Dear Webby: Fire Station 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  October 1, 2007

The first time I see a jogger smiling, I'll consider it. --- Joan Rivers The main dangers in this life are the people who want to change everything - or nothing. --- Nancy Astor
Thanks to Patricia for bringing back this classic: Two women friends had gone for a girl's night out. Both were very faithful and loving wives, however, they had gotten over-enthusiastic on the Bacardi Breezers. Incredibly drunk and walking home they needed to pee, so they stopped in the cemetery. One of them had nothing to wipe with so she thought she would take off her panties and use them. Her friend however was wearing a rather expensive pair of panties and did not want to ruin them. She was lucky enough to squat down next to a grave that had a wreath with a ribbon on it, so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls did their business they proceeded to go home. The next day one of the women's husbands was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed hung over, so he phoned the other husband and said, "These girl nights have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst.. my wife came home with no panties!!" "That's nothing" said the other husband, "Mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that said..... 'From all of us at the Fire Station. We'll never forget you!'."

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Two very elderly ladies were enjoying the sunshine on a park bench in Miami. They had been meeting that park every sunny day, for over 12 years, chatting and enjoying each others' friendship. One day, the younger of the two ladies, turns to the other and says, "Please don't be angry with me dear, but I am embarrassed. After all these years, what is your name? I am trying to remember, but I just can't." The older friend stares at her, looking very distressed, says nothing for 2 full minutes, and finally with tearful eyes, says, "How soon do you have to know?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Lutheran pastors in Sweden Sexist September 22, 2007 - Stockholm, Sweden - AFP Brides in Stockholm who want their fathers to walk them down the aisle are likely to be told it can't be done, as some pastors are refusing to allow the practice they say is sexist, a pastor said on Friday. "In Sweden we have worked hard in many different ways to eliminate everything that is unequal," a Lutheran Church vicar in the Stockholm region, Yvonne Hallin, told AFP. She said she would not allow the custom in her parish, and noted that Stockholm's bishop issued a recommendation in 2003 that pastors discourage it. Hallin said she has informed a father who was to walk his daughter down the aisle on Saturday that he would not be doing so. The mother of the bride, who was shocked by the news, told Swedish news agency TT that the ceremony would go ahead as planned but that the couple had had to give in to the pastor's wishes. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/070921/o ... ge_offbeat
Thanks to Wendy for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Allison Re: MSN voting problem Hello from South Australia. I am a complete novice at computing and am hoping you can help me out. When I try to vote for your great newletter my email programme closes down when I try to type in my email address. A sign comes up and says a malfunction has occured. Do you know what can be causing this as I would love to vote for you? Thanks in advance. Love, Allison Dear Allison You will have to ask MSN support about that. I don't know anything about MSN, and have not heard from any other MSN users having that problem. Sorry, can't help you there! Good Luck DearWebby
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A Kiwi was hoping to immigrate to Australia. Upon arriving in Australia, he was questioned by a customs officer, "What is your business in Australia?" "I wish to immigrate," was the Kiwi's reply. The customs officer then asked, "Do you have a conviction record?" Confused, the Kiwi then replied, "I didn't think you still needed one."

Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2007 - Seattle, Washington - Seattle PI The man at the back of the Metro bus was older, wore glasses and apparently drew the attention of a group of gang members who reportedly began harassing him. But when one of them tried to take the man's glasses, he pulled a knife and fought back, Seattle police said. "He began swinging at his attackers in self-defense," spokeswoman Renee Witt said. When the melee was over, four of the teens had cuts, including some with superficial cuts to their buttocks, and one had a dislocated shoulder. The man was not hurt. The incident began about 11:15 p.m. on a northbound bus traveling along Rainier Avenue South, Witt said. The five teens boarded near Rainer Beach High School, having attended a football game there, she said. Police reports described the teens as known to officers and active members of a local gang. Officers called to the bus after the fight initially believed the wounded teenagers were the victims, until other passengers aboard the bus told officers that it was the teens who started the disturbance. All were treated at the scene by Seattle Fire Department medics and released to their parents, Witt said. The man was interviewed and released; his knife taken as evidence. Detectives on Monday expect to review videotape of the fight captured on cameras mounted in the bus, Witt said. Charges are likely to be filed against at least some of the teens, Witt said, but that decision rests with the King County Prosecutors Office. http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/333 ... ource=mypi


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buy The Right Grade, Not the Most Expensive You don't need to buy the highest priced gasoline. Most cars are built to run on regular unleaded. Check your owners manual or consult a mechanic. I have had many tell me that the more expensive gas is a waste of money. That is correct! The octane rating is just the ping rating, and except during very hard and sporty driving or towing a trailer uphill, totally irrelevant. If your engine does not ping during normal driving, then there is no need to buy gas with a higher octane rating. Under normal conditions, power, performance and efficiency depend only on how many calories or BTU's you get per Liter or Gallon. That is the same for both types of gas, even in the rare cases where they actually have separate tanks, not just separate filler hoses. If you are concerned about keeping the engine clean, run it hot, in the upper third of "Normal", at least once per month. Because of slow traffic and radiators made to be good enough for Texas, you may need a piece of cardboard to restrict the air flow to the radiator. Keep an eye on the temperature gauge and remove the cardboard if the temperature goes into the red. Also check the radiator fluid regularly. Proper engine temp is more important than any gasoline additives. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Dianne for this story: 50 years ago, the Dodgers left Brooklyn for LA... From that first game in LA I remeber this: It was the first year the Dodgers played in L.A., 1958, and it was a beautiful Spring Friday when my father showed up at 10:00 in the morning and took me out of school to go see the game. As we were pulling away from the school, my father spots a priest walking across the playground. He tells me to go ask the priest if we can get a dispensation to eat hot dogs instead of fish today. So I jump out of the car and run over to the priest and ask him. He wrinkles his forehead and it looks like he's reviewing canonical law in his head. Finally he looks down at me and says, "I think getting out of school is enough dispensation for one day." So I tell my father this and he just grunts and nods and begins to pull away again, but as he pulls up even with the priest, he stops the car and rolls down his window. Then he leans out and says, "Any man who wouldn't let a little kid have a hot dog at the ballpark is a jerk!" I was aghast. I was certain my father had just committed a mortal sin, at the least, and that if he didn't confess his immortal soul would be in jeopardy. "Dad!" I exclaimed, "he's a PRIEST!" "Oh, excuse me," my father says, then he rolls down his window again and calls out, "Father Jerk!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
One psychiatrist has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely. He puts a cell phone in their hands.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Lightbulb Sculpture
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Dear Webby: Windows CardCare 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 30, 2007

Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan Men live in a fantasy world. I know this because I am one, and I actually receive my mail there. --- Scott Adams
From Bill Re: wireless internet Tell them to check into "Clearwire" (www.clearwire.com), a lot of areas have it now. As for cellphone based internet, if she is in an area where the "3G" network is (AT&T for one), it has quite satisfactory speeds. Bill From John Re: Wear something red on Friday to show your support of the troops Suggestion: Mention this on Thursday instead of Friday. For me, and probably many others, I am already dressed for the day when I get your reminder on Friday and it is inconvenient for me to go back and change clothes. John Birch Will do! DearWebby

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+ The Catholic Glossary + -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows. BULLETIN: 1. Parish information read only during the homily. 2. Catholic air conditioning. 3. Your receipt for attending Mass. CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Congregation to lip-sync. HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY. HYMN: A song of praise, usually sung in a key three octaves higher than that of the congregation's range. RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass, often sung a little more quietly, since most of the people have already left. INCENSE: Holy Smoke! JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to found colleges with good basketball teams. JONAH: The original "Jaws" story. JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own. KYRIE ELIEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can recognize besides gyros and baklava. MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower. MANGER: 1. Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered by an HMO. 2. The Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has always been rough. PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic Churches. PROCESSION: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass, consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners looking for seats. RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass - led by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot. RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long, they actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand. TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David Letterman. USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating capacity of a pew. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Tennessee Lottery Commission Win, Win, Win! September 22, 2007 - Nashville, Tennessee - UPI The Tennessee Lottery decided to make good on two sets of numbers after broadcasting the wrong ones as winners. The recent glitch cost the state about $25,000, The (Nashville) Tennessean reported. It was the third foul-up in the month since the lottery switched from numbers generated by pop-up balls to computer-generated numbers. In the most recent mistake, an employee pushed the wrong button, sending a test-run to television stations instead of the real winners. Lottery officials quickly corrected the error. In earlier mistakes, misprinted tickets almost doubled the size of the Powerball jackpot from $15 million to $29 million and in August a programming error kept certain numbers from being drawn. http://www.arcamax.com/weirdnews/s-236505-749172
Thanks to Sandie for this picture of her Birds of Paradise! This one bloomed today.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lori Re: Windows CardCare Dear Webby. Hi--sure do enjoy your newsletter. I have a question I hope you can answer. In my control panel, a new program is showing up called Windows CardCare. I did not install it, and it does not show up in the installed programs list. I have run 4 different spyware programs, and it does not show up. When I mouse over the program icon, it says "Manage Information Cards used to log on and register with Websites and online services". When I right click it, it gives 4 options: open,cut,create shortcut and delete. When I hit the delete, it asked if I wanted to remove the icon. When I tried to open it(yes, stupid of me, I know), it froze up my computer and I had to do a hard reboot to get out of it. I looked it up on google and other search engines, and can't find anything. Do you have any idea what it is, can I remove it, and if so, how? Thank you so much for any help you can give me. Lori Dear Lori I could not find anything about "Windows CardCare" either, not even at Microsoft. While it is entirely possible that it is some kind of wanna-be imitation of RoboForm, or pretending to be, I personally would not trust a program acting like malware and not having a legitimate and complete un-install facility. If I encountered something that I did not install and could not get rid off, I would back up the data and format the machine. However, I will post this and see if somebody else has heard about it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman."

Deeli's Kudos September 30, 2007 - Scottsdale, Arizona - Happy News Phoenix's Sunnyslope Youth Center will get a makeover on Sept. 28, when volunteers from Henkel North America in Scottsdale, which markets brands like Renuzit(R) air fresheners, Dial(R) soap, and Purex(R) laundry detergents, visit to lend a helping hand to the center. The Youth Center specializes in offering Hip Hop, Break Dancing, Ballet Folklorico and mural arts classes to youth ages 12 to 18. More than 20 employees from Henkel will team up with volunteers from Sunnyslope, as well as Keep Phoenix Beautiful, an affiliate of Keep America Beautiful, the nation's largest volunteer-based community action and education organization, to help clean and refurbish the center. The Sunnyslope outreach is an extension of the beautification work Henkel volunteers from Scottsdale will be doing earlier in the week in Gainesville, Texas, a community selected in a recent national contest. Both visits are part of Henkel's celebration of Friendship Day, which marks the company's founding on Sept. 26, 1876, in Germany. http://www.happynews.com/news/9202007/s ... g-hand.htm


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Jumping on The Mattress While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress. It can also be dangerous. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother-in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "The stupid lion got himself in trouble, let him get himself out of it."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Richard said he had a hat that says, "For sale- Ex Wife. Take over payments." Leo said, "It was all going OK until we split the house. Seems I got the OUT-side."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cowboy Country
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Wireless Broadband Internet 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 29, 2007

A liberal is a person whose interests aren't at stake at the moment. --- Willis Player
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Only women of a certain era will fully appreciate this....true story. A Michigan woman and her family were vacationing in a small new England town where Paul Newman and his family often visited. One Sunday morning, the woman got up early to take a long walk. After a brisk five-mile hike, she decided to treat herself to a double-dip chocolate ice cream cone. She hopped in the car, drove to the center of the village and went straight to the combination bakery/ice cream parlor. There was only one other patron in the store. Paul Newman, sitting at the counter having a doughnut and coffee. The woman's heart skipped a beat as her eyes made contact with those famous baby-blue eyes. With a slow smile, the actor nodded graciously and the star struck woman smiled demurely. Pull yourself together! She chides herself. You're a happily married woman with three grown children, you're fifty years old, not a teenager! The clerk filled her order and she took the double-dip chocolate ice cream cone in one hand and her change in the other. Then she went out the door, avoiding even a glance in Paul Newman's direction. When she reached her car, she realized that she had a handful of change but her other hand was empty. Where's my ice cream cone? Oh for heavens sake did I leave it in the store? Back into the shop she went, expecting to see the cone still in the clerk's hand or in a holder on the counter or something. No ice cream cone was in sight. With that, she happened to look over at Paul Newman. His face broke into his familiar warm friendly grin and he said to the woman, "You put it in your purse."
Thanks to Cookie for bringing back this classic: Keep this philosophy in mind the next time you hear or are about to repeat a rumour. In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was widely lauded for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance, who ran up to him excitedly and said, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students...?" "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before you tell me, I'd like you to pass a little test. It's called the Test of Three." "Test of Three?" "That's correct," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student let's take a moment to test what you're going to say. The first test is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man replied, "actually I just heard about it." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second test, the test of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "No, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him even though you're not certain it's true?" The man shrugged, a little embarrassed. Socrates continued, "You may still pass though, because there is a third test - the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, not really..." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither True nor Good nor even Useful, why tell it to me at all?" The man was defeated and ashamed and said no more. This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why Socrates never found out that Plato was banging his wife.

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"Uh Oh!" said an ardent young man reading a letter. His friend, standing near him, said, "Bad news?" "Disturbing news, anyway," said the young man. "It's from someone who says if I don't stay away from his wife, he'll kill me." "In that case, if I were you, I would stay away from his wife." "Gladly, but who? The letter is anonymous." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Yuniel Falcon of Broward County, Florida False Alert September 20, 2007 - Pompano Beach, Florida - AP Broward County authorities now say the man who said a 10-year-old boy was missing lied to detectives. Yuniel Falcon said he was in a car with his stepson, Louis Gonzalez, when two men approached the vehicle on the street. Falcon claimed he had just left a bank when an armed suspect forced him out of the car and drove off with the boy still in the vehicle. An Amber Alert was issued for the child, but a sheriff's office spokesman says Falcon "made it all up." The spokesman says the story about a carjacking was fabricated and Falcon invented the missing child to cover up an illicit transaction involving money that was owed or a possible scam. Falcon faces charges for making a false report and interfering with an investigation, the sheriff's office said. Other charges are pending. http://www.wftv.com/irresistible/14159959/detail.html

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sharon Re: Wireless broadband Internet Dear Webby. I love your humor. I've told many of your jokes to many people. Thanks for sharing them & your pics. I was asked by a friend if there was any wireless internet service she could check into that did not require a land phone line. I believe she uses a cell phone only & does not have cable tv either. I told her I would ask someone who would probably know. Your tech dept has been a lot of help. Also I keep seeing soemthing that says to use the "return" key to get back to something previoulsy viewed. What is the retuen key? I susally use the back arrow button on the taskbar. Just curious. Thanks again. Sharon Dear Sharon Verizon and a few others have a cell modem. It works slightly better than dial-up, but everybody I know that uses it, hates it. They consider it an emergency measure until they can get back to DSL or cable. Then there is Wireless High Speed Internet in some areas. Some towns have it, but most don't. Most rural areas in Canada have it, but in the US, most don't have it yet. Unless your friend is on the run, I would recommend that she get herself a land line. Return Key: With electric typewriters, that's the Carriage Return key that looks like the Enter key on a computer keyboard. Some silly bozos call the BackSpace key a "Return key". That is usually due to too much booze and/or dope and not remembering that the phrase is supposed to be: To return to the previous page, hit the Backspace key. By the way, in the really old days, before electric typewriters, you had to slap the carriage to return it to the right. That led to a few hilarious moments when typists switched to Wang Word Processors, IBM DisplayWrite or PCs, as you can see in this movie that Noella sent me today. Return! Have FUN! DearWebby
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An elderly Jewish man is sitting on a park bench reading Louis Farrakhan's newspaper. His best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops - in shock. "What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the 'Jewish Journal'!" The elderly man replies, "The Jewish Journal has stories about anti-Semitism, problems in Israel - all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news." His friend gasps, "WHAT good news could possibly be in that paper???" "Well, Farrakhan's paper says the Jews have all the money, the Jews control the banks, the Jews control the press, the Jews control Hollywood -- see? It's all *good* news!"

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Japan - AP Tomoji Tanabe was born Sept. 18, 1895, and was named the world's oldest living male after the death of a Puerto Rican man who died in January at the age of 115. The mayor of Tanabe's hometown presented the elder with a bouquet and a letter of congratulations. A former city land surveyor who lives with his son and daughter-in-law, Tanabe is in good health and is known to guzzle milk. He also keeps a diary, avoids alcohol and does not smoke. Japan has one of the world's longest average life spans, a factor often attributed to a healthy diet rich in fish and rice. http://www.wftv.com/family/14143039/detail.html


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No Jumping on The Mattress While it's a lot of fun, don't let kids or adults jump on mattresses. It can permanently damage the supports inside the mattress and cause it to wear out faster. A small trampoline is much cheaper than buying a new mattress. It can also be dangerous. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The first lady says, "You know girls, I have known you all a long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen from you and I never will; we have been friends for too long." The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have been friends for too long." "Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long for me to ruin our friendship." The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some phone calls to make!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A little girl was playing quietly while her mom and another lady friend were talking. The little girl let out a big fart. Her mother said "What do you say Suzy?", expecting the reply, "Excuse me." What she said instead was "Watch out, here comes another one!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Huntington Railroad Society
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Dear Webby: Install the phone 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 28, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!

They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. --- Andy Warhol
Smith was seated comfortably in his living room one evening when a rock crashed through the window and landed at his feet, amidst a shower of splintered glass. To the rock was attached a note: "Unless you pay us $10,000 according to instructions, we will kidnap your wife." After some thought, Smith sat down at his desk and penned a reply: "Gentlemen, Your rock of this date has been received. I don't have $10,000 at this time. However, keep in touch, as your proposition interests me..."
A minister who was very fond of pure, hot horseradish always kept a bottle of it on his dining room table. He offered some to a guest, who took a big spoonful. When the guest finally was able to speak, he gasped, "I've heard many ministers preach hellfire, but you are the first one I've met who passed out a sample of it..."

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A couple were being given a guided tour of Pico da Bandeira, one of the highest mountains in the Americas. Their guide pointed out where a young couple, petrified by lava, had been discovered. They had died in the act of making love. "How awful !" exclaimed the wife. "Si, but what a great way to spend eternity." added the guide... Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Henry Ledwik, 31, of Calhoun County, Alabama Gun Nut Man arrested for having rocket launcher The Associated Press | Thursday, Sep 27 2007 1:50 PM Last Updated: Thursday, Sep 27 2007 1:50 PM A 31-year-old man was arrested Tuesday by federal agents and sheriff's officials acting on a tip that the convicted burglar had a rocket launcher. Paul Henry Ledwik was arrested without incident on a felon in possession of firearms warrant issued by a federal judge in Corpus Christi. He was being held in the Aransas County Jail, awaiting transfer to a federal court appearance in Corpus Christi, officials said. Jail officials did not make Ledwik available for comment. They didn't have information on whether Ledwik had an attorney. Calhoun County Sheriff B.B. Browning said he notified federal agents about the rocket launcher after hearing about it from someone who saw it in Ledwik's apartment. "It's a shoulder firearm, a one-time rocket launcher," federal agent Rick Miller said in a story for Wednesday editions of the Victoria Advocate. "You use it once and throw it away. To my knowledge, there's no way to reload it. It wouldn't fire again." Members of the Sheriff's Office SWAT team and ATF agents seized the launcher, four rifles, a handgun and several boxes of ammunition. Browning said Ledwik is "a man who loves guns and loves to hunt, but he's not supposed to be doing it. He can't even get a hunting license, but he hunts anyway. I have no idea where he gets the guns." Ledwik has served prison time for 10 convictions of burglary in Calhoun County, officials said.

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Lee Re: Subscription Dear Webby, I have been receiving your newsletter for some time now. I am registered under ...@alphalink.com.au. Early this year I changed over to a broadband connection and change to ...@netspace.net.au. For about six months I received the newsletter at this address but then it suddenly stopped coming in. I reverted back to the alphalink address and that one works. However that account is about to expire this week and I need to get it back through the netspace account. I have been through everything I can think of. I have your email address in my address book, I have double checked all my junk mail settings to make sure your address didn't get entered by mistake and I have also added you to the white list in my netspace site. But I still can't get the newsletter on the netspace address. Can you suggest anything else? I know I can just go to your website and read it there but I would still like to get it sent to me direct as I enjoy reading your newsletter very much. And I just love the pictures that you send with it especially the cactus flowers from your dad. Hoping you can help, Regards Susan Lee Dear Susan Lee Your Humor Letter gets INTO the netspace server. Once it is in their server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. You will have to screech a temper tantrum at the boneheads, and may have to threaten dire consequences. Here is some ammo that you can use: The Dear Webby Humor Letter is "The Good Example" for legitimate newsletters: The Dear Webby Humor Letter is sent from a server that has a Listed Sender ID, it has a privacy policy listed, it has FULL contact information listed, it is sent to double-opt-in verified subscribers only, it has click-on un-subscribe links, it shows the subscriber which of their addresses is subscribed, it has an on-line copy ( at http://webby.com/humor ), it is sent from a company that has never spammed, it is sent from a server that has never been used for spamming, it is sent from a hosting system that does not allow spamming, it has consistent, never changing headers. it is family safe. webby.com 64.237.99.19 is not in ANY RBL blacklist: http://www.dnsstuff.com/tools/ip4r.ch?ip=64.237.99.19 The Humor Letter always has these lines in the header: From: humor@webby.com Reply-To: humor@webby.com Those lines have not changed in 11 years and can be used for white-listing With the Listed Sender ID, even the excuse, that spammers may have forged a Webby address as their sender address, falls flat. In summary, there is absolutely NO legitimate reason or excuse for ANY spam complaint regarding the DearWebby Humor Letter or any mail from webby.com, and any complaint only discredits the complainer. Any failure to deliver or bounce only proves the incompetence of the recipient's mail service. Good Luck DearWebby
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Thanks to Vickey for this one: "Watch out," the wife cautioned her husband, who was driving. "Don't you see that car is braking?" Then she snapped, "Don't pass that truck, his tire is wobbling." The husband turned on his CB and informed the trucker about his loose wheel. The wife, in a nasty mood because of a headache, was irritated by the incessant squealing of the CB. "Why do you always get so much static?" she asked. "Because," her long-suffering husband replied, "I'm married."

