How to make a screen shot 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Monday, September 16.

It looks like more and more people are realizing, that
good ol Dear Webby was right after all, when he called the
Gullible Warming scarempngering a bunch of BS.

Here is the DailyMail UK

Those Gullible Warming predictions "now appear gravely flawed."

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Obamite Logic: Obama tells us not to judge all Muslims by the actions of a few lunatics. But.... Obama tells us to judge all gun owners by the actions of a few lunatics, except when they are Muslims. --- D. A. Funk
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!"
Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

>From Edna Recently moved to a new city, I was eager to meet people. So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband." Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one." After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And that's my husband - the fat one."
From the SUN-Metro Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Erwin, 31, Sauk Village, South Chicago, Illinois Jailed for Stabbing Son In Heart During Argument Over Ice Cream Reported by the Weekly Vice -Robin Erwin, a 31-year-old south Chicago woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stabbed her teen son to death during an argument over ice cream. According to police, Erwin and her son were arguing about ice cream that morning when Erwin stabbed her son directly in the heart. The victim, 17-year-old Diontae Erwin, was rushed to a local hospital where he was pronounced dead at 12:41 p.m.. Dionte Erwin's death has been ruled a homicide shortly after medical examiners concluded that Erwin died of a fatal stab wound to the heart. After the alleged stabbing, Robin Erwin reportedly called 911 and told them that her son walked into her knife. Officers took her into custody when they arrived on the scene. She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree murder. She remains held in lieu of $750,000. As police processed the scene, they came into contact with 21-year-old Larry Gray who has been charged with unlawful use of a weapon by a felon and violating parole. Apparently it was his knife. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: How do I take screen shots? Dear Webby, Good Sunday morning to you. Hope this finds you in good spirits and heatlth. My question this time is about taking screenshots of different items on my laptop. I am totally lost as how to do this and knew you would have the knowledge I am looking for. I am a devoted reader of your paper for years and read it with my first cup of Joe in the morning while it is still quiet around our house. Again thanks for the great knowledge that you pass along each and every day with your paper. Randall Dear Randall The easiest way to make screen shots is to first open a program to receive the screen shot. That can be a graphics program or a word processor or email or even a spreadsheet. Then jump to the program, where you want to capture the screen. Hold down ALT and hit the PrintScreen key. ALT TAB back to the receiver program. CTRL V to paste the screen shot. Usually it is best to paste the shot into a graphics program, so that you can crop it and show just the important parts, without frame and borders. Then you can copy the trimmed, and probably resized picture, and paste it into whatever you want. For email you usually have to resize it down quite a bit. Screenshots tend to be too large for comfort. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repurpose Food Boxes as Christmas Packages It's September and time to start thinking about Christmas. I try to have all my purchases done before November 1. I also save old boxes to wrap in gift paper to make my wrapping experience as stress free as possible by having them ready now. Using colored duct tape to finish the edges also adds to the festive mood. These boxes can be used over and over again. By lnygaard Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection committee finally recommended a young man just out of the seminary. Many older church members protested that a more experienced man would have been preferable. Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the end of the meeting, I commented to an older man that this marked the beginning of better things for our church. "Yes," he said with a wry smile. "Moving on to greener pastors."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of Newfoundland in October, 1965. Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North to avoid a collision. Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision. Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course. Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course. Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET. WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP. Canadians: We are a lighthouse, on a big rock. Your call.

» Dolomites

Today, September 16, in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after 
 rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born 
 Prince of Wales.
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship 
 arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at 
 Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers.
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule. 
 Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish 
 descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the 
 small town of Dolores.
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by 
 hundreds of thousands of settlers.
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy" 
 Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and 
 Olds car companies.
1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective 
 Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime 
 military draft in U.S. history.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty 
 program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.
1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be ordained 
 as priests and bishops.
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian 
 men, women and children began in refugee camps of the 
 Lebanese Christian militiamen.
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an 
 effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions 
 of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. The Ozone scare has 
 since then been found to be false. 
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President 
 George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message 
 warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into 
 a war "against the world."
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay 
 $5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the 
 1989 Exxon Valdez spill.
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on 
 the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years.
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the 
 Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and 
 "Oh, the Places You'll Go."
2013  smiled


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Good Morning,  !

Today is Sunday, September 15.

>From Nana Rina
Thank you for your tribute to the Bikers who rode in 
Washington, DC on 9/11...I did cry while watching it. 
It brought back a lot of memories to me. I live so 
close to DC and wanted to ride but I am an old soldier, 
hippie, biker, cop, secretary, mother, and grandmother 
now, and couldn't make it there for health reasons but 
my heart was with them on the ride. Thank you for your 
wonderful newsletter. 
Hugs,
Nanny 


Tribute to the bikers

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much. --- John Wayne (1907 - 1979),
Australian jokes tend to be long and wordy, but usually well worth the long build-up. >From Sheila in Oz A guy spent five years traveling all around the world making a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he had every single native dance of every indigenous culture in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a well earned beer. He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him about his project. The Aborigine asked the guy what he thought of the Butcher Dance. "Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?" "What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?" "No, I've never heard of it." "Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the Butcher Dance?" "Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is that what you mean?" "No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the Corroborree." "Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see this Butcher Dance then?" "Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll take you many days of travel to go see it." "Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon, to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording this one last dance." "Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197 miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree -- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out due west into the setting sun. Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe three days to get through it. On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's head. From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there." So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out. After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was forced to set up camp for the night. He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention of before. True to the directions he had been given, he reached the creek after three days and followed it for another two, until he reached the rocky mountains. The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains. Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream. The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their long trek. When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey. Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he came to film their Butcher Dance. "Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last night. You too late. You miss dance." "Well, when do you hold the next dance?" "Not till next year." "Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an extra dance for me tonight?" "No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy. Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come back next year." Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other option but to head back to civilization and back home. The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before. He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it. But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree. They reached the creek and the mountains without any further problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside until it subsided. Then, before they had traveled a mile out from the mountains, one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all sense of how long they had been traveling, they staggered into the village right at noon. "The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me I'm too late to see it!" The chief recognized him and said, "No, white fella. Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time." Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins. Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering his entire body entered the circle and began to chant. "What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief. "Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent. Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance, and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious as to watch over us and protect us for another year." The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy became caught up in the fervor of the moment himself. This was it. He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived by mankind. The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a big booming voice, started to sing: "You butch yer right arm in. You butch yer right arm out. You butch yer right arm in, and you shake it all about...."
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

A cop saw Liz down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied Liz, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded Liz, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robin Campbell, 20, Maitland, Floriduh Jailed for Walking Dog While Naked and dopey. Reported by the Weekly Vice Robin Campbell, a 20-year-old Florida man, has been jailed after he was allegedly found walking his dog in the nude. According to police, officers were called to the scene when neighbors were assaulted by the the sight of Campbell walking his dog without a stitch of clothing on. When officers asked Campbell where his clothes were, he replied that he was walking "In God's house" and therefore should not be required to wear clothing. God could not be immediately reached for comment on what the house rules were, so police ordered him to cover up. When Campbell refused, officers attempted to take him into custody, however, Campbell resisted arrest. That's when officers demonstrated to Campbell how effective a Taser devise was when applied directly to the skin. Campbell later stated that he had consumed mushrooms before threatening to kill the officer. He was booked into jail and charged with battery, resisting arrest and exposing his body (public nudity). Tech Support Pits From: Jim Re: Keyboard Shortcuts Dear Webby, Good day to you, still loving your info and humor. Is there a site with all of the shortcuts listed? ones like Ctrl/a Ctrl/ c? Just wondering and thanks. jh Hi Jim Once upon a time, long, long ago, when there was still an empty space on top of the keyboards, I made a strip, that you could print out and lay onto that space. It is still at http://webby.com/key-codes.html The goofy symbol you see in the bottom row, that used to produce the Windows key on Windows 95. If there is enough demand, I'll translate the strip to Winows7. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Eye Glasses To remove hairspray and greasy perspiration, I use rubbing alcohol. It cleans the lenses really well and it can be used on either plastic or glass lenses. Source: I received this top from my eye doctor. By Ginger from Decatur, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Tina My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Removed bowling ball from trunk".

» Psychedelica

Today, September 15, in
1776 - British forces occupied New York City during the American 
 Revolution.
1821 - Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and 
 El Salvador proclaimed independence.
1857 - Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.
1858 - The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of 
 the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the 
 Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the 
 journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.
1909 - Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his 
 ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering 
 Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of 
 General Motors.
1916 - During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks 
 were first used in warfare when the British rolled them 
 onto the battlefields.
1917 - Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.
1923 - Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John 
 Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the 
 Ku Klux Klan. After this declaration national newspapers 
 began to expose the Klan and its criminal activities.
1928 - Canadian Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic 
 penicillin in the mold Penicillium notatum.
1935 - The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany. 
 The act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights 
 and the swastika was made the official symbol of 
 Nazi Germany.
1940 - The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes 
 in the Battle of Britain. This caused Hitler to abandon 
 his plans for invading Britain. Britain's losses were much 
 higher, but Hitler did not know that.
1950 - U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to 
 relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.
1959 - Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S. 
 to begin a 13-day visit.
1961 - The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.
1971 - Greenpeace was founded.
1978 - Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd 
 World Heavyweight Boxing title.
1990 - France announced that it would send an additional 
 4,000 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi 
 military attaches in Paris.
1993 - The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning 
 the crime of carjacking.
1994 - U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders 
 "Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."
1998 - Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military 
 to be on full alert and massed troops on its border 
 with Afghanistan.
1998 - It was announced that 5.9 million people read The 
 Starr Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White 
 House defense of U.S. President Clinton.
1999 - The United Nations approved the deployment of a 
 multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.
2013  smiled


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Unsuccessful updates 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Saturday, September 14.

A nice tribute to the bikers who showed, 
that there are some patriots left.


Tribute to the bikers

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. --- George Carlin
Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Eight dollars per seat." She asked, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, Eight dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way."
The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS".
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

>From Sheila in Oz Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose."
From the SUN-Metro Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jordan Linn Graham, 22, Helena, Montana Jailed for pushing new hubby off cliff Jordan Linn Graham, a 22-year-old Montana woman, has been jailed after she allegedly pushed her husband off a cliff just a week after they had been married. According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, an investigation was launched on July 8 after Graham's husband, 25-year-old Cody Johnson, failed to show up for work. When investigators interviewed Graham (pictured left), she stated that her husband had gone hiking with friends on July 7, but never returned. The next day, however, Graham miraculously found her husband's body, which was obscured by the canyon walls and foliage of Glacier National Park. Although park officials thought it strange that Graham was able to locate the body in such an obscure place, Graham explained that it was a place her "husband wanted to see before he died." As the investigation continued, however, text messages from Graham to various friends revealed that she was not happy with her one week old marriage. Investigators say Graham texted a friend on the same day Johnson was pushed to his death and stated that she was having second thoughts about getting married and intended to talk to Johnson about it. Five days after Johnson's deceased body had been recovered, Graham confessed to investigators that she was responsible for his death. Graham told investigators that she intended to talk to her husband about their marriage, so the two of them took a walk on Loop Trail which is known for its hairpin turns and cliff-edged pathways. It was along that trail that the couple began to argue as Graham broached the topic of their marriage. At some point during the argument, Graham reportedly smacked Johnson's hands away and then used both hands to push him face-first off the walkway's ledge. She then reportedly returned home, leaving his broken body on the rocks below. At the conclusion of a two-month investigation, Graham has been charged with second-degree murder. Bond has not yet been announced in the case. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Unsuccessful updates Dear Webby, I keep getting the same updates over and over. I install them, but they keep coming back although it says they have been installed successfully....what’s going on! I hope you have some insights, Thanks Peggie Dear Peggie That sounds like you got a fairly popular virus. Run a reputable anti-malware scan like McAfee. That should stop that nonsense. That virus pretends to give you a link to Microsoft, but it just downloads new instructions from North Korea or Iran or wherever the virus controller happens to be today. Once you have installed a good malware protection, it will not allow a re-infection, even if you again go to the same site, where you picked up that virus before. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning A Smooth Top Stove Surface I've owned a smoothtop stove for some six years or so and I've made many attempts at cleaning up my "muck ups". For average problems, there are many solutions out there. But for those very bad mistakes there are very few - if any - good solutions. I've tried almost everything. The scraping is tedious and doesn't always (or very seldom) works. First try baking soda with a little water. It's cheap and abrasive but doesn't scratch. Cleaners like Barkeeper's Friend are abrasive but have about the same effect as baking soda. Glass cleaner is good for mild problems, just let it soak. I'm gonna try the oven cleaner but be careful. I've been to different web sites and they have no comments on it's effectiveness. Glasstops - a solution or a problem? Are you perfect? Then they are a solution. You aren't perfect? - then they are no better than a regular electric stove. By Snorp I bought a glass top stove a dozen years ago, and find it is a hundred times easier than the open burner type. Yeah, I know, people who check their email while they cook, buy burner liners in 100 packs, often. And they still have a messy stove top. To clean a glass top, use a 4" paint scraper, that looks like a putty knife, but is stiffer and does NOT have a thin, sharp tip. The tip is about 1/16" thick and has sharp edges. Those sharp 90 degree edges do the work and stay sharp. Scrape the glass until the scraper glides smoothly. Spray some "Simple Green" or any other effective THIN cleaner on it. Not a thick dish soap! Let it soak five minutes, then use regular steel wool to scour areas, that are not shiny yet. Don't worry, the glass is harder than steel wool. Wipe with a wet sponge. If there are spots, that are still not shiny, sprinkle Comet onto the wet glass and let it soak. Don't use the Comet before you have done the other steps. It works best, when there is as little as possible of baked on hard stuff. I do it my way about twice a year, and the glass top is still shiny after a dozen years of an untamed bachelor pretending to know how to cook. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Lena asked Ole if he would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick up a dozen eggs. He asked for some money, but she told hhim to put it on their tab. So he walked across, got the eggs and walked back. Then he asked Lena why she didn't send him with any money. She said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas."

» Mirror Images

Today, September 14, in
891 Stephen V ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1716 1st lighthouse in US lit (Boston Harbor)
1752 England & colonies adopt Gregorian calendar, 11 days 
 disappear
1812 Napoleon occupies Moscow 
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon 
 Bonaparte's troops invaded.
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner," 
 a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry," 
 after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry, 
 MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S.  national anthem on March 3, 1931.
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the 
 leadership of General Winfield Scott.
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds 
 inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt, 
 at age 42, succeeded him.
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the 
 first sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings.
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based 
 on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky.
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S. 
 Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the US
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first 
 man-made object on the moon when it landed on the surface.
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries 
 (OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq, 
 Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela.
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV.
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV.
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a 
 resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting 
 down of a Korean jet on September 1.
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a 
 balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean.
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested 
 its Arrow-2 missile defense system.
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers 
 that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks 
 on the U.S.
2013  smiled


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Problem with newsletters on Hotmail 








Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, September 13.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



>From Carole
We watched every news station but not one mention of the 
bikers. We watched it on face book. They were beyond great!!! 
  Webby, you are the greatest. 
                Granny

Dear Carole
The fact that some papers and some TV stations ignored the
fact of the 2 Million patriotic Bikers ride to DC shows you, 
who the patriots are, and who followed orders of Anti-American
owners.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

What can you say about a society that says that God is dead and Elvis is alive? --- Irv Kupcinet It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has plenty of work to do. --- Jerome K. Jerome
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday."
Thanks to Phil for these requests from his tenants: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "The person next door has a large erection in his backyard, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too much." "When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and drags him into his office. The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off. He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla until they can get another one. The mime accepts. So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street. However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the people are paying more attention to the lion in the next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls across a partition, and dangles from the top of the lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious, but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such a good attraction. Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his salary keeps going up. Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified. The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage with the lion in hot pursuit. Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help! Help me!" The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion. The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose our jobs!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Christmas Cactus Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shirley Whicker, 24, King, North Carolina Jailed After Molesting 4-Year-Old Boy Shirley Whicker, a 24-year-old North Carolina woman has been jailed after she allegedly molested a 4-year-old relative. According to King police, Whicker was charged on Tuesday in response to an ongoing investigation that involves a 4-year-old boy that is known to her. Investigators have released few details in the case because of the nature of the relationship between Whicker and the victim. She was booked into the Stokes County Jail and charged with two counts each of first-degree sex offense with a child, child abuse through a sexual act and taking indecent liberties with a child. She is now free on $100,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Problem with Hotmail Dear Webby, this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day. Thank you very much Helen Dear Helen I thought Hotmail was going to get shut down in September? You are not the only hoe mail victim. Do you want a referral for gmail ? It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails. You can get a Gmail account free even without a referral. Just go to https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Weighted Flowers for Graveside Displays I needed to add flowers at the cemetery to the vases on each side of the monument. They needed to be weighted down so they wouldn't blow away. So I solved this problem by using some old keys and attached them with wire to the base of the flowers. Problem solved. By fancy61 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under: All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooooo, not with The Australian. "Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline. "Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said. "In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at her keyboard. "Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard no typing. "Too much information?" I asked. "No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on some of the selling points" "Like what?" I asked. "Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower it is." "It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though between the caked-up dry grass." "No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me what make of lawnmower it is?" "I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it." "Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers probably would want to know that. "It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric." "Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked. "I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses." "Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said. "I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new one. Thast's why I want to sell it." "I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can." "Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they can fix the wheels too though." "The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the wheels?" "Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round and round and round, no worries." "But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said. "Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said. "They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though, unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing in the freezer, begins to thaw out. Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power circuit at the same time. Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up." "I see," said the typist. "And....er....how much do you want to ask for it?" "As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in." "Ten dollars a line," she said. "So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked, hoping to get some expert advice. "Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just... "Lawnmower for sale" and your phone number?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start at least SOME form of communication? Sometimes I wonder. Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo." Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess

» Old Service Stations:

Today, September 13, in
1759 - The French were defeated by the British on the Plains 
 of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 - The United States Government took out its first loan.
1898 - Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid 
 photographic film, which is used to make movies.
1922 - In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature 
 was recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1943 - Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 - The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe 
 to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 - The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola.
1971 - In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica 
 Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt. 
 A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault. 
1977 - The first American diesel automobiles were 
 introduced by General Motors.
1981 - U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said 
 the U.S. had physical evidence that Russia and its 
 allies used poisonous biological weapons in Laos, 
 Cambodia and Afghanistan.
1988 - Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's 
 barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the 
 strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 - Israel and Palestine signed their first major 
 agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government 
 in the Gaza Strip and in Jericho.
1998 - The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers 
 added offensive material.
2001 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin 
 Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the 
 United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial 
 flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2013  smiled


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2 Million bikers mobilized in one week! 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Thursday, September 12

The 9/11 "Million Muslims March against Discrimination"
got roared over by about 2 Million bikers from Canada and 
almost every US state. 

