The Facts Of Life 

The Facts Of Life The 2 most common elements in the universe are hydrogen and stupidity.

If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Money can't buy happiness...But it sure makes misery easier to live with.

Nothing in the known universe travels faster than a bad check.

A truly wise man never plays leapfrog with a unicorn.

It has recently been discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

Always remember to pillage before you burn.

If you are given an open-book exam, you will forget your book.

The trouble with doing something right the first time is that no one appreciates how difficult it was.

It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.

Dave's Law: You can't fall off the floor.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

Clothes make the man. Naked people have little or no influence on society.

Vital papers will demonstrate their vitality by moving from Where you left them to where you can't find them.

Law of Probability Dispersal: Whatever it is that hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Brain cells come and brain cells go, but fat cells live forever.

The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight, because by then your body and your fat are really good friends






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Get rid of old log files 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 15

From Bev
I took your advice and ran registry booster and it fixed 
everything. The best $30.00 I've ever spent.   
Thank you so much.      
Bev

Glad it worked for you as well as it does for me.
That is why I have kept it in the side menu since I started
using it years ago.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You wouldn't care what people thought of you if you realized how seldom they do. --- Plato First things first, but not necessarily in that order. --- Doctor Who "Success comes in cans, failure in can'ts." --- Socratex
Here is a nice old classic to start the day: A tough old cowboy once counseled his grandson that if he wanted to live a long life, the secret was to sprinkle a pinch of gunpowder on his oatmeal every morning. The grandson did this religiously and lived to the age of 110. He left behind 4 children, 20 grandchildren, 30 great- grandchildren, 10 great-great grandchildren, - and a fifty foot crater where the crematorium used to be.
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier staring at the pretty girl in front of me. Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill, she waited for change. "Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the proper amount. "Have a great day!" Now I placed my items on the counter. The tally was $24.79, and I gave the cashier a $50 bill. "I'm sorry, Sir. We can't accept anything larger than a Twenty," he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy. "But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned. "I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it. Luckily the next check-out lane had a lady working there, so I took my stuff over there and wrote my phone number onto my Fifty.
Thanks to my dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture. This one bloomed today. It is a rare Ferro, not the regular Ferro, that looks like a fire hydrant from the distance, but it too has the strong, flat and curved spines, that are strong enough to hoist it up by them.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Michael Fulton in Oceanview, Virginia With mom driving getaway vehicle, Virginia robber is busted A man is behind bars after being shot as he reportedly tried to rob a Sub-shop and restaurant. The driver of the getaway vehicle was his mother. It all happened Saturday, October 1 at Philadelphia Hoagie Factory in Ocean View, Virginia. Police say Michael Fulton threw on a skull mask and tried to rob the owner, Carnet Horton, as he tried to take out the trash. Employee Moses Howard heard the commotion. "I was inside and all of a sudden I heard, 'Pow! Pow!' I came running out and my boss said somebody tried to rob us." The owner’s wife, Kim, says the robber pulled out a flare gun and demanded money. She said her husband put up a fight. "As soon as he pulled his gun, the man started to run and that's when my husband started shooting at him and he just kept going," described Kim. Fulton's mother picked him up minutes later in a blue truck. Fulton was arrested shortly after the incident and remains in jail. Police say his mother’s involvement did not warrant an arrest. After all, it's Virginia.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ron Re: Log files to delete Dear Webby how do we find those log files to delete. Also in control panel I see lots of updates for Windows and Java is it necessary to keep all of those accumalated pieces in there? RON P Dear Ron CrapCleaner will assist you in getting rid of those old updates. With Log files, if they don't show in the root directory, don't worry about them. Just keep the root directory clean and lean and mean. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A fellow who had just reached his 150th birthday was giving a press conference to the assembled media. "Excuse me, sir," one of the reporters said, "but how did you come to live to 150? "It’s actually quite simple," the old feller replied. "I just never argue." "That’s impossible," the reporter responded. "There must be something else, like diet, or meditation, or something. Just not arguing won’t keep you alive for 150 years! The old fellow stared hard at the reporter for several seconds. "Hmmm," he finally shrugged, "maybe you’re right."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Paper Towels Serve Dual Purpose For those of us who still find paper towels a necessity, try this to get more out of them. Every time I wash my hands and use a paper towel to dry them off (especially in flu and cold season!), I use the fact that it is wet and give a quick clean-up swipe to either the splashes of water on the sink and counter top or another small spot of dirt that could use the ol' once-over. It makes me feel a bit better about using paper towels in my house! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man entered a drug store and asked to see the pharmacist. When the pharmacist came out, the man asked if he could give him a cure for the hiccups. The pharmacist immediately reached out and slapped him across the face. "What'd you do that for?" the man asked. "Well, you don't have the hiccups anymore, do you?" "No," the man replied, "but if you look out that window,... do you see that sumo wrestler shaking that telephone pole and coming in now? That's my wife with the hickups."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The customer in the Italian restaurant was so pleased that he asked to speak to the chef. The owner proudly led him into the kitchen and introduced him to the chef. "Your veal parmigiana was superb," the customer said. "I just spent a month in Italy, and yours is better than any I ever had over there in Italy." "Naturally," the chef said. "Over there, in Italy, they use cheap domestic cheese. Ours is imported."

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What to do when your computer is slowing down 



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Good Morning,  !

Today is Friday, October 14
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Concerns about computers slowing down seem to be the most
frequent requests for help. 

Aside from using basic tools like Registry Booster and
CrapCleaner, the biggest difference is keeping the C: drive,
and especially the root directory on the C: drive as lean as
possible.

Right, do EXACTLY the opposite of what Microsoft tries to do
in their attempt, to make your computer slow and senile.
Do NOT install programs onto the C: drive!
Partition the hard drive and if possible, add a second hard drive.

I always partition the hard drive and make the C: drive 
really small. 10 GB is plenty. The smaller it is, the faster 
Windows can find it's marbles.

Any program, that you install, runs just as well on the E: drive.
( D: is usually reserved for the CD/DVD drive )
The third partition, F: I use for the data, that I produce
with the programs on the E: drive.

If you have a small C: drive reserved for JUST the 
Operating System, you get maximum speed and maximum 
reliability.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A signature always reveals a man's character - and sometimes even his name. --- Evan Esar "What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left." --- Oscar Levant Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your lips are moving. --- Socratex
Thanks to Rose for this story: I pulled into a crowded parking lot and rolled down the car windows to make sure my Labrador Retriever had fresh air. She was stretched out on the back seat, and I wanted to impress upon her that she must remain there. I walked to the curb backward, pointing my finger at the car and saying emphatically, "Now you stay. Do you hear me? Stay!" The driver of a nearby car gave me a startled look. "I don't know about you, lady," he said incredulously. "But I usually just put my car in park."
If you have an iPad and wonder, how you can use more than 1% of it's capabilities, then you need this book!

It has been determined that the most used sexual position for married couples in America is the doggie position. The husband sits up and begs. The wife rolls over and plays dead.
Thanks to Rubye for sending this picture of her sister's Night Blooming Cereus, shot by her sister's hubby Gene. Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kelsey Grobmeier, 19 and Michael Kaufman, 20 Shoplifters forget their babies LOUISVILLE, Ky. - Authorities say a couple shoplifted a cell phone and makeup from a Walmart, but forgot two children as they fled the store. Police in Louisville say 20-year-old Michael S. Kaufman took a cell phone and tried to take a tablet computer, destroying the attached display in the process. Police say 19-year-old Kelsey Grobmeier hid makeup under a baby car seat. When confronted, the couple fled, leaving a 3-year-old and 18-month-old behind in the store around 7 p.m. EDT Wednesday. Police say Grobmeier returned to the store about an hour later to retrieve the children. Kaufman and Grobmeier are each charged with theft, criminal trespassing, endangering the welfare of a minor and tampering with physical evidence.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Bev Re: Computer is slow Dear Webby My computer is running slow. I've run disk defrag,disk cleanup and vacuumed out the computer. I have XP and am on a dish. What else can I do to get back to normal? I enjoy the newsletter with my coffee every morning. Thank you. bev Dear Bev Have you tried Registry Booster ? I have used it for a few years and find it makes a nice difference. Moving files away from the C: drive onto a removable USB drive also helps. Windows needs lots of elbow room and seems to work best when the C: drive has at least 40% free. Check and see if you have any log files accumulating, for example Open Tabs on browsers logged every 5 minutes. Those are just very tiny text files, taking only a tiny bit of space. However, Windows needs a file handle for each one of them! Weed those out to just one per month. Getting rid of a few thousand little files like that will make a huge difference, especially if they are in the root directory. There may be other files, that you can move out of the root directory. The leaner you make the root directory, the faster yourmachine will run. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thanks to Gayle for these questions and answers about Mad Cow disease Q. If I drink milk from an infected cow, will it harm me? A. Of course not. I drink 5 glasses of milk a day and it doesnt bither me a bot. I am the same today as I was tomorrow. Q. So how can I tell if I am infected from this meat? A. They say memory is affected. What was your question? Q. What can you do with infected cattle? Killing them seems so inhumane. A. Well I have 6 in my backyard and they think they are a flock of geese. However, I don't allow them to fly over the house. Q. How can you detect Mad cow disease in a bull? A. He would be the one wearing high heels
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Gravel Under Outdoor Faucet You can keep an outdoor faucet or pump from turning the surrounding area to mud, if you dig out a hole beneath the water spout and replace the soil with rocks or gravel. By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ That is not really a good idea, and may be against the building code in some areas. The gravel would hide drips and leaks, leading to weakening or destruction of the foundation. Just get a bag of ready-mix concrete, they come in small lady-sized bags nowadays, hardly heavier than the average make-up filled purse, so as not to discourage women from working in construction. Mix it with water and pour a little concrete pad sloping away from the house. A bag of ready-mix is usually under $10. Fixing a sagged foundation can be tens of thousands of dollars. You can make your run-off pretty and artistic by adding colorful river rocks or pebbles. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Barb for this one: A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected, a large crowd gathered. A newspaper reporter anxious to get his story could not get near the car. Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through! Let me through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
From Flora: Everything about my new townhouse was great, except for one thing. I couldn't find my mailbox. It wasn't on the curb, nor was it by my front door. I was stymed, so I called the development's manager. "The location of your mailbox should be indicated in the welcome package," he assured me. "We mailed it to you last week." So I asked him if his day job was in politics.

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Toner and Ink packing material 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 13

Had to drive to Calgary for some tests. They mostly just
listened to my heart and told me, that they would set up an 
appointment for an angiogram sometime next month.
Cant be too drastic, or they would have done it right
there.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Nothing is so admirable in politics as a short memory. --- John Kenneth Galbraith All is in the hands of man. Therefore wash them often. --- Stanislaw J. Lec,
The psychiatrist was interviewing a first-time patient. "You say you're here," he inquired, "because your family is worried about your taste in socks?" "That's correct," muttered the patient. "I like wool socks." "But that's perfectly normal," replied the doctor. "Many people prefer wool socks to those made from cotton or acrylic. In fact, I myself like wool socks." "You DO?" exclaimed the man. "With oil and vinegar or just a squeeze of lemon?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Thans to Betty for this one: My children have never been thrilled about taking naps, but one day they were putting up more of a fuss than usual. In the middle of the tantrums, a friend called. "What's all the commotion?" she asked. "Nothing," I said. "Just the siesta resistance."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joseph Wilson, 50 100th arrest PORT ST. LUCIE, Fla. — A man accused of stealing socks and underwear led police on a foot chase before he was caught hiding behind a trash bin, then arrested for the 100th time. Joseph Wilson, who turned 50 this year, reached the dubious milestone Thursday in Port St. Lucie. According to an arrest affidavit, Wilson walked out of the Bealls department store at 10135 U.S. Highway 1 with the merchandise under his clothing. When a loss-prevention officer tried to confront Wilson, he jumped into a waiting minivan and ordered the driver to "take off," the report said. Wilson's friend didn't take off, so the suspect hustled out of the other side of the vehicle and ran away, according to the affidavit. The officer lost him, but a witness called police a short time later to say Wilson was in the bushes in a Wendy's parking lot just down the road. When two officers arrived and found Wilson, the sweaty suspect first said he was out for a jog and just trying to cool off behind the trash bin. Eventually, he cited "hard times" and was taken into custody without any further struggle, the report said. The merchandise Wilson is accused of stealing was worth $174. Prior to Thursday, Wilson had a record that included 37 felony arrests, 47 misdemeanors and 15 others. In all, he's been convicted in 35 of those incidents.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dimitris Re: Popcorn packing Dear Webby It is always nice to get appreciative fan mail. Here is a picture of a Laser toner cartridge a fan sent back for a refill: Yes, real popcorn! The warehouse crew saved me a cup full of it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. Our toner cartridges are precision made to keep the micro-fine toner powder from leaking out, so there is no danger of popcorn causing any problem, as long as it is not buttered. However, the smell of the popcorn may be a bit too tempting to some hungry soul handling the package in transit. There is no need to go buy expensive packing material. Some wadded up shopping bags will do just fine. As a treat from fans, what we appreciate the most is a picture!! Dimitris Dear Dimitris At your low prices and the high cost of shipping, I didn't think it was worth shipping toner cartridges back to you. Maybe you can add a map to atlantic inkjet.com that shows the areas, from which shipping back empty cartdridges is a good idea. Have FUN! DearWebby
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From Ed I was inspecting facilities in Alaska. Since I had little experience in flying in small planes, I was nervous when we approached a landing strip in a snow-covered area. The pilot descended to just a couple feet, then gunned both engines, climbed, and circled back. While my heart pounded, the passenger beside me seemed calm. "I wonder why he didn't land," I said. "He was checking to see if the landing strip was plowed," the man said, "and checking how deep the snow is. by blowing some of it away with the props." As we made a second approach, I glanced out the window. "It looks plowed to me," I commented. "No," my seat mate said. "It hasn't been cleared for some time." "How can you tell?" I asked. "Because," the man informed me, "I'm the guy who drives the plow."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Rotary Cutter A handy holder for a rotary cutter is an old glasses case that is closed on one end and open on the other. Insert cutter into case, roller edge first, and it keeps your cutter out of the way of small hands. By Nancy from Magalia, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
This is a story about four people: Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was asked to do it. Everybody was sure Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when actually Nobody asked Anybody.

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Sexual Advice 

A woman went to her doctor for advice.

She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal sex, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea.

'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.

'Actually, yes, I do.

'Does it hurt you?' he asked.

'No. I rather like it.

'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice anal sex, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.’

The woman was mystified.

'What? You can get pregnant from anal sex?

'Of course,' the doctor replied.

'Where do you think Liberals came from?’



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Moron Love 

Moron Love Bob pulled up a stool at his favorite bar and announced, "My wife Suzie must love me more than any woman has ever loved any man!"

"What makes you say that" the bartender inquired?

"Last week," Bob explained, "I had to take a couple of sick days from work. Suzie was so thrilled to have me around that every time the milkman, the postman, the paperboy, the UPS man, and several of the neighborhood guys came by, she 'd run down the driveway, waving her arms and hollering, "My husband's home! My husband's home!"




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Underlined Hotkey letters in menus 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 12

I was surprised to read that in the latest incident of piracy, 
the Italian ship Montechristo, that was hauling scrap iron
from England to Vietnam, had no means of communicating
with rescuers, once they hid in the armored area of the ship,
aside from throwing a bottle out a porthole.

