Windows Trojan 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 30

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1452 1st printed book published, Johann Guttenberg's Bible 
1630 1st execution in America-J Billington hanged in Plymouth, MA 
1659 Peter Stuyvesant of New Netherlands forbids tennis playing 
   during religious services 
1791 Mozart's opera "The Magic Flute" premiers in Vienna
1846 Anesthetic ether used for 1st time (Dr Morton extracts a tooth) 
1857 US occupies Sand, Baker, Howland & Jarvis Islands. 
       south of Hawaii
1867 Midway Islands formally declared a US possession 
1880 Henry Draper takes 1st photo of the Orion Nebula 
1895 France proclaims a protectorate over Madagascar
1898 City of NY established 
1928 Leon Vanderstuyft of Belgium cycles record 76 mi 604 yds in 1 hr
1929 1st manned rocket plane flight (by auto maker Fritz von Opel) 
1939 Germany & Russia agree to partition Poland
1941 3,721 Jews are buried alive at Babi Yar ravine (near Kiev) Ukraine
1946 22 Nazi leaders found guilty of war crimes at Nuremberg 
  and hanged
1949 Berlin Airlift ends after 277,000 flights 
1954 1st atomic-powered vessel, submarine Nautilus launched
1967 USSR's Kosmos 186 & 188 complete the 1st automatic docking
1968 1st Boeing 747 rolls out 
1991 Haitian President Jean-Bertand Aristide is ousted
2012  smiled

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Acquaintance, n.: A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to. --- Ambrose Bierce
The first thing I did after being hired as the director of learning technology at the high school was to change the sign outside my door -- the one that had my name followed by the acronym D.O.L.T.
"I'm diabetic, and I'm afraid I've had too much sugar today" the anxious woman told the nurse over the phone. "Are you lightheaded" the nurse asked. "No" the caller replied. "I'm a Brunette"
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Click on the picture for the large version That is CC, one of Dianne's two cats, sitting on one of the Cat-Mats, that she crochets.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Darcee Baney, 27, in Rockford, Ill. Charged With Having Ongoing Sexual Relationship With Female Student Darcee Baney, a 27-year-old teacher at Harlem Middle School has been jailed after she allegedly had an ongoing sexual relationship with a female student. According to Rockford Police, an investigation was launched in August when police were informed she had allegedly engaged in a sexual relationship with a 17-year-old student. Investigators say Baney began a sexual relationship with the student on November 1, 2008. The alleged relationship continued until March 31, 2009. At the time of the alleged relationship, Baney was a varsity basketball coach at Belvidere High School. Baney has been placed on PAID administrative leave, according to Harlem Schools Superintendent Julie Morris. She was booked into jail and charged with five counts of aggravated sexual abuse and five counts of criminal sexual abuse. She was released after posting 10% of a 10,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Win32.Trojan Dear Webby, Good morning and I hope this finds you and yours well. After running my SpyPro this morning there was at the bottom of my list of things<14 of them> an entry for Win32.Trojan. Is this something I should have or not deleted? This is day 2 of finding one of the little gremlins on my computer. I'm very careful which mails I open, and do these just come in mail or can they be picked up just anywhere? I had ran a virus check just prior of the SpyPro and nothing came up in my computer scan. Have a great day and thanks again for the jokes and the internet help. Chris Dear Chris If I checked out SpyPro and all the thousands of Spybot-Search&Destroy and McAfee wanna-bees and clones, I would not have time for anything and would turn into a gruffy old curmudgeon. I stick to McAfee and Spybot-Search&Destroy and live a (technically) very sheltered life. I know that McAfee would never let anything as dangerous as win32.Trojan through and into my computer. So I don't worry about it. About all I can do is recommend that you dump the duct taped mopeds, and get a proper dump truck. With that Trojan on your computer, you don't have to click on bad stuff. It will haul it in in the background all on it's own. You are basically renting your machine out to some hackers. If you are interested in what that Trojan does, here is the info: http://us.mcafee.com/virusInfo/default. ... us_k=98757 What other mischief have you been up to ? Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Your Steam Iron: To remove burned on starch from the iron place a towel dampened with vinegar on the ironing board and sprinkle generously with table salt. Set iron on warm dry setting and run over a towel until the stain is removed. Clean gunk off the surface of an iron by polishing gently with 0000 grade steel wool. Don't try this with a non-stick iron. If iron surface is dull, polish with Pearl Drops or other toothpaste. To clean mineral deposits from a steam iron, fill it with a mixture of equal parts water and white vinegar. Allow it to steam for several minutes, disconnect, and let stand for an hour. Empty the reservoir, rinse well, and repeat if necessary. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Doug and Bill were at the racetrack. Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race, the track tells the government." Bill says, "Well it could be worse." Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the government you won $600?" Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your boyfriend came to me today, and told me that he wants to marry you, and I gave my consent." Oh, Daddy, I'm so happy...." gushed his daughter, "but it's going to be so hard to leave mother after we're married." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed her dad. "You can take her with you."
» Something Fishy Here


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Should I delete obsolete drivers? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1349 People of Krems Austria accuse Jews of poisoning the wells 
1364 Battle of Auray, English forces defeat French at Brittany 
1853 Emigrant ship "Annie Jane" sinks off Scotland, drowning 348
1892 1st night football game played (Mansfield, Penn) 
1907 Construction begins on Washington National Cathedral
1944 Soviet troops invade Yugoslavia 
1990 Washington National Cathedral construction is completed 
after 83 years 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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People ask for criticism, but they only want praise. --- W. Somerset Maugham Some people have so much respect for their superiors they have none left for themselves. --- Peter McArthur
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!, what's that little green thing you've got down there?" The little green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what is that thing, anyway?" The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun." "A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never knew leprechauns were so ugly!" The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts. "You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have peckers." "How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman. "They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!"
There were three country churches in a small Texas town: Presbyterian, Methodist and Catholic. Each church was overrun with pesky squirrels. One day, the Presbyterian church called a meeting to decide what to do about the squirrels. After much prayer and consideration they determined that the squirrels were predestined to be there and they shouldn't interfere with God's divine will. The Methodist group got together and decided that they were not in a position to harm any of God's creations. So, they humanely trapped the squirrels and set them free a few miles outside of town. Three days later, the squirrels were back. It was only the Catholics who were able to come up with the best and most effective solution: They baptized the squirrels and registered them as members of the church. Now they see them only on Christmas and Easter.
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version That is CC, one of Dianne's two cats, sitting on one of the Cat-Mats, that she crochets.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Warren Thomas Michael III, 23, Fleming Island, Florida Jailed For DUI After Squirrel Gets Revenge Warren Thomas Michael III, a 23-year-old Fleming Island man was jailed for DUI Saturday after he was attacked by a pet squirrel. According to the Clay County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched after a witness reported that a man in a silver pick-up truck "with one headlight out" was driving erratically. A deputy caught up with the vehicle and watched as the driver, identified as Michael, nearly crashed head-on with another vehicle traveling the opposite direction. When the deputy pulled Michael over and approached the vehicle, Michael stated that he was driving erratically because a squirrel "was eating him." That's when Michael allegedly revealed a pet squirrel inside his shirt that had apparently bitten him several times. The deputy, however, still smelled a strong odor of alcohol and administered several field sobriety tests, which Michael failed. He later registered a .156 blood-alcohol level, nearly twice the state's legal limit. Michael was booked into the Clay County Jail and charged with driving a vehicle under the influence of alcoholic beverages and/or a controlled substance. He was alter released to his girlfriend. There is no mention in the report about what happened to the blood testing squirrel, or is that alcoholic blood tasting squirrel?
Tech Support Pits: From: Sophie Re: Remove old drivers ? Dear Webby I bought the mouse that you recommended and I'm VERY happy with it. However, I have a question. I didn't UN-install the driver for the old mouse. Is that going to cause grief some day? Thanks Sophie Dear Sophie Unused drivers are like last weeks horoscope: Not looked at any more. Windows only looks at the driver for the currently active mouse. Old mouse drivers are totally ignored. However, since they do take up space, I recommend to un-install no longer used drivers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Cleaning Chemicals With Microfiber: I just purchased microfiber towels and a microfiber mop from QVC.com and I love them. You use the towels to clean almost anything without chemicals. Use them slightly wet to clean countertops, your stove, the bathroom sink, etc. I have never been able to get the shower glass to look clean. This works great, I just follow the wet towel with a dry one. Same with windows. NO chemicals. The mop came with a dust mop and a wet mop. You wet mop, with no chemicals and it drys fast! I love them and no wasting paper towels to clean with, and when you are through just throw in the washing machine. Source: QVC.com. I have used Microfiber cloths for about 15 years. Some words of caution: Dry them on the line, not in a dryer, or you will ruin them. After drying them in a dryer, especially with a bounce sheet in it, they are just an ordinary rag. Avoid bleach in the washing machine. It damages the micro fibers. Mild soap or dish soap works best. I use a small microfiber cloth to catch all the drops on me after a shower, and then use the regular towel just to invigorate the skin. Microfiber cloth also works as an excellent spot and stain remover if somebody has a piza or pasta sauce accident. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Ed A favorite trick at night is to pretend we're still asleep when one of our kids wakes up in the middle of the night demanding our attention. "Erik, he's calling you." (Silence) "Hey wake up. Our son is calling for you." (More Silence) "Erik, I know you're awake. Your breathing changed, and you quit snoring." "*Sigh* Then why can't you go see what he wants? "Because he's calling for you. Besides, I'm still asleep." At three in the morning, I can't argue with logic like this
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bob A young man was sitting next to me in one of the two "husband chairs" in a ladies' clothing store. After 30 minutes and five outfits, the fellow's wife came out of the changing room again. He looked at her and immediately said: "That looks good on you. Get that one." "Honey," she replied, "this is what I was wearing when we came in."
» Wooly Bully


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Is a 3 Terabyte hard drive a good deal? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks Dr Bill!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1066 William the Conqueror lands in England
1858 Donati's comet becomes the 1st to be photographed
1879 Sydney Australia innaugurates steam motor tram route
1906 US troops reoccupy Cuba, stay until 1909
1912 "Kiche Maru" sinks off Japan, killing 1,000 
1914 German forces move into Antwerp Belgium (WW I) 
1922 Mussolini marches on Rome 
1923 Yanks slaughter Red Sox 24-4
1939 Soviet-German treaty agree on 4th partition of Poland
    (WW II) & gives Lithuania to the USSR
1961 Syria withdraws from United Arab Republic 
1972 Japan & Communist China agree to re-establish diplomatic relations
1978 Israeli Knesset endorses Camp David accord 
1986 Record 23,000 start in a marathon (Mexico City) 
2012  smiled

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DearWebby


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A good listener is usually thinking about something else. --- Kin Hubbard Irrigation of the land with seawater desalinated by fusion power is ancient. It's called 'rain'. --- Michael McClary 'Tis an ill wind that blows no minds. --- Malaclypse the Younger Love is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties. --- Socratex
>From Mark Kegerator Calculate your party requirements instantly!
Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies."
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Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tina Sandlin, 35, Southport, Florida Jailed After Cutting Off Pet Rabbit's Head In Front Of Two Horrified Children Tina Sandlin, a 35-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly cut off the head of a family's pet rabbit in front of two horrified children. According to the Bay County Sheriff's Office, Sandlin called two children out of their bedrooms on July 15, held their pet rabbit by its ears and then used a knife to cut off the animal's head while the children watched. Investigators say the children were so upset, it took a while for them to share with their father what had happened. Deputies were sent to a Southport residence on Tuesday to question Sandlin, however she was hiding under a mobile home on Newman Point Road when they arrived. Sandlin was eventually drug out from under the mobile home and taken into custody. Sandlin (who also goes by Tina Byng) was booked into the Bay County Jail and charged with two counts of child abuse/affliction of mental cruelty, felony cruelty to animals and resisting an officer without violence. Sandlin was also apprehended on a warrant for an unrelated DUI case. ------------ Considering those eyes, it is very surprising, that they did not search under that trailer for narcotics and paraphenalia.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: 3 TB hard drive Dear Webby Tiger has a 3 TeraByte hard drive for $120. That seems almost too good a deal. That is barelo more than what Walmart charges for a 1 TB drive. Is it a good deal? Mark Dear Mark That depends on what you want it for. As a back-up or archive drive it is an excellent deal. However, as an active drive it is a big nuisance. Imagine how long a virus scan or defrag will take on a 3 Terabyte drive! Especially with Windows 7, which slows to a crawl during defrag, you would be doing a lot of cussing. For best results keep the C: drive small, reserved for just the Operating System. Put all your programs onto the E: drive, and data that you produce or receive onto the F: drive. Archive and Back-Up should be on the G: drive, which is unplugged except when you actually back up onto it. With Windows7 every little trick helps, and sound drive management like that makes a huge difference. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avoid Cleaning Chemicals With Microfiber: I just purchased microfiber towels and a microfiber mop from QVC.com and I love them. You use the towels to clean almost anything without chemicals. Use them slightly wet to clean countertops, your stove, the bathroom sink, etc. I have never been able to get the shower glass to look clean. This works great, I just follow the wet towel with a dry one. Same with windows. NO chemicals. The mop came with a dust mop and a wet mop. You wet mop, with no chemicals and it drys fast! I love them and no wasting paper towels to clean with, and when you are through just throw in the washing machine. Source: QVC.com. I have used Microfiber cloths for about 15 years. Some words of caution: Dry them on the line, not in a dryer, or you will ruin them. After drying them in a dryer, especially with a bounce sheet in it, they are just an ordinary rag. Avoid bleach in the washing machine. It damages the micro fibers. Mild soap or dish soap works best. I use a small microfiber cloth to catch all the drops on me after a shower, and then use the regular towel just to invigorate the skin. Microfiber cloth also works as an excellent spot and stain remover if somebody has a piza or pasta sauce accident. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>Thanks to Sandie for this one: You Don't have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned, on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the back yard scooted back into the house. They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a mop to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I managed to haul the fat ninny downstairs and throw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly.
» BullsEye


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Sign in automatically 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 27

