Giving dope a bad name 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 21
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Thanks Thomas!



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"A wise man gets more use from his enemies than a fool from his friends." --- Balthasar Gracian "Integrity is doing the right thing, even if nobody is watching." --- Socratex
Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. My dad works twelve hours a day to give me a nice home and good food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "What if they try to escape?"
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You are driving along in your car on a wild, stormy night. You pass by a bus stop, and you see three people waiting for the bus: 1. An old lady who looks as if she is about to die. 2. An old friend who once saved your life. 3. The perfect man (or) woman you have been dreaming about. Which one would you choose to offer a ride to, knowing that there could only be one passenger in your car. Think before you continue reading. This is a moral/ethical dilemma that was once actually used as part of a job application. You could pick up the old lady, because she is going to die, and thus you should save her first; or you could take the old friend because he once saved your life, and this would be the perfect chance to pay him back. However, you may never be able to find your perfect dream lover again. Which one would you offer a ride ? Here is what I would do: I would give the car keys to my old friend, so that he can warm up while he takes the old lady to the hospital. And I would stay behind and wait for the bus with the woman of my dreams, and hope the bus is stuck in the snow somehwere."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Amy Horman, 24, of Perryville, Missouri Amy Leigh Brown, 35, of Nebo, North Carolina Judy Weible, 61, in Pearl, Mississippi Giving dope a bad name Here are three, but there were more. PERRYVILLE, MO (AP) - A Missouri woman's text message to the wrong number has landed her in jail. The Southeast Missourian reports that 24-year-old Amy Horman of Perryville offered drugs for sale in the text - but inadvertently sent it to a Perry County deputy sheriff. Deputies searched Horman's home. Sheriff Gary Schaaf says they seized 3/4 of a pound of marijuana, along with scales used for processing, packaging and selling marijuana. Horman is charged with felony distribution of a controlled substance and misdemeanor unlawful use of drug paraphernalia. A second woman is also charged. Both are jailed. ------------ NEBO, North Carolina – Authorities in North Carolina said they arrested Amy Leigh Brown whose wrong-number text about a drug deal was received by a sheriff’s deputy. The McDowell County Sheriff’s Office said Deputy P.V. Alkire received a text message from a number he did not recognize from a sender who identified herself as Amy and asked if he wanted business tonight. The sender said she was selling bones, a street term for the prescription anti-anxiety drug Xanax, and Alkire arranged to purchase 10 of the pills at Nebo Truck Stop. The deputy arrived for the sale and found the car described by the seller. The passenger in the car, Amy Leigh Brown, 35, was arrested and charged with intent to sell and deliver a Schedule IV controlled substance. Investigators said Brown was carrying 25 generic Xanax pills. ---------------- A Pearl woman is behind bars for accidentally trying to sell drugs to a Hinds County Sheriff’s Deputy over the phone, a sheriff’s department spokesman said. Judy Weible, 61, apparently dialed a wrong number last night to sell painkillers, and inadvertently got an investigator with the Hinds County Sheriff’s Department’s Street Crimes Task Force. The investigator thought the call had to be a joke, so he ignored it, said HCSO spokesman Lt. Jeff Scott. Once the woman called back and text-messaged several times, investigators made arrangements to meet her. When they did, they arrested her with 30 hydrocodone pills, Scott said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Janine Re: Ho'mail Malfunction Dear Webby, I have not been getting your Humor Letter for the last one week. Please send me those that I've missed and please keep me on the - Subscribing List! Thanks Janine Dear Janine You ARE on the subscriber list. The Humor letter has been sent out to you every day. Ho'mail, Yahoo and Charter.net are not reliable and frequently steal the Humor Letter. Until you get a decent email address, you may have to read the Humor letter on-line at http://webby.com/humor to see what was stolen from your email. Have FUN! DearWebby
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According to the Knight-Ridder News Service, the inscription on the metal bands used by the U.S. Department of the Interior to tag migratory birds has been changed. The bands used to bear the address of the Washington Biological Survey, abbreviated: WASH. BIOL. SURV. until the agency received the following letter from an Arkansas camper: "Dear Sirs: While camping last week I shot one of your birds. I think it was a crow. I followed the cooking instructions on the leg tag and I want to tell you, it was horrible." The bands are now marked Fish and Wildlife Service.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A farmer runs into the pastor of his church after missing the morning sevice. "I'm sorry I missed you this morning", the pastor says. "Well, Rev'rund", the farmer says,"I had some hay to put up before the rain. I figured it was better to sit on the tractor thinking about God than to sit in church thinking about the hay getting wasted."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The kindergarten class had settled down to its coloring books. Willie came up to the teacher's desk and said, "Miss Francis, I ain't got no crayons." "Willie," Miss Francis said, "you mean, "I don't have any crayons. You don't have any crayons. We don't have any crayons. They don't have any crayons. Do you see what I'm getting at?" "Not really," Willie said, "What did you do with all them crayons, that nobody ain't got?"

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McAfee Spam Problem 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 20

Today I managed a brisk walk to Main Street, and from there 
up to the water tower, without getting winded or dizzy. That is
definitely a milestone.

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A banker is a fellow who lends you his umbrella when the sun is shining, but wants it back the minute it begins to rain. --- Mark Twain
Laura's husband, Ron, was called into his bank to discuss his accounts. "Your finances are in terrible shape," the banker stated. "Your checking account is overdrawn, your loan is overdue." "Yes, I know." said Ron. "It's my wife Laura, she is out of control." "Why do you allow your wife to spend more money than you have ?" asked the banker. "Frankly," replied Ron with a deep sigh, "because I'd rather argue with you than with her."
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Old man Johnson limped into the doctor's office and said, "Doc, my right knee hurts so bad, I can hardly walk!" The doctor slowly eyed him from head to toe, paused and then said, "Mr. Johnson, just how old are you?" "98!" Johnson announced proudly. The doctor just sighed, and looked at him again. . . Finally he said, "Sir, I'm sorry. I mean, just look at you. You're practically one hundred years old, and you're complaining that your knee hurts? Well, what did you expect?" The old man said, "Well, my other knee is 98 years old too, and it doesn't hurt!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Lillian Jennen, 56, 7 pounds of dope, and no seatbelt OCTOBER 19--A Florida Keys woman caught with about seven pounds of marijuana in her car told police that she was not trafficking the pot, but rather needed the large stash to counteract symptoms from her rheumatoid arthritis. Not buying that shaky explanation, cops arrested Lillian Jennen, 56, for felony drug possession. Acting on a tip that Jennen was transporting marijuana, Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies stopped her car Friday evening as it traveled southbound on U.S. 1 (she was not wearing a seatbelt). During questioning, Jennen seemed “nervous” and “her hands were shaking and her respirations appeared to be rapid,” according to a sheriff’s report. A deputy also detected the smell of “fresh marijuana.” Which, of course, resulted in the search of Jennen and her 1998 Saturn SL. During questioning, Jennen “admitted to having seven pounds of marijuana in the vehicle that she paid $5,000.00 in Miami.” She also told deputies that she “suffers from Rheumatoid Arthritis and uses the marijuana to relieve her pain.” She added that the recovered cash was intended for the purchase of additional pot, but “she changed her mind and decided to only buy the seven pounds.” Jennen was booked into the Marathon Jail on a drug possession charge. Released on her own recognizance, she was also issued a seat belt citation.
From: Goldy Re: McAfee Spam problem Good Afternoon Webby, I enjoy your letter every morning but can you tell me why it is going to my McAfee Spam folder instead of my in box e-mail? Keep up the good work and I'm glad you are better and walking. Thank you for all of your wonderful help and advice. Regards, Goldy Dear Goldy McAfee has the best virus control, but when it comes to spam, they are pathetic, just as bad as Norton. I use MailWasher for Spam control. It works, and is easy to configure and to teach. The Artificial Intelligence built in lets it learn, what I like and what I don't like. With mailwasher you can make positive and negative filters, filters to protect good stuff, and to dump bad stuff. You can, for example, make a filter, that allows mail from your spouse through, even if certain watches or drugs are discussed, but if anybody else mentions those, the mail gets nuked, unseen, on the server. Creating filters with Mailwasher is easy, like a quick game. And a lot of the spam is flagged for deletion even without having to make filters. Initially you just put your friends into the Friends list, and see what else might be needed. Then you tweak and tune it, until it dumps all spam and does not mess with mail, that you want. I have used MailWasher for a dozen years and have not seen anything, that comes even close. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Bill for this one: Recently, I called to make reservations on a small charter plane that departs from Teterboro airport in New Jersey. I knew that I would be flying in a very small plane, so I was not surprised when the clerk said, "The plane is very full with baggage and passengers." Then she asked, "How much do you weigh, sir?" Not thinking clearly I answered, "With or without clothes?" "Well," said the clerk, "how do you intend to travel?"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Gift Tags from Wallpaper We bought a house that needed to be decorated, so we bought a ton of wallpaper. When we were finished we had 20 rolls left. My daughter and I decided to make gift cards out of the leftovers for every holiday and birthdays. We used the following materials: a paper cutter, a one hole punch, and stamps with sayings on them. What beautiful cards they turned out to be and we are making some extra cash on the side. This has turned out to be a full time business as well. Who would have thought? Now we have the whole family buying wallpaper for us and crafting as well, so many ideas to use the leftovers from our house. By Lori from Middlefield, OH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said, "You think you have family problems? I'm from West Virginia. Tings get a lot more complicated there. A few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter, and we got married. Later my father married my stepdaughter. That made my stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother-in-law of her father-in-law. "Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! "And you think you have family problems!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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While talking with my semi-deaf uncle one evening, I noticed that his "hearing aid" was actually an earphone from a transistor radio. The wire had been cut and was sticking out of his shirt. "How does that help your hearing?" I asked. "It doesn't help my hearing none," he replied. "But it makes people talk louder."

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How to make Gmail the default email program? 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 19

TOTUS stolen in Virginia
The truck carrying the TOTUS, (the Teleprompter Of The United States)
podiums, and audio equipment was stolen in Virginia.
The truck was parked at the Virginia Center Commons 
Courtyard Marriott in advance on Wednesday’s presidential 
visit to Chesterfield. Sources said inside that vehicle was the TOTUS,
about $200,000 worth of sound equipment, several bullet-proof
podiums and presidential seals.

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A person who trusts no one can't be trusted. --- Jerome Blattner Not even computers will replace committees, because committees buy computers. --- Edward Shepherd Mead
A fellow evidently under the influence was trying desperately to catch a train back to his suburban home. Three times he got on the wrong train. Each time he was told that he would have to take another train. When he boarded a fourth train he slumped down in a seat beside a clergyman, whose eyes, ears and nose told him that this new passenger had been drinking too much. He told our besotted friend: "Brother, may I tell you that you are traveling the rough and rocky road to damnation." To which the drunk replied: "Don't tell me I'm on the wrong train again!"
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A Prayer For Moms And Dads Now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my sanity to keep. For if some peace I do not find, I'm pretty sure I'll lose my mind. I pray I find a little quiet Far from the daily family riot May I lie back--not have to think about what they're stuffing down the sink, or who they're with, or where they're at and what they're doing to the cat. I pray for time all to myself (did something just fall off a shelf?) To cuddle in my nice, soft bed (Oh no, another goldfish--dead!) Some silent moments for goodness sake (Did I just hear a window break?) And that I need not cook or clean-- (well heck, I've got the right to dream) Yes now I lay me down to sleep, I pray my wits about me keep, But as I look around I know-- I must have lost them long ago!
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through for the large version. Good morning Webby The Muskrat is a regular visitor to our yard, his home is the dugout out back. Sue
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Teddy Deavers, 24 from Gaithersburg, MD Burglar calls cops for a ride FREDERICK, Md. -- Frederick police say a burglary suspect called them to ask for a ride home after he spent five hours out in the cold. Police said Sunday that they took 24-year-old Teddy Deavers into custody instead. The Gaithersburg man was being held Monday on burglary and conspiracy charges and couldn't be reached for comment. Police say Deavers and three others were spotted stealing copper from a construction site late Saturday night. Officers quickly caught three of the men. But they say Deavers remained at large until nearly 5 a.m., when he called police from a gas station and demanded a ride home. They say Deavers complained that he was cold and wet. Overnight temperatures were in the upper 40s.
From: Hank Re: Make Gmail the default mail Dear Webby, How do I make gmail my go to email. in IE, I select TOOLS, then INTERNET OPTIONS, then PROGRAMS. then EMAIL. How do I get GMAIL on the selection list here? . I was told I need a special program from GMAIL or MICROSOFT. can you help. When I am in a program and I have a selection saying EMAIL THIS, I would like it to go to Gmail compose. Now it goes to yahoo mail front page. Thanks Hank Dear Hank Microsoft gets into a snit when you use a better email program, and especially in W7 make it tricky to set a non-Microsoft email program as the default. To get around that childish behavior, you have to tediously hack around in the Registry, or get a little helper from Gmail to do that for you. They call it a Notifier. It notifies or calls Gmail and opens it. http://mail.google.com/mail/help/notifier/ Just download and run it, Right-click the Notifier icon in your system tray, Select Options. Check the box next to Use Gmail for internet mailto: links. Click OK. That should do the trick. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Bella The fragrance department of a major New York City store where I shop is always pushing the latest scents. Attractive models move about the floor offering to spray customers with the newest bouquet. One day, outside the store's restaurant, a model sprayed two women who had just finished their lunch. When one woman com- mented that the perfume was too strong, the model replied, "The fragrance will be softer once it dries and the alcohol wears off." "Shee!" her friend chided. "I told you not to have that shecond dwrink."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Touch-up Paint in Film Canisters Save film canisters and use them to store small amounts of leftover paint for touch-ups. Label each one and store in a handy place. Instead of a label, you can also just paint a part of the film canister lid with the paint for quick reference. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
At one point in my life I had considered joining the Baptist Church. For those of you who don't know, the Baptists practice total body immersion to baptize a person. Luckily I even knew a minister in that faith, since I was dating his daughter and it was her idea to start out with. I asked him if he would consider performing the service. He paused a minute or two, gave me a long thoughtful look and said, "Well, if you're serious about this, a dipping just won't do it for you. We'll have to find a place to anchor you overnight."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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The teller had just been robbed for the third time by the same man, and was being asked by a police officer if she had noticed anything specific about the criminal. "Well, yes," said the teller. "He appears to be better dressed each time."

