Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 16: Invisible Counter 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 16, 2006
======================================

I not only use all the brains that I have,
but all that I can borrow.
-- Woodrow Wilson

No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture
unless absolutely certain that he can hold his own in the
conversation.
-- Fran Lebowitz

May your life be as long and useful as a roll of toilet paper.
-- Fortune Cookie

======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
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Two ministers were discussing the decline in morals in the
modern world.  "I didn't sleep with my wife before I was
married," said one clergyman self-righteously. "Did you?"

"I don't know," said the other. "What was her maiden name...?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) Yahoo Mail for losing mail again
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== I'm a LIFE-AND-CAREER coach, and one morning a prospective client called for an appointment. I asked him what he wanted to get out of our sessions. "Clarity," he said very firmly. "And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" I probed. "Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I don't know." ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Taliban Smokers wanted Troops battle 10-foot marijuana plants Oct 13, 8:48 AM (ET) OTTAWA (Reuters) - Canadian troops fighting Taliban militants in Afghanistan have stumbled across an unexpected and potent enemy -- almost impenetrable forests of 10-feet-high marijuana plants. General Rick Hillier, chief of the Canadian defense staff, said on Thursday that Taliban fighters were using the forests as cover. In response, the crew of at least one armored car had camouflaged their vehicle with marijuana. "The challenge is that marijuana plants absorb energy, heat very readily. It's very difficult to penetrate with thermal devices ... and as a result you really have to be careful that the Taliban don't dodge in and out of those marijuana forests," he said in a speech in Ottawa. "We tried burning them with white phosphorous -- it didn't work. We tried burning them with diesel -- it didn't work. The plants are so full of water right now ... that we simply couldn't burn them," he said. Even successful incineration had its drawbacks. "A couple of brown plants on the edges of some of those (forests) did catch on fire. But a section of soldiers that was downwind from that had some ill effects and decided that was probably not the right course of action," Hillier said dryly. One soldier told him later: "Sir, three years ago before I joined the army, I never thought I'd say 'That damn marijuana'." Due to the size of the marijuana forests they are now seeking 5000 new recruits with experience setting marijuana on fire and some experience / immunity / resistance to it's effects. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A troop of Brownie Scouts is touring a cathedral, and the children seem especially fascinated by the votive candles in front of a side altar. The leader asks if they'd each like to light one. She explains that it is customary to say a prayer asking for something or giving thanks. "Do you have any questions?" she asks. "No," says one little girl. "But if there's a pony outside, it's mine." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Leslie Re: Invisible counter Dear Webby, I want a counter on my page, but because it is still new, the count is embarassingly low. Is there a way to hide it? Leslie Dear Leslie Yes, sure there is. Just use a <.font color="white"> before it, and a <./font> after it. It will blend into your white page and not be visible, UNLESS you wipe the mouse over that exact spot. It is usually easy enough to select a spot where visitors are not likely to wipe their mouse over it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A couple of boys are fishing at their special pond off the beaten track. All of a sudden, the local game warden jumps out of the bushes. Immediately, one of the boys throws down his rod and starts running through the woods. The game warden is hot on his heels. After about a half mile, the young man stops to catch his breath, so the game warden finally catches up to him. "All right," the official gasps. "Let's see yer fishin' license, boy!" The boy pulls out his wallet and gives the game warden a valid fishing license. "Well, son," the man says, "you must be about as dumb as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you have a valid license!" "Yes, sir," replies the young guy, "but that other guy who was back there, whom I don't know, he might not have had a license." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudos to mom. October 11, 2006 - Palatka, Florida - AP A Putnam County teen is accused of printing fake cash. According to police reports, the 16-year-old was turned in by his own mother for making home-made 20-dollar bills. Police said the counterfeit money was not high quality, and there have not been any reports of the counterfeits being used in local stores. The teen told authorities he found the template for his fake bills on a pop-up ad when he was using the computer and that he made them as a joke. The teen is now behind bars at a juvenile facility. Counterfeiting is a federal offense. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Supermarket Mistakes Watch the display screen at the register as your groceries are being rung up. If you are overcharged, speak up. Before you leave the store double check the receipt and make sure that the prices were correct. If you catch the mistake before you leave the store you can quickly get a remedy at the service desk. The majority of all mistakes are not in your favor. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
"U.S. educators are reeling from the low math and science test scores of American students. We bombed in history too. Over 90 percent of American students think BC means Before Cable." -Argus Hamilton ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jaybird Dear Webby, I know very little about the computer and I can only type with one finger. am a disabled amputee and the time I spend with your letters is greatly appreciated. Thanks so much for letting me be a part of it. My nickname is Jaybird if you would like to include me as on of your friends. Jaybird
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Arturas from http://zverte.com/ for this Bonus Link: Fluid mechanics http://www-math.mit.edu/~bush/bones.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 15/06: Moped Mirror 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 15, 2006
======================================

Before a war military science seems a real science,
like astronomy; but after a war it seems more like astrology.
-- Rebecca West

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, a local broadcaster ran
up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He
became something of a local joke when a newspaper began
keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been
wrong almost three hundred times in a single year.

That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired.

He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar
job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for
leaving his previous position.

In the blank he wrote quite honestly, "The climate didn't agree
with me."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The Pope is visiting Washington, DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac sailing on the Presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but President Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning the headlines on CNN and in the AOL/New York Times, Boston Globe, Milwaukee Sentinel-Journal, Minneapolis Tribune, Denver Post, Albuquerque Journal, Los Angeles Times and the San Francisco Chronicle proclaim: "Bush Can't Swim", followed by numerous pages of what every Democratic politician has to say about that. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dr. Charles Kay of Englewood, Colorado Too slow for 3 day notice October 13, 2006 - Greenwood Village, Colorado Hundreds of patients of a bankrupt Englewood doctor may be at risk for identity theft after his patients' records were dumped in a parking lot when he was evicted from his office Thursday afternoon. Dr. Charles Kay, who runs Orchard Family Practice, was evicted from his office near Belleview and Ulster. The Arapahoe County Sheriff's Department and the building management supervised the eviction while the doctor was not on site. Everything inside the doctor's office was dumped in the parking lot, including file cabinets full of personal patient information. Kay said the documents may contain patients' Social Security records, dates of birth and even addresses. He said he had not had a chance to look at the records that were left out since he had just driven up and saw what was happening. And before he drove up, witnesses say cabinets and desks, some with documents, were carted off by scavengers. Kay had been practicing for 15 years and recently declared bankruptcy. He said he was given a three-day notice before the court-ordered eviction and while he moved all patient folders to a secure location, he didn't have enough time to shred all of the sensitive documents including business records with patients. So, who's responsible for exposing hundreds of patients to identity theft? Is it the doctor, the sheriff's department or the building managers? Tom List, the lawyer for the management company who oversaw the eviction, wouldn't talk. The Arapahoe County Sheriff's Office, which had a deputy on site, has begun an investigation into whether agency policies were violated. A department official said his deputy's "legal requirement is to keep the peace" but "we are also required to exercise good judgement." and "that would not allow for patient records outside where they can be taken and used for identity theft." Considering that a court ordered eviction is a last resort action, usually long after a disobbeyed lease termination, Kay should have had plenty of time to remove the records. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== Last time I show this link. The CDs will continue to be available, but apparently only 0.03 % of the subscribers see the value in it. If you decide to get the CD later, just write me and I will send you the link. DearWebby
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock over a lamp and chew on the cushions. The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't you think you should train your dog a little better?" "My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a new ball in another part of the woods. "Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked. Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lee Re: Links not working Dear Webby! When someone sends me an e-mail with a link,and I click on the link nothing happins.I am a novis on computers. What should I do to correct this problem. Thank you in advance. Lee Dear Lee There could be many reasons for that, but probably you have pop-ups blocked. First try holding down CTRL and double clicking the link. If still nothing happens, then the link probably has a typo in it. Tell whoever sent it to you, that the link does not work. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Groan Alert: Two keys hang in an undertaker's office - one for the organ in the chapel; the other for one of the cars in the garage. Two small signs above the keys read "Hymn" and "Hearse." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2006 - Pensacola, Florida - AP A Pensacola woman threw boiling water at an attacker. Now, authorities are looking for the man who pretended to be a cable repairman to get inside the home. The woman told Escambia County deputies that the attacker showed her a badge identifying him as a cable company employee and she let him in. He then tried to attack her. But the woman threw a pot of boiling water in the man's face and he then fled. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com October Best Buys Plan your meals around items that tend to be cheaper in October. Here's a list of some of the best bets during October. Apples, Beans, Beef, Beets, Broccoli, Brussels Sprouts, Cauliflower, Chestnuts, Cranberries, Parsnips, Pears, Pork, Pumpkin, Scallops, Sweet Potatoes, Turkey, Turnips, and Winter Squash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ========================================
Thanks to Fred for this story: Driving with my son for the first time since he got his permit, I was pleased to see how well he was handling the busy road we were traveling. Then, just past a traffic light, the lanes shifted, and he was straddling the dotted line dividing them. "Get into your own lane!" I yelled urgently. He looked at me in bewilderment. "Which one's mine?" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box on a leash, down a busy street. "Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him." "That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man. "It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man. "Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I thought you were a bit touched." The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?"
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Supai The Most Isolated Village in the United States http://www.desertusa.com/mag06/sep/supai.html VERY scenic and rewarding hike, especially for cactus photographers. Late April is best, but you better be in good shape, or carry money to hire a mule for the trip back up from the bottom of the canyon. ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 14/06: To woo a (wo)man 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 14, 2006
======================================

Think like a man of action,
act like a man of thought.
-- Henri Bergson

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Amber Rose for this report:
How to Make a Woman Happy

It's not difficult to make a woman happy.
A man only needs to be:
1. a friend
2. a companion
3. a lover
4. a brother5. a father
6. a master
7. a chef
8. an electrician
9. a carpenter
10. a plumber
11. a mechanic
12. a decorator
13. a stylist
14. a sexologist
15. a gynecologist
16. a psychologist
17. a pest exterminator
18. a psychiatrist
19. a healer
20. a good listener
21. an organizer
22. a good father
23. very clean
24. sympathetic
25. athletic
26. warm
27. attentive
28. gallant
29. intelligent
30. funny
31. creative
32. tender
33. strong
34. understanding
35. tolerant
36. prudent
37. ambitious
38. capable
39. courageous
40. determined
41. true
42. dependable
43. passionate
44. compassionate

WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
45. give her compliments regularly
46. love shopping
47. be honest
48. be very rich
49. not stress her out
50. not look at other girls

AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
51. give her lots of attention, but expect little himself
52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes

IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
54. Never to forget:
* birthdays
* anniversaries
* arrangements she makes,
   no matter whether she tells him about them or not


HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY
1. Show up naked
2. Bring food

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail (not all provinces) If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== BENEFITS OF BEING A WOMAN Taxis stop for us. We'll never regret piercing our ears. We have the ability to dress ourselves. If we forget to shave, no one has to know. New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life. We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point). We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sandy Sullivan in Madison, Wisconsin Silly Sullivan October 11, 2006 - Madison, Wisconsin - AP Most politicians would want to avoid a sex scandal. But not Sandy Sullivan. She's boasting of her bed-hopping with the Green Bay Packers during the team's glory days in the 1960s. Sullivan is running for Wisconsin secretary of state. She's written of her groupie days in a self-published memoir titled, "Green Bay Love Stories and Other Affairs." The book has people talking in football-crazy Wisconsin. But Sullivan is not given much of a chance of beating incumbent Doug La Follette. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== With the divorce rate so high in America, a new organization has been formed called, "Marriage Anonymous." Whenever a man feels like getting married, they send over a woman wearing a torn housecoat, with curlers in her hair and cream on her face, and she nags at him for a few hours. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A sailor, while bringing flowers to a cemetery, noticed an old Chinese man placing a bowl of rice on a nearby grave. The sailor walked up to the man and asked, "When do you expect your friend to come up and eat the rice?" The old Chinese man replied with a smile, "Same time your friend comes up to smell the flowers." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: David Re: gmail Webby, I writing to ask if you could send me a full version of today's picture. I want to set that as my desktop. It is a great Winter picture. I also want to tell your subscribers about gmail. I've had gmail since June of 2005 and I haven't missed a single issue of the Humor Letter, or any other correspondence, with gmail. They have plenty of features including 2774mb of storage. The gmail notifier lets me know when I get a new message and their spam blocker sends the spam to another folder so I can decide what I do and do not want to read. It also has an easy way for you to set it up with Outlook Express or any other email reader. I've had hotmail and yahoo email accounts but gmail is the best I've used. Lastly, gmail is still in its beta form, so tech support is happy to hear from you and they do reply to your email messages. David Hi David I uploaded the big picture to http://webby.com/humor/i/Wintermoon1024x768.jpg And I will gladly feature your comment about gmail. Ever since you godfathered me into it ages ago, I had the same good experience with it. I mainly use it to test HOW the Humor Letter looks on gmail, and gmail has worked fine every day. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Groan Alert! While handing a 25 cent-off coupon to the supermarket clerk at the checkout counter, a woman inadvertently missed her hand, and the coupon slipped beneath the scale and was gone. The checker looked distressed, so the woman said, "That's Okay, it's in coupon heaven now." "Coupon heaven?", the checker said. "Yes", the woman said, "That's where coupons go when they die." "Only the redeemed ones!", said the checker. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 9, 2006 - Benton, Kentucky - AP A 15-pound pooch that fended off an intruder to defend its owner has earned a spot in the Kentucky Veterinary Medical Association's Animal Hall of Fame. Teddy Bear, a 4-year-old Pomeranian owned by Leslie Ferguson, 24, bit an armed robber in April and created enough of a distraction that Ferguson could escape to a neighbor's house. The dog was inducted into the association's Hall of Fame on Saturday. "My husband was out of town," Ferguson said. "He was on active duty in the military, and I had a guy break into my house with a gun. He tried to force me into another room. We ended up wrestling for the gun, and Teddy bit him and latched onto his hand. I was able to get the gun from the guy. He ended up getting the gun back, but Teddy distracted him long enough where I could get out of the house." Ferguson said Teddy Bear never hesitated, even though he had never been vicious toward anyone. "I guess he realized that I was in danger, and he just took action," Ferguson said. "He did great." "Teddy followed me and pretty much didn't let me out of his sight until the next day," she said. "He still keeps a close eye on me." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sawdust Floor Sweeping Compound Use this recipe to help keep dust down when sweeping your basement garage or workshop. Mix 6 cups sawdust, 2 cups rock salt, and 1 1/2 cups mineral oil and put it in a jar with a lid for storage. To use, sprinkle it on your floor before sweeping. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! -------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== An automobile salesman was pleasantly bewildered when he sold a new car to a little old lady, some 75 years of age, who had previously resisted his sales pitch. Elated over his success, he asked her, as he was filling out the necessary papers, what had finally made her choose his car. "Well," she said, "I visited four dealers and mentioned your car to all of them. They all agreed on one thing - that your car has the fastest depreciation of all the cars on the market. That was good enough for me." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I thought you might be interested in knowing that Al Morse sent me the subscription to your Humor Letter. Al was the torpedoman on the PT-319, while I was the torpedoman on the PT-318, both of Motor Torpedo Boat Squadron 5, during the Solomon Islands campaigns and beyond into the Admiralty Islands. We haven't seen each other since 1944, but through the magic of electronics, we can stay in touch. Two octogenarians still around. Regards, Jack Duncan
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jet Beetle http://www.ronpatrickstuff.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 13/06: Calling Tech Support 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 13, 2006
======================================

It's bad luck to be superstitious.
-- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

The very frugal business manager was checking on the
travel expenses of his salesmen, when he began to mutter,
then yell.

One of the salesmen worked up his courage and came
over to ask the boss what was wrong.

"Look at this crook's travel expenses," the boss said.
"How could he possibly spend forty dollars a day for
meals in that small town in Ohio?"

"It's easy," explained the salesman cheerfully.
"All you have to do is skip breakfast."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Shaw.ca users are advised to switch gas, electricity and phone bills to gmail, AOL or hotmail until further notice.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed to work with the new employee, even though he had been warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the job. The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the young man to come into his office at the end of the day. He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had." The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow, I'll try to do even better." "Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment. "How can you possibly do better?" The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow, I am going to read the addresses." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Williams Ludlow, 30, of Severn, MD Almost filled out his arrest warrant October 10, 2006 - Severyn, Maryland - AP In this robbery, the suspect took cash -- and also left some behind. Police charged a 30-year-old man after he allegedly left his coin purse in the back seat of a taxi while robbing the cabbie. Inside the coin purse was the suspect's driver's license, Social Security card and paycheck. A 44-year-old cab driver with Diamond Cab Co. in Baltimore told police he picked up the suspect Friday night in Baltimore and dropped him off in Severn. Police said that after the suspect got out of the cab, he started hitting the driver's head. He stole an undisclosed amount of cash and a pack of cigarettes and ran away, police said. The cabbie called police and gave dispatchers the suspect's information. Officers showed up 12 minutes later at the suspect's front door. "We didn't really have to do much," said Officer Sara Schriver, a police department spokeswoman. Officers waited for the cab driver to arrive and identify the suspect. "Sometimes criminals aren't as clever as they think," Schriver said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood. Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children, if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into it, and I would turn red in the face." "Yes, sir," the class said together. Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright, in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?" A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto," and asked why it was so long. And little Johnny said, "Because, they said it has to have at least four characters." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandy Re: Calling tech support Maybe this guy Neil could/would speak to hotmail/msn/webtv on my behalf? He has the patience of a saint because I don't have any. Im in Australia so I can't just pick up a phone and call their alleged tech people so I have to go via email and I know YOU know already why I don't even bother :-) As for yahoo, perhaps he could talk to them too - none of these cretins even bother sending me a reject/bounce message any more so I have no clue. People have stopped playing my game and I am to assume why - they may have just gone on holiday but I'll never know :-) Sandy. Dear Sandy I have a hunch that Neil uses Skype to make voice calls. With a headset it's not a big deal to wait on hold, and at a penny or less per minute, the cost becomes quite affordable. You can download Skype free at http://skype.com. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 11, 2006 - Honolulu, Hawaii - AP Twenty-nine members of Congress have gone to bat for Hawaii bounty hunter Duane "Dog" Chapman. They've sent a letter to Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice asking her to deny the extradition of Chapman to Mexico. Chapman is the star of the popular A&E television show "Dog The Bounty Hunter." He was arrested last month along with two co-stars for illegal detention and conspiracy for his capture of fugitive convicted rapist Andrew Luster, the Max Factor heir, in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico in 2003. Bounty hunting is illegal in Mexico. Luster, brought back to the United States, is now serving a 124-year prison term. The capture led to Chapman's TV show. The letter said it seems Mexican authorities are pressing the case only because they are stung by the embarrassment of failing where Chapman succeeded. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Waxed Floors Prolong the life of waxed floors by using a dust mop instead of a broom. Broom bristles are harder on the wax than a soft dust mop. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new --------------------------------------------------------------------------
Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! --------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== An Australian bank officer heard the following explanation for a farmer's money troubles: He said, "It all started back in 1966 when they changed pounds to dollars, me bloomin' overdraft doubled. Then they brought in kilograms instead of pounds and me wool clip dropped by half. Then they changed rain to millimeters and we haven't had a inch of rain since. They brought in Celsius and it never got over 40; no wonder me wheat wouldn't grow. Then they changed acres to hectares and I ended up with half the land I had. By that time, I'd had it and decided to sell out. I got the place in the agent's hands and they changed from miles to kilometers. Now, I'm too far out of town for anyone to buy the stinking place."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Butter Crocks http://webexhibits.org/butter/crocks.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 12/06: Problems at Shaw.ca getting worse 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 12, 2006
======================================

The trouble with jogging is that, by the time you realize you're
not in shape for it, it's too far to walk back.
-- Franklin P. Jones

I like rice.
Rice is great if you're hungry and want 2000 of something.
-- Mitch Hedberg

He who opens a school door, closes a prison.
-- Victor Hugo

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Bunny for this:
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs
on her head.

"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."

So she did and she had a wonderful day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that

she had only two hairs on her head.

"H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle
today."

So she did and she had a grand day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.

"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a pony tail."

So she did and she had a fun, fun day.

The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that there wasn't a single hair on her head.

"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"

Attitude is everything.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Shaw.ca for losing mail If you are on Shaw.ca, don't expect a reply to your mails or help requests. Use gmail, AOL or hotmail for anything important.
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A missionairy discovered a tribe of Indians in the Amazon who had never recorded a baptism, confirmation or marriage. The missionairy soon rectified the situation by baptizing everyone. He also married every beaming couple that walked by. Later, the tribal chief told the missionairy the tribe had never had so much fun. The missionairy asked the chief which part they enjoyed the most. "The marriage service," the chief said, smiling. "We all got new wives...!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elmer Williams of keystone heights, Florida Toook his (wife's) kids along to burglar her mother's house. October 10, 2006 - Keystone Heights, Florida - AP A Clay County man has been accused of using his kids in a burglary. The children told police they helped their father, Elmer Williams, get inside the house belonging to the mother of his estranged wife. Williams was later arrested and taken to jail. According to the arrest report, Williams had his children go through a hole in the wall where an air conditioner had been and unlock the back door. Williams allegedly took a stereo system, a camera and several collectible swords and knives. The children had been with their father for a weekend visit, and naturally told their mother on Monday, and their grandmother, and the cops. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Nita for this picture: Dear Webby, Squirrel in today's Humor Newsletter is just adorable thank you. Here is our squirrel devouring pumpkin seeds. We love your computer advice & all of your Newsletter. Nita ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== In a recent Harris On-line poll 38,562 men across the US were asked to identify woman's ultimate fantasy. 97.8% of the respondents said that a woman's ultimate fantasy is to have two men at once. While this has been verified by a recent sociological study, it appears that most men do not realize that in this fantasy, one man is cooking and the other is cleaning. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== John was driving home late one night when he picked up a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand over the wallet immediately!" The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying, "Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet at home this morning? ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandie Re: Screensaver password Hi Webby! Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password... I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter, it is the best on line.... Sandie Dear Sandie If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box, try this: 1. Log on to the computer as an administrator. 2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts. 3. Click Change the way users log on or off. 4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and the 5) Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box 6.) Click OK and exit User Accounts. You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become effective. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== As the sun rose over Parris Island, the senior drill instructor realized that one of his recruits had gone AWOL, so a search party was dispatched immediately. After a few hours, the recruit was discovered hiding in some bushes nearby. He was sent back to the base and promptly escorted to the drill instructor's office. The instructor asked the young recruit, "Why did you go AWOL?" The recruit replied, "On my first day here, you issued me a comb and then proceeded to cut my hair off. On the second day, you issued me a toothbrush and then sent me to the dentist, who proceeded to pull out my teeth. Finally, on the third day, you issued me a jock strap... and I wasn't about to wait around to find out what would follow that, Sir." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 8, 2006 - Warren, Rhode Island - AP Despite heavy rains that stunted pumpkin growth, a Rhode Island farmer has set what could be a new record for the largest pumpkin in the world. Ron Wallace's pumpkin weighed 1,502 pounds at Saturday's weigh-off competition, heavier than the current Guinness World Record-holding 1,469-pound pumpkin grown last year by Larry Checkon of Pennsylvania. Wallace said at the 13th annual Rhode Island Southern New England Giant Pumpkin Growers Championship that the key to growing a giant pumpkin is the ability to commit to the task from April to October. "Pumpkin growing is a lot of work and you just have to stick with it," he said. It is also weather-dependent. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning the Chimney If you have a fireplace or wood burning stove, it is the time of year to have your chimney cleaned and inspected. Keeping your chimney maintained can help increase the efficiency of your stove and also helps prevent chimney fires. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Holiday Craft Projects everyday at ThriftyFun! ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly. "It cost the same as always." said the wife. "I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== One of many letters from SHAW.CA victims: This one has no profanity in it. From Neil: Dear Webby When I read complaints from your subscribers regarding Hotmail, Yahoo, AOL and others not delivering your letter, I would feel smugly superior that Shaw Cable would not do that. I used to boast about the high level of expertise and good service from Shaw's tech support. That all changed on Oct 8 when I realized that I had not received your letter since October 1. I had been very busy, so I actually had not read most of the email coming into my inbox for about a week. I called Shaw's support line and left my telephone number and name on their system as they assured me I would not lose my place in line and my call would be returned within 14 minutes. As of October 11 at 2:42 I am still waiting for that call and others placed over the next few days to be returned. Today I bit the bullet and remained on hold for 57 minutes until my call was answered. I spent an hour with Shaw to try to get them to pass your email on to my inbox. The first thing Shaw did was blame my router. I know it is not the router that is blocking select emails. But I dutifully followed through on their instructions and unplugged my router and modem to allow them to reset. No change (no surprise) so it was time to move on to the next step. The next step he asked me to take was to delete my accounts from Thunderbird and then set up the accounts again. (This is not the problem either, but I did so without thinking) I did not back up the emails. Now all the emails in my Thunderbird inbox are lost. Bah! Then they said they were not using any filters to block email. I do not use Shaw's online ju$nk filtering as I have used Mailwasher for many years. Tech support did not know what Mailwasher is or does and needed an explanation. Then the support guy asked his supervisor, who said they routinely block servers who send thousands of emails to Shaw customers. The explanation is that any server sending huge numbers of emails must be a sp@@#mmer!! What a stupid way to assess sp@@m! Have they never heard of spoofed email addresses? What about bot nets? I could go on.... I asked him why a legitimate family newsletter like yours was being blocked, but my inbox always contained solicitatio@ns to get rich, I have won the lottery, and of course the inevitable offers to help me enlarge certain body parts, make those parts work better er um harder, etc., etc. He repeated the "tens of thousands of emails from a single server mean the email is sp@@m. I replied by quoting your reply (verbatim) to Cindy about her problem with Shaw. (See the archived copies of DearWebby's letters at http://webby.com/humor/blog/ for the reply. He repeated that Shaw blocks servers that send "tens of thousands of emails to Shaw customers because they are sp@@am." I asked him about the likelihood of them blocking newsletters from other places like Cloudeight, ZD Net, and Lockergnome to name a few. He said that was possible. I explained that I pay for subscriptions to some of these newsletters, and I would be angry to have them blocked. I said that I pay Shaw to connect me to the internet and provide email service--not to be my Mommy and censor my email. He was unmoved. I argued that this was the same as your mailman deciding to throw out some of your mail because he didn't like Reader's Digest, or any other advertising flyer. He remained unmoved (or didn't get it.) According to the tech support guy he has sent a ticket to allow Webby's newsletter back through to my and other subscribers email boxes. He said it might take two or three days to get the ticket out to everyone in building(!!???!!!?). He also said we would have to go through the whole rigamarole again if Shaw chooses to block other newsletters. What a bunch of horsepuckey!! Feel free to post this in an upcoming letter. Maybe someone higher up in Shaw will read this and do something. (no, I won't hold my breath) Neil Dear Neil The mail at Telus, Shaw's competitor, started working on Sept 28, just as if they had fired their "tech". On Oct 1, the mail problems, that Telus used to have, mysteriously appeared at Shaw.ca. By the way, there are not "tens of thousands" of subscribers with shaw.ca addresses. There are less than 500 left. All the others have already upgraded their mails to gmail, hotmail or AOL. Yes, pretty sad when Shaw is making AOL look good by comparison! Forget trying to get results going through their IT department. As you noticed, they have no clue and resent it, when you try to confuse them with facts. Your only hope is to reach Shaw's management through letters to the editors of local papers. Good Luck! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Missouri Skies http://www.missouriskies.org/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 11/06: Change Passwords 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 11, 2006
======================================

Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
-- Scott Adams


Two roads diverged in a wood, and I--
 I took the one less traveled by,
 And that has made all the difference.
-- Robert Frost

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this story:
The day after his wife disappeared in a kayaking accident,
an Anchorage man answered his door
to find two grim-faced Alaska State Troopers.

