Instant Start screen saver
Monday, October 14, 2013, 11:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 14.
Thanksgiving Day in Canada.
Because Hagar the Horrible's great-grandfather discovered
Canada 550 years before Columbus discovered the Caribbean,
our Thanksgiving Day is earlier than the one in the USA.
It is celebrated the same way, though. Turkeys and pumpkins
are sacrificed, and leftovers are distributed to less
fortunate neighbors, so that the kids don't whine about
five days of leftovers.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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All truths are easy to understand once they are discovered;
the point is to discover them.
--- Galileo Galilei
Women want mediocre men, and men are working hard to
become as mediocre as possible.
--- Margaret Mead
A man and his wife are driving on the highway when a
state policeman appeared in their mirror, obviously
wanting them to pull over. The man pulls over, the
officer approaches the car and the following scene
ensues:
State cop: "License and registration please."
Man: "I'm sorry officer, what seems to be the problem?"
State cop: "I clocked you on radar doing 75mph."
Man: "There must be some mistake, I was only going 65."
Wife: "Oh Harold, you were going at least 80!"
State cop: "I'm also citing you for having a tail light out."
Man: "But officer, I wasn't aware it was out."
Wife: "Oh Harold, you know it's been out for two months."
State Cop: "I'm also fining you for not wearing your
seat belt."
Man: "But officer, I just took it off as you were a
pproaching my car."
Wife: "Oh Harold, you know you never wear your seat belt."
Man: "Will you just shut your mouth, Betty?!"
State Cop: "Ma'am, does he always talk to you this way?
Wife: "Only when he's drunk."
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After years of his wife's pleading, this rich good ole'
boy finally goes with her to her little local Church on
Sunday morning. He was so moved by the preacher's sermon
that on the way out he stopped to shake his hand.
He said, "Reverend, that was the best damn sermon I ever
did hear!"
The Preacher replied, "Oh!! Why, thank you sir, but
please, I'd appreciate it if you didn't use profanity
in the Lord's house."
The man said, "I'm sorry Reverend, but I can't help
myself, it was such a damn good sermon!"
The Reverend said, "Sir, PLEASE, I cannot have you
behaving this way in Church!"
The man said, "Okay Reverend, but I just wanted you to
know that i thought it was so damn good, I put $5000 in
that there collection plate."
And the Reverend said, "No Shit? That was damn
nice of you, Sir!"
Thanks to Dianne for sending this picture by KDB:
Click on the picture for the large version
Burning Bush
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder: 
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Newlywed in Germany
German groom forgets bride
at gas station
Reported by Mainichi
BERLIN (AP) ^-- A German couple's marriage got off to a
rocky start when the groom forgot his bride at a highway
gas station on the way home from their honeymoon, only
noticing she was missing after hours had passed.
Police said Friday the couple was heading home to Berlin
from France when the man pulled over near the central town
of Bad Hersfeld late Thursday to fill up their van.
The woman had been sleeping in the back but got up --
unbeknownst to the man -- to use the toilets and he drove
off before she returned.
Only after 2.5 hours on the road did he notice she was
gone and called police, who said she was patiently
waiting.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ricky
Re: Instant Start Screensaver
Dear Webby
Wanted to ask you a questions.
Is there a hotkey, or combination of keys I can hit real
quick that will start my screensaver? I seem to remember
being able to do that on the old mac that I used in
elementary, now I am on Windows.
Thanks, Ricky
Dear Ricky
Most of your screensavers are in directories, that are
hidden by default. First you have to UN-hide them.
In the File Explorer (Right-click START, click EXPLORE)
click on TOOLS
FOLDER OPTIONS
VIEW
In there tell it to SHOW hidden files, folders and drives,
and take away the checkmark from HIDE EXTENSIONS from...
That last one is totally insane, and nobody has ever figured
out why that is still the default, after people have bitched
about it for about 20 years.
You NEED to know what kind of files you are dealing with!
OK, once you have civilized things, do a Search for
*.SCR
files. That's the screensavers.
Since they are not in the default search path, that might
take a while.
When the Search shows you a list of them, gently right-click
one, and select "Open File Location"
Usually that is a System directory like System32
In there, highlight one of the SCR files, right-click it,
and make a shortcut to it.
Drag that shortcut out onto the desktop.
Now, whenever you click that shortcut, your screen saver
will start instantly, and hides whatever you were doing.
You can configure the screen saver so that it requires a
password to go away.
To do it that way, you need the longwinded procedure
to set it up:
Right-click your desktop, and then click Properties.
In the Display Properties dialog box, click the
Screen Saver tab.
Click the Screen saver drop-down box, and then click a
screen saver.
Click the Preview button to see how the screen saver will
appear on your monitor.
Move your mouse or press a key to return to the Display
Properties dialog box.
Click the Settings button to change the standard behavior
of the screen saver you selected. (Each screen saver has
its own settings dialog box.) Then, click OK.
In the Wait box, type the number of minutes the computer
should wait to start the screen saver after you last
touched the keyboard or mouse.
If you are the only person who uses your computer and you
are not concerned about security, clear the On resume,
display Welcome Screen check box. Otherwise, leave this
check box selected. Welcome Screen is the password prompt.
if you don't want anybody to be able to snoop, while you
are getting coffee, leave that checkbox checked.
Click OK. That's it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Foam Pipe Insulation for
Organizing Wires
Foam pipe insulators are excellent for organizing loose wires.
They come already slit, so the wires can be slipped right
into them. They can be easily cut to any length and they
come in either black or white.
By Barb
Careful there!
Don't let any electrical or building or insurance inspector
see that! They will pitch a temper tantrum!
Electrical wires are rated for free air or conduit,
and depend on radiating heat to keep from melting the
insulation. Using short pieces of foam no longer than 2"
is OK, but they have very little strength when they are
that short.
You can definitely use foam sleeves temporarily to sort out
a mess, and then spiral colored electrical tape around the
wires. You can get electrical tape in six prime colors,
including writable white. Using one or two colors gives
you 42 variations, which should be plenty for any home.
(6 single colors plus 36 2 color combos)
Use long, 1 turn per foot, or longer, spirals.
The white electrical tape takes writing from Sharpies
and even ball point pens.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two husbands were discussing their married lives. Although
happily married, they admitted that there were arguments
sometimes. Then Chad said, "I've made one great discovery.
I now know how to always have the last word."
"Wow!" said Sherm, "how did you manage that?"
"It's easy," replied Chad.
"My last word is always 'Yes, Dear.' "
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The following list of phrases and their definitions might
help you understand the mysterious language of science.
These special phrases are also applicable to anyone
reading a grant application or article by grant appicants
pretending to be scientists:
"IT HAS LONG BEEN KNOWN"... I didn't look up the original
reference.
"A DEFINITE TREND IS EVIDENT"... These data are practically
meaningless.
"WHILE IT HAS NOT BEEN POSSIBLE TO PROVIDE DEFINITE
ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS"... An unsuccessful experiment,
but I still hope to get it published.
"THREE OF THE SAMPLES WERE CHOSEN FOR DETAILED
STUDY"... The other results didn't fit my theory.
"TYPICAL RESULTS ARE SHOWN"... This is the prettiest graph.
"THESE RESULTS WILL BE IN A SUBSEQUENT REPORT"...
I might get around to this sometime, if funded.
"IN MY EXPERIENCE"... Once
"IN CASE AFTER CASE"... Twice
"IN A SERIES OF CASES"... Thrice
"IT IS BELIEVED THAT"... It sounds good.
"IT IS GENERALLY BELIEVED THAT"... My buddy thinks so, too.
"CORRECT WITHIN AN ORDER OF MAGNITUDE"... Wrong.
"ACCORD1NG TO STATISTICAL ANALYSIS"... Rumor has it.
"A STATISTICALLY-ORIENTED PROJECTION OF THE
SIGNIFICANCE OF THESE FINDINGS"... A wild guess.
"A CAREFUL ANALYSIS OF OBTAINABLE DATA"...
Three pages of notes were obliterated when I
knocked over my beer.
"IT IS CLEAR THAT MUCH ADDITIONAL WORK WILL BE
REQUIRED BEFORE A COMPLETE UNDERSTANDING
OF THIS PHENOMENON OCCURS"... I don't understand it
"AFTER ADDITIONAL STUDY BY MY COLLEAGUES"...
They don't understand it either.
"THANKS ARE DUE TO JOE BLOTZ FOR ASSISTANCE
WITH THE EXPERIMENT AND TO CINDY ADAMS FOR
VALUABLE DISCUSSIONS"
... Mr. Blotz did the work and Ms. Adams explained
to me what it meant.
"A HIGHLY SIGNIFICANT AREA FOR EXPLORATORY
STUDY"... A totally useless topic selected by my
committee.
"IT IS HOPED THAT THIS STUDY WILL STIMULATE
FURTHER INVESTIGATION IN THIS FIELD"... I quit.
Today, Oct 14, in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
England.
1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D. Husbands
for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile.
1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached agreement
for the international marketing rights for the phonograph.
1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in
Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest not serious
and he continued with his planned speech. William Schrenk
was captured at the scene of the shooting.
1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane
speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-hour.
1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made debut.
1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from
the League of Nations.
1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide
rather than face execution after being accused of conspiring
against Adolf Hitler and the execution that would follow.
1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute Brigade
liberated the city of Athens.
1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot Chuck
Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the first
American to break the sound barrier.
1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring Charlton
Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a cast of
25,000 people.
1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first
suggested the idea of a Peace Corps.
1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began when U.S. reconnaissance
aircrafts photographed Soviet construction of intermediate-
range missile sites in Cuba.
1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial prejudice in
America. He was the youngest person to receive the award.
1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7.
1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the
death of President Nasser.
1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the U.S.
wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with the
arms race in space.
1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned
well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours.
2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and Protestant
politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed sole
responsibility for running Northern Ireland.
2013 smiled
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Sunday, October 13, 2013, 09:30 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, October 13.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Those who dream by day are cognizant of many things
which escape those who dream only by night.
--- Edgar Allan Poe (1809 - 1849)
"So, what's the matter? I thought you just got back from a
nice relaxing fishing trip with your husband."
"Oh, everything went wrong: First he said I talked so loud
I would scare the fish. Then he said I was using the wrong
bait; and then that I was reeling in too soon.
"All that might have been all right; but then, to make
matters worse, I ended up catching twelve fish, while
he didn't catch any!"
Need to lose some weight before the reuinion,
or to get into smaller clothes?
Fat Loss Factor will do the trick easily and
quickly, without silly diets or a lot of exercise.
No need to buy pills and snake-oils, just methods and
three 15 minute easy exercises per week.
Money Back Guaranteed Results.
From a church bulletin: A family-type film, suitable for
both children and parents, will be shown at the Sunday
evening service at 6:00 p.m. Free puppies will be given to
all children not accompanied by a parent.
Thanks to NanaRina for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
La Crystal King-Woolfork, 28, Vero Beach, Floriduh
Jailed for Stabbing Boyfriend In Eye After
He Refused To Have Threesome With Her
Reported by The Weekly Vice
La Crystal King-Woolfork, a 28-year-old Florida woman, has
been jailed after she allegedly stabbed her boyfriend in
the eye with a knife after he turned down her request for
a threesome.
According to the Indian River Sheriff's Office, a deputy
was dispatched to Indian River Medical Center after a man
with a stab wound to the eye arrived to the ER for treatment.
The arriving deputy interviewed the victim, who stated that
his girlfriend stabbed him in the eye after he refused to
have sex with her.
He went on to say that he was at home sleeping at around
4 a.m. that morning when his girlfriend, King-Woolfork,
arrived home drunk and horny for sex. When he told
King-Woolfork that he wasn't interested in having sex that
night, she became angry and stabbed him in the eye with
a knife.
The victim reportedly wrestled the knife away from
King-Woolfork, hid the knife so she couldn't find it, and
then asked a neighbor to give him a ride to the hospital.
Deputies also interviewed King-Woolfork who stated that
she and a female friend were at the Shake Your Booty dance
club that evening before returning home at around 4 a.m..
King-Woolfork went on to say that she and the female friend
were having sex next to the victim when she asked him to
join in. When the boyfriend refused to join, the female
friend reportedly left the bed. That's when King-Woolfork
reportedly picked up the knife and a struggle ensued between
them.
King-Woolfork denied stabbing the victim with the knife,
but admitted to striking the victim several times in the
face with a metal candle holder.
Arguing the details about how the victim got stabbed in
the eye didn't matter much to deputies who took King-Woolfork
into custody and recovered the knife.
King-Woolfork was booked into the Indian River County Jail
and charged with attempted murder. Bail has not yet been
established in the case.
Tech Support Pits
From: Marjorie
Re: SBCGLOBAL mail problem
Dear Webby
Each morning I look forward to reading your paper, this
morning it didn't arrive, I hope you can send me todays
issue. Thanks, Marjorie on sbcglobal.net
Dear Marjorie
Just a routine Yahoo malfunction.
Once your newsletters, both regular and large font, have
entered the Yahoo server, there is nothing more that I
can do about them.
SBCGLOBAL is just a paid version of Yahoo, plus connection.
Like the free version of Yahoo, you are subject to their
routine malfunctions.
Complaining to their support is usually a waste of time.
I would recommend, that you get yourself a Gmail address
on the side and gradually shift important stuff like phone
and electricity invoices, and of course the newsletters,
over to Gmail.
With Gmail you can benefit from their excellent filtering
and easy filter making, AND then forward the filtered mail
to wherever you want, even your Yahoo/SBCGLOBAL mail.
That way you can use whatever email program you currently
use for sorting and filing, and still have Gmail as an
archive to fall back on.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Removing a Nail That Has Lost Its Head
When the nail head breaks off a nail, it can be tough to
get the claw of the hammer to grip the nail. To remove the
nail, slip the claw of the hammer over the remainder of the
nail and then pull the nail out by moving the hammer sideways
instead of straight out.
By ThriftyFun
A Stanley or Eastwing nail puller is usually around $10.
The gripping ends are razor sharp and harder than a
claw hammer.
If the wood is fine furniture, make it wet around the nail.
That softens it, and you can tap the colored end (Blue on
a Stanley) so that it depresses the wood and grips the nail.
It will plow a groove into even a hardened spiral nail.
Once you have a grip, slide a steel putty knife under the
curve, and with the awesome leverage of the nail puller,
easily pull it out.
Wetting the wood and using a
putty knife is of course just
for fine furniture, not for the
chicken coop or the kid's
tree house.
Click through the pictrue
for larger size.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
>From Rhonda
When I was working as a clerk at a sporting-goods store, a
woman came up to my register with a package of white athletic
socks. "Will you open this so I can see how the socks feel?"
she asked.
Reluctantly I tore open the package, and she scrutinized the
merchandise. She handed me the package, saying,
"I'll take them."
Relieved, I started to ring her up, until she interrupted me.
"Can I have another pack? This one's been opened."
I told her: "I'll go talk to the manager", locked the till, took
the opened package and dropped it back on the shelf on
my way to a nap in the back of the warehouse.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Dave
I work in a school department that is supported by educational grants.
On his first day, my new boss delivered some bad news. He said,
"Unfortunately, your last boss failed to apply for the grant that
supports your work. You will be terminated at the end of this month. Did
you know that?" Admittedly, I was unprepared for this, but I was not
shocked.
A week before the end of my tenure, the new boss came to me. He said,
"Before you go, please submit the lesson plans you would have used for
the next six months."
I said, "Oh, I'm sorry -- those lesson plans would have been covered
by the grant. Didn't you know that?"
Today, Oct 13, in
54 The Roman emperor Claudius I died after being poisoned by
his wife, Agrippina.
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet.
1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building was torched by the Cnucks in
1812, was whitewashed in 1818 and became known as the
White House.
1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of
Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended
any further U.S. invasion of Canada.
1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by
Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY.
1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution.
1943 During World War II, Italy changed sides, signed an
armistice with the Allies and declared war on Germany.
1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during WWII.
1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units
landed at Piraeus.
1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel Bagno.
1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford Edsel
on an hour long special.
1977 Four Palestinians hijacked a Lufthansa airliner to Somalia.
They demanded the release of members of the Red Army Faction.
1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak as
the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was assassinated.
1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an overthrow
of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega.
1990 Le Duc Tho died at the age of 79. He was a co-founder
of the Vietnamese Communist Party.
1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours.
1995 Walt Disney World Resort admitted its 500-millionth guest.
1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT).
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped underground
in the San José Mine. The miners were rescued after 69 days
underground.
2013 smiled
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How to completely clean Norton off a machine:
Saturday, October 12, 2013, 01:53 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, October 12.
We got 4 inches of snow overnight. Not much, compared
to other areas, that got a couple of feet. Half of that
melted by evening. We are most definitely out of the
Warming ripple and into the Cooling ripple, even in
some areas, where the peeple firmly believed
Al Gore and his Gullible Warming con job.
Don't worry, he is already working on an Ice Age Scare
movie, and has hired a whole bunch of Jewish Mother-in-Laws
to advise him on how to make you feel guilty. That's big
business, ya know!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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The only people with whom you should try to get even
are those who have helped you.
--- John E. Southard
Although this married couple enjoyed their new fishing boat together, it was the husband who was behind the wheel
operating the boat. He was concerned about what might happen
in an emergency. So one day out on the lake he said to his
wife, "Please take the wheel, dear. Pretend that I am having
a heart attack. You must get the boat safely to shore and
dock it."
So she drove the boat to shore and slammed it against the
dock.
Later that evening, the wife walked into the living room
where her husband was watching television. She sat down
next to him, switched the TV channel, and said to him,
"Please go into the kitchen, dear. Pretend I'm having
a heart attack. Set the table, cook dinner and do the
dishes."
Stink Bug Control!
(This is NOT about the Government!)
In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet.
So far they are only in the lower 48 states,
and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have
started to show up in your area, get this book!
The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate!
Get StinkBug Control now!
From Manure to S.H.I.T.
Manure: In the 15th and 16th centuries, everything had to
be transported by ship and it was also before commercial
fertilizer's invention, so large shipments of manure were
common.
It was shipped dry, because in dry form it weighed a lot
less than when wet, but once water (at sea) hit it, it
not only became heavier, but the process of fermentation
began again, of which a by product is methane gas. As the
stuff was stored below decks in bundles you can see what
could (and did) happen.
Methane began to build up below decks and the first time
someone came below at night with a lantern, BOOOOM!
Several ships were destroyed in this manner before it was
determined just what was happening
After that, the bundles of manure were always stamped with
the term "Ship High In Transit" on them, which meant for
the sailors to stow it high enough off the lower decks so
that any water that came into the hold would not touch this
volatile cargo and start the production of methane.
Thus evolved the term "S.H.I.T " , (Ship High In Transport)
which has come down through the centuries and is in use to
this very day.
I didn't know the origins of this word, did you??
I had always thought it was a golf term.
Click on the picture for the large version
By evening half of the snow had melted, but still looked
pretty.
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Steve Orville Clemons, 69, Wildwood, Floriduh
Pantless Driver Jailed After
Masturbating In McDonald's Drive Thru
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Steve Orville Clemons, a 69-year-old Florida man, was jailed
late last month after he allegedly masturbated in a McDonald's
drive-thru while attempting to force the cashier to touch
him.
According to police, Clemons was picking up an order at a
McDonalds drive-thru in Wildwood late last month when the
drive-thru cashier who was assisting him saw that he had
no pants on and was masturbating inside his car.
Investigators say the cashier had turned to hand Clemons
his change when he suddenly grabbed her hand and attempted
to pull it into his vehicle.
The employee immediately yanked her hand away, closed the
window and called 911.
Officers searched the area and located Clemons at a nearby
gas station. When officers approached the vehicle,
Clemens was still seated in his vehicle without any pants -
although he did manage to find a t-shirt which was placed
on his lap.
Clemons was booked into the Sumpter County Jail and charged
with battery. He was released a short time later after
posting $500 bail.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jan
Re: Getting rid of Norton
Dear Webby
Me again,if i just go to uninstall and let it uninstall
what it does of Norton since you say it doesn't all get
out and install McAfee will I and my computer
be ok????????
Jan
Dear Jan
Go to http://webby.com/tools
Hit CTRL F to find
type Norton
and the browser will highlight a program called
Remove Norton
Use that to completely remove Norton.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Bathroom Mirror for Morning Reminders
I would occasionally leave the house in the mornings,
forgetting to put my refrigerated lunch in my bag. To
remember something for the next day (keys, documents, etc.),
I use an old/stale lipstick to write a one-word reminder
on my bathroom or vanity mirror. While putting on my makeup,
it jogs my memory, and I see to it as soon as I'm done
doing my makeup and hair.
If you prepare a hot breakfast in the mornings, this tip
can also remind you to make sure the stove is off before
you leave the house. You can also tape a reminder note on
your door knob, so that you will see it as you open your
door to leave. Having the reminder on the door knob is
especially good for keys.
By Lily
I read that most Dry-Erase markers also work well on mirrors
and are easier to clean off than lipstick.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A honeymoon couple is in the Watergate Hotel in Washington.
The bride is concerned "What if the place is still bugged?"
The groom says, "I'll look for a bug." He looks behind the
drapes, behind the pictures, under the rug
"AHA!"
Under the rug was a disc with four screws. He gets his
Swiss army knife, unscrews the screws, throws them and
the disc out the window.
The next morning, the hotel manager asks the newlyweds
"How was your room? How was the service? How was your
stay at the Watergate Hotel?"
The groom says, "Why are you asking me all of these
questions?"
The hotel manager says, "Well, the room under you
complained about the chandelier falling on them!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
During the big DUI Dragnet, a Highway Patrolman waited
outside a popular local bar, hoping for a bust.
At closing time as everyone came out, he spotted his
potential quarry. The man was so obviously inebriated that
he could barely walk. He stumbled around the parking lot
for a few minutes, looking for his car. After trying his
keys on five others, he finally found his own vehicle.
He sat in the car a good ten minutes as the other patrons
left. He turned his lights on, then off, wipers on then off.
He started to pull forward into the grass, then stopped.
Finally when he was the last car, he pulled out onto the
road and started to drive away.
The Patrolman, waiting for this, turned on his lights and
pulled the man over. He administered the breathalizer
test, and to his great surprise the man blew a 0.00!
The Patrolman was dumbfounded!
"This equipment must be broken!" exclaimed the Patrolman.
"I doubt it," said the apparent drunk, "I am stone cold sober.
I'm the Designated Decoy!"
Today, Oct 12, in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean
route to India. The same day he claimed the land for
Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain.
1792 The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus
was dedicated in Baltimore, MD.
1810 Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess Therese
of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the public
to attend the event which became an annual celebration
that later became known as Oktoberfest.
1860 Inventor Elmer Sperry was born on this day. He held
patents on more than 400 inventions. The most important
being the Sperry Automatic Pilot.
1892 In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the Columbus
landing the original version of the Pledge of Allegiance
was first recited in public schools.
1920 Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened
on November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ
and New York City, NY.
1933 John Dillinger, bank robber, escaped from a jail
in Allen County, OH. The sheriff was killed by his gang
as they helped Dillinger escape.
1933 The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz
Island from the U.S. Army.
1960 Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on
his desk during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly.
1964 The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit around
the Earth. It was the first space flight to have a
multi-person crew and the first flight to be performed
without space suits.
1972 During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out
aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50
sailors were injured.
1976 China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to succeed
the late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist Party.
1984 An attempt on British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher's
life was unsuccessful, but did take the lives of five
people. The bomb had been planted by the I.R.A.
1988 Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand Corp.
would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the Pentagon
for overbilling airplane parts over a five-year period.
1989 The U.S. House of Representatives approved a statutory
federal ban on the destruction of the American flag.
1994 Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted
political asylum by Panama.
1994 The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission
to Venus for the purpose of mapping.
1997 The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower
above Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3
earthquakes.
1998 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online
Copyright Bill.
1999 In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a
bloodless coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.
The Supreme Court ruled that the coup was legal but
insisted that a civilian government be restored within
three years.
2000 In Aden, Yemen, the USS Cole, a U.S. Navy mine sweeper,
experienced a large explosion while refueling. The explosion
was the result of a terrorist attack using a small boat. 17
crewmembers were killed and at least 39 were injured.
2000 In Denver, CO, the U.S. District Court denied Timothy
McVeigh's request for a new trial.
2001 A car bomb exploded in Madrid, Spain, that injured
17 people. Basque separatists claimed responsibility.
2002 In Bali, Indonesia, over 180 people were killed and
over 300 were injured when a bomb was detonated in a
nightclub district.
2013 smiled
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Norton 360 vs McAfee Total Protection
Friday, October 11, 2013, 09:38 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, October 11.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
The picture today is from yesterday, when it was clear and
cold. I saw those colors during my walk from a bit more than
a quarter mile away, up on the high prairie. (Black Diamond
is in a sheltered valley.)
I saw the sun setting, with the shadow of the mountains
creeping up to those colorful bushes.
So I hotfooted it up there, pant, pant, and so was Copper,
the dog. I beat the shadow, just barely. You see my feet
already in the shadow. It sure heated me up, but I think
it was worth it.
Tonight it was still cold and windy, but with horizontal
rain that soaked my pants. And right now it is snowing.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The only people with whom you should try to get even
are those who have helped you.
--- John E. Southard
>From Benster
Life just gets better as you get older doesn't it. I was in
a Starbucks Coffee recently when my stomach started
rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to f@rt.
The place was packed but the music was really loud so to
get relief and reduce embarrassment I timed my farts to the
beat of the music. After a couple of songs I started to
feel much better. I finished my coffee and noticed that
everyone was staring at me. I suddenly remembered that I
was listening to my Ipod.
This is what happens when old people start using technology.
Stink Bug Control!
(This is NOT about the Government!)
In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet.
So far they are only in the lower 48 states,
and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have
started to show up in your area, get this book!
The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate!
Get StinkBug Control now!
>From Roland
General Baldwin had barely arrived in the forward area when
a sniper's bullet removed a button from his shirt. He threw
himself to the ground in terror. The men stood around with
the greatest unconcern.
The general yelled at a passing sergeant. "Hey, isn't
somebody going to kill that darned sniper?"
The sergeant looked down at the general and replied: "I
guess not, general. We're scared that if we kill him, the
enemy will replace him with somebody
who knows how to shoot."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Kendrick Ruth, 35, Long beach, California
Jailed After Punching Female Cashier In
Face Because He Didn't Have Enough Money
for $1.41 Cigar
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Kendrick Ruth, a 35-year-old California man, was jailed
Wednesday after he allegedly punched a female gas station
cashier in the face because he didn't have enough change
for a cigar.
According to the Los Angeles County Sheriff's Office, a man
hunt for Ruth was initiated last month after he punched a
female cashier in the face after he tried to purchase a $1.41
Swisher Sweet cigar with a single dollar bill that he had
in his pocket.
Investigators say Ruth punched 23-year-old Yadira Lara
directly between the eyes with a closed fist. Ruth then
fled the scene with the cigar and remained on the loose
until he was identified and tracked down by deputies
last Wednesday.
The victim reportedly sustained serious injury to her
left eye and has been told that the damage is permanent
and may lead to blindness in that eye.
Ruth was booked into jail and charged with robbery and
assault. His bail has been set at $100,000, well above
the cost of a cigar.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jan
Re: Norton vs McAfee
Dear Webby
Ok, Thank you for your reply..........now what is the
difference between Norton 360 and McAfee since you
favor McAfee?????
Jan
Dear Jan
Norton used to be very good until the Norton Ads in 1998 and
1999 claimed that it took Norton to make Windows complete.
That irked somebody at Microsoft, and with all versions
since then, Norton just does not work very well.
Also, Norton habitually marks a spot on the hard drive as
bad, and hides expiry date and all kinds of stuff there.
Marking a perfectly good prime spot on the hard drive as
bad, THAT IRKS ME!
In addition to that, Norton has a reputation for having a
lot of hidden files and being very difficult to remove,
all in addition to not catching really nasty malware.
Norton is definitely not at the top any more, like it was
until about 1999.
The top nowadays is McAfee and Kasperski. They are about
equal. I use McAfee, because I have used it since the mid
80's, and see no urgent reason to switch.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Pudding as Edible Finger Paint
If you've got a toddler like mine who likes to put everything
in his mouth, just mix some food coloring in vanilla pudding,
and let your toddler play! If they put their fingers in their
mouth, then there's no harm done. Enjoy!
