Liberal 

"How do you starve a Liberal to death?"









You hide his food stamps under his work boots.








hahahahahahahahhahahahahahaahahahah


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Color Pick-Up 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 27, 2010

US spending is way up. 
Unfortunately, not on the economy, but on election BS.
By 2012 sign painting will be a very lurative career.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner Never argue with an idiot. They drag you down to their level, then beat you with experience. --- Kati I love being married... I was single for a long time and I just got so sick of finishing my own sentences. --- Brian Kiley
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a sub-compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting."
The factory of the future will have two employees, a man and a dog. The man will be there to feed the dog and the dog is there to keep the man from touching the computers.
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Erika for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley, UT
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Logan Napolitano, 18 in Pawtucket, RI Dopey bank robbers PAWTUCKET, R.I. (UPI) -- A teenage couple in Rhode Island robbed a bank, claiming to have a bomb, but were captured within hours, police said. Logan Napolitano, 18, and his 15-year-old girlfriend walked into a Bank Rhode Island branch in Pawtucket Thursday afternoon, saying they had a bomb in a garbage bag, police told the Providence Journal. Then the masked girl opened the bag and demanded the tellers fill it with money. Five hours later, detectives found the couple in a Providence house, with drugs in her purse and nearly all the stolen money inside his car. The girl was taken to a juvenile facility, but Napolitano had a drug reaction during his arrest and was hospitalized, said Maj. Arthur Martins. Dye packs slipped in with the cash burst and stained their clothes, their skin, the money and the interior of Napolitano's car, said Pawtucket Detective Donti Rosciti. A witness saw the license plate of the getaway vehicle, which led police to Napolitano's home. He was not home, but police obtained the girl's cell phone number and used it to locate the pair. Some of the money was used to buy drugs, Rosciti said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ki Re: Pixie, Eyedropper, color pickers Dear Webby, I love your Humour letter, please never quit. It always makes my day. In regards to the colours for a website: I personally am colour blind so doing any Photoshopping becomes more than a bit of a challenge. I've compensated by using Hexidecimal and RGB values. I do this using one website and one (really tiny!) program. The site is http://chir.ag/projects/name-that-color/ and it also is in alphabetical order. The program is called Pixie. ( http://www.nattyware.com/pixie.php ) which allows you to hover over any spot on your screen and it will tell you the hex, RGB, HTML, CMYK and HSV values of that color. This makes it *much* easier for me to match colours. Sincerely and with many hugs, Ki Dear Ki For color matching I have been using the EyeDropper for many years. You can get it from my toolbox at http://webby.com/tools. It is quite a ways down the page. It sits as an icon down beside the clock. When you need a color number, grab it with the mouse and hover the magnified cross-hair over the color you want. When you got the right color, let go of the mouse button, and the color number is in the clip-board, ready to paste anywhere. When you let go of the mouse button, the eye dropper disappears back into it's icon down by the clock. Like the clock, there is no need to start or restart it, it always works and is always ready. It starts when Windows starts. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
To encourage correct spelling, somebody on the Chicago Daily News staff tacked up this notice on the bulletin board: Let's set our sights high. Let's learn to spell JUDGMENT correctly. Let's repeat to ourselves each day, "Today I will spell JUDGMENT without an E." Who shall be the first to announce this accomplishment? Praise be unto him. - Deranged The next day, right next to that notice, a reporter pinned up this note: Dear Deranged, I tried to spell judgment without an 'e' and it came out judgmnt. Now I'm in a prdicamnt. - Confusd
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Window Locks for Home Safety Here in the east there has been a rash of robberies, by breaking into people's homes. The thieves go through open windows. You can buy a window lock, that allows you to open the window, and lock it in that position. The lock allows for ventilation by securely holding double hung windows in partially open position. Windows open fully when guard is released. 1-9/16 inch guard/mounting area required. 7/8 inch minimum glass inset. 3/4 x 1inch strike. Screws included. So if you want just a little fresh air you can set the window lock, that the window is only open a few inches. You can either purchase them on the Internet or in a hardware store. They are also called window vent guards and are made by Stanley. By Lynda http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day, a housework-challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" "It depends," she replied. "What does it say on your shirt?" He yelled back, "Texas A & M." ------- Well, I usually use the "AUTO" setting. That seems to work fine.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Jill: I just don't understand the attraction golf holds for men. Mary: Tell me about it! I went golfing with my husband one time, and he told me I asked too many questions! Jill: Well, I'm sure you were just trying to understand the game. What questions did you ask? Mary: I thought I asked legitimate questions...like, "Why did you hit the ball into that lake?"

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I'm Ready 

Boo!




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Big Boy Big Ride 

A Boy and His Chopper

Off to Wal Mart

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Snagged From The Internet 

Cute Dog

I'm not sorry!

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In The River 

I saw a terrorist fall into the Bow River
(near downtown Calgary, Alberta) this morning,
and being a responsible citizen I informed emergency services.


It's 6:00 PM and they still haven't responded!


I'm now starting to think I've wasted a stamp!


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Happy Halloween 


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HTML Color Names 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Looks like Clinton appointed federal Judge Roslyn Silver is trying 
to make sure which way Arizona votes on November 2. Even 
people who are against the death penalty deeply resent the federal
interference based on such a frivolous excuse. What difference
does it make, whether the sodium thiopental was made in Canada
or by a manufacturer in the US, who is using it's monopoly
to create an artificial shortage?

Sodium thiopental is not something new or experimental. It 
is on the World Health Organization list of drugs to be 
"on hand" at any hospital (outside of the US), same as
Aspirin and many other common drugs. For executions
they simply use a much higher dosage, than when a patient
is expected to wake up again shortly afterwards.

The whole issue is just federal meddling, and the results
will probably become very visible on November 2.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


I have opinions of my own -- strong opinions -- but I don't always agree with them. --- Dan Quale Blessed are the forgetful: for they get the better even of their blunders. --- Nietzsche
A couple had two little boys, ages 8 and 10, who were excessively mischievous. They were always getting into trouble and their parents knew that, if any mischief occurred in their town, their sons were probably involved. The boys' mother heard that a clergyman in town had been successful in disciplining children, so she asked if he would speak with her boys. The clergyman agreed and asked to see them individually. So the mother arranged to send her 8 year old son to see the clergyman in the morning, and the older boy to see the clergyman in the afternoon. The clergyman, a huge man with a booming voice, sat the younger boy down and asked him sternly, "Where is God?" The boy's mouth dropped open, but he made no response, sitting there wide-eyed, with his mouth hanging open. So the clergyman repeated the question in a more harsh tone, "Where is God!?" Again, the boy made no attempt to answer. So, the clergyman raised his voice even louder and shook his finger in the boy's face and bellowed, "WHERE IS GOD!?" The boy screamed and bolted from the room, ran directly home and dove into his closet, slamming the door behind him. When his older brother found him in the closet, he asked, "What happened?" The younger brother, gasping for air, replied, "We are in BIG trouble this time, bro. God is missing, and they think WE did it!"
A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?"
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Bill for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby: This is the view from our patio of a sunset over Lake Simcoe near Orillia, ON Canada taken on October 4, 2010. Love your pictures. I hope that you can use this one. All the best. Bill
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Urban, 43, in Framingham, Massachusets Woma admits stealing the wrong car A Framingham woman admitted she stole a car on Wednesday, but she said she mistakenly took the wrong one, police said. Melissa Urban, 43, told police she thought she was stealing her boyfriend's car from the Chicken Bone on Waverly Street, not one that belonged to a stranger, police spokesman Lt. Ron Brandolini said. A man called police at 11:15 p.m. and told police someone stole his Subaru wagon. He said he'd left his keys in the car, Brandolini said. Police put out an alert, and Officer Robert Lewis spotted the car on Western Avenue. Urban was driving, and she immediately admitted what she did. "She stated it was a mistake, that she took the wrong car," Brandolini said. "She said she wanted to steal her boyfriend's car." Urban told police she was on the way back to the Chicken Bone to return the car because she realized her mistake, Brandolini said. Police arrested Urban, of 39 Clark St., and charged her with larceny of a vehicle. She pleaded not guilty at her Framingham District Court arraignment yesterday. Judge Douglas Stoddart released her without bail. She is due back in court Dec. 3 for a pretrial conference.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sonya Re: Color Names Dear Webby, you mentioned Color Names. Is there a chart somewhere with all the proper names, that actually work in all browsers? Thanks Sonya Dear Sonya The official table is at a long address at w3schools.com. I made a shortcut to it: http://webby.com/colornames However, they are sorted alphabetically, not by color. That makes it rather tedious. More useful is the Color Shade table at http://webby.com/colorshades And best of all is the Color Mixer at http://webby.com/colormixer Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Little Johnny and his family were having Sunday dinner at his Grandmother's house. Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being served. When little Johnny received his plate he started eating right away. "Johnny wait until we say our prayer." "I don't have to." The boy replied. "Of course, you do," his mother insisted. "We say a prayer before eating at our house." "That's our house," Johnny explained. "But this is Grandma's house, and nobody ever gets sick of her cooking!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Crack Egg In Cup Before Measuring Shortening Tired of trying to clean the margarine or shortening out of the measuring cup after you use it? I am! But I discovered a trick today. If your recipe calls for an egg(s), crack the egg into the measuring cup your going to use for measuring the margarine or shortening. Pour the egg into your mixing bowl. now using the same measuring cup that the egg was in, measure out the margarine or shortening. You will be surprised at how easily the margarine or shortening comes out leaving behind no greasy gobs of shortening or margarine. By Heidi from Brazil http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob came home and the car was in the dining room, so he asked Mary, "How did the car get in here?" She said, "Looks like I took a left at the kitchen."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Daddy, where did I come from?" the five-year-old asked. It was a moment for which her parents had carefully pre- pared. They took her into the living room, put the encyclopedia CD into the computer and explained all they thought she should know about sexual attraction, affection, love, and reproduction. Then they both sat back and smiled contentedly. "Does that answer your question?" her father asked. "No, not really," the little girl said. "Billy said he came from Chicago. I want to know what town I came from."

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Highlighting with HTML 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, October 25, 2010

All the comments and feedback on yesterday's article about
PayPal were positive. When I wrote a similar article about 
five or six years ago, there were all kinds of horror stories
attributed to what rumors friends had heard. There was not
one single one of those scaremongering third party rumors
this time.