"We're sorry, Mr. Wilkes, but we have some information about
your wife," said one trooper.

"Tell me! Did you find her?" Wilkes shouted.

The troopers looked at each other. One said, “We have some
bad news, some good news, and some really great news.
Which do you want to hear first?"

Fearing the worst, an ashen Mr. Wilkes said,
"Give me the bad news first."

The trooper said,"I'm sorry to tell you, sir, but this morning
we found your wife's body in Kachemak Bay ."

"Oh my God!" exclaimed Wilkes. Swallowing hard, he asked,
"What's the good news?"

The trooper continued, "When we pulled her up she had 12
twenty-five pound king crabs and 6 good-size Dungeness
crabs clinging to her."

Stunned, Mr. Wilkes demanded, "If that's the good news,
what's the great news?"

The trooper said, "We're going to pull her up again
tomorrow!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail Shaw.ca for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver from http://stonecarver.com for this recommendation: Advice for the ladies...decades too late perhaps!! If you want someone who will bring you the paper without first tearing it apart to remove the sports section Get a dog. If you want someone willing to make a fool of himself simply over the joy of seeing you Get a dog. If you want someone who will eat whatever you put in front of him and never says its not quite as good as his mother made it Get a dog If you want someone always willing to go out, at any hour, for as long and wherever you want Get a dog. If you want someone who will never touch the remote, doesn't care about football, and can sit next to you as you watch romantic movies Get a dog. If you want someone who is content to get up on your bed just to warm your feet and whom you can push off if he snores Get a dog. If you want someone who never criticizes what you do, doesn't care if you are pretty or ugly, fat or thin, young or old, who acts as if every word you say is especially worthy of listening to, and loves you unconditionally, perpetually Get a dog. But, on the other hand, If you want someone who will never come when you call, ignores you totally when you come home, leaves hair all over the place, walks all over you, runs around all night and only comes home to eat and sleep, and acts as if your entire existence is solely to ensure his happiness... Then................. Get a cat! ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to October 9, 2006 - Dallas, Texas - AP A 62-year-old retired accountant from Nevada swallowed 247 peppers in eight minutes to win the Jalapeno Eating World Championship at the State Fair of Texas. Richard LeFevre won $2,000 for prevailing in Sunday's contest, which was sponsored by the International Federation of Competitive Eating. ''I love to eat, and I love to compete, so the two go pretty well together,'' said LeFevre, the world's eighth-ranked eater according to the federation. LeFevre, who has also won the fair's World Corny Dog Eating Contest three times, said his winning strategy was to mix three or four peppers in his mouth with a swig of milk before swallowing. LeFevre was one of four professional eaters who took the top four places in the competition. Sonya ''The Black Widow'' Thomas said she had never eaten a jalapeno before the contest. Ranked third in the world by the federation, she downed 239 peppers to take second place and $1,000 in prize money. Christopher Huang, of Arlington, entered the competition even though he doesn't normally eat spicy foods. ''I eat mild salsa,'' Huang said. ''But there's nothing like putting yourself through a lot of pain for no reason.'' The 26-year-old required several minutes of recovery time after eating 53 jalapenos. ''I cant feel my face,'' he said when he was able to speak again. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Thanks to Katie for this story: A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She startled her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks they're stupid, stand up!" After a few seconds, Little Davie stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Davie?" "No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!" ===========================================
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=========================================== Little Davie watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face. "Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Davie. "Giving up?" ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Change Windows Password Dear Webby, In case anybody asks you how to change their Windows XP password, here is the info: Start> Control Panel>User Accounts>Click User Accounts> click PICK an Account to Change Up pops a page asking what you would like to do, so you choose "Change My Password" The End... Just follow the prompts Ann Dear Ann Sounds simple enough! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The math teacher saw that little Davie wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Davie! What are 2 and 4 and 28 and 44?" Little Davie quickly replied, "NBC, CBS, HBO and the Cartoon Network!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 6, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Communicating with hand gestures and facial expressions, two police detectives and a crime scene photographer helped deliver a baby to a woman who cannot speak English. Detectives Vincent Lopez and Dolores Beaver said they were investigating an armed robbery early Thursday when a passer-by told them there was a woman who might be in labor three blocks away. The partners found the woman, a Hmong, on the steps of a daycare center. The baby was breach and the woman, 27, was in pain, Beaver said. So she, Lopez and their photographer, John Heim, called the medical unit and got to work. The passer-by who first noticed the woman also stayed to help, they said. "We told her 'You need to push' and made facial expressions and before you knew it, the baby was coming out," Beaver said. By the time the medical unit came, all but the baby's head had made it out. The baby, a boy, was fully born in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, Beaver said. When the trio visited the new mother and son at the hospital, she smiled at them, they said. A Hmong interpreter at the hospital told them the woman lived on the street. She was trying to get to her sister-in-law's to call for help but she was in such pain she had to stop, Beaver said. The police department would not comment on the condition of the mother or the baby. It also would not release her name. All three said the mother and her baby's life may have been in jeopardy if the passer-by hadn't gotten their attention. The trio, who spoke at a news conference Thursday morning, also said it was nice to be able to help. "We see so much out there that's bad," Beaver said. "This was our chance to help and bring a life into this world." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Avocado Peels When peeling an avocado, leave a little fruit on the inside of the avocado skin and use it to scrub your face. The peel will help remove dead skin and avocado fruit makes a great moisturizer. Let it sit for 5 to 10 minutes and then rinse it off. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== "HOW DID IT HAPPEN?" the doctor asked the middle-aged farmhand as he set the man's broken leg. "Well, doc, 25 years ago ..." "Never mind the past. Tell me how you broke your leg this morning." "Like I was saying...25 years ago, when I first started working on the farm, that night, right after I'd gone to bed, the farmer's beautiful daughter came into my room. She asked me if there was anything I wanted. I said, "No, everything is fine." "Are you sure?" she asked. "I'm sure," I said. "Isn't there anything I can do for you?" she wanted to know. "I reckon not," I replied. "Excuse me," said the doctor, "What does this story have to do with your leg?" "Well, this morning," the farmhand explained, "when it dawned on me what she meant, I fell off the roof!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I thought this might be a good site to share with your readers. http://www.records.com/default.php Keep up the good work. I really enjoy reading your Humor Letter every day. I also vote daily. Dani
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Berlin http://www.picturethecity.com/pictures/ ... ope/berlin ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter: Problems with Shaw 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 9, 2006
======================================

Happy Thanksgiving Day in Canada!
I want to thank you for sticking with me,
voting for me, and for not getting too upset
at the occasional typos.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

  Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
  The 911 operator told Bubba that she would
  send someone out right away.

  "Where do you live?" asked the operator.

  Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."

  The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"

  There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
  "How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick
  her up there?"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Ten Step Guide To Being Handy Around The House 1. If you can't find a screwdriver, use a knife. If you break off the tip, it's an improved screwdriver. 2. Try to work alone. An audience is rarely any help. 3. Above all, if what you've done is stupid, but it works, then it isn't stupid. 4. Work in the kitchen whenever you can ... many fine tools are there, its warm and dry, and you are close to the refrigerator. Harleys, on the other hand, are easier to work with on the coffee table in the living room. Since it probably will never run again anyway, at least it will make a nice conversation piece. 5. If it's electronic, get a new one ... or consult a twelve-year-old. 6. Stay simple minded: Get a new battery; replace the bulb or fuse; see if the tank is empty; try turning the switch "on" ; or just paint over it. 7. Always take credit for miracles. If you dropped the alarm clock while taking it apart and it suddenly starts working, you have healed it. 8. Regardless of what people say, kicking, pounding, and throwing sometimes DOES help. 9. If something looks level, it is level. 10. If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Candace Longworth, 31, of Bastian, Virginia Grave Robber October 6, 2006 - Rocky Gap, Virginia - AP A high school science teacher is charged with breaking into a century-old funeral vault, handling the remains of a corpse, and taking photographs of two students holding the bones inside the crypt. Authorities have charged Candace Longworth, 31, of Bastian, with a felony charge of disturbing and defiling a dead person from a place of burial and two misdemeanor counts of contributing to the delinquency of a minor. The teenagers have been charged as juveniles. "It's not anything anyone would call school-related," said Tazewell County Commonwealth's Attorney Dennis Lee. "It's just bizarre." Longworth has been suspended from her job as a biology and earth science teacher at Rocky Gap High School in Bland County pending the outcome of the legal proceedings, according principal Robert Morehead. She is scheduled for a preliminary hearing Oct. 23. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer, but his performance simply didn't improve. Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't improve when given help, they take away the instrument, and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer." A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section: "And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear. He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only wounded it. The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a little faster and gained on him with every step. Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin. The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while I go and get another!" ---------------- Actually, that's from Charlie Chaplin's "GoldRush", the only movie about Canada that I had seen before immigrating in 1970. ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cindy Re: Problems with Shaw.ca Dear Webby, I have been a long time subscriber, but for some reason I have not been getting the letter since October 01. I checked my blocked senders list, have tried to re subscribe, and still nothing Suggestions? Cindy Dear Cindy You are subscribed OK, and your Humor Letter has been sent out to you every morning. Once it has entered Shaw's server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You will have to contact Shaw's support and figure out with them whether the problem is on their side or on yours. In the meantime you can browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what I had sent out to you on the current day. Previous days are at http://webby.com/humor/blog We are "The Good Example" for legitimate newsletters and don't need this type of nonsense. The Dear Webby Humor Letter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, it has a privacy policy listed, it has FULL contact information listed, it is sent to verified subscribers only, it has click-on un-subscribe links, it shows the subscriber which of their addresses is subscribed, it has an on-line copy ( at http://webby.com/humor ), it is sent from a company that has never spammed, it is sent from a server that has never been used for spamming, it is sent from a hosting system that does not allow spamming, it has consistent, never changing headers. and it is truly family safe. The Humor Letter always has these lines in the header: From: humor@webby.com Reply-To: humor@webby.com Those lines have not changed in 10 years and can be used for whitelisting With the Listed Sender ID, even the excuse, that spammers may have forged a Webby address as their sender address, falls flat. In summary, there is absolutely NO legitimate reason or excuse for ANY spam complaint regarding the DearWebby Humor Letter or any mail from webby.com, and any complaint only discredits the complainer. You might mention to them, that, if they don't smarten up, they will get an International Sniveling Ninnie award. That award may have helped Telus to smarten up. Telus users reported today, that they got all of their mail for EIGHT days in a row now! Keep up the good work, Telus! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the cows. I've hung a spike by the right stall so's you know which one I want him to impregnate." The wife, who's from back East and dumber'n a cedar stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it, and the husband leaves for town. The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the barn and the stall with the nail. "This is the cow right here," she tells him. "What's the spike for?" the vet asks. "Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 5, 2006 - Quinter, Kansas - AP Waldo McBurney 104 years old, of Quinter, Kan. has just been honored as America's oldest worker by Experience Works, a group that provides training and employment services for seniors. A 1927 graduate of Kansas State Agricultural College, which is now Kansas State University, McBurney had a nearly 25 year career in agriculture. He now works as a beekeeper. In the last few years he's maintained as many as 100 colonies. But that's just part of his story. McBurney began long distance running at 65, and running competitively at 75. At age 80, he set a Kansas state record for the 10-mile run for runners his age and went on to set records in running, long jump, discus and shot-put into his 90s and 100s at the Senior Olympics. Retirement? McBurney said, "I can't find it in my Bible." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pinch Dead Blooms Pinch off dead blooms from flowering plants. It will help keep your plants flowering longer. If blooms or leaves have fallen onto the soil they should also be removed. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== In the cafeteria on the first day of spring semester at Kent State University, I saw three students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that they had received such an obviously tough problem so early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was. One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how many days until spring break." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Mark Dear Webby Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up previous days when I come back to the office. Thanks Mark
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Glass Harmonica http://www.finkenbeiner.com/GLASSHARMONICA.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 8/06: Getting rid of OE 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 8, 2006
======================================

"The price one pays for pursuing any profession, or calling,
is an intimate knowledge of its ugly side."
-- James Baldwin

"The price of greatness is responsibility."
-- Sir Winston Spencer Churchill

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Ross for this:

If a dog was the teacher you would learn stuff like:
When loved ones come home, always run to greet them.

Never pass up the opportunity to go for a joyride.
Allow the experience of fresh air and the wind in your face
to be pure ecstasy.
When it's in your best interest, practice obedience.

Let others know when they've invaded your territory.
Take naps.
Stretch before rising.
Run, romp, and play daily.

Thrive on attention and let people touch you.

Avoid biting when a simple growl will do.
On warm days, stop to lie on your back in the grass.

On hot days, drink lots of water and lie under a shady tree.
When you're happy, dance around and wag your entire body.
No matter how often you're scolded, don't buy into the
guilt thing and pout..! run right back and make friends.

Delight in the simple joy of a long walk.
Eat with gusto and enthusiasm. Stop when you have had enough.
Be loyal. Never pretend to be something you're not.
If what you want lies buried, dig until you find it.
When someone is having a bad day, be silent,
sit close by and nuzzle them gently.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this story: REDNECK VASECTOMY A West Virginia couple, both bonified rednecks, had 9 children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make the decision - why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in the United States was Mexican, and they didn't want to take a chance on having a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a driver in Orlando, Florida Demolition Derby October 5, 2006 - Orlando, Florida - AP (photo below) Orlando police were shaking their heads Thursday after a driver hit three cars, a curb, and a building without ever leaving the parking lot. The car ended up on its hood in the drive-thru at the Wachovia Bank at Colonial Drive and Bumby Avenue. Police believe the driver was speeding and just lost control. Investigators said, even though three cars and the bank's drive-thru were damaged, it could have been worse. "I'm just grateful all we had was property damage and some minor injures," said Sgt. Barbara Jones, Orlando Police Department. Four people in the car were hurt. ===========================================
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=========================================== Hi Webby, here is a picture from a nice restaurant in North Idaho. And in keeping with that theme, Q. How can you tell if N. Idaho restaurant is nice? A. They have a 3 tooth minimum. Q. What do you have when you have 32 teeth in N. Idaho? A. A family reunion. Q. What is the current major import to N. Idaho A. Californians Have a great day C. Wade Coldiron ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A man and a woman walk into a very posh Rodeo Drive furrier. "Show the lady your finest mink!" the fellow exclaims. So the owner of the shop goes in back and comes out with an absolutely gorgeous full-length coat. As the lady tries it on, the furrier goes up to the guy and discreetly whispers, "Ah, sir, that particular fur goes for $65,000." "No problem! I'll write you a check!" "Very good, sir." says the shop owner. "Today is Saturday. You may come by on Monday to pick it up, after the check has cleared." So the man and the woman leave. On Monday, the fellow returns. The store owner is outraged: "How dare you show your face in here?! There wasn't a single penny in your checking account!!" "I just had to come by," grinned the guy, "to thank you for the most wonderful weekend of my life!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Over dinner, a woman said to her husband, "I met this horrible and rude man downtown this morning, and right away I knew he was a troublemaker. He started to insult me; he used really bad language; he even threatened me!" "How did you meet this fellow?" He asked, very concerned. She said, "Well, we met by accident, I hit him with the car." ============================================ Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: How to get rid of OE Dear Webby I am writing you from my webtv, however I also have a Dell Laptop with all the Windows ,etc. somehow I have this Outlook Express and sure would like to know how to get rid of it. My other address is ******@netzero.net thanks for any help you can give me. RBN Dear Richard Outlook Depressed comes with Windows. We delete it as part of the set-up of every machine. It's in C:\Program Files. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Legend has it that there is a bar in New York where, in the Ladies Room, there is a very special mirror. If one stands in front of the mirror and tells the truth, one is granted a wish. However, if one tells a lie, *POOF* you are instantly swallowed up by the mirror, never to be seen again. A redhead of questionable looks walks into the Ladies Room and stands before the mirror and says, "I think I'm the most beautiful woman in the world." *POOF* The mirror swallows her. Next, a rather large brunette stands before the mirror and says, "I think I think I'm the sexiest woman alive! *POOF* The mirror swallows her. Then Whatshername comes in and stands before the mirror and says, "I think..." *POOF* ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2006 - Loudon, Tennessee - Happy News A Knox County woman, along with Whirlpool Corporation and nearly 300 volunteers nationwide, will participate in a weeklong build that will result in the completion of 10 homes on one block in Nashville, Tenn., later this year. Linda Morrison will join approximately 100 other Habitat for Humanity volunteers from across the country, 100 local Nashville volunteers and 100 Whirlpool volunteers as part of the inaugural Whirlpool® Building Blocks program created by Whirlpool. Morrison was chosen to participate in the build because of her commitment to Habitat and the local Loudon County community. Whirlpool® Building Blocks is the signature program of long- time Habitat supporter Whirlpool Corporation. Each year Whirlpool® Building Blocks will recognize an outstanding Habitat for Humanity affiliate in the U.S. and its relationship with its local community by sponsoring a weeklong build in that affiliate's community. This year's build will be held in Nashville Nov. 4-10. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Top Dressing Plants and Trees in Large Pots Since it can be difficult to re-pot plants that are in a large pot be sure top dress them at least once a year. Remove 2 to 3 inches of the soil in the top of the planter and replace it with new potting soil. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== Thanks to Kati for this: ACTUAL AD IN THE CLASSIFIEDS $10,000 06' Suzuki GSXR 1000 Farmington , UT 84025 -Aug 7, 2006 2006 Suzuki 1000. This bike is perfect! It has 1000 miles and has had its 500 mile dealer service. (Expensive) It's been adult ridden, all wheels have always been on the ground. I use it as a cruiser/commuter. I'm selling it because it was purchased without proper consent of a Loving wife. Apparently "Do whatever the H*** you want" doesn't mean what I thought. Call me, Steve...(801)867-8292 ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I enjoy your humor letter. I don't have the chance to read them everyday but when I do they lift me up and give me a few good laughs. Thanks for taking the time to make my day or night a little more funny! May God Richly Bless You, Lisa H
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Jukes http://www.jukeboxgallery.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 7/06: Zone Alarm Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 7, 2006
======================================

 "Liberty, taking the word in its concrete sense,
consists in the ability to choose."
-- Simone Weil

 "The very essence of leadership is that you have to have
vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet."
-- Theodore M. Hesburgh

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.

------------------------------

That reminds me,.....
Shirley, please pay your overdue bill!
My patience is coming to it's end.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Allan for this story: It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room watching television when the phone rang. "Hello?" I said. A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?" I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably a wrong number and I was bored. I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?" "Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded. "I think he said he'd be home around 10:00." Silence on the other end... a confused silence. "Is this Steve?" My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number. So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?" "Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him," she said in a slightly irritated voice. I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said that he would be back at 10:00." A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!" "The girl he went out with." "I know that! I mean... who is she?" "I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a message for Ben?" "Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home." She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?" She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?" Apparently she wasn't. "Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake." "Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as soon as he gets home." I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like this..." *Click...* ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Pet 'Stage' Parents Conceited Pet Owners October 4, 2006 - Los Angeles - AP Owners of a Rottweiler and other dogs have sued a company called Hollywood Paws for failing to help turn their pooches into stars. More than a dozen pet owners contend the company collected tens of thousands of dollars but never delivered on promises to get film and television auditions for their pets. "I lost a lot of money," said Rachel Armstrong, owner of Goliath the Rottweiler. Armstrong said she believed her dog had the "cool" factor that would get him into music videos and paid nearly $2,000 to Hollywood Paws LLC for training. All she got was a rejection from "The Tyra Banks Show." Attorney Cynthia Mulvihill filed the suit in Superior Court last month. "Who wouldn't want to be told, 'Hey, your member of the family is beautiful and should be in the movies?"' she asked. Hollywood Paws offers training in such media skills as getting a pooch or cat to crawl, freeze or scratch on command. On its Web site, the company warns: "Completing these courses won't guarantee that your house pet will become a screen pet." Hollywood Paws owner Larry Lionetti contends he never promised acting jobs, although he said several animals had won spots in commercials. "Everybody knows down in your town that there are actors and actresses waiting on tables until a part comes along," he said. "Who in L.A. doesn't know this?" ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life. "So, John, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," John shook his head, "Whenever I mention sex, they object...." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them, "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lisa Re: Zone Alarm problem Dear Webby Yesterday I downloaded the updates for Zone Alarm.... curiously, right after that, internet explorer stopped being able to load web pages. My windows live messenger stopped being able to sign in and pictures in emails started showing up as x's. My email still works though. I called Earthlink, after a few ping tests, they suggested a system recovery. It was TURNED OFF for some reason, when I turned it on... it wouldn't let me go back to any previous restore point! (I have used it once). So... they suggested I reload IE, meaning I would have to save all my personal files and reload my xp system. I tried that, it wouldn't let me, saying that my version of xp is newer than the one that came with the computer. I can't get online to dl another copy of IE so I got one elsewhere on a disc. I loaded IE 7.0 but it won't work either. Now what??? Thanks! : ) Lisa Dear Lisa You are asking a Dodge mechanic what to do, after the Yugo, that you got free at the junkyard, failed to stop at the end of the garage, smashed through it and the air conditioner, and then wound up in the neighbor's pool. I would suggest not making a habit of doing that, no matter how hilarious it appears to onlookers. At this point it's impossible to tell whether your free Yugo caused the problem, or whether it simply allowed bad stuff to enter your machine. The damage is done. Earthlink is right. It's probably fastest to save your data, format the machine and re-install Windows from your original installation CD. To avoid making a habit out of what you did, I would highly recommend that you use McAfee instead of Zone Alarm. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Three pastors from different congregations were having lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other out with their different fellowships. After several minutes of animated conversation, the first one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem at our church that I want to discuss with you guys." The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats. We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can still hear them moving around up there and it's really hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way of a good church service." The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours, spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head. The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly. "Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago, and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on, "It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em baptized and part of the congregation. Haven't seen 'em since." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2006 - Marion, Indiana - AP Cheryl Walker is out of the doghouse. For real. She spent 30 days living in a 4-by-7-foot kennel in the Marion area. She is a member of the local Humane Society's board of volunteers. And her stunt raised more than $8,100 to help finance a new animal shelter. Walker said she's glad to be home. But she said she misses her four-legged kennelmates. Walker added that she was crying when she left the kennel. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wax Paper and Curtain Rods Wipe your curtain rod with a piece of wax paper. Your hangers will slide more easily. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one contemporary painting caught her eye. "What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby, "is that?" He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is supposed to be a mother and her child." "Keep trying," snapped the little old lady, "you are not even close yet!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== DearWebby, I am a recent subscriber and just wanted to say thanks for your time and effort you put into your Daily Newsletters. They seem to be a good blend of humor, info and help. Very enjoyable and it shows how much you truly enjoy helping others solve their problems as well. Thanks again, Benster
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Sandie for this Bonus Link: Clouds http://pic1.funtigo.com/valuca?g=25544746&cr=1 ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 6/06: Recover lost camera chip files 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 6, 2006
Wear a bit of red on Fridays, to show you support the troops
======================================

How much more grievous are the consequences of anger
than the causes of it.
-- Marcus Aurelius

Confusion is always the most honest response.
-- Marty Indik

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A very nervous man, accompanied by his
nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.