Troops from a British and a US war ship stormed the hijacked
ship and arrested the pirates. It just seemed strange, that
they had no other form of communication from the secure
part of the ship. Let's hope other ships traveling through
pirate alley are better prepared!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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My definition of a free society is a society where it is safe to be unpopular. --- Adlai E. Stevenson Jr. A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy enough people to make it worth the effort. --- Herm Albright
A little boy who is rushing out of the house pauses in front of his father. "Dad," the boy says, "I'm late for football practice. Would you please do my homework for me?" "Son, it just wouldn't be right," his father says. "That's okay," the little fellow says. "You could at least give it a try, couldn't you?"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

Scientists were excited this week at having isolated a brief sound which occurred immediately before the Big Bang. Apparently, that sound was "uh oh."
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Joe Jesus German, 19 Car thief falls asleep in stolen car MIAMI BEACH, Fla. (UPI) -- Florida police said a man accused of burglarizing several cars was arrested after the owner of one of the vehicles drove it away with him sleeping in the back. Miami Beach police said Joe Jesus German, 19, stole property from several vehicles Sunday in a valet parking garage at the Fontainebleau Resort before falling asleep in the back of a white Infinity, WTVJ-TV, Miami, reported Tuesday. "The defendant was later located inside of a vehicle he burglarized, by the vehicle owner who was driving home and found defendant passed out in his back seat," the arrest report said. Alan Rodriguez, the vehicle's owner, said he was driving with his uncle when they noticed the man sleeping in the back, WFOR-TV, Miami, reported. "I thought he was hiding at first," Rodriguez said. The men called police and German was arrested on five counts of burglary. Police said they found the keys to several vehicles in his possession.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Fran Re: Underlined letters in menus Dear Webby I used to have one letter underlined in each menu choice, and you could just hit ALT and type those letters to drill down a whole bunch of levels in a menu instantly without ever using the mouse. After my daughter prettied it all up, that feature is gone. The machine is XP, so it should not be difficult to restore the underlined letters, but how do you do it? Fran Dear Fran Right-click the Desktop, Choose Properties, Click the Appearance tab. Click the Effects button Remove the check mark from the line "Hide Underlined Letters for Keyboard Navigation Until I Press The Alt Key" That makes the underlines all appear, just the way you are used to seeing them, ready for shortcuts. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The strong young man at the construction site was bragging, that he could out do anyone in a feat of strength. He made a special case of making fun of one of the older workmen. After several minutes, one of the older worker had had enough. "Why don't you put your money where your mouth is?" he said. "I will bet a week's wages that I can haul something in a wheelbarrow over to that building that you won't be able to wheel back." "You're on, old man," the young guy replied. The old man reached out and grabbed the wheelbarrow by the handles. Then he turned to the young man and said, "Alright. Get in."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keeping Track of Socks The answer to lost socks! I just bought inexpensive, mesh lingerie bags that can be found at places like Target or Walmart. I placed one on a hook in the closet for each of my 3 daughters. They simply throw their socks in the mesh bags when they come home. On laundry day, I ask everyone to get their sock bags and throw them into the washing machine, making sure they are all zipped up. I then wash them and throw them into the dryer as is. When they're dry, the kids take their own bag and sort their socks themselves. They then put the sorted (or unsorted) socks back into their bags and take upstairs to dump out into their sock drawer. By volvomom from San Diego, CA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A career military man, who had retired as a corporal, was telling the younger men how he handled officers during his years of service... "It didn't matter a hoot if he was a Major General, an Admiral, or the Commander-in-Chief. I met these guys every single day and always told them exactly where to get off!" "Wow, you musta been something," the admiring young soldiers remarked. "What was your job in the service?" He replied, "Elevator operator in the Pentagon."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A tornado hit a Kansas farmhouse just before dawn one morning. It tore off the roof, and picked up the bed on which the farmer and his wife were sleeping. By some miracle, the cyclone set them down unharmed the next county over. The wife was sobbing uncontrollably. "Don't be scared, Mary," her husband said. "We're not hurt." Mary continued to cry. "I'm not scared," she said between sobs. "I'm happy... this is the first time in 14 years we've been out together."

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Difference between POP and Webmail 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 11

It seems Yahoo/ATT/sbcglobal has succeeded in annoying 
quite a few people sufficiently, that they are moving to 
other email providers. Considering the huge number
of good alternatives, that should not be any hardship.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"The guy who invented the first wheel was an idiot. The guy who invented the other three, HE was a genius." --- Sid Caesar After all is said and done, a lot more will be said than done. --- Socratex
A flight attendant for a major airline, watched one day as a passenger hopelessly overloaded with bags tried to stuff his belongings in the overhead bin of the plane. Finally, she informed him that he would have to check the oversized luggage. "When I fly other airlines," he said irritably, "I never have this problem." She smiled and said, "Sir, when you fly other airlines, I don't have this problem either."
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A man was reading the paper when an ad caught his eye: $100 Porsche! New! The man thought that it was very unusual to sell a Porsche for $100, and he thought it might be a joke or a typo. However, he was intrigued and soon decided it was worth a shot. He went to the lady's house and sure enough, she had an almost brand new Porsche. "Wow!" the man said. "Can I take it for a test drive?" Unlike what he expected, the man found that the car ran perfectly and took it back to the lady's house. "Why are you selling me this great Porsche for only $100?" "My husband just ran off with his secretary, and he told me I could have the house and the furniture as long as I sold his Porsche and sent him the money."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Britnay Jackson, 19, Joshua Best, 22, and Nikhil Rajniel Lal,19, Thieves left car on the train tracks PORTLAND, Ore. - Police were able to track down the owners of a car that was abandoned on the MAX tracks and struck by a train. Around 10 a.m. Tuesday when some people staying at the Travelodge at 949 E. Burnside Street woke up to find that several items were missing from their room, including the keys to a 1999 Subaru Legacy. Earlier that morning, around 2 a.m., a MAX train struck the car near 118th and E. Burnside Street where it had been abandoned on the tracks. No one was hurt - the car was empty and there were just a few people on the train at that early hour. The car was pulled off the tracks and train service resumed. Neither the train nor the tracks were damaged in any way, but the front of the Subaru is totalled. The passenger compartment was miraculously intact and undamaged. Detectives later linked the car to the robbery at the Travelodge. They then tracked down the suspects using surveillance video from the motel, which showed the three coming and going from a different room. Police simply went to that room and took them into custody. The suspects who were arrested are 19-year-old Britnay Jackson, 19-year-old Nikhil Rajniel Lal and 22-year-old Joshua Best. All three face charges in connection with the motel room burglary and Lal and Best face additional charges in connection with the theft of the car. They were booked into the Multnomah County Jail and will be arraigned in court on Wednesday.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Jackie Re: Difference between POP and webmail Dear Webby What is the difference between POP and webmail? I know, there are lots of longwinded explanations on the web, but they go way over my head. I need your type of explanation. Jackie Dear Jackie Actually, there are three types of mail: POP (or POP3), IMAP, and Webmail. POP is the oldest type, from the days when you paid by the minute for Internet access, and just quickly downloaded your email, disconnected, and processed your mail while off-line, including writing responses and new email, then briefly went online again to fire off all the prepared email. The key is that the mail is downloaded into your computer, and processed on your computer with your favorite email program. Naturally, you don't have to go off-line any more, unless you are traveling and just going online with your laptop at different airpot lounges and airplanes. WebMail is the opposite. There everything stays on the server. Examples are Squirrel Mail, Hotmail, Yahoo Mail, etc. You don't even need your own computer. You can just visit cyber-cafes and use their computer. Nothing gets downloaded into that computer, unless you deliberately download a file to burn it onto a CD or thumb-drive. You have to use the email program of that particular email provider, for example Hotmail or Yahoo mail, and if they decide to make some drastic changes, tough luck. That is YOUR problem. IMAP is like POP in that you can use the email program of your choice. However, the files by default stay on the server, as if it was Webmail. The reason for that is so that you can read and answer mail from work, with the work machine, but keep the mail on the server, until you get home and download them like POP email onto the home machine. Decent email providers will give you a choice and let you set your mail to POP, IMAP or Webmail. The better ones, likeWebby, even automate it. You can do your mail with Webmail AND with POP and IMAP. For example, check your mail from a friend's place with webmail, and leave everything on the server, then haul it down with Eudora or Outlook or whatever, when you get home. Gmail needs to be set to enable POP. However, it only takes a moment and is not a big deal at all. Click on the gear in the right top corner, Click Forwarding and POP/IMAP Select Enable POP for all mail or Enable POP for mail that arrives from now on. Configure your POP program, if necessary, and click Save Changes. After that, you can process your Gmail with any full featured email program of your choice. And there certainly is a huge pile of different email programs to choose from. Email programs are like religions. Some people get right defensive and fanatic about them, especially when they realize, that their program is a flakey nuisance, but they are scared to convert to something else. It is important to keep in mind, once you have switched to POP or IMAP, you are no longer a hostage of an email provider or ISP. You can change ISPs and email providers without losing any email, because now your email and your email program is on your computer. Configure your POP client* and click Save Changes. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A college student wrote a letter home: Dear folks, I feel miserable because I have to keep writing for money. I feel ashamed and unhappy to have to ask for another hundred, but every cell in my body rebels. I beg on bended knee that you forgive me. Your son, Marvin. P.S. I felt so terrible I ran after the mailman who picked this up in the box at the corner. I wanted to take this letter and burn it. I prayed that I could get it back. But it was too late. A few days later he received a letter from his father. It said, "Your prayers were answered. Your phony letter did not arrive."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Reuse Margarine Tub as Sprinkle Container A new use for reusing margarine tubs. Get out your trusty old hole punch for this one. After washing the tub and lid, punch a few holes along the rim of the lid to make a sprinkle container. We use ours for sprinkling cinnamon-sugar on the kids' morning toast. They love to use it, which saves me a bit of time, as well! By AlaskanAurora from Dutch Harbor, AK http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My friend wanted a boat more than anything. His wife kept refusing, but he bought one anyway. "I'll tell you what," he told her. "In the spirit of compromise, why don't you name the boat?" Being a good sport, she accepted. When her husband went to the dock for his maiden voyage, this is the name he saw painted on the side: "For Sale."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Mr. Doggins was having trouble getting his neighbor to keep his chickens fenced in. The birds were ruining his prize winning flower beds. The neighbor told Doggins that the chickens had the right to go where they wanted. Two weeks later, a friend visited Doggins and noticed his flower beds were doing great. The flowers were even beginning to bloom! The friend asked, "How did you get your neighbor to keep his hens in his own yard?" Doggins said, "Easy! One night I hid a dozen eggs under a bush by my flower bed. The next day I let my neighbor see me gather them. I haven't been bothered since."

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Gmail Address Groups 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 10

An old friend finally got fed up with Yahoo mail, and being
called a silly yahoo because of his unreliable mail, and got
Gmail. Bill has probably used Yahoo mail for almost as long,
as I have used Eudora, so the switch over was not painless.
"What do you mean, the gas pedal is on the right?"

After I finished writing to him tonight, I realized that a lot 
of you out there will need this info sooner or later. 

Here is part of what I wrote to Bill:

The browser view of your mail is just a very limited 
courtesy viewer, intended to be used, when you are away 
from your own machine, and just quickly checking your mail 
while STANDING at the contractor's counter at Home Depot 
or while visiting a friend. 

That is why we call it a Stand-Up viewer.
It does not download the mail into the borrowed courtesy 
computer.

A stand-up viewer is NOT a full featured email program!
If I would get a dollar for every time I mentioned that to 
somebody, I would be eating meat!

Full featured email programs are, for example Eudora, Pegasus, 
Outlook, Alpine, Balsa, Blitz, etc.
Have a look at the long list at http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Comparison_of_e-mail_clients
and take your pick.

The classic ones like Eudora and Pegasus have had 
address groups for over 20 years. Outlook has them for almost 10 years. 
And so on. Most full featured email programs have groups or lists 
nowadays. I remember using the groups in Eudora to send out the 
Humor Letter in the early 90's, until I needed an automatic subscription 
form in the mid 90's.

All you do is select a full featured email program. 
If you already paid for Microsoft Office, then you already have 
Outlook installed on your computer. 

Use it with any ISP based POP email address for a day or two 
to get familiar with it.

Set your Gmail to POP in the settings, and tell your email 
program to also check your gmail address.

That's all there is to it. 
Then you have full featured email, not just the limited stand-up 
browser view.

A limited version of categories IS available in the stand-up 
browser-view for Gmail:
It is called Groups.

Creating contact groups 

To create a contact group: 
Click Contacts along the side of any page. 
Click the New Group link on the left side of the Contact Manager, 
or select Create new from the Groups drop-down menu. 
Enter the name of the group. 
Click OK. 

To add contacts to a contact group: 
Select the contacts in the Contacts list. 
Open the Groups drop-down menu. 
Select the group you'd like to add the contact to, 
or select Create new to create a new group. 
If you have multiple addresses saved for a contact, 
you can choose which address should belong to 
the contact group by opening the contact and 
clicking the small arrow next to the group you'd 
like to modify.

Sending to a contact group 

It's easy to send to contact groups. There are two 
ways to address a message to a contact group 
you've created:

From the Contact Manager: 
Log in to Gmail. 
Click Contacts. 
Select the group you'd like to send to. 
Click All at the top of the contact list or select the 
individuals you'd like to send to. 
Click Email in the group details pane. 

From the Compose window: 
Log in to Gmail. 
Click Compose. 
In the To: field, enter the first few letters of the name 
of the contact group to which you'd like to send the 
message. 
Select your contact group from the list of addresses 
the auto-complete feature suggests. 
Compose your mail. 


Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A little learning is a dangerous thing, but a lot of ignorance is just as bad. --- Bob Edwards "I hate the expression 'A friend is a present you give yourself.' Gag! A case of Heineken is a present you give yourself. A friend is somebody you don't have to talk to once there's food on the table." --- Sabrina Matthews
A man came into a gun shop and asked to see a shotgun. The clerk, seeing that the customer was obviously very wealthy showed him a Belgian handcrafted mother of pearl inlay weapon and demonstrated its fine points. A bargain at $20,000. The customer says, "No, not quite what I need." Then the clerk brings out an English model and shows off its fine points. "A steal at only $7,500." The customer says, "No, I don't need anything that fancy." The clerk, disappointed, shows the customer a Winchester 'over and under' mass production model. Only $129.95. The customer says, "That will do nicely. After all, it is just an informal wedding."
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A butcher just out of trade school applies for and gets a job in Montana, skinning and cutting up the kills of local hunters. The first job he gets is to cut up a moose to put in the freezer. He finally gets the moose cut up and is putting it into bags and marking them with the contents: chops, rump steak, ribs, sirloin, etc. When he finishes with the stuff he knows, he is left with a pile of unidentifiable parts. At a loss as to what to do with them, he finally puts them all into one bag and labels them ....moosellanious. ---------------- Just a bit North, across the border, we call that "stew meat"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture: Click through for the big picture. This picture is a bit light,but the reality of it was spectacular. There was a 'rain' of meteors and dancing northeren lights at the same time,in the middle part (still hours N. of Stockholm with car) of Sweden. Lillemor
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Amanda Rose Owens, 18, of East Bethel, Minnesota Former babysitter came back as burglar An 18-year-old Minnesota woman has been arrested for a residential burglary, accused of sneaking into her neighbor's house through the doggie door. The woman has blamed her actions on debt and an addiction to pornography, Anoka County sheriff's spokesman Paul Sommer told The Huffington Post. Amanda Rose Owens of East Bethel, a city located about 30 miles north of Minneapolis, was charged on Wednesday with second-degree burglary. If convicted, she could face up to 10 years in jail and a $20,000 fine. According to Sommer, Owens' neighbor, Darin Paul Pake, 44, contacted police on October 3 and reported that a burglary had taken place at his residence on Earskin Street Northeast in East Bethel. Pake told police that a camera, a briefcase and a jar of money were missing. Pake said that he had been noticing that, sporadically, belongings were missing and he had installed a surveillance camera in an attempt to capture the culprit on film. It worked. Pake showed detectives footage of Owens, a neighbor and babysitter he had once used, entering his home through a doggie door. The video captures Owens rummaging through Pake's possessions and, apparently after working up a thirst, grabbing a Red Bull energy drink from his refrigerator, police said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mary T Re: printing cost Dear Webby Our printing costs are getting out of hand. A friend mentioned that you explained that in great detail, but could not find the issue, where you did. Can you please explain it again? Mary T Dear Mary T With Laser printers, the cost per page is 1/4 to 1/8 compared to inkjet printers, depending on make and model. If you get a really cheap or free inkjet printer, they really rip you off with the ink. At the other end, commercial or industrial usage laser printers are more expensive to buy, but really cheap to use. Plus they last a lot longer. I bought a DELL 1320c color laser about 4 - 5 years ago and have replaced the toner with cartridges from Atlantic Inkjet, whenever it runs empty, and it is still printing like it did on the first day. Fast, clean, beautiful colors, and very economically. Another benefit of laser printers is that there is no ink, that dries up or spills. They use a dry toner, that does not mind in the least, if it sits unused for any length of time. It is already dry anyway. The toner is a waxy powder, that gets melted into the paper during printing. However, even if you decide to stay with liquid ink printers, you can usually save about 75% when you buy your ink from Atlantic Inkjet. Have FUN! DearWebby
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During a recent vacation in Las Vegas, a man went to see a popular magic show. After one especially amazing feat, a man from the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?" "I could tell you, sir", the magician answered, "But then I'd have to kill you." After a short pause, the man yelled back, "Ok, then... just tell my mother-in-law!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
I have a friend named Tex. One day I asked him what part of Texas he was from. "I'm not from Texas," he replied. "But you have a Southern drawl," I insisted. "Yeah, I do," he admitted. "I'm actually from Louisiana. But nobody better call me Louise!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
It was 6 p.m., and I was about to leave the coin laundry where I was employed. My boss called me over and asked if I would mind dropping off someone's laundry on my way home. "It's for my cousin," she apologized, "who's eight months pregnant and can't get out much anymore." I cheerfully agreed and, driving to the address, knocked at the door. A little girl, the sister-to-be, answered. "Hi, there," I said with a big smile. "Is your mommy home?" Holding up the white bundle of clothes, I explained, "I have a delivery for her." The child's mouth dropped, and her eyes went wide. "MOOMMM!!!!", she shrieked, "come quick! IT'S THE STORK!"

