Dear Webby: No mail to AOL 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 13, 2007


Remember the difference between a boss and a leader: A boss says "Go!" A leader says "Let's go!" --- E.M. Kelly You can't find any true closeness in Hollywood, because everybody does the fake closeness so well. --- Carrie Fisher
Thanks to Ross for this story: A Welsh farmer walking through his field, notices a man drinking out of a pond. The Welsh farmer shouted: "Paid a yfed a dwr, maer gwerthin wedi cachu un a for." This means: “Don’t drink the water the cows have dumped into it." The man shouts back: "I'm a Muslim, I don't understand. Please speak in English." The Welsh farmer says: "Use two hands, they hold more!"
Marge was telling her friend Grace how she gets her son out of bed in the morning. "I just open his door and toss the cat on his bed. He sleeps with his dog."

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A woman was worried whether or not her dead husband made it to heaven, so she decided to try to contact his spirit by having a seance. Sure enough, after the usual mumbo-jumbo of calling to the spirits, her husband's voice was heard answering, "Hello Margaret, this is meeee..." " "Fred," she answered. "I just have to know if you're happy there in the afterlife. What's it like there?" "Ooooooh, it's much more beautiful here than I ever imagined," Fred answered. "The sky is bluer, the air is cleaner, and the pastures are much more lush and green than I ever expected. And the only thing we do all day long, are eat and sleep, eat and sleep, over and over." "Thank God, you made it to heaven," his wife cried. "Heaven?" he answered. "What heaven? I'm a buffalo in Montana." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade, Somerset, England October 7, 2007 - Somerset, UK - Ananova Blue bird An aristocrat claims a peacock caused £4,000 damage to a blue Lexus car - by trying to have sex with it. Baronet Sir Benjamin Slade has put in a claim to insurers to cover the damage to his employee's car, reports the Daily Telegraph. He has also put up warning signs at Maunsel House, in Somerset, after the "peacock blue" Lexus was scratched and dented by the amorous bird. The incident proves the bird is gay, according to Sir Benjamin, because peahens are brown and only males are blue. He says the male damaged the car because it looked like "another peacock boy". "He attacked the panels so hard that the car needs a total respray," he said. "The insurers, Lloyd's of London, are not very happy about it. They've had claims for all sorts of things like lions biting people. "But never have they heard of a peacock sexually attacking a car before." He added: "I've had to ban peacock blue Lexus cars from the car park." Sir Benjamin Slade previously attracted attention when he sent out advertisements seeking an heir for his estate so that he could live in a council (Social Assistance) house instead. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2540164.html?menu=
Thanks to Rita for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Noella Re: AOL Malfunction Dear Webby, I tried forwarding the ezine to Pfs55@aol.com and also to my own aol address. It came back for both addresses. Makes me wonder what else I missed when I was with AOL. Noella Dear Noella Probably a lot. We have a few clients who send in hlep requests with an AOL return address. There is no point wasting much time to figure out their problem, since my reply will bounce anyway. I usually just send a quick token reply to see if their mail works. When I get the bounce, I'm glad I hadn't wasted a lot of time. I can't really get mad at the poor dummies, since they probably suffer from the insane delusion that AOL mail works reliably. Have FUN!
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Thanks to Sandie for this story: The physics professor, checking to see how many people had actually read the assignment, asked "What are the two types of light?" The lab fell quiet until a small voice came from the back of the room, "Uhhh, Miller and Coors?"

Deeli's Kudos October 10, 2007 - Philadelphia, Pennsylvania - CBS A family recovered their mother's lost wedding rings after searching through nearly a thousand bags of trash at a suburban landfill. Susan Myers, 83, of Downingtown, lost the jewelry at Paoli Hospital, where she was taken Sept. 29 after collapsing at her husband's funeral. Her family had removed the rings, a pearl bracelet and a 50th anniversary ring in the emergency room and placed them in a rubber glove tied with a knot. The glove was later misplaced, then mistakenly thrown away. Frantic searches the next day eventually led the family to Frank Dabney, the hospital employee who emptied the trash from Myers' room. He told them their only hope was to search the landfill in Honey Brook where the hospital's trash is taken. "One in a million, is what I told them," Dabney said. "I told them, 'You only got one shot, and it's a long shot, a real long shot.'" Myers' family hired Dabney to help, and on Oct. 2 the group of six spent several hours picking through the garbage. By afternoon, Dabney had found the glove. "I could feel the pearls. I shook it and could hear the rings," Dabney said. That evening, Myers' family gave her back her jewelry. No one told her at the time where it had been, but she knows now. "I believe it was my dad, between heaven and earth, watching over his family, giving us something to work on rather than grieving," said Jeff Myers, one of her sons. "Without him, this miracle never would have happened." http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/10/ ... 6083.shtml


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Saving a Part of Your Budget Make saving a fixed part of your budget. Determine a reasonable amount of money each month and have it automatically deposited into a savings account. It is best if this account is entirely separate so you can "forget" about it until you need it. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man was in his usual place, sitting at the table, reading the newspaper during breakfast. He came across an article about a beautiful actress who was about to marry a football player, who was known primarily for his lack of IQ and common knowledge. He turned to his wife with a look of bewilderment on his face and said, "I'll never understand why the biggest jerks get the most attractive wives" His wife said, "Why, thank you, dear!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
After the holidays and all those delightful, seasonal treats, a husband stepped on one of those penny scales that tells your fortune and weight. He dropped in a coin and eagerly read the results. "Listen to this," he said to his wife, showing her a small, white card. "It says I'm energetic, bright, resourceful and an absolutely fantastic lover." "Yeah," his wife nodded, "and it has your weight wrong, too."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Heroes of the Old West
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Problem 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 12, 2007

Wear something red today,
to show your support for the troops!


From Great Granny Vi: I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting harder to find one. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around. --- Leo Buscaglia
Thanks to Dianne for this story: My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally, she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"
HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU ARE OLD First, you tell your friend that you are having an affair, * Then your friend asks you.... "Are you having it catered?" * That, my friend, is the definition of OLD!

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GROAN ALERT Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to SouthWest Airlines Sniveling Stew October 5, 2007 - Tampa, Florida - AP Southwest Airlines said it will apologize to a passenger who was told he would be removed from a flight if he didn’t change clothes, the second time in recent months the budget carrier has been forced to do so. Joe Winiecki, of Largo, Fla., boarded a Southwest flight in Columbus, Ohio, wearing a fictional fishing shop T-shirt which featured the words, "Master Baiter." Winiecki, who was traveling home, said he was in his seat when an employee told him he had to change his T-shirt, turn it inside out, or get off the plane. Winiecki protested that the airline was infringing on his right to free speech, but changed his shirt fearing he would miss the flight and a day’s work. Southwest spokesman Chris Mainz said Friday the employee made a mistake because the Dallas-based airline does not have a dress code. The airline apologized this summer after a college student wearing a denim miniskirt and a sweater over a tank top was told to change her outfit or get off a flight departing from San Diego. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21151557/

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Pat Re: AOL Malfunction Dear Webby, A looooooong-time subscriber, I have received only this one humor letter since mid-September. I haven't made any changes to my cookie or security settings, checked my spam folder (you aren't there), and have you listed in my address book, so it should be clear sailing. HELP!!!! ~ Pat Dear Pat Pfs55@aol.com|Pat|humor That shows me that your subscription is being sent to you EVERY night. What is below, shows me that AOL censors your subscription: Subject: Returned mail: see transcript for details Auto-Submitted: auto-generated (failure) The original message was received at Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:46:40 -0400 from humor@localhost ----- The following addresses had permanent fatal errors ----- Pfs55@aol.com (reason: 554-: (HVU:B1) http://postmaster.info.aol.com/errors/554hvub1.html) ----- Transcript of session follows ----- ... while talking to mailin-02.mx.aol.com.: >>> DATA <<< 554-: (HVU:B1) http://postmaster.info.aol.com/errors/554hvub1.html <<< 554 TRANSACTION FAILED 554 5.0.0 Service unavailable Reporting-MTA: dns; webby.com Arrival-Date: Wed, 10 Oct 2007 06:46:40 -0400 Until you get AOL to stop stealing your stuff, there is nothing I can do. PS. MY mail to you bounced back too. Maybe some reader can forward this to you. It might be time to graduate from AOL, or at least get a gmail address on the side. Good Luck! DearWebby
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A lady was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing."

Deeli's Kudos October 8, 2007 - Carrollton Township, Michigan - AP Officer James Kellett knows it's his job to serve and protect - even when it comes to nature's stinky black and white creatures. When a skunk with its head stuck in a salad dressing jar wandered into the Carrollton Township police station's parking lot, he grabbed a pellet gun and shot at the jar from about 40 feet away. The shots cracked and shattered the jar, leaving a glass collar around the skunk's neck. With its head free, the skunk ran off. "I didn't want to use deadly force, and it is a residential area," Kellett told The Saginaw News. "The way he was when he took off, he was able to eat, breathe and spray - and do anything else skunks like to do." http://www.macon.com/weird//story/155326.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Kid's School Work Create a folder each month and file away school work as your child brings it home. In the summer, you can look at each month and decide what to keep, being sure to date it. This also serves as a great way to view the progress that your child made throughout the school year. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Liz for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Etch A Sketch Art
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: How to Remove AdAware 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 11, 2007

Wear something red tomorrow, to show your support for the troops!


I have a new philosophy. I'm only going to dread one day at a time. --- Charles M. Schulz, Charlie Brown in "Peanuts" You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy,
Thanks to Sandie for this story: The woman applying for the job in a Florida lemon grove seemed way too qualified for the job. "Look miss," said the foreman. "Do you have any experience in picking lemons?" "Well, as a matter if fact, yes!" she replied. "I've been divorced three times."
TRhanks to Viceky for this story: A young Jewish mom walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your Mother, tataleh!" "And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh." "Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son on and hugs him. "So tell mommy. . . what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I've learned that my name is Melvin."

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A very thirsty man goes into a bar. He sits down and waits for the bartender to see him. The man next to him calls for the bartender saying, "I'll have another waterloo." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink, then asks the newcomer what he would like to drink. Wanting to try this new drink, he says, "I'll have a waterloo too." The bartender gives him a tall, ice cold drink. The man takes a big drink from the glass and says, "HEY! This isn't any good. It tastes just like water!" The man next to him looks at the bartender and says, "Well, it is water . . . right Lou? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Scott A. Masters, 41, from Farmington, Missouri Donut Robber October 8, 2007 - Farmington, Missouri - AP It's a hefty price for a pastry: A man accused of stealing a 52-cent doughnut could face time in jail. Authorities said Scott A. Masters, 41, slipped the doughnut into his sweat shirt without paying, then pushed away a clerk who tried to stop him as he fled the store. The push is being treated as minor assault, which transforms a misdemeanor shoplifting charge to a strong-armed robbery with a potential prison term of five to 15 years. Because he has a criminal history, prosecutors say they could seek 30 years. "Strong-arm robbery? Over a doughnut? That's impossible," Masters told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch from jail. He admitted that he took the pastry but denied touching the employee. "There's no way I would've pushed a woman over a doughnut." Farmington Police Chief Rick Baker said state law treats the shoplifting and assault as forcibly stealing property. The amount of force and value of the property doesn't matter. "It's not the doughnut," Baker said. "It's the assault." Masters said he didn't even get to enjoy his ill-gotten gains: He threw the doughnut away as he fled. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21191119/

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tam Re: Removing AdAware Dear Webby: Hi and as always thanks for the daily humor. I think I asked you this before, but I need help.. again!! I got McAfee virus protection and it will not let me install it 100% because I have AdAware and can not get to my add/remove program to uninstall it. PLEASE let me know if there is a way I can uninstall that. And any solutions as to why I can not get to add/remove? thanks and have a good day Tam Dear Tam A lot of people have problems with removing AdAware. That is one of the reasons I don't recommend them. Half an hour on Google found this: 1. Click "uninstall Ad-Aware" in the lavasoft folder of your start menu 2. If it does not work, open your control panel, click add/remove programs and locate Ad-Aware SE 3. If it still does not work, locate and run (double-click) the file "unwise.exe" (the .exe might not be shown). It should be found in C:\program files\lavasoft\Ad-Aware SE [Personal/Plus/Professional]\ If that does not work, or if you get a message saying something like "Can't find Install.log," perform a manual uninstall. Do the following: 1. Click on "my computer" and navigate to your Lavasoft Ad-Aware folder (C:\program files\lavasoft\ad-aware \ 2. Run the file unregaaw.exe 3. Delete the entire ad-aware folder 4. Delete your Lavasoft Ad-Aware link in your start menu (if present) 5. Delete the Ad-Aware icon(s) from your desktop(if present) 6. Navigate to C:\Documents and Settings\[User Name]\Application Data\Lavasoft and delete the entire Lavasoft folder. 7. Empty your trash bin 8. Reboot. If you have already deleted unregaaw.exe, try to get it from Lavasoft in Sweden. Good Luck! DearWebby
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I stepped into the restroom at our company headquarters and found this handwritten sign posted over one of those hot air hand dryers: "Please push button and listen for a short message from the Vice President."

Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2007 - Anchorage, Alaska - AP A crippled cow moose in west Anchorage is showing such a knack for survival that state biologists have so far avoided the normal course of putting her down. The moose, which is missing about 12 inches of its right hind leg, is also nursing what appears to be a large and healthy calf, according to Rick Sinnott, the state's Anchorage area wildlife biologist. ''She seems to be getting around fairly well on three legs, although she's a little skinnier than she should be this time of year,'' Sinnott said. ''A complicating factor is she still has a calf and, the last time we looked, the calf was still nursing.'' Moose typically loose weight during the winter because they have less food to eat, and it may be necessary to put the moose down then, said Jessy Coltrane, the assistant Anchorage-area biologist. ''There's no need (now) for a pre-emptive strike,'' Coltrane said. ''Her body condition looks good.'' Many concerned residents phone the Department of Fish and Game to report seeing the three-legged moose, which may have been injured in a vehicle collision sometime this year, biologists said. The crippled moose in West Anchorage apparently also has drawn the attention of bulls and biologists speculate that she could mate again. Biologists know of a cow moose in Eagle River several years ago that was missing an entire rear leg and yet produced calves for several years running, Coltrane said. http://www.happynews.com/news/1032007/c ... alaska.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Frugal Costume: Ninja! Wear all black with a black sash to wear as a belt. Cut a hole big enough for your eyes in black fabric and tie it loosely around your head. Children should also be outfitted with reflective tape on the front and back if they are going to be trick-or-treating outside. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Lisa and Linda Two are walking down the street. Lisa finds a little mirror, and looks in it. She looks again, and again. Puzzled, she says to her friend, "I just know I've seen this face before!" "Give it to me", says linda. She looks in the mirror and says, "Of course you have, silly! It's me!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
While rummaging through his attic a man found a shoe-repair ticket that was five years old. Figuring that he had nothing to lose, he went to the shop and presented the ticket to the pro- prietor, who reluctantly began a search for the unclaimed shoes. After ten minutes, the owner reappeared and handed back the ticket. "Well," asked the customer, "did you find the shoes?" "Yes," replied the owner, "they'll be ready Tuesday."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Price-Wise Phone
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Humor: Mobile High Speed internet 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 10, 2007

I merely took the energy it takes to pout and wrote some blues. --- Duke Ellington
A vampire bat comes flapping in from the night covered in fresh blood. He parks himself on the ceiling of the cave to get some sleep. Pretty soon, however, all of the other bats smell the blood and begin hassling him about where he got it. He tells them to scram and let him get some sleep, but they persist until he finally gives in. "Okay, follow me," he says, and flies out of the cave with hundreds of bats behind him. Down through a valley they go, across a river and into a forest of trees. Finally he slows down and all of the other bats mill around him excitedly. "Now, do you see that tree over there?" he asks. "Yes! Yes! Yes!" the bats all scream in a frenzy. "Good," says the first bat, "because I didn't!"
The Smiths had no children and decided to use a proxy father to start their family. On the morning the proxy father was to arrive Mr.Smith kissed his wife and said "I'm off to work, the man should be here soon." Half an hour later, just by chance, a door to door baby photographer rang the door hoping to make a sale. "Good morning madam, you don't know me but I've come to...." "Oh no need to explain. I've been expecting you," Mrs. Smith cut in... "Really??" he said. "Well good ! I've made a specialty of babies..." "Thats what my husband and I had hoped for...Er...where should we start?" asked Mrs.Smith (blushing). "Well," said the man, "leave everything to me. I usually try it first in the bathtub...and maybe one shot on the couch...perhaps a couple on the bed... sometime the living room floor is fun too, you can really spread out." "Hmmm...bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work for Harry and me." "Well madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I am sure you'll be pleased with the results." "I hope we can get this over with quickly" gasped Mrs. Smith. "Madam in my line of work, a man must take his time. I'd love to be in and out in five minutes time, but you'd be disappointed with that I am sure." "Don't I know it!!" Mrs.Smith exclaimed.. "I'll show you some of my work first," the photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This one was done on top of a bus in London.." "Oh, my God !!" Mrs.Smith exclaimed, tugging at her handkerchief. "And the twins turned out well when you consider their mother was difficult to work with." (He hands her a picture) "Difficult? She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith. "Yes I am afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep and pushing to get good look." "4 or 5 deep?" asked Mrs.Smith, her eyes widened in amazement. "Yes!", he said. "And for three hours, too. With the constant squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate. So I began to rush my shot. But just then a squirrel began to nibble at my equipment. I got mad! So I packed it all in." Mrs.Smith leaned forward, "You mean it actually chewed on your.... Er...equipment?" "Thats right," the man said. "Well, if you're ready now, I'll set up my tripod so we can get to work." "TRIPOD???" Mrs. Smith looked worried. "Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much to big for me to hold. Ok, I'm ready for action!" he said. Madam??? Good lord..she's fainted !!!

