Too much contrast 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 31
Happy Halloween!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate 
attempts to get out of ticket
Today, Oct 31 in
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ For every person who wants to teach there are approximately thirty people who don't want to learn--much. --- W. C. Sellar and R. J. Yeatman How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size? --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man had been driving all night, and by morning, was still far from his destination. He decided to stop at the next city he came to, and park somewhere quiet so he could get an hour or two of sleep. As luck would have it, the quiet place he chose happened to be on one of the city's major jogging routes. No sooner had he settled back to snooze, when there came a knocking on his window. He looked out and saw a jogger running in place. "Excuse me, sir," the jogger said, "do you have the time?" The man looked at the car clock and answered, "Eight fifteen." The jogger said thanks and left. The man settled back again, and was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window and another jogger asked, "Excuse me, sir, do you have the time?" The man was a little irritated and growled, "It's twenty minutes past eight!" The jogger thanked the man and left. Now the man could see other joggers passing by and he knew it was only a matter of time before another one disturbed him. To avoid the problem, he got out a pen and paper and put a sign in his window saying, "I do not know the time!" Once again he settled back to sleep. He was just dozing off, when there was another knock on the window. Another jogger said, "Sir, it's eight thirty." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jai for this: The new Supermarket near our house has an automatic mist machine to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of a thunderstorm. When you approach the milk cases, you hear cows mooing. When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cackle. So far I have been too afraid to go down the toilet paper aisle. ______________________________________________________ Bridge over St. Croix River, MN _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alfreda Chaplin, 43, Central Islip, NY NY Woman spends night in jail after elaborate attempts to get out of ticket A Long Island woman has been arrested after authorities say she falsely reported an emergency to avoid getting a speeding ticket. Alfreda Chaplin, 43, was pulled over by a Highway Patrol officer for speeding around 2:05 a.m. on Thursday. Chaplin told the officer that she was on her way to Brookhaven Memorial Hospital Medical Center because her mother was dying, according to WPIX. The officer told Chaplin that he would follow her to the hospital to make sure she was telling the truth. But Chaplin had concocted the story in hopes of getting out of the ticket. So, on the way to the hospital, Chaplin called 911 from her cell phone, gave a false name, and reported that she had been assaulted by her husband, who had a gun and had left her on the eastbound service road of Sunrise Highway near exit 46A. She hoped that the officer escorting her would be called away. But authorities were able to determine that the false 911 call had come from Chaplin, and when the escorting officer pulled her vehicle over again, Chaplin admitted that she made the false call. Chaplin was arrested and charged with falsely reporting an incident and issued a summons for speeding. She was arraigned Thursday at First District Court in Central Islip. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jane Re: Too much contrast Dear Webby, When I take pictures that include shaded areas and sunlit areas, or indoor pictures that are unevenly lit, I wind up with pitch black areas. I never had that problem when I was using film, and I see with your pictures, that not everybody has that problem. What do I need to do differently? Jane Dear Jane That is normal with low end cameras, especially if they have a tiny lens. Better cameras takes a light reading through the lens, and average out a number of different spots in the picture, or read a spot at the center. Cheaper cameras have a light meter at the front that just averages anything in front of it. Most digital cameras let you stash a reading by partially depressing the shutter. Focus at a dark or shaded area, partially depress the shutter, and then point the camera to the picture composition you want. It will then take the picture as if everything was in the shade. Some areas will be slightly overexposed, and the sky may be white, but the shaded areas won't be black. A slightly more expensive camera will take care of that. Have FUN! DearWebby

A minister in a little church had been having trouble with the collections. One Sunday he announced, "Now, before we pass the collection plate, I would like to request that the person who stole the chickens from Farmer Condill's henhouse please refrain from giving any money to the Lord. The Lord doesn't want money from a thief!" The collection plate was passed around, and for the first time in months everybody gave.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
"My poor man", said the kind old lady to the beggar, "it must be dreadful to be lame. But think how much worse it would be if you were blind." "You got that right, lady," agreed the beggar. "When I was blind, I was always getting counterfeit money." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Old Jeans When jeans are past their prime and not suitable for wearing, you can recycle the fabric to use in craft projects. Denim is durable and great for making purses or sleeves to hold tools. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ Two ladies were chatting and one asked the other, "What would you do if you caught your husband with another woman?" The second lady said, "Another woman with MY husband? Let's see; I would break her cane, shoot her guide dog, and call a cab to take her back to the institution she escaped from." __________________________________________________
I thought this would be apropos for Halloween.
The 12-year-old boy stood patiently beside the clock counter while the store clerk waited on all of the adult customers. Finally he got around to the youngster, who made his purchase and hurried out to the curb, where his father was impatiently waiting in his car. "What took you so long, son?" he asked. "The man waited on everybody in the store before me," the boy replied. "But I got even." "How?" "I wound and set all the alarm clocks and kitchen timers while I was waiting," the youngster explained happily. "It's going to be a noisy place in about half an hour." ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Mary was married to a male chauvinist. They both worked full time, but he never did anything around the house and certainly not any housework. That, he declared, was woman's work. But one evening Mary arrived home from work to find the children bathed, a load of wash in the washing machine and another in the dryer, dinner on the stove and a beautifully set table, complete with flowers. She was astonished, and she immediately wanted to know what was going on. It turned out that Charley, her husband, had read a magazine article that suggested working wives would be more romantically inclined if they weren't so tired from having to do all the housework in addition to holding down a full-time job. The next day, she couldn't wait to tell her friends in the office. "How did it work out?" they asked. "Well, it was a great dinner," Mary said. "Charley even cleaned up, helped the kids with their homework, folded the laundry and put everything away." "But what about afterward?" her friends wanted to know. "It didn't work out," Mary said. "Charley was too tired." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 31, in 
1517 Martin Luther posted the 95 Theses on the door of the
Wittenberg Palace Church. The event marked the start of the
Protestant Reformation in Germany. 

1868 Postmaster General Alexander Williams Randall approved
a standard uniform for postal carriers. 

1914 The Ottoman Empire (Turkey) joined the Central Powers
(Germany, Austria-Hungary, and Bulgaria). 

1922 Benito Mussolini became prime minister of Italy. 

1926 Magician Harry Houdini died of gangrene and peritonitis
resulting from a ruptured appendix. His appendix had been
damaged twelve days earlier when he had been punched in the
stomach by a student unexpectedly. During a lecture Houdini
had commented on the strength of his stomach muscles and
their ability to withstand hard blows. 

1940 The British air victory in the Battle of Britain
prevented Germany from invading Britain. 

1941 Mount Rushmore was declared complete after 14 years of
work. At the time the 60-foot busts of U.S. Presidents
George Washington, Thomas Jefferson, Theodore Roosevelt and
Abraham Lincoln were finished. 

1941 The U.S. Navy destroyer Reuben James was torpedoed by a
German submarine near Iceland. The U.S. had not yet entered
World War II. More than 100 men were killed. 

1952 The U.S. detonated its first hydrogen bomb. 

1954 The Algerian National Liberation Front (FLN) began a
revolt against French rule. 

1955 Britain's Princess Margaret announced she would not
marry Royal Air Force Captain Peter Townsend. 

1956 Rear Admiral G.J. Dufek became the first person to land
an airplane at the South Pole. Dufek also became the first
person to set foot on the South Pole. 

1959 Lee Harvey Oswald, a former U.S. Marine from Fort
Worth, TX, announced that he would never return to the U.S.
At the time he was in Moscow, Russia. 

1961 In the Soviet Union, the body of Joseph Stalin was
removed from Lenin's Tomb where it was on public display. 

1968 U.S. President Lyndon B. Johnson ordered a halt to all
U.S. bombing of North Vietnam. 

1969 Wal-Mart Discount City stores were incorporated as Wal-
Mart Stores, Inc. 

1981 Antiqua and Barbuda became independent of Great

1983 The U.S. Defense Department acknowledged that during
the U.S. led invasion of Grenada, that a U.S. Navy plane had
mistakenly bombed a civilian hospital. 

1984 Indian Prime Minister Indira Gandhi was assassinated
near her residence by two Sikh security guards. Her son,
Rajiv, was sworn in as prime minister. 

1992 In Liberia, it was announced that five American nuns
had been killed near Monrovia. Rebels loyal to Charles
Taylor were blamed for the murders. 

1994 68 people were killed when an American Eagle ATR-72,
plunged into a northern Indiana farm. 

1997 Louise Woodward, British au pair, was sentenced to life
in prison after being convicted of second-degree murder in
the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. She was released
after her sentence was reduced to manslaughter. 

1998 Iraq announced that it was halting all dealings with
U.N. arms inspectors. The inspectors were investigating the
country's weapons of mass destruction stemming from Iraq's
invasion of Kuwait in 1990. 

1999 EgyptAir Flight 990 crashed off the coast of Nantucket,
MA, killing all 217 people aboard. 

1999 Leaders from the Roman Catholic Church and the Lutheran
Church signed the Joint Declaration on the Doctrine of
Justification. The event ended a centuries-old doctrinal
dispute over the nature of faith and salvation. 

2001 Microsoft and the U.S. Justice Department reached a
tentative agreement to settle the antitrust case against the
software company. 

2007 Google shares hit $700 for the first time. 

2008 Distribution Video Audio, Inc. shipped its final
shipment of VHS tapes to stores. The company was the last
major United States supplier of pre-recorded VHS tapes. 

2017  smiled.

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Not getting the Newsletter 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 30

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens 
to sue for back injury because she got a sore
back from the looting
Today, Oct 30 in

1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS
radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was
a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic
among listeners. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Football is a mistake. It combines the two worst elements of American life. Violence and committee meetings. --- George F. Will (1941 - ) The marvel of all history is the patience with which men and women submit to burdens unnecessarily laid upon them by their governments. --- William H. Borah Cabbage: A familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl and her mother were out and about. Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?" The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older." The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?" Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up." The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?" The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now." The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation. The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything." Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again. The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old." The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?" The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds." "Where did you learn that?" The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex...." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Painting, n. The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather and exposing them to the critic. Formerly, painting and sculpture were combined in the same work: the ancients painted their statures. The only present alliance between the two arts is that the modern painter often chisels his patrons. [Taken from Ambrose Bierce's "Devil's Dictionary."] ______________________________________________________ Burrowing owls _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Julie Ann Upright, 54 Port Richey, Florida Woman caught looting cement pavers threatens to sue for back injury because she got a sore back from the looting A 54-year-old Florida woman was arrested Sunday after she was caught looting cement pavers from a home in Port Richey. Deputies arrested Julie Ann Upright just after 5 p.m. on Woodbridge Court, when he found 42 cement decorative blocks, worth $420, in her vehicle. The homeowner told detectives that he caught her looting the blocks without permission. They were part of a remodeling project and were stored in the front yard, about 4 feet from the roadway, the owner said. Upright said she thought they were trash. Deputies said she then threatened to sue the owner because she hurt her back on his property while loading the blocks into her vehicle. To make matters worse, the deputy said the blocks were stolen within a county that was subject to a state of emergency declared by the governor under chapter 252. Stealing stuff during a state of emergency is looting. The looter was taken to the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center and put into the slammer. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kristi Re: Not getting the Humor Letter Dear Webby, hi its me kristi i didnt get dear weebt today in my inbox... Is everything ok??? thanks Dear Kristi Yes, everything is OK here. Your subscription has been sent to you normally: boogy@******.com|kristi|humor No error, no bounce. Once it has entered your ISP's server, there is nothing more that I can do about it. If you did not receive your Humor Letter, check your and your ISP's spam controls. In the meantime, you can browse to and see what I had sent to you. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Tilly My mother came by to show off her brand-new Pontiac Grand Am. My eight-year-old daughter took one look at the car and indignantly proclaimed, "They spelled grandma wrong!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
On the way back one day, as I was sitting in the Phoenix airport, they announced that the flight at the next gate was overbooked. The airline was looking for volunteers to give up their seats. In exchange, they'd give you a $100 voucher for your next flight and a first class seat in the plane leaving an hour later. About eight people ran up to the counter to take advantage of the offer. About 15 seconds later all eight of those people sat down grumpily as the lady behind the ticket counter said, "If there is anyone else OTHER than the flight crew who'd like to volunteer, please step forward..." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Pringles Cans Pringles cans work well for storing small toys and tennis balls. They work well for to store clean (or still being used) paint rollers and small paint brushes. They are also the perfect size for storing home baked cookies. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ An irate woman burst into the baker's shop and yelled, 'I sent my daughter in for two pounds of cookies this morning, but when I weighed them there was only one pound. I suggest that you check your scales.' The baker looked at her calmly for a moment or two and then replied, ' Ma'am, I suggest you weigh your daughter.' __________________________________________________
Houses that will scare you on Halloween.
A young couple were on their honeymoon. The husband was sitting in the bathroom saying to himself, "How can I tell my wife that I've got really smelly feet and that my socks absolutely stink? I've managed to keep it from her while we dated, but she's bound to find out sooner or later." Meanwhile, the wife was sitting in the bed saying to herself, "How do I tell my husband that I've got really bad breath? I've been very lucky to keep it from him while we were courting, but as soon as he's lived with me for a week, he's bound to find out." The husband finally plucks up enough courage to tell his wife and so he walks into the bedroom. He walks over to the bed, puts his arm around her shoulder, moves his face very close to hers and says, "Darling, I've a confession to make." And she says, "So have I, love." To which he replies, "Don't tell me, you've eaten my socks!" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It was afternoon in the crowded cafeteria. The elderly matron sitting at the counter was obviously upset at the cigarette smoke of the young woman beside her. Finally the older woman could take it no longer. She turned to the girl and bellowed with a loud voice "Young lady, I would rather commit adultery than smoke!" "So would I," quipped the girl, "but you know, there just isn't time enough during a coffee break...." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 30, in 
1817 The independent government of Venezuela was established
by Simon Bolivar. 

1831 Escaped slave Nat Turner was apprehended in Southampton
County, VA, several weeks after leading the bloodiest slave
uprising in American history. 

1875 The constitution of Missouri was ratified by popular

1893 The U.S. Senate gave final approval to repeal the
Sherman Silver Purchase Act of 1890. 

1894 The time clock was patented by Daniel M. Cooper of
Rochester, NY. 

1938 Orson Welles' "The War of the Worlds" aired on CBS
radio. The belief that the realistic radio dramatization was
a live news event about a Martian invasion caused panic
among listeners. 

1943 In Moscow, a declaration was signed by the Governments
of the Soviet Union, the United Kingdom, the United States
and China called for an early establishment of an
international organization to maintain peace and security.
The goal was supported on December 1, 1943, at a meeting in

1945 The U.S. government announced the end of shoe

1953 General George C. Marshall was awarded the Nobel Peace

1961 The Soviet Union tested a hydrogen bomb with a force of
approximately 58 megatons. 

1972 U.S. President Richard Nixon approved legislation to
increase Social Security spending by $5.3 billion. 

1972 In Illinois, 45 people were killed when two trains
collided on Chicago's south side. 

1975 Prince Juan Carlos assumed power in Spain as dictator
Francisco Franco was near death. 

1975 The New York Daily News ran the headline "Ford to City:
Drop Dead." The headline came a day after U.S. President
Gerald R. Ford said he would veto any proposed federal
bailout of New York City. 

1982 Portugal's constitution was revised for the first time
since it was ratified on April 25, 1976. 

1984 In Poland, police found the body of kidnapped pro-
Solidarity priest Father Jerry Popieluszko. His death was
blamed on four security officers. 

1989 Mitsubishi Estate Company announced it would buy 51
percent of Rockefeller Group Inc. of New York. 

1993 Martin Fettman, America's first veterinarian in space,
performed the world's first animal dissections in space,
while aboard the space shuttle Columbia. 

1993 The United Nations deadline concerning ousted Haitian
President Jean-Bertrand Aristide passed with country's
military still in control. 

1995 Federalist prevailed over separatists in Quebec in a
referendum concerning secession from the federation of

1998 The terrorist who hijacked a Turkish Airlines plane and
the 39 people on board was killed when anti-terrorist
squads raided the plane. 

2017  smiled.

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Unhide hidden pictures in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 29

From Barb:
I ran across a site for people who want the old Outlook
Express back.  I know I really liked the old OE and never
had any problems with it but I didn't use it as a warehouse
like I do gmail.  Some of your readers might like to know
about this.  I downloaded it just for the heck of it to see
what it was like and I think there are a lot of people who
would like to go back to the old familiar email format.
Here is the web address for it:

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida woman beat up man who refused to 
sexually assault her.
Today, Oct 29 in
1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa
Kemal, later known as Kemal Ataturk. He passed a law forcing
all prostitutes to wear a burka. Since then Turkish women
donèt wear burkas.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In matters of style, swim with the current; in matters of principle, stand like a rock. --- Thomas Jefferson (1743 - 1826) My Karma ran over your dogma. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Barry: I have a friend who is president of his homeowner's association in Washington, State. They are having a terrible problem with trash on the side of the road that is around his association's homes. The reason according to Wallace (my friend) is, there is being built just next to them, six new homes..... big ones! Wallace said the trash is coming from the Mexican work crews working at the construction sites. (McDonald Bags, Burger King trash, etc). He has pleaded with the site supervisors and the general contractor to no avail, called the City, County, and the Police and got no help. So, guess what some people in his community did! They organized about twenty folks, named themselves The "Inner Neighborhood Services" to go out at lunch time and "police" the trash themselves. It is what they wore and did while picking up the trash that is HILARIOUS !!!!!!!! They got some navy blue baseball caps and had the initials "INS" in gold put on the caps. It doesn't take a rocket scientist, however, to understand what they hoped people would think it means. Well the day after their first pick up detail, with them wearing their caps and SOME CARRYING CAMERAS, 46 out of 68 of the construction workers did not show up for work the next morning, and haven't come back yet!!!!! It has been ten days. Now the General Contractor, I understand is madder than hell, but can't say anything publicly, because he could be busted for hiring "illegal aliens". Wallace and his bunch can't be accused of impersonating INS folks, because they have it on their home owner association records the vote to form the new committee within their association, plus they informed the INS about what they were doing in advance, and the INS said basically according to Wallace: "Have at it"! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob and Terri had just gotten back from the honeymoon, and were having their first fight, and it was a big one. No matter what Bob tried to say or do, Terri refused to compromise, or even listen. He started growing exasperated. After a while, Bob said "When we got married, you promised to love, honor and obey." Terri replied, "I know. But I didn't want to start an argument in front of all those people at the wedding." ______________________________________________________ Slangkop Lighthouse, Kommetjie, South Africa. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebecca Lynn Phelps, 30, New Port Richey, Florida Florida woman beat up man who refused to sexually assault her. A Florida woman faces battery charges after deputies say she hit a man who did not want to have sex with her. Deputies responded to Rebecca Lynn Phelps’ home just before 2am on Thursday. Deputies say Phelps was outside her home drinking with the victim. She began to get angry when the victim refused to have sex with her. Phelps then allegedly began to scream and hit the victim, leaving red marks on his face. Deputies say the victim yelled for Phelps to stop or he would call 911. Phelps then scratched the victim’s arm, causing him to bleed. Deputies say a witness inside the home did not see what happened, but heard the victim yelling at Phelps “Stop hitting me” and then the witness heard a smack. Phelps was arrested on one count of battery. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rob A Re: Hidden Pictures in WORD Dear Webby, I understand from my wife that you answer computer problem questions. She speaks highly of you so I thought I would pose a question that I need answered in the worst way... About a week ago I was putting together a letter in Microsoft Word using many pictures. I had pasted in 9 pictures when I clicked on an item in one of the tool bars and instantly the pictures disappeared and in their place were 9 rectangular outlines the size of each picture. Unfortunately, I cannot recall what I clicked on nor exactly where it is located. I have hunted and hunted through the tools to try to restore the pictures but to no avail. Since then I have tried pasting in new pictures on a new Word "sheet" and guess what I get...a rectangle box instead. The box is composed of four connected perpendicular lines and when I click in the center of the "box" the box disappears and I get eight black dots in it's place. I believe what I originally clicked on was an on/off switch of some kind and all that needs to happen is to click on it again to correct the situation. If you know how to restore my pictures or know of someone who does, please tell me. {I have no desire to contact Microsoft because of their high and mighty attitude.} Thanks for your willingness to help others, Bob A Dear Rob Wire frames or placeholders are rarely used while writing, but really speed up scrolling while proofreading books or searching for something in a lengthy e-book or article. To turn the wire frames off and reveal pictures, Click on TOOLS Options View take the checkmark off "Picture Placeholders" hit OK Your pictures will show again. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Mary: WHEN I'M AN OLD LADY When I'm an old lady, I'll live with each kid, And bring so much happiness ... just as they did. I want to pay back all the joy they've provided. Returning each deed! Oh, they'll be so excited! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. I'll write on the walls with reds, whites and blues, And I'll bounce on the furniture, wearing my shoes. I'll drink from the carton and then leave it out. I'll stuff all the toilets and oh, how they'll shout! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they're on the phone and just out of reach, I'll get into things like sugar and bleach. Oh, they'll snap their fingers and then shake their head, When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. When they cook dinner and call me to eat, I'll not eat my green beans or salad or meat, I'll gag on my okra, spill milk on the table, And when they get angry... I'll run ... if I'm able! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. I'll sit close to the TV, through the channels I'll click, I'll cross both eyes just to see if they stick. I'll take off my socks and throw one away, And play in the mud until the end of the day! When I'm an old lady and live with my kids. And later in bed, I'll lay back and sigh, I'll thank God in prayer and then close my eyes. My kids will look down with a smile slowly creeping, And say with a groan, "She's so sweet when she's sleeping!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Two brothers enlisting in the Army were getting their physicals. During the inspection, the doctor was surprised to discover that both of them possessed incredibly long, oversized penises. "How do you account for this?" he asked the brothers. "It's hereditary, sir," the older one replied. "I see," said the doctor, writing in his file. "Your father's the reason for your elongated penises?" "No sir, our mother." "Your mother? You idiot, women don't have penises!" "I know, sir," replied the recruit, "But she only had one arm, and when it came to getting us out of the bathtub, she had to manage as best she could." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Uses for Tic Tac Containers Save Tic Tac and other breath mint containers and use them to store small items in the shop. Tic Tac containers are especially handy because they are clear so you can see what's inside them. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and mother- in- law. One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs awoke to find her mother gone. Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find her mother. The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whiskey, and started to look for her. In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight: the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable bush, and a large male lion stood facing her. The wife cried, "What are we going to do?" "Nothing," said the hunter husband. "That stupid lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it." __________________________________________________
Siegfried, the most insane amongst all of my friends, is a shrink. He has discovered a great way to get his patients to talk freely-- he puts a cell phone in their hands. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Stanilaus: In America the late night news used to broadcast this message: "It's 11 o'clock. Do you know where your children are? In England they say "Its 11 o'clock. Do you know where your wife is? In France they say "It's 11o'clock. Do you know where your mistress is?" In Poland they say Its 11 o'clock. Do you know what time it is?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 29, in 
1618 Sir Walter Raleigh was beheaded under a sentence that
had been brought against him 15 years earlier for conspiracy
against King James I. 

