Monday, September 10, 2018, 06:15 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 10
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Facing Criminal
Charges For Ruff Sex
______________________________________________________
Today, September 10 in
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
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please donate what you can! |
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Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.
--- Alfred E. Newman, Hillary
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine
snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a
newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged
Caumeneur."
The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but
was used to the infusion of French words into the local
vocabulary.
"Could you please spell that?" she asked.
"You know," said the woman impatiently,
"C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
From when I was filling in for Stormy and her supposedly
daily animal stories:
One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree
branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark
and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily
my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side
and all the windows were on the safe sides.
I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying
down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora.
She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones
and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel!
Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise,
because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and
playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having
a great time.
It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed
down.
The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving
short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the
wind on again.
______________________________________________________
North Korean Military Parade last week, the first one since
the Trump meeting, showed no more nukes, no more
Intercontinental missiles, but more military women in mini
skirts showing off trim legs, and medals.
They are rubbing it in to Trump, that THEY can afford a
parade and no Democrat mayor is going to stop them.
They have camps for mayors like that.
They still showed impressive numbers of tanks and artillery,
but most impressive were the legions of women in mini skirts.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
has been earned by
Ashley Miller,
18,
Bradenton,
Florida
Florida Woman Facing Criminal
Charges For Ruff Sex
A Florida woman has been charged with engaging in sexual
activity with her pit bull, according to cops who found
photos of the canine encounters stored on the suspect’s cell
phone.
In the course of an investigation into the transmission of
harmful material to a minor, police earlier this month
searched the phone of Ashley Miller, an 18-year-old Bradenton
resident, according to an arrest warrant affidavit.
In a folder titled "2-face fun," investigators found 17
photos of a "canine performing oral sex on an unknown white
female." In a subsequent interview with cops, Miller
acknowledged she was the woman in the photos and that she was
being licked by her dog "2-face."
Miller said that the female dog, which she has owned since
2006, has "licked her vagina on approximately 30 to 40
occasions" police reported. Miller further explained that she
"would call 2-face into her room, take her pants off, open
her legs and 2-face would lick her vagina." She added that a
prior dog, named "Scarface", also licked her on a similar
number of occasions.
Seen in the above mug shot, Miller was arrested Friday and
charged with two misdemeanor counts of sexual activities
involving animals.
Miller was freed from jail Saturday after posting $1000 bond.
From: Pam
Re: Export Chrome bookmarks
Dear Webby,
How do I back up the Chrome Bookmarks?
All the info I can find is obsolete and does not work with
current versions of Chrome.
Pam
Dear Pam
Ctrl SHift o
Hit the 3 dots in the right top of the Bookmark Page,
not the browser page.
Now it acts as if it is in a snit because you are using
forbidden shortcuts and makes you wait.
Eventually, it brings up the Save page, suggesting that you
save it to some Windows typical and very forgettable
location. Change that to a place you can find easily.
You can even select your USB Key-fob.
For the file name, it suggests something like
bookmarks_9_9_18.html
That is nicely descriptive. The Windows lady must have been
on maternity leave when they programmed that!
If you have another computer networked, and have a directory
there with permissions for you to save to it, you can save it
to there.
Then you can IMPORT the bookmarks to that computer.
You can, of course do that too by sticking your USB key fob
drive into the other machine. Saves you messing with
permissions.
If you don't have a keyfob USB drive for a "Sneaker Net", you
can save the bookmarks onto a camera chip. It doesn't take
much room. Mine is 265 KB, the equivalent of a very small
picture.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
When I worked as a technical-support specialist for a service
company, customer help calls ranged from the mundane to the
bizarre.
One memorable problem I had to trouble-shoot came from a
man who complained that every time he flushed his toilet,
his computer would reboot.
It turned out that he lived in a rural area with water
supplied by a well with an electric pump. Every time he
flushed, it would turn on the pump, causing a dip in the
electric power, which in turn would cause his computer
to restart itself.
I recommended a UPS (Uninterruptible Power Supply), just a
cheap one with 5 minutes capacity. Actually, even the ones
built into some overpriced power bars promise that, but don't
deliver that outside of the store.
For stuff like that you need one that has a motorcycle
battery or a drone battery pack. The motorcycle battery is
usually much cheaper, and will give you plenty of time for a
proper shut-down if the lights go out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Woman comes home and tells her husband, the local minister:
"Remember those headaches I've been having all these years?
Well, they're gone."
"No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?"
His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist.
He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and
repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I
do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all
gone."
Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband.
His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a
ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't
you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for
that?"
The husband agrees to try it.
Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off
his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the
bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll
be right back."
He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later
and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like
never before.
His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!"
The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back."
He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two
was even better than the first time.
The wife sits up and her head is spinning.
Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back."
With that, he goes back in the bathroom.
This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the
bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying,
"She's not my wife.
She's not my wife.
She's not my wife!"
His funeral service will be held on Friday.
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save All The Receipts
Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you
can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your
child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes
after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted
(and unused) items can be returned.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
Coral Castle is the Stonehenge of Florida.
|
___________________________________________________
This is an oldie. I ran it before. Let's see if you can do
better this time!
Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the
paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister
found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to
find the last one.)
I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible.
It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and
for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam,
especially since the names of the books were not capitalized.
But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers.
To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most
fascinating few moments for you.
Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may
require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually
takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud
lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews
a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you
can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names
of books of the Bible in this paragraph.
___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land.
600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please
instruct!"
Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after
me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 10 in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council.
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in
the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of
the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the
enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry
Harrison.
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI.
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General
John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during
World War I.
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.-Germain-
en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland,
Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The
road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.
1939 Canada declared war on Germany.
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome during
World War II.
1948 Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in
Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during
World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison.
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia.
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace.
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on
the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted
assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950.
1981 Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town
of Guernica.
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past
enemy Iraq.
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf
War Crisis.
1998 Northwest Airlines announced an agreement with pilots,
ending a nearly two-week walkout.
1999 A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high
was dedicated in Milan, Italy.
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines.
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American
History.
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United
Nations.
2018 smiled.
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Sunday, September 9, 2018, 11:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 9
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to
help man who had been hired to kill him
______________________________________________________
Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere,
may be happy.
--- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a
street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself.
"You know, " said the first poet,
"since we last met, my readership has increased!"
"Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied.
"I didn't know you got married!"
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______________________________________________________
The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Cohen, a confirmed
bachelor for many years.
"Mr Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the
one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll
meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker.
"Don't bother," replies Mr Cohen, "I've two sisters at
home, who look after all my needs."
"That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the
world cannot fill the role of a wife."
"I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters!"
______________________________________________________
Langkawi Sky Bridge, Malaysia
Hovering 400 feet above the ground the sky bridge has closed
multiple times for maintenance but is now fully accessible to
the public.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28,
Benjamin Bascom, 24,
Melissa Rios Roque,
Deltona,
Florida
Good Samaritan unknowingly stopped to
help man who had been hired to kill him
The killing of Carlos Cruz-Echevarria, a 60-year-old Army
veteran, seemed random at first. But authorities now say it
was all too deliberate.
The body of Cruz-Echevarria was found Nov. 11—Veterans
Day—near a disabled, stolen car on the side of a Deltona,
Fla., road, the Orlando Sentinel reports. He had been shot in
the head multiple times. His own truck was gone, later
discovered burned some 30 miles away.
This week, authorities arrested three suspects in the
killing, which they now believe is connected to a murder-for-
hire plot hatched to keep Cruz-Echevarria from testifying in
a road rage case. Six months before he was murdered, Cruz-
Echevarria honked at a vehicle that didn’t move when a
traffic signal turned green. The driver of the other
car—later identified as Kelsey Terrance McFoley, 28—caught up
with Cruz-Echevarria and brandished a gun.
Cruz-Echevarria got McFoley’s license plate number and later
identified him in a police photo lineup. With a record that
included 29 felony charges, per the AP, McFoley was facing
serious prison time. He discovered Cruz-Echevarria’s address
on a court document and, authorities say, hired Benjamin
Bascom, 24, to kill the man before his Dec. 7 deposition.
Driving around the area near Cruz-Echevarria’s home,
authorities say, Bascom’s vehicle got stuck in a ditch. Cruz-
Echevarria pulled up to help, and Bascom shot him in the
head.
The case went unsolved for months, and the road rage charges
against McFoley were dropped. Later, though, investigators
used DNA evidence and phone records to link McFoley, Bascom,
and McFoley’s girlfriend, Melissa Rios Roque, to the slaying
of Cruz-Echevarria.
All three face first-degree murder charges, and after many
years of court battles, will be eligible for the death
penalty.
From: Hilla
Re: Editor program
Dear Webby,
I need a plain text editor to edit and annotate text and
simple HTML, that I can thenpaste into other programs or use
as is.
Thanks
Hilla
Dear Hilla
I use NoteTab from http://notetab.com
You can have dozens of documents open and shown in tabs, like
the browsers do too nowadays. You can copy/paste between the
documents, and to and from it's own Clipboard, and copy into
spreadsheets or Writer or WORD documents, or upload as web
pages.
You can even save a web page, convert it to plain text, and
use that for your purposes.
It has, of course all the frills expected today like spell
check, Find, Replace, Wordwrap on/off, and hundreds of other
things.
I have used NoteTab since 1997 for writing the Humor letter,
and still occasionally find handy tools in it, that I have
never needed before.
I can highly recommend NoteTab!
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A stewardess was getting very annoyed by three little
children on the plane. They had been bugging her since take-
off, complaining that they were hungry or bored or tired or
thirsty or needed to go to the bathroom or whatever else you
could imagine a small child commenting on and complaining
about.
Well, the stewardess had had enough. The next time the
children said that they were bored, the stewardess told them
to go play outside.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Sandie for this:
When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood
pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained
some weight and I didn't feel so hot.
My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be
complicated and it would solve my physical problems.
He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright
colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc."
So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms
onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better!
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Night Before School Starts
The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers
from their year in Iraq. He wanted to write a human
interest story, and asked one soldier,
"What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?"
The soldier immediately replied, "Spend an hour in
bed with my wife."
The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and
asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?"
"Take off these stupid combat boots!"
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
Sinister Sparkle Gallery: 13 Mysterious & Cursed Gemstones
|
___________________________________________________
A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park
said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks.
Wherever did they come from?"
"The glaciers brought them down," said the guide.
"But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked.
"The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice,
"have gone back for more rocks."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson.
She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for
church.
"Put whichever one you want in the collection plate
and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl.
When they were coming out of the church, the mother
asked her daughter which amount she had given.
"Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give
the dollar, but just before the collection the man
in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful
givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave
the quarter, so I did."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 9 in
490 B.C. The Battle of Marathon took place between the
invading Persian army and the Athenian Army. The marathon
race was derived from the events that occurred surrounding
this battle.
1776 The second Continental Congress officially made the term
"United States", replacing the previous term "United
Colonies."
1904 Mounted police were used for the first time in the City
of New York.
1911 Italy declared war on the Ottoman Turks and annexed
Libya, Tripolitania, and Cyrenaica in North Africa.
1919 The majority of Boston's police force went on strike.
The force was made up of 1,500 men.
1919 Alexander Graham Bell and Casey Baldwin's HD-4, a
hydrofoil craft, set a world marine speed record.
1942 Japan dropped incendiaries in an attempt to set fire to
the forests in Oregon and Washington. The forests were wet
and did not ignite.
1943 During World War II Allied forces landed at Taranto and
Salerno.
1948 North Korea became the People's Democratic Republic of
Korea.
1965 French President Charles de Gaulle announced that France
was withdrawing from NATO to protest the domination of the
U.S. in the organization.
1971 Gordie Howe of the Detroit Red Wings retired from the
National Hockey League (NHL).
1981 Nicaragua declared a state of economic emergency and
banned strikes.
1983 The Soviet Union announced that the Korean jetliner that
was shot down on September 1, 1983 was not an accident or an
error.
1986 Frank Reed was taken hostage in Lebanon by pro-Iranian
kidnappers. The director of a private school in Lebanon was
released 44 months later.
1986 Gennadiy Zakharov was indicted by a New York jury on
espionage charges. Zakharov was a Soviet United Nations
employee.
1993 Israeli and PLO leaders agreed to recognize each other.
1994 The U.S. agreed to accept about 20,000 Cuban immigrants
a year. This was in return for Cuba's promise to halt the
flight of refugees.
1994 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off on an 11-day
mission.
1997 Sinn Fein, the IRA's political ally, formally renounced
violence as it took its place in talks on Northern Ireland's
future.
1998 Independent Counsel Kenneth Starr delivered to the U.S.
Congress 36 boxes of material concerning his investigation of
U.S. President Clinton.
1998 Four tourists who had paid $32,500 each were taken in
submarine to view the wreckage of the Titanic. The ship is 2
miles below the Atlantic off Newfoundland.
1999 The Sega Dreamcast game system went on sale. By 1:00pm
all Toys R Us locations in the U.S. had sold out.
2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 100 million applications
downloaded.
2009 The iTunes Music Store reached 1.8 billion applications
downloaded.
2014 Apple unveiled the iPhone 6, iPhone 6 Plus, Apple Watch,
Apple Watch Sport and Apple Watch Edition.
2018 smiled.
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Saturday, September 8, 2018, 12:51 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 8
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend
wire £80 ransom from HIS OWN account to
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.
______________________________________________________
Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
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If you don't know where you are going, you will probably end up
somewhere else.
--- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988)
Humor is always based on a modicum of truth. Have you ever
heard a joke about a father-in-law?
--- Dick Clark
An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered.
An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered.
--- G. K. Chesterton
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war
and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say
you're opposed to war?"
Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked,
"Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?"
A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised
his hand.
"Johnny?" the teacher said.
"I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history,
and I hate History!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Today in 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal
Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the
revolving doors.
They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking
everyone, sheepishly left the building.
A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention
of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When
they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at
them, convinced that it was a practical joke.
Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the
floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their
getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.
______________________________________________________
Just fishing, right?
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Leigh Ford, 45,
Zoe Doyle,
Blackpool
Britain
Brit faked his own KIDNAP and demanded
that his terrified pregnant girlfriend
wire £80 ransom from HIS OWN account to
his buddy, so he could get drunk with him.
His girlfriend earned a bonehead award too, for forgiving him.
Leigh Ford told his partner Zoe Doyle his kidnappers had
threatened to break his legs, cut off his genitals and throw
boiling water over him
Leigh Ford’s partner Zoe Doyle said she had been left frantic
after receiving a call demanding ransom money
The alleged kidnap sparked a major 24-hour police operation
costing £30,000 that eventually saw Ford’s claims fall to
pieces after CCTV footage showed him leaving a shop with two
friends carrying booze.
But incredibly, partner Zoe Doyle has forgiven Ford for the
cruel hoax that saw him jailed for 16 weeks in February and
miss the birth of their child.
The 35-year-old, from Blackpool, said: “At first, I just
thought he was winding me up. But he sounded really scared. The
phone went dead and then it rang again. I could hear men
shouting in the background, threatening to break Leigh’s legs
and throw boiling water over him.
“They were threatening to mutilate him, cut off his genitals,
and I was panic-stricken.”
Zoe, who was 35 weeks pregnant at the time, said: “Leigh was
screaming, begging me to pay their ransom. I told him I would
send everything I had in the bank, over to the account they
gave me.”
Zoe transferred £80 – all she had – into the designated account
before calling police.
A helicopter and trained negotiator was called in to deal with
the situation that lasted through the night.
It wasn’t until the early hours of the following day in January
this year that Ford himself came home – and was immediately
arrested, questioned and charged with wasting police time.
Zoe said: “He appeared in court the following day and I was
stunned when I heard the truth. I just couldn’t believe that
Leigh would do that. He had wasted all those police resources.
He had put me through hell.
“The silly thing was, it was his own money. He could have spent
it if he had wanted. It just didn’t make sense.
“Leigh was full of apologies, he said his friends had put him
up to it and he had thought it was a prank that wouldn’t go as
far as it did. He’d had a few drinks and he got carried away.
“I was absolutely furious. I felt like strangling him. He had
caused so much stress and worry and it was all for nothing.”
Ford, 45, admitted wasting police time and collapsed in the
dock at Blackpool Magistrates’ Court as he was jailed for 16
weeks in February.
But incredibly, Zoe has since forgiven her partner.
She said: “He was a total idiot. I’ve made that clear to him.
But it was one-off and our relationship is otherwise very
strong. I know Leigh loves me and he has done his best to make
things up to me.
From: Olga
Re: Alternative to Bookmarks or Favorites
Dear Webby,
Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that
the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled
in with new ones?
Thanks
Olga
Dear Olga
There are dozens of bookmark managers available. Most are a
total waste of time.
Most of them have way too many features, that you will never
understand or use.
Two popular ones are deactivated:
http://www.xmarks.com/
https://del.icio.us/
Here is one, that you might like:
http://deweyapp.io/
Dewey is one of the very few, that will actually use your
17 Million old bookmarks.
You can sort them by date, title, or URL.
The most recently used ones are on top if you sort by date.
It takes a bit of getting used to, like all of them, but you
will soon find it handy.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament
and met on the putting green for the first time.
After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your
handicap?"
"Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied.
"Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that
she was paired up with her.
"Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad
ones!
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Billy for this story:
I was the last to leave the office one Friday
evening and managed to lock myself out without
my overcoat and wallet.
Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking
an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard
the seam of my suit trousers rip apart.
About then I realized I needed a screwdriver
to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud.
Seconds later the elevator doors next to my
office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the
middle of the floor.
There was a crackle from the wall speaker next
to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice.
"There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't
have a needle or thread for your pants!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
The Night Before School Starts
On the night before school, have your child lay his or her
clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick
and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make
sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an
"out the door time".
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| ACat Pictures and Cat Care Resources
|
___________________________________________________
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy,
and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he
had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of
blacksmithing.
One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder
muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and,
with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms
straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he
could.
After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound
potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100
pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out
for more than a full minute!
Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my
very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a
telephone poll."
The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 8 in
1565 A Spanish expedition established the first permanent
European settlement in North America at present-day St.
Augustine, FL.
1664 The Dutch surrendered New Amsterdam to the British, who
then renamed it New York.
1866 The first recorded birth of sextuplets took place in
Chicago, IL. The parents were James and Jennie Bushnell.
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was passed by the
Legislative Council. It was consented by the governor on
September 19 giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.
1935 U.S. Senator Huey P. Long, "The Kingfish" of Louisiana
politics, was shot and mortally wounded. He died two days
later.
1945 In Washington, DC, a bus equipped with a two-way radio was
put into service for the first time.
1945 Bess Myerson of New York was crowned Miss America. She was
the first Jewish contestant to win the title.
1951 A peace treaty with Japan was signed by 48 other nations
in San Francisco, CA.
1960 NASA's Marshall Space Flight Center in Huntsville, AL, was
dedicated by U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower. The facility
had been activated in July earlier that year.
1974 U.S. President Ford granted an unconditional pardon to
former U.S. President Nixon.
1975 In Boston, MA, public schools began their court-ordered
citywide busing program amid scattered incidents of violence.
1997 America Online acquired CompuServe.
1999 Russia's Mission Control switched off the Mir space
station's central computer and other systems to save energy
during a planned six months of unmanned flights.
2015 British researchers announced that evidence of a larger
version of Stonehenge had been located about 2 miles from the
Stonehenge location. There were 90 buried stones that had been
found by ground penetrating radar.
2018 smiled.
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Are LED light bulbs a scam?
Friday, September 7, 2018, 08:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom
______________________________________________________
Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I
at the battle of Borodino.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Science has proof without any certainty.
Creationists have certainty without any proof.
--- Ashley Montague
The right word may be effective, but no word was ever
as effective as a rightly timed pause.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
I WAS in the express lane at the store quietly fuming.
Completely ignoring the sign, the woman ahead of me had slipped
into the checkout line pushing a cart piled high with
groceries.
Imagine my delight when the cashier beckoned the woman to come
forward, looked into the cart and asked sweetly, "So which six
items would you like to buy?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
I WAS WAITING in line at my county clerk's office one
afternoon and noticed a hand-lettered sign that read: "Any
child left unattended will be given a free kitten and a large
candy bar."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jonathan Emmanuel Ward,
21,
Fontana,
California
Naked Intruder Arrested After Being Found
Masturbating in Sleeping Girl’s Bedroom
Police on Tuesday said they were searching for possible
additional victims of a man accused of entering a Fontana home
and masturbating in a 13-year-old girl's bedroom.
Officers responded to the 14100 block of Stanislaus Court last
Thursday after a resident called around 2:42 a.m. to report a
male intruder in her home, according to a Fontana Police
Department news release.
The woman told police that a naked man went into her teen
daughter's bedroom and started masturbating while she slept,
the release stated.
The victim woke up to find the man hovering over her and
screamed, causing the suspect to flee, according to police. He
ran from the girl's room, down the stairs and left the home.
Officers arrived at the home within minutes, but the man was
gone by then.
However, they were able to obtain surveillance video from the
residence that showed the naked man inside. At one point, he
"looked directly into the camera and placed his finger over his
lips as if signaling to be quiet," the release said, describing
what some of the footage showed.
Detectives quickly identified the suspect as 21-year-old
Jonathan Emmanuel Ward of Fontana. He was arrested at his home
in the 7000 block of Nebraska Street later that same day,
authorities said.
When detectives interviewed Ward, they identified other
potential victims -- and believe there could be others who
haven't contacted police yet, according to the release.
Ward possibly focused on a dance studio in the Inland Empire,
though they did not give the name or area where it was located.
He allegedly "became infatuated with several young girls" at
the studio, police said.
The suspect is accused of targeting girls through social media,
using photos posted to their accounts to figure out where they
lived.
"Ward would often enter the rear yards of the victim’s
residence and on occasion, enter their homes when he would find
an unlocked door," the release stated.
He was booked into the West Valley Detention Center on
suspicion of burglary, child annoyance and indecent exposure,
according to inmate records.
Because of a similar arrest last year in Fontana, a $1 million
bail enhancement was issued.
Police have scheduled a news conference for Wednesday morning
where they are expected to release images and video of the
suspect as they try to locate other possible victims.
From: Edoard
Re: Lights
Dear Webby,
Not a web question, Sorry!
What's the story about the LED lightbulbs?
I am disenchanted with the pig tail fluorescents, that were
promised to last 25 years. On my porch motion detector light,
they last a year, max. And in cold weather they take forever to
light up.
Now they promise 25 years for the LED lightbulbs.
And they are almost as expensive as the pig-tail lights were
initially.
Same BS?
Edoard
Dear Edoard
The BS is the same. They are just re-using the same old
propaganda, without having a clue about it.
However, the good news are that the LED lights don't mind -40
at my front door, they turn on instantly when a deer or a
magpie trigger the motion detector, and have been working
steadily for over 2 years.
One got smashed by horizontal golf ball size hail a couple of
years ago, but that hail would have smashed any kind of
lightbulb. If you put them into a jam-jar fixture, then they
should survive horizontal hail quite nicely.
So far I am quite impressed with the LED lighbulbs and use them
to replace any bulb that burns out.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
SO MUCH FOR PEACE OF MIND
Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to
a gated community.
Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop
for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni pizza, please," I said,
then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other
end replied. "Your gate code is still 1238, right?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A truck driver was having lunch at a truck stop when 8
motorcyclists came in.
They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made
no move to object.
After he left one of the group laughed and said,
"He wasn't much of a man, was he?"
The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window
said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran
over 8 motorcycles!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Check Around Your Home's Foundation
Check the grading around your house to make sure the ground
is sloping away from your house and no plants or dirt is in
contact with your siding. Inspect and patch any cracks in your
foundation.
Remove mildew with a solution of 1 part chlorine bleach to 3
parts water.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
|
___________________________________________________
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their
teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all
questions.
First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?"
He responded, "It goes moo."
The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?"
Alice replied, "It goes meow."
Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Her response was, "It goes baa."
Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound
does a mouse make?"
She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Classic! This used to be an all too common service call:
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently
need to print a document, but the computer won't boot
properly."
DearWebby: "What does it say?"
Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk."
DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?"
Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's
an intel inside. How do I get that one out? "
____________________________________________________
Today, September 7 in
1812 Napoleon defeated the Russian army of Alexander I at the
battle of Borodino.
1813 The nickname "Uncle Sam" was first used as a symbolic
reference to the United States. The reference appeared in an
editorial in the New York's Troy Post.
1822 Brazil declared its independence from Portugal.
1880 George Ligowsky was granted a patent for his device that
threw clay pigeons for trapshooters.
1888 Edith Eleanor McLean became the first baby to be placed in
an incubator.
1896 A.H. Whiting won the first automobile race held on a
racetrack. The race was held in Cranston, RI.
1901 China and the Eight-Nation Alliance signed the Boxer
Protocol ending the Boxer Rebellion (Boxer Uprising, Yihequan
Movement).
1915 Johnny Gruelle received a patent for his Raggedy Ann doll.
(U.S. Patent D47789)
1921 Margaret Gorman of Washington, DC, was crowned the first
Miss America in Atlantic City, NJ.
1927 Philo T. Farnsworth succeeded in transmitting an image
through purely electronic means by using an image dissector.
1930 The cartoon "Blondie" made its first appearance in the
comic strips.
1940 London received its initial rain of bombs from Nazi
Germany during World War II.
1942 During World War II, the Russian army counter attacked the
German troops outside the city of Stalingrad.
1971 "The Beverly Hillbillies" was seen for the final time on
CBS-TV.
1977 The Panama Canal treaties were signed by U.S. President
Carter and General Omar Torrijos Herrera. The treaties called
for the U.S. to turn over control of the canal's waterway to
Panama in the year 2000.
1979 ESPN, the Entertainment and Sports Programming Network,
made its debut on cable TV.
1983 In Ireland, voters approved a constitutional ammendment
that banned abortion.
1984 American Express Co. issued the first of its Platinum
charge cards.
1986 President Augusto Pinochet survived an assassination
attempt made by guerrillas.
1986 Desmond Tutu was the first black to be installed to lead
the Anglican Church in southern Africa.
1987 Erich Honecker became the first East German head of state
to visit West Germany.
1989 Legislation was approved by the U.S. Senate that
prohibited discrimination against the handicapped in
employment, public accommodations, transportation and
communications.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, September 6, 2018, 01:00 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 6
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck,
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck
______________________________________________________
Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior
to all other countries because you were born in it.
--- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950)
Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you
commit atrocities.
[info][add][mail][note]Voltaire (1694 - 1778)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for this story:
Tom was in his early 50’s retired and started a second career.
However, he just couldn't seem to get to work on time.
Everyday, 5, 10, 15 minutes late.
But he was a good worker, real sharp, so the Boss was in a
quandary about how to deal with it.
Finally, one day he called him into the office for a talk.
"Tom, I have to tell you. I like your work ethic.
You do a bang-up job, but you're being late so often is
quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know Boss, and I am working on it."
"Well, good, you are a team player. That's what I like to
hear. It's odd though, you're coming in late.
I know you're retired from the Air Force. What did they
say if you came in late there?"
They said, "Good morning, General."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A teen-aged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy
clothes was overheard telling a friend,
"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my
parents from dragging me everywhere with them."
______________________________________________________
Big fish, or small submarine?
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Nicholas Tralka, 31,
Duck Key,
Florida
Fleeing deputies, drunk crashes truck,
then jumps into ocean to sober up,
arrested with .214 and booze in truck
A drunken man led Monroe County sheriff's deputies on a high-
speed chase early Sunday, eventually crashing his pickup truck
into the entrance sign for Duck Key and jumping into the ocean,
authorities said.
Deputies on a Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission
boat whisked him from the water, but not before the man tried
to elude authorities by hiding under a bridge, clinging to a
piling, said Adam Linhardt, a spokesman for the Monroe County
Sheriff's Department.
After his rescue, he reportedly told deputies that the
morning's events would make for "a great story" to tell his
friends and family.
Nicholas Tralka, 31, faces a number of charges, including
driving while under the influence, causing property damage and
resisting arrest.
Linhardt said a deputy saw a pickup truck leave a bar along the
Overseas Highway in Marathon at a high rate of speed just
before 4 a.m. Before the deputy could attempt a traffic stop,
Tralka slammed into a concrete median and kept going, Linhardt
said. Deputies gave chase as Tralka reached speeds of more than
100 mph and swerved erratically across the northbound lanes of
the Overseas Highway, Linhardt said.
Deputies deployed tire spikes near mile marker 60.5 to stop the
truck, but Tralka kept driving eventually crashing into a light
pole and a palm tree and finally rolling into the Duck Key
entrance sign, Linhardt said. When the truck finally came to a
stop, Tralka bailed out of the vehicle and jumped over a nearby
seawall, according to the arrest report.
Deputies repeatedly called out for Tralka to stop, but he kept
swimming toward Toms Harbor Channel Bridge, where he hid from
authorities for about 30 minutes, the report said. A fisherman
alerted deputies that Tralka was under the bridge, staying
afloat by holding onto piling, the report said.
Tralka eventually surrendered and was pulled aboard the FWC
boat by Key Colony Beach police officers, the report said.
A search of Tralka's truck found three empty 100 milliliter
bottles of Fireball whiskey along with a full one, Linhardt
said.
Tralka told deputies that he had been drinking and got scared.
"I f***ed up. I'm sorry," he told deputies, according to the
arrest report. Deputies said Tralka would alternate between
apologizing and bragging about his high-speed antics, the
report said.