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The young immigrant couple had just left the courthouse after being sworn in as American citizens. "It is wonderful," the husband exclaimed. "We are American citizens at last! Do you know what this means to us my dear wife?" "Yes, you male chauvinist pig," his wife replied. "Tonight, you cook dinner and I get on top...!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the parents of a future career criminal School Bus Chase October 7, 2007 - Dumas, Arkansas - AP A 10-year-old boy was arrested after taking a school bus and leading police on a 70-kilometre chase along a rural highway, according to police. School officials spotted lights coming from the bus yard around 11 p.m. Friday, and reported the bus stolen. Officers from three counties, four towns and the Arkansas State Police began chasing the bus and its driver. Despite road spikes set up to slow the bus, the vehicle kept travelling north toward Little Rock along U.S. 65 through Desha and Lincoln counties, then into Jefferson county. "Be advised, he missed them all. We're now coming into town. Speed's at 25 miles an hour (40 kilometres an hour)," officers said over a radio scanner. About 70 kilometres later, the bus slowed down enough for a sheriff's deputy to make the bus stop in Pine Bluff, and officers discovered their suspect was a child. They cuffed the boy and took him into custody, then later released him to his parents. It wasn't known whether the child would face charges. School officials said he had been part of a group caught on camera trying to pull the same prank last month. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 99-ap.html
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: The cat could very well be man's best friend but would never stoop to admitting it. --- Doug Larson
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Najma Re: Mobile High Speed Internet Dear Webby: Greetings from Jersey, In response to Sharon's letter about accessing the internet. At the moment, Sprint has something called a mobile broadband. It can either hook up to either a desktop or laptop's USB port. I love it. It is called Sierra 595U - USB Modem Point of contact is Mr Lou Chambers 800-677-0983 You can take it wherever you need to go. Hope this helps her. Have a nice day! Peace...........Najma Dear Najma Thanks for your valuable information! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man walking along a California beach was deep in prayer. All of a sudden he said out loud, "Lord grant me one wish." Suddenly the sky clouded above his head and in a booming voice the Lord said, "Because you have TRIED to be faithful to me in all ways, I will grant you one wish". The man said, "Build a bridge to Hawaii, so I can drive over anytime I want to." The Lord said, "Your request is very materialistic. Think of the logistics of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! I can do it, but it is hard for me to justify your desire for worldly things. Take a little more time and think of another wish, a wish you think would honor and glorify me." The man thought about it for a long time. Finally he said, "Lord, I have been married and divorced four times. All of my wives said that I am uncaring and insensitive. I wish that I could understand women. I want to know how they feel inside, what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment, why they cry, what they mean when they say "nothing" and how I can make a woman truly happy." After a few minutes God said, "Do you want two lanes or four on that bridge?"

Deeli's Kudos October 1, 2007 - Bishopville, South Carolina - AP Firefighter Brian Eargle is accustomed to waking up to fight fires. But Tuesday night, Eargle said he was jerked from sleep by coughing and quickly ended up having to fight a blaze at his own fire station. Eargle managed to escape the fire, call for help and drive two trucks away from the burning building. He then pulled a hose from a fire truck parked outside to fight the blaze for about 10 minutes until his fellow firefighters could arrive and get their equipment on. The fire, which started in the lounge of the station, did about $30,000 in damage, Lee County Fire Chief Mike Bedenbaugh said. But it could have been a lot worse. Bedenbaugh said he is glad Eargle wasn't hurt or killed and that he managed to save the vehicles from the blaze. ''If this fire had happened at any of our other stations, then we would have lost vehicles and the entire building,'' Bedenbaugh said. ''This is the only station where we have someone on duty 24 hours a day.'' The State Law Enforcement Division is investigating the fire. http://www.happynews.com/news/9272007/f ... n-fire.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Meatloaf Muffins To make meatloaf in convenient serving sizes, make your favorite meatloaf recipe in muffin tins. The meatloaf will cook faster and it's the perfect size for freezing. Then just serve a meatloaf muffin to each person. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex- husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex- husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."

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Dear Webby: McAfee patch 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 9, 2007

Practice is nine-tenths. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
A young man was talking to a girl that he had just met, and asked her name. "I don't want to tell you," she said, "I'm named after both of my parents, and it's kind of embarrassing." "Well, what could be so bad about that?" the young man asked. "My mother's name is Eliza, and my father's name is Ferdinand." the girl answered. "Well, those are nice names" the guy replied. "It would be if they wouldn't have named me FerdEliza!"
Thanks to Sandie for this classic from the days when Windows came on floppy disks instead of CDs or pre-installed. An unfailingly polite lady called to ask for help with a Windows installation that had gone terribly wrong. Customer: I brought my Windows disks from work to install them on my home computer. Training stresses that we are not the Software Police, so I let the little act of piracy slide. Tech Support: Umm hmm. What happened? Customer: As I put each disk in, it turns out they weren't initialized. Tech Support: Do you remember the message exactly, ma'am? Customer: (proudly) I wrote it down. It said, "This is not a Macintosh disk. Would you like to initialize it?" Tech Support: Er, what happened next? Customer: After they were initialized, all the disks appeared to be blank. And now I brought them back to work and I can't read them in the A: drive. The PC wants to format them. And this is our only set of Windows disks for the whole office. Did I do something wrong?

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I was on vacation, playing the slot machines. It was my first time in a casino, and I wasn't sure how the machines operated. "Excuse me." I said to a casino employee. "How does this work?" The worker showed me how to insert a bill, hit the spin button, and operate the release handle. "And where does the money come out?" I asked. He smiled and motioned to a far wall before saying, "Usually at the ATM." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Town Manager John Simko of Greenville, Maine Sniveling Ninny! "Naked Lunch" just doesn't sound appetizing to some people. A sandwich called the Skinny Dip, featuring sliced prime rib in a baguette roll, has been offered free of charge to anyone willing to plunge naked from The Black Frog Restaurant's dock into a lake. Since the free sandwich offer was introduced three years ago, owner Leigh Turner has found plenty of takers. "We've had two or three a week," he said. But now the promotion is running into trouble: Somebody, maybe a competitor without lake access, apparently suggested to selectmen that the activity be banned. The naked lunch issue surfaced this week when Black Frog's application to renew its liquor license was presented to the Town Manager John Simko. Simko claimed he had been approached about the nudity and suggested that Police Chief Scott MacMaster speak to the owner. Turner did not attend the selectmen's meeting, but said he would remove the free lunch offer if asked to do so. The skinny dip was typically done at night, no frontal nudity was exposed to customers and a towel was readily available, Turner said. "Most everybody applauded" after the plunge, Turner said. He said the offering, like the remainder of his menu, including mooseballs, is a light-hearted attempt to provide a little humor to his customers.
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geo Re: McAfee Patch Dear Webby: I received this reply to my problem today and IT WORKED! I'm now able to send AND receive emails from the comcast ISP again. http://download.mcafee.com/products/lic ... 1005_1.exe Geo Dear Geo They also quietly included that patch in today's update and McAfee does no longer sabotage Eudora. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could short the keyboard and wipe out all of the data!"

Deeli's Kudos October 4, 2007 - St. Petersburg, Florida - AP A county garbage operations employee found a plastic bag on the road stuffed with $65,000 Thursday — and immediately turned it in to authorities. It turned out the money had fallen off a Loomis armored car a half hour before Debbie Cole found it near the Pinellas County solid waste operations facility where she works. First she thought it was a turtle in the road. The 53-year-old Largo woman found the bag just before 7 a.m., full of enough $50 and $100 bills to pay her salary for two years. She immediately contacted a supervisor, who called deputies. It's not clear how the bag fell from the truck, said Mark Clark, spokesman for Loomis, a Houston-based cash-handling company. Cole's boss, Bob Hauser, said he can't give her a raise or a bonus for her good deed because she's a government employee. But maybe, he said, he can arrange some extra time off. Cole, who grew up in Long Island, said she was raised to be honest. She said she raised her four daughters the same way. Did she think for just a minute about keeping the money? ''Everyone keeps asking me that,'' Cole said. ''To be honest, no. It didn't even cross my mind.'' http://www.happynews.com/news/1042007/w ... 65-000.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cover Windows With Plastic Put plastic over your windows in the cold months, especially if you have single pane windows.. You would be surprised how much cold air gets through your seals in an older home. It is especially true this year with energy costs likely to go through the roof. The kits for that are pretty well impossible to find nowadays, but you can use pallet-wrap. It is just shrink wrap on 3 or 4 foot wide rolls, used to wrap around loaded pallets to keep everything together and protected. You can get that and wide scotch tape at warehousing needs suppliers. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?" But the initials really stand for "What would Jesus drive?" One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because "the Bible says God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury." But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Lord to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm." Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast." Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills." Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land."And, following the Master's lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda: "The Apostles were in one Accord."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
The Eyeglass Prescription for women Don't wear your glasses on a blind date. You'll look better, and he will too. The Psychological Prognosis: Love is a form of temporary insanity curable only by marriage.

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Dear Webby: : Eudora disabled by recent McAfee update 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 8, 2007

Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. --- Laurence J. Peter
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Stress Reliever Girl: "When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden." Boy: "It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles." Girl: "Well that's because we aren't married yet."
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eye's off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. By and by she was alternately stroking her own cheek, then his again. Finally she spoke, "Granddaddy, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh she said," then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?"

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This 45 year old woman is naked, jumping up and down on her bed laughing and singing. Her husband walks into the bedroom and sees her. He watches her a while then says, "You look ridiculous! What on earth do you think you're doing?" She says, "I just got my checkup and my doctor says I have the breasts of an eighteen-year-old." She starts laughing and jumping again. He says, "Yeah, right. And what did he say about your 45 year-old ass?" "Oh, your name never came up," she replied Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shannon Whisnant in Maiden, North Carolina Ghoul October 2, 2007 - Greenville, South Carolina - BBC John Wood's smoker was sold to Shannon Whisnant last week after he fell behind on payments at the storage facility in North Carolina where it was kept. He wants his leg back but Mr. Whisnant says he has a receipt for the smoker's contents and wants to share ownership. Mr. Wood's leg was amputated above the knee after a plane crash in 2004. He asked to keep the leg so he could be buried as a whole man when he died, and stored it at the facility in Maiden after losing his home. But when Mr. Wood failed to pay the necessary rental fees, the storage company auctioned the smoker and all its contents. After buying the smoker last Tuesday, Mr. Whisnant looked inside and found a man's leg wrapped in a wire screen. He initially gave the leg to the police, who concluded it had not been removed as a result of a crime and sent it to a funeral home until Mr. Wood could pick it up. But after making money by charging adults $3 (£1.47) and children $1 (49p) to look inside the empty smoker, Mr. Whisnant asked for it back. His request was refused by the funeral home, so he decided to try to persuade Mr. Wood to share custody and profits. "I told him I'd share custody of it..." Mr. Whisnant said. Mr. Wood, who now lives in Greenville, South Carolina, has insisted he is not interested in using the leg to make money and plans to travel to Maiden as soon as possible to reclaim it. "I just think it's despicable," he said. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/7024124.stm
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Sunday's sunset
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geo Re: McAfee malfunction Dear Webby: I disabled the McAfee email protection and was able to download my email. I also went to the McAfee and sent them a message. Geo Dear Geo Good! I hope McAfee will not be too snooty to reply to you. Usually they just quietly make a fix and never admit that they had screwed up. This problem did not seem to affect ALL Eudora users who got a McAfee update on Friday, but nobody else. If somebody does not have Eudora AND McAfee, they were not affected. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Texan walks into a pub in Ireland and clears his voice to the crowd of drinkers. He says, "I hear you Irish are a bunch of drinkin' fools. I'll give $500 American dollars to anybody in here who can drink 10 pints of Guinness back-to-back." The room is quiet and no one takes of the Texan's offer. One man even leaves. Thirty minutes later, the same Irishman, who left, shows back up and taps the Texan on the shoulder. "Is your bet still good?", asks the Irishman. The Texan says "Yes," and he asks the bartender to line up 10 pints of Guinness. Immediately, the Irishman tears into all 10 pints of beer, drinking them all back-to-back. The other pub patrons cheer as the Texan sits down in amazement. The Texan gives the Irishman the $500 and askes, "If ya don't mind me askin', where did you go for that 30 minutes you were gone?" The Irishman replies, "Oh... I had to go to the pub down the street to see if I could do it first."

Deeli's Kudos October 1, 2007 Sao Paulo, Brazil - AP A 51-year-old surrogate mother for her daughter has given birth to her own twin grandchildren in northeastern Brazil, the delivery hospital said. Rosinete Palmeira Serrao, a government health worker, gave birth to twin boys by Caesarean section on Thursday at the Santa Joana Hospital in the city of Recife, the hospital said in a statement on its Web site. Hospital officials were not available for comment on Sunday, but press reports said the grandmother and twins were discharged on Saturday in excellent health. Serrao decided to serve as a surrogate mother after four years of failed attempts at pregnancy by her 27-year-old daughter, Claudia Michelle de Brito. Brazilian law stipulates that only close relatives can serve as surrogate mothers. De Brito is an only child and none of her cousins volunteered, so Serrao agreed to receive four embryos from her daughter. http://www.happynews.com/news/1012007/w ... ildren.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy Tip Calculations Here's a trick for computing a 15% tip in your head. Start by calculating 10% of the bill and then add half. For example, if the bill is $24 dollars, a 15% tip would be $2.40 (10%) plus $1.20 (half of 15%), for a total of $3.60. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Bob for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all col- lapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apart- ment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots, the legs unscrew!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Thanks to Chris for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction, and that there was no scheduled stop for another hour."

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Dear Webby: Bad McAfee Update 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  October 7, 2007

Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead. --- Charles Bukowski
An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor. "Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night." "Have you tried counting sheep?" "That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it..."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman scanned the guests at a party and spotted an attractive man, standing alone. She approached him. "My name is Carmen," she told him. "That's a beautiful name," he replied. "Is it a family name?" "No," she replied. "I gave it to myself. It reflects the things I like most -- cars and men. What's your name?" she asked. He said, "Bob Titsenbeer"

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Thanks to Craig for this one: Like a lot of married men, I got the "You just don't appreciate me" speech once from Juanita. I promised to treat her royally for the remainder of the day. I took her to lunch at Burger King and Dairy Queen for dessert. She's never mentioned it since. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Ginevan of Bunker Hill, West Virginia Low Speed Chase October 3, 2007 - Martinsburg, West Virginia - AP A man accused of drunken driving tried to outrun the police but his vehicle wasn't up to the task. Michael Ginevan of Bunker Hill was driving a riding lawnmower on Runnymeade Road about a mile from his home when a Berkeley County sheriff's deputy attempted to pull him over. Ginevan, 39, allegedly sped away and Deputy J.H. Jenkins stopped his cruiser and gave chase on foot, according to magistrate court records. Jenkins caught up to the lawnmower after a short chase but Ginevan allegedly wouldn't stop so the deputy pulled him off the machine. Ginevan refused to take a field sobriety test and was arrested. Jenkins then found a case of beer strapped to the lawnmower's front, court records show. Ginevan was charged with fleeing while driving under the influence and obstructing an officer. He was being held Tuesday at the Eastern Regional Jail on $7,500 bond. http://www.sun-sentinel.com/news/custom ... 0491.story
Thanks to Dave for sending this picture: Some people are really fussy about deadines!
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Geo Re: Comcast Dear Webby: up until yesterday my Eudora 7.1.0.9 was working fine. I could send and receive emails via comcast.net AND gmail.com. Yestereday Eudora stopped receiving from comcast! Gmail still works for both send and receive. I tried to contact comcast support but all they could do was insist that they didn't support Eudora! Have you previously discussed anything like this? And can you help resolve this? Thanks - Geo Dear Geo As you probably have found out, it takes a positive IQ number to use and/or support Eudora. I am not surprised that Comcast admits that they don't quite qualify for that. Your Eudora problem may be connected to a bad McAfee update that went out yesterday. People from totally different countries and with totally different ISPs suddenly experienced exactly the same problem as you did. The only thing they all had in common was that they all used Eudora, and that it worked just fine until yesterday's McAfee update. Try contacting McAfee and see what they can do. By now they may have a fix to undo that bad update. It didn't affect all Eudora users, but I personally know a few who were affected exactly the same as you were. Before the Friday McAfee update their Eudora had worked flawlessly for many years, then after that update it stopped and did not latch on to POP servers any more. Please let me know what you find out from McAfee! Good luck! DearWebby
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Two kids were trying to figure out what game to play. One said, "Let's play doctor." "Good idea." said the other. "You operate, and I'll sue."

