How do I find my IP number? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 15, 2009

Prediction is very difficult, especially if it's about the future. --- Nils Bohr Though no one can go back and make a brand new start, anyone can start from now and make a brand new ending. --- Carl Bard You probably wouldn't worry about what people think of you if you could know how seldom they do. --- Olin Miller
A policeman pulled a female driver over and asked to see her license. After looking it over, he said to her, "Lady, it stipulates here on your license that you should be wearing glasses." "Well, I have contacts," the woman replied. "Look lady, I don't care who you know," snapped the officer. "You're getting a ticket."
Thanks to Sandie for this story: To help a friend lose weight, I told her that she should switch to lower-fat foods, including skim milk. When she said her family would drink only whole milk, I suggested that she keep their regular container and refill it with skim milk. This worked for quite a while, until her daughter asked one morning whether the milk was okay. "Sure, it's fine," my friend answered, fearing she had been found out. "Why do you ask?" The daughter explained, "Well, according to the expiration date, this milk expired two years ago!"

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 22-year-old journalism student in Germany Train drags mooner A German man mooning at railway staff in a departing train got his trousers caught in a carriage door and ended up being dragged half naked along the platform, out of the station and onto the tracks. The 22-year-old journalism student shoved his backside against the window of a low-slung double-decker train when staff forced him off in Lauenbrueck for travelling without a ticket, a spokesman for police in the northern city of Bremen said. "It's a miracle he wasn't badly hurt," the spokesman said on Monday. "This sort of thing can end up killing you." Instead, dangling by his trousers, the man got pulled along for about 200 metres, all the while managing to keep his legs away from the wheels of the train. The ordeal ended when a passenger pulled the emergency brake. Rescue services were called in, causing rail services between Bremen and Hamburg to be suspended for over an hour, delaying 23 trains. The man -- unharmed except for cuts and bruises -- now faces charges of dangerous interference in rail transport, insulting the train staff, and may face sizeable a compensation claim for the delays he caused, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marian Re: IP adress Dear Webby, I am visiting my sister and her idiot ISP won't let me use my own, domain based email address as the sender address. So I have to Skype my web host and tell them the IP number of the hour, so they can authenticate me. They are good guys, not the usual Taliban, but they seem to think I know how to get my IP number. I don't want to appear stupid to them and pester them to explain how to get my IP number. Besides, I know that YOU can 'splain it in terms that I can understand. Thanks Marian Dear Marian That is quite normal. Walter, The Stonecarver, even skypes me from planes to set his current IP number as a legit source of his email, not just coffee shops where he meets his clients. There are two popular ways to get your IP number. One is to browse to http://whatismyip.com The other way is to click on START, RUN type cmd and in the scary black screen that you then get, type ipconfig and hit ENTER. The third line from the bottom shows IP ADDRESS ......: 209.89.159.191 (the number will be yours, not the example I used) Right-click, select MARK smear that number with the mouse and hit ENTER. Now that number is in the clipboard, and you can paste it into Skype or wherever you want. After you have done it once or twice, the ipconfig method will be a lot faster. It is instant, and you don't have to wait for any site to respond. Have FUN! DearWebby
"How long have you been driving without a tail light, buddy?" demanded the policeman. The driver jumped out, ran to the rear of his car, and gave a low moan. His distress was so great that the cop was moved to ease up on him a bit. "Aw, come now," he said, "you don't have to take it so hard. It isn't that serious." "It isn't?" cried the motorist. "What happened to my boat and trailer?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Bright Clothing or Background in Outdoor Photos When picture taking outside, I noticed the pics looked really dull. So I always get the kids to dress up in bright colored clothes or use bright back grounds. I also like using the sky as a background by letting the kids climb a tree, monkey bars or swing set take the picture looking up at them. The pics come out bright and beautiful. My photo books are filled with bright pics of the kids. They make great gifts for great grandpa too. By Stephanie from Porter, Texas Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Mary Sue passed away in the middle of the night, so her husband, Bubba, called 911. The operator answering the call said they would be sending someone over right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba answered, "At the end of Eucalyptus Lane." Then the operator asked, "Could you spell that for me?" There was a long pause, until Bubba finally said, "How about if I drag her over to Oak Street and you can pick her up there?"
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On a recent flight we were given gourmet brownies and cookies. Not hungry, I decided to save them for later, so I placed them in the air-sickness bag that they so kindly provide, though in the last 30 years I have never seen anybody use them for anything other than saving un-eaten food for later, usually to eat while hiding in a quiet corner of the airport and having a smoke or two during the wait for the next plane. When I exited the plane a stewardess asked me: "Sir, would you like me to dispose of that for you?" As usual, I grinned and told her: "Oh, No ! I'm saving it. I got plans for that."

» Butterfly Migration
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Deleted Firefox Bookmarks 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 14, 2009

We love because it's the only true adventure. --- Nikki Giovanni In order to succeed beyond your wildest expectations, first you need some wild expectations. --- Socratex
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman............ Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
John's barn burned down and his wife, Sandy, called the insurance company. Sandy spoke to the insurance agent and said, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand, and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. An independent adjuster will assess the value of what was insured, and then we'll provide you with a new barn of similar worth." There was a long pause, and then Sandy replied, "If that's how it works, cancel the life insurance policy on my husband!"
Thanks to Jerry for sending this picture taken by his wife Allyn Here's several fall photos taken by my wife last fall in Letchworth State park located about 40 miles south of Rochester, NY. Letchworth is nicknamed the Grand Canyon of the East. The river is the Genesee and is one of only a few major rivers in the world that flow north.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Julia E Laack of Sheboygan, Wisconsin Burglar left hos phone behind A woman's attempt to avoid arrest over shoplifting some beef jerky proved ineffective, as it turned out that stripping in front of policemen won't stop them from arresting you. Kicking them in the groin also doesn't help you cause, apparently. The woman, identified as Julia E Laack of Sheboygan, Wisconsin, was arrested at her home after she allegedly stole the beef jerky and a lighter from a convenience store. When officers arrived at her house, she began by swearing at her children, then stripped to her underwear. She told officers: 'You can't arrest me as I am going to be naked now.' Laack then kicked one of the officers in the groin and spat at another as they attempted to prove that they could, in fact, arrest her. She then decided to round off her evening by mooning from the back window of the squad car as she was taken to the police station. Preliminary tests showed that she had a blood alcohol level of 0.112 percent, significantly above Wisconsin's 0.08 percent drunk-drive limit.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron P Re: Deleted Firefox Bookmarks Dear Webby, Love your tips and jokes been with you since the 90's and have built up a pile of your tips and links thanks. I am using Firefox and I had some problems logging on so I reinstalled Firefox and did some other cleanups and now I have lost all of my bookmarks. Is there any way to get them back I had a lot of them. I also use Avast,Adwear,and Super anti-spywear. as always thanks for your help. RON P Dear Ron Here is all the info about finding your lost Firefox bookmarks, no matter how you lost them: http://kb.mozillazine.org/Lost_bookmarks Have FUN! DearWebby
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: 'Holy Cow! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Trade Costumes With Friends If you have friends with children the same size or about the same as yours, trade Halloween costumes. This way, each costume will be "new" to each child. You won't be out any money, unless you choose to 'dress up' the costume a little more. By Terri H. from NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

An English professor announced to the class; "There are two words I don't allow in my class. One is gross and the other is cool." From the back of the room a voice called out, "So, what word is groos and which one is cool ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Only in Oklahoma can you hear.... "You wanna Coke?" "Yeah." "What kind?" "Dr. Pepper." "Sorry, we only got Pepsi"

» Cafe Curiosity
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Firefox redirect warning 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 13, 2009

Humans are the only animals that have children on purpose with the exception of guppies, who like to eat theirs. --- P. J. O'Rourke If the public are bound to yield obedience to laws to which they cannot give their approbation, they are slaves to those who make such laws and enforce them. --- Candidus in the Boston Gazette, 1772 Believe that life is worth living and your belief will help create the fact. --- William James
A man goes to the doctor and tells him that he hasn't been feeling well. The doctor examines him, leaves the room and comes back with three different bottles of pills. The doctor says, "Take the Big pill with a big glass of water when you get up. Take the little pink pill with a big glass of water after lunch. Then just before going to bed, take the red pill with another big glass of water." Startled to be put on so much medicine the man stammers, "My goodness, doc, exactly what's my problem?" Doctor says, "You're not drinking enough water."
Recently, in Traffic Court, a man who received an expensive parking ticket testified that a uniformed Policeman had given his OK for the man to park there. The Judge asked the man if he would recognize the Officer if he ever saw him again, and the man replied that he would. The Judge then said, "Good. When you see the Officer again, tell him he owes you 57 dollars. Next..."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derrick Albert Robinson, 41, Gainesvile, Florida Burglar left hos phone behind GAINESVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- Police in Florida said they arrested a car burglary suspect who apparently left his cell phone at the scene of the crime. Gainesville, Fla., police said a man turned in the cell phone Sunday saying he discovered the item in his unlocked car after someone had rifled through the inside of the vehicle, the Gainesville Sun reported. The officer called a number on the phone and Derrick Albert Robinson, 41, was identified as the phone's owner by a friend. Police told the friend Robinson could pick up the phone at the police department's downtown substation. Robinson arrived at the substation and was arrested shortly after 4:30 a.m. Monday. He identified the phone as his but said he did not know how it ended up in the burglarized car. Investigators said Robinson was carrying an iPod that was reported stolen in a separate burglary. Robinson, who previously served prison sentences for drug possession, burglary, trafficking in stolen property, theft and obstructing a criminal investigation, was charged with burglary and trespassing.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jo Re: Firefox warning about page redirections Dear Webby, I wrote before and think I was not real clear with the problem. I get this message when i try to click on a link in my gmail emails "firefox prevented this page from automatically redirecting to another page" then I have to click on "allow" sometimes twice. Jo Dear Jo You can turn that warning off in the Options, but I would not advise that. There is a very good reason for that warning.. Quite often malicious domains are hiding behind harmless looking ones, and FireFox warns you if you are being forwarded somewhere, where you might not really want to go to. Not ALL forwards are dangerous. Some are quite beneficial, for example if you are forwarded into a secure area to finalize your shopping. However, FireFox, and probably other browsers too, warn you that there IS forwarding going on, and to be careful. Have FUN! DearWebby
During our church service one Sunday, a parishioner was speaking about an emotionally charged topic and had trouble controlling her tears. Finishing her remarks, she told the congregation, "I apologize for crying so much. I'm usually not such a big boob." The minister rose to close the session and remarked, "That's quite okay. We all like big boobs."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use a Paper Towel Tube for Vacuuming While vacuuming, I misplaced the tube with the flat end. I noticed an empty paper towel tube and flattened the end of it. It worked perfectly! By April from NW Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A young minister sitting down to dinner was about to say Grace when he opened the casserole dish that his thrifty bride had prepared from all of the refrigerator leftovers. "I don't know," he said dubiously, "but it seems to me that I've aleady blessed all this stuff before."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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I was recovering from surgery when a charity representative phoned asking me to take part in a door-to-door fund-raising effort. "Sorry," I replied, "but I've been incapacitated." Undaunted, the caller kept trying to convince me to change my mind and volunteer. I interrupted and said, "I'm incapacitated. Do you know what that means?" She hesitated. "It means your head was cut off?" "No", I tod her. "But YOU can loose 15 pounds of ugly fat! Try our handy, dandy Do-It-Yourself Guillotine!"

» Fall Foliage
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Is McAfee and Spybot compatible? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 12, 2009
Happy Thanksgiving Day to Canadians!

My DSL modem died Saturday night. I wasted over an hour on the phone explaining to their Taliban, that when you move the computer's cable from the router directoy to the modem, which has all lights out except the power light, and your computer complains that you have a network cable unplugged, then that is a sure indication that the modem has died. The result was a promise that a tech would come by on Thursday to check the cables and see if I needed a new modem. Sometimes it is a good thing that phones don't allow me to use my fist to install or activate brain cells! Until I get a new modem from Telus, I am on slow dial-up with Earthlink. I am paying for 46 kb/sec, but actual file download speed is currently between 3.6 and 4 kb/sec. Please don't send me any 8 or 10 MB movies, even if they came around only three, four times before. I just dump them right on the server anyway. I am sure glad I got MailWasher to sort my mail right on the server. At this speed, otherwise my mail would never finish downloading. Have FUN! DearWebby
Life is like an onion; you peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep. --- Carl Sandburg
It's forty below zero one winter night in Alaska. Pat is drinking at his local saloon and the bartender says to him, "You owe me quite a bit on your tab." "Sorry," says Pat, "I'm flat broke this week." "That's okay," says the bartender. "I'll just write your name and the amount you owe me right here on the wall." And Pat pleads, "I don't want any of my friends to see that." "They won't," says the bartender. "I'll just hang your parka over it until it's paid."
Dear God, Are there dogs on other planets or are we alone? I have been howling at the moon and stars for a long time, but all I ever hear back is the beagle across the street! Dear God, We dogs can understand human verbal instructions, hand signals, whistles, horns, clickers, beepers, scent IDs, electromagnetic energy fields, and Frisbee flight paths. What do humans understand?
City folks' substitute for leaves
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mark Emanuel Freeman, 27, of Pensacola, Florida Wrong place to rob Patrons at a local bar decided to fight for their right to party Wednesday night, when a man with gun tried to rob the business. A customer of Richey’s Ninth Avenue Billiards hit the suspect in the head with a pool stick and other patrons tackled the gunman and detained him until Escambia deputies arrived, a Sheriff’s Office news release said. The suspect was taken to the Escambia County Jail with scrapes and bruises, the release said. There were about 20 people at Richey’s when the suspect, later identified as Mark Emanuel Freeman, 27, entered about 8:15 p.m. Bartender Diana Spink had just finished her shift and was sitting at the end of the bar when Freeman entered wearing a black hooded jacket and a white scarf covering his face. “He said, ‘This is a holdup,’ and we all turned and looked and thought it was a joke,” she said. That’s when the suspect fired a shot into the ceiling, Spink said, which got everyone’s attention. What Freeman didn’t notice was the man standing behind him chalking a pool stick. “When (Freeman) turned, Curtis, a bar patron, broke his own pool stick over the guy’s head,” Spink said. “Then about eight people jumped on Freeman.” Deputies recovered a BB gun that Freeman used during the incident, the Sheriff’s Office release said. Freeman was charged with robbery with a firearm and battery for fighting with the bar patrons while trying to escape. He was taken to the Escambia County Jail and is being held on $51,000 bond, the release said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ormond Re: McAfee plus Spybot Dear Webby, Again many thanx for your effort in the newsletter. I find it really does improve my day. It is refreshing knowing that there are still people not afraid to "offfend" & speak out for what they believe in. We need more like you. Todays question is: Is Spybot compatible w\ McAfee? Thank You Again, Steve J. Dear Steve Yes, they work quite fine together. I have used McAfee since it came on 360 KB 5 1/24" floppies, and Spybot-Search&Destroy for about 10 years. McAfee claims, that you don't need Spybot beside their protection, but a bit extra security doesn't hurt. In addition to that, some of the utilities in Spybot occasionally come in quite handy. Have FUN! DearWebby
One night at an economy motel, I ordered a 6 a.m. wake-up call. The next morning, I awoke before 6, but the phone did not ring until 6:30. "Good morning," a young man said sheepishly. "This is your wake-up call." Annoyed, I let the hotel worker have it. "You were supposed to call me at 6 AM!.... I complained. "What if I had a million- dollar deal to close this morning, and your oversight made me miss out on it?" "Well, sar, Goodness gwacious me," the desk clerk quickly replied, "if you haf million-dollar deal, you prollaby not be staying at a Ramada Motel!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creative Bartering We have a pal who is having trouble with her car. She knows a fellow who makes cabinets and will also work on her car. He will possibly buy it from her, in exchange for making her new kitchen cabinets. She says by bartering like this, it's going to save her from having to search for a reputable garage, all the parts and details of the car repair. All she's got to do is pick out her choice of nice cabinets for her home. By Terri from NV Barters like that often turn into a reminder, that you should have insisted on a written and very detailed contract. It's one thing to staple together Sears cabinets, that fell apart during shipping, and nailing them up, and something totally different to create nice custom cabinets according to the client's specifications. If it is the second, that she expects, the car better be a fairly new Mercedes! Trying to do that wiothout a detailed contract just leads to unreasonable expectations and destroyed friendhips. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sue gave her hubby a state-of-the-art metal detector. He excitedly took his new toy to the back yard to try it out. When he scattered some change on the ground, it seemed to work fine. Then, even when he wasn't near the coins, the thing kept going off. Over and over, he adjusted and re-adjusted with no luck. After watching him for a while, Sue said, "I think I know what's wrong." "I know what I'm doing!" he snapped back. After 20 minutes, he finally turned to her. "Okay, what's wrong?" Sue said, "You're standing over the buried oil tank."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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In the good old days.... Back in the 1960s we didn't have the space shuttle buzzing around within rifle range of the mountains to get all excited about. We had to settle for men walking on the crummy old moon. In my day, we didn't have virtual reality. If a one-eyed, razorback barbarian warrior was chasing you with an axe, you just had to hope your axe was better than his. In my day you couldn't take basket weaving or acting instead of math. And that was before they invented calculators! If you couldn't calculate the trajectory of an intercontinental missile with a pencil, well, then you just repeated Grade 6 until you could. In my day, we didn't have school buses. We had to hitch a ride on a dinosaur or walk to school 5 Miles, with barb wire wrapped around the bare feet for traction on the glacier, and it was all uphill. Both ways!

