IF and AND in the same Excel formula 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 15, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Sometimes lately I feel like a salesman for Skype. Even at the 
grocery store today. While waiting in line this lady I knew, 
complained to another one, that she will have to cut down 
calling her mother and use just email, because the phone 
bill was $400. I couldn't help but barge into the conversation
and suggest that she use Skype, and talk all she wants for 
free, and even video chat for free.

She thought the camera and stuff was too expensive, and the
set-up too complicated for her mother.

So I suggested that she get her mother a Skype Buddy-Pack,
which is a camera and a head set, total $40, with free shipping.
You plug it in and start yacking.

The camera even comes built into a little puppet, that you stand
on top of your monitor, or between the keyboard and the monitor,
so that you won't have the camera upside down. The most 
technical part is opening the shipping box.

"Hmmm, $40, video chat, and no more phone phone bills...."
She wandered off with a big smile, but I don't think she was 
contemplating video chats to her mother at that moment.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Only exceptionally rational men can afford to be absurd. --- Allan Goldfein It is bad luck to be superstitious. --- Socratex If everything seems to be under control, you are not going fast enough. --- Mario Andretti
A meat counter clerk, who had had a particularly good day, proudly flipped his last chicken on a scale and weighed it. "That will be $6.35," he told the customer. "That really is a little too small," said the woman. "Don't you have anything larger?" Hesitating, but thinking fast, the clerk returned the chicken to the freezer, paused a moment, then took the same one out again. "This one," he said faintly, " will be $6.65." The woman paused for a moment, then made her decision. "I know what," she said, "I'll take both of them!"
The new nun goes to her first confession. She tells the priest that she has a terrible secret. The priest then tells her that her secret is safe in the sanctity of the confessional. She says, "Father, I never wear panties under my habit." The priest chuckles and says, "That's not so serious, Sister Bernadette. Say five Hail Marys, five Our Fathers, and do five cartwheels on your way to the altar."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Eljuan Heath, Tulsa, Oklahoma Drug Suspect Ate Crack Pipe In an apparent bid to destroy evidence, the Oklahoma man allegedly ate a glass crack pipe after cops Sunday responded to a report that the suspect was selling marijuana outside a convenience store. Heath, pictured in the mug shot, was busted by Tulsa police inside a QuikTrip mart. Police sought to arrest Heath, 41, after he was spotted putting a beer in his pocket without paying for it, according to a Tulsa Police Department report. But as the suspect struggled with officers, a cop reported spotting the suspect removing a crack pipe from his pocket and, “putting the crack pipe in his mouth and chewing it up in an attempt to destroy the evidence (crack pipe).” The police report does not detail the size of the pipe or how much of the item Heath actually ingested. Heath, whose lenghty rap sheet includes multiple narcotics arrests, was collared for larceny, destroying evidence, and resisting arrest. He is being held without bond and is scheduled for an October 18 court hearing. Oklahoma Department of Corrections records show that Heath was freed from prison in March after serving nearly two years in custody for a cocaine distribution conviction. As part of his release, Heath was ordered to wear an ankle monitoring bracelet. The GPS-equipped device, which was due to be removed later this month, was in place when he was busted Sunday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tiffany Re: IF and AND in the same Excel formula Dear Webby, Can you use an IF and AND in the same Excel formula? I simply can't get that to work. Mom said it CAN be done, and that you once showed her how to do it, but she forgot. What I need is a formula that checks if an invoice is NOT marked paid with a "p" in column A, AND the invoice date in colum O is older than today, then, and only if BOTH those conditions apply, then figure out the number of days since the invoice date and put that into column B, but if none or only one of those conditions apply, then put nothing into column B. Sounds complicated, but is actually straight forward, I'm just not good at explaining it, but mom said you can speak or at least understand Blonde, and that you will figure it out. Tiffany Dear Tifany Your description is clear enough, and something used quite often in spreadsheets. What makes it tricky is the way Excel handles "AND" in an odd way, you don't put it between the criteria, but in front of them. AND(condition1, condition2) will result in a TRUE or FALSE, that you can use in a formula, for example if something is true, then the result will be 5, if not, then 10 =IF(TRUE, 5, 10) To get the TRUE or FALSE in your case, we would use: =AND(TODAY()>O3, A3<>"p") So we package that into an IF: if BOTH conditions are true, then show the number of days between the invoice date and today, otherwise show nothing: Paste into column B the next line: =IF(AND(TODAY()>O3, A3<>"p"), TODAY()-O3, "") You might want to save that formula in your cheat-sheet. You will need it again and again, and it is easier to edit and adapt, than to figure it out all over again. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The wise old Mother Superior was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed. She asked for a little warm milk to sip so a nun went to the kitchen to warm some milk. Remembering a bottle of brandy received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened it and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Mother Superior drank a little, then a little more, then before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother, Mother" the nuns cried, "Give us some wisdom before you die!" She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face, and pointing out the window she said, "Don't EVER sell that cow!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Get To Know Your Neighbors For so much of my life I didn't bother pursuing friendships with neighbors because I thought I probably would have nothing in common with them. Well, maybe I just got lucky this time and over the past two years I've become good buddy's with a few of the neighbors in our apartment complex and wow what a Blessing for all of us! We keep an eye on one another and if anyone is going out of town or has an emergency there is always someone available basically right next door to help with whatever might need to be done! We borrow items from each other like tools, DVDs, cooking utensils, etc.. We also do a food exchange and all of these things saves us all bunches of money! By Deeli from Richland, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An attractive young girl, chaperoned by a very old lady, entered the doctor's office. "We have come for an examination," said the young girl. "All right," said the doctor. "Go behind that curtain and take your clothes off." "No, not me," said the girl. "it's my old aunt here." "Very well," said the doctor. "Madam, stick out your tongue."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A pastor, known for his lengthy sermons, noticed a man get up and leave during the middle of his message. The man returned just before the conclusion of the service. Afterwards the pastor asked the man where he had gone. "I went to get a haircut," was the reply. "But," said the pastor, "why didn't you do that before the service?" "Because," the gentleman said, "I didn't need one then."

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How frequently should you run Registry Booster? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 14, 2010

Getting colder here, and time to drain and put away the 
garden hoses and winterize the outside water faucet.
Also time to switch the fridge from heating the outdoors
to heating the kitchen instead.

During the warm seasons I cool the hot condenser grid
under the fridge with ouside air, that then goes back outside 
and up a stove pipe for good draft. It seems rather silly
to me to pay for electricity to pump calories out of the fridge
and freezer, and into an already warm summer kitchen,
and the pay for AC to pump that unwanted extra heat outside.

In winter, though, that extra heat saves on heating, so I
block both the outside intake and exhaust, and instead open
the skirt at the bottom of the fridge. It probably saves me
about $100 a year, and I would feel silly if I had to waste
that money just to save me 5 minutes of work every spring 
and fall.

I got the idea for that in the house I built in the Yukon in
the 70's. I insulated it with the same brown spray-on
foam, that you see on the space shuttle external tank.
Even though the pantry was in the North-West corner,
due to the excellent insulation, the fridge heated it up
like a sauna. That made it quite obvious. Didn't take me
long to duct outside air in and out, and I have used
that method ever since.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"It's not so much how busy you are, but why you are busy. The bee is praised. The mosquito is swatted." --- Mary O'Connor
Selma and Irving receive an invitation in the mail. Since it had been many years since they were invited anywhere, they read it with glee, very excited that they were asked to attend a wedding. Everything looked fine, until they read the last line on the invitation. Confused, Irving asks Selma, "Selma, vat does this 'RSVP' mean?" Selma was at a loss and simply could not remember. Finally, she cries out: "Vait! I remember! I remember! RSVP! It means "Remember, Send Vedding Present!"
David told me he overheard a couple of guys talking about scary things. Guy #1: "You'll never believe this. If you play an AOL 7.0 CD *backwards* you can hear all kinds of evil and Satanic messages!" Guy #2: "That's nothing. If you play it forwards, it installs AOL !"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Derek Brown, 45, in London, England Big power rip-off A former electrical engineer for utility EDF has been prosecuted for illegally supplying power to some 1,500 homes in north London. Derek Brown, 45, was arrested in 2008 after being seen tampering with the electric grid in a manhole. He specialized in connecting separate supplies to houses that were split into apartments. One landlord involved, Haresh Parmar, was jailed for 9 months for stealing £30,000 worth of electricity for 22 of his apartments. Brown's assets will be seized and he has been sentenced to 8 months suspended, and 150 hours community service.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Steven Re: How frequently should you run Rgistry Booster Dear Webby, At your recommendatioin, I purchased the full Regestry Booster package (the speed tweakere and Driver Updater) several years ago to add to Diskeeper which I have had forever. This brings up two questions, How often should the Registry Booster package be run and in what order? Also, how necessary is it to keep updating Diskkeeper? It seems that htey are advtising an upgrade every month or so. Thank You, Steven Dear Steven I run Registry Booster when I do the weekly reboot. With DisKeeper, I update when I get a new computer, and ignore their ads in the meantime. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A couple came to the police department, wanting to dispose of some ammunition. They handed the desk officer a wooden box and explained that it contained two bullets an uncle had given them as souvenirs from World War II. "We didn't know what to do with them," the woman explained. "So all these years, we've kept the bullets in the locked drawer of the china cabinet, away from our children." The officer assured the couple he'd dispose of the bullets safely. But when he took one out of the box, the top of the bullet popped off, revealing a strange blackish substance. His suspicions aroused, the officer removed the top of the other bullet and found a hard white substance. There was no doubt about it. The bullets were souvenir salt-and-pepper shakers.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that, put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods. I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
"Say, Ralph, you want to hit the golf course this afternoon?" "Sorry, I can't." "Why not?" "The doctor told me I can't play." "Oh, he's seen your game?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?"

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Are exe files safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Got an email today from John B, who claimed that the story 
about health care exemptions was trash circulated by Obama haters.

Yes, it sure is naughty of them to point to 
HR3962 page 300 Affordable Health Care Act and page 107
That is supposed to be secret, and even Senators don't snoop
in there!

He also mentioned, that he had tried last week to send a donation,
but that PayPal refused.
So I quickly tried myself, hit the DONATE button near the bottom 
of the Humor Letter, and sent the minimum amount that PayPal
allows, $1 from my right pocket to my left one. 
It worked just fine, as long as one stays above one dollar.

However, I noticed a rather scary sight there:
The exchange rate for this purchase is 1 USD = 0.980392CAD

The US $ had fallen below the Canadian $
At the begin of the heating season, that is not good at all!