Whining against discrimination on 9/11 hit a nerve in 
an awful lot of good people in North America.
The US/Canada border evaporated, and anybody, who had a 
bike and could afford the hotels, took off for DC, 
without notice.

The most incredible part of the backlash was the perfect
and lightning fast mobilization. We all know that the 
Government would NOT be able to mobilize TWO MILLION people,
and would not have a snowbal's chance in hell to get 
TWO MILLION people to one awkward spot in the country.

The cops gave up counting bikes when the number went over 
1 Million. "Well over 1 Million bikes, many of them with
a passenger". And it was all organized with practically no 
advance notice, just via newsletters, blogs and Facebook.

Big media, which is predominantly pro-democrat or 
pro-communism, hung back and ignored the build-up, hoping 
this patriotic outburst would fizzle.

When it did not fizzle, but succeeded beyond all expectations,
then the media had to grudgingly acknowledge it.

Bikers, whether they be sweet little old ladies or big, gruff
Vietnam vets or young widows of Afghanistan heroes or people
who have done Route 66, are as a group a lot more patriotic
and loyal to the country, than Toyota Prius driving yuppies
or any other group you care to name.

I wonder if the politicians are aware of the awesome power 
in that group, and the power of the Internet to mobilize
people?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going. --- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - ) Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. --- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Awww, just hold its nose." When she hit him with the skunk, it sprayed her.
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea, but every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Nikkita Frye, 34, Evansville, Indiana Jailed After Stripping Naked, Attempting To Punch Passing Cars Nikkita Frye, a 34-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly stripped naked and began attacking cars along Riverside Avenue. According to Evansville police, officers were dispatched to the area after witnesses reported seeing a naked woman that was jumping into traffic and attempting to punch cars as they passed. When officers located Frye a short distance away, she immediately laid on the ground - still without any clothing on. Officers at the scene covered Frye with a jacket until they were able to find her dress and talk her into putting it back on. During questioning, Frye appeared confused and was unable to follow basic instructions. She later told investigators that she had been using cocaine and bath salts prior to the incident. While officers attempted to process the scene, Frye continued to yell at and challenge pedestrians who had gathered nearby to watch the melee. When officers told Frye to stay next to a patrol car, she took an aggressive stance and began smacking her hands together as if she was attempting to provoke a fight with officers. When officers asked her to turn around so they could handcuff her, she resisted and attempted to punch them. Officers responded by taking her to the ground and placing her under arrest. She was booked into the Vanderburgh County Correctional Complex and charged with disorderly conduct, public intoxication and resisting arrest. While that kind of behavior is typical for bath salt users, the use of bath salts does not count as an excuse. The boneheads get charged for what they did, not for what they consumed. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Soap For A Stuck Zipper I have found that the easiest way to make a zipper work smoothly is to rub a cake of soap (any kind) along the zipper edges. That zipper with go up and down smoothly. By Mary from MI Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three Valley Girls were applying for the last available position on the Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview looked at the three of them and said, "So you'd like to be cops?" The Valley Girls all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file drawer and pulled out a file folder. He opened it up, pulled out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as distinguishing features in a suspect." He stuck the photo in the face of the first Valley Girl, and withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said, "Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?" The Valley Girl immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one eye!" The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said, "Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a profile of his head. You're dismissed!" The first Valley Girl hung her head and walked out. The detective then turned to the second Valley Girl, stuck the photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said, "What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding about this man?" "Yes," said the second Valley Girl. "He only has one ear." The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile of the man's head. Of course you can only see one ear. You're excused, too!" The second Valley Girl sheepishly walked out of the office. The detective turned his attention to the third and last Valley Girl and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but let's try this again." He held the photo in front of her for a few seconds and withdrew it, saying, "All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or unusual about this man?" The Valley Girl said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses." The detective frowned, took another look at the picture, and began looking at some of the papers in the folder. He looked up at the Valley Girl with a puzzled expression and said, "You're absolutely right. His bio says he wears contacts. How in the world could you tell that by looking at this picture?" The Valley Girl rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow! A talking chicken!"

» Magic Wings

Today, September 12, in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now 
 known as the Hudson River.
1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point 
 was fought in Maryland.
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.
1878 Patent litigation involving the Bell Telephone Company 
 against Western Union Telegraph Company and Elisha Gray 
 began. The issues were over various telephone patents.
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces 
 stopped the German offensive in France.
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful 
 transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women. 
 They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
 Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks 
 were French-built.
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the 
 bride's section of wedding vows.
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for 
 the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia.
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The 
 cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the 
 best examples of art from the Paleolithic period.
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by 
 German paratroopers from the Italian government that was 
 holding him.
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the 
 first time during World War II.
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee 
 Bouvier.
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last 
 show aired on September 12, 1971.
1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired.
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in 
 Boston, MA, due to opposition to court-ordered school 
 "busing."
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by 
 Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years.
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko 
 died at the age of 30. The student leader died while 
 in police custody which triggered an international outcry.
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had 
 emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier.
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of 
the legal U.S. music download market. 
2013  smiled


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Can you do split payments on PayPal? 



Good Morning,  !

Today is Wednesday, September 11
Nobody, except maybe some burocrats in DC, really expected two Million Harleys. I doubt, that there are two Million Harleys in running condition in the entire world. However, there are an awful lot of Yamaha and Honda look-alikes out there in very good running condition, and headed towards DC. By Tuesday mid-afternoon there were about 20,000 riders massing in Virginia. By Wednesday mid morning they expect to see over 50,000. Imagine that sound! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful what we pretend to be. --- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007) The first principle is that you must not fool yourself - and you are the easiest person to fool. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to sound like he knew what he was doing and went out walking with one of the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor tried starting a conversation and said, "Say, look at that big bunch of cows over there." The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' " "Heard what?" "Herd of cows." "Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em right over there."
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me." To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson. "And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does YOU to go to church."
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award go to Daniel R. Ricketts, 50, Albany County, NY Dopey drunk decapitated by his own booby-trap Albany County Sheriff’s Department reports that a man identified as Daniel R. Ricketts was driving an ATV in the backyard of his property Saturday when was nearly decapitated after running into a fine, nearly invisible wire that was among other booby traps he had set up around four large marijuana plants. The other booby traps included barbed wire and a leg trap similar to something used to trap coyotes. He said alcohol may have been a factor in the accident. Tech Support Pits From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful! Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Have A Painting Party Have a painting party. When we moved in to our new home, we wanted to get the painting done before moving all the furniture. We supplied the paint and the food. Friends and family had an enjoyable time and the painting got done in no time. By Kim from Franklin Park, IL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, ily swinging the cast iron frying pan, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Mona I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog. A neighbor was leaning on the fence watching my progress and asked, "What the heck's that for?" I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to determine the correct time." My neighbor shook his head and muttered,. "Huh, what will they think of next?"

» Magic Wings

Today, September 11, in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of 
 Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge.
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy.
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and 
 discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks 
 at the Battle of Zenta.
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the 
 Battle of Malplaquet.
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended 
 Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige.
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were 
 forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by 
 British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes 
 (American flag) were carried for the first time in the battle.
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in 
 the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT.
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The 
 Mexicans retreated with prisoners.
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and 
 Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the 
 Russian Black Sea fleet in the Crimean War.
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in 
 the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip 
 to appear in a newspaper.
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new 
 device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY.
1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President 
 Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first 
 hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack 
 any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters. 
 The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time.
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism 
 with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and 
 the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United States 
 into World War II.
1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the 
 Pentagon took place.
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased aorta 
 valve with an artificial valve made of plastic.
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation of 
 food stamps.
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South Vietnam 
 and was stationed at An Khe.
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the 
 Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot 
 sampling of a comet.
1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail" 
 while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In 
 the speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order 
 "freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit 
 of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace".
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that 
 thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba.
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after 
 290 years of union with England.
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the 
 U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible 
 impeachable offenses.
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were 
 intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade 
 Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City, 
 NY. One airliner hit the Pentagon in Washington, DC. 
 Another airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania. 
 About 3,000 people were killed. 
The world changed that day.
2013  smiled


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How to get a second Gmail address? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 10.

Do you remember the "2 Million Bikers to DC Ride"?

The bikers asked for a bit of financial help with permits 
and similar costs. 19 hours later they turned off the 
donations site, because too much money had come in.
Most of the money will be used for NEXT year's ride.

The ride is most definitely ON.

Imagine the sound of 2 Million (or almost 2 Million)
bikes, 4 abreast, from horizon to horizon!

DC granted a non-stop permit to Obamas friends, who have 
changed their name to "Million Muslims Against Fear rally",
probably because they don't expect that many to show up,
but denied a non-stop permit to the bikers. Apparently word 
got around that many of them are Veterans and/or don't seem 
to like Obama.

They wanted to ride an established route, which would have 
taken them past the VietNam Memorial to the Lincoln 
Memorial, across the bridge into Virginia, and that’s it!
With a Non-stop permit, 4 abreast at highway speed, that 
would have been 1 - 2 hours. Without the permit, going slow
and stopping at intersections, it is probably going to 
take more than a day. If anybody has trouble sleeping 
with the noise, tell the bozos, who denied the non-stop 
permit.

Click a LIKE to the bikers on their page:
https://www.facebook.com/2MillionBikersDC

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie, but admits that under analysis some of them won't stand up either. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
>From Dr Bill: One of my favorite "new priest" tales: The new Priest, Fr. O'Donnell, was being allowed to celebrate mass and preach the sermon on his own for the first time. After the service, his mentor Fr. Murphy was with him for a critique. The good old Priest observed, "You did foine wi' the service lad, and your mass was perfection itself, it was - but you did seem a bit nervous when you were off the page during the announcements -- it's going to be a Taffy Pull at St. Peter's, not the other way around
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway. Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with electric bikes!

Thanks to Lilly for this story: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Pry, 21. Jonesboro, Arkansas Air Duster Brain Fry Reported by the Weekly Vice Robert Pry, a 21-year-old Arkansas bonehead, was jailed Sunday after he allegedly spent the night inside a Kmart huffing 16 cans of air duster. According to Jonesboro Police, officers were dispatched to a local Kmart store early Sunday morning after employees found Pry dead asleep inside a storage room. Officers arrived to find two feet sticking out from a cubby hole underneath a set of stairs. Those feet belonged to Pry, who was covered with his own urine and vomit. Pry told officers that he entered the store just before closing time and hid out until the employees left. That's when he commenced huffing 16 cans of air duster. The empty cans were found scattered about the room where Pry was found unconscious. Pry also stated that he borrowed a friend's truck, drove to a nearby Walmart, and purchased $100 worth of air duster. Officers located the truck where they found several more empty air duster cans. Investigators say Pry spent "all of his money" on air duster, but wanted more. He later told police that he was "addicted to huffing." Pry was taken to a local hospital before he was booked into the Craighead County Detention Center. He was charged with commercial burglary, theft, inhaling intoxicating compounds and failure to appear. His bond has been set at $1,700. ---------- Now you know why I get hostile, when somebody suggests using air duster for blowing dirt from easily accessible places to harder to get to places. Kids and idiots have heard about huffing and want to experiment. Huffing is not always deadly, unless they use plastic bags to concentrate the gas, but it sure does not improve their intelligence! Tech Support Pits From: Denise Re: Second Gmail account Dear Webby, Can you help me find out how to get a new account with gmail, please? I would like to advertise some items and don't wish to use this account. Thank you Denise Dear Denise Go to https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail and create a new account. It will not be linked to your regular account. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Acetone to Save Dried Out Nail Polish An easy way to save your dried out nail polish is using a small amount of acetone or nail polish remover. Take an eye dropper and get a small amount of acetone. Source: my mom and the girl who does my nails By ciarappp12 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "Ah shore can! Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure" she responded.

» Radiant Pictures

Today, September 10, in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA 
 colony council.
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred 
 in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The 
 leader of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have 
 met the enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William 
 Henry Harrison.
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain.
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. 
 It was the first DWI.
1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. 
 It measured 8.6.
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved 
 coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and 
 General John J. Pershing who had served in the First 
 Division during World War I.
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of 
 St.Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence 
 of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. 
 The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.
1939 Canada declared war on Germany.
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline 
 rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, 
 Australia.
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama 
 at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and 
 Alabama governor George C. Wallace.
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto 
 Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack 
 on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an 
 attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950.
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German 
 refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with 
 past enemy Iraq.
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing 
 nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf War Crisis.
1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet 
 to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a 
 person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky.
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test 
 resulted in polling stations opening late and problems 
 occurred with the touch screen voting machines.
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit 
 opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of 
 American History.
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 
2013  smiled


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Trojan Horse Dropper 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 9.



Today, September 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.


Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) In politics, absurdity is not a handicap. --- Napoleon Bonaparte People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. --- Hermann Hesse
CHANGING A LIGHT BULB How many people does it take to change a light bulb? Charismatic : Only 1 Hands are already in the air. Pentecostal : 10 One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness. Presbyterians : None Lights will go on and off at predestined times. Roman Catholic : None Candles only. Baptists : At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad and fried chicken Episcopalians: 3 One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one to talk about how much better the old one was. Mormons : 5 One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him how to do it. Unitarians : We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey you have found that light ....blah, blah, blah Methodists : Undetermined Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service and a covered dish to pass. Nazarene : 6 One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy. Lutherans: None Lutherans don't believe in change. Amish : What's a light bulb? Rastafarians : You got a light, man ? God: Let there be light.
Thanks to Hilde for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "Did they get both ears with one shot? And how far away did they stand?"
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.

A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristine Johnson, 20, Orlando, Floriduh Sprang A Leak, And Gave Everyone A Peek Reported by the Weekly Vice Kristine Johnson, a 20-year-old Florida woman, was jailed Thursday after she allegedly stripped naked inside a UCF parking garage and went on a mini-rampage. According to police, officers were dispatched to Parking Garage H on the University of Central Florida campus Thursday night where they found Johnson stripped naked from the waist down. Investigators say Johnson urinated on a walkway and was attempting to pick fights with several people who passed by her. Johnson allegedly became combative with officers, refusing their commands and slapping them away when they attempted to restrain her. She also continued to curse, yell and pick fights with people passing by. She was booked into jail and charged with battery on a law enforcement officer, resisting arrest, exposure of sexual organs and disorderly intoxication. Johnson was also issued a trespassing warning from UCF officials because she is not affiliated with the school. Tech Support Pits From: Trish Re: Trojan Horse Dropper Dear Webby, Not sure if I have a serious problem on my 'precious computer' or not. Thought you would be able to set my mind at rest or scare me even more than I am. I only have AVG free at the moment but as I'm going to get a new 'precious computer' soon haven't upgraded to AVG Premium (or whatever it's called you pay for) or another virus program. AVG is telling me that I have Trojan horse Dropper. Generic8.BWEN and that it is in a game called Text Twist2 that I have had on my computer for at least 3 years. I downloaded this game from a reputable source originally. Why would it suddenly be infected with the above?. I do use my computer to do some bank transactions so I'm a bit nervous now. Thanks in advance, Trish Dear Trish Obviously your AVG did not stop that Trojan from entering your machine. Those free Anti Malware programs are worth about as much as you pay for them. Just get a reputable Anti Malware program like McAfee or kasperski, and get rid of that infection. When you get a new computer, you can install the Anti Malware program on that. It is good for 3 machines anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Shirts Directly From Washer I save time and money in the laundry room THIS way. When I take my clothes from the washer I hang almost all of the shirts on hangers, button the top bottom on button-downs, straighten the collars, tug on the sleeves, pull and smooth etc. From there, I either hang them on over-the-door hooks or on the wash line if the day is nice (even the shower rod is good if there aren't too many hangers to weigh the rod). When dry, they can be put straight into each person's closet. I also pay attention to the direction clothes are hung in each closet and hang the wet shirts accordingly so I don't have to re-hang them later. By Brenda from Deltona, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Dave One of my daughter's wedding presents was a toaster oven. Soon after the honeymoon, she and her husband tried it out. Almost immediately, smoke billowed out of the toaster. "Get the owner's manual!" her husband shouted. "I can't find it anywhere!" she cried, searching through the box. "Oops!" came a voice from the kitchen. "Well, the toast is fine, but the owner's manual is burnt to a crisp."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!!

» Solar Flares

Today, September 9, in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the 
 invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. 
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the 
 term "United States"
1836 Abraham Lincoln received his license to practice law.
1850 California became the 31st state to join the union.
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the 
 City of New York.
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed 
 Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike. 
 The force was made up of 1,500 men.
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a 
 hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire 
 to the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forest did 
 not ignite.
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic 
 of Korea.
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France 
 was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the 
 U.S. in the organization.
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
 they shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or 
 an error.
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian 
 kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was 
 released 44 months later.
1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on 
 espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations 
 employee.
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants 
 a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the 
 flight of refugees.
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S. 
 Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation 
 of U.S. President Clinton.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications 
 downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications 
 downloaded. 
2013  smiled


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How difficult are postcards? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 5.


