Printer spits paper onto the floor 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



I read that "The Well" was sold to an investor group consisting 
of long time members.

The Well was the first wide open online community. I remember
when it was accessible only via direct dial, befroe the Internet.
With a 3.4 KHz modem that got expensive in a hurry! 
There were no graphics, of course, except file transfer,
but even fast reading and fast replying hit the phone bill
quite noticeably. 

I remember trying it briefly, and even though I thought it 
was pretty neat, I did not visit after I got the phone bill for 
that month.

In the meantime The Well is of course on the Internet.
You can visit it at http://well.com
just find a "conference" you are interested in, and chime in.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1348 Jews in Zurich Switzerland are accused of poisoning wells
1451 Cardinal Nicholas of Cusa orders Jews of Holland to wear a badge
1776 Great fire in NY
1780 Benedict Arnold gives British Major Andr maps to West Point
1792 1st French Republic declared 
1823 Moroni 1st appears to Joseph Smith
1895 1st US auto manufacturer opens-Duryea Motor Wagon Company
1897 NY Sun runs famous "Yes, Virginia there is a Santa Claus," editorial 
1915 Stones at Stonehenge, England, sold at auction for 6,600 Pounds
1922 Pres Warren G Harding signs a joint resolution of approval to 
   establish a Jewish homeland in Palestine
1931 Britain goes off the gold standard 
1934 Typhoon strikes Honshu Island Japan, kills 4,000 
1949 Federal Republic of [West] Germany created under 3-power 
    occupation
1949 People's Republic of China proclaimed 
1953 Allied forces form West Germany
1958 1st airplane flight exceeding 1200 hours, lands, Dallas Tx 
1972 Marcos declares martial law in the Philippines 
1974 US Mariner 10 makes 2nd fly-by of Mercury 
1981 Belize gains independence from Britain
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"I like everything about fall. For example, I like Oktober- fest. On my way to work my cab driver had pretzels in his turban." --- Dave Letterman "Magnetism is one of the Six Fundamental Forces of the Universe, with the other five being Gravity, Duct Tape, Whining, Remote Control, and The Force That Pulls Dogs Toward The Groins Of Strangers." --- Dave Barry
A fairly attractive lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?"
The happy couple were at Town Hall, applying for their marriage license. After they filled out all the papers, the clerk said, "This license is good for 30 days." "No, you don't understand," replied the nervous bride-to-be. "We want one that's for a long time."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jennifer Fletcher, 42, Massillon, Ohio Charged With Draining Son's Bank Account While He Serves In Afghanistan, Arrested In Stolen Car Jennifer Fletcher, a 42-year-old Ohio woman was arraigned Monday after she allegedly raided her son's bank account and cashed his tax refund checks while he was deployed to Afghanistan. According to police, Fletcher withdrew approximately $16,000 from her son's bank account between March 2010 and April 2011. Her son was deployed to Afghanistan at the time while serving in the U.S. Army. Fletcher also allegedly forged her son's name to cash checks including a tax refund check that she then deposited in her own account. Fletcher reportedly gained access to her son's tax and account information when she agreed to file his tax return while he was deployed overseas, police say. Investigators say Fletcher was arrested Sunday after an officer stopped her because the car she was driving had been reported stolen. Felony warrants had been issued for Fletcher's arrest in July after her son's wife reported the fraud and forgeries in May of this year. During a police interview, Fletcher reportedly admitted to depositing and using her son's money. "She used more than just the tax returns," said Lawrence Township Police Chief Mark Brink. "She used some of the money that was put into his account through the military." Fletcher was booked into jail and charged with two counts of felony theft, one count of identity fraud and one count of forgery. Fletcher is scheduled to make her next court appearance on September 24. Her bond has been set at $150,000.
>From Dianne THIS IS ONE OF THE MOST WORRISOME STATISTICS IN THE LAST FIVE YEARS. 45% of women in the US are on medication for some kind of mental illness or malady! That's scary as hell, it means 55% are running around without medication! And voting!
Tech Support Pits: From: Laura Re: Printer spitting paper Dear Webby, My Brother printer keeps spitting paper onto the floor when it ejects the printed pages. Is there a way to stop that? Laura Dear Laura That's normal for many Brother printers. Just take a wire coat hanger, bend one end so that it forms a 5 inch wide rectangle. Stick the other end under the printer, with the nice rectangle end projecting four inches beyond the built in paper catcher. Bend it up slightly, and it will securely stop all the printed pages, as they come flying out. I have seen people put some plywood or shelving under the printer, sticking out six to eight inches on the output side, but the paper occasionlly still sails out over that. The bent up coat hangers seem to work the most reliably. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Magazine Pictures For Crafts: I love to make my own cards and gift bags and I love magazines (I get a ton). When I want to make card for a certain holiday, let say Halloween, I just pull out my latest magazine, (they always arrive a month ahead of time) and look for cute pictures of pumpkins, black cats and other Halloween related pictures. If I can't find what I want, I pull out an older issue of the same month. By Jennifer from Conyers, GA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

"This hotel stinks!" a guest complained when he showed up at the front desk to check out. "What's wrong?" I asked. "I got no sleep. Every 15 minutes this loud banging sound woke me up!" I apologized for the noise and checked him out. A few minutes later, a couple showed up. Again, I made the mistake of asking how their stay was. "Terrible!" they said. "The guy in the next room was snoring so loudly that we had to bang on the wall every 15 minutes to wake him up!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bill Last October my wife bought a magnolia tree from the local nursery, but after only a few weeks the leaves shriveled. It appeared to be on its last legs. My wife took some leaf samples and marched into the nursery to demand an explanation. "I know exactly what's wrong with your magnolia," said the manager. "Good," said my wife. "What's it suffering from?" "Autumn," he replied.
» Rainbows of the fall


[ view entry ] ( 305 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 269 )
How are sender addreses changed? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 20

The leaves have turned pretty colors. 
I guess summer is really over. It's still quite nice in 
the afternoon and early evening, but getting quite nippy
in the morning.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
622 Mohammad's Hegira (Flight from Mecca) The date is in 
   dispute, but they are pretty certain about the year.
1519 Magellan starts 1st successful circumnavigation of 
   the world 
1565 Spaniards capture Fort Caroline, Florida & 
   massacre the French
1664 Maryland enacts 1st anti-amaglmation law to 
  prevent widespread intermarriage of English women 
  & black men
1777 Paoli massacre
1850 Slave trade abolished in DC, but slavery 
   allowed to continue 
1859 Patent granted on the electric range
1884 6.2 mile Arlberg railroad tunnel completed in Austria 
1945 German rocket engineers begin work in US
1951 1st North Pole jet crossing 
1954 1st FORTRAN computer program run
1984 Suicide car bomb attacks US Embassy annex in Beirut 
1990 Both Germanys ratify reunification
1990 Saddam Hussein demands US networks 
   broadcast his message 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue." --- Scott Adams Do not say a little in many words but a great deal in a few. --- Pythagoras A paranoid is someone who knows a little of what's going on. --- William S. Burroughs
At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
>From Chris I was out walking with my 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I took the item away from her and I asked her not to do that. "Why?" my daughter asked. "Because it's been on the ground, you don't know where it's been, it's dirty and probably has germs" I replied. At this point, my daughter looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Mommy, how do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly. "All moms know this stuff. It's on the Mommy Test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "OH...I get it!" she beamed, "So if you don't pass the test, then you have to be the daddy." "Exactly" I replied back with a big smile on my face.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Andrea Conners,33, Ft. Thomas, KY Jailed After Entire School Begins Talking About Sexual Relationship With Student Andrea Conners, a 33-year-old business education teacher at Highlands High School, has been indicted after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to police, an investigation was launched last Wednesday after rumors began circulating around the school alleging that Conners had become engaged in a sexual relationship with a student. Conners abruptly resigned from the school after school administrators questioned her about the allegations. Investigators say Conners was engaged in a sexual relationship with the student between October 1, 2011 and November 30, 2011. Police have not released details of the student's age and gender. Connors, who has worked at the school for 8 years, has two children and is married to the principal of a Cincinnati area middle school. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree sex abuse. Her bond has been set at $5,000. Is this turning into an epidemic? Somebody could start a site, featuring 2 - 3 additional teachers every day, who have been jailed for picking gossipy students.
Tech Support Pits: From: Fred Re: How do they fake sending addresses Dear Webby-- I get stuff like this that I would like to reply too and tell them off. But look at the e-mail address-- How do they do that????? Date: Thu, 13 Sep 2012 21:39:43 -0500 > From: znrkkfnotsp68@wjzqtqjrvhk.com > To: robert_151@hotmail.com > Subject: ENLARGE Your MANHOOD 3-4 Inches PERMANENTLY If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself ! FRED. Dear Fred There is no more znrkkfnotsp68@wjzqtqjrvhk.com Somebody hung him by his family jewels from an overpass, at night, in the rain, low enough, so that every reefer truck gonged him. Well, that is what would have happened, if a spammer's sending address was real. Unfortunately, they aren't, unless they forge your address into the sender field. You can put whatever you want into the sender field. Emperor-Fred-VIII@stinebiser.org Two-Foot-Dinger-Fred@hoemail.com Harem-Master-Fred@whitehouse.gov Whatever you want. Since spammers never use the same sender address twice, except when they forge yours into the sender field, it is pointless to blacklist them or filter by the sender address. What you need to do is put MailWasher onto your Santa list, get it approved by your loving wife, and start having fun! That spam would never make it through MailWasher. You would never see it. You set MailWasher to nuke that kind of crap right on the server, without ever showing it in the list. Murdered in the dark, the way it is supposed to be done. You would see the pie slice named "Enlarge" getting fatter. That's all. And that is all you should really ever see about that kind of crap. You will probably also make a filter for certain fake watches, and one for fake UPS and FedEx notices. And so on. It gets to be a fun game to outwit the spammers. So, go for it! MailWasher is just under $30. Put it onto your Santa list, unless you have a birthday between now and Christmas. By the way, re taking care of yourself better, look at the Old School ad, that I found just for people like you, and put into the Humor Letter. Don't worry, it is not going to tell you to exercise or eat boring salads. Quite the opposite. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Color: I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue, red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc. Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is pink/yellow. The main reason for the color system was when the kids were done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know. These days, everything in our house comes in colors. By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went in to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten." The woman said, "That's okay." and for her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. " The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM! she's the most beautiful woman in the world. For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world and he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM! she's the richest woman in the world. The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'd like a mild heart attack." ADDITIONAL: But wait! There's more... The man actually had a heart attack, ten times MILDER than the one his wife had. Golfers!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster-oven." "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you another ticket just like this one."
» Preserves


[ view entry ] ( 295 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 261 )
Are automatic updates a good idea? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 19

It is sad to see how so many Muslim clerics use the local
hostile feelings against America, that were caused or 
drastically increased by Obama, as a religious issue.
If you listen to them, a Muslim's first duty is to obey their
imam, and the second duty is to hate America. 

Listen to their chants: "God is great! Hate America!"

That is not going to get them anywhere, however, it does
remind me of Iran. The Shah was introducing democracy,
taking the power away from the clerics. 

They got rid of him the hard way, and the US did not back 
him up, or even take care of his heart problem in a US 
hospital. They shuffled him off to Egypt.

That showed to the third world clerics that they don't have
to accept democracy. They just have to bitch loudly enough
against America, and can grab the power, 
just like the clerics did in Iran.

And nobody in Washington can see that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1356 English defeat French at Battle of Poitiers
1890 Turkish frigate "Ertogrul" burns off of Japan, kills 540
1928 Mickey Mouse's screen debut 
1957 1st underground nuclear explosion
1959 Nikita Krushchev is denied access to Disneyland 
1981 Satellites China 10 & 11 launched into Earth orbit by B-1 rocket 
1985 9,500 die in Mexico's earthquake (6.9) 
1988 Israel launches 1st satellite, for secret military reconnaissance 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The world is a tragedy to those who feel, but a comedy to those who think. --- Horace Walpole I find that the harder I work, the more luck I seem to have. --- Thomas Jefferson
A gorilla walked into a drugstore and ordered a $3.50 chocolate sundae. He put a ten-dollar bill on the counter to pay for it. The clerk thought, what could a gorilla know about money? So he gave the gorilla a single dollar bill in change. As he did, the clerk said, "You know, we don't get too many gorillas in here." "No wonder," the gorilla replied, when you have to rip the staff's heads off to get correct change."
Groan Alert A young man was smitten by a very lovely young lady. Unfortunately she did, not return the feeling. In desperation he went and visited a group of witches searching for a love potion. They informed him that they no longer provided such an item. It was highly unethical to administer a potion to someone without her permission. They did have an alternate solution. They sold him a bottle of small white pellets. He was to bury one in her yard every night at midnight for a month. He returned to the witches six weeks later excited and thankful. He and the young lady were to wed in a month. The witch told him, . . . "Nothin says lovin' like something from a coven. And pills buried say it best."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Anthony Sturman, 59, in Faversham, Kent, England Klutzy Pedophile He got 8 month, suspended for 2 years. Any more messing up with printers or kids, and he goes to jail. And he needs a new carreer.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Unattended update Hi Dear Webby, I have a question for you. I have my computer set to update automatically. Do I have to leave it running all the time for that, or can I shut it down, when I go to bed? Thanks Jaye Dear Jaye If you want to get the updates automatically, right when they come out, then yes, you would have to leave your computer on, especially the second Tuesday of every month, when Microsoft comes out with the newest bug "fixes". They kill some of the old bugs and put fresh ones in there. I usually decline the Tuesday updates and wait for the reaction to them on the net. If everybody gets hysterical about the newest update, I'll skip it until the word is out, that the bugfix has gotten fixed. Usually they fix them within 3-4 days and by the weekend it is safe to update. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dryer Sheet Air Freshener: Use a scented dryer sheet in your A/C intake to spread a nice scent all over the house. Just place one sheet on top of your filter. The air will pass through and distribute the scent through the duct work. By kraftykaren from Mobile, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
5 Steps To Looking 10 Years Younger This is mostly a "Don't fall for this and that stuff, that you won't keep up anyway." These 5 steps reveal the things you absolutey MUST AVOID if you want to slow the aging process, reclaim your health, and achieve your ideal body. Give "Old School - New Body" a try!

EVEN GOD ENJOYS A GOOD LAUGH There were 3 good arguments that Jesus was Black: 1. He called everyone brother . 2. He liked Gospel. 3. He couldn't get a fair trial. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Jewish: 1. He went into His Father's business. 2. He lived at home until he was 33. 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin and his Mother was sure He was God. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Italian: 1. He talked with His hands. 2. He had wine with His meals. 3. He used olive oil. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was a Californian: 1. He never cut His hair. 2. He walked around barefoot all the time. 3. He started a new religion. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was an American Indian: 1. He was at peace with nature. 2. He ate a lot of fish. 3. He talked about the Great Spirit. But then there were 3 equally good arguments that Jesus was Irish: 1. He never got married. 2. He was always telling stories. 3. He loved green pastures. But the most compelling evidence of all - 3 proofs that Jesus was a woman: 1. He fed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. He kept trying to get a message across to a bunch of men who just didn't get it. 3. And even when He was dead, He had to get up because there was work to do. AMEN
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Adam Dear Webby, once you had a list of definitions about common phrases that women use. Can you please print them again? Thanks Adam Yes, sure. Here they are: Definitions of words and terms for men so they might understand what women are really saying. We suggest that each woman make a copy for the man in her life. FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks this will cause you to have one of those arguments. FIVE MINUTES: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade. NOTHING: This means "something", and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with 'Fine'. GO AHEAD (With Raised Eyebrows) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine". GO AHEAD (Normal Eyebrows) This means, "I give up" or "do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off. LOUD SIGH This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing". SOFT SIGH Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content. THAT'S OKAY This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow." GO AHEAD At some point in the near future, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble. PLEASE DO This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay". THANKS A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say you're welcome. THANKS A LOT This is much different from "Thanks." A woman will say, "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh." Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh," as she will only tell you "Nothing".
» Canadian Steam Locomotives


[ view entry ] ( 217 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 274 )
He can't send large files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 18


Anti-American protest in Afghanistan
None of them have seen the movie, most of them have not
seen ANY movie, but it sure is fashionable and fun to protest 
agaisnt the Americans.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1739 Treaty of Belgrade-Austria cedes Belgrade to Turks
1755 Fort Ticonderoga, NY opens 
1759 British capture Qubec during the French & Indian War 
1810 Chile declares independence from Spain
1830 A horse beats the 1st US made locomotive (near Baltimore) 
1914 Battle of Aisne: Germans beat French during WW I 
1915 Boston Braves trounce St Louis Cardinals 20-1 
1919 Hurricane tides 16 feet above normal drown 280 along Gulf Coast
1926 Hurricane hits Miami, kills 250 
1975 Heiress/bank robber Patty Campbell Hearst captured by FBI in SF
1982 Christian militia begin massacre of 600 Palestinians in Lebanon 
1990 A 500 lb 6' Hershey Kiss is displayed at 1 Times Square, NYC
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Nothing can be so amusingly arrogant as a young man who has just discovered an old idea and thinks it is his own. --- Sidney J. Harris A superstition is a premature explanation that overstays its time. --- George Iles Technology is dominated by two types of people: those who understand what they do not manage, and those who manage what they do not understand. --- Putt's Law
At a wedding rehearsal, the minister told the father of the bride, "As you give your daughter's hand to the bridegroom, you should say something nice to him." The father, a grocery store manager, took the advice. During the wedding ceremony, he placed the bride's hand on his son- in-law's arm and said, "No deposit, no return."
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer." the man began, "I can explain,". "Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back." "But officer, I just wanted to say...." "And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!" A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," answered the fellow in the cell. "I'm the groom."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Shanice Lambert, 37, Childress, Texas Interstate child porno and sex by teacher's aide Shanice Lambert, a 37-year-old teacher's aide at Childress ISD, has been indicted on child porn charges after she allegedly drove a student across state lines, took sexually explicit photographs of him and enticed him to have sex with her. According to a federal grand jury indictment, Lambert recorded a student's sexual activity back in February and then sent the recording to different states. She also drove the student from Texas to Oklahoma on two occasions (Feb 11 and Feb 12) for the purpose of enticing him to have sex with her. Authorities have not released the student's age, however the indictment confirmed that the student is under the age of 18. An investigation was first launched in March of this year after school officials were informed that an inappropriate relationship had developed between Lambert and the student . School administrators conducted an initial investigation before turning the case over to Texas Rangers and Child Protective Services. Lambert was initially arrested in March and charged with sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between an educator and student. The school district initially placed Lambert on administrative leave, however administrators have since stated that Lambert no longer works for the district. According to the four-count indictment, Lambert now faces charges of production of child pornography, enticement of a minor and two counts of interstate transportation of a minor with the intent to engage in criminal sexual activity.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Can't send large files Dear Webby I am having a problem emailing a file over 20mb. I used both gmail and outlook express with the same results. The file is a talk @ 68mb. I download larger files all the time but cannot seem to send one . How can I get around the limitation? Thanks for all your help. RON P Dear Ron The limit is most likely your ISP. Normally files that size are not emailed on purpose, and those limits are in place to stop Gramma from emailing you her messed up Windows7 to fix it for her. When I have to send files that size I either upload them to a site and email a link, or I use Skype and just drag it into the chat window. Even though Microsoft spent 8 Billion dollars to buy Skype and make sure Google did not get it, it is still free. You get it from http://skype.com Just download and install it, and tell your recipient to do the same. Then you can transfer files of any size back and forth without any hassle. If both of you have decent connections, you can transfer files at about the same speed as to or from a USB drive. This is not something new. A lot of us have been doing that for a dozen years or more with Skype and with similar programs before Skype. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Use That Bucket of Soapy Water: After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/gargage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky Almost all soaps and detergents are fairly good fertilizers, some are excellent fertilizers. That is why weeds love the cracks in your driveway! As a general rule of thumb, if the soap or cleaner does not hurt your hands, the plants will love it. The same goes for any grey water (water from the sinks, tub, shower and washing machine. That is FERTILIZER, and already paid for! If you have a garden, sneak that into your rain barrel and use it for irrigation. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Did you hear about the accountant with insomnia? He decided to try counting sheep, but he made a mistake and was up all night trying to find it!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
ADULT : A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle. BEAUTY PARLOR : A place where women curl up and dye. CANNIBAL : Someone who is fed up with people. CHICKENS : The only creatures you eat before they are born and after they are dead. COMMITTEE : A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours. DUST : Mud with the juice squeezed out. EGOTIST : Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation. GOSSIP : A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage. INFLATION : Cutting money in half without damaging the paper. MOSQUITO : An insect that makes you like flies better. SECRET : Something you tell to one person at a time. TOMORROW : One of the greatest labor saving devices of today. YAWN : An honest Opinion openly expressed. WRINKLES : Something other people have. You have character lines.
» Skyview Canvas, Nature's Artist:


[ view entry ] ( 305 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 459 )
Can forwarded email count towards a reward? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 17

Thank you, Ruby!

