, "Your first job will be to sweep the entire store." "But I'm a college graduate," the young man replied indignantly. "Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know that," said the manager. "Here, give me the broom - I'll show you how to do it."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her ginger: Click trhough for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Genevieve Null, 20, in Nevada, California Shoplifter fills out her name and address PENN VALLEY, Calif. -- A young woman caught on video stealing more than $300 in merchandise from a garden supply store may have never been identified if she hadn't pushed her luck by filling out a raffle ticket. "A little on the not-bright side, absolutely," said Doug Jones, co-owner of Anything Green Hydroponics in Penn Valley, Calif. Surveillance video of Friday's incident shows the young woman entering the store at 9:30 a.m. and browsing for about a half hour. The accused shoplifter is occasionally seen ducking down between shelves and stuffing items into her handbag. "She had a plan," said store co-owner Shela Claar, who said the woman actually left the store once to allegedly empty the handbag in her car before returning for more. The store owners were unaware they had been ripped off until later in the day when they noticed some expensive plant nutrients and other chemicals were missing. Claar reviewed the video and was stunned as she watched the shoplifter at work. "We had never seen her before," Claar said. The woman in the video might have remained anonymous if she had simply left the store without taking up the offer to enter a raffle for a promotional giveaway next month. "She (gave us) her name, her phone number, her address. Brilliant," Claar said. The raffle ticket led a Nevada (Calif.) County sheriff's deputy directly to Elizabeth Genevieve Null, 20, who was arrested for misdemeanor shoplifting and felony possession of stolen property.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jenn Re: Spam Filters Dear Webby, I finally took your advice and downloaded Mailwasher. Can you suggest some filters for spam? I already set up the Cyrillic filter, but wonder if you have any more suggestions. Also, how do I keep it from bouncing legitimate mail I get from the various lists that I'm on (including yours)? Do I have to make sure to get them all on my friends list? Jenn Dear Jenn For making filters just make them as spam comes in. They are really easy to make, and a very rewarding type of fun. When you see spam, look for things different spams have in common. A typically common word is "enlarge", and that also is part of enlargement. Hit CTRL F7, the Filter editor opens, make a filter that reacts to that word, deletes it and hides it. The same for "Prescript", and so on. No need to use the full words, just the common parts of them. With newsletters, make GOOD filters for them. That is more precise than to just add them to the friends list. Simply mark them as legitimate. Just add filters as required by the type of spam YOU get. The reward is when you open up in the morning and read in the status line: 412 emails hidden, and then gleefully pounce on the "PROCESS" button. The only better way to start the day is not a family safe topic '-) Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Elaine Dear Webby, you had a joke once about a minister using a quote, that mentions "woman, who was not my wife". Can you please find it again and send it again? Thanks, Elaine Sure, Elaine. Here it is: Not too long ago a large seminar was held for ministers in training. Among the speakers were many well known motivational speakers. One such boldly approached the podium and, gathering the entire crowd's attention said, "The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn't my wife." The crowd was shocked! He followed up by saying, "And that woman was my mother." The crowed burst into laugher and he gave his speech, which went over well. About a week later, one of the ministers, who had attended the seminar decided to use that joke in his sermon. As he shyly approached the pulpit one sunny Sunday, he tried to rehearse the joke in his head. It was a bit foggy for him. Getting to the microphone he said loudly, "The greatest years in my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!" His congregation gasped. After standing there for almost 10 seconds trying to remember the second half of the joke, the pastor finally blurted out, "...and I can't remember who she was!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lubricate Nails Before Hammering into Hard Woods To drive nails into hard wood without bending them, try dipping the points into lard or other grease. You can accomplish the same end by moistening the points of the nails in a can of water. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Waxing eloquent on the dangers of sinning, one dynamic young preacher boomed to the congregation from the pulpit, "Brothers and sisters, if there are any among you who have sinned and are unrepentant, may your tongue cleave to the woof of your mouf!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Cassie walked into a gift shop that sold religious items. Near the cash register she saw a display of caps with WWJD printed on all of them. She was puzzled over what the letters could mean, but couldn't figure it out, so she asked the clerk. The clerk replied that the letters stood for "What Would Jesus Do", and was meant to inspire people to not make rash decisions, but rather to imagine what Jesus would do in the same situation. Cassie thought a moment and then replied, "Well, I don't think Jesus would pay $17.95 for one of these caps."

» Tsunami in the Sky

Did you ever see the customers in health-food store? They are pale, skinny people who look half dead. In a steak house, you see robust, ruddy people. They're dying, of course, but they look terrific! --- Bill Cosby.





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UV protective glass for prints? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 29

The weather is cooperating quite nicely with my solar shower.
It's not the same thrill as when I was in my twenties, but 
it is no hassle at all. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker." --- Woody Allen The world is full of willing people: some willing to work and some willing to let them. --- Socratex "Chaperones, even in their days of glory, were almost never able to enforce morality; what they did was to force immorality to be discreet. This is no small contribution." --- Judith Martin
A recent bride called her mother one evening in tears. "Oh, Mom, I tried to make Grandmother's meat loaf for dinner tonight, and it's just awful! I followed the recipe exactly, and I know I have the recipe right because it's the one you gave me. But it just didn't come out right, and I'm so upset. I wanted this to be so special for George because he loves meat loaf. What could have gone wrong?" Her mother replied soothingly, "Well, dear, let's go through the recipe. You read it out loud and tell me exactly what you did at each step, and together we'll figure it out." "OK," the bride sniffled. "Well, it starts out, ' Take fifty cents worth of ground beef '..."
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Bill was taking a flight to New York. He boards the plane, finds his seat and settles in, but does not fasten his seatbelt. The flight attendant comes down the aisle and see Bill's unfastened seatbelt and says, "Sir, you need to fasten your seatbelt for takeoff." Macho Bill says, "Not necessary to do that, Superman doesn't need a seatbelt." "Well," the flight attendant said, "maybe THAT is the reason Superman is not allowed to fly with WestJet? BUCKLE UP or get offa my plane!"
Click trhough for the big picture. First Flight Assistance
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the cops in Manayunk, PA Arrested for rafting PHILADELPHIA (CBS) – Row, row, row your boat, just not down Main Street in Manayunk. That’s the message police are sending after arresting two men who used a raft as an alternate means of transportation down a flooded street Sunday morning. CBS 3 reporter Dray Clark caught up with Pete and Pat, best friends and roommates from Manayunk, who paddled their way down the water covered street. “I thought, Main Street floods a lot, let's go get a raft and float down,” said Pat, who admitted the idea was his. “We thought it would be a good time and it turns out it is,” said Pete. Minutes later, Philadelphia police stopped the men and hauled them away in handcuffs. When Dray asked why the men were being arrested, he said the officers replied, “for lack of common sense.” The arrest serves as a message to residents in flood affected areas – this is serious situation and safety should be top of everyone’s mind. -------------- As someone, who has rafted well over 10,000 miles in my life, I find it totally ridiculous and boneheaded to arrest people for rafting in water, that would barely come up to their belly button, if they sat on the street beside their boat. Sure, theoretically, they are supposed to have life jackets, if the water is more than knee deep, and a fine or a warning might be appropriate, but not an arrest!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Doris Re: UV-filter glass for pictures Dear Webby, I read that printed pictures should be behind UV-protective glass if displayed on a an inside wall. Is that true and where would I get that kind of glass ? Doris Dear Doris No, that's just a silly myth. No UltraViolet goes through regluar glass. Most windows nowadays are double or triple pane. In addition to that, by the time the sun is so low that it shines through a window and strikes the opposite wall at normal picture height, it is so low down on the horizon that the sunlight has gone horizontally through an awful lot of air. On top of that, the high energy parts of the UV spectrum don't reflect very well. By the time the light has gone horizontally through the nowadays fairly polluted atmosphere, two panes in the window and one pane on the picture, I doubt you could even detect any UV any more. Just use regular non-reflective picture glass. A lot more important is to stop oxidation. The easiest way to do that is to spray the picture with archive spray or a semigloss or matte wood varnish. Lay it flat on some scap plywood, pin the corners to prevent curling, then spray it lightly, let it dry and spray again. Then do the same for the back side the next day. The wood varnish will prevent oxygen from getting to the paper. Ink selection of course is also very important. If you want to guard against fading, don't buy ink at a department store or computer store. Quite often those places carry counterfeit inks in authentic looking boxes, often without even knowing it. Or so they claim. Your best bet for inks is from the big ink makers and sellers like Atlantic Inkjet .com. There you can get a quart jug of ink for less than what many department stores charge for a counterfeit cartridge. And their toner is defiitely top quality! Have FUN! DearWebby
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The latest ploy to drive the Taliban and al Qaeda out of the mountains of Afghanistan is to send in a team of Redneck Special Forces. Billy Bob, Bubba, and Cooter are being sent in with their coon dogs and these instructions: 1. The limit is two Taliban. 2. The season ended last weekend. 3. They talk to game wardens. 4. You don't have to bag and haul your kill. 5. Avoid local guides, they will blow up your helicopter. That should just about do it!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Your Dehumidifier's Water I've always hated to throw away the water I accumulate daily in my dehumidifier. I water outdoor plants with it. I'm sure my neighbors think I have a strange watering can, but I think this is the best way to recycle this free water. By morsel81 from Concord, NH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are as soon as they can get a pharmacist over there to read the picket signs!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local high school has a policy that the parents must call the school if a student is to be absent for the day. Alice deciding to skip school and go to the mall with her friends. So she waited until her parents had left for work and called the school herself. "Hi, I'm calling to report that Alice is unable to make it to school today because she is ill." Secretary at high school answered, "I'm sorry to hear that. I'll note her absence. Who is this calling please?" "This is my mother."

