Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 31/06:More Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 31, 2006
======================================

Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting
before you get tired.
-- Jules Renard

It took me fifteen years to discover that I had no talent
for writing, but I couldn't give it up,
because by that time I was too famous.
-- Robert Benchley

All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often.
-- Stanislaw J. Lec

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Their were three men in the hospital waiting room
anxiously expecting news any minute about the births of
their babies. The nurse comes up to the first man and
says I have great news. Your wife has just given birth to
twins.
The man exclaimed. " Well, that all right. I work for
Double Day."

The nurse goes to the second man and says,
"I have great news for you too. Your wife just gave birth
to triplets."
The man says, with great surprise,"Well that's all right.
I work for Triple A."

The nurse goes up to the third man. But before she could
say anything, he shouted,
"I'm out of here!  I work for Seven-Up!!

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A watermelon farmer was determined to scare off the local kids who went into his watermelon patch everynight and ate their fill. After some thought he posted a sign that read "WARNING! ONE OF THESE WATERMELONS HAS BEEN INJECTED WITH LAXATIVE!" The next night he smiled smugley as he watched the kids run off without eating any of his melons. A week later he was surveying his field and to his satisfaction,no melons were missing but a sign next to his read,"NOW THERE ARE TWO." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to US Customs Report sent in by Ross Evil Vegemite US customs question Aussie over Vegemite smuggling 24 October 2006 An Australian's accent was suspicious enough for US customs officials to question him about smuggling contraband. But, rather than drugs or guns, the officers were looking for the much-loved Australasian spread Vegemite, the Geelong Advertiser reported. "We thought they were joking but it was real," Australian Daniel Fogarty told the newspaper. The incident happened on the Canada/US border. "We went down to Montana and were crossing the border, they searched everybody's car as they do and after they searched asked if we were carrying any Vegemite." On this occasion, neither Mr Fogarty nor his partner, Sarah Egan, were carrying the banned substance. "We were completely shocked. Normally Sarah wouldn't travel far without Vegemite but for some reason we didn't have it." The vitamin-packed yeasty condiment was outlawed because it contains added folate. US laws state the B-group vitamin, which is used by the body to make new cells, can only be added to bread and cereals. --------------------------------- Vegemite is a bread spread like peanut butter, but made from yeasts. Just like Riboflavin (B2) is added to flour here, they add Folate (B2) to their food stuffs, including to Vegemite. It's a totally harmless, but very beneficial vitamin. Because it is such an essential vitamin, there is lots of info about folate on the web, for example http://ohioline.osu.edu/hyg-fact/5000/5553.html However, somebody in the US figured that if Vegemite catches on in the US, it would quickly wipe out the peanut butter industry in a certain senator's riding. Therefore Vegemite was placed somewhere between cocaine and heroin and banned. Absolutely nothing to do with any health issues. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Practising to become a real bonehead =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Three preachers sat discussing the best positions for prayer while a telephone repairman worked nearby. "Kneeling is definitely best," claimed one. "No," another contended. "I get the best results standing with my hands outstretched to Heaven." "You're both wrong," the third insisted. "The most effective prayer position is lying prostrate, face down on the floor." The repairman could contain himself no longer. "Hey, fellas, " he interrupted, "the best prayin' I ever did was hangin' by my climbing spurs upside down from a telephone pole." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "and it sure is cozy in there with the TV repairman!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: More Norton problems Dear Webby: i couldnot get ahold of norton. so i bought another norton. walmart dosent carry mcaffy. so i had to get another norton i guess i'm stuck with it.Grrrrr. i did find out that Defender only works on xp hpme and 2000. only just incase your readers want to know. as for me i donot like it. thanks anyway. wish me luck. Dear Rheta I find it amazing that you bought Norton again, after their support refused to talk to you. A local computer fixer can exorcise your machine in half an hour. The reason McAfee is not at Walmart is because it is sold on-line. http://mcafee.com No need to go to Walmart and buy a stale copy that is half a year out of date. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Manny was almost 29 years old. Most of his friends had already gotten married, and Manny just bounced from one relationship to the next. Finally a friend asked him, "What's the matter, are you looking for the perfect woman? Are you THAT particular? Can't you find anyone who suits you?" "No," Manny replied. "I meet a lot of nice girls, but as soon as I bring them home to meet my parents, my mother doesn't like them. So I keep on looking!" "Listen," his friend suggested, "Why don't you find a girl who's just like your dear ole Mother?" Many weeks past before Manny and his friend got together again. "So Manny. Did you find the perfect girl yet. One that's just like your Mother?" Manny shrugged his shoulders, "Yes I found one just like Mom. My mother loved her, they became great friends." "Excellent!!! So,.... Are you and this girl engaged, yet?" "I'm afraid not. My Father can't stand her!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - Juneau, Alaska - AP Elaine and Jim Canary thought for sure they would never again see her diamond wedding ring, lost on a business trip. She noticed the ring was missing Oct. 14, 2004, when standing in line at a coffee shop. "I was devastated," she said. A subsequent and frantic search of the couple's hotel room didn't produce the ring. Then, two weeks ago, just shy of the two-year anniversary of losing the ring, they got a call from the coffee house owner in Petersburg. The ring had been found when an old Pepsi cooler was moved to make room for a pastry case. Canary surmises she put the ring in her pocket to put on lotion and forgot about it. Then, while standing in line, the ring probably fell out when she reached in her pocket. She wasn't the only one surprised. "The insurance company was completely shocked as well," Canary said. "They said rings are never found; they were surprised I reported it, too." This wasn't the first time she felt anguish over a lost wedding ring. "I did lose our first ring. My husband said he is going to start buying them by the dozen," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Boosting Leftovers Get more servings out of leftovers by adding more ingredients. For example, if you have some leftover vegetable soup, but only enough for a couple servings, add some chicken broth and a can of vegetables or tomatoes. Another thing you can do is combine leftovers; leftover sauces can be used in casseroles, leftover rice can be used in casseroles and soup, left over meat and can used in numerous dishes, etc. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Overheard at a Computer Store: "I want a game capable of holding the interest of my six-year-old, but it's got to be simple enough so that his father can play it, too." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== View from the office. Wind is blowing powder snow off the mountains. The sun has long set, but is lighting up the drifing snow from behind.
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Kopy cat Recipes http://www.copykat.com/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 30/06: Norton Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 30, 2006
======================================

Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right.
-- Arthur Schopenhauer

Liberty means responsibility.
That is why most men dread it.
-- George Bernard Shaw

The very purpose of existence is to reconcile the glowing
opinion we have of ourselves with the appalling things
that other people think about us.
-- Quentin Crisp

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

While traveling through Wyoming one winter day, I was experiencing
what's called a horizontal blizzard. The snow that had fallen the day
before was blowing across the road.

When I stopped for fuel, I remarked on the condition to a man at the
gas station. He obviously was a local who had seen a lot of winters.

"Yeah," he said, nodding. We don't get much snow, but what we do get,
we use a lot."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I was in the backyard hanging the laundry when an old, tired looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap. " The next day the dog arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with 10 children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep. Wish it was that easy for me!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mohamed Zubair, 37 of Piscataway, NJ Robbed himself Bridgewater, N.J. - AP A man who didn't want to tell his wife he couldn't pay the mortgage lied that he had been robbed, Bridgewater police said. Police said Mohamed Mohamed Zubair told them an armed man took $4,000 from him outside a bank on Tuesday. Police issued an alert for a suspect based on the description given by the alleged victim. Police reviewed the bank's surveillance videotape and said it showed the Piscataway resident, but no robber. The 37-year-old is charged with third-degree false reporting of a crime. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this Halloween greeting: (I think the picture shows her aunt Maxine) =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Two guys are walking down the street and one is telling the other how he hates Slobovians, but when they turn the corner there is an Slobovian organ grinder with a little monkey holding a tin cup. The guy who hates Slobovians puts some coins in the monkey's cup. When they walk away his friend says, "I thought you hated Slobovians yet you gave him money?" And he answers, "Yes, but they are so cute when they are little." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A man is at Grand Central Station waiting for his train that leaves at 6 p.m., but he has forgotten his watch. So he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots a guy carrying two suitcases and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he asks him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which country?" The fella asks, "How many countries have you got?" to which the man replies, "All the countries in the world!" "Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there." "That's nothing," the man says. "This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!" "Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. You wouldn't consider selling it by any chance?" "Well, actually the novelty has worn off for me, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours." The watchless traveler can hardly whip out his checkbook fast enough to hand over a check for $900. The seller takes off the watch and gives it to him. "Congratulations, here is you new hi-tech watch." Then, handing the two suitcases over as well, he says, "And here are the batteries." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: Norton and Defender Dear webby: i may have a big problem. my norton antivirus was runing out. and i had heard that norton dosent really catch everything. so i bought Defender pro 15 in 1. i thought i had uninstalled norton. befor i installed Defender. when i tried to install the anti virus it says norton is still installed on my computer and i canot run the new one now what do i do? i just got a message pop up saying. surrent securrity. attention on sunday 29. 06 an Lovesanattack was dected on my machine..... Rheta Dear Rheta That is one of the reasons I, and most techs, don't like Norton. It is often nearly impossible to get a complete and clean un-install. I have no idea if Defender is a solution or a problem. All I use is McAfee VirusScan and McAfee fire-wall. Since McAfee works just fine, I have never spent any time checking out alternatives. I have used VirusScan since the 80's, when it came on a 360 KB 5 1/4" floppy. My only virus related activity is telling McAfee every 5 years what the new expiry date on my VISA for the auto-renewal is. Try contacting Norton and ask them how to get a clean un-install. Then you can try that Defender and see if it helps or makes things worse. Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. After an hour long wait, it finally took off. A concerned passenger asked the flight attendant, "What was the problem?" "The pilot was bothered by a noise he heard in the engine," she explained. "Oh, and it took a while to fix it," said the passenger. "Not exactly." replied the stewardess, "It just took us a bit to find a deaf pilot." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - London - AP A group of school children helped foil an attempted armored van robbery by memorizing the getaway car's registration plate in a school yard chant, police said Wednesday. A passer-by who spotted the car, but feared she would forget the plate number so she asked a group of children to memorize it, police in the northern city of Liverpool said. The group of nine and 10-year-olds remembered the registration details by turning the numbers into a chant, before a classmate arrived with a pen. The three thieves were traced and arrested within 40 minutes, police said. ''The lady did not have a pen or paper on her so went over to the children and repeated the license plate number to them,'' said a spokeswoman for Merseyside Police, speaking on condition of anonymity in line with force policy. ''The children sang the song in a chant to help remember it, while one of them ran into the school for a pen.''
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Warning About Storing Garlic Cloves In Oil There is a common kitchen tip that says to store peeled garlic cloves in oil, unfortunately, botulism can develop when garlic is stored in this manner, especially if it is stored at room temperature. The garlic and oil should be used immediately or stored in the refrigerator for no more than a week. It's a handy tip but not worth the health risk. http://www.hc-sc.gc.ca/iyh-vsv/food-ali ... ail_e.html Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A young lady came home from a date, rather sad. She told her mother, "Jeff proposed to me an hour ago." "Then why are you so sad?" her mother asked. "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell." Her mother replied, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby Here's a nice 50s site: http://oldfortyfives.com/TakeMeBackToTheFifties.htm Jackee
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: All about Candy http://www.candyusa.org/Candy/default.asp
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 29/06: Juke Box Site 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 29, 2006
======================================

Setting a good example for children takes all the fun
out of middle age.
-- William Feather

Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them.
-- Suzanne Necker

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

An Amish man answered a knock on his door one morning.
An electric company worker handed him a piece of paper
stating that the electric company would like to run a power
line through his cow pasture.

The Amish man said, "No, no you can not."

"Legally, that paper says we can." replied the gruff worker.

As he turned and left returning to his co-workers in the field,
the Amish man went to his barn and turned his bulls into the
pasture.

As the 1200 pound bulls rumbled toward the workers in the
field, the Amish farmer hollered, "Show them your paper!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Walter the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this report: The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even" A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great fire of 1666. Also, the French government announced yesterday that it has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide." The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and "Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively paralyzing the country's military capability. It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from "Shout Loudly and Excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing." Two more levels remain: "Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides." The Germans also increased their alert state from "Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching Songs." They also have two higher levels: "Invade a Neighbor" and "Lose." Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual, and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling out of Brussels. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 50 year old British tourist in Australia Lost again Sydney, Australia - AP A 50-year-old British tourist was rescued by police for the second time in just over a week Tuesday after twice getting lost in Australia's rugged outback. The man, whose identity was not released, sparked a major air and ground search last Tuesday after he called police from his cellphone and told them he had become lost while hiking in a national park north of Alice Springs. He was found and taken to a hospital, where he was treated for sunburn and dehydration. On Tuesday, the man again called police from his mobile phone to say he was lost in roughly the same area, Northern Territory police said in a statement. Police mounted another search involving three helicopters and a ground crew and eventually found the man five hours later. He was taken to a hospital, where he underwent a medical assessment and was treated for dehydration, the statement s aid. =========================================== =========================================== =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== THE REPAIR shop sign read: We do three kinds of jobs—cheap, quick and good. You can have any two: • A good, quick job—won’t be cheap. • A good job, cheap—won’t be quick. • A cheap job, quick—won’t be good. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A guy stood over his tee shot for what seemed an eternity; looking up, looking down, measuring the distance, figuring the wind direction and speed. Driving his partner nuts. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball!" The guy answers, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man! You don't stand a chance of hitting her from here!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randall Re: Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Why does the COFI jukebox no longer work? Dear Randall A lot of people wrote about that during the last week. Too many to answer all individually. Sites like that depend on donations to pay the file transfer costs. I realize that some people suffer from the insane delusion that the Internet is free, and that somebody else should pay for their fun. Well, it does not work that way. That PlayaCofi site has a Donation button there, and they expect at least one out of a thousand visitors to make a little donation to help with the file transfer costs. They donated a lot of work putting that nice collection together, but when tens of thousands of people listen all day and nobody makes any donation, they can't afford to keep that part of the site open to the general public. That site is in Puerto Rico, where wages are very low. They can't afford to pay for your listening pleasure forever. Make a donation, encourage your friends, whom you gave the link, to make donations, and follow it up with a nice letter to sitemaintenance@tropicalglen.com . The Donation button is at the jukebox site at http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1956Top/player.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists has been operating in Merseyside, Liverpool. Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 have been detained. The Merseyside Regional Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 23, 2006 - New York - Happy News Addressing the continuing decline of physical education programs in many of America's schools and diminishing amount of exercise among today's children, the National Football League and American Heart Association today announced the launch of the What Moves U national program. The awareness campaign which includes a unique curriculum supplement is designed to incorporate physical activity in classroom lessons and encourage physical activity to an increasingly inactive generation of children. New York Giants quarterback Eli Manning, American Heart Association Chairman Andy Buroker, and teachers from Manhattan's Adolph S. Ochs School and Academy launched the program this morning by demonstrating how the program can work in any classroom setting. What Moves U includes several key elements: an in-school activity kit created for teachers, by teachers, which includes curriculum-based activity sheets, program-specific learning materials and in-school promotional materials; and, an interactive fitness website for children. The initiative is supported by a national media campaign including television, radio, print, and movie cinema PSAs. NFL teams and American Heart Association affiliates are working together to reach kids in local communities nationwide.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Cutting Boards for Meat When cutting meat, use a plastic cutting board instead of a wood one. It is much easier to clean bacteria from a plastic cutting board than it is from wood, which will also need to be reseasoned after cleaning. After using a cutting board for meat, wash it well (or wash it in the dishwasher) before using it again to avoid transfering bacteria to other food items. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com When your plastic cutting board gets too marked up from sharp knifes, you can scrape it with a long straight butcher knife or a wide putty knife or spatula that has been square trimmed for scraping. To square trim a putty knife, clamp a file into a vise or a partially opend drawer, and rub the putty knife at a right angle to the file against the serrations. Instead of a thin knife type edge, you will get a flat edge with very sharp corners. A square trimmed putty knife also works very well for scraping glue or paint off a desk or for preparing furniture for painting. You can trim a fuzzy cutting board to smooth as new very quickly with a square trimmed putty knife. Hold it at nearly right angle to the board and PULL it towards you. Never push it, just scrape towards you. If there are deep cuts, turn the board after a few scrapes so that you are scraping in a different direction. That helps to avoid low spots. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
After the birth of their child, an Episcopal priest, wearing his clerical collar, visited his wife in the hospital. He greeted her with a hug and a kiss, and gave her another hug and kiss when he left. Later, the wife's roommate commented: "Your pastor is sure friendlier than mine." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, you have been advertising MailWasher for a few years now. Do you use it yourself, and is it any good? Bobbie Dear Bobbie Yes, of course I use it. I don't advertise it because I get about the price of a coffee every time somebody buys it after clicking on the link. I recommend it because it drastically reduces the junkmail related help requests. These days I get around 2800 pieces of mail per day. MailWasher reduces that to the 200 that I need to see and answer. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 28/06: More on emailing to SMS cell phones 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 28, 2006
======================================

A person is never happy except at the price of some
ignorance.
-- Anatole France

When I am abroad, I always make it a rule never to criticize
or attack the government of my own country. I make up for
lost time when I come home.
-- Sir Winston Churchill

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The Master of the house is comfortably installed in an armchair
in the library, reading a newspaper.

Suddenly, James, his butler, rips the door open and shouts,
"Sir, the Thames is flooding the streets!"

The Master looks up calmly from the newspaper and says,
"James, please.  I have already told you.  If you do have
something important to tell me, first knock on the door,
then enter and inform me of the issue, in a quiet and
civilized manner.  Now please, do so."

James apologizes and closes the door behind him.  Three
seconds later, the Master hears a knock on the door.

"Yes?"