After checking the chart, he nodded and
wrote the man a prescription for a powerful
tranquilizer.

The man asked, "How often do I take these."

"Let's start off with once every six hours. But
they're not for you." replied the doctor. "They're
for your wife."

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Eric for this thoughtprovoking story: I was having lunch at PJ's with one of my favourite clients last week and the conversation turned to the government's recent round of tax cuts. "I'm opposed to those tax cuts," the retired college instructor declared, "because they benefit the rich. The rich get much more money back than ordinary taxpayers like you and I and that's not fair." "But the rich pay more in the first place," I argued, "so it stands to reason that they'd get more money back." I could tell that my friend was unimpressed by this meager argument. Even college instructors are a prisoner of the myth that the "rich" somehow get a free ride in Canada. Nothing could be further from the truth. Let's put tax cuts in terms everyone can understand. Suppose that everyday 10 men go to PJ's for dinner. The bill for all ten comes to $100. If it was paid the way we pay our taxes, the first four men would pay nothing; the fifth would pay $1; the sixth would pay $3; the seventh $7; the eighth $12; the ninth $18. The tenth man (the richest) would pay $59. The 10 men ate dinner in the restaurant every day and seemed quite happy with the arrangement until the owner threw them a curve. "Since you are all such good customers," he said, I'm going to reduce the cost of your daily meal by $20. Now dinner for the table only costs $80." The first four are unaffected. They still eat for free. Can you figure out how to divvy up the $20 savings among the remaining six so that everyone gets his fair share? The men realize that $20 divided by 6 is $3.33, but if they subtract that from everybody's share, then the fifth man and the sixth man would end up being paid to eat their meal. The restaurant owner suggested that it would be fair to reduce each man's bill by roughly the same percentage he had put in, and he proceeded to work out the amounts each should pay. And so the fifth man paid nothing, the sixth pitched in $2, the seventh paid $5, the eighth paid $9, the ninth paid $12, leaving the tenth man with a bill of $52 instead of $59. Outside the restaurant, the men began to compare their savings. "I only got a dollar out the $20," declared the sixth man pointing to the tenth, "and he got $7!" "Yeah, that's right," exclaimed the fifth man. I only saved a dollar, too. It's unfair that he got seven times more than me! "That's true," shouted the seventh man. "Why should he get $7 back when I got only $2? The wealthy get all the breaks." "Wait a minute," yelled the first four men in unison. "We didn't get anything at all. The system exploits the poor." The nine men surrounded the tenth and beat him up. The next night he didn't show up for dinner, so the nine sat down and ate without him. When it came time to pay the bill, they discovered something important. They were $52 short! ++++++++++++++++++++++++ And that, boys and girls and college instructors, is how Canada's tax system works. The people who pay the highest taxes get the most benefit from a tax reduction. Tax them too much, attack them for being wealthy, and they just may not show up at the table anymore. There are lots of good restaurants in Switzerland and the Caribbean. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lemuel, 59, and Julia Redd, 56, of Salt Lake City, Utah Not a wedding prank October 4, 2006 - Salt Lake City, Utah - The Denver Channel The parents of a bride-to-be told their daughter they were taking her on a shopping trip, but then drove to Colorado and kept her there until she missed the nuptials, officials said. Lemuel and Julia Redd have been charged with second degree felony kidnapping. Utah County Attorney Kay Bryson said Tuesday he met with the couple's daughter, Julianna, and her now-husband Perry Myers before charging the parents. "I've never had a case quite like this," Bryson said. "It is strange that parents would go to that extent to keep an adult daughter from marrying the man that she had chosen to marry." The Redds told their 21-year-old daughter they were taking her on a shopping trip Aug. 4 and then drove 240 miles from Provo to Grand Junction, Colo., according to Provo police Capt. Rick Healey. Myers, 23, called police when his bride didn't attend a pre-wedding dinner with his parents that night. The Redds spent the night in Colorado and drove back to Provo, about 40 miles south of Salt Lake City, the next day, Healey said. They arrived after the young couple was supposed to have been married. The couple, both students at Brigham Young University, were married on Aug. 8, three days after the planned wedding, Myers said. "We were just glad about the way it ended. She came back and she was ok. We've moved forward since then," said Perry Meyers. The Redds didn't want their daughter to get married, but the bride has been reluctant to say what happened on the drive. Myers said he and his wife were not discussing details of the car ride but said her parents' objections were not about him. Julianna Meyers said she and her husband requested that officials move forward with the case against her parents. "I just want them to get help," she said. Bryson said after reviewing the police investigation it was clear a crime was committed. Charges were filed Friday. Lemuel, 59, and Julia Redd, 56, are scheduled to make an initial court appearance Oct. 26. If convicted, the Redds could face one to 15 years in prison. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture: Low budget bridge ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask her the most momentous of all questions: "There are quite a lot of advantages to being a bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one longs for the companionship of another being--a being who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys and sorrows." To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes. Then she nodded in agreement. Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea! Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it. One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend. Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier to sell, but it's not legal." "That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell the car." "Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine. He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it should not be a problem to sell your car anymore." The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic. About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell your car?" "No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has 50,000 miles on it." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Re: Dear Webby We just came back home to Australia from a wonderful trip to the USA and my 13 yr old daughter took her new Canon Powershot A430 with a 1.0 GB SD Memory Card to use over there. We had an idyllic stopover in Fiji for 3 days and then had a great time travelling from LA to the Grand Canyon via a lovely little town called Williams on Route 66, Laura happily snapping photos. Spent a day at the canyon then on to Vegas via Hoover Dam. The glitz of Vegas was also great fun to photograph then off to Fresno. It was here that she accidently deleted all the photos she had taken to this point - 700 of them! We are devestated as I don't have a digital camera and so we were both using hers. She still doesn't know how she did it. She said she was trying to move them into a file and then they were gone. Kids these days work things out better than adults, often through experimentation - pity she chose that experiment. Back home, we have removed the disk, plugged it into the computer, and tried to find the lost pics but it looks like they are gone for good. However I heard that there may still be a way of recovering the lost pics. Is that possible? By the way we are VERY impressed with the features and quality of the camera except that it seems too easy to delete photos!! Cheryl Dear Cheryl Too bad you did not go to a cyber cafe in Fresno and write me then! Just go to http://www.sharewareconnection.com/memo ... estore.htm and use that free software to recover the deleted files. Actually, it's not really that easy to delete the files, but there HAS to be the option to do that. Normally, though, you first upload the pictures to your site or your laptop. Personally I don't like uploading from the camera. I use a $12 chip reader that I can plug into any USB port and make the chip act like an additional hard drive on a computer (laptop, hotel lobby machine, cyber-cafe, etc). Dragging them from there to a web site is easy. Once they are on the web, they are safe. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== GROAN ALERT! Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret of your soup?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it." The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?" Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it too farty." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, giving her his name as he did so. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name on each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "That other Librarian we had could write." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos October 2, 2006 - Lake Havasu City, Arizona - AP Twin girls share a birthday not only with each other, but with their mother and grandmother. Andria Hundley gave birth to Kaitlin Marie and Malia Rose Zeh on Wednesday, Today's News-Herald reported Saturday. They had been due Oct. 20. Hundley was born Sept. 27, 1978, in Westminster, Calif. Her mother, Rose Caracciolo, was born Sept. 27, 1957, in New York City. "Everybody kept saying, 'Oh, wouldn't that be cool if you had them on your birthday?"' Hundley said. "And I'm thinking, 'Nah, I'll probably have them like a week later so we all don't have to share birthdays.' And it just happened. And now that I think about it -- wow, it's a miracle." The odds of three generations from one family being born on the same day are 1 in 133,225, said Bill Bell, a Census Bureau mathematician, after another such birth in 1991. Caracciolo was not present for her granddaughters' unexpectedly early birth. She was on her way to Mexico to celebrate her own birthday. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing a Large Area Rug Save old belts to use when storing or moving large area rugs. Roll up the rug and wrap a couple belts around it, using the belt buckles to secure the belt in place. The belts are great for preventing the rug from unrolling and also work as handles for moving the rug. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html?pub_code=dailtt ======================================== The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship off- shore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him. When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know if you still want to be rescued." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but the results will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Jim Hi DearWebby. Well here I am again not knowing what I am doing wrong so I will ask you for some help because of your vast knowledge of computers and programs. As you know I downloaded Eudora and I have been playing around with it but I don't know how to send mail to a group of people at 1 time. I have made a folder with the group but I still have to click on each name to put it on the email. On outlook express all I had to do is click on the group name and click on bbc and then send. Is there a way that I can do that with Eudora? Your friend always. Jim Hi Jim In the address book ( CTRL L ) make a new book ( ALT W ) and for example call it INLAWS or OUTLAWS. Then put the addresses into those books. For sending, you just put INLAWS into the BCC field, and it will expand them at send time. Have FUN! DearWebby -------------------------------------------- From Gladys K I really enjoy your Humor Newletter--I am saving all of them in a folder that I keep. I'd like to ask how often per week these are sent? When I first subscribed they were daily and for the past few weeks I get them only two or three times per week. Will you please let me know? Thanks a lot Gladys Kovitch Dear Gladys I send the Dear Webby Humor Letter out every night, in 3 versions: HTML, Large Font HTML for vision challenged friends, and in plain text without pictures. Whenever MSN censors your mail, just browse to http://webby.com/humor and see what the people with better email addresses got in their mail. You can even read previous issues in the blog. You may have to call MSN support and ask them what needs to be done to stop the censorship problem. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Scenic Missouri Bridges http://www.missouri.gov/mo/mobridges.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 5/06: Get rid of Yahoo Toolbar 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 5, 2006
======================================

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of
their dreams.
-- Eleanor Roosevelt

A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
-- James Feibleman

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!"
the shaken man told the police officer.

"The car hit you from behind," the officer said.
"How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"

The man said, "I recognized the laugh!"

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Hotmail for losing mail
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Dave for this story: Flying into a Middle East airport, my co-pilot and I reviewed our flight plan for the trip back to the USS Enterprise. We were to pick up a Navy captain, and experience had taught me that even seasoned vets turn white-knuckled during carrier landings. Once the captain was strapped in, I turned around to welcome him aboard. "Sir," I asked, "will this be your first carrier landing?" Looking at me with disdain, he opened his inflatable vest to display gold wings above five rows of ribbons. "Son," he said, "I have over 500 carrier landings in jet fighters." "That's good to hear," my co-pilot said, winking at me, "because this will be our first." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Larcellus Angelo Scott, 23, of bakersville, California Obnoxious burglar September 30, 2006 - Bakersfield, California - AP A burglar who made himself at home after a break-in overstayed his visit, police said. Larcellus Angelo Scott, 23, had ordered a pizza and was doing a load of laundry Wednesday when Denise Bealessio returned home from work. Bealessio, 51, arrived just as the pizza did. She turned the delivery driver away and was met inside the door by Scott. Scott attacked, but Bealessio was able to escape unharmed. A neighbor called police, who found Scott rummaging through Bealessio's purse. He had written one of Bealessio's checks to pay for the pizza. He was arrested on suspicion of burglary, robbery and forgery and was being held Friday in Kern County Jail in lieu of $85,000 bail. Scott used to live next door, Bealessio said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my Cookie for sending these pictures: "Officer, it's this green hair dye! I can't do a thing with my hair in the rain! ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== A police car pulls up in front of grandma Bessie's house, and grandpa Morris gets out. The polite policeman explained that this elderly gentleman said that he was lost in the park...and couldn't find his way home. "Oy Morris", said grandma, "You've been going to that park for over 30 years! So how could you get lost?" Leaning close to grandma, so that the policeman couldn't hear. Morris whispered, "I wasn't lost.....I was just too tired to walk home." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== The teacher brought a Venus statue in class and asks, "What do you like best about it, class? Let's start with you, Robert." "The artwork," says Robert. "Very good. And you, Peter?" "Her boobs!" says Peter. "Peter, get out! Go stand in the hall," responds the teacher with disgust. "And you, Johnny?" "I'm leaving, teacher, I'm leaving..." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Get rid of Yahoo toolbar Dear Webby. How to get rid of the Yahoo toolbar ? Every time I open up internet explorer the yahoo toolbar is there instead of internet explorer and I hate getting into Outlook this way...Want IE to be there... and the Outlook express. Thank you for all you past help. J Dear Jaye There are two ways to uninstall the Yahoo! Toolbar for Internet Explorer. Option 1: Via the toolbar() Select "Uninstall" from the Pencil button (Toolbar Settings). Click "Uninstall" on the uninstall page. Close any open IE windows. When you restart Internet Explorer, Yahoo! Toolbar will no longer be present. Option 2: Via the Control Panel Click the Windows "Start" button. Select "Control Panel" from the "Settings" menu. Double-click on "Add/Remove Programs". Scroll down and click on the "Yahoo! Toolbar" entry. Click on "Change/Remove." Close any open IE windows. Yahoo! Toolbar is now uninstalled. Please start IE again after closing all your open IE browser windows and it will no longer be present. If you follow these steps and Yahoo! Toolbar is still present, make sure you've closed all your open IE browser windows. Due to Internet Explorer being integrated with Windows, you might need to restart your computer to fully uninstall Yahoo! Toolbar. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep....?!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler. "What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly queried. "I was going to a lecture." "A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful. "Oh, sure," said the drunk. "Sometimes my wife stays up longer than that just to lecture me." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2006 - New York - Reuters A poem by one of America's best-loved poets, Robert Frost, has been discovered 88 years after it was handwritten in the front of a book and will be published next week. The poem was found by a graduate student among uncatalogued books and manuscripts bought by the University of Virginia and once owned by Frost's friend, Frederic Melcher, founder of publishing industry trade journal Publishers Weekly. The 35-line poem, called "War Thoughts at Home" and dated 1918, was apparently inspired by the death of a fellow poet in World War I. Student Robert Stilling said he was alerted to the poem by a 1947 letter by Melcher in which he referred to an unpublished poem handwritten in a copy of Frost's book "North of Boston." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heavy Lifting When you are lifting something heavy, bend your knees, not your waist. Use your legs to support the weight. You'll put less pressure on your back that way. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. "Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!" "But why, Mom? I don't want to go." "Give me two reasons why you don't want to go." "Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!" "Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready." "Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school." "Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Guinn and JoAnn You are so right about Mailwasher! We have been using it since it's inception and it has saved us from downloading hundreds, maybe thousands of spam messages. We just had our first problem with Mailwasher, but it was not their fault. Our laptop crashed and, when trying to put it back together, we accidentally re-installed an old version of Mailwasher. Their support staff came to our rescue immediately and had us up and running again with just one request from us. Makes Microsoft Support look sick! Guinn and JoAnn
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sculptures http://www.skep.com/sculpture/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 4/06: Program into Start Menu 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 4, 2006
======================================

Where facts are few, experts are many.
-- Donald R. Gannon

If people never did silly things,
nothing intelligent would ever get done.
-- Ludwig Wittgenstein

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Don wrote about the toolbox tip:
After reading the helpful hint about assembling the small
tool box I have a suggestion.  The contents of the box will
be cleaner and easier to use if the "screwdrivers" are put
in a small thermos.

That went right over my head.
Don had to 'splain that the screwdrivers, that he was
referring to, were liquid refreshments.

===========================================
Want the secrets to becoming a best-selling author? Discover the secrets to creating a book and turning it into a best-seller in record time! Best of all, it is 100% FREE! http://webby.com/a/bsa.html
=========================================== A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to Yahoo mail for losing mail Telus for losing mail hotmail for losing more mail than usual
If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== After experiencing difficulties with his computer, a poor, incognizant user called the system maker's technical support line for assistance... Technician: Hello. How can I help you today? Customer: There's smoke coming from the power supply on my computer... Technician: Looks like you need a new power supply... Customer: No, I don't! I just need to change the startup files... Technician: Sir, what you described is a faulty power supply. You need to replace it. Customer: No way! Someone told me that I just had to change the system startup files to fix the problem! All I need is for you to tell me the right command... For the next ten minutes, in spite of the technician's efforts to explain the problem and its solution, the customer adamantly insisted that he was right. So, in frustration, the technician responded: Technician: I'm sorry. We don't normally tell our customers this, but there's an undocumented Windows command that may fix the problem. Customer: I knew it! Technician: Just click on START, RUN, type into that field the line 'LOAD NOSMOKE.COM' and hit ENTER. Everything should work fine. Let me know how it goes. About ten minutes later, the technician received a call back from the customer. Customer: It didn't work. The power supply is still smoking... Technician: Well, what version of Windows are you using? Customer: XP, SP2 Technician: Well, that may be your problem. That version of XP doesn't include NOSMOKE. You'll need to contact Microsoft and ask them for a patch. Let me know how it all works out. When nearly an hour had passed, the phone rang again. Customer: I need a new power supply... Technician: How did you come to that conclusion? Customer: Well, I called Microsoft and told the technician what you said, and he started asking me questions about the make of the power supply. Technician: What did he tell you? Customer: He said my power supply isn't compatible with the NOSMOKE command. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rose Webste, 39 of Port ST. Lucie, Florida Dumb way to play the lottery September 27, 2006 - Port ST. Lucie, Florida - Ap A Port St. Lucie woman won't be keeping the $200 she won from scratch-off lottery tickets. That's because police said 39 year old Rose Webster stole the roll of scratch off tickets from the gas station where she works. Authorities said Webster redeemed her winnings at another local convenience store and used the cash to buy a money order and cigarettes. Employees at that store were able to identify Webster through a photo lineup. Detectives said she confessed to the crime and may have done it because she was upset her hours at work had been cut back. Webster is charged with grand theft. She remains in St. Lucie County jail on $2,500 bail. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending these pictures: Main Street Town Entrance Gmunden, a quaint little town in Austria. Note the date that the town was officially incorporated: 1278 ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. Never been hurt at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck no. Damned varmint bit me on purpose." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free software plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== "Dad, will you do my math homework? I promised the neighbor to help him fix his fence and it's going to be late by the time we finish." "I'm sorry," replied the father. "It wouldn't be right." "Well, " said the boy, "at least you could try. Wrong answers don't count as bad as no answers." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anna Re: Program into start menu Dear Webby How do I get a program that I use a lot into the start menu, so that I don't have to keep searching for it every time? Anna Dear Anna Find the program with the file explorer, right-click it, and in the grey menu that shows up, scoot way down to where it offers you to pin it to the start menu. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Two hunters are out in the woods of kentucky when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy takes out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps: "My friend is dead! What can I do?" The operator says: "Calm down, I can help. First, let's make sure he's actually dead." There is a silence, then a gunshot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says: "OK, now what next?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk If You Love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is. I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus! While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! GO!" What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love! There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only one finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson who was in the car with me what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks! =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2006 - Sudbury, Suffolk, UK - Ananova Ten Tesco staff have won £7.5million on the Lottery - but decided to carry on working. The women, who work at a store in Sudbury, Suffolk, had one of the two winning tickets to share Saturday's £15 million jackpot. They have each won a £750,000 share, reports The Sun. A spokeswoman for Tesco said: "We obviously want to congratulate them on their good fortune. It's marvellous. "It's too early to say if any of them is planning to resign. All I can say is that they've all turned up for work again." A store insider said: "It is easy to tell who they are - they are the ones with huge grins on their faces! ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Toilet Overflowing When your toilet is overflowing, quickly reach for the shut off valve behind your toilet. Once you have the water turned off, then work on the clog. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Thanks to Bob for this story: When my mother was called for jury duty, she felt confident of her ability to answer the questions asked of prospective jurors. Since I am an attorney, I had filled her in on what to expect. Asked about the occupations of family members, Mom answered, "My son is a lawyer." As a follow-up, she was asked if she had ever used the services of an attorney. "Only to mow my lawn," she said. ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby: Thanks for the article on Colliding with Death at 37.000 ft. At least we now know a bit more on what really happened up there. I live in Argentina, but travel a lot to Brazil, and Gol has one of the best and newest fleets. It was a shock to read about the accident, especially in an area where it is almost impossible to collide with anything, as very few planes take that route. The survivors are definitely living on "lent" time, aren't they? Manin
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sculptures http://www.skep.com/sculpture/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 3/06 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 3, 2006
======================================

Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother
before his sister does.
-- Evan Esar

If you don't know where you are going,
you will probably end up somewhere else.
-- Laurence J. Peter

"I'm in favor of liberalized immigration because of the
effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about
everybody in,
except the English."
-- Calvin Tillin

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Ed told me his buddy came in late one day because
his car lock had become frozen. The guy defrosted it by
holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just
"slide" through the ice.  The guy said, "That worked so well
I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens
again."

Ed said, "How will you get them out?"

--------------------
A lighter works fine too. But don't try that trick without
gloves! The hottest part of the key is the part that you
shield from the wind, with your fingers.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for losing more mail than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said. "That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on our fence and for two weeks straight they were pulling splinters out of all the neighbors." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Rodney McMillen, 36, of Covington, Kentucky Kentucky Tarzan September 29, 2006 - Mitchell, Kentucky - AP A northern Kentucky man wearing only a thong and carrying a knife allegedly videotaped himself attempting a burglary, then left the tape behind, police said. That evidence ultimately led to his arrest, Fort Mitchell Police Chief Steve Hensley said. Rodney McMillen, 36, of Covington was charged over the weekend with first-degree burglary. "This is a very, very bizarre case, to say the least," Hensley said. McMillen allegedly broke into a woman's apartment about 3 a.m. EDT on Sept. 20, clad in only thong underwear and carrying a knife, Hensley said. The woman fended off the attacker, who left the apartment and fled into a stand of trees near the apartment complex, Hensley said. Investigating officers found a video camera the burglar left in the apartment, Hensley said, and found video of McMillen's family on the end of the tape, Hensley said. Investigators were able to identify some of them and tracked down McMillen at his mother's house in Norwood, Ohio, Hensley said. McMillen was lodged in the Hamilton County Justice Center in Cincinnati on $50,000 bond, awaiting extradition to Kentucky. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture and story: I thought each of you could use a little comic relief today. Here's the story. A city councilman, Mark Easton, lives in this neighborhood. He had a beautiful view of the east mountains, until a new neighbor purchased the lot below his house and built. Apparently, the new home was 18 inches higher than the ordinances would allow, so Mark Easton, mad about his lost view, went to the city to make sure they enforced the lower roof line ordinance. Mark and his new neighbor had some great arguments about this as you can imagine - not great feelings. The new neighbor had to drop the roof line - no doubt at great expense. Recently, Mark Easton called the city and informed them that his new neighbor had installed some vents on the side of his home. Mark didn't like the look of these vents and asked the city to investigate. When they went to Mark's home to see the vent view, this is what they found... ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to believe its verdict. Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you have for acquitting this man?" The foreman answered, "Insanity." The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers. He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!, what's that little green thing you've got down there?" The little green man runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what is that thing, anyway?" The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a leprechaun." "A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never knew leprechauns were so ugly!" The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts. "You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't have peckers." "How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman. "They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rhonda Re: Comcast For Judy RE: Comcast Pick up your phone every single time your connection is slow or down. Ask for an event number and write it down. I had problems and after MANY calls they finally sent a tech out. (make sure you aren't paying for the tech also) I kept their tech in my house for almost 6 hours so he could also experience high priced, always on internet connection. It also wouldn't hurt to ask for a credit on your bill. After all, you are paying for 24/7 connection. Below is a link to the speed test site their tech used on my machine. Run a test on a good day and record it. Good Luck Rhonda Thanks Rhonda! Another good speed test is http://www.internetfrog.com/mypc/speedtest/ Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years. He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely with picnic tables, horseshoe courts, basketball court, etc. The pond was properly shaped and fixed up for swimming when it was built. One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond as he hadn't been there for a while to look it over. As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny dipping in his pond. He made the women aware of his presence and they all went to the deep end of the pond. One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!" The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim or make you get out of the pond. I only came to feed the alligator." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a while they got to know each other so well, they decided to get married. One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was lovely. After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!" "IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't even swept together!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - Manchester, New Hampshire - AP Talk about customer service. When a would-be robber pulled a knife on a customer in Yogi's Convenient Mart in Manchester and demanded money, the store clerk didn't reach for the cash register. Instead, Richard Cote swung into action: He grabbed a baseball bat from behind the counter and whacked the robber. Twice. Cote said he just reacted spontaneously to protect his customer. The attempted robbery yesterday and Cote's swift reaction were all recorded on a store surveillance video. After getting hit by Cote's swinging bat, the man ran and dropped the knife outside the store. Police arrested Christopher Johns, 36, in connection with the botched robbery. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Small Handy Tool Box Put together a small tool box for making minor repairs around the house. Fill it with the essentials: hammer, screw drivers, a chisel, pliers, scissors, a small level, a tape measure and anything else you find yourself needing frequently. Keep it in a safe convenient place and make sure all the tools and the tool box is put away when it's done being used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Even though plastic toolboxes are quite cheap nowadays, you can often find metal fishing tackle boxes at yard sales for even less. Keep an eye out for one that is strong enough to stand on, and that is lockable. Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== After a round of golf, 4 elderly ladies sat around the club house chatting. Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked: "How did your game go?" The first said she had a good round...making the comment that she actually had 25 riders. The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was. The second lady then quickly chimed in and said that she had a very good round as well with 16 riders. The third lady then said that her round was average and that she only had 10 riders. The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all day long. The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term "rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb, he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well and then left. He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you tell me what these ladies are talking about when they refer to "riders"?" The bar tender simply smiled and said: "A 'rider' is when you have hit a shot long enough to take a ride on a golf cart." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts If you want to link to the Daily Pervert Alerts, you are most welcome. You can even pull the Pervert Alerts right into your page automatically, without having to re-upload the new ones daily. Just paste the following code at the spot in your pages where you want the Pervert Alerts to appear. Just the code between the lines: ======================================== ======================================== With some types of email programs, you can even paste that code into your signature box. Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny, "How come you aren't married?" Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet." George: "So what are you looking for?" Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house- keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice and pleasant personality is a must -and money, she's got to have money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have." George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU." Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Collision at 37,000ft http://snipurl.com/xv7q ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter Oct 2/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 2, 2006
======================================

What we think, or what we know, or what we believe is,
in the end, of little consequence.
The only consequence is what we do.
 -- John Ruskin

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Brandi finds herself in dire trouble. Her business has gone
bust and she's in serious financial trouble. She's so
desperate that she decides to ask God for help. She begins
to pray... "God, please help me. I've lost my business and
if I don't get some money, I'm going to lose my house as
well. Please let me win the lotto."

Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it. Brandi again
prays... God, please let me win the lotto! I've lost my business,
my house and I'm going to lose my car as well." Lotto night
comes and Brandi still has no luck.

Once again, she prays... "My God, why have you forsaken
me?? I've lost my business, my house, and my car. My children
are starving. I don't often ask you for help and I have
always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win
the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order."

Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens
open and Brandi is confronted by the voice of God Himself.
"Brandi, meet Me halfway on this."

"BUY A TICKET"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for losing more mail than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Lynn for this report: Some archaeologists were exploring when they came upon a cave. Written across the wall of the cave were the following symbols, in this order of appearance: A woman, a donkey, a shovel, a fish, and a Star of David. They decided that this was a unique find and the writings were at least three thousand years old. They chopped out the piece of stone and had it brought to the museum where archaeologists from all over the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge meeting after months of conferences to discuss the meaning of the markings. The president of the society stood up and pointed at the first drawing and said: "This looks like a woman. We can judge that this race was family oriented and held women in high esteem. You can also tell they were intelligent, as the next symbol resembles donkey, so, they were smart enough to have animals help them till the soil. The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means they even had tools to help them. Even further proof of their high intelligence is the fish which means that if a famine had hit the earth, whereby the food didn't grow, they would take to the sea for food. The last symbol appears to be the Star of David which means they were evidently Hebrews." The audience applauded enthusiastically. Suddenly a little old woman stood up in the back of the room and said, "Idiots! Hebrew is read from right to left. The message says, "Holy mackerel, dig the ass on that chick!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, Iowa Dopey crook September 30, 2006 - Cedar Rapids, Iowa - AP A man who police say was caught with two pounds of marijuana allegedly told officers the drug wasn't his because he had stolen the dope. Bradley Robison, 18, of Cedar Rapids, was charged with possession of marijuana with intent to deliver and failure to affix a drug tax stamp. When police found him with the marijuana, he said he had stolen it from a nearby business that he had just broken into, court records show. Linn County Attorney Harold Denton said it doesn't matter how Robison got the marijuana, only that he had it. "If you steal it, you steal it and you possess it," Denton said. "It's a double whammy." Robison was caught by officers after they saw him running from the area early Tuesday, police said. A burglary charge was being considered but had not been immediately filed. The investigation also led to a possession with intent to deliver charge being filed against Ruban Rivas, 36, for allegedly having the marijuana at the business that Robison broke into, court records show. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Mike for this picture: "My daughter-in-law was helping her mother sort flags for an auto-dealer promotion. Her cat, Bubbles, decided the flags were her personal decorations. Mike" ===========================================
Synchronize your brain waves with this CD and improve your ability to focus. A very effective course is included! Being able to focus better also increases your reading speed, retention. and understanding. It also helps greatly with remembering names. For more info click on the CD or go to http://webby.com/opti
=========================================== Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A cop saw a woman down on her knees under a streetlight. "Can I help you?" he asked. Replied the woman, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for them." After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you droped them right here?" "No," responded the blonde, "I dropped them down in that alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there.." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Judy Re: Comcast Hi Webby. I hope you can help me with internet connection problem. I'm connect to cabel,but there are time when I have low power and I cannot connect to the internet. It will be off for several hour and sometime longer.This has happen many times. They have changed the cabel modem box and a connection outside. When The repair man test my computer every thing is o.k.. Comcast has decided the problem is with the outside cabel. Hope you can help or tell me where I can go for help. Judy Dear Judy There is nothing you can do on your end about poor cable quality somewhere between your house and the station. Comcast probably does not even own the cable, but just piggybacks on a local cable company's cable. Theoretically they could raise a fuss with the local cable company, but usually they can't be bothered. Switching to a different provider piggybacking on the same cable probably would not make any difference. Switching to DSL, if it is available in your area, would generally give you more reliability, but a bit less speed. In the meantime, all you can do is yell at Comcast and hope they will get the local cable company to fix the problem. If any Comcast victim has found an effective way to deal with this problem, please write! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make! ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read: "Check for clunking sound when going around corners." Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn, and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left turn and again heard a clunk. Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to the service manager with this notation: "Remove bowling ball from trunk". =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - San Francisco - NBC From the notes on the page to the mind of a genius, Elizabeth Blackburn says many things inspired her to pursue a life in science. "I loved animals," she says. "And I got very interested in the whole question of science, and how living cells are made up." Inside cells she found a protein called telomerase that determines the life span of cells. It is nothing less than crucial to aging, stress, cancer and many other diseases. Is her research going to allow people to live forever? "My research won't allow people to live forever," says Blackburn. "If you could live out that life in a healthy way, that to me would be much more what my research is about." It has worked out so well that Friday she received the Lasker Award, sharing with two others the highest recognition in American science. "It does show that women can succeed in science," says Blackburn. "And more and more I've felt that that's an important message to be sending to younger scientists as they come into research." Many believe Blackburn could also win the Nobel Prize for Medicine on Oct. 2. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Wood Furniture When you are storing nice wood furniture, make sure you store it in a dry, well ventilated room. If you store it in a damp basement, you could discover moldy and warped furniture when you go to retrieve it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States!!!" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Worm Farm No barking and no hairballs... the perfect hobby: http://www.wormfarm.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Oct 1/06 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 1, 2006
======================================

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul
goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
-- George Carlin

The government is unresponsive to the needs of the little
man. Under 5'7", it is impossible to get your congressman
on the phone.
-- Woody Allen

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

"Doc," said the young man lying down on the couch,
"You've got to help me!
Every night I have the same horrible dream. I'm lying in
bed when all of a sudden five women rush in and start
tearing off my clothes."

The psychiatrist nodded, "And what do you do?"

"I push them away!"

"I see. And what can I do to help you with this?"

The patient implored, "Please,... Break my arms!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The weather was very hot, so this man wanted desperately take a dive in the nearby lake. He didn't bring his swimming outfit, but who cared? He was all alone. So, he undressed and got into the water. After some delightful minutes of cool swimming, a pair of old ladies walked onto the shore in his direction. He panicked, got out of the water and grabbed a bucket, which lay on the sandy beach. He held the bucket in front of his private parts and sighed with relief. The ladies got nearby and looked at him. He felt awkward and wanted to move. Then one of the ladies said, "You know, I have a special gift, I can read minds." "Impossible," said the embarrassed man, "You really know what I'm thinking?" "Yes," the lady replied, "I know that you think that the bucket you're holding has a bottom in it." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond, Indiana Explosive temper September 28, 2006 - Hammond, Indiana - AP A man upset that his neighbor's children contributed to breaking his wife's eyeglasses is accused of trying to bomb the neighbor's house in retaliation. David Michielsen, 27, of Hammond is charged with detonating a destructive device with intent to intimidate or destroy and manufacturing a destructive device. He faces 58 years in prison if convicted on both counts. The neighbor told police she was visiting Michielsen's wife Sunday when her children and Michielsen's broke the glasses. Michielsen ordered her and her children to leave, a probable cause affidavit said. Later that night, he called the neighbor and demanded a pair of glasses he could use to fix his wife's broken ones. The neighbor told police she complied, but Michielsen threw the glasses into her house about 10 minutes later, saying they wouldn't work. About an hour later, the woman heard a noise and looked outside. She saw Michielsen running away and spotted an item on her air conditioner that turned out to be a canister with a lighted green wick, the affidavit states. She extinguished the wick and called police. Police said the canister was an explosive device made from a carbon dioxide container filled with a shiny black powder. A search of Michielsen's home turned up a wick matching the one in the device, a pack of model rocket engines and other items believed used to make the device, police said. Michielsen was released after posting $50,000 bond. He is scheduled to make a formal court appearance on Oct. 6. Michielsen could not be reached for comment because his telephone number is not listed. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli for this picture: =========================================== The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several government bills that had recently been passed, printed a scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'. Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline: "HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS". ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a little friend. Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little boy say: "I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and find a carrot." And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can be his nose." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol D Re: Kodak EasyShare Hi Webby, I just installed an updated version of Kodak EasyShare. Now whenever I boot up in the morning, the first thing I see is Kodak EasyShare. Is there a way I can stop this? I am not sure where to look to fix this. I am running Windows XP. You have helped me before and I am confident you can do it again. Thank you for an enjoyable read each morning with my coffee. Carol D Dear Carol I have never used Kodak EasyShare and have no clue about the settings in that program. Best would be if you called their Support. If you can't get help from them, use the tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy to take Easyshare out of the start-up queue. Have FUN! DearWebby Thank you so much for your help. I have the Spybot program and love it. I'll use that to delete it from my start-up menu. I knew you'd have the answer! Carol ========================================== An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination." His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was late fall and the lake had just frozen over. Ole asked Lena if she would walk across the frozen lake to the general store to pick him up some tobacco. She asked for some money, but he told her to put it on their tab. So she walked across, got the tobacco and walked back. Then she asked Ole why he didn't send her with any money. He said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't sure how tick de ice vas..." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 29, 2006 - Sitka, Alaska - The Scotsman A special ring that heats up to remind husbands and wives of wedding anniversaries has been created. Makers of the ring, which heats up from hand temperature to 115F-120F in a 10-second burst on the day before the anniversary, said it could put an end to rows over forgotten dates. The Remember Ring, which is currently a concept product not yet in stock at Goldsmith Gallery, Sitka, south east Alaska, will eventually sell for around $700.. Inventor Cleve Oines, 26, is currently working on a prototype of the ring, which should be available in 2007. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Sun and Antique Furniture Sunlight makes dark wood lighter and light wood darker. Prevent uneven discoloration of antique furniture by keeping it away from windows that receive direct sunlight. Once a piece of furniture has changed color, you may need to completely refinish the piece to restore it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Sam had been a soldier at war for more than three years, during which he had been in many battles and won many decorations. He was finally discharged from service and returned home to a wife and son whom he hadn't seen in a long time. As he was walking up the path to his house, his young son spotted him and yelled, "Mommy, Mommy, here comes Daddy, an' he's got gold medals, an' he's got a Purple Heart on!" to which the mother replied, "I don't give a hoot what color it is! You got 10 seconds to welcome him, then you go play at the Jones's until supper time." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Hi Webby Just a line to stay in touch and to tell you that todays picture of the view from your office of The Chinook Arch is FANTASTIC!! No one paints prettier pictures than Mother Nature and you do a great job of capturing and sharing them. I know I have written this many times to you but need to say thanks again for the entertainment, the wake-up info, and the news about the *sicko perverts* activities, the places to find good software, and last but not least...all of the great computer assistance, you are a treasure and I appreciate you!! Cookie P.S. I group those perverts in the same band with cowardly terrorists. Dear Cookie I appreciate you and all of your contributions too! If you want the original picture, uncompressed and at 1600x1200, it's at http://webby.com/humor/i/after-sunset092906-1600.jpg Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Real Names of celebrities http://www.changednames.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 30/06 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 30, 2006
======================================

What can you say about a society that says that
God is dead and Elvis is alive?
-- Irv Kupcinet

It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has
plenty of work to do.
-- Jerome K. Jerome

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to
earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he
starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and
drags him into his office.

The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most
popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the
keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla
until they can get another one. The mime accepts.

So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime
puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He
discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he
wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger
crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.

However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires
of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the
people are paying more attention to the lion in the
next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his
audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls
across a partition, and dangles from the top of the
lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo
keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such
a good attraction.

Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps
taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his
salary keeps going up.

Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the
lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The
mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.

Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help!
Help me!"

The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds
himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.

The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose
our jobs!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under: All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale. You'd think that would be quite straightforward. But noooooo, not with The Australian. "Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when I called the hotline. "Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said. "In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at her keyboard. "Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard no typing. "Too much information?" I asked. "No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on some of the selling points" "Like what?" I asked. "Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower it is." "It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though between the caked-up dry grass." "No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me what make of lawnmower it is?" "I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it." "Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers probably would want to know that. "It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric." "Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked. "I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses." "Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said. "I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new one. Thast's why I want to sell it." "I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can." "Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they can fix the wheels too though." "The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the wheels?" "Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round and round and round, no worries." "But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said. "Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said. "They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though, unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing in the freezer, begins to thaw out. Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power circuit at the same time. Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up." "I see," said the typist. "And....er....how much do you want to ask for it?" "As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in." "Ten dollars a line," she said. "So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked, hoping to get some expert advice. "Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just... "Lawnmower for sale" and your phone number?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raffaele Artesi, 41 from Turin, Italy Italian Mike Tyson September 27, 2006 - Turin, Italy - The Scotsman An Italian musician who could not board his flight because of overbooking was so enraged that he assaulted a Turin airport worker and almost bit his ear off. Raffaele Artesi, 41, had been due to fly to Naples. Artesi was arrested for the attack on Davide Ruzza whose left ear lobe was left dangling after being almost bitten off. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== After sunset from my office. The wide band is a "Chinook Arch". The streak on the right side is the Calgary - Dallas jet getting a bit nervous entering the Chinook's turbulence. =========================================== Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start at least SOME form of communication? Sometimes I wonder. Sermon Outline: I. Delineate your fear II. Disown your fear III. Displace your rear Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a check and drip in the collection basket. Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club. Women's Luncheon: Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the medication. Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo." Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their daughter October 12 thru 17. If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do so quietly. We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up the grounds around the church building and the rector. Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford." Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized on the table in the foyer. Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because of their weight. Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the information sheep. The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of St. Mary's Cathedral. The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the church boared. As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have a goof outing. Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends. Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding. Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter. Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits. For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit. Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men. Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas. The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working. Volunteers are needed to spit up food. Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess We pray that our people will jumble themselves. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading. -Henny Youngman ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chuck Re: BreastCancer Site Hi Webby, Please send to someone. It is Important!!!! A favor to ask, it only takes a minute... A SIMPLE CLICK ONCE A DAY! Please tell ten friends to tell ten today! The BreastCancer site is having trouble getting enough people to click on their site daily to meet their quota of donating at least one free mammogram a day to an underprivileged woman. It takes less than a minute to go to their site and click on "donating a mammogram" for free (pink window in the middle). This doesn't cost you a thing. Their corporate sponsors/advertisers use the number of daily visits to donate mammogram in exchange for advertising. Here's the web site! Pass it along to people you know. http://www.thebreastcancersite.com/ AGAIN, PLEASE TELL 10 FRIENDS TO TELL 10 MORE FRIENDS TODAY, CJW Dear Chuck I have had a link to the breastcancer site in the side menu for many years. To make it more obvious and to illustrate the importance of that daily click, I have now added a new and very clickable little picture. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== A woman called Mount Sinai Hospital. She said, "Mount Sinai Hospital? Hello. Darling, I'd like to talk with the person who gives the information about the patients. But I don't want to know if the patient is better or doing like expected, or worse, I want all the information from top to bottom." The voice on the other end of the line said, "Finkel...Finkel, Let me see... Feinberg, Farber -- Finkel. Oh yes, Mrs. Finkel is doing very well. In fact, she's had two full meals, her doctor says if she continues improving he is going to send her home Tuesday." The woman said, "Thank God! That's wonderful! She's going home on Tuesday. I'm so happy to hear that. That's wonderful news." The guy on the other end said, "From your enthusiasm, I take it you must be one of the close family." She said, "What close family? I'm Sarah Finkel! My doctor tells me nothing!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Two hunters were in a lodge, making small talk. One of them asked the other "So, what do you hunt?" He answered "I hunt unicorns." The first hunter was startled, but said "Really? How do you do that?" The other answered "I find a virgin and hire her to help me. The virgin sits around in the woods until a unicorn comes to her. When it does, it sets off a snare." The first hunter said "Boy, they must be hard to find. I've heard of them, but I've never seen one." The second hunter said "Yeah, and there aren't many unicorns around, either!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 28, 2006 - Milwaukee, Wisconsin - AP Pat Gudinas has finally met her twin sister -- 71 years after they were born. "I've never had anybody in my family," she said at the reunion Tuesday at a suburban restaurant not far from where her sister, Shirley McGuire, lives. The twins were born to a woman who had been with a married man, and they ended up in different foster homes and eventually at St. Joseph Orphanage on Milwaukee's south side. Both girls were told while growing up that they were adopted and had a twin. The efforts by Gudinas to find her sister made significant progress recently when a nun in Chicago who had archival materials from the orphanage provided her with the name of the people who adopted her twin. She hired a genealogist to track her down with the help of public records and newspaper obituaries, and the genealogist showed up at McGuire's door recently, leading to the arrangements for their meeting Tuesday. "It's hard -- all these years I have missed with her," McGuire said after she and Gudinas, who lives near Austin, Texas, shared their first hug and kiss. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Dangers of Co-Signing The chances are that someone will ask you to co-sign for a loan at some point. With a co-signer a person with no credit or bad credit can qualify for a loan that they wouldn't ordinarily be able to get. However, co-signing for a loan is not something that should be done lightly. If the loan goes into default, you will be held responsible for the debt and it can impact your credit rating. Only co-sign on a loan that you are prepared to pay off yourself if it is necessary. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when I got a phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?" Jill said, "Four dollars per seat." She asked, "How much for children?" Jill said, "Same price, four dollars per seat." She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children." Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane, and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more that way." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be mixed in with the humor here in the Humor Letter, but one click away at the Pervert Alerts DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Just want to say THANKS for all you are doing in protecting the grieving families of fallen veterans. What in heaven's name are these idiots doing at a grave site that is of no concern to them. Hope there is soon a way to stop them. P.S. I am not an American but I feel for the families. Keep up the good work and maybe they will get the message --You are not wanted here-- Thanks for listening. Cathy Dear Cathy I am not an American either, but American newsletter writers seem to be too chicken to stand up for what is right. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Interprete" target="_blank" >http://tinyurl.com/jle8h">Interprete your dreams http://tinyurl.com/jle8h ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 29/06 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  September 29, 2006
======================================
To show support for the troops, wear something red on Fridays

Success seems to be largely a matter of hanging on
after others have let go.
-- William Feather

My method is to take the utmost trouble to find the right
thing to say, and then to say it with the utmost levity.
-- George Bernard Shaw

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Chicken
Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where chicken
little tried to warn the farmer.

She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that
farmer said?"

Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said - "Holy Cow!
A talking chicken!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey. "If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners, then I'm against it. "But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children, then I'm for it." "This is my position, and I will not compromise!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Aaron Janssen. 36 of polk County, Iowa ya mean dope is not legal in Iowa? September 23, 2006 - Des Moines, Iowa - The Des Moines Register Aaron Janssen made it way too easy. Janssen, 36, was arrested on marijuana charges Thursday, after he was spotted taking a leisurely stroll through downtown, carrying his recently harvested pot plants. Polk County Chief Deputy Mark Burdock said he did a double take when he looked out his office window at the county jail and saw Janssen walking down the sidewalk, carrying his freshly harvested crop. "I look out the window ... , and I see him walking north carrying a green leafy substance, all pulled up by its roots," Burdock said. "He was carrying it like you'd carry a bundle of presents. It was tall enough where he was looking over the top of them, and he's just walking like nothing's going on." Burdock said he went outside and yelled at Janssen, who walked right over to him, still carrying the plants. Janssen said the plants were part of his marijuana grown near the Des Moines River, but wouldn't say exactly where, Burdock said. Deputies also found two two-pound bags of processed marijuana strapped to each of Janssen's legs, and a third wrapped in a sweater. Burdock said the marijuana had an estimated street value of about $2,000. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to David for this picture: =========================================== A man and a woman are driving along when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must be cold. What should I do?" He says, "Put it between your legs." She says, "What about the smell?" He says, "Awww, just hold its nose." ===========================================
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=========================================== From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands. "Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain. "I have no idea..... but every year when we pass, he goes nuts...." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Windows Defender Hi Webby, I'm out of my league with Windows Defender Beta. I have no idea what this is, or if I should be updating the Windows Defender. I received a notice of update today, but in the content of the description there was a warning that you should have a 64 bit. I checked, per their instructions via start, computer, right click on properties, but I do not see anything about a 64 bit. Should I have Windows Defender on my computer at all? You've helped me in the past, and I'm seeking help again. Carol Dear Carol Windows Defender Beta is just Microsoft's attempt to come out with a program that will do what Spybot-Search&Destroy does, but that they can rent out on a monthly basis, IF and WHEN it is as good as Spybot-S&D. Well, so far it isn't, and so they are calling it Beta 2, and hope that you will volunteer and help them find the bugs in it. The data on my machines is too important to risk it with a Beta version of anti-spyware. Therefore I am sticking with Spybot-Search&Destroy. It works. and it's free. Spybot Search&Destroy is built and maintained by volunteers. They gratefully accept donations to help with the server costs, but they don't nag you about donations. If you have the full version of the Dear Webby Humor Letter, then you can click on the blue Spybot button I have for it in the side menu. If you have any other version, you can jump straight to the download area by going to http://webby.com/spybot http://webby.com/spybot Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by a farmer. "What happened?" said the farmer. Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open, "Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens here on a Sunday." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Robert went to see his doctor. He wasn't feeling well at all. He felt tired, run down, and generally suffering from exhaustion. "My diagnosis is simply that you are worn out," said the doctor. "I believe you've been playing too much golf." "Too much golf," exclaimed Robert. "What can I do?" "You need to take some time off and relax," said the doctor. "My advice to you is to spend some time at the office." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 27, 2006 - North Ridgeville, Ohio - AP People from as far away New Mexico and the Netherlands were in northern Ohio over the weekend, getting up close and personal with skunks. Skunk owner Jeri Lynn Poling says others may not understand, but skunks make great pets and are soft and cuddly. She thinks having a rat or a lizard or a snake is weird. Poling and other polecat enthusiasts gathered in North Ridgeville, about 25 miles southwest of Cleveland, for the sixth annual Skunkfest. The event raises money for Skunk Haven, a nonprofit group that saves and rehabilitates injured skunks. And, pet skunks compete in beauty, personality and costume contests. By the way, they all pass the sniff test, because those domesticated skunks are deodorized. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Your Spouse and Your Credit Score Keep in mind that your credit report may be tied to your spouse's. If your spouse has bad credit habits, it could effect your credit as well. Even a divorce will not necessarily eliminate negative marks against your credit since you may be held accountable for any joint accounts and shared debt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Thanks to Phil for these requests from tenants: "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my knob off." "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." "The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?" "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." "The person next door has a large erection in his backyard, which is unsightly and dangerous." "Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk? Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." "Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would like to have a third, so will you please send someone to do something about it." "Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us." "I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting to be too much." "When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day. Thank you very much Helen Dear Helen Did you see who got a "Sniveling Ninnie" award and why ? You are not the only hoe mail victim, whose mail they lost. Do you want a referral for gmail ? It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails. Have FUN! DearWebby
If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
========================================
Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Sistine in Waterloo Iowa http://tinyurl.com/jppqg ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 28/06 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  September 28, 2006
======================================

One forgives to the degree that one loves.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

It's not the years in your life but the life in your years that counts.
-- Adlai Stevenson-Nightingale

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to sound like he
knew what he was doing and went out walking with one of
the hired hands.  Walking through the barnyard, the visitor
tried starting a conversation and said, "Say, look at that
big bunch of cows over there."