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Second monitor for a laptop 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 18

OK, OK! I will keep doing the International Bonehead Awards!
That was a very refreshing storm of protest! I have not
received that much mail from subscribers for an awfully long time.
I will continue to do them, with mug shots.

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"Never let yesterday use up too much of today." --- Will Rogers
A motorist was on trial for hitting a pedestrian. The motorist's lawyer made this point: "Your honor, my client has been driving for over thirty years." To which the lawyer for the plaintiff retorted: "Your honor, if we are going to judge this case by experience, may I remind you that my client has over 55 years of walking experience."
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One Sunday afternoon, the Pastor's wife dropped into an easy chair saying, "Boy! Am I ever tried!" Her husband looked over at her and said, "I had to conduct two special services last night, three today, and give a total of five sermons. Why are you so tired?" "Dearest," she replied, "I had to pretend to listen to ALL of them!"
A lot of people asked me for the name of that yellow tree. Sorry, I don't know. A few people narrowed it down to a tree in Bolivia, but that is as close as anybody got. Click through for the big picture. On the war path again!
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD to Sang Eun Lee, 38, in Richmond Hill, Ontario, Canada Too drunk for a bra A drunk driver, who was told to remove her AA underwire bra, still broke the law, a judge ruled Thursday. If she had not been drunk, she would not have been locked up in the drunk tank. Sang Eun Lee, 38, tried to beat an impaired driving rap by accusing York Regional Police of violating her rights when they seized her underwire bra during an alleged illegal strip search after her arrest Jan. 30, 2010. But an Ontario court judge determined the woman wasn’t strip searched at all, and the arresting officer, a woman, was justified in ordering her remove the undergarment at the police station for the safety of herself, officers and other detainees. That is normal procedure with incarceration, not just with obnoxious drunks. Same as belts and shoe laces, anything, that could aid a drunk in commiting suicide or a further crime, is confiscated. “She did not arbitrarily select the defendant and decide to humiliate her,” Justice Anne-Marie Hourgian said of the officer in her ruling. The judge also pointed out Const. Jennifer Martin took Lee to a private room and didn’t actually ask her to strip. The officer testified she was “surprised” when Lee took off her shirt to remove her bra, Hourgian said. Martin expected she’d remove the bra through a shirt-sleeve, the judge said. In some jurisdictions, that is a common sobriety test. And she never inspected Lee’s chest, which she would have if she were conducting a strip search. She just made sure, that the drunk did not have that dangerous underwire while alone in the drunk tank. Standard procedure anywhere. Court heard that on the night in question Lee was drinking at Archibald’s on Yonge St., south of 16th Ave. When she left the Richmond Hill bar, staff had to help her to a taxi. The cab driver had testified there was a dispute and Lee decided to get out and drive herself home. The concerned cabbie called 911. Police caught up with Lee as she entered her townhouse complex several blocks away on Shaftsbury Ave. and parked in the wrong driveway. They claimed she was “dazed” and had problems with rolling down her window. She also stumbled and staggered when she got out of her car. Lee testified she was scared by the police presence and thought there may be some sort of emergency at her home. The Korean woman also claimed, through an interpreter, she didn’t understand the cops because they spoke in English. Lee’s lawyer, Leora Shemesh, asked the case be thrown out citing several Charter of Rights violations. She claimed police didn’t have probable cause to stop Lee, they didn’t explain her right to council in her native language and they conducted an unwarranted strip search. Canada's official languages are English and French. Talking like a drunk is not mentioned in the Charter of Rights. Justice Hourgian dismissed the Charter allegations and said she had doubts about Lee’s “credibility” after hearing “many inconsistancies” in her testimony. “I found her to be evasive in her answers to questions during cross-examination,” Hourgian said. The judge pointed out Lee attended an English university in the U.S. from 1993 to 1997 before coming to Canada. Hourgian also noted in surveillance video from the police station Lee had no trouble following officers’ instructions when she was arrested. Just another drunk. Lee was found guilty of impaired operation of a motor vehicle, no matter what language she was drunk in.
From: Rev Farren Re: Second monitor beside a laptop Dear Webby, I use a laptop for the internet...But I have an extra screen I had for my bigger puter... I found the cords for the extra screen and hooked them up...but now I can only work on the extra... I would like to be able to use both at the same time if possible...I do remember that you answered this question in the past... But I need help now? Please. Rev. Farren P Dear Rita Dear Rev Farren To use two monitors, you need a special video card. With laptops the video "card" is usually just a section on the motherboard, and space for additional, real, video cards is usually not sufficient. Contact the maker of your laptop, and ask them if they have add-on video cards for dual monitor operation. Dell, for example, makes a USB video card for $60 The USB 2.0 External Video Card allows you to connect an extra monitor to your desktop PC or laptop's USB port. The connected monitor can be configured to either clone your primary screen, or extend the Windows desktop allowing visibility of more applications at the same time. The USB 2.0 External Video Card driver used to control the extra screen uses very little computer resource and offers a vast array of screen resolutions and color depths. This ensures that there is little difference in performance between a directly connected screen and a screen connected through the USB 2.0 External Video Card. Probably other makers have similar external video cards, and with some searching around, you can probably find generic ones for around $15. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A mother traveled 2,000 miles to be with her only son on the day he was to receive his Air Force wings and also get married. "It was wonderful," she said later. "It isn't every day that a mother watches her son receive his wings in the morning and have them clipped in the evening."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leftover Cafe Need a fun way to get your family to eat leftovers? We have a "Leftover Cafe" night once a week. We decorate the table with fake flowers and candles, and play some music in the background. Taking turns each week, one of my daughters sorts through the fridge for leftovers from recent meals. Another makes a menu listing each food available. My little one just draws pictures, while my older daughter writes descriptions similar to what you might find on a fancy restaurant menu. One is the waitress, taking everyone's orders on a pad of paper and bringing them to the table with a French accent. I am, of course, the cook and am in charge of reheating everything. The kids think it's a blast, and actually eat more leftovers this way. Plus, it's great family time. Who knew eating leftovers could be so fun? By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A guy goes to the psychiatrist. "Doctor," says the guy, "I feel as if I'm two different people! Two totally different personalities. Do you think I need help? Can you help me? Am I doing the right thing seeing a psychiatrist?" "Stop! Stop!!" says the doc. "Please, one at a time."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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Quick Test 1) Some months have 30 days, some months have 31 days. How many months have 28 days? 2) If a doctor gives you 3 pills and tells you to take one pill every half hour, how long would it be before all the pills have been taken? 3) I went to bed at eight o'clock in the evening and wound up my clock and set the alarm to sound at nine o'clock in the morning. How many hours sleep would I get before being awoken by the alarm? 4) Divide 30 by half and add ten. What do you get? 5) A farmer had 17 sheep. All but 9 died. How many live sheep were left? 6) If you had only one match and entered a COLD and DARK room, where there was an oil heater, an oil lamp and a candle, which would you light first? 7) A man builds a house with four sides of rectangular construction, each side having a southern exposure. A big bear comes along. What color is the bear? 8) Take 2 apples from 3 apples. What do you have? 9) How many animals of each species did Moses take with him in the Ark? 10) If you drove a bus with 43 people on board from Chicago and stopped at Pittsburgh to pick up 7 more people and drop off 5 passengers and at Cleveland to drop off 8 passengers and pick up 4 more and eventually arrive at Philadelphia 20 hours later, what's the name of the driver? Answers: 1) All of them. Every month has at least 28 days. 2) 1 hour. If you take a pill at 1 o'clock, then another at 1.30 and the last at 2 o'clock, they will be taken in 1 hour. 3) 1 hour. It is a wind up alarm clock which cannot discriminate between am & pm. 4) 70. Dividing by half is the same as multiplying by 2. 5) 9 live sheep. 6) The match. 7) White. If all walls face south, the house must be on the North Pole. 8) 2 apples. I HAVE 3 APPLES, YOU TAKE 2, WHAT DO YOU HAVE? 9) None. It was Noah, not Moses. 10) YOU are the driver.

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Soft versus hard date in spreadsheets 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 17

Mowed for the last time for this year. When I went outside
in the morning, it seemed comfortable enough in the sun shine
at the back door, and I figured I would warm up from the 
exercise anyway.

So I went out in shorts and short sleeve shirt.
After a while I figured, that if I wasn't so tough, I would
probably put on some gloves. And thought that was funny.

Then a neighbor walked by, dressed in long coat and warm
cap. She is in her eighties and I figured more sensitive to
the temperature. She stopped and ranted at me, that I was 
going to catch a cold, so I told her, with hot babes like her
strutting by, it was plenty warm enough.

She didn't know whether to hit me with her cane or yell
at me, but she had a friendly grin on as she continued down
the sidewalk.

When I finished mowing and came in, I saw that it was 
three degrees above freezing outside. No wonder my fingers
had been cold and yearning for gloves!

Well, no more mowing this year. I just hope we don't get a
lot of snow. I am not supposed to do any shoveling. 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Liberals claim to want to give a hearing to other views, but then are shocked and offended to discover, that there are other views. --- William F Buckley Jr.
From Bob: About 90 fifth-graders piled into the airliner I was flying, on their way home from a school trip. Once we were in the air, and the crew began serving drinks, I could hear them pleading with the children to settle down and let the other passengers get some sleep. No amount of reasoning seemed to help, until I thought of the solution that actually worked. I picked up the PA mike in the cockpit and announced, "Children, this is the captain speaking. Don't make me stop this airplane and come back there!"
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

From Marv: Our seven-year-old daughter was thrilled when we took her to Disney World for the first time, and she headed straight for Space Mountain. I worried that the roller coaster would be too scary for her, but she insisted. To her delight, we rode it twice. The next year we returned to the Magic Kingdom, and my daughter, now eight, again dragged me to Space Mountain. As we stood in line, though, I could see her soberly studying the signs that warn about the ride's speed. "Dad," she said, "I don't think I want to go." I asked her why she would be nervous when she had enjoyed herself last time. She replied, "This year, I can read."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD There has not been any feedback or comments about the International Bonehead Awards for a long time. I wonder if anybody notices if they are missing?
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rita Re: soft versus hard date in spradsheet Dear Webby, my husband is using a spreadsheet as a daily log. I'm not complaining, it's a great improvement over a loose pile of cigarette packages with semi-legible scribbles. The problem is that he used a formula that puts in the current date. @(today). Every midnight each date changes to the current date. I realize, all the past dates are lost. How can I rig it so that new dates put in stay nailed down to THAT date ? Thanks Rita Dear Rita In Quattro, tell him to use CTRL D instead. That just puts the date number into the field. If that column is formatted for displaying the date, it will show as the date, but the value in the cell is a number, not a formula, and it won't change. In Excel it is similar, but not as easy to remember. Instead of D for Date, Excel uses the semi-colon ; CTRL ; inserts a static date that does not change. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Some racehorses are standing in a stable. One of them starts to boast about his track record. "In the last 16 races, I've won 8 of them!" Another horse breaks in, "Well in the last 27 races, I've won 20!!" "Oh that's good, but in the last 37 races, I've won 29!" says another, flicking his tail. At this point, they notice that a greyhound dog has been sitting there listening. "I don't mean to boast," says the greyhound, "but in my last 91 races, I've won 89 of them!" The horses are clearly amazed. "Wow!" says one, after a hushed silence. "A talking dog!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Ice off the Car Winter in Alaska where we live can be so harsh! No matter where you live, though, scraping ice off of your car in the early morning is just no one's idea of fun. This is the BEST WAY to keep your windshield frost free. Wipe the windows and windshield of your vehicle down with white vinegar, undiluted, after you park your car for the night. This will prevent frost from building on your car, and who doesn't LOVE that? By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bill and Mary were married for 50 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. Mary wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what colour shoes she had to go with the dress. Mary replied, "Silver." At that point, Bill chimed in, "Yep silver - to match her hair." Shooting a glaring look at Bill's bald spot, Mary's friend sweetly said, "So Bill, I guess you are going barefoot."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A customer walks into a restaurant and notices a large sign on the wall: $500 If we fail to fill your order! When his waitress arrives, he orders elephant nuts on rye. She calmly writes down his order and walks into the kitchen where all hell breaks loose! The restaurant owner comes storming out of the kitchen. He runs up to the customer's table, slaps five $100 bills down on it and says, "You got me this time buddy, but I want you to know that's the first time in ten years we've been out of rye bread!"