Deeli's Kudos September 20, 2007 - Fort Gratiot Township, Michigan - AP An insistent 6-year-old girl who spotted a buck falling into a 6-foot-deep window well at her first-grade teacher's home is being credited with helping to save the deer's life. On Wednesday afternoon, Abby Smith told teacher Linda Aho that the deer had fallen into a hole at Aho's St. Clair County home, which is located adjacent to Lighthouse Christian Academy's playground. Aho said she thought Abby was kidding, but the girl — who lives in nearby Burtchville Township — kept insisting and burst into tears when the students lined up to go inside and nobody had checked out her claim. ''I didn't believe her until she started to cry,'' Aho told the Times Herald of Port Huron. The school sent staff members to Aho's house, where they found the 80- to 100-pound buck. John Borkovich, an officer with the state Department of Natural Resources, and Jason Schultz, who drives a wrecker for Preferred Towing, soon arrived to help. Borkovich wrapped the deer in a blanket and rigged a harness. Schultz used the wrecker to hoist the buck out of the hole. The deer was disoriented, and Borkovich guided him into a nearby patch of trees. Mike DeLong, director of Lighthouse Christian Academy, said staff planned to show students pictures of the deer and let them know it was rescued. http://www.happynews.com/news/9202007/g ... e-deer.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Breaking Up a Dog Fight The best way to break up a dog fight is to throw water on the dogs. This will usually startle the dogs enough to stop the fighting. Breaking up a dog fight with your hands can be very dangerous as you are liable to get bit or scratched. In winter, when thawed out water may be hard to come by, gonging them with an empty plastic 5 gallon pail usually gets their attention, especially if it is the same pail that you use to feed them. It may look cruel, but is a lot better than letting them kill or injure each other. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

John and Mary were having dinner in a very fine restaurant. Their waitress, taking another order at a table a few paces away noticed that John was ever so slowly, silently sliding down his chair and under the table, while Mary acted quite unconcerned. Their waitress watched as John slid all the way down his chair and out of sight under the table. Still, Mary appeared calm and unruffled, apparently unaware that John had disappeared under the table. After the waitress finished taking the order, she came over to the table and said to the woman, "Pardon me, ma'am, but I think your husband just slid under the table." The woman calmly looked up at her and replied firmly, "Ah, no. That wasn't my husband. My husband just walked in the front door."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
There's this cathedral that's still being worked on, and the workers have rigged a "cage elevator" inside so they can get material up and down to the upper floors. A characteristic of these "cage elevators" is that the doors (gate) must be closed manually for them to be "called" to another floor. One day one of the workers, Peter by name, takes the elevator to the top floor, and it is subsequently needed on the first floor by the sexton. Unfortunately, Peter forgot and left the door open. After the sexton rings for the elevator a couple times, to no avail, he yells up for the worker to send the lift back down. Visitors to the cathedral were treated to this sight: The sexton of the cathedral, head tipped up, yelling to the heavens: "Peter! CLOSE THE GATE!!!"

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Dear Webby: Roll back from IE7 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  October 6, 2007

For every minute you are angry, you lose sixty seconds of happiness. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. --- Socratex We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped. --- Elbert Hubbard
A small guy is drinking beer and All of a sudden another punches him and says "Karate chop from Japan." The small guy gets up and moves away. The same guy comes again and throws him. He then says "Judo throw from China". The small guy goes out and is gone for an hour. He comes back, knocks the guy out, and tells the bartender "When he comes to, tell him that was a 24 inch pipe wrench from Sears."
Moshe Rosenberg is a new recruit in the British Army. One day an officer asked him "What is your name?" "Moshe Rosenberg" he replied. The officer responded "You must say 'Sir' when you answer an officer of the British Army. What is your name?" "Sir Moshe Rosenberg."

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I was attending an outdoor music concertwith a young woman I'd recently met. Standing at the back of the crowd, we wrapped our arms around each other, swaying to the music. After a particularly romantic song, my date turned to face me. With a loving smile, she said, "I wish we were closer..." Totally thrilled, I looked into her eyes and whispered, "Do you mean our houses or our philosophies?" Puzzled, she replied, "...to the stage." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the hospital in tebric, Czech Republic Sent in by Chuck Bar gossip leads to nasty surprise for couple Thu Oct 4, 2007 9:34am ET PRAGUE (Reuters) - A Czech couple who decided to take a DNA test to squash persistent pub gossip and prove that their 10-month-old baby was their own got a nasty surprise. The couple, from the southeastern town of Trebic, had some doubts about the child as her hair was blonde and they both had dark hair. Fellow drinkers' suspicions got on their nerves. But the test showed neither of the parents had the same DNA as the baby, Czech news agency CTK reported Wednesday, suggesting a mix-up at the hospital. Authorities are looking into the case.
Thanks to Dianne for forwarding this picture: Matterhorn
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: IE7 wow, Webby I read the explanation of how to remove Earthlink. Wish you could do the same with that stupid trial version of office 2007!!! I even wrote to MS and they gave me the same answer to go into add/remove, which doesn't work and I wrote back and told them that. They sent more gibberish. Now the list in my favorites have disappeared. I searched the MS online support and nothing is there. Am waiting for their reply to that question. I downloaded IE 7 several weeks ago - still trying to get used to it. What are your views on IE 7? Wendy Dear Wendy My views re IE7 are the same as my views about VISTA. I even carry an IE7 Blocker in my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools You can un-install IE7 and your old IE6 will re-surface. Then you can install that IE7 Blocker, so that stupid snake can't slither in during a security update. With Office, I would just switch to Open Office and get used to that. From what I read, the switch from MS-Office to Open Office is less hassle than upgrading from MS-Office 2003 to MS-Office 2007. Have FUN! DearWebby
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You're past your prime if you remember when a man going on a date brought flowers instead of the clothes he planned on wearing to work the next day.

Deeli's Kudos October 3, 2007 - Torrance, California - AP Mooning a police officer was community activist Steven Lee Myrick's undoing. Myrick, 41, was convicted by a jury Tuesday of raping a Hawthorne woman during a burglary seven years ago. The crime was unsolved until he exposed his bare buttocks years later and a DNA sample collected by officers linked him to the rape. Jurors deliberated less than a day before finding Myrick guilty of residential burglary and two counts of rape. He faces multiple life terms when sentenced Nov. 5 because jurors found true special allegations that a gun was used, the burglary was gang-related and the rape occurred during a burglary while the victim was tied up, Los Angeles Deputy District Attorney Jodi Link said. "Thank goodness for DNA," Link said. Defense attorney James Cooper wouldn't comment on the verdict. After Myrick was convicted of mooning officers outside his Watts housing project during a demonstration, he was required to submit a DNA sample for a law enforcement database. http://apnews.excite.com/article/200710 ... 4E3G0.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Mow Wet Grass Try to avoid mowing your lawn when it's wet. The clippings will stick to the blade and interior of the mower and will clog it. If you do mow grass when it's a little wet, spray the blade with some spray cooking oil (like Pam) to help prevent sticking. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

About the only thing a man can look down on and still heartily approve of is a low-cut dress.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Charlie was a regular visitor at the race track. One afternoon he noticed an unusual sight. Right before the first race, a Catholic priest visited one of the horses in the stable area and gave it a blessing. Charlie watched the horse race very carefully, and sure enough the blessed horse came in first! Charlie followed the priest before the next race, and again the priest went to the stables and performed a similar procedure. Charlie played a hunch and put a couple of dollars on the blessed horse. Sure enough, the blessed horse came in by two lengths and Charlie won close to fifty bucks! The priest continued the same procedure through the next few races and the horse won each time. So between races Charlie left the track and went to the bank to withdraw his life's savings, $20,000. The biggest race of the day was the last one. Charlie followed the priest and watched carefully which horse he blessed. He then went to the betting window and put his whole bundle of cash on that horse, to win. Then Charlie went out to watch the horses race. Down the stretch they came and as they crossed the finish line, the horse Charlie's fortune was bet on was far behind ... dead last! Charlie was crushed. He located the priest and told him that he had been watching him bless the horses which all became winners throughout the day. Charlie then asked, "What happened to the last horse which you blessed? Because of your failure on that last horse, I have lost my entire life's savings." "That's the trouble with you Protestants," sighed the priest, "you never could tell the difference between a blessing and the Last Rites."

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Dear Webby: Remove Earthlink Total Access 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  October 5, 2007

Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


"It is difficult to get a man to understand something when his salary depends upon his not understanding it." --- Upton Sinclair All that we are is the result of what we have thought. --- Buddha You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap. --- Dolly Parton I should warn you that underneath these clothes I'm wearing boxer shorts and I know how to use them." --- Robert Orben
They were burying Irish Pat today and the Irish Priest was explaining to the congregation that before they could put Pat to rest, someone had to get up and say something nice about Pat, even though Pat was a womanizer, a drunk and a fighter. No one got up. So the priest got up again and said,"Maybe I didn't explain me-self properly. Before we can put Paddy in his grave, one of you MUST get up and say something nice about the man. It's our duty as Irishmen and Catholics." So as the priest sat down again, Little Murphy in the back pew got up, cleared his throat, and with his porkpie hat in his hand said, "His brother was even worse!".
The story is told of a Russian named Ivanovich who visited the Moscow zoo for the first time. To his amazement, he found a little lamb sharing the cage with a big fierce bear. Ivanovich expressed surprise to his guide. The guide smiled and said, "That is peaceful coexistence." When Ivanovich shook his head in a doubtful way, the guide explained, "Of course, we have to put in a fresh lamb every morning..."

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A handsome young man walks into a chemist shop which is owned and run by two old spinster sisters. The man said to the two old women, "Every time I see a woman, I get the urge to hug and kiss her, and to make mad, passionate love. Is there anything you can give me for this?" The two old women whispered to each other for a moment, and then one of them replied, "My sister and I will give you $200 a week and the two-room flat above the shop." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Hugh Williams of triad, North Carolina October 2, 2007 - Greensboro, North Carolina - WSBTV A Triad man who was trying to rid his home of yellow jackets is now looking for a new place to live. Authorities said Hugh Williams first sprayed insecticide in a hole next to the house, but that didn't kill the bugs. He then stuck paper in the hole and lit it. The insecticide propellant, propane, caused a flame to shoot out of the hole against his house and all the way up the attic. The fire spread into the house and the attic, authorities said. "We certainly do not advocate the burning out of these insects, although it may work," said assistant Greensboro Fire Chief David Douglas. The family is safe, and no injuries were reported, but about $80,000 worth of damage was done to the home. Fire officials said the house has been condemned until repairs can be made. Williams did not want to be interviewed. http://www.wsbtv.com/news/14250002/detail.html
Thanks to Ross for this picture: Ross wants you to join his bike club and ride for daily exercise in fresh air.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucille Re: Earthlink Total Access Dear Webby, Recently, Earthlink or Embarq decreed that my email service would change. I was advised that Earthlink Access would no longer work. I tried to delete it. I think I partially succeeded, but now I have a window I cannot eliminate called Total Access Core Applications. I have pressed cancel, tried the escape key, tried alt F4... and of course, my problems all started when I went to the control panel and tried "ad/remove" I called Earthlink for help. I sat on hold for a half hour. A very kind lady named Stephanie kept coming on the line to assure me she was still trying to get me tech help. Finally, I talked to a guy from Bombay who gave me the number I had just called as a source of help. Do you have any ideas? Lucille Dear Lucille I went onto the Earthlink Support Live Chat, because my lack of patience with the phone support boneheads just leads to hostile and abusive language. Live text chat is instant, no waiting, and I have a log. They told me to tell you this and emailed me a log of the chat: 1) Click on Start --> 2) Run --> 3) Type regedit and click on Ok --> 4) You'll get the registry editor window --> 5) On the left hand side, you have a folder called HKEY_Current User - Click on the + sign next to the folder --> 6) Under that folder, you have software folder - click on the + sign next to that --> 7) Under the software folder, you have the EarthLink folder - right click on it and delete it --> 8) Compress all the folders by clicking on the ( -) sign --> 9) Click on the folder called HKEY_Local machine - Click on the + sign next to the folder --> 10) Under that folder, you have software folder - click on the + sign next to that --> 11) Under the software folder, you have the EarthLink folder - right click on it and delete it --> 12) Compress all the folders by clicking on the ( -) sign. 13) Close the window. 14) Restart the computer. I asked them if they have a single-click fix.reg file for accomplishing that, but she replied that they don't have anybody familiar enough with Windows to write one. Have FUN! DearWebby
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That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," Jill stated irately to Lin. "You didn't do it, did you?" asked Lin. "I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might add," Jill replied. "What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband that the rent is paid up for six months!"

Deeli's Kudos October 2, 2007 - Scottboro, Alabama - AP A Scottboro couple recently celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary, one of the longest marriages among living people when compared to reports in the 2007 Guinness Book of World Records. Alonzo, 97, and Beulah Sims, 94, celebrated their anniversary a day early Sunday at the nursing home where they have lived since May 2002. Without their families' approval, the two teens married in 1927, when he was working at a farm, plowing fields with a mule and picking cotton for 50 cents a day. The couple, who raised six children, credit their long lives to hard farm work and eating lots of vegetables. They moved frequently to find farm work, going from Paint Rock Valley near Garth to Atchley Bottom in Madison County and then to Woodville in the 1960s. They said their eight decades of marriage have been virtually free of fussing. "We've been too busy to fight," Beulah Sims said. Alonzo Sims retired from farming in 1966 and did janitorial work at Redstone Arsenal until 1972. They also operated service stations in Paint Rock and Woodville for a few years. Now, they spend their time visiting other residents at the nursing home, listening to gospel music, and playing bingo. "After all these years," he said, "I still enjoy being with her." http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5jtY2 ... wD8S1BFM02


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Baking Soda Make a paste of baking soda with water for a mild abrasive. You can use it instead of Comet or other abrasive cleaners for cleaning bathroom fixtures. It works well for cleaning spots off chrome and stainless steel. It can also be added to your laundry as a booster (1/2 cup should work). Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A gentleman goes to Africa and asks his tourist guide while walking in the jungle, "Are we safe here? Aren't there cannibals around here?" The tourist guide says, "Yes, it's safe. You can be sure there are no cannibals in Africa." The tourist replied, "But I heard there may still be some cannibals around here." The guide answered, "There are NO cannibals here. I'm sure. We ate the last one yesterday."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A woman was sick of her husband's drinking, so she decided to teach him a lesson. She dressed up like Satan, and when her husband returned home from another bender, she jumped out from behind the sofa and screamed. "You don't scare me," the man said, looking her over calmly. "I married your sister..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: US Postal Fundraising
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Open Office Compatibility 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  October 4, 2007

Tomorrow is Friday!
Wear something red to show your support for the troops!


It is not the size of a man but the size of his heart that matters. --- Evander Holyfield If only we'd stop trying to be happy we could have a pretty good time. --- Edith Wharton
Thanks to Vickey for this story: I had run across the term cyber sex a few times lately, so I decided to try to figure out what it meant. I figured it had something to do with the computer, so I tried to find the sex drive on mine. I looked everywhere, in all the folders on My Computer, the Add/Uninstall software, install hardware part of the control panel, then I got out all the manuals and went through them. I finally came to the conclusion that my computer is not equipped with one. So I decided to go to the computer store to see if I could buy one. Well, the salesperson in the first store was a rather stern looking woman. I gave her the make and model of my computer and asked her if she had any sex drives in stock. She kinda scowled at me and asked if I was trying to get smart with her. Then she said, rather rudely I thought, that she could not help me and walked away. Huh, must not have had any in stock. In the second store, the salesguy kind of sniggered and asked if I meant a hard drive. I thought about it for a minute and told him, 'Yeah, maybe that, but I think I already have one installed'. He started laughing and said something about me killing him. 'You're killing me' -- like that, and walked away. Hmmm, must be out of stock here, too. The guy in the third store laughed and asked me if I'd fallen off the turnip truck. I assured him I'd never been on a turnip truck but I had fallen off the wagon a few times. He said that explains it and walked away laughing. The guy in the fourth store said something like 'idiot' under his breath and walked away. Anyway, I figured they must not carry them in stores, maybe I have to order from a catalogue or something. That's where I am now. So, if any of you have some computer skills and could help me locate my sex drive, I would appreciate it.
Thanks to Ross for this story: A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant operated by a fellow cannibal. Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu... + Tourist: $5 + Broiled Missionary: $10.00 + Fried Explorer: $15.00 + Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00 The cannibal called the waiter over and asked, "Why such a price difference for the politicians?" The cook replied, "Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of BS, it takes all morning."

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Soon after our last child left home for college, my husband was resting next to me on the couch with his head in my lap. I carefully removed his glasses. "You know, honey," I said sweetly, "Without your glasses, you look like the same handsome young man I married." "Honey," he replied with a grin, "Without my glasses, you still look pretty good too!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Whipsnade Zoo in Bedfordshire, England Triggerhappy jerks Swptember 30, 2007 - London, UK - CNews A runaway chimp was shot dead after breaking out of his enclosure at an English zoo, his keepers said. Chimpanzees Jonnie and Coco broke out of their compound Friday morning at the Whipsnade Zoo in Bedfordshire, 55 kilometres north of London. The Zoological Society of London, which runs the zoo, said Coco was recaptured, but Jonnie could not immediately be caught and they decided he had to be killed. "It's just standard procedure, if the animal cannot be quickly and safely recaptured it will be shot," spokeswoman Alice Henchley said. Jonnie, an adult male, was gunned down by the zoo's specially trained firearms squad, Henchley said. She added that Jonnie and Coco's keepers were still trying to figure out how the chimps escaped. http://cnews.canoe.ca/CNEWS/WeirdNews/2 ... 88-ap.html ---------------- Bunch of stupid wimps! There was no need for that at all! See today's Kudo
The judge did not say HOW she had bring the car back.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Open Office Compatibility Dear Webby, Does Open Office work with Word o.k., opening attachments, and documents? Thank you for suggesting it. Ron Dear Ron yes, sure! It goes even further than WORD. You can make PDF files without having to shell out big bucks for Adobe. You can even pick up an MS-WORD doc, open it with OpenOffice and save it as a PDF file. Not everybody is stuck in the MS-Mud ! With more and more companies upgrading from MS-Office to Open Office or Star Office (Open office + Support package provided by SUN), the schools are again at the same spot where they were a dozen years ago, when they finally realized that very few of the students would encounter a school type Mac computer in real life after school. For industry and commerce the future is quite clear. Are you going to pay $500 + per seat for MS-Office, or get 15% MORE horsepower from Open Office for free ? For a 1000 employee company, that is a half Million Dollar question with a very predictable answer. Just like MS-Office has it's quirks and peculiarities, so does Open office. The switch is not quite "Same stuff, different color", but requires about the same amount of learning and adjusting as a version upgrade while staying with the same program. That is definitely no deterrent to switching. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Barbara and Nate, more than slightly hung over from last nights party, were having a mid-afternoon breakfast. What a party that had been! A real swinging affair, no holds barred. "Darling," said Nate "this is slightly embarrassing, but I think I should ask. Was it you I made love to in the library last night?" His wife was thoughtful for a moment and finally said: "About what time?"