» Virtual Age
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Firefox history in tree view 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 11, 2009


The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age. --- Lucille Ball Sanity calms, but madness is more interesting. --- John Russell Many a man has fallen in love with a girl in a light so dim he would not have chosen a suit by it. --- Maurice Chevalier
Thanks to Ann for this: I just had a call from a local charity asking me to donate some of my clothes to the starving people throughout the world. I told them to get lost !! Anybody who fits into my clothes isn't starving.
Thanks to Ginny for this story: After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base in Germany with my eight siblings and me -- all under age 11. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. A young customs official watched our entourage in disbelief, ''Ma'am,'' he said, "'Do all these children and this luggage belong to you?'' ''Yes, sir,'' my mother said with a sigh, they're all mine.'' The customs agent began his interrogation: ''Ma'am, do you have any weapons, explosives, contraband or drugs in your possession?'' ''Sir,'' she calmly answered, ''if I'd had any of those things, I would have used them by now.''
Thanks to Jerry for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Forehand, of Lititz, PA Man Asked His Own Daughter for Sex on Facebook Pennsylvania state officials arrest five men, including a man who allegedly used Facebook to ask his own daughter for sex. Attorney General Tom Corbett said on Friday that John Forehand, of Lititz, PA., allegedly used Facebook to find and sexually proposition his own biological daughter, calling himself "Bad Daddy." According to the criminal complaint, Forehand proposed meeting the girl for sex and explained in graphic detail the sex acts, telling her "not many other fathers and daughters are this brave, so not many of them are so lucky to experience all these pleasures." Corbett said the girl alerted her mother, who contacted the Ephrata Borough Police Department. The state Child Predator Unit and Ephrata Police arrested Forehand when he arrived at a predetermined meeting location on October 7. Agents seized a camera, tripod and an unopened box of condoms from Forehand's vehicle, along with a digital camera, camcorder, computers and data-storage devices from his home. Forehand faces numerous charges and is being held on $400,000 bail. Corbett said the other men in the sting were from Philadelphia, Pittsburgh and Schuylkill County. Corbett identified the defendants as Timothy A. Gehres, 22, of 205 East Center St., Donaldson, Schuykill County. Frank W. Bonacci, 27, 105 Legrande Drive, Pittsburgh. Michael Edward Quartucci, 27, 2544 West Girard Ave., Philadelphia and Timothy D. Anderson, 42, 141 Conestoga Blvd., Lancaster. Quartucci, an emergency medical technician from Philadelphia, is accused of sending nude photos and pornography to what he believed were 13-year old girls from Norristown and Pittsburgh, but were actually cops playing on Facebook. http://snipurl.com/sfsyd
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ormond Re: FireFox history in tree form Dear Webby, I saw a fancy form of the FireFox history in tree form while passing the desk of an employee, but didn't want to act ignorant and ask in front of all the smart-asses standing around. What is the name of it, and where can I get that tree view of the FireFox history? Thanks Ormond Dear Ormond It is called History Tree and you can download it free from History Tree After you install it, you will see History Tree in Tools. It rudely opens in full screen mode, but you can resize it to a more usable size. The current version doesn't zoom yet, but if the programmer gets enough feedback about that, I am sure he will add that shortly. Have FUN! DearWebby
The young lady walked over to the room where she knew her friend was. "May I see Irving, please?" she asked the woman blocking the door. "We don't allow anyone but relatives to see the patients," replied the woman. "Are you a member of the family?" "Why-er-why, yes. I'm his sister," said the lady. "Oh, I'm so glad to meet you," said the woman. "I'm his mother!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Small Savings Add Up I just talked to a friend who was complaining that she has to come up with $1000 every October and she has nothing saved up. I asked her if she could save $19.25 on a weekly basis. She said she could, if she cut out her morning coffee and took her own to work, and if she also skipped eating lunch out one day a week. I told her if she did that each week for a year, she would have her $1000. So, tomorrow she is going to schedule $19.25 to come directly out of each paycheck and go to her Credit Union Account. This would be a great way to save for Christmas, property tax, propane bills, vacation or other recurring yearly expenses. By April from NW Missouri Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man driving in Southern Indiana, heading for Kentucky, saw a sign that read: "LAST CHANCE FOR $1.25 GAS!!!" He still had more than half of a tank left, but figured he'd better take advantage of this opportunity to fill up. As he was getting his change from the attendant, he asked, "How much is gas in Kentucky?" The man replied, "$1.19."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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"We live in a great country," the kindergarten teacher said. "One of the reasons we should be happy is that, in this country, we are all free." One little boy came walking up to her from the back of the room. He stood with his hands on his hips and said . . . "I'm not free. I'm four!"

» Steamboat Whistles
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Turn off Verizon filtering 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 10, 2009


Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes. There's too much fraternizing with the enemy. --- Henry Kissinger
Ole's neighbor Sven had a boy, Sven Junior, who came home one day and asked, "Papa, I have da biggest feet in da third grade. Is dat becoss I'm Norvegian?" "No," said Sven, "It's because you're NINETEEN."
Norvegian Logic: Lena once had two chickens. One of them got terribly sick. So she killed the other one to make chicken soup to get the first one well again. ----- hmmm that sounds like the current US economic policy. Maybe the Nobel Prize Committee recognized one of their own?
Thanks to Lynn for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to the Nobel Prize committee Nobel prize for persuasive teleprompter reading What are they going to award, if he actually DOES something positive?
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: Verizon censoring Dera Webby, Can you tell me how to stop my incoming emails from being blocked? It is not my junk mail or spam fillter doing it..I believe it is Verizon.. are there any settings I can change to stop this? Thank you for your knowledge..You are so helpful to people like me. Rita Dear Rita From what I heard, Verizon has a spot in your account set-up where you can turn off their rather flakey email filtering. You may have to contact Verizon support to find out where in your account manager that setting is. Verizon isn't the only one doing that. They are just trying to be helpful in their klutzy old ways. Filtering for Millions of people is very difficult even for Google and is always too lenient for some and too strict for some others. If you want intellignet spam control, use MailWasher and set your own priorities. Have FUN! DearWebby
Ole and Sven were taking a vacation in Sven's new camper. As usual, they'd become lost and were wandering around a strange town trying to find the highway. Sven was just starting down a grade to go under a bridge when he slams on the brakes. Ole: Vat da heck you do dat for, Sven? Sven: Dat sign dere says "Low Bridge. No Vehicles Over Twelve Feet High." Dis here camper is t'irteen feet! Ole: Cripes almighty Sven, dere ain't no cops around. Yust hit da gas pedal and go for it!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Decorate Your Pumpkin With a Mask This year at the end of the season, buy up the Halloween masks when they are in the clearance piles. I purchased masks for pennies each and saved them until the next year. I place them on appropriately sized pumpkins and used them to decorate my front yard. I live across the street from an elementary school and they got lots of views! By Linda from Lebanon, PA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Ole and Lena got married. On their honeymoon trip they were nearing Minneapolis when Ole put his hand on Lena's knee. Giggling, Lena said, "Ole, ve are married now. You can go a little farther now if ya vant to"... so Ole drove to Duluth.
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The judge had just awarded a divorce to Lena, who had charged non-support. He said to Ole, "I have decided to give your wife $400 a month for support." "Vell, dat's fine, Judge," said Ole. "And vunce in a while I'll try to chip in a few bucks myself."

» Know your drugs
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Yahoo picture problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 8, 2009
Wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!

"The noblest of all dogs is the hot-dog; it feeds the hand that bites it. --- Laurence The ease with which a toddler acquires the ability to say a word increases with its likelihood to make a sailor blush. --- Socratex
Gina was scheduled to fly from North Carolina to Germany, where her husband was stationed in the military. As she checked in at the airport, the ticket agent asked her some standard security questions. "Has anyone given you any packages that you didn't pack yourself?" he asked. Gina told him that her mother-in-law had given her a parcel to take to her son. He looked at Gina very carefully and very slowly and deliberately asked: "Does your mother in law like you?"
Two is equal to two, except when referring to time. Two minutes of a child's temper tantrum at the supermarket last 20 times as long as the two hours of her nap time.
Thanks to Jerry for this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Benjamin Kuzelka, 23, of Loma Linda, California Calif. man blows hand off while mixing explosives at Marijuana farm / daycare center LOS ANGELES (AP) -- Explosives and a marijuana farm were discovered at a Southern California home doubling as a state-licensed child day care center after a man blew off four of his fingers while mixing homemade explosives, authorities said Thursday. Benjamin Kuzelka, 23, remained hospitalized at Loma Linda Medical Center and will be arrested when he his discharged, said sheriff's Sgt. Dennis Gutierrez. His mother, Rebecca Kuzelka, 55, and brother, Greg Kuzelka, 21, were booked Thursday on suspicion of manufacturing illegal explosives, illegal growing of marijuana and child endangerment, he said. Authorities went to Kuzelka Family Day Care after a local hospital reported late Wednesday that Kuzelka walked in and said he had shot himself in the hand. Doctors, however, became suspicious because the wound was inconsistent with a gun shot injury and they called authorities, Gutierrez said. Investigators found explosives, a sophisticated marijuana- growing facility and evidence that the home had been used as a state-licensed child care facility as recently as the day before, Gutierrez said. The home is on a cul-de-sac in a remote area of Riverside County about 70 miles southeast of Los Angeles. "We do believe that when all this illegal activity was going on, that children were present," he said. However, no children were home at the time of the explosion, authorities said. The explosives were hidden outside and detectives believe Grey Kuzelka moved them from the garage to the backyard while his brother was seeking medical treatment, said sheriff's Sgt. Pat Chavez. A hazardous device team responded to the scene and defused explosives Thursday in several controlled blasts throughout the day. They left the scene by the late afternoon, Gutierrez said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jerry Re: No pictures on Yahoo Dear Webby: No photo today... How about this one for tomorrow: Jerry Wolf Dear Jerry Great picture! Thanks Jerry! Todays picture shows up fine in your reply. Since it is on the server and the mail just calls it from there, it's obviously just a routine yahoo malfunction. Depending on the version of Yahoo that you have, if you hit Forward or Reply, as if you were going to show somebody how messed up Yahoo is today, that will cause the pictures to miraculously appear. You don't have to actually forward the mail, just act as if you were going to. Have FUN! DearWebby
While driving through Buffalo after a heavy snow storm, a motorist noted a cop, apparently waist deep in snow, directing traffic. Feeling sorry for him, the motorist called out "I'm sorry you have to work half buried in the snow." The cop called back "Don't feel sorry for me, feel sorry for my horse!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Wash and Freeze Your Apple Harvest With apples so good and plentiful now, why not freeze them so that you may enjoy sauces and apple desserts all year. Fill empty spots in your freezer with apples that have been washed only. Don't pare, core or peel. Just put in plastic bags before storing in freezer. When you are ready to use them, just peel and slice as with fresh apples. Let apples stand out of freezer for 1 hour before peeling. This makes them easier to handle. Be sure to use them at once before they turn and become soft. By Jane from Piqua, OH Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Boudreaux left the bayou and moved to Arkansas and bought a donkey for $100 from an old farmer. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day, the farmer drove up and said, "I'm sorry, but I have some bad news... the donkey died last night." "Sacri-Bleu" said Boudreaux, "den gimme my money back." "I can't do that Sir, I went and spent it already." "OK, den. Jus' unload dat donkey." "What are you gonna do with him?" "I ham gon-to raffle him off." "You can't raffle a dead donkey, you dumb Cajun!" "Well dats where you wrong.! You wait an' you learn how smart we Cajuns are!" A month later the farmer ran into the Cajun and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" "Hi raffled dat donkey off. Hi sold 1000 tickets at two dollar apiece and made too towsend buck. Dat was enough for a old JonDeere with a bucket, an hi use dat to bury your dead donkey." "Didn't anyone complain?" "Jus dat guy who won. So Hi give him his two dollar back. You got any more donkey?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Teacher: Well, there's one good thing I can say about your son. Father: What's that? Teacher: With grades like these, he couldn't be cheating.

» New York Panorama (and 60 other cities )
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Multiple browsers 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 8, 2009


One man with courage makes a majority. --- Andrew Jackson (1767-1845) "What a new face courage puts on everything!" --- Ralph Waldo Emerson Courage is the triumph of integrity over fear --- Socratex
Some letters from subscribers: From Donna I personally do not know if the votes matter to you, but since you are so kind to furnish all kinds of solutions to our varying problems and with a very prompt response, I would like to encourage everyone who receives the newsletter to take just a few seconds and cast a vote each day. I don't know the number of subscribers, but expect we could easily break the 50,000 mark. It could be our way of saying a very big thank you. Donna ----------------------------------- Dear Webby, I'd like to compliment Dianne on her excellent choices of websites to browse. Most of the time I can spend at least 15 mins or more checking it out cuz there's so much to see. Please let her know how much I look forward to her selections almost as much as I look forward to your letter, lol. Trish ----------------------------------- From Ann D A big Thank you to Dianne for the trip down memory lane of my trip to China. I really appreciate her links. Thanks Dianne! Ann ----------------------------------- From Arthur I finally got around to getting that 120 Video bundle that you recommended. I told Liz, my wife about it. Instead of looking at the videos with my log-in, the silly ninnie bought her own! A minute later she sold them to four of her co-workers, and by lunch time, an hour later, she had made over $200! Now we got some friendly competition going on, but I have a hunch she will stay ahead. Hopefully you will find us more stuff like that! BTW., neither my wife nor me have looked at the videos yet. PS. What percentage of the subscribers were smart enough to take advantage of all that free money? Arthur ----------- Dear Arthur It's not really free money. You DO have to mention the deal to friends. But it is indeed a very good return for very little effort, if you have smart friends. And yes, there will be more deals like that. I am testing one now, that pays you every month, not just once. So far it looks good, just as reliable, and too good not to share it. I have not done an exact count of the people who took advantage of the 120 Video bundle yet, but so far it looks like only about 2% of the readers were not worried about extra income bursting their wallet. Have FUN! DearWebby --------------------------------------- From Glenda Dear Webby I love the pictures you select! No other newsletter has such high quality pictures as consistently as you do, except maybe Ophelia. But you are coaching her, and probably slipping her some pictures now and then. OOPS, I better stop before I slip my foot into my mouth. Can you plese send me a large size picture of that beautiful hay Castle picture? That needs to be printed large and hung up on the wall! Thanks Glenda ------------- Dear Glenda I put the full size picture up at http://webby.com/humor/i/whatthehay1024.jpg Have Fun! DearWebby
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "I still remember that time when you said ...."