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How to move programs 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 16

Thanks, Hermon!
Thanks, Sig G.!

Tonight I mention another forgotten wall flower in the
Thech Support Pits: Laplink Mover
Yeah, you have seen it there in the left side margin for 
the last 17 years or so, but just ignored it. Well, it is 
still there.

If you have been wondering if this weeks Windows bug fix was
sabotaging your machine, you were right. It did. 

It messed with your carefully arranged start-up sequence.
Just arrange all the icons for the programs, that you used 
to have starting automatically, in one corner of the desktop,
and manually start them. Possibly the problem will be fixed
in a future bug-fix. Don't count on it, though.

If you have stalled with this weeks bug-fix, deny it. 
You are better off without it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"He who seeks a friend without fault remains without." --- Old Turkish Proverb "Don't marry for money; you can borrow it cheaper." --- Scottish Proverb
A man was driving to work when a car ran a stop sign, hit his car broadside, and knocked him cold. The other car slid into a gas pump and caused a minor fire. Passersby pulled him from the wreck and revived him. He began a terrific struggle and had to be tranquilized by the medics. Later, when he was calm, they asked him why he struggled so much. He said, "I remember the impact, then nothing. I woke up on a concrete slab, saw a lot of fire and behind it a huge 'HELL' sign. Until somebody moved, I did not realize that there was an 'S'!" in front of the "HELL".
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

A Kindergarten teacher was observing her classroom of children while they were drawing. She would occasionally walk around to see each child's work. As she got to one little girl who was working diligently, she asked what the drawing was. The girl replied, "I'm drawing God." The teacher paused and said, "But no one knows what God looks like." Without missing a beat, or looking up from her drawing, the girl replied, "They will in a minute."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dameka L. Bryant, 37 Half naked fight about ribs Police said an argument over some barbeque Monday night resulted in fighting and property damage. According to Iowa City Police criminal complaints, officers were called to 1231 Sandusky Drive at 11:25 p.m. Monday for a report of an argument outside. Officers said they found a woman, later identified as 37-year-old Dameka L. Bryant, of 1958 Broadway St., standing in the driveway of the residence wearing only her bra and panties. Police said the residents of the home said Bryant had returned after leaving earlier from a barbeque. The residents told police Bryant became angry about the residents eating what she considered her barbecue ribs. The residents allegedly told Bryant to leave, at which point she kicked two holes in the drywall and threatened to beat them up. Police said Bryant ended up outside the residence after a scuffle inside. Bryant showed signs of intoxication, but would not consent to a breath test, police said. Bryant was placed under arrest for fifth-degree criminal mischief and public intoxication. Police said Bryant tried to pull away from officers after being handcuffed and kicked at the officers. She also refused to put her feet inside the squad car and had to be pulled in from the opposite side. Bryant was charged with interference with official acts for resisting with officers. Bryant was released on her own recognizance Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Wayne Re: Moving programs I wish to take your advise on keeping the "c" drive lean (10 gigs)? But my laptop is over a year old and I don't know how to transfer programs, file, etc to my external hd or my formatted drive. Help? Dear Wayne Files, that you produced or collected, are easy. You can just drag them over there. Programs are tricky, unless you have Laplink Mover. Laplink Mover is made to migrate programs from one machine to another without any cussing and swearing. It is not quite free, but well worth it, if you want to avoid the cussing and worrying. If you don't have Laplink Mover, first you have to find the registration numbers, CD or download file. Once you have all that stuff ready, install it on the new destination, as if you were moving to a new computer. When it is working right at the new location, then you can un-install it at the old location. That is quite tedious, I know. Until you do that, just move the files, that you have produced or collected, to other drives, and install any new program, that you acquire in the future, onto the other drives. By the way, I started using Laplink Mover in the late 80's, when I was a mobile troubleshooter, like the geek squad is nowadays. In those days I used Laplink Mover and a special cable provided by Laplink to move and install programs via the printer ports of computers. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honour" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning a Can Opener To clean and disinfect the wheel of a can opener, just use white vinegar and an old tooth brush. Dip the toothbrush in the vinegar and scrub clean. Swish in hot soapy water and rinse. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Sarah's a little girl was sitting and watching her mother do the dishes at the kitchen sink. She suddenly noticed that her mother had several strands of white hair sticking out in contrast on her brunette head. She looked at her mother and inquisitively asked, "Why are some of your hairs white, Mom?" Sarah replied, "Well, every time that you do something wrong and make me cry or unhappy, one of my hairs turns white." The little girl thought about this revelation for a while and then said, "Momma, how come ALL of grandma's hairs are white? What did you do?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The Sunday School teacher asked her students to draw a picture of their favorite Old Testament story, and as she moved around the class, she saw there were many wonderful drawings being done. Then she came across Little Johnny who had drawn a old man driving an old car. In the back seat, there were two passengers, both scantily dressed. "It's a lovely picture," said the teacher, "but which story does it tell?" Little Johnny seemed surprised at the question. "Well," he said "that's a Plymoth Fury like Uncle Ted's got up on blocks in his yard. And it says in the Bible that God drove Adam and Eve out of the paradise in a Fury!"

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The Facts Of Life 

The Facts Of Life The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage before you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from Where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends






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Get rid of old log files 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 15

From Bev
I took your advice and ran registry booster and it fixed 
everything. The best $30.00 I've ever spent.   
Thank you so much.      
Bev

Glad it worked for you as well as it does for me.
That is why I have kept it in the side menu since I started
using it years ago.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they do. --- Plato First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who "Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts." --- Socratex
Here is a nice old classic to start the day: A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110. He left behind 4 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great- grandchildren, 10 great-great grandchildren, - and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $24.79, and I gave the cashier a $50 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a Twenty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it. Luckily the next check-out lane had a lady working there, so I took my stuff over there and wrote my phone number onto my Fifty.
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture. This one bloomed today. It is a rare Ferro, not the regular Ferro, that looks like a fire hydrant from the distance, but it too has the strong, flat and curved spines, that are strong enough to hoist it up by them.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fulton in Oceanview, Virginia With mom driving getaway vehicle, Virginia robber is busted A man is behind bars after being shot as he reportedly tried to rob a Sub-shop and restaurant. The driver of the getaway vehicle was his mother. It all happened Saturday, October 1 at Philadelphia Hoagie Factory in Ocean View, Virginia. Police say Michael Fulton threw on a skull mask and tried to rob the owner, Carnet Horton, as he tried to take out the trash. Employee Moses Howard heard the commotion. "I was inside and all of a sudden I heard, 'Pow! Pow!' I came running out and my boss said somebody tried to rob us." The owner’s wife, Kim, says the robber pulled out a flare gun and demanded money. She said her husband put up a fight. "As soon as he pulled his gun, the man started to run and that's when my husband started shooting at him and he just kept going," described Kim. Fulton's mother picked him up minutes later in a blue truck. Fulton was arrested shortly after the incident and remains in jail. Police say his mother’s involvement did not warrant an arrest. After all, it's Virginia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Log files to delete Dear Webby how do we find those log files to delete. Also in control panel I see lots of updates for Windows and Java is it necessary to keep all of those accumalated pieces in there? RON P Dear Ron CrapCleaner will assist you in getting rid of those old updates. With Log files, if they don't show in the root directory, don't worry about them. Just keep the root directory clean and lean and mean. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A fellow who had just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It’s actually quite simple," the old feller replied. "I just never argue." "That’s impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 150 years! The old fellow stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. "Hmmm," he finally shrugged, "maybe you’re right."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out, the man asked if he could give him a cure for the hiccups. The pharmacist immediately reached out and slapped him across the face. "What'd you do that for?" the man asked. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" "No," the man replied, "but if you look out that window,... do you see that sumo wrestler shaking that telephone pole and coming in now? That's my wife with the hickups."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there in Italy." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, in Italy, they use cheap domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

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What to do when your computer is slowing down 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, October 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Concerns about computers slowing down seem to be the most
frequent requests for help. 

Aside from using basic tools like Registry Booster and
CrapCleaner, the biggest difference is keeping the C: drive,
and especially the root directory on the C: drive as lean as
possible.

Right, do EXACTLY the opposite of what Microsoft tries to do
in their attempt, to make your computer slow and senile.
Do NOT install programs onto the C: drive!
Partition the hard drive and if possible, add a second hard drive.

I always partition the hard drive and make the C: drive 
really small. 10 GB is plenty. The smaller it is, the faster 
Windows can find it's marbles.

Any program, that you install, runs just as well on the E: drive.
( D: is usually reserved for the CD/DVD drive )
The third partition, F: I use for the data, that I produce
with the programs on the E: drive.

If you have a small C: drive reserved for JUST the 
Operating System, you get maximum speed and maximum 
reliability.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --- Oscar Levant Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. --- Socratex
Thanks to Rose for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples in America is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her sister's Night Blooming Cereus, shot by her sister's hubby Gene. Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelsey Grobmeier, 19 and Michael Kaufman, 20 Shoplifters forget their babies LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Authorities say a couple shoplifted a cell phone and makeup from a Walmart, but forgot two children as they fled the store. Police in Louisville say 20-year-old Michael S. Kaufman took a cell phone and tried to take a tablet computer, destroying the attached display in the process. Police say 19-year-old Kelsey Grobmeier hid makeup under a baby car seat. When confronted, the couple fled, leaving a 3-year-old and 18-month-old behind in the store around 7 p.m. EDT Wednesday. Police say Grobmeier returned to the store about an hour later to retrieve the children. Kaufman and Grobmeier are each charged with theft, criminal trespassing, endangering the welfare of a minor and tampering with physical evidence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Computer is slow Dear Webby My computer is running slow. I've run disk defrag,disk cleanup and vacuumed out the computer. I have XP and am on a dish. What else can I do to get back to normal? I enjoy the newsletter with my coffee every morning. Thank you. bev Dear Bev Have you tried Registry Booster ? I have used it for a few years and find it makes a nice difference. Moving files away from the C: drive onto a removable USB drive also helps. Windows needs lots of elbow room and seems to work best when the C: drive has at least 40% free. Check and see if you have any log files accumulating, for example Open Tabs on browsers logged every 5 minutes. Those are just very tiny text files, taking only a tiny bit of space. However, Windows needs a file handle for each one of them! Weed those out to just one per month. Getting rid of a few thousand little files like that will make a huge difference, especially if they are in the root directory. There may be other files, that you can move out of the root directory. The leaner you make the root directory, the faster yourmachine will run. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Gayle for these questions and answers about Mad Cow disease Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me? A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesnt bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow. Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat? A. They say memory is affected. What was your question? Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane. A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a flock of geese. However, I don't allow them to fly over the house. Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull? A. He would be the one wearing high heels
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ That is not really a good idea, and may be against the building code in some areas. The gravel would hide drips and leaks, leading to weakening or destruction of the foundation. Just get a bag of ready-mix concrete, they come in small lady-sized bags nowadays, hardly heavier than the average make-up filled purse, so as not to discourage women from working in construction. Mix it with water and pour a little concrete pad sloping away from the house. A bag of ready-mix is usually under $10. Fixing a sagged foundation can be tens of thousands of dollars. You can make your run-off pretty and artistic by adding colorful river rocks or pebbles. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Barb for this one: A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Flora: Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor was it by my front door. I was stymed, so I called the development's manager. "The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome package," he assured me. "We mailed it to you last week." So I asked him if his day job was in politics.

