He can't find tools in Spybot 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 25

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy 
after setting boyfriend's house ablaze
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 25 in
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the
English. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The meek shall inherit the Earth, but not its mineral rights. --- J. Paul Getty (1892 - 1976) Hell hath no fury like a bureaucrat scorned. --- Milton Friedman (1912 - 2006) Progress isn't made by early risers. It's made by lazy men trying to find easier ways to do something. --- Robert Heinlein ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A little girl asked her mother: "Can I go outside and play with the boys?" Her mother replied: "No, you can't play with the boys, they're too rough." The little girl thought about it for a few moments and asked: "If I can find a smooth one, can I play with him?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: The choir director selected the 6-year-old little boy with the sweetest face for the opening scene of the play. "Now, all you have to do is, when I direct the choir to sing '...and the angel lit the candle', you come on stage and light all the candles." "I can do it - I can do it!" the little boy said, excited to be the one picked. Rehearsals came and went, and finally the big night arrived. The choir was in grand voice, the stage was beautifully decorated with dozens of unlit candles all around, awaiting the moment when the cute littlest angel made his interest. The director gave the downbeat, the orchestra began to play, and the choir swept into the introductory lines, ending with an expectant "...and the angel lit the candle," and everyone looked stage right for the entrance. No little boy. The director gave the downbeat again, and gestured for a louder line, which the choir gave him - "...and the angel lit the candle," and again, all eyes looked stage right. No little boy. The director, beginning to sweat, motioned with great, sweeping gestures, and the choir thundered into the line - the curtains belled slightly from the sound - "...AND THE ANGEL LIT THE CANDLE!" And into the silence which followed came a clear, boy-soprano voice floating piercingly from stage right "...and the cat peed on the matches!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany Bonin, 26, Edgewater, Florida Woman accused of stabbing off-duty deputy after setting boyfriend's house ablaze A woman accused of stabbing an off-duty Volusia County deputy, who intervened in a fight between her and her boyfriend after she set his house on fire, faced a judge Sunday. Brittany Bonin, 26, was denied bail and faces charges of assault, battery and arson, authorities said. The judge placed Bonin on suicide watch and ordered a mental health evaluation, officials said. Bonin and her boyfriend got into a fight at his house on the 3300 block of Pine Tree Drive Saturday afternoon, officers said. The man ran to the nearby home of Captain Cliff Williams, an off-duty deputy, to seek assistance. After setting the man's house on fire, Bonin followed the man to the deputy's home and tried to attack him, police said. Williams, a 25-year veteran of VCSO and a former Marine, tried to shield the man from Bonin's attack and was stabbed in the process, police said. “It just goes to show you are never truly off duty,” said Sheriff Mike Chitwood. “He took a knife wound that was meant for someone else because his instinct was to step in as a protector. While Bonin faced a judge, her boyfriend's family cleaned up the mess police said she left behind. Deputy Williams was taken to Florida Hospital in New Smyrna Beach with injuries that are not life-threatening, police said. Edgewater Fire Rescue was able to extinguish the home. The structure can be rebuilt, but the interior is a total loss. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Daniel Re: No tools in spybot Dear Webby, in my copy of " spybot-search & destroy " there is no "tools" listed. is there a newer version available? daniel Dear Daniel Switch to advanced mode, then you see the tools in the left bottom. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man comes home from work and finds his wife admiring her breasts in the mirror. He asks, "What are you doing?" She replies, "I went to the doctor today, and he told me I have the breasts of a 25 year old." The husband retorts, "Well, what did he say about your 50 year old ass?" She replied, "Frankly dear, your name never came up."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Light Bulb Vase By advaym [22 Posts, 4 Comments] Total Time: 10 minutes Supplies: 1 old lightbulb pliers any screwdriver thread safety goggles gloves Steps: First wear your goggles, safety is paramount. Hold the bulb tightly wearing gloves or wrap the bulb in cardboard and hold it. Take the pliers and pull out those small knobs at the base of the bulb. This type of bulb base is called a bayonet base. They should come out nicely, but with a little force. Then using your pliers pull out the silver soldering at the base of the bulb. Now using your screwdriver start chipping and breaking the black glass base of the bulb. Be gentle while doing this, the glass here is thick, but easily breaks off. Now using the screwdriver break the inside part of the bulb where the filament is located. Hold the bulb with a tight grip, but not too tight or else the glass itself will break. Once the inside is broken it should easily slide out! Voila! the bulb is empty! Wash the bulb once to remove all broken glass pieces. Now pass a thick thread through the holes so that we can hang the bulb! I've put a money plant in the bulb and put water in it. It now hangs nicely in my room! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you can`t find any French bayonet light bulbs, the procedure for standard lightbulbs is the same, except you don`t have to pull the little knobbies off. You hang the bulb with two clear fishing line nooses on opposite sides around the threads. You can use invisible 2 pound fly fishing line and make the bulb look like it is hovering. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Chris for this report: A gas station in Mississippi was trying to increase its sales, so the owner put up a sign saying, "Free Sex with Fill-Up." Soon a local redneck pulled in, filled his tank, and then asked for his free sex. The owner told him to pick a number from 1 to 10. If he guessed correctly, he would get his free sex. The redneck then guessed 8, and the proprietor said, "You were close; the number was 7. Sorry, no sex this time." A week later, the same redneck, along with his buddy, Bubba, pulled in for a fill-up. Again he asked for his free sex. The proprietor again gave him the same story, and asked him to guess the correct number. The redneck guessed 2 this time. ! Again the proprietor said, "Sorry, it was 4. You were close, but no free sex this time." As they were driving away, the redneck said to his buddy, "I think that game is rigged and he doesn't really give away free sex." Bubba replied, "No it ain't, Billy Ray. It ain't rigged, my wife won twice last week." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: Although many men in our rural area have difficulty accepting women's lib, my husband helps with the housework. One day he took over the vacuuming while I went to the store. The doorbell rang. It was one of his friends, a burly ranch foreman clad in a battered cowboy hat, faded jeans and worn boots. "I was just cleaning," my husband said somewhat abashed, turning off the vacuum. The rancher looked relieved. "That's all right," he said gruffly, handing my husband a white paper bag. "I'm delivering Avon!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks loads for the spybot tip. I have safely fixed my SLOW computer problems!!! Sharon ____________________________________________________

Today, October 25, in 
1415 In Northern France, England won the Battle of Agincourt
over France during the Hundred Years' War. Almost 6000
Frenchmen were killed while fewer than 400 were lost by the
English. 

1812 During the War of 1812, the U.S. frigate United States
captured the British vessel Macedonian. 

1854 The Charge of the Light Brigade took place during the
Crimean War. The British were winning the Battle of
Balaclava when Lord James Cardigan received an order to
attack the Russians. He took his troops into a valley and
suffered 40 percent caualties. Later it was revealed that
the order was the result of confusion and was not given
intentionally. 

1870 The first U.S. trademark was given. The recipient was
the Averill Chemical Paint Company of New York City. 

1917 The Bolsheviks (Communists) under Vladimir Ilyich Lenin
seized power in Russia. 

1929 Alber B. Fall, of U.S. President Harding's cabinet, was
found guilty of taking a bribe. He was sentenced to a year
in prison and fined $100,000. 

1951 In Panmunjom, peace talks concerning the Korean War
resumed after 63 days. 

1954 A U.S. cabinet meeting was televised for the first
time. 

1955 The microwave oven, for home use, was introduced by The
Tappan Company. 

1958 U.S. Marines withdrew from Beirut, Lebanon. They had
been sent in on July 25, 1958, to protect the nation's pro-
Western government. 

1960 The Accutron watch by the Bulova Watch Company was
introduced. 

1962 U.S. Ambassador Adlai Stevenson presented photographic
evidence to the United Nations Security Council. The photos
were of Soviet missile bases in Cuba. 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
admit mainland China. 

1983 U.S. troops and soldiers from six Caribbean nations
invaded Grenada to restore order and provide protection to
U.S. citizens after a recent coup within Grenada's Communist
(pro-Cuban) government. 

1990 It was announced by U.S. Defense Secretary Dick Cheney
that the Pentagon was planning to send 100,000 more troops
to Saudi Arabia. 

2000 AT&T Corp. announced that it would restructure into a
family of four separately traded companies (consumer,
business, broadband and wireless). 

2001 It was announced that scientists had unearthed the
remains of an ancient crocodile which lived 110 million
years ago. The animal, found in Gadoufaoua, Niger, grew as
long as 40 feet and weighed as much as eight metric tons. 

2017  smiled.


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Weed out start-up programs 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 24

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Indicted Cleveland police officer 
slipped ankle monitor, escaped
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 24 in
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed 
by the Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the 
Thirty Years War. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen "I don't believe there's any problem in this country, no matter how tough it is, that Americans, when they roll up their sleeves, can't completely ignore." --- George Carlin Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance. --- Dave Barry On the whole human beings want to be good, but not too good, and not quite all the time. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Although we were being married in New Hampshire, I wanted to add a touch of my home state, Kansas, to the wedding. My fiancee, explaining this to a friend, said that we were planning to have wheat rather than rice thrown after the ceremony. Our friend thought for a moment. Then he said solemnly, "It's a good thing she's not from Idaho." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Allen for this story: My mom has a lead foot, so I was not surprised when a state trooper pulled us over as we were driving through Georgia. Hoping to get off with a warning, Mom tried to appear shocked when he walked up to the car. "I have never been stopped like this before," she said to the officer. "What do they usually do, ma'am," he asked, "shoot the tires out?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tommie Griffin, 51, Cleveland, Ohio Indicted Cleveland police officer slipped ankle monitor, escaped Authorities are actively looking for indicted Cleveland police officer Tommie Griffin. U.S. Marshal Pete Elliott confirms to Fox 8 that Tommie Griffin broke his ankle monitoring bracelet, and is on the run. Griffin was arrested back in January on charges related to the alleged beating and sexual assault of a 42 year-old woman in Parma. At the time, his bond was set at $250,000. Griffin, who is in his early 50’s, is a patrol officer with the Cleveland Division of Police. He was hired back in 1994. He was suspended without pay after his arrest, pending the outcome of the criminal case against him. Griffin initially faced charges that included felonious assault, kidnapping and rape for the alleged attack. Back in January, Capt. Kevin Riley of the Parma Police Department said Griffin was accused of pistol-whipping the woman and pointing a gun at her. Parma police also said Griffin allegedly fired two shots while holding the gun next to the woman, who police said was sexually assaulted during the attack. An escape warrant has been issued for Griffin. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Start-Up programs Dear Webby, I hope you can help me with this problem I'm having trying to get rid of startup things..I go to msconfig then start up then uncheck the things that I want not to start up..and then I shut down as instructed..but beholed all is back at start up... all are checked again..it's driving me to drink..not a bad drive..but that's another story.. Thank you in advance for your expert help..... Gary Dear Gary Use Spybot-Search&Destroy! It is on the side menu about half way down. In it's TOOLS, look for System StartUp and take checkmarks off anything you don't like. It shows you good descriptions of each item. Here is an example: ==================== Current filename: "C:\Program Files\QuickTime\qttask.exe" - atboottime Database status: Not required - virus, spyware, malware or other resource hog Value: QuickTime Task Filename: qttasks.exe Description _CoolWebSearch_ parasite variant ==================== Just take the checkmark off stuff like that, and exit. Next time you reboot, that item will be ignored and won't be loaded. If you ever need that resource hogging parasite again, simply put the checkmark back onto that item. As an added bonus, Item that were added since the last time you changed any settings, are shown in BOLD, to alert you to them. I couldn't really ask for anything simpler and more straight forward than that. And it's FREE! Just click on the button for it on the right side of the Humor Letter. Have FUN! DearWebby

If you tell the Navy to secure a building, they will turn out the lights and lock the door. If you tell the Army to secure a building, they will occupy it and forbid entry to those without a pass. If you tell the Marines to secure a building, they assault with heavy fire, capture the building, fortify it and call for an air strike. If you tell the Air Force to secure a building, they will negotiate a three year lease with an option to buy. If you tell the Congress to secure a building, they will form two separate commissions to study which security contractors will provide the best bribe packages, ahem incentives.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com >Borax and Cornmeal for Drying Flowers You can dry flowers in about 10 days using Borax and Cornmeal. This requires 2 parts borax to 1 part white cornmeal. First, cover the bottom a tub with a thin layer of this powder. Then place your flowers on top of this layer. Slow add more of the powder until the flowers are covered. It's best to not pour the mixture directly on the flowers (it may squish them), but off to the side, letting it cover the flowers as the tub fills up. Once the flowers are covered, let them sit for 10 days. Sand can be substituted for the borax but it takes 16 days for the flowers to dry if you use sand. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From Bobbie: On vacation this year I went to a resort in Wyoming. As part of the usual activities, a neighboring ranch invited guests from our resort to participate in a cattle drive. After watching 20 make-believe cowpokes whooping and hollering, I rode up to the ranchowner and asked her how many cowboys it normally takes to drive a herd of that size. "One," she replied, "and a dog." __________________________________________________
Rice paddy art.
___________________________________________________ As the family gathered for a big dinner together, the youngest son announced that he had just signed up at an army recruiter's office. There were audible gasps around the table, then some laughter, as his older brothers shared their disbelief that he could handle this new situation. "Oh, come on, quit joking," snickered one. "You didn't really do that, did you?" "You would never get through basic training," scoffed another. The new recruit looked to his mother for help, but she was just gazing at him. When she finally spoke, she simply asked, "YOU ? Making your own bed every morning?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Somewhat skeptical of his son's newfound determination to become Charles Atlas, the father nevertheless followed the teenager over to the weight-lifting department, admiring a set of weights. "Please, Dad," pleaded the boy, "I promise I'll use 'em every day." "I don't know, Michael. It's really a commitment on your part," the father pointed out. "Please, Dad?" the boy continued. "They're not cheap either," the father came back. "I'll use 'em Dad, I promise. You'll see." Finally won over, the father paid for the equipment and headed for the door. From the corner of the store he heard his son yelp, "What! You mean I have to carry them to the car?" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 24, in 
1648 The Holy Roman Empire was effectively destroyed by the
Peace of Westphalia that brought an end to the Thirty Years
War. 

1795 The country of Poland was divided up between Austria,
Prussia, and Russia. 

1836 Alonzo D. Phillips received a patent for the
phosphorous friction safety match. 

1861 The first transcontinental telegraph message was sent
when Justice Stephen J. Field of California transmitted a
telegram to U.S. President Lincoln. 

1901 Daredevil Anna Edson Taylor became the first person to
go over Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. She was 63 years
old. 

1929 In the U.S., investors dumped more than 13 million
shares on the stock market. The day is known as "Black
Tuesday." 

1931 The upper level of the George Washington Bridge opened
for traffic between New York and New Jersey. 

1939 Nylon stockings were sold to the public for the first
time in Wilmington, DE. 

1940 In the U.S., the 40-hour workweek went into effect
under the Fair Labor Standards Act of 1938. 

1945 The United Nations (UN) was formally established less
than a month after the end of World War II. 

1948 The term "cold war" was used for the first time. It was
in a speech by Bernard Baruch before the Senate War
Investigating Committee. 

1960 All remaining American-owned property in Cuba was
nationalized. The process of nationalizing all U.S. and
foreign-owned property in Cuba had begun on August 6, 1960.

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, U.S. military forces
went on the highest alert in the postwar era in preparation
for a possible full-scale war with the Soviet Union. The
U.S. blockade of Cuba officially began on this day. 

1969 Richard Burton bought his wife Elizabeth Taylor a 69-
carat Cartier diamond ring for $1.5 million. Burton
presented the ring to Taylor several days later. 

1986 Britain broke off relations with Syria after a
Jordanian was convicted in an attempted bombing. The
evidence in the trial led to the belief that Syria was
involved in the attack on the Israeli jetliner. 

1992 The Toronto Blue Jays became the first non-U.S. team to
win the World Series. 

2001 The U.S. House of Representatives approved legislation
that gave police the power to secretly search homes, tap all
of a person's telephone conversation and track people's use
of the Internet. 

2001 The U.S. stamp "United We Stand" was dedicated. 

2001 NASA's 2001 Mars Odyssey spacecraft successfully
entered orbit around Mars. 

2002 Microsoft Corp. and Walt Disney Co. announced the
release of an upgraded MSN Internet service with Disney
content. 

2003 In London, the last commercial supersonic Concorde
flight landed.

2017  smiled.


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Recording radio onto CD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her 
stuff while she was at the hospîtal with 
the dying toddler
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 23 in
1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average 
plunged starting the stock-market crash that began 
the Great Depression. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will. --- John Kenneth Galbraith (1908 - 2006) ______________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Kati for this: These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active? WITNESS: No, I just lie there. ________________________________ ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth? WITNESS: July 18th. ATTORNEY: What year? WITNESS: Every year. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact? WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory? WITNESS: I forget. ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot? _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you? WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which. ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you? WITNESS: Forty-five years. _____________________________________ ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning? WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?" ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you? WITNESS: My name is Susan. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo? WITNESS: We both do. ATTORNEY: Voodoo? WITNESS: We do. ATTORNEY: You do? WITNESS: Yes, voodoo. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning? WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam? ____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he? WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one. ________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken? WITNESS: Would you repeat the question? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: And what! were you doing at that time? WITNESS: Uh.... ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right? WITNESS: Yes. ATTORNEY: How many were boys? WITNESS: None. ATTORNEY: Were there any girls? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated? WITNESS: By death. ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual? WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard. ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female? ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney? WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people? WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to? WITNESS: Oral. ______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body? WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m. ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time? WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him! ____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample? WITNESS: Huh? ____________________________________________ And the best for last ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy? WITNESS: No. ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor? WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar. ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless? WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was relating their vacation experiences to a friend. "It sounds as if you had a great time in Texas," the friend observed. "But didn't you tell me you were planning to visit Colorado?" "Well," the husband said, "we changed our plans because, uh..." His wife cut in, "Oh, tell the truth, Fred!" He fell silent and she continued, "You know, it's just ridiculous. Fred simply will not ask for directions." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by David Earl Vickers, 31, in jail Florida Man killed girlfriend's son, then pawned her stuff while she was at the hospîtal with the dying toddler An unimaginable story out of florida, where a 31-year-old man is accused of fatally beating his girlfriend's 17-month- old son—then stealing her belongings and pawning them off while she was at the hospital with the dying toddler. David earl vickers called 911 on aug. 21 to report the boy, luca sholey, was unresponsive and not breathing, the miami herald reports. After two days in the hospital, luca was declared brain-dead from "injuries ... Consistent with child abuse," per a police statement cited by people; he died aug. 25 as a result of blunt trauma to his brain and asphyxia. He also had bruises on his chest and six broken ribs. On aug. 27, luca's mother reported her car stereo and laptop were missing, and she told police she "found out that he [vickers] had pawned the car stereo, so she suspected that the laptop was pawned as well," a police detective tells people. Police recovered the stolen items. They say vickers took the stereo on aug. 21, before luca went to the hospital, and pawned it for $30, and that he took the laptop and charger when luca's mom was at the hospital with the toddler and pawned them for $60. Vickers was charged with crimes related to the alleged thefts on aug. 30. After an investigation in which they found vickers had allegedly physically abused luca on several occasions before his death, police arrested him thursday and charged him with second-degree murder and aggravated child abuse. He'd been watching luca and his 3- year-old sister on the day luca was fatally injured, and he told police luca had been knocked down the stairs by an older sibling, abc action news reports. Vickers had just been released from prison in may after serving nearly three years for trafficking in stolen property and defrauding a pawnbroker. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sharon Re: Recording radio onto CD Dear Webby, I love the news & fun. It's usually the 1st mail I open in this box. Some of your tech questions & answers have been very helpful. Thanks so much. I have a question about listneing to radio online. I have a program I usually tape off my reg radio that comes on every day at the same hour. If for some reason I do not get it I can go the the site online & listend to it again. Is there a way to tape this broadcast onto a cd? If so how mucht time will usually fit on 1 cd.I am using cd-rw that say 700mb & 80 min. Does this mean i can get 1hr +20 min on 1 cd? I appreciate your help on this. Thanks again, Sharon Dear Sharon By compressing it to MP3 or MP4 you can fit a lot more than the original air time onto a CD. There are lots of ways to do that: http://www.google.ca/search?hl=en&q ... &meta= Ignore the ads on top and go to the real search results below. Take your pick! Have FUN! DearWebby

Q. Did you hear about the guy who finally figured out women? A. Don't worry. Your secrets are safe. He died laughing before he could tell anybody.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Marking Seed Rows Use paper seed packages as markers for rows of seeds. Just cover the seed package with clear contact paper to prevent it from the elements and slip over a small stake. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you need stakes, go to Home Depot or a similar building supply store, and ask for "Grade Stakes" or "Short Survey Stakes". They come in bundles and are cheap. To keep your seed lines perfectly straight, run dental floss between the end stakes. It is much stronger and much cheaper than any twine you can buy. You can re-use it for many years if you wind it up on the stakes at the end of the season. ____________________________________________________ I was walking when I noticed a woman walking cautiously and apparently painfully. The woman was wearing thongs, her black patent pumps held high in one hand and her other hand outstretched for balance. "You poor babe, your feet must really hurt," I said as she was about to pass me. "Wet toenails," she said tersely. __________________________________________________
How would you like to stay in a snow hotel? Slide show.
___________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher asked her students why they had to be quiet during the Church service. One bright little girl replied "Because people are sleeping."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A professor was giving a big test one day to his students. He handed out all of the tests and went back to his desk to wait. Once the test was over the students all handed the tests back in. The professor noticed that one of the students had attached a $100 bill to his test with a note saying "A dollar per point." The next class the professor handed the tests back out. That student got back his test score and $64 change. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 23, in 
1864 During the U.S. Civil War, Union forces led by Gen.
Samuel R. Curtis defeated the Confederate forces in Missouri
that were under Gen. Stirling Price. 

1910 Blanche S. Scott became the first woman to make a
public solo airplane flight in the United States. 

1915 Approximately 25,000 women demanded the right to vote
with a march in New York City, NY. 

1929 In the U.S., the Dow Jones Industrial Average plunged
starting the stock-market crash that began the Great
Depression. 

1942 During World War II, the British began a major
offensive against Axis forces at El Alamein, Egypt. 

1944 During World War II, the Battle of Leyte Gulf began. 

1946 The United Nations General Assembly convened in New
York for the first time. 

1956 Hungarian citizens began an uprising against Soviet
occupation. On November 4, 1956 Soviet forces enter Hungary
and eventually suppress the uprising. 

1956 NBC broadcast the first videotape recording. The tape
of Jonathan Winters was seen coast to coast in the U.S. 

1958 Russian poet and novelist Boris Pasternak was awarded
the Nobel Prize for literature. He was forced to refuse the
honor due to negative Soviet reaction. Pasternak won the
award for writing "Dr. Zhivago". 

1962 During the Cuban Missile Crisis, the U.S. naval
"quarantine" of Cuba was approved by the Council of the
Organization of American States (OAS). 

1962 The U.S. Navy reconnaissance squadron VFP-62 began
overflights of Cuba under the code name "Blue Moon." 

1971 The U.N. General Assembly voted to expel Taiwan and
seat Communist China. 

1973 U.S. President Richard M. Nixon agreed to turn over the
subpoenaed tapes concerning the Watergate affair. 

1978 China and Japan formally ended four decades of
hostility when they exchanged treaty ratifications. 

1980 The resignation of Soviet Premier Alexei N. Kosygin was
announced. 

1984 "NBC Nightly News" aired footage of the severe drought
in Ethiopia. 

1985 U.S. President Reagan arrived in New York to address
the U.N. General Assembly. 

1989 Hungary became an independent republic, after 33 years
of Soviet rule. 

1992 Japanese Emperor Akihito became the first Japanese
emperor to stand on Chinese soil. 

1995 Russian President Boris Yeltsin and U.S. President Bill
Clinton agree to a joint peacekeeping effort in the war-torn
Bosnia. 

1998 Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu and
Palestinian Chairman Yasser Arafat reach a breakthrough in a
land-for-peace West Bank accord. 

1998 Japan nationalized its first bank since World War II. 

2000 Universal Studios Consumer Products Group (USCPG) and
Amblin Entertainment announced an unprecedented and
exclusive three-year worldwide merchandising program with
Toys "R" Us, Inc. The deal was for the rights to exclusive
"E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial" merchandise starting in fall
2001. The film was scheduled for re-release in the spring of
2002. 

2001 NASA's Mars Odyssey spacecraft began orbiting Mars. In
2010, it became the longest-operating spacecraft ever sent
to Mars. 

2017  smiled.


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Sorting in WORD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 22

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
English woman who falsely accused soldier of rape
is jailed for five years
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 22 in
1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ There are plenty of good five-cent cigars in the country. The trouble is they cost a quarter. What this country needs is a good five-cent nickel. --- Franklin P. Adams (1881 - 1960) [It's] time for the human race to enter the solar system. --- Dan Quayle The real problem is not whether machines think, but whether men do. -- B. F. Skinner Listening, not imitation, may be the sincerest form of flattery. --- Dr. Joyce Brothers (1928 - ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man had fallen between the rails in a subway station. People were all crowding around trying to get him out before the train ran him over. They were all shouting. "Give me your hand!" but the man would not reach up. Ralph elbowed his way through the crowd and leaned over the man. "Friend," he asked, "what is your profession?" "I am an income tax inspector," gasped the man. "In that case," said Ralph, "take my hand!" The man immediately grasped Ralph's hand and was hauled to safety and a lengthy accident related delay was safely avoided. Ralph turned to the amazed by-standers. "Never ask a tax man to *give* you anything, you fools." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A recently divorced woman is walking along the beach contemplating how badly screwed up she got, getting all woried over getting the most in the divorce settlement, when she spies a magic lamp washing up onshore. She rubs the lamp, and out pops a magical genie!! The genie notices her anger and lets her vent her troubles to him. As a consolation, the genie informs that he will give her three wishes. But, he cautions her that because he does not believe in divorce, ane because she was such a bitch during the divorce, he will give her ex-husband ten times the amount of whatever she wishes. The woman is steaming mad, thinking that this is hardly fair, but she makes her first wish. The first wish was for a billion dollars. The genie grants her wish and she finds herself sitting in pile of one billion one-dollar bills. The genie then reminds her that her husband is now the recipient of 10 billion dollars. The woman can barely contain her anger when she makes her second wish. The second wish was for a beautiful mansion on the shore of her own private beach. In an instant it was granted, but the genie then reminds again that her ex-husband now owns ten of what she wished for, and points down the beach to a small development of ten such mansions. Upon hearing this, the woman takes her time to contemplate her last wish. Just as the genie was about to give up on her, the woman informs the genie that she wants to make the last wish. But, before she can do this, the genie again warns her that her ex-husband will get ten times what she wishes for. No problem, said the woman as she grinned in exstasy. For my last wish... "I'd like to give birth to twins". ______________________________________________________ Banff _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Rebecca Palmer, 26, in jail in England Woman who falsely accused soldier of rape is jailed for five years Rebecca Palmer, 26, was sentenced after she made fake allegations against a 22-year-old soldier after he "rejected her". Rebecca Palmer, 26, had “consensual sexual activity” with the 22-year-old, a court heard. But when the soldier – serving with the King’s Royal Hussars, based in Tidworth, Wilts – ended things she made a string of allegations, including rape. Jurors heard Palmer also said she was pregnant but claimed to have lost the baby in a purported suicide bid. Prosecutor Joanne Jakymec said: “On being rejected by him [she] embarked on a malicious campaign which led to him being arrested on more than one occasion and held in custody.” At Winchester crown court Palmer, of Swindon, was found guilty of perverting justice. She also admitted malicious communications and perverting the course of public justice. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Eloise Re: Sorting in WORD Dear Webby, Once upon a time, long, long ago, you told us how to quickly sort a list in WORD. Unfortunately, at the time I did not need that and did not pay attention. Can you please tell me again? Thanks Eloise Dear Eloise Highlight what you want to sort, hit ALT F9 (or click on TOOLS, SORT, then choose if you want to sort the lines or paragraphs. If you are sorting email addresses that are one address per line, select LINE. If you are sorting physical addresses that are 4 or 5 lines per contact, make sure you have a paragraph break (empty line) between each address block. If your sort task spans many pages, it's usually best to temporarily copy the data to be sorted to a new file, sort it there, and then copy it back into the original document. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sam and Anni are at the beach sitting on a blanket. A man with a body of a dancer wearing a bikini swimsuit walks by. Sam: Hmm... Want ME to wear a Speedo? Anni: No. Sam: Why not? I've got nothing to hide. Anni: That's the problem.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Check shipping before buying online Note the Shipping Charge When Bidding On Online Auctions You can find good deals at online auctions but one trick that some sellers play is they offer a low bid price for the product, but have a really high shipping price. Never bid on an item until you have calculated the cost of your bid and the shipping charge. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you want to see why I feel so strongly about it, have a look at a typical example that I uploaded: http://webby.com/docs/Why-not-UPS.html The item was a little circuit board that could have been shipped by mail in a padded envelope. Don't just not bid, tell the seller what kind of shipping is acceptable to you, and what isn't. DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Trevor for this story: A beautiful young woman is getting dressed for work one morning in her high-rise apartment building. She glances out her fiftieth-story bedroom window and sees a window washer outside. Thinking she will rattle him, she slowly takes off her dress. The window washer just goes about the business of cleaning the windows. Next, she removes her slip in a very provocative manner. Still, the man just keeps working away. Taking her striptease to the full extent, she takes off her bra and panties and begins parading around her room. The window washer still takes no notice of her. Finally, the woman walks over to the window and just stands there, totally naked, staring at the man outside her window. At last the window washer puts down his pail and says, "What's the matter, lady, haven't you ever seen a window washer before?" __________________________________________________
Well, this is a different table.
___________________________________________________ A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday dinner. The first course was set in front of them and the Jewish couple announced, "This is matzoh ball soup." On seeing the 2 large matzoh balls in the soup, the Gentile man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew. Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man, "Just have a taste. If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it." Finally he agrees. He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of matzoh ball with some soup in the spoon, and tasting it gingerly. The usual mmmm sound can be heard coming from somewhere deep in his chest, and he quickly finished the soup. "That was delicious," he said. "Can you eat any other parts of the matzoh?"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Ross for these anecdotes of a Washington DC area travel agent, who thinks she understands from these anecdotes why we are having problems in the US. I've been a Travel Agent for thirty Years. Following are examples of why our country is in trouble! 1. I had a New Hampshire Congresswoman ask for an aisle seat so that her hair wouldn't get messed up by being near the window. 2. I got a call from a candidate's staffer, who wanted to go to Cape Town, I started to explain the length of the flight and the passport information, then she interrupted me with, "I'm not trying to make you look stupid, but Cape town is in Massachusetts," Without trying to make her look stupid, I calmly explained, "Cape Cod is in Massawhosits, Cape town is in Africa," Her response - click. 3. A senior Vermont Congressman called, furious about a Florida package we did. I asked what was wrong with the vacation in Orlando. He said he was expecting an ocean-view room. I tried to explain that's not possible, since Orlando is in the middle of the state. He replied, "Don't lie to me, I looked on the map and Florida is a very thin state! 4. I got a call from a lawmaker's wife who asked, "Is it possible to see England from Canada?" I said, "No." She said, “But they look so close on the map." 5 An aide for a cabinet member once called and asked if he could rent a car in Dallas. When I pulled up the reservation, I noticed he had only a 1-hour layover in Dallas. When I asked him why he wanted to rent a car, he said, "I heard Dallas was a big airport, and we will need a car to drive between gates to save time." 6. An Illinois Congresswoman called last week. She needed to know how it was possible that her flight from Detroit left at 8:30 am and got to Chicago at 8:33 am. I explained that Michigan was an hour ahead of Illinois, but she couldn't understand the concept of time zones. Finally, I told her the plane went fast, she bought that. 7. A New York lawmaker called and asked, "Do airlines put your physical description on your bag so they know whose luggage belongs to whom?" I said, "No, why do you ask?" She replied, "Well, when I checked in with the airline, they put a tag on my luggage that said (FAT), and I’m overweight. I think that's very rude?" After putting her on hold for a minute while I ‘looked into it' (I was laughing) I came back and explained the city code for Fresno, CA is (FAT), and the airline was just putting a destination tag on her luggage. 8. A Senator's aide called to inquire about a trip package to Hawaii. After going over all the cost info, she asked, "Would it be cheaper to fly to California, and then take the train to Hawaii?" 9. I just got off the phone with a freshman Congressman who asked, "How do I know which plane to get on?" I asked him what exactly he meant, to which he replied, "I was told my flight number is 823, but none of these darn planes have numbers on them." 10. A lady Senator called and said, "I need to fly to Pepsi- Cola, Florida. Do I have to get on one of those little computer planes?" I asked if she meant fly to Pensacola, Fl. on a commuter plane. She said, "Yeah, whatever!" So I booked her on a flight to Whatever, Alaska. 11. A senior Senator called and had a question about the documents he needed in order to fly to China. After a lengthy discussion about passports, I reminded him that he needed a visa. "Oh, no I don't. I've been to China many times and never had to have one of those." I double checked and sure enough, his stay required a visa when I told him this he said, "Look, I've been to China four times and every time they have accepted my American Express!" 12. A New Mexico Congresswoman called to make reservations, “I want to go from Chicago to Rhino, New York." The agent was at a loss for words. Finally, the agent said, "Are you sure that's the name of the town?" Yes, what flights do you have?" replied the lady. After some searching, the agent came back with, "I'm sorry, ma’am, I've looked up every airport code in the country and can't find a Rhino anywhere." The lady retorted, "Oh, don't be silly! Everyone knows where it is. Check your map!" The agent scoured a map of the state of New York and finally offered, "You don't mean Buffalo, do you?" "That's it! I knew it was a big animal," she said. Now you know why Government is in the shape that it's in! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 22, in 
1746 The College of New Jersey was officially chartered. It
later became known as Princeton University. 

1797 Andre-Jacques Garnerin made the first recorded
parachute jump. He made the jump from about 3,000 feet. 

1836 Sam Houston was inaugurated as the first
constitutionally elected president of the Republic of Texas.


1844 This day is recognized as "The Great Disappointment"
among those who practiced Millerism. The world was expected
to come to an end according to the followers of William
Miller. 

1879 Thomas Edison conducted his first successful experiment
with a high-resistance carbon filament. 

1907 The Panic of 1907 began when depositors began
withdrawing money from many New York banks. 

1939 The first televised pro football game was telecast from
New York. Brooklyn defeated Philadelphia 23-14. 

1954 The Federal Republic of Germany was invited to join the
North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy went on radio and television to
inform the United States about his order to send U.S. forces
to blockade Cuba. The blockade was in response to the
discovery of Soviet missile bases on the island. 

1968 Apollo 7 splashed down in the Atlantic Ocean. The
spacecraft had orbited the Earth 163 times. 

1979 The ousted Shah of Iran, Mohammad Riza Pahlavi, who had
been installed in Iran by the CIA, was allowed into the U.S.
for medical treatment. 

1981 The Professional Air Traffic Controllers Organization
was decertified by the federal government for its strike the
previous August. 

1983 At the Augusta National Golf Course in Georgia, an
armed man crashed a truck through front gates and demanded
to speak with U.S. President Ronald Reagan. 

1986 U.S. President Reagan signed the Tax Reform Act of 1986
into law. 

1991 The European Community and the European Free Trade
Association agreed to create a free trade zone of 19 nations
by the year 1993. 

1998 Pakistan's carpet weaving industry announced that they
would begin to phase out child labor. 

1999 China ended its first-ever human rights conference in
which it defied Western definitions of civil liberties. 

1999 The U.N. Security Council voted to send 6,000 troops to
Sierra Leone to oversee a peace plan that had been signed in
July. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 million applications
downloaded. 

2010 The International Space Station set the record (3641
days) for the longest continuous human occupation of space.
It had been continously inhabited since November 2, 2000. 

2017  smiled.