The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "

"Heard what?"

"Herd of cows."

"Sure, I've heard of cows.  There's a big bunch of 'em
right over there."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo mail  for losing mail
   Telus    for losing mail
   hotmail  for getting worse than usual

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband, "Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?" "I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson. "And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs. Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper costume for a mother of two." "I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson. "Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson. "A lot of good it does YOU to go to church." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Raymond, James and Richard Pattin from Hamburg, NJ Wedding Violence September 25, 2006 - Gloucester, Massachusetts - CBS A wedding in Gloucester over the weekend will be one to remember and for all the wrong reasons. A groom and his brother were arrested for allegedly beating up their father because he had too much to drink and became violent. According to a report in the Gloucester Daily Times, all four police units in town were called to the Ocean View Inn on Atlantic Avenue around 8:30 p.m. Saturday, because of a family fight after a wedding. Police told the paper 53-year-old Raymond Pattin of Woodbridge, New Jersey and his three sons had been arguing, after the youngest son, a 16-year-old, hid a bottle of wine from him, because they thought he had too much to drink. The father allegedly became furious, then shoved and hit the teen. That's when, police say, the two older brothers jumped in, took their father outside, had an argument, and then beat him up. Police told the paper they found the father in one of the guest rooms. He was not wearing a shirt and he was bleeding from a cut above his right eye. They arrested Pattin and his two oldest sons - the groom, 24-year-old James Pattin of Hamburg, New Jersey and his 19-year-old brother, Richard, also of Hamburg. All three were charged with domestic assault and battery. They were scheduled to appear in Gloucester District Court at 9 a.m. Monday. But they did not show up. The court clerk said it is likely arrest warrants will be issued for all three men. ===========================================
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=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: =========================================== Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him. "She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return," she said. "What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if you'd be that concerned about me?" "Honey," she answered, "if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were, you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== A first grade teacher was having trouble with one of her students. The teacher asked, "Norman what is your problem?" Norman answered, "I'm too smart for the first grade. My sister is in the third grade and I'm smarter than she is! I think I should be in the third grade, too!" The teacher had had enough. She took Norman to the principal's office. While Norman waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to the principal what the situation was. The principal told the teacher he would give the boy a test and if he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the first grade and behave. The teacher agreed. Norman was brought in and the conditions are explained to him and he agrees to take the test. Principal: "What is 3 x 3?" Norman: "9" Principal: "What is 6 x 6?" Norman: "36" And so it went with every question the principal thought a third grader should know. The principal looks at the teacher and tells her, "I think Norman can go to the third grade." The teacher says to the principal, "May I ask him some questions?" The principal and Norman both nod in agreement. The teacher asks, "What does a cow have four of that I have only two of?" Norman, after a moment: "Legs." Teacher: "What is in your pants that you have but I do not have?" The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the answer. Norman replied, "Pockets." Teacher: "What word starts with an 'F' and ends in 'K', and always means a lot of commotion and excitement? Harry: "Firetruck" The principal breathed a sigh of relief and told the teacher, "Put Norman in the fifth grade, I missed the last three questions myself." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Malcolm Re: Too much spam Dear Webby, I can't keep up with my work because of all the spam I get. And no, I can't change the company email addresses. How good is that mailwasher that you keep mentioning? I want your honest opinion of it. Malcolm Dear Malcolm The reason I have the link for Mailwasher in the full version of the Humor Letter is because I highly recommend it. It reduces the 2000+ pieces of mail I get every day to the 200 that I need to see and answer. It washes the mail on the server, without wasting time to download more than the headers. It's easy to use and rock solid. Once every hour I hit F5 and it checks the mail. It downloads the headers and sorts and color codes the list. I glance over it to check for false positives, then hit F6. That causes it to dump the spam and open Eudora for downloading the legitimate mail. Unfortunately it does not have a feature for nuking the spammers, but other than that, it has everything a professinal grade spam control program should have. If the version of the Humor Letter that you are subscribed to doesn't have a button to get it, browse to http://webby.com/mailwasher http://webby.com/mailwasher Testdrive the free trial version, and if you like it, buy it a month later. I have recommended MailWasher for over three years and have heard only good things about it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Bill and Marla decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and order him to report on all the neighborhood activities. The boy began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation. "There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said. "An ambulance just drove by." A few moments passed. "Looks like the Andersons have company," he called out, "Matt's riding a new bike and the Coopers are making love." Mom and Dad shot up in bed. "How do you know that?" the startled father asked. "Their kid is standing out on the balcony too," his son replied. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A little girl and a little boy were at day care one day. The girl approaches the boy and says, "Hey Tommy, wanna play house?" He says, "Sure! What do you want me to do?" The girl replies, "I want you to communicate your thoughts." "Communicate my thoughts?" said a bewildered Tommy. "I have no idea what that means." The little girl smirks and says, "Perfect. You can be the husband." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 25, 2006 - Syringa, Idaho - Lewiston Tribune It was a ricochet nearly 50 years in the making. At age 8, Terry Jackson gave up his prized .22-caliber Winchester short-barrel rifle to get his grandmother a washer. Recently, the 57-year-old got the gun back through a series of chance encounters and conversations. "I didn't even have much reaction," said Jackson. "I was so dumbfounded." As a boy, Jackson felt bad that his grandmother was too poor to have a washer. So he took the rifle he had earned money for by mowing lawns and doing other chores to a pawn shop. "That was the only thing I had that was worth anything," Jackson told The Lewiston Tribune. The pawn shop owner agreed to trade a wringer washer for the rifle. When the washer was delivered to his grandmother, Edna Jackson, she refused it until realizing the sacrifice her grandson had made. "She just couldn't believe it," Jackson said. The rifle, meanwhile, remained with the pawn shop owner, Bill Jackson. He never sold the rifle, instead giving it to family friend James Grow in the 1980s, recounting the story that accompanied the rifle. "He told me the story but I never thought anything about it," Grow said. "I didn't even know who Terry Jackson was at the time, although Bill did tell me his name." Grow said Bill Jackson told him the gun might be worth something someday. He never shot the rifle and kept it in his closet. Grow become an attorney in Lewiston, and Terry Jackson recently hired Grow to do some legal work. The connection might not have been made about the rifle except for a conversation Becky Brotnov, Terry Jackson's companion, had with Grow during a business lunch. She told the story of Terry Jackson giving up the rifle to get the washer. "All of a sudden it dawned on me, I own the gun," Grow said. After hearing the story, Grow said he knew he wouldn't keep the gun. So he recently drove to Terry Jackson's home to return the rifle. "That was a really nice thing he did for his grandma," Grow said. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Apply For Credit Too Often Don't apply for credit if you think you will be denied. Don't try to apply for credit cards too frequently. Submitting too many credit applications in a short period of time can lower your credit score and make it more difficult to get credit when you really need it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== After many years, a young Talmud student who had left the old country for America returns to visit the family. "But...where is your beard?" asks his mother upon seeing him. "Mama," he replies, "In America, nobody wears a beard." "But at least your keep the Sabbath," mama asks. "Mama, business is business. In America, everybody works on the Sabbath." "But only kosher food you still eat?", asks mama. "Mama, in America, it is very difficult to keep kosher." The old lady ponders this information and then leans over and whispers in his ear, "Isaac, tell me, are you still circumcised?" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Dear Webby, I always look forward to receiving your newsletter, a wonderful combination of jokes and computer education. The amazing part of the camel picture in today's newsletter though, is the fact that what you're seeing is the shadows of the camels and the live camels are the black and white strips at the feet of the camel shadows. Just thought you'd like to know! Eileen If you missed yesterday's issue, you can see it in the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Most Wanted http://www.amw.com/show_archive/tv_detail.cfm?id=653 ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 27/06 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  September 27, 2006
======================================

One hundred years from now, it will not matter what my
bank account was, how big my house was, or what kind
of car I drove. But the world may be a little better, because
I was important in the life of a child.
-- Forest Witcraft

======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

For a holiday, an Irishman decided to go to Switzerland to
fulfill a lifelong dream and climb the Matterhorn.

He hired a guide and just as they neared the top, the men
were caught in a snow slide.

Three hours later, a Saint Bernard plowed through to them, a
keg of brandy tied under his chin.

"Hooray!" shouted the guide. "Here comes man's best friend!"

"Yeah," said the Irishman. "An' look at the size of the dog
that's bringin' it!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to


   Telus    for losing mail

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== "Flight 1234," the control tower advised, "turn right 45 degrees for noise abatement." "Roger," the pilot responded, "but we're at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up here?" "Sir," the radar man replied, "have you ever heard the noise a 727 makes when it hits a 747?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Principal Nancy Lawson in Frisco, Texas Hypocritical principal fires teacher for following her order September 26, 2006 - Frisco, Texas - AP An award-winning Texas art teacher who was reprimanded after one of her fifth-grade students saw a nude sculpture during a trip to a museum has lost her job. The school board in Frisco has voted not to renew Sydney McGee's contract after 28 years. She has been on administrative leave. The teacher took her students on an approved field trip to a Dallas museum, and now some parents are upset. The Fisher Elementary School art teacher came under fire last April when she took 89 fifth-graders on a field trip to the Dallas Museum of Art. Parents raised concerns over the field trip after their child reported seeing a nude sculpture at the art museum. The parents had signed permission slips allowing their children to take part in the field trip. McGee's lawyer said the principal at Fisher Elementary School, Nancy Lawson, admonished her after a parent complained that a student had seen nude art. McGee said the principal Nancy Lawson had urged her to take the students to the museum. Now, McGee, who was honored with a Star Teacher Award two years ago, is on paid administrative leave until her contract with the school district expires in March. Other parents are worried about the future of the art program at the school, which they cite as a reason for moving into the neighborhood. "Our main concern right now is what's going to happen to the children and what's going to happen to the art program at Fisher Elementary. It is the best art program. That's the reason we moved to this neighborhood. It's because of the teachers," said Shannon Allen, a parent. "It was a principal-approved trip. What's the big deal?" Officials with the Frisco school district declined to comment on the matter. --------------------------------------------------- The phone number for that school is (469) 633-6000 Their email address is mckays@friscoisd.org Dallas Museum of Art: http://www.dallasmuseumofart.org/ Don't worry about any shocking pictures. The Dallas Museum of Art is known to be a very conservative institution. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for this picture: =========================================== The local parish had a fairly new priest. He had wonderful, innovative ideas that were, for the most part accepted by the congregation. His mentor - a "higher ranking" priest came for a visit - to see how he was doing. After looking the parish over, the senior priest said, "Father John, your idea of a drive through confessional is wonderful. That makes it so convenient for your church members. And, Father John, it was a really good idea to have the confessional open 24 hours a day, for those who work shift work. However, Father John... that flashing neon sign that says "TOOT and TELL or GO to HELL" ... well, it has GOT TO GO!! ===========================================
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=========================================== A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read, "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: PayPal split payment Dear Webby, Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments, one to me and one to my partner, by putting another PayPal button onto the Thank-You page? Ellen Dear Ellen Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you, then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning, have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting new ones. PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that: No split payments. I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that. That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your partner. You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with absolutely no detectable link between them. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== Thanks to Lilly for this story: I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals. I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or "Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie." However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the freezer with what he really likes. If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say: "Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care," "Something Good," or "Food." My frustration is reduced because no matter what my husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner, I know that it will be there waiting. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A man had a terrible accident. His manhood was mangled and torn from his body. The doctor reassured him that modern medicine made it possible for his manhood to be rebuilt, but insurance didn't cover the expense. It was considered cosmetic. He had three choices - small for $3,500; medium for $6,500 and large for $14,000. The man was sure he'd want a medium or large. The doctor suggested that he discuss it with his wife privately before a final decision was made. The doctor left the room and while he was gone the man called his wife and told her their options. The doctor returned and found the man looking very sad. "Did you make a decision?" the doctor asked. "Yes," said the man. "She'd rather remodel the kitchen!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos Hollywood, Florida - AP A struggling actor has been paid nearly $260,000 by a casino after he was initially denied the money when managers said his apparent win was a mistake. Freddy Howard, 53, of Sunny Isles Beach, took part in a free promotional game, the Swipe and Win Progressive jackpot, while at the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino near Hollywood on Aug. 29. Howard swiped his Players Club card, and a hostess and supervisor broke the news: He had won $259,945.75. Howard was showered with attention and presented with a giant cardboard check. Then casino managers broke the bad news - a computer glitch had caused an error and he was not a big winner. On Tuesday, the Hard Rock paid him anyway. "We are making this payment as a gesture of goodwill, and I am pleased to tell you that Mr. Howard has accepted," said Allen Huff, chairman of the Seminole Gaming Commission. Howard had hired a lawyer and also threatened to picket the casino. "Honestly, I just want to be gathered together with relatives and with friends and thank God once again for this whole thing," Howard said. He said he agreed not to discuss the details of his deal with the casino. ============================================= Yes, you got one more chance to get Joel Christophers birthday blowout stack of marketing books and seminar audio files. The package is worth a few thousand dollars to anybody who wants to become an Internet entrepreneur, but to celebrate the 18th anniversary of becoming an American, Joel Christopher gives you this big stack for under $10. If a work at home career interests you, then click here ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Debt Consolidation Warning Debt consolidation can offer a great opportunity for people that have amassed large amounts of credit card debt at unfavorable interest rates. You can get lower, more manageable monthly payments and reduce the number of bills you have to pay each month. The problem many people have is that they then start using their newly paid off credit cards again and end up with even more debt. If you don't change your spending habits, debt consolidation merely enables you to get further in debt. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== The teacher asked little Johnny, "Can you name four shooting stars?" Little Johnny said, "I sure can. Wyatt Earp, Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne." ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman. "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked. "No peer pressure" she responded. ======================================== Thanks to Trish for this Bonus Link: A-Z London Atlas http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/magazine/5371680.stm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 26/06 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  September 26, 2006
======================================

In politics, absurdity is not a handicap.
-- Napoleon Bonaparte

People with courage and character
always seem sinister to the rest.
-- Hermann Hesse

======================================
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Sandie for this report:

CHANGING A LIGHT BULB THE CHRISTIAN WAY
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?

Charismatic : Only 1
Hands are already in the air.

Pentecostal : 10
One to change the bulb, and nine to pray against the spirit
of darkness.

Presbyterians : None
Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

Roman Catholic : None
Candles only.

Baptists : At least 15.
One to change the light bulb, and three committees to
approve the change and decide who brings the potato
salad and fried chicken

Episcopalians: 3
One to call the electrician, one to mix the drinks and one
to talk about how much better the old one was.

Mormons : 5
One man to change the bulb, and four wives to tell him
how to do it.

Unitarians :
We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or
against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own
journey you have found that light
bulbs work for you, you are invited to write a poem or
compose a modern dance about your light bulb for the next
Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light
bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, 3-way,
long-life and tinted, all of which are equally valid paths to
luminescence.

Methodists : Undetermined
Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you
are loved. You can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb.
Bring a bulb of your choice to the Sunday lighting service
and a covered dish to pass.

Nazarene : 6
One woman to replace the bulb while five men review
church lighting policy.

Lutherans: None
Lutherans don't believe in change.

Amish :
What's a light bulb?

God:
Let there be light.

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   Comcast  for inappropriate censorship
   Telus    for inappropriate censorship

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this story: Three little ducks go into a Bar.............................. "Say, what's your name?" the bartender asked the first duck "Huey," was the reply. "How's your day been, Huey?" "Great. Lovely day. Had a ball. Been in and out of puddles all day. What else could a duck want?" said Huey. "Oh. That's nice," said the bartender. He turned to the second duck, "Hi, and what's your name?" "Dewey," came the answer from duck number two. "So how's your day been, Dewey! ?" he asked. "Great. Lovely day. I've had a ball too. Been in and out of puddles all day myself. What else could a duck want?" The bartender turned to the third duck and said, "So, you must be Louie?" "No," she said, batting her eyelashes. "My name is Puddles." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Richard Brooks, 50, of Concord, California Saved by the intended victims September 25, 2006 - Pittsburgh, California - AP A drunken motorist who brandished a pool cue while driving at a group of motorcyclists was hit by his own car after he attempted to approach the bikers on foot, authorities said. Richard Brooks, 50, of Concord, was pulled to safety by the motorcyclists after his car -- which he left in reverse -- knocked him into the highway on Thursday, said Officer Scott Yox of the California Highway Patrol. Brooks, who was arrested on suspicion of assault with a deadly weapon and driving under the influence, told authorities he was offended by skeletons some of the riders wore on their leather Harley-Davidson jackets and what he perceived as their attempts to appear tough. "It was his impression that they thought they were better than him," Yox said. "They were irritating to him and he felt he needed to do something about it." Yox said authorities had no evidence the riders instigated the incident. "Instead of mocking him for going after them, they perhaps set their own safety aside to reach over and rescue him from a position of danger," he said. Brooks, who was treated at a hospital for cuts and scrapes, remained jailed Friday in lieu of $30,000 bail. ------------------------------------ Maybe in jail he will be clued in that the skulls on biker's jackets are not meant to intimidate bozos. They are a symbol of bikers defying death by riding relatively unsafe machinery, in traffic populated by cellphone addicted, inattentive car drivers. And that the reason for the leather jackets is to minimize the injuries suffered, when a rider is knocked onto the pavement by some absentminded or uncaring or drunk driver, who will then claim that he never saw the biker. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for this picture: =========================================== PETA upset at Six Flags roach contest September 25, 2006 GURNEE, Ill. --People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals wants Six Flags Great America to scrap its Halloween-themed cockroach-eating promotion. A spokeswoman for the animal rights organization says the contest at the amusement park's FrightFest is "gratuitously cruel." The park in Gurnee, Ill., is joining other Six Flags parks in offering unlimited line-jumping privileges to anyone who eats a live Madagascar hissing cockroach. The bugs are up to three inches long. The contest begins next month. Amusement park officials are defending their menu choice. Great America spokesman Jim Taylor says the bugs are nutritious, high in protein and fat free. It is rumored that since the bugs routinely beat PETA officials in IQ tests, the bugs may contain intelligence boosting proteins. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Hilde for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ormond Re: Spreadsheet to web page Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to transfer part of a spreadsheet to a web page? Thanks Ormond Dear Ormond Copy the parts, that you want to transfer, into a new spreadsheet, and save that one as an HTML web page. Open that file, and copy the entire table that is in it, and paste it into the page where you want it. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== During my surgical residency I was called out of a sound sleep to the emergency room. Unshaven and with tousled hair, I showed up with an equally unpresentable medical student. In the ER we encountered the on-call medical resident and his student, both neatly attired in clean white lab coats. The resident said to his student, "You can always tell the surgeons by their absolute disregard for appearance." Two evenings later, I was at a banquet when called to the ER to suture a minor laceration. I was stitching away, wearing a tuxedo, when I encountered that same medical resident. He looked at me, then said to his student, "Sure is sensitive to criticism, isn't he?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== An employment interviewer for a big company in Atlanta was talking to an attractive young woman applying for a job. Looking over the application form, the interviewer noticed that the girl had not answered one important question concerning transportation to and from work. "What about your bus line?" the interviewer asked her. "I don't believe I mentioned it," came the pleased reply, "but it's 38C." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 22, 2006 - Dallas, Texas - Happy News Panda Ethanol Inc. was joined today by officials from across the state to break ground on the company's 100 million gallon-per-year ethanol plant in Hereford, Texas. When finished, the first- of-its-kind facility will be one of the most energy efficient ethanol refineries in the nation and the largest bio-mass fueled ethanol plant in the United States. Unlike other plants which burn natural gas or coal to generate the steam used in the ethanol manufacturing process, the Hereford facility will gasify up to 1 billion pounds of cattle manure per year. By using biogas to fuel the plant, Panda is both conserving the energy equivalent of 1,000 barrels of oil a day and helping to address a significant environmental problem for the Panhandle region. ============================================= Yes, you got one more chance to get Joel Christophers birthday blowout stack of marketing books and seminar audio files. The package is worth a few thousand dollars to anybody who wants to become an Internet entrepreneur, but to celebrate the 18th anniversary of becoming an American, Joel Christopher gives you this big stack for under $10. If a work at home career interests you, then click here ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Charging and Start Using Cash If your credit card debt is getting out of hand, the first thing you need to do is stop using your credit cards. Many people get into the mindset of "I'll pay it off later" or "I'm already in debt, what will a little debt hurt?". They keep using credit cards for everyday expenses so they don't feel broke and don't have to change their spending patterns. Retire your credit cards, set up a budget and start paying with cash. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A farmer had advertised his farm and was showing it to a prospective buyer. As they walked along a fence line the buyer saw bee hives and stopped. He said, "Those hives are pretty close to the road." The farmer explained that the bees just made honey and have never stung anyone. The buyer felt unsure about the sale until he proposed that he be tied to a nearby tree, naked, overnight. If he was stung once he would get the farm for free, but if he wasn't stung then he would pay the farmer double the price. The farmer agreed and tied the now naked man to the tree. The next morning the farmer saw the man leaning over and very pale. "Oh no," the farmer thought, "he got stung and now I have to give him the farm!" As he reached the man he gently shook him and asked where he got stung and if he needed a doctor. "No, no, I'm okay I guess," gasped the naked man. "I have no choice, do I? I'll pay you double for the farm... but doesn't that calf have a mother?" ======================================== Pervert Alerts By popular demand, the Pervert Alerts have been moved to a separate page. I will continue to do the research, but it will not be shown here in the Humor Letter. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A little boy was taken to the dentist. The dentist discovered that the boy had a cavity that needed to be filled. "Now, young man," asked the dentist, "what kind of filling would you like for that tooth?" The little boy replied, "Chocolate, please." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Virtual Tours http://www.explore-kew-gardens.net/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 25/06 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  September 25, 2006
======================================

There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste.
-- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to use earplugs?
-- Spike Milligan

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to kati for this story:
 The Sunday School teacher was describing how Lot's wife
 looked back and turned into a pillar of salt, when little
 Jason interrupted, "My Mummy looked back once, while she
 was driving," he announced triumphantly, "and she turned
 into a telephone pole!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   Comcast  for inappropriate censorship