James partially enters the room, and with a wide gesture,
makes an invitation as for somebody on the outside to enter,
then says, "Sir, the Thames."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Little Susan was mother's helper. She helped clean the house and set the table when company was due for dinner. Everything was ready when the guests arrived, and they were seated at the table. Susan's mother noticed something was missing and said, "Susan, why didn't you put a knife and fork at Mr. Thompson's place." Little Susan explained frankly, "I thought he wouldn't need them, because Daddy says he always eats like a horse." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gareth Edwards, 47, in Grays, Essex, England Too dumb for a mug shot October 25, 2006 - UK - Ananova A family had to scrap a £3,000 holiday after their youngest daughter's passport photograph was rejected - because she was smiling. Gareth and Lesley Edwards saved for months to go to Cyprus with children Megan, ten, and Alys, nine, reports the Sun. But the night before they were due to fly out, Lesley, 46, realised she was the only one with a valid passport. Travel agents booked them on to a flight a few days later and the family quickly filled out passport application forms and had photos taken. But when he reached the Passport Office, in Peterborough, officials said their machine would not accept Alys's photograph. Lesley said: "They told Gareth that because Alys's teeth were clearly visible the photograph was not acceptable." Gareth, 47, got another picture of Alys taken and rushed it to Peterborough from their home in Grays, Essex, but got there too late. A Home Office spokesman said: "The new biometric passports carry a scan of the holder's face. In this instance the machine which takes the biometric image would have rejected the girl's photo because her mouth was open." ------------------------------------- The instructions for passport pictures are quite clear: A non-smiling, close-mouthed mug shot with mouth, nose, eyes and half the forehead not obscured by hair or clothing. No exceptions. Arguments only cause delays. Those rules go back many years, long before the biometric passports were agreed on by the International community. =========================================== =========================================== Let's do it again! =========================================== LazyBones Software Packs =========================================== Grampa was telling his youngest grandson about his terrifying experience with cannibals. "There I was, lost in the middle of the jungle, surrounded by twenty hungry cannibals." His grandson said, "But last time you told me, there were only ten hungry cannibals." And Grampa said, "Ah, but you were too young then, to know the whole horrible truth!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When the type on a man's printer begins to grow faint, he calls a local repair shop where a friendly man informs him that the printer probably only needs to be cleaned. "We charge $50 to clean a printer," he says, "so you might be better off reading the manual and doing the job yourself." Surprised by the clerk's candor, the man asks, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?" "Actually, it's my boss's idea," the clerk replies sheepishly. "We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: DJ Re: More about mail to cell phones I know how really fond you are of AOL, Webby . . . but Daniel can also use AOL Instant Messenger (AIM) to send text messages to cell phones. For sending to numbers in the U.S. you simply add plus one before the area code and number as in "+11234567890. You can use Setup-->Buddy List Setup--> Add Mobile to list your often called numbers. Love all your tech tips as well as the humor. Nice to be able to return the favor sometimes . . . dj Dear DJ AOL has improved considerably since spring, and I have not complained about AOL for a long time. Currently AOL is much more reliable and respectable than for example Shaw.ca Currently Shaw, while good for connectivity, seems to be trying to disgust their victims enough, so that they upgrade their emails to at least AOL. If you don't have AOL, or want to email to an SMS phone outside the US, and don't want to use the free Teleflip, there is a fair bit of info at SMS411.com: http://www.sms411.net/2006/07/how-to-se ... phone.html Have FUN! DearWebby ==========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "Yes, same as usual. I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 25, 2006 - Kansas City, Kansas - IBS A man who quit high school to enlist in the Navy and fight in World War II received his high school diploma on Tuesday. Wyandotte High School in Kansas City presented the diploma to Richard Rodriguez 62 years after he was supposed to graduate. The event was a surprise to Rodriguez, who thought he was attending a ceremony where his son would be honored. "This is a big surprise. I didn't know what to think about -- they never told me," Rodriguez said. He said the main reason he enlisted in the Navy was to protect his older brother who was already serving overseas. "Well, I wanted to get him home to the family again. The only way to do that was to make the Navy bigger," Rodriguez said. When the war ended, Rodriguez and his brother returned home. "My mom was very, very, happy," he said. Since his return, Rodriguez and his wife, Rita, have raised three children, but he said he has never forgotten his days as a young sailor. "You feel proud because you've accomplished something and you helped freedom and we're still, even today, looking forward to freedom everywhere," he said. Last summer, Rodriguez's son contacted the school district and the Navy so his father could receive his diploma. The event was coordinated by the Kansas Commission on Veterans' Affairs.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Plants From Slugs Cut old metal window screens into 1x1 squares. Then cut a hole in the center of the square and put it on the ground around the plant. Slugs don't like to slither across window screens. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
GROAN ALERT! One day in the forest, three animals were discussing who among them was the most powerful. "I am," said the hawk, "because I can fly and swoop down swiftly at my prey." "That's nothing," said the mountain lion, "I am not only fleet, but I have powerful teeth and claws." "I am the most powerful," said the skunk, "because with a flick of my tail, I can drive off the two of you." Just then a huge grizzly bear lumbered out of the forest and settled the debate by eating them all. . . . hawk, lion, and stinker. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby I want to tell you that I really appreciate all the work you put into the Humor Letter. The tip about emailing to cellphones is fantastic! Now, I could only get my wife to stop calling back and using up 10 minutes to tell me that she received the forgotten grocery list..... Arthur
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 27/06: Emailing Cellphones 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 27, 2006
======================================

There are more fools in the world than there are people.
-- Heinrich Heine

When two men in business always agree,
one of them is unnecessary.
-- William Wrigley Jr.

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
Two Swedes from Wisconsin are sittin' in a boat on
Dead Lake , fishing and suckin' down beer, when all of a
sudden Sven says, "I tink I'm going to divorce my wife.
She hasn't spoken to me in over six mont."

Ole sips his beer and says, "You better tink it over.
Women like tat are hard to find."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I figured that at age seven it was inevitable for my son to begin having doubts about Santa Claus. Sure enough, one day he said, "Mom, I know something about Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny, and the Tooth Fairy." Taking a deep breath, I asked him, "What is that?" He replied, "They're all nocturnal." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scotlands prison service Vacation from prison October 23, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman More than 300 criminals, including a man who killed his baby sons, are to be released from prison for Christmas leave, it was revealed yesterday. Among the convicts scheduled for home leave is Ian Metcalfe, jailed for killing his two sons, 11-week-old Kyle in 1988 and Dylan, five months, in 1996. Both were in the care of Dumfries and Galloway Council. Also slated for holiday leave are a Loyalist terrorist, an armed robber, a racist fire-bomber and a drugs baron. About 150 prisoners will be released temporarily from the open prison Noranside, in Angus, and a further 150 from Castle Huntly, near Dundee. Last night, Kenny MacAskill, the SNP justice spokesman at Holyrood, said: "This calls the very point of open prisons into question. Society has deemed that these people should be punished. They are not being punished, by not locking them up or through community service, over the festive period." The news came shortly after a court heard how a prisoner allowed home on leave last Christmas tried to kill a man in an attack with a hammer. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Ross for this picture: Cheap rope ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The family had finally gotten their first dishwasher. The father liked to inspect every new thing that cam into the house, so he stayed in the kitchen and watched the display count down all forty-four minutes of the dishwashing cycle. Suddenly he called out for his wife, shouting, "It's useless, the dishwasher is useless!" The wife was amazed that the newest appliance could be broken after only one use, but he insisted that because they had a water softener, the dishwasher was useless. She decided to look for herself, and there it was, on the inside door, next to the detergent dispenser: USE LESS WITH SOFT WATER ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife Sarah announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "It certainly wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were two of the best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel while we were on vacation." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Daniel Re: emailing to phones hello my friend, another question. i stumbled onto a program that allows a person to send an email from your desk top to a cell phone equipped with a screen.naturally i forgot where i found it, but i do know it works because i emailed my sister-in-law. would you happen to know the program name? thanks, daniel, Dear Daniel If you know the email address of the recipient's phone, for example 123-456-7890@vtext.com (a Verizon number) then you can use almost any email program except incrediail. If you don't know what carrier the phone user is using, and the person you are calling is in Canda or the US, then you can use Teleflip from http://teleflip.com The first 100 messages per month are free. If you want to send more, then you got to pay. For other countries you will have to find out the phone's email address. Not the phone owner's. Each phone has it's own email address. SMS phone users usually get that when they sign up, or if they forget it, can get it with one quick call. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation... ... "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes violin solo!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Sheboygan, Wisconsin - Kids Wish Network Born with a condition known as spina bifida, 13-year-old MeKenzi of Sheboygan recently experienced an exciting dream vacation to Hawaii thanks to Kids Wish Network, an organization that grants wishes to children with life- threatening illnesses. Confined to a wheelchair, there are many things that MeKenzi is unable to do. However, nothing stopped this extraordinary girl during her trip to Honolulu, where she even hit the water for some surfing lessons! With her wheelchair abandoned back on the beach with her parents and under the watchful eye of her instructor, MeKenzi steadied herself firmly on top of her surfboard. She was not fazed in the least by the rolling Pacific waves and she wore a grin from ear to ear as the water splashed against her face. Her father, Douglas, however, was terrified. But all he could hear over the roar of the ocean was MeKenzi's voice yelling, "I want to do it again! I want to do it again!" Watching his daughter struggle daily with her mobility was tremendously difficult; seeing her out there, surfing in the Pacific Ocean, made his heart swell.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gopherproof Flower Beds You can create a gopherproof flower bed by digging down about 18 inches and lining the bottom and sides of the bed with screens (old window screens work well) or avery mesh. Then replace the dirt and plant the flower bed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this Halloween story: Two nuns, Sister Margaret and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little evil looking Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield. "Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Margaret. "What shall we do"? "Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "What shall I do now?"she shouts? "Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen. Sister Margaret turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns. "Now what?" shouts Sister Margaret? "Show him your cross," says Sister Helen. "ALRIGHT NOW YOU'RE TALKIN'," says Sister Margaret. She opens the window sticks her head out and screams: "YOU &@#$%@, GET THE F**** OFF MY CAR !!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== If we had more mothers like Susan, the world would be a better place. NOBODY wants to take responsibility for their actions anymore. I had a fender bender the other day, first one in 35 years. I admitted it was my fault, the cop was aghast. Have a great day, Bill
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 26/06: XP Emergency shutdown 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 26, 2006
======================================

It often requires more courage to dare to do right
than to fear to do wrong.
-- Abraham Lincoln

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to
the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested,
but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin
and go to bed, and there was no need for his good time to
be spoiled by not going. So he took his costume and away
he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, awakened
without pain; and, as it was still early, decided to go to the
party after all. In as much as her husband didn't know what
costume she'd be wearing, she thought she'd have some
fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when
she wasn't around.

She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting
around on the dance floor, dancing with every chick he could,
getting a little kiss here and a warm squeeze there. His wife
went up to him, and being rather seductive herself, he left
his current partner high and dry and devoted his time to
this new babe who had just arrived.

She let him do whatever he wished, naturally, since he was
her husband. Finally he whispered a little proposition in
her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars
and they did it all! Zowie! Just before unmasking at midnight,
she slipped away and went home, put the costume away
and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he
would have for his behavior.

She was sitting up reading when he came in. She asked
how the evening had been?

He said "Oh, the same old thing. You know, I never have a
good time when you're not there."

Then she asked, "Did you dance much?"
He replied, "You know, I didn't dance even one dance.
When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other
guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.

But I'll tell you...from what I heard, the guy I loaned my
costume to sure had a real good time!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Connie for this advice: Ski season will be here soon! Hence, the following list of exercises to get you prepared: 16. Visit your local butcher and pay $30 to sit in the walk- in freezer for a half an hour. Afterwards, burn two $50 dollar bills to warm up. 15. Soak your gloves and store them in the freezer after every use. 14. Fasten a small, wide rubber band around the top half of your head before you go to bed each night. 13. If you wear glasses, begin wearing them with glue smeared on the lenses. 12. Throw away a hundred dollar bill-now. 11. Find the nearest ice rink and walk across the ice 20 times in your ski boots, carrying two pairs of skis, accessory bag and poles. Pretend you are looking for your car. Sporadically drop things. 10. Place a small but angular pebble in your shoes, line them with crushed ice, and then tighten a C-clamp around your toes. 9. Buy a new pair of gloves and immediately throw one away. 8. Secure one of your ankles to a fire hydrant and ask a friend to run into you at high speed. With a bike. 7. Go to McDonald's and insist on paying $8.50 for a hamburger. Be sure you are in the longest line. 6. Clip a lift ticket to the zipper of your jacket and ride a motorcycle fast enough to make the ticket lacerate your face. 5. Drive slowly for five hours - anywhere - as long as it's in a snowstorm and you're following an 18-wheeler. 4. Fill a blender with ice, hit the pulse button and let the spray blast your face. Leave the ice on your face until it melts. Let it drip into your clothes. 3. Dress up in as many clothes as you can and then proceed to take them off because you have to go to the bathroom. 2. Slam your thumb in a car door. Don't go see a doctor. 1. Repeat all of the above every Saturday and Sunday until it's time for the real thing! ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Suliko Gelashvili in St Augustine, Florida Disposed backpack October 18, 2006- St. Augustine, Florida - AP A man is in jail for telling workers at a St. Augustine Wal-Mart that he had a bomb in his backback. According to the arrest report, Suliko Gelashvili told deputies he was joking with the clerks when he told them he had a bomb in the bag and placed it on the counter Tuesday. He then went off into the store and brought back some items to buy. Deputies quickly arrived and took him into custody. The bomb squad blew up the bag but found nothing harmful inside. He was charged with felony placing of a hoax bomb and won't be shopping for a while. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dave for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A cute young woman is giving a man in the barbershop a manicure. The man says, "How about a date later?" "I'm married," she answers. With a wink he says, "So, just tell him you're going out with your girlfriends." "Tell him yourself," she says. "He's shaving you." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Sunday school teacher was teaching her class about the difference between right and wrong. "All right children, let's take another example," she said. "If I were to get into a man's pocket and take his billfold with all his money, what would I be?" Little Jenny raises her hand, and with a confident smile, she blurts out, "You'd be his wife!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Emergency Shutdown of XP-SP3 XP-SP3 took out some old bugs and put in some new ones. Expect some minor surprises. One that I noticed is that the task manager, that you get by hitting CTRL ALT DEL, and which you can use to shut down a stuck program, is not always behaving in the familiar way. If you can't use it to shut down a stuck program and can't even use the keyboard any more, try this: Hit the Windows key and R It opens the command line and now the keyboard lets you type again, at least in that command line. Type: shutdown -r Now Windows will shut down one program at a time, but it will prompt you to save unsaved files. Save them. Once the program by program shutdown gets past the program that caused the trouble, you can cancel the shut-down, or you can let it complete. Best is to let it complete and do a reboot. Then run Crap Cleaner to clean up the mess left behind during the emergency shut-down. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Thanks to Mary-Beth for this story: Here in the Kentucky hills, you don't see too many people hang-gliding. Ol' Zeek decided to save up and get a hang-glider. He takes it to the highest mountain, and after struggling to the top, he gets ready to take flight. He takes off running and reaches the edge and into the wind he goes! Meanwhile, Maw & Paw Abner were sittin' on the porch swing, talkin 'bout the good ol' days when maw spots the biggest bird she has ever seen! "Look at the size of that bird, Paw!" she exclaims. Paw raises up, "Git mah gun, Maw." Maw runs into the house, brings out his pump action shotgun. He takes careful aim. BANG...BANG.....BANG.....BANG! The monster size bird continues to sail silently over the tree tops. "I think ya missed him, Paw," she says. "Yeah," he replies, "but at least he let go of ol' Zeek!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 12, 2006 - Johnson City, Tennessee - AP A woman's pet parrot flew away from her in Johnson City and turned up hundreds of miles away in Long Island, N.Y., despite being a weak flyer. Kim Kendrick lost her 47-year-old Amazon parrot Buzzy nearly two months ago while walking with him outside. But she got an unexpected phone call Tuesday from a New Yorker named Josh Ruderman, who said he had found Buzzy. "When I heard he was in New York I was skeptical at first," Kendrick said. "But then I talked with Buzzy on the phone and Josh sent me photos and it's no doubt that it's him." The bird didn't fly to New York. Ruderman had been visiting East Tennessee for two months and found Buzzy in Johnson City four days after Kendrick lost him on Aug. 14. Ruderman said he searched the papers during the last three weeks of his visit, but could not find Buzzy's owner. So Ruderman took him home to Long Island. Ruderman finally found Buzzy's grateful owner after reading a Sept. 20 article in the Johnson City Press about the missing parrot and e-mailed her Tuesday. "It really is nice when a story comes together with a happy ending, but for me I will miss Buzzy very much," Ruderman said. Kendrick said she planned to drive up from Tennessee to Long Island next week to pick up Buzzy.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preparing Clothing for Washing Before laundering clothing, close zipper, snap naps, fasteners, and button buttons. That way your zippers and fasteners won't snag other clothing. The best time to do this is before you toss clothing in the dirty clothes hamper. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In one small rural town the sheriff also fulfilled the role of the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Well, do you need him as the sheriff or the vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From a wise lady Dear Webby: Just wanted to make a quick comment on an opinion you posted in this Humor Letter (which I always enjoy, by the way). Your statement: "Near Collisions! The wimpy bimbo should get a life! At the slow speed those overweight slugs waddle around, nobody is going to get hurt in a collision. " In kindergarten, my child was collided into on the playground. She spun and fell on her face, getting knocked out cold-- with a bloody nose. But you'll be interested in learning what happened next. Sure, I was panicked. I mean, that sort of malfunction doesn't happen every day. However, unlike some parents I know and have heard about, I left it to the school to sort out the what-fors and the why-nots. The principal, being a practical and rational woman, reminded the students to be more careful and suggested to the child who bumped mine, that he might like to apologise (which he did). Case closed. I was satisfied. There's no sense in punishing the masses for the inattentions of the few--that would be like banning driving at night for everyone just because a few thousand people get done for DUI at night! My girl also learned that mom's always right: move it or lose it! Warmest regards and salutations, Susan Poe Good for you, Susan!
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, oct 25/06: No Curtains 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 25, 2006
======================================

The more you seek security, the less of it you have.
But the more you seek opportunity, the more likely it is that
you will achieve the security that you desire."
-- Brian Tracy

Normal is not something to aspire to,
it's something to get away from.
-- Jodie Foster

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The visiting church school supervisor asks little Johnny
during Bible class who broke down the walls of Jericho.
Little Johnny replies that he does not know, but it
definitely is not him.

The supervisor, taken aback by this lack of basic Bible
knowledge goes to the school principal and relates the
whole incident.

The principal replies that he knows little Johnny and
his whole family very well and can vouch for them, if
little Johnny said that he did not do it, he as principal
is satisfied that it is the truth.

Even more appalled the inspector goes to the regional Head
of Education and relates the whole story.