Deeli's Kudos September 21, 2007 - Sichuan Province, China - Gimundo If you're single, you may think it's hard to meet that special someone – but you've still got it way better than wild pandas in China do. After all, the 600 pandas in China's Sichuan Province can't meet up at bars or coffee shops. They probably can't hack it at Match.com, either. And these days, even crossing paths in the jungle can be problematic. Since the 1950s, the pandas' mountainous territory has been divided in two by a major highway. As if that isn't enough of a p itfall, the poor animals also have the high waters of the nearby river to contend with. "The pandas want to find a mate, but they can't cross the river. In the south part, the pandas cannot communicate with each other, because the landscape is fragmented," biologist Yin Kaipu told Australia's Daily Telegraph. Luckily, scientists have finally come up with an innovative way to bring the lovelorn pandas from the North and the South together again. Their solution? A special bamboo-filled "dating and mating lane" that links the two disparate regions. Sure, the new bamboo corridor may not be as classy as the restaurant your last date took you to – but as far as the pandas are concerned, it's got a special ambiance of its own. If nothing else, it provides them with the perfect opportunity to mingle with the opposite sex – which should go a long way towards keeping this amazing species alive and thriving for many years to come. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... red_Pandas


The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checkout Surprise Tired of being surprised by the total when you get at the checkout? Carry a small calculator and keep a running total as you go through the store. It eliminates the surprise (or shock) of hearing the total from the checker and also makes it easy to stick to your grocery budget. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young doctor had just opened office and felt really excited. His secretary told him a man was here to see him. The young doctor told her to send him in. Pretending to be a busy doctor, he picked up the phone just as the man came in. "Yes, that's right. The fee is $200. Yes, I'll expect you ten past two. Alright. No later. I'm a very busy man." He hung up and turned to the man waiting. "May I help you?" "No," said the man, "I just came in to install the phone...."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Lori, the pert and pretty Nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked. "Doctor, you must help me." she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up in bed with him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week." "I see." nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter." "For God's sake, NO!" exclaimed the Nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward."

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Dear Webby: When to format and start over 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 27, 2007

When you look at yourself from a universal standpoint, something inside always reminds or informs you that there are bigger and better things to worry about. ---Albert Einstein
Two old men were comparing their sex lives. First Guy ­ "I can still do it twice!" Second Guy ­ "Impressive, which time is best?" First Guy ­ "I think the winter..."
There were three friends that always wanted to play golf every Saturday afternoon, but couldn't because of their wives, so one day after many years they finally got together on the golf course and were waiting at the first tee when one guy said, "I had to buy my wife a diamond necklace to get to play today!!!" The second said, "That's nothing I had to buy MY wife a new sports car to get out here today!!!" The third said, "Boy you guys are a couple of wimps; I didn't have to buy my wife nothing!!!" They both look at him and asked how he managed that! The smartest of the three said, "It was easy, when I got up this morning I looked her straight in the eye and asked, "Golf course or Intercourse?" She threw me a sweater and said, "Take this, it might get chilly out there!"

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The newly wed wife said to her husband when he returned from work: "I have great news for you. Pretty soon we're going to be three in this house instead of two." The husband started glowing with happiness and kissing his wife said: "Oh darling, I'm the happiest man in the world." With a fair bit of doubt in her voice, she replied: "I hope you continue feeling that way after my mother moves in with us tomorrow." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andrei Shcherbakov, 15, Perm, Russia Teen survives ride in jet wing From correspondents in Moscow September 27, 2007 10:30am A 15-YEAR-old Russian boy suffered acute frostbite after riding the wing of a Boeing-737 plane on a 1300km two-hour flight. With temperatures hitting minus 50C and the plane at a cruising speed of 900km/h, the teenager Andrei Shcherbakov collapsed onto the tarmac when the plane landed. He had clung on for the entire flight from Perm in Russia's Ural region to Vnukova Airport in Moscow. His arms and legs were so severely frozen that rescuers were at first unable to remove his coat and shoes. He was taken by ambulance to hospital where doctors are trying to save his hands. When he awoke, Andrei told police that he had decided to run away from his alcoholic father and their home in Perm. He went to his grandmother's house and had dinner before telling her that he was going to spend the night at his friend's house, who had a birthday. Instead, the boy took a taxi and went to the airport. "I had some money with me. I just wanted to take a look at the planes. I was wandering about the territory of the airport and saw a hole in its fence," he said. "I sneaked in and approached a big plane. It was already dark and no-one saw me. I didn't know what to do next. "Eventually, I decided to climb up the landing gear into the wing. When I was in, I sat down there on a tyre and fell asleep." The boy said he woke up when the plane was flying. "I got so scared and fainted. I don't remember what was happening afterwards. They told me later that I had spent about two hours at the height of 10,000 meters at very low temperatures. I came to my senses again when the plane had already landed. I got down on the runway and collapsed. I could not control my legs and it was very cold," he said. Airport workers saw the teenager falling down on the ground from the hull of the plane. He was taken to hospital in a half-conscience state. When at the hospital, he complained his hands were burning. Moscow's air and water transport control department said the boy's parents were immediately informed when he fell to the runway tarmac and his mother Olga flew to the capital the same day, Saturday. Mrs Shcherbakov arrived in Moscow and took her son back home to Perm because the family could not afford the expensive hospital treatment. A doctor from the Perm hospital, where the boy is staying at the moment, said that the tissue of the boy's hands started dying away, which may make surgeons amputate both hands. http://www.news.com.au/story/0,23599,22 ... 62,00.html
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chaloots Re: Windows malfunction Dear Webby, ....But I'm unable to vote or open any of Diane's pages. My arrow goes on the open part then turns into a small hand, but when I click on them nothing happens ...they don't open up. Any ideas ??? Also I have recently hooked up with Roadrunner last July, and have had trouble everyday since. When I open it asks for my name & password. I type it in but it wont take my password, so I have to change it. I wouldn't mind once in awhile but every day.. Even if I go to a different page with out closing it, I return and it wont take my pass word again. So I have to do the above mention again. I have had 2 men come to my home and set me up, but the following day it starts all over again. Got me stumped......................... any suggestions ???? Would appreciate a reply when ever you get a chance. Sincerely, Chaloots Dear Chaloots If my computer acted THAT weirdly, I would format it and re-install everything, or sell it and get a new one. Good Luck DearWebby
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A newly married couple went to a family picnic at his parent's house, and the new wife was doing her best to learn the names of brothers, sisters, cousins, and all of the associated wives, husbands and children. However, there was one guy there that she just couldn't keep straight in her mind, no matter what she tried. Finally, he bailed her out, telling her his name was Dick. "Of course!" she said quickly, without thinking. "How could I ever forget? You even *look* like a Dick!"

Deeli's Kudos A supermarket had a sale on boneless chicken breasts, and a woman I know intended to stock up. At the store, however, she was disappointed to find only a few skimpy pre-packaged portions of the poultry, so he complained to the butcher. "Don't worry, ya ," he said. "I'll pack some more trays and have them ready for you by the time you finish shopping." Several aisles later, my friend heard the butcher's voice boom over the public-address system: "Will the lady who wanted bigger breasts please meet me at the back of the store."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Packed Lunches All four of my kids take packed lunches. To save money on the snacks that go in, I buy big bags of chips, cheeses, whatever, and bargain sandwich bags, then pack the snacks in them. I also make my own peanut butter crackers too, with saltines or Ritz-type. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A retired four-star general ran into his former orderly, also retired, in a Manhattan bar and spent the rest of the evening persuading him to come work for him as his valet. "Your duties will be exactly the same as they were in the Army," the general said. "Nothing to it-you'll catch on again fast." Next morning promptly at eight o'clock, the ex-orderly entered the ex-general's bedroom, pulled open the drapes, gave the general a gentle shake, strode around the other side of the bed, spanked his employer's wife on her bottom and said, "OK, sweetheart, it's back to the village for you."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Grandparents are similar to a piece of string ~ handy to have around and easily wrapped around the fingers of grandchildren...

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Goofy Cats
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Dear Webby: Vista Mail Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 26, 2007

First love is a kind of vaccination which saves a man from catching the complaint a second time. --- Honore de Balzac One never notices what has been done; one can only see what remains to be done. --- Marie Curie
From Jai: Dear Webby, Just wanted to tell you I snagged that hard drive for $35. + $19.95 shipping. So for $55. I have a great photo keeper. Thanks to you and your timely information. So here is another joke for you: A city slicker was driving too fast when he came over a hill and encountered a flock of chickens in the middle of the country road. He slammed on the brakes and scattered the flock, but ran over the rooster. Wanting to do the right thing, he stopped at the farmhouse to report what had happened. When the old farmer came to the door, the motorist confessed, "I just ran over your rooster, but I'm willing to replace him". "Fine", said the farmer. "Let me hear you crow". Jai...>^.^<...
Thanks to Unc Wes for this one: ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!

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ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question? Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alejandro Valencio in Evansville, Indiana Has not gotten the hint yet September 20, 2007 - Evansville, Indiana - AP Firefighters had to tear though a wall to rescue an intoxicated man who became stuck while trying to climb down a chimney into the residence of his former girlfriend. Alejandro Valencio said he was drunk when he got into the chimney about 3:30 a.m. Tuesday. "Everyone does stupid things sometimes when they're drunk," he said. Firefighters requested assistance from police after arriving because they said Connie Deweese was hampering the rescue effort by blocking the fireplace. "I told them to leave him in the chimney and let him die," said Deweese, who received misdemeanor citations for disorderly conduct and interfering with a firefighter. Deweese said she had known Valencio for about eight months but had told him to stay away from her residence. She said she locked the doors but "somehow he got to the roof." Valencio returned to the residence after being treated at a hospital and was filmed by a local TV station as Deweese hit him with a garbage can and pelted him with bottles. "Get off my porch, and don't you ever come back here," she yelled. Valencio said he had a job and would help pay for the damages incurred from his rescue. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070920/D8RP58M80.html

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: Vista mail Dear Webby, I need your help.I have a new computer which we bought about two months ago.It has windows vista on it.I'm using Inetrnet Explorer as my browser.I have one email that I cannot delete.I restored my comp. thinking that would help. It didn't.When I try to delete it a message comes up and says,message could not be read,windows mail encountered an unexpected problem while displaying this message. Check your comp. for low memory or low disk space and try again.I shouldn't have low disk space.Have hardly used anything on it.I have a 320 GB hard drive.Hopefully you can help. Thanks, Rita T Dear Rita That is one of the reasons I still recommend to stick with XP and wait with Vista until it works properly. In your case, it looks like Vista broke the email database by deleting part of a message, and not deleting it's listing from the index. If you stick with Vista, you'll have to get used to that. You can try finding that semi-deleted message in the trash and undeleting it. It might be a waste of time, but there is a small chance that the index will latch up again and list it properly. Then you can delete it again and hopefully this time it will do it properly. Good Luck DearWebby
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A woman and her five year old daughter were in a checkout line at a grocery store, when the young one became upset about something. She announced, "As soon as we get home I'm going to run away." Well, of course the best thing for the mother to do was to let her child come to her own realization that it wouldn't work, so she asked her, "Why wait until you get home. Why don't you just run away from here?" The child was ready with an answer, "Because I don't know my way to grandma's house from here."

Deeli's Kudos September 13, 2007 - China - Daily Mail They're an odd couple in every sense but a monkey and a pigeon have become inseparable at an animal sanctuary in China. The 12-week-old macaque, who was abandoned by his mother, was close to death when it was rescued on Neilingding Island, in Goangdong Province. After being taken to an animal hospital his health began to improve but he seemed spiritless until he developed a friendship with a white pigeon. The blossoming relationship helped to revive the macaque who has developed a new lease of life, say staff at the sanctuary. Now the unlikely duo are never far from each other's side, but they aren't the only ones to strike up an unusual friendship. Earlier this year a pig adopted a tiger cub and raised him along with her piglets because his mother couldn't feed him. http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/a ... ge_id=1811

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hiring Movers If you are hiring movers, be sure to ask them what their insurance covers before packing anything yourself. Quite often, they will only cover boxes that they have packed. Unless you want to use the move as an opportunity to sort what to keep and what to toss, let the movers do the packing. They don't get emotional over items you thought you had lost, and they know how to pack stuff quickly and efficiently and safely. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Once there was a man who prided himself on having all of the latest gadgets for his car. One day a young man pulled up alongside his car in an old, beat up VW and waved a sheet of fax paper, yelling, "Look what I've got!" Not to be outdone, the man had a fax installed in his car that very afternoon. The next time he saw the VW, it was parked and the windows seemed to be steamed up. The man rapped on a window and when the young man appeared, waved a sheet of fax paper at him and said, "I've got one too." The young man gave him a disdainful look and said, "You got me out of the shower just to tell me that?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: Judy came home from her first day commuting into the city. Her husband noticed she was looking a little peaked and asked, "Honey, are you feeling all right?" "Not really," she replied. "I'm nauseous from sitting backward on the train." "Poor dear," he said. "Why didn't you ask the person sitting across from you to switch seats for a while?" "I couldn't," she replied, "there was no one there."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: World Postage Stamps
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Dear Webby: USB hard drives 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 25, 2007

There is absolutely no inevitability as long as there is a willingness to contemplate what is happening. --- Marshall McLuhan The human mind treats a new idea the same way the body treats a strange protein; it rejects it. --- P. B. Medawar
Thanks to Sandie for this story: On my first day working at the gas station, I watched a senior co-worker measure the level of gasoline in the underground tanks by lowering a giant measuring stick down into them. "What would happen if I threw a lit match into the hole?" I joked. "It would go out," he replied very matter of factly. "Really?" I asked, surprised to hear that. "Is there a lack of oxygen down there or some safety device that would extinguish it before the fumes ignited?" "No," my co-worker continued. "The force from the explosion would blow out the match."
Thanks to Vickey for this story: A member of the Country Club asked the lifeguard how he might go about teaching a young lady to swim. "It takes considerable time and technique." replied the guard. "First you must take her into the water, then place one arm about her waist, hold her tightly, then take her right arm and raise it very slowly....." "This is certainly most helpful." said the member. "I know that my sister will appreciate it." "Your sister?" said the lifeguard. "In that case, just push her into the deep end of the pool. She'll learn in a hurry."

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A lawyer cross-examined the adversary's main witness. "You claim to have stopped by Mrs. Edwards' house just after breakfast. Will you tell the jury what she said?" "Objection, your honor," shouted the other lawyer. There then followed a long argument between the lawyers as to whether the question was proper. Finally, after 45 minutes, the judge allowed it. "So," the first lawyer continued, "Please answer the question: What did Mrs. Edwards say when you went to her house after breakfast on December 3rd?" "Nothing," said the witness. "No one was home." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matt Wilkinson, 23. of Portland, Oregon Dumber than a snake September 19, 2007 - Portland, Oregon - AP Snake collector Matt Wilkinson of Portland grabbed a 20-inch rattler from the highway near Maupin, and three weeks later, to impress his ex-girlfriend, he stuck the serpent in his mouth. He was soon near death with a swollen tongue that blocked his throat. Trauma doctors at the Oregon Health and Science University saved his life. "You can assume alcohol was involved," he said. Actually, not just beer. It was something he called a "mixture of stupid stuff." It happened at a barbecue with friends. Wilkinson, 23, had downed a six-pack and his ex-girlfriend asked him for a beer. He handed her one, not realizing the snake was also in his hand. "She said, 'Get that thing out of my face,"' Wilkinson said. "I told her it was a nice snake. 'Nothing can happen. Watch."' So he stuck the snake in his mouth. "It got a hold of my tongue," he said. He was having breathing problems when his ex-girlfriend drove him to the hospital. "She was the only one sober," Wilkinson said. En route, they spotted a police car and asked for help. The Poison Control Center sees about 50 people a year with snake bites, usually hikers. Wilkinson, who works in construction, has yet to return to work. His three Western diamondback rattlers have been removed from his home. http://www.kirotv.com/irresistible/14150897/detail.html
Thanks to Martin for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: USB Hard drive on eBay Dear Webby This is a url to ebay, where I went just looking at usb harddrives. Is this what you mean by one? Others are over $100., this is $19.98& S&H. I have gazzillions of photos on my pc and do not want to cram my new lappie with them, so your info about a usb harddrive was right on time for me. EXTERNAL 60GB POCKET SIZE PORTABLE USB 2.0 HARD DRIVE Jai Dear Jai Yes, that looks right. I have a few of those, and they all work fine. Keep in mind that is not a "Buy Now" fixed price, but just where the auction is at right now. As it gets closer to cut-off, people will probably bid it up to around $60 - $70. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Cookie for this: Before Marriage - - - She: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait. He: Do you want me to leave She: HELL NO! Don't even think about it. He: Do you love me? She: Of course! Over and over! He: Have you ever cheated on me? She: HELL NO! Why are you even asking? He: Will you kiss me? She: Every chance I get! He: Will you hit me? She: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person! He: Can I trust you? She: Yes. He: Darling! After marriage --- - - - simply read from bottom to top !!

Deeli's Kudos September 20, 2007 - Nairobi, Kenya - Gimundo In Kenya's capital, Nairobi, you can identify the city's largest shantytown, Kibera, by its pungent stench. Dirty diapers, rotten food, medical waste – Kibera's residents are forced to wade through the thick mass of debris and filth on a daily basis. Unfortunately, they have no alternative: The area doesn't have the money for a waste-disposal service. However, it looks like a new United Nations-sponsored project will do wonders for getting the trash out of Kibera – and it'll help the locals put dinner on the table, too. Confused? Don't worry – it's all perfectly hygienic. The United Nations team has purchased a large incinerator, which is capable of burning large quantities of the village's trash heap at once. As the garbage burns, residents can use the heat from the flames to boil water and to cook meals – a rare opportunity in an area where many have never eaten a hot meal before. As an added bonus, the new program even provides jobs to hundreds of local youths, who are paid to gather trash from the streets as fuel for the incinerator. Kibera may never be the greenest of neighborhoods, but the new program is already making a notable difference in an area long known for its awful pollution. "What the stove has done is basically to make rubbish into something you can use," the United Nations Environmental Program chief Achim Steiner told AFP News. The UN hopes to expand the program into other African slums in the coming years. But for now, at least, the residents of Kibera can rest assured that they won't be holding their noses forever. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... ity_Cooker

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Child Sized Dressers and Closets A smaller dresser makes it much easier for children to deal with their clothing. Top drawers might need a stool as do high bars in closets. Consider installing a short closet rod that your child can reach easier. It's easy to add an additional rod or just move the existing one lower. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A city boy was visiting the country and wanted to go hunting. The farmer lent the boy his gun, telling him not to kill any farm animals. The city boy headed off and soon after saw a goat. He managed to creep into range and finally shot it. Not knowing anything about animals, the boy didn't know what he'd killed so he ran to the farmhouse and described his kill to the farmer. "It had two saggy tits, a beard, a hard head and it stunk like hell!" said the boy. "Oh, dang!" said the farmer. "You've shot my mother-in-law!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the campus intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "The twelve hundred students, who went to move 26 cars, may now return to class."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Adirondack Park, largest of all US parks
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Dear Webby: Hotmail Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 24, 2007

The average, healthy, well-adjusted adult gets up at seven-thirty in the morning feeling just plain terrible. --- Jean Kerr ------------ Guess I am not well-adjusted.
Now you're customizing the jokes????~~~~~~~~~~~~ Approaching the counter at a local post office, ninimom said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." Pretty funny. Love your humor. ninimom Dear Ninimom I have occasionally done that for the last 12 years, whenever I came across a joke that was not offensive to the person named in it. I have now changed your First name to start with a capital "N". And when "Ms Bernadette Gugelhopf-McGee III" tells me to change her FIRST name to Bernie, I'll gladly do that. The same goes for all those who didn't put a FIRST name or nickname down when they subscribed, and are greeted with "Friend", instead of by their first or favorite nickname. Just hit REPLY and tell me by what name I should greet you! Have FUN! DearWebby
Women's Bumper Stickers -------------------------------------------------------------------- 1. So Many Men, So Few Who Can Afford Me. 2. God Made Us Sisters; Prozac Made Us Friends. 3. My Mother Is a Travel Agent for Guilt Trips. 4. Princess, Having Had Sufficient Experience with Princes, Seeks Frog. 5. Coffee, Chocolate, Men. . . Some Things Are Just Better Rich. 6. Don't Treat Me Any Differently than You Would the Queen. 7. If You Want Breakfast in Bed, Sleep in the Kitchen. 8 Dinner Is Ready When the Smoke Alarm Goes Off. 9. I'm out of Estrogen-and I Have a Gun. 10. Guys Have Feelings Too. But Like...Who Cares? 11. Next Mood Swing: 6 Minutes. 12. And Your Point Is...? 13. Warning: I Have an Attitude and I Know How to Use It. 14. Of Course I Don't Look Busy...I Did it Right the First Time. 15. Do Not Start with Me. You Will Not Win. 16. You Have the Right to Remain Silent, So Please Shut Up. 17. All Stressed out and No One to Choke. 18. I'm One of Those Bad Things That Happen to Good People. 19. How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? 20. Sorry If I Looked Interested. I'm Not. 21. Don't Upset Me! I'm Running out of Places to Hide the Bodies.

