Ponderables 

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day.
Teach a person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks and months.

Some people are like a Slinky-not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you shove them down the stairs.

Take a lesson from the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $800, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30?

In the ‘60s, people took acid to make the world weird. Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

Don't worry about old age -- it doesn't last that long.




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Some Halloween Limericks 

Wanda the witch, on her broom
swept through the town yelling "ZOOM!"
through a perchance of luck
never heard the big truck
and she zoomed on her broom to her doom.


"Gentlemen please, all be seated,
I don't want this to be repeated,
I've gathered you here
to announce, with a tear:
I've never once been trick or treated!"


A Halloween bash in my street
was a night that will never repeat
the spirits that come
were tequila and rum
and I ended up drunk on my feet!


A werewolf was skinny, a freak
with a huge gummy grin he did speak
so, never eat French
coz, as well as the stench
your teeth will fall out in a week!


I'm sorry, I know it's my fault
my Halloween sins I should halt
but the neighbours' kids here
pissed me off for a year
so I laced all their candy with salt!


Dracula wailed to the sky
"My job really sucks" was his cry
"bloody paychecks
and I'm so sick of necks
what I'd like is a nice apple pie!"


An Egyptian prince was a dummy
drank too much, became a rummy
when the grim reaper came
and called out his name
he cried and he wailed for his Mummy!


Yesterday I met a priest
he was sitting enjoying a feast
when I questioned his conscience
he said "stuff and nonsense"
and gave me the sign of the beast.


Folks who hate folks make me grin
they're such lovely people within
we don't need walpurgis
the truth it should urge us
we're all skeletons, covered with skin.


Tricking and treating's a prank
but somebody really should thank
the Gods for the candy
to dentists it's dandy
they laugh all the way to the bank!




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Relaxing Music poll results 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 31

Happy Halloween!
Leave some of the candy for the monsters!


OK, here, as promised, is the music suggested by subscribers.
Even the very worst one, if there actually IS a worst one,
is a thousand times better than the moronic screeching produced
by the British "scientists". They got about as close as they did
with their Gullible Warming insanity.

OK, here is the list, alphabetically:
Music                           Suggested by
1		Acker Bilk		-	Mare
2		Acker Bilk, On the Shore		-	Hanna
3		Aeoliah's "Angel Love"		-	Jim
4		Andra Bocelli et sa fille-Abad		-	Funk
5		Bach:  Toccata & Fugue in D minor, S. 565		-	Ric
6		Bach: Cantata, BWV 147, Jesu, Joy of Man's Desiring		-	Margee
7		Bach: Toccata & Fugue in F major, S. 540		-	Ric
8		Bach's air on a G string		-	Jacqui
9		Beethoven Symphony no. 6 in F major 'pastoral'		-	David
10		Beethoven-Fur Elise		-	Elsie (Not Elise)
11		Beethoven's Concerto #5		-	Jim
12		Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata		-	Jim
13		Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata		-	Melanie
14		Beethoven's Sixth Symphony		-	Richard
15		Butterworth's "Banks of Green Willow"		-	David
16		Christopher Cross 'Sailing'		-	Carl
17		Christopher Cross's Cool Change		-	Mellie
18		Claire de Lune         by DeBussy		-	David
19		Dances With Wolves" The John Dunbar Theme		-	Barbara
20		Eddy Arnold Country		-	Cora
21		Ferde Grof‚ - Grand Canyon Suite - III. On the Trail		-	David
22		Ferde Grof‚ - Grand Canyon Suite - V. Cloudburst		-	David
23		Fleetwood Mac Albatross		-	jacqui
24		Gheorghe Zamfir - Lonely Shepherd		-	Dianne
25		Greensleeves		-	Dianne
26		Handel:  Water Music Suites		-	Ric
27		Intermezzo" from Cavalleria Rusticano		-	Cay
28		Johann Pachelbel Canon in D Major		-	Dianne
29		K.D. Lang's Hallejujah		-	Eric
30		Mantovanni: Elizabethan Serenade		-	Dianne
31		Moonlight Sonata    by Beethoven		-	David
32		Mozart's Requiem in D minor   		-	Nofries
33		Mozart-The Marriage of Figaro		-	Anna
34		O Mio Babbino Caro", from Puccini's "Gianni Schicchi"		-	Bill
35		On the Moldau by Smetana		-	David
36		Osamu Kitajima: The Source		-	Ki
37		Pachelbel's Canon in D Major		-	Ruth
38		Pachelbel's Canon in D Major		-	Margee
39		Ravel's Bolero		-	Earl
40		ROSSINI William Tell: Call to the Cows		-	Carl
41		Samuel Barber - Adagio for Strings, op.11. Uncut		-	Richard
42		Schubert - Ave Maria		-	Nan
43		Schubert - Ave Maria sung by Bocelli		-	Barb
44		Schubert - Ave Maria sung by Pavarotti		-	Frank
45		Schubert's Serenade		-	Nina
46		Sibelius Finlandia		-	Tom
47		Song of Peace (Be Still My Soul)       from Finlandia by Sibelius		-	David
48	not on the net yet	Spencer Lewis recordings from Bethel, Vermont.		-	Dee
49		Sri Chinmoy		-	Mandy
50		StarsEnd		-	Cathi
51		Strauss - Radetzky March		-	DearWebby
52		Strauss Blue Danube Waltz		-	Fran
53		Strauss Farandole March		-	Alice
54		Strauss Kaiser Waltz		-	Frank
55		Strauss Vienna Waltz		-	Oscar
56		Strauss WienerWald		-	Ellie
57		Sunrise from the Peer Gynt		-	David
58		Swan Lake    by Tchaikovsky		-	David
59		Tchaikovsky: Swan Lake Waltz		-	Carol
60		The Moldau by Bedrich Smetana		-	Jean
61		Zen Radio		-	Ogden

It looks like Bach, Beethoven, Shubert and Strauss are definite favorites.

Let's keep this going!
If you come across something really nice to listen to, 
send me the URL, and I will add it, and every now and then,
I will post the updated list.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself. --- Mickey Mantle There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it. --- George Bernard Shaw
A modest man was in the hospital for a series of test. One of the last tests has left his system upset. Upon making several false alarms to the bathroom he decided the latest was another. But he completely filled his bed up with human waste and was embarrassed beyond anything he could possible face. Losing his presence of mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets and threw them out the hospital window. A drunkard was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on him. He started yelling, cussing and swinging his arms which drew the attention of the security guard. The security guard asked, "What's going on here?!?!?" And the drunk replied, "I think I just beat the crap out of a ghost!"
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

One afternoon a little boy was playing outdoors. He used his mother's broom as a horse and had a wonderful time until it was getting dark. He left the broom on the back porch. His mother was cleaning up the kitchen when she realized that her broom was missing. She asked the little boy about the broom and he told her where it was. She then asked him to please go get it. The little boy informed his mom that he was afraid of the dark and didn't want to go out to get the broom. His mother smiled and said, 'The Lord is out there too, don't be afraid'. The little boy opened the back door a little and said, 'Lord if you're out there, please hand me the broom'.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Erin Holdsworth, 28 in Auburn, Ohio Drunk and topless An Ohio woman appeared in court on Wednesday to answer to charges of leading police on a high-speed chase while allegedly drunk -- and definitely topless. The Daily Mail reports that officers in Auburn Township tried to pull over a car that was being driven erratically. Instead, the driver stepped on the gas as police gave chase at speeds of up to 128mph. Police eventually used spike-strips to blow out the tires, forcing the driver to pull over. And when the driver, 28-year-old Erin Holdsworth, stumbled out of her car with her hands in the air, cops were stunned -- she was wearing nothing more than a g-string, fishnet stockings and tennis shoes. Video shows that when they put her in the back of the squad car, Holdsworth became combative, kicking the glass partition between the seats. She is charged with operating a vehicle impaired (OVI), refusing a blood alcohol test, fleeing and eluding, criminal damage, driving under a suspended license, speeding and reckless operation.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Ellen Re: Wide monitor Dear Webby, I need a new monitor, and don't like the wide ones. The salesman at our local computer store told me, that the "antique" version is no longer available, "not even for old people", and tried to make me look stupid in front of my friends. Somehow I don't think he is right, and remember you saying, that regular monitor are still available. Ellen Dear Ellen Find out when that store is the busiest, then go there and call that lying idiot a #$%& LIAR, in front of everybody. STANDARD, 4:3 monitors are available all over the place. They are not antique, they are STANDARD in the business world. Industry and commerce don't put up with the lies of idiots, and they get exactly what they need. If you go to PriceGrabber, you can get 4:3 monitors for less than what the liars charge for sawed off wide-screen monitors. I use a Lenovo, that I am quite happy with, but I have seen DELL and HP and IBM and SUN monitors, that were just as good. Their profit margins are higher with the sawed off "wide screen" monitors, but if you need a standard monitor for working, insist on getting what you need, not what some lyiing loudmouth tries to con you into getting. Don't let them intimidate you! Have FUN! DearWebby
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A lady said to her friend, "My birthday is coming up and when people ask me what I want, I can't think anything." Her friend said, "I love giving homemade gifts. Which one of my children would you like?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Tyrone was visiting Leroy and discussing Leroy's problems with his wife when Leroy's doorbell rang. Leroy answered the door and was handed a paper which the deliverer said was a subpoena. Leroy showed it to Tyrone and asked him if he knew what it was. Tyrone said, "Dis here is a subpeena." "Wut is a sub-peena?" Leroy asked. "Well," said Tyrone, "dat's law talk. Yo wife is suing you for deevorce. We know dat 'sub' means 'unda' and 'peena' is Latin for 'penis', so - 'subpeena' means unda the penis which means she done got you by da balls."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A schoolteacher injured his back and had to wear a plaster cast around the upper part of his body. It fit under his shirt and was not noticeable at all. On the first day of the term, still with the cast under his shirt, he found himself assigned to the toughest students in school. Walking confidently into the rowdy classroom, he opened the window as wide as possible and then busied himself with desk work. When a strong breeze made his tie flap, he took the desk stapler and stapled the tie to his chest. He had no discipline problems with any of his students that term.

» Vintage Weenie







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Blame 

If I Had A Dollar For Every Time
Capitalism
Was Blamed For Problems Caused By The
Government
I Would Be A Fat Film Maker
With A Baseball Cap



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Screaming computer 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 30

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
One more day, then I will post the list.