After listening he replies: "I can't see why you are making
such a big issue out of this; just get three quotes and fix
the damned wall."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two little kids are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other, outside the operating room. The first kid leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second kid says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first kid says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was four. They put you to sleep, and when you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze!" The second kid then asks, "What are you here for?" The first kid says, "A circumcision." The second kid says, "Whoa! I had that done when I was born. I couldn't walk for a year!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to New York Dept of Sanitation Dirty cleaners October 24, 2006 - New York - AP A sanitation agent was shown on videotape breaking light bulbs on the street in front of a restaurant and then writing a littering ticket to the restaurant's owner, a state assemblyman said. The video shows the uniformed Department of Sanitation agent dropping several long fluorescent bulbs in the Brooklyn street. A street-sweeping truck cleans the mess soon after, and then the agent writes a $300 ticket to the restaurant's owner for improper disposal of the lights. The ticket was issued Oct. 19 less than an hour after the H.K. Tea & Sushi restaurant's surveillance camera caught the agent breaking the bulbs. Assemblyman William Colton, who represents the neighborhood, said Monday he was furious that the Department of Sanitation would target store owners with bogus tickets. He said the agent pulled the same stunt on at least two other businesses on the block. "The reality is he gave a ticket to three store owners for the same offense," Colton said. He accused the city of encouraging its agents to write tickets to increase government revenue. The store owners, who attended a news conference with Colton, were angered. "Well, it bothers me," Martin Zalta said. "If I don't do something wrong, why should I get a ticket?" The Department of Sanitation said it was investigating and planned to look at the videotape. =========================================== =========================================== Usual view out my office window, but this morning with the famous Chinook Arch. In 5-6 days people in Chicago and Toronto will be whining about "The Albertan" dumping rain or snow onto them. TheChinook Arch is formed when a warm wind, that originated in the South Sea Islands, and came via Hawaii to the West Coast, dumped it's moisture on the rain forests there, climbed the Rockies and falls down onto us, and bounces back up. That sudden bounce upward causes the Chinook Arch. From here it races eastward acros the prairies, dries the grain and picks up moisture. Over the Great lakes it picks up even more moisture, and when it mixes with cold Atlantic air, it dumps onto Toronto and Chicago and further south. ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== On her way back from the concession stand, Trisha asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Trisha nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A guy walks into a bar and approaches the barman, "Can I have a pint of Less, please?" "I'm sorry sir," the barman replies, looking slightly puzzled, "I've not come across that one before. Is it a spirit?" "I've no idea," replies the guy, "The thing is, I went to see my doctor last week and he told me that I should drink less." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barry Re: CSI games Dear Webby- About a year ago, I installed a game program called CSI:Dark Side. I found I really didn't like it so I tried to un-install it. Every time I try, it disables my un-installer, and is still happily residing in my computer. How do I get this thing out ? Thanx ~~~Barry Dear Barry There is lots of information about CSI games on google, but nothing about how to remove them. You will have to contact their support for that info. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, the wife would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry about them." replied her husband. "they can buy curtains it it bothers them." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 24, 2006 - Key Largo, Florida (photo below) Ray Truche Jr. and Lisa Largrassa fished for hours and didn't catch anything -- except a drowning dog. Motoring their 23-foot fishing boat earlier this month on Florida Bay, the two hit something unusual and turned around to check. "As we came back upon it, I realized it was a little fat dog," said Truche, of Manchester, Mass. "It was having trouble keeping its head above water. Its big eyes were looking at us. It was almost as if it was saying, 'Don't leave me here!"' The couple leaned over the boat and made their only catch of the day: a 5-year-old cairn terrier named Tigger, The Key West Citizen reported Monday. Tigger apparently fell overboard from Diane and Richard Beckman's boat on their way from Key Largo to Marathon. The Beckman's searched frantically for 2 1/2 hours with no sign of the dog. "We went back and forth, back and forth," Diane said. "Finally we just gave up, because we thought he couldn't have survived in the water for that long. I was just heartbroken. " Since there was no answer at the home listed on Tigger's tag, Truche and Largrassa dropped him off at the Upper Keys Animal Shelter. Diane was elated when she got home and listened to her messages. She went quickly to pick up Tigger. "He didn't know me. He was so terrified. As soon as he realized it was me, he jumped in my arms and wouldn't let go," she said.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Hang Sweaters and Knits Fold sweaters and knit garments instead of hanging them. Hanging them can distort the shape of the garment. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured and then we'll provide you with another barn, just like the original one." There was a long pause, and then Susan replied, "If that's how it works, I want to cancel the life in- surance policy on my husband. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I subscribe to the Humor Letter which brightens my day always and also often provides technical information I can use. Thanks. I think you have recommended Gmail accounts and offered to send the required invitations to get one. I would like to take your advice and get a Gmail account. Could you please send me the required invitaion? Dan
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor L etter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Correction: ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 24/06: Frugal Me 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 24, 2006
======================================

Oh, I don't blame Congress.
If I had $600 billion at my disposal, I'd be irresponsible, too.
-- Lichty and Wagner

The least of learning is done in the classrooms.
-- Thomas Merton

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Peter called his doctor’s office for an appointment.

“I’m sorry,” said the receptionist, “we can’t
fit you in for at least two weeks.”

“But I could be dead by then!”

“No problem. If your wife lets us know, we’ll cancel the
appointment.”

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Telus for marking good mail as bad Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The personnel manager was impressing the applicant with the prospective job. "We make parts for microscopes. You'll be required to work with lenses that are a thousandths of an inch thick." "I can handle it," the applicant said, "I used to slice meat in a delicatessen." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Gaylene Heppe, Attleboro, MA Fatten up the wimps October 18, 2006 - Attleboro, Massachusetts -AP Tag is as much a tradition at recess as the lunch lady is in the cafeteria. But when youngsters at a suburban Boston school go outside, they'll get in trouble if they try to play tag. Students at Willett Elementary School in Attleboro can no longer play tag during recess. The same goes for touch football and other unsupervised "chasing" games. The school's principal said there's too much risk of injury to children during games like tag. Officials are also afraid if someone gets hurt, the school will get sued. Principal Gaylene Heppe is in her second year as principal at the school. Parents are divided. Debbie Laferriere -- who has two children at the school -- said playing tag is part of being a kid. She told the Sun- Chronicle of Attleboro that unsupervised games help children develop social skills that can be valuable later in life. "I think that it's unfortunate that kids' lives are micromanaged, and there are social skills they'll never develop on their own," Laferriere told the paper. Other parents said it's ironic that schools are banning games like tag at a time of rising concern over childhood obesity. "I think it's a little bit silly," said parent Christine McAndrews. "The kids love to play pick-up football games that they organize themselves. It's great for their social skills and they resolve things on their own. It's good for them." But another parent, Celeste D'Elia, said she's witnessed a lot of "near collisions" between children and supports anything that makes the playground safer. ------------------------------------- Near Collisions! The wimpy bimbo should get a life! At the slow speed those overweight slugs waddle around, nobody is going to get hurt in a collision. And so what if somebody does get a bloody nose? It will teach them not to lead with their face, and to look where they are running to, very valuable lessons! We played tag, on sharp gravel, and occasionally fought. And we climbed the trees, and occasionally fought up there too, and sometimes fell down and knocked the wind out of ourselves. But because we played tag and a lot of silly games, we were all flexible enough that there was never anything more serious than a skinned knee or elbow or bloody nose. Those did not raise an eybrow at home. That was an expected part of growing up. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture of the Carar Ruins in Peru ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Mary's fourth grade homework assignment was to make sentences using the words in her spelling list, along with the definition. Coming across the word "frugal" in the list, she asked her father what it meant. He explained that being frugal meant you saved something. Her paper read: "Frugal: to save." Sentence: "Maid Marion fell into a pit when she went walking in the woods so she yelled for someone to come get her out. She yelled 'Frugal me, Frugal me!'" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== One day, a sweet little girl becomes puzzled about her origin. "How did I get here, Mommy?" she asks. Her mother replies, using a well-worn phrase, "Why, God sent you, honey." "And did God send you too, Mommy?" she continues. "Yes, sweetheart, he did." "And Daddy, and Grandma and Grandpa, and their moms and dads, too?" "Yes, honey, all of them, too." The child shakes her head in disbelief. "Then you're telling me there's been no sex in this family for over 200 years? No wonder everyone is so grouchy!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Computer keeps shutting down Dear Webby, I "inherited" this super high preformance computer from my son. It keept shutting down on him right in the middle of games and he got disgusted with it. I tried it, just here on the table before putting it under my desk, and it seems to work OK for me. Is there anything I should do before I switch it out with my old clunker? Thanks Fran Dear Fran Open up the side panel and vacuum it out. If you see any heat sinks, clean them with q-tips and windex. If you can remove the shroud over the CPU fan, clean under that too. After putting it back together, don't put that machine into a desk hutch or confined space. Insted of putting it right on the floor, set it on a couple of bricks or wooden blocks. Give it lots of air. It will probably be fine for many years, as long as you clean it out once a year and give it plenty of air. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== A Priest and a Rabbi were riding in a plane. After a while, the Priest turned to the Rabbi and asked, "Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?" The Rabbi responded, "yes, that is still one of our beliefs." The Priest then asked, "Have you ever eaten pork?" To which the Rabbi replied, "Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted pork." The Priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading. A while later, the Rabbi spoke up and asked the Priest, "Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain chaste?" The Priest replied "Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith." The Rabbi then asked him, "Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?" The Priest replied, "Yes Rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith." The Rabbi nodded understandingly for a moment and then said, "a lot better than pork isn't it?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 19, 2006 - White Plains, New York - IBS Deadbeat dads: Pay your child support, or wind up in a newspaper ad. Westchester County, N.Y., bought a quarter-page ad labeled "Deadbeat Dads" in the New York Post this week. The ad reads: "Do you know where these deadbeat dads are? Their children don't." "We are turning up the pressure on these deadbeats," said County Executive Andy Spano. "We have many ways of making them pay -- suspending their driver's licenses, garnishing their pay, even arresting them -- but we hope that this latest method will shame them, and others who see the ad into doing the right thing." The first ad in the paper features four deadbeat fathers who owe a total of $192,576 for their six children. The county hopes the four major child support debtors are shamed into paying, or at least officials can find out where they are. It's the county's latest move in the crackdown on absent parents. Photos and information on them and eight other deadbeats, including a mother, can also be found on the county’s Web site. Deadbeats http://snipurl.com/109x6 The county said the men owe between $34,000 and $63,000 each. The ex-wife of a man who owes $63,000 said he may have fled the country but she hopes his friends will see the ad and speak to him. One of Westchester County's largest child support offenders is a woman -- she owes $68,000. "Making sure that parents take financial responsibility for their children is a major issue because it not only affects the lives of these children, but society as a whole,’" said Spano. "When parents don’t pay child support, families are forced to go on public assistance and the taxpayer ends up taking on that responsibility." Westchester County Social Services Commissioner Kevin Mahon said that the Office of Child Support Enforcement currently has 16,872 open cases. About 40 percent of these families are on public assistance. The 12 people featured on the Web site owe a total of $412,840, but that is only a fraction of the amount actually owed. DSS estimates that if all the back payments that were owed were ultimately collected, it would total $144 million.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Perfume or Cologne and Clothing Put perfume or cologne on your skin instead of your clothing. The perfume may stain or damage some types of fabric. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A kindergarten teacher was receiving birthday gifts from her pupils. The florist's son handed her a gift. She shook it, held it overhead, and said, "I bet I know what it is. Some flowers." "That's right" the boy said, "but how did you know?" "Oh, just a wild guess," she said. The next pupil was the candy shop owner's daughter. The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, "I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets." "That's right, but how did you know?" asked the girl. "Oh, just a wild guess," said the teacher. The next gift was from the son of the liquor store owner. The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking. She touched a drop of the leakage with her finger and touched it to her tongue. "Is it wine?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with some excitement. The teacher repeated the process, taking a larger drop of the leakage to her tongue. "Is it champagne?" she asked. "No," the boy replied, with more excitement. The teacher took one more taste before declaring, "I give up, what is it?" With great glee, the boy replied, "It's a puppy-dog!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Amberose It pains me to know about all these perverts at military funerals, but there should be some way to stop them from going on to Government property, which is what our Arlington National Cemetery is. The families don't need that at any cemetery while they are suffering through the funeral of a loved one, but especially through Arlington National. Amberose --------------------------------------- From Linny I truly need help with this. My grandsons visited and somehow put the task bar that is at the bottom on the side and it is very much in the way and they don't know how they did it? Thanks Linny Dear Linny Just grab an empty gray spot in it with the mouse, and drag it back down. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 23/06: Horse For Sale 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 23, 2006
======================================

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the
shore like an idiot.
-- Steven Wright

Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the
essential things in rationality.
-- Bertrand Russell

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

John took Wendy to dinner at a really posh
restaurant. They walked in, were ushered to a table
by a formally dressed maitre d', and sat down at a
table on which were displayed the finest china and
crystal.

Taking the damask napkin from the solid silver
napkin ring, John unfolded it, put it around his
neck and proceeded to tie a knot in the back.

Staring at him, the maitre d' said, between gritted
teeth, "Sir, will you be having a shave or a haircut?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand-lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 14 year old knife fighter in Grand Junction, CO Juvenile Menace October 16, 2006 - Grand Junction, Colorado - The Denver News Channel A 14-year-old boy could face felony charges after he allegedly tried to stab a 17-year-old classmate at a football game in Grand Junction on Saturday, police said. Police said the younger boy saw the older boy in the stands and tried to stab him with a knife that had a 3.5-inch blade. An off-duty resource officer for Grand Junction High School saw the boys struggling in the stands and separated them. He took the knife and the 14-year-old in custody. No one was hurt. The officer told police when they arrived that the 14 year old boy had been suspended from school last week for fighting with the 17-year-old's younger brother. The 14-year-old faces charges of attempted first-degree assault and menacing. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this story and picture: To my darling husband Before you return from your overseas trip I just want to let you know about the small accident I had with the pick up truck when I turned into the driveway. Fortunately not too bad and I really didn't get hurt, so please don't worry too much about me. I was coming home from Wal-Mart, and when I turned into the driveway I accidentally pushed down on the accelerator instead of the brake. The garage door is slightly bent but the pick up fortunately came to a halt when it bumped into your car. Don't worry, it didn't touch your bike. I am really sorry but I know with your kind hearted personality you will forgive me. You know how much I love you and care for you my sweet heart. I cannot wait to hold you in my arms again. Your loving wife. XXX ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Boss... "I saw you arguing with that customer. Don't you know that our policy is 'The customer is always right?'" Employee... "Yes, but he insisted that he was wrong! What was I supposed to do?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down...." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: Game won't install Webby, I'm trying to install a game that's about 5 years old, Red Alert 2. Every time I hit install, or click on the setup program I get an error report. I got a friend's copy of it and it also generated an error report and shut down the program. Any idea's on what I need to do to get this game to install? David Dear David That would depend on the error report. Quite possibly the game needs to have a particular version of VBRUN (Visual Basic Run-time library) installed. Without seeing the error message, that's about as close as I can guess. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way...!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos All in a days work ... October 11, 2006 - Titusville, Florida - AP An uninvited guest checked in Wednesday at a Titusville hotel. A 9-foot alligator parked himself underneath a parked car at the Hampton Inn and it was a fight to get him to check out. A parking lot in Titusville became the scene of a tug-of-war between a monster gator and three trappers, and both sides were determined to win. Trapper Bill Robb and his team were called after the gator crawled into the parking lot from some nearby woods. Robb said he did not want to use a bang stick, because the urban gator hunt was drawing quite a crowd. He said the gator was dangerous and fearless. "The way he acts, he's your a typical nuisance alligator, he did not run from people," Robb said. Once the gator was roped, a trapper moved in close to tape its mouth. But even after that, he still was not ready to go quietly, hissing as he was moved. But in the end, the gator was no match for the team of trappers, who literally had to straddle the animal to get the upper hand. He was dragged across the parking lot and loaded into a truck, all in a day's work for a team of gator hunters with over 35 years of experience. Robb and his team said they trapped 400 gators last month alone.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Shoes When buying shoes, always try on both shoes and walk around in them to make sure you get the right fit. Sizing can be inconsistent from different shoe manufacturers so be sure to try on different sizes. Your feet swell as the day goes on, so trying on shoes in the afternoon will give you a better idea of how they will fit after wearing them for a while. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two neighbors appeared in court, each woman accusing the other of causing trouble in their building. "Let's get to the evidence," the judge said in an effort to end their bickering. "I'll hear the oldest woman first." The case was dismissed for lack of testimony. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Deary Webby, I went to Minden, NV (Sat. Oct 21, 2006) to pay my respect and shield against the Westboro Baptists that were to be there with their protest. If they did arrive then I believe they thought it would be in their best interest not to protest. There was over 1,000 people there to pay their respests and approx. 200 Bikers that were mostly Veterans. I thank you for the link you provide your readers. Your link kept me informed and I was able to pass the information on to fellow Veterans. Gringo
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 22/06: Instant Start Screen Saver 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 22, 2006
======================================

All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
-- Galileo Galilei

Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to
become as mediocre as possible.
-- Margaret Mead

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole'
boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on
Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon
that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.

He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever
did hear!"

The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but
please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity
in the Lord's house."

The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help
myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"

The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you
behaving this way in Church!"

The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to
know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in
that there collection plate."

And the Reverend said, "That was damn nice of you, Sir!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although happily married, they admitted that there were arguments sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery. I now know how to always have the last word." "Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?" "It's easy," replied Chad. "My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' " ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Parents in Scotland and England Kids dumber than parents October 16, 2006 - Scotland - The Scotsman Scots schoolchildren are losing the ability to learn for themselves, because they are getting too much help with homework from their parents, a leading university principal has warned. Professor Andrew Hamnett, the vice-chancellor of Strathclyde University, says coursework outside the classroom is becoming "seriously debased" because examiners cannot be sure that pupils are doing it for themselves. He says the problem is also leading to increasing numbers of university students plagiarising their coursework from the Internet because they do not have the ability to seek out their own information. The problem is so bad in England that one examination board has scrapped the coursework element of maths exams to prevent parents from being able to influence their children's marks. =========================================== =========================================== Thanks to JJS for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== The following list of phrases and their definitions might help you understand the mysterious language of science and medicine. These special phrases are also applicable to anyone reading a PhD dissertation or academic paper. "IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original reference. "A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically meaningless. "WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment, but I still hope to get it published. "THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED STUDY"... The other results didn't fit my theory. "TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph. "THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"... I might get around to this sometime, if pushed/funded. "IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once "IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice "IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice "IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... I think. "IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... A couple of others think so, too. "CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong. "ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it. "A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess. "A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"... Three pages of notes were obliterated when I knocked over a glass of beer. "IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it "AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"... They don't understand it either. "THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS" ... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained to me what it meant. "A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my committee. "IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really down in the dumps. "What's the matter?" Bill asked. "I don't get it," Bob sighed. "The dating scene is so confusing. There are so many dam people you have to please. Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me, but her father hated me. Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really liked me, but SHE didn't like me. And then there was this woman I met last night. She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me too, but her husband couldn't stand me!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ricky Re: Instant Start Screensaver Dear Webby, Wanted to ask you a couple questions... 1. Is there a hotkey, or combination of keys I can hit real quick that will start my screensaver? I seem to remember being able to do that on the old mac that I used in elementary, now I am on Windows XP. 2. I would like to be able to see part of my desktop at all times. The windows that I keep open are IE windows, and Outlook, thats it. I like to keep them tiled perfectly, each time I start the computer or these programs i have to readjust their size again, and their position as well, is there a way to set it so that when I open an IE window and Outlook they open at the sme size and same position every time? Thank you Webby!!! -Ricky Dear Ricky Do a search for *.scr files and locate your favorite screen savers. Right-click them, Send-To, Desktop. When you double-click any of those screen saver shortcuts, that screen saver starts instantly. Now you can right-click that shortcut, go to Advanced, and select a hot-key for it, for example CTRL ALT S 2) In Explorer, Tool, Folder Options you can set the windows to open at the previous size and location. Some bug in XP causes it to forget that after about 25 start-ups, but is pretty good about it in between. Have FUN! Dear Webby ========================================== The soldier serving overseas, far from home, was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote, breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back. So, he went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying: "Regret -- cannot remember which one is you. Please keep your photo and return the others." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Edmonton, Canada - Canadian Press It's finders, keepers - even when the item in question is a mysterious envelope containing $18,000 cash stuffed into the wrong post office box, an Alberta court has found. Justice Marguerite Trussler of Court of Queen's Bench ruled an Alberta man who found the envelope and turned it over to police should get it back instead of the money staying with the federal government. In a written decision released last week, Trussler quoted a legalese version of a rule honoured from playground to boardroom. "The finder of a chattel acquires title that is good against the entire world except for the true owner." In July 11, 2005, Burton Thomas opened a postal box he rents in Edmonton from Canada Post to find a bubble-wrapped courier envelope. According to court documents, Thomas had received such envelopes before and opened the latest one without looking at the address. Inside, he found 18 bags, each containing $1,000 cash. He then checked the address and found the envelope had been sent from Ontario and was intended for another post office box at the same location as his. Thomas photocopied the money and took the cash to police later that night. RCMP contacted the intended recipient, but to no avail. "The intended recipient of the envelope refused to provide any explanation or acknowledgment of ownership of the money," reads the judgment. As well, police found that the intended recipient had moved from Edmonton back to Ontario and was living at the return address found on the envelope. In December, the government began legal action to keep the money under laws governing proceeds of crime. But Thomas fought the attempt and pointed out no charges were ever laid. Trussler found that in the absence of both criminal charges and anyone coming forward to claim the money, Thomas's claim was the strongest - and, in fact, serves the public good. "People should be encouraged to act honestly," Trussler wrote. "Thomas returned the money after discovering that the envelope was not addressed to him . . . He should not be punished for his laudable actions of seeking out the true owner." Thomas was awarded both the $18,000 and his legal costs.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get an Estimate for Car Repairs Always get an estimate in writing before having repair work done on your car. Once the repairs are done, only pay for the repairs that you authorized. Pay with a credit card so you can reverse the charge if there is a problem with the work that the repair shop won't remedy. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
In the men's room at work, the boss placed a sign directly above the sink. It had a single word on it, "THINK!" The next day, when he went to the men's room, he looked at the sign and right below it, immediately above the soap dispenser, someone had carefully lettered another sign which read, "THOAP!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Hi Webby, I've just opened my gmail account and from all that I've discovered so far, I think it's terrific. Should have asked about this a long time ago. Thanks so much!! Have a great weekend. Connie ---------------------------------------------- Dear Webby: Thanks for all the Humor Letters which start my day with a smile or a good hearty guffaw! Some of your jokes are so hilarious, that I am able to translate them into Spanish (the language spoken in Argentina where I live) and tell them to my friends and family. Do keep them coming!! Have a wonderful day Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne at Funk.fire-cat.com for this Bonus Link: Photo-Quiz http://www.modestypanel.com/whatisit/
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 21/06: Hotmail Woes 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 21, 2006
======================================