1652 The Massachusetts Bay Colony proclaimed itself to be an
independent commonwealth. 

1682 William Penn landed at what is now Chester, PA. He was
the founder of Pennsylvania. 

1863 The International Committee of the Red Cross was

1901 Leon Czolgosz, the assassin of U.S. President McKinley,
was electrocuted. 

1923 Turkey formally became a republic after the dissolution
of the Ottoman Empire. The first president was Mustafa
Kemal, later known as Kemal Ataturk. He passed a law forcing
all prostitutes to wear a burka. Since then Turkish women
donèt wear burkas.

1929 America's Great Depression began with the crash of the
Wall Street stock market. 

1940 The first peacetime military draft began in the U.S. 

1945 The first ballpoint pens to be made commercially went
on sale at Gimbels Department Store in New York at the price
of $12.50 each. 

1956 Israel invaded Egypt's Sinai Peninsula during the Suez
Canal Crisis. 

1959 General Mills became the first corporation to use
close-circuit television. 

1960 Muhammad Ali (Cassius Clay) won his first professional

1966 The National Organization for Women was founded. 

1969 The U.S. Supreme Court ordered an immediate end to all
school segregation. 

1973 O.J. Simpson, of the Buffalo Bills, set two NFL
records. He carried the ball 39 times and he ran 157 yards
putting him over 1,000 yards at the seventh game of the

1974 U.S. President Gerald Ford signed a new law forbidding
discrimination in credit applications on the basis of sex or
marital status 

1985 It was announced that Maj. Gen. Samuel K. Doe had won
the first multiparty election in Liberia. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to hold Saddam
Hussein's regime liable for human rights abuses and war
damages during its occupation of Kuwait. 

1991 The U.S. Galileo spacecraft became the first to visit
an asteroid (Gaspra). 

1991 Trade sanctions were imposed on Haiti by the U.S. to
pressure the new leaders to restore the ousted President
Jean-Bertrand Aristide to power. 

1992 Depo Provera, a contraceptive, was approved by the Food
and Drug Administration. 

1998 South Africa's Truth and Reconciliation Commission
condemned both apartheid and violence committed by the
African National Congress. 

1998 The space shuttle Discovery blasted off with John Glenn
on board. Glenn was 77 years old. In 1962 he became the
first American to orbit the Earth. 

1998 The oldest known copy of Archimedes' work sold for $2
million at a New York auction. 

2001 KTLA broadcast the first coast to coast HDTV network

2014 The smartwatch Microsoft Band was released. 

2017  smiled.

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How to wipe an old computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 28

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Merced dope steals her baby from hospital
Today, Oct 28 in
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The
original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. 
It was the first school of higher education in America. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The secret of being a bore is to tell everything. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) Nobody ever went broke underestimating the intelligence of the American public. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning. --- Rich Cook ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Overheard at Home Depot Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going." The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate." The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like? The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?" The old guy says, "Doesn't matter --- let's look for yours." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this tale: A city boy, Kenny, moved to the country and bought a donkey from an old farmer for $100.00. The farmer agreed to deliver the donkey the next day. The next day the farmer drove up and said, "Sorry son, but I have some bad news. The donkey died." Kenny replied, "Well then, just give me my money back." The farmer said, "Can't do that. I went and spent it already." Kenny said, "OK then, just unload the donkey." The farmer asked, "What ya gonna do with him?" Kenny----------"I'm going to raffle him off." Farmer---------" You can't raffle off a dead donkey!" Kenny----------"Sure I can. Watch me. I just won't tell anybody he is dead." A month later the farmer met up with Kenny and asked, "What happened with that dead donkey?" Kenny----------"I raffled him off. I sold 500 tickets at two dollars a piece and made a profit of $898.00." Farmer---------"Didn't anyone complain?" Kenny----------"Just the guy who won. So I gave him his two dollars back." Kenny grew up and eventually became the chairman of Enron. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stephanie Belden, 35 Merced, California Merced dope steals her baby from hospital A California woman faces child endangerment charges after she allegedly stuffed her newborn into a duffel bag and kidnapped the baby from the hospital, according to the Merced Sun-Star. Police say 35-year-old Stephanie Belden didn't want her newborn baby to be taken away after testing positive for meth during childbirth on Aug. 17. Police met with her three hours prior to let her know the child was going to be detained, as is customary, if a newborn tests positive for meth or heroin. The biological mother wasn't very happy with that, went back up, made her way into the maternity ward and cut off the alarm bracelet off the newborn baby, put the newborn baby in a duffel bag and walked out of the hospital, Fresno Police Lt. Jay Struble told KFSN. A nurse noticed the child was missing around 7:30 p.m. and officers were called at 7:36 p.m. Belden was arrested at 7:58 p.m. after police found her hiding at her house. Other than dopey, the baby was OK. Belden was booked into the Merced County Jail on suspicion of kidnapping, child stealing, child endangerment and a county-parole violation, according to jail records. She remained in custody Friday without bail. Belden has a lengthy criminal history in Merced County. She has been in and out of custody numerous times since at least 2013 on a string of mostly drug and theft-related cases, according to jail and court records. Belden made headlines in 2015 in Merced after police said she escaped from the back of a California Highway Patrol car while handcuffed. She'd initially been arrested on suspicion of driving a stolen car, authorities said. Belden was captured a few weeks later, allegedly driving another stolen car on Beachwood Drive on the outskirts of Merced. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Wipe old computer Dear Webby, What is a good, quick, and easy way to errase all information on a hard drive without deleting the operating system? David Do a search for *.doc, *.wpd, *.qpw, *.xls, *.mbx, *.toc,*.txt, *.jpg, *.gif, etc. and delete those. Also delete all files in the Attachment and Embedded folder of the mail program. You can clean cookies and history with CrapCleaner or Spybot-Search&Destroy. Then, if you want, you can use Spybot to shred the files in the recycle bin. Usually, though, it's just as fast to format and re-install Windows as it is to do a thorough job on cleaning a drive. You can call the manufacturer`s support and ask them how to do a format and re-install from the hidden safety copy of Windows. Since you don`t get disks with Windows anymore, they put it onto a hidden partition, that does not get touched when you format the machine. The procedure is fairly fast and easy, but not the same for all machines. Call support and have your machine model and numbers ready. Quite often they are put on a spot, that you can`t see when you use the machine. Just write them down and have them ready. They WILL ask for them! Have FUN! DearWebby

Paul came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Greg, noticed and asked Paul what happened. Paul replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Greg, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Paul, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $100 on the Stanley Cup play-offs and put my foot through the television screen."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thanks to Cookie for this: ALL GRANDPAS, HEED THIS WARNING : Do NOT lose your Grandkids in the Mall! ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ A small boy was lost at a large shopping mall. He approached a uniformed policeman and said, "I've lost my grandpa!" The cop asked, "What's he like?" The little boy hesitated for a moment and then replied, "Canadian Club whiskey and women with big boobs." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from 5 Tips for Winter Houseplants By Donna [433 Posts, 413 Comments]
  1. Add coffee grounds into your potting soil to maintain moisture during the winter months.
  2. Use your cooled veggie water to give your houseplants some natural fertilizer.
  3. Stand your plants on a bed of pebbles or shells and water the dish to maintain some moisture for the plants. Indoor winter heat plays havoc on plants.
  4. Dust your leaves to help them get maximum sunlight and try to group them together since it will increase their moisture support!
  5. Drop a few drops of hydrogen peroxide into your plant water. It helps prevent rot.
Tip provided by Be careful with the coffee grounds! Some plants don`t like their acidity at all! ____________________________________________________ Bob heard a rumor that his father, grandfather and great-grandfather had all walked on water on their 21st birthdays. So, on his 21st birthday, Bob and his good friend Brian headed out to the lake. "If they did it, I can too!" he insisted. When Bob and Brian arrived at the lake, they rented a boat and began paddling. When the got to the middle of the lake, Bob stepped off of the side of the boat ... and nearly drowned. When he tried to climb back into the boat, he tipped it, and Brian also nerly drowned. Hanging on to the capsized boat, they slowly pushed it back to shore. When Bob arrived back at the family farm, he asked his grandmother for an explanation. "Grandma, why can I not walk on water like my father, and his father, and his father before him did on their 21st birthday?" The feeble old grandmother took Bob by the hands, looked into his eyes, and explained, "That's because your father, grandfather, and great-grandfather were born in January. You were born in October." __________________________________________________
Headstones that defy expectations.
Hanging in the hallway at the High School are the basketball team pictures from the past 40 years. A player in the center of the front row in each picture holds a basketball identifying the year -- "62-63," "63-64," "64-65," etc. One day I spotted a freshman looking curiously at the photos. Turning to me, he said, "Isn't it strange how the teams always lost by one point?" I suggested he try out for football, or maybe boxing. ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
When the family car developed a slight knock, the husband asked his wife if she had bought regular or premium gas, but she couldn't remember. "You probably got the cheaper gas," he said. "That could account for the engine running so rough." "No, the gas wasn't cheaper!" she replied indignantly. "Well, how much did it cost?" asked the husband. "It cost the same as always," said the wife. "I bought the usual ten dollars worth." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 28, in 
1636 Harvard College was founded in Massachusetts. The
original name was Court of Massachusetts Bay Colony. It was
the first school of higher education in America. 

1776 The Battle of White Plains took place during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1793 Eli Whitney applied for a patent for his cotton gin. 

1886 The Statue of Liberty was dedicated in New York Harbor
by U.S. President Cleveland. The statue weighs 225 tons and
is 152 feet tall. It was originally known as "Liberty
Enlightening the World." 

1904 The St. Louis Police Department became the first to use

1919 The U.S. Congress enacted the Volstead Act, also known
as the National Prohibition Act. Prohibition was repealed in
1933 with the passing of the 21st Amendment to the U.S.

1922 Benito Mussolini took control of the Italian government
and introduced fascism to Italy. 

1936 The Statue of Liberty was rededicated by U.S. President
Roosevelt on its 50th anniversary. 

1940 During World War II, Italy invaded Greece. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman swore in Eugenie Moore
Anderson as the U.S. ambassador to Denmark. Anderson was the
first woman to hold the post of ambassador. 

1962 Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev informed the U.S. that
he had ordered the dismantling of Soviet missile bases in

1965 Pope Paul VI issued a decree absolving Jews of
collective guilt for the crucifixion of Jesus Christ. 

1965 The Gateway Arch along the waterfront in St. Louis, MO,
was completed. 

1976 John D. Erlichman, a former aide to U.S. President
Richard Nixon, entered a federal prison camp in Safford, AZ,
to begin serving his sentence for Watergate-related

1982 Soviet premier Leonid Brezhnev condemned the U.S. for
arms buildup. 

1983 The U.S. vetoed a U.N. Security Council resolution
"deeply deploring" the ongoing U.S.-led invasion of Grenada.

1985 John A. Walker Jr. and his son, Michael Lance Walker,
pled guilty to charges of spying for the Soviet Union. 

1986 The centennial of the Statue of Liberty was celebrated
in New York. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French manufacturer that produces the
abortion pill RU486, announced it would resume distribution
of the drug after the government of France demanded it do

1990 Iraq announced that it was halting gasoline rationing. 

1993 Ousted Haitian President Jean-Bertrand Aristide, called
for a complete blockade of Haiti to force out the military

1994 U.S. President Clinton visited Kuwait and implied that
all the troops there would be home by Christmas. 

2017  smiled.

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Fake bounces in email 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 27
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Thank You, Janice!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
34-year-old man charged in fatal shooting 
of 6 year old Justin Evans Jr
Today, Oct 27 in
1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name 
for its new synthetic yarn. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The Romans would never have found time to conquer the world if they had been obliged first to learn Latin. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A recent study found out which days men prefer to have sex. It was found that men preferred to engage in sexual activity on the days that started with the letter "T". Examples of those days are as follows: Tuesday Thursday Thanksgiving Today Tomorrow Thaturday Thunday In Australia, it's the days ending with "ee" like Mondee, Tuesdee, Wednesdee, Thursdee, Fridee, Saturdee and Sundee. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ While ferrying workers back and forth from our offshore oil rig, the helicopter I was in lost power and went down. Fortunately, it landed safely in a lake. Struggling to get out, one man tore off his seat belt, inflated his life vest, and jerked open the exit door. "Don't jump!" the pilot yelled. "This thing is supposed to float!" As the man leapt from the helicopter into the lake, he yelled back, "Yeah, and it's supposed to FLY too!" ------------------------ By the way, you are NOT supposed to inflate the life jacket until AFTER you are through the door. You might not make it through the door with an inflated life jacket, and really annoy the people behind you, having to stab your life jacket to let the air out. ______________________________________________________ Just came across this pictrue I took a few years ago. A rock formation about 80 Miles south of Globe, Arizona, and a few miles east of the highway. Doesn't she look like she is getting into a foul mood from waiting a lot longer than planned ? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Robert Anderson, 34, Milwaukee 34-year-old man charged in fatal shooting of 6 year old Justin Evans Jr 34-year-old Robert Anderson is now charged in connection with the death of six-year-old Justin Evans Jr., and Evans Jr.'s family got to look him in the eyes for the first time Tuesday, October 24th. Evans Jr. was fatally shot near 23rd and Finn in Milwaukee on July 22nd. He was stuck by a stray bullet while visiting his grandmother's home- as he was about to head up to Green Bay with family for a fishing trip. Anderson faces the following charges: First degree reckless homicide, as a party to a crime, use of a dangerous weapon, habitual criminality repeater Possession of a firearm by a felon, habitual criminality repeater He will probably plead guilty to reduced charges and be out on the street again way too soon. According to the criminal complaint, a confidential witness spoke with police about this case- and identified Anderson as the shooter in this incident. The witness was present at the time of the shooting. The witness told police Anderson was at 23rd and Finn and "was yelling at someone" to "get off (Anderson's) (expletive) block." The witness told investigators he saw Anderson "in the middle of the street, with a firearm in his right hand, running northbound toward 23rd and Finn." Anderson was "firing his handgun while he ran" and the witness indicated he "could see the handgun 'bucking up' in Anderson's hand while Anderson fired." According to the criminal complaint, a confidential witness spoke with police about this case- and identified Anderson as the shooter in this incident. The witness was present at the time of the shooting. The witness told police Anderson was at 23rd and Finn and "was yelling at someone" to "get off (Anderson's) (expletive) block." The witness told investigators he saw Anderson "in the middle of the street, with a firearm in his right hand, running northbound toward 23rd and Finn." Anderson was "firing his handgun while he ran" and the witness indicated he "could see the handgun 'bucking up' in Anderson's hand while Anderson fired." Little Justin Evans Jr. was struck in the heart. "When I turned and looked, blood was just coming out of him like a faucet," Kloss said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Mark Re: Lots of fake bounces Dear Webby, I use one email address to send mail, but a whole bunch of different ones to receive mail, so that it automatically gets sorted to billing, quotes, follow-up, support, etc. Those addresses are on the sites, and I can't change them, even though by now they are probably on most spammer's CDs because of their robots collecting them off the web. Now the spammers forge those addresses as their sender address, and I get all the bounces when they send spam to no longer existing addresses or addresses that are protected by MailWasher. You are probably in the same boat. How do YOU deal with the deluge of bounces? Mark Dear Mark yes, I am indeed in the same boat. Yesterday my MailWasher trashed over 2700 mails like that. Life sure would be tough without it! I use a filter that I made many years ago, when Senator McCain (or his staff) forged my old Yukon address as the sender address of their spam. The challenge is dealing with different subject lines. The more stupid and incompetent an ISP is, the more likely he will use a non-standard subject line for a bounce. To catch as many as possible you have to check for keywords in those subject lines. Make a filter that looks at the "Subject", select: "Regular Expression contains" and into the expression field paste this: (everything between the lines all one line, not wordwrapped like here) ------------------- failure delivery|Failure notice|DELIVERY FAILURE|failed delivery|returned mail|undeliverable|Delivery Status|Delivery notification|Undelivered|bulk email|Mail delivery ------------------ Then make a second criteria looking at the TO line. select: does NOT contain and into the data field put your normal send address. Just that send address, not the many recipient addresses that you use. Set the filter to delete, not report, hide. Hit OK, and it's done. There is no point reporting it, since the re-sender is just an incompetent ISP, who is too stupid to tell the difference between a forged and a real address, and cheerfully sends a bounce to a different IP number than where it came from. As far as spam reporting is concerned, it's no longer spam, but a moron malfunction. You can analyze the bounces. What you will find is that the bouncerd mail came from an open proxie or the machine of some gullible fool, who downloaded silly toolbars that included a trojan program, and now sends out spam on behalf of one or more spammers. The second criteria is quite important. It allows legitimate bounces to get to you. If one of your clients changes their email address without telling you, you need to know that, especially if it is your invoice that bounces back. If you have more than one legitimate sender address, use a regular expression there too, and separate the addresses with a pipe | . Have FUN! DearWebby

It's not difficult to make a woman happy. A man only needs to be: 1. a friend 2. a companion 3. a lover 4. a brother 5. a father 6. a master 7. a chef 8. an electrician 9. a carpenter 10. a plumber 11. a mechanic 12. a decorator 13. a stylist 14. a sexologist 15. a gynecologist 16. a psychologist 17. a pest exterminator 18. a psychiatrist 19. a healer 20. a good listener 21. an organizer 22. a good father 23. very clean 24. sympathetic 25. athletic 26. warm 27. attentive 28. gallant 29. intelligent 30. funny 31. creative 32. tender 33. strong 34. understanding 35. tolerant 36. prudent 37. ambitious 38. capable 39. courageous 40. determined 41. true 42. dependable 43. passionate 44. compassionate WITHOUT FORGETTING TO: 45. give her compliments regularly 46. love shopping 47. be honest 48. be very rich 49. not stress her out 50. not look at other girls AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO: 51. give her lots of attention, but expect little for himself 52. give her lots of time, especially time for herself 53. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she goes 54. give the authority, but never expect her to be responsible, because after all, it is the man's fault for giving her the authority. 55. give her the last word, no matter what the cost to his life and limb AND IT IS VERY IMPORTANT: 54. Never to forget:* birthdays, * anniversaries and * arrangements she makes with or without telling him about them. How To Make A Man Happy: 1. Show up naked 2. Fix him something to eat
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Thans to Jan for this story: The Sermon I think this Mom will never forget... this particular Sunday sermon... "Dear Lord," the minister began, with arms extended toward heaven and a rapturous look on his upturned face. "Without you, we are but dust." He would have continued but at that moment my very obedient daughter (who was listening!) leaned over to me and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice that all others could hear, "Mom, what is butt dust?" ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Swimming Noodle For Padding Bed Rails By Mardrey M. Bed rail padded with swim noodle. My husband has became bedridden and always hurting himself on bed railing. I picked up some swimming noddles and cut them the long way and wraped the top rail. Pipe insulation is out of season so I went with swimming noodles. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ “MELANIE (age 5) asked her Granny how old she was. Granny replied she was so old she didn't remember any more. Melanie said, "If you don't remember you must look in the back of your panties. Mine say five to six."” __________________________________________________
The most beautiful cemetery that was left out of "10 Historic Cemeteries that made death beautiful." Staglieno is the largest open air art museum in the world. Acres of marble monuments and statues.
One night George got really drunk. In the morning, he rolled over and sleeping peacefully beside him was the scariest girl he'd ever seen. Very quietly, he slipped his arm out from under her, got up, and dressed as fast as he could. He put a twenty-dollar bill on the bureau and started to tip-toe out. Just then he felt a tug on his pant leg. Looking down, he saw a girl just as scary loking as the one in the bed. She looked up at him, smiled a toothless smile, and asked, "What? Nothing for the bridesmaid?" ___________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A marine biologist was telling his friends about some of his most recent research findings. "Some whales can communicate at a distance of 300 miles," he said. "What the heck would one whale say to another 300 miles away?" asked his sarcastic friend. "I can't be sure," he expert said, "but it sounds something like 'Can you hear me now?'" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 27, in 
1659 William Robinson and Marmaduke Stevenson became the
first Quakers to be executed in America. 

1795 The United States and Spain signed the Treaty of San
Lorenzo. The treaty is also known as "Pinckney's Treaty." 

1858 Roland Macy opened Macy's Department Store in New York
City. It was Macy's eighth business adventure, the other
seven failed. 

1878 The Manhattan Savings Bank in New York City was robbed
of over $3,000,000. The robbery was credited to George
"Western" Leslie even though there was not enough evidence
to convict him, only two of his associates were convicted. 

1904 The New York subway system officially opened. It was
the first rapid-transit subway system in America. 

1925 Fred Waller received a patent for water skis. 

1927 The first newsreel featuring sound was released in New

1931 Chuhei Numbu of Japan set a long jump record at 26' 2

1938 Du Pont announced "nylon" as the new name for its new
synthetic yarn. 

1947 "You Bet Your Life," the radio show starring Groucho
Marx, premiered on ABC. It was later shown on NBC

1954 Marilyn Monroe and Joe DiMaggio were divorced. They had
been married on January 14, 1954. 

1962 The Soviet Union adds to the Cuban Missile Crisis by
calling for the dismantling of U.S. missile basis in Turkey.
U.S. President Kennedy agreed to the new aspect of the

1978 Egyptian President Anwar Sadat and Israeli Prime
Minister Menachem Begin were named winners of the Nobel
Peace Prize for their progress toward achieving a Middle
East accord. 