Now Egyptian clerics are demanding that the US enact laws
against anybody making fun of them and their religion.
Why?
Because Obama apologized,
and thereby put the US into a defensive retreat, 
forcing them to attack with escalated demands.
Obama, a Grand Master of the Entitlement Game, 
should have known to expect that. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1394 Jews are expelled from France by order of King Charles VI
1630 City of Boston forms 
1787 US constitution adopted by Philadelphia convention 
1819 1st whaling ship arrives in Hawaii 
1934 1st 33 1/3 rpm recording released (Beethoven's 5th) 
1939 Soviet Union invades Poland during WW II 
1991 North & South Korea join the UN 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Against stupidity the gods themselves contend in vain. --- Friedrich von Schiller What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living. --- Doug Larson Our deeds still travel with us from afar, and what we have been makes us what we are. --- George Eliot
Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked little about the family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota." The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?" said, "I was just kidding, actually, we went to Ohio."
While standing in line at a hotel counter, I noticed that the guy ahead of me not only looked like a typical Scotsman, but was studying the posted room rates like he was preparing for a long and tedious haggling session. So I pulled out the print-out of my on-line reservation (at a better rate than he will ever get, no matter how long he haggles), and my VISA, and held them in a way, so that the lady behind the counter could see them, and shot her a mischievious smile. Quite predictably, she waved me to the side, took the reservation and the VISA, greeted me with my first name like an old friend, swiped the card through the slot on the keyboard, and handed it back with a room card. The whole transaction took maybe 4 - 5 seconds. While I was putting the papers away and gathered my stuff, I overheard her explaining to the Scotsman that he could have a room with a shower or one with a tub. "Wot's the difference?" he asked. "Well, Sir," she replied, "in a tub you can sit down."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Weber, 53, Miami Beach, Florida Jailed After Stealing Credit Card From Parked Car, Attempting To Buy Drinks From Bartender Who Owns Car David Weber, a 53-year-old Florida bonehead was jailed Tuesday after he allegedly stole a credit card from a parked car, went into a bar to buy a drink with the card, then discovered that card he stole belonged to the bartender who was serving drinks that night. According to Miami Beach police, Weber broke into a car parked inside a parking garage Monday night and stole a credit card out of it. He then went into a nearby bar and presented the card while ordering a drink. Investigators say the bartender working that night recognized the card as his and called police. During questioning, Weber claimed that he found the card on the ground and denied having anything to do with burglarizing the bartender's car. Weber was booked into the Miami-Dade County Jail and charged with credit card fraud and theft.
Tech Support Pits: From: Ilah Re: Is forwarded mail a hoax Dear Webby Is this another hoax? It's the same oldstory - Microsoft will track forwarded e-mails and send checks for huge amounts to senders etc. etc. etc. Faithful Webby Fan Ilah Dear Ilah Yes, same old hoax. Microsoft is neither interested in tracking emails nor in giving away money, and is not capable of tracking emails.. anyway. Just send the forwarders to http://webby.com/humor/fert.html Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Use That Bucket of Soapy Water: After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/gargage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky Almost all soaps and detergents are fairly good fertilizers, some are excellent fertilizers. That is why weeds love the cracks in your driveway! As a general rule of thumb, if the soap or cleaner does not hurt your hands, the plants will love it. The same goes for any grey water (water from the sinks, tub, shower and washing machine. That is FERTILIZER, and already paid for! If you have a garden, sneak that into your rain barrel and use it for irrigation. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year-old baseball players aside and asked, "Do you understand what cooperation is? What a team is?" The little boy nodded in the affirmative. "Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?" The little boy nodded yes. "So," the coach continued, "I'm sure you know, when an out is called, you shouldn't argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?" Again the little boy nodded. He continued, "And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it's not good sportsmanship to call your coach 'a dumb asshole' is it?" Again the little boy nodded. "Good," said the coach. "Now go over there and explain all that to your mother."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
» The Azure Blue View


[ view entry ] ( 227 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 460 )
How to filter mail that appears as if it was from me 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 16

Some of you will remember Dorothy and Leo, the wolf and bear
defenders from Alaska. When Leo retired from the Federal 
Forest Service, they moved to Montana. Montana is not doing 
any aerial hunting of grizzlies or wolves, so they had to adopt 
a different project: Monarch Butterflies.

It seems the annual Monarch migration is endangered and 
needs urgent help, and they are pitching in with all kinds of
rewards. Instead of standing between grizzlies and hunters,
they built a Monarch butterfly migration way-station.

Their newest page is on Kickstarter: Milkweed for Monarchs

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1795 British capture Capetown 
1810 Hidalgo begins Mexican revolt against Spain
1812 Great Fire of Moscow 
1857 Typesetting machine patent
1858 1st overland mail for California 
1908 General Motors founded by William C Durant
1947 John Cobb sets world auto speed record at 394.2 MPH 
1963 Malaysia formed from Malaya, Singapore, Br. N. Borneo & Sarawak 
1978 25,000 die in 7.7 earthquake in Iran
1982 Massacre of 1000+ Palestinian refugees at Chatila & Sabra begins
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger becomes a US citizen 
1991 US trial of Panamanian leader Noriega begins
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Being in the army is like being in the Boy Scouts, except that the Boy Scouts have adult supervision. --- Blake Clark There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn. --- Albert Camus Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one. --- A. J. Liebling
>From Ann One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" my daughter's husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" cried my daughter a short time later. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burned."
A dad walks into a market with his young son. The kid is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The dad realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help. A well dressed, attractive, but serious looking woman in a blue business suit is sitting at a coffee bar in the market reading her newspaper and sipping a cup of coffee. At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down on the saucer, neatly folds the newspaper and places it on the counter, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the market. Reaching the boy, the woman carefully takes hold of the boy's testicles and starts to squeeze, gently at first and then ever more firmly. After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the quarter, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand. Releasing the boy, the woman hands the coin to the father and walks back to her seat in the coffee bar without saying a word. As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no lasting ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, "I've never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?" "No," the woman replies, "a Divorce Attorney."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Adrian Dagnino, 29, in Carlsbad, NM Mexican National On Trial For Raping 9-Year-Old Girl, Bites Off Officer's Finger During Trial Adrian Dagnino, a 29-year-old New Mexico man on trial for raping a 9-year-old girl, made matters worse for himself when he allegedly bit off a transport officer's finger during the hearing. According the Eddy County Sheriff's Office, Dagnino's jury trial was in progress Friday when Dagnino became disruptive and the judge ordered that he be removed from the courtroom. Court deputies were preparing to remove Dagnino when he allegedly became combative and bit off a large part of an officer's finger. "Adrian apparently grabbed a hold of the transport officer's hand and bit off a portion of his small finger - up to the second knuckle," said Ernest Mendoza of the Eddy County Sheriff's Office. Investigators say Dagnino was eventually removed from the courtroom while the injured officer, 63-year-old Michael Sweeney, was transported to a local hospital. Court records indicate that Dagnino, a Mexican nationa, was jailed in 2010 after he allegedly raped a 9-year-old girl in Carlsbad. He was found guilty of criminal sexual contact with a minor when his trial resumed on Monday. Dagnino now faces a possible charge of aggravated battery and deportation back to Mexico after his sentencing.
Tech Support Pits: From: Carla Re: Mail appearing as if from me Dear Webby I get a lot of spam that looks as if it had been sent by me to me. Well, I am one of those silly dingbats, who sends memos to myself. Instead of filing stuff properly right away, I mail it to myself, and then put it into the appropriate mailbox, for example recipes or weight-loss. Apparently there are a lot of people doing that and all that spam seems to capitalize on that. Now, I can't really filter out ALL mail from me, because some of it is legitimate. I realize, the filters in Gmail are just single-shot and can't do anything as tricky as that, can MailWasher clean that? Thanks Carla Dear Carla Yes, sure. MaiWasher has been taking care of those sneaky spams for me for a dozen years, or more. I started using MailWasher, when it was just an experiment in beta test, and a voluntary donation got me a lifetime license. Well, it turned into a lifetime license for the original version, but even that has already all the capabilities, that I need. The trick is to preface the subject line in mails to yourself with some goofy symbol, that the spammers are not likely to use. For example use the ~ from the upper left coner of the keyboard: ~ RECIPE Chocolate-Cherry-Cheesecake Then in MailWasher you make a filter: CONTAINS in the FROM carla@yourdomain.com AND DOES NOT CONTAIN in the SUBJECT ~ What I got in CAPS is stuff you simply select from a pull-down. Then in the disposal area you tell it to dump those mails without notifying you and without showing them in the list. That's right, just murder them in the dark, on the server, without bothering you at all. You have to give the filter a short name. Well, you COULD give it a long one, but the reason for a short one is that it looks a lot tidier in the pie chart, that shows you how many spams each filter has killed. Outwitting the spammers turns into a fun sport with those filters. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Linseed Oil to Remove Road Tar Road tar and asphalt which splatters up and sticks to an automobile is almost impossible to remove. That is, unless you first saturate the spots with linseed oil. Allow the oil to soften the tar for a few minutes and you'll find that the grime rubs right off with a piece of coarse cloth. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO If you can't get linseed oil, or if it is too expensive in your area, WD40 works well too. Remember to re-wax the cleaned off area to protect the paint job! Have FUN! DerWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Ken's deer hunt 1:00am Alarm clock rings 2:00am Hunting partners arrive, drag you out of bed 2:30am Throw everything except the kitchen sink in the pick-up 3:00am Leave home for deep woods 3:15am Drive back home and pick up gun 3:30am Drive like hell to get to the woods before daylight 4:00am Set up camp - Realize that you forgot the damned tent 4:30am Head out into woods 6:05am See eight (8) deer 6:06am Take aim and squeeze trigger 6:07am "Click" 6:08am Load gun while watching deer go over the hill 8:00am Head back to camp 9:00am Still looking for camp 10:00am Realize I don't know where the camp is -Noon- Fire gun for help - eat some wild berries 12:15pm Ran out of bullets - 8 deer come back 12:20pm Strange feeling in stomach 12:30pm Realize you ate poison berries 12:45pm Rescued!! 12:55pm Rushed to the hospital to have stomach pumped 3:00pm Arrive back at camp 3:30pm Leave camp to kill deer 4:00pm Return to camp for bullets 4:01pm Load gun - leave camp again 5:00pm Empty gun on squirrel that is really bugging you 6:00pm Arrive at camp. See deer grazing in camp. 6:01pm Load Gun 6:02pm Fire gun 6:03pm One Dead Truck 6:05pm Hunting partner returns to camp dragging deer! 6:06pm Suppress strong desire to shoot partner 6:07pm In doing so, stumble and fall into fire 6:10pm Change clothes, throw burned ones into fire 6:15pm Take pick-up, leave partner and his deer in woods 6:25pm Pick-up boils over - discover bullet hole in radiator 6:26pm Start walking 6:30pm Started crying, stumble and fall, drop gun in mud 6:35pm Meet great big Bear! 6:35pm Take aim 6:36pm Fire gun, blow up barrel plugged with mud. 6:36pm Lose all control of bodily functions. 6:37pm Climb tree 9:00pm Bear departing, wrap gun around the tree 9:03pm Feeling relieved that bear is gone 9:04pm Start climbing down the tree 9:05pm Fall out of tree -Midnight- Home at last -Sunday- Sitting in bed with cast on leg watching TV, slowly tearing hunting license into itty-bitty pieces, place into envelope, mail to the Game Warden with very clear instructions.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale."
» The Azure Blue View


[ view entry ] ( 215 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 268 )
How to make spam filters for Gmail 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 15

It's the season to rumble.
Not just in the Arab world.
I just heard that the European Soccer league had to
get tough on improper behavior again. This time, it was
the team from Vienna. They got fined a HUGE sum of money,
and thei next game, against Trondheim, will be an empty
seat game. NO spectators inside the stadium, just a few
TV teams. 

That is one way to stop that nonsense.
I wish there was a way to do the same in the Arab world.
Well, Canada has started to do the equivalent by pulling
the Canadian Embassy from Iran, and kicking the Iranian
diplomats out of Canada. 
We are not playing your stupid games, GIT!

Change of topic!
Some of you will remember Dorothy and Leo, the wolf and bear
defenders from Alaska. When Leo retired from the Federal 
Forest Service, they moved to Montana. Montana is not doing 
any aerial hunting of grizzlies or wolves, so they had to adopt 
a different project: Monarch Butterflies.

It seems the annual Monarch migration is endangered and 
needs urgent help, and they are pitching in with all kinds of
rewards.



Their newest page is on Kickstarter: Milkweed for Monarchs

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1620 Mayflower departs from Plymouth, England with 102 pilgrims 
1821 Costa Rica El Salvador Guatemala Honduras & Nicaragua 
   gain independence
1894 Japan defeats China in Battle of Ping Yang
1904 Wilbur Wright makes his 1st airplane flight 
1916 1st tank used in war, "Little Willies" at Battle of Flors, France 
1917 Russia proclaimed a republic by Alexander Kerensky 
1931 British naval force mutinies at Invergordon over pay
1935 Nuremburg Laws deprive German Jews of citizenship & 
   make the swastika the official symbol of Nazi Germany 
1938 British PM Chamberlain visits Hitler at Berchtesgarden 
1940 Tide turns in Battle of Britain in WW II, RAF beats Luftwaffe 
1961 Hurricane Carla strikes Texas with winds of 175 mph 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. --- John Quinton Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. --- Oscar Ameringer
Tim, a mechanic, does work for the Air Force Academy. One day, a guard asked, "Mind if our new guard dog practices sniffing your truck? Tim obliged and the dog went to work. Almost immediately, it latched onto a scent and jumped into the truck bed sniffing furiously. Tim became nervous. There were no drugs or weapons. What could the dog be after? A few minutes later, the guard approached Tim. "Sorry," he said sheepishly, "our dog ate your lunch."
A loudspeaker system has been installed in the church. It was given by one of the members in memory of his wife. The church is now forming a Little Mothers Club. All women desiring to become Little Mothers are asked to meet with the pastor in his study after services. The font so generously presented by Mrs. Smith will be set in position at the east end of the Church. Babies may now be baptized at both ends.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version Yes, sure, squirrels can levitate!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacy Walker, Another teacher Charged With Repeatedly Having Sex With 16-year-Old Student Stacy Walker, a 24-year-old math teacher and girls' soccer coach at Richland High School, was jailed Monday after she allegedly had sex with a student. According to Richland Police, school officials launched an investigation after rumors began circulating that Walker had engaged in sexual acts with a student. The case was then handed over to Richland Police who learned that Walker allegedly engaged in an ongoing relationship with a 16-year-old student Investigators say Walker admitted to having a sexual relationship with the student beginning at the end of the school year and continuing through the summer. Investigators are now looking into additional allegations that were made involving other students. Walker was booked into jail and charged with one count of sexual battery by a person in a position of trust or authority. Her bail was set at $25,000. --------- Teacher / Student sex has been going on for thousands of years. Yapping about it on cell phones and email is the only part that is new, and that separates the boneheads from the Millions, who don't get caught.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: How to make filters in Gmail Good Morning, I love your newsletter it gives me a start to the day. I have a question about gmail. How do you check your filters? I made a filter for spam and need to make sure that it isn't killing some of my regular mail. Since I wasn't sure on how to create one I want to make sure that I did it right. Can you help me? Sincerely Brenda Dear Brenda take a typical spam, for example one about fake watches. Look in it for a phrase, that is not likely to occur in any legitimate email. Then click on settings, filters, make filter and step through that. It is not quite as intuitive as it could and should be, but you'll figure it out. In the process of making the filter, you can TEST it. If it shows the mails you want filtered out and nothing else, then you have a winner. However, if it shows way too much and also catches good stuff, then you have to pick a longer phrase, or a different one, until a test shows JUST the bad stuff. The Gmail filters are not as easy and nowhere near as versatile as the ones in Mailwasher, but they do work quite well in combination with Gmail's already pretty good spam filtering. After making new filters it is a good idea to look in the Spam folder now and then to see if maybe one of your filters is casting it's net a bit too wide. By the way, you CAN use Mailwasher to wash your Gmail. With it's filters you can get really precise, and also combine many different rules. You can use CONTAINS ..., but DOES NOT CONTAIN, OR CONTAINS, and so on, and even use all the Regular Expressions and get really mean. You can use real programmer stuff, but just click it together with your mouse. The only thing you actually type or paste is the phrase it has to look for. Making filters to outwit the spammers becomes a real strategy game. The reward is not just clean email, but looking at the colorful pie chart in MailWasher to see which of your filters nabbed the most. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Trash Bags in Place When I buy trash bags that don't like to stay in place, I simply measure off a length of elastic, sew it together and fit it over the trash can. When the bag is put into the can we simply pull the elastic over the edges and this keeps it from moving. We never take the elastic off, (except to clean it) we simply push it down a little, lift out the bag, and replace it. By Gem from VA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

>From Jeanne Recently, our 18-year-old daughter started hunting for her first real job. She spent an afternoon filling out applications, leaving them on the kitchen table to finish later. As I walked by, a section of the application on top jumped out at me. Under "Previous Employment" she wrote, "Baby sitting." In answer to "Reason for Leaving" she wrote, "Parents came home."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A young Navajo man excitedly calls his mother to say he's been in love awhile, she's the ideal girl, and he is going marry her. "Oh, that's wonderful. Hurry up and bring her over," his mother says with the excitement and impatience typical of mothers. "Not so soon," he laughs. "I want to see how well you know your son. I'm going to bring her over with two friends. You guess which one is her." The next day, he brings three beautiful Navajo women into his mother's house, sits them down on the couch, and they chat pleasantly for awhile. He then says, "Okay, guess which one I'm going to marry." She immediately replies, "The one on the right." "That's amazing! You're right. How did you know?" "I don't like her."
» La Vie du Fleurs


[ view entry ] ( 164 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 259 )
Desktop shortcut to web sites 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Twelve years ago yesterday Iraqi troops stormed the 
residence of the French Ambassador in Kuwait.
Iraq has since learned, the hard way, that Embassies
and Ambassadors are supposed to be protected islands
in whatever hostilities are going on. That is "Civilization 001".