Deeli's Kudos Moose takes a stroll through car dealership BROOMFIELD, Colo. (UPI) -- An auto dealership in Colorado had an unusual visitor cruise the aisles of automobiles -- an 800-pound moose. Eric Erbsland -- sales manager at the Sill-TerHar's Ford-Lincoln-Mercury dealership in Bloomfield -- said no one wanted to confront the animal after it was discovered lost among the cars last week, The Rocky Mountain News reported. "He started out at our service department, then ran all the way through, past every single new car, then pulled a U-Turn and ran right at us," said Erbsland. "That's when we ran." The moose eventually was stopped with tranquilizer darts and moved into a horse trailer -- with the help of a front-loader. Before the male yearling awoke, it was relocated to a park hundreds of miles away and was allowed to wander free. The moose had to cross several roads to get to the car dealership, the newspaper said. ----------------- What does a Ford-Lincoln-Mercury dealership use tranquilizer darts for, when there are no amorous moose around? To settle warranty disputes and calm down patrons after they see the repair bills?


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spices and Seasoning One of the keys to cooking from scratch is having a good supply of quality spices. Keep an eye open for sales or buy spices in large containers from a warehouse store or by weight in some health stores and refill your spice bottles. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Three guys are convicted of a very serious crime, and they're all sentenced to twenty years in solitary confinement. They're each allowed one thing to bring into the cell with them. The first guy asks for a big stack of books. The second guy asks for his wife. And the third guy asks for two hundred cartons of cigarettes. At the end of the twenty years, they open up the first guy's cell. He comes out and says, "I studied so hard. I'm so bright now, I could be a professor. It was terrific." They open up the second guy's door. He comes out with his wife, and they've got five new kids. He says. "It was the greatest thing of my life. My wife and I have never been so close. I have a beautiful new family. I love it." They open up the third guy's door, and he's slapping at his pockets, going "Anybody got a match?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
GROAN ALERT Thanks to Sharon for this: This was in the News yesterday. A Woman that lives in Galesburg was weed-eating her lawn. She accidentally cut off the tail of her favorite Cat. She rushed her Cat along with the tail over to the new Super Walmart! You might ask, why Walmart? Walmart is the largest reTAILER in town.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Ghost Stitchers
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: MS-Office conflict 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  October 3, 2007

The first telescope was demonstrated by Dutch lensmaker Hans Lippershey today in 1608.
A little girl was asked what she wanted most for her birthday and she declared: "A baby brother." "Daddy and I would like to give you a baby brother," said her mom, "but there isn't time before your birthday." "Why don't you do like they do down at Daddy's factory when they want something in a hurry -- put more men on the job?" said the little girl.
A hillbilly was making his first visit to a hospital where his teenage son was about to have an operation. Watching the doctor's every move, he asked, "What's that?" The doctor explained, "This is an anaesthetic; after he gets this he won't know a thing." "Save your time, Doc," exclaimed the man, "he don't know nothing now."

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An Irishman, an Italian, and a Polish guy are in a bar. The Irishman says, "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, back in Dublin, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!" Then the Italian says, "Yeah, that's a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. Over in Brooklyn, there's this place, Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy anudda drink, Vinny buys you anudda drink." Then the Polish guy says, "You think that's great? Where I come from, there's this place called Warshowski's. At Warshowski's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!" "Wow!" say the other two. "That's fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies the Polish guy, "but it happened to my sister!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Wayne Cadle, 19, South Charleston, WV Texting himself to jail September 21, 2007 - South Charleston, West Virginia - AP A man who thought he was asking a friend about a drug deal instead sent a text message to the state police and was arrested, authorities said. Joshua Wayne Cadle, 19, allegedly sent the message Wednesday to a phone number that used to belong to an unidentified friend. The number is now held by the State Police, Trooper B.H. Moore said Thursday. "He text messaged that and asked his friend if he wanted to buy some reefer," Moore said. Another trooper who received the message responded and set up a meeting. Moore arrested Cadle on Wednesday night in the parking lot of a shopping center in South Charleston. Cadle, of Cross Lanes, was charged with delivery of a controlled substance and possession with intent to deliver. He was being held Thursday in the South Central Regional Jail. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/ ... 4204.shtml
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wendy Re: MS-Office conflict Dear Webby Not sure if I have bothered you before with this problem or not. I downloaded a free trial version of MS Office 2007. A Gateway tech could not uninstall it, (he had remote control). They said the trial version was messing with the standard (non-trial) 2003 version I have, and that is why I cannot open certain attachments any more, i.e..dat,.doc or even pps. I was told I needed the 2003 disc which I don't have. Have tried to research removing 2007 office in MS (as told to do by MS tech) but can't find anything except something about Beta. Am very unsavy and it's hard for me to understand allot of the mumbo jumbo. Is there anything youcan do to help me? Hope I didn't confuse you!!! Love all your help and look forward to reading you newsletter every day. Wendy Dear Wendy Try to un-install that Beta If you can't, then you are stuck with buying either a 2003 or a 2007 CD. You probably won't get any useful help from Microsoft. They will assume that your 2003 is a copy pirated from a friend. They still think that they have no competition and act like they got you by the short and curly hairs. However, there IS competition. You can use Open Office: http://www.openoffice.org/ It is free, and has stuff that MS-Office doesn't have yet. Have FUN! DearWebby
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When I first started college, the Dean came in and said "Good Morning" to all of us. When we echoed back to him, he responded "Ah, you're Freshmen." He explained. "When you walk in and say good morning, and they say good morning back, it's Freshmen. When they put their newspapers down and open their books, it's Sophomores. When they look up so they can see the instructor over the tops of the newspapers, it's juniors. When they put their feet up on the desks and keep reading, it's seniors. When you walk in and say good morning, and they write it down, it's graduate students."

Deeli's Kudos September 2, 2007 - Gimundo Guide dogs may soon be searching the job pages for a new gig. There's a new guide in town helping to assist many blind people across the country – and this guide just happens to be a horse, of course. Due to a critical shortage of guide animals for the blind and visually impaired in the US, The Guide Horse Foundation was founded in 1999. The Foundation is an experimental program that helps train and place miniature horses as assistance animals. In early experiments, guide horses have shown great promise as a mobility option. The small horses have proven to be quite capable of keeping their people safe. These friendly horses may provide an alternative mobility option for blind people who have a dog allergy or phobia. Further, the guide horses are not easily distracted by crowds, possess an excellent memory, and have a uniquely docile nature. The guide horses also tend to live much longer than dogs, and cost less money to train. Mr. Ed would be proud. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... Guide_Dogs


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fireplace Match Replacement If you run out of fireplace matches use a long piece of spaghetti. Just light the spaghetti and use it as a match. Also works for lighting candles that have wicks that are tough to reach (like birthday candles). Spaghetti also works great for lighting gas furnaces if a storm or gas interruption extinguishes the pilot lights. I have used spaghetti for many years for that. You can get the flame right to the precise spot without singing your fingers. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Airman Johnson was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Johnson had almost a 100% record for insurance sales, which had never happened before. Rather than ask about this, the Captain stood in the back of the room and listened to Johnson's sales pitch. Johnson explained the basics of the GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said: "If you have GI Insurance and go into battle and are killed, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. If you don't have GI insurance, and you go into battle and get killed, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which bunch do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Thanks to Nina from Oz for this story: Neville the Aborigine had been out of work for a long time and when he was offered the job at the council as a garbage collector he decided to take it up. On his first day things were going great until he arrived at one house and noticed there was no wheelie bin out the front. Neville thought to himself, "I wanna do a good job and not get fired from here but if they find out I missed one house then I will get fired." So he went up to the door and knocked on it. To his surprise it was a fellow Aborigine who answered. Neville breathed a sigh of relief and said to the other bloke, "Where's ya bin?" The man replied, "I bin on 'olidays." Neville then said, "Na, mate, where's ya BIN?" "I bin on 'olidays I tell ya," was the reply. Neville, slightly frustrated, says, "Na, ya silly idiot. Where's ya Wheelie Bin?" The other bloke looked round to see who might be listening. "Well," he said. "I weally bin in jail but I'm tellin' everyone I bin on 'olidays, eh!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Get the Skinny on Your Town
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Dear Webby: Forward Flags 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  October 2, 2007

A proverb is a short sentence based on long experience. --- Miguel de Cervantes
Thanks to Connie for this story: Two guys are drinking in a bar. One says, “Did you know that lions have sex 10 to 15 times a night?” “Dang,” says his friend, “and I just joined The Elks!!”

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Thanks to Barry for this story: A female CNN journalist heard about a very old Jewish man who had been going to the Western Wall to pray, twice a day, every day, for a long, long time. So she went to check it out. She went to the Western Wall and there he was walking slowly up to the holy site. She watched him pray and after about 45 minutes, when he turned to leave, using a cane in a very slow fashion , she approached him for an interview. "Pardon me Sir, I'm Rebecca Smith from CNN, What's your name? "Maury Fishbein" he replied. "Sir, how long have you been coming to the Western Wall and praying?" "For about 60 years." "60 years! That's amazing! What do you pray for?" "I pray for peace between the Christians, Jews and the Muslims. I pray for all the Wars and hatred to stop, I pray for all our children to grow up safely as responsible adults, and to love their fellow man." "How do you feel after doing this for 60 years?" "Like I'm talking to a wall." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to Carol Anne Gotbaum, formerly of New York Submitted by Ross Anti-Houdini NEW YORK - The daughter-in-law of the city’s public advocate was found dead in a police holding cell in Arizona, where she had been taken in handcuffs after being arrested at an airport, authorities and relatives said. "We are extraordinarily upset," said Betsy Gotbaum, the city’s public advocate, in Sunday editions of the Daily News. She added that her daughter-in-law had three young children. "It’s a very delicate matter." Authorities were investigating if Carol Anne Gotbaum choked herself while trying to get free from the handcuffs. The 45-year-old New Yorker was arrested Friday after a conflict with gate crews who refused to allow her to board a plane, said Sgt. Andy Hill, a Phoenix police spokesman. The airline said the plane was already preparing to depart. She was rebooked on the next flight, but "she became extremely irate, apparently running up and down the gate area," US Airways spokesman Derek Hanna said Saturday. Officers handcuffed her and took her to the holding room, where she continued her screaming, authorities said. Hill said officers checked on her when she stopped screaming and found her unresponsive. Hill said it appears Gotbaum may have tried to get out of her handcuffs, became tangled in the process and the cuffs ended up around her neck. A cause of death will be determined by the Maricopa County Medical Examiner. "She was very agitated and irate and angry," Hill said. "These are the things that led to the disorderly conduct arrest." Authorities said neither a Taser nor pepper spray was used on the woman. ---------------------- Now THAT takes real talent. I wonder if anybody else has ever succeeded in killing themsleves that way?
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Martin Re: Forward marks Sorry about all the forward marks that will likely appear. It's the biggest problem I have with Thunderbird. Anything I try to drag into a new email (or drag it up in the original) leaves only a blank outline with a red dot in the upper left corner. That's what I miss about my old NS 4.8 more than anything. ;-( Martin Dear Martin Go to my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools and look for this icon: With the Strip program you can strip all the AOL flags off any text. Highlight the text that you want to forward, CTRL C Jump to Strip CTRL V Ctrip Copy Close and you are back in the email program. CTRL V to paste and you got text as clean as if you had written it yourself. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The census taker knocked on the lady's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly." he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are." she snapped. The census taker simply wrote on the form, "As old as the Hills.."

Deeli's Kudos September 26, 2007 - New York Times Just one laptop for $399 sounds like a pretty crazy deal – but did you ever imagine you could buy two computers for that rock-bottom price? Yes, it's for real. But before you start wondering what you'll do with two brand-new laptops, don't get too attached: Only one computer is yours to keep or donate to a local school or charity. The other laptop will be given as a tax-deductible donation to a child in a developing nation, through a new program called "Give 1 Get 1." The new brand of laptop computers, called XO Laptops, are specially designed for children, with built-in cameras and peer-to-peer technology that allows kids around the world to chat with one another. They are also extremely durable, which should keep them from falling apart during the bumpy rides to the rural villages where they'll be delivered. Want to buy a couple of computers for a good cause? Visit the organization's website, http://laptop.org.


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at tenempress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pay Yourself First We have direct deposit and our credit union will automatically transfer a set amount of money each pay period to our savings account. At first it hurt a little but now we don't even think about it. It's like another bill we pay except it's to ourselves! By Cheryl Many companies also have a payroll deduction savings plan with better interest, than you get downtown. Definitely worth checking out! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice. After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer, "What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice when you're out of the office?" "I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try. The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a bill from the lawyer.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man will pay $2 for a $1 item, if he wants it. A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want because it's on sale. A woman worries about he future until she gets a husband. A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife. A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find that man. To be happy with a man you must understand him a lot and love him a little. To be happy with a woman you must love her a lot and don't expect to understand her at all. Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die. Any married man can forget his past mistakes, there's no reason for two people to keep track of the same things. A woman marries a man expecting him to change, and he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting her not to change and she does. A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Seville, one of the oldest cities of Spain:
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Dear Webby: Fire Station 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 1, 2007

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. --- Joan Rivers The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor
Thanks to Patricia for bringing back this classic: Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'."

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Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't." The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lutheran pastors in Sweden Sexist September 22, 2007 - Stockholm, Sweden - AFP Brides in Stockholm who want their fathers to walk them down the aisle are likely to be told it can't be done, as some pastors are refusing to allow the practice they say is sexist, a pastor said on Friday. "In Sweden we have worked hard in many different ways to eliminate everything that is unequal," a Lutheran Church vicar in the Stockholm region, Yvonne Hallin, told AFP. She said she would not allow the custom in her parish, and noted that Stockholm's bishop issued a recommendation in 2003 that pastors discourage it. Hallin said she has informed a father who was to walk his daughter down the aisle on Saturday that he would not be doing so. The mother of the bride, who was shocked by the news, told Swedish news agency TT that the ceremony would go ahead as planned but that the couple had had to give in to the pastor's wishes. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/070921/o ... ge_offbeat
Thanks to Wendy for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allison Re: MSN voting problem Hello from South Australia. I am a complete novice at computing and am hoping you can help me out. When I try to vote for your great newletter my email programme closes down when I try to type in my email address. A sign comes up and says a malfunction has occured. Do you know what can be causing this as I would love to vote for you? Thanks in advance. Love, Allison Dear Allison You will have to ask MSN support about that. I don't know anything about MSN, and have not heard from any other MSN users having that problem. Sorry, can't help you there! Good Luck DearWebby
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A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one."

Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2007 - Seattle, Washington - Seattle PI The man at the back of the Metro bus was older, wore glasses and apparently drew the attention of a group of gang members who reportedly began harassing him. But when one of them tried to take the man's glasses, he pulled a knife and fought back, Seattle police said. "He began swinging at his attackers in self-defense," spokeswoman Renee Witt said. When the melee was over, four of the teens had cuts, including some with superficial cuts to their buttocks, and one had a dislocated shoulder. The man was not hurt. The incident began about 11:15 p.m. on a northbound bus traveling along Rainier Avenue South, Witt said. The five teens boarded near Rainer Beach High School, having attended a football game there, she said. Police reports described the teens as known to officers and active members of a local gang. Officers called to the bus after the fight initially believed the wounded teenagers were the victims, until other passengers aboard the bus told officers that it was the teens who started the disturbance. All were treated at the scene by Seattle Fire Department medics and released to their parents, Witt said. The man was interviewed and released; his knife taken as evidence. Detectives on Monday expect to review videotape of the fight captured on cameras mounted in the bus, Witt said. Charges are likely to be filed against at least some of the teens, Witt said, but that decision rests with the King County Prosecutors Office. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/333 ... ource=mypi


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy The Right Grade, Not the Most Expensive You don't need to buy the highest priced gasoline. Most cars are built to run on regular unleaded. Check your owners manual or consult a mechanic. I have had many tell me that the more expensive gas is a waste of money. That is correct! The octane rating is just the ping rating, and except during very hard and sporty driving or towing a trailer uphill, totally irrelevant. If your engine does not ping during normal driving, then there is no need to buy gas with a higher octane rating. Under normal conditions, power, performance and efficiency depend only on how many calories or BTU's you get per Liter or Gallon. That is the same for both types of gas, even in the rare cases where they actually have separate tanks, not just separate filler hoses. If you are concerned about keeping the engine clean, run it hot, in the upper third of "Normal", at least once per month. Because of slow traffic and radiators made to be good enough for Texas, you may need a piece of cardboard to restrict the air flow to the radiator. Keep an eye on the temperature gauge and remove the cardboard if the temperature goes into the red. Also check the radiator fluid regularly. Proper engine temp is more important than any gasoline additives. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Dianne for this story: 50 years ago, the Dodgers left Brooklyn for LA... From that first game in LA I remeber this: It was the first year the Dodgers played in L.A., 1958, and it was a beautiful Spring Friday when my father showed up at 10:00 in the morning and took me out of school to go see the game. As we were pulling away from the school, my father spots a priest walking across the playground. He tells me to go ask the priest if we can get a dispensation to eat hot dogs instead of fish today. So I jump out of the car and run over to the priest and ask him. He wrinkles his forehead and it looks like he's reviewing canonical law in his head. Finally he looks down at me and says, "I think getting out of school is enough dispensation for one day." So I tell my father this and he just grunts and nods and begins to pull away again, but as he pulls up even with the priest, he stops the car and rolls down his window. Then he leans out and says, "Any man who wouldn't let a little kid have a hot dog at the ballpark is a jerk!" I was aghast. I was certain my father had just committed a mortal sin, at the least, and that if he didn't confess his immortal soul would be in jeopardy. "Dad!" I exclaimed, "he's a PRIEST!" "Oh, excuse me," my father says, then he rolls down his window again and calls out, "Father Jerk!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely. He puts a cell phone in their hands.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightbulb Sculpture
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Dear Webby: Windows CardCare 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 30, 2007

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. --- Scott Adams
From Bill Re: wireless internet Tell them to check into "Clearwire" (www.clearwire.com), a lot of areas have it now. As for cellphone based internet, if she is in an area where the "3G" network is (AT&T for one), it has quite satisfactory speeds. Bill From John Re: Wear something red on Friday to show your support of the troops Suggestion: Mention this on Thursday instead of Friday. For me, and probably many others, I am already dressed for the day when I get your reminder on Friday and it is inconvenient for me to go back and change clothes. John Birch Will do! DearWebby

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+ The Catholic Glossary + -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Tennessee Lottery Commission Win, Win, Win! September 22, 2007 - Nashville, Tennessee - UPI The Tennessee Lottery decided to make good on two sets of numbers after broadcasting the wrong ones as winners. The recent glitch cost the state about $25,000, The (Nashville) Tennessean reported. It was the third foul-up in the month since the lottery switched from numbers generated by pop-up balls to computer-generated numbers. In the most recent mistake, an employee pushed the wrong button, sending a test-run to television stations instead of the real winners. Lottery officials quickly corrected the error. In earlier mistakes, misprinted tickets almost doubled the size of the Powerball jackpot from $15 million to $29 million and in August a programming error kept certain numbers from being drawn. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-236505-749172
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Birds of Paradise! This one bloomed today.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lori Re: Windows CardCare Dear Webby. Hi--sure do enjoy your newsletter. I have a question I hope you can answer. In my control panel, a new program is showing up called Windows CardCare. I did not install it, and it does not show up in the installed programs list. I have run 4 different spyware programs, and it does not show up. When I mouse over the program icon, it says "Manage Information Cards used to log on and register with Websites and online services". When I right click it, it gives 4 options: open,cut,create shortcut and delete. When I hit the delete, it asked if I wanted to remove the icon. When I tried to open it(yes, stupid of me, I know), it froze up my computer and I had to do a hard reboot to get out of it. I looked it up on google and other search engines, and can't find anything. Do you have any idea what it is, can I remove it, and if so, how? Thank you so much for any help you can give me. Lori Dear Lori I could not find anything about "Windows CardCare" either, not even at Microsoft. While it is entirely possible that it is some kind of wanna-be imitation of RoboForm, or pretending to be, I personally would not trust a program acting like malware and not having a legitimate and complete un-install facility. If I encountered something that I did not install and could not get rid off, I would back up the data and format the machine. However, I will post this and see if somebody else has heard about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."

Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2007 - Scottsdale, Arizona - Happy News Phoenix's Sunnyslope Youth Center will get a makeover on Sept. 28, when volunteers from Henkel North America in Scottsdale, which markets brands like Renuzit(R) air fresheners, Dial(R) soap, and Purex(R) laundry detergents, visit to lend a helping hand to the center. The Youth Center specializes in offering Hip Hop, Break Dancing, Ballet Folklorico and mural arts classes to youth ages 12 to 18. More than 20 employees from Henkel will team up with volunteers from Sunnyslope, as well as Keep Phoenix Beautiful, an affiliate of Keep America Beautiful, the nation's largest volunteer-based community action and education organization, to help clean and refurbish the center. The Sunnyslope outreach is an extension of the beautification work Henkel volunteers from Scottsdale will be doing earlier in the week in Gainesville, Texas, a community selected in a recent national contest. Both visits are part of Henkel's celebration of Friendship Day, which marks the company's founding on Sept. 26, 1876, in Germany. http://www.happynews.com/news/9202007/s ... g-hand.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Jumping on The Mattress While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress. It can also be dangerous. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Richard said he had a hat that says, "For sale- Ex Wife. Take over payments." Leo said, "It was all going OK until we split the house. Seems I got the OUT-side."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cowboy Country
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Wireless Broadband Internet 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 29, 2007

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this....true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."
Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this classic: Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumour. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

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"Uh Oh!" said an ardent young man reading a letter. His friend, standing near him, said, "Bad news?" "Disturbing news, anyway," said the young man. "It's from someone who says if I don't stay away from his wife, he'll kill me." "In that case, if I were you, I would stay away from his wife." "Gladly, but who? The letter is anonymous." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yuniel Falcon of Broward County, Florida False Alert September 20, 2007 - Pompano Beach, Florida - AP Broward County authorities now say the man who said a 10-year-old boy was missing lied to detectives. Yuniel Falcon said he was in a car with his stepson, Louis Gonzalez, when two men approached the vehicle on the street. Falcon claimed he had just left a bank when an armed suspect forced him out of the car and drove off with the boy still in the vehicle. An Amber Alert was issued for the child, but a sheriff's office spokesman says Falcon "made it all up." The spokesman says the story about a carjacking was fabricated and Falcon invented the missing child to cover up an illicit transaction involving money that was owed or a possible scam. Falcon faces charges for making a false report and interfering with an investigation, the sheriff's office said. Other charges are pending. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/14159959/detail.html

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby. I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet. Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get herself a land line. Return Key: With electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Some silly bozos call the BackSpace key a "Return key". That is usually due to too much booze and/or dope and not remembering that the phrase is supposed to be: To return to the previous page, hit the Backspace key. By the way, in the really old days, before electric typewriters, you had to slap the carriage to return it to the right. That led to a few hilarious moments when typists switched to Wang Word Processors, IBM DisplayWrite or PCs, as you can see in this movie that Noella sent me today. Return! Have FUN! DearWebby
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An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops - in shock. "What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!" The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news." His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in that paper???" "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood -- see? It's all *good* news!"

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Japan - AP Tomoji Tanabe was born Sept. 18, 1895, and was named the world's oldest living male after the death of a Puerto Rican man who died in January at the age of 115. The mayor of Tanabe's hometown presented the elder with a bouquet and a letter of congratulations. A former city land surveyor who lives with his son and daughter-in-law, Tanabe is in good health and is known to guzzle milk. He also keeps a diary, avoids alcohol and does not smoke. Japan has one of the world's longest average life spans, a factor often attributed to a healthy diet rich in fish and rice. http://www.wftv.com/family/14143039/detail.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Jumping on The Mattress While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress. It can also be dangerous. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What she said instead was "Watch out, here comes another one!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Huntington Railroad Society
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Dear Webby: Install the phone 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 28, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. --- Andy Warhol
Smith was seated comfortably in his living room one evening when a rock crashed through the window and landed at his feet, amidst a shower of splintered glass. To the rock was attached a note: "Unless you pay us $10,000 according to instructions, we will kidnap your wife." After some thought, Smith sat down at his desk and penned a reply: "Gentlemen, Your rock of this date has been received. I don't have $10,000 at this time. However, keep in touch, as your proposition interests me..."
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it..."

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A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Henry Ledwik, 31, of Calhoun County, Alabama Gun Nut Man arrested for having rocket launcher The Associated Press | Thursday, Sep 27 2007 1:50 PM Last Updated: Thursday, Sep 27 2007 1:50 PM A 31-year-old man was arrested Tuesday by federal agents and sheriff's officials acting on a tip that the convicted burglar had a rocket launcher. Paul Henry Ledwik was arrested without incident on a felon in possession of firearms warrant issued by a federal judge in Corpus Christi. He was being held in the Aransas County Jail, awaiting transfer to a federal court appearance in Corpus Christi, officials said. Jail officials did not make Ledwik available for comment. They didn't have information on whether Ledwik had an attorney. Calhoun County Sheriff B.B. Browning said he notified federal agents about the rocket launcher after hearing about it from someone who saw it in Ledwik's apartment. "It's a shoulder firearm, a one-time rocket launcher," federal agent Rick Miller said in a story for Wednesday editions of the Victoria Advocate. "You use it once and throw it away. To my knowledge, there's no way to reload it. It wouldn't fire again." Members of the Sheriff's Office SWAT team and ATF agents seized the launcher, four rifles, a handgun and several boxes of ammunition. Browning said Ledwik is "a man who loves guns and loves to hunt, but he's not supposed to be doing it. He can't even get a hunting license, but he hunts anyway. I have no idea where he gets the guns." Ledwik has served prison time for 10 convictions of burglary in Calhoun County, officials said.

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Lee Re: Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving your newsletter for some time now. I am registered under ...@alphalink.com.au. Early this year I changed over to a broadband connection and change to ...@netspace.net.au. For about six months I received the newsletter at this address but then it suddenly stopped coming in. I reverted back to the alphalink address and that one works. However that account is about to expire this week and I need to get it back through the netspace account. I have been through everything I can think of. I have your email address in my address book, I have double checked all my junk mail settings to make sure your address didn't get entered by mistake and I have also added you to the white list in my netspace site. But I still can't get the newsletter on the netspace address. Can you suggest anything else? I know I can just go to your website and read it there but I would still like to get it sent to me direct as I enjoy reading your newsletter very much. And I just love the pictures that you send with it especially the cactus flowers from your dad. Hoping you can help, Regards Susan Lee Dear Susan Lee Your Humor Letter gets INTO the netspace server. Once it is in their server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You will have to screech a temper tantrum at the boneheads, and may have to threaten dire consequences. Here is some ammo that you can use: The Dear Webby Humor Letter is "The Good Example" for legitimate newsletters: The Dear Webby Humor Letter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, it has a privacy policy listed, it has FULL contact information listed, it is sent to double-opt-in verified subscribers only, it has click-on un-subscribe links, it shows the subscriber which of their addresses is subscribed, it has an on-line copy ( at http://webby.com/humor ), it is sent from a company that has never spammed, it is sent from a server that has never been used for spamming, it is sent from a hosting system that does not allow spamming, it has consistent, never changing headers. it is family safe. webby.com 64.237.99.19 is not in ANY RBL blacklist: http://www.dnsstuff.com/tools/ip4r.ch?ip=64.237.99.19 The Humor Letter always has these lines in the header: From: humor@webby.com Reply-To: humor@webby.com Those lines have not changed in 11 years and can be used for white-listing With the Listed Sender ID, even the excuse, that spammers may have forged a Webby address as their sender address, falls flat. In summary, there is absolutely NO legitimate reason or excuse for ANY spam complaint regarding the DearWebby Humor Letter or any mail from webby.com, and any complaint only discredits the complainer. Any failure to deliver or bounce only proves the incompetence of the recipient's mail service. Good Luck DearWebby
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Thanks to Vickey for this one: "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."

Deeli's Kudos September 21, 2007 - Sichuan Province, China - Gimundo If you're single, you may think it's hard to meet that special someone – but you've still got it way better than wild pandas in China do. After all, the 600 pandas in China's Sichuan Province can't meet up at bars or coffee shops. They probably can't hack it at Match.com, either. And these days, even crossing paths in the jungle can be problematic. Since the 1950s, the pandas' mountainous territory has been divided in two by a major highway. As if that isn't enough of a p itfall, the poor animals also have the high waters of the nearby river to contend with. "The pandas want to find a mate, but they can't cross the river. In the south part, the pandas cannot communicate with each other, because the landscape is fragmented," biologist Yin Kaipu told Australia's Daily Telegraph. Luckily, scientists have finally come up with an innovative way to bring the lovelorn pandas from the North and the South together again. Their solution? A special bamboo-filled "dating and mating lane" that links the two disparate regions. Sure, the new bamboo corridor may not be as classy as the restaurant your last date took you to – but as far as the pandas are concerned, it's got a special ambiance of its own. If nothing else, it provides them with the perfect opportunity to mingle with the opposite sex – which should go a long way towards keeping this amazing species alive and thriving for many years to come. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... red_Pandas


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checkout Surprise Tired of being surprised by the total when you get at the checkout? Carry a small calculator and keep a running total as you go through the store. It eliminates the surprise (or shock) of hearing the total from the checker and also makes it easy to stick to your grocery budget. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cornstarch
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Dear Webby: When to format and start over 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 27, 2007

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about. ---Albert Einstein
Two old men were comparing their sex lives. First Guy ­ "I can still do it twice!" Second Guy ­ "Impressive, which time is best?" First Guy ­ "I think the winter..."
There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!" The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife nothing!!!" They both look at him and asked how he managed that! The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?" She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!"

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The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." With a fair bit of doubt in her voice, she replied: "I hope you continue feeling that way after my mother moves in with us tomorrow." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrei Shcherbakov, 15, Perm, Russia Teen survives ride in jet wing From correspondents in Moscow September 27, 2007 10:30am A 15-YEAR-old Russian boy suffered acute frostbite after riding the wing of a Boeing-737 plane on a 1300km two-hour flight. With temperatures hitting minus 50C and the plane at a cruising speed of 900km/h, the teenager Andrei Shcherbakov collapsed onto the tarmac when the plane landed. He had clung on for the entire flight from Perm in Russia's Ural region to Vnukova Airport in Moscow. His arms and legs were so severely frozen that rescuers were at first unable to remove his coat and shoes. He was taken by ambulance to hospital where doctors are trying to save his hands. When he awoke, Andrei told police that he had decided to run away from his alcoholic father and their home in Perm. He went to his grandmother's house and had dinner before telling her that he was going to spend the night at his friend's house, who had a birthday. Instead, the boy took a taxi and went to the airport. "I had some money with me. I just wanted to take a look at the planes. I was wandering about the territory of the airport and saw a hole in its fence," he said. "I sneaked in and approached a big plane. It was already dark and no-one saw me. I didn't know what to do next. "Eventually, I decided to climb up the landing gear into the wing. When I was in, I sat down there on a tyre and fell asleep." The boy said he woke up when the plane was flying. "I got so scared and fainted. I don't remember what was happening afterwards. They told me later that I had spent about two hours at the height of 10,000 meters at very low temperatures. I came to my senses again when the plane had already landed. I got down on the runway and collapsed. I could not control my legs and it was very cold," he said. Airport workers saw the teenager falling down on the ground from the hull of the plane. He was taken to hospital in a half-conscience state. When at the hospital, he complained his hands were burning. Moscow's air and water transport control department said the boy's parents were immediately informed when he fell to the runway tarmac and his mother Olga flew to the capital the same day, Saturday. Mrs Shcherbakov arrived in Moscow and took her son back home to Perm because the family could not afford the expensive hospital treatment. A doctor from the Perm hospital, where the boy is staying at the moment, said that the tissue of the boy's hands started dying away, which may make surgeons amputate both hands. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22 ... 62,00.html
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chaloots Re: Windows malfunction Dear Webby, ....But I'm unable to vote or open any of Diane's pages. My arrow goes on the open part then turns into a small hand, but when I click on them nothing happens ...they don't open up. Any ideas ??? Also I have recently hooked up with Roadrunner last July, and have had trouble everyday since. When I open it asks for my name & password. I type it in but it wont take my password, so I have to change it. I wouldn't mind once in awhile but every day.. Even if I go to a different page with out closing it, I return and it wont take my pass word again. So I have to do the above mention again. I have had 2 men come to my home and set me up, but the following day it starts all over again. Got me stumped......................... any suggestions ???? Would appreciate a reply when ever you get a chance. Sincerely, Chaloots Dear Chaloots If my computer acted THAT weirdly, I would format it and re-install everything, or sell it and get a new one. Good Luck DearWebby
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A newly married couple went to a family picnic at his parent's house, and the new wife was doing her best to learn the names of brothers, sisters, cousins, and all of the associated wives, husbands and children. However, there was one guy there that she just couldn't keep straight in her mind, no matter what she tried. Finally, he bailed her out, telling her his name was Dick. "Of course!" she said quickly, without thinking. "How could I ever forget? You even *look* like a Dick!"

Deeli's Kudos A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so he complained to the butcher. "Don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Packed Lunches All four of my kids take packed lunches. To save money on the snacks that go in, I buy big bags of chips, cheeses, whatever, and bargain sandwich bags, then pack the snacks in them. I also make my own peanut butter crackers too, with saltines or Ritz-type. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the Army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren...