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Toner and Ink packing material 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 13

Had to drive to Calgary for some tests. They mostly just
listened to my heart and told me, that they would set up an 
appointment for an angiogram sometime next month.
Cant be too drastic, or they would have done it right
there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. --- John Kenneth Galbraith All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often. --- Stanislaw J. Lec,
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Thans to Betty for this one: My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion?" she asked. "Nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Wilson, 50 100th arrest PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — A man accused of stealing socks and underwear led police on a foot chase before he was caught hiding behind a trash bin, then arrested for the 100th time. Joseph Wilson, who turned 50 this year, reached the dubious milestone Thursday in Port St. Lucie. According to an arrest affidavit, Wilson walked out of the Bealls department store at 10135 U.S. Highway 1 with the merchandise under his clothing. When a loss-prevention officer tried to confront Wilson, he jumped into a waiting minivan and ordered the driver to "take off," the report said. Wilson's friend didn't take off, so the suspect hustled out of the other side of the vehicle and ran away, according to the affidavit. The officer lost him, but a witness called police a short time later to say Wilson was in the bushes in a Wendy's parking lot just down the road. When two officers arrived and found Wilson, the sweaty suspect first said he was out for a jog and just trying to cool off behind the trash bin. Eventually, he cited "hard times" and was taken into custody without any further struggle, the report said. The merchandise Wilson is accused of stealing was worth $174. Prior to Thursday, Wilson had a record that included 37 felony arrests, 47 misdemeanors and 15 others. In all, he's been convicted in 35 of those incidents.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dimitris Re: Popcorn packing Dear Webby It is always nice to get appreciative fan mail. Here is a picture of a Laser toner cartridge a fan sent back for a refill: Yes, real popcorn! The warehouse crew saved me a cup full of it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Our toner cartridges are precision made to keep the micro-fine toner powder from leaking out, so there is no danger of popcorn causing any problem, as long as it is not buttered. However, the smell of the popcorn may be a bit too tempting to some hungry soul handling the package in transit. There is no need to go buy expensive packing material. Some wadded up shopping bags will do just fine. As a treat from fans, what we appreciate the most is a picture!! Dimitris Dear Dimitris At your low prices and the high cost of shipping, I didn't think it was worth shipping toner cartridges back to you. Maybe you can add a map to atlantic inkjet.com that shows the areas, from which shipping back empty cartdridges is a good idea. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Ed I was inspecting facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said, "and checking how deep the snow is. by blowing some of it away with the props." As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Rotary Cutter A handy holder for a rotary cutter is an old glasses case that is closed on one end and open on the other. Insert cutter into case, roller edge first, and it keeps your cutter out of the way of small hands. By Nancy from Magalia, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

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Sexual Advice 

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’

The woman was mystified.

'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?

'Of course,' the doctor replied.

'Where do you think Liberals came from?’



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Moron Love 

Moron Love Bob pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!"

"What makes you say that" the bartender inquired?

"Last week," Bob explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman, the postman, the paperboy, the UPS man, and several of the neighborhood guys came by, she 'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"




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Underlined Hotkey letters in menus 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 12

I was surprised to read that in the latest incident of piracy, 
the Italian ship Montechristo, that was hauling scrap iron
from England to Vietnam, had no means of communicating
with rescuers, once they hid in the armored area of the ship,
aside from throwing a bottle out a porthole.

Troops from a British and a US war ship stormed the hijacked
ship and arrested the pirates. It just seemed strange, that
they had no other form of communication from the secure
part of the ship. Let's hope other ships traveling through
pirate alley are better prepared!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. --- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
A little boy who is rushing out of the house pauses in front of his father. "Dad," the boy says, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" "Son, it just wouldn't be right," his father says. "That's okay," the little fellow says. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joe Jesus German, 19 Car thief falls asleep in stolen car MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Florida police said a man accused of burglarizing several cars was arrested after the owner of one of the vehicles drove it away with him sleeping in the back. Miami Beach police said Joe Jesus German, 19, stole property from several vehicles Sunday in a valet parking garage at the Fontainebleau Resort before falling asleep in the back of a white Infinity, WTVJ-TV, Miami, reported Tuesday. "The defendant was later located inside of a vehicle he burglarized, by the vehicle owner who was driving home and found defendant passed out in his back seat," the arrest report said. Alan Rodriguez, the vehicle's owner, said he was driving with his uncle when they noticed the man sleeping in the back, WFOR-TV, Miami, reported. "I thought he was hiding at first," Rodriguez said. The men called police and German was arrested on five counts of burglary. Police said they found the keys to several vehicles in his possession.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Underlined letters in menus Dear Webby I used to have one letter underlined in each menu choice, and you could just hit ALT and type those letters to drill down a whole bunch of levels in a menu instantly without ever using the mouse. After my daughter prettied it all up, that feature is gone. The machine is XP, so it should not be difficult to restore the underlined letters, but how do you do it? Fran Dear Fran Right-click the Desktop, Choose Properties, Click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects button Remove the check mark from the line "Hide Underlined Letters for Keyboard Navigation Until I Press The Alt Key" That makes the underlines all appear, just the way you are used to seeing them, ready for shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging, that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one of the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Socks The answer to lost socks! I just bought inexpensive, mesh lingerie bags that can be found at places like Target or Walmart. I placed one on a hook in the closet for each of my 3 daughters. They simply throw their socks in the mesh bags when they come home. On laundry day, I ask everyone to get their sock bags and throw them into the washing machine, making sure they are all zipped up. I then wash them and throw them into the dryer as is. When they're dry, the kids take their own bag and sort their socks themselves. They then put the sorted (or unsorted) socks back into their bags and take upstairs to dump out into their sock drawer. By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

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Difference between POP and Webmail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 11

It seems Yahoo/ATT/sbcglobal has succeeded in annoying 
quite a few people sufficiently, that they are moving to 
other email providers. Considering the huge number
of good alternatives, that should not be any hardship.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius." --- Sid Caesar After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done. --- Socratex
A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger hopelessly overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I never have this problem." She smiled and said, "Sir, when you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $100 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $100, and he thought it might be a joke or a typo. However, he was intrigued and soon decided it was worth a shot. He went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house. "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $100?" "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Britnay Jackson, 19, Joshua Best, 22, and Nikhil Rajniel Lal,19, Thieves left car on the train tracks PORTLAND, Ore. - Police were able to track down the owners of a car that was abandoned on the MAX tracks and struck by a train. Around 10 a.m. Tuesday when some people staying at the Travelodge at 949 E. Burnside Street woke up to find that several items were missing from their room, including the keys to a 1999 Subaru Legacy. Earlier that morning, around 2 a.m., a MAX train struck the car near 118th and E. Burnside Street where it had been abandoned on the tracks. No one was hurt - the car was empty and there were just a few people on the train at that early hour. The car was pulled off the tracks and train service resumed. Neither the train nor the tracks were damaged in any way, but the front of the Subaru is totalled. The passenger compartment was miraculously intact and undamaged. Detectives later linked the car to the robbery at the Travelodge. They then tracked down the suspects using surveillance video from the motel, which showed the three coming and going from a different room. Police simply went to that room and took them into custody. The suspects who were arrested are 19-year-old Britnay Jackson, 19-year-old Nikhil Rajniel Lal and 22-year-old Joshua Best. All three face charges in connection with the motel room burglary and Lal and Best face additional charges in connection with the theft of the car. They were booked into the Multnomah County Jail and will be arraigned in court on Wednesday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: Difference between POP and webmail Dear Webby What is the difference between POP and webmail? I know, there are lots of longwinded explanations on the web, but they go way over my head. I need your type of explanation. Jackie Dear Jackie Actually, there are three types of mail: POP (or POP3), IMAP, and Webmail. POP is the oldest type, from the days when you paid by the minute for Internet access, and just quickly downloaded your email, disconnected, and processed your mail while off-line, including writing responses and new email, then briefly went online again to fire off all the prepared email. The key is that the mail is downloaded into your computer, and processed on your computer with your favorite email program. Naturally, you don't have to go off-line any more, unless you are traveling and just going online with your laptop at different airpot lounges and airplanes. WebMail is the opposite. There everything stays on the server. Examples are Squirrel Mail, Hotmail, Yahoo Mail, etc. You don't even need your own computer. You can just visit cyber-cafes and use their computer. Nothing gets downloaded into that computer, unless you deliberately download a file to burn it onto a CD or thumb-drive. You have to use the email program of that particular email provider, for example Hotmail or Yahoo mail, and if they decide to make some drastic changes, tough luck. That is YOUR problem. IMAP is like POP in that you can use the email program of your choice. However, the files by default stay on the server, as if it was Webmail. The reason for that is so that you can read and answer mail from work, with the work machine, but keep the mail on the server, until you get home and download them like POP email onto the home machine. Decent email providers will give you a choice and let you set your mail to POP, IMAP or Webmail. The better ones, likeWebby, even automate it. You can do your mail with Webmail AND with POP and IMAP. For example, check your mail from a friend's place with webmail, and leave everything on the server, then haul it down with Eudora or Outlook or whatever, when you get home. Gmail needs to be set to enable POP. However, it only takes a moment and is not a big deal at all. Click on the gear in the right top corner, Click Forwarding and POP/IMAP Select Enable POP for all mail or Enable POP for mail that arrives from now on. Configure your POP program, if necessary, and click Save Changes. After that, you can process your Gmail with any full featured email program of your choice. And there certainly is a huge pile of different email programs to choose from. Email programs are like religions. Some people get right defensive and fanatic about them, especially when they realize, that their program is a flakey nuisance, but they are scared to convert to something else. It is important to keep in mind, once you have switched to POP or IMAP, you are no longer a hostage of an email provider or ISP. You can change ISPs and email providers without losing any email, because now your email and your email program is on your computer. Configure your POP client* and click Save Changes. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late. A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your phony letter did not arrive."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Margarine Tub as Sprinkle Container A new use for reusing margarine tubs. Get out your trusty old hole punch for this one. After washing the tub and lid, punch a few holes along the rim of the lid to make a sprinkle container. We use ours for sprinkling cinnamon-sugar on the kids' morning toast. They love to use it, which saves me a bit of time, as well! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered since."

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Gmail Address Groups 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 10

An old friend finally got fed up with Yahoo mail, and being
called a silly yahoo because of his unreliable mail, and got
Gmail. Bill has probably used Yahoo mail for almost as long,
as I have used Eudora, so the switch over was not painless.
"What do you mean, the gas pedal is on the right?"

After I finished writing to him tonight, I realized that a lot 
of you out there will need this info sooner or later. 

Here is part of what I wrote to Bill:

The browser view of your mail is just a very limited 
courtesy viewer, intended to be used, when you are away 
from your own machine, and just quickly checking your mail 
while STANDING at the contractor's counter at Home Depot 
or while visiting a friend. 

That is why we call it a Stand-Up viewer.
It does not download the mail into the borrowed courtesy 
computer.

A stand-up viewer is NOT a full featured email program!
If I would get a dollar for every time I mentioned that to 
somebody, I would be eating meat!

Full featured email programs are, for example Eudora, Pegasus, 
Outlook, Alpine, Balsa, Blitz, etc.
Have a look at the long list at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients
and take your pick.

The classic ones like Eudora and Pegasus have had 
address groups for over 20 years. Outlook has them for almost 10 years. 
And so on. Most full featured email programs have groups or lists 
nowadays. I remember using the groups in Eudora to send out the 
Humor Letter in the early 90's, until I needed an automatic subscription 
form in the mid 90's.

All you do is select a full featured email program. 
If you already paid for Microsoft Office, then you already have 
Outlook installed on your computer. 

Use it with any ISP based POP email address for a day or two 
to get familiar with it.

Set your Gmail to POP in the settings, and tell your email 
program to also check your gmail address.

That's all there is to it. 
Then you have full featured email, not just the limited stand-up 
browser view.

A limited version of categories IS available in the stand-up 
browser-view for Gmail:
It is called Groups.

Creating contact groups 

To create a contact group: 
Click Contacts along the side of any page. 
Click the New Group link on the left side of the Contact Manager, 
or select Create new from the Groups drop-down menu. 
Enter the name of the group. 
Click OK. 

To add contacts to a contact group: 
Select the contacts in the Contacts list. 
Open the Groups drop-down menu. 
Select the group you'd like to add the contact to, 
or select Create new to create a new group. 
If you have multiple addresses saved for a contact, 
you can choose which address should belong to 
the contact group by opening the contact and 
clicking the small arrow next to the group you'd 
like to modify.

Sending to a contact group 

It's easy to send to contact groups. There are two 
ways to address a message to a contact group 
you've created:

From the Contact Manager: 
Log in to Gmail. 
Click Contacts. 
Select the group you'd like to send to. 
Click All at the top of the contact list or select the 
individuals you'd like to send to. 
Click Email in the group details pane. 