Has the scaremongering by the Gulible Warming hucksters
made people more critical of unsubstantiated rumors?
Good!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


The number of divorces in this country proves that this is the land of the free. The number of marriages proves that it is truly the home of the brave. --- Socratex A man is often a bad adviser to himself and a good adviser to another. --- Socratex
How do you tell the difference between the psychologists and the patients in a psychiatric hospital? Short term: The psychologists show off expensive footwear. Long term: The patients get better and leave.
A business traveller was passing through a small town when he came upon a huge funeral procession. "Who died?" he asked a nearby local. "I'm not sure," replied the local, " but I think it's the one in the coffin. Just come along, even if we don't get close enough to hear at the cemetary, maybe we'll find out at the party afterward."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hi, just thought I'd send you my picture of my Fall Asters. I live on Vancouver Island & they are all blooming very nice. Having nice autumn days, but the rains & wind are supposed to hit soon. The maple is losing it's leaves now, but lovely fall colors yet. Keep up the good work, enjoy your jokes & tips & info. Take care, Betty
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ongley Raymond Ocon III of Danville, California Danville man asks police for ride home, forgets about cocaine in pocket A 19-year-old Danville man was arrested in Redwood City after he asked a policeman for a transbay ride home but forgot about the cocaine he had, the San Mateo County District Attorney's Office reported. Authorities say Ongley Raymond Ocon III had left a party in San Carlos early Sunday when he walked up to a Redwood City patrol car and pressed his face against the driver's side window, said Chief Deputy District Attorney Stephen Wagstaffe. The officer rolled his window down and asked what Ocon wanted. He said he needed a ride home to Danville. Wagstaffe said the officer then asked Ocon if he was carrying anything illegal. "He said yes, but then paused and said no," Wagstaffe said. The conflicting answers prompted the officer to ask Ocon if he could search him, and Ocon consented, Wagstaffe said. That resulted in the discovery of a bindle of cocaine in one of his pockets. Ocon was charged with felony possession of cocaine and was scheduled for arraignment today.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: Highlighting in HTML Dear Webby, I took a one year evening course at the college to learn HTML and write pages, but never learned some of the neat stuff you do,like the highlighting, for example on the Recommended Resources headline in the left side menu. I find it neat, but nobody else seems to be able to do it. Is that a secret trick, or can you tell me? Alice Dear Alice It's not a secret at all, just a style. To show the actual code and not have your email program execute it, I will use the # sign instead of the angle brackets before and after the code. To get white text on red highlight, use this code: #font size="+1" color="white" style="background-color: red;"# white text on red highlight, #/font# Instead of "red", you can of course use any of the proper color names or numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Ted's daughter had adopted a stray cat. To his wife's distress, the cat began to use the back of their new sofa as a scratching post. "Don't worry," Ted reassured her. "I'll have him trained in no time." Nettie watched for several days as Ted patiently "trained" their new pet. Whenever the cat scratched, Ted deposited him outdoors to teach him a lesson. The cat learned quickly. For the next 16 years, whenever he wanted to go outside, he scratched the back of the sofa.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good, I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet, somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena, and with a soft trembling voice, he said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45." "37," came the weak reply from Lena.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While taking with a client at the coffee shop, I was telling her about a woman who had rear-ended my car at a traffic light. She had tried without any success to blame me for the accident. "She even called me every dirty name in the book!" I said. Just then I looked over to the next table where two nine-year-old boys had apparently been paying close attention to my story. One said to the other, "We got to get that book!"

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Genuine Art Prints 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 24, 2010

A friend asked me what the difference was between an "Art Print"
and a "Print", when it came to paintings. 

Aside from the price, the major difference is that "Art Prints"
are numbered and signed by the painter, strictly limited in
quantity, and have investment value, because there are only
so many released in the entrie world. 

Regular poster prints are not limited in number. There could
be Thousands, or Millions of them, and they have no investment
value until their numbers have shrunk down to just a few, 
75 to hundred yeas later. 

Art prints are on fine canvas or special art paper, and they 
have the signature of the painter along with two numbers.
For example, 171/250 would indicate that you have #171
out of the 250 that were made. If you pick art prints by 
popular artists, that are already in demand, their value 
will always go up, because the numbers are limited.

I have one client, who sells genuine Art Prints, and also
occasionally some originals on http://artmaster.ca
Have a look and get an idea what real Art Prints are all
about, and see why people use them to inflation-proof
their earnings. 

Len speializes in northern wildlife, but there are Art Prints
available in almost any theme.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. Even when you make a tax form out on the level, you don't know when it's through if you are a crook or a martyr." --- Will Rogers "Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt." --- Herbert Hoover "A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway." --- Fr. Jerome Cummings
A young man named Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager. Upon completion of the test both men had only missed one of the questions. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thank you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job." "And why would you be doing that? asked Murphy. "We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish I should get the job!" "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed." "And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" "Simple," replied the manager. "On question # 5, the American put down, 'I don't know.' You put down 'Neither do I.'"
An efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You need to be careful about trying these techniques at home." "Why?" asked somebody from the audience. "I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" "Did it save time?" the guy in the audience asked. "Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her 20 minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven."
For those times, when the regular Search or Undelete are not quite good enough, you need the Real File Recovery Software Not free, but priceless, if you have it, when you need it. After you install it, File R/D tracks your files, so that it CAN recover them, when needed. Get File R/D here!
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Cassia tree
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, Conn. Break-in suspect reports his car was stolen OLD SAYBROOK, Conn. (AP) - A Connecticut man was arrested after police said he burglarized three condos then called officers to report that the car he allegedly used in the break-ins had been stolen. Police said 33-year-old Geraldo "Tito" Figueroa, of Waterbury, reported late Monday to Fairfield police that his car had been taken. An officer responding to the burglaries in Old Saybrook, Conn., just hours before said he had spotted Figueroa fleeing the sceene with a pillow case full of items. Police said a car linked to Figueroa was left at the condo complex with items inside that had been reported stolen there. Figueroa was arraigned Wednesday on burglary and larceny charges and was ordered held on $300,000 cash bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Marcus Re: PayPal fees Dear Webby, I know you are a PayPal user. My bank told me that PayPal was charging all kinds of hidden fees and was a lot more expensive to use than a bank merchant account. What's the real story? Marcus Dear Marcus If that was true, I would love to know which bank that is. PayPal has no hidden fees. Cost to the seller is 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9% for small amounts falling off to 2.2% for large amounts of money per sale. That's it. No hidden stuff like $20 per check deposit book, or line item charges or statement fees or account costs like at the bank, etc. For personal account transfers within the US and Canada, there is NO fee at PayPal, if you use your PayPal balance. I dare you to find a bank that will match that! If a credit or debit card is used, then the recipient is charged 30 cents per transaction plus 2.9%. That may seem high, until you compare it to what you pay for the same transaction, if you do it through a bank merchant account! With PayPal you don't have cute bank tellers flirting at you, but if cost is the only consideration, then the banks are not really competing, especially when international transactions are involved. The same applies to customers. If they pay for an invoice via PayPal from their balance on PayPal, there is absolutely no fee for them. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Young Son: "Is it true, Dad? I heard that in some parts of Asia a man doesn't know his wife until he marries her? Dad: "That happens in most countries, son."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Costume Safety Tips Regardless of if your costume is bought or homemade, please use a "homemade" face. As a volunteer with our local fire dept and a first responder, I find it sad that every year at least one child is injured by their costume. Instead of a mask, consider using makeup to create the face. A mask is often bumped out of place and blocks vision. Some masks also contain lead (from the paints) which can be inhaled. Other times small children have had them block their nose and mouth while sleeping and have suffered from a lack of oxygen. So instead of a mask, draw those whiskers and such on the face. If your child's costume has a tail, have them practice stairs with it. You may need to shorten it so that they don't trip over their tail. Don't let them ride their bikes with sandals, tails or other costume parts that can be tangled in the brakes or spokes of the bike. Also avoid materials that are highly flammable. Try to make it with pajama fabric if you can. It is marked as being flame retardant. One step too close to a Jack O lantern can result in third degree burns. Try to place some reflective tape on all sides of the costume and give your child a flash light. Avoid costumes that are of dark or black colors. Lastly, please don't use draw strings around the face or neck area. Use elastic string instead, and make sure it is loose and won't choke a child if caught on something. Source: Very sad experiences. By April http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Working as a secretary at an international airport, my sister had an office adjacent to where security temporarily holds suspects. One day security officers were questioning a man when they were suddenly called away on another emergency. To the horror of my sister and her colleagues, the man was left alone in the unlocked room. After a few minutes, the door opened, and he began to walk out. Summoning up her courage, one of the secretaries barked, "Get back in there, and don't come out until you're told!" The man scuttled back inside and slammed the door. When the security people returned, the woman reported what had happened. Without a word, an officer walked into the room and released one very frightened telephone repairman.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Little Johnny wanted to go to the zoo, so he pestered his parents for days. Finally, his mother talked his reluctant father into taking him. "So how was it?" his mother asked when they returned home. "Great," Little Johnny replied. "Did you and your father have a good time?" asked his mother. "Yeah, Daddy really liked it," exclaimed Little Johnny excitedly, "especially when one of the animals came racing home at 30 to 1!"

» 1893 World Fair





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Ol' Blue 

University life!

A young cowboy from Texas goes off to college. Halfway through the semester, he has foolishly squandered all his money. He calls home.

"Dad," he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing! They actually have a program here in College Station that will teach our dog, Ol' Blue how to talk!"

"That's amazing," his Dad says. "How do we get Ol' Blue in that program?" "Just send him down here with $1,000" the young cowboy says. "I'll get him in the course."

So, his father sends the dog and $1,000. About two-thirds of the way through the semester, the money again runs out. The boy calls home. "So how's Ol' Blue doing son?" his father asks. " Awesome, Dad, he's talking up a storm," he says, "but you just won't believe this - they've had such good results they have started to teach the animals how to read!" "Read!?" says his father, "No kidding! How do we get Blue into that program?" "Just send $2,500, I'll get him in the class." The money promptly arrives.

But our hero has a problem. At the end of the year, his father will find out the dog can neither talk, nor read... so he shoots the dog. When he arrives home at the end of the year, his father is all excited. "Where's Ol' Blue? I just can't wait to see him read something and talk!" "Dad," the boy says, "I have some grim news. Yesterday morning, just before we left to drive home, Ol' Blue was in the living room, kicked back in the recliner, reading the Wall Street Journal, like he usually does. Then he turned to me and asked, "So, is your daddy still messing' around with that young lady who lives in town?" The father exclaimed, "I hope you shot that son of a bitch before he talks to your Mother!" "I sure did, Dad!" "That's my boy!"

The kid went on to be a successful lawyer and then went into politics.

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Bay Street Clothes 

Two men from Quebec are walking along Bay Street they see a sign which reads,
"Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair"

Maurice says to his pal, Andre: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune.

Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Toronto accent."

They go in and Maurice orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and....

The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Quebec, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Maurice. "How come you know dat?"

The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaner business."


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Pictures not showing in Windows 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, October 23, 2010
I was surprised at the feedback on my articles on spreadsheets.
It seems a lot of people, even though they had been on computers
for many years and were quite comfortable with Yahoo and 
FaceBook, had never been introduced to spreadsheets. 
Now, after playing with them for five minutes, it was as if they 
had received the key to the toy store.