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How to quickly recognize a spoof or scam 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 21

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found 
in Florida child porn raid
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 21 in
1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words per minute on a manual typewriter.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
America is a mistake, a giant mistake. --- Sigmund Freud (1856 - 1939) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I pulled up to the drive-thru of a fast-food restaurant and ordered coffee. I asked the clerk to put an ice cube into the cup so that I could drink the coffee soon. At the window, there was a delay. Finally, a teen-aged girl came to the window looking frustrated. "I'm having a problem," she announced. "The ice keeps melting." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two guys had businesses on the same street. One had customers coming and going and the other, well, maybe two or three a day. Finally, Morris, whose business was doing badly, decided to visit Shapiro, who was doing very well. Going in the door, he saw a large banner over the entrance which read : "GOING OUT OF BUSINESS SALE." Morris wanted to know why Shapiro was going out of business, since he seemed to be doing so well. Shapiro confided, "That sign has been in my window for almost eight years. If I took it down, I would go out of business." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A customer was so infatuated with his waitress he decided to ask her for a date, but couldn't get her attention. When he was able to catch her eye, she quickly looked away. Finally he followed her into the kitchen and confronted her. With a total lack of finesse, he blurted out his invitation. To his amazement, she readily consented. He said, "Why have you been avoiding me since you served me? You wouldn't even make eye contact." "Oh," replied the waitress, "It`s close to the end of my shift and I don`t want to make another pot of coffee. I thought you wanted more coffee." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Randall Drake, 24, Dunedin, Florida Explosive devices, weapon arsenal found in Florida child porn raid Authorities say they found three explosive devices and other weapons during a child porn raid at a Florida home. A Pinellas County Sheriff's Office news release says 24- year-old Randall Drake was arrested Wednesday and charged with two counts of unlawfully making, possessing or attempting to make a destructive device. Authorities say detectives found a locked closet while serving a warrant at Drake's Dunedin home, where he lives with his parents. Besides finding tubes filled with gunpowder and wicks, investigators also found aerial photos of two Hillsborough County schools and a water treatment facility. Deputies removed 20 guns, 15 knives, a baseball bat with protruding nails, a crossbow, brass knuckles and gun powder from the home. Drake was free on $20,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Brenda Re: Wireless Connectivity Dear Webby, I am used to using the wireless modem in my laptop to connect to hotels where I am staying, and am fairly comfortable with the procedure. However, now and then it happens that I connect to the hotel's router, and see good signal strength, but can't get anywhere. What do you recommend in those cases? Brenda Dear Brenda Get your money back and go to a better hotel. They gambled on a 4 station home type router being enough, and you were #5. They rarely admit that and that type of hotel usually tries to blame it on your computer. It is NOT your computer's fault, and not your settings. Do not let them talk you into changing your settings, and don't let them waste your time, while they hope that somebody will log off. Just demand your money back and go to a better hotel. Without messing with your settings, you can usually get better connectivity from the parking lot of a Holiday Inn, than from the lobby of for example a Baymont Inn. When enough people smarten up and demand their money back, they will eventually get proper equipment and stop trying to blame you. Have FUN! DearWebby

A new preacher had just begun his sermon. He was a little nervous and about ten minutes into the talk his mind went blank. He remembered some advice they gave him in seminary school when a situation like this arose -- repeat your last point. Often this will help you remember what should come next. So he gave it a try. "Behold, I come quickly," he said. Still his mind was blank. So he tried again, "Behold, I come quickly!" Still nothing. He tried once more, this time with so much vehemence that he tripped over his microphone wire and fell off the stage, right into the lap of a little old lady in the front row. The young preacher was very embarrassed and tried to apolo- gize, but the woman replied, "That's all right, young man. It was my fault...I should have gotten ready for you. After all, you did tell me three times you were coming!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Say "No" to Rent-To-Own Avoid Rent-To-Own stores like the plague. They offer horrible financing which will result in your having to pay at least double for any products you buy. You are much better served by getting a loan from a credit union, using a low interest credit card, or better yet, depositing money into savings account every month so you can buy the product outright. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ From Phil Friday, we had a tornado drill. We're underneath a parking garage and there's a PA announcement "This is a tornado drill. Please move quickly away from any and all windows." Somebody yelled out: "Quick, get to a DOS prompt!" (Click on START, type cmd and hit ENTER) __________________________________________________
A rare thread called "sea silk.
___________________________________________________ A business executive injured his leg skiing one weekend. By the time he got home Saturday, the leg was very swollen and he was having difficulty walking, so he called his physician at his home. The doctor told him to soak it in hot water. He tried soaking it in hot water but the leg became more swollen and painful. His maid saw him limping and said, "I don't know, I'm only a maid, but I always thought it was better to use cold water, not hot, for swelling." He tried switching to cold water, and the swelling rapidly subsided. Monday he called his Dr. again to complain. "Say Doc, what kind of a doctor are you anyway? You told me to soak my leg in hot water, and it got worse. My maid told me to use cold water and it got better." "Really?!?" answered the doctor, "I don't understand it; MY maid said hot water."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Having been married ten years and still living in an apartment, Sarah would often complain about anything, as she was tired of saving every penny to buy a "dream home". Trying to placate her, the husband found a new apartment, within their budget. However, after the first week, she began complaining again. "Joel," she said, "I don't like this place at all. There are no curtains in the bathroom. The neighbors can see me every time I take a bath." "Don't worry." replied her husband. "If the neighbors do see you, they'll go to Walmart and buy curtains." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 21, in 
1797 "Old Ironsides," the U.S. Navy frigate Constitution,
was launched in Boston's harbor. 

1805 The Battle of Trafalgar occurred off the coast of
Spain. The British defeated the French and Spanish fleet. 

1849 The first tattooed man, James F. O'Connell, was put on
exhibition at the Franklin Theatre in New York City, NY. 

1858 The Can-Can was performed for the first time in Paris. 

1879 Thomas Edison invented the electric incandescent lamp.
It would last 13 1/2 hours before it would burn out. 

1917 The first U.S. soldiers entered combat during World War
I near Nancy, France. 

1918 Margaret Owen set a typing speed record of 170 words
per minute on a manual typewriter. 

1925 The photoelectric cell was first demonstrated at the
Electric Show in New York City, NY. 

1925 The U.S. Treasury Department announced that it had
fined 29,620 people for prohibition (of alcohol) violations.


1927 In New York City, construction began on the George
Washington Bridge. 

1944 During World War II, the German city of Aachen was
captured by U.S. troops. 

1945 Women in France were allowed to vote for the first
time. 

1950 Chinese forces invaded Tibet. 

1959 The Guggenheim Museum was opened to the public in New
York. The building was designed by Frank Lloyd Wright. 

1967 Thousands of demonstrators marched in Washington, DC,
in opposition to the Vietnam War. 

1983 The Pentagon reported that 2,000 Marines were headed to
Grenada to protect and evacuate Americans living there and
to kick out the Cubans. 

1986 The U.S. ordered 55 Soviet diplomats to leave. The
action was in reaction to the Soviet Union expelling five
American diplomats. 

1991 Jesse Turner, an American hostage in Lebanon, was
released after nearly five years of being imprisoned. 

1994 North Korea and the U.S. signed an agreement requiring
North Korea to halt its nuclear program and agree to
inspections. 

1998 Cancer specialist Dr. Jane Henney became the FDA's
first female commissioner. 

2003 The U.S. Senate voted to ban what was known as partial
birth abortions. 

2003 North Korea rejected U.S. President George W. Bush's
offer of a written pledge not to attack in exchange for the
communist nation agreeing to end its nuclear weapons
program.

2017  smiled.


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How to recognize scams 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 20
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton
during alleged drug deal
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 20 in
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Beware of all enterprises that require new clothes. ---Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ From Hania At a wedding ceremony, the soft-spoken pastor asked if anyone had anything to say concerning the union of the bride and the groom. "Speak now, or forever hold your peace" he implored. That moment of utter silence was broken when a young woman carrying a child stood up and started walking toward the pastor, slowly. The new-born's whimpers echoed inside the church. Everything quickly turned to chaos. The bride slapped the groom. The groomsmen gave each other "knowing" looks. The groom's mother fainted. The Bride's parents quickly escorted their daughter out of the chapel. The Groom turned beet red in embarrassment as onlookers left the ceremony in a panic. The pastor asked the woman, "Can you tell us why you came forward? What do you have to say?" The woman replied, "We can't hear in the back of the chapel." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ From Phil I took a part time job as an opinion poll sampler, calling people for their views on various issues. On my very first call, I introduced myself, "Hello, this is a telephone poll." The man replied, "Yeah, and this is a street light!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An elderly woman had just returned to her home from an evening church service when she was startled by an intruder. As she caught the man in the act of robbing her home of its valuables, she yelled, "Stop! Acts 2:38!" (..repent and be baptized....) The burglar stopped dead in his tracks. The woman calmly called the police and explained what she had done. As the officer cuffed the man to take him in, he asked the burglar, "Why did you just stand there? All the old lady did was yell a scripture to you." "Scripture??'' replied the burglar, "She said she had an axe and two 38's!!!'' ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper Georgia Six arrested for armed robbery in Canton during alleged drug deal Six people in Canton face serious charges after they were arrested in connection with an armed robbery which happened Thursday night. Police said a group of suspects set up the victim to meet them on Jefferson Circle last Thursday. According to officers, the armed suspects then stole cash and narcotics from the victim and drove away. The victim called 911 to report the crime and police were able to catch up with the suspects during a traffic stop. Officials seized the gun used in the robbery, as well as what investigators call "a felony amount of drugs." Those arrested were: William Harris, 19, of Acworth Shamer Jones , 19, of Canton Marissa Lemieux, 18, of Jasper Brittany McGuire, 19, of Jasper Deshaun Tiller, 18, of Canton Nicole Clary, 18, of Jasper All were charged with armed robbery, aggravated assault, and possession of cocaine with intent to distribute Police said charges are also forthcoming on Shaud Pinzon, 20, of Duluth, who was identified by investigators as the victim. Those charges could include possession of cocaine with intent to distribute, according to police. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Annelise Re: Recognize Spoofs Dear Webby, Is there an easy way to recognize spoofs like the fake mails from PayPal, banks and postcards? Annelise Dear Annelise Yes, there is. Hover your mouse over the embedded links and watch the bottom status line. It will show you where the link actually goes to. If it goes to some number domain instead of the one it pretends to go to, or to a Russian domain (...ru), or any domain other than where it pretends to go to, then trash that mail. Have FUN! DearWebby

Two women came before wise King Solomon, dragging between them a young man. "This young man agreed to marry my daughter," said one. "No! He agreed to marry MY daughter," said the other. And so they haggled before the King, until he called for silence. "Bring me my biggest sword," said Solomon, " and I shall hew the young man in half. Each of you shall receive a half." "Sounds good to me,"said the first lady. But the other woman said, "Oh Sire, do not spill innocent blood. Let the other woman's daughter marry him." The wise king did not hesitate a moment. "The young man must marry the first lady's daughter," he proclaimed. "But she was willing to hew him in two!" exclaimed the king's court. "Indeed," said wise King Solomon. "That shows she is the TRUE mother-in-law."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Additional Warranties at Checkout At checkout at electronic stores, the clerk will always offer you an additional warranty. The script usually sounds a little like this: "Would like addition buyers protection on this product for only $20.00". Only buy products that have good warranties in the first place, and say "No" when a checker offers you an impulse warranty on electronics. If you are afraid that the product will not last past the manufacturers warranty, it's probably not worth buying. Also, your credit card may offer extended warranties on purchased items already. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ One summer evening, during a violent thunderstorm, a mother was tucking her small boy into bed. She was about to turn off the light when he asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled and gave him a reassuring hug. "I can't dear," she said, "I have to sleep with daddy." A long silence was broken at last by a shaken little voice saying, "The big sissy." __________________________________________________
Well preserved modernist homes of pre-revolutionary Cuba.
___________________________________________________ A YOUNG WOMAN inherited a home that had been built by distant relatives. Before she could take possession of the property, however, government surveyors had to decide whether it was located in the United States or Canada. When they declared the home was just inside the U.S. border, the young woman was very much relieved. “I’m glad to hear that,” she admitted. “I’ve been told that Canadian winters are quite severe.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Walter, the stonecarver from http://stoncarver.com for this joke: Every day, a male co-worker walks up very close to a lady standing at the coffee machine, inhales a big breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice. After a week of this, she can't stand it anymore, takes her complaint to a supervisor in the personnel department and states that she wants to file a sexual harassment grievance against him. The Human Resources supervisor is puzzled by this decision and asks, what's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smell nice?" The woman replies, "Its Keith, the midget." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 20, in 
1740 Maria Theresa became the ruler of Austria, Hungary and
Bohemia with the death of her father, Holy Roman Emperor
Charles VI. Maria Theresa put together an empire, in which
the sun never set, was always up somewhere. She had 23 kids
while being empress.

1774 The new Continental Congress, the governing body of
America’s colonies, passed an order proclaiming that all
citizens of the colonies "discountenance and discourage all
horse racing and all kinds of gaming, cock fighting,
exhibitions of shows, plays and other expensive diversions
and entertainment." 

1803 The U.S. Senate approved the Louisiana Purchase. 

1818 The U.S. and Great Britain established the boundary
between the U.S. and Canada to be the 49th parallel. 

1827 The Battle of Navarino took place during the Greek War
for Independence. 

1873 A Hippodrome was opened in New York City by showman
Phineus T. (P.T.) Barnum. 

1892 The city of Chicago dedicated the World's Columbian
Exposition. 

1903 A joint commission ruled in favor of the U.S.
concerning a dispute over the boundary between Canada and
the District of Alaska. 

1910 A baseball with a cork center was used in a World
Series game for the first time. 

1930 "The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes" debuted on NBC
radio. 

1935 Mao Zedong arrived in Hanoi after his Long March that
took just over a year. He then set up the Chinese Communist
Headquarters. 

1942 Pierre Laval told the French labor that they must serve
in Germany. 

1944 Allied forces invaded the Philippines. 

1944 During World War II, the Yugoslav cities of Belgrade
and Dubrovnik were liberated. 

1947 Hollywood came under scrutiny as the House Un-American
Activities Committee opened hearings into alleged Communist
influence within the motion picture industry. It drove the
Communists underground and made them call themselves
Socialists and Liberals.

1952 The Mau Mau uprising against white settlers began in
Kenya. 

1957 Walter Cronkite began hosting "The 20th Century." The
show aired until January 4, 1970. 

1968 Jackie Lee Bouvier Kennedy married Aristotle Onassis. 

1979 The John F. Kennedy Library in Boston was dedicated. 

1993 Attorney General Janet Reno warned the TV industry to
limit the violence in their programs. 

1994 The website WhiteHouse.gov was launched. 

1995 Britain, France and the U.S. announced a treaty that
banned atomic blasts in the South Pacific. 

2003 A 40-year-old man went over Niagara Falls without
safety devices and survived. He was charged with illegally
performing a stunt. 

2009 European astronomers discover 32 exoplanets.

2017  smiled.


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Is a firewall necessary? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 19
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out 
of jail in wacky escape. 
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 19 in
1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
I never guess. It is a capital mistake to theorize before one has data. Insensibly one begins to twist facts to suit theories, instead of theories to suit facts. --- Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859 - 1930) It has been said that man is a rational animal. All my life I have been searching for evidence which could support this. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) Only the shallow know themselves. --- Oscar Wilde When a person can no longer laugh at himself, it is time for others to laugh at him. --- Thomas Szasz No human thing is of serious importance. --- Plato (427 BC - 347 BC) ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A guy wanted to get in the temple on Yom Kippur, but without a ticket they don't let you in on the Jewish high holidays. He said, "Look, I have to give an emergency message to a doctor friend in there." The guy at the door says, "Sorry, you got to have a ticket." The first guy replies, "Just let me in for one minute, I'll give the doctor the message and then I'll be right out." "All right," says the guy at the door, "but I better not catch you praying." ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ When the aged president of the company was out of town, half a dozen of his senior executives got together to plan some way to ease the old coot out of the driver's seat. To their horror, the executive VP's secretary buzzed him halfway through the meeting to inform him that the president had come back early and was on his way to see him. "If he catches us all here he'll know exactly what we're up to," cried the VP. "Quick, you five jump out the window!" "But we're on the thirteenth floor," protested the treasurer. "Jump!" yelled the VP. "This is no time for superstition!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Bob made an appointment with a urologist, famous for his work in the field of impotence. The doctor examined him and said, "You're in remarkably good condition for a man of 85. Why are you here?" Sam replied, "My friend Max says he has sex twice a week. I can't do that." The doctor shrugged. "Yes you can. You can certainly SAY you have sex as many times a week as you like." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Peanut brain gang Walker County Jail Alabama 12 inmates use peanut butter to skip out of jail in wacky escape. 11 of 12 got caught the same day, the 12th on the next day 800 Miles away. Twelve inmates at Walker County Jail in Alabama used peanut butter to fool a newbie prison guard so they could escape on Sunday, AL.com reported. But authorities hunted them down quickly. 11 were in custody the same evening. Spreading the sticky lunch favorite, the men covered a number on a door to the outside. The new guard in the control room thought he was unlocking a cell door remotely for inmates who yelled to him to open up. But really, the guard was leading them on the way to freedom, Sheriff James Underwood told CNN. The inmates then used blankets to climb a 12-foot fence topped with razor wire. “Changing numbers on doors with peanut butter ? It may sound crazy, but these kinds of people are crazy like a fox,” Underwood said at a news conference. Bradley Andrew Kilpatrick, 24, who was jailed on drug charges, was the only inmate still free as of Monday night, according to the New York Daily News. He was caught Tuesday after his sister and her fiancee had driven him to Florida. Now they are jailed too. “Escapes happen,” Underwood said, per AP. “We’ve got some evil people down here, and they scheme all the time to con us and our employees at the jail. You’ve got to stay on your toes. This is one time we slipped up. I’m not going to make any excuses.” Jail breaks are serioous felonies, skipping to a different state makes it an interstate crime. By the time that 12th guy gets out into sunshine again, dope will have gone out of fashion. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ann Re: Disable Firewall? Dear Webby, I have had Norton/Symantic Anti Virus, internet security and a firewall installed on my pc when I bought it 3 months ago. Out of the blue, I could not send and receive e mails, so I called Road Runner Tech Support. The tech made me disable the firewall. Now I can get e mails, but have no firewall. Should I just keep the firewall disabled???? Thanks, Ann S Dear Ann NO! Do NOT disable your firewall! What a MORON! Firewalls are not sold to be disabled. They are sold to protect you. I have not recommended Norton since 2000, but even Norton's firewall is better than no firewall at all. I would suggest getting MalwareBytes or McAfee. If that is not in the budget right now, enable the built in Microsoft firewall. It works, and it is free. Contact support at the maker of your computer and get them to step you through enabling the Microsoft firewall. Dont delay that! Do it now! Have FUN! DearWebby

A linguistics professor was lecturing his class. "In English," he explained, "a double negative forms a positive. In some languages, such as Russian, a double negative is still a negative." "However," the professor continued, "there is no language wherein a double positive can form a negative." A voice from the back of the room piped up. "Yeah, right."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Store Return Policies Before purchasing something from a store, make sure you know and understand their return policies, and how they apply to what you are buying. Most stores have restocking fees for opened items and some items like software cannot be returned if opened. Also, some stores only accept returns of certain types of items, like electronics, for anywhere from 7 to 30 days after purchase. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Some, like Walmart, want you to send warranty items to the manufacturer. ____________________________________________________
Life of flowers
____________________________________________________ Thanks to the folks from Erie for this story: Mujibar was trying to get into America legally through Immigration. The Immigration Officer said, "Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except there is one more test. Unless you pass it you cannot enter America." Mujibar said, "I am ready." The officer said, "Make a sentence using the words yellow, pink and green." Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said, "Mister Officer, I am ready." The Officer said, "Go ahead." Mujibar said, "The telephone goes green, green, green, and I pink it up, and say, "Yellow, this is Mujibar.'" Mujibar now lives in a neighborhood near you and works at AOL on the Help Desk. __________________________________________________
Real world fairy-tale landscapes.
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Teresa for this story: A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast", so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What´s your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken," she replied proudly. "Baked tongue of chicken? Do you have ANY idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken´s mouth!" the man fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "Well, what would you like then, sir?" The man replied, "Just bring me some scrambled eggs." ___________________________________________________ Bubba was from Alabama and was a hard-shell Southern Baptist. He loved to sneak away to the race track. One day he was there betting on the ponies and losing his shirt, when he noticed a priest step out onto the track and bless the forehead of one of the horses lining up for the 4th race. Lo and behold, this horse -- a very long shot -- won the race. Bubba was most interested to see what the priest did in the next race. Sure enough, he watched the priest step out onto the track as the horses for the fifth race lined up, and placed a blessing on the forehead of one of the horses. Bubba made a beeline for the window and placed a small bet on the horse. Again, even though another long shot, the horse the priest had blessed won the race. Bubba collected his winning and anxiously waited to see which horse the priest bestowed his blessing on for the 6th race. The priest showed, blessed a horse, Bubba bet on it, and it won! Bubba was elated! As the day went on, the priest continued blessing one of the horses, and it always came in first. Bubba began to pull in some serious money, and by the last race, he knew his wildest dreams were going to come true. He made a quick stop at the ATM, withdrew all his money and awaited the priest's blessing that would tell him which horse to bet on. True to his pattern, the priest stepped out onto the track before the last race and blessed the forehead, eyes, ears and hooves of one of the horses. Bubba bet every cent, and watched the horse come in dead last. He was dumbfounded. He made his way to the track and when he found the priest. He demanded, "What happened, Father? All day you blessed horses and they won. The last race, you blessed a horse and he lost. Now I've lost all my savings, thanks to you!!" The priest nodded wisely and said, "That's the problem with you Baptists...you can't tell the difference between a simple blessing and Last Rites.”
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
From Connie R I'm sure you've heard from the news that 100 years ago a magnitude 7.8 earthquake struck San Francisco. BUT did you know what else happened in California approximately 100 years ago????? 1. California became a State. 2. The State had no electricity. 3. The State had no money. 4. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. 5. There were gun fights in the streets. So basically, it was just like California today, except the women didn't have earthquake proof breasts and men didn't hold hands. ____________________________________________________

Today, October 19, in 
1765 In the U.S., The Stamp Act Congress met and drew up a
declaration of rights and liberties. 

1781 British General Charles Lord Cornwallis surrendered to
U.S. General George Washington at Yorktown, Virginia. It was
to be the last major battle of the American Revolutionary
War. 

1812 Napoleon Bonaparte's French forces began their retreat
out of Russia after a month of chasing the fleeing Russian
army. 

1914 In the U.S., government owned vehicles were first used
to pick up mail in Washington, DC. 

1915 The U.S. recognized General Venustiano Carranza as the
president of Mexico. The U.S. imposed embargo to all parts
of Mexico except where Carranza was in control. 

1933 Basketball was introduced to the 1936 Olympic Games by
the Berlin Organization Committee. 

1937 "Woman's Day" was published for the first time. 

1943 The Moscow Conference of Foreign Ministers began in
Russia during World War II. Delegates from the U.S.S.R.,
Great Britain, the U.S., and China met to discuss war aims
and cooperation between the nations. 

1944 The U.S. Navy announced that black women would be
allowed into Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service
(WAVES). 

1950 The United Nations forces entered the North Korean
capital of Pyongyang. 

1951 U.S. President Truman signed an act officially ending
the state of war with Germany. 

1960 The United States imposed an embargo on exports to Cuba
covering all commodities except medical supplies and certain
food products. 

1969 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew referred to anti-
Vietnam War protesters "an effete corps of impudent snobs." 

1977 The Concorde made its first landing in New York City. 

1984 Four U.S. employees of the CIA were killed in El
Salvador when their plane crashed. 

1987 The Dow Jones industrial average dropped 508 points. It
was the worst one-day percentage decline, 22.6%, in history.


1989 The U.S. Senate rejected a proposed constitutional
amendment that barred the desecration of the American flag. 

1993 Benazir Bhutto was returned to the premiership of
Pakistan. 

1998 In Washington, DC, Microsoft went on trial to defend
against an antitrust case. 

1998 Former heavyweight champion Mike Tyson got his boxing
license back after he had lost it for biting Evander
Holyfield's ear during a fight. 

2003 In London, magician David Blaine emerged from a clear
plastic box that had been suspended by a crane over the
banks of the Thames River. He survived only on water for 44
days. Blaine had entered the box on September 5. 

2009 The international version of Amazon's Kindle 2 was
released. 

2017  smiled.
https://www.facebook.com/JoshuaNowickiPhotography/videos/1529618497093809/


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Camera recommendation 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 18
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret 
theft and car chase.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 18 in
Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. 
The marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
Turn the world over on its side and everything loose will land in Los Angeles. --- Frank Lloyd Wright (1869 - 1959) In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on. --- Robert Frost (1874 - 1963) Again and again, the impossible problem is solved when we see that the problem is only a tough decision waiting to be made. --- Robert H. Schuller ______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Thanks to Byron for this story: Three little boys were concerned because they couldn't get anyone to play with them. They decided it was because they had not been baptized and didn't go to Sunday School. So they went to the nearest church. Only the janitor was there. One little boy said, "We need to be baptized because no one will come out and play with us. Will you baptize us?" "Sure," said the janitor. He took them into the bathroom and dunked their little heads in the toilet bowl, one at a time. Then he said, "You are now baptized!". When they got outside, one of them asked, "What religion do you think we are?" The oldest one said, "We're not Kathlick, .....because they pour the water on you." "We're not Babtis, .....because they dunk all of you in the water." "We're not Methdiss, ......because they just sprinkle water on you." The littlest one said, "Didn't you smell that water!" They all joined in asking, "Yeah! What do you think that means?" "I think it means we're Pisscopailians. ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: The FBI had an opening for an assassin. After all the background checks, interviews and testing were done, there were 3 finalists: Two men and a woman. For the final test, the FBI agents took one of the men to a large metal door and handed him a gun. "We must know that you will follow your instructions no matter what the circumstances. Inside the room you will find somebody sitting in a chair. Kill that person!" The man entered the killing room and came right back out. The man said, "You can't be serious. I could never shoot my wife." The agent said, "Then you're not the right man for this job. Take your wife and go home." The second man was given the same instructions. He took the gun and went into the room. All was quiet for about 5 minutes. The man came out with tears in his eyes, "I tried, but I can't kill my wife." The agent said, "You don'! t have what it takes. Take your wife and go home." Finally, it was the woman's turn. She was given the same instructions, to go into the room and kill the person sitting on the chair. She took the gun and went into the room. Shots were heard, one after another. They heard screaming, crashing, banging on the walls. After a few minutes, all was quiet. The door opened slowly and there stood the woman, wiping the sweat from her brow. "This gun was loaded with blanks" she said. "I had to beat him to death with the chair." MORAL: Women are evil. Don't mess with them _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ THanks to Dianne for this sage advice: 5 secrets to a perfect relationship 1. It is important that a man helps you around the house and has a job. 2. It is important that a man makes you laugh. 3. It is important to find a man you can count on and who doesn't lie to you. 4. It is important that a man is good in bed and loves making love to you. 5. It is important that these four men don't know each other. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, (green hair) Lamonica McGee, 23, St. Louis, Missouri 3 women charged in $7,000 Victoria's Secret theft and car chase. St. Louis, Missouri — Three women have been charged with stealing more than $7,000 worth of Victoria’s Secret merchandise. Brittany R. Bobo, 24, Shomyia Hemphill, 28, and Lamonica McGee, 23, are facing felony stealing charges. Hemphill is also facing an additional charge of resisting arrest. The crime that began at Victoria’s Secret ended in a car fire on Highway 64/40. Police say the women entered a Victoria’s Secret in the Meadows shopping center in Lake St. Louis, walked to the front displays and began stacking clothing that had been spread out on display tables. After the women made numerous stacks they took the clothing and ran out, police say. Lake St. Louis Police say the women drove off in a 2007 Nissan Altima. Police tried to stop their car as it fled east on Interstate 64. During the pursuit the driver struck a curb and blew out the tire. Driving on an exposed rim, the suspects fled east on 64/40 with officers following them. Eventually, the driver pulled over near Spoede Road and the car caught fire, likely due to the heat and sparks from the rims grinding against the roadway. All but one lane of eastbound Highway 64/40 was closed at Spoede and the westbound lanes, while open, were heavily slowed by curious gawkers slowing down and taking pictures. None of the suspects were injured and the 3 women were arrested. Bond for the suspects is set at $10,000 each. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Wendy Re: Camera recommendation Dear Webby, Hi, There. Thanks for all the information you give us. It really helps us who have a trouble by times! HA! HA! My question is this: I'm in the market for a new camera. Wondering what is the best buy. I don't do anything fancy, just take photos but I want to be able to take good photos. Love landscapes, birds, butterflies etc. Especially flowers. I have a KodakEasyShare that is around 15-20 years old and it's time to upgrade. Any suggestions? Thanks for all the jokes, they make my morning. And also thanks for all the info on the sidebar. Have used some of the info and there are some fantastic programs there for everything that anyone might need. Keep up the good work and stay healthy Wendy Dear Wendy If I had the money for a new camera, I would buy a Canon Powershot. There are various models for various budgets. Even the lowest cost version is a great camera. Check Price Grabber, Amazon, Walmart, etc., for new ones. Have FUN! DearWebby

The other day I was in the local auto parts store. A lady comes in and asks for a seven ten cap. We all looked at each other and said, "What's a seven ten cap?" She said "You know, it's right on the engine. Mine got lost somehow and I need a new one." "What kind of a car is it on?" they asked. Now I'm thinking maybe an old Datsun Seven Ten, but no, she said, "It's a Buick." "OK lady, how big is it?" She makes a circle with her hands about 3 1/2 inches in diameter. "What does it do?" we asked. She said, "I don't know but it's always been there." One of us gave her a note pad and asked her if she could draw a picture of it. So she makes a circle about 3 1/2 inches in diameter and in the center she writes 710. The guys behind the counter are looking at it upside down as she writes it and they just fall down behind the counter laughing. Finally one catc hes his breath and tells her, "Yes, we have 710 caps for Buicks."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Changing a Hot Light Bulb If you don't want to wait a few minutes for the light bulb to cool down, just use an oven mitt to untwist the hot bulb. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Christian cuss words
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: RETARDED GRANDPARENTS (this was actually reported by a teacher) A teacher asked her young pupils how they spent their holiday away from school. One child wrote the following: We always used to spend the holidays with Grandma and Grandpa. They used to live in a big brick house but Grandpa got retarded and they moved to Florida. Now they live in a tin box and have rocks painted green to look like grass. They ride around on their bicycles and wear name tags because they don't know who they are anymore. They go to a building called a wrecked center, but they must have got it fixed because it is all okay now, and do exercises there, but they don't do them very well. There is a swimming pool too, but in it, they all jump up and down with hats on. At their gate, there is a doll house with a little old man sitting in it. He watches all day so nobody can escape. Sometimes they sneak out. They go cruising in their golf carts. Nobody there cooks, they just eat out. And, they eat the same thing every night ---early birds. Some of the people can't get out past the man in the doll house. The ones who do get out, bring food back to the wrecked center and call it pot luck. My Grandma says that Grandpa worked all his life to earn his retardment and says I should work hard so I can be retarded someday too. When I earn my retardment, I want to be the man in the doll house. Then I will let people out so they can visit their grandchildren. __________________________________________________
Saint Simons Island Tree Spirits.
___________________________________________________ A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter -- haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" ___________________________________________________ Three expectant fathers were in the waiting room. The nurse came out of the delivery room and announced to one of the fathers that he was the father of twins. He was delighted and said what a coincidence, since he was a member of the Minnesota Twins team. A little later the nurse came out again and said to the next father, congratulations, your wife just had triplets. He was so a happy, and said, "Isn't that a coincidence -- I work for 3M." The other father took off like a shot -- the nurse ran after him, saying, "Where are you going?" Over his shoulder, the nurse heard him mumbling something about his work at 7UP.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: One day in the future, Jesse Jackson has a heart attack and dies. He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him. "I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks! here who weren't quite as bad as you I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves" Jesse thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to the first room. In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. He kept diving in, and surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dove in and surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell. "No," Jesse said, "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't think I could do that all day long." The devil led him to the door of the next room. In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer, time after time after time. "No, I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day," commented Jesse. The devil opened a third door. Through it, Jesse saw Bill Clinton, lying on the floor with his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what made her famous. Jesse looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah, I can handle this." The devil smiled and said . . . "OK, Monica, you can go upstairs." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 18, in 
1469 Ferdinand of Aragon married Isabella of Castile. The
marriage united all the dominions of Spain. 

1685 King Louis XIV of France revoked the Edict of Nantes,
which had established the legal toleration of the Protestant
population. 

1767 The Mason-Dixon line was agreed upon. It was the
boundary between Maryland and Pennsylvania. 

1842 Samuel Finley Breese Morse laid his first telegraph
cable. 

1860 British troops burned the Yuanmingyuan at the end of
the Second Opium War. 

1867 The U.S. took formal possession of Alaska from Russia.
The land was purchased of a total of $7 million dollars (2
cents per acre). 

1892 The first long-distance telephone line between Chicago,
IL, and New York City, NY, was opened. 

1898 The American flag was raised in Puerto Rico only one
year after the Caribbean nation won its independence from
Spain. 

1929 The Judicial Committee of England’s Privy Council ruled
that women were to be considered as persons in Canada. 

1944 Czechoslovakia was invaded by the Soviets during World
War II. 

1956 NFL commissioner Bert Bell disallowed the use of radio-
equipped helmets by NFL quarterbacks. 

1958 The first computer-arranged marriage took place on Art
Linkletter's show. 

1961 Henri Matiss' "Le Bateau" went on display at New York's
Museum of Modern Art. It was discovered 46 days later that
the painting had been hanging upside down. 

1968 Two black athletes, Tommie Smith and John Carlos, were
suspended by the U.S. Olympic Committee for giving a "black
power" salute during a ceremony in Mexico City. 

1969 The U.S. government banned artificial sweeteners due to
evidence that they caused cancer. 

1970 Quebec's minister of labor was found strangled to death
after eight days of being held captive by the Quebec
Liberation Front (FLQ). French president DeGaulle and his
"Quebec Libre" speech ahd gotten the FLQ all excited, but
after not enough financial help from France and a referendum
a couple years later, they had to back down.

1977 Reggie Jackson tied Babe Ruth's record for hitting
three homeruns in a single World Series game. Jackson was
only the second player to achieve this. 

1983 General Motors agreed to hire more women and minorities
for five years as part of a settlement with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission. 

1985 South African authorities hanged black activist
Benjamin Moloise. Moloise had been convicted of murdering a
police officer. 

1989 Egon Krenz became the leader of East Germany after
Erich Honecker was ousted. Honeker had been in power for 18
years.

1989 The space shuttle Atlantis was launched on a mission
that included the deployment of the Galileo space probe. 

1990 Iraq made an offer to the world that it would sell oil
for $21 a barrel. The price level was the same as it had
been before the invasion of Kuwait. 

1997 A monument honoring U.S. servicewomen, past and
present, was dedicated at Arlington National Cemetery. 

2013 Saudi Arabia became the first nation to reject a seat
on the United Nations Security Council. Jordan took the seat
on December 6.

2017  smiled.
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Image stabilizer 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 17
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested 
at Clayton Co. gas station
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 17 in
1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ I believe in equality for everyone, except reporters and photographers. --- Mahatma Gandhi (1869 - 1948) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: A salesman checked into a futuristic motel. Realizing he needed a haircut before his meeting tomorrow, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises. "I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes." Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15, and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later, he pulled out his head and look in the mirror, and saw the best haircut of his life. "Would wonders never cease! This futuristic stuff is amazing," he thought. Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, "Manicures $10." "Why not?" he thought. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and spin. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured. The next machine had a sign that read, "Machine provides a service men need when away from their wives, 50 Cents." "Oh, man.... do I ever need that!" He looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, he let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out. Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands, he was able to withdraw his member which now had a button neatly sewn on the end. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Cookie for this story: Two guys from Daniels County are a sittin' in a boat at Fort Peck, Montana, fishing and suckin' down beer when all of a sudden Dale says, "Ya know, I think I'm gonna divorce my wife - she hasn't spoken to me in over 6 months." Earl sips his beer for a moment and says, "If I were you, I would think it over very carefully - women like that are darn hard to find." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Corey Humes, Chassity Thomas, Clayton County, Georgia Murder suspect, girlfriend arrested at Clayton Co. gas station Authorities arrested a murder suspect Thursday at a gas station in Clayton County. The Clayton County Sheriff's Office said Corey Humes was found sitting in a car in the parking lot outside the QT on Upper Riverdale. Humes is accused of shooting and killing a man after a drug deal went bad in Houston County. "Humes did not stand a chance," the Clayton County Sheriff's Office said in a news release on Friday. "Deputies surrounded him so quickly that he did not have time to reach for the 32 caliber Beretta that his girlfriend Chassity Thomas was sitting on." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Julie Re: Image stabilizer Dear Webby, I have seen some cameras advertised that claim to have an image stabilizer. Does that really work, or is it just hype? If it DOES work, how does it work? I have always been told, even by you, that for long zoom shots there is no substitute for a sturdy tripod. Julie Dear Julie An image stabilizer takes an average of a few microseconds of jittering around and electronically locks that for a second or two. It works great for long distance landscape pictures at high zoom, but is not so good for fast action shots. If you, for example want to take pictures of a fast basketball game, get in closer, use less zoom, and turn the image stabilizer off. Use it for slow moving animals like alligators, turn it off for butterflies and humming birds. Have FUN! DearWebby

This is an ancient classic: A husband in his back yard is trying to fly a kite. He throws the kite up in the air, the wind catches it for a few seconds, then it comes crashing back down to earth. He tries this a few more times with no success. All the while, his wife is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything. She opens the window and yells to her husband, "You need a piece of tail." The man turns with a confused look on his face and says, "Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Paperclip Bookmark A paper clip works well as a bookmark, especially if you are carrying books in a bag or backpack. The paperclip won't fall out the way a loose bookmark can. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Evolution of Music
____________________________________________________ A burglar needing money to pay his income taxes decided to burgle the safe in a store. On the safe door he was very pleased to find a note reading, "Please don't use dynamite. The safe is not locked. Just turn the handle." He did so. Instantly a heavy sandbag fell on him, the entire premises were floodlighted, and alarms started clanging. As the police carried him out on a stretcher, he was heard moaning: "Can't trust nobody no more!" __________________________________________________
This street artist is painting fake shadows and making people do double takes.
___________________________________________________ At a local coffee bar, a young woman was expounding on her idea of the perfect mate to some of her friends. "The man I marry must be a shining light amongst company. He must be musical. Tell jokes. Sing. Entertain. And stay home at night!" An old granny overheard and spoke up, "Girl, if that's all you want, get a TV!" ___________________________________________________ Listening to a young Yuppie couple argue as they waited for their prescriptions at least helped me pass the time. When their meds were finally ready, they paid and walked away. The druggist stood there and shook his head. I asked, "What's with them ?" He sighed and replied, "They're incompatible. He's on Xanax and she's on Prozac."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
"So tell me, Mrs. Smith," asked the interviewer, "do you have any other skills you think might be worth mentioning?" "Actually, yes," said the applicant modestly. "Last year I had two short stories published in national magazines, and I finished my novel." "Very impressive," he commented, "but I was thinking of skills you could apply during office hours." Mrs. Smith explained brightly, "Oh, I wrote them during office hours. OOOPS!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 17, in 
1739 Thomas Coram was granted a Royal Charter from George
II so a "hospital for the maintenance and education of
exposed and deserted young children" in Londond, England. 

1777 American troops defeated British forces in Saratoga,
NY. It was the turning point in the American Revolutionary
War. 

1888 The first issue of "National Geographic Magazine" was
released at newsstands. 

1931 Al Capone was convicted on income tax evasion and was
sentenced to 11 years in prison. He was released in 1939. 

1933 Dr. Albert Einstein moved to Princeton, NJ, after
leaving Germany. 

1945 Colonel Juan Peron became the dictator of Argentina
after staging a coup in Buenos Aires. 

1973 The Organization of Petroleum Exporting Countries
(OPEC) began an oil-embargo against several countries
including the U.S. and Great Britain. The incident stemmed
from Western support of Israel when Egypt and Syria
attacked the nation on October 6, 1973. The embargo lasted
until March of 1974. 

1978 U.S. President Carter signed a bill that restored full
U.S. citizenship rights to Confederate President Jefferson
Davis. 