By Kenzie H
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees
about an urgent problem with one of the main computers. He
dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted
with a child's whispered, "Hello?"
Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a
youngster, the boss asked, "Is your daddy home?"
"Yes," whispered the small voice.
"May I talk with him?" the man asked.
To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, "No."
Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your
Mommy there?"
"Yes," came the answer.
"May I talk with her?"
Again the small voice whispered, "No."
Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be
left home alone, the boss decided he would just leave a
message with the person who should be there watching
over the child. "Is there any one there besides you?"
the boss asked the child.
"Yes," whispered the child, "A policeman."
Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's
home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"
"No, he's busy," whispered the child.
"Busy doing what?" asked the boss.
"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the fireman," came
the whispered answer.
Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what
sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the
phone, the boss asked, "What is that noise?"
"A hello-copper," answered the whispering voice.
"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.
In an awed, whispering voice, the child answered,
"The search team just landed the hello-copper."
Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated,
the boss asked, "Why are they there?"
Still whispering, the young voice replied with a muffled giggle,
"They're looking for me."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Tammy is having a bad day at the roulette tables in 'Vegas.
She's down to her last $50. Exasperated, she exclaims,
"What rotten luck! What in the world should I do now?"
A man standing next to Tammy, trying to calm her down,
suggests, "I don't know... why don't you play your age?"
He walks away. Moments later, his attention is grabbed by a great
commotion at the roulette table. Thinking Maybe she'd won, he
rushes back to the table and pushes his way through the crowd.
Tammy is lying limp on the floor, with the table operator
kneeling over her.
The man is stunned. He asks, "What happened? Is she all right?"
The operator replies, "I don't know. She put all her money on 29,
and 36 came up. Then she just fainted!"
Today, Oct 11, in
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
on Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under
Gen. Benedict Arnold suffered heavy losses.
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was
put into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The
ferry went between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ.
1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first invention.
The electric machine was used for counting votes for the
U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it.
1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras.
1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State.
1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states.
1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly.
1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit.
1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went
out of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant
Pond, ME, were switched to direct-dial service.
1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard Challenger.
1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National Palace.
1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.
1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional.
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Thursday, October 10, 2013, 10:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 9
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
With or without religion, you would have good people doing
good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good
people to do evil things, that takes religion.
--- Steven Weinberg (1933 - ),
The personnel office received an email requesting a listing
of the department staff broken down by age and sex. The
personnel office sent this reply:
"Attached is a list of our staff. We currently have no one
broken down by age or sex. However, we have a few alcoholics."
Stink Bug Control!
(This is NOT about the Government!)
In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet.
So far they are only in the lower 48 states,
and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have
started to show up in your area, get this book!
The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate!
Get StinkBug Control now!
A man was just falling off to sleep when his wife nudged him
and said the telephone was ringing. "At this hour it's probably
for you," she said, closing her eyes. The phone by their bed was
not working, so the man rolled out of bed and trundled downstairs.
When he returned, his wife was asleep. He woke her and said,
"It wasn't for me, after all." He waited as she drug herself
out of bed, pulled on her robe and headed for the stairs.
Then he added, "It was a wrong number."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Rogelio Andaverde, 34, Edinburg, Texas
Faked His Own Kidnapping To Party,
Because He Was Afraid Of His Wife
Reported by Sailor
Last week, Rogelio Andaverde let it be known that he'd rather
be kidnapped at gunpoint than tell his wife he wanted to go
out partying.
The 34-year-old Edinburg, Texas man allegedly staged his
own kidnapping last Tuesday. At about 10:30 p.m. he had his
buddies -- wearing masks and toting guns -- break into his
home while his wife was there and take him at gunpoint,
police tell the San Antonio Express-News.
The frantic woman called authorities, who fanned out across
the neighborhood to look for Andaverde, Fox News reports.
Police grew suspicious when they couldn't find any leads,
and even more-so when Andaverde turned up.
He reportedly told his wife that his kidnappers showed mercy
and set him free. But later he allegedly confessed that he
lied about the kidnapping so he could go out on the town
with his buddies.
He also reportedly said he was afraid of his wife.
"We have people file false reports all the time, and we
put them in jail for it," Hidalgo County Sheriff Guadalupe
Treviño told The Monitor. "But I've never had someone do
it just to get out of the house."
Andaverde was charged with making a false report, and
deputies are looking for his friends -- the bogus
kidnappers -- for questioning. Fake or not, it was a
kidnapping and involved guns. They go to jail too.
Tech Support Pits
From: Noella
Re: Free Anti-Virus
For the person who wanted good free virus protection:
I've used Microsoft Security Essentials for several years
with no problems. I also use CrapCleaner (run every day),
Malwarebytes and Spybot Search and Destroy (run both at
least once a week) along with it.
So far, they have worked well for me.
Noella
Dear Noella
Keep in mind,
A) if Microsoft Security Essentials was good enough
to sell, Microsoft surely wood, and
B) Because a huge number of people use it, it is a favorite
target for hackers.
Running CrapCleaner, Malwarebytes and Spybot Search and
Destroy daily is definitely a good idea if you rely on
Microsoft Security Essentials, so is Defensive Computing,
just like defensive riding is a good idea when riding a
bike in hostile traffic.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
A Fix for Loose Dresser Knobs
For loose dresser knobs that will not remain tightened,
you might consider bow or ribbon ties. This will work best
in children's rooms, bedrooms and bathrooms, since the look
is rather feminine. I was so frustrated with my bedroom
chest of drawers that I took out the hardware and threaded
pretty ribbons through the holes. I made bows, and now,
whenever I open a drawer, it tightens the bow. No more
problem! Just a simple solution to a small frustration.
By Janet
If someone does not want ribbons but have easy to clean
matching knobs or handles, I would recommend a drop of
Loctite.
Loctite is available in all the better hardware and
electrical supply and bearing dealerships. It comes
in tiny red bottles for industrial use and tubes for
home use.
Traditionally the contents are color coded:
Green for alredy assembled fasteners. It wicks into
the thread.
Blue if you have to be able to remove it with tools.
It won't rattle loose even on a Harley, but you CAN
open it, if you have to.
Red Loctite is permanent. You need a torch to soften it.
Don't use that on a furnace fan pulley!
However, for knobs, that should stay locked for a lifetime,
put a drop onto the thread before you put the nut on,
or put the nut on and tighten it, then apply a tiny drop
of the Green. It will wick into the thread.
I used Loctite not just at home but in industry on everything
from motors, generators, welders, conveyor belts, crushers,
ball and rod mills, pumps, etc.
Since just a tiny drop is all you need, one of those tiny
bottles will probably last you a lifetime.
Next time you are at Home Depot or
Ace, look for Loctite, or look for the
nearest dealer at http://loctite.com
They have all kinds of other industrial glues
and sealers too, just look for Threadlockers.
And yes, it works well on stove door handles, fridge handles,
anything that should be tighter than it is.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A little girl asked her mother for a dollar to give to an old lady
in the park. Her mother was touched by the child's kindness,
and gave her the dollar, the said, "There you are, my dear, but
tell me, isn't the lady able to work any more?"
"Oh yes," said the little girl. "She sells candy."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A minister announced to the congregation that admission to a
church social event would be six dollars per person. "However,
if you're over 65," he said, "the price will be only $5.50."
From the back of the sanctuary, a woman's voice rang out,
"Do you really think I'd give you that information for only
fifty cents?"
Today, Oct 10, in
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis, MD.
1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt.
1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company.
1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by revolutionaries
under Sun Yat-sen.
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion of
the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the
Panama Canal.
1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale.
1938 Nazi Germany completed annexation of Czechoslovakia's
Sudetenland.
1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as president
1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of
the first global airline service.
1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people.
1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the "Peanuts"
comic strip.
1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of
British rule.
1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean.
He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours.
1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in
reaction to a military coup that forced President
Jean-Claude Aristide into exile.
1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-
chief of the army and pledged to leave the country.
2003 Rush Limbaugh annouced that he was addicted to painkillers
and that he was going to check into a rehab center.
2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public.
2013 smiled
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Wednesday, October 9, 2013, 11:42 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October 9
Thank you very much, Cookie!
My lawn is bright yellow. Completely covered with bright
yellow leaves. Around here that does not mean anybody would
go buy a rake and garbage bag, except maybe the newcomers
in the new subdivision.
Most people just look to the Western horizon and guess about
when the next Chinook will arrive.
The climatologists had predicted a Chinook for the weekend,
but with those bozos you got to be glad if they can correctly
predict that after Friday there is a good chance for a weekend.
They are still yapping about Gullible Warming. Yeah, right.
Down South, maybe. Here we had two degrees above freezing,
thin November rain and a gusty 20 - 40 mph North-West wind
while I took Copper, my neighbor's dog, for our regular
evening walk. Tomorrow I will be wearing gloves!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Talking much about oneself can also be a means
to conceal oneself.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
>From Dave
Morris Schwartz is dying and is on his deathbed.
He is with his nurse, his wife, his daughter and 2 sons,
and knows the end is near. So he says to them:
"Bennie, I want you to take the Beverly Hills houses.'
Sybil, take the apartments over in Los Angeles Plaza.
Hymie, I want you to take the offices over in City Center.
Sarah, my dear wife, please take all the residential
buildings downtown"
The nurse is just blown away by all this, and as Morris
slips away, she says to the wife, “Mrs. Schwartz, your
husband must have been such a hard working man to have
accumulated so much property."
Sarah replies, "Property schmoperty...the schmuck had a
newspaper route."
Stink Bug Control!
(This is NOT about the Government!)
In Alaska, don't worry about stinkbugs, yet.
So far they are only in the lower 48 states,
and worst in the East. If the stinkbugs have
started to show up in your area, get this book!
The price WILL go up, so don't procrastinate!
Get StinkBug Control now!
>From Dave
A Jewish couple won twenty-million pounds on the lottery. They
immediately set out to begin a life of luxury. They bought a magnificent
mansion in Knightsbridge and surrounded themselves with all the material
wealth imaginable. Then they decided to hire a butler.
They found the perfect butler through an agency, very proper and very
British, and brought him back to their home. The day after his arrival,
he was instructed to set up the dining room table for four, as they were
inviting the Cohens to lunch. The couple then left the house to do some
shopping.
When they returned, they found the table set for eight. They asked the
butler why eight, when they had specifically instructed him to set the
table for four.
The butler replied, "The Cohens telephoned and said they were bringing
the Blintzes and the Knishes!"
Sun in my neighbor's poplar tree
Click on the picture for the large version
and here with the sun behind a branch
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
April Chamberlain, 30, Oklahoma City, OK
Teacher jailed for passing out drunk
at school with whisky in purse
Reported by The Weekly Vice
April Chamberlain, a 30-year-old substitute teacher at
Milwood High School, was jailed Wednesday after she was
allegedly found passed-out drunk with a bottle of whiskey
in her purse.
According to the Oklahoma County Sheriff's Office,
Chamberlain was substitute teaching a biology class while
she appeared disoriented and persisted in using profanity
with students.
When students found Chamberlain passed out in the office,
they contacted a coach who alerted the school principal.
Investigators say Chamberlain was slow to wake up after
she had been tapped on the shoulder and shouted at to
"wake up." A deputy at the scene found an opened bottle
of Canadian Whiskey in Chamberlain's purse and noted that
she smelled strongly of alcohol.
Chamberlain also reportedly slurred her words and appeared
to be unsteady on her feet.
She was booked into the Oklahoma County Jail and charged
with public drunkenness.
Following the arrest, Millwood Public Schools Superintendent,
Cecilia Robinson, announced that Chamberlain was "only a
substitute teacher".
Tech Support Pits
From: Jan
Re: Free Anti-Virus
Webby I was wanting to know IF you knew of any Free Anti
Virus that was really good and did the job of protecting,
I at times can not afford the ones like you use etc..and
all. May sound strange but that's the way it is for me ..
I want some thing that Can do the job and be trust worthy
and thought you would be the one to know.
Thank you so much and I hope you are doing ok with your
eyes ....
Jan
Dear Jan
If the free ones were good enough,
then nobody would spend $30 a year for a better one.
Depending on what one has to protect,
an empty KFC bucket might be good enough for a motorcycle
helmet.
Personally, I prefer a BELL helmet. Full face.
That is why I use McAfee
McAfee Total Protection has all kinds of other goodies
included. For example, if somebody sends me a link, and
there is some kind of danger there, It pops a big, goofy
warning screen with 2" high letters yelling:
"WHOA! Don't go there! Back up!"
and it blocks that site from sending anything, even cookies.
Like that, it has all kinds of protectors built in, not
just virus and malware protection.
You just have to decide, whether your stuff is worth
$30 - $40 a year, or whether it is no big deal if you lose
it all and it is easy enough to start all over.
If you decide to gamble, upload the important stuff to some
cloud based archive. There are some free ones available,
though I have not checked those out.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Give Halloween Pencils Instead of Candy
For Halloween I give out Halloween pencils. You can get
them at the Dollar Store, there is usually 10 in a package.
They always get too much candy, and it can be used after
the holiday. The kids love it, so do the parents! I have
been doing this for years now.
By Lynda (crabby) from Kearny NJ
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Some people grow old gracefully, while others fight and scratch
the whole way. Andy's wife, refusing to give in to the looks of
growing old, goes out and buys a new line of expensive cosmetics
guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the "miracle"
products, she asks her husband, "Darling, honestly, if you
didn't know me, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Andy replied, "Judging from your
skin, 20; your hair, 18; your eyes, 16, and your figure, 25."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed. Just as she was about to
tell Andy his reward, he stops her by saying:
"WHOA, hold on there sweety!
I haven't added them up yet!"
Andy may eventually be able to walk again, if he is
careful.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Little Johnny was in church when the wine and wafers were
passed out. His mother leaned over and told him that he was
not old enough to partake in the Communion.
When the basket was passed around she leaned over once again
to tell him to drop his money in, but Little Johhny held his
dollar firmly in his hand, stating:
"If I can't eat, I won't pay!"
Today, Oct 9, in
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land
that belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded
Providence, Rhode Island as a place for people to seek
religious freedom.
1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in
New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale.
1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is
now San Francisco, CA.
1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary
War took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led
by George Washington, defeated the British troops under
Lord Cornwallis.
1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two
British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia.
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor.
1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope.
1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began.
1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm
later became Montgomery Wards.
1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of 2 miles.
1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for
the first time. Currently the pbulic is blocked from it.
1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp, Be.
1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was
later changed to Hoover Dam.
1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis.
The dome was unharmed in the bombing.
1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY.
1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg, VA.
1963 Over 2,000 people were killed in northeast Italy when
the Vaiont Dam was overrun by water. The incident was
caused by landslide that occurred behind the dam.
1967 Che Guevara was executed by Bolivian soldiers for
attempting to incite a revolution in Bolivia.
1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize.
The Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the
hydrogen bomb."
1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83.
She became the oldest person to become a member.
1985 The hijackers of the Achille Lauro cruise liner
surrendered after the ship arrived in Port Said, Egypt.
1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth
federal official to be removed from office through
impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of
"high crimes and misdemeanors."
1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd
Webber opened in London.
1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of
tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh.
1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf
in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops
and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border.
1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring
a hundred.
2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that
water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on
the moon.
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Tuesday, October 8, 2013, 09:48 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October 8
Thank you Allene!
OOOPS! I forgot the picture. Here it is:
The leaves on my Saskatoon bushes are turning colorful.
Here is a picture of me in front of them today.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars
a year and spends very little on office supplies.
--- Woody Allen (1935 - )
We can have facts without thinking but we cannot have
thinking without facts.
--- John Dewey (1859 - 1952)
An Irish Priest Transferred Recently to Texas
Father O'Malley rose from his bed. It was a fine spring
day in his new Texas mission parish. He walked to the
window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful
day outside. He then noticed there was a jackass lying
dead in the middle of his front lawn. He promptly called
the local police station.
The conversation went like this:
"Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I
help you?"
"And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O'Malley
at St. Brigid's There's a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.
Would ye be so kind as to send a couple o' yer lads to take
care of the matter?"
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit,
replied with a smirk, "Well now father, it was always my
impression that you people took care of last rites!"
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.
Father O'Malley then replied: "Aye, tis certainly true, but
we are also obliged to notify the next of kin."
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This little guy walks into a bar, sits down and orders
his drink. After a while, this big guy comes along and
"WHAP" little guy's on the floor.
The big guy says "That was a karate chop from Japan"
So, the little guy gets up and sits down again.
Soon, the big guy's back again, and "WHOOSH" little
guy's on the floor again.
The big guy says "that was a sumo chop from China"
Little guy gets up and leaves.
The big guy sits down where the little guy was.
Thirty minutes later, the little guy comes back, and
"BANG" big guy's on the floor, passed out.
The little guy tells the bartender "When he wakes up,
tell him that was a pipe wrench, from Sears."
Thanks to Sue in Saskatchewan for this picture of a
prairie sunset Sunday evening.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Charles Marqull Williams, 20
Man who forgot to flush
arrested for buglary
Reported by NewsOK
A man accused of stealing some items from a home was
charged with burglary based on what he left behind.
Charles Marqull Williams, 20, was charged Wednesday
with first-degree burglary in Oklahoma County District Court.
A burglary was reported at 1509 SE 47 Place.
The burglar apparently relieved himself in a toilet, leaving
behind unflushed feces and a used piece of toilet paper on
the floor, according to the probable cause affidavit.
A DNA test on the toilet paper matched Williams, the
affidavit states.
Williams was convicted previously of second-degree burglary,
concealing stolen property and possession of a controlled
dangerous substance, records show.
Tech Support Pits
From: Allie
Re: Internet radio
Dear Webby,
You once mentioned an Internet radio, that you use, but at
the time I did not need it, so I neglected to bookmark it.
Can you please tell me again?
Allie
Dear Allie
I use Accu Radio
They have a classic and a new user interface. Either one
lets you choose from countless categories, ban artists,
whom you don't like, and customize it to just what you want.
For example, I just noticed a channel: "80's: No Metal"
Turns out to be nice and perky, just fine for background.
Another category mentiones: " .... No Rap"
Some day, I will definitely check that out.
Accu Country Internet Radio plays nicely in the background,
no matter what you do with the browser. However, if you
open a video chat on Skype, it immediately mutes
automatically to just a very faint hint of music, that does
not interfere. As soon as you end the chat, the radio comes
back to the normal volume.
The same goes for rebooting. Accu Radio comes back
automatically.
There are visual ads, but since you normally run it in the
background anyway, they are no problem.
You can run AccuRadio on any old computer.
VISTA, Windows98, Windows2000, XP, etc are just fine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Alcohol To Remove Permanent Marker
If you get permanent marker on appliances/counter tops
(like store receipt blue!), you can remove it with rubbing
alcohol on a paper towel.
Source: My Mom
By JodiT from Aurora, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
This lady surprised a burglar in her kitchen. He was all loaded
down with the things he was going to steal. She had no
weapon and was all alone. The only thing that she could think
to do was quote scripture. So, she holds up a hand and says:
"ACTS 2:38!!!"
The burglar quakes in fear and then freezes to the point that
she is able to get to the phone and call 911 for the cops.
When the cops arrive, the burglar is still frozen in place. They
are very much surprised that a woman alone with no weapon
could do this. One of them asked the lady:
"How did you do this?"
The woman replied:" I quoted scripture."
The cop turned the burglar: "What was it about the scripture
that had such an effect on you?"
The burglar replied: "Scripture! What scripture? I thought she
said she had an axe and two 38's."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The fourth-grade teacher had to leave the room for a few
minutes. When she returned, she found the children in
perfect order. Everybody was sitting absolutely quiet.
She was shocked and stunned and said,
"I've never seen anything like it before. This is wonderful.
But, please tell me, what came over all of you?
Why are you so well-behaved and quiet?"
Finally, after much urging, a little girl said,
"Well, one time you said that if you ever came back and
found us quiet, you would drop dead!!"
Today, Oct 8, in
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
Philadelphia, PA.
1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded.
1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began.
1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and
Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb.
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for
the first time.
1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous
and an illegal substance.
1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel
Prize for literature.
1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including Solidarity,
were banned.
1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI
of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on
the Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the
siege killed as many as 85 people.
1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran
said that three border posts were destroyed before the
Taliban forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of
Afghanistan denied the event occurred.
1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N.
Security Council.
2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to
be conducted outside of the international space station
without a shuttle present.
2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W. Bush's
request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic 10-day
labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S. economy an
estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day.
2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit
the Earth briefly on October 15.
2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative
agreement that would allow the first commercial flights
between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam
War.
2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were
held in Afghanistan.
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Automatic Search Suggestions
Monday, October 7, 2013, 11:09 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, October 7
Enough others are writing about the US Govt blocking the
Veterans from the war memorials and kicking seniors out
of their houses, if they are on leased land. So I will
completely avoid those topics.
The leaves on my Saskatoon bushes are turning colorful.
Here is a picture of me in front of them today.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a
question mark on the things you have long taken for granted.
--- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970)
While on my desk assignment in the Army, I noticed that my
co-worker never answered his phone. One day I asked him
why, and he said, "If you had to pick up the telephone and
say, 'Statistical section, Specialist Stan Strastewskivich
speaking,' would you want to answer the phone?"
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> From Bill C
My wife doesn't complain often, but once she was having a
old-fashioned "heart-to-heart" with me and said, "Hon, you
never listen to me. Every time I try to talk to you, you
get this far-away look in your eyes after only a few seconds.
Please promise me you'll try to work on that."
The last thing I remember was replying, "I'm sorry, what
was that you were saying?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Frank Harrison, 46, Tewksbury, MA
Jailed After Rape Attempt Fails,
Woman Cracks His Skull With Cooking Pot
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Frank Harrison, a 46-year-old Massachusetts man, was jailed
Sunday after he allegedly tried to rape a woman - but
ended up with several well-earned lumps on his head instead.
According to Tewksbury police, officers were dispatched to
an Extended Stay motel early Sunday morning after receiving
reports about a man who appeared to be suffering from
serious head trauma.
Arriving officers eventually learned that Harrison received
several lumps and cuts to his head after he allegedly entered
a woman's motel room with a knife and attempted to rape her.
When Harrison refused to let the woman leave the room, she
reportedly grabbed a cooking pot and cracked him in the
skull several times before fleeing the scene.
Harrison was booked into jail and charged with kidnapping,
assault to rape while armed, and indecent assault/battery.
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Search Suggestions
Dear Webby,
Hope you are OK from the injections and you are back with
your newsletter soon. Surely do miss you in the mornings.
Another question---trying to help a fellow with a computer
set-up and we are missing the Automatic suggestions under
search box while typing.
I have this on mine and he on his old one, but the "newer"
machine won't do this. This is the same even in his
"Frontier Yahoo" email.
Is there a setting somewhere that I haven't found yet that
will do this?
I am hoping that you know what I am talking about. I was
searching for "Kelly Blue Book" the other day and as I typed
Kel I got lots of suggestions. Really would like this feature.
Thanks again for all.
Jim
Dear Jim
Most likely just a routine Yahoo malfunction.
Yahoo and yahoos do weird stuff.
If one axes that thilly Yahoo tool bar, and
uses FireFox and
selects Google as the default search engine,
then auto-complete and Search Suggestions work
automatically, by default.
If it is NOT set, right-click on the search window on the
right top,
and put a checkmark onto "Show Suggestions"
The Search Window might be elsewhere, since you CAN drag it
around. It is usually a small window like you see in the
picture, and it has the icon of one of the many search
engines in the spot, where you see the Google symbol in mine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Covering Heat Registers
To stop cold air leaks from coming in your unused heat
register vents just cut up one of those large magnetic
calendars for your fridge. I got 3 covers from a Dollar
Tree calendar. You can paint them if you choose.
By Melanie
That is not a good idea at all.
If a heat register is not blowing hot air, when the furnace
is on, then most likely a pipe has come loose and is now
blowing hot air into the basement. Covering that register
just helps you to ignore the cause.
When you get your furnace and ductwork cleaned, the pro will
reconnect the fallen duct, and you will get hot air from that
register again. That is routine for them.
There is also another consideration. If you have cold
basement air coming in from that register, it means you
have a vacuum in the house due to warm air escaping
somewhere.
Use a candle flame to check window and door frames,
light fixtures, fireplaces, etc. and reduce the escape
of "paid for", heated air. You don't have to eliminate it
completely, just reduce it to a trickle.
Blocking the register will just shift the cold replacement
of the escaped, "paid for", heat to another location.
Remember, you can NOT eliminate a vacuum by blocking an
intake. You have to block the outgoing escape locations,
that create the vacuum.
Another thing to remember, if you want to use warm attic
air as make-up air to replace the escaped heated air, it
will NOT go down into the basement wilingly.
Warm air wants to go UP. You need a small duct-fan to
force it down there. They are cheap and very quiet.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
One day I got a call from an Individual who asked what hours
the call center was open.
I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day,
7 days a week".
He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?"
Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh... Pacific."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A man with a wooden leg wanted to buy fire insurance for his
leg. The first actuary quoted an annual premium of $500,
estimating that the leg would burn once in 20 years and the
value of the leg is $10,000. The second actuary quoted an
annual premium of $50. When the second actuary was asked
how he arrived at such a small figure, he replied, "This
situation is right here in the fire schedule rating table.
The object is a wooden structure with an upper sprinkler,
isn't it?"
Today, Oct 7, in
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates
to New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates
adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances."
1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle
of Saratoga began.
1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving
assembly line when the chassis was added to the process.
1949 The German Democratic Republic (EastGermany) was formed
1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel
and entered North Korea. China in November proved their
threat to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand
troops over the border into North Korea.
1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the
first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and
pillows.
1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban
treaty with Britain and the Soviet Union.
1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of
Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next
president of Egypt.
1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions.
1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced Marxism
in favor of democratic socialism.
1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor,
and naval firepower to Somalia.
1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier
to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving
toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert.
1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that
alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by
preventing banks from offering other cards.
1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up
to $4.83 billion to settle claims that the fen-phen
diet drug caused dangerous problems with heart valves.
2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in
Afghanistan in response to that state's support of
terrorism and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first
military action taken in response to the terrorist
attacks on the U.S. on September 11, 2001.
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis.
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Thursday, October 3, 2013, 09:35 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, October3
Today I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday
and Sunday.
535 members of the US Congress, both Senators and
Representatives, Democrats, Republicans and ‘Independents’
alike can vocalize political rhetoric, while they draw
their full pay, allowances and benefits, and are exempted
from the same “ObamaCare” law they passed.
Just how bad is "Obamacare", that anybody in the White House,
including Michelle's 500 paid fans, ahem "staffers", anybody
in the Senate and the House and THEIR staffers, and all the
Millions of illegal immigrants have to be exempted and shielded
from it?
Shouldn't the military and the vets be excempted and shielded
too?
Blocking the WWII Memorial and the Vietnam War Memorial as if
they were the property of the Democratic Party is NOT a smart
move. Remember, at least 100,000 of the bikers from the 9/11
run to DC were vets. They can be ignited again!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
People might not get all they work for in this world,
but they must certainly work for all they get.
--- Frederick Douglass (1817 - 1895)
Thanks to Annette for this excellent re-write of an
old classic:
Woman Shot in her own Driveway
Linda Burnett, 26, a resident of San Diego, was visiting
her in-laws and, while there, went to a nearby supermarket
to pick up some groceries.
Later, her husband noticed her sitting in her car in the
driveway with the windows rolled up and her eyes closed,
with both hands behind the back of her head.
He became concerned and walked over to the car. He noticed
that Linda's eyes were now open and she looked very strange.
He asked her if she was okay, and Linda replied that she had
been shot in the back of the head and had been holding her
brains in for over an hour.
The husband called the paramedics, who broke into the car
because the doors were locked and Linda refused to remove
her hands from her head.
When they finally got in, they found that Linda had a wad
of bread dough on the back of her head. A Pillsbury biscuit
canister had exploded from the heat, making a loud noise
that sounded like a gunshot, and the wad of dough hit her
in the back of her head.
When she reached back to find out what it was, she felt
the dough and thought it was her brains. She initially
passed out, but quickly recovered.