They have been rebooted to the level of chaos, where people
are just starting to recognize Embassies and Ambassadors.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1716 1st lighthouse in US lit (Boston Harbor) 
1752 England & colonies adopt Gregorian calendar, 11 days disappear 
1812 Napoleon occupies Moscow 
1847 US troops under General Scott enter Mexico City
1872 Britain pays the US $15 M for damages during Civil War
1886 George K Anderson of Memphis, Tennessee patents typewriter ribbon
1930 Nazis gain 107 seats in German election
1938 Graf Zeppelin II, world's largest airship, makes maiden flight 
1973 Israel shoots down 13 Syrian MIG-21s 
1989 Calgary Flames become 1st NHL team to play in USSR, win 4-2 
2012 Peter Lougheed, former Alberta premier, called "father of modern Alberta"
died at age 82.  P.L. vetoed the Kyoto accord.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done. --- Socratex Ever heard Victoria's REAL secret? Too much support hurts. --- R. Stevens We hang the petty thieves and appoint the great ones to public office. --- Aesop If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. --- Will Rogers
A hacker went up to a club pro and challenged him to 18 holes of golf for $100. There was one catch, though -- the hacker gets two Gotcha's. The club pro, with his attitude, said, "No problem. Whatever the heck Gotcha's are, I'll still kick your behind all over the course. After the round, the two walked into the clubhouse. Others were stunned to see the club pro pay the hacker $100. They asked the pro how it happened. He remarked, "Well, when I was teeing off on the first hole, right in the middle of my backswing, he reached between my legs, grabbed my balls and yelled, 'Gotcha!' And you have no idea what it is like playing 18 holes waiting for the second Gotcha..."
The Governor made room on his busy calendar to hear the plea of one Senora Rodriguez that her husband be released from the state penitentiary. "What was he sentenced for?" asked the Governor gently. "For stealing a bread truck," replied the offender's wife, nervously fingering her mantilla. "Is he a good husband?" "No," she replied frankly, blushing a bit. "He beats me when he gets drunk, he bullies our children, he's unfaithful, and really not much good at all." "It sounds to me as though you're better off without him," said the Governor. "Why on earth do you want him out of jail?" "Well," she explained, "we're out of bread again."
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version Don't worry, they are usually not after the ball. They are meat eaters.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Maisa Alvarez, 42. Lake Wales, Florida Jailed After Binding Son's Hands Together, Repeatedly Stabbing Him In Chest With Steak Knife Maisa Alvarez, a 42-year-old Florida woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly tied her 7-year-old son's hands together and then stabbed him repeatedly in the chest and arms. According to Lake Wales police, officers were dispatched to the family's home after Alvarez called 911 and told dispatchers that her son had been stabbed. Emergency responders and police arrived at the scene to find the boy suffering from at least 10 stab wounds. The boy was airlifted to Arnold Palmer Hospital in Orlando where he was treated for non-life threatening injuries. Investigators say Alvarez bound the boy's hands together and then began stabbing him in the chest with a steak knife. The boy also received several stab wounds when he attempted to defend himself with his arms. Alvarez told detectives that she didn't realize she was stabbing her son until he attempted to defend himself. She was booked into the Polk County Jail and charged with first-degree attempted murder and aggravated child abuse.
Tech Support Pits: From: Tom Re: Shortcuts to sites Dear Webby Is there anyway to put a short cut to a favorite internet site on my desktop? Tom Dear Tom There sure is, but it's a secret. You have to swear never to tell it to an officer or burocrat who outranks you. Millions of readers in the military and in companies, where they are not allowed email newsletters like the Humor Letter, depend on you to keep it secret. OK, here is the secret procedure: Go to that site, for example http://webby.com/humor Add it to the Favorites or Bookmarks, so that your browser saves the favicon, the little icon on the left of the address bar. Grab that favicon on the left side of the address bar and drag it to an empty space on your desktop. Hit F2 and rename the icon title to something related to work, like Taxtables. If the icon that shows up is too obvious, change the icon to a spreadsheet or word processor icon or something that looks like it might be work related. That is all there is to it! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

A minister was planning a wedding at the close of the Sunday morning service. After the benediction he had planned to call the couple down to be married for a brief ceremony before the congregation. For the life of him, he couldn't think of the names of those who were to be married. "Will those wanting to get married please come to the front?" he requested. Immediately, nine single ladies, seven widows, two widowers, and three single men stepped to the front.
The newly-married husband came home from the office to find his young wife in floods of tears. "Darling, whatever is the matter?" he asked. "Sweetheart," she sobbed, "the most terrible thing has happened! I cooked my very first Beef Bourguignon for you, and I got it out of the oven to season it, and the phone rang. When I came back from answering the phone," she sobbed again. "I found that the cat had eaten it!" "Don't worry, darling," said her husband. "Don't cry. We can get a new cat tomorrow."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Liquor manufacturers have accepted the Government's suggestion that the following warning labels be placed immediately on all varieties of alcohol containers: WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what happened to your clothes. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering when you are not. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell your friends over and over again that you love them. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause you to think you can sing. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-boyfriends are really dying for you to telephone them at four in the morning. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may make you think you can logically converse with members of the opposite sex without spitting. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, smarter, faster and better looking than most people. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are laughing WITH you. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may cause pregnancy. WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your butt kicked. WARNING: the crumsumpten of alcohol may Mack you tink you kan tpye reel gode.
» The Winners (2011) L


[ view entry ] ( 174 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 277 )
How to civilize Explorer 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 13

Thank you very much, Georgina!

It looks like the US is slowly starting to realize, why Gaddafi
was a so easily badmouthed villain. The same as with Saddam
in Iraq. Yes, by democratic and civilized standards, he was
a real asshole. He never would have fit into the Vatican.
Washington, maybe, but not the Vatican!

Gaddafi knew that the only way to make his barbarians behave
was to scare them just a bit more, than they were scaring him.

After the US and Britain and France and Italy spent Billions
testing all their new weapons and using up all the stale-dated
bombs to defeat Gaddafi's military and government and 
ultimately him too, there was no civilized force left to scare 
the barbarians.

I never liked Gaddafi, but I was always against armed outside
intervention. When the people are ready, they will accomplish
change without outside help. Forcing change on them before
they are ready, that just sets them back even further.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
122 Building begins on Hadrian's Wall 
1625 Rabbi Isiah Horowith & 15 other rabbis arrested in Jerusalem
1663 1st serious slave conspiracy in colonial America (Virginia) 
1759 Wolfe defeats Montcalm on Plains of Abraham; 
   Canada becomes English
1788 New York City becomes capital of the United States
1789 1st loan to US Govt (from NYC banks) 
1882 Britain invades Egypt
1906 1st airplane flight in Europe
1922 136.4øF (58ø C), El Aziziyah, Libya in shade
1942 German forces attack Stalingrad
1943 Chiang Kai-shek became president of China 
1961 Unmanned Mercury-Atlas 4 launched into Earth orbit 
1970 IBM announces System 370 computer 
1990 Iraqi troops storm the residence of French 
ambassador in Kuwait
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

People who work sitting down get paid more than people who work standing up. --- Ogden Nash The trouble with facts is that there are so many of them. --- Samuel McChord Crothers
Shortly after the birth of their second child, a husband offered to take his wife shopping for a new dress. He endured more than two hours of listening to her complaints about which figure flaw each dress accentuated. As she emerged from the dressing room, having tried on the last selection, she asked for her husband's opinion. By this time he had learned just the right things to say. "It's perfect!" he exclaimed. "It makes your waist look smaller, your legs look longer, and slenderizes your hips." Just then another lady in the dressing room spoke out. "If there is a dress here that will do all that, I'll buy a dozen!"
Thanks to Rabbi Dave for this timely information for his fans: On the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, there is a ceremony called Tashlich. Jews traditionally go to the ocean or a stream or river to pray and throw bread crumbs into the water. Symbolically, the fish devour their sins. Occasionally, people ask what kind of bread crumbs should be thrown. Here are suggestions for breads which may be most appropriate for specific sins and misbehaviors: For ordinary sins White Bread For erotic sins French Bread For particularly dark sins Pumpernickel For complex sins Multi-Grain For twisted sins Pretzels For tasteless sins Rice Cakes For sins of indecision Waffles For sins committed in haste Matzoh For sins of chutzpah Fresh Bread For substance abuse Stoned Wheat For use of heavy drugs Poppy Seed bread For petty larceny Stollen For committing auto theft Caraway bread For timidity/cowardice Milk Toast For ill-temperedness Sourdough For silliness, eccentricity Nut Bread For not giving full value Shortbread For jingoism, chauvinism Yankee Doodles For excessive irony Rye Bread For unnecessary chances Hero Bread For telling bad jokes/puns Corn Bread For war-mongering Kaiser Rolls For dressing immodestly Tarts For causing injury to others Tortes For lechery and promiscuity Hot Buns For promiscuity with gentiles Hot Cross Buns For racist attitudes Crackers For sophisticated racism Ritz Crackers For being holier than thou Bagels For abrasiveness Grits For dropping in without notice Popovers For over-eating Stuffing For impetuosity Quick Bread For indecent photography Cheesecake For raising your voice too often Challah For pride and egotism Puff Pastry For being overly smothering Angel Food Cake For laziness Any long loaf For trashing the environment Dumplings For those who require a wide selection of crumbs, we suggest a Tashlich Mix available in three grades (Taslich Lite, Medium, and Industrial Strength) at your favorite Jewish bookstore. ------------------- That explains the pallets with 50 pound bags of assorted breadcrumbs that I saw stacked in front of a Deli downtown!
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Jadian Faye-Marie Hatfield, 23, Pensacola, FL Jailed After Beating Ex With His Own Prosthetic Leg Jadian Hatfield Facebook Jadian Faye-Marie Hatfield, a 23-year-old Pensacola previously convicted felon, was jailed after she allegedly beat a man with his own prosthetic leg, then pointed a shotgun at him. According to the Okalooska County Sheriff's Office, Hatfield and the victim, 25-year-old Brandon Fleming, have a 2-year-old son together and have been sharing custody since they broke up in February. On August 27th, she send Fleming a text stating that she was "tired of him" and she was going to put him "six feet under." Hatfield came to Fleming's residence around 11:00 p.m, claiming that she was there to get her son. When the victim refused to hand the child over, Hatfield grabbed the boy out the bedroom window and put him in the back seat of a vehicle. Investigators say Fleming attempted to retrieve the child but was confronted by two men with clubs, who had also traveled to the residence with Hatfield. During the struggle, Hatfield snuck up behind the victim, pulled off his prosthetic leg and began to beat him with it. She then pulled a 12-gauge shotgun out of the vehicle and threatened to kill him if he didn't let her leave with the child. Hatfield and the two men left with the child while Fleming called police. Hatfield was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon without intent to kill, domestic violence battery, interfering with the custody of a minor, and possession of a firearm by a convicted felon.
Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: Uncomplicating Explorer Dear Webby It irks me every time when I open the Windows file Explorer that it starts focused on Desktop, My documents instead of c:\ Is there a way to fix that ? Mark Dear Mark I agree that it's a thilly nuisance to have to tippy-toe all the way up to the root first before you can start doing what you plan to do. Fortunately it's easy to fix the thilly rigmarole. Use the same trick, that I described yesterday. Open an Explorer, click on the little folder to the right of the empty bra. That will open the address bar. Type in C:\ and hit ENTER. That will get you to the root directory. Now drag that little folder onto the desktop, right-click it and select properties, change the icon for it to something recognizable. There are lots of icons in C:\Windows\System or System32 or System64. Look for a file called moreicons.dll There are lots of icons in there. Then from then on you just click on that icon and an Explorer opens focused on C:\ You can do the same for the other drives and for any folder, that you frequently go to. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Double Thread When Sewing Buttons To make sewing a button on easier and much faster, cut a long piece of thread. Select a needle with a bit larger than usual eye and double the thread in half. Thread the doubled end through the eye and now you have 4 strands of thread to work with. When you make the knot, you will be tying the 4 strands together. Twice the amount of thread to sew with and fewer stitches through the button. By banty from Chatom, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

>From Amy Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those darn video cameras everywhere you look."
An enthusiastic door-to-door vacuum salesman goes to the first house in his new territory. He knocks, a real mean and tough looking lady opens the door, and before she has a chance to say anything, he runs inside and dumps cow patties all over the carpet. He says, "Lady, if this vacuum cleaner don't do wonders cleaning this up, I'll eat every chunk of it." She turns to him with a smirk and says, "Do you want ketchup on that?" The salesman says, "Why do you ask?" She says, "We just moved in and we haven't got the electricity turned on yet."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A drunk stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river, but has to get past the preacher to get to the buffet table. The minister turns and notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, Are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yesch, Preacher, I schure am." The minister then dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asked. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I did not Reverend." The preacher in disgust holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher... "Are you schure thisch isch where he fell in?"
» Funny Faces


[ view entry ] ( 227 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 308 )
How to make a desktop shortcut to a folder 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 12

Thank you very much, Georgina!
Thank you Ivan! 

There has been a lot of specultion in the media about this
weekend's cyber terrorism. As usual, most of the media
pundits were totally clueless and just jumping to confusions.

No, it most definitely was not the White House back office, 
creating an excuse for another executive order bypassing
both houses, to clamp down on the Internet. Those people's
expertise does not extend beyond FaceBook's Farmville.
While you do have to expect certain shenanigans from there,
they won't be that sophisticated.

The attack actually came from the entitlement crowd, that 
believes God gave them the right to steal music and movies and
and sell it for profit.

Parsons, the owner of GoDaddy, started off as a minister, 
selling "Money Counts" accounting software in the 80's.
I quite liked it, but unfortunately, it could not cope with the GST
tax, and I had to drop it in 92. But he had made his Millions 
by then.

However, behind all the glamor and glitz of GoDaddy, there is 
still the minister, and he frowns upon the music and movie theft
industry, and supports SOPA, the law that tries to crimp 
wholesale piracy.

To the entitlement crowd that looks like he is messing with 
their god-given right and entitlement to steal and profit from 
selling stolen stuff. THAT is why they attacked GoDaddy
and GoDaddy resellers.

What is the result?
We tightened security to the point, where it is becoming a 
nuisance for clients. Others will either follow, or fall prey to 
attacks. Just like 9/11 changed the world, and not for a 
better place, this weekends cyber terrorism has in some
ways done the same for the Internet.

In the short term it will widen the gap between users and
providers, who have to become better educated and skilled.
In the long term, that will make things more expenive for 
the users.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
 490 -BC- Athenians defeat 2nd Persian invasion of Greece at Marathon
1649 Drogheda, Ireland falls to Puritan troops; inhabitants massacred 
1901 Arabs attack Gedara Palestine
1938 Adolph Hitler demands self-determination for Sudeten Germans in Czech
1959 Luna 2 launched by USSR; 1st spacecraft to impact on the Moon
1974 Coup overthrows Emperor Haile Selassie in Ethiopia
1980 Military coup in Turkey
1988 Gilbert, strongest hurricane ever (160 mph), devastates Jamaica
1990 US, England, France, USSR, East & West Germanys sign 
agreements allowing the 2 Germanys to merge 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The saying "Getting there is half the fun" became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines. --- Henry J. Tillman
The start of the new school term always brings out the most interesting questions for computer consultants on campus. The predominant questions this term pertain to "getting into" E-mail and how to access the "Information Highway." An obviously distraught student came into the consulting office yesterday complaining that his E-mail wasn't working; his attempts to get tickets for an on-campus concert kept resulting in returned mail. He showed me the mail address he was attempting to reach. I asked him where he obtained such an unusual mail address. He replied, "The sign told me, 'begins@7:30 P.M.'"
Although born to a Catholic family, Chester had always wanted to be Jewish. As a senior in college, he decided to take the plunge and go through the formal conversion process. He studied Judaism all semester. Finally, he felt he was ready to take the test and complete the conversion. On the appointed day, he arrived at the Rabbi's office, ready to begin. The Rabbi said, "I'm sorry, but before I give you the test, I must discuss my fee, It's $5,000." "$5,000!" exclaimed Chester, "That's a lot of money. How about $500?" "Congratulations, you pass." said the Rabbi.
Soup Diet Recipes: Fat Burning Soup Recipes Formerly Obese Mother Reveals Her Diet Secret: Homemade Fat Burning Soups! 100+ Fat Burning Soup Recipes That Boost Metabolism And Burn Fat. Big stack of free bonus books! 100% money back guarantee!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Laurie Kelly, 43, in Mesa, AZ Teachers Aide - Jailed After Leaving 6-Year-Old Daughter At Park To Have Sex With Two Men Laurie Kelly, a 43-year-old teacher's aide at Whitman Elementary School and park hooker was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly left her 6-year-old daughter with two strangers for hours so she could have sex with two men. According to police, Kelly approached two strangers at Evergreen Park and offered to buy them beer if they would watch her 6-year-old daughter for a few hours. Kelly allegedly told the strangers that she was "off to make some money." Police later learned that Kelly left the child at the park to have sex with at least two men in exchange for money. Investigators say officers arrived on the scene to find Kelly sitting in a grassy area with a man. When questioned, Kelly admitted to leaving the child with strangers so that she could have sex with two men. She stated that she needed to "make some money" but knew she was putting her daughter in danger. Kelly went on to say that she had "a manic sexual rage inside her" which she couldn't control. Witnesses told police that several different people watched the child for more than four hours and that the little girl didn't have water - it was especially hot that day. Kelly was booked into jail and charged with suspicion of child abuse. She has also been placed on paid leave by the school while the investigation continues.
Tech Support Pits: From: Gerald Re: Shortcut to music folder Dear Webby, Is there a way to create a short cut and thus a desk top icon to a music file folder that does not give that option when I right click on it? Getting to my music files is a small nuisance going through explorer & nerding around till I find that folder. I have the klutzy Blonde Windows, that is about as welcome as the sad-ass earth color shirts at clothing stores or the faggy dough-boy designs at the car lots. Thank you!! Gerald Dear Gerald Open a File Explorer At the left top you see something that looks like an empty bra. That is where the Forward and Backward arrows appear, if you. as you put it so nicely, "nerd around" for a while. To the right of the empty bra you see a folder icon. Click on that, and an XP style address bar opens. You can type your destination in there, or simply C:\ and proceed from there, instead of having to waddle up to the root first. Once you have your music folder open, drag that little folder icon at the top onto an empty spot on the desktop. Don't drag the folder from inside the Explorer window. That gets unpredictable and you might wind up with the actual folder on the desktop. So just drag that icon from the top to the desktop. Next right-click it and go into properties. There you can assign a nice, colorful icon to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Feather Duster: To clean a feather duster, place it in a paper or plastic bag and then add a box of cornstarch. Hold it tightly, so it's securely closed and then shake vigorously for 15-30 seconds, preferably outside. Remove and shake out all cornstarch. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Why study a 1000 page manual, when all you need is a Condensed eBook? Top Selling PC / Laptop Software Training Course Tutorials Attention :dont Miss This Limited Special Discount Offer . These Popular Software Training Courses For Office and Adobe Photoshop Have Received Endless Positive Feedback. Buy One Now And Get An Immediate Download

Becky had to grab a cab to get to a meeting uptown. She hailed one down, got in and told the cabbie the address to go to. The cabbie turned out to be a lunatic driver and Becky sat in the backseat clutching the door handle wondering if she could expect to survive this trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded NYC streets, weaving in and out of traffic. Becky watched as one pedestrian after another leapt aside to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. Becky looked ahead and saw a truck double parked on the narrow street. Not only did the driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver," Becky screamed, "Are you crazy?? Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax lady," he said. "Just do what I do. Close your eyes."
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions. "Professionally employed?" he asked. "We're a military family," the wife answered. "Children?" "Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly. "Animals?" "Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man owned a small farm in Iowa. The Iowa Wage and Hour Department claimed he was not paying proper wages to his help and sent an agent out to interview him. "I need a list of your employees and how much you pay them," demanded the agent. "Well, there are my hired hands. One has been with me for four years, the other for three. I pay them each $600 a week, plus free room and board. The cook has been here for 18 months, and I pay her $500 a month plus free room and board. Then there's the half-wit that works here about 18 hours a day. He takes home $10 a week and I buy him a bottle of bourbon every week to keep him going," replied the farmer. "That's the guy I want to talk to, the half-wit," said the agent. The farmer said, "That would be me."
» Creative Calories


[ view entry ] ( 228 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 287 )
More Tab History 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 11, 9/11
What were you doing 11 years ago, when you got THE NEWS? 