1994 The U.S. Justice Department announced that the U.S.
prison population had exceeded one million for the first
time in American history. 

1997 The Dow Jones Industrial Average dropped 554.26 points.
The stock market was shut down for the first time since the
1981 assassination attempt on U.S. President Reagan. 

2002 Luiz Inacio Lula da Silva was elected president of
Brazil in a runoff. He was the country's first elected
leftist leader. 

2003 Bank of America Corp. announced it had agreed to buy
FleetBoston Financial Corp. The deal created the second
largest banking company in the U.S.

2017  smiled.

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How to fix a slow computer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 26

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Dopey parents passed out in car
with baby on the back seat
Today, Oct 26 in
1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion 
washing machine. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) It is good to be without vices, but it is not good to be without temptations. --- Walter Bagehot (1826 - 1877) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Why A Ship Is Called "SHE" A ship is called "she" because there is always a great deal of bustle about her; there is usually a gang of men about', she has a waist and stays; it takes a lot of paint to keep her looking good; it is not the initial expense that breaks you, it is the upkeep; she can be all decked out; it takes an experienced man to handle her correctly, and without a man at the helm, she is absolutely uncontrollable. She shows her topsides, hides her bottom and, when coming into port, always heads for the buoys. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Dear Mom, Our scoutmaster told us all write to our parents in case you saw the flood on TV and worried. We are OK. Only two of our tents and four sleeping bags got washed away. Luckily, none of us got drowned because we were all up on the mountain looking for Jeff when it happened. Oh yes, please call Jeff's mother and tell her he is OK. He can't write because of the cast. I got to ride in one of the search & rescue jeeps. It was neat. We never would have found him in the dark if it hadn't been for the lightning. Scoutmaster Webb got mad at Hector for going on a hike alone without telling anyone. Hector said he did tell him, but it was during the fire so he probably didn't hear him. Did you know that if you put gas on a fire, the gas can will blow up? The wet wood still didn't burn, but one of our tents did. Also some of our clothes. Larry is going to look weird until his hair grows back. We will be home on Saturday if Scoutmaster Webb gets the car fixed. It wasn't his fault about the wreck. The brakes worked OK when we left. Scoutmaster Webb said that with a car that old you have to expect something to break down; that's probably why he can't get insurance on it. We think it's a neat car. He doesn't care if we get it dirty, and if it's hot, sometimes he lets us ride on the tailgate. It gets pretty hot with 10 people in a car. He let us take turns riding in the trailer until the highway patrolman stopped and talked to us. Scoutmaster Webb is a neat guy. Don't worry, he is a good driver. In fact, he is teaching his brother Doug how to drive. But he only lets him drive on the mountain roads where there isn't any traffic. All we ever see up there are logging trucks. This morning all of the guys were diving off the rocks and swimming out in the lake. Scoutmaster Webb wouldn't let me because I can't swim, and Jeff was afraid he would sink because of his cast, so he let us take the canoe across the lake. It was great. You can still see some of the trees under the water from the flood. Scoutmaster Webb isn't crabby like some scoutmasters. He didn't even get mad about the life jackets. He has to spend a lot of time working on the car so we are trying not to cause him any trouble. Guess what? We have all passed our first aid merit badges. When Rob dove in the lake and cut his arm, we got to see how a tourniquet works. Also Bruce and I threw up. Scoutmaster Webb said it probably was just food poisoning from the leftover chicken. He said they got sick that way with the food they ate in prison. I'm so glad he got out and become our scoutmaster. He said he sure figured out how to get things done better while he was doing his time. I have to go now. We are going into town to mail our letters and buy bullets and dynamite. Don't worry about anything. We are fine. Love, Dave ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kimberly McCaffrey, Sean Gannon Deland, Florida Dopey parents passed out in car with baby on the back seat An 8-month old child was found inside a car while two adults were passed out in the front seats early Tuesday morning, according to the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office. Authorities said that a deputy spotted the car in a Circle K parking lot on East New York Avenue in DeLand at about 3:15 a.m. Investigators said the driver’s side door was open and the car windows were fogged. The deputy said he saw a man and a woman unconscious in the front seats. Authorities said the child was in a car seat and was sweating profusely. The sheriff’s office said the child’s diaper was “saturated with fluids and leaking from the diaper edges around the legs.” In a report, the deputy also said that “the appearance of the baby was dirty and it appeared the baby had not been bathed in some time. The baby appeared to be hungry. The baby cried and reached for an empty bottle when she saw it.” The deputy said that when he woke the adults, the woman appeared confused and could not identify where she was. The deputy said the woman had difficulty spelling her name due to her level of impairment. The woman, Kimberly McCaffrey, was placed under arrest on child neglect charges. The deputy said he found a clear plastic baggie with white residue in her left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. Sean Gannon was in the front seat and the key was in the ignition. The deputy arrested Gannon on charges of driving with a suspended license. Authorities said the deputy observed track marks on the man’s inner arms, indicating intravenous drug use, and a used syringe was found in his left, front pocket. The body camera video from the police department shows the officer questioning McCaffrey. “Alright, what are we doing in the parking lot passes out with the door open and a baby in the backseat?” the officer asked. “I apologize,” McCaffrey said. The deputy tested the residue in the baggie and in the syringe, using a NARK #22 test kit. The results were positive for the presence of opiates, authorities said. The two were charged with possession of opiates and later taken to the Volusia County Jail. According to a report, McCaffrey’s mother said that she, “Had been down this road with Kimberly too many times and refused to take custody of the child.” A judge ordered McCaffrey not to have custody with her daughter without permission from the Department of Children and Families. The baby and her two older siblings were placed in foster care. Court records show this is McCaffrey’s first drug arrest in Volusia County. It’s Gannon’s ninth. “The opioid epidemic touches innocent lives every day,” a post on the Volusia County Sheriff’s Office Facebook page reads. Volusia County Sheriff Mike Chitwood said the county had 101 overdose deaths last year and 95 so far this year. “The problem is out of control and the collateral damage is the kids,” he said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annette Re: Slow Computer Dear Webby, my computer is so slow, I have a lot of songs saved , will that make the computer be so slow? also I had a lot saved in my Favorites, would that make it slow? I was just wondering why it is so slow, thanks, Annette. I enjoy your letter every day, keep up the good work. Annette Dear Annette Files saved and favorites stored don't slow down a computer. What slows it down are the following things: Viruses and Trojans Get rid of those with Malwarebytes Tool bars, Search bars and other spyware Get rid of those with Spybot-Search&Destroy Large IN, OUT and TRASH mailboxes Hard drives that are not properly defragmented Temp files and leftovers (Best for that is CrapCleaner from it's free! ) Have FUN! DearWebby

The school of agriculture's dean of admissions was inter- viewing a prospective student, "Why have you chosen this career?" he asked. "I dream of making a million dollars in farming, like my father," the student replied. "WOW! Your father made a million dollars in farming?" echoed the dean much impressed. "No," replied the applicant. "But he always dreamed of it."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Recipe: Beef Noodle Bake By Robin [5,887 Posts, 29 Comments] Ingredients: lb. ground beef 1 can chopped mushrooms, drained 1 tsp. salt 1/2 tsp. pepper 2 tsp. sugar 1 can tomato sauce (15oz.) 4 oz. noodles, uncooked 4 green onions, finely chopped 1 cup sour cream, plain or with chives 1 pkg. cream cheese (8oz.) 1/2 cup grated cheese Directions: Brown ground beef in skillet. Drain off any grease. Add mushrooms, salt, pepper, sugar and tomato sauce. Cover and simmer for 15 minutes. Cook noodles according to package directions; drain. Combine onions, using some of the green tops, with cream cheese and sour cream; blend well. In a greased 2 qt. casserole, spread 1/4 of the noodles, then 1/4 of the ground beef mixture, then spread with 1/4 sour cream mixture on top. Repeat 3 times. Top with cheddar cheese. Bake at 350 degrees F until it bubbles in the center, about 50 minutes if chilled and 35 minutes if unchilled. Makes 6-8 servings. By Robin from Washington, IA Tip provided by Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ If you know the Bible -- even a little -- you'll find this hilarious! This comes from a Catholic elementary school. Kids were asked questions about the Old and New Testaments. The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). 1. In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off 2. Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. 3. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. 4. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. 5. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 6. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 7. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. 8. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten attachments. 9. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple. 10. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. 11. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol. 12. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. 13. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 14. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 15. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the MagnaCarta. 16. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. 17. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. 18. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. 19. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." 20. It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 21. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. 22. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 23. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. 24. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. __________________________________________________
10 Historic cemeteries that made death beautiful.
___________________________________________________ When I was still in middle management, I had a reputation at work for being a strict boss. One day I was in the break room with another manager. I reached into the refrigerator for my lunch, which was packed in a Ace Hardware paper bag. My co-worker stopped in mid-bite and stared at me, looking a little tense. When I pulled my sandwich out of the bag, he sighed in relief. "What's the matter?" I asked him. "Uh, nothing," he replied. "I was just beginning to think you really DO eat nails for lunch."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Brian staggered into the house at two o'clock in the morning. As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife, Judy. Judy wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Brian had been until two o'clock in the morning. Brian looked at his wife's lover and demanded, "Who the heck is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?" Judy responded, "Don't go changing the subject! Where in the heck have you been so late?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 26, in 
1825 The Erie Canal opened in upstate New York. The 363-mile
canal connected Lake Erie and the Hudson River at a cost of

1858 H.E. Smith patented the rotary-motion washing machine. 

1881 The "Gunfight at the OK Corral" took place in
Tombstone, AZ. The fight was between Wyatt Earp, his two
brothers and Doc Holiday,
and the Ike Clanton Gang. 

1905 Norway gained independence from Sweden. 

1942 The U.S. ship Hornet was sunk in the Battle of Santa
Cruz during World War II. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf ended.
The battle was won by American forces and brought the end of
the Pacific phase of World War II into sight. 

1949 U.S. President Harry Truman raised the minimum wage
from 40 to 75 cents an hour. 

1951 Winston Churchill became the prime minister of Great

1955 New York City's "The Village Voice" was first

1957 The Soviet Union announced that defense minister
Marchal Georgi Zhukov had been relieved of his duties. 

1958 Pan American Airways flew its first Boeing 707 jetliner
from New York City to Paris. 

1962 The Soviet Union made an offer to end the Cuban Missile
Crisis by taking their missile bases out of Cuba if the U.S.
agreed to not invade Cuba and would remove Jupiter missiles
in Turkey. 

1967 The Shah of Iran crowned himself and his Queen after 26
years on the Peacock Throne. 

1972 U.S. National security adviser Henry Kissinger
declared, "Peace is at hand" in Vietnam. 

1975 Anwar Sadat became the first Egyptian president to
officially visit to the United States. 

1977 The experimental space shuttle Enterprise successfully
landed at Edwards Air Force Base in California. 

1979 South Korean President Park Chung-hee was shot to death
by Kim Jae-kyu, the head of the Korean Central Intelligence

1980 Israeli President Yitzhak Navon became the first
Israeli head of state to visit Egypt. 

1984 "Baby Fae" was given the heart of baboon after being
born with a severe heart defect. She lived for 21 days with
the animal heart. 

1985 Approximately 110,000 people marched past the U.S. and
Soviet embassies in London to pressure the two countries to
end their arms race. 

1988 Roussel Uclaf, a French pharmaceutical company,
announced it was halting the worldwide distribution of RU-
486. The pill is used to induce abortions. The French
government made the company reverse itself two days later. 

1988 Two whales were freed by Soviet and American
icebreakers. The whales had been trapped for nearly 3 weeks
in an Arctic ice pack. 

1990 The U.S. State Department issued a warning that
terrorists could be planning an attack on a passenger ship
or aircraft. 

1990 Wayne Gretzky became the first NHL player to reach
2,000 points. 

1991 Former Washington Mayor Marion Barry arrived at a
federal correctional institution in Petersburg, VA, to begin
serving a six-month sentence for cocaine possession. 

1992 General Motors Corp. Chairman Robert Stempel resigned
after the company recorded its highest losses in history. 

1992 In Canada, voters rejected the Charlottetown accord,
which was designed to unify the country. 

1993 Deborah Gore Dean was convicted of 12 felony counts of
defrauding the U.S. government and lying to the U.S.
Congress. Dean was a central figure in the Reagan-era HUD

1994 Prime Minister Yitzhak Rabin of Israel and Prime
Minister Abdel Salam Majali of Jordan signed a peace treaty.

1995 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) scored his 500th
National Hockey League (NHL) career goal against the New
York Islanders in his 605th game. He became the second-
fastest player to attain the plateau. Wayne Gretzky had
reached 600 goals by his 575th NHL game. 

1998 A French lab found a nerve agent on an Iraqi missile

2001 It was announced that Fort Worth's Lockheed Martin won
a defense contract for $200 billion over 40 years. The
contract, for the "joint strike fighter," was the largest
defense contract in history. 

2002 Russian authorities pumped a gas into a theater where
separatist rebels held over 800 hostages. The gas killed 116
hostages and all 50 hostage-takers were killed by the gas or
gunshot wounds.

2017  smiled.

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He can't find tools in Spybot 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 25

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy 
after setting boyfriend's house ablaze
Today, Oct 25 in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. --- J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976) Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. --- Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006) Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother: "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied: "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked: "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles." "I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked. Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest. The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy. The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!" And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and the cat peed on the matches!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Bonin, 26, Edgewater, Florida Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy after setting boyfriend's house ablaze A woman accused of stabbing an off-duty Volusia County deputy, who intervened in a fight between her and her boyfriend after she set his house on fire, faced a judge Sunday. Brittany Bonin, 26, was denied bail and faces charges of assault, battery and arson, authorities said. The judge placed Bonin on suicide watch and ordered a mental health evaluation, officials said. Bonin and her boyfriend got into a fight at his house on the 3300 block of Pine Tree Drive Saturday afternoon, officers said. The man ran to the nearby home of Captain Cliff Williams, an off-duty deputy, to seek assistance. After setting the man's house on fire, Bonin followed the man to the deputy's home and tried to attack him, police said. Williams, a 25-year veteran of VCSO and a former Marine, tried to shield the man from Bonin's attack and was stabbed in the process, police said. “It just goes to show you are never truly off duty,” said Sheriff Mike Chitwood. “He took a knife wound that was meant for someone else because his instinct was to step in as a protector. While Bonin faced a judge, her boyfriend's family cleaned up the mess police said she left behind. Deputy Williams was taken to Florida Hospital in New Smyrna Beach with injuries that are not life-threatening, police said. Edgewater Fire Rescue was able to extinguish the home. The structure can be rebuilt, but the interior is a total loss. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: No tools in spybot Dear Webby, in my copy of " spybot-search & destroy " there is no "tools" listed. is there a newer version available? daniel Dear Daniel Switch to advanced mode, then you see the tools in the left bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Light Bulb Vase By advaym [22 Posts, 4 Comments] Total Time: 10 minutes Supplies: 1 old lightbulb pliers any screwdriver thread safety goggles gloves Steps: First wear your goggles, safety is paramount. Hold the bulb tightly wearing gloves or wrap the bulb in cardboard and hold it. Take the pliers and pull out those small knobs at the base of the bulb. This type of bulb base is called a bayonet base. They should come out nicely, but with a little force. Then using your pliers pull out the silver soldering at the base of the bulb. Now using your screwdriver start chipping and breaking the black glass base of the bulb. Be gentle while doing this, the glass here is thick, but easily breaks off. Now using the screwdriver break the inside part of the bulb where the filament is located. Hold the bulb with a tight grip, but not too tight or else the glass itself will break. Once the inside is broken it should easily slide out! Voila! the bulb is empty! Wash the bulb once to remove all broken glass pieces. Now pass a thick thread through the holes so that we can hang the bulb! I've put a money plant in the bulb and put water in it. It now hangs nicely in my room! Tip provided by Tip provided by If you can`t find any French bayonet light bulbs, the procedure for standard lightbulbs is the same, except you don`t have to pull the little knobbies off. You hang the bulb with two clear fishing line nooses on opposite sides around the threads. You can use invisible 2 pound fly fishing line and make the bulb look like it is hovering. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this report: A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close; the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. ! Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Although many men in our rural area have difficulty accepting women's lib, my husband helps with the housework. One day he took over the vacuuming while I went to the store. The doorbell rang. It was one of his friends, a burly ranch foreman clad in a battered cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn boots. "I was just cleaning," my husband said somewhat abashed, turning off the vacuum. The rancher looked relieved. "That's all right," he said gruffly, handing my husband a white paper bag. "I'm delivering Avon!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks loads for the spybot tip. I have safely fixed my SLOW computer problems!!! Sharon ____________________________________________________

Today, October 25, in 
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the

1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian. 

1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of
Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to
attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and
suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that
the order was the result of confusion and was not given

1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was
the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 

1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia. 

1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, was
found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to a year
in prison and fined $100,000. 

1951 In Panmunjom, peace talks concerning the Korean War
resumed after 63 days. 

1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first

1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by The
Tappan Company. 

1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had
been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's pro-
Western government. 

1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was

1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos
were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
admit mainland China. 

1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations
invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection to
U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's Communist
(pro-Cuban) government. 

1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney
that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops
to Saudi Arabia. 

2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a
family of four separately traded companies (consumer,
business, broadband and wireless). 

2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the
remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew as
long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric tons. 

2017  smiled.

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Weed out start-up programs 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 24

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indicted Cleveland police officer 
slipped ankle monitor, escaped
Today, Oct 24 in
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed 
by the Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the 
Thirty Years War. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen "I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore." --- George Carlin Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. --- Dave Barry On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Allen for this story: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tommie Griffin, 51, Cleveland, Ohio Indicted Cleveland police officer slipped ankle monitor, escaped Authorities are actively looking for indicted Cleveland police officer Tommie Griffin. U.S. Marshal Pete Elliott confirms to Fox 8 that Tommie Griffin broke his ankle monitoring bracelet, and is on the run. Griffin was arrested back in January on charges related to the alleged beating and sexual assault of a 42 year-old woman in Parma. At the time, his bond was set at $250,000. Griffin, who is in his early 50’s, is a patrol officer with the Cleveland Division of Police. He was hired back in 1994. He was suspended without pay after his arrest, pending the outcome of the criminal case against him. Griffin initially faced charges that included felonious assault, kidnapping and rape for the alleged attack. Back in January, Capt. Kevin Riley of the Parma Police Department said Griffin was accused of pistol-whipping the woman and pointing a gun at her. Parma police also said Griffin allegedly fired two shots while holding the gun next to the woman, who police said was sexually assaulted during the attack. An escape warrant has been issued for Griffin. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Start-Up programs Dear Webby, I hope you can help me with this problem I'm having trying to get rid of startup things..I go to msconfig then start up then uncheck the things that I want not to start up..and then I shut down as instructed..but beholed all is back at start up... all are checked's driving me to drink..not a bad drive..but that's another story.. Thank you in advance for your expert help..... Gary Dear Gary Use Spybot-Search&Destroy! It is on the side menu about half way down. In it's TOOLS, look for System StartUp and take checkmarks off anything you don't like. It shows you good descriptions of each item. Here is an example: ==================== Current filename: "C:\Program Files\QuickTime\qttask.exe" - atboottime Database status: Not required - virus, spyware, malware or other resource hog Value: QuickTime Task Filename: qttasks.exe Description _CoolWebSearch_ parasite variant ==================== Just take the checkmark off stuff like that, and exit. Next time you reboot, that item will be ignored and won't be loaded. If you ever need that resource hogging parasite again, simply put the checkmark back onto that item. As an added bonus, Item that were added since the last time you changed any settings, are shown in BOLD, to alert you to them. I couldn't really ask for anything simpler and more straight forward than that. And it's FREE! Just click on the button for it on the right side of the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy. If you tell the Congress to secure a building, they will form two separate commissions to study which security contractors will provide the best bribe packages, ahem incentives.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from >Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers in about 10 days using Borax and Cornmeal. This requires 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. First, cover the bottom a tub with a thin layer of this powder. Then place your flowers on top of this layer. Slow add more of the powder until the flowers are covered. It's best to not pour the mixture directly on the flowers (it may squish them), but off to the side, letting it cover the flowers as the tub fills up. Once the flowers are covered, let them sit for 10 days. Sand can be substituted for the borax but it takes 16 days for the flowers to dry if you use sand. Tip provided by Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From Bobbie: On vacation this year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranchowner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "YOU ? Making your own bed every morning?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 24, in 
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the
Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years

1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia. 

1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the
phosphorous friction safety match. 

1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent
when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a
telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 

1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to
go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years

1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million
shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black

1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened
for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 

1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first
time in Wilmington, DE. 

1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect
under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 

1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less
than a month after the end of World War II. 

1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was
in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War
Investigating Committee. 

1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuba had begun on August 6, 1960.

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces
went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation
for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The
U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 

1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-
carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton
presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 

1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a
Jordanian was convicted in an attempted bombing. The
evidence in the trial led to the belief that Syria was
involved in the attack on the Israeli jetliner. 

1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
win the World Series. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation
that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all
of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use
of the Internet. 

2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 

2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully
entered orbit around Mars. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the
release of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney

2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde
flight landed.

2017  smiled.