The highest use of capital is not to make more money,
but to make money do more for the betterment of life.
-- Henry Ford

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks for this classic from Shella:

Two little ole Ladies sitting in rocking chairs on the front
porch. First one says to the second one
"Martha, When George was still alive, did y'all have
mutual orgasms?"
After a few moments of silence Martha says
"Why Ethel, I believe we had State Farm Insurance"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Hotmail for losing mail Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington. The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?" The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug "AHA!" Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and the disc out the window. The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds "How was your room? How was the service? How was your stay at the Watergate Hotel?" The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these questions?" The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you complained about the chandelier falling on them!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the DOT in New York Creative revenue generation September 1, 2006 - New York - AP Dude, where's my car? And what's that No Parking sign doing here? Several Brooklyn residents woke up to find their street empty -- because someone had posted a No Parking sign and police had towed their rides. The sign, which bans parking on a street in the neighborhood from 8 a.m. to 6 p.m. weekdays, mysteriously appeared Monday or Tuesday, residents said, and then police started ticketing and towing cars parked there. But the Department of Transportation says there aren't any parking restrictions in the area and it doesn't know who posted the placard, which looks official. Resident David Bourgeois said he had to pay $205 to retrieve his Mini Cooper, with a $60 ticket on the windshield, from a police pound Wednesday after it was hauled away. "It's just outrageous," he told the Daily News for Friday editions. The DOT said it would 'try' to dismiss the ticket -- and take down the No Parking sign. =========================================== =========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== During the big DUI Dragnet, a Highway Patrolman waited outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust. At closing time as everyone came out, he spotted his potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle. He sat in the car a good ten minutes as the other patrons left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on then off. He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped. Finally when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the road and started to drive away. The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and pulled the man over. He administered the breathalizer test, and to his great surprise the man blew a 0.00! The Patrolman was dumbfounded! "This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman. "I doubt it," said the apparent drunk, "tonight I'm the Designated Decoy!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== "So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching the most fish!" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Maria Re: Hotmail woes Hi Dear Webby, I miss you........the last letter I received from you is this one. (dated Oct.16) What is happening ? Am I no longer on your mailing list? I really enjoy reading you, and hope you will be able to correct this. Keep up the good work. Maria Dear Maria garden*****@hotmail.com|Maria|humor That shows me that your subscription has been sent to your address today and every day. However, once it has entered the hoe mail server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You can read what I had sent to you in the Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog Have you considered getting a respectable email address? I sent you an invitation to Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== From a church bulletin: A family-type film, suitable for both children and parents, will be shown at the Sunday evening service at 6:00 p.m. Free puppies will be given to all children not accompanied by a parent. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 6, 2006 - Saskatoon - Canadian Press A regular afternoon nap normally isn't an excuse to skip jury duty, but 103-year-olds aren't usually summoned to court, either. However, Phyllis Perkins, a resident at the Luther Tower care facility in Saskatoon, did indeed receive a summons to act as a juror recently. She asked to be excluded from serving because "jury duty might interrupt my nap time." "We all had a good laugh," said Perkins, who was born in Parkhill, Ont., in 1903, but moved with her family to Saskatchewan while she was still a baby. "I'm not a person who wants to be in the limelight, but we've had a lot of fun with this." Perkins said she had some help filling out her reply to the sheriff's office. "You get to be 103 and things aren't all there. Of course, I have trouble seeing, so the kids read (the summons) and said they'd fix it up." Citizens over 65 are automatically exempt from jury duty upon request, but can attend if they desire, said Gordon Laing, sheriff for Saskatoon. "All people have to do is indicate they're over 65 and we don't question it. It's automatic."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Label It Before It Goes In The Freezer Attach a marker to your fridge and write a date on everything you put in your freezer. If you don't want to write on reusable freezer containers, just attach a label with the date on it. Before you go shopping, take stock of what you have in the freezer and plan meals that use it up. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Don't get too literal with the labeling. Label the stuff with what people ask for: "Food!", Something good", "Anything", "Whatever", etc. That way you will always have just the right items. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic socks. "Will you open this so I can see how the socks feel?" she asked. Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the merchandise. She handed me the package, saying, "I'll take them." Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me. "Can I have another pack? This one's been opened." I told her: "I'll go talk to the manager", locked the till, took the opened package and dropped it back on the shelf on my way to a better job. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby I am amazed every day about how much work you put into your newsletter, and I do appreciate it. I would stay subscribed, even if you charged a bit for it. Yours Helen
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Vermont Country Store http://tinyurl.com/y2bnj8
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Der Webby Humor Letter, Oct 20/06: Print in Landscape 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 20, 2006
======================================

It is in your moments of decision that your destiny is shaped.
-- Anthony Robbins

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A man was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him
and said the telephone was ringing.  "At this hour it's probably
for you," she said, closing her eyes.  The phone by their bed was
not working, so the man rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs.

When he returned, his wife was asleep.  He woke her and said,
"It wasn't for me, after all."  He waited as she drug herself
out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed for the stairs.

Then he added, "It was a wrong number."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A particular church is called the "Almighty God Tabernacle." On a Saturday night several weeks ago, the pastor was working late, and decided to call his wife before he left for home. The time was about 10:00 PM, but his wife didn't answer the phone. The pastor let it ring many times. He thought it was odd that she did not answer, but decided to wrap up a few things and try again in a few minutes. When he tried again, she answered right away. He asked her why she hadn't answered before, and she said that the phone had not rung at their house. They brushed it off as a fluke and went on about their business. The following Monday, the pastor received a call at the church office, which was the phone he used to call home that previous Saturday night. The man calling wanted to know why he had called on Saturday night. The pastor couldn't figure out what the man was talking about. Then the man said, "It rang and rang, but I didn't answer." The pastor remembered the mishap and apologized for disturbing him, explaining that he had intended to call his wife. The man said, "That's okay. Let me tell you my story. You see, I was planning to commit suicide on Saturday night, but before I did, I prayed, 'God if you're there, and you don't want me to do this, give me a sign now.' At that moment, my phone started to ring. I looked at the caller ID, and it said, 'Almighty God'. I was afraid to answer!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a school photographer in Orlando, Florida Lewd scheel picture October 16, 2006 - Orlando, Florida - AP A local family is outraged by a school photo. When the pictures came back from the studio, a seven-year-old girl’s image appeared to have been doctored to give her cleavage. The debate is whether the photo just has a very strange shadow or it's been digitally altered by someone. “It's just bad. It's horrible. She's my baby, not for somebody to look at her like that. She's seven, she's not an adult,” said the girl’s mother, Jenn Truhe. Truhe cries when she thinks about her daughter’s school picture in disbelief about the class photos she received on Tuesday. “It blew my mind. I couldn't believe that someone would do that,” she said. The picture showed the 1st grader with what appears to be significant cleavage. The question remains, is it real or is it Photoshop? Photoshop is a computer program that Truhe believes was used to alter her child's picture. “Who knows if I was going to get that picture. I'm sure they were supposed to crop it and take it out, and then give me a nice clean picture,” she added. The owner of the studio would not talk on camera, but said the image is exactly what the camera captured when the picture was taken at Keeth Elementary School in August. He admitted the image looks odd, but said no one had tinkered with the photo. Eyewitness News showed the photo to several photography professionals who all said it appeared to have been doctored and likely was not a natural shadow. Still, the company that took the photo insisted it was. In fact, they have invited the girl and her mother to their studio to try and recreate the conditions of the picture hoping to prove there was no alteration. ===========================================
Men have "character lines". Some women know about 60 Second Facelift.
=========================================== ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness, and gave her the dollar, the said, "There you are, my dear, but tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?" "Oh yes," said the little girl. "She sells candy." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A minister announced to the congregation that admission to a church social event would be six dollars per person. "However, if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50." From the back of the sanctuary, a woman's voice rang out, "Do you really think I'd give you that information for only fifty cents?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trudy Re: Print in Landscape Dear Webby, I am sorry to bother you with this question: Besides your Humor Letter, my other favorite pasttime is knitting. I found some great patterns on the internet, but I am stomped. It says that I have to be in the landscape mode to make copies to fit on letter-size paper. I checked into the space, it is on landscape, but when I want to make copies, it still only prints about 3/4 of the pattern on each line. What gives?? Thank you for your help. I have a Microsoft XP. Thumbs up for your daily humor letter, it makes my day! Sincerely---Trudy Dear Trudy I don't know the first thing about knitting and patterns. To print something like that, I would go into Page Setup ALT F U Then TAB down to the left bottom corner to PAGE ORIENTATION, use the DOWN ARROW to move the radio button to Landscape, and hit ENTER to OK and then hit CTRL P to Print. Naturally, you can do the same with a bit of mousing around too. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whispered, "Hello?" Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?" "Yes," whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him?" the man asked. To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No." Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mommy there?" "Yes," came the answer. "May I talk with her?" Again the small voice whispered, "No." Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person who should be there watching over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?" the boss asked the child. "Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman." Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?" "No, he's busy," whispered the child. "Busy doing what?" asked the boss. "Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?" "A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed. In an awed, whispering voice, the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper." Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated, the boss asked, "Why are they there?" Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle, "They're looking for me." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 10, 2006 - Rockledge, Florida - AP Now that she has her high school diploma, an 82-year-old Brevard County woman plans to keep going. Kathy Berger never finished her senior year of Tyner High School in her hometown of Chattanooga, Tennessee. But she never gave up hope of receiving her diploma. So, Berger, who has been a Brevard County resident for the past 46 years, decided to ask her former school what she could do to complete her degree. Principal Carol Goss looked over transcripts and told Berger to write a two-page book report on a classic novel. Berger read "Wuthering Heights," and said she struggled with the report for nearly three months. But she finally finished it and got her diploma. With high school out of the way, Berger says now she'll "get some college behind me."
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fresh Frozen Lasagna Instead of buying frozen lasagna, make your own. Any basic lasagna recipe and be frozen for later use. Line your baking dish with aluminum foil and then prepare the lasagna as if you were getting it ready to bake it. Then fold the foil over the top of the lasagna and either put it in a large freezer bag or wrap it in plastic wrap. When you are ready to use it, remove the plastic wrap or plastic bag and put it back in the same baking dish in which you prepared it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Tammy is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas. She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims, "What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?" A man standing next to Tammy, trying to calm her down, suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?" He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she'd won, he rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd. Tammy is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator kneeling over her. The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?" The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29, and 36 came up. Then she just fainted...!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Mary Dear Webby, I just got this email. I am pretty sure it is a scam, but can you verify that for me???? thanks, love your columns. Been reading them now for over 3 years............ take care............. mary here is the email in its entirety............ Hello Friend, My name is Mrs.Rosemary King I am a dying woman who has decided to donate what I have to charity through you.You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen. I am 59 years old and was diagnosed for cancer about 2 years ago,immediately after the death of my husband who had left me everything he worked for.I have been touched by the lord to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity through you for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my relatives to use my husband's hard earned funds inappropriately. .... Dear Mary That's just an old "Nigerian Scam" making another round around the net. Just trash it. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sea Shells http://tinyurl.com/yx2r9p
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 19/06: Juke Boxes 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 19, 2006
======================================

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering
questions that no one has asked them.
-- Leo Tolstoy

The difference between a violin and a viola is that a
viola burns longer.
-- Victor Borge

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks, , for telling me which of the two choices
of e-books you would prefer.
72.6 % preferred the photo editng, and
27.4% preferred organic indoor gardening.

And one wanted an ebook to help decide what e-books to get
for different people.

I will definitely write the one about photo editing, and if
time permits, I will also write the other one in time for
Christmas.

Thanks for telling me your opinion!
DearWebby

===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
An Irish Priest Transferred Recently to Texas

Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring
day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the
window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful
day outside.  He then noticed there was a jackass lying
dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called
the local police station.

The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I
help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley
at St. Brigid's There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.
Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take
care of the matter?"

Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit,
replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my
impression that you people took care of last rites!"

There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but
we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== WOW! Sandie just sent me this treasure trove of all the pop music hits from 1955 - 1982. A player is included for playing the music in the background while you work. 1955 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1955Top/player.html 1956 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1956Top/player.html 1957 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1957Top/player.html 1958 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1958Top/player.html 1959 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1959Top/player.html 1960 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1960Top/player.html 1961 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1961Top/player.html 1962 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1962Top/player.html 1963 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1963Top/player.html 1964http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1964Top/player.html 1965 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1965Top/player.html 1966 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1966Top/player.html 1967 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1967Top/player.html 1968 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1968Top/player.html 1969 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1969Top/player.html 1970 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1970Top/player.html 1971 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1971Top/player.html 1972 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1972Top/player.html 1973 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1973Top/player.html 1974 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1974Top/player.html 1975 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1975Top/player.html 1976 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1976Top/player.html 1977 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1977Top/player.html 1978 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1978Top/player.html 1979 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1979Top/player.html 1980 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1980Top/player.html 1981 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1981Top/player.html 1982 http://www.playacofi.com/Jukebox/1982Top/player.html ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Todd Gugat, 17, of Dallas, Texas Libel on MySpace.com October 17, 2006 - Grand Junction, Colorado - AP A teenager facing felony charges for allegedly sending suggestive and threatening messages to students on MySpace.com while posing as a high school teacher made his first court appearance Monday. Todd Gugat, 17, of Dallas, faces felony charges of criminal libel and criminal impersonation and a misdemeanor computer crime charge. Fruita Monument High School teacher Bill Johnson was placed on administrative leave during the summer and reinstated early last month after a Grand Junction Police Department investigation cleared him. Gugat moved from Mesa County to Texas and was cited Aug. 30. Messages sent to other students contained photographs from Johnson's legitimate MySpace.com profile with rewritten captions. One girl reported receiving a message that included a photo of Johnson bare-chested in a hot tub. It read in part: "I have really enjoyed watching you evolve over the years. Well you will be turning 18 any time now and hopefully you will keep ol (sic) Billy J in mind." Defense attorney William Kain III said a plea agreement was in the works, while prosecutor Pete Hautzinger said no definitive resolution was in sight. Gugat's mother, Sharmin Gugat, declined to comment. Contacted at her Redlands home, she referred all questions about the case to her son's lawyer. ===========================================
Men have "character lines". Some women know about 60 Second Facelift.
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this picture: ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== This little guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders his drink. After a while, this big guy comes along and "WHAP" little guy's on the floor. The big guy says "That was a karate chop from Japan" So, the little guy gets up and sits down again. Soon, the big guy's back again, and "WHOOSH" little guy's on the floor again. The big guy says "that was a sumo chop from China" Little guy gets up and leaves. The big guy sits down where the little guy was. Thirty minutes later, the little guy comes back, and "BANG" big guy's on the floor, passed out. The little guy tells the bartender "When he wakes up, tell him that was a pipe wrench, from Sears." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded down with the things he was going to steal. She had no weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says: "ACTS 2:38!!!" The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops. When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon could do this. One of them asked the lady: "How did you do this?" The woman replied:" I quoted scripture." The cop turned the burglar: "What was it about the scripture that had such an effect on you?" The burglar replied: "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she said she had an axe and two 38's." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ethel Re: Anti Virus programs Dear Webby, I have been trying to decide about changing anti virus programs. I have McAfee and been looking at Kaspersky and BitDefender. What are your thoughts about these two programs? Ethel Dear Ethel I use McAfee. Microsoft, who definitely does not have to look for the lowest priced deal, also uses McAfee. There have always been wanna-be's popping up and competing in that field, but in the long run McAfee has always outlasted them. They probably spend a lot more money on research. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few minutes. When she returned, she found the children in perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet. She was shocked and stunned and said, "I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful. But, please tell me, what came over all of you? Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?" Finally, after much urging, a little girl said, "Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and found us quiet, you would drop dead!!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 16, 2006 - Arlington Heights, Illinois - Happy News The OrthoGlide(TM) medial knee implant (Advanced Bio- Surfaces, Inc.) is the newest minimally invasive option available for patients who have exhausted other non-surgical therapies, and are not ready for total, or even partial, knee replacement. Recently approved by the FDA for use in the United States and the European Union, the implant is currently being utilized in suburban Chicago at Alexian Brothers Medical Center, Elk Grove Village, Ill., and St. Alexius Medical Center, Hoffman Estates, Ill. David Trotter, M.D. is one of the device's initial investigators, and one of the only Chicago area orthopedic surgeons currently approved for implantation of the OrthoGlide(TM); having performed nearly twenty implants on patients with osteoarthritis of the medial compartment of the knee. "The OrthoGlide(TM) is even more potentially advantageous than the knee-preserving UniSpacer(TM) has been because it associates with the lower half of the knee joint and barely moves," stated Dr. Trotter.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Become Your Own Butcher Save money on chicken by buying them whole and cutting them yourselves. It's easy to learn how to quarter your own chicken. All the leftover bones make great soup stock. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger. After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle" products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you didn't know me, what age would you say I am?" Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16, and your figure, 25." "Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying... "WHOA, hold on there sweety!" Andy interrupted. "I haven't added them up yet!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I would like to tell everyone to get the gmail it is great! This is where I recieve my Humor Letter every day without fail. I enjoy the Humor Letter very much, keep up the good work. Cee
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Hanging temples of China http://tinyurl.com/wwu6s
======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter: Oct 18/06: Remove Popcorn 

Good Morning,  Text-Start !
Wednesday,  October 18, 2006
======================================


Not everything that counts can be counted,
and not everything that can be counted counts.
-- Albert Einstein


======================================
Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


Thanks to Martin for this story:
An oldie I used to tell about 30 years ago.


Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter.
He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the
Lord is granting you six months to go back to earth and be
anyone you wish to be.


The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" and poof, she's gone.


The second says, "I want to be Madonna" and poof, she's gone.


The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."


St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asks.


"Sara Pipalini;" replies the nun.


St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just
doesn't ring a bell."


The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands
it to St. Peter.


St. Peter reads the article in the paper and starts laughing.
He hands it back to the nun and says,
"No, sister, the paper says it was the 'Sahara Pipeline'
that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."


(If you laugh, you are going straight to hell!)