Linda is a Democrat, and an Obama supporter, but that
could all be a coincidence.
The defective biscuit canister was analyzed and the
expiration date was from 2008, so it was determined
to be Bush's fault.
Best Data Recovery Software
Find lost data on
Hard Drives
PC & Laptops
Removable Drives
Flash Drives
Cameras
Mobile Phones
Memory Cards
Easy to use and effective!
Get Wise Recovery now!
>From Elizabeth
I overheard my father telling a family friend about my newly-
assigned mission in the U.S. Coast Guard. I work on a cutter
that escorts cruise ships and international vessels under the
bridges in California's Bay Area. But what my father told his
friend was, "She's involved in some sort of escort service."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Matthew Freethy-Swimm and Melissa Jones in Athens, Georgia
Jailed for raping 10 year old autistic boy
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Georgia couple Matthew Freethy-Swimm and Melissa Jones have
been jailed after they allegedly raped a 10-year-old
autistic boy at knife-point.
According to police, a 10-year-old autistic boy was raped
at knife-point after the boy's mother asked the couple to
watch her son while she took her younger child to the
emergency room following an accident.
The victim's mother is reportedly the couple's landlord
and both of her sons (ages 10 and 9) are autistic.
Investigators say Freethy-Swimm and Jones wasted no time
in sexually assaulting the boy after his mother pulled
out of the driveway. The victim told detectives that
Freethy-Swimm held a knife to his throat while Jones
sexually assaulted him.
The victim also stated that after the assault, Jones
bragged about "taking the virginity of a minor," according
to the arrest affidavit.
After the incident, the boy reportedly began having
behavioral issues that persisted for several weeks. Three
weeks after the incident the boy ran out of his house and
confronted Freethy-Swimm and Jones over the alleged abuse
and "being forced to have sex with Jones." Bi-standers
reportedly had to pull the alleged victim away.
That's when the boy gave a detailed description of what
happened to him to his mother, a therapist and police.
Later, the boy was given a forensic examination at The
Cottage Sexual Assault Center, where he was interviewed
by an expert who specializes in communicating with
autistic children.
Following the interview, a warrant was obtained for
Freethy-Swimm and Jones' arrest. They were booked into
jail and charged with felony statutory rape and child
molestation.
Freethy-Swimm was additionally charged with aggravated
assault. He is also wanted in Massachusetts on a charge
of assault with a deadly weapon.
Jones was additionally charged with sexual battery.
Tech Support Pits
From: Fran
Re: Hot laptop
Dear Webby.
My laptop gets hot and after an hour shuts down.
What can I do to fix that?
Fran
Dear Fran
Get a small Philips (star) screwdriver, a vacuum cleaner,
some Q-tips and a cleaning spray like Simple Green or Windex.
Turn the laptop off and turn it upside down.
Open the clamshell after removing the 4 = 6 screws that
hold it.
Don't worry, nothing is going to go sproing and jump out.
Vacuum the inside and look for fans and heat sinks.
Heat Sinks are finned radiators, usually bare aluminum,
and sometimes hiding under a fan shroud.
The fan shrouds usually pop off with a bit of help from
a screwdriver. Clean them and the fan blades with the
Q-tips and cleaning spray. Make sure you don't miss a fan
blade, or it will be noisy.
When done, vacuum again to get the dirt, that your work
knocked loose.
Close the clam shell and put the screws back in.
That's all there is to it.
If you are scared of doing that yourself, the kid next
door would probably gladly do it for a pumpkin pie or $5.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Alcohol in a Spray Bottle
To Clean Eyeglasses
We were told when we purchased our eyeglasses to just use
alcohol in a small spray bottle. We both have special
non-glare finishes. The lenses had been damaged on past
glasses by other cleaning methods, but this one works
beautifully!
By Elgie
Simple Green, diluted about 1 part SG to 6 - 8 parts water,
misted onto the glasses with a trigger sprayer or a compact
pump sprayer like the one you get with the glasses, then
rinsed under hot water, and dried with micro-fiber cloth
or clean former t-shirt rag, works just fine.
The same works fine for monitors too.
And it is not toxic or alcoholic, and a lot cheaper
than alcohol.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Vern for this story:
Preparing for a tag sale at our house, my wife and I decided to
put out a mirror we'd received as a wedding gift. Because of
its garish aqua colored metal frame we just couldn't find a room
in our house where it looked good. Shortly after the tag sale
started, a man looking to decorate his apartment bought it for
one dollar.
"This is a great deal," he said excitedly." It still has the
plastic on it." Then he peeled off the aqua colored protective
covering to reveal a beautiful gold finished frame.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
"What's the usual tip?" a man growled when the college boy
who delivered his pizza.
"Well," the student replied, "this is my first delivery,
but the other guys said that if I got a quarter out of
you, I'd be doing great."
"That so?" grunted the man. "In that case, here's five
dollars."
"Thanks," the student said, "I'll put it in my
college fund."
"By the way, what are you studying?"
"Applied psychology."
Today, Oct 3, in
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day.
1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by Thurman.
1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor.
1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store.
1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia.
1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War I.
1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia).
1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was "broken"
and they "would never rise again." With the help of the USA
they did.
1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices.
1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line.
1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier
Field in Chicago.
1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world
when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers.
1981 Irish Nationalist in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had
lasted 7 months and ten people had died.
1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to
Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees
to the West.
1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after
the borders between East and West Germany were dissolved.
The unification of Germany ended 45 years of division.
1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait
since his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.
1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers.
2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked
by a tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack
after being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old
male named Montecore, was debuting in his first show.
2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that
it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack.
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Wednesday, October 2, 2013, 12:37 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, October2
WWII War Memorial Gestapo is no match for WWII veterans!
Just to be ornery, the WWII War Memorial was closed by the
Government and heavily armed park Gestapo was trying to keep
visitors out.
The four bus loads of veterans — visiting from Mississippi
as part of a once-in-a-lifetime Honor Flight tour — ignored
National Park Gestapo instructions not to enter the site as
lawmakers and tourists cheered them on.
“We didn’t come this far not to get in,” one veteran
proclaimed.
The veterans figured the WWII War Memorial belonged to them,
not to the potbellied goons with guns and batons and tasers.
And just like they won WWII, they won the fight for the
memorial.
As Rep. Steve King, R-Iowa, distracted the Park Police, other
lawmakers and their staff helped topple the metal fences. A
bagpiper on hand for the event led the veterans past the
crowd and into the heart of the memorial, attracting a lot
of applause from the large crowd.
“This just means so much to me,” said Alex “Lou” Pitalo, an
Army vet who served in the Pacific during WWII. “I waited
70 years to get a welcome like this. And to get to see this
and to have all those people clapping … I’m just so happy.
This was amazing.”
To be ornery and spiteful the Government has closed other
memorial sites too, as if they were property of the
Democrats.
I have a hunch, we will hear more about this!
Just in:
House Republicans were not able to push through 3 measures
that would have reopened the national parks, and funded
veterans programs while the federal government is shut down.
The Democrats in the Senate, just to be an ornery and spiteful
nuisance, vetoed that. Obama also announced, that he would
veto it, if it passed.
We know he doesn't like the military, and apparently he does
not like veterans either.
On Thursday, october 3, I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday
and Sunday.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Statistics: The only science that enables different experts
using the same figures to draw different conclusions.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995),
Thanks to Allen for this story:
Before our daughter went off to college, our family took a
vacation in Colorado. So we flew to Denver and rented a car.
We visited the Royal Gorge Bridge, which is more than 1000
feet above the Arkansas River.
Walking out onto the bridge, I noticed it swaying in the
wind. Then a car went past us, and the wood-plank roadway
moved beneath my feet. "I don't think I want to drive the
car across this bridge," I finally said.
"What are you worried about?" our daughter replied. "It's a
rental."
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A guy came home to his wife and said to her: "Guess what?
I've found a great job. A 10 am start, 2 pm finish, no over-
time, no weekends and it pays $600 a week!"
"That's great," his wife said.
"Yeah, I thought so too," he agreed. "You start Monday."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jayne Rand, 48, of Swindon, England
Jailed for shoplifting
905 handbags
Reported by Sun Metro
Tech Support Pits
From: Judy
Re: Comcast
Hi Webby.
I hope you can help me with internet connection problem.
I'm connect to cabel,but there are time when I have low
power and I cannot connect to the internet. It will be off
for several hour and sometime longer.This has happen
many times. They have changed the cabel modem box
and a connection outside. When The repair man test my
computer every thing is o.k.. Comcast has decided the
problem is with the outside cabel. Hope you can help
or tell me where I can go for help.
Judy
Dear Judy
There is nothing you can do on your end about poor cable
quality somewhere between your house and the station.
Comcast probably does not even own the cable, but just
piggybacks on a local cable company's cable.
Theoretically they could raise a fuss with the local cable
company, but usually they can't be bothered.
Switching to a different provider piggybacking on the same
cable probably would not make any difference.
Switching to DSL, if it is available in your area, would
generally give you more reliability, but a bit less speed.
In the meantime, all you can do is yell at Comcast and
hope they will get the local cable company to fix the
problem.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Careful With Goo Gone on Leather
I bought a pair of Lilly Pulitzer sandals that had
sticker residue on the leather insoles. I used Goo Gone
and it removed the gold lettering also and also left a
blotched area. I have used Goo Gone in the past with
great success, but I would not recommend using it on
leather.
By eggoodwin
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
One day our little niece Rita, went up to her
mother and asked, "Mom, where did I come from?"
My sister in law stammered a bit, but finally
got her composure. She thought it was time her
daughter knew the facts of life. So, she told
Little Rita how the expression of love resulted
in the beginning of life, how life developed in
the womb and finally how a child was born. As my
sister in law gave the whole story, Rita's eyes
got wider and wider.
When She was finished, Little Rita said "Wow,
that's really neat. That's sure better than what
Uncle Rusty told me. He said that he came
from Toronto."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Here is a good old classic:
This Irish guy shows up in a pub one day and orders three
pints of Guinness. He takes sips from each glass until they
are empty and calls the bartender for three more. The
bartender says, "Hey, pal, I don't mind bringing one at
a time, then they'll be fresh and cold."
"Nah... ahm preferrin' that ya bring 'em three at a time.
You see, me and me two brothers would meet at a pub and
drink and have good times. Now one is in Australia, the
other in Canada and I'm here. We agreed before we split
up that we'd drink this way to each other's honor."
"Well," says the bartender, "that's a damn good sentimental
thing to do. I'll bring the pints as you ask."
Well, time goes on and the Irishman's peculiar habit is
known and accepted by all the pub regulars. One day, the
Irishman comes in and orders only two pints. A hush falls
over the pub. Naturally, everyone figures something happened
to one of the brothers. A bunch of the regulars corner the
bartender and finally persuade him to find out what happened.
With a heavy heart, the bartender brings the two pints and
says, "Here's your pints... and let me offer my sincerest
condolences. What happened?"
The Irishman looks extremely puzzled for a moment. When
the light comes on in his head, he starts laughing.
"No, no! 'Tis nothing like that. You see, I've gotten
married and promised to give up drinking.
Hasn't affected my brothers, though."
Today, Oct 2, in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France.
1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy.
He was carrying information about the actions of
Benedict Arnold.
1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated
a Mexican cavalry unit.
1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years
of acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop
his "theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859
book entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection.
1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy.
1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images.
1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He
was 26 years old.
1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow.
1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising.
1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence.
1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the
United States during that voyage, and the transport of
U.S. goods was banned on ships owned by companies that
traded with Cuba.
Ironically, today the USA is almost as socialist as Cuba.
1989 In Leipzig, East Germany a protest took place demanding
the legalization of opposition groups and the adoption of
democratic reforms.
1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied
in Germany, and started paying rent for their bases.
1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades.
1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state
drivers were overcharged by about $73 million a year
in price-fixing.
1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern
Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels.
2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001
terrorist attacks in the United States.
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Separate keyboard for laptop
Tuesday, October 1, 2013, 09:10 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, October1
On Thursday, october 3 I am due for more injections into
my eyeballs. That means no newsletters on Friday, Saturday
and Sunday.
After FaceBook was ordered to shut down the truckers site
for mentioning "God bless America", because it apparently
irked a certain Kenyan hypnotist, a slew of new sites came
up, all competing with each other like a bunch of kids in a
sandbox.
The site, that seems to have risen above the fray is
https://www.facebook.com/ridefortheconstitution
Worst of all is the site put up by the owners of the one,
that was shut down. They have some wanna-be radio talk show
yapper chasing away visitors. You can shut up the yapper
at the left top corner, but best to mute the sound before
going there. There is some useful information on that site,
but most is unfortunately in little videos, that are not
easy to understand.
That site is http://ridefortheconstitution.org
And now they want to organize a drive to the FaceBook offices!
Even though all the other sites each contribute a little bit,
they just fragment the movement.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
"The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working when
you get up in the morning, and doesn't stop until you
get to the office."
--- Robert Frost
A mission statement is defined as "a long, awkward sentence
that demonstrates management's inability to think clearly.
Most companies have one.
--- Socratex
>From Maria
I was waiting tables at a country club when an elegantly
dressed woman spilled Manhattan clam chowder all over her
white linen skirt. She began furiously dabbing at it with
a napkin.
Having plenty of experience with getting out food stains,
I asked, "Can I bring you some club soda?"
"Young lady," she barked, "I'll be the judge of when I've
had enough to drink. Bring me another martini!"
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Removable Drives
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Cameras
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A wealthy investor walked into a bank and said to the bank
manager, "I would like to speak with Mr. Reginald Jones,
who I understand is a tried and trusted employee of yours."
The banker said, "Yes, he certainly was trusted. And he will
be tried as soon as we catch him."
Thanks to Cookie for sending this:
Click on the picture for the large version
I know nothing about this painting or the artist
but I sure do like it a LOT!!
Cookie
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Cynthia Lynn Herr, 35, Spring Hill, Floriduh
Jailed After Bragging About Having
Sex With Student Four Times In Same Day
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Cynthia Lynn Herr, a 35-year-old teacher at John D. Floyd
Grade School of Environmental Science, was jailed Monday
after she allegedly had a day-long sex marathon with a
student.
According to the Citrus County Sheriff's Office, an
investigation was launched after Herr allegedly told
another teacher that she was having sex with a
16-year-old student.
Investigators say Herr picked up a 16-year-old student,
drove him to a motel and proceeded to have sex with him
repeatedly throughout the day.
The victim confirmed that he and Herr had been involved
in a consensual sexual relationship, according to the
Sheriff's Office.
When detectives interviewed Herr, she admitted to picking
up the teen and then driving him to a motel where the two
had sex four times throughout the day.
Herr was booked into jail and charged with four counts
of unlawful sexual activity with certain minors.
Her bail was set at $20,000.
Tech Support Pits
From: Elaine
Re: Separate keyboard
Dear Webby,
How difficult is it to attach and install a real keyboard
to a laptop? This silly thing just makes my hands and wrists
cramp up in less than half an hour.
Help!
Elaine
Dear Elaine
That is exactly why I have been using an external
keyboard for the last twenty or so years.
The most difficult part about that is taking it out of the
box. Just plug it into any free USB port, Windows will
recognize it and you can start typing.
No need to shut down or reboot. Just plug it in.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Fixing a Broken Laundry Basket
When a laundry basket breaks, don't toss it.
Drill holes in the rim on either side of the
break and sew it together again!
By Elaine O.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair,
where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place.
Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she could write notes
when she needed to communicate.
After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning
off to the right, so some family members grabbed her
straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short
time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the
family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left.
Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members
again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist
to hold her up. A grandson, who arrived late, came up to
Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're looking good!
How are they treating you?"
Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a
note to the grandson.
"They won't let me fart."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Sandie for this story:
A minister decided that a visual demonstration
would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon.
Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon,
the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead.
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead .
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead .
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation -
What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine, who was sitting in the back,
quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink booze,
smoke and eat chocolate,
you won't have worms!"
Today, September 30, in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's
Queen Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots.
1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S. effectively
doubling its size.
1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park.
1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850.
1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during WWI by a
force made up of British and Arab forces.
1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of
the Spanish state.
1938 German forces waltzed into Czechoslovakia and seized
control of the Sudetenland.
1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States.
1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during WWII.
1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted.
1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated
the Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan.
1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley.
1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations
with the United States.
1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone
over to Panama.
1984 U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that
he was taking a leave of absence following his indictment
on charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted.
1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by
Israeli jet fighters.
1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency.
1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist government.
1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover
of Kuwait.
1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy.
1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in
Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide
from power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended.
1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent.
1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by
the U.S. Senate.
1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching
a series of trade agreements.
1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants
were convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the
U.S. through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations.
1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward
for the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is
accused of killing an undercover U.S. agent during
a drug purchase in 1994.
2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted
unanimously to ban Internet filters designed to keep
pornography away from children at city libraries.
The board left the decision up to the Library Commission
to decide whether to install filtering software in
children's areas. A federal law in the U.S. mandated
the use of the filters.
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Monday, September 30, 2013, 12:09 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 30
Last night's storm sure ripped a lot of branches off the
trees. It seems, the leaves still believe in Gullible Warming
and are reluctant to fall. Well, half of them have fallen,
but most of the rest came down still attached to branches.
Today the wind slowed down a bit, but not at altitude.
When I was out for my walk I heard and eventually saw a
plane towing a glider. Going against the wind, they looked
like they were standing still and even going backwards, but
steadily motoring higher. When they turned and were briefly
sideways to the wind, they moved sideways at what looked like
about 150 and had to disconnect. The glider took off like fired
from a sling shot, and the tow plane headed straight for the
little rural airport. Probably to change underwear.
The glider pilot disappeared southward to the area, where
they keep breaking world records for high altitude.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Economics is extremely useful
as a form of employment for economists.
--- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006)
>From Sue
I'm a LIFE-AND-CAREER coach, and one morning a prospective
client called for an appointment. I asked him what he wanted
to get out of our sessions.
"Clarity," he said very firmly.
"And on what issues are you looking for clarity?" I probed.
"Well," he said in a less confident tone, "I don't know."
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Hard Drives
PC & Laptops
Removable Drives
Flash Drives
Cameras
Mobile Phones
Memory Cards
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Get Wise Recovery now!
A woman went into a hardware store to purchase a bale of
peat moss. She gave a personal check in payment and said
to the clerk, "I suppose you will want some identification."
He replied, without hesitation,
"No ma'am, that won't be necessary."
"How come?" asked the woman.
"Crooks don't buy peat moss," answered the clerk.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Zara Crank, 22, Redding, CA
Jailed After Accusing Boyfriend Of
Molesting Son, Later Determined To Be
Diaper Rash Due To Her Own Neglect
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Zara Crank, a 22-year-old California woman, has been jailed
after she allegedly accused her boyfriend of sexually
assaulting her son over a diaper rash that was caused by
her own neglect.
According to police, officers were dispatched to Shasta
regional Medical Center just before 5 a.m. Sunday after
Crank called 911 and reported that her 4-year-old son
had been molested by her boyfriend.
While Crank was making her case, officers noticed a container
of methamphetamine coming out of her shirt. Crank also
appeared to be high on meth as she spoke to officers.
When officers asked about the substance inside the container,
Crank admitted that it was meth and stated that she had used
it the night before. She went on to say that she had been up
for four days straight and hadn't been taking care of her son.
When officers turned their attention to the alleged
molestation, Crank pointed out redness around the child's
genital area that was later determined to be a diaper rash
due to Cranks lack of care for her son, according to Cpl.
Jon Poletski.
Officers were ultimately unable to determine if anyone was
watching the child during the 4 days Crank was high on meth.
She was booked into jail and charged with suspicion of meth
possession (pending lab results) and child endangerment.
Tech Support Pits
From: Leslie
Re: Invisible counter
Dear Webby,
I want a counter on my page, but because it is still new,
the count is embarassingly low. Is there a way to hide it?
Leslie
Dear Leslie
Yes, sure there is. Just use a
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Skunk Odor Recipe Works
for Pet Stains
A recipe for cutting through skunk odor is great for
cutting through pet stains as well. It's a mixture
of peroxide, baking soda, and dish detergent. I mix a small
bottle of peroxide, half a cup of baking soda, and a couple
squirts of Dawn. I saw a guy on PBS show how it chemically
breaks down the skunk odor by breaking apart the molecules,
so I decided to try it on cat and dog stains and it worked!
I use it whenever our pets have decided to forget everything
they have been taught. :)
Source: PBS
By dorinmoz from Sugar Land, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A troop of Brownie Scouts is touring a cathedral, and the
children seem especially fascinated by the votive candles
in front of a side altar.
The leader asks if they'd each like to light one. She
explains that it is customary to say a prayer asking for
something or giving thanks.
"Do you have any questions?" she asks.
"No," says one little girl. "But if there's a pony outside,
it's mine."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A couple of boys are fishing at their special pond off the
beaten track. All of a sudden, the local game warden jumps
out of the bushes.
Immediately, one of the boys throws down his rod and starts
running through the woods. The game warden is hot on his
heels.
After about a half mile, the young man stops to catch his
breath, so the game warden finally catches up to him.
"All right," the official gasps. "Let's see yer fishin'
license, boy!"
The boy pulls out his wallet and gives the game warden a
valid fishing license.
"Well, son," the warden pants, "you must be about as dumb
as a box of rocks! You don't have to run from me if you
have a valid license!"
"Yes, sir," replies the young guy, "but that other guy who
was back there, whom I don't know, he might not have had
a license."
Today, September 30, in
1399 Henry Bolingbroke became the King of England as Henry IV.
1777 The Congress of the United States moved to York, PA,
due to advancing British forces.
1787 The Columbia left Boston and began the trip that would
make it the first American vessel to sail around the world.
1846 Dr. William Morton performed a painless tooth extraction
after administering ether to a patient.
1868 Spain's Queen Isabella was deposed and fled to France.
1882 In Appleton, WI, the world's first hydroelectric power
plant began operating.
1935 "Porgy and Bess" premiered in Boston.
1938 The Munich Conference ended with a decision to appease
Adolf Hitler. Britain, and France allowed Czechoslovakia's
(German speaking) Sudetenland to be annexed by the Nazis.
1946 An international military tribunal in Nuremberg, Germany,
found 22 top Nazi leaders guilty of war crimes.
1949 The Berlin Airlift came to an end. The airlift had taken
2.3 million tons of food into the western sector despite the
Soviet blockade.
1954 The U.S. Navy commissioned the Nautilus submarine at
Groton, CT. It was the first atomic-powered vessel. The
submarine had been launched on January 21, 1954.
1963 The Soviet Union publicly declared itself on the side of
India in their dispute with Pakistan over Kashmir.
1966 Albert Speer and Baldur von Schirach were released at
midnight from Spandau prison after completing their 20-year
sentences. Speer was the Nazi minister of armaments and von
Schirach was the founder of Hitler Youth.
1971 The Soviet Union and the United States signed pacts that
were aimed at avoiding an accidental nuclear war.
1971 A committee of nine people was organized to investigate
the prison riot at Attica, NY. 10 hostages and 32 prisoners
were killed when National Guardsmen stormed the prison on
September 13, 1971.
1976 California enacted the Natural Death Act of California.
The law was the first example of right-to-die legislation
in the U.S.
1980 Israel issued its new currency, the shekel, to replace
the pound.
1983 The first AH-64 Apache attack helicopter was rolled out
by McDonnell Douglas Helicopter Company.
1982 "Cheers" began an 11-year run on NBC-TV.
1984 Mike Witt became only the 11th pitcher to throw a perfect game in major league baseball.
1984 "Doonesbury" by Garry Trudeau returned. The comic strip had not been printed in nearly 20 months.
1986 The U.S. released accused Soviet spy Gennadiy Zakharov,
one day after Nicholas Daniloff had been released by the Soviets.
1987 Mikhail S. Gorbachev retired President Andrei A. Gromyko
from the Politburo and fired other old-guard leaders in a
shake-up at the Kremlin.
1989 Thousands of East Germans began emigrating under an accord
between the NATO nations and the Soviet Union.
1989 Non-Communist Cambodian guerrillas claimed that they had
captured 3 towns and 10 other positions from the residing
government forces.
1990 The Soviet Union and South Korea opened diplomatic
relations.
1991 Haiti's first freely elected president, Jean-Bertrand
Aristide, was overthrown by Brigadier General Raoul Cedras.
Aristide was later returned to power.
1992 Moscow banks distributed privatization vouchers aimed
at turning millions of Russians into capitalists.
1993 U.S. chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff Colin
Powell retired.
1994 The space shuttle Endeavor took off on an 11-day mission.
Part of the mission was to use a radar instrument to map remote
areas of the Earth.
1997 France's Roman Catholic Church apologized for its
silence during the persecution and deportation of Jews by
the pro-Nazi Vichy regime.
1999 In Tokaimura, Japan, radiation escaped a nuclear facility
after workers accidentally set off an uncontrolled nuclear
chain reaction.
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Why is FaceBook blocking SnipUrl ?
Sunday, September 29, 2013, 12:41 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 29
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The world's as ugly as sin, and almost as delightful
--- Frederick Locker-Lampson
Unfortunately sometimes one can't do what one thinks is right
without making someone else unhappy.
--- W. Somerset Maugham (1874 - 1965),
A man answered his doorbell and greeted a friend who walked
in followed by a very large dog. The dog immediately jumped
up on the sofa with his muddy feet and proceeded to knock
over a lamp and chew on the cushions.
The outraged householder began to scold his friend, "Don't
you think you should train your dog a little better?"
"My dog?" exclaimed the friend, "I thought it was your dog!"
Best Data Recovery Software
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Bob has been playing golf for years, and he has the finest
equipment, but his technique has never improved a bit. As his
friend watched, he teed up at the first hole and promptly
drove a brand-new ball into the woods. On the second hole, he
drove another new ball into a lake. On the third, he lost a
new ball in another part of the woods.
"Why don't you use an old ball?" his friend asked.
Bob replied: "Where do you buy old balls?"
Click on the picture for the large version
Econo Bridge
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Gabrell Marie Melton, 38, and Eugene Brimzy III, 21
Booze Dumpers
Reported by Walter:
Connecticut highway cleanup crews had nothing to celebrate Wednesday when a tractor trailer crashed, spilling a mountain of pricey champagne.
Around 2:15pm, the truck tipped over after smashing into a Department of Transportation vehicle and dumping hundreds of cases of Veuve Clicquot across I-395.
The bright yellow cases, valued at $500 each, held up travelers in Griswold well into the evening as crews scrambled to clean up the bubbly mess.
Rear-Ending a DOT truck with flashing lights,
in a construction zone, and destroying a semi and the load,
could be considered a CLM (Carreer Limiting Move)
Meanwhile in Canada, reported by Garry:
Beer truck spills load on Manitoba highway
There was trouble brewing on a Manitoba highway on Wednesday when a beer truck spilled its load.
It happened just after 9 a.m. on Highway 10 near Flin Flon.
The driver of the semi, who was the sole occupant of the vehicle, was taken to hospital but released shortly afterwards.
Highway 10 was closed while crews cleaned up the sudsy mess but has now open again.
Tech Support Pits
From: Carolyn
Re: SnipURL on FB
Dear Webby
Why can't I use SnipURL to shorten some long URLs on
FaceBook? Some idiots at some papers put the entire first
paragraph of a story into the URL, hoping that Google
will stop ignoring them, but FaceBook has a problem with
that, and when I use SnipURL to shorten the URL, then FaceBook
claims that is a bad site. What is going on?
Carolyn
Dear Carolyn
Just a routine FB Admin malfunction.
Once upon a time, long, long ago, somebody apparently used
SnipURL to disguise a porno site or somthing like that, and
when somebody at FB found out about that, they blocked ALL
Urls shortened by SnipURL henceforth and foreverafter.
That's all. No big mystery or technical issue.
Just email me the long URL, and the short nickname you want,
and I'll make you a short one.
For example, I can shorten:
"http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2425496/Incredible-moment-18-wheeler-dumps-hundreds-cases-CHAMPAGNE-worth-500-highway-halts-traffic-hours.html"
to
http://jos.org/dumper
FaceBook won't object to that.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Store Corn Cob Holders
on Dry Sponge
I read about a neat way to keep up with corn on the cob
holders that I thought I'd pass along the tip. After
they are washed, stick them into a clean dry sponge
until the next use.