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Recording radio onto CD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her 
stuff while she was at the hospîtal with 
the dying toddler
Today, Oct 23 in
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average 
plunged starting the stock-market crash that began 
the Great Depression. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this: These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what! were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________________________________________ And the best for last ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Earl Vickers, 31, in jail Florida Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her stuff while she was at the hospîtal with the dying toddler An unimaginable story out of florida, where a 31-year-old man is accused of fatally beating his girlfriend's 17-month- old son—then stealing her belongings and pawning them off while she was at the hospital with the dying toddler. David earl vickers called 911 on aug. 21 to report the boy, luca sholey, was unresponsive and not breathing, the miami herald reports. After two days in the hospital, luca was declared brain-dead from "injuries ... Consistent with child abuse," per a police statement cited by people; he died aug. 25 as a result of blunt trauma to his brain and asphyxia. He also had bruises on his chest and six broken ribs. On aug. 27, luca's mother reported her car stereo and laptop were missing, and she told police she "found out that he [vickers] had pawned the car stereo, so she suspected that the laptop was pawned as well," a police detective tells people. Police recovered the stolen items. They say vickers took the stereo on aug. 21, before luca went to the hospital, and pawned it for $30, and that he took the laptop and charger when luca's mom was at the hospital with the toddler and pawned them for $60. Vickers was charged with crimes related to the alleged thefts on aug. 30. After an investigation in which they found vickers had allegedly physically abused luca on several occasions before his death, police arrested him thursday and charged him with second-degree murder and aggravated child abuse. He'd been watching luca and his 3- year-old sister on the day luca was fatally injured, and he told police luca had been knocked down the stairs by an older sibling, abc action news reports. Vickers had just been released from prison in may after serving nearly three years for trafficking in stolen property and defrauding a pawnbroker. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Recording radio onto CD Dear Webby, I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon By compressing it to MP3 or MP4 you can fit a lot more than the original air time onto a CD. There are lots of ways to do that: ... &meta= Ignore the ads on top and go to the real search results below. Take your pick! Have FUN! DearWebby

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Marking Seed Rows Use paper seed packages as markers for rows of seeds. Just cover the seed package with clear contact paper to prevent it from the elements and slip over a small stake. Tip provided by Tip provided by If you need stakes, go to Home Depot or a similar building supply store, and ask for "Grade Stakes" or "Short Survey Stakes". They come in bundles and are cheap. To keep your seed lines perfectly straight, run dental floss between the end stakes. It is much stronger and much cheaper than any twine you can buy. You can re-use it for many years if you wind it up on the stakes at the end of the season. ____________________________________________________ I was walking when I noticed a woman walking cautiously and apparently painfully. The woman was wearing thongs, her black patent pumps held high in one hand and her other hand outstretched for balance. "You poor babe, your feet must really hurt," I said as she was about to pass me. "Wet toenails," she said tersely. __________________________________________________
How would you like to stay in a snow hotel? Slide show.
___________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 23, in 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen.
Samuel R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri
that were under Gen. Stirling Price. 

1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States. 

1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY. 

1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great

1942 During World War II, the British began a major
offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 

1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New
York for the first time. 

1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising. 

1956 NBC broadcast the first videotape recording. The tape
of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 

1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the
honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the
award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval
"quarantine" of Cuba was approved by the Council of the
Organization of American States (OAS). 

1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 

1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 

1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin was

1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address
the U.N. General Assembly. 

1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years
of Soviet rule. 

1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 

1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn

1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and
Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a
land-for-peace West Bank accord. 

1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 

2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and
Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with
Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall
2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring of

2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In
2010, it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent
to Mars. 

2017  smiled.

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Sorting in WORD 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman who falsely accused soldier of rape
is jailed for five years
Today, Oct 22 in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. --- Dan Quayle The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do. -- B. F. Skinner Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely avoided. Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, ane because she was such a bitch during the divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in exstasy. For my last wish... "I'd like to give birth to twins". ______________________________________________________ Banff _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebecca Palmer, 26, in jail in England Woman who falsely accused soldier of rape is jailed for five years Rebecca Palmer, 26, was sentenced after she made fake allegations against a 22-year-old soldier after he "rejected her". Rebecca Palmer, 26, had “consensual sexual activity” with the 22-year-old, a court heard. But when the soldier – serving with the King’s Royal Hussars, based in Tidworth, Wilts – ended things she made a string of allegations, including rape. Jurors heard Palmer also said she was pregnant but claimed to have lost the baby in a purported suicide bid. Prosecutor Joanne Jakymec said: “On being rejected by him [she] embarked on a malicious campaign which led to him being arrested on more than one occasion and held in custody.” At Winchester crown court Palmer, of Swindon, was found guilty of perverting justice. She also admitted malicious communications and perverting the course of public justice. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sam and Anni are at the beach sitting on a blanket. A man with a body of a dancer wearing a bikini swimsuit walks by. Sam: Hmm... Want ME to wear a Speedo? Anni: No. Sam: Why not? I've got nothing to hide. Anni: That's the problem.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Check shipping before buying online Note the Shipping Charge When Bidding On Online Auctions You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for the product, but have a really high shipping price. Never bid on an item until you have calculated the cost of your bid and the shipping charge. Tip provided by If you want to see why I feel so strongly about it, have a look at a typical example that I uploaded: The item was a little circuit board that could have been shipped by mail in a padded envelope. Don't just not bid, tell the seller what kind of shipping is acceptable to you, and what isn't. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Trevor for this story: A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?" __________________________________________________
Well, this is a different table.
___________________________________________________ A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ross for these anecdotes of a Washington DC area travel agent, who thinks she understands from these anecdotes why we are having problems in the US. I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Following are examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massawhosits, Cape town is in Africa," Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state! 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, “But they look so close on the map." 5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that's very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." 10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi- Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" So I booked her on a flight to Whatever, Alaska. 11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" 12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 22, in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University. 

1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first
constitutionally elected president of the Republic of Texas.

1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected
to come to an end according to the followers of William

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began
withdrawing money from many New York banks. 

1939 The first televised pro football game was telecast from
New York. Brooklyn defeated Philadelphia 23-14. 

1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island. 

1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The
spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times. 

1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi, who had
been installed in Iran by the CIA, was allowed into the U.S.
for medical treatment. 

1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization
was decertified by the federal government for its strike the
previous August. 

1983 At the Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia, an
armed man crashed a truck through front gates and demanded
to speak with U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986
into law. 

1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade
Association agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations
by the year 1993. 

1998 Pakistan's carpet weaving industry announced that they
would begin to phase out child labor. 

1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in
which it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 

1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications

2010 The International Space Station set the record (3641
days) for the longest continuous human occupation of space.
It had been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 

2017  smiled.

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How to quickly recognize a spoof or scam 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 21

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found 
in Florida child porn raid
Today, Oct 21 in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
America is a mistake, a giant mistake. --- Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put an ice cube into the cup so that I could drink the coffee soon. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost eight years. If I took it down, I would go out of business." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "It`s close to the end of my shift and I don`t want to make another pot of coffee. I thought you wanted more coffee." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randall Drake, 24, Dunedin, Florida Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found in Florida child porn raid Authorities say they found three explosive devices and other weapons during a child porn raid at a Florida home. A Pinellas County Sheriff's Office news release says 24- year-old Randall Drake was arrested Wednesday and charged with two counts of unlawfully making, possessing or attempting to make a destructive device. Authorities say detectives found a locked closet while serving a warrant at Drake's Dunedin home, where he lives with his parents. Besides finding tubes filled with gunpowder and wicks, investigators also found aerial photos of two Hillsborough County schools and a water treatment facility. Deputies removed 20 guns, 15 knives, a baseball bat with protruding nails, a crossbow, brass knuckles and gun powder from the home. Drake was free on $20,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby, I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station home type router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and not your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get proper equipment and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby

A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try. "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing. He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row. The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo- gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you. After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Say "No" to Rent-To-Own Avoid Rent-To-Own stores like the plague. They offer horrible financing which will result in your having to pay at least double for any products you buy. You are much better served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a low interest credit card, or better yet, depositing money into savings account every month so you can buy the product outright. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ From Phil Friday, we had a tornado drill. We're underneath a parking garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!" (Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER) __________________________________________________
A rare thread called "sea silk.
___________________________________________________ A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. Monday he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water, and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?!?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it; MY maid said hot water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Sarah would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll go to Walmart and buy curtains." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 21, in 
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor. 

1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of
Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 

1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O'Connell, was put on
exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 

1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 

1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 

1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War
I near Nancy, France. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter. 

1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY. 

1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had
fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.

1927 In New York City, construction began on the George
Washington Bridge. 

1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops. 

1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first

1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 

1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New
York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 

1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC,
in opposition to the Vietnam War. 

1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there and
to kick out the Cubans. 

1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The
action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five
American diplomats. 

1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was
released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 

1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring
North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to

1998 Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's
first female commissioner. 

2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions. 

2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's
offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the
communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons

2017  smiled.

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How to recognize scams 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton
during alleged drug deal
Today, Oct 20 in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. ---Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ From Hania At a wedding ceremony, the soft-spoken pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and the groom. "Speak now, or forever hold your peace" he implored. That moment of utter silence was broken when a young woman carrying a child stood up and started walking toward the pastor, slowly. The new-born's whimpers echoed inside the church. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groomsmen gave each other "knowing" looks. The groom's mother fainted. The Bride's parents quickly escorted their daughter out of the chapel. The Groom turned beet red in embarrassment as onlookers left the ceremony in a panic. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back of the chapel." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Phil I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!!!'' ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper Georgia Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton during alleged drug deal Six people in Canton face serious charges after they were arrested in connection with an armed robbery which happened Thursday night. Police said a group of suspects set up the victim to meet them on Jefferson Circle last Thursday. According to officers, the armed suspects then stole cash and narcotics from the victim and drove away. The victim called 911 to report the crime and police were able to catch up with the suspects during a traffic stop. Officials seized the gun used in the robbery, as well as what investigators call "a felony amount of drugs." Those arrested were: William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper All were charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault, and possession of cocaine with intent to distribute Police said charges are also forthcoming on Shaud Pinzon, 20, of Duluth, who was identified by investigators as the victim. Those charges could include possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, according to police. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annelise Re: Recognize Spoofs Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to recognize spoofs like the fake mails from PayPal, banks and postcards? Annelise Dear Annelise Yes, there is. Hover your mouse over the embedded links and watch the bottom status line. It will show you where the link actually goes to. If it goes to some number domain instead of the one it pretends to go to, or to a Russian domain (, or any domain other than where it pretends to go to, then trash that mail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Additional Warranties at Checkout At checkout at electronic stores, the clerk will always offer you an additional warranty. The script usually sounds a little like this: "Would like addition buyers protection on this product for only $20.00". Only buy products that have good warranties in the first place, and say "No" when a checker offers you an impulse warranty on electronics. If you are afraid that the product will not last past the manufacturers warranty, it's probably not worth buying. Also, your credit card may offer extended warranties on purchased items already. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________ One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy." __________________________________________________
Well preserved modernist homes of pre-revolutionary Cuba.
___________________________________________________ A YOUNG WOMAN inherited a home that had been built by distant relatives. Before she could take possession of the property, however, government surveyors had to decide whether it was located in the United States or Canada. When they declared the home was just inside the U.S. border, the young woman was very much relieved. “I’m glad to hear that,” she admitted. “I’ve been told that Canadian winters are quite severe.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver from for this joke: Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smell nice?" The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 20, in 
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.

1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of
America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all
citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage all
horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting,
exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions
and entertainment." 

1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase. 

1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary
between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel. 

1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War
for Independence. 

1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman
Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum. 

1892 The city of Chicago dedicated the World's Columbian

1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S.
concerning a dispute over the boundary between Canada and
the District of Alaska. 

1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World
Series game for the first time. 

1930 "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" debuted on NBC

1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist

1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve
in Germany. 

1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines. 

1944 During World War II, the Yugoslav cities of Belgrade
and Dubrovnik were liberated. 

1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry. It drove the
Communists underground and made them call themselves
Socialists and Liberals.

1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in

1957 Walter Cronkite began hosting "The 20th Century." The
show aired until January 4, 1970. 

1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 

1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated. 

1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry to
limit the violence in their programs. 

1994 The website was launched. 

1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that
banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific. 

2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without
safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally
performing a stunt. 

2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.

2017  smiled.

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Is a firewall necessary? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 19
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out 
of jail in wacky escape. 
Today, Oct 19 in
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the aged president of the company was out of town, half a dozen of his senior executives got together to plan some way to ease the old coot out of the driver's seat. To their horror, the executive VP's secretary buzzed him halfway through the meeting to inform him that the president had come back early and was on his way to see him. "If he catches us all here he'll know exactly what we're up to," cried the VP. "Quick, you five jump out the window!" "But we're on the thirteenth floor," protested the treasurer. "Jump!" yelled the VP. "This is no time for superstition!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Peanut brain gang Walker County Jail Alabama 12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out of jail in wacky escape. 11 of 12 got caught the same day, the 12th on the next day 800 Miles away. Twelve inmates at Walker County Jail in Alabama used peanut butter to fool a newbie prison guard so they could escape on Sunday, reported. But authorities hunted them down quickly. 11 were in custody the same evening. Spreading the sticky lunch favorite, the men covered a number on a door to the outside. The new guard in the control room thought he was unlocking a cell door remotely for inmates who yelled to him to open up. But really, the guard was leading them on the way to freedom, Sheriff James Underwood told CNN. The inmates then used blankets to climb a 12-foot fence topped with razor wire. “Changing numbers on doors with peanut butter ? It may sound crazy, but these kinds of people are crazy like a fox,” Underwood said at a news conference. Bradley Andrew Kilpatrick, 24, who was jailed on drug charges, was the only inmate still free as of Monday night, according to the New York Daily News. He was caught Tuesday after his sister and her fiancee had driven him to Florida. Now they are jailed too. “Escapes happen,” Underwood said, per AP. “We’ve got some evil people down here, and they scheme all the time to con us and our employees at the jail. You’ve got to stay on your toes. This is one time we slipped up. I’m not going to make any excuses.” Jail breaks are serioous felonies, skipping to a different state makes it an interstate crime. By the time that 12th guy gets out into sunshine again, dope will have gone out of fashion. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Disable Firewall? Dear Webby, I have had Norton/Symantic Anti Virus, internet security and a firewall installed on my pc when I bought it 3 months ago. Out of the blue, I could not send and receive e mails, so I called Road Runner Tech Support. The tech made me disable the firewall. Now I can get e mails, but have no firewall. Should I just keep the firewall disabled???? Thanks, Ann S Dear Ann NO! Do NOT disable your firewall! What a MORON! Firewalls are not sold to be disabled. They are sold to protect you. I have not recommended Norton since 2000, but even Norton's firewall is better than no firewall at all. I would suggest getting MalwareBytes or McAfee. If that is not in the budget right now, enable the built in Microsoft firewall. It works, and it is free. Contact support at the maker of your computer and get them to step you through enabling the Microsoft firewall. Dont delay that! Do it now! Have FUN! DearWebby

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Store Return Policies Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you know and understand their return policies, and how they apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase. Tip provided by Some, like Walmart, want you to send warranty items to the manufacturer. ____________________________________________________
Life of flowers
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at AOL on the Help Desk. __________________________________________________
Real world fairy-tale landscapes.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Teresa for this story: A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What´s your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken´s mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________ Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did in the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew all his money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest. He demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and Last Rites.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Connie R I'm sure you've heard from the news that 100 years ago a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck San Francisco. BUT did you know what else happened in California approximately 100 years ago????? 1. California became a State. 2. The State had no electricity. 3. The State had no money. 4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. 5. There were gun fights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today, except the women didn't have earthquake proof breasts and men didn't hold hands. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 19, in 
1765 In the U.S., The Stamp Act Congress met and drew up a
declaration of rights and liberties. 

1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was
to be the last major battle of the American Revolutionary

1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat
out of Russia after a month of chasing the fleeing Russian

1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC. 

1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control. 

1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee. 

1937 "Woman's Day" was published for the first time. 

1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in
Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R.,
Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims
and cooperation between the nations. 

1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be
allowed into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service

1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean
capital of Pyongyang. 

1951 U.S. President Truman signed an act officially ending
the state of war with Germany. 

1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products. 

1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-
Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 

1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City. 

1984 Four U.S. employees of the CIA were killed in El
Salvador when their plane crashed. 

1987 The Dow Jones industrial average dropped 508 points. It
was the worst one-day percentage decline, 22.6%, in history.

1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 

1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of

1998 In Washington, DC, Microsoft went on trial to defend
against an antitrust case. 

1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear during a fight. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the
banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44
days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5. 

2009 The international version of Amazon's Kindle 2 was

2017  smiled.

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Camera recommendation 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 18
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret 
theft and car chase.
Today, Oct 18 in
Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. 
The marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Again and again, the impossible problem is solved when we see that the problem is only a tough decision waiting to be made. --- Robert H. Schuller ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Byron for this story: Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!". When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopailians. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find somebody sitting in a chair. Kill that person!" The man entered the killing room and came right back out. The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don'! t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to go into the room and kill the person sitting on the chair. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ THanks to Dianne for this sage advice: 5 secrets to a perfect relationship 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man is good in bed and loves making love to you. 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, (green hair) Lamonica McGee, 23, St. Louis, Missouri 3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret theft and car chase. St. Louis, Missouri — Three women have been charged with stealing more than $7,000 worth of Victoria’s Secret merchandise. Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, and Lamonica McGee, 23, are facing felony stealing charges. Hemphill is also facing an additional charge of resisting arrest. The crime that began at Victoria’s Secret ended in a car fire on Highway 64/40. Police say the women entered a Victoria’s Secret in the Meadows shopping center in Lake St. Louis, walked to the front displays and began stacking clothing that had been spread out on display tables. After the women made numerous stacks they took the clothing and ran out, police say. Lake St. Louis Police say the women drove off in a 2007 Nissan Altima. Police tried to stop their car as it fled east on Interstate 64. During the pursuit the driver struck a curb and blew out the tire. Driving on an exposed rim, the suspects fled east on 64/40 with officers following them. Eventually, the driver pulled over near Spoede Road and the car caught fire, likely due to the heat and sparks from the rims grinding against the roadway. All but one lane of eastbound Highway 64/40 was closed at Spoede and the westbound lanes, while open, were heavily slowed by curious gawkers slowing down and taking pictures. None of the suspects were injured and the 3 women were arrested. Bond for the suspects is set at $10,000 each. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Camera recommendation Dear Webby, Hi, There. Thanks for all the information you give us. It really helps us who have a trouble by times! HA! HA! My question is this: I'm in the market for a new camera. Wondering what is the best buy. I don't do anything fancy, just take photos but I want to be able to take good photos. Love landscapes, birds, butterflies etc. Especially flowers. I have a KodakEasyShare that is around 15-20 years old and it's time to upgrade. Any suggestions? Thanks for all the jokes, they make my morning. And also thanks for all the info on the sidebar. Have used some of the info and there are some fantastic programs there for everything that anyone might need. Keep up the good work and stay healthy Wendy Dear Wendy If I had the money for a new camera, I would buy a Canon Powershot. There are various models for various budgets. Even the lowest cost version is a great camera. Check Price Grabber, Amazon, Walmart, etc., for new ones. Have FUN! DearWebby

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing. Finally one catc hes his breath and tells her, "Yes, we have 710 caps for Buicks."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Changing a Hot Light Bulb If you don't want to wait a few minutes for the light bulb to cool down, just use an oven mitt to untwist the hot bulb. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Christian cuss words
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher) A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night ---early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren. __________________________________________________
Saint Simons Island Tree Spirits.
___________________________________________________ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ___________________________________________________ Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team. A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy, and said, "Isn't that a coincidence -- I work for 3M." The other father took off like a shot -- the nurse ran after him, saying, "Where are you going?" Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks! here who weren't quite as bad as you I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves" Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what made her famous. Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . "OK, Monica, you can go upstairs." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The
marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 

1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant

1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the
boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania. 

1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph

1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War. 

1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars (2
cents per acre). 

1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened. 

1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from

1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled
that women were to be considered as persons in Canada. 

1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during World
War II. 

1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-
equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks. 

1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art
Linkletter's show. 

1961 Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's
Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that
the painting had been hanging upside down. 

1968 Two black athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, were
suspended by the U.S. Olympic Committee for giving a "black
power" salute during a ceremony in Mexico City. 

1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to
evidence that they caused cancer. 

1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death
after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec
Liberation Front (FLQ). French president DeGaulle and his
"Quebec Libre" speech ahd gotten the FLQ all excited, but
after not enough financial help from France and a referendum
a couple years later, they had to back down.

1977 Reggie Jackson tied Babe Ruth's record for hitting
three homeruns in a single World Series game. Jackson was
only the second player to achieve this. 

1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission. 

1985 South African authorities hanged black activist
Benjamin Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a
police officer. 

1989 Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after
Erich Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18

1989 The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission
that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe. 

1990 Iraq made an offer to the world that it would sell oil
for $21 a barrel. The price level was the same as it had
been before the invasion of Kuwait. 

1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and
present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 

2013 Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat
on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the seat
on December 6.

2017  smiled.

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Image stabilizer 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 17
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested 
at Clayton Co. gas station
Today, Oct 17 in
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Corey Humes, Chassity Thomas, Clayton County, Georgia Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested at Clayton Co. gas station Authorities arrested a murder suspect Thursday at a gas station in Clayton County. The Clayton County Sheriff's Office said Corey Humes was found sitting in a car in the parking lot outside the QT on Upper Riverdale. Humes is accused of shooting and killing a man after a drug deal went bad in Houston County. "Humes did not stand a chance," the Clayton County Sheriff's Office said in a news release on Friday. "Deputies surrounded him so quickly that he did not have time to reach for the 32 caliber Beretta that his girlfriend Chassity Thomas was sitting on." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby, I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby

This is an ancient classic: A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Paperclip Bookmark A paper clip works well as a bookmark, especially if you are carrying books in a bag or backpack. The paperclip won't fall out the way a loose bookmark can. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Evolution of Music
____________________________________________________ A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the handle." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust nobody no more!" __________________________________________________
This street artist is painting fake shadows and making people do double takes.
___________________________________________________ At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ___________________________________________________ Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours. OOOPS!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 17, in 
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George
II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of
exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga,
NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany. 