From the Compose window: 
Log in to Gmail. 
Click Compose. 
In the To: field, enter the first few letters of the name 
of the contact group to which you'd like to send the 
message. 
Select your contact group from the list of addresses 
the auto-complete feature suggests. 
Compose your mail. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards "I hate the expression 'A friend is a present you give yourself.' Gag! A case of Heineken is a present you give yourself. A friend is somebody you don't have to talk to once there's food on the table." --- Sabrina Matthews
A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was obviously very wealthy showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $20,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. "A steal at only $7,500." The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $129.95. The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it is just an informal wedding."
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A butcher just out of trade school applies for and gets a job in Montana, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. The first job he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer. He finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and marking them with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc. When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is left with a pile of unidentifiable parts. At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all into one bag and labels them ....moosellanious. ---------------- Just a bit North, across the border, we call that "stew meat"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture. This picture is a bit light,but the reality of it was spectacular. There was a 'rain' of meteors and dancing northeren lights at the same time,in the middle part (still hours N. of Stockholm with car) of Sweden. Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Rose Owens, 18, of East Bethel, Minnesota Former babysitter came back as burglar An 18-year-old Minnesota woman has been arrested for a residential burglary, accused of sneaking into her neighbor's house through the doggie door. The woman has blamed her actions on debt and an addiction to pornography, Anoka County sheriff's spokesman Paul Sommer told The Huffington Post. Amanda Rose Owens of East Bethel, a city located about 30 miles north of Minneapolis, was charged on Wednesday with second-degree burglary. If convicted, she could face up to 10 years in jail and a $20,000 fine. According to Sommer, Owens' neighbor, Darin Paul Pake, 44, contacted police on October 3 and reported that a burglary had taken place at his residence on Earskin Street Northeast in East Bethel. Pake told police that a camera, a briefcase and a jar of money were missing. Pake said that he had been noticing that, sporadically, belongings were missing and he had installed a surveillance camera in an attempt to capture the culprit on film. It worked. Pake showed detectives footage of Owens, a neighbor and babysitter he had once used, entering his home through a doggie door. The video captures Owens rummaging through Pake's possessions and, apparently after working up a thirst, grabbing a Red Bull energy drink from his refrigerator, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary T Re: printing cost Dear Webby Our printing costs are getting out of hand. A friend mentioned that you explained that in great detail, but could not find the issue, where you did. Can you please explain it again? Mary T Dear Mary T With Laser printers, the cost per page is 1/4 to 1/8 compared to inkjet printers, depending on make and model. If you get a really cheap or free inkjet printer, they really rip you off with the ink. At the other end, commercial or industrial usage laser printers are more expensive to buy, but really cheap to use. Plus they last a lot longer. I bought a DELL 1320c color laser about 4 - 5 years ago and have replaced the toner with cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet, whenever it runs empty, and it is still printing like it did on the first day. Fast, clean, beautiful colors, and very economically. Another benefit of laser printers is that there is no ink, that dries up or spills. They use a dry toner, that does not mind in the least, if it sits unused for any length of time. It is already dry anyway. The toner is a waxy powder, that gets melted into the paper during printing. However, even if you decide to stay with liquid ink printers, you can usually save about 75% when you buy your ink from Atlantic Inkjet. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my mother-in-law!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But nobody better call me Louise!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "MOOMMM!!!!", she shrieked, "come quick! IT'S THE STORK!"

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Red Xes in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 9

Hopefully you saw some of the falling stars last night!
It wasn't warm out, but the wind stopped, so it was 
actually quite pleasant.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. --- H. L. Mencken Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato, 2300 years ago.
Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat. "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed. "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, with his library card on top. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name and card numberon each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "Grampa is right. Education is not what it used to be. The last librarian we had, she knew how to write."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Silvretta Lake is an artificial hydro lake. The construction of it in the 40's opened the area for hiking and climbing.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Donald Gartner, 48 Pasco County man jailed twice in 1 night LAND O'LAKES, Florida (AP) - Pasco County Sheriff's deputies say a man released from jail after causing a drunken disturbance, was arrested again after he tried to break into two cars in the jail's parking lot. Authorities say 48-year-old Donald Gartner was arrested Sunday afternoon after deputies found him crawling out from under bushes at his neighbor's house. They say Gartner, who was intoxicated, was charged with criminal mischief. The St. Petersburg Times reports Gartner was released from jail about 10 p.m. Sunday. Deputies say while he was outside waiting for a ride home, he tried to get into two cars in the parking lot. He was arrested again, less than two hours after his release, and charged with two counts of attempted car theft. Gartner remained in the Pasco County Jail Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Red Xes in Email Help!! many time I receive Email with attachments. In the body of the Email are little RED X's which I assume indicated that 1 photo from the attachment should go there. It is a pain in the dupa to open each attachment to view the photo. Any way to do this easier? John Dear John That happens, when the sender has a sub-standard email program and messes up. Attachments listed at the bottom may or may not fit into the red X spots. There is nothing you, as the recipient, can do about that, except to tell the sender to sober up and try again. I would not worry about it. Usually the stuff coming from that type of sender isn't really worth keeping anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Another library joke: Little Johnny asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian. Little Johnny thanked her and went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it." he said. "Which book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. Replied Little Johnny, "Tequila Mockingbird."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He said, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat bran muffin."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."

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Font color tricks 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 8


When they can't figure it out, they will just make up a 
new name.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of senility. --- Socratex
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Sure, mighty oyster wrestler. Try that twelve foot 'gator behind you!"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a nasty fall and broke both of his legs. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kraig Stockard, 54, of Delhi, California Burglars turn victim in for child porn DELHI, Calif. (UPI) -- Authorities in California said a pair of admitted burglars were not arrested after turning in child pornography allegedly belonging to their victim. Deputy Tom McKenzie of the Merced County Sheriff's Department said a 19-year-old and a juvenile broke into a Delhi barn belonging to Kraig Stockard Sept. 12 and took 50 CD-Rs they believed to be blank, KTXL-TV, Sacramento, reported Thursday. However, when the burglars attempted to burn music onto the CD-Rs, they allegedly discovered more than 30 of them were filled with child pornography, the report said. "[A] family member convinced the two suspects to come forward; they contacted law enforcement," McKenzie said. He said Stockard had reported the burglary. "I'm kind of surprised that he wanted to draw attention to himself, knowing what was taken," the deputy said. Investigators seized three desktop computers and three laptops from Stockard's property. Deputies said he is believed to have been allegedly downloading child pornography since 2004. Stockard was arrested and charged with possession of child pornography. He was released after posting $25,000 bail. The burglars were not arrested. "We did not actually go out and arrest the suspects for the burglary. They were obviously the lesser of two evils," McKenzie said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dani Re: Wrong font color Hi Webby, For those who are unable to read the fonts due to dark on dark color, they can also highlite it and it will appear light in color. Dani Dear Dani Right, you can also use that trick of quickly wiping he mouse over the bottom left corner of a page, to see hidden counters and whatever else the webmaster may have hidden there. CTRL A selects (highlights) the entire page. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thyanks to Brenda for this story: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!!!!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Bottle With Diluted Dish Soap To save on dish soap, fill a spray bottle one-quarter full of soap and top it off with water, give the mixture a good shake to mix well, and close the bottle. Spraying this on dishes cuts grease and saves a little money. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I have used that trick with industrial citrus based cleaner for many years. The same spray also works great on soft and shiny vinyl floors. I spray the section in front of me with one hand and swing a string mop dampened with hot water with the other hand as I back up. After using that method since I got the current flooring ten year ago, it is as shiny as on day one. By the way, I use the same type of spray bottle, but painted yellow, and filled with a thin olive oil, instead of the outrageously overpriced cooking spray. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it."

» Visions of Earth







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Fake YouTube emails 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There was a nasty and wet north-wind blowing, when I went for
my evening walk, so I wore my good old cowboy hat. It kept 
most of the horizontal rain and spray off my glasses, but didn't
do anything for my ears. If the weather doesn't improve
soon, I'll be digging out my Calgary Flames hoodie.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. --- Erica Jong
My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Ruthie a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Ruthie was at school, he disappeared again. My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Ruthie, my niece took the cage out of her room. When Ruthie came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother's lap. "We have a serious problem," she announced. "Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage."
If you want to make some money on the side,
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A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a letter, the only problem, was that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'. He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese." No, that won't work, he tried again: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right? Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern, I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me a second one."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Last-ride-at-the-landing-for-2011
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick John McKeen, 48, Cape Coral, Florida Cape man charged with DUI while riding bicycle Responding to a traffic crash on Southeast 15th Ave on Sunday, Cape Coral police found a man lying on his side, with his face down, straddling a bicycle and holding an open can of beer. He was conscious, but onlookers did not want to move him, according to a police report. When he was asked what happened, Patrick John McKeen, 48, told police he was riding his bicycle home from a bar while drinking a beer and fell over. After failing field sobriety exercises, McKeen was placed under arrest for DUI, an uncommon charge for someone riding a bike in the Cape. He declined a breath test but told police he would likely blow a .35 because he is an alcoholic, but that he had not spilled his beer and was just resting.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: Fake mail from YouTube Dear Webby From Rick Dear Webby I have received a few emails now, claiming to be from YouTube, some about my video having been deleted, -even though I don't have any videos-, some about "personalizing my YouTube experience". Somehow I suspect, that those emails are phony, and I have not clicked on the links in them. What's the story? And how can I tell for sure? Rick Dear Rick They are as phony as a xeroxed Three Dollar bill. If you get MailWasher, it will show you the actual addresses and links, not just what the scammers are trying to fake. And it marks that stuff for deleting. That way, if you don't watch it and just hit PROCESS, it will automatically delete that crap right on the server, without downloading it to your computer. If you don't get MailWasher, just be extra careful, and be aware, that the scammers have your address. They will soon try other tricks. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Tags from Aluminum Roof Flashing You can make garden tags out of leftover aluminum roof flashing (the kind on a roll). I took a simple tag design that I drew, printed it out on heavy paper, and cut it out. I took that template and a sharpie and traced that design onto the flashing metal multiple times. I cut it out with regular scissors, then punched a small hole with a hole punch for a place to hang them. The garden tags can be decorated by embossing if you like, simply etch the name of the plant you are identifying with a sharp tool. By jason0475 from Collegeville, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, " the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the traditions of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?" Brothers, we must take this to God," said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, have sent My Son to Israel."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

» Beautimous Rocks







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Difficult to read font colors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 6

On my evening walk today I noticed, that Halloween is 
sneaking up on us. 

There was light rain falling, so I started out with a jacket,
but going up the road to the water tower got too warm, 
and took it off. It isgetting dark a lot earlier, but as 
long as I am moving briskly, it is not too cold.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. --- Nancy Astor Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Interviewer: Congratulations on winning the lottery. Farmer: Thank you. Interviewer: Do you have any special plans for spending the money? Farmer: Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming 'til it's gone.
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain, but usually unsuccessful, attempt to do that with the aid of a golf club."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Tyrone McCoy, 18, of Melbourne, FL Robber returns to scene, gets arrested West Melbourne police officials say a robber was arrested Monday night after he returned to the scene to reclaim the wallet he had stolen from a teenager, then stashed nearby with the handgun he used in the crime. John Tyrone McCoy, 18, of Melbourne faces one misdemeanor count of petty theft and a felony count of robbery with a firearm. The West Melbourne Police Department said McCoy hid the items in a frantic dash from responding police officers and returned 15 minutes after the officers had slowed their search for a suspect. “It’s pretty common for a criminal to return to the scene,” said Cmdr. Steve Wilkinson, a spokesman for the West Melbourne Police Department. “But we had no idea he was going to come back and retrieve the items from his hiding place.” Around 8:05 p.m., a young man approached a 17-year-old boy at West Melbourne Community Park and forced him to the ground with a black handgun, the police said. The robber stole the boy’s wallet as the victim lay on the ground. “The victim felt like he was going to be shot,” Wilkinson said. “That was the robber’s intent: to make him believe that.” The robber left on a bicycle, which also was stolen. Responding officers set up a perimeter around the park at 3000 Minton Road. But they came up empty. It wasn’t until about 15 minutes after the police broke down the perimeter that an officer spotted a suspicious vehicle. Wilkinson said that before the robber fled, he hid the stolen wallet and his black handgun near the baseball field bleachers at Minton Road and Flanagan Avenue. But this time, the man was in a car with two women. “The officers saw a car with lights on, and there shouldn’t be anyone there because the park was closed,” Wilkinson said. “They broke down the perimeter, but they didn’t give up looking for this suspect.” Wilkinson said McCoy was found with the wallet and the black pistol, which proved to be a BB gun. The victim positively identified McCoy as the suspect, the commander added. The armed robbery charge McCoy was arrested on is a first-degree felony punishable by life in prison. He was held this morning at the Brevard County Detention Center and is due for an initial court appearance this afternoon. Detectives wouldn’t rule out that the robbery was a setup and that the other people inside the car were involved.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Remy Re: Unreadable font colors Dear Webby From Remy Dear Webby With halloween approaching, a lot of web sites are using a black or midnight-blue page background. That makes their normally navy colored text unreadable. How can anybody be that stupid ? And how can I read their text anyway? Remy Dear Remy Most likely you have your browser set to use YOUR color choices for text and for links. Click in your browser on TOOLS Internet Options Accessibility In there take off the checkmarks. That allows the browser to use the text and link colors specified by the webmaster of the site that you are visiting. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Chuck filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," Chuck thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. By Roxy from St. Louis, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Same as at college, just stealing cars, and running moonshine." They've never called back.