I prefaced this newsletter for about half a year after that 
with a count of how many days since the world changed.
And it sure did change, and not just for travelers!

Bush's concept of bringing the puck in front of THEIR net
and keeping the enemy busy in THEIR yard, put a stop to
any further attacks, especially after trashing all their 
caves. One has to wonder what will happen when the enemy
realizes that the soldiers, who are now ordered to show
"Courageous Restraint" are strategically handicapped now.

Personally, I would feel safer, if the soldiers were yelling:
"Remember the Alamo! Remember 9-11 !" and made the enemy 
cower in fear and give up any notion of fighting civilization.

How do YOU feel about it?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1609 Henry Hudson discovers Manhattan island 
1709 English, Dutch & Austrians defeat French in Battle of Malplaquet 
1777 Battle of Brandywine, Pa; Americans lose to British 
1814 Battle of Lake Champlain, NY; Americans defeat British 
1853 1st electric telegraph in use, Merchant's Exchange to Pt Lobos
1881 Triple landslides bury Elm Switz
1910 1st commercially successful electric bus line opens (Hollywood) 
1919 US marines invade Honduras
1922 British mandate of Palestine begins 
1930 Stomboli volcano (Sicily) throws 2-ton basaltic rocks 2 miles
1936 FDR dedicates Boulder Dam, now known as Hoover Dam 
1941 FDR orders any Axis ship found in American waters be shot on sight 
1946 1st mobile long-distance car-to-car telephone conversation 
1950 1st typesetting machine to dispense with metal type exhibited 
1952 West German Chancellor Adenauer signs a reparation pact for Jews 
1973 Chile's President, Salvador Allende, deposed in a military coup
2001 The worst terrorist attack on American soil - 2819+ die as a result 
of hijacked airplane attacks on the World Trade Center, the Pentagon and 
a field in Western Pennsylvania 
Remember the Alamo! Remember 9-11 !

2012 GoDaddy and it's resellers were attacked by Cyber Terrorists and
Millions of sites were down or affected. 

2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The attack on the servers, that I mentioned yesterday, was very well prepared long in advance and very well coordinated. I realized, that something nefarious was going on when Gloria on Pender Island, BC, told me about her email not working. A check showed a weird load on that server. Luckily my Ukrainian partners Natalie and Victor were able to jump on it immediately, shut down some services and battled the attack. Unlike GoDaddy, we kept all of our machines up and running, even though some of them at reduced service for a while. This attack proved the concept, that Linux machines are safer from trojans and attacks than Windows machine, is a myth. However, they are easier to defend and to repair. We did the equivalent of dumping and re-installing Windows, but without shutting down. Contrary to what the herd of clueless media pundits claim, it was not a distributed Denial Of Service attack, but a well prepared inside-out attack. Key parts of the Linux OS on a huge number of servers had been modified with "EggDrop" style trojans well in advance and activated on the weekend. What made it more difficult was that there were more than one "EggDrop", and successfully getting rid of one just activated an other one. We did succeed, though, and stayed up, and GoDaddy is up again too. Apparently we were targeted, because we are a GoDaddy Reseller, selling domain registrations for less than GoDaddy themselves. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this story: Everybody's a comedian. I called my local home improvement store for a simple piece of advice. "I know the sheetrock is screwed to the studs," I said to the guy who answered the phone, "but how do I find the studs?" "Put an ad on our bulletin board." he suggested.
This was a story told to us by our chemistry master at school. A student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Out of the corner of his eye, the professor observed what the student was about to do and hurried over. After confirming this was what was intended, he asked the student to first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. Puzzled, the student followed after him to ask the purpose of this action. "It will give me time to run away," said the professor.
No ad here on 9/11

Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver, for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version That's him by those urns, that he carved. A fifth one in the back is not finished yet.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Kymberely Frederick, 30, and Daniel Richards, 34 in Casselberry, FL Couple Spends Honeymoon In Jail After Leaving Baby And Two Toddlers Alone At Home During Wedding Kymberely Frederick, 30, and Daniel Richards, 34, spent their honeymoon in jail Tuesday after they allegedly left three young children alone at home while they went to the courthouse to get married. According to police, an investigation was launched Tuesday afternoon when a neighbor called 911 to report that three children (ages 1, 2, and 3) had been left alone without adult supervision. Investigators say officers arrived at the couple's residence to find three children had been left alone. Two children were found in cribs, while a third child was found in her bed. Frederick and Richards told police that they left home at around 2:30 p.m., borrowed a neighbor's car and went to the Seminole County Courthouse to get married. They reportedly called a neighbor while en route to the courthouse and asked her to watch the kids while they were gone. That neighbor, instead of watching the kids, immediately called police instead. Frederick and Richards were booked into the Seminole County Jail and charged with felony child neglect. Richards remains in jail, however, Frederick was released after posting bond.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Tab History Tool Hi Webby Another Tab history tool I use is "Session Manager" Cheers Frank Dear Frank I have heard about Session Manager, but have not tried it myself. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make a Garden Holder for Your Cell Phone Stay in touch while gardening by making a holster for a cordless phone out of an old shoe. Nail an old shoe to a stake and place it in the garden to hold the phone. Now there's no more running back into the house to grab the phone, and the phone stays out of the dirt. Source: Typical Mary Ellen By Mom of 1 from Wilkesboro, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
No ad here on 9/11

Billy Joe came visitin' up north, and decided he wanted to do something he could never do in the south... SNOW SKIING. Unfortunately, before he ever made it UP the hill so he could try and come DOWN the hill, he was knocked unconscious by the chairlift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but they said they were refusing to cover the injury. "WHAT?!" yelled Billy Joe into the phone. "And why wouldn't you cover an injury like this?" "You got hit in the head by a chairlift," the insurance rep said. "That proves you are an idiot... and we consider that to be a pre-existing condition."
Bob walked into our insurance office to purchase coverage for his new motorcycle. Only one question confused him. "Do you have a lien holder on the vehicle?" "I've got a kickstand," Bob replied. "Is that the same thing?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Grace: Most of us have a bad habit we are constantly trying to break. For me, it's biting my fingernails. One day I told my husband about my latest solution: press-on nails. "Great Idea, Honey," he smiled. "You can eat them straight out of the box."
» Creative Calories


[ view entry ] ( 161 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 425 )
Pasting a URL to a browser 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 10

Two of our servers are under attack, and we shut down most
services to protect the data, and make it easier to fight off 
the attack. Once everything is back to normal, the pictures
will show up again. Oh, and the newsletters will be delayed
until then as well.

Sunday afternoon Dianne, the lady, who sends me the Bonus 
Links, skyped me and told me to go for my walk early, because 
a wicked storm was forecast.

Yeah, yeah, I know.
When I did leave, the cute neighbor lady was tying stuff down 
in her garden and told me that I was going to get soaked 
before I got back.

I hiked to the store below the post office and bought some
potatoes, nothing else, and headed back.
Half way back the sky turned black, and the wind picked up.
Nice tail wind pushing me along! This was fun!
I grinned when I saw branches, leaves and what looked like 
tumbleweeds racing up the street and passing cars.

Then, with a lot of hooting and hollering and screeching a
bunch of teens on bicycles raced up the hill, sitting tall,
hands-free, holding their jackets open and flying up the
hill three times faster than they had ever pedalled down it.
Dang! I should have used my bicycle!

Well, I got home in record time and was within sight of
my house when the first big drops hit. Horizontally.
The last block was against the wind, so I cinched down the 
chinstrap on my hat, leaned into the wind and cranked up
my speed. 

The drops were sparse enough and the wind strong enough,
that they dried as fast as they hit. My shirt was a little bit damp
on the shoulders, but by no means wet, when I got into the 
shelter of the house and stopped to watch the storm.

Dianne later skyped me that the top speed of that storm 
was measured at 110 km/h. (about 70 mph)
It sure cleaned the leaves left by the hail storm a couple 
of weeks ago and blew them down to the prairies.
Nobody around here had raked them up. We knew that
sooner or later some wind would get them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1349 Jews who survived a massacre in Constance Germany 
   are burned to death 
1798 British Hondurus beats Spain in battle of St George 
1813 Comm Oliver H Perry defeats the British in the Battle of Lake Erie 
1846 Elias Howe patents the sewing machine 
1869 Baptist minister invents the rickshaw in Yokohama, Japan
1910 Great Idaho Fire destroys 3 million acres of timber 
1913 Lincoln Highway opens as 1st paved coast-to-coast highway 
1939 Canada declares war on Germany 
1953 Swanson sells its 1st "TV dinner" 
1984 Sean O'Keefe (11) is youngest to cycle across US (24 days) 
1990 Iran agrees to resume diplomatic ties with Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If we got one-tenth of what was promised to us in these State of the Union speeches, there wouldn't be any inducement to go to heaven. --- Will Rogers Politicians are people who, when they see light at the end of the tunnel, go out and buy some more tunnel. --- John Quinton Politics is the gentle art of getting votes from the poor and campaign funds from the rich, by promising to protect each from the other. --- Oscar Ameringer There are two kinds of people, those who do the work and those who take the credit. Try to be in the first group; there is less competition there. --- Indira Gandhi
Here's hoping there is no one like this at your workplace. Faced with hard times, the company offered a bonus of one thousand dollars to any employee who could come up with a way of saving money. The bonus went to a young woman in accounting who suggested limiting future bonuses to ten dollars.
Watching her mother as she tried on her new fur coat, the young daughter said unhappily, "Mom, do you realize how much some poor dumb beast suffered so you could have that?" The woman shot her an angry look, "How dare you talk about your father like that!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version Largest QR is the corn maze in Lacombe, Alberta 28,800 square metres (310,000 square feet) The second-biggest one is in Belgium and measures a mere 1315.23 square metres (14,156.96 square feet), less than 1/20 of the one in Lacombe, Alberta. I had a chuckle when I looked at their site: Cheap ladies in Lacombe, Alberta: http://www.kraayfamilyfarm.com/ Latest News at Kraay Family Farm Wednesday, September 12 is LADIES' NIGHT at the farm - All Ladies are half price between 4pm and 8pm!! It probably would not be safe to inquire about the prices the Ladies of the (Wendnesday) Evenings charge.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Gerome Robinson, 18, in Lake City, Florida To Police "The Devil Tried To Rape Her In My Body" Gerome Robinson, an 18-year-old Florida man accused of attempting to rape a 13-year-old girl, told police "the devil tried to rape her in my body." According to Lake City Police, a 13-year-old girl was walking to her grandmother's house when Robinson approached her and asked if she wanted to "hang out." When the girl told Robinson "No," Robinson responded by pushing the girl into his backyard, stripping naked and then attempting to undress the victim. At some point in the struggle the girl broke free and ran. Robinson tried to chase the girl but was stopped in his tracks by his mother. He was hauled back inside until police arrived a short time later. During a police interview, Robinson stated that "the devil tried to rape (the girl) in my body." Robinson was apprehended and booked into jail and charged with battery and lewd or lascivious battery. His bond has been set at $55,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bali Re: How to paste a URL Dear Webby, How do you paste URL's in your browser? I am totally un advised. Thanks Bali Dear Bali Highlight the URL, for example http://webby.com/humor Hit CTRL C to copy it click in the browser address bar to highlight the URL that is still in there or delete the old URL then ht CTRL V to paste the new URL there. Then hit ENTER to go to the new URL. The CTRL C CTRL V trick will work with everything. You can copy / paste stuff from or into emails, documents, spreadsheets, etc. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. By Roxy from St. Louis, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

>From Sandie After booking my 90-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?"
Long ago, there lived an officer of the Royal Navy named Captain Bravado. He showed no fear when facing his enemies. One day, while sailing the Seven Seas, his lookout spotted a pirate ship approaching, and the crew became frantic. Captain Bravado bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!" The first mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, and while wearing the brightly colored frock, the Captain led his crew into battle and defeated the pirates. That evening, all the men sat around on the deck recounting the day's triumph. One of them asked the Captain, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before battle?" The captain replied, "If I were to be wounded in the attack, the shirt would not show my blood. Thus, you men would continue to fight, unafraid." All of the men sat and marveled at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout spotted not one, not two, but TEN pirate ships approaching. The crew stared in worshipful silence at the captain and waited for his usual orders. Captain Bravado gazed with steely eyes upon the vast armada arrayed against his ship, and without fear, turned and calmly shouted, "Get me my brown pants!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective."
» Bunch of boots


[ view entry ] ( 377 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 277 )
Choppers Rules......... 

1. If you are over forty, and you have a washboard stomach, you are a queer. It means you haven’t sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet…Faggot.

2. If you have a cat, you are a homo. A cat is like a dog, but queer– it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its claws, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog… ‘Killer, come here! I said get your arse over here, Killer!’ Now think about how you call a cat…’Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!’ Jeeezus, you’re pitched, you’re so queer.

3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on BBQ ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, lobster backs, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are a Homo in training and undeniably a fag.

4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man’s world is his toilet; he defecates and urinates where he pleases. 5. If you drink anything other than regular coffee, you’re as camp as a row of tents. A straight man will never be heard ordering a ‘Decaf Soy Latte’. If you’ve put a Decaf Soy Latte to your lips, you’ve had a man there too.

6. If you know more than six names of non-standard colors or four different types of dessert other than ice cream and custard, you might as well be handing out free arse passes. A real man doesn’t have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a ‘fressier’ is you’re gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than cotton or denim, you are poofter.

7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, forget it, you’re dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to beep at a slow-arsed driver or to cut the prick off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, or hold his beer.

8. If you do not send this off to all the males on your email list because you are afraid of hurting their feelings then you are definitely on the verge on being an arse puncher.





[ view entry ] ( 115 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 287 )


Back again, just barely, but back again! 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 8

Thank you, Admiral Jim!

The injections into my eyes on Tuesday backfired 
catastrophically. I can just barely read a bit again with a
magnifying glass, and luckily I can typo reasonably well by
touch and feel.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1380 Russians defeat Tatars at Kulikovo, beginning decline of Tatars 
1522 Spanish navigator Juan de Elcano returns to Spain, completes 
  1st circumnavigation of globe, expedition begins under Magellan 
1565 1st permanent settlement in US forms (St Augustine, Florida) 
1565 Turkish siege of Malta broken by Maltese & Knights of St John
1664 Dutch surrender New Amsterdam (NY) to 300 English soldiers 
1863 47 Texas volunteers repel Federal invasion force at 
   Sabine Pass, TX 
1900 6,000 killed when a hurricane & tidal wave destroys Galveston,
    Texas, most deadly in US history 
1920 US Air Mail service begins (NYC to SF)
1930 1st appearance of the comic strip "Blondie" 
1943 Italy surrenders to the allies in WW II 
1944 1st V-2 rocket lands in Britain
1945 US invades Japanese-held Korea 
1952 Ernest Hemingway's "Old Man & the Sea" published 
---
That was the first English book I read, an abbreviated school 
version. That prompted me to order all of Hemingway's books,
full versions, one after the other. 
---
1966 "Star Trek" premiers on NBC-TV 
1967 Surveyor 5 launched; makes soft landing on Moon Sept 10 
1974 Pres Gerald Ford pardons former Pres R Nixon of 
   all federal crimes 
1990 Ellis Island Historical Site opens on Eliis Island, NYC 
2012  smiled

Tomorrow is National Grandparents' Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

None are so busy as the fool and knave. --- John Dryden The greatest pleasure in life is doing what people say you cannot do. --- Walter Bagehot
>From Frank I was eating lunch with my 10-year-old Granddaughter and I asked her, "What day is tomorrow?" She said: "It's President's Day!" She is a smart kid. I asked "What does President's Day mean?" I was waiting for something about Washington or Lincoln .... etc. She replied, "President's Day is when the President steps out of the White House and if he sees his shadow, we have one more year of BullShit!" You know, It hurts when hot coffee squirts out your nose!
Junior had just received his brand new drivers license. The family trooped out to the driveway, and climbed into the car, where he was about to take them for a ride for the first time. Dad immediately headed for the back seat, directly behind the newly minted driver. "I'll bet you're back there to get a change of scenery after all those months of sitting in the front passenger seat teaching me how to drive," said the beaming boy to the ol' man. "Nope," came dad's reply, "I'm gonna sit here and kick the back of your seat as you drive, just like you've been doing to me all these years."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Solvey Hut, half way up the Matterhorn, in Switzerland
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erica DePalo, 33, in West Orange, N.J. Teacher Of The Year Award Winner - Charged With Having Sex With 15-Year-Old Student Erica DePalo, a 33-year-old teacher at West Orange High School and the 2011 Essex County Teacher of the Year, has been charged with having sex with a 15-year-old student. According to police, DePalo began a sexual relationship with a 15-year-old student on June 15 and continued the relationship until August 28. The alleged victim is a student who attended DePalo's honors English class, according to reports. DePalo, who was named the 2011 Essex County "Teacher of the Year," has been suspended "immediately and indefinitely," according to school administrators. DePalo was booked into jail and charged with first-degree aggravated sexual assault, second-degree sexual assault and endangering the welfare of a child. Her bail has been set at $100,000.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mark Back of Drawers When Moving If you plan to refinish or move a dresser, chest, or any furniture with more than a couple of drawers; an easy way to remember where each drawer goes is mark on the back of the drawer with a marker pen with "A", "B", "C", "D" or "1", "2", "3", "4". On the inside, after removing the drawer write the corresponding letter or number in the o pening. This will not show on the outside and will come in handy the next time you have to move the furniture. Some d rawers appear to be the same size until you try to replace them and they don't seem to fit. My son came up with this idea when we moved some dressers that had 2 sizes of drawers. By Linda from Arlington, TX Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Over drinks one evening two gentleman were having a discussion about the charms or lack there-of of Pamela Anderson. "I say she's highly over-rated," said one. "Take away her eyes, her lips, her legs, that figure, and what have ya got?" "My wife" said the other.
A bishop discovered a tribe of Indians in the Yukon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The bishop soon rectified the situation by baptizing and confirming everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the Bishop the tribe had never had so much fun. The bishop asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
When a customer left his cell phone in my store, I scrolled through his saved numbers, stopped at "Mom" and pushed send. His mother answered, and I told her what happened. "Don't worry," she said, "I'll take care of it." A few minutes later, the cell phone rang. It was "Mom." "Martin," she said, "you left your cell phone at the con- venience store."
» Seashells by the Sea Shore


[ view entry ] ( 232 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 424 )
Laws of Applied Terror 

First Law of Applied Terror:
When reviewing your notes before an exam, the most important will be illegible.

Second Law of Applied Terror:
The more studying you did for the exam, the less sure you are as to which answer they want.

Third Law of Applied Terror:
80% of the final exam will be based on the one lecture you missed and the one book you didn't read.

Fourth Law of Applied Terror:
Every instructor assumes that you have nothing else to do except study for that instructor's course.

Fifth Law of Applied Terror:
The night before the English History mid-term, your biology instructor will assign 200 pages on planaria.

Sixth Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

Seventh Law of Applied Terror:
If you are given a take-home exam, you will forget where you live.





[ view entry ] ( 212 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 460 )


Deja Vu All Over Again 







[ view entry ] ( 196 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 471 )


Extended characters like © 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 4

The mails re my explosive diarrhea were quite, ahem, interesting.
Roland mentioned "we have diarrhea. as well and figure it 
must be stomach flue"
Hope he and Ruth feel better soon!

O'Sure claimed it was because I only looked at facts and not
popular opinion about Gullible Warming.

Manin suggested boiling the starch out of rice and drinking
the starchy water, A few suggested to restart the intestinal 
fauna with yoghurt and sauerkraut.

Some suggested it was a bout of lactose intoelrance, and one
even ventured to state that it was lactose intolerance caused
by bad karma acquired because of my life-long attraction to
boobs.