Once arrested, Tralka resisted taking a blood alcohol test,
saying "I'm already going to jail, so why?" the report said.
When deputies tested Tralka's blood alcohol level, it was .214
-- more than double the legal limit of .08.
From: Irene
Re: 65,000 Search Engines
Dear Webby,
I got an ad from a seemingly respectable company about
submitting my site to 65,000 different search engines for $129.
Is that a good deal?
Irene
Dear Irene
How many different search engines do you use? One? Two?
How many different search engines do your clients use?
Search for example for recognize a spoof on
Google, Bing, MSN, Yahoo.
They all will show you relevant and useful answers, and there
is no need to check any other search engines.
In addition to that, the better search engines totally ignore
submissions, especially from paid submission services.
If you know of any search engine that specializes on your topic
and is used by your clients, you can try submitting your site
to that one.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding
Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time,
did you ever consider a divorce?"
"Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the
husband replied.
"Murder occasionally," the wife offered "but never divorce."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily
ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc.
It comes from my family."
"Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked.
"Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family."
"Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give
you high blood pressure?"
He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!"
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organize Your Sandwich Fixings
Try keeping most of your sandwich making items in a plastic
basket in your refrigerator. Not only does this save multiple
trips to and from opening the door each time but your kids
won't require much help at snack time! By Melody
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
|
___________________________________________________
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily
bandaged man sitting up in bed.
"Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to
take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the
top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of
the track.
I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it
out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we
went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said.
By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a
third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get
a better view."
"And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked
the visitor.
"Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
An office technician got a call from a computer user.
The user told the tech that her computer was not working. She
described the problem and the tech concluded that her computer
needed to be brought in and serviced.
He told her, "Unplug the power cord and bring it up here and
I'll fix it for you."
About ten minutes later she showed up at his door... with the
electrical cord in her right hand.
____________________________________________________
Today, September 6 in
1620 The Pilgrims left on the Mayflower from Plymouth, England
to settle in the New World.
1819 Thomas Blanchard patented a machine called the lathe.
It had been in use for centuries, but never patented.
1837 The Oberlin Collegiate Institute of Ohio went co-
educational.
1876 The Southern Pacific rail line from Los Angeles to San
Francisco was completed.
1899 Carnation processed its first can of evaporated milk.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley was shot and mortally
wounded (he died eight days later) by Leon Czolgosz. Czolgosz,
an American anarchist, was executed the following October.
1909 Robert Peary, American explorer, sent word that he had
reached the North Pole. He had reached his goal five months
earlier.
1939 South Africa declared war on Germany.
1941 Jews in German-occupied areas were ordered to wear the
Star of David with the word "Jew" inscribed. The order only
applied to Jews over the age of 6.
1944 At the end of World War II, the British government relaxed
blackout restrictions and suspended compulsory training for the
Home Guard.
1948 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands was crowned.
1952 In Montreal, Canadian television began broadcasting.
1975 Martina Navratilova requested political asylum while in
New York for the U.S. Open Tennis Tournament.
1990 Iraq warned that anyone trying to flee the country without
permission would be put in prison for life.
1991 The State Council of the Soviet Union recognized the
independence of the Baltic states.
1991 The name St. Petersburg was restored to Russia's second
largest city. The city was founded in 1703 by Peter the Great.
The name has been changed to Petrograd (1914) and to Leningrad
(1924).
1992 A 35-year old man died ten weeks after receiving a
transplanted baboon liver.
1993 Renault of France and Volvo of Sweden announced they were
merging. Volvo eventually canceled the deal the following
December.
1995 U.S. Senator Bob Packwood was expelled by the Senate
Ethics Committee.
2008 The Federal Housing Finance Agency (FHFA) announced that
Fannie Mae (Federal National Mortgage Association) and Freddie
Mac (Federal Home Loan Mortgage Corporation) would be placed in
government conservatorship.
2018 smiled.
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Can Google Earth be put onto the second drive?
Wednesday, September 5, 2018, 10:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 5
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Orlando man arrested for shooting up home
after woman left negative restaurant review
______________________________________________________
Today, September 5 in
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British
and French fought for six days killing half a million people.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
You can't have a light without a dark to stick it in.
--- Arlo Guthrie (1947 - )
There is no expedient to which a man will not go to avoid
the labor of thinking.
--- Thomas A. Edison
A man can be happy with any woman
as long as he does not love her.
--- Oscar Wilde
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic:
A man wonders if having sex on the Sabbath is a sin because
he is not sure if sex is work or play. So he goes to a Priest
and asks for his opinion on this question.
After consulting the Bible, the Priest says, “My son, after an
exhaustive search, I am positive that sex is work and is
therefore not permitted on Sundays."
The man thinks: “What does a priest know about sex?”
So he goes to a Minister, who after all is a married man
and experienced in this matter.
He queries the Minister and receives the same reply.
Sex is work and therefore not for the Sabbath!
Not pleased with the reply, he seeks out the ultimate
authority: a man of thousands of year’s tradition and
knowledge. In other words, he goes to a Rabbi.
The Rabbi ponders the question, then states,
“My son, sex is definitely play."
The man replies, "Rabbi, how can you be so sure when
so many others tell me sex is work?"
The Rabbi softly speaks, "If sex were work,
my wife would have the maid do it."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The ninety-five year old woman at the nursing home received
a visit from one of her fellow church members.
"How are you feeling?" the visitor asked.
"Oh," said the lady, "I'm just worried sick!"
"What are you worried about, dear?" her friend asked.
"You look like you're in good health. They are taking care
of you, aren't they?"
"Yes, they are taking very good care of me."
"Are you in any pain?" she asked.
"No, I have never had a pain in my life."
"Well, what are you worried about?" her friend asked again.
The lady leaned back in her rocking chair and slowly
explained her major worry. "Every close friend I ever had has
already died and gone on to heaven. I'm afraid they're all
wondering where I went."
______________________________________________________
Canopy Walk, Ghana
This isn’t your average stroll through the rainforest.
Suspended 40 feet in the air, visitors literally get the
opportunity to walk through the trees! From birds to monkeys,
it’s not just the bridge that is scary! Also you can’t just
turn back and run if you get scared, the bridge is over a 1,000
feet in length!
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Norman Auvil
42,
Orlando,
Florida
Orlando man arrested for shooting up home
after woman left negative restaurant review
A Florida man was arrested Thursday evening, 10 days after he
allegedly shot up a home after one of its residents complained
about an experience at a restaurant, the Orange County
Sheriff's Office said.
On Aug. 20, deputies were called to a home after Norman Auvil,
42, of Orlando -- riding in an SUV driven by Michael Johnson,
the restaurant owner's son -- shot the home three times before
Johnson drove away, according to an arrest report.
The report said one of the bullets pierced a window, narrowly
missing the head of Kenneth Walley, who was watching television
in the living room.
"I actually could feel the air from the bullet as it passed by
me," Walley said. "It missed me by about 4 inches."
On Aug. 19, Walley's wife, Diana Walley, had been denied
service at the Daybreak Diner, so their daughter, Monica
Walley, called the diner and spoke with several workers about
her mother's visit, the report said.
Monica Walley said that she left a negative review on Facebook
after her disabled mother was denied service on her birthday.
She said the restaurant workers were "unnecessarily rude."
"It's my right to be able to tell others what my experience is
and what happened and stand up for my mother," Monica Walley
said. "I think that anybody in my shoes would have done the
same thing."
According to the report, Monica Walley was unsatisfied with the
diner's response, so she launched a social media campaign
against the diner, alleging that they mistreated her mother
because of a disability.
"The social media campaign resulted in negative online reviews,
negative social media posts and harassing and angry phone calls
to the restaurant," the report said. "The restaurant's owner,
Lizabeth Johnson, later stated she felt that day that her
business was ruined as a result of the negative social media
campaign."
Apparently she did not realize that theb reviews were based on
fact.
Investigators said that Michael Johnson and his girlfriend,
Stephanie Knight, worked at the diner that they intended to
inherit someday.
The report said Knight and Michael Johnson had been driving a
2013 white Ford Flex registered to Knight's father. The SUV
matched the description of the one recorded by a surveillance
camera approaching the shooting scene, the report said.
Investigators said Michael Johnson and Jesse Martin told them
that on Aug. 20, they were drinking beer with Auvil at the home
where they all live.
Deputies said the men were angry about the damage to the
diner's reputation and the negative social media campaign, so
Martin used an internet search engine to determine Monica
Walley's identity from her Facebook post and to find her
address.
"(Michael) Johnson drove the white Ford Flex while Martin
navigated from the back passenger seat and Auvil rode in the
front passenger seat," the report said. "(Michael) Johnson
and Martin contend they drove to the Walley residence with the
intent to harm someone (via physical fight) or to cause
property damage (slashing tires or similar vandalism)."
Deputies said Auvil fired the shots when Michael Johnson
stopped outside the home. Investigators said the men tried to
dispose of the evidence after Michael Johnson drove away.
Auvil was arrested Thursday at South Bumby Avenue and Nancy
Street, near the Lake Como home where the three men live,
deputies said.
Detectives said Auvil expressed loyalty to Michael Johnson and
Knight and said he had drunk six to eight beers with his
friends while discussing the issue and before going for a ride
with Michael Johnson and Martin.
Investigators said that although Auvil wouldn't discuss his
involvement in the incident, he told them that he understands
that it "looked bad" for him.
Auvil, who was honorably discharged from the U.S. Army, said he
drinks beer "most days," investigators said.
Auvil was arrested on charges of shooting into an occupied
dwelling, shooting from a vehicle within 1,000 feet of a person
and abuse of a disabled adult.
"I didn't think anybody was crazy enough to do something like
this over something so small," Monica Walley said.
I am still testing password managers.
From: Erin
Re: Google Earth onto second drive
Dear Webby,
I trid to install Google-Earth onto my second hard drive,
but it insists on going to my C: drive, where I don't have
enough space. Is there a way around that bug?
Erin
Dear Erin
Unfortunately, there isn't.
The blithering moron who wrote the Google-Pack installer
seems to be ignorant of the fact that 52% of computer
uers have more than one hard drive.
It seems that Google-Earth has been designated as a program
for small children, and the install program has been simplified
accordingly. They claim that they need to install your user
name and prefereces in the registry and can't do that if the
program is anywhere except on the C: drive.
They do that fine with Gmail, but seem to refuse doing it with
Google Earth. That is a pity, because I do like Google Earth.
Grown-ups and advanced users have to get a second computer
with enough space on the C: drive to install Google-Earth
there.
Yeah, I know it's rather dumb, but you can't argue with Google.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales.
The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to
swallow a human because even though they were a very large
mammal, their throat was very small. The little girl stated
Jonah was swallowed by a whale.
The teacher reiterated a whale could not swallow a human;
it was impossible.
The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah."
The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?"
The little girl replied, "Then you ask him."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Bob for this report:
I attended Palm Beach Atlantic College in Florida. It's only
about a mile from the ocean, so students frequently go to
the beach, even between classes. One day I was meeting with
our dean, when he stopped me in the middle of our conversation
and asked if I was an "A" student.
Puzzled, I replied, "Mostly, why do you ask?"
"You don't have a tan," he explained. "Around here, the darker
the tan, the lower the grade."
___________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Selling Clothing at Garage Sales
To get the most money for your clothing items, makes sure
to wash and fold them so they look their best. Lay folded
clothing out on a table so people don't have dig through
your bags or a big pile. Display dresses and jackets by
using hangers.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
| The Forgotten Firsts: 10 Vintage Versions of Modern Technology
|
___________________________________________________
>From Stormy
BRIDE GOES SPLASH
What a beautiful wedding! Everything had been perfect.
The wedding had taken place on a white sandy beach
with a lake as the backdrop. It was time to take photo's
The groom was a shy man who had arrived from
overseas a few months ago. He had courted his bride
until she finally said yes to his pleas of marriage. His
family was a bit reserved as he didn't know the girl
that well. However, today all was well.
The bride decided she wanted to have her and her
new husbands photo taken on the dock, leading out
into the lake. They were posed, the groom leaned in
for a kiss, over tumbled the bride, splat, into the lake.
My Irishwolfhound jumped right in after her. The groom
was screaming in his own language. My dog was
having a horrid time trying to find the bride in the
ballooning poufs of her white gown. He got to her
head, grabbed on to her veil to swim to shore.
Dead silence. My dog had taken her veil all right,
along with a long blonde wig she wore. Her new
husband along with all his relatives got a good
look at what he had married. Short, stubby grey
hair. It was bedlam, it was hilarious.
My dog brought his prize to me, he was praised
well. Someone else had jumped in and brought
the sobbing bride to shore. It didn't end well.
There wasn't going to be a honeymoon.
The foolish groom had fallen in love, not so much
with the lady, but her pretty blonde hair. Someone
tied the wig and the veil to my dog's head. The poor
groom was led away crying. All for blonde curls.
Stormy
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for
men.
Mary: TELL me about it! I went golfing with my ex one time, and
he told me I asked too many questions!
Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the
game. What questions did you ask?
Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions..like, "Why did
you hit the ball into that lake?"
____________________________________________________
Today, September 5 in
1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards.
1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress
convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration
of rights and grievances, organized the Continental
Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president
of the Continental Congress.
1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National
Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary
activities.
1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the
Republic of Texas.
1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a
U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a
jail cell.
1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for
the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in
Michigan.
1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be
manufactured in the U.S.
1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad.
1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to
end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S.
President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire.
1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and
French fought for six days killing half a million people.
1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on
International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The
raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the
labor organization.
1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive
from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all
in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model
A.
1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II.
1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected
of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She
served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford.
1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in
Raleigh, NC.
1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The
Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC.
1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the
first time in the U.S.
1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in
light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy.
Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali.
1977 The U.S. launched Voyager .
1980 The St. Gotthard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the
world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long.
1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record
when he reached 229 mph.
1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for
shooting down a Korean Air Lines jet. Reagan demanded that the
Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269
people.
1983 "Sports Illustrated" became the first national weekly
magazine to use four-color process illustrations on every page.
1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden
voyage.
1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News
& World Report" for $163 million.
1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods
for the first time.
1986 NASA launched DOD-1.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War
against the West and former allies.
1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in
the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name
the Union of Sovereign States was taken.
1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new
agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike,
forcing GM to shift more production overseas.
1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South
Pacific.
2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic
box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames
River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on
water.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, September 4, 2018, 07:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 4
>From Annie
Well, Dear Webby, I see you just couldn't break your record!Â
You said last week you have never had a Labor Day off and if
there were no Humor Letter today it would be your first.Â
Since it followed your two eye injections I thought just maybe
you might take this one off. Had to peek though...and there
you were! You deserve that ol' vote I cast today! Thanks
for the laughs and info you provide, albeit through your pain.Â
God bless those ol' eyes...real good.
Annie
Thanks, Annie!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman charged after attacking bus
w. car jack, trying to run over driver
______________________________________________________
Today, September 4 in
0476 romulus augustulus, the last emperor of the western roman
empire, was deposed when odoacer proclaimed himself king of
italy.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I don't know anything about music.
In my line you don't have to.
--- Elvis Presley (1935 - 1977)
With most men, unbelief in one thing springs from
blind belief in another.
--- Georg Christoph Lichtenberg
A father is someone who carries pictures where his money
used to be.
--- Socratex
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give
to an old lady in the park. Her mother was
touched by the child's kindness and gave her
the required sum.
"There you are, my dear," said the mother.
"But, tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," came the reply. "She sells candy."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Maggie has a particularly outrageous rapport with her son.
He argues and fights with her all the time.
Finally having had enough, she takes her son to a psychologist.
After two sessions, the doctor speaks with the mother.
"Madam, your son suffers from an Oedipus Complex."
"Oedipus, Schmoedipus," replies Maggie, "It's all the same
to me. The important thing is that he loves his mother!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Mariana Silver, 20,
Washington, DC
Woman charged after attacking bus
w. car jack, trying to run over driver
A woman was caught on cell phone video smashing the window of
a Greyhound bus in Northeast D.C. with a car jack before
attempting to run over the bus driver with her car as he tried
to stop her from fleeing the scene.
According to D.C. police, the woman, who has been identified as
20-year-old Mariana Silver, of Northeast D.C., illegally passed
the bus in the 1800 block of Bladensburg Road and sideswiped
another driver in the process. When the driver tried to make
contact with the woman, she grew irate and an argument broke
out.
After witnessing the accident and ensuing argument, the bus
driver got involved, saying, "You're a crazy driver, you need
to get off the road," according to a police report.
That's when Silver got a bat from the trunk of her car and
started hitting the driver's side bus window before retrieving
a car jack that she used to smash the window, which is where
the cell phone video picks up.
In the video, the bus driver is seen standing in front and
jumping on the hood of her car in an attempt to keep her from
fleeing the scene. Silver then continues to drive off with the
bus driver on the hood of her car until he falls off.
She was eventually arrested later in the day. By that time
there was no dope in her car, aside from her.
From: Carol
Re: Has Roboform gone bad?
Dear Webby,
Two friends told me to get rid of Roboform.
You used to recommend it. What is the story now?
Carol
Dear Carol
Your friends are right!
The current version of RoboForm is extremely toxic and leads to
VERY VERY bad language.
Try to export all your passwords to a civilized password
manager NOW!
RFN! RIGHT Farting NOW!!!
Due to utter and complete moron malfunction Roboform is now
using a Master Password, that they expect you to memorize.
DUH!! What is a password manager for? Apparently nobody
'splained that to the @#$%^^& morons.
Then they demand that the password be totally complicated and
impossible to remember.
And finally, in about a month, Roboform forgets or changes the
Master Password.
Due to their total moron malfunction there is no way to
retrieve the Master Password.
RoboForm has sent all your 1800 differfent passwords to hell,
irretrievably.
Many of those 1800 passwords are probably obsolete, but all the
currently used ones are destroyed too.
Roboform support is absolutely useless. They just tell you that
you had been told to remember that impossible to remember
Master Password.
I even asked my friend and mentor Jerome in Idaho. You may
remember how I occasionally, if somebody had a really tricky
problem, that I could not solve, sent them to Jerome.
Well, it turns out that Jerome was cussing too and loading his
big gun.
So I searched and tested the available password managers.
I am still testing.
Roboform is out.
Dashlane is out. Same brain-dead concept.
I will keep testing until I find a password manager that I can
recommend.
In the meantime, try to back up your passwords, and if
possible, export them to a CSV file at a place, that you can
find again. You will need it to import your passwords when I
finde one, that is worth the hassle.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a country-club party a young man was introduced to an
attractive girl. Immediately she began flirting at him and
and flattering him outrageously. He liked the young lady,
but he was taken a bit aback by her fast and ardent
pitch. He was really amazed when after 30 minutes she
seriously proposed marriage.
"Look," he said. "We only met a half hour ago. How can
you be so sure? We know nothing about each other."
"You're wrong," the young lady declared. "For the past 5
years I've been working in the back office at the bank where
you have your account. I know all I ned to know about you."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A bright young Scottish lad named Shamus had the opportunity
to go to university in London. So he packed his bags and
said good-bye to his mother and left the highlands for the
big city.
After the first week his mother called to see how her boy
was holding up.
"I love it here Mother," Shamus told her, "but these English
students are the oddest people ever! Why the boy who lives
in the dormitory room next to me bangs his head against the
wall until midnight every night. And the boy in the room
above me stomps around until midnight every night. And the
boy right below me blasts his stereo until midnight every
night."
"Why don't you complain to the Dean of students?" asks his
mother.
"Well, it doesn't bother me much," answers Shamus. "I'm
usually up until that time quietly practising my bagpipes
anyway."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Bring Your Own Beverages
If you are in the habit of purchasing beverages or snacks
from vending machines at work or school, consider buying
cases of drinks and snacks so you can bring your own.
Vending machines usually charge double what grocery
stores do.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Some of the best of People Are wesome! |
___________________________________________________
Ever consider what pets must think of us? I mean, here we
come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul -
chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we're the greatest
hunters on earth!
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A Chicago salesman on a business trip to Boston had a few
hours to kill before catching a plane home. Remembering an
old friend's advice to try some broiled scrod, a favorite fish
in Boston, he hopped into a cab and asked the driver,
"Say, do you know where I could get scrod around here?"
The driver replied, "Pal, I've heard that question a thousand
times, but this is the first time, ever,
in the passive pluperfect subjunctive."
____________________________________________________
Today, September 4 in
0476 Romulus Augustulus, the last emperor of the western Roman
Empire, was deposed when Odoacer proclaimed himself King of
Italy.
1609 British navigator Henry Hudson began exploring the island
of Manhattan.
1781 Los Angeles, CA, was founded by Spanish settlers. The
original name was "El Pueblo de Nuestra Senora La Reina de Los
Angeles de Porciuncula," which translates as "The Town of the
Queen of Angels."
1825 New York Governor Clinton ceremoniously emptied a barrel
of Lake Erie water in the Atlantic Ocean to consummate the
"Marriage of the Waters" of the Great Lakes and the Atlantic.
1833 Barney Flaherty answered an ad in "The New York Sun" and
became the first newsboy/paperboy at the age of 10.
1882 Thomas Edison's Pearl Street electric power station began
operations in New York City. It was the first display of a
practical electrical lighting system.
1885 The Exchange Buffet opened in New York City. It was the
first self-service cafeteria in the U.S.
1886 Geronimo, and the Apache Indians he led, surrendered in
Skeleton Canyon in Arizona to Gen. Nelson Miles.
1888 George Eastman registered the name "Kodak" and patented
his roll-film camera. The camera took 100 exposures per roll.
1894 A strike in New York City by 12,000 tailors took place to
protest sweatshops.
1899 An 8.3 earthquake hit Yakutat Bar, AK.
1917 The American expeditionary force in France suffered its
first fatalities in World War I.
1921 The first police broadcast was made by radio station WIL
in St. Louis, MO.
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," began its
maiden voyage in Lakehurst, NJ.
1944 During World War II, British troops entered the city of
Antwerp, Belgium.
1948 The Dutch Queen Wilhelmina left her throne for health
reasons.
1949 The longest pro tennis match in history was played when
Pancho Gonzales and Ted Schroeder played 67 games in five sets.
1951 The first live, coast-to-coast TV broadcast took place in
the U.S. The event took place in San Francisco, CA, from the
Japanese Peace Treaty Conference. It was seen all the way to
New York City, NY.
1957 The Arkansas National Guard was ordered by Governor Orval
Faubus to keep nine black students from going into Little
Rock's Central High School.
1957 The Ford Motor Company began selling the Edsel. The car
was so unpopular that it was taken off the market after only
two years.
1967 "Gilligan's Island" aired for the last time on CBS-TV. It
ran for 98 shows.
1967 Michigan Gov. George Romney said during a TV interview
that he had undergone "brainwashing" by U.S. officials while
visiting Vietnam in 1965.
1972 Swimmer Mark Spitz captured his seventh Olympic gold medal
in the 400-meter medley relay event at Munich, Germany. Spitz
was the first Olympian to win seven gold medals.
1981 The Soviet Union began war games with about 100,000 troops
on the Polish border.
1983 U.S. officials announced that there had been an American
plane, used for reconnaissance, in the vicinity of the Korean
Air Lines flight that was shot down.
1986 South African security forces halted a mass funeral for
the victims of the riot in Soweto.
1989 A reconnaissance satellite was released by the Air Force's
Titan Three rocket. The Titan Three set over 200 satellites
into space between 1964 and 1989.
1993 Pope John Paul II started his first visit to the former
Soviet Union.
1993 Jim Abbott (New York Yankees) pitched a no-hitter. Abbott
had been born without a right hand.
1995 The Fourth World Conference on Women was opened in
Beijing. There were over 4,750 delegates from 181 countries in
attendance.
1998 In Mexico, bankers stopped approving personal loans and
mortgages.
1998 The International Monetary Fund approved a $257 million
loan for the Ukraine.
1998 Google was incorporated as a privately held company.
1998 While in Ireland, U.S. President Clinton said the words
"I'm sorry" for the first time about his affair with Monica
Lewinsky and described his behavior as indefensible.
1999 The United Nations announced that the residents of East
Timor had overwhelmingly voted for independence from Indonesia
in a referendum held on August 30. In Dili, pro-Indonesian
militias attacked independence supporters, burned buildings,
blew up bridges and destroyed telecommunication facilities.
2003 Keegan Reilly, 22, became the first parapalegic climber to
reach the peak of Japan's Mount Fuji.
2018 smiled.
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Monday, September 3, 2018, 09:54 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 3
Thank You, Wes!!!
I wonder if Pelousi or Mad Maxine will get as many Democrats
at their funeral as traitor McCain did?
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Florida couple built drive-thru window
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl
______________________________________________________
Today, September 3 in
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII.
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
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please donate what you can! |
|
We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes
of others.
--- Francois de La Rochefoucauld (1613 - 1680)
Let him that would move the world, first move himself."
--- Socrates
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two little boys were looking for a way to cool off on a hot
summer day. Their dad wouldn't let them play in the
sprinkler because he was mowing the lawn, so the boys set
out to find a way to get wet and cool without getting into
trouble.
They sat on the curb brainstorming the solution, when
suddenly one of them jumped up and declared, "I know! Lets
get baptized!"
Well, both boys had seen enough to know that you can get wet
at a baptism, so they trotted on down to the church on the
corner and told the pastor they wanted to get baptized.
The irritated pastor finally relented after about 10 minutes
of begging, and he finally dragged the boys to the men's
room and dunked them both head first into the toilet, then
sent them on their way.
The boys sat on the curb, slightly disappointed with the
whole adventure, when one of them asked the other, "Hey,
what religion are we now?"
"I don't know," replied the other. "If we were Baptists, he
would have filled up the big tub and dunked our whole body
like he did for Uncle Jim, and if we were Catholic, he would
have poured it on our heads from a pitcher..."
They sat and thought about it for a while longer when the
first one said in a small voice, "Since he stuck our head in
the toilet, I think that it means that we're 'pisscapalian."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl
whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed
in white?"
"Because white is the color of happiness, and today
is the happiest day of her life," her mother tried to
explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment, then said,
"So why is the groom wearing black?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
William Parrish Jr. ,32,
McKenzee Dobbs, 20,
Ocala,
Florida
Florida couple built drive-thru window
at mobile home to sell heroin and fentanyl
A Florida couple was arrested last week after they were
caught allegedly selling drugs out of a drive-thru window
they constructed out of the side of their mobile home.
William Parrish Jr. and McKenzee Dobbs of Ocala, Florida,
were arrested on August 23 after investigators raided their
mobile home following reports of four drug overdoses in the
area, WFTV reported.
Ocala Police said the couple had turned a kitchen window
into a drive-thru so customers would not have to constantly
enter and exit their home, potentially drawing unwanted
attention, WFTV reported. The house had signs directing
people where to drive and indicated whether it was open or
closed, police said.
“We were seeing some overdose incidents that were happening
in this particular area, specifically at this particular
location,” said Ocala Police Capt. Steven Cuppy. “There
[were] some heroin sales that were going on there.
Subsequently, through the investigation, we were able to
determine that product was laced with fentanyl.”
Parrish, 32, was charged with driving under the influence,
keeping a dwelling used to sell drugs, possession of drugs
with intent to sell and resisting arrest without violence,
according to Marion County Sheriff’s Office inmate records.
Dobbs, 20, has been charged with keeping a dwelling used to
sell drugs, possession of drugs with intent to sell,
possession of fentanyl and possession of fentanyl with
intent to sell, court records show.
William Parrish Sr. told WFTV his son had been “trying to
get himself straightened out” and maintained reports of
overdoses were a “lie.”
Ocala is located inland, about 66 miles west of Daytona
Beach.
From: Dani
Re: Filter for U-Tube spoofs
Dear Webby,
How do I filter out crap like this?
I KNOW I am not on any video, and since the barbecue blew up
this spring, I am not even on any photo! I am actually
contemplating becoming a muslim until my hair grows back. :(
In addition to that, MailWasher tells me that it is linking
to somewhere else.
Here is a typical example:
===
this i not good. If this video gets to her husband your
both dead. see for yourself...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lQrTPGpMziX
[links to 74.132.117.201/]
===
I am sure you get them too. How do you filter them?
Dani
Dear Dani
I had to root around the restore bin to find an example.
The same 7BIT filter that I described before, also gets
this type of virus generated spam.
IF the entire header contains 7BIT, then delete, without
warning.
They fly right by, straight to hell, unseen by anybody,
except when you send me to check the restore bin.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A customer at Greenbaum's Gourmet Grocery marveled at the
proprietor's quick wit and intelligence.
"Tell me, Greenbaum, what makes you so smart?"
"I wouldn't share my secret with just anyone," Greenbaum
replies, lowering his voice so the other shoppers won't
hear. "But since you're a good and faithful customer, I'll
let you in on it. Fish heads.
You eat enough of them, you'll be positively brilliant."
"You sell them here?" the customer asks.
"Only $4 apiece," says Morris.
The customer buys three. A week later, he's back in the
store complaining that the fish heads were disgusting and he
isn't any smarter.
"You didn't eat enough, " says Greenbaum. The customer goes
home with 20 more fish heads. Two weeks later, he's back and
this time he's really angry.
"Hey, Greenbaum," he says, "You're selling me fish heads for
$4 apiece when I just found out I can buy the whole fish for
$2. You're ripping me off!"