Trixie wrote that after she showed my formula for the Thank-You 
letters to her boss, he dumped the $600 program, that they
had cussed at for years, that was supposed to accomplish the 
same as my formula does, but was not quite flexible enough. 
Now she plays with spreadsheets instead of Farmville. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"When it is time to die, let us not discover that we never lived." ---Henry David Thoreau I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book. --- Groucho Marx
Two men from Arkansas are Walking along Sam Houston Street they see a sign which reads, " Suits $5.00 each, Shirts $2.00 each, Trousers $2.50 per pair" Bubba says to his pal, Josh: "LOOK! We could buy a whole lot of those, and when we get back home we could make a fortune. Now when we go into the shop, you be quiet, okay? Just let me do all the talking 'cause if they hear our accent, they might not serve us. I'll speak in my best Texas drawl." They go in and Bubba orders 50 suits at 5.00 each, 100 shirts at 2.00 each and 50 pairs of trousers at 2.50 each. "I'll back up my pickup and.... The owner of the shop interrupts, "You're from Arkansas, aren't you?" "Oh, yes," says a surprised Bubba. "How come you know that?" The owner says, "This is a dry-cleaners business."
The Indians asked their Chief if the coming winter was going to be cold or not. Not really knowing the answer, the chief replied that the winter will be cold and that the members of the village should collect wood to be prepared. Being a good leader, he then drove to town, called the National Weather Service and asked, "Is this winter to be cold?" The man on the phone responded, "This winter is indeed going to be very cold." So the Chief went back to encourage his people to collect even more wood to be prepared. A week later he called the National Weather Service again, and asked again, "Is it going to be a very cold winter?" "Yes," the man replied, "it's going to be a very cold winter." The Chief went back to his people and ordered them to go out and bring back every scrap of wood they could find. Two weeks later he called the National Weather Service again. "Are you absolutely sure that this winter is going to be very cold?" "Absolutely" the man replies, "the Indians are collecting wood like crazy!"
Free Psychic Reading Click this link and get a reading based on your birth date and name. If it helps you win the lottery, I sure would appreciate a tip! In the meantime, Tara promised to throw some coins at me for every one who asks for a free reading via this link. I wish I could afford to throw coins and bills at YOU! Free reading
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Monument Valley floor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elizabeth Moreau, 27, ESPN Gullible reporter pranked OCTOBER 21--In a move straight out of the Pranknet playbook, an ESPN reporter early this morning was convinced by an unknown caller to her hotel to break out her room's windows because the building was purportedly on fire. According to a Gainesville Police Department report, ESPNU reporter Elizabeth Moreau was in her room at a Hilton Garden Inn when a male caller advised “that the hotel was on fire.” The man first directed Moreau, 27, to “lay towels down at the bottom of her front door to prevent smoke from entering her room.” The caller then directed Moreau to use the toilet tank lid to break out the window. “She then went to the window and used it to break out the window. The window was broken and the toilet lid broke upon falling to the ground outside,” police reported. It is unknown who was responsible for today’s hoax, which cops have classified a "suspicious incident." Moreau, in Gainesville to cover a women’s volleyball match between the University of Florida and the University of Tennessee, told cops that the caller then advised “that’s what she gets for being bad at ‘sucking di**.’” According to ESPN, at this point, Moreau, pictured above, realized she had been pranked, because she knew, that was not true.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Goldie Re: Pictures not showing I had to get a new computer and it has Windows 7. Since then the pics on your site are not opening. MS said I would have to set up each site for the pic to come thru. Can you help Dear Goldie As usual, MS support doesn't know what they are BSing about. Windows 7 is kinda klutzy, as you probably noticed, but it does work! Just go into your Gmail settings and turn the pictures on. Usually it is the 4th item in the settings: Look for a line marked "External Content" Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A man walked into a pet shop, pointed to a large dog in a kennel and said, "How much do you want for that big dog?" "Fifty dollars," replied the clerk. "And how much for that small fella there?" asked the customer. "One hundred dollars," answered the clerk. "And for that tiny one?" "Two hundred dollars," said the clerk. The customer looked puzzled for a moment and then said, "Well, how much will it cost me if I don't buy a dog at all?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Laminate and Use Keepsake Maps I invested in a laminating machine from the office store a few years ago for some craft projects, and really got carried away. I had scads of road maps (available for free from each state's tourism office). I cut these to fit my kitchen drawers, laminated them, and slid them in. They can be wiped free of crumbs and spills, and are fun drawer-liners. Then I laminated some brochures from our favorite RV parks, and use them as placemats at rest stops. For the motorhome, I laminated one entire map to use as a giant placemat to cover the whole dining table - it can be rolled up, held together with a rubber band and stored away in the RV. And all of these nice things were free, except the cost of the lamination. By Lady Eleanour from The Rocket City http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Overheard in the bank today: A few ladies were discussing the newsreport about the hormone pills for women in or after menopause claiming that the hormones could lead to 8 more heart attacks in 10 000 people. Most figured that 8 in 10 000 was so small a number that it was probably due to some fluke ot error, and only one of them seemed inclined to consider giving up the estrogen pills. Then the old country doctor, who had just come in, interrupted in her usual gruff and surly manner. She said: "8 in 10 000 is silly! If 10 000 stop using the hormone pills, you'll see 8000 divorces and 800 murders! 8 Heart attacks I can deal with nowadays, but not 10 000 grouchy dingbats!" Everybody cracked up laughing, especially because she has a reputation for being quite a grouch.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the men she could have married, and she didn't have to hear about the way his mother cooked.

» September's Harvest Moon, Jupiter Rising





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Why are my pictures dingy and drab? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 22, 2010
Time to wear a bit of ret to how your support for the troops!

Another beautiful fall day, but definitely a bit of a chill 
in the air. I was looking forward to a red harvest moon, but 
the farmers seem to be holding off with the harvest. It is the 
dust from thousands of combines that makes the prettiest
harvest moons in this area.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Those who have knowledge, don't predict. Those who predict, don't have knowledge. " --- Lao Tzu (6th Century BC Chinese Poet) "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
How does Janice like being pregnant?" Bob asked his friend John. "Oh, she's not pregnant," John replied, "she's expecting." "What's the difference?" Bob pressed. "Well, John explained, "She's expecting me to cook dinner, she's expecting me to do the housework, she's expecting me to rub her feet...."
A lion woke up one morning feeling rowdy. He went out and cornered a small monkey and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The trembling monkey said, "Because you are the King of the Jungle, mighty lion!" Later, the lion confronted a deer and bellowed, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" The terrified deer stammered, "Oh great lion, because you are the King of the Jungle, you are by far the mightiest animal in the jungle!" On a roll, the lion swaggered up to little field mouse and roared, "Why am I so much stronger than you are?" And the little field mouse replied, "I haven't had my coffee yet."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Herbstzeitlose, after the harvest flowers.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Ruth Crow, 54, Ridgeway, Wisconsin Woman returning from DUI court appearance arrested for another DUII A Ridgeway woman returning from a court appearance Monday in Waukesha for allegedly driving drunk was arrested in Madison for another drunken driving offense, this time after crashing into two vehicles, Madison police reported. Ruth Crow, 54, was tentatively charged with either her sixth or seventh drunken driving offense following her arrest at 2 p.m. Tuesday on South Midvale Boulevard at the westbound Beltline exit, police said. "She evidently decided to have a few beers before returning home," said Madison police spokesman Joel DeSpain. According to the incident report, Crow made an appearance in Waukesha County Circuit Court on Monday morning, where she was charged with a fifth or sixth operating while intoxicated offense. (State court records show Crow got a fourth OWI in 2005). "Her commute back to Iowa County was unsuccessful," DeSpain said. She reportedly ran the red light at the exit and collided with an SUV and a car on South Midvale Boulevard. The drivers of the two vehicles — a 46-year-old female from Verona and a 38-year-old man from Madison — said Crow tried to drive away after crashing, but her car was too badly damaged. "One of the drivers told an officer that it looked like she was trying to floor it, but the wheels were spinning," DeSpain said. Crow blew a 0.13 on the breathalyzer; the legal limit for drivers with no priors or up to three DUIs is 0.08, for multi-offenders with more than three OWIs the limit is 0.02.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wolfie Re: Why are my pictures so drab? Dear Webby, The pictures you feature are always so bright and clear. My own look drab and dingy by comparison. Even when you get pictures from others, they too are always in bright colors and sharp. Do you enhance them? How? Wolfie Dear Wolfie Sometimes I enhance them a bit, to bring them up to the standard that you expect on the Humor Letter, but that is very rare, maybe once every hundred pictures. Normally I just cut them down to the right size, like I did today. Most likely you got your graphics program set to compress the file size. Especially, if you use Adobe, that throws away a lot of color depth, and pictures look dingier, the more often you save them. I use PSP and turn compression off completely. Compression has nothing to do with the dimensions of a picture. It is simply compressing the file size by throwing away pixels that look similar to the ones near them. Try the same and turn file size compression off. You will be surprised how much better the pictures look! Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Giving a man his physical, a doctor noticed several dark, ugly bruises on his shins, so he asked, "Do you play hockey, soccer, or any physical sport?" "No, not at all. Sometimes when we play bridge with our neighbors I have to partner with my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Uses for Leftover Coffee Here's a couple of tips to make use of leftover coffee. Instead of reusing coffee grounds as some people do, I reuse the leftover coffee itself. It seems that nobody wants to drink the last cup or two in the pot in our house so, instead of throwing it down the sink, I blend it with the fresh pot. I decrease the fresh grounds for the new pot I'm making by a scoop or two and mix the fresh water with the leftover coffee from the previous pot. I've been doing this for years; it hasn't damaged the coffeemaker and I still get compliments for making a good cup of coffee. Leftover coffee can also be used when making iced coffee or a smoothie. Freeze leftover coffee in ice cube trays and use coffee cubes instead of plain ice. Coffee cubes added to gravy or stew gives a lovely color and taste. Believe it or not, coffee makes an awesome after shower hair rinse for dark haired people and it smells great. Source: Years of living on a tight budget. By Mlina from Amherstburg, ON http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A couple of opposing candidates for county office happened to be sitting next to each other in the local diner. One turned to the other and said, "You know why I'm going to win this election? Because of my 'personal touch.' For example, I always tip waitresses really well and then ask them to vote for me." "Oh, really?" replied the other. "I always tip them a nickel and ask them to vote for you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A salesman, tired of his job, gave it up to become a policeman. Several months later, a friend asked him how he liked his new role. "Well," he replied, "the pay is good and the hours aren't bad, but what I like best is that the customer is always wrong."