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A couple made the decision to purchase a house on the lands of a large nudist resort. Things went well until one day their five-year-old son asked his parents why some men had small penises and others had quite large ones. They told him that the ones with small penises like Daddy were the smart ones. The men with large ones were quite stupid. This seemed to satisfy him. One day over supper, the little guy said "Remember when you told me the difference between men with little and big penises?" "Yes." "Well today, a man knocked on the door and was talking to Mommy. He was really smart, but the longer they talked the stupider he got. Eventually Mommy had to take him into the house and smarten him up!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to James Ayers, 26, and Frederick Guilliee, 38, of Antioch, CA Bad timing September 22, 2007 - Antioch, California - MSNBC Two men who police said broke into a building to steal copper wiring got more than they bargained for: a room full of police officers. Police said 26-year-old James Ayers and Frederick Guilliee, 38, broke into the 40,000-square-foot building at about 6 p.m. Tuesday. What they hadn't planned for is the Antioch police K-9 unit who was holding a training session there. At the time of the break-in, an officer was hiding inside the building in a training exercise. Shortly thereafter, a K-9 officer announced that a dog was about to be released and that anyone inside should give themselves up or risk being bitten. Ayers surrendered immediately, police said, and the K-9 officers found Guilliee hiding inside. Police arrested the men on suspicion of commercial burglary. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20920022/
Thanks to Walter for sending this picture: From the photograher, Dean Shaddock: This was captured as I collected my things from airport security (Detroit Metro Concourse A). I think of it as something like a Rorschach test. Is an elderly Catholic nun being frisked by a Muslim security agent the celebration of blind justice? Or is it simply an admission of absurdity? http://www.flickr.com/photos/cjd/1418632004/
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Brian Re: Hotmail problems Webby I regularly send emails to my friends; one of which has Hotmail. She never receives any of my mails, yet none are returned by the mail administrator. She has emailed me ok. but cannot receive my reply. I am using the latest Thunderbird & Firefox. Any suggestions? Brian Dear Brian Ho'mail is not predictable enough to make any good recommendations. Tell her to pretend to be over 18 and to get a gmail account. Then she will get email reliably and predictably. If you need a referral to gmail, let me know and I'll generate one instantly. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers was concerned that his students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth. He wanted to make sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred for real. He asked his class, "Where is Jesus today?" Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in heaven." Mary was called on and answered, "He's in my heart." , waving a hand furiously, blurted out, "I know, I know! He's in our bathroom!!!" The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited for a response. The teacher was completely at a loss for a few very long seconds. Finally, he gathered his wits and asked to explain. said, "Well . . . every morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells, "Good Lord, are you still in there?!"

Deeli's Kudos September 21, 2007 - Madrid, Spain - Reuters Spanish fashion chain Zara has withdrawn a handbag from its stores after a customer in Britain complained swastikas were embroidered on it. Zara, owned by the world's second largest fashion retailer Inditex, said it did not know the 39 pound ($78) handbag had green swastikas on its corners. The bags were made by a supplier in India and inspired by commonly used Hindu symbols, which include the swastika. The original design approved by Zara did not have swastikas on it, Inditex said. "After the return of one bag we decided to withdraw the whole range," said a spokesman for Inditex, which has more than 3,330 stores in 66 countries. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/reuters/0709 ... astikas_dc

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prepare Your Car For Winter Make sure all your fluids have been checked. Have your radiator, battery and brakes serviced if needed. Make sure you have adequate antifreeze. There is no better time to have your tires aligned and rotated. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Father Murphy walked into a pub in Donegal, and said to the first man he meets, "Do you want to go to heaven?" The man said, "I do Father." The priest said, "Then leave this pub right now!" and approached a second man. "Do you want to got to heaven?" "Certainly, Father," was the man's reply. "Then leave this den of Satan," said the priest, as he walked up to O'Toole. "Do you want to go to heaven?" "No, I don't Father," O'Toole replied. The priest looked him right in the eye, and said, "You mean to tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?" O'Toole smiled, "Oh, when I die, yes, Father. I thought you were getting a group together to go right now..."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A stately-looking matron was walking through the Bronx Zoo, studying the animals. When she passed the porcupine enclosure she beckoned to a nearby attendant. "Young man," she began, "do the North American porcupines have sharper pricks than those from Africa?" The attendant thought a moment. "Well, ma'am," he answered, "the African porcupine's quills are sharper... but I think their pricks are about the same..."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Five Seasons of America's Test Kitchen
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Dear Webby: Why Firefox 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 23, 2007

Always get married early in the morning. That way, if it doesn't work out, you haven't wasted a whole day. --- Mickey Rooney I finally figured out the only reason to be alive is to enjoy it. --- Rita Mae Brown
The girl knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it, child?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Twice a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, took a good look at the girl, and said, "My dear, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake."
This guy was walking along the beach one day and ran across a lamp. He picked it up a rubbed it and a genie popped out. The genie told him he would grant the man three wishes. "First," the guy began, "I'd like a million dollars." POOF! A million dollars was suddenly showing on his checkbook balance. "Second," he continued, "I'd like a new Mercedes." POOF! A Mercedes appeared right in front of him. "Third," the guy smirked, "I'd like to be irresistible to women." POOF! He turned into a VISA card.

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Approaching the counter at a local post office, said to the stern-faced woman on the other side, "Are you the Postmistress?" "No!" she replied testily. "I'm the Postmaster. Uncle Sam doesn't pay me enough to be anyone's mistress." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Louis Pasquale, 35, of Seaford, N.Y. Strong like bull, smart like paddle September 19, 2007 - New York, New York - AP A man who tried to tow his 35-foot fishing vessel to a marina by paddling in a 9-foot inflatable boat was fished out of a Long Island canal by Coast Guard officials Wednesday. "This is one of the most unsafe things I may have ever seen a boater do," said U.S. Coast Guard spokesman Lt. Steven Koch. Louis Pasquale, 35, of Seaford, N.Y., was attempting to tow his fishing vessel Barbara Ann from the North Channel near Bay Shore about 20 miles to Freeport. He was not injured, but not wearing a life jacket, the Coast Guard said. Pasquale reportedly started towing the Barbara Ann at 5:30 a.m from the East Islip Marina, and had managed to move it about 100 yards in three hours when both the Coast Guard and Islip Harbor Police stopped him. A rescue boat crew towed the vessel back to the East Islip Marina, and ordered Pasquale to anchor, the Coast Guard said. He was issued a state summons and a Town of Islip summons for unsafe operation and hazard to navigation. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/ ... 9966.shtml
Thanks to my dad for sending this picture from a hike he was on today:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jaye Re: Why Firefox Dear Webby Why would anyone need to use Firefox Webby, and what program is it? Jaye Dear Jaye Nobody NEEDS to use the Firefox browser. It's just another browser, and people who have religious reasons to look for alternatives to Microsoft products, are free to use it. However, you will still need to use IE to get the automatic security updates and patches for Windows. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
A young woman was driving the speed limit in freeway traffic. Car after car passed her, so she speeded up. Still car after car passed her. Suddenly, in the rear view mirror, she saw the flashing lights of a police cruiser behind her. She pulled over and rolled down her window. The patrol officer walked up and asked her, "Do you know why I stopped you?" And the young woman replied, "Yes. I was the only slow enough for you to catch!"

Deeli's Kudos September 17, 2007 - London, UK - AP British hospitals are banning neckties, long sleeves and jewelry for doctors and their traditional white coats in an effort to stop the spread of deadly hospital-borne infections, according to new rules published Monday. Hospital dress codes typically urge doctors to look professional, which, for male practitioners, has usually meant wearing a tie. But as concern over hospital-born infections has intensified, doctors are taking a closer look at their clothing. ''Ties are rarely laundered but worn daily,'' the Department of Health said in a statement. ''They perform no beneficial function in patient care and have been shown to be colonized by pathogens.'' The new regulations would mean an end to doctors' traditional long-sleeved white coats, Health Secretary Alan Johnson said. Fake nails, jewelry and watches, which the department warned could harbor germs, are also out. Johnson said the ''bare below the elbows'' dress code would help prevent the spread of Methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus, or MRSA, the deadly bacteria resistant to nearly every available antibiotic. Popularly known as a ''superbug,'' MRSA accounts for more than 40 percent of in-hospital blood infections in Britain. Because the bacteria is so hard to kill, health care workers have instead focused on containing its spread through improvements to hospital hygiene. http://www.happynews.com/news/9172007/n ... octors.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Seeds Seeds that you didn't get around to planting this year should be fine next year if stored properly. Most seeds can be stored for 3 to 4 years. The key will be storing the seeds in a cool, dry, and dark place. Keep the temperature between 40 and 50 degrees F. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

"So, Mullany, how's it going with the ladies?" "Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects." "Really?" "Yep," Mullany shook his head. "Whenever I mention sex, they object."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
An older friend, recently returned from her home town in North Carolina, says they've spruced up the churchyard cemetery since her last visit several years back. "Lots of new greenery," she said. "And families are together now." "Together?" I asked, puzzled. "Well, years ago they never much worried where they buried someone because everyone was a neighbor anyhow. They'd just dig a grave wherever it seemed to balance things. But they've redone it so people are with their children and grandchildren, instead of scattered all over." "You mean they exhumed all those people and re-buried them?" "Oh no," she said. "They just moved the headstones. Everyone agrees it looks ever so much nicer...."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Munich Octoberfest More pictures
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Dear Webby 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 22, 2007

The future, according to some scientists, will be exactly like the past, only far more expensive. --- John Sladek What is youth except a man or a woman before it is ready or fit to be seen? --- Evelyn Waugh
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A very self-important liberal college freshman was attending a recent football game. He took it upon himself to explain to a senior citizen sitting next to him why it was impossible for the older generation to understand his generation. "You grew up in a different world, actually an almost primitive one," the student said, loud enough for many of those nearby to hear. "The young people of today grew up with television, jet planes, space travel, man walking on the moon, our spaceships have visited Mars. We have nuclear energy, electric and hydrogen cars, computers with light-speed processing, and...," pausing to take another drink of beer. The Senior took advantage of the break in the student's litany and said, "You're right, son. We didn't have those things when we were young....... .so we invented them. Now, you arrogant little shithead, what are YOU doing for the next generation?" The applause was deafening. ------------- Personally, I doubt that the wimps of today could repeat the moon walk.
Bob man says to his wife Judy, "Guess what I heard at the pub today? They were saying the milkman is having sex with every woman in our apartment building except one, but they are not sure who that one is." And right a way Judy jumps up and says, "I know who that is! I bet it's that stuck-up Phyllis, in apartment 612."

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Cats in Physics Law of Cat Inertia A cat at rest will tend to remain at rest, unless acted upon by some outside force - such as the opening of cat food, or a nearby scurrying mouse. Law of Cat Motion A cat will move in a straight line, unless there is a really good reason to change direction. Law of Cat Magnetism All blue blazers and black sweaters attract cat hair in direct proportion to the darkness of the fabric. Law of Cat Thermodynamics Heat flows from a warmer to a cooler body, except in the case of a cat, in which case all heat flows to the cat. Law of Cat Stretching A cat will stretch to a distance proportional to the length of the nap just taken. Law of Cat Sleeping All cats must sleep with people whenever possible, in a position as uncomfortable for the people involved as is possible for the cat. Law of Cat Elongation A cat can make her body long enough to reach just about any counter top that has anything remotely interesting on it. Law of Cat Acceleration A cat will accelerate at a constant rate, until he gets good and ready to stop. Law of Dinner Table Attendance Cats must attend all meals when anything good is served. Law of Rug Configuration No rug may remain in its naturally flat state for very long. Law of Obedience Resistance A cat's resistance varies in proportion to a human's desire for her to do something. First Law of Energy Conservation Cats know that energy can neither be created nor destroyed and will, therefore, use as little energy as possible. Second Law of Energy Conservation Cats also know that energy can only be stored by a lot of napping. Law of Refrigerator Observation If a cat watches a refrigerator long enough, someone will come along and take out something good to eat. Law of Electric Blanket Attraction Turn on an electric blanket and a cat will jump into bed at the speed of light. Law of Random Comfort Seeking A cat will always seek, and usually take over, the most comfortable spot in any given room. Law of Bag / Box Occupancy All bags and boxes in a given room must contain a cat within the earliest possible nanosecond. Law of Cat Embarrassment A cat's irritation rises in direct proportion to her embarrassment times the amount of human laughter. Law of Furniture Replacement A cat's desire to scratch furniture is directly proportional to the cost of the furniture. Law of Cat Landing A cat will always land in the softest place possible. Law of Cat Disinterest A cat's interest level will vary in inverse proportion to the amount of effort a human expends in trying to interest him. Law of Pill Rejection Any pill given to a cat has the potential energy to reach escape velocity. Law of Cat Composition A cat is composed of Matter + Anti-Matter + It Doesn't Matter. Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Morrison's in West Kirby, Wirral, UK Blind and stupid September 20, 2007 - West Kirby, Wirral, UK - Ananova Supermarket staff refused to sell wine to a 72-year-old man - because he would not prove he was over 21. Check-out staff at Morrison's demanded Tony Ralls prove he was old enough to buy two bottles of Cabernet Sauvignon. The white-haired grandfather-of-three said he had refused to confirm he was over 21 as it was a "stupid question." Mr. Ralls asked to see the manager of the store, in West Kirby, Wirral, reports the BBC. "I felt like saying: 'What do I look like? Are you a fool?' He picks up the wine and, in the manner of a child taking home his ball, says: 'Well, we won't serve you'." The pensioner abandoned his shopping on the conveyor belt and left the store but not before demanding a complaints form and phone number for Morrison's headquarters. Mr. Ralls said: "It is bureaucracy gone mad." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2517121.html?menu=
Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Un-Install IE6 Dear Webby It's Ann again!!!! I just wanted to know if I could uninstall the internet Explorer 6 and just use Firefox???? Love your Humor Letter, makes my day for sure Ann Dear Ann You can use both of them! No need to un-install either one. They work fine together, even side by side. Most webmasters have both open side by side to check if their work looks OK on both of them. Theoretically, Windows should work without IE on the computer, but in real life you will find that Windows and also other programs now and then use building blocks from IE instead of trying to duplicate stuff that is already written and polished. There are also some tasks that Firefox isn't very good at yet, for example many tasks related to printing web pages. At those times it's handy, when you can just open IE6 and get the job done. You don't have to close Firefox to do that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thnaks to Kevin for this story: At the doctor's office, the Nurse was taking my blood pressure. She caused me some concern by rechecking it twice, then said, "Hmmmm. That's odd -- it's normal." I replied I had taken my high blood pressure medicine less than an hour ago. She said, "Thank goodness. I thought I was losing it. Normally when I take the men's BP readings they're always on the high side."

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Baltimore, Maryland - Gimundo Eli Kahn, of Baltimore, Maryland, was diagnosed with leukemia at the age of three. He whiled away years in bed with nothing to do but watch soap operas, stare into the hospital parking lot, or simply lie there and think – so mostly, he thought. And when his leukemia finally went into remission, Eli had already hatched a plan for how to spend his time now that he was finally healthy again: He would raise money to support the cure of childhood cancers like his. His fundraising method? Recycling printer cartridges. For the past three years, Eli has solicited donations of used ink jet and laser printer cartridges from individuals, businesses, schools, and nonprofit organizations through a program he calls Cartridges for the Cure. That may seem like small change, but it adds up fast: To date, Eli, now 15, has earned more than $23,000 in donations to the pediatric oncology department at Johns Hopkins. If you've got any used cartridges yourself, don't toss them into the trash – help Eli cure cancer instead. For more details about this inspiring survivor's program, visit Catridges for a Cure. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... ually_Like

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Wood Blocks You can make great wood blocks using scrap wood. Start with untreated lumber, cut the wood into various sizes, sand off any rough edges, stain the wood and then seal them with polyurethane. You can even let your kids paint pictures on the blocks before you apply the polyurethane. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Ontario coed was anxious to see her parents over the holidays. Access to their remote cabin near Caribou Lake was limited, so she was trying to talk a local bush pilot into flying her home. "But there's no place to land." he protested. She told him of a clearing she had used last year. The pilot agreed. Upon approaching the clearing, it looked too short, with a rise at the end. Going in on a wing and a prayer the lil' plane skidded along, hit the rise, then flipped over. Once safely out of the plane, the girl smiled and said, "Yep. They had to land the same way last year too."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Elegant Sugar Cubes
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Reliability of DVDs 

Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 21, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support of the troops!

We did not change as we grew older; we just became more clearly ourselves. --- Lynn Hall
An elderly parish priest was tending his garden near a convent when a passerby stopped to inquire after the priest's much-loved roses. "Not bad," said the priest. "But they suffer from a disease peculiar to this area known as the black death." "What on earth is that?" asked the passerby, anxious to increase his garden knowledge. "Nuns with scissors."
Thanks to barry for this story: Ted Nugent, rock star and avid bow hunter from Southern Michigan, was being interviewed by a French journalist and animal rights activist. The discussion came around to deer hunting. The journalist asked, 'What do you think is the last thought in the head of a deer before you shoot him? Is it, 'Are you my friend?' or is it 'Are you the one who killed my brother?' Nugent replied, 'Deer aren't capable of that kind of thinking. All they care about is, 'What am I going to eat next, who am I going to screw next, and can I run fast enough to get away. They are very much like the French.' The interview ended at that point.

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The latest telephone poll taken by the Texas Governor's office, asked whether people who live in Texas think illegal immigration is a serious problem: 29% of respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem." 71% of respondents answered: "No es una problema seriosa" ------------- Sad, but serious is that the swing to the left has depressed the value of the US dollar. On it's way down to be on par with the Peso, it has gone below the Canadian dollar yesterday. Guess what that means! It will take more US dollars to buy fuel. Fill up your fuel for the winter NOW! Dear Webby Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the public facilities caretaker in Pickering, North Yorkshire, UK Careless check September 20, 2007 - Pickering, North Yorkshire, UK - Ananva A great grandmother popped into a public loo after a long journey - and ended up locked in for 12 hours. Gwyneth Coles, 77, certainly knew what the matter was when a caretaker locked up the toilet block in Pickering, North Yorkshire. He had shouted out: "Anyone in?" but failed to hear her reply: "Yes, I am in here. I won't be a minute!", reports the York Press. He did not check if any vagrant had chosen to overnight there. Friends and relatives, worried after she failed to return to her home in the town after a holiday in Inverness, called police sparking a nationwide missing persons alert. Meanwhile, Mrs Coles put four jumpers on under a jacket and a mac, and settled down for the night, even managing to get some sleep. She was only released when the caretaker came back at 7am the following day to open up the toilets and found her inside. Mrs Coles said: "This will go down in the family history - the night great-grandma got locked in the loo. I think it's hilarious now, although it was pretty traumatic at the time. "I was coming back home from holiday in Inverness when it happened. I came back by train and got on the bus in York. When I got to Pickering, I decided to spend a penny at the loos. "If I'd had had my mobile phone with me I'd have been all right, I could have rung someone, but I didn't. Fortunately, I had my luggage with me and I found four jumpers to put on." A Ryedale District Council official apologised for the incident, and said a full investigation had been launched. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2517460.html?menu=
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Durability of DVDs Dear Webby I think it's time to remind your readers again that DVDs don't last forever. Some friends of mine lost irreplaceable pictures of a family reunion, because they entrusted them to a DVD. It was the last reunion for some of the people there, and they can't go back to re-take the pictures. It was heartbreak to find out that all those pictures are gone. Dianne Dear Dianne Yes, nobody ever claimed that DVDs or CDs would last forever. If they are handled carefully and stored in a cool, dark place, they last a long time, but if they are handled frequently or shipped, their life span goes down accordingly. The safest storage is a portable USB hard drive kept in a safety deposit box far away from the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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ACTUAL LETTERS SENT TO LANDLORDS 1. "The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is cleared." 2. "Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk. Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant." 3. "I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and burnt my nob off." 4. "This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man next door." 5. "I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the wall." 6. "I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen." 7. "Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces." 8. "When the workmen were here they put their tools in my wife's new drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."