Beautiful full moon out there, and not too cold yet.
There will be frost by morning, but I won't have to walk
anywhere in the morning.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1290 Earthquake in Gulf of Chili China, reportedly kills 100,000 
1821 Mexican Empire declares its independence
1825 Railroad transportation is born with 1st track in England
1854 Steamship Arctic sank with 300 people aboard 
1939 Warsaw, Poland, surrenders to Germans
1941 1st WW II liberty ship, freighter Patrick Henry, launched 
1953 Typhoon destroys 1/3 of Nagoya Japan
1959 Typhoon Vera, hits Japanese island of Honshu, kills 5,000
1962 US sells Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel
1963 At 10:59 AM US population reaches 190,000,000 
1988 Grand jury evidence shows Tawana Brawley 
    fabricated rape story 
1988 Lab tests reportedly show Shroud of Turin 
   not Christ`s burial cloth 
1991 Pres Bush decides to end full-time B-52 bombers alert 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Once I worked as an operator on an old IBM 370/Model 138 mainframe at a local college. My position had been reclassified to fall into a new area outside of the IT staff. One day, my new supervisor entered the room and stared at the air conditioning unit directly behind me. He studied the two flashing lights for a few moments and asked what job it was currently processing. I killed my career by not making up a story and simply replying, "Actually, sir, it's cooling the room. The computer is over there."
>From Lillemor ----The Hospital's Fault, typical California. A woman has sued her local hospital, saying that after her husband was treated there recently, he has lost all interest in sex. A hospital spokesman replied – “The man was admitted in Ophthalmology -- all we did was correct his eyesight.”
Minister at a funeral service, "Friends, let us say goodbye to our beloved, departed friend. Let us remember that here lies only the shell--the nut has gone!"
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Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Morro bay by Jean Orantes Klima
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Christy Wilson, 34, in Somerset, KY Teacher's Aide - Pleads Guilty To Having Sexual Relationship With 14-Year-Old Student Christy Wilson, a 34-year-old teacher's aide at Southern Middle School will soon face sentencing after she pleaded guilty to raping a 14-year-old student. A Pulaski County grand jury indicted Wilson on four counts of rape back in July, however the jury will not be hearing the case after Wilson pleaded guilty to 3rd degree rape as part of a plea agreement with prosecutors. According to police, Wilson began a sexual relationship with a 14-year-old student who attended the same school. The relationship reportedly continued for three years until the victim's family learned about the relationship and contacted Kentucky State Police. "We think probation should not be granted," stated Assistant Commonwealth Attorney, Jeremy Bartley. "She's not eligible and second, she doesn't deserve to be on probation." Wilson has been placed on house arrest during the course of her court proceedings and has been scheduled to appear in court on November 16 for sentencing.
Tech Support Pits: From: Beverly Re: Stay signed on I look upon you a a great guru of computer wisdom. Please help me resolve this issue. When I sign on to places online that I go to everyday and check the box that says " Keep me signed in on this computer" or something similar, it doesn't do it. I have to enter my screen name and password every time. Is there a setting I can change to fix this? My husband and I are the only ones who use this PC so privacy is not an issue. Thanks! Beverly Dear Beverly When you shut down that computer, Internet Explorer often forgets. FirFox seems to remember. You can use RoboForm to fill in that kind of stuff and any form, that you use often. http://www.webby.com/robo That is free, and goes straight to the download file. Or, if you are worried I might make 4.8 cents per 1000 clicks, you can go to http://roboform.com and try to avoid all the other stuff they try to trap you into downloading. Roboform itself is quite legit and used by Millions of people. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Wobbly Sewing Machine: Another use for rubber shelf liner is to place a scrap piece under your sewing machine. This is handy and keeps my sewing machine from moving while I'm using it. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Sarah was reading a newspaper while her husband was engrossed in a game on TV. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. "Listen to this, there's a classified ad here where a guy is offering to swap his wife for a season tickets." "Hmmm," her husband said, not bothering to look away from the game. Sarah said teasingly, "Would you swap me for season tickets?" "Absolutely not," he said, "season's more than half over."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Safety is a major concern at the manufacturing company where I work. So I'm constantly preaching caution to the workers I supervise. "Does anyone know," I asked a few guys, "what the speed limit is in our parking lot?" The long silence that followed was interrupted when one of them piped up. "That depends. Do you mean coming in to work or leaving?"
» Bull Moose


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What to do when Windows Explorer causes problems? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 26

Ella, if you want to subscribe, you need a better address,
(reason: 550 5.1.1 : Recipient address rejected: aol.com)

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1687 Parthenon destroyed in war between Turks & Venetians
1777 British troops occupy Philadelphia during the American Revolution
1918 Meuse-Argonne offensive against Germany began during WW I
1950 Because of forest fire in BC, blue moon appears in England 
1950 UN troops in Korean War recaptured South Korean capital of Seoul 
1954 Typhoon strikes Kakodate Bay Japan, killing over 1,600
1960 Longest speech in UN history (4 hrs, 29 mins, by Fidel Castro) 
1962 Yemen Arab Republic proclaimed
1973 Concorde flies from Washington DC to Paris in 3h33m 
1980 Cuban govt closes Mariel Harbor ending "freedom flotilla" 
1984 Britain & China initial agreement return Hong Kong to China in 1997
1991 2 year experimental Biosphere 2 in Oracle Arizona begins
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The mind of a bigot is like the pupil of the eye. The more light you shine on it, the more it will contract. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. We are here on Earth to do good to others. What the others are here for, I don't know. --- W. H. Auden
A European cruise ship captain has to convince the passengers of his sinking ship to jump overboard and wade to the shore. He has to use a different approach with each European. He tells the English it would be unsporting of them not to jump. He tells the French it would be the smart thing to do. He tells the Germans that it is an order. And he tells the Italians that jumping overboard is forbidden.
Lola is on the phone, "Hello? Pizza Shack? Do you have anything on special?" From the other end of the line comes, "Yeah, our veggie haters delight. It has twelve kinds of meat and five different cheeses. Lola asks, "Does anything come with that?" "A coupon for WeightWatchers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Abby Elsner, 25, in Dayton, Ohio Motorist, 25, Busted After Cop Spots Her Shooting Heroin While Driving An Ohio woman was arrested Friday for DWI -- driving while injecting. A Dayton Police Department officer was driving Friday afternoon when he pulled up next to a vehicle being driven by 25-year-old Abby Elsner. As detailed in a police report, the cop noticed that Elsner-- who had her arms in the air--was sticking herself with a needle. While doing this, she was steering the 2003 Honda Civic with her knees. “I observed she was holding her right forearm in plain view where there was a hypodermic syringe needle sticking out of her arm,” reported Officer Mark Orick. “With her left hand, she was manipulating the needle into her forearm.” Upon realizing that Orick was watching her shoot up, Elsner allegedly removed the needle from her arm and tossed it towards her passenger, 36-year-old Shawn Abby (after pulling the car over, the cop spotted Abby stashing the needle in her waistband). When a subsequent search of the car turned up heroin and drug paraphernalia, Elsner and Abby were arrested for narcotics possession. Pictured in the above mug shot, Elsner is currently being held in the Montgomery County lockup in connection with the September 21 drive-by shooting.
Tech Support Pits: From: Christy Re: What to do when Windows Explorer malfunctions? Dear Webby Every now and then everything on my computer slows down. The little Memory and processor gauges show that everything is maxed out and in the red. Task manager shows that Windows Explorer is hogging way too much memory, even though I have NO Windoes Explorer window open. Closing Windows Explorer via the Task Manager is disastrous, it shuts down the desktop. Kinda schdooopid. The only way to get out of that is to lean on the power button until the machine shuts down. Without saving anything. Is there a better way to cope with that problem in W7 ? Thanks Christy Dear Christy About the only way around that old problem is to save everything, close every program and reboot at the first sign of that slow-down. Adding more RAM apparently does not help. Just shut down properly, after saving and closing everything, and reboot. By the way, try not to do a defrag or a virus scan while you are working, like you used to do with XP. W7 is not as sturdy and tends to go haywire, when you do that. Close all programs and then start a scan or defrag before you go to bed. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Box Building Blocks: When some of us were young we played with "brick' blocks that were made of cardboard. They were large, sturdy, and stack-able and took a lot of abuse. The boxes from juice pouches that are popular now, such as Capri-Sun are just the same size and about as strong. Stuff them with news paper, tape them tightly shut, cover them with what you choose. I have used cloth, brick patterned contact paper, tissue paper and glue - you name it! They are a great frugal replacement for the hard to find, expensive, real thing. By Margaret from Cullowhee NC Once the kids are older, they need smaller and more versatile blocks. Cut regular corrugated cardboard into 1" wide strips, preferably with a paper cutter. Cut the strips into 1", 2", 4", 8" and 16" pieces, but mostly the short sizes. When you got a big pile, make some glue with flour and water. Wheat is fine, but not whole wheat. That makes a lumpy glue. Glue the strips together to make 1" high bricks. There is no need to press them hard, just enough, so that if the cardboard got too wet it does not curl up. Flour glue is quite sticky and in this application just as strong as storebought white glue. Except for the 16" "ceiling beams", these bricks will usually last for one kid. If they are supposed to be a hand-me-down heirloom for a succession of kids, add some color pigment to clear spar or floor varnish and briefly dip the blocks into it. Thread some dental floss through a corrugation hole on each block, so that you can hang them up in the wind after dipping. Do the dipping outside, while wearing disposable gloves. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Jesse Jackson, while visiting a primary school class, found himself in the middle of a discussion related to words and their meanings. The teacher asks the Rev Jackson if he would like to lead the discussion on the word "tragedy." So the illustrious leader asks the class for an example of a "tragedy." One little boy stood up and offered: "If my best friend, who lives on a farm, is playing in the field and a runaway tractor comes along and knocks him dead, that would be a tragedy.? "No," says the Great Jesse Jackson, "that would be an accident." A little girl raised her hand: "If a school bus carrying 50 c hildren drove over a cliff, killing everyone inside, that would be a tragedy." "I'm afraid not," explains the exalted spiritual leader. "That's what we would call a great loss." The room goes silent. No other children volunteer. Rev. Jackson searches the room. "Isn't there someone here who can give me an example of a tragedy?" Finally at the back of the room raises a hand. In a quiet voice says: "If a plane carrying the Rev. Jackson were struck by lightning and blown to smithereens that would be a tragedy." "Fantastic!" exclaims Jackson, "That's right. And can you tell me why that would be a tragedy?" "Well," says the boy, "because it sure as heck wouldn't be a great loss, and it probably wouldn't be an accident either."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"What happened to you?" asked the bystander to the man lying on the sidewalk outside of the beauty parlor. The man shook his head groggily and rubbed his bruised chin. "Last thing I remember was my wife came out of the beauty salon. I took a look at her and said, 'Well, honey, at least you tried,' and then the lights went out . . . "
» Bullfrogs


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Does McAfee speed up a computer? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 25

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1493 Columbus sails on 2nd voyage to America
1639 1st printing press in America 
1861 Secretary of US Navy authorizes enlistment of slaves 
1890 Congress establishes Yosemite National Park (Calif) 
1926 Henry Ford announces the 8 hour, 5-day work week 
1956 1st transatlantic telephone cable goes into operation 
1973 3-man crew of Skylab II make safe splashdown in 
   Pacific after 59 days 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. --- Henry David Thoreau, Walden To avoid situations in which you might make mistakes may be the biggest mistake of all. --- Peter McWilliams The trouble with our times is that the future is not what it used to be. --- Paul Valery
While I was working in the men's section of a department store, a woman asked me to help her choose a white dress shirt for her husband. When I asked about his size, the woman looked stumped. I asked here how his size compared to mine. Her face brightened. She put her hands around my neck, as if she was going to strangle me, and then told me: "His neck is about an inch scrawnier than yours."
Wanda's dishwasher quit working so she called a repairman. Since she had to go to work the next day, she told the repairman, "I'll leave the key under the mat. Fix the dishwasher, leave the bill on the counter, and I'll mail you a check." "Oh, by the way don't worry about my bulldog. He won't bother you. But, whatever you do, do NOT, under ANY circumstances, talk to my parrot!" "I REPEAT, DO NOT TALK TO MY PARROT!" When the repairman arrived at Wanda's apartment the following day, he discovered the biggest, meanest looking bulldog he has ever seen. But, just as she had said, the dog just lay there on the carpet watching the repairman go about his work. The parrot, however, drove him nuts the whole time with his incessant yelling, cursing and name calling. Finally the repairman couldn't contain himself any longer and yelled, "Awww, shut up, you stupid bird!" To which the parrot replied, "Get him, Spike"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kelly Gibbs Jailed After Motorist Finds Toddler Wandering Naked In Street, Mom's House Filled With Empty Alcohol Bottles Kelly Gibbs, a 41-year-old Florida woman was jailed Saturday after her 3-year-old son was found was found wandering naked in the street, however she didn't realize that the child was even missing even though several hours had passed. According to New Port Richey police, officers were dispatched at around 12:30 p.m. after a motorist found a naked child walking in the street and called 911. Investigators say the motorist stayed with the child until help arrived. New Port Richey police officers, along with deputies with the Pasco County Sheriff's Office, canvased the surrounding neighborhoods in an attempt to locate the child's residence. Officers used a K-9 unit to track the boy's path back to an apartment complex where his mother resides. During the search, a resident at the apartment complex recognized the boy and told officers where they could find his mother. When officers arrived at Gibbs apartment, she was unaware that the child had gone missing. Officers noted that the residence was unkempt and full of empty alcoholic beverage bottles. When officers attempted to handcuff Gibbs, she pushed an officer away and resisted arrest. She was eventually taken into custody without further incident. Gibbs was booked into the Pasco County Jail and charged with child neglect and resisting arrest without violence. She was released two hours later after posting an $1,100 bond. Gibbs was previously arrested in May 2010 on a charge of domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Is McAfee for life? Hi Webby do I have to purchase McAfee every year or is it a one time purchase? I really need something to speed up my computer it is dragging really bad lately will this help to gain some speed back? Dear Ron McAfee is about $30 a year, if you use my link. McAfee at discount Two to three times more if you buy it by other methods. McAfee will get rid of all malware. That brings you to a level playing field without any burned out cars in the way. Then run CrapCleaner to reclaim RAM,that was used and not returned. Finally, after that, when you have probably regained half of the sped, that your machine had on Day 1, get SmartFix That will take c are of the registry and the defragging, and a few other things. W7 is slow enough as it is, and there is no point in handicapping it on top of that. Just consider McAfee and SmartFix as part of the cost of being online. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sponge Eyeshadow Applicator for Cleaning Keyboard: I have found the best item for cleaning around keys on the computer. A clean, sponge eyeshadow applicator. I always have extras of these (I use brushes instead). I like them because they hold up much better than Q tips, and they can get into the little crevices. I dampen mine a tad and boy it really gets the crud up! When you are done, you can almost roll the fuzzies off of the applicator and it can be reused. By Joynchocolate I don't use the eye shadow or the keyboard on laptops, and always use an external keyboard. To clean those, I first slam it upside down on the porch railing, and then vacuum it out. After that, I use a big, soft sponge dipped into soapy dish-water, and squeezed just enough, so that it does not drip on the floor on the way out to the porch, and rub the still upside down keyboard from underneath. Sponge, not foam rubber! Then I let it air-dry for five minutes. That is all they really need to be as clean as freshly washed dishes. If you don't have a sponge, use a soft, fuzzy face cloth. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Please send that Spell checker poem again Lorna Here it is SPELL CHECQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"
» Bulldogs


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What to do when IE stops working? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 24

Dianne's link today is to the Munich Octoberfest.
It always amazes me how the breweries in Munich can assemble
bigger mobs, that yell and chant the same phrases, than any
mid-east trouble-makers can.