===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Grandpa and Grandma were sitting in their porch rockers watching the beautiful sunset and reminiscing about "the good old days". Grandma turned to Grandpa and said, "Honey, do you remember when we first started dating and you used to just casually reach over and take my hand?" Grandpa looked over at her, smiled and obligingly took her aged hand in his. With a wry little smile, Grandma pressed a little farther, "Honey, do you remember how after we were engaged, you'd sometimes lean over and suddenly kiss me on the cheek?" Grandpa leaned slowly toward Grandma and gave her a lingering kiss on her wrinkled cheek. Growing bolder still, Grandma said, "Honey, do you remember how, after we were first married, you'd kind of nibble on my ear?" Grandpa slowly got up from his rocker and headed into the house. Alarmed, Grandma said, "Honey, where are you going?" Grandpa replied, "Do get my deeth!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a bank robber in Vienna, Austria Same jail time with a much cheaper gun October 17, 2006 - Vienna, Austria - Ananova A struggling Austrian toyshop owner was arrested after he tried to rob a bank with one of his toy guns. The 44-year-old, from Vienna, stormed into a local bank with a stocking over his head and a gun in his hand, and demanded clerks empty their tills. But a security guard noticed the 'weapon' was a plastic water pistol and asked him to hand over the toy to avoid "an even bigger embarrassment". The would-be robber told police: "I was driven to this desperate deed after my toy shop went bankrupt." ===========================================
Men have "character lines". Some women know about 60 Second Facelift.
=========================================== Hi Webby I am attaching a pic of an unknown red flower (I don't know the name) from the foothills of Himalayas. I took this about a month back. To all your dear readers. Cheers & Peace - Nari ===========================================
Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards.
=========================================== Thanks to Vern for this story: Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. Because of its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for one dollar. "This is a great deal," he said excitedly." It still has the plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== "What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy who delivered his pizza. "Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery, but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of you, I'd be doing great." "That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five dollars." "Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my college fund." "By the way, what are you studying?" "Applied psychology." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Barry Re: Popcorn Webby, Hope you can help me. I (my computer) has been invaded by spyware. Particularly a movie download site called popcorn.net. Every once in a while this reminder notice pops up saying I must pay 29.95 or I will continue to be pestered. I have tryed to remove the software to no avail. Can you help?? A loyal reader, Barry Mason Dear Barry Somebody on your machine has apparently agreed to pay Popcorn after accepting a 3 day free trial of downloading stolen movies, and then cheerfully downloaded and installed a whole mess of trojans and malware and also the nagger that you noticed. If it was you, a strict diet of Smarties is highly recommended. There is a LOT of information about Popcorn avaliable on the net. You are not the only one who got conned by them. Popcorn CAN be removed manually, if you are comfortable with spending an hour messing around in the registry. The alternative is to use a popcorn remover like the one at http://www.anti-spyware-101.com/remove-popcornnet/ Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== While on my desk assignment in the Army, I noticed that my co-worker never answered his phone. One day I asked him why, and he said, "If you had to pick up the telephone and say, 'Statistical section, Specialist Strastewskivich speaking,' would you want to answer the phone?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 17, 2006 - Salcombe, UK - Ananova An egg stolen from a museum has been returned - after 43 years. The little bustard's egg was anonymously returned to Overbeck's Museum, Salcombe, near Devon. It was wrapped in bubble wrap in an old cigar tin. Attached was a letter which said the egg was stolen during a hitch hiking trip in 1963. According to the BBC the thief added: "We do things as kids we would never dream of doing as adults. I was with a friend who stole a guillemot's egg at the same time. "However, as the little bustard's egg was by far the rarer, I am sure you'll be pleased to have it returned," He said he had not seen his fellow thief in a long time, and had no idea if the other egg had survived.
============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. =============================================
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Today's Entrées and Tomorrow's Sandwiches Incorporate sandwiches into your weekly menu and one night's entrée can become tomorrow night's sandwiches. For example, have meat loaf one night and meat loaf sandwiches the next night. Some other ideas: Spaghetti and Meatballs and then meatball sandwiches. Turkey and then leftover hot turkey sandwiches with gravy. Roast beef and then french dip. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tonight I had leftover spaghetti and meat sauce stuffed into a hollowed out green pepper. Microwaved it to perfection in three minutes. Delicious! DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
A very outgoing and honest 7-year-old girl calmly admitted to her parents that Billy Brown had kissed her after class. Her mother gasped and said, "How did that happen?" The little girl said, "It wasn't easy, but three other girls helped me catch him and hold him down." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby Could you please tell me what a "gmail" is ? Thank you. Virginia Kelly Dear Virginia gmail is the email system provided by Google. It is rock solid and by far the best free email system around. gmail is real POP 3 mail, not IMAP like Hotmail, and you can receive it with professional email programs like Eudora or Pegasus or home use programs like Outlook Express or Outlook. In addition to that, it has a very capable browser interface to "peek" while at work or at a cybercafe or at a friend's place, without leaving anything on that machine. You can even set it to automatically forward a copy of all mail to another address, for example your RuralRoute addy. That way, when RR loses your subscriptions, you can still read them on your gmail. To keep the fly-by-nighters with their disposable hotmail or Yahoo addresses out, Google requires that somebody, with a gmail address in good standing, vouch for you and send you a referral. I highly recommend gmail! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Well, Text-Start, I have some questions for you. If you were planning to give somebody a nice e-book for Christmas, would you choose A) Editing photos for better results or B) Organic indoor herb garden These are not trick questions. I really DO want your honest opinion. Just fire the letter back at me and put A or B into the subject line. If you have any questions that you would want to see addressed in a book like that, by all means tell me. I am taking a course to improve my writing, and this mini survey is part of my homework. If you can suggest a better topic or title, don't be shy! Tell me! You know that I listen to you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Witches Secret http://www.witches.com.au/
======================================== Text-Start, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, Text-Start, that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 17/06: No Tilt 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 17, 2006
======================================

When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro.
-- Hunter S. Thompson

Under capitalism, man exploits man.
Under communism, it's just the opposite.
-- John Kenneth Galbraith

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to LittleMiss for this sweet story:
WHEN I'M 100, IF I LEAN A LITTLE, JUST LET ME!
-
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair,
where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes
when she needed to communicate.
-
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning
off to the right, so some family members grabbed her
straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short
time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the
family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
-
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members
again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist
to hold her up.  A grandson, who arrived late, came up to
Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good!
How are they treating you?"

Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a
note to the grandson...

"They won't let me fart."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail again
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars. The first worm was put into a container of alcohol. The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke. The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup. The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil. At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results: The first worm in alcohol - Dead. The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead . Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead . Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive. So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration? Maxine, who was sitting in the back, quickly raised her hand and said, "As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two 18 year old lil girlies Hair Fight in High School October 15, 2006 - Des Moines, Iowa - AP Two teenagers are accusing each other of assaulting each other by haircut. An 18-year-old Des Moines East High School student told police Wednesday that another teenager came up behind her with a pair of scissors and began cutting her hair. The student claimed that when she tried to get the scissors away from her attacker she was cut on her hand and face. Officers then interviewed the female suspect, also an 18-year-old. She claimed it was the other student who picked up the scissors and began furiously cutting her hair. The suspect was missing "a large quadrant of hair from the front of her head," according to a police report. Officers are investigating both claims. No charges have been filed. Crime scene investigators were called to take photographs of injuries and haircuts. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== =========================================== Mycheers Fall Postcards Huge selection, all of them free postcards. =========================================== Thanks to Allen for this story: Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car. We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000 feet above the Arkansas River. Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the car across this bridge," I finally said. "What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a rental." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what? I've found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no over- time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!" "That's great," his wife said. "Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Libby Re: Not getting subscription Webby, I didn't receive my Humor Letter Yesterday or Today. I have call my ISP Bellsouth and had them check it out. They tell me that there is no problem on their end. I wanted to check with you and see if everything is ok on your end. (I'm sure it is, just checking) I also checked with McAfee to see my spam settings. Nothing on my PC has changed. All settings are the same as they have been for the last 5 years. I checked my mail thru Bellsouth.net and Outlook Express. It didn't come thru on either one. However I did go to the web site and read the Humor Letter so that I wouldn't miss anything. Thanks for making that option available to your readers. If you can give me any other options to check it would be greatly appreciated. Your Fan Always, Libby Dear Libby libby*****@bellsouth.net|Libby|humor That tells me that your subscription has been sent to you today and every day. Well, it has been sent TOWARDS you. Once it has entered the server of Bellsouth.net, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If your probems with Bellsouth persist, just get a gmail address. You can set your gmail address to forward a copy to your bellsouth address. That will help you pinpoint exactly where the problem is. If you need a referral to gmail, let me know. It only takes a second to generate one. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== One day our Little niece Rita, went up to her mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?" My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally got her composure. She thought it was time her daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told Little Rita how the expression of love resulted in the beginning of life, how life developed in the womb and finally how a child was born. As my sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes got wider and wider. When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow, that's really neat. That sure better than what Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came from Toronto." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 16, 2006 - Kenowa, West Virginia - AP Ric Griffith already has 2,400 pumpkins in his back yard and there are 600 more to be delivered. He said his wife calls his annual pumpkin craze an obsessive-compulsive disorder, but those who visit the "Pumpkin House" on Halloween might call it an astonishing display. Griffith has carved a total of 25,798 pumpkins since 1978. As the number of pumpkins he attempted to carve each year multiplied, more and more volunteers have been needed to help with the process. "The most important part is scooping out the guts of the pumpkins," he said. "We have hundreds of volunteers who start coming on Oct. 25 to help." Griffith said Habitat for Humanity sends volunteers each year who collect the seeds and the other pumpkin innards to make pies, breads and other treats. They sell them in a fundraiser. This year, the 57-year-old pharmacist plans to work a new, high-tech display that will be made up of a 16-by-16 wall of pumpkins playing the "1812 Overture." It'll be done using a computer program that will synchronize lights in the pumpkins with the music. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check the Sell By Date Do you find that milk, meat, cheese, or bread goes bad on you before you have a chance to use it? When shopping, always note the "sell by" date. Most foods will last a week past the "sell by" date. If you don't think you can use it in that amount of time look around for a product with a later "sell by" date. If you already own food you won't be able to use, simply freeze it by the "sell by" date. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at a time, then they'll be fresh and cold." "Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time. You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor." "Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask." Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened. With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest condolences. What happened?" The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing. "No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've gotten married and promised to give up drinking. Hasn't affected my brothers, though." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby Maybe you could tell Jaybird, who types with one finger, that there are keyboards made for someone like him - lefthand or righthand keyboards or there are keyboards that can be used with a mouse instead of his finger. There are many options. He might try this website: http://www.unr.edu/stsv/slservices/drc/ ... oards.html Linda Valentine
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Arturas from http://zverte.com/ for this Bonus Link: Fluid mechanics http://www-math.mit.edu/~bush/bones.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 16: Invisible Counter 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 16, 2006
======================================

I not only use all the brains that I have,
but all that I can borrow.
-- Woodrow Wilson

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture
unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the
conversation.
-- Fran Lebowitz

May your life be as long and useful as a roll of toilet paper.
-- Fortune Cookie

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Two ministers were discussing the decline in morals in the
modern world.  "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was
married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name...?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail again
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I'm a LIFE-AND-CAREER coach, and one morning a prospective client called for an appointment. I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. "Clarity," he said very firmly. "And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" I probed. "Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I don't know." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Taliban Smokers wanted Troops battle 10-foot marijuana plants Oct 13, 8:48 AM (ET) OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants. General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana. "The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices ... and as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa. "We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said. Even successful incineration had its drawbacks. "A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hillier said dryly. One soldier told him later: "Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'." Due to the size of the marijuana forests they are now seeking 5000 new recruits with experience setting marijuana on fire and some experience / immunity / resistance to it's effects. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A troop of Brownie Scouts is touring a cathedral, and the children seem especially fascinated by the votive candles in front of a side altar. The leader asks if they'd each like to light one. She explains that it is customary to say a prayer asking for something or giving thanks. "Do you have any questions?" she asks. "No," says one little girl. "But if there's a pony outside, it's mine." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leslie Re: Invisible counter Dear Webby, I want a counter on my page, but because it is still new, the count is embarassingly low. Is there a way to hide it? Leslie Dear Leslie Yes, sure there is. Just use a <.font color="white"> before it, and a <./font> after it. It will blend into your white page and not be visible, UNLESS you wipe the mouse over that exact spot. It is usually easy enough to select a spot where visitors are not likely to wipe their mouse over it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A couple of boys are fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the local game warden jumps out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys throws down his rod and starts running through the woods. The game warden is hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stops to catch his breath, so the game warden finally catches up to him. "All right," the official gasps. "Let's see yer fishin' license, boy!" The boy pulls out his wallet and gives the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," the man says, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replies the young guy, "but that other guy who was back there, whom I don't know, he might not have had a license." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudos to mom. October 11, 2006 - Palatka, Florida - AP A Putnam County teen is accused of printing fake cash. According to police reports, the 16-year-old was turned in by his own mother for making home-made 20-dollar bills. Police said the counterfeit money was not high quality, and there have not been any reports of the counterfeits being used in local stores. The teen told authorities he found the template for his fake bills on a pop-up ad when he was using the computer and that he made them as a joke. The teen is now behind bars at a juvenile facility. Counterfeiting is a federal offense. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Supermarket Mistakes Watch the display screen at the register as your groceries are being rung up. If you are overcharged, speak up. Before you leave the store double check the receipt and make sure that the prices were correct. If you catch the mistake before you leave the store you can quickly get a remedy at the service desk. The majority of all mistakes are not in your favor. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history too. Over 90 percent of American students think BC means Before Cable." -Argus Hamilton ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jaybird Dear Webby, I know very little about the computer and I can only type with one finger. am a disabled amputee and the time I spend with your letters is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for letting me be a part of it. My nickname is Jaybird if you would like to include me as on of your friends. Jaybird
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Arturas from http://zverte.com/ for this Bonus Link: Fluid mechanics http://www-math.mit.edu/~bush/bones.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 15/06: Moped Mirror 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 15, 2006
======================================

Before a war military science seems a real science,
like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.
-- Rebecca West

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran
up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He
became something of a local joke when a newspaper began
keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been
wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar
job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for
leaving his previous position.

In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree
with me."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim: "Bush Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every Democratic politician has to say about that. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dr. Charles Kay of Englewood, Colorado Too slow for 3 day notice October 13, 2006 - Greenwood Village, Colorado Hundreds of patients of a bankrupt Englewood doctor may be at risk for identity theft after his patients' records were dumped in a parking lot when he was evicted from his office Thursday afternoon. Dr. Charles Kay, who runs Orchard Family Practice, was evicted from his office near Belleview and Ulster. The Arapahoe County Sheriff's Department and the building management supervised the eviction while the doctor was not on site. Everything inside the doctor's office was dumped in the parking lot, including file cabinets full of personal patient information. Kay said the documents may contain patients' Social Security records, dates of birth and even addresses. He said he had not had a chance to look at the records that were left out since he had just driven up and saw what was happening. And before he drove up, witnesses say cabinets and desks, some with documents, were carted off by scavengers. Kay had been practicing for 15 years and recently declared bankruptcy. He said he was given a three-day notice before the court-ordered eviction and while he moved all patient folders to a secure location, he didn't have enough time to shred all of the sensitive documents including business records with patients. So, who's responsible for exposing hundreds of patients to identity theft? Is it the doctor, the sheriff's department or the building managers? Tom List, the lawyer for the management company who oversaw the eviction, wouldn't talk. The Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office, which had a deputy on site, has begun an investigation into whether agency policies were violated. A department official said his deputy's "legal requirement is to keep the peace" but "we are also required to exercise good judgement." and "that would not allow for patient records outside where they can be taken and used for identity theft." Considering that a court ordered eviction is a last resort action, usually long after a disobbeyed lease termination, Kay should have had plenty of time to remove the records. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Last time I show this link. The CDs will continue to be available, but apparently only 0.03 % of the subscribers see the value in it. If you decide to get the CD later, just write me and I will send you the link. DearWebby
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Links not working Dear Webby! When someone sends me an e-mail with a link,and I click on the link nothing happins.I am a novis on computers. What should I do to correct this problem. Thank you in advance. Lee Dear Lee There could be many reasons for that, but probably you have pop-ups blocked. First try holding down CTRL and double clicking the link. If still nothing happens, then the link probably has a typo in it. Tell whoever sent it to you, that the link does not work. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Groan Alert: Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2006 - Pensacola, Florida - AP A Pensacola woman threw boiling water at an attacker. Now, authorities are looking for the man who pretended to be a cable repairman to get inside the home. The woman told Escambia County deputies that the attacker showed her a badge identifying him as a cable company employee and she let him in. He then tried to attack her. But the woman threw a pot of boiling water in the man's face and he then fled. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com October Best Buys Plan your meals around items that tend to be cheaper in October. Here's a list of some of the best bets during October. Apples, Beans, Beef, Beets, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Parsnips, Pears, Pork, Pumpkin, Scallops, Sweet Potatoes, Turkey, Turnips, and Winter Squash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Fred for this story: Driving with my son for the first time since he got his permit, I was pleased to see how well he was handling the busy road we were traveling. Then, just past a traffic light, the lanes shifted, and he was straddling the dotted line dividing them. "Get into your own lane!" I yelled urgently. He looked at me in bewilderment. "Which one's mine?" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Supai The Most Isolated Village in the United States http://www.desertusa.com/mag06/sep/supai.html VERY scenic and rewarding hike, especially for cactus photographers. Late April is best, but you better be in good shape, or carry money to hire a mule for the trip back up from the bottom of the canyon. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 14/06: To woo a (wo)man 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 14, 2006
======================================

Think like a man of action,
act like a man of thought.
-- Henri Bergson

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Amber Rose for this report:
How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes,
   no matter whether she tells him about them or not


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN Taxis stop for us. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We have the ability to dress ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandy Sullivan in Madison, Wisconsin Silly Sullivan October 11, 2006 - Madison, Wisconsin - AP Most politicians would want to avoid a sex scandal. But not Sandy Sullivan. She's boasting of her bed-hopping with the Green Bay Packers during the team's glory days in the 1960s. Sullivan is running for Wisconsin secretary of state. She's written of her groupie days in a self-published memoir titled, "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs." The book has people talking in football-crazy Wisconsin. But Sullivan is not given much of a chance of beating incumbent Doug La Follette. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him for a few hours. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: gmail Webby, I writing to ask if you could send me a full version of today's picture. I want to set that as my desktop. It is a great Winter picture. I also want to tell your subscribers about gmail. I've had gmail since June of 2005 and I haven't missed a single issue of the Humor Letter, or any other correspondence, with gmail. They have plenty of features including 2774mb of storage. The gmail notifier lets me know when I get a new message and their spam blocker sends the spam to another folder so I can decide what I do and do not want to read. It also has an easy way for you to set it up with Outlook Express or any other email reader. I've had hotmail and yahoo email accounts but gmail is the best I've used. Lastly, gmail is still in its beta form, so tech support is happy to hear from you and they do reply to your email messages. David Hi David I uploaded the big picture to http://webby.com/humor/i/Wintermoon1024x768.jpg And I will gladly feature your comment about gmail. Ever since you godfathered me into it ages ago, I had the same good experience with it. I mainly use it to test HOW the Humor Letter looks on gmail, and gmail has worked fine every day. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Groan Alert! While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?", the checker said. "Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!", said the checker. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 9, 2006 - Benton, Kentucky - AP A 15-pound pooch that fended off an intruder to defend its owner has earned a spot in the Kentucky Veterinary Medical Association's Animal Hall of Fame. Teddy Bear, a 4-year-old Pomeranian owned by Leslie Ferguson, 24, bit an armed robber in April and created enough of a distraction that Ferguson could escape to a neighbor's house. The dog was inducted into the association's Hall of Fame on Saturday. "My husband was out of town," Ferguson said. "He was on active duty in the military, and I had a guy break into my house with a gun. He tried to force me into another room. We ended up wrestling for the gun, and Teddy bit him and latched onto his hand. I was able to get the gun from the guy. He ended up getting the gun back, but Teddy distracted him long enough where I could get out of the house." Ferguson said Teddy Bear never hesitated, even though he had never been vicious toward anyone. "I guess he realized that I was in danger, and he just took action," Ferguson said. "He did great." "Teddy followed me and pretty much didn't let me out of his sight until the next day," she said. "He still keeps a close eye on me." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sawdust Floor Sweeping Compound Use this recipe to help keep dust down when sweeping your basement garage or workshop. Mix 6 cups sawdust, 2 cups rock salt, and 1 1/2 cups mineral oil and put it in a jar with a lid for storage. To use, sprinkle it on your floor before sweeping. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== An automobile salesman was pleasantly bewildered when he sold a new car to a little old lady, some 75 years of age, who had previously resisted his sales pitch. Elated over his success, he asked her, as he was filling out the necessary papers, what had finally made her choose his car. "Well," she said, "I visited four dealers and mentioned your car to all of them. They all agreed on one thing - that your car has the fastest depreciation of all the cars on the market. That was good enough for me." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I thought you might be interested in knowing that Al Morse sent me the subscription to your Humor Letter. Al was the torpedoman on the PT-319, while I was the torpedoman on the PT-318, both of Motor Torpedo Boat Squadron 5, during the Solomon Islands campaigns and beyond into the Admiralty Islands. We haven't seen each other since 1944, but through the magic of electronics, we can stay in touch. Two octogenarians still around. Regards, Jack Duncan
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jet Beetle http://www.ronpatrickstuff.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 13/06: Calling Tech Support 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 13, 2006
======================================

It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The very frugal business manager was checking on the
travel expenses of his salesmen, when he began to mutter,
then yell.