Well, I treated it like food poisoning, and after 16 hours 
of not eating or drinking anything, it was gone. 
Good Riddance!
I have been told once, this always happens before you die,
never afterwards. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
476 Romulus Augustulus, last Roman emperor in west, is deposed 
1609 Navigator Henry Hudson discovers island of Manhattan 
1618 "Rodi" avalanche destroys Plurs Switzerland, 1,500 killed 
1864 Bread riots in Mobile, Alabama 
1870 3rd French republic proclaimed as they overthrow their king
1888 George Eastman patents 1st roll-film camera & registers "Kodak" 
1918 US troops land in Archangel, Russia, stay 10 months 
1948 Queen Wilhelmina of Netherlands abdicates 
1957 Ford Motor Co introduces the Edsel 
1988 Mike Tyson crashes a silver BMW into a tree near Catskills NY 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What luck for rulers that men do not think. --- Adolf Hitler The United States is a nation of laws: badly written and randomly enforced. --- Frank Zappa One of the keys to happiness is a bad memory. --- Rita Mae Brown The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. --- Walter Bagehot
A woman meant to call a record store, but dialed the wrong number and got a private home instead. "Do you have 'Eyes of Blue' and 'A Love Supreme?'" she asked. "Well, no," answered the puzzled homeowner. "But I have a wife and eleven children." "Is that a record?" the caller inquired, puzzled in her turn. "I don't think so," replied the man, "but it's as close as I want to get."
A retiree was given a set of golf clubs by his co-workers. Thinking he'd try the game, he asked the local pro for lessons, explaining that he knew nothing whatever of the game. The pro showed him the stance and swing, then said " Just hit the ball toward the flag on the first green." The novice teed up and smacked the ball straight down the fairway and onto the green, where it stopped inches from the hole. "Now what?", the fellow asked the speechless pro. "Uh... you're supposed to hit the ball into the cup" the pro finally said, after he was able to speak again. The retiree replied, "Oh great! NOW you tell me!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joyce Coffey, 53, in Epping, New Hampshire Jailed 4 Times In 26 Hours For Repeatedly Blasting Stereo, Throwing Frying Pan At Nephew Joyce Coffey, a 53-year-old Effing woman was jailed 4 times in 26 hours after she allegedly refused to turn down her music, and assaulted her nephew with a frying pan. According to Epping police, officers responded to a noise complaint at Coffey's residence on Tuesday around 3:00 p.m. Officers gave Coffey a verbal warning and left the scene. About an hour later, police received another noise complaint after Coffey allegedly blasted "Highway To Hell" by ACDC through her stereo. When officers arrived at her house a second time, she refused to turn down her music and was apprehended on charges of disorderly conduct. She was released after posting $500 personal recognizance bail. Despite the arrest, officers were called to Coffey's residence again around 9:20 p.m. on a third noise complaint regarding the loud music. She was arrested again, and this time was released after posting $1,000 bail. She was instructed not to turn on her radio at all until 10:00 a.m. the next morning, and she agreed that she would try to keep the peace. Despite the agreement, police received yet another noise complaint about Coffey around 1:10 a.m. When an officer drove by the residence, he could hear ACDC's "Highway to Hell" playing very loudly. Coffey was arrested for a third time, and was released again after posting $10,000 bail. Officers hoped they would not see her again anytime soon, but they were called to her residence again, this time on a domestic disturbance complaint. When officers arrived on the scene, her 49-year-old nephew stated that she threw a frying pan at him while he was picking up some belongings from her home. Coffey was booked into jail for a fourth time on charges of simple assault and breach of bail conditions. She is currently being held in lieu of a $10,000 cash bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jan Re: Copyright Symbol Dear Webby, A dozen years or so ago you gave a list of symbols. I lost mine! I need the copyright. I thought it was Alt-Ctrl-C, but can't seem to get it to work. Anyway you could publish that list again? Thanks so much, Jan The copyright symbol is made by holding down ALT and typing 0169 with the numeric key pad. NUM-LOCK of has to be on. Here is a picture of the most common key codes: Common Key Codes The complete set is at http://webby.com/humor/char If you don't have a numeric keypad on the side of your keyboard, then you can copy the symbols from that page. If you lose thislink, just go to my Tool Box at http://webby.com/tools and scroll way down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Old Credit Cards for Cleaning I use an old credit card to clean the algae off of the front of the aquarium. Also, I took a watercolor class where the instructor used an old credit card like a squeegee to move paint around. By wasshrunk from Redlands, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

>From Chris Over the weekend I happened to catch a glimpse of some National Dog Show event as I flipped through the channels. The dog on the screen at the time was a white English sheepdog. It was simply a mound of fur with four legs. The judge was brushing back the dog's hair so she could look at the animal's eyes. The TV announcer was explaining that each dog has to have its eyes checked to make sure they're the right shape, color, etc., etc. Another announcer chimed in with, "Well, plus the judge has to see if the dog HAS both of its eyes. 'Cuz if you start combing through hair and you only see ONE eye . . . you're looking at the wrong end of the dog."
Three weeks after her wedding day, Maureen called her minister. "Reverend," she wailed, "John and I had a DREADFUL fight!" "Calm down, my child," said the minister, "it's not half as bad as you think. Every marriage has to have its first fight!" "I know, I know!" said Joanna. "But what am I going to do with the BODY?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Bob: One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6!", I complained. "What if I had a million-dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sir," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you had a million dollar deal to close, you probably wouldn't be staying in this motel!"
» Summer Fruits


[ view entry ] ( 164 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 465 )
URL for sex offender locations 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 3
Happy Labor Day!

So far it has not been a happy Labor Day for me. Something
caused me to get screaming burn-out explosive diarhea. Yeah
I know, you have had that occasionally too, and I have had it
probably about once a year before, but it is still a major 
nuisance. And I have no clue yet what may have caused it. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1189 England's King Richard I (the Lion-Hearted) crowned in Westminster
1752 This day never happened nor the next 10 as England 
adopts Gregorian Calendar. People riot thinking the govt stole 
11 days of their lives 
1783 Treaty of Paris signed (ending the US Revolutionary War) 
1852 Anti Jewish riots break out in Stockholm
1891 Cottonpickers organize union & stage strike in Texas 
1916 Allies turned back Germans in WW I's Battle of Verdun
1925 Dirigible "Shenandoah" crashed near Caldwell Ohio, 13 die 
1935 1st automobile to exceed 300 mph, Sir Malcolm Campbell (301.337 mph) 
1939 Britain declares war on Germany. France follows 6 hours 
later quickly joined by Australia, New Zealand, South Africa & Canada 
1940 1st showing of high definition color TV
1940 US gives Britain 50 destroyers in exchange for Newfoundland base lease
1943 Allies invade Italy 
1945 Japanese forces in the Philippines surrender to Allies
1967 Sweden begins driving on right-hand side of road 
1976 Viking 2 soft lands on Mars (Utopia), returns photos
1979 Hurricane David, a strong Atlantic storm kills over 1,000 

2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw If you're not using your smile, you're like a man with a million dollars in the bank and no checkbook. --- Les Giblin
An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him, "Daddy, what is sex?" The father was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the "birds and the bees." When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. The father asked her, "Why did you ask this question?" The little girl replied, "Mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs."
As the bus pulled away, I realized I had left my purse under the seat. Later I called the company and was relieved that the driver had found my bag. When I went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded me. One man handed me my pocketbook, two typewritten pages and a box containing the contents of my purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As I started to put my belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. That's why the stuff is in that bushel box. And we'd like to see just how you get all of it into that purse!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latina Carr, 39, in Gilbert, Arizona Chased Boyfriend Into Bathroom With Pair Of Knives, Dared Him To "Come Out Swinging" Latina Carr, a 39-year-old Arizona woman was jailed Sunday after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in the back after she saw a phone call from another woman on his cell phone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the couple's residence just before 6 a.m. Sunday after receiving a call from Carr's boyfriend who stated that he had been stabbed in the back and had taken refuge in the bathroom. Police arrived on the scene and took Carr into custody without incident. Investigators say the couple got into an argument when Carr noticed a call on her boyfriend's cell phone that appeared to be from another woman. When Carr demanded that he call the woman back, and he refused, the two scuffled over control of the phone. That's when Carr went to the kitchen and returned with a pair of steak knives. Police say Carr stabbed the man in the back as he fled into a bathroom and locked the door behind him. Carr allegedly began stabbing the door while screaming that the boyfriend had "better come out swinging." The man decided he was better off waiting it out until police arrived. Carr was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault, criminal damage and assault/domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Brenda Re: URL for Sex Offender Locations Dear Webby, I love your newsletter. Now that I have gmail it comes every day thank you for the referral. I have a quick question years ago you ran a spot where you could check out sexual offenders for your state. Do you still have this site? Brenda Dear Brenda Yes, I remember that link. I removed it because a lot of people complained about it. Try this link: Sex Offender Location Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Pills From Sweaters Remove fuzz balls from sweaters with a shaver. Go over the surface slowly and carefully with a disposable razor. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Member of Parliament Geoffrey Dickens tells of attending a fair in his constituency and being followed around by a sweet but exceptionally ugly woman whom he couldn't get rid of. A few days later he got an admiring letter from her asking for his photograph, and signed, after her name, "(Horseface)." Dickens was touched by her humorous modesty and sent off a picture autographed, "To Horseface, with best wishes, Geoffrey Dickens." Some time later his secretary asked him, "Did you get that letter from the woman at the fair? I wrote 'Horseface' after her name so you'd know which one she was."
A man, his wife, and mother-in-law went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there the mother-in-law passed away. The undertaker told them, "You can have her shipped home for $15,000, or you can bury her here in the Holy Land for $150. The man thought about it and told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $15,000 to ship your mother-in-law home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150. The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jimmy was at his first day of school. The teacher advised the class to start the day with the Pledge of Allegiance, and instructed them to put their right hands over their hearts and repeat after him. He looked around the room as he started the recitation, "I pledge allegiance to the flag..." When the teacher's eyes fell on Jimmy, he noticed his hand over the right cheek of his behind. "James, I will not continue till you put your hand over your heart." Jimmy replied, "It is over my heart." After several attempts to get Jimmy to put his hand over his heart, the teacher asked, "Why do you think that is your heart?" "Because, every time my Grandma comes to visit, she picks me up, pats me here, and says, 'Bless your little heart,' and my Grandma wouldn't lie."
» Montreal


[ view entry ] ( 196 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 322 )
Victoria Jackson: "There's A Communist Living in the White House!!" 







[ view entry ] ( 251 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 465 )


From 1960: How hot is it?  

The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance.

Hot water now comes out of both taps.

You can make sun tea instantly.

You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron.

The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly.

You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car.

You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window.

You actually burn your hand opening the car door.

You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m.

Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

You realize that asphalt has a liquid state.

The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper.

Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs.

The cows are giving evaporated milk.

I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!




[ view entry ] ( 212 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 292 )


Can you modify the Back-Up bat ? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 2

Thank you Joseph!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
490 -BC- Phidippides runs 1st marathon, seeking aid from Sparta vs Persia 
31 -BC- Battle of Actium; Octavian defeats Antony, becomes Emp Augustus 
1666 Great Fire of London starts; destroys St Paul's Church 
1806 A side of Rossberg Peak collapses into Goldau Valley Switz, kills 500 
1901 VP Theodore Roosevelt advises, "Speak softly & carry a big stick" 
1930 1st non-stop airplane flight from Europe to US (37 hrs)
1935 A hurricane slams the Florida Keys killing 423
1936 1st transatlantic round-trip air flight 
1944 During WW II, George Bush ejects from a burning plane 
1945 Ho Chi Minh declares Vietnam independence from France
1945 V-J Day; formal surrender of Japan aboard USS Missouri
1949 Fire in riverfront area kills 1,700 (Chungking China)
1978 John McClain performs 180 outside loops in an airplane over Houston 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you'll see why. --- Mignon McLaughlin If you want to see what children can do, you must stop giving them things. -- Norman Douglas If you haven't seen your wife smile at a traffic cop, you haven't seen her smile her prettiest. --- Kin Hubbard
The children were lined up in the cafeteria of a Catholic elementary school for lunch. At the head of the table was a large pile of apples. The nun made a note, and posted on the apple tray, "Take only one. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. One child whispered to another, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
A little boy was given a five dollar bill to put in the collection plate. When the offering came around, he wouldn't put it in. But after the end of the service, when he went to shake the pastor's hand, he pulled out the five dollar bill and gave it to the pastor. The pastor asked him, "Why are you giving me this money? Why didn't you put it in the offering plate?" And the boy answered, "Because my mommy told me you're the poorest pastor we've ever had!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Trevaun Brooks, 29, Mount Clemens, Mich. Jailed After Having Sex With Girlfriends 11-Year-Old Daughter, Impregnating Her Trevaun Brooks, a 29-year-old Michigan man pleaded guilty Tuesday after he sexually assaulted his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter who became pregnant as a result. Prosecutors say Brooks was scheduled to go on trial Tuesday when he waved trial proceedings and entered a guilty plea instead. Brooks was convicted on one count of first-degree criminal conduct and two counts of second-degree criminal sexual conduct. Investigators say Brooks had sexual intercourse with his girlfriend's 11-year-old daughter last year when lived with the girl and her mother at their Mount Clemens home. The girl became pregnant and delivered a baby in August.
Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta Re: Modify back-up bat Dear Webby, That back-up bat is so simple and elgant, and FAST! I can't believe it is not in common usage! Can I use it to back up part of a folder to one destination, for example e:\JPG and part to D:\PPS ? Thanks Aletta Dear Aletta Yes, sure you can! You can even get fancy! @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.jpg e:\JPG xcopy /S /D /Q c:\!down\*.pps d:\PPS dir e:\JPG /b > c:\JPGlist.txt dir d:\PPS > c:\PPSlist.txt time /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt date /T >> c:\BackupLog.txt echo JPG and PPS backed up, echo JPGlist.txt and PPSlist.txt updated PAUSE That's it! When you send the output of a command, for example the directory listing, to a file, > replaces the old file >> adds to it. In the JPGlist.txt you don't care what was in there yesterday, you just want to know what is in there alltogether, so you simply replace the old list. With the log, there you want to see when the previous backups were done, especially if other people are using the machine and you demand that they do regular back-ups. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheap Shower Caps for Food Covers This may sound like a silly tip, but this proved to be very handy when we were camping with friends once, and I found that it works equally well at home. There are times when you need to cover a dish with food in it and just do not have the proper size lid, or a way to hold a cover on it easily. Here is a solution. Go to a dollar or similar type store, and find a package of thin plastic hair caps, used when dying hair. You will find that these will stretch over a large area when necessary, or if you need to use toothpicks to keep them up off of a frosted cake, they are light enough to do that without pressing down. They will fit over so many odd shaped things, even things with handles, and slip down over the handle, closing the area against the body of the container. We now go to a supply store for beauty shops, which we are told are quite common in any area, and get larger packs of them, and of course they are reusable, contrary to the plastic you rip off the roll and try to make stay on something. Just swish them around in sudsy water, same with rinse water, and lay over a hanging towel or use a clothespin to hang up to dry. by Loretta from Theodore, AL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Top Marks this week go to the government agency in Scunthorpe, England, who updated their email system to use Mail Sweeper For SMTP which did it's job brilliantly and filtered out any emails containing profanity or obscene language of ANY kind. All was fine, till they realised that no-one whatsoever had got ANY emails during the whole week since they installed the sofware... They checked through everything and couldn't find a problem, until one bright spark pointed out that all their email addresses contained '@scunthorpe.gov.uk', which in turn contains a term of endearment that apparently many Britons reserve for Government employees.
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". ------------ Can't blame him one bit. If I could afford one, I would buy a Dodge Ram today.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From 1960: How hot is it? The birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of the ground. The trees are whistling for the dogs. The best parking place is determined by shade instead of distance. Hot water now comes out of both taps. You can make sun tea instantly. You learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good branding iron. The temperature drops below 95 and you feel a little chilly. You discover that in August it only takes 2 fingers to steer your car. You discover that you can get sunburned through your car window. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. You break into a sweat the instant you step outside at 7:30 a.m. Your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?" You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. The potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do is pull one out and add butter, salt and pepper. Farmers are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep them from laying boiled eggs. The cows are giving evaporated milk. I am glad it doesn't get quite THAT hot any more!
» Critters Galore


[ view entry ] ( 241 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 256 )
Back-up bat with log 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 1

Thank you Joseph!

Today the sun set at exactly 8 PM.
At 7 PM I got a great deal on a couple bobs of corn.
On my walk I went by a fruit stand, mostly just to look
at their prices. The prices were pretty good, and a few 
people were standing in line for fruit.

The corn was labelled "2 for 50 cents". For here in range
cattle country above prairies with a few thousand miles of 
wheat, corn is usually two for a dollar.

One woman there was commenting that she uses an electric
knife to shave the kernels off the cob. The old, retired farm 
hand, who was selling the stuff, must have gotten cranky 
from standing there all day, and blew up on that. He called 
her a dumb cluck, and told her that for yuppies like her, corn
came in a can, and that the reason for buying corn on the cob
was to get the full flavor, that you ONLY get, when you 
gnaw it off a cob.

I agreed, and said, "Yes, with REAL butter and some salt and 
pepper, and if your lips are not burning and your nose does 
not run when you are finished, then your corn was as stale
as if it had come in a can."

The old guy just lit up and grinned, grabbed two cobs of corn
and handed them to me. "These have your name on it. Enjoy
them on me!"