By notwrong
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A cop walking his usual beat sees an old man pulling a box
on a leash, down a busy street.
"Poor man," the cop thinks to himself. "I'd better go humor him."
"That' a nice dog you got there," says the cop to the old man.
"It isn't a dog, it's a box," replies the old man.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman,
"I thought you were a bit touched."
The old man walks past the cop, then turns to his box, and
says, "We sure fooled him that time, didn't we, Rover?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An expert on whales was telling friends about some of the
unusual findings he had made.
"For instance," he said, "some whales can communicate at
a distance of 300 miles."
"What on earth would one whale say to another 300 miles
away?" asked a sarcastic member of the group.
"I'm not absolutely sure," answered the expert, "but
it sounds something like:
"Heeeeeeey! Can you hear me nowwww!?!'"
Today, September 29, in
1789 A regular army was established by the U.S. War Department
with several hundred men.
1829 The first public appearance by London's re-organized
police force was met with jeers from political opponents.
The force became known as Scotland Yard.
1943 U.S. Gen. Dwight D. Eisenhower and Italian Marchal
Pietro Badoglio signed an armistice aboard the British
ship Nelson.
1962 U.S. President John F. Kennedy nationalized the Mississippi
National guard in response to city officials defying federal
court orders. The orders had been to enroll James Meredith
at the University of Mississippi.
1967 The International Monetary Fund reformed monetary systems
around the world.
1977 Eva Shain became the first woman to officiate a
heavyweight title boxing match. About 70 million people
watched Muhammad Ali defeat Ernie Shavers on NBC-TV.
1982 In Chicago, IL, seven people died after taking capsules
of Extra-Strength Tylenol that had been laced with cyanide.
264,000 bottles were recalled.
1983 The War Powers Act was used for the first time by the
U.S. Congress when they authorized President Reagan to
keep U.S. Marines in Lebanon for 18 more months.
1984 Irish officials announced that they had intercepted
the Marita Anne carrying seven tons of U.S.-purchased
weapons. The weapons were intended for the Irish
Republican Army.
1984 Elizabeth Taylor was voted to be the world's most
beautiful woman in a Louis Harris poll. Taylor was at
the time in the Betty Ford Clinic overcoming a weight
problem.
1990 "Millie's Book" by First Lady Barbara Bush was the
best-selling non-fiction book in the U.S.
1992 Brazilian lawmakers overwhelmingly voted to impeach
President Fernando Collor de Mello.
1993 Bosnia's parliament voted overwhelmingly to reject an
international peace plan unless Bosnian Serbs returned
land that had been taken by force.
1998 Hasbro announced plans to introduce an action figure
of retired U.S. General Colin Powell.
2010 In China, Canton Tower became operational.
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Friday, September 27, 2013, 10:49 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 27.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Challenge is a dragon with a gift in its mouth…
Tame the dragon and the gift is yours.
--- Noela Evans
Choose your pleasures for yourself,
and do not let them be imposed upon you.
--- Lord Chesterfield (1694 - 1773)
A young man finally got a job at the Post Office. He was
full of energy and eager to please. The supervisor agreed
to work with the new employee, even though he had been
warned that he was still immature and knew nothing of the
job.
The first job the supervisor gives the young man is in
sorting, and much to everyone's surprise, the new employee
separated the letters so fast that his motions were literally
a blur. The supervisor was very pleased and asked the
young man to come into his office at the end of the day.
He said, "I just want you to know that we are all very proud
of you. You're one of the fastest workers we have ever had."
The humble young man said, "Thank you, sir. And tomorrow,
I'll try to do even better."
"Better?" the supervisor asked with astonishment.
"How can you possibly do better?"
The young man smiled proudly and said, "Tomorrow,
I am going to read the addresses."
A teacher was giving a lesson on the circulation of the blood.
Trying to make the matter clearer, he said, "Now, children,
if I stood on my head, the blood, as you know, would run into
it, and I would turn red in the face."
"Yes, sir," the class said together.
Then he asked, "Then why is it that while I am standing upright,
in the ordinary position the blood doesn't run into my feet?"
A little fellow shouted, "'Cause yer feet ain't empty!"
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Little Johnny loved surfing the Web, and kept track of his
passwords by writing them on Post-it notes. His mother
noticed his Disney password was, "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto,"
and asked why it was so long.
And little Johnny said, "Because, they said
it has to have at least four characters."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Kilimancharo
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jordan Caraway,25, DeLand, Floriduh
Left Toddler In Truck While
He Drank At Strip Club
Reported by Huff Post
If three's a trend, then Floridians really really like to
leave their children alone while they party at the strip
club.
Meet 25-year-old Jordan Caraway, our most recent pole addict.
The DeLand man is accused of leaving a 3-year-old child
alone in his pickup truck at 1 a.m. Sunday, while he boozed
inside Dixie's Gentlemen's Club.
Witnesses say he was inside for 30 minutes before an
employee spotted the child and called sheriff's deputies.
Caraway claimed he left another guy to watch the child,
but the babysitter also apparently got wooed by Dixie's
dancers, according to the Orlando Sentinel. He was
reportedly inside the strip club, too.
Caraway was arrested and taken to Volusia County Branch
Jail, but he's just a drop in the alleged bad dad bucket:
There's Kenneth Rowe, 26, who was reportedly wasted
when he walked into a Daytona Beach liquor store and asked
the clerk to watch his baby boy. Then he allegedly went
next door to the Shark Lounge for a lap dance or two.
Elliut Gonzalez, a 38-year-old from Orlando, is accused
of leaving his sleeping 7-year-old daughter inside a car
while he visited the Diamond Club, according to the Orlando
Sentinel.
Former NFLer Monty Ray Grow allegedly left his 3-year
old daughter in the car, unattended, while he partied at
Diamond Dolls in Clearwater. He was arrested on a child
abuse charge. The child was uninjured.
Strippers do it too! Brittany Roman, 21, allegedly
left her little boy to walk around their hotel lobby while
she danced at the Diamond Club in Orlando.
Edith Aguilar-Cardona and Israel Rangel-Ortiz, both 25,
left their kid in the car for about an hour while they opened
Pandora's Box -- the strip joint -- in Palmetto, WTSP reports.
Brandi Roman (no known relation to Brittany Roman)
allegedly left two children under the age of 6 in her truck,
as well as a can of malt liquor, while she watched strippers
in Tampa.
Edward Condry Jr., of Fort Myers, is accused of leaving
his toddler alone in the car while hanging out at a strip
club in Tampa. At about 2 a.m., a manager at the club heard
crying coming from Condry's car. It was Condry's 1-year-old.
Maybe it's time for late-night daycare centers at strip
clubs in Florida?
Tech Support Pits
From: RonP
Re: Functions of F keys
Hi Webby
still love your Humor Letter and the tech tips.
One question, what are the functions of the "F" keys
I know only the F8 key what do the rest of them do.
Thanks
RonP
Dear Ron
F8 is to get the BIOS menu during start-up
andon some machines, to start in Safe mode.
Once it is started,
F1 is for Help
F2 is for Editing
F5 is for refresh/download up-to-date info
F6 is for the main action of that program.
For example, in MailWasher F6 washes the mail,
dumps the spam and calls your email program.
In your email program, if it is reasonably standard,
F5 will refresh/download.
All other keys are depending on whatever program you
are in.
What they do is not consistent at all.
Even with the F5 and F6, some programs do other stuff.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Protecting Wood When Removing a Nail
Put an old plastic spatula under the head of the hammer
when trying to remove a nail. It protects the wood and
is easy to find in your toolbox.
By ThriftyFun
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Two drunks are walking along. One drunk says to the other,
"What a beautiful night, look at the moon."
The other drunk stops and look at his drunk friend,
"You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."
Both started arguing for a while when they come upon
another drunk walking so they stopped him.
"Sir, could you please help settle our argument?
Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.
Is it the moon or the sun?"
The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at
them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One day a State Trooper was pulling off an expressway near
Chicago. When he turned onto the street at the end of the ramp,
he noticed someone at a chicken place getting into his car.
The driver placed the bucket of chicken on top of his car, got
in and drove off with the bucket still on top of his car.
So the trooper decides to pull him over and perform a
community service by giving the driver his chicken.
So he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the
bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver.
The driver looks at the trooper and says,
"No thanks, I just bought some."
"OK, if you say so!"
Today, September 27, in
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British
over the American Revolutionary War peace terms.
1825 George Stephenson operated the first locomotive that
hauled a passenger train.
1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the
Nationalist Chinese Government.
1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as
aggressors in China.
1939 After 19 days of resistance, Warsaw, Poland,
surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the
Nazis and the Soviet Union during World War II.
1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military
and economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy
and Japan.
1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel.
1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was
barred by France.
1973 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew said he would not
resign after he pled "no contest" to a charge of tax
evasion. He did resign on October 10th.
1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and
Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by
the members of a multinational force due to hundreds of
Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen.
1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buyout Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion.
1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls
in a barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were
the first to ever survive the Horshoe Falls.
1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror"
that Iraq had inflicted upon his country.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all
land-based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range
nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world.
Bush then called on the Soviet Union to do the same.
2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon announced
that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000 spent
nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said that
the weapons were to serve as a deterrent against
increasing U.S. nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear
war in northeast Asia. The U.S. State Department noted
that the U.S. has repeatedly said that the U.S. has no
plans to attack North Korea.
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Thursday, September 26, 2013, 12:09 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 26.
Unless we get some Gullible Warming here, I am going to
have to switch from shorts to long pants for my daily
evening walks. Even though I am fairly tough, an hour
at 2 degres above freezing and a gusting wind, is not
fun. I already had to switch from short sleeved shirt
and vest to wearing my hoodie. Next step will be the
light parka with hood.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not;
but remember that what you now have was once among the things
you only hoped for.
--- Epicurus (341 BC - 270 BC)
He who opens a school door, closes a prison.
--- Victor Hugo
Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a West Virginia
Mountain man was drafted by the Army. On his first day
in boot camp, the Army issued him a comb.
That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued him a tooth brush.
That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth.
On his third day the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army still has him listed as AWOL
(Absent Without Official Leave-permission).
John was driving home late one night when he picked up
a hitchhiker. As they rode along he began to be
suspicious of his passenger. John checked to see if his
wallet was safe in the pocket of his coat that was on the
seat between them, but it wasn't there! So he slammed on
the brakes, ordered the hitchhiker out, and said, "Hand
over the wallet immediately!"
The frightened hitchhiker handed over a billfold, and John
drove off. When he arrived home, he started to tell his
wife about the experience, but she interrupted him, saying,
"Before I forget, John, do you know that you left your wallet
at home this morning?
Best Data Recovery Software
Find lost data on
Hard Drives
PC & Laptops
Removable Drives
Flash Drives
Cameras
Mobile Phones
Memory Cards
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Get Wise Recovery now!
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband
asked his wife if she had bought prmium or regular gas, but
she couldn't remember.
"You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could
account for the engine running so rough."
"No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly.
"Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband probingly.
"It cost the same as always." said the wife.
"I told the man to put in the usual ten dollars worth
to get me home."
Thanks to Frank for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Drivers in Georgia
800 accidents prevented by
Tickets for Texting
Reported by Slashdot
Georgia Cop Issues 800 Tickets
To Drivers Texting At Red Lights
WSB-Television, Atlanta, tells us that Gwinnett County police
officer Jessie Myers has issued more tickets for texting and
driving than any other officer in the state. Officer Myers
said he sees most people typing away on their phones while
waiting at red lights. 'Most people think they're safe there,'
Myers said. However, he said it's still illegal. 'At a red
light, you're still driving, according to the law. You're
on a roadway, behind the wheel of a car, in charge of it,
with a vehicle in drive,' Myers said.
Myers also tickets drivers using navigation apps. One driver
said she was just using her phone's GPS. The law forbids
that and Myers issued her a ticket. "That's right. You can't
use your navigation while driving. Unless it is a GPS-only
device, such as Garmin or Tom Tom, something that is not
used as a communication device,' Myers said."
-------------
People don't text JUST at red lights. It's just easier to
catch them there, with the red-light-camera.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sandie
Re: Screensaver password
Hi Webby!
Can you tell us all how to set up a screen saver password...
I can't seem to find the exact spot to do it... My laptop
sits unattended a lot, and I don't want anyone to access
it while it is not being used.... I am sure a lot of new people
would need this info as well. Keep up the great Humor Letter,
it is the best on line....
Sandie
Dear Sandie
If your "on resume, password protect" box n the screen saver
set-up window shows "on resume, display welcome screen" box,
try this:
1. Log on to the computer as an administrator.
2. Click Start, click Control Panel, and then click User Accounts.
3. Click Change the way users log on or off.
4. Deselect the "Use the Welcome screen" check box, and
5. Deselect "Use Fast User Switching" check box
6. Click OK and exit User Accounts.
You may have to log off and reboot for the change to become
effective.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Clear Nail Polish For Pantyhose Runs
Here's a great tip you can do if you get a run in your
pantyhose! While still wearing them, simply take clear nail
polish and paint over the run and let it dry. This will keep
the run from growing bigger.
Try to carry a clear nail polish in your purse or keep one
in your desk at work for just in case. It's always best if
you can get to it as soon as you notice it before it gets
too big!
By terrijeanjacobo
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
My English professor was stopped for speeding. When asked
why she was driving so fast, she quoted Robert Frost:
"I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep."
"But, Miss," replied the officer, obviously familiar with
the poet, "Frost chose the road less traveled, and,
unfortunately for you, you didn't."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The very frugal business manager was checking on the
travel expenses of his salesmen, when he began to mutter,
then yell.
One of the salesmen worked up his courage and came
over to ask the boss what was wrong.
"Look at this crook's travel expenses," the boss said.
"How could he possibly spend forty dollars a day for
meals in that small town in Ohio?"
"It's easy," explained the salesman cheerfully.
"All you have to do is skip breakfast."
Today, September 26, in
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops
1789 Thomas Jefferson was appointed America's first Secretary of State.
1892 "The King of Marches" was introduced to the general public.
1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison Phonograph
appeared.
1914 The U.S. Federal Trade Commission was established.
1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against the
Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front.
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of Seoul from
the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict.
1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV.
1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV.
1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV.
1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to end the
freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the previous April.
1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA.
1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay inside the
"Biosphere II." The project was intended to develop technology for
future space colonies.
1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II" emerged from
their sealed off environment.
1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space
for 188 days. She set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space.
2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a runoff.
The declared runoff prompted mass protests.
2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11.
2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a
cease-fire and end a year of fighting in the region.
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How to deal with excessive spam
Wednesday, September 25, 2013, 11:32 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 25.
This video will make your day!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Treat all disasters as if they were trivialities
but never treat a triviality as if it were a disaster.
--- Quentin Crisp
"The United States has no choice but to attack Syria because Dictator Bashar al-Assad is killing his own people with chemical weapons. Before, he was just killing them with bullets. But if America cared about shooting people, we'd be invading Chicago."
--- Stephen Colbert
"Syria's President Assad referred to President Obama as weak. Obama is so angry he plans to ask Congress for permission to come up with a good comeback."
--- Conan O'Brien
"I guess we're getting ready to attack Syria. But if we win, in the semifinals we face Iran."
--- David Letterman
"If President Obama really wants to hurt the Syrian government, don’t send cruise missiles. He should send over some of his economic advisers."
--- Jay Leno
>From Roland
Student in Germany
A Saudi prince went to Germany to study.
A month later, he sent a letter to his dad saying, "Berlin
is wonderful, the people are nice, and I really like it
here, but I'm a bit ashamed to arrive to school with my gold
Mercedes when all my teachers travel by train."
Sometime later he received a letter from his dad with a ten
million dollar check saying, "Stop embarrassing us. Go and
get yourself a train too!"
An American tourist in Tel Aviv was about to enter the
impressive Mann Auditorium to take in a concert by the
Israel Philharmonic. He was admiring the unique architecture,
the sweeping lines of the entrance, and the modern decor
throughout the building. Finally he turned to his escort
and asked if the building was named for Thomas Mann, the
world-famous author.
"No," his friend said,
"it's named for Fredric Mann, from Philadelphia."
"Really? I never heard of him. What did he write?"
"A check."
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Bob, an experienced sky diver, was getting ready for a jump
one day when he spotted another man outfitted to dive
wearing dark glasses, carrying a white can and holding a
seeing-eye dog by a leash. Shocked that the blind
man was also going to jump, Bob struck up a conversation,
expressing his admiration for the man's courage. Then,
curious, he asked, "How do you know when the ground is
getting close?"
"Easy," replied the blind man. "The leash goes slack."
Click on the picture for the large version
Yesterday morning at 07:30 from the Webby office
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Angela Martin, 29, Wallingford, CT.
Registered Sex Offender jailed for
Molesting Toddler, Emailing Video
of it to Acquaintance
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Angela Martin, a 29-year-old Connecticut woman, has been
jailed after she allegedly recorded herself molesting a
3-year-old girl.
According to Wallingford Police, Martin molested a
3-year-old girl, recorded the abuse on her cell phone
and then emailed a copy of the video to an acquaintance
in California.
Investigators say Martin, who is also known as Angela
Haussmann, is a registered sex offender who was convicted
of second-degree sexual assault of a minor in December 2006.
The recorded abuse reportedly took place between August and
September of this year, according to an arrest affidavit.
Martin reportedly served 30 months in jail and was required
to register as a sex offender after she was convicted in
2006.
Martin's recent arrest was a result of a joint investigation
conducted by Wallingford Police, the FBI and the Connecticut
Child Exploitation Task Force.
She was booked into jail and charged with producing,
distributing and possessing child pornography. She remains
held without bail pending a next court appearance.
Apparently 30 months in jail were not enough to smarten
her up.
Tech Support Pits
From: Malcolm
Re: Too much spam
Dear Webby,
I can't keep up with my work because of all the spam I get.
And no, I can't change the company email addresses.
How good is that mailwasher that you keep mentioning?
I want your honest opinion of it.
Malcolm
Dear Malcolm
The reason I have the link for Mailwasher is because I
highly recommend it.
It reduces the 4500+ pieces of mail I get every day to the
200 that I need to see and answer. It washes the mail on
the server, without wasting time to download more than the
headers.
It's easy to use and rock solid. Once every hour I hit F5 and
it checks the mail. It downloads the headers and sorts and
color codes the list. I glance over it to check for false
positives, then hit F6. That causes it to dump the spam and
open Eudora for downloading the legitimate mail.
Unfortunately it does not have a feature for nuking the
spammers, but other than that, it has everything a
professinal grade spam control program should have.
If the version of the Humor Letter that you are subscribed
to doesn't have a button to get it, browse to
http://webby.com/mailwasher
http://webby.com/mailwasher
Testdrive the free trial version, and if you like it, buy it
a month later. I have recommended MailWasher for over
a dozen years and have heard only good things about it.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Recycle Event Flowers
Remember that flowers can be recycled, too! After an event,
many a flower arrangement will end up in the trash! So
rescue it, re-cut the flower stems and re-arrange the
flowers at home. Why toss them when they still have life
in them? With pruning and re-arranging the flowers can
often last a week! And having fresh flowers is such a
luxury, isn't it?
By pamphyila from LA, CA
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A man received a phone call one day, and the caller asked
if he had lost a parrot. He said that he had indeed lost
the bird, but wanted to know how the caller located him.
The called said that the bird had landed on his balcony
and kept repeating, "Hi, you have reached 555-1234. I
can't come to the phone right now, please leave a message
at the tone."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Bunny for this:
There once was a woman who woke up one morning,
looked in the mirror, and noticed she had only three hairs
on her head.
"Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today."
So she did and she had a wonderful day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that
she had only two hairs on her head.
"H-m-m, " she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the
middle today."
So she did and she had a grand day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed
that she had only one hair on her head.
"Well," she said, "Today I'm going to wear my hair in a
pony tail."
So she did and she had a fun, fun day.
The next day she woke up, looked in the mirror and
noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head.
"YEAH!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my
hair today!"
Attitude is everything.
Today, September 25, in
1492 The crew of the Pinta, one of Christopher Columbus'
ships, mistakenly thought that they had spotted land.
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his
second voyage to the Western Hemisphere.
1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer
Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama.
He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just
the first European to see the Pacific Ocean.
1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of Rights.
1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by
General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico.
1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S.
National Park in Central California.
1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto
in which the practice of polygamy was renounced.
1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began
operation between Newfoundland and Scotland.
1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students
were escorted to class at Central High School in Little
Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days
earlier because of unruly white mobs.
1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific
Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days.
1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated",
filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that
Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from
the locker room after the game.
1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted
a potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false
alarm after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early
warning system. It was later discovered the alarms had
been set off when the satellite warning system mistakenly
interpreted sunlight reflections off clouds as the
presence of enemy missiles.
1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off
Cape Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around
$400 million.
1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air
embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote.
1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a
worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of
its warring factions.
1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his
biological parents.
1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost
$980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it
reached Mars in August of 1993.
1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the
Independence Party.
2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between
government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted
to take over the government on September 19.
2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.
2013 smiled
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How to copy a screensaver to another machine:
Tuesday, September 24, 2013, 01:04 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 24.
Obama's friend Convicted Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. (D-IL)
is scheduled to receive $8,700 per month in government
disability pay, as well as a partial federal pension
of $45,000. That generous $8,700 in disability comes
thanks to Jackson’s sudden development of a
“mood disorder” as the federal government began
looking to indict him. Jackson, who was sentenced
to 2.5 years in prison, had no history of mental
illness during his prior 17 years in Congress.
Why would they just laugh at me, if I claimed a
"mood disorder". even though I need the money
a few thousand times more urgently than him?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.
--- Thomas Carlyle (1795 - 1881)
Do what you feel in your heart to be right -
for you'll be criticized anyway. You'll be damned if you do,
and damned if you don't.
--- Eleanor Roosevelt (1884 - 1962)
Two men went bear hunting. While one stayed in
the cabin, the other went out looking for a bear.
He soon found a huge bear, shot at it but only
wounded it.
The enraged bear charged toward him, he dropped
his rifle and started running for the cabin as fast as
he could. He ran pretty fast but the bear was just a
little faster and gained on him with every step.
Just as he reached the open cabin door, he tripped
and fell flat. Too close behind to stop, the bear
tripped over him and went rolling into the cabin.
The man jumped up, closed the cabin door and
yelled to his friend inside, "You skin this one while
I go and get another!"
----------------
Actually, that's from Charlie Chaplin's "GoldRush", the
only movie about Canada, that I had seen before
immigrating in 1970.
A concerned husband went to the doctor to talk about his
wife. He said to the doctor, "I think my wife is deaf because
she never hears me the first time and always asks me to
repeat things."
"Well," the doctor replied, "go home tonight, stand about
15 feet from her, and say something. If she doesn't reply,
move 5 feet closer and say it again. Keep doing this until
we get an idea about the severity of her deafness."
The husband went home and did exactly as the doctor had
instructed. He started off 15 feet from his wife in the
kitchen as she was chopping some vegetables.
He said, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
He heard no response. He moved 5 feet closer and asked again.
No reply. He moved 5 feet closer. Still no reply.
He finally got fed up and moved right behind her, about an
inch away, and asked again, "Honey, what's for dinner?"
She replied, "For the fourth time, vegetable stew! You better
get a hearing aid, you deaf old fart!"
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A group of friends went deer hunting and paired off in twos
for the day. That night, one of the hunters returned alone,
staggering under the weight of an eight-point buck.
"Where's Henry?"
"Henry had a stroke of some kind. He's a couple of miles
back up the trail."
"You left Henry laying out there and carried the deer back!?!"
"A tough call," nodded the hunter, "but I figured no one is
going to steal Henry!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Adele Jones, 25, and Tommy Davis, 27, in Delray Beach, Floriduh
Jailed for robbing mentally
challenged man of video game
Reported by The Weekly Vice
A mentally challenged Florida man who had saved up for months
to purchase a copy of "Grand Theft Auto V" was robbed of the
video game as he left a GameStop store this week, police
report.
After buying the game Tuesday afternoon, Rohan Dawkins was
approached in a Delray Beach parking lot by a couple who
pulled up in a car. After asking Dawkins for the time,
Tommy Davis, 27, grabbed the bag containing the best-selling
game, which was released this week.
When Dawkins sought to retrieve the item, Adele Jones, 25,
allegedly kicked and punched the 21-year-old Dawkins,
according to Delray Beach Police Department reports.
After swiping the game, Davis and Jones (seen in the above
mug shots) drove to a second GameStop, where they
unsuccessfully sought to return the game for a refund.
Investigators believe that the couple subsequently sold
the game to a third party.
A police report valued the stolen copy of "Grand Theft
Auto V" at $150, an indication that Dawkins purchased a
GameStop collector’s edition of the game.
Aided by store surveillance footage, Davis and Jones--
parents to four children--were arrested yesterday.
Dawkins identified both suspects when shown photo lineups.
During questioning, an “apologetic” Davis reportedly
confessed to robbing Dawkins, claiming that he “stole
the items because he needed new tires for his car,”
and as a black Obama voter, he felt they were entitled.
Jones admitted that she and Davis went to GameStop
intending to “catch a cracker,” which she said was
slang for robbing a white person, cops reported.
Instead, they robbed Dawkins, whom Davis said
Adele Jones beat up until Davis was able to drive away.
Davis and Jones were booked into the Palm Beach County jail
on felony robbery and dealing in stolen property charges.
They remain jailed in lieu of $5000 bond.
“I wanted to play the game with my sister and my cousins,”
Dawkins (seen below) said yesterday at a police press
conference. “I was buying it for my family and me.”
Police announced last night that today they will present
Dawkins with a donated copy of "Grand Theft Auto V."
Tech Support Pits
From: Sharon
Re: Screensavers
Dear Webby,
I want to thank you again for your daily fun. It really
brightens my day. I have saved many of your tech
questions & answers too.
My question today has to do with screensavers. I have 2 PCs.
One is not hooked to the internet. I mainly use it for an older
card program & some older drawings I have saved. On this pc
I have a screensaver titled "mystery". It is animated. But on
the pc I use most it is not there. Is ther anyway to find either
find the web site for that screensaver or I can send it to a
disk? I really like it for Halloween time.
Thanks again for your newsletter.
Sharon
Dear Sharon
Just do a search for mystery.scr and then copy or mail that
file to the other machine. Put it into the same folder where
most of your .scr files are, and it should be easy to select
that one.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Beer to Prevent Slugs
To get rid of snails or slugs, place a glass or can in a hole
so that the top is level with the ground, fill almost to the
rim with beer and leave overnight. In the morning, dump the
pests on the compost heap.
By duckie-do from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
BRITISH EDUCATION AT ITS FINEST
Following questions and answers were collated from last
year's British GCSE exams(16 year olds)!
Geography
Q: Name the four seasons.
A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made
safe to drink.
A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes
large pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.
Q: How is dew formed?
A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.
Q: What is a planet?
A: A body of earth surrounded by sky.
Sociology
Q: What guarantees may a mortgage company insist on?
A: If you are buying a house, they will insist you are well
endowed.
Q: In a democratic society, how important are elections?
A: Very important. Sex can only happen when a male gets an
election.
Biology
Q: What happens to your body as you age?
A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get
intercontinental.
Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?
A: He says goodbye to his boyhood and looks forward to
his adultery.
Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.
A: Statistics.
Q: What is artificial insemination?
A: When the farmer does it to the bull instead of the cow.
Q: How can you delay milk turning sour?
A: Keep it in the cow.
Q: What is the most common form of birth control?
A: Most people prevent contraception by wearing a
condominium.
Q: Give the meaning of the term *Caesarean Section.-
A: The caesarean section is the red light district in Rome.
Q: What is a terminal illness?
A: When you are sick at the airport
Technology
Q: What is a turbine?
A: Something an Arab wears on his head.
Religious Education
Q: What is a Hindu?
A: It lays eggs.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One fine day, a bus driver went to the bus garage, started
his bus, and drove off along the route. No problems for the
first few stops. A few people got on, a few got off, and
things went generally well. At the next stop, however, a
big hulk of a guy got on. Six feet eight, built like a
wrestler, arms hanging down to the ground. He glared at the
driver and said, "Big John doesn't pay!" and sat down at
the back. Did I mention that the driver was five three,
thin, and basically meek? Naturally, he didn't argue with
Big John, but he wasn't happy about it.
