Dear Webby: BackUp Service 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 31, 2008
Happy Halloween!

Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Experience is that marvelous thing that enables you to recognize a mistake when you make it again. --- Franklin P. Jones There art two cardinal sins from which all others spring: Impatience and Laziness. --- Franz Kafka
Here is an old classic: Trick or Treating By Astrological Sign Aries pushes the others aside to get to the door first. Taurus will only eat the finest of Swiss chocolates. Gemini goes around the neighborhood once, changes costumes and goes around again. Cancer stays at home and gives candy to the other trick-or-treaters. Leo plans their costume for months, then won't go out because someone else had the same idea. Virgo wears a neatly-pressed suit and tells everyone they're a bookkeeper. Libra is still standing in front of the closet trying to decide on a costume. Scorpio isn't in it for the candy. Sagittarius will manage to wander to the next town. Capricorn makes a list of all the houses that give good candy and the optimal route to take. Aquarius builds their costume out of spare flashlights and spends all night tinkering when it shorts. Pisces skips the whole thing to compose poetry to the Moon.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A friend and his wife were considering traveling to Alaska for a trip the husband had long dreamed of taking. He kept talking about how great it would be to stay in a log cabin without electricity, to hunt moose and drive a dog team instead of a car. "If I decided to live there permanently, away from civilization, what would you miss the most?" he asked his wife. She replied, "You."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tony Van, 37, in San Francisco Sent in by Cookie Calif. man drives stolen SUV to court October 29, 2008 Tony Van, a 37-year-old hairstylist from San Francisco, was out on bail Friday afternoon as jurors weighed his fate in San Rafael. He had been charged with possessing a San Anselmo resident's cherry-red, 2008 Porsche Carrera worth $125,000. In the courthouse parking lot at the Marin County Civic Center, prosecutors said, a parallel drama unfolded when 7 puppies in a 2005 Lexus SUV apparently grew tired of baking in the sun and escaped out a window. Police were attracted to the SUV after bystanders noticed several pups mulling around it. After county employees scooped up the Yorkshire Terrier-Maltese hybrids, sheriff's deputies ran the license plate and found that the Lexus had been stolen in San Francisco. The man was also charged with animal cruelty and leaving animals in an unattended vehicle. The escaped dogs, and a few newborns still in the SUV, were OK and were taken to a Humane Society shelter. It's unclear whose dogs they are, but they do not belong to the SUV owner Van also had a laptop computer that had been swiped in a San Francisco auto burglary, Mievis said. Meanwhile, he was convicted in the other case. He was charged with possession of a $125,000 Porsche Carrera that had been stolen from a San Anselmo home, and his bail was raised from $10,000 to $250,000.
From Anna I asked God for water, He gave me an ocean. I asked God for a flower, He gave me a garden. I asked God for a friend, He gave me YOU All! Who says God doesn't have a sense of humour???
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erno Re: Back-Up Service Dear Webby We have about 6 GB that I want backed up once a month. A consultant told us that they could do it for $500 a year, but we would need a high speed Internet connection. Out here that is currently not an option. What do you recommend? Erno Dear Erno Get yourself a couple of cheap 80 GB hard drives, like for about $50 - $60 each, and a shirt pocket USB hard drive enclosure for about $10 and a rubber band. You can take the tiny screws out of the drive enclosure, and just use the rubber band to hold it together. Then you stick one of the drives into the enclosure, plug it into a USB port, and your computer will see it as another hard drive. Make 12 folders on it, and name them after the months of the year. Now you simply drag the stuff that is to be backed up into the folder of the current month. You can even write a DOS bat to do that, and make a cute icon for it. Then your grand-daughter can do the back-ups for you. Next morning you stick that drive into your shirt pocket, drop it off at your safety deposit box and pick up the other one for a mid-month back-up. Any alternate safe place, like a locked small ammo box behind the dog house, will work just as well. If the box is 3" x 4" x 1/2 inch thick, it's big enough. A kayaker's stainless steel shirt pocket cigarette case will work fine too. You will wind up with twelve month-end back-ups on one drive and twelve mid-month back-ups on the other. Have FUN! DearWebby

On their honeymoon the new husband told his bride, "I have a confession that should have made before, but I was concerned that it might affect our relationship." "What is it?" she asked. "I'm a golfer," he said. "What's the big deal about that?" she asked. He replied, "When I say I'm a golfer, I mean that I'll be on the course Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday afternoon, and any holidays. If it comes to a choice between your wishes and golf -- golf wins." She pondered a moment and said, "I thank you for your honesty. In the same spirit of honesty, I should tell you that I've concealed something about my own past that you should know about. I'm a hooker." "No problem," was his response, "just widen your stance a little and overlap your grip and that should clear right up."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Safety Keep visibility in mind when buying or making costumes. Bright fabrics are best. Decorate costumes with reflective tape (available in hardware, bicycle, and sporting goods stores) that will glow in the beam of a car's headlights. Bags or sacks should also be light colored or decorated with reflective tape. Halloween Safety Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf315374.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Improving Your Memory
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Windows 7 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 30, 2008

Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Play: Work that you enjoy doing for nothing. --- Evan Esar, Basic research is what I am doing when I don't know what I am doing. --- Wernher von Braun
Dentist to Patient: "Would you help me out? I'd like you to give a few of your loudest screams?" Patient: "Why, Doc? I didn't feel a thing!" Dentist: "I know, but there are so many people in the waiting room right now, and I don't want to miss the six o'clock hockey game."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Niko National Park, Japan Sweep from West to North at 6:47 PM Short wmv movie of a quick sweep rom West to North out my office window.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to parents of a 7 year old crook in Georgsmarienhuette, Germany Tiny Crook's crimewave A seven-year-old went on a mini crimewave in a shopping centre in Germany - using a go-kart as his getaway car. First the boy pinched a playmate's dad's 500cc motorised kart and raced round to the local mall in Georgsmarienhuette, north west Germany. Then he went on a three hour shoplifting spree loading a trailer with toys before one victim called the police. "It's amazing he got away with for so long. Maybe he was so small he slipped under the CCTV," said one shopper.
A man was on trial for selling drugs, and a neighbor was called as a witness. The defense attorney asked, "Did you ever get any cocaine or other drugs from the defendant?" "No sir." answered the man. "Did you ever get any from his wife?" "No sir." "Did you ever get any from his daughters?" "Uh... excuse me sir," the witness said, "but we're still talking about drugs here, right?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sandy Re: Windows 7 Dear Webby I heard that Microsoft showed a Beta of Windows 7. What's the story? Did they see the light, or is it just more dumpster- ware? What's the direction for Commerce and Industry? Sandy Dear Sandy As usual, they missed the point and painted themselves further into the corner. The main problem seems to be nerdification. They read the reviews written by overpaid magazine staff nerds, who have never paid for their own machine, and who have never used an average computer for average work, but who are harangued and hyped by the magazine's advertising department. The majority does not pay attention to the magazine's staff nerds, who are totally out of touch with reality. The majority is not interested in $5000 quads with 4 noisy fans. They just want a quiet $500 computer that is good enough for doing the daily work. Windows 7 goes in the opposite direction. It's Vista with new and improved and additional hi-tech duck tape, and it needs a 64 bit CPU and software to help it wheeze out of the garage. For Commerce and Industry there is no change from what I recommended in spring: Stick with XP-SP2, continue migrating to Open Office, and specify new machines with Linux pre-installed. For WORK, there is no need for Vista or Windows7. Once your staff has upgraded to Open Office, about the only thing they will notice of the switch to Linux, is much faster boot-up, no more stalls and crashes, and a lot less waiting. Because Dell and others in their league are reluctant to pass on the savings of Linux machines, Vista and Windows 7 will be a big boost for local clone builders, if they can bundle the same neighborly support for Linux, as we did for DOS in the 80's and Windows 3 in the early 90's. Wouldn't YOU rather have a fast and reliable Linux machine with friendly local support, than slow dumpster-ware with Microsoft style Taliban support? For me, the choice is quite clear. Have FUN! DearWebby

When the Jones family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked the little five-year-old how he liked the new place. "It's great!" he said. "I have my own room, Mike has his own room, and Jamie has her own room. But poor mom still has to sleep with dad."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com X-Ray Machine Costume Paint the rib cage of a skeleton on a black t-shirt. Cut out the bottom of a cardboard box and three holes for your arms and head. Then cut a square hole in the front so the bones can be seen. Paint the box to look like an x-ray machine. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Halloween Ideas http://www.thriftyfun.com/Halloween_540.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Texan: "Where are you from?" Harvard graduate: "I come from a place where we do not end our sentences with prepositions." Texan: "OK, where are you from, Jackass?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Nature on a rampage
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Adjust Windows slide show settings 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 29, 2008

Don't part with your illusions. When they are gone you may still exist, but you have ceased to live. --- Mark Twain If you make people think they're thinking, they'll love you; But if you really make them think, they'll hate you. --- Don Marquis
The young man was contrite as he confessed to his steady girl that he was seeing a therapist. "That's nothing." she replied. "I'm seeing a therapist, two engineers, a plumber and a doctor."
081028-18:23pm WEST 081028-18:47pm WEST 081028-18:47pm NORTH Sweep from West to North at 6:47 PM Short wmv movie of a quick sweep rom West to North, showing the transition between the last two of the above pictures.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Bryan Perez, 22, Washington, DC Brothel Robber Leaves His Thumb Behind WASHINGTON | Police say a man suspected in an armed robbery at an alleged brothel in Washington's Columbia Heights neighborhood left some evidence at the scene: his thumb. Police say 22-year-old Bryan Perez and an accomplice made off with hundreds of dollars in cash in the Oct. 11 raid. According to charging documents, one of the victims took control of Perez's silver machete and hacked off his right thumb. About two hours after the robbery, a nine-fingered Perez went to an emergency room. Police caught up with him and brought the severed thumb to the hospital. According to an arrest affidavit, a doctor told police the thumb "fits like a puzzle piece." Perez was transferred to a Baltimore hospital to have it reattached. On Tuesday, a judge ordered the Hyattsville, Md., man held without bond. http://www.theledger.com/article/200810 ... /810230283
Thanks to Mike for this: I tried this with my wife and it backfired... I guess it's only true with men... Getting rid of a man without hurting his masculinity is a problem. "Get out" and "I never want to see you again" might sound like a challenge. If you want to get rid of a man, I suggest saying, "I love you... I want to marry you... I want to communicate with you... I want to have your children." Sometimes they leave skid marks.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Captn Chaos Re: Slide show screen saver settings Dear Webby Good morning Webby and trust it is not too cold in Alberta yet. On slide show mode, is there any way to slow down or speed up the advancement of pictures like for screensaver pictures? The pictures advance about every 4-5 seconds and I would like to make them in view longer. I have looked everywhere, I think, for settings on this to no avail and I am sure that if there is a spot to change that setting, you will have the answer. Thanks and best regards from Ontario Captn Chaos Dear Captn Chaos You need TweakUI XP Power Toys for that: Tweak UI Have FUN! DearWebby

Father teaching his daughter to drive: "Stop on red, go on green, and slow down when I turn purple."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pillow Case for Trick or Treat Bag A white pillow case (or any old one will do) works really well for trick or treating. It holds lots of candy, won't tear and can be seen by motorists when most costumes are dark. They can be decorated to look more festive. For shorter children, they could be cut down shorter or folded inward to half the size. - Candy Trick or Treating Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf11704556.tip.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young woman visiting her new doctor for the first time found herself alone in a small waiting room. She began undressing nervously, preparing herself for the upcoming examination. Just as she draped the last of her garments over the back of a chair, a light rap sounded on the door and the doctor walked in. Coming to an abrupt halt, he looked his patient up and down carefully. "Miss Jones," he said, "it seems quite obvious that until today you have never had an eye exam."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Truly Moving Movies
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Choosing a spreadsheet 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 28, 2008

Few things are harder to put up with than the annoyance of a good example. --- Mark Twain When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said. --- Socratex
Thanks to Linda for this one: One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "University of Auburn." And they say blondes are dumb!!!
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Radium Hot Springs, BC, Canada
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a couple in Italy Sent in by Deeli No wacky naming in Italy ROME (UPI) -- A court in Italy ruled Wednesday that a couple cannot name their son Venerdi, which means Friday. Italy's supreme court, the Cassation Court, said the name Friday, which is taken from the famous Robinson Crusoe character, was ''ridiculous, susceptible to irony and mockery and liable to cause serious harm to the person who bears it,'' ANSA reported. The high court said the Robinson Crusoe character is one characterized by "subservience and inferiority, who would never reach the condition of a civilized man,'' the Italian news service reported. The judges ordered the couple to call the child Gregorio, after the saint's day he was born on. The head of the Italian Association of Matrimonial Lawyers said Italian law mandates name changes ''when the child's name is likely to limit social interaction and create insecurity.'' ---------------- Italian law requires that if the kid has an Italian last name, then it deserves a decent Italian first name, but every year some boneheads try to sneak around that.
The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Tyson," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "I don't want to hear that language in here again." After a moment, she thought she whispered aloud, "At least he doesn't know what it means." "I do, too," Tyson corrected. "It means the car won't start."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Deryck Re: Spreadsheets Dear Webby I have been told that I need to get a spreadsheet and get good at using it. Which one do you recommend? Deryck Dear Deryck That depends entirely what you want to do with it. If you need to enter data from hotels and cyber cafes while away from your office or home computer, use the Google on-line spreadsheets http://spreadsheets.google.com/ It seems a bit awkward, if you are used to fast desktop spreadsheets, but with a bit of practise, you can cook up quite snazzy presentations with it. And they are on-line, ready for you when you get to the next computer. There are more on-line spreadsheets listed at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_on ... readsheets , but it is doubtful that all of those will be as permanet as Google's spreadsheets. If you are always at the same computer, for basic accounting the Open Office CALC is fine, and free. Excel ($229) works as well, but is not free. If you are doing scientific work or enterprise accounting, then get Quattro Pro. It is part of the Corel Office suite. Unfortunately Corel is trying to kill off their office suite with totally ridiculus pricing ($319). However, you can get older versions on eBay for $15 - $50. Look for Word Perfect Office Suite. There are no changes worth mentioning between an 8 year old Quattro Pro and the newest one, and once you got it, it's yours forever. Absolutely no problem transferring it to a new computer, if you have the CD. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sometimes... when you cry, no one sees your tears. Sometimes... when you are in pain, no one sees your hurt. Sometimes... when you are worried, no one sees your stress. Sometimes... when you are happy, no one sees your smile. But fart just ONE TIME...!