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Goofy Cats
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Dear Webby: Vista Mail Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 26, 2007

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done. --- Marie Curie
From Jai: Dear Webby, Just wanted to tell you I snagged that hard drive for $35. + $19.95 shipping. So for $55. I have a great photo keeper. Thanks to you and your timely information. So here is another joke for you: A city slicker was driving too fast when he came over a hill and encountered a flock of chickens in the middle of the country road. He slammed on the brakes and scattered the flock, but ran over the rooster. Wanting to do the right thing, he stopped at the farmhouse to report what had happened. When the old farmer came to the door, the motorist confessed, "I just ran over your rooster, but I'm willing to replace him". "Fine", said the farmer. "Let me hear you crow". Jai...>^.^<...
Thanks to Unc Wes for this one: ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alejandro Valencio in Evansville, Indiana Has not gotten the hint yet September 20, 2007 - Evansville, Indiana - AP Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue an intoxicated man who became stuck while trying to climb down a chimney into the residence of his former girlfriend. Alejandro Valencio said he was drunk when he got into the chimney about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday. "Everyone does stupid things sometimes when they're drunk," he said. Firefighters requested assistance from police after arriving because they said Connie Deweese was hampering the rescue effort by blocking the fireplace. "I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die," said Deweese, who received misdemeanor citations for disorderly conduct and interfering with a firefighter. Deweese said she had known Valencio for about eight months but had told him to stay away from her residence. She said she locked the doors but "somehow he got to the roof." Valencio returned to the residence after being treated at a hospital and was filmed by a local TV station as Deweese hit him with a garbage can and pelted him with bottles. "Get off my porch, and don't you ever come back here," she yelled. Valencio said he had a job and would help pay for the damages incurred from his rescue. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070920/D8RP58M80.html

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: Vista mail Dear Webby, I need your help.I have a new computer which we bought about two months ago.It has windows vista on it.I'm using Inetrnet Explorer as my browser.I have one email that I cannot delete.I restored my comp. thinking that would help. It didn't.When I try to delete it a message comes up and says,message could not be read,windows mail encountered an unexpected problem while displaying this message. Check your comp. for low memory or low disk space and try again.I shouldn't have low disk space.Have hardly used anything on it.I have a 320 GB hard drive.Hopefully you can help. Thanks, Rita T Dear Rita That is one of the reasons I still recommend to stick with XP and wait with Vista until it works properly. In your case, it looks like Vista broke the email database by deleting part of a message, and not deleting it's listing from the index. If you stick with Vista, you'll have to get used to that. You can try finding that semi-deleted message in the trash and undeleting it. It might be a waste of time, but there is a small chance that the index will latch up again and list it properly. Then you can delete it again and hopefully this time it will do it properly. Good Luck DearWebby
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A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here."

Deeli's Kudos September 13, 2007 - China - Daily Mail They're an odd couple in every sense but a monkey and a pigeon have become inseparable at an animal sanctuary in China. The 12-week-old macaque, who was abandoned by his mother, was close to death when it was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province. After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon. The blossoming relationship helped to revive the macaque who has developed a new lease of life, say staff at the sanctuary. Now the unlikely duo are never far from each other's side, but they aren't the only ones to strike up an unusual friendship. Earlier this year a pig adopted a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets because his mother couldn't feed him. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1811

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hiring Movers If you are hiring movers, be sure to ask them what their insurance covers before packing anything yourself. Quite often, they will only cover boxes that they have packed. Unless you want to use the move as an opportunity to sort what to keep and what to toss, let the movers do the packing. They don't get emotional over items you thought you had lost, and they know how to pack stuff quickly and efficiently and safely. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: Judy came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World Postage Stamps
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Dear Webby: USB hard drives 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 25, 2007

There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening. --- Marshall McLuhan The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter of factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Thanks to Vickey for this story: A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly....." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."

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A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?" "Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. "So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?" "Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matt Wilkinson, 23. of Portland, Oregon Dumber than a snake September 19, 2007 - Portland, Oregon - AP Snake collector Matt Wilkinson of Portland grabbed a 20-inch rattler from the highway near Maupin, and three weeks later, to impress his ex-girlfriend, he stuck the serpent in his mouth. He was soon near death with a swollen tongue that blocked his throat. Trauma doctors at the Oregon Health and Science University saved his life. "You can assume alcohol was involved," he said. Actually, not just beer. It was something he called a "mixture of stupid stuff." It happened at a barbecue with friends. Wilkinson, 23, had downed a six-pack and his ex-girlfriend asked him for a beer. He handed her one, not realizing the snake was also in his hand. "She said, 'Get that thing out of my face,"' Wilkinson said. "I told her it was a nice snake. 'Nothing can happen. Watch."' So he stuck the snake in his mouth. "It got a hold of my tongue," he said. He was having breathing problems when his ex-girlfriend drove him to the hospital. "She was the only one sober," Wilkinson said. En route, they spotted a police car and asked for help. The Poison Control Center sees about 50 people a year with snake bites, usually hikers. Wilkinson, who works in construction, has yet to return to work. His three Western diamondback rattlers have been removed from his home. http://www.kirotv.com/irresistible/14150897/detail.html
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: USB Hard drive on eBay Dear Webby This is a url to ebay, where I went just looking at usb harddrives. Is this what you mean by one? Others are over $100., this is $19.98& S&H. I have gazzillions of photos on my pc and do not want to cram my new lappie with them, so your info about a usb harddrive was right on time for me. EXTERNAL 60GB POCKET SIZE PORTABLE USB 2.0 HARD DRIVE Jai Dear Jai Yes, that looks right. I have a few of those, and they all work fine. Keep in mind that is not a "Buy Now" fixed price, but just where the auction is at right now. As it gets closer to cut-off, people will probably bid it up to around $60 - $70. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Cookie for this: Before Marriage - - - She: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. He: Do you want me to leave She: HELL NO! Don't even think about it. He: Do you love me? She: Of course! Over and over! He: Have you ever cheated on me? She: HELL NO! Why are you even asking? He: Will you kiss me? She: Every chance I get! He: Will you hit me? She: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! He: Can I trust you? She: Yes. He: Darling! After marriage --- - - - simply read from bottom to top !!

Deeli's Kudos September 20, 2007 - Nairobi, Kenya - Gimundo In Kenya's capital, Nairobi, you can identify the city's largest shantytown, Kibera, by its pungent stench. Dirty diapers, rotten food, medical waste – Kibera's residents are forced to wade through the thick mass of debris and filth on a daily basis. Unfortunately, they have no alternative: The area doesn't have the money for a waste-disposal service. However, it looks like a new United Nations-sponsored project will do wonders for getting the trash out of Kibera – and it'll help the locals put dinner on the table, too. Confused? Don't worry – it's all perfectly hygienic. The United Nations team has purchased a large incinerator, which is capable of burning large quantities of the village's trash heap at once. As the garbage burns, residents can use the heat from the flames to boil water and to cook meals – a rare opportunity in an area where many have never eaten a hot meal before. As an added bonus, the new program even provides jobs to hundreds of local youths, who are paid to gather trash from the streets as fuel for the incinerator. Kibera may never be the greenest of neighborhoods, but the new program is already making a notable difference in an area long known for its awful pollution. "What the stove has done is basically to make rubbish into something you can use," the United Nations Environmental Program chief Achim Steiner told AFP News. The UN hopes to expand the program into other African slums in the coming years. But for now, at least, the residents of Kibera can rest assured that they won't be holding their noses forever. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... ity_Cooker

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Child Sized Dressers and Closets A smaller dresser makes it much easier for children to deal with their clothing. Top drawers might need a stool as do high bars in closets. Consider installing a short closet rod that your child can reach easier. It's easy to add an additional rod or just move the existing one lower. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer. "It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy. "Oh, dang!" said the farmer. "You've shot my mother-in-law!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students, who went to move 26 cars, may now return to class."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Adirondack Park, largest of all US parks
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Hotmail Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 24, 2007

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. --- Jean Kerr ------------ Guess I am not well-adjusted.
Now you're customizing the jokes????~~~~~~~~~~~~ Approaching the counter at a local post office, ninimom said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." Pretty funny. Love your humor. ninimom Dear Ninimom I have occasionally done that for the last 12 years, whenever I came across a joke that was not offensive to the person named in it. I have now changed your First name to start with a capital "N". And when "Ms Bernadette Gugelhopf-McGee III" tells me to change her FIRST name to Bernie, I'll gladly do that. The same goes for all those who didn't put a FIRST name or nickname down when they subscribed, and are greeted with "Friend", instead of by their first or favorite nickname. Just hit REPLY and tell me by what name I should greet you! Have FUN! DearWebby
Women's Bumper Stickers -------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me. 2. God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends. 3. My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips. 4. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience with Princes, Seeks Frog. 5. Coffee, Chocolate, Men. . . Some Things Are Just Better Rich. 6. Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen. 7. If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen. 8 Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off. 9. I'm out of Estrogen-and I Have a Gun. 10. Guys Have Feelings Too. But Like...Who Cares? 11. Next Mood Swing: 6 Minutes. 12. And Your Point Is...? 13. Warning: I Have an Attitude and I Know How to Use It. 14. Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did it Right the First Time. 15. Do Not Start with Me. You Will Not Win. 16. You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up. 17. All Stressed out and No One to Choke. 18. I'm One of Those Bad Things That Happen to Good People. 19. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 20. Sorry If I Looked Interested. I'm Not. 21. Don't Upset Me! I'm Running out of Places to Hide the Bodies.

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A couple made the decision to purchase a house on the lands of a large nudist resort. Things went well until one day their five-year-old son asked his parents why some men had small penises and others had quite large ones. They told him that the ones with small penises like Daddy were the smart ones. The men with large ones were quite stupid. This seemed to satisfy him. One day over supper, the little guy said "Remember when you told me the difference between men with little and big penises?" "Yes." "Well today, a man knocked on the door and was talking to Mommy. He was really smart, but the longer they talked the stupider he got. Eventually Mommy had to take him into the house and smarten him up!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Ayers, 26, and Frederick Guilliee, 38, of Antioch, CA Bad timing September 22, 2007 - Antioch, California - MSNBC Two men who police said broke into a building to steal copper wiring got more than they bargained for: a room full of police officers. Police said 26-year-old James Ayers and Frederick Guilliee, 38, broke into the 40,000-square-foot building at about 6 p.m. Tuesday. What they hadn't planned for is the Antioch police K-9 unit who was holding a training session there. At the time of the break-in, an officer was hiding inside the building in a training exercise. Shortly thereafter, a K-9 officer announced that a dog was about to be released and that anyone inside should give themselves up or risk being bitten. Ayers surrendered immediately, police said, and the K-9 officers found Guilliee hiding inside. Police arrested the men on suspicion of commercial burglary. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20920022/
Thanks to Walter for sending this picture: From the photograher, Dean Shaddock: This was captured as I collected my things from airport security (Detroit Metro Concourse A). I think of it as something like a Rorschach test. Is an elderly Catholic nun being frisked by a Muslim security agent the celebration of blind justice? Or is it simply an admission of absurdity? http://www.flickr.com/photos/cjd/1418632004/
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brian Re: Hotmail problems Webby I regularly send emails to my friends; one of which has Hotmail. She never receives any of my mails, yet none are returned by the mail administrator. She has emailed me ok. but cannot receive my reply. I am using the latest Thunderbird & Firefox. Any suggestions? Brian Dear Brian Ho'mail is not predictable enough to make any good recommendations. Tell her to pretend to be over 18 and to get a gmail account. Then she will get email reliably and predictably. If you need a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one instantly. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." , waving a hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked to explain. said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"

Deeli's Kudos September 21, 2007 - Madrid, Spain - Reuters Spanish fashion chain Zara has withdrawn a handbag from its stores after a customer in Britain complained swastikas were embroidered on it. Zara, owned by the world's second largest fashion retailer Inditex, said it did not know the 39 pound ($78) handbag had green swastikas on its corners. The bags were made by a supplier in India and inspired by commonly used Hindu symbols, which include the swastika. The original design approved by Zara did not have swastikas on it, Inditex said. "After the return of one bag we decided to withdraw the whole range," said a spokesman for Inditex, which has more than 3,330 stores in 66 countries. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0709 ... astikas_dc

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prepare Your Car For Winter Make sure all your fluids have been checked. Have your radiator, battery and brakes serviced if needed. Make sure you have adequate antifreeze. There is no better time to have your tires aligned and rotated. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now..."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A stately-looking matron was walking through the Bronx Zoo, studying the animals. When she passed the porcupine enclosure she beckoned to a nearby attendant. "Young man," she began, "do the North American porcupines have sharper pricks than those from Africa?" The attendant thought a moment. "Well, ma'am," he answered, "the African porcupine's quills are sharper... but I think their pricks are about the same..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Five Seasons of America's Test Kitchen
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Dear Webby: Why Firefox 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 23, 2007

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. --- Mickey Rooney I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. --- Rita Mae Brown
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
This guy was walking along the beach one day and ran across a lamp. He picked it up a rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie told him he would grant the man three wishes. "First," the guy began, "I'd like a million dollars." POOF! A million dollars was suddenly showing on his checkbook balance. "Second," he continued, "I'd like a new Mercedes." POOF! A Mercedes appeared right in front of him. "Third," the guy smirked, "I'd like to be irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a VISA card.

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Approaching the counter at a local post office, said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Louis Pasquale, 35, of Seaford, N.Y. Strong like bull, smart like paddle September 19, 2007 - New York, New York - AP A man who tried to tow his 35-foot fishing vessel to a marina by paddling in a 9-foot inflatable boat was fished out of a Long Island canal by Coast Guard officials Wednesday. "This is one of the most unsafe things I may have ever seen a boater do," said U.S. Coast Guard spokesman Lt. Steven Koch. Louis Pasquale, 35, of Seaford, N.Y., was attempting to tow his fishing vessel Barbara Ann from the North Channel near Bay Shore about 20 miles to Freeport. He was not injured, but not wearing a life jacket, the Coast Guard said. Pasquale reportedly started towing the Barbara Ann at 5:30 a.m from the East Islip Marina, and had managed to move it about 100 yards in three hours when both the Coast Guard and Islip Harbor Police stopped him. A rescue boat crew towed the vessel back to the East Islip Marina, and ordered Pasquale to anchor, the Coast Guard said. He was issued a state summons and a Town of Islip summons for unsafe operation and hazard to navigation. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/ ... 9966.shtml
Thanks to my dad for sending this picture from a hike he was on today:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Why Firefox Dear Webby Why would anyone need to use Firefox Webby, and what program is it? Jaye Dear Jaye Nobody NEEDS to use the Firefox browser. It's just another browser, and people who have religious reasons to look for alternatives to Microsoft products, are free to use it. However, you will still need to use IE to get the automatic security updates and patches for Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young woman was driving the speed limit in freeway traffic. Car after car passed her, so she speeded up. Still car after car passed her. Suddenly, in the rear view mirror, she saw the flashing lights of a police cruiser behind her. She pulled over and rolled down her window. The patrol officer walked up and asked her, "Do you know why I stopped you?" And the young woman replied, "Yes. I was the only slow enough for you to catch!"

Deeli's Kudos September 17, 2007 - London, UK - AP British hospitals are banning neckties, long sleeves and jewelry for doctors and their traditional white coats in an effort to stop the spread of deadly hospital-borne infections, according to new rules published Monday. Hospital dress codes typically urge doctors to look professional, which, for male practitioners, has usually meant wearing a tie. But as concern over hospital-born infections has intensified, doctors are taking a closer look at their clothing. ''Ties are rarely laundered but worn daily,'' the Department of Health said in a statement. ''They perform no beneficial function in patient care and have been shown to be colonized by pathogens.'' The new regulations would mean an end to doctors' traditional long-sleeved white coats, Health Secretary Alan Johnson said. Fake nails, jewelry and watches, which the department warned could harbor germs, are also out. Johnson said the ''bare below the elbows'' dress code would help prevent the spread of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA, the deadly bacteria resistant to nearly every available antibiotic. Popularly known as a ''superbug,'' MRSA accounts for more than 40 percent of in-hospital blood infections in Britain. Because the bacteria is so hard to kill, health care workers have instead focused on containing its spread through improvements to hospital hygiene. http://www.happynews.com/news/9172007/n ... octors.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Seeds Seeds that you didn't get around to planting this year should be fine next year if stored properly. Most seeds can be stored for 3 to 4 years. The key will be storing the seeds in a cool, dry, and dark place. Keep the temperature between 40 and 50 degrees F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"So, Mullany, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Mullany shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
An older friend, recently returned from her home town in North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years back. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now." "Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered all over." "You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried them?" "Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer...."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Munich Octoberfest More pictures
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Dear Webby 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 22, 2007

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen? --- Evelyn Waugh
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A very self-important liberal college freshman was attending a recent football game. He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. "You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and...," pausing to take another drink of beer. The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young....... .so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are YOU doing for the next generation?" The applause was deafening. ------------- Personally, I doubt that the wimps of today could repeat the moon walk.
Bob man says to his wife Judy, "Guess what I heard at the pub today? They were saying the milkman is having sex with every woman in our apartment building except one, but they are not sure who that one is." And right a way Judy jumps up and says, "I know who that is! I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis, in apartment 612."