"You see?" says Morris. "You're smarter already."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A farmer lived on a quiet rural highway. But, as time went
by, the traffic slowly built up at an alarming rate. The
traffic was so heavy and so fast that his chickens were
being run over at a rate of three to six a day. So one day
he called the sheriff's office and said,
"You've got to do something about all of these people
driving so fast and killing all of my chickens."
"What do you want me to do?" asked the sheriff.
"I don't care, just do something about those drivers."
So the next day he had the county go out and put up a sign
that said: SLOW: SCHOOL CROSSING.
Three days later the farmer called the sheriff and said,
"You've got to do something about these drivers. The 'school
crossing sign seems to make them go faster." So, again, the
sheriff sends out the county and they put up a new sign:
SLOW: CHILDREN AT PLAY.
And that really sped them up. So the farmer called and
called and called everyday for three weeks. Finally, he
asked the sheriff, "Your signs are doing no good. Is it all
right for me to put up my own sign?"
The sheriff told him, "Sure thing, put up your own sign."
He was going to let the farmer do just about anything in
order to have him stop calling. Well, the sheriff got no
more calls from the farmer.
Three weeks after the farmers last call, the sheriff decided
to call him.
"How's the problem with those drivers. Did you put up your
sign?"
"Oh, I sure did. And not one chicken has been killed since
then. I've got to go. I'm very busy." And he hung up the
phone.
The sheriff thought to himself, "I'd better go to that
farmer's house and look at that sign... There might be
something there that WE could use to slow down drivers..."
So the sheriff drove out to the farmer's house, and he saw
the sign.
It was a whole sheet of plywood. And written in large yellow
letters on bright red background were the words:
SLOW: NUDIST COLONY.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Applying Stain To Wood
Sand wood and remove any dust before staining. A clean, used
pair pantyhose works well for applying stain to wood. The
nylon provides an even coat and doesn't leave behind any
lint. Wear rubber gloves and old clothes. It usually takes
at least two coats to get a uniform look.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
|
___________________________________________________
For his wife's birthday party, a doctor ordered
a cake with this inscription:
"You are not getting older.
You are just getting better."
Asked how he wanted the message arranged, he said,
"Just put 'You are not getting older' at the top
and 'You are just getting better' at the bottom."
It wasn't until the good doctor was ready to serve
the cake that he discovered that the cake read:
"YOU ARE NOT GETTING OLDER AT THE TOP.
YOU ARE JUST GETTING BETTER AT THE BOTTOM."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Sandie for this update from Florida
IT'S SO HOT and DRY IN FLORIDA.
.... the birds have to use potholders to pull worms out of
the ground
.....the trees are whistling for the dogs.
.....the best parking place is determined by shade instead
of distance.
.... hot water now comes out of both taps.
.....you can make sun tea instantly.
.....you learn that a seat belt buckle makes a pretty good
branding iron.
.....the temperature drops below 95 F (35 C) and you feel
the icy breeze.
.....you discover that in July it only takes 2 fingers to
steer your car.
.....you discover that you can get sunburned through your
car window.
.....you actually burn your hand opening the car door.
.....you break into a sweat the instant you step outside at
7:30 a.m.
.....your biggest bicycle wreck fear is, "What if I get
knocked out and
end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"
.....you realize that asphalt has a liquid state.
.....the potatoes cook underground, so all you have to do
is pull one out and add butter. (in the garden)
.....the cows are giving evaporated milk.
.....people are feeding their chickens crushed ice to keep
them from laying boiled eggs. (in the country)
.....you can't fry eggs on the tank of your bike, if they
got hard boiled in the carton on the way across the parking
lot.
.....the hot air from the Algorians provides a welcome
cooling breeze.
____________________________________________________
Today, September 3 in
1189 England's King Richard I was crowned in Westminster.
1783 The Revolutionary War between the U.S. and Great
Britain ended with the Treaty of Paris.
1833 The first successful penny newspaper in the U.S., "The
New York Sun," was launched by Benjamin H. Day.
1935 Sir Malcolm Campbell became the first person to drive
an automobile over 300 miles an hour. He reached 304.331 MPH
on the Bonneville Salt Flats in Utah.
1939 British Prime Minister Neville Chamberlain, in a radio
broadcast, announced that Britain and France had declared
war on Germany and started WWII.
Germany had invaded Poland on September 1.
1943 After Italy had switched sides, Italy was invaded by
the Allied forces during World War II.
1954 "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the final time
after 2,956 episodes over a period of 21 years.
1967 Nguyen Van Thieu was elected president of South Vietnam
under a new constitution.
1967 In Sweden, motorists stopped driving on the left side
of the road and began driving on the right side.
1976 The U.S. spacecraft Viking 2 landed on Mars. The
unmanned spacecraft took the first close-up, color photos of
the planet's surface.
1981 Egypt arrested more than 1,500 opponents of the
government.
1986 Peat Marwick International and Klynveld Main Goerdeler
of the Netherlands agreed to merge and form the world’s
largest accounting firm.
1989 The U.S. began shipping military aircraft and weapons,
worth $65 million, to Columbia in its fight against drug
lords.
1994 Russia and China announced that they would no longer be
targeting nuclear missiles or using force against each
other.
1999 Mario Lemieux's ownership group officially took over
the National Hockey League's Pittsburgh Penguins. Lemieux
became the first player in the modern era of sports to buy
the team he had once played for.
2013 Hunters in Mississippi caught a 727-pound alligator.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, August 30, 2018, 09:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 30
By the time you read this, I will be on the way to Calgary
for injections into my eyeballs. Ouch and Ouch.
Darren, a neighbor, will drive me back afterwards.
There won't be any newsletters or emails sent out on
Friday, Saturday or Sunday.
Monday is Labor Day. Come to think of it, I have NEVER in
my life had Labor Day off. Extra pay for working on Labor
Day, sure, but never had Labor Day off. So, if there is no
newsletter in your mail on Monday, I will celebrate my
first Labor Day!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies
______________________________________________________
Today, August 30 in
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.
--- Ethel Mumford
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Well, times are changing. Twenty years ago, if I told a
woman that I wanted to google her Wiki with my Palm Pilot,
she would probably have either slapped or kissed me.
Today she'll offer to guide me in.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Cookie for this story:
A little old lady is walking down the street, dragging two
plastic garbage bags with her, one in each hand.
There's a hole in one of the bags, and every once in a
while a $20 bill is flying out of it onto the pavement.
Noticing this, a policeman stops her...."Ma'am, there are
$20 bills falling out of that bag...
"Darn!" says the little old lady....."I' d better go back
and see if I can still find some. Thanks for the warning!"
"Well, now, not so fast," says the cop. "How did you get
all that money? Did you steal it?"
"Oh, no", says the little old lady. "You see, my back yard
backs up to the parking lot of the football stadium. Each
time there's a game, a lot of fans come and pee in the
bushes, right into my flower beds!
So, I go and stand behind the bushes with a big hedge
clipper, and each time someone sticks his little thingie
through the fence, I say: $20 or off it comes!"
"Hey, not a bad idea!" laughs the cop. "OK, good luck!
By the way, what's in the other bag?"
"Well", says the little old lady, "not all of them pay."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Paul Guadalupe Gonzales,
45
Pasadena,
Mexifornia
Mexifornia Man Accused of Serial
Dining-and-Dashing, Leaving Dates
to Pay, Faces Multiple Felonies
A man criticized as the “dine-and-dash dater” after
being accused of meeting women at restaurants across the
Los Angeles area only to leave them with the bill pleaded
not guilty to charges of theft and extortion on Monday,
prosecutors said.
Paul Guadalupe Gonzales, 45, allegedly connected with a
string of women through dating apps and websites and
invited them out to dinner between May 2016 and this April
with the intent of using them as a meal ticket, the L.A.
County District Attorney’s Office said in a release.
He arranged dates at restaurants in Pasadena, Long Beach,
Burbank and Los Angeles, where he ordered and consumed food
and drinks, then disappeared before the bill had been
paid,
the DA’s office said.
Eight women told prosecutors they’d footed the bill, one of
them under the belief that Gonzales would pay her back.
And
at least twice, the restaurant paid its own check — making
those businesses victims in the criminal complaint,
officials said.
In total, Gonzales is accused of defrauding the women of
more than $950. Expecting big city women's libbers to pay
for dinner is of course considered quite naughty!
He’s also charged with receiving hair salon services, then
leaving before paying.
Investigators obtained an arrest warrant for Gonzales on
July 3, and inmate records show he was taken into custody
Saturday, Aug. 25, in Pasadena.
He was subsequently charged with seven counts of extortion,
two counts of attempted extortion and one count of grand
theft — all felonies. He also faces two misdemeanor counts
each of defrauding an innkeeper and petty theft.
If convicted as charged, the defendant could spend up to 13
years in state prison, prosecutors said.
Gonzales is scheduled to return to court in Pasadena for a
preliminary hearing on Sept. 7.
From: Leanne
Re: hiberfil.sys
Dear Webby,
I got this huge file called hiberfil.sys, and it's
fragmented
so badly that even DisKeeper can't do anything about it.
Actually, it's the only fragmented file it shows on the C:
drive.
Is there a way to get rid of it?
Leanne
Dear Leanne
hiberfil.sys is just a snapshot of what you got open and
running, what Windows will return to when it wakes up
from hibernating.
If you get rid of, or move hiberfil.sys then Windows has
nothing to return to when you get back from lunch.
That is why DisKeeper won't touch it.
The only safe way to get rid of hiberfil.sys is to turn of
Hibernation. Go to
Control Panel
Power
Hibernation
Apply
Then reboot. The file is gone.
Now tell Diskeeper to do a defrag and snug everything up.
You will wind up with a lean and mean and fast C: drive
with zero fragments.
After that, you can turn hibernation on again.
It's a good idea to do that once or twice a year.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying
his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head
with the cast iron frying pan.
"I found a piece of paper in your pant pocket with the name
"Marylou" written on it,"
she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation."
"Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week
when I was at the dog track? That was the name of the dog
I bet on."
The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked
him again.
"What was that for?" he complained.
"Your dog called last night."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A guy goes up to this girl in a bar and says, "Would you
like to dance?"
The girl says, "I don't like this song, but even if I did,
I wouldn't dance with you."
The guy says, "I'm sorry, you must have misunderstood me, I
said you look fat in those pants."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shopping By The Seasons
By preparing meals with foods that are in season you can
save a lot of money. Other seasonal deals to look for are
meat sales around the holidays. Some examples are hot dogs
before the 4th of July and specialty meats like ham or
turkey for Easter,
Thanksgiving or Christmas.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Be aware of this plant, it's very dangerous.
|
___________________________________________________
Supposedly a true story, but it sounds like an Urban
Legend.
A British doctor examining a young woman with abdominal
pains asked her if she was sexually active. She said that
she wasn't. A later examination showed that she was
pregnant.
Asked why she said that she was not sexually active, the
woman replied: I'm not, I just lie there.
When asked if she knew who the father was, with a puzzled
look she replied,
"No. Who?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
The church next door welcomes all denominations,
but mainly they prefer tens and twenties.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 30 in
1146 European leaders outlawed the crossbow. The Swiss
disagreed and even put the cross bow onto their coat of
arms and flag. They soundly defeated the Empire army of
armored knights. Their tin suits were no match for cross
bows.
1645 American Indians and the Dutch made a peace treaty at
New Amsterdam. New Amsterdam later became known as New
York.
1682 William Penn sailed from England and later established
the colony of Pennsylvania in America.
1780 General Benedict Arnold secretly promised to surrender
the West Point fort to the British army.
1809 Charles Doolittle Walcott first discovered fossils
near Burgess Pass. He named the site Burgess Shale after
nearby Mt. Burgess.
1862 The Confederates defeated Union forces at the second
Battle of Bull Run in Manassas, VA.
1905 Ty Cobb made his major league batting debut with the
Detroit Tigers.
1928 The Independence of India League was established in
India.
1941 During World War II, the Nazis severed the last
railroad link between Leningrad and the rest of the Soviet
Union.
1945 General Douglas MacArthur set up Allied occupation
headquarters in Japan.
1951 The Philippines and the United States signed a defense
pact.
1956 In Louisianna, the Lake Pontchartrain Causeway opened.
1960 A partial blockade was imposed on West Berlin by East
Germany.
1963 The "Hotline" between Moscow and Washington, DC, went
into operation.
1965 Thurgood Marshall was confirmed by the U.S. Senate as
a Supreme Court justice. Marshall was the first black
justice to sit on the Supreme Court.
1982 P.L.O. leader Yasir Arafat left Beirut for Greece.
1983 The space shuttle Challenger blasted off with Guion S.
Bluford Jr. aboard. He was the first black American to
travel in space.
1984 The space shuttle Discovery lifted off for the first
time. On the voyage three communications satellites were
deployed.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan, and several others, were
inducted into the Sportscasters Hall of Fame.
1991 The Soviet republic of Azerbaijan declared its
independence.
1994 Rosa Parks was robbed and beaten by Joseph Skipper.
Parks was known for her refusal to give up her seat on a
bus in 1955, which sparked the civil rights movement.
1994 The largest U.S. defense contractor was created when
the Lockheed and Martin Marietta corporations agreed to a
merger.
1996 An expedition to raise part of the Titanic failed when
the nylon lines being used to raise part of the hull
snapped.
1999 The residents of East Timor overwhelmingly voted for
independence from Indonesia. The U.N. announced the result
on September 4.
2002 Conoco Inc. and Phillips Petroleum merged to create
ConocoPhillips. The new company was the third largest
integrated energy company and the second largest refining
company in the U.S.
2018 smiled.
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Underline shortcut letters
Wednesday, August 29, 2018, 08:50 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 29
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
A Kansas City woman arrested for
letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter.
______________________________________________________
Today, August 29 in
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Never judge a book by its movie.
--- J. W. Eagan
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The gynecologist complimented the young woman on his
examination table. "Go home and tell your husband to
prepare for a baby."
"But I don't have a husband," the girl replied.
"Then, go home and tell your lover."
"But I don't have a lover. I've never had a lover!"
"In that case," the doctor sighed, "go home and tell your
mother to prepare for the second coming of Christ."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A programmer, an accountant and a lawyer are all standing
around at a party discussing if it's better to have a wife
or a girlfriend.
The accountant says, "A girlfriend! No commitments, no
hassles. When you get tired, you just move on."
The lawyer says, "One needs a wife. That way you have a
representative; an extension of yourself at important
gatherings with influential people".
The programmer says, "You're both wrong. You need a wife
AND a girlfriend. That way the wife thinks you're with the
girlfriend; the girlfriend thinks you're with the wife and
all the while you're at the office creating programs!"
______________________________________________________
Phoning and eating while driving
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Azzie Watson, 25
Independe3nce,
Missoury
A Kansas City woman arrested for
letting men rape her 2-yr-old daughter.
A Kansas City woman has been charged with
letting men rape her 2-year-old daughter.
Twenty-five-year-old Azzie Watson, of Independence, was
charged Tuesday with child abuse and endangerment. Bond is
set at $75,000. No attorney is listed for her in online
court records.
WDAF-TV reports that court documents say Watson's boyfriend
recorded Watson talking about repeatedly taking her
daughter to a house where her daughter was raped about five
times. She says on the recording that she watched.
Police were given the recording last month while responding
to a rape report at a hospital. Court documents say Watson
told detectives that what she said in the recording was a
lie because she was scared of her boyfriend.
Watson also claimed she didn't know how her daughter
contracted a sexually transmitted disease.
From Crystal
Re: Underlined shortcut letters
Dear Webby,
I have used the underlined letters in menus as short-cut
keys for ages. Now my cute but rather klutzy hubby did a
whole lot of changes and somehow disabled them. He does
not remember which of the dozens of changes he made
could have caused that. We use W7.
Help!
Crystal
Dear Crystal
Open Control Panel / Ease of Access Center / Make the
Keyboard easier to use.
This option is at the bottom of the window.
Underline keyboard shortcuts and access keys.
Checkmark that and OK out of there.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A friend mentioned tying her dog to a table leg and the dog
dragging the table. That reminded me of a similar
experience:
I will always remember one eveing in 75, when I chained two
of my sled dogs, pure-bred mutts, to the welded on eye
bolts on opposite ends of the step bumper on my Ford Pick-
up, while I went into the McRae truck stop on the Alaska
Highway to eat.
When they spotted a blackbear sauntering across the parking
lot, they both took off after it like bullets. The 3/8"
tow
chain I had used, was stronger than the "slighlty" rusty
bumper bolts, and with the bumper clattering along behind
them, they went after the bear.
The poor bear had probably never been that scared before
in it's life, and remembered how he used to climb trees as
a pup. He went up a telphone pole faster than a lineman
three minutes before quitting time.
I have been VERY choosy about what I tie dogs to ever
since.
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A linguistics professor was lecturing to his class one day.
"In English," he said, "a double negative forms a
positive.
In some languages, though, such as Russian, a double
negative is still a negative. However, there is no
language wherein a double positive can form a negative."
A voice from the back of the room said, "Yeah, right."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repairing Holes in Wood
Use a mixture of wood glue and sawdust to fill holes in
wood furniture or molding. If you can use sawdust from the
same wood, or something similar, the repair will be less
noticeable when you stain it.
Be very careful in your selection of glue!
Most modern carpenter's glues will shed stain lilke butter
sheds water. Use the finest sanding dust that you can get
by sanding the back of the same wood, and make glue with
regular, unbleached flour and water. Pour or smear some
of it into the hole, then mix the rest with the sanding
dust
and tamp the mixture into the hole. Tamp it very hard and a
bit higher than the surrounding wood, and let it dry
overnight or longer. After sanding it, it will blend in
nicely, and take a stain just like real wood.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Five unusual circular buildings.
|
___________________________________________________
There was this man who, many years ago, worked for a large
business. That was his lifetime employment, but he wasn't
happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He
saved his money and finally had enough that he could quit
and start his own business.
About two years later, I was on vacation and was going
through the town where his business was located. I stopped
by for a visit. "Hey John, I heard that the first year is
the hardest for a new business."
"Yeah, the first year was pretty rough, but we are doing
pretty good now. In fact, I'm getting to where I only have
to work half a day."
"Wow, that's pretty nice. Maybe I should think about going
into business for myself."
"Yeah, and the nicest part of it is that it doesn't matter
which twelve hours you work."
----------
I am not that far yet, but 18 hours is better than 20
hours!
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
>From Erin:
As I was dropping off my son at his daycare the other day,
I overheard some of the other children talking about their
siblings.
"My brother takes karate lessons," bragged one little boy.
"My sister takes gymnastics," said another.
Not to be outdone, the littlest child in the group piped
up.
"My sister takes antibiotics!"
____________________________________________________
Today, August 29 in
1828 A patent was issued to Robert Turner for the self-
regulating wagon brake.
1833 The "Factory Act" was passed in England to settle
child labor laws.
1842 The Treaty of Nanking was signed by the British and
the Chinese. The treaty ended the first Opium War and gave
the island of Hong Kong to Britain.
1885 The first prizefight under the Marquis of Queensberry
Rules was held in Cincinnati, OH. John L. Sullivan defeated
Dominick McCaffery in six rounds.
1886 In New York City, Chinese Ambassador Li Hung-chang's
chef invented chop suey.
1892 Pop (Billy) Shriver (Chicago Cubs) caught a ball that
was dropped from the top of the Washington Monument in
Washington, DC.
1944 During the continuing celebration of the liberation of
France from the Nazis, 15,000 American troops marched down
the Champs Elysees in Paris.
1945 U.S. General Douglas MacArthur left for Japan to
officially accept the surrender of the Japanese.
1949 At the University of Illinois, a nuclear device was
used for the first time to treat cancer patients.
1957 Senator Strom Thurmond of South Carolina set a
filibuster record in the U.S. when he spoke for 24 hours
and 18 minutes.
1962 The lower level of the George Washington Bridge
opened.
1965 Gemini 5, carrying astronauts Gordon Cooper and
Charles ("Pete") Conrad, splashed down in the Atlantic
Ocean after eight days in space.
1983 Two U.S. marines were killed in Lebanon by the militia
group Amal when they fired mortar shells at the Beirut
airport.
1983 The anchor of the USS Monitor, from the U.S. Civil
War, was retrieved by divers.
1991 The Communist Party in the Soviet Union had its bank
accounts frozen and activities were suspended because of
the Party's role in the failed coup attempt against Mikhail
Gorbachev.
1991 The republics of Russia and Ukraine signed an
agreement to stay in the Soviet Union.
1992 The U.N. Security Council agreed to send troops to
Somalia to guard the shipments of food.
1994 Mario Lemieux announced that he would be taking a
medical leave of absence due to fatigue, an aftereffect of
his 1993 radiation treatments. He would sit out the
National Hockey Leagues (NHL) 1994-95 season.
2004 India test-launched a nuclear-capable missle able to
carry a one-ton warhead. The weapon had a range of 1,560
miles.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, August 28, 2018, 10:16 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 28
Thank you, Andy!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas mother separated from kids
after she was arrested for murder
______________________________________________________
Today, August 28 in
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
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please donate what you can! |
|
There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn.
--- Albert Camus (1913 - 1960)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
As soon as she had finished convent school, a bright young
girl named Lena shook the dust of Ireland off her shoes and
made her way to New York where before long, she became a
successful performer in show business.
Eventually she returned to her home town for a visit and on
a Saturday night went to confession in the church where she
had always attended as a child. In the confessional Father
Sullivan recognized her and began asking her about her
work.
She explained that she was an acrobatic dancer, and he
wanted to know what that meant. She said she would be happy
to show him the kind of thing she did on stage. She stepped
out of the confessional and within sight of Father
Sullivan, she went into a series of cartwheels, leaping
splits, handsprings and back flips.
Kneeling near the confessional, waiting their turn, were
two middle- aged ladies. They witnessed Lena's acrobatics
with wide eyes, and one said to the other, "Will you just
look at the penance Father Sullivan is givin' out this
night, and me without me bloomers on!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee
when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-
lettered "For Sale" sign out front.
After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the
startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room,
opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets, and
pointing out where a "new light fixture
here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her
assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would
offer her the listing.
"Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement
tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says,
'HORSE for sale.'"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Juwuan Terry, 18,
Jason Epeards, 18,
Jasean Dale, 19,
Indianapolis,
Indiana
Las Vegas mother separated from kids
after she was arrested for murder
Police arrested a Las Vegas mother after investigators
searching for a missing toddler found the body of a young
girl in a duffel bag at the woman’s apartment Thursday
night, authorities said.
Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Department Homicide Lt. Ray
Spencer said the girl was reported missing just before 9
p.m. on the 6800 block of East Lake Mead Boulevard near
Hollywood Boulevard.
According to initial reports, the mother, identified as 29-
year-old Aisha Thomas, was walking to Albertson’s with her
four children and was on the phone when one of her kids
wandered off and went missing, Las Vegas television station
KVVU reported.
Detectives from Metro police’s Missing Persons Detail
responded and began searching the neighborhood.
Detectives set up a command post in the parking lot of the
Albertson’s for additional resources, Spencer said.
Meanwhile, officers began looking for the girl inside
Thomas’s apartment, but they were unable to find the child
at first.
Officers then conducted a second search since Thomas’s
story began showing inconsistencies, according to Spencer.
During the second search, police noticed a heavy duffel bag
inside the master bedroom’s closet that was “emitting a
mildew smell.”
They found garbage bags when they opened the duffel bag,
Spencer said. They opened the bags and found the body of
the missing 3-year-old.
Thomas was arrested on suspicion of murder, Las Vegas
police said. The other three children were placed in the
care of Child Protective Services. According to Spencer,
police believe the girl was killed within the last three
days.
Four days ago, the girl’s father had been arrested after a
domestic violence call was placed, according to Spencer.
From: Anton
Re: Printng photos
Dear Webby,
When I try to print pictures, they don't come out anywhere
near as good as the samples they had at the store and
claimed they had printed with that kind of printer. Did
they use prints from a different printer or am I doing
something wrong?
Anton
Dear Anton
Most likely they used the most expensive photo paper.
They also probably used a picture formatted for 300 or more
pixels per inch.
If you save a picture off a browser, it will be 72 pixels
per inch.
That is a huge difference in the number of dots on a
picture.
If you use JPG format and any amount of compression, then
you also lose picture quality very quickly. JPG compression
is for sending pictures to your aunt on her slow dial-up,
but not for printing. If you want a nice print, set the
compression to 1. Watch the file size, though! For example,
a picture of the "Eye Of God" (Helix nebula) off the
browser might be 30 KB on some sites that use compression,
250 KB on mine at
Eye
Of God 800 x 600,
but if you use the original, sized to 10" x 7.5" at 320
DPI, it's over 2.5 MB.
In summary, use good paper, good ink, 300 or more DPI,
and absolutely no compression in any step between camera
and printer.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The college football player knew his way around the locker
room better than he did the library, so when my husband's
co-worker saw the gridiron star roaming the stacks of
books looking confused, she asked how she could help.
"I have to read a play by Shakespeare," he said.
"Which one?" she asked.
He scanned the shelves and answered, "William, I think."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"Excuse for Republicans driving sports cars that cost more
than their fathers ever made in a year: It's cheaper than
marrying a woman half my age." --P.J. O'Rourke
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Organizing Cooking Sheets
Buy a piece of corner molding at your local hardware store
and cut it into pieces that are about the depth of your
kitchen cabinets. Nail the pieces of molding to the bottom
of your cabinet perpendicular to the opening and you can
then store your cookie sheets upright.
When I design a kitchen, I always put a narrow, floor to
countertop drawer beside the stove, with no sidewall on
the stove side. Into the top I put a towel rack, and in the
bottom a chrome wire guard or fence to hold cookie sheets
upright and from tipping against the stove side.
The waste heat from the stove dries the towels and stove
cloths, and the library of cookie sheets and cake pans is
easily accessible.
Now if I could find some decent flour bins, the kitchen
would be perfect.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Destination hot springs and camping.
|
___________________________________________________
A salesman was demonstrating unbreakable combs in a
department store. He was impressing the people who stopped
by to look by putting the comb through all sorts of torture
and stress.
Finally to impress even the skeptics in the crowd, he bent
the comb completely in half, and it snapped with a loud
crack. Without missing a beat, he bravely held up both
halves of the 'unbreakable' comb for everyone to see and
said, "And this, ladies and gentlemen, is what an
unbreakable comb looks like on the inside."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Thanks to Bob for this revelation:
My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff
was for.
Then I noticed women were coming up to me, they'd sniff,
exclaim, "Married!", and walk off.
So, gents, that's how they mark their territory! You can
take off that ring, but it's hard to get that "April fresh
scent" out of your clothes.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 28 in
1609 Delaware Bay was discovered by Henry Hudson.
1619 Ferdinand II was elected Holy Roman Emperor. His
policy of "One church, one king" was his way of trying to
outlaw Protestantism.
1830 "The Tom Thumb" was demonstrated in Baltimore, MD. It
was the first passenger-carrying train of its kind to be
built in America.
1833 Slavery was banned by the British Parliament
throughout the British Empire.
1907 "American Messenger Company" was started by two
teenagers, Jim Casey and Claude Ryan. The company's name
was later changedto "United Parcel Service."
1916 Italy's flipping to the winning side and declaration
of war against Germany took effect duringWorld War I.
1917 Ten suffragists were arrested as they picketed the
White House.
1922 The first radio commercial aired on WEAF in New York
City. The Queensboro Realty Company bought 10 minutes of
time for$100.
1939 The first successful flight of a jet-propelled
airplane took place. The plane was a German Heinkel He 178.
1963 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr., gave his "I Have a Dream"
speech at a civil rights rally in Washington, DC. More than
200,000 people attended.
1972 Mark Spitz captured the first of his seven gold medals
at the Summer Olympics in Munich, Germany. He set a world
record when he completed the 200-meter butterfly in 2
minutes and 7/10ths of a second.
1990 Iraq declared Kuwait to be its 19th province and
renamed Kuwait City al-Kadhima.
1995 The biggest bank in the U.S. was created when Chase
Manhattan and Chemical Bank announced their $10 billion
deal.
1996 A divorce decree was issued for Britain's Charles and
Princess Diana. This was the official end to the 15-year
marriage.
1998 The Pakistani prime minister created new Islamic order
and legal system based on the Koran.
2004 George Brunstad, at age 70, became the oldest person
to swim the English Channel. The swim from Dover, England,
to Sangatte, France, took 15 hours and 59 minutes.
2008 In China, the Shanghai World Financial Center
officially opened. The observation decks opened on August
30.
2014 Google announced its Project Wing. The project was
aimed at delivering products across a city using unmanned
flying vehicles.
2018 smiled.
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Computer noisy in the afternoon
Monday, August 27, 2018, 07:34 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 27
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Indiana teens murder delivery man,
then ate the pizza
______________________________________________________
Today, August 27 in
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the
U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
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please donate what you can! |
|
If the automobile had followed the same development cycle
as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a
million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing
everyone inside.
--- Robert X. Cringely
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
I used to do some locksmithing and still get called out
for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received
a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her
keys in her truck.
She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her
the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way.
Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck
(but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,)
I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck.
As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked
across at the driver door and noticed... it was unlocked.
Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for
her.
'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock
the driver's door from the passenger side.'"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Diane for this story: In a small mid western
conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to
open up their business. The local Baptist church started a
campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and
prayers. Work progressed, however right up till the week
before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it
burned to the ground.
The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after
that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds
that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise
of his building, either through direct or indirect actions
or means.
The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any
connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the
court.