» Spires and Steeples

A man was on a walking holiday in Ireland. He became thirsty so decided to stop at a little cottage and ask for something to drink. The lady of the house invited him in and served him a bowl of soup by the fire. There was a wee pig running around the kitchen, running up to the visitor and giving him a great deal of attention. The visitor commented that he had never seen a pig this friendly. The housewife replied: "Ah, he's not that friendly. That's his bowl you're using."





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OE Address management 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 28

If you were not able to get the Times Square Cam from New York,
don't feel bad. When tens of thousands of readers of the 
Humor Letter barge in there and then leave it on during their
breakfast, it looks to them like a major attack. No site can
handle that, and they have to block people, until things
slow down.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedence, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down. --- Robert Benchley "A man is called selfish, not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's." --- Richard Whately
Bumping into Judi on the sidewalk, the Tom Cruise look-alike apologized. "Pardon me, ma'am, I'm sorry." "Quite all right," Judi said, enamored. "You look just like my fifth husband!" "Wow!" he said, "How many times have you been married?" "Four."
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

I'm sure you've all heard about the military's plans to use huge ground-based lasers to destroy abandoned satellites in orbit. But have you also noticed that since these plans were made public, CNN hasn't aired a single report accusing the military of sexual harassment?
Click trhough for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Brittany Lurch and Arthur Phillips in Patton, PA Newlyweds shoplifted food for their reception - and miss the celebration after they wind up behind bars Two Pennsylvania newlyweds were busted Friday after police said they were caught swiping items for their wedding reception and came back for a second haul. The Centre Daily Times reported that Arthur Phillips III, 32, and his bride Brittany Lurch, 22, were arrested after taking $1,049 in merchandise from a Wegmans supermarket. Patton Township police said the couple were captured on surveillance video loading a shopping cart and leaving the store without paying. A short time later, the pair returned to the same store to place an order for a seafood platter. It was then that they were placed into custody. As they were arrested, the couple told cops the items, which included food and disposable dinnerware were for their wedding reception that evening. They had married the day before, on August 18 and had reportedly scheduled their reception for 5:30pm on the 19th, but they never made it. Miss Lurch, a mother of two children from another relationship, and Mr Phillips were charged with retail theft and receiving stolen property. Miss Lurch was released later Friday after posting $2,500 bail. Mr Phillips was additionally charged with possession of drug paraphernalia after officers found a glass pipe with marijuana residue on it. He was released on August 22. Chief John Petrick of the Patton Township Police Department said: 'It was certainly an unusual event and we'll let everything work through the court system at this point.'
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: Sort OE blocked addresses Dea Webby: I am using Outlook Express; I get anywhere from 15-20 spam notices every day. I use 'Message' - block sender. I must have 100's in my block sender. Is there a way to alphabetize the list in SPAM? It takes me about 30 minutes to go thru the list as some of my 'legitimate email address are going into Spam and I need to take them out. This is a waste of time going thru that long list. Thanks for your help. Rosalie Dear Rosalie Blacklisting is a total waste of time. Spammers never fake the same sender address twice in a row, because of people blacklisting them. You need a much smarter weapon than that. I use MailWasher. It identifies spam, and allows you to make filters to eliminate spam right on the server, without even downloading it. It also allows you to make filters to exempt mail from certain addresses from all your tricky filters, so that a family member's joke about certain wrist adornments will make it through and not get tossed because it mentions a certain product. "Making a filter" is not rocket science. It's like a game and you'll catch on instantly. MailWasher also allows you to kill mail, that has your own address forged in as the sender, but allows mail through, that really IS from you. Yes, I know, a lot of people send memos to themselves and then archive those, rather than open a word processor or spreadsheet for whatever it is they want to have a permanent copy of. Because I have not changed my addresses since the mid 90's, I get between 4000 and 5000 pieces of spam every day. So, what? It does not bother me one bit, because I never see it. MailWasher takes care of it and I only see the mail, that I am actually going to answer. Now and then I look at the pretty graphs in Mailwasher and see which of my filters are catching the most these days, and occasionally I make a new filter, just to keep up with the newest trends in spamming. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Lady of the house: "I want you to stand at the front door and call the guests' names as they arrive." "Very well, Madam!" the butler beamed. "I've been wanting to do that for years!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Your Dehumidifier's Water I've always hated to throw away the water I accumulate daily in my dehumidifier. I water outdoor plants with it. I'm sure my neighbors think I have a strange watering can, but I think this is the best way to recycle this free water. By morsel81 from Concord, NH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Anna for this: HAVING GONE OUT for a large lunch with fellow workers, a secretary from our office who runs regularly was especially motivated to get to the gym after work. Our boss, who had also enjoyed the good food, suggested that she run an extra lap for him. As she was leaving the office, she called to the boss, "Get ready to start huffing and puffing, 'cause I'll be on your lap in half an hour!" This time, realizing what she'd just said, her face turned red before she even started running.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Roy staggered out of the bar, and carefully watching his footwork, smacks into the lonely palm tree at the parking lot entrance. He backs up a few paces, and walks into the tree again. Then, he does it again. He mumbles, "This is great. I was supposed to be home hours ago, and now here I am lost in the forest."

» Kritter Pictures

Sam and Mike are walking home from a religious service. Sam wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Mike replies, "Why don't you ask Father Smith?" So Sam goes up to Father Smith and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" But Father says, "No, my son, you may not. That's utter disrespect to our religion." Sam goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Father told him. Mike says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Mike goes up to Father Smith and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?" To which Father Smith eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. Sure you can pray while you smoke." ------- By the way, I am still smoke free!





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Wow! 


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Sort OE blacklist 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 27

 No need to worry about the Bonehead Awards getting renamed 
 to "Reticent Prong Category Recognition" or that other 
 Macinese  terms would be allowed to infiltrate. 
 
 Friends in Florida sure seem amused about the governors on
 the East Coast already declaring a State of Emergency and
 grabbing for funds, long before the first drop of rain or 
 gust of wind hits the area.
 
 You can watch New York Times Square and see that the only
 noticable breeze there is from the cabs. It might get windy
 tomorrow, but right now it looks like a very calm summer night.
 
Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"According to 'Mondern Bride' magazine, the average bride spends 150 hours planning her wedding. The average groom spends 150 hours going, 'Yeah, sounds good.'" --- Jay Leno Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn
Here is an oldie-goldie that was sent back to me: Father O'Flannagan dies due to old age. Upon entering St.Peter's gate, there is another man in front, waiting to go into heaven. St. Peter asks the man, "What is your name what did you accomplish during your life?". The man responds "My name is Joe Cohen, and I was a New York city Taxi driver for 14 years" "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your silk robe and golden scepter, now you may walk in the streets of our Lord." St. Peter looks at the Father, and asks "What is your name and what did you accomplish?" He responds, "I'm Father O'Flannagan, and have devoted the last 62 years to the Lord". "Very well," says St. Peter, "Here is your cotton robe and wooden staff, you may enter." "Wait a minute," says O'Flannagan, "You gave the taxi driver a silk robe and golden scepter, why did I only get a cotton robe and wooden staff?". "Well," St. Peter replied, "We work on a performance scale. You see while you preached, everyone slept, when he drove taxis, everyone prayed!"
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon was overjoyed, as Private Peters was overweight and terribly slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be driving a truck."
Click trhough for the big picture. Road in the mountains of Jebel Hafeet, UAE
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 23 year old woman in Tacoma, Washington Finger flipper flips cars TACOMA, Wash. – A woman caused an accident SR 512 on Monday when she lost control of her vehicle as she was giving another driver “the bird,” the Washington State Patrol said. The 23-year-old woman, driving a 2004 Taurus, was traveling eastbound next to a Subaru Outback, the State Patrol said. She wanted to get over to the right lane, but it was occupied so she flipped off the driver of the Outback. As she was doing so she lost control of her vehicle and hit the back end of the Outback, causing it to run off the road and roll over. She ended up in a ditch further down the roadway. Three people were taken to the hospital with minor injuries. The woman faces charges including reckless driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosalie Re: Sort OE blocked addresses Dea Webby: I am using Outlook Express; I get anywhere from 15-20 spam notices every day. I use 'Message' - block sender. I must have 100's in my block sender. Is there a way to alphabetize the list in SPAM? It takes me about 30 minutes to go thru the list as some of my 'legitimate email address are going into Spam and I need to take them out. This is a waste of time going thru that long list. Thanks for your help. Rosalie Dear Rosalie Blacklisting is a total waste of time. Spammers never fake the same sender address twice in a row, because of people blacklisting them. You need a much smarter weapon than that. I use MailWasher. It identifies spam, and allows you to make filters to eliminate spam right on the server, without even downloading it. It also allows you to make filters to exempt mail from certain addresses from all your tricky filters, so that a family member's joke about certain wrist adornments will make it through and not get tossed because it mentions a certain product. "Making a filter" is not rocket science. It's like a game and you'll catch on instantly. MailWasher also allows you to kill mail, that has your own address forged in as the sender, but allows mail through, that really IS from you. Yes, I know, a lot of people send memos to themselves and then archive those, rather than open a word processor or spreadsheet for whatever it is they want to have a permanent copy of. Because I have not changed my addresses since the mid 90's, I get between 4000 and 5000 pieces of spam every day. So, what? It does not bother me one bit, because I never see it. MailWasher takes care of it and I only see the mail, that I am actually going to answer. Now and then I look at the pretty graphs in Mailwasher and see which of my filters are catching the most these days, and occasionally I make a new filter, just to keep up with the newest trends in spamming. Have FUN! DearWebby
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You've all seen this from the female side of the house: "Men are like wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which you'd like to have dinner with." And now, for the male response: "Women are like wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating to the mind and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Free Weights in Wire Egg Basket To keep our free weights in one small space, my wife took her grandmother's old wire egg basket and embellished it with fabric. The weights appear to be out of sight, but are still in a handy place. We have the egg basket sitting under a small accent table. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man approached a local in a village he was visiting. "What's the quickest way to York?" The local scratched his head. "Are you walking or driving?" he asked the stranger. "I'm driving." "That's the quickest way!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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I had been teaching my seventh-graders about World War II, and a test question was, "What was the largest amphibious assault of all time?" Expecting to see "the D-Day invasion" as the answer, I found instead on one paper, "Moses and the plague of frogs."

» Lost heads

A man was golfing with a friend and went to the restroom. When he came out he sighed audibly and his friend said to him, "Feel better?" "Yeah," he said, "It's the only place on the whole course where nobody tells me how to improve my stance or change my grip!"





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How to get addresses from OE to Gmail ? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, Aug 26
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support fro the troops!

Today I came across mention of an interesting diet: Paleo. Before
dismissing it as just another fad, I checked into it a bit.
Kraft Dinner is bad, Chicken al Orange is good?
Well any 4 year old will agree with that.
Cheese colored sandwich spread is bad, but
boiled eggs and green peppers are good?
Yeah, I knew that, before I was potty trained.
Tofu is bad, but tomatoes and radishes are good?
One would have to be quite insane to argue about that.

Well, the Paleo diet elevates all those hunches and feelings
to a science, a science I agree with, not like the Gullible
Warming Pseudo-Science rumor mongering. 
So I looked for more info and found the Paleo Diet
Cookbook. It is 359 pages, but quite affordable, and as a bonus, 
it comes with a 29 page Herb and Spice guide, that by itself
is worth more than the price of the book.

If you got too much health and energy, try Kraft Dinner and Tofu.
If you want to improe your health and energy levels,
go for the Paleo Diet Book. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Wherever a man turns he can find someone who needs him." --- Albert Schweitzer "He who gives when he is asked has waited too long." --- Sunshine Magazine
Bill and I were talking and idly watching the sidewalk traffic while his wife was taking an eternity shopping for some postcards at a mall kiosk. A shapely young woman in a short, short skirt strolled by. We didn't stop or change our conversation, but since she was a much more pleasant sight than the parking meter officer, our eyes involuntarily followed her as she walked. Without looking up from the item she was examining, Bill's wife kicked him in the shin and asked, "Was that worth the trouble you're in now?"
Paleo Cookbook Brand new Paleo diet cookbook with over 370 recipes. List of safe and non-toxic foods. Even the intro will have valuable info. 395 pages, no special skills required. Printable eBook. Currently with these bonuses: plus 29 page herb and spice guide, plus 8 week meal planner Paleo Cookbook

Although this married couple enjoyed their luxury fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore." So she drove the boat to shore and docked it at the marina. Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room where her husband was watching television. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having a heart attack. You must do the laundry, make the bed, clean the windows, set the table, cook the dinner, and wash the dishes."
From Nita: Dear Webby, I was pleasantly surprised to see a picture I sent you years ago as the picture of the day. Those are a pair of Black Headed Grosbeak. The male was very curious as to what the female was doing it was comical. Thanks, Nita Black Headed Grosbeak from Nita
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jason Scott Davis, 34 from Brentwood, California Burglar leaves his iPhone behind REDWOOD CITY, Calif. (AP) -- According to a Northern California prosecutor, Jason Scott Davis falls into the "dumb crook category." Davis is charged with breaking into his ex-girlfriend's San Mateo apartment. Police say Davis left his iPhone in the woman's bathtub. Prosecutors report Davis was busted after a detective called, pretending to have found the lost cell phone. During the burglary, Davis allegedly took jewelry, clothes and personal items. Davis, who is from the Contra Costa County city of Brentwood, pleaded not guilty to burglary charges Wednesday. He remains in custody on $50,000 bail, and did not get his phone back. ------------------ While searching for a mug-shot of Jason Scott Davis, I spotted this version of the report at http://www.bestappleiphone.info/authori ... ed-iphone/ Put your coffee DOWN, unless you want to laugh it out through your nose. Those Mac people are, as usual, trying their best to crack us up laughing. REDWOOD CITY, Calif. — A 34-year-ancient Northern California masculine stays in control with authorities say he broke into his ex-girlfriend’s San Mateo section but catastrophic to notice that he left his iPhone behind. Prosecutors say troops were able to code Jason Scott Davis as a consider when they settle his iPhone in the bathtub of the woman’s section with the May twenty-seven burglary. In describing Davis as a authority who “falls into the reticent prong category,” San Mateo County District Attorney Steve Wagstaffe says Davis was arrested with he was contacted by a questioner who unnatural to be a authority who settle the phone. During the burglary, Davis allegedly took jewelry, panoply and personal items. Davis, who is from the Contra Costa County city of Brentwood, pleaded not guilty to crime charges Wednesday. He stays in control on $50,000 bail. If you have special requests or tips, greatfully get in hold with us and we’ll get behind you promptly!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bob Re: Get OE addresses into Gmail Good Morning Webby, I am moving to another town in CT and will have to use another service provider and will need to get a new email address. I want to export my addresses from Outlook Express to Gmail. How do I make this happen. As usual, thank you for you invaluable help. Daily Voter, Bob Dear Bob "How to import addresses from OE to Gmail" seems to be a very popular topic. I have a hunch, writing a tutorial about that is a typical high school or college homework. As can be expected, most of them are rather klutzy and just muddy the field. Here is the easiest way: From Outlook Express: Select File > Export > Address Book from the main menu. Select Text File Type CSV (Comma Separated Values). Click Export. That produces the necessary data file, with a comma between each value. Check that file with a text editor and make sure, there are no stray commas throwing everything out of sync. That step is extremely important and is usually forgotten in most tutorials! If you have a comma in a name, like for example "Mom, Dad", it will show TWO values, with Dad shifted over into the next column, and every subsequent value after that also shifted over. Depending on how clean your addresses are, that should not take long, but is necessary. If it is a really bad mess, import it into a spreadsheet like Calc or Quattro or Excel. Then you instantly see which rows stick out further on the right side, because a stray comma split a value into two values. Then in Gmail, Click Contacts (located above the Compose Mail button) on the Gmail page. From the More actions dropdown menu, select Import.... Click the Choose File button. Select the file you'd like to upload and click the Import button. When it's done, Gmail will display the number of contacts imported. That's all there is to it. If the original OE address book is clean and does not have stray commas in it, you'll complete the task in a minute. Have FUN! DearWebby
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About a year ago my sister, who lives in Virginia, was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Scraps For Crafts I do a lot of card making. Stock paper isn't really cheap, so if I have left over sentiments or papers from cutting out projects. I put them all in a basket next to my computer desk. Then if I need something, it is usually right there in the basket. I save a ton of paper, ink, and time by having the "scraps" right there for use on other projects. Some people may think I am a bit of a tightwad, but it actually saves me a lot of money having these scraps right where I can get to them. So, if you are an avid crafter those small pieces could come in very handy. By maphisx7 from Gordonsville, VA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Some paper supply companies have free or almost free samplers. I got one in the 80's, that is a big harmonica binder filled with dozens of fancy certificates, card stock in every color and texture, and each harmonica pocket labeled with the order number of it's content. The samples were not just one each, but usually 5 to 10, so that you got a fair chance to order more, if you liked and used up some of that type. Try http://www.paperdirect.com and ask them if they still have a sampler binder. Even if you have to pay for the shipping, for a crafter that sampler is worth gold! Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob had heard a family rumor that his father, grandfather and even his great-grandfather all "walked on water" on their 21st birthday. So, on his 21st birthday, he and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they could do it, so can I!" Bob told Brian. Bob and Brian arrived at the lake and rented a boat. They paddled out to the middle. Bob stepped off of the side of the boat . . . and nearly drowned. Furious, he had Brian drive him back to the Family Farm and asked his grandmother why he hadn't been blessed with the same "gift" as the others in the family. Grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his face, and said, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in November, when the lake is not frozen yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man was chosen for jury duty who very much wanted to be dismissed from serving. He tried every excuse he could think of but none of them worked. On the day of the trial he decided to give it one more shot. As the trial was about to begin he asked if he could approach the bench. "Your Honor," he said, " I must be excused from this trial because I am prejudiced against the defendant. I took one look at the man in the blue suit with those shifty, beady eyes and that dishonest face and I said 'He's a crook! He's guilty, guilty, guilty'. So your Honor, I could not possibly stay on this jury!" With a tired annoyance the judge replied, "Get back in the jury box. Old Shifty-Eyes is the prosecutor."