In case that turns into a trend, you might want to top off your 
heating fuel before the price goes up!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Never confuse movement with action. --- Ernest Hemingway Never attribute to malice what can be adequately explained by stupidity. --- Robert Heinlein
My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were speeding through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when the trooper walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?"
Little Willie asked his mother: "Mamma, don't soldiers ever go to heaven?" "Of course they do!" protested his mother. "What makes you ask?" "There are so many soldiers with beards but I never saw any pictures of angels with beards." "Oh, that's because most men who go to Heaven get there by a close shave."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joshua Getchell, 24, in Sabbatus, Maine drug charges start with seat-belt infraction SABATTUS — What started as a possible seat-belt violation turned into a chase and ended with drug charges Monday for a local man. Joshua Getchell, 24, of 143 Dube Drive was traveling on Crowley Road near Settlement restaurant at roughly 1:30 a.m. when Sabattus patrol officer Andrew Levesque noticed Getchell wasn't strapped in and pulled over his vehicle, police said. After checking Getchell's driver's license, Levesque learned it had been suspended. Levesque cited Getchell for the two violations, then started to take an inventory of Getchell's vehicle because it had to be towed and impounded. That's when Getchell grabbed the handle of a 5-gallon bucket sitting in the passenger area and fled the scene, police said. Getchell was running for the woods and had gotten about 50 yards from his vehicle when Levesque caught up with him at the edge of the woods. When Getchell was nabbed, he resisted arrest, said patrol officer Gary Baillargeon, who took custody of the crime scene evidence later Monday. Police confiscated about 3.6 pounds of marijuana stashed in the gray bucket and in a brown paper bag found in a burlap sack in the passenger area of Getchell's vehicle. Police also found five Suboxone pills, a prescription narcotic medication for treatment of opioid dependence, according to the company's website. Baillargeon said Getchell was charged with: * Unlawful trafficking of schedule Z drug. * Possession of schedule W drug. * Operating after suspension. * Refusing to submit to arrest or detention. He also was cited for a seat-belt violation. He was released Monday on $1,000 cash bail from Androscoggin County Jail, a jail worker said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Eileen Re: Are exe files safe? Hi Webby, I was going to download registry booster as you approved it, but it comes up on my computer as "Can potionally harm computer". Is it really safe to download it? I have a HP, windows XP. If you say it's OK to download it on my computer, I will do it. Many Thanks, Eileen Dear Eileen Yes, Registry Booster is perfectly safe. Before downloading, your computer just sees the .exe file extension. From an unidentified or unrecognized source, an exe type file CAN indeed be dangerous. However, from a well known and reputable source, it is perfectly OK. Even setup.exe, that installs Windows, is an exe type file. You just have to make sure the source, where the file comes from, is legit. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
During a readiness exercise, Bob and Jim were guarding the entrance to a bunker-like structure where aircrafts were kept. When a pilot about to do a preflight check approached without his identification in plain view, Jim asked him for it. "I don't see why I have to show you my ID," the pilot snapped. "After all, it is my plane." "Sir, with all due respect, it may be your plane," replied Jim, "but it's sitting in my garage, and if you don't change your attitude right now, you will never see it again!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that, put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods. I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase! By Pamphyila from L.A., CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A hunter in Africa ran across a pigmy standing next to a huge dead elephant. The hunter then asked, "How does a little guy like you kill a huge beast like that?" Said the pigmy, "My club did it." The astonished hunter asked, "How big is your club?" The pigmy replied, "There are about 60 of us."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Liz: I get so nervous and frightened during driving tests! Doctor: Don't worry about it. You'll pass eventually. Liz: I'm the examiner!

» Touch of Classic





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Happy Fall 


You've Been Mooned!



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Twitter 


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Pinhead Of The Day 

Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica Ga. is our pinhead of the day. He held his mother hostage for six hours when she refused to iron his clothes in June.

He wanted her to do some ironing, and she said no. They got into an argument when he told her "ironing is woman's work." That's when he got his rifle out and held her at gunpoint.

Tyrrell has been indicted on charges of aggravated assault and false imprisonment.

I wonder if mom will post his bail?


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How frequently should I reboot? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Read something interesting today about Obamacare. It will be
mandatory to pay for it, except for his Muslim friends, Senators 
and Congress members. And illegal immigrants get lumped in 
somewhere between Muslims and Senators.
The infidels will be forced to pay for the medical expenses of
the privileged class.

Once that law is in place, Muslims won't need vehicle insurance
any more either, unless they want to drive into Canada or Mexico.

I wonder if it would affect the November election, if these facts
were leaked to the unprivileged infidels. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


Everybody gets so much information all day long that they lose their common sense. --- Gertrude Stein "We make a living by what we get, we make a life by what we give." --- Winston Churchill
Andy Rooney On Cripes: "My wife's from the Midwest. Very nice people there. Very wholesome. They use words like 'Cripes'. 'For Cripe's sake.' Who would that be, Jesus Cripes? The son of 'Gosh' of the church of 'Holy Moly'? I'm not making fun of it. You think I wanna burn in 'Heck'?"
Grandpa was celebrating his 100th birthday and everybody complimented him on how athletic and well-preserved he appeared. "Gentlemen, I will tell you the secret of my success," he cackled. "I have been in the open air day after day for some 75 years now." The celebrants were impressed and asked how he managed to keep up his rigorous fitness regime. "Well, you see, my wife and I were married 75 years ago. On our wedding night, we made a solemn pledge. Whenever we had a fight, the one who was proved wrong, would go outside and take a walk. By the time Jenny died thirtyfive years ago, my walks had become a habit and it was no big deal to keep them up."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Troy Kaczor, 40, Wausau, Wisconsin Man arrested after jumping into river chasing one-legged goose A Wausau man was rescued from the Wisconsin River on Thursday after he plunged into its frigid water while drunk and chasing a hobbled goose, police said. Troy Kaczor, 40, told police he shed his shirt and shoes at Big Bull Falls Park in downtown Wausau before he dived into the river, intending to catch the one-legged bird and then roast it, Wausau Police Lt. Bill Kolb said. Kaczor was too drunk to catch the goose and too drunk to get out of the river on his own, and had to be rescued. Kaczor was unable to secure his goose dinner, but he did get a meal out of the mishap. Police arrested Kaczor, 529 McClellan St., on a warrant for bail jumping and took him to the Marathon County Jail, Kolb said. As far as the police know, the goose still is on the loose.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mandy Re: How frequently should I reboot? Dear Webby, like you, I use my computer also as a fax machine, so it has to be on pretty well all the time. However, it gets awfully slow. After rebooting, it is a bit better, but it seems every month it's a bit slower. How often should I reboot, or what should I do to get reasonable speed? Mandy Dear Mandy I reboot once a week, unless a Windows update requires it in between. A reboot doesn't really do much more speeding up than you can accomplish by running Crap Cleaner. For speed I use Registry Booster to clean and optimize the registry, and Diskeeper to continuously defrag the hard drive. Yes, I know, there are hundreds of free programs that PROMISE to do the same. You probably even have a bunch of them installed. With those, the speed of your computer tells you that you get exactly what you pay for. I bought DisKeeper about ten years ago, after I lost one hard drive too many. Have not crashed one since, and the improvement in speed compared to free defragmenters is quite noticeable. The same goes for Registry Booster. I have tried lots of free registry cleaners, and found they made no noticeable difference. It costs under $30, and they throw in SystemTweaker 2010 as a bonus. I like it, and highly recommend it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Anni's car was unreliable and she called Sam for a ride every time it broke down. One day Sam got yet another one of those calls. "What happened this time?" he asked. "My brakes went out," Anni said. "Can you come to get me?" "Where are you?" Sam asked. "I'm in the drugstore," Anni responded. "And where's the car?" Sam asked. Anni replied, "It's in here with me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Dry Goods in Refrigerator or Freezer Store your legumes, flour, oatmeal and nuts in the fridge or freezer. They won't get weevils or insects, and will last longer. By Dorty from SA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Once you reach mid-level management, promotions are hard to come by at the state highway. I congratulated one woman on her recent upgrade and asked if she would mind telling me how she pulled it off. She smiled and said, "Well, sure. But I doubt very much if it'll do you any good."
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No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Children are natural mimics, who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

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PPS music and picture extractor 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Moday, October 11, 2010
Happy Thanksgiving Day to Canadians!
Happy Columbus Day to Americans,
where today all the Natives celebrate, 
that Columbus did not
get lost on the way to Turkey.


My friend Warner Carter, the author 
of the famous Guest Blogging for Profit 
book, gave me a very valuable warnng
today. FaceBook reveals your phone 
numbers!

I went and checked, and sure enough, it DOES show your phone
numbers, if one looks in the right place! A real tele-marketer's 
dream harvest!

30 seconds later I had changed my number to show my fax number.
WinFax is quite efficient in dealing with tele-marketers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


"Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value." --- Albert Einstein "Men always want to be a woman's first love - women like to be a man's last romance." --- Oscar Wilde
A businessman was feeling very ill and went to the doctor. The medical man examined him and backed away, saying: "I'm sorry to tell you this, but you have an advanced case of highly infectious rabies. You must have had it for some time. It will almost certainly be fatal." "Could you give me a pen and paper?" said the businessman. "Do you want to write your will?" "No, I want to make a list of all the people with overdue invoices, and then I am going out for a few bites."
A lady lost her handbag in the bustle of holiday shopping. It was found by an honest little kid and returned to her. Looking in her purse, she commented, "Hmmm.... That's funny. When I lost my bag there was a $20 bill in it. Now there are twenty $1 bills." quickly replied, "That's right, lady. The last time I found a purse, the owner didn't have any change for a reward."
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Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Early Christmas Cactus
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica, GA Man bites police dog VILLA RICA, Ga. (UPI) -- A Georgia man who allegedly held his mom hostage for refusing to iron his clothes has been indicted on aggravated assault and false imprisonment charges. Robert Edward Tyrrell, 29, of Villa Rica was indicted by a Carroll County grand jury for allegedly using a rifle to hold his mother hostage for 6 hours when she refused to iron his clothes in June, The Atlanta Journal-Constitution reported. "He wanted her to do some ironing, and when she said 'no,' they got into an argument," Sgt. Marc Griffith with the Carroll County Sheriff's Office said of the start of the incident. "He told her 'ironing is woman's work.'" Seems ironic, if you can excuse the pun, but that is how she raised him. Though at age 29, even a Mama's boy should know better.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: PPS music and picture extractor Dear Webby, That link that you once had for extracting music and pictures from PPS files doesn't work any more. What's going on? Thanks, Dianne Dear Dianne It appears that download demands for PowerPointImageExtractor got too much for the private site, that hosted it as a favor. So the download file got moved to big mirror servers and is availabe there now. One is Software.informer.com, and the link is http://powerpointimageextractor.software.informer.com/ Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
There was a young Scottish boy called Angus who decided to try life in Australia. He found an apartment in a small block and settled in. After a week or two, his mother called from Aberdeen to see how her son was doing in his new life. 'I'm fine, ' Angus said. 'But there are some really weird people living in these apartments. One woman cried all day long, another lies on her floor moaning, and there is a guy next door to me who bangs his head on the wall all the time.' 'Well, ma laddie,' says his mother, 'I suggest you don't associate with people like that.' 'Oh,' says Angus, 'I don't, Mam, I don't. No, I just stay inside my apartment all day and night, playing me bagpipes.'
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Packing Kids For Multi Day Trips When my son (early teens) went away on a church mission trip, I was worried that he would wear mismatched clothes or wear the same pair of socks for several days. You know how young boys are. I purchased gallon sized plastic zipper bags (the kind you use for food storage) and used them to pack his clothing. Each bag was labeled with a day of the week. Each bag contained a t-shirt, a pair of shorts, a pair of socks, and a pair of underwear. I placed a few dollars in the pocket of each pair of shorts so that he would have some cash for a snack/soda each day. By readingiggits from TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Imelda reported for her University PHD final examination which consists of "yes/no" type questions. She takes her seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes her purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing the coin and marking the answer sheet - Yes for Heads and No for Tails. Within half an hour she is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, she is seen desperately throwing the coin, swearing and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches her and asks what is going on. "I finished the exam in half and hour. But, she says, I am rechecking my answers, and half of them are wrong !"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Teacher: Johnny, give me a sentence starting with "I". Little Johnny: I is... Teacher: No, Little Johnny. Always say "I am." Little Johnny: All right, have it your way. "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."

» Apples





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Grow Your Own Food Easily 

The Problem with Traditional Vegetable Gardening?

By Jonathan White, environmental scientist.

Traditional vegetable gardens require an enormous amount of hard work and attention - weeding, feeding and strict planting schedules. There is also the problem of seasonality, allowing beds to rest during the cooler months producing nothing at all. Then we are told to plant green manure crops, add inorganic fertilizers and chemicals to adjust imbalanced soils. It takes a lot of time, dedication and a year-round commitment to grow your own food the traditional way. But does it really need to be that difficult? Let me ask you this question. Does a forest need to think how to grow? Does its soil need to be turned every season? Does someone come along every so often and plant seeds or take pH tests? Does it get weeded or sprayed with toxic chemicals? Of course not!