It is definitely religious, a LOT of people religiously attend 
Octoberfest every year. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
673 Synod of Hertford opens; canons made for English Church
787 2nd Council of Nicaea (7th ecumenical council) opens in Asia Minor
1493 Columbus' 2nd expedition to the New World 
1683 Jews are expelled from all French possessions in America
1838 Anti-Corn-Law League forms to repeal English Corn Law
1852 A new invention, the dirigible, is demonstrated 
1950 "Operation Magic Carpet"-All Jews from Yemen move to Israel
1952 Underwater volcano explodes under research vessel Kaiyo-maru-5 
1958 1st welded aluminum girder highway bridge completed, Urbandale, Ia
1960 1st nuclear-powered aircraft carrier, launches (USS Enterprise) 
1963 Senate ratifies treaty with Britain & USSR limit nuclear testing 
1979 CompuServe system started 
1982 US, Italian & French peacekeeping troops begin arriving in Lebanon
1990 Supreme Soviet gives approval to switch to free market 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver." --- George Carlin
Jack's mother ran into the bedroom when she heard him scream and found his two-year old sister pulling his hair. She gently released the little girl's grip and said comfortingly to Jack, "There, there. She didn't mean it. She doesn't know that hurts." She was barely out of the room when the little girl screamed. Rushing back in, she asked, "What happened?" "She knows now," Jack replied.
While enjoying an early morning breakfast in a northern Arizona cafe, four elderly ranchers were discussing everything from cattle, horses, and weather to how things used to be in the "good old days." Eventually the conversation moved on to their spouses. One gentleman turned to the fellow on his right and asked, "Roy, aren't you and your bride celebrating your 50th wedding anniversary soon?" "Yup, we sure are," Roy replied. "Well, are you gonna do anything special to celebrate?" another man asked. The old gentleman pondered this for a moment, then replied, "Weall, for our 25th anniversary, I took the missus down to Tucson. For our 50th, I'm thinking about going down there again and maybe bring her back for a spell."
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Click on the picture for the large version Zaragoza, Aragon, Spain
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Pamela Smallis, 49, Moon TWP, PA Former Daycare Teacher - Charged With Child Pornography, Using Children To Sell Drugs Pamela Smallis, a 49-year-old Pennsylvania woman was jailed Sunday after police allegedly found child pornography on her cell phone. According to Moon Township police, Smallis was initially arrested on drug charges back in April after a lengthy investigation that involved Moon Township police and the state Attorney General's Office. During the operation, investigators seized Smallis' cell phone which was later found to contain 33 photographs and 2 videos showing naked children engaged in sexual activity. Investigators say Smallis can be heard directing the children as she video-taped them in various sexual acts. In one video, Smallis allegedly recorded two young girls and a young boy during a sexually explicit shower scene. Smallis, who previously operated a day care center, was booked into the Allegheny County Jail and charged with 16 counts of unlawful contact with a minor, five counts of sexual exploitation of children and five counts of child endangerment. Her bond has been set at $50,000. She will also face at least 15 drug charges stemming from an undercover operation in which she and her children allegedly sold drugs to undercover informants on five separate occasions between Nov. 14, 2011 and Dec. 16, 2011. A preliminary court hearing on the case has been set for September 25.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Lou Re: IE stops working Dear Webby My Internet Explorer keeps popping up saying "Your Internet Explorer has stopped working." I need this web site to send emails, read emails, play favorite games, etc...in fact for everything I do on my computer.Internet Explorer is my default site,which is to open everything. Any suggestions as to what I can do to get it up and running again? Thanks, Mary Lou Dear Mary Lou That is fairly common and the easiest remedy for that is to upgrade to FireFox. http://www.mozilla.org/en-US/ Millions of people have done that, and as far as i know, nobody has ever gone back to Internet Explorer. The alternative to that is to re-install windows and hope, that would fix Internet Explorer. Running a good Anti-Virus program like McAfee is always a good idea. It won't fix Internet Explorer, but it might prevent similar damage to other programs. By the way, you still get the big discount when you use this McAfee link. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Packaging for Covering Your Workbench: I save the large (25 and 50 pound) heavy craft paper bags that wild bird seed comes in. I cut along the top and bottom of the stitching and slit one side then fold and store them on my work bench. These make wonderful heavy disposable work surface covers to protect your workbench for your current project. I also use them when spray painting, stripping furniture etc as they catch all the overspray and drips. When your finished, you just fold them up and put them in the trash. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Thanks to Svend for this story: The young couple invited their elderly pastor for Sunday dinner. While they were in the kitchen preparing the meal, the minister asked their son what they were having. "Goat," the little boy replied. "Goat?" replied the startled man of the cloth, "Are you sure about that?" "Yep," said the youngster. "I heard Dad say to Mom, 'Today is just as good as any to have the old goat for dinner.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In my sociology class, we were instructed to write down answers to some questions the teacher was asking. "Next question," announced the instructor. "How would you like to be seen by the opposite sex?" I was thinking about my answer when the young woman next to me turned and asked, "How do you spell 'intellectual?'"
» Octoberfest, Munich Germany


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No question! 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 23

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1806 Lewis & Clark return to St Louis from the 
   Pacific Northwest 
1879 Baldwin steam motors tram 1st tried in Sydney Australia
1908 University of Alberta opens
1978 100,000 cheering Egyptians welcome Sadat home 
    from Camp David summit 
1979 200,000 attend anti-nuke rally in Battery Park, NYC
1990 Saddam says he will destroy Israel 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot, "Biographical Studies", 1863 When they discover the center of the universe, a lot of people will be disappointed to discover they are not it. --- Bernard Bailey
>From Faye One of my husband's duties as a novice drill instructor at Fort Jackson, S.C., was to escort new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Sergeant!"
Kathleen gets out of bed, throws on her robe and slippers, uncovers the parrot, pulls up the shades, opens the window, puts on the coffee, and sits down to read the paper. The phone rings. A man's voice says with anticipation. "Sweetie, I just flew in from London I'll be right over." She puts down the paper, turns off the coffee, closes the windows, pulls down the shades, covers the parrot, takes off her robe and slippers, and gets back into bed. The parrot says, "Dang! That was a short day."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Tanner Vicory, 31, in Gilbert, AZ Charged With Having Sex With Boyfriend's 15-Year-Old Brother While Boyfriend Was In Jail Tanner Vicory, a 31-year-old Arizona woman was jailed Firday after she allegedly had sex with her boyfriend's 15-year-old brother while her boyfriend was in prison. According to Gilbert police, an investigation was launched after the boy's mother examined a pre-paid cell phone that Vicory had purchased for him, and found text messages from Vicory expressing her love for the teen. The mother then found numerous messages on her son's Yahoo Instant Messenger account in which Vicory and the boy arranged to have sex together. After the mother and son moved to another state, the boy reportedly told police that he and Vicory and consensual sex on at least 10 occasions between November 2011 and April 2012. The alleged sexual relationship took place when Vicory's boyfriend (the 15-year-old boy's older brother) was in jail. Vicory was booked into jail and charged with 10 counts of sexual conduct with a minor.
Tech Support Pits: From: Re: No questions today .............. No Question, no answer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Packaging for Covering Your Workbench: I save the large (25 and 50 pound) heavy craft paper bags that wild bird seed comes in. I cut along the top and bottom of the stitching and slit one side then fold and store them on my work bench. These make wonderful heavy disposable work surface covers to protect your workbench for your current project. I also use them when spray painting, stripping furniture etc as they catch all the overspray and drips. When your finished, you just fold them up and put them in the trash. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

>From Joyce How Smart is Your Right Foot ? This is so funny that it will boggle your mind. And if you are anywhere near as stubborn as I am, you will keep trying at least a few more times to see if you can outsmart your foot, but you can't. 1. While sitting at your desk, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles. 2. Now, while doing this, draw the number "6" in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction. I told you so. And, there's nothing you can do about it! Go ahead KEEP TRYING ALL YOU WANT ! Have a great day! Now get back to work!!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
On a military training exercise, the British divisional command radio operators were getting very bored one quiet night, when breaking the silence a voice asked over the air, "Are there any friendly bears listening?" After a moment, another voice replied, "Yes, I'm a friendly bear," and then another voice, "I'm a friendly bear too!" At this point, the Officer at Headquarters grabbed his microphone and let loose a blistering tirade at the operators for fooling around on an radio link. When he had finished, there was silence for about ten seconds. Then a small voice said, "He's not a friendly bear, let's go to our secret channel." They all muted their mikes and went to sleep, while the officer went nuts trying to find what secret channel they were using.
» Sounds of Nature


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DSL Lighning protection 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 22

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1692 Last person hanged for witchcraft in US
1784 Russian trappers established a colony on Kodiak Island, AK 
1862 President Lincoln, says he will free slaves in all states on Jan 1 
1868 Race riots in New Orleans La 
1903 Italo Marchiony granted patent for the ice cream cone
1905 Race riot in Atlanta Georgia (10 blacks & 2 whites killed) 
1913 Coal mine explosion kills 263 at Dawson New Mexico
1949 USSR detonates its 1st atomic bomb
1973 Henry Kissinger, sworn in as America's 1st Jewish Secretary of State
1980 Iraqi troops seize part of Iran in a border dispute; war begins 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The desire to take medicine is perhaps the greatest feature which distinguishes man from animals. --- Sir William Osler, In H. Cushing, Life of Sir William Osler (1925) Although prepared for martyrdom, I preferred that it be postponed. --- Sir Winston Churchill Sometimes I worry about being a success in a mediocre world. --- Lily Tomlin Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy. --- H. L. Mencken
>From Frank My son had just turned 14 when I finally decided to talk to him about sex. To ensure private time, I brought him on a ski trip and began our talk on the chair lift so he couldn't escape. "Son, do you know about girls and babies?" I asked. He nodded but cut me off. The next ride up the ski lift, I brought it up again, only to have him look away in silence. On the third lift, already knowing I had waited too long, I bluntly asked, "Son, would you like to talk about sex?" "Gee, Dad," he responded, "is that all you ever think about?"
At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coastguard on the point and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge any more. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Thanks to all who sent in pictures! Endeavor's last Trip Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Maxine Romano, 23, in Springfield, Mass Jailed After Attacking Officer With Stiletto High Heel Springfield, Mass (The Weekly Vic Maxine Romano, a 23-year-old Connecticut woman was jailed Monday after she allegedly attacked a police officer with a high heel shoe. According to Springfield police, officers were called to the MVP Bar at the Sheraton Hotel around 10:30 on reports that a woman was intoxicated and acting in a belligerent manner. Employees at the bar told dispatchers that Romano was cursing loudly, making fun of other customers and refused to leave the bar when asked. When officers arrived, they offered to call Romano a cab so she could get home safely, but she told them that she would only get in the cab if they paid for it. She then began acting erratic, swearing and refusing to calm down. Investigators say Romano told officers that she owned a tanning salon and that she would "have their jobs" by morning. When she arrived at the police station, officers had to help her sit down because she was too drunk to stand up. That's when Romano allegedly lunged at an officer and stabbed him with the stiletto heal of her shoe. The officer received a cut to his leg as a result of the attack. Romano was booked into jail and charged with trespassing and assault and battery on a police officer. She denied the charges and was released on her own recognizances. She is scheduled to appear in court on September 25th.
Tech Support Pits: From: Glen Re: Lightning protection for DSL Dear Webby, We are moving to a hilltop and are going to be hit with lightning proabbly as often as the previous owner. I am isolating the power with an electric motor driven generator, so I am not worried about power, just data. What do you recommend to use for lightning protection for the phone and DSL line? Glen Dear Glen Panamax warrants Towermax units and modules for life. They also have a protected equipment warrranty, which means if you ever do take damage from a surge, Panamax will pay to repair or replace the equipment. http://snipurl.com/i2rh L-Com also has all kinds of DSL lightning protectors. However, I would also add active lightning strike prevention to the building. First, get perfect grounding through metal water and gas lines, plus ground rods. Then put lightning brushes or fans (bundles of sharpened metal rods) every two feet on your roof top. Connect them to ground. They ionize the air and repell and divert lightning. Next put up a tall ham radio tower or any similar metal tower six feet from the house and 50% higher than the house. Ground that to a separate ground rod system that is not directly connected to the house grounding system. If you set it up like that, even if lightning is headed for your house, it will zig-zag over to the tower and go harmlessly to ground. The tower, even if it is made from galvanized sheet metal, won't be harmed by a lightning strike. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Paper Packaging for Covering Your Workbench: I save the large (25 and 50 pound) heavy craft paper bags that wild bird seed comes in. I cut along the top and bottom of the stitching and slit one side then fold and store them on my work bench. These make wonderful heavy disposable work surface covers to protect your workbench for your current project. I also use them when spray painting, stripping furniture etc as they catch all the overspray and drips. When your finished, you just fold them up and put them in the trash. By MaryCrane from Orange Park, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

Concluding his exam, the doctor said to his patient, "Mr. Franklin, I find very little wrong with you. You are in surprisingly good health despite being quite overweight. My advice to you is this: If you want to stay healthy, give up those intimate little dinners for two unless you have someone to share them with."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I was in the hospital," Thelma writes, "and my husband was visiting. He was trying to stop smoking and was chewing on an unlit cigar when he got on the elevator. A lady said to him, "Sir, there's no smoking in here." My husband said, "I'm not smoking." "But you have a cigar in your mouth!" the lady said. "Lady," my husband answered, "I'm also wearing jockey shorts, but I'm not riding a horse, either. "
» USAF National Museum


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Printer spits paper onto the floor 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I read that "The Well" was sold to an investor group consisting 
of long time members.

The Well was the first wide open online community. I remember
when it was accessible only via direct dial, befroe the Internet.
With a 3.4 KHz modem that got expensive in a hurry! 
There were no graphics, of course, except file transfer,
but even fast reading and fast replying hit the phone bill
quite noticeably. 

I remember trying it briefly, and even though I thought it 
was pretty neat, I did not visit after I got the phone bill for 
that month.