» Mini-Pencil Art

A blind man was describing his favorite sport, parachuting. When asked how this was accomplished, he said that things were all done for him: "I am placed in the door and told when to jump" "My hand is placed on my release ring for me, and out I go" "But how do you know when you are going to land?" he was asked. "I have a very keen sense of smell and I can smell the trees and grass when I am 300 feet from the ground" he answered. "But how do you know when to lift your legs for the final arrival on the ground?" he was again asked. He quickly answered "Oh, the dog's leash goes slack".





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Print only selected areas 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, Aug 25

Thank you Elizabeth!

Would you believe, the lowest cost hot water tank is 
at Sears and is made in the US?
With the low US dollar, US manufacturers are slowly
becoming competitive again!
That sure is a good sign!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Laugh at your problems; everybody else does. --- Socratex "This book is dedicated to my brilliant and beautiful wife without whom I would be nothing. She always comforts and consoles, never complains or interferes, asks nothing, and endures all. She also writes my dedications." --- Albert Malvino "Not many men have both good fortune and good sense." -- Livy (59BC-17AD)
Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History were marveling at the dinosaur bones. One of them asked the guard, "Can you tell me how old the dinosaur bones are?" The guard replied, "They are 3 million, four years, and six months old." "That's an awfully exact number," said the tourist. "How do you know their age so precisely?" The guard answers, "Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years ago."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

The stockbroker's secretary answered his phone one morning. "I'm sorry," she said, "Mr. Bradford's on another line." "This is Mr. Ingram's office," the caller said. "We'd like to know if he's bullish or bearish right now." "Right now I'd say he's sheepish," the secretary replied. "He's talking to his wife."
Molly-the-Witch Peony seed head
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to George Howard, 59, Luisville, Kentucky 59-Year-Old Guy Busted For Driving, Drinking Beer, Having Sex At Same Time Kentuckian George Howard is facing several criminal charges following his arrest this morning for allegedly engaging in some illegal automotive multitasking. The Kentucky man was arrested early this morning after police spotted his 2006 Ford swerving across the road in a Louisville suburb. At one point, the vehicle collided with the curb, almost causing an accident. Cops say that Howard, 59, was having difficulty controlling the auto because he was simultaneously driving, drinking a beer, and having sex with his 53-year-old female passenger (whose head was buried between Howard’s legs). Howard, pictured in the mug shot, copped to having sex while driving, according to a Jefferstown Police Department report. An officer reported spotting Howard drinking a beer prior to a traffic stop. A subsequent Breathalyzer test recorded his blood alcohol content at .152, nearly twice the state’s .08 limit. Howard’s companion, who was not arrested, tried to hide a beer under her dress as police approached. When Howard exited the car, “his pants fell to the ground,” police reported. Booked for drunk driving, wanton endangerment, and reckless driving, Howard was released from jail late this afternoon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Print just the selection Once again I request info on how to extract one part of your awesome letter for printing - i really don't know how to do it - once I've highlighted a section, what then? and that in itself is not easy - Dear Sarah Highlight what you want printed Hit CTRL P Move the radio button to Selection Click on Print That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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My friend had a wedding to go to, and needed a wedding gift. Aha, she thought, I have that monogrammed silver tray from my wedding that I never use. I'll just take it to a silversmith and have him remove my monogram and put hers on it. Voila, one cheap wedding present." She took it to the silversmith and asked him to remove her monogram and put the new one on. The silversmith examined the tray carefully, shook his head and said, "Lady, this can only be done so many times!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Hairband from Wet Hair If you have trouble taking a hair ponytail band out of your hair after swimming, try this. Rub some hair conditioner on it. It will come out easy and not pull out your hair. By Donna from Bartlesville, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was this scientist doing a study on how frogs respond to commands. He tells a frog to jump. The frog jumps 30 feet. He writes in his log book, frog jumps 30 feet. Then he cuts off one leg. He gives the same command to frog. It jumps 25 feet. In Log: Cut off one leg, frog jumps 5 less feet. He cuts off another leg. Frog goes 20 feet. He records it in log book. Then he cuts off the 3rd leg, commands frog to jump. Frog jumps 10 feet. He writes, cut off 3 legs and frog now jumps 10 less feet. Finally, he cuts off the last leg and commands frog, JUMP! The Frog doesn 't move an inch. So the scientist writes in his book... Cut off all 4 legs and frog GOES DEAF!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One gossip to another: "It's my policy never to say anything about anyone unless it's something good. And is this ever good!"

» Changing times

It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "Mom!" She shrieked, "come quick! It's the stork!"





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Ideal typing position 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, Aug 24

Had to heat up water in pots today for a bucket and sponge
wash instead of a shower. The water tank has sprung a leak. 

Heating the water wasn't a big deal. I had done that countless
times, when I lived and worked in the bush in the arctic.
Since it gets quite warm in the afternoon, I'll lay a black 
garbage bag onto the deck roof and connect it to
a $10 solar shower. 

In the arctic I used to hang a couple of solar shower bags
from the gable of the wall tent, right above the wood stove,
and had a clear plastic shower rigged behind the tent.
That worked quite well, even at -40, once I figured the top 
and sides of the shower had to be perfectly air tight and 
the entrance by lifting one of the sides and crawling in
and up onto the raised styrofoam floor from below. 

Living in the bush required a bit of extra work, but had
it's own rewards.