One of the salesmen worked up his courage and came
over to ask the boss what was wrong.

"Look at this crook's travel expenses," the boss said.
"How could he possibly spend forty dollars a day for
meals in that small town in Ohio?"

"It's easy," explained the salesman cheerfully.
"All you have to do is skip breakfast."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had." The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?" The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Williams Ludlow, 30, of Severn, MD Almost filled out his arrest warrant October 10, 2006 - Severyn, Maryland - AP In this robbery, the suspect took cash -- and also left some behind. Police charged a 30-year-old man after he allegedly left his coin purse in the back seat of a taxi while robbing the cabbie. Inside the coin purse was the suspect's driver's license, Social Security card and paycheck. A 44-year-old cab driver with Diamond Cab Co. in Baltimore told police he picked up the suspect Friday night in Baltimore and dropped him off in Severn. Police said that after the suspect got out of the cab, he started hitting the driver's head. He stole an undisclosed amount of cash and a pack of cigarettes and ran away, police said. The cabbie called police and gave dispatchers the suspect's information. Officers showed up 12 minutes later at the suspect's front door. "We didn't really have to do much," said Officer Sara Schriver, a police department spokeswoman. Officers waited for the cab driver to arrive and identify the suspect. "Sometimes criminals aren't as clever as they think," Schriver said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said together. Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright, in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandy Re: Calling tech support Maybe this guy Neil could/would speak to hotmail/msn/webtv on my behalf? He has the patience of a saint because I don't have any. Im in Australia so I can't just pick up a phone and call their alleged tech people so I have to go via email and I know YOU know already why I don't even bother :-) As for yahoo, perhaps he could talk to them too - none of these cretins even bother sending me a reject/bounce message any more so I have no clue. People have stopped playing my game and I am to assume why - they may have just gone on holiday but I'll never know :-) Sandy. Dear Sandy I have a hunch that Neil uses Skype to make voice calls. With a headset it's not a big deal to wait on hold, and at a penny or less per minute, the cost becomes quite affordable. You can download Skype free at http://skype.com. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2006 - Honolulu, Hawaii - AP Twenty-nine members of Congress have gone to bat for Hawaii bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman. They've sent a letter to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asking her to deny the extradition of Chapman to Mexico. Chapman is the star of the popular A&E television show "Dog The Bounty Hunter." He was arrested last month along with two co-stars for illegal detention and conspiracy for his capture of fugitive convicted rapist Andrew Luster, the Max Factor heir, in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico in 2003. Bounty hunting is illegal in Mexico. Luster, brought back to the United States, is now serving a 124-year prison term. The capture led to Chapman's TV show. The letter said it seems Mexican authorities are pressing the case only because they are stung by the embarrassment of failing where Chapman succeeded. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Waxed Floors Prolong the life of waxed floors by using a dust mop instead of a broom. Broom bristles are harder on the wax than a soft dust mop. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== An Australian bank officer heard the following explanation for a farmer's money troubles: He said, "It all started back in 1966 when they changed pounds to dollars, me bloomin' overdraft doubled. Then they brought in kilograms instead of pounds and me wool clip dropped by half. Then they changed rain to millimeters and we haven't had a inch of rain since. They brought in Celsius and it never got over 40; no wonder me wheat wouldn't grow. Then they changed acres to hectares and I ended up with half the land I had. By that time, I'd had it and decided to sell out. I got the place in the agent's hands and they changed from miles to kilometers. Now, I'm too far out of town for anyone to buy the stinking place."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Butter Crocks http://webexhibits.org/butter/crocks.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 12/06: Problems at Shaw.ca getting worse 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 12, 2006
======================================

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're
not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
-- Franklin P. Jones

I like rice.
Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
-- Mitch Hedberg

He who opens a school door, closes a prison.
-- Victor Hugo

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Bunny for this:
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs
on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that

she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle
today."

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Use gmail, AOL or hotmail for anything important.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A missionairy discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionairy soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the missionairy the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionairy asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elmer Williams of keystone heights, Florida Toook his (wife's) kids along to burglar her mother's house. October 10, 2006 - Keystone Heights, Florida - AP A Clay County man has been accused of using his kids in a burglary. The children told police they helped their father, Elmer Williams, get inside the house belonging to the mother of his estranged wife. Williams was later arrested and taken to jail. According to the arrest report, Williams had his children go through a hole in the wall where an air conditioner had been and unlock the back door. Williams allegedly took a stereo system, a camera and several collectible swords and knives. The children had been with their father for a weekend visit, and naturally told their mother on Monday, and their grandmother, and the cops. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, Squirrel in today's Humor Newsletter is just adorable thank you. Here is our squirrel devouring pumpkin seeds. We love your computer advice & all of your Newsletter. Nita ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying, "Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Screensaver password Hi Webby! Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password... I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter, it is the best on line.... Sandie Dear Sandie If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box, try this: 1. Log on to the computer as an administrator. 2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts. 3. Click Change the way users log on or off. 4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and the 5) Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box 6.) Click OK and exit User Accounts. You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become effective. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL, so a search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours, the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes nearby. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?" The recruit replied, "On my first day here, you issued me a comb and then proceeded to cut my hair off. On the second day, you issued me a toothbrush and then sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull out my teeth. Finally, on the third day, you issued me a jock strap... and I wasn't about to wait around to find out what would follow that, Sir." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 8, 2006 - Warren, Rhode Island - AP Despite heavy rains that stunted pumpkin growth, a Rhode Island farmer has set what could be a new record for the largest pumpkin in the world. Ron Wallace's pumpkin weighed 1,502 pounds at Saturday's weigh-off competition, heavier than the current Guinness World Record-holding 1,469-pound pumpkin grown last year by Larry Checkon of Pennsylvania. Wallace said at the 13th annual Rhode Island Southern New England Giant Pumpkin Growers Championship that the key to growing a giant pumpkin is the ability to commit to the task from April to October. "Pumpkin growing is a lot of work and you just have to stick with it," he said. It is also weather-dependent. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Chimney If you have a fireplace or wood burning stove, it is the time of year to have your chimney cleaned and inspected. Keeping your chimney maintained can help increase the efficiency of your stove and also helps prevent chimney fires. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== One of many letters from SHAW.CA victims: This one has no profanity in it. From Neil: Dear Webby When I read complaints from your subscribers regarding Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL and others not delivering your letter, I would feel smugly superior that Shaw Cable would not do that. I used to boast about the high level of expertise and good service from Shaw's tech support. That all changed on Oct 8 when I realized that I had not received your letter since October 1. I had been very busy, so I actually had not read most of the email coming into my inbox for about a week. I called Shaw's support line and left my telephone number and name on their system as they assured me I would not lose my place in line and my call would be returned within 14 minutes. As of October 11 at 2:42 I am still waiting for that call and others placed over the next few days to be returned. Today I bit the bullet and remained on hold for 57 minutes until my call was answered. I spent an hour with Shaw to try to get them to pass your email on to my inbox. The first thing Shaw did was blame my router. I know it is not the router that is blocking select emails. But I dutifully followed through on their instructions and unplugged my router and modem to allow them to reset. No change (no surprise) so it was time to move on to the next step. The next step he asked me to take was to delete my accounts from Thunderbird and then set up the accounts again. (This is not the problem either, but I did so without thinking) I did not back up the emails. Now all the emails in my Thunderbird inbox are lost. Bah! Then they said they were not using any filters to block email. I do not use Shaw's online ju$nk filtering as I have used Mailwasher for many years. Tech support did not know what Mailwasher is or does and needed an explanation. Then the support guy asked his supervisor, who said they routinely block servers who send thousands of emails to Shaw customers. The explanation is that any server sending huge numbers of emails must be a sp@@#mmer!! What a stupid way to assess sp@@m! Have they never heard of spoofed email addresses? What about bot nets? I could go on.... I asked him why a legitimate family newsletter like yours was being blocked, but my inbox always contained solicitatio@ns to get rich, I have won the lottery, and of course the inevitable offers to help me enlarge certain body parts, make those parts work better er um harder, etc., etc. He repeated the "tens of thousands of emails from a single server mean the email is sp@@m. I replied by quoting your reply (verbatim) to Cindy about her problem with Shaw. (See the archived copies of DearWebby's letters at http://webby.com/humor/blog/ for the reply. He repeated that Shaw blocks servers that send "tens of thousands of emails to Shaw customers because they are sp@@am." I asked him about the likelihood of them blocking newsletters from other places like Cloudeight, ZD Net, and Lockergnome to name a few. He said that was possible. I explained that I pay for subscriptions to some of these newsletters, and I would be angry to have them blocked. I said that I pay Shaw to connect me to the internet and provide email service--not to be my Mommy and censor my email. He was unmoved. I argued that this was the same as your mailman deciding to throw out some of your mail because he didn't like Reader's Digest, or any other advertising flyer. He remained unmoved (or didn't get it.) According to the tech support guy he has sent a ticket to allow Webby's newsletter back through to my and other subscribers email boxes. He said it might take two or three days to get the ticket out to everyone in building(!!???!!!?). He also said we would have to go through the whole rigamarole again if Shaw chooses to block other newsletters. What a bunch of horsepuckey!! Feel free to post this in an upcoming letter. Maybe someone higher up in Shaw will read this and do something. (no, I won't hold my breath) Neil Dear Neil The mail at Telus, Shaw's competitor, started working on Sept 28, just as if they had fired their "tech". On Oct 1, the mail problems, that Telus used to have, mysteriously appeared at Shaw.ca. By the way, there are not "tens of thousands" of subscribers with shaw.ca addresses. There are less than 500 left. All the others have already upgraded their mails to gmail, hotmail or AOL. Yes, pretty sad when Shaw is making AOL look good by comparison! Forget trying to get results going through their IT department. As you noticed, they have no clue and resent it, when you try to confuse them with facts. Your only hope is to reach Shaw's management through letters to the editors of local papers. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Missouri Skies http://www.missouriskies.org/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 11/06: Change Passwords 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 11, 2006
======================================

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
-- Scott Adams


Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
 I took the one less traveled by,
 And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident,
an Anchorage man answered his door
to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry, Mr. Wilkes, but we have some information about
your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkes shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some
bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkes said,
"Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said,"I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkes. Swallowing hard, he asked,
"What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12
twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness
crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkes demanded, "If that's the good news,
what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again
tomorrow!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail Shaw.ca for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this recommendation: Advice for the ladies...decades too late perhaps!! If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section Get a dog. If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you Get a dog. If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it Get a dog If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want Get a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies Get a dog. If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores Get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually Get a dog. But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness... Then................. Get a cat! ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to October 9, 2006 - Dallas, Texas - AP A 62-year-old retired accountant from Nevada swallowed 247 peppers in eight minutes to win the Jalapeno Eating World Championship at the State Fair of Texas. Richard LeFevre won $2,000 for prevailing in Sunday's contest, which was sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. ''I love to eat, and I love to compete, so the two go pretty well together,'' said LeFevre, the world's eighth-ranked eater according to the federation. LeFevre, who has also won the fair's World Corny Dog Eating Contest three times, said his winning strategy was to mix three or four peppers in his mouth with a swig of milk before swallowing. LeFevre was one of four professional eaters who took the top four places in the competition. Sonya ''The Black Widow'' Thomas said she had never eaten a jalapeno before the contest. Ranked third in the world by the federation, she downed 239 peppers to take second place and $1,000 in prize money. Christopher Huang, of Arlington, entered the competition even though he doesn't normally eat spicy foods. ''I eat mild salsa,'' Huang said. ''But there's nothing like putting yourself through a lot of pain for no reason.'' The 26-year-old required several minutes of recovery time after eating 53 jalapenos. ''I cant feel my face,'' he said when he was able to speak again. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Thanks to Katie for this story: A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She startled her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Change Windows Password Dear Webby, In case anybody asks you how to change their Windows XP password, here is the info: Start> Control Panel>User Accounts>Click User Accounts> click PICK an Account to Change Up pops a page asking what you would like to do, so you choose "Change My Password" The End... Just follow the prompts Ann Dear Ann Sounds simple enough! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 6, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Communicating with hand gestures and facial expressions, two police detectives and a crime scene photographer helped deliver a baby to a woman who cannot speak English. Detectives Vincent Lopez and Dolores Beaver said they were investigating an armed robbery early Thursday when a passer-by told them there was a woman who might be in labor three blocks away. The partners found the woman, a Hmong, on the steps of a daycare center. The baby was breach and the woman, 27, was in pain, Beaver said. So she, Lopez and their photographer, John Heim, called the medical unit and got to work. The passer-by who first noticed the woman also stayed to help, they said. "We told her 'You need to push' and made facial expressions and before you knew it, the baby was coming out," Beaver said. By the time the medical unit came, all but the baby's head had made it out. The baby, a boy, was fully born in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, Beaver said. When the trio visited the new mother and son at the hospital, she smiled at them, they said. A Hmong interpreter at the hospital told them the woman lived on the street. She was trying to get to her sister-in-law's to call for help but she was in such pain she had to stop, Beaver said. The police department would not comment on the condition of the mother or the baby. It also would not release her name. All three said the mother and her baby's life may have been in jeopardy if the passer-by hadn't gotten their attention. The trio, who spoke at a news conference Thursday morning, also said it was nice to be able to help. "We see so much out there that's bad," Beaver said. "This was our chance to help and bring a life into this world." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avocado Peels When peeling an avocado, leave a little fruit on the inside of the avocado skin and use it to scrub your face. The peel will help remove dead skin and avocado fruit makes a great moisturizer. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and then rinse it off. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== "HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are you sure?" she asked. "I'm sure," I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied. "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I thought this might be a good site to share with your readers. http://www.records.com/default.php Keep up the good work. I really enjoy reading your Humor Letter every day. I also vote daily. Dani
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Berlin http://www.picturethecity.com/pictures/ ... ope/berlin ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter: Problems with Shaw 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 9, 2006
======================================

Happy Thanksgiving Day in Canada!
I want to thank you for sticking with me,
voting for me, and for not getting too upset
at the occasional typos.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

  Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
  The 911 operator told Bubba that she would
  send someone out right away.

  "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

  Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

  The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

  There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
  "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick
  her up there?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Ten Step Guide To Being Handy Around The House 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. Harleys, on the other hand, are easier to work with on the coffee table in the living room. Since it probably will never run again anyway, at least it will make a nice conversation piece. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old. 6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on" ; or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Candace Longworth, 31, of Bastian, Virginia Grave Robber October 6, 2006 - Rocky Gap, Virginia - AP A high school science teacher is charged with breaking into a century-old funeral vault, handling the remains of a corpse, and taking photographs of two students holding the bones inside the crypt. Authorities have charged Candace Longworth, 31, of Bastian, with a felony charge of disturbing and defiling a dead person from a place of burial and two misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The teenagers have been charged as juveniles. "It's not anything anyone would call school-related," said Tazewell County Commonwealth's Attorney Dennis Lee. "It's just bizarre." Longworth has been suspended from her job as a biology and earth science teacher at Rocky Gap High School in Bland County pending the outcome of the legal proceedings, according principal Robert Morehead. She is scheduled for a preliminary hearing Oct. 23. ===========================================
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=========================================== ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." ===========================================
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=========================================== Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" ---------------- Actually, that's from Charlie Chaplin's "GoldRush", the only movie about Canada that I had seen before immigrating in 1970. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cindy Re: Problems with Shaw.ca Dear Webby, I have been a long time subscriber, but for some reason I have not been getting the letter since October 01. I checked my blocked senders list, have tried to re subscribe, and still nothing Suggestions? Cindy Dear Cindy You are subscribed OK, and your Humor Letter has been sent out to you every morning. Once it has entered Shaw's server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You will have to contact Shaw's support and figure out with them whether the problem is on their side or on yours. In the meantime you can browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what I had sent out to you on the current day. Previous days are at http://webby.com/humor/blog We are "The Good Example" for legitimate newsletters and don't need this type of nonsense. The Dear Webby Humor Letter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, it has a privacy policy listed, it has FULL contact information listed, it is sent to verified subscribers only, it has click-on un-subscribe links, it shows the subscriber which of their addresses is subscribed, it has an on-line copy ( at http://webby.com/humor ), it is sent from a company that has never spammed, it is sent from a server that has never been used for spamming, it is sent from a hosting system that does not allow spamming, it has consistent, never changing headers. and it is truly family safe. The Humor Letter always has these lines in the header: From: humor@webby.com Reply-To: humor@webby.com Those lines have not changed in 10 years and can be used for whitelisting With the Listed Sender ID, even the excuse, that spammers may have forged a Webby address as their sender address, falls flat. In summary, there is absolutely NO legitimate reason or excuse for ANY spam complaint regarding the DearWebby Humor Letter or any mail from webby.com, and any complaint only discredits the complainer. You might mention to them, that, if they don't smarten up, they will get an International Sniveling Ninnie award. That award may have helped Telus to smarten up. Telus users reported today, that they got all of their mail for EIGHT days in a row now! Keep up the good work, Telus! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a spike by the right stall so's you know which one I want him to impregnate." The wife, who's from back East and dumber'n a cedar stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it, and the husband leaves for town. The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the barn and the stall with the nail. "This is the cow right here," she tells him. "What's the spike for?" the vet asks. "Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 5, 2006 - Quinter, Kansas - AP Waldo McBurney 104 years old, of Quinter, Kan. has just been honored as America's oldest worker by Experience Works, a group that provides training and employment services for seniors. A 1927 graduate of Kansas State Agricultural College, which is now Kansas State University, McBurney had a nearly 25 year career in agriculture. He now works as a beekeeper. In the last few years he's maintained as many as 100 colonies. But that's just part of his story. McBurney began long distance running at 65, and running competitively at 75. At age 80, he set a Kansas state record for the 10-mile run for runners his age and went on to set records in running, long jump, discus and shot-put into his 90s and 100s at the Senior Olympics. Retirement? McBurney said, "I can't find it in my Bible." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pinch Dead Blooms Pinch off dead blooms from flowering plants. It will help keep your plants flowering longer. If blooms or leaves have fallen onto the soil they should also be removed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== In the cafeteria on the first day of spring semester at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many days until spring break." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Mark Dear Webby Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Glass Harmonica http://www.finkenbeiner.com/GLASSHARMONICA.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 8/06: Getting rid of OE 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 8, 2006
======================================