The next day the same thing happened. Big John got on again,
made a big show of refusing to pay, and sat down. And the
next day, and the one after that, and so forth. This grated
on the bus driver, who started losing sleep over the way Big
John was taking advantage of him.
Finally, he could stand it no longer. He signed up for body
building courses, karate, judo, and all that good stuff. By
the end of the summer, he had become quite strong; what's
more, he felt really good about himself. So on the next
Monday, when Big John once again got on the bus and said,
"Big John doesn't pay!,"
The driver stood up, glared back at the passenger, and
screamed "AND WHY NOT?!?!"
With a surprised look on his face, Big John replied,
"Big John has a bus pass."
Today, September 24, in
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after
a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt
to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk.
1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York
when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2
Biplane over Mitchell Field.
1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to
Little Rock, AR, to enforce school integration.
1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was launched.
The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA.
1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities
ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO.
1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton,
and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and
development of nuclear weapons.
2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of
27 suspected terrorists and terrorist groups.
2013 smiled
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Monday, September 23, 2013, 12:26 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 23.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
O Lord, help me to be pure, but not yet.
--- Saint Augustine (354 AD - 430 AD)
No man is justified in doing evil on the ground of expediency.
--- Theodore Roosevelt (1858 - 1919),
A musical director was having a lot of trouble with one
drummer. He talked and talked and talked with the drummer,
but his performance simply didn't improve.
Finally, before the whole orchestra, he said, "When a
musician just can't handle his instrument and doesn't
improve when given help, they take away the instrument,
and give him two sticks, and make him a drummer."
A stage whisper was heard from the percussion section:
"And if he can't handle even that, they take away one of
his sticks and make him a conductor."
A rancher gives his new bride last-minute instructions
before heading to town for supplies, saying, "A vet
will be along this afternoon to inseminate one of the
cows. I've nailed a spike by the right stall so's you
know which one I want him to impregnate."
The wife, who's from back you know where, and dumber
than a stump, thinks this is odd, but nods that she'll do it,
and the husband leaves for town.
The vet arrives later, and the wife leads him out to the
barn and the stallwith the nail.
Pointing to the nail, she tells him "This is the cow right
here."
"What's the spike for?" the vet asks.
"Dunno. I suppose it's for hanging up your pants."
Best Data Recovery Software
Find lost data on
Hard Drives
PC & Laptops
Removable Drives
Flash Drives
Cameras
Mobile Phones
Memory Cards
Easy to use and effective!
Get Wise Recovery now!
In the cafeteria at Kent State University, I saw three
students hard at work on their calculators. Stunned that
they had received such an obviously tough problem so
early in the semester, I asked them what their assignment was.
One girl looked at me and replied, "We're figuring out how
many school days until Christmas break."
Thanks to Danialle for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Andre Antonio Henry, 30, of Brandywine, Montgomery County, DC.
Burglar leaves his court
notice at break-in site
Reported by The Weekly Vice
What is dumber, forgetting the paper work containing your
name in the home you’re burglarizing or bringing them
along in the first place?
Andre Antonio Henry will have about 18 years in jail to
think about that question.
According to police, the 30-year-old brought his court
documents along on one of his break-ins. According to S
ilver Spring Patch, Henry left behind the paperwork
containing his name and a list of charges against him.
Surprise, surprise — they were all burglary related!
The police used the court documents to prove he’d
committed a string of crimes. But that’s not the
only evidence they had against him…
NBC Washington reported that police also had video
of Henry breaking into offices and stealing credit
cards he would later use at stores like Banana Republic.
Seems his thirst for 100% Pima cotton V-neck sweaters
may have been unquenchable!
Montgomery County State’s Attorney John J. McCarthy said,
“Protecting our businesses from serial commercial burglars
is a priority. Our residents and business owners must
feel safe to live, work and operate a business in
Montgomery County.”
Tech Support Pits
From: Mark
Re: Blog
Dear Webby,
Thanks for the blog! It makes it so much easier to look up
previous days when I come back to the office.
Thanks
Mark
For those, who don't know about the blog yet, you can see it at
http://webby.com/humor/blog
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Magnetic Metal Chip
and Shavings Catcher
The DH has been disassembling some old PCs to recycle the
parts. While taking apart a hard drive he came up with a
use for the powerful magnet inside. He needed to drill
through a piece of sheet metal on our new heater ducting
and thought to use the magnet to collect up the bits of
metal at the source rather than clean them up off the floor.
The interesting thing about these magnets is that only one
side is magnetic. The other side is somehow shielded thus
requiring that it be attached to the duct. He simply taped
it to the duct (magnetic side out) with masking tape and
drilled his holes. The magnet collected the shavings neatly,
R Barbara
I use one or two post-it notes bent parallel to the sticky
strip and stuck to the wall, so that the bent part sticks
out like a trough. With two of them arranged in a V they
neatly catch everything even from big holes, and they are
not limited to iron. Gyprock, wood, plaster, glass,
everything gets caught neatly in that trough.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A property manager of single-family residence was showing a
unit to prospective tenants and asking the usual questions.
"Professionally employed?" he asked.
"We're a military family," the wife answered.
"Children?"
"Oh, yes, ages nine and twelve," she answered proudly.
"Animals?"
"Oh, no," she said earnestly. "They're very well behaved."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Two S cottish fellows stopped into an English pub for a
drink. They called the proprietor over and asked him to
settle an argument.
"Are there two pints in a quart or four?" asked one.
"There be two pints in a quart," confirmed the proprietor.
They moved back along the bar and soon the barmaid
asked for their order.
"Two pints please, miss, and the bartender offered
to buy them for us."
The barmaid doubted that her boss would be so generous, so
one of the fellows called out to the proprietor at the other
end of the bar, "You did say two pints, didn't you?"
"That's right," he called back, "two pints."
Today, September 23, in
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in Cambridge,
MA, was held.
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon Homme,
was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers revealing
that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West Point, NY,
to the British.
1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest.
1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the
planet Neptune.
1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released.
1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier.
1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on
the west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast
by CBS-TV from New York.
1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place.
The Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31
cities.
1952 Richard Nixon gave his "Checkers Speech". At the time
he was a candidate for U.S. vice-president.
1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva
Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita."
1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti.
1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America.
1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil
fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force
it from Kuwait.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad triggered
a standoff with authorities in Iraq.
1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord.
1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African government
after a parliamentary vote.
1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia.
The girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall
onto a rocky ledge.
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Sunday, September 22, 2013, 02:25 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 21.
If you like hearing or seeing Rolling Thunder,
check Dianne's link near the bottom!
The Gullible Warming fanatics are getting into a tizzy.
As with all fanatics, facts are irrelevant, all that counts
is saving face and making sure everybody agrees, that they
were right.
OK, so the warming has stopped. If their claim, that their
cars and their AC has caused it, then lets say their efforts
to think about using bicycles instead of ugly doughboy style
cars, has stopped the warming. Good boy! Good girl!
Now the arctic has frozen, and the NorthWest passage will
be closed for the next 20 years.
Pollution and production of CO2 have INcreased, and
knocked over the Bullshit models of the Grant Seeking
wanna-be scientists. It turns out there is no relation
between CO2 and climate. Must be those dang Canucks with
their grain fields the size of European countries, that
gobble up all the CO2 and convert it into wheat!
Just like Carl Sagan at the end of the last Cool ripple
tried to scare the sheeple into believing an ice age was
coming because of their muscle cars, Al Gore tried the same
BS at the end of the warm ripple. By the time his famous
movie was finished and he had bought a Nobel price, the
warm ripple was over. No problem, the gullible sheeple
believed him anyway. Some STILL do!
Well, check the Farmer's Almanac. We are in for a cold
winter, a repetition of the 70's.
And England will probably have another coal shortage,
especially if the Scots succeed in getting a cut on the
natural gas from THEIR waters. Any increase of the gas
price, or the threat of one, will slow the conversion
from coal to gas, and drive up the price of coal. The
smart people will stock up on coal before the price
goes up.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Only sick music makes money today.
--- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844 - 1900)
"Liberty, taking the word in its concrete sense,
consists in the ability to choose."
--- Simone Weil
"The very essence of leadership is that you have to have
vision. You can't blow an uncertain trumpet."
--- Theodore M. Hesburgh
>From SexySassySatin
Attendance call on the first day back at school in Michigan.
The teacher began calling out the names of the pupils:
"Mustafa Al Eih Zeri?" "Here."
"Achmed El Kabul?" "Here."
"Fatima Al Hayek? " "Here."
"Ali Abdul Olmi?" "Here."
"Mohammed Bin Kadir?" "Here."
"Ali Son al Len" Silence in the classroom.
"Ali Son al Len" Continued silence as everyone
looked around the room.
She repeated, "Is this the name of any child here?"
A girl stood and said, "I think that's me, Miss Alibabak.
It's pronounced Alison Allen"
A tiny but dignified old lady was among a group looking at
an art exhibition in a newly opened gallery. Suddenly one
contemporary painting caught her eye.
"What on earth," she inquired of the artist standing nearby,
"is that?"
He smiled condescendingly. "That, my dear lady, is
supposed to be a mother and her child."
"Keep trying," snapped the little old lady,
"you are not even close yet!"
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A man and his wife were celebrating 50 years together.
Their three kids, all extremely successful, agreed to
a Sunday dinner in their honor.
"Happy Anniversary Mom and Dad," gushed son number one ...
"Sorry I'm running late. I had an emergency at the hospital
with a patient, you know how it is, and didn't have time to
get you a gift."
"Not to worry," said the father. "The important thing
is that we're all together today."
Son number two arrived and announced, "You and Mom look
great, Dad. I just flew in from Los Angeles between
depositions and didn't have time to shop for you."
"It's nothing," said the father, "We're glad you were able
to come."
Just then the daughter arrived, "Hello and happy
anniversary! I'm sorry, but my boss is sending me out of
town and I was really busy packing . so I didn't have time
to get you anything."
Again the father said, "I really don't care, at least
the five of us are together today."
After they had finished dessert, the father said,
"There's something your mother and I have wanted to tell you
for a long time. You see, when we were young we were very
poor. Despite this we provided for each of you, we were even
able to send each of you to college. Throughout the years
your mother and I knew that we loved each other very much
but we just never found the time to get married."
The three children uttered one united gasp and said,
"You mean we're bastards?"
"Yes," said the father smiling. "And cheap ones too!"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Amber Fox and her husband Ruben Fox, both 23, in Raeford, NC
Married Couple jailed for
Having Sex With Dogs,
Posting Videos Online
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Amber Fox and her husband Ruben Fox, both 23, were arrested
Monday morning after they allegedly filmed themselves having
sex with dogs and then posted the videos online.
According to police, an investigation was launched earlier
this month when videos began appearing online that depicted
one or both of the suspects having sex with dogs.
Investigators say the videos were made at the couple's home
and then shared through a website. Police raided the home
and seized various recording devices and computer hard
drives that were found inside the residence. Officers also
took two dogs and three cats from the home and placed them
with a local animal shelter.
The couple was booked into jail and charged with crimes
against nature involving bestiality, disseminating obscene
materials and conspiracy.
Amber Fox was additionally charged with soliciting a crime
against nature. Bail has been set at $15,000 each.
Tech Support Pits
From: Betty
Re: W8 classes at Best Buy
Dear Webby,
If you have a Best Buy store around there, you can go for
free instructions even if you did not buy your computer
there.
They have individual sessions for 15 minutes and they have
regular classes almost every day but you have to sign up
for them.
I am forever more stopping in and having them help me with
something.
They are a lot of help.
I think most people have problems with W8, so that is why
they have the free classes
Betty
Dear Betty
That is good to hear!
Best Buy has a terrible reputation as far as cutomer
service is concerned. It is good to hear, that they
decided to turn that around!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Preserve Leaves With Hair Spray
You can preserve colorful autumn leaves easily by spraying
them on both sides with heavy duty hair spray! I did that,
put them on twigs with wire - added nuts and other pods.
I put them in a nice vase found in a thrift shop and made
a lovely Thanksgiving centerpiece/guest gift to bring to
my family's house. Outlay? $2-3 for the vase!
By Pamphyila from L.A., CA
Clear varnish works well too.
If you take some not too dry leaves, lay them onto
soft paper towel or toilet paper, and gently tap them with
a clothes brush, you knock the material between the veins
out, leaving just the network of veins.
Hang them up by the stems a few hours to finish drying,
then spray them with clear varnish.
You can even spray them lightly with a color and
immediately follow with the varnish to get a
candy-apple effect.
Make sure you do NOT use a Latex paint for that!
Both the color and the varnish have to be laquer or
acrylic base. Latex is OK for walls and fences, because
it flows into holes and cracks, but for fine filigree like
the veins of a leaf you don't want that. It would totally
waste your time.
Best to make both the paint and the varnish the same brand,
and make sure they are NOT Latex.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
European Terror Alert Status Update
The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent
bombings and have raised their security level from "Miffed"
to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised
yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross."
Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in
1940 when tea supplies all but ran out.
Terrorists have been re-categorised from "Tiresome" to a
"Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a
"Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the great
fire of 1666.
Also, the French government announced yesterday that it
has raised its terror alert level from "Run" to "Hide."
The only two higher levels in France are "Surrender" and
"Collaborate." The rise was precipitated by a recent fire
that destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively
paralysing the country's military capability.
It's not only the English and French that are on a heightened
level of alert. Italy has increased the alert level from
"Shout loudly and excitedly" to "Elaborate Military Posturing."
Two more levels remain:
"Ineffective Combat Operations" and "Change Sides."
The Germans also increased their alert state from
"Disdainful Arrogance" to "Dress in Uniform and Sing Marching
Songs." They have three higher levels: "Change date of
october Fest", "Invade a Neighbour" and "Lose."
Belgians, on the other hand, are all on holiday as usual,
and the only threat they are worried about is NATO pulling
out of Brussels.
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Emily Sue passed away and Bubba called 911.
The 911 operator told Bubba that she would
send someone out right away.
"Where do you live?" asked the operator.
Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive."
The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?"
There was a long pause and finally Bubba said,
"How 'bout if I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick
her up there?"
Today, September 22, in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.
1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary
Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held
within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863.
1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the
ice cream cone.
1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German submarine
in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were killed.
1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb.
1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted.
1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon.
1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into
a full-scale war.
1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II.
1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific.
1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its
role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina.
1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti.
1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving
the country.
1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time".
He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the
U.S. Senate, who proceded to castrate the US military by
forbidding nuclear tests.
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How to send email to a group list:
Saturday, September 21, 2013, 11:46 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 21.
Twenty years ago today, in 1993, Russian President Boris N.
Yeltsin kicked out the Communist-dominated Congress.
They got one way tickets to Siberia, and Russia got
started on Free Enterprise Capitalism.
Gee, nobody tells you nothing!
Now you will slowly have to stop calling them "Commies",
especially since they are laughing about the commie in
the White House.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
No bird soars too high, if he soars with his own wings.
--- William Blake (1757 - 1827)
A moment's insight is sometimes worth a lifetime's experience.
--- Oliver Wendell Holmes Jr. (1841 - 1935)
A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount
of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor
noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for her, saying,
"We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one."
The next day the collections manager received a phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long.
Thanks to Allan for this story:
It was last Wednesday night, and I was sitting in my room
watching television when the phone rang.
"Hello?" I said.
A girl's voice came over the line. "Can I speak to Ben, please?"
I live by myself, and my name definitely is not Ben. It was probably
a wrong number and I was bored.
I replied, "I'm sorry, he's not in right now. Can I take a message?"
"Do you know what time he'll be back?" she responded.
"I think he said he'd be home around 10:00."
Silence on the other end... a confused silence.
"Is this Steve?"
My name isn't Steve, either. This was definitely a wrong number.
So I replied, "Yes, it is. Do you want to leave a message for Ben?"
"Well... he said he would be home tonight and asked me to call him,"
she said in a slightly irritated voice.
I replied, "Well, he went out with Karen about an hour ago, and said
that he would be back at 10:00."
A shocked voice now: "Who's Karen?!"
"The girl he went out with."
"I know that! I mean... who is she?"
"I don't know her last name. Look, do you want me to leave a
message for Ben?"
"Yes... please do. Tell him to call me when he gets home."
She was sounding pretty irate at this point, and I could hear her
temper flaring. "I sure will. Is this Jennifer?"
She exploded, "Who's Jennifer?"
Apparently she wasn't.
"Well... he's going out with Jennifer at 10:00. I thought you were
her. Sorry... it was an honest mistake."
"Ben's the one that's made the mistake! Tell him that Alice called
him and the she's very upset and that I would like him to call me as
soon as he gets home."
I smiled and said, "Okay, I will... but Becky isn't going to like
this."
*Click.*
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Cameras
Mobile Phones
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Dave was talking to his buddy, John, about his love life.
"So, John, how's it going with the ladies?"
"Women, to me, are nothing but sex objects."
"Really?"
"Yep," John nodded his head,
"Whenever I mention sex, they object."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
Voting works again!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Diana Farnell
Jailed After Having Sex With Student
Reported by The Weekly Vice
Relatively normal compared to other current boneheads,
Diana Farnell, a 28-year-old English teacher at Union
Academy Charter School, was jailed Thursday after she
allegedly had sex with a student.
According to Monroe Police, an investigation was launched
Tuesday after detectives received a tip about an alleged
inappropriate relationship that Farnell was having with
a student.
Police spokesperson, Pete Hovaneck, stated that Farnell
admitted to the charge after detectives gathered "a lot
of information" about the alleged relationship.
Although the student is now 17 years old, reports indicate
that the alleged relationship began earlier in the year
when the student was 16.
After failing to notify parents about the arrest, school
officials were asked by a reporter if they had anything
to say to concerned parents about the arrest. Union
Academy Headmaster, Ann Walters, replied "This is a
personnel issue and I'm not allowed to speak about it."
Farnell was booked into the Union County Jail and charged
with one count of sex offense with a student. She was
released after posting $10,000 bond.
Police say that the investigation is ongoing and that
additional charges will probably be forthcoming.
-------------
I don't give bonehead awards to ALL teachers, who got caught.
That would be too repetitious, however, I am beginning to see
a profile pattern.
English teachers seem to be getting caught messing with
gossippy boys more often than teachers of other subjects.
Are they getting caught because of excessive texting?
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Send to a group list in Eudora
Dear Webby,
Well here I am again not knowing what I am
doing wrong so I will ask you for some help because of
your vast knowledge of computers and programs.
As you know I downloaded Eudora and I have been playing
around with it but I don't know how to send mail to a group of
people at 1 time. I have made a folder with the group but I
still have to click on each name to put it on the email.
Is there a way that I can do that with Eudora?
Your friend always.
Jim
Dear Jim
In the address book ( CTRL L ) make a new book ( ALT W )
and for example call it INLAWS or OUTLAWS.
Then put the addresses into those books.
For sending, you just put INLAWS into the BCC field,
and it will expand and fill them in at send time.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Save Crumbs For Cooking
Instead of throwing away leftover cookie crumbs or leftover
pretzel crumbs, use them for a pie crust. Just substitute
either of them for the graham cracker crumbs called for
in the recipe you use.
Instead of throwing away crumbly muffins or coffee cake,
save the crumbles and freeze. When you have enough, they
can be used to make a nice bread pudding.
By fossil1955 from Cortez, CO
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A Sunday school teacher was instructing her class. Just
before she dismissed them to go to church she asked them,
"Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?"
Little Johnny was quick to blurt out what he was certain
was the correct answer, "Because people are sleeping!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Three pastors from different congregations were having
lunch and sharing experiences and ideas to help each other
out with their different fellowships.
After several minutes of animated conversation, the first
one remarks, "Hey, you know, we've got a serious problem
at our church that I want to discuss with you guys."
The other two pastors nod and he goes on, "Well, it's bats.
We can't seem to get these bats out of our attic. The
singing and organ playing wake them up, and they start
flapping around. Then when I start to preach, we can
still hear them moving around up there and it's really
hard for anyone to pay any attention. The kids start to
cry and, well, it's starting to really get in the way
of a good church service."
The second pastor says "Well that's interesting, because
we've had the same problem, they won't stay out of our
belfry. We've tried ringing the bells at all hours,
spraying chemicals, we've even had a couple of
exterminator companies out. Nothing's worked yet." He
throws up his hands in exasperation and shakes his head.
The third pastor smiles and nods his head knowingly.
"Well, gentlemen. We had that problem a few years ago,
and we found a quick solution." he says. The other two
pastors look up with hope on their faces, and he goes on,
"It was easy. We got up there, got to know 'em a little
bit. Pretty soon we had them come on down, got 'em
baptized and asked them for a donation.
Haven't seen 'em since."
Today, September 21, in
1792 The French National Convention voted to abolish the
monarchy.
1893 Frank Duryea took what is believed to be the first
gasoline- powered automobile after Otto's carriage
for a test drive.
1897 The New York Sun ran the "Yes, Virginia, there is a
Santa Claus" editorial. It was in response to a letter
from 8-year-old Virginia O'Hanlon.
1931 Britain went off the gold standard.
1931 Japanese forces began occupying China's northeast
territory of Manchuria.
1937 J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" was first published.
1949 Communist leaders proclaimed The People's Republic
of China.
1964 Malta gained independence from Britain.
1966 The Soviet probe Zond 5 returned to Earth. The
spacecraft completed the first unmanned round-trip
flight to the moon.
1981 Belize gained full independence from Great Britain.
1982 Amin Gemayel was elected president of Lebanon. He was
the brother of Bashir Gemayel who was the president-elect
when he was assassinated.
1985 North and South Korea opened their borders for their
family reunion program.
1993 Russian President Boris N. Yeltsin announced that he
was ousting the Communist-dominated Congress. The action was
effectively seizing all state power.
1996 The board of all-male Virginia Military Institute voted
to admit women.
1996 John F. Kennedy Jr. married Carolyn Bessette in a
secret ceremony on Cumberland Island, GA.
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Friday, September 20, 2013, 11:12 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 20.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
If some con artist, claiming that you have won a large sum
of money, and that he is from the MINISTRY OF ECONOMY
PROPERTY, don't give him your real address! Use the address
of your mayor or some politician, or make one up.
And make a list of the worst possible insults, and have
them ready to copy/paste to the Nigerian scammer, when he
tells you that in order to receive your winnings, you first
have to pay him.
I wasted some time with one of them, while I was on hold
on the phone to the Government. I clued in to the fact that
he was a Nigerian 419 scammer, when I saw MINISTRY OF
ECONOMY PROPERTY and some wacky grammar. His picture,
looking like a smiling wanna-be politician standing in
front of a flag, looked too phony for me anyway.
So I readied a bunch of really rank insults, and the
moment he mentioned I would have to pay him for sending
the check, I pasted him all those insults,
and then promptly reported him to FaceBook.
"419" is the number/name of the law dealing with scammers
like that. Get a good list of insults ready and practise
copy/paste.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
It is our responsibilities, not ourselves,
that we should take seriously.
--- Peter Ustinov (1921 - 2004)
For months he had been her devoted admirer. Now, at
long last, he had collected sufficient courage to ask
her the most momentous of all questions:
"There are quite a lot of advantages to being a
bachelor," he began, "but there comes a time when one
longs for the companionship of another being--a being
who will regard one as perfect, as an idol, whom one
can treat as one's absolute own, who will be kind and
faithful when times are hard, who will share one's joys
and sorrows."
To his delight he saw a sympathetic gleam in her eyes.
Then she nodded in agreement.
Finally, she responded, "I think its a great idea!
Yes, I can help you choose which puppy to buy!"
Wendy tried to sell her old car. She was having a lot of
problems selling it, because the car had 250,000 miles on it.
One day, she told her problem to Paul her good friend.
Paul told her, "There is a possibility to make the car easier
to sell, but it's not legal."
"That doesn't matter," replied Wendy, "if I only can sell
the car."
"Okay," said Paul. "Here is the address of a friend of mine.
He owns a car repair shop. Tell him I sent you and he will
turn the counter in your car back to 50,000 miles. Then it
should not be a problem to sell your car anymore."
The following weekend, Wendy made the trip to the mechanic.
About one month after that, Paul asked Wendy, "Did you sell
your car?"
"No," replied Wendy, "why should I? It only has
50,000 miles on it."
Best Data Recovery Software
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Hard Drives
PC & Laptops
Removable Drives
Flash Drives
Cameras
Mobile Phones
Memory Cards
Easy to use and effective!
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GROAN ALERT!
Mrs. O'Malley arrived in Boston from Ireland, and in no
time at all her bean soup made her the talk of New England
society. At a party celebrating the sale of her recipe to a
fancy Charles Street restaurant, an old matron approached
Mrs. O'Malley and said, "My dear girl, what is the secret
of your soup?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "The secret o' me soup is that I use
but two-hundred thirty-nine beans to make it."
The woman said, "Why only two-hundred thirty-nine?"
Mrs. O'Malley said, "Because one more would make it
too farty."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Balloons, Chambley, France
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Christopher Jackson, 47 and Josephine Erikson, 61 in
Chandler, Arizona
Christopher Jackson, Man Accused Of
Branding Woman's Vagina, Arrested
On Suspicion Of Bestiality
Reported by The Huff Post
A Chandler, Ariz. man accused of burning his initials onto
the genitals of at least one woman was arrested again on
Monday, after sheriff's deputies allegedly found pornographic
videos featuring a dog at his home.
Christopher Jackson, 47, was arrested on suspicion of
bestiality after police found the home movies while executing
a search on his home in connection with the branding case,
according to the Arizona Republic.
“If you saw the video, you’d be pretty sick,” Maricopa County
Sheriff Joe Arpaio said, according to the newspaper.
“We weren’t expecting this.”
Police also arrested 61-year-old Josephine Erikson, who they
say is seen in the videos participating in sex acts involving
Jackson's male German Shepard. Jackson and another woman,
whom authorities are still searching for, also appear in the
bestiality porn.
Detectives removed the dog from Jackson's home and are
currently taking care of it, according to ABC Phoenix.
Both Jackson and Erikson are in jail on bestiality charges.
Jackson was arrested Sept. 3 after police claim he drugged
his girlfriend and branded his initials, "CJ" onto her
vaginal area.
The woman awoke in severe pain in Jackson's bed. She told
police that Jackson bragged that he'd done the same thing
to other women in the past and explained he did it because
"her vagina was his," according to court documents obtained
by the Phoenix New Times.
Police recovered a butane torch and branding tool from
Jackson's home in a search, CBS reported earlier this month.
Tech Support Pits
From: Sheila
Re: W8
Dear Webby,
I have the unfortunate luck of having Windows 8. THere are
so many "tricks" to do anything on all the OS's, but how
can one learn short cuts. I know alt ctrl delete, and
ctrl P and that's about it. Is there a web page? Is it
trial and error? It's like I'm driving a Cadillac but
pushing it every where I go because I don't know all
the perks in operating it.
Thanks for any help
Punk
Dear Sheila
I am not using W8 and don't know of any books about it.
Try asking whoever conned you into buying a W8 machine,
or get your money back and buy a W7 machine.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Shoe Polish To Repair Damaged Leather
We just had the dreaded nail polish remover stain on
leather scenario, and the shoe polish tip has worked a treat.
It's a brown leather sofa and I just worked some brown wax
shoe polish into the stains, let it dry, then buffed it up.
The stains weren't too bad and one application does seem to
have done the trick. Happy days :)
By Jon B.
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The new Librarian decided that instead of
checking out children's books by writing
the names of borrowers on the book cards
herself, she would have the youngsters
sign their own names. She would then
tell them they were signing a "Contract"
for returning the books on time.
Her first customer was a second grader,
who looked surprised to see a new Librarian.
He brought four books to the desk and shoved
them across to the Librarian, giving her his
name as he did so.
The Librarian pushed the books back and
told him to sign them out. The boy laboriously
printed his name on each book card and then
handed them to her with a look of utter disgust.
Before the Librarian could even start her
speech he said, scornfully, "That other
Librarian we had, could write."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
The shipwrecked mariner had spent several years on a deserted
island. Then one morning he was thrilled to see a ship off-
shore and a smaller vessel pulling out toward him.