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed
from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria
attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted
until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full
U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified
radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit
the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused
about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara
were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his
execution in Bolivia. 

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened
to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's
other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam
and Las Vegas. 

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th
victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck
to become the record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the
assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel
2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because
of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of
Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a
normal troop rotation. 

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was
kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was
released on April 8, 2002. 

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved
a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-
foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was
planned to open for business in 2004. 

2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center. 

2017  smiled.

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Sorting bookmarks in Chrome 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 16
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
GA man used ax during robbery; 
wore high visibility Pokémon backpack
Today, Oct 16 in
1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jones came into the office, an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" his boss asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit´s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson´s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gina for this story: When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself. As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken, please." ______________________________________________________ Onion Harvest in Nevada _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Funzail Woods, 29, Atlanta GA GA man used axe during robbery; wore high visibility Pokémon backpack Funzail Woods was arrested after using an axe as a weapon at the Target store on Piedmont Road in Buckhead, according to police. Investigators said the man walked over to the electronics section, “where he took a cell phone out of a package and proceeded to put it in his pocket. When he was approached by the manager, he actually presented an axe. The manager, of course, backed off,” said Officer Lisa Bender, Atlanta Police Department. Woods then ran out the store. The 911 alert went out to Zone 2 officers. By then, Woods had changed his shirt. “But he didn't change his backpack. So, I think that's what got him,” said Officer Bender. “The man took off running when he saw police. And he did have a Pokémon backpack, so those are normally a bright color and typically easy to spot.” Woods allegedly showed his weapon to one of the officers, but apparently figured that wasn't such a good idea. Close by on Sidney Marcus, Atlanta Police said he tossed the backpack into the street. It was too late to make a getaway. By then several officers surrounded him and took him into custody. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Thomas Re: Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Dear Webby, Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Thanks Thomas Dear Thomas Yes, you can, but it is top secret. Open your web browser. CTRL SHIFT o That is the Bookmarks Manager. Click on the Organise button Reorder by title. Chrome unfortunately is rather incompetent when it comes to sorting bookmarks. They want you to google for new stuff, not go to where you have already been, and especially not where you have been recently, before you got rudely interrupted by your boss. You can NOT sort the bookmarks by date or by URL. If you want that, you need the Dewey The Dewey is actually a program, that you add as an extension to Chrome. It is a complete bookmarks manager. You will probably never use all the features it has, but the quick sorting by date or URL is very handy. You can even add tags like PRAYER to bookmarks, and then have searches limited to bookmarks, that have a chosen tag. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist,"the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Fake books for Halloween decoration By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Faux Books for Halloween By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Supplies: paper mache book boxes black paint white paint gold paint paint brushes clear coat, optional Steps: Paint the outside of books (skipping the pages area and the spine details). Once the paint is dry, paint the inside of the box. I recommend doing 2 coats of paint. Paint the spine details with the gold paint. For the pages, I mixed white and gold paint together to give them an aged look. Stack your faux books and use them as part of your Halloween decorations. You can also store treats or small items in them too. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
We fall to pieces
____________________________________________________ Thanks to kati for this story: Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. __________________________________________________
Line Rider Perfectly Synced to Edvard Grieg’s Mountain King
___________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now." ___________________________________________________ >From Ida My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free newspapers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held next Thursday ____________________________________________________

Today, October 16, in 
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT.
The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name
to Yale College. 

1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 

1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America
opened. The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2
a day and included four meals. 

1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry,
VA (now located in West Virginia). 

1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to
install indoor plumbing. 

1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic
in New York City, NY. 

1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute
the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start
of the Disney Company. 

1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted
electric light bulb. 

1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow.
Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating
150,000 Jews. 

1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened with
a ribbon cutting ceremony. 

1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were
missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis. 

1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the
world's fifth nuclear power. 

1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. 

1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed
Gamal Abdel Nassar. 

1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of
the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the

1978 Poland's Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope John
Paul II. 

1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a
ballistic missile from a submarine. 

1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well
that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. She was trapped
for 58 hours. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-
Rudman budget reduction law that ordered federal programs
be cut by $16.1 billion. 

1990 Comedian Steve Martin and his wife Victoria Tennant
visited U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. 

1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of
U.S. warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase
pressure on the controlling military leaders. 

1994 German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was re-elected to a
fourth term. 

1995 The "Million Man March" took place in Washington, DC. 

1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that
they would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-
Day memorial to be placed in Virginia. 

2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying
Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was
called Chevron Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest oil
company in the world. 

2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S.
that it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation
of an 1994 agreement with the U.S. 

2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to
five years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a
federeal investigation of the energy company Enron. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television
episodes sold.

2017  smiled.

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Which search engine? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 15
Have Fun!

Thank you Joseph!!

Todays Bonehead Award:
New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush
Today, Oct 15 in
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?" "Yall have to use both hands, Betty-Sue" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darren Bridges, 30, New Orleans, New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush A New Orleans police officer was fatally shot on Friday by Darren Bridges, a Convicted Felon. He was ambushed as he and his patrol team stepped out of their car to investigate something suspicious shortly after midnight. Other officers returned fire, wounding a suspect who eventually surrendered to a SWAT team, police said. “Our officer collapsed right there on the scene” and died at a hospital, Police Superintendent Michael Harrison told reporters at an early morning news conference. “They were on routine patrol,” he said. “They saw something that aroused their suspicion. They were exiting the vehicle and upon exiting the vehicle, what we have learned is that this perpetrator fired at our officer, striking our officer.” The wounded suspect, a man about 30 years old, fled into an apartment, which was surrounded by a SWAT team. Police negotiators eventually persuaded him to give up. “There was a peaceful surrender after long negotiations,” Harrison said. Bridges has a lengthy criminal record stretching back many years. The killer was taken to a hospital with several gunshot wounds and arrested. It is not known yet whether Bridges attempted "Suicide by cop" or just wanted a lifetime of free room and board. In East New Orleans cops travel 4 per car, and he had no chance of getting away with his ambush. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Which Search Engine Dear Webby, You seem to be able to find an answer to just about anything. What kinds of search engine do you use ? Sara Dear Sarah Usually I just use I set that as the default in my browser. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is walking along a California beach when he stumbles across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie! The genie says, "OK, OK! You released me from the lamp, blah, blah,blah. This is the fourth time this month and I am getting sick and tired of granting all these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get ONE wish!" The man sits down on the sand and thinks about it for a while. Finally he says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared of flying and I get very sea sick. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?" "That's impossible!" shrieks the genie. "Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?! Think of how much concrete that would take, how much steel! No! No way! Think of another wish!" He thinks for a long time and says I've been married and divorced four times and all of my wives has said that I don't care and that I am insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they are crying...know what they really want when they say "nothing"...know how to truly make them happy.... The genie says, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Heel Marks on the Floor First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes" policy in your house. If you have a heel mark you need to remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser. A "magic" eraser also works well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Climbing Shanghai Tower
____________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class." __________________________________________________
Oranki Art Park Lappland.
___________________________________________________ Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!" The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. try it!" ___________________________________________________ A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. He said, "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But, the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable politician. Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 15, in 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote
island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 

1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 

1883 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil
Rights Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and
corporations to discriminate based on race. 

1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the
western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres
were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 

1937 "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was
published for the first time. 

1939 New York Municipal Airport was dedicated. The name was
later changed to La Guardia Airport. 

1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was
executed for treason. 

1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of
the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his
scheduled execution. 

1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev
had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N.

1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them
down in Beirut International Airport. 

1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 

1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles
Kings, surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850
career points. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.

1993 South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African
National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named
winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end
the apartheid system in South Africa. 

1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the
land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than
the speed of sound. 

1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back
pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 

1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba
for the seventh year in a row. 

2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. 

2011 Legoland Florida opened in Winter Haven, Florida

2017  smiled.

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What to do when CTRL C and CTRL V are not working 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 14
Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' 
robbed a bank, then got jailed.
Today, Oct 14 in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. "Do I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Linda A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a tiger??" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Joe Johnson, 26, Pinellas Park, Florida Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' robbed a bank, then got jailed. Sheriff's deputies on Monday arrested a man accused of robbing a bank near Largo last week, then using the money on utilities, rent and a drug binge. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, William Joe Johnson, 26, on Thursdaystole an undisclosed amount of money from Achieva Credit Union at 10125 Ulmerton Road. Deputies arrested him Monday night on a robbery charge at the Express Inn at 11333 U.S. 19 N in Pinellas Park. Johnson entered the bank just before 11 a.m., approached the teller, implied he had a gun and told the teller to give him cash, according to deputies. He ran from the store with the cash. After an investigation, deputies found him at the hotel. In an interview, detectives said Johnson told them he was in need of money and searched on Google "how to rob a bank." Deputies booked him into the Pinellas County Jail about 3 a.m. Tuesday in lieu of $100,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Lost CTRL C and CTRL V Dear Webby, I don't know what happened, but I seem to have lost my CTRL+C and CTRL+V capabilities! Any thoughts on how to get them back? Sorry if it's a stupid question! Jerry Dear Jerry Your usable amount of RAM is in use or bunged up. Hightlight a comma or period, copy that with CTRL Insert, and paste that. That will normally clear the clipboard of any big stuff. After that run CrapCleaner from to clean up the temporary files. Rebooting also helps. Have FUN! DearWebby

Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Shoe Boxes for Building Kids Blocks Use safe shoe boxes and other similar size boxes to make large building blocks for your kids. Tape the lid of the box on and then cover them with contact paper. You can even find contact paper with a brick or wood pattern on it. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
man and woman born 2 hours apart in same hospital marry
____________________________________________________ A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man. __________________________________________________
Amazing Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ A couple hired a maid to cook and do housework. She worked out fine, till one day, after about six months, she said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She said: "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband; he agreed, and they adopted the baby. All went well, but soon the maid was pregnant again. The wife talked to her husband, and they adopted baby two. Soon it happened again. They made the same offer, and adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two after that, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the wife. "No," she said, "there are just to many kids here to pick up after." ___________________________________________________ The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 14, in 
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of

1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D.
Husbands for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 

1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an
agreement for the international marketing rights for the

1888 In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental
film "Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving
motion picture. 

1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in
Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not
serious and he continued with his planned speech. William
Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. 

1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane
speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-

1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its

1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from
the League of Nations. 

1936 The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in
Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took
over the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 

1943 The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of
the NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million
for the network that was renamed American Broadcasting

1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide
rather than face execution after being accused of
conspiring against Adolf Hitler and the execution that
would follow. 

1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute
Brigade liberated the city of Athens. 

1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot
Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the
first American to break the sound barrier. 

1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring
Charlton Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a
cast of 25,000 people. 

1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first
suggested the idea of a Peace Corps. 

1961 "How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying"
opened on Broadway. 

1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day
that U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered
Soviet medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22
U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced that he had
ordered the naval "quarantine" of Cuba. 

1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel
Peace Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial
prejudice in America. He was the youngest person to receive
the award. 

1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 

1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the
death of President Nasser. 

1972 In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north
of Kirkuk. 

1984 George ‘Sparky’ Anderson became the first baseball
manager to win 100 games and a World Series in both
leagues. (MLB) 

1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the
U.S. wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with
the arms race in space. 

1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned
well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 

2001 Toys "R" Us introduced the new version of Geoffrey the
giraffe in a 60-second commercial before WABC-TV aired 

2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and
Protestant politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed
sole responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 

2017  smiled.

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When is a credit card mail a scam? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
22-year-old woman shot dead by police 
after running down officer with car
Today, Oct 13 in
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were 
rescued after 69 days underground. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. --- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939) or FaceBook? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the regular kind?" _____________________________________________________ By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he brusquely asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Cariann Hithon, 22, Miami, Florida 22-year-old woman shot dead by police after running down officer with car A 22-year-old woman who was shot and killed by police after crashing into an officer with her car was an aspiring lawyer, her father said. Cariann Hithon had been celebrating her birthday when she crashed her fancy black BMW into three vehicles in Miami. As a crowd gathered around her smashed car, Ms Hithon floored the accelerator and sped forwards, knocking a Florida police officer to the ground before another one quickly fired three shots at her before she could hit more people. Her car then swerved across the road and crashed. Ms Hithon was taken to a nearby hospital where she died of her wounds. In social media footage of the shooting, one bystander can be heard saying the driver was "drunk as sh**." The police officer she hit, David Cajuso, has been released from hospital and is recovering at home, the Miami Beach police department said. According to the Miami Herald, investigators believe Hithon and her friend, who got out of the car before she accelerated, had been drinking, however, the aggressive action of trying to kill the officer points more towards methamphetamine than alcohol. She had recently transferred from Hampton University in Virginia to Temple University in Philadelphia and was expected to graduate with a degree in political sciences. Hithon had an extensive criminal record including assault and drug charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it a scam ? Dear Webby, I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason..... Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it anyway. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, it's a scam. Feel free to enter the name and email address of your favorite politician, but never enter anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby

A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The voice on the other end asked. "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! Bye, bye Fat-Ass!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Leaf Foxes By tiffanytallent1981 [97 Posts, 47 Comments] What does the fox say? If you decide to incorporate a winter animal theme into your classroom, foxes would fit perfectly. It seems that they tend to make more appearances during the colder months. It is probably because foxes do not hibernate and are looking for shelter to stay warm. One craft that is very easy to make is the leaf fox. You don't need many supplies and they turn out just adorable! If you want to read a book prior to making the craft, try The Winter Fox, by Timothy Knapman or Foxes in the Snow, by Jonathan Emmett. There are also numerous non-fiction books on every species of fox, if you want something educational. Total Time: 10 minutes Yield: 3 Supplies: 3 maple craft leaves (fox colors) 6 wiggle eyes 3 pipe cleaner pieces 2-3 inches long (black, brown, pink or gray) hot glue gun 1 hot glue stick 1 piece white cardstock 3 magnet strips (optional) Steps: If you don't want to make your foxes into magnets, glue them to the white card stock. Make sure the longest point is facing down. I found it looks better not to glue the leaves down flat. If you put glue in middle only, the sides stick up making the foxes pop! Hot glue two wiggle eyes on each leaf. Cut a pipe cleaner into 2-3 inch pieces. Roll each piece into an round ball and hot glue one to the tip of each leaf. If you want leaf fox magnets, cut the magnet strips in half. Place a line of glue on each one and add to the back of the leaves. Then you can display them on the fridge! Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ....... with leaves." __________________________________________________
What a great idea! The town that eats together stays together
___________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! =========================================== A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Family leaving Church after services: Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I've ever heard." Mother; "The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key." Little Tommy; "I don't know, all in all it wasn't a bad show. Three of us for a dollar." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 13, in 
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet. 

1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building became known as the White
House in 1818, when it was restored and whietwashed after
the Canucks had burned it in the war of 1812. 

1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of
Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended
any further U.S. invasion of Canada. 

1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by
Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY. 

1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution. 

1943 During World War II, Italy switched sides to the
winning side and signed an armistice with the Allies and
declared war on Germany. 

1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during World
War II. 

1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units
landed at Piraeus. 

1951 In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was
used for the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State

1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel

1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford
Edsel on an hour long special. 

1962 "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway. 

1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak
as the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an
overthrow of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega. 

1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and
one minute. 

1998 The National Basketball Association (NBA) canceled
regular season games, due to work stoppage, for first time
in its 51-year history. 

1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT). 

2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were rescued after
69 days underground. 

2017  smiled.

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Which email to use for travelling 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 12

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Amateur actress arrested for trying to 
push random woman off subway platform
Today, Oct 12 in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean
route to India. The same day he claimed the land for
Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?" _____________________________________________________ The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mom had been teaching her 3-year-old daughter to recite the Lord's Prayer. The youngster dutifully repeated it after her mother at bed time for several nights. One night, the girl insisted she was ready to pray "solo," so her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated every word. The mother was a bit exasperated and knew they needed to work on it some more as her daughter ended the prayer: "And lead us not into temptation," the youngster prayed, "but deliver us some email. Amen." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keira Keeley, 35, New York, New York Amateur Actress arrested for trying to push random woman off subway platform A 35-year-old actress who has starred in off-Broadway shows and played bit parts on TV allegedly tried to push a fellow straphanger into the path of a subway train at Union Square over the weekend, law enforcement sources told The Post. Keira Keeley’s random target was 57-year-old Leonore Gonzalez of the Bronx, who was waiting on the 4, 5 and 6 train platform. Keeley allegedly walked up and shoved her from behind at 12:15 a.m. Saturday. Gonzalez grabbed a pillar and narrowly avoided falling from the platform onto the tracks, police sources said. A cop heard screaming on the platform, and was told by a witness that Keeley intentionally pushed her victim toward the tracks as a train was pulling in, according to the sources. Gonzalez explained to cops that she didn’t see Keeley move toward her, but felt a push and quickly grabbed a pillar so she wouldn’t fall in front of the northbound train, according to sources. She suffered a bruise on her right elbow and wrist, as well as back pain after the push, sources said. The actress was arrested at the station, and initially claimed she’d simply bumped into Gonzalez, with whom she’d had no prior interaction — and even tried to grab her before she fell. Keeley later told police she’d been out boozing with her boyfriend, Jeff, at the 12th Street Ale House in the East Village, where she threw back four glasses of wine before heading home to the Bronx, according to sources. She admitted feeling “wiggly” and buzzed while waiting in the subway station, but denied pushing Gonzalez, sources said. Keeley, who has no prior arrests, was charged with attempted assault with intent to injure with a weapon. Her bail was set at $7,500, which she posted Monday, records show. Police sources said the incident was not caught on camera, but cops were planning to interview the train operator. Keeley has performed in off-Broadway productions according to her website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: What mail to use for travelling Dear Webby, What kind of mail program is best for travelling? I heard that some hotels won't let you use POP mail? Is that true? Dear Helen That depends entirely on your choice of hotels. Most hotels block the regular email port, (25), but you can sneak around that and get out via port 587 or 465. You can usually get out OK with web mail. If you don't have a domain and webmail, get a Gmail account. Very few hotels block Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

A drunk is attracted by the food and stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am." The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, reverend." The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Upcycled Light Bulb Terrarium This is a fun way to use a burnt out incandescent bulb that would otherwise be thrown out. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Supplies: 1 hollowed out incandescent bulb moss, dirt, pebbles, or any fun findings from outside a pencil or other long, narrow tool a screw string or thread Instructions: Start with an incandescent light bulb that has been previously hollowed out. There are some excellent tutorials online showing how to do this. Take the screw and start twisting it into the threads on one side of the bulb's aluminum cap to make a small hole. Twist it back out and make another hole across from the first on the opposite side. Fill the bulb carefully with your pebbles, then your dirt, and finally your moss and treasures. Use the pencil to move and push things so they are arranged to your liking. Using the holes you made in the cap of the bulb, thread your string through and tie it into a knot. By Shawna G. from Ann Arbor, MI Tip provided by She didn't list where you can learn how to hollow out a lightbulb, so I looked it up on Google. Here is one site that shows you how to do it: How to hollow out a lightbulb Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS ! Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right!" __________________________________________________
The art of James Castle, created with spit, scraps and soot.
___________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a trance state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher in Los Angeles asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 12, in 
1492 - Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean route
to India. The same day he claimed the land for Isabella and
Ferdinand of Spain. 

1792 - The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus was
dedicated in Baltimore, MD. 

1810 - Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess
Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the
public to attend the event which became an annual
celebration that later became known as Oktoberfest. 

1892 - In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the
Columbus landing the original version of the Pledge of
Allegiance was first recited in public schools. 

1895 - In Newport, RI, the first amateur golf tournament
was held. 

1915 - Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt criticized
U.S. citizens who identified themselves by dual

1920 - Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened
on November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ and
New York City, NY. 

1933 - The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz
Island from the U.S. Army. 

1937 - "Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons" debuted on radio.

1938 - Production began on "The Wizard of Oz." 

1942 - During World War II, Attorney General Francis Biddle
announced that Italian nationals in the United States would
no longer be considered enemy aliens. 

1945 - Private First Class Desmond T. Doss was presented
with the Congressional Medal of Honor for outstanding
bravery as a medical corpsman. He was the first
conscientious objector in American history to win the

1960 - Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on
his desk during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly. 

1961 - The first video memoirs by a U.S. president were
made. Walter Cronkite interviewed Dwight D. Eisenhower. 

1964 - The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit
around the Earth. It was the first space flight to have a
multi-person crew and the first flight to be performed
without space suits. 

1972 - During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out
aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50
sailors were injured. 

1976 - China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to
succeed the late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist

1988 - Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand
Corp. would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the
Pentagon for overbilling airplane parts over a five-year

1989 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved a
statutory federal ban on the destruction of the American

1993 - The play "Mixed Emotions" opened at the John Golden

1994 - Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted
political asylum by Panama. 

1994 - The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission
to Venus for the purpose of mapping. 

1997 - The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower
above Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3

1998 - The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online
Copyright Bill. 

1999 - Rob Reiner received a star on the Hollywood Walk of

1999 - In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a
bloodless coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.
The Supreme Court ruled that the coup was legal but
insisted that a civilian government be restored within
three years. 

2001 - A special episode of America's Most Wanted was aired
that focused on 22 wanted terrorists. The show was
specifically requested by U.S. President George W. Bush. 

2006 - The Dow Jones industrial average advanced over
11,900 for the first time. 

2015 - It was announced that Dell was buying EMC for around
$67 billion.

2017  smiled.