The snow sure is coming down on the mountains. They are
all white now, and it doesn't warm up in daytime. I am still
hoping for a good Chinook, though, to blow away the leaves.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

When trouble arises and things look bad, there is always one individual who perceives a solution and is willing to take command. Very often, that individual is crazy. --- Socratex No matter what happens, somebody will find a way to take it too seriously. --- Socratex Nobody cares if you dance well. Just get up and dance. --- Socratex
One day, Gramma sent her grandson, Little Johnny, down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and ran all the way back to Gramma's house and into the kitchen. "Well now, where's my bucket and where's my water?" Gramma asked him. A frightened Little Johnny stammered, "I can't get any water from that water hole, Gramma. There's a BIG old alligator down there!" Gramma said, "Now, don't you mind that ole' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him." "Well, Gramma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

Thanks to Beth for this story: I did my nurse's training at a hospital in Liverpool, England. My fellow students and I had little money for meals, so we ate the awful food provided at the hospital complex. We often took our breaks in the kitchen, and sometimes kindly visitors would give us some of the treats they had brought for patients. One night a woman brought a pork pie to the kitchen and said to me, "Would you eat this up, love?" Delighted at the offer, another student and I devoured every crumb. Soon our benefactor returned, however, and asked, "Is me 'usband's pie 'ot yet, dearie?"
Thanks to Karolyn for this picture: Click through for the large version. When the Moose got the beer...
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Camerin Marie Britton, 25, Stolen Credit Card Used To Send Money To Jailed Boyfriend A Rogers woman was arrested for allegedly using a credit card belonging to a resident of the retirement community where she worked. Rogers Police arrested Camerin Marie Britton, 25, on Wednesday on charges of Fraudulent Use of a Credit Card, Theft of Property, and Abuse of an Endangered or Impaired Person. Britton is accused of using a credit card belonging to a resident of the Apple Blossom Retirement community on N. 22nd and sending more than $600 to her fiance who is incarcerated in Missouri. Britton WAS a health care worker at the retirement facility until her arrest.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Rick Re: Screaming computer Dear Webby, I had left an old computer at the cabin, so that I could use it for downloading pictures from the camera and burning them onto a CD. Wen we got to the cabin and I turned on the computer, instead of the familiar fan noises there was the most godawful screaching and screaming, like a cat was inside it and slowly getting sliced into little pieces by the fans. I turned it off and took the side cover off, but all I saw in there, aside from the circuit boards and drives, were dust bunnies. What wold cause that awful noise? Rick Dear Rick When the frozen machine starts up, the thin film of grease in the fan bearings gets pushed along into micro dunes that look like miniature fish scales under the microcope. Just like any old grease, it retains the stickiness that is intended to keep it on the job, but it loses it's lubricating qualities and creaks like an old outhouse door. The high speed creaking is what you heard and thought was an animal screaming in pain. Naturally that does not prolong the usable lifetime of that fan. Some of the more modern computers and power supplies don't turn on the fans until there is actual need for cooling. On older equipment, you have to either put up with the screaming for a bit, or else wait until the cabin and the computer warm up. The innards of the computer will come up to room temperature faster if you take the side cover off. Have FUN! DearWebby
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On her way back from the concession stand, Kendra asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Kendra nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A widow recently married a widower. Soon after the marriage she was accosted by a friend who laughingly remarked - "I suppose, like all men who have been married before, your husband sometimes talks about his first wife?" "Oh, not any more, he doesn't," the other replied. "What stopped him?" "I started talking about my next husband."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man was in the habit of carrying an umbrella wherever he went. Unfortunately, he broke his last good one. Looking at the six useless umbrellas in his umbrella stand, he decided to take them all in and have them repaired. On the bus on the way home, he picked up the umbrella that belonged to the woman sitting next to him, purely out of habit. She immediately cried, "Stop, thief!" and he surrendered the umbrella. Very embarrassed, he quickly got off the bus. The next week he picked up his repaired umbrellas. When he got on the bus with the six umbrellas under his arm, he just so happened to sit next to the very same woman. She gave him an icy stare and said, "Had a good day, huh?" ------------- That reminds me of an umbrella experience I had in Vancouver in the early 70's. It rains a lot in Vancouver, but I was new and was caught downtown in a real downpour. I ducked into the entranceway at Sears to escape the worst. While standing there I was idly reading the list of departments and the floors they were on. "Lost and Found Floor 12" caught my eye. So I went up there and asked if they had found my umbrella. "A black one ?" she asked. "Uh, yeah, a black one." I replied. "Telescoping or Gent?" "Uh, Gent." I figured, a hippie like me would naturally carry a gentleman's straight umbrella, not a weird one that might require readig instructions. The lady behind the counter groaned and left. A minute later she came back with a huge armload of black umbrellas. "Take your pick!" She didn't say anything about trying to find mine, just to take my pick. I did. The second one was perfect. No pinholes, smooth action, no rust specks, fine leather handle. Just as I was about to say something that it might be the right one, the lady told me: "Take a couple of spares. I got truckloads of them back there and hate carrying these back there again." I felt so sorry for her, I took the whole armload that she had dumped onto the counter. That made her smile ! Outside again, I gave a couple to the Hare Krishnas who were chanting in the rain and dancing like old drunks who had not noticed that the music had stopped. Then I spotted a mother with a baby carriage, so I ran after her and gave one to her and one to the kid. I had a great time, until I realized that I had given away ALL of the umbrellas. Back at Sears I told the lady at the Lost and Found the truth, and we had a good laugh about it. During the second armload the rain lessened and stopped and when the sun broke through the clouds, I was stuck with one umbrella. Since I felt silly carrying an umbrella when it didn't rain, I left it on the bus.

» Happy Cooker







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Small Town Life 

"My father is mayor of the town right now. It's a small town so eventually everyone gets to be mayor. They elected the mayor by radio last year. My dad was the fifth caller" - Jake Johansen



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75 Questions 

An old proverb says, “He that cannot ask cannot live”. If you want answers you have to ask questions. These are 75 questions you should ask yourself and try to answer. You can ask yourself these questions right now and over the course of your life.


1. Why not me?

2. Am I nice?

3. Am I doing what I really want to do?

4. What am I grateful for?

5. What’s missing in my life?

6. Am I honest?

7. Do I listen to others?

8. Do I work hard?

9. Do I help others?

10. What do I need to change about myself?

11. Have I hurt others?

12. Do I complain?

13. What’s next for me?

14. Do I have fun?

15. Have I seized opportunities?

16. Do I care about others?

17. Do I spend enough time with my family?

18. Am I open-minded?

19. Have I seen enough of the world?

20. Do I judge others?

21. Do I take risks?

22. What is my purpose?

23. What is my biggest fear?

24. How can I conquer that fear?

25. Do I thank people enough?

26. Am I successful?

27. What am I ashamed of?

28. Do I annoy others?

29. What are my dreams?

30. Am I positive?

31. Am I negative?

32. Is there an afterlife?

33. Does everything happen for a reason?

34. What can I do to change the world?

35. What is the most foolish thing I’ve ever done?

36. Am I cheap?

37. Am I greedy?

38. Who do I love?

39. Who do I want to meet?

40. Where do I want to go?

41. What am I most proud of?

42. Do I care what others think about me?

43. What are my talents?

44. Do I utilize those talents?

45. What makes me happy?

46. What makes me sad?

47. What makes me angry?

48. Am I satisfied with my appearance?

49. Am I healthy?

50. What was the toughest time in my life?

51. What was the easiest time in my life?

52. Am I selfish?

53. What was the craziest thing I did?

54. What is the craziest thing I want to do?

55. Do I procrastinate?

56. What is my greatest regret?

57. What has had the greatest impact on my life?

58. Who has had the greatest impact on my life?

59. Do I stand up for myself?

60. Have I settled for mediocrity?

61. Do I hold grudges?

62. Do I read enough?

63. Do I listen to my heart?

64. Do I donate enough to the less fortunate?

65. Do I pray only when I want something?

66. Do I constantly dwell on the past?

67. Do I let other people’s negativity affect me?

68. Do I forgive myself?

69. When I help someone do I think “What’s in it for me”?

70. Am I aware that someone always has it worse than me?

71. Do I smile more than I frown?

72. Do I surround myself with good people?

73. Do I take time out for myself?

74. Do I ask enough questions?

75. What other questions do I have?




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Mysterious Email Bounces 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 29

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
Two more days, then I will post the list.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"You don't have to hold a position in order to be a leader." --- Anthony J. D'Angelo "Whoever said you can't buy happiness forgot about puppies." --- Gene Hill "I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult." --- Rita Rudner
Thanks to Colin for bringing back this classic: Country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession. Like many young Men his age, the boy didn't really know what he wanted to do, and he didn't seem too concerned about it. One day, while the boy was away at school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy's room and placed on his study table four objects.. 1. A Bible 2. A silver dollar 3. A bottle of whiskey 4. And a Playboy magazine 'I'll just hide behind the door,' the old preacher said to himself. 'When he comes home from school today, I'll see which object he picks up. If it's the Bible, he's going to be a preacher like me, and what a blessing that would be! If he picks up the dollar, he's going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too. But if he picks up the bottle, he's going to be a no-good drunken bum, and Lord, what a shame that would be. And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he's going to be a skirt-chasing womanizer.' The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son's foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room. The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.. With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them. Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm. He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket. He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink, while he admired this month's centerfold. 'Lord have mercy,' the old preacher disgustedly whispered. He is going to go into politics!
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

As the crowded airliner is about to take off, the peace is shattered by a five-year-old boy who picks that moment to throw a wild temper tantrum. No matter what his frustrated, embarrassed mother does to try to calm him down the boy continues to scream furiously and kick the seats around him. Suddenly, from the rear of the plane, a man in a U.S. Marine Corps uniform is seen slowly walking forward up the aisle. Stopping the flustered mother with an upraised hand, the courtly, soft-spoken Marine leans down and, motioning toward his chest, whispers something into the boy's ear. Instantly, the boy calms down, gently takes his mother's hand, and quietly fastens his seat belt. All the other passengers burst into spontaneous applause. As the Marine slowly makes his way back to his seat, one of the cabin attendants touches his sleeve. "Excuse me, sir," she ask quietly, "but could I ask you what magic words you used on that little boy?" The Marine smiles serenely and gently confides, "I showed him my service stars and battle ribbons, and explained that I got them, because I had killed people, who did not behave."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17 in Kissimmee, Florida Pizza Robbers arrestedLeft their dope in motel fridge KISSIMMEE, Fla., Oct. 27 (UPI) -- Authorities in Florida said they arrested a couple who attempted to check back into their motel room an hour after leaving because they forgot their crack. The Osceola County Sheriff's Office said deputies were called to the Rodeway Inn on West U.S. Highway 192 near Kissimmee before lunch Tuesday when cleaning staff discovered several bags of crack cocaine in a room's freezer, the Orlando Sentinel reported Thursday. Deputies said the manager received a call from the room's former occupant while they were investigating, saying "she was on her way back to the hotel and wanted to pay for one more night and stay in the same room." Latasha Webb, 22, and William "Chino" Schulz, 17, were arrested upon returning to the motel. The arrest report said Webb told deputies "Chino sells crack cocaine and they both forgot the crack cocaine when they checked out of the room." Webb and Schulz were charged with possession of cocaine with intent to sell and possession of drug paraphernalia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From Marsha Re: Mysterious mail bounces Dear Webby Rob, my oldest and blondest brother, thinks he is so smart that he can improve on the way I set the mail up for him. Right now, he told me on the phone, he can mail out to anybody, but if he tries to reply or forward, he gets bounces. What did he do now ? And what do you recommend? Thanks Marsha Dear Marsha Most likely he has his mail set to "Send a copy to self" for forwards and replies. And because he doesn't read his own copies of the replies and forwards anyway, he has himself blocked with some spam control program. He should either take the checkmark off "Send a copy to self", or else stop blocking mail from himself. My recommendation is a diet that includes lots of Smarties. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young man who goes to a girl's house to pick her up for their first date. She shows him into the living room, then excuses herself to go to the kitchen to make them drinks. Looking around the room, the fellow notices a little vase on the mantel. He picks it up to examine it, and as he is looking at it, she walks back in. "What's this?" he asks her. "Oh," she says, "my father's ashes are in there." The young man turns beet red and is speechless as he gently sets the vase back on the mantle. "Yeah," the girl says, "he's too lazy to go to the kitchen to get an ashtray."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Refurbishing Candles If you have warped candles, dunk them in a pan of warm water to make them pliable enough to bend back straight. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A dietician was once addressing a large audience in Chicago. "The material we put into our stomachs is enough to have killed most of us sitting here, years ago. Red meat is awful. Vegetables can be disastrous, and none of us realizes the germs in our drinking water. But there is one thing that is the most dangerous of all, that causes more pain and suffering than any other product, and yet we all eat it. Can anyone here tell me what lethal product I'm referring to? You, sir, in the first row, please give us your idea." The man lowered his head and said, "Wedding cake."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Here's a little slice of golf history that you might enjoy. Why do golf courses have 18 holes - not 20, or 10, or an even dozen? During a discussion among the club's membership board at St. Andrews in 1858, a senior member pointed out that it takes exactly 18 shots to polish off a fifth of Scotch. By limiting himself to only one shot of Scotch per hole, the Scot figured a round of golf was finished when the Scotch ran out. I don't drink and don't play golf, but find those topics easy to joke about.

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Comcast spam problems 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 28
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Recommendations for relaxing tunes are still coming in.
I will post the list at the end of the month.