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Traditional vegetable gardening techniques are focused on problems. Have you noticed that gardening books are full of ways to fix problems? I was a traditional gardener for many years and I found that the solution to most problems simply caused a new set of problems. In other words, the problem with problems is that problems create more problems.

Let’s take a look at a common traditional gardening practice and I will show you how a single problem can escalate into a whole host of problems.

Imagine a traditional vegetable garden, planted with rows of various vegetables. There are fairly large bare patches between the vegetables. To a traditional gardener, a bare patch is just a bare patch. But to an ecologist, a bare patch is an empty niche space. An empty niche space is simply an invitation for new life forms to take up residency. Nature does not tolerate empty niche spaces and the most successful niche space fillers are weeds. That’s what a weed is in ecological terms - a niche space filler. Weeds are very good colonizing plants. If they weren’t, they wouldn’t be called weeds.

Now back to our story. Weeds will grow in the empty niche spaces. Quite often there are too many weeds to pick out individually, so the traditional gardener uses a hoe to turn them into the soil. I have read in many gardening books, even organic gardening books, that your hoe is your best friend. So the message we are getting is that using a hoe is the solution to a problem.

However, I would like to show you how using a hoe actually creates a new set of problems. Firstly, turning soil excites weed seeds, creating a new explosion of weeds. And secondly, turning soil upsets the soil ecology. The top layer of soil is generally dry and structureless. By turning it, you are placing deeper structured soil on the surface and putting the structureless soil underneath. Over time, the band of structureless soil widens. Structureless soil has far less moisture holding capacity, so the garden now needs more water to keep the plants alive.

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In addition to this problem, structureless soil cannot pass its nutrients onto the plants as effectively. The garden now also needs the addition of fertilisers. Many fertilisers kill the soil biology which is very important in building soil structure and plant nutrient availability. The soil will eventually turn into a dead substance that doesn’t have the correct balance of nutrients to grow fully developed foods. The foods will actually lack vitamins and minerals. This problem has already occurred in modern-day agriculture. Dr Tim Lobstein, Director of the Food Commission said. "… today's agriculture does not allow the soil to enrich itself, but depends on chemical fertilisers that don't replace the wide variety of nutrients plants and humans need." Over the past 60 years commercially grown foods have experienced a significant reduction in nutrient and mineral content.

Can you see how we started with the problem of weeds, but ended up with the new problems of lower water-holding capacity and infertile soils. And eventually, we have the potentially serious problem of growing food with low nutrient content. Traditional gardening techniques only ever strive to fix the symptom and not the cause.

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However, there is a solution! We must use a technique that combines pest ecology, plant ecology, soil ecology and crop management into a method that addresses the causes of these problems. This technique must be efficient enough to be economically viable. It also needs to be able to produce enough food, per given area, to compete against traditional techniques.

I have been testing an ecologically-based method of growing food for several years. This method uses zero tillage, zero chemicals, has minimal weeds and requires a fraction of the physical attention (when compared to traditional vegetable gardening). It also produces several times more, per given area, and provides food every single day of the year.

My ecologically-based garden mimics nature in such a way that the garden looks and acts like a natural ecosystem. Succession layering of plants (just as we see in natural ecosystems) offers natural pest management. It also naturally eliminates the need for crop rotation, resting beds or green manure crops. Soil management is addressed in a natural way, and the result is that the soil’s structure and fertility get richer and richer, year after year. Another benefit of this method is automatic regeneration through self-seeding. This occurs naturally as dormant seeds germinate; filling empty niche spaces with desirable plants, and not weeds.

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Unfortunately, the biggest challenge this method faces is convincing traditional gardeners of its benefits. Like many industries, the gardening industry gets stuck in doing things a certain way. The ecologically-based method requires such little human intervention that, in my opinion, many people will get frustrated with the lack of needing to control what’s happening. Naturally people love to take control of their lives, but with this method you are allowing nature to take the reins. It’s a test of faith in very simple natural laws. However, in my experience these natural laws are 100% reliable.

Another reason that traditional gardeners may not like this method is that it takes away all the mysticism of being an expert. You see, this method is so simple that any person, anywhere in the world, under any conditions, can do it. And for a veteran gardener it can actually be quite threatening when an embarrassingly simple solution comes along.

I have no doubt that this is the way we will be growing food in the future. It’s just commonsense. Why wouldn’t we use a method that produces many times more food with a fraction of the effort? I know it will take a little while to convince people that growing food is actually very instinctual and straightforward, but with persistence and proper explanation, people will embrace this method.

Why? Because sanity always prevails…

…eventually!

Jonathan White is an Environmental Scientist and the founder of the Food4Wealth Method.

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Free zip/unzip program 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 10, 2010

Somebody on ThriftyFun asked for a gift suggestion for her mother's birthday, and mentioned she had $412 saved up. Here is what I suggested: By now your mother probably has more "stuff" than places to put it. You can buy her a cheap $300 - $400 laptop online, and set up Skype for her. Nowadays almost all laptops have web cams built in, and with Skype she can video chat with family and friends for free. Skype is free. The ability to do that will mean a LOT more to her than ANY material goods. Setting it up is easy, and you can rig it so that it automatically starts, and all she has to do is select the person she wants to chat with. This year you can set her up with a $10 head set, next year give her a desk microphone and a set of speakers (or connect a speaker cable to her home stereo), so that she can continue chatting while working in the kitchen. When I see how my father lights up, when I skype him at his breakfast table 8 time zones away from here, I KNOW that there is no better gift than giving the ability to communicate. Have FUN! DearWebby
Most of the important things in the world have been achieved by people who have kept on trying, when there seemed to be no hope at all. --- Dale Carnegie
Larry's barn burned down and his wife, Susan, called the insurance company. Susan told the insurance company, "We had that barn insured for fifty thousand and I want my money." The agent replied, "Whoa there, just a minute, Susan. Insurance doesn't work quite like that. We will ascertain the value of the barn just before it burned, and provide you with a new one of comparable worth, up to a maximum of fifty thousand dollars." There was a long pause before Susan replied, "In THAT case, cancel the policy on my husband RIGHT NOW!."
During the cold war we had a series of radar sites known as the "Distant Early Warning" system or "DEW" line, a string of big huge radar stations in Northern Canada, powerful enough to microwave a goose at 5 Miles, advanced enough to look over the North Pole into Russia, accurate enough to tell the difference between a thrown rolling pin and a missile. Gradually the satellites took over the surveillance job and the DEW line got abandoned and just sat there rusting away quietly. Only recently some contractors were sent up there to dismantle the sites and bury or cart away the remains. One mechanic stationed there asked his buddy at home to arrange a date for him when he got leave. The buddy did so, but told the girl that she'd better be careful, as the guy had been working on the DEW line for 6 months. She replied, "No problem. I've been working on my 'DON'T line' for six years."
Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Sunset over the Pacific from Pismo Beach CA
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Roderick Lewis, 23, in Westhaven, Conn Man bites police dog It's often said if a dog bites a man it's not news, but if a man bites a dog, you've got a story. Well, here is that story. West Haven, Conn., Officer Scott Bloom was on patrol with his K-9, Onyx, near the Rite Aid on Elm Street early Thursday morning, when he noticed Roderick Lewis walking toward him. Lewis yelled out, "I need a bag of dust," referring to angel dust, or PCP, according to police. Lewis, 23, walked toward the officer and reached into his waistband, police said, and the officer grabbed Lewis's arms and told him to stop. That's when Lewis punched officer Bloom in the face, according to police. Onyx, the police dog, jumped from Bloom's cruiser and attacked the suspect, latching onto his leg, according to police. But then Lewis did his own chomping, biting into the dog's side, police said. Lewis didn't let go until the officer was able to pull him off the dog, police said. Lewis was charged with assault on a police officer, disorderly conduct and cruelty to animals. Officer Bloom and Onyx were treated for their injuries.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Duane Re: Unzip program Hi Webby, Do you know of a free program that will unzip files? I can't afford to pay for one if there is a free one. Thanks, Duane Dear Duane 7-Zip works fine and is free. Some say it works better than WinZip, some say it doesn't. I say, whichever one of those two you are used to, will appear to be better. The differences seem to me to be mostly religious and based on the fact that the fanatics of one have not read the instructions of the other. The only REAL difference I see is that 7-Zip is free and will never nag you about paying all over again and again, whenever you change machines or they have some cosmetic upgrades. The actual compression ratio is slightly better with 7-Zip. Don't do it when you are in a frantic hurry. First un-install any other zippers that you may have accumulated in the last 20 years, or what remnants of them are still lurking in the depths of your hard drive. While you are doing that, put a dollar or some spare change into a jar set aside for the Secure UnInstaller. It's cheap anyway, but if you put a buck into it's jar every time you wish you had it, it won't be a budget item when you do get it, and you can just jump for it. It's a good idea to clean up first before any new program, but when you get a program like 7-Zip, that you will be using for the rest of your life, then it is well worth it to make a clean foundation for it. Once you got it installed, grab a coffee and browse the manual and help just enough to know where to look, if you come up with any questions. It's all quite simple, but just like the Catholics do things different from the Protestants, 7-Zip has some controls and buttons labeled differently from other similar programs. Each one has a different user interface. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
Arthur goes into the travel agency and proclaims, "I've seen your ad about a $49.00 trip to Hawaii, and I'd like to go." The travel agent says, "Listen, friend, this is my first day here, but I know about all the details of that crumby $49.00 offer, and believe me, you DON'T want it. Take the next best offer, which is only $1,399.00." "Oh, no you don't," says the Arthur, "you're not going to catch ME with that bait and switch. The ad says `$49.00 to Hawaii,' and THAT's what I want." "Okay," says the agent, who takes his money then grabs a baseball bat from under the desk and hits him on the head. Arthur wakes up a few hours later, on a raft out in the Pacific Ocean! He looks around, and there's NOTHING, only he and another guy on the raft. "What are we going to do?" cries our hero, "surely they'll send a ship for us." -- "I don't think so," responds his new-found travelling companion, "they didn't the last two years."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Chili Sauce as a Copper Cleanser My mother is in her late 70's and has a lot of copper pots, which have tarnished over the years. She had been using copper polish but feels it is becoming too expensive. Last week, she spilled some " Taste of Asia " chili sauce on one of her pots. When she wiped it it off, she found that it had cleaned the pot as well as the copper polish. She was so pleased that she did all of her pots with the chili sauce. At less than a $1.00 (Canadian), she was ecstatic. By Solarbaby http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The teacher asked: What do you think your mom and dad have in common? replied: "Both don't want no more kids."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
How can you tell if people are married ? "You might have to guess based on whether they seem to be yelling at the same kids."

» Octoberfest





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Idiots Slow You Down And Stop You 


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Paypal Alternative 

Paypal Woes?

Paypal's rules are driving people away.
They decided out of the blue not to allow my debit card anymore.
Never mind that I have never forfeited or disputed a payment I made.
It does not matter that every payment I made was on time and hassle free.

They just chose to disallow my method of payment.

I have found a new pay processor that will offer me flexibility and and are not a bunch of jerks.

Paybox

Sign up for free and for a limited time you can get a $50 credit.

Paybox: Move away from Paypal. Click here Now!


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Questions 

PONDERISMS

1· I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

2· There are two kinds of pedestrians: the quick and the dead.

3· Life is sexually transmitted.

4· Healthy is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die.

5· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

6· Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

7· Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they used to?

8· Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.

9· All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

10· In the 60's, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

11· How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

12· Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, 'I think I'll squeeze these dangly things and drink whatever comes out'?

13· If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?

14· Why does your OB-GYN leave the room when you get undressed if they are going to look up there anyway?

15· If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?

16· If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, then what is baby oil made from?