As the case made it's way into court, the judge looked over
the paperwork at the hearing and commented, "I don't know
how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the
paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of
prayer,
and an entire church congregation that doesn't.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Juwuan Terry, 18,
Jason Epeards, 18,
Jasean Dale, 19,
Indianapolis,
Indiana
Indiana teens murder delivery man,
then ate the pizza
Three teens who ordered pizza in Indiana allegedly killed
the delivery man and ate the food, according to officials.
Police said LaVon Drake, 24, was shot to death Monday night
in a robbery while delivering Papa John’s pizzas to a
vacant home in Indianapolis, news station WXIN reported.
The suspects — Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, and
Jasean Dale, 19 — allegedly placed the delivery after
breaking into the residence.
Drake’s body was found in the empty home around 7:45 p.m.
Authorities said they were able to track down the suspects
Tuesday since a neighbor saw the teens’ car and wrote down
the license plate.
The trio allegedly confessed to gunning down Drake.
Murder charges were filed against all three of the teens.
Epeards and Terry also face additional charges for robbery,
according to court records.
Drake, a manager at Papa John’s, was covering for his co-
workers the night he was killed, according to WXIN.
“He was a good young man, a great employee and a great
manager,” his colleague Cheyenne Pryor told The
Indianapolis Star. “I’m going to miss him so much.”
From: Elvira
Re: Noisy computer
Dear Webby, My computer works fine in the morning, but in
the afternoon it gets noisy and most programs slow down.
The wanna-be son-in-law who claims to be a computer guru,
said it's just getting old and that he would give me $50
trade-in value for it if I bought a new $1600 computer from
him.
My computer is only two years old, and in the morning is
still quite a speed demon. What's the real story?
Elvira
Dear Elvira That guy is not a guru, he is a gooron,
or a crook. Or possibly both. Your computer is simply
overheating in the afternoon, because it has not been
cleaned out for a long time.
Take the side cover off. If you can do that and comfortably
lie down on the floor in front of it, do it there,
otherwise unplug everything and set the computer on top of
some spread newspapers on the kitchen table. Then take the
vaccum cleaner with the furniture crevice tool attached and
clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt. Clean the heat
sinks with Q-tips. "Heat Sinks" are those finned metal
blocks that cover the CPU and other hard working chips.
Some heatsinks have shrouds over them. Those can normally
be removed wihout any tools. Just look at them and push on
different sides and places. They are a bit tricky, but any
woman, who can take a food processor apart and put it back
together, has a huge advantage over men who have not
acquired that skill. The heat sinks under shrouds
frequently look rather gross, but no worse than the inside
of a stove exhaust hood.
Fold a kleenex or paper towel around a business card or
credit card and slide it between the fins to clean them. If
they don't come perfectly clean with just that, drip some
rubbing alcohol or Windex onto the paper. Don't think of
the project as a tedious nuisance. Consider it a battle
against the evil dust bunnies in their secret castle and
it's a fun ten minutes. Also clean the blades of any fan in
there.
Afterwards your computer will run fine all day and never
get so hot that the fans go into noisy overdrive or that it
slows down the CPU because it is getting too hot. When you
put the computer back, put it onto some bricks or old phone
books to raise the dust bunny entrance portal a bit above
the floor. And don't forget to tell your daughter that her
pet gooron is an idiot.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Thanks to Linda for this story: In high school I was always
self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a
lifeguard.
I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he
was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of
shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother
to answer the door, compare his height with my date's, and
run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear.
When I heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed
up and told me: "Go barefoot."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine
restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes
over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says
she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him
and says, "Who the hell was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had
enough, I want a divorce."
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but
remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get
any more shopping trips, no more wintering down South, no
more summers up North, no more spare car in the garage and
no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a
gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks
the wife.
"That's his mistress," says her husband.
"Ours is prettier," she replied.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Using a Plunger In a Bathroom
Sink One problem with using a plunger in a bathroom sink is
that the plunger can not create a true seal because of the
overflow opening. Before plunging, cover the overflow with
a piece of tape or hold a cloth against it. This will allow
the plunger to do it's work efficiently.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The Skeleton of Jeremy Bentham
|
___________________________________________________
During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud
whistle from one of the back pews. Little Johnny's mother
was horrified. She pinched him and told him to be silent.
After church she asked, "Johnny, whatever made you do such
a thing?" Little Johnny said quite honestly, "I asked God
to teach me how to whistle and all of a sudden, He did!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son
who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do
something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got
a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got
another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it
was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept
arriving every month, and finally the man called his
brother again to find out what was going on.
"Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something
nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 27 in
1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to
his attacks on King Charles II.
1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by
the French National Assembly.
1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent
during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina.
1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was
published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was
about the peace demands of England and France being met by
China.
1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the
U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA.
1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal
clarinet.
1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the
first time of his career by George LaBlanche.
1892 The original Metropolitan Opera House in New York was
seriously damaged by fire.
1894 The Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act was passed by the U.S.
Congress. The provision within for a graduated income tax
was later struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court.
1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro
football team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to
those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green
Bay Packers. (NFL)
1928 The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed by 15 countries in
Paris. Later, 47 other nations would sign the pact.
1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some
papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet,
Archibald MacLeish.
1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig.
It had been awarded to Poland after WWI and was used by
England as an Ultimatum for starting WWII.
1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of
the Japanese government at the end of World War II.
1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In
December of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus.
It was the first space probe to reach the vicinity of
another planet.
1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first
bombings from U.S. warplanes.
1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria.
The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sunk in 1956
in the waters off of Massachusetts.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first
civilian to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher
that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died
in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986.
1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day
mission in which three satellites were launched and another
was repaired and redeployed.
1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was
launched. A British communications satellite was onboard.
1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36
Iraqi diplomats.
1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its
independence.
1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that
would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants.
1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to
earn more than $600 million.
1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir
departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced
to abandon Mir for financial reasons.
2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B
"Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported
that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot
down."
2001 Work began on the future site of a World War II
memorial on the U.S. capital's historic National Mall. The
site is between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln
Memorial.
2018 smiled.
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Sunday, August 26, 2018, 08:00 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 26
Yesterday's smoke map:
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
>From Marlene
Dear Webby,
I used to spend hours every day hunting for decent pictures
to use in my newsletter. Some were OK, but a lot of time
people bitched. Then a friend told me to just steal them
from you. So I did. No more complaints, and a lot of time
saved.
Thank you very much!
Marlene
Today's Bonehead Award:
Dad severely beat baby daughter for
falling while learning to walk
______________________________________________________
Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under
Julius Caesar.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
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please donate what you can! |
|
You don't have to suffer to be a poet;
adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
--- John Ciardi (1916 1986)
What you do speaks so loud that I cannot hear what you say.
--- Ralph Waldo Emerson
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Mia
I put a roast in the oven one noon hour and set the timer,
a feature I hadn't used yet. Before leaving work that
afternoon, I phoned my 14-year-old son to ask him to check
the roast and peel some potatoes.
Minutes later he called back. "Mom, the roast isn't cooked.
The oven didn't come on."
The roast was on the menu again the following day, but this
time, since I stopped by the house after a business lunch,
I decided to turn the oven on myself. Again before leaving
work, I called my son to check the roast and get the
potatoes started.
Again he called me back. "The roast still isn't cooked."
"Listen," I said. "I know the oven's on. I turned it on
before I left. I didn't use the timer."
"Oh, the stove's working fine," he told me. "It's just that
the roast is still in the refrigerator."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
My friend Bev and her husband were reshingling their roof.
As soon as they started, they realized they needed more
supplies, so Bev grabbed the checkbook, jumped into her
car, and drove the 45 miles to the nearest lumberyard.
After gathering the items she needed, Bev went up to the
cashier and wrote a check. "I really need to see a photo
ID," the clerk said.
"I don't have one on me," Bev replied.
The cashier called over the manager, who examined the
check. Then the manager looked up and asked Bev, "Who is
the Avon lady in your town?"
Puzzled, Bev responded, "Maxine Thompson."
"Take her check," the smiling manager said to the cashier.
"Maxine is my grandmother."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Anthony Williams, 27,
El Paso,
Texas
Dad severely beat baby daughter for
falling while learning to walk
A Texas dad is behind bars after police say he severely
beat his baby girl, leaving her with life-threatening
injuries.
According to KFOX-TV, Anthony Williams, 27, of El Paso, was
arrested Friday and charged with injury to a child after
police received a report of possible family violence. When
officers arrived, they found Williams' 1-year-old daughter
unresponsive and critically injured, police said. She was
taken to a nearby hospital.
Investigators believe that "Williams struck the victim
several times after she kept falling while he was
'teaching' her to walk," El Paso police said in a news
release Monday.
He is being held on a $750,000 bond at the El Paso County
Detention Facility, the release said.
From Amanda
Re: Wash Keyboard
Dear Webby,
I spilled soup onto my keyboard. It is only a few months
old, and I don't want to replace it just yet. How do I
clean it?
Amanda
Dear Amanda
Just rinse it off in the shower, then let it drip-dry with
the key side down. Modern keyboards can handle that quite
OK.
They are not as fast as the keyboards of the 70's and 80s
and early 90s, but they are washable. Some people have even
put them into a dishwasher and they survived.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On my first day in basic training, we were lined up in a
row, each of us in turn having to shout our last names.
After the guy next to me had yelled, "Florence," it was my
turn.
I had no sooner called out my name when the training
instructor was in my face, demanding to know if I was some
kind of smart aleck.
Satisfied that I wasn't, the red-faced TI told me never
to stand next to that guy again.
--- By Charles W. Nightingale
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Two snooty women were sitting in the living room, waiting
for their hostess, who was slightly delayed in another
room.
The daughter of the family was with the two women, on the
theory that she would keep the visitors occupied during the
wait.
The child was about six years old. She was snub nosed,
spotted with splotchy freckles, buck toothed, and
bespectacled. She maintained a deep silence and the two
ladies peered doubtfully at her.
Finally, one of the women muttered to the other, "She's not
very p - r - e - t - t - y, is she?"
Whereupon the child piped up, "Maybe not, but I'm quite
s - m - a - r - t and I can s - p - e - l - l."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Get Rid of Monthly Storage Fees
Sort through your storage unit and keep what you want, but
sell or give the rest to the needy. Get out of paying those
monthly storage fees! That's money wasted that you could
have invested or used for vacation. A storage locker for 5
years at $75 a month would cost $4,500!
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Mesa Verdes cliffs where some of the oldest buildings in North America are.
|
___________________________________________________
A sad-faced Todd walked into a flower shop early one
morning.
The clerk was ready to take his order for a funeral piece,
based on the look on Todd's face, but soon realized his
assumption was wrong as Todd asked for a basket of
flowers sent to his wife for their anniversary.
"And what day will that be?" the clerk asked.
Glumly he replied, "Yesterday."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A guy walked into his friend's office, he found him sitting
at his desk, looking very depressed. "Hey, what's up with
you?", he asks.
"Oh, its my wife," replied the man sadly. "She's hired a
new secretary for me."
"Well, nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or
a redhead ?"
"Neither. Her grandfather is bald."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 26 in
55 B.C. Britain was invaded by Roman forces under Julius
Caesar.
1498 Michelangelo was commissioned to make the "Pieta."
1842 The first fiscal year was established by the U.S.
Congress to start on July 1st.
1847 Liberia was proclaimed as an independent republic.
1873 The school board of St. Louis, MO, authorized the
first U.S. public kindergarten.
1896 In the Philippines an insurrection began against the
Spanish government.
1920 The 19th amendment to the U.S. Constitution went into
effect. The amendment prohibited discrimination on the
basis of sex in the voting booth.
1934 Adolf Hitler demanded that France return the Saar
region to Germany. It had been taken by France after WWI
1937 All Chinese shipping was blockaded by Japan. Some
historians claim that was the real start of WWII.
1939 The first televised major league baseball games were
shown. The event was a double-header between the Cincinnati
Reds and the Brooklyn Dodgers.
1945 The Japanese were given surrender instructions on the
U.S. battleship Missouri at the end of World War II.
1957 It was announced that an intercontinental ballistic
missile was successfully tested by the Soviet Union.
1957 The first Edsel made by the Ford Motor Company rolled
of the assembly line.
1961 The International Hockey Hall of Fame in Toronto
opened.
1978 Sigmund Jahn blasted off aboard the Russian Soyuz 31
and became the first German in space.
1981 The U.S. claimed that North Korea fired an
antiaircraft missile at a U.S. Surveillance plane while it
was over South Korea.
1987 The Fuller Brush Company announced plans to open two
retail stores in Dallas, TX. The company that had sold its
products door to door for 81 years.
1990 The 55 Americans at the U.S. Embassy in Kuwait left
Baghdad by car and headed for the Turkish border.
1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev promised that
national elections would be held.
1992 A "no-fly zone" was imposed on the southern 1/3 of
Iraq. The move by the U.S., France and Britain was aimed at
protecting Iraqi Shiite Muslims.
1998 The U.S. government announced that they were
investigating Microsoft in an attempt to discover if they
"bullied" Intel into delaying new technology.
2018 smiled.
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Rechargeable battery for wireless mouse?
Saturday, August 25, 2018, 07:58 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 25
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
San Francisco: To improve their crappy image,
San Francisco Public Works has a $72.5 million-a-year
street cleaning budget — including spending $12 million a
year on what essentially have become housekeeping services
for homeless encampments.
The costs include $2.8 million for a Hot Spots crew to wash
down the camps and remove any biohazards, $2.3 million for
street steam cleaners, $3.1 million for the Pit Stop
portable toilets, plus the new $830,977-a-year Poop Patrol
to actively hunt down and clean up human waste.
By the way, the poop patrolers earn $71,760 a year, which
swells to $184,678 with mandated benefits.
Why does San Francisco have such a crappy image?
As a Sanctuary City they attract a lot of illegals who
believe because they are illegal, they can't be put in jail
or deported. They don't really want to work, otherwise they
would move to a rural town, where there is zero
unemployment. And why should they?
Life is good. Camp on a sidewalk or under an overpass, free
food at any Salvation Army soup kitchen, dope is cheap and
hookers accept dope as payment.
For sport and to protest that there is no WiFi on your
favorite sidewalk, you crap onto a sidewalk or parking lot,
where they do have WiFi.
Except for the $184,678 / year poop patrollers, nobody
expects to see any change.
I wonder if I have to be an Illegal and registered Democrat
to be able to get that job?
>From Kate
I love the way you deal with tele@#$%S, especially your
"Yellow", when they are fishing for your name!
You sure got their number!
I have been using your suggestion from a few years ago to
instantly hang up if it is a robo-call waiting for me to
hit a number. Saves a lot of time!
Thanks!
Kate
Today's Bonehead Award:
St. Augustine man returns home to find
clothes ablaze; girlfriend arrested
______________________________________________________
Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
You don't have to suffer to be a poet;
adolescence is enough suffering for anyone.
--- John Ciardi (1916 - 1986)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From James
 Gee, I always wondered about this...
--- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors
can't see you…it's rural.
--- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors
call the cops on you…it's suburban.
--- If you stand naked on the front porch and the neighbors
ignore you…it's urban.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket
as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name
on it?" the jeweler asked.
The young man thought for a moment, and said, "No, just
engrave the words - To My One And Only Love - Forever!
That way, if we break up, I can use it again."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Sharon McGrath, 36,
St Augustine Beach,
Florida
St. Augustine man returns home to find
clothes ablaze; girlfriend got arrested
A St. Johns County man called police after his girlfriend
would not let him back into the house Wednesday, according
to a St. Augustine Beach Police report.
Officers arrested Sharon McGrath, 36, for criminal
mischief. She is suspected of torching her boyfriend's
clothes by stuffing them into a barrel and lighting them on
fire, police said.
The officer stated in the report that McGrath repeatedly
said she would do "anything" if the officer would stop the
patrol car in an effort to avoid going to jail. Aside from
attempted bribe, that is the equivalent of admitting guilt.
The report said that officers responded to the call off
11th Street just before 6:30 a.m. Wednesday. Police said in
the report they could see smoke from behind the house as
they arrived.
The man told the officers that the shelf where all his
clothes were supposed to be was empty. An officer asked to
go to the backyard to see what was causing all the smoke,
and that's when the barrel with the burned clothes was
discovered, the report said.
The man said the value of his missing clothes was around
$2,000.
From Paddy
Re: Rechargeable Batteries
Dear Webby,
Is it safe to use rechargeable batteries in a
wireless mouse?
Paddy
Dear Paddy
Yes, perfectly safe. When the voltage falls below safe
levels, Windows will tell you it's time to change the
batteries.
I have used rechargeable batteries in my mouse for
a long time and never had a problem with it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Mrs. Spiegelbaum was called to serve for jury duty, but
asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital
punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent
the trial from running its proper course.
But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried
to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the
jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against
her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had
promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Spiegel, "I'll serve.
I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after
all."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in
basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon
the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Drying Wet Shoes
Don't put wet shoes near a heat source, this can shrink
your shoes. You want to dry shoes at room temperature.
Fill the shoes with newspaper or cloth to absorb the
moisture in the inside. Change the newspaper or cloth and
replace with dry every few hours until dry.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
|
___________________________________________________
Mary was almost crazy with her three young kids. She
complained to her best friend Judy: "They're driving me
nuts! They give me no rest! I'm half way to the funny
farm!"
"What you need," said Judy, "is a playpen."
So Mary bought a playpen. A few days later, Judy called to
ask how things were going.
"Superb! I can't believe it," Mary said. "I get in that pen
with my laptop, a coffee and a chocolate bar, and the kids
don't bother me for hours!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
It was very crowded at the supermarket, and this customer
had a large order. As the harried-looking clerk lifted the
final bag for her, its bottom gave way, sending the ontents
crashing to the floor.
"They just don't make these bags like they used to," the
clerkblurted to the customer. "That was supposed to happen
in your driveway!"
____________________________________________________
Today, August 25 in
1718 Hundreds of colonists from France arrived in
Louisiana. Some settled in present-day New Orleans.
1814 The U.S. Library of Congress was destroyed by British
forces.
1825 Uruguay declared independence from Brazil.
1840 Joseph Gibbons received a patent for the seeding
machine.
1875 Captain Matthew Webb swam from Dover, England, to
Calais, France making him the first person to swim the
English Channel. The feat took about 22 hours.
1920 The first airplane to fly from New York to Alaska
arrived in Nome.
1921 The U.S. signed a peace treaty with Germany.
1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" opened around the United
States.
1940 Arno Rudolphi and Ann Hayward were married while
suspended in parachutes at the World’s Fair in New York
City.
1941 Soviet and British troops invaded Iran. This was in
reaction to the Shah's refusal to reduce the number of
German residents.
1941 Allied forces invaded Iran. Within four days the
Soviet Union and England controlled Iran.
1941 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt signed the bill
appropriating funds for construction of the Pentagon.
1944 Paris, France, was liberated by Allied forces ending
four years of German occupation.
1944 Romania declared war on Germany.
1950 U.S. President Truman ordered the seizure of U.S.
railroads to avert a strike.
1972 In Great Britain, computerized axial tomography (CAT
scan) was introduced.
1978 The Turin shroud believed to be the burial cloth of
Jesus Christ went on display for the first time in 45
years.
1981 The U.S. Voyager 2 sent back pictures and data about
Saturn. The craft came within 63,000 miles of the planet.
1983 The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a $10 billion
grain pact.
1987 Saudi Arabia denounced the "group of terrorists" that
ran the Iranian government.
1988 Iran and Iraq began talks in Geneva after ending their
eight years of war.
1990 Military action was authorized by the United Nations
to enforce the trade embargo that had been placed on Iraq
after their invasion of Kuwait.
1991 Byelorussia declared independence from the Soviet
Union.
1992 It was reported by researchers that cigarette smoking
significantly increased the risk of developing cataracts.
1995 Harry Wu, human rights activist, returned to the
United States. He said the spying case against him in China
was "all lies."
1997 The tobacco industry agreed to an $11.3 billion
settlement with the state of Florida.
1998 A survey released said that 1/3 of Americans use the
Internet.
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Friday, August 24, 2018, 07:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 24
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Some tele@#$% called today, with the call display claiming
"Private Caller". Well, I do have some not very bright
acquaintances, who forge "Private Caller", and even my
doctor's receptionist falls into that category.
Caller: Hello?
Me: Yellow
Caller: Hello?
Me: Yellow
Caller: This is the (gobbledigook) bank cal
Me: I don't deal with that bank
Caller: We got a check here for you
Me: Put it into my account or else stuff it where the sun
don't shine. KLICK!
I really don't have time for those idjits.
Real banks don't call me if they have a check from or for
me, and besides, they have my email address. Also, banks
don't fake "Private Caller".
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Woman run over by train after stranger
pushed mother onto tracks
______________________________________________________
Today, August 24 in
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The greatest mistake is trying to be more agreeable than
you can be.
--- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877)
Let's have some new cliches.
--- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Dave took Mary out for a romantic dinner where conversation
turned to the subject of marriage. Dave had been saving
for an engagement ring, but he was in graduate school and
in dire need of a new computer.
Mary was understanding, telling Dave they had the rest of
their lives to get engaged, so he should use his savings to
buy a computer instead. During dessert, Dave suddenly
reached into his pocket and pulled out an engagement ring.
Mary was stunned, but after she collected herself, she
looked up and prompted, "Well, don't you have something to
ask me?"
Dave then got down on bended knee. "Honey," he said, "will
you buy me a new computer?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
>From Francisca
Waiting for our aerobics class to begin, several of us were
standing around in our leotards chatting about fitness and
diets. One woman said that her brother-in-law had quit
smoking, gone on a diet and lost weight all at the same
time.
Thinking to myself that no human being could possibly do
this without acquiring at least one other undesirable habit
for compensation, I jokingly asked her, "What did he start
doing instead of these things?"
After a slight pause, she smiled and said, "Well, my sister
is pregnant now."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Christopher Brooklin, 28,
Atlanta,
Woman run over by train after stranger
pushed mother onto tracks
A Milwaukee woman was run over by a train in Atlanta, after
investigators say a stranger pushed the woman's mother onto
the tracks as the train approached. Katie Wenszell jumped
onto the tracks to save her mother's life. The 28-year-old
is now fighting for her own life.
Wenszell and four of her sisters were in Atlanta with their
mother for a girl's trip when the unthinkable happened. It
was supposed to be a memorable trip, but the memories made
weren't what the family ever expected.
"It's been up and down," said Jerry Wenszell, Katie's
father.
Jerry Wenszell was at home in Wisconsin when it happened.
He got a call on Sunday, Aug. 19.
"She said 'Mom and Katie have been involved in a train
accident.' That's just not a normal statement. That just
isn't," said Wenszell.
The women were at Atlanta's Midtown MARTA station when
investigators say Christopher Brooklin, 28, pushed Susan
Wenszell onto the tracks.
"Katie seeing this, as an oncoming train is coming, jumped
down to move Sue off the tracks," said Jerry Wenszell.
The train went over Katie and Susan Wenszell, and Katie was
wearing a backpack.
"She was caught and beaten between the railroad tracks and
the undercarriage of the vehicle," said Jerry Wenszell.
She was dragged and critically injured, while her mother
was OK. She's fighting for her life at an Atlanta hospital,
in a medically-induced coma, with broken bones in her face
and a severely injured shoulder. Additionally, part of her
foot had to be amputated.
Her father called her a hero.
"Had she not done that, my wife would be coming home in a
funeral box," said Jerry Wenszell.
Brooklin was arrested and charged with aggravated assault
and battery.
Jerry Wenszell said he plans to head to Atlanta Thursday,
Aug. 23 to be with his daughter.
Meanwhile, a GoFundMe.com account has been set up to help
pay medical expenses.
From Beth
Re: Slow mail
Dear Webby,
My mail program is getting slower by the day, it seems.
How do I fix that?
Beth
Dear Beth
First clean out your IN mailbox. It should only have
today's unread mail in it. (If you tell me I should do what
I preach, you can get your own coffee!)
While that may not be practical or possible, consider it
a goal to strive towards. Move mail immediately, after
glancing at it, to mailboxes that you name as:
Urgent
Soon
Rainy-day
Tips
Ideas
Friends
Family
Recipes
Second, shorten your spam blacklist, or dump it.
Spammers nowadays just forge their sending addresses
anyway and never use the same one twice, so why bother
with a huge blacklist? Just set the blacklist ot "age off"
in 2 days.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
On a wall in a men's room: "My wife follows me everywhere"
Written just below it: "I do not"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A lawyer was well into a lengthy cross-examination of a
witness, stopped and said: "Your honor, a juror is asleep."
The Judge ruled: "You put him to sleep; YOU wake him up."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks
"Dear Dad," read the young soldier's first letter home.
"I cannot tell you where I am, but yesterday I shot a
polar bear."
Several months later came another letter:
"Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but
yesterday I danced with a hula girl."
Two weeks later came yet another note:
"Dear Dad, I still cannot tell you where I am, but
yesterday the doctor told me I should have danced with the
polar bear and shot the hula girl."
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Vaseline jar mystery menacing Calgary.
|
___________________________________________________
An American attorney had just finished a guest lecture at a
law school in Italy when an Italian lawyer approached him
and asked, "Is it true that a person can fall down on a
sidewalk in your country and then sue the landowners for
lots of money?"
Told that it was true, the lawyer turned to his partner and
started speaking rapidly in Italian. When they stopped, the
American attorney asked if they wanted to go to America to
practice law.
"No, no," one replied. "We want to go to America and fall
down on sidewalks."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A woman rushed into the supermarket to pick up a few items.
She headed for the express line where the clerk was
talking on the phone with his back turned to her.
"Excuse me," she said, "I'm in a hurry. Could you check me
out, please?"
The clerk turned, looked her up and down, and smiled, "Not
bad. Quite cute, actually! But this till won't work until I
talk the manager into rebooting the computer."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 24 in
0079 Mount Vesuvius erupted killing approximately 20,000
people. The cities of Pompeii, Stabiae and Herculaneum were
buried in volcanic ash.
0410 The Visigoths overran Rome. This event symbolized the
fall of the Western Roman Empire.
1456 The printing of the Gutenberg Bible was completed.
1572 The Catholics began their slaughter of the French
Protestants in Paris. The killings claimed about 70,000
people.
1814 Washington, DC was invaded by British forces that set
fire to the White House and Capitol.
1869 A patent for the waffle iron was received by Cornelius
Swarthout.
1891 Thomas Edison applied for patents for the kinetoscope
and kinetograph (U.S. Pats. 493,426 and 589,168).
1912 A four-pound limit was set for parcels sent through
the U.S. Post Office mail system.
1932 Amelia Earhart became the first woman to fly across
the U.S. non-stop. The trip from Los Angeles, CA to Newark,
NJ, took about 19 hours.
1949 The North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO) went
into effect. The agreement was that an attack against one
of the parties would be considered "an attack against them
all."
1954 The Communist Party was virtually outlawed in the U.S.
when the Communist Control Act went into effect.
1959 Three days after Hawaiian statehood, Hiram L. Fong was
sworn in as the first Chinese-American U.S. senator while
Daniel K. Inouye was sworn in as the first Japanese-
American U.S. representative.
1963 John Pennel pole-vaulted 17 feet and 3/4 inches
becoming the first to break the 17-foot barrier.
1968 France became the 5th thermonuclear power when they
exploded a hydrogen bomb in the South Pacific.
1985 27 anti-apartheid leaders were arrested in South
Africa as racial violence rocked the country.
1986 Frontier Airlines shut down. Thousands of people were
left stranded.
1989 Pete Rose, the manager of the Cincinnati Reds, was
banned from baseball for life after being accused of
gambling on baseball.
1989 "Total war" was declared by Columbian drug lords on
their government.
1989 The U.S. space probe Voyager 2, sent back photographs
of Neptune.
1990 Iraqi troops surrounded foreign missions in Kuwait.
1991 Russian President Mikhail Gorbachev resigned as the
head of the Communist Party.
1992 China and South Korea established diplomatic
relations.
1998 U.S. officials cited a soil sample as part of the
evidence that a Sudan plant was producing precursors to the
VX nerve gas. And, therefore made it a target for U.S.
missiles on August 20, 1998.
1998 A donation of 24 beads was made, from three parties,
to the Indian Museum of North America at the Crazy Horse
Memorial. The beads are said to be those that were used in
1626 to buy Manhattan from the Indians.
2001 In McAllen, TX, Bridgestone/Firestone agreed to settle
out of court and pay a reported $7.5 million to a family in
a rollover accident in their Ford Explorer.
2001 The remains of nine American servicemen killed in the
Korean War were returned to the U.S. The bodies were found
about 60 miles north of Pyongyang. It was estimated that it
would be a year before the identies of the soldiers would
be known.
2001 U.S. District Judge Colleen Kollar-Kotelly was
randomly picked to take over the Microsoft monopoly case.
The judge was to decide how Microsoft should be punished
for illegally trying to squelch its competitors.
2001 NASA announced that operation of the Upper Atmosphere
Research Satellite would end by September 30th due to
budget restrictions. Though the satellite is best known for
monitoring a hole in the ozone layer over Antarctica, it
was designed to provide information about the upper
atmosphere by measuring its winds, temperatures, chemistry
and energy received from the sun.