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== The preacher's 5 year-old daughter noticed that her father always paused and bowed his head, for a moment, before starting his sermon. One day, she asked him why. "Well, Honey," he began, proud that his daughter was so observant of his messages, "I'm asking the Lord to help me preach a good sermon." "How come He doesn't do it?" she asked. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the health care system in England Notice of death was greatly exaggerated September 22, 2006 - UK - The Scotsman A woman recovering from major surgery returned from a doctor's appointment to find a letter telling her she was dead. Julia Warnes had suffered complications following a hysterectomy last year which left her seriously ill. She required an operation on a twisted bowel. After an appointment for a blood test, she came home to find the letter from Sutton and East Surrey Water. Addressed to the household, it explained that her direct debit had been cancelled due to her death and advised the family to contact the company to find out how this would affect water charges. Luckily Mrs Warnes, a 46-year-old mother-of-two, saw the funny side. She said: "It was very ironic after everything I've been through. I thought 'Am I? Well you'd think the doctor would have told me'. "You've got to see the funny side. When my husband found out he asked what it was I was supposed to have died of, because if it was accidental he was in for a lot of money." ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Lower Vermundt Lake =========================================== Thanks to Cookie for this report: SILLY LAWSUITS In 1997, Michigan Lawsuit Abuse Watch (M-LAW) began a contest to expose how frivolous lawsuits, and a concern about potential frivolous lawsuits, have led to a new cultural phenomenon: the wacky warning label. A warning on an electric router made for carpenters cautions: "This product not intended for use as a dental drill." A warning label found on a baby stroller cautions the user to "Remove child before folding" A prescription of sleeping pills says, "Warning: May cause drowsiness A sticker on a toilet at a public facility in Ann Arbor, Michigan actually warns: "Recycled flush water unsafe for drinking." A massage chair warns: "DO NOT use massage chair without clothing.... and, Never force any body part into the backrest area while the rollers are moving." A snowblower warns: "Do not use snowthrower on roof.²" A dishwasher carries this warning: "Do not allow children to play in the dishwasher." A CD player carries this unusual warning: "Do not use the Ultradisc2000 as a projectile in a catapult." An "Aim-n-Flame" fireplace lighter cautions, "Do not use near fire, flame or sparks" A label on a hand-held massager advises consumers not to use "while sleeping or unconscious" A container of underarm deodorant says, "Caution: Do not spray in eyes" A cartridge for a laser printer warns, "Do not eat toner" A household iron warns users: "Never iron clothes while they are being worn" A label with a hair dryer reads, "Never use hair dryer while sleeping" A 13-inch wheel on a wheelbarrow warns: "Not intended for highway use" A cardboard car sunshield that keeps sun off the dashboard warns, "Do not drive with sunshield in place" A Bathroom Heater says: "This product is not to be used in bathrooms" A can of self-defense pepper spray warns users: "May irritate eyes" A warning on a pair of shin guards manufactured for bicyclists says: "Shin pads cannot protect any part of the body they do not cover." A popular manufactured fireplace log warns: "Caution - Risk of Fire" A box of birthday cake candles says: "DO NOT use soft wax as ear plugs or for any other function that involves insertion into a body cavity. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Her: "How's your history paper coming?" Him: "Well, my history professor suggested that I use the Internet for research and it's been very helpful. Her: "Really?" Him: "Yes! So far I've located 17 people who sell them!" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Armond Re: How difficult are postcards? Dear Webby, I have been told that the only way I can increase traffic to my site is to either pay through the nose for ads, or set up postcards to attract visitors. How difficult is it to set up postcards? Armond Dear Armond If you are web literate and don't freak out at the sight of naked HTML, it's easy. You get the templates and simply replace the picture names. Instead of sample1.jpg you put in doggie1.jpg, and so on. You DO need to have your own pictures. Otherwise your site would be the same as others, and no reason for anybody to go to yours. Pick a narrow topic, that is of interest to your potential clients, and build the site that has the best collection of pictures in that narrow topic. Then you will get plenty of targeted visitors quickly. To get the free templates, go to http://mypostcards.com Start with the Free Basic. Not because it is free, but because it is very basic, without all the fancy options. That way you will easily see and understand the concept. You can always upgrade at any time, without losing your previous work. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== A couples happy married life almost went on the rocks because of the presence in the household of old Aunt Emma. For seventeen long years she lived with them, always crotchety, always demanding. Finally the old girl died. On the way back from the cemetery, the husband confessed to his wife, "Darling, if I didn't love you so much, I don't think I would have put up with having your Aunt Emma in the house all those years." His wife looked at him aghast. "My Aunt Emma!" she cried. "I thought she was your Aunt Emma!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== Two guys left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. The passenger screamed, "Look at the window. There's an old ghost's face there!" The driver sped up, but the old man's face stayed in the window. The passenger rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, "What do you want?" The old man softly replied, "You got any tobacco?" The passenger handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, "Step on it," to the driver, rolling up the window in terror. A few minutes later they calmed down and started laughing again. The driver said, "I don't know what happened, but don't worry; the speedometer says we're doing 80 now." All of a sudden there was a light tapping on the window and the old man reappeared. "There he is again," the passenger yelled. He rolled down the window and shakily said, "Yes?" "Do you have a light?" the old man quietly asked. The passenger threw a lighter out the window saying, "Step on it!" The speedometer showed 100 miles an hour. They were trying to forget what they had just seen and heard, when all of a sudden there came some more tapping. "Oh my God! He's back!" The passenger rolled down the window and screamed in stark terror, "WHAT NOW?" The old man gently replied, "Do you bozos want some help getting out of the mud?" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 22, 2006 - Shapokpee, Minnesota - Happy News On Saturday, September 30, 2006, local quilting enthusiasts will come together at Mall of America for the first-ever national Quilt Pink Day, a fundraising event to benefit the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation. Hosting the event locally will be 21 quilt shops across Minnesota and Wisconsin and Minnesota Quilters Inc., a statewide quilting organization. On Quilt Pink Day, quilters across the area will be making pink quilts to send to Better Homes and Gardens(R) American Patchwork & Quilting(R) magazine for an online auction slated for May 2007. Proceeds from the auction will be presented to the Komen Foundation the following October. To volunteer or for more information visit: http://www.mnpink com or call Eagle Creek Quilt Shop 952-233-3774. For national event information: http://www.quiltpink.com ============================================= Yes, you got one more chance to get Joel Christophers birthday blowout stack of marketing books and seminar audio files. The package is worth a few thousand dollars to anybody who wants to become an Internet entrepreneur, but to celebrate the 18th anniversary of becoming an American, Joel Christopher gives you this big stack for under $10. If a work at home career interests you, then click here ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Discretionary Vs. Mandatory Spending When making a budget, be sure to identify Discretionary and Mandatory expenses. Mandatory expenses are things like health insurance and rent that you cannot afford to do without. Discretionary expenses are things that aren't crucial to you or your families existence like a NetFlix subscription or eating out. When times get rough financially or when you want to save money for something, you can start by eliminating discretionary expenses from your monthly budget. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's one benefit of owning the company...." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Monday, Sept. 25 - at 12:15 p.m. Cleveland, Tennessee. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David T. Weir at Fike Funeral Home, 2415 N. Ocoee Street, Cleveland, Tennessee. Tues., Sept. 26 at 10:15 a.m. Topeka, KS Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Bernard L. Deghand at Sacred Heart Church, 312 NE Freeman Ave., Topeka, KS Wednesday, Sept. 27 at 9:15 a.m. St. Louis, Missouri. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Russell M. Makowski at Kutis Funeral Home, 5255 Lemay Ferry Rd., St. Louis, Missouri. Thursday, Sept. 28 at 9:15 a.m. Independence, MO Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. 1st Class Michael T. Fuga at St. Mary's Church, 600 N. Liberty, Independence, MO Saturday, Sept. 30 at 9:15 a.m. Abingdon, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Petty Officer 2nd Class David S. Roddy at St. Francis DeSails, 1450 Abingdon Rd., Abingdon, Maryland I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A rabbi said to a precocious six-year-old boy, "So your mother says your prayers for you each night? Very commendable. What does she say?" The little boy replied, "Thank God he's in bed!" ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Virtual Tours http://www.explore-kew-gardens.net/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 24/06 


Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  September 24, 2006
======================================

They are ill discoverers that think there is no land,
when they can see nothing but sea.
-- Sir Francis Bacon

Remember that as a teenager you are at the last stage of
your life when you will be happy to hear that
the phone is for you.
-- Fran Lebowitz

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Thanks to Kati for this story:
Bubba went to a psychiatrist. "I've got problems. Everytime
I go to bed I think there's  somebody under it. I'm scared.
I think I'm going crazy."

"Just put yourself in my hands for one year," said the shrink.
"Come talk to me three times a week, and we should be able
to get rid of those fears."

"How much do you charge?"

"Eighty dollars per visit, replied the doctor."

"I'll sleep on it," said Bubba.

Six months later the doctor met Bubba on the street.

"Why didn't you ever come to see about those fears you
were having?" asked  the psychiatrist.

"Well, eighty bucks a visit three times a week for a year
is an awful lot of money!  A bartender cured me for $10.
I was so happy to have saved all that money I went and
bought me a new pickup!"

"Is that so!  And how, may I ask, did a bartender cure you?"

"He told me to cut the legs off the bed!  Ain't nobody under
there now!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   Comcast  for inappropriate censorship


If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Just before his scheduled operation, a man is wheeling himself frantically down the hall of the hospital in his wheelchair. A nurse stops him and asks, "What's the matter?" The man tells her, "I heard another nurse say, 'It's a very simple operation. Don't worry, I'm sure it will be all right.'" "She was just trying to comfort you. What's so frightening about that?" "She wasn't talking to me. She was talking to the doctor." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Vincent Balestrieri, 36, from Delray, Florida Dumb Shirker September 22, 2006 - West Palm Beach, Florida - AP A Delray Beach police officer surrendered to authorities on Thursday on charges he schemed the police department out of more than $8,000 by claiming he had been called to active duty in Iraq. Vincent Balestrieri, 36, allegedly faked U.S. Navy documents that said he had been called back to active duty in January, a month after buying a home near the Lockheed Martin Information Technology Center in Tampa, where he had been working since Jan. 3. He continued receiving pay from the police department to make up the difference between his salary and his income as a U.S. Navy reservist. Balestrieri was hired by the department in June 2005. The eight-month deception cost the city $8,769.87, authorities said. Lockheed Martin spokesman Joe Wagovich said Balestrieri was hired as a civilian contractor. He said the company was cooperating in the investigation. Balestrieri joined the Navy Reserve in 1998 and is an intelligence specialist attached to U.S. Central Command at MacDill Air Force Base in Tampa, Navy spokeswoman Diane Perry said. Perry said the Navy "will wait until the civilian process has taken its course" before taking any action against Balestrieri. Balestrieri was held Thursday in the Palm Beach County jail on charges of felony organized scheme to defraud and grand theft. His attorney, Stephen James Binhak, said his client will plead not guilty. "He looks forward to addressing this situation in court," Binhak said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== =========================================== "What's the difference between a nail, a screw and a bolt?" the woodwork teacher asked Betty-Sue during the first day of school. Betty-Sue pondered the question for a moment, then replied, "Well, I can't rightly say as I know, cause I ain't never been 'bolted'...." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Chris for this story: My son, Mitchell, a kindergartner, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: cat, dog, dad, and mom have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: "G"-"O"-"D." "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I praised him. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Catholic education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re:Spybot Advanced Mode Dear Webby; Thanks so much for the fun letter. I especailly liked the joke about loaning things to ohers. It reminded me of a time my husband asked our son if he had a certain type of tool. He was told there was one in the trunk of his (our son's) car. When my husband went to get the tool he realized it was his own tools & confronted our son about it, telling him he knew it was his tool as he had engraved his initials on it ( which he did to all his tools). Our son then said, "Dad, you loaned it to me but never came & got it back". Oh well, that's a kid for you. My qustion is in regard to the pc tip for Carol. I have Spybot but cannot figure out how to switch to "advanced". I clicked on help & went to tools but could not open it to the startup programs. Am I missing something? Again thanks so much. Sharon Dear Sharon In Spybot click on MODE, left top, just to the right of FILE and select ADVANCED. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== Thanks to Anna for this story: I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills . . Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks . . . BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . . BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . . Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . . BUT FIRST I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . . . And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . . I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious . . . I should get help . . . BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail. ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== As a Delta Air Lines jet was flying over Arizona on a clear day, the copilot was providing his passengers with a running commentary about landmarks over the PA system. "Coming up on the right, you can see the Meteor Crater, which is a major tourist attraction in northern Arizona. It was formed when a lump of nickel and iron, estimated to be 150 feet in diameter and weighing 300,000 tons, struck the earth at about 40,000 miles an hour a few Million years ago, scattering white-hot debris for miles in every direction. The hole measures nearly a mile across and is 570 feet deep." From the cabin, a passenger was heard to exclaim, "Wow! It just missed the highway!" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 20, 2006 - Orlando, Florida - MSNBC It was just a tiny misstep during a dance class routine. But it was enough to cause Nathalie Calderon’s right foot to spin backward 180 degrees. “My teacher nearly fainted,” said Nathalie. But the determined Central Florida girl just asked for a screwdriver — and with a few twists, her foot was again righted. Nathalie, who was born without the lower part of a tibia in her right leg, wears a prosthetic, something she hadn’t bothered to mention to her dance instructor. “It was so embarrassing,” she said, remembering that day several years ago. Now 15, Nathalie has moved on to another instructor, Georgio Fagan of Georgio’s American Dance Centre, where she’s part of the senior company. She’s won three scholarships this year for her dancing, has earned the respect of her peers and the adoration of audiences. The attention is for her dancing, not for her disability, Fagan wants to make clear. “She’s amazing when she performs. She totally draws you in,” he said. “(On stage) that soul of hers just blossoms. It’s almost like she was given a leg.” ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Create Your Ideal Budget Start by listing everything that you spend money on each month and how much you spend. Add up the list to get your current total budget. Once you have that information you can start creating your ideal budget. Look for ways that you can cut your spending in each category and then list the ideal amount next to current amount. At the end of the month, calculate your spending and see how close you came to meeting your ideal spending amounts. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A judge is at lunch one hot summer day and orders coffee with his meal. His companion says, "In this weather, you ought to order iced drinks, Judge -- sharp, iced drinks. Have you ever tried a gin and tonic?" "No," says the judge. "But I have tried many men who have." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Monday, Sept. 25 - at 12:15 p.m. Cleveland, Tennessee. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David T. Weir at Fike Funeral Home, 2415 N. Ocoee Street, Cleveland, Tennessee. Tues., Sept. 26 at 10:15 a.m. Topeka, KS Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Bernard L. Deghand at Sacred Heart Church, 312 NE Freeman Ave., Topeka, KS Wednesday, Sept. 27 at 9:15 a.m. St. Louis, Missouri. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Russell M. Makowski at Kutis Funeral Home, 5255 Lemay Ferry Rd., St. Louis, Missouri. Thursday, Sept. 28 at 9:15 a.m. Independence, MO Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. 1st Class Michael T. Fuga at St. Mary's Church, 600 N. Liberty, Independence, MO Saturday, Sept. 30 at 9:15 a.m. Abingdon, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Petty Officer 2nd Class David S. Roddy at St. Francis DeSails, 1450 Abingdon Rd., Abingdon, Maryland I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== President Calvin Coolidge was notorious for his reluctance to talk. One Sunday he went to church by himself, and when he returned to the White House, his wife asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yes," the President told her. "What was it about?" she asked. "Sin." "What did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Men In Coats http://www.nationx.dk/coats/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 23/06 


Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 23, 2006
======================================

Goals are not only absolutely necessary to motivate us.
They are essential to really keep us alive.
-- Robert H. Schuller

Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually
repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.
-- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was
speeding down Main Street.

"But officer," the man said, "I can explain."

"Just be quiet!!!" snapped the officer.  "... or I'm going
to let you cool off in jail until the chief gets back."

"But officer, I just wanted to say ..."

"And I said KEEP QUIET!  Now you're going to jail!"

A few hours later, the officer checked up on his prisoner
and said, "Lucky for you that the chief's at his daughter's
wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."

"Don't count on it," said the man in the cell.
"I'm the groom!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   Telus for inappropriate censorship
   Comcast  for inappropriate censorship

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An American journalist was stopped at a Russian Checkpoint in a suburb of Chechnya. The Russian soldier said, "Get out of the car and open the trunk!" The American replied, "I'm sorry, but the handbrake on the car is broken. I can't take my foot off the brake or it'll roll back down the hill." So the Russian says, "Do you take me for a FOOL?!" He pulls the American from the car, slides into the drivers seat, and stamping his big boot onto the brake pedal yells "Now, go and open the trunk!" So the journalist reluctantly complies with the soldiers request and goes and opens the trunk of the car. "Now", shouts the Russian from inside the car, "Is there any contraband in there?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Zhang Xinyan, 35 from Henan, China Bear Hug September 21, 2006 - Beijing, China - The Scotsman A drunken Chinese tourist bit a panda at Beijing Zoo after the animal attacked him when he jumped into the enclosure and tried to hug it. Zhang Xinyan had drunk four pitchers of beer before "stumbling to the zoo" and stopping off at the pen holding a sleeping six-year-old male panda, Gu Gu, on Tuesday. Startled, Gu Gu bit Zhang in the right leg, state media said. Zhang, a 35-year-old migrant labourer from central Henan province, got angry and kicked the panda, who then bit his other leg. Zhang then returned the compliment. "I bit the fellow in the back," he said. "Its skin was quite thick." Zhang had to be taken to hospital, the panda was unhurt. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Marsh Toad =========================================== The following ads actually appeared in newspapers ILLITERATE? Write today for free help. AUTO REPAIR SERVICE. Free pick up and delivery. Try us once, you will never go anywhere again. DOG FOR SALE: Eats anything and is fond of children. STOCK UP AND SAVE. Limit: one. SEMI ANNUAL AFTER XMAS SALE DINNER SPECIAL. Turkey $3.25; Chicken or Beef $2.25; Children $2.00 FOR SALE: Antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers. NOW IS YOUR CHANCE to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too. GREAT DAMES for sale. TIRED OF CLEANING YOURSELF? Let me do it. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== My next-door neighbor and I frequently borrow things from each other. Not long ago, when I requested his ladder, he told me he had lent it to his son. Recalling a saying my grandmother used to repeat, I recited, "You should never lend anything to your kids, because you will never get it back." With that, he responded, "Tell you the truth, it's not even my ladder. It's my dad's." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Slow Computer Hi Webby..... I enjoy reading your site, I learn a lot from you. A question: My computer has been running slower than usual; I have run a virus scan, ccleaner, and defraged. My hourglass seems to run all the time, meaning it flashes on and off very quickly. I don't know what else to do to clean up my computer so it can run better. Also, I checked my startup and I have no idea how all of the programs got in there! What do we need to have in startup? Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol The tools in Spybot-Search&Destroy let you weed out the start-ups. Switch Spybot to Advanced, and you'll see the tools. The second tool from the bottom is for controlling the start-up programs. Each program has a description and it won't let you kill those that you really need. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== Two old men were sitting on a park bench outside the local town hall where a flower show was in progress. One leaned over the other and said, "Cripes, life is boring! We never have any fun these days!" For a fiver, I'd take my clothes off and streak through the flower show!" "You're on!" said the other old boy, holding up a five pound note. As fast as he could, the first old man fumbled his way out of his clothes and, completely naked, streaked through the front door of the town hall. Waiting outside, his friend heard a huge commotion inside the hall, followed by loud applause. The naked old man burst out through the door surrounded by a cheering crowd. "How did it go?" asked his friend. "Great!" said the streaker, "I won first prize as a dried arrangement!!!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos Kudos to these fun loving pranksters ... Does anyone remember the 'Froggy Worldwide Travels' a couple of years ago ??? September 21, 2006 - Morgantown, West Virginia - AP Allen Snyder's garden gnome is apparently out of jail and traveling the country. The 14-inch tall red-and-white statue disappeared from Snyder's yard in the spring, and Snyder has since received three letters claiming to have been written by "Gnomey." The latest letter, which Snyder received this week, included photos of the gnome in the company of Steelers fans attending Pittsburgh's football home opener. "You never took me to any games," the note said. The letter ended: "Have to go now. Boarding a plane. Now, finally, broadening my travels." An earlier letter included a request for bail money and included what appeared to be booking photos of Gnomey and another of the gnome in the back seat of a police car. Snyder isn't sure who's pulling the prank but said his short list of suspects includes several gag-loving friends. The plight of his gnome has gotten a lot of attention. Snyder said people are always asking if he's heard from Gnomey. "I never thought it would go this far," he said. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refresh Your House Plants Thrifty Reusable Napkins Instead of paper towels, we use washcloths for napkins. The cheap ones work great, and you can wash and reuse them. By CB Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com With some looking around, you can often find sampler packs of micro-fiber cloths. My favorites are the 8" x 8" in assorted colors. As long as you don't put them into the dryer after washing, they beat cotton or linen napkins 10 to 1. Have FUN! DerWebby Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== In dire need of a beauty make-over, Nancy went to her salon with a fashion magazine photo of a gorgeous, young, lustrous haired model. She showed the stylist the trendy new cut she wanted and settled into the chair as he began humming a catchy tune and got to work on her thin, graying hair. Nancy was delighted by his cheerful attitude until she recognized the melody. It was the theme from "Mission Impossible." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Kingston, Oklahoma Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Clint E. Williams Saturday, at Kingston High School, 411 NE 3rd Street, Kingston, Oklahoma Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Pearland, Texas Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Lance Cpl. Ryan A. Miller at First Baptist Church, 3005 Pearland Pkwy., Pearland, Texas Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 10:15 a.m., Ft. Washington, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army 2nd Lt. Emily J.T. Perez at Ebenezer AME Church, 7707 Allentown Rd., Ft. Washington, Maryland Monday, Sept. 25 - at 12:15 p.m. Cleveland, Tennessee. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David T. Weir at Fike Funeral Home, 2415 N. Ocoee Street, Cleveland, Tennessee. Saturday, Sept. 30 at 9:15 a.m. Abingdon, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Petty Officer 2nd Class David S. Roddy at St. Francis DeSails, 1450 Abingdon Rd., Abingdon, Maryland I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A married college student, noticeably pregnant, keeps rubbing her side during a final exam. Before she leaves, the professor asks if she is OK. "I noticed you were holding onto your side," he says. "Oh, I'm fine," she answers. "It's just that my baby was pushing his foot up and down my ribs, and it hurt a little." "Well, that's good," the professor says, feeling genuinely relieved. "Yes," she continues. "It's strange. He normally sleeps during your class." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Fractals http://sharkrey.deviantart.com/gallery/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 22/06 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  September 22, 2006
======================================

Wisdom is knowing when to speak your mind and
when to mind your speech.
-- Socratex

The right to be heard does not automatically include the
right to be taken seriously.
-- Hubert H. Humphrey

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

An Engineering Student, a Physics Student, and a
 Mathematics student were each given $150 dollars
 and were told to use that money to find out exactly
 how tall a particular hotel was.

 All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this.
 The physics student went out, purchased some
 stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, a calculator,
 and some friends.  He had them all time the drop of
 ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out
 the height from the time it took for the bearings to
 accelerate from rest until they impacted with the
 sidewalk.

 The math student waited until the sun was going
 down, then she took out her protractor, plumb line,
 measuring tape, and scratch pad, measured the
 length of the shadow, found the angle the buildings
 roof made from the ground, and used trigonometry
 to figure out the height of the building.

 Of course, with all that was involved in getting this
 experiment done, they were up plenty late studying
 for other courses' exams.  These two students
 bumped into the engineering student the next day,
 who looked quite refreshed.  When asked what he
 did to find the height of the building he replied:  "Well,
 I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked
 him how tall the hotel was, and went inside for happy
 hour!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Comcast.com for gross incompetence

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== He was so in love with her that he offered her anything that she may desire. "All I want," she cooed, "is a solid gold Boy Scout knife." "But you can have anything in the world!", exclaimed the stunned suitor. "That's all I want." cooed the doll. When he brought her the solid gold Boy Scout knife, she beamed happily. "Are you sure that this is all that you want to make you happy?" inquired the still mystified suitor. "What are you going to do with it?" She opened a hope chest to put the knife inside, thereby revealing hundreds of similar gold Boy Scout knives. "But....but...WHY?" stammered the confused man. "Well," she explained, "right now I'm very young and beautiful and everybody wants me. But when I grow old, and not so attractive and desireable...can you imagine what a Boy Scout will do for one of these knives?" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Giorgio, 47, from Palmetto, Florida Thrifty Diver September 20, 2006 - Palmetto, Florida - AP Mark Giorgio figured a 50-foot fall was worth $20. Giorgio, 47, was counting his money Monday while walking across the U.S. 41 bridge over the Manatee River when a $20 bill blew out of his hand and flew over the rail. He followed. And plummeted 50 feet into the river. Then he swam about 100 yards to fish the bill from the water. "I got my money back, hell yeah," Giorgio told the Sarasota Herald-Tribune. "Twenty bucks is a lot of money when you're broke." He was fished from the water by a passing Florida Fish and Wildlife Conservation Commission officer. Giorgio, who said he was already suffering from a broken collarbone, refused treatment for cuts and scrapes he suffered in the fall. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for sending this picture: Serb moving van =========================================== Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring. "There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs. Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach." "That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared Mrs. Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in Miami, and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private guest house." Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile. "Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody." "So what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her. "Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just to talk about me!" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Thanks to Bill for this story: Ann noticed me standing on the bathroom scale, pulling in my rather ample tummy. Smartass that she is, she said, "I don't think that's going to help much, hon." I said, "Sure it does. How else can I see the numbers on the scale?" ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kay Re: Yahoo mail problems Dear Webby Well I happen to be one of the unlucky ones that Yahoo chooses not to deliver your daily newsletter to. but I have you in my favorites. Unlucky ? What you are saying is: "Every time I hit myself on the head with a shovel, it messes up my hair. I must be suffereing from bad luck." No luck involved in that, but a wacky urge to punish YOURSELF for MY sins of my wild youth. What'cha smoking there, Kay ? I have been hearing personally of people being locked out of their yahoo email. Yes, they seem to be doing that more and more. I'm concerned about this because I have lots of things saved in my email folders (pictures and documents etc.) that I would hate to loose. I do this so I can access them from any computer. That's no excuse for being a silly yahoo. There are a lot of free alternatives that are more reliable. I'm a novice at the computer so in plain easy to understand instructions, is there a way to copy these files to a CD ???? Yes, sure. Just save them to your computer, then weed them out and sort them into a bunch of sort folders, and from there drag them to the CD. But first, get yourself a decent address! Amongst the free ones, Google's gmail is currently the most reliable one. They may think you are a silly yahoo and require that you have a referral. If you want one, I'll gladly generate one for you. Thank you for your helpful tech support section, it sure has helped me a lot in the past. You are most welcome, Kay! Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== A small company that had frequent break-ins installed a new security system with alarms, codes and key pads. Late one night the alarm went off and the police raced to the scene. Outside the building, wandering around the grounds, they spotted and apprehended a suspect. The police called the Security Director for the company and said, "We caught the culprit, an old guy. He tried to pass as an employee, but he knows nothing about your business." The Security Director said, "Oh, that's probably the president of the company. You better let him go." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A man walked into his friend's office and found him sitting at his desk, looking very depressed, so he asked him what was wrong. His friend said sadly, "Oh, it's my wife. She hired a new secretary for me." The man said, "Well, there is nothing wrong in that. Is she blonde or brunette or a redhead?" "Neither. Her father is bald." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 19, 2006 - Jerusalem - IBS For six decades, Hilda Shlick thought her brother Simon perished in the Holocaust with several other relatives. But thanks to some online investigating by her grandkids, Shlick has been reunited with the brother she last saw in 1941. The family was living in Romania back then, and they were separated when the Nazis invaded. Shlick, 10 years old at the time, and a sister managed to escape, while the others stayed behind. The rest of the family -- parents Henia and Benzion, and brothers Simon, Mark, Karol and Eddie -- stayed in Romania, finding refuge in a basement. Shlick now lives in Israel, and during a chat this summer, her grandsons learned enough to hit the Internet and start their search. They started a search using the database of Holocaust victims at Yad Vashem, Israel's Holocaust memorial. That search ended with the discovery of brother Simon Glasberg living in Canada. He flew to Israel where, despite the 65 years of separation, he recognized his sister immediately. It turns out that another brother also lives in Canada. He's too ill to go to Israel, but has a son who lives there -- a half hour away from his long lost aunt. The fate of one sister, Pepi, remains unknown. She disappeared and is presumed to have been killed by the Nazis. Simon Glasberg, his brothers and parents emigrated to Canada after the war ended. Shlick and her sister moved to Estonia, where Bertha died in 1970. Hilda Glasberg (now Hilda Schlick) was born in 1931 in Chernowitz, Romania. Yad Vashem spokeswoman Estee Yaari said this was only the second known case of living siblings discovering each other through the database. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refresh Your House Plants Take advantage of a light rain and set your houseplants outside. Just like giving them plant food and you don't have to pay for it. Helps keep the plants clean, too! By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A little boy was digging for fishing bait in the garden with his father. He uncovered a creature with many legs and proudly held it up for his father to see. "No, son, he won't work for bait," his father said. "He's not an earthworm." "He's not?" the little boy said, his eyes wide. "What planet is he from?" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. McMillan, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey at Northstar Baptist Church, 7254 County Road 415, McMillan, Michigan Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Columbus, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Capt. Matthew C. Mattingly at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, 4383 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Titusville, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David W. Gordon at Titusville First Presbyterian Church, 216 N. Franklin St., Titusville, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 9:15 a.m. Auburn, California Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Harley D. Andrews, at Parkside Church of the Nazarene, 3885 Richardson Dr., Auburn, California Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Kingston, Oklahoma Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Clint E. Williams Saturday, at Kingston High School, 411 NE 3rd Street, Kingston, Oklahoma Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Pearland, Texas Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Lance Cpl. Ryan A. Miller at First Baptist Church, 3005 Pearland Pkwy., Pearland, Texas Saturday, Sept. 23 - at 10:15 a.m., Ft. Washington, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army 2nd Lt. Emily J.T. Perez at Ebenezer AME Church, 7707 Allentown Rd., Ft. Washington, Maryland Monday, Sept. 25 - at 12:15 p.m. Cleveland, Tennessee. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David T. Weir at Fike Funeral Home, 2415 N. Ocoee Street, Cleveland, Tennessee. Saturday, Sept. 30 at 9:15 a.m. Abingdon, Maryland Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Petty Officer 2nd Class David S. Roddy at St. Francis DeSails, 1450 Abingdon Rd., Abingdon, Maryland I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Raptors http://www.hawkwatch.org/keysmigration/index.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby Humor Letter Sept 21/06 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  September 21, 2006
======================================

It is the mark of an educated mind to be able to
entertain a thought without accepting it.
-- Aristotle

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

For our 20th anniversary my husband and I vacationed in Hawaii,
where we went snorkeling.  After an hour in the water, everyone
got back on the boat, except for me and one handsome young man.
As I continued my underwater exploring, I noticed that
everywhere I swam, he swam.  I snorkeled for another 40 minutes.
So did he.