At the company water cooler, the office braggart was boring his fellow workers as usual. His topic of the day was about his children's world travels: one son was teaching in Bolivia, another working in southern Italy. Then he told everyone that his daughter was working on a year's research project in India. "What is it about you," a co-worker finally asked, "that makes your kids want to get so far away from you ?"
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Douglas martin, 24 of Orlando, Florida Homesick for jail ORLANDO, Fla. (AP) - A 24-year-old Florida man is back in jail, just days after he became a free man following a two-year sentence. Douglas Martin told investigators he was broke and homeless after getting out of jail. Police said he started robbing banks after seeing a news report of a serial bank robber who made it look easy. Martin's previous sentence was for burglary. Police believe Martin robbed two banks between Tuesday, when he was released from prison, and Friday, when he was arrested just outside a Bank of America. It would've been his third heist, but Martin got spooked and walked out after passing the robbery note.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Lisa Re: Multiple browsers Dear Webby: If downloading Firefox along with IE8 how do you switch back and forth? Thanks, Lisa Dear Lisa Each of them will have an icon on your desktop. You can run either one of them, or both of them at the same time. Once you have tried them both for a while, you can make one of them the default. Whichever one is set as the default, will open up when you click on a link in an email. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man approached his family physician and said, "Doc, I'm afraid you'll have to remove my wife's tonsils one of these days." The doctor pulled out the family's medical file and exclaimed, "Why, I removed them six years ago! Did you ever hear of a woman having two sets of tonsils?" "No," the husband retorted, "but I'm sure you've heard of a widower marrying again, haven't you?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Adding Length to Curtains Here is a tip to add a little pretty length to curtains so you don't have to spend to replace them if you move and they no longer fit. Add ribbon or trim or how many ever rows of yo yo's needed to make them the right length. You could even add width to them the same way. By melody_yesterday from Sedalia, MO Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A new convert to Catholicism decided to go to confession to deal with his transgression. In the confessional, he told the priest that he had sinned. "What was your sin, my son?" asked the priest. "I stole some lumber, Father," replied the man. "How much lumber did you steal?" asked the priest. "Father, I built my German Shepherd dog a nice new doghouse." The priest replied, "Well, that's not so bad." The man continued, "Father, I also built myself a 4- car garage." "Well, now, that's a little more serious." "Father, there's more. In addition to the doghouse, the 4-car garage, I also built a 5 bedroom, 4 bath house!" With a pause, the priest finally spoke. "That is a little more serious. I'm afraid you'll have to make a novena." "Father, I'm not sure what a novena is, but if you've got the blueprints, I've got the lumber!" ---- (A Novena is a long and tedious set of prayers)
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Max dies and leaves Sadie with a total of $20,000 to her name. After everything is done at the funeral home and cemetery, she tells her closest friend that she has no money left. The friend says, "How can that be? You told me you still had $20,000 left just after Max died. How could you be broke?" The widow says, "Well, the funeral cost me $5,000. And of course, I made a donation to the temple, so that was another $5,000. The rest went for the memorial stone." The friend says, "$10,000 for the memorial stone? Vayismere! How big is it?" "Three carats."
» EUro Rails
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AT&T and Netgear 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  October 7, 2009


Seeing ourselves as others see us would probably confirm our worst suspicions about them. --- Franklin P. Adams
The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets, weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
A young boy walked up to his father and asked, "Dad? Does a lawyer ever tell the truth?" The Father thought for a moment. "Yes Son," he replied, "Sometimes a lawyer will try anything to win a case."
Yesterday's picture was from Cookie, not my dad. Sorry about that! Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture:
Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter, "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occurred and Fr.Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer and asked the priest, "Why do you say 'Hoover'?" And Father Murphy said, "It's the biggest dam I know."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a 38 year old Albertville, Alabama woman Sent in by Walter Trailercourt Convertible ALBERTVILLE, Ala. – An Alabama woman has been charged with endangering the welfare of a child after police say she let her 13 year old daughter ride in a cardboard box on top of their van. Albertville Police spokesman Sgt. Jamie Smith said the 37-year-old woman was arrested Sunday after police received a call about a minivan on a state highway with a child riding on top. Smith said the woman told police the box was too big to go inside the van, and that her daughter was inside the box to hold it down. Smith said the mother told officers it was safe because she had the box secured to the van with a clothes hanger. The 13-year-old daughter wasn't harmed and was turned over to a relative. A jail worker said the mother was out on bond Monday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Don Re: Netgear Dear Webby I read the Net Gear note this morning with interest as I also have a Net Gear router. I had a problem with getting it to even connect, called Net Gear for support ( somewhere in India I suppose). They had me on the line for 2 hours and were of no help. I finally called support at AT&T and about a minute into the conversation, she asked if I had gone into the setup and connected the "bridge". This I had not done, I followed her advice, did the setup as she explained it and viola, it worked fine and has since. Not sure if this is helpful, but I would definitely advise calling AT&T for support first. Don From Bug Let Hellen know that I had an AT&T problem a while back, it turned out not being the modem or the router, it was the power plug in box that you can only buy from AT&T because it's 2 wire, and no store carries it. ($10.00, I think + shipping ) Bug Dear Don and Bug Thanks for your hekpful tips! Yes, that would make a big difference. Some routers or ISPs need that bridge turned on, some don't. That used to be quite a hassle when traveling in the 90's. Have FUN! DearWebby
One night a wife found her husband standing over their newborn baby's crib. Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping infant, she saw on his face a mixture of emotions: disbelief, doubt, delight, amazement, enchantment, and skepticism. Touched by this unusual display and the deep emotions it aroused, with eyes glistening she slipped her arm around her husband. "A penny for your thoughts," she whispered. "It's truly amazing!" he replied. "I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like that for only $49.95."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Small Amount of Toothpaste To save money on toothpaste for your family, follow the directions on the tube and not the advertising. You are supposed to only use a pea size amount of toothpaste, and not the overloaded brush that they show you in the ads. By Irene from Boston, MA Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

At one game, a lady kept up a steady flow of threats at the umpire. No matter what was happening on the field, she kept yelling, "Kill the umpire!" This went on for an hour. Another patron said, "Lady, the umpire hasn't done anything wrong." The woman said, "He`s my husband and he came home last night with lipstick on his collar. KILL the umpire!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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By chance, John Smith witnessed a mugging in New York. About an hour later the cops arrived, and the officer in charge asked the witness his name. "John Smith," said Smith. "Cut the funny business," the cop barked sharply. "What's your real name?" "All right," said Smith, "put me down as Albert Einstein." "That's more like it," said the man in blue. "You can't fool ME with that John Smith stuff."
» China - Culture & Tradition
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Is Netgear and AT&T incompatible? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  October 6, 2009


If you look at life one way, there is always cause for alarm. --- Elizabeth Bowen Time cools, time clarifies; no mood can be maintained quite unaltered through the course of hours. --- Mark Twain
Officers at a military installation were being lectured about a new computer. The training officer said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks, was shock proof to 60 G, could be driven over and even dropped from a plane. Suddenly, he saw that one of the officers had a cup of coffee and yelled, "There will be no eating or drinking in this room! You'll have to get rid of that coffee." The officer said meekly, "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill could ruin the keyboard."
Arnie was sent to the principal's office for being over an hour late. He came into the office looking somewhat tired and bedraggled, but anxious to explain his nearly one hour tardiness. "Our chickens have been disappearing." He said. "And Pa made up his mind to put a stop to it. But nothing happened for several nights. Then last night about 3 o'clock, Pa got me and Ol' Blue, our dog, and his shot gun, all cocked and loaded, to go out with him to the chicken house to see what was going on." He went on. "Well, Pa sleeps in his birthday suit, and as he bent over to go into the chicken house, Ol' Blue cold-nosed Pa where he didn't expect it. Both barrels went off. Ever since then we've been up a-cleanin' and a-pluckin' more than 50 chickens. I missed the bus and had to walk 3 miles to school."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Did I hear a can opener ?
A couple was going out for the evening. They'd gotten ready -- all dressed up, cat put out, etc. The taxi arrived, and as the couple walked out of their home, the cat shoots back into the house. Not wanting their often-rowdy cat to have free run of the house while they were out, the husband went back upstairs to chase the cat out. The wife, not wanting it known that the house would be empty, explained to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband got into the cab and said, "Sorry I took so long. Stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with the mop to get her to come out!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Bozarth, 33, of Tuckahoe Road, Williamstown, NJ showed up at court in a stolen car Going to court in someone else's car turned out to be a one-way ticket to jail for a Gloucester, N.J., man who appeared in Bucks County Court. Daniel Bozarth, 33, of Tuckahoe Road, Williamstown, was arrested Monday in Doylestown after he arrived for a court hearing in a vehicle without permission from the owner, police said. According to Doylestown police, Bozarth had been using the vehicle for about a month despite requests from the owner to return it. Bozarth was being held in Bucks County Prison under $40,000 bail on charges of theft by unlawful taking, receiving stolen property and unauthorized use of a motor vehicle.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Is IE8 necessary? Dear Webby I'm wondering if you can answer a router question for me. I had a 2WIRE router that came with my DSL account through AT&T. It just died on me a couple weeks ago. AT&T wanted me to buy a new one through their AT&T store, but I couldn't go that long w/o access. So I went to my local Best Buy store and got a new Netgear router. Hooked it up ok, but now my wireless is painfully slow. It says I've got the same connection speed as the older one, but it's not translating when trying to work. Any thoughts? A friend said I may need to go in and change channels. Does that make sense? Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks, Jerry Dear Jerry I would contact Netgear Support and get them to figure it out. If it was the modem, then you would probably need an AT&T modem, but normally the router can be any brand. Have FUN! DearWebby
Jay and Nancy live in Chicago. One winter morning while listening to the radio, they hear the announcer say, "We are going to have 3 to 4 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the even numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Nancy goes out and moves their car. A week later while they are eating breakfast, the radio announcer says, "We are expecting 4 to 5 inches of snow today. You must park your car on the odd numbered side of the street, so the snowplow can get through." Nancy goes out and moves their car again. The next week they are having breakfast again, when the radio announcer says "We are expecting 10 to 12 inches of snow today. You must park...", then the electric power goes out. Nancy says, "Honey, I don't know what to do." Jay says, "Why don't you just leave it in the garage this time?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping the Space Over Cupboards Clean Cleaning the space over the cupboards where dust and grime accumulate can be some job to do. If you line the area with wax paper or paper towels, it makes the cleaning easier. I have done this for the last ten years and I have very little washing to do when I do my spring and fall cleaning. Try it, it's worth the trouble. By Raymonde from North Bay, Ontario Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The anesthesiologist at the outpatient surgery center often chatted with patients before their operations to help them relax. One day he thought he recognized a woman as a co-worker at the VA hospital where he had trained. When the patient confirmed that his hunch was correct, he said, "So, tell me, is the food still as bad there as it used to be?" "Well," she replied, "I'm still cooking it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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While shopping for vacation clothes, a husband and wife passed a display of bathing suits. It had been at least ten years and twenty pounds since she had even considered buying a bathing suit, so she sought her husband's advice. "What do you think?" she asked. "Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?" "Better get a bikini," he replied. "You'd never get it all in one."
» The Night Sky Guy
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Is IE8 necessary? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  October 5, 2009


A computer will not make a good manager out of a bad manager. It makes a good manager better faster and a bad manager worse faster. --- Edward M Esber Manners are like the zero in arithmetic; they may not be much in themselves, but they are capable of adding a great deal to the value of everything else. --- Freya Stark
Two campers are walking through the forest when they suddenly encounter a grizzly bear! The bear rears up on his hind legs and lets out a terrifying roar. They're both frozen in their tracks. The first camper whispers, "I'm sure glad I wore my running shoes today." "It doesn't matter what kind of shoes you're wearing, you're not gonna outrun that bear," replies the second. "I don't have to outrun the bear, I just have to outrun YOU," he answers, as he takes off.
A man goes in for an interview for a job as a TV news broadcaster. The interview went quite well but the trouble was he kept winking and stammering. The interviewer said, "Although you have a lot of the qualities we're looking for, the fact that you keep winking and stammering disqualifies you." "Oh, that's no problem," said the man. "If I take a couple of aspirin I stop winking and stammering for an hour." "Show me," said the interviewer. So the man reached into his pocket. Embarrassingly he pulled out loads of condoms of every variety - ribbed, flavoured, coloured and everything before he found the packet of aspirin. He took the aspirin and soon talked perfectly and stopped winking. The interviewer said, "That's amazing, but I don't think we could employ someone who'd be womanizing all over the country." "Excuse me!" exclaimed the man, "I'm a happily married man, not a womanizer!" "Well how do you explain all the condoms, then?" asked the interviewer. The man replied, "Have you ever gone into a pharmacy, stammering and winking, and asked for a packet of aspirin...?"
Thanks to dad for this picture: That is actually a 16 hive bee house.
David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, yes, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better, because it locks."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dennis Charles Crisp Jr., 19, of Abilane, Texas Bringing dope to court Forgetting what was in his pockets, an Abilene man was just following normal procedure when he emptied the contents of his pockets into a small blue bowl to be scanned at the Taylor County Courthouse. Dennis Charles Crisp Jr., 19, and the deputy at the courthouse’s metal detector noticed at the same time as a small baggy of marijuana dropped in the bowl. “We both looked and realized he had dropped a small bag of marijuana,” said Deputy Mike Pippins with the Taylor County Sheriff’s Office. “He reached. I reached and actually grabbed his hand; he knew he was caught.” Pippins said he never let go of Crisp’s hand as he brought him around the X-ray machine and handcuffed him. He was taken to the Taylor County Jail where he was later released on a $750 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Is IE8 necessary? Dear Webby I read the instructions you gave for blocking IE8, but my husband says I need to install it to keep up on the latest security that Microsoft has to offer. What's your opinion? Thanks for your daily uplift! Helen Dear Helen IE6 works just fine, and gets all the security updates too. Add to that, more than 50% of the people have already switched to FireFox. The curve is getting steeper, and it looks like it will be 60% by Halloween. You can run FireFox and let John run IE8. After a day of FireFox on your machine, you won't give a hoot what version of IE is on it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bob's mother is a cleaning fanatic. One Saturday she told him and his brother to go down to the playroom and straighten it up. They had had a party there the previous evening, and she was none too happy about the mess. As she watched them work, it was clear that she was completely dissatisfied with their cleaning efforts and she let them know it. Finally Bob's brother, exasperated with having to do it all over, reached for a broom and asked his mom, "Can I use this, or were you planning to go somewhere?" -------- If he had said that to MY mother, he would have had to eat that broom, after it had gotten busted into little bitty pieces around his head.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thrifty Tip: Employ Ingenuity Thinking about it, it seems to me that the greatest thrifty tip is employing ingenuity! If you have a household problem, look at the conventional way of tackling it (which probably costs lots of money), and then try to turn it around to a more frugal option. Usually it involves being crafty and doing things yourself, but it is also usual that the outcome is much more satisfactory! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Mary was married to Charlie, a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. "That," he declared, "is woman's work!" One evening, Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charlie had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework, in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her girlfriends at the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. Mary said, "Charlie even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away. I really enjoyed my evening." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charlie was too tired."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Not a joke, but so good I just have to share it again: A grandfather was talking to his grandson about how he felt. He said, "I feel as if I have two wolves fighting in my heart. One wolf is the vengeful, angry, violent one. The other wolf is the loving, compassionate one." The grandson asked him, "Which wolf will win the fight in your heart?" The grandfather answered, "The one I feed."
» Out of this world
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Acai Berry Scam 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  October 4, 2009


"Watching your daughter being collected by her date feels like handing over a million dollar Stradivarius to a gorilla." ---Jim Bishop
An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years!"
An old man and his wife lived deep in the hills and seldom saw many people. One day a peddler came by to sell his goods and asked the man if he or his wife wanted to buy anything. The man said, "Well, my wife ain't home. She's gone down to the creek to wash clothes, but lemme see what you got." The peddler showed him pots and pans, tools and gadgets, but the old man wasn't interested. Then the man spotted a mirror and said, "What's that?" Before the peddler could tell him it was a mirror, the old man picked it up and said, "My God, how'd you get a picture of my Pappy?" The old man was so happy, he traded his wife's best pitcher for it. The peddler left before the wife came back and spoiled his sale. The old man was worried that his wife would be mad at him for trading her best pitcher, so he hid the mirror in the barn behind some boxes of junk. He would go out to the barn 2 or 3 times a day to look at the "picture" and eventually the wife got suspicious. One day she got fed up and after he retired for the night, she went out to the barn. She saw the mirror behind the boxes, picked it up and said, "So, this is the hussy he's been foolin' around with! Wonder why he picked one that ugly?"
Thanks to Dave for this picture: They should invent something to keep the sun out of my eyes!
The census taker knocked on Donna's door. She answered all his questions except one. She refused to tell him her age. "But everyone tells their age to the census taker," he said. "Did Miss Maisy Hill, and Miss Daisy Hill tell you their ages?" she asked. "Certainly," he replied "Well, I'm the same age as they are," she snapped. "As old as the Hills," he wrote on his form.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Christopher Jones, 31, of Rochester, Wisconsin Man Fakes Accident To Avoid Ticket ROCHESTER - The assistant fire chief is downright angry. He says instead of pulling out his license and registration- a man pulled out his cell phone to call in a fake crash "There's a lady laying in a ditch holding her head," Christopher Jones is heard saying on 911 tapes. "Did you stop?" asks the dispatcher. "No I kept going. There was a car behind me" Rochester Assistant Fire Chief Jack Bierman says, "When a call goes out we think the worst right away and respond accordingly." Bierman and 14 EMTs rushed to the scene but nothing was there. "We thought maybe the caller got his directions wrong," Bierman said. Deputies say that Jones made it all up. The 31-year-old had been pulled over for speeding. Investigators think he called 911 hoping it would distract the deputy. "I was a little angry that 14 of my members were needlessly put in harm's way," says Bierman. Jones was also carrying a fake sheriff's department ID card and badge. He ended up with the ticket and five other charges. He's due in court next month when they plan to throw the book at him.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Johnny Re: Berry scam Dear Webby The weight loss berry and colon cleanser, does the same thing, but they hit you for over a hundred dollars for the free trail. I know this, because I got took. Johnny Dear Johnny All the stuff that you see both in spam AND on web sites, is a scam. Legitimate companies don't spam. My advice is to stay as far as possible away from anything that is also mentioned in spam.. Have FUN! DearWebby
Taking his seat in his chambers, the judge faced the opposing lawyers. "So," he said, "I have been presented, by both of you, with a bribe." Both lawyers squirmed uncomfortably. "You, attorney Leon, gave me $15,000. And you, attorney Campos, gave me $10,000." The judge reached into his pocket and pulled out a check. He handed it to Leon. "Now then, I'm returning $5,000. We are going to decide this case solely on its merits, and then both of you will go to jail."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Mismatched Sock Solutions Do you ever wonder what happens to the socks that go in a pair and come out a single? Well, instead of doing the sock puppet route, I use them for other things. Fill with Barley and tie the tube area in a knot. Freeze or microwave for sore muscles. When the weather outside is cold, I wear them under my matching socks for extra warmth. No one knows and they work great! By Sandra from Salem, OR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A fifth grader looked down, so her teacher asked, "What's the problem, Carol? I hope it's not homework again." "Well, uh, yes it is," replied Carol. "I made my homework paper into a paper airplane." "Carol, that wasn't a very bright thing to do," said the teacher, "but this once, I'll let you just unfold the paper and hand it in." "Oh, but that won't work," said Carol, looking even sadder. "You see, Bobby hijacked the plane, and handed it in as HIS homework!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A beautiful woman boarded a jet and took a seat in the first class section. The flight attendant checked her ticket and said "You're in the wrong section. This ticket is for coach. You'll have to move." The woman replied, "I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going home to Miami." The attendant called for the co-pilot who checked her ticket and also told her she had to move. Again she replied,"I'm blond, I'm beautiful and I'm going home to Miami." So they told the captain. He just laughed and said she sounded like his wife and that it was no problem. He went to her seat and whispered something into her ear. She instantly got up and moved back to coach. "Captain, what did you say to get her to move?" asked the flight attendant. The captain replied, "I told her that the first class section doesn't land in Miami."
» Out of this world
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Dear Webby: White Teeth Scam 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  October 3, 2009