Today, September 5, I have to go for injections into my 
eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks to Gary for this link to arctic ice. The barge operators
are not scheming to get research grants. They just want
to get back to Tuk before freeze-up.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Some cupid kills with arrows, some with traps. --- William Shakespeare (1564 - 1616) Say what you will about the Ten Commandments, you must always come back to the pleasant fact that there are only ten of them. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!"
MONDAY: For sale: R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who lives with him cheap. TUESDAY Notice: We regret having erred In R.D. Jones' ad yesterday. It should have read "One sewing machine for sale cheap. Phone 555-0707 and ask for Mrs. Kelly, who lives with him after 7 P.M." WEDNESDAY Notice: R.D. Jones has informed us that he has received several annoying telephone calls because of the error we made in the classified ad yesterday. The ad stands correct as follows: "For sale R.D. Jones has one sewing machine for sale. Cheap. Phone 555-0707 after 7 P.M. and ask for Mrs. Kelly who loves with him." THURSDAY Notice: I, R.D. Jones, have no sewing machine for sale. I smashed it. Don't call 555-0707 as I have had the phone disconnected. I have not been carrying on with Mrs. Kelly. Until yesterday she was my housekeeper but she quit!
Discover The Secrets To Building a 50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE with The Performance of a Motorcycle* and SAVE THOUSANDS on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs. Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike using parts available in your garage or online, so you can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in another traffic jam again. * Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.

A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing." "What do they say?" the priest inquired. They say, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" "That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed. Then he thought for a moment. "You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible. Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Peter. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship! "Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution." The next day, she brought her female parrots to the priest's house. As he ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying. Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison, "Hi, we're hookers! Do you want to have some fun?" There was stunned silence. Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and exclaimed, "Put the beads away, Frank. Our prayers have been answered. Let the orgy begin! AMEN!!"
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Juvenile Mourning Dove
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Quacheena Juett, 33, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh Jailed After Sicking 12-year-Old Daughter On Gas Pump Patron Who Wasn't Moving Fast Enough Reported by the Weekly Vice Quacheena Juett, a 33-year-old Florida woman, was jailed after she allegedly told her 12-year-old daughter to punch another woman at a gas pump, because that woman wasn't moving fast enough. According to police, Juett was parked behind another woman at a gas pump when she began yelling at the woman to hurry up and move her car. When the woman refused to move her car out of the way fast enough, Juett instructed her daughter "to handle that" at which time the 12-year-old punched the victim in the face with a closed fist. The victim reportedly moved towards her car to grab her cell phone, however, Juett ran to the victim's car and grabbed the cell phone before fleeing the scene with her daughter. Fort Lauderdale police used the phone's GPS technology and video surveillance to identify Juett and track down her current residence. She was taken into custody a short time later, but not before she managed to pawn the cell phone for cash. Juett was booked into jail and charged with burglary, battery, contributing to the delinquency of a minor, resisting arrest without violence, dealing in stolen property and probation violation. She remains held pending a bond hearing, which might be delayed considering her probation violation. Tech Support Pits From: Armond Re: How difficult are postcards? Dear Webby, I have been told that the only way I can increase traffic to my site is to either pay through the nose for ads, or set up postcards to attract visitors. How difficult is it to set up postcards? Armond Dear Armond If you are web literate and don't freak out at the sight of naked HTML, it's easy. You get the templates and simply replace the picture names. Instead of sample1.jpg you put in doggie1.jpg, and so on. You DO need to have your own pictures. Otherwise your site would be the same as others, and no reason for anybody to go to yours. Pick a narrow topic, that is of interest to YOUR potential clients, and build the site that has the best collection of pictures in THAT narrow topic. Then you will get plenty of targeted visitors quickly. To get the free templates, go to http://mypostcards.com/pro/ Start with the PRO. Not because it is cheap, but because it is very basic, without all the fancy options. That way you will easily see and understand the concept. You can always upgrade at any time, without losing your previous work. The only real challenge is finding pictures, that will be sent by YOUR target audience to others, who might be interested in your goods. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Bath Gel To Clean Tub Rings I use bath gel to clean bathtub rings. I get a cheap one or use one I have but don't like. This works much better than gritty cleansers, etc. By Monica from northeast PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
After one of the machines at work suddenly went on the fritz, our boss called the repair service and asked to speak to the manager, Ahmed. "Hello, Ed speaking. How can I help you?" said the guy who answered the phone. "Sorry," said my boss. "I was looking for Ahmed." "This is Ahmed," came the reply. "How can I help you?" "I thought you just said your name was Ed?" asked my boss. "It is. But whenever I say 'Ahmed,' people think I'm saying, 'I'm Ed.' So I figured it's just easier to be Ed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."

» Glow Worms

Today, September 5, in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National 
 Convention enacted measures to repress the French 
 Revolutionary activities.
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of 
 the Republic of Texas.
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet 
 of a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement 
 to a jail cell.
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster 
 for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 
 1881 in Michigan.
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.
1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and 
 Japan to end the Russo-Japanese War.
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British 
 and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on 
 International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. 
 The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities 
 within the labor organization.
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive 
 from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City 
 all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 
 1929 Ford Model A.
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was 
 suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist 
 "Tokyo Rose". She served six years and was later 
 pardoned by U.S. President Ford.
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in 
 Raleigh, NC.
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for 
 the first time in the U.S.
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in 
 light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, 
 Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal 
 offense.
1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is 
 the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed 
 record when he reached 229 mph.
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for 
 shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that 
 the Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 
 269 people.
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, 
 "U.S. News & World Report" for $163 million.
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white 
 neighborhoods for the first time.
1986 NASA launched DOD-1.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War 
 against the West and former allies.
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a 
 new agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers 
 were on strike.
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the 
 South Pacific.
2013  smiled


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Stretched pictures 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 4.

Thank you, Svend!

On Thursday, September 5, I have to go for injections
into my eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Thanks to Gary for this link to arctic ice.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs? --- Spike Milligan
The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned into Mrs Haggarty's outhouse!"

Last day for this link!
The First Cookbook Made For Getting Your Best Body With All Natural Foods. Discover The Delicious Body Sculpting Secrets That A Top Bikini Model Uses To Make Healthy Food Taste Great Without Damaging Additives! Get the Bikini Model Cookbook now!

The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rachelle Gendron, 27, Fitchburg, Mass. Sex Education Teacher - Jailed After Repeatedly Having Sex With Student Reported by the Weekly Vice Rachelle Gendron, a 27-year-old sex education teacher at North Central Charter Essential School, has been jailed after she allegedly had sex with a 14-year-old student. According to police, Gendron lured a student into a sexual relationship by sending him photographs of herself in various states of undress. Prosecutors noted that Gendron's breasts and genitals were exposed in the photographs. Gendron then had sex with the student three times in October 2012, once in January 2013 and another time in March 2013. Investigators say dozens of explicit text messages along with the photographs were recovered from the victim's phone and have now been secured as evidence. Gendron, who lives with her parents, taught at the school for five years. School officials announced Gendron's termination from her position shortly after her arrest. She was booked into jail and charged with rape aggravated by age difference and enticing a person under 16. She was released after posting a $2,000 bond. Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: Elongated pictures Dear Webby Love your Humor letter especially the tech help. You gave some advise on making things larger including pictures, can't remember when you gave it, I followed the instructions and things are larger. But my pictures are all elongated and another thing happened at the same time. When ever I hit my mouse it makes a loud click from my desktop when I change pages. Also on my IM the sub-titles across the top are like high lighted. What did I do wrong and how do I go back to the way it was? Thank you Darlene Dear Darlene The reason your pictures appear elongated is probably that you chose a setting intended for a wide aspect ratio monitor. Right-click on the desktop, Properties Settings and in there try different resolutions. I use 1600 x 1200. That looks fine on my monitor ( 14 1/2" x 10 3/4" viewing area ), and when I design a 5" x 6" ad, it measures precisely 5" x 6" on the screen. So, play with the resolution settings until you find one that suits your monitor and your eyes. Re the mouse click, you can set that in the Control Panel, Mouse. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Aluminum Foil For Cleaning Your Iron In the 40's, mom rubbed aluminum foil on the iron to clean it. By Dahl_Kaiser Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Frivolous lawsuits have led to lots of wacky labels: A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to "Remove child before folding" A prescription of sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without clothing.... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving." A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.˛" Awwww, why not? You can throw snow a lot further from up high! A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious" A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn" A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping" A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use" A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place" A Bathroom Heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms" A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution - Risk of Fire" A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Her: "How's your history paper coming?" Him: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful. Her: "Really?" Him: "Yes! So far I've located 17 people who sell them!"

» Tropical Edibles

Today, September 4, in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western 
 Roman Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself 
 King of Italy.
1609 English navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the 
 island of Manhattan.
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The 
 original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina 
 de Los Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as 
 "The Town of the Queen of Angels."
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station 
 began operations in New York City. It was the first 
 display of a practical electrical lighting system.
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered 
 in Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles.
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and 
 patented his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 
 exposures per roll.
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took 
 place to protest sweatshops.
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK.
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered 
 its first fatalities in World War I.
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," 
 began its maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ.
1944 At the end of World War II, British troops entered 
 the city of Antwerp, Belgium.
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The 
 car was so unpopular that it was taken off the market 
 only two years later.
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview 
 that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials 
 while visiting Vietnam in 1965.
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold 
 medal in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, 
 Germany. Spitz was the first Olympian to win seven 
 gold medals.
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 
 troops on the Polish border.
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air 
 Force's Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 
 200 satellites into space between 1964 and 1989.
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans 
 and mortgages.
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million 
 loan for the Ukraine.
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of 
 East Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from 
 Indonesia in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, 
 pro-Indonesian militias attacked independence supporters, 
 burned buildings, blew up bridges and destroyed 
 telecommunication facilities.
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber 
 to reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.
2013  smiled


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Zoom web pages without a mouse 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 3.

On Thursday, September 5, I have to go for injections
into my eyeballs. That means, there won't be any newsletters
sent out on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

This one is quoted VERY often: Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway That is the greatest fallacy, the wisdom of old men. They do not grow wise. They grow careful. --- Ernest Hemingway
Thanks to Chris for this story: My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: "G"-"O"-"D." "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Catholic education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?"
Thanks to ***** for this story: I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills. Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks. BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away. BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and... Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony. BUT FIRST I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys. And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because...., I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious. I should get help. BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail. ---------- AAADD ? or maybe Emailitis ?
ONE more day only!
The First Cookbook Made For Getting Your Best Body With All Natural Foods. Discover The Delicious Body Sculpting Secrets That A Top Bikini Model Uses To Make Healthy Food Taste Great Without Damaging Additives! Get the Bikini Model Cookbook now!

As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, estimated to be 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour a few Million years ago, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!"
In case you were not able to see the picture and link yesterday, try Oilfield Dodge 1920 Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tomeka Oliver, 39, Cincinatti, Ohio After Showing Up To Court Appearance Posing As Her 22-Year-Old Daughter Reported by the Weekly Vice Tomeka Oliver, a 39-year-old Ohio woman, was jailed Friday after she showed up for a court appearance posing as her 22-year-old daughter. According to police, 22-year-old Sarah Oliver was scheduled to appear in court after she was caught driving without a license. Instead, Sarah's mother, Tomeka Oliver showed up to court and pretended to be her daughter. The judge - who needs to start keeping his eye appointments - fined the woman $50 for driving without a license and then sent her on her way. When someone from the courtroom told the judge that the defendant didn't look like any 22-year-old they had ever seen before, the judge ordered Oliver back into the courtroom. The court quickly determined that the defendant was actually the real defendant's 39-year-old mother. Oliver was immediately cited for contempt of court and jailed until September 20. The judge also ordered a warrant for Sarah Oliver's arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Walter Re: Zoom without mouse Hi Dear Webby, how about mentioning that those of us with laptops and no auxiliary keyboard can accomplish the same thing by using CTRL and the respective - or + keys. Be well, live long, and prosper, Walter Dear Walter I guess you meant "without a mouse". Personally, I feel really sorry for any laptop users, who don't have a mouse yet. Any mouse, wired or wireless, can be used with any laptop made in the last 20 years. In case your mouse died or you forgot it at home or the last hotel, then Walter's advice will come in handy, CTRL and the Plus or Minus will accomplish the same. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Computer Use eyeglass cleaner to dust of the monitor and use a damp Q-tip between the keys. Use a feather duster to give it a dust, lightly over all. This works for me. You can't use anything strong on the monitor. By Evelyn from Detroit, MI Eyeglass cleaner is fine, so is window cleaner, dish-water and SimpleGreen in a sprayer. For the keyboard a damp, not quite dripping, shower sponge works best. That's the type of soft sponge, that is, or looks like a natural sponge. Dip it into clean dish-water, wring it a bit, so that it does not drip, and wiggle it over all your keyboards. Naturally you unplug your keyboards for that. You don't have to shut down, just unplug the keyboard. To dry them, any fuzzy towel will work fine. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A judge is at lunch one hot summer day and orders coffee with his meal. His companion says, "In this weather, you ought to order iced drinks, Judge -- sharp, iced drinks. Have you ever tried a gin and tonic?" "No," says the judge. "But I have tried many men who have."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
President Calvin Coolidge was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."

» Tropical Edibles

Today, September 3, in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster.
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great Britain 
 ended with the Treaty of Paris.
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive 
 an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH 
 on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio 
 broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared war 
 on Germany.
1943 Italy was invaded by the Allied forces during World War II.
1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time after 
 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years.
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam 
 under a new constitution.
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side of the 
 road and began driving on the right side.
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The unmanned 
 spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of the planet's 
 surface.
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the government.
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons, 
 worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug 
 lords.
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be 
 targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each other.
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over the 
 National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux became 
 the first player in the modern era of sports to buy the team 
 he had once played for.
2013  smiled


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Web pages too wide for monitor 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, Sept 2.
Happy Labor Day!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) ----------and they vote!
While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."
In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible."
Two days only!
The First Cookbook Made For Getting Your Best Body With All Natural Foods. Discover The Delicious Body Sculpting Secrets That A Top Bikini Model Uses To Make Healthy Food Taste Great Without Damaging Additives! Get the Bikini Model Cookbook now!

A college student, noticeably pregnant, keeps rubbing her side during a final exam. Before she leaves, the professor asks if she is OK. "I noticed you were holding onto your side," he says. "Oh, I'm fine," she answers. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's good," the professor says, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yes," she continues. "It's strange. We normally sleep during your class."
Oilfield Dodge 1920
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Bahmandeji, 33, Louisville, KY Woman Jailed After Falling Asleep Standing Up Inside Circle K Store, Carrying Drugs Melissa Bahmandeji, a 33-year-old Kentucky woman, was jailed Saturday after she was found sleeping while standing up inside a Circle K convenience store. According to police, officers were dispatched to a Circle K convenience store located on Dixie Highway Saturday night after receiving a complaint that a woman was sleeping inside the store while her children ran around unattended. Investigators say officers arrived on the scene to find Bahmandeji sleeping while standing in front of a Polar Pop machine inside the store. Officers woke Bahmandeji, conducted a search and found Suboxon inside her purse along with a spoon that contained heroin residue. Police believe Bahmandeji likely used one or both of the drugs in the store's restroom as her two children ran around the store unsupervised. Once Bahmandeji was taken into custody and placed inside a patrol car, she handed over two hypodermic needles - one of which contained what officers believe to be heroin. Bahmandeji was booked into the Jefferson County Jail and charged with public intoxication of a controlled substance, first-degree possession of a controlled substance, possession of drug paraphernalia and endangering the welfare of minors. Tech Support Pits From: Tearlach Re: Web pages too large for monitor Hi Webby, Your letters are fabulous because humour makes the world go round: I have no idea how long I have been a subscriber but have enjoyed every minute. Your technical knowledge is encyclopedic and your sharing with us shows a generous nature. I feel that I am trespassing on your good nature by passing my problem on but my web pages are larger than my screen and I cannot find anything in the help files which solves that problem - I just know that you can. Kind Regards Tearlach Dear Tearlach You are not trespassing at all. Click into a web page, hold down the CTRL key, then rotate the scroll-wheel on the mouse towards you. The page will shrink. Rotating the wheel away from you, makes the pages larger. You have probably seen the little picture I made about a dozen years ago: Well, nowadays everything zooms, not just the fonts. That comes in handy, if you want to enlarge a picture for a closer look. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Replace Fries with a Side Salad Since our budget is chronically tight, even fast food is somewhat of a luxury. I discovered something this week when ordering at our local Burger King. I already liked BK better than many other fast-food places because their burgers are broiled, not fried. After this last visit, I also know I can replace those calorie-ridden French fries with a healthier side salad. It tasted better, too. The salad was fresh and crisp; just what I'd been craving! Next time maybe I'll go even healthier by requesting the Lite Italian dressing instead of Ranch. By JustPlainJo from Springfield, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime I go to bed I think there's somebody under it. I'm scared. I think I'm going crazy." "Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink. "Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able to get rid of those fears." "How much do you charge?" "Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor." "I'll sleep on it," said Bubba. Six months later the shrink met Bubba on the street. "Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you were having?" asked the psychiatrist. "Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year is an awful lot of money! A bartender cured me for $10. I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and bought me a new pickup!" "Is that so! And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?" "He told me to cut the legs off the bed! Ain't nobody under there now!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Just before his scheduled operation, a man is wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair. A nurse stops him and asks, "What's the matter?" The man tells her, "I heard another nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor."