1979 Mother Teresa of India was awarded the Nobel Peace
Prize. 

1987 U.S. First Lady Nancy Reagan underwent a modified
radical mastectomy at Bethesda Naval Hospital in Maryland. 

1989 An earthquake measuring 7.1 on the Richter Scale hit
the San Francisco Bay area in California. The quake caused
about 67 deaths, 3,000 injuries, and damages up to $7
billion. 

1994 Israel and Jordan initialed a draft peace treaty. 

1994 The Angolan government and rebels agreed to a peace
treaty that ended their 19 years of civil war. 

1997 The remains of revolutionary Ernesto "Che" Guevara
were laid to rest in his adopted Cuba, 30 years after his
execution in Bolivia. 

2000 In New York City, Madame Tussaud's Wax Museum opened
to the public. The 42nd Street location joined Tussaud's
other exhibitions already in London, Hong Kong, Amsterdam
and Las Vegas. 

2000 Patrick Roy (Colorado Avalanche) achieved his 448th
victory as a goalie in the NHL. Roy passed Terry Sawchuck
to become the record holder for career victories. 

2001 Israel's tourism minister was killed. A radical
Palestinian faction claimed that it had carried out the
assassination to avenge the killing of its leader by Israel
2 months earlier. 

2001 Pakistan placed its armed forces on high alert because
of troop movements by India in the disputed territory of
Kashmir. India said that the movements were part of a
normal troop rotation. 

2001 Italian priest Giuseppe "Beppe" Pierantoni was
kidnapped by the terrorist group the "Pentagon." He was
released on April 8, 2002. 

2003 In the U.S., the Food and Drug Administration approved
a drug, known as memantine, to help people with Alzheimer's
symptoms. 

2003 In Taipei, Taiwan, construction crews finished 1,676-
foot-tall-building called Taipei 101. The building was
planned to open for business in 2004. 

2003 In northwest England, the Carnforth railway station
reopened as a heritage center. 

2017  smiled.


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Sorting bookmarks in Chrome 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 16
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
GA man used ax during robbery; 
wore high visibility Pokémon backpack
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 16 in
1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. --- Dwight D. Eisenhower (1890 - 1969) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Jones came into the office, an hour late for the third time in one week and found the boss waiting for him. "What's the story this time, Jones?" his boss asked sarcastically. "Let's hear a good excuse for a change." Jones sighed, "Everything went wrong this morning, Boss. The wife decided to drive me to the station. She got ready in ten minutes, but then the drawbridge got stuck. Rather than let you down, I swam across the river -- look, my suit´s still damp -- ran out to the airport, got a ride on Mr. Thompson´s helicopter, landed on top of Radio City Music Hall, and was carried here piggyback by one of the Rockettes." "You'll have to do better than that, Jones," said the boss, obviously disappointed. "No woman can get ready in ten minutes." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Gina for this story: When my youngest daughter was three, she begged to be allowed to attend a concert with her older sister and brother. She assured me she was a big girl and would behave herself. As we took our seats in the orchestra hall, I handed programs to the kids. Following the lead of her older siblings, my three-year-old opened her program, and in her most grown-up voice said, "Mommy, I'll have the chicken, please." ______________________________________________________ Onion Harvest in Nevada _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Funzail Woods, 29, Atlanta GA GA man used axe during robbery; wore high visibility Pokémon backpack Funzail Woods was arrested after using an axe as a weapon at the Target store on Piedmont Road in Buckhead, according to police. Investigators said the man walked over to the electronics section, “where he took a cell phone out of a package and proceeded to put it in his pocket. When he was approached by the manager, he actually presented an axe. The manager, of course, backed off,” said Officer Lisa Bender, Atlanta Police Department. Woods then ran out the store. The 911 alert went out to Zone 2 officers. By then, Woods had changed his shirt. “But he didn't change his backpack. So, I think that's what got him,” said Officer Bender. “The man took off running when he saw police. And he did have a Pokémon backpack, so those are normally a bright color and typically easy to spot.” Woods allegedly showed his weapon to one of the officers, but apparently figured that wasn't such a good idea. Close by on Sidney Marcus, Atlanta Police said he tossed the backpack into the street. It was too late to make a getaway. By then several officers surrounded him and took him into custody. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Thomas Re: Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Dear Webby, Can you sort bookmarks in Chrome? Thanks Thomas Dear Thomas Yes, you can, but it is top secret. Open your web browser. CTRL SHIFT o That is the Bookmarks Manager. Click on the Organise button Reorder by title. Chrome unfortunately is rather incompetent when it comes to sorting bookmarks. They want you to google for new stuff, not go to where you have already been, and especially not where you have been recently, before you got rudely interrupted by your boss. You can NOT sort the bookmarks by date or by URL. If you want that, you need the Dewey The Dewey is actually a program, that you add as an extension to Chrome. It is a complete bookmarks manager. You will probably never use all the features it has, but the quick sorting by date or URL is very handy. You can even add tags like PRAYER to bookmarks, and then have searches limited to bookmarks, that have a chosen tag. Have FUN! DearWebby

A woman with a baby came into the doctor's office. She was told to go into a room and wait for the doctor. After arriving, the doctor examined the baby and asked the woman, "Is he breast fed or on the bottle?" "Breast fed" she replied. "Well, strip down to your waist,"the doctor ordered. She did. He pressed, kneaded and pinched both breasts for a while in a detailed examination. Motioning to her to get dressed he said, "No wonder this baby is hungry. You don't have any milk." "Naturally," she said, "I'm his Grandma. But I'm glad I came...."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fake books for Halloween decoration By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Faux Books for Halloween By lalala... [848 Posts, 108 Comments] I wanted a stack of old books as a prop with my Halloween decorations, but all of the ones I found were too expensive. Then I saw these at the craft store, they are actually boxes. They are perfect and easily customizable. Supplies: paper mache book boxes black paint white paint gold paint paint brushes clear coat, optional Steps: Paint the outside of books (skipping the pages area and the spine details). Once the paint is dry, paint the inside of the box. I recommend doing 2 coats of paint. Paint the spine details with the gold paint. For the pages, I mixed white and gold paint together to give them an aged look. Stack your faux books and use them as part of your Halloween decorations. You can also store treats or small items in them too. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
We fall to pieces
____________________________________________________ Thanks to kati for this story: Fifty-one years ago Herman James, a Tennessee Mountain Man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in Basic, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years. __________________________________________________
Line Rider Perfectly Synced to Edvard Grieg’s Mountain King
___________________________________________________ A graduate in economics who completed his degree in the 1950's returned to his old university for a visit. He was amazed to see that the examination questions were identical to the ones asked in his day. When he pointed this out to a member of staff, he replied, "That's true, but, of course, the answers are completely different now." ___________________________________________________ >From Ida My dry cleaner very generously provides a stack of free newspapers for his customers. As I took my copy, I told him, "I hope the business grows enough to offset the cost of the papers." "Oh, don't worry about us," he chuckled... "Nothing dirties clothes more than newsprint."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A woman stopped by unannounced at her recently married son's house. She rang the doorbell and walked in. She was shocked to see her daughter-in-law lying on the couch, totally naked, soft music was playing and the aroma of perfume filled the room. "What are you doing?" she asked. "I'm waiting for my husband to come home from work," the daughter-in-law answered. "But you're naked!" the mother-in-law exclaimed. "This is my love dress," the daughter-in-law explained. "Love dress? But you're naked!" "My husband loves me to wear this dress," she explained. "It excites him to no end. Every time he sees me in this dress, he instantly becomes romantic and ravishes me for hours on end. He can't get enough of me." The mother-in-law left. When she got home, she undressed, showered,put on her best perfume, dimmed the lights, put on a romantic CD, and laid on the couch waiting for her husband to arrive. Finally her husband came home. He walked in and saw her lying there so provocatively. "What are you doing?" he asked. "This is my love dress," she whispered, sensually. "Needs ironing," he said. "What's for dinner?" His funeral will be held next Thursday ____________________________________________________

Today, October 16, in 
1701 The Collegiate School was founded in Killingworth, CT.
The school moved to New Haven in 1745 and changed its name
to Yale College. 

1793 During the French Revolution, Queen Marie Antoinette
was beheaded after being convicted of treason. 

1829 In Boston, MA, the first modern hotel in America
opened. The Tremont Hotel had 170 rooms that rented for $2
a day and included four meals. 

1859 Abolitionist John Brown led a raid on Harper's Ferry,
VA (now located in West Virginia). 

1869 A hotel in Boston became the first in the U.S. to
install indoor plumbing. 

1916 Margaret Sanger opened the first birth control clinic
in New York City, NY. 

1923 Walt Disney contracted with M.J. Winkler to distribute
the Alice Comedies. This event is recognized as the start
of the Disney Company. 

1928 Marvin Pipkin received a patent for the frosted
electric light bulb. 

1941 The Nazis advanced to within 60 miles of Moscow.
Romanians entered Odessa, USSR, and began exterminating
150,000 Jews. 

1943 Chicago's new subway system was officially opened with
a ribbon cutting ceremony. 

1955 Mrs. Jules Lederer replaced Ruth Crowley in newspapers
using the name Ann Landers. 

1962 U.S. President Kennedy was informed that there were
missile bases in Cuba, beginning the Cuban missile crisis. 

1964 China detonated its first atomic bomb becoming the
world's fifth nuclear power. 

1967 NATO headquarters opened in Brussels. 

1970 Anwar Sadat was elected president of Egypt to succeed
Gamal Abdel Nassar. 

1973 Henry Kissinger and Le Duc Tho were named winners of
the Nobel Peace Prize. The Vietnamese official declined the
award. 

1978 Poland's Karol Josef Wojtyla was elected Pope John
Paul II. 

1982 China announced that it had successfully fired a
ballistic missile from a submarine. 

1987 Rescuers freed Jessica McClure from the abandoned well
that she had fallen into in Midland, TX. She was trapped
for 58 hours. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush signed the Gramm-
Rudman budget reduction law that ordered federal programs
be cut by $16.1 billion. 

1990 Comedian Steve Martin and his wife Victoria Tennant
visited U.S. soldiers in Saudi Arabia. 

1993 The U.N. Security Council approved the deployment of
U.S. warships to enforce a blockade on Haiti to increase
pressure on the controlling military leaders. 

1994 German Chancellor Helmut Kohl was re-elected to a
fourth term. 

1995 The "Million Man March" took place in Washington, DC. 

1997 Charles M. Schulz and his wife Jeannie announced that
they would give $1 million toward the construction of a D-
Day memorial to be placed in Virginia. 

2000 It was announced that Chevron Corp. would be buying
Texaco Inc. for $35 billion. The combined company was
called Chevron Texaco Corp. and became the 4th largest oil
company in the world. 

2002 It was reported that North Korea had told the U.S.
that it had a secret nuclear weapons program in violation
of an 1994 agreement with the U.S. 

2002 The Arthur Andersen accounting firm was sentenced to
five years probation and fined $500,000 for obstructing a
federeal investigation of the energy company Enron. 

2008 The iTunes Music Store reached 200 billion television
episodes sold.

2017  smiled.


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Which search engine? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 15
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Thank you Joseph!!


Todays Bonehead Award:
New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 15 in
1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Hollywood is a place where people from Iowa mistake each other for stars. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) Of all forms of caution, caution in love is perhaps the most fatal to true happiness. --- Bertrand Russell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ "Hey Bubba, what do you think about gun control?" "Yall have to use both hands, Betty-Sue" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ My home church welcomes all denominations, but mainly they prefer tens and twenties. ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Darren Bridges, 30, New Orleans, New Orleans Police Officer Murdered In Ambush A New Orleans police officer was fatally shot on Friday by Darren Bridges, a Convicted Felon. He was ambushed as he and his patrol team stepped out of their car to investigate something suspicious shortly after midnight. Other officers returned fire, wounding a suspect who eventually surrendered to a SWAT team, police said. “Our officer collapsed right there on the scene” and died at a hospital, Police Superintendent Michael Harrison told reporters at an early morning news conference. “They were on routine patrol,” he said. “They saw something that aroused their suspicion. They were exiting the vehicle and upon exiting the vehicle, what we have learned is that this perpetrator fired at our officer, striking our officer.” The wounded suspect, a man about 30 years old, fled into an apartment, which was surrounded by a SWAT team. Police negotiators eventually persuaded him to give up. “There was a peaceful surrender after long negotiations,” Harrison said. Bridges has a lengthy criminal record stretching back many years. The killer was taken to a hospital with several gunshot wounds and arrested. It is not known yet whether Bridges attempted "Suicide by cop" or just wanted a lifetime of free room and board. In East New Orleans cops travel 4 per car, and he had no chance of getting away with his ambush. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sarah Re: Which Search Engine Dear Webby, You seem to be able to find an answer to just about anything. What kinds of search engine do you use ? Sara Dear Sarah Usually I just use http://google.com I set that as the default in my browser. Have FUN! DearWebby

A man is walking along a California beach when he stumbles across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie! The genie says, "OK, OK! You released me from the lamp, blah, blah,blah. This is the fourth time this month and I am getting sick and tired of granting all these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get ONE wish!" The man sits down on the sand and thinks about it for a while. Finally he says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared of flying and I get very sea sick. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?" "That's impossible!" shrieks the genie. "Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?! Think of how much concrete that would take, how much steel! No! No way! Think of another wish!" He thinks for a long time and says I've been married and divorced four times and all of my wives has said that I don't care and that I am insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they are crying...know what they really want when they say "nothing"...know how to truly make them happy.... The genie says, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Heel Marks on the Floor First, the best way to prevent heel marks is to have a "no shoes" policy in your house. If you have a heel mark you need to remove, just rub it with a pencil eraser. A "magic" eraser also works well for removing heel marks on floors or baseboards. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Climbing Shanghai Tower
____________________________________________________ It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred students who went to move 26 cars please return to class." __________________________________________________
Oranki Art Park Lappland.
___________________________________________________ Two truck drivers arrive in front of a tunnel. The sign says MAXIMUM HEIGHT 3 METERS. The first driver measures his truck and says, "Damn...3 .2 meters!" The second one looks furtively around and says, "No police, anywhere. try it!" ___________________________________________________ A prisoner in jail receives a letter from his wife: "I have decided to plant some vegetables in the back garden. When is the best time to plant them?" The prisoner, knowing that the prison guards read all mail, replied in a letter, "Dear wife, whatever you do, do not touch the back garden. That is where I hid all the money." A week or so later, he received another letter from his wife: "You won't believe what happened, some men came with shovels to the house, and dug up all the back garden." The prisoner wrote another letter: "Dear wife, now is the best time to plant the vegetables."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The priest was instructing a class of third-graders at All Saints grammar school. He said, "There were two brothers, and one of them chose the wicked path of Satan. The brother was evil and corrupt and did great damage to many people, and wound up a convicted criminal in a tiny, dark cell. But, the other brother studied hard and became a great, rich, knowledgeable politician. Now, children, what is the difference between these two brothers, who started out in the same place, who together embarked upon life's stormy seas?" Little Johnny raised his hand and said, "Easy. One of them got caught." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 15, in 
1815 Napoleon Bonaparte began his exile on the remote
island of St. Helena in the Atlantic Ocean. 

1860 Grace Bedell, 11 years old, wrote a letter to
presidential candidate Abraham Lincoln. The letter stated
that Lincoln would look better if he would grow a beard. 

1883 The U.S. Supreme Court struck down part of the Civil
Rights Act of 1875. It allowed for individuals and
corporations to discriminate based on race. 

1892 The U.S. government announced that the land in the
western Montana was open to settlers. The 1.8 million acres
were bought from the Crow Indians for 50 cents per acre. 

1937 "To Have and Have Not" by Ernest Hemingway was
published for the first time. 

1939 New York Municipal Airport was dedicated. The name was
later changed to La Guardia Airport. 

1945 Pierre Laval, the former premier of Vichy France, was
executed for treason. 

1946 Hermann Goering, a Nazi war criminal and founder of
the Gestapo, poisoned himself just hours before his
scheduled execution. 

1964 It was announced that Soviet leader Nikita Khrushchev
had been removed from power. He was replaced with Alexei N.
Kosygin. 

1983 U.S. Marines killed five snipers who had pinned them
down in Beirut International Airport. 

1984 The Freedom of Information Act was passed. 

1989 Wayne Gretzky, while playing for the Los Angeles
Kings, surpassed Gordie Howe's NHL scoring record of 1,850
career points. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent warships to enforce trade
sanctions that had been imposed on Haitian military rulers.


1993 South Africa's President F.W. de Klerk and African
National Congress President Nelson Mandela were named
winners of the Nobel Peace Prize for their efforts to end
the apartheid system in South Africa. 

1997 British Royal Air Force pilot Andy Green broke the
land-speed record by driving a jet-powered car faster than
the speed of sound. 

1997 The Cassini-Huygens mission was launched from Cape
Canaveral, FL. On January 14, 2005, a probe sent back
pictures of Saturn's moon Titan during and after landing. 

1998 The U.N. condemned the U.S. economic embargo on Cuba
for the seventh year in a row. 

2001 NASA's Galileo spacecraft passed within 112 miles of
Jupiter's moon Io. 

2011 Legoland Florida opened in Winter Haven, Florida

2017  smiled.


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What to do when CTRL C and CTRL V are not working 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 14
Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' 
robbed a bank, then got jailed.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 14 in
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
England. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A good listener is not only popular everywhere, but after a while he gets to know something. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A somewhat advanced society has figured how to package basic knowledge in pill form. A student, needing some learning, goes to the pharmacy and asks what kind of knowledge pills are available. The pharmacist says, "Here's a pill for English literature." The student takes the pill and swallows it and has new knowledge about English literature! "What else do you have?" asks the student. "Well, I have pills for art history, biology, and world history," replies the pharmacist. The student asks for these, and swallows them and has new knowledge about those subjects. Then the student asks, "Do you have a pill for math?" The pharmacist says, "Wait just a moment," goes back into the storeroom, brings back a whopper of a pill, and plunks it on the counter. "Do I have to take that huge pill for math?" inquires the student. The pharmacist replied, "Well, you know math always was a little hard to swallow." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ From Linda A guy was visiting his friend in the hospital who was 'all torn up'. "What happened?" he asked. "Well," explained the patient, "we were hunting the Mumba snake. It has yellow and black stripes. It likes to sun itself lying across a pathway in the jungle. You catch it by grabbing the tip of its tail with one hand and quickly running your other hand up the length of its body so you can grab it behind the neck." "Go on," the friend said. He continued, "Well, at mid day the shadows and the lit parts of the jungle sometimes make it difficult to see every detail, so when I sneaked up to the snake lying across the jungle path, I pounced on it in a flying leap, grabbed it by the end and rapidly moved my other hand upward ... just as the procedure goes." "So why are you so beaten up?" the friend asked. The patient said slowly, "Did you ever goose a tiger??" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Joe Johnson, 26, Pinellas Park, Florida Florida man googled 'how to rob a bank' robbed a bank, then got jailed. Sheriff's deputies on Monday arrested a man accused of robbing a bank near Largo last week, then using the money on utilities, rent and a drug binge. According to the Pinellas County Sheriff's Office, William Joe Johnson, 26, on Thursdaystole an undisclosed amount of money from Achieva Credit Union at 10125 Ulmerton Road. Deputies arrested him Monday night on a robbery charge at the Express Inn at 11333 U.S. 19 N in Pinellas Park. Johnson entered the bank just before 11 a.m., approached the teller, implied he had a gun and told the teller to give him cash, according to deputies. He ran from the store with the cash. After an investigation, deputies found him at the hotel. In an interview, detectives said Johnson told them he was in need of money and searched on Google "how to rob a bank." Deputies booked him into the Pinellas County Jail about 3 a.m. Tuesday in lieu of $100,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Lost CTRL C and CTRL V Dear Webby, I don't know what happened, but I seem to have lost my CTRL+C and CTRL+V capabilities! Any thoughts on how to get them back? Sorry if it's a stupid question! Jerry Dear Jerry Your usable amount of RAM is in use or bunged up. Hightlight a comma or period, copy that with CTRL Insert, and paste that. That will normally clear the clipboard of any big stuff. After that run CrapCleaner from http://webby.com/tools to clean up the temporary files. Rebooting also helps. Have FUN! DearWebby

Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home. Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Shoe Boxes for Building Kids Blocks Use safe shoe boxes and other similar size boxes to make large building blocks for your kids. Tape the lid of the box on and then cover them with contact paper. You can even find contact paper with a brick or wood pattern on it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
man and woman born 2 hours apart in same hospital marry
____________________________________________________ A man bought a donkey from a preacher. The preacher told the man that this donkey had been trained in a very unique way, (being the donkey of a preacher). The only way to make the donkey go, was to say, "Hallelujah!" The only way to make the donkey stop, was to say, "Amen!" The man was pleased with his purchase and immediately got on the animal to try out the preacher's instructions. "Hallelujah!" shouted the man. The donkey began to trot. "Amen!" shouted the man. The donkey stopped immediately. "This is great!" said the man. With a "Hallelujah," he rode off very proud of his new purchase. The man traveled for a long time through some mountains. Soon he was heading toward a cliff. He could not remember the word to make the donkey stop. "Stop," said the man. "Halt!" he cried. The donkey just kept going. "Oh, no... Bible!....Church!...Please Stop!!" shouted the man. The donkey just began to trot faster. He was getting closer and closer to the cliff edge. Finally, in desperation, the man said a prayer. "Please, dear Lord. Please make this donkey stop before I go off the end of this mountain, In Jesus name, AMEN." The donkey came to an abrupt stop just one step from the edge of the cliff. "HALLELUJAH!", shouted the man. __________________________________________________
Amazing Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ A couple hired a maid to cook and do housework. She worked out fine, till one day, after about six months, she said she would have to quit. "But why?" asked the disappointed wife. She said: "Well on my day off a couple of months ago I met this good-looking fellow from over in the next county, and well, I'm pregnant." The wife said, "Look, we don't want to lose you. My husband and I don't have children, and we'll adopt your baby if you will stay." She talked to her husband; he agreed, and they adopted the baby. All went well, but soon the maid was pregnant again. The wife talked to her husband, and they adopted baby two. Soon it happened again. They made the same offer, and adopted the third baby. She worked for a week or two after that, but then said, "I am definitely leaving this time." "Don't tell me you're pregnant again?" asked the wife. "No," she said, "there are just to many kids here to pick up after." ___________________________________________________ The 5 Scariest Things in the Army! 1. A Private saying, "I learned this in basic training..." 2. A Sergeant saying, "Trust me, sir..." 3. A Second Lieutenant saying, "Based on my experience..." 4. A Captain saying, "I was just thinking..." 5. And a Warrant Officer chuckling, "Y'all watch this $%!#..."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox! ____________________________________________________

Today, October 14, in 
1066 The Battle of Hastings occurred in England. The Norman
forces of William the Conqueror defeated King Harold II of
England. 

1879 Thomas Edison signed an agreement with Jose D.
Husbands for the sale of Edison telephones in Chile. 

1887 Thomas Edison and George E. Gouraud reached an
agreement for the international marketing rights for the
phonograph. 

1888 In England, Louis Le Prince filmed the experimental
film "Roundhay Garden Scene." It is the oldest surviving
motion picture. 

1912 Theodore Roosevelt was shot while campaigning in
Milwaukee, WI. Roosevelt's wound in the chest was not
serious and he continued with his planned speech. William
Schrenk was captured at the scene of the shooting. 

1922 Lieutenant Lester James Maitland set a new airplane
speed record when he reached a speed of 216.1 miles-per-
hour. 

1926 The book "Winnie-the-Pooh," by A.A. Milne, made its
debut. 

1933 Nazi Germany announced that it was withdrawing from
the League of Nations. 

1936 The first SSB (Social Security Board) office opened in
Austin, TX. From this point, the Board's local office took
over the assigning of Social Security Numbers. 

1943 The Radio Corporation of America finalized the sale of
the NBC Blue radio network. Edward J. Noble paid $8 million
for the network that was renamed American Broadcasting
Company. 

1944 German Field Marshal Erwin Rommel committed suicide
rather than face execution after being accused of
conspiring against Adolf Hitler and the execution that
would follow. 

1944 During World War II, the Second British Parachute
Brigade liberated the city of Athens. 

1947 Over Rogers Dry Lake in Southern California, pilot
Chuck Yeager flew the Bell X-1 rocket plane and became the
first American to break the sound barrier. 

1954 C.B. DeMille's "The Ten Commandments", starring
Charlton Heston, began filming in Egypt. The epic had a
cast of 25,000 people. 

1960 U.S. presidential candidate John F. Kennedy first
suggested the idea of a Peace Corps. 

1961 "How to Succeed in Business without Really Trying"
opened on Broadway. 

1962 The Cuban Missile Crisis began. It was on this day
that U.S. intelligence personnel analyzing data discovered
Soviet medium-range missile sites in Cuba. On October 22
U.S. President John F. Kennedy announced that he had
ordered the naval "quarantine" of Cuba. 

1964 Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was awarded the Nobel
Peace Prize for his non-violent resistance to racial
prejudice in America. He was the youngest person to receive
the award. 

1968 The first live telecast to come from a manned U.S.
spacecraft was transmitted from Apollo 7. 

1970 Anwar el-Sadat became president of Egypt following the
death of President Nasser. 

1972 In Iraq, oil was struck for the first time just north
of Kirkuk. 

1984 George ‘Sparky’ Anderson became the first baseball
manager to win 100 games and a World Series in both
leagues. (MLB) 

1986 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev charged that the
U.S. wanted to "bleed the Soviet Union economically" with
the arms race in space. 

1987 Jessica McClure, 18 months old, fell down an abandoned
well in Midland, TX. The rescue took 58 hours. 

2001 Toys "R" Us introduced the new version of Geoffrey the
giraffe in a 60-second commercial before WABC-TV aired 

2002 Britain stripped power from the Catholic and
Protestant politicians of Northern Ireland. Britain resumed
sole responsibility for running Northern Ireland. 

2017  smiled.


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When is a credit card mail a scam? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 13
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
22-year-old woman shot dead by police 
after running down officer with car
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 13 in
2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were 
rescued after 69 days underground. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The place where optimism most flourishes is the lunatic asylum. --- Havelock Ellis (1859 - 1939) or FaceBook? ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Following some duty overseas, the officers at the Fort were planning a welcome home party and dance for the unit. Being an all male combat force, they decided to request coeds from some of the surrounding colleges to attend. The Captain called Vassar and was assured by the Dean that arrangements could be made to send over a dozen of their most trustworthy students. The Captain hesitated, then said, "Would it also be possible to send a dozen or so of the regular kind?" _____________________________________________________ By the time the sailor pulled into a little town, every hotel room was taken. "You've got to have a room somewhere," he pleaded with a proprietor, "or just a bed, I don't care where." "Well, I do have a double room with one occupant -- an Air Force guy," admitted the manager, "and he might be glad to split the cost. But to tell you the truth, he snores so loudly that people in adjoining rooms have complained in the past. I'm not sure it'd be worth it to you." "No problem," the tired Navy man assured him, "I'll take it." The next morning the sailor came down to breakfast bright- eyed and bushy-tailed. "How'd you sleep?" asked the manager. "Never better." The manager was impressed. "No problem with the other guy snoring?" "Nope, I shut him up in no time," said the Navy guy. "How'd you manage that?" asked the manager. "He was already in bed, snoring away, when I came in the room," the sailor explained. "I went over, gave him a kiss on the cheek, and said, 'Goodnight, beautiful,' and he sat up all night watching me." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Having just moved into his new office, a pompous, new colonel was sitting at his desk when an airman knocked on the door. Conscious of his new position, the colonel quickly picked up the phone, told the airman to enter, then said into the phone, "Yes, General, I'll be seeing him this afternoon and I'll pass along your message. In the meantime, thank you for your good wishes, sir." Feeling as though he had sufficiently impressed the young enlisted man, he brusquely asked, "What do you want?" "Nothing important, sir," the airman replied, "just here to hook up your telephone." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD and a Darwin Award has been earned by Cariann Hithon, 22, Miami, Florida 22-year-old woman shot dead by police after running down officer with car A 22-year-old woman who was shot and killed by police after crashing into an officer with her car was an aspiring lawyer, her father said. Cariann Hithon had been celebrating her birthday when she crashed her fancy black BMW into three vehicles in Miami. As a crowd gathered around her smashed car, Ms Hithon floored the accelerator and sped forwards, knocking a Florida police officer to the ground before another one quickly fired three shots at her before she could hit more people. Her car then swerved across the road and crashed. Ms Hithon was taken to a nearby hospital where she died of her wounds. In social media footage of the shooting, one bystander can be heard saying the driver was "drunk as sh**." The police officer she hit, David Cajuso, has been released from hospital and is recovering at home, the Miami Beach police department said. According to the Miami Herald, investigators believe Hithon and her friend, who got out of the car before she accelerated, had been drinking, however, the aggressive action of trying to kill the officer points more towards methamphetamine than alcohol. She had recently transferred from Hampton University in Virginia to Temple University in Philadelphia and was expected to graduate with a degree in political sciences. Hithon had an extensive criminal record including assault and drug charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Sue Re: Is it a scam ? Dear Webby, I have rcvd e-mail from a credit card company----may or may not be valid----would like to forward to you for your opinion....i would prefer to forward WITH PERMISSION. Am not concerned so much with critters imbedded or or or....am more concerned 1)that it is bogus and 2)someone ELSE might fall into the trap----you have a tremendous following and could potentially help a buncha dolts and not just me........and no-----I am not just pandering to your ego----you are highly rated for a good reason..... Thanks in advance Sue Dear Sue When in doubt, trash it. There is always more spam and scam coming. If you forward it to me, most likely my MailWasher will recognize it as a scam and trash it anyway. With anything credit card related: If it tells you to stop by your local bank, then it's legit. If it asks for ANY input whatsoever, it's a scam. Feel free to enter the name and email address of your favorite politician, but never enter anything related to you, especially not bank account or PIN numbers. Have FUN! DearWebby

A private is on duty in the motor pool when the phone rings: "Soldier, can you tell me what equipment is available for use immediately?" The voice on the other end asked. "Well, sir, we have two tanks, a half dozen half-tracks, two armored personnel carriers, a couple of motorcycles, and fat-ass Johnson's command jeep." "Soldier? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "No sir." "This is Major Johnson, your commander!" "Uh Sir? Do you know who you are speaking to?" "Not yet!" "That's good! Bye, bye Fat-Ass!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Leaf Foxes By tiffanytallent1981 [97 Posts, 47 Comments] What does the fox say? If you decide to incorporate a winter animal theme into your classroom, foxes would fit perfectly. It seems that they tend to make more appearances during the colder months. It is probably because foxes do not hibernate and are looking for shelter to stay warm. One craft that is very easy to make is the leaf fox. You don't need many supplies and they turn out just adorable! If you want to read a book prior to making the craft, try The Winter Fox, by Timothy Knapman or Foxes in the Snow, by Jonathan Emmett. There are also numerous non-fiction books on every species of fox, if you want something educational. Total Time: 10 minutes Yield: 3 Supplies: 3 maple craft leaves (fox colors) 6 wiggle eyes 3 pipe cleaner pieces 2-3 inches long (black, brown, pink or gray) hot glue gun 1 hot glue stick 1 piece white cardstock 3 magnet strips (optional) Steps: If you don't want to make your foxes into magnets, glue them to the white card stock. Make sure the longest point is facing down. I found it looks better not to glue the leaves down flat. If you put glue in middle only, the sides stick up making the foxes pop! Hot glue two wiggle eyes on each leaf. Cut a pipe cleaner into 2-3 inch pieces. Roll each piece into an round ball and hot glue one to the tip of each leaf. If you want leaf fox magnets, cut the magnet strips in half. Place a line of glue on each one and add to the back of the leaves. Then you can display them on the fridge! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ The young Ensign approached the crusty old Chief and asked him about the origin of the commissioned office insignias. "Well, Ensign, it's history and tradition. First, we give you a gold bar representing that you're valuable BUT malleable. The silver bar of a Lieutenant Junior Grade represents value, but less malleable. When you make Lieutenant, you're twice as valuable so we give you two silver bars. As a Captain, you soar over military masses, hence the eagle. As an Admiral, you're obviously a star. That answer your question?" "Yeah, but what about Commanders and Lieutenant Commanders?" "Now that goes waaaaaay back in history. Back to the Garden of Eden even. You see, we've always covered our ....... with leaves." __________________________________________________
What a great idea! The town that eats together stays together
___________________________________________________ Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: Sure, buddy. Officer: That's no way to address an officer! Now let's try it again. Officer: Do you have change for a dollar? Soldier: No, SIR! =========================================== A Navy Chief and an Admiral were sitting in the barbershop. They were both just getting finished with their shaves-the barbers were reaching for some after-shave to slap on their faces. The admiral shouted, "Hey, don't put that stuff on me! My wife will think I've been in a whorehouse!" The chief turned to his barber and said, "Go ahead and put it on. MY wife doesn't know what the inside of a whorehouse smells like.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Family leaving Church after services: Father; "That was the longest driest, least informative sermon I've ever heard." Mother; "The choir was terrible. I never heard some of those hymns before, and they were singing them off key." Little Tommy; "I don't know, all in all it wasn't a bad show. Three of us for a dollar." ____________________________________________________

Today, October 13, in 
1775 The U.S. Continental Congress ordered the construction
of a naval fleet. 

1792 The cornerstone of the Executive Mansion was laid in
Washington, DC. The building became known as the White
House in 1818, when it was restored and whietwashed after
the Canucks had burned it in the war of 1812. 

1812 American forces were defeated at the Battle of
Queenstown Heights. The British victory effectively ended
any further U.S. invasion of Canada. 

1843 B'nai B'rith, the Jewish organization, was founded by
Henry Jones and eleven others in New York City, NY. 

1854 The state of Texas ratified a state constitution. 

1943 During World War II, Italy switched sides to the
winning side and signed an armistice with the Allies and
declared war on Germany. 

1944 American troops entered Aachen, Germany, during World
War II. 

1944 During World War II, British and Greek advance units
landed at Piraeus. 

1951 In Atlanta, GA, a football with a rubber covering was
used for the first time. Georgia Tech beat Louisiana State
25-7. 

1953 An ultrasonic burglar alarm was patented by Samuel
Bagno. 

1957 Bing Crosby and Frank Sinatra introduced the Ford
Edsel on an hour long special. 

1962 "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf?" opened on Broadway. 

1981 Egyptian voters elected Vice President Hosni Mubarak
as the new president one week after Anwar Sadat was
assassinated. 

1989 U.S. President George H.W. Bush called for an
overthrow of the Panamanian ruler Manuel Antonio Noriega. 

1992 A commercial flight record was set by an Air France
supersonic jetliner for circling the Earth in 33 hours and
one minute. 

1998 The National Basketball Association (NBA) canceled
regular season games, due to work stoppage, for first time
in its 51-year history. 

1999 The U.S. Senate rejected the ratification of the
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty (CTBT). 

2010 Near Copiapó, Chile, 33 miners were trapped
underground in San José Mine. The miners were rescued after
69 days underground. 

2017  smiled.