You can also go to http://accuradio.com
and pick a channel, that you like, for example Blue Grass or
Country or Classic or whatever you like. They are all free.
Then you can rudely BAN any nervous screecher and tune 
YOUR channel to YOUR taste. If you ban an artist, you will never 
hear that one again. 

You can also SKIP pieces, if you think that artist has other
stuff, that is good enough. That does not ban the artist.

In FireFox AccuRadio has a special tab at the left margin. 
There is no need to frantically wade through your 95 open tabs
to hunt for it for pausing it, when you get a Skype call or
when the boss wants to ask you something. That tiniy but 
special tab is always at the left margin.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The best car safety device is a rear-view mirror with a cop in it. --- Dudley Moore
A fellow computer programmer for a consulting group had designed some software for one of our largest accounts. He asked my help in putting it into operation. At first, he handled most of the work. Eventually, though, he asked me to help with the last phase of the training. When I sat down with one woman and told her I would be showing her how to make changes to the files, she sighed with relief. "I'm so glad you're teaching me instead of him." Surprised, I said that my colleague was far more experienced than I was. "Yes," she said, "but I feel much more comfortable with you. I get nervous around smart people."
YOU can do it! Make Money By Giving Away The Best Membership Software. Make 50% On All Product & Membership Sales. Super Easy To Make Money Because All You Have To Do Is Give Away Our Free Software. This Is A Massive Opportunity Of Making big bucks Every Month. CAUTION: You have to actually do it, not just envy those, who do it! It is a very low investment, and easy to do. YOU can do it!

At long last the good-humored boss was compelled to call Fisk into his office. "It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium you have to take your aunt to the doctor." "You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Fisk. "I didn't realize it. You don't suppose she's faking it, do you?"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Rodrekus Woods, 26, Anthony Lewis, 22, and Laddarian Hardy, 21. all from Forestdale, AL Pizza Robbers arrested Three men from Forestdale have been arrested for robbing a pizza delivery man at gunpoint according to the Jefferson County Sheriff's Office. The delivery man was directed to a false address in Forestdale in the 800 block of Forestwood Lane around 9:45 p.m. Oct. 23. When the delivery man arrived, he realized the address he had been given for the order did not exist. He then received a phone call to his cell phone that told him he had gone to the wrong address and should go around the corner of Forestwood Lane and Forestwood Drive to deliver the pizza. The pizza delivery man found the alleged customer in the 1500 block of Forestwood Lane and as he got closer, two other men came from behind and held him at gunpoint. The three men took the delivery man's wallet and the pizzas. The victim left the scene, returned to the pizza store and called 911. Jefferson County Sheriff's Deputies responded to the report and observed several males standing near a car in the 600 block of Forestwood Road, in the area where the robbery occurred. When deputies approached, the men ran inside a residence. Deputies brought the men from the house back to the driveway and observed a pizza box in the back of one of the cars parked in the driveway. After searching the car, deputies found that the pizza box in the car belonged to the same order that was placed as part of the robbery. They also discovered a handgun. Three suspects were identified as the robbers and were charged with first-degree robbery: Rodrekus Woods, 26, Anthony Lewis, 22, and Laddarian Hardy, 21. They are all from Forestdale. They were taken to jail with bonds of $25,000 each.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Diana Re: Comcast Spam Dear Webby, Both of us use a web based email. My sister, who gets all the spam, uses Comcast, and I use gmail. Will mail washer work for web based emails? I have tried Eudora which is ok but I like gmail web just fine. I have made filters for incoming mail to go into different folders when they come in. Haven't figure out how to do it on Comcast email. Diana PS Sorry to be such a pest, but you are so smart and I like to pick your brain when needed Dear Diana MailWasher works just fine with Gmail, and Eudora, of course. I don't see why it would not work with Comcast, after all, it's just another email address. MailWasher looks at the mail on the server, and washes it there, before you use the email program of your choice to work on it. You can even wash the mail on a whole bunch of addresses from the receptionist machine every hour on the hour, and then have a dozen or more people haul in their mail at five minutes past the hour. That method is popular at clinics, that have a big herd of doctors, who don't have time to clean their mail. Naturally, it makes absolutely no difference what email program each of them use, as long as the person, who is the guardian of the mail, uses MailWasher. Everybody else just sees their mail as usual, except with all the spam cleaned out. Comcast is a bit weird. They don't really understand mail or spam, and jump to some really wacky confusions. They censor legitimate mail but let really obvious spam go through. You definitely need MailWasher, if you have a comcast address. And if your daughter likes AngelWinks.net postcards, don't expect a birthday or Christmas card. Comcast will most likely block it. There is a lot of mail coming from that site, ya know. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During the weeks before Jill's wedding, she was terribly anxious about making some mistakes at the ceremony. The minister reassured her several times, pointing out that the service was not difficult and she will do just fine. "All you have to remember," he said, "is that when you enter the church you walk up the AISLE. The groom and best man will be waiting before the ALTAR. Then I shall request the congregation to sing a HYMN....then we shall get on with the ceremony. All you have to remember is the order in which those things happen and you can't go wrong." The happy day finally arrived, and the bridegroom waited nervously for his bride to appear. When she arrived and stood alongside him, he heard her quietly repeating to herself, "Aisle, altar, hymn, aisle, altar, hymn." Or, as it sounded to him, "I'll alter him!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Organizer Bucket Idea Four gallon square buckets fit inside five gallon round buckets. By putting the square one inside the round one, you have a center place for your potting soil and small spaces for the gardening implements and garden stakes. The four gallon diameter is 9 15/16 inches and the diameter of the five gallon is 11 inches approximately. You may have to play around with the different sizes, but if you have two at home that you can try out, why not? This would also work with boots in the center and umbrellas around the edges, tall and short dried flowers, or anything you want to keep handy and don't want to dig around for. Hope this helps! By Poor But Proud from Sweet Home, OR http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At the end of the semester, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Bob for this story: My mother was away all weekend at a business conference. During a break, she decided to call home collect. My six-year-old brother picked up the phone and heard a stranger's voice say, "We have a Marcia on the line. Will you accept the charges?" Frantic, he dropped the receiver and came charging outside screaming, "Dad! They've got Mom! And they want money!"

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My Wife 

GoAnimate.com: Wife Is Mad At Me by 3bneil

Like it? Create your own at GoAnimate.com. It's free and fun!



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Definition 

Ineptocracy (in-ep-toc’-ra-cy)
- a system of government where the least capable to lead
are elected by the least capable of producing,
and where the members of society least likely
to sustain themselves or succeed,
are rewarded with goods and services paid for
by the confiscated wealth of a diminishing number of producers.




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Solution for saving private files off a work machine 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 26

More recommendations for relaxing tunes came in today,
and a number of rather unflattering comments about
those "scientists" in England.
 
So far Beethoven seems to be in the lead.
Let's keep this going and see if there is a pattern.
I will post the list at the end of the month.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it. --- Michel de Montaigne What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson The only cure for grief is action. --- George Henry Lewes
From Anna Sometimes I wake up grumpy. Other times I let him sleep.
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A spammer had been feeling down for so long that he finally decided to seek the aid of a psychiatrist. He went there, laid on the couch, spilled his guts then waited for the profound wisdom of the psychiatrist to make him feel better. The psychiatrist asked him a few questions, took some notes then sat thinking in silence for a few minutes with a puzzled look on his face. Suddenly, he looked up with an expression of delight and said, "Um, I think your problem is low self-esteem. It is very common among losers."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dorothy O'Neil, 37, of Haverhill, MA Drunk woman asks for directions, ends up in jail A Haverhill woman is facing serious drug charges after asking a police officer for directions. Dorothy O'Neil, 37, of 285 North Broadway, first floor, was charged with operating under the influence of alcohol, illegal possession of prescription medication and trafficking in cocaine. O'Neil was being held at the Methuen Police Station on $5,000 cash bail pending her arraignment in Lawrence District Court tomorrow. Methuen police Lt. Jim Jajuga Jr. said O'Neil approached Sgt. Stephen Debs at about 11:30 a.m. Friday in the parking lot of Jacksons Restaurant at 478 Lowell St. and asked him for directions. "He (Debs) suspected that she had been drinking, based on the way she was operating her vehicle and the fact he detected a strong odor of alcohol on her. She was slurring her words," Jajuga said. "She kept taking her sunglasses on and off, and Sgt. Debs noticed her eyes were watery and bloodshot. He called for assistance and Officer Shaun Cronin arrived on the scene," he said. O'Neil was placed under arrest after admitting to having several shots of Malibu Rum earlier in the morning and failing field sobriety tests administered by the officers, according to Jajuga. During a inventory search of O'Neil's vehicle, the officers recovered a plastic bag containing a white powdery substance later determined to be cocaine. Jajuga estimated the street value of the 30 grams of cocaine to be $3,000. Police also discovered another clear plastic bag containing 23 prescription pills suspected of being Ativan, and a small unlabeled prescription bottle containing marijuana. O'Neil requested to be taken to the hospital and was later released and returned to the police station. Police impounded her pickup truck.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Aletta Re: Solution for saving pictures from work machine Dear Webby, Regarding the question from Mary about the pictures on her work computer, I was in the same position not long ago. All I did was email the things I needed to keep using from my work email address to my personal gmail address. Of course, since gmail is accessible anywhere all I had to do then was re-save the pictures or documents to my new computer. I don't know if this will work for her but it did for me. Aletta Dear Aletta Thanks! That is a very good suggestion. Hopefully she can sneak out to Gmail! Have FUN! DearWebby
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Bill and Bob, longtime golfing buddies, were involved in a match-play contest with the score "all-square" at the 18th tee. Bill slices his tee shot way left, and the ball finally stops on the cart path. Meanwhile, Bob smashes his first shot straight down the middle. "Oh well," says Bill, "I should get a free drop from there." "Heck no," says Bob, "We play the ball as it lies." And so Bill did. After dropping his opponent on the middle of the fairway, Bill took the golf cart to his lie on the concrete path. Sparks fly from the cart path, as Bill makes a few aggres- sive practice swings. Finally, Bill hits the ball off the cart path, leaving a miraculous shot only 3 feet from the pin. As the two meet in the fairway, Bob comments, "That was a great shot...what club did you use?" "Your 6 iron," says Bill.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Lint Brush To Clean Cutting Mat I do a lot of quilting. When I square up my blocks, I always have a lot of lint and little fabric pieces left on my cutting mat. I use a lint brush to get the mat fuzz free again. I also use both side of my cutting mat. By Gabriele from CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
The efficiency expert concluded his lecture with a note of caution. "You don't want to try these techniques at home." "Why not?" asked someone from the back of the audience. "Well, I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips to the refrigerator, stove, table and cabinets, often carrying just a single item at a time. 'Hon,' I suggested, 'Why don't you try carrying several things at once?'" The voice from the back asked, "Did it save time?" The expert replied, "Actually, yes. It used to take her 20 minutes to get my breakfast ready. Now I do it in seven."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Father Norton woke up Sunday morning and realizing it was an exceptionally beautiful and sunny fall day, decided he just had to play golf. So... he told the Associate Pastor that he was feeling sick and persuaded him to say Mass for him that day. As soon as the Associate Pastor left the room, Father Norton headed out of town to a golf course about forty miles away. This way he knew he wouldn't accidentally meet anyone he knew from his parish. Setting up on the first tee, he was alone. After all, it was Sunday morning and everyone else was in church! At about this time, Saint Peter leaned over to the Lord while looking down from the heavens and exclaimed, "You're not going to let him get away with this, are you?" The Lord sighed, and said, "No, I guess not." Just then Father Norton hit the ball and it shot straight towards the pin, dropping just short of it, rolled up and fell into the hole. It WAS A 420 YARD HOLE IN ONE! St. Peter was astonished. He looked at the Lord and asked, "Why did you let him do that?" The Lord smiled and replied, "Who's he going to tell?