» Prairie Pups







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When text is too large 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 5

Thank you Ivan!

From Maureen

Dear Webby
My 5 year old son Thor is just starting to read,
and he saw that Limerick at the bottom of your newsletter,
while I was talking with some visiting friends.

The thunder god went for a ride,
upon his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor," he cried.
The horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly."

Naturally, he spotted his name from a distance and had
to go and read it. When he read it aloud, we all cracked
up and nearly bust a gut. He didn't quite get it, but he sure
relished the reaction he got, and quoted it to anybody and 
everybody, who would stand still long enough, for the rest
of the day. I'm sure he will remember that for the rest of
his life!
Maureen

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. --- Ernest Benn The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward
And what was the culmination of events that led you to file this action," asked the man's attorney in the divorce hearing. "All through our marriage my wife was less than reasonably responsive to my sexual initiatives," replied the husband, "but the clincher came one morning at the breakfast table." "Why? What happened?" "She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes up, I will be having a headache all weekend.'" --------------- Abstinence makes the heart go wander.
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The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for a snowstorm!"
Tanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maykel Calafet Calderon, 28, and Manuel I. Telles, 38, both Cuban natives living in Miami Owner tracks stolen boat 2,500 miles away JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- The owner of a powerboat stolen in Florida was 2,500 miles away in Nevada but was still able to tell police where the stolen craft was headed, authorities said. A Global Positioning System device on the 32-foot, $260,000 boat told the owner through his cellphone, that the craft, stolen Wednesday in Jacksonville, Fla., was being hauled north on Interstate 95 in Brevard County, Florida Today reported. With help from a police helicopter, deputies located the stolen Ford F-250 towing the 2009 Yellowfin Yachts Center Console and arrested two men, after they exited the interstate. Maykel Calafet Calderon, 28, and Manuel I. Telles, 38, both Cuban natives living in Miami, were arrested on charges of theft. "The owner giving us updates was by far the thing that assisted us the most," Todd Holland of the Brevard County Sheriff's Office said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: Text too large Dear Webby The text is so big it fills my screen twice! How can I reduce it to human size? Thanx, Ed Dear Ed Hold down the CTRL key and scroll the mouse wheel. In one direction it increases the ZOOM, in the other it decreases it. Just find a comfortable setting. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Here is an annual favorite. You have to read it out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in cue. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Important Numbers in Cell Phone Contacts With so many numbers to remember, here's a great way to keep it simple. If you have a number that is difficult to remember: a pin number, lock combination or ID number, hide it on your phone! Make an entry in your cell phone's contact list for a made-up name. (Make sure you won't confuse it with someone else!) Turn the number into a phone number. Place it at the front, middle or end of the number, put it in backwards or make it only every other number for extra security. Log it as your "friend's" number. This way, you'll have it at hand without giving it away. Even if your phone is lost or stolen, no one will know your secret. Don't have a cell? Use the same trick to add the number to your address book! By Anda from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bea for this one: On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup. "Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!" My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box. As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The man told his doctor that he just wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English... What's wrong with me?" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're simply a lazy old fart." "Thank you for your candor," said the man. "Now give me the latin term, so that I have something to tell my wife!"

» Young @ Heart Thrills







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How long to learn HTML 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 4

If you are using McAfee and Firefox, don't use the 
"Site Advisor" option. It will cause FireFox to crash two to
three times per day. By now you probably know yourself 
already, which sites are safe and which ones aren't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. --- Bertrand Russell Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
If you want to make some money on the side,
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When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter she had written: PS. Dear Sue, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, less than half of them." Click through for the big picture. For those, who asked for a picture o those falls from a bit farther back: Aboe the falls, where I took this picture, are a few, very nice cedar benches, with bronze plaques commemorating the people, in whose memory the benches were placed there. I always stop, and even if I don't sit on a bench, I mentally greet the person, whose name is on the plaque. Sunday I climbed on top and stood on the backrest of one of the benches, to get the angle for this particular picture. From the tree at the edge, much larger in yesterday's picture to the "beach" at the top edge of the falls, it's about 150 feet.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Meghan, 26 and Timothy, 19, Fleming in Salem, Oregon ID'd by Tattoo SALEM, Ore. - What happens when you give a homeless guy some money and then ask for it back? It gets you arrested - well at least it did in one woman's case. The whole situation went down Thursday outside a PetSmart store on Lancaster Drive N.E. in Salem. According to police, 26-year-old Meghan Fleming went shopping at the store and on her way out decided to give a few bucks to a homeless man who was outside. So far so good but police say Fleming changed her mind about handing over the cash after getting to her car. So she drove up to the man, pointed what looked like a handgun at him and demanded that he give the money back to her. A man in the car got involved as well and also demanded that the homeless guy hand his money over. The homeless man ended up giving her the money, which wasn't much (police say it was $5). He then walked into the PetSmart store and told workers there he had just been robbed. Those at the store were familiar with the woman the man said had robbed him and were able to give police her name. Fleming was arrested a short time later at her home. Police say she had her two 2-year-old twins in the car with her when the incident unfolded and they were turned over to relatives. "Meghan certainly could have asked for her money back, but that was not the case," Lt. Steve Birr with the Salem Police Department said in a news release. "She crossed the line when she pointed what looked like a firearm at him and demanded he hand over the money." The man who was in the car with Fleming - 19-year-old Timothy Fleming (her nephew) - later turned himself in to police in Turner. The 'gun' turned out to be a BB gun. Police say the victim was just out of prison and didn't want to press charges, but the District Attorney's office decided to pursue the case. Both Meghan Fleming and Timothy Fleming are charged with armed robbery and are now sitting at the Marion County Correctional Facility.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mia Re: How long to learn HTML Dear Webby how long does it normally take to learn HTML? Mia Dear Mia It takes half an hour to learn the basics from free tutorials, a month of using it to get comfortable with it, teaching it to others for half a year to get really good at it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use That Bucket of Soapy Water After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/garage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The thunder god went for a ride, upon his favorite filly. "I'm Thor," he cried. The horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly."

» Autumn Vistas







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Alternate speakers for the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 3

I snuck out this morning to get some fall color pictures and
drove up to Sheep River Falls. The trick there is to be early,
not just before the crowds, but before the sun is overhead 
or behind the falls. Luckily I seem to be almost the only one
to know that. 

There sure were a lot of vehicles headed up there when I
was coming back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." --- Alan Minter "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." --- Greg Norman
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." "OK, if you say so!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
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Thanks to Gran for this story: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison and blew the main beaker for the building.
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that." "Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing." Click through for the big picture. I managed to sneak out this morning and get some fall pictures.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Albert Tejeda, 31 in Casa Grande, AZ ID'd by Tattoo CASA GRANDE, Ariz. – A man was arrested after fleeing from police during a traffic stop. A Pinal County sheriff’s deputy tried to conduct a traffic stop on a 2003 Toyota vehicle for a traffic violation Monday morning in the area of First Street and Jimmie Kerr Boulevard. The driver pulled over, but as the deputy approached the vehicle, the man sped off, prompting a police pursuit outside of Casa Grande. The chase was called off when the suspect drove into a residential area and construction zone. The driver was identified based on records from the Motor Vehicle Division, that indicate the suspect has tattoos on his face. He is identified as Albert Tejeda, 31. Deputies caught up to the suspect as he was walking near Second Street and Cameron Avenue. He was carrying a duffle bag with a Samurai-style sword sticking out. Tejeda resisted arrest at first, but a K9 unit was deployed and he was taken into custody without further incident. He faces charges including felony flight from pursuing law enforcement vehicle and misconduct involving weapons. Plus, speeding in a construction zone.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trinity Re: Computer Sound Dear Webby From Trinity Re: Sound
Dear Webby, My computer corner is one of those "hutch" type desk/shelves combos and I have no room for big speakers, plus I don't want to shell out the ridiculous amounts of money they want for them, when I have a perfectly good Surround-Sound music system already in the room. Is there a way to tap into the squeaker-speakers that came with the computer? Trinity Dear Trinity Yes, sure there is. Have a look at your sound system and find a socket labelled AUX in the front, or four screws or clamps labelled AUX in the back. Measure the distance between the computer and that AUX connection and get a shielded sound cable of that length with a 1/8" 3 wire plug on the computer side, and whatever size plug you need on the sound system side. Before you plug it in, turn down the volume on the computer way down so as not to blow up your sound system. Keep in mind that your sound system has a very powerful amplifier. Gradually turn up the volume. Most computer sound cards work best in the lower quarter of their volume range. Use the sound system's amplifier to get the volume you want. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Miss Prussy was going over mischievous Melvin Messpot's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a big fat pile of chicken sh*t."

» Octoberfest







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Copies of XP 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 2

Thanks to Penny for this:
Dana Perrino ( Fox News) describing an interview she recently 
had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries he had 
been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? 
His reply: 
"Oh no ma'am, we don't go there to talk." 


Luckily the Presidential directive of "Courageous Restraint"
only applies to regular troops and Uniformed Social Workers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"Without freedom to offend, there is no freedom of Speech." --- Salman Rushdie The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting new tires for her car."
If you want to make some money on the side,
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A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dyan Castorena, 40 Inmate fled work detail PHOENIX – The Arizona Department of Corrections is searching for an inmate who walked away from a work crew in Tolleson Friday morning. Dyan Castorena, 40, was working at the Manheim auto auction near Van Buren Street and 83rd Avenue when she took a car from the auction and drove away just after 11 a.m. She was last seen leaving the auction in a four-door silver or gray Toyota Camry driving west on Van Buren Street. Castorena is housed in the Piestewa Unit of Arizona State Prison Complex - Perryville. Arizona Department of Corrections teams from Perryville and the Lewis prison were dispatched to apprehend her. Castorena had been sentenced to 1.5 years out of Maricopa County for theft and has been in prison since July 13. It is not likely, that she will make it across the border and is facing five to ten years in maximum security, without a fresh air work release.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rob Re: Copies of XP Dear Webby I put a copy of my Windows XP onto my daughter's computer after the hard drive on it went south and had to be replaced. It does the automatic updates just as regularly as mine. There is nothing to worry about. Rob
Dear Rob Yes, you are right. Some stats program at Microsoft simply adjusted the percentage of people who run the same serial number on more than one machine. As long as it is just in the family, they usually don't make a fuss. If you were putting the same Windows serial number onto a few hundred machines in a company, then you would hear from their lawyers or the cops. However, as far as I know, the automatic updates and bug fixes work anyway even if the same serial number is on more than one machine. With Microsoft Office you have to be more careful. They can axe that, just as you are trying to save a big document, and force you to pay for it right then and there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, while the women are cleaning the table, the father invites the fiance into the living room. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks. "I'm a bible scholar," he replies. "A bible scholar," the father says, "admirable...but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father, "How will you support children?" "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide. Later that evening, the mother is alone with the father and asks him "So, how did it go?" The father says, "He has no job and no plans. But, he thinks I am God!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian Scout laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dog to find the fire hydrant!"

» Too Cute







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Soaked Surveyor's Tripod 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 1

Thanks to Carole for this:

Dear Webby, heres one you might can use. keep up the good work.  
Carole

It finally is making sense !
Check your shampoo bottle label. I don't know WHY I didn't 
figure this out sooner!!!! Its the shampoo I use in the shower! 
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body 
and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this 
warning, FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY! 

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!! Well! I have gotten 
rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish 
soap instead. Their label reads, 
DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO 
REMOVE. Problem Solved!!! 