A solar shower should tide me over, until I can save enough
for a small hot water tank.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his. --- Franklin P. Jones A perpetual holiday is a good working definition of hell. --- George Bernard Shaw
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The tourist in London climbed into a cab and noticed by the license that his cab driver's name was Winston Churchill. Trying to make conversation, he said, "I see your name is Winston Churchill." The driver simply said, "Yep. That's my moniker." The passenger, not willing to give up yet on some banter, said, "That's a pretty famous name." The driver responded with, "As well it should be too. I've been driving a cab here for over forty years!"
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Amber Rose for this: The English language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals. We are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese. However, less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (as well as their cousins the rooks and ravens), an Exaltation of doves and, presumably because they look so wise, a Parliament of owls. Now consider a group of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, most viciously aggressive and least intelligent of all primates. And what is the proper collective noun for a group of baboons? Believe it or not ....... a Congress!
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Molly-the-Witch Peony seed head
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 24 year old Warren, Michigan bonehead whose name and picture is withheld by Michigan media. Police video Driving with no brakes ROSEVILLE, Mich. -- The feet of a 24-year-old Warren (Detroit-area) bonehead failed him as he tried to use them to brake his car on a busy street. Roseville Police Deputy Chief James Berlin said the man rolled about two miles on Groesbeck Highway while while sticking his feet outside his car in attempts to stop it, hitting four vehicles along the way. He managed to stop the truck twice, but continued driving. Berlin said the man admitted he knew the brakes weren't working but wanted to get home because he had work issues. He hit two vehicles after a running a red light and continued on and hit two more at another intersection. He said the driver was finally stopped when an officer caught up with him and told him to put the truck in park. "I just can't believe anybody would think for a second they could make it home using their feet as a brake," Berlin said. No one was injured during Wednesday afternoon's accidents, but the man received a citation for reckless driving. Berlin said the man passed field sobriety tests, but his driver's license also was suspended at the time of the accidents. "It's so stupid it's comical. But it could have been very tragic," Berlin said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Karina Re: Typing position Dear Webby Time to play referee again. Our night-school teacher insists that the proper seating position is is with the back and neck straight, upper arms perfectly straight down, elbows pressed against the body, fore-arms and wrist and hands perfectly level. I thought that position had gone out of style. What do you say ? Karina Dear Karina You are right. Except during interviews I have not seen that sitting position since the 70's. It does make you look more attractive to a male interviewer, than any other typing position, but it is by no means the fastest typing position, and it leads to fatigue and even repetitive strain injury. Today, (except for interviews '-) a more relaxed typing position is favored. Elbows out, forearms slightly downward, hands in a relaxed curve. That position often adds about 5 words per minute to your speed. A not too firm but smooth wrist rest helps most people to gain additional speed. However, if you type faster than me, it makes no difference to me what typing position you use, as long as you change it slightly about every 15 - 30 minutes. The changing is the most important part of the sitting position. That avoids repetitive strain injury. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A passenger train is creeping along, painfully slow. Finally, it creaks to a complete halt. A passenger sees a conductor walking by outside. "What's going on?" she yells out the window. "Cow on the track!" replies the conductor. Ten minutes later, the train resumes its slow pace. Within five minutes, however, it stops again. The woman sees the same conductor walking by again. She leans out the window and yells, "What happened? Did we catch up with the cow again?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Hairband from Wet Hair If you have trouble taking a hair ponytail band out of your hair after swimming, try this. Rub some hair conditioner on it. It will come out easy and not pull out your hair. By Donna from Bartlesville, OK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day during cooking class, the teacher, Mrs. Pritchard, was extolling her secrets for preparing perfect sauces. When she ordered us to the stoves to prepare our assignments, she said, "Don't forget to use wooden spoons." As I stirred my sauce, I contemplated the physics behind the mystery of the wooden spoon and decided it must have something to do with heat conduction. I approached Mrs. Pritchard to test my theory. "Why wooden spoons?" I asked. "Because," she replied, "if I have to sit here listening to all you idiots banging metal spoons against metal pots, I'd murder too many of you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
As a roving columnist for a regional agricultural publication, I gather material by traveling with a saddle horse and a pack mule. Because my job is a bit unusual, my writings have attracted a following. Admittedly, my ego soars when folks recognize me and stop to chat. I had things put in their proper perspective, however, one hot day in eastern Montana. My animals and I were loafing along. As a stock truck passed by us, the driver waved, and I waved back. I was sure that he was one of my fans. Minutes later, the truck driver came back and pulled off to the side of the road. "You're that writer fellow, aren't you?" he asked. "That's right," I replied, beaming. "I thought so," he said. "I recognized your mule."

» Magic Square

A husband and wife were at a party chatting with some friends when the subject of marriage counseling came up. "Oh, we'll never need that. My husband and I have a great relationship," the wife explained. "He was a communications major in college and I majored in theater arts. He communicates real well and I just act like I'm listening."





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Can vacuuming hurt a computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, Aug 23

Even though it cooled off at night to just a few degrees
above freezing, it sure was hot in daytime! During my 
evening walk up to the water tower and from there to the
hospital and the walking trail from there back down into
the valley, I carefully adjusted my route to include the 
shade of some tall pines. I didn't quite stop in the shade,
but I sure slowed down and enjoyed it!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Technology is dominated by two types of people: Those who understand what they do not manage. Those who manage what they do not understand. --- Socratex "Sometimes I wonder whether the world is being run by smart people who are putting us on, or by imbeciles who really mean it." --- Mark Twain "Sometimes I get the feeling the whole world is against me, but deep down I know that's not true. Some smaller countries are neutral." --- Robert Orben
A man's best friend dies, so he calls the nearest flower shop to order a wreath of flowers to be displayed at the wake. "Put an extra-wide ribbon on it," he tells the clerk. "Print 'Rest in Peace' on both sides and, if there is room, 'We Shall Meet in Heaven.'" The clerk assures him that his order will be carried out and the wreath promptly delivered to the funeral home. Sure enough, the wreath arrives and is set up next to the casket. But the mourners are stunned when they see it. On the extra-wide ribbon is the inscription, "Rest in peace on both sides", and, "If there is room, we shall meet in Heaven."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Renata for this story: Curious when I found two black-and-white negatives in a drawer, I had them made into prints. I was pleasantly surprised to see that they were of a younger, slimmer me, taken on one of my first dates with my husband. When I showed him the photos, his face lit up. "Wow, look at that!" he said. "It's my old Plymouth!"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrea Antoine-Pierre, 52, in Port St Lucie, Florida Attack with potted Basil PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla., Aug. 19 (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a woman accused of throwing a potted basil plant at her husband during an argument about his cooking. Port St. Lucie police said Andrea Antoine-Pierre, 52, arrived home Monday while her 60-year-old husband, whose name was not released, was preparing food in the kitchen, TCPalm.com reported Friday. "They then began to argue about what type of meat was supposed to be cooked," the police report states. The husband told police he was walking away from Antoine-Pierre when she threw the basil plant, which struck his left shoulder. He said she tried to throw rocks at him outside but did not make contact. Antoine-Pierre told police she threw the plant on the ground and the dirt "must have bounced" to get on her husband's shoulder. Antoine-Pierre was arrested on a domestic battery charge. Nobody will be surprised, if the gent will soon be cooking for a woman, who is more appreciative and has better kitchen manners.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bill Re: is vacuuming computers dangerous? Dear Webby, In this letter in the tech dept you said it was a good idea to vacuum out your computer. How do you do that? I really am hesitant to take anything apart for fear I won't get it back together right. Thanks, Sharon Dear Bill Ignore those clueless wussies. Power supplies and battery chargers have always had a 10 MegaOhm bypass resistor to bleed off static. In addition to that, nowadays all chips are CMOS. Think of that as the equivalent of the rubber diaphragm in a truck or train's air brake. The air never gets to the brake pads, it just pushes onto the diaphragm and thereby pushes back the springs, that try to put the brakes on. CMOS chips have the same diaphragm, and no current flows THROUGH them. You just have voltage pushing and pulling on the diaphragm, which in turn activates on/off valves on the other side of it. If there was a static spike, it would get stopped at the next CMOS device. In addition to that, there are bypass resistors to bleed off anything dangerous. Without all that, you could not carry a laptop on a carpet or scratch your head on a dry day. In addition to that, almost all decent vacuum cleaners, except for some really mickey-mouse rechargeable ones, have black hoses and attachments. The black is from soot in the rubber or plastic, that makes them conductive and bleeds off static. Just don't use compressed air or gas! THAT creates dangerous static that can shock YOU and cause you to drop stuff, blows dirt into even less convenient places, and kills kids who "huff" the stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An old man was in his golden years, but that didn't stop him from trying to pick up the younger ladies. He went to the local bar, approached a very pretty and very young woman and said, "Where have you been all my life?" The young lady takes one glance at him and says, "For the first half of it, I wasn't even born yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Glue Paper Plate to Paint Can You'll keep the floor neater during the next painting job if you glue a paper plate to the bottom of your paint can, instead of trying to move newspapers under the container every time you set it down. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Working at an airline ticket counter, I pulled up a passenger's reservation that showed his name as "Cole, Pheven." "I'd like to be certain our information is correct," I said to him. "What is your first name?" "It's Stephen," he replied. "I hope the reservation agent got it right. I told him it's spelled with a ph."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It's graduation day at the teacher's college, and everybody is going to get their diploma but Jon. At the assembly, the entire senior class stands up and shouts "Let Jon graduate, let Jon graduate!" The principal agrees to give Jon one last chance. "If I have five apples in my right hand and five in my left hand, Jon, how many apples do I have?" he asked. Jon thought long and hard and then said: "Ten." And the entire senior class stood up and shouted "Give Jon another chance. Give Jon another chance!"