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Cats in Physics Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Morrison's in West Kirby, Wirral, UK Blind and stupid September 20, 2007 - West Kirby, Wirral, UK - Ananova Supermarket staff refused to sell wine to a 72-year-old man - because he would not prove he was over 21. Check-out staff at Morrison's demanded Tony Ralls prove he was old enough to buy two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. The white-haired grandfather-of-three said he had refused to confirm he was over 21 as it was a "stupid question." Mr. Ralls asked to see the manager of the store, in West Kirby, Wirral, reports the BBC. "I felt like saying: 'What do I look like? Are you a fool?' He picks up the wine and, in the manner of a child taking home his ball, says: 'Well, we won't serve you'." The pensioner abandoned his shopping on the conveyor belt and left the store but not before demanding a complaints form and phone number for Morrison's headquarters. Mr. Ralls said: "It is bureaucracy gone mad." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2517121.html?menu=
Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Un-Install IE6 Dear Webby It's Ann again!!!! I just wanted to know if I could uninstall the internet Explorer 6 and just use Firefox???? Love your Humor Letter, makes my day for sure Ann Dear Ann You can use both of them! No need to un-install either one. They work fine together, even side by side. Most webmasters have both open side by side to check if their work looks OK on both of them. Theoretically, Windows should work without IE on the computer, but in real life you will find that Windows and also other programs now and then use building blocks from IE instead of trying to duplicate stuff that is already written and polished. There are also some tasks that Firefox isn't very good at yet, for example many tasks related to printing web pages. At those times it's handy, when you can just open IE6 and get the job done. You don't have to close Firefox to do that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thnaks to Kevin for this story: At the doctor's office, the Nurse was taking my blood pressure. She caused me some concern by rechecking it twice, then said, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal." I replied I had taken my high blood pressure medicine less than an hour ago. She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side."

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Baltimore, Maryland - Gimundo Eli Kahn, of Baltimore, Maryland, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of three. He whiled away years in bed with nothing to do but watch soap operas, stare into the hospital parking lot, or simply lie there and think – so mostly, he thought. And when his leukemia finally went into remission, Eli had already hatched a plan for how to spend his time now that he was finally healthy again: He would raise money to support the cure of childhood cancers like his. His fundraising method? Recycling printer cartridges. For the past three years, Eli has solicited donations of used ink jet and laser printer cartridges from individuals, businesses, schools, and nonprofit organizations through a program he calls Cartridges for the Cure. That may seem like small change, but it adds up fast: To date, Eli, now 15, has earned more than $23,000 in donations to the pediatric oncology department at Johns Hopkins. If you've got any used cartridges yourself, don't toss them into the trash – help Eli cure cancer instead. For more details about this inspiring survivor's program, visit Catridges for a Cure. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... ually_Like

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Wood Blocks You can make great wood blocks using scrap wood. Start with untreated lumber, cut the wood into various sizes, sand off any rough edges, stain the wood and then seal them with polyurethane. You can even let your kids paint pictures on the blocks before you apply the polyurethane. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Ontario coed was anxious to see her parents over the holidays. Access to their remote cabin near Caribou Lake was limited, so she was trying to talk a local bush pilot into flying her home. "But there's no place to land." he protested. She told him of a clearing she had used last year. The pilot agreed. Upon approaching the clearing, it looked too short, with a rise at the end. Going in on a wing and a prayer the lil' plane skidded along, hit the rise, then flipped over. Once safely out of the plane, the girl smiled and said, "Yep. They had to land the same way last year too."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Elegant Sugar Cubes
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Dear Webby: Reliability of DVDs 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 21, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. --- Lynn Hall
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
Thanks to barry for this story: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Southern Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point.

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The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office, asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa" ------------- Sad, but serious is that the swing to the left has depressed the value of the US dollar. On it's way down to be on par with the Peso, it has gone below the Canadian dollar yesterday. Guess what that means! It will take more US dollars to buy fuel. Fill up your fuel for the winter NOW! Dear Webby Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the public facilities caretaker in Pickering, North Yorkshire, UK Careless check September 20, 2007 - Pickering, North Yorkshire, UK - Ananva A great grandmother popped into a public loo after a long journey - and ended up locked in for 12 hours. Gwyneth Coles, 77, certainly knew what the matter was when a caretaker locked up the toilet block in Pickering, North Yorkshire. He had shouted out: "Anyone in?" but failed to hear her reply: "Yes, I am in here. I won't be a minute!", reports the York Press. He did not check if any vagrant had chosen to overnight there. Friends and relatives, worried after she failed to return to her home in the town after a holiday in Inverness, called police sparking a nationwide missing persons alert. Meanwhile, Mrs Coles put four jumpers on under a jacket and a mac, and settled down for the night, even managing to get some sleep. She was only released when the caretaker came back at 7am the following day to open up the toilets and found her inside. Mrs Coles said: "This will go down in the family history - the night great-grandma got locked in the loo. I think it's hilarious now, although it was pretty traumatic at the time. "I was coming back home from holiday in Inverness when it happened. I came back by train and got on the bus in York. When I got to Pickering, I decided to spend a penny at the loos. "If I'd had had my mobile phone with me I'd have been all right, I could have rung someone, but I didn't. Fortunately, I had my luggage with me and I found four jumpers to put on." A Ryedale District Council official apologised for the incident, and said a full investigation had been launched. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2517460.html?menu=
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Durability of DVDs Dear Webby I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures. It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are gone. Dianne Dear Dianne Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever. If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place, they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or shipped, their life span goes down accordingly. The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a safety deposit box far away from the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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ACTUAL LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS 1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." 3. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off." 4. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." 5. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." 6. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." 7. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." 8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Madison Township, Ohio - Gimundo A Tri-state man is now safe after using a pocket knife to literally dig himself out of a disaster. The 83-year-old Madison Township man says he was on his tractor outside his Keister Road home when the tractor flipped and he was trapped. He's says it's amazing how much strength you get when you're in a life-and-death situation. The tractor flipped as John Cockerham was trying to move a post on his property. He ended up with his leg pinned and his entire body stuck under the tractor. So, for two hours he struggled to free his leg. Then, he says he pulled his pocket knife out and spent another two hours digging at the dirt under him to create room so he could squeeze out. "I hollered, 'Lord, don't let me die here. I don't want to die under this tractor. help me to get out!,' and by the grace of God, he had given me the strength to get out," said Cockerham. Cockerham has eight children, 21 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren – plus one great-great grandchild. So, a lot of people are grateful. Cockerham spent one night at the hospital and has a lot of bruises, but he's doing fine now. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... _To_Escape

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10 gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites, and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Deer for breakfast
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Dear Webby: Mark 17 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 20, 2007

Chance can allow you to accomplish a goal every once in a while, but consistent achievement happens only if you love what you are doing. --- Bart Conner
Thanks to LLLiDO for this story: Sally had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbour ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbour bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
Thanks to Darlene for bringing back this Classic: A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use "Big People' words." She then asked little Zach what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Zach thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest and with as deep a voice he could muster and with great pride belted out: "Winnie the SHIT

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I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Department Of Motor Vehicles In Washington State Not organized September 19, 2007 - Richland, Washington - Deeli Having recently relocated from the state of Michigan to the state of Washington, Deeli finds it both disconcerting and rather comical that she may not apply for her Washington State Drivers License, 'YET' ... Keep in mind that even with birth certificate, Michigan drivers license, Passport, Washington State apartment lease, Washington State utility company approval for use of utilities at said apartment, proof of shipment of household goods to Richland, WA, proof of shipment of vehicle to Richland, WA, Washington state auto insurance, etc. etc. etc., well, none of these documents are enough to be considered a resident of Washington State. Now keep in mind that new residents of Washington State must take their drivers test within 30 days of arrival. What's the hold-up you ask ??? One must first receive one's first 'utility bill', or any other documents deemed as 'proof' of Washington State residencey, via postal mail only, before considered an 'official resident' in the state of Washington. Self Employment pay doesn't cut it either nor do Washington State bank accounts make one a 'resident' eligible to apply for a driver's test. Nope, have to have a paycheck from a local company or that first utility bill. Don't worry, Deeli! Just get it in writing, that you are not allowed to take the test. Plus a print-out of this Bonehead Award, of course. If you get stopped for speeding, show them those papers along with your Michigan drivers license. They will probably start laughing ans let you off with a warning.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Evi Re: AOL Dear Webby Well- at least now I know this address is working right! I called AOL- and of course I got a number that they said the "non AOL" member who was sending had to call. They then referred me to another number for AOL members, and they referred me to live chat..so will try that and see if I can fix anything from my end! Am still reading your humor letter on line daily...thank you for the link in the Hi card letter! Evie Wohlers Dear Evi About a five hundred AOLers do receive the Humor Letter, and about 200 or so, it seems, don't. Since the many thousands, who have graduated from AOL, get it without any hassle, it would seem the problem is on the AOL side, and no matter what I change on my side, SOME AOLers will still have problems.. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From LLLiDO: It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." --------------------------- Last time I featured this joke, two people bitterly complained that it was not clean enough for church, and about two hundred people forwarded it to their entire Friends List, which apparently included my address too.

Deeli's Kudos September 17, 2007 - Berwick, Pennsylvania - AP You might say she was born to be wild — a century ago. Evelyn Warburton rode to her 100th birthday party Saturday in a motorcycle sidecar. She sported a black leather jacket, a helmet and a pair of sunglasses for the 10-minute ride from her home in Lightstreet to her granddaughter's house in Berwick. ''It was fun today,'' said Warburton. Her chauffeur on the green 2000 Herley-Davidson Ultra was George Crawford, a friend who had been offering to take her to church on his motorcycle for several years. Warburton finally accepted Crawford's offer of a ride to her party. She had actually turned 100 on Thursday. Crawford said Warburton was nervous at first, but relaxed after he assured her she wouldn't fly out of the sidecar. The duo hit a top speed of 40 mph. ''She's willing to try new things,'' said Warburton's daughter, Nancy Hartzel. http://www.happynews.com/news/9172007/w ... idecar.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drying Pillows When drying pillows, toss a couple clean tennis balls in the dryer. The tennis balls will help fluff up the pillows and allow the stuffing to dry more evenly. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Lu for this story: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Balloons
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Verizon problems 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 19, 2007

God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it. --- Mother Teresa Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. --- Socratex
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."

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A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.... Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!" ------------- Glad I am not playing golf! Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gino Sciortino in Melford, Connecticut Does not like horses September 14, 2007 - Milford, Connecticut - AP A man has filed a lawsuit against his neighbor, claiming he can't sell his house because of the smell of horse manure from next door. In court documents filed in Superior Court, Gino Sciortino claims Helen Catlin is permitting significant quantities of horse manure to accumulate in piles on her property and the foul odor can often be smelled at his home. Helen and David Catlin have lived on Park Road more than a year and own three horses. Sciortino said that at times, the smell is overpowering. "When the wind blows, everything smells of horse manure," Sciortino said Thursday, saying the odor has made it difficult to sell his house for the past year. Sciortino is asking for monetary damages as well as an injunction ordering Helen Catlin to relocate the horse manure and other debris and to re-grade the soil near their property line. "Once this is resolved, I will try to sell again," Sciortino said. David Catlin, the husband of the woman named in the lawsuit, said Thursday that he mixes the manure with other material to create compost, which he sprinkles with lime to prevent the scent from wafting across the property. "Nobody else seems to be able to smell it," Catlin said of his other neighbors. "He's misleading a lot of people." Staffers at the Pomperaug Health District have not reported any complaints about horse manure on Park Road. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070914/D8RLFQNG0.html --------------- I remember when I was a little kid, there was still a few horse drawn wagons on the road. When we heard the clip-clop of horses, we used to race to the road with old dustpans, and if a horse donated some horse apples, each kid tried to get them for his family's garden. We used to even fight right in the middle of the road when the winner was not clear. But then usually the girls tried to steal them.
These used to be the pastel yellow fowers in my lawn that I mowed around, because they were quite cute and lasting.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: Verizon blocking subscriptions Dear Webby Unfortunately Verizon is blocking you too. Just thought you might like to know as they are really dimwits. Jerome Dear Jerome yes, Verizon has been trying to make AOL look good for some time, and a lot of Verizon victims use gmail to get reliable mail. How do you get around them? Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Dallas, Texas - AP An emergency room might be the last place you'd think would have do-it-yourself check-in. But Parkland Memorial Hospital has three self-service computer kiosks, similar to those used by airport passengers and hotel guests. And so do a handful of other hospital ERs, where the long wait in line to register and explain symptoms can be grueling. True emergency cases _ gunshot or car crash victims with serious injuries _ are still rushed in for treatment. But patients like Rickey Washington, a diabetic concerned about numbness in his hands and feet, find it fairly simple to sign in by computer. ''Once you look and see, it's kind of easy,'' said Washington, 44. Besides offering patients more privacy, the kiosks should help nurses identify the most urgent cases. Parkland's administrators say patients have been spared the long check-in lines since the kiosks arrived. The hospital's ER handles about 300 cases a day. ''It's helping us find the people that we need to see right now,'' said Jennifer Hay, unit manager for the ER department. Patients spend about eight minutes at the kiosks, using touchscreens to enter their name, age, and other personal information. The computer shows the patient a list of ailments to choose from, like ''pain'' or ''fever and/or chills'' and a list of body parts to indicate where it hurts. Previously, a nurse checked in patients and took their vital signs as lines at the ER got longer and frustration mounted. ''If it's getting people to be able to sit down and not be standing in a long line, then it's good,'' said Dr. Brian Keaton, president of the American College of Emergency Physicians. http://www.happynews.com/news/9152007/e ... -lines.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and and your pillar candles will last a long time. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" Came this reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Charges of statutory sexual seduction face an El Cajon, CA science teacher who trysted in a Vegas motel with one of her 15 year old students. (LA Times) Whose parents will administer disciplinary action as soon as they can wipe the smile off his face.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vermont Fall Colors
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 18, 2007

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway. --- Edna Buchanan
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
My feisty 70-year-old neighbor Frances had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" Frances exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," my neighbor responded and she handed him a rake. He spent the next 55 minutes in her back yard bagging leaves. Then he charged her an hour extra for traveling time.

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A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 17 year old boy in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Too dumb to own a gun September 13, 2007 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - AP A 17-year-old boy accidentally shot himself in the leg while standing in line at a McDonald's restaurant and now he faces an illegal weapons charge. The boy was fiddling with the .25-caliber pistol tucked in his waistband when it fired, wounding him in the upper thigh shortly before 9 p.m. Wednesday, city police Sgt. William Gorman said. The boy was in good condition at Mercy Hospital. He was to be charged with illegal possession of a firearm, because he is not old enough to lawfully have a gun, police said. Police were also trying to determine if the gun was stolen. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... pe=bondage
Thanks to Deeli for this picture from her balcony in Richland, WA.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ginger Re: AOL problems ...@aol.com wrote: it says I'm already subscribed but haven't been getting the letter please check into it for me Dear Ginger That's just a routine AOL screw-up. Once your subscription has entered the AOL server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Once you graduate from AOL, you will never have that problem again. In the meantime, you can contact AOL "support", and ask them to stop stealing your subscription. Have FUN! DearWebby
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While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk louder."

Deeli's Kudos September 10, 2007 - Glenview, Illinois - Chicago, Tribune Tom Foust saw the train lights in the distance and knew it was time to stop arguing with the elderly driver, whose white Lexus was stuck on railroad tracks. As his two friends pounded on the car windows, yelling for her to leave the car, Foust, 17, unclipped the seat belt and carried her to safety with seconds to spare. He shielded her body from flying debris as the Lexus was "eviscerated". http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/content/view/2545/29/

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Bag It, Use It Use the grass clippings to help feed your lawn. The clippings will work as slow release fertilizer for your lawn and help encourage growth. If the grass clippings are in clumps, use a rake to spread them out. Clumps of grass will create a thatch problem which will smother the lawn. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When I took my baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time, I dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, I placed her in the shopping cart, put my purchases around her, and headed for the checkout line. A small boy and his mother were ahead of me. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, I thought. Then I heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, and, looking in my direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man rushed into a jewelry store, told the clerk he needed a pair of diamond earrings for his wedding anniversary, and quickly made his selection. When asked if he wanted them wrapped, he replied, "That would be great, but hurry. My wife thinks I'm taking out the garbage!" .
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Dear Webby: Open Source 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 17, 2007

I think it would be a good idea. --- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization
Thanks to Amy for this report: A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
Thanks to Dave for this story: Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those video cameras everywhere you look."

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A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. So as not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife's house. When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed, "You lousy bum! Where have you been? You escaped more than two days ago!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawnda K. Hatfield, Muncie, Indiana Faked Cremation September 14, 2007 - Muncie, Indiana - AP Prosecutors are investigating whether a phony obituary was placed in an Indiana newspaper in an attempt to keep a convicted forger out of prison. The obituary reporting the supposed death and cremation of Shawnda K. Hatfield was faxed to Delaware Circuit Court Judge Robert Barnet Jr. But Hatfield, 41, was later found at her home and arrested. Barnet sentenced her Thursday to four years in prison for altering a check drawn on the account of White Feather Farms, where she formerly worked. Hatfield said she had no idea how her obituary ended up in The Star Press. Kathy Whittenburg, an employee in the newspaper's classified advertising department, said the obituary appeared after a caller purporting to be Hatfield's niece phoned The Star Press and later provided a telephone number she said belonged to a Florida crematory. Deputy Prosecutor Joe Orick told Hatfield that if an investigation showed her relatives were involved in the fake obituary, "You can have a family reunion upstairs" -- in jail. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/ ... 1355.shtml
Re the forest fire smoke in yesterday's picture, the fire is in British Columbia, on the other side of the Rockies. Subscriber Ann is at the fire by Big Bear Lake, California. If you are near one of the fires, send me the coordinates, and I'll mark you into the map too.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Eudora not sold any more Dear Webby, I went to the Eudora page and saw that they had quit selling a version. I noticed the latest version was 7.1 a sponsored version. Do you still reccommend this? There is a button that say to stay in sponsored mode you must update, would that be for people with older versions who wish to stay with the program. What is open source Eudora? Thanks Webby, you are still the number one ezine. Ron Dear Ron Yes, it is Open Source (free) now. You can still get the old versions, if you want. The ad sponsored version has a little square ad in the left bottom corner. No big deal. I think they stopped delivering ads anyway. Older versions are at http://eudora.com/techsupport/kb/2350hq.html/ The Beta of the Open Source Eudora 8 is at http://wiki.mozilla.org/Penelope_Releases Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars.