Deeli's Kudos September 18, 2007 - Madison Township, Ohio - Gimundo A Tri-state man is now safe after using a pocket knife to literally dig himself out of a disaster. The 83-year-old Madison Township man says he was on his tractor outside his Keister Road home when the tractor flipped and he was trapped. He's says it's amazing how much strength you get when you're in a life-and-death situation. The tractor flipped as John Cockerham was trying to move a post on his property. He ended up with his leg pinned and his entire body stuck under the tractor. So, for two hours he struggled to free his leg. Then, he says he pulled his pocket knife out and spent another two hours digging at the dirt under him to create room so he could squeeze out. "I hollered, 'Lord, don't let me die here. I don't want to die under this tractor. help me to get out!,' and by the grace of God, he had given me the strength to get out," said Cockerham. Cockerham has eight children, 21 grandchildren, 28 great grandchildren – plus one great-great grandchild. So, a lot of people are grateful. Cockerham spent one night at the hospital and has a lot of bruises, but he's doing fine now. http://www.gimundo.com/Articles/Daily/5 ... _To_Escape

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trash Cans for Sorting Clothing To make laundry sorting easier and faster I have a blue 10 gallon trash can for blue jeans, a white one for whites, and a green one for everything else. It wasn't hard training my children to use them either (even the 17 year old!) By Angie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with a pet dog he doted on. The dog finally died and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, "Father, the dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "No, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said "I'll go right now. Do you think $50,000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick asked, "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich-looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. When a clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" he answered, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat-bran muffin."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Deer for breakfast
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Mark 17 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 20, 2007

Chance can allow you to accomplish a goal every once in a while, but consistent achievement happens only if you love what you are doing. --- Bart Conner
Thanks to LLLiDO for this story: Sally had three very active boys. One summer evening she was playing cops and robbers in the back yard after dinner. One of the boys "shot" his mother and yelled, "Bang! You're dead." She slumped to the ground and when she didn't get up right away, a neighbour ran over to see if she had been hurt in the fall. When the neighbour bent over, the overworked mother opened one eye and said, "Shhh. Don't give me away. It's the only chance I've had to rest all day."
Thanks to Darlene for bringing back this Classic: A group of kindergartners were trying very hard to become accustomed to the first grade. The biggest hurdle they faced was that the teacher insisted on NO baby talk! "You need to use 'Big People' words," she was always reminding them. She asked Chris what he had done over the weekend. "I went to visit my Nana." "No, you went to visit your GRANDMOTHER. Use Big People' words!" She then asked Mitchell what he had done. "I took a ride on a choo choo." She said "No, you took a ride on a TRAIN. You must remember to use "Big People' words." She then asked little Zach what he had done. "I read a book," he replied. "That's WONDERFUL!" the teacher said. "What book did you read?" Zach thought real hard about it, then puffed out his chest and with as deep a voice he could muster and with great pride belted out: "Winnie the SHIT

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I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put some ice cubes into the cup so that I could drink the cool coffee quickly. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Department Of Motor Vehicles In Washington State Not organized September 19, 2007 - Richland, Washington - Deeli Having recently relocated from the state of Michigan to the state of Washington, Deeli finds it both disconcerting and rather comical that she may not apply for her Washington State Drivers License, 'YET' ... Keep in mind that even with birth certificate, Michigan drivers license, Passport, Washington State apartment lease, Washington State utility company approval for use of utilities at said apartment, proof of shipment of household goods to Richland, WA, proof of shipment of vehicle to Richland, WA, Washington state auto insurance, etc. etc. etc., well, none of these documents are enough to be considered a resident of Washington State. Now keep in mind that new residents of Washington State must take their drivers test within 30 days of arrival. What's the hold-up you ask ??? One must first receive one's first 'utility bill', or any other documents deemed as 'proof' of Washington State residencey, via postal mail only, before considered an 'official resident' in the state of Washington. Self Employment pay doesn't cut it either nor do Washington State bank accounts make one a 'resident' eligible to apply for a driver's test. Nope, have to have a paycheck from a local company or that first utility bill. Don't worry, Deeli! Just get it in writing, that you are not allowed to take the test. Plus a print-out of this Bonehead Award, of course. If you get stopped for speeding, show them those papers along with your Michigan drivers license. They will probably start laughing ans let you off with a warning.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Evi Re: AOL Dear Webby Well- at least now I know this address is working right! I called AOL- and of course I got a number that they said the "non AOL" member who was sending had to call. They then referred me to another number for AOL members, and they referred me to live chat..so will try that and see if I can fix anything from my end! Am still reading your humor letter on line daily...thank you for the link in the Hi card letter! Evie Wohlers Dear Evi About a five hundred AOLers do receive the Humor Letter, and about 200 or so, it seems, don't. Since the many thousands, who have graduated from AOL, get it without any hassle, it would seem the problem is on the AOL side, and no matter what I change on my side, SOME AOLers will still have problems.. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From LLLiDO: It is hard to find a joke today without a dirty word or two in it, but here is one: Two tall trees, a birch and a beech, are growing in the woods. A small tree begins to grow between them, and the beech says to the birch, "Is that a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The birch says he cannot tell. Just then a woodpecker lands on the sapling. The birch says, "Woodpecker, you are a tree expert. Can you tell if that is a son of a beech or a son of a birch?" The woodpecker takes a taste of the small tree. He replies, "It is neither a son of a beech nor a son of a birch. It is, however, the best piece of ash I have ever put my pecker in." --------------------------- Last time I featured this joke, two people bitterly complained that it was not clean enough for church, and about two hundred people forwarded it to their entire Friends List, which apparently included my address too.

Deeli's Kudos September 17, 2007 - Berwick, Pennsylvania - AP You might say she was born to be wild — a century ago. Evelyn Warburton rode to her 100th birthday party Saturday in a motorcycle sidecar. She sported a black leather jacket, a helmet and a pair of sunglasses for the 10-minute ride from her home in Lightstreet to her granddaughter's house in Berwick. ''It was fun today,'' said Warburton. Her chauffeur on the green 2000 Herley-Davidson Ultra was George Crawford, a friend who had been offering to take her to church on his motorcycle for several years. Warburton finally accepted Crawford's offer of a ride to her party. She had actually turned 100 on Thursday. Crawford said Warburton was nervous at first, but relaxed after he assured her she wouldn't fly out of the sidecar. The duo hit a top speed of 40 mph. ''She's willing to try new things,'' said Warburton's daughter, Nancy Hartzel. http://www.happynews.com/news/9172007/w ... idecar.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Drying Pillows When drying pillows, toss a couple clean tennis balls in the dryer. The tennis balls will help fluff up the pillows and allow the stuffing to dry more evenly. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Lu for this story: While waiting for my first appointment in the reception room of a new dentist, I noticed his certificate, which bore his full name. Suddenly, I remembered that a tall, handsome boy with the same name had been in my high school class almost 50 years ago. Upon seeing him, however, I quickly discarded any such thought. This balding, gray-haired man with the deeply lined face was too old to have been my classmate. After he had examined my teeth, I asked him if he had attended the local high school. "Yes," he replied. "When did you graduate?" I asked. He answered, "In 1953." "Why, you were in my class!" I exclaimed. He looked at me closely and then asked, "What did you teach?"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A minister told his congregation, "Next week I plan to preach about the sin of lying. To help you all understand my sermon, I want you all to read Mark 17." The following Sunday, as he prepared to deliver his sermon, the minister asked for a show of hands. He wanted to know how many people had read Mark 17. Every hand went up. The minister smiled and said, "Mark only has 16 chapters. I will know proceed with my sermon on the sin of lying."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Balloons
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Verizon problems 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 19, 2007

God doesn't look at how much we do, but with how much love we do it. --- Mother Teresa Children are natural mimics who act like their parents in spite of every effort to teach them good manners. --- Socratex
Two fathers-to-be met in the maternity waiting room. "Can you believe this? The first day of our vacation, and she goes into labor!" The second one looks at the first and says, "What do you have to complain about? This is our honeymoon!"
Two youngsters were walking home from Sunday School, each deep in his own thoughts. Finally one said, "What do you think about all this devil business we studied today?" The other boy replied thoughtfully, "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. This is probably just your Dad, too."

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A man was stranded on a desert island for 10 years. One day a beautiful girl swims to shore in a wetsuit.... Man: "Hi! Am I ever happy to see you." Girl: "Hi! It seems like you've been here a long time. How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" Man: "It's been ten years!" With this information the girl unzips a slot on the arm of her wet suit and gives the man cigarette. Man: "Oh thank you so much!" Girl: "So tell me how long its been since you had a drink?" Man: "It's been ten years" The girl unzips a little longer zipper on her wet suit and comes out with a flask of whiskey and gives the man a drink. Man: "Oh... thank you so much. You are like a miracle!" Girl: [Starting to unzip the front of her wet suit.] "So tell me then, how long has it been since you played around?" Man: "Oh, my God, don't tell me you've got a set of golf clubs in there too?!" ------------- Glad I am not playing golf! Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gino Sciortino in Melford, Connecticut Does not like horses September 14, 2007 - Milford, Connecticut - AP A man has filed a lawsuit against his neighbor, claiming he can't sell his house because of the smell of horse manure from next door. In court documents filed in Superior Court, Gino Sciortino claims Helen Catlin is permitting significant quantities of horse manure to accumulate in piles on her property and the foul odor can often be smelled at his home. Helen and David Catlin have lived on Park Road more than a year and own three horses. Sciortino said that at times, the smell is overpowering. "When the wind blows, everything smells of horse manure," Sciortino said Thursday, saying the odor has made it difficult to sell his house for the past year. Sciortino is asking for monetary damages as well as an injunction ordering Helen Catlin to relocate the horse manure and other debris and to re-grade the soil near their property line. "Once this is resolved, I will try to sell again," Sciortino said. David Catlin, the husband of the woman named in the lawsuit, said Thursday that he mixes the manure with other material to create compost, which he sprinkles with lime to prevent the scent from wafting across the property. "Nobody else seems to be able to smell it," Catlin said of his other neighbors. "He's misleading a lot of people." Staffers at the Pomperaug Health District have not reported any complaints about horse manure on Park Road. http://apnews.myway.com/article/20070914/D8RLFQNG0.html --------------- I remember when I was a little kid, there was still a few horse drawn wagons on the road. When we heard the clip-clop of horses, we used to race to the road with old dustpans, and if a horse donated some horse apples, each kid tried to get them for his family's garden. We used to even fight right in the middle of the road when the winner was not clear. But then usually the girls tried to steal them.
These used to be the pastel yellow fowers in my lawn that I mowed around, because they were quite cute and lasting.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerome Re: Verizon blocking subscriptions Dear Webby Unfortunately Verizon is blocking you too. Just thought you might like to know as they are really dimwits. Jerome Dear Jerome yes, Verizon has been trying to make AOL look good for some time, and a lot of Verizon victims use gmail to get reliable mail. How do you get around them? Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news: I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby! The doctor gave me a test today, but we until we find out for sure, we can't tell anybody." The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the doorbell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill: "Are you Mrs. Smith? You're a month overdue, you know!" "How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman. "Well, ma'am, it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company. "What are you saying? It's in your files?????" "Absolutely." "Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight." That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull, rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning. "What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts. "Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us." "PAY you? and if I refuse?" "Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut you off." "And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks. "I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle."

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Dallas, Texas - AP An emergency room might be the last place you'd think would have do-it-yourself check-in. But Parkland Memorial Hospital has three self-service computer kiosks, similar to those used by airport passengers and hotel guests. And so do a handful of other hospital ERs, where the long wait in line to register and explain symptoms can be grueling. True emergency cases _ gunshot or car crash victims with serious injuries _ are still rushed in for treatment. But patients like Rickey Washington, a diabetic concerned about numbness in his hands and feet, find it fairly simple to sign in by computer. ''Once you look and see, it's kind of easy,'' said Washington, 44. Besides offering patients more privacy, the kiosks should help nurses identify the most urgent cases. Parkland's administrators say patients have been spared the long check-in lines since the kiosks arrived. The hospital's ER handles about 300 cases a day. ''It's helping us find the people that we need to see right now,'' said Jennifer Hay, unit manager for the ER department. Patients spend about eight minutes at the kiosks, using touchscreens to enter their name, age, and other personal information. The computer shows the patient a list of ailments to choose from, like ''pain'' or ''fever and/or chills'' and a list of body parts to indicate where it hurts. Previously, a nurse checked in patients and took their vital signs as lines at the ER got longer and frustration mounted. ''If it's getting people to be able to sit down and not be standing in a long line, then it's good,'' said Dr. Brian Keaton, president of the American College of Emergency Physicians. http://www.happynews.com/news/9152007/e ... -lines.htm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Tea Light in Pillar Candles If you like to decorate with large pillar candles, but don't like it when they get short, just let them burn down to the height you like, pour out the extra wax to form a hollow inside of the candle. Slip in a tea light and and your pillar candles will last a long time. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One of my first duties as an Air Force officer was to set up a field medical-training program at our hospital. I conducted a class in triage -- sorting out battlefield casualties according to the likelihood of survival. We had applied theatrical makeup to several airmen to simulate different wounds. Pointing to one of the "casualties," I said to the group, "This man has severe brain damage. What would you do with him?" Came this reply from the back of the class: "Make him an officer!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Charges of statutory sexual seduction face an El Cajon, CA science teacher who trysted in a Vegas motel with one of her 15 year old students. (LA Times) Whose parents will administer disciplinary action as soon as they can wipe the smile off his face.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vermont Fall Colors
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Problems 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 18, 2007

True friends are those who really know you but love you anyway. --- Edna Buchanan
A man went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar who had broken into his house the night before. "You'll get your chance in court," said the desk sergeant. "No, no, no!" said the man. "I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!"
My feisty 70-year-old neighbor Frances had to call a furnace repairman. After a quick inspection the man put some oil into the motor and handed her a $70 bill for labor. "Labor charges!" Frances exclaimed. "It only took you five minutes." The repairman explained that his company had a minimum one-hour charge on every house call. "Well, I want my remaining 55 minutes of labor," my neighbor responded and she handed him a rake. He spent the next 55 minutes in her back yard bagging leaves. Then he charged her an hour extra for traveling time.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asks, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replies, "Lady, I'm in sales, not management." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 17 year old boy in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania Too dumb to own a gun September 13, 2007 - Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania - AP A 17-year-old boy accidentally shot himself in the leg while standing in line at a McDonald's restaurant and now he faces an illegal weapons charge. The boy was fiddling with the .25-caliber pistol tucked in his waistband when it fired, wounding him in the upper thigh shortly before 9 p.m. Wednesday, city police Sgt. William Gorman said. The boy was in good condition at Mercy Hospital. He was to be charged with illegal possession of a firearm, because he is not old enough to lawfully have a gun, police said. Police were also trying to determine if the gun was stolen. http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.c ... pe=bondage
Thanks to Deeli for this picture from her balcony in Richland, WA.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ginger Re: AOL problems ...@aol.com wrote: it says I'm already subscribed but haven't been getting the letter please check into it for me Dear Ginger That's just a routine AOL screw-up. Once your subscription has entered the AOL server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. Once you graduate from AOL, you will never have that problem again. In the meantime, you can contact AOL "support", and ask them to stop stealing your subscription. Have FUN! DearWebby
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While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "Don't help my hearing none," he replied. "Makes people talk louder."

Deeli's Kudos September 10, 2007 - Glenview, Illinois - Chicago, Tribune Tom Foust saw the train lights in the distance and knew it was time to stop arguing with the elderly driver, whose white Lexus was stuck on railroad tracks. As his two friends pounded on the car windows, yelling for her to leave the car, Foust, 17, unclipped the seat belt and carried her to safety with seconds to spare. He shielded her body from flying debris as the Lexus was "eviscerated". http://www.goodnewsnetwork.org/content/view/2545/29/

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Bag It, Use It Use the grass clippings to help feed your lawn. The clippings will work as slow release fertilizer for your lawn and help encourage growth. If the grass clippings are in clumps, use a rake to spread them out. Clumps of grass will create a thatch problem which will smother the lawn. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When I took my baby daughter to the supermarket for the first time, I dressed her in pink from head to toe. At the store, I placed her in the shopping cart, put my purchases around her, and headed for the checkout line. A small boy and his mother were ahead of me. The child was crying and begging for some special treat. He wants some candy or gum and his mother won't let him have any, I thought. Then I heard his mother's reply. "No!" she said, and, looking in my direction. "You may not have a baby sister today. That lady got the last one!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man rushed into a jewelry store, told the clerk he needed a pair of diamond earrings for his wedding anniversary, and quickly made his selection. When asked if he wanted them wrapped, he replied, "That would be great, but hurry. My wife thinks I'm taking out the garbage!" .
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Open Source 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 17, 2007

I think it would be a good idea. --- Mahatma Gandhi, when asked what he thought of Western civilization
Thanks to Amy for this report: A store that sells new husbands has just opened in New York City , where a woman may go to choose a husband. Among the instructions at the entrance is a description of how the store operates: You may visit this store ONLY ONCE! There are six floors and the value of the products increase as the shopper ascends the flights. The shopper may choose any item from a particular floor, or may choose to go up to the next floor, but you cannot go back down except to exit the building! So, a woman goes to the Husband Store to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads: Floor 1 - These men Have Jobs. She is intrigued, but continues to the second floor, where the sign reads: Floor 2 - These men Have Jobs and Love Kids. "That's nice", she thinks, "but I want more." So she continues upward. The third floor sign reads: Floor 3 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, and are Extremely Good Looking. "Wow," she thinks, but feels compelled to keep going. She goes to the fourth floor and the sign reads: Floor 4 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Good Looking and Help With Housework. "Oh, mercy me!" she exclaims, "I can hardly stand it!" Still, she goes to the fifth floor and the sign reads: Floor 5 - These men Have Jobs, Love Kids, are Drop-dead Gorgeous, Help with Housework, and Have a Strong Romantic Streak. She is so tempted to stay, but she goes to the sixth floor, where the sign reads: Floor 6 - You are visitor 31,456,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping at the Husband Store. PLEASE NOTE: To avoid gender bias charges, the store's owner opened a New Wives store just across the street. The first floor has wives that love sex. The second floor has wives that love sex and have money. The third, fourth, fifth and sixth floors have never been visited
Thanks to Dave for this story: Grandpa was always going on about the good old days, and the lower cost of living, in particular. "When I was a kid, my mom could send me to the store, and I'd get a salami, two pints of milk, 6 oranges, 2 loaves o' bread, a magazine, and some new blue jeans... all for a dollar!!" Then Grandpa said sadly, "You can't DO that anymore..... they got those video cameras everywhere you look."

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A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. So as not to be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back roads until he reached his wife's house. When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed, "You lousy bum! Where have you been? You escaped more than two days ago!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawnda K. Hatfield, Muncie, Indiana Faked Cremation September 14, 2007 - Muncie, Indiana - AP Prosecutors are investigating whether a phony obituary was placed in an Indiana newspaper in an attempt to keep a convicted forger out of prison. The obituary reporting the supposed death and cremation of Shawnda K. Hatfield was faxed to Delaware Circuit Court Judge Robert Barnet Jr. But Hatfield, 41, was later found at her home and arrested. Barnet sentenced her Thursday to four years in prison for altering a check drawn on the account of White Feather Farms, where she formerly worked. Hatfield said she had no idea how her obituary ended up in The Star Press. Kathy Whittenburg, an employee in the newspaper's classified advertising department, said the obituary appeared after a caller purporting to be Hatfield's niece phoned The Star Press and later provided a telephone number she said belonged to a Florida crematory. Deputy Prosecutor Joe Orick told Hatfield that if an investigation showed her relatives were involved in the fake obituary, "You can have a family reunion upstairs" -- in jail. http://www.cbsnews.com/stories/2007/09/ ... 1355.shtml
Re the forest fire smoke in yesterday's picture, the fire is in British Columbia, on the other side of the Rockies. Subscriber Ann is at the fire by Big Bear Lake, California. If you are near one of the fires, send me the coordinates, and I'll mark you into the map too.
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Eudora not sold any more Dear Webby, I went to the Eudora page and saw that they had quit selling a version. I noticed the latest version was 7.1 a sponsored version. Do you still reccommend this? There is a button that say to stay in sponsored mode you must update, would that be for people with older versions who wish to stay with the program. What is open source Eudora? Thanks Webby, you are still the number one ezine. Ron Dear Ron Yes, it is Open Source (free) now. You can still get the old versions, if you want. The ad sponsored version has a little square ad in the left bottom corner. No big deal. I think they stopped delivering ads anyway. Older versions are at http://eudora.com/techsupport/kb/2350hq.html/ The Beta of the Open Source Eudora 8 is at http://wiki.mozilla.org/Penelope_Releases Have FUN! DearWebby
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A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The service matched them together at once because they had one thing in common -- they were both pathological liars.

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Ft. Lauderdale, Florida - Sun Sentinel A Florida man has been besieged with job offers - after he was sacked for saving a woman from an armed robber. Juan Canales, 42, lost his job as a waiter with a Thai restaurant in Fort Lauderdale after his boss got sick of the media attention. But he quickly received new job offers once the twist to the story was reported in the local press, reports the South Florida Sun-Sentinel. "I just felt bad for him because here is a guy who does the right thing and he gets fired for it," said Peggy Talerico, of All Atlas Roofing. Robert Garofalo, owner of an electrical repair business, said he, too, wanted to help: "Come on, the guy fired him for being a hero. Ridiculous." Canales was fired after subduing a knife-wielding robber who tried to steal a Honda car from a woman customer. He disarmed the man then, with the help of three other men, managed to hold the robber down until police arrived. Mr. Canales then spent an hour talking to police and the media. He returned to work but when the lunch shift ended, his boss fired him. "The owner got belligerent" about all the attention his scuffle with the carjacker generated, he said. Although he was "devastated," Mr. Canales said, "I would do it again because it was the right thing to do." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2506516.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Prescription Drug Savings When a doctor prescribes you a new medication, be sure to ask if there is a generic version of that drug. Don't assume that your doctor will inform you about generic drug alternatives. The difference in price and your insurance co-pay can be dramatic. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

We had a great neighborhood watch going when I was a kid... until she closed her curtains.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A woman was out shopping one day with her son. The boy spotted a man who was bowlegged. The boy pulled on Mom's hand and said, "Momma, look at the bowlegged man!" Mom was mortified and told her son that it was not polite to point to a person and make that sort of comment. For punishment, the boy had to read a play by Shakespeare. He couldn't go shopping again until he finished reading the play. Finally he finished and his mom took him once again to the mall. Again he spied a bowlegged man, but remembered what happened the last time. So he pulled on his mother's hand and said, "Lo, what manner of men are these, Who wear their balls in parentheses?" .
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
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Dear Webby: Font Sizes 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 16, 2007

A wise man will make more opportunities than he finds. -- Sir Francis Bacon Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business." --- Dave Barry
When our second child was on the way, my wife and I attended a pre-birth class aimed at couples who had already had at least one child. The instructor raised the issue of breaking the news to the older child. It went like this: "Some parents," she said, "tell the older child, 'We love you so much we decided to bring another child into this family.' But think about that. Ladies, what if your husband came home one day and said, 'Honey, I love you so much I decided to bring home another wife.'" One of the women spoke up immediately. "Does she cook?"
Divorce : Future tense of marriage. Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power. Dictionary : A place where success comes before work. Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read. Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things straight. Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do. Experience : The name men give to their mistakes. Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead. Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip. Opportunist : A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river. Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die rich. Father : A banker provided by nature. Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early. Politician : One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

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Two storks are sitting in their nest: a father stork and baby stork. The baby stork is crying and crying and father stork is trying to calm him. "Don't worry, son. Your mother will come back. She's only bringing people babies and making them happy." The next night, it's father's turn to do the job. Mother and son are sitting in the nest, the baby stork is crying, and mother is saying "Son, your father will be back as soon as possible, but now he's bringing joy to new mommies and daddies." A few days later, the stork's parents are desperate: their son is absent from the nest all night! Shortly before dawn, he returns and the parents ask him where he's been all night. The baby stork says, "Nowhere. Just scaring the crap out of college students!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to 33 prisoners at Lee County prison, New Mexico Prisoner's temper tantrum September 15, 2007 - Lee County, New Mexico - Ananova Prisoners rioted at a jail in New Mexico after being told they would be allowed only one sausage each at dinner. Inmates of the Lee County Prison started fires, broke toilets and smashed windows, reports the Hobbs News Sun. Officials said the prisoners began yelling and banging on their doors in what they described as a "temper tantrum." Officers from the Lea County Sheriff's and Hobbs Police departments were called in to restore control, and the jail was locked down after the incident. Warden Jann Gartman said 33 prisoners were involved in the disturbance. The remaining 300-plus prisoners at the jail accepted the meal without incident, authorities said. http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2508087.html?menu= Might be time to ship them to Arizona and try Sheriff Arpaio's diet for a while.
Smoke coming over the Rockies from some fire in BC
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jay Re: Zoomable fonts Dear Webby! I know you have used zoomable fonts for ages, but my webmaster insists that is not necessary if a computer is set up right. Well, my computer is set up the way I like it, and I can hardly read the pages on my company site. How do you make your fonts so that they can be zoomed? What do you suggest. Jay Dear Jay Some people claim to be webmasters, others ARE, and don't care what title you use for them. Using a word Processor and saving a WORD document as a web page is not the same as creating it with HTML. The same goes for kids using FrontPage. Basic stuff looks OK with it, but it's not quite up to standard and will bite you sooner or later. I would recommend that you get somebody who will do your site the way YOU want it, instead of implying that your computer is not set up right. That page you sent me to is useless. When I see something that is too small to read comfortably, and that can't be zoomed to a decent size, I'm out of there and on my way to a competitor. I have a hunch most people browse that way. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During taxi, the crew of a US Airways departure flight to Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose with a United 727. The irate lady who had the ground controller's spot at that moment screamed, "US Air 2771, where are you going? I told you to turn right on 'Charlie' taxiway; you turned right on 'Delta.' Stop right there! I know it's difficult to tell the difference between C's & D's, but get it right!" Continuing her lashing to the embarrassed crew, "You've screwed everything up; it'll take forever to sort this out. You stay right there and don't move until I tell you to! Then, I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?" The humbled crew responded, "Yes, Ma'am." The ground control frequency went terribly silent; no one wanted to engage the irate ground controller in her current state. Tension in every cockpit at La Guardia was running high. Then an unknown male pilot broke the silence and asked, "Wasn't I married to you once?"