» Plethora

Early one morning a Priest heard a noise outside his door. When he opened it, he saw a donkey fall over dead. Not knowing what to do about the situation, he called the mayor and related the situation. The mayor couldn't resist jabbing at the Priest and said, "Father, I thought that in a case like that the duty of a Priest was to bury the dead." Without any hesitation, the Priest said, "No, my duty is to to notify next of kin, so that they can pay for funeral arrangements."





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Vacuuming out the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Aug 22

Thank you, Matt!

------------
Just received this from Ivan in Libya:
All the carnage was distant until night fell then the sea 
boiled over with small fast boats that dumped 10 or more 
Special Forces and Al Qaida each at hundreds of points 
along the beach in and around Tripoli. The slaughter began 
at that moment. The distraction of the small gangs inside the 
city proved successful and allowed the unfettered invasion 
from the sea. Killing hundreds of thousands of Libyans in the 
next few days may be the result of this full fledged attack
 by NATO.

1300 innocent civilians killed in Tripoli in the last 11 hours + 
5000 injured. Nonstop bombings and 3 Apache gunships firing 
their mini-cannons constantly are the real killers. The gangs 
of Al Qaida are burning houses, looting shops and kidnapping 
every woman in sight on a street. Any prominent supporter of 
Ghadafi was targeted and their houses attacked first. The number 
of gangs have been increasing, because they are coming in 
from the sea in small NATO craft directed by the Special Forces 
of the 30 participating NATO nations, and include all the 
professional demonstrators, who want to take advantage of
the situation to do some major looting and maybe a bit more. 
Ivan
---------------
Looks like after six months of bombing and a massive D-Day
style allied invasion from the sea, the government of Libya is
about to fall. People are just tired of the continuous bombing
every night, and hope to be able to deal with Al Quaeda and 
the Communists later.

In the meantime, women flush their make-up stuff, burn
Western clothes, and mostly they just hide. 
Somebody is going to be sorry.
There may well be another revolution later on.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Sound travels slowly. Sometimes the things you say when your kids are teenagers don't reach them till they're in their 40s. --- Socratex
A soldier was asked to report to headquarters for assignment. The sergeant said: "We have a critical shortage of typists. I'll give you a little test. Type this," he ordered, giving him a pamphlet to copy and a sheet of paper, and pointing to a desk across the room that held a typewriter and an adding machine. The soldier, quite reluctant to become a clerk typist, made a point of typing very slowly, and saw to it that his work contained as many errors as possible. The sergeant gave the typed copy only a brief glance. "That's fine," he said. "Report for work at 8 tomorrow." "But aren't you going to check the test?" the prospective clerk asked. The sergeant grinned. "You passed the test when you sat down at the typewriter instead of at the adding machine."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Newspapers 1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. 2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. 3. The New York Times is read by people who think that Soros bought the right people to run the country. 4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don't really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie charts. 5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn't mind running the country, if they could spare the time, and if they didn't have to leave LA to do it. And they are nt quite sure whether it is coke or weed, that is illegal. 6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. 7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren't too sure who's running the country, and don't really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. 8. The New York Post is read by people who don't care who's running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated and/or extramarital. 9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren't sure there is a country .... or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. There are occasional exceptions if the leaders are handicapped minority feminist atheist dwarfs, who also happen to be illegal aliens from ANY country or galaxy, as long as they are Democrats. 10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores. 11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
Thanks to Sandie for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Steve Horner in St George, Utah Bonehead fights Nevada's Ladies Night law Man targets Nevada's ladies' night law ST. GEORGE, Utah (UPI) -- A Utah man known for his sex discrimination lawsuits against businesses with "ladies' night" promotions said his sights are set on repealing a Nevada law. Horner is actually from Minnesota, where he was jailed for being a nuisance to the commissioner of Minnesota's Department of Human Rights, and later encouraged to leave the state. Steve Horner is currently in St. George, Utah and said he wants to see Nevada lawmakers repeal the law, which was passed this summer and takes effect Oct. 1, because it allows for "ladies' night" promotions that offer free admission and discounts on the basis of gender, the Las Vegas Sun reported Friday. Horner said he filed complaints with the Nevada Equal Rights Commission last year against the Blue Martini bar and restaurant in Las Vegas over its ladies' night, but the complaint was rejected because he had never been to the bar in person. Horner said allowing ladies' night promotions is discriminatory and unconstitutional. "How can you say you're an egalitarian state one moment, and then you're not when there's money to be made?" he said. Considering the number of currently shut down casinos, bars and restaurants in Nevada, it is probably a good idea for Horner to stay in Utah.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Vacuuming out the computer Dear Webby, In this letter in the tech dept you said it was a good idea to vacuum out your computer. How do you do that? I really am hesitant to take anything apart for fear I won't get it back together right. Thanks, Sharon Dear Sharon Turn the computer off, but don't unplug it. It's safer if it is properly grounded. Don't unplug anything, but look at the back of the computer. You will see that most of the plugs and cables are closer to one of the side walls than the other. They are closer to the "floor" side. The opposite side is the "lid" side. Usually the lid has thumbscrews or larger screws than the floor side, or a big sliding knob. If you see that knob, try that first. Unscrew the two or three screws on the lid. Then you can slide it backwards and open it easily. Set it aside flat on the floor. If you don't, it will fall over and scare you right when you are under the table. When that happens, it's quite hilarious for the onlookers. Now take a vaccum cleaner and put the narrow crevice tool on it, if you have one. Vacuum out the inside of the computer, preferably without quite touching anything in there. The dust and the dustbunnies and spiderwebs are all lightweight and vacuum up easily. You will see one or more fan shrouds. Normally, they can be removed without tools, but usually you have to look at them with a flashlight, to see where you have to push to snap them loose. Remove those shrouds and clean the fancy looking heat sinks under them really well. You may need a Q-Tip to help you there. Then put the vacuum away so that you don't trip over it, find the lid and re-attach it. Carefully empty the vaccum cleaner and retrieve the vacuumed up lid screws and use them to secure the lid. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Grandpa and granddaughter were sitting talking when she asked, "Did God make you, Grandpa?" "Yes, God made me," the grandfather answered. A few minutes later, the little girl asked him, "Did God make me too?" "Yes, God made you," the older man answered. For a few minutes, the little girl seemed to be studying her grandpa, as well as her own reflection in a nearby mirror, while her grandfather wondered what was running through her mind. At last she spoke up. "You know, Grandpa," she said, "God's doing a lot better job lately."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash Shower Curtain with Clips Attached I used to hate washing my shower curtain. Undoing all those clips at the top, what a bore! One day, I took the entire curtain, clips and all, and threw it in the washing machine on delicate. What a time saver! No damage was done to the curtain and I saved so much time and aggravation. By junk02915 from Riverside, RI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An extremely shy fellow once brought his date a bouquet of flowers. She threw her arms around him and kissed him long and hard. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door. She exclaimed, "Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to offend you." "You didn't!" he replied. "I'm just going to run down to the cemetery and steal some more flowers!"

» Igneous Rocks

"Doctor, you've got to help me. I'm always talking to myself." "Now, Judy," he replied, "that's not too serious, lots of people these days talk to themselves." "Yes . . ." she whined, "but I'm such a bore!"





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Internet Exolorer stops working 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Aug 21

Thank you, Rose!


If one was to believe all the reports coming out of California,
this might be a good time to back up all your data onto Mozy,
pack up your keepsakes and go for a camping trip to the
mountains. 

Steaming hills, petrochemical smells on the beaches, 
and tens of thousands of micro-tremors, all combine 
to give the predictionists and alarmists reasons to grab 
significant amounts of news time.

Keep in mind, though, this time of year is called the
"Silly Season" by traditional media, because the politicians
are on vacation and not doing anything stupid or newsworthy,
so anything that fills space will be printed.