» Oceans Over and Under

Today, September 2, in
0069 Roman Lower Rhine army proclaims its commander, Vitellius, emperor
31 B.C. The Roman leader Octavian defeated the alliance of Mark Antony 
 and Cleopatra. 
0533 John II begins his reign as Catholic Pope
1235 Emperor Joseph II orders Jews of Galicia Austria to 
 adopt family names
1492 Spain recaptures Granada from the Moors (Granada Day)
1570 Tsar Ivan the Terrible march to Novgorod begins
1585 Spain & Catholic France sign Saint League of Joinville
1602 Spanish forces in Ireland surrender to the English at 
 Kinsdale
1757 British troops occupy Calcutta India
1776 1st US revolutionary flag displayed
1776 Austria ends interrogation torture 
1666 The Great Fire of London broke out. The fire burned for 
 three days destroying 10,000 buildings including St. Paul's 
 Cathedral. Only 6 people were killed.
1775 Hannah, the first American war vessel was commissioned 
 by General George Washington.
1901 Theodore Roosevelt, then Vice President, said "Speak softly 
 and carry a big stick" in a speech at the Minnesota State Fair.
1935 A hurricane hit the Florida Keys killing 423 people.
1938 The first railroad car to be equipped with fluorescent lighting 
was put into operation on the New York Central railroad.
1945 Ho Chi Minh declared the independence the Democratic 
 Republic of Vietnam.
1961 The U.S.S.R. resumed nuclear weapons testing. Test ban treaty 
 negotiations had failed with the U.S. and Britain when the three 
 nations could not agree upon the nature and frequency of 
 on-site inspections.
1985 It was announced that the Titanic had been found on September 1 
 by a U.S. and French expedition 560 miles off Newfoundland. The luxury 
 liner had been missing for 73 years.
1992 The U.S. and Russia agreed to a joint venture to build a 
 space station.
1996 Muslim rebels and the Philippine government signed a pact 
 formally ending 26-years of insurgency that had killed more 
 than 120,000 people.
1998 229 people were killed when a Swissair jetliner crashed into 
 the Atlantic near Peggy's Cove, Nova Scotia. The pilot had reported 
 smoke in the cockpit a few minutes before the crash. 
2013  smiled


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Picture batch compression/resizing program 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, Sept 1.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The reason why so few good books are written is that so few people who can write know anything. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. --- Socratex
A little boy was digging for fishing bait in the garden with his father. He uncovered a creature with many legs and proudly held it up for his father to see. "No, son, he won't work for bait," his father said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" the little boy said, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?"
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street. "But officer," the man said, "I can explain." "Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer. "... or I'm going to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back." "But officer, I just wanted to say ..." "And I said KEEP QUIET! Now you're going to jail!" A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back." "Don't count on it," said the man in the cell. "I'm the groom!"
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in a suburb of Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" He pulls the American from the car, slides into the drivers seat, and stamping his big boot onto the brake pedal yells "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christie Black, 43, Bulls Gap, Tennessee Woman hospitalized to remove stolen $5,000 from rectum Reported by Wayne A theft charge is pending against a Hawkins County woman who allegedly stole $5,000 from her boyfriend and was then hospitalized for injuries suffered, when she attempted to remove the cash from her “hiding place by using a toilet brush and BBQ tongs.” Around 1 a.m. Tuesday, the Hawkins County Sheriff's Office was dispatched to the home of Bobby Gulley, 249 North Ridge Road, Bulls Gap, on a complaint that his girlfriend was stealing from him. Gulley told HCSO Sgt. Michael Allen he’d “set a trap” for Christie Black, 43, also of that address, by placing two envelopes containing $4,000 and $1,000 in $100 bills in an old medicine bag. The medicine bag was then placed on a foosball table and Gully went to bed. Gulley said that when he woke up, he noticed Black was still awake, but the medicine bag and cash were missing. When Gulley confronted Black with the theft, Black reportedly vomited up a baggy containing partially dissolved pills. “He then asked her where the money was, and she admitted to him she’d wrapped it up and stuck it in her rectum,” Allen stated in his report. “Black admitted (to Allen) to taking the money and medication because Mr. Gulley was going to kick her out and she needed money for a place to live.” Sgt.Allen said Black attempted to remove the cash with a toilet brush and tongs but was unsuccessful. “She was bleeding severely and was transported to the Hawkins County (Memorial Hospital) emergency room,” Sgt.Allen said. “The wad of money was removed and collected as evidence.” An arrest warrant has been issued for Black charging her with theft over $1,000, but as of Thursday afternoon the warrant hadn’t been served because she is still hospitalized. As of Thursday afternoon, she remained listed in fair condition at Holston Valley Medical Center. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Picture Compression Program Dear Webby Here is an image optimization program that works well, and is free http://luci.criosweb.ro/riot/?ref=RIOT It gives you a side by side comparison of the image before and after. The re-sized image is saved separately so no changes to original image. It offers a variety of options and saves in different formats. It is capable of batch processing so the contents of a folder can take less time. It can work with RAW files from your camera, although that slows it down a bit. Neil Dear Neil Thank you for that link! RIOT looks like a very valuable tool, since it can process an entire folder in one shot. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Birthday Cupcake and Candle for Each Child When my kids were small, I noticed that at every birthday party all the kids would crowd around the cake to "help" the birthday girl/boy blow out their candles. So for my son's birthday I had a small birthday cake for the birthday boy and made a special cupcake for each child attending. Each cupcake was decorated with one candle and, with parents supervising, every child had a candle to blow out at the big moment. The kids were all excited to have their own special candle to blow out and no tears from the birthday boy because someone else had blown out his candles. I only wish I had thought of this years earlier! Source: Experience. The best of all possible teachers! By Chriself from Williamstown, NJ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The following ads actually appeared in the Times: ILLITERATE? Write today for free help. AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again. DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children. STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one. SEMI ANNUAL AFTER XMAS SALE DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. GREAT DAMES for sale. TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Tell you the truth, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's."

» Top Castles

Today, September 1, in
-312 -BC- Origin of Greek Era-Start of Indiction of 
 Constantinople
69 Traditional date of the destruction of Jerusalem
891 Northmen defeated near Louvaine, France
1267 Ramban (Nachmanides) arrives in Jerusalem to establish 
 Jewish community
1614 Vincent Fettmich expells Jews from Frankfurt-on-Main
1810 The first plow with interchangeable parts was patented 
 by John J. Wood.
1859 The Pullman sleeping car was placed into service.
1878 Emma M. Nutt became the first female telephone operator 
 in the U.S. The company was the Telephone Dispatch Company 
 of Boston.
1887 Emile Berliner filed for a patent for his invention 
 of the lateral-cut, flat-disk gramophone. It is a device 
 that is better known as a record player.
1894 A forest fire in Hinckley, MN, killed more than 400 people.
1905 Saskatchewan and Alberta became the ninth and tenth 
 provinces of Canada.
1923 About 100,000 people were killed when an earthquake hit 
 Tokyo and Yokohama, Japan.
1939 World War II began when England declared war over 
 Germany's invasion of Poland.
1942 A federal judge in Sacramento, CA, upheld the wartime 
 detention of Japanese-Americans as well as Japanese.
1945 The U.S. received official word of Japan's formal 
 surrender that ended World War II. In Japan, it was 
 actually September 2nd.
1951 The ANZUS Treaty, a mutual defense pact, was signed 
 by the U.S., Australia and New Zealand.
1969 Col. Moammar Gadhafi came into power in Libya after 
 the government was overthrown.
1979 The U.S. Pioneer 11 became the first spacecraft to 
 visit Saturn.
1982 Mexican President Jose Lopez Portillo closed all of 
 the country's private banks.
1983 A Soviet jet fighter shot down a Korean Air Lines 
 Boeing 747 when it entered Soviet airspace. 269 people 
 were killed.
1985 The Titanic was found by Dr. Robert Ballard and 
 Jean Louis Michel in a joint U.S. and French expedition. 
 The wreck site is located 963 miles northeast of New York 
 and 453 miles southeast of the Newfoundland coast.
1986 The Soviet Union announced the accident involving 
 the Admiral Nakhimov the night before. 448 people died 
 in the ship collision.
1997 In France, the prosecutor's office announced that the 
 driver of the car, in which Britain's Princess Diana was 
 killed, was over the legal alcohol limit.
1998 The movie "Titanic" went on sale across North America.
1998 Vietnam released 5,000 prisoners, including political 
 dissidents, on National Day.
2013  smiled


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Compressing picture files 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 31.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech. --- Socratex The right to be heard does not automatically include the right to be taken seriously. --- Hubert H. Humphrey The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein (1879 - 1955) ---------- My professors in college sure did not agree with that!
An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator, and some friends. He had them all time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student waited until the sun was going down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line, measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for other courses' exams. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied: "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy hour!"
Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach." "That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house." Mrs. Cohen sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Sarah does. Nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!"
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

Thanks to Bill for this story: Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my rather ample tummy. Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to help much, hon." I said, "Sure it does. How else can I see the numbers on the scale?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Donaldson, 21, Brooklyn Caught with his pants down: A cell phone robber fails to get away after tripping over his own sagging jeans Reported by Sailor A Brooklyn man who tried to make a getaway on foot after swiping a woman’s cell phone was caught by police when he tripped and fell over his own sagging pants. Police and eye witnesses say Joel Donaldson, 21, punched his victim Maria Soccoro, in the face Wednesday then snatched her phone and took off running. But as he ran, his ill-fitting jeans kept tripping him up until they were completely around his ankles. Officer Donovan Hunt was directing traffic nearby saw the struggling thief and heard Soccoro’s screams. With Donaldson handicapped with pants at his ankles, Hunt was able to tackle him to the shock and amusement of spectators. ‘He was zigzagging all over the place, but he couldn’t run because his pants was falling down,‘ witness Arlene Williams told the New York Post. ‘This cop saw it, and he went right after him,’ Williams said. Donaldson was hauled away by police just blocks away from Brooklyn’s criminal court. He has since been charged with robbery. Tech Support Pits From: Ilah Re: Picture compression Dear Webby: This question has been addressed before but I did not have the brains to print your response and put it on file. IT will be filed this time. How do you compress pictures? We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want to send copies to friends and family. I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter. It gets the day off to a great start. Ilah Dear Ilah When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example, straight out of the camera it is 2400x1800, for email it should be 640 x 480. So, first you change the physical size and save kitty27.jpg as kitty27-640.jpg. That preserves the original for your archive. Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the options and select the compression ratio. Compression does not change the physical size, it just changes the color depth, and the file size. Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is quite OK, but over 20% pictures tend to look a bit washed out. Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away with the compression, you can always start again from the big original. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Anything With a Slick Surface Can Be a "Whiteboard" You can make little "white boards" to use while working with kids or for them to use in the car with any pieces of cardboard that are coated with a slick surface. Or use a piece of metal painted a light color. I recycled several different surfaces, including slick portfolio covers and an old magnetic play board, to use when I was tutoring a lot. Use pens meant for white boards with them, of course. By pam munro Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the president of the company working late. I'll come down there to identify him and explain the system to him again."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what was wrong. His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife. She hired a new secretary for me." The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?" "Neither. Her grandfather is bald."

» Whether the Weather

Today, Aug 31, in
1823 Ferdinand VII was restored to the throne of Spain 
 when invited French forces entered Cadiz. The event is 
 known as the Battle of Trocadero.
1887 The kinetoscope was patented by Thomas Edison. The 
 device was used to produce moving pictures.
1935 The act of exporting U.S. arms to belligerents was 
 prohibited by an act signed by U.S. President Franklin 
 D. Roosevelt.
1962 The Caribbean nations Tobago and Trinidad became 
 independent within the British Commonwealth.
1964 California officially became the most populated state 
 in America.
1989 Great Britain's Princess Anne and Mark Phillips 
 announced that they were separating. The marriage was 
 16 years old.
1990 East and West Germany signed a treaty that meant the 
 harmonizing of political and legal systems.
1991 Uzbekistan and Kirghiziz declared their independence 
 from the Soviet Union. They were the 9th and 10th republics 
 to announce their plans to secede.
1993 Russia withdrew its last soldiers from Lithuania.
1994 A cease-fire was declared by the Irish Republican Army 
 after 25 years of bloodshed in Northern Ireland.
1994 Russia officially ended its military presence in the 
 former East Germany and the Baltics after a half-century.
1998 A ballistic missile was fired over Japan by North Korea. 
 The missile landed in stages in the waters around Japan. 
 There was no known target.
1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to 
 earn more than $600 million. 
2013  smiled


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Problems with updating Java 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 30.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Food is an important part of a balanced diet. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - )
For the first time in many years, an old man travels from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stops at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. He hands the attendant $1.50 and comments, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replies, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!"
While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife."
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

>From Pat As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a de- ceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up. After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card. It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind. The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent's name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card. "Pardon me," he asked hesitantly, "but how do you pronounce your husband's middle name?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kenneth Enlow, 52, Tulsa, Oklahoma Okla. man, pleads guilty to peeping from septic tank at public park Reported by Sailor A man found hiding in a septic tank under a women's restroom at a public park in Sand Springs has pleaded guilty to a peeping Tom charge. Kenneth Enlow pleaded guilty Thursday in Tulsa County District Court to the misdemeanor charge.The Tulsa World reports that Enlow was sentenced to one year in jail and a $5,000 fine. The 52-year-old man allegedly hid inside a permanent outhouse at White Water Park. He was arrested after a woman taking her daughter to the restroom saw someone looking at her from inside the toilet. A police report says firefighters pulled Enlow from the septic tank and authorities arrested him after he was cleaned off with a fire hose. Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Problem with updating Java Dear Webby, Thank you for the humor letter it is the way to start the day. I have (UGH) Vista on my machine and I keep getting notices to update Java. The problem is it won't update and when I try to unistall Java it won't do that either. Is there anything out there that can help me? Brenda Dear Brenda VISTA itself is not prohibiting Java. Most likely your machine is infected with some malware. I would run a reputable Anti-Virus program like McAfee or Kasperski, not Norton or one of the Freebies. After that, there should not be any problem with Java. Have FUN! DearWebby Later Brenda wrote: thank you that did the problem with Java Brenda
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Run with Clear Nail Polish To stop a run in your stockings, use clear nail polish at each end of the run. By LaTasha G. from Temple Hills, MD Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two Scottish nuns had just arrived to the US by boat when one said to the other, "I heard that the occupants of this country actually eat dogs." "Odd," her companion replied, "but if we shall live in America, we might as well do as the Americans do." Nodding emphatically, the mother superior pointed to a hot dog vendor and they both walked towards it. "Two dogs, please," said one. The vendor was only too pleased to oblige and he wrapped both hot dogs in foil. Excited, the nuns hurried over to a bench and began to unwrap their 'dogs.' The mother superior was first to open hers, then, stared at it for a moment, leaned over to the other nun and whispered cautiously, "What part did you get?"

» A Mass of A-Maze

Today, Aug 30, in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow.
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at 
 New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became New York.
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established 
 the colony of Pennsylvania in America.
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender 
 the West Point fort to the British army.
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last 
 railroad  link between Leningrad and the rest of the 
 Soviet Union.
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation 
 headquarters in Japan.
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a 
 defense pact.
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East 
 Germany.
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went 
 into operation.
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were 
 inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame.
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its 
 independence.
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper. 
 Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a 
 bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement.
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when 
 the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to 
 a merger.
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed 
 when the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull 
 snapped.
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for 
 independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the 
 result on September 4.
2013  smiled


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Sorting and moving files to an external drive 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 29.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

When the gods wish to punish us, they answer our prayers. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to entertain a thought without accepting it. --- Aristotle - or get hostile about it. --- Socratex
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife and her mother." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "Guess!" replied the old man
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii, where we went snorkeling. After an hour in the water, everyone got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man. As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that everywhere I swam, he swam. I snorkeled for another 40 minutes. So did he. I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, I asked him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long. "I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly. "I couldn't get out until you did."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kellie Workman, 36, Logan, West Virginia Jailed After Leaving Four Children Alone In House That Had No Phone, Food, Electricity Or Beds Kellie Workman, a 36-year-old West Virginia woman, was jailed Saturday after she allegedly left her four young children alone to fend for themselves - without a phone, electricity, food or even a bed to sleep in. According to the Logan County Sheriff's Office, deputies were dispatched to Workman's home after a neighbor became concerned about the welfare of her four children. Deputies arrived at the scene to discover a home that was in deplorable condition. Parts of the house had been torn down, doors unhinged, screens removed and toys were found strung across the yard. When deputies knocked on the door, several children (ages 5 to 13) answered the door. Deputies entered the residence to find a 1-year-old baby who was being cared for by the other children. When deputies asked the children where a parent or guardian was, the children answered that they had asked their mother where she was going, but she replied that it was "none of their business." Deputies soon-after discovered that the home had no electricity, no phone, no food and no beds for the children to sleep on. The home was filled with over-flowing trash cans and the children told police that they found their way around the house by using a flashlight. When asked, the children told deputies that they were frequently left alone at home. Workman was stopped as she arrived back home at about 11:30 p.m.. During a search, deputies found pills in her pocket that are believed to be Xanax and marijuana inside her vehicle. She was booked into the Logan County Jail and charged with four counts of child abuse/risk of injury to a child and two counts of possessing a controlled substance. The children were placed into the custody of Child Protective Services. Tech Support Pits From: Eileen Re: Moving and Sorting files to external drive Dear Webby, I want to sort my mom's chaotic collection of pictures, music and videos onto an external drive. She said it is easy and that you can 'splain that. So, how do I do that? Eileen Dear Eileen First set your search preferences to NOT include Windows system and operating directories. Then make folders on the external drive for JPG GIF Music Movies and open a file explorer showing the external drive. Next do a search for *.JPG It won't be fast, but eventually Windows will show you an explorer like indow withh all thd JPG files. Click on one, gently so as not to opne it, Hold down CTRL and click on A to select all then drag them into the JPG folder on the external drive. Do the same with GIF. Nowadays GIF files are mostly animated short movies. There will be the odd small logos, but it's easy enough to detect and eliminate them because of their small size. Then do the same with music and movies. Keep in mind that CTRL plus dragging copies, SHIFT plus dragging moves, and deletes them from the old location. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Goop as Laundry Stain Remover I bought a hand cleaner found at Walmart in the automotive section called Goop. I decided to try it on a stain one day, on my child's clothes, and it worked. Now I use it all the time. It even works on set in stains. Just wash your item then apply Goop to the stain and work it in. Let it sit 2-3 hours, stubborn stains maybe 3-4 days. Wash again and stains are gone. It's non toxic, and safe for pets and children. By coville123 If you don't see goop, ANY waterless handcleaner will do the same. However, it is extremely important, that you use it, BEFORE drying clothes! This applies to ANY stain removal trick. Drying heat sets the stain and makes it harder to remove. If you use a waterless handcleaner like Goop, just rub it in before you heave the item into the laundry pile. The stain will be totally gone, without leaving a rim. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
World War III. The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: ATTACK OR RETREAT? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli."