2006 The planet Pluto was reclassified as a "dwarf planet"
by the International Astronomical Union (IAU). Pluto's
status was changed due to the IAU's new rules for an object
qualifying as a planet. Pluto met two of the three rules
because it orbits the sun and is large enough to assume a
nearly round shape. However, since Pluto has an oblong
orbit and overlaps the orbit of Neptune it disqualified
Pluto as a planet.
2018 smiled.
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AOL Subscription problems
Thursday, August 23, 2018, 01:59 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 23
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts each
of sex with animals
______________________________________________________
Today, August 23 in
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It's the transition
that's troublesome.
--- Isaac Asimov (1920 - 1992)
Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862)
Human history becomes more and more a race between
education and catastrophe.
--- H. G. Wells (1866 - 1946)
History is the version of past events
that people have decided to agree upon.
--- Napoleon Bonaparte
History is the version of past events
that the winners have decided to agree upon.
--- Dwight D Eisenhower
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The elderly pastor was searching his closet for his collar
before church one Sunday morning. In the back of the
closet, he found a small box containing 3 eggs and 1200 $1
bills. He called his wife into the closet
to ask her about the box and its contents. Embarrassed, she
admitted having hidden the box for their entire 25 years of
marriage. Disappointed and hurt, the pastor asked her,
"WHY?"
The wife replied that she hadn't wanted to hurt his
feelings. He asked her how the box could have hurt his
feelings. She said that every time during their marriage
that he delivered a poor sermon, she had placed an egg in
the box. The pastor felt that 3 poor sermons in 25 years
was certainly nothing to feel bad about, so he asked her
what the $1200 was
for.
She replied, "Each time I got a dozen eggs, I sold them to
the neighbors for $1.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot
and love him little.
To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and
not try to understand her at all.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Terry Wallace, 41;
Marc Measnikoff, 34;
and Matthew Brubaker, 32;
Clearfield County,
Pennsylvania
Pennsylvania men face 1,460 counts
of sex with animals
Three Pennsylvania men face a slew of charges that
includes more than 1,400 counts of having sex with animals.
Terry Wallace, 41; Marc Measnikoff, 34; and Matthew
Brubaker, 32; are all facing 1,460 counts of sexual
intercourse with animals, according to the Clearfield
District Attorney's Office. The three have also been
charged with animal cruelty, endangering the welfare of
children and corruption of minors.
State police said in an affidavit that they received
information from a 16-year-old boy living at the residence
where the three men were allegedly having sex with animals,
including dogs, horses, a cow, and goat. The juvenile was
able to describe a specially designed "V" shaped pen that
was used to facilitate the sexual contact, prosecutors
allege.
In the early morning hours of August 18, state police
served a search warrant on the property, and took the three
men into custody.
A search of the property revealed a large amount of
homemade videos, along with recording equipment and
cameras, according to the affidavit. The teen, who police
say was living on the makeshift farm, is now in protective
custody.
District Attorney William Shaw Jr. said in a release Monday
that no evidence suggests that the 16-year-old had been
sexually abused, but the investigation is ongoing "to
determine the extent of mental or physical abuse the
juvenile may have been exposed to."
According to the release, the arrests followed what Shaw
said was one of the most extreme cases of animal abuse that
his office has handled.
Bail has been set at $100,000 for each defendant.
From: Tuck
Re: Not getting subscription
Dear Webby
This is the second week that i'm not getting the Humor
letter. Don't know what's going on, know you are sending
them just not getting them.
Got this one after I replyed last week, but not any since
this one. Whats going on?
Tuck
Dear Tuck
Your subscription is being sent out towards you every day.
Either you or AOL are blocking it.
You will have to talk to AOL support
Or get gmail.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
With the help of a fertility specialist,
a 65 year old woman has a baby. All
her relatives come to visit and meet
the newest member of their family.
When they ask to see the baby, the 65
year old mother says
"not yet."
A little later they ask again to see the baby.
Again the mother says "not yet."
Finally they say, "When can we see the baby?"
And the mother says, "When the baby cries."
They all ask, "Why do we have to wait until the baby
cries?"
The new mother says, "because I forgot where I put it."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A man and a woman are driving down the highway
when another car passes them. The woman notices
that the occupants of the other car are young and
obviously in love. The girl is sitting very close to her
boyfriend as they cruise on down the highway.
This causes the woman to think back when she and
her husband were young and in love, and wondering
where the show of affection had disappeared to
over the years.
Finally she says to her husband, "Remember when
we used to be like that young couple? Where did
the love go, honey?"
Her question was met with a few moments of silence.
Then, after glancing at his gnarled hands on the steering
wheel he quietly replied, "I haven't moved."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Razor Blades in Matchbooks
Empty matchbooks can be used to store razor blades. Just
insert the razor blade into the bottom part of the
matchbook.
The strike plate can even be used to sharpen the blade in a
pinch. Mark the matchbook so you know what's in it.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Origami is a real art form. I never knew you
could fold one sheet of paper in so many different ways!
|
___________________________________________________
A man was wheeling himself frantically down the hall of
the hospital in his wheelchair, just before his operation.
A nurse stopped him and asked, "What's the matter?"
He said, "I heard the nurse say, 'It's a very simple
operation, don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'"
"She was just trying to comfort you, what's so frightening
about that?"
"She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Friend: "I suppose you carry a memento of some sort in that
locket of yours?"
Woman: "Yes, it's a lock of my husband's hair."
Friend: "But your husband is still alive."
Woman: "I know, but his hair is gone."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 23 in
1838 The first class graduated from Mount Holyoke Female
Seminary in South Hadley, MA. It was one of the first
colleges for women.
1839 Hong Kong was taken by the British in a war with
China.
1858 "Ten Nights in a Barroom" opened in New York City at
the National Theater. It was a melodrama about the evils of
drinking.
1892 The printed streetcar transfer was patented by John H.
Stedman.
1902 Fannie Merrit Farmer opened her cooking school, Miss
Farmer’s School of Cookery, in Boston, MA.
1904 Hard D. Weed patented the grip-tread tire chain for
cars.
1914 Tsingtao, China, was bombarded as Japan declared war
on Germany in World War I.
1939 Nazi Germany and the Soviet Union signed a non-
aggression treaty.
1944 During World War II, Romanian prime minister Ion
Antonescue was dismissed. Soon after the country would
abandon the Axis and flip to the Allies.
1944 Marseilles was captured by Allied troops during World
War II.
1952 The security pact of the Arab League went into effect.
1959 In the Peanuts comic strip, Sally debuted as an
infant.
1962 The first live TV program was relayed between the U.S.
and Europe through the U.S. Telstar satellite.
1979 Soviet dancer Alexander Godunov defected while the
Bolshoi Ballet was on tour in New York City.
1982 The parliament of Lebanon elected Bashir Bemayel
president. He was assassinated three weeks later.
1987 Robert Jarvik and Marilyn Mach vos Savant were
married. The event was called the "Union of Great Minds"
since Savant had an IQ of 228 and Jarvik was the inventor
of the artificial heart.
1990 President Saddam Hussein appeared on Iraqi state
television with a group of Western detainees that he
referred to as "guests." He told the group that they were
being held "to prevent the scourge of war."
1993 It was confirmed by Los Angeles police that Michael
Jackson was the subject of a criminal investigation.
1996 U.S. President Clinton imposed limits on peddling
cigarettes to children.
1998 Boris Yeltsin dismissed the Russian government again.
1999 Rescuers in Turkey found a young boy that had been
buried in rubble from an earthquake for about a week.
1999 Robert Bogucki was rescued after getting lost in the
Great Sandy Desert of Australia on July 11. During the 43
day ordeal Bogucki lost 44 pounds.
2000 Richard Hatch was revealed as the winning castaway on
CBS' "Survivor." Hatch won $1,000,000 for his stay on the
island of Pulau Tida in the South China Sea.
2018 smiled.
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Wednesday, August 22, 2018, 09:38 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 22
Interesting how the fires know!
600 + Fires out of control in Socialist BC,
2 out of control in Free Enterprise Alberta.
The green dots are fires, that are contained and
controlled, yellow are fires in the rocks that
can't go anywhere and will fizzle on their own.
Gray is smokey area.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Voyeurism charges following incident
involving 12-year-old girl
______________________________________________________
Today, August 22 in
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to
William Sheppard.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
It's never just a game when you're winning.
--- George Carlin (1937 - 2008)
Anyone who can handle a needle convincingly can make us
see a thread which is not there.
--- E. H. Gombrich (1909 - )
Time you enjoyed wasting, was not wasted.
--- John Lennon 1940-1980
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>From Ed
My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an
appointment.
She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was
getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my
cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!"
I replied, "Aren't you talking on it!?"
There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality
of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going
to tell anybody about this!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
After being away on business, Tim thought it would be nice
to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume?"
he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle
costing $50.00.
"That's a bit much," said Tim, so she returned with a
smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still quite a bit,"
Tim complained.
Growing annoyed, the clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 bottle.
"What I mean," said Tim, "is I'd like to see something
really cheap."
The clerk handed him a mirror.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jorge Leon-Alfaro,
36,
Salt Lake City,
Utah
Voyeurism charges following incident
involving 12-year-old girl
Salt Lake City police arrested 36-year-old Jorge Leon-
Alfaro after witnesses said he tried to record the girl
from an adjacent dressing room stall inside the Rue 21
store at Brickyard Plaza on Saturday, according to KSTU.
The girl's mother tracked the man down and recorded her
comments toward him as she waited for police to arrive.
“This right here is what a predator looks like,” says the
woman in the video. “I caught this guy underneath my
daughter's stall while she was changing at Rue 21.”
The emotional video uploaded to Facebook has been viewed
more than four million times.
“Not today, buddy. Not today” says the woman in the video.
“I'm going to make sure your face gets out, so that you're
not in any more stalls, looking under little girls
dressing.”
Salt Lake City police say they had witness statements and
enough evidence to make an arrest.
“People are aware of what's going on and paying attention,”
said Detective Greg Wilking of the Salt Lake City Police
Department. “Other people were paying attention, too and
saw similar things that concerned them and that led to his
arrest.”
Leon-Alfaro faces felony charges of voyeurism of a child
under 14.
“I’m going to be at every, single court date,” says the
woman in the video.
From: Frank
Re: IE reverting to wrong font size
Dear Webby
Why do you state to 'stack upside down'?
Secondly,
Every time I open MS Internet Explorer I must
change the text size from small to medium. How
do I save the medium text setting to preclude
changing it daily.
Thank you
Frank
1) The smarter coolers are a bit wider at the open end, so
that you can stack them inside each other. Especially for
desert or water trips, where you want to keep the dust or
the water out of your stuff, coolers are very handy
suitcases.
Before you know it, you have accumulated a big pile of
them.
If you stack them upside down in the off-season, dew and
dust won't accumulate in them.
2) IE will take whatever font size the program used before
it had been using, or the last program before it that had a
font change setter built in.
Just change the overall font size through Desktop,
Properties, Appearance, Settings, Advanced, DPI settings.
Experiment to find the ideal font size for your eyes and
monitor distance, without having to change the IE setting.
Chances are that the program, which had been leaving it's
font settings for IE to trip over, will now appear to have
larger fonts, but they will be easier to cope with than too
small fonts in IE.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier
staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came
to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited
for change.
"Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned
the proper amount. "Have a great day!"
Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $32.79,
and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.
"I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a
fifty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store
policy.
"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I
reasoned.
"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
You admit having broken into the dress shop four times?"
asked the judge.
"Yes," answered the suspect.
"And what did you steal?"
"A dress, Your Honor," replied the subject.
"One dress?" echoed the judge. "But you admit breaking
in four times!"
"Yes, Your Honor," sighed the suspect. "The first three
times my wife didn't like the color."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Eliminate Food Waste
Make sure to freeze leftovers if you don't think you will
be able to eat them soon. Don't buy more dairy, fruits or
vegetables than you can eat before they go bad.
When you buy meat, always have a plan for it. Return
foods to the grocery store that spoil before their
expiration date.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
|
___________________________________________________
One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He
stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs,
and then threw away his crutches.
An alter boy witnessed the scene and ran into the
rectory to tell the priest what he'd just seen.
"Son, you've just witnessed a miracle," the priest said.
"Tell me where is this man now?"
"Flat on his face over by the holy water," said the boy.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A Texan, a Russian, and a New Yorker are sitting in a
restaurant in London. The waiter says, "Excuse me, but the
steak on the menu is not available, as there's a shortage."
The Texan asks, "What's a shortage?"
The Russian asks, "What's a steak?"
The New Yorker asks,
"What the bloody hell does 'excuse me' mean?"
____________________________________________________
Today, August 22 in
1485 The War of the Roses ended with the death of England's
King Richard III. He was killed in the Battle of Bosworth
Field. His successor was Henry V II.
1567 The "Council of Blood" was established by the Duke of
Alba. This was the beginning of his reign of terror in the
Netherlands.
1642 The English Civil War began when Charles I called
Parliament and its soldiers traitors.
1770 Australia was claimed under the British crown when
Captain James Cook landed there.
1775 The American colonies were proclaimed to be in a state
of open rebellion by England's King George III.
1846 The U.S. annexed New Mexico.
1851 The schooner America outraced the Aurora off the
English coast to win a trophy that became known as the
America's Cup.
1865 A patent for liquid soap was issued to William
Sheppard.
1902 In Hartford, CT, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt
became the first president of the United States to ride in
an automobile.
1906 The Victor Talking Machine Company of Camden, NJ began
to manufacture the Victrola. The hand-cranked unit, with
horn cabinet, sold for $200.
1910 Japan formally annexed Korea.
1911 It was announced that Leonardo da Vinci's "Mona Lisa"
had been stolen from the Louvre Museum in Paris. The
painting reappeared two years later in Italy.
1932 The BBC (British Broadcasting Corporation) began its
first TV broadcast in England.
1941 Nazi troops reached the outskirts of Leningrad during
World War II.
1951 75,052 people watched the Harlem Globetrotters
perform. It was the largest crowd to see a basketball game.
1959 Stephen Rockefeller married Anne Marie Rasmussen. Anne
had once been a maid for the powerful and wealthy
Rockefeller family.
1972 Due to its racial policies, Rhodesia was asked to
withdraw from the 20th Olympic Summer Games.
1973 Henry Kissinger was named Secretary of State by U.S.
President Nixon. Kissinger won the Nobel Peace Prize in the
same year.
1984 The last Volkswagen Rabbit rolled off the assembly
line in New Stanton, PA.
1986 Kerr-McGee Corp. agreed to pay the estate of the late
Karen Silkwood $1.38 million to settle a 10-year-old
nuclear contamination lawsuit.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed an order for
calling reservists to aid in the build up of troops in the
Persian Gulf.
1990 The U.S. State Department announced that the U.S.
Embassy in Kuwait would not be closed under President
Saddam Hussein's demand.
1990 Angry smokers blocked a street in Moscow to protest
the summer-long cigarette shortage.
1991 It was announced by Yugoslavia that a truce ordered on
August 7th with Croatia had collapsed.
1991 Mikhail S. Gorbachev returned to Moscow after the
collapse of the hard-liners' coup. On the same day he
purged the men that had tried to oust him.
1992 In Rostock, Germany, neo-Nazi violence broke out
against foreigners.
1996 U.S. President Clinton signed legislation that ended
guaranteed cash payments to the poor and demanded work from
recipients.
2018 smiled.
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Accelerated Dial-Up vs DSL
Tuesday, August 21, 2018, 08:53 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 21
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Nassau County man, 39, batters
78-year-old girlfriend
______________________________________________________
Today, August 21 in
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Perpetual devotion to what a man calls his business, is
only to be sustained by perpetual neglect of many other
things.
--- Robert Louis Stevenson (1850 - 1894)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
There are doctors and there are doctors. That's a lesson a
young woman at a barbecue learns when she introduces
herself to another guest.
She had heard him addressed as 'doctor,' so she says,
"Doctor, may I ask a question?"
"Certainly," he says.
"Well, I have been having a funny pain right here, above
the heart."
The guest interrupts her, "I'm terribly sorry, but the
truth is, I'm a doctor of philosophy."
"Oh," says the young woman, "I'm sorry."
Embarrassed, she turns away, but curiosity gets the better
of her. "Just one more question, Doctor," she says.
"What kind of disease is philosophy?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A young fellow just out of medical school moves out to
a small community to replace a doctor who is retiring.
The older gent suggests the young one accompany him
on his rounds so the community can become used to
a new doctor.
At the first house a woman complains, "I've been a little
sick to my stomach."
"Well," says the older doctor, "you've probably been
overdoing the fresh fruit. Why not cut back on the amount
you've been eating and see if that does the trick?"
As they leave the younger man says, "You didn't even
examine that woman. How did you come to your diagnosis
so quickly?"
"I didn't have to. You noticed I dropped my stethoscope
on the floor in there? When I bent over to pick it up, I
noticed a half dozen banana peels in the trash. That was
what was probably making her sick."
"Huh," the younger doctor says, "Pretty clever. I'll have
to remember that."
Arriving at the next house, they spend several minutes
talking with a young woman. She complains that she just
doesn't have the energy she once did.
"I'm feeling terribly run down lately," she says.
"You've probably been doing too much work for the church,"
the younger doctor tells her. "Perhaps you should cut back
a bit and see if that helps."
As they leave, the older man says, "Your diagnosis is
almost certainly correct, but how did you arrive at it?"
"Well, just like you at the last house, I dropped my
stethoscope. When I bent down to retrieve it, I noticed the
preacher under the bed."
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
David Mann,
39,
Brycesville,
Florida
Nassau County man, 39, batters
78-year-old girlfriend
A 39-year-old Nassau County man has been jailed after his
arrest for battery on a person over the age of 65.
The Nassau County Sheriff's Office said on a report that
David Mann, who lives with his 78-year-old girlfriend, was
involved in an argument over an unpaid DirecTV bill.
Mann was very angry when services to the Brycesville home
were turned off, the report said.
Mann is accused of throwing his girlfriend down on a bed
and putting his hands around her neck. The victim called
deputies after the incident, the report said.
Deputies discovered ammunition in the home. Mann is a
convicted felon and is not allowed to live in a home with
ammunition, so an additional weapons charge was added, the
report said.
From Lyn
Re: Dial-Up versus DSL
Dear Webby
With these dial-up accelerators available now, is it worth
paying extra for DSL? I read that we can now get this
five times faster dial-up, that is cheaper than DSL but
supposedly almost as fast..
Lyn
Dear Lyn
Yes, some expensive bicycles are almost as fast as a car.
But not quite.
The accelerated dial-ups make long music downloads faster
than regular dial-up, but when it comes to surfing to
places that you have not been to before, or uploading
files, then there is no noticeable difference from regular
dial-up.
If DSL is available in your area, that is your better
choice.
In addition to that, you will save a phone number.
Dial-up and accelerated dial-up need a phone line and
number. DSL doesn't. It just piggybacks as an inaudible
"fuzz" on a regular voice line and does not interfere with
phone and fax on that line. Once you deduct the cost of a
phone line, DSL becomes actually quite cheap.
One thing to keep in mind though: If your DSL ever does
go down, and it CAN happen, though very rarely, get the
kids or anybody who blushes easily, out of the house.
Going from DSL to a temporary dial-up account does tend
to cause a lot of cussing, because on DSL you do get
spoiled quickly.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A little boy comes home from the playground with a bloody
nose, a black eye and torn clothing. It is obvious he was
in a bad fight and he lost.
While his father is patching him up, he asks his son what
happened.
"Well, Dad," says the boy, "I challenged a kid at school to
a duel, and I gave him his choice of weapons."
"Uh-huh," says the father, "that seems fair."
"I know, but I never thought he'd choose his big sister!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
In a small town in the Northeast, there is a rather sizable
factory that hires only married men. Concerned that the
factory might be practicing discrimination, a local woman
calls on the manager and asks him, "Why is it you limit
your employees to married men? Is it because you think
women are weak? Dumb? Cantankerous? What?"
"Not at all, ma'am," the manager replies. "It is because
our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to
being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut
and don't pout when I yell at them."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Storing Camping Coolers
Before storing your coolers between camping trips, wash,
dry completely and fill with crumpled newspapers. This will
eliminate musty odors and mildew. It also works for camper
refrigerators and iceboxes.
If the coolers are properly washed with dish soap or water
with a little bit of bleach, and then dried open in bright
sunlight for a day, they can be stacked upside down in a
shed, garage, camper or boat.
Fridges are best stored with the door open. If the fridge
is big enough for a small kid or pet to crawl in, you are
required by law to remove the door or chain it open.
Newspapers are still a good idea for hiking boots and
fishing boots and waders.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Amazing Images: The Best Science Photos of the Week
|
___________________________________________________
An aged farmer and his wife are leaning against the edge of
their pigpen when the old woman wistfully recalls that the
next week will mark their golden wedding anniversary.
"Let's have a party, Homer," she suggests.
"We can kill a pig."
The farmer scratches his grizzled head.
"Gee," he says, "I don't see why the pig should take the
blame for something that happened 50 years ago."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
The old family doctor still makes house calls. One
afternoon he is called to a house where a housewife is in
terrible pain.
He goes into the bedroom to examine her.
The doctor comes out of the bedroom after only a minute and
asks her husband, "Do you have a hammer?"
The puzzled husband goes to the garage and returns with a
hammer. The doctor thanks him and goes back into the
bedroom.
A minute later, he comes out and asks, "Do you have a
chisel?"
The husband gets him one.
In the next 10 minutes, the doctor asks for and receives a
pair of pliers, a screwdriver and a hacksaw. The last
request gets to the man.
"What are you doing to my wife?"
"Not a thing," replies the doctor. "I can't get my
instrument bag open."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 21 in
1680 The Pueblo Indians drove the Spanish out and took
possession of Santa Fe, NM.
1831 Nat Turner, a former slave, led a violent insurrection
in Virginia. He was later executed.
1841 A patent for venetian blinds was issued to John
Hampton.
1878 The American Bar Association was formed by a group of
lawyers, judges and law professors in Saratoga, NY.
1888 The adding machine was patented by William Burroughs.
1923 In Kalamazoo, Michigan, an ordinance was passed
forbidding dancers from gazing into the eyes of their
partner.
1943 Japan evacuated the Aleutian island of Kiaska. Kiaska
had been the last North American foothold held by the
Japanese.
1945 U.S. President Truman ended the Lend-Lease program
that had shipped about $50 billion in aid to America's
Allies during World War II.
1959 Hawaii became the 50th state. U.S. President
Eisenhower also issued the order for the 50 star flag.
1963 In South Vietnam, martial law was declared. Army
troops and police began to crack down on the Buddhist anti-
government protesters.
1984 Clint Eastwood was given a star on the Hollywood Walk
of Fame.
1989 Voyager 2, a U.S. space probe, got close to the
Neptune moon called Triton.
1991 The hard-line coup against Soviet President Mikhail
Gorbachev ended. The uprising that led to the collapse was
led by Russian federation President Boris Yeltsin.
1993 NASA lost contact with the Mars Observer spacecraft.
The fate of the spacecraft was unknown. The mission cost
$980 million.
1994 Ernesto Zedillo won the Mexican presidential election.
1997 Hudson Foods Inc. closed a plant in Nebraska after it
had recalled 25 million pounds of ground beef that was
potentially contaminated with E. coli 01557:H7. It was the
largest food recall in U.S. history.
1997 Afghanistan suspended its embassy operations in the
United States.
2002 In Pakistan, President General Pervez Musharraf
unilaterally amended the Pakistani constitution. He
extended his term in office and granted himself powers that
included the right to dissolve parliament.
2003 In Ghana, businessman Gyude Bryant was selected to
oversee the two-year power-sharing accord between Liberia's
rebels and the government. The accord was planned to guide
the country out of 14 years of civil war.
2018 smiled.
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Multiple data plug-in units
Monday, August 20, 2018, 07:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 20
Still smokey and cold ash falling. Feels weird, like tiny
drops of rain, that evaporate, before they hit the
sidewalk, and don't leave a dark spot. Reminds me that we
are lucky. We only have smoke and ash, on the other side of
the Rockies they have 600 wild fires, most of them out of
control. I sure feel sorry for those people!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Police arrest man after third
break-in in one week at same daycare
______________________________________________________
Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska.
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
The only thing to do with good advice is pass it on. It is
never any use to oneself.
--- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900)
The stupid neither forgive nor forget; the naive forgive
and forget; the wise forgive but do not forget.
--- Thomas Szasz,
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Steve considers himself fairly strong, but was dismayed
that that he couldn't even lift the 35 pound barbell in the
Sporting Goods area. He tried but just simply couldn't
lift it. So he tried the 15 pound bar. He still couldn't
budge it and looked quite depressed about his own physical
strength.
I have never done any weight lifting, but after spending
many years in the bush and in mines, those silly toys
looked like no problem at all. So I grabbed one and yanked
it up with a good tug, - and knocked the display over.
OOOPS!
That's when we realized they had been epoxied onto the
shelves.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Thanks to María Guadalupe for this story:
Two Mexicans are riding along Pacific Coast Highway on a
motorcycle. They break down and start hitching a lift. A
friendly trucker stops to see if he can help and the
Mexicans ask him for a lift.
He tells them he has no room in as he is carrying 20,000
bowling balls.
The Mexicans put it to the driver that if they can manage
to fit in the back with their bike will he take them and he
agrees. They manage to squeeze themselves and their
motorbike into the back of the trailer, so the driver shuts
the doors and gets on his way. By this time he is really
late and so puts his foot down.
Sure enough the Highway Patrol pulls him over for speeding.
The good officer asks the driver what he is carrying to
which he replies jokingly-- "Mexican eggs".
The policeman obviously doesn't believe this so wants to
take a look. He opens the back door and quickly shuts it
and locks it. He gets on his radio and calls for immediate
backup from as many officers as possible.
The dispatcher asks what emergency he has that requires so
many officers. "I've got a Tractor-trailer here with 20,000
Mexican eggs in it - 2 have hatched and they have already
managed to steal a motorcycle.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Liddell McGrier,
43,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Police arrest man after third
break-in in one week at same daycare
A man is facing charges after officers found him hiding in
the ceiling of a Jacksonville day care.
Taki Starkes-Parrish said she had just left Juzt Kidz
Learning Center on Winton Road Sunday when she got a call
from her security company.
Taki Starkes-Parrish, Owner
The company told her there was an unauthorized entry to her
day care – for the third time in a week.
The suspected burglar – 43-year-old Liddell McGrier – was
still there when she and police got there.
Officers surrounded the building and found him inside the
attic.
“He had literally punched a hole in the ceiling, climbed
into it some type of way,” Starkes-Parrish said.
They could literally see the insulation going up and down,
up and down. Guess he was breathing hard.”
Starkes-Parrish said Mcgrier fell through the ceiling as
officers tried to escort him out of the attic.
“It’s a great deal of damages,” she said. “You can see
insulation, you can see sheet rock all on the floor.”
McGrier is facing a burglary charge. Starkes-Parrish said
she believes he’s behind two other break-ins at the
daycare.
A computer, food and paper goods were stolen. Starkes-
Parrish said the burglar or burglars also made sandwiches
during the break-ins.
“If you were hungry, I mean really, we would’ve fed you,”
she said.
She said she is grateful to the officers who arrested him.
“To go up in a dark attic and look for a criminal who
could’ve actually had a gun, could’ve had a knife. They put
themselves in harm's way and I’m just really grateful.”
From: Jerry
Re: Multi-Plug-In unit
Dear Webby
First of all, thanx for offering the large type option to
those of us who are superannuated.
I go back to the days when your connections to accessories
(printers, scanners, etc.) and you had many sizes and
fittings.
My Dell (surprise) has only a few ports for my accessories.
Is there a multi-plug unit available so I can keep my
connectors in one place?
Thank you
Jerry
Dear Jerry
Yes, there sure is.
There are some, rather expensive, docking stations still
qavailable from the days when we had serial and parallel
ports and things like that.
Nowadays everything connects via USB ports. All you need is
one or two USB hubs, and maybe a USB extension cord.
Plug the USB extension cord into the computer and bring it
up to the monitor. Attach your USB hubs to the side of the
monitor, where they USB outlets SHOULD be.
Anybody listening? The monitor runs off USB and could
easily handle a dozen USB sockets!
Glue or velcro your USB hubs to the side of the monitor.
Attach the chinzy short cable of the first USB hub to your
USB extension cable, and connect the short cable of the
second hub into one socket on the first hub.
You can, if necesary, daisy-chain any number of USB hubs
like that. After you glue the hubs to the side of the
monitor, you can plug and UNplug devices without crawling
under the desk and messing around in the dark.
With the new, flat monitors you can glue the hubs behind
it, so that just the sockets stick out on the side.
You will be the envy of all your acquaintances.
Monitors with built in USB hubs won't be available for a
few years yet.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
Two confirmed bachelors are talking and their conversation
drifts from politics to cooking. "I got a cookbook last
Christmas," says the first, "but I could never do anything
with it." "Too much fancy cooking in it, eh?" asks the
second. "You said it. Every one of the recipes began the
same way, 'Take a clean dish and ...'"
--------------
I have a few years ago reverted to being an untamed
bachelor, but I learned in the 70s that washing dishes is
the best way to heal hands, that have work related wounds,
especially concrete sores. So I quite enjoy washing dishes.
Putting them away is another story, though :D
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Two sweet young ladies are driving through Louisiana. When
they reach the town of Natchitoches, they started arguing
about the pronunciation of the name. They argue back and
forth until they stop for lunch. As they stand at the
counter, one asks the manager, "Before we order, could you
please settle an argument for us? Would you please tell us
where we are? We're having trouble deciding how to
pronounce it."