Good judgment comes from experience, and experience comes from bad judgment." --- Barry LePatner Baseball is like church. Many attend, few understand. --- Leo Durocher I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed. --- Bruce Lee
The 120 instructional videos for $7 total for the bundle are still available at http://webby.com/120 but not much longer!
After booking my 80-year-old mother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your mother need a rental car?"
At a family get together, a young boy of about 6 years of age asks his father, "What does fornication mean?" The dad is freaked out by the question and demands to know, "Where did you hear a word like that?" "From Uncle Charlie," responds the son. Dad charges off to confront his brother. Charlie doesn't have a clue what the problem is and explains that all he said was, "For-an-occasion like this I don't mind driving all the way up the valley."

For three solid hours, the lady sitting next to a man on an airplane had told him about her grand-children. She had even produced a plastic, foldout photo album of all nine of them. She finally realized that she had dominated the entire conversation and said, "Oh, I've done all the talking. I am so sorry. I know you certainly must have something to say. Please, forgive me. You go ahead now. Tell me . . . what do you think of my grandchildren?" His answer was: "Solly, no speeka da Anglees."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Terrance McCoy, 24 in Pontiac, Michigan 2 years for swiping the date's car PONTIAC, Mich. (AP) - A Detroit man has been sentenced to at least two years in prison for stealing a woman's car after skipping out on the check during their first date. Twenty-four-year-old Terrance McCoy was sentenced Friday in Oakland County Circuit Court to two to 10 years in prison. McCoy pleaded no contest Sept. 18 to unlawfully driving away a vehicle. A no-contest plea is not an admission of guilt but is treated as a conviction at sentencing. Police say McCoy dined with the 27-year-old Southfield woman on April 24 at a restaurant in Ferndale. The woman told investigators McCoy said he forgot his wallet in her car and asked for the keys. Police say McCoy then took off in the car.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wanda Re: White Teeth scam Dear Webby I am sure you have seen those white teeth ads on the net, and now even in the spam. The ads claim a mother in a town near you invented a free or under $10 method for getting white teeth. This "mother" is always in a town near where you are, no matter how far and fast you travel. Obviously the name of the town is fake and just a browser gimmic, like the ones that look up your time. Personally, I don't go any further, once I know they have deliberately lied to me, but some of my friends believe their claims are real. What is your take on that? Wanda Dear Wanda It is just a scam. Spammers get commissions for every sheep they send to the scammers. The scammers offer a free sample, then once they have brainwashed you into trusting them, they tell you that you have to pay $2.95 shipping. With your credit card, of course. So you authorize $2.95 and give them your numbers and security code. Then on next page, the one that shows the receipt, the amount has grown to $12.90 or something like that. There is, of course, no phone number or email address to complain to, but some people found a chat link and were able to cancel everything by threatening dire consequences. Others apparently got stuck with automatically recurring $80+ charges every month. My advice is to stay as far as possible away from that scam. By the way, white teeth only look good on pictures. In real life they look phoney and vain. You get a lot more positive attention, if you open an extra button on your blouse or shirt. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by. "Och, whut's thaaat?" he said. His Canadian friend looked out and said, "Oh, that's a moose." "Och! If thaaat's a moose, hoo big are your cats aroond here?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A student essay stated: "The girl tumbled down the stairs and lay prostitute at the bottom." "In the margin of the paper, the professor commented: "My dear sir, you must learn to distinguish between a fallen woman and one who has merely slipped.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Mother had decided to trim her household budget wherever possible, so instead of having a dress dry- cleaned she washed it by hand. Proud of her savings, she boasted to my father, "Just think, Fred, we are fifteen dollars richer because I washed this dress by hand." "Good," my dad quickly replied. "Wash it five more times and we can pay the phone bill!"
» Out of this world
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Dear Webby: Email with no FROM address 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  October 2, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus. --- Mark Twain
Shirley had 2 two red ears and went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered, "I was ironing a blouse and the phone rang -- but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear." "Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But, what happened to your other ear?" "The guy called back and asked what the screaming and cussing was all about."
Sherlock Holmes : "Ah Watson, I see you are wearing your winter underwear." Watson : "Marvelous, Holmes, marvelous! How did you ever deduce that!" Sherlock Holmes : "That's elementary, my dear Watson, you've forgotten to put on your trousers."

My ex-father-in-law walked in the other day... and said, "Hey, if you keep doing that, it will make you go blind!" So I replied, "Hey Joe........ you are talking to the mop, I'm over here at the computer."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a dopey bankrobber in Hillsborough, Oregon Writing too messy for holdup HILLSBORO, Ore. -- Police say a bank robbery attempt in Hillsboro failed after a teller told the woman, who handed her a threatening note, that she couldn't read the handwriting. According to police, a 30-year-old woman walked into a Wells Fargo bank branch Wednesday and handed a teller a note that said, "Need $300 or I'll kill you. I'm serious." The teller told the woman she couldn't read the writing. While the woman stepped away to rewrite her note on a bank slip, the teller hit a silent alarm and the bank manager intervened, asking the woman how he could help her. Police and FBI agents soon arrived and arrested the woman; police say she was under the influence of drugs.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ulli Re: No visible FROM address on email Dear Webby I frequently get emails that have nothing in the FROM field. So far I haven't opened them. Are they safe or what's the story with them? Thanks Ulli Dear Ulli Just dump them. If somebody is so ashamed of themselves, that they hide their name and address, then they are up to no good. if you have MailWasher, then you can make a filter to dump that type of email without even showing it in the list of mails to download.: If the From field does not contain"@" or not "." then hide the message from the messages list, and automatically (without warning or notification) delete the message. Looks complicated, but is actually quite easy. You pull down "FROM", pull down "does not contain" type in @ pull down "FROM" type in a period, just in case some bozo writes "at" instead of @ and then put checkmarks on all that you want to happen to that email. I use that combination of actions, which is the equivalent of "murder it in the dark, unseen by anybody" for any kind of obvious garbage. If I am not going to open or read it anyway, there is no point in downloading it or cluttering up the list of mails. It can be a lot of fun crafting filters like that. After a while you build a nice arsenal and your mail gets cleaner and leaner every time you add a filter. Have FUN! DearWebby
Little Johnny came home from school one day and said, "Mom, the teacher asked me today if I had any brothers or sisters." "And what did she say when you told her you were an only child?" his mom asked. And Little Johnny said, "Well, she just let out a deep breath and said, 'Thank goodness'."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using Up Ripe Bananas I buy bananas that the store is trying to get rid of for cheap, because they are spotted and turning brown. They are fine on the inside, maybe just not as firm as most people like. I freeze these, or bananas I've let get too ripe in my own kitchen. When I have lots of them, I slice into circles and freeze on several cookie sheets, which I've lined with saran wrap or waxed paper. They make the best smoothies or 'ice cream'. By Cyndi from Angwin, CA Over-ripe bananas actually have a much better and stronger flavor. You can peel and freeze them, and some day add them to a cake or muffins for extra flavor and moisture. Preferably freeze them in rigid containers, not ziplock baggies, that interlock and require you to burgle your freezer with a crowbar. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have ANY idea how long it's going to take me to find a lawyer?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Young Aaron Finkelstein came home in great excitement, saying, "Father! Father! On the way back from school, I ran home behind the bus all the way and saved the fifty-cent bus fare." The father replied by slapping the son on the cheek as he shouted, "Spendthrift! Why didn't you run behind a cab and save $5.00?"
» Road Trip
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Dear Webby: : Confirmed Opt-In problem for Earthlink users 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  October 1, 2009

There is a theory which states that if ever anyone discovers exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has already happened. --- Douglas Adams
A hospital posted a notice in the nurses' station saying: "Remember, the first five minutes of a human being's life are the most dangerous." Underneath, a nurse had written: "The last five are pretty risky, too...."
One of the matrons of the church was cooking a pot of her famous beans for the church potluck, and her son, Little Johnny, came running through the house, BB gun in one hand, and a handful of BBs in the other. He tripped and the BBs, naturally, went right into the pot of beans. Thinking it over, Little Johnny could think of no reason why he should risk punishment, so he said nothing. The dinner went well, and, as usual, the beans were one of the favorite dishes. The next day, the church secretary, Mary, called Little Johnny's mother and said, "Jane, your beans were delicious as usual, but what did you put in them this time?" Jane replied, "Nothing new, why do you ask?" "Well," said Mary, "this morning I bent over to feed the cat and shot the canary."
Above high water
"Welcome to heaven, here's your harp and your tuning key." "Welcome to hell, here's your harp." Q: What's the difference between a lawnmower and a bagpipe? A: Lawnmowers can be tuned.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Billy Ray Hale, 21 of Jonesborough, Tennessee Police Bonanza JONESBOROUGH, Tenn. — Washington County authorities say a motorcyclist riding down the road without a helmet led to a series of discoveries and three arrests. The Johnson City Press reports that when officers stopped 21-year-old Billy Ray Hale outside his home on Tuesday, they found he wasn't alone. Hale also had an 18-month-old baby on board, also without a helmet. As they wrote him up for reckless endangerment, evading arrest and driving on a suspended license, officers learned another man at the home was a fugitive from North Carolina. They arrested him as well. But before the officers could leave, they spotted a third man breaking into a nearby barn. So they arrested him, too.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Earthlink Re: Challenge-response I have had an Earthlink account since the days when Earthlink's current "support" staff was still in diapers, mostly just for traveling and as a back-up for when my DSL is down. It is rather sad. Earthlink used to be such a good company. I don't have a problem with my own Earthlink account, but a lot of Earthlink users have problems wth receiving postcards or subscribing to newsletters. They use an optional Challenge-Response system, that is not adequately explained to them, and don't get their mail. For example, let's say Betty-Sue wants to subscribe to her curch newsletter, a prim and proper newsletter that obbeys the law according to the CANSPAM act and sends an email to her to verify that she actually wants the curch newsletter, and was not secretly subscribed by a pastor, who wants to increase the size of his list. Well, poor ol Betty-Sue never gets that request to authorize, because the Earthlink Challenge-Response system sends an email to the newsletter program, expecting it to fill out a page full of stupid questions. Naturally, the newsletter program, which was expecting a response from Betty-Sue, not from whitedove3@earthlink.net, considers that a moron malfunction, and dumps it. It . The request to authorize is sent by an auto-responder, and any response to an auto-responder by another auto-responder would lead to a loop, that could escalate to bring the Internet down, if it was not dumped. That is pretty basic and well understood by all programmers, except those at Earthlink. So I wrote to Earthlink support about it. Naturally, nobody there knows how to read email, and an auto-responder told me to try their support chat. After wasting time getting into a chat written for Netscape and telling me to use Netscape or IE, - yeah, I do still remember the good old days of Netscape -, I finally got connected to one of their pet Taliban. I asked him if he knew what Double-Opt-In or Confirmed Opt in meant and was all about. He had aboslutely no clue. He didn't even know if that was a cave or edible. So I patiently explained it to him, using small words and short sentences, but I doubt that he understood. He didn't know which canned response to paste. He simply could not understand that it was not me, who had a problem, but that Earthlink had to tell their users to FIRST whitelist, then subscribe, NOT first subscribe and then complain, that they don't get what they wanted to subscribe to. So, if you have friends on Earthlink, please explain the Confirmed Opt-In system to them. Have FUN! DearWebby
A three year old put his shoes on by himself. His mother noticed the left shoe was on the right foot. She said, "Son, your shoes are on the wrong feet." He looked up with a puzzled look and said, "Mom, thefe are MY feet!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Capping a Caulk Tube When cutting the top off a tube of caulking, save the end piece. When you are finished using the caulking, turn the piece around and insert into the tube hole. You have a perfect cap and no more dried out caulking. By Connie from Evansville, IN A large lag screw doesn't get spit out when the flexible caulk expands and contracts with temperature changes and keeps the caulk usable much longer. DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After putting her children to bed, a mother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse, put the green mud-pack on her face, the teeth-whitening cartridge in her mouth and proceeded to wash her hair and stick curlers into it. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. At last she threw a towel over her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard her three-year-old say with a trembling voice, "Who was that monfter ?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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Jimmie and Johnnie were spending the night at their grandparents. At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their prayers when the younger one began praying at the top of his lungs, "I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE. I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO. I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR..." His older brother leaned over and nudged the younger brother and said, "Why are you shouting your prayers? God isn't deaf." To which the little brother replied, "I know, but Gramma is!"
» Another Road Trip
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Dear Webby: Characters that are not on the keyboard, extended characters 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 30, 2009

Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it. --- Richard Lamm "A man may be a fool and not know it... but not if he is married." --- H.L. Mencken
A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of beer. Amazed, the bartender says: "Hey, you can talk!" "Sure-mumble-quack-mumble" says the duck, "Now can I get that mumble-quack-mumble beer mumble- quack-mumble ?" Shaking his head, the barkeep serves the duck a pint and asks him what he's doing in the area. "I work at the mumble-quack-mumble airport", says the duck. "You should join the circus", says the barkeep. "You could make a mint." "The mumble-quack-mumble circus!" the duck replies. "What the mumble-quack-mumble would the mumble-quack-mumble circus want with an airport flight departure announcer mumble-quack-mumble with a mumble-quack-mumble speech defect?"
Some goofy quotes to sneak onto your church bulletin board - Sex on the television can't hurt you . . . unless you fall off. - Love thine enemies...it REALLY pisses them off. - I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it. - A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend. A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