17· Do illiterate people get the full effect of Alphabet Soup?

18· Does pushing the elevator button more than once make it arrive faster?

19· Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

20· Do you ever wonder why you gave me your email address?

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Does Your Dog Own You? 

You believe every dog is a lap dog.

If you are cold, you put a sweater on your dog.

You have a picture of your dog in your wallet, but not one of your kids.

You often claim that it was love at first sight with you and your dog.

You have your dog talk to your friends on the phone.

You can't fully enjoy yourself without your dog.

No matter how large your bed is, it is not large enough for you and your dog(s).

You spend more on clothes and food for your dog than you do for yourself.

You have no reservations about kissing your dog on the lips, even when you know where his lips have been.

You believe it is your duty to talk to, pat, and even feed every dog in the neighborhood. You know their names.

You let the neighbor dog sleep over.

You believe there is no such thing as a naughty dog.

Your vet and grooming bills exceed your mortgage.

When you need someone to talk to, your dog is your first choice.

You sit on the floor if the dog got in the chair first.

You talk to your dog when you are driving. He answers


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Muslim Pussy 

What were you thinking?


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Getting rid of duplicates with Excel 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Friday, October 8, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

A couple of days ago subscriber Ann asked me: "Lately there has been a very bright star raising in the east and going overhead to the west. I live on southern Vancouver Island and my deck faces south which is where I am viewing this star from. This star is very large (no it's not the moon) and on the rise is in about the 11 oclock position. Any guesses as to what star this is? Ann I gave her the address of the astronomy department of the University of Bristish Columbia, since they can just look out their window and see what she sees. They replied to her: "It is Jupiter. Jupiter passes through its closest approach to Earth (or more accurately, we passed through our closest approach to it) a few weeks ago. It's been prominent in the southeastern skies this past summer and through the autumn. Just to clarify to the person making the enquiry, the "star" (really a planet that looks like a star to the eye, except that planets don't twinkle) isn't "large" to the eye, it's bright. That can be mis- interpreted by the human brain, and in photographs, as being bigger than the other stars in view, but they are all unresolved pinpoints of light to the eye. Clear skies, Jaymie Dr. Jaymie Matthews Professor Ann forwarded me their reply, in case other readers take a smoke break and look up at the sky, and wonder what that bright thing up there is. Have FUN! DearWebby
The important thing is not to stop questioning. --- Albert Einstein Television news is like a lightning flash. It makes a loud noise, lights up everything around it, leaves everything else in darkness and then is suddenly gone. --- Hodding Carter Humankind cannot stand very much reality. --- T. S. Eliot
Two men were sitting at a bar recounting their dreams. "I dreamed I was on vacation," one man said fondly. "It was just me and my fishing rod and this big beautiful lake. What a dream." "I had a great dream too," said the other. "I dreamed I was in bed with two beautiful women and having the time of my life." His companion looked over and exhorted, "You dreamed you had two beautiful women, and you didn't call me?" "Oh, I did," said the other, "but when I called, your wife said you'd gone fishing."
Hmmmm a. The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000. b. Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year is 120,000. c. Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171. (Source: U.S. Dept. of Health & Human Services) Then think about this: a. The number of gun owners in the US is 80,000,000. b. The number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups) is 1,500. c. The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .0000188. Statistically, US doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.
OK, so nobody except me is interested in saving home energy. If you do some day decide that cutting utility bills down to half or less with some neat tricks might be fun after all, I still got the link. Learn PHP in 17 hours Learn in 17 hours what took me over 250 hours to hunt down and figure out. Write scripts, install them and use them. Modify and adapt free scripts for your own purposes. Learn PHP in 17 hours
Thanks to Sandie for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Burrowing Owls next door
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Jean-Paul Escudie, 65, in Cairns, Australia Drunk driver gets off easy A SERIAL drink-driver has avoided jail for crashing his motorised wheelchair into a police car while almost five times over the legal limit. Jean-Paul Escudie, 65, faced Cairns Magistrate Court today after pleading guilty to his seventh drink-driving charge since 2005. The court was told Escudie crashed his motorised wheelchair into an unmarked police car in the Cairns CBD on August 5 after a pub session followed by dinner and drinks with friends. No-one was injured and the incident caused minimal damage, but he was charged with drink-driving after recording a blood alcohol reading of 0.232 per cent. French-born Escudie was given a six-month suspended prison sentence after passing out in a turning lane on the Captain Cook Highway in his wheelchair while more than six times over the limit in 2008. Magistrate Jane Bentley said Mr Escudie's latest offence meant that sentence needed to be enacted but imposed a cumulative sentence of nine months for both offences. However, she ordered he be granted parole immediately because his offences were not as serious as if he'd been in charge of a car. "You were a risk to yourself rather than a risk to others," she said. Defence lawyer John Magoffin said that although Escudie did not require a driver's licence to operate the wheelchair, it was classified as a vehicle because it could reach speeds of up to 15km/h. The court heard Escudie had stopped driving a car after being caught drink-driving five times between 2005 and 2007. He then switched to a motorised wheelchair because health problems meant he was not able to walk long distances, Mr Magoffin said. (Not sober enough to walk) News.com.au did not report whether the magistrate was sober enough to walk.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ellen Re: get rid of duplicates in Excel Dear Webby, Ok, so you are an Open Office wizard, but do you still remember some Excel tricks? We still use that at work. I need to weed out a huge list and make sure each address is in there just once. If there is duplication in the other columns, that is fine, but I need each email address just once, and I need the names and postal addresses in the other columns to stay in sync with the de-duplicated column. I'm not sure Excel can actually do that, but if anybody can figure it out, it will be you. Thanks Ellen Dear Ellen Yes, Excel can do that too. It may be a bit scary the first few times, but it works quite well. To be on the safe side, save the spreadsheet under a new name, then select all columns by holding down SHIFT and clicking on all the column letters on the top. Then Click on DATA, FILTER, ADVANCED Copy to another location and specify a free top cell Checkmark Unique records only and hit OK The deduplicated block will appear at the location that you set as "Other Location". You can zip to the end of it and see how much shorter it is than the original. With XP that happens pretty well instantly, even with a huge list. If the column with the critical data is not the first, then you have to move it to the left side and make sure it is the left-most column. All the rest are treated as baggage and just kept in sync with the data in the critical column. Have FUN! DearWebby
Secure Uninstaller With this Secure Uninstaller on your computer, you can try anything you want, without any fear about remants left behind. Get Secure Uninstaller !
There are these two guys driving a car. The guy driving blows right through the red light. "Man, you just ran that red light!", the passenger said. "Don't worry, my mother does it all the time," said the driver. Well, they continue to drive when the guy went flying through another stop light. "You ran ANOTHER stop light. You are going to get us killed!!!" exclaimed the passenger. "Don't worry, my mother does it all the time, the driver said. After a while they came to a green light and the guy stopped. "Why are you stopping?" the driver turned around and said, "Because my mother lives in this neighborhood!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Clay Pots I like to dress up terra cotta pots with acrylic paints. One technique is to use three colors or more and a sponge. You only need a small squirt of each color, making it great for using those leftovers. Make sure your pot is dry. First, spray inside and out with a good coat of polyurethane or lacquer and let dry. You'll want to use three or more colors of paint. It just takes a small amount of each. I squirt my darkest shade onto a paper plate. Start with a slightly damp sponge, dip it into the paint, then blot onto a newspaper a few times. Lightly press the sponge to the pot to apply paint. You don't need to totally cover it. Each coat needs to dry completely. Next, repeat with the next lighter shade. Be sure to let some dark show through. Keep repeating dark to lightest. I usually paint the rim and inside just past the dirt line. It's finished when it's to your liking. After the last color is dried, use a coat or two of clear lacquer or polyurethane inside and out to seal paint from moisture or your pretty paint will bubble and peel. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A government employee is badly hurt falling down the stairs of the Capital Building in Washington, DC. He is taken to hospital where he remains in a coma for several days. Finally, an eye opens and his doctor tells him: "My friend, I have bad news and I have good news. First of all, you'll never be able to work again..." "Oh!" muttered the injured bureaucrat. "What's the bad news?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A large crowd gathered at an accident on Main street. A newspaper reporter, anxious to get his story, could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd parted and made way for him. Lying in front of the car, was a donkey.

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Fixed headers in Open Office Calc spreadsheets 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, October 7, 2010

The local elections are heating up, and the election signs are providing more color than the leaves, which have mostly departed for provinces further East. If the voting was on-line, the two candidates, who came to me for hosting, design and SEO (Search Engine Optimizing), are still on top of page 1 of Google, when doing a generic search for just "Black Diamond Election", without including their names. Their closest competitors seem to be somewhere past page 300,000. Sharlene from down the street got a better domain name, but Barb edged past her by simply chatting a bit on her blog. It will be interesting to see whether the majority of the voters react to the web or to people stomping house to house and boring them with election promises. Have FUN! DearWebby
Television is more interesting than people. If it were not, we would have people standing in the corners of our rooms. --- Alan Corenk An atheist is a man who has no invisible means of support. -- John Buchan
Gina was trying to get her eigth-grade history class to understand how the Indians must have felt when they first encountered the Spanish explorers. "How would you feel," she asked, "if someone showed up on your doorstep who looked very different, spoke in a strange way that you don't understand, and wore weird and unusual clothes? Wouldn't you be a bit scared?" "Nah," one girl answered, "That pretty well describes Bozo, my sister's boyfriend, and I've beaten him up before."
On her way back from the concession stand, Sally asked a man at the end of the row of seats, "Pardon me, but did I step on your foot before?" Expecting an apology, the man said, "Indeed you did." Sally nodded, "Oh good. Then this is my row."
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manual
Thanks to Robert for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Hidden Pool Colorado Plateau, Utah
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Alexis Carter, 21, lake County, Florida Charged with intimidating and ripping off elderly LAKE COUNTY, Fla. -- Police have a warning about the car in your rear-view mirror. A Lake County woman was arrested Tuesday for following elderly victims home from grocery stores and demanding cash. She claimed her victims had hit her car, but they hadn't. A perfectly timed phone call led to her arrest. One of the victims was filling out a report at Leesburg police headquarters when the woman called her cell phone. That's how police got the woman's phone number and they tracked her down. "They just target the elderly, and especially a woman alone," said Captain Rob Hicks of the Leesburg Police Department. The elderly woman, who did not want to be identified, told WFTV she's afraid of 21-year-old Alexis Carter. "It frightened me. It upset me," she said. Leesburg police said Carter, driving a red Ford, cruised the parking lots of the local Aldi and Publix supermarkets, and the Veteran's Clinic. They say she targeted elderly women who were backing their cars out of parking spaces. "All three victims said they saw the red car. They described it as if they thought the car was waiting for that parking space," Hicks said. But Hicks said Carter then followed the women to their homes and confronted them, claiming they had hit her car. "Said that she already spoken with her mechanic, and that the mechanic told her it was going to be $85 or some amount to make the repair," Hicks said. Detectives said two of the victims refused to pay, but they said Carter coerced an 82-year-old into going to the bank and withdrawing $187. However, one woman did not fall for it. But both she and police are worried Carter may have ripped off many more victims. Carter is charged with organized fraud and is in the Lake County jail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Fixed headers in Open Office Calc Dear Webby, Can you make fixed headers in Open Office Calc spreadsheets, so that the descriptive column headers stay in place when you scroll the page? If you can do it, how is it done? Fran Dear Fran Yes, sure you can! You can even make the leftmost columns fied, sothat they stay visible when you scroll the page sideways. Just put the highlight into the cell closest to the row and column that you want to remain fixed. For example, if you want both Column A and Row 1 to remain fixed, highlight Cell B2 and hit ALT W F and it is done. Or click on Window Freeze You will see lines dividing the fixed and the scrollable areas. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On an airplane, I overheard a stewardess talking to an elderly couple in front of me. Learning that it was the couple's 50th wedding anniversary, the flight attendant congratulated them and asked how they had done it. "It all felt like five minutes..." the gentleman said slowly. The stewardess had just begun to remark on what a sweet statement that was when he finished his sentence with a word that earned him a sharp smack on the head: "..underwater."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painting Clay Pots I like to dress up terra cotta pots with acrylic paints. One technique is to use three colors or more and a sponge. You only need a small squirt of each color, making it great for using those leftovers. Make sure your pot is dry. First, spray inside and out with a good coat of polyurethane or lacquer and let dry. You'll want to use three or more colors of paint. It just takes a small amount of each. I squirt my darkest shade onto a paper plate. Start with a slightly damp sponge, dip it into the paint, then blot onto a newspaper a few times. Lightly press the sponge to the pot to apply paint. You don't need to totally cover it. Each coat needs to dry completely. Next, repeat with the next lighter shade. Be sure to let some dark show through. Keep repeating dark to lightest. I usually paint the rim and inside just past the dirt line. It's finished when it's to your liking. After the last color is dried, use a coat or two of clear lacquer or polyurethane inside and out to seal paint from moisture or your pretty paint will bubble and peel. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sam made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
One afternoon, two doctors from India were having an animated discussion. "I say it's spelled 'W-H-O-O-M'," said the first Indian doctor. "No, it is 'W-H-O-M-B'," said the other Indian doctor. An American nurse passing by said, "Excuse me, you are both wrong. It is spelled 'W-O-M-B'." "Thank you nurse," said one of the doctors, "but we prefer to settle this argument ourselves. Besides, we don't think you are in a position to describe the sound of an rhino passing wind under water."