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Other Than Candy Treats A trip to the Dollar Store or office supply store can be good for treats that are not candy. Consider giving combs, pencils, erasers, colored pens or pencils, pony tail holders, coloring books instead of candy. Giving the money out ins coins instead of spending it on candy can also be done. Healthy Treats for Halloween http://www.thriftyfun.com/tf000280.tip.html Speaking of Dollar Stores: Do NOT buy Chinese made foil wrapped chocolate coins at dollar stores or Costco. They are supposed to be recalled because of Melamine in them, but some stores may still have them on the shelves. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thanks to Bill for this story: A voice on the office loudspeaker announced: "We will be testing the speaker system to make sure it will work pro- perly in case of emergency." My confidence in this safety precaution faded when the voice added: "If you are unable to hear this announcement, please contact us."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Best Pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Pages too large 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 27, 2008

A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
Martha and Edna, two widows, are talking Martha: "That nice George Johnson asked me out for a date. I know you went out with him last week, and I wanted to talk with you about him before I give him my answer." Edna: "Well...I'll tell you. He shows up at my apartment punctually at 7 PM. And dressed like such a gentleman in a fine suit. And he brings me such beautiful flowers! Then he takes me downstairs, and what's there but a beautiful car...a limousine, uniformed chauffeur and all. Then he takes me out for dinner. A marvelous dinner - lobster, steak...then we go see a show let me tell you, Martha, I enjoyed it so much I could have just died from pleasure! So then we are coming back to my apartment and he turns into an ANIMAL!! Completely crazy, he tears off my expensive new dress and has his way with me two times!" Martha: "Goodness gracious! So you are telling me I shouldn't go out with him?" Edna: "No...I'm just saying, wear an old dress."
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: This one bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 43 year old woman in Miyazaki, Japan Woman arrested for killing virtual husband A Japanese woman has been arrested after she allegedly killed her virtual husband in an online game. The 43 year old was apparently furious at finding herself suddenly divorced in the game Maplestory, reports the BBC. Police say she illegally accessed login details of the man playing her virtual husband, and killed off his character. The woman, a piano teacher, is in jail in Sapporo waiting to learn if she faces charges of illegally accessing a computer and manipulating data. She was taken to Sapporo - where her "husband", a 33-year-old office worker lives - from her home in Miyazaki 620 miles away. If charged with the offences, and convicted, she faces up to five years in prison and a fine of up to $5,000. A Sapporo police official said the woman had used the man's ID and password to log into the game last May to carry out the virtual murder. "I was suddenly divorced, without a word of warning. That made me so angry," she was quoted by the official as telling investigators. http://snipurl.com/4qh9h
My sister-in-law Bonnie was very busy one day working in her house. She had just gotten to the basement after quite a few trips up and down, when she heard the telephone ring upstairs. Tiredly, she ran back up the stairs only to hear a solicitor on the other end... "Hello, is this Bonnie D? We are calling people in your area and would like to know if you would help us by participating in a brief survey." Without missing a beat, she told them: "I am BUSY, survey your own briefs!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Moo Moo Re: Pages too big Dear Webby, Hi, it is not the text that is too big, it is the pages that are so big on my screen that I can't read all there is to the left or right even using the scroll bar. Thanks Moo Moo Dear Moo Moo right click on the desktop, Properties Settings And change the resolution to the highest number available in there. If the text becomes too tiny, choose the second highest setting. Let me know how that works out. Have FUN! DearWebby

The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution: "I should warn you. . .you may not want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I speak from personal experience," the expert explained. "For years, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast. She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. "So finally one day I made a suggestion: 'Hon,' I said, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back persisted, "And didn't that save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Quick Halloween Decorations for a Party Drape white sheets over all the furniture and windows. It looks like a haunted house and a much more realistic and fun decoration than store-bought paper decorations. Add candles in old fashioned holders on top of covered tables, and a few hidden flashlights to provide creepy uplighting. Halloween Decorations http://www.thriftyfun.com/Halloween_Dec ... 0_550.html If you use candles, then you better have a few fire extinguishers handy. Dry powder extinguishers are cheap, but make an awful mess. CO2 extinguishers cost a bit more initially, but the CO2 snow that they throw evaporates without leaving any trace. If you can't afford a fire extinguisher but feel you need burning candles at a rambunctious Halloween party, have a few buckets of wet sand ready. Instead of using your good sheets, you can get really cheap "Painter's Drop Sheets". Unlike the clear and slippery cover sheets, painter's drop sheets are available in very thin canvas, that is safe to walk on. For safe but spooky lighting, try old strings of Christmas lights with some of the bulbs burned out or taken out. Especially the blinking outdoors types can look quite spooky if you have a tangle of them behind a sheet. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A minister was preoccupied with thoughts of how he was going to ask the congregation to come up with more money than they were expecting for repairs to the church building. Therefore, he was annoyed to find that the regular organist was sick and a substitute had been brought in at the last minute. The substitute wanted to know what to play. "Here's a copy of the service," he said impatiently. "But you'll have to think of something to play after I make the announcement about the finances." During the service, the minister paused and said, "Brothers and Sisters, we are in great difficulty; the roof repairs cost twice as much as we expected, and we need $4,000 more. Any of you who can pledge $100 or more, please stand up." At that moment, the substitute organist played, "The Star Spangled Banner." And THAT is how the substitute organist became the regular organist.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Beautful Sunsets
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Set size of IE windows 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 26, 2008

Computers are useless. They can only give you answers. --- Pablo Picasso If it has neither rhyme, nor rythm, nor a clear message, then it must be modern poetry or a campaign slogan. --- Socratex
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A young couple moves into a new neighborhood. The next morning while they are eating breakfast, the young woman sees her neighbor hanging the wash outside. "That laundry is not very clean", she said. "She doesn't know how to wash correctly. Perhaps she needs better laundry soap" Her husband looked on, but remained silent. Everytime her neighbor would hang her wash to dry, the young woman would make the same comments. About one month later, the woman was surprised to see a nice clean wash on the line and said to her husband: "Look, she has learned how to wash correctly. I wonder who taught her this?" The husband said, "I got up early this morning and cleaned our windows." And so it is with life. What we see when watching others depends on the purity of the window through which we look. Scroll down at this link and watch the pumpkins! Geeky Pumpkin Faces Sandie
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sent in by Eric Swedish woman married to Berlin Wall A Swedish woman with a fetish for inanimate objects has revealed she's been married to the Berlin Wall for 29 years. Eija-Riitta Berliner-Mauer, 54, whose surname means Berlin Wall in German, wed the concrete structure in 1979, reports the Daily Telegraph. Mrs Berliner-Mauer claimed she fell in love with the wall when she first saw it on TV as a child.She began collecting "his" pictures and saving up for visits. On her sixth trip in 1979 they tied the knot before a handful of guests. While she remains a virgin with humans, she insists she had a full, loving relationship with the wall. Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who lives in Liden, northern Sweden, said: "I find long, slim things with horizontal lines very sexy. "The Great Wall of China's attractive, but he's too thick - my husband is sexier." While the rest of mankind rejoiced when the Berlin Wall was largely torn down in 1989, its "wife" was horrified. She's never been back and now has only models to remind her of "his" former glory. Mrs Berliner-Mauer, who has shifted her affections to a nearby garden fence, said: "What they did was awful. They mutilated my husband." http://www.orange.co.uk/news/quirkies/d ... Id=2870071
Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food and fire area. It was exhausting work and the guys were getting tired just watching. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders and they had a great idea. They could sit on top of the boulders and get a better view of their wives working. That was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to television and later to the remote control
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mike Re: IE in full size Dear Webby, Tech help again Don't know what happen but now when I open another page on internet explorer but it comes up half page now. If I remember you had a fix for this. It was coming up full page and now like I said it's half page or smaller. If you can help let me know. Everything I have tried doesn't work Mike Dayton NV Dear Mike The default behavior for Internet Explorer is to open at the same size it was at the last time it was closed. While the default does apply in many cases, it's not always consistent. Try the following workaround: Open a single Internet Explorer window to the smaller size. Drag the corners of the window until it nearly fills the screen. Do not use the maximize button to enlarge the window. Hold down the Ctrl key, and while holding it down use the mouse to click File and then Exit on the toolbar. NOTE: Do not use the "X" in the upper right corner to close the window. Internet Explorer should now open in a full window. If it still opens to a smaller size repeat the above but this time us the "Shift" key instead of the "Ctrl" key. NOTE: This is NOT a permanent fix. Internet Explorer will mess up this setting in a month or less. Print out these instructions and put them into the "Cheat Sheets" ziplock bag taped to the side of the computer. Have FUN! DearWebby

Moisha Rabinowitz in the late 1930s fled his native land of Germany. He sold all his assets and converted it to gold and then had 5 sets of solid gold false teeth made. When he arrived in New York the customs official was perplexed as to why anybody would have 5 sets of gold teeth. So Moisha explained. "We Orthodox Jews have two separate sets of dishes for meat products and dairy products but I am so kosher and religious I also have separate sets of teeth." The customs official shook his head and said, "Well that accounts for two sets of teeth. What about the other three?" Moisha then said "Vell us very religious Orthodox Jews use separate dishes for Passover, but I am so religious I have separate teeth, one for meat and one for dairy food. The customs official slapped his head and then said, "You must be a very religious man with separate teeth for food and dairy products and likewise for Passover. That accounts for four sets of teeth. What about the fifth set?" "Vell to tell you the truth, once in a while I like a ham sandwich."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sheers and Sweats for Ghost Costumes Sheer curtains over white or grey sweats make an ethereal and safe (see through) ghost costume. They're very inexpensive and much lighter than a sheet and no makeup is needed, although one could use a little clown white. - Doris Halloween Costumes http://www.thriftyfun.com/Halloween_Cos ... 0_544.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The following small quiz consists of 4 questions, it tells whether you are qualified to be a professional. According to statistics of Andersen Worldwide, around 90% of the professionals failed the exam. Questions: 1. How do you put a giraffe into a refrigerator? 2. How do you put an elephant into a refrigerator? 3. The Lion King is hosting an animal conference, all the animals attend except one. Which animal does not attend? OK, if you did not answer the last three questions correctly, this one may be your last chance to testify your qualifications to be a professional. 4. There is a river, which is infested by crocodiles. How do you manage to cross it? Answers: 1. The correct answer is open the refrigerator, put in the giraffe and close the door. This question tests whether you are doing simple things in a complicated way. 2. Wrong Answer: Open the refrigerator, put in the elephant and close the refrigerator. Correct Answer: Open the refrigerator, take out of the giraffe, put in the elephant and close the door. This tests your prudence. 3. Correct Answer: The Elephant!...It's still in the refrigerator! This tests whether you have comprehensive thinking. 4. Correct Answer: Simply swim through it. All the crocodiles are attending the Animal Meeting! I hope you got this one correct at least.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Pumpkin Carver
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Gullible Warming was a hoax 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 25, 2008

The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin Any fool can make a rule, and any fool will mind it. --- Henry David Thoreau
Thanks to Sandie for this story: My husband, Mike, and I had several stressful months of financial difficulties. So, one evening, I was touched to see him gazing at the diamond wedding ring that symbolized our marriage. "With this ring..." I began romantically. "We could pay off half of your Visa," he responded.
A woman had gained a few pounds. It was most noticeable to her when she squeezed into a pair of her old blue jeans. Wondering if the added weight was noticeable to everyone else, she asked her husband, "Honey, do these jeans make me look like the side of the house?" "No, dear, not at all," he replied. "Our house isn't blue," he quipped as he ducked out the door.
Gullible Warming was a hoax! Please turn the thermostat up again!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Jones from Suffolk, England Sent in by Eric Ebay dealer threatens to sue over feedback Internet user Chris Read is being threatened with legal action - for posting a website criticism over a £155 mobile phone he bought on eBay. The dad of five, 42, left negative feedback on the auction site after being sent a Samsung F700V from Suffolk-based businessman Joel Jones earlier this month when he ordered an F700. After returning it and waiting more than a week for a refund, he logged a comment saying: "Item was scratched, chipped and not the model advertised." But he was stunned when he received an angry email demanding a retraction. And later was sent court papers from Mr Jones claiming libel damages. Mr Jones, 26, who sells used electronic goods under the username onsalexuk, claimed Chris's comments were damaging his reputation. He said: "We require a signed statement accepting that the feedback is unfair. Unless we receive the statement from you within seven days we will begin legal action." http://snipurl.com/4oplf http://snipurl.com/4opck
A n t i b o y o t i c s When administered to teenage girls, is highly effective in improving grades, freeing up phone lines, and reducing money spent on make-up.
From Donna: I downloaded Windows Media Player this morning and it works great! As always thanks for the expert advice. It is so nice of you to give us all this great advice in addition to providing such a great newsletter each day. I can't remember how I found your site, but this makes this second time that you have solved one of my problems and I am most appreciative. Donna From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jai Re: Paragraph symbod in WORD Dear Webby, PC Pitstop recommends installing the latest (958644) Microsoft security patch now. On October 22, 2008 - Microsoft released security patches for all versions of Windows. This "out-of-cycle" patch was released in Microsoft Security Bulletin MS08-067 . It's sudden release only serves to emphasize it's importance. The bulletin warns of a remote code execution attack that can spread rapidly across the internet. Evidence of this RPC attack was first found two weeks ago and infects machines without any user interaction. ******************************** This is from PC Pitstop that I use to check my pc with. Jai Dear Jai It's quite OK to install, as long as you do it in CUSTOM mode. NEVER allow Express mode, so that you can make sure they are not slithering dumpster-ware like SP3 into your machine. Have FUN! DearWebby

"The Jewish people have observed their 5758th year as a people." the teacher informed his class. "Consider that the Chinese have observed only their 4695th. What does this mean to you?" After a reflective pause, Little Johnny volunteered, "Well for one thing, the Jews had to do without Chinese food for 1063 years

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grapes Costume Get a purple sweat suit and attach a bunch of purple balloons to it so it looks like a bunch of grapes. Put on a purple beanie and purple face paint to finish off the costume. Visit ThriftyFun For More Halloween Ideas http://www.thriftyfun.com/Halloween_540.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A salesman was trying to talk a farmer into buying a bicycle, but was meeting with considerable sales resistance. "Shucks, I'd sooner spend my money on a cow," said the farmer. "Ah," replied the salesman, "but think how silly you'd look riding around on a cow." "Humph!" retorted the farmer. "Not near as silly as you'd look trying to milk a bicycle!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Museum of Unworkable Design
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Dear Webby: Real Player problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 24, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

They say that time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself. --- Andy Warhol
Thanks to Noella for this report: Suppose a new student enrolls at your school. Her name is Le - a. How would you pronounce the child's name??? Leah?? NO Lee - A?? NOPE! Lay - a?? NO! Lei?? Guess Again. It's pronounced 'Ledasha,' oh yes...you read it right. The dash is not silent. This child attends a school in Livingston Parish, LA. Her mother is irate because everyone is getting her name wrong. SO, if you see something come across your desk like this please remember to pronounce the dash. When asked about the pronunciation of the name, the mother replied, "the dash don't be silent." The mother, Latreena McQueesha, explained that "in Ebonics, 'Le - a' make more since, as when honkies calls her daughter Granola".
The cowboy was trying to buy an insurance policy. The insurance agent was going down the list of standard questions. "Ever have an accident?" "Nope, nary a one." "None? You've never had any accidents." "Nope. Ain't never had one. Never." "That's hard to believe. No accidents at all?" "Well, rattler bit me one time." "Wouldn't you consider that an accident?" "Heck no. Dang varmint bit me on purpose."
Thanks to my dad for this picture: This one bloomed today: Wilcoxia Felgeri The dead blossoms are from when it bloomed in spring.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Israel Gomez, 20, of hartford, Conn Sent in by Ann Fake Policeman Busted After Stopping Real One The Associated Press HARTFORD, Conn. | Police say a Connecticut man playing police officer picked the wrong person to pull over. Israel Gomez was arrested Tuesday after pulling over an off-duty Hartford police lieutenant. Police say 20-year-old Gomez turned on flashing lights and used a siren and loudspeaker to coax police Lt. Ronald Bair off the road. Bair called for backup, and officers arrested Gomez and 20-year-old Esteban Cardona. Gomez is charged with impersonating a police officer, reckless driving and improper use of red flashing lights. Cardona, who was driving another car involved in the bogus traffic stop, is charged with reckless driving. They were released on written promises to appear in court. http://www.theledger.com/article/200810 ... /810220279 _____________________ Gomez, of 586 Franklin Ave., was charged with impersonating a police officer, reckless driving and improper use of red flashing lights. Cardona, of 20 Victoria Road, was charged with reckless driving. Both men were released from custody. Let's hope they get at least ten times as much time as the grannie who refused to stop for real cops!
Modern Poetry: Roses are red. Violets are blue. Some poems rhyme, But this one doesn't.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: Paragraph symbod in WORD Dear Webby, Thanks so much for the great newsletter that brightens each of my days. I have XP and just this past week, I can no longer open any attachments on the emails I receive. I get the message "Real Player cannot play the file. The Player might not support the file type or a required codec might not be installed on your computer." Can I just go to one of the sites for Real Player and do a new download? Always appreciate your expertise. Donna Dear Donna Some of those download invitations are probably phony, but if you go to the genuine Real Player site, you should be safe. You can also get Windows Media Player and make that your default media player. That has worked fine for me for the last 10 years or so. Have FUN! DearWebby

"Nice threads, man," commented Donald when his buddy showed up one day in a snappy new suit. "Where'd you pick 'em up?" Richard beamed. "My old lady got them for me. Pretty sharp, huh?" "I'll say. What was the occasion?" "Got me," admitted Richard with a cheerful shrug. "I came home from work early the other day and there they were, hanging over the chair in the bedroom."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Energy When Using Your Oven Any time you open your oven the temperature drops 25 to 30 degrees (Fahrenheit). If you want to peek at the dish you are baking, use the window on the door and oven light instead. When you are done baking, leave the door open to allow the excess heat to warm your home. Visit ThriftyFun for more Green Living Tips by clicking here If your oven light is burned out, use a regular, small 40 Watt lightbulb, not the Chinese made spiral lights. Regular lightbulbs can handle the oven temparature quite nicely. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Coral Gables , Miami (IPP) - The National Hurricane Center (NHC) in Coral Gables, Florida announced this morning that Ebonic names will be given to hurricanes in 2009. They have decided to do this in the interest of maintaining a fair and balanced list of names issued to tropical cyclones. The list of names for 2009 is: Aquanita, Bactrin, Chetiqua, Duanita, Equandolyn, Floce, Genatren, Halibasha, Ignitia, Jartrovious, Kendrick, Kracheeta, Latreena, Machoda, Niqueesha, Oranjello, Pecola, Robitussin, Six-Pak-4-Sure, Tywana and Zneeta.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Earth Cams
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: paragraph sign in MS WORD 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 23, 2008

Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it. --- Jules Renard Every man serves a useful purpose: A miser, for example, makes a wonderful ancestor. --- Laurence J. Peter
A man said to his friend, "I'm so nearsighted I nearly worked myself to death." His friend said, "What does being nearsighted have to do with working yourself to death?" And the man said, "I couldn't tell whether the boss was watching me or not, so I had to work all the time."
The Boy Scouts were out collecting bottles for a fund raising activity. One ambitious young man knocked on a door and a sour-faced lady came to the door and asked: "What do you want, kid?" "D-d-do you have any beer bottles for the Boy Scouts, M-m-m-ma'am?" he asked. "Look here, young man, do I look like the kind of lady who would drink beer?" replied the lady. "S-s-sorry, Ma'am," was his reply. "W-w-what about vinegar bottles?"
Thanks to Deelie for this picture: Balcony Buddy
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the science teacher at Big Sandy, texas High School Sent in by Ramona Students Bitten by Venomous Snake in a Classroom By KENNETH DEAN Staff Writer BIG SANDY - Two Big Sandy High School science students are in a Tyler hospital recovering from bites from a venomous snake that was misidentified by their science teacher. Scott Beene, the Big Sandy Independent School District superintendent, said the incident happened Monday as the two students were handling what they thought was a rat snake in a science lab where other snakes were also housed. Beene said the biology teacher was leading the class in another experiment, but the students’ curiosity got the best of them and they wanted to look at a snake that had just been brought in to the class Monday morning. Beene said the two students were handling one snake when it began fighting with another and that is when they were both bitten. One boy was bitten several times before the other student helped him and was also bitten. Beene would not say which hospital or the exact condition of the students, citing they are both minors. However, he did say he believed both would remain hospitalized for several more days. “This is something we have never had happened and we are praying for a full recovery for both students,” he said. Beene said students routinely brought in other animals such as turtles to be classified and the snake, that turned out to be a cotton mouth, was brought into the class earlier in the year. “I do not know how long that snake had been in the science lab, but the teacher evidently misidentified it as a non-venomous snake,” he said. _____________________ Not all cottonmouth snakes as as colorful as this slightly overfed Zoo specimen. Usually they are more gray / charcoal colored, but the identifying mark of the cottonmouth is the 2 tone dark mustache line. Here is how they usually look in the wild: A cottonmouth is usually aggressive and won't scamper away like a rattler, when you stomp your foot. Because the cottonmouth is the most dangerous snake in Texas, it is featured on many tourist brochures. That bonehead teacher should be ordered to buy Tennant's "Field Guide to Texas Snakes" not just for himself, but for all of his students!
Thanks to Sandie for this: A large truck was tailing my son as he drove through town with his girlfriend. The truck matched them turn for turn, down every street. My son's concern grew to alarm when the menacing-looking driver pulled next to him at a light, leaned out his window and glared into his car. After a long, hard stare, the man grinned and called to my son, "Sorry, kid! I thought that was my daughter."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re: Paragraph symbod in WORD Dear Webby, Help!!! I was preparing my Lions Club Newsletter and something happened to the text (It also shows on ALL my texts) the Paragraph symbol shows up on every line with arrows and dots between words. I tried to contact Microsoft service and keep getting sent back to the same general "Contact us" I know you are not a big Microsoft fan (I kept XP despite their efforts to move me into their next mess). Maybe you have a brief shortcut that will get rid of my Paragraph symbols. Thanx -- and I really appreciate the daily (seven days a week) DearWebby column. Jerry Dear Jerry Congratulations on avoiding Vista! I am an XP fan. Like most businesses, we switched to Open Office some time ago. Maybe Microsoft did too, and their pet Talibans are no longer supporting WORD ? As far as I remember, there is a ¶ button in the top menu. Hitting that should make the paragraph symbols invisible. You can also go to Tools > Options > View. Under the heading "Formatting marks" take off the checkmarks. Have FUN! DearWebby

To keep your husband from reading your email, put it in a folder labeled "appliance instruction manuals". To keep your wife from reading your email, put it in a folder labeled "car repair records".

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Makeshift Level Need to level a picture or painting on your wall but you don't have a level handy? Just put a little water in a glass and hold it on the top edge of the frame. The frame is level when the water in the glass is. Visit ThriftyFun for more Home Improvement Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html For more precision, tie a paper clip or other small weight to some limp or wet thread, and the other end of it to the end of a pencil or ruler or stick. My mom used the handle of the big wooden spoon, that she broke on my noggin while trying to educate me. Lay the pencil or stick on the top edge, so that the thread hangs down about a match width from the side edge. Unlike with the water glass, there is no guesswork involved. When the picture, or fridge or stove or whatever you are levling, is perfectly level, the thread is a match width away at both top and bottom. Afterward, the thread can be spooled up on the stick and tossed into the tool drawer for next time. A "plumb-bob" like that is actually more precise than a store-bought level. Have FUN! Dear Webby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An elderly couple is vacationing in the West. Sam always wanted a pair of authentic cowboy boots. Seeing some on sale one day, he buys them, wears them home, walking proudly. He walks into their hotel room and says to his wife, "Notice anything different, Helen?" Helen looks him over, "Nope." Sam says excitedly, "Come on, Helen, take a good look. Notice anything different about me?" Helen looks again, "Nope." Frustrated, Sam storms off into the bathroom, undresses, and walks back into the room completely naked except for his boots. Again, he asks, a little louder this time, "Notice anything DIFFERENT?" Helen looks up and says, "Sam, what's different? It's hanging down today, it was hanging down yesterday, it'll be hanging down again tomorrow." Furious, Sam yells, "AND DO YOU KNOW WHY IT'S HANGING DOWN, HELEN? IT'S HANGING DOWN BECAUSE IT'S LOOKING AT MY NEW BOOTS!" To which Helen replies, "Shoulda bought a hat, Sam, Shoulda bought a hat."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: New Zealand via National Geographic
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: XCOPY from machine to machine 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 22, 2008

We all have strength enough to endure the misfortunes of others. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld There is no passion like that of a functionary for his function. --- Georges Clemenceau
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A husband reading a newspaper says to his wife, "You know, honey, I think there might be some real merit to what this article says. The intelligence of a father often proves a stumbling block to the son." "Well, thank heaven," said the wife. "At least our James has nothing standing in his way."
Sign posted in a cafeteria, "Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria." Scribbled underneath was: "Socks can eat any place they want."
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Bougie
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Djurens Ratt, in Stockholm, Sweden Snivelers object to pretend elk hunt GRASMYR, Sweden (UPI) -- Animal rights snivelers have condemned a pretend hunt in Sweden where pre-school children were encouraged to shoot at a cloth elk puppet. "Pre-school children are a target group identified by the Swedish Association for Hunting and Wildlife Management. They run specific campaigns to encourage children's interest in killing animals," said the Swedish animal rights sniveler Djurens Ratt. Children at the Vintergatan pre-school in the northern town of Grasmyr held their pretend hunt last week, the prey being an elk puppet filled with buns, the Swedish news agency tt reported Sunday. Teachers at the school defended their actions as helping children prepare for everyday life, reported the newspaper Vasterbottens-Kuriren "For our children who grow up in an environment where hunting is part of everyday life it is important that the children also be given the chance to take a position on the issue," said teacher Maria Nygard. ---------------- Grasmyr is in the far North of Sweden, not in Stockholm. Elk there are not cute bambies, but a normal meat provider, just like cattle are in the South of Sweden. Even here, I can buy elk meat less than a mile from my house.
A pastor was preaching an impassioned sermon on the evils of television. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife mumbled, "but it gets awfully crowded in there during hockey season!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randy Re: copy large folders across a network Dear Webby: I need to copy some large folders from my old computer to my new one. I got them networked OK, and I can drag files and small folders across, but with large program and data folders I have a problem. Whenever Windows encounters any problem, Billy gets in a snit, takes his marbles and goes home to Mama. When I redo the copy, it stalls and gives up at the same spot. I got XP on both machines. Why is that so, and how do I get around that? Randy Dear Randy If you ever read the small print in what you agreed to when you bought Windows, you saw that they want you to be aware that Windows is not a fail-safe system and that it does not recover from errors gracefully. To get around that problem, you have to revert to good old DOS. START, RUN, cmd But first, view the drive or partition on the new machine with the file explorer on the old machine, and assign a network drive letter to the C: drive on the new machine. For example Z: Then go to the DOS command prompt and type: net use Z: and hit ENTER. That will establish the DOS network connection. You can verify that it worked by typing: dir Z:\ It will show you the list of files in the root directory of the new machine. Ugly, but that's how we did it in the stone age. If the white text on black bothers your eyes, type color 9e and hit Enter. Feel free to experiment with different number and letter combinations. Let's say the directory that you want to copy is E:\Alpha\Eudora and the destination is Z:\Alpha\Eudora So you type: xcopy /E /D /H /R /K /Y E:\Alpha\Eudora\*.* z:\Alpha\Eudora and hit Enter. You will see a list of files scoot by, until there is a snag. Instead of giving up, it stops and tells you that it can't copy a certain file. Most likely it is a file that got messed when you had tried to drag with Windows. So, simply go to the destination machine and delete that file. You can use the file explorer for that. Back to the source machine. Hit the UP arrow to repeat the command. Because of the /D switch, xcopy won't waste time with stuff that is not newer on the source machine than the target machine. You may hit more snags, and can deal with them the same way. Eventually all of that directory and all it's subdirectories will have been copied over at lightning speed. And yes, it is indeed a good idea to write that command and all the switches onto the monitor frame, because you will want to use it again: xcopy /E /D /H /R /K /Y source/*.* destination Have FUN! DearWebby

A Swiss man, looking for directions, pulls up at a bus stop where two Americans are waiting. "Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asks. The two Americans just stare at him. "Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tries. The two continue to stare. "Parlare Italiano?" No response. "Hablan ustedes Espanol?" Still nothing. The Swiss guy drives off, extremely disgusted. The first American turns to the second and says, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language." "Why?" says the other. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stuck Together Postage Stamps If postage stamps become stuck together, put them in the freezer for an hour or two. When you remove them, they should come apart easily. Visit ThriftyFun for more Helpful Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An insurance salesman was trying to persuade a housewife that she should take out life insurance. "Suppose your husband were to die," he said, "What would you get?" The housewife thought for a while, and then said, "Oh, a parrot, I think. Then the house wouldn't seem so quiet."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Home Remedies & Natural Cures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: More SP3 Problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 21, 2008

We always like those who admire us; we do not always like those whom we admire. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld In anger we should refrain both from speech and action. --- Pythagoras
There was once an American man who took a long vacation to Europe, leaving his cat at home with a friend. About a month into the trip, he got a call from his friend telling him that his cat had died. "WHAT?!?!" asked the vacationing man, shocked to hear the news. "I loved that cat! You can't just call me and tell me that it died! You have to ease me into it. First maybe call and tell me that the cat's on the roof. Then call again and tell me that the cat fell, but you're doing everything you can to save it, and then tell me that the cat has died." The American agreed and the vacationer went on with his trip. About a month later, the vacationing man got another call from the American, saying simply, "Your mother-in-law is on the roof."
A fellow who’s just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It’s actually quite simple," the old feller replied. "I just never argue." "That’s impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 150 years! The old fellow stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. "Hmmm," he finally shrugged, "maybe you’re right."
Thanks to Dianne for this picture: Peek a BOO
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Edna Jester, 89, of Cincinnati, Ohio Ball Hog BLUE ASH, Ohio – Police in Ohio say an 89-year-old woman is facing a charge of petty theft because neighborhood children accuse her of refusing to give back their football. Edna Jester was arrested last week in the Cincinnati suburb of Blue Ash. Police say one child's father complained that Jester kept the youngsters' ball after it landed in her yard. Jester is to appear in court next month. The maximum penalty for a petty theft conviction in Ohio is six months in jail and a fine of up to $1,000.
Thanks to Dave for this story: A man and a woman were dating. She being of a religious nature had Held back the worldly pleasure that he wanted from her so bad. In Fact, he had never even seen her naked. One day, as they drove down the freeway, she remarked about his slow Driving habits. I can't stand it anymore,' she told him. 'Let's play A game. For every 5 miles per hour over the speed limit you drive, I'll Remove one piece of clothing. He enthusiastically agreed and sped up the car. He reached the 55 MPH mark, so she took off her blouse. At 60 off came the pants. At 65 it was her bra and at 70 her panties. Now seeing her naked for the first time and traveling faster than he Ever had before, he became very excited and lost control of the car. He veered off the road, went over an embankment and hit a tree. His Girlfriend was not hurt but he was trapped. She tried to pull him Free but alas he was stuck. 'Go to the road and get help,' he said. 'I don't have anything to cover myself with!' she replied. The man felt around, but could only reach one of his shoes. 'You'll have to put this between your legs to cover it up,' he told her. So she did as he said and went up to the road for help. Along came a truck driver. Seeing a naked, crying woman along the Road, he pulled over to hear her story. 'My boyfriend! My boyfriend!' she sobs, 'He's stuck and I can't pull him out!' The truck driver looking down at the shoe between her legs replies, 'Ma'am, if he's in that far, I'm afraid he's a goner!'
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rheta Re: SP3 problems Dear webby: i uninstaled the sp3 thing and now a lot of stuf on my computer wont work. and i canot down load any thing to fix the problem ....Grrrrr. Rheta Dear Rheta I guess you are beginning to see why I am so fanatic against SP3! Do you have ANY browser left that you can use? If you don't have one, let me know and I'll send one to you by email. Check your email limits: FireFox is 5 MB Opera is 6 MB Safari os 45 MB (forget THAT one!) IE6 is on your Set-Up CD, but quite a nuisance to re-install after SP3 has messed up your system. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young lawyer, just out of Law School, was pleading his first case in South Carolina. A train had killed twenty-four pigs, and the young attorney was trying to impress the jury with the magnitude of the injury. "Yes, Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, twenty-four pigs. Imagine, twenty-four pigs. Twice the number there are in the jury box." Somehow, it didn't go over too well.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Loose Screws If you have a screw loose in something made of wood, just remove the screw and fill the hole with wood putty. Let the wood putty dry and then reinsert the screw. Click Here To Visit ThriftyFun For More Repair Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Repair_1876.html If it is a load bearing screw, I prefer to fill the hole with 2 component epoxy and drive the screw in right away. That way some of the glue is forced into the wood and provides a very strong bond. Don't expect to be able to remove that screw without heating it! Have Fun! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A battle-axe of a teacher is giving an assignment to her sixth grade class. The instructions are lengthy, so she starts writing high up on the chalkboard. Suddenly there is a giggle from one of the boys in the class. She quickly turns and asks, "What's so funny, Bobby?" "Well, teacher, I just saw one of your garters." "Get out of my classroom!" she yells. "I don't want to see you for three days!" The teacher turns back to the chalkboard. Realizing she has forgotten to title the assignment, she reaches to the very top to write it. Another of the boys giggles. She turns again and asks, "What's so funny, Billy?" "Well, teacher, I just saw both of your garters." Again she yells, "Get out of my classroom! I don't want to see you for two weeks!" Embarrassed and frustrated, she drops the eraser when she turns back to the board, so she bends over to pick it up. This time there is a burst of laughter. She turns to see Johnny leaving the classroom. "And where do you think you are going?" she asks. "Well, teacher," he says, "from what I just saw, my school days are over."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: baby Critter Pix
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Lost Screen Savers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 20, 2008

I just need enough to tide me over until I need more. --- Bill Hoest Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties. --- Doug Larson
Two guys were at a bar talking about how highly their wives thought of them. The first guy said, "My wife, she thinks so much of me that she won't let me do any work around the house. It's great." The second guy says, "That's nothing. My wife thinks I'm a God." "She thinks you're God? What makes you say that?" "Easy. Every night she places a burnt offering before me...."
When Sam returned to the house one evening, his wife announced that the new cleaning woman they had hired had stolen two towels. "Yeah," said Sam very disinterested, and reclining on the sofa, "that wasn't very nice of her to do." "You're darn right it wasn't," Sarah said. "And they were the two best towels we had... the ones we got from the Hilton Hotel when we were on our honeymoon!"
Thanks to TJ A. for this picture: Canmore, Alberta
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to town council in Hereford, England Pensioner told to stop cutting grass A pensioner has been ordered to stop mowing the grass outside his home because it makes the road look too tidy. Brian Hubbard has regularly cut the patch of grass outside his Hereford home since he moved in four years ago. He also picks up litter, rakes the leaves and cleans up council contractors' grass cuttings, reports the Daily Telegraph. But he has received a letter accusing him of "encroaching" on council land and been told that he must "return the area to its original state within 28 days" or the work would be carried out at his expense. He said: "Whoever would have thought that cultivating the grass, cutting it regularly and raking the leaves off could be described as encroachment? Do they want me to put weeds and dandelions in?" A spokesman for Herefordshire Council apologised for the tone of the letter and suggested a meeting to discuss the situation.
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked after folding items the woman wished to purchase. As she fumbled for her wallet I notice a remote control for a television set in her purse. "Do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked. "No," she replied. "But my husband refused to come shopping with me, so I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: J Re: Lost screen savers Hi There Webby, Hope alls well with you & yours... I have 2 problems... Okie-Dokie, Here's first the problem... I downloaded several screen-savers and saved them in a desktop briefcase... Now when I go to the Control Panel / Display there is no tab for the screen-saver option, where I can select one ? Like I said I have several new ones in a briefcase, but what happened to the old ones with that tab to get to them? (you know the flying windows/ objects in space ect. Ect ect I'm on WindowsXP, Professional Version 2002...( I don't have the CD disk anymore so that's out as a solution) Also I use Firefox as a Browser.. I used that Crap Cleaner several times, Do you think I might have deleted them forever...I don't know what it does, I just click it and clean up whatever it does... Any help you can share with me would be greatly appreciated.. J Dear J To set up screen savers, right-click the desktop Properties, ScreenSaver. Crap Cleaner doesn't un-install programs. It just dumps the fragments of procedures, that are left behind in the memory, and similar crap. Have FUN! DearWebby