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Which email to use for travelling 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 12

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Amateur actress arrested for trying to 
push random woman off subway platform
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 12 in
1492 Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean
route to India. The same day he claimed the land for
Isabella and Ferdinand of Spain. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. --- Samuel Goldwyn (1882 - 1974) You get fifteen democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions. --- Senator Patrick Leahy If all the girls who attended the Yale prom were laid end to end, I wouldn't be a bit surprised. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two elderly women were out driving in a large car; both ladies could barely see over the dashboard. As they were cruising along they came to an intersection. The stoplight was red but they just went on through. The woman in the passenger seat thought to herself, "I must be losing it, I could have sworn we just went through a red light." After a few more minutes they came to another intersection and the light was again red, and again they went right through. This time the woman in the passenger seat was almost sure that the light had been red but was really concerned that she was losing it. She was getting nervous and decided to pay very close attention at the next intersection to see what was going on. At the next intersection, sure enough, the light was definitely red and they went right through. At this point she turned to her friend and said, "Mildred! Do you know we just ran through three red lights in a row? You could get killed us!" Mildred turned to her and said, "Holy Moly! Am I driving?" _____________________________________________________ The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect him from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened; everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me!" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was awakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Mom had been teaching her 3-year-old daughter to recite the Lord's Prayer. The youngster dutifully repeated it after her mother at bed time for several nights. One night, the girl insisted she was ready to pray "solo," so her mother listened with pride as she carefully enunciated every word. The mother was a bit exasperated and knew they needed to work on it some more as her daughter ended the prayer: "And lead us not into temptation," the youngster prayed, "but deliver us some email. Amen." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Keira Keeley, 35, New York, New York Amateur Actress arrested for trying to push random woman off subway platform A 35-year-old actress who has starred in off-Broadway shows and played bit parts on TV allegedly tried to push a fellow straphanger into the path of a subway train at Union Square over the weekend, law enforcement sources told The Post. Keira Keeley’s random target was 57-year-old Leonore Gonzalez of the Bronx, who was waiting on the 4, 5 and 6 train platform. Keeley allegedly walked up and shoved her from behind at 12:15 a.m. Saturday. Gonzalez grabbed a pillar and narrowly avoided falling from the platform onto the tracks, police sources said. A cop heard screaming on the platform, and was told by a witness that Keeley intentionally pushed her victim toward the tracks as a train was pulling in, according to the sources. Gonzalez explained to cops that she didn’t see Keeley move toward her, but felt a push and quickly grabbed a pillar so she wouldn’t fall in front of the northbound train, according to sources. She suffered a bruise on her right elbow and wrist, as well as back pain after the push, sources said. The actress was arrested at the station, and initially claimed she’d simply bumped into Gonzalez, with whom she’d had no prior interaction — and even tried to grab her before she fell. Keeley later told police she’d been out boozing with her boyfriend, Jeff, at the 12th Street Ale House in the East Village, where she threw back four glasses of wine before heading home to the Bronx, according to sources. She admitted feeling “wiggly” and buzzed while waiting in the subway station, but denied pushing Gonzalez, sources said. Keeley, who has no prior arrests, was charged with attempted assault with intent to injure with a weapon. Her bail was set at $7,500, which she posted Monday, records show. Police sources said the incident was not caught on camera, but cops were planning to interview the train operator. Keeley has performed in off-Broadway productions according to her website. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: What mail to use for travelling Dear Webby, What kind of mail program is best for travelling? I heard that some hotels won't let you use POP mail? Is that true? Dear Helen That depends entirely on your choice of hotels. Most hotels block the regular email port, (25), but you can sneak around that and get out via port 587 or 465. You can usually get out OK with web mail. If you don't have a domain and webmail, get a Gmail account. Very few hotels block Gmail. Have FUN! DearWebby

A drunk is attracted by the food and stumbles along a baptismal service on Sunday afternoon down by the river. He proceeds to walk into the water and stand next to the preacher. The minister notices the old drunk and says, "Mister, are you ready to find Jesus?" The drunk looks back and says, "Yes, preacher, I sure am." The minister dunks the fellow under the water and pulls him right back up. "Have you found Jesus?" the preacher asks. "Nooo, I didn't!" said the drunk. The preacher then dunks him under for quite a bit longer, brings him up, and says, "Now, brother, have you found Jesus?" "Noooo, I have not, reverend." The preacher, in disgust, holds the man under for at least 30 seconds this time, brings him out of the water, and says in a harsh tone, "My God, man, have you found Jesus yet?" The old drunk wipes his eyes and says to the preacher, "Are you sure this is where he fell in?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Upcycled Light Bulb Terrarium This is a fun way to use a burnt out incandescent bulb that would otherwise be thrown out. Approximate Time: 30 minutes Supplies: 1 hollowed out incandescent bulb moss, dirt, pebbles, or any fun findings from outside a pencil or other long, narrow tool a screw string or thread Instructions: Start with an incandescent light bulb that has been previously hollowed out. There are some excellent tutorials online showing how to do this. Take the screw and start twisting it into the threads on one side of the bulb's aluminum cap to make a small hole. Twist it back out and make another hole across from the first on the opposite side. Fill the bulb carefully with your pebbles, then your dirt, and finally your moss and treasures. Use the pencil to move and push things so they are arranged to your liking. Using the holes you made in the cap of the bulb, thread your string through and tie it into a knot. By Shawna G. from Ann Arbor, MI Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com She didn't list where you can learn how to hollow out a lightbulb, so I looked it up on Google. Here is one site that shows you how to do it: How to hollow out a lightbulb Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Italian School Lunch
____________________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, " BS ! Just wait until the autopsy, then you'll see that I was right!" __________________________________________________
The art of James Castle, created with spit, scraps and soot.
___________________________________________________ Her husband had passed on and the new widow was so distraught that she sought out a spiritualist who told her that her husband was just fine. She added further that he was eagerly awaiting a reunion with her. "Is there anything he needs ?" the distraught woman asked, between tears. The spiritualist went into a trance state, then replied, "He says he'd love a package of cigarettes." "I'll send a carton immediately." the woman said joyfully. "But did he say where I should send them ?" "No." replied the Seer somberly. "But he didn't ask for matches."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A teacher in Los Angeles asked one of her pupils, "What's the nation's capital?" The reply was, "Washington DC." After the teacher asked the pupil what 'DC' stood for, the student added, "Dot com!" ____________________________________________________

Today, October 12, in 
1492 - Christopher Columbus, an Italian explorer, sighted
Watling Island in the Bahamas. He believed that he had
found Asia while attempting to find a Western ocean route
to India. The same day he claimed the land for Isabella and
Ferdinand of Spain. 

1792 - The first monument honoring Christopher Columbus was
dedicated in Baltimore, MD. 

1810 - Bavarian Crown Prince Ludwig married Princess
Therese of Saxony-Hildburghausen. The royalty invited the
public to attend the event which became an annual
celebration that later became known as Oktoberfest. 

1892 - In celebration of the 400th anniversary of the
Columbus landing the original version of the Pledge of
Allegiance was first recited in public schools. 

1895 - In Newport, RI, the first amateur golf tournament
was held. 

1915 - Former U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt criticized
U.S. citizens who identified themselves by dual
nationalities. 

1920 - Construction of the Holland Tunnel began. It opened
on November 13, 1927. The tunnel links Jersey City, NJ and
New York City, NY. 

1933 - The U.S. Department of Justice acquired Alcatraz
Island from the U.S. Army. 

1937 - "Mr. Keen, Tracer of Lost Persons" debuted on radio.


1938 - Production began on "The Wizard of Oz." 

1942 - During World War II, Attorney General Francis Biddle
announced that Italian nationals in the United States would
no longer be considered enemy aliens. 

1945 - Private First Class Desmond T. Doss was presented
with the Congressional Medal of Honor for outstanding
bravery as a medical corpsman. He was the first
conscientious objector in American history to win the
award. 

1960 - Soviet premier Nikita Khrushchev pounded a shoe on
his desk during a dispute at a U.N. General Assembly. 

1961 - The first video memoirs by a U.S. president were
made. Walter Cronkite interviewed Dwight D. Eisenhower. 

1964 - The Soviet Union launched Voskhod 1 into orbit
around the Earth. It was the first space flight to have a
multi-person crew and the first flight to be performed
without space suits. 

1972 - During the Vietnam War, a racial brawl broke out
aboard the U.S. aircraft carrier Kitty Hawk. Nearly 50
sailors were injured. 

1976 - China announced that Hua Guo-feng was named to
succeed the late Mao Tse-tung as chairman of the Communist
Party. 

1988 - Federal prosecutors announced that the Sundstrand
Corp. would pay $115 million dollars to settle with the
Pentagon for overbilling airplane parts over a five-year
period. 

1989 - The U.S. House of Representatives approved a
statutory federal ban on the destruction of the American
flag. 

1993 - The play "Mixed Emotions" opened at the John Golden
Theatre. 

1994 - Haitian military leader Raoul Cedras was granted
political asylum by Panama. 

1994 - The Magellan space probe ended its four-year mission
to Venus for the purpose of mapping. 

1997 - The St. Francis Basilica and 15th-century bell tower
above Foligno city hall in Italy were damaged by 3
earthquakes. 

1998 - The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Online
Copyright Bill. 

1999 - Rob Reiner received a star on the Hollywood Walk of
Fame. 

1999 - In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf seized power in a
bloodless coup that toppled Prime Minister Nawaz Sharif.
The Supreme Court ruled that the coup was legal but
insisted that a civilian government be restored within
three years. 

2001 - A special episode of America's Most Wanted was aired
that focused on 22 wanted terrorists. The show was
specifically requested by U.S. President George W. Bush. 

2006 - The Dow Jones industrial average advanced over
11,900 for the first time. 

2015 - It was announced that Dell was buying EMC for around
$67 billion.

2017  smiled.


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Fast shut-down 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 11

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Illegal immigrant faces child sex assault charges
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 11 in
1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Doing nothing is very hard to do ... you never know when you're finished. --- Leslie Nielsen (1926 - ) Failure is not the only punishment for laziness; there is also the success of others. --- Jules Renard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Seems an elderly gentleman had serious hearing problems for a number of years. He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a set of hearing aids that allowed the gentleman to hear 100%. The elderly gentleman went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, "Your hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased you can hear again." To which the gentleman said, "Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will five times already!" _____________________________________________________ On their honeymoon, the pretty bride slipped into a sexy nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into bed, only to find that her new Catholic husband had settled down on the couch. When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he replied, "It's Lent." In tears, she remarked, "Well, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard! Who did you lend it to, and for how long?" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: My wife chewed me out at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times???" "Not a bit," I replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate for you!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Edgar Mendoza, 28, Trenton, Pennsylvania Illegal immigrant facing child sex assault charges An undocumented immigrant accused of sexually assaulting a 6-year-old girl will remain locked up at the Mercer County Correction Center pending final resolution of his case. Edgar Mendoza, a 32-year-old citizen of Guatemala, consented to pretrial detention on Friday and told the judge he understood exactly what he was doing. Trenton Police Officer Gilbert Quinones arrested Mendoza on Sept. 19, charging him with counts of burglary, endangering the welfare of a child, sexual assault and aggravated sexual assault. Mendoza is accused of unlawfully entering a Bayard Street home, molesting the 6-year-old victim in her bed and jumping out the second-floor window after the child's father found Mendoza in bed with the victim. After Mendoza jumped out of the window about 1:30 a.m., the father called police and provided a description of the alleged pedophile. Detectives from the Trenton Police Street Crimes Unit later found Mendoza, and the child's parent positively identified him as the man who was in bed with his kid, police said, adding that detectives soon learned the victim had been sexually assaulted by Mendoza. Police recovered a cellphone outside of the home in the area where Mendoza jumped from the window. Police say the phone belonged to Mendoza. The assault victim was taken to the hospital for treatment. Officials said there were two adults and two children in the home at the time of the incident. U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, also known as ICE, on Sept. 20 placed a detainer on Mendoza, according to court records. Trenton Police originally said Mendoza is 32, but court records indicated he is either 27 or 28 and listed his place of residence as 64 Washington St., which is located in Trenton's Chambersburg neighborhood not far from Bayard Street. Following delay upon delay and a switch of judges, Mendoza finally made his Superior Court appearance Friday afternoon at the Mercer County Criminal Courthouse. He was represented by public defender Malaeika Montgomery. We've had an opportunity to review the discovery provided by the state, Montgomery said at the hearing before Mercer County Superior Court Judge Peter Warshaw. We are stipulating to probable cause. We are also consenting to Mr. Mendoza's detention. Part of the discovery in the case includes a statement Mendoza gave to police. By consenting to detention, Mendoza declined to exercise his right to argue for release and agreed to be jailed without bail on pretrial detention. Warshaw signed the detention order consistent with Mendoza's wishes. The defendant was supposed to appear in court for a 9 a.m. Friday detention hearing before Superior Court Judge Ronald Susswein. It was not clear why the hearing was moved over to Warshaw's courtroom. Mercer County Assistant Prosecutor Sean McMurtry represented the state at the detention hearing but did not make any public statements about Mendoza's criminal charges or immigration status. Mendoza cannot be deported while he remains incarcerated on pretrial detention. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Richi Re: Automatic shut-down Dear Webby, is there a safe and fast computer shutdown or restart program that will shut down the computer when your not at it? tyvm for all the help Richi Dear Richi Why would you want to do that? You can play with the power options to shut down the hard drive and the monitor after a number of minutes of inactivity. There is no need to buy a fancy program for that. Don`t cut the time so short that everything shuts down if you pick your nose. Give yourself a few minutes. An alternative is to use a screen saver. Stuff all your prayer pictures into a directory that has guaranteed no pictures of old girlfriends, and set the screen saver slide show to use that directory. You can also make one screen size picture that proclaims: "Jesus is watching you!" or "The CIA is currently cataloging Richi`s hard drive. Do not touch the keyboard!" or anything you want. Then set the screen saver to require a password to go away. You can set the screen saver to come on after 1 minute of inactivity, and the hard drive and the monitor to shut down after 5 minutes. The CPU has no moving parts and never wears out. It uses almost no power when there is nothing going on. By the way, the lowest power consumption screen saver is Mystique. It loads into RAM and then does not touch the hard drive after that. It has been in Windows since version 3. Have FUN! DearWebby

A guy walked into a post office one day to see a middle aged balding man standing at the counter methodically placing "love" stamps on bright pink envelopes with hearts all over them. He then took out a perfume bottle and started spraying scent all over them. His curiosity getting the better of him, he went up to the balding guy and asked him what he was doing. The man said, "I'm sending out 1,000 lovey-dovey cards signed, 'Guess Who?'" "But why?" asked the man. "I'm a divorce lawyer." the man replied.
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Sturdy Crayons When you get new crayons, wrap them with some masking tape. They will be less likely to break but still can be sharpened. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
John Lennon metamorphosis
____________________________________________________ From Cookie Open letter to President Trump Dear President Trump: I'm about to plan a little trip with my family and extended family, and I would like to ask you to assist me. I'm going to walk across the border from the U.S. into Mexico, and I need to make a few arrangements. I know you can help with this. I plan to skip all the legal stuff like visas, passports, immigration quotas and laws. I'm sure they handle those things the same way you do here. So, would you mind telling your buddy, President Enrique Peña Nieto, that I'm on my way? Please let him know that I will be expecting the following: 1. Free medical care for my entire family. 2. English-speaking government bureaucrats for all services I might need, whether I use them or not. 3. All government forms need to be printed in English. 4. I want my kids to be taught by English-speaking teachers. 5. Schools need to include classes on American culture and history. 6. I want my kids to see the American flag flying on the top of the flag pole at their school with the Mexican flag flying lower down. 7. Please plan to feed my kids at school for both breakfast and lunch. 8. I will need a local Mexican driver's license so I can get easy access to government services. 9. I do not plan to have any car insurance, and I won't make any effort to learn local traffic laws. 10. In case one of the Mexican police officers does not get the memo from Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto to leave me alone, please be sure that all police officers speak English. 11. I plan to fly the U.S. flag from my house top, put flag decals on my car, and have a gigantic celebration on July 4th. I do not want any complaints or negative comments from the locals. 12. I would also like to have a nice job without paying any taxes, and don't enforce any labor laws or tax laws. 13. Please tell all the people in the country to be extremely nice and never say a critical word about me, or about the strain I might place on the economy. I know this is an easy request because you already do all these things for all the people who come to the U.S. from Mexico. I am sure that Pres. Enrique Peña Nieto won't mind returning the favor if you ask him nicely. However, if he gives you any trouble, just invite him to go quail hunting with a previous V.P. Thank you so much for your kind help. Sincerely, Cookie __________________________________________________
These black and white tattoos look like photos!
___________________________________________________ A Mormon acquaintance once pushed Mark Twain into an argument on the issue of polygamy. After long and tedious expositions justifying the practice, the Mormon demanded that Twain cite any passage of scripture expressly forbidding polygamy. "Nothing easier," Twain said. "No man can serve two masters."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: There was an old priest who got sick of all the people in his parish confessing to adultery. One Sunday, in the pulpit, he said, "If I hear one more person confess to adultery, I'll quit!" Well, everyone liked him, so they came up with a code word. Someone who had committed adultery would say instead that they had 'fallen.' This seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well until the priest passed away at a ripe old age. A few days after the new priest arrived, he visited the mayor of the town and seemed very concerned. "Mayor, you have to do something about the roads and side- walks in town. When people come into the confessional, they keep telling me they've fallen." The mayor started to laugh, realizing that no one had told the new priest about the code word. But, before he could explain, the priest shook an accusing finger at him and shouted, "I don't know what you're laughing about, because your wife has fallen six times this week already!" ____________________________________________________ From Moll I have been copying your Tech Support Pits into a Notetab Pro text file for about 20 years. When I need some info, I use the CTRL F find in it, and it instantly shows what I need, if I was precise enough with my question. The file is getting quite huge, but for 2018 I am going to start a new one. Maybe I will print out the first one as a book! Thanks for all the help! Moll

Today, October 11, in 
1776 During the American Revolution the first naval battle
of Lake Champlain was fought. The forces under Gen. Benedict
Arnold suffered heavy losses. 

1811 The Juliana, the first steam-powered ferryboat, was put
into operation by the inventor John Stevens. The ferry went
between New York City, NY, and Hoboken, NJ. 

1869 Thomas Edison filed for a patent on his first
invention. The electric machine was used for counting votes
for the U.S. Congress, however the Congress did not buy it. 

1881 David Henderson Houston patented the first roll film
for cameras. 

1890 The Daughters of the American Revolution was founded in
Washington, DC. 

1899 The Boer War began in South Africa between the British
and the Boers of the Transvaal and Orange Free State. 

1929 JCPenney opened a store in Milford, DE, making it a
nationwide company with stores in all 48 states. 

1932 In New York, the first telecast of a political campaign
was aired. 

1936 The radio show, "Professor Quiz", aired for the first
time. 

1939 U.S. President Roosevelt was presented with a letter
from Albert Einstein that urged him to develop the U.S.
atomic program rapidly. 

1942 The Battle of Cape Esperance, during World War II,
began in the Solomons. 

1958 Pioneer 1, a lunar probe, was launched by the U.S. The
probe did not reach its destination and fell back to Earth
and burned up in the atmosphere. 

1968 Apollo 7 was launched by the U.S. The first manned
Apollo mission was the first in which live television
broadcasts were received from orbit. Wally Schirra, Don
Fulton Eisele and R. Walter Cunningham were the astronauts
aboard. 

1971 Hugh Downs left the "Today" show and "Concentration".
He later became the host of ABC's "20/20". 

1975 "Saturday Night Live" was broadcast for the first time.
George Carlin was the guest host. 

1975 Bill Clinton and Hillary Rodham were married in
Fayetteville, AR. 

1983 The last hand-cranked telephones in the U.S. went out
of service. The 440 telephone customers of Bryant Pond, ME,
were switched to direct-dial service. 

1984 American Kathryn D. Sullivan became the first female
astronaut to space walk. She was aboard the space shuttle
Challenger. 

1984 Mario Lemieux (Pittsburgh Penguins) made his debut in
the National Hockey League (NHL) against the Boston Bruins.
He scored a goal on his first shot on his first NHL shift. 

1994 U.S. troops in Haiti took control of the National
Palace. 

1994 Iraqi troops began moving away from the Kuwaiti border.


1994 The Colorado Supreme Court declared that the anti-gay
rights measure in the state was unconstitutional. 

2017  smiled.


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Is Malwarebytes preferable over McAfee? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 10

Thank you, Francis!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose 
and pass out while their babies are in SUV
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 10 in
1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama
Canal. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In those days spirits were brave, the stakes were high, men were real men, women were real women and small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri were real small furry creatures from Alpha Centauri. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) Don't marry the person you think you can live with; marry only the individual you think you can't live without. --- James C. Dobson ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man was robbing a house in the middle of the night. All of a sudden, he heard a parrot cry out. "Jesus is watching you!" The robber ignored it, and takes the TV. Again, the parrot cries out. "Jesus is gonna get you." The robber started to get a little worried. "What's your name, birdie?" "Moses." "What dummy named you Moses?" "The same dummy who called his Rottweiler Jesus." _____________________________________________________ Lost Churches of Louisiana One of the local television stations in Louisiana aired an interview with a woman from New Orleans after Hurricane Katrina. The interviewer was from a Boston affiliate. She asked the Lousiana woman how such total and complete devastation of the churches in the area had affected their lives. Without hesitation, the woman replied: "I don't know about all those other people, but we haven't gone to Churches in years. We gets our chicken from Popeye's". The look on the interviewer's face was priceless!!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man and his ever-nagging wife went on vacation to Jerusalem. While they were there, the wife passed away. The undertaker told the Husband, "You can have her shipped home for $5,000, or you can bury her here, in the Holy Land, for $150." The man thought about it for a few seconds and then told him he would just have her shipped home. The undertaker asked, "Why would you spend $5,000 to ship your wife's dead body home, when it would be wonderful to be buried here and you would spend only $150?" The man replied, "Long ago a man died here, was buried here, and three days later he rose from the dead. I just don't want to take that chance." ______________________________________________________ Poor dog! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida South Fla. moms who met in rehab overdose and pass out while their babies are in SUV Two South Florida women overdosed on heroin in a sports utility vehicle with two infants in the back seat, authorities said. Parents arrested after baby nearly dies of heroin overdose Boynton Beach police said in a news release that Kristen Leigh O'Connor, 28, and June Schweinhart, 29, were taken to a hospital Thursday after officers found them passed out inside the SUV. The infants, ages 1 and 2 months, were properly strapped into their car seats, police said. O'Connor told investigators she picked up Schweinhart -- whom she had met in a drug treatment program -- and they bought $60 worth of heroin from her old drug dealer. The women snorted the drug and then overdosed. After treatment, they were booked into jail on child neglect charges, police said. The infants were turned over to family members. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Malwarebytes over McAfee? Dear Webby, Do you prefer Malwarebytes over McAfee? Happy Thanksgiving. Bill Dear Bill Yes, since Christmas 2016 I do prefer Malwarebytes. Have FUN! DearWebby

Thanks to Dave for this story: Oh, no!" he gasped as he surveyed the disaster before him. Never in his 40 years of life had he seen such devastation. How anyone could have survived, he did not know. He could only hope that somewhere amid the overwhelming destruction he would find his 16-year-old son. Only the slim hope of finding Junior kept him from turning and fleeing the scene. He took a deep breath and proceeded. Walking was virtually impossible with so many things strewn across his path. He moved ahead slowly. "Junior! Junior!" he whispered to himself to keep himself steady. He tripped and almost fell several times. He heard someone, or something, move. At least he thought he did. Perhaps, he was just hoping he did. He shook his head and felt his gut tighten. He couldn't understand how this could have happened. There was some light but not enough to see very much. Something cold and wet brushed against his hand. He jerked it away. In desperation, he took another step then cried out, "Junior!" From a nearby pile of unidentified material, he heard his son. "Yes, Dad," he said, in a voice so weak it could hardly be heard. "It's time to get up and get ready for school," the man sighed. "And for heaven's sake, clean up your room!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cleaning With Club Soda For new stains, club soda can be an effective spot removing for clothing and carpets. First blot the stain to soak up as much as possible. Then pour club soda directly on the stain, wait a 5 seconds and scrub the area with a damp sponge. For stains on carpet, if the stain has been successfully removed, put a towel on the top of the area with a book on top of it. This will soak up any moisture that remains in the carpet or the pad. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Mighty Mites forget they're in a game!
____________________________________________________ A man was sued by a woman for defamation of character. She charged that he had called her a pig. The man was found guilty and fined. After the trial he asked the judge, "This means that I cannot call Mrs. Johnson a pig?" The judge said that was true. "Does this mean I cannot call a pig Mrs. Johnson?" the man asked. The judge replied that he could indeed call a pig Mrs. Johnson with no fear of legal action. The man looked directly at Mrs. Johnson and said, "Good afternoon, Mrs. Johnson." __________________________________________________
The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima
___________________________________________________ Here is a real classic! There once was a Preacher that went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gates, there was a man in front of him. The man was a mess (t-shirt, long hair, and wearing flip flops). The man told St Peter his name and told him he was a New York taxi driver. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. The Preacher then walked up to St Peter gave his name. He told him he was a Preacher of such & such church. St Peter looked up his name and gave him a cotton robe with a wooden driftwood stick. The Preacher complained and said " Hey, the guy before me was a taxi driver and you gave him a silk robe and a silver staff. I'm a preacher of the word of God and all I got was this flimsy cotton robe and a wooden stick." St Peter said to the Preacher, "When you preached people slept, When he drove people prayed."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Almost every week I get a mail with that fake North Pole sunset photo. That's a digital painting, probably for a cover for a Science Fiction paperback, or just for fun. There are no mountains and no open water anywhere near the North Pole, just the flattest and most boring ocean ice you can imagine. Mother Earth has a smooth, dull white bald spot on top. The nearest land is about 250 Miles South and the nearest mountains are about 550 Miles South, and the nearest open water is wherever a submarine poked a hole into the ocean ice to let the guys out for a smoke. That picture is a purely digital creation, done maqny years ago by Inga Nielsen, a student in Germany, probably done with TerraGen, a terrain generating software for landscapers, or some similar software. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, Thanks for the daily wit and wisdom. Makes a great start to my day. Trevor, Chronologically Endowed (and intent on remaining that way!)

Today, October 10, in 
1845 The United States Naval Academy opened in Annapolis,
MD. 

1865 The billiard ball was patented by John Wesley Hyatt. 

1886 The tuxedo dinner jacket made its U.S. debut in New
York City. 

1887 Thomas Edison organized the Edison Phonograph Company. 

1911 China's Manchu dynasty was overthrown by
revolutionaries under Sun Yat-sen. 

1913 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson triggered the explosion
of the Gamboa Dike that ended the construction of the Panama
Canal. 

1933 Dreft, the first synthetic detergent, went on sale. 

1938 Nazi Germany completed its annexation of
Czechoslovakia's Sudetenland. 

1943 Chaing Kai-shek took the oath of office as the
president of China. 

1957 U.S. President Dwight D. Eisenhower apologized to Komla
Agbeli Gbdemah, the finance minister of Ghana, after the
official had been refused service in a Dover, DE,
restaurant. 

1959 Pan American World Airways announced the beginning of
the first global airline service. 

1963 A dam burst in Italy killing 3,000 people. 

1965 The Red Baron made his first appearance in the
"Peanuts" comic strip. 

1973 Fiji became independent after of nearly a century of
British rule. 

1977 Joe Namath played the last game of his National
Football League (NFL) career. 

1987 Tom McClean finished rowing across the Atlantic Ocean.
He set the record at 54 days and 18 hours. 

1991 The United States cut all foreign aid to Haiti in
reaction to a military coup that forced President Jean-
Claude Aristide into exile. 

1994 Lt. Gen. Raoul Cedras resigned as Haiti's commander-in-
chief of the army and pledged to leave the country. 

1994 Iraq announced it was withdrawing its forces from the
Kuwaiti border. No signs of a pullback were observed. 

1995 Gary Kasparov won a chess championship against
Viswanathan Anand that had lasted about a month. 

1997 The Guggenheim Museum in Bilbao, Spain, opened to the
public. Architect Frank Gehry designed the 450 ft. long and
98 ft. wide building. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush presented a list of 22
most wanted terrorists. 

2003 Rush Limbaugh announced that he was addicted to
painkillers and that he was going to check into a rehab
center. 

2010 In China, Canton Tower opened to the public. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 9
Happy Thanksgiving Day in Canada!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Man told Orlando airport employee he had 
to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'.
He is in jail now.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 9 in
1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ 'Tis better to be silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt. --- Abraham Lincoln (1809 - 1865) The further a society drifts from truth, the more it will hate those who speak it. --- George Orwell ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A golfer went to see his doctor. He was suffering from major stress syndrome. The doctor asked him if he played golf, to which the golfer replied "I play at it, it's a very frustrating game, but I love it." The doctor told him that the next time he played, he should use an imaginary ball. The golfer was a little embarrassed, but he decided to give it a try. So he went out on a week day so his normal golfing buddies wouldn't see him, and proceeded to tee up an imaginary ball. Lo and behold, he birdied the first hole! He was playing the best game he had ever played, with birdie or eagle on every hole, as he approached the 9th green. Another single gentleman had been playing ahead of him and watching this game with much curiosity. The second golfer waited before he teed off on the 10th hole and asked the first golfer if he would like to join him. They did, and as they played the 10th hole, the second golfer asked him what he was doing. The first golfer explained that his doctor had told him to play a round of golf with an imaginary ball to relieve his stress, and it was working. Well, of course, the second golfer said he had stress and asked if it would be all right to play with an imaginary ball, also. The first golfer said "Sure!" They now approach the 18th hole, short par 4, and both men are tied to this point in their round. The second golfer teed his imaginary ball, took a stroke, and started jumping up and down shouting, "Ace! I win!" The first golfer only turned to him, smiled, and said "No, I won. That was my ball." _____________________________________________________ Anthony and Kathy married. Anthony thought this would be a modern marriage which meant equal roles for equal partners. So, the first morning back from their honeymoon, Anthony brought Kathy breakfast in bed. Kathy wasn't impressed with his culinary skills, however. She looked disdainfully at the tray, and snorted, "A poached egg? I wanted scrambled!" Undaunted, the next morning, Anthony brought his true love a scrambled egg. Kathy wasn't having any of it. "Don't you think I like variety? I wanted poached this morning!" Determined to please Kathy, the next morning he brought his true love two eggs - one scrambled and one poached. "Here, my love... enjoy!" Kathy acted furious, "You scrambled the wrong egg!" Anthony took the plate and ate both eggs himself, in the kitchen. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ The young teacher of the earth science class was lecturing on map reading. After explaining about latitude, longitude, degrees and minutes the teacher asked Morris, "Suppose I asked you to meet me for lunch at 23 degrees, 4 minutes north latitude and 45 degrees, 15 minutes west longitude...?" After a confused silence, Johnnie offered this as his answer, "I guess you'd be eating alone. I can't swim THAT far!" ______________________________________________________ Christ The Redeemer, Rio de Janiero _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Fred Gray, Orlando, Florida Man told Orlando airport employee he had to get bag checked in 'before it explodes'. He is in jail now. Officers responded to a “verbal face-to-face bomb threat” Thursday evening at the Orlando International Airport, Orlando police said in a news release. The release said Fred Gray told an employee that he needed to “get this bag checked in before it explodes." Officers separated Gray from his bag and called for K-9 units, police said. Airport authorities said they recognized Gray as a person who had been to the police office earlier in the day to report that his wallet had been stolen. Authorities said Gray was belligerent and loud while officers assisted him with that report. Gray and his bags were then taken to the Orlando police office. An employee who works at the east information desk told police that she first interacted with Gray and that she was also the first person to call 911. "While I was working at the east information desk around 5:08 p.m., a passenger approached me, saying, ‘You see this backpack?’ I said, ‘Yes.’ He then screamed, ‘It's about to explode! It's about to explode!’" the employee said in the release. Nearby passengers ran away and Gray left, police said. That’s when the employee called 911. "A passenger approached and asked me if there was a Fed-Ex type store in the airport. I said, ‘No,’” TSA Officer Robert Henry said. ”He then replied, ‘Retarded, but OK.’ He then asked where American Airlines was located. I asked him if he meant the ticket counter or the gates. He then replied, ‘Yeah, I've got to get this bag checked in before it explodes.’" Henry notified his dispatcher. Police said an officer talked to Gray who stated that he made the statements, but he meant his bag was about to break open and the contents were going fall out. Gray also said “it was a free country,” and he could say what he wanted, the release said. Police said Gray stated that he doesn't like "these people," and he didn't care about Vice President Pence. The release also said that Pence was at the Orlando International Airport, as was the president of Panama, when the threats were made, and that was “an aggravating factor.” Police said in the release, “There is probable cause that Gray made a false report with intent to deceive, mislead, otherwise misinform any person, concerning the placing or planting of any bomb, dynamite, other deadly explosive, or weapon of mass destruction (two counts).” “(You) can't return to the airport and no possession of any guns, knives, weapons. You understand?” a judge asked during his first court appearance. “Yes, sir,” Gray replied. Gray’s bail was set at just under $4,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bonnie Re: Anti Spyware Dear Webby, I love your newsletter and have used many of your computer tips. I have been searching the web for a good anti-spyware program. Of course, there are thousands of them. Is there one that you would highly recommend; and one that's not complicated. Thanks Bonnie Dear Bonnie Currently I recommend Malwarebytes. It is not free, but it also is the best anti-virus and general anti malware program available. Once you have that installed, it will take care of all your security needs. Have FUN! DearWebby

At work, Bob noticed that the name of an employee was the same as an old friend. He found the man's e-mail address and sent him a message. When Dad received a reply, he was insulted and fired back another e-mail: "I have put on some weight, but I didn't realize it was that noticeable." His friend's hastily typed message, with an apparent typo, had read: "Hi, Ron. I didn't know you worked here, but I did see a gut that looked like you in the cafeteria."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Keep Ice Off Your Windshield Use an old set of car floor mats to cover your car's windshield in the evening and you won't have any ice to scrape in the morning. Carpet remnants also work. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Mighty Mites forget they're in a game!
____________________________________________________ A little old Jewish lady gets onto a crowded bus and stands in front of a seated young girl. Holding her hand to her chest, she says to the girl, "If you knew what I have, you would give me your seat." The girl gets up and gives up her seat to the old lady. Because it is hot on the bus, the girl takes out a fan and starts fanning herself. The old lady looks up and says, "If you knew what I have, you would fan me, too." The girl begins to fan her. Fifteen minutes later the little old lady stands up and says to the bus driver, "Stop, I want to get off here." The bus driver tells her he has to drop her at the next corner, not in the middle of the block. With her hand across her chest, she tells the driver, "If you knew what I have, you would let me off the bus right here." The bus driver immediately pulls over in the middle of the block and opens the door to let her out. As she's stepping off the bus he asks her, "Lady, tell me, what is it you have?" The little old lady looks at him and nonchalantly replies, "Chutzpah." __________________________________________________
The Fairy Tale Forests of Yakushima
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Hope for this story: A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of Northern Michigan University in Marquette. They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop. One day, someone made the comment that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge would be to preach to a bear. One thing led to another and they decided to do an experiment They would all go out into the woods, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it. Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience. Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages, goes first. "Well," he says, "I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism. Well, that bear wanted nothing to do with me and began to slap me around. So I quickly grabbed my holy water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle a lamb. The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation." Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip. In his best fire and brimstone oratory he claimed, "WELL brothers, you KNOW that we don't sprinkle! I went out and I FOUND me a bear. And then I began to read to my bear from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me. So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrestle. We wrestled down one hill, UP another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So I quick DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul. And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the time praising Jesus." They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him. He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, "Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start things out with my bear".
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The dentist was striving to extract a tooth, but every time he got ready to proceed, the patient clamped his jaws. At last, he took his assistant aside and told her at the very moment he poised the forceps, to give the patient's balls a vicious pinch. The pinch was administered, the nervous patient's mouth flew open, and the tooth was easily removed. "Didn't hurt, did it?" asked the dentist. "Not too much," replied the patient, "but who would have thought the root went that deep?!" ____________________________________________________ From Yvonne Dear Webby, I really enjoy the humor letter and all the helpful hints, also interesting items and pictures readers send in. Thanks for keeping us all so amused and informed, what a great way to start the day!! Yvonne

Today, October 9, in 
1635 Roger Williams, founder of Rhode Island, was banished
from Massachusetts because he had spoken out against
punishments for religious offenses and giving away land that
belonged to the Indians. Williams had founded Providence,
Rhode Island as a place for people to seek religious
freedom. 

1701 The Collegiate School of Connecticut was chartered in
New Haven. The name was later changed to Yale. 

1776 A group of Spanish missionaries settled in what is now
San Francisco, CA. 

1781 The last major battle of the American Revolutionary War
took place in Yorktown, VA. The American forces, led by
George Washington, defeated the British troops under Lord
Cornwallis. 

1812 During the War of 1812 American forces captured two
British brigs, the Detroit and the Caledonia. 

1855 Isaac Singer patented the sewing machine motor. 

1855 Joshua C. Stoddard received a patent for his calliope. 

1858 Mail service via stagecoach between San Francisco, CA,
and St. Louis, MO, began. 

1872 Aaron Montgomery started his mail order business with
the delivery of the first mail order catalog. The firm later
became Montgomery Wards. 

1876 Alexander Graham Bell and Thomas Watson made their
longest telephone call to date. It was a distance of two
miles. 

1888 The public was admitted to the Washington Monument for
the first time. 

1914 During World War I, German forces captured Antwerp,
Belgium. 

1919 The Cincinnati Reds won the World Series. The win would
be later tainted when 8 Chicago White Sox were charged with
throwing the game. The incident became known as the "Black
Sox" scandal. 

1936 The first generator at Boulder Dam began transmitting
electricity to Los Angeles, CA. The name of the dam was
later changed to Hoover Dam. 

1940 St. Paul's Cathedral in London was bombed by the Nazis.
The dome was unharmed in the bombing. 

1946 "The Iceman Cometh" opened in New York City, NY. 

1946 The first electric blanket went on sale in Petersburg,
VA. 

1975 Andrei Sakharov was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize. The
Soviet scientist is known as the "father of the hydrogen
bomb." 

1983 Helen Moss joined the Brownies at the age of 83. She
became the oldest person to become a member. 

1986 U.S. District Judge Harry E. Claiborne became the fifth
federal official to be removed from office through
impeachment. The U.S. Senate convicted Claiborne of "high
crimes and misdemeanors." 

1986 The musical "Phantom of the Opera" by Andrew Lloyd
Webber opened in London. 

1989 The official Soviet news agency Tass reported an
unidentified flying object. The report included a trio of
tall aliens that had visited the city of Voronzh. 

1994 The U.S. sent troops and warships to the Persian Gulf
in response to Saddam Hussein sending thousands of troops
and hundreds of tanks toward the Kuwaiti border. 

1995 Saboteurs tinkered with a stretch of railroad track in
Arizona. An Amtrak train derailed killing one and injuring a
hundred. 

2000 Brett Hull (Dallas Stars) scored his 611th National
Hockey League (NHL) goal. The goal allowed him to pass his
father, Bobby Hull, on the all time scoring list bringing
him to number 9. 

2003 Britain's Queen Elizabeth II knighted Roger Moore and
made Sting a CBE (Commander of the British Empire). 

2009 NASA launched the Lunar Crater Observation and Sensing
Satellite (LCROSS). On November 13, it was announced that
water had been discovered in the planned impact plume on the
moon. 

2017  smiled.