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McAfee online help via chat 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, October 6, 2010

This evening I had a very pleasant chat with Sajeer, a tech at McAfee. It seems that there have been great improvements made there. Details in the blue Tech Support Pits section. Have FUN! DearWebby
"The smallest good deed is better than the grandest intention." --- Socratex "Greater things are believed of those who are absent." --- Publius Cornelius Tacitus Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. --- Andre Gide
Bambi, the pert young yuppie, filled her gas tank at a self service station. After she had paid and driven away, she realized she'd left the gas cap on top of her car. "Ooopsie," she said as she stopped and looked. Sure enough, it was lost. Mustering all her mental abilities she thought for a few minutes. "Surely I'm not the only young, beautiful, blonde woman to have done this," She muttered to herself. "Others must have done the same thing. Maybe if I drive back the way I came, I'll find a gas cap that will fit, or maybe even the one I lost." Bambi drove back down the street and sure enough, she found a gas cap laying by the side of the road. She tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying "click." "WOW, this is SO COOL", Bambi said to no one in particular. "I lost my gas cap, but found one that fits. It's even better than my old one because this one automatically LOCKS!"
A woman, whose fondness for the good life had taken its toll in added pounds - and girth -was being shown a Jeep by a salesman at an auto dealership. When the salesman's pitch had run its course, he sought to close with the typical line, "Now what would it take to get you into one of these?" Looking at the Jeep's high front seat, the woman replied, "Probably a forklift."
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manua
Thanks to dad for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. On the Mainau island on Lake Constance Dad went back to that island for some more fall pictures. I uploaded two pages worth to his site at http://dawna.com
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Paul Ewing, 35, in Bradenton, Florida Doper kills neighbor's plants BRADENTON, Fla., Oct. 4 (UPI) -- A Florida man used water guns and water balloons to spray weed killer on his neighbor's plants because he was owed money for drugs, police said. Bradenton police said Paul Ewing, 35, was pulled over Thursday for driving with a suspended license and admitted he had been spraying his neighbor's flowers and bushes with Roundup weed killer because he was upset about money the neighbor owed him for drugs, the Bradenton (Fla.) Herald reported Monday. Ewing, who estimated the landscaping damage at $250, said he used water guns to spray plants in the front yard and threw water balloons into the back yard. Police said the incidents took place from May 1 to July 1. Ewing was charged with criminal mischief with property damage and released from Manatee County jail after posting $500 bail. He has not yet been charged for selling the drugs, for which he claimed he was owed payment.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Me Re: McAfee not working McAfee Did not work on an old machine, that I needed to use again. So I downloaded it again, but the fresh install didn't work either. Rather than waste a lot of hours guessing, I went to http://mcafee.com, support, on-line chat. After a very brief one minute wait I was greeted by Sajeer, a very polite and very competent tech. Sajeer checked my machine and in seconds figured out the problem. The old expired installation was preventing a clean install. Sajeer asked for authorization to fix it, which I naturally gave. Then Sajeer cleaned and fixed everything via the Internet, in surprisingly short time. A fresh download, install and reboot, and everything worked just fine. That machine then scanned itself and is now scanning the remote USB back-up hard drive. Years ago it used to be difficult to get competent help at McAfee, but they sure have improved drastically! If you have any problems related to McAfee, select the on-line tech chat. They have good and competent people there now! Have FUN! DearWebby
Worlds Best Compost Make the worlds ultimate natural fertilizer, colloidal humus, without bins, turning or odor. No toxic chemicals! Get Worlds Best Compost !
Jeff's mother-in-law uses curlers in her hair after she washes it. She came into the Family Room as he was watching TV. It seems hestared at her funny because she said, "I just set my hair." While we remember the ruckus that followed, the last thing he remembers is saying: "Oh, really? At what time is it set go off?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shelf Liner for Securing Throw Rugs My husband scored several new oriental style rugs. The problem was that the smaller area rugs slipped on our linoleum flooring. I solved that problem by buying an inexpensive roll of brown foam shelving liner and cutting it up into rectangles to put two under each rug at each end to anchor them. One cheap roll ($1.50) was enough for four area rugs. Pamela M. from Hollywood, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The Los Alamitos, California, police log reports that a caller called police to report hearing a man screaming, "I am going to kill you!" which turned out to be a man "addressing his computer." No charges were filed, of course, as the actions were deemed to likely be appropriate.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
In a small town in the US, there is a rather sizable factory that hires only married men. Concerned about this, a local woman called on the manager and asked him, "Why is it you limit your employees to married men? Is it because you think women are weak, dumb, cantankerous...or what?" "Not at all, Ma'am," the manager replied. "It is because our employees are used to obeying orders, are accustomed to being shoved around, know how to keep their mouths shut and don't pout when I yell at them."

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Where Pumpkin Pie Comes From... 


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Spreadsheet alarm tricks 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Today's picture is of a 3 foot diameter "Mother-In-Law's-Chair". Whoever named it hundreds of years ago, apparently did not like his or her mother-in-law. When they are younger, those vicious little spikes look a lot more prominent, but apparently, just like eyes in people, they don't grow much, if at all, while the rest of it grows in size. They just get sharper. Have FUN! DearWebby
"Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur "An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?" --- Michel De Saint-Pierre He who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me. --- Thomas Jefferson
Sid and Al were sitting in a Mexican restaurant. "Sid," asked Al, "Are there any Jews in Mexico?" I don't know," Sid replied. "Why don't we ask the waiter?" When the waiter came by, Al asked him, "Are there any Mexican Jews?" "I don't know sir, let me ask," the waiter replied, and he went into the kitchen. He returned in a few minutes and said, "No, sir. No Mexican Jews." "Are you sure?" Al asked. "I will check again, sir." the waiter replied and went back to the kitchen. While he was still gone, Sid said, "I cannot believe there are no Jews in Mexico. Our people are scattered everywhere." When the waiter returned he said, "Sir, no Mexican Jews." "Are you really sure?" Al asked again. "I cannot believe there are no Mexican Jews." "Sir, I ask everyone," the waiter replied exasperated. "We have orange Jews, prune Jews, tomato Jews and grape Jews, but no one ever hear of Mexican Jews!"
Little Harold was practing the violin in the living room while his father was trying to read in the den. The family dog was lying in the den, and as the screeching sounds of little Harold's violin reached his ears, he began to howl loudly. The father listened to the dog and the violin as long as he could. Then he jumped up, slammed his paper to the floor and yelled above the noise, "For Pete's sake. can't you play something the dog doesn't know?!"
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Thanks to dad for sending this picture: What is this? Click through the picture to the large version. Don't sit on it! Click through the picture to the large version. Click through the picture to the large version. Mother In Law's Chair The Latin name for it is Echinocactus Grusonii
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Elsie Wright O'Conner, 65, in Ocala, Florida Granny tries grilled cheese sandwich bribe to get out of DUI arrest OCALA, Fla., Oct. 2 (UPI) -- A police officer in Florida says a grandmother tried to avoid a drunken driving arrest by offering to make him a grilled cheese sandwich. Elsie Wright O'Conner's ploy, it did not work. She was arrested Thursday night and charged with driving under the influence, the Ocala Star-Banner reports. In his report, Marion County Deputy Calvin Batts said he responded to a call about an erratic driver and pulled O'Conner over. He said he smelled alcohol on her breath and found two Skyy vodka bottles in her Cadillac sport utility vehicle, one empty and one half-full. O'Conner failed a field sobriety test, Batts said. At the county jail, her blood-alcohol level tested at more than three times the legal limit of 0.08. "Come on now, I'm a grandma, can't you do something for me since I'm not that bad," Batts said O'Conner told him. "I could have brought you back to my house and made you a grilled cheese sandwich."
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Tess Re: Automatic color blocks in spreadsheets Dear Webby Is there a way to make a spreadsheet change the color of a cell, depending on whether someting is true or false, or bigger than a comparison number? I don't mean a number turning red, when it is negative, but more something like a cell turning orange when the date gets close or red when it is past the date, or green when the date for writing a new invoiceis is far enough in the future. It would even be OK if each color block is in a separate column. Oh, and a partridge in a pear tree, while you are at it. Thanks Tess Dear Tess The colors of cells are assigned prior to a formula being calculated, but we can put those "alarm lights" into different columns. Make 3 columns and set the font colors in them to red, orange and green, respectively. Let's say the trigger date is in column R, and the top row is a locked header. So, if you want an alarm light in cell A2, if the date in column R is today's date, then write into A2: =IF(TODAY()=(R2),"T","") That puts a red T into the A2 cell, when the date in R2 is today's date, or nothing at any other time. If you want a 7 day or smaller alarm in the next column, use: =IF(TODAY()>(R2-7),"7","") That puts a 7 into the orange column You can, of course, play with those formulas any way you want. Now, to dress it up a bit, instead of the "T", hold down the ALT key, and type on the numeric keypad 219. That puts a big, solid block of color in there, when the formula condition is true. Then replace the 7 in the next column with ALT 219, to get an orange block when the condition of THAT formula is true. ALT 178, 177 an 176 are successively lighter shades of text color. ALT 222 is a full color half width block. Once you got the alarm lights working and looking right, copy them and paste them as far down their columns as the spreadsheet goes. The cells will look empty, until the current date catches up with the date that row has in column R. Then the appropriate alarm light will light up. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Way down the Mississippi River, two tugboat captains from Luisiana, who had been friends for years, would always cry, "Aye!" and blow their whistles whenever they passed each other. A new crewman asked his captain, "Hey, Pierre, why you do dat?" The captain looked surprised and replied, "Sacri Bleu, you dumb Cajun, your mother not read ta bible to you? You never hear of 'an aye for an aye an a toot for a toot' ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Pull Your Coupons Off Products Before Checkout Don't expect the cashiers at the checkout to pull coupons off of products for you. Some do but some do not. I have been disappointed several times about this. The coupon can most often be used on the next trip to the store but you lost a chance to use it right away. By Melody_yesterday from Otterville, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After the lecture, the speaker invited questions from the floor. "I'll hear first from the blonde lady in the front row," he announced but there was no response. Finally realizing all eyes were on her, the blonde lady spoke up. "I didn't know you meant me. I've only been a blonde since yesterday."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two elderly ladies had been friends for many decades. Over the years they had shared all kinds of activities and adventures. Lately, their activities had been limited to meeting a few times a week to play cards. One day they were playing cards when one looked at the other and said, "Now don't get mad at me . . . I know we've been friends for a long time, but I just can't think of your name! I've thought and thought, but I can't remember it. Please tell me what your name is." Her friend glared at her. For at least three minutes she just stared and glared at her. Finally she said, "How soon do you need to know?"