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Saving pictures from the work machine 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 26


I got quite a few recommendations for relaxing tunes, 
but so far not a single one has shown up twice. 
However, every one of those suggestions is a number
of classes better than the crap those "scientists" 
came up with.

Let's keep this going and see if there is a pattern.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married." --- H.L. Mencken The more devices we invent for dominating nature, the more we must serve them if we are to survive. --- Socratex
When I attended a convention once of oil men, the first speaker was from Texas. He rambled on about crap for a good half hour and then introduced the next gent, who happened to be from Oklahoma. The Texas man said, "Oklahoma, an outlying province of Texas." The second speaker said, "Thank you, Mr. Smith, but, just to set the record straight, there ain't NO state that can out-lie Texas."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A couple just started their Lamaze class and they were given an activity requiring the husband to wear a bag of sand - to give him an idea of what it feels like to be pregnant. The husband stood up and shrugged saying, "This doesn't feel so bad." The instructor then dropped a pen and asked the husband to pick it up. "You want me to pick up the pen as if I were pregnant, the way my wife would do it?" the husband asked. "Exactly," replied the instructor. To the delight of the other husbands, he turned to his wife and said, "Honey, pick up that pen for me."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Alexandrea Brooks, Atlanta, GA Woman steals 26 boxes of condoms, ovulation test Shoplifting cases are usually forgettable, but a Cobb arrest warrant issued Thursday is pregnant with intrigue. According to Cobb police, a woman identified as Alexandrea Brooks infiltrated the Walgreens at 3033 Johnson Ferry Road in Marietta and made off with 26 boxes of condoms and an ovulation test. And a box of Huggies baby wipes. Total value of paradoxical purloined prophylactics: $562.68. Walgreens workers saw Brooks enter the store Sept. 11, fill a shopping basket with condoms and march out the front door. She got into a vehicle, and the driver took off, but not before workers wrote down a tag number. Police eventually tracked down the driver, who gave police Brooks’ name. Brooks is an old hand at shoplifting, according to multiple Cobb warrants. And in 2009, she was charged with battery for head butting a man several times, causing his face and nose to swell.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary Re: Saving pictures from work machine Dear Webby, We are getting new computers at work in about 2 weeks. Yay!!! However, not being computer savvy like some people, I don't know what to do about this problem. I have quite a few pictures saved on the computer in MY PICTURES. Is there any way to save them without too much trouble?? I am not even sure how to save them to disk, if I could. I can't use any programs to upload the pictures. Can you help me please??? Thanks. I always read and love your newsletter. mary Dear Mary Hopefully your new computers will not be Windows7, otherwise there will be lots of cussing and swearing and a lot less work getting done. Burning pictures onto CD or DVD or a removable hard drive on a work computer is generally frowned upon. From the distance, they can't tell, whether you are taking secret company data home, or whether you have used the company computer to surf the net and collect porno, or what. Since you are not allowed to upload the pictures, the only option you have is to email them to somebody like me, and I will upload them onto a site for you, so that you can save them into the new computer. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The other day I needed to call home, but the only pay phone I could find was in use. So I stood to the side and politely waited until it was free, thinking it would only be a couple of minutes. Five minutes went by, and still the man was on the phone. He was just standing there, not saying a word. Another five minutes went by, and he still wasn't talking. Finally, I tapped him on the shoulder and asked if I could use the phone. I really wouldn't be long, but needed to make an important call. "Hold your horses," he responded, covering the receiver. "I'm talking to my wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Give Each Child Their Own Color I have four kids in my house. To make things easier, each kid has their own color (green, blue, red, pink/yellow). we have three boys and a girl. Most things come in green, blue, red, and yellow like plates, bowls, cups, tooth brushes, etc. Our only girl likes the color pink, but most of the time I can't find pink so I get her yellow. That is why her color is pink/yellow. The main reason for the color system was when the kids were done eating dinner they all wanted dessert. The rule is "you have to finish what is on your plate to get dessert". There was always one plate that was left with food still on it, but each kid said, "That's not my plate! I ate all mine!" I never knew whose it was, but with the color system, NOW I know. These days, everything in our house comes in colors. By runningonempty1971 from Columbus, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The Doc fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. Doc says, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a garden hose the past 2 years....!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"I play golf in the low 80's," the little old man was telling one of the young boys at the club. "Wow," said the young man, "that's pretty impressive." "Not really," said the little old man. "Any hotter and I'd probably have a stroke."

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Daily picture sized for wallpaper 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 25

A British band and a group of scientists have made the most 
relaxing tune in the history of man, an Mp3 of which is at the 
bottom of this article.

Sound therapists and Manchester band Marconi Union compiled 
the song. Scientists played it to 40 women and found it to be more 
effective at helping them relax than songs by Enya, Mozart and 
Coldplay. Weightless

Well, personally, I think one would probably need to drink 
warm English beer, and lots of it, to find that caterwauling
relaxing. Those "scientists" seem to have been smoking the 
same rope as the ones, who cooked the stats to come up with
the Gullible Warming hoax. You listen to it, and tell me!

If you know of any piece of music, that you find the most
relaxing, please tell me, and I'll see if any one piece of
music is selected by more than one person.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain
Jill, in the personnel office received an email requesting a listing of the department staff broken down by age and sex. She sent this reply... "Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one broken down by age or sex. However, we do have a few alcoholics."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

Thanks to Bob for this story: Five years after my wife and I were married, we received our final wedding gift -- an ice-cream maker. In an attempt to cover procrastination with humor, the friend who sent it included a note: "I wanted to make sure the marriage would last." She wasn't amused, but did think the present deserved a thank-you note anyway, which she dutifully sent five years later. Her note read: "I wanted to be sure the ice-cream maker worked."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Dale Foughty, 56 in Jacksonville, NC Flakey Spiderman JACKSONVILLE, North Carolina — A note to would-be crooks channeling their favorite superheroes: Just because you're wearing the mask, it doesn't mean you have super powers. Authorities in North Carolina say a sword-wielding bandit wearing a Spider-Man mask walked into a convenience store Wednesday morning and demanded money. The Onslow County Sheriff's Office says the clerk pulled out a broom and poked the suspect in the stomach. A second clerk joined in the struggle. When he was overpowered, the two women were able to rip off his mask, as well as part of his ponytail.The Sheriff's deputies found him at a nearby home. “The suspect had shaved off his hair,” the release said. “His hair was all over the table in the living room, but the suspect was unable to get rid of the lumps on his head that were left by the broom handles. “It was quite noticeable … that he was very sore as a result of his encounter with the store clerks.” Fifty-six-year-old Dale Foughty faces several charges. He is jailed under $10,000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Richard Re: Picture for wallpaper Webby -- Thanks for making my day fun -- every day! Do you have a larger format version of today's photo available? If so, I'd like to use if for wallpaper on my screen. Thanks again! Richard Dear Richard Click through the picture, just like it says underneath. You will get the standard wallpaper size of 1024x768 If you use a higher resolution, Windows will adjust it from the standard wallpaper size. Have FUN! DearWebby
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"I'm sorry sir, we don't have any African Violets in stock. We don't carry them at this time of year. Perhaps a nice potted geranium?" "No," replied Kevin rather sadly, "It was African Violets that my wife told me to water while she was gone."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Season Frozen French Fries To spice up frozen french fries, open the bag and add salt, pepper, paprika and garlic powder into the bag. Give the bag a quick shake and bake. The fries are coated evenly and taste better than the plain ones. It's fast and easy. If the bag is a resealable one, wash the bag and it can be reused for something else later. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
To impress his date, the young man took her to a very chick Italian restaurant. After sipping some fine wine, he picked up the menu and studied it with an appraising eye. "We'll have the Giuseppe Spomdalucci," he said finally. "Sorry, sir," said the waiter. "That's the owner. The food starts on the next page."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Vinny for this story: I was nervous the night my husband and I brought our three young sons to an upscale restaurant for the first time. My husband ordered a bottle of wine with the meal. When the server brought it, our children became quiet as she began the ritual uncorking. She poured a small amount for me to taste, and then our six-year-old piped up, "Mom usually drinks a LOT more than that!"

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MailWasher and Outlook 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 24

There is nothing I can do about Ezinefinder's server problems.
They are not on a Webby server, and completely independent
on some Mac server on the Westcoast somewhere.

I wrote to them Saturday and Sunday, but maybe they are 
away for the weekend. 

Since it affects all newsletters the same, it's not tragic.
I usually place more value on letters from you than on votes
anyway.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Take everything you like seriously, except yourselves. --- Rudyard Kipling Talent hits a target no one else can hit; Genius hits a target no one else can see. --- Arthur Schopenhauer
Every morning for years, at about 11:30, the telephone operator in a small Sierra-Nevada town received a call from a man asking the exact time. One day the operator summed up nerve enough to ask him why the regularity. "I'm foreman of the local sawmill," he explained. "Every day I have to blow the whistle at noon so I call you to get the exact time." The operator giggled, "That's really funny," she said. "All these years we've been setting our clock by your whistle.
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
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One day in heaven, St.s Peter, Paul and John were standing around the paddocks watching the horses frolic. " I am certainly bored" stated John "Me too" answered Paul Peter stood and watched the horses "I know" Peter began "Why dont we have a horse show?" Paul and John thought the idea was Great, except for one small detail... Paul pointed out. "Who are we to compete against?" The trio pondered the moment when Peter realized the answer. "We will call up Satan and invite him to the show." "I mean, we have all of the finest horses here in heaven. All the world champions and national champions are here. His stable is filled with the spoiled, difficult, and mean horses. We are certain to win at the show." And so the trio called up Satan on "The Other Realm" communication line and invited him to their show. Satan laughed and asked why they would want to be humiliated like that? He would certainly beat them. Peter, Paul and John did not understand. "What do you mean Satan?" Peter asked "We have all the national and world champion horses in our stable. How could you possibly beat us?" Satan paused a moment and laughed. "Have you forgotten so soon gentlemen?" " I have ALL the Horse Show Judges!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to two parents who let 9 year olds drive Lori Rogers, 36 in Grand Junction, Colorado No Mugshot available anywhere According to a NBC9 News in Colorado, a mom has been accused of letting her 9-year old daughter drive to McDonald's. Grand Junction police say that 36-year-old Lori Rogers let her 9-year-old daughter drive miles across town, reportedly stopping at a McDonald's and even going through the drive-thru. Bizarre? We thought so. But it gets worse. Apparently, Rogers' 10-month-old baby was also in the backseat. The thought process is baffling to us. But to the 9-year-old driving? Well, things must be a lot simpler. In the daughter's estimation, as she told one witness, she was "simply learning how to drive." In any case, when police showed up to the McDonald's they saw that Rogers had moved back to the front seat. It was determined that she was suffering from some sort of mental or physical disorder, and the appropriate actions were then taken to ensure she was taken care of. Police say 36-year-old Lori Ann Rogers was cited on suspicion of two counts of permitting an authorized minor to drive, four counts of child abuse, four counts of reckless endangerment and two counts of operating an UN-INSURED vehicle. ---------------- Meanwhile in Michigan: Shawn Weimer, 39, of Brownstown DETROIT, Oct. 18 (UPI) -- Police in Michigan said a 9-year-old girl who was pulled over while driving for her drunken dad told officers she had been "driving good." Brownstown Township police said they received a call about 2:46 a.m. Oct. 8 from someone who had seen the young girl get into the driver's seat with her father, who appeared intoxicated, in the passenger's seat at a Citgo gas station, the Detroit Free Press reported Tuesday. The witness followed the vehicle until it was pulled over by an officer. "She was doing fine," Detective Lt. Robert Grant said. "And, in fact, as heinous as this is, the little girl looks at the police officer and says, 'What did you stop me for? I was driving good.' Incredible. Obviously, the officer told her she was too young to drive." Shawn Weimer, 39, of Brownstown Township was arrested on charges of felony second-degree child abuse and misdemeanor fourth-degree child abuse. He was also charged with being a habitual offender. Weimer, who the girl said had been drinking whiskey all night, told officers he was teaching his daughter to drive. "He was argumentative with us, that it was his right to teach his daughter how to drive," Grant said. Weimer, who refused a breath test, has previous convictions for receiving and concealing stolen property, unarmed robbery, felon in possession of a firearm and felony firearm. He was also convicted of operating while impaired by liquor in an October 2007 crash in Wyandotte, Mich.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: How to use MailWasher Dear Webby: I need your help. I used mailwasher successfully with several email programs. Microsoft Outlook is now installed and I would like to use mailwasher with this software. What needs to be done to make it work? Sig Dear Sig 1) Set the address, that you want to wash, into the MailWasher accounts. 2) Set Outlook to NOT automatically check mail every so often. 3) Tell MailWasher that your currently favorite email client is Outlook. That's all there is to it. MailWasher will check and wash the mail and show you the list of what is left for a final glance. You may add another letter or two to the to be deleted list, or take the Delete checkmark off one. When all is as it should be, hit F6 MailWasher then does the washing and hands the baton over to Outlook. Depending on the version of Outlook you got, it will take the hint and download the washed mail, or it will just open and sit there looking silly. In that case, hit the CHECK MAIL button. Since all the spam has already been nuked, that will go fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Traveling through New England, a motorist stopped for gas in a tiny village. "What's this place called?" he asked the station attendant. "All depends," the native drawled. "Do you mean by them that has to live in this dad-blamed, moth-eaten, dust-covered dump, or by them that's merely enjoying its quaint and picturesque rustic charms for a short spell ?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chore Jar for Kids to Earn Extra Money I have two children who love toys, just like any other child. We have given them an allowance since the age of 4, for which they have to earn by performing chores. With this money, they are allowed to purchase a new or used item once a month. We believe this helps instill the lesson of saving money and budgeting. The oldest kid once saved enough money to buy a Nintendo DS which was over $100 at the time. He was only in the 1st grade. The children have a job jar which has slips of paper with job assignments and the money value written on them which gives them the opportunity to earn extra money if they wish. There is a maximum amount of $25 that they may earn weekly. This helps teach them that if they want extra money they have to work extra hard for it. Please note, that not every chore is something they will be paid for. There are chores that they do that are called "family chores" because it is something that benefits the entire family and everyone in the household does it. Source: Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At our local funeral home families are given the chance to chose the music they would like to enter the service to. One family asked to enter to Elvis Presley's hit, "Love me Tender." The day of the funeral arrived and the music was started ready for the family to walk in to the service. Unfortunately the wrong track number was entered into the CD player, and the family found themselves walking in to, "Return to Sender."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A guy took his girl friend to her first football game. They had great seats right behind their team's bench. After the game, he asked her how she liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," she replied, "especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I just couldn't understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, her date asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, I saw them flip a coin and one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: 'Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!' Hel-LLLO! It's only 25 cents! I'd hate to think what they'd do, if it was a whole DOLLAR!