Three men at the local Funny-Farm are in the office for a memory test. The doctor asks the first man, "What is three times three ?" "274," is his reply. The doctor rolls his eyes and looks up at the ceiling, and asks the second man, "It's your turn. What is three times three ?" "Tuesday," replies the second man. The doctor shakes his head sadly, then asks the third man, "Okay, your turn. What's three times three ?" "Nine," says the third man. "That's great!" says the doctor. "How did you get that?" "Simple," he says, "Just subtract 274 from Tuesday."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Chris Karamon, of 1307 Hope St., Stamford, CT Pushy Skater STAMFORD -- A 43-year-old Stamford in-line skater is charged with risk of injury to a minor and assault after a confrontation with a father and his two sons over the right-of-way on a path in Cove Island Park Monday morning, police said. Skater Chris Karamon, of 1307 Hope St., was charged with risk of injury to a minor, third-degree assault, fourth-degree criminal mischief, and breach of peace, according to Stamford Police Lt. Sean Cooney. Shortly after 9 a.m. Monday, Karamon was skating down the path when he shouted and cursed at the father that his 4-year-old son on a tricycle was in a designated area for in-line skaters, police said. "Mr. Karamon's contention is that the 4-year-old was on the wrong side of the path," Cooney said. "But the path is for use by everybody and we can't have Rollerbladers or anybody cursing out people." A short while later, Karamon was approaching the family again and collided with the father who shielded his 4- and 2-year-old sons, Cooney said. Karamon fell to the ground, and threw his helmet and water bottle at the father, police said. Several bystanders called police, Cooney said, and another witness intervened to separate Karamon and the father. Karamon was released on $10,000 bond, and is to appear in state Superior Court in Stamford on Oct. 13.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sherry Re: Characters that are not opn the keyboard Dear Webby, When you use the copyright sign and other fancy characters, that are not on the keyboard, how do you make them? Thanks Sherry Dear Sherry You turn on the NUM-LOCK, hold down the ALT key and type the code number of the character on the numeric keypad. When you let go of the ALT key, the extended character appears. The codes are at http://webby.com/char If you have a laptop without a numeric key pad, then it gets awkward, especially if you are handicapped with Vista. In that case, plug any regular keyboard into a USB port, or copy the characters from http://webby.com/char and paste them where you need them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Heard on a WestJet flight: As you exit the plane, please make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Creating a School Year Folder Years ago when my kids started school every year I took a picture of each of them the first day of school. I taped the picture to a large manila folder. I wrote on the outside the teachers name, school and who were the friends at that time. I also made a note of the answer when asked "What do I want to be when I grow up". All year long I collected mementos from the school year. I even kept the autographed picture of McGyver. I kept each of these manila folders in a box together. I plowed through them last year and created a school scrap book for each. What an amazing time travel I had and both of them got teary eyed when I gave them their books for Christmas. By Notwrong Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Little Johnny's teacher sent a note home to his Mother saying, "Johnny seems to be a very bright boy, but spends too much of his time thinking about sex and girls." The Mother wrote back the next day, "If you find a solution, please advise. I have the same problem with his Father."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A man was invited for dinner at a friends house. Every time the host needed something, he precede his request to his wife by calling her "My Love", "Darling", "Sweetheart", etc., etc. His friend looked at him and said, "that's really nice after all of these years you've been married to keep saying those little pet names." The host said, "Well, to tell you the truth, I've forgotten her name."
» Secret menus
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Dear Webby: Auto-repeat DVDs 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 29, 2009

"It is not enough to have great qualities. We should also have the management of them." --- Duc Francois de La Rochefouchaud "The tree in which the sap is stagnant remains fruitless." --- Hosea Ballou
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Thanks to Frank for telling us about his fun weightloss program: Clever Scam - taking advantage of older men Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it. This will only become more commonplace as the weather warms. A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular Lowe's, Home Depot, or Costco customers. This one caught me by surprise. Over the last month I became a victim of a clever scam while out shopping. Simply going out to get supplies has turned out to be quite traumatic. Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam works: Two seriously good-looking 20-something girls come over to your car as you are packing your shopping into the trunk. They both start wiping your windshield with a rag and Windex, with their breasts almost falling out of their skimpy T-shirts. It is impossible not to look. When you thank them and offer them a tip, they say 'No' and instead ask you for a ride to McDonalds. You agree and they get into the back seat. On the way, they start undressing. Then one of them climbs over into the front seat and starts crawling all over you, while the other one steals your wallet. I had my wallet stolen June 4th, 9th, 10th, twice on the 15th,17th, 20th, 24th, & 29th. Also July 1st & 4th, twice on the 8th, 16th, 23rd, 26th & 28th, three times last Monday and very likely again this upcoming weekend. So tell your friends to be careful. What a horrible way to take ad vantage of older men. Warn your friends to be vigilant. Wal-Mart has wallets on sale for $2.99 each. I found cheaper ones for $1.99 at K- Mart and bought them out. Also, you never will get to eat at McDonalds. I've already lost 11 pounds just running back and forth to Lowe's, Home Depot, and Costco.
Overheard at the Ohio State / Michigan game last weekend: First mother: "What position does your son play on the team?" Second mom: "I'm not sure. I think he's one of the drawbacks."
Bumpy Ride
Two church members were going door to door. They knocked on the door of a woman who clearly was not happy to see them. She told them in no uncertain terms she did not want to hear their message and then slammed the door in their faces. To her surprise, the door did not close. In fact, it bounced back open. She tried again, really put her back into the job, and slammed the door again. Same results. The door bounced back like it was made of Silly Putty. Convinced one of these rude church members was sticking a foot in the door, she reared back to give the door a slam that would teach them a lesson. The door almost closed, but not quite. Then, one of the church members said, "Ma'am, before you do that again, you might want to move your cat."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a goose hater from Salt Lake City, Utah Goose hater on the loose A man who is in Rochester for a wedding is in custody for allegedly getting mad at one of the city's goose statues, "just because it was a goose." Police Capt. Brian Winters said the 28-year-old man will be charged with a felony for kicking and hitting the goose statue in front of the library on Second Street Southeast. Winters said the statue is valued at $5,500. There's no damage estimate. An officer on patrol saw a man running west on Second Street Southeast about 12:15 a.m. Sunday. He saw the man kick the base of the statue and hit its head. The officer said he could hear the blows in his squad car. The officer stopped the man, who said he had been at a wedding party and was staying in the city. The man is from Salt Lake City. He had a blood-alcohol level of 0.24 percent, police said, and was taken to detox. The goose statue is part of the Goose is Loose public art promotion by the Rochester Arts Council. This is the first report of vandalism to any of the 18 goose statues.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jennifer Re: Auto-Repeat for DVDs Dear Webby, Thank you for all of your tips, I save every one of them! I have a question about "repeated" play with DVDs. When I go to work I will pop a movie into my PC to play for my dogs. The only series with this option is Baby Einstein, other than that I cannot select "repeat play". Do you know how I can do this with other movies? Thanks! Jennifer Dear Jennifer That option has to be made available when the CD or DVD is created. If it is not on the DVD, then you can't select that. Why don't you just put on some Internet TV or Internet radio plus a screen saver? If you send me a bunch of pictures of you and/or the dogs, I can turn them into a screen saver. Have FUN! DearWebby
Discovering too late that a watermelon spiked with vodka had accidentally been served to a luncheon meeting of local ministers, the restaurant's owner waited nervously for the clerics' reaction. "Quick, man," he whispered to the waiter, "what did they say?" "Nothing," replied the waiter. "They were all too busy slipping the seeds into their pockets."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Garden From Early Frost No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

You may have heard about a new bride who was a bit embarrassed to be known as a honeymooner. Hilda was like that. So when she and her new husband husband pulled up to the hotel, she asked him if there was any way that they could make it appear that they had been married a long time. He responded, "Easy! Just carry your own suitcase."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
A couple with three children waited in line at San Francisco's Pier 41 to purchase tickets for a boat trip to Alcatraz, the historic prison island. Others watched with varying degrees of sympathy and irritation as the young children fidgeted, whined, and punched one another. The frazzled parents reprimanded them to no avail. Finally, they reached the ticket window. "Five tickets, please," the father said. "Two round trip, three one way."
» Invisible Man
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Dear Webby, how to rename files to sequential numbers? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 28, 2009

I daresay one profits more by the mistakes one makes off one's own bat than by doing the right thing on somebody's else advice. --- W. Somerset Maugham,
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Little Johnny and his family were having a fancy dinner at his Uncle Rodney's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When Little Johnny received his plate, he started eating right away. "Johnny, wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to," the boy replied. "Of course you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at OUR house." "That's at OUR house," Johnny explained. "But this is Uncle Rodney's house and HIS cooking ALWAYS turns out OK!"
Flying to Los Angeles from San Francisco the other day, a passenger noticed that the "Fasten Seat Belts" sign was kept lit during the whole journey, although the flight was a particularly smooth one. Just before landing, he asked the stewardess about it. "Well," she explained, "up front there are 17 University of California girls going to Los Angeles for the weekend. In back, there are 25 Coast Guard enlistees . . . What would you do?"
Thanks to my dad for this picture: These bloomed today
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police Officials in Brisbane, Australia Uproar over naked drill BRISBANE, Australia (UPI) -- Officials in Australia say they are investigating a high-profile streaking incident in which the perpetrators are said to have been five police officers. Five members of the Queensland hostage negotiation-and-bomb squad were suspended this week after allegedly staging at least four naked "Chinese fire drills" on the streets of Brisbane during a raucous Sunday bachelor party. The Times of London reported Brisbane police didn't see the humor in the incident and turned the matter over to an ethics committee. The newspaper said the circumstances go far beyond a lack of clothing. It appears the officers -- who ranged in rank from senior constable on up to sergeant -- were traveling in an unmarked police vehicle at the time and at least one of them was on duty. -------- Well, so what? And tomorrow you expect them to defuse bombs and negotiate with armed hostage takers. That prank rates a chuckle, not disciplinary action!
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Patricia Re: Numbering files Dear dear Wonderful Webby. Sometime ago you told us how to number many files at one time by just clicking a couple of keys. I didn't need it then but I sure do now! Can you repeat the instructions again please. Thank you. Patricia Dear Patricia There are lots of free renamers available. I tested a whole bunch of them and found Rename Master to be the easiest to use. It is completely free, not a trial. You can download it from Rename Master Have FUN! DearWebby
A pastor was giving the children's lesson during a sunday morning service on the Ten Commandments. After explaining the commandment to "honor they father and thy mother," he asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat, one five-year old boy answered loudly, "Thou shalt not kill!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Protect Your Garden From Early Frost When it's time for frost to hit and we still have veggies that are still producing, we drape sheets or blankets over the veggies before dark. Then when we get up in the morning before the sun is fully out, we take the sheets or blankets off, so as to not bruise the veggies or give them black spot, especially on the tomatoes. By Betsy from Hoagland, IN Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more than a minute later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
. If you don't get it, then you, your mother or your ISP have Ophelia blocked
Little Johnny's new baby brother was screaming up a storm, and Little Johnny asked his mom, "Where did we get him?" His mother replied, "He came from heaven, Johnny." Johnny said, "Well I can see why they threw HIM out!"
» Spiky trees
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Dear Webby, how do I fix "generic Host Error"? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 27, 2009

"When I give a lecture, I accept that people look at their watches, but what I do not tolerate is when they look at it and raise it to their ear to find out if it stopped." --- Marcel Achard The principal mark of genius is not perfection but originality, the opening of new frontiers. --- Arthur Koestler
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 
Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

After tucking their three-year-old child Sammy in for bed one night, his parents heard sobbing coming from his room. Rushing back in, they found him crying hysterically. He managed to tell them that he had swallowed a penny and he was sure he was going to die. No amount of talking helped. His father, in an attempt to calm him down, palmed a penny from his pocket and pretended to pull it from Sammy's ear. Sammy was delighted. In a flash, he snatched it from his father's hand, swallowed it, then cheerfully demanded, "Do it again, Daddy!"
The young man entered the Ice Cream Palace and asked, "What kinds of ice cream do you have?" "Vanilla, chocolate, strawberry," the girl wheezed as she spoke, patted her chest and seemed unable to continue. "Do you have laryngitis?" the man asked sympathetically. "Nope," she whispered, "just vanilla, chocolate and strawberry."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral ‘Most Wanted’ criminal nabbed stealing DS games The scene is a Wal.Mart in Fort Myers, Fla., where career criminal at large, Daniel Larson, 32, of Cape Coral, is attempting to leave the store with “video games in his pants and shoes.” A loss prevention officer at the 1619 Del Prado Blvd store confronts him and he tries to flee but the criminal is quickly detained until the police arrived. When police arrive they find $120 worth of Nintendo DS games on the moron. Now this might be an ordinary story if it was just a case of shoplifting, but it turns out that Larson is on the Lee County Most Wanted List after he managed to get out of jail (on another larceny charge on Sept. 5) with a fake I.D. So here’s this guy shoplifting at Wal.Mart with an active warrant for his arrest already outstanding and he gets take down by - of all people - a Walmart Greeter. Larson is a career criminal with two convictions for armed robbery with a deadly weapon in 1999 and 2004, and another 1999 conviction for kidnapping. Larsen later told police that he was going to sell the video games to fuel his long standing heroin addiction. Larsen’s adventure will cost him. He now faces such charges as violating pre-trial supervision, larceny, resisting a property recovery retail merchant, using false identification, forgery, violating parole and all the other charges he faced before he managed to escape jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Sharon Re: Generic Host error Dear Webby; What nice relaxing pic today. Makes me wish I was with them. I stilll get a generic host error message occasionally. I have been told it has to do with some 3rd party programs. Is there a way to block these 3rd party programs? Also what do you know about the new windows 7 that is due to come out in Oct? I still have windows 6. Thanks for all your wonderul humor & tech answers.. Sharon Dear Sharon The Generic Host Error is actually a Windows bug. They even admitted it and wrote a hotfix for it. It is at http://support.microsoft.com/kb/894391 Scroll down to Windows XP, 32-bit versions download and run that hotfix. Windows 6 is Vista You are probably thinking of Windows XP and IE6 Windows 7 is even slower than Vista, and from what the testers write, has absolutely no "Need to have" stuff that XP does not have. Just more bugs and "undocumented features" So, double your money, fold it and stick it back into your wallet. Have FUN! DearWebby
Bumper sticker on a Winnebago with a Florida license plate: If you think we can't vote, wait till you see us drive!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Freezing Ground Beef I cook up 10 pounds of ground beef at a time and then divide it up into one pound packages (our family's size). Then I freeze it. When I get home from work, all the hard stuff is done and I can make tacos, casseroles or whatever quickly. Valerie Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Years ago in a small country store I saw an elderly woman asking to buy three pounds of lard and have it put into an empty pail she was carrying. The son of the owner was minding the store while the father had gone to lunch. He stated "Ma'am, your pail will only hold two pounds." She looked at him as if he were simple minded and said " Where is your daddy? He has been putting three pounds of lard in this pail for the last twentyfive years!!!!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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Customer at a counter of a lawn ornament shop: "Give me four of those pinwheels, two of those pink flamingos, two of the sunflowers, and one of those bent-over grandmas in bloomers." Cashier reply's: "That'll be eight dollars for the pinwheels, ten dollars for the flamingos, six dollars for the sunflowers, and an apology to my wife!"
» Anatomy 101
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Dear Webby, what is an Affiliate? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 26, 2009

A cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition. --- William Arthur Ward One of the nice things about problems is that a good many of them do not exist except in our imaginations. --- Steve Allen
NOT A JOKE
120 videos covering all technical aspects about making money
on the internet, including Affiliate Marketing    
$7.-- for the bundle, not each! 

You can even make these 120 videos your first 
Affiliate Marketing venture, and make a pile of money before
the weekend is over. You even get a sales page with your code,
send your friends to it, and for every one of them, who is smart
enough to grab this exceptional deal, YOU get $7 into your
PayPal. 

Do you realize what that means?
If you have ONE smart friend, your cost of getting into business
is paid back! 

If you have TWO smart friends, 
then your business shows a NET PROFIT!

How many of the people, to whom you forward jokes and
pictrures, are smart enough to invest $7 in their own future?
You probably didn't pick ALL of them just for their looks,
and you might be in a much higher tax bracket before the
weekend is over.