I felt very flattered and, as I took off my fins, I asked
him coyly why he had stayed in the water for so long.

"I'm the lifeguard," he replied matter-of-factly.
"I couldn't get out until you did."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Telus  for inappropriate censoring

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest, "but they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors." ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a robber in Milan, italy Short parole September 19, 2006 - Milan, Italy - Reuters An Italian thief accidentally turned himself in after losing his cellular phone while robbing an elderly lady, calling his own number to meet the finder – and unwittingly arranging a date with police. The 77-year-old victim handed over the phone that the bag snatcher had dropped to police, who lured the thief to a meeting where he was arrested, news agency Agi reported. Agi said the man had been freed from prison recently under an Italian mass pardon meant to ease congestion in jails. By the time police were waiting for him at the meeting point, the 35-year-old had already robbed another old lady and was riding a stolen scooter, Agi said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Young hawk =========================================== World War III. The US has succeeded in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. Military leaders are assembled in front of the new machine and instructed to feed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: ATTACK OR RETREAT? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR! ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Because of an ear infection, Little Johnny, had to go to the pediatrician. The doctor directed his comments and questions to Little Johnny in a professional manner. When he asked Little Johnny, "Is there anything you are allergic to?" Little Johnny nodded and whispered in his ear. Smiling, the pediatrician wrote out a prescription and handed it to Little Johnny's mother. She tucked it into her purse without looking at it. As the pharmacist filled the order, he remarked on the unusual food-drug interaction Little Johnny must have. Little Johnny's mother looked puzzled until he showed her the label on the bottle. As per the doctor's instructions, it read, "Do not take with broccoli." ===================================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Multiple file explorer panes Dear Webby You explained once how to trick Windows into showing more than one pane in the file explorer. I know, I can have more than one file explorer open, but your system, which I had on my last computer, is a lot easier and takes less screen space. Unfortunately I forgot how to set that up, but I desperately need it now for a major sorting job. Eileen Dear Eileen Here is the way I set it up: Open a file explorer and browse to the root of C:\ Drag the little icon from the left of the address bar to the left bottom of the desktop. That's your masterkey for all file managing. In the file explorer, click on TOOLS, FOLDER OPTIONS Select Classic Folders and Open each folder in the same window. Hit Apply and then OK. Now you have a little icon on the top for Folders Click that and the explorer will split, showing the folders in the left pane, and the files of the highlighted folder in the right pane. Once you have highlighted a folder on the left, you can slide it out of sight and even line up totally different drives. Don't click folders or drives on the left, just the plus signs in front of them, if you want them to expand. Once you have the destination folders in view on the left, for example PIX, MUSIC, MOVIES, PPS on your external back-up drive, you can drag files or groups of files from the right side to their destination on the left. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== For the first time in many years, an old man travels from his rural town to the city to attend a movie. After buying his ticket, he stops at the concession stand to purchase some popcorn. He hands the attendant $1.50 and comments, "The last time I came to the movies, popcorn was only 15 cents." "Well, sir," the attendant replies, "you're really going to enjoy yourself. We have sound now!" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2006 - California - AP Drivers in California will need an ear piece or speaker to use their mobile phones while on the road under a bill signed Friday by Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Motorists could face fines of up to $50 if they violate the law, which makes it an infraction to hold a cell phone while driving. It takes effect July 1, 2008, and is similar to laws in New York, New Jersey, Connecticut and Washington, D.C. Cell phone use is the top cause of accidents triggered by distracted drivers, according to California Highway Patrol statistics dating to 2001. "The simple fact is, it's dangerous to talk on your cell phone while driving," Schwarzenegger said. "So getting people's hands off their phones and onto their steering wheels is going to make a big difference in road safety." ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Faux" Hamburger Reducing Weight of Large Pots When filling huge flowerpots, reduce the weight and the amount of soil you need by filling the bottom with recycled styrofoam peanuts or even chunks of styrofoam. I get pieces when I need them from the dumpster behind a furniture and accessories store. By Linda Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== As a Dominican sister, I lived in a convent named for a de- ceased pope. One day while I was wearing contemporary clothes instead of my habit, I drove into a gas station to get the communal car filled up. After the young attendant topped off the tank, he walked toward my car window to return my credit card. It was clear from his furrowed brow that he had something on his mind. The young man looked at me shyly and pointed to the convent's name, John XXIII Hall, imprinted on the card. "Pardon me," he asked hesitantly, "but how do you pronounce your husband's middle name?" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. McMillan, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey at Northstar Baptist Church, 7254 County Road 415, McMillan, Michigan Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Columbus, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Capt. Matthew C. Mattingly at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, 4383 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Titusville, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David W. Gordon at Titusville First Presbyterian Church, 216 N. Franklin St., Titusville, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 9:15 a.m. Auburn, California Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Harley D. Andrews, at Parkside Church of the Nazarene, 3885 Richardson Dr., Auburn, California Sept. 23 - at 9:15 a.m. Kingston, Oklahoma Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Clint E. Williams Saturday, at Kingston High School, 411 NE 3rd Street, Kingston, Oklahoma I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== A woman told a marriage counselor that her husband's complaint that he leads a dog's life is probably well founded. "He comes in the house with muddy feet," she said, "tracks across my clean floors, barks at nothing, growls at his food and makes himself comfortable on my best furniture." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Scrap Booking Ideas http://tinyurl.com/hye2k ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 20/06 


Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  September 20, 2006
======================================

Don't worry that children never listen to you;
worry that they are always watching you.
-- Robert Fulghum

We rarely think people have good sense
unless they agree with us.
-- Francois de La Rochefoucauld

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Sherlock Holmes was sent to heaven to find Adam and Eve.
He came back within a day and said he had found them.

Dr. Watson questioned, "How did you find them so quickly?"

Sherlock Holmes said, "Elementary, my dear Watson.
They were the only ones that didn't have belly buttons."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Telus  for inappropriate censoring

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A man goes into a drug store and asks the pharmacist if he can give him something for the hiccups. The pharmacist promptly reaches out and slaps the man's face. (Whack) "What did you do that for?" the man asks. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" The man says, "No, but my wife out on the sidewalk still does. Watch out, though, she is a wrestling coach!" =========================================== Very interesting FREE report. There is no catch or obligation. If you are at all interested in marketing, you need to know. about the changes at Google. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Double Bonehead: mom and the repo person September 18, 2006 - Wilmington, Delaware- AP A 5-year-old boy took an unexpected ride when the car he was in was repossessed and driven to a car dealership, authorities said. A 27-year old woman called police Friday morning to report that her car had been stolen from in front of her home, and that her son was inside the vehicle, said county police spokesman Cpl. Trinidad Navarro. Navarro said the woman had strapped the child into his booster seat, then went back inside her home to make a phone call. Believing that the 1997 Saturn most likely been repossessed, officers called the dealership, where an employee confirmed the repossession but did not know anything about the missing child. The employee then walked outside and found the child crying in the back seat of the vehicle, Navarro said. The 56-year old repo man was taken into custody but later transported to Christiana Hospital after complaining of chest pains. The man, whose name was not released, will not face charges, Navarro said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Jim for sending this picture: =========================================== This door-to-door entrepreneur became rather bored with his job of selling Bibles, so he decided to become a boss, hiring three people to sell Bibles for him. He interviewed three people. The first came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired. Here's your kit, go sell!" The second came in and said, "I want to sell Bibles for you." "OK, you're hired! Here's your kit; go sell!" The third came in and said, "I- i - I wa - wa- wa-want t-t-t-t-to s-s-s-s-ell to sell, to sell, to sell, Bi - bi - bi - Bibles, sell Bi -Bibles f-f-f-fo-for y-y-y-y you Bibles for you!" "No," shouted the man, "this will never work! You can't sell Bibles for me!" The applicant replied, "B-b-b-b-but I r-r-r-eall, but I really, really, n-n-n-n-need th-th-th-this, really need tthis job!" As there were no other applicants, he man said, "OK, I'll give you one shot at this, but I expect you to PRODUCE!" At the end of the can, the first applicant comes back and reports, "I sold 8 Bibles today." The second reports, "I sold 11 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to-to t-t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I so-, I so- I sold 28 Bi- bi- b- bibles!" "Great," says the man. "However, I want you to sell a lot more Bibles than that, so get out there tomorrow and MAKE ME SOME MONEY!" At the end of the first day, the first worker comes in and reports, "Today, I sold 32 Bibles." The second worker reports, "I sold 44 Bibles today." The third worker reports, "To-to-to t-today, I-i-I so- so, I so-, I sold 79 Bi-bi-bi- sold 79, sold 79 Bibles." "Fantastic," said the man, "since you're doing so well, so much better than these other two bums, why don't you tell them what your sales technique is." Replied the worker, "I-i-I j-j-j-j-ju-ju-ju-just wa, wa, wa, just wal- wa- wa- walk, just walk up to up to up to just walk up to them and and ask, them and ask, them and ask if th-th-th-th ask if they w-w-w-w-w- wa- ask if they want t-t-t-t-o-o- if they want to b--b-b-b-b if they want to buy a Bi-bi - want to buy a Bi--b--a - a- abi - buy a to buy a Bi-bi-bible, or d-d-d-d-d do th-th-they do they w-w-w-ant me to READ it to 'em?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Garret Re: Learning Internet Business Dear Webby I read so much about people making big money on the net. How does one sort the wheat from the chaff and select the best courses? Some of them are rather pricey, but from what I hear, the $10,000 courses are not really any better than some low cost insider deals. How does one get into those? Garret Dear Garret It's a matter of being in the right place a t the right time, and making a fast executive decision. Right now, Joel Christopher, one of the top Internet earners, is celebrating his 18th anniversary of becoming an American by giving away a few thousand dollars worth of books and audio recordings for under $10 for the whole package. You probably learn more USEFUL stuff in that package than in a few years at University. You can sneak that package at http://webby.com/bd You probably won't, but if you think you may need more than that, he also has a $97 elite course that you can take later. The trick, though, is to get your foot in the door and get on the inside with the time limited $9.97 deal, and learn the basics first. Naturally, to weed out the procrastinators, that $9.97 deal is only good for a day or two. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== In a physics lab, which involved light, electricity and magnetism, one requirement of the course was to read the week's experiment before coming to class. At one lab session the instructor wanted to see how many people had actually done so. "What are the two types of light?" he asked. The lab fell quiet until one wise guy raised his hand and said, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?" ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, the father replies, "Oh, about half of them." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 16, 2006 - Tampa, Fla. - AP A Tampa woman being attacked by a Rottweiler decided to bite back. Danielle Nelson was attacked by the 115-pound dog Friday. She broke free at one point, but he attacked again and would not loosen his jaw. So, 20-year-old Nelson bit the dog back. The Rottweiler finally released his grip and a bloodied Nelson went inside the house. Nelson's injuries weren't considered life-threatening but did require surgery. The dog was taken into custody. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com "Faux" Hamburger Fool your finicky eaters with low-fat ground turkey. The trick, add some browning sauce to mixture as you are frying it. It turns the turkey browner, more like hamburger (and doesn't change the clean taste much at all!). By Barb Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== On a warm spring day, Little Johnny was laying on a hill in the middle of a meadow. Puffy white clouds rolled by and he pondered their shape. Soon, he began to think about God. Then he said out loud, "God? Are you really there?" To his astonishment a voice came from the clouds. "Yes, Johnny? What can I do for you?" Seizing the opportunity, Johnny asked, "God? What is a million years like to you?" Knowing that Johnny could not understand the concept of infinity, God responded in a manner to which Johnny could relate. He said, "A million years to me, Johnny, is like a minute." Johnny said, "Well, then, what's a million dollars like to you?" "A million dollars to me, Johnny, is like a penny," God said. Johnny said, "Wow!" then he got an idea. He said, "You are so generous, God. Can I have just one of your pennies?" God replied, "Sure thing, Johnny! Just a minute." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Thursday, Sept. 21 at 9:15 a.m. Rio Rancho, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Alexander Jordan at Vista Verde Cemetery, 4301 Sara Road SE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. McMillan, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey at Northstar Baptist Church, 7254 County Road 415, McMillan, Michigan Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Columbus, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Capt. Matthew C. Mattingly at Holy Spirit Catholic Church, 4383 E. Broad St., Columbus, Ohio Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. Titusville, Ohio Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. David W. Gordon at Titusville First Presbyterian Church, 216 N. Franklin St., Titusville, Ohio I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Thanks to Martin for this story: You gotta love this old guy! I was at the mall the other day eating at the food court. I noticed an old man watching a teenager sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors, green, red, orange, and blue. The old man kept staring at him. The teenager would look and find the old man staring every time. When the teenager had enough, he sarcastically asked, "What's the matter, old man, never done anything wild in your life?" The old man did not bat an eye in his response, "Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Spy Museum http://www.spymuseum.org/index.asp ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 19/06 


Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  September 19, 2006
======================================

You've achieved success in your field when you don't know
whether what you're doing is work or play.
-- Warren Beatty

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

Delighted by the gift she had received, the lady spoke warmly
to the boy, "At church tomorrow, I'll thank your mother for
this lovely pie."

"If you don't mind, Ma'am," the boy suggested nervously,
"would you thank her for two pies?"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Telus  for inappropriate censoring

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== "Each evening birdlover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation." Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband." Then it dawned on them. =========================================== Very interesting FREE report. There is no catch or obligation. If you are at all interested in marketing, you need to know. about the changes at Google. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mayor Don Wright of Gallatin, Tennessee Should have asked to review the script September 17, 2006 - Nashville, Tennessee - Reuters When moviemakers told Gallatin, Tennessee, Mayor Don Wright they wanted to use his office to film a scene with a superheroine, he kindly obliged. But Wright was startled when the movie's title, "Thong Girl 3," and his role in its making was splashed across the front page of Friday's editions of the Nashville Tennessean newspaper. "I had no idea what the movie was about," Wright said on Friday. "They told me it was about a superhero woman and there was no nudity or offensive stuff in it. Other than that, I really didn't have a clue." According to the Thong Girl Web site, heroine Lana Layonme wears a red thong under a cape as she flies over Nashville repelling a villain who is trying to turn country music performers into rappers. The movie is the third in a series released only on DVD. "They said it was family friendly," said Wright who let the locally-based crew use his office for two hours. "We've had a lot of movies filmed in this area during the past few years. In fact, I think Sally Field was in one of them. Anyhow, I thought it was good for business." Residents have not been unkind, Wright said. "Well, it's sure true that no good deed goes unpunished but most of my e-mails about this haven't been bad." ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to my dad for sending this picture: This one bloomed last night =========================================== A golfer's drive lands on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decides to hit it where it lies. He gives a mighty swing. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants explodes from the end of his club, but the golf ball remains in the same spot. So he lines up and tries another shot. A cloud of dirt and sand and ants goes flying again. The golf ball doesn't even wiggle. Two ants survive. One dazed ant says to the other, "Whoa. What are we going to do?" Says the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get on the ball." ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ilah Re: Picture compression Dear Webby: This question has been addressed before but I did not have the brains to print your response and put it on file. IT will be filed this time. How do you compress pictures? We have a large number of snaps of what has to be the world's most beautiful, intelligent and entertaining kitty and we want to send copies to friends and family. I do not know what we would do without your Humor Letter. It gets the day off to a great start. Ilah J. Monts Dear Ilah When you open a picture with a graphics program, like for example Paint Shop Pro, you can re-size it. For example, straight out of the camera it is 2400x1800, for email it should be 640 x 480. So, first you change the physical size and save kitty27.jpg as kitty27-640.jpg. That preserves the original for your archive. Now, when you save kitty27-640.jpg, you can click on the options and select the compression ratio. Compression does not change the physical size, it just changes the color depth, and the file size. Usually a compression of 10 - 15% is quite OK, but over 20% pictures tend to look a bit washed out. Keep in mind that compression is a one way street. Once pixels have been washed out, you can not get them back from Santa Claus and put them back in there. That is why you keep a pure archive copy. If you got too carried away with the compression, you can always start again from the big original. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== The passenger tapped the cab driver on the shoulder to ask him something. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the sidewalk, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mister, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said he didn't realize that a little tap could scare him so much. The driver replied, "You're right. I'm sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a hearse for the last 25 years". ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A worried Mrs. Melchnik sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband! ....Is this 555-1374? "No, this is 555-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?" =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2006 - Hanover Township, Pennsylvania - IBS As a deputy police chief, James Cavallo Sr. is used to busting the bad guys, but never once did he think he'd have to help bust his own son. "I told my kids when I started this job years and years ago that ‘If you got into trouble, you would face the music. I won't get you out of it. I can't,'"Cavallo said. James Cavallo Jr., 28, was sent Thursday to Northampton County prison after his arrest on suspicion of robbing Susquehanna Bank in Hanover Township, Pa., on Tuesday. "As soon as I saw the picture, my heart sunk," said the father, the acting police chief of Moore Township, Pa. Police said Cavallo Jr. walked in and the handed teller a note indicating he was armed but showed no gun. The teller handed him the money, and he walked out without incident, getting away with about $6,000. Soon after, police investigators sent out a surveillance photo to other police departments. Cavallo Sr. said the man in the photo was unmistakable. "Immediately it was clear. I knew what I had to do," he said. After calling investigators, the chief then came with them to his son's home and showed him the surveillance photo from the bank. That's when police said the son confessed. "He confided that he had a problem with cocaine, and that's why he did it," Cavallo Sr. said Thursday. After the robbery, his son -- who is married with five kids -- drove to Atlantic City, N.J., to buy drugs, then gambled some of the money away, police said. Police said they confiscated about $3,800 of the stolen cash from inside his home. "I hate it, hate drugs and what it does to people," Cavallo Sr. said. The chief said his son has been battling a cocaine addiction over the last four years. He said he hopes by turning him in, he'll finally get the help he needs. "Sometimes, it's not an easy step -- staying in jail, being away from your family -- but it's a necessary step," Cavallo Sr. said ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Old Magazines Give your old magazines to hospitals, nursing homes, senior centers, schools or clinics. Schools need magazines for research and for children to cut pictures out of. Any where there is a waiting room there are people hoping for something to read. By Marianne Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== As the crowded elevator descended, Mrs. Wilson became increasingly furious with her husband, who was delighted to be pressed against a gorgeous blonde. As the elevator stopped at the main floor, the blonde suddenly whirled around, slapped Mr. Wilson, and said, "That will teach you to pinch!" Bewildered, Mr. Wilson was halfway to the parking lot with his wife when he choked, "I . . . I . . . didn't pinch that girl." "Of course you didn't," said his wife, consolingly. "I did." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Thursday, Sept. 21 at 9:15 a.m. Rio Rancho, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Alexander Jordan at Vista Verde Cemetery, 4301 Sara Road SE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico Friday, Sept. 22 at 10:15 a.m. McMillan, Michigan Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. Jeremy E. DePottey at Northstar Baptist Church, 7254 County Road 415, McMillan, Michigan I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== From Dave C in TO Der Webby, Thank you for providing such pleasure and assistance. I use Spybot regularly. Recently, I have been getting a warning window when I attempt to start the Program. It reads: SPYBOTSD.EXE UNABLE TO LOCATE COMPONENT This application has failed to start because framedyn.dll was not found When you press "OK" the ap starts and runs normally. I went to help and it suggests downloading Spybot again. This did not remedy the situation. What am I doing wrong? The second question regards an external hard drive back-up of the C: drive. Should I back-up the entire C: drive including Windows XP and other aps? Thanks again Dave Dear Dave framdyn.dll is a Windows component, not a Spybot component. You can download it from Microsoft: http://support.microsoft.com/default.as ... -us;319114 Re back-Up: If you use "Ghost" or a similar program, which writes an image of the C:\ drive, then you CAN back up Windows and applications. Then you can just pop the external drive into the machine and continue working, if the C:\ drive fails. However, you are also copying any problems that may be on the C:\ drive, and if the failure was caused by configs or bad files, you copy that too. Normally you do that just with industrially clean drives that have absolutely no utilities, games or fun stuff, or before you put any of that onto the machine. Most people just back up the data. If the C:\ drive fails, you get a chance for a fresh, clean, fast running installation, and then just restore the data files. Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Lava Lake http://www.swisseduc.ch/stromboli/perm/ ... ke-en.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby


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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 18/06 


Good Morning,   !
Monday,  September 18, 2006
======================================

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
-- Woody Allen

A stitch in time would have confused Einstein.
-- Socratex

Hollywood is a place where they place you under contract
instead of under observation.
-- Walter Winchell

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

From Myrna
Dear Webby,
a few years ago you had that classic bricklayer's
compensation board letter. Do you still have it?
Can you print it again, please?
Thanks
Myrna

Sure, Myrna, here it is. It must be an all time favorite,
because I remember requests for it, when the Humor
Letter was still in fax format, before the Internet.

Dear Sir:

"I am writing in response to your request for
additional information in Block 3 of the accident
report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of  my
accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I
trust the following  details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident,
I was working alone on the roof of a new six story
building. When I completed my work,  found that I had
some bricks left over which, when weighed later were
found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than
carry the  bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them
in a barrel by using a  pulley,which was attached to
the side of the building on the sixth  floor. Securing
the rope at ground level, I went up to the  roof, swung
the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it. Then I
went  down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to
ensure a slow  descent of the bricks.

You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form
that I weigh 135 lbs. Due to my surprise at being
jerked off the ground  so suddenly, I lost my presence
of mind and forgot to let go of the rope.  Needless to
say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the
building.  In the vicinity of the third floor, I met
the barrel which was now  proceeding downward at an
equal, impressive speed. This explained the fractured
skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as
listed in  section 3 of the accident report form.
Slowed only slightly, I  continued my rapid ascent, not
stopping until the fingers of my  right hand were two
knuckles deep into the pulley.  Fortunately by this
time I had regained my  presence of mind and was able
to hold tightly to the  rope, in spite of beginning to
experience a great deal of pain.