» Leaf Peeping







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Red Xes in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 9

Hopefully you saw some of the falling stars last night!
It wasn't warm out, but the wind stopped, so it was 
actually quite pleasant.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

When buying and selling are controlled by legislation, the first things to be bought and sold are legislators. --- P. J. O'Rourke Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. --- H. L. Mencken Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something. --- Plato, 2300 years ago.
Kyle and Justin were sitting down to eat their supper with the baby sitter when 6 year old Kyle saw the baby sitter sit down in his daddy's seat. "You can't sit in Daddy's seat!" Kyle exclaimed. "Daddy's not home," the baby sitter replied, matter-of-factly. "Since I'm responsible for you while he's gone, I can sit here. Today I'm the boss." Justin, the 4 year old, quickly piped up, "If you're the boss, you have to sit over there in Mommy's chair!"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

The new Librarian decided that instead of checking out children's books by writing the names of borrowers on the book cards herself, she would have the youngsters sign their own names. She would then tell them they were signing a "Contract" for returning the books on time. Her first customer was a second grader, who looked surprised to see a new Librarian. He brought four books to the desk and shoved them across to the Librarian, with his library card on top. The Librarian pushed the books back and told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously printed his name and card numberon each book card and then handed them to her with a look of utter disgust. Before the Librarian could even start her speech he said, scornfully, "Grampa is right. Education is not what it used to be. The last librarian we had, she knew how to write."
Thanks to dad for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Silvretta Lake is an artificial hydro lake. The construction of it in the 40's opened the area for hiking and climbing.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Donald Gartner, 48 Pasco County man jailed twice in 1 night LAND O'LAKES, Florida (AP) - Pasco County Sheriff's deputies say a man released from jail after causing a drunken disturbance, was arrested again after he tried to break into two cars in the jail's parking lot. Authorities say 48-year-old Donald Gartner was arrested Sunday afternoon after deputies found him crawling out from under bushes at his neighbor's house. They say Gartner, who was intoxicated, was charged with criminal mischief. The St. Petersburg Times reports Gartner was released from jail about 10 p.m. Sunday. Deputies say while he was outside waiting for a ride home, he tried to get into two cars in the parking lot. He was arrested again, less than two hours after his release, and charged with two counts of attempted car theft. Gartner remained in the Pasco County Jail Tuesday morning.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: John Re: Red Xes in Email Help!! many time I receive Email with attachments. In the body of the Email are little RED X's which I assume indicated that 1 photo from the attachment should go there. It is a pain in the dupa to open each attachment to view the photo. Any way to do this easier? John Dear John That happens, when the sender has a sub-standard email program and messes up. Attachments listed at the bottom may or may not fit into the red X spots. There is nothing you, as the recipient, can do about that, except to tell the sender to sober up and try again. I would not worry about it. Usually the stuff coming from that type of sender isn't really worth keeping anyway. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Another library joke: Little Johnny asked and received help from a librarian on how to use the card catalog. In a little while, he approached the librarian again, wanting to know how to spell "tequila." "T-e-q-u-i-l-a," spelled the librarian. Little Johnny thanked her and went back to his search. A short time later he came to the desk, looking quite distraught. "I just can't find it." he said. "Which book are you looking for?" the librarian asked. Replied Little Johnny, "Tequila Mockingbird."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Bags for Itchy Skin When your kids have itchy insect bites, give them little bags made from pieces of pantyhose stuffed with handfuls of dry oatmeal. These soothing "scratchy bags" relieve the itch without the risk of broken skin or infection. They are great for adults too. My son has severe psoriasis and I give these to him to help stop the scratching. Source: Canadian Living Magazine, August 2002 By Cinnamon from Williams Lake, B.C. http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A customer in a bakery was observed carefully examining all the rich looking pastries displayed on trays in the glass cases. A clerk approached him and asked, "What would you like?" He said, "I'd like that chocolate-covered, cream-filled doughnut, that jelly-filled doughnut and that cheese Danish." Then with a sigh he added, "But I'll take an oat bran muffin."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."

» Pix of the Day







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Font color tricks 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 8


When they can't figure it out, they will just make up a 
new name.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

The first marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence. The second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience. The third marriage is the triumph of senility. --- Socratex
A tourist was admiring the necklace worn by a local Indian. "What is it made of?" she asked. "Alligator's teeth," the Indian replied. "I suppose," she said patronizingly, "that they mean as much to you as pearls do to us." "Sure, mighty oyster wrestler. Try that twelve foot 'gator behind you!"
The Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management Learn how to immediately recover passwords from most applications and website accounts, as well as Windows accounts. Also includes tips for effective account management to never again lose a single password. This is not a tool, that just works one, but solid knowledge in a book, that you keep. Get and keep the Ultimate Guide To Pasword Recovery And Management

A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone, staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck. "Where's Henry?" "Henry had a nasty fall and broke both of his legs. He's a couple of miles back up the trail." "You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!" "A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is going to steal Henry!"
Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Kraig Stockard, 54, of Delhi, California Burglars turn victim in for child porn DELHI, Calif. (UPI) -- Authorities in California said a pair of admitted burglars were not arrested after turning in child pornography allegedly belonging to their victim. Deputy Tom McKenzie of the Merced County Sheriff's Department said a 19-year-old and a juvenile broke into a Delhi barn belonging to Kraig Stockard Sept. 12 and took 50 CD-Rs they believed to be blank, KTXL-TV, Sacramento, reported Thursday. However, when the burglars attempted to burn music onto the CD-Rs, they allegedly discovered more than 30 of them were filled with child pornography, the report said. "[A] family member convinced the two suspects to come forward; they contacted law enforcement," McKenzie said. He said Stockard had reported the burglary. "I'm kind of surprised that he wanted to draw attention to himself, knowing what was taken," the deputy said. Investigators seized three desktop computers and three laptops from Stockard's property. Deputies said he is believed to have been allegedly downloading child pornography since 2004. Stockard was arrested and charged with possession of child pornography. He was released after posting $25,000 bail. The burglars were not arrested. "We did not actually go out and arrest the suspects for the burglary. They were obviously the lesser of two evils," McKenzie said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dani Re: Wrong font color Hi Webby, For those who are unable to read the fonts due to dark on dark color, they can also highlite it and it will appear light in color. Dani Dear Dani Right, you can also use that trick of quickly wiping he mouse over the bottom left corner of a page, to see hidden counters and whatever else the webmaster may have hidden there. CTRL A selects (highlights) the entire page. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Thyanks to Brenda for this story: I was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly, everyone knows this stuff, "Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy." "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!!!!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Spray Bottle With Diluted Dish Soap To save on dish soap, fill a spray bottle one-quarter full of soap and top it off with water, give the mixture a good shake to mix well, and close the bottle. Spraying this on dishes cuts grease and saves a little money. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ I have used that trick with industrial citrus based cleaner for many years. The same spray also works great on soft and shiny vinyl floors. I spray the section in front of me with one hand and swing a string mop dampened with hot water with the other hand as I back up. After using that method since I got the current flooring ten year ago, it is as shiny as on day one. By the way, I use the same type of spray bottle, but painted yellow, and filled with a thin olive oil, instead of the outrageously overpriced cooking spray. Have FUN! DearWebby Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; while his hobby was golf. The other night, during a deep sleep, the man yelled, 'Fore!' His wife, also in a deep sleep and not missing a beat, yelled back, 'Four Fifty!'
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Co-workers sympathized as my mother complained that her back was really sore from moving furniture. "Why don't you wait till your husband gets home?" someone asked. "I could," my mother told the group," but the couch is easier to move when he's not on it."

» Visions of Earth







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Fake YouTube emails 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, October 7
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

There was a nasty and wet north-wind blowing, when I went for
my evening walk, so I wore my good old cowboy hat. It kept 
most of the horizontal rain and spray off my glasses, but didn't
do anything for my ears. If the weather doesn't improve
soon, I'll be digging out my Calgary Flames hoodie.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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You see a lot of smart guys with dumb women, but you hardly ever see a smart woman with a dumb guy. --- Erica Jong
My niece bought her five-year-old daughter Ruthie a hamster. One day he escaped from his cage. The family turned the house upside-down and finally found him. Several weeks later, while Ruthie was at school, he disappeared again. My niece searched frantically but never found the critter. Hoping to make the loss less painful for Ruthie, my niece took the cage out of her room. When Ruthie came home from school that afternoon, she climbed into her mother's lap. "We have a serious problem," she announced. "Not only is my hamster gone again, but this time he took his cage."
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A zookeeper wanted to get some extra animals for his zoo, so he decided to compose a letter, the only problem, was that he didn't know the plural of 'Mongoose'. He started the letter: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongeese." No, that won't work, he tried again: "To whom it may concern, I need two Mongooses." Is that right? Finally, he got an idea: "To whom it may concern, I need a Mongoose, and while you're at it, send me a second one."
Thanks to Sue for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Last-ride-at-the-landing-for-2011
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Patrick John McKeen, 48, Cape Coral, Florida Cape man charged with DUI while riding bicycle Responding to a traffic crash on Southeast 15th Ave on Sunday, Cape Coral police found a man lying on his side, with his face down, straddling a bicycle and holding an open can of beer. He was conscious, but onlookers did not want to move him, according to a police report. When he was asked what happened, Patrick John McKeen, 48, told police he was riding his bicycle home from a bar while drinking a beer and fell over. After failing field sobriety exercises, McKeen was placed under arrest for DUI, an uncommon charge for someone riding a bike in the Cape. He declined a breath test but told police he would likely blow a .35 because he is an alcoholic, but that he had not spilled his beer and was just resting.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rick Re: Fake mail from YouTube Dear Webby From Rick Dear Webby I have received a few emails now, claiming to be from YouTube, some about my video having been deleted, -even though I don't have any videos-, some about "personalizing my YouTube experience". Somehow I suspect, that those emails are phony, and I have not clicked on the links in them. What's the story? And how can I tell for sure? Rick Dear Rick They are as phony as a xeroxed Three Dollar bill. If you get MailWasher, it will show you the actual addresses and links, not just what the scammers are trying to fake. And it marks that stuff for deleting. That way, if you don't watch it and just hit PROCESS, it will automatically delete that crap right on the server, without downloading it to your computer. If you don't get MailWasher, just be extra careful, and be aware, that the scammers have your address. They will soon try other tricks. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Wife : What's your excuse for coming home at this time of the night? Husband : Golfing with friends, my dear. Wife : What? At 2 a.m.? Husband : Yes. We used nightclubs.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Garden Tags from Aluminum Roof Flashing You can make garden tags out of leftover aluminum roof flashing (the kind on a roll). I took a simple tag design that I drew, printed it out on heavy paper, and cut it out. I took that template and a sharpie and traced that design onto the flashing metal multiple times. I cut it out with regular scissors, then punched a small hole with a hole punch for a place to hang them. The garden tags can be decorated by embossing if you like, simply etch the name of the plant you are identifying with a sharp tool. By jason0475 from Collegeville, PA http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Jewish father was concerned about his son who was about a year away from his Bar Mitzvah but was sorely lacking in his knowledge of the Jewish faith. To remedy this he sent his son to Israel to experience his heritage. A year later the young man returned home. "Father, thank you for sending me to the land of our Fathers, " the son said. "It was wonderful and enlightening, however, I must confess that while in Israel I converted to Christianity." "Oi vey," replied the father, "what have I done?" So in the tradition of the patriarchs he went to his best friend and sought his advice and solace. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated his friend, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian." So in the traditions of the Patriarchs they went to the Rabbi. "It is amazing that you should come to me," stated the Rabbi, "I too sent my son to Israel and he returned a Christian. What is happening to our sons?" Brothers, we must take this to God," said the Rabbi. They fell to their knees and began to wail and pour out their hearts to the Almighty. As they prayed the clouds above opened and a mighty voice stated, "Amazing that you should come to Me. I, too, have sent My Son to Israel."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
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A new hair salon opened up for business right across the street from the old established hair cutters' place. They put up a big bold sign which read: "WE GIVE SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS!" Not to be outdone, the old Master Barber put up his own sign: "WE FIX SEVEN DOLLAR HAIR CUTS"

» Beautimous Rocks







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Difficult to read font colors 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, October 6

On my evening walk today I noticed, that Halloween is 
sneaking up on us. 

There was light rain falling, so I started out with a jacket,
but going up the road to the water tower got too warm, 
and took it off. It isgetting dark a lot earlier, but as 
long as I am moving briskly, it is not too cold.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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The penalty for success is to be bored by the people who used to snub you. --- Nancy Astor Whoso would be a man must be a nonconformist. --- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Interviewer: Congratulations on winning the lottery. Farmer: Thank you. Interviewer: Do you have any special plans for spending the money? Farmer: Not really. I'm just gonna keep farming 'til it's gone.
If you want to make some money on the side,
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A teacher was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'put' or 'putt'?" she asked the instructor. "'Putt' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain, but usually unsuccessful, attempt to do that with the aid of a golf club."
Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to John Tyrone McCoy, 18, of Melbourne, FL Robber returns to scene, gets arrested West Melbourne police officials say a robber was arrested Monday night after he returned to the scene to reclaim the wallet he had stolen from a teenager, then stashed nearby with the handgun he used in the crime. John Tyrone McCoy, 18, of Melbourne faces one misdemeanor count of petty theft and a felony count of robbery with a firearm. The West Melbourne Police Department said McCoy hid the items in a frantic dash from responding police officers and returned 15 minutes after the officers had slowed their search for a suspect. “It’s pretty common for a criminal to return to the scene,” said Cmdr. Steve Wilkinson, a spokesman for the West Melbourne Police Department. “But we had no idea he was going to come back and retrieve the items from his hiding place.” Around 8:05 p.m., a young man approached a 17-year-old boy at West Melbourne Community Park and forced him to the ground with a black handgun, the police said. The robber stole the boy’s wallet as the victim lay on the ground. “The victim felt like he was going to be shot,” Wilkinson said. “That was the robber’s intent: to make him believe that.” The robber left on a bicycle, which also was stolen. Responding officers set up a perimeter around the park at 3000 Minton Road. But they came up empty. It wasn’t until about 15 minutes after the police broke down the perimeter that an officer spotted a suspicious vehicle. Wilkinson said that before the robber fled, he hid the stolen wallet and his black handgun near the baseball field bleachers at Minton Road and Flanagan Avenue. But this time, the man was in a car with two women. “The officers saw a car with lights on, and there shouldn’t be anyone there because the park was closed,” Wilkinson said. “They broke down the perimeter, but they didn’t give up looking for this suspect.” Wilkinson said McCoy was found with the wallet and the black pistol, which proved to be a BB gun. The victim positively identified McCoy as the suspect, the commander added. The armed robbery charge McCoy was arrested on is a first-degree felony punishable by life in prison. He was held this morning at the Brevard County Detention Center and is due for an initial court appearance this afternoon. Detectives wouldn’t rule out that the robbery was a setup and that the other people inside the car were involved.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Remy Re: Unreadable font colors Dear Webby From Remy Dear Webby With halloween approaching, a lot of web sites are using a black or midnight-blue page background. That makes their normally navy colored text unreadable. How can anybody be that stupid ? And how can I read their text anyway? Remy Dear Remy Most likely you have your browser set to use YOUR color choices for text and for links. Click in your browser on TOOLS Internet Options Accessibility In there take off the checkmarks. That allows the browser to use the text and link colors specified by the webmaster of the site that you are visiting. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Chuck filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," Chuck thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Put Lotion on Hands Before Using Super Glue Apply lotion to your skin before using super glue. It will peel off easily if you get any on you. By Roxy from St. Louis, MO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
My uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I graduated from a private school that I didn't like much. Once I was outta there, I had no particular desire to ever contribute to their latest fund drive or future athletic events. Sure enough, Alumni Affairs staff called my folks, got my current number and tracked me down. 'So, what have you been doing with yourself?' the perky alumnus asked. I responded, "Oh, not a lot. Same as at college, just stealing cars, and running moonshine." They've never called back.

» Prairie Pups







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When text is too large 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, October 5

Thank you Ivan!