When the boat grounded on the beach, the officer in charge
handed the marooned sailor a bundle of newspapers and told
him, "The captain said to read through these and let us know
if you still want to be rescued."
Today, September 20, in
1519 Portuguese navigator Ferdinand Magellan left Spain
to find a route to the Spice Islands of Indonesia. Magellan
was killed during the trip, but one of his ships eventually
made the journey.
1870 The Papal States came under the control of Italian
troops, leading to the unification of Italy.
1963 U.S. President John F. Kennedy proposed a joint
U.S.-Soviet expedition to the moon in a speech to the
U.N. General Assembly.
1977 The first of the "boat people" arrived in San Francisco
from Southeast Asia under a new U.S. resettlement program.
1982 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the
U.S., France, and Italy were going to send peacekeeping
troops back to Beirut.
1991 U.N. weapons inspectors left for Iraq in a renewed
search for Iraqi weapons of mass destruction.
1995 The U.S. House of Representatives voted to drop the
national speed limit. This allowed the states to decide
their own speed limits.
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How to get the TaskManager without a mouse?
Thursday, September 19, 2013, 10:27 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 19.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
How much more grievous are the consequences of anger
than the causes of it.
--- Marcus Aurelius
A myth is a religion in which no one any longer believes.
--- James Feibleman
"Al Gore told the United Nations that cigarette smoking is
a significant contributor to global warming. To be fair,
you have to blame us, the non-smokers. We're the ones that
made them go outside, right?"
--- Jay Leno
>From Roland:
After being at sea in the Persian Gulf for 90 straight days,
I went to the squadron command master chief to complain.
"Chief, I joined the Navy to see the world," I said, "but
for the past three months all I've seen is water."
"Lieutenant," he replied, "three-quarters of the earth is
covered with water, and the Navy has been showing you that.
If you wanted to see the other quarter, you should have
joined the Army."
My mother-in-law just ran me over!"
the shaken man told the police officer.
"The car hit you from behind," the officer said.
"How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?"
The man said, "I recognized the laugh!"
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The drunk was brought into night court, having been picked
up on suspicion of being the notorious night prowler.
"What were you doing out at 3 A.M.?" the judge sternly
queried.
"I was going to a lecture."
"A lecture at 3 A.M.?" The judge was scornful.
"Oh, sure," said the drunk. "Sometimes my wife stays up
longer than that just to lecture me."
Click on the picture for the large version
Marmolada, Italy
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Steven Grady Fillingim, 40,Pensacola, Floriduh
Jailed for Hitting Girl To Beat
Of "Blurred Lines"
Reported by The Smoking Gun
Florida man arrested for child abuse struck his underage
female victim with a metal rod to the beat of “Blurred
Lines,” the hit song by Robin Thicke, according to a
police report.
Investigators arrived Sunday night at the Pensacola home
of Steven Grady Fillingim, 40, in response to a child abuse complaint. The victim told Escambia County Sheriff’s Office
deputies that Fillingim beat her for being lazy and
cutting school last Thursday.
While the victim’s name has been redacted from a sheriff’s
office report, she appears to be Fillingim’s daughter.
The girl told investigators that Fillingim had struck her
in the face with a belt and his hands. She also detailed
other harsh punishments, including being forced to shovel
dirt for 90 minutes before being allowed to go to bed at
1:30 AM.
On the day she skipped school, the girl told deputies,
Fillingim beat her on the legs with a 30-inch metal
rod known as a “switch.” During the videotaped assault,
which lasted 40 minutes, Fillingim “played the Robin
Thicke song ‘Blurred Lines,’ striking her with the switch
to the beat of the music,” according to an unsettling
Escambia County Sheriff’s Office report.
Investigators obtained the video shot by Fillingim, who
shared the recording with his girlfriend Lisa Coleman via
text. As described by deputies, the clip, titled
“She’s Home”, shows someone being struck with a switch
on the upper thigh.
While the subject’s face is not seen in the video, a
sheriff’s deputy noted that bruising on the teen victim’s
legs were consistent with the kind of thigh strikes
caught on tape.
Coleman told investigators that she had seen Fillingim
strike the girl and force her to hold a weight for
extended periods of time. The woman added that she has
broken up with Fillingim.
Seen in the above mug shot, Fillingim is jailed without
bond on the felony child abuse charge. He is scheduled
for a September 25 Circuit Court hearing.
Sheriff’s deputies notified child welfare officials
about the incident, and placed the victim in her
mother’s custody.
Tech Support Pits
From: Frank
Re: Task Manager
Dear Webby,
How do I get the Task Manager in Windows 7, when Windows
locks up and won't let me use the mouse?
Thanks
Frank
Dear Frank
CTRL SHIFT ESC
It takes a few seconds, but eventually it will show.
You can then use the UP / Down arrows to move the
highlight, and ALT E to End a program.
The nice part about the task manager, ever since Windows 95
in 1995, it has remembered which way you used it last.
While you test the CTRL SHIFT ESC, set it to the second tab:
Processes
There you see which processes use the most memory. Sort them
with largest on top.
Next time you open it, it will open in the same mode.
Also look at what the top 10 are. When there is a problem,
check to see if something else butted into the top 10.
That is likely a trouble-maker.
ALT E and it is gone.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Use Soda Tab Tops to Hang Items
An inexpensive way to hang items up that are not in a frame
like sea shells, ceramics, or really anything for that matter,
is to use a soda or beer tab top. Just attach it either by
super glue or E-6000 for heavier items. I have done this
for years. I always get asked "How did you get that to hang
up like that?"
By xintexas from San Antonio, TX
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son.
"Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!"
"But why, Mom? I don't want to go."
"Give me two reasons why you don't want to go."
"Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!"
"Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get
ready."
"Give me two reasons why I *should* go to school."
"Well, for one, you're 52 years old.
And for another, you're the PRINCIPAL!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A very nervous man, accompanied by his
nagging wife, was examined by a doctor.
After checking the chart, he nodded and
wrote the man a prescription for a powerful
tranquilizer.
The man asked, "How often do I take these."
"Let's start off with once every six hours. But
they're not for you." replied the doctor. "They're
for your wife."
Today, September 19, in
1356 The Battle of Poitiers was fought between England and
France. Edward "the Black Prince" captured France's
King John.
1777 The Battle of Saratoga was won by American soldiers
during the Revolutionary War.
1819 John Keats wrote "Ode to Autumn."
1876 Melville R. Bissell patented the carpet sweeper.
1893 In New Zealand, the Electoral Act 1893 was consented
to giving all women in New Zealand the right to vote.
1955 Argentina President Juan Peron was ousted after a
revolt by the army and navy.
1957 The U.S. conducted its first underground nuclear test.
The test took place in the Nevada desert.
1959 Nikita Khruschev was not allowed to visit Disneyland
due to security reasons. Khrushchev reacted angrily.
1960 Cuban leader Fidel Castro, in New York to visit the
United Nations, checked out of the Shelburne Hotel
angrily after a dispute with the management.
1983 Lebanese army units defending Souk el-Gharb were
supported in their effort by two U.S. Navy ships off Beirut.
1988 Israel successfully launched the Horizon-I test satellite.
1990 Iraq began confiscating foreign assets of countries
that were imposing sanctions against the Iraqi government.
1992 The U.N. Security Council recommended suspending
Yugoslavia due to its role in the Bosnian civil war.
1994 U.S. troops entered Haiti peacefully to enforce the
return of exiled President Jean-Bertrand Aristide.
1995 The commander of American forces in Japan and the
U.S. ambassador apologized for the rape of a schoolgirl
committed by three U.S. servicemen.
1996 The government of Guatemala and leftist rebels signed
a peace treaty to end their long war.
2002 In Ivory Coast, around 750 rebel soldiers attempted
to overthrow the government. U.S. troops landed on September
25th to help move foreigners, including Americans,
to safer areas.
2003 It was reported that "AOL Time Warner" was going to
drop "AOL" from its name and be known as "Time Warner Inc."
AOL had bought Time Warner on January 10, 2000, but was no
match for the East Coast style management experts of
Time Warner.
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IM-Toolpack to store scren shots on the cloud
Wednesday, September 18, 2013, 02:29 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Wednesday, September 18.
Thanks Ed!
Thanks Joseph!
Thanks Mildred!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
The most dangerous strategy is to jump a chasm in two leaps.
--- Benjamin Disraeli (1804 - 1881)
Two brooms were hanging in the closet and after a
while they got to know each other so well, they
decided to get married.
One broom was, of course, the bride broom and the
other the groom broom. The bride broom looked very
beautiful in her white dress. The groom broom was
handsome and suave in his tuxedo. The wedding was
lovely.
After the wedding at the wedding dinner, the bride
broom leaned over and said to the groom broom "I
think I am going to have a little whisk broom!!!"
"IMPOSSIBLE!!" said the groom broom. "We haven't
even swept together!"
After a round of golf, 4 elderly ladies sat around the
club house chatting.
Seeing the ladies, the Pro approached them and asked:
"How did your game go?"
The first said she had a good round...making the comment
that she actually had 25 riders.
The Pro was a bit perplexed not knowing what a "Rider" was.
The second lady then quickly chimed in and said that she
had a very good round as well with 16 riders.
The third lady then said that her round was average and
that she only had 10 riders.
The fourth lady admitted that she played the worst
round of the day and that she only had 2 riders all
day long.
The Pro was completely confused not knowing what the term
"rider" meant. But, because he didn't want to look dumb,
he made a quick polite remark, wished the ladies well
and then left.
He then approached the bartender and asked "Hey, can you
tell me what these ladies are talking about when they
refer to "riders"?"
The bar tender simply smiled and said:
"A 'rider' is when you have hit a shot long enough to take
a ride on a golf cart."
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Cameras
Mobile Phones
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Sitting in the bar George asked his 40-year-old buddy Johnny,
"How come you aren't married?"
Johnny: "I haven't found the right woman yet."
George: "So what are you looking for?"
Johnny: "Oh she's got to be real pretty, - a good cook and house-
keeper, and she's got to know how to handle money, a really nice
and pleasant personality is a must -and money, she's got to have
money...and a home, a nice big house, is what she has to have."
George: "A woman like that would be crazy to marry YOU."
Johnny: "Oh, it's okay if she is crazy."
Thanks to Cookie for this picture:
Click on the picture for the large version
Rain in Colorado
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please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Mark Cruz, 28, of Wimauma, Floriduh
Jailed for shooting himself
Reported by Arca Max
A Florida felon is in trouble again after the handgun he
allegedly possessed in violation of the law discharged by
mistake and shot him in the leg, police said.
Mark Cruz, 28, of Wimauma, Fla., was carrying a .22-caliber
pistol that fell out of his pocket and went off when it hit
the ground, striking Cruz in the leg, the Hillsborough
County Sheriff's Office said. Cruz turned up at an area
hospital where he was uncooperative with police investigating
the incident, the South Florida Sun Sentinel said Friday.
Cruz refused to say where the gun was -- telling police he
threw it in an undisclosed lake. Cruz was charged with being
a felon in possession of a firearm, carrying a concealed
firearm and destroying physical evidence.
He is now out on bail again.
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: IM-Toolpack
Dear Webby,
I wrote to you in the last couple of days about screenshots
and how to take them, and save them. The info you sent to
me was great and appreciated.
But this mornings paper had a letter from Kathy G. detailing
a program called IM Toolpack for taking and saving screenshots.
I downloaded the program and for someone who is just starting
to learn the ins and out of computing without formal training
it was so easy to use . could you please pass my thanks to
Kathy G for me Webby....have a great week everyone!
Randall
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Simple Green to Clean Thermos
Both the Clorox Bleach company Customer Service and Oxiclean
Customer Service say not to use their products to clean a
stainless steel thermos. Why? Using products that contain
bleach can cause damage to the metal. I contacted the company
that makes "Simple Green" and was told that their product
will not damage a stainless steel thermos.
Here is the email response from Simple Green:
Simple Green All Purpose Cleaner is safe and effective for
cleaning the inside of a stainless steel thermos. The product
can be used at about a 1:10 dilution ratio. To insure that
there is no residue remaining, rinse thoroughly with clean water.
Customer Service and Business Support Manager
Sunshine Makers, Inc./ Simple Green
15922 Pacific Coast Highway
Huntington Beach, CA 92649
562-795-6091
I was able to purchase Simple Green at Ace Hardware. It is
likely that it is available at other hardware supply stores.
And yes, it does work.
By janebirk
As those of you, who read this column, probably noticed,
I have recommended Simple Green hundreds of times in the last
twenty years.
In the 80's, when I was an apprentice Electromechanic a cute
young lady came by and demonstrated Simple Green. It worked
very well for cleaning grimy, greasy electrical motors, and
then she showed us, that it was not toxic, by spraying it
on her palm, and with a tongue, that would make Miley Cyrus
envious, licked it off her palm.
John, my Journeyman, instantly fell in love with her, and
asked her out for dinner.
I don't know if anything came of that, but we got five
5 Gallon pails of Simple Green, and never ran out of it as
long as I worked there.
I have used Simple Green for everything from engines to
keyboards, from glass stove-tops to floors.
On shiny vinyl floors I mist a 6 square foot area with
Simple Green with one hand, and damp-mop it with a heavy
string mop with the other hand. Most of you will probably
have to use both hands on the mop, but you will get the
same clean shine.
Simple Green is concentrated. You put a few inches of it into
a trigger sprayer, top it off with water, and just mist it
onto what you want to clean. Works great on greasy hands too!
If there is no Ace hardware nearby, you can get Simple Green
at Home Depot or Walmart
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Everybody on earth dies and goes to heaven.
(Don't ask why or how, it just happens...)
God comes and says, "I want the men to make two lines.
One line for the men that dominated their women on earth
and the other line for the men that were dominated by their
women. Also, I want all the women to go with St. Peter."
With that said and done, the next time God looked, the women
are gone and there are two lines. The line of the men that
were dominated by their women was 100 miles long, and in the
line of men that dominated their women, there was only one man.
God got mad and said, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves.
I created you in my image and you were all whipped by your mates.
Look at the only one of my sons that stood up and made me proud.
Learn from him! Tell them my son, how did you manage to be the
only one in this line?"
The man replied, "I don't know, my wife told me to stand here."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Murphy and his wife went for a stroll in the park. They sit
down on a bench to rest for awhile. Soon they overhear
voices coming from a secluded spot nearby. Suddenly, Mrs.
Murphy realizes that a young man is about to propose. Not
wanting to be eavesdropping during such an intimate moment,
she gently nudges her husband and whispers, "Whistle, to
let that young couple know that someone can hear them."
To which Murphy replies, "Whistle? Why should I whistle?
Nobody whistled to warn me!"
Today, September 18, in
1759 The French formally surrendered Quebec to the British.
The Quebecois have never forgiven the English for that.
1763 It was reported, by the Boston Gazette, that the first
piano had been built in the United States. The instrument
was named the spinet and was made by John Harris.
1789 Alexander Hamilton negotiated and secured the first
loan for the United States. The Temporary Loan of 1789
was repaid on June 8, 1790 at the sum of $191,608.81.
1810 Chile declared its independence from Spain.
1830 The "Tom Thumb", the first locomotive built in America,
raced a horse on a nine-mile course. The horse won when
the locomotive had some mechanical difficulties.
1850 The Fugitive Slave Act was declared by the U.S. Congress.
The act allowed slave owners to claim slaves that had
escaped into other states.
1891 Harriet Maxwell Converse became the first white woman
to ever be named chief of an Indian tribe. The tribe was
the Six Nations Tribe at Towanda Reservation in New York.
1895 Daniel David Palmer gave the first chiropractic adjustment.
1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush said that he would send
warplanes to escort U.N. helicopters, that were searching for
hidden Iraqi weapons, if it became necessary.
1994 Haiti's military leaders agreed to depart on October 15th.
This action averted a U.S.-led invasion to force them
out of power.
1998 The FDA approved a once-a-day easier-to-swallow medication
for AIDS patients.
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Tuesday, September 17, 2013, 09:33 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 17.
Even though the big Media in the US tried to hush up
the "2 million Bikers to DC on 9/11" run, the European
news reported the event. Here is an example:
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
I'm not a vegetarian because I love animals.
I'm a vegetarian because I hate plants.
--- A. Whitney Brown
Here's to woman! Would that we could fall into her arms
without falling into her hands.
--- Ambrose Bierce
Consience is what makes a boy tell his mother
before his sister does.
--- Evan Esar
"I'm in favor of liberalized immigration because of the
effect it would have on restaurants. I'd let just about
everybody in,
except the English."
--- Calvin Tillin
Jim strolls into the paint section of a hardware store and
walks up to the assistant. "I'd like a pint of canary-colored
paint," he says.
"Certainly," says the clerk. "Mind if I ask why you need it?"
"My parakeet," says Jim. "See, I want to enter him in a
canary contest. He sings so sweetly that I know he's sure to
win."
"Well, you can't do that!" the assistant says. "The chemicals
in the paint will almost certainly kill the poor thing!"
"No, they won't," Jim replies.
"Listen, Buddy, I'll bet you ten bucks your parakeet dies if
you try to paint him."
"You're on!" says Jim.
Two days later Jim comes back looking very sheepish and puts
ten dollars on the counter in front of the clerk.
"So the paint killed your bird?"
"Indirectly," Jim says. "He seemed to handle the paint okay,
but he didn't survive the sanding between coats."
Ed told me his buddy came in late one day because
his car lock had become frozen. The guy defrosted it by
holding the key in a candle flame to get it hot enough to just
"slide" through the ice. The guy said, "That worked so well
I've got a bunch of candles in the glove box in case it happens
again."
Ed said, "How will you get them out?"
Discover The Secrets To Building a
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using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
The District Attorney stared at the jury, unable to
believe its verdict.
Bitterly he asked, "What possible excuse could you
have for acquitting this man?"
The foreman answered, "Insanity."
The D.A. said, "All twelve of you?"
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
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Ethiopian Opal
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Brittani French, 25, Louisville, Kentucky
Jailed for Hiding Dopey Metal
Breath Mint Box Inside Vagina
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Brittani French, a 25-year-old Kentucky woman, was booked
into jail on a minor shoplifting charge when officers found
something that peaked their interest a little more.
According to police, officers were processing French into
the prison when a body scan device revealed a square metal
object located inside French's genital area.
Female correction officers performed a strip search and
removed a metal breath mint box from her vagina. Inside the
breath mint box were four baggies that allegedly contain
methamphetamine residue. Also inside the box were four
more baggies and a green straw.
French allegedly confirmed to police that the residue on
the baggies was methamphetamine. She also told police that
she hid the box inside her vagina because she didn't, want
"to get into any more trouble."
She was booked into Louisville Metro Corrections and
charged with promoting contraband, trafficking in a
controlled substance and tampering with evidence.
Tech Support Pits
From: Kathy
Re: IM-Toolpack
Dear Webby,
I don't know if a member of your awesome group is supposed
to write in regards to advice that you have given so just
tell me if not.
I have a program downloaded called IM Tool Pack and I just
love it because of its ease of use. Just had to chime in.
Bye for now
Kathy G
Dear Kathy
Thanks for a very handy program!
I checked it out and it seems to be a handy tool.
Here is the info I found there:
IM ToolPack is an application that allows you to easily
capture screenshots with IM ToolPack and upload them to
the Web for free! You can crop, highlight, draw on or even
add text directly onto the screenshot. Share your
screenshots with friends through instant messaging and
webmail, or post them on social networks, forums, blogs
and websites. You can manage stored screenshots and share
them by copying and pasting tiny URLS wherever you want.
IM-ToolPack is at http://snipurl.com/27tohui
and is free.
What sets IM-Toolpack apart from other programs is that you
can upload your screenshots, and then simply send the URL
in email or via Skype or FB. You won't be cluttering up YOUR
computer with screenshots. They will all be up in the cloud.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
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Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Keep Washing Machines Free
of Detergent Build-up
Hello, I live in Australia. We use litre measurements here.
Turn machine on, fill with warm water (full load level)
and add a bit more than 1/2 gallon of the cheapest vinegar
available. Let the machine finish its cycle. I sometimes
move back the timer to wash again.
Do this twice a year. It takes out soap scum build up and
also disinfects and deodorises interior. Go ahead as usual
with your next wash.
By gethelena
That is especially important with front loading machines,
that get closed when not in use. Smelly bacteria like
breeding in those. The vinegar gets rid of them. You don't
even need the warm water. Just vinegar alone is good enough.
It gets splashed into all the places, where soap scum
and bacteria accumulate.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An Irishman walks into a bar and asks for two beers.
He then pulls a small green-skinned man out of his pocket
and puts him on the counter. As he's drinking one drink and
the green man is drinking the other, an Englishman down the
bar who has had a few too many drinks says, "Hey Paddy!,
what's that little green thing you've got down there?"
The little green man runs down the bar and gives the
Englishman a raspberry, "SPLBLBLBLT!," right in the face
and then runs back to the Irishman. The Englishman mops
himself off and says to the Irishman, "Hey Paddy!, what
is that thing, anyway?"
The Irishman replies, "Have some respect. He's a
leprechaun."
"A leprechaun!" says the Englishman laughing, "Boy, I never
knew leprechauns were so ugly!"
The leprechaun runs down the bar and gives the Englishman a
raspberry again- SPLBLBLBLBT! This time the Englishman is
really mad! "Tell that leprechaun that if he does that again
I'll cut his pecker off!" he shouts.
"You can't do that" says the Irishman. "Leprechauns don't
have peckers."
"How do they pee, then?" asks the Englishman.
"They don't," says the Irishman. "They go SPLBLBLBLBT!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
An old farmer had owned a large farm for several years.
He had a large pond in the back, fixed up nicely.
One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond
as he hadn't been there for a while to look it over. As he
neared the pond, he heard voices shouting and laughing
with glee. As he came closer he saw it was a bunch of
young women skinny dipping in his pond.
He made the women aware of his presence and they all
went to the deep end of the pond.
One of the women shouted to him, "We're not
coming out until you leave!"
The old man replied, "I didn't come down here to
watch you ladies swim or make you get out of
the pond.
I only came to feed my alligator."
Today, September 17, in
1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that
expelled all Jews from France.
1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native
American tribe, the Delaware Nation.
1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was
signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention.
1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American
Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or
missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to
both armies.
1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler
1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started.
It took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to
Pasadena, CA.
1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam,
began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV.
1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached
276.27 mph over a half mile.
1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated.
1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded the
previously German part of Poland on September 1.
1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of
Neil A. Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts.
1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV.
1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA.
1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of
Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted.
1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the
Iran-Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years.
1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being
taken over by China in 1997.
1998 The United States government offered a reward for the
capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the bombing of the
US embassy in Kenya on August 7, 1998.
2013 smiled
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How to make a screen shot
Monday, September 16, 2013, 09:55 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Monday, September 16.
It looks like more and more people are realizing, that
good ol Dear Webby was right after all, when he called the
Gullible Warming scarempngering a bunch of BS.
Here is the DailyMail UK
Those Gullible Warming predictions "now appear gravely flawed."
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Obamite Logic:
Obama tells us not to judge all Muslims by the
actions of a few lunatics.
But....
Obama tells us to judge all gun owners by the
actions of a few lunatics,
except when they are Muslims.
--- D. A. Funk
A father noticed that his son was spending way too much time
playing computer games.
In an effort to motivate the boy into focusing more attention
on his schoolwork, the father said to his son, "When Abe
Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light
of the fireplace."
The son replied, "Dad, when Lincoln was your age, he was
The President of The United States!!!"
Todd and Jill had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and
were having their first fight, and it was a big one.
No matter what Todd tried to say or do, Jill refused to
compromise, or even listen. He started growing
exasperated.
After a while, Todd said "When we got married, you
promised to love, honor and obey."
Jill replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an
argument in front of all those people at the wedding."
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
>From Edna
Recently moved to a new city, I was eager to meet people.
So one day I struck up a conversation with the only other
woman in the gym. Pointing to two men playing racquetball
in a nearby court, I said to her, "There's my husband."
Then I added, "The thin one--not the fat one."
After a slightly uncomfortable silence she replied, "And
that's my husband - the fat one."
From the SUN-Metro
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Robin Erwin, 31, Sauk Village, South Chicago, Illinois
Jailed for Stabbing Son In Heart
During Argument Over Ice Cream
Reported by the Weekly Vice
-Robin Erwin, a 31-year-old south Chicago woman, was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly stabbed her teen son to death
during an argument over ice cream.
According to police, Erwin and her son were arguing about
ice cream that morning when Erwin stabbed her son directly
in the heart.
The victim, 17-year-old Diontae Erwin, was rushed to a
local hospital where he was pronounced dead at 12:41 p.m..
Dionte Erwin's death has been ruled a homicide shortly after
medical examiners concluded that Erwin died of a fatal stab
wound to the heart.
After the alleged stabbing, Robin Erwin reportedly called
911 and told them that her son walked into her knife.
Officers took her into custody when they arrived on the
scene.
She was booked into jail and charged with first-degree murder.
She remains held in lieu of $750,000.
As police processed the scene, they came into contact with
21-year-old Larry Gray who has been charged with unlawful
use of a weapon by a felon and violating parole.
Apparently it was his knife.
Tech Support Pits
From: Randall
Re: How do I take screen shots?
Dear Webby,
Good Sunday morning to you. Hope this finds you in good
spirits and heatlth. My question this time is about taking
screenshots of different items on my laptop. I am totally
lost as how to do this and knew you would have the knowledge
I am looking for. I am a devoted reader of your paper for
years and read it with my first cup of Joe in the morning
while it is still quiet around our house.
Again thanks for the great knowledge that you pass along
each and every day with your paper.
Randall
Dear Randall
The easiest way to make screen shots is to first open a
program to receive the screen shot. That can be a graphics
program or a word processor or email or even a spreadsheet.
Then jump to the program, where you want to capture the
screen.
Hold down ALT and hit the PrintScreen key.
ALT TAB back to the receiver program.
CTRL V to paste the screen shot.
Usually it is best to paste the shot into a graphics
program, so that you can crop it and show just the
important parts, without frame and borders.
Then you can copy the trimmed, and probably resized
picture, and paste it into whatever you want.
For email you usually have to resize it down quite a bit.
Screenshots tend to be too large for comfort.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Repurpose Food Boxes
as Christmas Packages
It's September and time to start thinking about Christmas.
I try to have all my purchases done before November 1.
I also save old boxes to wrap in gift paper to make my
wrapping experience as stress free as possible by having
them ready now. Using colored duct tape to finish the
edges also adds to the festive mood. These boxes can be
used over and over again.
By lnygaard
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
A church was looking for a new minister, and the selection
committee finally recommended a young man just out of the
seminary. Many older church members protested that a more
experienced man would have been preferable.
Committee members retaliated with the argument that a younger
minister might breathe fresh life into the congregation. At the
end of the meeting, I commented to an older man that this marked
the beginning of better things for our church.
"Yes," he said with a wry smile. "Moving on to greener pastors."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
This is the transcript of an ACTUAL radio conversation of a
US naval ship with Canadian authorities off the coast of
Newfoundland in October, 1965.
Americans: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the North
to avoid a collision.
Canadians: Recommend you divert YOUR course 15 degrees to
the South to avoid a collision.
Americans: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again,
divert YOUR course.
Canadians: No. I say again, you divert YOUR course.
Americans: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN, THE
SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES' ATLANTIC FLEET.
WE ARE ACCOMPANIED BY THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS
AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS. I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE
YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH, THAT'S ONE FIVE DEGREES NORTH,
OR COUNTER-MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE
SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.
Canadians: We are a lighthouse, on a big rock. Your call.
Today, September 16, in
1400 Owain Glyndwr was proclaimed Prince of Wales after
rebelling against English rule. He was the last Welsh-born
Prince of Wales.
1620 The Mayflower departed from Plymouth, England. The ship
arrived at Provincetown, MA, on November 21st and then at
Plymouth, MA, on December 26th. There were 102 passengers.
1630 The village of Shawmut changed its name to Boston.
1810 The Mexicans began a revolt against Spanish rule.
Miguel Hidalgo y Costilla, a Catholic priest of Spanish
descent, declared Mexico's independence from Spain in the
small town of Dolores.
1893 The "Cherokee Strip" in Oklahoma was swarmed by
hundreds of thousands of settlers.