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Recover lost files on DVD, Ubuntu 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 8

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wisconsin mom arrested for killing 4-year-old 
son by setting him on fire in bathtub
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 8 in
1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ You are not superior just because you see the world in an odious light. --- Vicomte de Chateaubriand (1768 - 1848) Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies. --- Edgar Watson Howe (1853 - 1937) Any sufficiently advanced bureaucracy is indistinguishable from molasses. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young lady was sitting in a fine restaurant one night. Waiting for her date as she was, she wanted to make sure everything was perfect. So, as she bends down in her chair to get the mirror from her purse, she accidentally farts quite loudly just as the waiter walks up. Sitting up straight, embarrassed and red faced, sure that everyone in the place heard her, she turns to the waiter and demands, "Stop that!" The waiter looks at her dryly and says, "Sure lady, which way did you fire it ?" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bonnie for this story: An old trapper up north was having a bad infection in his mouth so went to a dentist .He told the dentist that he just wanted the tooth pulled. When the dentist checked him, he told the old fellow that he had two abscessed teeth and he needed antibiotics and he'd have to give him some novocaine to ease the pain. The old man told him to just pull them out and not bother with the novocaine, as pain didn't bother him. After a short discussion he told the dentist that he'd only felt pain twice in his life. So the dentist gets his pliers out and pulls one tooth. He asks if he wants something for the pain and is told to just go ahead and pull the other. While the Dentist is finishing up he tells the old man: "You are a tough old codger aren't you? You said you had felt pain twice in your life ! When was that?" The man tells him: "........Well,years ago I was out checking my traps and I had to take a crap so I backed up to a tree and needless to say I was right over a bear trap. That trap closed on my testicles and believe me I felt pain then!!" "My goodness!", says the dentist, "I'm not surprised, but when was the other time you felt pain?" "When I hit the end of that chain, that the trap was tied to!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dave for this story: An old Wild West fort is about to be attacked. The wily old general sends for his trusty Indian scout. "You must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." The trusty Indian scout lies down and puts his ear to the ground. "Heap large war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint. Many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the general. "You can tell all of that just by listening to the ground?" "Nah," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate." ______________________________________________________ Courchevel, France. The altitude difference of this runway is about 60 meters (200 ft) between touch-down stripes and the almost level parking area. _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Amelia DiStasio 23, Milwaukee, Wisconsin Wisconsin mom arrested for killing 4-year-old son by setting him on fire in bathtub A Milwaukee mother has been accused of killing her 4-year- old son by setting him on fire in a bathtub in their apartment, according to multiple reports. According to the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, Amelia DiStasio's son, Antonio, begged her to stop as she allegedly used 7 belts to bind his arms behind his back before placing him into the tub where he was burned to death with cooking oil. A resident of the apartment complex where the 23-year-old woman lived with her young son allegedly told police she heard Antonio yell, Please mommy, stop! I won't do it again! According to CBS News, the woman alleged she then heard the suspect yell: Shut up! DiStasio has been charged with first-degree intentional homicide, according to online court records accessed by PEOPLE. Police were initially called to DiStasio's apartment Sept. 28, on reports of smoke coming from the unit. Inside, they found Antonio's burned remains. They also discovered the child's head had allegedly been covered with a plastic garbage bag before he was set on fire. ABC11 also reports that a pet guinea pig was allegedly found drowned in a cage next to the bathtub. DiStasio allegedly fled the apartment after starting the blaze and was found not long after police arrived, walking down a nearby street. WDJT reports investigators found Web searches on DiStasio's phone, allegedly including How do canabals die [sic] and How to kill a canabal [sic]. According to the station, the phone had also accessed a message board dedicated to an online game in which players fight cannibals. The message board allegedly detailed ways to kill cannibals within the game, including Kill it with fire! DiStasio remains jailed with bail set at $400,000. It was unclear Friday if she has an attorney. She has not entered a plea to the charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Frank Re: Recover lost files on DVD, Ubuntu Dear Webby, Something erased almost 5 Gb of video and still pictures from a DVD we used to save our recent second honeymoon after 50 years of waiting. When I went to show some to a friend The disk was shown as blank. Is there any software for Ubuntu that will recover it? Thank you for a great newsletter. Frank Dear Dave Der Frank There are half a dozen Ubuntu tools for recovering lost files on a DVD, plus you can use the command line: the DVD is usually /dev/sr0 Then to access the DVD content, use foremost (Install it with sudo apt-get install foremost) List the content of the DVD (even the erased one): sudo foremost -w /dev/sr0 Processing: /dev/sr0 To recover all data sudo foremost all /dev/sr0 everything is then available in ~/output/ And to make files visible: sudo chmod -R 777 ~/output/ The program used, foremost, is tiny and installs quickly, and of course is free. If you don't like operating from the command line, you can try dvdisaster for data cd's and dvd's. Really good if you like graphical tools. Another one is PhotoRec. It is commonly used if a camera trashed some picture folder on a DVD. For the future, I would strongly advise to NEVER use the camera to write to DVD. Always take the memory chip out of the camera and read it either with the computer, if it has a reader slot, or with a cheap (under $10) USB chip reader, and writer them onto the hard drive first, and to DVD or CD from there. A fringe benefit of that is that you got a safety copy, and of course editing is many times faster on the hard drive. Even on the chip editing is many times faster and safer than on a DVD. They are NOT made for editing, just for storing and playing. Once you have recovered the files, copy the entire DVD onto the hard drive, and write them to a brand new DVD. Then mark the old one with a Mark-All as a coffee mug coaster. I would never trust it again. DVDs are really cheap compared to lost files. Have FUN! DearWebby

Sitting on the side of the highway waiting to catch speeding drivers, a police officer sees a car puttering along at 22 MPH. He thinks to himself, "This driver is just as dangerous as a speeder!" So he turns on his lights and pulls the driver over. Approaching the car, he notices that there are five elderly ladies -- two in the front seat and three in the back - wide-eyed and white as ghosts. The driver, obviously confused, says to him, "Officer, I don't understand, I was doing exactly the speed limit! What seems to be the problem?" "Ma'am," the officer replies, "you weren't speeding, but you should know that driving slower than the speed limit can also be a danger to other drivers." "Slower than the speed limit? No sir, I was doing the speed limit exactly ... Twenty-two miles an hour!" the woman says a bit proudly. The police officer, trying to contain a chuckle explains to her that "22" was the highway number, not the speed limit. A bit embarrassed, the woman grinned and thanked the officer for pointing out her error. "But before I let you go, Ma'am, I have to ask ... is everyone in this car OK? These women seem awfully shaken and they haven't muttered a single peep this whole time," the officer asks with concern. "Oh, they'll be all right in a minute officer. We just got off that awful gravel road Hwy 119." A few minutes later,as the officer related the event on his radio, some other officer quipped: "Better shoot them down before they get to the 401." (The 401, also called the "Number 1" or the "Highway of Heroes" is the TransCanada Highway.)
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Easy To Open Nail Polish Bottle After opening a nail polish bottle for the first time, rub some petroleum jelly on the threads on the bottle before putting the lid back on. The cap will be less likely to become stuck. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
If it weren't on film, you wouldn't believe it
____________________________________________________ Two women were at a bar. One said, "You know, eighty percent of all men think the best way to end a fight is to make love." "Well," said the other, "that would certainly revolutionize the game of hockey!" __________________________________________________
What kid wouldn't want a tree house like this!
___________________________________________________ Thanks To Ross For This Story: The Airliner Pushed Back From The Gate, The Flight Attendant Gave The Passengers The Usual Information Regarding Seat Belts, Etc. Finally, She Said, "Now Sit Back And Enjoy Your Trip While Your Captain, Judith Campbell, And Crew Take You Safely To Your Destination. "Ed, Sitting In The Eighth Row Thought To Himself, "Did I Hear Her Right? Is The Captain A Woman?" When The Attendants Came By With The Drink Cart, He Said "Did I Understand You Right? Is The Captain A Woman?" "Yes," Said The Attendant, "In Fact, This Entire Crew Is Female." "My God," Said Ed, "I'd Better Have Two Scotch And Sodas. I Don't Know What To Think Of All Those Women Up There In The Cockpit." "That's Another Thing Sir," Said The Attendant, "We No Longer Call It The Cock Pit." "Now It's The "Box Office"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Hope for this insight: AMAZING CONCLUSION INTERESTING OBSERVATIONS WITH AN AMAZING CONCLUSION ! 1. The sport of choice for the urban poor is BASKETBALL. 2. The sport of choice for maintenance level employees is BOWLING 3. The sport of choice for front-line workers is FOOTBALL. 4. The sport of choice for supervisors is BASEBALL. 5. The sport of choice for middle management is TENNIS. and........ 6. The sport of choice for corporate executives and officers is GOLF. THE AMAZING CONCLUSION: The higher you go in the corporate structure, the smaller your balls become. ____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Grandma's boyfriend A 5-year-old boy went to visit his grandmother one day. Playing with his toys in her bedroom while grandma was dusting, he looked up and said, "Grandma, how come you don't have a boyfriend now that Grandpa went to heaven?" Grandma replied, "Honey, my TV is my boyfriend. I can sit in my bedroom and watch it all day long. The religious programs make me feel good and the comedies make me laugh. I'm happy with my TV as my boyfriend." Grandma turned on the TV, and the reception was terrible. She started adjusting the knobs, trying to get the picture in focus.Frustrated, she started hitting the backside of the TV hoping to fix the problem. The little boy heard the doorbell ring, so he hurried to open the door, and there stood Grandma's minister. The minister said, "Hello, son, is your Grandma home?" The little boy replied, "Yeah, she's in the bedroom bangin' her boyfriend."

Today, October 8, in 
1895 The Berliner Gramophone Company was founded in
Philadelphia, PA. 

1904 "Little Johnny Jones" opened in Hartford, CT. 

1915 During World War I, the Battle of Loos concluded. 

1918 U.S. Corporal Alvin C. York almost single-handedly
killed 25 German soldiers and captured 132 in the Argonne
Forest in France. York had originally tried to avoid being
drafted as a conscientious objector. After this event he was
promoted to sergeant and was awarded the Congressional Medal
of Honor. 

1919 The first transcontinental air race in the U.S. began. 

1945 U.S. President Truman announced that only Britain and
Canada would be given the secret to the atomic bomb. 

1950 U.N. forces crossed into North Korea from South Korea. 

1952 "The Complete Book of Etiquette" was published for the
first time. 

1966 The U.S. Government declared that LSD was dangerous and
an illegal substance. 

1970 Soviet author Alexander Solzhenitsyn won the Nobel
Prize for literature. 

1979 "Sugar Babies" opened at the Mark Hellinger Theatre on
Broadway. 

1981 U.S. President Reagan greeted former Presidents Carter,
Ford and Nixon to the White House. The group was preparing
to leave for Egypt to attend the funeral of Anwar Sadat. 

1982 In Poland, all labor organizations, including
Solidarity, were banned. 

1991 A slave burial site was found by construction workers
in lower Manhattan. The "Negro Burial Ground" had been
closed in 1790. Over a dozen skeletons were found. 

1993 The U.S. government issued a report absolving the FBI
of any wrongdoing in its final assault in Waco, TX, on the
Branch Davidian compound. The fire that ended the siege
killed as many as 85 people. 

1996 Pope John Paul II underwent a successful operation to
remove his inflamed appendix. 

1998 Taliban forces attacked Iranian border posts. Iran said
that three border posts were destroyed before the Taliban
forces were forced to retreat. The Taliban of Afghanistan
denied the event occurred. 

1998 Canada and Netherlands were voted into the U.N.
Security Council. 

2001 Tom Ridge, former Governor of Pennsylvania, was sworn
in as director of the new U.S. department of Homeland
Security.

2001 Rush Limbaugh announced to his listeners that he was
totally deaf in his left ear and had only partial hearing in
his right ear. The condition had happened in a three month
period. 

2001 Two Russian cosmonauts made the first spacewalk to be
conducted outside of the international space station without
a shuttle present. 

2002 A federal judge approved U.S. President George W.
Bush's request to reopen West Coast ports, to end a caustic
10-day labor lockout. The lockout was costing the U.S.
economy an estimated $1 billion to $2 billion a day. 

2003 China announced that it would have a human crew orbit
the Earth briefly on October 15. 

2003 Vietnam and the United States reached a tentative
agreement that would allow the first commercial flights
between the two countries since the end of the Vietnam War. 

2003 Siegfried Fischbacher and his manager announced that
the "Siegfried and Roy" show at the Mirage was canceled
permanently. It was also said that if Roy Horn survived,
after a tiger attack on October 3, the duo would continue to
work together. 

2004 The first-ever direct presidential elections were held
in Afghanistan. 

2017  smiled.


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Jumpers for USB drives 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, October 7

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
UK woman jailed for concealing death of 
her newborn son years earlier
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 7 in
2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining. --- Jef Raskin Prediction is very difficult, especially about the future. --- Niels Bohr (1885 - 1962) People demand freedom of speech as a compensation for the freedom of thought which they seldom use. --- Soren Kierkegaard ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A young woman was suffering badly from hay fever. She was going to a fancy dinner party that night and figured she would need at least two handkerchiefs to get her through the evening. She didn't have any pockets, so she stuffed them both in her bra. Halfway through the night, she had already used up one handkerchief and was rummaging around in her bra for the other one. She was having trouble finding it, and soon she noticed that everyone at the table was looking at her. "What on earth are you doing?" asked one of her colleagues. She replied, "I could have sworn I had two when I arrived!" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: Grandma Doesn't Know Everything Little Tony was staying with his grandmother for a few days. He'd been playing outside with the other kids for a while when he came into the house and asked her, "Grandma, what is that called when 2 people are sleeping in the same room and one is on top of the other?" She was a little taken aback, but decided to tell him the truth. "It's called sexual intercourse, darling." Little Tony just said, "Oh, OK" and went back outside to talk and play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, "Grandma, it is not called sexual intercourse! It's called Bunk Beds! And Jimmy's Mom wants to talk to you"!! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A couple was having some trouble, so they did the right thing and went to a marriage counselor. After a few visits and a lot of questioning and listening, I told them that I had discovered the main problem. I stood up, went over to the woman, asked her to stand, and gave her a hug, and a squeeze on each side. I looked at the man and said, "This is what your wife needs, at least once a day!" The man frowned, thought for a moment, then said, "OK, what time do you want me to bring her in for her treatment every day?" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Sinead Connett, 29, Grimsby, UK UK woman jailed for concealing death of her newborn son years earlier Plumbers called to a UK home that had been having toilet trouble found a terrible reason for the issues: the body of a newborn boy. Sinead Connett, now 29, was recently sentenced to 12 months in prison following the plumber's discovery last year. She told cops she was "shocked" when she found out she was pregnant and scared her partner would ditch her; she confessed to giving birth alone in her apartment bathroom in August 2013, per the Telegraph. (She says the baby was stillborn, but claims she tried to revive him; the BBC reports a cause of death was never determined.) The former HR executive later dumped the baby's body, wrapped in a towel and plastic bags, in a drainage pit behind her parents' home two and a half hours away, knowing they were on a trip at the time. She had left the body in the trunk of her car for at least two days before dumping it, per the Grimsby Telegraph. In February 2016, Connett's father called a plumber about issues he and his wife were having with their downstairs toilet. The plumber believed the problem was a blockage in an outside drain; while attempting to clear it, the two men found the body. The court heard how the baby's body was found in a "seriously decomposed" state and with a fractured skull. A cause of death was not ascertained, however, and a post mortem exam could not identify when exactly the death occurred. Neither Mr or Mrs Connett could explain why the body was there, and told officers how they had no known grandchildren, the court was told. Investigators identified no suspects initially, but took DNA samples from Sinead, Ann and Stuart Connett, which conclusively revealed the 28-year-old as the baby's maternal mother. Connett was ultimately convicted of concealing the birth of a child. She told cops she didn't realize she was pregnant until it was too late to terminate, but medical records show her pregnancy was recorded in January 2013. She visited an abortion clinic in May but was told it was too late to get an abortion then. The baby was conceived with partner Jonathan Layfield, a teacher who got banned from teaching in 2014 due to an inappropriate relationship with a teen student. Despite all of these issues, the couple wed in November 2016. Connett was charged in May 2017 after all her stories about the baby were found to be lies. There was no proof that she personally had bashed in the baby`s head, and since everything she said was lies, she was not charged with murder. Considering how many people are on waiting lists for adopting babies, and have been for many years, she should have gotten a much stiffer sentence. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: USB drive jumpers Dear Webby, Congratulations and thanks for a most useful newsletter. I recently purchased a HD enclosure kit and am having problems making it work, Should the hard drive jumpers be set to slave? By the way I phoned the companies tech help line. They weren't. Dave Dear Dave Sorry that your email almost slipped by me! Yes, the jumper on the portable USB drive needs to be set to the "SLAVE" position. That way it will accept any stationary C: drive as it's master, and it will act as a secondary drive to both your desktop and laptop. Some newer drives will detect that on their own, but if you see jumpers, set them to slave. Have FUN! DearWebby

The warden, addressing the three instigators of a failed prison riot, said, "I would like to know two things. First: Why did you revolt? Second: How did you get out of your cell?" One of the three men stepped forward, "Warden, we rebelled because the food is awful." "I see. And what did you use to break the bars?" The warden asked. Replied the spokesman, "French Toast..."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Removing Labels the Thrifty Way By anip [2 Posts, 1 Comment] This tip has always worked for me. The easiest way to remove labels and sticker residue from glass jars is as follows: Peel the label. (Soaking in hot water helps.) Rub any sticky areas with peanut butter. Rinse and enjoy, knowing that no chemicals were needed! Not only did you avoid spending money on some sort of cleaner, you also got to play with your food! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com I put jars into the sink first and remove last. Often that releases labels and lets them float off. If they don`t, I half fill them with hot water, and put them into the microwave for a few minutes. Often the label falls off, if not you can pull them off with flat, wide, tweezers. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Optical illusion
____________________________________________________ One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain." The people did as they were told and returned to church the following Sunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said. "But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe." "Believe?" he screamed. "Then where are your umbrellas?" __________________________________________________
Overnight in a polar bears den.
___________________________________________________ The sheriff of a small town was also the town's animal Vet. One night the phone rang, and his wife answered. An agitated voice inquired, "Is your husband there?" "Do you require his services as a sheriff or as a vet?" the wife asked. "Both!" was the reply. "We can't get our dog's mouth open, and there's a burglar in it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A traveling salesman went into a restaurant for breakfast one morning. When the waitress took his order he said he wanted his eggs hard and burned around the edges, his bacon was to be burnt crisp and he wanted his toast blackened and hard. The waitress was surprised but soon returned with his order as he requested. She then asked if was there anything else she could do for him. He says, "Yes, sit down across from me, frazzle your hair and start complaining. I'm home-sick!" ____________________________________________________ From Catherine You're still funny after all these years - and informative, intelligent, just plain useful! Thank you! Thought you might enjoy reading about these glorious Gypsy Vanner horses - awesome photographs! http://www.gypsymvp.com/index.htm http://www.gypsymvp.com/index.htm Catherine Thanks Catherine! There is also a beautiful video there at the bottom center of the main page. Enjoy! DearWebby

Today, October 7, in 
1765 Nine American colonies sent a total of 28 delegates to
New York City for the Stamp Act Congress. The delegates
adopted the "Declaration of Rights and Grievances." 

1777 During the American Revolution the second Battle of
Saratoga began. 

1913 For the first time, Henry Ford's entire Highland Park
automobile factory was run on a continuously moving assembly
line when the chassis was added to the process. 

1918 The Georgia Tech football team defeated Cumberland
College 222-0. Georgia Tech carried the ball 978 yards and
never threw a pass. 

1949 The German Democratic Republic (East Germany) was
formed. 

1950 The U.S.-led U.N. forces crossed the 38th parallel and
entered North Korea. In November China proved their threat
to enter the war by sending several hundred thousand troops
over the border into North Korea. 

1951 The Western Hills Hotel in Fort Worth, TX, became the
first hotel to feature all foam-rubber mattresses and
pillows. 

1963 U.S. President Kennedy signed a nuclear test ban treaty
with Britain and the Soviet Union. 

1968 The Motion Picture Association of America adopted the
film-rating system that ranged for "G" to "X." 

1981 The Egyptian parliament, after the assassination of
Anwar Sadat, named Vice President Hosni Mubarak the next
president of Egypt. 

1982 A record was set when 147,000,000 shares were exchanged
on the New York Stock Exchange. 

1985 The United States announced that it would no longer
automatically comply with World Court decisions. 

1989 In Budapest, Hungary's Communist Party renounced
Marxism in favor of democratic socialism. 

1993 U.S. President Clinton sent more troops, heavy armor,
and naval firepower to Somalia. 

1994 U.S. President Clinton dispatched an aircraft carrier
to the Persian Gulf when Iraqi troops were spotted moving
toward Kuwait. The U.S. Army was also put on alert. 

1998 The U.S. government filed an antitrust suit that
alleged Visa and MasterCard inhibit competition by
preventing banks from offering other cards. 

1999 American Home Products Corp. agreed to pay up to $4.83
billion to settle claims that the fen-phen diet drug caused
dangerous problems with heart valves. 

2000 Vojislav Kostunica took the oath of office as
Yugoslavia's first popularly elected president. 

2001 Barry Bonds (San Francisco Giants) hit his 73rd home
run of the season and set a new major league record. 

2001 The U.S. and Great Britain began airstrikes in
Afghanistan in response to that state's support of terrorism
and Osama bin Laden. The act was the first military action
taken in response to the terrorist attacks on the U.S. on
September 11, 2001. 

2003 In California, Arnold Schwarzenegger was elected
governor in the recall election of Governor Gray Davis. 

2017  smiled.


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How to change desktop theme in Windows 10 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, October 6
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Bimbo malfunction wanted to reject book gift to 
students from First Lady Melania Trump.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 6 in
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the
Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area
that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but none of them ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective All Truth passes through Three Stages: First, it is ridiculed... Second, it is Violently Opposed... Third, it is Accepted as being Self-Evident. -- Arthur Schopenhauer ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this legend: Millions of years ago, there was no such thing as the wheel. One day, some primitive guys were watching their wives drag a dead mastodon to the food-preparation area. It was exhausting work; the guys were getting tired just WATCHING. Then they noticed some large, smooth, rounded boulders, and they had an idea: They could sit on the boulders and watch! This was the first in a series of breakthroughs that ultimately led to the invention of the television. The smaller rocks tossed at the women to spur them on soon became known as remotes! _____________________________________________________ Also from Dianne: While at a marine-supply store stocking up on equipment for my boat, I also purchased an inflatable life preserver. "It was my wife's idea," I explained to the grizzled salesman at the counter. "She's buying it for me as a gift." "Lucky you," he said as he started to write up the order. "My wife got me a length of chain and a cement block." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Barry for this story: Age vs. Priorities As we age, our priorities change. The other day Bob, age 57, came home and was greeted by his wife, dressed only in very sexy underwear and holding a couple of short velvet ropes. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So, Bob tied her up and went golfing. ______________________________________________________ Leaving before the tornado gets there _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Liz Phipps Soeiro Cambridgeport Massachusetts Bimbo malfunction wanted to reject book gift to students from First Lady Melania Trump. CAMBRIDGE (CBS) The librarian at the Cambridgeport Elementary School is saying no thanks to a shipment of books from First Lady Melania Trump. One school from each state was chosen by the White House to receive ten Dr. Seuss books as part of National Read a Book Day. Getting an education is perhaps the most important and wondrous opportunity of your young lives, Mrs. Trump said in a letter to the children who will be receiving books. The school's librarian, Liz Phipps Soeiro, wrote a lengthy editorial for the Horn Book's Family Reading blog explaining why her school does not need the books. My students have access to a school library with over nine thousand volumes and a librarian with a graduate degree in library science. Multiple studies show that schools with professionally staffed libraries improve student performance, wrote Phipps Soeiro. The librarian's editorial also criticizes the First Lady's book selections, which include The Cat in the Hat; One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Blue Fish; The Foot Book; Green Eggs and Ham; and Oh, the Places You'll Go! You may not be aware of this, but Dr. Seuss is a bit of a cliché, a tired and worn ambassador for children's literature. As First Lady of the United States, you have an incredible platform with world-class resources at your fingertips. The pimply bimbo malfunction in her hysterical and hostile criticism of the First Lady totally missed the point, that Dr Zeus books are for learning to read and learning to love reading, and have absolutely nothing to do with political indoctrination. Most likely the books had been chosen by a panel of teachers to be the most suitable ones for kids, who are just learning to read, and were just bought and delivered by the First Lady. Eventually, the Cambridge School system says the opinions in the editorial do not represent the district and released a statement, which says in part: In this instance, the employee was not authorized to accept or reject donated books on behalf of the school or school district. We have counseled the employee on all relevant policies, including the policy against public resources being used for political purposes. Dr Zeus books are an absolutely necessary part of education, because quotes from them are more frequently used than quotes from Shakespeare`s works. Everybody assumes that everybody else has also read the Dr Zeus books or had them read to them as kids. Using them as an excuse to howl about the First Lady should be cause for firing, but in Massawhosits it`s just a sign of another hysterical Hilarite. Personally, I think the kindergartners or first class kids, who receive the books from the gorgeous First Lady, will treasure them for life. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda Re: Desktop Themes Dear Webby, First let me say thanks for all the tips, jokes and of course those outrageously cool pics you send daily. Is there a site out there anywhere that you can download free desktop themes without installing a ton of garbage? I'm especially interested in movie and holiday themes. I am stuck with Windoze10 :( Thanks in advance for your help. Keep it coming! Rhonda Dear Rhonda ANY, absolutely ANY jpg or gif or bmp picture will work. Yes, even animated pictures! For example, look at this: http://www.newportharbor.us/computerworks.htm Save the tile from that to where you keep your desktops: http://www.newportharbor.us/images/computerworks.gif Select the Start Start symbol button, then select Settings > Personalization to choose a picture worthy of gracing your desktop background, and to change the accent color for Start, the taskbar, and other items. The preview window gives you a sneak peek of your changes as you make them. In Background, select a picture or solid color, or create a slideshow of pictures. For an example of a desktop that is not tiled, save this picture of one of my dad's cacti: http://dawna.com/PAPA6/16.jpg Do the same as in the first example, except toggle the mode to STRETCH. Any picture you save from the net, or any picture you scan and save as a jpg or gif file, or even any screen shot of a spreadsheet or word processor that you save as a jpg file, will work just fine. You can even make a "Boss Screen". Bring up your typical work, spreadsheet or word processor. Hit ALT Printscreen. That copies that screen into the clipboard. Open a graphics program, and hit CTRL V. That opens a picture showing your spreadsheet. Save that as Boss.jpg, and use that file for your desktop background. Now, whenever you have to go get more coffee and donuts, or you see the boss approaching, hit Windows key and D. Your games and Farmville and Facebook will diappear, showing the desktop, and the spreadsheet you copied. It appears you are busy, but nobody can mess with the picture of the spreadsheet. When the coast is clear, you hit the Windows key adn D again, and instantly Farmville and Facebook are open again. Have FUN! DearWebby

"So," the woman asked the detective she had hired, "did you trail my husband?" "Yes ma'am. I did. I followed him to a bar, to an out of the way restaurant and then to an apartment." A big smile crossed the woman's face,"Aha!! Then I've got him!" she said, gloating. "Is there any doubt what he was doing?" "No ma'am." replied the sleuth, " It's pretty clear that he was following you and taking pictures for his web site."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Repairing a Lopsided Luggage Wheel By attosa [428 Posts, 2,376 Comments] My husband and I were browsing around for luggage for our holiday, but we were on a severe budget. We came across a free piece of luggage! The issue was it had a wheel with a huge chunk taken out of it, so when you'd pull it, it would bounce up and down and make a thunking sound. Annoying! But not annoying enough for us to let it go to waste. Here's how to fix a lopsided rubber or plastic wheel using a product called Plast-aid. Total Time: 30 minutes Link: Plast-aid site Supplies: Plast-aid lopsided wheel, cleaned and dried sanding tool Steps: Make sure you're in a well-ventilated area. Sand lopsided area of the wheel down a bit and dust off. Mix the Plast-aid components together until they have the consistency of thick cream. Apply and form to shape of the wheel. Keep molding, you'll notice it will keep getting harder. Let dry at least 15 minutes. Take the sander again and get rid of all the rigid Plast-aid edges until a smooth wheel forms. Push the wheel around to make sure there are no thumps. If there are, mark its thumping point and sand it down a bit more. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
1961 Novelty song My Boomerang Won't Come Back
____________________________________________________ The hit-and-run victim was just getting to his feet when a policeman ran up to help. "My mother-in-law just tried to run me over!" the shaken man told the cop. "The car hit you from behind," the officer said. "How could you tell it was your mother-in-law?" "I recognized her evil laugh!" __________________________________________________
Celebrating a little boy's first pair of trousers.
___________________________________________________ The country doctor was just returning from a delivery at an outlying cattle ranch, when he crossed paths with the town's gossip at the gas station. "Doctor Wilson, how is the Smith baby?" "Well, the child was born without a penis," the doctor said. "Oh, oh my goodness!" said the gossip... and with a smile on her face, she turned to rush into town to spread the news. Turning to the gas station attendant, Doc Wilson smirked: "but in about 20 years or so, she will have a nice place to harbor one!"
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Dianne for this report: A taxpayer received a strongly worded "second notice" that his taxes were overdue. Hastening to the collector's office, he paid his bill, saying apologetically, that he had overlooked the first notice. "Oh," confided the collector with a smile, "we don't send out first notices. We have found that the second notices are more effective." ____________________________________________________ From Aletta Just to let you know. I loved your tip for changing the font size. I use it everywhere now, including my word processing programs. Just so you know (as if you didn't!), it works with Word and WordPerfect, too, and not just the browser pages. I really love your newsletter, it's helpful, funny, and often thought provoking. Thanks again! Aletta

Today, October 6, in 
1683 The first Mennonites arrived in America aboard the
Concord. The German and Dutch families settled in an area
that is now a neighborhood in Philadelphia, PA. 

1848 The steamboat SS California left New York Harbor for
San Francisco via Cape Horn. The steamboat service arrived
on February 28, 1849. The trip took 4 months and 21 days. 

1857 The American Chess Congress held their first national
chess tournament in New York City. 

1863 The first Turkish bath was opened in Brooklyn, NY, by
Dr. Charles Shepard. 

1866 The Reno Brothers pulled the first train robbery in
America near Seymour, IN. The got away with $10,000. 

1880 The National League kicked the Cincinnati Reds out for
selling beer. 

1884 The Naval War College was established in Newport, RI. 

1889 In Paris, the Moulin Rouge opened its doors to the
public for the first time. 

1889 The Kinescope was exhibited by Thomas Edison. He had
patented the moving picture machine in 1887. 

1890 Polygamy was outlawed by the Mormon Church. 

1927 "The Jazz Singer" opened in New York starring Al
Jolson. The film was based on the short story "The Day of
Atonement" by Sampson Raphaelson. 

1928 War-torn China was reunited under the Nationalist
leader Chiang Kai-Shek. 

1937 "Hobby Lobby" debuted on CBS radio. 

1939 Adolf Hitler denied any intention to wage war against
Britain and France in an address to Reichstag. 

1948 "Summer and Smoke" by Tennessee Williams opened on
Broadway. 

1949 U.S. president Harry Truman signed the Mutual Defense
Assistance Act. The act provided $1.3 billion in the form of
military aid to NATO countries. 

1954 E.L. Lyon became the first male nurse for the U.S.
Army. 

1961 U.S. president John F. Kennedy advised American
families to build or buy bomb shelters to protect them in
the event of a nuclear exchange with the Soviet Union. 

1962 Robert Goulet began the role of Sir Lancelot in
"Camelot". 

1973 Egypt and Syria attacked Israel in an attempt to win
back territory that had been lost in the third Arab-Israel
war. Support for Israel led to a devastating oil embargo
against many nations including the U.S. and Great Britain on
October 17, 1973. The war lasted 2 weeks. 

1979 Pope John Paul II became the first pontiff to visit the
White House. 

1991 Elizabeth Taylor married Larry Fortensky. The ceremony
was held at Michael Jackson's estate near Los Angeles, CA.
It was Taylor's 8th marriage and Fortensky's 3rd. 


2017  smiled.


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Camera monitor black when used outside 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Thursday, October 5

Thank you very much, Chubs!!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida dope dealer charged after he 
installed cameras, recording his dealings
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 5 in
2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the
entire state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa
area. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ If we don't succeed, we run the risk of failure. --- attributed to Dan Quayle I didn't really say everything I said. --- Yogi Berra (1925 ) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Mary's mother asked her, "What did Father say when he found out that you're pregnant?" Mary said, "Should I leave out the profanity?" "Yes, of course!" her mom said. Mary said, "Well, then he didn't say anything." _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this Q&A: Question: When is a retiree's bedtime? Answer: Three hours after he falls asleep on the couch. Question: How many retirees does it take to change a light bulb? Answer: Only one, but it might take all day. Question: What's the biggest gripe of retirees? Answer: There is not enough time to get everything done. Question: Why don't retirees mind being called Seniors? Answer: The term comes with a 10% percent discount. Question: Among retirees what is considered formal attire? Answer: Tied shoes Question: Why do retirees count pennies? Answers: They are the only ones who have the time. Question: What is the common term for someone who enjoys work and refuses to retire? Answer: NUTS! Question: Why are retirees so slow to clean out the basement, attic or garage? Answer: They know that as soon as they do, one of their adult kids will want to store stuff there. Question: What do retirees call a long lunch? Answer: Normal. Question: What is the best way to describe retirement? Answers: The never ending Coffee Break. Question: What's the biggest advantage of going back to school as a retiree? Answer: If you cut classes, no one calls your parents. Question: Why does a retiree often say he doesn't miss work, but misses the people he used to work with? Answer: He is too polite to tell the whole truth. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jackie for this story: A man approached the minister at his church..."Reverend," he said, "We have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What can I do?" "I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hat pin with you. I can see when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and will motion to you. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg with the hat pin. In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said nodding to Mr. Jones. "Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp hat pin. "Yes! You are correct,! Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply. Mrs. Jones then turned and glared angrily at her husband. Soon, Mrs. Jones again nodded off. The minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?" he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones. "My God!" Howled Mrs Jones as she was stuck again with the pin. "Right again!" Bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face. Mrs. Jones again gave her husband a real hard threatening glare. Before long, though, she again nodded off. This time however, the minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to sharply poke his wife with the hat pin again. The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?" Mrs. Jones jumped up and shouted, "You stick that thing in me one more time ... I'll break it in half and shove it where the sun don't shine!" "Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation ______________________________________________________ Mt Fuji from the ocean _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Juan Dejesus Cabral, 26, Julie Rembert, 20, Stuart, Florida Florida dope dealer charged after he installed cameras, recording his dealings Juan Dejesus Cabral, 26, who was arrested about 9:30 a.m. Thursday and charged with possession of cocaine, possession of Hydromorphone and possession of drug paraphernalia, found that out the hard way. Martin County sheriff's deputies were pleasantly surprised when they found six cameras throughout Cabral's Southeast Norfolk Street home in Stuart, according to a Facebook post from the Sheriff's Office. "If you purchased or sold drugs at a home on Southeast Norfolk Street in Stuart, you may soon be selected for a future booking photo," the post read. Cabral's girlfriend, Julie Rembert, 20, also was arrested and charged with possession of cocaine, according to an arrest affidavit. According to the report, Cabral installed the cameras because he was afraid of being robbed. SWAT and narcotics detectives found the cameras after an early morning search of the home in the 80 block of Norfolk Street, according to the report. One camera was pointed directly at a shed used to store drugs, according to the social media post. Deputies found about 4 grams of crack cocaine in the shed, though Cabral told investigators he didn't know it was there, according to the report. Detectives are going through footage to identify customers, according to the post. A search warrant was issued for the security system Thursday, according to the report. Detectives watched footage of Cabral going to the shed where the drugs were found and reaching to the area where the drugs were stored, according to the report. Detectives also watched footage of a few other drug sales, according to the report. Cabral and Rembert were taken to the Martin County Jail at about noon Thursday, but both were released on bail by Friday morning. Cabral's bail was $20,500, and Rembert's was $5,000. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Nancy Re: Camera Screen Goes Dark Dear Webby, My digital camera screen goes dark or does not work in daylight outside, but works fine inside the house. Is there a setting for outside, to make it brighter? Nancy Dear Nancy Read the manual for that camera. Many cameras nowadays have a brightness adjustment for the monitor. Other than that, it's not the camera, it's your eyes that adjust to the bright light outside. Compared to that, the screen appears black. You can get cheap, or expensive, glare shield funnels, or make one, but they are very klutzy and bulky. Professional fotographers have used a black cape to flip over the head and the camera for 200 years. They are still the best solution if your camera does not have a true through the lens optical viewfinder in addition to the screen. You don't need a lined velvet cape like the old time photographers needed. The thinnest black silk you can find is best, so that you can fold it up small and stick it into one of those film containers that clip onto the camera strap. Any small box, just large enough to hold the folded up cape, will do. Just glue a loop of a short piece of ribbon onto it, so that you can thread the camera strap through that loop. While you are at it, make a spare. People WILL try to borrow or buy it from you. Have FUN! DearWebby

Several women were visiting an elderly friend who was ill. After awhile, they rose to leave and told her; "We will keep you in our prayers." "Just wash the dishes in the kitchen," the ailing woman said, "I can do my own praying."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Potatoes Potatoes should be stored in cool, dark place at about 40F. If potatoes get too warm, they will sprout and if they get too cold, they will get sweet. If potatoes are stored at below 40F, simply let them warm up at room temperature for a few days and their normal flavor will return. Do not allow potatoes to freeze. Potatoes should be stored in a bin or a bag that is at least a few inches off the ground but not piled more than 18 inches deep. If stored in a the right conditions, potatoes can be stored for months. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com This may or may not be superstition, but where I grew up in the mountains of Austria, the ``potato cellar in every house had to have open, uncovered ground. We had a cncrete walkway, but under the shelves there was the dirt floor. The potatoes were in wooden bins on 2x4s at the bottom of all the shelves. Apples were one tier higher, and in the corner were the Sauerkraut barrels. We had potatoes till after the biggest ones were cut up in spring and used to start the next crop. We never ran out of potatoes, though in summer mom occasionally "stole" a few handfuls by digging in with her bare hands and grabbing young ones for a potato salad. There probably IS something to the old ways of having open, "breathing" ground in the potato cellar. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Can we autocorrect humanity?
____________________________________________________ Subject: THE VALUE OF UNDIES Be careful what you wear (or don't wear), when working under your vehicle, especially in public. From the Sydney Morning Herald - Australia comes this story: A west central couple who drove their car to the store only to have their car break down in the parking lot.The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car there in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was idly standing by. The mechanic, however, required three stitches in his head. __________________________________________________
Artist transforms fallen redwood into a giant octopus.
___________________________________________________ During a friendly argument, Jim asked his wife why she married him in the first place. "I was just stupid," she teased. When he said he was happy to hear that, she was surprised and requested an explanation. "Well, people get divorced all the time because they fall out of love," he said. "But I've never heard of anybody falling out of stupid."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The police recently busted a man selling ' secret formula' tablets he claimed gave eternal youth. When going through their files they noticed it was the seventh time he was caught for committing this same criminal medical fraud. He had earlier been arrested for the same thing in 1572, 1649, 1794, 1856, 1928 and 1983. ____________________________________________________ From Rose Dear Webby Thank you, it worked. Rose From Margee Thank you so very much for the "French" quotes! Absolutely hilarious (and some of them from such a long time ago, too). - Margee :)

Today, October 5, in 
1813 Chief Tecumseh of the Shawnee Indians was killed at the
Battle of Thames when American forces defeated the British
and the allied Indian warriors. 

1877 Chief Joseph of the Nez Perce Indians surrendered to
the U.S. Army after a 1,000-mile retreat towards the
Canadian border. 

1919 Enzo Ferrari debuted in his first race. He later
founded the Auto Avio Construzioni Ferrari, an independent
manufacturing company. 