Give yourself a chance!
You are worth it!
DearWebby

Whenever my aunt went to the doctor, she would complain to me about the long delay she always endured. One day, when my aunt's name was finally called, she was asked to step on the scale. "I need to get your weight today," said the nurse. Without a moment's hesitation, my aunt replied, "One hour and 45 minutes!"
A friend who prides himself of being an amateur psychiatrist was a guest at a gathering, and the hostess naturally broached the subject in which he was most at ease. "Would you mind telling me," she asked, "how you detect a mental deficiency in somebody who appears completely normal?" "Nothing is easier," he replied. "You ask a simple question which anyone should answer with no trouble. If he hesitates, that puts you on the track." "What sort of question?" "Well, you might ask him, 'Captain Cook made three trips around the world and died during one of them. Which one?'" The hostess thought a moment, then said with a nervous laugh, "You wouldn't happen to have another example would you? I must confess I don't know much about history."
Thanks to Sue for sending this picture: Last trail ride to the landing on Lake Diefenbaker for 2009
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to a Swedish Government vehicle inspector Vehicle inspection driver crashes iconic Ferrari A Ferrari worth 3 million kronor ($434,000) was left nursing a crumpled front end after a hapless Swedish motor vehicle inspection driver took it for an impromptu spin. Before the crash The Ferrari F40 had been recently imported into Sweden by Von Braun Sports Cars in Skene in southern Sweden and was duly subjected to a routine registration inspection in nearby Kinna on Thursday. But when the state-owned Swedish Motor Vehicle Inspection Company (Bilprovningen) driver sat behind the wheel of the powerful Italian sports car something went seriously awry and the vehicle lurched into a fence in the test area. "It is not an easy vehicle to handle, if you are not used to it. A thoroughbred you could say," Torbjörn von Braun, CEO of Von Braun Sports Cars, told The Local on Friday. The red Ferrari sustained damage to its front end in the crash which left the driver shaken from his experience. "I spoke to him yesterday and he wasn't feeling too good about it, I don't think he would have slept much last night," von Braun told The Local. The issue of reponsibility had not yet been established. "It is an issue for our insurance company." While the vehicle is a rare "collector's item" von Braun explained that the damage is repairable and the car would be back on the road before long. "Had it been performing on a race track they would have had the body part ready and replaced within 20 minutes. It is expensive, but can be repaired," he told The Local.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:William Re: What is an Affiliate Seller? Dear Webby, Lately I read a lot about Affiliate sellers making ridiculous amounts of money, and your 120 videos deal looks like something like that. Can you please 'splain it in small words? Thanks William Dear William It is actually quite simple, so simple that most people worry about a hidden catch or complication. There isn't one. You find a product to promote, become an affiliate of hat company, they give you a number, and you ask people to use that number when they go buy the product that you recommend. As soon as they buy, you get your commission. Some products, like for example MailWasher, pay a very small, barely noticeable commission, but I have promoted them for four years for free before they set up an affiliate system, because I like their product and because I think it will make your life easier. Other products pay up to 100% commissions for a first sale, and plan to make their profit on the customer coming back for other stuff that they also sell. The 120 videos is one of that type. When you buy the video bundle, they ask you for your PayPal address (not the password), and give you a URL to promote. That URL has your code in it. When you send your smart sister there and she buys the video bundle, her $7 come directly to your PayPal. If she is the chatty type and sends HER URL to her 35,000 Twitter followers, and 20,000 of them are smart enough to buy the video bundle, she makes a cool $140,000 bucks and tells you to get off your butt and do the same. It is not a complicated MLM deal. You don't get a share of her earnings. You simply get the commission on the people, whom YOU drag in out of the rain. With most affiliate deals a ready made page is provided for you. It has your code built in. You don't have to do anything except send the URL of YOUR page to your friends, sit back and observe which ones are smart enough. That can be a very amusing eye opener! You can, of course also advertise any way you want, except for spamming. If you get caught spamming, your number gets cut instantly. Any other method of advertising is fair game. Just don't dawdle. Otherwise your smart sister will get to all those people before you! Congratulations to the people who were smart and swift enough to already jump at that 120 videos video bundle, just from the brief mention yesterday. Fastest way to pay off the mortgage! Have FUN! DearWebby
Not far from here we have a friend who raises Brahma Bulls. I asked how he got them to breed so well, since he has a very nice herd. He said that he gave the bulls potency pills. I asked what the pills were made of. He said "I don't really know, but they taste a little like a saltine."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Turn Rubber Gloves Into Rubber Bands What do you do when your rubber cleaning gloves get a hole or one of the pair is lost? Don't throw them away. Cut them into strips. They make great heavy duty rubber bands. Put them around hardcover books; they will stay together. Newspapers won't get loose even in a bad wind! They work great in attaching bean poles together. But they will crush tender vines, be careful! By Tim from Science Hill Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Sue noticed her husband standing on the bathroom scale, sucking in his ample stomach. Thinking he was trying to weigh less with this maneuver, she quipped, "I don't think that is going to help much, hon." "Sure it does," he said. "How else can I can see the numbers?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
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A distinguished clergyman and a friend are playing golf. It is a very close match, and at the last hole the two are only one stroke apart. The clergyman tees up, addresses the ball, swings his driver with great force -- and slices the ball deep into the woods. The clergyman glares and bites his lip. His face turns crimson, but he says nothing. His opponent looks at him for a moment and then remarks, "Reverend, that is the most profane silence I have ever heard."
» Beever pavement art
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Dear Webby: SWF Player 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 25, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

As a retired Theologian with many years experience, I have concluded that most people earnestly desire to serve God -- In an advisory capacity. --- Dr. W.C. Farmer
DUMBWAITER: Waiter who asks if the kids would care to order dessert AMNESIA: Condition that enables a woman who has changed 600 diapers to make love again. FEEDBACK: The inevitable result when your baby doesn't appreciate the strained broccoli.
A woman reported the disappearance of her husband to the police. The officer in charge looked at the photograph she handed him, questioned her, and then asked if she wished to give her husband any message if they found him. "Yes," she replied. "Tell him . . . mother didn't come after all."
Thanks to Carolyn for sending this picture:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Davor Ivanovic, Croatia Radio show catches out cheating hubby A cheating husband was caught out - when his wife arranged a live call from his favourite radio programme as a birthday treat. Davor Ivanovic was supposed to be alone on a business trip to Zagreb, Croatia. But when DJ Barbara Kolar called his room a woman answered and said he was taking a shower. When he came to the phone he claimed the woman had been his wife - while his furious real-life wife Jasna was listening in on another line. Ignoring pleas from radio staff to keep quiet she screamed at her hapless husband: "Who are you with?" And stunned Davor shouted at the show hosts before hanging up: "Why have you done this to me? We have kids."
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Ella Re: SWF player Dear Webby, I bought a $697 course that consists of access to whole bunch of videos. It's easy enough to log in and watch them, but I want to be able to watch them at the cabin, where I can't go on-line. I managed to capture them, but they are in SWF format. Should I buy a converter to convert that to MP3 or wmf, or is there an affordable SWF player available? Thanks Ella Dear Ella I use SWIFF. It is a free and hassle free SWF player. It even offers to become your default SWF player during the installation. Put a checkmark on that, and your SWF worries are ancient history. It doesn't overreach it's territory and try to grab authority over files it can't handle like Quiccrap or Windows Media Player do, but it handles SWF files perfectly, often better than the original on-line player. You can download SWIFF free at Swiff It is not a bait and switch trial or teaser, but the full program. They don't even beg for donations! I have been and am quite impressed with Swiff. By the way, if you are interested in a video course that has 120 videos teaching you all aspects of making money with an Internet business, click on http://webby.com/120 I bought into it and you can now get the entire series of 120 videos for $7. It is worth about $700, but for a few days you can get it there for just $7 If you are in the least bit interested in making money on the net, grab it quickly before the price goes back up to $700. Have FUN! DearWebby
A Yuppie was sent a ransom note saying that he was to bring $50,000 to the 17th hole of the country club at 10 o'clock the next day if he ever wanted to see his laptop again. He didn't arrive until almost 12:30. A masked man stepped out from behind some bushes and growled, "What took ya so long? You're over two hours late." "Hey! Give me a break," whined the Yuppie. "I have a 27 handicap."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Coffee Filter for Potting You can use a paper coffee filter to put in a flower pot to cover the hole, before putting the soil in. It keeps the soil from running out when being watered. By Gracie Pie from Astor, FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Following an especially angry argument, Mr. and Mrs. Smith went to bed not speaking to each other. Needing to arise early the following morning, Mr. Smith left a note on his wife's bedside table that said, "Wake me at six." An exasperated Mr. Smith awoke at ten the following morning and rolled stiffly out of bed to see a note on his bedside table: "It's six, you lazy bum! Get out of bed!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for adults.
Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the confirmation request
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A robust-looking and very well dressed gentleman ate a fine meal at an expensive restaurant and topped it off with some Napoleon brandy, then he summoned the headwaiter. "Do you recall," he asked pleasantly, "how a year ago, I ate just such a repast here and then, because I couldn't pay for it, you beat me up and had me thrown into the gutter like a common bum?" "I'm very sorry sir." began the contrite headwaiter. "Oh, it's quite all right." said the guest, "but I'm afraid I'll have to trouble you for the same chore again."
» Pianolady
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Dear Webby: Internet Radio 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 24, 2009


"Life is what happens to you while you're busy making other plans." --- John Lennon
Thanks to Dianne for this story: After staying up far too late one night watching football, my husband fell asleep in his chair in front of the television. He looked so comfortable I couldn't bear to wake him and just let him spend the night there. In the morning, I shook him awake and said, "Get up, it's twenty to seven." Without missing a beat, he said, "Which team has twenty?"
First Hunter (panting): "I just met a great big bear in the woods!" Second Hunter: "Good! Did you give him both barrels?" First Hunter: "Both barrels? I gave him the whole gun!!"
Thanks to Trish for sending these pictures: Bondi Beach Sydney Australia early today 23.09.2009 Sydney Harbour Bridge Australia early today 23.09.2009 Sydey Australia early today 23.09.2009
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kristopher Wayne Kuster of Crestview, Florida Stolen property recovered with thief's wallet inside CRESTVIEW — On Sept. 17, deputies responded to a home on Pandora Drive that had been burglarized. Over 16 items were stolen valued at a total of $4,150. Among the items were several guns, knives, money and a camera, according to a report from the Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office. Following the initial investigation, the victim informed officers that his neighbor had found a gun case hidden underneath some azalea bushes. Deputies speculate that the case was to be picked up at a later time. The victim identified the case as his and several items inside the case were also identified as his. Deputies also found a black wallet containing a chrome chain with the Florida Driver’s License and Social Security Card for Kristopher Wayne Kuster. Deputies went to the address listed on his license, which was approximately 300 yards from the victim’s home. An interview was conducted with both Kuster and the woman he was living with. The woman provided information about seeing the stolen property and the time-frame that Kuster left to commit the burglary. Kuster was taken into custody and later provided information on the woman he was living with that was an accomplice in the act. Kuster was arrested for armed burglary, criminal mischief and grand theft.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Adriane Re: Internet radio Dear Webby, We moved and I don't at all like the local radio stations. You once mentioned some Internet radio, but at that time I was not interested. Is there one that is safe and does not require joining anything or buying a special player? Thanks Adriane Dear Adriane Accuradio is safe and works just fine with FierFox or IE6, and probably many other browsers too. You don't need any special player. Just open a fresh browser window, browse to that link, select one of the about 20 channels, adjust the volume and size that window down to credit card or stamp size, so that you just see the volume and the skip control. Then open a separate browser window for your regular stuff. If you just open it in a tab, it is harder to find, if you need to silence it quickly for a voice call. The volume control on it is independent of your main volume control, and it doesn't interfere with Skype calls. You can leave it playing. However, with landline or cell calls on hand sets that have a very small microphone and greatly amplify the input, you will need to pause the radio. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little girl was wearing one of those Medical Alert bracelets. Someone asked her what the bracelet was for. She replied, "I'm allergic to nuts and eggs." The person asked, "Are you allergic to cats too?" The little girl said, "I don't know..... I haven't learned how to cook those yet."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hang Shelves in Front of Your Windows If you need more space and have no place to hang shelves you can hang open-backed shelves in front of your windows. In the kitchen, this is a great place to store colored glass ware (like depression or cobalt glass) because the sun looks great shining through the glass. And in a craft room you can put clear plastic shoe boxes with your crafts inside. Just remember to never store fabric or things that can absorb moisture on a window shelf, but window shelves are a great place to store your pottery, dishes and glasses! By CDR Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After the plane reached a comfortable cruising altitude, the captain made an announcement over the intercom, "Ladies and gentlemen, this is your captain speaking. Welcome to Flight Number 293, nonstop from Calgary to Denver. The weather ahead is good and therefore we should have a smooth and uneventful flight. Now sit back and relax - OH MY GOD, NO, AHHH!!!" Silence followed and after a few minutes, the captain came back on the intercom and said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, I am so sorry if I scared you earlier, but while I was talking, the flight attendant brought me a cup of very hot coffee and spilled it in my lap. You should see the front of my pants!" A passenger in Coach said, "That's nothing! ............He should see the BACK of MINE!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Thanks to Ethel for this one: Dear Webby, want to make a tasty and nutritious meal out of those left-over banana peels? Put them in a coffee can and bury them to a depth of two feet. Leave them there all summer. When you dig them up and open the can, the odor is so bad that it will actually cause birds to fall from the sky. Cook birds at 400 degrees for half an hour. Sincerely, Ethel.
» Australia
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Dear Webby: Which defragmenter? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 23, 2009


Press: "How did you find America?" --- John Lennon: "Turn left at Greenland." [During an interview with The Beatles.] You cannot make a man by standing a sheep on its hind legs. But by standing a flock of sheep in that position, you can make a crowd of men. --- Max Beerbohm
Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, "Yes we made good time, but look, that little red tanker got here first and is ready for us already!"
A college student in a philosophy class was taking his first examination. On the paper there was a single line which simply said: "Is this a question?" - Discuss. After a short time he wrote: "If that is a question, then this is an answer." The student received an "A" on the exam.
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Morning-Mist-on-Lake-Diefenbaker
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jesse Williams, 28, of Petros, Tennessee Woman, 75, shoots burglar, rescues son PETROS, Tenn. (UPI) -- Authorities in Tennessee's Morgan County said a 75-year-old woman shot and wounded a man who allegedly broke into her son's home and fought with him. William Angel, chief sheriff's deputy, said Jesse Williams, 28, allegedly broke into the Petros home of David Brandenburg, 43, Thursday night and the men began fighting, the Knoxville (Tenn.) News-Sentinel reported Friday. Angel said Ruth Robbins, 75, Brandenburg's mother and next-door neighbor, heard the commotion when the fight spilled into the yard. The deputy said Williams assaulted Robbins when she initially tried to intervene, leading her to shoot him in the leg. Williams was treated and released from a hospital. He was charged with burglary, aggravated assault and simple assault. Angel said Robbins will not face any charges.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Lu Re: Which Diskeeper Dear Webby, I remember that you have recommended "Disk Keeper" as a way to improve my computer's performance. I went on their site through your site, and would have bought it, but there were SOOO many versions I wasn't sure what to get. I have three computers on my network, one of which is my netbook. Of course, I'd like the cheap one, but not if it isn't going to improve the whole network. I'd be happy to buy you two cups of coffee if I could do something to help all of my little computer friends. >/i> Dear Lu The version you need is Diskeeper 2009 Professional You COULD use three individual packages. Together, they cost just as much, but don't give you central management. With Diskeeper 2009 Professional you can control from your main machine when each machine is defragmented and how. None is missed, and all are running at top speed. The proper defrag and optimizing that Diskeeper does makes your hard drives outlast the rest of the machine. I have not had a single drive crash since I finally got DisKeeper about ten years ago. Incidentally, Diskeeper 2009 Professional is the version I use myself. Have FUN! DearWebby
A little boy returned from Sunday School with a new perspective on the Christmas story. He had learned all about the Wise Men from the East who brought gifts to the Baby Jesus. He was so excited he just had to tell his parents: "I learned in Sunday School today all about the very first Christmas! There wasn't a fat Santa Claus way back then, so these three skinny guys who smoked camels had to deliver all the toys!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save With a Vacuum Sealer Five years ago, I brought a vacuum sealer on sale for $20. We save a lot of money using by resealing snack packages and breaking down family packs of meat into smaller portions. Since 2006, we've experienced an economic downturn that forces us to shop out the freezer. If we had to buy one now, we couldn't. I'm thankful we turned to frugal living while we had money. By Drawlee Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

After the christening of his baby brother in church, little three-year-old Johnny sat in the back seat, unusually quite. Very softly he started to cry until his father noticed him sobbing. "What's wrong, little Johnny?" asked his father. Between sniffles little Johnny replied, "That priest said he wanted us bwought up in a good and regwitches home, but, but, but I don' wanna go to a witches home, I wanna stay with YOU and MOM!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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An engineering student, a physics student, and a mathematics student were each given $150 dollars and were told to use that money to find out exactly how tall a particular hotel was. All three ran off, extremely keen on how to do this. The physics student went out, gathered a few friends, purchased some stopwatches, a number of ball bearings, and a calculator. He had the friends time the drop of ball bearings from the roof, and he then figured out the height from the time it took for the bearings to accelerate from rest until they impacted with the sidewalk. The math student purchased a protractor, plumb line, tripod and measuring tape. She waited until the sun was going down, then used her equipment to measure the length of the shadow, and find the angle the building's roof made from the ground. Then she used trigonometry to figure out the height of the building. Of course, with all that was involved in getting this experiment done, they were up plenty late studying for exams in other courses. These two students bumped into the engineering student the next day, who looked quite refreshed. When asked what he did to find the height of the building he replied, "Well, I walked up to the bell hop, gave him 10 bucks, asked him how tall the hotel was. He told me and I went inside for happy hour!"
» Origin of state names
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Dear Webby: Needs help for dealing with spam 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 22, 2009