From Maureen

Dear Webby
My 5 year old son Thor is just starting to read,
and he saw that Limerick at the bottom of your newsletter,
while I was talking with some visiting friends.

The thunder god went for a ride,
upon his favorite filly.
"I'm Thor," he cried.
The horse replied,
"You forgot your thaddle, thilly."

Naturally, he spotted his name from a distance and had
to go and read it. When he read it aloud, we all cracked
up and nearly bust a gut. He didn't quite get it, but he sure
relished the reaction he got, and quoted it to anybody and 
everybody, who would stand still long enough, for the rest
of the day. I'm sure he will remember that for the rest of
his life!
Maureen

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it whether it exists or not, diagnosing it incorrectly, and applying the wrong remedy. --- Ernest Benn The higher the buildings, the lower the morals. --- Noel Coward
And what was the culmination of events that led you to file this action," asked the man's attorney in the divorce hearing. "All through our marriage my wife was less than reasonably responsive to my sexual initiatives," replied the husband, "but the clincher came one morning at the breakfast table." "Why? What happened?" "She announced, 'Just so you don't get your hopes up, I will be having a headache all weekend.'" --------------- Abstinence makes the heart go wander.
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The minister's little six-year-old girl had been so naughty during the week, that her mother decided to give her the worst kind of punishment. She told her she couldn't go to the Sunday School Picnic on Saturday. When the day came, her mother felt she had been too harsh and changed her mind. When she told the little girl she could go to the picnic, the child's reaction was one of gloom and unhappiness. "What's the matter? I thought you'd be glad to go to the picnic." her mother said. "It's too late!" the little girl said. "I've already prayed for a snowstorm!"
Tanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Maykel Calafet Calderon, 28, and Manuel I. Telles, 38, both Cuban natives living in Miami Owner tracks stolen boat 2,500 miles away JACKSONVILLE, Fla. (UPI) -- The owner of a powerboat stolen in Florida was 2,500 miles away in Nevada but was still able to tell police where the stolen craft was headed, authorities said. A Global Positioning System device on the 32-foot, $260,000 boat told the owner through his cellphone, that the craft, stolen Wednesday in Jacksonville, Fla., was being hauled north on Interstate 95 in Brevard County, Florida Today reported. With help from a police helicopter, deputies located the stolen Ford F-250 towing the 2009 Yellowfin Yachts Center Console and arrested two men, after they exited the interstate. Maykel Calafet Calderon, 28, and Manuel I. Telles, 38, both Cuban natives living in Miami, were arrested on charges of theft. "The owner giving us updates was by far the thing that assisted us the most," Todd Holland of the Brevard County Sheriff's Office said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ed Re: Text too large Dear Webby The text is so big it fills my screen twice! How can I reduce it to human size? Thanx, Ed Dear Ed Hold down the CTRL key and scroll the mouse wheel. In one direction it increases the ZOOM, in the other it decreases it. Just find a comfortable setting. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Here is an annual favorite. You have to read it out loud! "Information? I need the number of the Caseway Insurance Company." "Would you spell that, please?" "Certainly. C as in cue. A as in aye. S as in sea. E as in eye. W as in why. A as in are. Y as in you." "Just a minute, sir. I'll connect you with my supervisor."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Hide Important Numbers in Cell Phone Contacts With so many numbers to remember, here's a great way to keep it simple. If you have a number that is difficult to remember: a pin number, lock combination or ID number, hide it on your phone! Make an entry in your cell phone's contact list for a made-up name. (Make sure you won't confuse it with someone else!) Turn the number into a phone number. Place it at the front, middle or end of the number, put it in backwards or make it only every other number for extra security. Log it as your "friend's" number. This way, you'll have it at hand without giving it away. Even if your phone is lost or stolen, no one will know your secret. Don't have a cell? Use the same trick to add the number to your address book! By Anda from Knoxville, TN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bea for this one: On my 15th birthday, I opened a package from my mom and sister. Out came a beauty case containing samples of my very own makeup. "Oh, neat," my dad said excitedly, "a tackle box!" My mother and sister explained that it was a beauty kit, not a tackle box. As I opened it up and showed everyone the eye shadow, mascara, and rouge, my father leaned over to my mother and whispered, "I told you it was a tackle box. Just look at all those lures."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The man told his doctor that he just wasn't able to do all the things around the house that he used to do. When the examination was complete, he said, "Now, Doc, I can take it. Tell me in plain English... What's wrong with me?" "Well, in plain English," the doctor replied, "you're simply a lazy old fart." "Thank you for your candor," said the man. "Now give me the latin term, so that I have something to tell my wife!"

» Young @ Heart Thrills







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How long to learn HTML 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, October 4

If you are using McAfee and Firefox, don't use the 
"Site Advisor" option. It will cause FireFox to crash two to
three times per day. By now you probably know yourself 
already, which sites are safe and which ones aren't.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

If there were in the world today any large number of people who desired their own happiness more than they desired the unhappiness of others, we could have paradise in a few years. --- Bertrand Russell Never have children, only grandchildren. --- Gore Vidal
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification." He replied, without hesitation, "No ma'am, that won't be necessary." "How come?" asked the woman. "Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
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When the man came home, his wife was crying. "Your mother insulted me," she sobbed. "My mother? How could she do that when she is on vacation on the other side of the world?" the man asked. "I know. But this morning a letter addressed to you arrived. I opened it because I was curious." "And?" "At the end of the letter she had written: PS. Dear Sue, when you have finished reading this letter, don't forget to give it to my son."
One day a boy and his father were at the dining room table working on the boy's Social Studies homework, the chapter about government. The boy turned to his father and asked, "Dad, how many people work in the U.S. government?" Without hesitation, his father said, "Oh, less than half of them." Click through for the big picture. For those, who asked for a picture o those falls from a bit farther back: Aboe the falls, where I took this picture, are a few, very nice cedar benches, with bronze plaques commemorating the people, in whose memory the benches were placed there. I always stop, and even if I don't sit on a bench, I mentally greet the person, whose name is on the plaque. Sunday I climbed on top and stood on the backrest of one of the benches, to get the angle for this particular picture. From the tree at the edge, much larger in yesterday's picture to the "beach" at the top edge of the falls, it's about 150 feet.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Meghan, 26 and Timothy, 19, Fleming in Salem, Oregon ID'd by Tattoo SALEM, Ore. - What happens when you give a homeless guy some money and then ask for it back? It gets you arrested - well at least it did in one woman's case. The whole situation went down Thursday outside a PetSmart store on Lancaster Drive N.E. in Salem. According to police, 26-year-old Meghan Fleming went shopping at the store and on her way out decided to give a few bucks to a homeless man who was outside. So far so good but police say Fleming changed her mind about handing over the cash after getting to her car. So she drove up to the man, pointed what looked like a handgun at him and demanded that he give the money back to her. A man in the car got involved as well and also demanded that the homeless guy hand his money over. The homeless man ended up giving her the money, which wasn't much (police say it was $5). He then walked into the PetSmart store and told workers there he had just been robbed. Those at the store were familiar with the woman the man said had robbed him and were able to give police her name. Fleming was arrested a short time later at her home. Police say she had her two 2-year-old twins in the car with her when the incident unfolded and they were turned over to relatives. "Meghan certainly could have asked for her money back, but that was not the case," Lt. Steve Birr with the Salem Police Department said in a news release. "She crossed the line when she pointed what looked like a firearm at him and demanded he hand over the money." The man who was in the car with Fleming - 19-year-old Timothy Fleming (her nephew) - later turned himself in to police in Turner. The 'gun' turned out to be a BB gun. Police say the victim was just out of prison and didn't want to press charges, but the District Attorney's office decided to pursue the case. Both Meghan Fleming and Timothy Fleming are charged with armed robbery and are now sitting at the Marion County Correctional Facility.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Mia Re: How long to learn HTML Dear Webby how long does it normally take to learn HTML? Mia Dear Mia It takes half an hour to learn the basics from free tutorials, a month of using it to get comfortable with it, teaching it to others for half a year to get really good at it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc asked if there was anything unusual he should know about. That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it real strange how his suit must've shrunk just sittin' in his closet, because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding recently. The Doc said, "Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few pounds, Matt." "That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the last time I wore it." "Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease." "What in the world is Furniture Disease?" Matt asked. "Furniture Disease, Matt, is when you reach that stage in life when your chest starts slidin' down into your drawers."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use That Bucket of Soapy Water After you've hand-washed your vehicle, don't pour out the bucket of soapy water solution just yet-there's still a lot of cleaning power in those suds; pour it on dirty spots on your patio, carport/garage floor, picnic table, you-name-it! Scrub the dirty spots with a stiff broom, then rinse with clean water. Voila! You've gotten double duty from your bucket of detergent! By Becky http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A Missouri farmer passed away and left 17 mules to his three sons. The instructions left in the will said that the oldest boy was to get one-half, the second oldest one-third, and the youngest one-ninth. The three sons, recognizing the difficulty of dividing 17 mules into these fractions, began to argue. Their uncle heard about the argument, hitched up his mule and drove out to settle the matter. He added his mule to the 17, making 18. The oldest therefore got one-half, or nine, the second oldest got one-third, or six, and the youngest son got one-ninth, or two. Adding up 9, 6 and 2 equals 17. The uncle, having settled the argument, hitched up his mule and drove home.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The thunder god went for a ride, upon his favorite filly. "I'm Thor," he cried. The horse replied, "You forgot your thaddle, thilly."

» Autumn Vistas







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Alternate speakers for the computer 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, October 3

I snuck out this morning to get some fall color pictures and
drove up to Sheep River Falls. The trick there is to be early,
not just before the crowds, but before the sun is overhead 
or behind the falls. Luckily I seem to be almost the only one
to know that. 

There sure were a lot of vehicles headed up there when I
was coming back.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"There have been injuries and deaths in boxing, but none of them serious." --- Alan Minter "I owe a lot to my parents, especially my mother and father." --- Greg Norman
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp, he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car. The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car. So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver looks at the trooper and says, "No thanks, I just bought some." "OK, if you say so!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
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Thanks to Gran for this story: My husband was once employed in the printing division of a large manufacturing firm. One morning, word came from the top that some visiting VIPs would be touring the plant in just a few minutes. All production was immediately shut down as employees scrambled to quickly tidy up the work place. When the appointed lookout yelled, "Here they come!" fifty fingers that were poised over fifty machine start-up buttons pressed down in unison and blew the main beaker for the building.
Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. "Teddy," he called, "how many more times have I got to tell you to come downstairs quietly? Now, go back upstairs and come down like a civilized human being." There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. "That's better," said his father, "now in future will you always come down stairs like that." "Suits me," said Teddy. "I slid down the railing." Click through for the big picture. I managed to sneak out this morning and get some fall pictures.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Albert Tejeda, 31 in Casa Grande, AZ ID'd by Tattoo CASA GRANDE, Ariz. – A man was arrested after fleeing from police during a traffic stop. A Pinal County sheriff’s deputy tried to conduct a traffic stop on a 2003 Toyota vehicle for a traffic violation Monday morning in the area of First Street and Jimmie Kerr Boulevard. The driver pulled over, but as the deputy approached the vehicle, the man sped off, prompting a police pursuit outside of Casa Grande. The chase was called off when the suspect drove into a residential area and construction zone. The driver was identified based on records from the Motor Vehicle Division, that indicate the suspect has tattoos on his face. He is identified as Albert Tejeda, 31. Deputies caught up to the suspect as he was walking near Second Street and Cameron Avenue. He was carrying a duffle bag with a Samurai-style sword sticking out. Tejeda resisted arrest at first, but a K9 unit was deployed and he was taken into custody without further incident. He faces charges including felony flight from pursuing law enforcement vehicle and misconduct involving weapons. Plus, speeding in a construction zone.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trinity Re: Computer Sound Dear Webby From Trinity Re: Sound Dear Webby, My computer corner is one of those "hutch" type desk/shelves combos and I have no room for big speakers, plus I don't want to shell out the ridiculous amounts of money they want for them, when I have a perfectly good Surround-Sound music system already in the room. Is there a way to tap into the squeaker-speakers that came with the computer? Trinity Dear Trinity Yes, sure there is. Have a look at your sound system and find a socket labelled AUX in the front, or four screws or clamps labelled AUX in the back. Measure the distance between the computer and that AUX connection and get a shielded sound cable of that length with a 1/8" 3 wire plug on the computer side, and whatever size plug you need on the sound system side. Before you plug it in, turn down the volume on the computer way down so as not to blow up your sound system. Keep in mind that your sound system has a very powerful amplifier. Gradually turn up the volume. Most computer sound cards work best in the lower quarter of their volume range. Use the sound system's amplifier to get the volume you want. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Jill complained to Nina, "Rosey told me that you told her the secret I told you not to tell her." "Well," replied Nina in a hurt tone, "I told her not to tell you I told her." "Oh dear!" sighed Jill. "Well, don't tell her I told you that she told me."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Miss Prussy was going over mischievous Melvin Messpot's records with his anxious parents. On one page was the statement, "Melvin used fowl language today." Mr. Messpot, hoping to put the teacher in a bad light, snickered, "Ha! You spelled foul wrong." Miss Prussy corrected, "No, I meant F-O-W-L. Your child called me a big fat pile of chicken sh*t."

» Octoberfest







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Copies of XP 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, October 2

Thanks to Penny for this:
Dana Perrino ( Fox News) describing an interview she recently 
had with a Navy SEAL. After discussing all the countries he had 
been sent to, she asked if they had to learn several languages? 
His reply: 
"Oh no ma'am, we don't go there to talk." 


Luckily the Presidential directive of "Courageous Restraint"
only applies to regular troops and Uniformed Social Workers.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"Without freedom to offend, there is no freedom of Speech." --- Salman Rushdie The power of accurate observation is commonly called cynicism by those who have not got it. --- George Bernard Shaw
The man walked over to the perfume counter and told the clerk he'd like a bottle of Chanel No. 5 for his wife's birthday. "A little surprise, eh?" smiled the clerk. "You bet," answered the customer. "She's expecting new tires for her car."
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

A lady who was speeding had an officer pull her to the side of the road. She didn't have her seat belt on so as soon as she stopped, she quickly slipped it on before the officer got to her window. After talking to her about speeding, the officer said, "I see you are wearing your seat belt. Do you believe in wearing it at all times?" "Yes, I do, officer," she replied. "Well," asked the officer, "do you always do it up with it looped through your steering wheel?"
At the airport check-in counter, I overheard a woman ask for window seats for her and her husband. The clerk pointed out that this would prevent them from sitting together. "Sweetie," the woman replied, "I just spent ten days of quality time in a compact rental car with this man. I know what I'm requesting." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Dyan Castorena, 40 Inmate fled work detail PHOENIX – The Arizona Department of Corrections is searching for an inmate who walked away from a work crew in Tolleson Friday morning. Dyan Castorena, 40, was working at the Manheim auto auction near Van Buren Street and 83rd Avenue when she took a car from the auction and drove away just after 11 a.m. She was last seen leaving the auction in a four-door silver or gray Toyota Camry driving west on Van Buren Street. Castorena is housed in the Piestewa Unit of Arizona State Prison Complex - Perryville. Arizona Department of Corrections teams from Perryville and the Lewis prison were dispatched to apprehend her. Castorena had been sentenced to 1.5 years out of Maricopa County for theft and has been in prison since July 13. It is not likely, that she will make it across the border and is facing five to ten years in maximum security, without a fresh air work release.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Rob Re: Copies of XP Dear Webby I put a copy of my Windows XP onto my daughter's computer after the hard drive on it went south and had to be replaced. It does the automatic updates just as regularly as mine. There is nothing to worry about. Rob
Dear Rob Yes, you are right. Some stats program at Microsoft simply adjusted the percentage of people who run the same serial number on more than one machine. As long as it is just in the family, they usually don't make a fuss. If you were putting the same Windows serial number onto a few hundred machines in a company, then you would hear from their lawyers or the cops. However, as far as I know, the automatic updates and bug fixes work anyway even if the same serial number is on more than one machine. With Microsoft Office you have to be more careful. They can axe that, just as you are trying to save a big document, and force you to pay for it right then and there. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A young girl brings home her fiance to meet her parents. After dinner, while the women are cleaning the table, the father invites the fiance into the living room. "So, what are your plans?" the father asks. "I'm a bible scholar," he replies. "A bible scholar," the father says, "admirable...but what will you do to provide a nice house for my daughter to live in, as she is accustomed to?" "I will study," the young man replies, "and God will provide for us." "And children?" asks the father, "How will you support children?" "I will concentrate on my studies," the young man replies, "God will provide for us." The conversation proceeds like this, and each time the father questions, the fiance insists that God will provide. Later that evening, the mother is alone with the father and asks him "So, how did it go?" The father says, "He has no job and no plans. But, he thinks I am God!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian Scout laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A nursery school teacher was delivering a station wagon full of kids home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmation dog. The children started discussing what the dog's duties might be. "They use him to keep crowds back," said one youngster. "No," said another, "he's just for good luck." A third child concluded. "No silly, they use the dog to find the fire hydrant!"