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How to use MailWasher? 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 23

As I am writing this, it is 2 degrees below freezing out.
I will be wearing my warm jacket when I go look for the
falling stars later on. They are due shortly after moonrise.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers Nobody in the game of football should be called a genius. A genius is somebody like Norman Einstein. --- Joe Theismann "Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn from the experience of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." --- Douglas Adams
Ma and Pa were two hillbillies living in West Virginia out on a farm up in the hills. Pa has found out that the hole under the outhouse is full. He goes into the house and tells Ma that he doesn't know what to do to empty the hole. Ma says, "Why don't you go ask the young'n down the road? He must be smart 'cause he's a college gradjyate." So Pa drives down to the neighbor's house and asks him, "Mr. College gradjyate, my outhouse hole is full, and I don't know what to do to empty it." The young one tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it's in the air the second one will then go off and spread the poop all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole." Pa thanks the neighbor, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. He goes home and puts them under the outhouse. He then lights them and runs behind a tree. All of a sudden, Ma comes running out of the house and into the outhouse! Off goes the first stick of dynamite ..... shooting the outhouse into the air. BOOM! Off goes the second stick of dynamite ..... spreading poop all over the farm. WHAM! The outhouse comes crashing back down atop the hole. Pa races to the outhouse, throws open the door and asks, "Ma, are you all right??!!" As she pulls up her pants, she says... "Yeah, but I'm sure glad I didn't fart in the kitchen. -------------------------- When I was living in the bush in the Yukon, dynamite was indeed the solution every winter. However, like most outhouses there, mine was on skids and easy to hitch up to a dog team and tow over a "fixed" hole. When the temperature does not rise above -30 for weeks, the contents of a hole don't slump down and level out, but build a very annoying pyramid. The easiest way to bust that pyramid is to tow the outhouse a few feet away, and toss some explosives into the hole. Dynamite had already gone out of fashion by then, and Pillow-Packs were a favorite for that chore. Pillow-Packs were 6"x6" pillows of plastic explosives mixed with metal shavings. They exploded quickly enough, so that they did not need enclosures, like dynamite or black-powder needs, and the metal shavings worked just fine in shredding the pyramid. Then it was just a matter of towing the outhouose back over the "fixed" hole.
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

This 85-year-old couple, having been married almost 60 years, died in a car crash. They had been in good health the last 10 years, possibly due to her interest in health food and exercise. When they reached the pearly gates, St. Peter took them to their mansion, which was decked out with a beautiful kitchen, master bath suite and Jacuzzi. As they oohed and aahed, the old man asked Peter how much all this was going to cost. "It's free," Peter replied. "This is Heaven." Next they went out back to survey the championship golf course in the backyard. They would have golfing privileges every day, and each week the course would change to a new one, representing the great golf courses on Earth. The old man asked, "What are the greens fees?" Peter's reply, "This is Heaven -- you play for free." Next they went to the clubhouse and saw the lavish buffet lunch with the cuisines of the world laid out. "How much to eat?" asked the old man. "Don't you understand yet? This is Heaven, it's FREE!" Peter replied with some exasperation. "Well, where are the low-fat and low-cholesterol tables?" the old man asked timidly. Peter lectured, "That's the best part -- you can eat as much as you like of whatever you like and you never get fat and you never get sick. This is Heaven." With that the old man went into a fit of anger, throwing down his hat, stomping on it, and shrieking wildly. Peter and his wife both tried to calm him down, asking him what was wrong. The old man looked at his wife and said, "This is all your fault. If it weren't for your blasted bran muffins, I could have been here 10 years ago!"
Click through for the large version.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, Chamblee, Georgia Bond returns Scammer A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. A former Chamblee Police Department employee was indicted Thursday for altering traffic citations to get refunds for the offenders, then keeping the money herself. Bobbi Jean Farrell, 34, is charged with racketeering, two counts of falsifying official documents and four counts of theft by taking for filching about $3,000 over a three-month period. Between April and June of this year, Farrell is accused of changing citations to show that prosecutors dropped charges, and subsequently creating bogus city bond refund forms to return cash deposited for bail back to the offenders, according to the indictment. She then intercepted checks cut for each of the offenders and deposited the money into her own bank account. “She would target Hispanic offenders,” the chief said. When applying for a refund, offenders could opt to pick up the money or request a check be mailed. Johnson said Farrell would put her address on the applications then sign her name to the checks before depositing them. He said she stole as many as seven checks, although the indictment only accounts for four.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sig Re: How to use MailWasher Dear Webby: I need your help. I used mailwasher successfully with several email programs. Microsoft Outlook is now installed and I would like to use mailwasher with this software. What needs to be done to make it work? Sig Dear Sig 1) Set the address, that you want to wash, into the MailWasher accounts. 2) Set Outlook to NOT automatically check mail every so often. 3) Tell MailWasher that your currently favorite email client is Outlook. That's all there is to it. MailWasher will check and wash the mail and show you the list of what is left for a final glance. You may add another letter or two to the to be deleted list, or take the Delete checkmark off one. When all is as it should be, hit F6 MailWasher then does the washing and hands the baton over to Outlook. Depending on the version of Outlook you got, it will take the hint and download the washed mail, or it will just open and sit there looking silly. In that case, hit the CHECK MAIL button. Since all the spam has already been nuked, that will go fast. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The new family in the neighborhood overslept, and their six- year-old daughter missed her school bus. The father, though late for work, had to drive her if she'd direct him to the school. They rode several blocks before she told him to turn the first time, several more before she indicated another turn. This went on for 20 minutes - but when they finally reached the school, it proved to be only a block from their home. The father, much annoyed, asked his daughter why she'd led him around in such a circle. The child explained, "That's the way the school bus goes, Daddy. It's the only way I know."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chore Jar for Kids to Earn Extra Money I have two children who love toys, just like any other child. We have given them an allowance since the age of 4, for which they have to earn by performing chores. With this money, they are allowed to purchase a new or used item once a month. We believe this helps instill the lesson of saving money and budgeting. The oldest kid once saved enough money to buy a Nintendo DS which was over $100 at the time. He was only in the 1st grade. The children have a job jar which has slips of paper with job assignments and the money value written on them which gives them the opportunity to earn extra money if they wish. There is a maximum amount of $25 that they may earn weekly. This helps teach them that if they want extra money they have to work extra hard for it. Please note, that not every chore is something they will be paid for. There are chores that they do that are called "family chores" because it is something that benefits the entire family and everyone in the household does it. Source: Dave Ramsey's Financial Peace Jr. By linex_4 from San Antonio, TX http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: After enlisting in the 82nd Airborne Division, I eagerly asked my Recruiter what I could expect from jump school. "Well," he said, "its three weeks long." "What else," I asked. "The first week they separate the men from the boys," he said. "The second week, they separate the men from the fools." "And the third week?" I asked. "The third week, the fools jump."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A man learned shortly before quitting time that he had to attend a meeting. He tried unsuccessfully to locate his car-pool members to let them know that he would not be leaving with them. Hastily he scribbled a message to one fellow and left it on his desk: "I have a last-minute meeting. Leave without me. Dave." At 7:00 p.m., the man stopped at his desk and found this note: "Meet us at the bar and grill across the street. Today is Wednesday, the day YOU drive."

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Daily Tips 

Skip the Fancy Fabric Softener
That doesn't mean you have to put up with scratchy clothes!
Besides being a pain to remember, fabric softener is one of those extra expenses you can cut without sacrificing.
You can still get the soft clothes you love by using those plastic nubbed balls they sell for your dryer.
Simply toss the balls in with your clothes and they'll do the work of that fabric softener for a lot less money.

Take your bananas apart when you get home from the store.
If you leave them connected at the stem, they ripen faster.

Store your opened chunks of cheese in aluminum foil.
It will stay fresh much longer and not mold!

Peppers with 3 bumps on the bottom are sweeter and better for eating.
Peppers with 4 bumps on the bottom are firmer and better for cooking.

Add a teaspoon of water when frying ground beef.
It will help pull the grease away from the meat while cooking.

For a cool brownie treat, make brownies as directed.
Melt Andes mints in double broiler and pour over warm brownies. Let set for a wonderful minty frosting.

Easy Deviled Eggs Put cooked egg yolks in a zip lock bag. Seal, mash till they are all broken up.
Add remainder of ingredients, reseal, keep mashing it up, mixing thoroughly, cut the tip of the baggy, squeeze mixture into egg.
Just throw bag away when done -- easy clean up.



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She loves MailWasher 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 22

Thanks Jim!

We had an icy and rude wind while I went for my walk. 
There sure was no gullible warming here! If this keeps up,
I definitely will have to dig out the Calgary Flames hoodie.
It's still from the days, when they were bright red. 