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling,
is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."
-- James Baldwin

"The price of greatness is responsibility."
-- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ross for this:

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent,
sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

===========================================
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=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: REDNECK VASECTOMY A West Virginia couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision - why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a driver in Orlando, Florida Demolition Derby October 5, 2006 - Orlando, Florida - AP (photo below) Orlando police were shaking their heads Thursday after a driver hit three cars, a curb, and a building without ever leaving the parking lot. The car ended up on its hood in the drive-thru at the Wachovia Bank at Colonial Drive and Bumby Avenue. Police believe the driver was speeding and just lost control. Investigators said, even though three cars and the bank's drive-thru were damaged, it could have been worse. "I'm just grateful all we had was property damage and some minor injures," said Sgt. Barbara Jones, Orlando Police Department. Four people in the car were hurt. ===========================================
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=========================================== Hi Webby, here is a picture from a nice restaurant in North Idaho. And in keeping with that theme, Q. How can you tell if N. Idaho restaurant is nice? A. They have a 3 tooth minimum. Q. What do you have when you have 32 teeth in N. Idaho? A. A family reunion. Q. What is the current major import to N. Idaho A. Californians Have a great day C. Wade Coldiron ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: How to get rid of OE Dear Webby I am writing you from my webtv, however I also have a Dell Laptop with all the Windows ,etc. somehow I have this Outlook Express and sure would like to know how to get rid of it. My other address is ******@netzero.net thanks for any help you can give me. RBN Dear Richard Outlook Depressed comes with Windows. We delete it as part of the set-up of every machine. It's in C:\Program Files. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her. Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her. Then Whatshername comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF* ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2006 - Loudon, Tennessee - Happy News A Knox County woman, along with Whirlpool Corporation and nearly 300 volunteers nationwide, will participate in a weeklong build that will result in the completion of 10 homes on one block in Nashville, Tenn., later this year. Linda Morrison will join approximately 100 other Habitat for Humanity volunteers from across the country, 100 local Nashville volunteers and 100 Whirlpool volunteers as part of the inaugural Whirlpool® Building Blocks program created by Whirlpool. Morrison was chosen to participate in the build because of her commitment to Habitat and the local Loudon County community. Whirlpool® Building Blocks is the signature program of long- time Habitat supporter Whirlpool Corporation. Each year Whirlpool® Building Blocks will recognize an outstanding Habitat for Humanity affiliate in the U.S. and its relationship with its local community by sponsoring a weeklong build in that affiliate's community. This year's build will be held in Nashville Nov. 4-10. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Top Dressing Plants and Trees in Large Pots Since it can be difficult to re-pot plants that are in a large pot be sure top dress them at least once a year. Remove 2 to 3 inches of the soil in the top of the planter and replace it with new potting soil. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== Thanks to Kati for this: ACTUAL AD IN THE CLASSIFIEDS $10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000 Farmington , UT 84025 -Aug 7, 2006 2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a Loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever the H*** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call me, Steve...(801)867-8292 ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I enjoy your humor letter. I don't have the chance to read them everyday but when I do they lift me up and give me a few good laughs. Thanks for taking the time to make my day or night a little more funny! May God Richly Bless You, Lisa H
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jukes http://www.jukeboxgallery.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 7/06: Zone Alarm Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 7, 2006
======================================

 "Liberty, taking the word in its concrete sense,
consists in the ability to choose."
-- Simone Weil

 "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have
vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet."
-- Theodore M. Hesburgh

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.

------------------------------

That reminds me,.....
Shirley, please pay your overdue bill!
My patience is coming to it's end.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Allan for this story: It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..." *Click...* ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pet 'Stage' Parents Conceited Pet Owners October 4, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP Owners of a Rottweiler and other dogs have sued a company called Hollywood Paws for failing to help turn their pooches into stars. More than a dozen pet owners contend the company collected tens of thousands of dollars but never delivered on promises to get film and television auditions for their pets. "I lost a lot of money," said Rachel Armstrong, owner of Goliath the Rottweiler. Armstrong said she believed her dog had the "cool" factor that would get him into music videos and paid nearly $2,000 to Hollywood Paws LLC for training. All she got was a rejection from "The Tyra Banks Show." Attorney Cynthia Mulvihill filed the suit in Superior Court last month. "Who wouldn't want to be told, 'Hey, your member of the family is beautiful and should be in the movies?"' she asked. Hollywood Paws offers training in such media skills as getting a pooch or cat to crawl, freeze or scratch on command. On its Web site, the company warns: "Completing these courses won't guarantee that your house pet will become a screen pet." Hollywood Paws owner Larry Lionetti contends he never promised acting jobs, although he said several animals had won spots in commercials. "Everybody knows down in your town that there are actors and actresses waiting on tables until a part comes along," he said. "Who in L.A. doesn't know this?" ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head, "Whenever I mention sex, they object...." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lisa Re: Zone Alarm problem Dear Webby Yesterday I downloaded the updates for Zone Alarm.... curiously, right after that, internet explorer stopped being able to load web pages. My windows live messenger stopped being able to sign in and pictures in emails started showing up as x's. My email still works though. I called Earthlink, after a few ping tests, they suggested a system recovery. It was TURNED OFF for some reason, when I turned it on... it wouldn't let me go back to any previous restore point! (I have used it once). So... they suggested I reload IE, meaning I would have to save all my personal files and reload my xp system. I tried that, it wouldn't let me, saying that my version of xp is newer than the one that came with the computer. I can't get online to dl another copy of IE so I got one elsewhere on a disc. I loaded IE 7.0 but it won't work either. Now what??? Thanks! : ) Lisa Dear Lisa You are asking a Dodge mechanic what to do, after the Yugo, that you got free at the junkyard, failed to stop at the end of the garage, smashed through it and the air conditioner, and then wound up in the neighbor's pool. I would suggest not making a habit of doing that, no matter how hilarious it appears to onlookers. At this point it's impossible to tell whether your free Yugo caused the problem, or whether it simply allowed bad stuff to enter your machine. The damage is done. Earthlink is right. It's probably fastest to save your data, format the machine and re-install Windows from your original installation CD. To avoid making a habit out of what you did, I would highly recommend that you use McAfee instead of Zone Alarm. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em baptized and part of the congregation. Haven't seen 'em since." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2006 - Marion, Indiana - AP Cheryl Walker is out of the doghouse. For real. She spent 30 days living in a 4-by-7-foot kennel in the Marion area. She is a member of the local Humane Society's board of volunteers. And her stunt raised more than $8,100 to help finance a new animal shelter. Walker said she's glad to be home. But she said she misses her four-legged kennelmates. Walker added that she was crying when she left the kennel. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wax Paper and Curtain Rods Wipe your curtain rod with a piece of wax paper. Your hangers will slide more easily. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Keep trying," snapped the little old lady, "you are not even close yet!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== DearWebby, I am a recent subscriber and just wanted to say thanks for your time and effort you put into your Daily Newsletters. They seem to be a good blend of humor, info and help. Very enjoyable and it shows how much you truly enjoy helping others solve their problems as well. Thanks again, Benster
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Clouds http://pic1.funtigo.com/valuca?g=25544746&cr=1 ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 6/06: Recover lost camera chip files 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 6, 2006
Wear a bit of red on Fridays, to show you support the troops
======================================

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger
than the causes of it.
-- Marcus Aurelius

Confusion is always the most honest response.
-- Marty Indik

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A very nervous man, accompanied by his
nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.

After checking the chart, he nodded and
wrote the man a prescription for a powerful
tranquilizer.

The man asked, "How often do I take these."

"Let's start off with once every six hours. But
they're not for you." replied the doctor. "They're
for your wife."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Eric for this thoughtprovoking story: I was having lunch at PJ's with one of my favourite clients last week and the conversation turned to the government's recent round of tax cuts. "I'm opposed to those tax cuts," the retired college instructor declared, "because they benefit the rich. The rich get much more money back than ordinary taxpayers like you and I and that's not fair." "But the rich pay more in the first place," I argued, "so it stands to reason that they'd get more money back." I could tell that my friend was unimpressed by this meager argument. Even college instructors are a prisoner of the myth that the "rich" somehow get a free ride in Canada. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that everyday 10 men go to PJ's for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If it was paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20. Now dinner for the table only costs $80." The first four are unaffected. They still eat for free. Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share? The men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal. The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage he had put in, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59. Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out the $20," declared the sixth man pointing to the tenth, "and he got $7!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got seven times more than me! "That's true," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks." "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor." The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They were $52 short! ++++++++++++++++++++++++ And that, boys and girls and college instructors, is how Canada's tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Switzerland and the Caribbean. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lemuel, 59, and Julia Redd, 56, of Salt Lake City, Utah Not a wedding prank October 4, 2006 - Salt Lake City, Utah - The Denver Channel The parents of a bride-to-be told their daughter they were taking her on a shopping trip, but then drove to Colorado and kept her there until she missed the nuptials, officials said. Lemuel and Julia Redd have been charged with second degree felony kidnapping. Utah County Attorney Kay Bryson said Tuesday he met with the couple's daughter, Julianna, and her now-husband Perry Myers before charging the parents. "I've never had a case quite like this," Bryson said. "It is strange that parents would go to that extent to keep an adult daughter from marrying the man that she had chosen to marry." The Redds told their 21-year-old daughter they were taking her on a shopping trip Aug. 4 and then drove 240 miles from Provo to Grand Junction, Colo., according to Provo police Capt. Rick Healey. Myers, 23, called police when his bride didn't attend a pre-wedding dinner with his parents that night. The Redds spent the night in Colorado and drove back to Provo, about 40 miles south of Salt Lake City, the next day, Healey said. They arrived after the young couple was supposed to have been married. The couple, both students at Brigham Young University, were married on Aug. 8, three days after the planned wedding, Myers said. "We were just glad about the way it ended. She came back and she was ok. We've moved forward since then," said Perry Meyers. The Redds didn't want their daughter to get married, but the bride has been reluctant to say what happened on the drive. Myers said he and his wife were not discussing details of the car ride but said her parents' objections were not about him. Julianna Meyers said she and her husband requested that officials move forward with the case against her parents. "I just want them to get help," she said. Bryson said after reviewing the police investigation it was clear a crime was committed. Charges were filed Friday. Lemuel, 59, and Julia Redd, 56, are scheduled to make an initial court appearance Oct. 26. If convicted, the Redds could face one to 15 years in prison. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Low budget bridge ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby We just came back home to Australia from a wonderful trip to the USA and my 13 yr old daughter took her new Canon Powershot A430 with a 1.0 GB SD Memory Card to use over there. We had an idyllic stopover in Fiji for 3 days and then had a great time travelling from LA to the Grand Canyon via a lovely little town called Williams on Route 66, Laura happily snapping photos. Spent a day at the canyon then on to Vegas via Hoover Dam. The glitz of Vegas was also great fun to photograph then off to Fresno. It was here that she accidently deleted all the photos she had taken to this point - 700 of them! We are devestated as I don't have a digital camera and so we were both using hers. She still doesn't know how she did it. She said she was trying to move them into a file and then they were gone. Kids these days work things out better than adults, often through experimentation - pity she chose that experiment. Back home, we have removed the disk, plugged it into the computer, and tried to find the lost pics but it looks like they are gone for good. However I heard that there may still be a way of recovering the lost pics. Is that possible? By the way we are VERY impressed with the features and quality of the camera except that it seems too easy to delete photos!! Cheryl Dear Cheryl Too bad you did not go to a cyber cafe in Fresno and write me then! Just go to http://www.sharewareconnection.com/memo ... estore.htm and use that free software to recover the deleted files. Actually, it's not really that easy to delete the files, but there HAS to be the option to do that. Normally, though, you first upload the pictures to your site or your laptop. Personally I don't like uploading from the camera. I use a $12 chip reader that I can plug into any USB port and make the chip act like an additional hard drive on a computer (laptop, hotel lobby machine, cyber-cafe, etc). Dragging them from there to a web site is easy. Once they are on the web, they are safe. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== GROAN ALERT! Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 2, 2006 - Lake Havasu City, Arizona - AP Twin girls share a birthday not only with each other, but with their mother and grandmother. Andria Hundley gave birth to Kaitlin Marie and Malia Rose Zeh on Wednesday, Today's News-Herald reported Saturday. They had been due Oct. 20. Hundley was born Sept. 27, 1978, in Westminster, Calif. Her mother, Rose Caracciolo, was born Sept. 27, 1957, in New York City. "Everybody kept saying, 'Oh, wouldn't that be cool if you had them on your birthday?"' Hundley said. "And I'm thinking, 'Nah, I'll probably have them like a week later so we all don't have to share birthdays.' And it just happened. And now that I think about it -- wow, it's a miracle." The odds of three generations from one family being born on the same day are 1 in 133,225, said Bill Bell, a Census Bureau mathematician, after another such birth in 1991. Caracciolo was not present for her granddaughters' unexpectedly early birth. She was on her way to Mexico to celebrate her own birthday. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing a Large Area Rug Save old belts to use when storing or moving large area rugs. Roll up the rug and wrap a couple belts around it, using the belt buckles to secure the belt in place. The belts are great for preventing the rug from unrolling and also work as handles for moving the rug. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship off- shore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jim Hi DearWebby. Well here I am again not knowing what I am doing wrong so I will ask you for some help because of your vast knowledge of computers and programs. As you know I downloaded Eudora and I have been playing around with it but I don't know how to send mail to a group of people at 1 time. I have made a folder with the group but I still have to click on each name to put it on the email. On outlook express all I had to do is click on the group name and click on bbc and then send. Is there a way that I can do that with Eudora? Your friend always. Jim Hi Jim In the address book ( CTRL L ) make a new book ( ALT W ) and for example call it INLAWS or OUTLAWS. Then put the addresses into those books. For sending, you just put INLAWS into the BCC field, and it will expand them at send time. Have FUN! DearWebby -------------------------------------------- From Gladys K I really enjoy your Humor Newletter--I am saving all of them in a folder that I keep. I'd like to ask how often per week these are sent? When I first subscribed they were daily and for the past few weeks I get them only two or three times per week. Will you please let me know? Thanks a lot Gladys Kovitch Dear Gladys I send the Dear Webby Humor Letter out every night, in 3 versions: HTML, Large Font HTML for vision challenged friends, and in plain text without pictures. Whenever MSN censors your mail, just browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what the people with better email addresses got in their mail. You can even read previous issues in the blog. You may have to call MSN support and ask them what needs to be done to stop the censorship problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Scenic Missouri Bridges http://www.missouri.gov/mo/mobridges.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 5/06: Get rid of Yahoo Toolbar 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 5, 2006
======================================

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of
their dreams.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
-- James Feibleman

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!"
the shaken man told the police officer.

"The car hit you from behind," the officer said.
"How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"

The man said, "I recognized the laugh!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings. Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?" Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over 500 carrier landings in jet fighters." "That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this will be our first." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larcellus Angelo Scott, 23, of bakersville, California Obnoxious burglar September 30, 2006 - Bakersfield, California - AP A burglar who made himself at home after a break-in overstayed his visit, police said. Larcellus Angelo Scott, 23, had ordered a pizza and was doing a load of laundry Wednesday when Denise Bealessio returned home from work. Bealessio, 51, arrived just as the pizza did. She turned the delivery driver away and was met inside the door by Scott. Scott attacked, but Bealessio was able to escape unharmed. A neighbor called police, who found Scott rummaging through Bealessio's purse. He had written one of Bealessio's checks to pay for the pizza. He was arrested on suspicion of burglary, robbery and forgery and was being held Friday in Kern County Jail in lieu of $85,000 bail. Scott used to live next door, Bealessio said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my Cookie for sending these pictures: "Officer, it's this green hair dye! I can't do a thing with my hair in the rain! ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== The teacher brought a Venus statue in class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert." "The artwork," says Robert. "Very good. And you, Peter?" "Her boobs!" says Peter. "Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?" "I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Get rid of Yahoo toolbar Dear Webby. How to get rid of the Yahoo toolbar ? Every time I open up internet explorer the yahoo toolbar is there instead of internet explorer and I hate getting into Outlook this way...Want IE to be there... and the Outlook express. Thank you for all you past help. J Dear Jaye There are two ways to uninstall the Yahoo! Toolbar for Internet Explorer. Option 1: Via the toolbar() Select "Uninstall" from the Pencil button (Toolbar Settings). Click "Uninstall" on the uninstall page. Close any open IE windows. When you restart Internet Explorer, Yahoo! Toolbar will no longer be present. Option 2: Via the Control Panel Click the Windows "Start" button. Select "Control Panel" from the "Settings" menu. Double-click on "Add/Remove Programs". Scroll down and click on the "Yahoo! Toolbar" entry. Click on "Change/Remove." Close any open IE windows. Yahoo! Toolbar is now uninstalled. Please start IE again after closing all your open IE browser windows and it will no longer be present. If you follow these steps and Yahoo! Toolbar is still present, make sure you've closed all your open IE browser windows. Due to Internet Explorer being integrated with Windows, you might need to restart your computer to fully uninstall Yahoo! Toolbar. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep....?!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried. "I was going to a lecture." "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, sure," said the drunk. "Sometimes my wife stays up longer than that just to lecture me." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2006 - New York - Reuters A poem by one of America's best-loved poets, Robert Frost, has been discovered 88 years after it was handwritten in the front of a book and will be published next week. The poem was found by a graduate student among uncatalogued books and manuscripts bought by the University of Virginia and once owned by Frost's friend, Frederic Melcher, founder of publishing industry trade journal Publishers Weekly. The 35-line poem, called "War Thoughts at Home" and dated 1918, was apparently inspired by the death of a fellow poet in World War I. Student Robert Stilling said he was alerted to the poem by a 1947 letter by Melcher in which he referred to an unpublished poem handwritten in a copy of Frost's book "North of Boston." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heavy Lifting When you are lifting something heavy, bend your knees, not your waist. Use your legs to support the weight. You'll put less pressure on your back that way. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Guinn and JoAnn You are so right about Mailwasher! We have been using it since it's inception and it has saved us from downloading hundreds, maybe thousands of spam messages. We just had our first problem with Mailwasher, but it was not their fault. Our laptop crashed and, when trying to put it back together, we accidentally re-installed an old version of Mailwasher. Their support staff came to our rescue immediately and had us up and running again with just one request from us. Makes Microsoft Support look sick! Guinn and JoAnn
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sculptures http://www.skep.com/sculpture/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 4/06: Program into Start Menu 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 4, 2006
======================================

Where facts are few, experts are many.
-- Donald R. Gannon

If people never did silly things,
nothing intelligent would ever get done.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Don wrote about the toolbox tip:
After reading the helpful hint about assembling the small
tool box I have a suggestion.  The contents of the box will
be cleaner and easier to use if the "screwdrivers" are put
in a small thermos.