The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he went. Then he moved to one side, getting wound up in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it again. After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the third pew leaned toward her mother and whispered, "If he gets loose, we better run!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Skeleton Costume Take an old black sweat suit and paint bones on it with white paint. Use glow-in-the-dark paint and it will look extra spooky. You also can glue on white felt or a glow-in-the-dark material for the bones. Visit ThriftyFun For More Halloween Ideas http://www.thriftyfun.com/Halloween_540.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Lawyer: "Now would you please tell the Jury the truth - why did you shoot your husband with a bow and arrow?" Defendant : "I didn't want to wake up the children."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Antelope Canyon
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Multiple Browsers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 19, 2008

We study the past to understand the present; we understand the present to guide the future." --- William Lund
Marriage Quips Q: Is it all right to bring a date to the wedding? A: Not if you are the groom. Q: What music is recommended for the wedding ceremony? A: Anything except 'Tied to the Whipping Post'. Q: How can you tell the married men at a wedding reception? A: They're the ones dancing with everyone but their wives. Q: What is a wedding tragedy? A: To marry a man for love, and then find out he has no money. Q: What's long and hard and a Polish man gives it to his bride on their wedding night? A: A last name. Q: How do I make my wife stop buying all these gloves? A: Buy her a diamond ring. Q: What is the best way to annoy your wife/husband during sex? A: Call her/him on the telephone
Thanks to Bob for this classic: A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into her car, an ancient Caddillac Fleetwood as old as she is, and use it to push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be pushed at a speef of at least 30mph for it to start. She said "fine!" hopped into her car and drove off. I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing. A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror coming at me at about 40 mph, I suddenly realized that I should have been a bit clearer with my directions.
Thanks to Sue for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heinrich Klopp, 27, in Berlin, Germany Burglar got stuck in lift A German thief was sunk after he got stuck in the lift of an office block he'd just burgled. Heinrich Klopp, 27, had raided an office on the sixth floor, taking computers, mobile phones and other electronic goods. He decided to take the lift down because his bag of loot was too heavy for him to carry down flights of stairs to a getaway car. But he was forced to call the fire brigade when he was trapped between floors. Firemen in the German capital Berlin spotted four laptops on the lift floor and called police who arrested Klopp and later charged him with theft. "I nearly got away with it until the lift broke. I had no other option but to call for help," he confessed. "It's the first time I've ever done anything like it but I didn't enjoy any beginner's luck this time. "I tried to hide the laptops in the corner, but I knew I was done for as soon as they clapped eyes on them."
A golfer hits a wicked slice off the tee that ricochets through the trees and into the next fairway narrowly missing another golfer. When the first golfer gets to his ball he is greeted by his unintended victim who angrily tells him of the near miss. "I'm sorry, I didn't have time to yell fore," says the first golfer. "That's funny" replies the second, "you had plenty of time to yell '@#$%& &^%$# &^*%@$!'"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: Multiple browsers Dear Webby, Thanks for the fast reply. Question (dumb?) if I use Opera or FireFox as a browser can I still have Google as my home page? I don't think I really understand what a browser is, or does. Carol Dear Carol You can have for you home page anything you want, no matter what browser you use. With most browsers you set the default home page in TOOLS, Internet Options. Thousands of people even have the Humor Letter as their home page. That is why I have all those links in the left side margin. A browser is just a viewer. You can browse all over the Internet and VIEW pages. Since 1994 you can even fill out forms with a browser, but essentially it is just a viewer. You can have many different browsers on your computer. Just avoid IE7. I use FireFox as my default browser, and make whatever site I am working on as the Home page. I use IE6 for Accu-Radio, and got that site as the home page on it. I use Opera with usually http://dawna.com as the default Home page. I have the Google Tool bar on all of them. Usually I have about a dozen Tabs open on FireFox, one on IE6, and 3-4 on Opera. Yes, you can run all of them at the same time. They are just viewers. When I am working on a client's web site, I usually check it on each of those browsers to make sure the pages look the same on all of them. The one to stay away from is IE7. Like SP3 and Vista, it has serious problems. Have FUN! DearWebby

A MAN was admiring the tropical fish in the pet shop where I used to work. When I offered my assistance, he mentioned that his new wife was a fish fancier. After I showed him around, he shouted, "There she is! That's the one I'll take." As I scooped out a large, sluggish goldfish with a gray splotch at the top of its head, the man exclaimed, "My bride will love this! She's always wanted to know what my first wife looked like!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Firewood Store wood off the ground and protect it from weather. You will want to store wood about 4 inches off the ground. Any wood on the ground will collect insects and rot more quickly. You will also want to keep it covered from rain and snow. Visit ThriftyFun for more Storage Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_St ... 9_699.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

It was nearly 7 o'clock when an employee walked into a restaurant after working overtime for a demanding and demeaning supervisor. As he was being led to his table, he noticed his supervisor at another table arguing with the waiter about his order. Finally, the waiter turned and headed toward the bar. As he was returning to the supervisor's table with a drink, the employee stopped him saying, "Here's $20.00 in it if you will spit in that drink." With a somewhat puzzled look, the waiter replied, "Again?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: TheWorldLive
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Fake Microsoft update emails 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 18, 2008

Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself. --- A. H. Weiler Either I've been missing something or nothing has been going on. --- Karen Elizabeth Gordon
Thanks to Darlene for this story: I took my Dad to the mall the other day to buy some new shoes. We decided to grab a bite to eat at the food court. I noticed he was watching a teenage sitting next to him. The teenager had spiked hair in all different colors: green, red, orange, and blue. My dad kept staring at him. The teenanger would look and find him staring every time. When the teenage had enough, he sarcastically asked, 'What's the matter old man, never done anything wild in your life?' Knowing my dad, I quickly swallowed my food so that I would not choke on his response; knowing he would have a good one. And in classic style he did not bat an eye at his response, 'Got drunk once and had sex with a peacock. I was just wondering if you were my son.'
That reminds me of this one from Lillemor A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" "The cop asked, "WHAT'S HE LIKE?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Crown Royal whiskey and women with big boobs."
Thanks to Anna for this picture: Ape and Tiger
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Annarita Ottonello, 29, in genoa, Italy 'Angelina - bank raider' Italian cops easily caught an armed robber after being told the gun wielding raider was Angelina Jolie. Lookalike Annarita Ottonello, 29, staged a bank robbery in Genoa after running into money problems, say police. But she was quickly caught, as she tried to escape by scooter, after police circulated the news that the bank had been robbed by an Angelina Jolie double. A police spokesman said: "The resemblance was so uncanny that some witnesses actually thought it was the actress herself and that the robbery was part of a new Hollywood film. "The woman had always thought that looking like Angelina Jolie was a bit of a bonus in her life because it attracted lots of men. "Unfortunately in this particular instance it proved to be the worst possible thing for her - she was instantly recognisable."
A young clergyman, fresh out of seminary, thought it would help him better understand the fears and temptations his future congregations faced if he first took a job as a policeman for several months. He passed the physical examination; then came the oral exam to test his ability to act quickly and wisely in an emergency. Among other questions he was asked, "What would you do to disperse a frenzied crowd?" He thought for a moment and then said, "I would pass a collection plate." He got the job.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Fake Microsoft Updates Dear Webby, Those fake Microsoft update notices, that you mentioned before, are coming around again. Why don't you do your half Million readers a favor and mentione them again? Dianne Dear Dianne I have not noticed them, probably because I am protected by Mail Washer. However, I have I have indeed read lots about them lately. If you get an email pretending to be from Microsoft, and it tells you that an update is attached, it is phoney. Delete the attachment, dump your recycle bin, and delete that email. Microsoft never has, and never will, send updates around by email. You get their updates through the Windows Updater, or by going to their site and searching for what you need. Have FUN! DearWebby

John asks his wife, Mary what she wants to celebrate their 40th wedding anniversary. "Would you like a new Mink Coat?" he asks. "Not really," says Mary. "Well how about a new Mercedes sports car?" says John. "No," she responds. "What about a new vacation home in the country?" he suggests. She again rejects his offer with a "No thanks." "Well what would you like for your anniversary?" John asks. "John, I'd like a divorce," answers Mary. "Sorry, I wasn't planning to spend quite that much," says John.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Checkbook Cover for Coupons If you have an extra checkbook cover lying around it makes a great wallet for carrying coupons. You can put coupons you plan to use soon in one side and coupons you plan to use later in the other. Click Here To Visit ThriftyFun For More Frugal Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Livi ... _1307.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly treated she got over the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs her that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex- husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points out at the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex- husband will get ten times what she wishes for. "No problem," said the woman as she grinned in ecstasy. "For my last wish ... I'd like to give birth to twins."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Sherlockian
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Deare Webby: apsSearchInterface problem 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 17, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

There are many ways of going forward, but only one way of standing still. --- Franklin D. Roosevelt
One Sunday a young child was "acting up" during the morning worship hour. The parents did their best to maintain some sense of order in the pew but were losing the battle. Finally, the father picked the little fellow up by the scruff of the neck and walked him sternly up the aisle on his way out. Just before reaching the safety of the foyer, the little one called loudly to the congregation, "Pray for me! Pray for me!"
Nine year old Joey, was asked by his mother what he had learned in Sunday school. "Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers build a pontoon bridge and all the people walked across safely. Then he used his walkie - talkie to radio headquarters for reinforcements. They sent bombers to blow up the bridge and all the Israelites were saved." "Now, Joey, is that really what your teacher taught you?" his mother asked. "Well, no, Mom. But if I told it the way the teacher did, you'd never believe it!"
Thanks to Dianne for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Shawn Alexander Pannullo, 27, of Vero Beach, Florida Munchies Man allegedly offered pot for McD's food VERO BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities have accused a drive-through customer at a Vero Beach, Fla., McDonald's fast-food restaurant of attempting to pay for his meal with marijuana. The Indian River County Sheriff's Office said it received a call at 12:22 a.m. Monday from a McDonald's cashier who claimed Shawn Alexander Pannullo, 27, had attempted to trade marijuana for food, TCPalm.com reported Tuesday. A deputy recognized Pannullo's vehicle from the cashier's description and allegedly discovered a quantity of marijuana inside, the arrest affidavit stated. Pannullo, who was charged with possession of cannabis, was released Monday after posting $500 bail. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ann Re: apsSearchInterface Hi Oh Knowing one.... First I want to thank you for having those "click" links on the left side of the page. I appreciate that I can donate to three good causes every morning and am supporting these diverse causes. I need your help again please. For the last week or so I have gotten the following notice when I turn the computer on. What on earth does it mean and how do I get rid of (or fix it if necessary)? Thanks as always for your generous sharing of your knowledge of most things. "The procedure entry port apsSearchInterface could not be located in the dynamic link library wlanapi.dll." Ann Dear Ann Looks like you forgot to install the SP3 blocker. That is one of the screw-ups that come with SP3. CAUSE Windows XP SP3 rudely and inconsiderately adds a dll file that is named Wlanapi.dll, a name that has been in use for a long time by drivers for network cards. SP3 installs this file into the WINDOWS\System32 folder, totally overwriting and obliterating the one already there from your network card driver. RESOLUTION To resolve this issue, check the Web site of the wireless network adapter's manufacturer for the latest device drivers that are available for a Windows XP SP3-based system. Then, download and install the latest device drivers for the wireless network adapter, and overwrite the useless file from SP3. You can use the Belarc Advisor from the tool box at http://webby.com/tools to find out what brand and model network adapter you got. Then Google for that brand and "driver". Have FUN! DearWebby

Airman Jones was assigned to the induction center, where he advised new recruits about their government benefits, especially their GI insurance. It wasn't long before Captain Smith noticed that Airman Jones was having a staggeringly high success-rate, selling insurance to nearly 100% of the recruits he advised. Rather than asking him about this, the Captain stood at the back of the room and listened to Jones' sales pitch. Jones explained the basics of GI Insurance to the new recruits, and then said, "If you are killed in a battle and have a GI Insurance, the government has to pay $200,000 to your beneficiaries. But, if you don't have a GI insurance and get killed in the battle, the government only has to pay a maximum of $6000." "Now," he concluded, "which group do you think they are going to send into battle first?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning an Electric Can Opener Clean the blade of an electric can opener with a wet paper towel while running the opener. For stubborn, dried on food, use an old toothbrush. If it is removable, run it through the dishwasher. Visit ThriftyFun for more Cleaning Tips by clicking here http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

AAADD I have recently been diagnosed with AAADD - Age Activated attention Deficit Disorder This is how it goes . . . I decide to clean off the front patio. I start to the patio and notice mail on the desk that needs to be taken down to the Post Office. OK, I'm going to the Post Office . . . BUT FIRST I'm going to go through the mail that was delivered. I lay the car keys down on desk. After discarding the junk mail, I notice the trash can is full. OK, I'll just put the bills on my desk . . . BUT FIRST I'll take the trash out. But since I'm going to be near the mailbox, I'll address a few bills . . Yes, Now where is the checkbook? Oops.. there's only one check left. Where did I put the extra checks? Oh, there is my empty coffee cup from last night on my desk. I'm going to look for those checks . . . BUT FIRST I need to put the cup back in the kitchen. I start to head for the kitchen and look out at my balcony, notice the flowers need a drink of water because of the extreme heat. I put the cup on the counter and there's my extra pair of glasses on the kitchen counter. What are they doing here? I'll just put them away . . . BUT FIRST need to water those plants. I head for the door and . . . Aaaagh! Someone left the TV remote on the wrong spot. Okay, I'll put the remote away and water the plants on my balcony . . . BUT FIRST I need to find those checks. END OF DAY: The patio has not been cleaned, bills still unpaid, cup still on the counter, checkbook still has only one check left, lost my car keys . . . And, when I try to figure out how come nothing got done today, I'm baffled because . . . I KNOW I WAS BUSY ALL DAY! I realize this condition is serious . . . I'd get help . . . BUT FIRST . . . I think I'll check my e-mail.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Arresting Images
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Dear Webby: : Instant messengers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 16, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them? --- Abraham Lincoln When we seek to discover the best in others, we somehow bring out the best in ourselves." --- William Arthur Ward
Employed by the human-development center of a corporation in the Midwest, my friend trains employees in proper dress codes and etiquette. One day, as she was stepping onto the elevator, a man casually dressed in jeans and a golf shirt got on with her. Thinking of her responsibilities, she scolded, "Dressed a little casually today, aren't we?" The man replied, "That's the only fringe benefit I get for owning the company."
They were having their first fight, and finally he said, "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." She said, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people."
Thanks to Deeli for this picture: Tried to take a picture of the moon, but this ghost got in the way. Deeli
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Adriano Germano, 56, in Mallare, Italy Shot hunter gets bullet An Italian council worker is getting the bullet from his bosses - after he was shot on a hunting trip when he should have been working. Adriano Germano, 56, an engineer, turned up to work and told bosses he was going out on an all-day job to help fix some water pipes. But he snuck off after clocking in to go hunting in nearby forests with some pals - and ended up in hospital for 20 days when a pal accidentally blasted him with a shotgun. Suspicious bosses in Mallare, northern Italy, called in police when they heard about the injury and discovered what had happened. Now he's facing jail on charges of defrauding the state. A police spokesman said: "The man had tried to claim that his injuries were a result of him doing his job. "But he was a bit stuck to come up with an explanation as to how he had been peppered with shot from a hunting gun while working on pipes."
I was listening to one of Larry the Cable Guy's clips on the radio and he said his girlfriend was mad at him. "She wanted me to rent that 'Scent of a Woman' movie, but I couldn't find it. So I brought home 'A Fish Called Wanda'."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Instant messengers Dear Webby I got in big trouble at work for using Yahoo messenger to chat with a client. It was work related, not chit-chat, but the boss said NO messengers are safe, especially not Yahoo. I know you use some kind of messenger for tech support, so there must be some, or one, that is safe. What do you use? Eileen Dear Eileen We use Skype. It is securely encrypted and rock solid. I can look up the history 6 years back and search for anything. Unless you use Eudora, you can't do that with your email. We also use Skype for all long distance calls, and most local ones too, because the voice quality is much better. Get comfortable with it on your home machine, then show it to your boss. Don't just start using it. Considering that you got caught using Yahoo messenger, which is indeed neither safe nor reliable, he DOES have reasons to be concerned. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Dianne for this classic: While I sat in the reception area of my doctor's office, a woman rolled an elderly man in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist's desk, the man sat there, alone and silent. Just as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped off his mother's lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man's, he said, 'I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.'