» Strange stairways





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Which spreadsheet is best? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 21, 2010
The US Dollar is really taking a beating. I deposited some checks
from US clients at the bak, and got just 91 cents Canadian per 
US Dollar. Ouch! 
Let's hope the November 2 election will restore some hope and 
confidence in the US economy! If this slide continues, it is 
going to be an expensive winter for many of you. Better
stock up, if you can!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


There is nothing new under the sun but there are lots of old things we don't know. --- Ambrose Bierce "Ignorance once dispelled is difficult to reestablish." --- Laurence J. Peter Thomas Jefferson once said, 'We should never judge a president by his age, only by his works.' And ever since he told me that, I stopped worrying. --- Ronald Reagan "Vegetarians don't live longer, they just look older." --- Socratex
Catherine, a RN, was unhappy with her job, so she submitted her resignation. She was sure she'd have no trouble finding a new position, because of the nursing shortage in her area. She e-mailed cover letters to dozens of potential employers and attached her resume to each one. Two weeks later, Catherine was dismayed and bewildered that she had not received even one request for an interview. Finally she received a message from a prospective employer that explained the reason she hadn't heard from anyone else. It read: "Your resume was not attached as stated. I do, how- ever, want to thank you for the sausage lasagna recipe."
Ray had just reached his 175th birthday last week. Surrounded by reporters, he was asked, "Excuse me, sir, but how did you come to live to be 175?" Ray answered, "It was easy. I just never argue with anyone." A reporter shot back, "That's crazy. It had to be something else -- diet, meditation, or *something*. Just not arguing won't keep you alive for 175 years!" The old fella stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. Then he shrugged. "Hmmm. Maybe you're right."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Beetle for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Dear Webby, A friend was asked to take care of the Sattley Cash Store and Post Office for a week. He invited me to assist. When standing at the counter in the store, one would turn around and help the post office customer. Sattley,Ca is northwest of Truckee,Ca. Take Care Beetle
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joel Roth, 65, of Ponte Vedra, Florida Driver ran amok JACKSONVILLE, Fla. -- A Ponte Vedra Beach man is accused of ramming several cars Saturday night at the Beaches with witnesses saying the driver's vehicle topped speeds of 90 miles per hour. Joel Roth, 65, is charged with aggravated battery with a deadly weapon. Roth told investigators following his arrest, "I thought I was God and could do anything in the world. When asked why he rammed all of the vehicles, Roth responded, "I thought I was the smartest guy in the world." Altogether five vehicles were rammed in separate incidents in Jacksonville Beach, Neptune Beach and Jacksonville. Staley Street, who was one of the victims, told police she believed the suspect was trying to kill her. "He came up from nowhere. I looked in my rear view for a split second I saw headlights like they were almost in my trunk. And then we went flying and then we continued to get smashed into over and over again," said Street who was on J. Turner Butler along with a roommate Saturday night. Police reports said at least one person sustained injuries. Roth was arrested in Atlantic Beach after police say he hit three cars on 3rd Street after exiting the expressway.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Millie Re: Which Spreadsheet is best? Dear Webby, There are lots of different spreadsheets available.Which one is best, and still affordable? Millie Dear Millie The best one is the one you are used to. VisiCalc was the first one, and ever since then, companies that copied the concept, have sued each other for copyright infringement. First there was the war between Lotus 123 and Quattro, then Microsoft entered the fray with Excel, and so on. The result was that each company did their own cosmetic changes to look a bit different. In Quattro, for example, to pull in the data from cell B10, you use +B10 In Excel you use =B10 Yeah, little girls tying the ribbon in their hair differently. Excel is in Microsoft Office and about as popular as Outlook Express, because it comes pre-loaded as a trial sample with every Windows machine. Microsoft Office is $279 Quattro is in Corel Office (formerly WordPerfect Office). The newest version of Corel Office is $259 You can usually pick up a previous version of Corel Office on eBay for $15 - $50. The changes between versions are not really worth mentioning. Calc in Open Office is free, and it can pick up files from Excel and from Quattro, and also write them in those formats. Even if a teacher gets a kickback from the local Microsoft vendor and insists on Excel, students can use the free Open Office Calc, and save their homework in Excel format. You can guess what a lot of students are using nowadays! $279 buys an awful lot of beer, ahem I mean school books. The same goes for industry and commerce. They don't switch suddenly, but whenever they need to replace machines, they put Open Office onto the new machines. Europe is leading in that, possibly because they replace machines more frequently, but the same trend is becoming noticeable here too. Then there are the on-line spreadsheets like Google Spreadsheets. They are still a bit basic and slow, but in five years will be quite competitive. For right now, especially since cost seems to be a consideration factor, I would recommend the free Open Office Calc for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Once upon a time,.... Margaret Thatcher and her Cabinet were meeting over lunch to discuss an important bit of impending legislation. "And what will you have, Madam?" asked the waiter, coming over with his notepad. "I'll have the Beef Wellington," replied the Prime Minister promptly, eager to get on with the business at hand. "And, for the vegetables?" continued the waiter politely. Thatcher replied briskly, "They'll have the same."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reusing Mylar Balloons I have a few ideas for the shiny metallic-looking Mylar balloons that would otherwise go to a landfill: more.... (long article) http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A honeymooning couple had purchased a talking parrot and taken it to their room, where much to the groom's annoyance, the bird kept up a running commentary on their love-making. Finally the groom threw a large towel over the cage and threatened to give the parrot to the zoo if he didn't quit it. The next morning, packing to return home, the couple couldn't close a large suitcase. The groom said, "Darling, you get on top and I'll try." That didn't work. Figuring they needed more weight on the lid, she said, "Sweetheart, you get on top and I'll try." Still no success. Then he said, "Look. Let's both get on top and try." At that point the parrot pulled away the towel with his beak and said, "Zoo or no zoo, both on top, THAT I gotta see!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man walks into a bar with a duck and a big bisquit tin. He sets the duck on top of the biscuit box on the bar and the duck begins dancing. The barman finds this rather interesting, as do the rest of the patrons in the bar. They all gather around the duck and watch it for a long time. While everyone is watching the duck dance, they buy more drinks from the bar. By the end of the night, the bar is full of people watching this amazing duck, still dancing and letting out an odd quack now and again. The barman realizes that he hasn't had business this good in a long time. Business is so good, in fact, that he offers to buy the duck from the man. The man tells the bartender that he can have the duck for 500 pounds. The barman thinks it is a bit expensive, but agrees to buy the duck anyway. After selling the duck, the man goes home, leaving a crowded pub watching his dancing duck. Later that night, the man gets a telephone call from the barman, who exclaims that the duck is a great success and that he has earned his money back in the amount of drinks he has sold. Then the barman says, "There is one thing, though. How do you get the duck to stop dancing?" And the man says, "Oh, it's simple. Just take the lid of the biscuit box and blow out the candle."

» Earth, Aerial Photos





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British Newspapers 

True Reports from British life ........!!!

Commenting on a complaint from a Mr. Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said, 'We agree it was rather high for the time of year.
It's possible Mr. Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house.

(The Daily Telegraph)

Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear.
When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend.

(The Manchester Evening News)

Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description.
It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.

(The Guardian)

A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster.
A coast guard spokesman commented, 'This sort of thing is all too common'.

(The Times)

At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed.
He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.

(Aberdeen Evening Express)

Mrs. Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue , Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden.
He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled - 'He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out 'Heil Hitler.''

(Bournemouth Evening Echo)



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What are spreadsheets? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 20, 2010

We had another beautiful fall day, and the wind picked up
quite nicely. For a while I watched the leaves from the hills
to the West of us go by, on their way East towards Ontario.
Most will probably get shredded on the way, and fertilize 
some field somewhere on the prairies. The wind will keep
going, and Ontario can expect an "Alberta Clipper" in about
five days.
Have FUN!
DearWebby


The difference between truth and fiction: fiction has to make sense. ---Mark Twain Few things are harder to put up with than a good example. --- Mark Twain Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics. --- Fletcher Knebel
An English landowner and his Irish manservant ran into each other in hell one day. "My lord," the Irishman exclaimed, "What are you doing here?" The landowner sighed. "I'm here because I lied, cheated, and stole to pay the debts run up by that playboy son of mine. But you were a faithful, loyal servant. Why are you here?" "For fathering that playboy son of yours," the Irishman replied.
Jeff had gone to propose to his girlfriend and returned home crying bitterly. "What happened, son?" his father asked, eagerly awaiting her response. "Did she accept?" "No, she sure didn't," sobbed Jeff. "When I told her what you advised me to say, she slapped my face and told me to get out." "Did you begin by telling her what I told you to say, what I told your mother when she accepted my proposal? 'Sweetheart, time stands still when I look in your eyes.' Did you tell her that?" asked his father. "More or less, but maybe I got it mixed up a bit," Jeff groaned. "I said, 'My Dear, you have a face that would stop a clock'!"
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Sandie for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Rare Poinciana tree
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Noemi Duchene, 44 and Luis Del Castillo, 45 in El Paso, Texas Trash bag clad robber tries to hold up jewelry store while getaway wheelchair waits outside Two people are in police custody following an unbelievable attempted jewelry store heist in El Paso, Texas. Security camera footage shows 44-year-old Noemi Duchene and 45-year-old Luis Del Castillo arrive outside of Estate & New Jewelry late Tuesday morning with Del Castillo pushing Duchene in her wheelchair. Duchene then gets out of her chair, covers her head and upper body with a large black trash bag and enters the jewelry store while Del Castillo waits with the chair. Once inside Duchene pulls a kitchen knife and demands "everything". Store owner Linda Bradely decided not to comply and drew a stun gun in response. "We're chasing each other around like keystone cops," Bradely recalls. "I knew I could outrun her because she was obviously not very quick." A store customer eventually tackled Duchene and held her until police arrived. Del Castillo was still waiting outside with the wheelchair and was also arrested. Investigators say the pair live in an apartment across the street from the jewelry store.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Olga Re: Spreadsheet Mystery Dear Webby, What you wrote about spreadsheet tricks is awesome. But at the moment, I don't even know what a spreadsheet is. Can you please start at the beginning, explain what it is and how to use it? Just put five years of college into a couple of paragraphs, like you usually do. Thanks Olga Dear Olga I should have stayed in the paid education system. I'd be eating meat instead of oat meal. Spreadsheets are like graph paper. The horizontal rows are nubered from the top down, the vertical columns have letters from left to right. Each rectangle in the graph paper is called a cell and has an "Address". The top left corner cell is A1. The cell to the right of it is B1. At the right, after Z comes AA, AB, AC and so on. After AZ comes BA, BB, BC, and so on. The cell below A1 is A2, the one below that is A3, and so on. The row numbers and column letters are shown in the margin. You can write text, numbers or formulas into any cell. Lets say you write into A1: Name, into B1: Hours into C1: Wage Then into A2 to A10 write a bunch of names, one per cell. Into C2 to C10 you write the hourly wages of those people. Now comes the fun part! Into D1 write Gross, and into D2 write =+B2*C2 Hit ENTER and then copy C2 and paste it all the way down to C10. The hard part is done. Now simply enter numbers into the B (Hours) column. When you do, their gross wage, before deductions, appears in Column D. Naturally, if you were doing payroll, you would have additional columns for the deductions. This is just to illustrate the concept. Now, below D10 write into D11: ======= and into D12: =SUM(D2:D10) Hit ENTER, and it shows the total sum of all the wages in that column. Now go to the right of that, into E12 amd write: =D12 That shows the same number as in D12 Now imagine you copied that whole effort from A1 to E12, and pasted it 52 times down th sheet for 52 weeks. At the bottom of all that, below the last item in the E column, do a sum of the E column, and it shows you the annual total. If you left a blank row between each week, that sum would be in E574. Go up to the top, and into cell F1 write: =E574 Now, whenever you enter hours anywhere, in any week, the annual total shown in F1 changes. Whenever you do anything in a spreadsheet, it recalculates everything and updates all results. I kept it simple to just show the concept. There is almost no limit to what you can do with a spreadsheet. You could for example use an IF formula. IF the wage is below a certain number, use this tax rate, else use that. Or you could calculate overtime. IF the weekly hours are over 40, then take the hours over 40 and multiply the by 1.5 and add those to 40. Speadsheets are also used to play with text. Here is an actual example from my invoicing spreadsheet: =CONCATENATE("Dear ",K92,"! Thank you for your payment of $",S92," on "&TEXT(R92, "mmmm dd, yyyy")," for Invoice #",O92,". Your account has been updated and your invoice at http://clients.webby.com/inv/",I92," has been marked paid. Thank you for being a valued client!") Instead of K92, the spreadsheet of course shows whatever name is typed in that cell. The same goes for all the other cell references. Spreadsheets are pretty neat magic and are ideal for automating any number or text manipulation. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A big executive boarded a New York to Chicago train. He explained to the porter, "I'm a heavy sleeper, but I want you to be sure and wake me up at 3:00 am for the stop in Buffalo. Don't care what I say, no matter what silly excuse I will have to try and sleep more, you just make sure I get off in Buffalo." The next morning the executive woke up in Chicago. He was furious. He found the porter and really gave him an earful before hustling off to purchase a return ticket. After he left, a co-worker said to the porter, "How can you stand there and let that passenger abuse you like that?" "That's nothing," said the porter. "You should have heard the guy whom I kicked off the train in Buffalo!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Seasonal Flag Care and Tips I like to display one of the larger decorative banners on the flagpole on my porch for all the seasons, holidays and occasions. They're nylon, nearly indestructible, and can be washed in the washer when they get dusty. But after a season or two (especially the summer ones), they become faded and the vibrant colours aren't as nice. Here are a few idea for dealing with your seasonal banners: http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Virginia was talking with her four year old son, Brent. He was asking her why all their relatives from Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up. "They think we have an accent," she replied. "But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny." "Everybody talks in different ways," she tried to explain. "To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a-w-n out." His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously, "Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An old fellow came into the hospital almost dying due to an infected gallbladder. After what seemed aeons of tests and preparations, the gall bladder surgeon removed the gall bladder without any fuss or problem and had the patient sent up to the post-op ward. The charge nurse there insisted that all patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, even though the head nurse had to raise her mighty voice, once, and keep her stern gaze on him the first three days as two student nurses half carried, half dragged him up and down the hallway. On the fifth day they were able to walk him hangin on to only one nurse, and on the tenth day the nurse noticed that the reason he was hanging on now had not much to do with balance and support any more, especially when walking the trails on the roof garden with Linda After two weeks the patient was ready to go home. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father, telling him he was a miracle worker. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and that they had been lucky to get him into the hospital time. "Oh no,doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Our father hasn't walked in over ten years!"