In the meantime The Well is of course on the Internet.
You can visit it at http://well.com
just find a "conference" you are interested in, and chime in.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1348 Jews in Zurich Switzerland are accused of poisoning wells
1451 Cardinal Nicholas of Cusa orders Jews of Holland to wear a badge
1776 Great fire in NY
1780 Benedict Arnold gives British Major Andr maps to West Point
1792 1st French Republic declared 
1823 Moroni 1st appears to Joseph Smith
1895 1st US auto manufacturer opens-Duryea Motor Wagon Company
1897 NY Sun runs famous "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus," editorial 
1915 Stones at Stonehenge, England, sold at auction for 6,600 Pounds
1922 Pres Warren G Harding signs a joint resolution of approval to 
   establish a Jewish homeland in Palestine
1931 Britain goes off the gold standard 
1934 Typhoon strikes Honshu Island Japan, kills 4,000 
1949 Federal Republic of [West] Germany created under 3-power 
    occupation
1949 People's Republic of China proclaimed 
1953 Allied forces form West Germany
1958 1st airplane flight exceeding 1200 hours, lands, Dallas Tx 
1972 Marcos declares martial law in the Philippines 
1974 US Mariner 10 makes 2nd fly-by of Mercury 
1981 Belize gains independence from Britain
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I like everything about fall. For example, I like Oktober- fest. On my way to work my cab driver had pretzels in his turban." --- Dave Letterman "Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers." --- Dave Barry
A fairly attractive lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
The happy couple were at Town Hall, applying for their marriage license. After they filled out all the papers, the clerk said, "This license is good for 30 days." "No, you don't understand," replied the nervous bride-to-be. "We want one that's for a long time."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennifer Fletcher, 42, Massillon, Ohio Charged With Draining Son's Bank Account While He Serves In Afghanistan, Arrested In Stolen Car Jennifer Fletcher, a 42-year-old Ohio woman was arraigned Monday after she allegedly raided her son's bank account and cashed his tax refund checks while he was deployed to Afghanistan. According to police, Fletcher withdrew approximately $16,000 from her son's bank account between March 2010 and April 2011. Her son was deployed to Afghanistan at the time while serving in the U.S. Army. Fletcher also allegedly forged her son's name to cash checks including a tax refund check that she then deposited in her own account. Fletcher reportedly gained access to her son's tax and account information when she agreed to file his tax return while he was deployed overseas, police say. Investigators say Fletcher was arrested Sunday after an officer stopped her because the car she was driving had been reported stolen. Felony warrants had been issued for Fletcher's arrest in July after her son's wife reported the fraud and forgeries in May of this year. During a police interview, Fletcher reportedly admitted to depositing and using her son's money. "She used more than just the tax returns," said Lawrence Township Police Chief Mark Brink. "She used some of the money that was put into his account through the military." Fletcher was booked into jail and charged with two counts of felony theft, one count of identity fraud and one count of forgery. Fletcher is scheduled to make her next court appearance on September 24. Her bond has been set at $150,000.
>From Dianne THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME STATISTICS IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. 45% of women in the US are on medication for some kind of mental illness or malady! That's scary as hell, it means 55% are running around without medication! And voting!
Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: Printer spitting paper Dear Webby, My Brother printer keeps spitting paper onto the floor when it ejects the printed pages. Is there a way to stop that? Laura Dear Laura That's normal for many Brother printers. Just take a wire coat hanger, bend one end so that it forms a 5 inch wide rectangle. Stick the other end under the printer, with the nice rectangle end projecting four inches beyond the built in paper catcher. Bend it up slightly, and it will securely stop all the printed pages, as they come flying out. I have seen people put some plywood or shelving under the printer, sticking out six to eight inches on the output side, but the paper occasionlly still sails out over that. The bent up coat hangers seem to work the most reliably. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Magazine Pictures For Crafts: I love to make my own cards and gift bags and I love magazines (I get a ton). When I want to make card for a certain holiday, let say Halloween, I just pull out my latest magazine, (they always arrive a month ahead of time) and look for cute pictures of pumpkins, black cats and other Halloween related pictures. If I can't find what I want, I pull out an older issue of the same month. By Jennifer from Conyers, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!" I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was. "Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bill Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied.
» Rainbows of the fall


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How are sender addreses changed? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 20

The leaves have turned pretty colors. 
I guess summer is really over. It's still quite nice in 
the afternoon and early evening, but getting quite nippy
in the morning.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
622 Mohammad's Hegira (Flight from Mecca) The date is in 
   dispute, but they are pretty certain about the year.
1519 Magellan starts 1st successful circumnavigation of 
   the world 
1565 Spaniards capture Fort Caroline, Florida & 
   massacre the French
1664 Maryland enacts 1st anti-amaglmation law to 
  prevent widespread intermarriage of English women 
  & black men
1777 Paoli massacre
1850 Slave trade abolished in DC, but slavery 
   allowed to continue 
1859 Patent granted on the electric range
1884 6.2 mile Arlberg railroad tunnel completed in Austria 
1945 German rocket engineers begin work in US
1951 1st North Pole jet crossing 
1954 1st FORTRAN computer program run
1984 Suicide car bomb attacks US Embassy annex in Beirut 
1990 Both Germanys ratify reunification
1990 Saddam Hussein demands US networks 
   broadcast his message 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue." --- Scott Adams Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few. --- Pythagoras A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. --- William S. Burroughs
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
>From Chris I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, then you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Conners,33, Ft. Thomas, KY Jailed After Entire School Begins Talking About Sexual Relationship With Student Andrea Conners, a 33-year-old business education teacher at Highlands High School, has been indicted after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched last Wednesday after rumors began circulating around the school alleging that Conners had become engaged in a sexual relationship with a student. Conners abruptly resigned from the school after school administrators questioned her about the allegations. Investigators say Conners was engaged in a sexual relationship with the student between October 1, 2011 and November 30, 2011. Police have not released details of the student's age and gender. Connors, who has worked at the school for 8 years, has two children and is married to the principal of a Cincinnati area middle school. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree sex abuse. Her bond has been set at $5,000. Is this turning into an epidemic? Somebody could start a site, featuring 2 - 3 additional teachers every day, who have been jailed for picking gossipy students.
Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: How do they fake sending addresses Dear Webby-- I get stuff like this that I would like to reply too and tell them off. But look at the e-mail address-- How do they do that????? Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2012 21:39:43 -0500 > From: znrkkfnotsp68@wjzqtqjrvhk.com > To: robert_151@hotmail.com > Subject: ENLARGE Your MANHOOD 3-4 Inches PERMANENTLY If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself ! FRED. Dear Fred There is no more znrkkfnotsp68@wjzqtqjrvhk.com Somebody hung him by his family jewels from an overpass, at night, in the rain, low enough, so that every reefer truck gonged him. Well, that is what would have happened, if a spammer's sending address was real. Unfortunately, they aren't, unless they forge your address into the sender field. You can put whatever you want into the sender field. Emperor-Fred-VIII@stinebiser.org Two-Foot-Dinger-Fred@hoemail.com Harem-Master-Fred@whitehouse.gov Whatever you want. Since spammers never use the same sender address twice, except when they forge yours into the sender field, it is pointless to blacklist them or filter by the sender address. What you need to do is put MailWasher onto your Santa list, get it approved by your loving wife, and start having fun! That spam would never make it through MailWasher. You would never see it. You set MailWasher to nuke that kind of crap right on the server, without ever showing it in the list. Murdered in the dark, the way it is supposed to be done. You would see the pie slice named "Enlarge" getting fatter. That's all. And that is all you should really ever see about that kind of crap. You will probably also make a filter for certain fake watches, and one for fake UPS and FedEx notices. And so on. It gets to be a fun game to outwit the spammers. So, go for it! MailWasher is just under $30. Put it onto your Santa list, unless you have a birthday between now and Christmas. By the way, re taking care of yourself better, look at the Old School ad, that I found just for people like you, and put into the Humor Letter. Don't worry, it is not going to tell you to exercise or eat boring salads. Quite the opposite. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Color: I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue, red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc. Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is pink/yellow. The main reason for the color system was when the kids were done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know. These days, everything in our house comes in colors. By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went in to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten." The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. " The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world. The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." ADDITIONAL: But wait! There's more... The man actually had a heart attack, ten times MILDER than the one his wife had. Golfers!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster-oven." "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket just like this one."
» Preserves


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Are automatic updates a good idea? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 19

It is sad to see how so many Muslim clerics use the local
hostile feelings against America, that were caused or 
drastically increased by Obama, as a religious issue.
If you listen to them, a Muslim's first duty is to obey their
imam, and the second duty is to hate America. 

Listen to their chants: "God is great! Hate America!"

That is not going to get them anywhere, however, it does
remind me of Iran. The Shah was introducing democracy,
taking the power away from the clerics. 

They got rid of him the hard way, and the US did not back 
him up, or even take care of his heart problem in a US 
hospital. They shuffled him off to Egypt.

That showed to the third world clerics that they don't have
to accept democracy. They just have to bitch loudly enough
against America, and can grab the power, 
just like the clerics did in Iran.

And nobody in Washington can see that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1356 English defeat French at Battle of Poitiers
1890 Turkish frigate "Ertogrul" burns off of Japan, kills 540
1928 Mickey Mouse's screen debut 
1957 1st underground nuclear explosion
1959 Nikita Krushchev is denied access to Disneyland 
1981 Satellites China 10 & 11 launched into Earth orbit by B-1 rocket 
1985 9,500 die in Mexico's earthquake (6.9) 
1988 Israel launches 1st satellite, for secret military reconnaissance 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. --- Thomas Jefferson
A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $3.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it. The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a single dollar bill in change. As he did, the clerk said, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here." "No wonder," the gorilla replied, when you have to rip the staff's heads off to get correct change."
Groan Alert A young man was smitten by a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately she did, not return the feeling. In desperation he went and visited a group of witches searching for a love potion. They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate solution. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month. He returned to the witches six weeks later excited and thankful. He and the young lady were to wed in a month. The witch told him, . . . "Nothin says lovin' like something from a coven. And pills buried say it best."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Anthony Sturman, 59, in Faversham, Kent, England Klutzy Pedophile He got 8 month, suspended for 2 years. Any more messing up with printers or kids, and he goes to jail. And he needs a new carreer.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Unattended update Hi Dear Webby, I have a question for you. I have my computer set to update automatically. Do I have to leave it running all the time for that, or can I shut it down, when I go to bed? Thanks Jaye Dear Jaye If you want to get the updates automatically, right when they come out, then yes, you would have to leave your computer on, especially the second Tuesday of every month, when Microsoft comes out with the newest bug "fixes". They kill some of the old bugs and put fresh ones in there. I usually decline the Tuesday updates and wait for the reaction to them on the net. If everybody gets hysterical about the newest update, I'll skip it until the word is out, that the bugfix has gotten fixed. Usually they fix them within 3-4 days and by the weekend it is safe to update. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheet Air Freshener: Use a scented dryer sheet in your A/C intake to spread a nice scent all over the house. Just place one sheet on top of your filter. The air will pass through and distribute the scent through the duct work. By kraftykaren from Mobile, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother . 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do. AMEN
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Adam Dear Webby, once you had a list of definitions about common phrases that women use. Can you please print them again? Thanks Adam Yes, sure. Here they are: Definitions of words and terms for men so they might understand what women are really saying. We suggest that each woman make a copy for the man in her life. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'. GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." GO AHEAD At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".
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He can't send large files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 18


Anti-American protest in Afghanistan
None of them have seen the movie, most of them have not
seen ANY movie, but it sure is fashionable and fun to protest 
agaisnt the Americans.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1739 Treaty of Belgrade-Austria cedes Belgrade to Turks
1755 Fort Ticonderoga, NY opens 
1759 British capture Qubec during the French & Indian War 
1810 Chile declares independence from Spain
1830 A horse beats the 1st US made locomotive (near Baltimore) 
1914 Battle of Aisne: Germans beat French during WW I 
1915 Boston Braves trounce St Louis Cardinals 20-1 
1919 Hurricane tides 16 feet above normal drown 280 along Gulf Coast
1926 Hurricane hits Miami, kills 250 
1975 Heiress/bank robber Patty Campbell Hearst captured by FBI in SF
1982 Christian militia begin massacre of 600 Palestinians in Lebanon 
1990 A 500 lb 6' Hershey Kiss is displayed at 1 Times Square, NYC
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. --- Sidney J. Harris A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. --- George Iles Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son- in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shanice Lambert, 37, Childress, Texas Interstate child porno and sex by teacher's aide Shanice Lambert, a 37-year-old teacher's aide at Childress ISD, has been indicted on child porn charges after she allegedly drove a student across state lines, took sexually explicit photographs of him and enticed him to have sex with her. According to a federal grand jury indictment, Lambert recorded a student's sexual activity back in February and then sent the recording to different states. She also drove the student from Texas to Oklahoma on two occasions (Feb 11 and Feb 12) for the purpose of enticing him to have sex with her. Authorities have not released the student's age, however the indictment confirmed that the student is under the age of 18. An investigation was first launched in March of this year after school officials were informed that an inappropriate relationship had developed between Lambert and the student . School administrators conducted an initial investigation before turning the case over to Texas Rangers and Child Protective Services. Lambert was initially arrested in March and charged with sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between an educator and student. The school district initially placed Lambert on administrative leave, however administrators have since stated that Lambert no longer works for the district. According to the four-count indictment, Lambert now faces charges of production of child pornography, enticement of a minor and two counts of interstate transportation of a minor with the intent to engage in criminal sexual activity.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Can't send large files Dear Webby I am having a problem emailing a file over 20mb. I used both gmail and outlook express with the same results. The file is a talk @ 68mb. I download larger files all the time but cannot seem to send one . How can I get around the limitation? Thanks for all your help. RON P Dear Ron The limit is most likely your ISP. Normally files that size are not emailed on purpose, and those limits are in place to stop Gramma from emailing you her messed up Windows7 to fix it for her. When I have to send files that size I either upload them to a site and email a link, or I use Skype and just drag it into the chat window. Even though Microsoft spent 8 Billion dollars to buy Skype and make sure Google did not get it, it is still free. You get it from http://skype.com Just download and install it, and tell your recipient to do the same. Then you can transfer files of any size back and forth without any hassle. If both of you have decent connections, you can transfer files at about the same speed as to or from a USB drive. This is not something new. A lot of us have been doing that for a dozen years or more with Skype and with similar programs before Skype. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Use That Bucket of Soapy Water: After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/gargage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky Almost all soaps and detergents are fairly good fertilizers, some are excellent fertilizers. That is why weeds love the cracks in your driveway! As a general rule of thumb, if the soap or cleaner does not hurt your hands, the plants will love it. The same goes for any grey water (water from the sinks, tub, shower and washing machine. That is FERTILIZER, and already paid for! If you have a garden, sneak that into your rain barrel and use it for irrigation. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
ADULT : A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR : A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL : Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS : The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE : A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST : Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP : A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. INFLATION : Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO : An insect that makes you like flies better. SECRET : Something you tell to one person at a time. TOMORROW : One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN : An honest Opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES : Something other people have. You have character lines.
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Can forwarded email count towards a reward? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 17

Thank you, Ruby!