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Off Water When Brushing Teeth Don't leave the water on while you are brushing your teeth. Turn it off after rinsing your toothbrush and wait to turn it on again when you need to rinse the sink and brush when you are done. Click Here To Visit ThriftyFun For More Green Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

If we could just get everyone to close their eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be, until the looting started.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Jay Leno's Garage
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: : How to make a PDF file 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 15, 2008

The man who insists on seeing with perfect clearness before he decides, never decides. --- Henri-Frédéric Amiel The only function of economic forecasting is to make astrology look respectable. --- John Kenneth Galbraith
Thanks to Roland for this Classic: I needed some supplies from a Sunday school cupboard that was seldom used and was secured with a lock. I didn't know the combination, but our clergyman offered to give it a try. Father Jack placed his fingers on the lock's dial and raised his eyes heavenward for a moment. Then he confidently spun the dial and opened the lock. Seeing how impressed I was with this demonstration of faith, he smiled and confided, "The numbers are written on the ceiling."
The church was having a play, and one of the women was supposed to say, "The ass stuck his head out the window and brayed." The woman didn't want to say "ass" in church and asked if she could change the word to "donkey". The other members insisted that she call it an ass, because that's what it was called in the Bible. One person reminded her of the story about Jesus riding an ass into Jerusalem. The woman worried about her line right up until the fateful day of the pplay. When her turn came, she stood up in front of the congregation and said, "The donkey stuck his ass out the window and prayed."
Thanks to Denjan for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to water board workers in Marino, Italy Sent in by Deeli Changed water into wine Rome, Italy - The Telegraph Sparkling chilled white wine instead of water flowed from the taps during the Marino Grape Festival and as part of the event free wine flows from the main fountain in the square too. However, due to a technical error the pipes from the local vineyard which supply the marble fountain were switched to the domestic supply feeding homes at Marino, in the famous wine-making Alban Hills, south of Rome. When mayor Adriano Palozzi, a priest and locals gathered round the fountain following a prayer of thanks to the Virgin Mary, with plastic glasses at the ready for Marino DOC they were left disappointed as instead of fresh wine, out poured the usual water. Then came the shout of "miracolo" from one house overlooking the square and a local rushed out onto her balcony to reveal that wine was flowing from her kitchen tap. One local named as Anna said, "I was in the kitchen ready to do the housework and filled up a bucket with water. "I was going to mop the floor with it but I immediately noticed a sweet smell from the tap and it was also slightly yellow - I recognized instantly it was wine. I called my neighbors and they turned on their taps and it was the same - the word quickly spread and everyone filled up bottles and plastic containers with the wine." "It all happened at the same time as Sagra dell Uva Grape Festival so everyone thought it was a miracle - I don't think that the mayor and the other officials were very happy though." Mayor Palozzi said: "It was a surprise and completely unexpected - workmen are fixing the problem which obviously came about through a technical error.
A bride called to make a change to her wedding registry. It is common, almost expected, that a bride will change something on her registry at least once (dishes, color of towels, etc.). The Customer Service Representative told her that J.C. Penney would be happy to make the change. He asked if the bride wanted to change the dishes or the linens. The bride said, "No, keep all that. I just wanted to change the name of the groom."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carol Re: PDF Dear Webby Do I understand you correctly in that we can download Open Office at your tool box site, copy our word documents over to Open Office because Open Office will convert the document to a PDF? If I'm correct so far, does that mean we can also save it as a PDF and open it as a PDF? I have copied PDF files, wanting to use them some place else and when I open the PDF file to read it I get mumbo-jumbo...all types of alphabet and numbers mixed up (like a code). This procedure (Word to PDF and save as PDF and open PDF and be able to read it) would be great and very handy for me. Thank you for your continued help. I do not miss a day of reading your Web site! Carol Dear Carol yes, Open Office will open your WORD, WordPerfect, whatever, documents and spreadsheets, and even lets you save them in those formats, not just in industry standard, platform independent Open Document spec. For example, if you have an aunt that still uses StarWriter, you can save it in that format too. If you need something in PDF format, for example a contract or form, to make sure that nobody can make changes on it, and to make sure everybody sees it in exactly the same way, no matter what kind of computer they use, or to upload it to Staples for printing thousands of copies, then you hit ALT F, D (or click on File, Export as PDF ), and it makes a PDF file. That action not destroy or change your document or it's name or format. It's just like a Print To File, or a snapshot of how it would look if printed at that moment.. PDF is a one way street. Think of it as a picture of how a print job would look like, if you printed it right now, and have that picture exported as a PDF file for printing later, when your paper order gets delivered, or when you get a moment of privacy at the big laser printer at work. If you think you might want to edit it some day, then you keep the original file, from which you exported a print job snapshot to PDF, edit that, and make a fresh export. To read PDF files you use FoxIt or Adobe Reader, or any PDF reader. They are free in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools Just keep in mind that PDF files are viewable print jobs, not editable text files. You edit the document or spreadsheet, which you "printed" to PDF format, not the snapshot picture. Because it is nearly impossible to "harvest" a PDF file, when you write an eBook and print it to PDF, nobody can just edit it a bit and put their name in there as the author. The same goes for invoices, contracts, RFQ's (Request for Quotes), etc. People can't change them. Have FUN! DearWebby

Did you hear about the teacher who was helping one of her kindergarten students put on his boots? He asked for help and she could see why. With her pulling and him pushing, the boots still didn't want to go on. When the second boot was on, she had worked up a sweat. She almost whimpered when the little boy said, "Teacher, they're on the wrong feet." She looked and sure enough, they were. It wasn't any easier pulling the boots off than it was putting them on. She managed to keep her cool as together they worked to get the boots back on- this time on the right feet. He then announced, "These aren't my boots." She bit her tongue rather than get right in his face and scream, "Why didn't you say so?" like she wanted to. Once again she struggled to help him pull the ill-fitting boots off. He then said, "They're my brother's boots. My Mom made me wear them." She didn't know if she should laugh or cry. She mustered up the grace and courage she had left to wrestle the boots on his feet again. She said, "Now, where are your mittens?" He said, "I stuffed them in the toes of my boots..." Her trial is set to start early next year.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Don't Buy Items Under Stress Don't buy items when you are stressed out or anxious. Always be prepared to leave a store or a car lot if you don't feel comfortable with your purchase. If you get home and have buyer's remorse, go ahead at take the item back immediately. Any reputable store will allow you to return the item. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Consumer Advice http://www.thriftyfun.com/Consumer%20Advice_1285.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An American scientist once visited the offices of the great Nobel Prize-winning physicist, Neils Bohr, in Copenhagen, and was amazed to find that over his desk a horseshoe was nailed to the wall. The American said with a nervous laugh, "Surely you don't believe that a horseshoe will bring you good luck, do you, Professor Bohr?" Bohr chuckled. "I believe no such thing, my good friend. Not at all. I am scarcely likely to believe in such foolish nonsense. However, I am told that a horseshoe will bring you good luck whether you believe in it or not!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Best Crosswords
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Visible Alert 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 14, 2008

The Constitution only guarantees the American people the right to pursue happiness. You have to catch it yourself. --- Benjamin Franklin Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy. --- Cynthia Nelms
After deciding that their frail, elderly mother can no longer live alone, a family brings her to a nursing home, hoping she'll be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe the old woman, feed her a tasty breakfast, and sit her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems fine, but after a while she slowly starts to lean over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems fine, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home. "So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?" they ask. "It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."
One morning a customer entered my flower shop and ordered a bouquet for his wife. "No card is necessary," he instructed us. "She'll know who sent them." The delivery truck hadn't even returned to the store when the phone rang. It was the customer's wife. "Who sent the flowers?" she asked. After explaining that the customer had requested that no card be included, I considered the matter closed. But a bit later, she came rushing in the front door. "You've got to tell me who sent the flowers," she demanded, "before my husband gets home for lunch!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Heidi Kohl, 89, of Rockenhausen, Germany Vandal granny to knit for victims An 89-year-old tire-slashing granny has been sentenced to knit sweaters for her victims. Heidi Kohl was arrested after a slashing spree in Rockenhausen, Germany. She said so many cars parked in and around her road that residents could not find a safe place to cross and she had tried to do something about it. She slashed the tires on dozens of cars thinking that it would put people off parking there. She said: "I was fed up with the situation." Police tracked her down after a car owner saw what she was doing and she was given a fine. As she had no cash to pay she offered to knit jumpers for her victims instead. "When she's knitted the sweaters, then the matter will be over for us," said a prosecution spokesman.
Thanks to Lynn for this story: Shortly after arriving at the University of Washington, I joined some new friends on a trip to nearby Vancouver, British Columbia. It was my first trip outside the United States. At the border, a customs officer asked how long we would stay in Canada. Knowing it would be after midnight when we returned, I asked, "How late will we be able to get back across the border?" "Any time, Ma'am," the officer said. "We never close the US.."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Thea Re: Visible alert Dear Webby I know this isn't necessarily a web or computer question, but you seem to have an engineers compulsion to help and improve things. OK, now that I have buttered you up, here is my question. I have lost my hearing and can't hear my door bell. I live in a rental and can't go rewire things, and the cutesy little chime is down by the door. Is there some solution to those problems? Thea Dear Thea There sure is! Go to X-10 Bell and get their Halloween special. It includes a motion detector that you aim from above the door down to the door mat. Don't aim it too far out, otherwise activity at your neighbor's house will set it off. Then you plug the transceiver and the lamp module in wherever you want a lamp or a fan. Then you simply plug a light or a fan into those. When somebody steps into the area covered by the sensor, the fan or the light comes on. That's all there is to it. Usually that kit costs around $60, but between now and Halloween they got it on special for $20. It also includes a portable chime for those who can hear. Like the lamp module, you can plug it in wherever you have an outlet that is on the same half of the breaker panel as the transceiver. Since the transmitter is good for about 100 feet, that should not be a problem. The motion detector is wireless and talks to the transceiver, which then puts a coded signal onto the electrical system in your house, similar to the way DSL is put onto the phone line. Any X-10 appliance module can read that signal. The motion sensor and the transceiver have a little code wheel that you set to the same number, so that it does not turn on other X-10 controlled stuff that you might have or get. You could, for example get another one for the back door, and turn on a different light with that one. X-10 is not something new. It has been around since the 60's. Have FUN! DearWebby

A minister, a priest and a rabbi were discussing when life begins. "Those of my faith," said the minister, "believe that life starts when the heart begins to beat." "We take a different view," said the priest. "We believe life starts at the moment of conception." "Well," said the rabbi, "it is our belief that life starts when the kids move out and the dog dies."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Spaghetti from Boiling Over Add a teaspoon of olive oil to your spaghetti water to prevent it from boiling over. Butter or another vegetable oil can be substituted for olive oil. A pat of butter also works well to prevent rice from boiling over. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Cooking Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... 6_930.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Thursday at 5:00 pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become little mothers, please see the minister. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days. The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Migratory Bird Center
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Best video format 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 13, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving Day to Canadians!

The entrepreneur always searches for change, responds to it, and exploits it as an opportunity." --- Peter F. Drucker
A friend was laid up at home with the flu. His fiancee called and volunteered to come over and fix dinner and play nursemaid to him. He declined, not wanting to pass on the flu to her. "Okay honey", she told him, "Will wait till after we get married. Then we can spend the rest of our lives making each other sick!"
My five-year-old son was alarmed when he heard a car horn honking enthusiastically. "People beep their horns after a couple is married," I explained. "Why?" he asked. "As a warning?"
Thanks to Jim for this picture: New York State - view from Mt. Hadley in the Southern Adirondack Mountains. Jim
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the District Council in Bromsgrove, England Gardener told to take down barbed wire to protect thieves A gardener who put up barbed wire to protect his allotment from thieves has been ordered to take it down in case intruders hurt themselves. Bill Malcolm, 61, was told to "remove it on health and safety grounds" by the local council which owns the allotments in Marlbrook, Worcestershire. He erected the deterrent after thieves struck three times in four months, stealing more than £300 worth of spades, forks, hoes and wrecking his potato patch in the process. Mr Malcolm said: "It's an absolutely ridiculous situation, all I wanted was to protect my property but the wire had to go in case a thief scratched himself. "I told them to let the thief sue me so at least that way I would know who was breaking into my allotment but everything I said fell on deaf ears. "The barbed wire was a single strand and ringing my property only. It was just three foot high and wasn't as though I'd dug a moat filled with piranha and erected six foot iron railings." A spokesman for Bromsgrove District Council made it clear on whose side they stood.
"Mary," asked Dawn thoughtfully one day, "what would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?" "Another woman with MY husband?" Mary thought it over. "Let's see; I'd break her white cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Arnie Re: Which video format is best? Dear Webby I am trying to put some short videos on my web page. There are so many different formats, that I am totally confused. I don't want to use the rough quality that the kids use on uTube, but I don't want the visitor to have to wait all evening for it to load. What is a good compromise for decent quality and reasonable loading speed? Arnie Dear Arnie The real secret to decent loading speed is a tripod. Compression saves a key frame and then just saves what changes between that and the next frame. If the camera is on a tripod, only the action part changes. If you jitter it around, everything changes. That results in a large final file, which will take much longer to load, no matter what format you use. Next you have to consider your audience. In North America and Asia over 90% of visitors have Flash Player, 75% have Windows Media Player. In Europe they seem to favor Quicktime, not because it is better or faster, -it defintely is not-, but because they tend to be more religious about using non-Microsoft products. Both Flash (flv, swf) and Media Player (wmv) CAN deliver excellent, professional quality video on a decent connetion. On slow connections Flash is usually better. It starts streaming sooner, but it may slow down or even stop, until the loading catches up, and then sometimes give you some very fast motion. When a fast start is not that important, I prefer Media Player format (wmv). The motion is steady throughout, and the video quality is just as good, sometimes even better than with Flash. Have FUN! DearWebby

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wrinkled Slacks But No Iron? If you have wrinkled slacks but no iron, just put the slacks neatly over the towel bar in the bathroom while taking a shower. Be sure to close the bathroom door to trap as much steam as possible. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Laundry Tips Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An 18th-century vagabond in England, exhausted and famished, came to a roadside Inn with a sign reading: "George and the Dragon." He knocked. The Innkeeper's wife stuck her head out a window. "Could ye spare some victuals?" he asked. The woman glanced at his shabby, dirty clothes. "No!" she shouted. "Could I have a pint of ale?" "No!" she shouted. "Could I at least sleep in your stable?" "No!" she shouted again. The vagabond said, "Might I please...?" "What now?" the woman screeched, not allowing him to finish. "D'ye suppose," he asked, "that I might have a word with George?"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Canadian Thanksgiving
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Dear Webby: Monitor Cleaner 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 12, 2008