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Is online bill paying safe? 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Sunday, October 3, 2010

Greater things are believed of those who are absent. --- Publius Cornelius Tacitus Originality is the fine art of remembering what you hear but forgetting where you heard it. --- Laurence J. Peter Every nation ridicules other nations, and all are right. --- Arthur Schopenhauer Do not condemn the judgement of another because it differs from your own. You may both be wrong. --- Dandemis
In the high school gym, all the girls in the class were lined up against one wall, and all the boys against the opposite wall. Then, every ten seconds, they walked toward each other until they were half the previous distance apart. A mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer were asked, "When will the girls and boys meet?" The mathematician said: "Never." The physicist said: "In an infinite amount of time." The engineer said: "Well... in about two minutes, they'll be close enough for all practical purposes."
A loaded mini van pulled in to the only remaining campsite. Four children leaped from the vehicle and began feverishly unloading gear and setting up the tent. The boys rushed to gather firewood, while the girls and their mother set up the camp stove and cooking utensils. A nearby camper marveled to the youngsters' father, "That, sir, is some awesome display of teamwork ! What's your system ?" The father replied, "It's quite simple: No one goes to the bathroom until the camp is set up."
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Thanks to Cheryle for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. North Shore Hawaii
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Said Oruczadeh, 23, of Middletown, Conn. Man Says Cocaine In His Butt Isn't His A search of a 25-year-old man following a traffic stop Wednesday morning revealed one bag of marijuana and one bag of cocaine in the driver's buttocks, according to the Manatee County Sheriff's Office. The driver said only the marijuana belonged to him. Raymond Stanley Roberts was pulled over at 8:40 a.m. in the 500 block of 63rd Avenue East. Approaching the Hyundai, deputies said they could smell a strong odor of marijuana coming from the vehicle, according to the report. After writing a speeding ticket, one of the deputies asked Roberts if he smoked marijuana and when had he done it last. According to the arrest report, Roberts replied that he smoked the night before and there was nothing in the car. He then told the two deputies to search the car. While searching Roberts’ person, deputies felt a soft object in his buttocks. The report said Roberts then said, “Let me get it,” and pulled out a clear plastic bag of marijuana weighing 4.5 grams. He was then asked if he was holding anything else, and Roberts said no. Deputies then felt another soft object in the same area and pulled it out through the exterior of Roberts’ shorts. The object was a bag with 27 pieces of rock cocaine weighing 3.5 grams, the report stated. When the bag fell to the ground, Roberts immediately said, according to the report, “The white stuff is not mine, but the weed is.” He then stated that his friend had borrowed the vehicle before and he saw the cocaine on the passenger seat when he was pulled over. Roberts has been charged with possession of rock cocaine and marijuana. He was released Wednesday from Manatee County jail after posting a $1,120 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mark Re: How secure is bill paying over the net? Dear Webby, how safe and secure is bill paying over the net? Can one truly rely on it and not worry about it? I am talking about utility bills. Mark Dear Mark The bill paying part is quite OK. There is absolutely no worry about that. That has been figured out and automated many years ago, and works fine. The only problem you have to worry about is getting the bills in your email. Just like some ISPs censor the Humor Letter, some also censor utility bills. Set yourself a reminder, to go check online, if you did not receive the usual bills in email by a certain date. I learned that the hard way. The same, of course, also applies to paper invoices. Alberta Energy Corp, for example, finds it more convenient to send invoices to a collection agency, and trashing people's credit rating, rather than correcting an address mistake in their data base or have anybody stop by a residence. I learned that the hard way too! Just set a reminder to pay the invoices on-line at a certain date, no matter whether you actually received their invoice in your email. Have FUN! DearWebby
Worlds Best Compost Make the worlds ultimate natural fertilizer, colloidal humus, without bins, turning or odor. No toxic chemicals! Get Worlds Best Compost !
The drill sergeant making his morning announcements to a group of newcomers in a training camp, stated: "Today, gentlemen, I have some good news and some bad news. First, the good. Private Peters will be setting the pace on our morning run.' With this the platoon cheered, as Private Peters was a bit overweight and quite slow. But then the drill sergeant finished his statement: "Now for the bad news. Private Peters will be my driver in my new jeep."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Used Dryer Sheets to Wipe Down Dog I keep my used dryer sheets in a tissue box, and when my dogs come in from being outside (especially from the rain) I wipe them down with a dryer sheet. It still has some fragrance and removes loose hair. They smell better and it helps with shedding. It also helps dry them off if it has been raining. Just another way to reuse and recycle! By cdc343 from Cleveland, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
(Read this one out loud) Miss Addy asked , why was late. You see, at the ranch this here coyote it ate six hens and killed the goat. And last night when Pa heard a noise out in the chicken pen, he grabbed his gun and said, "That coyote's back again! Stay back, he told all us kids, I wouldn't want ya hurt! He was naked as a jaybird- no pants, no boots, no shirt! To the henhouse there he crawled, like an Injun on the snoop. Then he stuck that double barrel, through the window of the coop. As he stared into the darkness, with coyotes on his mind, Our ol' hound Zeke come asneakin'up behind. And cold-nosed Pa without no warnin'. We been cleanin' chickens since three o'clock this mornin'!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
MOODS OF A WOMAN An angel of truth and a dream of fiction, A woman is a bundle of contradiction, She's afraid of a wasp, will scream at a mouse, But will tackle her boyfriend alone in the house. Sour as vinegar, sweet as a rose, She'll kiss you one minute, then turn up her nose, She'll win you in rags, enchant you in silk, She'll be stronger than brandy, milder than milk; At times she'll be vengeful, merry, and sad, She'll hate you like poison, and love you like mad. MOODS OF A MAN Hungry, Horny, Sleepy (Not necessarily in that order)

» Planet Earth





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How to replace a laptop keyboard 



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Good Morning,  !
It's Saturday, October 2, 2010

"A man is called selfish not for pursuing his own good, but for neglecting his neighbor's." --- Richard Whately "When I sell liquor, it's called bootlegging; when my patrons serve it on silver trays on Lake Shore Drive, it's called hospitality." --- Al Capone
Sue has the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All she has to do is mention it to her husband and he says, "Let's go for Pizza!"
A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not nice to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to pee just tell me that you have to 'whisper'." The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, why don't you whisper in my ear."
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manua
Thanks to Robert for sending this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Looks like near Bryce Canyon, Utah
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Said Oruczadeh, 23, of Middletown, Conn. Toilet flush gives away burglars MIDDLETOWN, Conn. (UPI) -- Two burglars in Middletown, Conn., were nabbed after one of them was betrayed by an act of nature that led, naturally, to flushing a toilet, police say. A homeowner was pulling her car into the driveway of her house Wednesday around noon when she heard the sound of a toilet flushing, the Hartford Courant reported. She pulled out of the driveway to a spot nearby and called police. The woman then followed an intruder in her car, relaying information to police after he emerged from the house and took off on foot, the newspaper said. Police apprehended Said Oruczadeh, 23, of Middletown carrying $9,905 worth of jewelry and later arrested Derek Mandeville, 21, also of Middletown whom police claim is an accomplice. Both were being held on burglary-related charges, the Courant said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Donna Re: Replace laptop keyboard Dear Webby, The keyboard on my DELL laptop is shot. I got two key-caps that won't stay on, some have the letters worn off, and some getting unpredictable. I don't see any screws or any way to take the keyboard off, and don't have a clue, where to get a new one anyway. Help Donna Dear Donna Look on eBay for a keyboard for your model. Don't go with the first one you find, but cross-check with Amazon and PriceGrabber, and also DELL. Dell, won't necessarily be the most epensive, but usually is the slowest in shipping. Including shipping, expect to pay $15 - $30. Once you have the replacement keyboard, you need an old- fashioned thin razor blade, the paper thin type, not the thick type, and a small Philips screwdriver. Turn the laptop off before working on it. Use the razor blade to pry up the bezel around the keyboard. Then you see two or four screws. Remove those and lift the keyboard. you will see one or two flat cables plugged into it. While you got it open, you might as well vacuum the cavity. Wiggle those cables off the old keyboard and plug them the same way onto the new keyboard. Insert and tighten the screws, push the bezel back on, and you are done. As long as you don't drop the screws and have to go chase them, the whole procedue just takes a couple of minutes. Have FUN! DearWebby
Worlds Best Compost Make the worlds ultimate natural fertilizer, colloidal humus, without bins, turning or odor. No toxic chemicals! Get Worlds Best Compost !
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed by an old rancher. The rancher's prize bull was missing from the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull. The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the peace in the back room of the general store. The attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and tried to get him to settle out of court. The lawyer did his best selling job, and finally, even though the rancher insisted that a prize bull was worth five times what an ordinary bull is worth, he agreed to be satisfied with just half of what he was asking. After the rancher had signed the release and took the check and cashed it in at the store, the young lawyer couldn't resist gloating a little over his success, telling the rancher, "You know, I hate to tell you this, old man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn't have won the case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I didn't have one single witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!" The old rancher replied, "Well, I'll tell you, young feller, I was a little worried about winning that case myself, because that durned bull came home this morning."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Halloween Riddles Halloween fun for kids of all ages! Several years ago I collected about 25 simple, "easy-to-understand" Halloween riddles (available in joke books, online, etc.). I read 5 of them to my kiddos after dinner each Saturday during October. The first one to get the answer correct, got 5 "pumpkin" bucks. (Orange cardstock punched in pumpkin shapes with a "5" printed on each.) I added riddles to my list each year, and now have about 60 of them! Right before Halloween, I get some really cool items and hold an "auction". The kids use their pumpkin bucks to make bids! I've kept the sheets from the previous years to show which child got which riddles correct - it's so funny to see the progress of each, and it's really funny to see their excitement, especially when they think they KNOW the answers for sure, but come up with totally off-beat responses! By Caseye from Plano, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
There was this bank where the employees went on strike leaving the bank officers to do the teller's tasks. While the strike was on, Jane called the bank, and asked if they were open. They told her they had two windows open upstairs in the office area. Then Jane asked, . . . "I'm afraid of heights, couldn't you just let me in though the back door?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The judge read the charges, then asked, "Are you the defendant in this case?" "No sir, your honor, sir," replied Jill, "I've got a lawyer to do the defendin'. I'm the person who done it."

» The Maples





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Can JPG compession be reversed? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !

It's Friday, October 1, 2010
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Was month-end bad timing? Or is really not even ONE out of 
ten thousand readers interested in an easy and rock solid 
entrance to an online income?

I wonder if more of you would show an interest, if I write 
about Incredimail signatures and Bingo?