Deeli's Kudos September 15, 2007 - Wrexham, North Wales, UK - Ananova A Welsh farmer who placed a lonely hearts advert on a milk carton hopes to marry a US woman who answered his plea. Geraint Evans, 28, hadn't had a girlfriend for almost five years because his long days at work often ended at 11pm, reports the North Wales Daily Post. The dairy herdsman was one of a number of North Wales farmers who persuaded a dairy company to put their photographs on cartons with an email address. Interior design student Laura Allison, 21, from Chicago, was holidaying in the UK when she saw Geraint's face on a pint of milk she bought near his Wrexham home. She said: "I'd dropped by a supermarket to pick up some provisions and when I got to the milk racks, all I could see was this handsome guy's face staring out at me. I think I fell in love a little right there and then." But she decided to wait until she returned home before getting in touch. Since then the couple have exchanged hundreds of email messages, phone calls and letters and have visited each other. Geraint said: "I've met the girl of my dreams and I want us to marry as soon as she's finished her course in America. "We get on so well. This is the real thing and the sooner we can get wed the better, as far as I'm concerned. I'd marry Laura tomorrow. "We share the same sense of humour and we're both adventurous. We must be or we'd never have met." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2506815.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning with Borax Add one tablespoon of Borax to 1 quart of water and use it as a safe all-purpose cleaner. Dissolve a 1/2 cup of borax in a sink full of water to clean delicate dishes like fine China. Sweeten musty basement floors by sprinkling around on the concrete, let it sit for a while, then sweep up. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Official sign near door: Door Alarmed. Handprinted sign nearby: Window frightened.

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man walks out into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, "Perfect timing. You're just like Vince." "Who?" "Vince Sabio. There's a guy who did everything right. Like my coming along when you needed a cab. It would have happened like that to Vince every single time." "There are always a few clouds over everybody." "Not Vince. He was a terrific athlete. He could have gone on the pro tour in tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star." "He was something, huh?" "He had a memory like a trap. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which fork to eat with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole neighborhood blacks out." "No wonder you remember him." "Well, I never actually met Vince." "Then how do you know so much about him?" "I married his widow."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Newell Coach
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Alternatives to Outlook 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 15, 2007

Happiness is not a station you arrive at, but a manner of traveling. --- Margaret Lee Runbeck
Thanks to Rubye for this story: A game warden was driving down the road when he came upon a young boy carrying a wild turkey under his arm. He stopped and asked the boy, "Where did you get that turkey?" The boy replied, "What turkey?" The game warden said, "That turkey you're carrying under your arm." The boy look down and said, "Well, lookee here, a turkey done roosted under my arm!" The game warden said, "Now look, you know turkey season is closed, so what ever you do to that turkey, I'm going to do to you. If you break his leg, I'm gonna break your leg. If you break his wing, I'll break your arm. Whatever you do to him, I'll do to you. So, what are you gonna do with him?" The little boy said, "I guess I'll just kiss his ass and let him go!!
Leroy's wife went to the bank and applied for a loan. "I want a loan, I'm going to divorce Leroy." "Oh, we don't give loans for divorces" the manager says "We make loans for appliances, automobiles, businesses, home improvements...." Leroy's wife interrupts and says "Well, this is certainly a 'Home Improvement.'

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Judge: "You say you're petitioning for a legal name change?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: (looking at petition) "I can see why, Mr... Leon Shitferbrains, is it?" Leon: "Yes, your honor." Judge: "And what do you want to change your name to, Mr. Shitferbrains?" Leon: "Jim, your honor." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Rohlman, 38 in Philadelphia Trash bag not a good gun case PHILADELPHIA (UPI) -- A 38-year-old man is facing charges in Philadelphia after an assault rifle he allegedly stole fell out of the garbage bag in which he was carrying it. Michael Rohlman was arrested for allegedly stealing the assault rifle from a home and unsuccessfully attempting to carry it home in a trash bag, the Philadelphia Daily News reported. Witnesses allege the rifle fell from the bag while Rohlman was walking down a sidewalk Thursday, prompting them to call police. When police arrived, they allegedly found Rohlman attempting to hide the stolen firearm behind a trash bin. Police allege Rohlman stole the rifle and its attached bayonet earlier that day, the Daily New said. Firearms apparently are not good luck for the suspect, who previously was convicted and sentenced to prison time for carrying a firearm without a license.
Thanks to Martin for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: Alternative to Outlook Dear Webby! In several humour letter issues you mentioned "Outlook". E.g.: "Dear Bonnie I live a very sheltered life. Heroin, Outlook, Outlook Express, Crack and other stuff like that, is not allowed onto the premises." I too have many "fail to respond" problems. What alternative to Outlook do you recomment? Sig Every day I'm looking forward to every issue of you humour letter Dear Sig The best mail program is still Eudora, from http://eudora.com That's what Commerce, Industry and military uses. Eudora is rock solid, and when you have to answer and file 250 or more mails per day, you really appreciate the hot-keys that let you run Eudora without taking your hands off the keyboard for tedious mousing around. However, Eudora definitely is for a high production environment, where cutesy stuff has low priority. It is there, somewhere, if you need it, but it's strength is speed and reliability. Second best is Thunderbird http://www.mozilla.com/en-US/thunderbird/ Thunderbird is less Industrial, but not as silly and mushy as Incredimail. It is not as feature rich as Eudora, but there are hundreds of small add-ins that you can download to get individual features, like for example the Hot-keys. Thunderbird works OK right off the basic installation, and unless you have been spoiled by Eudora or Pegasus, you won't need any of the third party add-ons. The add-ons are free, but need to be downloaded and installed separately. Pegasus is a hard core road warrior tool. It is very compact and when I was a mobile troubleshooter, I used to carry it on a floppy. Like Eudora, it is rock solid, but Pegasus is very basic. Absolutely no cutesy frills. It is definitely a STRICTLY WORK email program. You can get it at http://pmail.com/ To give you an idea of how basic Pegasus is, have a look at their FAQ page: http://pmail.com/faqs/faqs_wq.htm They definitely don't waste your time with unimportant stuff! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Four men went golfing one day. Three of them headed to the first tee and the fourth went into the clubhouse to take care of the bill. The three men started talking and bragging about their sons. The first man told the others, "My son is a home builder, and he is so successful that he gave a friend a new home for free. "The second man said, "My son was a car salesman, and now he owns a multi-line dealership. He's so successful that he gave a friend a new Mercedes, fully loaded. "The third man, not wanting to be outdone, bragged, "My son is a stockbroker, and he's doing so well that he gave his friend an entire portfolio." The fourth man joined them on the tee after a few minutes of taking care of business. The first man mentioned, "We are just talking about our sons. How is yours doing? The fourth man replied, "Well, my son is gay and a dancer in a gay bar." The other three men grew silent as he continued, "I'm not totally thrilled about the dancing job, but he must be doing well. His last three boyfriends gave him a house, a brand new Mercedes, and a stock portfolio..."

Deeli's Kudos Garbage in, diamond rings out at rest stop ALBANY, N.Y. (UPI) -- A New York trooper was a real trouper recently, combing through bags of garbage to locate two temporarily misplaced rings. Trooper Leston Sheeley said a frantic Montreal man called and told him his wife's engagement ring and wedding band were in a yellow bag mistakenly tossed in the garbage at the Schroon Lake rest area, The (Plattsburgh, N.Y.) Press Republican reported Tuesday. His wife put them in the bag while washing her hands for dinner. Sheeley, figuring the trash hadn't been picked up, said he and Trooper Gregory Brack booked it the rest stop and began picking through the overflowing garbage bin. Because they were looking for a yellow food bag, "we found the rings pretty quickly," he said. The couple was still awake when Sheeley called them back with the good news. "He was ecstatic," Sheeley said. "And at that point, I was excited to call him back and tell him."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com September Clothing Bargains September is a great month to find summer clothing on clearance. Keep an eye out for short sleeve shirts, shorts, swim-wear and sandals. You can get next year's summer clothing at clearance prices. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man who had just undergone a very complicated operation kept complaining about a bump on his head and a terrible headache. Since his operation had been an intestinal one, there was no earthly reason why he should be complaining of a headache. Finally his nurse, fearing that the man might be suffering from some post-operative shock, spoke to the doctor about it. The doctor assured the nurse, "Don't worry about a thing. He really does have a bump on his head. About halfway through the operation we ran out of anesthetic."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Two rural church deacons were having a sociable beer in the local tavern, when they saw their minister drive by and take a good long look at their pickup trucks parked outside. One deacon ducked down and said, "I hope the reverend didn't see us or recognize my truck." The other replied indifferently, "What difference does it make. God knows we're in here . . . and he's the only one who counts." The first deacon countered, "Yeah, but God won't tell my wife."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Shaker Museum
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Weird circles in Outlook 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 14, 2007
Wear something red today, to show your support for the troops!

Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything. Both ways save us from thinking. --- Alfred Korzybski
"You're in incredible shape," the doctor said. "How old are you again?" "I am 78." The man said. "78?" asked the doctor. "How do you stay so healthy? You look like a 60 year old." "Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen and cool off and I would go outside to settle down." the man explained. "What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor. "I've pretty much lived an outdoor life."
A marketing survey specialist is asking Dan, a southern college kid, some questions about different products he uses. MSS - Which shaving cream do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which aftershave do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which deodorant do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Which toothpaste do you use? Dan - Baba's MSS - Okay, tell me, what is this 'Baba'? Is it an international company? Dan - Heck no. He's my room-mate.

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An elderly couple was having trouble remembering things, so they signed up for a memory course. The course was wonderful. They came home and told all their relatives, friends and neighbors about it. Some months later, a neighbor approached the old man as he was tending the garden and said, "Hey, Ed, what was the name of that memory course you liked so much?" Ed said, "Well, it was . . . hmmm . . . let me think a minute . . . What's the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but has thorns on the stems?" The neighbor said, "You mean a rose?" And Ed said, "Yeah, that's it!" Then turned toward the house and shouted, "Hey, Rose! What was the name of that memory course?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roger Golden, New York Dumbest place to stash dope Smuggler learns not to stow pot near DEA NEW YORK (UPI) -- A known New York drug smuggler faces possession charges for allegedly stowing 35 pounds of marijuana in a locker near the Drug Enforcement Agency. The storage locker where Roger Golden stashed his stash was in a self-storage facility with two entrances -- one conveniently in the lobby of the DEA building, the New York Post reported Monday. Drug agents walking to the office passed the self-storage business caught a whiff, said John Gilbride, head of the office. They brought in a drug-sniffing dog, which plunked down in front of Golden's locker. "Here's a guy that has been known to drug law enforcement for 30 years and he picks, of all places, to store his marijuana in a storage facility connected to the New York office of the DEA," said John Gilbride, head of the office.

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bonnie in NH Re: Circles in Outlook and WORD Dear Webby hope you can help with my current problem. Just recently as in the excerpt below from a “sent” email, and in replies back to me, these little circles started to appear. They annoy me like crazy and are also turning up in my Word documents even if they’re not in email text, i.e., if someone sends me a quote or story I want to save in Word, voila! there they are in a new document I copy & paste into. Any ideas on how I can stop them? No clue why they began. Thank you bunches as always, even if you don’t have a solution. Bonnie in NH Dear Bonnie I live a very sheltered life. Heroin, Outlook, Outlook Express, Crack and other stuff like that, is not allowed onto the premises. I really don't have a clue about what those things do to you, or how to cope with them. By the way, the excerpt you had there, did not produce any dopey circles in Eudora. Try writing to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com. Even though she doesn't use that stuff, she keeps up-to-date on it so that she can answer questions on her blog. Put her into your friends list, so that you don't accidentally slap her reply back into her face. That really annoys her. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Early one morning, my husband, who works in a funeral home, woke me, complaining of severe abdominal pains. We rushed to the emergency room, where tests were performed to determine the source of the pain. My husband decided not to have me call in sick for him until we knew what was wrong. When the results came back, the nurse informed us that, true to our suspicions, he was suffering from a kidney stone. I turned to my husband and asked, "Would you like me to call the funeral home now?" With a scornful look, the nurse turned to me and snapped, "Honey, he's not THAT sick!"

Deeli's Kudos Gators gaze at passers-by from pond HAMPTON ROADS, Va. (UPI) -- Two alligators found in a pond inside a Virginia community probably aren't dangerous to humans, but officials are setting up traps -- just in case. Police and animal control personnel in Hampton Roads say they aren't quite sure how the 3-foot reptiles got into the pond, The Virginian-Pilot in Hampton Roads reported. "It's hard to say," said police spokeswoman Rene Ball said, adding that residents in the area should be careful. ------------ Personally, I would be a lot more concerned with lightning fast three footers than slow and lazy 20 footers. I got within a few feet of this one and it made no hostile move.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Homemade Waffles I have an eight year old and we're always rushed in the mornings, so I make up a batch of waffles ahead of time and freeze them in individual serving sizes. Then you take them out of the freezer and put them in the toaster and they come out awesome! Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? It isn't all that bad this time." Dentist: "There are too many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the 5 o'clock football game."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
While visiting a friend who was in the hospital, I noticed several pretty nurses, each of whom was wearing a pin designed to look like an apple. I asked one nurse what the pin signified. "Nothing," she said with a smile. "It's just to keep the doctors away."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Edible Mushrooms
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Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby If the greeting on top does NOT have your first name, or at least your favorite nickname, please tell me. I can correct that in two seconds and greet you properly from then on. If you want to give a gift subscription to a friend, but don't have time to subscribe her or him, just hit REPLY and tell me. I will gladly enter them for you. To reply to me personally, just hit REPLY or write to humor@webby.com If you do not normally get the Humor Letter every day, and this was the first time, then a friend sent you a one time sample or maybe even gave you a gift subscription. If you like the Humor Letter, then you can subscribe at http://webby.com/humor/sub2.html You can also UNsubscribe there. If you don't want to receive the Webby Humor Letter, please unsubscribe by clicking the link below: You are currently subscribed with this address: Unsubscribe from the regular HTML version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the regular version Unsubscribe from the LARGE FONT HTML version UNSUBSCRIBE from the Large Font version Unsubscribe from the plain text version: UNSUBSCRIBE from the Text version div style="background-color: #FFFFBB;"> Give a friend a free gift subscription to the Humor Letter





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Dear Webby: Refill 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 13, 2007

I detest life-insurance agents; they always argue that I shall some day die, which is not so. --- Stephen Leacock Education is a method whereby one acquires a higher grade of prejudices. --- Laurence J. Peter
Tom was so excited about his promotion to Vice President of the company he worked for and kept bragging about it to his wife for weeks on end. Finally she couldn't take it any longer, and told him, "Listen, it means nothing, they even have a vice president of prunes at the grocery store!" "Really?" he said. Not sure if this was true or not, Tom decided to call the grocery store. A clerk answers and Tom says, "Can I please talk to the Vice President of prunes?" The clerk replied, "Dried or canned?"
A man once counseled his son that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a little gunpowder on his corn flakes every morning. The son did this religiously, and he lived to the age of 93. When he died, he left 14 children, 28 grandchildren, 35 great-grandchildren, and a 15 foot hole in the wall of the crematorium.

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So we were lying on our backs on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 10-year-old son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, "Dad, why are we here?" And this is what I said. "I've thought a lot about it, son, and I don't think it's all that complicated. I think maybe we're here just to teach a kid how to bunt, turn two and eat sunflower seeds without using his hands." "We're here to pound the steering wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, 20 minutes after we pulled into the garage. We're here to look all over, give up and then find the ball in the hole." "We're here to watch, at least once, as the pocket collapses around John Elway, and it's fourth-and-never. Or as the count goes to 3 and 1 on Mark McGwire with bases loaded, and the pitcher begins wishing he'd gone on to med school. Or as a little hole you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly opens in front of Jeff Gordon with a lap to go." "We're here to wear our favorite sweat-soaked Boston Red Sox cap, torn Slippery Rock sweatshirt and the Converses we lettered in, on a Saturday morning with nowhere we have to go and no one special we have to be." "We're here to rake on a jack-high nothin' hand and have nobody know it but us. Or get in at least one really good brawl, get a nice shiner and end up throwing an arm around the guy who gave it to us." "We're here to shoot a six-point elk and finally get the f-stop right, or to tie the perfect fly, make the perfect cast, catch absolutely nothing and still call it a perfect morning." "We're here to nail a yield sign with an apple core from half a block away. We're here to make our dog bite on the same lame fake throw for the gazillionth time. We're here to win the stuffed bear or go broke trying." "I don't think the meaning of life is gnashing our bicuspids over what comes after death but tasting all the tiny moments that come before it. We're here to be the coach when Wendell, the one whose glasses always fog up, finally makes the only perfect backdoor pass all season. We're here to be there when our kid has three goals and an assist. And especially when he doesn't." "We're here to see the Great One setting up behind the net, tying some poor goaltender's neck into a Windsor knot. We're here to watch the Rocket peer in for the sign, two out, bases loaded, bottom of the career. We're here to witness Tiger's lining up the 22-foot double breaker to win and not need his autograph afterward to prove it." "We're here to be able to do a one-and-a-half for our grandkids. Or to stand at the top of our favorite double-black on a double-blue morning and overhear those five wonderful words: 'Highway's closed. Too much snow.'" "We're here to get the Frisbee to do things that would have caused medieval clergymen to burn us at the stake." "I don't think we're here to make SportsCenter. The really good stuff never does. Like leaving Wrigley at 4:15 on a perfect summer afternoon and walking straight into Murphy's with half of section 503. Or finding ourselves with a free afternoon, a little red 327 fuel-injected 1962 Corvette convertible and an unopened map of Vermont's backroads." "We're here to get the triple-Dagwood sandwich made and the football kicked off at the very second your sister begins tying up the phone until Tuesday." "None of us are going to find ourselves on our deathbeds saying, 'Dang, I wish I'd spent more time on the Hibbings account.' We're going to say, 'That scar? I got that scar stealing a home run from Consolidated Plumbers!" "See, grown-ups spend so much time doggedly slaving toward the better car, the perfect house, the big day that will finally make them happy when happy just walked by wearing a bicycle helmet two sizes too big for him. We're not here to find a way to heaven. The way is heaven. Does that answer your question, son?" And he said, "Not really, Dad." And I said, "No?" And he said, "No, what I meant is, why are we here when Mom said to pick her up 40 minutes ago?" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dave Warwak, 44, Fox River, Ill Yesterdays Kudo was for Superintendent Jacqueline Krause who told the boneheaded bigot to get lost. Vegan teacher suspended A vegan middle school teacher says he's not going back to class until the school stops serving milk and meat. He doesn't really have any choice about that, since he has been told to leave the school. Dave Warwak has been a teacher at Fox River Grove Middle School for eight years. The 44-year-old became a vegan in January and believes the school is "feeding poison" to students. He also believes the school's posters featuring milk are wrong. Warwak says he won't return until the posters are removed. He's looked into filing child-endangerment charges because he claims it's wrong to promote animal products as part of healthy diet. Warwak says he was asked to leave the school last week because he talked about animal-cruelty issues like milking innocent cows.
Why men die before women
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sarah Re: Refilling ink cartridges Dear Webby I thought I was getting a good deal when I bought a cheap printer for $39, but now I am stuck with having to buy $59 cartridges or lose the warranty. Can they tell if I refill the cartridges, and how difficult is it to refill them? Thanks Sarah Dear Sarah Get real! Who cares about the warranty on a disposable $39 printer? It will die a few days after the warranty is up anyway, and nobody will even diagnose the problems for less than $50. If it dies during the warranty period, they will replace it, but usually nobody will even look at an old $39 printer. Refilling is easy if you have a proper refill kit like the ones sold by Atlantic inkjet .com. Any kid can do it. The kit comes with everything you need and easy to follow, illustrated instructions. We have used kits from Atlantic inkjet .com and their bulk bottles of ink for at least seven years and never had a problem. Have FUN! DearWebby

A college senior took his new girlfriend to the Super Bowl. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and were watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at that fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer to him and said, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept....!"