Middle age is when you've met so many people that every new person you meet reminds you of someone else. --- Ogden Nash The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do. --- B. F. Skinner
*Laws of Life* * Murphy's First Law for Wives: If you ask your husband to pick up five items at the store and then you add one more as an afterthought, he will forget two of the first five. * Kauffman's Paradox of the Corporation: The less important you are to the corporation, the more your tardiness or absence is noticed. * The Salary Axiom: The pay raise is just large enough to increase your taxes and just small enough to have no effect on your take-home pay. * Miller's Law of Insurance: Insurance covers everything except what happens. * First Law of Living: As soon as you start doing what you always wanted to be doing, you'll want to be doing something else. * Weiner's Law of Libraries: There are no answers, only cross-references. * Isaac's Strange Rule of Staleness: Any food that starts out hard will soften when stale. Any food that starts out soft will harden when stale. * Lampner's Law of Employment: When leaving work late, you will go unnoticed. When you leave work early, you will meet the boss in the parking lot. * The Grocery Bag Law: The candy bar you planned to eat on the way home from the market is hidden at the bottom of the grocery bag. --------------- Not at the store where I shop. If you buy a single chocolate bar, they don't slide it down to the bag boy, but hand it to you to put into your pocket.
Barbie, a waitress, decided to put her matchmaking skills to the test with our mutual friend Mike. She figured that Sandy, another friend who seemed to have much in common with Mike, would be an ideal date. One day Mike came into the restaurant when Sandy was also there. Barbie dragged Mike over to Sandy's table and introduced the two. Then she watched as Mike put his arm around the young woman and said in his best mock-seductive voice, "Hellooooh, Sandy." "You guys know each other?" Barbie asked. "We sure do," said Mike. "She's my sister."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kevin Waddington, 40, in York, England One burglary too many YORK, England (UPI) -- An English family says they stopped a burglar who was attempting to steal from their house, sitting on him until police arrived. Julie Broadway, 43, of York said she was awakened at about 2 a.m. by a sound that she initially thought was cats in the house but was revealed to be a burglar when a beam of light went past her bedroom door, the Daily Mail reported Tuesday. "I was just angry. There was someone in my house that hadn't been invited," she said. Broadway said she pursued the thief and was soon joined by her husband Glen, a 226-pound former forestry worker who dragged the burglar back into the house and sat on him until police arrived. The couple said at one point, the thief attempted to reach for a knife, but their daughter, Megan, rapped him on the knuckles with an umbrella. Kevin Waddington, 40, who has 143 previous convictions for theft, pleaded guilty in York Crown Court to burglary. His defense attorney said he had been under the influence of drugs and alcohol at the time of the incident.
An effusive client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to my veterinary clinic for inoculations and worming. She loved them so much, she couldn't keep from remarking about their cute habits. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I never realized they had to be baptized."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Kevin Re: Monitor cleaner Dear Webby Do I need to buy that expensive monitor cleaning fluid, or is there a cheaper alternative? Thanks Kevin Dear Kevin Ordinary Windex or similar glass cleaner works fine. For wiping material you can use micro-fiber cloth, old, well wornand washed T-Shirts cut into rags, anything soft like old cloth diapers or bed sheets. Paper is OK for CRT monitors, but for LCD monitors, which sometimes have soft material on the screen, you definitely should use soft and clean cloth. CRT monitors should be turned off for a while before cleaning. They use powerful electrical attraction to attract the beams of electrons from the back to the front. Some of that attraction also works to attract dirt to the front of the screen. When your Windex liquifies the dirt and the surfactant in it creeps under the dirt to lift it off, it also creeps into the microscopic craters that are etched into the glass, to make it less reflective. Best is to clean it once with just barely enough spray, to get the dirt off, and then once more with plenty of liquid, to clean out the tiny craters. Have FUN! DearWebby

During one of our weekly weight-loss classes, the group leader was extolling the merits of the program's prepared-food products. She raved about the rich, delicious flavor of the imitation chocolate fudge and the nondairy pops, assuring us that we could eat them without the least fear of ruining our diets. The woman next to me nodded her head emphatically and then whispered, "They're even better when you spread peanut butter on them!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Saving Money on Furniture Visit your local thrift stores and look for gently used furniture. Keep an open mind. A coat of paint can make many pieces of furniture look new. Even particle board furniture can be painted, just use fine sand paper to lightly scuff the surface first. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Home Improvement Tips If you are going to paint it anyway, don't let nicks, scratches and gouges deter you. Poly-Filla is cheap, and a lot harder than the original wood. Keep that in mind when sanding! Use hard backing for the sand paper. For badly worn cross braces / footrests on tables, make a sleeve from a piece of leftover carpet and attach it with snaps. Soft, fuzzy bathroom ruglets work fine too. They are cheap, and washable. You will be surprised how comfortable they are and how good they look. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man traveling in southern Indiana was headed for the Kentucky border ...when he saw a large sign... "LAST CHANCE FOR $3.25 GAS!!!" He still had more than a quarter of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill-up his tank. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The attendent replied, "$3.10..."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Vinegar - 1001 Uses
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Dear Webby: Aftermarket Printer Ink 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 11, 2008

There are 10^11 stars in the galaxy. That used to be a huge number. But it's only a hundred billion. It's less than the national deficit! We used to call them astronomical numbers. Now we should call them economical numbers. --- Richard Feynman
Ed and Ted met for the first time in twenty years. "So, how's life been for you?" Ed asked. "Not too good," Ted replied. "My first wife died of cancer, my second wife turned out to be a lesbian and ran off with another woman and took all our savings, my son's in prison for trying to kill me, my daughter got run over by a bus, my house was hit by a low flying aircraft, my vintage car rolled off the dock into the sea, I had to have my dog put down recently, my doctor says that I have an incurable disease and to cap it all my business has just gone bust." "That sounds terrible", Ed said. "What business were you in?" Ted replied, "I sold good luck charms...."
After the first week of sex education class, a young shapely teen stormed out of the room after the class was over. Encountering a female friend in the hall, the friend asked, "Lori, what in the world is the matter with you ? You look as if you're about to kill someone." "I am !!!" Lori fumed. "You just wait until I catch up with that Dennis. All summer long, that clown had me convinced that 'foreplay' was tossing a coin for position...."
Thanks to Joan for this picture on our first walk... I thought I would drop my teeth and camera and everything else... I was carrying. I really got a super thrill .. Heard him BELLOW.... and it was sooooo loud (we were across the street) After I closed my mouth I managed to get these pictures. Joan
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Randy Lewis, Sullivan County, Tennessee Man arrested after 10-year-old crashes van BLOUNTVILLE, Tenn. (UPI) -- Authorities in Sullivan County, Tenn., said a man was arrested after allegedly instructing a 10-year-old to drive his van because he was intoxicated. The Sullivan County Sheriffs Office said Randy Lewis was charged with drunk driving, reckless endangerment and child abuse after the 10-year-old boy, who was one of three children in the vehicle, crashed the Ford Windstar van at speeds exceeding 90 mph, The Smoking Gun reported Tuesday. A sheriff's office affidavit said Lewis admitted after the crash to drinking "at least 15 beers, along with some liquor." The affidavit said cocaine was found in Lewis' system and his blood alcohol content was found to be .26, more than three times the legal state limit for driving. Paula Evans, a female friend of Lewis' who was also in the vehicle, was charged with reckless endangerment and child abuse. All five occupants of the van were treated for their injuries at a local hospital. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service. "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in- Chief. I always told those guys exactly where to get off. "Wow, you must have been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rosie Re: Printer ink Dear Webby How safe is the printer ink advertised in emails? in the literature that came with my HP printer, they warn that the warranty will be void if I use any ink except theirs. Their ink is ridiculously expensive, and I either have to switch inks, or printers. What do you recommend? Rosie Dear Rosie I would not take that threat about losing your warranty too seriously. At the low cost of today's printers, it's not worth their while to have people take a broken printer apart. However, you need to be really careful with anything advertised in spam. Remember, legitimate companies don't spam. Aftermarket ink depends a lot on where you buy it. Walmart ink may be cheap, but it is not very high quality. You would not want to use that for pictures, that you want to hang up. However, it is good enough for kid's homework, that is only going to be looked at once. I recommend the ink from Atlantic Inkjet .com We have used atlantic inkjet .com ink and toner here at Webby for eight or more years, and never had any ink or toner related problem. They have very knowledgeable and friendly staff, who treat you like a friend of the family. And their prices are definitely in your favor. They ship instantly and if your order is over $45, shipping is free. Have FUN! DearWebby

Farmer Jake had a nagging wife who made his life miserable. The only real peace that he got was when he was out in the field plowing. One day when he was out in the field, Jake's wife brought his lunch to him. Then she stayed while he quietly ate and berated him with a constant stream of nagging and complaining. Suddenly, Jake's old mule kicked up his back legs, striking the wife in the head, and killing her instantly. At the wake, Jake's minister noticed that when the women offered their sympathy to Jake he would nod his head up and down. But when the men came up and spoke quietly to him, he would shake his head from side to side. When the wake was over and all the mourners had left, the minister approached Jake and asked, "Why was it that you nodded your head up and down to all the women and shook your head from side to side to all the men?" Well, Jake replied, "The women all said how nice she looked, and her dress was so pretty," so I agreed by nodding my head up and down. The men all asked, "Is that mule for sale.....!?"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning Oil from Your Garage Floor Start by soaking the oil stain with mineral spirits, found in the paint section of your hardware store. Let sit for 3 minutes, then scrub with a stiff bristled brush. After scrubbing, lay newspaper on top and let dry. Then wash with 1 cup laundry detergent, 1 cup bleach, and 1 gallon water. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cleaning Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html You can also just simply use some Zorb-All or any similar dry oil absorbent material. It is cheaper, more effective, easier on the environment, and much easier to use. Zorb-All is actualy a brand name, that has become a generic term, like Xerox or Vise Grip. In your town it may be sold under a different brand, but the people at your automotive parts store will know what you mean. Zorb-All is like kitty litter without deodorant and sparkles and high price. A bag, that will fill two or more 5 gallon buckets, usually costs $6 - $10, depending on the location. Just sprinkle a handful of Zorb-All onto the spill or stain, and move it around a bit with your foot or a broom. Move it around some more an hour later. By next morning it will have absorbed all the oil out of the concrete and you can simply sweep it up. Zorb-All is mostly just bentonite, an agressively absorbent clay. You can just toss it on a gravel driveway or path, and it will go back into the earth, where it and the oil came from. It works on water and anti-freeze spills too. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

In a high school gym class, all the girls are lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Every ten seconds, they walk toward each other exactly half the remaining distance between them. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer are asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" Mathematician: "Never." Physicist: "In an infinite amount of time." Engineer: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Museum of Art, Rhode Island
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: PDF 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 10, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Greater things are believed of those who are absent. --- Publius Cornelius Tacitus
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I called the local newspaper's classified section to complain about an ad I'd placed. It was obvious the person who took my information had never spent any time on a farm. "I said 'ewes,'" I argued. "Pardon?" replied the operator. "Ewes. It makes a difference to some people." The ad had read, "Sheep for sale: Used."
Thanks to Wendy for this: Years ago, there was an old tale in the Marine Corps about a Lieutenant who inspected his men and told the 'gunny' that they smelled bad. The Lieutenant suggested that they change their underwear. The Gunny responded, "Aye, aye, sir, I'll see to it immediately!" He went into the tent and said, "The lieutenant thinks you guys smell bad, and wants you to change your underwear. Smith, you change with Jones. McCarthy, you change with Dzwill. Brown, you change with Schultz. Get to it." The moral: A candidate may promise 'change' in Washington, but don't count on things smelling any better.
Thanks to Wade for this picture Here in North Idaho, at the 23 mile marker of hwy 57 if you look to the east you will see this iconic symbol. The kids around here call it the Dragon Tree, and I find it appropriate. I hope it stands for many years to come. Wade
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Cory Davis in Sekiu, Washington Sent in by Sandie Woman shot herself with a stove The Associated Press Published: Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 2:39 a.m. Last Modified: Thursday, October 9, 2008 at 2:42 a.m. SEKIU, Wash. A woman in Washington state says her cast-iron stove shot her in the leg. Cory Davis tells the Peninsula Daily News that she had just stoked the heating stove in her home Sunday when she heard a loud bang and was struck in her left calf. She says she initially thought "that was one fast hot coal flying at me." In fact, she was hit by part of a 22-gauge shotgun shell that she had accidentally put into the stove with newspapers she used to light it. A box of shells had spilled nearby a few weeks before. Davis says she removed the metal fragment herself Sunday and sought treatment for the shallow wound the next day.
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of auto insurance. "If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be much lower." My brother smiled and said, "Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Anita Re: write PDF files Dear Webby I want to get a flier printed at Staples, but they ask for it in PDF format. I have MS Office, but that can't write in that format. Do I have to buy the full Adobe for $900 just for that? And why is Staples asking for it in that expensive format? Anita Dear Anita PDF is a platform independent format. No matter what kind of computer people use, a PDF page looks exactly the same. That is why most print shops ask for that format. There is no need to buy the full Adobe. Just get Open Office. There is a link to it in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools It is free. With it you can pick up your MS Office files and export them to PDF format, ready to send to any print shop, and it won't cost you a penny. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Vickster for this: Mary says to her daughter, "Ever since I reached 65, I've been feeling that my body had gotten totally out of shape. So I made a big decision - I went to my doctor and got his OK to start doing some exercise. And yest- erday I went to LA Fitness and booked into their aerobics class for seniors." "That's great mom, so how did it go?" asks her daughter. "Well, for thirty minutes I sweated by bending, twisting, pulling, pushing and hopping up and down. But then, by the time I got my leotards on, the class was over."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Bacon From Curling You can help prevent bacon from curling when you fry it by dipping it in cold water before cooking it. It also helps to poke a few holes in the bacon before frying it. Visit ThriftyFun For More Food Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Food%20Tips%2 ... o_916.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A small boy walked into a police station one day and said, 'I've got three big brothers and we all live in the same room. My eldest brother has seven cats. Another one has three dogs and the third has a goat. I want you to do something about the smell.' 'Are the any windows in your room?' asked the officer. 'Yes, of course there are!' said the boy. 'Have you tried opening them?' 'What and lose all my pigeons....?'
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hubble, The Entire Collection
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: mail sending limits 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 9, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

The nice thing about egotists is that they don't talk about other people. --- Lucille S. Harper I know that you believe that you understood what you think I said, but I am not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant. --- Robert McCloskey
Thanks to Roland for this story: The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest, and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the young man asked sympathetically. "No," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate, and strawberry."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A woman asked the dog groomer, "How much to give Fifi a haircut?" "Fifty dollars." "Fifty dollars?! I only pay thirty bucks for my own haircuts." "That may be true. But then you don't bite, do you?"
Thanks to Colleen for this picture of her Mystery Flower
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Tommy Fox of Dover, Tennessee Foxed Man named Fox attacked by fox, crashes car DOVER, Tenn. (UPI) -- A Tennessee man named Tommy Fox crashed his car while contending with an attack from a real fox, whose tail he intended to cut off, authorities say. After the Dover man struck a red fox that had dashed in front of his sport utility vehicle last week, he said he thought the animal was dead so he retrieved it from the roadway, planning to cut off its tail for a souvenir, a state wildlife official told Gannett Tennessee. Fox said the animal regained consciousness in the back seat of his SUV and attacked him, causing him to lose control of the vehicle and flip it over into a ditch. Records indicated Fox was treated for minor injuries at the scene by Montgomery County, Tenn., paramedics. The fox was found dead in the vehicle, but Tennessee Wildlife Resources Agency wildlife officer Dale Grandstaff said it wasn't clear if it had died from the initial collision or from the rollover. Gannett Tennessee said it was not known if Fox got to keep the fox tail. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
Most people assume WWJD is for "What would Jesus do?". But the initials really have been changed to stand for "What would Jesus drive?". One theory is that Jesus would tool around in an old Plymouth because the Bible says, "God drove Adam and Eve out of the Garden of Eden in a Fury". But in Psalm 83, the Almighty clearly owns a Pontiac and a Geo. The passage urges the Jesus to "pursue your enemies with your Tempest and terrify them with your Storm". Perhaps God favors Dodge pickup trucks, because Moses' followers are warned not to go up a mountain "until the Ram's horn sounds a long blast". Some scholars insist that Jesus drove a Honda but didn't like to talk about it. As proof, they cite a verse in St. John's gospel where Christ tells the crowd, "For I did not speak of my own Accord..." Meanwhile, Moses rode an old British motorcycle, as evidenced by a Bible passage declaring that "the roar of Moses' Triumph is heard in the hills". Joshua drove a Triumph sports car with a hole in its muffler: "Joshua's Triumph was heard throughout the land". And, following Jesus' lead, the Apostles car pooled in a Honda... "The Apostles were in one Accord".
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joan Re: mail sending limits Dear Webby I send a free newsletter to friends and subscribers, but no matter what ISP I try, they all either kick me out or insist that I get additional dial-up accounts. That is getting quite expensive. What ISP do you use? Joan Dear Joan My ISP is Telus, but I don't use their email. It is not reliable enough for business purposes, and they use some outgoing mail filtering that is so insane, it even filters their own support emails. If I tell somebody how to get rid of a virus, they censor it. For email I use an address on a Webby server. For newsletters I use the MagicList that I mentioned yesterday. You shouldn't really use regular email for sending to more than 50 people at a time. ISPs are not set up for that. Web servers are. Considering that a sub-domain web site is only $2.50, a LOT less than an extra dial-up account, it would be silly to continue doing it the hard way. Running a web site is not rocket science. If the millions of kids on Geocities and places like that can do it, so can you. Keep in mind that a regular web site is a lot easier to run than the cruelly restricted rigmaroles on Myspace, Facebook and places like that, and you don't have to put up with ads. The only real challenge is figuring out what you want to say and show on your site. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two elderly women were trying on shoes in our store. When I slipped a shoe onto one woman's foot, the end of my tie got caught beneath her heel. Unaware of my predicament, she stood up and started toward the mirror. For a few seconds, I found myself crawling along the floor beside her, trying to get her attention. "Look, Martha," her friend said. "he wants to go home with you!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Homemade Dry Shampoo This works well for cleaning your hair when you can't get wet. Mix 1/2 cup cornmeal and 1 tablespoon salt and put it in a shaker. Sprinkle some of it onto your hair and brush it out. As you brush it, it will remove oil and dirt from your hair. Visit ThriftyFun For More Beauty Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Beauty_1229.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Driving my friend Bill and his girlfriend to the airport, I passed a billboard showing a bikini-clad beauty holding a can of beer. Bill's girlfriend glanced up at it and said, "I suppose if I drank a six-pack of that brand, I'd look like her." "No," Bill corrected, "If I drank a six-pack, you'd look like her."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Cool military pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Undisclosed recipients 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 8, 2008