1908 General Motors was founded by William Crapo "Billy"
Durant. The company was formed by merging the Buick and
Olds car companies.
1940 U.S. President Roosevelt signed into law the Selective
Training and Service Act, which set up the first peacetime
military draft in U.S. history.
1974 U.S. President Ford announced a conditional amnesty
program for draft-evaders and deserters during the Vietnam War.
1976 The Episcopal Church formally approved women to be ordained
as priests and bishops.
1982 In west Beirut, the massacre of hundreds of Palestinian
men, women and children began in refugee camps of the
Lebanese Christian militiamen.
1987 The Montreal Protocol was signed by 24 countries in an
effort to save the Earth's ozone layer by reducing emissions
of harmful chemicals by the year 2000. The Ozone scare has
since then been found to be false.
1990 An eight-minute videotape of an address by U.S. President
George H.W. Bush was shown on Iraqi television. The message
warned that action of Saddam Hussein could plunge them into
a war "against the world."
1994 Exxon Corporation was ordered by federal jury to pay
$5 billion in punitive damages to the people harmed by the
1989 Exxon Valdez spill.
1994 Two astronauts from the space shuttle Discovery went on
the first untethered spacewalk in 10 years.
1998 Universal paid $9 million for the rights to the
Dr. Seuss classics "How the Grinch Stole Christmas" and
"Oh, the Places You'll Go."
2013 smiled
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Sunday, September 15, 2013, 10:26 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Sunday, September 15.
>From Nana Rina
Thank you for your tribute to the Bikers who rode in
Washington, DC on 9/11...I did cry while watching it.
It brought back a lot of memories to me. I live so
close to DC and wanted to ride but I am an old soldier,
hippie, biker, cop, secretary, mother, and grandmother
now, and couldn't make it there for health reasons but
my heart was with them on the ride. Thank you for your
wonderful newsletter.
Hugs,
Nanny
Tribute to the bikers
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Talk low, talk slow, and don't talk too much.
--- John Wayne (1907 - 1979),
Australian jokes tend to be long and wordy, but usually
well worth the long build-up.
>From Sheila in Oz
A guy spent five years traveling all around the world making
a documentary on Native dances. At the end of this time, he
had every single native dance of every indigenous culture
in the world on film -- or so he thought. He wound up in
Australia, in Alice Springs, so he popped into a pub for a
well earned beer.
He got talking to one of the local Aborigines and told him
about his project. The Aborigine asked the guy what he
thought of the Butcher Dance.
"Butcher Dance?" he said, confused. "What's that?"
"What? You didn't see the Butcher Dance?"
"No, I've never heard of it."
"Mate, you're crazy," the Aborigine replied. "How can you
say you filmed every native dance if you haven't seen the
Butcher Dance?"
"Umm. I got a Corroborree on film just the other week. Is
that what you mean?"
"No, no. The Butcher Dance is much more important than the
Corroborree."
"Oh," the man said, his curiosity piqued. "Well how can I see
this Butcher Dance then?"
"Mate, the Butcher Dance is way out in the wilderness. It'll
take you many days of travel to go see it."
"Look, I've been everywhere from the forests of the Amazon,
to deepest darkest Africa, to the frozen wastes of the Arctic
filming these dances. Nothing will prevent me from recording
this one last dance."
"Ok, mate," the Aborigine replied, shrugging. "You drive
north along the highway towards Darwin. After you drive 197
miles, you'll see a dirt track veer off to left. Follow the
dirt track for 126 miles till you see big huge dead gum tree
-- the biggest tree you've ever seen. Here you gotta leave
car, because it's much too rough for driving. You strike out
due west into the setting sun.
Walk three days till you hit a creek. You follow this creek
to the northwest. After two days you'll find where the creek
flows out of some rocky mountains, but it's much too difficult
to cross the mountains there, though. So you head south for
half day until you see a pass through mountains. The pass is
very difficult and very dangerous. It'll take you two, maybe
three days to get through it.
On the other side, head northwest for four days until you reach
a big huge rock -- twenty feet high and shaped like a man's
head.
From the rock, walk due west for two days, and then you'll find
the village. You'll be able to see the Butcher Dance there."
So the guy grabbed his camera crew and equipment and headed out.
After a couple of hours, he found the dirt track. The track was in
a shocking state, and he was forced to crawl along at a snail's
pace, and so he didn't reach the tree until dusk, where he was
forced to set up camp for the night.
He set out bright and early the following morning. His spirits
were high, and he was excited about the prospect of capturing
on film this mysterious dance that he had never heard mention
of before. True to the directions he had been given, he
reached the creek after three days and followed it for another
two, until he reached the rocky mountains.
The merciless sun was starting to take its toll, and the spirits
of both himself and his crew were starting to flag; but wearily
they trudged on, finally finding the pass through the mountains.
Nothing would prevent him from completing his life's dream.
The mountains proved to be every bit as treacherous as their guide
had said, and at times they despaired of ever getting their bulky
equipment through. But after three and a half days of back breaking
effort, they finally forced their way clear and continued their
long trek.
When they reached the huge rock, four days later, their water was
running low, and their feet were covered with blisters, but they
steeled themselves and headed out on the last leg of their journey.
Two days later they virtually staggered into the village. To their
relief, the natives welcomed them and fed them and gave them fresh
water, and they began to feel like new men. Once he recovered
enough, the guy went before the village chief and told him that he
came to film their Butcher Dance.
"Oh mate," he said. "Very bad you come today. Butcher Dance last
night. You too late. You miss dance."
"Well, when do you hold the next dance?"
"Not till next year."
"Well, I've come all this way. Couldn't you just hold an
extra dance for me tonight?"
"No, no, no!" the chief exclaimed. "Butcher Dance very holy.
Only hold once a year. You want see Butcher Dance, you come
back next year."
Understandably, the guy was devastated, but he had no other
option but to head back to civilization and back home.
The following year, he headed back to Australia and, determined
not to miss out again, set out a week earlier than before.
He was quite willing to spend a week in the village before
the dance is performed in order to ensure he was present to witness it.
But right from the start, things went wrong. Heavy rains that year
turned the dirt track to mud, and the car got bogged down every
few miles. Finally they had to abandon their vehicles and slog
through the mud on foot almost half the distance to the tree.
They reached the creek and the mountains without any further
problems, but halfway through the mountain pass, they were
struck by a fierce storm that raged for several days, during
which they were forced to cling forlornly to the mountainside
until it subsided.
Then, before they had traveled a mile out from the mountains,
one of the crew sprained his ankle badly, slowing down the
rest of their journey greatly. Eventually, having lost all
sense of how long they had been traveling, they staggered
into the village right at noon.
"The Butcher Dance!" the man gasped. "Please don't tell me
I'm too late to see it!"
The chief recognized him and said, "No, white fella.
Butcher Dance performed tonight. You come just in time."
Relieved beyond measure, the crew spent the rest of the
afternoon setting up their equipment and preparing to capture
the night's ritual on celluloid. As dusk fell, the natives
started to cover their bodies in white paint and adorn
themselves in all manner of birds' feathers and animal skins.
Once darkness had settled fully over the land, the natives
formed a circle around a huge roaring fire. A deathly hush
descended over performers and spectators alike as a wizened
old figure with elaborate swirling designs covering
his entire body entered the circle and began to chant.
"What's he doing?" the man whispered to the chief.
"Hush," the chief whispered back. "You first white man ever
to see most sacred of our rituals. Must remain silent.
Holy man, he asks that the spirits of the dream world watch
as we demonstrate our devotion to them through our dance,
and, if they like our dancing, will they be so gracious
as to watch over us and protect us for another year."
The chanting of the holy man reached a stunning crescendo
before he removed himself from the circle. The rhythmic
pounding of drums boomed out across the land, and the
natives began to sway to the stirring rhythm. The guy
became caught up in the fervor of the moment himself.
This was it.
He realized beyond all doubt that his wait had not been
in vain. He was about to witness the ultimate
performance of rhythm and movement ever conceived
by mankind.
The chief strode to his position in the circle and, in a
big booming voice, started to sing:
"You butch yer right arm in.
You butch yer right arm out.
You butch yer right arm in,
and you shake it all about...."
Mrs. Hunter was called to serve for jury duty, but asked
to be excused because she didn't believe in capital
punishment and didn't want her personal thoughts to
prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the
public defender liked her thoughtfulness, and tried to
convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the
jury.
"Madam," he explained, "This is not a murder trial! It's a
simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against
her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he
had promised to use to remodel the kitchen for her
birthday."
"Well, okay," agreed Mrs. Hunter, "I'll serve. I guess I
could be wrong about capital punishment after all!"
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
A cop saw Liz down on her knees under a streetlight.
"Can I help you?" he asked.
Replied Liz, "I dropped my keys and I'm looking for
them."
After a glance around, the cop asked: "Are you sure you
droped them right here?"
"No," responded Liz, "I dropped them down in that
alley, but it's way too dark to find anything down there."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Robin Campbell, 20, Maitland, Floriduh
Jailed for Walking Dog While Naked
and dopey.
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Robin Campbell, a 20-year-old Florida man, has been jailed
after he was allegedly found walking his dog in the nude.
According to police, officers were called to the scene when
neighbors were assaulted by the the sight of Campbell walking
his dog without a stitch of clothing on.
When officers asked Campbell where his clothes were, he
replied that he was walking "In God's house" and therefore
should not be required to wear clothing.
God could not be immediately reached for comment on what
the house rules were, so police ordered him to cover up.
When Campbell refused, officers attempted to take him
into custody, however, Campbell resisted arrest.
That's when officers demonstrated to Campbell how effective
a Taser devise was when applied directly to the skin.
Campbell later stated that he had consumed mushrooms before
threatening to kill the officer.
He was booked into jail and charged with battery, resisting
arrest and exposing his body (public nudity).
Tech Support Pits
From: Jim
Re: Keyboard Shortcuts
Dear Webby,
Good day to you, still loving your info and humor.
Is there a site with all of the shortcuts listed?
ones like Ctrl/a Ctrl/ c?
Just wondering and thanks. jh
Hi Jim
Once upon a time, long, long ago, when there was still an
empty space on top of the keyboards, I made a strip, that
you could print out and lay onto that space.
It is still at http://webby.com/key-codes.html
The goofy symbol you see in the bottom row, that used to
produce the Windows key on Windows 95.
If there is enough demand, I'll translate the strip to
Winows7.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning Eye Glasses
To remove hairspray and greasy perspiration, I use rubbing
alcohol. It cleans the lenses really well and it can be
used on either plastic or glass lenses.
Source: I received this top from my eye doctor.
By Ginger from Decatur, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Four older ladies are sitting around playing bridge. The
first lady says," You know girls, I have known you all a
long time and there is something I must get off my chest. I
am a Kleptomaniac. But, don't worry, I have never stolen
from you and I never will; we have been friends for too
long."
The second lady says, "Well, since we are having true
confessions here, I must get something off my chest too. I
am a Nymphomaniac. But don't worry, I have not hit on your
husbands. They don't interest me and never will; we have
been friends for too long."
"Well," says the third lady, "I, too, must confess
something. I am a Lesbian. But do not worry, I will not hit
on you. You are not my type. We have been friends too long
for me to ruin our friendship."
The fourth lady stands up, says, "I have a confession to
make also. I am an uncontrollable gossip, and I have some
phone calls to make!
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
>From Tina
My dad, an auto mechanic, received a repair order that read:
"Check for clunking sound when going around corners."
Taking the car out for a test drive, he made a right turn,
and a moment later he heard a clunk. He then made a left
turn and again heard a clunk.
Back at the shop, he opened the car's trunk, and soon
discovered the problem. He returned the repair order to
the service manager with this notation:
"Removed bowling ball from trunk".
Today, September 15, in
1776 - British forces occupied New York City during the American
Revolution.
1821 - Costa Rica, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua and
El Salvador proclaimed independence.
1857 - Timothy Alder earned a patent for the typesetting machine.
1858 - The first mail service begins to the Pacific Coast of
the U.S. under government contract. Coaches from the
Butterfield Overland Mail Company took 12 days to make the
journey between Tipton, MO and San Francisco, CA.
1909 - Charles F. Kettering applied for a patent on his
ignition system. His company Delco (Dayton Engineering
Laboratories Company) later became a subsidiary of
General Motors.
1916 - During the Battle of the Somme, in France, tanks
were first used in warfare when the British rolled them
onto the battlefields.
1917 - Alexander Kerensky proclaimed Russia to be a republic.
1923 - Oklahoma was placed under martial law by Gov. John
Calloway Walton due to terrorist activity by the
Ku Klux Klan. After this declaration national newspapers
began to expose the Klan and its criminal activities.
1928 - Canadian Alexander Fleming discovered the antibiotic
penicillin in the mold Penicillium notatum.
1935 - The Nuremberg Laws were enacted by Nazi Germany.
The act stripped all German Jews of their civil rights
and the swastika was made the official symbol of
Nazi Germany.
1940 - The German Luftwaffe suffered the loss of 185 planes
in the Battle of Britain. This caused Hitler to abandon
his plans for invading Britain. Britain's losses were much
higher, but Hitler did not know that.
1950 - U.N. forces landed at Inchon, Korea in an attempt to
relieve South Korean forces and recapture Seoul.
1959 - Soviet Premier Nikita Khrushchev arrived in the U.S.
to begin a 13-day visit.
1961 - The U.S. resumed underground testing of nuclear weapons.
1971 - Greenpeace was founded.
1978 - Muhammad Ali defeated Leon Spinks to win his 3rd
World Heavyweight Boxing title.
1990 - France announced that it would send an additional
4,000 soldiers to the Persian Gulf. They also expelled Iraqi
military attaches in Paris.
1993 - The FBI announced a new national campaign concerning
the crime of carjacking.
1994 - U.S. President Clinton told Haiti's military leaders
"Your time is up. Leave now or we will force you from power."
1998 - Ayatollah Ali Khamenei ordered the Iranian military
to be on full alert and massed troops on its border
with Afghanistan.
1998 - It was announced that 5.9 million people read The
Starr Report on the Internet. 606,000 people read the White
House defense of U.S. President Clinton.
1999 - The United Nations approved the deployment of a
multinational peacekeeping force in East Timor.
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Saturday, September 14, 2013, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Saturday, September 14.
A nice tribute to the bikers who showed,
that there are some patriots left.
Tribute to the bikers
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
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What can you say about a society that says that
God is dead and Elvis is alive?
--- Irv Kupcinet
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your
soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.
--- George Carlin
Jill was selling tickets at the movie house when she got a
phone call. This woman said, "How much is a ticket?"
Jill said, "Eight dollars per seat."
She asked, "How much for children?"
Jill said, "Same price, Eight dollars per seat."
She said, "The airlines charge half fare for children."
Jill said, "Fine. Put the kids on a plane,
and you come to the movie. You'll enjoy it a lot more
that way."
The editor of a small country newspaper, furious over several
government bills that had recently been passed, printed a
scathing editorial with an enormous headline: "HALF THE
LEGISLATORS ARE CROOKS"'.
Many local Politicians were outraged and exerted
tremendous pressure on him to print a retraction. He finally
gave in to the pressure and ran his apology with the headline:
"HALF THE LEGISLATORS SAY THEY ARE NOT CROOKS".
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
>From Sheila in Oz
Bill watched through the window as his young daughter played
in the first snow of the season and made a snowman with a
little friend.
Entertained by the sight, he went closer and heard the little
boy say:
"I've got an idea. To finish it off, I'll go to the kitchen and
find a carrot."
And his daughter replied, "Make it two. The second can
be his nose."
From the SUN-Metro
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Jordan Linn Graham, 22, Helena, Montana
Jailed for pushing new
hubby off cliff
Jordan Linn Graham, a 22-year-old Montana woman, has been
jailed after she allegedly pushed her husband off a cliff
just a week after they had been married.
According to the Federal Bureau of Investigation, an
investigation was launched on July 8 after Graham's
husband, 25-year-old Cody Johnson, failed to show up
for work.
When investigators interviewed Graham (pictured left),
she stated that her husband had gone hiking with friends
on July 7, but never returned.
The next day, however, Graham miraculously found her
husband's body, which was obscured by the canyon walls
and foliage of Glacier National Park. Although park
officials thought it strange that Graham was able
to locate the body in such an obscure place, Graham
explained that it was a place her "husband wanted
to see before he died."
As the investigation continued, however, text messages
from Graham to various friends revealed that she was
not happy with her one week old marriage.
Investigators say Graham texted a friend on the same
day Johnson was pushed to his death and stated that
she was having second thoughts about getting married
and intended to talk to Johnson about it.
Five days after Johnson's deceased body had been
recovered, Graham confessed to investigators that
she was responsible for his death.
Graham told investigators that she intended to talk
to her husband about their marriage, so the two of
them took a walk on Loop Trail which is known for
its hairpin turns and cliff-edged pathways.
It was along that trail that the couple began to
argue as Graham broached the topic of their marriage.
At some point during the argument, Graham reportedly
smacked Johnson's hands away and then used both hands
to push him face-first off the walkway's ledge. She
then reportedly returned home, leaving his broken body
on the rocks below.
At the conclusion of a two-month investigation, Graham
has been charged with second-degree murder. Bond has
not yet been announced in the case.
Tech Support Pits
From: Peggy
Re: Unsuccessful updates
Dear Webby,
I keep getting the same updates over and over. I install
them, but they keep coming back although it says they
have been installed successfully....what’s going on!
I hope you have some insights,
Thanks
Peggie
Dear Peggie
That sounds like you got a fairly popular virus.
Run a reputable anti-malware scan like McAfee.
That should stop that nonsense.
That virus pretends to give you a link to Microsoft,
but it just downloads new instructions from
North Korea or Iran or wherever the virus controller
happens to be today.
Once you have installed a good malware protection, it will
not allow a re-infection, even if you again go to the
same site, where you picked up that virus before.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Cleaning A Smooth Top Stove Surface
I've owned a smoothtop stove for some six years or so and
I've made many attempts at cleaning up my "muck ups".
For average problems, there are many solutions out
there. But for those very bad mistakes there are very few -
if any - good solutions. I've tried almost everything.
The scraping is tedious and doesn't always (or very seldom)
works.
First try baking soda with a little water. It's cheap and
abrasive but doesn't scratch. Cleaners like Barkeeper's
Friend are abrasive but have about the same effect as
baking soda. Glass cleaner is good for mild problems,
just let it soak.
I'm gonna try the oven cleaner but be careful. I've been
to different web sites and they have no comments on it's effectiveness.
Glasstops - a solution or a problem? Are you perfect?
Then they are a solution. You aren't perfect? - then
they are no better than a regular electric stove.
By Snorp
I bought a glass top stove a dozen years ago, and find
it is a hundred times easier than the open burner type.
Yeah, I know, people who check their email while they cook,
buy burner liners in 100 packs, often. And they still
have a messy stove top.
To clean a glass top, use a 4" paint scraper, that looks
like a putty knife, but is stiffer and does NOT have a thin,
sharp tip. The tip is about 1/16" thick and has sharp edges.
Those sharp 90 degree edges do the work and stay sharp.
Scrape the glass until the scraper glides smoothly.
Spray some "Simple Green" or any other effective THIN cleaner
on it. Not a thick dish soap!
Let it soak five minutes, then use regular steel wool to
scour areas, that are not shiny yet. Don't worry, the glass
is harder than steel wool.
Wipe with a wet sponge.
If there are spots, that are still not shiny, sprinkle
Comet onto the wet glass and let it soak.
Don't use the Comet before you have done the other steps.
It works best, when there is as little as possible of
baked on hard stuff.
I do it my way about twice a year, and the glass top
is still shiny after a dozen years of an untamed bachelor
pretending to know how to cook.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
An atheist complained to a friend, "Christians have their
special holidays, such as Christmas and Easter; and
Jews celebrate their holidays, such as Passover and Yom
Kippur; Muslims have their holidays. EVERY religion has
its holidays. But we atheists," he said, "have no recognized
national holidays. It's an unfair discrimination."
His friend replied, "Well... you got April first!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Ole and Lena lived on a lake in Northern Minnesota. It was
late fall and the lake had just frozen over.
Lena asked Ole if he would walk across the frozen lake to
the general store to pick up a dozen eggs.
He asked for some money, but she told hhim to put it on
their tab.
So he walked across, got the eggs and walked back.
Then he asked Lena why she didn't send him with any money.
She said, "I vasn't goin' to send any money ven I vasn't
sure how tick de ice vas."
Today, September 14, in
891 Stephen V ends his reign as Catholic Pope
1716 1st lighthouse in US lit (Boston Harbor)
1752 England & colonies adopt Gregorian calendar, 11 days
disappear
1812 Napoleon occupies Moscow
1812 Moscow was set on fire by Russians after Napoleon
Bonaparte's troops invaded.
1814 Francis Scott Key wrote the "Star-Spangled Banner,"
a poem originally known as "Defense of Fort McHenry,"
after witnessing the British bombardment of Fort McHenry,
MD, during the War of 1812. The song became the official U.S. national anthem on March 3, 1931.
1847 U.S. forces took control of Mexico City under the
leadership of General Winfield Scott.
1866 George K. Anderson patented the typewriter ribbon.
1901 U.S. President William McKinley died of gunshot wounds
inflicted by an assassin. Vice President Theodore Roosevelt,
at age 42, succeeded him.
1915 Carl G. Muench received a patent for Insulit, the
first sound-absorbing material to be used in buildings.
1938 The VS-300 made its first flight. The craft was based
on the helicopter technology patented by Igor Sikorsky.
1940 The Selective Service Act was passed by the U.S.
Congress providing the first peacetime draft in the US
1959 Luna II, a Soviet space probe, became the first
man-made object on the moon when it landed on the surface.
1960 The Organization of the Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) was founded. The core members were Iran, Iraq,
Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, and Venezuela.
1972 "The Waltons" premiered on CBS-TV.
1978 "Mork & Mindy" premiered on ABC-TV.
1983 The U.S. House of Representatives voted 416-0 in a
resolution condemning the Soviet Union for the shooting
down of a Korean jet on September 1.
1984 Joe Kittinger became the first person to fly a
balloon solo across the Atlantic Ocean.
1998 Israel announced that they had successfully tested
its Arrow-2 missile defense system.
2001 The FBI released the names of the 19 suspected hijackers
that had taken part in the September 11 terror attacks
on the U.S.
2013 smiled
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Problem with newsletters on Hotmail
Friday, September 13, 2013, 01:34 PM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Friday, September 13.
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!
>From Carole
We watched every news station but not one mention of the
bikers. We watched it on face book. They were beyond great!!!
Webby, you are the greatest.
Granny
Dear Carole
The fact that some papers and some TV stations ignored the
fact of the 2 Million patriotic Bikers ride to DC shows you,
who the patriots are, and who followed orders of Anti-American
owners.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
What can you say about a society that says that
God is dead and Elvis is alive?
--- Irv Kupcinet
It is impossible to enjoy idling thoroughly unless one has
plenty of work to do.
--- Jerome K. Jerome
Liam had left Dublin to go up to Belfast for a bit of
skydiving, Late Sunday evening he was found in tree by
a farmer.
"What happened?" said the farmer.
Liam replied, that his parachute failed to open,
"Well," said the farmer, "if you had of asked the locals
before you jumped, they would have told you nothing opens
here on a Sunday."
Thanks to Phil for these requests from his tenants:
"The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until
it is cleared."
"I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfired and
burnt my knob off."
"This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the
man next door."
"The toilet seat is cracked. Where do I stand?"
"I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from
the wall."
"I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen."
"The person next door has a large erection in his backyard,
which is unsightly and dangerous."
"Will you please send someone to repair our cracked sidewalk?
Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant."
"Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and
would like to have a third, so will you please send someone
to do something about it."
"Could you please send someone to fix the faucet in our
bathtub? My wife got her toe stuck in it and it is very
uncomfortable for us."
"I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every
morning at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting
to be too much."
"When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's
new drawers and made a real mess. Please send men with
clean tools to finish the job and keep my wife happy."
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
One day a mime is visiting the zoo and attempts to
earn some money as a street performer. As soon as he
starts to draw a crowd, the zoo keeper grabs him and
drags him into his office.
The zoo keeper explains to the mime that the zoo's most
popular attraction, a gorilla, died suddenly and the
keeper fears that attendance at the zoo will fall off.
He offers the mime a job to dress up as the gorilla
until they can get another one. The mime accepts.
So the next morning before the crowd arrives the mime
puts on the gorilla suit and enters the cage. He
discovers that it's a great job. He can sleep all he
wants, play and make fun of people and he draws larger
crowds than he ever did as a mime on the street.
However, eventually the crowd tires of him and he tires
of just swinging on auto tires. He notices that the
people are paying more attention to the lion in the
next cage. Not wanting to lose the attention of his
audience, he climbs to the top of his cage, crawls
across a partition, and dangles from the top of the
lion's cage. Of course, this makes the lion furious,
but the crowd loves it. At the end of the day the zoo
keeper comes and gives the mime a raise for being such
a good attraction.
Well, this goes on for some time, the mime keeps
taunting the lion, the crowd grows larger, and his
salary keeps going up.
Then one day when he is dangling over the top of the
lion's cage, he slips and falls. The mime is terrified.
The lion raises himself up and prepares to pounce. The
mime is so scared that he begins to run around the cage
with the lion in hot pursuit.
Finally, the mime starts screaming and yelling, "Help!
Help me!"
The lion is quick and pounces. The mime soon finds
himself flat on his back looking up at the angry lion.
The lion says, "Shut up, you idiot or we'll both lose
our jobs!"
Thanks to Lillemor for this picture of her Christmas Cactus
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Shirley Whicker, 24, King, North Carolina
Jailed After Molesting 4-Year-Old Boy
Shirley Whicker, a 24-year-old North Carolina woman has been
jailed after she allegedly molested a 4-year-old relative.
According to King police, Whicker was charged on Tuesday in
response to an ongoing investigation that involves a
4-year-old boy that is known to her.
Investigators have released few details in the case because
of the nature of the relationship between Whicker and the
victim.
She was booked into the Stokes County Jail and charged with
two counts each of first-degree sex offense with a child,
child abuse through a sexual act and taking indecent
liberties with a child. She is now free on $100,000 bond.
Tech Support Pits
From: Helen
Re: Problem with Hotmail
Dear Webby,
this is the only copy of humor letter I,ve gotten
this week.Can you please tell me why I,m not getting them
every day like i used to.I,ve written several times before but
haven,t gotten any answers from you. I really miss the
humor letter. It's the bright spot on my day.
Thank you very much
Helen
Dear Helen
I thought Hotmail was going to get shut down in September?
You are not the only hoe mail victim.
Do you want a referral for gmail ?
It is currently the most reliable amongst the free emails.
You can get a Gmail account free even without a referral.
Just go to https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Weighted Flowers for Graveside Displays
I needed to add flowers at the cemetery to the vases on
each side of the monument. They needed to be weighted
down so they wouldn't blow away. So I solved this problem
by using some old keys and attached them with wire to
the base of the flowers. Problem solved.
By fancy61
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Thanks to Sheila for this story from Down-Under:
All I wanted to do was advertise my lawnmower for sale.
You'd think that would be quite straightforward.
But noooooo, not with The Australian.
"Can I take your ad?" the cheerful typist answered when
I called the hotline.
"Ah, yes, I want to sell my lawnmower," I said.
"In the Wanted to Sell section? Certainly, sir. What do
you want to say?" she said. fingers obviously ready at
her keyboard.
"Um, what about "Lawnmower for sale, and then my phone
number?" I said. I sensed her apprehension and I heard
no typing.
"Too much information?" I asked.
"No, er, sir...actually, you need probably a few more details
to attract prospective buyers," she said. "Concentrate on
some of the selling points"
"Like what?" I asked.
"Well, sir, perhaps you could say what kind of a lawnmower
it is."
"It's an orange one, or at least it was when I bought it
nine years ago. You can still see some bits of orange though
between the caked-up dry grass."
"No, I'm not sure the color, or even the color it used to
be, is all that relevant," she said. "How about telling me
what make of lawnmower it is?"
"I dunno," I said. "There use to be a model number on the
side. I know they don't make them anymore. It's probably
still there under all the dried crud, but I can't see it."
"Um, let's see," she said. "Maybe you can tell me if it is a
two-stroke or a four-stroke engine. Prospective buyers
probably would want to know that.