» Too Cute







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Soaked Surveyor's Tripod 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, October 1

Thanks to Carole for this:

Dear Webby, heres one you might can use. keep up the good work.  
Carole

It finally is making sense !
Check your shampoo bottle label. I don't know WHY I didn't 
figure this out sooner!!!! Its the shampoo I use in the shower! 
When I wash my hair, the shampoo runs down my whole body 
and (duh!) printed very clearly on the shampoo label is this 
warning, FOR EXTRA VOLUME AND BODY! 

NO wonder I have been gaining weight!!! Well! I have gotten 
rid of that shampoo and I am going to start using Dawn dish 
soap instead. Their label reads, 
DISSOLVES FAT THAT IS OTHERWISE DIFFICULT TO 
REMOVE. Problem Solved!!! 

If I don't answer the phone I'll be in the shower!!!
Your Blond friend.
Carole

I wonder how many people will now fill their bra with shampoo
while they sit in a tub of dish soap?

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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please donate what you can!

"One of the secrets of life is to make stepping stones out of stumbling blocks." --- Jack Penn Whaddya mean with that? A mistake, that is not repeated, is a stepping stone. DearWebby
When my sister got married, she asked to wear my mother's wedding dress. The day she tried it on for the first time I was sitting with Mother in the living room when my sister came down the stairs. The gown was a perfect fit on her petite frame. Mother's eyes welled with tears. I put my arm around her. "Don't cry, remember you're not losing a daughter, you're gaining a son." "Oh, I'm not crying about that. Good Riddance! It's time you cleaned up your own mess!" she said with a sob. "I used to fit into that dress!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

When a physician remarked on a new patient's extraordinarily ruddy complexion, he said, "High blood pressure, Doc. It comes from my family." "Your mother's side or your father's?" the doctor asked. "Neither," he replied. "It's from my wife's family." "Oh, come now," the doctor said. "How could your wife's family give you high blood pressure?" He sighed. "You oughta meet 'em sometime, Doc!"
A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to delivered the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news, the donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny, "I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer, " You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny, "Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny, "I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $998.00." Farmer, "Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny, " Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny eventually became a certain president's chief fund raiser. Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Charles Burnett, 29, of Teaneck, N.J. Robbed same bank three days in a row New Jersey resident Charles Burnett, we think he might have got the words should and shouldn't confused. On Monday morning, he pushed his way to the front of the queue at a Manhattan bank and handed a note to the teller to say that he had a gun and wanted some cash. On paper, it sounds like a good start. On the security camera, not so much. Burnett had failed to wear any disguise but wore gloves. That morning he only made $2,258. The next morning, rather than spending his money on a trip to Mexico and a new look, Burnett decided to head back to the same bank for more. This time he made around $14,000. The bank noticed they had a fan and sent security camera images of Burnett to the police and local papers. The next day, with all the staff and local authorities familiar with his face, he returned to rob the bank again. This time he made $10,002 but didn't make it very far before he was caught. Burnett was arrested by a pair of police officers passing by the bank as he exited Wednesday. "They tackled him today just as I was coming in," said teller Danielle Stephens, 25, who was present during Tuesday's robbery. "He ran out onto Gold Street and they tackled him." "Same guy, three days in a row," Stephens said. Obviously he wanted to get caught. He didn't seem like he was all there." Burnett was charged with three counts of robbery.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Frank Re: Soaked Tripod Dear Webby What do you mean with "well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod"? Do you mean the tripod of a well soaked or drunk surveyor? Frank
Dear Frank Surveyor's tripods are usually made from ash or beech wood, and as they age, they become hard and brittle. That causes them to transmit and even amplify the micro-tremors of the earth, both natural ones and from vehicles. Soaking the tripod in a creek or in the shower softens the wood and makes it absorb those micro tremors. That makes a huge difference in the sharpness and clarity of long zoom shots. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two factory workers were talking. "I think I'll take some time off from work,"said the man. "How do you think you'll do that?" asked , his co-worker. He proceeded to show...by climbing up to the rafters, and hanging upside down. The boss walked in, saw the man hanging from the ceiling, and asked him what on earth he was doing? "I'm a light bulb" answered the guy. "I think you need some time off," said the boss. So, the man jumped down and walked out of the factory. began walking out too. The boss asked, where was going. answered, "I'm going Home...........I can't work in the dark."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Dry Erase Board for Appointments We were always forgetting appointments, so we got a dry erase board and put it up right where we all could see it. We haven't missed an appointment since. It's also good for quick notes to each other. By Lazetta http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
With tongue firmly in cheek, here are some rules to keep in mind when using the Queen's Engerlish: 1. Verbs has to agree with their subjects. 2. Prepositions are not words to end sentences with. 3. And don't start a sentence with a conjunction. 4. It is wrong to ever split an infinitive. 5. Avoid cliches like the plague. (They're old hat). 6. Always avoid annoying alliteration. 7. Be more or less specific. 8. Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are (usually) unnecessary. 9. Also, too, never, ever use repetitive redundancies. 10. No sentence fragments. No comma splices, run-ons are bad too. 11. Contractions aren't helpful and shouldn't be used. 12. Foreign words and phrases are not apropos. 13. Do not be redundant; do not use more words than necessary; it's highly superfluous. 14. One should never generalize. 15. Comparisons are as bad as cliches. 16. Don't use no double negatives. 17. Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc. 18. One-word sentences? Eliminate. 19. Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake. 20. The passive voice is to be ignored. 21. Eliminate commas, that are, not necessary. Parenthetical words however should be enclosed in commas. 22. Never use a big word when a diminutive one would suffice. 23. Kill all exclamation points!!!! 24. Use words correctly, irregardless of how others use them. 25. Understatement is probably not the best way to propose earth shattering ideas. 26. Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed. 27. As Ralph Waldo Emerson said, "I hate quotations. Tell me what you know." 28. If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times: resist hyperbole; not one writer in a million can use it correctly. 29. Puns are for children, not groan readers. 30. Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms. 31. Even if a mixed metaphor sings, it should be derailed. 32. Who needs rhetorical questions? 33. Exaggeration is a million times worse than understatement. 34. Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
I had a pastor friend who went into the pulpit one Sunday morning wearing a pair of new bifocals. The reading portion of the glasses improved his vision considerably, but the top portion of the glasses didn't work so well. In fact he was experiencing dizziness every time he looked through them. He explained to the congregation that the new glasses were causing problems, "I hope you will excuse my continually removing my glasses," he said. "You see when I look down I can see fine, but when I look at you, it makes me sick."

» Art of Nature







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Don't use Digital Zoom! 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 30
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank you Cindy!


Thanks to Neil for this valuable info about moving the HOME 
button on recent versions of FireFox:

To move firefox home button (or any other for that matter)
Open the Customize window via "View > Toolbars > Customize" or 
via "Firefox > Options > Toolbar Layout"
Drag the Home button from its current position at the right to the 
left end of the location bar. 

Thanks Neil!
Ignore the stuff that opens, just take that as a signal, 
that the top of the browser is unlocked, and that you can drag 
any and all stuff around.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

"Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city." --- George Burns A truth that's told with bad intent beats all the lies you can invent. --- William Blake (1757 - 1827)
A teacher caught a student in the hall during class time and said, "Jill, tell me, whose class you're cutting this time?" The young teen said, "Like, uh, see, okay, like it's like, I really don't like, think like, that's really important, y'know, like because I'm, y'know, like I don't get anything out of it." The teacher smiled and said, "It's your English class, isn't it?"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

In a fancy restaurant in Columbia, a Yuppie started to choke on a bone. A man rushed over, reassured the Yuppie that he was going to be all right and identified himself as a doctor. He performed the Heimlich Maneuver. The bone popped out. As the man's breath & voice returned he said, "I'm ever so grateful doctor, how can I ever repay you?" The doctor smiled and said, "I'll settle for one-tenth of what you were willing to pay while you were choking."
Two little boys were sitting on the dock talking. One little boy turned to the other little boy and said, "My grandfather has a wooden leg." The other little boy replied, "So what? My grandma has a cedar chest." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to First American Funding Co. Columbus mortgage firm hit with largest 'no call' fine in state history A Columbus residential mortgage company has been ordered to pay $144,000 to the state for violating the Wisconsin "no call" law, in what the attorney general is calling the largest judgment against a company for violating the law in state history. First American Funding Co. was sued by the state earlier this year for "massive violations" of the no-call law. The no-call law allows phone users in Wisconsin to put their phone numbers on the no-call list, supposedly prohibiting companies from making unsolicited sales calls. According to the state's complaint, First American Funding made about 3 million telephone solicitation calls in 2010, with half or more of those calls in some months going to numbers on the "no-call" list. "As this judgment shows, those who ignore the Wisconsin 'no-call' list do so at their own peril," said Attorney General J.B. Van Hollen in a press release announcing the judgment. If First American Funding violates the terms of the settlement with the state, it could face up to $750,000 in fines. More than 60 consumers filed complaints about the company with the Wisconsin Department of Agriculture, Trade and Consumer Protection.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Herber Re: Digital Zoom Dear Webby I am not at all impressed with the Digital zoom on my camera. How high is it safe to go with it? Herber Dear Herber Don't use the digital zoom at all. It's just idiot bait that sales people use to catch people who don't have a clue about digital cameras. All the digital zoom does is increase the size of the pixels. That makes it appear almost like a zoom or an enlargement in your paint program, except it makes everything coarse and jaggy. Leave the digital zoom set at 0 or 1, get a sharp picture, and enlarge that, if necessary, in your paint program. With the real glass zoom, clarity and sharpness depend MORE on how steady the camera is than on the price of the optics. For the absolute steadiest base of a camera, use an old, soft leather purse filled with sand or bird shot. Second best is a well soaked wooden surveyor's tripod. Third best is a twenty-pound or better movie camera tripod. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The pastor of our church began his sermon with this story: "I was on a plane last week, from Chicago to California, when we ran into some very severe turbulence. As it got worse, the passengers became more and more alarmed, and even the flight attendants began to look concerned. Finally, one of them noticed that I had 'Rev.' in front of my name on the passenger list, came over to me, and said, 'Sir, this is really frightening. Do you suppose you could, I don't know...do something religious?'" "So I took up a collection."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Cut Flowers Last Longer To prolong the life of cut flowers in a vase, add a couple of drops of chlorine bleach. Never submerse any of the stem with leaves in the water. It adds to the decay factor. By Teresa from Vine Grove, KY http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Bob for this: When I picked up my Ford Escort at the service station after some minor repairs, I paid by check as usual. A couple of weeks later I came home from work to find my fiancee quite upset. She gave me the silent treatment until I figured out why she was so angry. She had noticed the canceled check, and on the memo line I had written "Escort Service."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
There was this guy who was 1/2 Irish, 1/2 Scottish... He really wanted a drink, but he just couldn't bring himself to buy one.

» Concrete BooBoos







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Roboform and FireFox 7 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 29

Got the results of the tests. Apparently my heart was pumping
at 38% of what it should have. That is no surprise to me. 
In that silly torture position I shut down like a tiger waiting 
for some food to come close enough.

They are going to do the walking test next week.
I wonder if they are practising or training?


Sandie asked me about the Tritium, that supposedly escaped
at the Palisades nuclear power plant in Michigan.

Tritium is a harmless isotope of hydrogen, and like hydrogen
or helium, it goes straight up. In captivity, it fires off Beta
particles, just like the green dots on gramma's alarm clock.
They go about a quarter inch in clean air, less in dirty air,
and they can not penetrate the dead outermost layer of skin.

If you were hoping for mutated mutts and purple cats, you
are out of luck. Tritium has always been around power plants,
but since it is harmless and rather useless, nobody except
reporters desperate for something to exaggerate, has paid
any attention to it. Tritium is like the Ozone generated in
light switches and breakers. Yes, sure, and so what?
It is measurable, but of absolutely no consequence.
Don't worry about it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


If you can help with the server cost
please donate what you can!

Think you can, think you can’t; either way, you’ll be right. --- Henry Ford "There are more important things in life than money, but they won't go out with you if you're broke." --- Socratex
Thanks to Bill fro this: You know it's going to be a bad day when your teenager knocks on your bedroom door first thing in the morning and says, "Today is Nerd Day at school, Pop. Can I borrow some of your clothes?"
If you want to make some money on the side,
now you can use the GTR Money Machine

A girl said to the salesman, "I'm not sure if I should buy a sweatshirt or a windbreaker." He replied, "Well, that depends. Are you going sweat, or are you gonna break wind?"
I overheard a couple talking while they came out of a ressaturant and discussing their bill. "Well Mary," said the man, "Near as I can figure, based of the price of the ham dinner you just ate, each of the hogs back on the farm are worth more than a tractor." Click through for the big picture.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Misael Ruiz, 31 in Salinas California Man Posing As Female Prostitute Shot By Stun Gun SALINAS, Calif. -- Monterey County sheriff's deputies said they arrested a 31-year-old Salinas man who posed as a female prostitute before getting into a fight on Highway 101. On Tuesday night, Bryan Oster offered to pay Misael Ruiz, who he believed was a woman, $60 for sexual acts, Deputy Nicholas Kennedy said. Ruiz agreed and got into the 36-year-old's 1986 Silver Nissan, authorities said. After doing the sex acts inside the Nissan, the prostitute attempted to take more than $60 from Oster while he was driving, Kennedy said. The two men broke into a fight that eventually spilled into the street. "Oster produced a Taser electric stun device and repeatedly tried to use this device on Ruiz in order to retrieve his cash," Kennedy said. While wearing women's clothing, eyebrow liner, and lipstick, Ruiz fought back by beating Oster with a large rock, deputies said. While the two men were fighting, witnesses called 911 and deputies arrived on the scene at 11:25 p.m. Both men were arrested and booked into the Monterey County Jail. Ruiz, of Pearl Street in Salinas, was charged with prostitution and Oster was charged with assault with a deadly weapon, deputies said.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Sue Re: RoboForm problem with FireFox 7 Dear Webby You talked me into using RoboForm many yeaars ago, and I am very glad and grateful you did. The other day FireFox updated to version 7, which is OK, except for putting the HOME icon onto the far right corner, which is usually shoved beyond the edge of the screen. What is NOT OK is that RoboForm does not work with FireFox7. What do you recommend? Going to an earlier version of FireFox? Thanks Sue Dear Sue Just go to roboform.com and download the current version, and do a really lazy install. It takes a while converting all your 6900 user names and passwords to the new format, so don't be impatient. Close down FireFox and let it do it's thing, while you go do the dishes. If you close down FireFox after starting the RoboForm Re-installation, it won't need your input, and it will be quite safe to even have breakfast. When you return, start up FireFox and it will have the familiar RoboForm bar and all your passwords will work as usual. However, if you get impatient and start FireFox before the RoboForm re-installation is completed, it won't work, and there might even be a danger, that you trash some passwords. So, do a lazy and patient installation, without messing around while it does it's thing, and it will work just fine. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Helen and Amanda were discussing their busy schedules. Helen said, "Amanda, I must ask you something. Every day I feel incredibly run down and tired. And yet, I see you looking as fresh as a rose. I have to know: what's your secret?" "My secret? Every morning, without fail, I wake up at six o'clock sharp." "You wake up at six o'clock?" "Yes, and then I look at the clock, see what time it is, and go back to sleep for another four hours."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Make Your Own Moon Sand For "moon sand", mix 9 cups play sand (really fine sand you can find at Wal-Mart). Add 3 cups cornstarch and 2 1/4 to 2 1/2 cups water. Start with 2 1/4 cup and continue adding water until you have the desired consistency. Mix well. Cover and store in an airtight container. You may need to add a few tablespoons of water if it needs to be moistened. By duckie-do from Cortez, CO http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A man walked into a beer joint near Waco and ordered a beer. Just then President Obama appeared on the television. After a few sips, the stranger looked up at the television and mumbled, "Now, there's the biggest horse's ass I've ever seen." A customer at the end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him, and decked him. A few minutes later, as the man was finishing his beer, Hillary Clinton appeared on the television. "She's a horse's ass, too," he muttered. This time, a customer at the other end of the bar quickly stood up, walked over to him and knocked him flat. The man said, climbing back up to the bar, "This must be Clinton country!" "Nope," says the bartender, "horse country." ------ Feel free to change the names in that joke. Originally it featured Napoleon.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Ralph was an Air Force colonel. He routinely flew on different aircraft to familiarize himself with their capabilities. One day he was aboard an intelligence aircraft where each crew member was surrounded by complex gear. A young major showed him his computer screen. "That's a chat screen, Sir," the soldier said. "We use it to relay enemy information to the crew--like instant messaging." Nodding, he moved down the line. Flashing on an airman's screen several feet away was this warning: "Hide the game! Brass coming your way!"