Confusion is always the most honest response. --- Marty Indik Lawyers spend a great deal of their time shoveling smoke. --- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr.
Thanks to Ross for bringing back this classic: A drunken man, who smelled like gin, sat down on a subway seat next to a priest. The man's tie was stained, his face was plastered with red lipstick, and a half-empty bottle of gin was sticking out of his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. After a few minutes the man turned to the priest and asked, 'Say, Father, what causes arthritis?' 'My son, it's caused by loose living; being with cheap, wicked women; too much alcohol; a contempt for your fellow man, sleeping around with prostitutes and lack of an occasional bath.' 'Well, I'll be damned,' the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The priest, thinking about what he had said, nudged the man and apologized. 'I'm very sorry. I didn't mean to come on so strong. How long have you had arthritis?' 'I don't have it, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does.'
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Kurt was going out with a nice girl and finally popped the question. "Will you marry me, darling?" he asked. Lisa smiled coyly and said, "Yes, if you'll buy me a mink." Kurt thought for a moment and then replied, "Okay, it's a deal, but on one condition." "What's that?" Lisa asked. "You'll have to clean the cage," Kurt replied.
Young Love
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Gabriela and Patrizia Odisio in Vigevano, Italy Double trouble Twin sisters are being prosecuted after one posed as her lawyer sibling while the other was sitting as a judge. Solicitor Gabriela Odisio found herself double booked as both a judge and an advocate on the same day - so asked her identical twin to stand in for the court hearing. Twin Patrizia - who has a law degree but is not qualified - and her sister kept the deception working for three years swapping between courts in Vigevano and Rho in northern Italy. Meanwhile the pair clocked up a fortune in double fees. No one noticed what the pair were up to and the scam was only uncovered when one of Gabriela's clients overheard her and her sister discussing their plans. A police source said: "They were absolutely identical and knew everything about each other's lives and colleagues so they managed to fool everyone." Now the pair - both 50 - are being prosecuted for making false statements about their qualifications and deceiving clients.
Thanks to Roland for this story: My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in, followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dixie Re: Undisclosed recipients Dear Webby You once told me how to hide all the addresses when sending mail to many people. That worked fine, as long as it was just for fun. However, it grew into a business, and now it is a bit embarrassing when the mails show "Undisclosed recipients". How do I hide that, the way you do with your newsletters? Thanks Dixie Dear Dixie I ran across the same problem in '94, and so we wrote a newsletter program. You can run as many different newsletters with it and it has proper sign-up forms for each. AND it has the now required double-opt-in confirmation request emails, that ensure that nobody signs up with somebody else's address. Since 94, of course it has been steadily improved and has a lot of features that make professional mailing a lot easier or even fully automatic. We have one client who does a lot of traveling, so she set her newsletter to automatic about 10 years ago. She has a page that automatically changes over 20 postcards to the card of the day, and her newsletter sends out that page every night, no matter where she happens to be cruising around. Naturally, a program like that is not free. There are similar ones that cost hundreds of dollars or a monthly fee. Ours used to be that expensive too, but over the years we have steadily reduced the cost and it is now just $79. Have FUN! DearWebby

You know you're in trouble when you hire private contractors to build your house and they send out a crew like these guys. Some men in a pickup truck drove into a lumberyard. One of the guys walked in the office and said, "We need some four-by-twos." The clerk said, "You mean two-by-fours, don't you?" The man said, "I'll go check," and went back to the truck. He returned in a minute and said, "Yeah, I meant two-by-fours." "Alright. How long do you need them?" The guy paused and thought about the question for a minute. "I'd better go check," he said. After awhile, the guy returned to the office and said, "A long time. We're gonna build a house."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freeze Pantyhose to Make Them Last First get the pantyhose wet, gently ring them out put them in the freezer overnight. Once frozen, pull them out slowly and hang to them to dry. You can also spray pantyhose lightly with a spray starch to help prevent runs. Visit ThriftyFun For More Clothing Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Clothing_1220.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

"How many customers did you serve today?" the manager asked. "One." "Only one." "How much was the sale?" "$58,334.00" Flabbergasted the manager asked him to explain. The boy said, "First I sold the man a fishhook. Then I sold him a rod and a reel. Then I asked him where he was planning to fish, and he replied down the coast. So I suggested he'd need a boat - he bought that six-metre motor boat. When he said his car might not be able to pull it, I took him to the auto department and sold him a big pick-up truck." The amazed boss asked, "You sold all that to a guy who came in for a fishhook?" "No," the salesman replied. "He actually came in for a bottle of aspirin for his wife's migraine. I told him, your weekend's shot. You are probably safer if you go fishing."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Animals, All Kinds of 'em
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: How to get rid of Yahoo Tool Bar 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 7, 2008

Entrepreneurs are simply those who understand that there is little difference between obstacle and opportunity and are able to turn both to their advantage. --- Niccolo Machiavelli:
Thanks to Sandie for this story: I was waiting tables in a noisy lobster restaurant in Maine when a vacationing Southerner stumped me with a drink order. I approached the bartender. "Have you ever heard of a drink called Seven Young Blondes?" I asked. He admitted he'd never heard of it and grabbed a drink guidebook to look it up. Unable to find the recipe, he then asked me to go back and tell the patron that he'd be happy to make the drink if he could list the ingredients for him. "Sir," I asked the customer, "can you tell me what's in that drink?" He looked at me like I was crazy. "It's wine," he said, pronouncing his words carefully. "Sauvignon blanc."
At a party, a woman walked up to Calvin Coolidge and said, "My husband bet me I couldn't get three words out of you." Coolidge replied "You lose."
They found your ex!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathon Guabello, 29, of Ft Myers, Florida Man shot self after he was refused sex FORT MYERS, Fla. (UPI) -- Authorities said a Fort Myers, Fla., man was arrested after he allegedly shot himself in the arm because his girlfriend refused to have sex. Jonathon Guabello, 29, was treated for the gunshot wound and then booked into the Lee County Jail on charges of threatening violence and firing a weapon in an occupied dwelling, the Fort Myers News-Press reported. Guabello's 24-year-old girlfriend said the suspect had been under the influence of Xanax and alcohol when he became enraged at her refusal of his sexual overtures. She said she took her dog with her into a spare bedroom and she heard two gunshots several minutes later. The girlfriend said Guabello told her he would kill her if she dialed 911, and then stumbled into the kitchen where he was knocked unconscious when he tripped and hit his head on the oven door. Lee County Sheriff's deputies said Guabello had incurred two gunshot wounds to his arm. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
The mother of a problem child was advised by a psychiatrist, "You are far too upset and worried about your son. I am going to give you a prescription for some tranquillizers that I want you to start taking regularly." On her next visit the psychiatrist asked, "Have the tranquilizers calmed you down any?" "Oh, yes," the mother answered. "They do wonders for me!" "And how is your son now?" he asked. "Who cares?!" she replied.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Darlene Re: Getting rid of Yahoo tool bar Dear Webby I don't know how but somehow I keep getting the Yahoo Toolbar up on my screen and I despise it. How can I get rid of it permanently? Thanks for all the great advice and the humour every day. Darlene Dear Darlene go to your control panel select add/remove program and scroll down till you see the yahoo toolbar listing. Left click on it and it will ask you if you want to delete/change that program Click yes That gets rid of the silly nuisance. Have FUN! DearWebby

An explorer was leading an entourage through the Amazon jungle when they heard the sounds of drums. At the next village, the leader stopped a native and asked him to explain their meaning. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said before running off. The drum beating continued to pulsate. The safari leader asked another native about it. "Bad, real bad when drums stop!" he said. A few minutes later the drums did stop, and all the expedition members became panicked. The leader grabbed another villager and demanded to know the situation... "Bad, real bad that drums stop," he blurted. "Now comes bass solo!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sanding Wood When sanding a piece of wood you can use an old nylon to check the smoothness of the wood. Slip the nylon over you hand and slide your hand over the piece of wood. Anywhere that the nylon snags needs more sanding. Visit ThriftyFun For More Home Improvement Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Home%20Improvement_574.html When sanding end grain, like the top ends of chair legs, use a file or very hard backing behind the sand paper, or paint the ends with filler/sealer. Otherwise, with some woods you will never get the ends perfectly smooth. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

A drill sergeant had just chewed out a new recruit. At the end of his rant he said, "I guess when I die you'll come and dance on my grave." The kid said, "Not me, Sarge. I promised myself that when I got out of the Army, I'll never stand in line again."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Virtual parks
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: SP3 Infection attempt 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 6, 2008

The discipline of desire is the background of character. --- John Locke It is dangerous for a national candidate to say things that people might remember. --- Eugene McCarthy
Two women were in a restaurant and ordered fish. The waiter brought dish with two fish, one larger than the other. One of the women said to the other, "Please help yourself." The other one said "Okay", and helped herself to the larger fish. After a tense silence, the first one said, "really, now, if you had offered me the first choice, I would have taken the smaller fish!" The other one replied, "What are you complaining about? You do have have the smaller one, don't you...?"
"Occupational Descriptions..." An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing. An auditor is someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded. A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining and wants it back the minute it begins to rain. (Mark Twain) An economist is an expert who will know tomorrow why the things he predicted yesterday didn't happen today. A statistician is someone who is good with numbers but lacks the personality to be an accountant. An actuary is someone who brings a fake bomb on a plane, because that decreases the chances that there will be another bomb on the plane. A programmer is someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand. A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there. A topologist is a man who doesn't know the difference between a coffee cup and a doughnut. A lawyer is a person who writes a 10,000 word document and calls it a "brief." A psychologist is a man who watches everyone else when a beautiful girl enters the room. A professor is one who talks in someone else's sleep. A schoolteacher is a disillusioned woman who used to think she liked children. A consultant is someone who takes the watch off your wrist and tells you the time. A diplomat is someone who can tell you to go to hell in such a way that you will look forward to the trip.
Thanks to Joe for this picture Good morning, Attached is a Rocky Mountain Elk if you would care to use it in your news letter. I read your news letter each morning, great way to start the day, thank for your time end work, Joe
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ronald Richard Berkan, 48, of Portland, Oregon Jail for mailman who sold pot in uniform PORTLAND, Ore. (UPI) -- A former mail carrier in Oregon has been sentenced to 18 months in jail for selling marijuana while on the job. Ronald Richard Berkan, 48, was given the jail sentence, which is scheduled to begin in December, after he pleaded guilty to distribution of marijuana to an underage person, The (Portland) Oregonian reported Wednesday. His arrest followed an 11-month investigation by the Drug Enforcement Administration and the Office of Inspector General of the U.S. Postal Service that was launched after a bartender reported a uniformed mail carrier selling marijuana in 2006. Berkan, who resigned from the Postal Service after pleading guilty in April, was videotaped via a camera planted in his mail truck. Investigators said Berkan appeared to sell marijuana to 10 people on the tape, but the video could not verify that he was selling the drug. John Deits, an assistant U.S. attorney, said Berkan was identified by a 19-year-old who told police he had been buying marijuana from a U.S. Postal Service worker. The teenager said he had been buying the drug from Berkan for at least two years.
Here is an explanation of the school homework policy: Students should not spend more than 90 minutes per night. This time should be budgeted in the following manner: 15 minutes looking for assignment. 11 minutes calling a friend for the assignment. 23 minutes explaining why the teacher is mean and just does not like children. 8 minutes in the bathroom. 10 minutes getting a snack. 7 minutes checking the TV Guide. 6 minutes telling parents that the teacher never explained the assignment. 10 minutes sitting at the kitchen table waiting for Mom or Dad to do the assignment.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Carolyn Re: More SP3 invasion attempts Dear Webby Webby, each day I have a note on my task bar saying I have updates to download. When I check, it is always for that crazy SP-3 which I do not want. How can I get rid of that annoying screen??? Will that go on forever? Thanks - always appreciate your help and enjoy your newsletter! Carolyn Dear Carolyn Just another Microsoft SNAFU. 1) Make sure you got the SP3 blocker installed, preferably in c:\Windows Installed, not just saved to there. 2) Step part way into that update 3) Select CUSTOM, not Express 4) In the next screen, take the checkmark OFF the line that shows SP3 5) Put a checkmark onto the line about remembering your decision 6) Hit OK. After that, it should stop trying to slither SP3 onto your computer. Have FUN! DearWebby

On some air bases, the military is on one side of the field and civilian aircraft use the other side of the field, with the control tower in the middle. One day, on just such a field, the tower received a call from an aircraft asking, "What time is it?" The tower responded, "Who is calling?" The aircraft replied, "What difference does it make?" The tower replied, "It makes a lot of difference. If you are a commercial airlines flight, it is 3 o'clock. If you are an Air Force aircraft, it is 1500 hours. If you are a Navy aircraft, it is 6 bells. If you are an Army aircraft, it's about 5 hours till sunset. If you are a Marine Corps aircraft, it's Thursday afternoon. If you are in the National Guard, it's still a couple of hours too early for Happy Hour at the airport bar."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Candles from Tilting Before putting candles into a candle holder or candle stick, melt some wax and drip it in the bottom of the holder. Then place the candle into the holder. Once the wax dries it will help prevent the candles from falling out of the holder. Visit ThriftyFun For More Better Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Better%20Living_1303.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by an usher. The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety." Failing to observe the punctuation, he startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Eateries
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Disable Caps Lock 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 5, 2008

There's always somebody who is paid too much, and taxed too little - and it's always somebody else. --- Cullen Hightower Thou shall't not weigh more than Thy refrigerator, and Thy butt shall not be wider than Thy barbecue! --- Socratex
A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!" His wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money, I wouldn't be here."
A husband said to his wife, "No, I don't hate your relatives. In fact, I like your mother-in-law better than I like mine."
Thanks to Marianna for this picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to parents of a 7 year old weirdo in Alice Springs, Australia Sent in by Walter Boy fed zoo reptiles to crocodile A seven-year-old boy has been filmed going on the rampage at a popular zoo in Australia, killing rare reptiles and feeding live ones to a crocodile. Footage from the security cameras at Alice Springs Reptile Centre caught the child smiling as he killed a total of 13 animals. During his 30-minute spree, he was seen hurling the animals over the security fence into the crocodile enclosure. Zoo officials described the boy's actions as "unbelievable". They are considering suing the parents as the boy is too young to be prosecuted.
A couple came upon a wishing well. The husband leaned over, made a wish and threw in a penny. The wife decided to make a wish, too. But she leaned over too much, fell into the well, and drowned. The husband was stunned, but then smiled, "Wow! It really works!"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re:Disable Caps Lock Dear Webby Is there a way to disable the Caps Lock key, that does not require me to remember some weird key combination or program name? I got Oldtimer's and can't remember silly stuff like that, especially when I don't even remember the last time I needed to turn the Caps Lock on. Thanks Erin Dear Erin Whenever I get a new keyboard, I take a screwdriver or tea spoon, and pry the silly Caps Lock key cap off. Then I trim the underside of it flush, so that the little center part doesn't stick out farther than the rim of the key cap, and fill the underside flush with epoxy. When that has hardened, I glue it onto a fax machine or onto the coin operated copier at Walmart. If an occasion ever arises, when I would need the Caps Lock key, I can esily activate it with a pen. Have FUN! DearWebby

This just in from Louisiana: Associated Press, New Orleans, LA Latest news reports advise that a cell of 4 terrorists have been operating in New Orleans, Louisiana Police advised earlier today that 3 of the 4 had been detained. The Police Commissioner stated that the terrorists Bin Sleepin, Bin Drinkin and Bin Fightin have been arrested on immigration issues. The Police advise further that they can find no one fitting the description of the fourth cell member, Bin Workin, in the area. Police are confident that anyone who looks like Workin will be very easy to spot in the community.