"It's neither," I said. "It used to be electric."
"Used to be? How do you man sir?" she asked.
"I think the engine is shot," I said. "All it does now is go
rrrrrrrrrr and blows one of the house fuses."
"Oh, that doesn't sound very good," she said.
"I know," I said. "I took it to the repair shop, and they
said it would cost just as much to fix it as to buy a new
one. Thast's why I want to sell it."
"I see," she said. "Perhaps a handyman will buy it and
do it up more cheaply than the repair shop can."
"Yeah, that;s what I reckoned," I said. "I just hope they
can fix the wheels too though."
"The wheels?" the typist said. "What's wrong with the
wheels?"
"Nothing," I said. "They're nearly as good as the day I
bought the lawnmower. Good tires and they go round
and round and round, no worries."
"But you said you hoped the buyer could fix them?" she said.
"Yeah well, they keep falling off, that's all," I said.
"They're good wheels though. If someone fixed them on really
tight, they go round and round and round, no worries. Unless
of course, the engine is burnt out. The the wheels just seem
to sit there doing bugger-all as the lawnmower goes rrrrrrrrr
and blows a house fuse. That's not the end of the world though,
unless you don't happen to twig what's happening and
great-uncle Isaac, whose head you are cryogenically storing
in the freezer, begins to thaw out.
Could be worse though. The lawnmower engine could suddenly
start, unexpectedly, roar into life and you could accidentally run
over the power cord and electrocute yourself and short the power
circuit at the same time.
Then your wife would really have some mess to clean up."
"I see," said the typist. "And....er....how much do you want to ask
for it?"
"As much as I can get, or the nearest offer," I said. How
much will this ad cost me? I better factor that in."
"Ten dollars a line," she said.
"So, what do you reckon I should say in the ad?" I asked,
hoping to get some expert advice.
"Oh dear, let's see," she said. She coughed. It sounded
a bit like a surpressed laughter. "How about just...
"Lawnmower for sale"
and your phone number?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
Are church bulletin board bloopers intentional, to start
at least SOME form of communication?
Sometimes I wonder.
Sermon Outline:
I. Delineate your fear
II. Disown your fear
III. Displace your rear
Next Friday we will be serving hot gods for lunch. If you
would like to make a donation, fill out a form, enclose a
check and drip in the collection basket.
Nov. 11: An evening of boweling at Lincoln Country Club.
Women's Luncheon:
Each member bring a sandwich. Polly Phillips will give the
medication.
Karen's beautiful solo: "It is Well With My Solo."
Congratulations to Tim and Ronda on the birth of their
daughter October 12 thru 17.
If you choose to heave during the Postlude, please do
so quietly.
We are grateful for the help of those who cleaned up
the grounds around the church building and the rector.
Hymn: "I Love Thee My Ford."
Sign-up sheet for anyone wishing to be water baptized
on the table in the foyer.
Newsletters are not being sent to absentees because
of their weight.
Helpers are needed! Please sign up on the
information sheep.
The Advent Retreat will be held in the lover level of
St. Mary's Cathedral.
The District Duperintendent will be meeting with the
church boared.
As soon as the weather clears up, the men will have
a goof outing.
Fifth Sinday is Lent. Thank you, dead friends.
Diana and Don request your presents at their wedding.
Lent is a period for preparing for Holy Weed and Easter.
Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget all His benefits.
For the word of God is quick and powerful...piercing
even to the dividing asunder of soup and spirit.
Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peach to men.
Bring one dozen coolies wrapped for Christmas.
The lovers in the exhaust fan are not working.
Head Deacon and Dead Deaconess
Today, September 13, in
1759 - The French were defeated by the British on the Plains
of Abraham in the final French and Indian War.
1789 - The United States Government took out its first loan.
1898 - Hannibal Williston Goodwin patented celluloid
photographic film, which is used to make movies.
1922 - In El Azizia, Libya, the highest shade temperature
was recorded at 136.4 degrees Fahrenheit.
1943 - Chiang Kai-shek became the president of China.
1959 - The Soviet Union's Luna 2 became the first space probe
to reach the moon. It was launched the day before.
1960 - The U.S. Federal Communications Commission banned payola.
1971 - In New York, National Guardsmen stormed the Attica
Correctional Facility and put an end to the four-day revolt.
A total of 43 people were killed in the final assault.
1977 - The first American diesel automobiles were
introduced by General Motors.
1981 - U.S. Secretary of State Alexander M. Haig said
the U.S. had physical evidence that Russia and its
allies used poisonous biological weapons in Laos,
Cambodia and Afghanistan.
1988 - Forecasters reported that Hurricane Gilbert's
barometric pressure measured 26.13. It was the
strongest hurricane ever recorded in the Western Hemisphere.
1993 - Israel and Palestine signed their first major
agreement. Palestine was granted limited self-government
in the Gaza Strip and in Jericho.
1998 - The New York Times closed its Web site after hackers
added offensive material.
2001 - U.S. Secretary of State Colin Powell named Osama bin
Laden as the prime suspect in the terror attacks on the
United States on September 11, 2001. Limited commercial
flights resumed in the U.S. for the first time in two days.
2013 smiled
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2 Million bikers mobilized in one week!
Thursday, September 12, 2013, 11:03 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Thursday, September 12
The 9/11 "Million Muslims March against Discrimination"
got roared over by about 2 Million bikers from Canada and
almost every US state.
Whining against discrimination on 9/11 hit a nerve in
an awful lot of good people in North America.
The US/Canada border evaporated, and anybody, who had a
bike and could afford the hotels, took off for DC,
without notice.
The most incredible part of the backlash was the perfect
and lightning fast mobilization. We all know that the
Government would NOT be able to mobilize TWO MILLION people,
and would not have a snowbal's chance in hell to get
TWO MILLION people to one awkward spot in the country.
The cops gave up counting bikes when the number went over
1 Million. "Well over 1 Million bikes, many of them with
a passenger". And it was all organized with practically no
advance notice, just via newsletters, blogs and Facebook.
Big media, which is predominantly pro-democrat or
pro-communism, hung back and ignored the build-up, hoping
this patriotic outburst would fizzle.
When it did not fizzle, but succeeded beyond all expectations,
then the media had to grudgingly acknowledge it.
Bikers, whether they be sweet little old ladies or big, gruff
Vietnam vets or young widows of Afghanistan heroes or people
who have done Route 66, are as a group a lot more patriotic
and loyal to the country, than Toyota Prius driving yuppies
or any other group you care to name.
I wonder if the politicians are aware of the awesome power
in that group, and the power of the Internet to mobilize
people?
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
If we don't change direction soon, we'll end up where we're going.
--- Professor Irwin Corey (1914 - )
Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work
he is supposed to be doing at the moment.
--- Robert Benchley (1889 - 1945)
A Congressman was once asked about his attitude toward whiskey.
"If you mean the demon drink that poisons the mind, pollutes
the body, desecrates family life, and inflames sinners,
then I'm against it.
"But if you mean the elixir of Christmas cheer, the shield
against winter chill, the taxable potion that puts needed
funds into public coffers to comfort little crippled children,
then I'm for it."
"This is my position, and I will not compromise!"
A man and a woman are driving along when they see a
wounded skunk on the side of the road.
They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up, and brings
it into the car. She says, "Look, its shivering, it must
be cold. What should I do?"
He says, "Put it between your legs."
She says, "What about the smell?"
He says, "Awww, just hold its nose."
When she hit him with the skunk, it sprayed her.
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
From a passenger ship, everyone can see a thin bearded man
on a small island, shouting and desperately waving his hands.
"Who is it on that island?" a passenger asks the captain.
"I have no idea, but every year when we pass, he goes nuts."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Nikkita Frye, 34, Evansville, Indiana
Jailed After Stripping Naked,
Attempting To Punch Passing Cars
Nikkita Frye, a 34-year-old Indiana woman, was jailed
Saturday after she allegedly stripped naked and began
attacking cars along Riverside Avenue.
According to Evansville police, officers were dispatched
to the area after witnesses reported seeing a naked woman
that was jumping into traffic and attempting to punch cars
as they passed.
When officers located Frye a short distance away, she
immediately laid on the ground - still without any
clothing on.
Officers at the scene covered Frye with a jacket until
they were able to find her dress and talk her into
putting it back on.
During questioning, Frye appeared confused and was unable
to follow basic instructions. She later told investigators
that she had been using cocaine and bath salts prior to
the incident.
While officers attempted to process the scene, Frye continued
to yell at and challenge pedestrians who had gathered nearby
to watch the melee.
When officers told Frye to stay next to a patrol car, she
took an aggressive stance and began smacking her hands
together as if she was attempting to provoke a fight with
officers.
When officers asked her to turn around so they could handcuff
her, she resisted and attempted to punch them.
Officers responded by taking her to the ground and placing
her under arrest.
She was booked into the Vanderburgh County Correctional
Complex and charged with disorderly conduct, public
intoxication and resisting arrest.
While that kind of behavior is typical for bath salt users,
the use of bath salts does not count as an excuse. The
boneheads get charged for what they did, not for what
they consumed.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellen
Re: PayPal split payment
Dear Webby,
Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments,
one to me and one to my partner, by putting another
PayPal button onto the Thank-You page?
Ellen
Dear Ellen
Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you,
then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning,
have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting
new ones.
PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow
the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that:
No split payments.
I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have
a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that.
That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole
amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your
partner.
You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with
absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Soap For A Stuck Zipper
I have found that the easiest way to make a zipper work
smoothly is to rub a cake of soap (any kind) along
the zipper edges. That zipper with go up and down
smoothly.
By Mary from MI
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Three Valley Girls were applying for the last available position
on the Highway Patrol. The detective conducting the interview
looked at the three of them and said, "So you'd like to be cops?"
The Valley Girls all nodded. The detective got up, opened a file
drawer and pulled out a file folder. He opened it up, pulled
out a picture, and said, "To be a detective, you have to be
able to detect. You must be able to notice things such as
distinguishing features in a suspect."
He stuck the photo in the face of the first Valley Girl, and
withdrew it after about two seconds. "Now," he said,
"Did you notice any distinguishing features about the man?"
The Valley Girl immediately said, "Yes, I did. He has only one
eye!"
The detective grabbed the photo, shook his head and said,
"Of course he has only one eye in this picture. It's a profile
of his head. You're dismissed!"
The first Valley Girl hung her head and walked out.
The detective then turned to the second Valley Girl, stuck the
photo in her face for two seconds, pulled it back and said,
"What about you? Notice anything unusual or outstanding
about this man?"
"Yes," said the second Valley Girl. "He only has one ear."
The detective put his head in his hand and exclaimed, "Didn't
you hear what I just told the other lady? This is a profile
of the man's head. Of course you can only see one ear. You're
excused, too!"
The second Valley Girl sheepishly walked out of the office.
The detective turned his attention to the third and last
Valley Girl and said, "This is probably a waste of time, but
let's try this again." He held the photo in front of her
for a few seconds and withdrew it, saying,
"All right. Did you notice anything distinguishing or
unusual about this man?"
The Valley Girl said, "I did. This man wears contact lenses."
The detective frowned, took another look at the picture,
and began looking at some of the papers in the folder.
He looked up at the Valley Girl with a puzzled expression and
said, "You're absolutely right. His bio says he wears
contacts. How in the world could you tell that by
looking at this picture?"
The Valley Girl rolled her eyes and said, "Duh! With only one
eye and one ear, he certainly can't wear glasses!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of
Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the
story where chicken little tried to warn the farmer.
She read, "...And so Chicken Little went up to the
farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"
The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do
you think that farmer said?"
Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "I think he said -
"Holy Cow!
A talking chicken!"
Today, September 12, in
1609 English explorer Henry Hudson sailed down what is now
known as the Hudson River.
1814 During the War of 1812, the Battle of North Point
was fought in Maryland.
1873 The first practical typewriter was sold to customers.
1878 Patent litigation involving the Bell Telephone Company
against Western Union Telegraph Company and Elisha Gray
began. The issues were over various telephone patents.
1914 The first battle of Marne ended when the allied forces
stopped the German offensive in France.
1916 Adelina and August Van Buren finished the first successful
transcontinental motorcycle tour to be attempted by two women.
They started in New York City on July 5, 1916.
1918 During World War I, At the Battle of St. Mihiel, U.S.
Army personnel operate tanks for the first time. The tanks
were French-built.
1922 The Episcopal Church removed the word "Obey" from the
bride's section of wedding vows.
1938 In a speech, Adolf Hitler demanded self-determination for
the Sudeten Germans in Czechoslovakia.
1940 The Lascaux paintings were discovered in France. The
cave paintings were 17,000 years old and were some of the
best examples of art from the Paleolithic period.
1943 During World War II, Benito Mussolini was taken by
German paratroopers from the Italian government that was
holding him.
1944 U.S. Army troops entered Germany, near Trier, for the
first time during World War II.
1953 U.S. Senator John F. Kennedy married Jacqueline Lee
Bouvier.
1954 "Lassie" made its television debut on CBS. The last
show aired on September 12, 1971.
1963 The last episode of "Leave it to Beaver" was aired.
1974 Violence occurred on the opening day of classes in
Boston, MA, due to opposition to court-ordered school
"busing."
1974 Emperor Haile Selassie was taken out of power by
Ethiopia's military after ruling for 58 years.
1977 South African anti-apartheid activist Stephen Biko
died at the age of 30. The student leader died while
in police custody which triggered an international outcry.
1983 Arnold Schwarzenegger became a U.S. citizen. He had
emigrated from Austria 14 years earlier.
2009 Steve Jobs announced that Apple's iTunes had 88% of
the legal U.S. music download market.
2013 smiled
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Can you do split payments on PayPal?
Wednesday, September 11, 2013, 10:18 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
|
Today is Wednesday, September 11
|
Nobody, except maybe some burocrats in DC, really
expected two Million Harleys. I doubt, that there are two
Million Harleys in running condition in the entire world.
However, there are an awful lot of Yamaha and Honda
look-alikes out there in very good running condition,
and headed towards DC.
By Tuesday mid-afternoon there were about 20,000 riders
massing in Virginia. By Wednesday mid morning they expect
to see over 50,000.
Imagine that sound!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful
what we pretend to be.
--- Kurt Vonnegut (1922 - 2007)
The first principle is that you must not fool yourself -
and you are the easiest person to fool.
--- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988)
A young man visiting a dude ranch wanted to sound like he
knew what he was doing and went out walking with one of
the hired hands. Walking through the barnyard, the visitor
tried starting a conversation and said, "Say, look at that
big bunch of cows over there."
The hired hand replied, "Not 'bunch,' but 'herd.' "
"Heard what?"
"Herd of cows."
"Sure, I've heard of cows. There's a big bunch of 'em
right over there."
On one occasion a student burst into his office. "Professor
Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F you've given me."
To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but unfortunately it is
the lowest grade the University will allow me to award."
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
Coming out of church, Mrs. Peterson asked her husband,
"Do you think that Johnson girl is tinting her hair?"
"I didn't even see her," admitted Mr. Peterson.
"And that dress Mrs. Hansen was wearing," continued Mrs.
Peterson, "Really, don't tell me you think that's the proper
costume for a mother of two."
"I'm afraid I didn't notice that either," said Mr. Peterson.
"Oh, for heaven's sake," snapped Mrs. Peterson.
"A lot of good it does YOU to go to church."
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD
and a Darwin Award go to
Daniel R. Ricketts, 50, Albany County, NY
Dopey drunk decapitated by his own booby-trap
Albany County Sheriff’s Department reports that a man
identified as Daniel R. Ricketts was driving an ATV in the
backyard of his property Saturday when was nearly decapitated
after running into a fine, nearly invisible wire that was
among other booby traps he had set up around four large
marijuana plants.
The other booby traps included barbed wire and a leg trap
similar to something used to trap coyotes. He said alcohol
may have been a factor in the accident.
Tech Support Pits
From: Ellen
Re: PayPal split payment
Dear Webby,
Can I split an invoice into two separae PayPal payments,
one to me and one to my partner, by putting another
PayPal button onto the Thank-You page?
Ellen
Dear Ellen
Technically you could do that. But when PayPal catches you,
then you and your partner will suddenly, without any warning,
have no more PayPal accounts, and extreme difficulty getting
new ones.
PayPal is very easy to get along with, as long as you follow
the rules. Their rules are quite clear about that:
No split payments.
I don't know their exact reasoning for that rule, but I have
a hunch they were told by the IRS to be strict about that.
That means, YOU have to report the income for the whole
amount, file a W9 for your partner, and report paying your
partner.
You can try it with two totally separate invoices, with
absolutely no detectable link between them, but be careful!
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Have A Painting Party
Have a painting party. When we moved in to our new home,
we wanted to get the painting done before moving all the
furniture. We supplied the paint and the food. Friends and
family had an enjoyable time and the painting got done
in no time.
By Kim from Franklin Park, IL
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
Dave went on a business trip for a few days. When he
returned, his wife reported that the dog really missed him.
"She spent every night at the front door, awaiting your return,"
she said.
"What an example of true love," Dave replied. "I wonder if
you'd be that concerned about me?"
"Honey," she answered, ily swinging the cast iron frying pan,
"if you were gone overnight, and I didn't know where you were,
you can be sure I'd be waiting for you at the front door."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
From Mona
I was setting up a large, cast aluminum, decorative sundial
in my yard that I had purchased from a garden catalog.
A neighbor was leaning on the fence watching my progress
and asked, "What the heck's that for?"
I explained, "It's a sun dial, see the sun will hit that
small triangular spike and cast a shadow on the face of the
sundial. Then, as the sun moves across the sky, the shadow
also moves across the calibrated dial, enabling a person to
determine the correct time."
My neighbor shook his head and muttered,. "Huh, what will
they think of next?"
Today, September 11, in
1297 Scotsman William Wallace defeated the English forces of
Sir Hugh de Cressingham at the Battle of Stirling Bridge.
1499 French forces took over Milan, Italy.
1609 Explorer Henry Hudson sailed into New York harbor and
discovered Manhattan Island and the Hudson River.
1695 Imperial troops under Eugene of Savoy defeated the Turks
at the Battle of Zenta.
1709 An Anglo-Dutch-Austrian force defeated the French in the
Battle of Malplaquet.
1714 Spanish and French troops broke into Barcelona and ended
Catalonia's sovereignty after 13 months of seige.
1777 American forces, under General George Washington, were
forced to retreat at the Battle of Brandywine Creek by
British forces under William Howe. The Stars and Stripes
(American flag) were carried for the first time in the battle.
1814 The U.S. fleet defeated a squadron of British ships in
the Battle of Lake Champlain, VT.
1842 1,400 Mexican troops captured San Antonio, TX. The
Mexicans retreated with prisoners.
1855 The siege of Sevastopol ended when French, British and
Piedmontese troops captured the main naval base of the
Russian Black Sea fleet in the Crimean War.
1875 "Professor Tidwissel's Burglar Alarm" was featured in
the New York Daily Graphic and became the first comic strip
to appear in a newspaper.
1883 The mail chute was patented by James Cutler. The new
device was first used in the Elwood Building in Rochester, NY.
1936 Boulder Dam in Nevada was dedicated by U.S. President
Franklin D. Roosevelt by turning on the dam's first
hydroelectric generator. The dam is now called Hoover Dam.
1941 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave orders to attack
any German or Italian vessels found in U.S. defensive waters.
The U.S. had not officially entered World War II at this time.
1941 Charles A. Lindbergh brought on charges of anti-Semitism
with a speech in which he blamed "the British, the Jewish and
the Roosevelt administration" for trying to draw the United States
into World War II.
1941 In Arlington, VA, the groundbreaking ceremony for the
Pentagon took place.
1952 Dr. Charles Hufnagel successfully replaced a diseased aorta
valve with an artificial valve made of plastic.
1959 The U.S. Congress passed a bill authorizing the creation of
food stamps.
1965 The 1st Cavalry Division (Airmobile) arrived in South Vietnam
and was stationed at An Khe.
1985 A U.S. satellite passed through the tail of the
Giacobini-Zinner comet. It was the first on-the-spot
sampling of a comet.
1990 U.S. President Bush vowed "Saddam Hussein will fail"
while addressing Congress on the Persian Gulf crisis. In
the speech Bush spoke of an objective of a new world order
"freer from the threat of terror, stronger in the pursuit
of justice, and more secure in the quest for peace".
1991 Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev announced that
thousands of troops would be drawn out of Cuba.
1997 Scotland voted to create its own Parliament after
290 years of union with England.
1998 Independent counsel Kenneth Starr sent a report to the
U.S. Congress accusing President Clinton of 11 possible
impeachable offenses.
2001 In the U.S., four airliners were hijacked and were
intentionally crashed. Two airliners hit the World Trade
Center, which collapsed shortly after, in New York City,
NY. One airliner hit the Pentagon in Washington, DC.
Another airliner crashed into a field in Pennsylvania.
About 3,000 people were killed.
The world changed that day.
2013 smiled
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How to get a second Gmail address?
Tuesday, September 10, 2013, 09:43 AM
Posted by Administrator
Good Morning, !
Today is Tuesday, September 10.
Do you remember the "2 Million Bikers to DC Ride"?
The bikers asked for a bit of financial help with permits
and similar costs. 19 hours later they turned off the
donations site, because too much money had come in.
Most of the money will be used for NEXT year's ride.
The ride is most definitely ON.
Imagine the sound of 2 Million (or almost 2 Million)
bikes, 4 abreast, from horizon to horizon!
DC granted a non-stop permit to Obamas friends, who have
changed their name to "Million Muslims Against Fear rally",
probably because they don't expect that many to show up,
but denied a non-stop permit to the bikers. Apparently word
got around that many of them are Veterans and/or don't seem
to like Obama.
They wanted to ride an established route, which would have
taken them past the VietNam Memorial to the Lincoln
Memorial, across the bridge into Virginia, and that’s it!
With a Non-stop permit, 4 abreast at highway speed, that
would have been 1 - 2 hours. Without the permit, going slow
and stopping at intersections, it is probably going to
take more than a day. If anybody has trouble sleeping
with the noise, tell the bozos, who denied the non-stop
permit.
Click a LIKE to the bikers on their page:
https://www.facebook.com/2MillionBikersDC
Have FUN!
DearWebby
| If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep
proving your talent to people who have none.
--- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910)
Statistician: A man who believes figures don't lie,
but admits that under analysis some of them won't
stand up either.
--- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995)
>From Dr Bill:
One of my favorite "new priest" tales: The new Priest,
Fr. O'Donnell, was being allowed to celebrate mass and
preach the sermon on his own for the first time.
After the service, his mentor Fr. Murphy was with him
for a critique. The good old Priest observed, "You did
foine wi' the service lad, and your mass was perfection
itself, it was - but you did seem a bit nervous when
you were off the page during the announcements
-- it's going to be a Taffy Pull at St. Peter's,
not the other way around
A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read,
"Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress
brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted.
"What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively.
"Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied.
"Baked tongue of chicken?...baked tongue of chicken! Do you
have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even
consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!"
he fumed.
Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?"
"Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied.
Discover The Secrets To Building a
50MPH ELECTRIC BIKE
with The Performance of a Motorcycle*
and SAVE THOUSANDS
on Fuel, Insurance, and Parking costs.
Today you can learn how to build a 50MPH electric bike
using parts available in your garage or online, so you
can start to reduce your carbon footprint AND reduce
your commuting stress levels by never having to sit in
another traffic jam again.
* Gasoline motorcycles will of course go over 50 mph on the
freeway. The electric bike is intended for downtown commuting
and shopping, not for racing on the freeway.
Acceleration off a traffic light is phenomenal with
electric bikes!
Thanks to Lilly for this story:
I have changed my system for labeling homemade freezer meals.
I used to carefully note in large clear letters, "Meatloaf" or
"Pot Roast" or "Steak and Vegetables or "Chicken and
Dumplings" or "Beef Pot Pie."
However, I used to get very frustrated when I asked my
husband what he wanted for dinner because he never asked
for any of those things. So, I decided to stock the
freezer with what he really likes.
If you look in my freezer now you'll see a whole new set of
labels. You'll find dinners with neat, legible tags that say:
"Whatever," "Anything," "I Don't Know," "I Don't Care,"
"Something Good," or "Food."
My frustration is reduced because no matter what my
husband replies when I ask him what he wants for dinner,
I know that it will be there waiting.
Click on the picture for the large version
If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!
An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD goes to
Robert Pry, 21. Jonesboro, Arkansas
Air Duster Brain Fry
Reported by the Weekly Vice
Robert Pry, a 21-year-old Arkansas bonehead, was jailed
Sunday after he allegedly spent the night inside a Kmart
huffing 16 cans of air duster.
According to Jonesboro Police, officers were dispatched
to a local Kmart store early Sunday morning after employees
found Pry dead asleep inside a storage room.
Officers arrived to find two feet sticking out from a cubby
hole underneath a set of stairs. Those feet belonged to Pry,
who was covered with his own urine and vomit.
Pry told officers that he entered the store just before
closing time and hid out until the employees left. That's
when he commenced huffing 16 cans of air duster. The empty
cans were found scattered about the room where Pry was found
unconscious.
Pry also stated that he borrowed a friend's truck, drove
to a nearby Walmart, and purchased $100 worth of air duster.
Officers located the truck where they found several more
empty air duster cans.
Investigators say Pry spent "all of his money" on air duster,
but wanted more. He later told police that he was
"addicted to huffing."
Pry was taken to a local hospital before he was booked into
the Craighead County Detention Center. He was charged with
commercial burglary, theft, inhaling intoxicating compounds
and failure to appear. His bond has been set at $1,700.
----------
Now you know why I get hostile, when somebody suggests using
air duster for blowing dirt from easily accessible places to
harder to get to places. Kids and idiots have heard about
huffing and want to experiment. Huffing is not always deadly,
unless they use plastic bags to concentrate the gas, but it
sure does not improve their intelligence!
Tech Support Pits
From: Denise
Re: Second Gmail account
Dear Webby,
Can you help me find out how to get a new account with gmail,
please?
I would like to advertise some items and don't wish to use
this account.
Thank you
Denise
Dear Denise
Go to
https://accounts.google.com/SignUp?service=mail
and create a new account.
It will not be linked to your regular account.
Have FUN!
DearWebby
If you can help with the cost of the
Humor Letter, please donate what you can! |
|
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com
Acetone to Save Dried Out Nail Polish
An easy way to save your dried out nail polish is using a
small amount of acetone or nail polish remover. Take an
eye dropper and get a small amount of acetone.
Source: my mom and the girl who does my nails
By ciarappp12
Check out ThriftyFun's Blog
The teacher asked little Johnny,
"Can you name four shooting stars?"
Little Johnny said, "Ah shore can! Wyatt Earp,
Annie Oakley, Buffalo Bill, and John Wayne."
Ophelia Dingbatter's News
No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups.
Read it on-line or subscribe.
If you subscribe, look for the double-opt-in confirmation request. |
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman.
"And what do you think is the best thing about
being 104?" the reporter asked.
"No peer pressure" she responded.
Today, September 10, in
1608 John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA
colony council.
1813 The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred
in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The
leader of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have
met the enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William
Henry Harrison.
1845 King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange.
1846 Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine.
1862 Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain.
1897 British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving.
It was the first DWI.
1899 A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK.
It measured 8.6.
1913 The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved
coast-to-coast highway in the U.S.
1919 New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and
General John J. Pershing who had served in the First
Division during World War I.
1919 Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of
St.Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence
of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia.
1921 The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin.
The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit.
1923 The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations.
1926 Germany joined the League of Nations.
1939 Canada declared war on Germany.
1940 In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb.
1942 U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline
rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort.
1943 German forces began their occupation of Rome
1951 Britain began an economic boycott of Iran.
1953 Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner."
1955 "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS.
1956 Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga,
Australia.
1963 Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama
at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and
Alabama governor George C. Wallace.
1979 U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto
Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack
on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an
attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950.
1989 Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German
refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany.
1990 Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with
past enemy Iraq.
1990 Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing
nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf War Crisis.
1998 U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet
to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a
person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky.
2002 Florida tested its new elections system. The test
resulted in polling stations opening late and problems
occurred with the touch screen voting machines.
2002 The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit
opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of
American History.
2002 Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations.
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