That went right over my head.
Don had to 'splain that the screwdrivers, that he was
referring to, were liquid refreshments.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Telus for losing mail hotmail for losing more mail than usual
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer... Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it. Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded: Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented Windows command that may fix the problem. Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just click on START, RUN, type into that field the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' and hit ENTER. Everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes. About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer. Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using? Customer: XP, SP2 Technician: Well, that may be your problem. That version of XP doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out. When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again. Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply. Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with the NOSMOKE command. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rose Webste, 39 of Port ST. Lucie, Florida Dumb way to play the lottery September 27, 2006 - Port ST. Lucie, Florida - Ap A Port St. Lucie woman won't be keeping the $200 she won from scratch-off lottery tickets. That's because police said 39 year old Rose Webster stole the roll of scratch off tickets from the gas station where she works. Authorities said Webster redeemed her winnings at another local convenience store and used the cash to buy a money order and cigarettes. Employees at that store were able to identify Webster through a photo lineup. Detectives said she confessed to the crime and may have done it because she was upset her hours at work had been cut back. Webster is charged with grand theft. She remains in St. Lucie County jail on $2,500 bail. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures: Main Street Town Entrance Gmunden, a quaint little town in Austria. Note the date that the town was officially incorporated: 1278 ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Never been hurt at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck no. Damned varmint bit me on purpose." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== "Dad, will you do my math homework? I promised the neighbor to help him fix his fence and it's going to be late by the time we finish." "I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right." "Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try. Wrong answers don't count as bad as no answers." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Program into start menu Dear Webby How do I get a program that I use a lot into the start menu, so that I don't have to keep searching for it every time? Anna Dear Anna Find the program with the file explorer, right-click it, and in the grey menu that shows up, scoot way down to where it offers you to pin it to the start menu. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Two hunters are out in the woods of kentucky when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's actually dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what next?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only one finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson who was in the car with me what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2006 - Sudbury, Suffolk, UK - Ananova Ten Tesco staff have won £7.5million on the Lottery - but decided to carry on working. The women, who work at a store in Sudbury, Suffolk, had one of the two winning tickets to share Saturday's £15 million jackpot. They have each won a £750,000 share, reports The Sun. A spokeswoman for Tesco said: "We obviously want to congratulate them on their good fortune. It's marvellous. "It's too early to say if any of them is planning to resign. All I can say is that they've all turned up for work again." A store insider said: "It is easy to tell who they are - they are the ones with huge grins on their faces! ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toilet Overflowing When your toilet is overflowing, quickly reach for the shut off valve behind your toilet. Once you have the water turned off, then work on the clog. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Thanks to Bob for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. Since I am an attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn," she said. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby: Thanks for the article on Colliding with Death at 37.000 ft. At least we now know a bit more on what really happened up there. I live in Argentina, but travel a lot to Brazil, and Gol has one of the best and newest fleets. It was a shock to read about the accident, especially in an area where it is almost impossible to collide with anything, as very few planes take that route. The survivors are definitely living on "lent" time, aren't they? Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sculptures http://www.skep.com/sculpture/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 3/06 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 3, 2006
======================================

Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother
before his sister does.
-- Evan Esar

If you don't know where you are going,
you will probably end up somewhere else.
-- Laurence J. Peter

"I'm in favor of liberalized immigration because of the
effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about
everybody in,
except the English."
-- Calvin Tillin

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Ed told me his buddy came in late one day because
his car lock had become frozen. The guy defrosted it by
holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just
"slide" through the ice.  The guy said, "That worked so well
I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens
again."

Ed said, "How will you get them out?"

--------------------
A lighter works fine too. But don't try that trick without
gloves! The hottest part of the key is the part that you
shield from the wind, with your fingers.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for losing more mail than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said. "That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on our fence and for two weeks straight they were pulling splinters out of all the neighbors." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rodney McMillen, 36, of Covington, Kentucky Kentucky Tarzan September 29, 2006 - Mitchell, Kentucky - AP A northern Kentucky man wearing only a thong and carrying a knife allegedly videotaped himself attempting a burglary, then left the tape behind, police said. That evidence ultimately led to his arrest, Fort Mitchell Police Chief Steve Hensley said. Rodney McMillen, 36, of Covington was charged over the weekend with first-degree burglary. "This is a very, very bizarre case, to say the least," Hensley said. McMillen allegedly broke into a woman's apartment about 3 a.m. EDT on Sept. 20, clad in only thong underwear and carrying a knife, Hensley said. The woman fended off the attacker, who left the apartment and fled into a stand of trees near the apartment complex, Hensley said. Investigating officers found a video camera the burglar left in the apartment, Hensley said, and found video of McMillen's family on the end of the tape, Hensley said. Investigators were able to identify some of them and tracked down McMillen at his mother's house in Norwood, Ohio, Hensley said. McMillen was lodged in the Hamilton County Justice Center in Cincinnati on $50,000 bond, awaiting extradition to Kentucky. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture and story: I thought each of you could use a little comic relief today. Here's the story. A city councilman, Mark Easton, lives in this neighborhood. He had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built. Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new neighbor had some great arguments about this as you can imagine - not great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line - no doubt at great expense. Recently, Mark Easton called the city and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found... ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!, what's that little green thing you've got down there?" The little green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what is that thing, anyway?" The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun." "A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never knew leprechauns were so ugly!" The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts. "You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have peckers." "How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman. "They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rhonda Re: Comcast For Judy RE: Comcast Pick up your phone every single time your connection is slow or down. Ask for an event number and write it down. I had problems and after MANY calls they finally sent a tech out. (make sure you aren't paying for the tech also) I kept their tech in my house for almost 6 hours so he could also experience high priced, always on internet connection. It also wouldn't hurt to ask for a credit on your bill. After all, you are paying for 24/7 connection. Below is a link to the speed test site their tech used on my machine. Run a test on a good day and record it. Good Luck Rhonda Thanks Rhonda! Another good speed test is http://www.internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/ Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while to look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond. I only came to feed the alligator." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - Manchester, New Hampshire - AP Talk about customer service. When a would-be robber pulled a knife on a customer in Yogi's Convenient Mart in Manchester and demanded money, the store clerk didn't reach for the cash register. Instead, Richard Cote swung into action: He grabbed a baseball bat from behind the counter and whacked the robber. Twice. Cote said he just reacted spontaneously to protect his customer. The attempted robbery yesterday and Cote's swift reaction were all recorded on a store surveillance video. After getting hit by Cote's swinging bat, the man ran and dropped the knife outside the store. Police arrested Christopher Johns, 36, in connection with the botched robbery. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Small Handy Tool Box Put together a small tool box for making minor repairs around the house. Fill it with the essentials: hammer, screw drivers, a chisel, pliers, scissors, a small level, a tape measure and anything else you find yourself needing frequently. Keep it in a safe convenient place and make sure all the tools and the tool box is put away when it's done being used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Even though plastic toolboxes are quite cheap nowadays, you can often find metal fishing tackle boxes at yard sales for even less. Keep an eye out for one that is strong enough to stand on, and that is lockable. Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== After a round of golf, 4 elderly ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?" The first said she had a good round...making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was. The second lady then quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "riders"?" The bar tender simply smiled and said: "A 'rider' is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts If you want to link to the Daily Pervert Alerts, you are most welcome. You can even pull the Pervert Alerts right into your page automatically, without having to re-upload the new ones daily. Just paste the following code at the spot in your pages where you want the Pervert Alerts to appear. Just the code between the lines: ======================================== ======================================== With some types of email programs, you can even paste that code into your signature box. Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, "How come you aren't married?" Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house- keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must -and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Collision at 37,000ft http://snipurl.com/xv7q ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter Oct 2/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 2, 2006
======================================

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is,
in the end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do.
 -- John Ruskin

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone
bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so
desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins
to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again
prays... God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business,
my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night
comes and Brandi still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken
me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children
are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win
the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens
open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself.
"Brandi, meet Me halfway on this."

"BUY A TICKET"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for losing more mail than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Lynn for this report: Some archaeologists were exploring when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old woman stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. The message says, "Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa Dopey crook September 30, 2006 - Cedar Rapids, Iowa - AP A man who police say was caught with two pounds of marijuana allegedly told officers the drug wasn't his because he had stolen the dope. Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and failure to affix a drug tax stamp. When police found him with the marijuana, he said he had stolen it from a nearby business that he had just broken into, court records show. Linn County Attorney Harold Denton said it doesn't matter how Robison got the marijuana, only that he had it. "If you steal it, you steal it and you possess it," Denton said. "It's a double whammy." Robison was caught by officers after they saw him running from the area early Tuesday, police said. A burglary charge was being considered but had not been immediately filed. The investigation also led to a possession with intent to deliver charge being filed against Ruban Rivas, 36, for allegedly having the marijuana at the business that Robison broke into, court records show. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Mike for this picture: "My daughter-in-law was helping her mother sort flags for an auto-dealer promotion. Her cat, Bubbles, decided the flags were her personal decorations. Mike" ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A cop saw a woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the woman, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded the blonde, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there.." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Comcast Hi Webby. I hope you can help me with internet connection problem. I'm connect to cabel,but there are time when I have low power and I cannot connect to the internet. It will be off for several hour and sometime longer.This has happen many times. They have changed the cabel modem box and a connection outside. When The repair man test my computer every thing is o.k.. Comcast has decided the problem is with the outside cabel. Hope you can help or tell me where I can go for help. Judy Dear Judy There is nothing you can do on your end about poor cable quality somewhere between your house and the station. Comcast probably does not even own the cable, but just piggybacks on a local cable company's cable. Theoretically they could raise a fuss with the local cable company, but usually they can't be bothered. Switching to a different provider piggybacking on the same cable probably would not make any difference. Switching to DSL, if it is available in your area, would generally give you more reliability, but a bit less speed. In the meantime, all you can do is yell at Comcast and hope they will get the local cable company to fix the problem. If any Comcast victim has found an effective way to deal with this problem, please write! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make! ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk". =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - San Francisco - NBC From the notes on the page to the mind of a genius, Elizabeth Blackburn says many things inspired her to pursue a life in science. "I loved animals," she says. "And I got very interested in the whole question of science, and how living cells are made up." Inside cells she found a protein called telomerase that determines the life span of cells. It is nothing less than crucial to aging, stress, cancer and many other diseases. Is her research going to allow people to live forever? "My research won't allow people to live forever," says Blackburn. "If you could live out that life in a healthy way, that to me would be much more what my research is about." It has worked out so well that Friday she received the Lasker Award, sharing with two others the highest recognition in American science. "It does show that women can succeed in science," says Blackburn. "And more and more I've felt that that's an important message to be sending to younger scientists as they come into research." Many believe Blackburn could also win the Nobel Prize for Medicine on Oct. 2. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Wood Furniture When you are storing nice wood furniture, make sure you store it in a dry, well ventilated room. If you store it in a damp basement, you could discover moldy and warped furniture when you go to retrieve it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Worm Farm No barking and no hairballs... the perfect hobby: http://www.wormfarm.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 1/06 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 1, 2006
======================================

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-- George Carlin

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little
man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman
on the phone.
-- Woody Allen

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch,
"You've got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in
bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond, Indiana Explosive temper September 28, 2006 - Hammond, Indiana - AP A man upset that his neighbor's children contributed to breaking his wife's eyeglasses is accused of trying to bomb the neighbor's house in retaliation. David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond is charged with detonating a destructive device with intent to intimidate or destroy and manufacturing a destructive device. He faces 58 years in prison if convicted on both counts. The neighbor told police she was visiting Michielsen's wife Sunday when her children and Michielsen's broke the glasses. Michielsen ordered her and her children to leave, a probable cause affidavit said. Later that night, he called the neighbor and demanded a pair of glasses he could use to fix his wife's broken ones. The neighbor told police she complied, but Michielsen threw the glasses into her house about 10 minutes later, saying they wouldn't work. About an hour later, the woman heard a noise and looked outside. She saw Michielsen running away and spotted an item on her air conditioner that turned out to be a canister with a lighted green wick, the affidavit states. She extinguished the wick and called police. Police said the canister was an explosive device made from a carbon dioxide container filled with a shiny black powder. A search of Michielsen's home turned up a wick matching the one in the device, a pack of model rocket engines and other items believed used to make the device, police said. Michielsen was released after posting $50,000 bond. He is scheduled to make a formal court appearance on Oct. 6. Michielsen could not be reached for comment because his telephone number is not listed. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: =========================================== The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS". ===========================================
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=========================================== Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol D Re: Kodak EasyShare Hi Webby, I just installed an updated version of Kodak EasyShare. Now whenever I boot up in the morning, the first thing I see is Kodak EasyShare. Is there a way I can stop this? I am not sure where to look to fix this. I am running Windows XP. You have helped me before and I am confident you can do it again. Thank you for an enjoyable read each morning with my coffee. Carol D Dear Carol I have never used Kodak EasyShare and have no clue about the settings in that program. Best would be if you called their Support. If you can't get help from them, use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy to take Easyshare out of the start-up queue. Have FUN! DearWebby Thank you so much for your help. I have the Spybot program and love it. I'll use that to delete it from my start-up menu. I knew you'd have the answer! Carol ========================================== An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - Sitka, Alaska - The Scotsman A special ring that heats up to remind husbands and wives of wedding anniversaries has been created. Makers of the ring, which heats up from hand temperature to 115F-120F in a 10-second burst on the day before the anniversary, said it could put an end to rows over forgotten dates. The Remember Ring, which is currently a concept product not yet in stock at Goldsmith Gallery, Sitka, south east Alaska, will eventually sell for around $700.. Inventor Cleve Oines, 26, is currently working on a prototype of the ring, which should be available in 2007. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Sun and Antique Furniture Sunlight makes dark wood lighter and light wood darker. Prevent uneven discoloration of antique furniture by keeping it away from windows that receive direct sunlight. Once a piece of furniture has changed color, you may need to completely refinish the piece to restore it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in a long time. As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, an' he's got gold medals, an' he's got a Purple Heart on!" to which the mother replied, "I don't give a hoot what color it is! You got 10 seconds to welcome him, then you go play at the Jones's until supper time." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Hi Webby Just a line to stay in touch and to tell you that todays picture of the view from your office of The Chinook Arch is FANTASTIC!! No one paints prettier pictures than Mother Nature and you do a great job of capturing and sharing them. I know I have written this many times to you but need to say thanks again for the entertainment, the wake-up info, and the news about the *sicko perverts* activities, the places to find good software, and last but not least...all of the great computer assistance, you are a treasure and I appreciate you!! Cookie P.S. I group those perverts in the same band with cowardly terrorists. Dear Cookie I appreciate you and all of your contributions too! If you want the original picture, uncompressed and at 1600x1200, it's at http://webby.com/humor/i/after-sunset092906-1600.jpg Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Real Names of celebrities http://www.changednames.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 30/06 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 30, 2006
======================================

What can you say about a society that says that
God is dead and Elvis is alive?
-- Irv Kupcinet

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has
plenty of work to do.
-- Jerome K. Jerome

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to
earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he
starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and
drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most
popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the
keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla
until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime
puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He
discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he
wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger
crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.

However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires
of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the
people are paying more attention to the lion in the
next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his
audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls
across a partition, and dangles from the top of the
lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo
keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such
a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps
taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his
salary keeps going up.

Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the
lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The
mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help!
Help me!"

The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds
himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.

The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose
our jobs!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under: All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooooo, not with The Australian. "Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline. "Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said. "In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at her keyboard. "Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard no typing. "Too much information?" I asked. "No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on some of the selling points" "Like what?" I asked. "Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower it is." "It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though between the caked-up dry grass." "No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me what make of lawnmower it is?" "I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it." "Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers probably would want to know that. "It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric." "Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked. "I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses." "Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said. "I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new one. Thast's why I want to sell it." "I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can." "Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they can fix the wheels too though." "The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the wheels?" "Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round and round and round, no worries." "But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said. "Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said. "They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though, unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing in the freezer, begins to thaw out. Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power circuit at the same time. Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up." "I see," said the typist. "And....er....how much do you want to ask for it?" "As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in." "Ten dollars a line," she said. "So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked, hoping to get some expert advice. "Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just... "Lawnmower for sale" and your phone number?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raffaele Artesi, 41 from Turin, Italy Italian Mike Tyson September 27, 2006 - Turin, Italy - The Scotsman An Italian musician who could not board his flight because of overbooking was so enraged that he assaulted a Turin airport worker and almost bit his ear off. Raffaele Artesi, 41, had been due to fly to Naples. Artesi was arrested for the attack on Davide Ruzza whose left ear lobe was left dangling after being almost bitten off. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== After sunset from my office. The wide band is a "Chinook Arch". The streak on the right side is the Calgary - Dallas jet getting a bit nervous entering the Chinook's turbulence. =========================================== Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start at least SOME form of communication? Sometimes I wonder. Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo." Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. Volunteers are needed to spit up food. Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess We pray that our people will jumble themselves. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: BreastCancer Site Hi Webby, Please send to someone. It is Important!!!! A favor to ask, it only takes a minute... A SIMPLE CLICK ONCE A DAY! Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The BreastCancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 MORE FRIENDS TODAY, CJW Dear Chuck I have had a link to the breastcancer site in the side menu for many years. To make it more obvious and to illustrate the importance of that daily click, I have now added a new and very clickable little picture. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom." The voice on the other end of the line said, "Finkel...Finkel, Let me see... Feinberg, Farber -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving he is going to send her home Tuesday." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home on Tuesday. I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news." The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family." She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor tells me nothing!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk. One of them asked the other "So, what do you hunt?" He answered "I hunt unicorns." The first hunter was startled, but said "Really? How do you do that?" The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare." The first hunter said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one." The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 28, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Pat Gudinas has finally met her twin sister -- 71 years after they were born. "I've never had anybody in my family," she said at the reunion Tuesday at a suburban restaurant not far from where her sister, Shirley McGuire, lives. The twins were born to a woman who had been with a married man, and they ended up in different foster homes and eventually at St. Joseph Orphanage on Milwaukee's south side. Both girls were told while growing up that they were adopted and had a twin. The efforts by Gudinas to find her sister made significant progress recently when a nun in Chicago who had archival materials from the orphanage provided her with the name of the people who adopted her twin. She hired a genealogist to track her down with the help of public records and newspaper obituaries, and the genealogist showed up at McGuire's door recently, leading to the arrangements for their meeting Tuesday. "It's hard -- all these years I have missed with her," McGuire said after she and Gudinas, who lives near Austin, Texas, shared their first hug and kiss. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Dangers of Co-Signing The chances are that someone will ask you to co-sign for a loan at some point. With a co-signer a person with no credit or bad credit can qualify for a loan that they wouldn't ordinarily be able to get. However, co-signing for a loan is not something that should be done lightly. If the loan goes into default, you will be held responsible for the debt and it can impact your credit rating. Only co-sign on a loan that you are prepared to pay off yourself if it is necessary. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when I got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars per seat." She asked, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Just want to say THANKS for all you are doing in protecting the grieving families of fallen veterans. What in heaven's name are these idiots doing at a grave site that is of no concern to them. Hope there is soon a way to stop them. P.S. I am not an American but I feel for the families. Keep up the good work and maybe they will get the message --You are not wanted here-- Thanks for listening. Cathy Dear Cathy I am not an American either, but American newsletter writers seem to be too chicken to stand up for what is right. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Interprete" target="_blank" >http://tinyurl.com/jle8h">Interprete your dreams http://tinyurl.com/jle8h ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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