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sliding Furniture This is a tip for sliding furniture across floors that you don't wish to damage. Save cardboard milk cartons and cut the top of off four of them. Then slip a milk carton bottom under each leg of the furniture. Visit ThriftyFun For More Moving Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Organizing_Mo ... 9_693.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

The teacher in Johnny's school asked the class what their parents did for a living. "Mary, what does your parents do?" Lil' Mary replied "My dad is a lawyer and my mummy is a nurse." "Thats very nice," said the teacher, "Robert, what do your parents do?" Robert proudly exclaimed ,"My dad is a policeman and my mom is a teacher!" "Thats very nice," said the teacher , "Johnny, what do your parents do?" He stood up and pronounced, "My dad's dead and my mom's a hooker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Fifteen minutes later, he returned. "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" asked the teacher. Johnny replied, "Yes, he said that in our economy every job is important, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Aetna Photo Gallery
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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Dear Webby: Is Earthlink still recommendable? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 4, 2008

We can't all be heroes because somebody has to sit on the curb and clap as they go by. --- Will Rogers You live and learn. At any rate, you live. --- Douglas Adams
Thanks to Cookie for this story: Saturday morning I got up early, dressed quietly, made my lunch, grabbed the dog, slipped quietly into the garage to hook the boat up to the truck, and proceeded to back out into a torrential downpour. The wind was blowing 50 mph. I pulled back into the garage, turned on the radio, and discovered that the weather would be bad throughout the day. I went back into the house, quietly undressed, and slipped back into bed. There I cuddled up to my wife's back, now with a different anticipation, and whispered, 'The weather out there is terrible.' My loving wife of 20 years, snuggled back into me and replied, 'Can you believe my stupid husband is out fishing in that sh**?' I still don't know to this day if she was joking, but I've stopped fishing.
Thanks to Rubye for bringing back this delightful classic: This is a true story, proving how fascinating the mind of a six year old is. They think so logically. A teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where first pig was trying to gather the building materials for his home. She read . 'and so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?' The teacher paused then asked the class: 'And what do you think the man said?' One little boy raised his hand and said very matter-of-factly .... "I think the man said - 'Well, I'll be damned!! A talking pig!' " The teacher had to leave the room.
Thanks to Guinn for this picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police Chief Scott MacMaster and selectmen of the town council of greenville, Maine Sent in by Ross Sniveling Ninnies win There's no such thing as a free lunch anymore for Black Frog Restaurant patrons nervy enough to run down a dock and plunge naked into Moosehead Lake. Owner Leigh Turner decided Thursday to stop giving out a free Skinny Dip sandwich - that's thinly sliced prime rib on a baguette - for a skinny dip after the town board voted to deny his liquor license renewal application. In their decision the night before, selectmen in the popular tourist town noted that they would have had no problem granting the license if the promotion ended for the $10.95 sandwich. Thus, said Turner, dropping the deal was a no-brainer. "Au jus" wins out over "au naturel." He had said last year that he had two or three takers a week, and no frontal nudity was exposed to customers. But police said they had gotten several complaints, and three people received summonses for indecent conduct. They have pleaded not guilty. Authorities noted that stories about the Skinny Dip had circulated worldwide, and the indecency charge is a misdemeanor, like disorderly conduct. Police Chief Scott MacMaster said he would recommend any establishment lose its liquor license for illegal goings-on. According to the Black Frog's Web site, its sandwiches also include The Chicken That Didn't Make it Across the Road, and one of the house rules is "No food fights unless specifically authorized by your server."
A gentleman was moving from one house to another, a couple streets away. Observing the care-free way in which the moving crew yanked his furniture about, he decided to move his prized grandfather's clock himself. Taking the antique in his arms he started for the new house. But the clock was almost as tall as its owner, and he had to put it down every few feet and rest his arms. After half an hour of these exertions he was just about there, when one of the locals happened to walk out of the corner bar. Watching the man with the clock for a few moments he walked up to him and said in an unsteady voice, "Mister, can I asch you a queschion?" "What is it?" demanded the man. "Why 'n hell donchoo carry a wadsch?"
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mayana Re: Is Earthlink still OK? Dear Webby You used to write quite favorably about Earthlink. Lately, though, I heard a lot of bad news about them, especially their DSL and their bad customer service. What's the update on Earthlink? What do you recommend? Mayana Dear Mayana Old earthlink dial-up accounts, that don't require any support, still work fine. New accounts, especially DSL, seem to be chaotic. Part of that is due to the Taliban order takers. Part of the problem is that Earthlink contracts out the local DSL connections to the lowest bidder in your town. Sometimes the lowest bidder is not a good choice, and possibly the one, whom you just told to stuff his service where the sun don't shine, because he is just not good enough. Another part of the problem is the Taliban support. They are not able to fix anything, since they are in Pakistan or thereabouts. All they can do is try to blame the problem on you and/or confuse you with their lack of knowledge and poor English. They don't have access to areas where one could straighten out an account. In summary, lately there have been only bad news about Earthlink. My recommendation is to use a local DSL provider, BUT, do NOT let them talk you into a long term contract! Some of them are as sneaky and devious as AT&T or Telus, and you may have to raise your voice and use strong language. If necessary, tell the con artists, that you will be leaving the state. Whatever it takes, avoid anything longer than 3 months. Once you are connected, if you have problems, you can call the local provider and talk in plain English, and you can easily explain, that you have a 16" cast iron frying pan and PMS. In the rare case, where that does not help, at least you will lose only a short contract obligation. Most local DSL providers are reasonably good nowadays, and you usually get about 75% of what you pay for, the same as with the big national providers. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man approached a very beautiful woman in the large supermarket and asked, "You know, I've lost my wife here in the supermarket. Can you talk to me for a couple of minutes?" "Why? How would that help?" "Because every time I talk to a beautiful woman, my wife appears out of nowhere within seconds."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Calendar Puzzles A fun way to reuse old calendars that have nice pictures is to glue each picture to a piece of cardboard. Then cut the cardboard and picture into puzzle pieces. Visit ThriftyFun For More Green Living Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Green%20Living_441.html MisterArt.com and others sell blank jigsaw puzzles, stampd from smooth, white, paintable cardboard. 8.5" by 11" is usually under $5. For gluing calendar pictures, or pictures that you printed, onto the puzzle, use a dry glue stick. The good old UHU color stick is best. It goes on purple, so that you see which areas you missed, and later dries clear. They are about a Dollar per stick. Puzzles with your own, printed pictures make excellent gifts. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

The congregation of a small stone church decided that the stone, which formed the step up to the front door had become too worn by its years of use, and would have to be replaced. Unfortunately, there were hardly any funds available for the replacement. Then someone came up with the bright idea that the replacement could be postponed for many years by simply turning the block of stone over. They discovered that their great-grandparents had beaten them to it.
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: News Pictures
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: Fuzzy in the dark 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 3, 2008
Today is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Most human beings have an almost infinite capacity for taking things for granted. --- Aldous Huxley The danger is not that a particular class is unfit to govern. Every class is unfit to govern. --- Lord Acton
It's Armageddon and everyone on earth dies and are waiting outside the gates for judgement. God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines. One line is for the men that dominated their women on earth and the other line is for the men that were dominated by their women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter." With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that were dominated by their women was 1000's of miles long, and in the line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man. God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves. I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates. Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud. Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the only one in this line?" And the man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
An English Clergyman turned to a Scotchman and asked : "What would you be if you were not Scot?" The Scotchman said: "Why, an Englishman, of course!" Then the clergyman turned to a gentleman from Ireland and asked him: "And what would you be were you not an Irishman?" The man thought a moment and said: "I'd be ashamed of meself!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Sent in by Ross Stolen cash used to pay fine INYOKERN, Calif. (UPI) -- Police in Inyokern, Calif., say five men were charged with stealing up to $8,000 from the walls of a restaurant after one used the bills to pay a court fine. Investigators said one of the alleged thieves used 10 bills, which had been marked by Homestead customers before being tacked to the restaurant's wall, to pay a fine and the money was recognized by a clerk, the Los Angeles Times reported Tuesday. Police said they have recovered about $1,000 of the money that once decorated the walls of the Homestead. "Part of the place's charm was all the old bills, all the memories," said Michael Scott, senior deputy in the Kern County sheriff's office. "Everybody in town knew exactly where they came from." Officers said one of the alleged thieves also was found to have Homestead thumbtacks stuck in the sole of one of his shoes. --------------- The Homestead has been closed and for sale for about two years. It is a bit out of town with no neighbors close by, but used to be quite popular until it closed.
A man was filling out a job application. When he came to the question, "Have you ever been arrested?" he wrote, "No." The next question, intended for people who had answered in the affirmative to the previous question, was "Why?" The applicant answered it anyway: "Never got caught."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Elaine Re: Fuzzy when dark Dear Webby My camera takes nice and sharp pictures when it is bright out, but in the morning or evening, they get very fuzzy. Is there a setting that I need to change? Thanks Elaine Dear Elaine Your camera probably has a very small lens. To get enough light for a picture, it keeps the shutter open longer. Few, if any, photographers can hold the camera absolutely steady for more than a third of a second. The fuzz that you see is from slight shakes or jitters. You can either get a camera with a larger lens, or use something to steady the camera. Good tripods are fairly expensive and cost twice as much as a medium quality camera. However, they make even a cheap camera perform like an expensive pro camera. There is one cheap camera support, that you can make yourself. Get a worn out leather purse or leather jacket at a yard sale, and convert it into a little pillow. A kid's jacket sleeve is ideal. Suede or well scuffed leather is best. Shiny fake leather is useless. Fill the pillow with sand, but not too full. It needs to be still soft, so that you can nestle and wiggle the camera on it, and quickly point it where you want. You can use that sand pillow on a car roof or rock or fence post or just about anywhere. For best results, use the self-timer, set to go off in one second, click the camera and stand back. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two good Catholic boys passed an Episcopalian minister. At the sight of the reversed collar, one of them automatically said, "Hello, Father." The other boy elbowed him in the ribs. "He's no father, you dummy," said the second youth, "He's married and got three kids!"

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wine Stains on Washable Fabrics If you spill wine, blot it immediately with a clean piece of cloth and sponge the area with cool water or club soda. If needed, put salt on the stain and pour very hot water through the stain. Once the stain is weakened, wash the clothing normally with detergent. Visit ThriftyFun For More Cleaning Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Cleaning_296.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

A preacher of the old school was describing the events of Judgment Day and, of course, he used Biblical phraseology whenever he could. "Oh, my friends," he intoned, "imagine the suffering of the sinners as they find themselves cast into the outer darkness, removed from the presence of the Lord and given to eternal flames. My friends, at such a time there will be weeping, wailing and a great gnashing of teeth!" At this point, one of the elders of the congregation inter- rupted to say, "But Reverend, what if one of those hopeless sinners has no teeth?" The preacher crashed his fist on the pulpit, "My friends, the Lord is not put out by details. Rest assured...teeth will be provided!"
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: 3D Street Art
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: AOL Hometown and FTP closing 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 2, 2008
Tomorrow is Friday. Time to wear something red
to show your support for the troops.

Nothing is particularly hard if you divide it into small jobs. --- Henry Ford One of the advantages of being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries. --- A. A. Milne
After interviewing a particularly short-spoken job candidate, I described the person to my boss as rather monosyllabic. My boss said, "Really? Where is Monosyllabia?" Thinking that he was just kidding, I played along and said that it was just south of Elbonia. He replied, "Oh, you mean over by Croatia?"
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night, look at the moon." The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun." Both started arguing for a while when they come upon another drunk walking so they stopped him. "Sir, could you please help settle our argument? Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining. Is it the moon or the sun?" The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Scho Schorry, I don't live around here."
Thanks to Ed for this picture
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police in Leeds, England Stolen and re-stolen Seized video games taken from police depot LEEDS, England (UPI) -- Police in Leeds, England, said thieves broke into a secure police depot and made off with more than $1 million in video games that had been seized the same day. Investigators said seven pallets of games -- which included 16,000 copies of "Brothers in Arms: Hell's Highway" for the PlayStation 3 -- were stolen from a truck while the driver was resting, The Daily Telegraph reported. Officers spotted falsified license plates on the truck being used by the thieves and it was impounded along with the video games. However, before the truck and games could be tested for fingerprints and DNA, it was stolen from the police depot. The truck was later found abandoned -- and empty -- in a Bradley, England, parking lot. "We are pursuing a number of lines of inquiry, including eBay transactions where a number of the games have been potentially identified as being advertised for sale. Arrests have already been made in respect of this," a police spokesman said. A spokesman for video game creator Ubi Soft said the company is working to replace the stolen games. Copyright 2008 by United Press International
A co-worker was telling us about her sister who was coming to visit her for the holidays. Someone asked how old her sister was, at which she paused, thought for a bit, and then answered, "She's half as old as I am, that's how I always remember." So someone else (okay, it was me) said, "That's neat... So every year that you age, she only ages half a year?" My co-worker thought about that, and then said, "Oh, yeah, I guess it only works on even years." Math is not her strong point.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re:AOL Hometown and FTP closing Dear Webby Do you have any idea about the attaached I received this morning? thanx, Jerry Dear AOL Hometown/FTP user, We’re sorry to inform you that on Oct. 31, 2008, AOL® Hometown and FTP will be shut down permanently. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause..........(long and dangerous looking links) Dear Jerry Yes, they are indeed shutting down. While I would never click on weird links like in that email, especially if AOL is involved, they do mention it on their site: http://www.peopleconnectionblog.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby

A young woman is visiting her parents. While helping her mother fix dinner, she opens the refrigerator. On the inside of the door, she sees a risque picture of a lovely, slender, perfectly built and scantily-clad young woman. "What's this about, Mom?" she asks. "Oh, I put that up there to remind me not to overeat," the mother answers. "Is it working?" her daughter asks. "Yes and no," the mother says. "I've lost 15 pounds, but your dad has gained 20."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Charging and Start Using Cash Retire your credit cards, set up a budget and start paying with cash. Many people think "I'll pay it off later" or "I'm already in debt". They keep using credit cards for everyday expenses so they don't feel broke and don't have to change their spending patterns. Visit Thrifty Fun For More Credit Card Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Budget%20and% ... 2_452.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting the weather for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Mums without Pops
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
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Dear Webby: PowerPoint Update 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 1, 2008

It is health that is real wealth and not pieces of gold and silver." --- Mahatma Gandhi Tragedy is when I cut my finger. Comedy is when you fall into an open sewer. ---Mel Brooks.
The stern faced Personnel Manager told an applicant that they needed an individual who is completely responsible. "I sure qualify, then," replied the applicant. "Everywhere I've worked, whenever something went wrong, I was responsible."
A woman holding a baby walks into a drug store and asks the clerk if she can use the store's baby scale. "Sorry, ma'am," says the clerk. "Our baby scale is broken. But we can figure the baby's weight if we weigh mother and baby together on the adult scale, and then weigh the mother alone, and subtract the second number from the first." "Oh, that won't work," says the woman. "Why not?" asks the clerk. "Because," she answers, "I'm not the mother - I'm the aunt."
Not often that you see a dark waterfall! The sun is reflecting off the river above and below the fall. I snuck off for a couple hours today to take some fall pix, and drove up to Sheep Falls. 16 more pictures are at my dad's site at Dawna.com
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michelle Allen of Middletown, Ohio Sent in by Walter Disudderly conduct MIDDLETOWN -- A Middletown woman is accused of being disorderly in public -- while wearing a cow suit. A police report filed about the incident said Michelle Allen allegedly chased children in her neighborhood while wearing the suit on Monday evening. Allen also urinated on a neighbor's front porch, the report said, and was warned by officers to go home and stay there. Allen was charged with disorderly conduct after an officer found her causing traffic problems on North Verity Parkway. The officer's report stated that Allen was verbally abusive to him on the trip to jail and smelled of alcohol. The report did not speculate as to why Allen was wearing the cow suit. Picture of Michelle Allen in cow suit
A man decides to take the opportunity, while his wife is away, to paint the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is distraught about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts on a large overcoat and they go. When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything like this before?" "Well yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rae Re:PowerPoint update problem Dear Webby; How I relate to the frustration Mike is experiencing with the Power Point up-date! Everytime I boot up, a notice comes on that the update is available. When I click to run it, I'm told it was unable to be installed. When I shut down, it says an update is being installed and the computer will turn off when complete. This has been going on for days. I do not have Microsoft Office on my computer. Any suggestions? Thanks so much for all you do and give. Also, thank your dad for all the wonderful pictures of his cacti flowers. Rae Dear Rae Just a typical Microsoft SNAFU. Sounds like you got PPT 2003 You will have to UN-install that. Then get PPT 2007 from Microsoft and install that. Or get Open Office. It is free, and better than Microsoft Office. It has a PowerPoint Viewer /Editor included, that is a generation ahead of Microsoft Power Point Viewer. The link to Open Office is in my toolbox Have FUN! DearWebby

I was inspecting communications facilities in Alaska. I was a bit nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow covered area. The pilot descended to about 15 feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said. As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seatmate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."

The Express Empress and her Outlook Express tips are on a separate blog at http://fire-cat.com/blog/ Email to the Express Empress at 081001@fire-cat.com, and she will post it into the blog for you.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protecting Your Remote Control If you have kids you can prevent gooey and dirty hands from gumming up your remote control by placing it in a ziplock bag. They can still see the controls but can't gum up the buttons. Visit ThriftyFun For More Helpful Parenting Tips http://www.thriftyfun.com/Parenting_1180.html Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:Share & Compare Your MPG

Jim had an awful day fishing, sitting on the lake all day without a single bite. On his way home, he stopped at the supermarket and ordered four catfish. He told the fish salesman, "Pick out the four largest ones and throw them at me, will you?" "Ok. But, why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
Thanks to Dianne for today's Bonus Link: Hadrian's Wall
ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!
Well, , that's all for today. Have FUN ! Dear Webby from Webby.com





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