» Coast Ghosts





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Different scales in a spreadsheet graph 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 19, 2010
We had a beautiful, warm fall day today. There is still some
snow in the shady spots, but it was warm enough for short 
sleeves in the sun. Even now, at 2 am it is only around Zero
(32 F)

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"You can often measure a person by the size of his dream." --- Robert H. Schuller "A man is not old until regrets take the place of dreams." --- John Barrymore I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use. --- Galileo Galilei
During a service at an old synagogue in Eastern Europe, when the Shema prayer was said, half the congregants stood up and half remained sitting. The half that was seated started yelling at those standing to sit down, and the ones standing yelled at the ones sitting to stand up... The rabbi, learned as he was in the Law and commentaries, didn't know what to do. His congregation suggested that he consult a house-bound 98 year old man, who was one of the original founders of their temple. The rabbi hoped the elderly man would be able to tell him what the actual temple tradition was, so he went to the nursing home with a representative of each faction of the congregation. The one whose followers stood during Shema said to the old man, "Is the tradition to stand during this prayer?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." The one whose followers sat asked, "Is the tradition to sit during Shema?" The old man answered, "No, that is not the tradition." Then the rabbi said to the old man, "The congregants fight all the time, yelling at each other about whether they should sit or stand..." The old man interrupted, exclaiming, "THAT is the tradition!"
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, having once dated his daughter, and I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Yes,....I could do it, if you're serious about this. However, just a quick dipping won't do it for you. We'll have to find a deep place to anchor you overnight."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version. Can't do a thing with it until it dries!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Albert Y.M. Huang, 35, San Gabriel, CA Mayor Charged with Assault, Robbery, for Purse-Snatching SAN GABRIEL, Calif. (CBS/AP) A prominent resident of San Gabriel, Calif. in suburban Los Angeles was early arrested Friday after he allegedly snatched a woman's purse and took her for a wild ride, clinging to his sport utility vehicle. That prominent resident is the mayor. San Gabriel police say Mayor Albert Y.M. Huang was booked in jail for investigation of felony assault, felony robbery and misdemeanor battery. Police say the 35-year-old Huang was in a parking lot arguing with the woman about money, when he grabbed her purse and got into his SUV. Investigators say the woman was standing on the running board and reaching through the passenger window when Mayor Huang sped away, reaching speeds of 45 mph for more than a quarter-mile.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: Different scales on spreadsheet graphs Dear Webby, I need to combine temperature, barometric pressure and humidity in one graph, but because the numbers are so totally different, it makes a huge graph with the lines way too far apart. How do I get them all reasonably in the center? Is there a way to adjust the scale of each series with Excel? Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen On a few spreadsheets, not Excel, you can adjust the scale, but it is quite a hassle. Here is a better way to accomplish that. Lets say you got the page set for a fixed header. Pick three cells in that some way over to te right of the labeled columns, for example T1,U1,V1. If you want to shift the temperature up by 35, put 35 into T1 and if you want to make the barometric pressure number 15 times smaller, put 15 into V1. Put some resaonably average dummy numbers into the first row (2). Now add a new column after the temperature column, let's say temperature is in column C, and in the top cell below the dummy row (D3), put: =if(C3<>"",C3+$T$1, C2+$T$1) That formula looks to see if you have a temperature listed in C3. If you do, it adds whatever you got in T1. $T$1 ensures, that the formula ALWAYS looks it up at that fixed location, not a location relative to the formula. If there is no temperature in C3, it takes the previous reading from C2. That produces a neat flat line from the last reading to the right end of the graph, instead of nothing. Let's say humidity is in column E, and Pressure in column G Put this formula into H3: =if(G3<>"",G3/$V$1, G2/$V$1) Here the formula takes the pressure reading and divides it by whatever is in V1 Copy and paste the formulas down their respective columns a few hundred rows. Now set the graph to take the generated temperature numbers from column D instead of the raw numer from column C and for the humidity, use the column H. If the lines in the graph are still too far apart, play with the "fudge" numbers in T1, and V1. For a finishing touch, narrow the generated columns D and H and make them black on black, so that you don't accidentally punch readings into them. You COULD drag them way over to the right, out of sight, but usuall narrowing them to one character and making them black on black protects them well enough and makes it easier to understand the process a few years later. Once you get the hang of fudging numbers like that, you can call yourself a climate scientist. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The town founder had passed away and the whole town turned out, as did his family who arrived from all over the globe. This threw the mortuary into an uproar. They had some employees doing two or three jobs and others switching jobs to get everything done. After the chapel services, all the members of the funeral party piled into the different cars for the drive to the cemetery. The procession was very long, and one group of family members, not knowing their way, wondered how much further it would be and if it was worth lighting up a smoke. The patriarch tapped the driver on the shoulder, and asked "Pardon me....." The driver let out a scream and turned with a grimace of horror to see who had tapped him. In doing so, he drove the car into the ditch and through a small greenhouse, almost overturning it. After calming everyone down, the driver somberly explained, "I'm so sorry for what happened, but you see, I usually drive the hearse."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Lettuce Fresh I buy romaine lettuce when it is on sale, and have found a way to keep it fresh and crisp for up to 4 weeks. Wash your romaine and core it when you get home from the supermarket. Put it in a colander to drain, then take a large plastic container and line it with enough paper towel to keep the lettuce dry. Layer lettuce and paper towel, and put a sheet of paper towel on top. Close the lid tight and this will keep like new for 4 weeks. Open and close as often as you wish. As long as you put the top on tight, you will always have fresh romaine! I discovered this by accident while doing an ahead of time family meal. When my family found out how long it lasted they were very eager to use the tip as well. This works equally as well for any type of grapes. Much less waste and more savings to be had! Source: My own discovery. By Deborah from East Margaree http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Don't get too carried away with the drying! With lettuce, chard, kale, cabbage, even celery, it is the moisture, that keeps them firm and tasty. I do NOT like limp celery or salad, so I sprinkle some water onto the paper towel, toss the wet greens onto it, fold the damp paper towel ove it, stuff it into a zip-lock bag, and zip it after squishing most of the air out. I don't know if it keeps significantly longer than with dry paper towel, but I DO know it stays firm and tasty longer. Have FUN! DearWebby If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A second grader came home from school and said to her mother, "Mom, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The mother, more that a little surprised, asked fearfully, "That's interesting. How do you make babies?" "It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on." Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

» Mt. Baker-Snoqualmie





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Pictures need to be turned on 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Monday, October 18, 2010
We had thick hoar frost yesterday morning, and if it had been 
sunny, I would have run around as fast as the local politicians
on their last day of campaigning, to snap pictures. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Men are less sentimental than women. No man has ever seen the movie "The Way We Were" twice... voluntarily. --- Rita Rudner Any activity becomes creative when the doer cares about doing it right, or doing it better. --- John Updike
The happy couple were being interviewed on their Golden Wedding Anniversary. The society reporter asked, "In all that time, did you ever consider a divorce?" "Oh, no, not divorce, we're too old fashioned for that," the husband replied. "Murder sometimes," the wife offered, "but never divorce."
Have you heard about the new alcoholic beverage that's on the market now? It's called Bourbon Renewal. After a few drinks your old neighborhood starts to look a lot better.
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Burglars in Chippewa Falls, Wisconsin Wis. woman finds stolen dress, solves burglariest CHIPPEWA FALLS, Wis. (AP) - Wisconsin police say a 25-year-old woman's search for her stolen wedding dress helped solve several other burglaries as well. After a storage unit owner called Alena Gadke of Chippewa Falls on Oct. 8 to tell her of some break-ins, Gadke went there and noticed her wedding dress was gone. Police assured her they would find the thieves, but Gadke was impatient. That night she went to Craigslist and found her dress. She says she traded 40 texts and voice messages with the seller, who kept changing the time and location to meet. Gadke alerted police and the next day she met the seller in a Chippewa Falls parking lot, where police arrested the 16-year-old girl. That led police to a 17-year-old boy and a 23-year-old man, who confessed to multiple thefts.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Shirley Re: Pictures need individual clicks Dear Webby, Thank you so much for all your expert advice on the computer and also the beautiful pictures and lets not forget the jokes. An over all great letter Now for my question , is there any way to bring the pictures in when I open your newsletter without having to go up to the bar and click on view then click on blocked imagines? You are very knowledged in the computer area. Shirley Dear Shirley That sounds like you are using an email program, that has the default set to hide pictures. You might be able to find that setting in that email program's preferences, if not, ask Uniontel support about how to show the pictures by default. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Preacher went to his church office on Monday morning and discovered a dead donkey in the church yard. He called the police. Since there did not appear to be any foul play, the police referred the Preacher to the health department. They said since there was no health threat that he should call the sanitation department. The manager said he could not pick up the mule without authorization from the mayor. Now the Preacher knew the mayor and was not to eager to call him. The mayor had a bad temper and was generally hard to deal with, but the Preacher called him anyway. The mayor did not disappoint. He immediately began to rant & rave at the pastor and finally said, "Why did you call me any way? Isn't it your job to bury the dead?" The preacher paused for a brief prayer and asked the Lord to direct his response. He was led to say, "Yes, Mayor, it is my job to bury the dead, but I always notify the next of kin first, since they get to decide what kind of burial they will pay for!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Children From Arguing I have a tip for children bickering. I have passed this tip along and had reports back at how amazing the results. I used this until my children were grown and now my grandkids get a dose. Have the 2 kids that are bickering, either sit on the couch facing each other or stand facing each other with the tip of their noses touching for a set amount of time (not as long as time out). Who gets the front seat? No problem but they have to sit with their noses touching. My daughter and son both agree that they would refrain from arguing because they did not want to have to stand or sit that way. Most of the time giggling would happen before the time was up and they were friends again. By Notwrong from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A husband, proving to his wife that women talk more than men, showed her a study which indicated that men use on the average only 15,000 words a day, where as women use 30,000 words a day. She thought about this for awhile and then told her husband that women use twice as many words as men because they have to repeat everything they say. He replied, "What?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Matt's dad picked him up from school to take him to a dental appointment. Knowing the parts for the school play were supposed to be posted today, he asked his son if he got a part. Matt enthusiastically announced that he'd gotten a part. "I play a man who's been married for twenty years." "That's great, son. Keep up the good work and before you know it they'll be giving you a speaking part."