» U.S. Country Fairs

Today, Aug 29, in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
 regulating wagon brake.
1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle child 
 labor laws.
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and the 
 Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave the 
 island of Hong Kong to Britain.
1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry 
 Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan 
 defeated Dominick McCaffery in six rounds.
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's 
 chef invented chop suey.
1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of 
 France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down 
 the Champs Elysees in Paris.
1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to 
 officially accept the surrender of the Japanese.
1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was 
 used for the first time to treat cancer patients.
1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a 
 filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours 
 and 18 minutes.
1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge opened.
1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and Charles 
 ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean after 
 eight days in space.
1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil 
 War, was retrieved by divers.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein, in a television interview, 
 declared that America could not defeat Iraq.
1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank 
 accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of 
 the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against 
 Mikhail Gorbachev.
1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an agreement 
 to stay in the Soviet Union.
1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to 
 Somalia to guard the shipments of food.
2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to 
 carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560 
 miles, more than enough to reach any point in Pakistan.
2013  smiled


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Is C++ safe? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 28.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

I have never made but one prayer to God, a very short one: 'O Lord, make my enemies ridiculous.' And God granted it. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. (Whack) "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out on the sidewalk still does. Watch out, though, she is a wrestling coach!"
In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"
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A boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, probably less than a quarter of them."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to jason Tyrek Rogers, 20, in Poughkeepsie, N.Y. Police Make Arrest in the Cold-Blooded, ‘Senseless’ Murder of 99-Year-Old Woman A 20-year-old man in Poughkeepsie, N.Y., has been arrested and charged with first-degree murder and first-degree burglary in the “senseless killing” of a 99-year-old woman. Jason Tyrek Rogers was arrested on Friday at 11 p.m., two days after Police found Fannie Gumbinger, 99, dead in her home on Wednesday morning, according to Detective Lt. Edward Freer of the Poughkeepsie Police Department. Rogers is being held in Dutchess County Jail without bail or bond. Freer declined to provide a potential motive or even the exact cause of death, only saying that the elderly woman died of “multiple injuries.” Rogers is also a suspect in a number of recent burglaries in the area, police said. “Nobody should [live to be] 99 and die this way,” Police Chief Ron Knapp said during a Monday press conference. “It was a truly senseless killing.” Tech Support Pits From: Donny Re: Is C++ OK? Dear Webby, Noticed your advice in today's newsletter and thought I"d better ask. I have several files in my "Programs and Features" folder named 'Microsoft Visual C++" - from 2005 to 2010. I want to know if they are OK or should be uninstalled ?? I am running Windows 7. Thanks, Donny Dear Donny Yes, those are OK. What you got is for Windows. Her virus called for a utility library, that is not normally on a Windows machine. The Utility library would be quite OK, but when something calls for it on a Windows machine, then something is definitely wrong. You probably have the same libray on your machine, under a name, that is specific for a Windows machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Combine Sweetened And Unsweetened Cereal Buy 1 cheaper unsweetened cereal and mix with one presweetened cereal for less sugar and less money. By ptreskovich Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
On a warm summer day, Little Johnny was laying on a hill in the middle of a meadow. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. Then he said out loud, "God? Are you really there?" To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate. He said, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." Johnny said, "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny," God said. Johnny said, "Wow!" then he got an idea. He said, "You are so generous, God. Can I have just one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Nan At the Boeing Museum of Flight in Seattle, there is a full size mockup of an F/A-18 fighter. A ramp allows visitors to climb into the cockpit and get a sense of what the pilot sees and feels. A guide at the top of the ramp points out the various controls and gauges in the cockpit and gives information about the aircraft's capabilities to each visitor who gets in. When my three-year-old grand-son sat down in the plane, he seemed fascinated by all he saw and heard. Then, he looked out at us and said, "Gramma, could I have a quarter?"

» Audubon:

Today, Aug 28, in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson.
1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His policy 
 of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to outlaw 
 Protestantism.
1774 The first American-born saint was born in New York City. 
 Mother Elizabeth Ann Seton was canonized in 1975.
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It 
 was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be 
 built in America.
1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament throughout 
 the British Empire.
1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two teenagers, 
 Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name was later 
 changed to "United Parcel Service."
1916 Italy's declaration of war against Germany took effect 
 duringWorld War I.
1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled airplane 
 took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream" 
 speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than 
 200,000 people attended.
1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals 
 at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world 
 record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 
 2 minutes and 7/10ths of a second.
1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and renamed 
 Kuwait City al-Kadhima.
1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase 
 Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion deal.
1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and 
 Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year 
 marriage.
1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order 
 and legal system based on the Koran.
2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person 
 to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England, 
 to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes. 
2013  smiled


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Cutil infectiona 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 27.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

All generalizations are dangerous, even this one. --- Alexandre Dumas (1802 - 1870)
Thanks to Annette for this: An elderly couple had just learned how to send text messages on their cell phones. The wife was a romantic type and the husband was more of a no-nonsense guy. One afternoon the wife went out to meet a friend for coffee. She decided to send her husband a romantic text message and she wrote: "If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are drinking, send me a sip. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you." The husband texted back to her: "I'm on the toilet. Please advise."
The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years".
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A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Teri Jo Knee, 28, Bay City, MI Turned A Weekend Jail Stint Into A Five Year Felony Charge Reported by the Weekly Vice Teri Jo Knee, a 28-year-old Michigan woman, has been jailed after she allegedly used her vagina to smuggle drugs into the county jail. According to court records, Knee was sentenced to 60 days in jail last month after she was arrested and charged with domestic battery. Court records indicate Knee was arrested after she reportedly punched her child's father in the face and then clawed his arm bloody after the two had a disagreement. The judge reportedly granted Knee the option of serving her time over the weekends so she could continue to "work." Investigators say Knee was serving a weekend stint in jail when a fellow inmate told staff that Knee had smuggled drugs into the jail and was ingesting them along with two other inmates. Knee and the two fellow inmates were searched and submitted to urine drug tests. The test samples for the two fellow inmates came back clean, however, Knee tested positive for cocaine and benzodiazepines, according to court records. When officers questioned Knee about the results, she reportedly admitted to placing several pills inside her vagina before arriving at the jail to serve her time. Officers conducted a search and found additional pills and the condom Knee used to placed the pills inside her vagina. She was arraigned on a felony charge of bringing contraband into a jail or prison which qualifies her for an additional five year prison term. She is also scheduled to appear in court next month for violating her probation and no longer has the option of weekend jail time. Tech Support Pits From: Peggy Re: Cutil infection Hi Dear Webby, I have lost my Adobe Flash Player. Now, when I try to download a new one, it will only download to around 50% when a message appears that I must close the Internet Explorer and Cutil before I can complete the download. I can close Internet Explorer but I am not able to find out what Cutil is or where it is located. Please help. Thank you, Peggy Dear Peggy cutil is a collection of C++ utilities on Linux, but has no business being on a Windows machine. Run a complete McAfee or Kasperski anti-malware scan and get rid of whatever weird stuff has infected your machine. After that you should be able to download Adobe without a problem. Yes, I know, there are alternatives to Adobe, but there is no point in trying to download them into an infected machine. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. \ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. He was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a three-man business. "I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. "But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me." "Excuse me?" the young accountant said. "I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back." "I see," the young accountant said. "And how much does the job pay?" "I will start you at eighty-five thousand dollars." "Eighty-five thousand dollars!" the young man exclaimed. "How can such a small business afford a sum like that?" "That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

» Clodhoppers

Today, Aug 27, in
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to 
 his attacks on King Charles II.
1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by 
 the French National Assembly.
1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent 
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina.
1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was 
 published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story 
 was about the peace demands of England and France 
 being met by China.
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in 
 the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA.
1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet.
1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football 
 team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those 
 who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay 
 Packers. (NFL)
1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.
1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of 
 the Japanese government at the end of World War II.
1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December 
 of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the 
 first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet.
1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first 
 bombings from U.S. warplanes.
1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. 
 The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sank in 1956 
 in the waters off of Massachusetts.
1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. 
 A British communications satellite was onboard.
1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion 
 of 36 Iraqi diplomats.
1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared independence.
1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that 
 would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants.
1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed 
 the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon 
 Mir for financial reasons.
2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B 
 "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported 
 that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down."
2013  smiled


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Best File Transfer Program 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 26.

The starting point for the "9-11 Ride to DC" has been set:
Harley-Davidson of Washington, DC

Harley-Davidson of Washington, DC is located in 
Fort Washington, Maryland -just outside of Washington, DC.
9407 Livingston Rd, 
Fort Washington, MD 20744

Easy enough to find on MapQuest.

The exact route from there will probably not be released
by the police until closer to Sept 11.

Due to the number of riders, to complete the run before 
nightfall, the parade run will be at highway speed, and 
will probably go past various points of interest.

The police, of course, is reluctant to nail down an exact 
route, until they have a firm number of patriots 
participating.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Time is an illusion. Lunchtime doubly so. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001)
Panicking when her toddler swallowed a magnet; my sister, Betty, rushed him to the emergency room. "He'll be fine," the doctor promised her. "The magnet should pass through his system in a day or two." "How will I be sure?" she pressed. "Well," the doctor suggested, "you could stick him on the refrigerator. When he falls off, you'll know."
During the jury-selection process, the judge asked a prospective juror some questions. "Have you formed any opinion about the guilt or innocence of the man on trial, Mr. Ferguson?" "None whatsoever," Ferguson answered. "Are you opposed to capital punishment?" the judge asked. "Certainly not in this case."
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Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for this lovely pie." "If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously, "could you thank her for two pies?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Price, 29, Louisville, KY Jailed After Delivering Baby At Department Store, Tossing Child In Trash Bin Reported by the Weekly Vice Jessica Price, a 29-year-old Kentucky woman, was jailed last Wednesday after she allegedly delivered a healthy newborn baby inside a Kohl's Department store - then threw the child into a bathroom trash can before fleeing the scene. According to Louisville Metro Police, Price delivered a healthy full-term baby inside the women's restroom at the store before tossing the child into the trash bin. Store employees discovered the deceased child and called police. Investigators say the child was pronounced dead when emergency responders arrived at the scene. Evidence at the scene showed that the child's death was a deliberate act, according to the arrest affidavit. During a police interview, Price reportedly admitted to concealing her pregnancy before delivering the infant at the store and disposing of the child's body in a trash bin. She was booked into jail and charged with murder. Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: FTP Dear Webby, What do you use fro uploading files to he net? Is it really necessary, to buy an expensive file transfer program? Considering how sloppy Blogs are, it seems weird that uploading pages would require a $100 program. Sarah Dear Sarah You can use FileZilla. It handles regular and secure (SFTP) modes of file transfer, and is the most widely used FTP program. It is free, and updates are free too. You get it at https://filezilla-project.org You can have profiles set up for hundreds of different sites, and it remembers all the settings for each of them. Filezilla up and downloads multiple files at the same time and uses 100% of your connection. When uploading a big batch of pictures, that makes a huge difference! I have used FileZilla for a number of years, and i don't even remember the names of the expensive programs, that I used before FileZilla. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Microfiber to Clean Up Dog Hair Brooms don't do a very good job at picking up dog hair from the floor. I put a microfiber cloth around my broom bristles and secure it with a rubberband. TADA! It picks up the dog hair! By Ramona from Granby, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. They decided not to tell their husbands just yet.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball."

» I Can Fix That II

Today, Aug 25, in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius 
 Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta."
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic.
1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the 
 first U.S. public kindergarten.
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against 
 the Spanish government.
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar 
 region to Germany.
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan.
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were 
 shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati 
 Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers.
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the 
 U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic 
 missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union.
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 
 31 and became the first German in space.
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an antiaircraft 
 missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it was over 
 South Korea.
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left 
 Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that 
 national elections would be held.
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of 
 Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was 
 aimed at protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims.
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were 
 investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if 
 they "bullied" Intel into delaying new technology. 
2013  smiled


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CrapCleaner for Cookie control 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 25.

>From Trish in Oz
 I would love to be there to watch the 'march' by the 
muslims and the bikers in fact I'd love to be on one 
of the bikes. When is it and where I'm sure it'll be 
telivised, keep me informed, I'm sure you'll have more 
on it here, I had read about it somewhere lately.
Trish

Dear Trish
If I could afford it, I would be riding a bike 
from here to there, and back.

The 9-11 DC ride is on Sept 11 in Washington, DC, past the 
World Trade Center site, where a bunch of fanatic Muslims 
murdered over 3000 people on 9/11/2001
and where now some Muslims want to protest against being 
discriminated against.

The ride is getting organized. People are asked to contact 
their state HOG (Harley Owners Group) and sign up. 
Each state group will travel as a group and arrive well 
in time to assemble for a precisely coordinated ride-by.

As more news become available, I will post them.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Those who speak most of progress measure it by quantity and not by quality. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952)
Thanks to Annette for this story: A large jet plane crashed on a farm in the middle of rural Kentucky. Panic stricken, the local sheriff mobilized and descended on the farm in force. By the time they got there, the aircraft was totally destroyed with only a burned hull left smoldering in a tree line that bordered the farm. The sheriff and his men entered the smoking mess but could find no remains of anyone. They spotted the farmer plowing a field not too far away as if nothing had happened. They hurried over to the man's tractor. "Hank," the sheriff yelled, panting and out of breath. "Did you see this terrible accident happen?" "Yep. Sure did," the farmer mumbled unconcerned, cutting off the tractor's engine. "Do you realize that is Air Force One, the airplane of the President of the United States?" "Yep." "Were there any survivors?" "Nope. They's all kilt straight out," the farmer answered. "I done buried them all myself. Took me most of the morning." "President Obama is dead?" the sheriff asked. "Well," the farmer grumbled, restarting his tractor. "He kept a-saying he wasn't ... BUT you know how bad that sumbitch lies.
Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a State Police Officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five old ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - eyes wide and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "You weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit?" she asked. No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly... Twenty-Two miles an hour!" the old woman says a bit proudly. The State Police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the route number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask... Is everyone in this car ok? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time." the officer asks. "Oh, they'll be alright in a minute officer. We just got off Route 119." A bit later, the officer was still laughing, when he relayed the incident over the radio. A voice interrupted him and told him he better shoot them down quick, they were headed for the "401", the TransCanada. Now the "401" has been renamed the "1" in places, and "Highway Of Heroes" to honor the soldiers, who became fallen heroes in Afhanistan, and whose coffins are brought back on that highway.
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From Myrna Dear Webby, a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's compensation board letter. Do you still have it? Can you print it again, please? Thanks Myrna Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite, because I remember requests for it, when the Humor Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet. Dear Sir: "I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient. I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley,which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope. Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form. Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of beginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down onto me. This explains the two broken legs. I hope this answers your inquiry."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Jailed After Assaulting Husband's Testicles Until They Bled Sylvia Yazzie, a 39-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Sunday after she allegedly ripped apart her husband's scrotum. According to police, Yazzie and her husband were involved in an argument Sunday afternoon when she grabbed his testicles and and yanked them. Investigators say Yazzie pulled the victim's testicles with such force, the scrotum tore open and began to bleed. Not quite finished at this point, Yazzie then allegedly jumped on top of her husband and began choking his neck. The victim told police that he felt like he was going to lose consciousness during the attack. Yazzie explained her actions to police by stating that she was an alcoholic (the alcohol did it). Yazzie was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault with temporary disfigurement and domestic assault /aggravated assault. Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: CC and cookies Dear Webby, I downloaded Crap Cleaner today & did an initial cleaning. After that when I went to my msn page to get to mail I had to sign in again. If I do a daily cleaning will I had to do this every time? I saw a box that said I could run CC at startup. Is this advisable? I looked at the options tab & saw that I could opt to keep some "cookies". Will this make it so I do not have to resign in each time after running CC? Sharon Dear Sharon once upon a time cookies were evil and dangerous. Nowadays, they are your helpers. They facilitate signing in not just to your MSN, but to banks and stores, or to get you back to what you found on a previous search in a store. Personally, I have customized CC to leave my cookies alone. I still have to sign in to PayPal or the bank and a few other places, but I am using RoboForm to help me there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wet Vac to Unclog Toilet I had a clogged toilet that I could not fix! I tried the dawn soap, an auger, taking off the toilet and snaking the drain, vinegar and baking soda, drain cleaner; nothing worked, until . . . I shut the water off of the toilet (not the main water line), stuck my wet vac in there and boom! Gobs of toilet paper were sucked out, unclogging the brand new toilet I just purchased (American Standard 4). By lanyi1975 Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"

» Crowds

Today, Aug 24, in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in Louisiana. 
 Some settled in present-day New Orleans.
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil.
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding machine.
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to 
 Calais, France making him the first person to swim the 
 English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours.
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska 
 arrived in Nome.
1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany.
1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United States.
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in 
 reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of 
 German residents.
1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the 
 Soviet Union and England controlled Iran.
1944 Romania switched allegiances and declared war on Germany.
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S. 
 railroads to avert a strike.
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography 
 (CAT scan) was introduced.
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of 
 Jesus Christ went on display for first time in 45 years.
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about 
 Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet.
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion 
 grain pact.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" 
 that ran the Iranian government.
1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending 
 their eight years of war.
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations 
 to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq 
 after their invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Belorussia declared independence from the Soviet Union.
2013  smiled


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Humor: Problems with subscriptions 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 24.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits. --- Robert Heinlein (1907 - 1988) When people are free to do as they please, they usually imitate each other. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) Sure there are dishonest men in local government. But there are dishonest men in national government too. --- Richard M. Nixon
Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys."
A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down, and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" Scared, the bartender serves the man his Budweiser. This happens everyday for a week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck. He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand up for himself. "Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides to try it anyway. The next day, the hooligan returns, slams his fist down and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" "O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender. "A small Coke."
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Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, 32, Cedar Rapids, IA Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-bop-bop Jailed After the same thing all over again Beezow Doo-doo Zopittybop-bop-bop, a 32-year-old Iowa bonehead, has been jailed after he was arrested on felony drug charges. According to police, an officer on patrol pulled Beezow over after watching his minivan weave back and forth between lanes. Officers conducted a search of the minivan and uncovered more than a half-ounce of marijuana. Beezow, whose birth name was Jeffrey Wilschke before he had it legally changed, got a Bonehead Award in January 2012 when he was arrested on similar charges. Beezow was booked into jail and charged with felony possession of a controlled substance with intent to deliver, possession of drug paraphernalia and operating a motor vehicle without registration. Tech Support Pits From: Hank Re: Can't get the newsletter Dear Webby, I have a problem. I have not been able to receive your daily humor letter. Since your last eye injection, when you did not put out a letter, I have not received a daily letter. My ISP, which has been providing mail service is not in any way filtering the e-mail. You are not spam. I then subscribed using my GMAIL. A confirmation letter came and I responded, still no letter in my G-MAIL. I then unsubscribed from both the G-MAIL and IncrediMail and then subscribed again and received a confirmation from you.. Today I subscribed again and received the message that both my e-addresses were in your database. I can only read your daily letter by putting"Dear Webby" in my search engine. What can I do? Thanks! Hank Dear Hank Two versions, Regular Font and Large Font, have been sent to you every day to ******@andycable.com I don't know what your gmail address is. Check your Spam folder or if you don't see your subscriptions there, the spam folders of your ISP. Once your newsletters are in the andycable.com server, there is nothing more, that I can do about them. With Gmail, you can check your spam folder easily enough, drag stuff out of that into your INbox, and even make a filter to make sure, your newsletters will never be put into spam again. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and asked, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man is driving home late one afternoon, and he is driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that you were trying to make her go back to me." "Get outa here!"