I even remember reading a Science Fiction novel called
"Silly Season" in the late 70's, where Aliens took advantage
of that, and managed to get quite well established before
anybody took news of their invasion serious.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The less skilled the player, the more likely he is to share expertise about the game. --- Socratex A golf match is a test of your skill against your opponent's blind luck. --- Socratex Simple, clear purpose and principles give rise to complex intelligent behavior. Complex rules and regulations give rise to simple stupid behavior. --- Socratex
A woman walks into her boss' office with this complaint: "All the other women in the office are suing you for sexual harassment. "Since you haven't sexually harassed me, I'm suing you for discrimination."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Thanks to Mary for this: I have always dreaded old age. I cannot imagine anything worse than being old. How awful it must be to have nothing to do all day long but stare at the walls or watch TV? So last week, when somebody suggested we all celebrate Senior Citizen Week by cheering up a senior citizen, I decided to do just that. I would call on my new neighbor, an elderly retired gentleman, recently widowed, and who, I presumed, had moved in with his married daughter because he was too old to take care of himself. I baked a batch of cookies, and, without bothering to call (some old people cannot hear the phone), I went off to brighten this old guy's day. When I rang the doorbell this "old guy" came to the door dressed in tennis shorts and a polo shirt, looking about as ancient and decrepit as Donny Osmond. "I'm sorry I can't invite you in," he said when I introduced myself, "but I'm due at the Racquet Club at two. I'm playing in the semifinals today." "Oh that's all right," I said. "I baked you some cookies..." "Great!" he interrupted, snatching the box. "Just what I need for bridge club tomorrow! Thanks so much!" I continued, "...and just thought we'd visit a while. But that's okay! I'll just trot across the street and call on Granny Grady." "Don't bother," he said. "Gran's not home; I know. I just called to remind her of our date to go dancing tonight. She may be at the beauty shop. She mentioned at breakfast (at which house?) that she had an appointment for a tint job.". So I went home and called my Mother's cousin (age 83); she was in the hospital... working in the gift shop... I called my aunt (age 74); she was on vacation in China... I called my husband's uncle (age 79). I forgot; he was on his honeymoon. I still dread old age, now more than ever. I just don't think I'm up to it.

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Evan Salas, 19, and Brandon Smith, 18 in Pinellas County, Florida Florida teens shoot 275 cars JANUARY 27--A pair of Florida teenagers arrested yesterday for damaging 275 vehicles in a BB gun shooting spree that caused in excess of $100,000 in damages told police that they carried out the vandalism because they were “bored.” Evan Salas, 19, and Brandon Smith, 18, were collared for a rampage through three cities in Pinellas County. The men, who shot up cars Friday night into Saturday morning, were each charged with felony criminal mischief, according to arrest affidavits. Salas (left) and Smith are pictured in the above mug shots. When confronted by Pinellas County Sheriff’s Office investigators, Salas and Smith reportedly copped to damaging cars and trucks in Belleair Bluffs, Largo, and Seminole. Asked why they would engage in such behavior, investigators noted, the pair explained they were “bored." According to police, Smith and Salas were both armed with newly purchased CO2-powered BB guns and took turns “randomly shooting at vehicles” from Smith’s car. Following his arrest, Smith admitted “shooting out windows of unoccupied vehicles,” according to an arrest affidavit. Salas made a similar confession, admitting his involvement with “35% to 40% of the shooting.” Both men were booked Wednesday into the county jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lindsay Re: Internet Explorer stops working Dear Webby, Love your newsletter, reading it from side-to-side & top-to-bottom. I've noticed you have solved some concerns for other people, so I thought I'd ask some advice for myself. I have a laptop computer upon which I keep getting a pop-up message stating: "Internet Explorer" has stopped working. Windows will try to fix the problem. So far windows has not been successful, and without the Internet Explorer, I cannot send email's and I cannot play my favorite games, and...well, I can't really do much of anything on my laptop. I've searched and several times I thought I had fixed the problem, but no luck. I thought you might be able to help me. Thanks for considering this problem...keep the newsletter coming! MaryLou Dear MaryLou That sounds like a typical W7 feature. Internet Explorer seems to be not quite compatible with it. It works OK on some sites, but not enough of them to make it practical and usable. For example, it works OK on the online page of the Humor Letter, but miserably fails at the Internet Frog speed test. Just use FireFox. Even an old version of FireFox, like 3.5, works better and quite reliable. It gets along just fine with Gmail and you will never see that silly message again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Overheard in the elevator: And then she said... "I was worried that my mechanic might try to rip me off. I was soo relieved when he told me that all I needed was blinker fluid. Naturally, I got the organic, biodegradable kind, even though it was a bit more expensive."
Daily tip from
Thriftyfun.com Wash Shower Curtain with Clips Attached I used to hate washing my shower curtain. Undoing all those clips at the top, what a bore! One day, I took the entire curtain, clips and all, and threw it in the washing machine on delicate. What a time saver! No damage was done to the curtain and I saved so much time and aggravation. By junk02915 from Riverside, RI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young woman, two months pregnant, went to see her obstetrician. He was in a hurry to leave on an emergency call, so he asked her to quickly bare her stomach, then reached into his desk and took out a rubber stamp, which he pressed beside her navel. Then he rushed off. At home, she and her husband tried to read the tiny words printed on her belly, but they were too small. They then found a magnifying glass and tried to read the words; the stamp read: "When your husband can read this without his glasses, it's time for the next check-up."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The obituary editor of our newspaper is not one to admit his mistakes easily. One day he got a phone call from an irate subscriber. The caller complained that his name had been printed in the obituary column. "Really?" replied the editor calmly. "Where are you calling from?"

» Canning Season

The Irish priest was at the altar one dreary Sunday morning, addressing his congregation with a vehement sermon that alcohol was the work of the devil. "As an example," he stated during his sermon, "If you were to lead a donkey to a bowl of water and a bowl of whiskey, from which would he drink?" A grizzled old Mick at the back of the church spoke up: "Aye, Father, for sure he'd drink from the water." The priest, elated, said, "Very good, my son. And can you tell me WHY he'd drink from the water?" The Irishman at the back of the church replied, "Sure I can tell ye' why, Father. Because he's an ass and not an Irishman."





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Wide screens too coarse 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, Aug 20

Jerome at SpirtitScents.com
figured out my problem, that my ISP had misconfigured the mess
they made with a proxy on their side. So I cussed at the 
boneheads until they fixed their mess. I didn't have to make 
any changes and I refrained from doing anything on my side,
that would have complicated the issue. After only two hours
of running down the batteries in two cordless phones, they
finally figured how their settings should be, and everything 
worked again. 

Thanks, Jerome!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The easiest way to make your old car run better is to check the prices of a new car. --- Socratex If voting could really change things, it would be illegal. --- Socratex
Thanks to Jeanne for this one: Looking in the mall for a nightgown, I tried my luck in a store known for its sexy lingerie. To my delight, however, I found just what I was looking for. Waiting in the line to pay, I noticed a young woman behind me holding the same item. This confirmed what I suspected all along: despite being nearly 60, I still have a very "with it" attitude. "I see we have the same taste," I said proudly to the 20- something behind me. "Yes," she replied. "I'm getting this for my gramma."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