I gratefully accepted them and spent my coins on red plums
at 49 cents per pound, and I noticed, the woman with the 
electric carving knife, bought half a dozen cobs of corn to 
see if she could get the.hot-lips effect.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
312 -BC- Origin of Greek Era-Start of Indiction of Constantinople 
69 Traditional date of the destruction of Jerusalem 
891 Northmen defeated near Louvaine, France
1267 Ramban (Nachmanides) arrives in Jerusalem to start 
   Jewish community
1614 Vincent Fettmich expells Jews from Frankfurt, Germany
1661 1st Yacht race, England's King Charles vs his brother James
1666 Great London Fire begins in Pudding Lane. 
   80% of London is destroyed
1739 35 Jews sentenced to life in prison in Lisbon Portugal 
1799 Bank of Manhattan Company opens in NYC (forerunner to 
   Chase Manhattan) 
1874 Sydney General Post Office opens in Australia
1878 1st female telephone operator starts work (Emma Nutt, Boston) 
1905 Alberta & Saskatchewan become 8th & 9th Canadian provinces 
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1918 US troops land in Vladivostok, Siberia, stay until 1920
1945 Japan surrenders ending WW II
1948 Communists form North China People's Republic
1961 USSR tests nuclear bombs in central Asia
1962 10,000 die in an earthquake in western Iran
1962 UN announces Earth population has hit 3 billion
1969 Libyan revolution, Col Moammar Gadhafi deposes King Idris 
1982 Palestinian Liberation Organization leaves Lebanon
1983 Korean Boeing 747 strays into Siberia & is shot down by a Soviet jet 
1985 US-French expedition locates wreckage of Titanic off Newfoundland 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "Honor thy father and thy mother," she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered,"Thou shall not kill."
While working as an airline customer-service agent, I got a call from a woman who wanted to know if she could take her dog on board. I told her the dog was welcome, as long as she paid a $50 charge and provided her own kennel. I further explained that the kennel needed to be large enough for the dog to stand up, sit down, turn around and roll over. "I'll never be able to teach him all that by tomorrow!" she said, and hung up.
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

A few readers told me that the bright flashes in yesterday's picture were actually towns, mostly in Florida. Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Brenda White, 36, in Salt lake City, Utah Brenda White - Pleaded Guilty To Chasing Husband With Truck, Running Him Down Twice Brenda White, a 36-year-old Utah woman pleaded guilty Monday after she allegedly chased her husband with her SUV, plowed through an office building's front doors and struck her husband, twice. According to police, White drove to her estranged husband's workplace in April, 2006 to discuss signing refinance papers on their house when the couple had a disagreement over the paperwork. That's when White allegedly told her husband that she was going to "wipe him off the earth" before storming back to her truck. White returned to her husband's work about 4 hours later, revved the truck's engine and then sped after her husband as he attempted to flee on foot. When the man fled into a nearby office building, White chased him and crashed through the building's front doors. White struck her husband with the truck, tossing him 10 feet across the room. When the victim got to his feet and tried to flee again, White struck him a second time with the truck. The man reportedly suffered a broken leg and received more than 60 stitches to his arms, legs and face. White was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and criminal mischief. In court, White's attorneys argued that she was suffering from "extreme emotional distress" and had taken too much Xanax prior to the attack. The couple were in the midst of a divorce that apparently wasn't going well. The husband testified that his wife came to his work place during lunch and played the song "Angry Johnny" by the singer and songwriter Poe. The song includes lyrics that say "I wanna kill you, I wanna blow you away." White would then make a gun gesture with her hand and point it at his head, according to the victim's testimony. The week-long trial ended in an abrupt mistrial August 10 when several jurors were heard discussing the case in an elevator outside the courtroom. Jurors were instructed to refrain from discussing the case during the trial proceedings. Prosecutors were poised to continue the case during a scheduling conference on Monday when White entered a guilty plea instead. The judge accepted the plea and concluded the case. White is scheduled to be sentenced on January 8, 2013 for her 2006 crime.. Seems to me the Utah judiciary needs to get a Bonehead Award too!
Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: Back Up bat with log Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, when you were a harried mobile tech, occasionally sprinting through our offices with a computer and your tool case under your arms, or a quarter-ton IBM 3810 laser printer on your shoulder, fixing not just hardware, but anything from bimbo-malfunctions to Word Perfect macros, you wrote me a back-up bat. I transfered it to every new machine I got and it worked fine from DOS 3 to Windows XP. Unfortunately, a little guy with a big mouth did not shut up, when he should have, and needed a tune-up, causing me to have to spend time at the Government Resort up the hill. At my new job we use W7, yuck! and of course it does not have your back-up bat, that I had carefully transferred from one machine to the next. Can you pretty please write me a new one just like that one, with a log of backaup dates? Thanks Rosie Dear Rosie We sure had fun in those days! OK, here is your old bat, as far as I remember it: @echo off color 9E xcopy /S /D /Q c:\docs e:\docs time /T >> c:\t.txt date /T >> c:\t.txt echo Rosie's back-up bat has done it again! >> c:\t.txt type c:\t.txt pause Here is an explanation what each line does: @echo off stops it from echoing the commands to the screen color 9E changes the screen color from grey text on black to bright yellow text on blue xcopy.... copies only those files and folders that are newer at the source than at the destination time /T >> c:\t.txt puts the time into the t.txt log date /T >> c:\t.txt writes the date in there echo Rosie's ... writes a line of text as a break between groups of date and time, so that it's clear to which date the time belongs. type c:\txt writes the log to the screen pause pauses everything to let you see the log and asks for a key press Anybody new to bats: Write the bat with a plain text editor and save it as b.bat , not b.bat.txt, but as b.bat Then make a shortcut to it and drag the shortcut icon to the desktop. Change the icon to a fun and recognizable one. Whenever you hit that icon, a fast back-up will happen, but only of those files in c:\docs, that are newer than the ones in e:\docs It does not waste time on files, that have already been backed up and have the same date and time in both locations. You can, of course, change the source and destination locations to what YOU need backed up. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Water Plants With Leftover Tea Don't throw out your leftover tea. Instead feed it to you indoor or outdoor plants for an extra boost. Use brewed unsweetened tea only. By Ivy from Rancho Palos Verdes Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The child was a typical four-year-old girl - cute, inquisitive, bright as a new penny. When she expressed difficulty in grasping the concept of marriage, her father decided to pull out his wedding photo album, thinking visual images would help. One page after another, he pointed out the smiling bride arriving at the church, the happily laughing bride at the entrance, the wedding ceremony, the recessional, the reception, etc. "Now do you understand?" he asked. "I think so," she said, "it's like halloween, right, but backwards. Mommy put on a nice disguise and had a pretty woman's face painted on top of hers, so that you would not see how scarey she really is. "
"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was the day of the big sale. Rumors of the sale and some on-line advertising were the main reason for the long line that formed by 8:30, the store's opening time, in front of the store. A small man pushed his way to the front of the line, only to be pushed back, amid loud and colorful curses. On the man's second attempt, he was punched square in the jaw, and knocked around a bit, and then thrown to the end of the line again. As he got up again, he said to the person at the end of the line: "That does it! If they hit me one more time, I won't open the store!"
» Camp Fire Songs


[ view entry ] ( 162 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 224 )
Who owns the Windows you paid for? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 31
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



There was a beautiful full moon during tonigh't walk. At the
start of it it was just over the horizon, and almost  a 
daylight moon, by the end it was well up in the already 
dark sky.over the prairies. The prairie sky was still clear,
using up billions of cubic feet of CO2 to grow and matur 
grain. The Gullible Warming wackos should be paying us 
for getting rid of their CO2!

However, any increase in the CO2 is very welcome by the 
farmers. For them, CO2 is wheat fuel, corn fuel, soy fuel,
tomato fuel. Whenever they hear about some volcano cranking
up the CO2, they are grinning! Well, if nobody watches too 
closely. When town folk watch them, they complain about 
not enough rain or too much rain or too high combine 
mortgage payments.

For prairie farmers, a good volcano can make the difference 
between breaking even or not. 

When visiting the prairies it is safest to drive a big Dodge 
RAM 3500 4x4 with a Cummins 6.7 Liter Turbo Diesel, 
definitely not some little import, that doesn't pay it's way 
in CO2, and that they might back over accidentally.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1535 Pope Paul II deposed & excommunicated King Henry VIII
1902 Split skirt 1st worn by Mrs Adolph Landeburg (horse rider) 
1907 England, Russia & France form the Triple Entente 
1919 Communist Labor Party of America formed in Chicago 
1954 Hurricane Carol (1st major named storm) hits New England, 70 die 
1955 1st microwave TV station operated (Lufkin, Tx)
1955 1st sun-powered automobile demonstrated, Chicago, Ill 
1977 Aleksandr Fedotov sets aircraft alt rec of 38.26 km (125,524') 
1978 Symbionese Liberation Army founders William & Emily Harris 
plead guilty to 1974 kidnapping of newspaper heiress Patricia Hearst 
1988 5-day power blackout of downtown Seattle begins 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Hemingway I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown. --- Woody Allen
>From Diana I had just moved into a new apartment and was having prob- lems with the mailman, who was delivering the previous tenant's mail to my address. Hoping to resolve the situation, I enlarged my name on the mailbox, but he still kept giving me the wrong letters. Finally, I left a note saying that he was delivering the mail incorrectly. The next day I went to the box to find this addition to my message: "Madam,, I am delivering the mail correctly. You're just living at the wrong address."
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Isaac-at-night-08-29-2012 The bright spots are lighning. The rest is just lit by the moon. It is a time exposure, probably a minute long.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Edward Valdez, 45, Sacramento. California Jailed After Fleeing Police On Go-Cart Edward Valdez, a 45-year-old parolee-at-large was jailed after he allegedly led police on a low-speed chase while driving a go-cart. According to police, an officer tried to stop Valdez after observing him on a go-cart driving "recklessly." Investigators say Valdez fled from the officer using the go-cart, reaching speeds of up to 25 mph. Valdez then jumped from the go-cart, ran across a backyard and into a home. Officers located Valdez inside the home and took him into custody without further incident. Valdez was booked into jail and charged with evading arrest and resisting police. According to some people, sitting in a parked Go-Cart is reckless, and not letting a deputy take it for a spin is even more reckless. Dumb move, when the guy is on parole!
Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: Chess.dll Dear Webby, While trying to defrag my C: drive, I came across some stuff, that I don't need or want. For example, "Wild Tangent." I remember years ago you wrote that "Wild Tangent" was spyware. So I dumped that. Then I found C:\Program Files\Microsoft Games\Chess I have never played chess and don't even know anybody, who does. When I tried deleting that folder, I was not allowed. Is that some virus hiding in there? Alex Dear Alex You paid for Windows 7, but you failed to read the small print. In there it says you just have the right to use W7 on an "As Is" basis, as long as you are a good boy/girl/otherwise and behave nicely in the eyes of Microsoft. It does not tell you, that you OWN what you bought. You just bought permission to use some parts of what you paid for. It is as if you hired a sexy maid and signed a two year contract without reading the small print, and later found out that she does not do ironing or bedroom chores. You agreed and signed. Tough. Like that Chess folder, there are various places, where you arenot allowed to delete stuff. Wild Tangent you can get rid off, no problem. That is just spyware. But whatever else, that has not been defragmented, is off limits to you. Don't worry about those. Since you don't use them, those fragments are of absulutely no consequence. Just get rid of stuff like that "Wild Tangent", and don't worry about the rest. You can NEVER get the C: drive completely defragmented, because PageFileSys fragments every time you touch the mouse, and the cache files are just as bad. Run the defragmenter now and then, and leave plenty of space on the C: drive, but don't get an ulcer about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Christmas Decorations in Santa Sacks Each year I store away all my decorations in Santa sacks that have a drawstring top. When Christmas rolls around again I get the bags down from the storage rack in garage. There is no dust and everything is just where I left it. By Melinda B from Melbourne, Australia Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dining out one evening I noticed some teenagers celebrating at a nearby table. When one girl pulled out a camera, I offered to take a picture of the group. After one photo I suggested taking another just in case the first one didn't turn out. "That's ok," she said as she took her camera back. "I always get double prints."
My friend David's colleague at a package-processing center was trapped in a small rest room by a faulty lock. When he was finally discovered, David and another worker were able to open the door with some difficulty. The lock was still jammed, so they blocked the door open while a maintenance worker was called. A bit later, David noticed the door was closed again. He jiggled the doorknob and a voice from inside called, "Get me out!" "Don't worry," David replied, "Maintenance should be sending somebody." "They did," said the voice.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Kati for this story: To preface this joke: They started "Dumb Blonde jokes" so brunettes & redheads could understand them. I urgently needed a few days off work, but I knew the boss would not allow me to take a leave. I thought that maybe if I acted "CRAZY" then he would tell me to take a few days off. So I hung upside down on the ceiling and made funny noises. My co-worker (who's blonde) asked me what I was doing? I told her that I was pretending to be a light bulb so that the boss would think I was "CRAZY" and give me a few days off. A few minutes later the boss came into the office and asked "What are you doing?" I told him I was a light bulb. He said "You are clearly stressed out. Go home and recuperate for a couple of days." I jumped down and walked out of the office. When my co-worker (the blonde) followed me, the boss yelled after her: "...And where do you think you're going?" She said, "I'm going home too, I can't work in the dark!"
» Blue Moon


[ view entry ] ( 239 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 247 )
Air Defense 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 30

Thank you John!

I noticed last week that Ophelia had made her monthly trip 
to Costco for medication, and grazing the samples. 
Today it was my turn. I too find Costco a great deal.
Theoretically it is just for business people, but normally 
they don't check if  Consulting is a real 
company or not. If they do in your area, get a $50 company
check from a friend, who has a company, and use that to 
get your card, with YOUR name and picture on the back.

Once you have a  card, you can invite friends to come along,
and charge them $5 per trip, until your card has been paid
for. You will make your money back quite quickly with the
stuff you buy, but cash from friend's trips is easier to keep
track of.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
31 -BC- Origin of Era of Augustus 
1645 Dutch & Indians sign peace treaty]\
1885 13,000 meteors seen in 1 hour near Andromeda
1888 Lord Walsingham kills 1070 grouse in a single day
1941 Siege of Leningrad by Nazi troops began during WW II 
1945 Hong Kong liberated from Japan
1979 1st recorded occurrence-comet hits sun 
      (energy=1 mil hydrogen bombs) 
1979 Pres Carter attacked by a rabbit on a canoe trip in Plains Ga
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self-confidence. --- Robert Frost No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded. --- Yogi Berra
"Doctor!" whined the patient. "I keep seeing spots before my eyes." The physician scratched his head, "Why have you come to me? Have you seen an opthalmologist?" "No," replied the patient, "just spots."
An editor at CNN was busy slaving away at spicing up the copy that came in from reporters, so that there was adequate blood and gore to attract viewers, and enough anti-Republican slant to satisfy the union, when a suit walked in and threw a folder on his desk with the remark: "Today, three Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident." "Oh no!" exclaimed the editor, "that's terrible!" People at nearby desks sat stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the editor sat, head in hands. Finally, the editor looked up and asked, "How many is a Brazillion?!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Daniel Hooper, 42, Saint Louis, Missouri Kidnapping Wheelchair-Bound Woman From Hospital, Sexually Assaulting Her Daniel Hooper, a 42-year-old St. Louis man was jailed after he allegedly kidnapped a wheelchair-bound woman from a local hospital, then sexually assaulted her. According to St. Louis Metropolitan Police, the victim was sitting in her wheelchair at Barnes-Jewish Hospital when Hooper reportedly pushed her outside of the hospital without her permission and proceeded to grope her breasts and genitals. The victim was unable to defend herself due to her medical condition. Investigators say Hooper is not employed with Barnes-Jewish Hospital. According to court records, he has a lengthy criminal past, including past convictions of second-degree assault, burglary, theft, and discharge of a weapon, among other charges. Neither prosecutors nor hospital officials will say how he managed to get the woman past security. No one is saying how Hooper was caught. Hooper was booked into jail and charged with two felony counts of sexual abuse and one count of kidnapping.
Tech Support Pits: From: Bess Re: Facebook Friends Dear Webby, I agree 100 % about what you wrote about FaceBook. The number of FB "frieds" is totally meaningless, since none of them would lift a finger or give you a penny, if you got in trouble and needed help. Strangers always cheerfully accept friend requests, it's jealous relatives you got to watch out for. Somebody suggested making a list of who you sent friend requests to, to find out who is backstabbing you, but why bother? It makes no damn diference anyway. I have not been on FaceBook for two months, and what have I got to show for that? A very nice tan all over, front and back, and every spice jar in all of my spice racks washed and sparkling clean. Bess Dear Bess Good for you! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Photos When Traveling My daughter's hobby is photography. On a recent vacation out west, she used the following tip to keep track of her photos. As we entered a new state, she would do one of the following: Take a picture of the "Welcome to" state sign. Take a picture of the road map for that state. Or use sign language to indicate the initial of the state and take a picture of her hand. For example, she would make a signed "M" when we entered Montana and take a picture of that. Then she would know what state the next photos belonged in for her album. Source: My daughter's idea By skeesics56 from NW Ohio Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

For Air Defense artillerymen, the Annual Service Practice is an important event as it's the only time they're permitted to fire live missiles. It draws not only the inspectors, but also several dignitaries. As the safety officer during one such event, I was in the control tower along with our executive officer. The exec was explaining the day's activities by the public-address system to visitors who were in a safe viewing area. Suddenly, on the firing line, a soldier lit up a cigarette. Before I can react, the exec grabbed the microphone and shouted, "PUT OUT THAT F@#$%& CIGARETTE!" Two generals, a Congressman, and the local mayor obediently responded.
One day at a trial, an eminent psychologist was called to testify. A severe no nonsense professional, she sat down in the witness chair unaware that it's rear legs were set precariously on the back of the raised platform. "Will you state your name?" asked the district attorney. Tilting back in her chair, she opened her mouth to answer, but instead catapulted head-over-heels backward and landed in a stack of exhibits and recording equipment. Everyone watched in stunned silence as she extricated herself, rearranged her disheveled dress and hair and was reseated on the witness stand. The glare she directed at onlookers dared anyone to so much as smirk. "Well, doctor," continued the district attorney without changing expression, "we could start with an easier question."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There were two beggars sitting side by side on a street in Mexico City. One had a Christian cross in front of him, the other one the Star of David. Many people went by, looked at both beggars, but only put money into the hat of the one sitting behind the cross. A priest came by, stopped, and watched many, many people give money to the beggar behind the cross, but not to the beggar behind the Star of David. Finally he went over to the beggar behind the Star of David and said, "Don't you understand? This is a Catholic country. People aren't going to give you money if you sit there with a Star of David in front of you, especially when you're sitting beside a beggar who has a cross." The Star of David beggar listened to the priest and, turning to the Christian cross beggar, said: "Moishe, ... look who's trying to teach marketing to the Goldbaum brothers!"
» Hyacinth Macaw


[ view entry ] ( 199 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 257 )
Blocked on FaceBook 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 29