» Mountain Meadows

Today, Aug 24, in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000 
 people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum 
 were buried in volcanic ash.
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized 
 the fall of the Western Roman Empire.
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed.
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French 
 Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000 
 people.
1814 Washington, DC, was invaded by British forces that 
 set fire to the White House and Capitol.
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius 
 Swarthout.
1891 Thomas Edison got patents for the kinetoscope and 
 kinetograph
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across 
 the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark, 
 NJ, took about 19 hours.
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went into 
 effect. The agreement was that an attack against any one of 
 the parties would be considered "an attack against them all."
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S. 
 when the Communist Control Act went into effect.
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong 
 was sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator 
 while Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first 
 Japanese-American U.S. representative.
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches 
 becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier.
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they 
 exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific.
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South 
 Africa as racial violence rocked the country.
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people 
 were left stranded.
1989 The U.S. space probe, Voyager 2, sent back photographs 
 of Neptune.
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait.
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the 
 head of the Communist Party.
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic relations.
1995 Microsoft's "Windows 95" went on sale.
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the 
 evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to 
 the VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for 
 U.S. missiles on August 20, 1998.
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties, 
 to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse 
 Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used 
 in 1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians.
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle 
 out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family 
 in a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer.
2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the 
 Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found 
 about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it 
 would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would 
 be known.
2005 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet" 
 by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's 
 status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an 
 object qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the 
 three rules because it orbits the sun and is large enough 
 to assume a nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has 
 an oblong orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it 
 disqualified Pluto as a planet. 
2013  smiled


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Browser Size 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, August 23.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!



The 2 Million Bikes ralley is shaping up!
If you can ride, or drive a support vehicle, contact

A permit from DC is expected this morning, and one from the 
police later on today. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don't need to be done. --- Andy Rooney (1919 - ) "Only those who dare to fail greatly can ever achieve greatly." --- Robert F. Kennedy
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay. "Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?" The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"
An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old trick for just such an occasion. "Try peeing on it," the Mountie said, "That should thaw it." "Can't," replied the rider. So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, even though it was physics, I told him I was a music major. "So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music." "He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version From my friend Lee... Sloans Lake Sunset. Denver Beauty! Cookie
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joscilin Smith, 28, and Aaron Roland, 29, Mesa, AZ Couple Jailed After Scorching 4-Year-Old With Boiling Water, Refusing Medical Care Joscilin Smith, 28, and Aaron Roland, 29, have been jailed after they allegedly scorched their son with a pot of boiling water - then refused to get the boy medical treatment for his severe burns. According to police, Smith and Roland were involved in a heated argument late last month when Smith picked up a pot of boiling water and tried to burn Roland with it. Smith succeeded in burning Roland, however a large amount of the boiling water landed on the couple's 4-year-old son - leaving him with severe burns to his arms, legs and back. The boy also suffered 2nd-degree burns to 8% of his body, according to court documents. Investigators say Roland sought medical treatment for himself the same day, but neither parent wanted to take the child to a hospital, fearing they would be charged with child abuse and possibly lose custody of their seven children. The child's injuries reportedly came to light Friday when an officer dropped by the residence to conduct a welfare check on the boy. Initially, Smith and Roland told the officer that the boy was away visiting relatives. When the officer checked the residence anyway, the boy was found hidden inside a closet. The boy was transported to a local hospital where he was treated for burns that hadn't received medical care for 14 days. Smith was booked into jail and charged with aggravated assault and three counts of child abuse. Roland was booked into jail and charged with one count of child abuse. Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: Browser size my screen opens edge to edge on width but stays open about three inches from the bottom.it’s not a big thing but I loose some of the bottom lines.is there a setting for this besides f11or using the max button? daniel Dear Daniel Most browsers open to the same size, as they were last used. Just hit the top bar, and it should open full size. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Her big church wedding was fast approaching, and my friend was delighted to hear that her mom, emerging from a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress. Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her new young stepmother had purchased the same dress. My friend asked her stepmother to buy another dress since her mom had already altered her purchase. Her new stepmother refused. After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, the bride's mom found a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve. When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied, "I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"

» Mountain Meadows

Today, Aug 23, in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with China.
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by 
 John H. Stedman.
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for cars.
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war 
 on Germany in World War I.
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-aggression
 treaty.
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion 
 Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would 
 abandon the Axis and join the Allies.
1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during WWII.
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect.
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the 
 U.S. and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite.
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel 
 president. He was assassinated three weeks later.
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling 
 cigarettes to children.
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again.
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been 
 buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week.
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in 
 the Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During 
 the 43 day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds.
2013  smiled


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Humor: Precise picture positioning in WORD 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, August 22.


"A million muslims surrounded by 2 million hogs!”
Muslims plan to make a "Million Muslims" march in DC.
Their march is to protest “anti-Islamic bigotry in the U.S.” 
and then turned into a “March Against Fear”.

The motto of the bikers is “To honor those who were killed 
on 911 and our armed forces who fought those who 
precipitated this attack!”

If you can ride, or drive a support vehicle, contact the
organizers of the ride!

All the patriot Riders, that have protected the families of 
fallen heros from the Westboro Perverts, will of course be 
there too.

Even if there are only 1 1/2 million bikes, that is going 
to be an awesome sound!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It's amazing how quickly the kids learn to drive a car, yet are unable to understand the lawnmower, snow blower, or vacuum cleaner. Q: What's the difference between a church bell and a politician? A: A church bell peals from the steeple. --- Stan Kegel Old age is when former classmates are so gray and wrinkled and bald, they don't recognize you.
>From NanaRina A Chinese guy goes into a Jewish-owned establishment to buy black bras, size 38 D. The Jewish store keeper, known for his skills as a businessman, Says that black bras are rare and that he is finding it very difficult to buy them from his suppliers. Therefore he has to charge $50.00 for them. The Chinese guy buys 25 bras He returns a few days later and this time orders fifty. The Jewish owner tells him that they have become even harder to get and charges him $60.00 each. The Chinese guy returns a month later and buys the store's remaining stock of 50, and this time for $75.00 each. The Jewish owner is somewhat puzzled by the large demand for black size 38 D bras and asks the Chinese guy, & I quote "...please tell me - What do you do with all these black bras?" The Chinese guy answers: "I cut them in half and sell them as skull caps to Jewish men for $200.00 each."
Many girls like to marry a military man - he can cook, sew, and make beds and is in good health, and he's already used to taking orders snd getting yelled at.
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

Here is a picture of the mayor wishing Dad a happy 90th birthday Dad's 90th
Thanks to Cookie for this pictur of lightning in her area: Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Francis Edwards Jr., 15, Michael Dewayne Jones, 17, and Chancey Allen Luna, 16, all of Duncan, Okla. Read more: http://www.ctvnews.ca/world/teens-charg ... z2ceucpUgu Murder just for fun DUNCAN, Okla. -- With a motive that's both chilling and simple -- to break up the boredom of an Oklahoma summer -- three teenagers randomly targeted an Australian collegiate baseball player who was attending school in the U.S. and killed him for fun, prosecutors said as they charged two of the boys with murder. Prosecutor Jason Hicks on Tuesday called the boys "thugs" as he described how Christopher Lane, 22, of Melbourne, was shot once in the back and died along a tree-lined road on Duncan's well-to-do north side. He said the three teens, from the grittier part of town, chose Lane at random and that one of the boys "thinks it's all a joke." Hicks charged Chancey Allen Luna, 16, and James Francis Edwards Jr., 15, with first-degree murder. Under Oklahoma law they will be tried as adults. Michael Dewayne Jones, 17, was charged with using a vehicle in the discharge of a weapon and with accessory to first-degree murder after the fact. He is considered a youthful offender but will be tried in adult court. Jones wept in the courtroom after he tried to speak about the incident but was cut off by the judge who said it wasn't the time to sort out the facts of the case. Jones faces anywhere from two years to life in prison if convicted on the counts he faces. The two younger teens face life in prison without parole if convicted on the murder charge. "I'm appalled," Hicks said after the hearing. "This is not supposed to happen in this community." In court, Hicks said Luna was sitting in the back seat of a car when he pulled the trigger on a .22 calibre revolver and shot Lane once in the back. Hicks said Jones was driving the vehicle and Edwards was in the passenger seat. The two younger boys were held without bail, while bail for Jones was set at $1 million. The mother of the murderer: "I know my son. He is a good kid," she said. Tech Support Pits From: Allen Re: Precise picture positioning in WORD Dear Webby, How can I position a picture with word at the precise place where I want it, intead of where WORD wants to put it? Thanks Allen Dear Allen That's a secret, as far as Microsoft is concerned,but it can be done quite easily. Click on the picture to make it active. Then click on the little doggie icon for Text Wrap. Select TIGHT. The picture will probably scoot off to somewhere else, where it is not suppoded to be, often on the next page. Click on it a couple of times and then you can drag it to where it belongs. It will probably change it's width and hight in the process, but now you can squish it to the exact size you want, andyou can even rotate it. The TIGHT text wrap setting will make the text flow around it and match the contours. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Cleaning Cloth And Water For Eyeglasses I called up my optical place where I bought my glasses. They have free cleaning cloths just for my glasses which are progressive lenses. I wash them often in warm water, squeeze it out, and lay it to dry. I do not put in the washer or dryer at all. This works for me and perhaps it will for you all as well. By Sarah Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
"Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in sea. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for rain!"

» Fresh Water Fish

Today, Aug 22, in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's 
 King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth 
 Field. His successor was Henry V II.
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of 
 Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
 Netherlands.
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called 
 Parliament and its soldiers traitors.
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when 
 Captain James Cook landed there.
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state 
 of open rebellion by England's King George III.
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico.
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the English 
 coast to win a trophy that became known as the America's Cup.
1865 A patent for liquid soap wwent to William Sheppard.
1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt 
 became first president of the United States to ride in a car
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began 
 to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with 
 horn cabinet, sold for $200.
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea.
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa" 
 had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The 
 painting reappeared two years later in Italy.
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during 
 World War II.
1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters perform. 
 It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.
1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne 
 had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy 
 Rockefeller family.
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked 
 to withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games.
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly 
 line in New Stanton, PA.
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the 
 late Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
 nuclear contamination lawsuit.
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S. Embassy 
 in Kuwait would not be closed under President Saddam 
 Hussein's demand.
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest the 
 summer-long cigarette shortage.
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the collapse 
 of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he purged the men 
 that had tried to oust him.
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out 
 against foreigners.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended 
 guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
 recipients.
2013  smiled


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Game not working after Windows update 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, August 21.

>From Rita
Dear Webby,

  Thank you for your help..I backed up all my files and 
ran a full scan with McAfee..I ran the Smart PC fixer and 
it seemed to have fixed the problem..when I rebooted the 
comp..it showed it was checking system in 3 stages in my 
comp. seems to be alright..so hopefully I won’t have this 
problem again..Thank you so much for your help..

Rita

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Late to bed and late to wake will keep you long on money and short on mistakes. --- Aaron McGruder, T "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." --- Edmund Burke "Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all -- the apathy of human beings." --- Helen Keller "The world is a dangerous place to live, not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don't do anything about it." --- Albert Einstein
A patient was waiting nervously in the examination room of a famous specialist. "So who did you see before coming to me?" asked the important doctor. "My local General Practitioner, Dr. Cohen." "Your GP?" scoffed the doctor. "What a waste of time. Tell me, what sort of stupid and useless advice did Cohen give you?" "He told me to come and see you."
General Joe Whigham is ordered by the Secretary of Defense to gather together a Navy Lieutenant and Captains from the Army, Marine Corps and Air Force to discover why the services have trouble communicating with each other. He begins by saying that their first project task is to "secure" a certain building and asks each of them to go home and prepare a list of steps for the project management plan and bring them to the meeting the next morning. The Navy Lieutenant calls his Master Chief and says, "Tell those swabs to: -- Unplug the coffeepots -- Turn off the computers -- Turn out the lights -- Lock the doors and leave the building unoccupied The Army Captain has his list in his note pad: -- Assemble the company -- Appoint guard mount and Sergeant of the Guard -- Take control of all exits -- Make sure no one gets into the building without a pass The Marine Corps Captain writes down her steps on the palm of her hand: -- Assemble the platoon and supplies -- Approach the building along three axes -- Bring the building under mortar and SAW fire -- Assault the building under covering fire -- Sequester surviving prisoners -- Establish lanes of fire -- Prepare artillery calls -- Repel counterattacks The Air Force Captain types his list into his laptop: -- Contact real estate agent -- Negotiate 1-year lease -- Be sure to get option to buy
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- who can he brag to?"
Click on the picture for the large version
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sean Lewis, 45, Daytona, Floriduh Mother calls deputies on son keeping gator in bathtub Reported by Helen A Deltona woman called deputies on her son after he didn't remove a baby alligator he kept in a bathtub in her home, Volusia deputies said. Sarah Boston said she asked her son to get the reptile out of the house, which he said he would do after a few days, but after several days the gator was still in the tub, so she called deputies to take it away, an arrest report shows. Sean Lewis 45, was arrested Monday and charged with alligator poaching. He is in the Volusia County Branch Jail on $2,500 bail, a booking officer said Tuesday. Deputies found the tub set up like an aquarium. It had water and inside the tub were two pieces of cinder block on which the alligator could climb to sun itself. An artificial light served as the sun, deputies said. Lewis told investigators a female friend dropped off the alligator at his place and was supposed to come back for it but did not, reports show. ----------- That'll teach him to obey ma! She is probably not going to bail him out until he gets a haircut. Tech Support Pits From: Randall Re: Game not working after Windows update Webby I have enjoyed your info for numerous years now and have always gotten a quick and helpful reply to any questions or problems i have had in the past. I bought a new computer game a couple of months back and have not had any problems installing it or playing it for months till i had a update last week and it would not(my laptop) would not let me sign in to the game. On the games websites forum page it said that the update was the cause of the problem and to just take the update off the list of updates. The person said that it was a problem with the way the update was written and it would always cause problems...So i went in the update list and changed my setting to let me know when the updates was available and which ones to install... The update number is KB2859537 dealing with security or the laptop i presume...was i told the whole truth and did i do the correct thing in changing my settings and not installing the above mentioned update. Again i anxiously await a reply to help me out with this new problem i am having. Thanks for the smile everyday. Randall Dear Randall The game peddlers lied to you. The updates went out to many Millions of people, without any problems. Windows WITH that update is the current and official Windows. Just your game can't handle it. Microsoft is not going to change Windows because of one game peddler, who can't cope with normal security. You can run without current security and use the game, or you can demand a game update, that can handle standard Windows updates. If enough people complain, they will fix their problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Mugs Into Gift Candles A good way to use old mugs or even punch cups is to set a few cups on a tray, each one containing store bought votives (normally it takes two). Set the tray in the oven on 250 degrees F and let the candles melt. Remove one of the wicks and leave the other one. As the candle begins to cool, straighten the wick up into the center. There you have it. A lovely handmade gift for about a dollar! (Cups can be purchased at thrift shop most often for 25 cents or watch for them at rummage sales!) By melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO Keep in mind that as the wax cools in cups, it often forms cavities, air bubbles. If you don't lance them with a hot nail, then you may have a fire bomb. When hot luid wax runs down into a hot air cavity,it often shoots a geysir of hot wax past the flame, where it ignites. Burning wax spraying around tends to turn a romantic setting into a disaster zone. It doesn't happen every time, but since you only die once, once is quite enough. Always lance the center of candles, stick the wick in then and pour hot wax into the hole made by your hot nail. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bubba, an airline mechanic, was bragging to his boss one day, "you know, I know everyone there is to know. Just name someone, anyone, and I know them." Tired of his boasting, his boss called his bluff, "OK, Bubba how about Tom Cruise?" "Sure, yes, Tom and I are old friends, and I can prove it." So Bubba and his boss fly out to Hollywood and knock on Tom Cruise's door,and sure enough, Tom Cruise, shouts, "Bubba! Great to see you! You and your friend come right in and join me for lunch!" Although impressed, Bubba's boss is still skeptical. After they leave Cruise's house, he tells Bubba that he thinks Bubba's knowing Cruise was just lucky. "No, no, just name anyone else," Bubba says. "Former President Bush", his boss quickly retorts. "Yep", Bubba says, "I know him, let's fly out to Texas" and off they go. There Bush spots Bubba on the tour and motions him and his boss over, saying, "Bubba, what a surprise, I was just on my way to a meeting, but you and your friend come on in and let's have a cup of coffee first and catch up." " Well, the boss is very shaken by now, but still not totally convinced. After they leave Texas, he expresses his doubts to Bubba, who again implores him to name anyone else. "The new Pope", his boss replies. "Sure!" says Bubba. "I've known the Pope a long time" So off they fly to Rome. Bubba and his boss are assembled with the masses in Vatican Square when Bubba says, "This will never work. I can't catch the Pope's eye among all these people. Tell you what, I know all the guards so let me just go upstairs and I'll come out on the balcony with the Pope." and he disappears into the crowd headed toward St. Peter's. Sure enough, half an hour later Bubba emerges with the Pope on the balcony. But by the time Bubba returns, he finds that his boss has had a heart attack and is surrounded by paramedics. Working his way to his boss's side, Bubba asks him, "What happened?" His boss looks up and says, "I was doing just fine until you and the Pope came out on the balcony, and then the Japanese tourist standing next to me asked, "Who's that on the balcony with Bubba?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sitting in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."