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Fast shut-down 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 11

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant faces child sex assault charges
Today, Oct 11 in
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished. --- Leslie Nielsen (1926 - ) Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times already!" _____________________________________________________ On their honeymoon, the pretty bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edgar Mendoza, 28, Trenton, Pennsylvania Illegal immigrant facing child sex assault charges An undocumented immigrant accused of sexually assaulting a 6-year-old girl will remain locked up at the Mercer County Correction Center pending final resolution of his case. Edgar Mendoza, a 32-year-old citizen of Guatemala, consented to pretrial detention on Friday and told the judge he understood exactly what he was doing. Trenton Police Officer Gilbert Quinones arrested Mendoza on Sept. 19, charging him with counts of burglary, endangering the welfare of a child, sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault. Mendoza is accused of unlawfully entering a Bayard Street home, molesting the 6-year-old victim in her bed and jumping out the second-floor window after the child's father found Mendoza in bed with the victim. After Mendoza jumped out of the window about 1:30 a.m., the father called police and provided a description of the alleged pedophile. Detectives from the Trenton Police Street Crimes Unit later found Mendoza, and the child's parent positively identified him as the man who was in bed with his kid, police said, adding that detectives soon learned the victim had been sexually assaulted by Mendoza. Police recovered a cellphone outside of the home in the area where Mendoza jumped from the window. Police say the phone belonged to Mendoza. The assault victim was taken to the hospital for treatment. Officials said there were two adults and two children in the home at the time of the incident. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, also known as ICE, on Sept. 20 placed a detainer on Mendoza, according to court records. Trenton Police originally said Mendoza is 32, but court records indicated he is either 27 or 28 and listed his place of residence as 64 Washington St., which is located in Trenton's Chambersburg neighborhood not far from Bayard Street. Following delay upon delay and a switch of judges, Mendoza finally made his Superior Court appearance Friday afternoon at the Mercer County Criminal Courthouse. He was represented by public defender Malaeika Montgomery. We've had an opportunity to review the discovery provided by the state, Montgomery said at the hearing before Mercer County Superior Court Judge Peter Warshaw. We are stipulating to probable cause. We are also consenting to Mr. Mendoza's detention. Part of the discovery in the case includes a statement Mendoza gave to police. By consenting to detention, Mendoza declined to exercise his right to argue for release and agreed to be jailed without bail on pretrial detention. Warshaw signed the detention order consistent with Mendoza's wishes. The defendant was supposed to appear in court for a 9 a.m. Friday detention hearing before Superior Court Judge Ronald Susswein. It was not clear why the hearing was moved over to Warshaw's courtroom. Mercer County Assistant Prosecutor Sean McMurtry represented the state at the detention hearing but did not make any public statements about Mendoza's criminal charges or immigration status. Mendoza cannot be deported while he remains incarcerated on pretrial detention. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Automatic shut-down Dear Webby, is there a safe and fast computer shutdown or restart program that will shut down the computer when your not at it? tyvm for all the help Richi Dear Richi Why would you want to do that? You can play with the power options to shut down the hard drive and the monitor after a number of minutes of inactivity. There is no need to buy a fancy program for that. Don`t cut the time so short that everything shuts down if you pick your nose. Give yourself a few minutes. An alternative is to use a screen saver. Stuff all your prayer pictures into a directory that has guaranteed no pictures of old girlfriends, and set the screen saver slide show to use that directory. You can also make one screen size picture that proclaims: "Jesus is watching you!" or "The CIA is currently cataloging Richi`s hard drive. Do not touch the keyboard!" or anything you want. Then set the screen saver to require a password to go away. You can set the screen saver to come on after 1 minute of inactivity, and the hard drive and the monitor to shut down after 5 minutes. The CPU has no moving parts and never wears out. It uses almost no power when there is nothing going on. By the way, the lowest power consumption screen saver is Mystique. It loads into RAM and then does not touch the hard drive after that. It has been in Windows since version 3. Have FUN! DearWebby

A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
John Lennon metamorphosis
____________________________________________________ From Cookie Open letter to President Trump Dear President Trump: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Enrique Peña Nieto, that I'm on my way? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All government forms need to be printed in English. 4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers. 5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down. 7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws. 13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with a previous V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help. Sincerely, Cookie __________________________________________________
These black and white tattoos look like photos!
___________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.' This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. "Mayor, you have to do something about the roads and side- walks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen six times this week already!" ____________________________________________________ From Moll I have been copying your Tech Support Pits into a Notetab Pro text file for about 20 years. When I need some info, I use the CTRL F find in it, and it instantly shows what I need, if I was precise enough with my question. The file is getting quite huge, but for 2018 I am going to start a new one. Maybe I will print out the first one as a book! Thanks for all the help! Moll

Today, October 11, in 
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first
invention. The electric machine was used for counting votes
for the U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras. 

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign
was aired. 

1936 The radio show, "Professor Quiz", aired for the first

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II,
began in the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The
probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth
and burned up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don
Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts

1971 Hugh Downs left the "Today" show and "Concentration".
He later became the host of ABC's "20/20". 

1975 "Saturday Night Live" was broadcast for the first time.
George Carlin was the guest host. 

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out
of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME,
were switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in
the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins.
He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.

1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 10

Thank you, Francis!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose 
and pass out while their babies are in SUV
Today, Oct 10 in
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. --- James C. Dobson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is watching you!" The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus." _____________________________________________________ Lost Churches of Louisiana One of the local television stations in Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The interviewer was from a Boston affiliate. She asked the Lousiana woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied: "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's". The look on the interviewer's face was priceless!!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it for a few seconds and then told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife's dead body home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance." ______________________________________________________ Poor dog! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose and pass out while their babies are in SUV Two South Florida women overdosed on heroin in a sports utility vehicle with two infants in the back seat, authorities said. Parents arrested after baby nearly dies of heroin overdose Boynton Beach police said in a news release that Kristen Leigh O'Connor, 28, and June Schweinhart, 29, were taken to a hospital Thursday after officers found them passed out inside the SUV. The infants, ages 1 and 2 months, were properly strapped into their car seats, police said. O'Connor told investigators she picked up Schweinhart -- whom she had met in a drug treatment program -- and they bought $60 worth of heroin from her old drug dealer. The women snorted the drug and then overdosed. After treatment, they were booked into jail on child neglect charges, police said. The infants were turned over to family members. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Malwarebytes over McAfee? Dear Webby, Do you prefer Malwarebytes over McAfee? Happy Thanksgiving. Bill Dear Bill Yes, since Christmas 2016 I do prefer Malwarebytes. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Dave for this story: Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen such devastation. How anyone could have survived, he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Junior kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Junior! Junior!" he whispered to himself to keep himself steady. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Junior!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed. "And for heaven's sake, clean up your room!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Cleaning With Club Soda For new stains, club soda can be an effective spot removing for clothing and carpets. First blot the stain to soak up as much as possible. Then pour club soda directly on the stain, wait a 5 seconds and scrub the area with a damp sponge. For stains on carpet, if the stain has been successfully removed, put a towel on the top of the area with a book on top of it. This will soak up any moisture that remains in the carpet or the pad. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Mighty Mites forget they're in a game!
____________________________________________________ A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." __________________________________________________
The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima
___________________________________________________ Here is a real classic! There once was a Preacher that went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, there was a man in front of him. The man was a mess (t-shirt, long hair, and wearing flip flops). The man told St Peter his name and told him he was a New York taxi driver. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. The Preacher then walked up to St Peter gave his name. He told him he was a Preacher of such & such church. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a cotton robe with a wooden driftwood stick. The Preacher complained and said " Hey, the guy before me was a taxi driver and you gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. I'm a preacher of the word of God and all I got was this flimsy cotton robe and a wooden stick." St Peter said to the Preacher, "When you preached people slept, When he drove people prayed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Almost every week I get a mail with that fake North Pole sunset photo. That's a digital painting, probably for a cover for a Science Fiction paperback, or just for fun. There are no mountains and no open water anywhere near the North Pole, just the flattest and most boring ocean ice you can imagine. Mother Earth has a smooth, dull white bald spot on top. The nearest land is about 250 Miles South and the nearest mountains are about 550 Miles South, and the nearest open water is wherever a submarine poked a hole into the ocean ice to let the guys out for a smoke. That picture is a purely digital creation, done maqny years ago by Inga Nielsen, a student in Germany, probably done with TerraGen, a terrain generating software for landscapers, or some similar software. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Thanks for the daily wit and wisdom. Makes a great start to my day. Trevor, Chronologically Endowed (and intent on remaining that way!)

Today, October 10, in 
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis,

1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt. 

1886 The tuxedo dinner jacket made its U.S. debut in New
York City. 

1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company. 

1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by
revolutionaries under Sun Yat-sen. 

1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama

1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale. 

1938 Nazi Germany completed its annexation of
Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 

1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the
president of China. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla
Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the
official had been refused service in a Dover, DE,

1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of
the first global airline service. 

1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people. 

1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the
"Peanuts" comic strip. 

1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of
British rule. 

1977 Joe Namath played the last game of his National
Football League (NFL) career. 

1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean.
He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours. 

1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in
reaction to a military coup that forced President Jean-
Claude Aristide into exile. 

1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-
chief of the army and pledged to leave the country. 

1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the
Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed. 

1995 Gary Kasparov won a chess championship against
Viswanathan Anand that had lasted about a month. 

1997 The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, opened to the
public. Architect Frank Gehry designed the 450 ft. long and
98 ft. wide building. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush presented a list of 22
most wanted terrorists. 

2003 Rush Limbaugh announced that he was addicted to
painkillers and that he was going to check into a rehab

2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 9
Happy Thanksgiving Day in Canada!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man told Orlando airport employee he had 
to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'.
He is in jail now.
Today, Oct 9 in
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball." _____________________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy acted furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!" Anthony took the plate and ate both eggs himself, in the kitchen. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far!" ______________________________________________________ Christ The Redeemer, Rio de Janiero _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida Man told Orlando airport employee he had to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'. He is in jail now. Officers responded to a “verbal face-to-face bomb threat” Thursday evening at the Orlando International Airport, Orlando police said in a news release. The release said Fred Gray told an employee that he needed to “get this bag checked in before it explodes." Officers separated Gray from his bag and called for K-9 units, police said. Airport authorities said they recognized Gray as a person who had been to the police office earlier in the day to report that his wallet had been stolen. Authorities said Gray was belligerent and loud while officers assisted him with that report. Gray and his bags were then taken to the Orlando police office. An employee who works at the east information desk told police that she first interacted with Gray and that she was also the first person to call 911. "While I was working at the east information desk around 5:08 p.m., a passenger approached me, saying, ‘You see this backpack?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He then screamed, ‘It's about to explode! It's about to explode!’" the employee said in the release. Nearby passengers ran away and Gray left, police said. That’s when the employee called 911. "A passenger approached and asked me if there was a Fed-Ex type store in the airport. I said, ‘No,’” TSA Officer Robert Henry said. ”He then replied, ‘Retarded, but OK.’ He then asked where American Airlines was located. I asked him if he meant the ticket counter or the gates. He then replied, ‘Yeah, I've got to get this bag checked in before it explodes.’" Henry notified his dispatcher. Police said an officer talked to Gray who stated that he made the statements, but he meant his bag was about to break open and the contents were going fall out. Gray also said “it was a free country,” and he could say what he wanted, the release said. Police said Gray stated that he doesn't like "these people," and he didn't care about Vice President Pence. The release also said that Pence was at the Orlando International Airport, as was the president of Panama, when the threats were made, and that was “an aggravating factor.” Police said in the release, “There is probable cause that Gray made a false report with intent to deceive, mislead, otherwise misinform any person, concerning the placing or planting of any bomb, dynamite, other deadly explosive, or weapon of mass destruction (two counts).” “(You) can't return to the airport and no possession of any guns, knives, weapons. You understand?” a judge asked during his first court appearance. “Yes, sir,” Gray replied. Gray’s bail was set at just under $4,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Anti Spyware Dear Webby, I love your newsletter and have used many of your computer tips. I have been searching the web for a good anti-spyware program. Of course, there are thousands of them. Is there one that you would highly recommend; and one that's not complicated. Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie Currently I recommend Malwarebytes. It is not free, but it also is the best anti-virus and general anti malware program available. Once you have that installed, it will take care of all your security needs. Have FUN! DearWebby

At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Dad received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Keep Ice Off Your Windshield Use an old set of car floor mats to cover your car's windshield in the evening and you won't have any ice to scrape in the morning. Carpet remnants also work. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Mighty Mites forget they're in a game!
____________________________________________________ A little old Jewish lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. Because it is hot on the bus, the girl takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The old lady looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would fan me, too." The girl begins to fan her. Fifteen minutes later the little old lady stands up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver immediately pulls over in the middle of the block and opens the door to let her out. As she's stepping off the bus he asks her, "Lady, tell me, what is it you have?" The little old lady looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah." __________________________________________________
The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Hope for this story: A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep?!" ____________________________________________________ From Yvonne Dear Webby, I really enjoy the humor letter and all the helpful hints, also interesting items and pictures readers send in. Thanks for keeping us all so amused and informed, what a great way to start the day!! Yvonne

Today, October 9, in 
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land that
belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded Providence,
Rhode Island as a place for people to seek religious

1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in
New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale. 

1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now
San Francisco, CA. 

1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War
took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by
George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord

1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two
British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 

1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 

1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 

1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began. 

1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later
became Montgomery Wards. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two

1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for
the first time. 

1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp,

1919 The Cincinnati Reds won the World Series. The win would
be later tainted when 8 Chicago White Sox were charged with
throwing the game. The incident became known as the "Black
Sox" scandal. 

1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was
later changed to Hoover Dam. 

1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis.
The dome was unharmed in the bombing. 

1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY. 

1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg,

1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen

1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. She
became the oldest person to become a member. 

1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth
federal official to be removed from office through
impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high
crimes and misdemeanors." 

1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd
Webber opened in London. 

1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of
tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 

1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf
in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops
and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 

1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a

2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his
father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing
him to number 9. 

2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and
made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that
water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the

2017  smiled.

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Recover lost files on DVD, Ubuntu 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 8

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin mom arrested for killing 4-year-old 
son by setting him on fire in bathtub
Today, Oct 8 in
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. --- Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 - 1848) Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bonnie for this story: An old trapper up north was having a bad infection in his mouth so went to a dentist .He told the dentist that he just wanted the tooth pulled. When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain. The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other. While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man: "You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life ! When was that?" The man tells him: "........Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap. That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!" "My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?" "When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate." ______________________________________________________ Courchevel, France. The altitude difference of this runway is about 60 meters (200 ft) between touch-down stripes and the almost level parking area. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amelia DiStasio 23, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Wisconsin mom arrested for killing 4-year-old son by setting him on fire in bathtub A Milwaukee mother has been accused of killing her 4-year- old son by setting him on fire in a bathtub in their apartment, according to multiple reports. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Amelia DiStasio's son, Antonio, begged her to stop as she allegedly used 7 belts to bind his arms behind his back before placing him into the tub where he was burned to death with cooking oil. A resident of the apartment complex where the 23-year-old woman lived with her young son allegedly told police she heard Antonio yell, Please mommy, stop! I won't do it again! According to CBS News, the woman alleged she then heard the suspect yell: Shut up! DiStasio has been charged with first-degree intentional homicide, according to online court records accessed by PEOPLE. Police were initially called to DiStasio's apartment Sept. 28, on reports of smoke coming from the unit. Inside, they found Antonio's burned remains. They also discovered the child's head had allegedly been covered with a plastic garbage bag before he was set on fire. ABC11 also reports that a pet guinea pig was allegedly found drowned in a cage next to the bathtub. DiStasio allegedly fled the apartment after starting the blaze and was found not long after police arrived, walking down a nearby street. WDJT reports investigators found Web searches on DiStasio's phone, allegedly including How do canabals die [sic] and How to kill a canabal [sic]. According to the station, the phone had also accessed a message board dedicated to an online game in which players fight cannibals. The message board allegedly detailed ways to kill cannibals within the game, including Kill it with fire! DiStasio remains jailed with bail set at $400,000. It was unclear Friday if she has an attorney. She has not entered a plea to the charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Recover lost files on DVD, Ubuntu Dear Webby, Something erased almost 5 Gb of video and still pictures from a DVD we used to save our recent second honeymoon after 50 years of waiting. When I went to show some to a friend The disk was shown as blank. Is there any software for Ubuntu that will recover it? Thank you for a great newsletter. Frank Dear Dave Der Frank There are half a dozen Ubuntu tools for recovering lost files on a DVD, plus you can use the command line: the DVD is usually /dev/sr0 Then to access the DVD content, use foremost (Install it with sudo apt-get install foremost) List the content of the DVD (even the erased one): sudo foremost -w /dev/sr0 Processing: /dev/sr0 To recover all data sudo foremost all /dev/sr0 everything is then available in ~/output/ And to make files visible: sudo chmod -R 777 ~/output/ The program used, foremost, is tiny and installs quickly, and of course is free. If you don't like operating from the command line, you can try dvdisaster for data cd's and dvd's. Really good if you like graphical tools. Another one is PhotoRec. It is commonly used if a camera trashed some picture folder on a DVD. For the future, I would strongly advise to NEVER use the camera to write to DVD. Always take the memory chip out of the camera and read it either with the computer, if it has a reader slot, or with a cheap (under $10) USB chip reader, and writer them onto the hard drive first, and to DVD or CD from there. A fringe benefit of that is that you got a safety copy, and of course editing is many times faster on the hard drive. Even on the chip editing is many times faster and safer than on a DVD. They are NOT made for editing, just for storing and playing. Once you have recovered the files, copy the entire DVD onto the hard drive, and write them to a brand new DVD. Then mark the old one with a Mark-All as a coffee mug coaster. I would never trust it again. DVDs are really cheap compared to lost files. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the woman says a bit proudly. The police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off that awful gravel road Hwy 119." A few minutes later,as the officer related the event on his radio, some other officer quipped: "Better shoot them down before they get to the 401." (The 401, also called the "Number 1" or the "Highway of Heroes" is the TransCanada Highway.)
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Easy To Open Nail Polish Bottle After opening a nail polish bottle for the first time, rub some petroleum jelly on the threads on the bottle before putting the lid back on. The cap will be less likely to become stuck. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
If it weren't on film, you wouldn't believe it
____________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!" __________________________________________________
What kid wouldn't want a tree house like this!
___________________________________________________ Thanks To Ross For This Story: The Airliner Pushed Back From The Gate, The Flight Attendant Gave The Passengers The Usual Information Regarding Seat Belts, Etc. Finally, She Said, "Now Sit Back And Enjoy Your Trip While Your Captain, Judith Campbell, And Crew Take You Safely To Your Destination. "Ed, Sitting In The Eighth Row Thought To Himself, "Did I Hear Her Right? Is The Captain A Woman?" When The Attendants Came By With The Drink Cart, He Said "Did I Understand You Right? Is The Captain A Woman?" "Yes," Said The Attendant, "In Fact, This Entire Crew Is Female." "My God," Said Ed, "I'd Better Have Two Scotch And Sodas. I Don't Know What To Think Of All Those Women Up There In The Cockpit." "That's Another Thing Sir," Said The Attendant, "We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit." "Now It's The "Box Office"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Hope for this insight: AMAZING CONCLUSION INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS WITH AN AMAZING CONCLUSION ! 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. and........ 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Grandma's boyfriend A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Today, October 8, in 
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1904 "Little Johnny Jones" opened in Hartford, CT. 

1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 

1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly
killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the Argonne
Forest in France. York had originally tried to avoid being
drafted as a conscientious objector. After this event he was
promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Congressional Medal
of Honor. 

1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 

1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and
Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. 

1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 

1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the
first time. 

1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and
an illegal substance. 

1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel
Prize for literature. 

1979 "Sugar Babies" opened at the Mark Hellinger Theatre on

1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted former Presidents Carter,
Ford and Nixon to the White House. The group was preparing
to leave for Egypt to attend the funeral of Anwar Sadat. 

1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including
Solidarity, were banned. 

1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers
in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been
closed in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 

1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI
of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the
Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege
killed as many as 85 people. 

1996 Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation to
remove his inflamed appendix. 

1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said
that three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban
forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan
denied the event occurred. 

1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N.
Security Council. 

2001 Tom Ridge, former Governor of Pennsylvania, was sworn
in as director of the new U.S. department of Homeland

2001 Rush Limbaugh announced to his listeners that he was
totally deaf in his left ear and had only partial hearing in
his right ear. The condition had happened in a three month

2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be
conducted outside of the international space station without
a shuttle present. 

2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W.
Bush's request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic
10-day labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S.
economy an estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day. 

2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit
the Earth briefly on October 15. 

2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative
agreement that would allow the first commercial flights
between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam War. 

2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that
the "Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled
permanently. It was also said that if Roy Horn survived,
after a tiger attack on October 3, the duo would continue to
work together. 

2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held
in Afghanistan. 

2017  smiled.