Now Egyptian clerics are demanding that the US enact laws
against anybody making fun of them and their religion.
Why?
Because Obama apologized,
and thereby put the US into a defensive retreat, 
forcing them to attack with escalated demands.
Obama, a Grand Master of the Entitlement Game, 
should have known to expect that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1394 Jews are expelled from France by order of King Charles VI
1630 City of Boston forms 
1787 US constitution adopted by Philadelphia convention 
1819 1st whaling ship arrives in Hawaii 
1934 1st 33 1/3 rpm recording released (Beethoven's 5th) 
1939 Soviet Union invades Poland during WW II 
1991 North & South Korea join the UN 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living. --- Doug Larson Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are. --- George Eliot
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked little about the family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" said, "I was just kidding, actually, we went to Ohio."
While standing in line at a hotel counter, I noticed that the guy ahead of me not only looked like a typical Scotsman, but was studying the posted room rates like he was preparing for a long and tedious haggling session. So I pulled out the print-out of my on-line reservation (at a better rate than he will ever get, no matter how long he haggles), and my VISA, and held them in a way, so that the lady behind the counter could see them, and shot her a mischievious smile. Quite predictably, she waved me to the side, took the reservation and the VISA, greeted me with my first name like an old friend, swiped the card through the slot on the keyboard, and handed it back with a room card. The whole transaction took maybe 4 - 5 seconds. While I was putting the papers away and gathered my stuff, I overheard her explaining to the Scotsman that he could have a room with a shower or one with a tub. "Wot's the difference?" he asked. "Well, Sir," she replied, "in a tub you can sit down."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Weber, 53, Miami Beach, Florida Jailed After Stealing Credit Card From Parked Car, Attempting To Buy Drinks From Bartender Who Owns Car David Weber, a 53-year-old Florida bonehead was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly stole a credit card from a parked car, went into a bar to buy a drink with the card, then discovered that card he stole belonged to the bartender who was serving drinks that night. According to Miami Beach police, Weber broke into a car parked inside a parking garage Monday night and stole a credit card out of it. He then went into a nearby bar and presented the card while ordering a drink. Investigators say the bartender working that night recognized the card as his and called police. During questioning, Weber claimed that he found the card on the ground and denied having anything to do with burglarizing the bartender's car. Weber was booked into the Miami-Dade County Jail and charged with credit card fraud and theft.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ilah Re: Is forwarded mail a hoax Dear Webby Is this another hoax? It's the same oldstory - Microsoft will track forwarded e-mails and send checks for huge amounts to senders etc. etc. etc. Faithful Webby Fan Ilah Dear Ilah Yes, same old hoax. Microsoft is neither interested in tracking emails nor in giving away money, and is not capable of tracking emails.. anyway. Just send the forwarders to http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Use That Bucket of Soapy Water: After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/gargage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky Almost all soaps and detergents are fairly good fertilizers, some are excellent fertilizers. That is why weeds love the cracks in your driveway! As a general rule of thumb, if the soap or cleaner does not hurt your hands, the plants will love it. The same goes for any grey water (water from the sinks, tub, shower and washing machine. That is FERTILIZER, and already paid for! If you have a garden, sneak that into your rain barrel and use it for irrigation. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
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How to filter mail that appears as if it was from me 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 16

Some of you will remember Dorothy and Leo, the wolf and bear
defenders from Alaska. When Leo retired from the Federal 
Forest Service, they moved to Montana. Montana is not doing 
any aerial hunting of grizzlies or wolves, so they had to adopt 
a different project: Monarch Butterflies.

It seems the annual Monarch migration is endangered and 
needs urgent help, and they are pitching in with all kinds of
rewards. Instead of standing between grizzlies and hunters,
they built a Monarch butterfly migration way-station.

Their newest page is on Kickstarter: Milkweed for Monarchs

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1795 British capture Capetown 
1810 Hidalgo begins Mexican revolt against Spain
1812 Great Fire of Moscow 
1857 Typesetting machine patent
1858 1st overland mail for California 
1908 General Motors founded by William C Durant
1947 John Cobb sets world auto speed record at 394.2 MPH 
1963 Malaysia formed from Malaya, Singapore, Br. N. Borneo & Sarawak 
1978 25,000 die in 7.7 earthquake in Iran
1982 Massacre of 1000+ Palestinian refugees at Chatila & Sabra begins
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes a US citizen 
1991 US trial of Panamanian leader Noriega begins
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. --- Blake Clark There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling
>From Ann One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" my daughter's husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" cried my daughter a short time later. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burned."
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replies, "a Divorce Attorney."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Adrian Dagnino, 29, in Carlsbad, NM Mexican National On Trial For Raping 9-Year-Old Girl, Bites Off Officer's Finger During Trial Adrian Dagnino, a 29-year-old New Mexico man on trial for raping a 9-year-old girl, made matters worse for himself when he allegedly bit off a transport officer's finger during the hearing. According the Eddy County Sheriff's Office, Dagnino's jury trial was in progress Friday when Dagnino became disruptive and the judge ordered that he be removed from the courtroom. Court deputies were preparing to remove Dagnino when he allegedly became combative and bit off a large part of an officer's finger. "Adrian apparently grabbed a hold of the transport officer's hand and bit off a portion of his small finger - up to the second knuckle," said Ernest Mendoza of the Eddy County Sheriff's Office. Investigators say Dagnino was eventually removed from the courtroom while the injured officer, 63-year-old Michael Sweeney, was transported to a local hospital. Court records indicate that Dagnino, a Mexican nationa, was jailed in 2010 after he allegedly raped a 9-year-old girl in Carlsbad. He was found guilty of criminal sexual contact with a minor when his trial resumed on Monday. Dagnino now faces a possible charge of aggravated battery and deportation back to Mexico after his sentencing.
Tech Support Pits: From: Carla Re: Mail appearing as if from me Dear Webby I get a lot of spam that looks as if it had been sent by me to me. Well, I am one of those silly dingbats, who sends memos to myself. Instead of filing stuff properly right away, I mail it to myself, and then put it into the appropriate mailbox, for example recipes or weight-loss. Apparently there are a lot of people doing that and all that spam seems to capitalize on that. Now, I can't really filter out ALL mail from me, because some of it is legitimate. I realize, the filters in Gmail are just single-shot and can't do anything as tricky as that, can MailWasher clean that? Thanks Carla Dear Carla Yes, sure. MaiWasher has been taking care of those sneaky spams for me for a dozen years, or more. I started using MailWasher, when it was just an experiment in beta test, and a voluntary donation got me a lifetime license. Well, it turned into a lifetime license for the original version, but even that has already all the capabilities, that I need. The trick is to preface the subject line in mails to yourself with some goofy symbol, that the spammers are not likely to use. For example use the ~ from the upper left coner of the keyboard: ~ RECIPE Chocolate-Cherry-Cheesecake Then in MailWasher you make a filter: CONTAINS in the FROM carla@yourdomain.com AND DOES NOT CONTAIN in the SUBJECT ~ What I got in CAPS is stuff you simply select from a pull-down. Then in the disposal area you tell it to dump those mails without notifying you and without showing them in the list. That's right, just murder them in the dark, on the server, without bothering you at all. You have to give the filter a short name. Well, you COULD give it a long one, but the reason for a short one is that it looks a lot tidier in the pie chart, that shows you how many spams each filter has killed. Outwitting the spammers turns into a fun sport with those filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you can't get linseed oil, or if it is too expensive in your area, WD40 works well too. Remember to re-wax the cleaned off area to protect the paint job! Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Ken's deer hunt 1:00am Alarm clock rings 2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed 2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up 3:00am Leave home for deep woods 3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun 3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight 4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent 4:30am Head out into woods 6:05am See eight (8) deer 6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger 6:07am "Click" 6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill 8:00am Head back to camp 9:00am Still looking for camp 10:00am Realize I don't know where the camp is -Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries 12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back 12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach 12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries 12:45pm Rescued!! 12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped 3:00pm Arrive back at camp 3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer 4:00pm Return to camp for bullets 4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again 5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you 6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp. 6:01pm Load Gun 6:02pm Fire gun 6:03pm One Dead Truck 6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer! 6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner 6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire 6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire 6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods 6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator 6:26pm Start walking 6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud 6:35pm Meet great big Bear! 6:35pm Take aim 6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions. 6:37pm Climb tree 9:00pm Bear departing, wrap gun around the tree 9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone 9:04pm Start climbing down the tree 9:05pm Fall out of tree -Midnight- Home at last -Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."
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How to make spam filters for Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 15

It's the season to rumble.
Not just in the Arab world.
I just heard that the European Soccer league had to
get tough on improper behavior again. This time, it was
the team from Vienna. They got fined a HUGE sum of money,
and thei next game, against Trondheim, will be an empty
seat game. NO spectators inside the stadium, just a few
TV teams. 

That is one way to stop that nonsense.
I wish there was a way to do the same in the Arab world.
Well, Canada has started to do the equivalent by pulling
the Canadian Embassy from Iran, and kicking the Iranian
diplomats out of Canada. 
We are not playing your stupid games, GIT!

Change of topic!
Some of you will remember Dorothy and Leo, the wolf and bear
defenders from Alaska. When Leo retired from the Federal 
Forest Service, they moved to Montana. Montana is not doing 
any aerial hunting of grizzlies or wolves, so they had to adopt 
a different project: Monarch Butterflies.

It seems the annual Monarch migration is endangered and 
needs urgent help, and they are pitching in with all kinds of
rewards.



Their newest page is on Kickstarter: Milkweed for Monarchs

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1620 Mayflower departs from Plymouth, England with 102 pilgrims 
1821 Costa Rica El Salvador Guatemala Honduras & Nicaragua 
   gain independence
1894 Japan defeats China in Battle of Ping Yang
1904 Wilbur Wright makes his 1st airplane flight 
1916 1st tank used in war, "Little Willies" at Battle of Flors, France 
1917 Russia proclaimed a republic by Alexander Kerensky 
1931 British naval force mutinies at Invergordon over pay
1935 Nuremburg Laws deprive German Jews of citizenship & 
   make the swastika the official symbol of Nazi Germany 
1938 British PM Chamberlain visits Hitler at Berchtesgarden 
1940 Tide turns in Battle of Britain in WW II, RAF beats Luftwaffe 
1961 Hurricane Carla strikes Texas with winds of 175 mph 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. --- John Quinton Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. --- Oscar Ameringer
Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard asked, "Mind if our new guard dog practices sniffing your truck? Tim obliged and the dog went to work. Almost immediately, it latched onto a scent and jumped into the truck bed sniffing furiously. Tim became nervous. There were no drugs or weapons. What could the dog be after? A few minutes later, the guard approached Tim. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "our dog ate your lunch."
A loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in memory of his wife. The church is now forming a Little Mothers Club. All women desiring to become Little Mothers are asked to meet with the pastor in his study after services. The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version Yes, sure, squirrels can levitate!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacy Walker, Another teacher Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 16-year-Old Student Stacy Walker, a 24-year-old math teacher and girls' soccer coach at Richland High School, was jailed Monday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to Richland Police, school officials launched an investigation after rumors began circulating that Walker had engaged in sexual acts with a student. The case was then handed over to Richland Police who learned that Walker allegedly engaged in an ongoing relationship with a 16-year-old student Investigators say Walker admitted to having a sexual relationship with the student beginning at the end of the school year and continuing through the summer. Investigators are now looking into additional allegations that were made involving other students. Walker was booked into jail and charged with one count of sexual battery by a person in a position of trust or authority. Her bail was set at $25,000. --------- Teacher / Student sex has been going on for thousands of years. Yapping about it on cell phones and email is the only part that is new, and that separates the boneheads from the Millions, who don't get caught.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: How to make filters in Gmail Good Morning, I love your newsletter it gives me a start to the day. I have a question about gmail. How do you check your filters? I made a filter for spam and need to make sure that it isn't killing some of my regular mail. Since I wasn't sure on how to create one I want to make sure that I did it right. Can you help me? Sincerely Brenda Dear Brenda take a typical spam, for example one about fake watches. Look in it for a phrase, that is not likely to occur in any legitimate email. Then click on settings, filters, make filter and step through that. It is not quite as intuitive as it could and should be, but you'll figure it out. In the process of making the filter, you can TEST it. If it shows the mails you want filtered out and nothing else, then you have a winner. However, if it shows way too much and also catches good stuff, then you have to pick a longer phrase, or a different one, until a test shows JUST the bad stuff. The Gmail filters are not as easy and nowhere near as versatile as the ones in Mailwasher, but they do work quite well in combination with Gmail's already pretty good spam filtering. After making new filters it is a good idea to look in the Spam folder now and then to see if maybe one of your filters is casting it's net a bit too wide. By the way, you CAN use Mailwasher to wash your Gmail. With it's filters you can get really precise, and also combine many different rules. You can use CONTAINS ..., but DOES NOT CONTAIN, OR CONTAINS, and so on, and even use all the Regular Expressions and get really mean. You can use real programmer stuff, but just click it together with your mouse. The only thing you actually type or paste is the phrase it has to look for. Making filters to outwit the spammers becomes a real strategy game. The reward is not just clean email, but looking at the colorful pie chart in MailWasher to see which of your filters nabbed the most. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags in Place When I buy trash bags that don't like to stay in place, I simply measure off a length of elastic, sew it together and fit it over the trash can. When the bag is put into the can we simply pull the elastic over the edges and this keeps it from moving. We never take the elastic off, (except to clean it) we simply push it down a little, lift out the bag, and replace it. By Gem from VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

>From Jeanne Recently, our 18-year-old daughter started hunting for her first real job. She spent an afternoon filling out applications, leaving them on the kitchen table to finish later. As I walked by, a section of the application on top jumped out at me. Under "Previous Employment" she wrote, "Baby sitting." In answer to "Reason for Leaving" she wrote, "Parents came home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young Navajo man excitedly calls his mother to say he's been in love awhile, she's the ideal girl, and he is going marry her. "Oh, that's wonderful. Hurry up and bring her over," his mother says with the excitement and impatience typical of mothers. "Not so soon," he laughs. "I want to see how well you know your son. I'm going to bring her over with two friends. You guess which one is her." The next day, he brings three beautiful Navajo women into his mother's house, sits them down on the couch, and they chat pleasantly for awhile. He then says, "Okay, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing! You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
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Desktop shortcut to web sites 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Twelve years ago yesterday Iraqi troops stormed the 
residence of the French Ambassador in Kuwait.
Iraq has since learned, the hard way, that Embassies
and Ambassadors are supposed to be protected islands
in whatever hostilities are going on. That is "Civilization 001".