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
5502 -BC- Origin of Alexandrian Era 
29 John the Baptist beheaded
284 Origin of Era of Diocletian (Martyrs)
1526 Hungary conquered by Turks in Battle of Mohacs
1708 Haverhill, Mass destroyed by French & Indians
1758 1st indian reservation established 
1844 1st white-indian lacrosse game in Montreal, Indians win 
1854 Self-governing windmill patented (Daniel Halladay) 
1885 Gottlieb Daimler receives German patent for a motorcycle 
1896 Chop suey invented in NYC by chef of visiting Chinese Ambassador 
1929 German airship Graf Zeppelin ends a round-the-world flight 
1939 Chaim Weizmann informs England that Palestine Jews will fight on 
  England's side in WW II, causing Hitler to become a fanatic Jew hater. 
1944 15,000 American troops liberating Paris march down Champs Elysees
1949 USSR explodes its 1st atomic bomb 
1953 USSR explodes its 1st hydrogen bomb
1970 Black Panthers confront cops in Phila (1 cop killed) 
1990 Saddam Hussein declares America can't beat Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old because you stop laughing. --- Michael Pritchard Few things are more satisfying than seeing your own children have teenagers of their own. --- Doug Larson
The bride was anything but a tidy housekeeper. It didn't bother her much until one evening when her husband called from the hall, somewhat dismayed: "Honey, what happened to the dust on this table? I had a very important phone number written on it."
The bride-to-be was advised by the marriage counselor to never completely disrobe in front of her husband when retiring, for decorum's sake. One night, six weeks after the wedding, the husband said to his bride, "Is there any insanity in your family?" "Why, no," she said. "Why do you ask?" "I was merely wondering," said he, "why you haven't taken your hat off since we've been married?"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Nana for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Joshua Basso32, Dover, Floriduh Slow Learner - Charged With Calling 911, Requesting Female Deputy To Have Sex With, again Joshua Basso, a 32-year-old Florida man was jailed Friday after he allegedly called 911 seven times, asking to have sex with a female deputy. According to the Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office, Basso called 911 seven times over a two-day period and requested a female deputy that he could have sex with. Deputies finally drove out to Basso's home where he allegedly admitted to placing the calls. He was placed into custody and charged with seven counts of making false 911 calls. Basso looks familiar, doesn't he? He got a Bonehead award for the same thing in 2009 That time he claimed,his phone was out of minutes, and only 911 was free. Basso has a long list of other offenses, that he has been arrested for. Those arrests included charges of grand theft auto, drug possession, trespassing, domestic violence, battery, burglary and several other repeat offenses. Seems to be homesick for jail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: Facebook friendling block Dear Webby, I got blocked by Facebook andcan't send Friend requests for two weeks. Yes, I know, Zuckerberg is an AOLer at heart and allergic against accountability, and won't admit to who claimed I spammed them with friend requests. To add insult to injury, one has to listen to some Jewish Princess sniveling about sending friend requests to people I don't know. I don't send friend requests to just anybody, but if I sorta recognize somebody, and see they have 80, 90, or more friends in common with me, then I send them a Friend Request. And whensomebody sends me a Friend Request, or a recommendation to add them, then of course I add them. Is there anything I can do to getout of that block? Anita Dear Anita Everybody gets put into that silly block now and then. Don't worry about it. So what? That might gain you some time, that you can put to productive use. Probably your Mother-In-Law was jealous that you have five times as many Facebook "friends" as she does, sent you a recommendation to add her, recommended by herself, and when you did, you got slapped with the block and had to listen to the sniveler, before you were allowed in to just look around. Be careful about those recommendations! Quite often they lead to traps. Also be extremely careful when somebody nags you about adding them. Also try to read their comments. If they mention going to jail or on vacation, don't send a Friend Request. Ignored requests cause you to getblocked. Above all, though, don't take it personally. It's just a sandbox run by widdle goilies who encourage silly power trips and don't allow accountability. Until the time that they DO admit to who complained about you, you can't take it seriously. Just some silly goilie, who is jealous over how many "friends" you have, is powertripping. So what? Why not doing something productive instead? Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Your Leaves As Winter Mulch Have you mulched your leaves yet? After spending years raking up those fall leaves, I got pretty tired of having a second set of leaves fall from the Oak trees. I decided to make short work of the job by using my mulch mower and ran the mower over the leaves, which mulched them all and enriched my lawn happily at the same time. The lawn may not be as neat and tidy, but it sure will be happy having all that extra fertilizer on it, and it will be even happier next spring, and so too will you! Go mulch those leaves! Source: Gardeners around the globe By Kghornsten from Davis, CA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Thanks to Dorothy from http://akwildlife.com/ for The Miracle Toddler Diet People are always on the lookout for a new diet. The trouble with most diets is that you don't get enough to eat (the starvation diet), you don't get enough variation (the liquid diet) or you go broke (the all-meat diet). Consequently, people tend to cheat of their diets, or quit after 3 days. Well, now there's the new Toddler Miracle Diet. Over the years you may have noticed that most two year olds are trim. Now the formula to their success is available to all in this new diet. You may want to consult your doctor before embarking on this diet, otherwise, you may be seeing him afterwards. Good Luck !!! DAY ONE Breakfast: One scrambled egg, one piece of toast with grape jelly. Eat 2 bites of egg, using your fingers; dump the rest on the floor. Take 1 bite of toast, then smear the jelly over your face and clothes. Lunch: Four crayons (any color), a handful of potato chips, and a glass of milk (3 sips only, then spill the rest). Dinner: A dry stick, two pennies and a nickel, 4 sips of flat Pepsi. Bedtime snack: Throw a piece of toast on the kitchen floor. DAY TWO Breakfast: Pick up stale toast from kitchen floor and eat it. Drink half bottle of vanilla extract or one vial of vegetable dye. Lunch: Eat a half tube of "Pulsating Pink" lipstick and a handful of Purina Dog Chow (any flavor). One ice cube, if desired. Afternoon snack: Lick an all-day sucker until sticky, take outside, drop in dirt. Retrieve and continue slurping until it is clean again. Then bring inside and drop on rug. Dinner: A rock or an uncooked bean, which should be thrust up your left nostril. Pour Grape Kool-Aid over mashed potatoes; eat with spoon. DAY THREE Breakfast: Two pancakes with plenty of syrup, eat one with fingers, rub in hair. Glass of milk; drink half, stuff other pancake in glass. After breakfast, pick up yesterdays sucker from rug, lick off fuzz, put it on the cushion of best chair. Lunch: Three matches, peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Spit several bites onto the floor. Pour glass of milk on table and slurp up. Dinner: Dish of ice cream, handful of potato chips, some red punch. Try to laugh some punch through your nose, if possible. FINAL DAY Breakfast: A quarter tube of toothpaste (any flavor), bit of soap, an olive. Pour a glass of milk over bowl of cornflakes, add half a cup of sugar. Once cereal is soggy, drink milk and feed cereal to dog. Lunch: Eat bread crumbs off kitchen floor and dining room carpet. Find that sucker and finish eating it. Dinner: A glass of spaghetti and chocolate milk. Leave meatball on plate. Stick of mascara for dessert. Margaret was really peeved! She was arguing with the druggist because her favorite cure-all could not be bought without a prescription. "Look, lady. You can't have this without a prescription because it's a habit-forming drug." "IT IS NOT!" yelled Margaret! "I ought to know...I've been taking it regularly for seventeen years!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The tall, handsome, confident gentleman walked over to the girl and made a disparaging remark about the men who had been chatting her up. She laughed gaily, "When I don't want a man's attentions," she confided, "and he asks where I live, I just say, 'I'm visiting here'." "Ha-ha," he laughed, relishing her humor. "Where do you really live?" "I'm just visiting here."
» Fiber Arts


[ view entry ] ( 183 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 442 )
Weekly Hotmail problems 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 28

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1776 Battle of Long Island 
1867 US occupies Midway Islands in the Pacific 
1916 Italy declares war against Germany during WW I 
1963 Evergreen Point Floating Bridge connecting Seattle & Bellevue
1964 Race riot in Philadelphia
1968 Police & anti-war demonstrators clash at Chicago's Dem Natl Conven
1986 US Navy officer Jerry A Whitworth sentenced to 365 years for spying 
1988 70 killed in crash of 3 Italian AF fighters at air show in Germany
1990 Iraq declares Kuwait its 19th province 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The men who really believe in themselves are all in lunatic asylums. --- G. K. Chesterton
Negotiations between union members and their employer were at an impasse. The union denied that their workers were flagrantly abusing their contract's sick-leave provisions. One morning at the bargaining table, the company's chief negotiator held aloft the morning edition of the newspaper, "This man," he announced, "called in sick yesterday!" There on the sports page, was a photo of the supposedly ill employee, who had just won a local golf tournament with an excellent score. The silence in the room was broken by a union negotiator. "Wow," he said. "Think of what kind of score he could have had if he hadn't been sick!"
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel operating the boat. Still, he was concerned about what might happen in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his wife, "Honey, take the wheel... Pretend that I am having a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and dock it." So she drove the boat to shore and safely docked it. Later that evening, the wife walked into the livingroom where her husband was reading a novel. She sat down next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him, "Honey, go into the kitchen. Pretend I'm having a heart attack and set the table, cook dinner, wash the dishes and do the ironing."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Antonio Martinez, Spring Hill, Floriduh Floriduh male got ex- girlfriend jailed after beating her because she refused to have sex with him A 23-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Saturday after her ex-boyfriend claimed she attacked him when she refused to have sex with him. According to the Hernando County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to the pair's residence after receiving a domestic violence complaint. Antonio Martinez and the victim are no longer a couple, but they continue to reside together in the same residence. Investigators say deputies spoke with the woman, who stated that she and her ex-boyfriend got into a verbal confrontation after she refused to be intimate with him. That's when he claimed, she allegedly attacked the poor innocent Antonio Martinez, repeatedly striking him in the back. She claimed that her ex-boyfriend hit her in the face and attempted to choke her, however, deputies were unable to find any injuries to substantiate her allegation, even though they took pictures of her busted lip. The woman was booked into the Hernando County Jail and charged with domestic battery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, I have a couple questions for you. You mentioned a while back how to change a line into a hyperlink by doing F2+enter? I've tried that and can't get it to work. I tried highlighting, etc. I guess I read you wrong somewhere. The other one is a problem with my homail getting highjacked every Monday afternoon. I have McAfee and have scanned with that and Windows Defender and can't find anything wrong with my pc. Yet, for the third Monday my hotmail account got hacked and I have to go through security questions and change my password to get back into the account. I can't think of anything I did that was unusual or could caused the account to get compromised while I was sitting at the pc this afternoon. Do you think there is a virus on my pc or could it be something else? What do you suggest I do? Thanks, Chuck Dear Chuck You have to be in Excel for that. In Excel, type a proper URL, like for example http://webby.com/humor If it does not underline when you hit ENTER, go to a different cell and then back to it, hit F2 to open it for editing, and THEN hit Enter You have to be in Excel for that to work. Or in Eudora, of course. In Eudora that has worked for 20 years now. Re Hoe'mail malfunctions, there is absolutely nothing you can do about that. It seems, Microsoft does not want you to use it any more, and they are going to be a real nuisance until you smarten up and get some different email addresses. It is not just you. On Weekends the mail to thousands of HoeMail users bounces. You can use the email offered free by your ISP, and use the email program of your choice. Take your pick: Comparison_of_e-mail_clients Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mix Nail Polish Colors for a Custom Look Are you almost out of your favorite color of nail polish and can't afford to buy more this week? Then just get 2 bottles of different colors you have already, and mix them together to make a new color. Don't add any polish remover to it though, it will ruin it. I do this when I get low on polish, and it works fine. Try it. By Laurie from Oregon Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

The suave Central American diplomat was talking to the prim and proper Washington hostess. "In my country," he said, "the most popular of all activities is making love." Shocked, the wide eyed hostess said, "Oh! Isn't that revolting?" "No," the diplomat replied, "that's our second favorite activity."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Taking advantage of a balmy day in New York, a priest and three other men of the cloth swapped their clerical garb for polos and khakis and time out on the golf course. After several really horrible shots, their caddy asked, "You guys wouldn't be priests by any chance?" "Actually, yes, we are," one cleric replied. "How did you know?" "Easy," said the caddy, "I've never seen such bad golf and such clean language!"
» Fiber Arts


[ view entry ] ( 232 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 452 )
How to copy without Windows blocking it? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 27

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
26 -BC- Origin of Egyptian Era
1665 "Ye Bare & Ye Cubb" is 1st play performed in N America 
   (Acomac, Va) 
1667 Earliest recorded hurricane in US (Jamestown Virginia)
1776 British defeat Americans in Battle of Long Island
1783 1st hydrogen balloon flight (unmanned); reaches 900 m altitude 
1789 French Natl Assembly issues "Decl of the Rights of Man & the Citizen"
1859 1st successful oil well drilled, near Titusville, Penn
1883 Krakatoa, west of Java, explodes with a force of 1,300 megatons 
  After that the sun was not visible for a year for most of the earth.
  Very poor growing season, but no lasting effect on the climate.
1939 Erich Warsitz makes 1st jet-propelled flight (in a Heinkel He-178) 
1945 US troops land in Japan after Japanese surrender 
1962 Mariner 2 launched; 1st probe to fly by Venus
1966 Race riot in Waukegan Illinois
1990 52 Americans arrive in Turkey from Iraq 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan Two paradoxes are better than one; they may even suggest a solution. --- Edward Teller There are two kinds of light-- the glow that illuminates, and the glare that obscures. --- James Thurber "You know, I really don't think I need buns of steel. I'd be happy with buns of cinnamon." --- Ellen DeGeneres
A group of senior citizens were exchanging notes about their ailments. "My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup." "Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour the coffee." "I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck." "My blood pressure pills make my dizzy." "I guess that's the price we pay for getting old." "Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can still drive!"
Little was eating breakfast one morning and got to thinking about things. "Mommy, mommy, why has daddy got so few hairs on his head?" asked his mother. "He thinks a lot," replied his mother, pleased with herself for coming up with a good answer to her husband's baldness. Or she was until thought for a second and asked, "I'm glad you don't do any thinking. You would look silly without hair."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version See the flower cradled in the petrified arms? Click on the picture for the large version The arms turn into rock as hard as granite, but carry live nerve bundles and arteries in the center.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Charlie Rogers, 33, in Lincoln, Nebrska Lesbian Charged With Cutting Anti-Gay Slurs Into Her Own Flesh, Reporting It As a Hate Crime Charlie Rogers, a 33-year-old Nebraska woman was jailed Tuesday after she allegedly carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and then filed police report stating that she had been a victim of a hate crime. Lincoln police and emergency responders were dispatched July 22 when 911 operators received a report of a house on fire. Officers arrived at the scene to find Charlie Rogers sitting across the street. Investigators say Rogers crawled from the burning home naked and bleeding, stating that she had been a victim of a gruesome hate crime. Rogers told police that three masked men broke into her home, carved anti-gay slurs into her flesh and tried to burn down her house. She went on to say that one man pinned her down while another man carved a cross into her chest, cut up her legs and sliced derogatory words into her arms and abdomen. The men then turned her over and cut her buttocks and legs. As police began investigating the alleged hate crime, it quickly became apparent that Rogers' account of what happened didn't match up with evidence inside the home. Detectives found a pile of clothes, white gloves and a red box cutter on the living room floor of Rogers' home. Although Rogers claimed that the gloves did not belong to her, a forensics lab found her DNA inside them instead of an alleged perpetrator. Detectives also discovered that Rogers had purchased a box cutter, gloves and zip ties at a local Ace Hardware store a few days prior to the incident. She then sent photographs of her injuries to a friend a few days before the purported attack took place. DUH!!! Detectives examined Rogers' Facebook page which provided them a first possible motive in the case. Police say Rogers posted messages on her Facebook profile that announced a plan she had to "spark change" in the lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender community. "So maybe I am too idealistic, but I believe way deep inside me that we can make things better for everyone. I will be a catalyst. I will do what it takes. I will. Watch me," Rogers reportedly posted four days before the alleged attack. Federal and local law enforcement spent more than "change" investigating the case. Final cost of the investigation hasn't been completed because detectives are still investigating and processing evidence. Rogers was booked into jail and charged with making a false police report. She was released without bail pending her next court appearance. They are ready for the pimply-faced 33 year old to pull some other stupid stunt. And she will be fined for the cost of the investigation.
Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: How to copy without Windows blocking it? Dear Webby, My mom has a program to copy files from one drive to another, that does not fail, when it encounters a file with the same name. She claims you wrote it for her, when she was still working for the Government in the late 80's or early 90's. She copies that program from one machine to the next, and it simply works. However, she can't explain to me how it works. Just that it does. How can I use it too? Jackie Dear Jackie Most likely that is the XX.bat. It copies whatever is newer at the source than it is at the destination, and unlike Windows or DOS, it does not abort when it encounters a file with the same name or a write protect error. You copy the XX.bat into your Windows/System directory. After that you can use it anywhere. XX source-directory/*.jpg destination * is a wildcard. All files with a .jpg ending will be copied to the destination folder. XX C:\Users\Owner\Music\*.mp3 D:\music copies all the MP3 files from C:\Users\Owner\Music to D:\music If you don't want a certain file to be overwritten with a newer version, simply make it ReadOnly The XX.bat will skip it without stalling. To make the XX.bat, open any clean text editor. NOT a word processor! WordPad or NotePad work OK, justmake sure they don't mess up the file name and hang .txt at the end of it. Open your favorite text editor and save a new file as XX.bat to c:\Windows\system Into the file type: @echo off xcopy %1 %2 /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied %1 to %2 pause The "pause" command at the end will keep it open, tell you what it has done. and ask you to hit any key. Yep, that is where all the "Hit Any Key" jokes are from. Save it, and the program is ready to be used. To use it, go to the folder, where the source files are. HIT CTRL SHIFT right-click That gives you the option to open a command prompt right there. At the command prompt type xx source destination and hit Enter. Naturally, you fill in what the source and the destination are. Otherwise the computer won't know, and the XX will play really stupid. If you copy certain files to a Back-Up drive or camera chip every day or every week, you can make your life even easiser! Let's say the source files are in C:\Accounting\invoices\2012 and the ones, that are newer there than on the 8 GB back-up chip, that goes into the little coin pocket on your bra strap when you go home, then you would write another bat. Save this one as xxchip.bat @echo off echo Remember the chip! xcopy C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\*.xls I:\ /D /E /C /H /R /K /Y /Z echo === copied XLS files from C:\Accounting\invoices\2012\ to the Chip pause Make a shortcut to it and fit it with a snazzy desktop icon. Then whenever you hit that icon, it will back up your XLS files onto the 8GB camera chip in the card reader. You can of course make bats like that for any copying tasks that you frequently have to do, and hang cute icons on them for handy triggers. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Power Strips to Eliminate Energy Waste If you seldom use your computer's peripherals, save money by plugging those devices into a separate plug-strip that you can switch 'on and off'. Even if you have your devices turned off, those little transformers are still drawing watts if plugged in. A separate plug strip (for those peripherals) turned 'off' will save you some money not a tremendous amount, but still savings. Just switch it on when you need to use one of the items. By cajun62234 from Collinsville Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

This is a call that came into the 911 emergency line: 911 operator: 911 what is your emergency? Man: Hey dude, I need an ambulance. (static in the phone line interrupts call) 911 operator: A what? Man: I need an ambulance. A dude just got hit by a car. 911 operator: Okay, where are you? Man: I'm down here on Sycamore Street. (static in the phone line becomes worse) 911 operator: Where are you? Say it again. This static makes it hard to understand you. Man: I'm at Sycamore Street! (static still continues) 911 operator: Maybe it would be easier to understand you if you spell where you're at. Man: All right. S-y-c-k...no, no that ain't right. S-i- c-k...no...S-e...S-y. I'll tell you what, I'll drag the dude over to Lee Street; you can pick him up there. ------------------ That reminds me of the quaint little town in Austria where I went to University. There was a Gasthaus on Gymnasium Alley that was packed full of students every night, trading cheat sheets and exam notes, and drinking lots of beer. Quite frequently freshmen keeled over shortly after exiting into the fresh air on Gymnasium Alley and had an imprompty nap attack. The cops usually picked them up on their hourly rounds, but according to the paper, every single one of them always was reported as having been found sleeping on Burg Street.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I was trying to get my seventh-grade history class to under- stand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," I asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke a strange language and wore unusual and weird clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one boy answered, "I'd just figure it was my sister's date."
» Snazzy Serpents


[ view entry ] ( 173 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 473 )
How to lock the titles or header Excel? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 26

Neil Armstrong died today.

43 years ago he was the first human to step onto the moon.
For many of us the moon never seemed the same after that.
It was no longer a mystical and wondrous thing, but just
hardware, like a street light. If somebody was interested,
they could study it.