By the time I went out again after 2 am to watch the 
Orion shower for a bit, the wind had slowed down quite
a bit. By the way, if your sky is clear, there should be more
falling stars between midnight and morning tonight.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy Morality, like art, means drawing a line someplace. --- Oscar Wilde
An off-ramp of a freeway in Long Beach, CA, has been torn up for years. Recently, someone put up a handmade sign reading, "Scientists tell us that the sun will burn out in one and a half billion years. It is sad that this contractor will have to finish working in the dark."
NOW the link works! Sorry about that.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

Woman's Dictionary Yes = No No = Yes Maybe = No I'm sorry = You'll be sorry We need = I want It's your decision = My correct decision should be obvious by now Do what you want = You'll pay for this later We need to talk = I need to complain Sure go ahead = I don't want you to I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron FINE! = Of course I'm upset, you moron Nothing = if you dont realize what I am upset ubout, I definitely won't tell you. This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house I want new curtains = carpeting, furniture, and wallpaper I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive How much do you love me? = I did something today you're going to hate I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on TV You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me Are you listening to me!? = Too late, you're dead
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Heroin for sale fliers to get police action PORTLAND -- A North Portland home was raided Tuesday after fliers throughout the neighborhood advertised drug sales at the address, police said. Of the seven adults inside the home during the raid, six were arrested on various drug charges. A teenager in the home was placed in protective custody. Early Tuesday morning police executed a search warrant at a home in the 3900 block of N Massachusetts Avenue, according to Lt. Robert King with the Portland Police Bureau. Officers said they found nearly marijuana, heroin, a sawed-off shotgun, thousands of dollars in cash and the materials for a methamphetamine lab inside the home. "The neighborhood response team began this investigation over a year ago because of numerous neighborhood complaints," King said. "At one point a neighbor gave officers an 8" by 10" flier, supposedly found in the neighborhood that said 'Heroin for sale' and gave the address and the names of the dealers." People in the area had been complaining to police for over a year. Neighbors were grateful that the investigation led to arrests. "It was taxpayer money at work. It was great," said neighbor Doug Barrett. "It's what we've been lobbying for, so it was a great relief and we told them so." "They came out smiling; they were happy to see us," said Sgt. John Birkinbine of the positive response from the neighbors. "A lady brought a bucket full of fresh-baked chocolate chip cookies to us to tell us thank you. We felt like fire fighters for a few minutes. It was good." Heroin4sale.jpg
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Alice Re: MailWasher Dear Webby, I just wanted to thank you for suggesting the MailWasher. I was about to pull my hair out with all of the spam e-mails. Now it is a breeze to check my e-mails. Thank you so much. Alice Dear Alice Just wait until you start playing with the filters! Then you will really feel the power you have. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A convict managed to escape from prison and his escape was the lead item on the six o'clock news. So that he would not be captured, he ran through fields and traveled through back woods until he reached his wife's house. When he reached the house, he rang the bell, his wife opened the door and screamed, "You lousy bum! Where and with whom have you been? You escaped two days ago!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Guitar Picks from Repurposed Items I recently found an old wallet from somewhere I lived years ago. In it I re-discovered old library cards, bank cards, etc. Instead of throwing them out, I grabbed my snips and made myself some guitar picks! For softer strengths, use milk jugs or plastic lids. By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Dr. Leroy, the head psychiatrist at the local mental hospital, is examining patients to see if they're cured and ready to re-enter society. "So, Mr. Clark," the doctor says to one of his patients, "I see by your chart that you've been recommended for dismissal. Do you have any idea what you might do once you're released?" The patient thinks for a moment, then replies, "Well, I went to school for mechanical engineering. That's still a good field, good money there. "But on the other hand, I thought I might go back to college and study art history, which I've grown interested in lately, or maybe website design." Dr. Leroy nods and says, "Yes, those all sound like intriguing possibilities." The patient replies, "And the best part is, in my spare time, I can continue being a teapot and post stuff to Yahoo groups."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Some teachers at state universities get to know their students fairly well. One instructor told his communications class of his plans to propose marriage. A student spoke up and said that he had recently asked his girlfriend to marry him as well. "What was her answer?" the instructor asked. "I don't know," the student replied. "She hasn't e-mailed me back yet."

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Giving dope a bad name 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks Thomas!



Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." --- Balthasar Gracian "Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching." --- Socratex
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
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You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. Which one would you offer a ride ? Here is what I would do: I would give the car keys to my old friend, so that he can warm up while he takes the old lady to the hospital. And I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams, and hope the bus is stuck in the snow somehwere."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amy Horman, 24, of Perryville, Missouri Amy Leigh Brown, 35, of Nebo, North Carolina Judy Weible, 61, in Pearl, Mississippi Giving dope a bad name Here are three, but there were more. PERRYVILLE, MO (AP) - A Missouri woman's text message to the wrong number has landed her in jail. The Southeast Missourian reports that 24-year-old Amy Horman of Perryville offered drugs for sale in the text - but inadvertently sent it to a Perry County deputy sheriff. Deputies searched Horman's home. Sheriff Gary Schaaf says they seized 3/4 of a pound of marijuana, along with scales used for processing, packaging and selling marijuana. Horman is charged with felony distribution of a controlled substance and misdemeanor unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. A second woman is also charged. Both are jailed. ------------ NEBO, North Carolina – Authorities in North Carolina said they arrested Amy Leigh Brown whose wrong-number text about a drug deal was received by a sheriff’s deputy. The McDowell County Sheriff’s Office said Deputy P.V. Alkire received a text message from a number he did not recognize from a sender who identified herself as Amy and asked if he wanted business tonight. The sender said she was selling bones, a street term for the prescription anti-anxiety drug Xanax, and Alkire arranged to purchase 10 of the pills at Nebo Truck Stop. The deputy arrived for the sale and found the car described by the seller. The passenger in the car, Amy Leigh Brown, 35, was arrested and charged with intent to sell and deliver a Schedule IV controlled substance. Investigators said Brown was carrying 25 generic Xanax pills. ---------------- A Pearl woman is behind bars for accidentally trying to sell drugs to a Hinds County Sheriff’s Deputy over the phone, a sheriff’s department spokesman said. Judy Weible, 61, apparently dialed a wrong number last night to sell painkillers, and inadvertently got an investigator with the Hinds County Sheriff’s Department’s Street Crimes Task Force. The investigator thought the call had to be a joke, so he ignored it, said HCSO spokesman Lt. Jeff Scott. Once the woman called back and text-messaged several times, investigators made arrangements to meet her. When they did, they arrested her with 30 hydrocodone pills, Scott said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Ho'mail Malfunction Dear Webby, I have not been getting your Humor Letter for the last one week. Please send me those that I've missed and please keep me on the - Subscribing List! Thanks Janine Dear Janine You ARE on the subscriber list. The Humor letter has been sent out to you every day. Ho'mail, Yahoo and Charter.net are not reliable and frequently steal the Humor Letter. Until you get a decent email address, you may have to read the Humor letter on-line at http://webby.com/humor to see what was stolen from your email. Have FUN! DearWebby
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According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: WASH. BIOL. SURV. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning sevice. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says. "Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up before the rain. I figured it was better to sit on the tractor thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about the hay getting wasted."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What did you do with all them crayons, that nobody ain't got?"

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McAfee Spam Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 20

Today I managed a brisk walk to Main Street, and from there 
up to the water tower, without getting winded or dizzy. That is
definitely a milestone.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. --- Mark Twain
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have ?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
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Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lillian Jennen, 56, 7 pounds of dope, and no seatbelt OCTOBER 19--A Florida Keys woman caught with about seven pounds of marijuana in her car told police that she was not trafficking the pot, but rather needed the large stash to counteract symptoms from her rheumatoid arthritis. Not buying that shaky explanation, cops arrested Lillian Jennen, 56, for felony drug possession. Acting on a tip that Jennen was transporting marijuana, Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies stopped her car Friday evening as it traveled southbound on U.S. 1 (she was not wearing a seatbelt). During questioning, Jennen seemed “nervous” and “her hands were shaking and her respirations appeared to be rapid,” according to a sheriff’s report. A deputy also detected the smell of “fresh marijuana.” Which, of course, resulted in the search of Jennen and her 1998 Saturn SL. During questioning, Jennen “admitted to having seven pounds of marijuana in the vehicle that she paid $5,000.00 in Miami.” She also told deputies that she “suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis and uses the marijuana to relieve her pain.” She added that the recovered cash was intended for the purchase of additional pot, but “she changed her mind and decided to only buy the seven pounds.” Jennen was booked into the Marathon Jail on a drug possession charge. Released on her own recognizance, she was also issued a seat belt citation.
From: Goldy Re: McAfee Spam problem Good Afternoon Webby, I enjoy your letter every morning but can you tell me why it is going to my McAfee Spam folder instead of my in box e-mail? Keep up the good work and I'm glad you are better and walking. Thank you for all of your wonderful help and advice. Regards, Goldy Dear Goldy McAfee has the best virus control, but when it comes to spam, they are pathetic, just as bad as Norton. I use MailWasher for Spam control. It works, and is easy to configure and to teach. The Artificial Intelligence built in lets it learn, what I like and what I don't like. With mailwasher you can make positive and negative filters, filters to protect good stuff, and to dump bad stuff. You can, for example, make a filter, that allows mail from your spouse through, even if certain watches or drugs are discussed, but if anybody else mentions those, the mail gets nuked, unseen, on the server. Creating filters with Mailwasher is easy, like a quick game. And a lot of the spam is flagged for deletion even without having to make filters. Initially you just put your friends into the Friends list, and see what else might be needed. Then you tweak and tune it, until it dumps all spam and does not mess with mail, that you want. I have used MailWasher for a dozen years and have not seen anything, that comes even close. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Bill for this one: Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? I'm from West Virginia. Tings get a lot more complicated there. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! "And you think you have family problems!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "It doesn't help my hearing none," he replied. "But it makes people talk louder."

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How to make Gmail the default email program? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 19

TOTUS stolen in Virginia
The truck carrying the TOTUS, (the Teleprompter Of The United States)
podiums, and audio equipment was stolen in Virginia.
The truck was parked at the Virginia Center Commons 
Courtyard Marriott in advance on Wednesday’s presidential 
visit to Chesterfield. Sources said inside that vehicle was the TOTUS,
about $200,000 worth of sound equipment, several bullet-proof
podiums and presidential seals.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. --- Jerome Blattner Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead
A fellow evidently under the influence was trying desperately to catch a train back to his suburban home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each time he was told that he would have to take another train. When he boarded a fourth train he slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose eyes, ears and nose told him that this new passenger had been drinking too much. He told our besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that you are traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation." To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on the wrong train again!"
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A Prayer For Moms And Dads Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind. I pray I find a little quiet Far from the daily family riot May I lie back--not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink, or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat. I pray for time all to myself (did something just fall off a shelf?) To cuddle in my nice, soft bed (Oh no, another goldfish--dead!) Some silent moments for goodness sake (Did I just hear a window break?) And that I need not cook or clean-- (well heck, I've got the right to dream) Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep, But as I look around I know-- I must have lost them long ago!
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through for the large version. Good morning Webby The Muskrat is a regular visitor to our yard, his home is the dugout out back. Sue
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Teddy Deavers, 24 from Gaithersburg, MD Burglar calls cops for a ride FREDERICK, Md. -- Frederick police say a burglary suspect called them to ask for a ride home after he spent five hours out in the cold. Police said Sunday that they took 24-year-old Teddy Deavers into custody instead. The Gaithersburg man was being held Monday on burglary and conspiracy charges and couldn't be reached for comment. Police say Deavers and three others were spotted stealing copper from a construction site late Saturday night. Officers quickly caught three of the men. But they say Deavers remained at large until nearly 5 a.m., when he called police from a gas station and demanded a ride home. They say Deavers complained that he was cold and wet. Overnight temperatures were in the upper 40s.
From: Hank Re: Make Gmail the default mail Dear Webby, How do I make gmail my go to email. in IE, I select TOOLS, then INTERNET OPTIONS, then PROGRAMS. then EMAIL. How do I get GMAIL on the selection list here? . I was told I need a special program from GMAIL or MICROSOFT. can you help. When I am in a program and I have a selection saying EMAIL THIS, I would like it to go to Gmail compose. Now it goes to yahoo mail front page. Thanks Hank Dear Hank Microsoft gets into a snit when you use a better email program, and especially in W7 make it tricky to set a non-Microsoft email program as the default. To get around that childish behavior, you have to tediously hack around in the Registry, or get a little helper from Gmail to do that for you. They call it a Notifier. It notifies or calls Gmail and opens it. http://mail.google.com/mail/help/notifier/ Just download and run it, Right-click the Notifier icon in your system tray, Select Options. Check the box next to Use Gmail for internet mailto: links. Click OK. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Bella The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "Shee!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that shecond dwrink."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Touch-up Paint in Film Canisters Save film canisters and use them to store small amounts of leftover paint for touch-ups. Label each one and store in a handy place. Instead of a label, you can also just paint a part of the film canister lid with the paint for quick reference. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, since I was dating his daughter and it was her idea to start out with. I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Well, if you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The teller had just been robbed for the third time by the same man, and was being asked by a police officer if she had noticed anything specific about the criminal. "Well, yes," said the teller. "He appears to be better dressed each time."