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10 Misconceptions of Moms and Back-to-School 

Misconception Number 1:
Moms miss their kids when they go back to school.

Seriously. I've had enough of you by now. Every morning with the "what are we going to do today, Mom?" is finally over. I've had looked at your face twenty-four seven for the last 77 days. It's time to go learn something. No more asking me about the pool, when is the next snack or if you can stay up late and watch a movie. It's over..You're going back to Hogwarts and I get to have a life again. There is a Christmas morning for parents and it's called "back to school".

Misconception Number 2: Moms like to go school shopping.

Are you freaking kidding me? Why do I pay taxes? So I can rack up a 200 dollar bill at Staples for crap that we have laying around my house in junk drawers. Why does it have to be new pencils? What's wrong with the chewed up, broken strawberry shortcake pencils sitting in the bottom of the toy box for the last 6 months? And how many subject books can you possibly need? What happened to reading, writing and arithmetic. If they added a couple of things for parents to that list I wouldn't mind so much..why not pencils, erasers and vodka ...or some Nyquil.

Misconception Number 3: Moms like back to school night.

Why must we do this every year? I got it already. You're the teacher. I'm the parent. My kid is either going to be smart or dumb. If he gets a certain number or colored dot on his discipline chart, he can't get a prize from the prize box. Pretty simple stuff. Listen, I'm pretty old school. If he doesn't listen to you, you can throw something at him. I don't care. But I got a lot of work to do at home and I'm paying a babysitter right now. Plus, I'm pretty sure you are going to assign some project on wigwams made by some Indian tribe I've never heard of, so I need to get home and start my research. So, I got it. We're all here for the betterment of the kids. Blah Blah. Can I leave now?

Misconception Number 4: Moms like school paperwork.

How many trees are you planning on killing to tell me the same stuff I had to pay a babysitter to listen to the other night? You know our name, where we live and our emergency phone numbers. He doesn't have a nickname..call him "stink butt" for all I care. We don't have any "special circumstances" that you need to know about. He lives in a home with two parents who may or may not like each other at any given time and they will fight. If that qualifies as a reason he can't get his homework done on time then he won't be able to function as an adult and have a real job so you may want to "educate" him on that life lesson.

Misconception Number 5: Moms like covering books in that annoying sticky paper.

What exactly will you be doing with these books that I have to cover them in a plastic laminate? Do you often teach in the rain? Or while the children are drinking soda and eating soup? Do you know how long that takes? Has any parent in the history of education been able to do it without any air bubbles in it? From now on I'm covering it the old way, brown paper bags. That way I can cover the books and pack their lunches at that same time. Who says moms can't multitask?

PS. Please tell my son if he can't find his lunch to look in his science book.

Misconception Number 6: Moms like helping you with your homework.

What? I am scared out of my mind. I'm pretty sure that I forgot everything I learned in fifth grade by the time I was in sixth grade. I have no idea what you are talking about most days. I don't really know my 12 times tables. I read the cliff notes to all your summer reading and I don't know how to conjugate anything but I do know that song "conjunction junction what's your function" if that helps at all. And please don't even say the words "new Math" to me. What the heck was wrong the old one?

Misconception Number 7: Moms can't wait to pack your lunch every day until we die.

I hate doing laundry. Making dinner every night is the bane of my existence, so making your lunch every day for an entire year, in terms of "mom fun", lies somewhere between brushing plaque off the dogs teeth and scheduling my annual pap smear. Listen, as a child I hated what my mom packed me for lunch. But, like every kid before me, and every generation to come you will find a kid to trade with. I'm sure someone likes sardines.

Misconception Number 8: Moms love after school activities.

I don't know who made up this idea of organized clubs and sports but they should be the ones in charge of carting your ass around. Don't get me wrong. I'm not against all after school programs. I just wish they would offer it during hours that would work best for me so that dinner wasn't at 8:30 at night followed by 4 hours of homework. Why not do it on the weekends and call it "after-hours activities" so mommy and daddy could actually go out one night and pretend that we have a life of our own. Don't worry about us though I'm sure that me and "what's his name" will be married a very long time.

Misconception Number 9: Moms don't mind taking you to school if you miss the bus.

Your bus comes at 7:10 am..which means that you should be standing by the door at 7:05 am. Not eating breakfast, chasing the dog around the house or in the bathroom, asking me to check your homework while I'm taking a shower. Get it together! I don't like running down the street in my jammies at 7:12 screaming "Please wait" or "If you stop I'll show you my boobies."

Misconception Number 10: Moms cry on your first day of school.

We do cry but they are tears of joy. I have done my job. I have successfully kept a human child alive for at least 5 years without doing any major damage. Motherhood is the hardest job in the world!! Sure, doctors save lives and CEO's run million dollar businesses. But you teach a kid not to poop their pants and then you can say you've made the world a better place."




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List picture names on CD into a file 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 28

I did all the tests at the hosital, except the six minute walk
with an escort. They chickened out. Instead of it they cranked 
the MRI bench into an uncomfortable position, and made me
stretch my arms above my head for half an hour. Apparently 
that stresses the heart the same way. A lot less fun, though.
I will find out the results tomorrow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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When they call the roll in the Senate, the Senators do not know whether to answer 'Present' or 'Not guilty.' --- Theodore Roosevelt The final test of a leader is that he leaves behind him in other men the conviction and the will to carry on. --- Walter Lippman
Thanks to Sandie for this story: At an Irish wedding reception someone yelled... "Would all the married men, please stand next to the one person, who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death.
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Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was streaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read: "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way to avoid getting court-marshalled for stealing a ship." Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Minarsich, 28 in Iowa City, Iowa Sex Bid Rebuffed, Woman Hits Man, Is Nailed By Cops SEPTEMBER 27--“All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?” That’s what Melissa Minarsich said to police last night when they arrived at her Iowa City home in response to a call of a “female out of control.” As detailed by Minarsich, 28, she got into an altercation with her boyfriend “because he would not have sex with her.” An Iowa City woman is accused of ripping a door off a house and striking her boyfriend because he refused to have sex with her. Melissa B. Minarsich, 28, of 131 Taft Speedway, is charged with domestic abuse assault, second offense, after the argument at 10:24 p.m. Monday at her residence. Officers were called to the residence for a report of a female out of control. Minarsich’s boyfriend, with whom she has an 8-month-old son, said she became upset when he refused to have sex with her, according to police reports. Minarsich, who smelled strongly of alcohol and had slurred speech, admitted to police this was the case. “All I want is a piece of ass, is that too much to ask for?” Minarsich asked the police. Minarsich is accused of hitting her boyfriend a few times without injury and ripping the storm door off the house. She was previously convicted of domestic assault in Iowa in 2009, according to records.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Erin Re: List picture names on CD into a file Dear Webby I want the names of the pictures on some CDs listed in a file, that I can pull into a spreadsheet for sorting and finding specific pictures, without having to load all the CDs and search through each of them. I'm sure you have some trick similar to your xcopy trick. Erin Dear Erin Yes, sure. If you just want the file names, and assuming your CD is in the D: drive, use dir /b D:\ > listname1.txt then for the next CD use dir /b D:\ > listname2.txt and so on. Then you can open those text files, copy the content and paste them into a spreadsheet. Paste them into column B, and copy for example CD-1 into the cells in column A as far down as there are file names. Then do the same for the next CD file, but label each row in column A for that CD. You can even color each batch with a different background color. That way you can later sort them alphabetically, and instantly see which CD has the file you are looking for, for example, light green, CD12. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Western Australian Police have just launched a new unit that roves around dealing with trouble spots. It was launched on with an assignment to control crowds at a large concert; it made the TV news, with an officer proudly saying they were the: "Fast Action Response Team" ... gotta love their acronym" F.A.R.T.
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Comment from Susan: I would have annotated this (yesterday's tip about using a dog-tag instead of a medical alert bracelet) by urging someone with serious medical issues to get a Medic Alert bracelet or necklace to wear on her person 24/7. EMTs are not to be looking at her car keys if they come across this person in a diabetic coma, they will be looking at her neck and wrist and taking her vital signs. If she had a car accident and her keys are in the car and she's in the road, nobody is going to rush to her car to examine her keychain. Medic Alerts carry a phone number they can call for detailed information and the item itself carries the most important information, not just "Diabetic". It's true you have to pay more for Medic Alert but if one's health is of concern it's well worth it. This tip could convey a false sense of security to people with medical issues. Susan Keep Pins in Prescription Bottle Keep straight pins in a prescription medication bottle. This keeps them out of children's hands. By kirstenenswan from Logan, UT http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A new employee is invited to the boss's house for dinner, just as a way of welcoming him into the company. After they had eaten a large meal, the new employee leans sideways on his chair and lets rip an almighty fart. The boss, with a look of disgust, turns to the man and says, "How dare you fart in front of my wife?!" The man replies, "Oh, I'm sorry -- I didn't realize it was her turn!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
An elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can hear again." The gentleman replied, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three times!"

» Skaftafell







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Force copying without stopping due to problems 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 27

By the time you are reading this, I will be on the road to
Foothills Hospital on the far side of Calgary. They want 
to do a whole bunch of fancy testing, from MRI to injecting
me with a radioactive dye to measure exactly how much
blood my heart pumps per stroke. 

One of the tests supposedly has me instrumented for 16 EKG
measurement points and hiking the hallways of the hospital 
"for six minutes while accompanied by an escort". 
Yeah, sure.
I imagine the escort will be some old docs on an electric
golf cart, yelling at me to walk slower, but I am quite willing
to let them surprise me.

I'll tell you all about how it went tomorrow.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"If you want to cut down on the number of relatives who are hanging around, borrow money from the rich ones and lend money to the ones who are poor. You will never see any of them again." --- Socratex "Chance only favors a prepared mind" --- Louis Pasteur
A patient, while recovering in the hospital from a heart attack, met this over-zealous evangelist. After listening politely for over a half-hour on how thankful he should be to have been spared, and how he should repent at once, he was asked if all of his sins had flashed before his eyes during the heart attack. The patient responded, with a deliberately slurry and sleepy voice: "Don't be silly, the attack lasted only 6 hours! I just got to where I ducktaped that preacher's mouth, when it ended."
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A family was having some people to dinner. At the table, the mother turned to her little daughter and said, "Dear, would you like to say the blessing?" "I wouldn't know what to say," replied the little girl, shyly. "Just say what you heard Mommy say." the woman said. Her daughter took a deep breath, bowed her head, and solemnly said, "Dear Lawd, why in he-all did I let Dave invite all these ungwatefull smobs to dinner again!?!"
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture. Red Maple among the Blue Eyed Marys
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Andy Huynh, Nicholas Kalscheuer and Nicholas Fiumetto, all 19, in Covina, Cdalifornia Three Stooges Three Covina men are behind bars after they allegedly stole a 30-pack of Tecate beer from a market and attempted to escape but crashed a car and hit an employee who chased them, then one ran through a car wash and another left behind his ID. Andy Huynh, Nicholas Kalscheuer and Nicholas Fiumetto, all 19, were arrested Wednesday on charges of robbery, assault with a deadly weapon and resisting arrest, according to a Covina police report. Kalscheuer and Fiumetto entered the Baja Ranch Market about 3 p.m. Wednesday while Huynh remained behind the wheel of a car nearby. Inside the store, Fiumetto grabbed a 30-pack of beer and the two men ran out. Employees ran after the pair into the parking lot, grabbing and detaining Kalscheuer and later turning him over to police, according to the report. Fiumetto, meanwhile, threw the beer in the car and jumped in the front passenger seat. As Huynh pulled out, an employee jumped on the hood of the car to avoid getting run over. Huynh careened through the parking lot, crashing against a curb and sending the employee onto the pavement, scraping his arms in the fall, according to the report. Huynh and Fiumetto ran off. Fiumetto climbed a fence and ran into the Citrus Car Wash next door. Pepe Pinedo, the car wash manager, was standing amid drying cars when he saw Fiumetto, pursued by two officers, run into the car wash tunnel. At the time, "there were two cars being washed in the tunnel," Pinedo said. "He got into the wash and the rollers and got all wet." "By the time, he came out of the car wash, the officer was already on the other end of the tunnel," he continued. "It was kind of funny. It was a nice show." Huynh ran off but had left his wallet and identification in the car. Police officers contacted him later and convinced him to turn himself in. All three men are expected to be arraigned in court Friday. Until then, they are being held in Covina City Jail in lieu of $50,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Trudy Re: Force copying Dear Webby When I try copying my mail directory over to the machine that has the CD burner, the Windows Explorer keeps tripping up on all kinds of silly things, and of course each time aborts the copying. This is driving me absolutely nuts! Is there a way to do it from the DOS command line? Trudy Dear Trudy That problem goes back a lot further than Windows and is a bug in the copy command. Somebody forgot to put in a way to recover from an error, just list it and get on with the job. Incidentally, that is one of the major reasons DOS or Windows never got mission critical certification. Luckily around the time of DOS 2 somebody ported the UNIX xcopy command eo DOS and Microsoft later adopted it very quietly. Even though it works well, to this day there are very few people that seem to know and use it. As is common with UNIX commands, xcopy has about two dozen "switches" to make it do exactly what you want. If you want to see and print all of the options, go to the command line: START RUN cmd then type xcopy /? You might want to print out the list of switches, or write your favorite ones on a piece of tape on the monitor rim, like a lot of pros do. To copy a directory (folder) and it's subdirectories without stopping for machine specific config files, which you don't want to copy or overwrite anyway, and copy only those files which are newer on the source than the destination, copy hidden and system files, overwrite Read-Only files, not show the list of files as they scroll down the screen, and YES, dangit, copy the stuff without any silly prompts, then use these switches: xcopy source destination /S /V /C /H /Q /R /Y You don't have to be at the source or the destination for that to work. You can have that command in a text file with a .bat extension, and hae that file in your toolbox folder, or even on your desktop. Like all DOS commands, xcopy works fine in bats. You can put that line into a batchfile and make a desktop shortcut icon to it. That way you simply click on that shortcut icon and it wheelbarrows all the new or changed files in your mail directory AND it's subdirectories over to the machine with the CD burner, without any fuss whatsoever. Have FUN! DearWebby
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The Wednesday-night church service coincided with the last day of hunting season. Our pastor asked who had bagged a deer. No one raised a hand. Puzzled, the pastor said, "I don't get it. Last Sunday many of you said you were missing because of hunting season. I had the whole congregation pray for your deer." One hunter groaned, "Well, it worked. They're all safe."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
This woman goes into a funeral home to make arrangements for her husband's funeral. She tells the director that she wants her husband to be buried in a dark blue suit. He asks, "Wouldn't it just be easier to bury him in the black suit that he's wearing?" But she insists that it must be a blue suit and gives him a blank check to buy one. When she comes back for the wake, she sees her husband in the coffin and he is wearing a beautiful blue suit. She tells the director how much she loves the suit and asks how much it cost. He says, "Actually, it didn't cost much. The funniest thing happened. As soon as you left, another corpse was brought in, this one wearing a blue suit. I noticed that they were about the same size, and asked the other widow if she would mind if her husband were buried in a black suit. She said that was fine with her. So... I switched the heads. The fee for that is only $750."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
My sister, went to the department store to check out the bridal registry of our niece whose wedding was coming up soon. When my sister returned from the store, she tossed the gift list on a table and declared, "I think she's too young to get married." "Why do you say that?" I asked. "Because," she said, "they've registered for Nintendo games."

» Molten Chocolate







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True Story or Urban Legend 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Monday, September 26


All that accomplishes for them is losing respect. 
Nobody likes the searches at the airports, and any group
trying to get exemptions on religious grounds just isolates
them. They obviously won't get their exemptions, so why
be a nuisance about it?