1930 Laura Ingalls became the first woman to make a
transcontinental airplane flight. 

1930 "The Fighting Priest" began airing on CBS radio. 

1931 Clyde Pangborn and Hugh Herndon landed in Washington
after flying non-stop across the Pacific Ocean. The flight
originated in Japan and took about 41 hours. 

1937 U.S. President Roosevelt called for a "quarantine" of
aggressor nations. 

1955 The play "The Diary of Anne Frank" opened at the Cort
Theatre in New York. 

1969 A Cuban defector landed a Soviet-made MiG-17 at
Homestead Air Force Base in Florida. The plane entered U.S.
air space and landed without being detected. 

1969 "Monty Python's Flying Circus" debuted on BBC
television. 

1970 Anwar Sadat took office as President of Egypt replacing
Gamal Abdel Nassar. Sadat was assassinated in 1981. 

1974 American David Kunst completed the first journey around
the world on foot. It took four years and 21 pairs of shoes.
He crossed four continents and walked 14,450 miles. 

1985 An Egyptian policeman went on a shooting rampage at a
Sinai beach. Seven Israeli tourists were killed. The
policeman died in prison the following January of an
apparent suicide. 

1986 Sandinista soldiers captured American Eugene Hasenfus
after shooting him down over southern Nicaragua. 

1989 The Dalai Lama (Lhama Dhondrub, Tenzin Gyatso) was
named the winner of the Nobel Peace Prize for his nonviolent
campaign to end the Chinese domination of Tibet. Gyatso was
the 15th Dalai Lama. 

1990 The Glasgow Royal Concert Hall opened. 

1991 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced that
his country would cut its nuclear arsenal in response to the
arms reduction that was initiated by U.S. President George
Bush. 

1993 China set off an underground nuclear explosion. 

1995 A 60-day cease-fire was agreed upon by Bosnian
combatants. The civil war had lasted 3 1/2 years. 

1997 In London, the Express Newspapers printed an article
claiming that Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman were homosexual
and that their marriage was a sham to cover the truth. The
paper paid damages in a settlement on October 29, 1998. 

1998 The U.S. paid $60 million for Russia's research time on
the international space station to keep the cash-strapped
Russian space agency afloat. 

1999 MCI Worldcom Inc. and Sprint Corp. announced plans to
merge. 

2006 Walmart rolled out its $4 generic drug program to the
entire state of Florida after a successful test in the Tampa
area. 

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, October 4

Beautiful full moon out on the crunchy snow.
The surface melted a bit in the afternoon and got 
crispy crunchy when it cooled off in the evening.
The wind died down, so walking is actually quite
nice. 

The deer and the cougars are coming down into the 
valley and seem quite nervous about the noisy snow.
When I get close, they freeze and watch until I am
past them, then they break and run.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man fights deputies at Publix, 
is brought down by stun gun
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 4 in
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible 
was printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A nation is a society united by delusions about its ancestry and by common hatred of its neighbors. ---- William Ralph Inge (1860 1954) The ultimate result of shielding men from the effects of folly is to fill the world with fools. ---- Herbert Spencer (1820 1903) An angler is a man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers, doing nothing, because his wife won't let him do it at home. ---- Socratex People with courage and character always seem sinister to the rest. ---- Hermann Hesse Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies. ---- Woody Allen ------- Now, if the Senate got organized,... ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A farmer named Muldoon lived alone in the countryside with a pet dog which he loved and doted on. After many long years of companionship, the dog finally died so Muldoon went to the parish priest:"Father, my dear old dog is dead. Could you be saying a mass for the creature?" Father Patrick replied, "I am so very sorry to hear about your dog's death. But, unfortunately we cannot have services for an animal in the church. However, there's a new denomination down the road, no telling what they believe, but maybe they'll do something for the animal." Muldoon said, "I'll go right now. Do you think $5000 is enough to donate for the service?" Father Patrick: "Why didn't you tell me the dog was Catholic?!" _____________________________________________________ Once there was a golfer whose drive landed on an anthill. Rather than move the ball, he decided to hit it where it lay. He gave a mighty swing. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants exploded from the spot. Everything but the golf ball. It sat in the same spot. So he lined up and tried another shot. Clouds of dirt and sand and ants went flying again. The golf ball didn't even wiggle. Two ants survived. One dazed ant said to the other, "Whoa! What are we going to do?" Said the other ant: "I don't know about you, but I'm going to get onto the ball!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new set of Woods. The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used them for the first time - more than half expecting he'd come in and demand his money back. But the next time he came in, he was all smiles. "They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said. "In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 10 yards farther than I could my last ones." ______________________________________________________ 36,000 feet, somewhere over Australia _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Bryan J. Walter, 21, Palm Beach Gardens, Florida Florida man fights deputies at Publix, is brought down by stun gun A Palm Beach Gardens man allegedly started an altercation with a Publix Super Market store manager, then fought with Palm Beach County sheriff’s deputies when they attempted to handcuff him, according to an arrest report. Bryan J. Walter, 21, is facing charges of assault on an officer, battery, resisting an officer with violence and simple assault. He was being held early Thursday at the Palm Beach County Jail in lieu of $3,000 bail. Deputies were called to the Publix at The Crossroads at Royal Palm Beach shopping center, at Royal Palm Beach and Okeechobee boulevards, and witnessed Walters yelling at the store manager about an inch apart from the man’s face, the report said. A deputy wrote in the report that he pushed Walter away because it appeared he was about to hit the store manager. Walter reacted by positioning his body as if he were going to fight the deputy, the report said. Told to stay back, Walter allegedly continued to advance toward the deputy. After being taken to the ground, Walter attempted to punch the deputy. A dart fired from a stun gun was used to immobilize and handcuff Walter, the report said. Records show that Walter was tased by a West Palm Beach police officer on June 2 and charged with misdemeanor battery. Walter allegedly pushed to the ground two employees of a West Palm Beach business and threatened an officer while stating he was carrying a gun. He was not. Walter was placed in a pretrial diversion program on Aug. 18 and ordered to perform community service and enroll in an anger-management class. After his latest arrest, Walter was ordered not to have any contact with Publix supermarkets. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Fonts too big Dear Webby, Lately my page ( everything on the page has been bigger then usually, is there a way I can make it smaller? Thank your for your advise. Rose Dear Rose Hold down the CTRL key, and turn the scroll wheel on your mouse. Depending on which way you roll the wheel, the fonts and pictures will zoom larger or smaller. Have FUN! DearWebby

Upon arriving home, a husband was met at the door by his sobbing wife. Tearfully, she explained, "It's the druggist. He insulted me terribly this morning on the phone. "Immediately the husband drove downtown to confront the druggist and demand an apology. Before he could say more than a word or two, the druggist told him, "Now, just a minute, listen to my side of it. This morning the alarm failed to go off, so I was late getting up. I went without breakfast and hurried out to the car, just to realize that I locked the house with both house and car keys inside. I had to break a window to get my keys. Then, driving a little too fast, I got a speeding ticket. Later, when I was about three blocks from the store, I had a flat tire. When I finally got to the store there was a bunch of people waiting for me to open up. I got the store opened and started waiting on these people, and all the time the darn phone was ringing off the hook." He continued, "Then I had to break a roll of nickels against the cash register drawer to make change, and they spilled all over the floor. I got down on my hands and knees to pick up the nickels; the phone was still ringing non-stop. When I came up I cracked my head on the open cash drawer which made me stagger back against a showcase with a bunch of expensive perfume bottles on it. Half of them hit the floor and broke. Meanwhile, the phone is still ringing with no let up, and I finally got back to answer it. It was your wife. She wanted to know how to use a rectal thermometer. And believe me Mister, as God is my witness, all I did was tell her!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Storing Lettuce Store lettuce with a paper towel and it will last longer. The paper towel will absorb moisture. If you are storing lettuce in a container, line the bottom of the container with a layer of paper towels. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Can we autocorrect humanity?
____________________________________________________ A handyman was working for a Synagogue had asked for a raise and was turned down. He decided to quit and went out to look for work. First he went to a Catholic church and was told that in order to work there, he would have to answer one question. The priest asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Pittsburgh", and was thrown out. He then went to a Baptist church. The minister told him that in order to get a job there he would have to answer a question. He was asked, "Where was Jesus born"? The man answered, "Philadelphia". He was tossed out. Walking away he met the rabbi who was looking for him. The rabbi exclaimed, "The board approved your raise. Please come back immediately". The man said to the rabbi, "I will come back only if you answer a question. "Where was Jesus born"? The rabbi says, "Bethlehem". Cries the man. "I knew it was in Pennsylvania!". __________________________________________________
The forgotten tree house bars of bygone summers in Paris.
___________________________________________________ France, with an unmeployment rate nearly as bad as it was in the US at the end of the Clinton era, is making the news with major labor unrest, demonstrations, and just enough colorful car burnings and minor looting to attract the news media. The only noticeable reaction to that in the US was that every comedian dug out all the old quotes and jokes about the French. Thanks to Sandie for sending me the best ones: "France has neither winter, nor summer, nor morals. Apart from these drawbacks, it is a fine country. It has usually been governed by prostitutes." --- Mark Twain ------------------------------ "I would rather have a German division in front of me than a French one behind me." --- General George S. Patton ------------------------------ "Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion." --- General Norman Schwartzkopf ------------------------------ "We can stand here like the French, or we can do something about it." --- Marge Simpson ------------------------------ "As far as I'm concerned, war always means failure." --- Jacques Chirac, President of France "As far as France is concerned, you're right." --- Rush Limbaugh ------------------------------ "The only time France wants us to go to war is when the German Army is sitting in Paris sipping coffee." --- Regis Philbin ------------------------------ "You know why the French don't want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates America, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people." --- Conan O'Brien ------------------------------ "I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq. After all, France wouldn't help us get Hitler out of France either." --- Jay Leno ------------------------------ "The last time the French asked for 'more proof' it came marching into Paris under a German flag." --- David Letterman ------------------------------ "What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?" --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "It is important to remember that the French have always been there when they needed us." --- Alan Kent ------------------------------ "Somebody was telling me about the French Army rifle that was being advertised on eBay the other day --- the description was, 'Never shot. Dropped once.'" --- Rep. Roy Blunt, MO ------------------------------ "The French will only agree to go to war when we've proven we've found truffles in Iraq." --- Dennis Miller ------------------------------ "Raise your right hand if you like the French. Raise both hands if you are French." --- Unknown ------------------------------ Q. What did the mayor of Paris say to the German Army as they entered the city in WWII? A. "Table for 10,000, m'sieur?" ------------------------------ "Do you know how many Frenchmen it takes to defend Paris? It's not known, it's never been tried." --- Rep R Blount, MO ------------------------------ "Did you know it only took Germany three days to conquer France in WWII? And that's because it was raining." --- John Xereas, Manager, DC Improv ------------------------------ The AP and UPI reported that the French Government announced after the London bombings that it has raised its terror alert level from Run to hide. The only two higher levels in France are Surrender and Collaborate. The rise in the alert level was precipitated by a recent fire which destroyed France's white flag factory, effectively disabling their military. ------------------------------ French Ban Fireworks at Euro Disney (AP), Paris The French Government announced today that it is imposing a ban on the use of fireworks at Euro Disney The decision comes the day after the nightly fireworks display at the park, located just 30 miles outside of Paris, caused the soldiers at a nearby French Army garrison to surrender to a group of Czech tourists in army surplus camo pants.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Martin for this report: We went to the movie the other night. I sat in an aisle seat as I usually do because it feels a little roomier. Just as the feature was about to start a lady from the center of the row got up and started working her way out. "Excuse me, sorry, oops, excuse me, pardon me, gotta hurry, oops, excuuuuusssseee me." By the time she got to me I was trying to look around her and I was a little impatient so I said, "Couldn't you have done this a little earlier?" "No!!" she said in a loud whisper, "The TURN OFF YOUR CELL PHONE PLEASE message just flashed up on the screen AND MINE IS IN THE CAR!" ____________________________________________________ A guy was sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife walked up behind him and whacked him on the head with a magazine. "What was that for?" he asked. "That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name Laura Lou written on it," she replied. "Two weeks ago when I went to the races, Laura Lou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explained. "Oh honey, I'm sorry," she said. "I should have known there was a good explanation. Three days later he was watching a ballgame on TV when she walked up and hit him in the head again, this time with the iron skillet, which knocked him out cold. When he came to, he asked, "What the heck was that for?" She replied, "Your horse called."

Today, October 4, in 
1535 The first complete English translation of the Bible was
printed in Zurich, Switzerland. 

1648 The first volunteer fire department was established in
New York by Peter Stuyvesant. 

1777 At Germantown, PA, Patriot forces and British forces
both suffer heavy losses in battle. The battle was seen as
British victory, which actually served as a moral boost to
the Americans. 

1881 Edward Leveaux received a patent for the player piano. 

1887 The Paris Herald Tribune was published for the first
time. It was later known as the International Herald
Tribune. 

1893 The first professional football contract was signed by
Grant Dibert for the Pittsburgh AC. 

1895 The first U.S. Open golf tournament took place in
Newport, RI. Horace Rawlins, 19 years old, won the
tournament. 

1909 The first airship race in the U.S. took place in St.
Louis, MO. 

1915 The Dinosaur National Monument was established. The
area covered part of Utah and Colorado. 

1927 The first actual work of carving began on Mount
Rushmore. 

1931 The comic strip "Dick Tracy" made its debut in the
Detroit Daily Mirror. The strip was created by Chester
Gould. 

1933 "Esquire" magazine was published for the first time. 

1940 Adolf Hitler and Benito Mussolini met in the Alps at
Brenner Pass. Hitler was seeking help from Italy to fight
the British, who had declared WWII after Hitler invaded
Poland. 

1948 The Railroad Hour" debuted on ABC radio. 

1957 "Leave it to Beaver" debuted on CBS-TV. 

1957 The Soviet Union launched Sputnik I into orbit around
the Earth. Sputnik was the first manmade satellite to enter
space. Sputnik I fell out of orbit on January 4, 1958. 

1958 British Overseas Airways Corporation became the first
jetliner to offer trans-Atlantic service to passengers with
flights between London, England and New York. 

1965 Pope Paul VI addressed the U.N. General Assembly and
became the first reigning pontiff to visit the Western
Hemisphere. 

1981 Bruce Jenner and Harry Belafonte debuted in their first
dramatic roles in NBC-TV's "Grambling's White Tiger". 

1987 NFL owners used replacement personnel to play games
despite the player's strike. 

1990 The German parliament had its first meeting since
reunification. 

1992 The 16-year civil war in Mozambique ended. 

1993 Russian Vice-President Alexander Rutskoi and Chairman
Ruslan Khasbulatov surrendered to Boris Yeltsin after a ten-
hour tank assault on the Russian White House. The two men
had barricaded themselves in after Yeltsin called for
general elections and dissolved the legislative body. 

1993 Dozens of Somalis dragged an American soldier through
the streets of Mogadishu. A videotape showed Michael Durant
being taken prisoner by Somali militants. 

1994 South African President Nelson Mandela was welcomed to
the White House by U.S. President Clinton. 

1997 Hundreds of thousands of men attended a Promise Keepers
rally on the Mall in Washington, DC. 

1998 The Vincent Van Gogh exhibit opened in Washington, DC.
The exhibit featured 70 paintings. 

1998 Davis Gaines performed as the Phantom in the show
"Phantom of the Opera" for the 2,000th time. 

2001 NATO granted the United States open access to their
airfields and seaports and agreed to deploy ships and early-
warning radar planes in the war on terrorism. 

2001 In Washington, DC, Reagan National Airport re-opened.
The airport had been closed since the terrorist attacks on
the United States on September 11, 2001. 

2004 SpaceShipOne reached an altitude of 368,000 feet. It
was the first privately built, manned rocket ship to fly in
space twice within a two week window. The ship won the
Ansari X Prize of $10 million dollars for their success.

2017  smiled.


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Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, October 3

We had snow storm in the morning and early afternoon.
Then it cleared up, but the icy wind stayed.
Now it is clear with a beautiful nearly full moon,
with the snow and ice crunching noisily underfoot.
Definitely hood-up time, and even that way, not 
cozy in the icy wind. 
Apparently the Gullible Warming has gone to where 
they believe in it.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy 
retired accountant with no violent history
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 3 in
1893 The electric motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented
by J.S. Thurman. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980), ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Heather and Marcy hadn't seen each other in awhile, so they decided to meet for lunch. The talk naturally got around to their respective love lives. Marcy confided that there really wasn't anyone special in her life. Heather, on the other hand, was beaming about the new man she had found. "He's perfect. He's handsome, and last night when we went out to dinner, he said the four little words I've been waiting to hear a man say to me!" "He said 'will you marry me'?" Marcy asked. Heather replied, "No, he said 'We'll use my card`!" _____________________________________________________ From 2006 Thanks to Ed for this interesting tidbit: Subject: ENRON - US PRESIDENT -"BUDDIES" Which AMERICAN President? How Enron Worked the President This is an interesting bit of information that you don't hear much about. A. Enron's chairman did meet with the president and the vice-president in the Oval Office. B. Enron gave $420,000 to the president's party over three years. C. It donated $100,000 to the president's inauguration festivities. D. The Enron chairman stayed at the White House 11 times. E. The corporation had access to the administration at its highest level and even enlisted the Commerce and State Departments to grease deals for it. F. The taxpayer-supported Export-Import Bank subsidized Enron for more than $600 million in just one transaction. BUT... the president under whom all this happened WASN'T George W. Bush. SURPRISE ......... It was was the speaker for Hilary Clinton, some guy namend Bill Clinton ! _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Jerry for this story: Ever mindful of the congregation, the Baptist preacher and his wife decided to get a new dog, and knew that the dog also had to be a Baptist. They visited kennel after kennel and explained their needs. Finally, they found a kennel whose owner assured them he had just the dog they wanted. The owner brought the dog to meet the pastor and his wife. "Fetch the Bible," he commanded. The dog bounded to the bookshelf, scrutinized the books, located the Bible, and brought it to the owner. "Now find Psalm 23," he commanded. The dog dropped the Bible to the floor, and showing marvelous dexterity with his paws, leafed through and finding the correct passage, pointed to it with his paw. The pastor and his wife were very impressed and purchased the dog. That evening, a group of church members came to visit. The pastor and his wife began to show off the dog, having him locate several Bible verses. The visitors were very impressed. One man asked, "Can he do regular dog tricks, too?" "I haven't tried yet," the pastor replied. He pointed his finger at the dog. "HEEL!" the pastor commanded. The dog immediately jumped on a chair, placed one paw on the pastor's forehead and began to howl. The pastor looked at his wife in shock and said, "Good Lord! He's "PENTECOSTAL!" ______________________________________________________ Mitchell Falls, AU _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD AND a DARWIN AWARD has been earned by Stephen Paddock, 64, Mesquite, Nevada Las Vegas monster was a very wealthy retired accountant with no violent history He was divorced, was not known to have children, and was living with a woman in a home in Mesquite. At the time of his rampage, she apparently was in the Phillippines. His father was a bank robber, his brother Eric Paddock said. The FBI lists the late Benjamin Hoskins Paddock as being on the FBI's most-wanted list from June 10, 1969 until May 5, 1977. • The father escaped from prison in 1969 and lived on the run until 1978, when he was arrested in Oregon, the Eugene Register-Guard reported at the time. • Eric Paddock said his father died a few years ago and that "he was never with my mom." Eric said he was born while his father was on the run. • Stephen last communicated with his brother via a text, Eric said, asking about their mother, who'd lost power during Hurricane Irma. Eric also said Stephen spoke to his mother on the phone a week or two ago. Eric Paddock says his brother did not have affiliations with any terror or hate group, and that he doesn't know why his brother would do this. • "He was a wealthy guy playing video poker ... on cruises," his brother said, adding that Stephen could afford anything he wanted and played $100-a-hand poker. • Eric Paddock said his brother owned apartments and houses. • Marilou Danley was identified as Paddock's companion or roommate, Las Vegas Metropolitan Police Sheriff Joseph Lombardo said. • She does not appear to have been involved in the shooting and was in the Philippines when the massacre took place, authorities said. Paddock had been using some of her identification, Lombardo said. • Paddock had been staying at the Mandalay Bay Resort and Casino in Las Vegas since last Thursday. He killed himself in his room on the 32nd-floor before a police SWAT team burst in to ask him what the hell he was doing and why, Lombardo said. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Cookie Re: Address in the TO line Dear Webby, I have a question about email. I always send email from the 'To:' with my own address in there and then all copies to others go in the 'Bcc:' . My question is does there always have to be and address in the 'To:' area, or is it ok to send it with all addresses in the 'Bcc:' and leave the other blank? Would it cause a problem? Thanks for all of your help and humor over the years! I so look forward to your letter apprearing everyday in my email....keep up the great work, and stay healthy and happy. Luv, Cookie Dear Cookie Most email programs require that you have something in the "TO:" line. However, even if you can get away with leaving the "TO:" line blank, that would just make you look like an amateur spammer. Better put some address into the "TO:" line. Have FUN! DearWebby

A Japanese tourist hailed a taxi in downtown Chicago and asked to be taken out to O'Hare Airport. On the way, a car zoomed by and the tourist responded, "Ohhh!!! TOYOTA!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Not too long after, another car flew by the taxi. "Ohh!!! NISSAN!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" Yet another zipped by, "Ohh!!! Mitsubishi!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver, complete 100% American, was starting to get a little miffed that the Japanese made cars were passing his Chevy, when yet another car passed the taxi right as they were turning into the airport. "Ohh!!! Honda!!! Made in Japan!!! Very fast!!!" The taxi driver stopped the car, pointed to the meter, and said, "that'll be $150." "$150? It was so short a ride! Why so much?" "Taxi Meter. Made in Japan. Very fast."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Coffee Grounds In The Garden By coville123 [379 Posts, 441 Comments] The next time you have coffee grounds, dump them in the garden. They will keep slugs and other pests away. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Coffee grounds are NOT fertilizer or compost! Quite the opposite! You might as well use sawdust or gravel. I toss coffee grounds onto the path between rows of raspberries. It really stunts the weeds and grasses! Beats having to mow between the rows. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
animals being cute
____________________________________________________ From Evelyn My husband and I took our two-year-old daughter to the home -improvement store. Madison got tired of walking, so my husband let her ride on his shoulders. As he walked, Madison began pulling his hair. Although he asked her to stop several times, she kept on. Getting annoyed, he scolded, "Madison! Stop that!" "But, Daddy," she replied, "I'm just trying to get my gum back." __________________________________________________
Some awesome photos of this beautiful world.
___________________________________________________ A woman went to a computer dating service and said she didn't care about looks, income or background. All she wanted was a man of upright character. Then a man came in and told them the only thing he was seeking in a woman was intelligence. The computer thought the two of them were a pretty good match.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
An older gent had an appointment to see a urologist who shared an office with several other doctors. The waiting room was filled with patients. The old gentleman approached the receptionist desk. The receptionist was a large imposing woman who looked like a wrestler. He gave her his name. In a very loud voice the receptionist said, "Yes, I see your name here. You want to see the doctor about impotence, right?" The heads of all the patients in the waiting room snapped around, to look at the very embarrassed man. The old gent recovered quickly though, and in an equally loud voice replied, "No, I've come to inquire about a sex change operation... But I don't want the same doctor that klutzed up yours!" ____________________________________________________ From Song Dear Webby, I used to hate getting up and checking the mail, until you finally convinced me to get the MailWasher. I don't know how much mail I lost because I simply deleted everything (except the Humor Letter, of course). Now the mail is civilized again. Thanks Song

Today, October 3, in 
1863 U.S. President Lincoln declared that the last Thursday
of November would be recognized as Thanksgiving Day. 

1893 The motor-driven vacuum cleaner was patented by J.S.
Thurman. 

1901 The Victor Talking Machine Company was incorporated.
After a merger with Radio Corporation of America the company
became RCA-Victor. 

1906 W.T. Grant opened a 25-cent department store. 

1922 Rebecca L. Felton became the first female to hold
office of U.S. Senator. She was appointed by Governor Thomas
W. Hardwick of Georgia to fill a vacancy. 

1929 The Kingdom of Serbs, Croats and Slovenes officially
changed its name to the Kingdom of Yugoslavia. 

1932 Iraq was admitted into the League of Nations leading
Britain to terminate their mandate over the nation. Britain
had ruled Iraq since taking it from Turkey during World War
I. 

1935 Italian forces invaded Abyssinia (now Ethiopia). 

1941 Adolf Hitler stated in a speech that Russia was
"broken" and they "would never rise again." Thanks to the
USA supplying them with arms and ammo, they did.

1942 The Office of Economic Stabilization was established by
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. He also authorized
controls on rents, wages, salaries and farm prices. 

1944 During World War II, U.S. troops broke through the
Siegfried Line. 

1951 CBS-TV aired the first coast-to-coast telecast of a
prizefight. Dave Sands defeated Carl Olson at Soldier Field
in Chicago. 

1952 Britain became the third nuclear power in the world
when they successfully detonated their first atomic bomb.
The U.S. and Russia were the only other nuclear powers. The
US had given Britain the technology so as not to be the only
nuclear power opposed to Russia.

1955 "Captain Kangaroo" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1962 The Sigma VII blasted off from Cape Canaveral for a
nine-hour flight. 

1962 The play, "Stop the World, I Want to Get Off!" opened
on Broadway. 

1974 Frank Robinson took over the management position of the
Cleveland Indians baseball team. He was the first black
manager in major league baseball. 

1981 Irish Nationalists in Maze Prison in Belfast, Northern
Ireland called off their hunger strike. The strike had
lasted 7 months and ten people had died. 

1986 "Tough Guys" was released. It was the first comedy to
feature Burt Lancaster and Kirk Douglas. It was, however,
their seventh movie together. 

1988 The space shuttle Discovery landed safely after its
four-day mission. It was the first American shuttle mission
since the Challenger disaster. 

1989 East Germany suspended unrestricted travel to
Czechoslovakia in an effort to slow the flow of refugees to
the West. 

1990 The Berlin Wall was dismantled eleven months after the
borders between East and West Germany were dissolved. The
unification of Germany ended 45 years of division. 

1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein made a visit to Kuwait
after his country had seized control of the oil-rich nation.


1994 The headquarters of the Haitian pro-army militia was
raided by U.S. soldiers. 

2001 ESPN began its 10th season of National Hockey League
(NHL) coverage. 

2003 Ray Horn, of the duo "Siegfried & Roy," was attacked by
tiger during a performance. Roy survived the attack after
being dragged offstage. The tiger, a 7-year-old male named
Montecore, was debuting in his first show. 

2006 North Korea announced that it would conduct a nuclear
test as a key step in the manufacture of atomic bombs that
it viewed as a deterrent against a U.S. attack. 

2017  smiled.


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Is Ben Via a hypno drivel scam? 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, October 2

We had a terrorist act in Edmonton near the hockey arena. 
The cops got the asshole and put him into protective custody
before the hockey game was over. He would have been road
paint and impossible to interrogate.

While the cops chased him further away from the arena, he
flipped his rented U-Haul. The cops kicked in the windshield
and drug him out by his family jewels. Not sure yet if it
was a K9 officer, a male or a female human officer who drug
him out. Sure made a huge hole in the windshield!
Apparently, after that, he did not resist getting hauled to
the slammer.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident 
was born addicted
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 2 in
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ In the United States there is more space where nobody is than where anybody is. That is what makes America what it is. --- Gertrude Stein (1874 - 1946) People want economy and they will pay any price to get it. --- Lee Iacocca (1924 - ) Very little is known of the Canadian country since it is rarely visited by anyone but the Queen and illiterate sport fishermen. --- P. J. O'Rourke (1947 - ) The gods too are fond of a joke. --- Aristotle I do not fear computers. I fear the lack of them. --- Isaac Asimov (Asimov was the first Science Fiction writer to use a Word Processor. That was in the days when dedicated word processor machines were the ancestors of personal computers.) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Glen for this story: A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the fire station when he notices a little girl next door in a little red wagon with little ladders hung off the sides and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The girl is wearing a fire fighter's helmet. The wagon is being pulled by her dog and her cat. The fire fighter walked over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck" he said with admiration. "Thanks" the little girl said. The fire fighter looks a little closer and notices the girl has tied the wagon to her dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. "Little Partner", the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your rig, but if you were to tie that rope to the cat's collar too, I think you could go faster." The little girl replies thoughtfully, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren" _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Billie for this story: A few years ago I went to visit my brother who was stationed in Germany. I assumed that enough Germans would speak English so that I could at least get around. But I found that many people spoke only their native tongue - including the ticket inspector on the train. He punched my ticket, then chatted cordially for a bit, making gestures like a windmill. I just nodded from time to time to show him that I was interested. When he had gone, an American woman soldier in the compartment leaned forward and asked if I spoke German. "No," I confessed. "Then that explains," she said, "why you didn't bat an eyelid when he told you that you were on the wrong train, going in the wrong direction." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Although he was a qualified meteorologist, Hopkins ran up a terrible record of forecasting for the TV news program. He became something of a local joke when a newspaper began keeping a record of his predictions and showed that he'd been wrong almost three hundred times in a single year. That kind of notoriety was enough to get him fired. He moved to another part of the country and applied for a similar job. One blank on the job application called for the reason for leaving his previous position. Hopkins wrote, "The climate didn't agree with me." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Larry Lee Wolting, Jr., Victoria Swift, 25, Muskegon, Michigan Naked, dirty baby found in crane incident was born addicted Before he first used a forklift to wreak havoc inside an abandoned factory and then commandeered a large construction crane, a father high on meth left his naked, screaming baby in mud and dirt. That's according to a petition seeking removal of the 2- month-old baby girl from Larry Lee Wolting Jr., who faces multiple felony charges following the bizarre incident in Muskegon on Monday. The baby also had amphetamines in her system, the petition states. Wolting told authorities that "he forgot he had (the baby) with him," according to the petition Child Protective Services filed Sept. 26 in Muskegon County Circuit Court. An emergency removal was approved by the judge. The petition details the eight-week-old baby girl's sad start to life. She was born with a serious addiction to methadone and amphetamines to a mother who had shot up heroin during her pregnancy and had lost her rights to four previous children. The mother, Victoria Swift, 25, is on probation for a June 29 larceny conviction, according to the Michigan Department of Corrections web site. Wolting, a sex offender, has multiple felony convictions and, according to the petition, was extremely high on meth and hospitalized after Monday morning's incident. The baby also tested positive for amphetamines and was taken to DeVos Children's Hospital in Grand Rapids for treatment, according to Muskegon County Chief Assistant Prosecutor Timothy Maat. "Dr. Buchanan (at Mercy Health's Hackley Campus) reported that his readings were so high that Larry needed to stay in the hospital to be aggressively treated as meth causes the breakdown of muscles and kidneys," the CPS petition states. Wolting was released from the hospital and arraigned Thursday in Muskegon County District Court on multiple charges. They include second degree child abuse causing serious physical or mental harm, breaking and entering a building with intent to destroy its contents, malicious destruction of property more than $1,000 but less than $20,000, and operating while intoxicated by crystal meth, Maat said. Police were called to the area of Roberts Street and Barney Avenue at 6:55 a.m. Sept. 25. There, they found Wolting sitting in the cab of a large Erickson's construction crane that he had taken from the former Esco plant and driven to a UPS facility across the street, Maat said. He had used the crane to drive over a fence and across Roberts Street, taking down a power line and hitting a light post, according to court records. It was an employee working at the chemical plant that found the baby, Maat said. "(The infant) was found lying face down underneath a chair in the (Esco) factory," the CPS petition states. "The floor was described as extremely dirty and full of mud from an open water valve. (The baby) was completely naked and covered in dirt. (She) was found crying profusely with scrapes on her knees and had a slightly bleeding toe. "Larry stated that he forgot he had (the baby) with him." It was discovered that before he commandeered the crane outside of Esco, Wolting had been inside the plant where he allegedly used a forklift to cause "lots of damage" to the contents, Maat said. Wolting apparently had been involved in the care of the baby, though he had "released" his parental rights to a then 12-year-old girl in 2014. In 2002, he had pleaded guilty to attempted third degree criminal sexual conduct with a person between the ages of 13 and 15, and is listed on Michigan's Sex Offender Registry. CPS reported it had "explored substance abuse counseling, Early On and assisted with household needs for Larry Wolting." It also had "explored" placing the baby with relatives. The baby was born July 26, 2017, and the petition states that since July 29, Swift, the infant's mother, never returned to the hospital to visit her drug-addicted baby. When she was 22 weeks pregnant, Swift had sought medical treatment for pain due to an abscess on her left arm, the petition states. She admitted to intravenous heroin use, the petition says. After that and while still pregnant, Swift tested positive on multiple occasions for various drugs, including marijuana, and amphetamines. She admitted following the child's birth she had been taking Adderall, a type of amphetamine, that had not been prescribed to her and receiving methadone treatment, the petition states. The baby tested positive for amphetamines and methadone when she was born, and because of her "high" neonatal withdrawal level was placed on morphine, the petition states. "The withdrawal symptoms (the baby) was experiencing included tremors, shaking, tightness and vomiting after eating," according to the petition. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Marylin Re: Hypno-drivel Dear Webby, you once told me that if something is advertised with an hour of hypno-drivel, then it is most likely a useless or way overpriced scam. Does that also apply to Ben Via Gold Chia? It certainly is advertised with godawfylly long hypno- drivel, but it does sound like there may be some benefits to it. What is your opinion? Marylin Dear Marylin It's total BS. Sure, chia seeds are prety good for you, especially the Mexican ones. Ben Via uses the much cheaper Bolivian seeds, that probably don't have the metals and minerals that the Mexican ones have, and instead of selling them in bags or bulk, they sell them in ridiculously expensive pill bottles. Chia seeds are definitely NOT a miracle for losing weight. They are just a nutritious seed with some good minerals and antioxidants and Omega3 fats in them. Like Buckwheat. If you can handle nuts, go ahead and try them. You can get them at the Bulk Barn, Amazon, and even Costco. Costco has bags of QUIA Superfood, which is a mix of Chia, Hemp seed, and some other reasonably healthy seeds. Some joggers claim that QUIA is essential for their performance, just like their $275 running shoes. There may be something to it, but so far it has not been clinically proven. I have tried a bit of QUIA once. It tastes OK, kind of nutty, and would probably go fine on oatmeal or with a zesty yoghurt, or even sprinkled onto a salad, but I sure would never pay the ridiculous prices listed for Ben Via Gold, which is just Bolivian chia and nothing else. Have FUN! DearWebby

While a friend and I were visiting Annapolis, we noticed several students on their hands and knees assessing the courtyard with pencils and clipboards in hand. "What are they doing?" I asked our tour guide. "Each year," he replied with a grin, "The upperclassmen ask the freshmen how many bricks it took to finish paving this courtyard." When we were out of earshot of the freshmen, my friend asked our guide: "So what's the answer?" The guide replied: "One."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Simple Buttercream Recipe This simple buttercream recipe is perfect for icing your cakes and decorating them. Note: This recipe makes a stiff consistency buttercream icing. For decorating, you will need to thin it down so that it is soft enough to go through your decorating tips. Instructions for thinning it down are below. Ingredients: 1 cup solid white vegetable shortening or butter 1 tsp. clear vanilla flavor 2 Tbsp. water or milk, room temperature 1 lb. confectioners' sugar (approx. 4 cups) 1 Tbsp. meringue powder (Wilton sells this) pinch of salt (optional) Directions: Cream shortening, vanilla, and water together in a mixer. Combine meringue powder, salt, and confectioners' sugar in a large bowl. With mixer at medium speed, begin adding confectioners' sugar mixture, 1 cup at a time. Once sugar is thoroughly mixed in, add another cup until all ingredients are combined. Blend approximately 1 more minute until creamy. Yields: 3 cups Icing Consistency: Stiff Consistency: flowers with upright petals, such as roses Medium Consistency: Add 1 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing dam for layered cakes stars flowers with petals that lay flat piping figures, such as faces or animals basketweaves borders (shells, etc.) Thin Consistency: Add 2 tsp. water per cup of stiff icing. icing your cakes writing vines leaves Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
If Y-E-S spells "yes" what does E-Y-E-S spell?
____________________________________________________ This was a story told to us by our chemistry professor at school. A female student wished to make some potassium hydroxide solution (aqueous) and decided to throw a large lump of potassium into a bucket of water. Her professor observed what she was about to do, out of the corner of his eye and hurried towards her, and after confirming this was indeed what she was intending to do, asked her first to stir the water in the bucket for five minutes before adding the potassium. She was puzzled and ran after him to ask the purpose of this action. 'It will give me time to get far enough away' said the professor. __________________________________________________
These 18 dead people have been so well preserved they will scare you silly!
___________________________________________________ A New York City yuppie moved to the country and bought a piece of land. He went to the local feed and livestock store and talked to the proprietor about how he was going to take up chicken farming. He then asked to buy 100 chicks. "That's a lot of chicks," commented the proprietor. "I mean business," the city slicker replied. A week later the yuppie was back again. "I need another 100 chicks," he said. "Boy, you are serious about this chicken farming," the man told him. "Yeah," the yuppie replied. "If I can iron out a few problems." "Problems?" asked the proprietor. "Yeah," replied the yuppie, "I think I planted that last batch too close together."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
A troop of Boy Scouts was being used as "guinea pigs" in a test of emergency systems. A mock earthquake was staged, and the Scouts impersonated wounded persons who were to be picked up and cared for by the emergency units. One Scout was supposed to lie on the ground and await his rescuers, but the first-aid people got behind schedule, and the Scout lay "wounded" for several hours. When the first-aid squad arrived where the casualty was supposed to be, they found nothing but a brief note: "Have bled to death and gone to McDonalds to warm up and refill." ____________________________________________________ >From Chuck I'm glad you are back, I missed you while you were gone. Thanks for the smiles in the morning, a nice way to start the day. Chuck

Today, October 2, in 
1492 King Henry VII of England invaded France. 

1780 British army major John Andre was hanged as a spy. He
was carrying information about the actions of Benedict
Arnold. 

1835 The first battle of the Texas Revolution took place
near the Guadalupe River when American settlers defeated a
Mexican cavalry unit. 

1836 Charles Darwin returned to England after 5 years of
acquiring knowledge around the world about fauna, flora,
wildlife and geology. He used the information to develop his
"theory of evolution" which he unveiled in his 1859 book
entitled The Origin of Species by Means of Natural
Selection. 