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Jumpers for USB drives 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 7

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
UK woman jailed for concealing death of 
her newborn son years earlier
Today, Oct 7 in
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. --- Jef Raskin Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962) People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Grandma Doesn't Know Everything Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you"!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, I told them that I had discovered the main problem. I stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug, and a squeeze on each side. I looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her in for her treatment every day?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sinead Connett, 29, Grimsby, UK UK woman jailed for concealing death of her newborn son years earlier Plumbers called to a UK home that had been having toilet trouble found a terrible reason for the issues: the body of a newborn boy. Sinead Connett, now 29, was recently sentenced to 12 months in prison following the plumber's discovery last year. She told cops she was "shocked" when she found out she was pregnant and scared her partner would ditch her; she confessed to giving birth alone in her apartment bathroom in August 2013, per the Telegraph. (She says the baby was stillborn, but claims she tried to revive him; the BBC reports a cause of death was never determined.) The former HR executive later dumped the baby's body, wrapped in a towel and plastic bags, in a drainage pit behind her parents' home two and a half hours away, knowing they were on a trip at the time. She had left the body in the trunk of her car for at least two days before dumping it, per the Grimsby Telegraph. In February 2016, Connett's father called a plumber about issues he and his wife were having with their downstairs toilet. The plumber believed the problem was a blockage in an outside drain; while attempting to clear it, the two men found the body. The court heard how the baby's body was found in a "seriously decomposed" state and with a fractured skull. A cause of death was not ascertained, however, and a post mortem exam could not identify when exactly the death occurred. Neither Mr or Mrs Connett could explain why the body was there, and told officers how they had no known grandchildren, the court was told. Investigators identified no suspects initially, but took DNA samples from Sinead, Ann and Stuart Connett, which conclusively revealed the 28-year-old as the baby's maternal mother. Connett was ultimately convicted of concealing the birth of a child. She told cops she didn't realize she was pregnant until it was too late to terminate, but medical records show her pregnancy was recorded in January 2013. She visited an abortion clinic in May but was told it was too late to get an abortion then. The baby was conceived with partner Jonathan Layfield, a teacher who got banned from teaching in 2014 due to an inappropriate relationship with a teen student. Despite all of these issues, the couple wed in November 2016. Connett was charged in May 2017 after all her stories about the baby were found to be lies. There was no proof that she personally had bashed in the baby`s head, and since everything she said was lies, she was not charged with murder. Considering how many people are on waiting lists for adopting babies, and have been for many years, she should have gotten a much stiffer sentence. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: USB drive jumpers Dear Webby, Congratulations and thanks for a most useful newsletter. I recently purchased a HD enclosure kit and am having problems making it work, Should the hard drive jumpers be set to slave? By the way I phoned the companies tech help line. They weren't. Dave Dear Dave Sorry that your email almost slipped by me! Yes, the jumper on the portable USB drive needs to be set to the "SLAVE" position. That way it will accept any stationary C: drive as it's master, and it will act as a secondary drive to both your desktop and laptop. Some newer drives will detect that on their own, but if you see jumpers, set them to slave. Have FUN! DearWebby

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked. Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Removing Labels the Thrifty Way By anip [2 Posts, 1 Comment] This tip has always worked for me. The easiest way to remove labels and sticker residue from glass jars is as follows: Peel the label. (Soaking in hot water helps.) Rub any sticky areas with peanut butter. Rinse and enjoy, knowing that no chemicals were needed! Not only did you avoid spending money on some sort of cleaner, you also got to play with your food! Tip provided by I put jars into the sink first and remove last. Often that releases labels and lets them float off. If they don`t, I half fill them with hot water, and put them into the microwave for a few minutes. Often the label falls off, if not you can pull them off with flat, wide, tweezers. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Optical illusion
____________________________________________________ One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain." The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said. "But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe." "Believe?" he screamed. "Then where are your umbrellas?" __________________________________________________
Overnight in a polar bears den.
___________________________________________________ The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard. The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him. He says, "Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I'm home-sick!" ____________________________________________________ From Catherine You're still funny after all these years - and informative, intelligent, just plain useful! Thank you! Thought you might enjoy reading about these glorious Gypsy Vanner horses - awesome photographs! Catherine Thanks Catherine! There is also a beautiful video there at the bottom center of the main page. Enjoy! DearWebby

Today, October 7, in 
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to
New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates
adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances." 

1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of
Saratoga began. 

1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly
line when the chassis was added to the process. 

1918 The Georgia Tech football team defeated Cumberland
College 222-0. Georgia Tech carried the ball 978 yards and
never threw a pass. 

1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was

1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and
entered North Korea. In November China proved their threat
to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops
over the border into North Korea. 

1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the
first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and

1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty
with Britain and the Soviet Union. 

1968 The Motion Picture Association of America adopted the
film-rating system that ranged for "G" to "X." 

1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of
Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next
president of Egypt. 

1982 A record was set when 147,000,000 shares were exchanged
on the New York Stock Exchange. 

1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions. 

1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced
Marxism in favor of democratic socialism. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor,
and naval firepower to Somalia. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier
to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving
toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert. 

1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that
alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by
preventing banks from offering other cards. 

1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83
billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused
dangerous problems with heart valves. 

2000 Vojislav Kostunica took the oath of office as
Yugoslavia's first popularly elected president. 

2001 Barry Bonds (San Francisco Giants) hit his 73rd home
run of the season and set a new major league record. 

2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in
Afghanistan in response to that state's support of terrorism
and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first military action
taken in response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on
September 11, 2001. 

2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 

2017  smiled.

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How to change desktop theme in Windows 10 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Bimbo malfunction wanted to reject book gift to 
students from First Lady Melania Trump.
Today, Oct 6 in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the
Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area
that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but none of them ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective All Truth passes through Three Stages: First, it is ridiculed... Second, it is Violently Opposed... Third, it is Accepted as being Self-Evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this legend: Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to the invention of the television. The smaller rocks tossed at the women to spur them on soon became known as remotes! _____________________________________________________ Also from Dianne: While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Age vs. Priorities As we age, our priorities change. The other day Bob, age 57, came home and was greeted by his wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, Bob tied her up and went golfing. ______________________________________________________ Leaving before the tornado gets there _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Liz Phipps Soeiro Cambridgeport Massachusetts Bimbo malfunction wanted to reject book gift to students from First Lady Melania Trump. CAMBRIDGE (CBS) The librarian at the Cambridgeport Elementary School is saying no thanks to a shipment of books from First Lady Melania Trump. One school from each state was chosen by the White House to receive ten Dr. Seuss books as part of National Read a Book Day. Getting an education is perhaps the most important and wondrous opportunity of your young lives, Mrs. Trump said in a letter to the children who will be receiving books. The school's librarian, Liz Phipps Soeiro, wrote a lengthy editorial for the Horn Book's Family Reading blog explaining why her school does not need the books. My students have access to a school library with over nine thousand volumes and a librarian with a graduate degree in library science. Multiple studies show that schools with professionally staffed libraries improve student performance, wrote Phipps Soeiro. The librarian's editorial also criticizes the First Lady's book selections, which include The Cat in the Hat; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; The Foot Book; Green Eggs and Ham; and Oh, the Places You'll Go! You may not be aware of this, but Dr. Seuss is a bit of a cliché, a tired and worn ambassador for children's literature. As First Lady of the United States, you have an incredible platform with world-class resources at your fingertips. The pimply bimbo malfunction in her hysterical and hostile criticism of the First Lady totally missed the point, that Dr Zeus books are for learning to read and learning to love reading, and have absolutely nothing to do with political indoctrination. Most likely the books had been chosen by a panel of teachers to be the most suitable ones for kids, who are just learning to read, and were just bought and delivered by the First Lady. Eventually, the Cambridge School system says the opinions in the editorial do not represent the district and released a statement, which says in part: In this instance, the employee was not authorized to accept or reject donated books on behalf of the school or school district. We have counseled the employee on all relevant policies, including the policy against public resources being used for political purposes. Dr Zeus books are an absolutely necessary part of education, because quotes from them are more frequently used than quotes from Shakespeare`s works. Everybody assumes that everybody else has also read the Dr Zeus books or had them read to them as kids. Using them as an excuse to howl about the First Lady should be cause for firing, but in Massawhosits it`s just a sign of another hysterical Hilarite. Personally, I think the kindergartners or first class kids, who receive the books from the gorgeous First Lady, will treasure them for life. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Desktop Themes Dear Webby, First let me say thanks for all the tips, jokes and of course those outrageously cool pics you send daily. Is there a site out there anywhere that you can download free desktop themes without installing a ton of garbage? I'm especially interested in movie and holiday themes. I am stuck with Windoze10 :( Thanks in advance for your help. Keep it coming! Rhonda Dear Rhonda ANY, absolutely ANY jpg or gif or bmp picture will work. Yes, even animated pictures! For example, look at this: Save the tile from that to where you keep your desktops: Select the Start Start symbol button, then select Settings > Personalization to choose a picture worthy of gracing your desktop background, and to change the accent color for Start, the taskbar, and other items. The preview window gives you a sneak peek of your changes as you make them. In Background, select a picture or solid color, or create a slideshow of pictures. For an example of a desktop that is not tiled, save this picture of one of my dad's cacti: Do the same as in the first example, except toggle the mode to STRETCH. Any picture you save from the net, or any picture you scan and save as a jpg or gif file, or even any screen shot of a spreadsheet or word processor that you save as a jpg file, will work just fine. You can even make a "Boss Screen". Bring up your typical work, spreadsheet or word processor. Hit ALT Printscreen. That copies that screen into the clipboard. Open a graphics program, and hit CTRL V. That opens a picture showing your spreadsheet. Save that as Boss.jpg, and use that file for your desktop background. Now, whenever you have to go get more coffee and donuts, or you see the boss approaching, hit Windows key and D. Your games and Farmville and Facebook will diappear, showing the desktop, and the spreadsheet you copied. It appears you are busy, but nobody can mess with the picture of the spreadsheet. When the coast is clear, you hit the Windows key adn D again, and instantly Farmville and Facebook are open again. Have FUN! DearWebby

"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out of the way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the woman's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, " It's pretty clear that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Repairing a Lopsided Luggage Wheel By attosa [428 Posts, 2,376 Comments] My husband and I were browsing around for luggage for our holiday, but we were on a severe budget. We came across a free piece of luggage! The issue was it had a wheel with a huge chunk taken out of it, so when you'd pull it, it would bounce up and down and make a thunking sound. Annoying! But not annoying enough for us to let it go to waste. Here's how to fix a lopsided rubber or plastic wheel using a product called Plast-aid. Total Time: 30 minutes Link: Plast-aid site Supplies: Plast-aid lopsided wheel, cleaned and dried sanding tool Steps: Make sure you're in a well-ventilated area. Sand lopsided area of the wheel down a bit and dust off. Mix the Plast-aid components together until they have the consistency of thick cream. Apply and form to shape of the wheel. Keep molding, you'll notice it will keep getting harder. Let dry at least 15 minutes. Take the sander again and get rid of all the rigid Plast-aid edges until a smooth wheel forms. Push the wheel around to make sure there are no thumps. If there are, mark its thumping point and sand it down a bit more. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
1961 Novelty song My Boomerang Won't Come Back
____________________________________________________ The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized her evil laugh!" __________________________________________________
Celebrating a little boy's first pair of trousers.
___________________________________________________ The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip at the gas station. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?" "Well, the child was born without a penis," the doctor said. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with a smile on her face, she turned to rush into town to spread the news. Turning to the gas station attendant, Doc Wilson smirked: "but in about 20 years or so, she will have a nice place to harbor one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dianne for this report: A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically, that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective." ____________________________________________________ From Aletta Just to let you know. I loved your tip for changing the font size. I use it everywhere now, including my word processing programs. Just so you know (as if you didn't!), it works with Word and WordPerfect, too, and not just the browser pages. I really love your newsletter, it's helpful, funny, and often thought provoking. Thanks again! Aletta

Today, October 6, in 
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the
Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area
that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 

1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for
San Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived
on February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1857 The American Chess Congress held their first national
chess tournament in New York City. 

1863 The first Turkish bath was opened in Brooklyn, NY, by
Dr. Charles Shepard. 

1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in
America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000. 

1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for
selling beer. 

1884 The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI. 

1889 In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the
public for the first time. 

1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had
patented the moving picture machine in 1887. 

1890 Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church. 

1927 "The Jazz Singer" opened in New York starring Al
Jolson. The film was based on the short story "The Day of
Atonement" by Sampson Raphaelson. 

1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist
leader Chiang Kai-Shek. 

1937 "Hobby Lobby" debuted on CBS radio. 

1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against
Britain and France in an address to Reichstag. 

1948 "Summer and Smoke" by Tennessee Williams opened on

1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense
Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of
military aid to NATO countries. 

1954 E.L. Lyon became the first male nurse for the U.S.

1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American
families to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in
the event of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. 

1962 Robert Goulet began the role of Sir Lancelot in

1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win
back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel
war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo
against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain on
October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks. 

1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the
White House. 

1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony
was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA.
It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. 

2017  smiled.

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Camera monitor black when used outside 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 5

Thank you very much, Chubs!!

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida dope dealer charged after he 
installed cameras, recording his dealings
Today, Oct 5 in
2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the
entire state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. --- attributed to Dan Quayle I didn't really say everything I said. --- Yogi Berra (1925 ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mary's mother asked her, "What did Father say when he found out that you're pregnant?" Mary said, "Should I leave out the profanity?" "Yes, of course!" her mom said. Mary said, "Well, then he didn't say anything." _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this Q&A: Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal. Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answers: The never ending Coffee Break. Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jackie for this story: A man approached the minister at his church..."Reverend," he said, "We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?" "I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the hat pin. In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said nodding to Mr. Jones. "Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin. "Yes! You are correct,! Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply. Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Soon, Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones. "My God!" Howled Mrs Jones as she was stuck again with the pin. "Right again!" Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face. Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that thing in me one more time ... I'll break it in half and shove it where the sun don't shine!" "Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation ______________________________________________________ Mt Fuji from the ocean _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Dejesus Cabral, 26, Julie Rembert, 20, Stuart, Florida Florida dope dealer charged after he installed cameras, recording his dealings Juan Dejesus Cabral, 26, who was arrested about 9:30 a.m. Thursday and charged with possession of cocaine, possession of Hydromorphone and possession of drug paraphernalia, found that out the hard way. Martin County sheriff's deputies were pleasantly surprised when they found six cameras throughout Cabral's Southeast Norfolk Street home in Stuart, according to a Facebook post from the Sheriff's Office. "If you purchased or sold drugs at a home on Southeast Norfolk Street in Stuart, you may soon be selected for a future booking photo," the post read. Cabral's girlfriend, Julie Rembert, 20, also was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine, according to an arrest affidavit. According to the report, Cabral installed the cameras because he was afraid of being robbed. SWAT and narcotics detectives found the cameras after an early morning search of the home in the 80 block of Norfolk Street, according to the report. One camera was pointed directly at a shed used to store drugs, according to the social media post. Deputies found about 4 grams of crack cocaine in the shed, though Cabral told investigators he didn't know it was there, according to the report. Detectives are going through footage to identify customers, according to the post. A search warrant was issued for the security system Thursday, according to the report. Detectives watched footage of Cabral going to the shed where the drugs were found and reaching to the area where the drugs were stored, according to the report. Detectives also watched footage of a few other drug sales, according to the report. Cabral and Rembert were taken to the Martin County Jail at about noon Thursday, but both were released on bail by Friday morning. Cabral's bail was $20,500, and Rembert's was $5,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: Camera Screen Goes Dark Dear Webby, My digital camera screen goes dark or does not work in daylight outside, but works fine inside the house. Is there a setting for outside, to make it brighter? Nancy Dear Nancy Read the manual for that camera. Many cameras nowadays have a brightness adjustment for the monitor. Other than that, it's not the camera, it's your eyes that adjust to the bright light outside. Compared to that, the screen appears black. You can get cheap, or expensive, glare shield funnels, or make one, but they are very klutzy and bulky. Professional fotographers have used a black cape to flip over the head and the camera for 200 years. They are still the best solution if your camera does not have a true through the lens optical viewfinder in addition to the screen. You don't need a lined velvet cape like the old time photographers needed. The thinnest black silk you can find is best, so that you can fold it up small and stick it into one of those film containers that clip onto the camera strap. Any small box, just large enough to hold the folded up cape, will do. Just glue a loop of a short piece of ribbon onto it, so that you can thread the camera strap through that loop. While you are at it, make a spare. People WILL try to borrow or buy it from you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Storing Potatoes Potatoes should be stored in cool, dark place at about 40F. If potatoes get too warm, they will sprout and if they get too cold, they will get sweet. If potatoes are stored at below 40F, simply let them warm up at room temperature for a few days and their normal flavor will return. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin or a bag that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep. If stored in a the right conditions, potatoes can be stored for months. Tip provided by This may or may not be superstition, but where I grew up in the mountains of Austria, the ``potato cellar in every house had to have open, uncovered ground. We had a cncrete walkway, but under the shelves there was the dirt floor. The potatoes were in wooden bins on 2x4s at the bottom of all the shelves. Apples were one tier higher, and in the corner were the Sauerkraut barrels. We had potatoes till after the biggest ones were cut up in spring and used to start the next crop. We never ran out of potatoes, though in summer mom occasionally "stole" a few handfuls by digging in with her bare hands and grabbing young ones for a potato salad. There probably IS something to the old ways of having open, "breathing" ground in the potato cellar. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Can we autocorrect humanity?
____________________________________________________ Subject: THE VALUE OF UNDIES Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle, especially in public. From the Sydney Morning Herald - Australia comes this story: A west central couple who drove their car to the store only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was idly standing by. The mechanic, however, required three stitches in his head. __________________________________________________
Artist transforms fallen redwood into a giant octopus.
___________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the seventh time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested for the same thing in 1572, 1649, 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983. ____________________________________________________ From Rose Dear Webby Thank you, it worked. Rose From Margee Thank you so very much for the "French" quotes! Absolutely hilarious (and some of them from such a long time ago, too). - Margee :)

Today, October 5, in 
1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at the
Battle of Thames when American forces defeated the British
and the allied Indian warriors. 

1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to
the U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the
Canadian border. 

1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later
founded the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent
manufacturing company. 

1930 Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a
transcontinental airplane flight. 

1930 "The Fighting Priest" began airing on CBS radio. 

1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington
after flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The flight
originated in Japan and took about 41 hours. 

1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of
aggressor nations. 

1955 The play "The Diary of Anne Frank" opened at the Cort
Theatre in New York. 

1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at
Homestead Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered U.S.
air space and landed without being detected. 

1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC

1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing
Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981. 

1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around
the world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes.
He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles. 

1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a
Sinai beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The
policeman died in prison the following January of an
apparent suicide. 

1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus
after shooting him down over southern Nicaragua. 

1989 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) was
named the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his nonviolent
campaign to end the Chinese domination of Tibet. Gyatso was
the 15th Dalai Lama. 

1990 The Glasgow Royal Concert Hall opened. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that
his country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to the
arms reduction that was initiated by U.S. President George

1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion. 

1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bosnian
combatants. The civil war had lasted 3 1/2 years. 

1997 In London, the Express Newspapers printed an article
claiming that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were homosexual
and that their marriage was a sham to cover the truth. The
paper paid damages in a settlement on October 29, 1998. 

1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time on
the international space station to keep the cash-strapped
Russian space agency afloat. 

1999 MCI Worldcom Inc. and Sprint Corp. announced plans to

2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the
entire state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa

2017  smiled.

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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 4

Beautiful full moon out on the crunchy snow.
The surface melted a bit in the afternoon and got 
crispy crunchy when it cooled off in the evening.
The wind died down, so walking is actually quite

The deer and the cougars are coming down into the 
valley and seem quite nervous about the noisy snow.
When I get close, they freeze and watch until I am
past them, then they break and run.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man fights deputies at Publix, 
is brought down by stun gun
Today, Oct 4 in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible 
was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. ---- William Ralph Inge (1860 1954) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ---- Herbert Spencer (1820 1903) An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers, doing nothing, because his wife won't let him do it at home. ---- Socratex People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. ---- Hermann Hesse Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. ---- Woody Allen ------- Now, if the Senate got organized,... ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $5000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!" _____________________________________________________ Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get onto the ball!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones." ______________________________________________________ 36,000 feet, somewhere over Australia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan J. Walter, 21, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida Florida man fights deputies at Publix, is brought down by stun gun A Palm Beach Gardens man allegedly started an altercation with a Publix Super Market store manager, then fought with Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputies when they attempted to handcuff him, according to an arrest report. Bryan J. Walter, 21, is facing charges of assault on an officer, battery, resisting an officer with violence and simple assault. He was being held early Thursday at the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $3,000 bail. Deputies were called to the Publix at The Crossroads at Royal Palm Beach shopping center, at Royal Palm Beach and Okeechobee boulevards, and witnessed Walters yelling at the store manager about an inch apart from the man’s face, the report said. A deputy wrote in the report that he pushed Walter away because it appeared he was about to hit the store manager. Walter reacted by positioning his body as if he were going to fight the deputy, the report said. Told to stay back, Walter allegedly continued to advance toward the deputy. After being taken to the ground, Walter attempted to punch the deputy. A dart fired from a stun gun was used to immobilize and handcuff Walter, the report said. Records show that Walter was tased by a West Palm Beach police officer on June 2 and charged with misdemeanor battery. Walter allegedly pushed to the ground two employees of a West Palm Beach business and threatened an officer while stating he was carrying a gun. He was not. Walter was placed in a pretrial diversion program on Aug. 18 and ordered to perform community service and enroll in an anger-management class. After his latest arrest, Walter was ordered not to have any contact with Publix supermarkets. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Fonts too big Dear Webby, Lately my page ( everything on the page has been bigger then usually, is there a way I can make it smaller? Thank your for your advise. Rose Dear Rose Hold down the CTRL key, and turn the scroll wheel on your mouse. Depending on which way you roll the wheel, the fonts and pictures will zoom larger or smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing non-stop. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Storing Lettuce Store lettuce with a paper towel and it will last longer. The paper towel will absorb moisture. If you are storing lettuce in a container, line the bottom of the container with a layer of paper towels. Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
Can we autocorrect humanity?
____________________________________________________ A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania!". __________________________________________________
The forgotten tree house bars of bygone summers in Paris.
___________________________________________________ France, with an unmeployment rate nearly as bad as it was in the US at the end of the Clinton era, is making the news with major labor unrest, demonstrations, and just enough colorful car burnings and minor looting to attract the news media. The only noticeable reaction to that in the US was that every comedian dug out all the old quotes and jokes about the French. Thanks to Sandie for sending me the best ones: "France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. It has usually been governed by prostitutes." --- Mark Twain ------------------------------ "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton ------------------------------ "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --- General Norman Schwartzkopf ------------------------------ "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --- Marge Simpson ------------------------------ "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --- Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." --- Rush Limbaugh ------------------------------ "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin ------------------------------ "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --- Conan O'Brien ------------------------------ "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either." --- Jay Leno ------------------------------ "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --- David Letterman ------------------------------ "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --- Alan Kent ------------------------------ "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" --- Rep. Roy Blunt, MO ------------------------------ "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French." --- Unknown ------------------------------ Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. "Table for 10,000, m'sieur?" ------------------------------ "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --- Rep R Blount, MO ------------------------------ "Did you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv ------------------------------ The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. ------------------------------ French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney The decision comes the day after the nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists in army surplus camo pants.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this report: We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a lady from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuuuuusssseee me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen AND MINE IS IN THE CAR!" ____________________________________________________ A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation. Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?" She replied, "Your horse called."