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Second monitor for a laptop 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 18

OK, OK! I will keep doing the International Bonehead Awards!
That was a very refreshing storm of protest! I have not
received that much mail from subscribers for an awfully long time.
I will continue to do them, with mug shots.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Never let yesterday use up too much of today." --- Will Rogers
A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has over 55 years of walking experience."
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One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to ALL of them!"
A lot of people asked me for the name of that yellow tree. Sorry, I don't know. A few people narrowed it down to a tree in Bolivia, but that is as close as anybody got. Click through for the big picture. On the war path again!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sang Eun Lee, 38, in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada Too drunk for a bra A drunk driver, who was told to remove her AA underwire bra, still broke the law, a judge ruled Thursday. If she had not been drunk, she would not have been locked up in the drunk tank. Sang Eun Lee, 38, tried to beat an impaired driving rap by accusing York Regional Police of violating her rights when they seized her underwire bra during an alleged illegal strip search after her arrest Jan. 30, 2010. But an Ontario court judge determined the woman wasn’t strip searched at all, and the arresting officer, a woman, was justified in ordering her remove the undergarment at the police station for the safety of herself, officers and other detainees. That is normal procedure with incarceration, not just with obnoxious drunks. Same as belts and shoe laces, anything, that could aid a drunk in commiting suicide or a further crime, is confiscated. “She did not arbitrarily select the defendant and decide to humiliate her,” Justice Anne-Marie Hourgian said of the officer in her ruling. The judge also pointed out Const. Jennifer Martin took Lee to a private room and didn’t actually ask her to strip. The officer testified she was “surprised” when Lee took off her shirt to remove her bra, Hourgian said. Martin expected she’d remove the bra through a shirt-sleeve, the judge said. In some jurisdictions, that is a common sobriety test. And she never inspected Lee’s chest, which she would have if she were conducting a strip search. She just made sure, that the drunk did not have that dangerous underwire while alone in the drunk tank. Standard procedure anywhere. Court heard that on the night in question Lee was drinking at Archibald’s on Yonge St., south of 16th Ave. When she left the Richmond Hill bar, staff had to help her to a taxi. The cab driver had testified there was a dispute and Lee decided to get out and drive herself home. The concerned cabbie called 911. Police caught up with Lee as she entered her townhouse complex several blocks away on Shaftsbury Ave. and parked in the wrong driveway. They claimed she was “dazed” and had problems with rolling down her window. She also stumbled and staggered when she got out of her car. Lee testified she was scared by the police presence and thought there may be some sort of emergency at her home. The Korean woman also claimed, through an interpreter, she didn’t understand the cops because they spoke in English. Lee’s lawyer, Leora Shemesh, asked the case be thrown out citing several Charter of Rights violations. She claimed police didn’t have probable cause to stop Lee, they didn’t explain her right to council in her native language and they conducted an unwarranted strip search. Canada's official languages are English and French. Talking like a drunk is not mentioned in the Charter of Rights. Justice Hourgian dismissed the Charter allegations and said she had doubts about Lee’s “credibility” after hearing “many inconsistancies” in her testimony. “I found her to be evasive in her answers to questions during cross-examination,” Hourgian said. The judge pointed out Lee attended an English university in the U.S. from 1993 to 1997 before coming to Canada. Hourgian also noted in surveillance video from the police station Lee had no trouble following officers’ instructions when she was arrested. Just another drunk. Lee was found guilty of impaired operation of a motor vehicle, no matter what language she was drunk in.
From: Rev Farren Re: Second monitor beside a laptop Dear Webby, I use a laptop for the internet...But I have an extra screen I had for my bigger puter... I found the cords for the extra screen and hooked them up...but now I can only work on the extra... I would like to be able to use both at the same time if possible...I do remember that you answered this question in the past... But I need help now? Please. Rev. Farren P Dear Rita Dear Rev Farren To use two monitors, you need a special video card. With laptops the video "card" is usually just a section on the motherboard, and space for additional, real, video cards is usually not sufficient. Contact the maker of your laptop, and ask them if they have add-on video cards for dual monitor operation. Dell, for example, makes a USB video card for $60 The USB 2.0 External Video Card allows you to connect an extra monitor to your desktop PC or laptop's USB port. The connected monitor can be configured to either clone your primary screen, or extend the Windows desktop allowing visibility of more applications at the same time. The USB 2.0 External Video Card driver used to control the extra screen uses very little computer resource and offers a vast array of screen resolutions and color depths. This ensures that there is little difference in performance between a directly connected screen and a screen connected through the USB 2.0 External Video Card. Probably other makers have similar external video cards, and with some searching around, you can probably find generic ones for around $15. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Cafe Need a fun way to get your family to eat leftovers? We have a "Leftover Cafe" night once a week. We decorate the table with fake flowers and candles, and play some music in the background. Taking turns each week, one of my daughters sorts through the fridge for leftovers from recent meals. Another makes a menu listing each food available. My little one just draws pictures, while my older daughter writes descriptions similar to what you might find on a fancy restaurant menu. One is the waitress, taking everyone's orders on a pad of paper and bringing them to the table with a French accent. I am, of course, the cook and am in charge of reheating everything. The kids think it's a blast, and actually eat more leftovers this way. Plus, it's great family time. Who knew eating leftovers could be so fun? By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?" "Stop! Stop!!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Quick Test 1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken? 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? 4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? 5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? 6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? 7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? 8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? 9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? 10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? Answers: 1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days. 2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour. 3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am & pm. 4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2. 5) 9 live sheep. 6) The match. 7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole. 8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 9) None. It was Noah, not Moses. 10) YOU are the driver.

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Soft versus hard date in spreadsheets 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 17

Mowed for the last time for this year. When I went outside
in the morning, it seemed comfortable enough in the sun shine
at the back door, and I figured I would warm up from the 
exercise anyway.

So I went out in shorts and short sleeve shirt.
After a while I figured, that if I wasn't so tough, I would
probably put on some gloves. And thought that was funny.

Then a neighbor walked by, dressed in long coat and warm
cap. She is in her eighties and I figured more sensitive to
the temperature. She stopped and ranted at me, that I was 
going to catch a cold, so I told her, with hot babes like her
strutting by, it was plenty warm enough.

She didn't know whether to hit me with her cane or yell
at me, but she had a friendly grin on as she continued down
the sidewalk.

When I finished mowing and came in, I saw that it was 
three degrees above freezing outside. No wonder my fingers
had been cold and yearning for gloves!

Well, no more mowing this year. I just hope we don't get a
lot of snow. I am not supposed to do any shoveling. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover, that there are other views. --- William F Buckley Jr.
From Bob: About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

From Marv: Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD There has not been any feedback or comments about the International Bonehead Awards for a long time. I wonder if anybody notices if they are missing?
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: soft versus hard date in spradsheet Dear Webby, my husband is using a spreadsheet as a daily log. I'm not complaining, it's a great improvement over a loose pile of cigarette packages with semi-legible scribbles. The problem is that he used a formula that puts in the current date. @(today). Every midnight each date changes to the current date. I realize, all the past dates are lost. How can I rig it so that new dates put in stay nailed down to THAT date ? Thanks Rita Dear Rita In Quattro, tell him to use CTRL D instead. That just puts the date number into the field. If that column is formatted for displaying the date, it will show as the date, but the value in the cell is a number, not a formula, and it won't change. In Excel it is similar, but not as easy to remember. Instead of D for Date, Excel uses the semi-colon ; CTRL ; inserts a static date that does not change. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some racehorses are standing in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Ice off the Car Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill and Mary were married for 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Mary wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what colour shoes she had to go with the dress. Mary replied, "Silver." At that point, Bill chimed in, "Yep silver - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at Bill's bald spot, Mary's friend sweetly said, "So Bill, I guess you are going barefoot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

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How to move programs 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 16

Thanks, Hermon!
Thanks, Sig G.!

Tonight I mention another forgotten wall flower in the
Thech Support Pits: Laplink Mover
Yeah, you have seen it there in the left side margin for 
the last 17 years or so, but just ignored it. Well, it is 
still there.

If you have been wondering if this weeks Windows bug fix was
sabotaging your machine, you were right. It did. 

It messed with your carefully arranged start-up sequence.
Just arrange all the icons for the programs, that you used 
to have starting automatically, in one corner of the desktop,
and manually start them. Possibly the problem will be fixed
in a future bug-fix. Don't count on it, though.

If you have stalled with this weeks bug-fix, deny it. 
You are better off without it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"He who seeks a friend without fault remains without." --- Old Turkish Proverb "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper." --- Scottish Proverb
A man was driving to work when a car ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. The other car slid into a gas pump and caused a minor fire. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab, saw a lot of fire and behind it a huge 'HELL' sign. Until somebody moved, I did not realize that there was an 'S'!" in front of the "HELL".
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dameka L. Bryant, 37 Half naked fight about ribs Police said an argument over some barbeque Monday night resulted in fighting and property damage. According to Iowa City Police criminal complaints, officers were called to 1231 Sandusky Drive at 11:25 p.m. Monday for a report of an argument outside. Officers said they found a woman, later identified as 37-year-old Dameka L. Bryant, of 1958 Broadway St., standing in the driveway of the residence wearing only her bra and panties. Police said the residents of the home said Bryant had returned after leaving earlier from a barbeque. The residents told police Bryant became angry about the residents eating what she considered her barbecue ribs. The residents allegedly told Bryant to leave, at which point she kicked two holes in the drywall and threatened to beat them up. Police said Bryant ended up outside the residence after a scuffle inside. Bryant showed signs of intoxication, but would not consent to a breath test, police said. Bryant was placed under arrest for fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication. Police said Bryant tried to pull away from officers after being handcuffed and kicked at the officers. She also refused to put her feet inside the squad car and had to be pulled in from the opposite side. Bryant was charged with interference with official acts for resisting with officers. Bryant was released on her own recognizance Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: Moving programs I wish to take your advise on keeping the "c" drive lean (10 gigs)? But my laptop is over a year old and I don't know how to transfer programs, file, etc to my external hd or my formatted drive. Help? Dear Wayne Files, that you produced or collected, are easy. You can just drag them over there. Programs are tricky, unless you have Laplink Mover. Laplink Mover is made to migrate programs from one machine to another without any cussing and swearing. It is not quite free, but well worth it, if you want to avoid the cussing and worrying. If you don't have Laplink Mover, first you have to find the registration numbers, CD or download file. Once you have all that stuff ready, install it on the new destination, as if you were moving to a new computer. When it is working right at the new location, then you can un-install it at the old location. That is quite tedious, I know. Until you do that, just move the files, that you have produced or collected, to other drives, and install any new program, that you acquire in the future, onto the other drives. By the way, I started using Laplink Mover in the late 80's, when I was a mobile troubleshooter, like the geek squad is nowadays. In those days I used Laplink Mover and a special cable provided by Laplink to move and install programs via the printer ports of computers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sarah's a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Sarah replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? What did you do?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Sunday School teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Little Johnny who had drawn a old man driving an old car. In the back seat, there were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he said "that's a Plymoth Fury like Uncle Ted's got up on blocks in his yard. And it says in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the paradise in a Fury!"