They have been rebooted to the level of chaos, where people
are just starting to recognize Embassies and Ambassadors.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1716 1st lighthouse in US lit (Boston Harbor) 
1752 England & colonies adopt Gregorian calendar, 11 days disappear 
1812 Napoleon occupies Moscow 
1847 US troops under General Scott enter Mexico City
1872 Britain pays the US $15 M for damages during Civil War
1886 George K Anderson of Memphis, Tennessee patents typewriter ribbon
1930 Nazis gain 107 seats in German election
1938 Graf Zeppelin II, world's largest airship, makes maiden flight 
1973 Israel shoots down 13 Syrian MIG-21s 
1989 Calgary Flames become 1st NHL team to play in USSR, win 4-2 
2012 Peter Lougheed, former Alberta premier, called "father of modern Alberta"
died at age 82.  P.L. vetoed the Kyoto accord.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done. --- Socratex Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts. --- R. Stevens We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. --- Will Rogers
A hacker went up to a club pro and challenged him to 18 holes of golf for $100. There was one catch, though -- the hacker gets two Gotcha's. The club pro, with his attitude, said, "No problem. Whatever the heck Gotcha's are, I'll still kick your behind all over the course. After the round, the two walked into the clubhouse. Others were stunned to see the club pro pay the hacker $100. They asked the pro how it happened. He remarked, "Well, when I was teeing off on the first hole, right in the middle of my backswing, he reached between my legs, grabbed my balls and yelled, 'Gotcha!' And you have no idea what it is like playing 18 holes waiting for the second Gotcha..."
The Governor made room on his busy calendar to hear the plea of one Senora Rodriguez that her husband be released from the state penitentiary. "What was he sentenced for?" asked the Governor gently. "For stealing a bread truck," replied the offender's wife, nervously fingering her mantilla. "Is he a good husband?" "No," she replied frankly, blushing a bit. "He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he's unfaithful, and really not much good at all." "It sounds to me as though you're better off without him," said the Governor. "Why on earth do you want him out of jail?" "Well," she explained, "we're out of bread again."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version Don't worry, they are usually not after the ball. They are meat eaters.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Maisa Alvarez, 42. Lake Wales, Florida Jailed After Binding Son's Hands Together, Repeatedly Stabbing Him In Chest With Steak Knife Maisa Alvarez, a 42-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly tied her 7-year-old son's hands together and then stabbed him repeatedly in the chest and arms. According to Lake Wales police, officers were dispatched to the family's home after Alvarez called 911 and told dispatchers that her son had been stabbed. Emergency responders and police arrived at the scene to find the boy suffering from at least 10 stab wounds. The boy was airlifted to Arnold Palmer Hospital in Orlando where he was treated for non-life threatening injuries. Investigators say Alvarez bound the boy's hands together and then began stabbing him in the chest with a steak knife. The boy also received several stab wounds when he attempted to defend himself with his arms. Alvarez told detectives that she didn't realize she was stabbing her son until he attempted to defend himself. She was booked into the Polk County Jail and charged with first-degree attempted murder and aggravated child abuse.
Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Shortcuts to sites Dear Webby Is there anyway to put a short cut to a favorite internet site on my desktop? Tom Dear Tom There sure is, but it's a secret. You have to swear never to tell it to an officer or burocrat who outranks you. Millions of readers in the military and in companies, where they are not allowed email newsletters like the Humor Letter, depend on you to keep it secret. OK, here is the secret procedure: Go to that site, for example http://webby.com/humor Add it to the Favorites or Bookmarks, so that your browser saves the favicon, the little icon on the left of the address bar. Grab that favicon on the left side of the address bar and drag it to an empty space on your desktop. Hit F2 and rename the icon title to something related to work, like Taxtables. If the icon that shows up is too obvious, change the icon to a spreadsheet or word processor icon or something that looks like it might be work related. That is all there is to it! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, seven widows, two widowers, and three single men stepped to the front.
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your clothes. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-boyfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked. WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.
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How to civilize Explorer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 13

Thank you very much, Georgina!

It looks like the US is slowly starting to realize, why Gaddafi
was a so easily badmouthed villain. The same as with Saddam
in Iraq. Yes, by democratic and civilized standards, he was
a real asshole. He never would have fit into the Vatican.
Washington, maybe, but not the Vatican!

Gaddafi knew that the only way to make his barbarians behave
was to scare them just a bit more, than they were scaring him.

After the US and Britain and France and Italy spent Billions
testing all their new weapons and using up all the stale-dated
bombs to defeat Gaddafi's military and government and 
ultimately him too, there was no civilized force left to scare 
the barbarians.

I never liked Gaddafi, but I was always against armed outside
intervention. When the people are ready, they will accomplish
change without outside help. Forcing change on them before
they are ready, that just sets them back even further.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
122 Building begins on Hadrian's Wall 
1625 Rabbi Isiah Horowith & 15 other rabbis arrested in Jerusalem
1663 1st serious slave conspiracy in colonial America (Virginia) 
1759 Wolfe defeats Montcalm on Plains of Abraham; 
   Canada becomes English
1788 New York City becomes capital of the United States
1789 1st loan to US Govt (from NYC banks) 
1882 Britain invades Egypt
1906 1st airplane flight in Europe
1922 136.4øF (58ø C), El Aziziyah, Libya in shade
1942 German forces attack Stalingrad
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became president of China 
1961 Unmanned Mercury-Atlas 4 launched into Earth orbit 
1970 IBM announces System 370 computer 
1990 Iraqi troops storm the residence of French 
ambassador in Kuwait
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. --- Ogden Nash The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. --- Samuel McChord Crothers
Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips." Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. "If there is a dress here that will do all that, I'll buy a dozen!"
Thanks to Rabbi Dave for this timely information for his fans: On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors: For ordinary sins White Bread For erotic sins French Bread For particularly dark sins Pumpernickel For complex sins Multi-Grain For twisted sins Pretzels For tasteless sins Rice Cakes For sins of indecision Waffles For sins committed in haste Matzoh For sins of chutzpah Fresh Bread For substance abuse Stoned Wheat For use of heavy drugs Poppy Seed bread For petty larceny Stollen For committing auto theft Caraway bread For timidity/cowardice Milk Toast For ill-temperedness Sourdough For silliness, eccentricity Nut Bread For not giving full value Shortbread For jingoism, chauvinism Yankee Doodles For excessive irony Rye Bread For unnecessary chances Hero Bread For telling bad jokes/puns Corn Bread For war-mongering Kaiser Rolls For dressing immodestly Tarts For causing injury to others Tortes For lechery and promiscuity Hot Buns For promiscuity with gentiles Hot Cross Buns For racist attitudes Crackers For sophisticated racism Ritz Crackers For being holier than thou Bagels For abrasiveness Grits For dropping in without notice Popovers For over-eating Stuffing For impetuosity Quick Bread For indecent photography Cheesecake For raising your voice too often Challah For pride and egotism Puff Pastry For being overly smothering Angel Food Cake For laziness Any long loaf For trashing the environment Dumplings For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Taslich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore. ------------------- That explains the pallets with 50 pound bags of assorted breadcrumbs that I saw stacked in front of a Deli downtown!
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jadian Faye-Marie Hatfield, 23, Pensacola, FL Jailed After Beating Ex With His Own Prosthetic Leg Jadian Hatfield Facebook Jadian Faye-Marie Hatfield, a 23-year-old Pensacola previously convicted felon, was jailed after she allegedly beat a man with his own prosthetic leg, then pointed a shotgun at him. According to the Okalooska County Sheriff's Office, Hatfield and the victim, 25-year-old Brandon Fleming, have a 2-year-old son together and have been sharing custody since they broke up in February. On August 27th, she send Fleming a text stating that she was "tired of him" and she was going to put him "six feet under." Hatfield came to Fleming's residence around 11:00 p.m, claiming that she was there to get her son. When the victim refused to hand the child over, Hatfield grabbed the boy out the bedroom window and put him in the back seat of a vehicle. Investigators say Fleming attempted to retrieve the child but was confronted by two men with clubs, who had also traveled to the residence with Hatfield. During the struggle, Hatfield snuck up behind the victim, pulled off his prosthetic leg and began to beat him with it. She then pulled a 12-gauge shotgun out of the vehicle and threatened to kill him if he didn't let her leave with the child. Hatfield and the two men left with the child while Fleming called police. Hatfield was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, domestic violence battery, interfering with the custody of a minor, and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Uncomplicating Explorer Dear Webby It irks me every time when I open the Windows file Explorer that it starts focused on Desktop, My documents instead of c:\ Is there a way to fix that ? Mark Dear Mark I agree that it's a thilly nuisance to have to tippy-toe all the way up to the root first before you can start doing what you plan to do. Fortunately it's easy to fix the thilly rigmarole. Use the same trick, that I described yesterday. Open an Explorer, click on the little folder to the right of the empty bra. That will open the address bar. Type in C:\ and hit ENTER. That will get you to the root directory. Now drag that little folder onto the desktop, right-click it and select properties, change the icon for it to something recognizable. There are lots of icons in C:\Windows\System or System32 or System64. Look for a file called moreicons.dll There are lots of icons in there. Then from then on you just click on that icon and an Explorer opens focused on C:\ You can do the same for the other drives and for any folder, that you frequently go to. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
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>From Amy Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "Do you want ketchup on that?" The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river, but has to get past the preacher to get to the buffet table. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher, I schure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?"
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How to make a desktop shortcut to a folder 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 12

Thank you very much, Georgina!
Thank you Ivan! 

There has been a lot of specultion in the media about this
weekend's cyber terrorism. As usual, most of the media
pundits were totally clueless and just jumping to confusions.

No, it most definitely was not the White House back office, 
creating an excuse for another executive order bypassing
both houses, to clamp down on the Internet. Those people's
expertise does not extend beyond FaceBook's Farmville.
While you do have to expect certain shenanigans from there,
they won't be that sophisticated.

The attack actually came from the entitlement crowd, that 
believes God gave them the right to steal music and movies and
and sell it for profit.

Parsons, the owner of GoDaddy, started off as a minister, 
selling "Money Counts" accounting software in the 80's.
I quite liked it, but unfortunately, it could not cope with the GST
tax, and I had to drop it in 92. But he had made his Millions 
by then.

However, behind all the glamor and glitz of GoDaddy, there is 
still the minister, and he frowns upon the music and movie theft
industry, and supports SOPA, the law that tries to crimp 
wholesale piracy.

To the entitlement crowd that looks like he is messing with 
their god-given right and entitlement to steal and profit from 
selling stolen stuff. THAT is why they attacked GoDaddy
and GoDaddy resellers.

What is the result?
We tightened security to the point, where it is becoming a 
nuisance for clients. Others will either follow, or fall prey to 
attacks. Just like 9/11 changed the world, and not for a 
better place, this weekends cyber terrorism has in some
ways done the same for the Internet.

In the short term it will widen the gap between users and
providers, who have to become better educated and skilled.
In the long term, that will make things more expenive for 
the users.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
 490 -BC- Athenians defeat 2nd Persian invasion of Greece at Marathon
1649 Drogheda, Ireland falls to Puritan troops; inhabitants massacred 
1901 Arabs attack Gedara Palestine
1938 Adolph Hitler demands self-determination for Sudeten Germans in Czech
1959 Luna 2 launched by USSR; 1st spacecraft to impact on the Moon
1974 Coup overthrows Emperor Haile Selassie in Ethiopia
1980 Military coup in Turkey
1988 Gilbert, strongest hurricane ever (160 mph), devastates Jamaica
1990 US, England, France, USSR, East & West Germanys sign 
agreements allowing the 2 Germanys to merge 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. --- Henry J. Tillman
The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway." An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working; his attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail. He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address. He replied, "The sign told me, 'begins@7:30 P.M.'"
Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000." "$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Laurie Kelly, 43, in Mesa, AZ Teachers Aide - Jailed After Leaving 6-Year-Old Daughter At Park To Have Sex With Two Men Laurie Kelly, a 43-year-old teacher's aide at Whitman Elementary School and park hooker was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly left her 6-year-old daughter with two strangers for hours so she could have sex with two men. According to police, Kelly approached two strangers at Evergreen Park and offered to buy them beer if they would watch her 6-year-old daughter for a few hours. Kelly allegedly told the strangers that she was "off to make some money." Police later learned that Kelly left the child at the park to have sex with at least two men in exchange for money. Investigators say officers arrived on the scene to find Kelly sitting in a grassy area with a man. When questioned, Kelly admitted to leaving the child with strangers so that she could have sex with two men. She stated that she needed to "make some money" but knew she was putting her daughter in danger. Kelly went on to say that she had "a manic sexual rage inside her" which she couldn't control. Witnesses told police that several different people watched the child for more than four hours and that the little girl didn't have water - it was especially hot that day. Kelly was booked into jail and charged with suspicion of child abuse. She has also been placed on paid leave by the school while the investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits: From: Gerald Re: Shortcut to music folder Dear Webby, Is there a way to create a short cut and thus a desk top icon to a music file folder that does not give that option when I right click on it? Getting to my music files is a small nuisance going through explorer & nerding around till I find that folder. I have the klutzy Blonde Windows, that is about as welcome as the sad-ass earth color shirts at clothing stores or the faggy dough-boy designs at the car lots. Thank you!! Gerald Dear Gerald Open a File Explorer At the left top you see something that looks like an empty bra. That is where the Forward and Backward arrows appear, if you. as you put it so nicely, "nerd around" for a while. To the right of the empty bra you see a folder icon. Click on that, and an XP style address bar opens. You can type your destination in there, or simply C:\ and proceed from there, instead of having to waddle up to the root first. Once you have your music folder open, drag that little folder icon at the top onto an empty spot on the desktop. Don't drag the folder from inside the Explorer window. That gets unpredictable and you might wind up with the actual folder on the desktop. So just drag that icon from the top to the desktop. Next right-click it and go into properties. There you can assign a nice, colorful icon to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster: To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Becky had to grab a cab to get to a meeting uptown. She hailed one down, got in and told the cabbie the address to go to. The cabbie turned out to be a lunatic driver and Becky sat in the backseat clutching the door handle wondering if she could expect to survive this trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded NYC streets, weaving in and out of traffic. Becky watched as one pedestrian after another leapt aside to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. Becky looked ahead and saw a truck double parked on the narrow street. Not only did the driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver," Becky screamed, "Are you crazy?? Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax lady," he said. "Just do what I do. Close your eyes."
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man owned a small farm in Iowa. The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years, the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week to keep him going," replied the farmer. "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," said the agent. The farmer said, "That would be me."
» Creative Calories


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More Tab History 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 11, 9/11
What were you doing 11 years ago, when you got THE NEWS? 

I prefaced this newsletter for about half a year after that 
with a count of how many days since the world changed.
And it sure did change, and not just for travelers!

Bush's concept of bringing the puck in front of THEIR net
and keeping the enemy busy in THEIR yard, put a stop to
any further attacks, especially after trashing all their 
caves. One has to wonder what will happen when the enemy
realizes that the soldiers, who are now ordered to show
"Courageous Restraint" are strategically handicapped now.

Personally, I would feel safer, if the soldiers were yelling:
"Remember the Alamo! Remember 9-11 !" and made the enemy 
cower in fear and give up any notion of fighting civilization.