1870 Rome was made the capital of Italy. 

1876 The Agricultural and Mechanical College of Texas
opened. It was the state's first venture into public higher
education. The school was formally dedicated 2 days later by
Texas Gov. Richard Coke. 

1920 The Cincinnati Reds and the Pittsburgh Pirates played
the only triple-header in baseball history. The Reds won 2
of the 3 games. 

1924 The Geneva Protocol adopted the League of Nations. 

1925 Scottish inventor John Logie Baird completed the first
transmission of moving images. 

1937 Warner Bros. released "Love Is on the Air." Ronald
Reagan made his acting debut in the motion picture. He was
26 years old. 

1941 Operation Typhoon was launched by Nazi Germany. The
plan was an all-out offensive against Moscow. 

1944 The Nazis crushed the Warsaw Uprising. 

1947 The Federatino Internationale de l'Automobile (FIA)
formally established Formula One racing in Grand Prix
competition. 

1948 The first automobile race to use asphalt, cement and
dirt roads took place in Watkins Glen in New York. It was
the first road race in the U.S. following World War II. 

1950 "Peanuts," the comic strip created by Charles M.
Schulz, was published for the first time in seven
newspapers. 

1958 Guinea, the French colony in West Africa, proclaimed
its independence. Sekou Toure was the first president of the
Republic of Guinea. 

1962 U.S. ports were closed to nations that allowed their
ships to carry arms to Cuba, ships that had docked in a
socialist country were prohibited from docking in the United
States during that voyage, and the transport of U.S. goods
was banned on ships owned by companies that traded with
Cuba. 

1967 Thurgood Marshall was sworn in. He was the first
African-American member of the U.S. Supreme Court. 

1988 Pakistan's Supreme Court ordered free elections. 

1989 In Leipzig, East Germany, a protest took place
demanding the legalization of opposition groups and the
adoption of democratic reforms. 

1990 The Allies ceded their rights to areas they occupied in
Germany. 

1993 Opponents of Russian President Boris Yeltsin fought
police and set up burning barricades. 

1998 Hawaii sued petroleum companies, claiming state drivers
were overcharged by about $73 million a year in price-
fixing. 

1998 About 10,000 Turkish soldiers crossed into northern
Iraq and attacked Kurdish rebels. 

2001 NATO, for the first time, invoked a treaty clause that
stated that an attack on one member is an attack on all
members. The act was in response to the September 11, 2001,
terrorist attacks in the United States. 

2017  smiled.


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Phony PDF from the bank 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, October 1

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault 
after climbing naked into bed of host's 
7-year-old daughter 
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Oct 1 in
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The income tax has made more liars out of the American people than golf has. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) There is one thing more exasperating than a wife who can cook and won't, and that's a wife who can't cook and will. --- Robert Frost Well, Robert, you know where the stove is. Quitcherbitchen and start cooking! ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A man looked at the menu at the airport restaurant, and saw that the sandwiches were named for planes. "I'll have a 'jumbo jet,'" he said. When the order arrived, he was disappointed to see how small his burger was, but he ate it anyway. He called his waiter over. "Was that the 'jumbo jet?'" he asked. "Yeah," the waiter answered. "Went pretty fast, didn't it?" _____________________________________________________ A man was sitting at a bar enjoying an after-work cocktail when an exceptionally gorgeous and sexy young woman entered. She was so striking that the man could not take his eyes away from her. The young woman noticed his overly-attentive stare and walked directly towards him. Before he could offer his apologies for being so rude, the young woman said to him, "I'll do anything, absolutely anything that you want me to do, no matter how kinky, for $100 on one condition." Flabbergasted, the man asked what the condition was. The young woman replied, "You have to tell me what you want me to do in just three words." The man considered her proposition for a moment, withdrew his wallet from his pocket and slowly counted out five $20 bills, which he pressed into the young woman's hand. He looked into her eyes & slowly, meaningfully said, "Paint... my... house." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ A young boy came to Sunday School late one day. His teacher knew that he was usually very prompt and asked him if anything was wrong. The boy said, "No, there is nothing wrong. I was just going to go fishing, but my dad told me that I needed to go to church." The teacher was very impressed and asked the boy if his dad had explained to him why it was more important to go to church than to go fishing. The boy replied, "Yes he did, Dad said he didn't have enough bait for both of us." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Derrick Kinchen, Minnetonka, Minnesota Airbnb guest charged with sexual assault after climbing naked into bed of host's 7-year-old daughter An Airbnb guest was arrested after a Minnesota host found the man naked in bed with his young daughter. The homeowner, who was not identified, called police Sunday night to report that Derrick Aaron Kinchen had allegedly tried to sexually assault his 7-year-old daughter. According to KARE, a criminal complaint states that Kinchen was renting a room in the family's Minnetonka home for a wedding. The homeowner said Kinchen, 28, returned to the residence late Sunday night and at some point entered the parents' bedroom, where the little girl was sleeping, and climbed into the bed. The host said when he noticed the lights were on in the master bedroom he went to investigate and found Kinchen naked next to the girl. The host allegedly told authorities that his daughter's nightgown had been pulled up. The homeowner said he started yelling and Kinchen grabbed his suit jacket, wallet and ran from the house. Kinchen was found hiding in a neighbor's fishing boat. He was hospitalized after being bitten by a police K-9. The little girl was taken to Children's Hospital for an evaluation. According to investigators, she said she woke up when Kinchen entered her parents' bedroom. The girl said Kinchen allegedly whispered something to her and then got in the bed. The criminal complaint states that Kinchen pulled the child's underwear down but she pulled them back up, KARE reports. Airbnb spokesman Benjamin Breit told the Daily News that all guest and hosts are screened "globally against regulatory, terrorist, and sanctions watch lists." Guests and hosts in the U.S. are also checked for sex offender registrations, felony convictions and significant misdemeanors. "The reported abhorrent behavior has no place on Airbnb and we will not tolerate it. We are focused on providing our host family with our full support, we are working with the local police to ensure they have our assistance and we banned this user from our community," he said. "Keeping our community safe is the most important thing we do. None of our hosts should ever have to deal with anything like this." Kinchen was charged with criminal sexual assault and is being held on $250,000 bail. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: PDF from Royal Bank Dear Webby, I got this email from the Royal bank: You Have One Security Message From RBC Online Services Center. You will need to open the attached PDF document to proceed. Your attachments are saved to your computer in the default download location set by your browser. That sounds kinda fishy to me. Luckily I got MailWasher and just read the safe preview without letting it download anything to my machine. What do you say? Angel Dear Angel Dump it. That is just a scam carrying a viorus or worse. The Royal bank does not mail out PDF files. They tell you to log in and read your messages. Actually, I think most banks do the same. Just dump it. Don't waste time replying and telling them where to stuff it, since they just forged the sending address anyway. Just be glad you got MailWasher! Otherwise that evil PDF would have automatically downloaded onto your machine. Anybody else, check your download directory and dump any and all PDF files in there, unless you KNOW for sure they are legit. I doubt very much that you find any legit ones, that you still need. If you are not sure, dump them. Have FUN! DearWebby

A young man goes to the pet store, looks around, sees a dog he likes somewhat, and asks the manager for help. "I like this breed, but this one's legs are too short" he says to the clerk. And the clerk says, "What do you mean, 'Too short'? They reach the floor, don't they?"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Napa Cabbage Stir Fry Recipe Napa cabbage is the original Chinese cabbage with crinkled, long leaves. By 15mhhm15 [259 Posts, 749 Comments] Prep Time: 30 minutes Cook Time: 20 minutes Total Time: 40 minutes Yield: 4 people Ingredients: 4 lb napa cabbage 2 tomatoes 1/2 white onions 1 lb shrimp Few Slices ginger 1 Head garlic 12 pieces mushrooms 3 Tbsp olive oil 1/2 tsp salt dash pepper 2 tsp oyster sauce Steps: Prep ingredients. Wash napa cabbage and cut into smaller pieces of your choice. Slice tomatoes, white onions, mince garlic, peel garlic (optional leave whole if you like a lot of garlic). Slice mushrooms. Wash shrimp and cut into smaller pieces or leave whole. In a large sauce pan, on high heat add 1 tablespoon olive oil and the garlic for a few minutes. Add napa cabbage until cooked. Then add tomatoes and salt. Turn off heat and set aside. In another pan on high heat, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and lightly caramelize white onions. Then add the shrimp and stir around until cooked. Add minced ginger and cook for a few more minutes until shrimp is fully cooked. In a small pot, add 1 tablespoon olive oil and sliced mushrooms. Stir around for a couple minutes and add oyster sauce. Now put all pans in one, combine together and its ready to serve. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you don't like shrimp, just add a sliced pepperoni stick and instead of oyster sauce use a TBSP salsa. The recicpe is very flexible and any experiment will turn out just fine. If you shred the Chinese cabbage, add a heaping TBSP of leftover mashed potatoes or instant mashed potatoes, a bit of milk or water, and two or three eggs, mix well and form into patties and fry them in oil or butter, you get a really fantastic treat. My mom used to make those Chinese Cabbage patties. There were no shrimps in the mountains. She used bits of farmer sausage instead. Those patties and a zesty potato salad were always a meal to look forward to. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Rick K and the All-Nighters WipeOut
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Darlene for this story: Some time back, my cousin, Steve moved to a new apartment. Steve had a business commitment out of town that weekend and so I and my three brothers all chipped in to help his wife move the furniture. The new apartment was on the third floor. We hauled everything up the three flights of stairs and around the tight corner through the kitchen put them where they belonged. Finally, we came to the large couch. After hauling it up three flights to the top of the stairs, we discovered it would not go around the corner through the kitchen. We took it back out into the hall and turned it and tried again. It still wouldn't fit. Finally all of us boosted the couch from the back of the truck up the side of the building. From the third floor, we passed the couch up and over the railing of the tiny balcony and in through the sliding doors into the living room. We all collapsed on the couch to catch our breath and made a pact that we would not tell Steve how we got the couch into the apartment. "The next time he moves," we conspired, "he will have to figure out how to get the couch out of there on his own. It will be our little secret. He will have to take a saw to it!" As luck would have it, Steve found a place he liked better about three months later. It really was a busy weekend at work, and none of us were available to help move. We waited eagerly to hear from Steve but there was nothing. Finally, after several days of waiting, I asked Steve, "So, did you get everything moved OK?" "Sure," he replied. "Did you run into any problems?" "No." "Now, wait a minute, we had to drag the couch up the outside of the building and haul it over the railing! How did you get it out of the living room? It didn't fit through the kitchen!" Steve looked at me with total disbelief and said, "Geez, you idiots! The legs unscrew!" __________________________________________________
Highlights from the 2017 Nat Geo Nature Photographer of the Year Contest
___________________________________________________ Thanks to Kathie for bringing back this classic: He didn't like the casserole And he didn't like my cake. He said my biscuits were too hard, Not like his mother used to make. I didn't perk the coffee right He didn't like the stew, I didn't mend his socks The way his mother used to do. I pondered for an answer I was looking for a clue. Then I turned around and smacked him Like his mother used to do.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
Thanks to Sandie for this story: Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother, "Why is the bride dressed in white?" Well, the mother did not really want to get into a deep discussion about innocence and virginity, especially since this was the fourth wedding of the bride, so she fibbed: "Because white is the color of happiness, and today is one of the happiest days of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then said, "Mom, why is the groom wearing black?" ____________________________________________________ From Nora Thanks for all the laughs!!!!It makes EVERYDAY a little easier when you can laugh!!!! I really enjoy the jokes!!! THANKS for putting a smile on my face!!!! NORA

Today, October 1, in 
1569 The Duke of Norfolk was imprisoned by Britain's Queen
Elizabeth for trying to marry Mary the Queen of Scots. 

1800 Spain ceded the territory of Louisiana back to France.
Later the property would be purchased by the U.S.
effectively doubling its size. 

1880 Thomas Edison began the commercial production of
electric lamps at Edison Lamp Works in Menlo Park. 

1885 Special delivery mail service began in the United
States. The first routes were in West Virginia. 

1890 The U.S. Congress passed the McKinley Tariff Act. The
act raised tariffs to a record level. 

1896 Rural Free Delivery was established by the U.S. Post
Office. 

1903 The first modern World Series took place between the
Boston Pilgrims and the Pittsburgh Pirates. 

1908 The Model T automobile was introduced by Henry Ford.
The purchase price of the car was $850. 

1918 Damascus was captured from the Turks during World War I
by a force made up of British and Arab forces. 

1936 General Francisco Franco was proclaimed the head of the
Spanish state. 

1938 German forces re-enter Czechoslovakia and seized
control of the German speaking Sudetenland. The Munich Pact
had been signed two days before. 

1940 The Pennsylvania Turnpike opened as the first toll
superhighway in the United States. 

1943 Naples was captured by the Allied forces during World
War II. 

1946 The International War Crimes Tribunal in Nuremberg
sentenced 12 Nazi officials to death. Seven others were
sentenced to prison terms and 3 were acquitted. 

1946 The first baseball play-off game for a league
championship was played. The St. Louis Cardinals defeated
the Brooklyn Dodgers, 4-2. 

1949 Mao Tse-tung raised the first flag of the People's
Republic of China when the communist forces had defeated the
Nationalists. The Nationalist forces fled to Taiwan. 

1962 Johnny Carson began hosting the "Tonight" show on NBC-
TV. He stayed with the show for 29 years. Jack Paar was the
previous host. 

1964 The Free Speech Movement was started at the University
of California at Berkeley. 

1968 "Night of the Living Dead" premiered in Pittsburgh, PA.


1971 Walt Disney World opened in Orlando, FL. 

1972 The Chinese government approved friendly relations with
the United States. 

1979 The United States handed control of the Canal Zone over
to Panama. 

1980 Robert Redford became the first male to appear alone on
the cover of "Ladies' Home Journal." He was the only male to
achieve this in 97 years. 

1982 EPCOT (Experimental Prototype Community of Tomorrow)
Center opened in Florida. The concept was planned by Walt
Disney. 

1984 U.S. Labor Secretary Raymond Donovan announced that he
was taking a leave of absence following his indictment on
charges of larceny and fraud. He was later acquitted. 

1985 The PLO's headquarters in Tunisia was raided by Israeli
jet fighters. 

1988 Mikhail Gorbachev assumed the Soviet presidency. 

1989 The authorized Charles Schulz biography, Good Grief,
was published. 

1989 7,000 East Germans were welcomed into West Germany
after they were allowed to leave by the communist
government. 

1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush addressed the U.N.
General Assembly and once again condemned Iraq's takeover of
Kuwait. 

1990 In Croatia, minority Serbs proclaimed autonomy. 

1991 U.S. President Bush condemned the military coup in
Haiti that removed President Jean-Bertrand Aristide from
power. U.S. economic and military aid was suspended. 

1991 The U.S. trust territory of Palau became independent. 

1992 The Strategic Arm Reduction Treaty was approved by the
U.S. Senate. 

1994 The U.S. and Japan avoided a trade war by reaching a
series of trade agreements. 

1994 The National Hockey League (NHL) team owners began a
lockout of the players that lasted 103 days. 

1995 Sheik Omar Abdel-Rahman and nine other defendants were
convicted in New York of conspiring to attack the U.S.
through bombings, kidnappings and assassinations. 

1996 Lucent Technologies became an independent company. 

1998 The U.S. government posted a $2.2 million reward for
the capture of Augustin Vasquez Mendoza. He is accused of
killing an undercover U.S. agent during a drug purchase in
1994. 

1999 The 50th anniversary of the founding of the Peoples
Republic of China was celebrated in Beijing. 

2001 San Francisco's Board of Supervisors voted unanimously
to ban Internet filters designed to keep pornography away
from children at city libraries. The board left the decision
up to the Library Commission to decide whether to install
filtering software in children's areas. A federal law in the
U.S. mandated the use of the filters. 

2009 In the United Arab Emirates, the exterior construction
of the Burj Khalifa skyscraper was completed. 

2017  smiled.


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Site with all manuals 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Wednesday, September 27

Today, after I send out the Wednesday issue, 
I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
That means nothing will be sent out Thursday, Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I will be back.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man charged with impersonating deputy, 
stealing patrol car
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 27 in
1825 George Stephenson operated the first American 
steam locomotive that hauled a passenger train.  
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Millions long for immortality who don't know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon. --- Susan Ertz Everything is funny as long as it is happening to Somebody Else. --- Will Rogers Two wrongs don't make a right, but they make a good excuse. --- Thomas Szasz When everyone is against you, it means that you are absolutely wrong-- or absolutely right. --- Albert Guinon ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: It was a warm fall morning, and my husband decided to come home from work early to paint our deck. Before I left the house, I located all the necessary supplies and wrote him a note: "I put the paint in the closet downstairs. The brush is on the garage shelf." When I returned that evening, nothing had been done. My husband had left this written explanation: "I found the paint and the brush. Couldn't find the deck. Went fishing." _____________________________________________________ From Susan When I was 29 or so, I was teaching English in a high school where occasionally the faculty and staff were allowed to dress down. One of those days I donned a sweatshirt and slacks. A student came in, and his eyes widened. "Wow!" he exclaimed. "You should wear clothes like that every day. You look, like, twenty years younger. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Ed for the ALZHEIMERS EYE TEST NOTE=>Count first...after reading the EYE TEST... before scrolling down. Count every "F " in the following text: ---- FINISHED FILES ARE THE RE SULT OF YEARS OF SCIENTI FIC STUDY COMBINED WITH THE EXPERIENCE OF YEARS... (SEE BELOW) ---- HOW MANY ? ...................... 3? ***************************** WRONG, THERE ARE 6 -- no joke. READ IT AGAIN ! Really, go Back and Try to find the 6 F's before you scroll down. The reasoning is: An "OF" (Old Fogey) brain cannot process "OF". Incredible or what? Go back and look again!! Anyone who counts all 6 "F's" on the first try, is not an Old Fogey. ______________________________________________________ Mark-Alls are FUN! She is going to be a make-up artist when she grows up! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Isael Lima, 18, Belleview, Florida Florida man charged with impersonating deputy, stealing patrol car A Florida man is facing several charges after he stole a deputy's uniform and patrol car and impersonated him while he was out of town, according to Marion County deputies. Detectives were called to investigate a burglary at a Marion County deputy's home Sept. 24. Deputy Yoandy Miranda told deputies that he left town for a couple of days and when he got home, he noticed someone had entered his locked bedroom. He said someone was also inside his patrol car, but nothing was stolen from the home or car. A day earlier, Belleview police officers were called to a disturbance at a convenience store. Belleview officers say they spoke with a man in a MCSO deputy uniform who identified himself as an off-duty deputy. Isael Lima, 18, introduced himself to MCSO Sgt. Bobby Levay as "Deputy Miranda" and said he witnessed a physical disturbance between two people at the gas station and asked for BPD's assistance, according to police. Levay said he was not personally familiar with Miranda and did not realize Lima was impersonating a deputy at that time. The next day, Miranda contacted Levay to let him know about the possible burglary to his home and car. Levay realized that the "Deputy Miranda" he met the previous day was not the real Deputy Miranda. Using footage from the BPD officer's body camera, detectives and Miranda identified the person at the gas station as Miranda's nephew Lima. Lima lives with Miranda and admitted to breaking into Miranda's room and stealing his uniform and issued equipment while he was away, deputies said. Lima told detectives that he initially put on the uniform and drove to his girlfriend's home because he wanted to impress her. He said he stole Miranda's patrol car, dressed in his MCSO uniform and conducted a traffic stop on a vehicle. Lima told detectives that he picked up a friend who rode with him in the patrol car and that his friend recorded video of the traffic stop. That video was obtained by MCSO detectives. Lima also admitted to impersonating Miranda at the convenience store in Belleview with BPD officers, deputies said. Lima was arrested and charged with grand theft of a motor vehicle, grand theft of a firearm, openly carrying prohibited weapon, theft of law enforcement equipment from an emergency vehicle, burglary of a conveyance, armed burglary of a dwelling, impersonating a law enforcement official, and giving a false name to a law enforcement officer. "I don't think this man realized the danger he put himself in by trying to impersonate a deputy sheriff," Chief Deputy Robert Douglas said. "Our deputies undergo extensive, ongoing training to be able to do their job safely. Ensuring public safety and trust are our priorities and this is why we take this type of crime so seriously." _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Ross Re: Site with manuals Dear Webby, Is this a scam or what ? Manuals Ross Dear Ross They are quite legit. Donations go to 4humanrights.org, the organization trying to help people in Belarussia achieve democracy. As you may have read, they live in a very tightly controlled dictatorship and getting funds is extremely difficult for them. Have FUN! DearWebby

The passenger sat in the backseat, clutching the door handle and wondering if she could expect to survive the trip. The cabdriver sped through the crowded streets,weaving in and out of traffic. The passenger watched as one pedestrian after another ran to avoid being run down by her lunatic driver. She looked ahead and saw a truck double-parked on the narrow street,but not only did the taxi driver fail to slow down, he actually accelerated as he approached the truck. He slipped his cab through the available space with an inch or two to spare on either side. "Driver!" the passenger screamed,"Are you trying to get us both killed?" "Relax,lady," he said, "just do what I do. Close your eyes."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cauliflower Pudding By Judy [368 Posts, 4,486 Comments] Prep Time: 20 minutes Cook Time: 1 hour Total Time: 1 hour and 20 minutes Yield: 6 Source: Nursery School Cookbook Ingredients: 1 large head of cauliflower, cut into florets 1 cup onions, chopped oil 2 eggs 1/4 tsp salt 4 Tbsp butter or margarine, melted 4 Tbsp seasoned bread crumbs Steps: Steam or microwave the cauliflower until tender, but not mushy. Drain the cauliflower and mash it up with a fork. Sauté the onions until translucent. Mix all the ingredients together in a large bowl. Transfer to an 8-inch square or round pan. Bake for an hour at 400 degrees F. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Unless you are a fanatic vegetarian, you can saute a handful of cubed farmer sausage with the onions and really crank up the flavor! Your cauliflour casserole will become a weekly staple. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
Rick K and the All-Nighters WipeOut
____________________________________________________ A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of goods totaling a great deal of money. The distributor, noticing that the previous bill hadn't been paid, instructed the collections manager to contact the customer. The collections manager made the call and left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't ship your new order until you pay for the last one." The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call from the customer who said, "Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long." __________________________________________________
What a fun idea! An art project for train passengers.
___________________________________________________ President Calvin Coolidge, 30th U.S. president (1923 to 1929) was a man of very few words. One Sunday he went to church, but his wife, Grace, stayed home. When he returned, she asked, "Was the sermon good?" "Yup," was Coolidge's brief reply. "What was it about?" Grace asked. "Sin." "And what did the minister say?" "Seems to be against it."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
The little girl was sitting in her grandfather's lap as he read her a goodnight story. From time to time, she would take her eyes off the book and reach up to touch his wrinkled cheek. She was alternately stroking her own cheek and his. Finally she spoke. "Granddaddy, did God make you?" "Yes, sweetheart" he answered, "God made me a long time ago." "Oh" she said, then "Granddaddy, did God make me too?" "Yes, indeed honey" he assured her. "God made you just a little while ago." "Oh" she said. Feeling their respective faces again, she observed, "God's getting better at it now isn't he?" ____________________________________________________ From Carl I love your daily letter. It is the best on the net. Todays column was exceptionally good. Love the world's simplest test and the joke about the nuns a while ago was just over the top. I actually have a joke file on my hard drive. I've been saving jokes for years. Most of them are from your column. Maybe I'll be a standup comic after retirement...... Carl

Today, Sept 27, in 
1779 John Adams was elected to negotiate with the British
over the American Revolutionary War peace terms. 

1825 George Stephenson operated the first American steam
locomotive that hauled a passenger train. 

1894 The Aqueduct Race Track opened in New York City, NY. 

1928 The U.S. announced that it would recognize the
Nationalist Chinese Government. 

1938 The League of Nations branded the Japanese as
aggressors in China. 

1939 After 19 days of token resistance, Warsaw, Poland,
surrendered to the Germans after being invaded by the Nazis
and the Soviet Union during World War II. 

1940 The Berlin-Rome-Tokyo Axis was set up. The military and
economic pact was for 10 years between Germany, Italy and
Japan. 

1962 The U.S. sold Hawk anti-aircraft missiles to Israel. 

1968 The U.K.'s entry into the European Common Market was
barred by France. 

1970 "The Original Amateur Hour" aired for the last time on
CBS. It had been on television for 22 years. 

1973 U.S. Vice President Spiro Agnew said he would not
resign after he pled "no contest" to a charge of tax
evasion. He did resign on October 10th. 

1982 Italian and French soldiers entered the Sabra and
Chatilla refugee camps in Beirut. The move was made by the
members of a multinational force due to hundreds of
Palestinians being massacred by Christian militiamen. 

1989 Columbia Pictures Entertainment agreed to buyout Sony
Corporation for $3.4 billion. 

1989 Two men went over the 176-foot-high Niagara Falls in a
barrel. Jeffrey Petkovich and Peter Debernardi were the
first to ever survive the Horshoe Falls. 

1990 The deposed emir of Kuwait addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and denounced the "rape, destruction and terror"
that Iraq had inflicted upon his country. 

1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush eliminated all land-
based tactical nuclear arms and removed all short-range
nuclear arms from ships and submarines around the world.
Bush then called on the Soviet Union to do the same. 

1994 More than 350 Republican congressional candidates
signed the Contract with America. It was a 10-point platform
they pledged to enact if voters sent a GOP majority to the
House. 

2004 North Korean Vice Foreign Minister Choe Su Hon
announced that North Korea had turned plutonium from 8,000
spent nuclear fuel rods into nuclear weapons. He also said
that the weapons were to serve as a deterrent against
increasing U.S. nuclear threats and to prevent nuclear war
in northeast Asia. The U.S. State Department noted that the
U.S. has repeatedly said that the U.S. has no plans to
attack North Korea. 

2017  smiled.


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Multiple spam controls 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Tuesday, September 26

Tomorrow, after I send out the Wednesday issue, 
I have to go for injections into my eyeballs again.
That means nothing will be sent out Thursday, Friday or
Saturday. Sunday I will be back.

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested after killing tenant
during eviction dispute
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 26 in
1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new. --- Henry David Thoreau (1817 - 1862) I don't care what is written about me so long as it isn't true. --- Dorothy Parker ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "you said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo." _____________________________________________________ An airline pilot with poor eyesight managed to pass his periodic vision exams by memorizing the eye charts beforehand. One year, though, his doctor used a new chart that the pilot had never before seen. The pilot proceeded to recite the old chart and the doctor realized that he'd been suckered all these years. Then the doctor could not contain his curiosity. "How is it that someone with your eyesight can manage to pilot a plane at all? I mean, how for example do you taxi the plane out to the runway?" "Well," said the pilot, "it's really not very hard. All you have to do is follow the instructions of the ground controller over the radio. And besides, the landmarks have all become quite familiar to me over the years." "I can understand that," replied the doctor. "But what about the take-off?" "Again, a simple procedure. I just aim the plane down the runway, go to full throttle, pull back on the stick, and off we go!" "But once you're aloft?" "Oh, everything's fully automated these days. The flight computer knows our destination, and all I have to do is hit the auto-pilot and the plane pretty much flies itself." "But I still don't see how you land!" "Oh, that's the easiest part of all. All I do is use the airport's radio beacon to get us on the proper glide path. Then I just throttle down and wait for the co-pilot to yell, 'AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!', then I pull the nose up, and the plane lands just fine!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Father Murphy was playing golf with a parishioner. On the first hole, he sliced into the rough. His opponent heard him mutter "Hoover!" under his breath. On the second hole, the ball went straight into a water hazard. "Hoover!" again, a little louder this time. On the third hole, a miracle occured and Fr. Murphy's drive landed on the green only six inches from the hole! "Praise be to God!" He carefully lined up the putt, but the ball curved around the hole instead of going in. "HOOVER!!!!" By this time, his opponent couldn't withhold his curiosity any longer, and asked why the priest said "Hoover". "It's the biggest dam I know." ______________________________________________________ Off to supper! _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ryan Wilder, 32, Duck Key, Florida Florida man arrested after killing tenant during eviction dispute Ryan Wilder was in a Florida Keys jail Saturday, accused of killing his parents' tenant in Duck Key. Monroe County Sheriff's Office deputies said Wilder, 32, was evicting Kenneth Palicki and Colleen Lyons from his parents' property at 162 North Indies Drive when the shooting happened Friday evening. Wilder was removing their things when Palicki, 47, got home and told Lyons, 25, to call the police. During the 911 call, Lyons said Wilder shot Palicki several times. "Lyons then saw Wilder walk out to his truck, gun still in his hand, and get in," sheriff's spokeswoman Becky Herrin said. "She gave dispatchers a description of the truck and its direction of travel as Wilder drove away." Sgt. Joel Slough stopped Wilder and arrested him. Palicki was taken to Fisherman's Hospital in Marathon, where doctors pronounced him dead. He had four gunshot wounds to his left forearm, mid-back and upper thigh. Palicki and Lyons had received an eviction notice requiring them to leave the house by Aug. 23. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Helen Re: Multiple Spam Controls Dear Webby, First, kudos to your forever refreshing Humor Letter. Your willingness to help with technical advice is more valuable than you can imagine to folks who need help and don't know where where to turn. I see many people raving about Mail Washer. I have Norton installed on my computer, which already has a spam filter. Can I use them both without any problem? Thanks, Webby! You're the best! Helen Dear Helen It's best to use just one spam control program at a time. As long as Norton takes care of the spam well enough, use that. When it gets too hard to tune it or is overwhelmed and can't quite cope with all the spam any more, then turn it's spam control off and get MailWasher. If you have two of them running, then you never know which one has done what. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Bill: After four years of separation, my wife and I finally divorced amicably. I wanted to date again, but I had no idea of how to start, so I decided to look in the personals column of the local newspaper. After reading through all the listings, I circled three that seemed possible in terms of age and interest, but I put off calling them. Two days later, there was a message on my answering machine from my ex-wife. "I came over to your house to borrow some tools today and saw the ads you circled in the paper. Don't call the one in the second column. That's me, and the last one you circled, that`s mom."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Painted Halloween Jars These are scarecrow and pumpkin decorated electric tealight holders. They could also be made as decorative treat jars Materials recycled jar and lid spray paint (see instructions for colors) raffia, flowers, and other decorative elements, as desired clear sealer (optional) electric tea light Instructions Wash and dry a jar of any size. Remove labels. Spray paint jar and lid (flesh, beige for Scarecrow, terracotta or orange for pumpkin). Allow to dry. Glue lid (inside facing upward) to top of jar (I used E- 6000). If you desire to use these as treat jars, do not glue lid to top of jar. Decorate face as desired using paint pens or craft paint. Spray lightly with a clear sealer to keep paint from scratching. For scarecrow, glue raffia around brim of hat, trim for bangs. To make hat, decorate a straw hat with artificial flowers, buttons and ribbon to your liking. I painted a wooden triangle to resemble a crow! Attach hat to lid (I again used E-6000). Place electric tealight on lid. Because of the raffia and straw hat this is extremely FLAMMABLE, I recommend using an electric tea light instead of a regular candle. Made in a variety of shapes and sizes, these look adorable on a mantle or porch. And can be used year after year! By Diana, Louisville, KY Editor's Note: This project should never be used with a traditional candle flame, it is very flammable. Only battery operated tealights or other non-flame candle substites should be used. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
For pacious guys
____________________________________________________ Things you don't want to hear at a Tattoo Parlor ~ "Eagle? I thought you said BEAGLE." ~ "We're all out of red, so I used pink." ~ "There are 2 Os in Bob, right?" ~ "Sorry, Ma'am, your chest will only hold the bottle dinghy." ~ "That call was for you. Hope you meet someone else named Tahiti Bob." ~ "Gosh, I hate it when I get the hiccups." ~ "Anything else you want to say? You've got plenty of room back here." ~ "I'll bet you can't tell I've never done this before." ~ "The flag's all done and, you know, the folds of fat make a nice waving effect." ~ "Oops ... " __________________________________________________
Funny Seattle gas station sign.
___________________________________________________ A young woman decides to try horseback riding, even though she has had no lessons or prior experience. She mounts the horse unassisted, and the horse immediately springs into action. As it gallops along at a steady and rhythmic pace, she begins to slip from the saddle. In terror, she grabs for the horse's mane, but cannot get a firm grip. She tries to throw her arms around the horse's neck, but she slides down the side of the horse anyway! The horse gallops along, seemingly oblivious of its slipping rider. Finally, losing her frail grip, she attempts to leap away from the horse and throw herself to safety. Unfortunately, her foot becomes entangled in the stirrup, and she is now at the mercy of the horse's pounding hooves as her head is struck against the ground over and over and over. As her head is battered against the ground and she is mere moments away from unconsciousness, to her great fortune, Frank the Walmart greeter, sees her and unplugs the horse.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
from Martin, the world's easiest Quiz: 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? 2) Which country makes Panama hats? 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after which animal? 7) What was King George VI's first name? 8) What color is a purple finch? 9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from? 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? All done? Check your answers below! ____________________________________________________ Dear Webby, I really do appreciate that you select your humor so carefully. It is never mean or derogatory, and you never have Blonde or lawyer jokes. I am a blonde lawyer and sick and tired of being the butt of most jokes everywhere else. Yours are refreshingly upbeat and clean. Thanks! Irene ____________________________________________________ ANSWERS TO THE QUIZ: 1) How long did the Hundred Years War last? Answer: 116 years 2) Which country makes Panama hats? Answer: Ecuador 3) From which animal do we get cat gut? Answer: Sheep and Horses 4) In which month do Russians celebrate the October Revolution? Answer: In November 5) What is a camel's hair brush made of? Answer: Squirrel fur 6) The Canary Islands in the Pacific are named after what animal? Answer: Dogs 7) What was King George VI's first name? Answer: Albert 8) What color is a purple finch? Answer: Crimson 9) What country do Chinese gooseberries come from? Answer: New Zealand 10) What is the color of the black box in a commercial airplane? Answer: bright orange, of course.

Today, Sept 26, in 
1777 Philadelphia was occupied by British troops during the
American Revolutionary War. 

1908 Ed Eulbach of the Chicago Cubs became the first
baseball player to pitch both games of a doubleheader and
win both with shutouts. 

1908 In "The Saturday Evening Post" an ad for the Edison
Phonograph appeared. 

1918 During World War I, the Meuse-Argonne offensive against
the Germans began. It was the final Allied offensive on the
western front. 

1950 U.N. troops recaptured the South Korean capital of
Seoul from the North Koreans during the Korean Conflict. 

1955 The New York Stock Exchange suffered its worst decline
since 1929 when the word was released concerning U.S.
President Eisenhower's heart attack. 

1960 The first televised debate between presidential
candidates Richard M. Nixon and John F. Kennedy took place
in Chicago, IL. 

1962 "The Beverly Hillbillies" premiered on CBS-TV. 

1964 "Gilligan's Island" premiered on CBS-TV. The show aired
for the last time on September 4, 1967. 

1969 "The Brady Bunch" series premiered on ABC-TV. 

1980 The Cuban government abruptly closed Mariel Harbor to
end the freedom flotilla of Cuban refugees that began the
previous April. 

1981 The Boeing 767 made its maiden flight in Everett, WA. 

1984 Britain and China initialed a draft agreement on the
future of Hong Kong when the Chinese take over ruling the
British Colony. 

1985 Shamu was born at Sea World in Orlando, FL. Shamu was
the first killer whale to survive being born in captivity. 

1990 The Motion Picture Association of America announced
that it had created a new rating. The new NC17 rating was to
keep moviegoers under the age of 17 from seeing certain
films. 

1991 Four men and four women began their two-year stay
inside the "Biosphere II." The project was intended to
develop technology for future space colonies and was
abandoned in 1993 when they got caught ordering pizza. 

1993 The eight people who had stayed in "Biosphere II"
emerged from their sealed off environment. 

1995 The warring factions of Bosnia agreed on guidelines for
elections and a future government. 

1996 Shannon Lucid returned to Earth after being in space
for 188 days. she set a time record for a U.S. astronaut in
space and in the world for time spent by a woman in space. 

2000 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Born-Alive
Infants Protection Act. The act states that an infant would
be considered to have been born alive if he or she is
completely extracted or expelled from the mother and
breathes and has a beating heart and definite movement of
the voluntary muscles. 

2000 Slobodan Milosevic conceded that Vojislav Kostunica had
won Yugoslavia's presidential election and declared a
runoff. The declared runoff prompted mass protests. 

2001 In Kabul, Afghanistan, the abandoned U.S. Embassy was
stormed by protesters. It was the largest anti-Amercian
protest since the terror attacks on New York City and
Washington, DC, on September 11. 

2001 Palestinian leader Yasser Arafat and Israeli Foreign
Minister Shimon Peres announced plans to formalize a cease-
fire and end a year of fighting in the region. 

2006 Facebook was openened to everyone at least 13 years or
older with a valid email address. 

2017  smiled.