At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of
bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the
barrel. Now  devoid of the weight of the bricks, that
barrel weighed approximately 50  lbs. I refer you again
to my weight. As you can imagine, I began a  rapid
descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity
of the third  floor, I met the barrel coming up. This
accounts for the two fractured  ankles, broken tooth
and several lacerations of my legs and lower body.

Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter
with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my
injuries when I fell  into the pile of bricks and
fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I  am
sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of
bricks, in  pain, unable to move, I again lost my
composure and presence of mind and let  go of the rope
and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its
journey  back down onto me. This explains the two
broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Telus  for inappropriate censoring

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Redhead Denise, after living in sin for too long wants to get married, but she is only willing to marry a man if he has never been with a woman. After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived most of his life in the Australian outback. George and Denise end up getting married. On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom to prepare for the festivities. When she returns to the bedroom, she finds George, her new husband, standing in the middle of the room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner. "What happened?" she asks. "I've never been with a readhead," he says, "but if it's anything like a kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get." =========================================== Very interesting FREE report. There is no catch or obligation. If you are at all interested in marketing, you need to know. about the changes at Google. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 19 year old illegal immigrant in Waukesha, Wisconsin Dumb Arsonist September 15, 2006 - Waukesha, Wisconsin - AP Police said a suspected arsonist was arrested after they found his birth certificate at the scene of a fire this week. The 19-year-old man from Waukesha was arrested Wednesday after officials found his birth certificate at the scene of Sunday's fire, Waukesha Fire Marshal Brian Charlesworth said. "You would think somebody wouldn't do that," Charlesworth said. "But, fortunately for us, they did." The man was also being held in connection with a fire on May 29 that damaged a historic home in town. Police and firefighters noted similar characteristics between the two fires. The most recent fire was a series of small ones at a telecommunications business, said Lt. William Graham. The man's birth certificate was found at the back of the building, he said. Immigration officials have been contacted because the man told police he was in the country illegally, he said. Charges could come as soon as Friday, he said. The nearly 100-year-old Nelson House home sustained moderate damage in the blaze and was not destroyed. The home was built in 1910 and is listed on the National Register of Historic Places. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Trevor for this picture: Hot-tub race =========================================== Thansk to Sandie for this story: Two hillbillies were sitting around talking one afternoon. After a while the first fellow says to the second, "If I was to sneak over to your place Saturday and make love to your wife while you was off huntin', and she got pregnant and had a baby, would that make us kin?" The second fellow crooked his head sideways for a minute, scratched his head, and squinted his eyes like he was thinking real hard about the question. Finally, he said, "Well, I don't know about kin, but it would make us even. ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: CC and Diskeeper Dear Webby, Thanks so much for the fun, pic & tips. I saw the letter w/ the sunset pic from your office. My what a nice setting. I downloaded crap Cleaner today & did an initial cleaning. After that when I went to my msn page to get to mail I had to sign in aain. If I do a daily cleaning will I had to do this every time? I saw a box that said I could run CC at startup. Is this advisable? I looked at the options tab & saw that I could opt to keep some "cookies". Will this make it so I do not have to resign in each time after running CC? Also I am wondering about downloading the new Diskeeper & "set it & forget". can I run both Disk & CC? Thanks so much for your help. I do appreciate your time. Sharon Dear Sharon There is no need to clean the cookies out every day, and no need to clean ALL cookies. You can customize Crap Cleaner to do exactly what you want it to do. I just clean the some of the cookies about once a month. The rest of the time I just let it clean the other stuff. DisKeeper is not related to CrapCleaner. Crap Cleaner gets rid of useless crap. DisKeeper defragments the stuff that you keep, and moves important stuff away from areas, that are getting flakey, and marks potholes as places to avoid when Windows writes files to the drive. Diskeeper can be set to run whenever the screen saver comes on. CrapCleaner CAN be run at start-up, but that's not a good idea for people who are impatient to get started ;-) Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS! Just wait until the autopsy, then they'll see that I was right." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== The 6th grade science teacher, Mrs. Parks, asked her class, Which human body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" No one answered until little Mary stood up, angry, and said, "You should not be asking 6th graders a question like that! I'm going to tell my parents, and they will go and tell the principal, who will then fire you!" With a sneer on her face, she then sat back down. Mrs. Parks ignored her and asked the question again, "Which body part increases to 10 times its size when stimulated?" Little Mary's mouth fell open; then she said to those around her, Boy, is she gonna get in big trouble!" The teacher continued to ignore her and said to the class, "Anybody?" Finally, Billy stood up, looked around nervously, and said, "The body part that increases 10 times its size when stimulated is the pupil of the eye." Mrs. Parks said, "Very good, Billy," then turned to Mary and continued, "As for you, young lady, I have three things to say: (1) you have a dirty mind, (2) you didn't read your homework, and (3) one day you are going to be very, very disappointed." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 14, 2006 - Kenya - AP The Kenya Wildlife Service has begun moving 150 elephants from a small reserve to its largest national park because of overcrowding with rhinos, a spokesman said Wednesday. The first 40 elephants were tranquilized and moved by truck earlier this week from the Ngulia Rhino Sanctuary, about 185 miles east of Nairobi, under the program. The remainder were to be moved by Friday. ''We need to protect the rhinos and allow them space so that their numbers can grow,'' said Patrick Omondi, head of the wildlife service's elephant program. The wildlife service on Sept. 25 also will begin relocating another 250 elephants to Tsavo National Park from the overcrowded Shimba Hills National Reserve, about 218 miles away, under a separate program. Kenya has only 539 rhinos countrywide, about 70 in the Ngulia sanctuary. The country's elephant population is estimated at 35,000, down from a peak of 167,000 in the 1970s. Tsavo suffered its heaviest loss of elephants during the 1980s and early 1990s because of poaching, that has since subsided with the help of a 1989 global ban on the ivory trade. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com T-Shirt and Sweatshirts Save t-shirts or sweatshirts and make them into a quilt. You can also make them into throw pillows. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Pieces of well washed t-shirts also make excellent camera lens and eye glass cleaner rags. They are even softer on camera lens coatings than the expensive micro-fiber lens-cloths. A stack of those, nicely dyed, could be a very much appreciated Christmas gift for a photographer friend. Have FUN! DearWebby
Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== A crumbling old church building needed remodeling, so, during his sermon, the preacher made an impassioned appeal looking directly at the richest man in town. At the end of the sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1000." Just then, plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He promptly stood back up and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5000." Before he could sit back down, plaster fell on him again, and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge." He sat down, and a larger chunk of plaster fell on his head. He stood up once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!" This prompted a deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!" ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Omaha, NE. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Germaine L. Debro at Morningstar Baptist Church, 2019 Burdette St., Omaha, NE Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Las Vegas, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Lt. Col. Marshall A. Gutierrez at Immaculate Conception Church, 811 6th St., Las Vegas, New Mexico Thursday, Sept. 21 at 9:15 a.m. Rio Rancho, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Alexander Jordan at Vista Verde Cemetery, 4301 Sara Road SE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== "It's just to hot to wear clothes today," said Jack as he stepped out of the shower. "Honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I mowed the lawn like this?" "Probably that I married you for your money." ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Inlaws http://whozoo.org/Anlife99/bethsugg/gorillaindex2.htm ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby's Humor Letter, Sept 17/06 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  September 17, 2006
======================================

Sure there are dishonest men in local government.
But there are dishonest men in national government too.
-- Richard M. Nixon

Artificial Intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
-- Socratex

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================

A big hulking hooligan walks into a bar, slams his fist down,
and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !" Scared, the bartender
serves the man his Budweiser.  This happens everyday for a
week straight, and the bartender turns into a nervous wreck.
He asks his wife for advice, and she tells him he should stand
up for himself.

"Easier said than done," the bartender thinks, but he decides
to try it anyway.  The next day, the hooligan returns, slams his
fist down and yells, "Give me a Budweiser, or . . . !"

"O-o-o-o-r-r-r w-what?" stammers the bartender.

"A small Coke."

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inappropriate censoring
   Telus  for inappropriate censoring

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== Very interesting FREE report. There is no catch or obligation. If you are at all interested in marketing, you need to know about the changes at Google. ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heather Michelle Kane, 22, Mesa, AZ Too jealous for her own good September 14, 2006 - Mesa, Arizona - AP A 22-year-old woman was arrested after authorities say she tried to hire someone to kill another woman whose photo appeared on her boyfriend's MySpace.com Web page. Heather Michelle Kane was booked Tuesday for investigation of conspiracy to commit murder, Mesa Detective Jerry Gissel said. She was arrested after she met an undercover Mesa police detective at a grocery store, gave the officer $400 and offered to pay an additional $100 once the woman had been killed, according to court records. The records said Kane gave the undercover officer photographs taken from her boyfriend's social networking Web page of the woman she wanted killed. She also requested a photo of the woman's dead body. It wasn't clear if the boyfriend and the targeted woman were romantically involved, Gissel said. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== =========================================== A little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Finally, she leaned over to her mother and whispered, "Mommy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?" ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Dead drive Dear Webby, All I can tell you about this situation is I was using my son's Computer when I had to leave the room, when I got back to it, no screen , a lot of heat ,so I thinking it was in a sleep mode giggled the Mouse and nothing happened... I heard a loud ticking from the Puter and shut it down... I turned the Computer back on and there was a warning on the screen that the system was missing or there was a corrupt file...it said try to press any key and then when I did it asked to insert Windows Cd. So when my son tried to recover, he had to try 3 times and still the ticking noise was there and would not recover... Any thoughts on this one...Computer was an xp and very expensive. Thank you for all the help you have given me...You’re the best source of info. Jaye Dear Jaye That sounds like a bad hard drive. That ticking is probably the hard drive hunting for the boot sector. You might be able to read it again when it has cooled down, but don't use it for any length of time, just copy the most important stuff you got onto CD's. Make a list beforehand of what is the most important, and don't get sidetracked.. Keep copying until the drive dies again. If the boot sector is too badly damaged and you can't boot up again, put another Windows drive into its place and use the bad drive as a second drive. Quite often you can still copy the data off it that way. If that does not work either, then you can try Drivesavers at http://drivesavers.com. However, they are not cheap! If the data on the drive is not worth at least $2000, don't bother going there. With the next drive, do yourself a favor and get DisKeeper from http://webby.com/diskeeper and let it take care of the drive, or the same will happen again. The problem was not due to anything you did. It was either the way the drive was used without proper tuning over a long period of time, or a mechanical failure that was not seen and reported. Diskeeper would have reported the impending failure before it got out of control. Good Luck DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== A man is driving home late one afternoon, and he is driving well above the speed limit. He notices a police car with its red lights on in his rear view mirror. He thinks "I can outrun this guy," so he floors it and the race is on. The cars are racing down the highway -- 60, 70, 80, 90 miles per hour. Finally, as his speedometer passes 100, the guy figures "what the heck," and gives up. He pulls over to the curb. The police officer gets out of his cruiser and approaches the car. He leans down and says, "Listen mister, I've had a really lousy day, and I just want to go home. Give me a good excuse and I'll let you go." The man thought for a moment and said... "Three weeks ago, my wife ran off with a police officer. When I saw your cruiser in my rear view mirror, I thought that *YOU* were the officer and that you were trying to make her go back to me." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== A DC-10 had an exceedingly long rollout after landing with his approach speed a little high. San Jose Tower: "American 751 heavy, turn right at the end of the runway, if able. If not able, take theGuadalupe exit off Highway 101 and make a right at the light to return to the airport." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 9, 2006 - Vergennes, Vermont - AP A woman who learned six weeks before her wedding that her fiancé was cheating on her is turning her would-be reception into a charity benefit. "I'm really just trying to turn it around and make something positive out of it," said Kyle Paxman. Paxman, 29, had planned to celebrate her nuptials at the Basin Harbor Club on Lake Champlain on Saturday. When she found out about her fiancé, she called off the 180-guest wedding and the four-year relationship. She and her mother canceled the band, photographer and florist, but learned they would not be reimbursed for the reception and block of rooms they had reserved. So they turned the reception into a benefit for the Vermont Children's Aid Society and CARE USA, an international relief organization that aims to combat poverty by empowering women. They sent out invitations to 125 women for drinks and a gourmet four-course dinner. In exchange, they hope the guests will make donations to the charities. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crumpled Tin Foil If you don't have a wire brush to clean your outdoor grill, just crumple up some aluminum foil and use that to clean the grill. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked. "Sure," said the young student confidently. "Means carrying a child." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Sunday, Sept. 17 at 1:15 p.m. McMinnville, Tennessee Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Sgt. John A. Carroll at Mountain View Cemetery, 209 Mountain St., McMinnville, Tennessee Sunday, Sept. 17 at 7:15 p.m. Sunman, Indiana Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Pfc. Anthony P. Seig at American Legion Headquarters, 412 Eastern Ave., Sunman, Indiana Sunday, Sept. 17 at 1:45 p.m. High, Jackson, Missouri Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Cpl. Jeremy R. Shank at First Baptist Church of Jackson, 212 S. High, Jackson, Missouri Sunday, Sept. 17 at 1:45 p.m. Jackson, Missouri Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Cpl. Jeremy R. Shank at First Baptist Church of Jackson, 212 S. High, Jackson, Missouri. Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Omaha, NE. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Germaine L. Debro at Morningstar Baptist Church, 2019 Burdette St., Omaha, NE Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Las Vegas, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Lt. Col. Marshall A. Gutierrez at Immaculate Conception Church, 811 6th St., Las Vegas, New Mexico Thursday, Sept. 21 at 9:15 a.m. Rio Rancho, New Mexico Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Spc. Alexander Jordan at Vista Verde Cemetery, 4301 Sara Road SE, Rio Rancho, New Mexico I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Just after the maid had been fired, she took five bucks from her purse and threw it to Fido, the family dog. When asked why by her former employer, she answered: "I never forget a friend. This was for helping me clean the dishes all the time!" ======================================== Re Merri Lynn's quest: Dear Merri Lynn, Seems your ex is having fun at your expense playing cat and mouse with you. Stop torturing yourself and accept that you have done some foolish things. Move on. Get your divorce the old fashioned way: Run, don't walk, to your nearest courthouse, ask for the packet of papers for divorce (which should include thorough instructions) fill out the appropriate papers, pay the filing fees and place whatever newspaper notice is required for your circumstance of not being able to serve the actual papers on your spouse. Deeli ----------------------- Dear Webby, Please ask Merri Lynn if she's tried http://www.zabasearch.com/ I've been amazed at what I have been able to find out there! Your other readers may want to know about it, since a lot of personal information is available, and they may want to know what's "on the net" about them. Of course, I'd recommend that Merri Lynn have his papers served to the address she finds there first! If she alerts him ahead of time, he'll conveniently skip again, I'm sure! Hope this is helpful, Laura -------------------------- Hi Webby: Tell Merri Lynn to go to Peoplefinders.com, I found my friends birth parents on that site, great site, cost is 9.95 for phone number, address, etc!!!! Ann ======================================== Thanks to Dianne for this Bonus Link: Pick your news channel http://www.dotso.com/ ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. PS: If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY. or write to humor@webby.com I am not in the least worried about spam like most other newsletter writers, who wimp out behind no-reply addresses. The reason I am not worried about spam is because I use the FireTrust Mail Washer. My addresses have been on the web for 10 years and are probably on every spam list there is. Every day Thousands of mails are sent to me. MailWasher trashes all but the 200 that I answer. Try MailWasher FREE for 30 days It's still the best spam control program for people who get lots of mail. If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE Give a free gift subscription to a friend!





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Dear Webby Humor Letter, Sept 16/06 


Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  September 15, 2006
======================================

"Only those who dare to fail greatly
can ever achieve greatly."
-- Robert F. Kennedy

What this country needs is more free speech
worth listening to.
-- Hansell B. Duckett

Like all parents, my husband and I just do the best we can,
and hold our breath, and hope we've set aside enough money
to pay for our kids' therapy.
-- Michelle Pfeiffer

======================================
, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
 Thanks for your votes!
===========================================


Very interesting FREE report.
There is no catch or obligation.
If you are at all interested in marketing, you need to know
about the changes at Google.

============================================

Thanks to Dave for this story:
To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should
switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she
said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested
that she keep their regular container and refill it with
skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter
asked one morning whether the milk was okay.

"Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been
found out. "Why do you ask?"

The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration
date, this milk expired two years ago!"

===========================================

  A "Sniveling Ninnie" award goes to
   Yahoo  mail  for gross incompetence
   @us.army.mil for inapropriate censoring
   Telus  for inapropriate censoring


----------------------------------------------------------------------------

If you want to read previous day's Humor Letters, browse to the blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
=========================================== A fireman is at the station house working outside on the fire truck when he notices a little girl next door. The little girl is in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the side. She is wearing a fireman's hat and has the wagon tied to a dog. The fireman says "Hey little girl. What are you doing?" The little girl says "I'm pretending to be a fireman and this is my fire truck!" The fireman walks over to take a closer look. "Little girl, that sure is a nice fire truck!" the fireman says. "Thanks mifter", says the little girl. The fireman looks a little closer and notices the little girl has tied the dog to the wagon by its testicles. "Little girl", says the fireman, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the dog's neck I think you could go faster." The little girl says, "You're probally right mifter, but then I wouldn't have a siren!" ===========================================
Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter
=========================================== Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Petros Onen, 49, in Athens, Greece Bank ninja September 13, 2006 - Athens, Greece - Reuters A Greek bank robber armed with ninja throwing stars finally ran out of moves Tuesday when police arrested him after an Athens bank robbery. Petros Onen, 49, had held up 11 small suburban bank branches making away with 50,000 euros ($63,590) in recent months, threatening to throw his razor-sharp, palm-size stars -- made famous by the Japanese ninja warriors -- at cashiers, police said. His luck ran out when undercover policemen at the last bank he robbed followed him home and arrested him with his loot, his throwing stars, a fake gun and a list of other bank branches. ===========================================
SAVE FUEL - SAVE MONEY HELP THE ENVIRONMENT visit MPGadvantage.com today
=========================================== Thanks to Martin for this picture: So, it's your first kiss and several questions might come to mind: Is it the right time? Is anyone watching? Does your partner even want to? Is your breath fresh? And... Should you use some tongue? Then you lean in and just go for it!!! =========================================== An RCMP (Royal Canadian Mounted Police) officer stopped to help a stranded rider standing beside a stalled motorcycle in the mountains. It was extremely cold, and the rider was heavily dressed in a helmet, balaclava and snowmobile suit. In a muffled voice, the rider told the Mountie that the carburetor was frozen. A motorcyclist himself, the Mountie remembered an old trick for just such an occasion. "Try peeing on it," the Mountie said, "That should unfreeze it." "Can't," replied the rider. So the helpful Mountie took out his own equipment and liberally hosed down the carburetor, and the bike soon fired up. A few days later, the local department received a thank you note from a father, grateful for the roadside assistance his young daughter had received from the RCMP ===========================================
Do you want to build a big newsletter/mailing list? Check out Listbuilder for free softare plus a potentially very profitable affiliate deal that you can join for free!
=========================================== Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com ================================== From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eddie Re: XP Home or PRO Hi Mr Webby; Tell me what's better..... "Windows XP Pro! or Windows XP Home?" and why? Fast Eddie Dear Eddie For you, XP home is better. It's half the price and you'll never know the difference. If it was for a machine that was used to administer a network of more than 10 machines, THEN pay the higher price to get the PRO. Have FUN! DearWebby ========================================== DONEVIN'S HINT: Having YOUR own PROGRAM with no product of your own and no service required! Take a look now and find out how you can start taking home the kind of money you've been looking for. Go to http://jos.org/donevin =========================================== In my senior year I reluctantly took a required psychology course. The first day, the professor commented on each student's major, trying to provoke a response. It was working - some students were becoming defensive. When it was my turn, I told him I was a music major. "So," asked my professor, "what does your father think of you wasting your education to study music." "He's just thankful," I shot back, "that I didn't go into psychology." ========================================== Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com ========================================== While working in a clothing store, I noticed that people had no shame about returning items that obviously had been worn. One rainy morning I walked in and found a discolored blazer hanging on the rack with other returns. "People return the most filthy, nasty things," I commented to my supervisor who was standing nearby. Eyebrow raised, she said, "That's my jacket." =========================================== Deeli's Kudos September 13, 2006 - Lebanon, N.H. - AP Two men are donating kidneys to each other's wives in a four-way surgical swap Wednesday at a hospital in New Hampshire. One of the women will receive a kidney from a stranger who has compatible blood and tissue types. Meanwhile, her husband has turned out to be a compatible donor for the other man's wife. The couples do not know each other. The surgery will be the second kidney transplant for one woman, who hopes it will allow her to live without regular dialysis. The surgeon who'll perform the operation said organs from living donors always work better than those harvested from someone who has just died. ============================================= The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ http://fire-cat.com/blog/ You can post your questions there and read current and past queries and replies, or email to the Express Empress at empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you. ============================================= Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Apple and Dell Laptop Battery Recalls Apple and Dell have had to recalled a large number of potentially unsafe laptop batteries. If your laptop was purchased within the last couple of years you may be entitled to a new battery for your laptop. Dell Battery Exchange Website: https://www.dellbatteryprogram.com/ Apple Battery Exchange Website: https://support.apple.com/ibook_powerbook/batteryexchange/ Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com
Check out their new Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com
Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml Subscribe and get access to their new Printable Coupon page! Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly contests! Contest If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here: http://www.cumuli.com/ezines/vote.html? ... ;/font> ======================================== Years ago, the chaplain of the football team at Notre Dame was a beloved old Irish priest. At confession one day, a football player told the priest that he had acted in an unsportsman-like manner at a recent football game. "I lost my temper and said some bad words to one of my opponents." "Ahhh, that's a terrible thing for a Notre Dame lad to be doin'," the priest said. He took a piece of chalk and drew a mark across the sleeve of his coat. "That's not all, Father. I got mad and punched one of my opponents." "Saints preserve us!" the priest said, making another chalk mark. "There's more. As I got out of a pileup, I kicked two of the other team's players in the in a sensitive area." "Oh, goodness me!" the priest wailed, making two more chalk marks on his sleeve. "Who in the world were we playin' when you did these awful things?" "Southern Methodist." "Ah, well," said the priest, wiping his sleeve, "boys will be boys." ======================================== Pervert Alert If you are near any of these towns, please help shield the families of a fallen hero from the Westboro Perverts The members of the Westboro Perverts harrass the families of fallen soldiers and miners during the funeral, and proclaim that their deaths are Gods punishment for US non-discrimination laws. Sat., Sept. 16 at 9:15 a.m. Toms River, NJ Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Marine Pfc. Vincent M. Frassetto at St. Luke's Catholic Church, 1674 Old Freehold Rd., Toms River, NJ Sunday, Sept. 17 at 1:45 p.m. Jackson, Missouri Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army Cpl. Jeremy R. Shank at First Baptist Church of Jackson, 212 S. High, Jackson, Missouri. Monday, Sept. 18 at 9:15 a.m. Omaha, NE. Perverts plan to harass the funeral for Army National Guard Sgt. Germaine L. Debro at Morningstar Baptist Church, 2019 Burdette St., Omaha, NE I am not endorsing those non-discrimination laws. Military hiring practises should not be dictated by the ACLU. However, I applaud ANY ACTION to shield the bereaved families of miners and war heroes, - who had absolutely nothing to do with the Government giving in to the ACLU -, from those despicable Westboro perverts. DearWebby ======================================== To find a real bugler for military funerals, browse to Buglers ======================================== Billy Bob and Luther were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob tells Luther, "Ya know, I reckon I'm 'bout ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm gonna do it a little different. "The last few years, I took your advice about where to go. Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii and Earline got pregnant. Then two years ago, you told me to go to the Bahamas, and Earline got pregnant again. Last year you suggested Tahiti and darned if Earline didn't get pregnant again." Luther asks Billy Bob, "So, what you gonna do this year that's different?" Billy Bob says, "This year I'm taking Earline with me." ======================================== From Merri Lynn Dear Webby, Could you suggest a site to use to find my husband? I want a divorce, but he has eluded me for the past 18 years, just when I know where he is and get a phone # for him, he up and moves. I know I can get a divorce without knowing where he is but the fact is I have already paid for an online service. This was when he was being agreeable and I thought he was going to stay in one place for awhile-foolish me!!!!! Anyway you have so many wonderful helpful sites to refer to I thought maybe you had a good search engine for this problem. I have his SSN and date of birth. Any help would be great-thanks so much, your cyber friend, Merri Lynn Dear Merri Lynn I have never tried contacting an ex, and have absolutely no clue in that area. However, quite possibly one of the subscribers can steer you in the right direction. Have FUN! DearWebby ======================================== Thanks to Deeli for this Bonus Link: Watch the movie on that page! Fish Story http://wcbstv.com/watercooler/local_sto ... 64827.html ======================================== , if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes! Give a free gift subscription to a friend! ======================================== Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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