Deeli's Kudos Mugger picks on blind judo champ A German mugger who picked on a blind man had a shock when his 'victim' turned out to be a world judo champ. Michael Esser, 33, a world champion last year in martial arts for the visually impaired, ended up pummelling his 17-year-old attacker into submission. Mr Esser had just bought a packet of cigarettes outside the railway station in Marburg when the skinheaded, jobless attacker demanded them. "Give me those, Stevie," he said in what police said was a reference to blind singer Stevie Wonder. He lunged for the cigarettes and hit the man in the face. The blind man then seized his arm, shoved it behind his back and kneed him in the back of his legs. Then he twisted him around and flung him face-first on to the pavement, pinning him to the ground with his body. "The blind Judoka used some expert moves to wrestle the robber to the ground and pinned him down while he shouted for help," Marburg police said in a statement. The champion had to be treated for a bloody nose following the incident but he said: "I may be blind but I am fit. I hope he thinks twice before he picks on blind people again." "I didn't bother to go to the hospital because I was off to meet some mates to listen to a football match. At least I still had my smokes to enjoy!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trace Your Child's Feet So that I don't miss out on kids' shoe sales when I am out shopping without my daughter, I periodically trace her feet on a piece of paper, cut it out and tuck it in my purse. Then if I see shoes on sale I just measure up the soles. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

During her annual checkup, a well-built lady was asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table. "Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of you." "That's all right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You get undressed and tell me when you're through." In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness, "Doctor, I've undressed. What should I do with my clothes?" "Your clothes?" answered the doctor. "Put them over here, on top of mine!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000, and we're going to decide this case solely on its merits!"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: The cars we drove
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Dear Webby: Media Player to DVD 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 12, 2007

People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within. --- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village . When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher. "Howdy," said the hillbilly. "This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?" "Oh, all the usual subjects," said the teacher, nodding at the boy. "Reading, writing, arithmetic." "What's this ?" interrupted the father. "Arith....arith... what did you say?" "'Arithmetic, Sir," said the teacher, "instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry." "Trigonometry!" cried the delighted hillbilly. "That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family."
On their wedding night, the young bride went up to her new husband. "Since we're married now, we can arrange our sex life like this: In the evening, if my hair is done, that means I don't want sex at all. If my hair is somewhat undone, that means I may or may not have sex. And if my hair is completely undone, that means I want sex." "Okay sweetheart," the groom replied. "Just make sure, when I come home, I usually have a drink. If I have only one drink, that means I don't want sex. If I have two drinks, I may or may not want sex. But if I have three drinks, your hair doesn't matter."

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Wife to husband: "What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night?" Husband to wife: "Golfing with friends, my dear." Wife to husband: "What? At 2 a.m?!" Husband to wife: "Yes, We used night clubs." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a Darwin Award goes to Edie Bolanos, 32, of Hammond, Indiana Mother dies after 2 kids killed in mini-van, train collision Video caught woman trying to race a freight train at a Hammond railroad crossing 5:22 AM CDT, September 11, 2007 A mother caught on video more than a week ago trying to race a freight train with her mini-van in northwest Indiana, before two of her children were killed and two of them injured, when their vehicle was hit by TWO trains, died of her injuries early today. Edie Bolanos, 32, of Hammond was pronounced dead at 2:10 a.m. at Loyola University Medical Center in Maywood, where she had been in critical condition since the Sept. 1 crash in Hammond, according to the Cook County medical examiner's office. Her death comes after two of her children, Crystal Bolanos, 11, and Anahi Bolanos, 8, were killed outside the Northern Indiana Commuter Transportation District's Hammond station. Her two other children were treated for their injuries at the University of Chicago Comer Children's Hospital and released. The footage, which was captured by several cameras, showed a 1999 Mercury Villager moving at a high rate of speed through the station's parking lot alongside an eastbound freight train. The video showed the Villager turning south onto the Johnson Avenue crossing before it was struck by a westbound train, then by the eastbound train that she had been racing. The crash took place on the CSX rail line, not far from the South Shore Line station. Edie Bolanos worked on the assembly line at a window company. http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/loca ... ;cset=true
Thanks to Scorpio_9FromGa for sending these pictures:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Burn movies from mediaPlayer to DVD Dear Webby Can I use Windows Media Player to burn DVDs? Ann Dear Ann Unfortunately, no. At this time, according to Microsoft, Windows Media Player can only be used to burn CDs and copy files to portable devices. If you have a DVD burner, and you want to burn DVDs, you must use the software that came with the DVD burner. Have FUN! DearWebby
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One day a bachelor who was a poor tipper walked into his favorite restaurant and ordered lunch. A new waitress served his meal and received a three cent tip. When he came in the next day, she thanked him for his "generosity" and she said she could tell the character of a diner by the way he tipped. "Well, what could you tell about me?" he asked. "You put three pennies in a neat row," said the waitress, "and that shows you are a very tidy person. The first penny tells me you are a frugal, and the second tells me that you are a bachelor." "That's true," he agreed. "But what does the third penny tell you?" "The third penny tells me your Father was a bachelor, too."

Deeli's Kudos Vegan teacher suspended A vegan middle school teacher says he's not going back to class until the school stops serving milk and meat. He doesn't really have any choice about that, since he has been told to leave the school. Dave Warwak has been a teacher at Fox River Grove Middle School for eight years. The 44-year-old became a vegan in January and believes the school is "feeding poison" to students. He also believes the school's posters featuring milk are wrong. Warwak says he won't return until the posters are removed. He's looked into filing child-endangerment charges because he claims it's wrong to promote animal products as part of healthy diet. Warwak says he was asked to leave the school last week because he talked about animal-cruelty issues like milking innocent cows.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Buying Books Discount bookstores and used books stores usually sell books for half off cover price and online retailers can be even cheaper. The cheapest place to find books, by far, is garage sales and rummage sales. Books are usually only .25 to .50. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A truck driver brought before the judge for an assault charge. The Judge asked the man why he beat the victim up so bad and the truck driver answered: "Well sir Judge that man called me a stupid son-of-a-bitch." The judge replied, "Well you didn't need to beat him up that bad". The truck driver answered "I know that Judge, but what would you do if he called you a stupid son-of-a bitch". The Judge answered: "But I'm not a stupid son-of-a-bitch" The truck driver answered: "I know that judge, but what would you do if he called you the kind of a son-of-a-bitch, you are".

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
CONGRESS EMBRACES INTERNET TECHNOLOGY IN CAMPAIGN FINANCE REFORM Priceline.com's stock soared and Ebay created an entire new section on their online auction site to accommodate the US Congress' overhaul of campaign financial law. Senator John McCain, in a speech from Capitol Hill, praised his fellow Senators's choice to "name your own price" for Congressional influence. "This is significant legislation that will turn around a stagnant economy by pouring millions into politicians' pockets." In the new law, private citizens will be able to log onto Priceline.com and "name their own price" to influence a member of the House. Citizens wishing to purchase a Senator still need to log on to Ebay, but need to be aware that Senators don't stay bought.

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Dear Webby: Two versions of PSP on one computer 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 11, 2007

There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics. --- Benjamin Disraeli
Over the massive front doors of a church, these words were inscribed: "The Gate of Heaven." Below that was a small cardboard sign which read: "Please use other entrance."
Cassie was a really good mom. When her children were growing up, her one son gave her more "Don't kill! Stop and count to 10" moments than all the others together.. Once, after he fell, or jumped, into the pond and came home with his good school clothes dripping wet, the exasperated Cassie sent him to his room while she washed and dried his clothes. A little later, Cassie heard a commotion in the back yard. She called out "Are you out there wetting your pants again!?" There was dead silence for a moment. Then a deep, masculine voice answered meekly, "No, ma'am, I'm just reading the meter."

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A woman took a package to the post office in Los Angeles and was told it would cost $5.40 for fast delivery or $2.30 for slower service. "There is no hurry," she told the clerk, "just so the package is delivered in my lifetime." He glanced at her, and tilted his head while he thought it over, and then said, "That will be $2.40, please." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Officials at Nepal Airlines Corp. Goats sacrificed for smooth flying KATHMANDU, Nepal (UPI) -- Officials at Nepal Airlines Corp., plagued by recurring technical problems, say they sacrificed two goats to appease the gods. The sacrifice was made in front of an NAC aircraft at the airline's hangar at the Tribhuvan International Airport in Kathmandu, with airline executives in attendance, ekantipur.com reported. The airline's top management was consulted before the worship and goat blood was offered to the deity, an NAC official said. The idea to offer a sacrifice came to an airline engineer who said he dreamed that a deity was angry because the corporation had not appeased him by sacrificing goats, the news agency said.
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ginny Re: Paint Shop Pro Dear Webby On my new computer I got Paint Shop Pro version 11 included. It works OK, but I found it to be very klutzy compared to version 7A on my old computer. What little quality improvements there might theoretically be in the new version, though I have not noticed any, are more than wiped out by the weird way of doing stuff. To me, it seems, all they did was make the user interface klutzy and slow everything down. My new computer is four times faster than my old one, but PSP 11 is four times slower on the new computer than version 7 is on the old one! Can I run both versions on the new computer? Ginny Dear Ginny Yes, Version 7 was still made by JASC, from before they got taken over by Corel. It runs just fine on a machine that has Corel PSP on it. They don't interfere and they don't interact. Just install it and make it the default program for jpg and gif and any graphics you work on. By the way, I feel the same way about version 11 and don't use it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The woman seated herself in the psychiatrists office. "What seems to be the problem?" the doctor asked. "Well, I, uh," she stammered. "I think I, uh, might be a nymphomaniac." "I see," he said. "I can help you, but I must advise you that my fee is $80 an hour." "That's not bad," she replied. "How much for all night?"

Deeli's Kudos Man gave dog kiss-of-life A prison officer saved his dying sniffer dog by giving him the kiss of life. Handler Steve Tugwell, 42, leapt into action when he saw Welsh springer spaniel Frodo lying unconscious, reports The Sun. Frodo had been play-fighting with fellow sniffer dog Patch when Patch's jaws got entangled in Frodo's collar and choked him. Frodo appeared lifeless when Steve hacked off the collar with a knife. Steve, who works at Long Lartin prison in Worcester, said: "He looked a goner. I pulled the tongue to one side, made a cone with my hands, and used the little finger of one of them to place across Frodo's nostrils. "I blew three times down the cone and to my amazement I saw Frodo's rib cage started to move." "It wasn't pleasant - Frodo's mouth was horribly smelly - but it saved his life and I wouldn't hesitate to do it again." The two-year-old was rushed to a vet, made a full recovery and was back on duty two weeks later.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Wallpaper An easy way to strip wallpaper is to score it first, and then using a spritzer bottle filled with fabric softener, spray the wall. After removing as much vinyl or paper as possible, re-spray and the layer of glue/adhesive will strip right off. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

This man walked into a Fifth Avenue bank and said to the guard, "Pardon me. I'd like to talk with the fella that arranges loans. The guard replied, "I'm sorry but the loan arranger is out to lunch." "In that case," the man said, "I'd like to talk to Tonto!"

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A man phones a mental hospital and asks the receptionist if there is anybody in Room 27. She goes and checks, and comes back to the phone, telling him No, the room is empty. "Good," says the man. "That means I must have really escaped."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 25 weirdest animals
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Dear Webby:Outlook Express Stationery 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 10, 2007

I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult. --- Rita Rudner "ABC News says Americans spend $300 billion every year on games of chance, and that doesn't even include weddings and elections." --- Argus Hamilton
An old guy went to his doctor and said, "Doc, I think I'm getting senile. Several times lately, I have forgotten to zip up." "That's not senility," replied the doctor. "Senility is when you forget to zip down...."
A priest, a pastor, and a rabbi are walking down the street on a hot day and are quite thirsty. They pass a busy bar and want to go in and get a drink but have no money. But the priest comes up with an idea that he thinks might work, so he goes in alone, telling to others that if his idea works they can all get free drinks. He orders his drink, and when he's finished with it, the bartender gives him his tab. The priest says, "But son,... I already paid for the drink!" The bartender says, "I'm terribly sorry father but it's really busy in here and I must have forgotten." The priest goes out and tells the pastor and the rabbi what happened, so the pastor goes in next. The pastor orders his drink and then informs the bartender that he already had paid when the bartender asks him for the money. Again the bartender apologizes. Finally the rabbi goes in and orders his drink. Again the bartender gives him the tab and the rabbi tells him, "Son, I paid you when I ordered the drink." "I'm terribly sorry rabbi," says the bartender, "I don't know what's wrong with me, but your the third man of the cloth that I've done this to." "I'm sorry son," says the rabbi, "but I'm in a terrible hurry,... Just give me my change for the $20 I gave you, and I'll be on my way...!"

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A loaded minivan pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leapt from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some display of teamwork." The father replied, "I have a system; no one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Percy Honniball, 51, of Oakland, California Sent in by Ross Nothing worth protecting A carpenter caught hammering nails and sawing wood in the nude has been found by a judge to be not guilty of indecent exposure. Alameda County Superior Court Judge Julie Conger ruled Thursday that although Percy Honniball of Oakland was naked, he was not acting lewdly or seeking sexual gratification. Honniball, 51, was arrested last year after he was spotted building cabinets in the buff at a home where he had been hired to work. The carpenter has said he likes to work in the nude because it's more comfortable and it helps him keep his clothes clean. Honniball earned two years' probation in 2003 after being caught three times working naked in Berkeley, which prohibits public nudity. Oakland does not have a similar ban. --------------------- The reason most carpenters wear protective clothing, is because they got something worth protecting.
Thanks to kati for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Cyndi Re: Outlook Depressed stationery Dear Webby, I have Outlook Express 6 and Windows XP. When I download and try to use EML stationeries, and click to use one, the to: and subject lines do not appear to use the stationery. I know it is not an Microsoft Update, because I really watch the ones that I update. Could it be in my Outlook Express settings somewhere. This happened once before and I knew how to fix it, seemed like it was very simple. I hope you can help me. Cyndi Dear Cyndi As I have mentioned many times before, I do not allow Outlook Depressed within 10 feet of any Webby computer, and I don't know how to fix Outlook Depressed problems. For help with Outlook Depressed problems you have to write to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com. If you are blocking her reply, check her blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog Your question and her reply will show up there too. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The following was overheard at a recent high society party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood."

Deeli's Kudos Foiled burglar loses clothes in tussle The Associated Press | Sunday, Sep 9 2007 2:01 PM Last Updated: Sunday, Sep 9 2007 2:06 PM A man who allegedly tried to burglarize a home lost his clothes in a scuffle with the 69-year-old homeowner and then tried to streak away before he was arrested. Wayne and Kathie Boniface returned home from dinner Thursday night at a neighbor's to find the man in their house. Wayne Boniface said the man made the mistake of grabbing his wife. "As soon as he grabbed my wife, I had him in the kitchen wrestling him to the ground in a headlock and arm-lock," Boniface said. First, Boniface said, he ripped the man's shirt off. Then, "his head was down over the railing, and in today's world, pants are worn fairly loose. I pulled his pants, and his pants and underpants and shoes came completely off. He was completely nude." When police asked Boniface if he could identify the suspect, he said: "Oh, yeah. I believe he's the only guy running nude in Duluth." The 20-year-old man was apprehended about 20 minutes later. He has been charged with two counts of first-degree burglary. The man's name was not released.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Socks Together Attach pairs of socks with a safety pin before putting them in the washer. Even better, pin them together when you take them off and toss them in the dirty clothes hamper. The best safety pins are diaper safety pins which are less likely to damage other clothing. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A Statistician, a Biologist and a Physicist are sitting in a street cafe watching people going in and coming out of the house on the other side of the street. First they see two people going into the house. Time passes. After a while they notice three persons coming out of the house. The Physicist says: "The measurement wasn't accurate." The Biologist concludes: "They have reproduced." The Statistician says: "Now if another person enters the house, it'll be empty again."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A mother may hope that her daughter will get a better husband than she did, but she knows her son will never get as good a wife as his father did.

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Dear Webby: Convert French XP to English 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 9, 2007

There are two types of people-- those who come into a room and say, 'Well, here I am!' and those who come in and say, 'Ah, there you are.' --- Frederick L Collins Keep your eyes wide open before marriage, half shut afterwards. --- Benjamin Franklin A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong. --- Milton Berle
A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the lawn mower."
During a Law school lecture, the 'Audi alteramparten' rule was explained. Translated it means, "To hear the other party". After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. A man in the back of the class said, "Yes, my wife."

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One day the king and his friend were out on a hunting expedition. The friend would load and prepare the guns for the king. The friend had apparently done something wrong in preparing one of the guns, for after taking the gun from his friend, the king fired it and his thumb was blown off. Examining the situation the friend remarked as usual, "This is good!" To which the king replied, "No, this is NOT good!"and proceeded to send his friend to jail. About a year later, the king was hunting in an area that he should have known to stay clear of. Cannibals captured himand took them to their village. They tied his hands, stacked some wood, set up a stake and bound him to the stake. As they came near to set fire to the wood, they noticed that the king was missing a thumb. Being superstitious, they never ate anyone that was less than whole. So untying the king, they sent him on his way. As he returned home, he was reminded of the event that had takenhis thumb and felt remorse for his treatment of his friend. He went immediately to the jail to speak with his friend. "You were right," he said, "it was good that my thumb was blown off." And he proceeded to tell the friend all that had just happened. "And so I am very sorry for sending you to jail for so long. It was bad for me to do this..." "No," his friend replied, "this is good!!" "What do you mean, 'This is good!'?? How could it be goodthat I sent my friend to jail for a year?!" "If I had not been in jail, I would have been with you, hunting...!" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to University of Colorado DNA reearchers Conservationists save wrong fish Efforts to save a rare fish suffered a setback when scientists realised they'd been restocking rivers and lakes with the wrong species. Researchers at the University of Colorado have been trying to restore the cutthroat trout, Colorado's official state fish, to its native habitat since the early 1970s. They described the blow to the expensive, decades-long effort as a "setback", reports the Rocky Mountain News. "This was a very surprising result," said Jessica Metcalf, a researcher at CU who led the study. "It's not at all what we expected." The greenback cutthroat, named for the brilliant crimson slashes behind its jaw, was named Colorado's state fish in 1994. It had been declared endangered in 1973 when the scheme was launched to restore the species using sperm and eggs from what were believed to be nine relic populations. However, using DNA analysis, researchers recently found that five of those nine relic populations weren't greenback cutthroats at all, but Colorado River cutthroats. Bruce Rosenlund of the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service, played down the discovery and said only DNA technology could tell the difference between the two species. "Our feeling for a long time has been that they were very, very closely related and indistinguishable... other than the fact that one's on the east side of the Continental Divide and one's on the west side," he said. -------------------------------- It's the same species, ya dummies! Even the same family, just a localized ADAPTATION. When a branch of a family, that moved from Alaska to Florida, shows up at the family re-union with darker skin, that does not make them a different species, or different family!

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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: XP French to English Dear Webby How does one change Windows XP from a French set-up to an English one? Dianne Dear Dianne If you have a legitimate XP set-up CD, you can contact Microsoft and ask to trade it for an English one. Sometimes you can change the keyboard and browser skin from English to French, but if you have the European French version, then apparently you are stuck. If you are in a hurry, visit some garage sales. There are bound to be aome old klunkers for sale in your neighborhood, that have legitimate XP set-up CDs, just burned out hard drives or motherboards, or too slow speed. Use the CD, and turn the klunker into a planter or barbecue. For slightly more money you can buy an English XP at any on-line computer store. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The poor country pastor was livid when he confronted his wife with the receipt for a $250 dress she had bought. "How could you do this!" he exclaimed. "I don't know," she wailed, "I was standing in the store looking at the dress. Then I found myself trying it on. It was like the Devil was whispering to me, 'Gee, you look great in that dress. You should buy it.'" "Well," the pastor persisted, "You know how to deal with him! Just tell him, "Get behind me, Satan!" "I did," replied his wife, "but then he said "It looks great from back here, too"

Deeli's Kudos Flashy B&B set to open A lighthouse is set to be turned into a bed and breakfast. Belle Tout lighthouse at Beachy Head, East Sussex, has already been made into a six-bedroom home after it was sold by the council for just £900 six years ago, reports the Daily Mirror. Now the Belle Tout Lighthouse Preservation Fund wants to raise £850,000 to buy the 175-year-old landmark from owner Louise Roberts after getting planning permission for a B&B. The lighthouse was moved 60ft inland in 1999 to stop it falling into the sea due to coastal erosion.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com How Many Meals When buying meat, calculate how many meals you think you can get out of the package and divide that by how much it costs. Try to get as many meals out of each meat purchase as possible. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A scientist found, to his great surprise, that he was lactose intolerant (unable to digest milk sugar). At dinner that night with his two young daughters (age 9 and 4 years), he mentioned that he had found out that he was lactose intolerant and tried to explain to them what that meant. A couple of months later, he took the kids to a local restaurant for a quick breakfast before shopping. The place was very busy, but the quality of the food and service were obviously not up to par. When they finally got their breakfast, his youngest daughter took a look at her father's omelet and burnt toast and declared very loudly to the waitress "My Daddy can't eat that toast, he is charcoal intolerant."