What ARE you interested in?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

The reason grandparents and grandchildren get along so well is that they have a common enemy. --- Sam Levenson A little nonsense now and then, is cherished by the wisest men. --- Roald Dahl
Jenifer's big formal wedding was fast approaching and she was delighted to hear that her Mom, Sheilah, just after a nasty divorce, had finally found the perfect mother-of-the-bride dress. Two days later, she was shocked to learn that her father's new wife, Fawn, had purchased the same dress. She asked her Fawn to buy another dress since her Mom had already altered hers to fit better. Fawn refused. After two more weeks of frustrating shopping, Sheila found a dress that was not as nice as the first, but would serve. When asked by a friend what she would do with her original dress, she grinned and replied, "I'm wearing it to the rehearsal dinner!"
Here is an old favorite about a kindly old gramma coming all the way from Florida to visit her kids and her experience with downtown traffic: "The other day I went to the local religious book store, where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I did. What an uplifting experience followed! I was stopped at the light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus. Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY love the Lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and yelled, "Jesus Christ!" as loud as he could. It was like a football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST, GO!" Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my two grandkids what that meant. They kind of squirmed, looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear him very well over all the honking, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," and "Move your grass." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must really love the Lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I noticed that the light had changed to yellow, and stepped on the gas. And a good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian good luck sign as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks."
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manua
Click through the picture to the large version. Going to be windy, but nice!
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Street-racing Ferrari and BMW impounded VANCOUVER — North Vancouver police have impounded a pair of hot wheels — a BMW and a $400,000 Ferrari — last weekend when officers pulled over two drivers clocked at about 200 km/h. The Vancouver men, 21 and 22, were stopped by North Vancouver RCMP Saturday when officers spotted them racing on a road popular among hikers, outdoor enthusiasts and families. Several motorists called in a dangerous driving complaints at 10:45 a.m. Moments later, the officer was stunned to see a sky blue Ferrari Scuderia streak past him, pursued closely by a BMW. Naturally, the RCMP caught them quickly. "They were penalized under the street-racing laws," said Cpl. Peter DeVries, spokesman for the detachment. "I think we probably saved their lives, if nothing else." Both men were handed close to $1,000 in fines and automatically lost their licences and vehicles for seven days. The man driving the Ferrari had been behind the wheel of the supercar - valued at $400,000 - for only a day before watching it loaded onto the back of the impound truck. Towing and impound fees are separate and in addition to the fines.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Chris Re: Revrse JPG compression Dear Webby, I noticed that a lot of sites compress their files, probably to make them load faster. That really reduces the qality. Is there any way at all to reverse the JPG file compression and restore the riginal quality? Chris Dear Chris No, there isn't. JPG uses a "lossy compression". It throws away pixels or dots, averages the rest, and makes the dots bigger. It does not keep any record of what color, saturation, or brightness those pixels had. They are simply throws away. JPG compression is a one way street. You can not reverse it. Have FUN! DearWebby
Worlds Best Compost Make the worlds ultimate natural fertilizer, colloidal humus, without bins, turning or odor. No toxic chemicals! Get Worlds Best Compost !
Two men came to my house to install some new floor covering in the kitchen. Once they had moved the stove and refrigerator out of the way, it was not long before the job was done. As they were getting ready to leave, I asked them to put the heavy appliances back in place. The two men demanded $45 for this service, stating it was not in their contract. I really had no choice but to pay them. Shortly after they left, however, the doorbell rang. It was the two men. They asked me to move my car, which was blocking their van. I told them that was not in the contract, but that I would gladly do it for $50.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Produce Containers For Mini Hothouses Use empty produce containers (like the ones that hold strawberries) for miniature hothouses. It's very useful for a small hothouse, or to start seeds in a small area. When the plants are big enough, just keep the lid open. I did it for my bean plants, and now they're thriving on my small balcony! By Davidicdancer from Spokane, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?" In one voice they all replied, "You, daddy."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Two neighbors, who had been rivals all their lives followed different career paths. One eventually became an Admiral in the Navy, the other went into the Catholic Church and became a Bishop. As fate would have it, they happened to meet at an Airport. The Bishop spied the Admiral first and said loudly, "Oh porter, from what gate is the flight to Dallas leaving?" The Admiral approached and said "Gate 7 Madame, but should you be traveling in your condition ?"

» Grimmace Baking





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Unkilled Hamburger 

Note To All Hunters:

This is from a San Francisco newspaper

Folks, just remember as you read this, this person probably drives & votes

AND, may have already reproduced.......

God help us all.......


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Easiest forms 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Thursday, September 30, 2010

I realize that most of you are independently wealthy, or on huge,
fixed incomes, and don't have terrifying staff payrolls to cover,
but there are probably a few of you, who could use some extra
income. If you like writing, check out Guest Blogging.

It's no hype or BS. Actually, it's more like an apprenticeship.
What you do is build yourself a reputation by posting your
wit and wisdom in places, where it is appreciated.

"Yeah," you ask, "Where ARE those places? Nobody around 
here appreciates what I got to say."

Read Warner Carter's famous "Guest Blogging For Profit".
If you can write a grocery list, he will take you from there
and tell you the rest, including places where to start. 
His book is under $10, an excellent value, that is not going 
to dent your budget.

On top of that, once you have read the book, you can 
become an affiliate, and promote that book. Hs deal is
not the 6 cents per thousand exposures that I get for 
banners, but he will send you the full sales price of every
second sale, that comes from your link. If both of your
grammas or two neighbors spend $9.97 on that book,
$9.97 winds up in your PayPal account instantly. 

Hmmm, how about them neighbors on the other side 
of the street? And all those relatives, who think they are
such hot writers every year before Christmas?

Yeah, there IS real money in that, but don't forget the 
book itself! DO apply what is in there, and DO post on
blogs and make yourself a good name. 

Why? Once you have a good and recognized name 
on the web, then what you say, has a lot more clout! 
Guest Blogging makes the difference between a silly
smart-ass and an authority. Warner Carter shows you
how to pick a niche, where you can quickly rise to 
become an authority.

Try that Guest Bloggng.
You can do it with very little investment of time.

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris
The following was overheard at a recent party... "My ancestry goes all the way back to Alexander the Great," said one lady. She then turned to a second woman and asked, "How far does your family go back?" "I don't know," was the reply. "All of our records were lost in the flood."
A Scout Master was teaching about survival in the desert. "What are the three most important things you should bring with you in case you get lost in the desert?" he asked. Several hands went up, and many important things were suggested such as food, matches, etc. Then one in the back raised a hand. "Yes , what are the three most important things you would bring with you?" asked the Scout Master. replied: "A compass, a canteen of water, and a deck of cards." "Why's that ?" "Well," answered , "the compass is to find the right direction, the water is to prevent dehydration..." "And what about the deck of cards?" asked the Scout Master impatiently. "Well, Sir, as soon as you start playing Solitaire, someone is bound to come up behind you and say, "Put that red nine on top of that black ten!"
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manua
Thanks to Robert for this picture: Click through the picture to the large version. Utah Waterfall
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Antonio Trujillo, 44,in Montgomery, Ill Man Charged With DUI, etc In Police Parking Lot Sep 29, 2010 (MONTGOMERY) A Montgomery man has been charged with drunken driving and other offenses after pulling into a police station parking lot and telling officers there was a man hiding in the back of his truck with a knife, Kane County prosecutors said Tuesday. Prosecutors said Antonio Trujillo, 44, was under the influence of alcohol when he arrived at the Montgomery Police Department at 6:30 a.m. Saturday with claims that his family was at home and in danger, and that an armed man was in the back of his pickup truck. Police said they did not find anyone in Trujillo’s vehicle, or anyone in danger at his home. But at Trujillo’s home, officers said they found drugs and a weapon. Trujillo was charged with drunken driving, felony possession of a controlled substance and felony possession of a firearm by a felon.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mara Re: Form on my site Dear Webby, I just have a small, low cost $5.50 sub-domain web site, and I need some simple forms, that don't need an Einstein to set up. Is there a low cost way of doing that? Mara Dear Mara First, I can let you have a sub-domain for $2.50, like for example http://mouse.webby.com , where you can do whatever you want. Form and auto-responder services like A-webber are probably way too expensive and probably too difficult to set up. However, just ike Mouse, you can use postcards! Set up a few postcards for fun and to send to clients and friends, (you don't have to make thousands like Mouse), and set up a card pre-wired to go to YOU! With an archive copy to go to the sender. That is your simple and easy form! Due to the poor economy, I can't donate the postcard service any more, but you can get a PRO for just $8 a month, a third of what those form servies charge. We also have a forms manager for $75 one time cost, but that may be a bit in the future for you. Have FUN! DearWebby
Worlds Best Compost Make the worlds ultimate natural fertilizer, colloidal humus, without bins, turning or odor. No toxic chemicals! Get Worlds Best Compost !
Two mothers were talking about their sons. The first said, "My son is such a saint. He works hard, doesn't smoke, and he hasn't so much as looked at a woman in over two years." The other woman said, "Well, my son is a saint too. Not only hasn't he not looked at a woman in over three years, but he hasn't touched a drop of liquor in all that time." "My word," the first mother said. "You must be so proud." "I am," the second mother replied. "And when he gets out of jail next month, I'm going to throw him a big party."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Produce Containers For Mini Hothouses Use empty produce containers (like the ones that hold strawberries) for miniature hothouses. It's very useful for a small hothouse, or to start seeds in a small area. When the plants are big enough, just keep the lid open. I did it for my bean plants, and now they're thriving on my small balcony! By Davidicdancer from Spokane, WA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ If you want to have sucess with small back yard or balcony farming with a minimal investment of time or money, check out Food Wealth. Avoid mistakes and focus on what works! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Mr. Smith was in his hospital bed and had been getting many tests done. After several days of hospitalization, a nurse finally came into his room and stated, "Mr. Smith, I have some bad news and some good news. Which do you want to hear first?" Mr. Smith solemnly replied, "Well, tell me the bad news first." The nurse said, "The bad news is that your HMO refuses to pay for you to have an enema. But, the good news is that your doctor authorized me, to spank the s**t out of you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Monday Afternoon Club, an organization of wealthy city women, met and decided that this month's outing was to be at a dairy farm. Most of them had lived in the city all their lives, and had never seen such a thing. The day came, and the ladies filed into the rented bus which whisked them off to their destination. On the way, they watched out the windows as the city squalor turned into lovely, unpolluted countryside. After they arrived, they were greeted by the farmer who invited them to look him up should they have any questions. Myrtle, after looking about, and being amazed by what she saw, stepped into a building and viewed something she thought was quite remarkable. She saw the farmer walk by and hailed him - he sauntered in. "Sir," she inquired, "Why doesn't this cow have any horns?" The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone: "Well, ma'am, cattle can do a powerful lot of damage with horns. Sometimes we keep'em trimmed down with a hacksaw. There are also some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a pig."

» R & R Oldies





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Vancouver Antiques 

A man walked into a Vancouver antique shop. After looking around for a while, he noticed a very life-like bronze statue of a rat. It had no price tag, but it was so striking that he decided to buy it anyway. He took it to the owner and said: 'How much is this bronze rat?'

The owner replied: 'It's $12 for the rat, and $100 for the story.'

The man gave the owner his $12 and said: 'I'll just take the rat, you can keep the story.'

As he walked off down the street, he noticed that a few real rats had crawled out of the sewers and begun following him.

This was a little disconcerting, so he started to walk a little faster, but within a couple of blocks the swarm of rats had grown to hundreds, and they were all squealing and screeching in a very menacing way.

He increased his speed & ran on towards the beach, and as he ran, he looked behind him and saw the rats now numbered in their MILLIONS, and they were running faster & faster. By now very concerned, he ran down to the pier and threw the bronze Rat far out into the water.

Amazingly, the millions of real rats jumped into the water after it and were all drowned.

The man walked back to relate all this to the shop owner, who said: 'Ah, you've come back for the story then?'

'No,' he said, 'I came back to see if you've got a bronze Muslim Fundamentalist Cleric, a couple of illegal immigrants, a Liberal Supporter, and anything French!'

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No background in Intenet Explorer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Ars Technica reported how the US government's drive for security 
back doors has enabled the Iranian government to spy on its citizens. 
"For instance, TKTK was lambasted last year for selling telecom 
equipment to Iran that included the ability to wiretap mobile 
phones at will. Lost in that uproar was the fact that sophisticated 
wiretapping capabilities became standard issue for technology 
thanks to the US government's CALEA rules that require all
phone systems, and now broadband systems, to include these 
capabilities."