A man is sitting in the coach section of a flight from New York to Chicago biting his finger nails and sweating profusely. Noticing his disturbed expression, a flight attendant walks over and says, "Sir, can I get you something from the bar to calm you down?" The man gives a nod of approval while shaking terribly. She comes back with a drink and he downs it quickly. Ten minutes later, the flight attendant sees the same man shaking and biting his nails. She brings him another drink which he swallows immediately. A half hour later she returns to see that the man is shaking uncontrollably, and apparently crying. "My goodness," the flight attendant says, "I've never seen someone so afraid to fly." "I'm not afraid of flying," says the man sobbing loudly, "I'm a pilot, but I am trying to give up drinking."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Justin Newberry, 23, Tennessee Man Accidentally Shoots Himself while Driving Down Interstate 24 Clarksville, TN – Today, August 17th, around 1:30pm Justin Newberry, 23 was in a Nissan Altima driving westbound on I-24 when he had to apply his brakes to slow down for traffic. After he applied the brakes, a handgun known as “The Judge” slid out from under the seat. When Newberry reached down to pick it up he grabbed it by the trigger at which time “The Judge” went off. The round, which was a 410 slug, went into right thigh, exited, and continued on until it hit him in the left leg just above the ankle. He was able to safely pull the car into the median area about mile marker 6 and call 911 for help. To shoot through his thigh and into his ankle, the gun must have been held fairly high, as if by a passenger. He was transported by Lifeflight to Vanderbilt and is in stable condition. There were multiple forms of identification from different locations in the car so officers were not able to determine where he is from or where he was headed prior to be taken away by Lifeflight. Additionally, officers on the scene found marijuana and drug paraphernalia inside of the vehicle. Charges are pending. That particular handgun is very odd looking. It is a revolver, with the drum almost twice as long as the barrel, and made to shoot .410 shotgun shells or .410 slugs. They are not known for accidentally going off, but for awsome recoil.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lindsay Re: Coarse wide monitor Dear Webby, I followed your instructions and tried for hours to get acceptable results on my laptop screen. The oily slime look of course did not help at all. It makes it look like a reasonably sharp picture from the distance, but it is just an illusion. Fine graphics are not, and small details on spreadsheet charts are washed together. What can I do, that I haven't done yet? Help! Lindsay Dear Lindsay For a start, stop listening to the liars, who try to con you into believing wide monitors are top quality. They are not. They are rejects, no matter how hysterical the liars get. If you put any wide screen laptop beside, for example, a Lenovo 1600 x 1200 4:3 flat screen monitor, then you will instantly see the difference. The 1600 x 1200 screen has real pixels in the number claimed, not fake pixels claiming to be the equivalent of whatever the advertising department printed. If you shop around and check with PriceGrabber, you can find 16" x 12", 1600 x 1200 monitors for less than the cost of new glasses. Your laptop has a socket in the back for plugging in an external monitor. Then you will see lines on charts, that are only one pixel away from other lines, not washed together lines, and graphics the way they were intended to be seen. Yes, I am quite opinionated on this topic, and quite happy, that I was smart enough to buy a refurbished Lenovo 16" x 12" three - four years ago, and that, in spite of my diabetes, the prescription for my glasses has not changed in four years. A decent monitor makes a huge difference! Have FUN! DearWebby
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During a recent business trip to Boeing's Everett, Washington factory, I noticed several 747 and 777 airliners being assembled. Before the engines were installed, huge weights were hung from the wings to keep the planes balanced. The cast iron weights were bright yellow and black and marked, "14,000 lbs." But what I found particularly interesting was some stenciling I discovered on the side of each weight. Imprinted there was the warning: "Remove before flying."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Paper Clip to Mark Tape End To keep from losing the end of postage tape, place a paper clip on the sticky side of the tape just below where you are making the cut. Store the tape with the paper clip, and you are ready to go next time you need to use the tape. The paper clip is easy to pull off and thick enough to keep from losing the end of the tape. By Hate Litter from NC http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Judi and Trisha were at an auto show. There they saw a hot-rod with a jacked up rear. "Judi, why is the back end higher than the front?" Trisha asked. "Don't you know ANYTHING?" Judi sighed exasperated. "If you've got the back up like that, then you're always going downhill and save a lot of gas!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An enormously wealthy 65-year-old man falls in love with a young woman in her twenties and is contemplating a proposal. "Do you think she'd marry me if I tell her I'm 45?" he asked a friend. "Your chances are better," said the friend, "if you tell her you're 90."

» Who's on first

A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. They dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage, much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. He called her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?"





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Wide monitor is inconvenient 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, Aug 19
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Sure had a frustrating afternoon and evening! The ISP offered
to upgrade the connection from 2 to 15 Mbps and lower the 
cost a little bit.

Well, on the W7 laptop the speed increased download speed to 
7 Mbps, but and decreased  upload speed to a pathetic 375 kbps.
That's the good news.

On the XP desktop, my main work machine, I can no longer use 
browsers. I even uninstalled FireFox and re-installed a known good 
version. That did not help at all. 

What is funny is that I can get and send mail and work on the
server command lines, just browsing is blocked.

Who do I ask for help, when I can't figure out a problem?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"I hope that someday we will be able to put away our fears and prejudices and just laugh at people." --- Jack Handey
A teenager who had just received her learner's permit offered to drive her parents to church. After a hair-raising ride, they finally reached their destination. The mother got out of the car and said, "Thank you!" "Anytime," her daughter replied. As the woman slammed the door, she said, "I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to God."
Back by popular demand: Competition BBQ Secrets Still the best book for and about BBQ! Not just large competition recipes, but secrets for any type of BBQ, large or intimate. Now you can afford it: Competition BBQ Secrets

Aboard a flight from L.A. to New York, Grandma Esther was taking her very first flight. They had only been aloft a few minutes when the elderly lady complained to the stewardess that her ears were popping. The girl smiled and gave the older woman some chewing gum, assuring her that many people experienced the same discomfort. When they landed in New York, Grandma thanked the stewardess. "The chewing gum worked fine," she said, "but tell me, how do I get it out of my ears?"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Juwan D. Wilson, 18 in Wichita, Kansas Suspect calls the cops himself Authorities say an 18-year-old suspect in a high-speed chase went to class at Hutchinson Community College after the chase was called off Monday morning by the Kansas Highway Patrol. Then, after police found the suspect's green Chevy Blazer parked at the local college and had it towed, Juwan D. Wilson reportedly called the Hutchinson Police Department to report someone had stolen his vehicle. "That kind of made it easy," Patrol trooper Dave Golden said Monday. Wilson, a Wichita resident, was arrested on suspicion of fleeing and eluding law enforcement, reckless driving, driving with a suspended license, and a vehicle registration violation. He was booked Monday into the Reno County jail. The chase started at 10:50 a.m. Monday on K-96 in Reno County, about two miles east of Yoder Road. Golden tried to stop the Chevy Blazer for speeding, but the driver sped off. The pursuit toward Hutchinson twice reached 100 mph, according to Golden, who stopped pursuing the Blazer once it turned onto 11th Avenue in Hutchinson. "When it became too dangerous and came into town, I terminated the pursuit," he said. An HCC student later alerted campus security after spotting the Blazer driving erratically, as it pulled into a college parking lot. Police officers found the Blazer parked at Hutchinson Community College near the Stringer Fine Arts Center and the Sports Arena, according to Hutchinson Police Sgt. Eric Buller. After the vehicle was found, Golden fingerprinted the outside of the Blazer and had it towed. Wilson later came out to the parking lot, saw that his vehicle was missing and called police. "After he was done with class, he saw that it was gone and thought it was stolen," Police officer Lorenzo Bohringer said. A video camera from inside Golden's patrol car helped identify Wilson as a suspect. Wilson was cooperative and later confessed, according to Golden. "He really is a likeable guy, but this was not one of his smarter moves," Golden said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Nita Re: Unsatisfactory wide monitor Dear Webby, I know you do not like the new monitors but I have a 19" and I still must scroll across all day. How wide of a monitor must a person buy to avoid the scrolling across or is it even possible? Thank you for all your help and your excellent Humor letter. Nita Dear Nita My monitor is 16" wide and 12" high, just measuring the actual screen, not the frame. I have the resolution set to 1600 x 1200, 100 dots per inch, and I find that perfect for working. Try setting the resolution higher, and play with the DPI setting to fine tune it, so that everything is perfectly sharp. Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings Slide the slider all the way to the right, or at least to 1600 x 1200. Hit OK to try that out. For fine tuning, Right-click on the desktop Properties Settings Advanced and play with the DPI setting. You may have to adjust icon sizes and fonts and all kinds of stuff afterwards. However, it is well worth it to have perfectly sharp pictures and text in a size, that is right for your eyes. And if you see a 4:3 monitor at a yard sale, grab it! If you pretend to be a professional, you can buy brand new 4:3 monitors, and even 3:4 upright portrait monitors. Have FUN! DearWebby
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An old seed corn salesman entered a tavern, sat down at the bar, and ordered a double scotch on the rocks. After he finished the drink, he peeked inside his shirt pocket, then he ordered another double scotch. After he finished that one, he again peeked inside his shirt pocket and ordered another double scotch. Finally, the bartender said, "Look, buddy, I'll bring you drinks all night long. But you gotta tell me why you look inside your shirt pocket before you order another." The old seed corn salesman replied, "I'm looking at a photo of my wife. When she starts to look good, then I know it's time to go home."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Cloth Napkins from Remnants I love to have tons of dinner napkins, but I do not like the high price on them. I go to Walmart and look through their remnant bin for cheap materials. I just took a remnant home that cost 39 cents and made four dinner napkins out of it. All I did was cut a triangle edge on it. If I had owned a pair of pinking shears, I could have done it much faster. These can be used for all around cleaning and little place mats. I love these little dinner napkins. I make them in smaller sizes than what you would buy at the store for the children and normal if not smaller sizes for me. I am happy with my large collection of dinner napkins. By Robyn from Hampton, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A an old country doctor examined a woman from the country, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I worked in the biology department at Buffalo State College in New York. The Great Lakes Laboratory, also stationed at the college, employed a licensed boat captain to man its research vessel. It was common knowledge that the captain couldn't swim. When newcomers learned of this, they would approach him about it. "Is it true?" one of them asked incredulously. "You, a boat captain, can't swim?" "No, I can't," he replied. "Can pilots fly?"

» Tall Ships

Explaining their policy on not cashing checks for people who don't have accounts with their bank, the teller said, "Why if he didn't have an account here, I wouldn't cash a check for my own brother." The irate customer replied, "Well . . . you know your family a lot better than I."





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