Until now the Sikhs had earned respect by being more
mature and civilized than other turban wearers, but events
like this will erode that respect very quickly!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"A psychologist once said that we know little about the conscience except that it is soluble in alcohol." ---Thomas Blackburn To do is to be --- Descartes To be is to do --- Voltaire Do be do be doo - --- Frank Sinatra Make love, not war --- Richard Leary Hell, do both, get married! --- Rosy
Mr. Jones patted his daughter's hand fondly, and told her, "Your young man told me today he wanted you as a bride, and I gave my consent." "Oh, Papa," gushed the daughter, "it's going to be so hard leaving mother." "I understand perfectly, my dear," beamed Mr. Jones. "You can gladly take her with you."
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On a high school science quiz in Florida there was the question, "When water becomes ice which of its physical properties increases?" Everyone answered, "Its volume.." Except one wise guy who wrote, "When water becomes ice, its price increases."
Thanks to Betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture. The geese are getting organized for their trip south.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Marsha Munley, 37 and William Rice, 44 of Denham Springs, LA Crooks busted after they walked into Sheriff's Office DENHAM SPRINGS, LA — According to Fox 44 in Baton Rouge, a rash of vacuum thefts in Livingston Parish had the Sheriff’s Office baffled. That is until the thieves unwittingly drove themselves straight into Deputy custody. During the afternoon hours on Wednesday, Sept. 21, a deputy looked out of his office window and couldn’t believe what he saw. It was the vehicle they had been seeking in connection to a series of thefts that had occurred over the past week at a car wash establishment. Detectives determined that the couple would break the lock mechanisms to gain entry into vacuum cleaners and steal the coins they found in the trash containers located inside. (Not the coin operation strong-box, but the odd coins vacuumed up along with cigarette butts and dropped fries.) No less than four businesses were victimized by the pair. The investigation is ongoing and more charges are forthcoming. The vehicle had been caught on surveillance cameras. The driver of the 1990’s model red and white Chevy Suburban that was caught on tape went into the Sheriff’s Office to file a theft complain in an unrelated matter. Detectives took the statement of William Rice, 44, of Denham Springs and his female companion Marsha Munley, 37, also of Denham Springs. Once they took the statement, the duo was taken into custody and they were each charged with 3 counts of Simple Criminal Damage to Property and 1 Count Simple Theft. The investigation is ongoing and more charges are forthcoming. Rice and Munley are currently locked up in the Livingston Parish Detention Center. Their bond has been set at $2,000. Officials say that Rice and Munley would break the lock mechanism to gain entry into vacuum cleaners and steal the coins in the trash.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Ms Liebsock Re: TRUE STORY Dear Webby TRUE STORY ... Dear Ms Liebsock Whenever you see "TRUE STORY" and it comes from AOL, it is a hoax. Also, if it comes from AOL and you read "As announced by Microsoft (or IBM, or AOL, or McAfee, or etc.) you can also file it on the same shelf. And take it with a big grain of salt. For tons of examples of "TRUE STORY" hoaxes click on the Urban Legend link in the left side margin of the Humor Letter. There are nowhere near all of them there, but plenty to keep you laughing for years. Have FUN! DearWebby
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President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Thanks to Jeanne for this: As a frequent flier, I get annoyed when other passengers disregard the airline attendant's pleas to stay seated when the plane taxies to the gate. One attendant captured my heart by announcing: "The captain will be parking the aircraft at Gate 41 in approximately two minutes. I've seen the captain's car. So if I were you, I'd remain seated."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
"Ode to the Spell Checker!" Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew.

» Globa Obelisks







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Filter spam by conent, not by FROM address 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Sunday, September 25

Thank you Patricia!

Sandie sent me a link to an ancient roman shipyard, that has
been uncovered, right where all the old books said it had been,
in the ancient Roman suburb of Portus.
Roman Shipyard 

What seems incredible to me is not the shipyard, but that Rome
in those days was already bigger than San Francisco is now,
and at that time coped quite well. Imagine the garbage, water 
and sewer bills in a Million+ town distributed on stone or clay
tablets! 

The cops in those days were strictly foot patrols. No cop
cars, no guns. But they managed.

They didn't have a problem with illegals. Everybody paid taxes,
except for the slaves. If somebody didn't want to pay taxes, 
they better liked seafood, because they got a job as a chained
on rower on a ship, for life. But that was no problem. Immigrants
stood in line to get onto the tax rolls, that gave them the 
protection of the Pax Romana, the set of laws, upon which
all of our laws are based. Yeah, based on, and heavily amended
so as to be sometimes the opposite of the original.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Behind the phony tinsel of Hollywood lies the real tinsel. --- Oscar Levant Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and it may be necessary from time to time to give a stupid or misinformed beholder a black eye. --- Miss Piggy One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. --- Socratex To be intoxicated is to feel sophisticated but not be able to say it. --- Socratex Women like silent men, they think they're listening. --- Socratex
Here is a delightful classic: Two gas company servicemen, a senior training supervisor and a young trainee, were out checking meters in a suburban neighborhood. They parked their truck at the end of the alley and worked their way to the other end. At the last house an older woman was looking out her kitchen window watching the two men as they checked her gas meter. Finishing the meter check, the senior supervisor challenged his younger coworker to a foot race down the alley and back to the truck to prove that an older guy could outrun a younger one. As they came running up to the truck, they realized the lady from that last house was huffing and puffing right behind them. They stopped and asked her what was wrong. Gasping for breath, she replied, "When I see two gas men running as hard as you two were, I figure I'd better run too!"
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My sister was bemoaning the fact that she had procrastinated cleaning and organizing her house for a long time. Since she was planning to entertain, she felt a lot of pressure to get moving. That afternoon she phoned, sounding glum. "I went to the bookstore," she explained, "and I bought a book on how to get organized. I was all fired up, and decided to clean out all the shelves in the living room. While I was working, I found the same darn book. I had bought it twice before."
Thanks to betty for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Natalie Behnke, 25, in Clearwater, FL Unauthorized stripper Clearwater, Florida -- She took off her clothes and asked customers for money. That's not an unusual occurrence at the Baby Dolls gentleman's club in Clearwater, but the problem is, Natalie Behnke was no exotic dancer. When the Pinellas Sheriff's Office was called to the club Tuesday night, the responding deputy was greeted by Behnke, 25, at the front door in her underwear. She was described as emotional and intoxicated. he club's manager told the deputy Behnke was inside earlier when she began taking off her clothes and approaching customers, asking for money. The manager reportedly told her to put her clothes back on, but Behnke refused and became aggressive with the female employees when they told her she could not do what she was doing. Behnke was arrested and charged with disorderly intoxication. Mugshots of her last 7 arrests are here. Most were for False ID, Driving while License Suspended, DUI, etc.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: George Re: Can't block mail with bad return addresses Dear Webby... I received this spam at my old address, but am unable to add the address to the 'Blocked Sender List' because of the '-' ! My question for you: How can I get rid of this spammer? From: comcast@unspecified-domain George Dear George The problem is not the dash, but the missing ".com" "unspecified-domain" means the spammer didn't specify a domain. I don't bother filtering by the usually forged FROM address. I filter by the content. Look for something in the content, that you see only in spam but not in legitimate mails, and filter for that. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Now this is a real classic. The first time I saw that, it was on the old Fax-Jokes circuit. JOB OFFER Reverend Samuel Joesph Woodstone 515 North Lilly Street Dallas, Texas Dear Sir, You may have seen me on television during my crusade, preaching the word and begging people to change their lives. Sitting behind me was a rather worn, battered, weathered, poor excuse for a human by the name of Headford Lonston. He is a serious drunk, womanizer and exhibits all that is wrong with mankind. I point to him during my services to show how drinking, smoking, drugs, and mis-using Gods talents can destory a man. Mr Headford also had the worst BO in the world and the worst breath. Mr Headford would just nod his head, fart, belch, scratch his butt and grin with his two teeth as I would preach the word of God to the masses. Well about two weeks ago Headford passed away, a miserable excuse for a man. I prayed over his souless body hoping beyond hope that God in His wisdom would forgive Headford. So this brings me aroung to the point of this letter. I am in need of another Headford and many of your friends, family and work mates have suggested you as the only possible heir to Heaford's job. Please respond so we may make plans to continue to do the Lord's work. Sincerely, The Rev Sam Woodstone
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Dog Tag for Medical Information I purchased a dog tag from PetSmart and on one side I have my name and phone number, on the other side I list O-POS / DIABETIC. It's attached to my key chain just in case of an emergency and can easily be seen. By CaroleeRose from Madison, AL http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Bob's pager went off, summoning him to the hospital, where he is an anesthetist. As he raced toward the hospital, a patrol car sped up behind him--lights flashing. Bob hung his stethoscope out the window to signal that he was on an emergency call. Within seconds, came the police officer's hand in response, dangling a pair of handcuffs out the window.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A couple of country doctors in West Virginia were discussing the population explosion in the world. One physician says, "Why, Bubba, this crazy birth thang is gettin' so bad that perty soon, they ain't gonna be room for ever'body! There'sa gonna be standin' room only on this here planet!" The other doctor replied, "Heck, that sure oughta slow 'em down a bit!"

» Ocelots







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Don't bounce spam, just dump it 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Saturday, September 24

Yesterday was a day of vivid colors.
When I finally finished Thursday's work at 7 am, the sky
over the prairies in the East was on fire. You see the 
picture further down.

In the evening it was still hot from the afternoon, so I
delayed my walk until the temperature dropped below 27º
(80 F). By then a light breeze made it more comfortable.
I hiked to Mainstreet, then up to the water tower, over to 
the hospital and back down into the valley via the hospital 
trail. 

The sun had set before I got to mainstreet, but unlike in the 
South, it takes well over an hour to get dark here. As I came
down the trail from the hospital, the sky is the West was 
bright white gold to yellow and fading into navy blue above.
Boring, very boring, compared to the sky in the North-Northwest.
There we had ripples of hundreds of shades of pink and purple,
getting darker toward the top, and the town below already dark 
with street lights and windows lit.

I was wishing I had brought my camera, but even more wished
I was not the only one seeing it.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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A fanatic is one who can't change his mind and won't change the subject. --- Sir Winston Churchill I respect faith, but doubt is what gets you an education. --- Wilson Mizner
A spiritualist who'd recently been widowed met a colleague and reported excitedly that she'd just received a message from her dead husband - asking her to send him a carton of cigarettes. "The only thing is," she mused, "that I don't know where to send them." "Why not?" asked her friend. "Well, he didn't actually say that he was in Heaven - but I can't imagine he'd be in Hell." "Hmmm," responded the friend. "Well, maybe I shouldn't bring this up, but. . . did he mention anything about including matches in the package?"
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The shoe dealer was interviewing a potential salesman. "Suppose," he said, "a lady customer were to remark while you were trying to fit her, 'Don't you think one of my feet is bigger than the other?' What would you say?" "I would say, 'On the contrary, Ma'am, one is smaller than the other.'" "The job is yours."
Click through for the big picture. This was the sky in the east at 7:00 am yesterday. Where I stood, it was still pitch dark, and the picture had to be a long exposure. That is why the wind shaking the leaves made the trees fuzzy, and the clouds too.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter, please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: Thanks for your votes!

An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Albert Metz Jr., 67 in CASPER, Wyo 2 DUIs in one night A 67-year-old Wyoming man managed to get two DUIs in one night, the Casper Star-Tribune reports. Albert Metz Jr. posted his bond and was released about 2 hours after the first arrest - the county has always allowed it - then got pulled over again for blowing a stop sign about 25 minutes later (right outside the jail). His blood-alcohol level had dipped from .087 to .061, but was still over the state limit.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Joyce Re: Bounced mail comes back Dear Webby... Re: bad return addresses Dear Webby, I love my "MailWasher Pro" but lately I have been getting some of my bounced mail back again from their server saying that the return address has a fatal error. Well, we both know that it is just the spammers way of trying to get around my "MailWasher Pro", What I want to know: is there a way of not getting all these mail delivery failed notices, a setting that I don't have working for me or something? Thank you for your great humor newsletter, it's so informative that I can't wait to read the next one. PS. I also enjoy the humor, Joyce Dear Joyce Personally I don't waste time bouncing any more. All the return addresses on spam are forged anyway. You can turn off bouncing in Mailwasher by going to TOOLS, Email Accounts, BOUNCING. Once you turn that off, your mail delivery failed notices should stop You can still turn that on again, if the preview shows a message from your mother-in-law announcing a visit. It's easy enough making filters for known senders and send regular spam to the trash without showing it, and only show in the.preview list what you actually want to preview. Have you played with the filters yet ? Have FUN! DearWebby
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While I was attending a law course, the 'Audi alteram parten' rule was explained to us. Translated it means "To hear the other party." After discussing the subject at great length, the lecturer asked if anyone didn't understand the rule. Responded one man "My Wife."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Save Cotton from Bottle Packaging I am now saving the cotton that is packaged in vitamin and other bottles. These small pieces found at the top of the bottle can be used as cotton balls for removing nail polish or other similar applications. By Theresa from East Kingston, NH http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
After 50 years of wondering why he didn't look like his younger sister or brother, Paul finally got up the nerve to ask his mother if he was adopted. "Yes, you were son," his mother said as she started to cry softly. "but it didn't work out and they brought you back."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Belinda was complaining about her husband spending all his time at the pub, so one night he took her along. "What'll ya have?" he asked. "Oh, I don't know. The same as you I suppose," she replied. So Bob ordered a couple of Jack Daniel's and threw his down in one go. Belinda watched him, then took a sip from her glass and immediately spat it out. "Yuck, that's a nasty poison!" she spluttered. "I don't know how you can drink this stuff!" "Well, there you go," replied the husband. "And you think I'm out enjoying myself every night!"

» Recycled Horseshoes







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When Hotkeys don't work 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Friday, September 23
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

You may have heard bits and pieces about the shopping bag war
between the glib Algorian profiteers and the conventional bag 
industry. 

Because too many people did NOT fall for the BS, the reusable bag 
company known as ChicoBag did what any good environmental 
alarmist would do: they lied. 
When they got too far fetched with their lies, ChicoBag got sued 
and lost,  but not until after some towns in California had been 
"persuaded", (note, I did not quite say "bribed"), into forbidding 
the use of regular disposable shopping bags,
which have a 390 times smaller "Carbon Footprint" than the
dirt and bacteria hoarding and multiplying Chico Bags.

Subscriber Martin sent me a link to a site, that untangles
the Shopping bag mess 

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Don't find fault, find a remedy. --- Henry Ford
A church had a man in the choir who couldn't sing. Several people hinted to him that he could serve in other places, but he continued to come to the choir. The choir director became desperate and went to the pastor. "You've got to get that man out of the choir," he said. "If you don't, I'm going to resign. The choir members are going to quit too. Please do something." So the pastor went to the man and suggested, "Perhaps you should leave the choir." "Why should I get out of the choir?" he asked. "Well, five or six people have told me you can't sing." That's nothing," the man snorted. "Fifty people have told me that you can't preach!"
If you want to make some money on the side,
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Thanks to Anna for this one: My son, Mitchell, a kindergartener, practices spelling with magnetic letters on the refrigerator: "cat," "dog," "dad," and "mom" have been proudly displayed for all to see. One morning while getting ready for the day, Mitchell bounded into the room with his arms outstretched. In his hands were three magnetic letters: G-O-D. "Look what I spelled, Mom!" Mitch exclaimed, a proud smile on his face. "That's wonderful!" I said. "Now go put them on the fridge so Dad can see when he gets home tonight." That Christian education is certainly having an impact, I thought, happily. Just then, a little voice called from the kitchen. "Mom? How do you spell 'zilla?'"
Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Angela DeHart, 23 in Beaver, WV Woman Stole Hearse With Corpse In Back SEPTEMBER 21 The West Virginia woman, 23, is facing a pair of felony charges for stealing a hearse containing a body and driving home in it early yesterday. According to police, the hearse--parked outside the Ritchie and Johnson Funeral Home in Beckley--was swiped shortly after midnight on Tuesday. The driver, cops reported, had briefly left the hearse unattended--with its door open--while he entered the funeral home, presumably to get help with unloading the corpse. The driver, Kenneth Bly, “pulled into the parking lot…in order to unload a corpse” from the 1996 Cadillac Fleetwood hearse, according to a court affidavit. As Bly walked toward the funeral home’s entrance, he spotted DeHart, who “jumped into the vehicle.” Cops noted that, “Bly witnessed the defendant’s actions and yelled ‘Hey!’” DeHart, seen in the above mug shot, then “accelerated from the parking lot.” The hearse was recovered several hours later in the vicinity of DeHart’s home in the nearby borough of Beaver. A witness had called cops to report that a “very emotional” DeHart “had just pulled up to his residence…and that the defendant had been operating a black hearse.” The corpse, which had been laying inside a gurney in the hearse, “had been moved by some means and was laying on its side,” reported Detective Jamie Blume. The deceased was an 85-year-old woman. When officers confronted DeHart early yesterday at her home, she reportedly confessed to stealing the hearse. DeHart, who celebrated her birthday Monday, told investigators that she had engaged in a verbal argument with her wife/girlfriend and exited the vehicle in which they were traveling early Tuesday morning. As she began walking, DeHart said she “observed the hearse running next to the funeral parlor. She admitted that, after taking the car, she drove it to Beaver” and contacted a friend seeking advice as to what she should do with the stolen wheels. Charged with grand larceny and displacement of a dead body, both felonies, DeHart was booked into jail this afternoon. She is being held in lieu of $25,000 bail.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Scotty Re: ALT key does not work Dear Webby... I tried punchin on alt on my keyboard and nuthin' happened. As you can see, I am not a PC whiz Scotty Dear Scotty Try this: Hold down the ALT key, and without letting go, hit one of the keys, that are underlined in top or pull-down menus, for example F. For an easy example, to save a file as a new file do this: ALT (hold down, don't let go) F ( File ) let go of both ALT and F A (save As) type in the new file name ENTER That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Eric said his company sometimes abbreviates the shipping address of their customers to make them fit on the printed labels. However, the Assembly Of God Church aparently was not amused when the label on their box displayed, "Ass Of God Church".
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tent Plants in Plastic Wrap When On Vacation I have many houseplants and I have found an excellent way to keep them from drying out when we go on vacation. Water plants first, then tent smaller house plants with plastic wrap. I have several large potted plants that cannot be tented. I cover the base of the plant at dirt level with the plastic wrap. When I return from vacation, my plants are still happy and don't even need to be watered. This was a remarkable discovery for me. I no longer have to have someone come in during the week to water them. If you want to make sure my tip works, try it on one of your houseplants a few weeks before your vacation. By Jo from Riverside, RI http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
Myrtle was traveling North from Miami on I-95 when she spotted a hitchiker. He was pretty good-looking, so she decided she'd pick him up. They started the usual chit-chat, and she turned on the charm. Things were going well and she thought sure he'd ask her on a date soon, but then somehow he let it slip that he was a convict on the run. "What were you in prison for?" she asked. "I murdered my wife and children," he cooly responded. Without a moment's hesitation, she added hopefully, "oh, so you're single...?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
A Scotsman was visiting a friend in the mountains of Canada. The first morning in the cabin, he awoke and stood by the window admiring the scenery. Suddenly, he noticed a huge animal walk by. "Och, whut's thaaat?" he said. His Canadian friend looked out and said, "Oh, that's a moose." "Och! If thaaat's a moose, hoo big are yore cats aroond here?"