How do YOU feel about it?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1609 Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan island 
1709 English, Dutch & Austrians defeat French in Battle of Malplaquet 
1777 Battle of Brandywine, Pa; Americans lose to British 
1814 Battle of Lake Champlain, NY; Americans defeat British 
1853 1st electric telegraph in use, Merchant's Exchange to Pt Lobos
1881 Triple landslides bury Elm Switz
1910 1st commercially successful electric bus line opens (Hollywood) 
1919 US marines invade Honduras
1922 British mandate of Palestine begins 
1930 Stomboli volcano (Sicily) throws 2-ton basaltic rocks 2 miles
1936 FDR dedicates Boulder Dam, now known as Hoover Dam 
1941 FDR orders any Axis ship found in American waters be shot on sight 
1946 1st mobile long-distance car-to-car telephone conversation 
1950 1st typesetting machine to dispense with metal type exhibited 
1952 West German Chancellor Adenauer signs a reparation pact for Jews 
1973 Chile's President, Salvador Allende, deposed in a military coup
2001 The worst terrorist attack on American soil - 2819+ die as a result 
of hijacked airplane attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and 
a field in Western Pennsylvania 
Remember the Alamo! Remember 9-11 !

2012 GoDaddy and it's resellers were attacked by Cyber Terrorists and
Millions of sites were down or affected. 

2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The attack on the servers, that I mentioned yesterday, was very well prepared long in advance and very well coordinated. I realized, that something nefarious was going on when Gloria on Pender Island, BC, told me about her email not working. A check showed a weird load on that server. Luckily my Ukrainian partners Natalie and Victor were able to jump on it immediately, shut down some services and battled the attack. Unlike GoDaddy, we kept all of our machines up and running, even though some of them at reduced service for a while. This attack proved the concept, that Linux machines are safer from trojans and attacks than Windows machine, is a myth. However, they are easier to defend and to repair. We did the equivalent of dumping and re-installing Windows, but without shutting down. Contrary to what the herd of clueless media pundits claim, it was not a distributed Denial Of Service attack, but a well prepared inside-out attack. Key parts of the Linux OS on a huge number of servers had been modified with "EggDrop" style trojans well in advance and activated on the weekend. What made it more difficult was that there were more than one "EggDrop", and successfully getting rid of one just activated an other one. We did succeed, though, and stayed up, and GoDaddy is up again too. Apparently we were targeted, because we are a GoDaddy Reseller, selling domain registrations for less than GoDaddy themselves. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the sheetrock is screwed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad on our bulletin board." he suggested.
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what the student was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was intended, he asked the student to first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. Puzzled, the student followed after him to ask the purpose of this action. "It will give me time to run away," said the professor.
No ad here on 9/11

Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver, for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version That's him by those urns, that he carved. A fifth one in the back is not finished yet.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kymberely Frederick, 30, and Daniel Richards, 34 in Casselberry, FL Couple Spends Honeymoon In Jail After Leaving Baby And Two Toddlers Alone At Home During Wedding Kymberely Frederick, 30, and Daniel Richards, 34, spent their honeymoon in jail Tuesday after they allegedly left three young children alone at home while they went to the courthouse to get married. According to police, an investigation was launched Tuesday afternoon when a neighbor called 911 to report that three children (ages 1, 2, and 3) had been left alone without adult supervision. Investigators say officers arrived at the couple's residence to find three children had been left alone. Two children were found in cribs, while a third child was found in her bed. Frederick and Richards told police that they left home at around 2:30 p.m., borrowed a neighbor's car and went to the Seminole County Courthouse to get married. They reportedly called a neighbor while en route to the courthouse and asked her to watch the kids while they were gone. That neighbor, instead of watching the kids, immediately called police instead. Frederick and Richards were booked into the Seminole County Jail and charged with felony child neglect. Richards remains in jail, however, Frederick was released after posting bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Tab History Tool Hi Webby Another Tab history tool I use is "Session Manager" Cheers Frank Dear Frank I have heard about Session Manager, but have not tried it myself. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Garden Holder for Your Cell Phone Stay in touch while gardening by making a holster for a cordless phone out of an old shoe. Nail an old shoe to a stake and place it in the garden to hold the phone. Now there's no more running back into the house to grab the phone, and the phone stays out of the dirt. Source: Typical Mary Ellen By Mom of 1 from Wilkesboro, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
No ad here on 9/11

Billy Joe came visitin' up north, and decided he wanted to do something he could never do in the south... SNOW SKIING. Unfortunately, before he ever made it UP the hill so he could try and come DOWN the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they said they were refusing to cover the injury. "WHAT?!" yelled Billy Joe into the phone. "And why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?" "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That proves you are an idiot... and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition."
Bob walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," Bob replied. "Is that the same thing?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Grace: Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
» Creative Calories


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Pasting a URL to a browser 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 10

Two of our servers are under attack, and we shut down most
services to protect the data, and make it easier to fight off 
the attack. Once everything is back to normal, the pictures
will show up again. Oh, and the newsletters will be delayed
until then as well.

Sunday afternoon Dianne, the lady, who sends me the Bonus 
Links, skyped me and told me to go for my walk early, because 
a wicked storm was forecast.

Yeah, yeah, I know.
When I did leave, the cute neighbor lady was tying stuff down 
in her garden and told me that I was going to get soaked 
before I got back.

I hiked to the store below the post office and bought some
potatoes, nothing else, and headed back.
Half way back the sky turned black, and the wind picked up.
Nice tail wind pushing me along! This was fun!
I grinned when I saw branches, leaves and what looked like 
tumbleweeds racing up the street and passing cars.

Then, with a lot of hooting and hollering and screeching a
bunch of teens on bicycles raced up the hill, sitting tall,
hands-free, holding their jackets open and flying up the
hill three times faster than they had ever pedalled down it.
Dang! I should have used my bicycle!

Well, I got home in record time and was within sight of
my house when the first big drops hit. Horizontally.
The last block was against the wind, so I cinched down the 
chinstrap on my hat, leaned into the wind and cranked up
my speed. 

The drops were sparse enough and the wind strong enough,
that they dried as fast as they hit. My shirt was a little bit damp
on the shoulders, but by no means wet, when I got into the 
shelter of the house and stopped to watch the storm.

Dianne later skyped me that the top speed of that storm 
was measured at 110 km/h. (about 70 mph)
It sure cleaned the leaves left by the hail storm a couple 
of weeks ago and blew them down to the prairies.
Nobody around here had raked them up. We knew that
sooner or later some wind would get them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1349 Jews who survived a massacre in Constance Germany 
   are burned to death 
1798 British Hondurus beats Spain in battle of St George 
1813 Comm Oliver H Perry defeats the British in the Battle of Lake Erie 
1846 Elias Howe patents the sewing machine 
1869 Baptist minister invents the rickshaw in Yokohama, Japan
1910 Great Idaho Fire destroys 3 million acres of timber 
1913 Lincoln Highway opens as 1st paved coast-to-coast highway 
1939 Canada declares war on Germany 
1953 Swanson sells its 1st "TV dinner" 
1984 Sean O'Keefe (11) is youngest to cycle across US (24 days) 
1990 Iran agrees to resume diplomatic ties with Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. --- Will Rogers Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. --- John Quinton Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. --- Oscar Ameringer There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. --- Indira Gandhi
Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace. Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, the young daughter said unhappily, "Mom, do you realize how much some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?" The woman shot her an angry look, "How dare you talk about your father like that!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version Largest QR is the corn maze in Lacombe, Alberta 28,800 square metres (310,000 square feet) The second-biggest one is in Belgium and measures a mere 1315.23 square metres (14,156.96 square feet), less than 1/20 of the one in Lacombe, Alberta. I had a chuckle when I looked at their site: Cheap ladies in Lacombe, Alberta: http://www.kraayfamilyfarm.com/ Latest News at Kraay Family Farm Wednesday, September 12 is LADIES' NIGHT at the farm - All Ladies are half price between 4pm and 8pm!! It probably would not be safe to inquire about the prices the Ladies of the (Wendnesday) Evenings charge.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Gerome Robinson, 18, in Lake City, Florida To Police "The Devil Tried To Rape Her In My Body" Gerome Robinson, an 18-year-old Florida man accused of attempting to rape a 13-year-old girl, told police "the devil tried to rape her in my body." According to Lake City Police, a 13-year-old girl was walking to her grandmother's house when Robinson approached her and asked if she wanted to "hang out." When the girl told Robinson "No," Robinson responded by pushing the girl into his backyard, stripping naked and then attempting to undress the victim. At some point in the struggle the girl broke free and ran. Robinson tried to chase the girl but was stopped in his tracks by his mother. He was hauled back inside until police arrived a short time later. During a police interview, Robinson stated that "the devil tried to rape (the girl) in my body." Robinson was apprehended and booked into jail and charged with battery and lewd or lascivious battery. His bond has been set at $55,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bali Re: How to paste a URL Dear Webby, How do you paste URL's in your browser? I am totally un advised. Thanks Bali Dear Bali Highlight the URL, for example http://webby.com/humor Hit CTRL C to copy it click in the browser address bar to highlight the URL that is still in there or delete the old URL then ht CTRL V to paste the new URL there. Then hit ENTER to go to the new URL. The CTRL C CTRL V trick will work with everything. You can copy / paste stuff from or into emails, documents, spreadsheets, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. By Roxy from St. Louis, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

>From Sandie After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?"
Long ago, there lived an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado. He showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
» Bunch of boots


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Choppers Rules......... 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet…Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.





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Back again, just barely, but back again! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 8

Thank you, Admiral Jim!

The injections into my eyes on Tuesday backfired 
catastrophically. I can just barely read a bit again with a
magnifying glass, and luckily I can typo reasonably well by
touch and feel.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1380 Russians defeat Tatars at Kulikovo, beginning decline of Tatars 
1522 Spanish navigator Juan de Elcano returns to Spain, completes 
  1st circumnavigation of globe, expedition begins under Magellan 
1565 1st permanent settlement in US forms (St Augustine, Florida) 
1565 Turkish siege of Malta broken by Maltese & Knights of St John
1664 Dutch surrender New Amsterdam (NY) to 300 English soldiers 
1863 47 Texas volunteers repel Federal invasion force at 
   Sabine Pass, TX 
1900 6,000 killed when a hurricane & tidal wave destroys Galveston,
    Texas, most deadly in US history 
1920 US Air Mail service begins (NYC to SF)
1930 1st appearance of the comic strip "Blondie" 
1943 Italy surrenders to the allies in WW II 
1944 1st V-2 rocket lands in Britain
1945 US invades Japanese-held Korea 
1952 Ernest Hemingway's "Old Man & the Sea" published 
---
That was the first English book I read, an abbreviated school 
version. That prompted me to order all of Hemingway's books,
full versions, one after the other. 
---
1966 "Star Trek" premiers on NBC-TV 
1967 Surveyor 5 launched; makes soft landing on Moon Sept 10 
1974 Pres Gerald Ford pardons former Pres R Nixon of 
   all federal crimes 
1990 Ellis Island Historical Site opens on Eliis Island, NYC 
2012  smiled

Tomorrow is National Grandparents' Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
>From Frank I was eating lunch with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said: "It's President's Day!" She is a smart kid. I asked "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc. She replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have one more year of BullShit!" You know, It hurts when hot coffee squirts out your nose!
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Solvey Hut, half way up the Matterhorn, in Switzerland
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica DePalo, 33, in West Orange, N.J. Teacher Of The Year Award Winner - Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Erica DePalo, a 33-year-old teacher at West Orange High School and the 2011 Essex County Teacher of the Year, has been charged with having sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, DePalo began a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student on June 15 and continued the relationship until August 28. The alleged victim is a student who attended DePalo's honors English class, according to reports. DePalo, who was named the 2011 Essex County "Teacher of the Year," has been suspended "immediately and indefinitely," according to school administrators. DePalo was booked into jail and charged with first-degree aggravated sexual assault, second-degree sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child. Her bail has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Back of Drawers When Moving If you plan to refinish or move a dresser, chest, or any furniture with more than a couple of drawers; an easy way to remember where each drawer goes is mark on the back of the drawer with a marker pen with "A", "B", "C", "D" or "1", "2", "3", "4". On the inside, after removing the drawer write the corresponding letter or number in the o pening. This will not show on the outside and will come in handy the next time you have to move the furniture. Some d rawers appear to be the same size until you try to replace them and they don't seem to fit. My son came up with this idea when we moved some dressers that had 2 sizes of drawers. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms or lack there-of of Pamela Anderson. "I say she's highly over-rated," said one. "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs, that figure, and what have ya got?" "My wife" said the other.
A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store."
» Seashells by the Sea Shore


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Laws of Applied Terror 

First Law of Applied Terror:
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.

Second Law of Applied Terror:
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Third Law of Applied Terror:
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Sixth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Seventh Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.





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Deja Vu All Over Again 







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Extended characters like © 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 4

The mails re my explosive diarrhea were quite, ahem, interesting.
Roland mentioned "we have diarrhea. as well and figure it 
must be stomach flue"
Hope he and Ruth feel better soon!

O'Sure claimed it was because I only looked at facts and not
popular opinion about Gullible Warming.

Manin suggested boiling the starch out of rice and drinking
the starchy water, A few suggested to restart the intestinal 
fauna with yoghurt and sauerkraut.

Some suggested it was a bout of lactose intoelrance, and one
even ventured to state that it was lactose intolerance caused
by bad karma acquired because of my life-long attraction to
boobs.

Well, I treated it like food poisoning, and after 16 hours 
of not eating or drinking anything, it was gone. 
Good Riddance!
I have been told once, this always happens before you die,
never afterwards. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
476 Romulus Augustulus, last Roman emperor in west, is deposed 
1609 Navigator Henry Hudson discovers island of Manhattan 
1618 "Rodi" avalanche destroys Plurs Switzerland, 1,500 killed 
1864 Bread riots in Mobile, Alabama 
1870 3rd French republic proclaimed as they overthrow their king
1888 George Eastman patents 1st roll-film camera & registers "Kodak" 
1918 US troops land in Archangel, Russia, stay 10 months 
1948 Queen Wilhelmina of Netherlands abdicates 
1957 Ford Motor Co introduces the Edsel 
1988 Mike Tyson crashes a silver BMW into a tree near Catskills NY 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- Adolf Hitler The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. --- Walter Bagehot
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" the caller inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said " Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joyce Coffey, 53, in Epping, New Hampshire Jailed 4 Times In 26 Hours For Repeatedly Blasting Stereo, Throwing Frying Pan At Nephew Joyce Coffey, a 53-year-old Effing woman was jailed 4 times in 26 hours after she allegedly refused to turn down her music, and assaulted her nephew with a frying pan. According to Epping police, officers responded to a noise complaint at Coffey's residence on Tuesday around 3:00 p.m. Officers gave Coffey a verbal warning and left the scene. About an hour later, police received another noise complaint after Coffey allegedly blasted "Highway To Hell" by ACDC through her stereo. When officers arrived at her house a second time, she refused to turn down her music and was apprehended on charges of disorderly conduct. She was released after posting $500 personal recognizance bail. Despite the arrest, officers were called to Coffey's residence again around 9:20 p.m. on a third noise complaint regarding the loud music. She was arrested again, and this time was released after posting $1,000 bail. She was instructed not to turn on her radio at all until 10:00 a.m. the next morning, and she agreed that she would try to keep the peace. Despite the agreement, police received yet another noise complaint about Coffey around 1:10 a.m. When an officer drove by the residence, he could hear ACDC's "Highway to Hell" playing very loudly. Coffey was arrested for a third time, and was released again after posting $10,000 bail. Officers hoped they would not see her again anytime soon, but they were called to her residence again, this time on a domestic disturbance complaint. When officers arrived on the scene, her 49-year-old nephew stated that she threw a frying pan at him while he was picking up some belongings from her home. Coffey was booked into jail for a fourth time on charges of simple assault and breach of bail conditions. She is currently being held in lieu of a $10,000 cash bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. Also, I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

>From Chris Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes. The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc., etc. Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."
Three weeks after her wedding day, Maureen called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bob: One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
» Summer Fruits


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URL for sex offender locations 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 3
Happy Labor Day!