The manager leans over the counter and says, "Goodness
Gwecious Nee, you ahh at Belga Kink." (Burger King)
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Meat
Make multiple meals with the same cut of meat. For example,
if you buy ham or roast, plan on making a large pot of
soup with the leftovers. Whole chickens can be less
expensive than chicken pieces and the bones can be used for
soup stock.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Italian Sculpture Garden
|
___________________________________________________
Ancient Classic:
Jack was going to be married to Jill, so his father sat him
down for a little fireside chat.
He said "Jack, let me tell you something. On my wedding
night in our honeymoon suite, I took off my pants and
handed them to your mother, and said, 'Here, try these on.'
"So, she did and said, 'These are too big, I can't wear
them.'
"I replied, 'Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I
always will.'
"Ever since that night we have never had any problems."
"Hmmm, "said Jack. He thought that might be a good thing to
try. So on his honeymoon, Jack took off his pants and said
to Jill, "Here try these on."
So she did and said, "These are too large, they don't fit
me."
Jack said, "Exactly. I wear the pants in this family and I
always will, and I don't want you to ever forget that."
Then Jill took off her pants and handed them to Jack and
said, "Here, you try on mine."
So he did and said, "I can't get into your pants."
Jill said, "Exactly. And if you don't change your smart ass
attitude, you never will."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
A man is away on a business trip for a few days, and when
he returns, his wife tells him that the dog really missed
him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting
your return," she says.
"What an example of true love," her husband replies.
"I wonder if you would be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answers, "if you were gone overnight, and I
didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting
for you at the front door, marble rolling pin in hand."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 20 in
1741 Danish navigator Vitus Jonas Bering, sailing for the
Russian navy, discovered Alaska.
Outsiders first discovered Alaska in 1741 when Danish
explorer Vitus Jonassen Bering sighted it on a voyage from
Siberia. Russian whalers and fur traders on Kodiak Island
established the first settlement in Alaska in 1784.
1866 The National Labor Union in the U.S. advocated an
eight-hour workday.
1866 It was formally declared by U.S. President Andrew
Johnson that the American Civil War was over. The fighting
had stopped months earlier.
1882 Tchaikovsky's "1812 Overture" debuted in Moscow.
1914 German forces occupied Brussels, Belgium, during World
War I.
1918 The British opened its Western Front offensive during
World War I.
1923 The first American dirigible, the "Shenandoah," was
launched in Lakehurst, NJ. The ship began its maiden voyage
from the same location on September 4.
1940 France fell to the Germans during World War II.
1953 It was announced by the Soviet Union that they had
detonated a hydrogen bomb.
1955 In Morocco and Algeria hundreds of people were killed
in anti-French rioting.
1955 Colonel Horace A. Hanes, a U.S. Air Force pilot, flew
to an altitude of 40,000 feet. Hanes reached a speed of
822.135 miles per hour in a Super Sabrejet.
1967 The New York Times reported about a noise reduction
system for album and tape recording developed by
technicians R. and D.W. Dolby. Elektra Record's subsidiary,
Checkmate Records became the first label to use the new
Dolby process in its recordings.
1968 The Soviet Union and other Warsaw Pact nations began
invading Czechoslovakia to crush the "Prague Spring"
liberalization.
1977 Voyager 2 was launched by the United States. The
spacecraft was carrying a 12 inch copper phonograph record
containing greetings in dozens of languages, samples of
music and sounds of nature.
1985 The original Xerox 914 copier was presented to the
Smithsonian Institute's Museum of American History. Chester
Carlson was the man who invented the machine.
1991 A rally of more than 100,000 people occurred outside
the Russian parliament building to protest the coup that
removed Gorbachev from power.
1997 NATO troops seized six police stations in Banja Luka
that had been held by troops controlled by former Bosnian
Serb President Radovan Karadzic.
1997 Britain began voluntary evacuation of its Caribbean
island of Montserrat due to the volcanic activity of the
Soufriere Hills.
1998 Canada's Supreme Court announced that Quebec could not
secede without the federal government's consent.
1998 U.S. military forces attacked a terrorist camp in
Afghanistan and a chemical plant in Sudan. Both targets
were chosen for cruise missile strikes due to their
connection with Osama bin Laden.
1998 The U.N. Security Council extended trade sanctions
against Iraq for blocking arms inspections.
2010 The last American combat brigade exited Iraq after
more than seven years after the U.S.-led invasion began.
2018 smiled.
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If Mailwasher seems stuck
Sunday, August 19, 2018, 06:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 19
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Today's Bonehead Award:
Brit vacationer demands compensation because
there were too many Spaniards in Spain
______________________________________________________
Today, August 19 in
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
- More quotations on: [Morning]
No one goes there nowadays, it's too crowded.
--- Yogi Berra (1925 - )
If you look good and dress well,
you don't need a purpose in life.
--- Robert Pante
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
The new preacher was a dead ringer for Conway Twitty. One
day he decided to visit some of the church members who
hadn't been to service lately.
He went to the first lady's house and knocked on the door.
When she answered the door, she said, "Conway Twitty!"
"No ma'am," he replied.
"I'm your new pastor, and I just stopped by to have a
prayer with you."
So she said come right on in.
He visited several more homes, and everyone thought he
was Conway Twitty. Then he came to a widow woman's
house on the end of the street.
She was taking a shower at the time, so she just wrapped
a towel around her and opened the door.
When she saw her caller, she threw up her hands - which
allowed the towel to fall to the floor. "Oh my God!" she
exclaimed. "It's Conway Twitty!"
And he said, "Hello, Darlin!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
A minister was asked to inform a man with a heart condition
that he had just inherited a million dollars. Everyone was
afraid the shock would give him a heart attack.
So the minister went to the man's house and said,
"Joe, what would you do if you inherited a million
dollars?"
And Joe said, "Well, pastor, I think I would give half
of it to the church."
At which the pastor fell over dead.
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Freda Jackson,
81,
Blackburn,
Lancashire,
England
Brit vacationer demands compensation because
there were too many Spaniards in Spain
Toni Mayor, the President of the Benidorm Hotel Owners
Association, thinks Brits keep complaining about things
just so they can get compensation. He was reacting to the
case of Freda Jackson, an 81-year-old British grandmother,
who recently said there were too many Spanish people at her
hotel in Benidorm.
Ms Jackson, from Blackburn, Lancashire, said: ‘The hotel
was full of Spanish holidaymakers and they really got on
our nerves because they were just so rude. ‘One evening a
Spanish guy nearly knocked me flying and he just walked off
without even apologising. ‘The entertainment in the hotel
was all focused and catered for the Spanish – why can’t the
Spanish go somewhere else for their holidays?’ She had
demanded compensation from Thomas Cook after calling the
locals rude and saying they got on her nerves.
From: Ann
Re: Mailwasher stuck
Dear Webby
Could you tell me why Mail Washer Pro, isn't working
right???
All of a sudden, I have to separate the spam myself, and
the icon doesn't blink anymore when new e mail arrives.
Yesterday, it stopped working altogether and all my mail
went into my outlook, I unchecked the boxes, send and
receive e mail on start up and, check for messages every so
many minutes
Thanks
Ann
Dear Ann
I had to ask the good folks at MailWasher about that.
Jeremy told me that it seems that a power failure or crash
shut it down too quickly, before it could tuck it's marbles
away and close it's restore bin and training archive.
No panic. Click on HELP, About, and on the link to where
those files are at the bottom there. Then close MailWasher.
Windows can't delete those files while MailWasher is trying
to open them.
Once MailWasher is closed, delete the "Trash.rot135" file
and the "Training" Folder. After that MailWasher will start
up normally and work fine.
Jeremy also suggested that you might be due for a free
update to the current version.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her
idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends.
"The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company.
He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain.
And stay home at night!"
An old granny overheard and spoke up,
"Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The main accomplishment of almost all organized protests
is to annoy people who are not in them.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money at Starbucks
Save money at Starbucks by ordering smaller beverages. If
you currently order a grande, try scaling back to a tall.
You can also try to make Starbucks a reward rather than a
daily habit.
It's a bit beyond me why anybody would want to pay
big money for burned dish water, no refills, and work as
waiter or waitress on top of it. Must be some weird cult!
Luckily there are usually some restaurants close by, where
one can get a sandwich and a decent coffee, with free
refills, served with a smile,
for what ONE paper cup of self serve burned dish water from
a snooty "barista" costs at Starbucks.
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Walter the Stone Carver. Take a look at his
galleries, he's very talented.
|
___________________________________________________
A man walked into the ladies department of a Macy's
department store. Shyly, he walked up to the woman
behind the counter and said, "Yeah... Um... I'da...
I'd like to buy a bra for my wife."
"What type of bra?" asked the clerk.
"Type?" inquired the man. "There's more than one type?"
"Look around," said the saleslady, as she brought his
attention to a sea of bras in every shape, size color and
material imaginable.
"Actually, even with all of this variety, there are really
only four types of bras," informed the sales clerk.
Confused, the man asked what she meant.
The saleslady said, "As I said, 4 types: The Catholic type,
the Salvation Army type, the Presbyterian type, and the
Baptist type.
Which one do you need?"
Still confused the man asked,
"What is the difference between them?"
The lady responded plainly, "It is all really quite simple.
The Catholic type supports the masses,
the Salvation Army type lifts up the fallen,
the Presbyterian type keeps them staunch and upright,
and the Baptist type makes mountains out of mole hills."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Doug and Bill were at the racetrack.
Doug says, "You know, if you win $600 on a race,
the track tells the government."
Bill says, "Well it could be worse."
Doug replies, "What could be worse than telling the
government you won $600."
Bill sighs, "Telling your wife."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 19 in
1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle
against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia.
1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by
the New York Herald.
1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of
condensing milk by vacuum.
1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the
Indianapolis Motor Speedway.
1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were
arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime
was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday.
1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain.
1929 "Amos and Andy," the radio comedy program, made its
debut on NBC starring Freeman Gosden and Charles Correll.
1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in
Germany as Fuehrer.
1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded
honorary license #1 to Orville Wright.
1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a
raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered
about 50 percent casualties.
1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was
convicted of espionage in Moscow.
1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's
orbit by the Soviet Union.
1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus,
U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a
bullet while in the American embassy.
1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14
fighters in the Gulf of Sidra.
1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail
Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned
to power two days later.
1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of
Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico.
1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to
demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan
Milosevic.
2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock
Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day
at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded.
2016 A federal judge ordered Hillary Clinton to answer
questions from the watchdog group Judicial Watch in writing
about her use of a private email server while she was
secretary of state.
2018 smiled.
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Part of a CD to bookmark or favorite
Saturday, August 18, 2018, 08:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 18
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Burglary suspect arrested after
stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 18 in
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
You don't stop laughing because you grow old. You grow old
because you stop laughing.
--- Michael Pritchard
Whenever you hear the consensus of scientists agrees on
something or other, reach for your wallet, because you're
being had.
--- Michael Crichton (1942 - 2008)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
So one day, Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the
water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was
dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at
him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's
kitchen.
"Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?"
Gramma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma"
exclaimed Johnny. "There's a BIG ole' alligator down
there!"
"Now don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been
there for many years now, and he's never hurt no one.
Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me
as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Jill was out driving her car and while stopped at a red
light, the car just died. It was a busy intersection and
the traffic behind her starting growing. The guy in the car
directly behind her started honking his horn continuously
as Jill continued to try getting the car to start up again.
Finally Jill gets out of her car and approaches the guy in
the car behind her.
"I can't seem to get my car started," Jill said, smiling.
"Would you be a sweetheart and go and see if you can
get it started for me. I'll stay here in your car and honk
your horn like a demented idjit for you."
______________________________________________________
The Lady Gouldian finch is a small, multi-colored
bird. Both sexes are covered in green, yellow, blue,
purple, red, and black. They are endemic to Australia,
preferring tropical savanna woodland habitats in the
northern part of the country. In 1992, it was classified as
endangered in the wild with less than 2,500 specimens. This
bird is, however, popular with people and in the late
1990’s, there were over 13,000 in captivity.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jason Ostrom,
Ninnekah,
Oklahoma
Burglary suspect arrested after
stealing Oklahoma deputy’s patrol car
An easily-identifiable suspect is behind bars after he
allegedly stole a patrol car on Monday night.
On Monday night, deputies with the Grady County Sheriff’s
Department were investigating the burglary of a home in
Ninnekah. When they arrived at the scene, deputies were
able to take Jason Ostrom into custody.
After handcuffing Ostrom, a deputy placed him in the
backseat of a patrol car while he spoke with the victim of
the burglary.
According to the Chickasha Express Star, Ostrom was able to
climb into the front seat and take off in the deputy’s
patrol car.
Authorities say Ostrom collided with the side of a Ninnekah
patrol car, led officers on a chase and crashed the
deputy’s car into a ditch.
Ostrom was taken into custody a short time later.
He is now facing charges of second-degree burglary, leaving
the scene of an accident, malicious injury to property,
obstructing an officer, drug possession, eluding,
unauthorized use of a vehicle and escape after lawful
arrest.
From: Daniel
Re: CD to Favorite
Dear Webby
another question. is it possible to add a song that i am
playing from a cd on my computer to " favorites " ?
thanks again,
daniel
Dear Daniel
With some browsers you can, but you can always make a
desktop shortcut to it. It will only work when you got that
particular CD in the machine. If you want it to work at
all
times, copy that song to the hard drive and THEN make
a desktop shortcut to it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten
Commandments with her five and six year olds. After
explaining the commandment to "honor thy father and thy
mother," she asked, "is there a commandment that teaches
us how to treat our brothers and sisters?"
Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a
family of seven) answered with a sad and disappointed
voice,
"Thou shall not kill."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
An old man in Mississippi was sitting on his front porch
watching
the sun rise. He sees the neighbor's kid walk by carrying
something big under his arm. He yells out
"Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of chicken wire."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says "Gonna catch some chicken."
Old man yells "You damn fool, you can't catch chicken with
chicken wire!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That evening at sunset the boy comes walking by and to the
old man's surprise he is dragging behind him the chicken
wire with about 30 chicken caught in it.
Same time next morning the old man is out watching the sun
rise and he sees the boy walk by carrying something kind of
round in his hand.
Old man yells out "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy yells back "Roll of duck tape."
Old man says "What you gonna do with that?"
Boy says back "Gonna catch me some ducks."
Old man yells back, "You damn fool, you can't catch ducks
with duck tape!"
Boy just laughs and keeps walking.
That night around sunset the boy walks by coming home and
to the old man's amazement he is trailing behind him the
unrolled roll of duck tape with about 35 ducks caught in
it.
Same time next morning the old man sees the boy walking by
carrying what looks like a long reed with something fuzzy
on the end.
Old man says "Hey boy, whatcha got there?"
Boy says "It's a pussy willow."
Old man says "Wait up.... I'll get my hat."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use a blower or broom to clean grass clippings off your
walkways and mower. Make sure to remove grass from
any drains to prevent clogging. Compost bagged clippings
instead of throwing them away or just leave them to mulch
the lawn.
If you try composting lawn grass, make sure you mix in
fluff, or it will kill your compost. Anything loose will
work. Peat moss is fine, left over garden soil, kitchen
garbage, shredded cardboard, etc.
Without that you will get a locking layer that will stop
the compost from working until you dig it over into the
alternate bin.
Usually it is much easier to just mulch the lawn clippings
right back onto the lawn.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Tattooing in the Civil War Was a Hedge Against Anonymous Death
|
___________________________________________________
A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made
a turn at a red light where it was prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said.
"Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right
behind us did the same thing."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Walking through the hallways at the middle school where I
work, I saw a new substitute teacher standing outside his
classroom with his forehead against a locker.
I heard him mutter, "How did you get yourself into this?"
Knowing that he was assigned to a difficult class, I tried
to offer moral support.
"Are you okay?" I asked. "Can I help?"
He lifted his head and replied, "I'll be fine as soon as I
get this kid out of his locker."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 18 in
1227 The Mongol conqueror Ghengis Khan died.
1587 Virginia Dare became the first child to be born on
American soil of English parents. The colony that is now
Roanoke Island, NC, mysteriously vanished.
1846 Gen. Stephen W. Kearney and his U.S. forces captured
Santa Fe, NM.
1894 The Bureau of Immigration was established by the U.S.
Congress.
1914 The "Proclamation of Neutrality" was issued by U.S.
President Woodrow Wilson. It was aimed at keeping the U.S.
out of World War I.
1919 The "Anti-Cigarette League of America" was formed in
Chicago IL.
1937 The first FM radio construction permit was issued in
Boston, MA. The station went on the air two years later.
1938 The Thousand Islands Bridge was dedicated by U.S.
President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The bridge connects the
U.S. and Canada.
1940 Canada and the U.S. established a joint defense plan
against the possible enemy attacks during World War II.
1958 Vladimir Nabokov's novel "Lolita" was published.
1963 James Meredith graduated from the University of
Mississippi. He was the first black man to accomplish this
feat.
1966 The first pictures of earth taken from moon orbit were
sent back to the U.S.
1990 The first shots were fired by the U.S. in the Persian
Gulf Crisis when a U.S. frigate fired rounds across the bow
of an Iraqi oil tanker.
1991 An unsuccessful coup was attempted against President
Mikhail S. Gorbachev. The Soviet hard-liners were
responsible. Gorbechev and his family were effectively
imprisoned for three days while vacationing in Crimea.
1997 Beth Ann Hogan became the first coed in the Virginia
Military Institute's 158-year history.
1998 Mrs. Field's Original Cookies announced that they
would acquire the Great American Cookie Co.
2004 Donald Trump unveiled his board game (TRUMP the Game)
where players bid on real estate, buy big ticket items and
make billion-dollar business deals.
2018 smiled.
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Friday, August 17, 2018, 09:49 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 17
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
The smoke is back.
BC has 566 wildfires burning out of control and flying
embers and burning branches starting new fires every day.
So far this year more than 1,800 fires have charred some
380,000 hectares (939,000 acres).
Last year saw 1.2m hectares (2,965,264 acres) scorched by
fires raging in the BC province.
Even though that is only aboout one third of the fires from
last year and a long way from a record, we seem to get
more
smoke than usual.
Yukon, please send us some fresh, cool air!
Congratulations to Gary and Pam, subscribers in the Yukon,
who are getting married today!
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man arrested for smashing police cruiser
window with a brick charged with a hate crime
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 17 in
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Frank Wilczek (1951 - )
Silent gratitude isn't very much use to anyone.
--- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946)
Today's scientists have substituted mathematics for
experiments,
and they wander off through equation after equation, and
eventually build a structure which has no relation to
reality.
--- Nikola Tesla, Modern Mechanics and Inventions, July,
1934
(Tesla was the inventor of ALL the AC motors)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
After buying her kids a pet hamster, after they PROMISED
they would take care of it, Mom, as usual, ended up with
the responsibility.
One evening, exasperated, she asked them, "How many
times do you think that hamster would have died if I hadn't
looked after it?"
After a moment, her 5-year-old son replied quizzically,
"Er.... Once?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
IF WEBSITES HAD WARNING LABELS
Google: "Warning! You may actually find more than what
you're looking for."
Blogs: "Will cause drowsiness."
Microsoft: "Warning! Bill Gates isn't *ever* going to share
his money with YOU."
Facebook: "Age, gender, and attractiveness of members may
differ from what is posted."
Apple Computers: "Warning! High Smug Advisory."
Wikipedia: "Warning label does not exist. Would you like to
create warning label?"
iTunes: "Be alert for falling album sales and shifting
music industry paradigms."
YouTube: "Warning! Contents may be stupid."
Match.com: "Contents may just be fictitious."
______________________________________________________
Commuter Broom
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Devon Adams-Almstad,
20,
Hartford,
Connecticut
Man arrested for smashing police cruiser
window with a brick charged with a hate crime
A police department in the state of Connecticut is arguing
that recent attacks against police officers involving a man
who threw bricks through a cruiser window are guilty of
committing a “hate crime.”
Why?
Because the man said he “hated white cops.” Ironically, the
suspect himself is white. What a world we live in, right?
You can’t make this stuff up.
A Connecticut police department is arguing that attacks
against officers count as a hate crime after a man threw a
brick through a cruiser window and reportedly said he
“hates white cops.”
The Hartford Courant reported that 20-year-old Devon Adams-
Almstad was charged with first-degree criminal mischief,
assault on police, reckless endangerment, hate crime and
breach of peace after throwing the brick that narrowly
missed an officer’s head and left him with cuts from the
window’s broken glass.
According to the police report, the man claimed he “he
hates white police officers because they shoot black people
and that he hates all of us” at some point during the
incident.
Perhaps a nice stint in prison will help straighten this
guy out and help him grow up a bit. Nayve it is not too
late to cleanse his brain of liberalism and try to make
something out of his life.
From: Hugh@ Yahoo
Re: REMOVE!
Hugh Roberts wrote:
Please remove my address from all your servers.
Dear Hugh
You don't have an account with us and I can't remove your
address from anything.
Most likely you have been fooled by some spoofs, that were
sent to you by the Yahoo Spoof&Spam server.
Can't help you there. You will have to contact Yahoo
yourself.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing.
Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other
places, but he continued to come to the choir.
The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor.
"You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said.
"If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are
going to quit too. Please do something."
So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you
should leave the choir."
"Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked.
"Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing."
That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told
me that you can't preach!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
FACTS OF LIFE
Nobody is perfect until you fall in love with them.
The closest I ever got to a 4.0 in college was my blood
alcohol content.
Home is where you can say anything you like,
'cause nobody listens to you anyway.
Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
I don't have a big ego. I'm way too cool for that.
If flying is so safe, why do they call the airport the
'terminal'?
Regular naps prevent old age.....
especially if you take them while driving.
If God had intended for man to use the metric system,
Jesus would have only had ten disciples!
I have learned there is little difference in husbands,
you might as well keep the first.
Travel is very educational. I can now say "Kaopectate"
in seven different languages.
I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horseback
riding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out
of quarters."
Women should not have children after 35. Really...
35 children are enough.
Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at bowling
alleys.
After all is said and done, usually more is said than done.
I married my wife for her looks...
but not the ones she's been giving me lately!
"No one ever says "It's only a game," when their team is
winning."
I gave my son a hint. On his room door I put a sign:
CHECKOUT TIME IS 18."
"How come we choose from just two people for president
and 50 for Miss America?"
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom
door you're on.
On my first day of school my parents dropped me off at the
wrong nursery. There I was... surrounded by trees and
bushes.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Workshop Outlets Clean
Getting sawdust or other matter in your outlets can be
dangerous. Put child safety covers on outlets that are not
in use in your workshop. You can use a vacuum or canned
air to clean them out.
DON'T use canned air! Don't even allow it near your house!
If you HAVE to fling sawdust and stuff into your eyes and
down your cleavage, use a tire pump, either a manual or an
electric one. Those cheap 12 Volt emergency tire pumps
connected to a trickle-charger work quite fine, especially
for blowing across epoxy varnish to suck the bubbles out.
But don't let those air cans near your house if you have
teens!
They "huff" the stuff to get high, and every year a bunch
of them die.
Ideal is an old canister vaccuum placed outside and in a
large plastic garbage can with a hole in the lid. The
plastic garbage can muffles the noise, and you can attach a
return hose to bring the filtered air back inside.
If you don't have a return hose, the air removed by the
vacuum is replaced by uncontrolled drafts, which might be
quite undesirable in some climates.
By the way, vaccum cleaner extension hoses cost $25 - $50
at the store. Vacuum cleaners that don't work any more, are
$2 - $5 at garage sales. You can join different model
hoses
with a short piece of bicycle inner tube and a hose clamp
or a tie made from haywire.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Let's wander Mongolia
|
___________________________________________________
Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas
in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked
the station attendant.
"All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them
that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-
covered dump,
or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and
picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone
operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call
from a man asking the exact time.
One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him
why the regularity.
"I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every
day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to
get the exact time."
The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said.
"All these year we've been setting our clock by your
whistle.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 17 in
1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia
from New York City.
1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the
"Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its
successful round-trip to Albany.
1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at
the island of St. Helena.
1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first
time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with
100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles.
1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in
Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War.
1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack
discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in the Yukon, Canada.
1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia
University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name.
1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first
electric ignition device. It had been used for many years,
but never patented.
1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S.
and British forces entered Messina.
1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their
independence from the Netherlands.
1961 The Communist East German government completed the
construction of the Berlin Wall.
1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in
one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to
Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in
the company's history.
1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became
the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon
flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in
Miserey, France.
1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that
granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had
arrived in the United States before 1977.
1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and
Co. meat packers walked off the job.
1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved
with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of
Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion.
1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing
eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane
was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton.
1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper
relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern.
1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica merge to create the
largest U.S. bank.
1998 Russia devalued the ruble.
2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened
to the public.
2018 smiled.
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Transferring pictures from camera to computer
Thursday, August 16, 2018, 09:02 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 16
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman tries to flee
after wrong-way crash on I-75
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 16 in
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the
War of 1812.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to
make an exception.
--- Groucho Marx (1890 - 1977)
Don't think you're on the right road
just because it’s a well-beaten path.
--- Socratex
The problem with people who have no vices is that generally
you can be pretty sure they're going to have some pretty
annoying virtues.
--- Elizabeth Taylor
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
>Ella
Can you please send the Alabama Vasectomy joke again?
Thanks
Ella
After having their 11th child, an Alabama couple decided
that was enough (they could not afford a larger
doublewide).
So, the husband went to his doctor (who also treated mules)
and told him that he and his wife/cousin didn't want to
have any more children.
The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a
vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor instructed
him to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal
in 'Bama), light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the
can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Alabamian said to the doctor, "I may not be the
smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry
bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me"
So, the couple drove to Georgia to get a second opinion.
The Georgia physician was just about to tell them about the
procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed that they were
from Alabama. This doctor instead told the man to
go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in
a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.
Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong,
the man went home, lit a cherrybomb and put it in a beer
can.
He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5 . . . . ", at which point he paused,
placed the beer can between his legs and resumed
counting on his other hand.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
ONE RECRUIT in our platoon at Fort Knox, Ky., had an
unusual habit. No matter what lowly detail he pulled, he
would smile. On a 20-mile hike with full backpack, this guy
beamed from ear to ear. Cleaning the latrine had him
smiling as if he'd just heard a comedy routine.
But on our long-awaited graduation day, everyone was
grinning except him. "Why," I asked, "aren't you smiling
today?"
"Because, now," he said, "it won't drive our drill
instructor crazy!"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jacqueline Burge,
54,
Sarasota County,
Florida
Florida woman tries to flee
after wrong-way crash on I-75
A Florida woman with a long arrest record was arrested
after she tried to flee the scene of a car crash on I-75,
FOX13 Tampa reported.
Jacqueline Burge, 54, reportedly refused to stop after
Sarasota County Sheriff's deputies attempted to pull her
over. She hit a deputy's cruiser after driving through a
yard before merging onto I-75 southbound.
She then lost control, damaged another cruiser and then
fled again, the report said.
Burge tried to flee on foot but was quickly captured. FOX13
said Burge had drugs on her and several ID cards.
Burge has been arrested several times in Sarasota County
alone, including arrests for theft, prostitution, and drug
possession, the TV station said.
From: Healy
Re: Pictures from camera
Dear Webby,
A friend reamed me out for trasnferring pictures straight
from the camera to the computer, and claimed you had said
to never do that. Unfortunately she could not remember why
not? Does that affect the picture quality?
Healy
Dear Healy
It drains your camera batteries very quickly. The USB port
runs at 5 Volt, the camera at 6 Volt. So the camera tries
to charge up the USB port, which is regulated and backed
up by the power grid. The batteries have not got a chance,
and especially if you do some sorting and deleting, you
will drain the batteries to near flat.
There is supposed to be a diode in there preventing that,
but that usually does not work.
A chip reader costs $6 - $12. Just pop the camera chip in
there and then take your time. It runs on USB power and you
can transfer and edit as much as you got time for.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A crew of highway maintenance workers were sent to repair
some road signs that vandals had knocked down in a forested
area. The first one they put back up was a symbol warning
of a deer crossing.
As they moved down the road to repair the next sign, one
member, a goober, looked back and spotted a deer running
across the highway.
She turned to a co-worker and said, "I wonder how long he's
been waiting to cross?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to
his chair before he dropped exhausted.
His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink
and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said.
"You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make
you so exhausted?"
"It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke
down and all of us had to do our own thinking."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing Wallpaper Bubbles
If you have a large wallpaper bubble, cut an X in the
bubble. Peel back from the center, apply a bit of wallpaper
paste to each corner and flatten with a damp sponge.
For smaller bubbles, cut a slit in the bubble and squirt
a little paper adhesive into the slit then smooth out
the bubble.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
The sacred grove of Bomarzo. |
___________________________________________________
On her 15th birthday, my daughter opened a package from
her Mom and her sisters. Out came a beauty case containing
many samples of makeup.
"Neat!" I exclaimed. "Your own tackle box!"
My wife calmly explained that it was NOT a tackle box, it
was a beauty kit. My daughter proceeded to open it up and
show us all the mascara, eye shadow, rouge, and other
cosmetics.
At this point I leaned over to my wife and
whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at
all those lures."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
"A pedestrian is a person who should be seen and not
hurt."
"Customers who think the waiter is rude, should see the
manager."
"Sorry to needle you. We need your blood."