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The Facts Of Life 

The Facts Of Life The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage before you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from Where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends






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Get rid of old log files 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 15

From Bev
I took your advice and ran registry booster and it fixed 
everything. The best $30.00 I've ever spent.   
Thank you so much.      
Bev

Glad it worked for you as well as it does for me.
That is why I have kept it in the side menu since I started
using it years ago.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they do. --- Plato First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who "Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts." --- Socratex
Here is a nice old classic to start the day: A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110. He left behind 4 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great- grandchildren, 10 great-great grandchildren, - and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $24.79, and I gave the cashier a $50 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a Twenty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it. Luckily the next check-out lane had a lady working there, so I took my stuff over there and wrote my phone number onto my Fifty.
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture. This one bloomed today. It is a rare Ferro, not the regular Ferro, that looks like a fire hydrant from the distance, but it too has the strong, flat and curved spines, that are strong enough to hoist it up by them.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fulton in Oceanview, Virginia With mom driving getaway vehicle, Virginia robber is busted A man is behind bars after being shot as he reportedly tried to rob a Sub-shop and restaurant. The driver of the getaway vehicle was his mother. It all happened Saturday, October 1 at Philadelphia Hoagie Factory in Ocean View, Virginia. Police say Michael Fulton threw on a skull mask and tried to rob the owner, Carnet Horton, as he tried to take out the trash. Employee Moses Howard heard the commotion. "I was inside and all of a sudden I heard, 'Pow! Pow!' I came running out and my boss said somebody tried to rob us." The owner’s wife, Kim, says the robber pulled out a flare gun and demanded money. She said her husband put up a fight. "As soon as he pulled his gun, the man started to run and that's when my husband started shooting at him and he just kept going," described Kim. Fulton's mother picked him up minutes later in a blue truck. Fulton was arrested shortly after the incident and remains in jail. Police say his mother’s involvement did not warrant an arrest. After all, it's Virginia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Log files to delete Dear Webby how do we find those log files to delete. Also in control panel I see lots of updates for Windows and Java is it necessary to keep all of those accumalated pieces in there? RON P Dear Ron CrapCleaner will assist you in getting rid of those old updates. With Log files, if they don't show in the root directory, don't worry about them. Just keep the root directory clean and lean and mean. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A fellow who had just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It’s actually quite simple," the old feller replied. "I just never argue." "That’s impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 150 years! The old fellow stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. "Hmmm," he finally shrugged, "maybe you’re right."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out, the man asked if he could give him a cure for the hiccups. The pharmacist immediately reached out and slapped him across the face. "What'd you do that for?" the man asked. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" "No," the man replied, "but if you look out that window,... do you see that sumo wrestler shaking that telephone pole and coming in now? That's my wife with the hickups."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there in Italy." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, in Italy, they use cheap domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

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What to do when your computer is slowing down 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, October 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Concerns about computers slowing down seem to be the most
frequent requests for help. 

Aside from using basic tools like Registry Booster and
CrapCleaner, the biggest difference is keeping the C: drive,
and especially the root directory on the C: drive as lean as
possible.

Right, do EXACTLY the opposite of what Microsoft tries to do
in their attempt, to make your computer slow and senile.
Do NOT install programs onto the C: drive!
Partition the hard drive and if possible, add a second hard drive.

I always partition the hard drive and make the C: drive 
really small. 10 GB is plenty. The smaller it is, the faster 
Windows can find it's marbles.

Any program, that you install, runs just as well on the E: drive.
( D: is usually reserved for the CD/DVD drive )
The third partition, F: I use for the data, that I produce
with the programs on the E: drive.

If you have a small C: drive reserved for JUST the 
Operating System, you get maximum speed and maximum 
reliability.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --- Oscar Levant Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. --- Socratex
Thanks to Rose for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples in America is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her sister's Night Blooming Cereus, shot by her sister's hubby Gene. Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelsey Grobmeier, 19 and Michael Kaufman, 20 Shoplifters forget their babies LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Authorities say a couple shoplifted a cell phone and makeup from a Walmart, but forgot two children as they fled the store. Police in Louisville say 20-year-old Michael S. Kaufman took a cell phone and tried to take a tablet computer, destroying the attached display in the process. Police say 19-year-old Kelsey Grobmeier hid makeup under a baby car seat. When confronted, the couple fled, leaving a 3-year-old and 18-month-old behind in the store around 7 p.m. EDT Wednesday. Police say Grobmeier returned to the store about an hour later to retrieve the children. Kaufman and Grobmeier are each charged with theft, criminal trespassing, endangering the welfare of a minor and tampering with physical evidence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Computer is slow Dear Webby My computer is running slow. I've run disk defrag,disk cleanup and vacuumed out the computer. I have XP and am on a dish. What else can I do to get back to normal? I enjoy the newsletter with my coffee every morning. Thank you. bev Dear Bev Have you tried Registry Booster ? I have used it for a few years and find it makes a nice difference. Moving files away from the C: drive onto a removable USB drive also helps. Windows needs lots of elbow room and seems to work best when the C: drive has at least 40% free. Check and see if you have any log files accumulating, for example Open Tabs on browsers logged every 5 minutes. Those are just very tiny text files, taking only a tiny bit of space. However, Windows needs a file handle for each one of them! Weed those out to just one per month. Getting rid of a few thousand little files like that will make a huge difference, especially if they are in the root directory. There may be other files, that you can move out of the root directory. The leaner you make the root directory, the faster yourmachine will run. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Gayle for these questions and answers about Mad Cow disease Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me? A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesnt bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow. Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat? A. They say memory is affected. What was your question? Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane. A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a flock of geese. However, I don't allow them to fly over the house. Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull? A. He would be the one wearing high heels
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ That is not really a good idea, and may be against the building code in some areas. The gravel would hide drips and leaks, leading to weakening or destruction of the foundation. Just get a bag of ready-mix concrete, they come in small lady-sized bags nowadays, hardly heavier than the average make-up filled purse, so as not to discourage women from working in construction. Mix it with water and pour a little concrete pad sloping away from the house. A bag of ready-mix is usually under $10. Fixing a sagged foundation can be tens of thousands of dollars. You can make your run-off pretty and artistic by adding colorful river rocks or pebbles. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Barb for this one: A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Flora: Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor was it by my front door. I was stymed, so I called the development's manager. "The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome package," he assured me. "We mailed it to you last week." So I asked him if his day job was in politics.

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Toner and Ink packing material 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 13

Had to drive to Calgary for some tests. They mostly just
listened to my heart and told me, that they would set up an 
appointment for an angiogram sometime next month.
Cant be too drastic, or they would have done it right
there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. --- John Kenneth Galbraith All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often. --- Stanislaw J. Lec,
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Thans to Betty for this one: My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion?" she asked. "Nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Wilson, 50 100th arrest PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — A man accused of stealing socks and underwear led police on a foot chase before he was caught hiding behind a trash bin, then arrested for the 100th time. Joseph Wilson, who turned 50 this year, reached the dubious milestone Thursday in Port St. Lucie. According to an arrest affidavit, Wilson walked out of the Bealls department store at 10135 U.S. Highway 1 with the merchandise under his clothing. When a loss-prevention officer tried to confront Wilson, he jumped into a waiting minivan and ordered the driver to "take off," the report said. Wilson's friend didn't take off, so the suspect hustled out of the other side of the vehicle and ran away, according to the affidavit. The officer lost him, but a witness called police a short time later to say Wilson was in the bushes in a Wendy's parking lot just down the road. When two officers arrived and found Wilson, the sweaty suspect first said he was out for a jog and just trying to cool off behind the trash bin. Eventually, he cited "hard times" and was taken into custody without any further struggle, the report said. The merchandise Wilson is accused of stealing was worth $174. Prior to Thursday, Wilson had a record that included 37 felony arrests, 47 misdemeanors and 15 others. In all, he's been convicted in 35 of those incidents.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dimitris Re: Popcorn packing Dear Webby It is always nice to get appreciative fan mail. Here is a picture of a Laser toner cartridge a fan sent back for a refill: Yes, real popcorn! The warehouse crew saved me a cup full of it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Our toner cartridges are precision made to keep the micro-fine toner powder from leaking out, so there is no danger of popcorn causing any problem, as long as it is not buttered. However, the smell of the popcorn may be a bit too tempting to some hungry soul handling the package in transit. There is no need to go buy expensive packing material. Some wadded up shopping bags will do just fine. As a treat from fans, what we appreciate the most is a picture!! Dimitris Dear Dimitris At your low prices and the high cost of shipping, I didn't think it was worth shipping toner cartridges back to you. Maybe you can add a map to atlantic inkjet.com that shows the areas, from which shipping back empty cartdridges is a good idea. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Ed I was inspecting facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said, "and checking how deep the snow is. by blowing some of it away with the props." As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Rotary Cutter A handy holder for a rotary cutter is an old glasses case that is closed on one end and open on the other. Insert cutter into case, roller edge first, and it keeps your cutter out of the way of small hands. By Nancy from Magalia, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

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Sexual Advice 

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’

The woman was mystified.

'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?

'Of course,' the doctor replied.

'Where do you think Liberals came from?’



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Moron Love 

Moron Love Bob pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!"

"What makes you say that" the bartender inquired?

"Last week," Bob explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman, the postman, the paperboy, the UPS man, and several of the neighborhood guys came by, she 'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"




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Underlined Hotkey letters in menus 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 12

I was surprised to read that in the latest incident of piracy, 
the Italian ship Montechristo, that was hauling scrap iron
from England to Vietnam, had no means of communicating
with rescuers, once they hid in the armored area of the ship,
aside from throwing a bottle out a porthole.

Troops from a British and a US war ship stormed the hijacked
ship and arrested the pirates. It just seemed strange, that
they had no other form of communication from the secure
part of the ship. Let's hope other ships traveling through
pirate alley are better prepared!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. --- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
A little boy who is rushing out of the house pauses in front of his father. "Dad," the boy says, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" "Son, it just wouldn't be right," his father says. "That's okay," the little fellow says. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joe Jesus German, 19 Car thief falls asleep in stolen car MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Florida police said a man accused of burglarizing several cars was arrested after the owner of one of the vehicles drove it away with him sleeping in the back. Miami Beach police said Joe Jesus German, 19, stole property from several vehicles Sunday in a valet parking garage at the Fontainebleau Resort before falling asleep in the back of a white Infinity, WTVJ-TV, Miami, reported Tuesday. "The defendant was later located inside of a vehicle he burglarized, by the vehicle owner who was driving home and found defendant passed out in his back seat," the arrest report said. Alan Rodriguez, the vehicle's owner, said he was driving with his uncle when they noticed the man sleeping in the back, WFOR-TV, Miami, reported. "I thought he was hiding at first," Rodriguez said. The men called police and German was arrested on five counts of burglary. Police said they found the keys to several vehicles in his possession.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Underlined letters in menus Dear Webby I used to have one letter underlined in each menu choice, and you could just hit ALT and type those letters to drill down a whole bunch of levels in a menu instantly without ever using the mouse. After my daughter prettied it all up, that feature is gone. The machine is XP, so it should not be difficult to restore the underlined letters, but how do you do it? Fran Dear Fran Right-click the Desktop, Choose Properties, Click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects button Remove the check mark from the line "Hide Underlined Letters for Keyboard Navigation Until I Press The Alt Key" That makes the underlines all appear, just the way you are used to seeing them, ready for shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging, that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one of the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Socks The answer to lost socks! I just bought inexpensive, mesh lingerie bags that can be found at places like Target or Walmart. I placed one on a hook in the closet for each of my 3 daughters. They simply throw their socks in the mesh bags when they come home. On laundry day, I ask everyone to get their sock bags and throw them into the washing machine, making sure they are all zipped up. I then wash them and throw them into the dryer as is. When they're dry, the kids take their own bag and sort their socks themselves. They then put the sorted (or unsorted) socks back into their bags and take upstairs to dump out into their sock drawer. By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

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