Awww, now the poor Iranians have to put up with the same 
Big Brother surveillance as Americans. Don't you feel sorry
for them?

Have FUN!
DearWebby

"We cannot change anything until we accept it. Condemnation does not liberate, it oppresses." --- C. G. Jung "Any fool can criticize, condemn and complain - and most do." --- Dale Carnegie "The more you lose yourself in something bigger than yourself, the more energy you will have." --- Norman Vincent Peale
There was a boy of about 8 who was having a horrible time with his grades in school - math was especially bad. His parents tried everything, but nothing worked, so his parents ended up sending him to a school in Canada. Well, when report card time rolled around, his parents took it, and, with much trepidation, opened it little by little...and saw an A, then another A, and another...however, the final grade was the dreaded one - the mathematics... Well, they opened the page, and saw an A! Incredible! They asked their son what had brought the turnaround, especially in that troubling subject. He said, "Well, when I walked into the classroom, and saw that guy nailed to the plus sign, I knew they took their math pretty seriously."
A very beautiful, but not so bright lady schedules a three-hour session with her therapist, and all she wants to talk about is how the constant pressure of being a beautiful, desirable blonde is causing her migraine headaches. For two hours straight, she whines, and cries, and moans about how hard it is to be so sexy, while everyone in the world is jealous of her, and says mean things about her, and calls her dumb, and self-centered, and shallow . . . At the two-and-a-half-hour mark, the blonde suddenly stops in mid sentence and shouts, "Doctor! You're a miracle worker! I'm cured! My headache is gone!" The shrink sighs and replies, "No, it isn't gone . . . I have it now."
#1 Home Energy Savings Manual Save On Home Energy! Cut Energy Waste to the Bone. Lower Your Utility Bills by up to 50%. Learn how to apply Advanced Conservation Methods and Products to Your Existing Home. Makes solar, wind, and other renewable energy systems cost half as much! Get the #1 Home Energy Savings Manua
Gramma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Gramma's kitchen. "Now, where's my bucket and my water?" Gramma asked him. "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma" cried Johnny. "There's a BIG ol' alligator down there!" "Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!" "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
Click through the picture to the large version. A couple of blocks from here
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to two teenagers in Colorado Springs, CO Car thieves caught because they can't drive stick A couple of teenagers learned just how difficult it can be to operate a stick-shift transmission Saturday morning. Police quickly found a stolen purple Ford Explorer early Saturday when police noticed a similar-looking SUV lurching back and forth near Academy Boulevard and Platte Avenue. When police tried pulling over the SUV, two teens inside the vehicle tried running away. They were quickly caught. Police later learned the teens did not know how to operate a stickshift. The teens' names have not been released.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alex Re: No page backgrounds in IE Dear Webby, I bought a used computer. It works quite well, but in Internet Explorer the pages don't show page backgrounds, and the colors occasionally are way off, compared to what I am used to. With my graphcs program everything shows normal, so it isn't the video card or the monitor. I searched all over the net, but could not find a solution to that. How do I fix that? Thanks Alex Dear Alex, Go to CONTROL PANEL, ACCESSIBITY OPTIONS, then select the DISPLAY tab. Uncheck the USE HIGH CONTRAST checkbox. All background colors and font stability should return immediately. If not, reboot. That should take care of that. Have FUN! DearWebby
Last day for this offer! "The Cash Printer" will make some people a lot of legitimate cash. If you have a bit of time and need some real income, go for it! Get "The Cash Printer" !
Little Johnny watched, fascinated, as his mother smoothed cold cream on her face."Why do you do that, mommy?" he asked. "To make myself beautiful," said his mother, who then began removing the cream with a tissue. "What's the matter?" asked Little Johnny. "Giving up?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Recipes to Homemade Mixes I make homemade food mixes and store them in half gallon or gallon jars. Using a rubber band, I keep the recipe attached to the jar. The next time I have to make another batch, the recipe is readily available. Also, on the cards I have the cooking/baking instructions and any special notes. Keeping the recipes readily available makes it easier and faster for me to make the mixes. I also do this for homemade cleaning mixes that I use in my home. By mkymlp from NE PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A 93 year old man went to his doctor to get a physical. A week later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street with an attractive young woman on his arm. At the man's next visit, the doctor said, "I saw you with a lady the other day. You're really doing great, aren't you?" The man replied, "Just doing what you said Doc, 'Get a hot mamma and be cheerful'." The Doctor said, "I didn't say that. I said you got a heart murmur. Be careful." "Too late! I'm fine now!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"So, what's the matter?" asked one woman of her friend over coffee. "I thought you just got back from a nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband." "Oh, everything went wrong," the second woman answered. "First, he said I talked so loud I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon. "All that might have been all right; but then, to make matters worse, I ended up catching a lot of fish, and HE didn't!"

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Simple and secure network 



Zoom the font size for best readability   
Good Morning,  !
It's Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Is this British Logic?
ACS:Law in England spied on Sky Broadband users, 
who downloaded and or shared pirated porno,
and extorted money from them under threat of telling the cops,
and now complains about breach of privacy, because their
extortion racket was exposed, with plenty of proof, 
by a privacy advocacy group, who blew the privacy
of Thousands of porno thieves and extortion victims, 
just to expose the extortionist.

Details in today;s Bonehead Award

Have FUN!
DearWebby

Man is the only animal that goes to sleep when he's not sleepy and gets up when he is. ---Dave Gneiser A lot of people mistake a short memory for a clear conscience. --- Doug Larson
Little Johnny was talking to a couple of boys in the school yard. Each was bragging about how great their fathers are. The first one said: "Well, my father runs the fastest. He can fire an arrow, and start to run, I tell you, he gets there before the arrow!" The second one said: "Ha! You think that's fast! My father is a hunter. He can shoot his gun and be there before the bullet!" Little Johnny listened to the other two boys and shook his head. He then said: "Sorry, dudes... but MY DAD is the fastest. He's a civil servant. He stops working at 4:30, ... and he's home by 3:45!"
A passenger jet was suffering through a severe thunderstorm. As the passengers were being bounced around by the turbulence, a young woman turned to a minister sitting next to her and with a nervous laugh asked, "Reverend, you're a man of God, can't you do something about this storm?" And the minister said, "Lady, I'm in sales, not in tech support."
Make Spa Stuff for profit and fun! With an e-course for a hobby without stress, that will earn you some income no less, does not take much of your time. don't need a lab, your table is fine. You CAN Make Spa Stuff for profit and fun!
A woman was driving down the highway about 75 miles an hour, when she noticed a motorcycle policeman following her. Instead of slowing down, she picked up speed. When she looked back again, their were two motorcycles following her. She shot up to 90 miles. The next time she looked around, there were three cops following her. Suddenly, she spotted a gas station looming ahead. She screeched to a stop and ran into the ladies' room. Ten minutes later, she innocently walked out. The three cops were standing there waiting for her. Without batting an eye, she said coyly, "I'll bet none of you thought I would make it."
Yesterday's picture was actually of the Grand Canyon of Yellowstone. Click through the picture to the large version. High res 10" x 7.5" for printing
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to British porn thieves and extortionists and privacy activists Porn thieves exposed by privacy group From the e-edition of the London Metro news. http://e-edition.metro.co.uk/2010/09/28/
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Heather Re: Secure network Dear Webby, I live in between a few college dorms and it is a constant battle to keep freeloaders off my two machine network. especially since I am rather clueless about networks. Is there a secure and simple way to link two machines for occasional file transfer? Priority is on the SIMPLE. Thanks Heather Dear Heather, there sure is! You can get a cross-over ethernet cable and connect the two machines together, after making sure both use the same workgroup name. They probably do, but in case it doesn't work, that is the item to check. The other method is using Laplink and a USB cable. That software gives you complete control over the second machine, and you can even remotely run programs over there. It is really simple and easy, but the price of that luxury is not cheap. Laplink Gold is around $90. Laplink has been around for 25 years. Originally it was used to network computers via their printer ports. Now you can do it via USB ports, just like your keyboard. With either method, make sure you use a wired modem, not a wireless router modem. With a wired modem and a cross-over or laplink connection, nobody except you can get into your network. Have FUN! DearWebby
"The Cash Printer" will make some people a lot of legitimate cash. If you have a bit of time and need some real income, go for it! Get "The Cash Printer" !
As the bus pulled away, Cindy realized she had left her purse under the seat. She called the company and was relieved that the driver had found it. When she went to pick it up, several off-duty bus drivers surrounded her. One man handed her her empty purse, four typewritten pages and a bushel box containing the contents of her purse. "We're required to inventory lost wallets and purses," he explained. "I think you'll find everything there." As she started to put her belongings back into the purse, the man continued, "I hope you don't mind if we watch. Even though we all tried, none of us could fit everything into your purse. And we'd like to see just how you do it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Attach Recipes to Homemade Mixes I make homemade food mixes and store them in half gallon or gallon jars. Using a rubber band, I keep the recipe attached to the jar. The next time I have to make another batch, the recipe is readily available. Also, on the cards I have the cooking/baking instructions and any special notes. Keeping the recipes readily available makes it easier and faster for me to make the mixes. I also do this for homemade cleaning mixes that I use in my home. By mkymlp from NE PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two guys are out hiking. All of a sudden, a bear starts chasing them. They climb a tree, but the bear starts climbing up the tree after them. The first guy gets his sneakers out of his knapsack and starts putting them on. The second guy says, "What are you doing?" He says, "I figure when the bear gets close to us, we'll jump down and make a run for it." The second guy says, "Are you crazy? You can't outrun a bear." The first guy says, "I don"'t have to outrun the bear. I only have to outrun you."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon here and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A seaman meets a pirate in a bar, and take turns boasting of their adventures on the high seas. The seaman notes that the pirate has a peg-leg, hook, and an eyepatch. The seaman asks "So, how did you end up with the peg-leg?" The pirate replies "We were in a storm at sea, and I was swept overboard into a school of sharks. Just as my men were pulling me out a shark bit my leg off." "Wow!" said the seaman. "What about your hook"? "Well...", replied the pirate, "While my men and I were plundering in the middle east, I was caught stealing from a merchant and the punishment for theft in the middle east is the loss of the hand that steals" "Incredible!" remarked the seaman. "How did you get the eyepatch?" "A sea gull dropping fell into my eye.", replied the pirate. "You lost your eye to a sea gull dropping?" the sailor asked incredulously. "Well...", said the pirate, "...it was my first day with the hook."

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Technology Advances 


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Funny 


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Pinhead of the DAy 

Man Removes His Own Testicles With a Broken Bottle

Let’s say your business deal goes bad. Do you: A. Drink yourself into an oblivion, B. Skip town, C. Start turning tricks, D. Remove your testicles via a broken bottle. If you’re a troubled African engine oil salesman, you chose D. The salesman had collected money from customers towards the purchase of engine oil and then turned the money over to a friend. His friend neglected to provide the oil, but kept the funds. Unable to handle the stress of the soured deal, the man became traumatized.

First he took a big stone, threw it up in the air and allowed it to fall on his head, which led to serious head injuries. Then he jumped into a well. Finally, he cut his testicles out of the scrotal sacs with a broken bottle and flung them out of site. Rushed to a local medical center, the man underwent a four hour surgical procedure to repair the damaged sperm ducts. Medical professionals treating the man stated that he would have have bled to death internally if he hadn’t received medical attention immediately. His scrotum was still swollen, having used an unsterile object to cut out the testes.

On the bright side, the man will still be able to have sex, but obviously won’t be able to procreate. Luckily he’s married with three children. It’s believed that he’ll now be facing charges for attempted suicide. (Good idea, Africa. That will cure him of depression for sure.) When questioned about his behavior, the man stated, “I just got fed up with life. I had no money again and I became frustrated. That led to my actions.” Naturally the first solution one would think up in this situation is removing your testicles and throwing them out of sight…


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