On a college president's door: "Closed--If it's something
important,
see the custodian."
Municipal golf course sign: "Please don't find lost balls
until they stop rolling.
New Jersey tourist sign: "Come to beautiful Atlantic City
and see the bored walk."
Sign in a nut shop: "No credit cards here. Strictly cashew
and carry.
By some bananas in a fruit store: "Please don't tear us
apart. We grew up together.
In a barbershop window: "Cutting out for lunch."
Sign outside a service garage in Seattle, Washington:
"Please do not drive in when doors are shut.
____________________________________________________
Today, August 16 in
1777 During the American Revolutionary War, the Battle of
Bennington took place. New England's minutemen routed the
British regulars.
1812 Detroit fell to Indian and British troops in the War
of 1812.
1829 The "Siamese twins," Chang and Eng Bunker, arrived in
Boston, MA. They had come to the Western world to be
exhibited. They were 18 years old and joined at the waist.
1842 In New York City, the U.S. government took over
operations of the City Despatch Post. This was the first
congressionally authorized local postage delivery.
1858 A telegraphed message from Britain's Queen Victoria to
U.S. President Buchanan was transmitted over the recently
laid trans-Atlantic cable.
1861 U.S. President Lincoln prohibited the Union states
from trading with the states of the Confederacy.
1923 Carnegie Steel Corporation put into place the eight-
hour workday for its employees.
1937 Harvard University became the first school to have
graduate courses in traffic engineering and administration.
1954 Sports Illustrated was published for the first time.
It was claimed that 250,000 subscriptions had been sold
before the first issue came off of the presses.
1960 Cyprus was granted independence from Britain.
1960 The free-fall world record was set by Joseph
Kittinger. He fell more than 16 miles (about 84,000 feet)
before opening his parachute over New Mexico.
1978 Xerox was fined for excluding Smith-Corona Mfg. from
the copier market. The fine was $25.6 million.
1995 Voters in Bermuda rejected independence from Great
Britain.
1999 In Russia, Vladimir V. Putin was confirmed as prime
minister by the lower house of parliament.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, August 16, 2018, 09:00 AM
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Wednesday, August 15, 2018, 07:13 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, August 15
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Man accused of filling water cup with
soda sees $2 cost ‘supersized’ to $50,000
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 15 in
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a
president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he
told me that, I stopped worrying.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 2004)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
My parents only had one argument in forty-five years.
It lasted forty-three years.
--- Cathy Ladman
I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice
letter saying that I approved of it.
--- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910)
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Tech Support: "How much free space do you have on your hard
drive?"
Customer: "Well, my wife likes to get up there on that
Internet, and she downloaded ten hours of free space. Is
that enough?"
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Daniel Stine,
Missoula,
Montana
Man accused of filling water cup with
soda sees $2 cost ‘supersized’ to $50,000
A $2.00 charge for a soda has been “super-sized” to
$50,000, which is how much bail a Montana suspect now
faces.
Daniel Stine entered a Missoula Arby’s fast food restaurant
and requested a water cup that he then tried to full with
soda, Newstalk KGVO reported.
When confronted by an employee, Stine allegedly started a
fight, Missoula Police Public Information Officer Travis
Welsh said, according to KGVO.
“When confronted by an employee who informed him that he
had to pay for the cup of soda he refused and left out one
of the entrances,” Welsh explained. “The employee followed
him, told him that he was not welcome back then he turned
and came back towards the employee and tried to kick that
person before walking away again.”
When police responded, Stine was seen entering a nearby
Denny’s. Cops followed him into a bathroom there and that’s
when the suspect became aggressive.
“The officers were able to make entry to the bathroom,
however, when they did and confronted the man, rather than
comply with their instructions he approached them in what
appeared to be an aggressive manner,” Welsh explained. “The
officers attempted to take control of him physically and
that’s when he began to resist and fight with the officers
and had to be tased to comply to the officer’s
instructions.”
Stine now faces four misdemeanor charges of criminal
trespass, disorderly conduct, obstructing a peace officer
and resisting arrest, according to KGVO — in addition to a
felony robbery charge.
From: Guinn
Re: Can't restore
Dear Webby,
You seem to know (or can find out) a lot of answers to our
problems, out here in CyberLand. So here is MY problem:
Sometime in the past few weeks I must have clicked a
wrong key because now I cannot Restore. When I try to
Restore, the only day shown in bold numbers is the current
date and the current time. How do I get my Restore back?
Thanks for any help you can give me,
Guinn
Dear Guinn
You, or some "speeder-upper" utility, must have turned off
Restore and wiped out all the old restore data. Running out
of disk space also deactivates the Restore.
Once you clear out enough space, System Restore will
reactivate automatically, but in the meantime you will have
lost all your previous restore points.
Restore also gets a bit flaky when it gets close to the
limit of the space that you allotted for it. It will start
dropping old restore points. Theoretically it is supposed
to stop dumping when 50% of the allocated space is free.
Sometimes it doesn't.
If the restore point that you see is not the one made when
Restore got turned back on, go to Control Panel, System
System-Restore and manage it from there.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A group of Q-Tips (senior citizens) in TheVillages were
exchanging notes about their ailments.
"My arm is so weak I can hardly hold this coffee cup."
"Yes, I know. My cataracts are so bad I can't see to pour
the coffee."
"I can't turn my head because of the arthritis in my neck."
"My blood pressure pills make my dizzy."
"I guess that's the price we pay for getting old."
"Well, it's not all bad. We should be thankful that we can
still drive!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
An older friend, recently returned from her home town in
North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard
cemetery since her last visit several years back.
"Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are
together now."
"Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never
much worried where they buried someone because everyone
was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it
seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people
are with their children and grandchildren, instead of
scattered all over."
"You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried
them?"
"Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones.
Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Out The Fridge
After cleaning out your refrigerator, dampen a cloth or
clean
sponge with white vinegar and wipe down the walls and
shelves in the fridge. It will both cut down odors and help
prevent mildew. A box of baking soda also helps odors.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
I find it hard to believe these articles are made from stone, but they are! Wow! |
___________________________________________________
Woman to marriage counselor: "The only thing my husband
and I have in common is that we got married the same year."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Schalk burst into Van's room to find Van standing on a
chair with a rope around his waist and the end of the rope
around the ceiling beam. "Hey Van, what do you think you're
doing?" said Schalk.
"I'm committing suicide," replied Van.
"Well you're going about it all wrong," said Schalk.
"You're supposed to tie the rope around your neck, not our
waist."
"Man, but I tried that yesterday and I dang near choked."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 15 in
1057 Macbeth, the King of Scotland, was killed by the son
of King Duncan.
1848 The dental chair was patented by M. Waldo Hanchett.
1877 Thomas Edison wrote to the president of the Telegraph
Company in Pittsburgh, PA. The letter stated that the word,
"hello" would be a more appropriate greeting than "ahoy"
when answering the telephone.
1911 The product Crisco was introduced by Procter & Gamble
Company.
1914 The Panama Canal was officially opened to commercial
traffic as an American ship sailed from the Atlantic to the
Pacific Ocean. The first vessel to pass through the canal
was the American cargo and passenger ship SS Ancon.
1918 Diplomatic ties between the U.S. and Russia were
severed.
1935 Will Rogers and Wiley Post were killed in an airplane
crash in near Point Barrow, AK.
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Hollywood, CA. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow."
1943 Because of his special talent to use food scraps in
both unusual and appetizing recipes, the U.S. War
Department awarded Sgt. Edward Dzuba the Legion of Merit.
1944 The Allied forces of World War II landed in southern
France.
1947 India became independent from Britain and was divided
into the countries of India and Pakistan. India had been
under British rule about 200 years.
1948 The Republic of Korea was proclaimed.
1949 In San Francisco, a stunt leap off the Golden Gate
Bridge was performed for the first time.
1961 East German workers began construction of the Berlin
Wall.
1971 U.S. President Nixon announced a 90-day freeze on
wages, rents and prices.
1986 The U.S. Senate approved a package of economic
sanctions against South Africa. The ban included the
importing of steel, uranium, textiles, coal, and produce
from South Africa.
1992 Vietnam blamed Hollywood for creating the "myth"
concerning the issue of U.S. servicemen still being held
prisoner in Indochina.
1997 The U.S. Justice Department decided not to prosecute
FBI officials in connection with the deadly 1992 Ruby Ridge
siege in Idaho. The investigation dealt with an alleged
cover-up.
2000 A group of 100 people from North Korea arrived in
South Korea for temporary reunions with relatives they had
not seen for half a century. Also, a group of 100 South
Koreans visited the North.
2001 Astronomers announced the discovery of the first solar
system outside our own. They had discovered two planets
orbiting a star in the Big Dipper.
2011 Google announced that it would acquire Motorola
Mobility for $12.5 billion.
2015 North Korea began using UTC+08:30 (official name
Pyongyang Time) as a rejection of Japanese imperialism.
2018 smiled.
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Tuesday, August 14, 2018, 10:08 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, August 14
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee
road-rage incident suspended four times
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 14 in
2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen
(nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and
plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said
that was ok, since they are Communists.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a
president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he
told me that, I stopped worrying.
--- Ronald Reagan (1911 - 2004)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the
same building. One was 40 years old, the other over 70.
They rode on the elevator together at the end of an
unbearably hot, sticky day. The younger man was completely
done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior
was fresh as a daisy.
"I don't understand," he marvelled, "how you can listen to
complaining patients from morning till night, on a day like
this, and still look so spry and unbothered when it's
over?"
The older analyst replied, "So, who listens?"
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
The red-bearded bee-eater lives in the Indo-Malayan region
of Southeast Asia in dense forest habitats.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Lauren Davis, 22,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Driver's license of dopey woman in Nocatee
road-rage incident suspended four times
A St. Johns County arrest report says that a road-rage
incident led to the arrest of a Jacksonville woman on
felony drug charges stemming from a Nocatee road-rage
incident.
Deputies said that Lauren Davis, 22, was driving with a
license that had been suspended four times by the state.
According to a report, Davis was driving on Nocatee Parkway
when she slammed the brakes on her 2008 Honda Element in an
act of road rage. A deputy witnessed the incident, the
report said.
When Davis was pulled over, she immediately admitted that
she had road rage because she had been cut off by another
car, the report said.
The deputy who pulled her over smelled marijuana and asked
Davis if she had any in her car, the report said. Davis
then held up a plastic bag from her center console.
Davis told deputies the bag held one ounce of marijuana,
the report said.
The report added that Davis' drivers license has been
suspended four times since July 19, 2017. She drives
anyway.
From Edna
Re: Why Downward tripod?
Dear Webby,
Why would I ever need a tripod for shootiing straight down?
Edna
Dear Edna
If you make custom jewelry, or collect butterflies or bugs
or marbles or anything small, and need the same angle and
background for catalog type pages, then you can't really
scan them and have to take pictures. A twisted bar works
very well for that.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
A old man told his doctor, "I don't think my wife's
hearing is as good as it used to be. What should I do?"
The doctor replied, "Try this test first. When your
wife is at the sink doing dishes, stand fifteen feet
behind her and ask her a question. If she doesn't
respond, keep moving closer, asking the question until
she hears you."
He went home and saw his wife preparing dinner.
Standing fifteen feet behind her he said, "What's for
dinner, honey?"
Hearing no reply, he moved up to ten feet behind her
and repeated the question.
Still no reply, so he moved to five feet.
Finally he stood directly behind her and said, "Honey,
what's for dinner tonight?"
She turned around and yelled in his face, "For the
fourth time, I SAID CHICKEN, you deaf old fart!"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Thanks to Rosie for this story:
After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest
military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-
Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me, all
under the age of eleven.
Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the
cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our
entourage in disbelief, "Ma'am," he asked, "do all these
children and this luggage belong to you?"
"Yes, sir," my mother said with a sigh. "They're all
mine."
The customs agent began his questions, "Ma'am, do you have
any weapons, contraband or illegal drugs in your
possession?"
"Sir," she calmly answered, "if I'd had any of those items,
I would have used them by now."
The official allowed us to pass without opening a single
suitcase.
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Carpet Installation Day
Most carpet retailers outsource the installation to
independent contractions so it's important to inspect the
work closely and not sign any paperwork after the
installation until you are satisfied. If the carpet
installers will not address your concerns, call the
retailer.
The same applies to ANY and ALL flooring installers.
I held back 50% pending successful installation when I
bought vinyl flooring in 2001 and did not budge no matter
how much they whined. It is ridiculous what they initially
tried to get away with. Tried unsuccessfully!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
A time travelers secret stroll through Brooklyn Heights. |
___________________________________________________
Boss, to four of his employees: "I'm really sorry, but I'm
going to have to let one of you go."
Black Employee: "I'm a protected minority."
Female Employee: "And I'm a woman."
Oldest Employee: "Fire me, buster, and I'll hit you with an
age discrimination suit so fast it'll make your head spin."
To which they all turn to look at the helpless young,
white, male employee, who thinks a moment, then responds:
"I think I might be gay..."
So, to be politically correct, he fired them all.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
One Liners:
Middle Age: When actions creak louder than words.
Don't worry. I forgot your name, too!
Is it time for your medication or mine?
____________________________________________________
Today, August 14 in
1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne,
Germany, began after being destroyed by fire.
1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed
on board the USS Constitution. Tunis did not honor it until
the Marines showed up and knocked them back into the stone
age.
1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was
completed after 632 years of rebuilding.
1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver
B. Shallenberger.
1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory.
Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the
area to look for gold.
1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations,
lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer
Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners.
1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World
War I.
1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a
glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in
the incident.
1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social
Security Act into law. The act created unemployment
insurance and pension plans for the elderly.
1936 The first basketball competition was held at the
Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada,
19-8.
1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct
the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was
the new home of the U.S. War Department.
1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of
certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis.
1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan
had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World
War II.
1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule.
1953 The whiffle ball was invented.
1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The
robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars.
1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to
intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and
Roman Catholics.
1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked
the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the
U.S.
1976 A charity softball game began for the Community
General Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually
called off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score
was Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467.
1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was
incorporated.
1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement
agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by
Mexican police.
1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to
Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop
mass deaths due to starvation.
1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the
history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military
college. She quit the school less than a week later.
1998 A U.S. federal appeals court in Richmond, VA, ruled
that the Food and Drug Administration had no authority to
regulate tobacco. The FDA had established rules to make it
harder for minors to buy cigarettes.
2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and
restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash
that killed 110 people in 1996.
2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after
being closed 54 years earlier because Cuba had stolen
(nationalized) all US built and owned refineries and
plantations and canneries. Secretary of State Hillary said
that was ok, since they are Communists.
2018 smiled.
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Tripod aid for shooting downward
Monday, August 13, 2018, 07:48 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, August 13
We got fresh, cold air coming all the way down from the
Yukon. It blew the smoke back over the Rockies to BC and
down into the US. The cold air dropped the temperature 30
degrees and caused a lot of clouds, but the air is fresh
and clean.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman used identical twin's name
during drug arrest, sister claims
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 13 in
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first
two-way telephone conversation by satellite to take place.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
Freedom of the press is limited to those who own one.
--- A. J. Liebling (1904 - 1963)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
"If you had a quarter," quizzed the teacher, "and you asked
your father for a dollar and fifty cents, how much
money would you have?"
"One quarter." answered .
The teacher shook her head and said, "You don't know
your arithmetic, do you, ?"
sighed and replied, "You don't know my father."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
Sidu River Bridge is located in Badong County of the Hubei
Province of China. It opened in November 2009 and was the
world’s highest bridge, rising more than 1,500 feet in the
air. It’s one of the most spectacular bridges in the world.
This suspension bridge is 1,222 m-long (4,009 ft) and the
span is so high that Shanghai’s Oriental Pearl Tower could
fit underneath it. The highest bridge in the world spans
such
a great chasm that it had to be established using
rockets. The Sidu River Bridge is the tallest bridge in
the world, standing around 1,500 ft tall.
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Myesha Brown,
25,
Memphis,
Tennessee
Woman used identical twin's name
during drug arrest, sister claims
Tarnesha Lee, talked with FOX13 Saturday outside 201 Poplar,
but if you look up jail records, she was locked up at the
time.
If you look up her name, she’s was just busted for drugs.
When in fact, she told us she has never been arrested.
An affidavit showed, Lee was busted early Saturday morning
after MPD searched a motel room and found 28 Ecstasy pills.
She’s charged with possession of a controlled substance with
intent to sell. “I have a professional career, I don’t need
my name slandered like this,” Lee said.
Here’s the problem, Lee has an identical twin sister, Myesha
Brown. Brown has a rap sheet and she was actually the one
busted for drugs but she gave officers her sister’s name
because she had warrants out for her.
Lee said, “She’s constantly using my name and they’re telling
me there’s no way they can clear it out.”
Lee told us MPD must not have even checked Brown’s ID when
she was arrested.
“Any proof that’s her name before you just use my name on a
felony charge like this, that’s not fair,” Lee told FOX13.
Lee said she’s been frantically trying to get the problem
fixed. She made calls, went to MPD, Jail East, 201 Poplar.
She said she showed her driver’s license, credit cards,
insurance cards even a marriage license as proof of who she
is.
But Lee claims she was told nothing could be done until
Monday and she may have to go to court to clear things up.
Lee said, “they should be changing in the system but I’m
getting the runaround saying there’s nothing they can do
right now.”
So while Lee said she’s angry with her sister for creating
this mess in the first place, she’s even more upset that no
one is helping her fix it. Lee told us, “all I want them to
do is go ahead and clear my name so I can move past this,”
Lee told us her sister has used her name when she was
arrested three other times in Mississippi but she was able to
clear that up right away.
From Leo
Re: Downward tripod
Dear Webby,
This question is not really web related, but since you
answer questions about digital cameras,...
is there a gadget for adapting a tripod to take pictures
downward, and that don't cost more than the camera ?
Leo
Dear Leo
Get a wide, foot long ruler, either plexi glass or plastic,
and fairly stiff. Usually, the wider they are, the stiffer
and less flexible. Before airport security went nuts after
9/11, I used to use a 2" wide, foot long strip of 1/4"
aluminuim, but nowadays you have to use plastic or
plexiglass. 5mm Plexiglass works well. Most car and house
window places have it, and you might be able to get a scrap
for free.
Drill a 5.5 mm (1/4") hole about an inch or two from the
end in the middle of the ruler.
Heat up the middle of the ruler or plexiglass with a
handheld hair drier or hot air blower, and twist it gently
so that the ends are 90 degrees offset from each other.
You might want to clamp the ends between some wood, so that
you don't burn your fingers when you do that.
If you don't have luck with twisting, you COULD just bend
it 90 degrees in the middle. The reason I prefer the
twisting is because that way it takes less room in your
camera case. However, either method works.
Get a 1/4" x 20 wing bolt about 3/4" long. NOT the metric
equivalent! You CAN still get them in Imperial dimensions!
Imagine the hassle I had finding one of those when I was a
kid in Austria in the late 50's or early 60's! They had
gone metric centuries before then, but camera tripod
sockets were still in Imperial.
You also need a 1/4" x 20 wing nut. You may have to go to
Home Depot or any big hardware store for those. They are
still available!
Now put the ruler onto your tripod and fasten it with the
wing nut.
Put the wing bolt through the hole on the free end of the
ruler, and thread it into the bottom of the sideways held
camera.
The reason for using wing nuts and wing bolts is so that
you don't have to carry a wrench. Even if you assemble the
gadget only finger tight, iron bolts tend to get very
sticky if left in aluminum.
Spray paint it all bright yellow, so that you can find the
parts easily in your camera bag, and threaten major mayhem
if somebody borrows any of those bright yellow components.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
My boss was complaining in our staff meeting the other day
that he wasn't getting any respect. Later that morning he
went to a local sign shop and bought a small sign that read,
"I'm the Boss". He then taped it to his office door.
Later that day when he returned from lunch, he found that the
sign was gone and someone had taped a note to the sign that
said.
"Your wife called, she said she did not authorize your sign."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A customer was continually bothering the waiter in a
restaurant; first, he'd asked that the air conditioning be
turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be
turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about
half an hour.
Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back
and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second
customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest.
"Oh I don't care." said the waiter with a smile. "We don't
really have an air conditioner anyway."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Carpet
If you are having a small area carpeted, like a bedroom,
ask the carpet retailer if they have any remnants available
for a discounted price. They usually have remnants of brand
new carpet leftover from bigger jobs.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
A time travelers secret stroll through Brooklyn Heights. |
___________________________________________________
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon
full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past.
Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a
Dalmatian dog.
The children started to discuss the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster.
"No," said another, "he's just for good luck."
"I know!" said a third.
"They use it to find the fire hydrant!"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of
his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what
happened.
Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old football injury
that acts up once in a while."
Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played football."
Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on
the Superbowl. I put my foot through the television."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 13 in
1521 Present day Mexico City was captured by Spanish
conqueror Hernando Cortez from the Aztec Indians.
1704 The Battle of Blenheim was fought during the War of
the Spanish Succession, resulting in a victory for English
and Austrian forces.
1792 French revolutionaries took the entire French royal
family and imprisoned them.
1889 A patent for a coin-operated telephone was issued to
William Gray.
1912 The first experimental radio license was issued to St.
Joseph's College in Philadelphia, PA.
1931 The first community hospital in the U.S. was dedicated
in Elk City, OK.
1932 Adolf Hitler refused to take the post of vice-
chancellor of Germany. He said he was going to hold out
"for all or nothing."
1934 Al Capp's comic strip "L'il Abner" made its debut in
newspapers.
1942 Henry Ford unveiled his "Soybean Car." It was a
plastic-bodied car that weighed about 1000 lbs. less than a
steel car and saved the steel for the war effort. Nobody
liked it.
1959 In New York, ground was broken on the $320 million
Verrazano Narrows Bridge.
1960 "Echo I," a balloon satellite, allowed the first two-
way telephone conversation by satellite to take place.
1961 Berlin was divided by a barbed wire fence to halt the
flight of refugees. Two days later work on the Berlin Wall
began.
1985 The engagement of Maria Shriver and Arnold
Schwarzenagger was announced.
1990 Iraq transferred $3-4 billion in bullion, currency,
and other goods seized from Kuwait to Baghdad.
1992 Woody Allen began legal action to win custody of his
three children. A judge ruled against Allen in 1993.
1994 It was reported that aspirin not only helps reduce the
risk of heart disease, but also helps prevent colon cancer.
2018 smiled.
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Filter for fake McAfee messages
Sunday, August 12, 2018, 10:04 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, August 12
Smoke is still thick. The promised thunder showers didn't
really happen. There was some faint rumbling in the
distance, and for a few minutes there was a bit of a
drizzle. I was on my walk when it happened, and did not
have to change my shirt afterwards. Still can't see more
than a block.
The fires are all in BC, and some in Washington, Oregon and
California, but with cool air coming down from the Yukon,
the smoke seems to get funneled over the Rockies to
Alberta.
Fire crews have pitched in from the forest industry, from
outside the province and outside of the country including
New Zealand, Australia and Mexico.
I hope they get some good and solid rain soon! I was forest
fire fighting in 1971 and know how tough it is to go all
out in thick smoke.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida Woman Fleeing Police Gets
Corralled By Cows
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 12 in
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during
surgery by Joseph Lister.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
A husband is like a fire, he goes out when unattended.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
Being in politics is like being a football coach. You have
to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough
to think it's important.
--- Eugene McCarthy (1916 - 2005)
It is the dull man who is always sure,
and the sure man who is always dull.
--- H. L. Mencken
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
George, a rather arrogant acquaintance, and
were seated side by side on a train. An announcement was
made that all electrical power would be out for a few
minutes due to a blown circuit.
Seated across from George and were two
very attractive ladies.
Just then the train entered a dark tunnel.
A loud smack was heard.
As the train left the tunnel, a large red hand print could
be seen on George's face. Nothing was said by anyone.
The train entered another dark tunnel and another loud
smack was heard. As the train left the tunnel, another
large red hand print could be seen on the other side of
George's face. Again, nothing at all was said.
George was thinking.... must have done
something to those ladies and they thought it was me
because of my reputation.
But was thinking....I wish we would go
through another tunnel so I could slap that idiot again!!!
-------------------------
If you put nothing, or a full name like
Ms Ernestine F Trailer-Hooker III into the FIRST NAME slot
of the sign-up, that joke will fall flat. It's nearly as
bad if you got a gift subscription from a neighbor, who
typed your first name or nickname in all small or all large
letters because she had a bottle of Southern Comfort in one
hand and a donut in the other. If that is the case with
your first name or nickname, hit REPLY and tell me, and I
will instantly correct it.
DearWebby
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
U Bein Bridge, Myanmar
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Jennifer Anne Kaufman, 46,
Sanford,
Florida
Florida Woman Fleeing Police Gets
Corralled By Cows
Send in the cavalry ? or is that “cowvalry”?
It’s a relevant question, thanks to a video that shows a
woman on the run from the law who ended up being chased by
a tiny herd of cows.
The mooving experience happened Monday night in Sanford,
Florida, where authorities were pursuing a white Subaru SUV
that was reportedly stolen.
Officers attempted to stop the vehicle by using stop
sticks, causing it to crash near a pasture, according to
The Tampa Bay Times.
One of the three passengers, Erin Thomas, 38, stayed with
the SUV, while the other two attempted to hoof it into the
field.
Jamie Michael Young, 46, was quickly apprehended by a K-9
unit, but the other, Jennifer Anne Kaufman, also 46, was
about to have a different kind of animal encounter.
As she was fleeing officers, Kaufman found herself suddenly
pursued by, depending on the source, 12, 16 or 20 young
cows. A pilot in a police helicopter above the scene
immortalized the encounter, according to “Inside Edition.”
“Actually, the group of cows is following her, for a good
visual,” he said to his fellow officers below. “Looks like
they may attack her ... Keep going southeast. She’s pretty
far into the field now. If you see the group of cows,
they’re literally following her and chasing her.”
Kaufman eventually made it to a fence, where she was
arrested by police officers waiting for her.
The herd’s owner, Richard Kondracki, told local station
WKMG that he had never seen his bovines act aggressive
before but that no one had ever tried to run through the
field.
if all those cows come running at you. They didn’t know
them. They don’t know if they’re there to hurt them, or
steal one of the babies.”
Officers allegedly found 1.3 grams of cocaine, two spoons,
two clear-colored needles and a pipe burned at both ends in
the SUV, according to The Orlando Sentinel.
Kaufman is facing various charges, including drug
possession, possession of drug paraphernalia, trespassing
and resisting an officer.
She remains in the Seminole County Jail in lieu of $4,500
bond.
From: Marty
Re: Filters for spoof mails
Dear Webby,
I tried that filter, and I am impressed!
Not a single false positive, and it caught even more spam
than I had expected.
Now, how do I make a filter to catch all the useless
messages from mcAfee, both real and spoof?
Thanks
Marty
Dear Marty
For that I made this filter:
If the Subject field contains
"Suspect e-mail detected"
OR
the From field contains
"McAfee VirusScan E-mail Scan"
then hide the message from the messages list ,
and automatically (without warning or notification) delete
the message.
This filter takes priority over the friends list.
For the "OR", toggle the ALL or ANY rules to ANY.
According to the cute pie chart in the stats, this filter
currently catches and dumps 4% of the incoming mail,
unseen.
That's the way I like it. The spoof McAfee messages with
attached virus are just as useless as the real McAfee
messages. The fake McAfee messages with attached virus come
from an infected machine of one of your friends or
relatives.
To find out who that is, turn that filter off and block
half of your regular contacts for a day. If the nuisance
stops, then the culprit is in THAT half. Now half that list
and block just that portion. And so on until you are down
to the one, wo IS the culprit.
Thell her or him to get Malwarebytes and clean up their
act, or else you will block them for good.
Then turn that filter on again.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
>From Rita
I was walking home last night and decided to take a
shortcut through the cemetery.
3 girls walked up to me and explained that they were scared
to walk past the cemetery at night, so I agreed to let
them
walk along with me. I told them "I understand... I used to
get freaked out too when I was alive."
Never seen anybody run so fast
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse
starts with certain basic information and asks, "How much
do you weigh?"
"One-seventy," the man replies.
The nurse asks him to step on the scale and it shows that
his weight is actually 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?"
"Five-eleven," the man answered confidently
The nurse measures and sees that he's only 5' 8".
Then she takes his blood pressure, and it is very high.
The man says, "Of course it's high! When I came in here,
I was tall and slender. Now, suddenly I'm short and
dumpy!"
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Carpet
Save money on your carpet installation by removing and
disposing of the old carpet yourself. If you are also painting,
do your painting and dry wall work after removing the old
carpet. It allows you to paint all the way down to the
subflooring without fear of making a mess.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
Here Are 15 Of The Most Upsetting Child Ghost Stories |
___________________________________________________
An old man limped into the doctor's office and said,
"Doctor, my knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!"
The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe,
paused and then said, "Sir, how old are you?"
"I'm 98," the man announced proudly.
The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again.
Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just
look at you. You are almost one hundred years old,
and you're complaining that your knee hurts?
Well, what did you expect?"
The old man said, "Well, my other knee
is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
----------------
He should have used his cane and smacked the quack!
My father overdid it a bit with his hiking last Sunday and
tore the meniscus in his right knee. Medically it's not a
big deal, but it is very painful. If you see a soccer
player suddenly dance like a one-legged whirling dervish
and then fall down clasping his knee, that's from a torn
meniscus.