» Hoar Frost





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Site change warning 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 17, 2010
Most of the snow has melted, but it is definitely time to winterize
everything. I even lit the pilot light on the natural gas furnace
today. By the way, did you know that the best lighter for hard 
to reach places is a strand of spaghetti or spaghettini?
Works every time on the first try.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


A pint of sweat, saves a gallon of blood. --- General George S. Patton
A man and wife were both in an Internet Business, but it was the husband who truly lived, ate and breathed computers. His wife finally realized how bad it gotten when one day she was scratching his back, and hesaid "No, not there. Scroll down a little."
A drill sergeant escorted new recruits to the mess hall. After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them, "There are three rules in this mess hall: Shut up! Eat up! Get up!" Checking to see that he had everyone's attention, he asked, "What is the first rule?" Much to the amusement of the other instructors, 60 privates yelled in unison, "Shut up, Sir!"
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Click through the picture to the large version. Sunset from my office window.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jimmy Honeycutt, 26 and Stephanie McDole, 27 in Pawtucket, RI Robber had checklist of targets in pocket PAWTUCKET, R.I. (AP) - Police in Rhode Island trying to stop a string of robberies got a big break when they found a key piece of evidence - an alleged robber's checklist of targets. Jimmy Honeycutt and his girlfriend Stephanie McDole were arrested Wednesday after Pawtucket police found torn pages from a phone book in Honeycutt's pocket. Asterisks were marked next to some of the businesses that were robbed this month. Detectives pulled over the pair because their car matched the description of a vehicle wanted in connection with a robbery at an Attleboro Getty gas station. Twenty-six-year-old Honeycutt is charged with five counts of first-degree robbery. Twenty-seven-year-old McDole is charged with two counts of first-degree robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Site change warning Dear Webby, I don't have a big problem, just an irritating one. I keep getting pop ups that say, Security Warning. The current web page is trying to open a site............ Can you, please help me get rid of them. I have McAfee-Spybot, and am on a sat. dish. Thanks Bev Dear Bev There is a good reason for that warning. Well, sometimes. If you are on a legitimate site, like at a bank or PayPal or store, or even on my site, then the warning is just showing you that the browser is paying attention and looking out for you. At other times, though, that warning can stop you just in time before getting trapped on a malicious site. I agree, that alert can be a nuisance, but nowadays browsing is not safe enough without it. Just like child seats in cars or hardhats on a construction site are a nuisance most of the time, but every now and then, they save somebody. There ARE ways to disable that warning, but I don't recommend that. Nowadays it is better to just get used to the nuisance, and be safe. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Several months after a young man is hired, he is called into the personnel director's office. "What is the meaning of this?" the director asks. "When you applied for this job, you told us you had five years of experience. Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held." "Well," the young man replies, "in your advertisement you said you wanted somebody with imagination, and since it was your accounting department who found out, and not my supervisor, I would say that was good enough."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Stop Children From Arguing I have a tip for children bickering. I have passed this tip along and had reports back at how amazing the results. I used this until my children were grown and now my grandkids get a dose. Have the 2 kids that are bickering, either sit on the couch facing each other or stand facing each other with the tip of their noses touching for a set amount of time (not as long as time out). Who gets the front seat? No problem but they have to sit with their noses touching. My daughter and son both agree that they would refrain from arguing because they did not want to have to stand or sit that way. Most of the time giggling would happen before the time was up and they were friends again. By Notwrong from FL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The proud father brought home a backyard swing set for his children and immediately started to assemble it with all the neighborhood children anxiously waiting to play on it. After several hours of reading the directions, attempting to fit bolt A into slot B, etc., he finally gave up and called upon an old handyman working in a neighboring yard. The old-timer came over, threw the directions away, and in a short while had the set completely assembled. It's beyond me," said the father, "how you got it together without even reading instructions." "To tell the truth," replied the old-timer, "I can't read, and when you can't read, you've got to think."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bob for this story: A client brought a litter of golden-retriever puppies to a veterinary clinic for inoculations. As the look-alike pups squirmed over and under one another in their box, I realized it would be difficult to tell the treated ones from the rest. I turned on the water faucet, wet my fingers, and moistened each dog's head when I had finished. After the fourth puppy, I noticed my hitherto talkative client had grown silent. As I sprinkled the last pup's head, the woman leaned forward and whispered, "I didn't know they had to be baptized."

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FaceBook friend request problems 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, October 16, 2010

We had a snow storm early in the afternoon and got three inches
of snow. It cleared up later and some of it melted. We are definitely 
back to 70's style climate.

Now that the Gullible Warming hoax is going out of fashion, 
Stiglitz, Oxfam and their ilk want to con everybody into agreeing
to a financial transaction tax to take money from organised 
countries and donate it to underdeveloped countries.

They tried that at the Group Of 20 sumit in Toronto, that time
still using man made CO2 as an excuse for a financial 
transaction tax, but Flaherty, our finance minister, told them
in no uncertain terms where to stuff that.

Looks like he will have to re-use that speech at the Seoul
summit next month, and memorize it, because after that France,
a supporter of a transaction tax, takes over the presidency
of the G20. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"No problem can withstand the assault of sustained thinking." --- Voltaire "Too often we... enjoy the comfort of opinion without the discomfort of thought." --- John F. Kennedy
A little boy returning home from his first day at school said to his mother, "Mom, what's sex?" His mother, who believed in all the most modern educational theories, gave him a detailed explanation, covering all aspects of the tricky subject. When she had finished, the little lad produced a soccer enrollment form which he had brought home from school and said, "Yes, but how am I going to get all that into this one little square that has only room for one letter ?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roshanda Stewart, Pepper M. Arnold, and JoAnna Rivers Everybody gets locked up WASHINGTON PARK -- There was plenty of drama surrounding a 9-month-old baby girl who was dropped off Wednesday night at the Washington Park Police Department. To begin with, the child was dropped off by a woman who was wanted by police. The woman was identified as Pepper M. Arnold, of East St. Louis. "She turned the child over to the police, telling us that the mother refused to come and get her child," said Washington Park Police Chief Dave Clark. "She said she was leaving the baby with us." Clark said Arnold told police she had the child for a couple of weeks. When Arnold gave police her identity, they determined she had a federal warrant out for her arrest for fraud charges. She was arrested, and federal agents picked her up Thursday. The child's mother was determined to be Roshanda Stewart, of the 4700 block of North Park Drive. Police located her Wednesday night and were able to convince her to pick up the child. When she finally arrived, social workers from the state Department of Children and Family Services were also at the station, Clark said. Call logs made by police officials show a call was placed to DCFS at 7:30 p.m., and no one from the agency showed up until 1:30 a.m., Clark confirmed. At one point, the child's grandmother, JoAnna Rivers, who lives in St. Louis, came to the police station after she was told the baby couldn't be brought to Missouri. Once there, police ran a computer check to make sure the child was not being released to a sex offender. "We found she had two warrants out for her arrest,"Clark said. The warrants were from St.Clair County for failure to appear in court. Rivers was arrested. When DCFS workers came and talked to the mother and grandmother, it was determined that the child should be taken from the family and placed into protective custody, Clark said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Michelle Re: Facebook friend requests Dear Webby, Why does FaceBook show faces at the right top and suggest adding them as a friend, and while most accept an offer of friendship, every now and then I get slapped with a suspension? There doesn't seem to be any logic or reason. What's going on? Michelle Dear Michelle Don't expect logic or reason at FaceBook, especially not from strangers. For example, if you offer your friendship to somebody, who is frantically trying to have more "friends" than you got, because nobody likes her, then she has the option to not just politely decline your offer, but also to exercise her perma-PMS and mark your offer as spam. That gets you suspended for two days, and she can add to the number of "friends", while you can't. Yes, it's childish, and just a wee widdle goilies pithing contest, much like office politcs. Just keep track of whom you have offered friendship, and you will know soon, who the hostile bimbo is. Men don't do that. They will cheerfully accept any offer of friendship from any female, except maybe their ex. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two young men are speculating on how long they might live, and one says he thinks he has a long life ahead of him. "After all," he says, "my grandfather lived to be 96." "Ninety-six? What finally got him?" the other man asks. "Liquor and women." "Well, that just goes to show you," snickers the friend, "both will get you in the end." "Well actually, no, it's not what you think," says the first man. "Toward the end, Grandpa couldn't get either one, so he just laid down and died."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get To Know Your Neighbors For so much of my life I didn't bother pursuing friendships with neighbors because I thought I probably would have nothing in common with them. Well, maybe I just got lucky this time and over the past two years I've become good buddy's with a few of the neighbors in our apartment complex and wow what a Blessing for all of us! We keep an eye on one another and if anyone is going out of town or has an emergency there is always someone available basically right next door to help with whatever might need to be done! We borrow items from each other like tools, DVDs, cooking utensils, etc.. We also do a food exchange and all of these things saves us all bunches of money! By Deeli from Richland, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two highway patrolmen stop a driver for speeding on the state highway in Waxahachie, Texas. As they are writing up the ticket, one trooper turns to the other and asks, "How do you spell Waxahachie?" The other one replies, "I don't know." "What are we going to do?" the first one asks. "If we spell it wrong, the judge will dismiss the charge." "Well," says his partner, "why don't we just let him go and stop him again when he gets to Waco?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man with a heart condition inherits a million dollars. His family, concerned that the shock might trigger a heart attack, asks his minister to tell him about the windfall. The minister goes to the man's house and, after pleasantries, asks him, "What would you do if you inherited a million dollars?" "Well, pastor," the man says, "I think I would give half of it to your church." At that, the pastor keels over dead.