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Museum of Dirt
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Dear Webby: Computer vision fatigue 

Good Morning,   !
Saturday,  Sept 8, 2007

Any word you have to hunt for in a thesaurus is the wrong word. There are no exceptions to this rule. --- Stephen King "The first step toward success is taken when you refuse to be a captive of the environment in which you first find yourself." --- Mark Caine
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A good piece of chocolate has about 200 calories. As I enjoy two servings per night and a few more on weekends, I consume 3,500 calories of chocolate in a week, which equals to one pound of weight per week. Therefore, in the last three and a half years, I have had a chocolate caloric intake of about 180 pounds. I only weigh 165 pounds, so without chocolate, I would have wasted away to nothing about three months ago. I owe my life to chocolate!
From Doc A mother looked out a window and saw Johnny playing church with their three kittens. He had them lined up and was preaching to them. The mother turned around to do some work. A while later she heard meowing and scratching on the door. She went to the window and saw Johnny baptizing the kittens. She opened the window and said, "Johnny, stop that! You'll drown those kittens." Johnny looked at her and said with much conviction in his voice: "They should had thought of that before they joined my church."

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An American is taking a train from London to Manchester. During the trip he starts complaining about the British to the Englishman sitting across from him in the compartment. "You English are too stuffy," the American says. "You think your stiff upper lips set you above the rest of us. Look at me: I have Italian blood, French blood, a little Indian blood and some Swedish blood. What do you say to that?" Says the Englishman dryly, "Very sporting of your mother." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marius Varzar, 23, from Botosani, Romania Man confesses to murder to get lift home A Romanian man confessed to a murder he did not commit because he wanted a lift home. Marius Varzar, 23, from Botosani, had run out of money and wanted to be taken home by police. He told a police patrol in a village 100 miles from his home that he killed one of his friends and wanted to give himself up. Varzar was arrested and taken to Botosani by a police van where officers were investigating the case of a man found dead in the street. But he was charged and fined after later forensic evidence r evealed the victim was not killed and died from natural causes. The alleged murderer admitted he was only looking for a free ride home. Local police spokesman Florin Gavrilet said: "After interrogating the suspect it turned out he drank all his money and wanted to return home, so he invented this crime." Police did not say how much the man was fined but said the amount was established also to cover for the transportation expenses.
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lucy Re: Eye strain Dear Webby I am working on a large but very important project, but lately after half a day or so, my eyes get tired and sandy. When that happens, I can't concentrate and all I want to do is go for a nap. Is there a solution for that? Lucy Dear Lucy First check the air currents in the room. If necessary, get a smoker to assist you. Especially in a darkened room a flashlight and some smoke will quickly tell you if air from anywhere is bouncing off the monitor or keyboard into your face and drying your eyes. If it is, deflect the air somehwre else. Secondly, raise the monitor or lower the chair so that you sit in the sexy positioning like the typists before the computer age, chest out, back and neck straight, head slightly raised so that a ruler placed under your chin and pointing forward, points slightly upward, not level or down. Your neck and head circulation will improve instantly, and your eyes will feel a lot better. As a fringe benefit, especially if you combine that body posture with a silly grin about it, works as an anti-depressant and mood optimizer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"Here's something that will really make you feel grown up," said a father to his teenage daughter, "Your very own phone bill."

Deeli's Kudos Sent in by Dar The Ontario government has unveiled "Highway of Heroes" signs along a stretch of Highway 401, formally dedicating the route to Canada's fallen soldiers. The 172-kilometre stretch, officially designated as the MacDonald-Cartier Freeway, extends from Toronto to Trenton. It is the route taken to transport the bodies of fallen soldiers to the coroner's office in Toronto once they return to Canada. Large crowds -- including veterans and emergency service personnel -- have routinely gathered on the highway's overpasses to wave flags in support of the troops. Premier Dalton McGuinty said Friday that the signs will serve as a commemoration of the bravery and sacrifice of Canadian soldiers. "The road that links Ontario and Quebec is named in honour of the two leaders who gave life to our young nation more than 140 years ago," said McGuinty. "It is enormously fitting, then, that we dedicate a portion of this very road in honour of those who gave their lives for our nation."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stocking Staples and Cooking From Scratch The key to cooking from scratch is making sure that you have staples on hand. Potatoes are cheap, can be stored for a long time and can be used in a variety of dishes. Other staples to keep on hand are rice, beans, cooking oil and flour. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

While sports fishing off the Florida coast, a tourist capsized his boat. He could swim, but his fear of alligators kept him clinging to the overturned craft. Spotting an old beachcomber standing on the shore, the tourist shouted, "are there any gators around here?!" "Naw," the man hollered back, "Ain't been any for years!" Feeling safe, the tourist started swimming toward the shore. As he got closer to shore he shouted to the guy again "What did you do to get rid of the gators?" "We didn't do nothin'," the beachcomber said. "The sharks got 'em all."

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
A woman passed out and her husband,Bubba, called 911. The operator said they would send someone out right away and asked, "Where do you live?" Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" There was a long pause and finally, Bubba said, "How about I drag her over to Oak Street and you can meet us there?"

Thanks to Sandie for today's Bonus Link: Topiary Galleries
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Dear Webby: Outlook Express problems 


Good Morning,   !
Friday,  Sept 7, 2007
Wear something red today to show your support for the troops!

Humor is everywhere, in that there's irony in just about anything a human does. --- Bill Nye There is nothing more dreadful than imagination without taste. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Woman comes home and tells her husband: "Remember those headaches I've been having all these years? Well, they're gone." "No more headaches?" the husband asks, "What happened?" His wife replies: "Margie referred me to a hypnotist. He told me to stand in front of a mirror, stare at myself and repeat 'I do not have a headache; I do not have a headache, I do not have a headache.' It worked! The headaches are all gone." Well, that is wonderful" Said the husband. His wife then says, "You know, you haven't been exactly a ball of fire in the bedroom these last few years. Why don't you go see the hypnotist and see if he can do anything for that?" The husband agrees to try it. Following his appointment, the husband comes home, rips off his clothes, picks up his wife and carries her into the bedroom. He puts her on the bed and says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." He goes into the bathroom and comes back a few minutes later and jumps into bed and makes passionate love to his wife like never before. His wife says, "Boy, that was wonderful!" The husband says, "Don't move! I will be right back." He goes back into the bathroom, comes back and round two was even better than the first time. The wife sits up and her head is spinning. Her husband again says, "Don't move, I'll be right back." With that, he goes back in the bathroom. This time, his wife quietly follows him and there, in the bathroom, she Sees him standing at the mirror and saying, "She's not my wife. She's not my wife. She's not my wife!" His funeral service will be held on Saturday.
Can you find the names of 16 books from the Bible in the paragraph below without the aid of your bible? (One minister found 15 of the books in 20 minutes, but it took him weeks to find the last one.) I once made the remark about the hidden books of the Bible. It was a lulu; kept people looking so hard for facts... and for others it was a revelation. Some were in a jam, especially since the names of the books were not capitalized. But the truth finally struck home to numbers of our readers. To others it was a real job. We want it to be a most fascinating few moments for you. Yes, there will be some really easy ones to spot. Others may require judges to help them. I will quickly admit it usually takes a minister to find one of them, and there will be loud lamentations when it is found. A little lady says she brews a cup of tea so she can concentrate better. See how well you can compete. Relax now, for there really are sixteen names of books of the Bible in this paragraph.

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Pilot: "Pilot to tower. I am 300 miles from land. 600 feet over water and running out of fuel. Please instruct!" Tower: "Tower to pilot. Tower to pilot. Repeat after me, 'Our Father, who art in heaven...'" Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eric Kyff, 39, and Lauren Allen, 27, of Culpepper, VA Drunk Riders July 23, 2007 - Culpepper, Virginia - AP It was like a scene out of an old Western, with lawmen in hot pursuit of outlaws on horseback. Only this time the pursuers were in police cruisers, and the chase was through a modern suburban neighborhood. Officers got their man - and their woman - when the fleeing riders fell off their mounts. It all started about 10:30 p.m. Saturday when several people confronted a man they claimed was urinating against the side of a Culpeper convenience store, according to town police Sgt. Scott Jenkins. They asked the man to stop because children were present, Jenkins said. Witnesses told police the man cursed those who complained, went into the store, then came out and mounted his horse and charged toward the group. One man retreated behind a propane tank, Jenkins said. When Officer Jeff Dodson arrived, witnesses told him the man and a woman had departed on horseback. When Dodson found them on a subdivision street, the riders fled through a backyard, Jenkins said. But they didn't get far. The man apparently didn't see a utility pole guy wire in the dark. He rode into the wire, which knocked him to the ground. The woman also fell off her horse. Eric Kyff, 39, and Lauren Allen, 27, were charged with riding a horse on a highway after dark without proper reflective material, being drunk in public and obstruction of justice. Kyff also was charged with attempted unlawful wounding. Kyff was held on a $2,500 bond while Allen was released. It wasn't the riders' first clash with the law. At about midnight May 24, Kyff and Allen - again on horseback - were arrested on public drunkeness and railroad track trespassing charges. Allen paid a $25 fine and Kyff a $100 fine, according to court documents. http://apnews1.iwon.com/article/20070724/D8QIMI400.html
Thanks to Trish for sending this picture: Sammi the Labrador and Duncan the Galah on the couch, the photo is not 'engineered' in any way this is what happens every night here. Trish
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: Outlook Express Problems Hi Webby: I am hoping you get this e mail, this is the third try. Can you tell me how to repair outlook express???? Most of my e mails do not reach their destination, and I don't receive most of the ones sent to me I love your newsletter!!!! Ann S Dear Ann Because I don't want the problems that you have, I don't allow Outlook or Outlook Express within ten feet of any Webby machine. You will have to read the answer that the Express Empress posted in the blog on Aug 28, in response to your earlier mail. Just go to http://fire-cat.com/blog/ and scroll down until you see your name. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time playing computer games. In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace." The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was The President of The United States."

Deeli's Kudos August 12, 2007 - Athens, Greece - AFP A middle-aged Greek shepherd unable to walk over long distances now drives to work after training his flock of sheep to follow his car, state television Net reported on Sunday. George Zokos from Tyrnavos in central Greece devised the system after his health deteriorated, and has been 'driving' his sheep to pasture for the past three years, the station said. Zokos' neighbours have dubbed him "the euro-shepherd" for his advanced sheep-herding method. "We would sometimes hear honking, or the car door slamming, and then we realised that it was George training his sheep," a neighbour told the station. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/afp/070812/o ... nimal_farm

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com September Home and Garden Bargains September is a great month to get items for your home and garden at clearance prices. Keep an eye out for seeds, plants, planters, deck stain, outdoor grills and garden tools. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The preacher was having a heart-to-heart talk with a backslider of his flock, whose drinking of moonshine invariably led to quarreling with his neighbors, and occasional shotgun blasts at some of them. "Can't you see, Ben," intoned the parson, "that not one good thing comes out of this drinking?" "Well, I sort of disagree there," replied the backslider. "It makes me miss the folks I shoot at."
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she still hasn't found one yet. Here is one from Glenn A little something for your "Stormy" section. I had a Siamese tomcat and a miniture Dachsund. I built the dog a doghouse with plexiglass, lined the floor and walls with carpet, installed a heat lamp and a thermostat to keep the dog warm without cooking it, because the winters were quite cold. The cat had been quite snobbish with the dog until it saw the doghouse, then it became quite friendly! When it finally did turn cold, it was not unusual to see the cat and dog curled up together in the toasty warm doghouse. It was easy to see in, since the roof was plexiglass, and the U-turn hallway inside the doghouse kept out the cold wind. The roof was hinged so I could put food and water into the doghouse to keep the water from freezing. (Oh, my wife didn't let the dog in the house, so he needed a warm house of his own.) Some years later, we moved, and the cat made friends with the neighbor's bulldog, which was in a privacy-fenced back yard. When the neighborhood tomcats wanted to establish their dominance, the cat ran - straight over the privacy fence and into the neighbor's back yard, the aggresive tom or toms hot on his tail. Funny, one loud bark from that bulldog, and the aggressive tom would come out of that yard even faster than he went into it! Hope you like the story. Glenn

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better,....."

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pencil Sculptures
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby






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Dear Webby: How to export Favorites 

Good Morning,   !
Thursday,  Sept 6, 2007

My goal is to become the person my dog thinks I am. --- Socratex
Thanks to Sandie for this: When I went to the doctor for my yearly physical, my blood pressure was high, my cholesterol was high, I'd gained some weight and I didn't feel so hot. My doctor said that eating right doesn't have to be complicated and it would solve my physical problems. He said, "Just think in colors. Fill your plate with bright colors of greens, yellows, reds, etc." So, I went right home and emptied an entire bag of M&Ms onto a plate, ate them and sure enough, I felt better!
The reporter met the plane that brought back soldiers from their year in Iraq. He wanted to write a human interest story, and asked one soldier, "What's the first thing you'll do when you get home?" The soldier immediately replied, "Spend an hour in bed with my wife." The reporter realized he'd never get that printed, and asked, "Oh. Well, and what will you do after that ?" "Take off these stupid combat boots!"

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A lady on her first visit to Yellowstone National Park said to her guide, "Look at all those big rocks. Wherever did they come from?" "The glaciers brought them down," said the guide. "But where are the glaciers?" The lady asked. "The glaciers," said the guide in a weary voice, "have gone back for more rocks." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a gang of Romanian burglars in Italy Burglars stole candy from baby A sweet-toothed gang of Romanian burglars was caught after stealing candy from a baby. They grabbed a handful of lollipops during a house raid in Italy and dumped them half-eaten nearby. But police found and tested the lollipops and managed to match up vital DNA evidence contained in saliva. Police in Alessandria identified the seven-man gang which were behind 78 robberies in the area in the last three months. The lollies had been bought by their victims for their sweet toothed toddler, and were discarded after being half-eaten. A police spokesman said: "Officers found the lollipops just a few yards away from the house they robbed."
Thanks to Doug for sending this picture by his friend Arnie: Bull Elk swimming across Powell Lake
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: How do I "export" favorites Dear Webby How do I "export" favorites from MSIE? Olga Dear Olga Open the browser, hold down ALT and hit F I N E Enter, Enter, Enter. Just remember ALT Fine Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mother wanted to teach her daughter a moral lesson. She gave the little girl a quarter and a dollar for church. "Put whichever one you want in the collection plate and keep the other for yourself," she told the girl. When they were coming out of the church, the mother asked her daughter which amount she had given. "Well," said the little girl, "I was going to give the dollar, but just before the collection the man in the pulpit said that we should all be cheerful givers. I knew I'd be a lot more cheerful if I gave the quarter, so I did."

Deeli's Kudos August 12, 2007 - Glenville, New York - AP An 83-year-old New York skydiver, who's been jumping out of airplanes for less than ten years, has reached the 100 jump mark. Leo Dean of Albany now has his sights set on 200 jumps. Dean took up skydiving after he was widowed in 1998. He says he wondered if he had "the nerve to step out the door" and was pleased to find out he did. Dean is a veteran of the Second World War and still works as vice president of a financial services company. He made his 100th skydive Saturday and says he won't give it up till he has to. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... d_skydiver

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save All The Receipts Save all the receipts from back to school shopping so you can return items that turn out to not be needed. Also, your child may decide they want to wear a different style clothes after school starts, keep tags and receipts so unwanted (and unused) items can be returned. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In California's Sonoma Valley, where vineyards cater to wine snobbery, a woman phoned the classified ad department of a newspaper. She offered for sale what sounded like "well-aged Caumeneur." The ad-taker was unfamiliar with that particular, wine, but was used to the infusion of French words into the local vocabulary. "Could you please spell that?" she asked. "You know," said the woman impatiently, "C-o-w M-a-n-u-r-e
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she still hasn't found one yet, so I'll throw in a dog story of my own. One time a summer storm got a bit carried away and tree branches and pine cones and squirrels and pieces of bark and who knows what were flying along horizontally. Luckily my workshop was sheltered bythe garage on the windy side and all the windows were on the safe sides. I watched how the dogs were coping with it. Most were lying down in their favorite naptime configurations, except Dora. She stood there, facing the wind, snapping at pine cones and whatever flew by. Then she actually caught a squirrel! Either she or the squirrel must have made a certain noise, because instantly all the other dogs were on their feet and playing the same game, catching wind-blown stuff, and having a great time. It only lasted about a few minutes, then the wind slowed down. The dogs all turned to look down to the workshop and giving short barks, as if they were trying to coax me to turn the wind on again. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students, pointing out some of the rules. "The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time." He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?" At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired: "How much for a season pass?"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Popcorn Recipes
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Organize favorites 

Good Morning,   !
Wednesday,  Sept 5, 2007

I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. --- Dan Quayle, 5/22/89 If your parents never had children, chances are you won't, either. --- Dick Cavett
I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeeeah, and this is a street lamp!"
Joe was sitting at the bar, sunk in misery. The bartender said, "You look awful, pal. What's your problem." Joe stared into his drink and said, "I'm tired of being a social outcast. I'm with the circus, you see, and clean up the animal cages. Well, it's not the most wonderful smell in the world and because of it people avoid me. It's not fair!" "I see what you mean," the bartender sniffed. "But I've got an idea. There are openings down at the factory. They are regular hours and it probably pays better than the circus. Why don't you apply?" "What!" asked Joe, a bit offended, "And leave show business?"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A census taker in a rural area went up to a farmhouse and knocked. When a woman came to the door, he asked her how many children she had and their ages. She said, "Les' see now, there's the twins, Sally and Billy, they're eighteen. And the twins, Seth & Beth, they're sixteen. And the twins, Penny and Jenny, they're fourteen ... " "Hold on!" said the census taker, "Did you get twins EVERY time?" The woman answered, "Heck no, there were hundreds of times we didn't get nothin'...." Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kyle Garchar, 17, of Hillard, Ohio H.S. student pulls prank on football rival HILLIARD, Ohio (UPI) -- An Ohio high school senior suspended for playing an elaborate prank on a rival school's football fans says he copied a stunt done at Yale University. At Friday night's game between Darby and Davidson high schools in Hilliard, Darby fans held up squares of black or white construction paper, thinking they were spelling out "Go Darby." The actual message was "We suck." Kyle Garchar, 17, a Davidson senior, received an in-school suspension and was banned from school activities for a semester for orchestrating the prank. He told The Columbus Dispatch he was trying to think of a memorable senior prank and a friend suggested a trick Yale had once pulled on Harvard. "I saw it could be done, so I just wanted to see if I could do it," Garchar said. He spent about 20 "tedious" hours figuring out how to get the desired result. Darby won the game 21-10. For many Davidson fans, the prank was the best part of the game. "It's going to be legendary," said Andrew Eusebio, a recent Davidson grad. "No one is going to forget about it."
Thanks to my dad for sending this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Alternative to Favorites Dear Webby Is there a way to tag your favorites (bookmarks) so that the regularly used ones stay on top and don't get shuffled in with new ones? Thanks Olga Dear Olga There are various programs that try to do that, but so far I have not found one that is good enough to recommend. You can EXPORT the pookmarks to an HTML page, just like you do when you back them up. That HTML page is just like a web page menu and you can move entries up and down according to your priorities, and insert new ones wherever you want. You don't need any special editor or skills for that. Any text editor like NotePad or NoteMaid will do fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two poets, who had been bitter rivals, met each other on a street corner. Naturally the old rivalry resumed itself. "You know, " said the first poet, "since we last met, my readership has increased!" "Oh congratulations!" the second poet replied. "I didn't know you got married!"

Deeli's Kudos Couples join the 'Love Revolution' NEARLY 7,000 couples smooched on Saturday in the Bosnian town of Tuzla in an attempt to break the world simultaneous kissing record. Organisers of the "Love Revolution" hope to win the title from Hungary, where 6,400 couples set the record in June.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Work Bench Yard Stick Nail or glue a yard stick to the front of your workbench for quick measurements. It comes in handy when you need to make a lot of small measurements. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Matchmaker goes to see Mr Cohen, a confirmed bachelor for many years. "Mr Cohen, don't leave it too late. I have exactly the one you need. You only have to say the word and you'll meet and be married in no time!" says the Matchmaker. "Don't bother," replies Mr Cohen, "I've two sisters at home, who look after all my needs." "That's all well and good, but all the sisters in the world cannot fill the role of a wife." "I said 'two sisters'. I didn't say they were MY sisters!"
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she still hasn't found one yet, so I'll throw in a dog story of my own. One time a visitor asked if there was a trail from my house up the mountain behind the little lake, where my house was. I told her, sure, just animal trails trampled out a bit by me and my dogs. Since I was fairly busy, I told her she could take a dog along to guide her. Well, she had seen a picture of me running up a mountain being towed by a dog, and wanted to try the same. Since she was a tad overweight, she figured she would need a very strong dog, so she picked Dora, a very muscular and low to the ground heavy puller. I offered her my running belt, which was basically just an oversize web belt with 5" clips to clip into my jeans belt hoops, so that it hung 5 inches below the regular belt. She declined and insisted on clipping Dora's chain to her belt buckle. Three minutes later she was back with a bloody nose and her front decorated with bits of moss and pine needles. Dora had wanted to go faster than she could run on rough terrain, causing her to lose her balance and do a nose dive, just like most beginners. Now she accepted the low belt, and I told her to lean back just like on a T-Bar ski lift. And I offered her a light-weight moto-cross helmet with steel face guard. No, she wanted her head free and her har blow in the wind. Five minutes later she was back with most of her make-up scratched off her face by branches along the trail. She had been flailing with her arms to keep her balance instead of guarding against low tree branches or high bushes. This time she accepted the helmet and also a less powerful tow dog. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Thanks to Vickey for this GROANER: A MECHANIC AND HIS DOG A mechanic who worked out of his home had a dog named Mace. Mace had a bad habit of eating all the grass in the mechanic's lawn, so the mechanic had to keep Mace inside. The grass eventually became overgrown. One day the mechanic was working on a car in his backyard and dropped his wrench losing it in the tall grass. He couldn't find it for the life of him so he decided to call it a day. That night, Mace escaped from the house and ate all the grass in the backyard. The next morning, the mechanic went outside and saw his wrench glinting in the sunlight. Realizing what had happened, he looked up to the heavens and sang out loudly, proclaiming... (Are you ready for this?) "A grazing Mace, how sweet the hound that saved a wrench for me!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Whiskers
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: AOL Address Book 

Good Morning,   !
Tuesday,  Sept 4, 2007

An adventure is only an inconvenience rightly considered. An inconvenience is an adventure wrongly considered. --- G. K. Chesterton
The social studies teacher had just finished a unit on war and peace. "How many of you," he asked, "would say you're opposed to war?" Not surprisingly, all hands went up. The teacher asked, "Who'll give us the reason for being opposed to war?" A large, bored-looking boy in the back of the room raised his hand. "Johnny?" the teacher said. "I hate war," Johnny said, "because wars make history, and I hate History!"
In August 1975 three men were on their way in to rob the Royal Bank of Scotland at Rothesay, when they got stuck in the revolving doors. They had to be helped free by the staff and, after thanking everyone, sheepishly left the building. A few minutes later they returned and announced their intention of robbing the bank, but none of the staff believed them. When they demanded 5,000 pounds in cash, the head cashier laughed at them, convinced that it was a practical joke. Then one of the men jumped over the counter, but fell to the floor clutching his ankle. The other two tried to make their getaway, but got trapped in the revolving doors again.