If you're not part of the solution, you're part of the precipitate. --- Henry J. Tillman All theoretical chemistry is really physics; and all theoretical chemists know it. --- Richard Phillips Feynman
First Farmer: I used to quit plowing for lunch every day at exactly eleven-thirty. Second Farmer: Did you have a wristwatch or a pocket watch? First Farmer: Neither. The whistle at the sawmill blows every day at noon, and I simply quit a half hour before I heard it.
An Irishman living in England goes for a job on a construction site. The foreman says, "Can you brew tea?" The Irishman says, "Yes,shore kin." "Good. Can you drive a fork lift?" The Irishman looks at him and says, "Why, mon, how big is your teapot?"
From my office window
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Avari D. Baker, 29 and 32-year-old Leonard L. Harris of Freeport, Ill 2 Men Struck, Killed Fighting On Wis. Highway DARLINGTON, Wis. (AP) Authorities in southern Wisconsin have released the names of two Illinois men who were struck and killed after their fight spilled onto a highway. Lafayette County sheriff's officials say 29-year-old Avari D. Baker and 32-year-old Leonard L. Harris of Freeport, Ill., were passengers in a vehicle driven by a Darlington woman. The driver pulled over along Highway 78 near the state line after the men began arguing. The two men got out and started fighting on the highway and were struck about 11:30 p.m. Wednesday. Sheriff's deputies say the men were pronounced dead at the scene. The driver of the vehicle that hit the men was taken to a hospital for minor injuries. Two children in her car weren't hurt. The driver of the other vehicle was cited for drunken driving.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Bonnie Re: help for dealing with spam Dear Webby, I don’t know that this is the right address for this question – please correct me if there’s a better one to contact you – but can you tell me how to block spam in my gmail? I can’t find whatever I might need to do that, and I’m getting nearly 50 every day – easy to delete but I’d rather stop them to begin with, if possible. Many thanks for your daily letter! I vote every single day and I was appalled when you recently posted the percentage of folks who vote. They should be ashamed – and I have spoken! Bonnie in Candia, NH >/i> Dear Bonnie! You can just hit REPLY on the Humor Letter to write me. Easier on the typo finger '-) I use MailWasher . Because I have used the same addresses for 15 or so years, and had them exposed on many web sites, they are probably on 10,000 spammer's CDs. So I get between 5,200 and 6,000 spams every day. Do I care? Nope. MailWasher nukes them right on the server. I only see the pretty graph, if I want to look at it and grin, but I don't see the spam. Google is actually pretty good at cleaning your gmail. If 50 a day slip past it's filters, you probably get a fair amount of spam. Remember to dump the spam folder now and then, so that you don't run over the 7 GB limit. (or whatever size they set as your limit) You CAN make some very crude and basic filters in gmail, but those are mostly for preventing legitimate, but spammy looking, mail from going into their spam folder. With MailWasher you can make intelligent and complicated filters really easily. For example, I made one that dumps any mail that has Chinese, Korean, Japanese, Arabic or Cyrillic characters in it, without showing them. I can't read those anyway, so It just quietly murders them in the dark. Or all the junk I get with humor@webby.com forged in as the sender address. If it has that address as the sender, but the Subject line does not start with "Humor: ", then it murders them, unseen, on the dark side of the web. . You can even bounce mail back at the sender. You don't use that against spammers, they always forge the sender address anyway. But you can use the bounce against your mother-in-law, so that she thinks you changed your email address ;-) With the MailWasher filters you can play with IFs and BUTs and BUT-NOT-IFs and HOWEVERs and really get creative. You don't need any code for that. It's more like a game. You select your weapons! For example select: CONTAINS / DOES NOT CONTAIN, AND / BUT-NOT, and so on. This may sound complicated here in email, but once you start playing, it immediately makes sense and is actually quite fun! Plus it does it's own filtering and cleaning before it even shows you what is left over. In addition to all that, you can let MailWasher check a whole bunch of different email accounts. With the amount of mail I get, it would never finish downloading, if I tried spam filtering on my computer. Life is so much easier when the dirty work is done for me on the dark side of the web. Have FUN! DearWebby
There is a story about a monastery in Europe perched high on a cliff several hundred feet in the air. The only way to reach the monastery was to be suspended in a basket which was pulled to the top by several monks who pulled and tugged with all their strength. Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that basket was terrifying. One tourist got exceedingly nervous about half-way up as he noticed that the rope by which he was suspended was old and frayed. With a trembling voice he asked the monk who was riding with him in the basket how often they changed the rope. The monk thought for a moment and answered brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Set Up Webcam for a Virtual Birthday Party Our grandchildren live out of state and we couldn't be there for our Grandson's 5th birthday, so we sent all the party favors and money for food and presents. They set up their web-cam and we set up ours and we watched the whole thing! It was just like being there, two thousand miles away! We could hear all the goings on and talk with them too! It's the neatest thing ever. By Ariela from FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" To which he replied, "Lady, I'm in the personnel department, air conditioning is handled by somebody upstairs." "Well, can't you do SOMETHING religious?", she whined. So he got up and started taking a collection.
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Thanks to Dianne for this story: An older lady was expecting a gentleman friend to call on her later in the day. She was nervous because her eyesight was failing and was afraid her friend might reject her because she was less than perfect. So, she came up with a plan to prove to him that she could see perfectly. She put a straight pin in a tree that was about 200 feet from her front porch. When her beau arrived, they sat in the porch swing and were talking when she suddenly stopped the conversation and asked, "Is that a pin sticking in that tree?" Her friend squinted his eyes and said, "I don't see a thing." "Well, I'm going to go see," she said as she jumped up, ran toward the tree, and collided with a cow.
» TV Online
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Dear Webby, does McAfee slow down your computer? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday,  September 21, 2009


Part of being sane, is being a little bit crazy. --- Janet Long The two most common elements in the universe are Hydrogen and stupidity. --- Harlan Ellison If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson
Church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. The pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. The deer are all safe. Next time pray for the hunters!"
A man went on a ski trip, and was knocked unconscious by the chair lift. He called his insurance company from the hospital, but it refused to cover his injury. "Why is the injury not covered?" he asked. "You got hit in the head by a chair lift," the insurance rep said. "That makes you an idiot, and we consider that a pre- existing condition."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Daturas
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Matthew Mylett, 23 of Bradenton, Florida Definitely too drunk to drive Manatee County, Florida - A man stopped for reckless driving and driving without headlights in Bradenton is in jail this morning after deputies say he backed his pickup truck into one of their cars. Manatee County Sheriff's investigators say 23-year-old Matthew Mylett was pulled over around 2 a.m. Sunday on State Road 64. They say Mylett put his truck into reverse and backed into Deputy Josetta Coleman's patrol car, causing about $2,000 in damage. Deputies say Mylett failed a field sobriety test. He is charged with DUI.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Margee Re: Does McAfee slow down your computer? Dear Webby, Question about McAfee. Does it slow down you computer when running ordinary programs? Or is it only a problem on rare occasions? Thanks, Margee :) >/i> Dear Margee You can schedule the scanning for times when you are not doing anything strenuous, however, a scan doesn't slow down things very much anyway. The update downloads naturally slow down other downloads, that you try to do at the same time. If you are downloading a 2 GB movie at the same time, on slow dial-up, it all has to come through your modem. If you are trying to do some fast shopping at the some time, it will be frustratingly slow. But that is because your modem can handle only so much traffic. That applies to ANY virus protection, not just McAfee. McAfee probably sends updates a bit more often than others, but on a fast connection you barely notice it. Have FUN! DearWebby
A freshman walked into the campus bookstore. Questioning the store clerk about a book for one of his classes, the clerk responded, "This is the book you want for that class. It will do half the work for you!" "Great," the young man replied, "I'll take two."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Celebrate! Develop a sense of occasion! Life is so much nicer when broken up with little celebrations, for birthdays, anniversaries and the other holidays throughout the year. You don't have to fall victim to the advertising hype. Just have simple but heartfelt festive touches and maybe some feasting! Being careful with your money doesn't mean that you have to be grim! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

The Father, passing thru the son's college town late one night on a business trip, thought he would pay a surprise visit to the boy. Arriving at the fraternity house, he knocked on the door. After several minutes of knocking, a sleepy voice drifted down from a second floor window. "Whaddya want?" "Does Jimmy Duncan live here?" asked the father. "Yeah!" replied the voice. "Just dump him on the front porch as usual. We'll hose him down and try to sober him up in the morning."
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Right outside her front door, Joe's mother had a thermometer that never seemed to tell the correct temperature. One chilly day, we all noticed that the thermometer, which was in direct sunlight, read a balmy 72 degrees. "Mom," Joe's wife suggested without thinking, "you should stick that thing where the sun doesn't shine."
» Sound Waves
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Dear Webby: AVG and Avast 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday,  September 20, 2009


"No wife can endure a gambling husband - - unless he is a steady winner." --- Thomas R. Dewar
A party-goer decided it would be best to walk home. He found a shortcut through a poorly lit cemetery and, in the darkness, stumbled into an open grave. He tried to climb out but the walls were too slippery. Again and again he fell back into the grave. Finally, in exhaustion, he settled in a corner to wait for sunlight. A few minutes later another man cutting through the cemetery fell into the same grave. He, too, tried desperately to climb and claw his way out, and he was equally unsuccessful. As he was about to give up in hopeless resignation, he heard a voice from the darkness of his pit: "You'll never get out of here." - He did!
One day, while giving with my neighbor and her 5 year old daughter a ride to some event downtown, I honked the horn by mistake. She turned and looked at me as if she was demanding an explanation. I told her, "I did that by accident..." She replied, "I know that....'cause you didn't say '@#$%&!' after beeping, like mom does when she beeps!"
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Looks like it is going to rain soon!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Inspector Adam Busil of the Papua New Guinea police Police hunt banana sex cult leader Police in Papua New Guinea are hunting the leader of a cult who promised villagers a bumper banana harvest if they had sex in public. The man and his followers fled naked into the wilderness when police tried to arrest them at the weekend, the Post Courier newspaper reported. It said the villagers in Morobe province had been promised their banana harvest would increase 10-fold every time they had sex in public.It said the cult leader was wanted for a range of alleged offences over the past four months, including threatening people and illegal sexual activity. Inspector Adam Busil said officers had surrounded the man's hut but he refused to come out. The suspect then made a dash for freedom with about seven naked followers. "He used his two wives as a human shield to avoid being shot at by the policemen," he said. "They were called on to surrender but they refused." --------------- The inspector wanted the cops to shoot him, because of sex in public? What a bonehead!
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Kathy Re: AVG and Avista Dear Webby, What do you know about AVG and Avast? Kathy Dear Kathy They are "Better than nothing at all" virus and malware protection programs for people, whose data is not worth the $30 a year, that McAfee costs. If somebody is never searching for anything and accidentally landing on a bad site, and if they just have easily replaceable games on their computer, then they can often get away with just those programs for years. However, if you get into business seriously enough to use a business email based on your business domain, then I would highly recommend that you get McAfee. I get mail quite frequenty from people who relied on those programs and assumed they were safe, but only maybe once every five years from somebody who got infected, even though they had McAfee, and then usually because somebody had turned McAfee off to speed up a file transfer from a peer to peer music sharing site. Have FUN! DearWebby
The future father-in-law asked, "Young man, can you support a family?" The surprised groom-to-be replied, "Well, no. I was just planning to support your daughter. The rest of you will have to fend for yourselves."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check Local Museums For Free Museum Day In Sept Visit the link below to find out which museum nationwide near you is part of the Smithsonian Museum Day on Saturday, September 26, 2000 and has free admission! http://microsite.smithsonianmag.com Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Deciding to eat healthier breakfasts, my brother-in- law declared that oatmeal would now be his cereal of choice. But after eating his first bowl, he told my sister, "I hope I develop a taste for the stuff. It sure goes down rough!" "Well," she asked, "how long did you cook it?" "Are you supposed to cook it?" he asked.
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During a phone conversation, my nephew mentioned that he was taking a psychology course at university. "Oh, great," I said, "Now you'll be analyzing everyone in the family." "No, no," he replied. "I don't take abnormal psychology until next semester."
» Hema
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Dear Webby: Reorganize and clean up the startup list 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday,  September 19, 2009


It is not enough for a man to know how to ride; he must know how to fall. --- John Wayne Men have become the tools of their tools. --- Henry David Thoreau (He must have been talking about golfers, not computer addicts!) Any intelligent fool can make things bigger, more complex, and more violent. It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage - to move in the opposite direction. --- E. F. Schumacher
Military leaders succeed in building a computer able to solve any strategic or tactical problem. They assembled in front of the new machine and fed a difficult tactical problem into it. They describe a hypothetical situation to the computer and then ask the pivotal question: attack or retreat? The computer hums away for an hour and then comes up with the answer: YES. The generals look at each other, somewhat stupefied. Finally one of them submits a second request to the computer: YES WHAT? Instantly the computer responded: YES SIR.
A group of U.S. marines got a refresher course on first aid prior to leaving for Afghanistan. Following an involved lesson on making splints, dressing wounds and applying tourniquets to stop bleeding, there was a quick test. Instructor: "What do you do if you receive a minor head wound?" Marine: "Keep going." Inst.: "What do you do if your Sergeant has a head wound and is out cold?" Marine: "I sit down and have a smoke. He'll be up and screaming at me in two seconds flat."
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture: Pend Orielle County WA
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Mitchel L. Legg, 26 of Richmond, Indiana Officers sniff out pot, gun 26-year-old visits RPD for permit, but marijuana odor arouses suspicion, leads to arrest Mitchel L. Legg got the $50 back that he paid Thursday with his application to carry a gun. He also was arrested on a charge of carrying a gun without a license. Legg visited the Richmond Police Department at 11:30 a.m. to fill out an application. Officers and staff members noticed a heavy marijuana smell as he was doing the paperwork. "He reeked of marijuana, so they patted him down," said Chief Kris Wolski. "Officers (Heather) Edwards and (John) Lackey were aware that things just didn't add up. It's a good thing they did." That's because the patdown discovered that besides marijuana, Legg was carrying a .22 semiautomatic handgun. "It (gun) was in a little nylon holster under his shirt," Wolski said. Legg, 26, of 327 S. W. 17th St., was arrested and lodged in Wayne County Jail at 12:15 p.m. on a Class D felony charge of possession of marijuana and a Class A misdemeanor charge of carrying a handgun without a license. He was released after posting a $750 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From:Carol Re: Reorganize and clean up the startup list Dear Webby, I'd like to ask you about Startup and what we should have (as a minimum) checked and what we should not have checked. I also need to know the easiest way to change these settings. I'm afraid that if I take an "x" off of the box, it will lock up my computer and I won't be able to start it up again. Is there a web site that I could go to for these answers? I know this is simplistic for you, I'm learning everyday! Many thanks, Carol Dear Carol I use StartupCop from PC-Magazine Utilities for that. Here is a screen shot of what I have in my start-up: You can temporarily disable items and see if everything works OK. There is a short link to it in my tool box at http://webby.com/tools. Just scroll down until you see a sheriff's badge. That link is straight to Startup Cop. If you go to the PC Magazine Utilities, you can eventually find it there too, but try not to get sidetracked and download three hundred utilities that you will never get around to use or read the instructions for. Have FUN! DearWebby
The Zen Master is visiting New York City from Tibet. He goes up to a hotdog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything." The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen Master, who pays with a $20 bill. The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Where's my change?" asks the Zen Master. The vendor responds: "According to Zen, change must come from within."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Negotiate Payment Plans for Bills When dealings with your bills, remember; everything is negotiable, even utility bills. I have lived in the same place for 20+ years with the same account so I find that I can negotiate payments for my phone, gas and electric bills. Always ask for a payment plan! By Pam from Los Angeles Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right. The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course. An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing." God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect hole-in-one. He was amazed and excited. The angel was a little shocked. He turned to God and said, "Begging Your pardon, but I thought you were going to punish him?" God smiled. "Think about it -- whom can he tell...?"
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Six guys were playing poker when Smith loses $500 on a single hand, clutches his chest and drops dead at the table. Showing respect for their fallen comrade, the other five complete their playing time standing up. Roberts looks around and asks, "Now, who is going to tell the wife?" They draw straws. Rippington, who is always a loser, picks the short one. They tell him to be discreet, be gentle, don't make a bad situation any worse than it is. "Gentlemen! Discreet? I'm the most discreet man you will ever meet. Discretion is my middle name, leave it to me." Rippington walks over to the Smith house, knocks on the door, the wife answers, asks what he wants. Rippington says, "Your husband just lost $500 playing cards." She hollers, "TELL HIM TO DROP DEAD!" Rippington says, "OK, I'll tell him."
» Sharpie Decor
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Dear Webby: Computer restricted to Solitaire 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday,  September 18, 2009
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support of the troops!