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IF and AND in the same Excel formula 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 15, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Sometimes lately I feel like a salesman for Skype. Even at the 
grocery store today. While waiting in line this lady I knew, 
complained to another one, that she will have to cut down 
calling her mother and use just email, because the phone 
bill was $400. I couldn't help but barge into the conversation
and suggest that she use Skype, and talk all she wants for 
free, and even video chat for free.

She thought the camera and stuff was too expensive, and the
set-up too complicated for her mother.

So I suggested that she get her mother a Skype Buddy-Pack,
which is a camera and a head set, total $40, with free shipping.
You plug it in and start yacking.

The camera even comes built into a little puppet, that you stand
on top of your monitor, or between the keyboard and the monitor,
so that you won't have the camera upside down. The most 
technical part is opening the shipping box.

"Hmmm, $40, video chat, and no more phone phone bills...."
She wandered off with a big smile, but I don't think she was 
contemplating video chats to her mother at that moment.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. --- Allan Goldfein It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Socratex If everything seems to be under control, you are not going fast enough. --- Mario Andretti
A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer. "That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?" Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the freezer, paused a moment, then took the same one out again. "This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65." The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eljuan Heath, Tulsa, Oklahoma Drug Suspect Ate Crack Pipe In an apparent bid to destroy evidence, the Oklahoma man allegedly ate a glass crack pipe after cops Sunday responded to a report that the suspect was selling marijuana outside a convenience store. Heath, pictured in the mug shot, was busted by Tulsa police inside a QuikTrip mart. Police sought to arrest Heath, 41, after he was spotted putting a beer in his pocket without paying for it, according to a Tulsa Police Department report. But as the suspect struggled with officers, a cop reported spotting the suspect removing a crack pipe from his pocket and, “putting the crack pipe in his mouth and chewing it up in an attempt to destroy the evidence (crack pipe).” The police report does not detail the size of the pipe or how much of the item Heath actually ingested. Heath, whose lenghty rap sheet includes multiple narcotics arrests, was collared for larceny, destroying evidence, and resisting arrest. He is being held without bond and is scheduled for an October 18 court hearing. Oklahoma Department of Corrections records show that Heath was freed from prison in March after serving nearly two years in custody for a cocaine distribution conviction. As part of his release, Heath was ordered to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet. The GPS-equipped device, which was due to be removed later this month, was in place when he was busted Sunday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tiffany Re: IF and AND in the same Excel formula Dear Webby, Can you use an IF and AND in the same Excel formula? I simply can't get that to work. Mom said it CAN be done, and that you once showed her how to do it, but she forgot. What I need is a formula that checks if an invoice is NOT marked paid with a "p" in column A, AND the invoice date in colum O is older than today, then, and only if BOTH those conditions apply, then figure out the number of days since the invoice date and put that into column B, but if none or only one of those conditions apply, then put nothing into column B. Sounds complicated, but is actually straight forward, I'm just not good at explaining it, but mom said you can speak or at least understand Blonde, and that you will figure it out. Tiffany Dear Tifany Your description is clear enough, and something used quite often in spreadsheets. What makes it tricky is the way Excel handles "AND" in an odd way, you don't put it between the criteria, but in front of them. AND(condition1, condition2) will result in a TRUE or FALSE, that you can use in a formula, for example if something is true, then the result will be 5, if not, then 10 =IF(TRUE, 5, 10) To get the TRUE or FALSE in your case, we would use: =AND(TODAY()>O3, A3<>"p") So we package that into an IF: if BOTH conditions are true, then show the number of days between the invoice date and today, otherwise show nothing: Paste into column B the next line: =IF(AND(TODAY()>O3, A3<>"p"), TODAY()-O3, "") You might want to save that formula in your cheat-sheet. You will need it again and again, and it is easier to edit and adapt, than to figure it out all over again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk. Remembering a bottle of brandy received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!" She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face, and pointing out the window she said, "Don't EVER sell that cow!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get To Know Your Neighbors For so much of my life I didn't bother pursuing friendships with neighbors because I thought I probably would have nothing in common with them. Well, maybe I just got lucky this time and over the past two years I've become good buddy's with a few of the neighbors in our apartment complex and wow what a Blessing for all of us! We keep an eye on one another and if anyone is going out of town or has an emergency there is always someone available basically right next door to help with whatever might need to be done! We borrow items from each other like tools, DVDs, cooking utensils, etc.. We also do a food exchange and all of these things saves us all bunches of money! By Deeli from Richland, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by a very old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl. "All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off." "No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here." "Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," was the reply. "But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?" "Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

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How frequently should you run Registry Booster? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 14, 2010

Getting colder here, and time to drain and put away the 
garden hoses and winterize the outside water faucet.
Also time to switch the fridge from heating the outdoors
to heating the kitchen instead.

During the warm seasons I cool the hot condenser grid
under the fridge with ouside air, that then goes back outside 
and up a stove pipe for good draft. It seems rather silly
to me to pay for electricity to pump calories out of the fridge
and freezer, and into an already warm summer kitchen,
and the pay for AC to pump that unwanted extra heat outside.

In winter, though, that extra heat saves on heating, so I
block both the outside intake and exhaust, and instead open
the skirt at the bottom of the fridge. It probably saves me
about $100 a year, and I would feel silly if I had to waste
that money just to save me 5 minutes of work every spring 
and fall.

I got the idea for that in the house I built in the Yukon in
the 70's. I insulated it with the same brown spray-on
foam, that you see on the space shuttle external tank.
Even though the pantry was in the North-West corner,
due to the excellent insulation, the fridge heated it up
like a sauna. That made it quite obvious. Didn't take me
long to duct outside air in and out, and I have used
that method ever since.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor
Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it had been many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding. Everything looked fine, until they read the last line on the invitation. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this 'RSVP' mean?" Selma was at a loss and simply could not remember. Finally, she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
David told me he overheard a couple of guys talking about scary things. Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0 CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic messages!" Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs AOL !"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derek Brown, 45, in London, England Big power rip-off A former electrical engineer for utility EDF has been prosecuted for illegally supplying power to some 1,500 homes in north London. Derek Brown, 45, was arrested in 2008 after being seen tampering with the electric grid in a manhole. He specialized in connecting separate supplies to houses that were split into apartments. One landlord involved, Haresh Parmar, was jailed for 9 months for stealing £30,000 worth of electricity for 22 of his apartments. Brown's assets will be seized and he has been sentenced to 8 months suspended, and 150 hours community service.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steven Re: How frequently should you run Rgistry Booster Dear Webby, At your recommendatioin, I purchased the full Regestry Booster package (the speed tweakere and Driver Updater) several years ago to add to Diskeeper which I have had forever. This brings up two questions, How often should the Registry Booster package be run and in what order? Also, how necessary is it to keep updating Diskkeeper? It seems that htey are advtising an upgrade every month or so. Thank You, Steven Dear Steven I run Registry Booster when I do the weekly reboot. With DisKeeper, I update when I get a new computer, and ignore their ads in the meantime. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and explained that it contained two bullets an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II. "We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the bullets in the locked drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children." The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the bullets safely. But when he took one out of the box, the top of the bullet popped off, revealing a strange blackish substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other bullet and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt about it. The bullets were souvenir salt-and-pepper shakers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that, put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods. I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Say, Ralph, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" "Sorry, I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor told me I can't play." "Oh, he's seen your game?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

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Are exe files safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Got an email today from John B, who claimed that the story 
about health care exemptions was trash circulated by Obama haters.

Yes, it sure is naughty of them to point to 
HR3962 page 300 Affordable Health Care Act and page 107
That is supposed to be secret, and even Senators don't snoop
in there!

He also mentioned, that he had tried last week to send a donation,
but that PayPal refused.
So I quickly tried myself, hit the DONATE button near the bottom 
of the Humor Letter, and sent the minimum amount that PayPal
allows, $1 from my right pocket to my left one. 
It worked just fine, as long as one stays above one dollar.

However, I noticed a rather scary sight there:
The exchange rate for this purchase is 1 USD = 0.980392CAD

The US $ had fallen below the Canadian $
At the begin of the heating season, that is not good at all!

In case that turns into a trend, you might want to top off your 
heating fuel before the price goes up!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert Heinlein
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"
Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Getchell, 24, in Sabbatus, Maine drug charges start with seat-belt infraction SABATTUS — What started as a possible seat-belt violation turned into a chase and ended with drug charges Monday for a local man. Joshua Getchell, 24, of 143 Dube Drive was traveling on Crowley Road near Settlement restaurant at roughly 1:30 a.m. when Sabattus patrol officer Andrew Levesque noticed Getchell wasn't strapped in and pulled over his vehicle, police said. After checking Getchell's driver's license, Levesque learned it had been suspended. Levesque cited Getchell for the two violations, then started to take an inventory of Getchell's vehicle because it had to be towed and impounded. That's when Getchell grabbed the handle of a 5-gallon bucket sitting in the passenger area and fled the scene, police said. Getchell was running for the woods and had gotten about 50 yards from his vehicle when Levesque caught up with him at the edge of the woods. When Getchell was nabbed, he resisted arrest, said patrol officer Gary Baillargeon, who took custody of the crime scene evidence later Monday. Police confiscated about 3.6 pounds of marijuana stashed in the gray bucket and in a brown paper bag found in a burlap sack in the passenger area of Getchell's vehicle. Police also found five Suboxone pills, a prescription narcotic medication for treatment of opioid dependence, according to the company's website. Baillargeon said Getchell was charged with: * Unlawful trafficking of schedule Z drug. * Possession of schedule W drug. * Operating after suspension. * Refusing to submit to arrest or detention. He also was cited for a seat-belt violation. He was released Monday on $1,000 cash bail from Androscoggin County Jail, a jail worker said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Are exe files safe? Hi Webby, I was going to download registry booster as you approved it, but it comes up on my computer as "Can potionally harm computer". Is it really safe to download it? I have a HP, windows XP. If you say it's OK to download it on my computer, I will do it. Many Thanks, Eileen Dear Eileen Yes, Registry Booster is perfectly safe. Before downloading, your computer just sees the .exe file extension. From an unidentified or unrecognized source, an exe type file CAN indeed be dangerous. However, from a well known and reputable source, it is perfectly OK. Even setup.exe, that installs Windows, is an exe type file. You just have to make sure the source, where the file comes from, is legit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
During a readiness exercise, Bob and Jim were guarding the entrance to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept. When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it. "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane." "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage, and if you don't change your attitude right now, you will never see it again!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that, put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods. I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A hunter in Africa ran across a pigmy standing next to a huge dead elephant. The hunter then asked, "How does a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" Said the pigmy, "My club did it." The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There are about 60 of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner!

» Touch of Classic





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Happy Fall 


You've Been Mooned!



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Twitter 


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Pinhead Of The Day 

Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica Ga. is our pinhead of the day. He held his mother hostage for six hours when she refused to iron his clothes in June.

He wanted her to do some ironing, and she said no. They got into an argument when he told her "ironing is woman's work." That's when he got his rifle out and held her at gunpoint.