» Artistic Edibles

Today, Aug 21, in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took 
 possession of Santa Fe, NM.
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
 in Virginia. He was later executed.
1841 Patent for venetian blinds was issued to John Hampton.
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs.
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed 
 forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their 
 partner.
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska 
 had been the last North American foothold held by the 
 Japanese.
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program 
 that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's 
 Allies during World War II.
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President Eisenhower 
 also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army 
 troops and police began to crackdown on the Buddhist 
 anti-government protesters.
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the 
 Neptune moon called Triton.
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail 
 Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse 
 was led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin.
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft. 
 The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost 
 $980 million.
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it 
 had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was 
 potentially contaminated with E. coli. It was the largest 
 food recall in U.S. history.
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the 
 United States.
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf 
 unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He extended 
 his term in office and granted himself powers that included 
 the right to dissolve parliament.
2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to 
 oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's 
 rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide 
 the country out of 14 years of civil war.
2013  smiled


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Can you send Internet Postcards via fax? 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 20.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Television is the first truly democratic culture - the first culture available to everybody and entirely governed by what the people want. The most terrifying thing is what people do want. --- Clive Barnes Today, there are three kinds of people: the have's, the have-not's, and the have-not-paid-for-what-they-have's. --- Earl Wilson
Thanks to Sandie, a blonde, who is allowed to tell blonde jokes, for bringing back this classic: A business man got on an elevator. When he entered, there was a blonde already inside who greeted him with a bright, "T-G-I-F." He smiled at her and replied, "S-H-I-T." She looked puzzled and repeated, "T-G-I-F," more slowly. He again answered, "S-H-I-T." The blonde was trying to keep it friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile, and said as sweetly as possibly, "T-G-I-F." The man smiled back to her and once again, "S-H-I-T." The exasperated blonde finally decided to explain. 'T-G-I-F' means 'Thank Goodness It's Friday.' Get it, duuhhh?" The man answered, "S-H-I-T' means 'Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."
"Doctors at a hospital in Brooklyn, New York have gone on strike. Hospital officials say they will find out what the Doctors' demands are, as soon as they can get a nurse over there to read the picket signs."
Back by popular demand!
GuiltFREE! Simple Recipes You Can Use To Whip-up All-natural, Gluten-free, Diabetic-safe, Mouthwatering Desserts. Includes Gingerbread and the Famous Fat Burning Brownies! Enjoy GuiltFREE! deserts and ease off any excess weight! LOOSE weight and enjoy the goodies without guilt! You get a bunch of bonus books just for looking!

An office reports that they have an answering machine that instructs callers to leave their name and address, and to spell any difficult words. Early one Monday when the secretary was reviewing the weekend messages, she heard an enthusiastic young woman recite her name and address and then confidently offer, "My difficult word is reconciliation. R-E-C-O-N-C-I-L-I-A-T-I-O-N."
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Jamtland N.Sweden
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, 28, Ft Myers, Floriduh Jailed After Giving Herself A Black Eye, Falsely Claiming That She Had Been Kidnapped And Robbed Ashley Bernice Ortiz Del Valle, a 28-year-old Florida woman, has been jailed after she allegedly gave herself a black eye before falsely claiming that she had been kidnapped According to the Lee County Sheriff's Office, an investigation was launched Wednesday after Del Valle told detectives that she had been kidnapped and assaulted before making a death-defying get-away. Del Valle told detectives that she was stopped at a stop sign while driving to a nearby bank when a man and a woman jumped into her vehicle through the passenger side door and put a gun to her head. Del Valle stated that the two suspects forced her to swallow two pills, punched her repeatedly in the face and robbed her of her cash and jewelry. At some point during the supposed kidnapping, Del Valle bravely doused the suspects with pepper spray before fleeing the scene. After telling her husband about the incident, Del Valle went to a local hospital where she was treated for her injuries. During the investigation, however, detectives noted several inconsistencies with Del Valle's statements. Forensic evidence taken from the vehicle and a bank deposit slip showing that Del Valle had already been to the bank at the time of the alleged assault, gave detectives an opportunity to challenge Del Valle's statements. Detectives also found the jewelry Del Valle claimed had been stolen inside her vehicle. Del Valle eventually admitted to making the entire story up, stating that she didn't expect her husband to report the incident. She also admitted to staging the crime scene and giving herself a black eye to make her story more believable. Del Valle was booked into the Lee County Jail and charged with making a false report. Tech Support Pits From: Pattij Re: Send postcards via fax Dear Webby, Good Afternoon.... I have an older cousin who is a Mennonite and uses faxes for her correspondence. She does not own or use a computer and does very little writing because of arthritis. Is it possible to choose one of your cards and have it delivered via a fax rather than an e/mail? Look forward to hearing from you. Thank you.... pj vickery Dear Pattij Just send the card to yourself, and print it to fax. If you have Winfax enabled for sending and receiving faxes, then you can fax it to her without wasting paper. When Winfax is enabled, "FAX" shows up as a choice of printers, when you print something. Choose that. It will then ask you for the fax number of the recipient, and give you the option of starting an address book. You can even add a subject and then hit SEND. When it is all done, it will tell you, that the fax has been sent successfully. Except for newer computers, a socket for plugging in a phone line is standard. With newer ones, you have to buy an external network card with a phone socket, so that you can use dial-up and fax. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Convert Tank Tops Into Bags Take an old child's shirt, preferably with spaghetti straps. Turn it inside out and sew the bottom of the shirt. Turn it right way and you're done. Great for small games and books. We also use them in the summer for each child's swimsuit and towel. By coville123 from Brockville, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
After Jane's son fell into the pond yet again and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Jane sent him to his room and washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Jane heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Fran for this story: Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses you look like the same hand- some young man I married." "Honey," he replied, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!"

» Thousand Islands

Today, Aug 20, in
1641 Scotland and Britain signed Treaty of Pacification.
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Bering discovered Alaska.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow.
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during WWI.
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive 
 during World War I.
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II.
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they 
 had detonated a hydrogen bomb.
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were 
 killed in anti-French rioting.
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began 
 invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring" 
 iberalization.
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The 
 spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph 
 record containing greetings in dozens of languages, 
 samples of music and sounds of nature.
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the 
 Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. 
 Chester Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
1991 A rally of more that 100,000 people occurred outside 
 the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that 
 removed Gorbachev from power.
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean 
 island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of 
 the Soufriere Hills.
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could 
 not secede without the federal government's consent.
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in 
 Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets 
 were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their 
 connection with Osama bin Laden.
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions 
 against Iraq for blocking arms inspections.
2013  smiled


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The Missing Link 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 19.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

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There is no reciprocity. Men love women, women love children, children love hamsters. --- Alice Thomas Ellis
Manager: "For a man with no experience, you are certainly asking for a high salary." Applicant: "Well, the work is much harder when you don't know what you're doing!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, OK. Then why do you keep crossing things out?"
Thanks to Cynn for her picture: Click on the picture for the large version This was the view one morning on my way to work across Halifax Harbour on the ferry. Cynn
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Johnnie Gooden Jr, 29, Bryan, TX Jailed After Telling Bank Teller That he Was Obama's Adoptive Son, Demanding Access To Bank Account Reported by The Weekly Vice Johnnie Gooden Jr., a 29-year-old Texas bonehead, has been jailed after he allegedly walked into an area bank, claimed that he was President Obama's adoptive son, and demanded access to Michelle Obama's account. According to police, Gooden walked into a College Station bank and reportedly told the teller that Mr. and Mrs. Obama had recently adopted him into their family. Gooden then went on to say that Michelle Obama contacted him over Facebook and told him that they wanted to adopt him. Investigators say Gooden then demanded access to Michelle Obama's account. When the teller told Gooden that Mr. and Mrs. Obama did not have an account with them, Gooden refused to leave until his access to the account was granted. When an officer arrived at the bank a short time later, Gooden suddenly stopped talking. The officer conducted an i.d. check on Gooden and arrested him after learning that he had outstanding warrants for resisting arrest and assault on a public servant. During a pat down search at the scene, Gooden was found to be in possession of two bags of marijuana. He was booked into jail and charged with possession of marijuana in addition to the two warrants. Someone needs to tell him in which direction entitlement works. Tech Support Pits From: Ron Re: Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer? Dear Webby, Where is the link for SmartPC Fixer, the program you mentioned in the Sunday issue?? Ron Dear Ron Sorry about not making it clickable: Here it is: SmartPCFixer Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Line Cupboards with Vinyl Tiles Use peel and stick vinyl tiles to line your kitchen cupboards. They are inexpensive and wipe clean so easily. By Connie J. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
>From Dianne During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you Determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Nursing Home?" "Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person to empty the bathtub." "Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the Bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup." "No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you Want a bed near the window?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our Air National guard unit conducted weapons-qualifying at the firing range. We had been issued our last rounds of ammo and were firing at the silhouettes, when a great gust of wind ripped the targets from their frames, and they fluttered away. Firing stopped as we looked to the range officials. "Keep shooting, Boys," a voice yelled. "We've got 'em on the run now."

» Roadsworth, A Street Artist

Today, Aug 19, in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle 
 against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia.
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by 
 the New York Herald.
1856 The process of processing condensed milk was patented 
 by Gail Borden.
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred 
 at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain.
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made 
 its debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and 
 Charles Correll.
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive 
 power in Germany as Fuehrer.
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration 
 awarded honorary license #1 to Orville Wright.
1942 About 6,000 Canadian soldiers launched a raid 
 against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They 
 suffered about 50 percent casualties.
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was 
 convicted of espionage in Moscow.
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's 
 orbit by the Soviet Union.
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, 
 U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded 
 by a bullet while in the American embassy.
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy 
 F-14 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra.
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President 
 Mikhail Gorbachev had been removed from power. 
 Gorbachev returned to power two days later.
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue 
 of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to 
 demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President 
 Slobodan Milosevic.
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock 
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the 
day at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2013  smiled


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File system problem on HP laptop 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 18.

Thank you, Donnie!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Historically, the claim of consensus has been the first refuge of scoundrels; it is a way to avoid debate by claiming that the matter is already settled. --- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008) Like Al Gore's "Consensus of grant seekers" substituting for verifyable science. Insanity in individuals is something rare - but in groups, parties, nations and epochs, it is the rule. --- Friedrich Nietzsche
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be much lower." My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


One night, at the lodge of a hunting club, two new members were being introduced to other members and shown around. The man leading them around said, "See that old man asleep in the chair by the fireplace? He is our oldest member and can tell you some hunting stories you'll never forget." They awakened the old man and asked him to tell them a story. "Well, I remember back in 1944, we went on a lion hunting expedition in Africa. We were on foot and hunted for three days without seeing a thing. On the fourth day, I was so tired I had to rest my feet. I found a fallen tree, so I laid my gun down, propped my head on the tree, and fell asleep. I don't know how long I was asleep when I was awakened by a noise in the bushes. I was reaching for my gun when the biggest damn lion I'd ever seen jumped out of the bushes at me like this: RRROOAARRR!!! ...........I tell you, I just messed my pants." The young men looked astonished and one of them said, "I don't blame you, I would have messed my pants too if a lion jumped out at me." The old man shook his head and said, "No, no... not back then, just now, when I said RRROOAAARRR!!!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version After the thunderstorm
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Walter Gafvert, 48, Santa Cruz, California Bonehead caught downloading child porn at police station Reported by Cookie A man arrested on child porn charges was caught downloading even more pornography at the police station. Walter Gafvert, 48, was arrested Wednesday after Santa Cruz police found thousands of illegal images at his home. Police say when they brought him in for questioning they actually caught him downloading more illegal porn onto his smartphone at the police station. Detectives are working to identify those images. Tech Support Pits From: Rita Re: Disk problem on HP Dear Webby, I have a HP laptop with W7..the other day I rebooted my comp..and when it came back on a message came up telling me that it was checking file system file C file is NTFS..one of the discs has to be checked for consistency.. I have no idea what any of that means..After about 1 ˝ hrs.. I shut it off and turned it back on with the same message.. so I kept clicking keys and finally got my desktop to come up.. so the next morning my comp. had nothing but a black screen.. I turned it off and back on with the same message..let it run for over an hr. thinking maybe it might run it’s course.. just seemed like it had frozen up..so clicked again and finally my desktop came back on..I haven’t turned my comp off since them..that was 2 days ago..could I have a corrupted hard drive or could the hard drive be going bad? Laptop is 3 years old..any help would be greatly appreciated…. Have a great day. Rita Dear Rita Before you do anything else, back up all your data onto a separate drive or CDs or upload it onto the net. With data, I mean pictures, documents, spreadsheets, email, any stuff you produced or received. Also back up all program registration codes, in case you have to re-install them. After that, once your data is safe, run a reputable virus scan, like McAfee or Kasperski, not one of the freebie ones, that are not good enough to sell for money, and that you probably already have. Then run SmartPCFixer Hopefully that will straighten out the damaged file system. If it doesn't, you may have to format and re-install Windows. You can try calling HP support, however, it is apparently extremely difficult to get any useful help from them. Try those steps for now, and let me know how it worked out. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Lemon Wedges in the Freezer I wash and dry fresh lemons. Cut them into wedges and de-seed them. Toss them into a freezer proof bag or container. Whenever I need a lemon in my drink, I add the frozen wedges. No need to thaw, use them frozen. If you need lemon for cooking/baking, take the wedges out of freezer and let thaw a bit. By Laura from PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Bob had invited the pastor and his wife for dinner, and it was little Joey's job to set the table. But when it came time to eat, Joey's mother said with surprise, "Why didn't you give Mrs. Brown a knife and fork dear?" "I didn't think I needed to," as everyone listened as Joey explained, "I heard Daddy say she always eats like a horse."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 18, in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died.
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on 
 American soil of English parents. The colony that is now 
 Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished.
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured 
 Santa Fe, NM.
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S. 
 President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S. 
 out of World War I.
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed 
 in Chicago IL.
1920 Tennessee ratified the 19th Amendment to the U.S. 
 Constitution. The Amendment guaranteed the right of all 
 American women to vote.
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S. 
 President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects 
 the U.S. and Canada.
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan 
 against possible enemy attacks during World War II.
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were 
 sent back to the U.S.
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian 
 Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the 
 bow of an Iraqi oil tanker.
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted in against President 
 Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were responsible. 
 Gorbechev and his family were effectively imprisoned for 
 three days while vacationing in Crimea.
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia 
 Military Institute's 158-year history.
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they would 
 acquire the Great American Cookie Co.
2013  smiled


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Icons too small after W7 update 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, August 17.

Thank you, Donnie!

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

"Thinking is a habit, and like any other habit, it can be changed; it just takes effort and repetition." --- John Eliot
Two rednecks were driving a semi down a road when they came to an overpass. The sign said 10 feet zero inches, so they got out to measure their truck. Unfortunately, the truck was just over 12 feet high. They didn't know what to do, when finally one of them looked both directions and said, "I don't see any cops, let's go for it!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A Scotsman, planning a trip to the Holy Land, was aghast when he found it would cost fifty dollars an hour to rent a boat on the Sea of Galilee. "Hoot mon," he said, "in Scotland it wouldna ha been more than $5." "That might be true," said the travel agent, "but you have to take into account that the Sea of Galilee is water on which our Lord Himself walked." "Well, at $50 an hour for a boat," said the Scotsman, "it's no wonder He walked."
Thanks to ChuckE Click on the picture for the large version I hope you can see this picture I thought I'd send you in case you're looking for something to stick in a newsletter. I shot this this summer when I visited the 1000 Islands. It's been a cool summer up there, but the sunsets are still just as beautiful as always. ChuckE
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez, Chicago, Illinois Robbers Told By Restaurant Owner He is Busy Mario Garcia and Domingo Garcia-Hernandez walked into the busy Chicago Clifton Grill restaurant and flashed what appeared to be a gun. The owner out of concern for his customers told the robbers he was busy and for them to come back in an hour. When they left, he called police who responded and waited for the robbers to return. Both were arrested when they returned an hour later. The gun Garcia-Hernandez was carrying turned out to be a replica MAC-10 shaped water squirt gun. The report did not state, whether it was loaded or not. Tech Support Pits From: Kara Re: Icons too small after update Dear Webby Ever since the last Windows 7 update, the icons are way too small. I can't find any instructions in Help or on the net on how to restore them to a legible size. Can you please help me? Kara Dear Kara Have you ecer noticed this little picture? Click on the desktop Hold down the CTRL key, and roll the mouse scroll wheel away from you. Gently! A quarter turn of the mouse wheel is probably too much. Just turn the wheel back and forth until the icons are in a comfortable size, then let go of the CTRL key. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Gift Bags Give the kids a stack of brown paper lunch bags to decorate. Use them for small gifts. Add a ribbon tie, a raffia bow or staple shut and add a stick-on bow and you're good to go! By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Arriving back at the dorm late one evening, my roommate explained that she had gotten lost in the school library. No one was surprised, since the library is large and has a confusing layout. When I asked her how long it took her to find an exit, she admitted she hadn't actually found the exit herself. She'd used an emergency phone to call for help. Puzzled, I asked, "How did your rescuers find you if you didn't know where you were?" "Easy," she said. "I started reading titles of books around me, and they located my position from the card catalogue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
>From Ed During my stay at an expensive hotel in New York City, I woke up in the middle of the night with an upset stomach. I called room service and ordered some soda crackers. When I looked at the charge slip, I was furious. I called room service and raged, "Hey, I know I'm in a luxury hotel, but $11.50 for six crackers borders on the ridiculous!" "The crackers are complimentary," the voice at the other end coolly explained. "I believe, sir, you are complaining about your room number."