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!!!
Your Blond friend.
Carole

I wonder how many people will now fill their bra with shampoo
while they sit in a tub of dish soap?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." --- Jack Penn Whaddya mean with that? A mistake, that is not repeated, is a stepping stone. DearWebby
When my sister got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room when my sister came down the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, I'm not crying about that. Good Riddance! It's time you cleaned up your own mess!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to delivered the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny eventually became a certain president's chief fund raiser. Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Burnett, 29, of Teaneck, N.J. Robbed same bank three days in a row New Jersey resident Charles Burnett, we think he might have got the words should and shouldn't confused. On Monday morning, he pushed his way to the front of the queue at a Manhattan bank and handed a note to the teller to say that he had a gun and wanted some cash. On paper, it sounds like a good start. On the security camera, not so much. Burnett had failed to wear any disguise but wore gloves. That morning he only made $2,258. The next morning, rather than spending his money on a trip to Mexico and a new look, Burnett decided to head back to the same bank for more. This time he made around $14,000. The bank noticed they had a fan and sent security camera images of Burnett to the police and local papers. The next day, with all the staff and local authorities familiar with his face, he returned to rob the bank again. This time he made $10,002 but didn't make it very far before he was caught. Burnett was arrested by a pair of police officers passing by the bank as he exited Wednesday. "They tackled him today just as I was coming in," said teller Danielle Stephens, 25, who was present during Tuesday's robbery. "He ran out onto Gold Street and they tackled him." "Same guy, three days in a row," Stephens said. Obviously he wanted to get caught. He didn't seem like he was all there." Burnett was charged with three counts of robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Soaked Tripod Dear Webby What do you mean with "well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod"? Do you mean the tripod of a well soaked or drunk surveyor? Frank
Dear Frank Surveyor's tripods are usually made from ash or beech wood, and as they age, they become hard and brittle. That causes them to transmit and even amplify the micro-tremors of the earth, both natural ones and from vehicles. Soaking the tripod in a creek or in the shower softens the wood and makes it absorb those micro tremors. That makes a huge difference in the sharpness and clarity of long zoom shots. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work,"said the man. "How do you think you'll do that?" asked , his co-worker. He proceeded to show...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the man hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. began walking out too. The boss asked, where was going. answered, "I'm going Home...........I can't work in the dark."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
With tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I had a pastor friend who went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses didn't work so well. In fact he was experiencing dizziness every time he looked through them. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses," he said. "You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick."

» Art of Nature







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Don't use Digital Zoom! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you Cindy!


Thanks to Neil for this valuable info about moving the HOME 
button on recent versions of FireFox:

To move firefox home button (or any other for that matter)
Open the Customize window via "View > Toolbars > Customize" or 
via "Firefox > Options > Toolbar Layout"
Drag the Home button from its current position at the right to the 
left end of the location bar. 

Thanks Neil!
Ignore the stuff that opens, just take that as a signal, 
that the top of the browser is unlocked, and that you can drag 
any and all stuff around.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --- George Burns A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. --- William Blake (1757 - 1827)
A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and said, "Jill, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?" The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't it?"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a Yuppie started to choke on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor. He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out. As the man's breath & voice returned he said, "I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?" The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what you were willing to pay while you were choking."
Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg." The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a cedar chest." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to First American Funding Co. Columbus mortgage firm hit with largest 'no call' fine in state history A Columbus residential mortgage company has been ordered to pay $144,000 to the state for violating the Wisconsin "no call" law, in what the attorney general is calling the largest judgment against a company for violating the law in state history. First American Funding Co. was sued by the state earlier this year for "massive violations" of the no-call law. The no-call law allows phone users in Wisconsin to put their phone numbers on the no-call list, supposedly prohibiting companies from making unsolicited sales calls. According to the state's complaint, First American Funding made about 3 million telephone solicitation calls in 2010, with half or more of those calls in some months going to numbers on the "no-call" list. "As this judgment shows, those who ignore the Wisconsin 'no-call' list do so at their own peril," said Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen in a press release announcing the judgment. If First American Funding violates the terms of the settlement with the state, it could face up to $750,000 in fines. More than 60 consumers filed complaints about the company with the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Herber Re: Digital Zoom Dear Webby I am not at all impressed with the Digital zoom on my camera. How high is it safe to go with it? Herber Dear Herber Don't use the digital zoom at all. It's just idiot bait that sales people use to catch people who don't have a clue about digital cameras. All the digital zoom does is increase the size of the pixels. That makes it appear almost like a zoom or an enlargement in your paint program, except it makes everything coarse and jaggy. Leave the digital zoom set at 0 or 1, get a sharp picture, and enlarge that, if necessary, in your paint program. With the real glass zoom, clarity and sharpness depend MORE on how steady the camera is than on the price of the optics. For the absolute steadiest base of a camera, use an old, soft leather purse filled with sand or bird shot. Second best is a well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod. Third best is a twenty-pound or better movie camera tripod. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story: "I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'" "So I took up a collection."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Cut Flowers Last Longer To prolong the life of cut flowers in a vase, add a couple of drops of chlorine bleach. Never submerse any of the stem with leaves in the water. It adds to the decay factor. By Teresa from Vine Grove, KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual. A couple of weeks later I came home from work to find my fiancee quite upset. She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check, and on the memo line I had written "Escort Service."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish... He really wanted a drink, but he just couldn't bring himself to buy one.

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Roboform and FireFox 7 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 29

Got the results of the tests. Apparently my heart was pumping
at 38% of what it should have. That is no surprise to me. 
In that silly torture position I shut down like a tiger waiting 
for some food to come close enough.

They are going to do the walking test next week.
I wonder if they are practising or training?


Sandie asked me about the Tritium, that supposedly escaped
at the Palisades nuclear power plant in Michigan.

Tritium is a harmless isotope of hydrogen, and like hydrogen
or helium, it goes straight up. In captivity, it fires off Beta
particles, just like the green dots on gramma's alarm clock.
They go about a quarter inch in clean air, less in dirty air,
and they can not penetrate the dead outermost layer of skin.

If you were hoping for mutated mutts and purple cats, you
are out of luck. Tritium has always been around power plants,
but since it is harmless and rather useless, nobody except
reporters desperate for something to exaggerate, has paid
any attention to it. Tritium is like the Ozone generated in
light switches and breakers. Yes, sure, and so what?
It is measurable, but of absolutely no consequence.
Don't worry about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Think you can, think you can’t; either way, you’ll be right. --- Henry Ford "There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Socratex
Thanks to Bill fro this: You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Pop. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

A girl said to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He replied, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"
I overheard a couple talking while they came out of a ressaturant and discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, each of the hogs back on the farm are worth more than a tractor." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misael Ruiz, 31 in Salinas California Man Posing As Female Prostitute Shot By Stun Gun SALINAS, Calif. -- Monterey County sheriff's deputies said they arrested a 31-year-old Salinas man who posed as a female prostitute before getting into a fight on Highway 101. On Tuesday night, Bryan Oster offered to pay Misael Ruiz, who he believed was a woman, $60 for sexual acts, Deputy Nicholas Kennedy said. Ruiz agreed and got into the 36-year-old's 1986 Silver Nissan, authorities said. After doing the sex acts inside the Nissan, the prostitute attempted to take more than $60 from Oster while he was driving, Kennedy said. The two men broke into a fight that eventually spilled into the street. "Oster produced a Taser electric stun device and repeatedly tried to use this device on Ruiz in order to retrieve his cash," Kennedy said. While wearing women's clothing, eyebrow liner, and lipstick, Ruiz fought back by beating Oster with a large rock, deputies said. While the two men were fighting, witnesses called 911 and deputies arrived on the scene at 11:25 p.m. Both men were arrested and booked into the Monterey County Jail. Ruiz, of Pearl Street in Salinas, was charged with prostitution and Oster was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, deputies said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sue Re: RoboForm problem with FireFox 7 Dear Webby You talked me into using RoboForm many yeaars ago, and I am very glad and grateful you did. The other day FireFox updated to version 7, which is OK, except for putting the HOME icon onto the far right corner, which is usually shoved beyond the edge of the screen. What is NOT OK is that RoboForm does not work with FireFox7. What do you recommend? Going to an earlier version of FireFox? Thanks Sue Dear Sue Just go to roboform.com and download the current version, and do a really lazy install. It takes a while converting all your 6900 user names and passwords to the new format, so don't be impatient. Close down FireFox and let it do it's thing, while you go do the dishes. If you close down FireFox after starting the RoboForm Re-installation, it won't need your input, and it will be quite safe to even have breakfast. When you return, start up FireFox and it will have the familiar RoboForm bar and all your passwords will work as usual. However, if you get impatient and start FireFox before the RoboForm re-installation is completed, it won't work, and there might even be a danger, that you trash some passwords. So, do a lazy and patient installation, without messing around while it does it's thing, and it will work just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Moon Sand For "moon sand", mix 9 cups play sand (really fine sand you can find at Wal-Mart). Add 3 cups cornstarch and 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 cups water. Start with 2 1/4 cup and continue adding water until you have the desired consistency. Mix well. Cover and store in an airtight container. You may need to add a few tablespoons of water if it needs to be moistened. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man walked into a beer joint near Waco and ordered a beer. Just then President Obama appeared on the television. After a few sips, the stranger looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass, too," he muttered. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him and knocked him flat. The man said, climbing back up to the bar, "This must be Clinton country!" "Nope," says the bartender, "horse country." ------ Feel free to change the names in that joke. Originally it featured Napoleon.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Ralph was an Air Force colonel. He routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize himself with their capabilities. One day he was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear. A young major showed him his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew--like instant messaging." Nodding, he moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Hide the game! Brass coming your way!"

» Glass harmonica







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10 Misconceptions of Moms and Back-to-School 

Misconception Number 1:
Moms miss their kids when they go back to school.

Seriously. I've had enough of you by now. Every morning with the "what are we going to do today, Mom?" is finally over. I've had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It's time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It's over..You're going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it's called "back to school".

Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.

Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a 200 dollar bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What's wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn't mind so much..why not pencils, erasers and vodka ...or some Nyquil.

Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.

Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You're the teacher. I'm the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can't get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I'm pretty old school. If he doesn't listen to you, you can throw something at him. I don't care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I'm paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I'm pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I've never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We're all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah. Can I leave now?

Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.

How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn't have a nickname..call him "stink butt" for all I care. We don't have any "special circumstances" that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight. If that qualifies as a reason he can't get his homework done on time then he won't be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to "educate" him on that life lesson.

Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.

What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it? From now on I'm covering it the old way, brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can't multitask?

PS. Please tell my son if he can't find his lunch to look in his science book.

Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.

What? I am scared out of my mind. I'm pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don't really know my 12 times tables. I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don't know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song "conjunction junction what's your function" if that helps at all. And please don't even say the words "new Math" to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?

Misconception Number 7: Moms can't wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.

I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of "mom fun", lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with. I'm sure someone likes sardines.

Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.

I don't know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn't at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework. Why not do it on the weekends and call it "after-hours activities" so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don't worry about us though I'm sure that me and "what's his name" will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don't mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.

Your bus comes at 7:10 am..which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast, chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I'm taking a shower. Get it together! I don't like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming "Please wait" or "If you stop I'll show you my boobies."

Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school.

We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO's run million dollar businesses. But you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you've made the world a better place."




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List picture names on CD into a file 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 28

I did all the tests at the hosital, except the six minute walk
with an escort. They chickened out. Instead of it they cranked 
the MRI bench into an uncomfortable position, and made me
stretch my arms above my head for half an hour. Apparently 
that stresses the heart the same way. A lot less fun, though.
I will find out the results tomorrow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. --- Walter Lippman
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled... "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person, who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read: "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way to avoid getting court-marshalled for stealing a ship." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Minarsich, 28 in Iowa City, Iowa Sex Bid Rebuffed, Woman Hits Man, Is Nailed By Cops SEPTEMBER 27--“All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?” That’s what Melissa Minarsich said to police last night when they arrived at her Iowa City home in response to a call of a “female out of control.” As detailed by Minarsich, 28, she got into an altercation with her boyfriend “because he would not have sex with her.” An Iowa City woman is accused of ripping a door off a house and striking her boyfriend because he refused to have sex with her. Melissa B. Minarsich, 28, of 131 Taft Speedway, is charged with domestic abuse assault, second offense, after the argument at 10:24 p.m. Monday at her residence. Officers were called to the residence for a report of a female out of control. Minarsich’s boyfriend, with whom she has an 8-month-old son, said she became upset when he refused to have sex with her, according to police reports. Minarsich, who smelled strongly of alcohol and had slurred speech, admitted to police this was the case. “All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?” Minarsich asked the police. Minarsich is accused of hitting her boyfriend a few times without injury and ripping the storm door off the house. She was previously convicted of domestic assault in Iowa in 2009, according to records.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: List picture names on CD into a file Dear Webby I want the names of the pictures on some CDs listed in a file, that I can pull into a spreadsheet for sorting and finding specific pictures, without having to load all the CDs and search through each of them. I'm sure you have some trick similar to your xcopy trick. Erin Dear Erin Yes, sure. If you just want the file names, and assuming your CD is in the D: drive, use dir /b D:\ > listname1.txt then for the next CD use dir /b D:\ > listname2.txt and so on. Then you can open those text files, copy the content and paste them into a spreadsheet. Paste them into column B, and copy for example CD-1 into the cells in column A as far down as there are file names. Then do the same for the next CD file, but label each row in column A for that CD. You can even color each batch with a different background color. That way you can later sort them alphabetically, and instantly see which CD has the file you are looking for, for example, light green, CD12. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Western Australian Police have just launched a new unit that roves around dealing with trouble spots. It was launched on with an assignment to control crowds at a large concert; it made the TV news, with an officer proudly saying they were the: "Fast Action Response Team" ... gotta love their acronym" F.A.R.T.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Comment from Susan: I would have annotated this (yesterday's tip about using a dog-tag instead of a medical alert bracelet) by urging someone with serious medical issues to get a Medic Alert bracelet or necklace to wear on her person 24/7. EMTs are not to be looking at her car keys if they come across this person in a diabetic coma, they will be looking at her neck and wrist and taking her vital signs. If she had a car accident and her keys are in the car and she's in the road, nobody is going to rush to her car to examine her keychain. Medic Alerts carry a phone number they can call for detailed information and the item itself carries the most important information, not just "Diabetic". It's true you have to pay more for Medic Alert but if one's health is of concern it's well worth it. This tip could convey a false sense of security to people with medical issues. Susan Keep Pins in Prescription Bottle Keep straight pins in a prescription medication bottle. This keeps them out of children's hands. By kirstenenswan from Logan, UT http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A new employee is invited to the boss's house for dinner, just as a way of welcoming him into the company. After they had eaten a large meal, the new employee leans sideways on his chair and lets rip an almighty fart. The boss, with a look of disgust, turns to the man and says, "How dare you fart in front of my wife?!" The man replies, "Oh, I'm sorry -- I didn't realize it was her turn!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

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Force copying without stopping due to problems 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 27

By the time you are reading this, I will be on the road to
Foothills Hospital on the far side of Calgary. They want 
to do a whole bunch of fancy testing, from MRI to injecting
me with a radioactive dye to measure exactly how much
blood my heart pumps per stroke. 