Today, October 4, in 
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 

1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces
both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as
British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to
the Americans. 

1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 

1887 The Paris Herald Tribune was published for the first
time. It was later known as the International Herald

1893 The first professional football contract was signed by
Grant Dibert for the Pittsburgh AC. 

1895 The first U.S. Open golf tournament took place in
Newport, RI. Horace Rawlins, 19 years old, won the

1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St.
Louis, MO. 

1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The
area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 

1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount

1931 The comic strip "Dick Tracy" made its debut in the
Detroit Daily Mirror. The strip was created by Chester

1933 "Esquire" magazine was published for the first time. 

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at
Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight
the British, who had declared WWII after Hitler invaded

1948 The Railroad Hour" debuted on ABC radio. 

1957 "Leave it to Beaver" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 

1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first
jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with
flights between London, England and New York. 

1965 Pope Paul VI addressed the U.N. General Assembly and
became the first reigning pontiff to visit the Western

1981 Bruce Jenner and Harry Belafonte debuted in their first
dramatic roles in NBC-TV's "Grambling's White Tiger". 

1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games
despite the player's strike. 

1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since

1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 

1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman
Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-
hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men
had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for
general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 

1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through
the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant
being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 

1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to
the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 

1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers
rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 

1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC.
The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 

1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show
"Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 

2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their
airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early-
warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 

2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened.
The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on
the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It
was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in
space twice within a two week window. The ship won the
Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success.

2017  smiled.

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Is a TO address required? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 3

We had snow storm in the morning and early afternoon.
Then it cleared up, but the icy wind stayed.
Now it is clear with a beautiful nearly full moon,
with the snow and ice crunching noisily underfoot.
Definitely hood-up time, and even that way, not 
cozy in the icy wind. 
Apparently the Gullible Warming has gone to where 
they believe in it.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy 
retired accountant with no violent history
Today, Oct 3 in
1893 The electric motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented
by J.S. Thurman. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'We'll use my card`!" _____________________________________________________ From 2006 Thanks to Ed for this interesting tidbit: Subject: ENRON - US PRESIDENT -"BUDDIES" Which AMERICAN President? How Enron Worked the President This is an interesting bit of information that you don't hear much about. A. Enron's chairman did meet with the president and the vice-president in the Oval Office. B. Enron gave $420,000 to the president's party over three years. C. It donated $100,000 to the president's inauguration festivities. D. The Enron chairman stayed at the White House 11 times. E. The corporation had access to the administration at its highest level and even enlisted the Commerce and State Departments to grease deals for it. F. The taxpayer-supported Export-Import Bank subsidized Enron for more than $600 million in just one transaction. BUT... the president under whom all this happened WASN'T George W. Bush. SURPRISE ......... It was was the speaker for Hilary Clinton, some guy namend Bill Clinton ! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jerry for this story: Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's "PENTECOSTAL!" ______________________________________________________ Mitchell Falls, AU _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Stephen Paddock, 64, Mesquite, Nevada Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy retired accountant with no violent history He was divorced, was not known to have children, and was living with a woman in a home in Mesquite. At the time of his rampage, she apparently was in the Phillippines. His father was a bank robber, his brother Eric Paddock said. The FBI lists the late Benjamin Hoskins Paddock as being on the FBI's most-wanted list from June 10, 1969 until May 5, 1977. • The father escaped from prison in 1969 and lived on the run until 1978, when he was arrested in Oregon, the Eugene Register-Guard reported at the time. • Eric Paddock said his father died a few years ago and that "he was never with my mom." Eric said he was born while his father was on the run. • Stephen last communicated with his brother via a text, Eric said, asking about their mother, who'd lost power during Hurricane Irma. Eric also said Stephen spoke to his mother on the phone a week or two ago. Eric Paddock says his brother did not have affiliations with any terror or hate group, and that he doesn't know why his brother would do this. • "He was a wealthy guy playing video poker ... on cruises," his brother said, adding that Stephen could afford anything he wanted and played $100-a-hand poker. • Eric Paddock said his brother owned apartments and houses. • Marilou Danley was identified as Paddock's companion or roommate, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Sheriff Joseph Lombardo said. • She does not appear to have been involved in the shooting and was in the Philippines when the massacre took place, authorities said. Paddock had been using some of her identification, Lombardo said. • Paddock had been staying at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas since last Thursday. He killed himself in his room on the 32nd-floor before a police SWAT team burst in to ask him what the hell he was doing and why, Lombardo said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Address in the TO line Dear Webby, I have a question about email. I always send email from the 'To:' with my own address in there and then all copies to others go in the 'Bcc:' . My question is does there always have to be and address in the 'To:' area, or is it ok to send it with all addresses in the 'Bcc:' and leave the other blank? Would it cause a problem? Thanks for all of your help and humor over the years! I so look forward to your letter apprearing everyday in my email....keep up the great work, and stay healthy and happy. Luv, Cookie Dear Cookie Most email programs require that you have something in the "TO:" line. However, even if you can get away with leaving the "TO:" line blank, that would just make you look like an amateur spammer. Better put some address into the "TO:" line. Have FUN! DearWebby

A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Ohhh!!! TOYOTA!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Not too long after, another car flew by the taxi. "Ohh!!! NISSAN!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Yet another zipped by, "Ohh!!! Mitsubishi!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver, complete 100% American, was starting to get a little miffed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Chevy, when yet another car passed the taxi right as they were turning into the airport. "Ohh!!! Honda!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "that'll be $150." "$150? It was so short a ride! Why so much?" "Taxi Meter. Made in Japan. Very fast."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Use Coffee Grounds In The Garden By coville123 [379 Posts, 441 Comments] The next time you have coffee grounds, dump them in the garden. They will keep slugs and other pests away. Tip provided by Coffee grounds are NOT fertilizer or compost! Quite the opposite! You might as well use sawdust or gravel. I toss coffee grounds onto the path between rows of raspberries. It really stunts the weeds and grasses! Beats having to mow between the rows. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
animals being cute
____________________________________________________ From Evelyn My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home -improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back." __________________________________________________
Some awesome photos of this beautiful world.
___________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The computer thought the two of them were a pretty good match.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. The old gentleman approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the very embarrassed man. The old gent recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... But I don't want the same doctor that klutzed up yours!" ____________________________________________________ From Song Dear Webby, I used to hate getting up and checking the mail, until you finally convinced me to get the MailWasher. I don't know how much mail I lost because I simply deleted everything (except the Humor Letter, of course). Now the mail is civilized again. Thanks Song

Today, October 3, in 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor. 

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold
office of U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas
W. Hardwick of Georgia to fill a vacancy. 

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 

1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was
"broken" and they "would never rise again." Thanks to the
USA supplying them with arms and ammo, they did.

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line. 

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field
in Chicago. 

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world
when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers. The
US had given Britain the technology so as not to be the only
nuclear power opposed to Russia.

1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a
nine-hour flight. 

1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened
on Broadway. 

1974 Frank Robinson took over the management position of the
Cleveland Indians baseball team. He was the first black
manager in major league baseball. 

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had
lasted 7 months and ten people had died. 

1986 "Tough Guys" was released. It was the first comedy to
feature Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. It was, however,
their seventh movie together. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its
four-day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission
since the Challenger disaster. 

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to
Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to
the West. 

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait
after his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.

1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers. 

2001 ESPN began its 10th season of National Hockey League
(NHL) coverage. 

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after
being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named
Montecore, was debuting in his first show. 

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that
it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. 

2017  smiled.

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Is Ben Via a hypno drivel scam? 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 2

We had a terrorist act in Edmonton near the hockey arena. 
The cops got the asshole and put him into protective custody
before the hockey game was over. He would have been road
paint and impossible to interrogate.

While the cops chased him further away from the arena, he
flipped his rented U-Haul. The cops kicked in the windshield
and drug him out by his family jewels. Not sure yet if it
was a K9 officer, a male or a female human officer who drug
him out. Sure made a huge hole in the windshield!
Apparently, after that, he did not resist getting hauled to
the slammer.

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident 
was born addicted
Today, Oct 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (Asimov was the first Science Fiction writer to use a Word Processor. That was in the days when dedicated word processor machines were the ancestors of personal computers.) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Glen for this story: A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope to the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Larry Lee Wolting, Jr., Victoria Swift, 25, Muskegon, Michigan Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident was born addicted Before he first used a forklift to wreak havoc inside an abandoned factory and then commandeered a large construction crane, a father high on meth left his naked, screaming baby in mud and dirt. That's according to a petition seeking removal of the 2- month-old baby girl from Larry Lee Wolting Jr., who faces multiple felony charges following the bizarre incident in Muskegon on Monday. The baby also had amphetamines in her system, the petition states. Wolting told authorities that "he forgot he had (the baby) with him," according to the petition Child Protective Services filed Sept. 26 in Muskegon County Circuit Court. An emergency removal was approved by the judge. The petition details the eight-week-old baby girl's sad start to life. She was born with a serious addiction to methadone and amphetamines to a mother who had shot up heroin during her pregnancy and had lost her rights to four previous children. The mother, Victoria Swift, 25, is on probation for a June 29 larceny conviction, according to the Michigan Department of Corrections web site. Wolting, a sex offender, has multiple felony convictions and, according to the petition, was extremely high on meth and hospitalized after Monday morning's incident. The baby also tested positive for amphetamines and was taken to DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids for treatment, according to Muskegon County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Timothy Maat. "Dr. Buchanan (at Mercy Health's Hackley Campus) reported that his readings were so high that Larry needed to stay in the hospital to be aggressively treated as meth causes the breakdown of muscles and kidneys," the CPS petition states. Wolting was released from the hospital and arraigned Thursday in Muskegon County District Court on multiple charges. They include second degree child abuse causing serious physical or mental harm, breaking and entering a building with intent to destroy its contents, malicious destruction of property more than $1,000 but less than $20,000, and operating while intoxicated by crystal meth, Maat said. Police were called to the area of Roberts Street and Barney Avenue at 6:55 a.m. Sept. 25. There, they found Wolting sitting in the cab of a large Erickson's construction crane that he had taken from the former Esco plant and driven to a UPS facility across the street, Maat said. He had used the crane to drive over a fence and across Roberts Street, taking down a power line and hitting a light post, according to court records. It was an employee working at the chemical plant that found the baby, Maat said. "(The infant) was found lying face down underneath a chair in the (Esco) factory," the CPS petition states. "The floor was described as extremely dirty and full of mud from an open water valve. (The baby) was completely naked and covered in dirt. (She) was found crying profusely with scrapes on her knees and had a slightly bleeding toe. "Larry stated that he forgot he had (the baby) with him." It was discovered that before he commandeered the crane outside of Esco, Wolting had been inside the plant where he allegedly used a forklift to cause "lots of damage" to the contents, Maat said. Wolting apparently had been involved in the care of the baby, though he had "released" his parental rights to a then 12-year-old girl in 2014. In 2002, he had pleaded guilty to attempted third degree criminal sexual conduct with a person between the ages of 13 and 15, and is listed on Michigan's Sex Offender Registry. CPS reported it had "explored substance abuse counseling, Early On and assisted with household needs for Larry Wolting." It also had "explored" placing the baby with relatives. The baby was born July 26, 2017, and the petition states that since July 29, Swift, the infant's mother, never returned to the hospital to visit her drug-addicted baby. When she was 22 weeks pregnant, Swift had sought medical treatment for pain due to an abscess on her left arm, the petition states. She admitted to intravenous heroin use, the petition says. After that and while still pregnant, Swift tested positive on multiple occasions for various drugs, including marijuana, and amphetamines. She admitted following the child's birth she had been taking Adderall, a type of amphetamine, that had not been prescribed to her and receiving methadone treatment, the petition states. The baby tested positive for amphetamines and methadone when she was born, and because of her "high" neonatal withdrawal level was placed on morphine, the petition states. "The withdrawal symptoms (the baby) was experiencing included tremors, shaking, tightness and vomiting after eating," according to the petition. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: Hypno-drivel Dear Webby, you once told me that if something is advertised with an hour of hypno-drivel, then it is most likely a useless or way overpriced scam. Does that also apply to Ben Via Gold Chia? It certainly is advertised with godawfylly long hypno- drivel, but it does sound like there may be some benefits to it. What is your opinion? Marylin Dear Marylin It's total BS. Sure, chia seeds are prety good for you, especially the Mexican ones. Ben Via uses the much cheaper Bolivian seeds, that probably don't have the metals and minerals that the Mexican ones have, and instead of selling them in bags or bulk, they sell them in ridiculously expensive pill bottles. Chia seeds are definitely NOT a miracle for losing weight. They are just a nutritious seed with some good minerals and antioxidants and Omega3 fats in them. Like Buckwheat. If you can handle nuts, go ahead and try them. You can get them at the Bulk Barn, Amazon, and even Costco. Costco has bags of QUIA Superfood, which is a mix of Chia, Hemp seed, and some other reasonably healthy seeds. Some joggers claim that QUIA is essential for their performance, just like their $275 running shoes. There may be something to it, but so far it has not been clinically proven. I have tried a bit of QUIA once. It tastes OK, kind of nutty, and would probably go fine on oatmeal or with a zesty yoghurt, or even sprinkled onto a salad, but I sure would never pay the ridiculous prices listed for Ben Via Gold, which is just Bolivian chia and nothing else. Have FUN! DearWebby

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Simple Buttercream Recipe This simple buttercream recipe is perfect for icing your cakes and decorating them. Note: This recipe makes a stiff consistency buttercream icing. For decorating, you will need to thin it down so that it is soft enough to go through your decorating tips. Instructions for thinning it down are below. Ingredients: 1 cup solid white vegetable shortening or butter 1 tsp. clear vanilla flavor 2 Tbsp. water or milk, room temperature 1 lb. confectioners' sugar (approx. 4 cups) 1 Tbsp. meringue powder (Wilton sells this) pinch of salt (optional) Directions: Cream shortening, vanilla, and water together in a mixer. Combine meringue powder, salt, and confectioners' sugar in a large bowl. With mixer at medium speed, begin adding confectioners' sugar mixture, 1 cup at a time. Once sugar is thoroughly mixed in, add another cup until all ingredients are combined. Blend approximately 1 more minute until creamy. Yields: 3 cups Icing Consistency: Stiff Consistency: flowers with upright petals, such as roses Medium Consistency: Add 1 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing dam for layered cakes stars flowers with petals that lay flat piping figures, such as faces or animals basketweaves borders (shells, etc.) Thin Consistency: Add 2 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing your cakes writing vines leaves Tip provided by ____________________________________________________
If Y-E-S spells "yes" what does E-Y-E-S spell?
____________________________________________________ This was a story told to us by our chemistry professor at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was indeed what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get far enough away' said the professor. __________________________________________________
These 18 dead people have been so well preserved they will scare you silly!
___________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to warm up and refill." ____________________________________________________ >From Chuck I'm glad you are back, I missed you while you were gone. Thanks for the smiles in the morning, a nice way to start the day. Chuck

Today, October 2, in 
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a
Mexican cavalry unit. 

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his
"theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book
entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas
opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher
education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by
Texas Gov. Richard Coke. 

1920 The Cincinnati Reds and the Pittsburgh Pirates played
the only triple-header in baseball history. The Reds won 2
of the 3 games. 

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images. 

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old. 

1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow. 

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix

1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II. 

1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M.
Schulz, was published for the first time in seven

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the
Republic of Guinea. 

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United
States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods
was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first
African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany, a protest took place
demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the
adoption of democratic reforms. 

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades. 

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern
Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels. 

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States. 

2017  smiled.

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Phony PDF from the bank 

Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 1

Have Fun!

Todays Bonehead Award:
Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault 
after climbing naked into bed of host's 
7-year-old daughter 
Today, Oct 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. --- Robert Frost Well, Robert, you know where the stove is. Quitcherbitchen and start cooking! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. "I'll have a 'jumbo jet,'" he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. "Was that the 'jumbo jet?'" he asked. "Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn't it?" _____________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young boy came to Sunday School late one day. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy said, "No, there is nothing wrong. I was just going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Kinchen, Minnetonka, Minnesota Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault after climbing naked into bed of host's 7-year-old daughter An Airbnb guest was arrested after a Minnesota host found the man naked in bed with his young daughter. The homeowner, who was not identified, called police Sunday night to report that Derrick Aaron Kinchen had allegedly tried to sexually assault his 7-year-old daughter. According to KARE, a criminal complaint states that Kinchen was renting a room in the family's Minnetonka home for a wedding. The homeowner said Kinchen, 28, returned to the residence late Sunday night and at some point entered the parents' bedroom, where the little girl was sleeping, and climbed into the bed. The host said when he noticed the lights were on in the master bedroom he went to investigate and found Kinchen naked next to the girl. The host allegedly told authorities that his daughter's nightgown had been pulled up. The homeowner said he started yelling and Kinchen grabbed his suit jacket, wallet and ran from the house. Kinchen was found hiding in a neighbor's fishing boat. He was hospitalized after being bitten by a police K-9. The little girl was taken to Children's Hospital for an evaluation. According to investigators, she said she woke up when Kinchen entered her parents' bedroom. The girl said Kinchen allegedly whispered something to her and then got in the bed. The criminal complaint states that Kinchen pulled the child's underwear down but she pulled them back up, KARE reports. Airbnb spokesman Benjamin Breit told the Daily News that all guest and hosts are screened "globally against regulatory, terrorist, and sanctions watch lists." Guests and hosts in the U.S. are also checked for sex offender registrations, felony convictions and significant misdemeanors. "The reported abhorrent behavior has no place on Airbnb and we will not tolerate it. We are focused on providing our host family with our full support, we are working with the local police to ensure they have our assistance and we banned this user from our community," he said. "Keeping our community safe is the most important thing we do. None of our hosts should ever have to deal with anything like this." Kinchen was charged with criminal sexual assault and is being held on $250,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: PDF from Royal Bank Dear Webby, I got this email from the Royal bank: You Have One Security Message From RBC Online Services Center. You will need to open the attached PDF document to proceed. Your attachments are saved to your computer in the default download location set by your browser. That sounds kinda fishy to me. Luckily I got MailWasher and just read the safe preview without letting it download anything to my machine. What do you say? Angel Dear Angel Dump it. That is just a scam carrying a viorus or worse. The Royal bank does not mail out PDF files. They tell you to log in and read your messages. Actually, I think most banks do the same. Just dump it. Don't waste time replying and telling them where to stuff it, since they just forged the sending address anyway. Just be glad you got MailWasher! Otherwise that evil PDF would have automatically downloaded onto your machine. Anybody else, check your download directory and dump any and all PDF files in there, unless you KNOW for sure they are legit. I doubt very much that you find any legit ones, that you still need. If you are not sure, dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Napa Cabbage Stir Fry Recipe Napa cabbage is the original Chinese cabbage with crinkled, long leaves. By 15mhhm15 [259 Posts, 749 Comments] Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes Yield: 4 people Ingredients: 4 lb napa cabbage 2 tomatoes 1/2 white onions 1 lb shrimp Few Slices ginger 1 Head garlic 12 pieces mushrooms 3 Tbsp olive oil 1/2 tsp salt dash pepper 2 tsp oyster sauce Steps: Prep ingredients. Wash napa cabbage and cut into smaller pieces of your choice. Slice tomatoes, white onions, mince garlic, peel garlic (optional leave whole if you like a lot of garlic). Slice mushrooms. Wash shrimp and cut into smaller pieces or leave whole. In a large sauce pan, on high heat add 1 tablespoon olive oil and the garlic for a few minutes. Add napa cabbage until cooked. Then add tomatoes and salt. Turn off heat and set aside. In another pan on high heat, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and lightly caramelize white onions. Then add the shrimp and stir around until cooked. Add minced ginger and cook for a few more minutes until shrimp is fully cooked. In a small pot, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and sliced mushrooms. Stir around for a couple minutes and add oyster sauce. Now put all pans in one, combine together and its ready to serve. Tip provided by If you don't like shrimp, just add a sliced pepperoni stick and instead of oyster sauce use a TBSP salsa. The recicpe is very flexible and any experiment will turn out just fine. If you shred the Chinese cabbage, add a heaping TBSP of leftover mashed potatoes or instant mashed potatoes, a bit of milk or water, and two or three eggs, mix well and form into patties and fry them in oil or butter, you get a really fantastic treat. My mom used to make those Chinese Cabbage patties. There were no shrimps in the mountains. She used bits of farmer sausage instead. Those patties and a zesty potato salad were always a meal to look forward to. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Rick K and the All-Nighters WipeOut
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" __________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kathie for bringing back this classic: He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard, Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his mother used to do.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?" ____________________________________________________ From Nora Thanks for all the laughs!!!!It makes EVERYDAY a little easier when you can laugh!!!! I really enjoy the jokes!!! THANKS for putting a smile on my face!!!! NORA

Today, October 1, in 
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S.
effectively doubling its size. 

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 

1885 Special delivery mail service began in the United
States. The first routes were in West Virginia. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The
act raised tariffs to a record level. 

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post

1903 The first modern World Series took place between the
Boston Pilgrims and the Pittsburgh Pirates. 

1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850. 

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I
by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state. 

1938 German forces re-enter Czechoslovakia and seized
control of the German speaking Sudetenland. The Munich Pact
had been signed two days before. 

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States. 

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World
War II. 

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 

1946 The first baseball play-off game for a league
championship was played. The St. Louis Cardinals defeated
the Brooklyn Dodgers, 4-2. 

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the
Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 

1962 Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC-
TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the
previous host. 

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley. 

1968 "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA.

1971 Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL. 

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with
the United States. 

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama. 

1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on
the cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to
achieve this in 97 years. 

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow)
Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt

1984 U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that he
was taking a leave of absence following his indictment on
charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted. 

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli
jet fighters. 

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 

1989 The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief,
was published. 

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in
Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from
power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the
U.S. Senate. 

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a
series of trade agreements. 

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a
lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S.
through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 

1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for
the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of
killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the
U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction
of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 

2017  smiled.

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