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Tape to CD 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Monday, September 25

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Florida man arrested after breaking into 
Key Largo home to nap and burgle, 
swims away from deputies when chased, 
but is caught by game warden.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 25 in
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships 
on his second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ The English have no respect for their language, and will not teach their children to speak it. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Truly great madness cannot be achieved without significant intelligence. --- Henrik Tikkanen Democracy is the illusion that more than half of the people are right more than half the time. --- E. B. White, 1944 Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable. --- Sidney J. Harris ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ The doctor said, "Joe, the good news is I can cure your headaches. The bad new is that it will require castration. You have a very rare condition, which causes your testicles to press on your spine and the pressure creates your headache. The only way to relieve the pressure is to remove the testicles." Joe was shocked and depressed. He wondered if he had anything to live for. He had no choice but to go under the knife. When he left the hospital, he was without a headache for the first time in 20 years, but he felt like he was missing an important part of himself. As he walked down the street, he realized that he felt like a different person. He could make a new beginning and live a new life. He saw a men's clothing store and thought, "That's what I need... a new suit." He entered the shop and told the salesman, "I'd like a new suit." The elderly tailor eyed him briefl y and said, "Let's see... size 44 long." Joe laughed, "That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years!", the tailor said. Joe tried on the suit. It fit perfectly. As Joe admired himself in the mirror, the salesman asked, "How about a new shirt?" Joe thought for a moment and then said, "Sure." The salesman eyed Joe and said, "Let's see, 34 sleeves and 16-1/2 neck." Joe was surprised, That's right, how did you know?" "Been in the business 60 years." Joe tried on the shirt and it fit perfectly. Joe walked comfortably around the shop and the salesman asked, "How about some new underwear?" Joe thought for a moment and said, "Sure." The salesman said, "Let's see... size 36." Joe laughed, "Ah ha! I got you, I've worn a size 34 since I was 18 years old." The salesman shook his head, "You can't wear a size 34. A size 34 would press your testicles up against the base of your spine and give you one hell of a headache." _____________________________________________________ The mother of three notoriously unruly youngsters was asked whether or not she'd have children if she had it to do over again. "Sure," she replied, "but not the same ones." _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too: "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry." she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And just how many men are you planning to marry?" ______________________________________________________ Kiss ? _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Michael Brandt, 22, Miami, Florida Florida man arrested after breaking into Key Largo home to nap and burgle, swims away from deputies when chased, but is caught by game warden. A man from Miami was arrested in Key Largo on Tuesday night after deputies said he broke into a home to take a nap in the air conditioning. Monroe County Sheriff’s Office deputies responded to a gated community when a security officer reported that Michael Brandt, 22, was acting suspicious and fled away from him on a bicycle, WPLG reports. When deputies found Brandt outside the neighborhood, he got off his bike, jumped into the water, and swam away. During the deputies’ search, a state wildlife officer located Brandt on the roadway and arrested him. Deputies said Brandt admitted to breaking into the home so he could sleep in the cool AC, and that he also stole money in the house, WPLG reports. He remains at the county jail on a $115,000 bond for charges of burglary, grand theft, criminal mischief, and resisting arrest, according to jail records. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jessie Re: Tape to CD Dear Webby, I get a lot of good tips from you. Thank you. Can you tell me if there is a way to record from a Cassette to a CD? I have an Iomega Super DVD/CD burner that I can record from my camcorder to, but haven't figured out the cassette. Thanks for any help. Jessie Dear Jessie Yes, sure there is a way. Connect a cable with male 1/8" headphone plugs on each end from the headphone socket on your tape player to the AUX-IN or the microphone socket on your computer, then record it with any sound recording software. The AUX-IN socket is the one that has neither a headphone nor a microphone symbol, but something weird and incomprehensible. often it is color coded blue. Most sound cards come with some basic sound recording software, and you can find lots more with Google. Windows Sound Recorder works too. Recording quality is the same. The difference between different recording software is usually in how easy or complicated it is to splice and edit. Almost all of them are either free or have a free trial period. Just try a bunch of them and find the one that suits you the best. Some of the not-free programs even have fancy scratch and static filters. Save the music in MP3 or MP4 format, so that you can play it in Audio CD and MP3 or MP4 players. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Jerry: Dear Webby, I know that St. Patrick's Day is over, but couldn't pass this by. Jerry An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said that the bar is closing. So the Irishman stood up to leave and fell flat on his face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up. Once outside he stood up and fell flat on his face. So he decided to crawl the 4 blocks to his home. When he arrived at the door he stood up and again fell flat on his face. He crawled through the door and into his bedroom. When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up. This time he managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into bed and is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow. He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting, "So, you've been out drinking again!!" "What makes you say that?" he asked, putting on an innocent look. "The pub called. You left your wheelchair there again."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Lime Deposits in a Teakettle Remove lime deposits from your teakettle by filling the kettle with equal parts vinegar and water. Then bring the water to a boil and let it sit over night. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Someone's had way too much time!
____________________________________________________ One employee said to another, "When the boss' son starts work here next week, remember that he's not supposed to have any special privileges or authority. Treat him just like you would anyone, who is due to take over the whole company in a year or two." __________________________________________________
The forgotten history of the Neapolitan ‘Kindergarten Ship’ where street boys were given a chance to get an education and make a life for themselves.
___________________________________________________ From Annie I was getting my hair cut at a neighborhood shop, and I asked the barber when would be the best time to bring in my two-year-old son for a haircut. Without hesitation, the barber said, "When he's four."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Fran Dear Webby I sure am glad you talked me into getting MailWasher! All of a sudden email is useable again, and just shows the real mail, without any of the junk. Many, many thanks! Fran ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 25, in 
1493 Christopher Columbus left Spain with 17 ships on his
second voyage to the Western Hemisphere. 

1513 The Pacific Ocean was discovered by Spanish explorer
Vasco Nunez de Balboa when he crossed the Isthmus of Panama.
He named the body of water the South Sea. He was truly just
the first European to see the Pacific Ocean. 

1775 Ethan Allen was captured by the British during the
American Revolutionary War. He was leading the attack on
Montreal. 

1789 The first U.S. Congress adopted 12 amendments to the
Constitution. Ten of the amendments became the Bill of
Rights. 

1847 During the Mexican-American War, U.S. forces led by
General Zachary Taylor captured Monterrey Mexico. 

1890 The Sequoia National Park was established as a U.S.
National Park in Central California. 

1890 Mormon President Wilford Woodruff issued a Manifesto in
which the practice of polygamy was renounced. 

1919 U.S. President Woodrow Wilson collapsed after a speech
in Pueblo, CO. The speaking tour was in support of the
Treaty of Versailles. 

1933 Tom Mix was heard on NBC Radio for the first time. His
show ran until June of 1950. 

1956 A transatlantic telephone-cable system began operation
between Newfoundland and Scotland. 

1957 300 U.S. Army troops stood guard as nine black students
were escorted to class at Central High School in Little
Rock, AR. The children had been forced to withdraw 2 days
earlier because of unruly white mobs. 

1965 Willie Mays, at the age of 34, became the oldest man to
hit 50 home runs in a single season. He had also set the
record for the youngest to hit 50 ten years earlier. 

1973 The three crewmen of Skylab II landed in the Pacific
Ocean after being on the U.S. space laboratory for 59 days. 

1978 Melissa Ludtke, a writer for "Sports Illustrated",
filed a suit in U.S. District Court. The result was that
Major League Baseball could not bar female writers from the
locker room after the game. 

1981 Sandra Day O'Connor became the first female justice of
the U.S. Supreme Court when she was sworn in as the 102nd
justice. She had been nominated the previous July by U.S.
President Ronald Reagan. 

1983 A Soviet military officer, Stanislav Petrov, averted a
potential worldwide nuclear war. He declared a false alarm
after a U.S. attack was detected by a Soviet early warning
system. It was later discovered the alarms had been set off
when the satellite warning system mistakenly interpreted
sunlight reflections off clouds as the presence of enemy
missiles. 

1986 An 1894-S Barber Head dime was bought for $83,000 at a
coin auction in California. It is one of a dozen that exist.


1987 The booty collected from the Wydah, which sunk off Cape
Cod in 1717, was auctioned off. The worth was around $400
million. 

1990 The U.N. Security Council voted to impose an air
embargo against Iraq. Cuba was the only dissenting vote. 

1991 The U.N. Security Council unanimously ordered a
worldwide arms embargo against Yugoslavia and all of its
warring factions. 

1992 In Orlando, FL, a judge ruled in favor of 12-year-old
Gregory Kingsley. He had sought a divorce from his
biological parents. 

1992 The Mars Observer blasted off on a mission that cost
$980 million. The probe has not been heard from since it
reached Mars in August of 1993. 

1995 Ross Perot announced that he would form the
Independence Party. 

1997 NBC sportscaster Marv Albert pled guilty to assault and
battery of a lover. He was fired from NBC within hours. 

2001 Michael Jordan announced that he would return to the
NBA as a player for the Washington Wizards. Jordan became
the president of basketball operations for the team on
January 19, 2000. 

2002 U.S. forces landed in Ivory Coast to aid in the rescue
foreigners trapped in a school by fighting between
government troops and rebel troops. Rebels had attempted to
take over the government on September 19. 

2012 China launched its first aircraft carrier into service.

2017  smiled.


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Adding a .ico picture to signature block 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Sunday, September 24

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Louisiana man arrested for killing two 
black men may have been racially motivated.
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 24 in
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after
a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt
to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ History teaches us that men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all other alternatives. --- Abba Eban (1915 - 2002) He who lives without folly isn't so wise as he thinks. --- Francois de La Rochefoucauld No man is a failure who is enjoying life. --- William Feather ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ SPELL CHECQUER Eye halve a spelling chequer It came with my pea sea It plainly marques four my revue Miss steaks eye kin knot sea. Eye strike a key and type a word And weight four it two say Weather eye am wrong oar write It shows me strait a weigh. As soon as a mist ache is maid It nose bee fore two long And eye can put the error rite Its rare lea ever wrong. Eye have run this poem threw it I am shore your pleased two no Its letter perfect awl the weigh My chequer tolled me sew. _____________________________________________________ Walking up to a department store's fabric counter, a pretty girl asked, "I want to buy this material for a new dress. How much does it cost?" "Only one kiss per yard," replied the smirking male clerk. "That's fine," replied the girl. "I'll take 10 yards." With expectation and anticipation written all over his face, the clerk quickly measured out and wrapped the cloth, then teasingly held it out. The girl snapped up the package and pointed to a grinning little old lady standing beside her. "Grandma is paying for it," she smiled. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ An old snake goes to see his Doctor. "Doc, I need something for my eyes, I can't see very well these days." The Doctor fixes him up with a pair of glasses and tells him to return in 2 weeks. The snake comes back in 2 weeks and tells the doctor he's very depressed. The doctor replies, "What's the problem? Didn't the glasses help you?" "The glasses are fine doc, but I just discovered I've been living with a water hose the past 2 years! ______________________________________________________ Bushkill Falls, Pennsylvania _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Kenneth Gleason, 23, Baton Rouge, Louisiana Louisiana man arrested for killing two black men may have been racially motivated. A Louisiana man accused of killing two black men in what may have been racially motivated attacks last week reportedly had a copy of an Adolf Hitler speech in his home. A police source, speaking to The Associated Press, confirmed the unsettling discovery by authorities at the Baton Rouge home of Kenneth Gleason. The 23-year-old, reportedly an Eagle Scout, faces two counts of first-degree murder for the separate shootings. Authorities declined to comment on the discovery of a speech by the Nazi leader or on a possible motive in the killings at a Tuesday news conference, saying only that they’re looking into all possibilities at this time, including whether the killings were motivated by racism. Hitler had made thousands of speeches and until he went nuts after England turned his traditional European border re- alignements into a World War, he was considered quite smart even though he was a socialist. He was even New York Times Man Of The Year. Some people analyzed his speeches and compared them to Hillary`s campaign speeches. Until he went nuts, his speeches were mostly about socialism and rebuilding after WWI. Baton Rouge police Sgt. L’Jean McKneely had previously told the AP that there was “a strong possibility that it could be racially motivated.” Gleason was arrested over the weekend on unrelated drug charges after authorities said they linked his red car to the deaths of 59-year-old Bruce Cofield on Sept. 12 and 49- year-old Donald Smart on Sept. 14. Police had said that the victims, who were shot first from a car and then again at close range, appeared targeted at random. Gleason posted bail Sunday on the drug charges before being arrested again in the slaying investigation as well as for suspicion of aggravated criminal damage for a third shooting in which a gunman fired at the home of a black family in Gleason’s neighborhood. Police said shell casings recovered from the scenes matched and that Gleason’s DNA was found on some of them. A conviction on the murder charges could bring a death sentence, said East Baton Rouge District Attorney Hillar Moore III, who described the attacks as cold and calculated. “Had there not been a swift conclusion to this case, I feel confident that this killer probably would have killed again,” said Interim Police Chief Jonny Dunnam. Gleason, who was seen wearing what appeared to be a T-shirt for the Boy Scouts’ rugged Philmont Scout Ranch in New Mexico during his arrest Tuesday, earned the top Eagle Scout rank in 2012 after completing a construction project for a United Methodist Church, according to The Advocate in Baton Rouge. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Adding .ico picture to email Dear Webby, As you can see, after all these years thanks to you, I am able to add a signature to my Eudora e-mails. I failed to copy an .ico of my dog to the signature. How do I do this? Thanks. Bill Dear Bill You have to use standard picture formats. .ico is not standard, it is actually .bmp, a totally obsolete format from the 80's, but Microsoft used it in Windows 1, and has not figured out yet how to change that to a standard format. A 640 x 480 .bmp picture filled an entire 3.5" floppy disk. I used to travel with two shoe boxes filled with disks to use with my camera. That is how obsolete that format is. You can rename that .ico picture to .bmp, and then use any decent graphics program to convert it to .jpg Then you can use it in your signature block just like the mug shot that I use in my signature block. Have FUN! DearWebby

A psychiatrist who had tired of listening to the assorted troubles and dreams that poured from his consulting couch, rigged up a tape recorder. Explaining to his patients that he could analyze a case better this way, he would turn on the machine, tell the patient to keep talking and quietly slip out for a beer. This worked well for a while, but one day he looked up from his beer to see the patient who was supposed to be upstairs on the couch. "What are you doing here?" asked the doctor. "Well, Doc," said the patient, "I've taped my dreams and stuff for the last couple of days, and now my tape recorder is upstairs talking to your tape recorder."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Grease Spills In The Oven If grease or oil spills in your oven, quickly toss some salt on the stain. Once the oven has cooled off and the salt has dried, brush it out of your oven. Most of the stain should be gone. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Someone's had way too much time!
____________________________________________________ Harry the complainer and his wife happened to pass away on the same day and as they awaited their interview with St. Peter at the Pearly Gates, they were approached by an angel. The angle said, "Hello, I am your host, and welcome to Heaven. In a few moments you'll be entering through our famous Pearly Gates for the most fantastic adventure you've ever experienced. You'll have a chauffeur driven limousine service anywhere in the universe, plus deluxe accommodations at our luxury hotel with all the amenities: pool, Jacuzzi, indoor tennis courts, and more. Then after your day of relaxation, dine at any of our 5-star restaurants savoring the finest of any cuisine known to man." Harry gave his wife a shove in the ribs with his elbow and said, "If it wasn't for you and that stupid oat bran, we would have been here ten years ago!" __________________________________________________
Remember "I Love Lucy?"Â Glamorous photos of a beautiful young Lucille Ball.
___________________________________________________ Two cab drivers met and one asked the other, "Hey, why do you have one side of your cab painted red and the other side blue?" The other driver said, "When I get into an accident, you should see how all the witnesses contradict each other."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ From Chuck Enjoy your jokes. My son left for Iraq yesterday. We have a hard time talking (just not much to talk about), so I pick a joke or two from your list and send them to him. That way even if there isn't much to say, I can send him a little humor. Thanks. Chuck Hi Chuck You can tell your son that I am thinking about him and am grateful for what he does for us. You can also tell him about the red notice I put up every Friday to wear a bit of red to show support for the troops. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 24, in 
1869 Thousands of businessmen were financially ruined after
a panic on Wall Street. The panic was caused by an attempt
to corner the gold market by Jay Gould and James Fisk. 

1929 The first all-instrument flight took place in New York
when Lt. James H. Doolittle guided a Consolidated NY2
Biplane over Mitchell Field. 

1933 "Roses and Drums" was heard on WABC in New York City.
It was the first dramatic presentation for radio. 

1938 Don Budge became the first tennis player to win all
four of the major titles when he won the U.S. Tennis Open.
He had already won the Australian Open, the French Open and
the British Open. 

1957 U.S. President Eisenhower sent federal troops to Little
Rock, AR, to enforce school integration. 

1960 The first nuclear powered aircraft carrier was
launched. The USS Enterprise set out from Newport News, VA. 

1961 "The Bullwinkle Show" premiered in prime time on NBC-
TV. The show was originally on ABC in the afternoon as
"Rocky and His Friends." 

1963 The U.S. Senate ratified a treaty that limited nuclear
testing. The treaty was between the U.S., Britain, and the
Soviet Union. 

1995 Three decades of Israeli occupation of West Bank cities
ended with the signing of a pact by Israel and the PLO. 

1996 The United States, represented by President Clinton,
and the world's other major nuclear powers signed a
Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty to end all testing and
development of nuclear weapons. 

1998 The U.S. Federal Reserve released into circulation $2
billion in new harder-to-counterfeit $20 bills. 

2001 U.S. President George W. Bush froze the assets of 27
suspected terrorists and terrorist groups. 

2017  smiled.


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How to add pictures to emails automatically 





Good Morning, ,
Today is Saturday, September 23

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Floriduh mom, daughter arressted for 
beating a woman unconscious in road-rage
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 23 in
1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days. --- ann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A Florida officer pulls over old Mrs. Fisher because her hand signals were confusing. "Mrs Fisher," he said, "I know that your turn signal has been stuck on right-turn since you bought that car six years ago, but now your hand signals are getting a bit too confusing for us mere mortals to understand. First you put your hand up, like you're turning right, then you wave your hand up and down, then you turn left," said the officer. "I decided not to turn right," she explains. "Then why the up and down?" asks the officer. "Officer," she sniffs, "I was erasing!" _____________________________________________________ Bradley and Michael took a job on a farm to eke out a meager existence. One day while Bradley was baling hay, he sees Michael come running up yelling, "Bradley, come quick! Seamus just fell into the manure pit up to his ankles!" Bradley was not alarmed in the least. He asked Michael, "If he's only in up to his ankles, can't he just walk out?" "No," said Michael, running off again. "Grab a shovel, and hurry, he fell in head first!" _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ Two kids are talking to each other. One says, "I'm really worried. Dad works twelve hours a day so that I got a nice house and lotsa food. My mom spends the whole day cleaning and cooking for me. I'm worried sick!" The other kid says, "What have you got to worry about? Sounds to me like you've got it made!" The first kid says, "I saw some suitcases. I think they are trying to escape!" ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 49, Shelley Lyn Gemberling, 20, Pasco, Florida Floriduh mom, daughter arressted for beating a woman unconscious in road-rage Two Pasco County women face battery charges after a witness recorded them beating another woman during a road-rage encounter. Investigators said at 3:45 p.m. on Tuesday, mother and daughter, Shelley Lyn Gemberling, 49, and Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 20, got into an argument with Emily Bailey at the intersection of Little Road and Trouble Creek Road in New Port Richey. Bailey was inside her vehicle, which was in the left lane of Little Road. Gemberling and Scarduzio’s vehicle was in the right lane. “It was the longest red light of my life. They kept screaming at me, telling me they wanted to f—–g kill me. I just wanted the light to change,” Bailey said. “I never thought they would get out of their car and run toward me and pull me out of my vehicle.” Investigators said Gemberling and Scarduzio got out of their vehicle and approached the open driver’s window, reached in and grabbed Bailey by her hair and neck and pulled her outside through the window. Bailey, a veterinary technician, said she fell to the ground and then Gemberling and Scarduzio began punching her on her face and body. She says she thought she was going to die. “They tried to drag me through my window. When I looked into the woman’s eyes, I saw pure rage. It looked like she wanted to kill me,” Bailey said. “During those times, the daughter said, stop hitting my mom. Quit hitting my mom. And, then she hit me again. And, everything went black.” Detectives say Bailey lost consciousness and suffered a broken nose and other injuries. Gemberling and Scarduzio did not stop beating her until a citizen intervened. “Why were you attacking me when you were in the wrong? You cut me off,” Bailey said. “It could have been avoided. No one had to get hurt. No one had to go to jail. These were choices that they made.” A witness reported seeing Gemberling pulling Bailey out of the vehicle through the window. The witness said she did not see Bailey strike the suspects at any time, but did see the suspects strike her. “The mom grabbed me by my throat and started squeezing my neck. The daughter grabbed me by the back of my hair and started pulling,” Bailey recalled. The witness also said that Scarduzio hit Bailey multiple times while she was on the ground. “All I could think about was my son,” Bailey said. Video recorded by a witness showed Bailey on the ground –motionless- while Scarduzio hit and kicked her until a guy from a car further back ran up and stopped them from beating and stomping the unconscious woman. “It’s hard to watch. It’s very traumatizing. I think I’ve cried the first four times I’ve seen it,” Bailey said. “I question every time getting in the car now. Definitely, I don’t want to beep my horn at anyone.” Bailey told deputies that Gemberling and Scarduzio approached her because of a traffic incident. As Bailey tried to raise her window, the pair reached into her vehicle and grabbed her by her hair and throat, then pulled her out of the vehicle and began beating her. Deputies said Scarduzio denied punching Bailey in the face but did say she hit her with her open hand. Gemberling allegedly told deputies that Bailey got out of her vehicle and pushed her. Alicia Nicole Scarduzio, 20, and Kelly Lyn Gamberling, 49, were arrested and charged with burglary and aggravated battery and were booked into the Land O’ Lakes Detention Center. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Gary Re: Adding picture to emails Dear Webby, I would like to know if there is an easy way to add an image to all my outgoing emails..please help.. thank you in advance... GARY Dear Gary I have no idea if that can be done with your hotmail. With Eudora it's easy. There we had it since about 1990. There you just put the picture into the signature or the stationery. Set it so that your signature footer does not show while you compose or reply. It will add it automatically on it's way out. By now, most email programs have adopted that feature nowadays. Just look for Signature. Have FUN! DearWebby

Ralph arrived at his Internal Revenue Service audit accompanied by his attorney. Going over his records, the IRS official said, "Well, sir, it appears that you live at a much higher level than your reported employment income. How do you explain that? Before the attorney could speak, Ralph replied, "I love to gamble and I usually win." The skeptical official gave him a disbelieving look. "I can prove it," said Ralph. "How about a demonstration?" The official thought a moment and said, "Okay. Go ahead." Ralph said, "I'll bet you a thousand dollars that I can bite my own eye." The auditor thought a moment and said, "No way! It's a bet!" Ralph removed his glass eye and bit it. The official's jaw dropped. Ralph said, "Now, I'll bet you two thousand dollars that I can bite my other eye." The official could tell Ralph wasn't blind, so he took the bet. Ralph then removed his dentures and bit his good eye. The stunned official was now three grand in the hole! "Want to go double or nothing?" Ralph asked. "I'll bet you six thousand dollars that I can stand on your desk and use that wastebasket by the door over there as a urinal, and never get a drop anywhere in between." The auditor, twice burned, was cautious now, but there's no way this guy could manage that stunt, so he agreed again! Ralph climbed up on the auditor's desk, missed the wastebasket completely, and pretty much soaked the desk. The official grinned. He had just turned a huge loss into a huge win! But then he noticed that Ralph's attorney looked ashen and was visibly shaking. "Are you okay?" he asked. The lawyer replied, "Not really. Before we arrived, Ralph bet me twenty thousand dollars he'd mess on your desk and you'd be happy about it!"
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Oatmeal Muffins By Holly805 Total Time: 45 minutes Yield: about 2 dozen Source: Better Homes and Gardens New Cookbook (1968) Ingredients: 2 cups quick-cooking rolled oats 2 cups milk 2 cups all-purpose flour 2/3 cup sugar 6 tsp baking powder 1 tsp salt 1 tsp cinnamon 2 eggs 1/2 cup canola oil Steps: Combine quick oats and milk in a medium size bowl. Let soak 15 minutes. While the oats are soaking, combine the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Set aside. In a small bowl, beat the eggs until combined. Add the oil to the eggs and beat until light. Combine the egg mixture with the oats and milk. Make a "well" in the flour mixture and gradually pour in the wet ingredients. Mix gently, making sure all the flour from the bottom of the bowl is combined with the liquid. Pour into prepared muffin pans, each cup 3/4 full, and bake 18-20 minutes at 425 F. If you end up with spare batter, estimate how many muffin cups you will need to prepare. Fill the remaining cups halfway with water to prevent scorching and bake as normal. Enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com If you don`t like flour, you can fake it by adding a couple of mashed bananas, or left over pumpkin pie filling, or shredded apple or whatever you got handy. Adding an extra egg does not hurt either. Instead of the ridiculous amount of sugar, you can add raisins, dried currants, or if you want them sweet for kids, shaved dried dates. The hard blocks of dried dates are very efficient sweeteners. Use sparingly! Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________
30 cows in a field and 28 chickens, how many didn't?
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Earl for this story: It was the middle of one of the coldest nights of the winter and Ole and Lena were on their way home on a slippery road. Just as they came around a corner, Lena yelled to Ole to look out. Ole swerved and hit the brakes and came to a sliding stop. "What's the matter Lena", Ole said. "There was a mother skunk and 2 little baby skunks in the road. I'm afraid that you may have killed the mother skunk. We have to go back and look." Ole reluctantly backs the car up and sure enough, there lays the mother skunk in the middle of the road dead and the two baby skunks are by the side of the road. Lena says, "Ole we have to take the babies or they're going to freeze to death." Ole argues against it, but eventually gives in to Lena and Lena goes out and picks up the baby skunks. After returning to the car they start on their way home again. Well, the heater in the car isn't very good and Lena tells Ole that they have to do something to keep the babies warm or they'll freeze to death. Ole finally tells Lena, "Just put them up under your skirt and that will keep them warm". Lena replies, "But Ole, what about the smell?" Ole replies, "Don't worry about it, they'll get used to it". __________________________________________________
Lovers eye jewelry.
___________________________________________________ A drunk staggers into a Catholic Church in Dublin, enters a confessional booth, sits down but says nothing. The Priest coughs a few times to get his attention but the drunk continues to sit there. Finally, the Priest pounds three times on the wall. The drunk mumbles, "ain't no use knockin, there's no paper on this side either."
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ A survey on sexual habits was being carried out by a popular newspaper and one questioner stopped an elderly Irish gent in the street and asked him how often he had sexual intercourse. "Oh, about half a dozen times a year", said the gentleman. The questioner smiled. "I thought you Irish were supposed to be sexy!" she said. "We are," said the gentleman. "But, I don't think half a dozen times a year is so bad for a seventy-two year old priest with no car in a small parish." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 23, in 
1642 The first commencement at Harvard College, in
Cambridge, MA, was held. 

1779 John Paul Jones, commander of the American warship Bon
Homme, was quoted as saying "I have not yet begun to fight!"


1780 John Andre, a British spy, was captured with papers
revealing that Benedict Arnold was going to surrender West
Point, NY, to the British. 

1806 The Corps of Discovery, the Lewis and Clark expedition,
reached St. Louis, MO, and ended the trip to the Pacific
Northwest. 

1845 The Knickerbocker Base Ball Club of New York was formed
by Alexander Joy Cartwright. It was the first baseball team
in America. 

1846 Astronomer Johann Gottfried Galle discovered the planet
Neptune. 

1912 "Keystone Comedy" by Mack Sennett was released. 

1930 Flashbulbs were patented by Johannes Ostermeier. 

1951 The first transcontinental telecast was received on the
west coast. The show "Crusade for Freedom" was broadcast by
CBS-TV from New York. 

1952 The first Pay Television sporting event took place. The
Marciano-Walcott fight was seen in 49 theaters in 31
cities.


1957 Nine black students withdrew from Little Rock Central
High School in Arkansas due to the white mob outside. 

1962 "The Jetsons" premiered on ABC-TV. It was the first
program on the network to be carried in color. 

1964 The new ceiling painting of the Paris Opera house was
unveiled. The work was done by Russian-born artist Marc
Chagall. 

1973 Overthrown Argentine president Juan Peron was returned
to power. He had been overthrown in 1955. His wife, Eva
Duarte, was the subject of the musical "Evita." 

1981 The Reagan administration announced its plans for what
became known as Radio Marti. 

1986 Japanese newspapers quoted Prime Minister Yasuhiro
Nakasone as saying that minorities lowered the "intelligence
level" of America. 

1990 Iraq publicly threatened to destroy Middle East oil
fields and to attack Israel if any nation tried to force it
from Kuwait. 

1991 U.N. weapons inspectors find documents detailing Iraq's
secret nuclear weapons program. The find in Baghdad
triggered a standoff with authorities in Iraq. 

1993 The Israeli parliament ratified the Israel-PLO accord. 

1993 Blacks were allowed a role in the South African
government after a parliamentary vote. 

1999 A 17-month-old girl fell 230 feet from the Capilano
Suspension Bridge in North Vancouver, British Columbia. The
girl had bruises but no broken limbs from the fall onto a
rocky ledge. 

2017  smiled.


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Clipping hard to copy pictures 




Good Morning, ,
Today is Friday, September 22
Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops!


Summer is over. Happy Fall (season)!
We had cold rain today, and snow on the West side of the
valley. No Gullible Warming here, I guess not enough people
here believe in it.

Hopefully the hurricanes in the South will settle down soon!
I am glad all subscribers are OK, and hope all good people
are safe.


Walked to my doctor today for the annual prescription update
and diet consultation. He asked what kind of oil I use.
5-40, all season. 
He didn`t like that. For frying! 
I use butter. 
For salad!
Apple cider vinegar and a drop of coconut oil.
He had a fit about that. Apparently coconut oil is only good
for yuppies in Mexifornia, but for everybody else, it has
gone out of fashion and is bad.
Olive oil is in fashion again.
Ok, Ok. I still got some in the back of the cupboard from
when it was in fashion last time.

And so it went through everything I eat.
Actually, because I am trying to beat Diabetes with diet, I
dont really eat that much anyway.

Eventually we got to the gout in my right hand little
finger. I told him that the prescribed pills didn`t do any
good, but that many subscribers recommended Alpurinol, and
that Sven recommended Super strength cherry concentrate
capsules. 
The health food stores in the nearest town charge $19 - $39
for 90 capsules (one month). So I googled.
https://www.canadianvitaminshop.com/ has them for $11.98.
Click, click, done.

Next day the capsules were here.
3 days later the white spots looking like blisters, but are
actually uric acid crystal deposits, started disappearing
and the swelling is going down.
Thank you Sven!

Have Fun!
Dearwebby

Todays Bonehead Award:
Wanted Pasco man arrested after 
brandishing toy gun
 Bonehead
______________________________________________________
Today, Sept 22 in
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed.
The monarchy in England got very worried.
See More of what happened on this
day in history.
______________________________________________________
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
______________________________________________________ Politicians should read science fiction, not westerns and detective stories. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) If all economists were laid end to end, they would not reach a conclusion. --- George Bernard Shaw ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ >From Noella Mom's Brownie Recipe Remove teddy bear from oven and preheat to 375. Melt 1 cup margarine in saucepan. Remove teddy bear from oven and tell Junior, "no, no." Add margarine to 2 cups sugar. Take shortening can away from Junior and clean cupboards. Measure 1/3 cup cocoa. Take shortening can away from Junior again and bathe cat. Apply antiseptic and bandages to scratches sustained while removing shortening from cat's body. Assemble 4 eggs, 2 teaspoons vanilla and 1 1/2 cups sifted flour. Take smouldering teddy bear from oven and open all doors and windows for ventilation. Take telephone away from Billy and assure party on the line the call was a mistake. Call operator and attempt to have direct dialed call removed from bill. Measure 1 teaspoon salt, 1/2 cup nuts and beat all ingredients well. Let cat out of refrigerator. Pour mixture into well-greased 9 x 13-inch pan. Bake 25 minutes. Rescue cat and take razor away from Billy. Explain that you have no idea if shaved cats will sunburn. Throw cat outside while there's still time and he's still able to run away. Frosting Mix the following in the saucepan: 1 cup sugar, 1 ounce unsweetened chocolate, 1/2 cup margarine. Take teddy bear out of the broiler and throw it away -- far away. Answer the door and meekly explain to nice policeman that you didn't know Junior had slipped out of the house and was heading for the street. Put Junior in playpen. Explain to neighbor that the burning teddybear, that had set her dry rose bushes on fire, must have fallen from an airplane. Add 1/3 cup milk, dash of salt, and boil, stirring constantly for 2 minutes. Answer door and apologize to other neighbor for Billy having stuck a garden hose in man's front door mail slot. Promise to pay for ruined carpet. Tie Billy to clothesline. Remove burned brownies from oven. _____________________________________________________ A priest and a rabbi operated a church and a synagogue across the street from each other. Since their schedules intertwined, they decided to go in together to buy a car. After the purchase, they drove it home and parked it on the street between them. A few minutes later, the rabbi looked out and saw the priest sprinkling water on their new car. It didn't need a wash, so he hurried out and asked the priest what he was doing. "I'm blessing it," the priest replied. The rabbi considered this a moment, then went back inside the synagogue. He reappeared a moment later with a hacksaw, walked over to the back of the car and cut off two inches of the exhaust pipe. _____________________________________________________ Malwarebytes for Home | Anti-Malware Premium | Free Trial Download ______________________________________________________ "After twelve years of therapy my psychiatrist said something that brought tears to my eyes. He said, 'No hablo ingles.'" --- Ronnie Shakes ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________
If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes!
______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Stanley Johnson, 58, Lacoochee, Florida Wanted Pasco man arrested after brandishing toy gun A 58-year-old Lacoochee man wanted on drug charges was arrested after brandishing what turned out to be a toy gun. The Pasco County Sheriff’s Office received a 911 call in reference to a man seen outside a home located at 21153 Market Street with what appeared to be an AK 47. Responding officers located Stanley Johnson Sr. and realized he was carrying a toy gun. Deputies discovered Johnson was wanted on charges of possession of methamphetamine and possession of paraphernalia. He was taken into custody and charged with contempt of court/arrest order. He also faces charges for resisting an officer with violence (no, minor injuries), domestic battery, felon in possession of a firearm/weapon/ammo, unlawful possession of a concealed handcuff key, according to a charge report. He’s being held at the Land O’ Lakes Jail on a $40,000 bond. His toy gun was confiscated. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Kitty Re: Saving pictures Dear Webby, i tried the print screen and nothing hapend.the ctrl and v did nothing. what is PSP?...i guess i'm just not as smart as i thought. thanks anyway. have a good one. . kitty Dear Kitty PSP (PaintShopPro) is just a popular graphics program. Any other graphics program will work the same. When you look at the page, from where you want to save a picture, that can not be saved the easy way, hit the Print Screen key. That puts a copy of what is on the screen into the clipboard. Now open your favorite paint or graphics program, open a new file and click in it to make sure it is active, then hit CTRL V or SHIFT INSERT. That pastes the entire screen view into that picture. Now use the cropping tool and cut away all the stuff around the picture, so that all that remains is the picture that you want to copy. Have FUN! DearWebby

From Marina: Last summer, my husband, Steve, took me camping for the first time. At every opportunity, he passed along outdoor- survival lore. One day we got lost hiking in the deep woods. Steve tried the usual tactics to determine direction - moss on the trees (there was no moss), direction of the sun (it was an overcast day). Just as I was beginning to panic, he spotted a small cabin off in the distance. Steve pulled out his binoculars, studied the cabin, turned and led us right back to our camp. "That was terrific," I said. "How did you do it?" "Simple," he replied. "In this part of the country all TV satellite dishes point south."
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Cheese Grater Tip You can make cleaning your cheese grater a snap by rubbing cooking oil on the grater before using it. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________
Could have been a love story
____________________________________________________ Two Irishmen were adrift in a life boat following a dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's provisions, one of the men stumbled across an old lamp. Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously. To the amazement of the castaways, a genie came forth. This particular genie, however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three. Without giving much thought to the matter the man blurted out, "Make the entire ocean into beer!" The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals. Simultaneously, the genie vanished. Only the gentle lapping of beer on the hull broke the stillness as the men considered their circumstances. One man looked disgustedly at the other whose wish had been granted. After a long, tension filled moment, he spoke: "Nice going, idiot! All that beer, and only such a small boat for a urinal !" __________________________________________________
How 7 long haired sisters made a fortune in the late 1800's.
___________________________________________________ Nature has many laws that hold fast and true. For example, a baby ape will always grow-up to be an ape; likewise, a baby baboon will become an adult baboon. A baby pig will mature into a full grown pig. A baby jackass will always become a jackass. Yet oddly enough, women say a young man may grow-up to be any one of these.
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
____________________________________________________ Katie, an honest seven year old girl, admitted calmly to her parents that Freddie had kissed her after class. "How did that happen?" gasped her mother. "It wasn't easy," admitted the young lady, "but Mary and her sisters helped me catch him and hold him down." ____________________________________________________

Today, Sept 22, in 
1792 The French Republic was proclaimed. 

1862 U.S. President Lincoln issued the preliminary
Emancipation Proclamation. It stated that all slaves held
within rebel states would be free as of January 1, 1863. 

1903 Italo Marchiony was granted a patent for the ice cream
cone. 

1914 Three British cruisers were sunk by one German
submarine in the North Sea. 1,400 British sailors were
killed. This event alerted the British to the effectiveness
of the submarine. 

1927 In Chicago, IL, Gene Tunney successfully defended his
heavyweight boxing title against Jack Dempsey in the famous
"long-count" fight. 

1949 The Soviet Union exploded its first atomic bomb
successfully. 

1955 Commercial television began in Great Britain. The rules
said that only six minutes of ads were allowed each hour
and
there was no Sunday morning TV permitted. 

1961 U.S. President John F. Kennedy signed a congressional
act that established the Peace Corps. 

1964 "The Man From U.N.C.L.E." debuted on NBC-TV. 

1966 The U.S. lunar probe Surveyor 2 crashed into the moon. 

1980 A border conflict between Iran and Iraq developed into
a full-scale war. 

1986 U.S. President Ronald Reagan addressed the U.N. General
Assembly and voiced a new hope for arms control. He also
criticized the Soviet Union for arresting U.S. journalist
Nicholas Daniloff. 

1988 Canada's government apologized for the internment of
Japanese-Canadian's during World War II. They also promised
compensation. 

1990 Saudi Arabia expelled most of the Yememin and Jordanian
envoys in Riyadh. The Saudi accusations were unspecific. 

1991 An article in the London newspaper "The Mail" revealed
that John Cairncross admitted to being the "fifth man" in
the Soviet Union's British spy ring. 

1992 The U.N. General Assembly expelled Yugoslavia for its
role in the war between Bosnia and Herzegovina. 

1994 The U.S. upgraded its military control in Haiti. 

1998 The U.S. and Russia signed two agreements. One was to
privatize Russia's nuclear program and the other was to stop
plutonium stockpiles and nuclear scientists from leaving
the
country. 

1998 U.S. President Clinton addressed the United Nations and
told world leaders to "end all nuclear tests for all time".
He then sent the long-delayed global test-ban treaty to the
U.S. Senate. 

2017  smiled.


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