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 13, in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia 
 from New York City.
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at 
 the island of St. Helena.
1835 Solyman Merrick patented the wrench.
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first 
 time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 
 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles.
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in 
 Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War.
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
 discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in Alaska.
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia 
 University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name.
1915 Charles F. Kettering patented the electric automobile
 starter.
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. 
 and British forces entered Messina.
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their 
 independence from the Netherlands.
1961 The Communist East German government completed the 
 construction of the Berlin Wall.
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that 
 in one day the number of orders for flowers to be 
 delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any 
 other event in the company's history.
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became 
 the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon 
 flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended 
 in Miserey, France.
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that 
 granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who 
 had arrived in the United States before 1977.
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved 
 with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter 
 of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion.
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper 
 relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.
1998 Russia devalued the ruble.
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened 
 to the public. 
2013  smiled


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Printing on both sides od paper 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, August 13.

Today I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Thursday and Friday. 
And no emails will be answered on those days.
If you have an emergency, please write to Ophelia 

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784),
>From Moe One brave doctor During a lady's medical examination, the doctor says: "Your heart, lungs, pulse and blood pressure are all fine. Now let me see the bit that gets you ladies into all kinds of trouble." The lady starts taking off her underwear but is interrupted by the doctor. "No! No! Don't remove your clothes. Just stick out your tongue!"
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
Click on the picture for the large version Somebody heard a can opener!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jessica Wood, 27, of Larose, Louisiana Drunk in court, with kids It's never a good idea to show up drunk to court. It's an even worse idea to bring your kids along for the show. Jessica Wood, a Louisiana woman, decided she'd show up drunk -- and with two children in tow -- to fight charges of driving under suspension, no insurance and failure to secure registration in Lafourche Parish court Aug. 7, according to NBC 33 TV. The judge had Wood arrested for contempt of court after she delivered several profanities with slurred speech while addressing him, and then failed to remain silent at his instruction. The judge entered a plea of not guilty to the traffic charges on Wood's behalf, the Associated Press reported. Tests later revealed Wood's blood alcohol concentration was .271 percent. The threshold for intoxication in Louisiana is .08 percent. A BAC of .3 is considered lethal in some jurisdictions, although that hasn't stopped some people from living to tell about it. Wood temporarily lost custody of her two children due to the incident, and will spend 150 days in jail. She may face additional charges of child endangerment. A pretrial hearing on the traffic charges of failure to secure registration, driving under suspension and no insurance was set for Nov. 12. Tech Support Pits From: Harold Re: Double Sided Printing Dear Webby I have a Brother MFC multifunction printer. It's a great printer, but unfortunately prints on only one side. To print the back side, it's a tedious shuffle to get the papers in the right order so that the page numbering does not get out of sequence. Is there a trick to that? Harold Dear Harold The trick is to click on the ClickBook link in the left side menu, or to go to http://webby.com/clickbook and get Clickbook. It does all the shuffling for you. Whenever I buy an e-book or a lengthy report, I hit CTRL P to print, Select ClickBook as the printer, select "4 pages per sheet Booklet" from the 170 different formats that are available, and let it rip. When the printer stops spitting pages, I drop the entire printed stack, as is, into the paper feed tray. No turning, no flipping, just drop the whole stack. Then it prints the back sides. When the printer is finished with the back sides, I fold the stack in half and shoot some staples through the spine. That way, a 200 page e-book prints on 50 sheets of paper, all pages in perfect sequence and numbering. I have used it for years and it has never messed up a single print job. Whenever something to be printed is more than a single page, I use ClickBook. That little program cuts my paper and ink and printer replacement cost to 1/4 of what it would otherwise be. It's also perfect for reading while traveling. Instead of loose, full size sheets, you have your reading material in compact paperback book size, that is a lot less hassle on a plane. For MapQuest driving directions I select the 4 pages/sheet flip-down format like Ralley maps. That makes quite a difference in fast traffic in a strange city. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Spices and Extract to Deodorize Your Microwave To get rid of the awful lingering smell of burnt microwave popcorn, fill a large microwave-safe bowl with one cup of water and sprinkle your favorite spice like cinnamon or add several drops of vanilla or lemon extract. Bring to a boil. Let it sit inside for 10 to 15 minutes to cool down. Simply wipe the walls down with paper towels. Leave the door open to further air it out. By Rachel's Mom Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A man really loved a woman, but he was just too shy to propose to her. Now he was up in his years and neither of them had ever been married. Of course, they dated about once a week for the past six years, but he was so timid he just never got around to suggesting marriage much less living together. But one day, he became determined to ask her the question. So he calls her on the phone, "June." "Yes, this is June." "Will you marry me?" "Of course I will! Who's this?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A lawyer read the will of a rich man to the deceased's family: "To my loving wife Rose, who stood by me in rough times, as well as good, I leave the house and $2 million." The lawyer continued, "To my daughter Jessica, who looked after me in sickness and kept the business going, I leave the yacht, the business and $1million." The lawyer concluded, "And, to my cousin Dan, who hated me, argued with me, and said that I would never mention him in my will - well you are wrong. Hi Dan!"

» Paper Sculptures

Today, Aug 13, in
1521 - Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish 
 conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians.
1704 - The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War 
 of the Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for 
 English and Austrian forces.
1792 - French revolutionaries took the entire French 
 royal family and imprisoned them.
1846 The American Flag was raised for the first time 
 in Los Angeles, CA.
1876 The Reciprocity Treaty between the U.S. and Hawaii 
 was ratified.
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued 
 to William Gray.
1907 The first taxicab started on the streets of 
 New York City.
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to 
 St. Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA.
1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was 
 dedicated in Elk City, OK.
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of 
 vice-chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to 
 hold out "for all or nothing."
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut 
 in newspapers.
1935 The first roller derby match was held at the 
 Coliseum in Chicago, IL.
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million 
 Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first 
 two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place.
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt 
 the flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin 
 Wall began.
1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold 
 Schwarzenagger was announced.
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency, 
 and other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad.
1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his 
 three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993.
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce 
 the risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon 
 cancer. 
2013  smiled


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File Transfer cable 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, August 12.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!


Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself. --- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44.." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts."
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately, shows little sign of breaking down in the near future. 2. Foreploy (v): Any misrepresentation about yourself for the purpose of getting laid. 3. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period. 4. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high. 5. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it. 6. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are running late. 7. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness. 8. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. 9. Karmageddon (n): its like, when everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes and it's like, a serious bummer. 10. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day consuming only things that are good for you. 11. Glibido (v): All talk and no action. 12. Dopeler effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly. 13. Arachnoleptic fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after you've accidentally walked through a spider web. 14. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out. 15. Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub in the fruit you're eating. And the pick of the literature: 16. Ignoranus (n): A person who's both stupid and an asshole.
Thanks to Cookie for this picture by her sister-in-law Pam: Click on the picture for the large version Virginia sunset
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rebecca Simmons, 45, Riverview, Floriduh Stabbing McDonald's Customer In The Buttocks The commotion began when Rebecca Simmons, 45, reportedly attempted to cut ahead of Mohammad Abukhder, 35, as they were starting their Wednesday morning with a McDonald's breakfast in Riverview, Fla., WTSP reports. Abukhder complained, causing Simmons to exit her car holding a small knife and puncture the hood of Abukhder's 2000 Honda Civic, according to ABC Action News. Then, as Abukhder tried to grab Simmons' keys so she could not leave, she allegedly stabbed him in the right buttocks. Abukhder suffered a small puncture and did not require medical attention. Simmons was arrested and brought to the Orient Road Jail on charges of aggravated battery with a deadly weapon and criminal mischief with property damage, according to the Tampa Tribune. Tech Support Pits From: Neil Re: Subject: How to transfer files to new machine Dear Webby I bought the Belkin Easy transfer cable from ebay. Here is one listed for $4.99 http://www.ebay.com/itm/belkin-easy-tra ... 33845a7d76 The cable is also available from many big box stores including Wal Mart. The cost there is somewhat higher. Just plug the cable in to your old machine, and your new one and let it work. All files and program settings will be transferred over including your email settings As the old machine is XP, you will need to install the transfer program on the CD included with the cables. If you are transferring to a XP machine, you will need to install on both machines. Having purchased the cable, I am now in demand among friends and acquaintances to help them. I get numerous free meals out of the bargain! Neil Dear Neil In the 80's and early 90's I used to use the LapLink Cables and disk for that. I still have the blue and the yellow cable, but have long lost the floppy with the program. Most likely that Belking Transfer Cable is a modern improvement of the old LapLink cables, and worth checking out! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee Filter to Hold Snacks Cone shaped filters can be used for small snacks like dry cereal, goldfish crackers, and pretzels. Have children decorate with crayons or markers as they wait for their perfectly portioned snack. Coffee filters are much cheaper than paper cups or bowls, and they're environmentally friendly. My kids always think of creative ways to use them after snack too. By lessisbest from Wilmington, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
What My Mother Taught Me: TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE: "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside - I just finished cleaning!" RELIGION: "You better pray that will come out of the carpet." TIME TRAVEL: "If you don't straighten up, I'm going to knock you into the middle of next week!" LOGIC: "Because I said so, that's why." FORESIGHT: "Make sure you wear clean Underwear, in case you're in an accident." IRONY: "Keep laughing and I'll give you something to cry about." OSMOSIS: "Shut your mouth and eat your supper!" CONTORTIONISM: "Will you "look" at the dirt on the back of your neck!" STAMINA: "You'll sit there 'til all that spinach is finished." WEATHER: "It looks as if a tornado swept through your room." PHYSICS PROBLEMS: "If I yelled because I saw a meteor coming toward you; would you listen then?" HYPOCRISY: "If I've told you once, I've told you a million times - don't exaggerate!!!" THE CIRCLE OF LIFE: "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out." BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION: "Stop acting like your father!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Sam and James were very good friends. One day Sam came over to James's house to visit, but when he entered the home, James wasn't there. James's wife was holding their baby and trying to put up curtains at the same time. She said, "Sam, I'm glad you came, would you mind holding the baby while I finish the curtains? He's in a eally restless mood!" So Sam did his best trying to keep the baby from wrestling out of his arms. A few minutes later, James came in and said to Sam, "How ya doin, Sam?" Sam replied, "I'm holding my own". That's when the battle started.

» No Aphids Here

Today, Aug 12, in
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing of 
 Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians and 
 the Europeans lasted for two years.
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed 
 sewing machine.
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during surgery 
 by Joseph Lister.
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the first 
 sound recording.
1898 Hawaii was annexed by the U.S. Hawaii was later given 
 territorial status and was given Statehood in 1959.
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of 
 the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico and 
 the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed.
1915 "Of Human Bondage", by William Somerset Maugham, was 
 first published.
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy 
 Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over 
 the Rainbow."
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen bomb.
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the U.S. 
from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first communications 
 satellite.
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit. 
 Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launch a day before, 
 both landed on August 15.
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo 
 flight test.
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC.
1985 A Japan Air Lines Boeing 747 crashed into a mountain 
 killing 520 people.
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new 
 rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in 
 an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to 
 have been responsible for the Challenger disaster.
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North 
 American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 
 14 months of negotiations.
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air 
 traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike 
 in 1981.
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution 
to World War II Holocaust victims.
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her 
 feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a target 
 that was 16 feet and 5 inches away. 
2013  smiled


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Transfer files to new machine 



Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, August 11.
Thank you, Nancy!
Thank you Bonita!


On Tuesday I have to go to Calgary for the August
injections into my eyeballs. That means no newsletters will 
be sent out Wednesday, Tursday and Friday. And no emails will
be answered on those days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

In case you're worried about what's going to become of the younger generation, it's going to grow up and start worrying about the younger generation. --- Roger Allen There are only two things a child will share willingly: communicable diseases and his mother's age. --- Benjamin Spock
You'll Know Yours Is A Redneck Church If: * The finance committee refuses to provide funds for the purchase of a chandelier because none of the members knows how to play one. * People ask, when they learn that Jesus fed the 5000, whether the two fish were bass or catfish, and what bait was used to catch 'em. * The pastor says, "I'd like to ask Bubba to help take up the offering." Then five guys and two women stand up. * Opening day of deer season is recognized as an official church holiday. * The choir is known as the "OK Chorale". * In a congregation of 500 members, there are only seven last names in the church directory. * Baptism is referred to as "branding". * There is a special fund raiser for a new church septic tank. * Finding and returning lost sheep isn't just a parable. * High notes on the organ set the dogs on the floor to howling. * People think "rapture" is what you get when you slip while lifting a beer keg. * The baptismal font is a #2 galvanized washtub. * The choir robes were donated by (and embroidered with the logo from) Billy Bob's Towing and Junkyard. * The collection plates are really hub caps from a '56 Chevy. * The final "Amen" is drowned out by all the 4x4's in the parking lot starting up.
Cellulite Reduction and elimination! Home Exercise Program actually gets results! Only Proven Way To Reduce / Eliminate Cellulite Forever! Great deal if you click the link!


Morris went to his lawyer Birnbaum and told him, "My neighbor owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay up. What should I do?" "Do you have any proof?" asked the lawyer. "Nope," Morris replied. "Okay, then write him a nasty letter asking him for the $1000 he owes you," said the lawyer Birnbaum. "But it's only $500," Morris insisted. "Precisely. That's what he will reply and we will then have the proof we need to nail him."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click on the picture for the large version Sunset on Vancouver Island
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Desiree Romero, 28, Florence, Arizona Charged With Eating Drugs From Vagina During Jail Search Reported by The Weekly Vice Desiree Romero, a 28-year-old Arizona woman, was jailed Thursday after she was caught eating drugs from her vagina while she was being incarcerated on drug charges. According to the Pinal County Sheriff's Office, Romero and 26-year-old Thomas Duke were traveling on Interstate 10 Thursday evening when a deputy stopped a minivan they were traveling in for a traffic violation. The officer noted a large sign covering the van's back window as he pulled in behind it, which prompted a search of the vehicle. Officers recovered 14 large bundles of marijuana from the van at an estimated street value of $272,000. During the search, officers also recovered a vial of meth from Romero's purse. Romero denied having any other drugs located on her person as deputies arrested her and transported her to jail. During the booking process, Romero was asked to submit to a second search. That's when she allegedly retrieved about a gram of marijuana and meth from her vagina and attempted to swallow them. Detention officers were able to grab the drugs out of Romero's mouth before they were ingested. Romero and Duke were booked into the Pinal County Detention Center and charged with possession of marijuana with intent to sell, transportation of marijuana and marijuana possession. Romero was also charged with possession of a dangerous drug, possession of drug paraphernalia and promoting prison contraband. Duke is currently on parole for forgery and identity theft. Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Transfer data from old to new machine Dear Webby My wife will soon be taking possession of a new PC with Windows 7. Can you recommend a product or method to transfer her files & settings from her old PC which is running Windows XP. I understand I need to manually install the application software that she needs. Thanks for a great e-zine - it's an awesome start to the day. Regards Mark Dear Mark Since you plan to r-install all programs, why not just format the hard drive, and re-install everything? She is NOT going to like W7, and demand that anyway. After you format and re-install XP, it will be as fast as it was when you originally bought the machine. You could insert a new hard drive, that is no big deal. Then set that one as the main drive, and the old drive as the second drive. You simply move the little jumper on the drive from Master to Slave. Usually there is a little diagram for that right on the drive. Then you can copy what you need from the old drive, as if it was just a different folder. If you decide to get a W7 machine, and incur her wrath, you can do a similar trick. Get a USB remote drive enclosure for the hard drive from the old machine, and plug it into a USB port. It will appear just like a second drive inside the machine, and you can copy from it as easily as if it was just a different folder. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Bag For the Car I have been able to keep my car cleaned up, by hanging a plastic grocery bag on the back of the front passenger seat with a velcro cord holder. (This is a nylon web with velcro on the ends. I was able to find 10/$1 at the Dollar Store.) I put the holder around the metal head rest post and attach the grocery bag. It is easy and safe to get to while I am driving, and it is out of the way. MUCH better than throwing trash on the floor! By dcnfamily from Reno, NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
A tenant in an apartment house phoned the police that there was a fight going on in the apartment right over him. So when the policeman arrived at the upstairs apartment, he heard furniture being thrown around and signs of a good old family brawl. He rapped on the door with his night stick and the door was opened by a very determined and disheveled woman. "Who's head of the family here?" "You just wait a minute and I'll tell you. That's what we're trying to settle inside.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Our parish priest was making his visits to several homes in the neighborhood. He knocked on one door, and a little 4-year-old boy opened it. When he saw the priest, he called to his dad, "Hey, Dad! That guy that works for God is here!"

» Tribal Fusion

Today, Aug 11, in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began 
 operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV.
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry 
 S. Parmelee.
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall, 
 an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos.
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric 
 light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever 
 use the SOS distress signal off the coast of 
 Cape Hatteras, NC.
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal 
 prisoners for the first time.
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced 
 "the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany 
 wins the war."
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine 
 Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender.
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. 
 A formal peace was in place for the French and the 
 Communist Vietminh.
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched 
 on a 94-hour flight, the third Russian to go into space.
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2" 
 for a landing on the Moon surface test.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his 
 weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the 
 microphone, the President said, "My fellow Americans, 
 I am pleased to tell you that I just signed legislation 
 that would outlaw Russia forever. We begin bombing in 
 five minutes."
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in 
 Saudia Arabia to help protect against a possible Iraqi 
 attack.
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. 
 It was the largest shopping mall in the United States.
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about 
 10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of 
 the 1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President Clinton.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the 
 line-item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three 
 items in spending and tax bills.
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies 
 with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the 
 largest foreign takeover of a U.S. company.
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile 
 after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah.
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong 
 peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2013  smiled


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