» Forest Wanderer







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Colored backgrounds in email 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Thursday, September 22

Thanks to Verna for this picture:



It is amazing how wacky some people's ideas about Equinox are.
One nutty Flat-Earther even claimed that at Equinox both poles 
see the sun all day. He obviously has never been in the arctic 
or the antarctic, and has been smoking too much of the wrong 
kind of stuff.

Equinox literally means Equal Night. Ignore the sappy drivel
of the bozos, who are trying to tell you that is not so, and that
for the Flat-Earthers it has nothing to do with equal night, 
but where the sun is. 

Yeah, sure, the sun is up there. 
In the temperate zones around that time of year we have 
Equal Night and Day. That is why it has been called
Equi Nox for a few thousand years.
After Equinox the days are shorter than the night in the northern 
hemisphere, and longer than the night in the southern hemisphere.

I spent 30 years in the arctic. Up there, where you have no 
sun at all in midwinter and really appreciate every minute 
more sun, that you get in spring, and dread every minute less
that you get in fall, Equinox is quite important. 
Spring Equinox is a VERY cheerful party time. 

Fall Equinox is not cheerful at all in the arctic. It is time to 
get ready for the long and dark winter, get the firewood,
winter tires, check the tire chains, snow blower, etc.,
tilt the solar panels up, rig the water pump for winter, 
and so on.  And yearn for Spring Equinox.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't. --- Mark Twain
Milkman Notes These notes left for milkmen came from the UK, so you'll notice a slight, endearing British ambience to them. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bread today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice."
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A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it."
Thanks to Guinn for this picture: Click through for the big picture.
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Juan Aguirre, 21, Salina, Kansas Kansas is fighting back! History's Most Pathetic Burglary Of A Sex Shop Kansas used to be the Bonehead state of the US, but lately Florida has been dominating the stage. In a remarkably botched (and embarrassing) burglary, a Kansas man yesterday broke into a sex shop and stole six X-rated movies. Well, actually, Juan Aguirre is accused of pilfering six empty DVD cases. The 21-year-old apparently was unaware that the cases he pinched were for display, and devoid of the corresponding discs. According to the Salina Police Department, Aguirre early yesterday shattered the front door glass at Cirilla’s, causing $500 in damages. During a canvass of the area after the break-in, cops questioned Aguirre, who was spotted riding a bicycle in the vicinity of the sex shop. A search of the suspect’s backpack turned up the DVD cases and a sledgehammer head, that was attached to a rope. In a sad epilogue to the burglary, investigators valued the recovered five DVD cases at less than $5 apiece, according to a Salina Police Department report. Charged with burglary, criminal damage to property, and theft, Aguirre is being held in the Saline County jail in lieu of $6000 bond.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Helen Re: Colored background in email Dear Webby, Asking for your genius once again. Is there an easy way to create emails with a light colored background? Thanks! Helen Dear Helen With Outlook there is no easy way to do that. The default backgrounds are hard "fist on the eye" colors like you see with some spam. It's better if you work with background textures (outlook message window -> format -> background -> picture -> put your own) There are lots of sites on the web where you can get good backgrounds. Have FUN! DearWebby
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A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only comes up chest-high on my little ducklings there!"
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Making Quick Curtains With Sheets When I have a sheet that is too nice to use in dog kennels, I make it into a double sided small window curtain. If you have a smaller window in your home, garage, or office, this idea would be perfect since you don't need a large amount of material. By Sarah from MN http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
A young Jewish mother walks her son to the school bus corner on his first day of kindergarten. "Behave, my bubaleh" she says. "Take good care of yourself and think about your mother, tataleh! And come right back home on the bus, schein kindaleh. Your Mommy loves you a lot, my ketsaleh!" At the end of the school day the bus comes back and she runs to her son and hugs him. "So what did my pupaleh learn on his first day of school?" The boy answers, "I learned my name is David."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
The worried housewife sprang to the telephone when it rang and listened with relief to the kindly voice in her ear. "How are you, darling?" it said. "What kind of a day are you having?" "Oh, mother," said the housewife, breaking into bitter tears, "I've had such a bad day. The baby won't eat and the washing machine broke down. I haven't had a chance to go shopping, and besides, I've just sprained my ankle and I have to hobble around. On top of that, the house is a mess and I'm supposed to have two couples to dinner tonight." The mother was shocked and was at once all sympathy. "Oh, darling," she said, "sit down, relax, and close your eyes. I'll be over in half an hour. I'll do your shopping, clean up the house, and cook your dinner for you. I'll feed the baby and I'll call a repairman I know who'll be at your house to fix the washing machine promptly. Now stop crying. I'll do everything. In fact, I'll even call George at the office and tell him he ought to come home and help out for once." "George?" said the housewife. "Who's George?" "Why, George! Your husband!....Isn't this 223-1374?" "No, this is 223-1375." "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess I have the wrong number." There was a short pause and the housewife said, "Does this mean you're not coming over?"

» Magdeburg Water Bridge







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Disconnect router to stop abuse 



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Good Morning,  !
Today is Wednesday, September 21

Thank you Jim!

Have a look where the sun rises and where it sets today and
in the next two days. Those directions are precisely East 
and West. In case you ever set up a sun dial, you will
need to know those directions. The astronomer's theoretical
equinox is not until the 23rd, but the farmers say it is on 
the 21st, and that after the 21st the nights are longer than 
the days.

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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"No one appreciates the value of constructive criticism more thoroughly than the one who's giving it." --- Hal Chadwick
From Kathy: For our flight to the Far East, my wife and I checked in at the Korean Air counter at Los Angeles International Airport. As the smiling Korean woman processed our tickets, my wife asked, "Are they good seats?" "They are very good seats," the airline worker replied. "You will be sitting next to a handsome gentleman, and your com- panion will be seated beside a beautiful lady."
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A man in a hurry taking his 8-year-old son to school, made a turn at a red light where it was prohibited. "Uh-oh, I just made an illegal turn!" the man said. "Aw, Dad, it's okay" the son said. "The police car right behind us did the same thing."
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Police and the City of South Pasadena, California Fined for good deed SOUTH PASADENA (CBS) — We’ve all heard the saying: no good deed goes unpunished . . . and that’s exactly what happened to a South Pasadena resident who was issued a ticket by police for his charitable act. When a major traffic light in the area went out again Thursday morning, Alan Ehrlich took matters into his own hands, directing traffic at Fair Oaks and Huntington avenues. “I grabbed a bright orange shirt that I have and a couple of orange safety flags. I took it upon myself to help get motorists through that intersection faster,” said Ehrlich. Before Ehrlich stepped in, traffic was backed up for more than a mile and it took more than 30 minutes to get through the busy intersection. Ehrlich said the Sept. 8 incident wasn’t the first and that the light goes out regularly. “It was just kind of chaos of cars . . . there were stop signs up. But people were challenging each other to get through the intersection,” said Richard Gerrish who works at an office located at the intersection. Gerrish said Ehrlich cleared up the mess in 10 minutes. After 15 minutes, South Pasadena police say they finally responded to the scene and told Ehrlich to stop and issued him a ticket, but never stepped into direct traffic themselves. “I don’t know if this ticket is $50 or $400 dollars. It’s a small price to pay for the greater good,” Ehrlich said. South Pasadena Police Chief Joe Payne said he did not have the man power needed to staff officers at Fair Oaks and Huntington Thursday and that is safer to allow traffic to back up. “We have limited resources . . . we need to prioritize them. One of the major intersections out at rush hour in our city should be a priority,” Ehrlich added. He already has plans to address the matter at an upcoming city council meeting. Police and the city of South Pasadena say they currently have no plans to change any procedures.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Disconnect router to stop abuse re WiFi safety: shutting ones computer down will not stop the hijacking of wi-fi you need to shut off the ROUTER or MODEM. If you just shut off your computer your wi-fi still works because your computer is a separate entity to the actual wi-fi network. Dianne Thanks Dianne! Yes, if you use a wireless router and set it up without passwords, then other people within range can indeed use it, and even give you a bad name. If you don't password your network, turn your router or modem off, when you are not using it. Have FUN! DearWebby
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Two caterpillars are sitting on a leaf when a butterfly zooms by, startling them. One turns to the other and says, "Boy, you'll never get ME up in one of those things."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peel Banana from the Bottom Up If you peel a banana from the bottom up instead of from the top down, you won't have those annoying stringy things from the peeling. By ashleybunkin from WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
WASHINGTON (UPI) -- The U.S. Census Bureau marked Unmarried and Single Americans Week by revealing 43.6 percent of U.S. adults over 18 were unmarried in 2010, including those who have been divorced or widowed -- at the time of the census. The figures stated 61 percent of those who were unmarried had never been married while 23.8 percent were divorced and 14.4 percent were widowed. The Census Bureau said there were 88 unmarried U.S. men for every 100 unmarried U.S. women at the time of last year's census. They predict, that playing hard to get is going to go out of fashion in the very near future.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Carolyn for this story: After booking my 80-year-old grandmother on a flight from Florida to Nevada, I called the airline to go over her special needs. The representative listened patiently as I requested a wheelchair and an attendant for my mother because of her arthritis and impaired vision to the point of near blindness. My apprehension lightened a bit when the woman assured me that everything would be taken care of. I thanked her profusely. "Oh, you're welcome," she replied. I was about to hang up when she cheerfully asked, "And will your grandmother need a rental car?"

» Big Ice







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Careful if you have a Smartphone! 



Zoom the font size for best readability   

Good Morning,  !
Today is Tuesday, September 20

From Alexa
another good substitute for a tripod is a wheat bag..you can 
make them as big or small as you want or need and you don't 
have to worry about using "food" inside them or the zip lock 
bag breaking.
If you make an extra cover for your wheat bag you can even 
wash it when the need arises. I make them and use them as 
tripod substitute and as hot and cold packs..way safer than hot 
water bottles in your bed or on your lap.
I just buy budget wheat from the pet food store to use and any 
old cotton material I have lying around
Alexa

Yes, wheat will definitely work!

Have FUN!
DearWebby


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Once the game is over, the King and the pawn go back into the same box. --- Italian Proverb A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won't cross the street to vote in a national election. --- Bill Vaughan Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong. --- Oscar Wilde
An old fellow came into the hospital truly on death's door due to an infected gallbladder. The surgeon who removed the gallbladder was adamant that his patients be up and walking in the hall the day after surgery, to help prevent blood clots forming in the leg veins. The nurses walked the patient in the hall as ordered, and after the third day the nurse told how he complained bitterly each time they did. The surgeon told them to keep walking him. After a week, the patient was ready to go. His family came to pick him up and thanked the surgeon profusely for what he had done for their father. The surgeon was pleased and appreciated the thanks, but told them that it was really a simple operation and he had just been lucky to get him in time. "But doctor, you don't understand," they said, "Dad hasn't walked in over six years!"
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Angus has been at a pub all night drinking. The bartender finally says that the bar is closed. So he stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He figures he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stands up and falls flat on his face. So he crawls home and at the door stands up and falls flat on his face again. He crawls through the door and up the stairs. When he reaches the bed, he tries one more time to stand up. This time he falls right into bed and is sound asleep. He awakens the next morning to his wife standing over him shouting at him. 'So, you've been out drinking again!!' 'How did you know?' he asks. 'The pub called, you left your wheelchair there again.'
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, N.J Extra Sugar Melissa Redmond, 29, of Mine Hill, N.J. was arrested and charged with prostitution after police say she took breaks to provide sex in exchange for money at a local Dunkin Donuts. "She was a night time employee (working 9 p.m. to 5 a.m.), supposedly a very good one," Detective Sgt. Kyle Schwarzmann, who led the team of 16 investigators, said Police say the worker had a system of servicing men during her overnight shift at the restaurant. It took a SIX month investigation, surveillance involving various officers and a sting operation, but eventually they got her, arrested her and hauled her off in handcuffs. There was never any sex at Dunkin Donutes, but there may have been some in the parking lot or a short drive away from there. It took a lot of time and a lot of officers, but New Jersey's biggest criminal is not selling donuts any more! Night time sales of donuts have increased drastically since the news of the big bust.
From the Tech Support Pits: From: Dianne Re: Smartphone pictures pose security risk Smartphone pictures pose security risk Dianne Thanks Dianne! Smartphone users should watch that and adjust their settings accordingly! Have FUN! DearWebby
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During a county-wide drive to round up all unlicensed dogs, a patrolman signalled a car to pull over to the curb. When the driver asked why he had been stopped, the officer pointed to the big dog sitting on the seat beside him. "Does your dog have a license?" he asked. "Oh, no," the man said, "He doesn't need one. He's half blind so I always do the driving these days."
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Peel Banana from the Bottom Up If you peel a banana from the bottom up instead of from the top down, you won't have those annoying stringy things from the peeling. By ashleybunkin from WV http://www.thriftyfun.com/ Check out ThriftyFun's Blog at http://www.myfrugallife.com Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here:ThriftyFun Highly recommended! If you like the ThriftyFun.com list, you can vote for it here:
When I lived in a dorm, one of the favorite intramural sports was water fights. Dousing and bombarding one another with water from squirt guns, glasses, balloons, even wastebaskets. Since each room had a sink, there was endless ammunition. The most frequent target was the Resident Assistant. Approaching his room one afternoon, he noticed his door was ajar. Looking up, he saw a pail of water balanced on the door's edge, ready to fall on him. As he took down the pail and emptied it into his sink, he thought, "Those crazy guys actually thought they could fool me with that old gag!" It was then he realized we'd loosened the drainpipe beneath the sink and turned the first "U" part so that it was aimed at his crotch.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request.
Summer break was over and the teacher was asking the class about their vacations. She turned to little Johnny and asked what he had done. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota," he said. "That sounds like an excellent vocabulary word," the teacher said, "Can you tell the class how you spell that?" Little Johnny thought about it and said, "Come to think of it, we went to visit an aunt Ohio, O, H, I, O."

» Lost in America







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You Know It's Time to Diet When... 

- You dance and it makes the band skip.

- You are diagnosed with the flesh eating virus, and the doctor gives you 22 more years to live.

- You put mayonnaise on an aspirin.

- You go to the zoo and the elephants throw you peanuts.

- Your driver's license says, "Picture continued on other side."

- You ran away and they had to use all four sides of the milk carton   for your picture.

- You learn you were born with a silver shovel in your mouth.

- You could sell shade.

- Your blood type is Ragu.

- You need an appointment to attend an 'open house'.




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