So far it has not been a happy Labor Day for me. Something
caused me to get screaming burn-out explosive diarhea. Yeah
I know, you have had that occasionally too, and I have had it
probably about once a year before, but it is still a major 
nuisance. And I have no clue yet what may have caused it. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1189 England's King Richard I (the Lion-Hearted) crowned in Westminster
1752 This day never happened nor the next 10 as England 
adopts Gregorian Calendar. People riot thinking the govt stole 
11 days of their lives 
1783 Treaty of Paris signed (ending the US Revolutionary War) 
1852 Anti Jewish riots break out in Stockholm
1891 Cottonpickers organize union & stage strike in Texas 
1916 Allies turned back Germans in WW I's Battle of Verdun
1925 Dirigible "Shenandoah" crashed near Caldwell Ohio, 13 die 
1935 1st automobile to exceed 300 mph, Sir Malcolm Campbell (301.337 mph) 
1939 Britain declares war on Germany. France follows 6 hours 
later quickly joined by Australia, New Zealand, South Africa & Canada 
1940 1st showing of high definition color TV
1940 US gives Britain 50 destroyers in exchange for Newfoundland base lease
1943 Allies invade Italy 
1945 Japanese forces in the Philippines surrender to Allies
1967 Sweden begins driving on right-hand side of road 
1976 Viking 2 soft lands on Mars (Utopia), returns photos
1979 Hurricane David, a strong Atlantic storm kills over 1,000 

2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook. --- Les Giblin
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. That's why the stuff is in that bushel box. And we'd like to see just how you get all of it into that purse!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latina Carr, 39, in Gilbert, Arizona Chased Boyfriend Into Bathroom With Pair Of Knives, Dared Him To "Come Out Swinging" Latina Carr, a 39-year-old Arizona woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the back after she saw a phone call from another woman on his cell phone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence just before 6 a.m. Sunday after receiving a call from Carr's boyfriend who stated that he had been stabbed in the back and had taken refuge in the bathroom. Police arrived on the scene and took Carr into custody without incident. Investigators say the couple got into an argument when Carr noticed a call on her boyfriend's cell phone that appeared to be from another woman. When Carr demanded that he call the woman back, and he refused, the two scuffled over control of the phone. That's when Carr went to the kitchen and returned with a pair of steak knives. Police say Carr stabbed the man in the back as he fled into a bathroom and locked the door behind him. Carr allegedly began stabbing the door while screaming that the boyfriend had "better come out swinging." The man decided he was better off waiting it out until police arrived. Carr was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, criminal damage and assault/domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: URL for Sex Offender Locations Dear Webby, I love your newsletter. Now that I have gmail it comes every day thank you for the referral. I have a quick question years ago you ran a spot where you could check out sexual offenders for your state. Do you still have this site? Brenda Dear Brenda Yes, I remember that link. I removed it because a lot of people complained about it. Try this link: Sex Offender Location Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of. A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his photograph, and signed, after her name, "(Horseface)." Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture autographed, "To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens." Some time later his secretary asked him, "Did you get that letter from the woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which one she was."
A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $15,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150. The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $15,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150. The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jimmy was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When the teacher's eyes fell on Jimmy, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his behind. "James, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Jimmy replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Jimmy to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
» Montreal


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Victoria Jackson: "There's A Communist Living in the White House!!" 







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From 1960: How hot is it?  

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!




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Can you modify the Back-Up bat ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 2

Thank you Joseph!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
490 -BC- Phidippides runs 1st marathon, seeking aid from Sparta vs Persia 
31 -BC- Battle of Actium; Octavian defeats Antony, becomes Emp Augustus 
1666 Great Fire of London starts; destroys St Paul's Church 
1806 A side of Rossberg Peak collapses into Goldau Valley Switz, kills 500 
1901 VP Theodore Roosevelt advises, "Speak softly & carry a big stick" 
1930 1st non-stop airplane flight from Europe to US (37 hrs)
1935 A hurricane slams the Florida Keys killing 423
1936 1st transatlantic round-trip air flight 
1944 During WW II, George Bush ejects from a burning plane 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declares Vietnam independence from France
1945 V-J Day; formal surrender of Japan aboard USS Missouri
1949 Fire in riverfront area kills 1,700 (Chungking China)
1978 John McClain performs 180 outside loops in an airplane over Houston 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things. -- Norman Douglas If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. --- Kin Hubbard
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't you put it in the offering plate?" And the boy answered, "Because my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevaun Brooks, 29, Mount Clemens, Mich. Jailed After Having Sex With Girlfriends 11-Year-Old Daughter, Impregnating Her Trevaun Brooks, a 29-year-old Michigan man pleaded guilty Tuesday after he sexually assaulted his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter who became pregnant as a result. Prosecutors say Brooks was scheduled to go on trial Tuesday when he waved trial proceedings and entered a guilty plea instead. Brooks was convicted on one count of first-degree criminal conduct and two counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct. Investigators say Brooks had sexual intercourse with his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter last year when lived with the girl and her mother at their Mount Clemens home. The girl became pregnant and delivered a baby in August.
Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta Re: Modify back-up bat Dear Webby, That back-up bat is so simple and elgant, and FAST! I can't believe it is not in common usage! Can I use it to back up part of a folder to one destination, for example e:\JPG and part to D:\PPS ? Thanks Aletta Dear Aletta Yes, sure you can! You can even get fancy! @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.jpg e:\JPG xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.pps d:\PPS dir e:\JPG /b > c:\JPGlist.txt dir d:\PPS > c:\PPSlist.txt time /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt date /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt echo JPG and PPS backed up, echo JPGlist.txt and PPSlist.txt updated PAUSE That's it! When you send the output of a command, for example the directory listing, to a file, > replaces the old file >> adds to it. In the JPGlist.txt you don't care what was in there yesterday, you just want to know what is in there alltogether, so you simply replace the old list. With the log, there you want to see when the previous backups were done, especially if other people are using the machine and you demand that they do regular back-ups. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Shower Caps for Food Covers This may sound like a silly tip, but this proved to be very handy when we were camping with friends once, and I found that it works equally well at home. There are times when you need to cover a dish with food in it and just do not have the proper size lid, or a way to hold a cover on it easily. Here is a solution. Go to a dollar or similar type store, and find a package of thin plastic hair caps, used when dying hair. You will find that these will stretch over a large area when necessary, or if you need to use toothpicks to keep them up off of a frosted cake, they are light enough to do that without pressing down. They will fit over so many odd shaped things, even things with handles, and slip down over the handle, closing the area against the body of the container. We now go to a supply store for beauty shops, which we are told are quite common in any area, and get larger packs of them, and of course they are reusable, contrary to the plastic you rip off the roll and try to make stay on something. Just swish them around in sudsy water, same with rinse water, and lay over a hanging towel or use a clothespin to hang up to dry. by Loretta from Theodore, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Top Marks this week go to the government agency in Scunthorpe, England, who updated their email system to use Mail Sweeper For SMTP which did it's job brilliantly and filtered out any emails containing profanity or obscene language of ANY kind. All was fine, till they realised that no-one whatsoever had got ANY emails during the whole week since they installed the sofware... They checked through everything and couldn't find a problem, until one bright spark pointed out that all their email addresses contained '@scunthorpe.gov.uk', which in turn contains a term of endearment that apparently many Britons reserve for Government employees.
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". ------------ Can't blame him one bit. If I could afford one, I would buy a Dodge Ram today.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From 1960: How hot is it? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!
» Critters Galore


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Back-up bat with log 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 1

Thank you Joseph!

Today the sun set at exactly 8 PM.
At 7 PM I got a great deal on a couple bobs of corn.
On my walk I went by a fruit stand, mostly just to look
at their prices. The prices were pretty good, and a few 
people were standing in line for fruit.

The corn was labelled "2 for 50 cents". For here in range
cattle country above prairies with a few thousand miles of 
wheat, corn is usually two for a dollar.

One woman there was commenting that she uses an electric
knife to shave the kernels off the cob. The old, retired farm 
hand, who was selling the stuff, must have gotten cranky 
from standing there all day, and blew up on that. He called 
her a dumb cluck, and told her that for yuppies like her, corn
came in a can, and that the reason for buying corn on the cob
was to get the full flavor, that you ONLY get, when you 
gnaw it off a cob.

I agreed, and said, "Yes, with REAL butter and some salt and 
pepper, and if your lips are not burning and your nose does 
not run when you are finished, then your corn was as stale
as if it had come in a can."

The old guy just lit up and grinned, grabbed two cobs of corn
and handed them to me. "These have your name on it. Enjoy
them on me!"

I gratefully accepted them and spent my coins on red plums
at 49 cents per pound, and I noticed, the woman with the 
electric carving knife, bought half a dozen cobs of corn to 
see if she could get the.hot-lips effect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
312 -BC- Origin of Greek Era-Start of Indiction of Constantinople 
69 Traditional date of the destruction of Jerusalem 
891 Northmen defeated near Louvaine, France
1267 Ramban (Nachmanides) arrives in Jerusalem to start 
   Jewish community
1614 Vincent Fettmich expells Jews from Frankfurt, Germany
1661 1st Yacht race, England's King Charles vs his brother James
1666 Great London Fire begins in Pudding Lane. 
   80% of London is destroyed
1739 35 Jews sentenced to life in prison in Lisbon Portugal 
1799 Bank of Manhattan Company opens in NYC (forerunner to 
   Chase Manhattan) 
1874 Sydney General Post Office opens in Australia
1878 1st female telephone operator starts work (Emma Nutt, Boston) 
1905 Alberta & Saskatchewan become 8th & 9th Canadian provinces 
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1945 Japan surrenders ending WW II
1948 Communists form North China People's Republic
1961 USSR tests nuclear bombs in central Asia
1962 10,000 die in an earthquake in western Iran
1962 UN announces Earth population has hit 3 billion
1969 Libyan revolution, Col Moammar Gadhafi deposes King Idris 
1982 Palestinian Liberation Organization leaves Lebanon
1983 Korean Boeing 747 strays into Siberia & is shot down by a Soviet jet 
1985 US-French expedition locates wreckage of Titanic off Newfoundland 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up.
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

A few readers told me that the bright flashes in yesterday's picture were actually towns, mostly in Florida. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brenda White, 36, in Salt lake City, Utah Brenda White - Pleaded Guilty To Chasing Husband With Truck, Running Him Down Twice Brenda White, a 36-year-old Utah woman pleaded guilty Monday after she allegedly chased her husband with her SUV, plowed through an office building's front doors and struck her husband, twice. According to police, White drove to her estranged husband's workplace in April, 2006 to discuss signing refinance papers on their house when the couple had a disagreement over the paperwork. That's when White allegedly told her husband that she was going to "wipe him off the earth" before storming back to her truck. White returned to her husband's work about 4 hours later, revved the truck's engine and then sped after her husband as he attempted to flee on foot. When the man fled into a nearby office building, White chased him and crashed through the building's front doors. White struck her husband with the truck, tossing him 10 feet across the room. When the victim got to his feet and tried to flee again, White struck him a second time with the truck. The man reportedly suffered a broken leg and received more than 60 stitches to his arms, legs and face. White was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and criminal mischief. In court, White's attorneys argued that she was suffering from "extreme emotional distress" and had taken too much Xanax prior to the attack. The couple were in the midst of a divorce that apparently wasn't going well. The husband testified that his wife came to his work place during lunch and played the song "Angry Johnny" by the singer and songwriter Poe. The song includes lyrics that say "I wanna kill you, I wanna blow you away." White would then make a gun gesture with her hand and point it at his head, according to the victim's testimony. The week-long trial ended in an abrupt mistrial August 10 when several jurors were heard discussing the case in an elevator outside the courtroom. Jurors were instructed to refrain from discussing the case during the trial proceedings. Prosecutors were poised to continue the case during a scheduling conference on Monday when White entered a guilty plea instead. The judge accepted the plea and concluded the case. White is scheduled to be sentenced on January 8, 2013 for her 2006 crime.. Seems to me the Utah judiciary needs to get a Bonehead Award too!
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: Back Up bat with log Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, when you were a harried mobile tech, occasionally sprinting through our offices with a computer and your tool case under your arms, or a quarter-ton IBM 3810 laser printer on your shoulder, fixing not just hardware, but anything from bimbo-malfunctions to Word Perfect macros, you wrote me a back-up bat. I transfered it to every new machine I got and it worked fine from DOS 3 to Windows XP. Unfortunately, a little guy with a big mouth did not shut up, when he should have, and needed a tune-up, causing me to have to spend time at the Government Resort up the hill. At my new job we use W7, yuck! and of course it does not have your back-up bat, that I had carefully transferred from one machine to the next. Can you pretty please write me a new one just like that one, with a log of backaup dates? Thanks Rosie Dear Rosie We sure had fun in those days! OK, here is your old bat, as far as I remember it: @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\docs e:\docs time /T >> c:\t.txt date /T >> c:\t.txt echo Rosie's back-up bat has done it again! >> c:\t.txt type c:\t.txt pause Here is an explanation what each line does: @echo off stops it from echoing the commands to the screen color 9E changes the screen color from grey text on black to bright yellow text on blue xcopy.... copies only those files and folders that are newer at the source than at the destination time /T >> c:\t.txt puts the time into the t.txt log date /T >> c:\t.txt writes the date in there echo Rosie's ... writes a line of text as a break between groups of date and time, so that it's clear to which date the time belongs. type c:\txt writes the log to the screen pause pauses everything to let you see the log and asks for a key press Anybody new to bats: Write the bat with a plain text editor and save it as b.bat , not b.bat.txt, but as b.bat Then make a shortcut to it and drag the shortcut icon to the desktop. Change the icon to a fun and recognizable one. Whenever you hit that icon, a fast back-up will happen, but only of those files in c:\docs, that are newer than the ones in e:\docs It does not waste time on files, that have already been backed up and have the same date and time in both locations. You can, of course, change the source and destination locations to what YOU need backed up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise and had a pretty woman's face painted on top of hers, so that you would not see how scarey she really is. "
"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some on-line advertising were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up again, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
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