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - Sun Sentinel A Florida man has been besieged with job offers - after he was sacked for saving a woman from an armed robber. Juan Canales, 42, lost his job as a waiter with a Thai restaurant in Fort Lauderdale after his boss got sick of the media attention. But he quickly received new job offers once the twist to the story was reported in the local press, reports the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. "I just felt bad for him because here is a guy who does the right thing and he gets fired for it," said Peggy Talerico, of All Atlas Roofing. Robert Garofalo, owner of an electrical repair business, said he, too, wanted to help: "Come on, the guy fired him for being a hero. Ridiculous." Canales was fired after subduing a knife-wielding robber who tried to steal a Honda car from a woman customer. He disarmed the man then, with the help of three other men, managed to hold the robber down until police arrived. Mr. Canales then spent an hour talking to police and the media. He returned to work but when the lunch shift ended, his boss fired him. "The owner got belligerent" about all the attention his scuffle with the carjacker generated, he said. Although he was "devastated," Mr. Canales said, "I would do it again because it was the right thing to do." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2506516.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prescription Drug Savings When a doctor prescribes you a new medication, be sure to ask if there is a generic version of that drug. Don't assume that your doctor will inform you about generic drug alternatives. The difference in price and your insurance co-pay can be dramatic. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid... until she closed her curtains.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, Who wear their balls in parentheses?" .
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Dear Webby: Font Sizes 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 16, 2007

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. -- Sir Francis Bacon Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." --- Dave Barry
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
Divorce : Future tense of marriage. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. Father : A banker provided by nature. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

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Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college students!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 33 prisoners at Lee County prison, New Mexico Prisoner's temper tantrum September 15, 2007 - Lee County, New Mexico - Ananova Prisoners rioted at a jail in New Mexico after being told they would be allowed only one sausage each at dinner. Inmates of the Lee County Prison started fires, broke toilets and smashed windows, reports the Hobbs News Sun. Officials said the prisoners began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described as a "temper tantrum." Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after the incident. Warden Jann Gartman said 33 prisoners were involved in the disturbance. The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2508087.html?menu= Might be time to ship them to Arizona and try Sheriff Arpaio's diet for a while.
Smoke coming over the Rockies from some fire in BC
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby! I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Wrexham, North Wales, UK - Ananova A Welsh farmer who placed a lonely hearts advert on a milk carton hopes to marry a US woman who answered his plea. Geraint Evans, 28, hadn't had a girlfriend for almost five years because his long days at work often ended at 11pm, reports the North Wales Daily Post. The dairy herdsman was one of a number of North Wales farmers who persuaded a dairy company to put their photographs on cartons with an email address. Interior design student Laura Allison, 21, from Chicago, was holidaying in the UK when she saw Geraint's face on a pint of milk she bought near his Wrexham home. She said: "I'd dropped by a supermarket to pick up some provisions and when I got to the milk racks, all I could see was this handsome guy's face staring out at me. I think I fell in love a little right there and then." But she decided to wait until she returned home before getting in touch. Since then the couple have exchanged hundreds of email messages, phone calls and letters and have visited each other. Geraint said: "I've met the girl of my dreams and I want us to marry as soon as she's finished her course in America. "We get on so well. This is the real thing and the sooner we can get wed the better, as far as I'm concerned. I'd marry Laura tomorrow. "We share the same sense of humour and we're both adventurous. We must be or we'd never have met." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2506815.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning with Borax Add one tablespoon of Borax to 1 quart of water and use it as a safe all-purpose cleaner. Dissolve a 1/2 cup of borax in a sink full of water to clean delicate dishes like fine China. Sweeten musty basement floors by sprinkling around on the concrete, let it sit for a while, then sweep up. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newell Coach
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Dear Webby: Alternatives to Outlook 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 15, 2007

Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling. --- Margaret Lee Runbeck
Thanks to Rubye for this story: A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy look down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so what ever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!!
Leroy's wife went to the bank and applied for a loan. "I want a loan, I'm going to divorce Leroy." "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager says "We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements...." Leroy's wife interrupts and says "Well, this is certainly a 'Home Improvement.'

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Judge: "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: (looking at petition) "I can see why, Mr... Leon Shitferbrains, is it?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr. Shitferbrains?" Leon: "Jim, your honor." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Rohlman, 38 in Philadelphia Trash bag not a good gun case PHILADELPHIA (UPI) -- A 38-year-old man is facing charges in Philadelphia after an assault rifle he allegedly stole fell out of the garbage bag in which he was carrying it. Michael Rohlman was arrested for allegedly stealing the assault rifle from a home and unsuccessfully attempting to carry it home in a trash bag, the Philadelphia Daily News reported. Witnesses allege the rifle fell from the bag while Rohlman was walking down a sidewalk Thursday, prompting them to call police. When police arrived, they allegedly found Rohlman attempting to hide the stolen firearm behind a trash bin. Police allege Rohlman stole the rifle and its attached bayonet earlier that day, the Daily New said. Firearms apparently are not good luck for the suspect, who previously was convicted and sentenced to prison time for carrying a firearm without a license.
Thanks to Martin for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: Alternative to Outlook Dear Webby! In several humour letter issues you mentioned "Outlook". E.g.: "Dear Bonnie I live a very sheltered life. Heroin, Outlook, Outlook Express, Crack and other stuff like that, is not allowed onto the premises." I too have many "fail to respond" problems. What alternative to Outlook do you recomment? Sig Every day I'm looking forward to every issue of you humour letter Dear Sig The best mail program is still Eudora, from http://eudora.com That's what Commerce, Industry and military uses. Eudora is rock solid, and when you have to answer and file 250 or more mails per day, you really appreciate the hot-keys that let you run Eudora without taking your hands off the keyboard for tedious mousing around. However, Eudora definitely is for a high production environment, where cutesy stuff has low priority. It is there, somewhere, if you need it, but it's strength is speed and reliability. Second best is Thunderbird http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/thunderbird/ Thunderbird is less Industrial, but not as silly and mushy as Incredimail. It is not as feature rich as Eudora, but there are hundreds of small add-ins that you can download to get individual features, like for example the Hot-keys. Thunderbird works OK right off the basic installation, and unless you have been spoiled by Eudora or Pegasus, you won't need any of the third party add-ons. The add-ons are free, but need to be downloaded and installed separately. Pegasus is a hard core road warrior tool. It is very compact and when I was a mobile troubleshooter, I used to carry it on a floppy. Like Eudora, it is rock solid, but Pegasus is very basic. Absolutely no cutesy frills. It is definitely a STRICTLY WORK email program. You can get it at http://pmail.com/ To give you an idea of how basic Pegasus is, have a look at their FAQ page: http://pmail.com/faqs/faqs_wq.htm They definitely don't waste your time with unimportant stuff! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. "The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded. "The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing? The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and a dancer in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio..."

Deeli's Kudos Garbage in, diamond rings out at rest stop ALBANY, N.Y. (UPI) -- A New York trooper was a real trouper recently, combing through bags of garbage to locate two temporarily misplaced rings. Trooper Leston Sheeley said a frantic Montreal man called and told him his wife's engagement ring and wedding band were in a yellow bag mistakenly tossed in the garbage at the Schroon Lake rest area, The (Plattsburgh, N.Y.) Press Republican reported Tuesday. His wife put them in the bag while washing her hands for dinner. Sheeley, figuring the trash hadn't been picked up, said he and Trooper Gregory Brack booked it the rest stop and began picking through the overflowing garbage bin. Because they were looking for a yellow food bag, "we found the rings pretty quickly," he said. The couple was still awake when Sheeley called them back with the good news. "He was ecstatic," Sheeley said. "And at that point, I was excited to call him back and tell him."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com September Clothing Bargains September is a great month to find summer clothing on clearance. Keep an eye out for short sleeve shirts, shorts, swim-wear and sandals. You can get next year's summer clothing at clearance prices. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Two rural church deacons were having a sociable beer in the local tavern, when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my truck." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here . . . and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Shaker Museum
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Weird circles in Outlook 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 14, 2007
Wear something red today, to show your support for the troops!

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.

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An elderly couple was having trouble remembering things, so they signed up for a memory course. The course was wonderful. They came home and told all their relatives, friends and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approached the old man as he was tending the garden and said, "Hey, Ed, what was the name of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed said, "Well, it was . . . hmmm . . . let me think a minute . . . What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems?" The neighbor said, "You mean a rose?" And Ed said, "Yeah, that's it!" Then turned toward the house and shouted, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that memory course?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roger Golden, New York Dumbest place to stash dope Smuggler learns not to stow pot near DEA NEW YORK (UPI) -- A known New York drug smuggler faces possession charges for allegedly stowing 35 pounds of marijuana in a locker near the Drug Enforcement Agency. The storage locker where Roger Golden stashed his stash was in a self-storage facility with two entrances -- one conveniently in the lobby of the DEA building, the New York Post reported Monday. Drug agents walking to the office passed the self-storage business caught a whiff, said John Gilbride, head of the office. They brought in a drug-sniffing dog, which plunked down in front of Golden's locker. "Here's a guy that has been known to drug law enforcement for 30 years and he picks, of all places, to store his marijuana in a storage facility connected to the New York office of the DEA," said John Gilbride, head of the office.

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie in NH Re: Circles in Outlook and WORD Dear Webby hope you can help with my current problem. Just recently as in the excerpt below from a “sent” email, and in replies back to me, these little circles started to appear. They annoy me like crazy and are also turning up in my Word documents even if they’re not in email text, i.e., if someone sends me a quote or story I want to save in Word, voila! there they are in a new document I copy & paste into. Any ideas on how I can stop them? No clue why they began. Thank you bunches as always, even if you don’t have a solution. Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie I live a very sheltered life. Heroin, Outlook, Outlook Express, Crack and other stuff like that, is not allowed onto the premises. I really don't have a clue about what those things do to you, or how to cope with them. By the way, the excerpt you had there, did not produce any dopey circles in Eudora. Try writing to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com. Even though she doesn't use that stuff, she keeps up-to-date on it so that she can answer questions on her blog. Put her into your friends list, so that you don't accidentally slap her reply back into her face. That really annoys her. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!"

Deeli's Kudos Gators gaze at passers-by from pond HAMPTON ROADS, Va. (UPI) -- Two alligators found in a pond inside a Virginia community probably aren't dangerous to humans, but officials are setting up traps -- just in case. Police and animal control personnel in Hampton Roads say they aren't quite sure how the 3-foot reptiles got into the pond, The Virginian-Pilot in Hampton Roads reported. "It's hard to say," said police spokeswoman Rene Ball said, adding that residents in the area should be careful. ------------ Personally, I would be a lot more concerned with lightning fast three footers than slow and lazy 20 footers. I got within a few feet of this one and it made no hostile move.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time." Dentist: "There are too many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the 5 o'clock football game."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Edible Mushrooms
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version div style="background-color: #FFFFBB;"> Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter





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Dear Webby: Refill 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 13, 2007

I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. --- Stephen Leacock Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replied, "Dried or canned?"
A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his corn flakes every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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So we were lying on our backs on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 10-year-old son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, "Dad, why are we here?" And this is what I said. "I've thought a lot about it, son, and I don't think it's all that complicated. I think maybe we're here just to teach a kid how to bunt, turn two and eat sunflower seeds without using his hands." "We're here to pound the steering wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, 20 minutes after we pulled into the garage. We're here to look all over, give up and then find the ball in the hole." "We're here to watch, at least once, as the pocket collapses around John Elway, and it's fourth-and-never. Or as the count goes to 3 and 1 on Mark McGwire with bases loaded, and the pitcher begins wishing he'd gone on to med school. Or as a little hole you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly opens in front of Jeff Gordon with a lap to go." "We're here to wear our favorite sweat-soaked Boston Red Sox cap, torn Slippery Rock sweatshirt and the Converses we lettered in, on a Saturday morning with nowhere we have to go and no one special we have to be." "We're here to rake on a jack-high nothin' hand and have nobody know it but us. Or get in at least one really good brawl, get a nice shiner and end up throwing an arm around the guy who gave it to us." "We're here to shoot a six-point elk and finally get the f-stop right, or to tie the perfect fly, make the perfect cast, catch absolutely nothing and still call it a perfect morning." "We're here to nail a yield sign with an apple core from half a block away. We're here to make our dog bite on the same lame fake throw for the gazillionth time. We're here to win the stuffed bear or go broke trying." "I don't think the meaning of life is gnashing our bicuspids over what comes after death but tasting all the tiny moments that come before it. We're here to be the coach when Wendell, the one whose glasses always fog up, finally makes the only perfect backdoor pass all season. We're here to be there when our kid has three goals and an assist. And especially when he doesn't." "We're here to see the Great One setting up behind the net, tying some poor goaltender's neck into a Windsor knot. We're here to watch the Rocket peer in for the sign, two out, bases loaded, bottom of the career. We're here to witness Tiger's lining up the 22-foot double breaker to win and not need his autograph afterward to prove it." "We're here to be able to do a one-and-a-half for our grandkids. Or to stand at the top of our favorite double-black on a double-blue morning and overhear those five wonderful words: 'Highway's closed. Too much snow.'" "We're here to get the Frisbee to do things that would have caused medieval clergymen to burn us at the stake." "I don't think we're here to make SportsCenter. The really good stuff never does. Like leaving Wrigley at 4:15 on a perfect summer afternoon and walking straight into Murphy's with half of section 503. Or finding ourselves with a free afternoon, a little red 327 fuel-injected 1962 Corvette convertible and an unopened map of Vermont's backroads." "We're here to get the triple-Dagwood sandwich made and the football kicked off at the very second your sister begins tying up the phone until Tuesday." "None of us are going to find ourselves on our deathbeds saying, 'Dang, I wish I'd spent more time on the Hibbings account.' We're going to say, 'That scar? I got that scar stealing a home run from Consolidated Plumbers!" "See, grown-ups spend so much time doggedly slaving toward the better car, the perfect house, the big day that will finally make them happy when happy just walked by wearing a bicycle helmet two sizes too big for him. We're not here to find a way to heaven. The way is heaven. Does that answer your question, son?" And he said, "Not really, Dad." And I said, "No?" And he said, "No, what I meant is, why are we here when Mom said to pick her up 40 minutes ago?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dave Warwak, 44, Fox River, Ill Yesterdays Kudo was for Superintendent Jacqueline Krause who told the boneheaded bigot to get lost. Vegan teacher suspended A vegan middle school teacher says he's not going back to class until the school stops serving milk and meat. He doesn't really have any choice about that, since he has been told to leave the school. Dave Warwak has been a teacher at Fox River Grove Middle School for eight years. The 44-year-old became a vegan in January and believes the school is "feeding poison" to students. He also believes the school's posters featuring milk are wrong. Warwak says he won't return until the posters are removed. He's looked into filing child-endangerment charges because he claims it's wrong to promote animal products as part of healthy diet. Warwak says he was asked to leave the school last week because he talked about animal-cruelty issues like milking innocent cows.
Why men die before women
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Refilling ink cartridges Dear Webby I thought I was getting a good deal when I bought a cheap printer for $39, but now I am stuck with having to buy $59 cartridges or lose the warranty. Can they tell if I refill the cartridges, and how difficult is it to refill them? Thanks Sarah Dear Sarah Get real! Who cares about the warranty on a disposable $39 printer? It will die a few days after the warranty is up anyway, and nobody will even diagnose the problems for less than $50. If it dies during the warranty period, they will replace it, but usually nobody will even look at an old $39 printer. Refilling is easy if you have a proper refill kit like the ones sold by Atlantic inkjet .com. Any kid can do it. The kit comes with everything you need and easy to follow, illustrated instructions. We have used kits from Atlantic inkjet .com and their bulk bottles of ink for at least seven years and never had a problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

A college senior took his new girlfriend to the Super Bowl. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept....!"

Deeli's Kudos Mugger picks on blind judo champ A German mugger who picked on a blind man had a shock when his 'victim' turned out to be a world judo champ. Michael Esser, 33, a world champion last year in martial arts for the visually impaired, ended up pummelling his 17-year-old attacker into submission. Mr Esser had just bought a packet of cigarettes outside the railway station in Marburg when the skinheaded, jobless attacker demanded them. "Give me those, Stevie," he said in what police said was a reference to blind singer Stevie Wonder. He lunged for the cigarettes and hit the man in the face. The blind man then seized his arm, shoved it behind his back and kneed him in the back of his legs. Then he twisted him around and flung him face-first on to the pavement, pinning him to the ground with his body. "The blind Judoka used some expert moves to wrestle the robber to the ground and pinned him down while he shouted for help," Marburg police said in a statement. The champion had to be treated for a bloody nose following the incident but he said: "I may be blind but I am fit. I hope he thinks twice before he picks on blind people again." "I didn't bother to go to the hospital because I was off to meet some mates to listen to a football match. At least I still had my smokes to enjoy!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trace Your Child's Feet So that I don't miss out on kids' shoe sales when I am out shopping without my daughter, I periodically trace her feet on a piece of paper, cut it out and tuck it in my purse. Then if I see shoes on sale I just measure up the soles. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You get undressed and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with my clothes?" "Your clothes?" answered the doctor. "Put them over here, on top of mine!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: The cars we drove
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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