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
One day this old lady walks into the doctors office and is shown into a room. When the doctor comes in and asks what the problem is she answers, "I have awful gas, but it doesn't bother me. You see, it's completely silent, and doesn't smell at all." So the doctor, after examining her thoroughly gives her some pills and tells her to take one everyday and come back in a week. So the old lady comes back, and when the doctor asks if her problem is any better she replies, "Well I don't know what you gave me but now my gas smells terribly!" The doctor replies "Well now that we've got your sinuses cleared up let's work on your hearing!"' Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the driver of a new Dodge Pick-up in Vernon, BC Sent in by JRC Too drunk to notice a light pole? This happened in Vernon, B.C. How can you not notice that you are carrying a light post?!! This driver hit the left turn island traffic light at 48th Avenue and 27th Street sheering it off at the base and then kept driving on about 2 kms. to Squires Four Pub. It is not sure if he stopped because the truck dumped all its oil or if the cops pulled him over but you would hope it was not for more beer.The truck was then towed to Vernon Towing's yard about 2.5 kms. with the light still pinched between the two tow hooks and bumper. It took several hard pulls with the backhoe to get the light free. Picture below.
Thanks to JRC for this picture:
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Evi Re: Still Not getting subscription Okay- I went online to your letter, and did read it; so obviously the problem is AOL....but I can't find the "white-list" you talk about in AOL to add your name to it..................... I have searched everything I can find in AOL-- and it just keeps taking me to different sites I can add "My" name to to request a white list for mail I'm sending............................. do you know how I "find" and access this "white list" for incoming mail to add you? I have added dear webby to my favorite places, and my address book hoping that will help.... but I can't find the white-list you speak of in AOL to add you to that. Evie Dear Evi Have you tried putting humor@webby.com into your address book? By the way, your rr address claims that there is no such user. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two women were paired together as partners in a club tournament and met on the putting green for the first time. After introductions, the first golfer asked, "What's your handicap?" "Oh, I'm a scratch golfer," the other replied. "Really!" exclaimed the first woman, suitably impressed that she was paired up with her. "Yes, I write down all my good scores and scratch out the bad ones!
Deeli's Kudos August 10, 2007 - Winnepeg - CP She likes to nap and nosh on her favourite foods, but at her age the grande dame can be forgiven her indulgences. Debby, who lives in a rocky enclosure at Winnipeg's Assiniboine Park Zoo, was recently named the world's oldest polar bear by Guinness World Records. At 40, Debby has doubled the life expectancy of most polar bears. In the wild, the massive Arctic bears usually live about 20 years. Zoo officials believe Debby was born in December 1966 and arrived in Winnipeg from Russia the following spring. For years, she shared an enclosure with her mate Skipper, who died six years ago at age 34. When they were younger, the bears would cuddle together outside through the night, even in -40 C. temperatures. In the morning, they'd wake up completely covered in snow drifts. Their long relationship was unusual for the usually solitary animals. As for the secret to Debby's longevity, zookeepers can only guess. If Debby stays healthy for the next few years, she could break another record. As it stands, she is almost the oldest bear in recorded history, second only to a 43-year-old bruin from a zoo in Detroit, Wrigley said. At a celebration of her Guinness record later this month, zookeepers plan to feed Debby some of her favourite treats - smoked goldeye, veggie dogs and a fish frozen inside a block of ice. http://ca.news.yahoo.com/s/capress/0708 ... polar_bear

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com The Night Before School Starts On the night before school, have your child lay his or her clothing out, have lunches and backpacks packed and a quick and easy to prepare breakfast on hand for the morning. Make sure your kids set their alarm clocks and establish an "out the door time". Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Billy for this story: I was the last to leave the office one Friday evening and managed to lock myself out without my overcoat and wallet. Kneeling in a deserted hallway to try picking an electronic lock with a paper clip, I heard the seam of my suit trousers rip apart. About then I realized I needed a screwdriver to remove the lock plate, and said so, aloud. Seconds later the elevator doors next to my office opened, revealing a screwdriver in the middle of the floor. There was a crackle from the wall speaker next to the elevator. "This is security," said a voice. "There's your screwdriver. Sorry, but I don't have a needle or thread for your pants!"
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she hasn't found one yet, so I'll throw in a dog story of my own. On hot days dogs need a lot of water, and I would hate to see them go thirsty if they knock over their dish. So I used 55 gallon drums cut in half for water dishes. One time my girlfriend came running into the workshop where I was making some parts for the windmill and yelled that Dora's pups were in her water dish and couldn't get out, and that Dora wouldn't let her go near them. The pups were about 3 months old and were getting their water at the lake about 30 feet away, so they were probably just goofing around, or Dora tossed them in there so that they would leave her alone. I suggested that she go to the dogfood barrel, take the lid off and start filling the pail. The moment she touched the lid, all the dogs started their usual dinner howl, making sure that they were not forgotten. The pups jumped and clambered over the edge of the sawed off barrel and were milling around her feet before she had finished filling the pail. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
My grandfather worked in a blacksmith shop when he was a boy, and he used to tell me, when I was a little boy myself, how he had toughened himself up so he could stand the rigors of blacksmithing. One story was how he had developed his arm and shoulder muscles. He said he would stand outside behind the house and, with a 5 pound potato sack in each hand, extend his arms straight out to his sides and hold them there as long as he could. After a while he tried 10 pound potato sacks, then 50 pound potato sacks and finally he got to where he could lift a 100 pound potato sack in each hand and hold his arms straight out for more than a full minute! Next, he started putting potatoes in the sacks.

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Stereoscopes, First 100 years
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Not getting subscriptions 

Good Morning,   !
Monday,  Sept 3, 2007
Happy Labor Day!

Orthodox medicine has not found an answer to your complaint. However, luckily for you, I happen to be a quack. --- Richter
A reporter was interviewing Jack Nicklaus. He said, "Jack, you are spectacular, your name is synonymous with the game of golf. You really know your way around the course. What is your secret?" To which Jack replied, "The holes are numbered!"
A truck driver was having lunch at a truck stop when 8 motorcyclists came in. They ate his crackers, drank his water, etc., and he made no move to object. After he left one of the group laughed and said, "He wasn't much of a man, was he?" The waitress behind the counter, looking out the window said, "He's not much of a truck driver, either. He just ran over 8 motorcycles!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions. First she asked, "Davy, what noise does a cow make?" He responded, "It goes moo." The she asked, "Alice, what noise does a cat make?" Alice replied, "It goes meow." Next she asked, "Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?" Her response was, "It goes baa." Finally she questioned one last child, "Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?" She replied, "Er, it goes ... click!" Each evening bird lover Tom stood in his backyard, hooting like an owl - and one night, an owl finally called back to him. For a year, the man and his feathered friend hooted back and forth. He even kept a log of the "conversation"... Just as he thought he was on the verge of a breakthrough in interspecies communication, his wife had a chat with her next door neighbor. "My husband spends his nights ... calling out to owls," she said. "That's odd," the neighbor replied. "So does my husband!"
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sherri Ferns, 35 of Concord, NH Not sporty! August 4, 2007 - Concord, New Hampshire - AP A New Hampshire woman has been charged with assault for allegedly throwing pizza at an umpire at a Little League game in Concord last month. Police say 35-year-old Sherri Ferns was working in a concession stand. Her son is on the Concord All-Star team, which lost a close game on July 11. A league investigation said Concord parents and Little League volunteers taunted the umps and tried to provoke them. Police say Ferns tossed pizza that hit one ump and a parent. She's charged with two counts of simple assault. The league disciplined nine parents, board members and volunteers, asking some to resign from the board. Ferns was one of the nine. http://wcco.com/watercooler/watercooler ... 15021.html
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: The station is not pretty, but the view sure is!
Get a Dish Network for as low as $19.99/month Free HD & DVR Equipment & Free installation Free Dish Network Satellite TV Systems We are nationwide Dishnetwork retailer! http://www.AFreeDish.com
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Evi Re: Not getting subscription For some unknown reason I haven't received your most enjoyed news letter for several weeks, although your web page does show I am still subscribed to it. I admit I am NOT a computer expert but I can't find anything in my mail controls that indicates that any of my mail is being blocked, so am wondering what's going on that I'm not receiving a copy every day. Am hoping you can figure it out better than I've been able to! Evie Dear Evi That seems to be normal with ao'ell. You would be surprised to find out how many letters like yours I get every day. Apparentlty they got no sense of humor down there, and the sniveling ninnies like to steal subscriptions. Got to make room for spam, ya know. Have you tried putting humor@webby.com into your white-list? Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Deeli's Kudos August 10, 2007 - Trenton, New Jersey - AP Divorce lawyers say electronic toll collection systems are proving to be a valuable tool in exposing cheating spouses. An Associated Press survey found that highway agencies in seven states will release E-ZPass toll records in response to court orders in both criminal and civil cases, including divorces. New York divorce lawyer Jacalyn Barnet called E-ZPass "an easy way to show you took the off-ramp to adultery." She said she's used the records on a number of occasions. Another divorce lawyer, Lynne Gold-Bikin, said she was able to prove her client's husband went to New Jersey on a night he claimed to have been attending a business meeting in Pennsylvania. http://www.wsbtv.com/family/13867607/detail.html

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Around Your Home's Foundation Check the grading around your house to make sure the ground is sloping away from your house and no plants or dirt is in contact with your siding. Inspect and patch any cracks in your foundation. Remove mildew with a solution of 1 part chlorine bleach to 3 parts water. Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Swampy Marsh, the young Australian father-to-be, is waiting anxiously outside the maternity ward where his wife is having their first baby. He is pacing the floor when the nurse comes out and says, "You have a little boy, Mr. Marsh, but you had better go out and have a cup of coffee, because there may be another one." Swampy turns a little pale and leaves. Some time later he phones the hospital and is told that he the father of twins, but the nurse cautions, "There is another on the way, so call back later." At that Swampy decides that coffee is not strong enough, so he goes to a bar and has some beer. When he phones the hospital again he is told that the third baby has arrived and a fourth is on the way. White-faced, he stumbles to the bar and orders a double scotch. Twenty minutes later, he tries to phone again, but he is so drunk that he dials the wrong number and gets the recorded cricket game score. When they pick him up off the floor the recording is still going strong: "The score is ninety-six all out," says the voice, "and the last one was a duck."
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she hasn't found one yet, so I'll throw in a dog story of my own. One time my summer neighbor, a chef from Switzerland, wanted to borrow one of my dogs to take along, because he heard that there were grizzlies near his favorite fishing spot. Adam was ideal for that. He was tall and had very visible reddish-brown and white markings. He was quite conscientious, but not as obnoxious about it as some of the other dogs. When Jacques brought Adam back, he was quite dissappointed. He said Adam took off as soon as he started fishing, and did not return until he packed up his stuff. I had to explain to him that for every grizzly HE sees, there are a hundred that see him. Adam was just busy spiralling out from his fishing spot ad slowly herding the bears away. They are basically peaceful and especially on hot summer days, rather saunter away than get into any strenuous fight. And since he had not seen a single grizzly all day, obviously Adam had been doing a good job, even though he was not underfoot waiting to be petted, like some of the dogs would have been. They became good friends that season and from that day on, Jaques always asked for Adam. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
Customer: "You've got to fix my computer. I urgently need to print a document, but the computer won't boot properly." DearWebby: "What does it say?" Customer: "Something about an error and non-system disk." DearWebby: "Look at your machine. Is there a floppy inside?" Customer: "No, but there's a sticker saying there's an intel inside. How do I get that one out? "

Thanks to Jai for today's Bonus Link: Polar bear and sled dogs
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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Dear Webby: Connection failing 

Good Morning,   !
Sunday,  Sept 2, 2007

Communism doesn't work because people like to own stuff. --- Frank Zappa Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower
A friend was lecturing in Latin America. He was going to use a translator, but to identify with his audience, he wanted to begin his talk by saying in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." He arrived at the auditorium a little early and realized he did not know the Spanish words for "ladies and gentlemen." Being rather resourceful, he went to the part of the building where the restrooms were, looked at the signs on the two doors, and memorized those two words. When the audience arrived and he was introduced, he stood up and said in Spanish, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." The audience was shocked. The people seemed stunned. He didn't know whether he had offended them or perhaps they hadn't heard him or understood him. So he decided to repeat it. Again in Spanish he said, "Good evening, ladies and gentlemen." One person in the audience began to snicker. Pretty soon the entire audience was laughing. Finally, someone told him that he had said, "Good evening, bathrooms and broom closets!"
It has been determined that having sex before participating in athletic activity, such as a marathon race, does not impair the athlete's abilities. In fact, men have known and displayed this for centuries. After sex, they glance at their watches and say, "Oops, gotta run!"

, if you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Six-year-old Angie and her four-year-old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church." "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel asked. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men standing by the door? They're hushers." Nina lived in Manhanttan. Nina's younger sister, Rosey, came in from college to spend a weekend with her sophisticated city-sister. Nina had even arranged a date for Rosey with one of her friends, George. After a lovely dinner and a show, George and Rosey went to George's apartment for a nightcap. They talked and listened to soft music for a while and then George suggested they retire to the bedroom. "Oh, no," Rosey protested. "I don't think my sister would like it." "Nonsense," said George, as he gently took her arm. "She loves it....."
Thanks to Deeli's Bonehead reports: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Howard Shelley, 42, Buckinghamshire, UK Trying for a Darwin Award? August 9, 2007 - Buckinghamshire, UK - Ananova Building boss Howard Shelley carried out the ultimate DIY conversion by castrating himself. The 42-year-old dad of two decided on the drastic move after being told he would have to wait at least two years for a sex change on the NHS, reports The Sun. He found a website which gave a step-by-step guide to the eye-watering home surgery, then waited till wife Janet went out before setting to work with a kitchen knife in the loo. With the job done, he wrapped his severed appendages in a cloth and dropped them in the bin. Then he drove five miles to his local GP, explained what he'd done, and was packed off for treatment at the Stoke Mandeville Hospital, near Aylesbury. Amazingly, three days later he was back at his desk. Howard, who wants to be known as Holli, said: "It was very painful, but the moment I cut them off I felt all woman. "I'm the sort of guy who, when I make up my mind to do something, wants it done there and then. I didn't want to be a man any more so I decided to do it myself. "The worst bit was steeling myself for the first cut. The whole thing took six minutes. It was agony, but I knew I couldn't stop." He is saving up £5,000 for a full sex-change operation in Thailand. He said: "I want breasts and hips - then I can be a real woman." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2454871.html?menu=

Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
The owner of a business was confused about paying a bill, so he asked his secretary for some mathematical help... "If I were to give you $200, minus 14%, how much would you take off?" he asked her. The secretary replied, "Everything but my earrings!"
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From the Tech Support Pits: From: Susan Re: Get knocked off-line and modem makes weird noise Good Morning, We have been having a lot of trouble of falling off line once we are connected to Inet. We have a new provider so apparantly that was not the problem. When trying to connect, I sometimes notice strange noise...I have to shut down and restart. If the strange noise has stopped, it will then connect. We still may get dropped and have to reconnect. I think this is a modem problem. Do you think the modem needs to be replaced? It has been replaced once. Does heat have anything to do with this? (we have dial up) Read your humor letter and vote every time I am online. I do not trust just anyone's 'tech help' but I have never gone wrong with yours. Thank you for any help you can give me this time. Susan Dear Susan that would be either the modem re-dialing after your connection had broken, or some malicious program knocking you off and then dialing a long distance number. Is the sound similar to when you are normally connecting? if it sounds like a normal connecting, then reboot to get a clean slate, then click on START, RUN, then type cmd and hit Enter. You will get a black and white DOS screen. In there type tracert hotmail.com Click on EDIT, MARK, COPY, then paste that into a text file or email. Just save that. Then, next time you get knocked off and the modem dials you up with a weird noise, do that again. If it shows a different trace route, then you know some malicious program is connecting you to some expensive long distance. If it shows the same route as right after rebooting, then you can relax. Then it's just something interrupting your connection. That could be anything. When I was in the Yukon, my security system did a self-test at 01:00 and called in an "OK" to the monitoring station. That of course knocked me off-line. In Okotoks it was the gas meter, that phoned in the day's results at 02:00. Same thing. I got knocked off the net. If it happens more than once a day, ask the phone company to check the line and find out what interrupts the connection. Have FUN! DearWebby
Save up to 70% on printer inkjet cartridges 100% Guarantee & Free shipping Discount ink cartridges, refill kits & laser toners. Recycle your empty cartridges - Save or make money! http://www.Ask4Ink.com
Deeli's Kudos August 13, 2007 - Woolton, Liverpool, UK - Ananova A baby was born in Liverpool at 8.08am on the eighth day of the eighth month weighing 8lbs after her mum endured eight hours of labour. Mel Byrne, 31, gave birth to Lulu with help from Chinese-born midwife Bea Fung, who helped deliver eight babies that day, reports the Daily Mirror. Mrs Fung said: "In Chinese culture the number eight is considered very lucky. I was watching the clock as the birth approached and was counting the minutes and she arrived at just the right time. "Straight away I told Mel and Pete their daughter was very lucky indeed." Mrs Fung, who has been at Liverpool Women's Hospital for 33 years, added: "The number of eights linked to Lulu is incredible. I consider myself very lucky to have been there." The couple, from Woolton, Liverpool, already have a two-year- old daughter, Maisy. Photographer Peter, 30, said: "Bea was very excited and kept telling us how lucky we were and how lucky Lulu is. "I think I will be letting Lulu choose the lottery numbers as soon as she is old enough." http://www.ananova.com/news/story/sm_2460690.html?menu=

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 9empress@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing An Extra Roll of Toilet Paper If you do not have cabinet bathroom storage space, or it just is not close enough to the toilet, store toilet paper spare roll this way. Cut the bottom out of a tall square tissue box and slip it over the top of the roll. It's both pretty and handy, sitting on the toilet top. By Linda Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended ! You can even submit tips and win prizes in weekly Contests ! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" Doc asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," Doc said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime!"
Stormy had to suddenly fly up North to Beaverlodge because of news that her father is dying. She will send in her columns again as soon as she finds a Cybercafe up there. Seems that she hasn't found one yet, so I'll throw in a dog story of my own. Dora was a wheel dog. That's the title given to the last dog in the team. The wheel dog needs weight, raw power, and a fanatic obsession to stay on the trail. Without a strong wheel dog the team tends to straighten out on a winding trail and the last one or two dogs get drug through the deep snow beside the trail. If the trail is winding, there is usually a reason for that, for example rocks or stumps. If the team straightens, the sled will hit those hidden obstacles, often with disastrous results. Dora had that talent and strength. For example, one time winter I had clipped her chain to a 100 Gallon propane "pig" while I was cleaning up around her tree. While I was putting the rake and the shovel away, she pulled the propane pig over on it's side and drug it to her spot. It was still full and not hooked up yet, so it was not a big deal, but I made her tow it back all by herself too. Dora was very possessive and a great guard dog for my truck and the tool boxes in the back. One hot September day it was her turn to come along to a job site. As usual, on hot days, she jumped off the truck and laid down in the shade under it. Towards evening, as the sun shone under the truck, she moved over under the next truck and continued her snooze there. Then another worker came running up to me, quite upset and claiming that my dog had just about killed him and would not let him near his truck. I realized what had happened and went out there and yelled: "Dora, UP!" As usual, she zipped out from under the truck and jumped. In mid air she realized that there was no welder and toolbox on the truck, but a mess of pipes. Dora tried her best to turn around in mid-air, but just managed to crash sideways into all those pipes and causing quite a clatter and racket. She stood up, gave the pipes a disgusted look, and then gave me a dirty look, for having switched the trucks on her, while she was napping. Then she finally jumped from the wrong truck onto mine, went to her traveling spot between the welder and the cab, turned around a couple of times, and flopped down to resume her nap. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
"What happened?" asked the hospital visitor to the heavily bandaged man sitting up in bed. "Well, I went down to Busch Gardens on vacation and decided to take a ride on the Loch Ness Monster... As we came up to the top of the highest loop, I noticed a little sign by the side of the track. I tried to read it but it was very small and I couldn't make it out. I was so curious that I decided to go round again, but we went by so quickly that I couldn't see what the sign said. By now, I was determined to read that sign so I went round a third time. As we reached the top, I stood up in the car to get a better view." "And did you manage to see what the sign said this time?" asked the visitor. "Yes," he said sheepishly, "Remain seated at all times....!"

Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Birds of Honduras
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If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. have FUN ! Dear Webby





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