One of the tests supposedly has me instrumented for 16 EKG
measurement points and hiking the hallways of the hospital 
"for six minutes while accompanied by an escort". 
Yeah, sure.
I imagine the escort will be some old docs on an electric
golf cart, yelling at me to walk slower, but I am quite willing
to let them surprise me.

I'll tell you all about how it went tomorrow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again." --- Socratex "Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, with a deliberately slurry and sleepy voice: "Don't be silly, the attack lasted only 6 hours! I just got to where I ducktaped that preacher's mouth, when it ended."
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A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her little daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just say what you heard Mommy say." the woman said. Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lawd, why in he-all did I let Dave invite all these ungwatefull smobs to dinner again!?!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Red Maple among the Blue Eyed Marys
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andy Huynh, Nicholas Kalscheuer and Nicholas Fiumetto, all 19, in Covina, Cdalifornia Three Stooges Three Covina men are behind bars after they allegedly stole a 30-pack of Tecate beer from a market and attempted to escape but crashed a car and hit an employee who chased them, then one ran through a car wash and another left behind his ID. Andy Huynh, Nicholas Kalscheuer and Nicholas Fiumetto, all 19, were arrested Wednesday on charges of robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and resisting arrest, according to a Covina police report. Kalscheuer and Fiumetto entered the Baja Ranch Market about 3 p.m. Wednesday while Huynh remained behind the wheel of a car nearby. Inside the store, Fiumetto grabbed a 30-pack of beer and the two men ran out. Employees ran after the pair into the parking lot, grabbing and detaining Kalscheuer and later turning him over to police, according to the report. Fiumetto, meanwhile, threw the beer in the car and jumped in the front passenger seat. As Huynh pulled out, an employee jumped on the hood of the car to avoid getting run over. Huynh careened through the parking lot, crashing against a curb and sending the employee onto the pavement, scraping his arms in the fall, according to the report. Huynh and Fiumetto ran off. Fiumetto climbed a fence and ran into the Citrus Car Wash next door. Pepe Pinedo, the car wash manager, was standing amid drying cars when he saw Fiumetto, pursued by two officers, run into the car wash tunnel. At the time, "there were two cars being washed in the tunnel," Pinedo said. "He got into the wash and the rollers and got all wet." "By the time, he came out of the car wash, the officer was already on the other end of the tunnel," he continued. "It was kind of funny. It was a nice show." Huynh ran off but had left his wallet and identification in the car. Police officers contacted him later and convinced him to turn himself in. All three men are expected to be arraigned in court Friday. Until then, they are being held in Covina City Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trudy Re: Force copying Dear Webby When I try copying my mail directory over to the machine that has the CD burner, the Windows Explorer keeps tripping up on all kinds of silly things, and of course each time aborts the copying. This is driving me absolutely nuts! Is there a way to do it from the DOS command line? Trudy Dear Trudy That problem goes back a lot further than Windows and is a bug in the copy command. Somebody forgot to put in a way to recover from an error, just list it and get on with the job. Incidentally, that is one of the major reasons DOS or Windows never got mission critical certification. Luckily around the time of DOS 2 somebody ported the UNIX xcopy command eo DOS and Microsoft later adopted it very quietly. Even though it works well, to this day there are very few people that seem to know and use it. As is common with UNIX commands, xcopy has about two dozen "switches" to make it do exactly what you want. If you want to see and print all of the options, go to the command line: START RUN cmd then type xcopy /? You might want to print out the list of switches, or write your favorite ones on a piece of tape on the monitor rim, like a lot of pros do. To copy a directory (folder) and it's subdirectories without stopping for machine specific config files, which you don't want to copy or overwrite anyway, and copy only those files which are newer on the source than the destination, copy hidden and system files, overwrite Read-Only files, not show the list of files as they scroll down the screen, and YES, dangit, copy the stuff without any silly prompts, then use these switches: xcopy source destination /S /V /C /H /Q /R /Y You don't have to be at the source or the destination for that to work. You can have that command in a text file with a .bat extension, and hae that file in your toolbox folder, or even on your desktop. Like all DOS commands, xcopy works fine in bats. You can put that line into a batchfile and make a desktop shortcut icon to it. That way you simply click on that shortcut icon and it wheelbarrows all the new or changed files in your mail directory AND it's subdirectories over to the machine with the CD burner, without any fuss whatsoever. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost much. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads. The fee for that is only $750."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."

» Molten Chocolate







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True Story or Urban Legend 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 26


All that accomplishes for them is losing respect. 
Nobody likes the searches at the airports, and any group
trying to get exemptions on religious grounds just isolates
them. They obviously won't get their exemptions, so why
be a nuisance about it?

Until now the Sikhs had earned respect by being more
mature and civilized than other turban wearers, but events
like this will erode that respect very quickly!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience except that it is soluble in alcohol." ---Thomas Blackburn To do is to be --- Descartes To be is to do --- Voltaire Do be do be doo - --- Frank Sinatra Make love, not war --- Richard Leary Hell, do both, get married! --- Rosy
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You can gladly take her with you."
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On a high school science quiz in Florida there was the question, "When water becomes ice which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume.." Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture. The geese are getting organized for their trip south.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marsha Munley, 37 and William Rice, 44 of Denham Springs, LA Crooks busted after they walked into Sheriff's Office DENHAM SPRINGS, LA — According to Fox 44 in Baton Rouge, a rash of vacuum thefts in Livingston Parish had the Sheriff’s Office baffled. That is until the thieves unwittingly drove themselves straight into Deputy custody. During the afternoon hours on Wednesday, Sept. 21, a deputy looked out of his office window and couldn’t believe what he saw. It was the vehicle they had been seeking in connection to a series of thefts that had occurred over the past week at a car wash establishment. Detectives determined that the couple would break the lock mechanisms to gain entry into vacuum cleaners and steal the coins they found in the trash containers located inside. (Not the coin operation strong-box, but the odd coins vacuumed up along with cigarette butts and dropped fries.) No less than four businesses were victimized by the pair. The investigation is ongoing and more charges are forthcoming. The vehicle had been caught on surveillance cameras. The driver of the 1990’s model red and white Chevy Suburban that was caught on tape went into the Sheriff’s Office to file a theft complain in an unrelated matter. Detectives took the statement of William Rice, 44, of Denham Springs and his female companion Marsha Munley, 37, also of Denham Springs. Once they took the statement, the duo was taken into custody and they were each charged with 3 counts of Simple Criminal Damage to Property and 1 Count Simple Theft. The investigation is ongoing and more charges are forthcoming. Rice and Munley are currently locked up in the Livingston Parish Detention Center. Their bond has been set at $2,000. Officials say that Rice and Munley would break the lock mechanism to gain entry into vacuum cleaners and steal the coins in the trash.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ms Liebsock Re: TRUE STORY Dear Webby TRUE STORY ... Dear Ms Liebsock Whenever you see "TRUE STORY" and it comes from AOL, it is a hoax. Also, if it comes from AOL and you read "As announced by Microsoft (or IBM, or AOL, or McAfee, or etc.) you can also file it on the same shelf. And take it with a big grain of salt. For tons of examples of "TRUE STORY" hoaxes click on the Urban Legend link in the left side margin of the Humor Letter. There are nowhere near all of them there, but plenty to keep you laughing for years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jeanne for this: As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart by announcing: "The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I've seen the captain's car. So if I were you, I'd remain seated."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

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Filter spam by conent, not by FROM address 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 25

Thank you Patricia!

Sandie sent me a link to an ancient roman shipyard, that has
been uncovered, right where all the old books said it had been,
in the ancient Roman suburb of Portus.
Roman Shipyard 

What seems incredible to me is not the shipyard, but that Rome
in those days was already bigger than San Francisco is now,
and at that time coped quite well. Imagine the garbage, water 
and sewer bills in a Million+ town distributed on stone or clay
tablets! 

The cops in those days were strictly foot patrols. No cop
cars, no guns. But they managed.

They didn't have a problem with illegals. Everybody paid taxes,
except for the slaves. If somebody didn't want to pay taxes, 
they better liked seafood, because they got a job as a chained
on rower on a ship, for life. But that was no problem. Immigrants
stood in line to get onto the tax rolls, that gave them the 
protection of the Pax Romana, the set of laws, upon which
all of our laws are based. Yeah, based on, and heavily amended
so as to be sometimes the opposite of the original.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel. --- Oscar Levant Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. --- Socratex To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. --- Socratex Women like silent men, they think they're listening. --- Socratex
Here is a delightful classic: Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I'd better run too!"
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My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum. "I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the same darn book. I had bought it twice before."
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Natalie Behnke, 25, in Clearwater, FL Unauthorized stripper Clearwater, Florida -- She took off her clothes and asked customers for money. That's not an unusual occurrence at the Baby Dolls gentleman's club in Clearwater, but the problem is, Natalie Behnke was no exotic dancer. When the Pinellas Sheriff's Office was called to the club Tuesday night, the responding deputy was greeted by Behnke, 25, at the front door in her underwear. She was described as emotional and intoxicated. he club's manager told the deputy Behnke was inside earlier when she began taking off her clothes and approaching customers, asking for money. The manager reportedly told her to put her clothes back on, but Behnke refused and became aggressive with the female employees when they told her she could not do what she was doing. Behnke was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication. Mugshots of her last 7 arrests are here. Most were for False ID, Driving while License Suspended, DUI, etc.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Can't block mail with bad return addresses Dear Webby... I received this spam at my old address, but am unable to add the address to the 'Blocked Sender List' because of the '-' ! My question for you: How can I get rid of this spammer? From: comcast@unspecified-domain George Dear George The problem is not the dash, but the missing ".com" "unspecified-domain" means the spammer didn't specify a domain. I don't bother filtering by the usually forged FROM address. I filter by the content. Look for something in the content, that you see only in spam but not in legitimate mails, and filter for that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Now this is a real classic. The first time I saw that, it was on the old Fax-Jokes circuit. JOB OFFER Reverend Samuel Joesph Woodstone 515 North Lilly Street Dallas, Texas Dear Sir, You may have seen me on television during my crusade, preaching the word and begging people to change their lives. Sitting behind me was a rather worn, battered, weathered, poor excuse for a human by the name of Headford Lonston. He is a serious drunk, womanizer and exhibits all that is wrong with mankind. I point to him during my services to show how drinking, smoking, drugs, and mis-using Gods talents can destory a man. Mr Headford also had the worst BO in the world and the worst breath. Mr Headford would just nod his head, fart, belch, scratch his butt and grin with his two teeth as I would preach the word of God to the masses. Well about two weeks ago Headford passed away, a miserable excuse for a man. I prayed over his souless body hoping beyond hope that God in His wisdom would forgive Headford. So this brings me aroung to the point of this letter. I am in need of another Headford and many of your friends, family and work mates have suggested you as the only possible heir to Heaford's job. Please respond so we may make plans to continue to do the Lord's work. Sincerely, The Rev Sam Woodstone
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing. Bob hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call. Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple of country doctors in West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world. One physician says, "Why, Bubba, this crazy birth thang is gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!" The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

» Ocelots







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