Tyrrell has been indicted on charges of aggravated assault and false imprisonment.

I wonder if mom will post his bail?


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How frequently should I reboot? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Read something interesting today about Obamacare. It will be
mandatory to pay for it, except for his Muslim friends, Senators 
and Congress members. And illegal immigrants get lumped in 
somewhere between Muslims and Senators.
The infidels will be forced to pay for the medical expenses of
the privileged class.

Once that law is in place, Muslims won't need vehicle insurance
any more either, unless they want to drive into Canada or Mexico.

I wonder if it would affect the November election, if these facts
were leaked to the unprivileged infidels. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." --- Winston Churchill
Andy Rooney On Cripes: "My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?"
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong, would go outside and take a walk. By the time Jenny died thirtyfive years ago, my walks had become a habit and it was no big deal to keep them up."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Robert for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Kaczor, 40, Wausau, Wisconsin Man arrested after jumping into river chasing one-legged goose A Wausau man was rescued from the Wisconsin River on Thursday after he plunged into its frigid water while drunk and chasing a hobbled goose, police said. Troy Kaczor, 40, told police he shed his shirt and shoes at Big Bull Falls Park in downtown Wausau before he dived into the river, intending to catch the one-legged bird and then roast it, Wausau Police Lt. Bill Kolb said. Kaczor was too drunk to catch the goose and too drunk to get out of the river on his own, and had to be rescued. Kaczor was unable to secure his goose dinner, but he did get a meal out of the mishap. Police arrested Kaczor, 529 McClellan St., on a warrant for bail jumping and took him to the Marathon County Jail, Kolb said. As far as the police know, the goose still is on the loose.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mandy Re: How frequently should I reboot? Dear Webby, like you, I use my computer also as a fax machine, so it has to be on pretty well all the time. However, it gets awfully slow. After rebooting, it is a bit better, but it seems every month it's a bit slower. How often should I reboot, or what should I do to get reasonable speed? Mandy Dear Mandy I reboot once a week, unless a Windows update requires it in between. A reboot doesn't really do much more speeding up than you can accomplish by running Crap Cleaner. For speed I use Registry Booster to clean and optimize the registry, and Diskeeper to continuously defrag the hard drive. Yes, I know, there are hundreds of free programs that PROMISE to do the same. You probably even have a bunch of them installed. With those, the speed of your computer tells you that you get exactly what you pay for. I bought DisKeeper about ten years ago, after I lost one hard drive too many. Have not crashed one since, and the improvement in speed compared to free defragmenters is quite noticeable. The same goes for Registry Booster. I have tried lots of free registry cleaners, and found they made no noticeable difference. It costs under $30, and they throw in SystemTweaker 2010 as a bonus. I like it, and highly recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Anni's car was unreliable and she called Sam for a ride every time it broke down. One day Sam got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" he asked. "My brakes went out," Anni said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" Sam asked. "I'm in the drugstore," Anni responded. "And where's the car?" Sam asked. Anni replied, "It's in here with me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Dry Goods in Refrigerator or Freezer Store your legumes, flour, oatmeal and nuts in the fridge or freezer. They won't get weevils or insects, and will last longer. By Dorty from SA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard to come by at the state highway. I congratulated one woman on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me how she pulled it off. She smiled and said, "Well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll do you any good."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

» Hasenpfeffer





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PPS music and picture extractor 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Moday, October 11, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving Day to Canadians!
Happy Columbus Day to Americans,
where today all the Natives celebrate, 
that Columbus did not
get lost on the way to Turkey.


My friend Warner Carter, the author 
of the famous Guest Blogging for Profit 
book, gave me a very valuable warnng
today. FaceBook reveals your phone 
numbers!

I went and checked, and sure enough, it DOES show your phone
numbers, if one looks in the right place! A real tele-marketer's 
dream harvest!

30 seconds later I had changed my number to show my fax number.
WinFax is quite efficient in dealing with tele-marketers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." --- Albert Einstein "Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance." --- Oscar Wilde
A businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The medical man examined him and backed away, saying: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal." "Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman. "Do you want to write your will?" "No, I want to make a list of all the people with overdue invoices, and then I am going out for a few bites."
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found by an honest little kid and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Early Christmas Cactus
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica, GA Man bites police dog VILLA RICA, Ga. (UPI) -- A Georgia man who allegedly held his mom hostage for refusing to iron his clothes has been indicted on aggravated assault and false imprisonment charges. Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica was indicted by a Carroll County grand jury for allegedly using a rifle to hold his mother hostage for 6 hours when she refused to iron his clothes in June, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. "He wanted her to do some ironing, and when she said 'no,' they got into an argument," Sgt. Marc Griffith with the Carroll County Sheriff's Office said of the start of the incident. "He told her 'ironing is woman's work.'" Seems ironic, if you can excuse the pun, but that is how she raised him. Though at age 29, even a Mama's boy should know better.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: PPS music and picture extractor Dear Webby, That link that you once had for extracting music and pictures from PPS files doesn't work any more. What's going on? Thanks, Dianne Dear Dianne It appears that download demands for PowerPointImageExtractor got too much for the private site, that hosted it as a favor. So the download file got moved to big mirror servers and is availabe there now. One is Software.informer.com, and the link is http://powerpointimageextractor.software.informer.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. 'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really weird people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.' 'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.' 'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing me bagpipes.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Kids For Multi Day Trips When my son (early teens) went away on a church mission trip, I was worried that he would wear mismatched clothes or wear the same pair of socks for several days. You know how young boys are. I purchased gallon sized plastic zipper bags (the kind you use for food storage) and used them to pack his clothing. Each bag was labeled with a day of the week. Each bag contained a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, a pair of socks, and a pair of underwear. I placed a few dollars in the pocket of each pair of shorts so that he would have some cash for a snack/soda each day. By readingiggits from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Imelda reported for her University PHD final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I". Little Johnny: I is... Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am." Little Johnny: All right, have it your way. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

» Apples





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Grow Your Own Food Easily 

The Problem with Traditional Vegetable Gardening?

By Jonathan White, environmental scientist.

Traditional vegetable gardens require an enormous amount of hard work and attention - weeding, feeding and strict planting schedules. There is also the problem of seasonality, allowing beds to rest during the cooler months producing nothing at all. Then we are told to plant green manure crops, add inorganic fertilizers and chemicals to adjust imbalanced soils. It takes a lot of time, dedication and a year-round commitment to grow your own food the traditional way. But does it really need to be that difficult? Let me ask you this question. Does a forest need to think how to grow? Does its soil need to be turned every season? Does someone come along every so often and plant seeds or take pH tests? Does it get weeded or sprayed with toxic chemicals? Of course not!

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Traditional vegetable gardening techniques are focused on problems. Have you noticed that gardening books are full of ways to fix problems? I was a traditional gardener for many years and I found that the solution to most problems simply caused a new set of problems. In other words, the problem with problems is that problems create more problems.

Let’s take a look at a common traditional gardening practice and I will show you how a single problem can escalate into a whole host of problems.

Imagine a traditional vegetable garden, planted with rows of various vegetables. There are fairly large bare patches between the vegetables. To a traditional gardener, a bare patch is just a bare patch. But to an ecologist, a bare patch is an empty niche space. An empty niche space is simply an invitation for new life forms to take up residency. Nature does not tolerate empty niche spaces and the most successful niche space fillers are weeds. That’s what a weed is in ecological terms - a niche space filler. Weeds are very good colonizing plants. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be called weeds.

Now back to our story. Weeds will grow in the empty niche spaces. Quite often there are too many weeds to pick out individually, so the traditional gardener uses a hoe to turn them into the soil. I have read in many gardening books, even organic gardening books, that your hoe is your best friend. So the message we are getting is that using a hoe is the solution to a problem.

However, I would like to show you how using a hoe actually creates a new set of problems. Firstly, turning soil excites weed seeds, creating a new explosion of weeds. And secondly, turning soil upsets the soil ecology. The top layer of soil is generally dry and structureless. By turning it, you are placing deeper structured soil on the surface and putting the structureless soil underneath. Over time, the band of structureless soil widens. Structureless soil has far less moisture holding capacity, so the garden now needs more water to keep the plants alive.

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In addition to this problem, structureless soil cannot pass its nutrients onto the plants as effectively. The garden now also needs the addition of fertilisers. Many fertilisers kill the soil biology which is very important in building soil structure and plant nutrient availability. The soil will eventually turn into a dead substance that doesn’t have the correct balance of nutrients to grow fully developed foods. The foods will actually lack vitamins and minerals. This problem has already occurred in modern-day agriculture. Dr Tim Lobstein, Director of the Food Commission said. "… today's agriculture does not allow the soil to enrich itself, but depends on chemical fertilisers that don't replace the wide variety of nutrients plants and humans need." Over the past 60 years commercially grown foods have experienced a significant reduction in nutrient and mineral content.

Can you see how we started with the problem of weeds, but ended up with the new problems of lower water-holding capacity and infertile soils. And eventually, we have the potentially serious problem of growing food with low nutrient content. Traditional gardening techniques only ever strive to fix the symptom and not the cause.

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However, there is a solution! We must use a technique that combines pest ecology, plant ecology, soil ecology and crop management into a method that addresses the causes of these problems. This technique must be efficient enough to be economically viable. It also needs to be able to produce enough food, per given area, to compete against traditional techniques.

I have been testing an ecologically-based method of growing food for several years. This method uses zero tillage, zero chemicals, has minimal weeds and requires a fraction of the physical attention (when compared to traditional vegetable gardening). It also produces several times more, per given area, and provides food every single day of the year.

My ecologically-based garden mimics nature in such a way that the garden looks and acts like a natural ecosystem. Succession layering of plants (just as we see in natural ecosystems) offers natural pest management. It also naturally eliminates the need for crop rotation, resting beds or green manure crops. Soil management is addressed in a natural way, and the result is that the soil’s structure and fertility get richer and richer, year after year. Another benefit of this method is automatic regeneration through self-seeding. This occurs naturally as dormant seeds germinate; filling empty niche spaces with desirable plants, and not weeds.

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Unfortunately, the biggest challenge this method faces is convincing traditional gardeners of its benefits. Like many industries, the gardening industry gets stuck in doing things a certain way. The ecologically-based method requires such little human intervention that, in my opinion, many people will get frustrated with the lack of needing to control what’s happening. Naturally people love to take control of their lives, but with this method you are allowing nature to take the reins. It’s a test of faith in very simple natural laws. However, in my experience these natural laws are 100% reliable.

Another reason that traditional gardeners may not like this method is that it takes away all the mysticism of being an expert. You see, this method is so simple that any person, anywhere in the world, under any conditions, can do it. And for a veteran gardener it can actually be quite threatening when an embarrassingly simple solution comes along.

I have no doubt that this is the way we will be growing food in the future. It’s just commonsense. Why wouldn’t we use a method that produces many times more food with a fraction of the effort? I know it will take a little while to convince people that growing food is actually very instinctual and straightforward, but with persistence and proper explanation, people will embrace this method.

Why? Because sanity always prevails…

…eventually!

Jonathan White is an Environmental Scientist and the founder of the Food4Wealth Method.

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