In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move. --- Douglas Adams Our constitution protects aliens, drunks and U.S. Senators. --- Will Rogers
Serena requested a re-run of this story: In ancient Greece (469 - 399 BC), Socrates was well known for his wisdom. One day the great philosopher came upon an acquaintance who said excitedly, "Socrates, do you know what I just heard about one of your students? "Wait a moment," Socrates replied. "Before telling me anything I would like you to pass a little test. It's called the Triple Filter Test." "Triple filter?" "That's right," Socrates continued. "Before you talk to me about my student, it might be a good idea to take a moment and filter what you're going to say. The first filter is Truth. Have you made absolutely sure that what you are about to tell me is true?" "No," the man said, "actually I just heard about it and ..." "All right," said Socrates. "So you don't really know if it's true or not. Now let's try the second filter, the filter of Goodness. Is what you are about to tell me about my student something good?" "Well, no, on the contrary..." "So," Socrates continued, "you want to tell me something bad about him, but you're not certain it's true. You may still pass the test though, because there's one filter left: the filter of Usefulness. Is what you want to tell me about my student going to be useful to me?" "No, I suppose it isn't really." "Well," concluded Socrates, "if what you want to tell me is neither true nor good nor even useful, why tell it to me at all?" This is the reason Socrates was a great philosopher and held in such high esteem. It also explains why he never found out that his wife was banging Plato.
A A preacher was driving down the highway when he came up behind a car weaving all over the road. He figures that the driver in the vehicle must be drunk. The preacher decides that he should pass and get on down the road so there will have no chance of being in a possible accident. He starts around the car and gets out onto the soft shoulder. The car goes off in a deep ravine but lands right side up. The drunk stops and staggers over to the edge of the road and yells: "Hey Buddy, are you okay?" The preacher answers back and says, "Yes, thank you, the Lord is riding with me." To which the drunk replies, "Well, you better let him ride with me before you kill him wisch your recklesch drivin !"
Thanks to Lillemor for sending this picture Sunset in Mt. Baker National Park
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa. Burglar leaves his Facebook page open MARTINSBURG - The popular online social networking site Facebook helped lead to an alleged burglar's arrest after he stopped to check his account on the victim's computer, but forgot to log out before leaving the home with two diamond rings. Jonathan G. Parker, 19, of Fort Loudoun, Pa., was arraigned Tuesday on one count of felony daytime burglary. According to court records, Deputy P.D. Ware of the Berkeley County Sheriff's Department responded on Aug. 28 to the victim's home after she reported the burglary. She told police that someone had broken into her home through a bedroom window. There were open cabinets in her garage, and other signs of a burglar. The victim later noticed that the intruder also used her computer to check his Facebook status, and his account was still open when she checked the computer. The victim later noticed that she was missing two diamond rings from her dresser in the same room as her computer. The two rings were worth more than $3,500, reports indicate. During the investigation, a friend of the victim told her that he knew where Parker was staying, in the same area as the victim's house. Police then went to the home and spoke with a friend of Parker's. The man said Parker had stopped by his home occasionally, but he said the man didn't live there. He also said that the night before the burglary, Parker asked him if he wanted to help break into the victim's home but he refused. As of Tuesday evening, Parker remained in custody at the Eastern Regional Jail on $10,000 bail. If convicted he faces one to 10 years in prison.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Vi Re: Computer restricted to Solitaire Dear Webby, Is there anything you can suggest for my friend's computer It will not let her do anything except play " solitaire " when she turns it on? She had a pop up asking her to press a button if she didn't want to get a virus. And she pressed the button. Thanks,Great Granny Vi Dear Great Granny Vi If the silly ninny slums around at yahoo, and does not have reasonable protection, then that's what she gets. Her computer is under control by hackers and used to send out spam. Millions of people hate her guts now for lending her computer to the spammers. Next time you get spam, thank her! An expert can probably restore the machine to her control, but I doubt she has any chance of doing that herself, if the hackers limited her to Solitaire. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man spent his weekend ice fishing without a single bite. As he's going home cold and dejected, he stops at a fish store on the edge of the lake and asks for four pike. He tells the clerk, "Pick out the four largest ones you have and throw them at me, will you?" "OK," the clerk says. "But why do you want me to throw them at you?" "Because," says the hapless fisherman, "I want to tell my wife that I caught them."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Run Your Mower Out of Gas Before Storing If you have a gas lawn mower, every time you use it, before storing it, make sure the mower runs out of gas. You'll stop the carburetor from gumming up. Also, they make a fuel additive for lawn mowers, that helps clean the carburetor. This will make the mower easier to start the next time. Remember to change the air filter regularly. More so in dusty conditions. By Terri from NV Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Two babies in a hospital nursery: "I'm a little girl." "I'm a little boy." "How do you know you're a little boy?" "Wait till the nurse goes out and I'll show you." When the nurse left, the baby pulled up his gown. "See? Blue booties."
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As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son had an announcement to make: He'd just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit pulling our legs," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "I know you'll never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, it was to voice a single question, "YOU, Billy-Bob, YOU really are going to be getting up in time, and not only that, but making your own bed every morning?"
» Frankfurt Auto Show
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Dear Webby: How do I remove the JunkNavQuar virus? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday,  September 17, 2009


You are not paid to work hard. In fact, you are not paid for effort at all. You are paid for results. It's not what you do; it's what you get done." --- Larry Winget:
Two priests were riding very fast on a motorcycle. They were stopped promptly by a policeman, who said, "What do you think you are doing? You were going mighty fast there, Father." The priest says, "We were just taking the bike for a spin...see how it runs." The policeman shakes his head. "I am going to have to give you a ticket. Driving like that isn't safe. What if you have an accident?" The priests say, "Don't worry, my son. Jesus is with us." The policeman says, "In that case, I have to book you. Three on a motorcycle falls under reckless driving."
When Joe stopped the bus to pick up a kid for preschool, he noticed an older woman hugging him as he left the house. "Is that your grandmother?" Joe asked. "Yes, she's come to visit us." "How nice," he said. "Where does she live?" "At the airport," Chris replied. "Whenever we want her, we just go out there and get her."

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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to J. Dante Krauss, 45 in Ocala, Florida OCALA - An alert Marion County Sheriff's Office deputy spotted a nude motorcyclist driving near Interstate 75 and State Road 200 in Ocala early this morning. "I thought the driver of the motorcycle was not wearing clothing," said Capt. Moshoji "Mike" Rolls, who followed the silver motorcycle to investigate. At about 12:30 a.m., the motorcycle driver, J. Dante Krauss, 45, headed north along I-75 and exited at Highway 40 in Ocala. When Krauss ran a red light, Rolls stopped him and confirmed that the man was not wearing clothes. Asked where he was coming from, Krauss said, "I don't know." But he admitted he had been drinking, according to Marion officials. He smelled of alcohol and his eyes were watery and bloodshot, according to a report. According to the police video at http://www.orlandosentinel.com/news/loc ... 6936.story the black deputy was cracking up laughing, so the white, female deputy interviewed the drunk at length, while he was standing there, butt naked, by his bike. "The defendant could not explain why he was not wearing any clothing," said Judge Cochran, a Marion County spokesman. Later a deputy located a shirt for Krauss and a shawl on the motorcycle's handlebars was used to wrap around Krauss' waist. Krauss underwent field sobriety tests and then was arrested for driving under the influence. His blood alcohol level was .178 after a test, officials said. Tuesday morning's arrest was Krauss' fifth for DUI. He was released from the Marion County Jail at about 1:17 p.m. today and probably won't repeat that until after dark..
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dale Re: Junk NavQuar Dear Webby, I have read your letter for several years now, had plenty of laughs, voted, and learned a lot from your Tech tips. You answered perfectly a question I had a few years ago but now I have a bigger problem. McAfee tells me I am infected by Junk NavQuar. They cannot remove it but they send a message that what they have done often disables the program. It tells me "no action required" but when I scan the computer, the infection shows up again. I can't seem to find out exactly what the infection is and what it may do. Spybot doesn't catch it. Can you help? Dale Dear Dale Junk-NavQuar is an ancient virus from 2004. Possibly it has been dropped from the list of viruses, that McAfee removes routinely. 1) Go to my tool box and grab the "Command prompt here" add-on. 2) search for 'Whistler.vxe' and write down where it is located. 3) Restart your computer and start pressing the F8 key on your keyboard. On a computer that is configured for booting to multiple operating systems, you can press the F8 key when the Boot Menu appears. Select an option when the Windows Advanced Options menu appears, and then press ENTER. When the Boot menu appears again, and the words "Safe Mode" appear in blue at the bottom, select the installation that you want to start, and then press ENTER. In Safe Mode open the File Explorer, (not Internet Explorer!) and browse to the location that you had written down. Go one level up, so that that folder can be selected, highlioghted and right-clicked. One of the options in the right-click menu will be the newly installed: "Open a DOS command prompt here". That will open a good old-fashioned DOS screen. Yes, deep down inside, the DOS engineis still there, even in VISTA. You could also get the command prompt by hitting START, RUN, typing cmd and hitting Enter. However, then you would have to manually navigate to the location where that file is. Once the prompt shows that location, type attrib -r -a -s -h Whistler.vxe and hit Enter. then type del Whistler.vxe and hit Enter. then type exit and hit Enter. reboot to normal mode and you should not have that problem any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
To get acquainted with his new Parish, a new Priest decided to call on some different parishoners every day. One he selected was a young widow, whose husband had died two years ago, according to the index card he had. After knocking at the door, he was greeted by a young lady with a baby in her arms. He said, "I'm sorry, I must have the wrong address, I was looking for the widow Laffitte." "You've found her Father." smiled the lady. "Well, according to the card here, it says your husband died over two years ago." he said glancing at the baby in her arms. "That's correct Father, he surely did... but I didn't...."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com No new tip today Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

Robert wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and quit cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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What do you call a sleepwalking nun? A roamin' Catholic!
» Still tasty
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Dear Webby: Printer not communicating 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday,  September 16, 2009


The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. --- Sam Levenson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl
A man is taking an English class where the instructor is discussing the Greek origins of many English words. "Tell me," he says to the class, "what do the words 'monogamy' and 'monotony' have in common?" From the back of the room comes a gravelly voice: "They're synonyms."
Mrs. Applebee, the 6th grade teacher, posed the following problem to one of her arithmetic classes: "A wealthy man dies and leaves ten million dollars. One-fifth is to go to his wife, one-fifth is to go to his son, one-sixth to his butler, and the rest to charity. Now, what does each get?" After a very long silence in the classroom, Little Morris raised his hand. The teacher called on Little Morris for his answer. With complete sincerity in his voice, Little Morris answered, "A lawyer!"
Breakthrough!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to guards at Chiswick Business Park in London, England Fishbrain guards concerned about toys frightening fish LONDON (UPI) -- A 9-year-old boy was in tears after security guards at a London park informed the child he could not use his toy boat in a local pond, his grandfather says. Paul Fabricius, 57, told The Mail on Sunday when his grandson, Noah Bailey, attempted to play with his model battleship in a Chiswick Business Park pond, park security guards stopped him based on unspecified regulations. "We were informed that the business park had rules, albeit undisplayed, and they had to be enforced and that included toy boats and dogs paddling," Fabricius said of the recent incident. Fabricius said when he questioned a guard about the ban on toy boats, he was told the toys can potentially frighten fish in the pond. "It's just nonsense. How can it frighten the fish? It has only got a tiny electric engine. It gets overtaken by the ducks!" Fabricius told the Mail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ruby Re: Printer not communicating Dear Webby, Thank you for your help in the past - but some way I've managed to mess up again. I'm getting a message that the computer and printer are not communicating. I've tried everything suggested except reloading the printer info and I'm not sure where that is or I'd have done that! Any more ideas? You need to be charging ignorant imbeciles like me, you'd make lots of money!! Really enjoy the humor letter and recommend it to my friends. Thanks once again, Ruby Dear Ruby "not communicating" indicates that either 1) the printer is off or has no power, or 2) the printer cable is not plugged in on both ends, or 3) one of the printer doors is not closed properly, or 4) the printer has died, or 5) you selected a printer that you used to have, but don't any more. Have FUN! DearWebby
A man complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's my wife. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hystErical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," the man insists. "Every argument we have, she interrupts with: "But, before we got married, you told me you loved me..."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Try Tobacco String Instead of Crochet Thread When crocheting things like a bed spread, you can buy Tobacco string and use it like crochet thread. It comes on a cone and a lot cheaper then the crochet thread. You can buy it at the stores that sell seeds and feed for cattle. The thread is cotton. By Doris from Randleman, NC Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A man passed out in a dead faint as he came out of his front door onto the porch. Someone called 911. When the paramedics arrived, they helped him regain consciousness and asked if he knew what caused him to faint. "It was enough to make anybody faint," he said. "My son asked me for the keys to the garage, and instead of driving the car out, he came out with the LEAF RAKE !"
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A travel agent looked up from his desk to see an older lady and an older gentleman peering in the shop window at the posters showing the glamorous destinations around the world. The agent had had a good week and the dejected couple looking in the window gave him a rare feeling of generosity. He called them into his shop and said, "I know that on your pension you could never hope to have a holiday, so I am sending you off to a fabulous resort at my expense, and I won't take no for an answer." He took them inside and asked his secretary to write two flight tickets and book a room in a five star hotel. They, as can be expected, gladly accepted, and were on their way. About a month later the little lady came in to his shop. "And how did you like your holiday?" he asked eagerly. "The flight was exciting and the room was lovely," she said. "I've come to thank you. But, one thing puzzled me. Who was that old guy I had to share the room with?"
» Spider Silk
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Dear Webby: Which browser? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday,  September 15, 2009


"A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject." --- Sir. Winston Churchill (1874-1965) Everyone has a right to a university degree in America, even if it's in Hamburger Technology. --- Clive James
A teacher asks his fifth-grade students to write an essay telling what they would do if they had 5 million dollars. Each of them begins scribbling away immediately -- all, that is, but one little boy who sits idle, looking out the window. When the teacher stroll around the room he sees only one short sentence on his sheet. "What is this?" the teacher asks. "Is this your essay? Everyone else has written two pages or more, and you have done nothing." "Well," the little fellow replies brightly, "read it. That's exactly what I would do if I had 5 million dollars." The teacher bent down and read: "Hire someone to do the work for me, especially the writing."
Thanks to Walter the Stonecarver for this picture. Walter stayed at this hotel in Avila, Spain, last night. Strictly business, he says. Apparently some client wants the same type of stone work on his porch. So, before spending a few hundred hours chiseling around on expensive rock, Walter goes to see how they did that sort of thing in the 16th century. One stone carver once told me, that the secret of the ancients is to hit the chisel with your hammer, not your hand.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Clumsycrooks.com under attack According to unconfirmed reports the popular clumsycrooks.com site had to yield to attacks and had to shut down, hopefully only temporarily. The rumors claim, that the attack was because they showed this picture:
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Randy Re: Which browser should I write pages for? Dear Webby, When designing web pages, which browser should they be designed for nowadays? I obviously don't have to worry about Netscape any more, but what is most popular these days? Thanks Randy Dear Randy That shows the overall popularity for last month. If a page looks fine in FireFox, it will usually show fine in Chrome and Opera too. Those stats are for last month. FireFox is expected to go over the 50% mark some time this month. Have FUN! DearWebby
Two intrepid explorers meet in the heart of the Brazilian jungle. Says one, "I'm here to commune with nature in the raw, to contemplate the eternal verities and to widen my horizons. And you, sir?" The second explorer sighs deeply. "I came because my wife has begun violin lessons."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Treat Yourself to Something Homemade! When you feel like going shopping to buy yourself a treat; give yourself a homemade gift instead. Make a nice cup of tea, cook yourself something yummy, write a poem, plant seeds/seedlings, paint a picture, do your own nails, make a beaded bracelet, make a collage. It will save you money but fulfill your need for a treat. By Kay from Tamarac,FL Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:

A psychiatrist has been treating a woman's husband, and one day he tells her, "I have good news. Your husband is cured. He will no longer go around thinking he's Napoleon. His original personality has returned, and he is now himself again." "What?" she says angrily. "Before, my husband was someone important. Now I'm going to be the wife of a nobody!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A man goes to a doctor for a physical checkup. The nurse starts with certain basic items. "How much do you weigh?" she asks. "One-seventy." he says. The nurse puts him on the scale It turns out that his weight is 183. The nurse asks, "Your height?" "Five-eleven." he says. The nurse checks and sees that he's only 5' 8 1/2". She then takes his blood pressure, and it's very high. The man explains, "Of course it's high. When I came in here, I was tall and wiry. Then, after one look at you, I became short and fat!"
» Best inventions of 2008
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