The meniscus is like a rubber washer in the knee,
cushioning the joint. A sudden twisting impact can tear a
little piece of that washer partially loose and makes it
press against some nerves. A sport doctor recognizes it
instantly and can reach into the knee with a tiny little
pipe and clip the torn piece like it was a hangnail on your
thumb. The pain is gone instantly and the patient can walk
as soon as the local anethetic wears off.
That's what they did with my dad and he's hiking again.
However, if it is not promptly fixed, the limping affects
the spine and leads to all kinds of expensive
complications.
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
Ending his sermon, a preacher announced that he would
preach
on Noah and the Ark on the following Sunday, and gave the
scriptural reference for the congregation to read ahead of
time.
A couple of boys noticed something interesting about the
placement of the story in the Bible. They slipped into the
church and glued two pages of the pulpit Bible together.
The next Sunday, the preacher got up to read his text.
"Noah took unto himself a wife," he began, "and she was"
- he turned the page to continue - "three hundred cubits
long,
fifty wide and thirty high."
He paused, scratched his head, turned the page back, read
it silently, and turned the page again. Then he looked up
at his congregation and said, "I've been reading this old
Bible for near fifty years, but there are some things in it
that are hard to believe."
____________________________________________________
Today, August 12 in
Today on August 12
1676 "King Phillip's War" came to an end with the killing
of Indian chief King Phillip. The war between the Indians
and the Europeans lasted for two years.
1851 Isaac Singer was issued a patent on the double-headed
sewing machine.
1865 Disinfectant was used for the first time during
surgery by Joseph Lister.
1877 Thomas Edison invented the phonograph and made the
first sound recording.
1898 The Spanish-American War was ended with the signing of
the peace protocol. The U.S. acquired Guam, Puerto Rico
and
the Philippines. Hawaii was also annexed.
1915 "Of Human Bondage" by William Somerset Maugham was
first published.
1918 Regular airmail service began between Washington, DC,
and New York City.
1939 "The Wizard of Oz" premiered in Oconomowoc, WI. Judy
Garland became famous for the movie's song "Somewhere Over
the Rainbow." The movie premiered in Hollywood on August
15th.
1953 The Soviet Union secretly tested its first hydrogen
bomb.
1960 The balloon satellite Echo One was launched by the
U.S. from Cape Canaveral, FL. It was the first
communications satellite.
1962 The Soviet Union launched Pavel Popovich into orbit.
Popovich and Andrian Nikolayev, who was launched a day
before, both landed on August 15.
1977 The space shuttle Enterprise passed its first solo
flight test.
1981 IBM unveiled its first PC.
1986 It was announced by NASA that they had selected a new
rocket design for the space shuttle. The move was made in
an effort at correcting the flaws that were believed to
have been responsible for the Challenger disaster.
1988 The movie "The Last Temptation of Christ" opened.
1992 The U.S., Canada, and Mexico announced that the North
American Free Trade Agreement had been created after 14
months of negotiations.
1993 U.S. President Clinton lifted the ban on rehiring air
traffic controllers that had been fired for going on strike
in 1981.
1998 Swiss banks agreed to pay $1.25 billion as restitution
to World War II Holocaust victims.
1999 Hang Thu Thi Ngyuen shot an arrow from a bow with her
feet on "Guinness World Records: Primetime" and hit a
target that was 16 feet and 5 inches away.
2000 The Russian nuclear submarine Kursk sank and its 118-
man crew died during naval exercises in the Barents Sea.
2004 The California Supreme Court voided the nearly 4,000
same-sex marriages that had been sanctioned in San
Francisco earlier in the year.
2008 Russia halted its five-day assault on Georgia.
2018 smiled.
|
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Saturday, August 11, 2018, 07:37 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, August 11
For the Perseid Meteor Shower look to the NortEast tonight,
if you don't have thick smoke. The meteors are just a
little bit brighter than the stars, but because they move
quite swiftly, you see them easily.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by
telling cops she’s a
‘clean, thoroughbred white girl’
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 11 in
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the
electric light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
When a person can no longer laugh at himself,
it is time for others to laugh at him.
--- Thomas Szasz,
I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long
as it is a language I don't understand.
--- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965)
I don't mind what language an opera is sung in so long as it is a language I don't understand.
--- Sir Edward Appleton (1892 - 1965)
To find yourself, think for yourself.
--- Socrates
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
THE THIRD BIGGEST LIE
Ann Landers challenged her readers to come up with the
world's third-biggest lie -- right after "The check is in
the mail" and "I'm from the government and I'm here to help
you."
Here is a sampling from the thousands she received:
"It's a good thing you came in today. We only have two
more in stock."
"Five pounds is nothing on a person of your height."
"You made it yourself? I never would have guessed."
"Of course I'll respect you in the morning."
"You don't look a day over 40."
"Dad, I need to move out of the dorm into an apartment of
my own so I can have some peace and quiet when I study."
"It's delicious, but I can't eat another bite."
"The new ownership won't affect you. The company will
remain the same."
"The puppy won't be any trouble, Mom. I promise I'll take
care of it myself."
"Your hair looks just fine."
"Put away the map. I know exactly how to get there."
"You don't need it in writing. You have my personal
guarantee."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32,
Bluffton,
South Carolina
Drunk driver tries to escape arrest by
telling cops she’s a
‘clean, thoroughbred white girl’
South Carolina police say a woman sped through a stop sign
doing 60 mph and was slurring her words when she allegedly
used her race as a reason she didn't belong in jail.
Lauren Elizabeth Cutshaw, 32, was charged with a number of
offenses, including drunken driving, speeding and marijuana
possession, after an early Saturday traffic stop in
Bluffton, South Carolina.
Police say a Breathalyzer test showed Cutshaw's blood-
alcohol level at 0.18 percent. A person is considered
impaired if their BAC is .08 percent or higher, according
to South Carolina law.
During the course of the arrest, Cutshaw gave a number of
reasons why she shouldn't be jailed, some of which were
used as evidence of her intoxication, according to police
records obtained by the Associated Press and the Island
Packet.
Among the statements Cutshaw made to police:
She is a "very clean, thoroughbred, white girl."
She was a cheerleader and in a sorority.
Her partner is a police officer.
She had good grades, was in the National Honor Society and
graduated from a "high accredited university."
At the police station, Cutshaw allegedly used her race and
cleanliness as a reason she didn't belong in jail. An
officer, who was also white, questioned why that would
matter.
Cutshaw reportedly replied, "You're a cop, you should know
what that means." She also said the officer should know her
meaning "based on the people that come in this room."
A dashcam video of the arrest shows Cutshaw begging not to
be jailed and calling herself a "pretty girl," according to
the New York Post. In the video she also expressed worry
that the arrest would "ruin her career.”
Cutshaw told police she drank two glasses of wine. When
asked how full the glasses of wine were, she reportedly
replied, "I mean I was celebrating my birthday."
During the arrest, police say they also found marijuana and
rolling papers in her car, and Cutshaw admitted she "may
have" smoked earlier.
The cops must have had a good laugh about the
"Thoroughbred Bimbo".
From: Frieda
Re: Empty subject mails
Dear Webby,
What's the story with mails that arrive without a subject
line? Years ago you showed me how to make a filter to dump
them with Mailwasher,
and that works fine on my work machine, but I am wondering
if I also need that on my home machine. So far I just
dumped those mails manually.
Frieda
Dear Frieda
"No Subject=No Intelligence" still holds true. You'll never
see anything intelligent in an email that arrives without a
subject, and you can use that filter as an IQ filter.
If the senders don't have a positive IQ number, their mail
won't waste your time.
For those who want to know how to make that IQ filter,
select "does not contain RegExpr"
and put \w into the value field.
The \w is a wildcard and stands for "any word character".
That filter is kinda sneaky. If the subject line has only
Chinese, Korean or Arab characters, then that mail gets
marked for dumping too, since I won't read it anyway.
Don't you pity the poor folks who don't have Mailwasher yet?
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
COMPANY B of the 11th Airborne Division stationed in
Germany was sent on a two-day march. The weather was cold
and rainy, and the roads soon turned to mud. The battalion
commander, a colonel, marched with the troops, first with
one group and then another. On this moonless night, most of
the men didn't recognize the colonel with his rain gear on
and military insignia covered up. One miserable private
leaned toward him and said, "Can you believe some idiots
actually make a career out of this?"
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
ONE DAY my son's fourth-grade class went on a field trip to
the Woods Hole, Mass., Coast Guard station. As a young
ensign guided the spirited nine- and ten-year-olds on the
tour, a fellow guardsman came up, slapped the ensign on the
back and said,
"I see they finally gave you your own command."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Saving Money on Tea
You can save money on tea by using the same tea bag
twice. Just set the tea bag aside and use it for your next
cup. It cuts the cost of your tea drinking habit in half.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
|
|
You never know what you might find when you start construction work or home renovation.
|
___________________________________________________
JOB SEEKERS FROM THE PAST
Julius Caesar:
My last job involved a lot of office politics and back
stabbing. I'd like to get away from all that.
Jesse James:
I can list among my experiences and skills: leadership,
extensive travel, logistical organization, intimate
understanding of firearms, and a knowledge of sescurity
measures at numerous banks.
Marie Antoinette:
My management style has been criticzed, but I'd like to
think of myself as a people person.
Joseph Guillotin:
I can give your company a head start on the competition.
Hamlet:
My position was eliminated in a hostsile takeover.
Lucrezia Borgia:
My greatest accomplishment? After I took over the
department, our competition just seemed to drop out
of sight one by one.
Pandora:
I can bring a lot to your company. I like discovering
new things.
Genghis Khan:
My primary talent is downsizing. On my last job I
downsized my staff, my organization, and the
populations of several countries.
Macbeth:
Would I go after my boss's job? Do I look like the kind
of guy who would knock of his boss for a promotion?
Lady Godiva:
What do you mean this isn't business casual?
Elvis:
My last boss and I...say, are you going to eat those fries?
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
"We have women in the military, but they don't put us in
the front lines.
They don't know if we can fight or if we can kill. I think
we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women
and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look
fat in those uniforms.'"
--- Elayne Boosler
____________________________________________________
Today, August 11 in
1860 The first successful silver mill in America began
operations. The mill was in Virginia City, NV.
1874 A patent for the sprinkler head was given to Harry S.
Parmelee.
1877 The two moons of Mars were discovered by Asaph Hall,
an American astronomer. He named them Phobos and Deimos.
1896 Harvey Hubbell received a patent for the electric
light bulb socket with a pull-chain switch.
1909 The American ship Arapahoe became the first to ever
use the SOS distress signal off the coast of Cape Hatteras,
NC.
1924 Newsreel pictures were taken of U.S. presidential
candidates for the first time.
1934 Alcatraz, in San Francisco Bay, received federal
prisoners for the first time.
1941 The Atlantic Charter was signed by U.S. President
Franklin Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston
Churchill.
1942 During World War II, Pierre Laval publicly announced
"the hour of liberation for France is the hour when Germany
wins the war."
1945 The Allies informed Japan that they would determine
Emperor Hirohito's future status after Japan's surrender.
1951 The first major league baseball game to be televised
in color was broadcast. The Brooklyn Dodgers defeated the
Boston Braves 8-1.
1954 Seven years of fighting came to an end in Indochina. A
formal peace was in place for the French and the Communist
Vietminh.
1962 Andrian Nikolayev, of the Soviet Union, was launched
on a 94-hour flight. He was the third Russian to go into
space.
1965 The U.S. conducted a second launch of "Surveyor-SD 2"
for a landing on the Moon surface test.
1975 The U.S. vetoed the proposed admission of North and
South Vietnam to the United Nations. The Security Council
had already refused to consider South Korea's application.
1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan was preparing for his
weekly radio broadcast when, during testing of the
microphone, the President said of the Soviet Union, "My
fellow Americans, I am pleased to tell you that I just
signed legislation that would outlaw Russia forever. We
begin bombing in five minutes."
1990 Egyptian and Moroccan troops joined U.S. forces in
Saudia Arabia to help protect from a possible Iraqi attack.
1991 The space shuttle Atlantis ended its nine-day journey
by landing safely.
1992 In Bloomington, MN, the Mall of America opened. It was
the largest shopping mall in the United States.
1994 A U.S. federal jury awarded $286.8 million to about
10,000 commercial fishermen for losses as a result of the
1989 Exxon Valdez oil spill.
1995 All U.S. nuclear tests were banned by President
Clinton.
1997 U.S. President Clinton made the first use of the line-
item veto approved by Congress, rejecting three items in
spending and tax bills.
1998 British Petroleum became No. 3 among oil companies
with the $49 billion purchase of Amoco. It was the largest
foreign takeover of a U.S. company.
2002 US Airways announced that it had filed for bankruptcy.
2003 Charles Taylor, President of Liberia, flew into exile
after ceding power to his vice president, Moses Blah.
2003 In Kabul, NATO took command of the 5,000-strong
peacekeeping force in Afghanistan.
2018 smiled.
|
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Friday, August 10, 2018, 07:45 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, August 10
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. The Hollywood Chamber of Commerce has decided
to permanently remove Donald Trump's star since they are
strictly a Mickey Mouse outfit,
and unhappy about the people electing Donald Trump instead
of Broom Hilda.
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Virginia man arrested for robbery
had 2 year old oddler son with him
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 10 in
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
|
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
|
People can have the Model T in any colour--
so long as it's black.
--- Henry Ford (1863 - 1947)
Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong
word. There are no exceptions to this rule.
--- Stephen King (1947 - )
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
Thanks to Rubye for this story:
Please excuse the rough language in the following
story... I would have deleted them, but the story
wouldn't be the same.
A young couple got married and went on their
honeymoon. When they got back, the bride
immediately called her mother.
"Well,"said her mother,"so how was the
honeymoon?"
Oh, mama," she replied, "the honeymoon was
wonderful! So romantic..."
Suddenly she burst out crying. "But, mama,
as soon as we returned, Sam started using
the most horrible language -- things I'd never
heard before!I mean, all these awful 4-letter
words! You've got to take me home...,
"PLEASE MAMA!"
"Sarah, Sarah," her mother said, "calm down!
You need to stay with your husband and work
this out. Now, tell me,
what could be so awful
WHAT 4-letter words?"
"Please don't make me tell you, mama," wept the
daughter, "I'm so embarrassed, they're just too
awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE!!"
"Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset.
Tell your mother these horrible 4-letter words!"
Sobbing, the bride said, "Oh, Mama..., he used words
like: dust, wash, iron, and cook..."
"Oy, what a schmuck! I'll pick you up in twenty minutes,"
said the mother.
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Lundy Wayne Riley, 29,
Newport News,
Virginia
Virginia man arrested for robbery
had 2 year old oddler son with him
A man has been charged after attempting a robbery with his
two-year-old son with him during the incident, according to
police.
On August 5 around 3:30 a.m., police were dispatched to the
All Auto Repairs shop located at 9412 Warwick Boulevard.
At the same time, units were across the street at the 7-
Eleven with a man in custody on attempted robbery charges.
The owner of the auto shop said he had had a burglary alarm
go off at his business and the front door had been smashed.
Police said their investigation revealed the man in custody
for robbery had attempted to burglarize the auto shop at 3
a.m.
Police said he also tried to take the 7-Eleven clerk's car
keys and assaulted a second person in an unsuccessful
attempt to take his car keys as well.
Police identified the man as 29-year-old Lundy Wayne Riley.
They said he had his two-year-old son with him during the
incidents. The young boy was not injured, police said.
Riley was charged with Attempted Robbery, Burglary and
Contributing to the Delinquency of a Minor.
From: Mindy
Re: Excite.com
Dear Webby,
What's with all this spam coming from excite.com?
Can't anything be done about it?
Mindy
Dear Mindy
Excite seems to be spammer friendly.
I simply trash all mail coming from excite.com,
right on the server, unseen by anybody, automatically.
If you don't have MailWasher, then
tell your ISP to block all mail coming from excite.com.
You never get any useful mail from an excite.com address
anyway.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked
whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do
over
again.
"Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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A teacher was giving a lesson on the blood circulation.
"If I stood on my head, then the blood, as you know, would
flow into my head and I would turn red in the face," she
explained.
"That's right," remarked one of the students.
"Then why doesn't the blood flow into my feet when I'm
standing upright in an ordinary position?"
shouted, "That's because your feet
are not empty!"
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Dirty Burner Rings
Remove the rings from the stove. Place a paper towel that
has been dampened with ammonia on top of each ring and
put them in a plastic bag. Tie closed and let it sit outside overnight. The next day, open the bag outside, then wash the rings with a mild dish soap.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
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The "Groom of Stool."Â The toilet duties of Dukes and Duchesses of England.
|
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An old lady had always wanted to travel abroad. Now that
she was getting on in years, she thought she would really
like to do so before she died.
But until now, she'd never even been out of the country. So
she began by going in person to the Passport Office and
asking how long it would take to have one issued.
"You must take the loyalty oath first," responded the
passport clerk. "Raise your right hand, please."
The old gal raised her right hand.
"Do you swear to defend the Constitution of the United
States against all its enemies, domestic or foreign?" was
the first question.
The little old lady's face paled and her voice trembled as
she asked in a small voice, "Uhhh . . . all by myself?"
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
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Are you interested in making $$$$ fast?
Here's an incredibly simple way to do it,
and there is nothing to buy,
no investment to make,
no money to lose!
Try it now!
Follow this simple procedure:
1) Hold down the shift key.
2) Hit the 4 key four times really quickly.
----------
Are you going to groan first, or forward it first?
____________________________________________________
Today, August 10 in
1792 King Louis XVI was taken into custody by mobs during
the French Revolution. He was executed the following
January after being put on trial for treason.
1809 Ecuador began its fight for independence from Spain.
1846 The Smithsonian Institution was chartered by the U.S.
Congress. The "Nation's Attic" was made possible by
$500,000 given by scientist Joseph Smithson.
1859 In Boston, MA, the first milk inspectors were
appointed.
1869 The motion picture projector was patented by O.B.
Brown.
1881 Thomas Edison's exhibit opened the Paris Electrical
Exhibition.
1885 The first electric streetcar, to be used commercially,
was operated in Baltimore, MD, by Leo Daft.
1914 Austria-Hungary invaded Russia.
1927 Mount Rushmore was formally dedicated. The individual
faces of the presidents were dedicated later.
1944 U.S. forces defeated the remaining Japanese resistance
on Guam.
1945 The day after the atomic bombing of Nagasaki, Japan
announced they would surrender. The only condition was that
the status of Emperor Hirohito would remain unchanged.
1947 William Odom completed an around-the-world flight. He
set the solo record by completing the flight in 73 hours
and 5 minutes.
1948 On ABC, "Candid Camera" made its TV debut. The
original title was "Candid Microphone."
1954 Construction began on the St. Lawrence Seaway.
1988 U.S. President Reagan signed a measure that provided
$20,000 payments to Japanese-Americans who were interned by
the U.S. government during World War II.
1994 U.S. President Clinton claimed presidential immunity
when he asked a federal judge to dismiss, at least for the
time being, a sexual harassment lawsuit filed by Paula
Corbin Jones.
1995 Norma McCorvey, "Jane Roe" of the 1973 U.S. Supreme
Court decision legalizing abortion, announced that she had
joined the anti-abortion group Operation Rescue.
1999 Near an India-Pakistan border area an Indian fighter
jet shot down a Pakistani naval aircraft. Sixteen people
were killed.
2003 Ekaterina Dmitriev and Russian cosmonaut Yuri
Malenchenko were married. Malenchenko was about 240 miles
above the earth in the international space station. It was
the first-ever marriage from space.
2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame. Donald Trump's star was permanetly removed
by the Hollywood Chamber of Commerce because he is not a
Communist / Socialist.
2018 smiled.
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Thursday, August 9, 2018, 11:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, August 9
Have FUN!
Dearwebby
Todays Bonehead Award:
Jacksonville man arrested for
molesting teen inside church
Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, August 9 in
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY.
More of today in history at HIstory
______________________________________________________
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If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter,
please donate what you can! |
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Genuine goodness is threatening to those at the opposite
end of the moral spectrum.
--- Charles Spencer
Don't discuss yourself, for you are bound to lose; if you
belittle yourself, you are believed; if you praise
yourself, you are disbelieved.
--- Michel de Montaigne (1533 - 1592)
____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
______________________________________________________
A rabbi is walking slowly down the street when a gust of
wind blows his hat from his head. The hat is being blown
down the street, but he is an old man, using a cane, and he
can't walk fast enough to catch the hat. Across the street
a young man sees what has happened ! and rushes over to
grab the hat and returns it to the rabbi.
"I don't think I would have been able to catch my hat,"
says the rabbi. "Thank you very much." The rabbi then
places his hand on the man's shoulder and says, "May God
bless you."
The young man thinks to himself, "I've been blessed by the
rabbi. This must be my lucky day!" So he goes to the
racetrack, and in the first race he sees there is a horse
named Stetson at 20 to 1. He bets $50, and sure enough, the
horse comes in first.
In the second race he sees a horse named Fedora at 30 to 1,
so he bets it all and this horse comes in first also.
Finally, at the end of the day, he returns home to his
wife. When she asks him where he's been, he explains how he
caught the rabbi's hat and was blessed by him and then went
to the track and started winning on horses that had a hat
in their names.
"So where's the money?" she asks.
"I lost it all in the ninth race. I bet on a horse named
Chateau and it lost."
"You fool, Chateau is a house; Chapeau is a hat!"
"It doesn't matter," he said. "The winner was some Japanese
horse named Yarmulke."
_____________________________________________________
______________________________________________________
_____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!
Thanks for your votes!
Robert Browning, 59,
Jacksonville,
Florida
Jacksonville man arrested for
molesting teen inside church
The Jacksonville Sheriff's Office announced the arrest of a
Jacksonville man for lewd or lascivious battery,
molestation and transmission of material harmful to minors.
Robert Browning, 59, is accused of having an inappropriate
relationship with a person under the age of 16.
According to the report from JSO, the minor and Browning
exchanged nude photographs.
The report said Browning and the victim engaged in
consensual oral sex and that Browning conducted lewd
molestation on the victim.
Text messages from the phones were retrieved, revealing
contestation about the relationship, the report said.
The incident is alleged to have occurred inside the Cedar
Creek Baptist Church in Jacksonville. Browning had worked
at the school and church for 6 years.
He has been fired.
The pastor, John Montgomery, said news of the arrest was a
"total shock."
“Out of all the people who we have hired, out of these many
many years, he would have been the last person that I would
have thought to have done something like this," Montgomery
said. "He never gave any appearance of this."
From: Tina
Re: Hidden phishing URLs in Outlook
Dear Webby,
I know you warned us about Outlook not showing dangerous
URLs and only the phony nicknames in spoofs and phishing
emails, but the boneheads at Telus are not competent enough
to support anything except Outlook and Outlook Express.
At one time, all they supported was Eudora, but those days
are as gone as cheap gas and my sexy looks.
Is there ANY way at all to trick Outlook into showing
whether for example the nickname "eBay.com" links to eBay
or to some crook in Russia or Romania?
Thanks
Tina
Dear Tina
I got a lot of mails like yours, and I spent a lot of time
searching. However, it seems that, when those programs were
written, making them "cute and bimbo-proof" was the top
and only priority. Nobody knows of a setting to make them
act like standard email programs.
However, I found a third party patch that will fix that
problem.
It is called Blue Fur Phish Finder and is available at
BuleFur Phish Phinder
However, if you are serious about eliminating all scams,
get Mail Washer.
It not only shows the secret underlying real email,
checks the content for malicious or phony stuff, and flags
it OK or ready to send to hell,
You can, of course, look over the recommended actions and
take the delete flag off a mail that was erroneously
flagged.
You can also make filters so that it dumps certain mails
without listing them. For example, if you are fed up with
Publishers Clearing House and never want to see their
emails again, then you make a filter to automatically dump
those mails, without showing them in the list.
The same goes for foreign spam. If you don't speak or read
Korean or Russian, you can block mails using those
languages or coming from those countries.
It is like an intellectual game, you and Mailwasher against
the scammers and spammers. It is pretty good already as is,
but as you customize it it gets more precise every time you
touch it.
Have FUN
DearWebby
Automatically move ALL your settings and programs.
No need to re-install them.
The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.
At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up
to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children
were sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leaned over
and said to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Sunday dress?"
The girl replied almost directly into the pastor's clip-on
mike,
"Yes . . and my mom says it's a summana-bitch to iron."
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked,
"What kinds of ice cream do you have?"
"Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she
spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue.
"You got laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically.
"Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and
strawberry."
____________________________________________________
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Makeshift Knife Sharpener
In a pinch, you can sharpen a knife on the bottom of a
ceramic coffee mug. Hold the blade at a slight angle
and sharpen it on the unglazed ring on the bottom of the
mug. It's not ideal, but it will work.
Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
____________________________________________________
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|
Five of the world's most fascinating small towns.
|
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Resolving to surprise her husband, an executive's wife
stopped by his office. She found him with his secretary
sitting in his lap.
Without hesitating, he dictated, "...and in conclusion,
gentlemen, shortage or no shortage, I cannot continue
to operate this office with just one chair that is safe to
use."
___________________________________________________
|
Ophelia Dingbatter's
NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just
jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
|
There was this party in the woods and all of a sudden there
was a downpour of thunder and rain.
These two young men ran for about 10 minutes in the pouring
rain, finally reaching their car just as the rain let up.
They jumped in the car, started it up and headed down the
road, laughing and, of course, still drinking one beer
after the other.
All of a sudden an old man's face appeared in the passenger
window and tapped lightly on the window!
The passenger screamed out, "eeeeekkk! Look at my window!!!
There's an old guy's face there!" (Was this a
ghost?!?!?!?)
This old man kept knocking, so the driver said "well open
the window a little and ask him what he wants!"
So the other passenger rolled his window down part way and
said, scared out of his wits, "What do you want???"
The old man sofly replied, "Do you have any tobacco?"
The passenger , terrified, looked at the driver and said,
"He wants tobacco!"
"Well give him a cigarette! HURRY!!" the driver replies.
So he fumbles around with the pack and hands the old man a
cigarette and yells "Step on it!!",
rolling up the window in terror. Now with the speedometer
showing about 80 miles an hour, they calm down and they
start laughing again, and the passenger says,
"What do you think of that?"
The driver says, "I don't know? How could that be? I am
going pretty fast?"
Then all of a sudden AGAIN there is a knock on the window
and there is the old man again.
"aaaaaaaaaaaaa, there he is again!", the passenger yells.
"Well, see what he wants now!" yells back the driver.
He rolls down the window a little ways and shakely says
"Yes?"
"Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asks.
He throws a lighter out the window at him and rolls
up the window and yells, "STEP ON IT!"
They are now doing about 100 miles an hour and still
guzzling beer, trying to forget what they had just seen
and heard, when all of a sudden again there is more
knocking!
"Oh my God! HE'S BACK!"
He rolls down the window and screams out in sheer terror,
"WHAT DO YOU WANT?"
The old man gently replies, "Do you guys want some help
getting out of the mud???"
____________________________________________________
Today, August 9 in
1790 The Columbia returned to Boston Harbor after a three-
year voyage. It was the first ship to carry the American
flag around the world.
1831 The first American steam locomotive began its
first trip between Schenectady and Albany, NY.
1842 The U.S. and Canada signed the Webster-Ashburton
Treaty, which solved a border dispute.
1848 Martin Van Buren was nominated for president by the
Free-Soil Party in Buffalo, NY.
1854 "Walden" was published by Henry David Thoreau.
1859 The escalator was patented by Nathan Ames.
1892 Thomas Edison received a patent for a two-way
telegraph.
1893 "Gut Holz" was published. It was America's first
bowling magazine.
1910 A.J. Fisher received a patent for the electric washing
machine.
1930 Betty Boop had her beginning in "Dizzy Dishes" created
by Max Fleischer.
1936 Jesse Owens won his fourth gold medal at the Berlin
Olympics. He was the first American to win four medals in
one Olympics.
1942 Mohandas K. Gandhi was arrested Britain. He was not
released until 1944.
1942 CBS radio debuted "Our Secret Weapon."
1944 The Forest Service and Wartime Advertising Council
created "Smokey the Bear."
1945 The U.S. dropped an atomic bomb on Nagasaki. The
bombing came three days after the bombing of Hiroshima.
About 74,000 people were killed. Conventional bombing of
Tokyo continued. Japan surrendered August 14.
1945 The first network television broadcast occurred in
Washington, DC. The program announced the bombing of
Nagasaki, Japan.
1956 The first statewide, state-supported educational
television network went on the air in Alabama.
1965 Singapore proclaimed its independence from the
Malaysian Federation.
1973 The U.S. Senate committee investigating the Watergate
affair filed suit against President Richard Nixon.
1974 U.S. PresidentRichard Nixon formally resigned. Gerald
R. Ford took his place, and became the 38th president of
the U.S.
1975 The New Orleans Superdome was officially opened when
the Saints played the Houston Oilers in exhibition
football. The new Superdome cost $163 million to build.
1988 Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) was traded. The trade
was at Gretzky's request. He was sent to the Los Angeles
Kings.
1996 Boris Yeltsin was sworn in as president of Russia for
the second time.
1999 Russian President Boris Yeltsin fired Prime Minister
Sergei Stepashin and his entire cabinet for the fourth time
in 17 months.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush announced he would
support federal funding for limited medical research on
embryonic stem cells.
2004 Donald Duck received the 2,257th star on the Hollywood
Walk of Fame.
2018 smiled.
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