The old farmer's rules still applied, though. If you did not
put sewage and manure out onto the fields when the moon
was "under-going", (the crescent like the lower part of a "U"),
then it stunk and you got yelled at. I wonder if NASA has 
figgered out why that is the case?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
55 -BC- Roman forces under Julius C‘sar invade Britain 
1346 English longbows defeat French in Battle of Crocy
1791 John Fitch grants US patent for his working steamboat 
1883 Krakatoa erupts with increasingly large explosions kills 36,000
1914 Germans defeat Russians in Battle of Tannenberg
1920 19th amendment passes-women's suffrage granted
1957 USSR announces successful test of ICBM
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

You're smart when you only believe half of what you hear, Wise is when you know which half to believe. --- Socratex Conservatives say if you don't give the rich more money, they will lose their incentive to invest. As for the poor, they tell us they've lost all incentive because we've given them too much money. --- George Carlin Is this a bad idea? The folks at Sprint announced it is developing a TV cell phone. It will let you watch TV on your cell phone. They have the perfect name for it: 'Nine Dead in Interstate Pileup.' --- Jay Leno
A preacher was completing a temperance sermon with great expression he said, "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." With even greater emphasis he said, "And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." And then finally, he said, "And if I had all the whiskey in he world, I'd take it and throw it into the river." He sat down. The head elder then stood and announced, "For our closching schong, let usch sching h-ick, ahem Hymn 365, "Schall We Gather at the Rrrriverrrrr!"
A man sued his wife for divorce. He told the judge, "Your honor, my wife is so immature, she barges in while I'm taking a bath and sinks all my boats!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Lillemor for sending these pictures: Click on the picture for the large version Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44 in Bellview, Illinois Jailed for Attacking Red Lobster Waitress because She Refilled Their Glasses Too Frequently Three Bellview, Illinois women have been charged after they allegedly attacked a Red Lobster waitress because she filled their water classes too frequently. Sherrell Evans, 22, Britley Green, 22, and Geneen Green, 44, were jailed Friday after they allegedly assaulted a waitress working at Fairview Heights Red Lobster on Friday. According to police, the women repeatedly struck the waitress with their hands and a menu after they became irritated with the frequency of their water refills. The women were booked into jail and charged with felony counts of mob action and aggravated battery in a public place. Each are being held in lieu of $50,000 bail.
Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: How to lock the titles or header Excel? Dear Webby, You showed us how to do it at least once before, but because I did not need it then, I was not paying attention. I need to lock the header row, like you do in Quattro. I think you mentioned that Excel can do it too, but I can't find any option or command for it. How is it done in Excel? Chris Dear Chris In the late 80's and early 90's, when Quattro and Excel were racing each other and at the same time trying to avoid getting sued by Lotus or each other, they sometimes used weird names for doing the same thing. Quattro was first with "locked titles", so Microsoft had to come up with a different term for doing the same thing. They called it "Freezing Panes". Yeah, kinda dumb, but with other items, where they were first, Quattro had to grasp for alternate terms. It was a royal pissing contest in the sandbox, but it sure spurred on development of better and faster spreadsheets. So, to "Freeze Panes" in Excel, you highlight the cell below the header row, or to the right of the side label row, click on Window, and select: Freeze Panes. That accomplishes the same as "Locking Titles" in Quattro. The titles or header row will remain visible, just like they were on a printed strip pasted to the upper monitor rim, while you scroll the rest of the spreadsheet up and down. For those of you, who are curious about Quattro: It is now owned by Corel Office. You can get older versions of Corel Office on eBay for $15 and up. Corel Office contains Word Perfect , Quattro, and a whole suite of office programs. In Quattro you highlight a cell below or to the right of the row or column, that you want to appear like printed and glued on titles, and click on VIEW, Locked Titles. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Morris sat at a bar, had the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked him, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with Sarah, your wife?" Morris replied, "We had a fight, and Sarah told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender commented, "That should make you happy." To which Morris answered, "No, the month is up today!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he went to a local card and novelty shop and bought a small sign that read, "I'm the Boss." He then taped it to his office door. Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that someone had taped a note to the sign that said, "Your wife called, she said she did not authorize that sign!"
» Stoned Footprints


[ view entry ] ( 145 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 2.9 / 442 )
How to sort rows in spreadsheets? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 25

Thank you, Frank!


Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1609 Galileo demonstrates his 1st telescope to Venetian lawmakers 
1689 Montreal taken by Iroquois
1718 Hundreds of French colonists arrive in Louisiana; New Orleans founded
1830 Belgium revolts against Netherlands
1875 Matthew Webb becomes 1st to swim English Channel (21h 45m) 
1912 1st time an aircraft recovers from a spin 
1919 1st scheduled passenger service by airplane (Paris-London) 
1921 US signs peace treaty with Germany
1940 1st parachute wedding 
1943 US forces overran New Georgia in Solomon Islands during WW II
1944 Paris liberated from Nazi occupation 
1945 Jewish immigrants are permitted to leave Mauritius for Palestine 
1981 Mark Chapman, John Lennon's murderer, is sentenced to 20 years
1983 US & USSR sign $10 billion grain pact (seed grain for USSR)
1990 UN security council authorizes military action against Iraq
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The only thing I like about rich people is their money. --- Nancy Astor The price of freedom of religion, or of speech, or of the press, is that we must put up with a good deal of rubbish. --- Robert Jackson
One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife decided to have a leisurely bath. She undressed and then remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs. She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps. She realized at once that it was the milkman since the arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen. So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made it just in time. The footsteps grew louder and the door opened. It was the man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter. For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I was expecting the milkman."
Resume Blunders How bad a mistake can you make on your resume? Here are some real-life examples: "My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable." "Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting." "Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store." "Personal: Married, 1992 Chevrolet." "I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse." "I am a rabid typist." "Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side." "Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business." "Proven ability to track down and correct erors." "Personal interests: Donating blood. 15 gallons so far." "I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one." "References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me." "Strengths: Ability to meet deadlines while maintaining composer." "Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers." "My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteorology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage." "I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant." "I am loyal to my employer at all costs...Please feel free to respond to my resume on my office voicemail." "Qualifications: No education or experience." "Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets." "Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department." "Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!" Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Thanks to Dad for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version These bloomed today.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to David Pepe, 30 Atlanta Pimp Given Life Sentence for pimping of 14 Year-Old Runaway A 30-year-old Atlanta man was sentenced to life in prison Monday after being convicted of charges related to sexually abusing and pimping a teenage runaway, the Fulton County District Attorney’s Office announced and the AJC reported. A jury found David Pepe guilty of trafficking of persons for sexual servitude, pimping, aggravated child molestation, enticing a child for indecent purposes and contributing to the delinquency of a minor. Pepe sexually abused a 14-year-old whom he persuaded into prostitution within three days of meeting her in April 2009, prosecutors said. The defendant had sex with the teen, took her to pick up customers, took half of the money they paid her and later said he deserved all the money, according to information presented in court. Her mother did not agree with that and text messages, that the teen sent to her mother were forwarded to law enforcement authorities, who returned the teen to her family. Pepe was caught during a traffic stop in Cobb County. The case was the first to be prosecuted by the District Attorney’s human trafficking unit.
Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: How do you sort in Excel? Dear Webby, You mentioned sorting in a spreadsheet. How do I sort a spreadsheet, so that everything is sorted, not just the first column. I mean, each row has to stay on that row, not staying the same, while the first column only gets sorted. Sounds confusing, but I am sure you know what I mean. Elaine Dear Elaine Yes, I know what you mean. The integrity of each row has to be preserved. You shuffle entire rows up and down, not just parts of them. That is actually the default. Highlight the bottom most and right most cell, that is in use. Hit CTRL SHIFT HOME to highlight everything between that cell and the A1 HOME cell. You can continue to hold down SHIFT and scoot the hughlight down a few rows, if you have column headers taking up more than one row. Once you have just the cells, that you want sorted, highlighted, click on DATA, SORT You get a little screen, where you can specify the three most important sort criteria. The way that works, if you have the column with LAST names as the first search criterium, when there are more than one SMITH, you use the FIRST name as the second sort criterium, and if there are more than on John Doe, then you use their birthdate or weight as the third sort criterium. With each of the criteria, you can select ascending or descending sort.. Click on Header Row, if you want it to ignore one row on top. Then hit OK. In a flash, your spreadsheet will be sorted exactly the way you specified. As long as you remember to exclude header rows on top and total rows at the bottom, the sorting is quick and painless. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Colander to Remove Excess Salt from Nuts We love pistachios, but many times they have a lot of salt on them. I discovered that by shaking them in a mesh colander, I was able to removed a large quantity of the salt. I also shake pumpkin seeds. By mascenika from Westminter, CO Check out your nearest Bulk Barn. They have unsalted nuts and seeds for incredibly low prices. I once bought $5.00 worth of roasted pumpkin seeds to help me stop smoking. That was about two and a half years ago, and I stopped smoking long before I had eaten all the pumpkin seeds. I noticed the other day, I still have more than a handful of them in that jar. I think they were 29 cents per pound, and since roasted seeds are extremely light weight, not much heavier than popcorn, you get a huge bag for very little. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Jones is driving past the state mental hospital when his left rear tire suffers a flat. While Jones is changing the tire, another car goes by, running over the hub cap in which Jones was keeping the lug nuts. The nuts are all knocked into a nearby storm drain. Jones is at a loss for what to do and is about to go call a cab when he hears a shout from behind the hospital fence, where one of the inmates has been watching the whole thing. "Hey, pal! Why don't you just take one lug nut off each of the other three wheels? That'll hold your tires on until you can get to a garage or something." Jones is startled by the patient's seeming rationality, but realizes the plan will work, and installs the spare tire without incident. Before he leaves, he calls back to the patient. "You know, that was pretty sharp thinking. Why do they have you in there?" The patient smiles and says, "I'm in here because I'm crazy, not because I'm stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
» Sao Paulo Brazil


[ view entry ] ( 168 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3.1 / 366 )
How to insert a row in a spreadsheet? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



It is becoming more and more obvious that General McCrystal
was right, and that peace in Afghanistan is not possible 
without first defeating the Taliban, and scaring the crap out
of them. Dogooderism simply does not impress them, and just
leads to good soldiers being murdered at social events.

Especially with a weak home front, there is no point in
continuing on the current path. Somebody should 'splain that
to the White House. Either get serious, or get out. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
79 Mt Vesuvius erupts, buries Pompeii & Herculaneum
410 Rome overrun by Visigoths, symbolized fall of Western Roman Empire 
1572 King Charles IX orders massacre of thousands of French Protestants
1662 Act of Uniformity requires English to accept book of Common Prayer 
1814 British sack Washington, DC, White House burned 
1853 1st potato chips prepared by Chef George Crum 
   (Saratoga Springs, NY) 
1869 Waffle iron invented
1891 Thomas Edison patents motion picture camera 
1909 Workers start pouring concrete for Panama Canal 
1912 Territory of Alaska organized
1949 North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) established
1981 Mark David Chapman is sentenced to 20 yrs to life for 
   John Lennon's murder 
1987 Announcement of possible Martian tornadoes 
1990 Iraqi troops surround US & other embassies in Kuwait City
1991 Gorbachev resigns as head of USSR Communist Party
1991 Ukraine declares independence from the USSR 
2012  Mark David Chapman's parole application has been denied, again.
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau Better old fashions than no fashions! --- Socratex
Long ago there was once an old native American who wanted a loan for $500. The banker pulled out the loan application, "What are you going to do with the money?" "Take jewelery to city and sell it," was the response. "What have you got for collateral?" "Don't know collateral." "Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicles?" "Yes, 1949 Chevy pickup." The banker shook his head, "How about livestock?" "Yes, I have a horse." "How old is it?" "Don't know, has no teeth." Finally the banker decided to make the $500 loan. Several weeks later the old man was back in the bank. He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said. He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off. "What are you going to do with the rest of that money?" "Put in tepee." "Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked. "Don't know deposit." "You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to use it you can withdraw it." The old Indian leaned across the desk, "What you got for collateral?"
When an applicant asked if the company had a fitness program, the human resources manager replied, "Oh, our employees don't need one. They are routinely jumping to conclusions, flying off the handle, beating around the bush, running down the boss, going around in circles, dragging their feet, dodging responsibility, passing the buck, climbing the ladder, hiding in paperwork, pulling strings, throwing their weight around, stretching the truth, bending the rules, stabbing others in their backs and pushing their luck!"
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sean Foxx, 27, Latreila Woods, 24 in SAN ANTONIO, Texas Marriage proposal after arrest for robbing a Dollar Store Police say a man identified as Sean Foxx, 27, proposed to his girlfriend, Latreila Woods, 24, after the pair had just been arrested in connection with an aggravated robbery at a Family Dollar Store. Investigators said Foxx was in a getaway car outside the Dollar store Monday morning waiting for Woods to finish shoplifting and come out. Store managers claim Woods was shoplifting and they attempted to stop her as she was trying to leave through a locked one way door. Foxx saw what happened and then went inside, police said. "He sees that she's in trouble so he goes into the store to try to help her escape, goes on in through one of the open doors next to the one that was locked, and tells her come on out that way. They exit the store. He threatens the managers telling them that he'll be back to get them because they were going to hurt his girlfriend," said Sgt. Daniel Alonzo, SAPD Robbery Task Force. Foxx and Woods were arrested a short time later and charged with aggravated robbery. Police said after the arrest Foxx popped the question and Woods accepted. Foxx also claimed the pair did not rob the store and employees, who stood in the way to block her escape, tried to injure his girlfriend. The boneheads failed to realize that any kind of interaction or altercation elevates shoplifting to robbery, and even though the merchandise at a dollar store is sold profitably for a dollar a piece, stealing stuff is still shoplifting, and trying to evade arrrest turns it into robbery.
Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Insert a row in spreadsheets Dear Webby, I read your Humor letter every day, and vote when it works. Now my problem. My wife is in charge of membership a the Rock club that we belong too and she has to keep up the membership list up to date in alphabecial order. she's working with w spread sheet and I need to know if she can insert a name in order without having re-enter all the names below it, thank you, Frank N Dear Frank Yes, sure! Highlight the row below where you want a new one, by clicking the row counter number in the left margin, click on INSERT select ROW Most spreadsheets will replicate column colors automatically, and also column formatting. For example, if the second column is formatted for Short Date, it will also have that format in the newly created row. If you have formulas or counters, you generally have to copy them from the row above it. You can also add new rows at the bottom, and then sort. You can specify the columns to be used for sort criteria. On some days you may prefer an alphabetical sort, on others a birthday sort, and sometimes you need a sort by renewal due date. Any new member will automatically get sorted in exactly where they belong. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day. "What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge. His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars for contempt of court! That's why!" Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man excitedly. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
» Inca Ruins


[ view entry ] ( 234 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 383 )
Paper or eBooks for course? 




Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 23

At the store today I saw the exact plums, that I grew up with.
Dark blue, with a whitish looking dusting on the blue. Easy to
split, and to remove the pit. In those days, they were called
"Buehler", after the family, that had originally produced it by
trying many different crossbreeds, and finally wound up with
a true hybrid, that could be grafted onto any plum tree.

At the store here they were labelled "Italian Prune Plums".
Ha, little do they know!

My earliest memories of those plums were being a toddler, 
picking up plums to eat, and being told not to pick the soft ones,
because bees and wasps went after those. Well, the soft ones
were sweeter, and yes, I got stung in the mouth. I have stayed
away from soft plums of any kind ever since.

Later memories were from climbing high up into the plum tree.
It was about 40 feet high. My job was to climb up high and 
shake it like a spastic monkey, to shake all the ripe plums down
onto the bedshets spread under it. The grown-ups of course
egged me on to be as crazy as possible, and even threw plums 
at me. 

In the fall I pruned the inside of the tree, basically cut all 
new shoots that would have gotten in the way of me playing
spastic monkey and running up and around inside the crown 
of the tree. 

Even when I went to college and University I was still doing 
that. Somehow my little brothers never got into that.
I loved that tree!
A year after I left for Canada, they said that tree died.

When I saw those Buehler plums today, and that they were 
cheaper than apples, I put my apples back and got some plums
instead.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Today in 
1572 In France, late this night, Catholic conspirators began 
  massacring thousands of Huguenots (French Protestants), 
  under orders of Catherine de Medici, advisor to her son, 
  Charles IX, King of France. 
1617 1st one-way streets established (London) 
1833 Britain abolishes slavery in colonies
1869 1st carload of freight arrives in SF, from Boston
1872 1st Japanese coml ship visits SF, carrying tea
 1889 1st ship-to-shore wireless message received in US (SF) 
1904 Automobile tire chain patented 
1914 Japan declares war on Germany in World War I 
1917 Race riot in Houston Texas (2 blacks & 11 whites killed) 
1939 USSR & Germany sign a non-agression pact 
1966 Lunar Orbiter 1 takes 1st photograph of Earth from Moon
1977 1st man-powered flight of a mile (Bryan Allen in Gossamer Condor) 
2012  smiled

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is said that power corrupts, but actually it's more true that power attracts the corruptible. The sane are usually attracted by other things than power. --- David Brin It is the nature of all greatness not to be exact. --- Edmund Burke Nothing endures but change. --- Heraclitus (540 BC - 480 BC)
I recently saw a distraught young lady standing beside her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. "I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker," she explained, exasperated. "Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a con- venience store a couple blocks down) would have a battery to fit this?" "Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm, too?" I asked. "No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing it and the car keys to me to inspect. I took the key and manually unlocked the door. "Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk."
Little Johnny and his family lived in the country, and as a result seldom had guests. He was eager to help his mother after his father appeared with two dinner guests from the office. When the dinner was nearly over, Little Johnny went to the kitchen and proudly carried in the first piece of apple pie, giving it to his father who passed it to a guest. Little Johnny came in with a second piece of pie and gave it to his father, who again gave it to a guest. This was too much for Little Johnny, who said, "It's no use, Dad. The pieces are all the same size."
100 Windows 7 Training Videos Recorded By A Retired Microsoft Mvp Of 7 Years And A Windows 7 Desktop Expert! Get all 100 videos in one big download!

Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Stacey Kerres,47, in Melbourne, Florida Babsitter Found Topless, Passed Out In Hotel Parking Lot Stacey Kerres, a 47-year-old Florida woman was jailed Thursday after she was found laying topless in a hotel parking lot - while the child she was hired to babysit was left alone. According to police, officers were dispatched to the River Palm hotel after hotel staff found a five-year-old boy who had been left unattended. Officers arrived to find the boy playing video games with the hotel staff. The boy told officers that he had been left with a babysitter while his mother was at a local casino for the night. During a search of the hotel grounds, officers found Kerres laying topless in the parking lot of the hotel - not far from the room where the mother and her son were staying. Kerres, who appeared lethargic and incoherent, struggled to talk and was unable to tell officers where she had left the boy. She was booked into the Brevard County Jail and charged with child neglect.
Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Paper or e-books Dear Webby, I am planning to take a course and have a choice to get the material on paper books or on e-books. The e-book version is a lot cheaper, of course. Which version would you recommend? Vi Dear Vi I would recommen the e-book version without the slightest hesitation. With e-books you CAN print them, if you need paper. You can even print just those pages that you want, like indexes or summaries. You can also take screen captures of paragraphs or illustrations and paste those into word processor documents, no need to laboriously typing the stuff or manually recreating graphs. With e-books you aren't just saving trees and money, you are getting a lot more value. DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Recycled Boot Tray For Muddy Shoes Use the bottom of a broken plastic laundry basket as a boot tray for muddy shoes. Cut the broken top off and discard. The boot tray can easily be hosed off to keep it clean. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
All In One PX Fixer has all the necessary tools included: Fix System Errors, Improve Startup, Clean Registry, Defrag Disk, Optimize System Settings, Back-Up, etc. Currently Smart PC Fixer is 50% off regular price!

Dear Webby, can you bring back that list of silly laws that you once printed? Thanks, Flo Sure, Flo. Here they are: In Klamath Falls, Oregon, it is illegal to kick the heads off snakes. Anyone stealing citrus fruit in Yuma, Arizona can legally be given castor oil as punishment. The California penal code prohibits the shooting of any animal, except a whale, from an automobile. It is illegal to wear a mask in Denver, Colorado. In Kentucky there is a law against sleeping in a restaurant. In Idaho you cannot fish for trout from the back of a giraffe. An old Boston law prohibited citizens from taking more than one bath each week. If a Michigan woman leaves her husband, then he is entitled to take possession of all her clothing. In Idaho you cannot buy a chicken after dark without permission from the sheriff. Setting fire to a mule is prohibited in Maine. It is a crime in several states to dance to the "The Star Spangled Banner." It was once illegal in Boston Massachusetts to own a dog more than ten inches high. Public checker-playing is against the law in La Crosse, Wisconsin. In St. Louis Missouri it is against the law to let rubbish collect on your roof. Alabama: It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle. Connecticut: You can be stopped by the police for biking over 65 miles per hour. You are not allowed to walk across a street on your hands. Florida: Women may be fined for falling asleep under a hair dryer, as can the salon owner. A special law prohibits unmarried women from parachuting on Sunday or she shall risk arrest, fine, and/or jailing. If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle. It is illegal to sing in a public place while attired in a swimsuit. (Topless is OK, just not in a swim suit) Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown. Illinois: It is illegal for anyone to give lighted cigars to dogs, cats, and other domesticated animal kept as pets. Indiana: Bathing is prohibited during the winter.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Couples who have lived together a long time have their own way of communicating. A friend overheard her aunt and uncle one day: "What are you looking for in that closet?" she asked. "Nothing," he answered. "Well, they're not in there. Look under the bed."
» Dressed Up Ducks


[ view entry ] ( 165 views )   |  permalink  |  print article  |   ( 3 / 350 )

<<First <Back | 72 | 73 | 74 | 75 | 76 | 77 | 78 | 79 | 80 | 81 | Next> Last>>